#and no one takes him seriously anymore despite Everything so it’s like haha oh ok so i’m just demoted to Giant Babysitter huh

[kagoutiss]

the newly vassaled gerudo king is inexplicably handed a baby

[stressy-enby]

Hello! So here's my request:

The 1-A girls including reader are having a girls night in one of their dorms playing Minecraft (teaching Momo how to play for the first time), giving out study tips, eating snacks and watching movies, etc... When their in a topic about their crushes and reader shyly tells them it is Tenya Iida... While the girls are shocked and ask a lot of questions why iida much to reader whos not really liking the questions, the girls decided to help reader out by setting both iida and reader on a date by grabbing readers phone and texting iida, much to readers protest and what the girls don't know is that the boys are having a boy night at the common room too and doing the exact same thing, helping iida out to finally ask reader on a date.

so yeah, haha that's all and you can add your own ideas there and can this be a oneshot? I also want to see the perspective of iida if that't possible? I hope this is okay? thank you!! ☺

Took a few liberties, included some personal touches, I’m really happy with how this came out and I hope you are too!

Risks

Masterlist

Weekend nights in Heights Alliance were arguably the best. 

Mr. Aizawa was more flexible about curfew on Friday and Saturday nights, so the class took those nights as opportunities to have slumber parties and late night get-togethers. 

This was one such night. You, Ochaco, Tsu, Momo, Toru and Kyoka had gone to Mina’s dorm room with snacks and games in hand. Your hostess had offered up her wide selection of video games and her Netflix, Hulu, and Disney+ accounts. Toru had even come through with an impressive assortment of face masks, nail polish, and hair accessories. Needless to say, everyone was more than set for a night of careless fun.

“Wait, how do I craft something?” Mom held her controller out to Kyoka, brows pinched together.

“This button, here,” she took the controller, demonstrating by crafting an axe.

Upon realization that Momo had next to no knowledge of Minecraft, the party had abandoned its Super Smash Bros. tournament in favor of showing her the ropes. You’d vowed to help her make a simple house by the end of the night.

“Pro tip: make sure you collect all the same type of wood.” You suggested, eyes focused on the white stripes you were attempting to paint onto Tsuyu’s light green nails with some success. 

“Yeah, unless it’s on purpose, like if you use a different wood for the roof or floor, it’s just gonna look like you hobbled it together in less than a minute.” Mina agreed, before promptly shoving a handful of popcorn into her mouth.

Ochaco gasped playfully, swiping the bowl away. “Don’t eat all of it!”

“I’ll eat whatever I damn well please!” Mina retorted, making a grab for the snack as Ochaco floated it over to Toru.

“Okay guys, I can’t take it anymore.” The invisible girl grabbed the bowl out of the air. “We’re all together, hanging out with zero stress for the first time in months! Does anyone have anything juicy to share? Someone’s gotta have something!”

Kyoka rolled her eyes. “I don’t know about the rest of you, but I didn’t come to gossip.”

“This class is a pretty tight-knit group, ribbit. Nothing really happens that we don’t all know about.” Tsu pointed out.

“Okay then. Crushes.” Mina prompted.

“What about them?” Momo asked.

“Who’s got ‘em?”

There was a moment of silence. You noticed how a few pairs of eyes flicked to Ochaco, who had gonna very red and very quiet. You sighed, musing to yourself about the things you did for friendship.

“I, uh, I kinda like Iida?”

You hated how you phrased it like a question. You hated how you mitigated the confession with the word “kinda”. You hated that silly, totally inadequate word “like”. Your feelings for Iida went beyond a simple crush. You’d had them for him for months now, you were long past the “like” phase. You were head-over-heels in love.

Toru gasped dramatically. “Really? Iida?”

Ochaco smiled at you, gratitude evident in her eyes. “You two would make a sweet couple.”

“What do you like about him?” Mina asked excitedly. “When did you fall for him? Are you gonna confess?”

“Take it easy,” Kyoka chuckled lightly.

You also laughed, albeit uneasily. You were beginning to regret not keeping your mouth shut. “Okay, I’ll take those one at a time. He’s kind and attentive, and he’s very loyal. I think I realized that I liked him a few weeks after the sports fest, and absolutely not.”

“Why don’t you want to tell him?” Momo asked, pursing her lips. “I think he’d appreciate the honesty.”

“Be that as it may, I don’t wanna make things weird between us or potentially ruin our friendship.” You explained “I don’t wanna jeopardize what we have now by confessing.”

“Plus, Iida doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who’s want to date someone, ribbit.” Tsu put in, examining her newly painted nails. “He’s very serious. He’d probably see it as a distraction, these are really pretty, (Y/N), thank you.”

You smiled weakly at your frog-like friend as Toru threw a piece of popcorn at her head. “Tsu!”

“No, she’s right.” You sighed heavily, motioning for the popcorn bowl, intending to drown your sorrows and maybe yourself in it.

“I’m sorry, (Y/N).” Momo patted your back sympathetically as she passed the bowl down. “I can’t imagine how frustrating it is.”

You hummed in agreement as you shoveled the snack into your mouth. “Whatever. It sucks, bur I’ll get over it.”

“Like hell you will!” Mina snapped “Ochaco: our romantically challenged friend’s phone, if you please?”

Ochaco dutifully and bemusedly took your phone from Mina’s bedside table and handed it over to her.

“What are you doing?” You questioned, suddenly on high alert.

You were ignored. Mina instead took your hand, and placed your thumb over the home button on your phone, unlocking it.

“Seriously, what are you doing?” Kyoka asked.

“Texting Iida.”

It took you a few seconds to process her words and what they meant. Once you had, though, you made a sudden grab for the phone. “Oh no you’re not!”

“Chillax, I’m not gonna send him anything embarrassing.” Mina swatted your hand away as she scooted safely out of your reach. “I’m just gonna suggest that you two go out sometime and heavily imply that it’ll be a date.”

“Now hold on,” Momo cut in, setting down her controller. “We shouldn’t be interfering. This is between (Y/N) and Iida.”

“Yeah, if (Y/N) wants to ask him out, they’ll do it themselves, ribbit.” Tsu chimed in.

Mina sighed, slumping. “I know you’re both right, but I can’t just let them wallow! Iida really likes you, (Y/N)!”

“Oh yeah?” You raised both eyebrows.

“Yeah! He’s a lot softer with you then with anyone else!”

“He does tend to let you get away with things,” Kyoka admitted. “Remember the other day when you were sitting on your desk? The guy didn’t even bat an eye.”

“He also seems like he talks to you more than he does the rest of us!” Toru pointed out.

“Plus he worries about you more than the rest of us!” Ochaco added on.

“He looks more relaxed around you.” Tsuyu threw in.

“Sometimes when we have class representative meetings, he’ll offhandedly mention you.” Momo reported thoughtfully. “He’ll tell me about something you said or did that he found funny or endearing. It’s actually pretty adorable the way he talks about you. It’s like his whole face lights up.”

You were quiet for a very long moment. It was too good to be true. You liked playing it safe. You kept your cards close to your chest until you were absolutely sure you had the wining hand. And if you’d learnt anything in your hero education, it was that sometimes you needed to take a risk.

“Can I have my phone, please?”

Mina tossed it to you. Without another word, you navigated to your messages, and typed something out quickly. Before you could reconsider, you took a risk.

You hit send.

. . . 

This isn’t actually all that bad.

When Kirishima and Kaminari had suggested a “boys’ night”, Tenya had been apprehensive at best. He was all for class bonding activities, but what was the point if it was only a fraction of their group?

“(L/N) and the girls are having a sleepover, so we may as well something ourselves.” Sero had pointed out.

Despite his skepticism, Tenya found himself thoroughly enjoying himself. After admitting he’d never seen a Marvel movie, Midoriya had immediately logged the common room TV into his Disney+ account and began the first ever 1-A Marvel movie marathon.

“Ugh, does this mean we have to watch Age of Ultron?” Ojiro groaned “That one sucks.”

“Yeah, but at some point I’m going to make Iida watch Wandavision.” Midoriya replied “Ultron is important to understanding it, sucky as it may be.”

“That’s not gonna be for a while if we’re watching every single Marvel movie, though.” Sato chuckled. 

“Yeah, we’re definitely gonna need more than one night for this shit,” Kaminari chortled “Wandavision not withstanding.”

Tenya smiled, not quite following but listening all the same. He suddenly felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.

(L/N): Random question. Want to go out and get dinner tomorrow, just the two of us?

It was indeed a random question. He had no qualms about spending time with (L/N) though. Even if it was just the two us them. Especially if it’s just the two of us. Tenya quickly shook the thought away though, feeling he’s cheeks flare.

Me: That would be great! Do  you have a time and place in mind?

(L/N): Would 6 be ok? As for the place… would you be up for a surprise?

Tenya hesitated. Usually he’s say no. He liked everything to be perfectly planed to a T. But something about (L/N) made him want to be spontaneous. They made him want to take risks. So he decided to do precisely that. He threw caution into the wind as he sent his response.

Me: 6 is more than ok, and I’m always up for a surprise if it’s with you.

Tenya cringed immediately after hitting send. The instant regret was crushing and depressing. He wished he could be honest about his feelings, about (L/N) without overthinking every move he made.

Oh well. What’s done is done. He slipped his phone back into his pocket, praying you wouldn’t respond. However, his plea went ignored a minute later when he felt his phone vibrate yet again.

Biting back a groan, Tenya opened his texts, inwardly bracing himself.

(L/N): Awesome! I’ll meet you at 6 in the common room tomorrow, then. Can’t wait! ❤️

He gaped. That tiny red emoji wormed not his brain and burned itself behind his eyes until that was all he could see. He barely even registered the rest of the message.

“Whatcha lookin’ at, Iida?” Kaminari, never one to understand personal space, leaned over to glance at the class rep’s phone phone before he could angle it away. “You sly little- IIDA HAS A DATE!”

“No I- that’s not- Kaminari!” Tenya sputtered incoherently, arms flailing. “That was entirely inappropriate. You shouldn’t look at other people’s devices without their permission. It’s rude, demeaning, and an invasion of privacy!”

“Forget that, what’s this about a date?” Sero leaned in on Kaminari’s other side.

“Iida and (L/N) were texting,” Kaminari announced “They asked him out to dinner, he said yes, and they send a heart emoji.”

“What color?” Aoyama demanded, squinting.

“Red.”

“Oh my,” Aoyama leaned back in his seat, a coy smirk playing across his lips.

Sero chuckled, leaning across Kaminari’s lap to pat Tenya on the arm. “You lucky bastard.”

The blue haired boy brushed his hand away, bristling. “Not that my personal activities are any of your concern, but it’s not a date. We’re just going to get something to eat.”

“I’m not an expert or anything, but I don’t think many people go out one-on-one for dinner if it’s platonic.” Midoriya pointed out. 

“Yeah, plus, that emoji says a lot.” Kirishima added “(L/N) clearly means this to be a date. If you don’t feel the same way about them, you need to tell them.”

“You don’t want to go on a date with (L/N)?” Todoroki asked, raising an eyebrow “I would’ve thought you’d be happy for an opportunity like that.”

“See! Even Todoroki can see you’ve got it bad for them!” Sato exclaimed, pointing an accusatory finger at the confused heterochromic boy.

Tenya ignored his overly-excited classmates. He flipped back through his conversation with (L/N), staring at every text until he’d inadvertently memorized them all.

Me: Is this a date?

. . .

“So much for subtly, I guess.” Kyoka remarked.

“Subtly gets you nowhere with Iida!” Ochaco insisted “You have to be upfront with him!”

“But I sent him a heart,” You groaned for the fourth time.

“Well, there’s no sense in bemoaning it now.” Momo reasoned.

“It was a calculated risk.” Toru admitted, an undercut of worry in her voice.

“A risk, huh?” You chuckled humorlessly “I seem to be taking a lot of those tonight.”

Ding!

Seven pairs of eyes darted to your overturned phone at the same moment. No one moved an inch.

“Well,” Tsu nudged you “are you going to look at it?”

You gulped, shakily taking the device. The girl’s gathered around you. As you opened your text messages.

Iida: Is this a date?

“No backing down now!” Ochaco squealed, gripping your shoulders tightly and shaking you.

“Go, go, go, go, go!” Mina bounced on her knees like it was a sporting event.

You took a deep breath, then texted back.

. . .

(L/N): That was the idea, lol. It doesn’t have to be if you don’t want it to be, tho

Tenya pursed his lips, showing the response to Midoriya.

“C’mon, Iida.” His friend chuckled lightly “Just tell them the truth.”

The truth. He did want it to be a date, but a simple “I want to go on a date with you” didn’t seem sufficient. It wouldn’t do justice to how he really felt.

Tenya had already taken a risk tonight, so what was one more? But knowing what he now knew about your feelings, it didn’t seem quite so scary anymore.

Me: I’d love nothing more than to go on a date with you, (L/N). Truth be told, I’ve wanted to for a while now, I just haven’t had the courage to ask you myself. I look forward to seeing you tomorrow. ❤️

[blessednereid]

First Line Tryouts

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

Mentions/Warnings: Implied Smut, making out, cursing, eating/food mentions, mentions dead bodies, slasher film mention, dementia mention, slight domesticality(?)

Word Count: <4,200

A/N: This took so long im so sorry, tried to sum up the events of ep 1, while adding some isaac moments! Enjoy! LMK If I need to add anymore tw’s or cw’s.

Taglist: @rogershoe Dm me to be added to the taglist. 

~---~---~---~---~

There was a week left until your second semester began. Isaac was determined to thank you for everything you had done for him since he told you about his dad. 

He enlisted Stiles and a reluctant Lydia to help him with the planning. Isaac was going to make a picnic basket with your favorite foods. After that, Stiles would drive him to Lookout Point, and Lydia would take you there right after he gave her the go-ahead to let her know it was ok to leave. 

Lydia would take you to the mall so that Isaac could prepare the picnic basket. He had bought assorted fruits, a platter of ham and cheese pinwheels, passion-fruit fruit champagne, your favorite desserts, and your favorite chips. He packed a picnic blanket as well as two smaller ones so that you both could lay under the stars and watch them dance. 

After everything was packed, Stiles drove him to the point in the woods, and two miles away from his destination, he called Lydia and gave her the signal. 

When he reached the peak, before he could do anything, Stiles scolded him.

"Hey scarf," he barked. Isaac turned his head.

"Don't try anything with my sister tonight, alright? You may not be in the house, but I will still be watching everything?"

Isaac paused. "Aren't you going back to Scott's house?" 

"I have eyes everywhere, Lahey," he stated simply before waltzing away.

~---~---~---~---~

When you arrived, Isaac had everything set up, the picnic cloth was laid down on a flat chunk, the colorful plastic champagne glasses he had bought were carefully placed down on top of the plates, 

When you arrived, Isaac had already laid everything out. The picnic blanket was spread out on a flat chunk of land, and the ceramic plates sat on top of it. There was a bundle of spoons and forks, knives, and colorful plastic champagne glasses for the both of you. 

"I-saac, haha," you chuckled.

He bowed. "Good evening, madame. How can I serve you today?" He walked over to you and led you to the setting. 

"Isaac, you didn't have to do all this, you know?" 

"I know, but you've done so much for me recently, and I wanted to thank you."

You looked at him fondly, and he stared back at you before breaking away to grab the fruit. He fed you a strawberry, and after that, you both took turns tossing berries into the air and trying to catch them. 

~---~---~---~---~

After you both were done eating, Isaac packed all the remaining food (which was a lot) into the basket and tossed you a cover. He pulled you closer to him once you were wrapped in the blanket and laid down to watch the stars with his favorite person in the world. 

"That's Orion's belt, right there," you thought out loud. 

"That's the big dipper then," 

"How do you know so many constellations?" Isaac questioned, and you frowned. 

"I- uh…" 

"What's wrong?" He looked at you with worry.

"It was something me and my mom did before she died. She would go out to the woods with me—" you paused."—and she would show me where all the stars were. Stiles was never interested. My obsession with finding the stars became so big she decided to get me a telescope and a big book of all the constellations." 

"Oh, so I'm guessing it's a touchy subject?" 

You laughed. "It's a subject that brings up memories. To be honest, I haven't tried stargazing since my mom's death. This was nice." 

"You never told me much about your mom…" 

"And you never told me about yours," you hit back. 

"Touché." 

You went first. "Before everything, my mom was…in all aspects… perfect. Every day when we came home from school, she would have lunch ready, even if we already ate, just some chips and cookies on the table for Stiles and me." 

You smiled. "Mom would take us outside to the backyard and play soccer with us, us two against her. I think she would go easy on us." 

"When she got diagnosed, she started becoming less… tolerant of us. She would yell for the tiniest things,  and they didn't hurt me as much because Dad would always remind us that she didn't mean it, but I guess it always hurt Stiles more—"

"How do you mean?" Isaac asked.

"He was always a mommy's boy. One night we went to visit her at the hospital, I went to the vending machine to get snacks for Stiles and me, and he was gone. When he came back, he was crying nonstop. I kept trying to get him to tell me what was wrong, but he wouldn't tell me.  The next day it was like he just forgot about it." 

You both sat there in silence for a while longer. 

"My mom…. My mom was always working. She had her own business making soaps and perfumes and stuff like that." 

"She would always ask—" he gulped. "—she would ask my brother and me to help her with her orders. We would always make a mess, so after we were done, she made bubble baths for us." He giggled at the memory. "When she died, I guess we all changed a bit." 

"I got a little shier, Camden got more impulsive, Dad just lost his filter. He put more effort into making sure we were disciplined." He saw your eyes squint. "He didn't hit us back then. He just had stricter rules." 

You pulled him closer to your chest, and you guys just stayed there, looking at the stars, and feeling, even more, closer to each other than before.

You broke the silence.

"Isaac…" 

"Yes, Y/N?"

"I love you…" 

He leaned down to your face and pecked your lips.

"I love you too," he smiled.

~---~---~---~---~

"Y/n!" Isaac was trying to wake you up. You had fallen asleep watching Nightmare on Elm Street. You had been desensitized to all the blood and gore because you and stiles would always stay up late and watch slasher films. This was when your dad worked extra shifts at the Sheriff's station, and your mom was at the hospital.

"N/n, Wake up!" 

He grabbed your ringing phone and pulled it up to your ear, despite knowing he would face your wrath for doing that later on. Stiles had just called you for the 4th time that night, and you weren't waking up.

When you still wouldn't wake up, he did the only thing he could think of, as illogical as it was. He laid down flat on his back and rolled over, pushing you off the bed. You woke with a start. 

"ISAAC, WHAT THE HELL!!"

"Stiles has called you 4 times in 5 minutes, and you told me to wake you up whenever someone calls you…" He fake-pouted. 

Your expression softened because you couldn't resist his cobalt eyes, but you were still angry. You answered the phone and shouted at Stiles to release your frustration. 

"Stiles, what the hell, you're across the hall. Did you really have to call?"

"Hurry up and get ready, Dad just went out, and we need to go get Scott."

"Why do we have to follow dad? It's his job."

"Someone found a dead body, but half of it is missing,"

"Ok, I'm coming," You said while putting on your jeans. 

"Oh, and leave the golden retriever."

"His name is Isaac, not 'golden retriever,' Stiles!" you scolded. 

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, hurry up!"

You finished putting on Isaac's hoodie and turned to face him. 

"I gotta go, love."

He pouted. "Why can't I go with you?"

You went to give him a hug. "We should go with the least amount of people possible., so we don't get caught…" you lied. 

"Is Scott going?" He was always able to tell when you were lying. He knew all your tells and your poker face before you were even dating. 

"Fine, It's Stiles."

"So, I realized. Do I really look like a golden retriever?"

You shrugged and said in a pitchy voice, "An adorable golden retriever?" 

He sighed. 

"Be safe, and come back before midnight, please? I don't wanna go to sleep without you…"

"Nervous for tomorrow?"

"It's the start of first-line tryouts. I really wanna make it this year,"

"I'm sure that you'll make it Isaac, you are one of the most hand-eye coordinated people I know, and at every game, I will be there to cheer you guys on!"

 He smiled at your statement and kissed you. 

"Be sa—"

"Y/N, Hurry up!" Stiles shouted from downstairs. 

~---~---~---~---~

You stayed in the car while Stiles was getting Scott, silently cursing him for not allowing Isaac to come but going to get Scott. 

Scott and Stiles got out of the house and piled into the car. 

"Next time you wanna leave the 'golden retriever,' Stiles, we're also leaving the poodle," you angrily intoned.

Scott took up an offended expression. "Poodle?"

"Would you rather chihuahua?"

"Nevermind..."

"No, we're not leaving Scott. He's my best friend," Stiles said defensively.

"Oh yeah? Isaac is my boyfriend, yet he couldn't come!" 

"My car, my choice of guests."

"Fuck off, Miechyvslaw!"

~---~---~---~---~

"We're seriously doing this?"

"Obviously," you stated simply.

He started driving the car, and they headed to the woods where the search party for the body and the other half of it would be located. 

"You're the one always bitching that nothing ever happens in this town," Stiles said.

"I was trying to get a good night's sleep before practice tomorrow."

"Right, cause sitting on the bench is such a grueling effort," Stiles sassed.

"No, because I'm playing this year. In fact, I'm making the first line."

"Hey, that's the spirit. Everyone should have a dream, even a pathetically unrealistic one."

You interrupted their bickering. "Just out of curiosity, do either of you know what half of the body we're even looking for?"

"Uhhh-" Stiles stuttered.

"And uh- what if whoever killed the body is still out there," Scott questioned.

"Also, something I did not think about."

"It's comforting to know that you've planned this out with your usual attention to detail," Scott stated. 

Stiles and Scott continued bickering, but soon, you saw a flashlight.

"Shit! Hide!" you warned, but Stiles kept going. You leaped forward, trying to grab his shirt and pull him back, but your dad caught you.

"Hang on. Hang on. These two delinquents belong to me."

Stiles sighed. 

"I told you to hide, you brat!" you whispered to him.

"Daaaaad!" He enunciated. "How are you doing?"

"So, do you, uh, listen into all my phone calls?"

"Not the boring ones," Stiles said. 

"So, where's your usual partner in crime?"

"Wh-who Scott? Scott's home, he said before continuing to ramble.

Your dad had called out for Scott, and when he didn't respond, dragged you and Stiles back to the Jeep. 

~---~---~---~---~

You went back to your room once you got to the house and found Isaac asleep on the bed.

"Izzie!" You grabbed a plush pillow from beside him and whacked him softly with it. 

You went home that night, not knowing where Scott was or what had happened to him while worrying about what Melissa would do to you if Scott got bitten by a coyote and she found out you lured him out there.

He stirred but didn't wake. You groaned and moved beside him.

"Isaac?" you shrilled. "Isaac, you were supposed to wait for me to come back!!"

You shook his body left and right until he woke up groggily.

"N/n?"

He fully opened his eyes and groaned at the comfort that it was you.

"You scared me!" he complained.

You began shuffling towards him and running your hands down his covered pectorals. "Aww… what can I do to make you feel better?"

"Anything?" he said before sucking in a breath.

"Anything, baby," You nodded. 

He pulled you onto his lap and started kissing you passionately, your lips meshing together. He trailed his lips from yours to your cheekbones, then to your jawline, nibbling slightly. You moved your hips forcefully against his, and he brought one hand down to your waist.

"Hey, is this ok?"

You nodded vehemently. 

He pushed your hips back and forth along his while leaving dark red marks towards the base of your neck and your collarbone. He sucked a hickey onto a pulse point, making you let out a moan, which you tried muffling by pressing your lips together. 

He brought his hands to the hem of your shirt and tugged slightly before looking up at you. You replaced his hands and pulled your shirt off of your torso. 

He placed open-mouthed kisses onto the tops of your breasts, causing you to throw your head back in delight. He brought his hand back to the small of your back and shuffled you forwards on his lap. 

He turned you over onto your back and continued to kiss from your chest up. He stood on his knees in front of you and pulled his shirt off of his body. He placed one more brief kiss on your lips before gripping your thighs and lowering down your body.

~---~---~---~---~

Stiles drove you, Isaac, and Scott to school the next day. When you got out of the car, Scott and Stiles were talking about a bite that Scott had gotten when he went to the woods, but he assured you that you wouldn't face Melissa's wrath. 

When you saw Lydia amongst the crowd, you dragged Isaac all the way to her. Lydia had never liked Isaac, feeling like her best friend could do much better than someone who wouldn't even talk to her(you) for extensive periods of time. 

"Hey Lyds!" you said with Isaac's face buried in your neck. He was not fond of Lydia either, not that she had done anything, but he had picked up on her apathy towards him and just decided he would do the same. 

"Hey Y/N! Isaac." You all walked into the building and headed for your respective classes. 

~---~---~---~---~

You had English first, and the teacher was rambling about the dead body found in the woods. 

A familiar faced walked into the room, and you almost squealed. It was your godsister, Allison Argent. You knew that her family was moving to  Beacon Hills, but you hadn't known when they would be arriving. 

Chris Argent, Allison's dad, was your mother's best friend in high school. When she gave birth to you and Stiles, she made Chris your godfather.

You quietly clapped your hands at her appearance. She smiled at you before taking the seat diagonally across from you and right behind Scott. You noticed how when he turned around to give her a pencil, he looked highly flustered. 

Before you could point this out and tease him about it, your teacher began to talk about the novel you were reading as a class.

~---~---~---~---~

When you got out of class, you decided to introduce Lydia to Allison. 

When you both approached Allison, she squealed and ran to give you a hug, almost causing you to stumble. You hugged her back for a good five seconds before letting her go. 

"That jacket is absolutely killer! Where'd you get it?" Lydia asked the brunette.

"My mom was a buyer for a boutique back in San Francisco."

"And, you are my new best friend!" Lydia said before greeting her boyfriend, Jackson, who had come up behind her. 

"Hey? What about me? Already replacing me with my godsister?" you asked before you felt two slender arms wrap around your waist.

"Never!" Lydia smiled. "We can all be friends." 

You could hear a girl talking about Lydia or Allison or both, and you decided you would defend your friends. 

You walked over to where she was talking to Stiles and Scott.

"Hey, what's going on over here?"

"Oh, Audrey here was asking what Allison did to already be hanging out with your exclusive clique."

"Uh, nothing? She's just Allison." You said, looking at Scott and Stiles but directing it towards Aubrey. You then turned on your heels and walked away.

You had found that your friends had told Allison about the upcoming party and were just about to head to the lacrosse practice for the day.

~---~---~---~---~

You gave Isaac a good luck kiss before he went out to the field, and Lydia looked at you weirdly.

"What is it?" you asked, rolling your eyes.

"Nothing, Nothing."

"Why do you have such a problem with my boyfriend?"

She turned to look at you. "I don't know, maybe it's because you caught feelings when he hadn't said a single word to you for a week and didn't for another week after you first kissed him"

"It could be that when you asked him out and actually confessed your feelings, he waited a week to give you a response and made you think that he was rejecting you, which made you cry?"  

You rubbed your temples. "Lydia, I explained all this to you. He's a shy guy. He just doesn't talk much to people, and he thought I was playing a joke on him."

She shook her head. "Mark my words, Y/N, he's going to end up breaking your heart, and when he does, I'll be left to pick up the pieces."

You groaned. "Allison, does Isaac look like someone who would hurt me?"

"No? He looks like… He looks like a golden retriever!"

The three of you burst out laughing, and Lydia promised to try and be tolerant of Isaac.

Suddenly, it was Scott's turn to try guarding the goal. He allowed the first shot through before finding his footing and blocking the rest of the throws. 

"Who is that?" Your godsister asked. 

"Hmm… I'm not sure who he is," Lydia said questioningly.

You scoffed. "That is Scott McCall. Stiles' best friend. Why?"

"He's in our English class. He seems like he's pretty good," she said sagely.

She changed the subject. "Speaking of Stiles, how is he? I haven't talked to him since I got back."

"He's-" you tried answering but stopped short. "Wooh! Go, Isaac!"

He smiled at you before going to shoot lacrosse balls at the goalie.

On the final day of tryouts, you and Isaac had done stretches, though he didn't know why, and they had run laps around the field before practice had started.

The coach started talking to the players, and you, Lydia, and Allison sat in the stands. By the time practice was over, Scott had made the first line, but Stiles and Isaac didn't. To cheer them up, you had taken them to their favorite to-go restaurant and bought dessert for them.

~---~---~---~---~

It was a Friday night. You were particularly sad, not only because Isaac couldn't go with you, but because Isaac had his weekly dinner with his dad today. So, he wouldn't even be there when you fell asleep. 

Scott and Stiles had gotten into a fight earlier, so he wasn't going to the party. This left Jackson to drive you, who was taking Lydia to the party. This didn't make you too happy, seeing as how Jackson was a self-entitled bastard who got his status from his family and isn't grateful for any of it. 

You didn't understand how Lydia had decided it would be a good idea to date him. But, you knew that the same way she couldn't change your mind about Isaac, she wouldn't change your mind about Jackson. 

You wore a pink satin body-con dress that reached your mid-thigh. Isaac had picked it out for you when he realized he wouldn't have been able to attend the party. He was ok with it being as short because he knew all the guys there would remember what happened to Garrett Ferrero after he started hitting on you at a party. He had to get nose surgery because Isaac had broken it, and his nose swelled up so large, he didn't come to school until it shrunk.

You paired it with opaque tights with fishnets on top and a pair of red, 3-inch, cut-out heels. As for makeup, you had outlined your lips with a black lip liner and smeared a cherry red lipstick over it. You applied minimal foundation and went for a nude eyeshadow look. 

When you stepped out of the bathroom in your outfit, Isaac nearly went feral. He lightly kissed the expanse of your neck, knowing you would kill him if he messed up your makeup, and he ended up backing you both into a wall. 

You had to swat him away after a few seconds of this affair because you had to leave soon, and so did he, albeit reluctantly. You put a black jean jacket on top of your outfit before heading downstairs. 

He left your house a few minutes before you did, but just before you left, Stiles pulled you aside.

"Hey, Y/N, just watch out for Scott today, and especially Allison." Stiles was overprotective of both of you. Before Allison and her family began moving around, she was like a sister to both of you. You three did almost everything together. 

"Stiles, what's going on?"

He sighed. "Ok, this is going to be hard to explain, but you have to go. So I'm going to give you the brief version right now and explain later."

You nodded, beckoning him to continue. 

"The night Scott got bit by that 'coyote'... it wasn't a coyote. It was a wolf, and wolf hairs were reported on the autopsy of the dead body. Scott has been experiencing heightened senses, and he's been stronger. Y/N, he hasn't needed his inhaler all week."

Your eyes widened. You didn't know what to say.

"So… you think he's a werewolf."

"Better to be safe and absurd than sorry and sad. Tonight's a full moon, and he just wouldn't cancel that date. Just look out for them, you know?"

You bobbed your head up and down vigorously. 

You left the house, and outside were Jackson and Lydia, in the front seat of his Porsche. It was a nice ride but a bit overly embellished for someone who only just got his license.

 ~---~---~---~---~

Later at the party, you had last seen Allison and Scott as they were dancing. You were dancing with your friend, Marya Cullen. She was a freshman, so she didn't really know most of your other friends. You had met her through your job at Forever 21, and you instantly clicked. 

She was really drunk, so you called another one of her friends and asked them to take her home. Marya had given her friends a list of the people allowed to drive her home if this happened. 

It was just as you were putting Marya in the backseat, you saw Scott walking away from her, dazed. While that happened, a mysterious guy who looked much older than you were approaching Allison. 

"Hey, I'm her friend. I got it, thanks!" 

You walked with Allison back to her house after grabbing all your belongings and immersed in conversation, mostly about how weird Stiles was being. Stiles was driving in his Jeep when he saw you coming from Allison's house. You got into the Jeep, and you both went home. 

When you got there, you changed into your pajamas and laid down onto the surface of a cold bed. You grabbed your thickest pillow and pulled it into your arms, trying to create some semblance of a feeling of Isaac laying down with you.

~---~---~---~---~

You awoke to bright sunlight and a buzzing phone by your head. Isaac had been calling you to ask you to let him in the house. You realized it was high time that he gets a key to the front door. 

You went downstairs to greet your boyfriend, and you noticed that he had brought Starbucks. You almost caused him to fall to the floor had he not caught you in time. He set you on the floor and kissed your lips before heading to the kitchen.

He had gotten your regular order, as well as your favorite drink, and he had gotten his order as well. 

You guys say down to just eat and relax.

He took a sip of his iced coffee before saying anything.

"My dad wants me to work at the graveyard," he said, pensive.

You choked on your food. "What?" 

"Well, he said he's cutting off my allowance." 

"So he said I can either earn it by working at the graveyard or stay broke." 

"That's fine, darling?" 

"I know, but I still want to get a job to save so once I turn 18, I can move out. And, he is willing to let me choose my own hours, or really just give me hours that don't interfere with lacrosse practice."

You gave him a solemn look and whined. "But that means we won't have as much cuddle time?" 

"He shouldn't even be in your room," your dad said, approaching you from behind.

"Hi, dad."

"Good morning, Mr. Stilinsk—"

"Isaac," your dad interjected. "It's fine. You can call me Noah." 

Isaac smiled. 

-------fin--------

[parkersbliss]

If you’re taking requests, can you pls write something about holland!sister being the triplet of Sam and Harry?

The Triplet

Masterlist | Taglist | Prompt List

--

ok so you're the triplet of harry and sam

they call you thing three

they go by thing one and two

you guys are obviously very very close

always relying on each other for everything

and I mean everything

sometimes maybe too much

you guys definitely have those like triplet senses

when you know somethings off

you just know

you guys went on that one trip to Australia, no adults

because you were the adults

it was... different

you decided to get connecting rooms, harry and sam in one and you in another

never again

it's 2 AM you're sleeping and then next thing you know

"(Y/N)!! Sam's making coffee at 2 AM tell him to stop!"

"'m tired!"

"both of you get out of my room, now."

"can i just please sleep here? please, please, I can't stand him!"

"You shared a room for 18 years!"

"and that was plenty!"

"Get out!"

would you do it again?

yes

maybe just with actual adults who could keep you out of trouble

you even had to call tom for money

of course, they made you ask bc let's be honest, tom trusts you more than those divs

"hey tom... uh - shut up sam! - it's me, your fabulous sister, who you adore with all your heart-"

"how much do you need?"

despite being their triplet, you had your own room

next door of course

when you were old enough you actually moved out and bought your own flat

harry lived with tom and the others and you figured sam would probably move in with his girlfriend sometime soon

at least you hoped he did

but it was good, bc you finally had a whole house to yourself

no boys

or at least you thoughts

more than enough times one of your brothers would show up and raid your alcohol

you mostly stayed at your flat, sometimes going with harry on press tours with tom, but you quickly found that it was exhausting and you'd rather wait until the premiere of a movie

unless it was like Bali or something

you wouldn't pass up that opportunity

sam and harry use to fight a lot when they were younger

(they still do)

and they always tried to get you to pick a side

sometimes this went on for weeks

they refused to talk to each other and kept begging you to tell them who was right

you never had a side, because most of the time, they were both wrong

they've grown out of that phase now, but they still go to you whenever they can't figure out who's right

you have definitely tried to straighten harry's hair and curl sam's

it only worked because you convinced the other to torcher the other

you did it when your parents were gone so they wouldn't think anything of the screaming

"what the fuck are you doing?!"

"it's been three minutes, harry! calm down.. I know what I'm doing!"

"wHY IS IT SIZZLING? you're going to set my hair on fire!"

"and that's a problem, why?"

"(Y/N)!"

"i'm working here! trust the process!"

"oW WHAT THE HELL HAROLD"

"iM sOrRY"

so it went on like that for an hour

sam was laughing his ass off as he watches his sister tocher his brother and almost burn his hair off

he didn't laugh when you brough out the hairspray and almost made them all choke

"i don't think this is a look."

"I look stupid."

"you always do, what's your point?"

"fuck off."

"sam you're next!"

"can I change my mind?"

sam's was much harder bc you had to straighten his as well

"I can feel the heat radiating off that thing!"

"oh yeah, it's hot."

"I GOT THE FIRST CURL"

doused it in hairspray

cue more choking

"ow, shit, sam!"

"fUCK"

your parents were not impressed

"what happened to them?"

"I did their hair"

"please never leave us alone with her again"

paddy and tom loved it, thought it was hilarious

"it's like they switched hair! they look worse!"

"shut up!"

always snooped in your room

and they thought they were sneaky about it too

you let them believe they were good at it

you didn't even know what they were looking for, just that they were

you found out later, harry used your shampoo

and sam liked the scent of your daisy perfume

instead of confronting them, you switched your shampoo for dish soap and glitter

and your perfume for vinegar

"What the hell happened to your hair? you look like you just came back from the bloody circus."

"haha, very funny tom."

"no really."

"There's glitter, everywhere."

Took months to get it out

you wouldn't stop laughing

I mean, he looked like a fairy

sam, on the other hand, knew right away

"guys, guys, come smell me."

"are you crazy?"

"no, just do it."

poor paddy choked on the air when he caught a whiff

"mate, did you go dumpster diving?!"

"you smell horrible."

"but.. but I used (Y/N)'s daisy perfume."

"you use her perfume?"

"not anymore."

sam got you back by over-salting your food and you practically had a coughing fit

harry didn't

he was too scared too

they spied on you for your first date

not discreet about it

all they did was tape on fake mustaches and wear sunglasses with baseball capes

obviously, you told your date

who told you it was cool

you gave them an earful later and happily ripped off their mustaches

so, you may slap them, punch them, yell at them, and prank them

honestly, you guys are really abusive towards each other

seriously

but they're your brother, your triplets

and you're their little sister

and you protect each other with your lives

unless it's like pushing them in a pool

then you normally just laugh

but really, you love them a lot

even if they still try and take stuff from your room

[seeaddywrite]

not a place, but a feeling

a/n: written for alex manes appreciation week 2020, day 1. i used the theme ‘home can be a person,’ but took a lot of liberties, whoops? thanks as always to @soberqueerinthewild for catching all of my repetition, wacky tenses, & holding my hand through the last 5k words of this fic, haha.

warnings: starts with forlex, but this is very clearly a malex fic & forrest does not end up particularly happy. angst with a happy ending, as per usual. 8k+ wordcount.

                                                                  ________

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Alex mutters to himself, turning the key in his SUV’s ignition for the third time and hoping for a miracle. The engine wheezes, sputters a few times, and finally settles into a high-pitched whine that sets Alex’s teeth on edge. Apparently, the ‘check engine’ light on his dash that morning had been more urgent than he’d expected -- and now, he’s stuck somewhere between Jim Valenti’s old hunting cabin and town. Fantastic. He’d already been running late to meet Forrest thanks to taking way too long to pick an outfit for their first official date, and now he’s over half an hour late.

As if it read his mind, Alex’s phone starts to ring, Forrest’s name flashing across the display. Groaning, Alex accepts the call and tries to crank the engine one more time. The attempt results in a screech and an alarming puff of smoke emerging from beneath the hood. With a bitten-off curse, Alex yanks the key from the ignition and throws the car door open, hastily putting a safe distance between himself and the smoking vehicle. Logic tells him that the smoke isn’t necessarily a precursor to an explosion, or even a fire, but years of military training and instinct are impossible to ignore.

“Hello? Hello? Alex, are you there?”

Alex glances from the still-smoking SUV to the phone in his palm, the source of the tinny-sounding voice calling his name. Frustrated with himself, he smacks a hand against his face and answers, hoping Forrest hasn’t already hung up on him. “Hey, yeah, I’m here. Sorry -- my car doesn’t want to start, and I guess I cranked it one too many times, because the engine just started smoking.”

For a moment, the only thing Alex hears on the other end of the line is blaring music. “I should probably not be relieved that your car blew up, huh?” Forrest asks, a self-deprecating laugh clear even through the pounding bass in the background. “I was starting to think you were standing me up.”

“What? Why would you think that?” Alex asks, putting the call on speaker so he could pull up Guerin’s contact information and start a new text while he listens. There’s no one else he could call at this hour, and he needs to be able to get to base on Monday, one way or the other. Michael would probably be able to fix the SUV, and even if he couldn’t do it overnight, he’d at least get Alex a loaner car for a few days while he did. And, after that, Alex wouldn’t have to worry about something like this happening again anytime soon; he could trust that Michael would actually fix the problem entirely, unlike any other mechanics in Roswell -- or in general, honestly.

My car gave up on me halfway to town. Any chance of some help?

It only occurs to Alex after the message has gone through that he should probably be a little more apprehensive about texting Guerin out of nowhere, but he’s really not. The two of them make a hell of a team, and after spending so much time together unravelling the mysteries of Nora and Tripp, and everything that came after, Alex is more confident than ever that Michael will always be part of his life -- even if it’s not in the way he’d initially hoped it would be. They’re family, whether or not they’re sleeping together, and Alex doesn’t doubt that anymore.

“Well, you weren’t exactly thrilled about the idea of going to Planet 7,” Forrest is saying, answering Alex’s question about why he would stand him up, and Alex feels guilty for not giving him his full attention. “And I kind of pressured you into it. I thought maybe you changed your mind.”

It’s a fair assumption, Alex supposes. He hadn’t been thrilled with the suggestion of going to Roswell’s only gay bar, even after finding the courage to push his father’s hateful words and judgements out of his mind for long enough to pull Forrest into a kiss in the middle of the Wild Pony. But he’s not the kind of guy to agree to something he really doesn’t want to do for a date, and he’d assumed Forrest would know that -- like Guerin would have. But Forrest is different from Michael; he has no reason to take Alex at his word, lacks the intimate knowledge of who Alex is that Michael has somehow managed to collect through ten years of hook-ups, break ups, and hurt feelings. And that’s not Forrest’s fault -- so Alex needs to learn to communicate better, somehow, if this has any chance of working out.

“I’m still planning on coming,” he promises, looking out at the darkened horizon, visible only because of the moonlight. “Seriously, I would’ve been there already if it weren’t for the fact that my car decided that tonight was the night it was giving up on me. I’m really looking forward to seeing you.”

There’s an audible smile in Forrest’s voice as he responds, and Alex feels vaguely proud of himself for managing to put it there, despite everything. “Okay, awesome. Want me to come get you? It’s late, so I doubt anyone’s going to be able to tow you before morning. And trust me, you don’t need to rough it in the desert overnight to prove what a badass you are. I already know.”

Alex laughs, and opens his mouth to retort -- but his phone dings, signalling an incoming barrage of messages, and Alex opens them with a swipe of his thumb, once again distracted from the phone conversation.

Let me guess. You decided to ignore your check engine light again.

Or was it an oil change you put off for six months?

You realize routine maintenance isn’t actually a suggestion, right? You either get it done, or you end up stranded in the middle of the desert begging for a ride.

On my way now with the tow now. Can you give me anything more specific than halfway to town, or am I supposed to just drive and hope for the best?

Alex snaps a picture of the nearest mile marker with the flash on, and sends it to Guerin with a quick, I plead the 5th. See you soon.

“Hello? Alex! Alex, are you --”

Alex winces guiltily and puts the phone hurriedly back to his ear. “Sorry, sorry, I’m still here. What were you saying?”

Again, all Alex hears for a long moment is the thudding of the bass from whatever stupid pop song the DJ is playing, and he runs a hand through his hair, frustrated with himself. He already basically missed their date, and now he’s only half paying attention while Forrest is kind and understanding about it. Alex doesn’t deserve his patience.

“I was asking you where you are. I’ll come get you, and we can still get in a few hours of shitty music and half-off beer,” Forrest reiterates patiently, though Alex can tell he’s starting to reach the end of his reserves of understanding. And, considering the circumstances, Alex doesn’t blame him.

“No, don’t worry about it! That’s pretty far out of your way. I already have a tow truck coming, so I’ll just have them give me a ride into town, and I’ll meet you like we planned.” Alex pauses, reflecting on his words and wondering when, exactly, he’d decided to avoid using Michael’s name… and why. It’s not like Forrest didn’t already know that the two of them were good friends. It’s not like it meant anything, that Alex called Michael to help -- his car broke down, and Michael is a mechanic. None of that added up to anything that he needed to lie to Forrest about.

And yet.

“You found a garage open at this hour in Roswell?” Forrest asked incredulously. “I can’t even get fast food past eight, so you’re going to have to share some of your black market contacts.”

The expectation of a laugh is pretty obvious, so Alex manages a slightly strained chuckle. “Uh, well, I can probably hook you up with a burger at the Crashdown after hours, but that’s about it,” he retorts, even though Liz is long-gone, and the chances of after-hours snacks at the diner are a lot lower without her. “I just called Guerin, tonight. He pretty much runs Sanders’ garage these days, and lives out back, so it’s no big deal for him to come get me.”

Alex opts to ignore the fact that he knows Michael doesn’t usually drop whatever he’s doing to rescue stranded motorists who aren’t smart enough to get their vehicle to a garage when the ‘check engine’ light comes on when he’s not working. That’s just what friends do for each other, and Alex would do the same, if their positions were reversed.

“Oh.” Alex doesn’t know Forrest well enough to read the emotion in the short syllable, but he’s not naive enough to think he sounds pleased. “You two must be pretty good friends if he’s giving up his Friday night plans to come pick you up, huh?”

It seems like a loaded question, so Alex just says, “We’ve known each other a long time,” in response, and glances up as a set of slowing headlights wash over him. Sanders’ tow truck pulls off to the side of the road in front of Alex’s SUV, and Michael waves from the window, familiar curls bouncing from the motion. Alex waves back with a grin.

“He’s pulling up now, actually, so I’m going to get off of here. I’ll give you a call and let you know when I’m five minutes out, if you still want to try to spend some time together tonight?”

Alex watches as Michael hops out of the truck and starts toward him with the usual swagger in his stride. It’s hard to tell what he was doing before he got Alex’s text, because he’s wearing the same ragged jeans and worn jacket that Alex has seen him in a hundred times, but there’s enough volume in his curls to suggest he put some effort into his hair. A date with Maria, maybe? Or hanging out with Isobel, who loved to make fun of his hair if he didn’t put the effort in?

“Yeah, okay,” Forrest says, recapturing Alex’s attention for a minute. “I’ll stay and have a few drinks, and I’ll see you when you get here. Tell Michael I said ‘hey.’”

“Will do,” Alex says, and ends the call just as Michael reaches him, hand extended for the keys.

“So?” he asks, and despite the darkness, Alex knows exactly what the teasing expression on Michael’s face looks like. It’s always the same -- a furrowed brow, a mischievous glint in his eyes, even as he manages to keep his lips from turning up in a too-obvious smile. It’s a look that never ceases to make Alex’s heartbeat speed up, even now, when they’ve moved past any real chance of romantic reconciliation. “Which one was it? Check engine light or skipped oil change?”

Alex rolls his eyes, but tosses his keys into Michael’s open palm. “Look, it’s not my fault that the check engine light comes on when you need an oil change -- who wouldn’t assume that’s the problem and keep driving?” They’ve had this argument before; Alex always takes his car to Michael when something goes wrong, and Michael always has to point out that Alex sucks at taking care of an engine. At this point, Alex would almost be disappointed if the mocking stopped.

Michael shakes his head in faux disappointment and disappears to pop the hood, leaving Alex to follow behind and watch. Another wave of smoke wafts into the night sky when the hood opens, and Michael sends Alex a disbelieving look over his shoulder. “Seriously? How many times did you try to start it when it made the grinding noise? A hundred? This would’ve taken me two minutes to fix if you hadn’t kept pushing it.” He’s pulled a flashlight from somewhere and is shining the beam down into the guts of the SUV, staring at what, to Alex, looks like a bunch of hoses, wires, and smoke.

“Sorry,” Alex says sheepishly. “Don’t worry about it tonight if it’s going to take a while -- I’m sure you had plans. We can just tow it back to town and worry about it again on Monday, during actual working hours.”

There’s a clank and a thud, and another plume of smoke curls up from the engine. Michael groans, and straightens up to slam the hood closed. “Yeah, okay, I give up. Let’s just get it on the truck and I’ll figure out what you did to it when I can actually see what I’m doing.” They both take a few steps back, and Michael turns, looking down the silent road for a minute before glancing back at Alex. “I’m going to cheat, since there’s no one else around. You can just get in the truck if you want. I’ll be there in a minute.”

Michael doesn’t wait for an answer before he’s staring intensely at the SUV. After a moment, with a slide of gravel and the squeal of tires, the SUV moves up the ramp on its own. There’s a thud as the connections fasten under the guidance of Michael’s metaphysical hands, and a few minutes later, they’re on their way back into Roswell.

For once, the silence between them isn’t loaded with things they should have said. Alex is reclined in the seat, relaxed and comfortable with someone he trusts driving -- but the ease of the atmosphere evaporates quickly when Michael asks, “So where am I dropping you? Do you need a ride back out to your place?”

It shouldn’t be this hard to tell Michael that he’s meeting Forrest. They haven’t been together in a long time, if they ever really even were -- and Michael has Maria. It’s not like he’s going to be upset. But the words feel stuck in Alex’s throat as he opens his mouth to answer, and his stomach squirms unpleasantly. “Uh, no,” he says. “I’m actually … meeting someone. At Planet 7.” His eyes are locked on the road straight ahead, but Alex can’t help himself; he glances at Michael through his periphery to check for a reaction.

Michael’s shoulders have lost their comfortable slouch, and his spine is rigid. He obviously still cares about who Alex is spending his time with -- but Alex isn’t going to apologize. They’re both moving on, and they need to remember that.

“Yeah,” Michael says finally. “I kind of guessed. You’re pretty dressed up for a night of snacks in front of the TV.”

Alex glances down at himself, taking in the dark-wash jeans and button-up shirt he’d selected for the occasion. “I guess so,” he agrees, sighing. “Uh, what were you doing with your night, before you were rudely interrupted by my smoking engine?” It’s not the most graceful subject change, but Alex doesn’t really care as long as they’re away from the topic of Forrest.

Michael snorts. “Trust me, I was relieved you called -- it’s my night to babysit Max and make sure he doesn’t take off after Liz. Towing a car is way more exciting than watching him boohoo into his beer.”

“I’m surprised you’re not glued to Maria’s side, since she just got out of the hospital.” Alex had only been trying to keep the conversation moving steadily away from his own date that night; he doesn’t expect Michael to go rigid in response. He blinks, turning in the passenger seat to get a better look at Michael’s expression, but he’s gone blank.

“Maria and I are over.” The answer, when it comes, is terse and definitely over-simplified, but Alex knows better than to ask for details. If Michael wanted to share, he would have already, and while friends might have license to pry into each other’s personal life, Alex doesn’t want Michael doing the same in return, so he stays quiet aside from a soft, “I’m sorry.”

The drive loses the easy sense of camaraderie after that. Alex spends the next twenty minutes into town fighting with a small, cruel voice in the back of his head that keeps whispering celebratory words about Michael’s break-up. They’re friends now. Friends don’t think like that, but even after a decade of separation, it’s hard not to think of Michael as more than a friend. Alex hopes that he just needs some practice; otherwise, none of this is going to end well.

Planet 7 isn’t exactly in the middle of town, but Michael finds it without any direction. Alex slides out of the passenger seat when he sees Forrest coming toward them, smiling, and glances back at Michael. “Thanks for the help, Guerin,” he says earnestly. “I really appreciate it.”

Michael nods, his expression still tense, though Alex thinks that’s less about his break-up and more about Forrest, now. “No problem. If you need a ride home, just let me know.”

Forrest has reached them by this point; one of his arms falls over Alex’s shoulders, and Alex only startles for a moment before relaxing again when he realizes who’s touching him. Michael’s eyes narrow slightly, but not enough to be noticeable to someone who isn’t really looking.

“That won’t be necessary,” Forrest tells Michael pleasantly, though he’s standing closer than he ever has before when they aren’t joined at the mouth. Alex sighs inwardly -- this is what he’d been trying to avoid. He doesn’t want Forrest thinking he needs to compete with Michael. Competition and jealousy in a relationship never ends well, and Alex wants one good thing in his life. Surely that’s not too much to ask? “I’ll make sure he gets home in one piece. Thanks for bringing him though, Alien Dude!”

Michael nods at Forrest, then glances back at Alex, an unreadable expression in his dark gaze. “I’ll call you tomorrow about the SUV,” he promises. “It might take me a couple of hours, but I’ll get it up and running for you by Monday. You need to be on base by six, right?”

“Yeah. Thanks, Guerin -- I owe you one.” Really, he’s lost track of who’s one-upping who when it comes to favors, but Alex isn’t interested in keeping score, and he doesn’t think Michael cares much, either.

Michael nods at them one more time, his eyes lingering on Alex’s face for long enough to make him start to squirm, and then he’s gone, disappearing in a plume of exhaust and the groan of overworked machinery, leaving Alex and Forrest staring after his his taillights and Alex feeling strangely bereft.

“All right,” Forrest says, his voice twice as cheerful as it had been only a moment ago. “Let’s get the night started, shall we? You missed out on Happy Hour, but I scored you a feather boa anyway.”

Alex laughs, letting the teasing ease him back from thinking about Michael and into focusing on Forrest and their plans. This is the path he’d chosen, the person he’d chosen. He’s never going to give up on being a part of Michael’s life, and he’ll protect the aliens and their secret with everything he has in him to make up for what his family did to theirs. But Michael can be his family without being his lover, and Alex needs to stop confusing the two before he winds up heartbroken and alone all over again.

Sometimes, love just isn’t enough. Cosmic doesn’t mean much without commitment, without trust, and there are too many complicated feelings between Alex and Michael to make a go of it. So he smiles, leans into Forrest’s side, and allows himself to be led into Planet 7 with a warm arm draped over his shoulders.

*******

Despite the anxiety leading up to their first few dates, being with Forrest turns out to be surprisingly easy. He’s smart and funny, quick with a witty comment or self-deprecating joke, and never pushes Alex further than he’s willing to be pushed. He understands Alex’s service background and love of writing, even if music isn’t his preferred medium, and encourages Alex to dress and act in a way that makes him feel true to himself. Alex smiles a lot around him, and laughs, and starting their relationship feels like sliding into an old, worn jacket -- soft and comfortable, without any real friction.

“So, basically, you’re bored,” Maria summarizes, after Alex finishes telling her about how smoothly things are going. They’re in the Wild Pony just after opening, Maria in her usual position behind the bar, Alex sitting on a stool opposite. She’s only been back to work for a few weeks after her stint in the hospital, but there’s no sign of weakness in the way she runs her business -- or the way she’s looking at him now.

“What? No! That’s not what I mean,” Alex argues, shaking his head quickly. “I said things are comfortable between us. That doesn’t mean I’m bored!”

Maria raised an eyebrow, her brightly-painted fingernails tapping against the bar. She’s dressed fairly conservatively tonigh in a flannel shirt and a pair of form-fitting jeans, but her nails are painted in pastels, a minor homage to her usual style. “Sweetie, you’ve been dating for what, two weeks? Relationships that new aren’t supposed to be easy, and definitely not comfortable. Two weeks in is like the honeymoon! You’re supposed to want to spend every waking moment together, to have to fight to keep your hands off of each other -- and instead of telling me about how hot he makes you, you’re comparing him to an old coat.” Skepticism drips from her words, and Alex crosses his arms over his chest and stares back at her in return annoyance.

“We’re taking things slow,” he says, and winces inwardly at the defensive tone.

While it’s true that Alex hasn’t exactly had to fight to keep his hands off of Forrest, he hasn’t been fully honest about them agreeing to take their sexual relationship slowly. Alex isn’t a prude, and it’s not that Forrest isn’t exactly his type. He’s just been unsure about taking that next step. Every time their dates end up at Forrest’s place -- and it’s honestly just a coincidence that Forrest has never stayed at Alex’s. It’s just always worked out that way; Alex isn’t trying to keep him out of his personal space -- and their goodbye turns into a little more than kiss, there’s always something holding Alex back from letting the moment continue. Forrest is great about it, and smiles when Alex pulls away, but after four dates and four attempts at moving onto second base, Alex can tell he’s starting to get frustrated.

Honestly, so is Alex. He doesn’t know why he’s so reticent to sleep with his boyfriend. Forrest has always been embarrassingly up front about finding Alex sexy, and he’s never so much as blinked at the realities of Alex’s amputation or scars -- but even so, Alex can’t do it. He’s just not ready.

But he’ll be damned if he admits any of that to Maria. Alex has no desire to know how she’d read into that information whatsoever.

“Uh-huh, right. Slow.” Maria pours a shot of whiskey into two glasses and slides one across the bartop to him, eyebrows raised in challenge, and Alex makes a face, but clinks his shot glass against Maria’s and knocks it back. “Okay, great. Are you drunk enough to tell me the truth now, or --”

“Whoa, shots before the sun goes down? And here I thought I was the town drunk.”

When Alex turns, he finds himself face-to-face with a smirking Michael Guerin. He’s wearing his usual jeans and open-collared shirt, black cowboy hat tipped forward on his head, and he’s obviously trying to act nonchalant. But Alex knows that he’s been avoiding Maria ever since she broke up with him -- Maria had been complaining about it half an hour ago. With that in mind, he looks at Michael again, and sees the tense lines around his eyes and the sharp edges of his smile.

“I think I’ve got a ways to go before I’m even tipsy,” Alex retorts, shaking his head in bemusement. “But you’re welcome to join us and see how many shots it takes.” In the weeks since their last meeting, it’s gotten easier to be around Michael without worrying about saying or doing the wrong thing. They’ve relaxed back into their usual banter, supported by genuine care for each other, and Alex isn’t spending every second of every interaction analyzing microexpressions anymore. It’s a nice change, and he’s planning on doing whatever he can to make sure it sticks around this time.

“You have no idea how much I wish I could,�� Michael groans, and gestures over one shoulder with his thumb. Alex follows the movement and finds Isobel and Max Evans settling into a table at the back of the bar. Isobel’s perfectly-lined eyes are rolling in what can only be exasperation, and Max just looks miserable. There are bags beneath his eyes, and his hair and beard have seen better days, while Isobel is her usual immaculate self in floral dress with a flowing skirt and an updo. “Iz decided she’s had enough of Max’s moping and wants to get him laid.”

The disbelieving noise that escapes from Alex’s throat really isn’t a reflection on Max’s looks -- he has no doubt that, if his heart were in it, the defacto leader of Michael’s little family could find someone to take home with him. But the guy is clearly miserable and heartbroken over Liz’s departure, still. There’s no way Isobel’s going to convince him to pick anyone up tonight, no matter how many beautiful women she parades past the table.

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Michael says, shaking his head. “I told her she’s crazy. Max has been pining over Liz for longer than he’s known how to speak in complete sentences. There’s no way he’s moving on that easy -- but you know how Isobel is.” He shrugs, a what can you do? sort of gesture, and Alex is stopped from answering by Maria clearing her throat pointedly from behind the bar.

Michael glances her way, his shoulders tensing for a second, but his smile is only slightly strained. “‘Sup, Deluca?” he asks. “I need three of whatever you’ve got on tap.” The interaction is wholly impersonal, and Alex almost winces for Maria, who definitely didn’t miss the cool tone in Michael’s voice as he spoke to her. Obviously, he’s still upset about the break-up, or at least holding onto some hard feelings. It’s not like Alex can blame him either, as much as he wants to be able to take Maria’s side, or at least understand her perspective. But Alex knows what it’s like to love Michael Guerin, and he knows what it’s like to lose him, and he can’t understand why Maria would put herself through that if she didn’t have to. She hasn’t really explained herself, either, to Michael or to Alex, so it’s almost impossible to empathize.

“You should come hang out,” Michael invites, when Maria turns away to get his drinks. “There’s already a crowd, so she’s going to be too busy to chat soon.” He’s right; the Pony has filled up while Maria grilled him on Forrest, and there’s already a line forming at the bar. For now, the second bartender has it covered, but it won’t be long before Maria will have to devote her full attention to running drinks. “You get company, I have someone to buffer and maybe stop me from killing one of my siblings . . . it’s a win-win situation, really.”

Alex chuckles, and nods his easy agreement. He’s not entirely sure how he feels about Max Evans after what he did to Flint -- it’s not like he hadn’t had a good reason to want the man dead, considering what he’d done, but despite all of his sins, Flint is still Alex’s brother. But it’s hard to look at the guy moping in a bar full of people and see a cold-blooded killer, and Alex wants to like Max. Plus, Isobel is always good for a laugh and at least one ridiculous story, and Alex never needs much of an excuse to spend time with Michael. “Yeah, sure,” he says. “But I’m telling you, if Max starts crying into his cup, I’m out of there.”

“Deal,” Michael agrees with a laugh. He heads back to the table with Isobel and Max, his body language getting looser the further he gets from Maria. Alex wonders if he realizes how much more relaxed he seems as he rejoins Max and Isobel -- before Max’s death, that was the last word he would have used to describe Michael in his presence, but now, it’s like something has clicked between them, and Guerin is clearly most comfortable with his family.

Alex tries not to hope that extends to him.

“He’s still giving you the cold shoulder, huh?” Alex asks, once Michael is out of earshot. He’ll go join them in a minute, after he has a chance to say goodbye to Maria and try, one more time, to figure out why she’d ended a relationship that seemed to make her genuinely happy.

Sighing, Maria nods. “Guess so. I was hoping that it’d get better, once he finally started coming back to the Pony, but --” she waves a hand in Guerin’s vague direction, the golden bangles on her wrist clacking together. “I get a ‘hey, how are you?’ and a ‘I’ll take a beer, please,’ and that’s about it. He doesn’t even try to get out of paying anymore, and I never thought I’d be bummed about that.” Her nose wrinkles, and Maria hunches forward over her elbows on the bar, looking run down. “I miss him, you know?”

Alex knows. Intimately. “Then maybe you shouldn’t have broken up with him?” he suggests leadingly, hoping that he’ll get a reason without having to ask, explicitly, why Maria had ended things. The suggestion sends a brief shock of something through his chest, but Alex doesn’t let himself stop to analyze it.

Maria rolls her eyes, but there’s a lingering sadness in them that Alex could pick up from across town. He knows Maria too well to fall for the act she’s putting on, and they both know it. “I had to,” she says finally, the words slow enough that Alex can tell she’s thinking it through even as she answers. “I didn’t want to, but—“ The sentence hangs in the air between them, but Maria doesn’t finish; instead, she shrugs. “I didn’t doubt that he loved me, you know. That wasn’t it— I know he thinks it was. But when you went missing, he just... didn’t think. Didn’t stop to ask for help, or wonder what he was walking into. He just started off on this crusade to get you back, all on his own.”

Alex opens his mouth, ready to tell her that Michael would have done the same for her, and that kind of recklessness probably isn’t a healthy, positive trait in a stable relationship, but Maria silences him with a look.

“Every time I called, every time I needed him— it wasn’t like that. He was always there, he always showed up for me— I’m not complaining! But Michael never jumped without looking, without thinking first, when it came to me. He was never desperate, or past reason, you know? He always managed to keep his secrets, or protect his family while he was saving me. But he didn’t do that when it came to you. Michael thought you were in real, mortal danger, and his first instinct was to do whatever was necessary to save you, and screw whoever else it might hurt.”

What the hell is he supposed to say to that? He sees where Maria is going with her explanation, now, and he’s not proud of the small, smug feeling hiding beneath the incredulity growing under his breastbone. “Maria, that’s not --”

“And,” Maria interrupts, raising her voice as if determined to be heard, whether Alex wants to listen or not. “As stupid as it sounds, considering the sci-fi horror movie our lives have become, I want someone to be that desperate at the thought of losing me.” Maria laughs, then, a short, self-deprecating sound. “I don’t want to play second-fiddle to the one great love of his life, Alex. As much as I love him, as much as I believe he loves me, dating isn’t fair for either of us.”

Alex stares at her, his lips parted as he flounders for the right words. He’s torn between trying to convince her that she’s wrong, that he and Michael are doing well at being friends and that it’s enough, and telling her that maybe she’s right, that it was never going to work out, and he wants her to be happy.

“That’s not— he’s not—“ Alex can’t argue, really. He knows, deep down, in the same part of his subconscious that knows the sky is blue and the grass is green, that Michael would do anything for him, and Alex would do the same in return. Even when they couldn’t look at each other without wanting to scream or cry, they’d always done their best to protect one another, and Alex doesn’t think that’s ever going to change. He’d promised Michael, once, that he’d keep him safe from his family, from the government, and Alex isn’t going to go back on his word on the off-chance that Michael and Maria might manage to work things out.

“Look, Maria,” he says finally. “Helena asked him to build a weapon of mass destruction.” The words feel the words like they’re being torn from his throat, but Alex perseveres. “And he did it. If she’d wanted him to build a bomb that could kill everyone in town, or more— he really might have done it, no matter who got hurt, just like you said.” Another full shot glass appears in front of him when he pauses, and Alex throws it back without a second thought, hoping the liquor will ease the ache caused by reliving everything that’s gone wrong with Guerin. “And how am I supposed to live with that? Knowing what he might do? What I could do, if our roles got reversed?”

The question is as good as admitting that Alex still has feelings for Michael, and he knows it. Hiding things, especially feelings, from Maria DeLuca has always been all but impossible, and this time, she’d barely had to give him a nudge before he spilled his guts. Damn it. How is he supposed to go over and drink with Michael and his family now?

“See? The fact that you didn’t even try to deny it is pretty telling, Alex,” Maria says, her lips quirked at the corners. “Instead, you immediately jump to how dangerous the lengths you’d go to for each other are. And yeah, maybe it’s a bad idea for you to be together -- I don’t know. That’s for you two to figure out.” Soft hands tighten around his. “But I had to make a choice for myself, too, and now I’m sure I made the right one.”

The noises of the bar and growing crowd around them fill the silence until Alex squeezes Maria’s hands and moves to pull back to say goodbye, before Guerin comes back to ask what’s taking so long -- the last thing either of them need is for Michael to overhear this conversation. But Maria’s grip tightens instead of releasing, and when Alex glances up at her, eyebrow raised in question, she’s staring at him with a strange intensity that tells him he really, really doesn’t want to hear whatever she’s about to say next.

“Don’t you think that Forrest should have a chance to make that choice?” she asks, and Alex yanks his hands free as he slides down from the barstool, more than ready to tell Maria to have a good night and leave. “I know you don’t want to hear it, Alex, but dating him is no different than Michael dating me. And--”

“And what, Maria?” Alex demands sharply. “You want me to tell you that I’m not sure about Forrest? You want me to admit there are times when we’re together that I have to remind myself that he’s not Michael, and I can’t expect him to know stupid things like the fact that I never remember to get a freaking oil change? Yeah, okay! I’ve been in love with Michael since I was seventeen. I can’t just flip a switch and stop feeling that way, even if it’s the right thing to do!”

Flustered at the sudden deluge of feeling and irritated by Maria’s pushing, Alex barely registers when Maria’s gaze jerks to one side and widens. “Alex -”

But he’s been holding back for weeks, months, years of watching Michael with other people and trying to open himself up to dating, too, and Alex isn’t ready to stop talking now that he’s started. So he ploughs forward, ignoring her interruption. “But you can’t compare yourself with Forrest, either -- it’s not the same. We’re dating! It’s fun, but he’s not in love with me. It’s not --”

“Alex!”

“Oh, no, don’t interrupt him on my account.”

Fuck. Like he was free-falling from a plane without the guarantee of a parachute, Alex’s stomach sinks and flips.

Forrest.

Alex spins around to find the guy he’s supposed to be dating standing less than a foot away, back and to Alex’s right, just a little in front of the crowd that now stretches from the entrance to the bar itself. Horror and guilt bloom in his stomach, making him feel nauseous. Alex struggles to make his mouth form words, his mind spinning as he tries to put together an explanation for whatever Forrest had just heard -- and what had he heard? How long has he been standing there? Alex honestly has no fucking clue, and the horrified, apologetic expression on Maria’s face suggests that she doesn’t, either. “I --” Alex shakes his head and forces a smile on his face. He can only hope it doesn’t look too fake. “I didn’t know you were going to be here tonight,” he says, biting his lower lip.

Both of Forrest’s eyebrows lift high enough that they disappear into his hairline. “Yeah, I’d say that’s pretty obvious,” he drawls, arms crossed defensively over his chest. Alex’s heartbeat speeds as the uncomfortable moment stretches between them, and for once, he’s grateful when someone drops a quarter in the jukebox and starts blaring an old country song at top volume. It cuts through the awkwardness a little, at least. “I came to meet a couple of friends who wanted to talk about plans to expand Open Mic night -- so, imagine my surprise when I came over here and heard the guy I’m dating talking about still being in love with his ex.”

Alex grips the edge of the bar, hard, and looks down at the floor. “I’m sorry you had to hear that,” he says quietly, the words barely audible over the din of the bar. “Can we maybe go somewhere to talk about this? I know I owe you an explanation, and I didn’t mean to --”

But Forrest shakes his head before he can even finish the sentence, lips thin and eyes hard. “Look,” he says, and the timbre of his voice matches the look in his eyes. “We haven’t been dating long, and you really don’t owe me an explanation. I’ve known you have history with Guerin since we met at the barn, and it’s not like I haven’t had plenty of clues since then that you’re not over him.” He runs fingers through his vibrantly blue hair, looking away from Alex while his jaw clenches and unclenches. When his gaze meets Alex’s again, the anger is still obvious, but this time, resignation is, too. “I mean, come on. You called him to come pick you up for our first date, when I could have come to get you just as easily after the car died. And last week, when you were talking to Liz in the car? You should have seen the way your face lit up when you started telling her about how he’s thinking about going to college or whatever. And that song -- fuck. How did I miss that the song was about him?”

Forrest paces in a small circuit around the barstools in their immediate area, and Alex remains silent, unable to say or do anything to defend himself or correct Forrest -- because everything he’s said is true. Alex may not have realized it, and he’d truly gone into this relationship with the best of intentions, but he’d never really wanted Forrest. He’d liked the way he felt with Forrest, enjoyed being flirted with and pushed out of the comfort zone he’d hidden within for so long, and Alex had mistaken liking Forrest’s company for romantic feelings. And all the while, he’d been trying to push away real romantic feelings for Guerin, like he’d been doing for the last decade of his life.

God, he’s such an asshole.

“So. Here it is. I’m going to go home, get drunk, and hate you for a while. You’re going to leave me alone. And then, in a few months when I can look at you without wanting to either yell or cry, we’re going to be friends. Because there aren’t enough gay guys in Roswell, and I think we could both use a friend who gets it.”

It’s such a Forrest way of breaking up with Alex that he almost laughs. It didn’t seem like anything could ruffle Forrest’s feathers -- it had been one of the things that drew Alex to him from the start. That constant calm, the feeling that no matter how chaotic and out of control Alex got, Forrest would be steady. But a desire for control, or something easy, isn’t a good enough reason to be with someone, not when Alex has always thrived in high-pressure situations, has always sought out the adrenaline rush. Maybe it’s a side effect of his ruined childhood, but Alex has always preferred the chaos of his time with Michael to anything else.

Alex swallows, his smile small and a little sad when he nods at Forrest. “Okay. I can do that. But seriously, I really am sorry. I really thought that I could move on, and I wanted to try with you because you always made me feel so brave.”

Forrest sucks in a breath, shakes his head again, and disappears into the crowd, headed toward the exit.

Alex doesn’t go after him.

******

It takes Michael about twenty minutes to find him after Alex leaves the Wild Pony. He’d considered sticking around and drinking until the shame and guilt melted away into an alcoholic haze, but ultimately, Alex has enough problems without adding alcoholism to the list. So he’d said goodnight to a still-apologetic Maria, avoided the stares and whispers that came from being dumped very publicly in a small, gossip-mongering town, and slipped out into the street.

He walks home, thankful for the house he bought that’s only a mile or so from the Wild Pony and the fact that he’s able to walk for a mile without the pinching and aching his old prosthetic had caused. He’ll be sore tomorrow, probably, but it’s worth the night air and the chance to clear his head. The confrontation with Forrest had been so public that Alex is feeling more embarrassed than guilty, at this point, but he knows that when that dies down, he’ll be angry with himself for hurting someone that way. No, Forrest hadn’t been in love with him, but that didn’t excuse the way Alex had treated him -- and he’s going to have to deal with that, somehow.

“You know, I’m pretty sure normal people don’t walk down abandoned alleys at this hour,” a familiar voice says from behind him, and instead of jumping at the unexpected presence, Alex lets go of the tension he hadn’t known he was carrying. Michael Guerin’s voice has always meant security, to Alex, even when it wasn’t guaranteed.

“Good thing neither of us are normal people,” Alex shoots back, stopping to wait for Michael to catch up. When they’re shoulder to shoulder, he starts forward again, falling into step with Guerin without even thinking about it. “I thought you’d still be at the Pony-- it’s awfully early, if you’re trying to keep that town drunk title.”

Michael huffs a laugh. “What do you mean? They ended the night with a floor show, so I figured the bar was closing.” He should probably be offended by the joke, Alex thinks, or at the very least embarrassed that Michael most likely overheard everything Forrest said, but he’s not. Instead, he’s just glad that Michael cared enough to chase after him, even now.

They walk in silence for a while longer before they arrive at the fence around Alex’s yard. He opens it with his key and gestures Michael inside -- he’s come this far, after all, and he isn’t trying to make an excuse to leave. Alex kills the security system and leads the way into the kitchen, kicking off his shoes and shrugging out of his jacket as he goes. “You want coffee?” he asks, heading straight for the coffee pot that’s served him well for the last several years.

Michael shrugs. “Sure, if you’re making it anyway.” He leans against the wall of cabinets a foot or so away from where Alex is measuring out coffee grounds, one foot propped casually behind him, arms hanging loose at his sides, and Alex can feel the weight of his stare as he flips the power switch on the coffee pot. But neither of them say anything, and the anticipation of the moment when someone finally breaks is enough to make Alex’s pulse speed up.

“So, are we going to talk about this, or --?” Unsurprisingly, Guerin is the first one to give in and speak.

Alex turns to face him properly, fidgeting with the bottom of his henley as he does. “Do you want to?”

It’s a fair question. Every time Alex has tried to talk to Guerin about their relationship, about the chance of moving forward, Michael’s been the one to say ‘no,’ or to walk away, and Alex doesn’t know if he’s brave enough to try again without some reassurance that this time will be different. He doesn’t mind fighting for Michael, doesn’t mind protecting him and loving him from a distance, if that’s what he needs, but there’s a limit to the number of times he can put himself on the line and be vulnerable only to have it thrown back in his face.

There’s a beat of silence, but ultimately, Michael nods. “Last time we talked about this, I couldn’t unravel what your father did to my mother from you and me,” he says quietly, his grease-stained fingers drumming idly on his own arms. “And I needed to know if I could find something -- someone -- who didn’t have the same power over me that you always have. Being with you has always made me feel like I’m in free fall, and I couldn’t be sure there wasn’t about to be a fiery crash landing.”

It hurts more than Alex expected, to hear that, but he knows he’s given Michael reason to worry. “Yeah,” he sighs, flipping the coffee pot off when the light comes on, signalling that it’s done brewing. “Is that still how you feel now?” If the answer is ‘yes,’ Alex doesn’t know where this conversation will lead, but he needs to know either way.

“Alex, I’m pretty sure I’m always going to feel out of control when I’m around you,” Michael says bluntly, taking a step forward, his gaze intent on Alex’s face. “You and me, we’ve never been easy, and my bet is that if we try this, we’re going to have to put some effort in to make it work -- but my mom never got the chance to be with Tripp. She had a lot more reasons than I do to be afraid, or to run in the other direction, and she didn’t, because she knew that love was worth it.”

Reading Tripp’s journal had been an emotional experience for all involved, but Alex wonders if he missed Michael having this revelation that day. He’d been caught up in his own thoughts, his own regrets for himself and his father, and the people they might have been if Tripp survived, so he supposes it’s possible.

“I don’t want to spend any more time wondering if we can be happy together,” Michael continues, suddenly close enough that Alex can feel his breath against his face. As usual, his mere proximity makes Alex’s cheeks feel warm and his stomach feel tight. He couldn’t speak now, even if he wanted to interrupt. “I don’t want to wake up every day for the rest of my life with the same hollow feeling in my gut when I realize you’re not in bed beside me. I don’t want to watch you date anymore assholes who make you smile, and I -- fuck, I want to be able to remind you to get your damn car serviced so you don’t end up stranded on the side of the road!”

Alex’s laugh is a little wet, and he’s reaching out to touch Michael’s stubbled cheek before his mind registers the action. He’s utterly overwhelmed with Michael’s admission, blown away by the honesty and the affection and the care, and God, he wants. He aches for Michael in that moment like he’d spent the better part of a decade aching for him in another part of the world, homesick for a person who wasn’t his anymore, and Alex wants to reclaim that home now more than ever.

Michael swallows, Adam’s apple bobbing convulsively, and continues, “I still can’t look away, Alex. And it hasn’t been our time, but now -- now I think it could be. If you still want to try this with me.”

This time, Alex’s laugh is incredulous. “I thought you heard what Forrest said at the bar,” he says, his expression impossibly fond as he looks back at Michael. “I’m in love with you. And I’m done running.”

The impulse to do it again will come back, he knows. Alex’s spent his entire adult life running, in some way or another, and that’s not going to vanish overnight because he has Michael. But he wants to stay, now. He wants to make a home with the man in front of him, wants to tie their lives together in every conceivable way and spend the rest of his days protecting Michael and making him happy. And that’s a pretty solid foundation on which to build.

Michael’s smile is wide and earnest in a way Alex has so rarely seen, and he drinks it in, promising himself that he’s going to take every opportunity to make Michael smile that way in the future.

And then, without overthinking, without worrying about what happens next, Alex closes the remaining distance between their bodies and seals their lips together in a hard, affirming kiss. Michael’s arms close around him, and Alex allows himself to melt into the warm, strong chest in front of him, content in the knowledge that Michael won’t let him fall.

For the first time since he went to war at eighteen, Alex Manes is officially home.

[peachlolitasevillacourtstuff]

Stratos and Oona Story (part 2)

PAC: Oh... Sir.c: that platoon almost cost him his life, Stratos lost a lot of blood, his emorrage was foolishly horrible, he was one of many soldiers to survive such an attack Stratos: after that squad ended, I had passed out, they took me urgently to emergencies, there were many doctors, fortunately they stopped the bleeding, but I, I ... Cily: Ugh, horrible..... What happened? Sir.c: STRATOS! ANSWER PLEASE! YOU'RE GOING TO BE WELL MY FRIEND! Stratos: sir.c .. I am very cold .. * whisper in a very weak tone * Sir.c: STRATOS! 😢😭 Spheria: Don’t worry! You’ll be fine! Oona: STRATOS! STRATOS! WHY YOU!? 😭😡 Stratos: she was crying I could feel her tears falling on my face towards my chest, I was very dying, I was very close to dying if that was the wish of my destiny Pac: and how did he survive? Stratos: it was hardly my luck that saved me, they put me in the surgery room Stratos: I-I’m sorry Oona... *He says, weakly* Doctor: we will have to operate, he is seriously injured, he has also had several fractures in his chest, we must make some notes Stratos: huh. * falls asleep from fainting * Cyli: and what happened? Stratos: I literally got up from the table, I was in a coma for a whole week. Pac: Woah... Oona must have been so worried.... Oona: STRATOS THANKS TO HEAVEN YOU ARE ALIVE! * said hugging stratos with tears * Stratos: oona, please, my chest hurts 😓😢 Sir.C.: Hey hey, watch out, dear!😅 How are you, my friend? Stratos: what happened? Sir.c: the platoon was brutal, you were brutally injured, and you injured your chest and leg, now that you are awakened we have great news for you and everyone Stratos: what thing? Sir.c: well while you were in a coma, we were able to take down 27% more of the betrayus army. Spheria: Yup! We are winning! All this will be over soon and we will be finally able to stop them! Sir.C.: Yes! Stratos: that's so great, I'm sorry I'm absent because of my coma Spheria: you are forgiven Stratos, just rest you are not in a position to fight * said the sergeant retiring * Oona: are you going to beat your brother? Stratos: there is no other way to stop him, it is the only way, and I know that it is difficult to accept reality but you have to kill him. Sir.C.: *Blinks* Are you seriously asking her to do it?! Stratos: I'm not asking you to do it Sir.c, I just want everything to end at once Sir.c: well * leaves the room * Stratos: Oona you have brothers Oona: not to be honest, what it was like growing up with a brother like that Stratos: he was not evil, he was my little brother, an innocent and very tender boy, he always needed me, but I gave him my shadow now I am in a war against a being that I forget to forgive. Pac: *Sniff* Cily: Oh Pac *Gives him a handkerchief* Pac: Thanks ;-; Stratos: hehe did I make you cry pacman? xD Pac: yes ;w; Your reasoning is really sad.. Stratos: continuing with my story, spheria and Sir.c had gone out on a new risky mission, I stayed together with Oona, I was not in the condition to fight, however, an infection fell on my wound in the leg, I had fallen a very high fever Oona: stratos are burning! * says very worried * Stratos: It’s ok, I just feel very hot..... Oona: no god you have a high fever! the wound on your leg, you have contracted an infection! Statos: infection! ARGH! * He said growling in pain * Oona: calm there is enough alcohol to disinfect you * she goes for her medicine cabinet, and with scissors she removes the bandage from stratos, and with cotton and alcohol she begins to rub her infection * Stratos: AAAAARGH! GOT DAMN! * Screams in pain * Stratos: I-It burns a lot! Be careful, please! Oona: OH, im so sorry <:c Stratos: now.. forgive me I didn’t want to scream to you Stratos: I was burning a lot, I even got very cold because of my fever, but Oona relaxed me and told me that I would be very well soon, she realized for a second when she saw my paleness in my body, she knew what it meant. Oona: Stratos there is not enough heat for you, I will have to share mine. Stratos: * gasps * Oona, you can't, do this for me .. Oona: it is the only option ... Stratos: then she took off much of her clothes and pounced on me, it was the most uncomfortable thing in my life, and at the same time satisfying, because that same moment she and I. * then realizes that pac and cyli paid attention to him * well, we did what men and women do to make babies ^^; Sir.c: there I was already liking that part Stratos * said annoyed and disappointed * Pac: Hehe..*Smile nervously, embarrassed* Stratos: the next morning I was already much better than yesterday, I no longer had a fever, but oona was asleep next to me, I forgot she curled up on me. * spheria arrives * Spheria: hello Stratoooooosss! * is surprised to see him together with Oona and knew what they did that night while they went to the mission * Stratos: don't tell anyone * he said covering himself with shame * Spheria: *Chuckles a little* Ok ok, don’t worry. Sirr.C.: *Arrives too* Why are you chucking? *Sees Stratos and Oona* Stratos: it was only one night now they could go I need to get dressed! >: v Spheria: ok romeo I hope you had protection !? * said durla * Stratos: SHUT UP! * said even more annoyed with embarrassment * don't even think to tell my brother too! Sir.C.: Hehe, we would never dared! *Chuckles* * then Oona gets up * Oona: good morning stratos * she says getting up showing her body without clothes Stratos: WAH OONA! GET COVERED! * Said putting a sheet on top of her * Sir.C.: *Blush* Spheria: Ok, maybe it’s better to leave the two lovebirds alone *several minutes later* Oona: I'm sorry to breed Stratos with you, it was the only way for you to be hot Stratos: it wasn't a big problem, despite being my first time * he said very flushed like tomato * Oona: and have you thought about having a family? Stratos: Well, not really..... Oona: why do you say it Stratos: to be honest, my father abandoned my brothers and my mother with a broken heart, and we have not heard from him then, a year before this war we received the bitter news that he died, but it did not affect us too. But I think it would be nice to have a family and being myself a father.. Oona: why did I abandon them? Stratos: you know he never asks me, and mama never said anything to us Oona: it would have been something marital Stratos: I do not remember, I do not remember who my father was, all the photos and images about him were erased from nowhere. Stratos: My mom probably got rid of it... Understandable.. Oona: well that doesn't matter anymore, at least he died before seeing what his youngest son became Stratos: It's what I'm most happy about. But my sister is even more recent, especially with betrayus, because of her, her husband disappeared. Oona: hey, it wasn't too bad that night hehe Stratos: hey it was only once, then another time we will do it again, now you have to keep it between the two of you. ¬-¬ Stratos: But yes, it was a good night *Kiss her cheek* Oona: hahaha, you are so cute * he kisses the tip of his nose * Stratos: oh .. ° /// - /// ° * suddenly kisses his mouth * Oona: Mh !!! * is shocked * cyli: and then what happened oona got pregnant? Stratos: eeeeggh.. of course 😅🤷‍♂️ Pac: haha and cedrick came baby don't you! Stratos: of course hehe * said even more awkward *

[burnt-tomato]

The Red String of Fate

The Red String of Fate links two soulmates together signifying that they are made for each other. This certain string can appear when you are born or when you and your soulmate finally meet. Though this string can be broken, whether because of arguments, long distance, any of the two meeting someone else they like, taking the two too long to meet, or when intentionally cut. If the string was accidentally cut, it would come back. But the string can be fixed if and only if one of the soulmates has enough energy or power to revive it.

warning: curse words, boy x boy

pairing: IwaOi ( Iwaizumi x Oikawa )

anime: Haikyuu!!

this is my first fanfic so I apologize for any grammar errors. it may also seem rushed and might not be pleasant to read and I also apologize for that. even if english is my second language, my vocab isn't as good as other writers

- - s n a p - - . . . . . . . . . . . . . . !!

That sound. The sound that sounds so painful yet so relieving. The sound that I can't decide whether if I like it or not. The sound that just might decide things for me. The sound that would me you feel ill and 'empty'. I t h u r t s b a d l y .

Bzzzt! Bzzzt! Bzzzt!

Crap. What time is it?

"Hajime! Are you awake yet? Get ready for school already. At this rate you'll be late for the first period. Tooru's waiting for you outside."

Oh. Shit. I overslept again. And how the fuck is that Shittykawa waiting for me? Most of the time he's the one who's late. Too late for that then.

I quickly got dressed and went downstairs. I didn't even bother eating breakfast. I dashed out of the door just to be greeted by Oikawa.

"Why isn't this a surprise, Iwa-chan! For the first time I'm the one waiting for you."

"Haha very funny Crappykawa"

"Can't you call me anything else other than Crappykawa?"

"So which do you prefer? Shittykawa or Trashykawa?"

"E-eh?? I'd go for Crappykawa then!" Oikawa pouted afterwards.

We both rushed to school and barely made it just in time. Teacher got mad at us though for arriving last minute.

Oikawa Tooru. He's been my best friend for as long as I can remember, although to this day I'm still wondering why I even agreed to being with him. It was more like a forced friendship because we were the only kids in the neighborhood of the same age. He's also the reason I got into volleyball. Well, sort of. He kinda forced me into learning how to play just so someone can spike his tosses. Actually, eversince he came, something's been going on with my life differently.

10 years ago, there was this family that has just moved in into our neighborhood. I was 7 or 8 at the time. Mom called me to come downstairs to greet the new people. When we opened the door, it revealed a tall woman with shoulder length brown hair with dark brown eyes. Beside her was a kid a few centimeters taller than me with brown hair and an ahoge, and seemed to he right at my age. After our greetings, mom invited them inside and in just a few seconds, this random kid was in my room.

"Uh... Tooru, do you want to do or play anything?"

He didn't answer, but he did go out and returned with a volleyball in his hands. He tugged my shoulder sleeve and took me outside. And then I just found myself playing with a kid I just met, although I didn't know how, but he did teach me.

When the sun came down, they said that they were going home.

"Bye Iwa-chan! See you tomorrow"

"Bye Tooru."

Just as he said, the next day we found ourselves playing with each other again. This has been going on for awhile now.

On a normal day, I woke up with a red string tied unto my pinky.

"W-why i-is there a r-red string tied unto m-me??" In panic, I fell down my bed. I debated in my head on whether mom should know about this or not, and came to the conclusion that I would tell her if she noticed. While eating breakfast, even if I tried giving her hints and putting my hand in the most open and obvious spot, she didn't seem to notice at all. Was this just my imagination? Maybe it doesn't actually exist.

I tried my best to just ignore it and just enjoy the rest of the day (Even if having this stupid red string tied unto me. And the fact that it's even going through the walls! Holy crap that's frikin weird.)

I stepped outside to play with Tooru again. Maybe if mom couldn't see it, maybe he can't too. Or should I confirm it with him and ask? Is this string even real? Is it even solid? Why does it look like it's just floating through air? Why is it-

"Iwa-chan! Do you want to play again?"

Why. Why is the damn string attached to him, to the same finger as mine. Why is it connecting the two of us. Should I just ignore it?

"Yeah sure"

I guess I decided to ignore it.

Ever since this string appeared, we seemed closer than usual. There are even times that I forgot it existed. Every time I woke up, it would just be there. It looks like it doesn't have a specific or permanent length, in fact whenever me and Tooru separate, it just extends.

So I decided that I'd cut it. I mean.. what's the harm?

- - s n i p - - . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ! !

"*cough* *c-cough*...!!! I-I c-can't b-breathe...!! M-mom! H-help m-me..!!"

.

.

.

.

.

Bzzzt Bzzzt Bzzzt!!!

H-huh? Why am I on the floor? Did I fall asleep here? I don't remember much from last night... What happened??

I took a glance at my hand. Oh. It's gone.

Honestly though. I don't know if I feel relieved or... something else. My chest feels heavy, actually. Maybe if I go out and play with Tooru I'd feel better-

"Sorry. Tooru's not feeling well today. Just this morning when he woke up, he was sobbing and refused to tell me the reason. I'm sorry Hajime-kun. Maybe tomorrow."

What. Why? Does this have something to do with the string? Ah, don't be stupid Hajime, he probably felt ill. That's all.

I hope so.

When that string appeared, it reminded me of my friendship with Tooru. When we finally started playing as actual friends, that string appeared. It almost felt like a reminder or sign of our connection. Geez Hajime, when did you become so cheesy. Haha yeah I know. And when I cut that string, it felt like I cut my ties with him or in other words, broke away.

That's probably just my imagination though. I really have to stop overthinking things. Despite my arrogance and cold attitude, I do sometimes think about this thoroughly, even if it sounds cheesy and cliche.

.

.

.

"Hey Iwa-chan. Sorry I haven't gotten to play with you for a week. I know it was sudden, but I actually got a high fever, although before that I didn't even feel ill. But I'm okay now! We can finally play agai-! ... Iwa-chan?"

Oh. I didn't even notice that he was talking to me, or even that he was ok now. Eversince he got sick, I've been spacing out more frequently and felt really lonely.

"Ah. Sorry 'bout that Tooru. I'm fine. Are you sure you're not ill anymore? If not, sure let's play some volleyball."

We did. When he got better, even I felt better.

And just when I thought things were finally going to go smoothly...

Ah. It appeared again. The stupid red string. And without a doubt it's tied unto Tooru too. Sigh. What am I gonna do about this...

.

.

.

.

.

"Toor- I mean Oikawa. Can you set to me some of your tosses? I want to practice spiking."

From the benches, I could hear Matsukawa and Hanamaki snickering about how I almost called Shittykawa by his first name.

...

Up to this day this string is still tied unto our hands, mine and Oikawa's. Up until now, I've been constantly cutting that string, but it's not like I cut it because we had arguments or misunderstandings, it's just really... uncomfortable. And the fact that only we can see it, or perhaps, only I can. Oikawa's been spending more time in my house nowadays. We've been getting closer during these years of growing up together. Still, I wonder what this string means. Every time I cut it, after me and Oikawa hangout again, it just comes back. Freaky honestly.

.

.

"Alright everyone!! Practice is over! Go home already, it's getting late. Don't forget that next week we have a practice match, ok?"

We all separate ways, and me and Oikawa walk home together.

"Goodnight Iwa-chan. See you tomorrow."

"Yeah. See you too."

. . .

Huhhhhhhhhhh. Oikawa just texted me.

"Hey Iwa-chan, some fangirl asked me to go out with her. You think I should??" Sent 8:52 PM

Huh...? Why did he ask me? And why do I feel like I got rejected...? Seriously, whenever he gets requests or confessions he always asks me first. It's not like I control him.. But honestly a part of me wants him to not go..

I wonder why...

"Idk. Do u even like her?" Sent 8:54 PM

"Mmm. Not rlly...." Sent 8:54 PM

"Then don't. Bye." Sent 8:55 PM

"Eh? Are you mad? Iwa-chan???" Sent 8:55 PM

"Iwa-chan??"

"IwA-cHan??"

I ignored him. He should just do what he wants.

.

.

.

Fuckkk. Why alarm clock's been ringing for 20 minutes already. It's past 7 AM already. First period starts at 7. Why am I still here..? Is it because I didn't want to see Oikawa hangout with that girl? Haha don't be silly Hajime. I just didn't feel like going.

.

.

.

Hmmm..? It's 5PM already? Fuck how long have I been here? Was I just staring into nothing. I'm hungry. I went down and ate. Then went back to my room.

I stopped. The scissors. The scissors I use to cut the string.. should I?

I grabbed the scissors then-

.

.

"IWA-CHAN!!! WHY didn't you go to school today??? Are you ill? I brought you your homewo-"

I stopped. When did he get here? Did my mom literally just let him in without letting me know? Well, this is just fucking awkward. I'm standing, a bit bent down, holding a pair of scissors against this red string that I don't know if he could see. Up 'till now, I don't know if he could see the string, nd I've been carelessly cutting it.

He dropped everything.

"I-iwa-c-chan... w-why...?? So you've b-been cutting t-he string? It was y-you?..."

Oikawa started sobbing and dropped to the floor. I dropped the scissors, causing a loud thud on the floor, and rushed to him.

"What do you mean? You could see it this entire time? Why didn't you tell me?

"Why have you been CUTTING IT?"

Fuck. I've never heard Oikawa raise his voice. Ever. His voice overlapped his sobs.

"Do y-you not want to be with me? I rejected the girl b-because..."

His voice softened. It got softer right after he shouted.

"W-what? What do you mean? Of course I-I d-do.."

I looked away, hiding my embarrassment.

"Then why have you been cutting it?"

I didn't even notice that we've been on the floor this entire time. His face I held on my chest, my shirt's wet from his tears. After his question, I was dead silent. It's true. Why did I cut the string?

"Iwa-chan, do you not even know what the string means?"

Oikawa muttered softly, his voice being overlapped by the broken sobs echoing in the room.

"Ah... No."

Right after I answered, Oikawa's hands gripped the back part of my shirt tighter. His sobbing got quieter, his face still buried on my chest.

"Iwa... It meant that we were soulmates. The red string signifies that we were meant to stay together, to be there for each other. Eversince I moved into this neighborhood, I had a strong feeling when I first saw you. And I was right. The string appeared after we settled with eachother."

"I... I didn't know that..... Tooru im-!"

"I like you Hajime... I always have... but honestly I never thought about how I could tell you... I was scared that you'd reject me and find it weird that a guy likes a guy..."

He looked down, gripping tighter unto my back.

How could I have been so stupid. I've been cutting that string without a reason, and worst, I never even told him. If I had told him sooner, maybe I could've at least prevented hurting him...

"Hajime...I like you... I love you..."

"Tooru I-"

He gripped my shirt tighther, burying his face deeper unto my chest. He breathed softly, and I could hear his heart beats thumping fast.

"Hajime..."

Oikawa jolted as i wrapped one arm around him and pulled his body closer to mine.

I'm sure he got my answer.

.

.

.

.

.

"EH?? Are you serious, Iwaizumi-san???!!!"

"IWAIZUMI SENPAIIII!!!"

"Why tho"

I held Shittykawa's hand tighter.

"Haha... yeah. We are."

A

Im sososososo sorry this looks sooo bad. I tried to make it as good as I can and literally failed lmao. If you have request, u can ask away <3333

-♤

[aboysbestfriendishismum]

Chapter 51 - Elvis, the beard and Schroedinger’s kisses (Part Two)

In the previous chapter: Eddie wouldn't want to leave San Diego and his house, but he must go and follow his band for the tour. He calls Meg to see if she's got news from Angie and when he finds out that the girl has called her friend, but not him, he takes it kind of bad but doesn't think anything else of it. Matt and Meg have a clarifying conversation where he apologises for his behaviour and reveals he's got a new girlfriend. Meg's not exactly happy about the news. Angie's finally back in Seattle, learns that Eddie has called but doesn't call him back and tries not to think about what happened and about the kiss, which she doesn't mention to Meg. Once she's back to work at Roxy's, Angie gets an unexpected visit by Kurt and Dave, who asks her out again.

**

“Anyway your hair is great. Is it something permanent or...?” Dave is at the counter, saying goodbye before leaving, his lovely friend a few steps behind.

“It's just a coloring shampoo with highlights, it'll go away by washing it...”

“Well they look amazing on you!”

“Suuuure and they have this very... psychobilly vibe in this context.” Kurt shares his mind, points his index finger up and turns it around, as to point at the diner's style “No need to say, the psycho part suits you the most”

“Ha-ha”

“Ok, back to the important stuff: what's your decision?” Dave inquires and it's like he was jumping in place, but keeping his feet well grounded on the floor.

“How can I say no to you?”

“Well, like you did when you dumped him, for example?” Cobain answers my rethorical question and acts confused when both his friend and I give him an annoyed look “What? I said it was an example!”

“You're coming then! Great!” Dave shrugs Kurt's comment off in a second and flashes me another big smile of his. One that makes me think that maybe it would all be much easier if I hadn't dumped him. Or maybe not?

“Yes, but I don't wanna stay out late, ok?”

“Don't worry, you just have to stay for the concert... and a little after the concert, can you?”

“All these fine feelings... you'd like to know my ears are bleeding”

“No, Kurt, we're not interested really. See you at the Off Ramp at 8 then” first I address the singer, who's dramatically wrapping his scarf around his head, then Dave.

“I can come and get you if you want”

“Don't worry, we can meet there”

**

The time at the diner goes unusually fast. Maybe because it was one of the few times I wished it wouldn't pass. The longer I say out of home, the easiest it is to avoid certain phone calls... I finally get back home and as I enter the apartment and see it's all dark inside I think I got away with it for tonight, at least until the door of my roommate's bedroom opens wide right when I'm walking in front of it.

“Hey Meg, still awake?”

“Mmm” she mumbles as she trots through the hallway into the kitchen.

A coincidence? I don't think so. I remain puzzled in the middle of the hallway, until I can hear her turning on the tap. Simple thirst. I shrug and go straight into my room.

“Good night” I whisper as I hear her barefoot steps coming closer again and her reply consists into getting into my bedroom and grab me by the arm as I'm taking my pyjiama from under the pillow. Needless to say, I'm about to have a stroke.

“FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!”

“Angie, you can't act like this”

“Sure I can! You scared me to death!”

“I mean with Eddie. Here” Meg lets me go only after she's put the phone in my hand.

“What the hell does it mean?”

“I get you're disappointed after San Diego, but you can't avoid him forever”

“Meg what the... look, you're making a fuss for nothing” I try to keep calm as I stare at the phone as if she'd just given me an ignited bomb. Did he call again?

“Shut up and call Eddie” she orders but doesn't look so threatening given her half shut eyes and sleepy voice.

“But... I called him already” I blatantly lie and I'm usually very good at it. It shoud be easier with her senses blurred by sleep.

“When?”

“Tonight” I try and give her the phone back but she doesn't move an inch.

“When?”

“Tonight! During my cigarette break”

“From work?”

“Yeah, I left him a message so he won't worry” I give her the phone and this time she reluctantly takes it.

“Uhm... good”

“Ok, good night Meg” I take my pyjiama and quickly walk into the bathroom.

I don't like lying to Meg. No, that's not true. I like it. Well, it's not that I like it but I'm doing it... gladly? I mean, I'm not glad but... I just do it and don't feel guilty for not telling her about the kiss. The kiss. Did it ever happen anyway? Maybe I dreamt about it, like seller, Eddie drowning, Depeche Mode and all the rest. It could have been just a creation of my twisted mind, from the Sonic Youth awakening to the curious lady on the bus. What if I'm still dreaming? Maybe going to bed and sleeping it off is the best way to... wake up! If I still want to.

He won't call anymore anyway.

I get out of the bathroom and check the way. I go to bed and rest my head on the pillow, falling instantly asleep. When I open my eyes I can't say if it's been five minutes or five days but I know for sure that it's not night anymore since the sunlight is coming through the window blinds. And after a few seconds I understand it must not be so late because I can hear Meg's voice and this means she hasn't left yet. A spiderweb in the corner next to the door catches my attention and I'm about to make the equation spiderweb=spider, when a bigger upcoming danger shows up as my friend's voice becomes clearer.

“But didn't she call yesterday?”

Shit.

“Oh. I must have misunderstood then. Huh? No, it's not like she told me she did... it's just me that... I mean, I saw her going to her room with the phone in her hand so I put two and two together and thought she'd call you. Surely she wanted to do it, she must have fallen asleep before hehe. What? No, I'm on the other phone” Meg stutters and I can almost see her as she halts and goes back towards the entrance, where the small table with the main phone is. He can't see you, Meg! But trust me, he doesn't need to see you to see your bullshit. She can't lie but I appreciate the fact she wants to help me despite finding out I told her a lie.

“Wait, I'm gonna call her. Oh no, don't worry, she has to wake up anyway. Ok, just wait, let me get her for you, just one sec!” I move the duvet out of the way not so delicately, basically throwing it on the floor, and after two seconds I'm standing right in front of the door, with Patti Smith looking straight at me with a judgemental look from the poster. I know, I know, I'm ridiculous and childish, can't we discuss this later, auntie?

“Hey Angie, are you awa-” Meg slowly gets in and I cover her mouth with one hand, make sure she's left the phone in the other room and drag her inside, shutting the door behind her.

“I'm not here, ok?” I tell her.

“Mm?” she can just mumble with surprised eyes.

“Please, help me” I beg her as she tries to get free and answer.

“Wh..?”

“I'm gonna explain later, please...” Meg looks up and nods yes. At that signal I can't help letting her go.

“What the fuck” she mouths a moment before disappearing again through the hallway.

I discretely follow her steps... she could still change her mind and pass me the phone. In the meantime I try and put all things together in my mind to prepare myself for the big explanation I'm expected to give soon after. 'Cause I'll have to tell her everything now and she'll think I'm stupid because nothing of this makes sense. I mean, it's perfectly logical to me but it automatically becomes absurd the moment I try to mentally translate it into words to communicate to another human being.

“Yeah, she must have left early, I didn't hear her...” I really hope I'll never commit a crime but if I do I hope I won't have Meg as my only alibi because she's so little credible that she'd have an innocent person condemned.

“Ok, tell me everything. No, wait, the pen doesn't work, I'm gonna take another. I'll be back in a second huh!” Meg gets out of the kitchen and walks me by shaking her head then getting into her room, then she comes out a moment later with a blue pen between her fingers.

“Here I am. Huh-uh... Until tomorrow morning? Ok, I'll tell her. No, not at all! You know how she is, it's just she works stupid shifts and maybe she thinks she'd bother you. Ok, I'll ter her this too. Look, I'm writing it! Angie never bothers. Ok? Hehe bye Eddie have a nice day. Yes, don't worry! Bye”

I take a deep breath and walk towards my destiny. I enter the kitchen with my hands already raised.

“What the fuck happened, can you tell me?” Meg is already waiting for me, sitting on the table with her arms folded.

“It's... it's complicated”

“Did he hurt you?” she asks seriously and I basically laugh at her face, then crawl on a chair.

“Who? Eddie? Of course not, are you kiddin?”

“Was he an asshole to you? Did he get back with his ex?”

“No, at least, I don't think so, not as long as I was there...”

“But something must have happened, right?”

“Well, yeah...”

“Did you have a fight?”

“No”

“Did you tell him about your feelings and-”

“Haha what feelings?”

“Shut up. Did you tell him and he rejected you?”

“I didn't tell him shit!”

“Did he bring up the thing?”

“We didn't talk about... the thing”

“What did you talk about then?”

“We didn't talk”

“Did he let you know without telling? Look, Eddie cares for you, it's evident. Maybe he's got second thoughts because of the age gap and I can understand it, I mean, it's a positive thing. It shows he's a mature and responsible guy”

“There was no talk and no rejection, Meg”

“Did he tell you I love you and then took it back, like Jerry?”

“No!”

“Angie, would you please tell me what the fuck happened or I'll have to try and guess for another couple of hours?”

“He... well...”

“Told you he's gay?”

“No!”

“So what the hell did he do to you?!!”

“He kissed me”

“WHAT?!” Meg jumps off the table so fast that she almost flips it over together with my chair.

“He gave me a kiss. Well, more than one actually, multiple kisses but all together, in the same occasion, so I think we can call it a kiss, I think they count as a single act”

“EDDIE KISSED YOU! And you tell me just like this?”

“How should I tell you?”

“Most of all, you only tell me now?!”

“I'm not even sure it happened for real...”

“ANGIE, I'M GONNA KILL YOU, I SWEAR TO GOD”

“It was a weird moment”

“Did he kiss you, yes or no?”

“I think he did”

“YOU THINK?”

“Yeah, I mean, at this point, after thinking and rethinking all things through, I think I can affirm he 90% actually kissed me”

“What the fuck does it mean, I mean, were you stoned? Were you blindfolded and ignore who put his tongue into your mouth?”

“I didn't mention tongues”

“Did he kiss you without tongue?”

“Well, no, I mean, both with and without”

“OHMYGOD”

“Why? I didn't think it was such an important detail”

“The detail is not important you asshole! I mean, he kissed you. You and Eddie really kissed”

“Yeah”

“And when? What happened? How did it go? Come on, tell me!”

“Didn't you say details are not important?”

“Don't be your usual pain in the ass self and tell me everything”

I spill the beans, also because there's nothing else I can do. I start from the beginning, that is from my arrival in San Diego.

“Did he kiss you on the beach right in front of Jerry Cantrell? Tell me yes”

“No”

I tell her about our touristic tour of the city.

“Did he kiss you at Subway's? On the bench at the park?”

“No”

I add details about the night at the disco I hadn't told her before.

“Did he kiss you while you were doing The Hustle?”

“Noo!”

I try to cut the too long story short by quickly recapping the day with Dina, the show and the after show beach party.

“Did he kiss you backstage? On the beach under the moonlight while the others were skinny dipping in the ocean?”

“No”

“Goodnight kiss when you got back home then?”

“No, Meg”

“Angie, I'm losing my patience, when the fuck did he kiss you?”

“I'm getting there!”

“Just tell me, please”

“Umph... at the bus station before I left”

“You mean... he had two whole days and he kissed you a minute before saying goodbye?”

“Yes...”

“What a dickhead”

“Well, he felt like doing that there and then!”

“Yeah but he's a dick, he had you suffer until the last second”

“That's not true”

“Yes, it is”

“I didn't suffer, they were two fantastic days! I mean, good, two very good days, nice”

“And the kiss? What was it like?”

“Well..”

“Fantastic? Or good? Or just another nice kiss?” she teases me quoting an old conversation of ours about a totally different kiss with someone else.

“It wasn't nice, it was... it was... I don't know, I wouldn't even know how to describe it, it's like I lost my senses for a few minutes”

“Oh Angie”

“I mean, not all senses, not like anesthesia, because I felt everything extremely well”

“Hahaha I can imagine”

“It was... it was electricity, heat, confusion, wind...”

“Wind?” Meg asks and I almost laugh at the coincidence...

“Yeah, much like when the wind makes you lose control while you're walking and blows so heavily against your face that takes your breath away for a second and you almost feel it in your stomach... Like when you dive down on a rollercoaster”

“You took a nice ride on Eddie The Rollercoaster then”

“But that's different because you're already expecting it. This instead... it was more like when you're going down the stairs and take a false step and without realising you tumble and find yourself with your ass on the ground. But I never got to the ground. Eddie was kissing me and I kept falling and falling and that's it”

“And what about Tom?”

“Tom?”

“Jones? Did you hear him?”

“No”

“Hahaha thank god, I'd be seriously worried then!”

“I heard Dave?”

“Dave? Your ex?”

“Gahan, from Depeche Mode. I even saw him dancing actually...”

“Did you and Vedder exchange psychedelics together with saliva?”

“I was present and absent at the same time, I was there, but in a different form, a different state. Like evaporated water or melted ice. More the first, because I felt light. I was evaporating. Well, maybe sublimating would be more correct...”

“And you still have the guts to claim you've got no feelings for Eddie?” Meg interrupts my nonsense pondering with something that makes even less sense.

“I... I have feelings but, well, it's just... I don't really know what they are yet”

“You don't really know?”

“I'm... trying to figure out!”

“I think you can see it from fucking space what the fuck you're feeling for him, Angie”

“Well, I'm the limited one then because I don't get it”

“You know exactly what those feelings are, you just don't want to admit it”

“It's all a big mess”

“Why? Are you afraid? Is that why you're avoiding him?”

“I'm not avoiding him...”

“You literally asked me to tell him you were not here, how do you call it?”

“I'm just postponing a conversation none of us wants to have right now”

Sure, he called you ten times 'cause he doesn't want to talk to you at all, it seems logic”

“He doesn't want to but he feels he has to, 'cause he's a nice guy”

“Nice guy? Excuse me, what do you think he wants to tell you?”

“What do you think? That it was all a mistake and we should forget it”

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”

“Why are you laughing?”

“Hahaha call me silly, but I think he wants to tell you he can't wait to take another ride on your rollercoaster” Meg mimes a rollercoaster with her hand, which lands straight against my right hip.

“Stop it!”

“Or on your windmills” she goes on and pretends to kiss me, then blows against my face.

“You're not funny”

“Well you're making me laugh a lot, you know”

“Eddie and I... it can't be! It's impossible” I get up and walk towards the hallway, my roommate tagging along as she really can't understand.

“Why?”

“Because that's the way it is”

“That's not an answer”

“Because... because we've got nothing to do with each other”

“Oh Jesus...” Meg sighs, walking past me right on the doorway of my room and diving face down on my bed.

“I'm not telling he's better than me. Let's forget for a moment the fact that he is. I'm not saying it's because I am... I don't know, a dusky-capped flycatcher and he's an Atlantic yellow-nosed albatross. It's because we're actually two very different things, like... like... a bollard and a poem by Robert Frost”

“What?” Meg looks up from my duvet and gives me a puzzled look.

“An obliterated bus ticket and... the rings of Saturn”

“Is it a bad sign that in both statements I can easily say who is what for you?”

“You're getting into my logic”

“Please, let me out! You've already given me headache” Meg stretches her arms towards me as I'm still standing in the center of the room, trying to convince my audience that consists in one single person.

“What would Eddie do with me?”

“I don't know, maybe writing a poem by Robert Frost on a bollard with a permanent marker?”

“Using my terrible metaphors against me won't change my mind”

“Eddie knows exactly what he wants to do with you and he already gave you a preview from what I heard”

“Eddie confused friendship with something else, that's all”

“No, it's you who are mistaking a guy in love for a confused person”

“In love?! Hahahahah please!”

“It's your brain that evaporated first, Angie, let me tell you”

“I bet Eddie thinks he's made a stupid mistake” I suggest trying to shake her hand but she shooed mine away.

“Of course he is! You're avoiding him. If I kissed a guy and he ignored me for days, I'd think that too”

“I say he thought of it in spite of my following actions”

“I say you just keep repeating this story to try and convince yourself, whereas you know exactly there's another possibility”

“Of course I know” Meg managed to make me shut up, it takes me a while to reply.

“Ha! See?”

“The two possibilities coexist”

“Exactly”

“And will keep coexisting and being both valid, at least until I don't... observe the system”

“What system?”

“This portion of universe”

“The fuck are you talking about, Angie?”

“Quantum physics. Do you know Schroedinger's cat paradox?” I ask her as I sit beside her on my bed.

“The cat that's dead or alive in the box?”

“Actually, it's both dead and alive until you don't open the box”

“So are you the cat? Or Eddie?”

“Eddie kissed me, then I left and haven't seen or heard of him ever since. It's like I closed him in the box, right? And now we're in a quantum superposition situation, that is two possibilities overlapping”

“Remorseful Eddie and Eddie in love?”

“Yeah... well, more or less”

“The cat is both alive or dead until you check inside the box, so in the same way...”

“Eddie's both remorseful and, ehm, infatuated until I talk to him”

“That's obvious”

“So you must have understood why I wanna talk to him as late as possible”

“Actually... no”

“Oh shit, Meg, follow me! It's Schroedinger's kiss, right? In this scenario, the kiss is both something with a meaning and a mistake that doesn't mean anything”

“Ok...”

“And if I don't talk to Eddie, it'll go on being like that, right?”

“Right”

“And maybe half an alternative is all I've got left, isn't it? What if it's the best I can expect? I'd better hold it, don't you think?”

“You mean you're not calling him because you want to postpone your disappointment?”

“Bingo!”

“And couldn't you just say it like that instead of giving me a headache with this quantum stuff?” she jokes shoving me.

“You forgot someone here has difficulties in admitting things in a linear way...”

“If you're afraid of being disappointed... it means you've got hope!”

“Of course I've got hope! It'd be much easier if I hadn't! But no, there's always a small bitchy part of me who hopes for all these absurdities to become true, that's my problem”

“Once you become Eddie's girlfriend, you'll laugh about all this, Angie” Meg shakes her head and gets up from my bed, walks up to the photocollage Eddie made for me and points right at him in one of the pictures, which captures my whole attention for a good couple of minutes.

“Trying to raise my hopes won't help me”

“So what? Is it better to wallow yourself in a 50% possibility?”

“Still better than 100% certainty”

“Depends on what's the certainty”

“The only logical one”

“And Eddie? Don't you think about him?”

“What do you believe I've been thinking for two days? And who are we talking about?”

“I mean, quantum shit aside, and leaving out the eventual sentimental consequences, you two are friends and friends deserve sincerity and respect”

“Yeah, I know...”

“A friend has been looking for you, for days, and you avoid him with lies, do you think it's a correct behaviour?”

“No, I didn't mean to justify myself, I was only explaining the way I think”

“You think with your ass. Whatever is the reason he wants to talk to you, you're disrespecting him”

“It's hard...”

“Doing the right thing is never easy.” Meg gets out of my room again, then comes back a minute later “Now take the phone, dial the number of the hotel in Santa Rosa Eddie gave to me and open this fucking box” Meg physically puts the phone in my hands once again, together with the notepad he scribbled on while she was talking to Ed.

“Now?”

“Now”

“Now I have to go and get dressed, and go to class”

“Call him while you're getting dressed, it's a chordless phone, no chord, the word says it, you can take it anywhere with you, even in the bathroom”

“Listen, I promise I'll call him later”

“Bullshit, I don't believe you”

“Really, I'll call him by the end of the day, for real, you convinced me”

“You'll call him tonight in front of Grace and I. On speakerphone. Fuck, Grace will literally lose her mind once she'll know you and Eddie kissed haha. Perfect timing for our girls night!”

“Oh err, by the way, I wanted to tell you I won't be here tonight unfortunately”

“What do you mean you won't be here?! What's with this bullshit?”

“I'm busy”

“I was joking about speakerphone! Listen, I've just thought what we can do: Grace calls Stone to have a chat, then you and I chime in and ask where the others are and turn it into a group call like the other night. So technically you'll speak with Eddie, but not alone”

“I'm going out with Dave”

“So you can break the ice and the deadlock you're in. And the kiss, you can talk about it another time, maybe in person... Sorry, I didn't understand who you're going out with”

“Dave”

“Gahan?”

“Haha no, Grohl! We're going to a concert”

“You mean you're afraid the cat is dead so you just go and take another?”

“Hahaha but no!”

“Resurrecting a cat you had already buried? Really?”

“It's not what you think”

“Uh so you're not going out with your ex, while the guy who kissed you pines for you?”

“No, because it's not a date! And no one is pining...”

“At this point, why don't you call Jerry too? You could have dinner together tomorrow”

“Ok listen, I'm gonna have a shower now, if you wanna know the truth just wait for me and I'll tell you, if you don't well just keep on making fun of me, as you wish”

“Uhmm both things are tempting, I think I'll just stop talking to you to have them coexist so I can enjoy them both in my fucking quantum system” she jokes as I leave the room and flips her the bird.

“Fuck you, Meg”

****************************************************************************************************************************

It must be cool I think. Having your workplace right outside your home. It'd be my dream. Or maybe not. On one hand it'd be more practical, I'd never be late, well, almost never; but on the othe r hand I'd have the impression I'd never had a real break, my head would be on work even when I'm not working. You look outside your window or get out of home in the afternoon and there is the minimart sign, watching you, and you start thinking about the upcoming deliveries, the new displays to assemble and the technician to call for the fridge. God no! In this case the proximity turns out as something positive, since I simply cross the road and I'm already pressing my finger on the buzzer of the McDonald-Pacifico residence. My finger basically starts to atrophy on the fucking button because after a quarter of an hour nobody has answered yet. It was today, wasn't it? Maybe Meg left for a while. The lights are on though...

“No point ringing Grace, it's broken” I'm so focused on the fourth floor's windows that I don't notice Angie showing up on the doorway.

“Hey, welcome back... ex friend who ditches on us at the very last moment!” I mess her hair up and give her a quick hug.

“Thanks. Did Meg tell you?”

“Yeah, she anticipated you'd have ditched us tonight”

“Did she also tell you it's for a good cause?”

“Sure, unless I wouldn't even talk to you right now!”

“Did she tell you only this?” she asks, suddenly lowering her voice, who knows why.

Right in that moment a car horn honks twice behind our backs and we turned around simultaneously.

“I see, your date has arrived”

“That is, my companion in misfortune. Gotta go. Have a good time and easy with Meg's puryfying masks!” Angie rolls her eyes and smiles at me before walking away to the car, waiting for her on the opposite side of the road.

I enter from the glass door left open by Angie and take the elevator. I'm sorry she won't be with us tonight but I feel a lot of curious anectodes will come out and we'll still discuss them in the future with her too. In today's menu, Meg promised juicy updates about Angie and her but she didn't tell me anything in advance. We'll see! By the way, she asked me news about Stone and I but there's not that much to say. She keeps asking but, I mean, doesn't she realize we're not even in the same state right now? The flame is neither on or off, it's just on stand-by. I get out of the elevator and walk through the long hallway, kind of creepy because of a flickering lightbulb. I turn around the corner and basically find myself face to face to Meg, who's leaving the apartment with her purse in her hand.

“Don't tell me you're ditching me too and the evening is cancelled because in that case I won't talk to you and your heartbreaker roommate anymore”

“Hahaha no, I'm just going outside to wait for the pizza guy, because now the buzzer's broken too in this shitty building”

“Yeah, I met Angie who opened the door for me or I'd still be out in the cold”

“Come on, get in, he should be here in a minute, I'll be back soon. And prepare yourself psychologically cause I've got a lot of absurd stuff to tell you!”

“I can say we won't watch the movie” I smile as I enter the apartment, whereas Meg walks away, buttoning up her jacket.

“We won't need the movie, trust me!”

Salt lick by Tad is the first record of the evening I decide to put on, although the evening hasn't started yet, considering Meg's still outside waiting for the pizza guy. I look outside the window to see if someone's coming, but nothing for now. I sit on the couch and start playing with the beer cans that are on the coffee table, I line them up, first in rows of two, then of three until one is left out and I open it for me. I get up again and walk around the house to waste some time. Actually I don't just look around, I go straight to one point, the fridge in the kitchen, and start checking it for something new, which I immediately find. A magnet with a panda, an orca and a smiling sun with a hat, surrounded by palms and the writing SAN DIEGO. The magnet itself holds a retro-style postcard, showing a beach at sunset, a line of parked old cars, each one with a surfboard over the roof, and four silhouettes of surfers, two guys and two girls. I knew she'd have addes something to her collection. I'm examining the long shadows of the surfers on the postcard when I'm startled by the sudden ring of the phone. I wait a little before answering, after an inner debate, I'm not at my place after all... But what if it's important? What if it's the pizza place calling to say they're late?

“Hello?”

“Oh thank god! I thought I had to sit through a whole conversation with Meg and Angie about shit before I could finally talk to you” the voice on the other hand only makes me regret I didn't answer at the first ring.

“Hey Stone”

“Hi, love. What's up? Are you still sober? Do you already have nail polish on your feet?”

Great.

Couldn't he just be sarcastic? Why does he have to add things? Two sentences, two uncomfortable things. I'm already changing my mind, I'd have better not answer.

“Hehe no. I mean, yes, I'm sober and no, my toenails are... are just like before, everything's the same”

“Are you ok? You sound weird... Is Meg threatening you with eyebrow tweezers? If you can't speak don't risk it, tell me something in a secret code, something that would sound absolutely natural in a conversation with your boyfriend like They shot Tommy in the face so his mother couldn't give him an open coffin at the funeral...”

“Hehe no, it's alright, I'm just a little lost. Meg's not here anyway, she's outside waiting for the pizza delivery guy. Broken buzzer”

“Yeah, I guess this sounds even more natural. I'll call 911”

“What about you? Aren't you playing tonight?”

“Yeah, actually we're in the dressing room, that is also some kind of extension of the toilet”

“Or vice versa” I can barely hear it but the voice is unmistakable.

“Or vice versa, like Eddie says, we still didn't understand”

“Look! Here's Mike Patton's phone number!” Jeffrey chimes in too in this messy phone conversation.

“Sorry babe, I gotta hang up and call him immediately. It surely is his number, after all there's no more reliable source than a writing on the toilet wall in a club in Sacramento”

“Wasn't it the dressing room?” I chuckle and for a moment I think about asking him for that number too. Would he take it bad?

“I told you, we still haven't understood!”

“Faith No More played there, it can't be a bad place”

“Mr Bungle I think. Jokes aside, it's not bad, I think it's one of the coolest places we've been so far, although it's as big as your apartment”

“And it's packed!” Jeff shouts, probably swallowing the receiver.

“I have to agree with what the caveman said. It's full of people... who are here for Alice in Chains of course”

“How do you know? Don't put yourself down like that” I try and console him, although I know he doesn't need it.

“I'm not putting myself down, it's the truth. 99% they don't know us, we have to conquer them”

“So go and conquer them!” I encourage him and only after a while a realize that it might sound like I want to end the call now. But I don't want to. Really! I'm perfectly at ease in this conversation, when he doesn't remind me once every five minutes that he's my boyfriend.

“We'll do that, dear. What about pizza? Not arrived yet? And alcohol? Are you still sober?”

“Haha your friends will think I'm some kind of alcoholic! Anyway, no pizza. And now that I think about it, I'm so hungry!”

“Come on, resist. I couldn't eat anything right now, my stomach's in knots, you know it's always like that for me before I get on a stage”

“Hehe yeah, you told me. Don't be nervous”

“I'm not nervous, I'm realistic. I do my job but there are other four variables for the success of the show, you know what I mean”

“Hehe four variables in flesh and bones, who disturb you while you're calling me?”

“Exactly. But they left me alone now, they must have gone searching for the other guitarist since we're on in like half an hour”

“Talking about sobriety...”

“You get it. Anyway would it sound too sappy and inappropriate if I told you that I miss you and wish you were here with me?”

“Yes, totally inappropriate, Stone” I have the feeling I held my breath before answering. What if my silence was too long? Would he believe it was just a dramatic pause?

“Ok, I won't tell you then. Oops, one variable is coming back. Eddie's here, we must stop with our extreme phone sex for now, sorry babe”

“Fuck... Stone!” I hear Vedder mumble something that sounds like embarrassment, whereas Stone giggles in the receiver.

“I was clearly joking, do you think that if I had hardcore sex on the phone with my girlfriend I'd tell you?”

My girlfriend, yeah, let's say it again, maybe the people in the back didn't know already.

“Leave Eddie alone, don't make him uncomfortable!”

“What? Now?” Stone's speaking but clearly not to me “What do you have to tell her? Uh ok, wait! Sorry Grace, Eddie wants to talk to you a sec, I'll put him on”

“He wants to talk... to me?” I don't think I'm the object of his interest, but it's probably the absent girl of the night. As far as Meg told me, neither Angie's surprise visit or her change in style were enough to wake the handsome surfer up. And she's kinda avoiding him now. And I totally understand her, I mean, I know her and she'll surely act as if it's nothing because 'what, I don't like Eddie' and 'I went to San Diego to see the band' and shit like that. She was surely expecting something from this but he didn't do anything. She must be so sad. What if his ex girlfriend got in the way? That would be a heavy blow, even for the always (apparently) indifferent Angie.

“If he tries hardcore phone sex with you, tell me, ok?”

“Hahaha shut up and let me talk to him!”

“Have a good time, love”

“You too and... break a leg!” why does he always have to add something in the end?!

“Ehm hi Grace” Eddie's deep voice sounds a little higher than normal, it must be that he's uncomfortable. Or impatient? Surely he wants to know about Angie. And for like the 18th time he'll be told she's not here. And it serves him right! I mean, it's ok if you're shy and your head's full of doubts but here it's about keep a girl hanging, a girl who clearly has a crush on him. Because I wanna believe it's just doubts and he's not leading her on on purpose just to be a dick, because in that case he'd be a real piece of shit.

“Hi Eddie, how's it going? What's up?” now I'm gonna keep him on the phone for an hour asking him random questions, I wanna see how long it takes before he asks me about Angie.

“Oh, everything's fine, except for stage fright, but that's normal for me” aw no, it wouldn't be fair, turture him like that.

“Don't worry, you'll do great. I guess you wanna talk to Angie, right?” also because I've just had the greatest idea. The perfect system to punish him.

“Uhm well, yeah, actually... it looks like she's pretty impossible to find lately”

“And you keep on not finding her, she's not here tonight”

“Oh really? Great, hehe, I was expecting that...” he nervously answers and I'm almost sorry to do what I'm about to do. Almost.

“You're a little unlucky, Eddie”

“Yeah, I noticed that. Well, I'll try and call her at the diner. I didn't want to disturb her at work, but it looks like it's the only way to actually speak to her so...”

“Oh but she's not at Roxy's”

“Working the nightshift at Westlake's? On a Saturday?” Eddie sounds honestly confused and I feel like I'm playing like a cat and mouse.

“Hehe no, Eddie, she's not working. No justification for ditching us, that little bitch!”

“Oh! I see, and... ehm, where-”

“And ditching us for a guy!”

“What?” I think I caught the exact moment the jealousy switch snapped.

“You don't ever ditch friends, for any guy, don't you think?”

“What guy?”

“Uhm yeah, you know him! Her ex, sort of, the one who plays the drums...”

“Dave?” the sound of his voice as he pronounces that name scaries me: red alert!

“Yeah, from what I know, there're going to a concert”

“I see. Thank you, I'll get Stone for you, ok? Bye”

“Ok, by-... bye Ed?” as I reply a loud thud blows out my eardrum. I dope he didn't throw the receiver on Stone's head. Anyway, now we'll see. If this doesn't rock the boat then I don't know what to do with that guy!

“Excuse me, babe, what did you tell my singer exactly? He just stormed out like a fury...” he doesn't sound like someone who's just been hit by a phone, so I relax.

“Nothing, he wanted to talk to Angie but...”

“Let me guess: she's not there”

“Exactly”

“Ok, I couldn't care less but please, let him talk to her. I like it when he's aggressive on stage but he's starting to be intractable off stage too...”

“It's not our fault if they never find each other...” I innocently reply. I don't feel like sharing my evil intrigues with Stone, although I think he'd appreciate them.

“Whatever, who cares. Let's go back to us. You wanted to know what I'm wearing, right?”

“Haha no. And by the way, Meg's just arrived with pizza, I gotta go” my friend finally gets back home with two steamy hot pizza boxes and puts them on the coffee table, right in front of me.

“HI STONE!” she yells in my direction “Did I interrupt something?” she adds in a low voice.

After some more small talk the phone call ends, I hang up and silently look at Meg as she takes off her jacket and throws herself on the couch right next to me, opens the boxes and a beer can.

“What's up? Why do you have that smile plastered on your face? Does Stone have this effect on you?” she winks.

“Haha no, my friend. Stone's got nothing to do with it this time. I'm the one who had a certain effect. And not on him. On someone else”

“On who?”

“I think I set a good mechanism in motion, this time I have to compliment myself” I add patting myself on my shoulder.

“How many did you have already?” she asks suspiciously pointing at the beer I'm holding with my right hand.

“This is the first and only one! Anyway, let me explain to you why I'm a genius...”

**************************************************************************************************************************

“There she is! She's arrived!” Grace finally moves away from the windowsill and closes the window shut.

“It was about time, at least you'll stop letting the cold in. It's already freezing here...” I mumble as I rearrange the blanket over my shoulders.

“Technically, it's not the cold getting in but the heat going out, anyway...”

“You don't need to act like the Angie of the day, the original's here” I joke as I get up from the couch.

“Thank god, the waiting's killing me. I can't wait to solve this mess” Grace has been pacing the living room back and forth for a few hours, basically with no interruptions.

“Ok, come on, it's not your fault. I mean, not only. I could have been more specific and told you what happened between Eddie and Angie”

“What does it even mean? You didn't have to tell me anything, after all it's all Angie's business. It's me, I shouldn't have intruded. What have I done?”

“You had good intentions and did it for a good cause”

“Sure, making Eddie jealous to make him come clean about his feeling once and for all... Unfortunately he already did in San Diego and what did I do? I told him his girl was out with another guy!”

“And not just an average guy!” I know, I'm twisting a knife in her too, but I can't help making fun of Grace. She's so sweet in her feeling like shit.

“Her fucking ex! How long does it take to her to come upstairs?” the girl looks at the watch, as if she was timing our friend.

“You know she never takes the elevator, it depends on how much breath she's got left after the concert”

“And what if Eddie fucked another chick for revenge? What if he goes back to his ex?” Grace goes on desperately, while the noise of the key in the lock is the signal of Angie's arrival.

“Here she is, thank god. So we can just solve this thing and you can relax, I can't stand you anymore” I can barely end the sentence when Grace has already launched herself towards the doorway.

“ANGIE, I FUCKED UP!”

“Hello to you too, Grace... what did you do? Did Meg go too far with waxing?” Angie gives a more than perplexed look at the girl, who's basically cornered her and pushed her against the closed door.

“Haha no, none of that”

“I WISH, ANGIE, I WISH IT WAS SOMETHING LIKE THAT!” Grace yells at her face.

“Stone would liked that for sure” I joke as I come close to them.

“MEG, PLEASE, THIS IS NOT THE RIGHT MOMENT”

“May one ask what the hell's going on here? What did you smoke? And most of all, why didn't you wait for me?”

“Come here, Angie, I'm gonna tell you everything, Grace's not exactly sane and lucid right now” I put my arm around Angie's shoulders and automatically drag them both to the living room and to the couch.

“I fucked up and it's all my fault. But it can't go like this, I promise that if something bad happens I'll go talk to him” Grace takes Angie's hand and my roommate eyes her more and more suspiciously.

“Him... who?”

“Eddie, who else?” she reveals and Angie removes instantly her hand.

“Why? What happened with Eddie?”

“What happened is that-” I try and start a clear explanation but anxiety in person interrupts me.

“We'll tell you ok? But you need to keep calm. Whatever happens, we'll deal with it together, ok?”

“Ok... can I take off my coat first or...?”

“Oh yeah, sure! Sure, take it off, make yourself comfortable”

“Sure, Angie! Make yourself at home hehe” I can't help myself, I specifically try to release the tension.

“Meg, don't make fun of me, please, I'm already feeling like shit like this” Grace puts and Angie warily takes off her coat and her boots.

“Why do you feel like shit? Can you please tell me, what did you do? And what's Eddie got to do with it?”

“If you both keep calm and quiet for a minute, I'm gonna tell you”

“Is that all?” Angie shrugs after listening to the whole story.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN IS THAT ALL? CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND? HE THINKS YOU WENT OUT WITH DAVE!” Grace is surprised by Angie's indifference. Of course she had to act like she doesn't care.

“Well, that's the truth, isn't it?”

“But you didn't... go out in the true sense of the word” Grace retorts.

“Don't play dumb, Angie. He must have thought it was a date” I scold her.

“A real date” Grace adds.

“A full blown date”

“It's not that he must have thought... it's that I told him. Well, I suggested it, but I basically told him”

“So what?” Angie's shrugs are almost more irritating than Grace's guilty conscience.

“So what?? He must be angry!” I blurt out trying to have a reaction from her.

“You should have heard him, it seemed like he turned into ice all of a sudden. He scared me” Grace nods, whereas Angie shakes her head no.

“Please, like he cares...”

“Angie, you don't need to act, I told her about the kiss” I explain as I point at Grace, who keeps nodding yes with no reason.

“I supposed so. Anyway, as I already said, I don't think it's gonna upset him that much” Angie gets up with the coat in her hand, grabs the boots with her other hand and leaves the living room just like that.

“Suuure... he just looked like someone who's ready to kill the first human being passing by!” Grace temporarily borrows Stone's sarcasm uniform to react to Angie's fake indifference “What is she doing now? Is she leaving?” she later asks me.

“Let her put her pjs on, than we'll tease her some more”

When Angie shows up again later, walking through the living room to go to the kitchen, she finds us here, exactly where she left us: I'm on one couch and Grace on the other one, staring at her in disbelief.

“What's wrong?” she asks annoyed, with a glass of water in her hand, ready to put it on her nightstand for the night.

“You gotta call Eddie” Grace says before me.

“Why?”

“Because you have to tell him the truth” I speak first this time.

“You already did, didn't you? I mean, you spared me a long story, thank you Grace” Angie mimics a toast towards our friend.

“Shut up! You can't make me feel guilty forever for this, now you call him and tell him the truth” I kinda like Grace's aggressive passivity (or passive aggressiveness?).

“And you tell him the rest too” I add, just to make things clear.

“The rest? Which rest?”

“Well, for example, you could tell him what you feel for him and what did you feel when he kissed, using the same word you told me”

“You're crazy”

“Uh! I wanna hear the words too!” Grace gives up her desperate persona for a second and gets into gossip mode.

“Ok, just tell him what's going on with Dave and that the kiss was great, but you're in a difficult moment now and don't know what you want and you have to think about it”

“I don't have to think about shit”

“Just tell him you miss him!” Grace suggests again.

“I don't miss him”

“Angie, for fuck's sake!” I get up yelling so loud that I almost scare myself “I don't give a shit about what you'll tell him, tell him anything you want, but call him. Just call him so you can put an end to this mess”

“Ok... ok... I'll call him now! You don't need to all emotional...” Angie finally gives in, puts the glass on the coffee table and takes the phone right next to it.

“Oh finally!” Grace claps and winks at me.

“And put it on speakerphone”

“I don't need speakerphone if I leave him a message” Angie retorts as she quickly dials the number by heart.

“Hahaha yeaaaaaah, sure!” I steal the phone from my very clever roommate.

“What's wrong?”

“On the phone table at the entrance you can find Eddie's hotel phone number, you gotta call him there, so you can actively talk to him” I explain better, since she's playing dumb.

“And put it on speakerphone!” Grace can't wait for the call to happen and is sitting on the edge of the couch.

“They had a show tonight, do you think he's in his hotel room at this time?” she asks looking at us alternatively as if we were stupid.

“Sure” I calmly reply.

“Alone in his room, suffering for you” Grace adds.

“Punching the wall”

“And he hung a picture of Dave on said wall”

“And getting drunk to forget you”

“Alone and drunk with sore knuckles”

“Ok ok, I got the idea!” Angie flails her arms and walks towards the hallway, then comes back with the infamous notepad.

“Come on, call him!” Grace tells her.

“In a minute... but without speakerphone”

“But with speakerphone!” I'm sorry, it's a deal-breaker, babe.

“Umph...” Angie puffs loudly and dials the number, staring at the phone longer than she should before pressing the dial button “I guess he's not in his room anywa-... Ehm ehm, hello? Eddie? Yeah, hi, it's me” Angie's eyes are purely terrified, Grace's ones are heartshaped. Mine, instead, are fixed on the phone resting against Angie's ear and spot the speakerphone button, so that I can promptly press it as she speaks.

**********************************************************************************************************************************************

Didn't she say no fucking musicians anymore? Well, I'm a musician too, but that's different! And there must be some kind of justice, if it's no to me it's no to him too, what the fuck. Anyway she said they were just friends to behave, what to tell me. But it was much simpler than that. She just didn't care. But, you know, it's ok. Feelings are not necessarily reciprocated. I mean, somebody, a writer, I can't remember the name, used to say that the only true love is the unrequited one. Bummer. By the way, I can accept being ignored and dumped, but you can't kiss me and then don't give a fuck about me and go out with another guy without telling me. I mean, you can, you know, you can do whatever you want, you don't owe me anything, you never promised me anything and, even if you did, you'd have the right to change your mind and tell me to go fuck myself as you want. You can, but I can't help feeling disappointed. Bullshit. I'm fucking mad and if I had my hands on Dave right now I'd fucking punch him. I mean, I'd fucking punch anyone. That's why I decided to take a cab back to the hotel right after the concert. The show wasn't bad, anger's always a good stage fuel. We were great and the more or less thirty people who actually gave a shit about our set too, enjoyed a show they won't easily forget. How easily will I forget her? And her lips? And the delicious way she kisses? And the small twitches of her closed eyelids I spyed on while we were kissing? And how she held me tight? God, can't you hear yourself?! Wake up! She didn't call you back and went out with someone else, isn't it enough to understand you have to take your mind off her?

The croaky phone ring startles me. It must be Jeff who wants to know if I got here safe. I sit on the bed and pick up the receiver.

“Hello”

“Hello?” she says after nervously clearing her throat.

She.

Damn.

“Angie, it's you”

“Eddie? Yeah, it's me” I know it's you, it wasn't a fucking question.

“I can't believe it, you do exist then? I was starting to think you were an abstact entity”

“Hehe yeah, sorry, it's just I was kinda busy, with work and the rest”

“Yeah, I've been told about your schedule” I coldly reply, I mean, I try and seem cold, but I most likely just seem enbittered.

“You know, whenever I could call you I thought it wasn't the right moment and whenever the right moment came, I never had the time or was too tired. I'm inexcusable”

“Never mind” are you calling me now only to tell me you have a new boyfriend? Yeah, that must be the reason. Grace must have told her about our conversation and now she felt like she had to explain . But there's nothing to explain, everything seems pretty clear to me.

“I'm sorry”

“I said never mind!” I repeat, maybe too vehemently, since Angie keeps silent for long seconds.

“Grace told me you had called tonight too and I thought what the hell and just went for it and called you, I mean it's now or never at this point. I tried and I didn't think I'd find you in your hotel room by now”

“And you're busy now too, I see”

“W-why?”

“The speakerphone...”

“Ah! No, it's just... I'm tidying up my room and getting ready for bed. How... how arre things going? How did the concert go?” in a different situation, the image of her in a bed would have had a totally different effect on me.

“Good”

“Good as in you're good or the show was good?”

“Both” I'm feeling great.

“Good!”

“Good, yeah”

More silence.

“Is it... is it maybe a bad moment?”

“No, why?” it's a wonderful moment, best moment of my life.

“I don't know... you don't talk much”

“Did you just find out? Looks like you've been kinda distracted lately” and why should you have paid attention anyway if you're not interested in me?

“No, I wasn't. Anyway it's not the number of spoken words but more the way you speak them” ok, she really wants to hear me say that I'm jealous and she broke my heart. Can't we just ignore it, like she's been doing for almost three days?

“Why? Which way is it?”

“I don't know... weird... maybe you're tired”

“Yeah, it can be, concerts can be exhausting, once the adrenaline drops you kinda collapse too” but my adrenaline is still at the highest, I could go literally walk back to Sacramento and then get back here and I'd still be pumped up. I could walk up to Seattle and kick him in the ass.

“Hehe you're right. And it's not that different from watching a show from the audience. I was at a concert tonight and I'm basically dead” ok, she's starting to shift the conversation to slowly get to the point.

“Uh you've been to a concert?” I decide to play along, I mean, let's just rip the band-aid right off, right? The sooner she tells me what she wants to say, the sooner this stupid phone call will end. I missed her voice though...

“Yeah, I had such a good time but I'll keep it in mind next time someone suggests moshing” and it's not her fault if she doesn't like me anyway. But I can't help getting angry if I think about her in the mosh pit together with that jerk.

“What band did you see?” better focus on something else.

“A whole female band, they're great! And they're from San Diego, sure you know them. They're called L7”

“Sure I do know them, they're old friends! My old band opened for them more than once too” I am in California and they're in Seattle, ironic.

“I know, the bass player told me”

“Did you meet Jennifer? Wait, you getting to know a band? You must have been in a very good mood tonight” talking about old friends doesn't make me forget she's with another man now.

“Well, I can tell you I was basically forced to do that, that was the reason why I went”

“Forced?”

“Yeah, Dave came to the diner to beg me on his knees” and you tell me? As if that silly serenade scene I witnessed wasn't enough...

“And you couldn't say no to him, I guess...”

“He trapped me! Actually, he and Jennifer are basically dating, although not officially, I mean, they went out together a few times. She's busy with her band and isn't calling him and he doesn't want to push, but at the same time wants to see her more. When he learned they'd have played at the Off Ramp he thought he had to go but didn't want to go alone and look creepy or pushy, at least that's what he thought. And he couldn't stand the idea of being ignored, he had no idea what she was thinking and she might as well not give a shit about it the whole night. So, in the end he asked a few people to go with him not to draw attention” Angie talks non-stop and I'm not understanding shit, oh well, I understood what I needed to, but I'm almost afraid to ask for further explanation.

“Dave and Jennifer?”

“Yeah, they're seeing each other. And I think they're a cute couple”

“And he went to see the show with a few people and you were one of these...”

“Well, actually Kurt ditched him 'cause he had to meet with a girl. No idea what kind of girl can stand such an unbearable guy, but... whatever. Krist is out of town. You know, Dave doesn't know many people here yet, he only had his roommate and I left. I took Brian from the diner with me too. If only I had known the asshole gets into the mosh pit keeping his elbows high, I wouldn't have invited him!”

“You were not alone then?”

“No, luckily Brian went to elbow the wrong guy and learned a lesson”

“No, I mean you and Dave... I thought... fuck, I feel like an idiot, I'm sorry” because I am, I'm an idiot, an asshole.

“Dave and I?”

“I thought you were going out with him. I thought you were with him. Again” I find myself standing beside the bed.

“Hahaha what? No!”

“But Grace said that-”

“Grace drew the wrong conclusion. Or maybe you misunderstood”

“Yeah, it was me, I misunderstood, I didn't understand shit. I never understand shit, especially when it's about you, Angie” am I still angry? Am I happy? Am I confused? I don't even know.

“What... what do you mean?”

“I mean... you know, you didn't call me after... and then Grace tells me you went out with... that... I thought you didn't want to know about it”

“About what?”

“About me” who else?

“Hahaha and why?” why is it so difficult to talk to this girl?

“I don't know... maybe because of what happened that morning, before you left...”

“Eddie... don't worry. Nothing happened, ok?”

Nothing? Why nothing? The fuck are you talking about? I'd better sit back down on the bed.

“Well, I wouldn't call it nothing...”

“Ok, let's pretend it never happened then”

Are you fucking kidding me?

“It doesn't seem doable to me, Angie”

“Well, it did happen then, but can't we just forget it?” she goes on nervously but trying to sound determined.

“Can you forget it? I can't think about anything else since you left” I confess and I hear a strange noise from the receiver right after that, like a moan, a choked meow.

“I don't... I don't know, Eddie”

“I know I made a mistake, I'll never forgive myself for that”

“That's not bad, you're making it worse and bigger than it actually is! As I said, nothing happened to me”

“The other morning, at the bus station, I shouldn't have kissed you”

“Exactly”

“I should have kissed you way before”

“Eddie, don't... what?”

“In three days, I could have kissed you a thousand time and I didn't because I'm a wimp. And even before that, I had like a million occasions to do that. I should have kissed you on the Space Needle, with that badass view. Or on Pike Place's roof terrace. Or while you were trying on that red hat at the mirror and weren't looking at me and you were so beautiful. Or on Cam's porch at new year's eve, while you were telling me about Schopenhauer, hedgehogs and Woodstock and you smelled like oranges and I'd have listened to you for hours”

“Also because you were high” she remarks and if she really thinks she can lighten the mood and break my speech she's fucking wrong.

“No, at that point, not yet. Anyway I could as well give you a kiss together with chocolate the night you came to the minimart in your pjs to buy pads and you were ashamed. Or when you found me alone at the gallery and you brought me food, whereas I'd have loved for you to feed me with kisses. Not to mention when I crashed at your place and slept with you and woke up in your fucking arms and instead of waking you up with a kiss, as you do with a princess, I grabbed your shoulder and shook it a little. What a jerk!”

“Eddie I... maybe we shouldn't discuss this on the phone, I mean...”

“I know, I know, that's why I'm saying I made a mistake. Because if I had kissed you before, we'd have had time to talk about it. Yet now we have to wait until I'm back in Seattle and I can't because I'd do it now. I'd want you here, now. Even without talking”

“I... I don't know what to say, Eddie”

“Don't say anything, I told you it's ok even without talking, right?”

“Hehe what do we do? We just shut up on the phone?”

“Yes. You know I'm a man of few words”

“I  know that well”

And that I want to shut up on the phone only with you and no one else? Do you know that too?

[kyojuuros]

Zeke, Eren, Hanji :D

I’m gonna throw these under a cut since there are three of them! haha

Zeke-

Why I like them: 420 stoner older brother meme daddy who just wants a damn pony. Okay but seriously, I love that he’s a very complex and sympathetic antagonist. His backstory really tugged at my heart and I can’t help but feel badly for him despite everything that he’s done. All the while, he continues to be a giant dork, always burning himself on something or trying to make heavy situations seem lighter. I enjoyed the mystery he was shrouded in for much of the story, and I was happy to find that he actually wasn’t some infallible 4D chess master genius all along, that his goal is rather simple and born from a place of hurt. He’s very interesting, and I can’t wait to see how his story ends. 

Why I don’t: Despite being best meme boi, he has done some pretty awful and unforgivable things to characters who absolutely didn’t deserve it. He is sympathetic and I still have some hope left for him, but his treatment of the Eldian people, the notion that he doesn’t wholly view them as humans worthy of dignity, but rather poor creatures who need to be pitied and whose fates he’s decided on his own, is something quite terrifying and unsettling. Even if he has redemption in the end, it’s good if the narrative doesn’t actually forgive his crimes entirely. 

Favorite episode (scene if movie): Chapter 114, absolutely. Seeing what makes him tick and how he was raised broke me. 

Favorite season/movie: The final arc is currently the one I’m finding I enjoy him in the most. 

Favorite line: “I will inherit the beast titan. Not for Marley’s sake. I’ll successfully retake the founder, steal the Founding Titan from Marley, and save the world. I’ll free the people of the world from the fear of the titans, and free Eldians from their suffering.” (Chapter 114)

Favorite outfit: I actually like the comfortable hoodie look he had going on in chapter 77. But also I can never complain about his shirtless scenes, so… 

OTP: I actually don’t feel strongly (in a serious) way about any Zeke ships, so probably nothing?

Brotp: Zeke/Yelena, Zeke/Pieck, Zeke/Reiner… the latter two in a more ideal world. And of course Jaegerbros, in a more ideal world haha

Head Canon: He was probably shocked to find out that he had a brother on Paradis, and he was probably very nervous about seeing him for the first time. When he did finally see him, he probably projected an immediate connection and desire to help Eren “see the light” so to speak. 

Unpopular opinion: I love his character and have always found him enjoyably fascinating. 

A wish: I hope that Zeke is able to atone for the lives he’s taken by the end of the story. Self sacrifice seems to be the most fitting way to do it, but ultimately I hope that he can see and understand why his goal is heavily misguided and harmful, and that neither he nor the people of Eldia’s lives were ever meaningless. I hope that of all people, it is Eren who makes him understand.

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: I don’t want him to die believing that he never had any worth or meaning in the world. I don’t want it to turn out that Eren never felt anything toward him as a brother or a fellow suffering Eldian.

5 words to best describe them: Tragic, dorky, manipulative, misguided, sympathetic.

My nickname for them: Beast daddy B)

Eren-

Why I like them: I think we’d be here all day if I named every little thing. But Eren has always been a character who I’ve loved since the first time I saw him. He was always a perceptive character with a bigger understanding of the circumstances he lived in than the people around him. His insuppressible desire to be free has always resonated with me and his blatant dislike for complacency in the world is extremely easy for me to relate to. He’s passionate about the things he fights for and the people that he loves, and his will to fight is admirable and inspiring. Through his highs and lows I’ve always felt I could understand him well (rip me @ 112) and even through his mistakes and poor judgement calls I’ll always find myself in his corner holding out hope and faith that he will be in the right place in the end. He’s always inspired me and I hope that he will always do so.

Why I don’t: I’m just begging Isayama for his POV at this point because not knowing what’s going through his head has been the most depressing and painful experience I’ve had to go through since I became a slave to this series almost 6 years ago. 

Favorite episode (scene if movie): I’m… supposed to choose just one? I guess if I have to pick one, I still love him in episode 13/chapter 14 the best. His speech in that scene is still my favorite quote from him in the entire series and it always gives me chills and makes me tear up. The imagery of him pushing forward with the weight of everything pressing down on him is so powerful and still so relevant. And he pushes and pushes through until he’s finally able to lift that weight and use it to solve the immediate problem. I hope that the final resolution touches my heart in the same ways. 

Favorite season/movie: It’s not animated, but I absolutely love Eren in the latter half of the Marley arc. To see him grow and learn to understand the greyness of the world, to talk about the realities of the effects of war to Falco, to see him extend an understanding to Reiner, to see how much more competent he’s gotten with his powers, to see him take a seemingly dark turn, it was such a cool thing to experience for the first time. I’m hopeful that with all the answers, I’ll find his development in that arc all the more fascinating and understandable. 

Favorite line: “When we’re born, all of us are free. People who reject that, no matter how strong they are, don’t matter. The burning water, the land of ice… anything will do. Anyone who saw those things would be the freest person in the world. Fight!! Who’d value their life over something like that? It doesn’t matter how terrifying the world is. It doesn’t matter how cruel the world is. Fight! Fight!! FIGHT!!” (Chapter 14)

Favorite outfit: I’m weak for his black hoodie/black pants combo. Absolutely and totally weak for it. Shirt, no shirt, idc. Black hoodie and pants. Yes. Very, very yes. 

OTP: ereri, eremika, erehisu, ereani

Brotp: erejean, eremin, jaegerbros, erecon

Head Canon: I still have this idea in my head that he cleaned himself up in 106 as a result of Levi telling him he looked like shit. I also like to think (at least, I hope) that he feels very bad for Zeke. He still loves his friends more than anything. He probably saw some of himself in Falco. If him and Gabi met under different circumstances they would adore each other.

Unpopular opinion: Eren’s so polarizing I have no idea what the unpopular opinions are anymore. lol But in any case, I still love and support him and believe in the best of him. 

A wish: That he will be the one to truly save the Eldian people and help them move forward, just as his titan allegedly is meant to do. That he will be able to reconcile with his friends and repair his relationship with them. They he will find peace by the end of the story (and even taking it a step further, that he will actually get to live out his life to an old age if the curse can be lifted). 

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: That he dies with his loved ones forever resenting him. That it turns out he actually does agree with Zeke’s plan and thinks Eldia’s only hope is its own demise. That he dies by the story’s end (let me dream ok). 

5 words to best describe them: Passionate, hotheaded, determined, compassionate, inspiring. 

My nickname for them: Best Boi, Hobo Boi, Love of My Life, My Sunshine, Moon and Stars, Edgelord, Bae, Ereh, Precious bby (honestly I could go on forever I love him so much it hurts).

Hange-

Why I like them: She’s super smart and good at coming up with strategies on the spot and creates amazing weapons for the Survey Corps to use. Super passionate about her field of work and super compassionate to the suffering of others. She never gives up no matter how defeated she might feel. She has some very funny moments in the manga, and I love the scenes where she Gets Serious™ and takes no shit.

Why I don’t: I personally don’t connect with Hange as a character very well so I can sometimes struggle to relate to her or enjoy her antics. That being said, I see and appreciate what she brings to the story and I hope to see her really come into her own as a commander soon. 

Favorite episode (scene if movie): I love her moment when she talks down Mikasa during the serumbowl and I still find it one of the most touching parts of that chapter. Like, Hange just gets it and for the first time someone is truly there to talk Mikasa through her suffering and console her in a way that helps her to accept the tragedy that is befalling her and it’s something I feel is so important to her character growth. Hange delivering that speech also had such good thematic importance about learning how to let go of the people you love and keep moving forward without them, no matter how much it might hurt to do so. Ugh I’m gonna die when it’s animated. Romi Park is gonna nail it.

Favorite season/movie: Hange shines the best during the Uprising arc and she’s always a delight to watch throughout. 

Favorite line: “I have people I wish I could bring back too. Hundreds of them. Ever since I joined the Survey Corps, every day has brought a new farewell. But you understand, don’t you? Everyone you meet will be parted from you one day. I know it’s difficult to accept. It’s hard to stay sane, living like that. It’s painful. So painful. I know that. But even so… We need to move forward…” (Chapter 84)

Favorite outfit: idk what it is but I actually love Hange in the classic Survey Corps uniform the best.

OTP: mobuhan, eruhan

Brotp: levihan, mikehan, aruhan

Head Canon: I think that despite saying she’s lost all trust in Eren, she still wants to have faith in him and hope in him, which is why she’s trying to be understanding of the Yeagerists’ position. But she cannot support what they’re doing and so it’s something she’s very much struggling with. 

Unpopular opinion: There are some times where Hange’s excitable antics annoy me a bit rather than make me laugh. 

A wish: I want to see her come into her own as a commander and really show what she’s worth. She can’t be the same as Erwin, but I want her to show the readers and the characters her worth, and see and understand what it is that Erwin saw in her that he thought would make her a good commander in the first place. She’s been shrouded in self doubt from the beginning. I want to see her gain the confidence she needs to come to the correct answer. 

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: I really hope that Floch/the Yeagerists don’t end up hurting her because she won’t give them the info they want. And I also don’t want to see her succumb to “filling the role” that she dethroned Sannes from (although I doubt the latter happens, she doesn’t want that to happen). 

5 words to best describe them: Intelligent, passionate, visionary, creative, insecure.

My nickname for them: Hanjo

[stagjmes]

❛  if there’s one thing the gods love, it’s tragedy. with wings that burn and boys that fall. ❜

—wait a second, is that HIM, the PUREBLOOD sorted into GRYFFINDOR house? their name is JAMES POTTER but they share a startling likeness with AUBREY JOSEPH. in their SEVENTH YEAR, they’re known as the SHEPHERD, probably because they are CHARMING but DEPENDENT. i wonder what side they’ll end up on at the end.

james henry potter ( named for two his two grandfathers, maternal and paternal respectively ) was born on april 4th, 1960 to two of the most loving parents a child could have.

fleamont and euphemia had been trying for a child for years. they’d been together for basically all of time, having been that typical good-looking, well liked couple in hogwarts that everyone always just assumes will get married ( spoiler alert: they did ), however had had to postpone kids due to fleamont’s brief stint as a professional quidditch player for eight years following their graduation. after that, they would try every month for a child, and after many years of disappointment, eventually gave up. it was during this time that fleamont developed the sleekeazy hair potion which only added to their immense wealth. 

finally at age forty-one, they were surprised with the arrival of james. obviously, they saw him as their miracle child, and as such he was pampered and completely spoiled from the moment he was born.

i cannot stress enough how much this spoiled upbringing shaped james into the person he is today. if you’re wondering why he was ever an arrogant prick, it’s because he was always used to getting absolutely everything he ever wanted. he grew up with money, he grew up with fame and with every bit of attention he could garner, and so it was really no wonder he was a bit of an asshole by the time he started at hogwarts.

obviously, james had a pretty cushy childhood, and as such, shit didn’t start getting real until he started at hogwarts.

it took all of three seconds for the hat to sort him into gryffindor, and i guess you could say he pretty much considered himself to be the gem of the house. he was the absolute epitome of a gryffindor, basically considered him the poster boy and all but expected everyone to love him.

really did not help his ego that everyone did

in typical sterotype-gryffindor fashion, james hated slytherin. he had always been taught growing up that purists were basically the root of all evil, and his father had had no qualms in lumping all these people in with the house of the snakes. james and his friends took a particular disliking to severus snape almost immediately for the poncy way in which he seemed to believe he was superior to all for his intelligence and his house status, and this dislike only grew when lily evans was tossed into the mix, too.

for basically the first four or five years of hogwarts, james really was that stereotypical arrogant asshole that he’s often made out to be. he always got everything he asked for, he was incredibly popular and incredibly intelligent, he had the most amazing friends and his eyes on the most amazing girl. he was set!! shit was good!!

shit was not good, though. definitely was not. 

despite having known of remus’ furry little problem since second year, things didn’t really start to settle in james how awful it was until third or fourth year. he hated seeing his friend in pain, he hated that he couldn’t help, and so he rallied the boys to put into action their worst plan yet!!!!

becoming animagi!!!!

it took fucking forever, obviously, but by the end of fourth year they did it!! we stan icons

except then in fifth year shit hit the fan again in just, like… so many ways

first, it was the whole severus ‘mudblood’ situation. honestly, james was absolutely furious. he’d always hated snape but this just made everything 1000 times worse. even if it had happened to anyone else, he would have been fuming. but for it to have happened to lily like… yikes.

this was also a horrible time for james though because lily rejected him for the thousandth time. like, look, what a yikes thing to think when she was just called a mudblood, but frankly he was sick of being rejected and he was sick of being the asshole who kept pressuring her so that was the breaking point — he gave up on her. 

and tbh, he changed a lot from here on out. grew up!! became a better person bc he saw how horrible snap was and decided he was sick of horrible people!! saw, recognised and acknowledged that just bc he was hot and intelligent and rich he wasn’t always going to get everything he wanted ( see: miss evans ) and just generally learned that oh shit the world doesn’t revolve around him!!!

oh and then there was that whole thing with sirius and snape and Remus the Werewolf and ohhhh boyyyy…. that infuriated him.

he loves his bros so much and y’all know he would die for them, but to see his friend abuse remus’ pain and suffering for his own gain was heart wrenching. it just pushed him further to pull him in line, to realise that not everything was about games, or petty rivalry, or ‘ getting the girl ’ — life  heartache and mistakes and it was never going to go the way he wanted it to.

now look, this isn’t all to say that james is now a Super Strict, Super Intense, Brooding Weirdo. he’s still a bit of a child, and he’s still a bit of an arrogant prick, but ultimately what wins out is his morals — every time. he wants to lead the world to a better place, without war and without hate, he wants everyone to have the same opportunities he had as a kid and he wants nothing more than for blood purity to be eradicated.

get that shit outta my house!!! gross!!!!!!

now in his final year, james is always flipping between taking his role as head boy deadly serious and turning it into one big game of mischief. he’s still a marauder at heart, after all, and has definitely abused his power sometimes for the benefit of fun and games, but when it comes down to it, he can be very strict and lowkey paternal. the leader really just…. popped right outta him, it came to play and it came hard, and really you’d think he’s minister for magic with how serious he treats it sometimes.

I hate him

he’s a lot less intense with his hatred for slytherin’s. he has come to recognise that not everyone from that lifestyle is going to be the same, not everyone who grew up a certain way or was sorted into a certain house is going to think with a deadly mind, and while he’s still a bit wary, he’s a lot more relaxed about it, especially as head boy ( gotta at least pretend shit’s fair !!! )

ok i’m so tired this is abt to turn into a rambling mess

uHhhHHh he’s very dependent as in like… boi cannot go a week without his friends. he is used to having people to bounce off, that’s always the type of leader he has been, and as much as he would probably be amazing at anything on his own, he’s never really tried. too scared!! i hate him!!!!!

super unforgiving. like, if you have gotten on his bad side…. i’m sorry. it is going to be very difficult to return from there. his moral compass is pretty black and white, you’re either good or your bad, and if you’ve done something he considers bad wELL sucks to be you, i guess. sorry not sorry.

takes his quidditch very seriously tbh. so many people have told him he needs to be a pro like his dad, but he’s like haha fuck you i know what i wanna do ( hint hint: he wants to rule that goddamn auror office, make that shit far more efficient then he thinks it is now ). but srsly, he’s so intense abt the game and it really like… idk gets him in the zone, keeps him level-headed in amongst all this chaos.

i don’t know what im saying anymore pls send help

uhhhhh he’s smart. i guess. straight a’s and shit idk. just very naturally intelligent, finds everything he does easy, like.. really is that asshole who is just good at everything he does.

i’ve run out of things to say, pls just love him

[ichixmocha]

apathy

word count: 1310

pairing: James Talloran/Draven Kondraki

source material: SCP Foundation

warnings: mild smut (its not a smutfic tho, very brief, just angst), self-harm

James forgot how to feel

“I am James Talloran, age ■■,” James was vacantly staring into the bathroom mirror. “I am James Talloran.” He repeated to himself again, and again.

Every morning for the past few months he has been doing this. Wake up at 5 am. Reaffirm your status as a real human being. Check for anything out of the ordinary marked the night before. It helped James keep his mind straight with the everlasting doubt and confusion of your world shattering behind you for 2 million years. 

Paranoia was just another regular emotion for him now.

He felt wrong. His body felt displaced. Draven said he seemed better than before, James thought otherwise.

I’m James Talloran, Draven Kondraki’s boyfriend, James recited his usual script. I disappeared for months and he still waited for me for what felt like a lifetime, I would’ve thought he moved on. I don’t really remember what happened, haha! I was happy he waited.

The last part was always dry. He had no sense of happy anymore. Sometimes he spent nights staring at the roof unwillingly, Why can’t I feel fulfilled? Do I love him still?

He heard the alarm clock go off realizing it was 7 am and time for Draven to wake up. 

James walked back into their bedroom and just stood at the edge of the room, waiting patiently for Draven to stir. He never did, he slept way too heavily to be woken up by such a soft alarm.

“Babe.. Babe. Time to get up.” James whispered at Draven, gently prodding him to rouse him from his sleep, “Babe. Draven. It’s 7 am.” He enjoyed doing this, to say the least, he thought his boyfriends bedhead was the cutest thing ever. 

And the way he rustled himself out of bed like a sloth was endearingly dopey.

The rest of the day was uneventful. 

Or maybe it was and James just didn’t know. 

Or care. Or feel. 

He felt almost like a husk with a brain, just propelling himself along.

Did you hear about that breach at Site-■■, about 8 fatalities.

Is that so? Disappointing.

Yeah! Haha, that’s really how the cookie crumbles in this line of work though.

James didn’t care. 8 people dead? There's 7 billion more to replace them. The Foundation didn’t care as much either. 

D-class personnel existing is proof enough.

James was thankful his lack of emotional response to these types of things were commonplace in the Foundation, where your friends die in strange ways, and relationships are ruined because someone caught a virus that turns them into an entirely new person made of gears and metal parts. 

Or so he’s heard.

James ran on autopilot for the next 8 hours.

“Hey. Wake up. What do you want for dinner?” Draven prodded at James with a fork, “I’m cooking soon so you better hurry up and answer or I’ll choose.”

“Whatever’s good.” James snapped back into reality, “Is it already 6..?” He realized he spent the whole day wallowing in non-existence. Not unusual, but not very pleasant. “Sorry.”

“What’re you apologizing for? You didn’t do anything wrong.” Draven questioned him, “At least.. I don’t think so” Draven leaned in to kiss him and got a flick to the forehead. “Hey!”

“I’m apologizing for being lazy and napping. Go make dinner you sappy shit.” James spoke at a steady tone, “Oh and also, I love you.”

“Love you too, bun!” Draven spun around on his heel and walked back into the kitchen.

James watched as his boyfriend turned the corner and once he was out of sight he just buried his face in his hands and went back to sleep.

The time was 10 pm, the lights were off, and the air was heavy.

Draven was on top of James, sliding his fingers out of the bottoms ass. 

He glanced down at James and smiled. “Fuck, you are so cute like this.” 

It’s only natural I’d be turned on by sex. James found it hard to take Draven seriously when he was knuckle deep in James’ ass.

“S-same to.. Gh.. you,” James moaned. Fuck. This isn’t fair. He deserves someone who is actually emotionally there. I’m not that.

“Fuck.. F-” James choked on his own words as he came, way too early at that. “Hh-hng.. Sorry. Sorry.” He began to cry. “I’m sorry.”

“Haha,” Draven felt a bit of pride in himself for making his boyfriend cum so quickly, “I didn’t realize I was t- wait what? Are you okay? Do you…” 

That pride dissipated as quickly as it came once he realized his boyfriend was crying.

“D-did I hurt you?? Are you okay? D-do you need.. Uh..” Draven trailed off, irritated with himself and upset for his partner. “Fuck. How did I..”

Why is he apologizing? He didn’t do anything wrong, it’s all my fault.

“James.. I..” Draven grabbed his partners hand tight, “I’m here. It’s okay. What’s wrong. Please tell me.” He leaned in closer. “Please?”

“I. I don’t.. Draven, I can’t feel anything anymore.” James regained his composure enough to speak a bit more, “A-and.. I don’t know how to feel about.. You.. or anything..” James felt sick. The guilt was overwhelming. He just told his boyfriend, who he cares about more than anything in the world, he doesn’t know if he loves him anymore.

“J-James.. I.. how long have you been feeling like this..?” Draven was shaken.

“...months now..? I-I don’t really remember.. I just woke up one day and everything just felt.. Grey.. and displaced.” James averted his gaze from his partners. “A-and.. Uh.. I’ve been.. Trying to like, fuck, I don’t know, cope with it? Fix it? B-but.. It’s just all too much for me.” He sighed and buried his face in his hands.

James wanted to crawl into a hole and have this be over with. Wake up one day and everything is just A-Ok! 

But he knew that wasn’t possible. And he didn’t want to go any farther with harming himself, the cuts on his legs were too fresh. He was just begging to feel something.

When Draven first saw James’ scars it shocked him. He wasn’t sure how he didn’t notice beforehand because they definitely weren’t fresh. 

He felt disgustingly guilty for letting his boyfriend do that to himself. But, he felt even worse for letting his boyfriend suffer enough that he had to do it to himself, in secret.

Draven began to cry and grabbed his boyfriends hand and held it tight. “Y-you know.. My Dad always said love was a commitment, not a feeling. Love can feel fleeting at times.. B-but.. The commitment to keep a relationship going despite feelings of insecurity.. Fuck.. I don’t know what I’m saying.”

 Draven squeezed his boyfriends hand tighter and let out a whimper. “I’m sorry for not noticing sooner.. Or even, like, asking sooner.. I know how tough things are but you are strong.. Or so I thought. No one is infallible. I was dumb to think so.”

“Draven….” James grabbed his boyfriends hand back. “DRAVEN!” James began to sob harder. “I- *sniff* I don’t want to lose you! I fucking love you.. More than anything in the world.” He wiped the snot from his face, eyes still red, puffy, and full of tears, and glanced up at his crying boyfriend. “So please, stay with me?”

Draven took a moment to compose himself. “Always. I’ll always be right with you. I promise.” 

Draven reached over to the nightstand and grabbed some tissues. “Now clean yourself up, you are literally stickier than flypaper. It’s gross.”

James giggled, “Alright. Alright. I admit it is gross being covered in lube, snot, and cum at the same time.” James got up, glancing over at his boyfriend laying on the bed with a smile on his face staring back at himself. “Thanks.”

Draven grinned even wider, “No problem, bun.”

[carolightpenvenys]

DEADLY NIGHTSHADE CHAPTER 4

Chapter 4: sister act

Caroline 6.26am

Verity 6:27

girl this better be good you woke me up

caroline cmon

the suspense is killing me

Caroline 6:30

you know i said we were on a boy cleanse

well

Verity 6:31

tell me

is this gonna make me feel better abt getting back together with andrew

Caroline 6:33

verity! i thought we agreed that until he put a ring on it we were saying no!!!!

but possibly yes

Verity 6:35

i’m weak ok

what’s the tea

Caroline 6:37

black

Verity 6:37

what

Caroline 6:38

chai

Verity 6:39

what

Caroline 6:40

i slept with the hot doctor on my case and i am like 90% sure i am in love with him

Verity 6:41

oh girl

tell me everything

CALLING VERITY

“Oh my God, is he still there?” Were Verity’s first words when she answered the phone.

Caroline sighed, “Sadly not. We’re doing this very sexy thing where we fucked out our emotions and now we are supposed to be professional. He left last night.”

“Oh Caroline.” Verity sighed. “What have you done?”

“I don’t even know? Like I was the one who suggested it?”

“Why?”

“I kind of told him that I liked him a lot but I thought he was getting weirded out so I just went haha let’s fuck? And he went for it. How am I going to go to work on Monday Verity?” Caroline sighed. “Actually I’m glad he’s not here, Horace climbed in my bed and even he is recoiling at my awful morning breath.”

Verity laughed audibly. “I’m so sad I literally live 1000 miles away. I want to meet this guy!”

“Yeah why did you move to Lisbon? I miss you. I need you to see if you think he’s as hot as I think he is.”

“You know it’s quite encouraging.” Verity remarked. “Normally after you sleep with a guy, you question how you were even attracted to him in the first place.”

“Ugh, why do I have to have feelings Verity?” Caroline whinged, cuddling Horace closer. “I’ve decided the only man I’m allowing into my life now is Horace. That’s it. That’s the rules.” She climbed out of bed, almost dropping her iPhone in the process.

“I mean, we all saw how you lasted with your no men rule.”

“Stop it!” Caroline made a beeline for the kettle, ready to make a (good) cup of (proper) tea, unlike that milky shit Dwight lovingly makes her every morning. “I never catch feelings, what’s wrong with me?”

“Honestly who even is she anymore? Colour me shoo-”

“Verity! Emergency!” Caroline picked up some of her own stationary with ‘For Caroline’ scrawled on the front.

“What?” Verity called back but Caroline had already put the phone down, ripping open the envelope keenly.

Dear Caroline,

Just to let you know, I know very little about women (who aren’t patients) but I know enough to know you’re a fantastic one.

Thank you for a wonderful night,

Dwight x

“Verity my fanny is fluttering intensely.” Caroline picked the phone back up.

“Caroline!”

“How am I supposed to work with him when he keeps giving me all these… love kernels?”

“You’ve got to stay strong.” Verity was using her motivational mum voice. “Resolute.”

“He left me his number, I’m going to text him, ask what time he’s coming in on Monday.”

“Caroline I really don’t think that’s a-”

“Goodbye Verity!” Caroline slammed down her phone before realizing that could break the screen and also that she needed it immediately to text Dwight. Her hands were shaking a little and she was shocked at the pure effect he had on her. She didn’t feel like she’d ever felt like this about a man before, despite the overwhelming amount of men (and women) interested in her.

“Oh fuck.” She put an earl grey tea bag in her mug, something she’d become accustomed to since meeting Dwight. “I’m a white man’s whore.” Horace was whining at her feet and she opened her double doors to let him out, contemplating how she’d been so involved in solving this damn case, she’d put herself second again. Which she swore she’d never do.

Maybe sleeping with Dwight was a mistake. Maybe she should make him less involved in the case.

But you see, he had this way of connecting with witnesses, asking the right questions that made Caroline feel more secure, even as an experienced detective.

Plus, she sighed, there was definitely something there. Why on earth did he have to be her colleague?

“Oh Horace,” she spooned his food into his bowl where he had returned from the garden. “I’ve fucked up.”

Horace simply snaffled his food in reply and she stared at him fondly. Living in a ground floor apartment meant she had a beautiful little patio and she could watch Horace all day at the weekend, unless the case was really desperate. But she’d bought her files home and was ready to read up on her next witness, Rowella Chynoweth.  

Why on earth hadn’t she called on the sister of the deceased earlier? Apparently she lived in the next town over but witness statements showed they had not spoken since Morwenna’s marriage to Osborne Whitworth. This seemed unlikely due to the close proximity of the sisters. Character references also seemed to prove she couldn’t hold a job down, with one employer calling her a ‘pathological liar.’

As much as she admired Dwight, she knew she’d have to do this one alone.

POLICE INTERVIEW WITH SUSPECT:

MISS ROWELLA CHYNOWETH (POSSIBLE WITNESS, SISTER OF THE DECEASED): RC

DET. CAROLINE PENVENEN: CP

CP: Just to reassure you, this is a chat more than an interview, legal counsel probably is not required unless you insist on it.

RC: Well, when I need it I have the best that money can buy.

CP: Really? I have a warrant to your bank statements that seem to suggest otherwise.

RC: I have my means.

CP: Are you referring to the £1,000 given to you each month by an Osborne Whitworth?

RC: Yes, they regret they could not see me often so they sent me some compensatory money.

CP: That’s odd. Unusual for a family. Did Mowenna know about this money?

RC: Yes.

CP: I will make note of this. What was your relationship like with your sister and her husband?

RC: My sister and I drifted apart after her marriage. I always thought her jealous of me because she chose to be married and regretted it after.

CP: Some witnesses have reported that your sister was unhappy in her marriage, does this surprise you?

RC: Honestly? She was miserable all the time about one thing or another I wouldn’t take that too seriously.

CP: Did you ever notice any abnormalities in her marriage to the Reverend Whitworth?

RC: As I say, I distanced myself after the marriage.

CP: Yes, could we go through that again? You have ‘distanced’ yourself by living just one town over but they miss you so much, they send you compensatory money?

RC: Yes, I wouldn’t change a word you said. Let the record show that. Anything else?

CP: Yes one more thing, where were you the afternoon and evening of the murder?

RC: With my boyfriend, a man named Arthur Sawley.

CP: That’s all for now, Rowella, don’t skip town.

END OF INTERVIEW

Caroline swung open her office door, ready to collapse into her comfortable chair when-

“You look absolutely exhausted and it’s only 10am.”

Dwight was sat in the chair opposite her desk, smiling, as if he had been there for quite a while and honestly? It had Caroline shook up.

“Oh yeah sorry,” Caroline forced out a smile through her shock. “I just had a really difficult witness.”

“Oh really? I didn’t know you had one coming in today.” Dwight countered as Caroline made herself comfortable in her chair. Honestly even retaining eye contact with him was a lot right now.

“Yeah Rowella Chynoweth. She’s a liar, I sense it in my gut. And from several sturdy character references.” Caroline scribbled furiously on her interview notes. “There’s this £1000 I just cannot justify.” She explained to him about the monthly payments and Dwight furrowed his brow.

“Maybe he’s paying her off for something?”

“But she said Morwenna knew about the payments?” Caroline could not connect the dots.

“But she’s a liar.” Dwight shrugged. “By the way, your hair looks nice today.”

Caroline blushed. She’d worn her hair down for the first time in ages and she wasn’t wearing a pantsuit for the first time in ages because she’d decided it was a new week and time for a new Caroline. “Thank you.” She’d always been excellent at taking compliments. How well she had been schooled. “I need a fucking clue, none of this is slotting together.” She’d been biting her biro for the last five minutes. “When will people stop lying?”

“She seems like the number one suspect at the moment.” Dwight suggested. “I’m sad I didn’t get to interview her sociopathic self.”

“Oh you missed nothing- I knew what I had to do and at least I’ve got some frankly lazy cover stories to work with.”

“Hey Caroline.” She was startled by the receptionist knocking on the door. “This just came for you.”

She passed a brown envelope with a printed label saying DET. CAROLINE PENVENEN

“Ooh I hope it’s my payslip.” Caroline smiled. “I’m broke as hell this month.” Dwight didn’t need to know that with her inheritance she’d never have to work a day in her life because it wasn’t important.

“It looks lowkey suspicious.” Dwight winced slightly.

“The new receptionist is very new so I will just have to see what amateur hour she’s produced here.” Caroline broke the seal with her letter opener she’d used only once before.

Inside were two sheets of paper almost stuck together and Caroline gasped when she saw what it was. “Oh my God Dwight.” She said under her breath, “You’re not going to believe this.”

For inside the envelope were two… indecent pictures of Rowella Chynoweth and the Reverend Osborne Whitworth.

“Oh my god.” Dwight gasped. “First of all, I’m never going to unsee that, put it away. Second of all, that’s probably what the money was for.”

“Morwenna couldn’t have possibly known about that money.” Caroline shook her head. “But I think we just found some motive.”

“Next question,” Dwight added, “Who sent this?”

“I will run the envelope to evidence for prints but I doubt there will be anything. Whoever is giving me these clearly wants to remain anonymous.” Caroline sighed. “FUCK.”

“You know, you should start a swear jar,” Dwight reclined his seat. “You’d make so much money.”

“When I was younger, swearing was bad manners. My uncle always said ‘no man will ever love you if you have a foul mouth’ and I just thought… well fuck.”

“That’s actually not true.” Dwight replied. “If anything it makes you more intellectual, shows you have a stronger grasp on the English language.”

Caroline blushed again. “Dwight, stop.” She shook her head. “Next thing I’ll have myself thinking you believe in me.”

To that, Dwight just smiled enigmatically. “What’s the harm in me believing you can solve this case?”

Hi yeah, the problem is I’m trying to delete my feelings for you but every time we are in the same room it intensifies times 100.

“Nothing. I’m a brilliant detective.” Caroline smirked. “And you’re a subpar doctor.”

“Stop it.” Dwight laughed. “I didn’t spend seven years at university to be called subpar!”

“Ok,” Caroline conceded, trying to tone down how extra she was being because she felt as if she was embarrassing herself. “I’ll confess, you’re a pretty great doctor. To dead people. I guess.”

“Wow.” Dwight was happy she’d finally cracked. “That’s going to be the opening statement on the cover letter for my next job.”

“What?” Caroline furrowed her eyebrows. “You’re leaving the morgue?”

“Yeah, I’ve done my time. I want to be a GP, it’s a bit more my scene. I’m going to have to go back to school for a bit first, but yeah, I plan to leave for Cambridge as soon as this case is over.”

Caroline’s heart was stamped on. Is this why he wanted to solve the case as soon as possible? Why the change? Did he not want to work with her anymore?

“Caroline,” Dwight attempted to regain her eye contact. “You literally look as if you’ve seen a ghost, are you ok?”

“This isn’t about… what happened between us is it?” Caroline could barely get the words out, she felt as if her mouth was made of cotton. How had she caught feelings so fast?

“No.” Dwight was quick to respond, holding his hand out over the table. “You are quite an incredible woman Caroline but not so much so you make me want to change practice.”

Caroline tentatively put her hand out back. “You see, things like this hurt me Dwight.”

“Things like what?”

“I don’t know whether it’s because you’re my colleague, or whether you’re a professional but, I just never feel like you’re completely in my reach.” Caroline said in a voice barely more than a whisper.

“Caroline,” Dwight replied almost instantly. “Do you want me to be in reach?”

Desperately, Caroline thought to herself.

“Until you go to Cambridge.”  Caroline kept her voice calm. “I think we should keep doing… what we do. I don’t think I’m ready to let go yet. Are you?”

Dwight sighed, carding a hand through his hair. “I wish I could say I was but, we are going to have to keep it secret.”

“The best kept secret.”

“How did this get so complicated?” Dwight was confused. “If this were any other circumstance I would be dating the hell out of you right now.”

Is what you wanted him to say.

What he actually said was, “Thank you Caroline. I’ve got another body in the morgue, see you tonight?”

“Yeah,” Caroline breathed out gently, blushing at the thought. “See you tonight Doctor Enys.”

A/N: I WANT UR THEORIES!! WHO IS THE MURDERER AND WHO IS SENDING THOSE NOTES? WILL CAROLINE AND DWIGHT EVER MAN UP AND TELL EACHOTHER HOW THEY FEEL?

[ofprcngs]

BRANDON ARREAGA — Well, if it isn’t JAMES POTTER, the GRYFFINDOR superstar. For those of you who don’t know HIM, you can spot them sitting with the other SEVENTH years. Most people think that they’re CHARMING and INCISIVE, but they can also seem pretty DEPENDENT and INEXORABLE. Sometimes people call them the SHEPHERD. Sure, they’re a PUREBLOOD, but that doesn’t define them. 

i literally have 0 explanation for why i did this other than i’m in love with him. but also, he’s a mess, so jot that down. if you wanna know more about him ( protip: don’t ) then i recommend checking out his pinterest and then i dunno.... contemplate why i’m a punk ass bitch, i guess. enjoy this mess. plot with me. ily.

james henry potter ( named for two his two grandfathers, maternal and paternal respectively ) was born on april 4th, 1960 to two of the most loving parents a child could have.

fleamont and euphemia had been trying for a child for years. they’d been together for basically all of time, having been that typical good-looking, well liked couple in hogwarts that everyone always just assumes will get married ( spoiler alert: they did ), however had had to postpone kids due to fleamont’s brief stint as a professional quidditch player for eight years following their graduation. after that, they would try every month for a child, and after many years of disappointment, eventually gave up. it was during this time that fleamont developed the sleekeazy hair potion which only added to their immense wealth. 

finally at age forty-one, they were surprised with the arrival of james. obviously, they saw him as their miracle child, and as such he was pampered and completely spoiled from the moment he was born.

i cannot stress enough how much this spoiled upbringing shaped james into the person he is today. if you’re wondering why he was ever an arrogant prick, it’s because he was always used to getting absolutely everything he ever wanted. he grew up with money, he grew up with fame and with every bit of attention he could garner, and so it was really no wonder he was a bit of an asshole by the time he started at hogwarts.

obviously, james had a pretty cushy childhood, and as such, shit didn’t start getting real until he started at hogwarts. 

it took all of three seconds for the hat to sort him into gryffindor, and i guess you could say he pretty much considered himself to be the gem of the house. he was the absolute epitome of a gryffindor, basically considered him the poster boy and all but expected everyone to love him.

really did not help his ego to know that everyone did.

in typical sterotype-gryffindor fashion, james hated slytherin. he had always been taught growing up that purists were basically the root of all evil, and his father had had no qualms in lumping all these people in with the house of the snakes. james and his friends took a particular disliking to severus snape almost immediately for the poncy way in which he seemed to believe he was superior to all for his intelligence and his house status, and this dislike only grew when lily evans was tossed into the mix, too.

for basically the first four or five years of hogwarts, james really was that stereotypical arrogant asshole that he’s often made out to be. he always got everything he asked for, he was incredibly popular and incredibly intelligent, he had the most amazing friends and his eyes on the most amazing girl. he was set!! shit was good!!

shit was not good, though. definitely was not. 

despite having known of remus’ furry little problem since second year, things didn’t really start to settle in james how awful it was until third or fourth year. he hated seeing his friend in pain, he hated that he couldn’t help, and so he rallied the boys to put into action their worst plan yet!!!!

becoming animagi!!!!!!

it took fucking forever, obviously, but by the end of fourth year they did it!! we stan icons

except then in fifth year shit hit the fan again in just, like... so many ways

first, it was the whole severus ‘mudblood’ situation. honestly, james was absolutely furious. he’d always hated snape but this just made everything 1000 times worse. even if it had happened to anyone else, he would have been fuming. but for it to have happened to lily like... yikes. 

this was also a horrible time for james though because lily rejected him for the thousandth time. like, look, what a yikes thing to think when she was just called a mudblood, but frankly he was sick of being rejected and he was sick of being the asshole who kept pressuring her so that was the breaking point --- he gave up on her. 

and tbh, he changed a lot from here on out. grew up!! became a better person bc he saw how horrible snap was and decided he was sick of horrible people!! saw, recognised and acknowledged that just bc he was hot and intelligent and rich he wasn’t always going to get everything he wanted ( see: miss evans ) and just generally learned that oh shit the world doesn’t revolve around him!!!

oh and then there was that whole thing with sirius and snape and Remus the Werewolf and ohhhh boyyyy.... that infuriated him. 

he loves his bros so much and y’all know he would die for them, but to see his friend abuse remus’ pain and suffering for his own gain was heart wrenching. it just pushed him further to pull him in line, to realise that not everything was about games, or petty rivalry, or ‘ getting the girl ’ --- life  heartache and mistakes and it was never going to go the way he wanted it to.

now look, this isn’t all to say that james is now a Super Strict, Super Intense, Brooding Weirdo. he’s still a bit of a child, and he’s still a bit of an arrogant prick, but ultimately what wins out is his morals --- every time. he wants to lead the world to a better place, without war and without hate, he wants everyone to have the same opportunities he had as a kid and he wants nothing more than for blood purity to be eradicated.

get that shit outta my house!!! gross!!!!!!

now in his final year, james is always flipping between taking his role as head boy deadly serious and turning it into one big game of mischief. he’s still a marauder at heart, after all, and has definitely abused his power sometimes for the benefit of fun and games, but when it comes down to it, he can be very strict and lowkey paternal. the leader really just.... popped right outta him, it came to play and it came hard, and really you’d think he’s minister for magic with how serious he treats it sometimes.

i hate him.

he’s a lot less intense with his hatred for slytherin’s. he has come to recognise that not everyone from that lifestyle is going to be the same, not everyone who grew up a certain way or was sorted into a certain house is going to think with a deadly mind, and while he’s still a bit wary, he’s a lot more relaxed about it, especially as head boy ( gotta at least pretend shit’s fair !!! )

ok i’m so tired this is abt to turn into a rambling mess 

uHhhHHh he’s very dependent as in like... boi cannot go a week without his friends. he is used to having people to bounce off, that’s always the type of leader he has been, and as much as he would probably be amazing at anything on his own, he’s never really tried. too scared!! i hate him!!!!!

super unforgiving. like, if you have gotten on his bad side.... i’m sorry. it is going to be very difficult to return from there. his moral compass is pretty black and white, you’re either good or your bad, and if you’ve done something he considers bad wELL sucks to be you, i guess. sorry not sorry.

takes his quidditch very seriously tbh. so many people have told him he needs to be a pro like his dad, but he’s like haha fuck you i know what i wanna do ( hint hint: he wants to rule that goddamn auror office, make that shit far more efficient then he thinks it is now ). but srsly, he’s so intense abt the game and it really like... idk gets him in the zone, keeps him level-headed in amongst all this chaos. 

i don’t know what im saying anymore pls send help

uhhhhh he’s smart. i guess. straight a’s and shit idk. just very naturally intelligent, finds everything he does easy, like.. really is that asshole who is just good at everything he does.

i’ve run out of things to say, pls just love him

WANTED CONNECTIONS

girlfriend: i hate to expose myself as a whole ass jily stan but... here i am i guess. but also, listen: he really thinks he’s over her right now. like, he truly believes his days of pestering lily evans are behind him. it was just a crush! it’s gone! ( spoiler alert: it’s not ) BUT he is so convinced that he has got himself into this relationship which is really just... a mess. like highkey it’s obvious he could never fully love her bc his Heart Belongs to Lily or whatever but he does care for her deeply and has tricked himself into believing it’s love. it’s hard, man. he’s confused. send help.

ex-girlfriend(s): more of above but like... less intense? or more intense! who knows, frankly.

childhood friend(s): i’d die for childhood friends. jake/gina dynamic? iconic. just anything, really.

odd friend: ok like... as i mentioned, he’s still kinda wary of slytherins and ppl who grew up in purist culture, but i would love love love to see someone who was one of the first to show him that not all those people are so bad. like someone from a purist family or the like who was just chill and friendly and actually befriended this asshole even when he was... well, an asshole. it’d be fun, ig. also if they eventually do end up recruited for the de’s bc of family stuff or whatever... bonus points.

rivals: i’m tired. you understand.

[thekidultlife]

Oppa-ya | Jihoon Idol!AU | Part 3

(A/N: a lot of you guys wanted me to continue this haha but I was really hesitant bc this is bone dry angst than fluff. I was even sincerely hurt as I wrote this lol. Anyway one angsty chapter coming right up.)

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3

“Are you still having trouble with that guy you liked?”

That question suddenly popped out of nowhere one night as the two of you casually lounged at the sofa in Bumzu’s studio for a break. He was playing some soccer game in the PS while you munched on a lollipop with your sharp canines—different from how you two seemed to be back in the recording room.

The weeks suddenly turned stressful when Pledis announced an All Star concert featuring all of Pledis’ artists that Seungkwan wasn’t even able to execute his plans. You and Jihoon were assigned to produce a song which will be sung by everybody at the encore, which, of course, should be a masterpiece yet for now, nothing really came up.

So when Jihoon threw that question to you, you almost choked on the shards of broken lollipop in your mouth and struggled to spit out a reply.

“…well, it’s still pretty much the same. I can’t really do anything if we’re like this. I’ll probably just wait for a miracle,” you told him with a defeated chuckle.

“Why don’t you just tell him? Who knows you two might actually work out,” Jihoon said as he scored a goal in the video game he was playing while you watched him with an eyebrow arched.

“Now you sound just like Hanna,” you lightly laughed at his amused face. “The thing is, I’m afraid I might get hurt and I especially don’t want him hurt.”

“Wow,” Jihoon remarked sarcastically with a tiny grin on his lips as his dimples appeared. “But as far as I know, relationships always involve getting hurt. So instead of regretting that you two didn’t end up together, it’s better to be hurt because you can proudly say that you two actually became a thing.”

You knew he had a point but you were too stubborn to accept that you were doing something foolish. In end, you just brushed it off with a joke.

“Wise words from the one and only Lee Jihoon,” you teased him as he tried to avoid your finger poking his sides to distract him from the game. “But I’ll keep that in mind.”

“By the way, Y/N, are you busy this Saturday?” Jihoon again asked you as you began recalling your schedule.

“Apart from a LieV later on that evening, then…nothing. I’m free, why?”

“Ah, if it’s like that, would you want to come with me?”

Jihoon abruptly asked you so nonchalantly that you thought you had to do a double take and process everything in your mind first.

Is he…is he asking me on a date?

“Come with you? Where?” you cautiously asked back; your heart beating rapidly at Mach speed, your breath holding on to his every word.

“Oh, just lunch. So you in?”

“Seriously? He asked you for lunch?!”

Hanna, Hazel and Leigh were almost shouting at the top of their voices in your group’s dorm that you had to cover up their mouths and profusely told them to shut up.

“Yes, now be quiet,” you told them as you sipped your cola with an annoyed glare. “He casually invites his friends for lunch so don’t make it so big of a deal.”

“Yeah sure, he invites the vocal unit for some samgyeopsal but he never invites girls for lunch,” Hanna reasoned out but you tried to ignore her. Despite that, you can’t deny that you were feeling hopeful.

“You should dress nice!” Leigh suggested excitedly as everyone agreed except you who only scowled.

“I ain’t going shopping,” you hissed at them yet they simply smirked at you.

“Tomorrow is a day off, right? Let’s hit Hongdae! It’s been a while since I’ve been there!” Hazel chimed in as she kept on rocking you back and forth.

“Then you guys go. I plan on doing some composing tomorrow,” you replied as you got off the bed but Hazel merely dragged you back with one pull.

“NO! You will look pretty in that date so you will be coming with us tomorrow!”

“I told you, it’s not a date!”

The off-white dress looked terribly complimenting on you as you faced yourself in front of the mirror. You didn’t want to prepare yourself so much for your lunch with Jihoon later but here you are daydreaming about how your date will proceed. No it’s definitely not a date.

“This is so wrong…” you whispered to yourself but you did your make up so well that anyone would have thought a professional have done it. You wore your best shoes, your best perfume, your best in everything—in conclusion, you prepared for your date so eagerly that you could no longer deny it.

When the doorbell rang a quarter to eleven, you hid the fact that you were actually excited and opened the door to see Jihoon looking very casual with just a green button up and jeans. The moment he saw you, Jihoon felt his eyes widen in surprise that his mouth only opened and then closed, and then opened once again.

“Hey, are you ok?” you asked him with a wave of your hand as he broke off from his state of shock.

“O-oh, hey…um…wow, you actually dressed up,” he muttered as he gave you another look while you stubbornly stopped the stupid smile forming on your lips.

“Hanna and the others bribed me to wear this,” you clarified as you closed the door behind you and put on your coat as Jihoon nodded in understanding.

“Ah, so that explains. Anyway, let’s go,” he told you and started walking towards the elevators.

However, instead of a delightful date like what you hoped for, life isn’t really that kind. Everything in that whole duration of two hours and forty-three minutes became just a blur to you like one of those Impressionist paintings hanging behind your seat in the restaurant that morning.

“Jihoon, wow! You look so grown up now!”

“You don’t really stop with the teasing, noona.”

Surprise.

Disappointment.

 “But you would still humor me anyway. Oh, you brought your girlfriend?”

“No, no. We’re just friends, right Y/N?”

Pain. Hide it. Smile like how you were trained.

 “Y/N, I want you to meet Seulgi-noona. She’s one of my closest friends back in Busan.”

“Oh, it’s nice to meet you! So you’re also an idol? I haven’t really updated myself these days.”

 Small talk. Music in the background. Glasses clinking.

Big smiles. Hidden glances you noticed. Pain. Hurt.

 “Her group is really popular these days, you might have even heard their songs playing in public places.”

“Ah yes, I’ve actually heard your songs before! Wow! I would have never thought that I would meet two idols today. Anyway Jihoonie, you’re still composing songs?”

 Flustered. Red ears. Embarrassed and shy. Bashful. Small smiles. His dimples.

 “Well yeah…I’m one of the producers of Seventeen’s songs so…”

“That’s really great! I knew pushing you to go to Seoul was the right thing to do! But I’m sorry if I haven’t contacted you for a long time. I was so busy with university and all.”

“Ah so that’s why you haven’t recognized me right away. But I returned to Busan a few years ago and you weren’t there anymore.”

 Realization. One Fine Day in Japan. Disappointment. Hurt. Pain.

Hide. Hide. Laugh.

 “Actually that’s why I wanted to see you.”

“Why? Are you in any problem? I can help.”

“No, honestly, it’s not a problem. I’m here…I just wanted to give you this.”

 Silence. His smile fading. He’s hiding. Let’s hide.

“Oh. You’re…you’re getting married.”

“Yes, I moved in with my fiancé a few years back that’s why I left Busan. Anyway, I really hope you’ll come…oh and Y/N, you can also come too! I really like you.”

Silence. Background noise. Cars honking. Streets filled with people.

02hrs 43min 12sec 7ms

END

The muted noises faded away and your ears seemed to return to normal and you finally realized that you two were walking back towards your dorm in comforting silence.

“Jihoon-oppa.”

“What is it?” he replied to you as he buried the fancy envelope in his coat as he also buried his emotions deep inside.

“Seulgi-unnie isn’t just a close friend, is she?” you asked as you braced yourself for the impact.

“Seulgi-noona…she’s…,” Jihoon paused for a while, sighing as he can’t really contain anything anymore. “Well…she’s my first love.”

You smiled bitterly as your eyes threatened to wet themselves but you were better at keeping your feelings at bay.

“I saw you staring at her earlier,” you teased with a fake grin on your lips but Jihoon didn’t spare you a glance.

“Hm. Really?”

“Well then, how do you feel about her getting married?” you asked again, torturing yourself. I’m becoming a masochist.

“I don’t know.”

You hummed at his terrible answer; faking playful curiosity. You were after all a better actor than Jihoon.

“Do you still like her?” you asked straightforwardly, this time pursing your lips as you desperately tried to hold off all of your emotions.

“I…I just don’t know! She’s my first love Y/N! I grew up loving her! Do you think it’s that easy to forget?”

Jihoon finally burst everything that he has kept from the moment he laid eyes upon that invitation card to the time Seulgi waved him a goodbye; looking never so satisfied in her life than the present.

“Whenever I go home to Busan, it’s her I remember! She’s in everything I see back there—in our yard, in the port where we played with the boats, in the corner store as I buy popsicles! She’s the one who persuaded me into becoming who I am! But now she’s going to marry someone! And I’m even fucking invited! How am I supposed to move on?!”

He was huffing by the time he ranted his heart out as you stood there in the middle of the deserted street looking at him who was so desperately in love with someone else who he could never be with.

It must have been your way of comforting him or your way of comforting yourself—you walked towards him and enveloped him into an embrace; placing his head on your shoulder and patted his back. Jihoon would normally recoil at the sudden skinship but everything was in chaos that your warmth felt really inviting. 

“You still do love her,” you remarked as you again bit your lip to stop the tears. Not here. Not here. Please.

“…I don’t know,” Jihoon replied and removed himself from you and walked onwards.  

“Yes you do, you idiot.”

“Wow. How are you still alive after that?”

Seungkwan commented as he took a sip from his iced americano with Leigh and Hanna looking solemn beside him.

“Well, it’s not the end of the world. I can live with that,” you replied with confidence in your voice; the straw of your iced latte between your lips.

“You’re so stubborn,” Hanna remarked as she tapped the table; thinking.

“No, I just refuse to mope around all day just because he likes someone else,” you defended yourself with a bite on your tone. “Besides, I don’t want to be like those idiots flirting behind us.”

“You’re also bitter,” Seungkwan added with an annoyed expression. “Look Y/N, crying doesn’t make you look weak, okay?”

“I already cried last night and it’ll be the last time I will. This is stupid,” you replied as everyone sighed at your mulish behavior.

“If you need someone who’ll listen to you we’re here, Y/N,” Leigh told you as she patted your back with a small smile. “If you want, we can watch that crime show you always wanted!”

You shook your head as you stood up and gathered your things.

“Thanks, but maybe some other time. I’m off to the studio,” you told them as you left in a haste.

Seungkwan watched your retreating back as Hanna took a sip from her drink, also exhausted from taking in all of your bullshit.  

“Something tells me that this isn’t over.”

-Admin Hyeri

[mistermegee]

Winter Wonderland

A small McReyes drabble I did for @oblivionscribe as a Christmas present, I love you so much baby and hope we have many more Christmases to come.

---------

“You really think all that naughty and nice list shit is real?”

The question seemed to come from out of nowhere and honestly, took Gabe by surprise. It must have easily read on his face because of his companions drawling laugh that followed. “What, ah… caused that to pop into your mind?” His brows were perked in curiosity before the cowboy motioned to the waving animatronic of Santa Claus in front of them. “Just being around all this… well, holly jolly-ness got me thinking about all that shit from when we were kids.” Jesse paused and scratched at his chin hairs, “I guess as much as you get when your family can barely scrape anything together to have a meal that wasn’t boxed mac and cheese for Christmas. What I mean is, you think all we do for Blackwatch is gonna end us up smack dab on the naughty list for life?” His grin was teasing, obviously amused at the thought of Santa’s shaking head at the sight of their names.

It had the Latino entertained as well, “You, Jesse McCree, are probably number one most wanted on that list. You are coal for life, my friend, sorry to say!” The pair burst into silly giggles, just enjoying the calm that they were able to soak up despite how stressful their usual days were. Gabe wasn’t a huge Christmas person, Halloween was more his holiday, but he hadn’t been able to bring himself to deny his agent’s request to go wander around the city park’s light display. He had to admit it was strange… just acting like they were normal people doing normal things instead of covert agents stealing away to brave the public and ooh at some lights shaped like reindeer and snowmen. With a warm hot chocolate in hand though, it turned the outing into something more romantic than he wondered if Jesse had wanted. The fact that they were surrounded by families and happy couples didn’t do anything to aid the strange throbbing in his chest that grew with every moment alone with the other.

“Augh, suppose its Krampus for me then, nothing but being whipped with sticks all Christmas~” The waggled in his brows had Gabe groaning and pushing off the railing they were against to head to the next display. “Hey! Hey, wait for me, haha!”

The pair slowly wandered through the lit wonderland, chatting about whatever came to mind with no aim in particular for the end of their journey. Though as they spoke, the commander found himself more and more drawn to watching the small puffs of air that left Jesse’s lips with every word, and every word leading to watching those slightly cracked lips… Was it wrong to be so enamored by his subordinate? Even with Jesse being as crude as he was, there was a charm hidden inside the lewd jokes and that strangling accent. He couldn’t help but compare the quick shot to a cactus bloom, dangerous and defensive, but gorgeous to look at and once you could appreciate how to handle them, you could see the true beauty. “Hey, boss, you okay?” Gabe was drawn back from his thoughts when his companion spoke, eyes snapping up to meet those whisky colored orbs. “I… yeah, yeah… sorry…” “Mhm… yeah, totally ok even though you haven’t answered me or told me to shut up for a while now, heh. Something on your mind?” Jesse sidled over closer to the latino, making it even harder for poor Gabe to concentrate and answer him fully… but there he was, looking so earnest and worried… And then Gabe did something he hoped he wouldn’t regret immediately. He pulled the other closer to him, their cold reddened noses brushing against one another while their lips hovered- barely scraping skin against skin. Gabe’s heart was beating a mile a minute now and he couldn’t believe what he’d just done!! No! Jesse was going to recoil in shock and that was going to be that. He was going to be known as the commander that tried to take advantage of one of his agents! One of those scum that made people ‘earn’ promotions… oh god, what had he done!? “Gabe….?” The soft response had every hair on his body standing up straight as can be and Gabe swore he couldn’t remember what breathing felt like… but then he felt a hand nestle on the back of his neck.

It was as if time had stopped… Jesse guided their bodies nearer and closed the gap that he’d left there out of fear to connect their lips in a gentle, nervous kiss. Gabe had no idea how to react at first, now he was the one flabbergasted by the affectionate act.

Slowly he let himself return it without another worry, tossing all his insecurities out of his mind and allowing himself to let his poor cocoa drop to the snow below to pull Jesse flush against his chest. The cowboy’s heart matched his in the quick pace as their hands desperately grabbed at cloth and skin to keep their partner as close as possible.

Eventually, the world returned to its movement and time ceased its magical halt it had allowed the men. They’d had to break away to gasp in cold breaths but Gabe swore he still felt dizzy from it all, from the very remembrance of what had just occurred. Jesse was now hiding away under his hat and the latino wished his beanie was big enough where he could do the same. Would the younger regret the kiss? Would this ruin everything at Blackwatch? Gabe knew that nothing could be the same anymore after this, that time couldn’t stop again and let them forever wander this park without a care. No, that wasn’t the real world and this wasn’t a fairytale. Whatever happened as a result of this was going to happen… all he could hope was that it wasn’t a disaster. “Gabe?” It was the second time tonight that his companion had to break through that mental wall of his and the man nervously looked up to meet Jesse’s gaze. “...shit… yeah, Jesse?” “I… hah…” The gunslinger lazily rubbed the back of his neck, cheeks pink not just from the cold now, “B-best Christmas present ever… way better than pulling socks out from under the tree!” Gabe gaped at the other’s words before rubbing his face with a tired laugh, “Seriously? That's what you compare this to? Socks??” “I said better than socks!!” The quick defense had him snorting now as nerves melted away and doomsday thoughts flitted off like the snowflakes surrounding them. “I… ah… might need to try it again though.” That coy look he’d grown so used to, that he saw each day, now seemed brand new. The twinkling eyes that matched the lights were only looking at him and all he could do was sigh dramatically before obliging the other and dragging him close. “You better enjoy it, McCree, there isn’t a gift receipt for this one.” A terrible joke, but at least Jesse gave him a pity laugh right before they kissed again. Suddenly he wasn’t bothered by the cold anymore… in fact, it was the only thing keeping him from burning up in all his layers. “We should, ah… maybe head back.” “Mmm… yep, we have a casualty and definitely need reinforcements.” Jesse nodded solemnly and motioned to the forgotten cup of cocoa now mostly spilled out onto the snow. “I can think of some fun things we can do when we get back as well… enjoy a little fire on the t.v… more cocoa…” He purposefully trailed off and that was enough to get the super soldier's heartbeat starting up again. “Merry Christmas, Jesse…” “Merry Christmas, Gabe… I… I hope we can do this again next year.”

Gabe gave a grunt in agreement just as he quietly took Jesse’s hand in his to give the glove a quick smooch. “Just don’t make me wear that ugly sweater you got me then too, ok?” The laughter that rang through the park would always be a dear memory that the old soldier would keep in his heart. Even though they knew nothing of the struggles the future held, at least for this night, they could forget about the world and merely be selfish with one another… if only for just a night… they could imagine it was merely the two of them and the snow that sparkled in the night sky.

And Gabe was the happiest he’d ever been.

[kwibu]

ok i accept my fate then haha and thank you!! yes i need some help, you could link me your fav videos maybe? or smth to help me know their names lol so far i only know woozi (he looks a little like suga and is really short, right?), jeonghan (i never saw a human that beautiful) and vernon bc of my sister haha

Good lord I really tried keeping it short but it just got more elaborate the further along the way I got halp. Also this took ages I’m so sorry! I’ll add in the links to videos and all a bit later. For now you can enjoy this content!

Jihoon

[© Dreamlike [☆]  ]

Yeeeeeeees that little man is Woozi! He was actually my first bias because I’m really short as well so I really connected, haha. He is an actual musical genius though. Boy is so talented and insightful? He does a lot of composing and producing and  he works really hard always, the other members really admire him. He writes a lot of the lyrics as well. He hates doing aegyo and hates skinship but loves when the members tease him about it. Can be very wild at times but is usually a bit reserved. Can be very Savage but will check up on other members in a way he thinks they won’t notice he cares about them. Also he’s a cupcake please love him!

For looks he’s very soft and has a rather round face with relatively wide nostrils. When he laughs his face turns into the XD smiley it’s embarrassingly cute. He’s short but still 13 cm taller than I am so I don’t think I have a right to call him that but I still do. He once wore a sweater with the words ‘Grown Man’ on it.

Jeonghan

[© One Shot [☆]]

Jeonghan looks like a literal angel - if angels are even capable of such beauty - but don’t be fooled because he loves mischief and he loves setting members up against each other (not in a serious way though). Also he’s needy af and needs constant attention. He takes care of the others and he’s refered to himself as the ‘mom’ before but has now started calling himself the ‘dad’. He is a 4y/o though, don’t be fooled. A little shit with a massive heart.

For looks? Well, angelic, basically. Has big doe eyes with that sharp inner corner, and his nose kind of looks like it’s been sharply cut off? It sounds rude but I mean to say that it’s cute. He has a delicate little nose. Also his cheeks are a little hollow but he has a prominent chin and cheekbones. His long hair was glorious, his short hair is too.

Vernon

[ © The Boy Vernon  [☆] ]

Vernon! What a special snowflake. Seriously. He has a very unique way of seeing things and he’s very very creative and I admire that a lot! He’s a very hearty person. Very open, very honest, very warm. A bit theatrical. He sometimes wears outfits that really put up a middlefinger to gender roles (yes, he does this consciously) and I’m digging it. A bit reckless sometimes. Needs to be protected.

For looks, if you see anyone making meme-faces it’s probably him. Looks like he is up to no good 24/7. Other than that he’s probably the most western-looking out of all of them and he has a sharp, angular jawline and really really good eyebrows. When he smiles his mouth forms a heart???? Also cute little baby teeth.

Seungkwan

[ © BOO-Bit  [☆] ]

Seungkwan is 1 out of 2 powervocals holy shit his vocals are fantastic, seriously. Could probably sing the entire Phantom Of The Opera on his own if he wanted to. He likes adding a funny or dramatic note in podcasts or variety shows. He’s so beautiful though, he has this natural glow and I just??? He’s very underrated though wow. Very good at putting emotion in his singing. Is very soft and queen-like. Very outspoken.Very loud. Very emotional.

For looks he has a very very round face and puffy cheeks it’s so beautiful? (throwback to when someone asked him ‘your natural look is just ‘bloated’ right?’ and he cried for his mom). Usually goes for softer or more natural haircolours right blonde, brown or pastel-anything. Very round eyes and looks very good with eyeliner on. Also he has a nice butt (Vernon has literally said it was his favourite part about Seungkwan soooo).

Seokmin 

[ © !My Oh My! [☆] ]

DK! Power vocal 2. A sunshine boy. He smiles and laughs a lot. Sometimes it’s a bit fake and he seems a bit insecure but honestly it makes me love him a thousand times more because he ain’t smiling for people to like him more, he’s smiling because he’s trying to cheer the others up and honestly how can you not love? He’s also hilarious and said to look like a horse (members joke about this often, also he does the horse-dance from time to time bless). Is really loud and always singing up to the point where it annoys the other members. Very warm person. Despite his talents he is very very humble.

As for looks, his face is longer than most and he actually has a pretty broad jaw. His eyesmile is everything. His eyes sparkle most of the time. A very tol and lanky dude. Also usually sticks with natural shades of brown/black in terms of hair. Has fantastic thighs. Bit of a pointy nose and has a birthmark on his cheek.

Minghao

[ © 명랑호도그  [☆] ]

Speaking of lanky dudes, this guy here is Hao. The8. Though no one calls him that anymore. He dabs. All of the fucking time. He even did a leg-dab once. Stop him. He’s one of the two Chinese members. His limbs look so pointy and awkward but he moves like a fucking cat, seriously, his dancing and movement is so smooth all of the time? Knows how to use nunchucks for real. Likes romantic novels. Do not trust anyone who calls him a savage because he is literally the softest boy ever and cares so much about the other members? He stares at them fondly 24/7. He’s usually very timid and shy but he’s become a lot more open (probably also because he knows more Korean and is more confident) and he likes to talk about his interests and the books and movies he’s watching. He’s a bit of a zen dude.

As for looks, well, I have a lot to say. First of all his eyes? They’re sort of slitted but also really really big and very beautiful. Looks innocent, is probably guilty. He has a boopy nose and elf ears (yes it is vital you know this) and pump lips. Has become very very stylish of late (if we’re not counting the bucket hats) and honestly he dresses so well I’m in love? Has a long neck and a pretty prominent adams apple.

Junhui

[ © Moon Jerry [☆] ]

Where there’s Hao there’s Jun. China line. Hao once said if he were in Korea and Jun wasn’t, it wouldn’t work. He’s very confident in his looks and rightfully so. He’s very playful and laughs a lot but when he’s on stage he turns into some sort of hot dad i don’t know okay? He lives in his own world and is usually very quiet during interviews or Vlives but every now and then you’ll catch him creeping out of his shell doing his own weird thing ilhsm? He’s a pretty enthusiastic dude. Incredible dancer, conveys emotions with his body so well? He cares for the others in small ways like bringing them water when others prank them to eat hot food.

As for looks, he also has a very boopy nose and a prominent adams apple. A very strong jawline and really broad shoulders. His upper lip is a bit pouty and has very sharp corners. His eyes are very shiny and I have a thing for his lower lashline. Has relatively big ears that have this sharp line on the bottom? People die when he wears a choker. Is said to look a lot like Heechul from Suju. He’s one of the members that have more of a man’s body than a boy’s, I guess?

Soonyoung

[ © Sweet 10 [☆] ]

Hoshi is such a many-sided person I’m not sure where to begin? He choreographs almost all of their songs and gains inspiration from literally anything and I admire that so much? Dances so smoothly and naturally it’s like he doesn’t even have to try (though I know he works so hard to achieve that). He can portray anything through dance, seriously, he’s so damn good. Is very passionate and said to be stern during dance practice though he is enthusiastic and more playful outside of work. He laughs a lot and is very extroverted. King of aegyo. Drama queen. Baby hamster.

As for looks he’s quite easy to distuinguish. He looks very very soft (though I’ve noticed I say that about almost everyone) and has chubby little hamster cheeks and relatively broad teeth. He  has the nickname 10:10 because his eyes look like the arms of a clock at that time. His eyes are very small and slitted and yes, they point upwards at the outer corners and they always twinkle and I’m so in love??

Chan

[© Look at D [☆] ]

Dino. I admire this kid so much. He is a baby but honestly he’s one of the most serious members. He’s very passionate and has set goals for himself, has high standards. Crazy with dance, very tight movement. Knows how to be sexy while he should not because he is a baby. He’s bright and honest and tbh he can be really savage but usually he does that to bring his point across in a more funny way? Very critic eye especially towards himself. Does not like it when Jeonghan asks whose baby he is (spoiler alert: he’s Jeonghan’s baby). He’s very thoughtful and grounded.

As for looks, his face is shaped a little angular but then his nose is so boopy? Has very thin lips. High and prominent cheekbones. No double eyelid to be found and tbh his eyes are gorgeous?? Tiny ears and tiny hands for a tiny boy.

Seungcheol

[© S.Clair [☆] ]

S. Coups aka the one and only real Dad amongst all dads. Honestly I respect this dude so much? He has to put up with twelve children, be the bridge between pledis and said children, listen to all his children’s opinion and try to make it into 1 thought and voice said thought to said company or other instances. He keeps them in check when needed but most importantly he supports them so much? Honestly he tries to bring out the best in everyone even though it sometimes makes him selfconscious because he might not be as good as they are wow. Apart from that he’s a great rapper and has a good sense for rhythm (which is nice when you’re a rapper lmao).

As for looks he’s a bit less polished than the rest and I like it best when he has that little bit of scruff but no pledis ain’t letting their idols do that. If I’m being completely honest it took me the longest out of all members to find him attractive? I think it’s mainly because idols tend to look rather elegant and I feel like it doesn’t really suit his personality but idk. Anyhows he has a killer jawline, his eyes are slanted downwards at the outer corners. A cute smol chin, plump lips and tiny ears. His forehead is suspected of murder. Oh and he has a gummy smile!!

Mingyu

[© Dreamlike [☆]]

Aaaah this boy??? He is a bit like Taehyung in the sense that he’s either really smart or really dumb (I agree with both). He’s rather bubbly and chatty and has very broad interests and asks lots of questions (”do fish blink? do they???”) (which, apparently, no they don’t because they don’t have eyelids). Looks like some sort of sex god or an adorable doofus there’s no inbetween. He’s a puppy. Either he’s pouty and pulling puppy eyes or he’s happily wagging his tail and trailing after Wonwoo. Is very beautiful and has a great sense of fashion. He conveys emotions very well on his face. Has a lot of little ticks like blinking rapidly, scrunching his nose etc. He’s actually a bit selfconscious and doesn’t like it very much when others tease him. Other than that he’s a fun and bright dude. Can sign, rap AND dance wow. I think his dancing impregnates at least 10 (un)fortunate ladies a day. Also he can cook really well and is said to be one of the members that cleans the most.

As for looks… Well he most certainly has them holy crap. He’s what we call in Dutch: a Mooiboy. (A pretty boy), which is a look I usually hate but he pulls it off so well and he’s adorable so oops. Anyhow, the inner corners of his eyes are curled inwards really sharply it’s beautiful and then the outer corners are curled outwards really sharply and it’s just so beautiful? Has pretty thick eyebrows and cute little ears. HIS SKIN IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING I HAVE (N)EVER SEEN SERIOUSLY IT IS GLOWING AND WARM AND HOLY SHIT I CAN’T PUT IT INTO WORDS okay just wanted to make that clear let’s move on. The bridge of his nose is relatively broad but his nostrils are all round and cute. Heartshaped uppper lip, tiny bottom lip. His teeth are a little crooked and it’s a nice contrast to all the perfect lines in his entire face and body and he has these cute little pointy canines? Broad neck and is probably the most buff out of all the boys (though Minghao and Jun have crazy muscles as well they’re a lot lankier built) and he’s the tallest. In short: if looks could kill he would’ve wiped out half the universe.

Wonwoo

[© PROOFER [☆]]

Wow I’m so predictable putting these two together aren’t I? Boy I don’t even know where to begin with him. He’s so ??? He’s everything. Anyway. People always describe him as the emo, wanting-to-die-kid because when his face is blank he looks like he’s about to murder you in cold blood, and to be honest I think that’s a bit tasteless because he’s a very bright and happy bub, He’s very playful and likes to mess around (especially with Soonyoung and Mingyu). I don’t think he gets to do it often but he likes lazing around and spacing out. A gamer. Very introverted but has become a lot better at expressing his feelings (partly through rap, partly to other members. seriously, he goes off when he raps). He can be a bit obnoxious I guess, haha. He has a terrible sense of humor and makes a lot of puns. Is a bit of an awkward dad, a goofball. He loves to read and likes nature (he loves eating flowers and calls plants his children).

He is tol and smol. He’s a very skinny dude. I feel like I should make two different versions for smiley Wonwoo and straight-faced Wonwoo because they look so different? Blank-Wonwoo is ethereal and statuelike, all sharp lines and fragile bones and perfect bonestructure. He has a broad and sharp jaw, a really sharp nose and catlike eyes. His earlobes are square wtf it’s so cute? And then his lips… They’re gorgeous. They’ve got such sharp ridges and it looks a little like the corners go up a little too early? I don’t know how to describe it. Not to mention his fantastic cheekbones.

Now for smiley-Wonwoo… He’s the opposite of that. As my friend @bokdeongeori once said; a raisin. Every single tight line in his face loosens up and his eyes become a little slitted and the corners of his mouth curl up in the cutest way possible and hE HAS THE AUDACITY TO SCRUNCH HIS NOSE WHEN HE LAUGHS AND IT MAKES ME VERY ANGRY. Also he totally kills the glasses look. And by that I mean the glasses look kills me. He invented sweaterpaws. Not to mention I spotted a few hairs on his chin twice or thrice and my life is blessed.

(if i had to pick a bias it would be him, but given that’s impossible i’ll just say i have a lot of feelings for him)

Joshua

[ © Shummelier  [☆] ]

Jisoo. The lost son. Seriously, the other in vocal unit and svt always forget to include him and it makes me angry. It even makes him angry at times and that’s really saying something because he is the Gentlest Soul out there. He’s Christian and dressed up as a priest for Halloween (with Jeonghan out there like Harley Quinn) so they sometimes call him Jisoos or refer to him when someone needs said person in their life. He’s drop-dead gorgeous and is a calming presence (even when he’s not present. looking at pictures of him helps me calm my anxiety, i’m not even kidding). That being said he is very very cheeky. Is fluent in English and always helps the other members out when they’re struggling with it. He smiles a lot and generally radiates good vibes. He’s really humble but I feel like sometimes he shouldn’t let the other members barge over him so often. 

As for looks, his eyes??????? They’re everything?? They’re massive and just beautifully shaped holy shit they were made for winged eyeliner. Not to mention they’re literally always sparkling. Imagine that. Every day, every moment, sparkling with life. Has a boopy nose and a pouty upperlip it’s so cute. He has big ears! And quite a lot of piercings in them. He has the longest neck. He’s lanky and tall-ish but carries himself more like a queen than anything. Seriously, he’s really really elegant and lately he’s been dressing so well I’m quaking.

Okay so I hope you understand now why it’s impossible to choose a bias. You really really can’t when there’s thirteen boyish men like svt out there. To be honest I haven’t even tried, I’ve just divided my heart up into thirteen equal parts and mailed one to each of the members along with a love letter because I’m school like that. I hope you know a bit more now and are able to tell them apart \o/

(keep in mind that this is just my take on their idol personas. i don’t claim to know how they really are!)

(i’ll do the videos for you tomorrow nonnie!)