#and no i never finished the comic past the few pages because I have adhd and reading is hell for me

[melien]

Feels like we've lived a hundred lives before Together and then decided on one more Here on earth where everything is cruel 'Cause no one knows that this is just a school For what it's worth, I'd die with you again A hundred more times multiplied by ten I hope I'll always have you in my mind So that I know to find you every time

[morb-untamed]

Writer Interview Tag

I was tagged by @tavyliasin a pretty long time ago to do this, but I figured I'd finally get to it. Thank you so much for tagging me Lia, I'll try to answer these questions to the best of my abilities! Your interview was as delightful as it was insighting to read. I tag @miradelletarot and @likethelightfromorionabove. But no pressure to fill this at all! This text contains some descriptions of mental illness, and some pretty personal stuff. I don't get into the nitty-gritty of these subjects, but I still wanted to give a heads-up.

When did you start writing?

I cannot really put an exact date to when I started to write to be exact - as I have been imagining and writing stories for as long as I can remember. I know when I was a little child I was writing down stories even though I could barely make an interesting string of words. Unsurprisingly enough, they were about horror and fantastical creatures. So not much has changed in that regard.

Although writing has never been my #1 passion, that goes to drawing. But it has been a constant in my entire life with intervals. Before I actively started writing fanfiction I hadn't written anything creatively for over 6 years I believe! Before that I always tried to create original stories with original characters.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

This is a hard question to answer, as I have such a hard time reading in comparison to writing. I have ADHD, and either have to struggle to even attempt to finish a page in a book, or read a 500 page novel in one go. There's no in between! Although I have noticed I like to read the same themes and genres as I write about, even if it is to learn about said themes and genres and how to write them. I do have a whole collection of books, but they're mostly about art, art history, plants, nature, flowers, and some comics. Other than that I really like to get more into Warhammer 40k novels, mostly because I really like dark fantasy/sci-fi. I also really want to read more fantasy erotica books, horror (gore, paranormal, and anything that sends chills down my spine), and anything about real life mysteries!

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

Sometimes I say that the things I want to write about are far above my actual writing skills. This rings true for this question as well - as many of my writing friends know, English isn't my native language even though that's the language I write my stories in. I feel like I am far better at conveying my thoughts and emotions into writing in the English language rather than Dutch (and I think it's kinda cringy to write fanfiction in my native tongue to be honest). But this does mean my vocabulary can be lacking any diverse words at times, and grammar can be confusing at times. Thankfully I have a space where people want to help me out, and that thesaurus.com is free.

With that being said, I don't really aim to emulate any other writers. I have come across some amazing writers who post on AO3 who inspire me, but for now I'd like to hone my writing skills and see where my style takes me.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

I have my own 'work' room in my home I used to write from, but ever since busting my knee even further last May I have found myself to be far more comfortable on the couch so I can keep my leg straight. It also happens to be the calmest place during the times I tend to write the most - which ranges from 8 pm to the early morning hours. But for my own sake I try to not keep it as late as I used to the past few months. Mainly because I don't want to mess up my biological clock too much while I'm stuck at home healing from surgery as of right now.

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

It really depends on my mood, what's happening in my personal life, and how inspired I feel at the same time. I always try to make myself as comfortable as I can, and tend to my needs first; am I too hot? Too cold? Do I have coffee, am I hydrated enough, and aren't there too many distractions around me? Sometimes, when I really want to write but feel like I can't I sometimes take my ADHD medication which does the trick. But I only take it if I am sure I feel good both mentally and physically as it can have averse effects if I don't.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

Trauma, angst, inner conflict, and even more trauma! Trauma comes in many forms, expressions, and manifestations. And I am not surprised at all I am writing about it. I am surprised about how much catharsis I experience from writing it, and how often I ended up writing about these themes. You might not be shocked to read that I suffer from C-PTSD and anxiety with some depression on the side. I have dealt with mental illness and traumatic events for most of my life, and it feels like I have some form of control and acceptance if I write about them in my own writing, especially in my fanfiction. With that being said, I have never really written my own specific traumatic events into my writing as that's a bit too much. But they often fall in the same themes, like SA, physical and emotional abuse from family, witnessing horrible events, self-destruction, manipulation, and having to make awful decisions in order to protect yourself. I relate heavily to them, and in some ways it gives me some closure.

What is your reason for writing?

The biggest reason is that I felt this growing need and compulsion to write something specifically I wanted to read about. I have always written for myself, and will continue to do so. This rings especially true for fanfiction, which is also a reclamation for my own wants and needs. I have always wanted to write fanfiction, but for the longest time it was labeled as cringe and stupid in the circles I found myself in. I was so shy and embarrassed of what I wanted to write (and draw) about, so I have never truly been active in a fandom. I was a lurker at most, too scared to show where my imagination and creativity takes me about certain characters - let alone about my own OC's. But thankfully I grew far more comfortable in that ever since stepping foot in the BG3 community, where your OC is literally a part of the story if you want them to be! I remember @tavyliasin and some others literally had to beg me to link them to Weeping Willow as I was so scared of judgement even though I very well know they wouldn't ever make fun of me. Ever since then I have become what one might describe as unhinged in a sense. I have reclaimed being cringe, and happily yap about my oc's, canon characters, in any smutty, angsty and dumb scenario I can come up with. I am not hurting anyone, and I am having fun. And that's what's most important.

But I do admit I still sometimes struggle with the embarrassment of writing fanfiction. I still sometimes get laughed at by friends outside of the internet when I tell them about it, along with being made fun of because of it. But I try to stand my ground, always saying that they can laugh what they want, and rather make them feel weird for making fun of me having fun. It is still a process, but it is a part of reclaiming my love for myself and thus claiming space for myself.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

Honestly? My work doesn't get that much attention at all, so when it does I am beyond elated and often screenshot and save any comments I get on AO3, discord, or tumblr to look back on. But I especially love any comments from readers who are as unhinged about my writing as I am - give me all the caps lock and keysmashing!!

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

Like I said before, I don't have a lot of readers. But I do hope that those who do actively read my work think "Wow, this person really cares about the characters they write about.". I want them to remember me by my passion, weather that's from a heartbreaking scenario, an insanely detailed smut chapter, or something that sparks fire of anger within them as they read about it. That despite my shortcomings in language and ability to describe what I see in my head, they see the love and effort I put into it.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Like I mentioned in the previous question, I truly believe my passion for wanting to put the images I have floating in my head into words to share it with others is what I think is my greatest strength. I never really try to leave anything for the imagination. Aside from that, I think my other strength is that I try no matter my shortcomings. I have heard before that I am very much persevering when it comes to my goals.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

While I always try to keep in mind what a potential reader might like to read, I usually stick to what I want to read about. As I mentioned before, I started writing again for me, and to reclaim it as a form of self-love.

How do you feel about your own writing?

Honestly? I often feel like I suck at writing, no matter the love I put into it. Even though I know I have improved massively (sometimes I reread the very first chapter of Weeping Willow to see how far I've come), I never feel good enough. I am aware that that's because I'm insanely critical of myself to a torturous degree - something I have to overcome as well. I often feel like I "might as well not do it if I am not the best at something" knowing very well I am never going to be the best at anything as that's not how the world works. But that takes me back that I'm doing this for myself, not for a prestigious title, an award, or recognition from those at the top in this field of writing. Although I do admit I love any validation I get. But reminding myself that I'm doing this for myself, that there is no repercussions if I quit except for regret and that same need to realise my stories into actualisation that made me write in the first place. So I have to keep going, so I won't drive myself crazy with the sense of unfulfilment.

Thank you so much for reading if you've come this far, I feel like these questions were very much needed to remind myself why I'm writing and received motivation to get over any blockades I have as of now. So sad I'm too tired to write right now though :')

[transmandrake]

Having a lot of thoughts. I know for a fact I'm autistic, no doubt about that, but I'm starting to think I have ADHD now perhaps.

This was never an issue before but I absolutely cannot stop walking around and switching tasks. I have 2 very interesting books on the counters of the kitchen that I'm literally reading a page of then continuing to walk in circles. I drew some stuff this morning in the middle of this, very fun and good but I have to move. I wanted to play a bit of Hades the past few days and even though its very fun even that isn't stopping me from repeatedly walking around, even 'til my legs hurt.

I've been describing this as 'oh, I have to walk around for a few hours in the morning before I can sit down and work' but now even hours isn't wearing me out. Hell, being worn out isn't getting me to sit. I'm musing on getting a standing desk which would be nice anyway but that's not a solution if the problem is that I can't... focus.

It is a problem I have. I can't write, even if I know something. I don't know how I passed English, I barely gave in any work. Part of why I make a comic and not a book. Even when I write a line my brain feels like a magnet repelling from the page, not even in an unpleasant way, I just have to get up. Then come back... oh, where was I, figure out what I was previously writing, get up again because that took effort and time... it goes nowhere. I have to ride a bout of focus or bust. I can't even rely on deadline panic, I only panic AFTER the deadline. WHY!

Its an absurd thought but. What if I've always been like this and its only now becoming a problem now we've 'fixed' my periods? What if the only reason I was so good at sitting down and doing stuff is because I didnt have the energy to move? I mean, the writings always been a problem but now everything feels like writing. ...Have I just been losing pints of blood every month for so long that I convinced myself I'm a naturally sessile and dormant person? I've never felt this good and alive my entire life yet ironically I've never been this unproductive!

Not to mention, I do crave carbs and sugar, and do on occasion find drinking cola to focus me. But I also get quite a hype off both (even the carbs. Ever get super pumped eating some toast? Just me?) so I'm not sure if that's a clue or not. I will never ever try coffee No Matter How Nice It Smells so I can't take any ideas from that. If it did focus me I know I'd get addicted to it, and addiction is very. Very. Very strong. In my family. Can't risk it.

I definitely don't hyperfocus on anything though, not like how I see other people with ADHD do (All my other siblings and my mom are). On occasion I'll have a burst of focus for something but never for more than, say, a week. Usually a single day. I think that's.... 'normal'. Had incredible Spamton brainrot, drew like. 2 pages of him, and my brain said, 'okay, I'm done' and that was it, wierd as hell feeling. Literally felt the fixation lift. I never finish videogames unless they are very short because I cannot focus on them long enough. Even if the passion comes back, I restart the game, because its been ages since I last played. There are some games Ive had dozens of playthroughs in and hundreds of hours sunk, and not a single one I've gotten to the end of.

What keeps me running is definitely my special interests... there aren't many of them, but they are always there, and I can always reliably count on them for... brain occupation. I do not get bored often. My boredom comes from being unable to engage with them, not from a lack of wanting to. However they are weak and the focus off of them does not override the Walkies anymore. I still want to do them, but I can't.

Shame even an unsuccessful assessment would be so expensive... BUT if I want to reapply for disability (please... I am... not capable of typical work schedules...also free trains so I dont have pressure to learn to drive...) I need some formal diagnosis...

I still want a proper autism one (I have one already but its shit and evidently wasnt enough) but it'd be more efficient and cost effective to see about possible ADHD rather than getting a bunch of paper telling me stuff I already know.

[ckret2]

So I've been deeply pulled into the Radiosnake pairing bc of your fantastic writing! Problem is, now I have fic ideas but no knowledge of the Hazbin background. Can you tellI me where I can get more Hazbin info? I've only watched the pilot and read your stuff. I heard there were comics??

That is an excellent question anon, because right now it is really hard to get Hazbin background easily.

Okay, so, the canon info on Hazbin Hotel can be sort of sorted into four tiers, from most to least canon.

Tier 1: The Definitely Canon

There is, of course, the pilot. And then there is an Angel Dust prequel comic, only seven pages of which have been released so far. We’ve been told it’s gonna be finished and we’ve had glimpses of in-progress prequel comics for a couple other characters—most prominently Alastor’s and Charlie’s—but so far that unfinished Angel Dust comic is the only one that’s been officially released.

Finding the in-progress comic pages is... a challenge. Nobody, as far as I can tell, has been specifically collecting all of the pages we’ve seen so far. I was able to scrounge up:

Couple more Angel pages

some Alastor pages

another Alastor page

a random Alastor panel

another random Alastor panel—I’ve seen the full page of this before, Alastor goes “Hello ladies!” and they go “HELLO ALASTOR~<3″ but I can’t find the full page now

There’s a smattering more canon panels on the artist faustisse’s twitter, but I haven’t dug them all out, and some of the posts I’m gonna link in a lil bit have a glimpse of another panel.

If you haven’t already heard of Helluva Boss, I recommend looking into it as well. It’s a second series being created by the same folks, different cast of characters but set in the same version of Hell, so any canon details we learn in Helluva also apply to Hazbin.

Helluva’s pilot is here. Plus a cute music video here.

Earlier this month, during a BLM charity stream hosted by show artist Ashley Nichols—she runs regular streams under the title “HuniCast”—they released a few sneak peaks of future Helluva scenes, all compiled here.

And that’s it for canon. Two pilots, a music video, a smattering of future scenes, part of one comic, a few WIP pages/panels from other comics.

Tier 2: Pseudo-Canon

Everything else we currently know about Hazbin (and Helluva) are things that the creators have told us. Consequently, they’re all pseudo-canon—and likely subject to change in the future as the shows and comics are further developed and released. Some details that were released/described in the past have been contradicted at other times, or else radically changed by the time the pilot came out.

(For example, when Alastor was first created years and years ago as an OC with no plans for Hazbin, he was a demon deer who could shapeshift into a human shape—now he’s a demonized human with a few deer traits. And Charlie and Cherri Bomb used to look very different.)

So until and unless they make it into canon, all these pseudo-canon details are subject to change and should be taken with a grain of salt—but, they also comprise most of what we know about the characters’ backstory and the as-yet-unaired characters.

Pseudo-canon info on Hazbin is scattered mainly between two sources: the creators’ twitter accounts, and livestreams where they take questions and talk about the making of the show. If you and livestreams do not get along (my ADHD and livestreams do not get along), or if you don’t want to wade years and years back into twitter accounts to dig up every scrap of info on the characters the creators have ever mentioned, collating all the pseudo-canon info is gonna be hard. (It’s gonna be hard even if you do want to sit through the streams and dig through all their tweets.) Lots of fans, me included, depend on the absolutely heroic work of various fans who are willing and able to watch hours-long streams and collate a list of canon factoids released during the streams. I’ve reblogged as many of these posts as I’ve been able to find:

Alastor’s sound design (on twitter)

Alastor's Sound Design (post I made with screenshots of weird—but very interesting—subtitles slipped into the aforementioned video)

Sir Pentious and Cherri Bomb’s sound design

Niffty and Husk’s sound design

Charlie, Katie, and Tom’s sound design

Intro song’s sound design

Happy Hotel’s sound design

details from Faustisse (including a pic of a couple costume designs. Most of these posts come from zatyrlucy, who’s been doing a fantastic job of going stream-by-stream to get lists of details from the regular streams by Ashley Nichols and by comic artist Faustisse.)

more details from Faustisse (including a pic of the Von Eldritch family dining room)

Faustisse 3 (better look at that table)

Dollymoon’s Hazbin Hotel Facts - PART ONE (Shoutout again to dollymoon for compiling these, we’ve never spoken but I am eternally grateful for this service. Dollymoon’s posts are THE single most reliable compilation of Hazbin Hotel’s nebulous pseudo-canon facts that I have found to date, including both links to the sources and timestamps where applicable. Dollymoon’s URL has changed since making this post so the “read more” link doesn’t work but the “source” or “reblogged from” links direct correctly to the new blog. Incidentally, the risk of other blog creators deleting their blogs/posts or changing their URLs is why in info posts like these, I always link to my own reblogs rather than their original posts—their original posts might vanish without warning, but I know I ain’t gonna delete my posts, so these links will still work in the future.)

Hazbin Hotel Facts - PART TWO

Hazbin Hotel Facts - PART THREE

Faustisse 4

HuniCast - Australian Wildlife Relief charity stream

I think this was a faustisse stream (the original source deleted these posts, so the comic pages that were originally behind that read more cut are now gone.)

Faustisse stream 6?

And those are all the masterposts of factoids I’ve managed to collect. If anyone has more masterposts, chuck ‘em at me.

Even this isn’t all the knowledge that’s been released about the show. The posts that dig the farthest back are Dollymoon’s, and even they don’t comprehensively cover all of Hazbin’s production. A couple of these characters, Vivziepop created as a teenager, so there’s some truly ancient concept art floating around out there that will have details that probably aren’t canon anymore... but might still be until something happens to actively contradict them.

Tier 3: The Wiki

The wiki is kind of an absolute mess. It’s a chaotic blend of things actually seen in the pilots/comic, things mentioned at some point in some stream somewhere, and wild fan speculation based on what they headcanon as plausible based on the above, all mixed together with very little indication for which is canon, pseudo-canon, fanon, or speculation. Most of the statements on the wiki don’t have citations.

(And, on top of that, half the main characters’ info gets split up into separate tabs instead of just having a normal-ass wiki page, AND their image galleries are on COMPLETELY SEPARATE pages that are linked to in one of the tabs, and the most important characters all have TWO SEPARATE GALLERIES. Which doesn’t have anything to do with the quality of the facts hidden underneath those tabs, but nevertheless drives me up the wall.)

Some things on the wiki were added according to info released so long ago it’s probably changed by now. Some are possibilities that got reported as facts. Other things on the wiki have unambiguously changed, or else are just flat-out incorrect. (For instance, at this moment Alastor’s page still lists him as an overlord, even though it's been confirmed that Alastor is not an overlord despite his power level because he isn’t interested in and didn’t pursue that position, per this stream. For a little bit, somebody’s fanart of their headcanon human Alastor got added to the wiki as concept art.)

tl;dr: the wiki should never be trusted as a primary source. The wiki’s better than it used to be. Even so, at this time, it’s only trustworthy to fill in the gaps of what you already know is true from other, better sources.

The thing it’s good at is it more or less compiles all the known info all in one place. Trying to figure out who the hell this Vox guy is is really hard if you’re reading for mentions of him in compilations of a dozen different streams, much less if you’re trying to comb through those dozen streams yourself, plus a dozen more, plus three different artists’ twitters. In comparison, it’s really easy to, say, just go look at Vox’s wiki page, where all the trivia is compiled. (And Vox’s page is actually one of the better cited on the wiki. Look at all those numbers!)

So, if you need to find out who this character is you’ve never heard of before, if you want to see a full list of the thus far named characters, if you don’t remember whether Alastor likes coffee or tea, if you want to know what Angel’s twin sister looks like, if you need a reminder of Sir Pentious’s death year... check the wiki. It’s an okay starting point.

But, if you see a “fact” on the wiki that you yourself don’t remember from straight out of the pilot, and it doesn’t have a citation that links to a tweet or a stream... regard it suspiciously. And do not trust it unquestioningly as fact until and unless you have seen the source.

Tier 4: Noncanon Creator Shitposting

I’ve mentioned Ashley’s HuniCast streams a couple times. The biggest draw of them is that she usually gets several of the voice actors in the streams, where they’ll happily say nonsense in their character voices. For the most part, they’re not sharing any actual canon info they’ve been given on their characters, just goofing around pretending to be their characters. Nevertheless, a lot of the things that happen in streams get accepted as broad fandom headcanons, like Alastor being into dad jokes. (My favorite, for obvious reasons, is this one.)

It’s easy to find the source audio for all this wonderful nonsense by searching youtube for “HuniCast highlights,” and then rummaging around for animatics people make out of the audio. The only one noncanon video of this sort I can think of that didn’t originally come from HuniCast is a lone one from Alastor’s singing voice (who’s a different voice actor than his speaking voice).

So, obviously, none of these are canon. But they do come from some of the people actually involved in the creation of the show, and they are in the characters’ canon voices, so a whole lot of people treat them as semi-canon anyway. (Even the wiki lists “dad jokes” among Alastor’s likes, which to my knowledge hasn’t come up anywhere except for HuniCast streams.) Since they’re so broadly-known, they’re worth knowing about as important sources of fanon, even if you don’t want to adopt them into your own headcanons. They’re basically the same level of canon as blooper reels.

[theghostwiththeglitch]

In a few days, or hours i will disappear complety from Tumblr and probably comeback the next year. 

ADHD, deficit of attention and hiperactivity. If i want to improve this year, i have to take off distractions and Tumblr is one of them, a big one. Even with a pill is difficult to concentrate sometimes and i need to focus in my studies. I don´t know how to separate this type of things, don´t know how to administrate time (i don´t have even an impression of time). When i´m with one thing is only that thing. Is just very difficult. The other reason, a second pill that transform me in a machine, no feels, no expressions in the face, nothing. That pills improves all the deficits, makes me focus 24/7 without breaks, i´ve never even have breaks. These situations, in general, makes that i don´t want to talk to anyone, if someone talks me, it provokes me a lot of anxiety, bother me, and for that i prefered to be quiet. I don´t want any type of problem. In teh bottom i don´t like to talk about this but i think that is necesary because, despite having a lot of blogs about ADHD, the feeling and consequences behind are important too, i mean, is not just attention, impulses, distractions, or anythng that are more psychiatric, there is other part that is more psycologic that wraps everything around and when i say everything, is everything. For a better understood, writters about Bluepulse, when you write about Bart past in the post apocalyptic future? When you write him when his character breaks and is like a different person? Thats what im trying to say.

That means that im not going to be able to finish the comic, i feel really bad for that, i was very euphoric with it, so i´ll post the first pages, when? i don´t know. But sure that no one will notice or “miss me”, so that´s okey, im used to it, sad but true.

Im truthfully sorry. Thanks for all the patience with me 🖤

[mcrmadness]

I don’t understand it why all professionals think that staying at home 24/7 it worse for one’s mental health than having to work 8h/day and 5days/week. (At some point I was doing 6 days a week actually.)

I mean, I told my therapist today that sometimes I get so tired from just visiting my parents 2-3 days a week that I can’t get much anything done. And she then asked if I remember how it was for me when I was still working, and she thought it sounded like I’m running out of energy a lot more when I don’t work than when I did work. But I told her that I do remember what it was like when I was still working - I could not do anything at all at home. I was just watching TV or staring at my computer screen and fighting back my body’s urge to fall asleep while sitting on a sofa or in my computer chair. And that really does suck. (Partially the tiredness came from the fact I always stayed up too late because I felt that 8h of free time was no enough for resetting my brain and when I couldn’t make the work days shorter, the only option was to take hours from sleeping. My average day is longer than 24 hours and does not fit the normal 7 days in a week system.)

Literally when I was still working, I never created anything. I had the urge to create but I was always so tired and exhausted that I didn’t even have time to think anything before falling asleep. I’d just pass out the second I put my head on the pillow. I never drew, I never wrote a fanfiction, I pretty much created just one video per YEAR and only because I had what, 2-3 weeks off during summer and started and finished the video during those weeks. Sometimes I worked on a video for years because I started it one year and then went back to work and school and had no time nor energy for it until the next longer holiday (usually summer).

What comes to drawing, I kinda stopped drawing (and also writing) somewhere in 2012. In 2013 I drew a few new things when I quit antidepressants and had just so many kinda dark thoughts in my head and my brain chemicals were still so fucked up I suddenly was able to draw random things, but then it stopped again. Mainly because I started work and school in 2014 and I didn’t draw again until I was done with both in November 2018. Since then I have been just at home and it’s been... awesome. I mean, I still struggle with starting things, even things I like, but at least I still have created things. I have made 3-4 videos, 5 fanart comics, 9 other fanart drawings with my comic style, finished 1 pencil fanart drawing and on top of that all: 9 self-comics. All in just a span of 2 years which is INSANE, especially for my inattentive adhd. And currently I have 3 more fanart comic plots/plans and 6 self-comic ideas in my sketchbook, one unfinished pencil WIP and have been kinda planning on two more pencil drawings. Oh and I have also written over 30 pages of my never-released fanfiction and I have an endless list of “fanfic ideas” in my head because that’s what I keep thinking about every night when I go to sleep because I just have to think about something in order to fall asleep.

So, me getting tired from just meeting people is not worse than me never being able to create because work makes me so exhausted. I think I was permanently so exhausted I just didn’t feel it anymore. I had no free time. After work I was fighting against my body falling asleep and on weekend I visited my parents (or was working) so there literally was no full free days. All I needed was to have a day when I don’t need to go to ANYWHERE but I couldn’t do that because, well, work and I wanted to meet with my parents every now and then too. Since I don’t have friends so it’s good to have at least some sort of socializing - I’m still a social animal even when I’m mainly introverted.

I think my problem is that when I have work and have a structure in my days, I can never create because I have no energy, and the limited time makes it even harder to start anything. Because I already had to do all these other things like house chores and cooking, or showering. Which is why I basically never cleaned here, apart from taking out the trash and doing the dishes.

But now as I have nothing but time, I have so much time it’s so easy to procrastinate because I can always do everything tomorrow. That’s how days and weeks and months go past so fast. I keep planning on how I want to draw or write or edit a video or play a video game asap but because I have all the time in the world, I have no deadlines and I have no pressure, I just never get to that. Until on that one day when the inspiration hits so hard it brings motivation with it and I just start creating something out of blue. Usually I cannot sit down and think “now I start drawing” - if I don’t feel it 100%, I can’t concentrate on it and I will just get more frustrated than excited. This is why I hated school assignments - even when all that was interesting! - because the deadline was never lining up with my motivation and when I forced myself to start writing a paper, I spent the first hours online complaining everywhere how I can’t focus and I was so frustrated and had several sensory overloads from my own skin, muscles and bones because I knew I had to focus and I always get so self-conscious that I have sensory overloads from my own body. Actually now I remember one time from when I was a teenager and still living with my parents and I wanted to draw something so bad but I couldn’t come up with anything and the next thing I know was that I found myself from arranging my mom’s bookshelf because even cleaning is fun when it’s not the priority.

I’m not sure what I’m trying to say here. I think I kinda just lost the plot. It’s just that time management is hard because there’s always too little and too much of it simultaneously.

[cantfakethecake]

Ask meme!

I was tagged by @klickitats to do this...probably about a week ago? Oops. Really though, thank you so much for the tag!

The usual rules: Answer the questions and tag nine people to do the same. 

How old are you?

25

Current job?

Full-time student, for the time being. I had to quit my job at the library a few months back because it clashed with my field work schedule. Said fieldwork fell through thanks to a few kind-of-shady things I won’t get into here, so I’m stuck in get-a-job limbo until I’m assigned a new placement.

What are you talented at?

It’s silly, but I’m great at alphabetizing things? Give me any word, and I can alphabetize the letters in it on the spot. I also have a great memory for tiny personal details - which is great, until I come off as creepy for remembering something someone told me offhandedly two years ago. I can bake like a champ as long as I have a recipe handy. I also tested with a 143 verbal IQ while going through an ADHD evaluation? It hasn’t been useful for much beyond bullshitting papers at light speed, but I’ll include it as long as I’m feeling a little braggy!

What is a big goal you are working towards?

Beyond graduation and a vague “being able to financially support myself”? No idea. I switched my focus/major from “mental health and addiction” to “community/social justice” just a few weeks ago, and this early on? Most of my hopes for future jobs are less “goals” and more “prayers.” If it’s even a little bit less miserably boring than the jobs I’ve had in the past, I’ll take it!

What’s your aesthetic?

Jeans and plaid (usually with Toms), dogs, fresh-baked bread, comic books, coffee mixed with hot chocolate, half-finished coloring book pages, fidget toys.

Do you collect anything?

Not really? Moving from a decent-sized apartment back to my tiny childhood bedroom has made me pretty strict about getting rid of things I don’t absolutely love. I’d rather have a lot of small, unrelated things than one massive collection that takes up my limited space!

(I do have way, way too many books and coffee mugs, but that’s less about collecting and more about Half Price Books being where impulse control goes to die.)

A topic you always talk about?

I mean, right now I get to be a pretentious grad student and get philosophical about social justice issues every day. Other than that, though? Crown me Shit Queen of Garbage Town, but I’m the biggest fucking gossip. I’m always, always here to listen to people rant. I don’t care who we’re talking about. A shared coworker? Your second cousin who I’ll never meet in my lifetime? Don’t care. Just hook up that social IV and start pumping in some Grade-A Salt. (That’s the worst sentence I’ve ever written, and I’m almost sorry.)

Pet peeves?

That thing where you drop a credit card on a smooth surface and you can’t quite get your fingers under it to pick it back up again. I may have been frustrated by this nearly to the point of tears a week or two ago.

Good advice?

Following the lead of everyone else I’ve seen answering this, and directing this at younger-Betsy:

You are not broken. You have a super-fun combo of ADHD and severe anxiety. Prozac is your friend. Talk to someone - maybe sometime before you’re nearly 18? The view from 25 is great, but I’d love to not still be learning some of the social stuff most people figured out in high school.

Your preferences are not shortcomings. Not going to school dances is a valid choice, and you’re not missing out on some universal milestone by staying home. You’re missing a night where you leave homecoming after one hour, because the blaring music and mass of dancing people put you into sensory overload and you started crying in the bathroom. Branching out is good - but in order for it to go well, you need to respect your own likes and limitations. Don’t let people shame you into doing something that hurts.

Don’t stick that packing peanut up your nose. Really, don’t. It’s going to get stuck, and you’re going to hear about it at every holiday dinner for the rest of your life.

On a similar note: You’re three years old, and you’re at a birthday party. You want a piece of cake. I get it. But you also just watched a neighbor kid shove a bunch of those metallic confetti stars into the cake. Don’t eat it. I know - a bunch of kids are already eating, and they’re doing just fine. This is your first chance to learn that the odds are never, ever in your favor. You’re going to swallow a confetti star and choke on it. I promise. Don’t do it. You don’t even like cake.

You do not want a baby. I repeat: YOU DO NOT WANT A BABY. You like the idea of shopping for tiny outfits and picking out names and those half-asleep cuddles you get to enjoy when you’re babysitting. You’re sixteen. You don’t want to commit yourself to years of giving one human being your complete and undivided attention without a break. You don’t even like playing with your DOG for more than 20 minutes at a time. Like, thankfully you’re Ohio’s Least Datable Teen, because holy shit. 25 year old Betsy really likes not being a parent.

“Hi. Do you like Sonic Adventure 2 Battle?” is not an acceptable conversation starter. That is not how you make friends in a middle school class full of strangers. Alternatives include: Anything else. Literally anything else.

You are not set in stone. The world’s perception of you is one of the most malleable things you’ll ever handle. Fake it ‘til you make it, and keep trying when you fuck up - because you’re the only one who’s going to remember that one time you said something colossally stupid. (I mean, you’re going to remember it forever and ever and ever, and still physically cringe when you remember it out of the blue ten years later - but no one else gives a shit! Really! It’s only half bad, and the payoff is so worth it.)

Recommend three songs?

Oh god, I’m awful about getting into new songs. I tend to find a new artist once or twice a year, and listen to them on repeat for a few months. I was getting a bit better about listening to new things on my drive to school - aaand then my car’s stereo died. Nice. My picks are old, and I think I’ve probably recommended them at least five times each by now, but I’ll go with...

Tomorrow is Mine, from Bayonetta 2. My problematic favorite game series forever and always - but god, the music’s catchy.

Tomorrow is a Latter Day, from The Book of Mormon. 

...I’m struggling to come up with a 3rd, so I’m going to fall to the embarrassing garbage that’s actually been stuck in my head for days now. Enjoy.

Tagging: @alistairswaifu, @blondepomeranian, @bronwinning, @dragginage, @theherocomplex, @truck-shepard, and anyone else who wants to do this! I know everyone says that, but I really do mean it. I’m nosy as shit. I’d genuinely love to see it!

[templeofgeek]

We interviewed Bo Bergemann… Bo’s amazing talent to make life like dolls is simply AMAZING. We were first drawn in by her amazing Wonder Woman doll then the realism of all her creations took over.  You may have missed her at WonderCon this year but please check out her website and her panel at SDCC 2018!

Q. Your art is obviously very different… when and how did you realize you had a talent for making dolls?

A. That is is very long story.  But in brief, I have always been artistic and creative.  I love all kinds of ‘making’.  At age 9, one Christmas, I decided I wanted to make Santa and his sled and reindeer.  I only had sticks, twigs, some glue, bobby pins, old newspaper paper, and cotton and I made Santa and his reindeer so well people kept asking my mother where she bought it.  All just on a whim one Saturday afternoon.

For 15 years I took care of Hawaii’s most medically fragile foster babies.  When the first one was reunited with her extended birth family it was very hard to let go, so I made a doll to remember her by.  It was a sort of self help therapy as much of my art has always been for me.  This began a tradition of making a doll of each foster baby after they left.  It took intense focus which helped me not fall apart.  By the time I stopped taking in foster babies, I had a beloved hobby which my quest for excellence had lead me to become very good at.  Then once I lost that truly rewarding and purpose filled life.  The only thing that pulled at my passion enough to consider doing next was making dolls.  My family agreed and I gave it a try professionally.  Won a bunch of awards and magazine covers very quickly, so my new career was born.

There is nothing quite like the feeling I get when I finish a fine art doll and take photos.  Often when I’m editing and promoting, I think, “Wow!  Did I really make that?”  I like to have something I can point to that is real, in the physical realms, and know I did that.  I paint, do photography and handcraft all kinds of stuff all the time.  I always have.  I love making dolls because I can actually use all of these skillsets and many more in each project.  That way I never get bored, I just switch to a new technique or start work on another project!  I often have several projects at different stages going at any given time.

My art is always rooted in my life.  I love people.  Faces fascinate me.  Personality shining through in body language is also fabulous fun.  Being able to portray both in my art adds to my enjoyment and for me, enjoying the process is everything~! Whether I’m shooting for a Real look, fairy-tale, sci-fi or surreal, I can do so much to flesh it all out in my interactive 3D fine art dolls that is just not possible in 2 dimensions.

Once A Wicked Queen by Bo Bergemann

Cinderella by Bo Bergemann

Sassafrass by Bo Bergemann

Q.   Your creations have an insane amount of detail and look life like… how long does each doll take and are they based on real people?

A. My original fine art dolls all start with me dreaming and imagining.  Some are inspired by something I see.  For example a movie, like with my Anne – The Trapeze Artist from The Greatest Showman.  The movie inspired two dolls actually.  But I did not sculpt Zendaya or anything. It was just serendipitous that I happened to have my newest sculpt ready who looks a lot like her as portrayed in the movie. I had these sculpts already and used two different sculpts.  But the pieces are about an artistic vision of beauty.  For me both pieces were about passion.  The first is about dreaming big and reaching for those dreams against all odds. The second is about loving beyond all barriers.  Both are concepts I believe in.  Part of the reason I loved the movie and it inspired me to make these two dolls.

As to timeline.  I’ve never figured that out, sort of on purpose.   It would probably depress me to figure out I earn like 20 cents an hour.  Or I may actually even lose money if I divided the prices I charge by the hours in.  I tend to price by actual expense of parts and product in as well as the last few weeks worth of work hours in along with what I asses as the value of the doll. Or I just price by what I know it will actually sell for in a reasonable amount of time.  But, like I said, I’ve never figured out ALL the hours I actually have in. So, what I don’t know can’t hurt me.

I can say that I sculpt the originals in clay, sometimes piece by piece and other times in whole then cut up and joint and fine tune.  Once all the engineering is figured out so the doll will take many poses and balance well, then everything is sanded smooth.  After which, I make silicon molds of every little piece. The average doll has 24 pieces to her ball jointed body.  Each piece is cast in resin, then strung up.  The whole doll is painted and costuming can begin.  Although if I already have a similar or same size body, I often work on costuming before making the actual doll.  Some costumes take as much effort as making a doll body & face.  Others much less.  But sewing and crafting everything (costume wise) in such small scale is far more difficult than making clothing, shoes and wigs for humans.  Thankfully the way I work is on inspiration not coffee but with passion pumping through my veins.  I avoid deadlines and just enjoy creating about half the time. Then usually the next show, convention, event or article comes along to put some kind of deadline out there that I must aspire to by which point I have several projects at least halfway done and some near done.  I’m a crammer by nature since school days.  So, then with a goal deadline in sight, I cram to finish the top several projects I’m working on in time.  Since my art tends to grow out of stuff going on in my life, I usually have several works in progress on a cohesive theme, that then becomes my theme for that show or event.  Sometimes when I’m really into it, the theme can last for a whole year’s collection like my 2018 collection which just recently debuted at WonderCon: Fangirl Fine Art Dolls.

Q.   You have some dolls based on Wonder Woman or Belle… can we expect others?

A. Yes, I’ve recently moved part time to CA for my daughter’s sake.  She is deaf and attending a special high school in Northern California.  Since my life always shows up in my art, Fangirl Fine Art Dolls has become my theme for 2018.  I was a Comic-Con San Diego panelist the past 4 years running and that has been inspiring at least a couple original fine art dolls on pop culture fan culture themes these past few years.  This year, spending even more time here in CA, the inspiration has grown out of control!  My daughter, Bree and I love Cali and everything that goes with it.  My whole family have always been huge Star Wars, Marvel, Disney and so much more I’d needed pages to list it all, fans.  So, the possibilities really are endless.  I feel like I have ADHD as I jump from this to that amidst the sea of inspiration in the fan & pop culture realms!

Wonder Woman by Bo Bergemann

Beauty by Bo Bergemann

Rapunzel by Bo Bergemann

Q.   What’s your creative process?  Do you go see a movie and then fall in love with a character and get to work? or do you just sit down and let it come to you? or both?

A. I actually dream and think a lot.  Mull things over.  Think through tiny details long before I ever try anything.  I tend toward perfectionism so I tend to think it all through inside out and back again on some level before starting.  Sometimes for years before siting down to begin an attempt. Other times I’m just soooo excited and passionate I just dive in headfirst.  Wonder Woman I wanted to do for 4 years and it took seeing the movie and absolutely loving it for me to actually begin.  Sometimes when my theme is not fangirl oriented as it is now, some dolls are ones I just start making and see where I’m lead step by step.  Some of my best work has resulted from this process.  A good example is Sassafrass, a fairy with tons of personality to go with her huge asymmetrical ears.

Q.  Is it hard for you to sell your art?  You’ve spent so much time working on one doll is it heartbreaking to see it go?

A. Yes!  My newest work is always my current favorite. So putting any price on his or her head is always difficult.  But then, I also want to get to work on “what’s next” as I have 10 ideas for every one I find time or money to invest in actually creating.  So, that momentum pushes me forward.  When my stock ready to ship is low, and business is brisk, I often have one favorite or another I’ve been holding back that my desire to move on to the next project will push me toward offering at that time.

Queen Elizabeth by Bo Bergemann

Malia Loves Minnie by Bo Bergemann

Steampunk Tink from my Twisted Tinks Collection by Bo Bergemann

Q.  What advice would you give to young artists?

A. Create what YOU love!  Everyone will have their own ideas and many will tell you they want this or that.  But, your best work will always be what you are most inspired to work on.  And every doll I’ve ever made has found someone else who loved it enough to pay me good money for it.  Some take a little longer to sell than others, but eventually, they all sell.  It’s just a matter of time until the right person sees the doll and buys it, sometimes.  Usually my favorites end up winning awards and magazine covers too.  Other than that, take your time and enjoy the process.  I love what I do and THAT is half the reward!

Q.  Have you ever wanted to venture out into other mediums?

A. I have actually painted in every medium, done photography, created dolls in paper mâché, porcelain, paper clay and do digital artwork.  Recently, I’ve begun messing around with digital sculpting too.  I’m not sure there is a medium I have not tried.  Each foray elsewhere leads me back here.  Usually with something or another grown or improved in my techniques, abilities or a new artisanal skill to add to my arsenal.  Like I said I seek perfection so striving for excellence and persistent growth are inherent to who I am.  At the same time, sometimes further experimentation leads me elsewhere for a bit as well.  I’m currently working on a very special project inspired by the HI-CA connection Bree and I have felt this past year.  I’ve created a character who is the personification of this connection inspired by our experiences.  His name is Rainbow Bair, and he is sort the “the super hero within” us all.  I’m working on turning his story into a beautiful children’s book now and creating a plush line based on him.

Modern Doll Collector’s Convention Bo Bergemann Snow White Event Doll

Sassafrass by Bo Bergemann

ReWrite the Stars by Bo Bergemann

Q.  Is it hard to get work done when the Hawaii North Shore beach is right outside your doorstep?

A. Well, I have lived with the beach right outside most of my life, so not really.  In fact, the beach has often inspired me to work, or recharged my battery. I love natural beauty as much as I love creating art.  Sadly we do not go to the beach often enough.  My husband still plays with trucks and I still play with dolls making us both still children at heart.  But, on the other hand, we are also both always working.  Both very passionate about what we do. I sometimes tease him saying we really should move to Hawaii so we can go to the beach more often!   However, when you are able to earn a living doing what you love, it makes working easier wherever you are and I am grateful.

Q.  What do you love/hate about cons?

A. I love seeing other people’s creativity. I love meeting my collectors in person. I love the excitement and feedback I get from my collectors and fans.  I love seeing the costumes at Comic-Con and WonderCon.  I work in peace and solitude a lot.  So, it’s a wonderful change of pace to be amidst the hustle and bustle of a crowd. Finally, I really do love people which is at the root of the fact I make dolls.  So, people watching is always something I’ve enjoyed.  I don’t like the packing, airport security, the quick setup or tear down, standing on my feet all day . . .  Who does?

Q.  Where can our readers find you next?

A. I just got back from WonderCon where I debuted my brand new collection: Fangirl Fine Art Dolls by Bo Bergemann, at the Anaheim Convention Center March 22-26, 2018.  Anyone can always find me online at BoBergemann.com or http://www.BoBergemann.gallery anytime as well as on Instagram and FB under Bo Bergemann.   I will be a panelist again at Comic-Con San Diego 2018 this July.

Steampunk Tink from my Twisted Tinks Collection by Bo Bergemann

Modern Doll Collector’s Convention Bo Bergemann Snow White Event Doll

Artist spotlight with…. Bo Bergemann! We interviewed Bo Bergemann... Bo's amazing talent to make life like dolls is simply AMAZING. We were first drawn in by her amazing Wonder Woman doll then the realism of all her creations took over.