#and normal people don't stay awake until dawn bc they can't sleep until the sun rises.
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damn . internalised ableism got hands
#and in disability pride month too! disgraceful#anyway i can't shake the feeling that i'm a fucking disappointment#i can't cope with. anything#and i know it's. neurodivergence and physical disability and my Ever Concerning untreated mental illness lmao but#i just feel like. a failure. how am i supposed to cope with actually doing the job i love so much if i can't even get through-#-the leadup?#i can't physically keep up. i can't mentally keep up. i can't emotionally keep up#but if i say that it feels like quitting#even though i'm barely contributing anyway. most people there won't give a fuck if i never turn up again. i hardly know the blocking anyway#it's 6am and i can't sleep#my knees r throbbing n my brain is screaming and all i can think is how much of a disappointment i am#and how pathetic i must look from the outside. how much people must judge me and my fucking dramatics#because normal people don't have fucking breakdowns over the tone of their texts.#and normal people don't stay awake until dawn bc they can't sleep until the sun rises.#and normal people don't feel like they're walking on fucking shattered glass every time they go outside#i just want to curl up into a ball and scream#why can't i just pause the world. why can't i leave this whole fucking thing and come back when i'm ready to keep going#god. fuck#i need to sleep but it's rlly hard when my knee hurts every time i move#og#vent#internalised ableism tw
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