#and no hard feelings if our muses end up not having chemistry and no big deal if we're still early on in interacting!

[quietlyblooms]

OKAY BUT BEFORE I GO!! what if chiyo agrees to a lil date with your muse bc she's trying to be more open and not such a scaredy cat. they're not friends prior to this ( at least, not close friends ), but things go really well anyway -- really, really well. there's more dates, and eventually she gets together with your muse, and things are just hunky dory until chiyo!! gets scared!! gets in her head!! maybe there's a trigger like your muse saying i love you first, doing some big gesture, or catching chiyo during one of her moments when she's really down. she's convinced she's not what they think she is, that they're not prepared for all the difficult stuff bc yeah, she's probably hidden it from them. she's probably held back a lot out of fear bc things were really, truly going so well.

so chiyo retreats into herself. she does what she does best and hides, disappears. however your muse reacts, it still ends the same: in a breakup. how things progress from there is up to you :)

[immobiliter]

SHIPPING INFO. Answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog.

What’s your OTP for your Muse(s)?

so i have way too many muses on this blog to really categorise every pairing that i ship for them, but i will echo ventium's answer and say that my otps are what i currently ship with my rp partners. this is particularly the case for me because, while i love a good "canon" ship ( as in, the characters actually get to interact within their canon even if you have to read romantic or sexual context into them ), a lot of the ships i write are crossover ships between two muses who would never have cause or reason to interact within their canon. that means i rarely enter into them knowing that they will have a romantic endgame, so i have no real preconceived otps as it were. i also tend to be quite picky about ships more generally speaking, it can take a lot for a ship in a tv show or book or movie to actually grab me, and i think this is because romance in general doesn't really do much for me on a personal level lmao.

What are you willing to RP when it comes to shipping?

i'm honestly up for most things, barring the obvious no-gos. although if the dynamic is more toxic in nature ( which, again, i'm not opposed to ), it does make me pickier when it comes to shipping. certain muses of mine are pretty incapable of developing romantic or sexual bonds ( or even friendships for that matter ) without a degree of toxicity or challenge involved and that therefore makes them lower priority/more selective in terms of who i would choose to ship them with.

How large does the age gap have to be to make it uncomfortable?

this is hard to answer in a general sense because it's very specific to the individual muse and ship ? as far as i am concerned, as long as it's not shipping a minor with an adult, and it is a ship that makes sense for the characters and can justify in that respect, age differences aren't a big deal. i have muses who are 18 who i would only ship with others of a similar age, i have muses who are in their 30s and may date those a lil older/younger than them, and i have muses who are hundreds of years old or immortal who fall for a human. context and the nature of the individual character is very important.

Are you selective when shipping?

yes, i am picky about what i ship and who i ship it with. there has to be chemistry not just between the two muses but between writers as well — we have to vibe well, plotting and talking behind the scenes cannot feel like a chore or like it's forced, and i'm also someone who will very rarely engage in that tumblr favoured pastime of yelling constantly in dms about ships. i like to get excited about ships and characters, i like to talk about them ( and talking about them usually does encourage me to write them ), but at my own pace. i have a lot of muses and therefore a lot of ships ( plus y'know i have a life outside of tumblr too, we all do ), so i like to know that my rp partner and i can take our time developing them, can talk in dms at our own pace with no pressure to write everything for them all the time, and that if neither of us reply to any threads or answer any memes for months at a time, we're both okay with it. i have shipping partners who i talk to most days, i have shipping partners who i send plotting walls to once every so often ( u know who u are lmao ), and i have shipping partners who i talk to about pretty much anything other than our actual ships that we write once in a blue moon lmaooo. but my point is it's all very chilled and laid back and that's how i approach everything when it comes to tumblr these days. if it takes 6+ months or 2+ years for two muses to kiss, that's all good with me! it makes the end result even more satisfying. i think for that reason, too, i prefer shipping partners who are willing to enter into that long-term commitment. if you are one of those people who will jump straight in with a ship and then move on within a few weeks to the next muse/ship, i don't think we'll mesh that well.

i will say though that usually once you pass that vibe check as a shipping partner, i am much more likely to immediately say yes if you suggest another ship to me lmao. if i know that i can ship one pairing with you, chances are i will ship all the things with you.

How far do steamy moments have to go before they’re considered NSFW?

anything that goes beyond the realms of foreplay/as soon as clothing starts to come off/when more intimate touching and kissing occurs, really. i honestly don't write smut all that often, but i will usually start to tag with a "nsfw ish" tag first to indicate that's where a thread is going before i tag something as nsfw.

Who are other muses you ship your muse with?

this varies depending on muse. i do have some characters that i have specific ships for ( though it's not something i tend to publicise on the dash ), while there are other characters that i don't even write for the purposes of shipping ( meaning that any shipping that occurs with them is either accidental or the result of extensive plotting or talking behind the scenes ).

Does one have to ask to ship with you?

yes, for the most part. i write many flirtatious characters who will shamelessly flirt with muses they come across but i never intend this to be an initiation of a ship ( and i'm sure others who write Those sorts of muses would agree ), so the best way is to simply ask me — especially if we've written them a little and you're getting that vibe. i will always endeavour to reach out to rp partners when i can feel a ship brewing or if i have an idea for one that i wish to pitch, and i encourage others to do that to me in return.

How often do you like to ship?

this is a hard question because it always depends what i'm in the mood for ? i enjoy ships, but they're not all i wish to write on tumblr dot com. i'm fortunate that with a multimuse full of all different flavours of muses, i can usually find something to satisfy that writing itch whenever it flares up lmao.

Are you multiship?

yes, in the sense that none of my active muses are really single-ship, and if i have caveats to shipping with them they're always noted on the muse's page. i don't like to limit myself to single-shipping unless the muse in question is a private one that i just write for one writing partner lmao. i also don't tend to ship with duplicates once i have found one that i click with — this is never something that i ask for anyone to reciprocate, it's just how my brain works.

Are you ship obsessed or ship more-or-less?

i'm really not ship obsessed at all lmao, hence why i consider myself pretty picky ( and the reason why i tend to have lots of different shippy dynamics ongoing is mainly because i ship multiple pairings with the same 6 or 7 people lmao ). you know what i am obsessed with though? platonic expressions of devotion. few things can truly hit me like a well developed friendship ( robin & steve from st ), or a platonic bond that transcends all attempts to define it ( neuvillette & furina ). i think tumblr sleeps on those sorts of dynamics soo much, and so when they do come along for me they end up being extra special.

What is your favorite ship in your current fandom?

honestly this may be a cop-out answer, but all of the ships that i currently have ongoing. i love them all in their own way, they all contribute something to my portrayals and to my blog and writing style and i appreciate everyone who writes a ship with me of any kind, even the platonic and familial ones.

Finally, how does one ship with you?

talk to me! i tend to prefer that our characters have interacted at least a little first, but i'm also not opposed to a pitch of two characters who you think might work well together! communication is key :')

Tagged by: @apocryphis & @delusionaid ( thank you!! ) Tagging: i've seen this go around my dash and therefore don't know who has or hasn't done this yet, so if you see this you are tagged! do the thing! tag me!!!

[infinitexmuses-archive]

Anon asked: munday no-no and yes-yes list ☠️ ✋ 💘 💞 🔍 😊 🐶 munday no-no and yes-yes list

Ohhh boy, here's a long one-

Send ☠️ for something that will result in a instant unfollow from you

This one is simple. One thing I absolutely will not stand for is guilt-tripping on the dash. If I see you posting stuff that makes people feel guilty about something, especially things they can't help, then I definitely won't stick around for it. I see people all too often hating on the dash because they don't get any interactions, or some sort of drama that's going on. Most of the time, it's people who get interactions, but they ignore most attempts, and drama that does NOT need to be brought up to other people.

I also am heavily against people who use their mental health as a guilt mechanism. It's incredibly selfish to do, and as a person who also suffers from mental health issues, I hate seeing it. Don't make people feel bad because of your mental health. It just means that perhaps a difference in how it's being treated is needed. If you really need to get it out somewhere, your RP blog isn't the place for it.

Send ✋ for a prompt/plot/concept/ anything you refuse to role play

I have actually, surprisingly, never come across anything I won't RP. So I can't offer a proper answer to this, but one thing I will mention is that I don't see what I write as reality. Just because I write something, doesn't mean I condone it. This seems to be a hard thing for people to grasp nowadays. But I do write some of the topics I do because of trauma, and it's a way to relieve it, especially when it's heavy on my mind. If you don't like something I write, please block the trigger tag, as I try to be as careful as possible about it.

Send 💘 for your policy on shipping with your muse(s)

Chemistry is one of the biggest things in regard to this. I do not write to ship. I do not write to get sexual interactions. If it leads to that, that's great! But I want chemistry in my relations for my muses. I want things to be explored for the characters in these relationships, to see how they tackle various things that can come up.

I have some ships that I like more than others, but that does NOT mean I will instantly ship. We need to interact first, to gain chemistry and see what kind of relationships our muses can have. Just because A muse is in a relationship with one version of a character, does not mean it'll end the same way between our muses. Sometimes it just doesn't click, and sometimes it does, and that's okay.

Send 💞 for your policy on pre-established relationships with your muse(s)

More often than not, this is mainly in regard to canon characters. I don't mind preestablished relations, for most types. I only really accept romantic relations after talking with the mun in question. This should be a given, but sadly it isn't anymore.

As long as it's talked about beforehand in regards to something outside of canon, I don't mind doing it. It'll take effort on both sides and once again, communication is key for this sort of thing. If you can properly communicate with me, I'm all for it.

Send 🔍 for something you look for on other’s blogs

There are a handful of things I look for, and I doubt I'll be sent anymore for this meme, so I'll answer for more than one thing here. Muse pages, rules pages, intractability status (Mutuals only, Hiatus, etc.), and mun age are big ones. These are considered common courtesy and should be on every RP blog. Sadly, it isn't, and it leads me to usually result in not following.

Are people mobile-friendly? It's more common now, but there are still people who refuse to admit to the fact that not everyone has the time to get on a computer, and there are even people who don't have one to use. However, I also just prefer to use mobile-friendly links a lot on my own laptop, if only because it's literally one of the only ways to see links on some blogs. People have them so hard to find anymore, so these quick links make it easier to see their pages.

These are the biggest ones I look for, though there are other things, too.

Send 😊 for likable quality for a role play mun to have

Communication. Please. I feel like my answers so far make that obvious.

Send  🐶 for a role play related pet peeve.

The. Grainy. Icons.

The tiny icons where you can barely even see who the character is, much less what they look like. The fact this is so common makes me question if people recall the purpose of icons. Sure, they're not needed, but I'd prefer people not use them at all to interact with me than put a heavily bordered 80 x 80 PSD heavy icon in a reply. I have bad eyesight, and even if I didn't if I can show people that icon and they can't tell what's on it while knowing the characters, then there's an issue.

Make icons great again 2024-

[triggerhappymilitant]

Can you list the romantic and/or sexual relationships with other muses and tell us something about about why are you shipping with them and how does this relationship look like? :)

I am 100% going to forget people. Mun is currently sick, so I apologize if I do. It doesn't mean I don't love our babies, it just means I'm slowly dying.

@hoodedchishiya is finally his goddamn boyfriend. This one had to be first, because this mf is the reason I created my Niragi account in the first place. Chishiya and Niragi absolutely love to antagonize each other, and even when they've done things to imply clear enough that they have deeper feelings for each other, their soft moments are still rare. However, when they are vulnerable with each other, you could just melt into the floor. These two babies have such amazing chemistry, and they're perfect for each other.

I've also got two other Nishiya ships, with @chishiya-the-cat and @chishiya-of-diamonds — Both are very undefined. With Diamonds, they've at least agreed that they're sexually attracted to each other. Cat, they haven't so much as admitted to it, as they've acted on it and keep telling themselves it's a one-time thing, but they constantly end up in each other's beds. There's an attraction there, a draw, but neither can figure out exactly what it is.

@daikichixkarube is another boyfriend. Niragi felt an immediate attraction towards meeting Karube (look, he has a thing for blonds, okay?) He was able to show the new guy around, and the flirting was pretty immediate. I think, to an extent, there's something in Karube that recognizes the part of Niragi that he wants to hide the most. Niragi has been willing to open up about the bullshit he went through with him, something I don't think he's truly been able to do with anyone else. They're very cute together, but also happy to roll around in bed together.

@aggwaseon Jihoon is a recently turned boyfriend of Niragi's. Despite the age difference, the two get along great. There's a big sexual drive there, but there are also feelings involved (having told each other they love each other.) Niragi is protective of him in a way he isn't with most; something entirely unnecessary given the age, job, and abs on Ji, but it's more of an emotional protectiveness. He wants Ji to feel nothing but happiness.

@your-sweet-cookie this man finally has a girlfriend. And we're also back to the blonds (I know, its silver/grey/etc. He likes people with very little color in his hair.) Niragi wasn't sure what to make of her at first. He always found her attractive, but he wasn't used to romance. Still, he quickly started developing feelings for her and wanted to spend all his time around her.

@yuzuhastrength While we haven't done anything with them recently, I will definitely still be adding her to my list. It's very undefined. There is an attraction there, despite their past. Niragi enjoys her company, her fiery nature, and the fact she can hold her own. And, of course, he finds her ridiculously attractive.

Not as active here on Tumblr, but I'm still shouting out @heartsking since we write a shit ton on Discord and they're my favorite person in the world. The first person I ever wrote Nishiya with - the person who watched me go from "eh, I could see it maybe being sexual" to "I will go down with this ship." And is happy to appease me for it. They're the most open with their feelings, and Niragi is a bit of a teddy bear with Chishiya. With have multiple universes, so it's hard to comment on all of them.

There are some that are sexual and/or just super blurry and undefined what they are. Again, I'll probably miss some, but some honorable mentions are @arisuthegamer (Niragi wants this man, badly. Arisu has actually admitted to having a crush, but they haven't done much with it yet.) @thebandanightmare (chaotic, sexy. Where's the "I ship it" Thor meme?) @spade-0-chan - they're flirty, unsure what's really going on with them, and I don't think they know either. @twentyfourhourtitts pretty strictly FWB. Put two attractive people with high sex drives together and boom, you've got these two. @k-y-u-m-a-clubs - Niragi adores this man endlessly. It's blurry as to what all exactly is going on with people, but Niragi enjoys his company nevertheless.

Again, I'm sorry if I missed anyone. I tried checking my following list to avoid it, but I'm sure I still probably did. You're free to yell at me.

[tealeavesandthorns]

Shipping Q's -

what’s the best thing about shipping for you? 6. do you have any ship bias with your muse? 7. what do you think about OC x canon ships? would you play any?15. what’s your OTP when it comes to your muse? 20. is there a ship you wanted to play, but couldn’t yet? 23. have you ever been pushed to ship something? 27. did you ever play a wedding? 33. what’s the first ship you played? 38. how easily does your muse get crushes? 39. does your muse have a celebrity crush?

SHIPPING QUESTIONS FOR THE MUN - SFW EDITION!

what’s the best thing about shipping for you?

It's strange really, you'd think it would be the romance, hell you'd think I'd love romance novels and such but actually adventure is where my heart lies and movies it's always been about fantasy adventure. What I love about shipping though is the journey. I love the different ways people fall in love with each other and I've rped quite a lot of them. I love going into interactions adamant about not shipping and then it just happens naturally. I think all the ships I've loved the most though have been the unexpected ones, ones I never could have seen coming in a million years. I just love writing people falling in love, I don't know why. I suppose it's an adventure of it's own in a way. Also at heart I'm a real big believer in the love conquers all thing.

6. do you have any ship bias with your muse?

TBH, I think with Maria it's absolutely one thing I've learnt not to have. She has certain tastes, and things she generally doesn't find attractive - like she'd never fall in love with anyone younger than her. But some of the ships she's had in the past have honestly just surprised me so much that I gave up any kind of bias pretty quickly I would say. I also feel with shipping it very much comes down to chemistry so there's no character (that fit her criteria) that I could see myself being like ABSOLUTELY NOT about. That being said Maria is definitely a lot more attracted to more dominant/domineering male characters. If they have the energy that they could take charge she'll be doing the 0.0 eyes.

7. what do you think about OC x canon ships? would you play any?

I play an OC so it would be pretty strange of me not to play them! I adore OC x Canon ships though and I've always written/read fanfic of them.

15. what’s your OTP when it comes to your muse?

God I have several. Multiship means they all have their own verses and such so it makes the OTP thing a bit less complicated. That being said here are some of my favourite ships pre 2017, that I wrote for Maria (half of these blogs are deleted/inactive now - with the exception of admiralchristopherpike). Maria x Pike (AOS) - Maria x Spock (AOS) - Maria x Bones (AOS) - Maria x Scotty (AOS) - Maria x Jim Gordon (Nolan) - Maria x Alfred (Gotham) - Maria x Andy Bernard (The Office) - Maria x Sherlock (BBC) - Maria x Bruce Banner (MCU) - There was also a gorgeous OC called Sam and that was an adorable ship but I forget the full name!

20. is there a ship you wanted to play, but couldn’t yet?

I've written a lot of fanfic in my days and generally speaking, I've tended towards pairing Maria with obscure characters or characters who rarely seemed to get RP'd so I often just write the fanfic. There are ships that I ponder on, that seem like they could be fun for Maria but honestly in the end it all comes down to chemistry and portrayal.

23. have you ever been pushed to ship something?

Yes, twice - once on Maria the first time, I was so new to rping too I just sort of pushed past my own discomfort. Then once on Tauriel which I gave a hard pass too and was stalked b/c of it. I may have had it on male muses once or twice but I don't really remember.

27. did you ever play a wedding?

Yes a few times actually! Pike and Maria, pretty sure Bruce and Maria were married, pretty sure Andy and Maria were definitely married. Then Briar and Scotty got married which was adorable, we turned that into like an event for our little rp circle.

33. what’s the first ship you played?

The timelines getting a bit jumbled in my head and I know that before this there were a few because I think I was part of a OUAT rp group but the first real one I think was Maria x Bruce Banner.

38. how easily does your muse get crushes?

Stupidly easily, if something even resembles a meet cute she's probably crushing. If someone just says something that catches her attention the right way and makes her look at them in a certain light, she'll catch a crush.

39. does your muse have a celebrity crush?

Alan Grant from Jurassic Park - the movie - so I suppose Sam Neill. Also though Jim Dale from the Carry On Films, Harrison Ford, Cary Grant, Gene Kelly, Sean Connery (The Rock/Entrapment/LoXG) and of course Colin Firth!

[hargrieve]

hargrieve’s fic recs — may

happy june and happy pride month! quick reminder that characters (yes, even your comfort character) are fictional, and that sometimes other people have other headcanons and takes on them

as usual, this is divided into emo/light fic. yes this list has yaku morisuke paired with four different people, because I believe in yaku morisuke supremacy. there is a yaku ship for everyone out there I promise

seriously if you have any umbrella academy or MCU recs please feel free to send them my way, because sometimes I miss thinking about things that aren’t volleyball-adjacent :| as you can tell I am in very very deep

FANDOMS: HAIKYUU!!

things that made me feel feelings: 

eyes on the ball (eyes on me) by daedalust @/kurapikasdad on twitter

yaku/nishinoya; rated M; 3.7k; 1/1

main timeline + yaku finding out that nishinoya is quitting volleyball

“One glance up at Yaku Morisuke, and Nishinoya is bewitched by a wildcat of a schoolboy.”

cat and bird metaphors + a whole lot of angst

planet six by panyang @/doetries on twitter

kagehina; rated T+; 5.8k words; 1/1

kageyama and hinata’s relationship through time, in a non-linear narrative

this fic is criminally underrated and is so tender

highly convincing re: kagehina endgame. this fic says they are soulmates and I believe in it so hard

if ever your fortress caves by Flumes

hiruhoshi; rated T+; 27k words; 1/1

werewolf au where hoshiumi and others are werewolves and hirugami is a vet

this fic came highly recommended to me on twitter, and it totally lived up to the hype. the schweiden adlers and msby as wolf packs is *chef’s kiss* and I genuinely enjoyed every single cameo

everyone wants to court hinata shoyo!!! so true! so valid!

no werewolf media experience necessary (but I believe this is teen wolf-y)

shrapnel by nure

yaku morisuke/haiba lev; rated Gen; 13k words; 1/1

standalone in an unconnected series about miscommunication

non-linear narrative between current situation (a couple years after lev’s high school graduation) and history (lev’s first year)

this one is also extremely underrated

fic that is a little less serious:

crushes get handcuffed for twenty-four hours by rainshowers @/nanagojou on twitter

kuroo/daichi; rated M; 6.9k words; 1/1

(self-explanatory) au where they film a buzzfeed-type video where they are handcuffed together for 24 hours

it’s pretty much what you would expect from one of those videos :) the chemistry is sizzling and the writing is great :) I love them

HUSH by mareas @/adlerstrio on twitter

ushijima/sakusa; rated M; 6.0k words; 1/1

established ushisaku where sakusa has a thing for his fingers in ushijima’s mouth

this fic is so funny and even more tender. sakusa muses about intimacy and love while totally losing his mind

rip to fujita fr

i'll be cleaning up bottles with you on new year's day by comfortcharacters @/comfrtcharacter on twitter

iwaoi; rated T+; 3.8k words; 1/1

oikawa is a residential assistant, iwaizumi is his resident, and he and sugawara are planning a holiday party for his floor

fluffy and made me smile

everyone pressure dani to keep writing her college RA-verse bc i wanna see it

melatonin and caffeine by emeraldpalace @/emeraldpalace on twitter

kuroo/yaku/daishou; rated T+; 14k words; 1/1

kuroyakushou end up as college roommates. yaku pov

this fic is absolutely delightful. the character interactions are so canon and we get to see a lot of what drives daishou. it’s also refreshing to see a college au where they are all more or less put-together

favorite fic from this list I think

recs I received in my inbox:

安心 (Peace of Mind) by itachiyams @/itachiyams on twitter

sakuatsu; rated T+; 85k words; 4/4

from the recommender: “it's basically a sakuatsu slow burn // sakusa pov from the canon events and there's lots of national team shenaningans too”

the way our horizons meet by skiecas @skiecas

iwaoi; rated T+; 43k words; 1/1

written by the same author as one of my kagehina recs from march

hello @ravenclawboys I keep meaning to read this one but I am waiting until I finish my next big task so I can fully enjoy it

my twitter

past fic recs

send me a rec!

[existsarchive]

HOW WE VIBE HERE ON GDEXISTS.DUMBLR.HELL

SPEED

I’m constantly lurking on dash when we always have the tab on if we do something else, though our dash is generally very slow, so it’s easy for me to not come on here constantly as I have a thing of not wanting to be behind on how everyone’s doing. I like seeing how my friends are doing and supporting them. We are in college having one class on Tuesday and Wednesday, as well as we sometimes focus working on God Exits in our little corner, as well as we are extremely easy to be exhausted or distracted, so I am not always available to reply out of character or in character. Some days I just don’t feel like doing either, but generally, I’m still quite slow to communicate unless we interact daily because of our chemistry. Having emotional detachment makes it extremely difficult for me to connect with anyone on here but literally one person who I interact in dms daily ( blows kiss to Jess / mavzone ), so I am hard to reach out and connect with, but just know if we are mutuals, I do genuinely enjoy having you around and love interacting with you in some shape or form. I’m super duper chill on here with my pace and... everything.

REPLIES

What I focus on and when I reply is unpredictable, really. Some days I may focus on only prompts, some days may be only drafts, the rest I do both or don’t at all; and no one including myself knows what that day may be happening. It’s the same with when I reply to a draft or prompt, it can take a few minutes to honestly months. On average though, a few days to three weeks at the very least, unless we happen to be personally close / have great chemistry, then I tend to reply within a few hours to days. My grasp on time is extremely weak, so, for an example, I may think I would be replying to a thread a few days late but it’s actually a few weeks. Generally, I have a very poor grasp on reality so everything often goes by a bit too fast for me to keep track of the durations and such. Again, in the end, what I do is unpredictable as I usually go with the flow of what my time and energy can let me do.

STARTERS

I do post starter calls but it’s an extremely rare case. It’s even more rare of actually doing it for at least few interested people, if not everyone, because of motivation and/or usually not really knowing how to establish a setting / purpose of the thread that would make sense for both my and the other’s muses. Yet I don’t like to do this personally because I had a lot of people who would get my starters yet never replied, so it’s just a big waste of time and energy for me. If you like my calls yet don’t end up replying to the old starter(s) I make for you, then I’m not doing it, simple as that. I sometimes write random starters, especially based on part of the conversation or comment and I very much welcome being written one, if you can excuse the slow pace. I do often like other people’s starter calls if I don’t have a lot drafts going on.

INBOX

Prompts is definitely THE best way for me to use as icebreakers or turning them into threads, regardless if they’re sent from newest to oldest mutuals. Starter calls or plotting calls just to set up a thread and not flesh out dynamics / plots just don’t work as well as prompts does for me. I definitely answer prompts from new mutuals as soon as they are sent to me and it’s a bonus if they’re sent unprompted to show me that they’re genuinely interested in interacting as opposed to follow for follow. I am always open for unprompted or personalized asks and I tend to send either out to those who are close to me / with their muse(s) having close dynamics with mine whenever I can have the energy to do so. I sometimes post inbox call for me to send out 2-3 prompts to interested mutuals.

SELECTIVITY

Extremely selective, truly... Obviously, I don’t interact with any -ist and -phobic, any assholes and dumbasses, weirdos, we all know What kind of people, but I am Extremely Wary™ of the RPC nowadays, especially after having to see a lot of old mutuals had silently cut me off around the time Yancy came into being and I wasn’t fully present on here / Yancy co-fronted with me on here or I was constantly talking about Yancy and my OSDD-1b ( as well as having an anon basically telling me I was faking having OSDD-1b a day before my birthday ), and most of those people were the ones who I would really try to provide a lot of positivity and interaction interest, so I’m heavily clinging to the idea that a lot of people on here don’t actually value their “””friendships””” and support mentally ill people ( unless they have anxiety or/and depression!!!!! ) for me to be very cautious with who I want to interact with. While I do end up softblocking new mutuals if we haven’t done much after a week ( especially if they happen to follow us first ), I’m also generally easy to softblock new mutuals anyway, to be honest. It’s easy for me to sense the possible chemistry based on how they are on my dash actively as opposed to peeking into their blog every now and then, so if I don’t see we’d vibe well, I’m out. One time, I had softblocked someone even when I was only mutuals with them in under an hour because I end up just not feeling the chemistry with them and I still think that’s more than valid. A lot of people would find me fake when I try to be very bubbly and friendly, but it’s whatever if these things are done simply for the sake of my comfort.

WISHLIST

Not that I have anything in mind to share them now. If you see anything tagged as wishlist and you’re interested, do lemme know! 

HONEST NOTE

I’m simply here to chill with Yancy being my personal cheerleader. I really don’t want anyone to constantly apologize to me for the quick / late replies or feel obligated to do anything I may ask for or be mutuals with us still. My emotional detachment makes it a lot easier for me to just not a give a damn about a lot of things in general, so always do what makes you most happy and comfortable. I know I, along with Yancy, can be a lot with our overly bubbly energy but while I do it to help me not be surrounded by my constant inner numbness made by the emotional detachment, Yancy being overly prideful and loud to make me look forward to anything / be more confidence ( and I know I can come across as emotionally distant ), we’re just trying to get through our life doing the best we can, truly. Peace and love only in this house. xoxo

TAGGED    :   @jokethur, thank you so much for giving me a chance to make my unofficial guideline ksdgnksdgd !!! TAGGING   :   You reading this !!!

[unbridgeabledistances]

Prompt: About the 87% scene. Could you write about Mickey lying about having a "boyfriend" when he was in Mexico. And telling Ian that afterall he didn't have his whole Heart because of that "boyfriend". Ian realizing that the way he said those things weren'te the best. Then the confrontation, they talk about it and are cute with one another

anon i am CRYING mickey would 1000% do this!!! why did the writers not make this happen

(actually i’m glad they didn’t, bc these boys don’t need any more drama)

here’s my take (since we all need a little gallavich before the next episode!), hope u enjoy<3

--

“I guess everyone I’ve been with gets a little piece of my heart”

Mickey froze where he was standing, by the toilet bowl and the dust-covered bathroom shelves, and felt his heart sink. The fuck is he talking about?

“Wait, everyone?”

“Yeah. Yup.” Ian froze for a moment, his toothbrush hanging out of the corner of his mouth. “Okay, maybe not everybody. You don’t feel the same way?”

Mickey could almost wince. Fucking Gallagher—didn’t Ian know he was the only guy Mickey had really been with, because Ian was the only one that mattered? Instantly, Mickey thought back to all of the sloppy and excruciatingly boring hookups he’d had with women—back before he came out and was constantly putting on a show, was burying who he really was deep beneath the ground.

Ian looked at him earnestly, toothbrush still half in his mouth, with those steady green eyes Mickey could always get lost in—the only thing keeping Mickey afloat during those darker days, when he felt like everything else was pulling him under. Ian was the only person who had ever made Mickey’s heart race or his palms sweaty, the only fucking person who made Mickey feel like he was here for a reason, no matter what bullshit life threw at him. Ian was the center of Mickey’s existence, and he always had been—how could that asshole not realize that no one else Mickey’d been with could ever compare to him?

“No, I don’t. Y’know what, fuck you” is what Micket wanted to say—he felt the words about to launch off the tip of his tongue. Instead, before he knew what he was doing, Mickey lied.

“Uhhhhh. I guess, man. Y’know, I had that thing down in Mexico with, uh, Julio.” Mickey looked down at his bare feet on the tiled bathroom floor, knowing that Ian would see right through him if he looked directly in his eyes.

Ian’s eyebrows raised in genuine confusion as he leaned over the sink. “Julio? Who the fuck is Julio?” Ian sputtered as he spit out a mouthful of foamy toothpaste.

“Were you not listening, smartass? He was my… my lover. I was in Mexico a long time before I snitched on the cartel and threw my life away for your ass.”

Ian stood up and placed his toothbrush in a cup on the shelf above the sink, turning to look at Mickey, who finally raised his gaze from the linoleum. Ian didn’t look hurt, which was what Mickey was aiming for— more than anything, Ian just looked thoroughly confused, and maybe a little bit amused.

“You’ve never mentioned anything about some dude named Julio, Mick. Where’d you meet him?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know, Gallagher.”

Mickey stormed out of the bathroom, and turned the corner into their bedroom. It was this fucking quarantine, that was the problem—the same way that they were down each other’s throats when they were cramped together in a tiny jail cell. They were so used to the lack of each other that being together always seemed to make a mess of things. Ian didn’t actually mean that he had been in love with other people— right?

People annoyed Mickey, mostly— sex was sex, just another bland part of his bland life of doing runs for his dad, living in his fucked-up household, getting drunk with his brothers. And then one day, Ian came bursting through his door. Mickey would never forget that first time that he and Ian were together— in his opinion, that day probably permanently altered his brain chemistry or some shit. The day that he was laying in bed, woken up by a pale-faced angel whose chest was just as smooth and beautifully pale and freckled as the skin on his face and hands. And Mickey was also covered with skin, that was apparently covered with super-powered nerve endings that hadn’t done a goddamn thing his whole life, but came alive like ice and fire and bee stings as soon as Ian touched him. Wherever Ian touched him.

Sex was just sex to Mickey, for so long—but sex with Ian was on an entirely different plane of existence.

And the thought of Ian being like that with someone else, especially during that time when Mickey was locked up and there was a wall of plexiglass between them, a wall Mickey had put there himself when all he was doing was trying to protect Ian from Sammi’s bullshit; well, it made Mickey’s stomach churn.

Ian followed Mickey out of the bathroom and leaned on the doorframe of their bedroom, like he knew Mickey needed some space. “You and this Julio guy, you were like, together?”

Mickey kept his gaze downward as he put on a wrinkled shirt. “Hell yeah, man. We lived in a shack by the beach, fucked all day long. You don’t know everything about me, Gallagher.”

“I guess not.” Ian mused, still looking like he half didn’t believe Mickey. “So, uh. This Julio guy. You’re saying he has a piece of your heart?”

“Oh yeah, a big ol’ chunk of it. You aren’t special, Gallagher. In fact, he might have a bigger piece than you do, with all the fucking bickering we’ve been doing lately,” Mickey spat out as he pulled on his shoes.

Ian rolled his eyes, but sensing Mickey’s tension, he kept talking. “Mick, you know I didn’t mean it. You have the majority of my heart. The vast majority.”

Mickey scoffed, feeling more pissed off than ever. “Oh, yeah? How much is that, exactly?”

“I don’t know… 87%?”

Mickey looked at Ian, charging up for a fight. “Fuck you. That’s not enough.”

“It is enough, Mick. I’ve been with so many people I can barely remember their names. You know what it was like at the club. That’s 87% for you, and 13% for every other meaningful connection I’ve ever had in the years we were apart—that seems pretty stacked to me.”

“Yeah, well, joke’s on you, motherfucker, because you don’t even have that much of my heart, anyways. In fact, maybe I’ll go back down to fucking Mexico and see if Julio’s still around.”

Ian rolled his eyes. “Mick, calm down. You don’t mean that.”

“I do, asshole. Excuse me for thinking I had your whole heart, instead of pissing away 13% of it while I was locked behind bars and tattooing your fucking name onto my chest.” Mickey turned to where Ian was blocking the doorway. “You gonna let me through?”

Ian sighed, gently putting a hand up to Mickey’s chest to stop him from barreling past into the hallway. “Okay, listen, all that shit came out wrong. You know you’re the only one that matters.”

Mickey looked at Ian’s hand on his chest, then looked up and to meet Ian’s gaze. “Do I?” he said, in a softer voice than he realized.

Ian smirked, and let his arms glide up Mickey’s chest and around his shoulders, locking him in close. “Hey. Of course you are. You’re the only one I ever wanted to be with forever.”

“Fuck you,” Mickey said earnestly, but he didn’t try to shake himself from Ian’s grasp.

Ian let his hands roam up to cradle the back of Mickey’s head in his hands, making sure he had Mickey’s undivided attention. “Listen. All those people, like Ned or Kash or whoever, they were all an important part of me becoming who I am, and nothing can change that. But they’re all a part of our love story, Mick. They’re all… minor characters, on the path of me getting to marry you.”

Now Mickey was the one rolling his eyes, his tough exterior finally starting to melt. “Yeah, okay softie.” His eyes flickered downward, in one last moment of vulnerability. “It’s just… it’s hard to forget all the stuff I missed out on, all the time we both coulda had. Time where you were with other people and not me.”

Ian pecked Mickey’s forehead, holding him in close. “Yeah, well, we have plenty of time now. Almost too much time. So much time that we’re ripping each other’s heads off.”

Mickey leaned back, and smirked. “Well, I’ve got a pretty good idea of what we can do with all that time on our hands, Mr. Milkovich.”

Ian leaned in closer, Mickey’s face millimeters from his. “Oh yeah?”

As Mickey leaned in to close the gap between their lips, he felt the nerve endings all over his body going fucking crazy again—maybe it had been a bumpy path for them both, and maybe he’d lost some of Ian along the way, but he couldn’t deny that this was worth the wait.

[littlemisslol-fic]

Summary: Eugene was raised in a world of fire and blood. He barely remembers a time before the lights went out, the Blackout, that plunged humanity into a chaotic realm of violence and desperation. It’s been ten years since the end of the world, the birth of a graveyard that wasn’t kind to those too weak to take care of themselves- and it is there that Eugene finds a kid, abandoned to the wasteland and desperately trying to return home. Varian’s unassuming, easy prey in the hard-knock world Eugene’s come to call home, so it’s with begrudging acceptance he agrees to help the kid out. Not everything is as simple as he’d believe, however, and Varian hosts a few secrets of his own. In order to survive, they’ll have to learn to trust one another- though trust is a rare commodity in a world like theirs. No one man is an island after all.

Chapter Notes: Not all dangers are human.

“Okay goggles.” Eugene says over their afternoon lunch. “You’ve gotta learn how to fight.” 

 Varian looks up from his food, arching a brow. Eugene holds his expression, challenging the kid to argue. In response, Varian just holds out his twiggy little arm, gesturing it with a comically confused expression. 

 “Have you seen me?” The kid asks, dropping his hands. “I’m built for science, Eugene, not combat.” 

 “As you’ve shown, multiple times.” Eugene’s not going to back down on this one, no sir. “But that’s why you need practice. Your chemistry tricks are useful, and they’ll get you out of a tight situation, but you also gotta know how to throw a punch. C’mon, it’ll be fun.” 

 Varian looks doubtful, chewing idly on his thumbnail. A nervous tick, for sure. Eugene simply waits it out. He knows the ways of a dumb teenaged boy, they can’t resist dangerous pastimes. His own youth had been enough proof of that.  

 “If I remember correctly,” The kid mutters, “I had to save you.” 

 “And you did, through sheer, dumb luck.” 

 Varian scowls, but nods. “I guess it can’t hurt.” He says, slowly getting to his feet.

 Eugene smiles, leafing through his bag, looking for something. His sword’s too big, too heavy for the kid to practice with without the very real chance of him hurting himself- if they had more time, Eugene would pawn something for a lighter blade, but for now all they have is what he has in his bag. It should be in there somewhere…

 “Ah-hah,” He mutters, pulling at something in the very bottom of the backpack, long left down there under layers and layers of clothing. With a triumphant grin he pulls out a small knife, barely longer than Eugene’s forearm, in a basic leather sheath. Varian peers at him with curiosity, nerves lacing his eye at the sight of the blade.

 “Here we go.” Eugene grins, standing straight and tossing the sheathed blade to Varian without preamble. The boy stutters to life, nearly fumbling the blade but managing to grab it and hold it tightly with both hands. Eugene smiles setting the bag down to his left. “That should work for you.” He says, grinning as Varian looks at the knife with wide eyes. “I’ve had it since I was a little older than you.” 

 “My dad never let me use a knife.” Varian winces, pulling the blade from the sheath and looking surprised when the metal glints back at him. “He said it was dangerous, that I should wait until I’m older. Corona’s safe-” 

 “I mean, obviously it’s not.” Eugene snarks, cocking his hip. “Or we wouldn’t be out here.” 

 Varian opens his mouth to argue, but Eugene can see the gears turning in that big brain of his. After a second more of contemplation, Varian’s mouth shuts closed with a click. The kid finally nods his agreement, unable to bicker. 

 “I guess it can’t hurt.” Varian repeats eventually. “But I still think I’ll stick to science, if I can.”

 Eugene rolls his eyes and draws his sword. “Sure, kid,” he says. “But for now, I’m going to show you how to deal with your problems the quick way.” 

 Varian gulps, taking the knife out from its leather case. He nervously follows Eugene’s stance, his footwork shaky and his arms too far apart. Eugene sighs, dropping his arms and stepping. He kicks at Varian’s foot, nudging it towards a better spot. 

 “Bring your feet in.” He says, idly kicking at the other foot. Varian complies, his stance a little taller, a lot more solid. “Feel your center of gravity?” The kid nods. “Good, yeah. That’s the biggest part of winning a fight, is keeping your feet under you. You trip, you’re dead.” 

 “Unless I come to save you.” This little shit.

 “Sure, unless your plucky waif sidekick comes to bail you out, you’re dead meat.”

 The kid scowls, but when Eugene faces him again the nervous expression creeps back in. It only gets worse as Eugene takes his own stance, holding his sword out. 

 “Alright, goggles. Follow me. I’m going to show you a guard, first.” 

 The afternoon goes quickly after that, the two of them slowly moving through the drills Eugene had learned as an older teenager. He remembers at the start of the blackout, everyone had resorted to guns and other, more destructive weapons to beat the chaos. As things had settled, and as the ammo ran out, people had swapped to blades for necessity, even if it did mean that Eugene’s generation had been left just a little behind. He’d had to learn quick, keep on his feet, and it had served him well. It felt oddly right to be passing on his knowledge to someone younger than him, to know that Varian would be able to use the information to help foster his own safety- and maybe someday pass it on to someone else in the distant future. Like a little piece of Eugene living on even after he was long dead.

 Varian’s a quick enough study, thankfully. He’s clumsy, in the way that all kids are when they’re in the middle of a growth spurt. Kid’s fourteen, and it’s obvious that he’s only recently started to gain his height- even if he’s still short. Eugene would be willing to bet that Varian’s got at least one short parent- though a lot of kids nowadays are shorter due to malnutrition. Even if he’s small though, Varian’s quick, much quicker than Eugene had been at that age. The man can already tell where Varian’s advantage over the Saporians had been, during his original run for freedom before he’d found Eugene.

 The thought of their pursuers snaps the man from his musing. They didn’t have a lot of free time, they had to move on soon. Eugene looks to Varian with a thoughtful expression, before speaking up.

 “Alright,” Eugene grunts when the sun is at its highest peak. “Time to try a spar, and then we’ll get walking again.” 

 “A spar?” Varian looks pale, any of the blooming confidence in him snuffing right out. “Like against each other?” 

 “That’s typically what it means, yes.” Eugene rolls his eyes. 

 “But what if one of us gets hurt?” Varian’s eyes flick down to the bandage wrapping Eugene’s hand. It still hurts, but Eugene won’t let it stop him. He’s had worse, and probably will continue to have worse. It’s the way of the wastes. It’s nice of the kid to care, though.

 “I’ll make sure neither of us do.” He assures Varian with an easy grin. “Besides, the forms are all well and good, but if you can’t apply them, they’re useless.” 

 And like that, he swings his sword towards Varian. It’s slow, barely a swipe at all. The kid still screams and topples down onto his ass, grunting as he hits the dirt. The knife slips out of his hand, clattering against a stone. The teenager groans, glaring up at Eugene. 

 “I wasn’t ready!” Varian gripes, picking himself up off the dirt. “No fair!” 

 “Only corpses fight fair.” Eugene says. It’s blunt, but his point gets across. Varian flinches, something like irritation skitters across his face. But Varian still scoops the knife out of the dirt, and stands back up. His hoodie hangs off him as he brushes the dirt off it before Varian takes his stance again, this time looking a little more serious. 

 Eugene waits for a second before making another swipe, again slow and deliberately clumsy to get the kid used to the idea of fighting. Varian backs away from it - Eugene sees a break in his footwork, but it’s stronger than it was before so the man doesn’t take advantage of the opening. Instead he moves forwards to follow the kid, mirroring the less than stellar stance and hoping that Varian would take the chance. 

 He feels a small surge of pride when the kid does.

 Varian takes a hesitant kick towards Eugene’s legs. The man fumbles more than he would, letting Varian have the small win before he twists up and-

 Hears the cracking noise of glass. 

 Eugene lets out a small shout as he legitimately topples over, his feet trapped in a noxious smelling pink goo. His mind flips to when they’d run from Andrew, Eugene hitting the ground hard. He tastes grass, spluttering as he manages to flip over onto his back and look up at Varian with shock. 

 The kid grins, putting his hand in his pocket and drawing out another bomb. Eugene looks at him with what must be a hilarious expression- one of shock, for sure, maybe of offense- because Varian starts to laugh.

 It’s a snorting, high pitched thing, the kid covering his mouth as if to muffle the giggles. “Your face!” He laughs, tears of mirth springing up. Eugene can’t help but laugh too, even as he tries to kick at the goo. He’s stuck fast, it seems, can’t even wiggle out of his boots. 

 “Yes, fine, haha.” Eugene snarks, “You’re hilarious, now let me out of here.”

 Varian keeps giggling, unable to look at Eugene without cracking up again. It is, Eugene realizes with a sudden thought, the first time he’s heard the kid laugh in the last four days of walking together. The idea is both sad and wonderful at the same time, sad that Varian hadn’t had anything to laugh at yet, but wonderful in that now there is- even at Eugene’s expense. 

 “Okay,” The kid gasps out, reaching into his pocket. He wipes at his eyes, rubbing away the last of the tears as he draws a vial from inside of his hoodie- and really where did he keep all this junk- before pausing. “One thing.” 

 “Kid, c’mon-” 

 “Admit that my alchemy can be useful.” Varian’s still shaking with the last ghosts of his giggles, biting at his lip to keep composure. The smushed expression Varian has only gets worse when Eugene rolls his eyes; the kid’s having the time of his life at Eugene’s expense, it seems. 

 “I dunno,” Eugene says, drawing it out for the hell of it. Let Varian have some fun, why not? “It’s a fun party trick, but I still say a good stabbing is more than enough to get your point across.” 

 Varian holds the vial up, inspecting it in the sunlight. He doesn’t say a word, already knowing that Eugene will break. 

 And break he does.

 “Okay, fine.” Eugene drops to his back in a showy, dramatic display. “I yield to the awesome power of alchemy and science. Now get me out of here!” 

 Varian snickers again, tipping the vial. The pink liquid within hits the goo encasing Eugene’s feet, eating away at it with a sharp hiss. It smells like sulfur, though to be honest with the amount of times Varian’s used his bombs Eugene’s going nose-blind to it.

 “There.” The kid says, “Was that so hard?” 

 “Agonizing.” Eugene mutters, refusing to get up off the ground. “Absolutely horrifying, this is torture. How could you, kid? I thought we were friends!” 

 Varian laughs again. He leans over Eugene, his head haloed by the sun above. “That’s what you get for trying to deny the power of science.” The kid says. He holds out a small hand in offering. Eugene takes it, groaning at the ache in his knees as he stands. He groans as he stretches the aches out of bones, shaking himself to chase away the lingering pain.

 “Good fight.” he says. Varian’s face splits into a big grin, the boy looking ecstatic at the praise. Eugene can’t help but mirror it. “We’ll keep practicing, you’ll be a master in no time.”

 They pack up after that, tucking away the few supplies they’d used to make lunch and heading off into the wide unknown under a blanket of bright sunlight. It’s much faster a process than Eugene’s used to; with Varian’s help their things are packed away within minutes. When they walk away from the grove, Varian keeps the knife on his belt.

 Eugene can’t help but feel calmer at the sight of it. 

 >>>><<<<

 It’s another day before they run into trouble again. 

 “Ah. Shit.” Eugene says, looking down into the gorge in front of them. Varian looks to him with a curious expression, before looking down to the bottom of the sixty-foot drop. Water rushes by at the very bottom, far enough away to be nothing but subtle background noise. Varian makes a questioning noise at the curse.

 “See,” Eugene sighs, “There used to be a bridge here.” 

 “Oh.” Varian grimaces at the gorge, peeking back down. At the very bottom, half sticking out of the water, is a series of rusted spires sticking out of the rapids like reaching fingers pointing for the sky. What’s left of the bridge spans the gap, split in half down the length of it. The metal frame is all that remains on the right side, just barely clinging to the rock and proving a very narrow footpath. It’s not safe in the slightest, but to walk around would be at least another three days- time they don’t really have, considering who’s on their tail. 

 Dark clouds roll overhead, it’s definitely going to rain, just a matter of when. Eugene can already hear the starting of thunder. If they’re going to chance a crossing it will have to be soon; the rain would only make everything more precarious. The air feels charged, something in it makes Eugene expect lighting, which… perfect.

 “It must have rusted until the weight was too much.” Varian says, rubbing at his chin as he puzzles. “Bridges are always weakest in the middle, it’s unsurprising that it would break from there and go towards the edges. The physics say-” 

 “Yep, thanks kid.” Eugene says, not wanting to cut Varian off, but the threat of rain looms over them both. Crossing would be brutal if the metal was wet. If Eugene had his way they’d take the long way, he’s not stupid enough to risk life and limb for some saved time unless it’s dire, but with the Saporians skulking around behind them it wasn’t a matter of choice. 

 “What are we gunna do?” Varian’s voice is small, the kid peeking over the edge of the cliff again. Eugene reaches over without thinking, gently grabbing the kid by the hood and dragging him back from the edge. Varian doesn’t even question it, going along like it’s a normal occurrence.

 “Well, first we’re going to step away from the precarious edge,” he says, “And second we’re going to have to cross on the side that’s still here.” 

 “What?!” Varian looks at him like he’s crazy, which he very well might be. Eugene huffs. The clouds above them swirl a little faster; there’s a rumble of thunder off in the distance. 

 “We don’t have time to go around.” He says, “Not with you-know-who following. We have to cross here. Even if it’s broken, it’s still metal. It should hold-”

 “It’s structurally compromised!” Oh, goodie, Varian seems like he wants to argue, what fun. “If we walk around on it, it could crumble under us! Look at the rust, there’s no way the supports will hold!” 

 “We don’t have much of a choice, googles.” Eugene grumps, rolling his shoulders under the backpack. 

 Varian pauses at that, his face dropping into a frown. The kid knows Eugene’s right, he must, but that doesn’t mean either of them like it. Buck teeth bite into his lip, a nervous expression taking over those baby blue eyes. The kid turns back to the bridge, looking with wide eyes as the metal groans.

 “I should take the bag.” He says, not looking at Eugene. The man cocks his head, but Varian picks at his gloves and doesn’t face him. “I weigh less. If I take the bag we’ll be more equal, hopefully it will make it less likely to break under you.” 

 “Are you calling me fat?” Eugene covers the nerves with a joke. It falls flat. “Because, I’ll have you know, I have a figure like Adonis-”

 “And you weigh more than me.” Varian’s voice is dry, but Eugene can hear the humour. “So give me the bag, and you can go first, Adonis.” 

 The bridge is about twenty meters across. The half still connected is a mess of tangled metal and cracked asphalt, the whole thing drooping down like a wet paper towel into the gap below. Eugene hates this, hates the feeling of rusty metal under his boots as he slowly inches onto the bridge. Eugene can hear is own shaky breathing, feel the thump-thump of his steadily increasing heartbeat. The earth below drops away as he gets farther from the edge, dipping down into the rushing rapids below. The wind begins to pick up, the clouds above so thick it nearly looks like evening. Eugene grunts as the bridge gives a groan and sways a little in the gusts. A thick sense of apprehension coats the air, tense and cloying as Eugene slowly shuffles into the metal support beams on the outside. It’s the only part left relatively intact, a perfect tightrope of steel that’s a foot wide. 

 He hears shuffling behind him and knows that Varian, backpack well secured, is following. Eugene continues to move forwards, his boots grating against chipped green paint as he slides one foot in front of the other. The tension continues to mount the further away from solid ground they get, nerves clawing up from Eugene’s chest and settling in his throat. He chokes them down. Varian was already scared to all hell and it was up to Eugene, as the adult here, to at least pretend to be calm for the kid’s sake. He takes a small peek back, sees Varian lagging a bit. The teenager looks positively green, refusing to look away from where his hands are clinging to the metal railing. Eugene takes another deep breath, keeps moving. All they have to do is make it to the other end of this deranged tight-rope.

 He’s nearly to the center of the bridge when he feels the first raindrop hit his skin. 

 Eugene’s head snaps to the sky just as the rain begins, a clap of thunder ringing loud enough to scare a few birds from their posts. Eugene’s hair begins to stick to his forehead, the rain rushing down in heavy sheets that he can barely see through. The man brings up a hand to wipe the water from his face, trying harder to see, but stops his lost cause. 

 The bridge creaks ominously under them. 

 “We should go back!” Varian cries. Eugene stupidly looks down, the sudden rush of vertigo that follows more than enough for him. They are ridiculously high up, Eugene can’t help but feel the sickening twist of his stomach nearly take over. When he looks away, he chokes back the bile, gritting his teeth.

 “We can’t!” The man argues, turning to face the kid. Varian looks just as miserable as Eugene feels in the rain, though the boy’s pulled his goggles down to cover his eyes at least. The kid looks like a drowned rat, limp, wet hair plastered to his face and his hoodie already soaked through. Varian frowns at Eugene’s denial, but the man simply turns around and keeps shuffling forwards, unrelenting.  

 They have to make it.

 There’s no other choice. 

 The rain comes down in sheets. It pummels at Eugene’s back, makes the metal slick under his boots. He finally draws close to the other side of the bridge, breathing a sigh of relief as the rushing water below disappears past a ledge of sweet, solid earth. He gets all the way off the metal at long last, the surge of adrenaline leaving at the beautiful feeling of dirt under his boots. He hisses out a sigh again, wanting to bend down and kiss the rocks under him-

 But that sigh turns into a gasp as he hears a metallic groan behind him. 

 Eugene whips around just in time to see a hefty gust of wind rock the metal frame of the bridge, the whole thing shuddering like a house of cards. Chunks of metal and asphalt fall into the gorge below, the splashing noise as they hit water nearly inaudible through the constant roar of heavy rain. 

 Eugene just barely catches sight of Varian as the kid wobbles along with the metal frame. Before he can think, he’s running forwards, a burst of adrenaline catches him as he races back towards the kid as the bridge begins to fall apart in the high winds.

 Varian shrieks as the bridge starts to crumble behind him, the metal and asphalt giving way and toppling into the gorge below. The kid drops to his knees on the beam, grabbing tightly to it as the bridge continues to collapse. Eugene’s sprinting up on top of the metal before he can think about it, running as fast as his burning legs will carry him. 

 Below him, the metal continues to scream.

 “Varian!” He yells, stopping short of the kid as a chunk of the bridge falls in front of him. He’s cut off from the kid, he realizes with dawning horror; there’s no way to properly get to Varian without trying to jump, which will result in him either plummeting to his death, or snapping the thin metal holding Varian’s beam in place- killing them both. The only thing left holding Varian’s piece of the bridge up is an upper support beam; the kid is dangling over the drop by nothing but thin slips of metal and a prayer. Eugene’s heart races in his ears, a pulsing, rabbit’s beat as the panic takes him. Varian’s locked up and Eugene can’t get to him­-

 The bridge crumbles behind the kid like sand, the last of it dropping down into the water below. Varian lets out another wordless scream as his last piece sways again in the high winds. Eugene can see how the kid clings to what’s left of the beam, battered by the wind and rain as the last of the structure begins to slide down into the gorge.

 Eugene feels a spike of pure terror as the whole thing gives a sickening jolt down into the gorge, the structural support of the bridge giving way as the seconds tick by. He can’t get to the kid-

 “Varian!” He shouts again, reaching a hand out towards the boy. “Varian, buddy, you gotta move, c’mere-”

 “Are you crazy?!” Varian wails, terror obviously causing his body to lock itself around the bar. Even if Varian’s smart enough to know it’s not going to save him, his instincts demand he cling to the illusion of safety. Eugene grimaces as the bridge sways again- the rain batters them both, makes it nearly impossible to hear anything outside its roar. 

 “Kid, please!” God, if he could get over there without the risk of the whole thing collapsing- “You’ve gotta let go, walk towards me. You can’t stay there!” 

 Varian shakes his head with a whine, clinging tighter to the metal. Eugene can see another piece of the metal snap off like a twig. A wave of terror rushes through Eugene at the sight. His eyes widen, snapping back to the kid and trying to shuffle farther out on his ledge. Varian’s still at least a meter away, much too far to grab, but Eugene tries, nonetheless. They’re running out of time-

 “KID!” His voice snaps with panic as the whole structure slides forwards and lurches to a stop as it catches on the rockface. “Varian, you gotta trust me, okay?” 

 Varian shudders. Shakes his head. Presses his forehead into the metal. 

 “I can’t!” 

 “You can, you just have to move before the whole thing comes down!” Eugene can feel the panic clogging his throat, clawing at him from within like a wild animal- “Varian, do you want to go home or not?!” 

 That seems to snap Varian from the fear, the kid’s head whipping up to meet Eugene’s eye. Eugene holds his dazed stare for a second more, praying for the kid to listen to him. For a second the noise fades, the world shrinking down to the two of them.

 Eugene can’t help but feel the relief rushing in as Varian slowly lets go of the beam.

 Varian lets go one hand at a time, his expression pained, like it hurts him to do so. The kid inches onto his feet again, shaking and refusing to look away from Eugene. The man nods encouragingly, holding out his own hand as far as it’ll go. That draws the kid’s attention, Varian looking down to it and starting to shuffle forwards, reaching out for Eugene with a trembling hand.

 The bridge gives another lurch-

 Varian shrieks as he suddenly drops, the kid’s hand just an inch shy of Eugene’s own-

 The man lunges forwards with a shout, borderline throwing himself forwards in a desperate bid to catch the kid as the bridge fully gives way, the last of it crumbling into the gorge below. Eugene can’t hear a single thing beyond the frantic beating of his heart, the shrill scream Varian makes as he falls…

 And the sudden silence as Eugene’s hand manages to snag Varian’s hand, yanking the kid forward and off the falling beam. The boy slams into Eugene’s chest with a thump, the kid letting out an oomph. Eugene nearly topples over from the sudden weight, but uses the momentum to carry them backwards, holding Varian tight enough to bruise. Eugene twists himself, the motion helping to carry them forwards and onto solid ground. 

 They land with a grunt, Eugene cushioning the blow with his spine ow-

 The bridge lets out one last groan as the concrete anchors let go at long last. Eugene manages to sit up just in time to see the metal slip over the edge. Just like that, all that’s left of the bridge is a series of holes and a mess at the bottom of the gorge. He hears the distant crash of the metal hitting ground, the splashing of displaced water, and can’t help but laugh. He tilts his face towards the clouds, chest heaving. 

 “Holy shit.” Eugene gasps. His eyes are closed, face to the sky. He refuses to open them, content to lay down and let the rain wash at his face. “Holy shit, that was too close for comfort… You good, kid? You were nearly a pancake!” 

 Eugene cracks his eyes open again, peeking over to where Varian’s already sitting up. The kid’s shaking, one hand covering his mouth and the other clutching deeply into the mud. He shudders, staring with wide eyes at the place the bridge used to be. Eugene feels himself tense at the wild look in the kid’s eyes.

 “Oh. Oh shit, hey, are you okay?” Eugene asks, looking Varian over with urgency. The kid doesn’t look hurt, there Isn’t any blood that he could see… “Goggles, look at me.” Eugene tries to goad Varian, but can’t seem to break the kid’s horrified stare at the gorge. “It’s okay, you’re alright- we made it. You did good.” 

 Varian blinks once, twice. Sniffles. Those baby cheeks smush as the boy’s expression crumbles. Eugene tenses as the kid lets out a loud sob, his hands dropping to grab at his own heart. The boy wails, not angry, but generally upset- for good reason. Eugene fumbles for a second before putting a hand on the kid’s shoulder, shuffling closer. Varian tenses for a second, but quickly relaxes when he realizes it’s just Eugene. 

 “It’s okay,” The man murmurs. It’s only a little surprising when Varian throws himself at Eugene, gripping tightly to the man’s jacket and shuddering in the rain. Eugene’s wrapping his arms around the kid before he can think, hugging him tightly as Varian works through the panic now that the danger has passed. If it’s also for his own comfort, the feeling of relief at having the kid safe and sound and not splattered on the rocks… well, that’s only for him to know.

 “You’re okay.” Eugene says again. Varian sobs into his chest, arms tight around his ribs. “You’re okay, kid, it’s alright. You’re safe, we made it.” 

 Varian shudders. Eugene feels those too-thin fingers tighten their grip on his jacket. Eugene squirms a bit under the contact, but the kid only shakes harder, and at the gasping breaths Eugene knows Varian’s not exactly in the right state of mind, so he bears it. He brings up a hand to pat at the kid’s back, trying to calm him down. Varian doesn’t seem ready to move quite yet though, so they sit a while longer, Eugene slowly rocking them back and forth. He remembers his own mother doing that motion with him as a kid, before they’d been separated, before he’d lost her-

 Varian sniffles, pulling back and wiping at his face. Eugene lets him go, only missing the warmth a little.

 “Next time,” Varian gasps wetly, his breath still hitching, “We go around the death trap, okay?” 

 Eugene laughs, tugging the kid into a proper hug, one hand coming up to ruffle rain drenched hair. He feels Varian relax against him, settling into the hug with a small sigh. Eugene feels something in him settle at the feeling of the kid safe in his arms, but doesn’t push himself too hard in trying to figure out what it is. Instead he lets himself enjoy it, squeezing the kid tight once more.

 “Sounds good,” he says. 

 >>>><<<<

 The rain only gets worse as the afternoon goes on. Eugene huffs, looking at the sky as a crack of lightning lights up the dark sky for a split second. A rumble of thunder follows soon after, long and loud in a way that makes Eugene nervous. It’s only just the start of the evening, usually Eugene would want to press ahead for at least another few hours before setting up camp, but a chance look behind him stops that idea in its tracks.

 Varian looks pathetic, to be blunt. The kid shivers in his thin hoodie, soaked to the bone. His hair’s plastered to his head by the rain, skin looking even paler than normal in the dull light; Eugene can’t help but sigh when the kid catches his stare and forces a smile with chattering teeth. 

 “Alright.” Eugene concedes, “We’re stopping for the night.” 

 Varian perks up at the sound of a break, his shoulders lifting. Eugene looks around for a second more, squinting through the rain with a frown. A little way off, maybe half a click down the street, a lone farmhouse stands. Perfect. 

 “C’mon kid.” He says, “Almost done, we’ll get something warm to eat and keep going in the morning.” 

 They trudge through the muddy remnants of the street, the cracked asphalt long since split down the middle by countless storms over the years. It’s obviously off the beaten path, though that was by Eugene’s design. Less likely to be spotted, on their current route. It’s a quick walk despite the rough terrain, and they eventually come up to the house.

 It’s obviously been abandoned for a long while. It’s a traditional looking farmhouse made of a thick stone base and wooden beams in an almost Victorian style, tall and thin with a large wraparound porch surrounding it. A majority of the windows are long since shattered, and the door’s literally missing, but it’ll do for the night. Another clap of thunder rings out, startling them both. They’ve got to get out of the rain, Varian especially with his hoodie unable to provide a lot of warmth. 

 The kid already looks half frozen, noticeably shivering even as they draw up to the farmhouse. Once on the porch, Eugene holds out a hand, gesturing to the kid to stop. Varian pauses, looking at Eugene with apprehensive confusion as the man draws his sword. 

 “Hold on,” Eugene says. “We don’t know if anyone else had the same idea as us. Just let me check everything out first, then we’ll set up shop.” 

 Varian, probably too cold to argue, simply nods and huddles under the roof of the porch. The kid seems content to have a roof over him, even if he’s still outside. Eugene sighs. He ruffles the kid’s hair before turning and disappearing into the house. Varian bats at his hand with a good-natured expression, but watches with a nervous face as Eugene vanishes into the dark.

 The house is empty inside, thankfully. Eugene’s not sure he could handle a fight right now. The inside is just as busted up as the outside, furniture rotted and floorboards warped to shit. It’s by no means five-star accommodations, but it’ll more than do for the night. He quickly finishes a sweep of the house and, deeming it safe, returns to Varian to usher the kid inside. 

 They end up sitting at the fireplace of the old homestead, probably in what was once a livingroom. There’s the old, wooden frame of a couch in there with them, a few chairs with the last of what were once pillows still clinging. It’s a big enough room, plenty of space for the two of them. Hell, Varian even manages to find them blankets from an upstairs closet, a rare enough comfort that it’s considered a treat. Soon enough they have a rudimentary base camp going in the ghost of the living room, more than enough to be comfortable for the night.

 Eugene drags the wooden frame of the couch over, so they have something to rest against for the night. He looks over to where Varian bends over the cold hearth, fiddling. The kid uses the knife Eugene had given him to crack at a piece of flint, small sparks lighting tinder quickly. Varian smiles, his face aglow with a warm, orange light. 

 Eugene flops down with a groan, rolling his shoulders. Catching Varian on the bridge had done a number on his left arm, not that Eugene would complain about it. His eyes shut of their own accord, the firelight dancing through his vision as fluttering shadows through his eyelids. Without looking he throws a hand out, searching for his bag. 

 He hears Varian snicker, and then the bag is in his hand. Eugene cracks his eye open and smiles, dragging it closer and leafing through it.

 “Alright kid, what’ll it be?” He asks. “We have a bit of the steak left, or there’s some hard-tack, the jerky, or… well that’s pretty much it, I was thinking the fish could be for tomorrow, since that’ll be the night before we Corona.” 

 Varian gnaws at his bottom lip, shifting awkwardly. Oh, right, the food thing. Eugene can’t help but sigh, considerably over whatever this issue was.

 “Okay.” Eugene huffs, exasperated. “What’s with you? You’re the only person I’ve ever met that isn’t excited at free food, even before the blackout. What’s the deal?” 

 Varian freezes a little. He looks like a rabbit caught in a trap, all darting eyes and fidgeting fingers. After a brief silence the kid snaps out of it, looking Eugene dead in the eye. He still looks nervous, but as he slouches down next to Eugene Varian begins to slowly speak.

 “When Andrew and the Saporians… uh, yeah- when they attacked Corona, I told you they pretended they needed help, right?” Eugene nods. Varian grimaces. “Yeah. So we trusted them, including the things they did to help us. We had them helping us with a lot of projects, construction mostly since they were bigger… stronger.” He pauses, thinking something though. “We didn’t know they’d been using that as a chance to rig half the town to burn on command.”

 “Oh.” 

 “Yeah. When everyone was distracted with dinner one night, they set half the town on fire to draw everyone away. I wasn’t at dinner, so Andrew uh… well he brought me some tea, said it would be good to drink something. It was uh, well it was drugged.” Varian’s face crumbles, looking devastated. The kid shakes. “I trusted him, and he tricked me. It’s how they got me out of Corona.” 

 “Oh.” 

 Varian face is drawn, sad. He shudders, though this time Eugene’s sure it’s not the cold. Varian’s arms wrap tightly around himself, the kid looking haunted as he stares unseeingly into the fire. 

 “And it’s not that I don’t- I trust you, Eugene, I do- but something about being offered food… I’m sorry.” 

 Eugene sighs. Leans back against the couch. Puzzles for a second as to what to say, before finally just deciding to wing it. He’s not great with the touchy-feely, sure, but he’s willing to try for the kid.

 “Nothing to be sorry for. It sounds like they weren’t the most gracious hosts.” He says. Varian snorts, his face splitting into a wry smile. 

 “You could say that.” 

 Eugene catches as the kid tugs at his sleeves, covering the pale-yellow remnants of bruises. Something in him pangs. 

 “You said they wanted you for… what, inventions?” 

 Varian nods. Grits his teeth.

 “Weapons.” He spits the word out like it’s bitter. “Running water. A hot air balloon. Anything Andrew wanted, I had to create it. They threatened to kill me if I didn’t, and if that wasn’t enough to motivate me then they threatened my family instead. I didn’t want to.” He looks to Eugene with a desperate eye, pleading with the man to believe him. “They gave me no choice, if I didn’t-”

 “You’re not to blame.” Eugene cuts the kid off. Varian’s mouth snaps shut with a click of teeth. He looks at Eugene like he’s insane, but keeps silent. Eugene looks at him, locking eyes in a way that dares Varian to look away. He can’t help the spark of pride when Varian doesn’t so much as flinch.

 “You’re not to blame.” He repeats. “Andrew and his cronies are. You kept yourself alive, and that’s what matters. Sometimes we make sacrifices to see another day, and that’s what it means to survive. Don’t ever feel wrong about that.” 

 “They’ve hurt so many people-” 

 “And they were going to hurt you. It’s not a crime to keep yourself in one piece.” 

 Varian sighs. He looks down and picks at the heel of his boot, leaning closer to Eugene. “Isn’t it selfish?” He asks quietly, “To put yourself ahead of other people?” 

 “It’s the way of the wastes.” Eugene shrugs. “Selfish-and-alive will always trump kind-and-dead.” 

 “Then… why did you help me?” 

 “Ah, nope, we’re not talking about me.” Eugene can’t help but tense when Varian smiles a little from the deflection. “No, shush. You’re a meal ticket.” 

 “Okay.” Varian says. He smiles wider. Shit.

 Eugene reaches in his bag again, pulling out the last of their dried meat as a distraction. “Just for that we’re eating the leather strips.” He declares, laughing when Varian splutters in protest. “Nope, you dug this hole, goggles. Time to lay in it.” 

 Varian scowls, but when Eugene quietly offers some of the rations, he takes it without question. Something in Eugene’s chest warms when he does, though he refuses to make a big deal out of it. They eat quietly in the light of the fire, Varian sniffling as the last of the cold finally leeches away from their bones. Eugene sighs at the comfort of a roof over his head, a warm fire, and a full belly, closing his eyes and leaning harder against the couch. 

 He hears a small shuffle. For a second he wants to move, shift away from whatever the hell Varian’s doing, but then the kid just ends up leaning against Eugene’s arm. He shudders again, still chilly in the evening air. Eugene sighs, and lifts his arm up. 

 Varian takes the chance, snuggling close as Eugene wraps an arm around the kid’s shoulders. 

 “Don’t get used to this.” Eugene mutters as Varian gets comfortable. “I’m only doing this because I’m cold.” 

 “Sure, Eugene.” Varian says quietly. Eugene feels small hands come up to innocently hold onto the cloth of his jacket, Varian curling into his chest.

 They sit like that for a long while, Eugene watching the fire as it burns bright in the brick hearth of the farmhouse. Varian’s a light weight at his side, small and warm and safe in a way that brings Eugene a sense of peace that permeates his whole being. Something about being a hundred percent positive that Varian’s safe and sound brings a strange air of calm to Eugene, one he hadn’t felt in years, hell in a decade. It’s a serene aura, a sense of quiet that envelops him and relaxes him down to the soul. 

 Eugene, half asleep despite the early hour, pulls the kid closer subconsciously, and lets himself drift off. 

[themechaneer]

𝚝𝚊𝚐 𝚜𝚒𝚡 𝚖𝚞𝚗𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚋𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛. 𝚛𝚎𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚝, 𝚍𝚘 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚛𝚎𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚐.

𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞  »  CAS.

𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐞/𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧  »  honestly thus far joel is. with past muses i loved them a lot but joel is the first oc i’ve ever brought to the tumblr rpc. i’m an insecure thing and definitely used to struggle a lot with duplicate anxiety and riding that fine line between making my portrayal of my muses unique without turning them ooc as well as my writing in general and feeling like it was good enough as is. with joel I don’t have that problem. there is no other muse like joel because he’s completely my own. same goes with my writing. im not constantly secnd guessing how i write him or decisions i make for his canon because he’s being built as i go and as i get to know him rather than being a canon character set in stone. it’s been seriously freeing and i’m having a blast.

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐨𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐞  »  death stranding. that was literally it. i was blown away by the level of depth and relevance in the universe within the game that i knew i wanted to write in it as soon as i started playing in it. as i got more into the game and learned more of its lore and how things worked i slowly started building this oc in my mind. i knew i wanted him to feel organic to the game, like it was weird that he wasn’t canon to it without shoving into the spaces of the main characters or the main storyline because he has his own function outside that narrative and his own story to tell and so far i’m pleased and feel i have managed that.

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐚𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐞  »  i have a seriously deep love for edgy and amoral/greymoral muses but their personalities and voices and views on things were definitely work to write and never came nearly as easy to me as joel does. it’s definitely no coicidence that i started building up joel during 2020 with everything that was going on because i knew i wanted to get back to rping and writing as an escape and as a hobby but i didn’t have it in me to pick up any of my more cynical and negative muses. after how many of those i’ve written joel was like a breath of fresh air.

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭’𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠  »  the game death stranding for sure. i mean it’s what inspired his whole creation. but also music. i honestly can’t write anything without music and when it comes to joel that means his blog playlist, his singing vc nathan wagner, and whateve gets the creativity going tbh. also my rp partners, their muses, their writing, my threads with them. im a plot and narrative driven rper and i gotta be excited to see where things go in a thread and gotta have that ooc chemistry and know im not the only one and to that end i literally have THE BEST RP PARTNERS ON THIS SITE.

𝐛𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐠𝐠𝐥𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐞  »  thus far i really havent come up on any struggles when it comes to writing joel specifically so much as writing in general. i have ADD which makes the focus for writing kinda hard to find and harder to maintain unless the stars align just right. it’s a big part of the reason i take ages to reply to anything but thankfully as i said i have the best rp partners/mutuals who trust me when i tell them its not like of interest and readily give me all the time i ever need to give them a reply i feel is worth the wait, if i had to pick something rp/joel specific it would probably be his verse itself. tragically not a lot of people have played death stranding so there aren’t a lot of people familiar with the verse. i feel very blessed by the mutuals i have who are familiar with the game and bless me with canon character muses for joel to interact with, and even more so by those intrigued enough by the game and love joel enough to wanna play it for themselves and make a verse for it. honestly those are the friends that hold a very dear place in my heart in how much i appreciate them. but yeah as much as i love our small corner of the rpc being so intimate it would be nice if it was a little bigger just because it is his home/main verse and with it being set up as it is i feel without the backstory and what all joel has been through canonly that i kinda lose big portions of his personality writing in other verses even if i enjoy them a lot.

Tagged by: @fourrarri thank you regg ;w; Tagging: @iidolum​  , @hebled , @artivexed , @helenaiism , @trcstfunded , @kxruyucu , @celestieu , @phantomdream , @altrider , @strandsoffaith , @goldenmasked , @p0914 , @gunsway , @thunderbringer , @shearise

[tellywoodtrash]

immj2 12.11.20 lb

well………….. let’s get this the fuck over with. isske baad pls god let this show go back to their random tuchchi saazishein. mere se itna action jhela nahi jaata.

ok back to dead inside vansh who is analyzing every single interaction with riddhima and musing about DHOKAAAAAAA DHOKAAAAAAAA DHOKAAAAAAAA

lmaoooooooooooooooooooooooo kabir is like “itne saalon se tum mere liye itneeee bade sardard the, but finally ab khel khatam.” dude i love this caviler fucker.

but tell me these caps don’t look like kabir expressing a whole other sentiment:

damnnnnn, dat chemistry. seriously, 10x what riddhima has with vansh. i am so mad that we’re not getting these two as endgame.

aaaaaand the handcuffs are out. mmmhmmmm. kinky!

mummy be like ARRE AISE KAISE TUM DONO HI SAARE OSCARS LOOTOGE KYA, MERE KO BHI CHAHIYE I AM ALSO PERFORMERR and throwing herself in front of vansh and giving passionate defense.

this one also like chalo my turn nowwwwww.

human angry bird is like NOT ON MY WATCH YOU FUCK.

DUDE WHAT ARE THESE LOOKS THEY’RE GIVING EACH OTHER THERE’S SO MUCH SEXUAL TENSION HERE I CAN’T TAKE IT

asljdaslkjdlaskjdlaskjdlaskjldkj kabirrrrrrrrrrrr’s internal monologue: “haath mein hathkadi lag gayi, phir bhi tashan nahi gaya tumhara” hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

RIDDHIMA IS STILL FUCKING RUNNING. FROM FUCKING BANDRA, WHERE THE FACTORY OR WHATEVER WAS, TO BLOODY ANDHERI, WHERE THE VR MANSION IS. DUDE, MUMBAI MARATHON CHAL RAHA HAI KYA IDHAR????????

unf the way kabir pushed vansh towards the van. big Top energy.

THIS SCENE HAS JUST SOOOOOOO MUCH FUCKING SEXUAL TENSION I’M LITERALLY HERE LIKE

LIKE I’M REALLY FEELING SOME KINDA FUNNY WAY, THAT I’VE NEVER FELT IN THE VANSH/RIDDHIMA SCENES.

oh yeah in between that mummy was doing some more mother india acting, ki iski sazaa mujhe de dijiye and all, but HONESTLY WHO CAN PAY ATTN TO THAT MESS WHEN THERE’S BHAAARI SEX EYES GOING ON HERE???????

ok now that they’ve driven away, i’ll focus on her. yes, very cool acting. iss saal ka manikchand gutka jio fiama di wills colors golden petal stardust whatever the fuck award aapke hi liye.

riddhima also managed to medal in the marathon, and reach justttttttt as they pull outta the gates.

back to the Sexy Van™

ohhhhhhhhhhh boyyyyyyy, kabir instructing mishra to go off the path.

“vansh raisinghania, apne life ke sabse bade adventure ke liye taiyaar ho jao.”

DUDE THESE TWO ARE KINKY AS FUCK.

lmao vansh is like don’t write checks you can’t cash, don’t be promising orgasms you won’t be giving, “dhamki toh dhang ki dete.”

“vansh tumhe andaaza nahi ki kitni shiddat ke saath maine aaj ke din ka intezaar kiya hai. aaj meri zindagi ka sabse bada din hai!”

well damn, me too. i didn’t know that this was the pairing i was gonna end up shipping SO HARD but here we are!

ok mummy has seen riddhima and she tries to shoot her but riddhima drove the fuck away. good for her.

they have reached that random maidaan where every outdoor sequence on tellywood happens.

mishra can you gtfooooooooo from in between the hot boy sandwich??????

this dude is hottest when his eyes squinty.

OUFFFFFFFFFFFF THE SMILESSSSSSSSSS

TBH I’M NOT EVEN PAYING ATTN TO THE TRASH TALK THEY’RE DOING I’M JUST HERE LIKE KISS KISS KISS KISS KISS KISS KISS KISS

kabir freeing him, which nooooooooooooo, i wanted to see some hot handcuff actionnnnnn. vansh is as disappointed as i am.

anyway some searing indictments of our country’s legal system by kabir, about no matter how much proof he collects, rich ppl anyway get away with whatever. and so will vansh. sooooooo, he’s like i just needed to arrest you and break your ego, blah blah. which, yeah right. like anyone with one working brain cell doesn’t know you’re gonna shoot him down in an encounter for trying to flee police custody.

some more flirty banter. and then……..

yup.

damn, those some cat-like reflexes.

vansh like, i knew your bitch ass would pull some shit like this.

fuck fuck fuck fuck so much sexy him walking up to the gun like that.

ofc there have to be some BE A MAN type dumbass dhamkis. you know what real men do??? KISS THEIR RIVALS WHOM THEY HAVE THIS MUCH HOMOEROTIC TENSION WITHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

DANG KABIR HESITATEDDDDDDDD. HE COULDN’T DO IT. IT’S RIGHT OUTTA THE FIGHT SCENE BEFORE THE SEX SCENE IN MR. AND MRS. SMITHHHHHH.

aaaaaand that pause was enough for vansh to start beating the fuck outta him. yeah i don’t care. the only thing i wanna see you two wrestle is TONGUES.

mmmmmmhmmmmm just a lil closer, come onnnnn you stupid fucks.

ok they’re back to pounding on each other IN THE NON FUN WAY so fwding.

aaaaaaaaand riddhima is following her special Vansh Tracker App. I REALLY DON’T CARE.

told y’all K had Big Top Energy. oh yeahhhhhhhhhh, choke him, daddy!

ok they back to hitting each other.

ooooh nice callback to that firstttt fight they had where kabir threw sand in vansh’s eyes and then vansh fought blindfolded.

back to sexy banter.

“dil, dimaag, aur taaqat. teeno hi tumse kayiiii zyaada hai mujh mein.” LIFE MEIN CONFIDENCE CHAHIYE, TOH OF AN RICH, UPPER CASTE, MALE PSYCHOPATH ON TELLYWOOD.

he’s walking backwards to the edge of the cliff as he keeps talking. sigh.

“dushman mein woh dum kahan ke mera kuch bigaad sake. woh toh apne the jo dagaa de gaye, sazza de gaye.” waaaaaah waaaaaah!!!! THE PSYCHOPATH WAS A POET AND WE DIDN’T KNOW IT!

walking back some more.

“main aaj bhi vansh raisinghania hi hoon. meri maut bhi mujhse pooch ke mere paas aati hai.” this fucker nicolas flamel or what, with the philosopher’s stone????

“kissi tuchche insaan ki gun se chali goli ko ijaazat nahi ke meri jaan le sake. maine apni zindagi khud banaayi hai, kabir; aur iske aage kya hoga naa tum decide karoge, na tumhare haath mein yeh pistol. the choice is mine.”

pehli baar this dude’s tashan has been effective for me. IT’S COZ THE DIALOGUE DELIVERY IS MEASURED AND HE’S SAYING IT FULL OF MIRTH, INSTEAD OF GRINDING HIS TEETH AND YELLING. SEEE WHAT A FUCKING DIFFERENCE IT MAKES????????

anyway kabir is like, cool, your funeral. as vansh continues to walk backwards. it’s hilarious kabir thinks he has anyyyy control in this scene anymore.

le. aa gayi. dhaaansu scene kharaab karne.

vansh having ALL TEH FLASHBACKS. poor sad eyed puppy.

“tum log kya kar rahe ho?!!?!?” BITCH THEY WERE ABOUT TO GET IT ON, BUT NOW NO THANKS TO YOU……………….

blah blah usual ishq nahi aasaan aag ka dariya hai doob ke jaana hai blah blah from piya psychopath

“aaj apne dhoke ke aag ki dariya mein dubo hi diya na tumne mujhe, riddhima?”

i’m sure this is some kasautiii kinda metaphor, ki they’re working together, or like….. he actually does trust her… or some such shit, but i can’t be arsed to analyse anything with this dumbass show. it doesn’t deserve it.

kabir watching this whole angst ridden scene with such horny eyes, i can’t even…………………

obligatory placement of show naam. tashan mein usko lete lete, JAI MATA DIIIIIIIIIIIII, LET’S ROCK.

if this isn’t the Biggest Mood for 2020, idk what is. vansh finally being relatable to the rest of us normals.

yeah whatever. i really don’t care about you. i’m more devastated ki when will i get such a KaValicious sexual tension filled episode next??!?!?!?!!? probably next fucking year now. ugh. bloody waste show, forcing us to watch this het bullshit.

let’s end this with a nice pic of this face. i think we’ve all earned it.

[kaaras-adaar]

KNOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER. REPOST DO NOT REBLOG !!

NAME:  Owl, K, Kmod.

PRONOUNS: He/Him

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION: I don’t mind. If it’s first interactions, I assume IM’s and asks is totally an okay way to communicate with me. If I feel we’re in for the long haul, then I’ll offer my discord (or add you if you offer). I generally only chat on discord with mutuals, tho. I will say, I’m REALLY antisocial. Some days, I’m too tired to reply/talk, even tho I’m online. My work is incredibly taxing when it comes to my people metre, so please never take offence if I’m not responding. Sometimes I’m online but not at my PC as well. I will reply when I can. Just know it’s not you, it’s 100% me! Ask all of my close RP buddies, and I’m sure they’ll all agree :’D 

NAME OF MUSE(s):  Kaaras Taashath Adaar 

RP EXPERIENCE/HOW LONG (MONTHS / YEARS?):  Oof... wow, I think I started Rping back in... maybe 2008? 

PLATFORMS YOU’VE USED:  DevART notes, email, livejournal, MSN, Skype, MERP forum, chat rooms, Tumblr. 

BEST EXPERIENCE:  Probably the people I have met here in the DARP community. Some of you are my closest friends, and I find that even with distance and time between us, we can still pick up like we’ve never stopped, and I really love that. Real life is busy and sometimes you just can’t talk all the time, and you guys understand that. I miss my days in the Transformers fandom, but mostly because I was younger and more carefree (the place was very toxic). Being able to write Kaaras has been such an amazing experience over the years, and I’m a lot wiser for it. 

PET PEEVES/DEALBREAKERS: Pet peeves, too much ooc content and too many RL (modern) FC posts on my dash. I don’t mind fantasy/medieval ones, but when I see FC’s with mobiles in a world I don’t write in, it feels very out of place for me. I have a really odd thing with FCs. Not a deal breaker, though. Dealbreakers?  Just don’t be a cunt. If you’re policing people how to write and being a cunt on my dash, I’m not interested. Callout posts are childish no matter who you are. I don’t care for your excuses and your white knightery. I’m too old for that shit, and it looks disgusting even if you’re trying to take the moral high ground. Just unfollow and be done with it. You don’t like the way they said or write something, then act like an adult and deal with it maturely. Leave the high school drama at high school. Politics is also a big thing that is starting to piss me off as well. I work hard every day, in healthcare, in the middle of a pandemic, on the front line... the last fucking thing I want to do when I get home is see bullshit politics on my dash when I deal with fuck heads all day at work. I’m here to WRITE and enjoy myself, not deal with the real world and its politics, let alone seeing people ‘splain. If I wanted to deal with that, I’d just stay at work all day. 

FLUFF, ANGST OR SMUT:  All. I’m a fan of all of it, so long as there’s chemistry between the characters and we’re going somewhere with it.

PLOTS OR MEMES:  I love both. Admittedly, memes are probably the best ice breakers for me, because I don’t have a lot of time to plot anymore--that and being so tired from work makes my brain frizzle out and I can’t even THINK of plots. Memes spike interest because some of the best PLOTS have come from memes. Both have their place, I’m just a tired old man who can’t think of plots much anymore, which is sad because I used to have so many ideas. Whether it’s because I’ve been writing Kaaras for so long that nothing seems new anymore? Or I’m just very tired and my poor, Aspie brain is too filled for new ideas to come in. IDK. But memes are a good way to start things! Also, they can be really random which makes Kaaras react in ways I’m surprised! But once we write a few times, then plots will be sure to come, and I do love discussing them! When I have the brain capacity :( 

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES:  Unless it’s just short bits of dash commentary or a one-off, I prefer longer threads. It’s difficult for me to delve into anything in a short reply. (Fox pretty much hit the nail on the head, so I’m keeping their response here).

BEST TIME TO WRITE: Whenever I have a day off work. Fridays are generally my best, because I’m home alone and have all the space to myself. Weekends I need to do errands, groceries and like to spend some time with my partner playing games or whatever. Generally speaking, Monday--Thursday I’m pretty dead tired. 

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S):  In some ways, for sure. We both have very high moral compasses, and we both see people as people. Kaaras has a lot more patience than I do, and is certainly kinder and more forgiving. We are both neurodivergent, and we both require our alone time to recharge. Kaaras is far more poetic than I could ever wish to be, and we’re both very blunt (although Kaaras is better at dealing with confrontation than I am). I would say that we can both be very quick to detatch ourselves from anyone/thing that is toxic as well. Both of us are absolutely fuelled with rage when it comes to seeing innocent people being harmed as well--he definitely gets that from me lol. We both love animals and have farm experience. But we are also VERY different in many ways, too. 

Tagged by: @ravusnightblossom​  Tagging:. @many-tales-told​ @sunlilted​ @andrastehope​ @aylenlavellan​ @dragonagedmage​ @wolf-at-worlds-end​ @wclfdreamt​ @nehraa-asaaranda​ and anyone else! Tag me so I can read! <3 

[khadij-al-kubra]

Worst Impressions are the First (ch 6)

Main Characters: Logan, Patton, Roman, Virgil (Human AU)

Pairings: Romantic LAMP

Words: 5518

Author’s Note: *Shuffles in, hijab haphazardly wrapped, wearing a fleece hoodie over rumpled pajamas, carrying a mug that reads “I write, what’s your superpower” and wearing one slipper.* Hey folks. So um. Yeah. I know it’s been, well, a LONG while. Apologies. I have no excuse other than this last semester of grad school and my part time gig kicked my ass, stole most of my free time, and possibly my left shoe. But I haven’t forgotten this fic or all of you incredibly wonderful and patient readers. And trust me when I say that I have made the wait worth it. Plus I’m on break now and already plotting out the next chapter, and I know exactly how I plan to progress with it, right down to the number of chapters left. Can I get a wahoo? *Yawns and takes a long drink of strongly brewed black tea* Once again, thank you SO much for your patience and love, and enjoy the lovelorn chaos from our favorite gays. ^_^ (also, if for some reason the tag link isn’t working for you, please let me know)

AO3

<=PREV

Chapter 6 - (POV Patton)

The fire in your eyes

Like a grave digger’s lantern

Your passion revives…me

“Gosh dang it, one syllable too many,” Patton muttered to himself over the notepad.

He felt a staccato of taps on his arm; a signal for when the world was silenced by Patton’s big headphones and Roman wanted to talk to him. He took them off, giving his soulmate his full attention. That was still so nice to say and put an actual face to. My soulmate.

“Problem, dear heart?” Roman asked from the seat next to him. The new term of endearment made Patton blush, but he loved it.

“Nah, just tweaking a new haiku,” he said. “I want it to be perfect for my muse.”

Now Roman was the one blushing. “Well I’m sure when it’s done it will be as wonderful as everything else that’s made by your hands.”

It had been barely two days since he and Roman discovered they were each other’s soulmates (or at least one of them), but since then they had spent every spare moment getting to know each other. From walking to classes together to spending free periods together, and Patton’s mother had even insisted on inviting Roman over for dinner just last night. When Roman had complimented the pasta Patton helped cook, saying he could taste the love poured into each noodle, his heart felt near to bursting. It was such a short amount of time getting to know each other, yet Patton felt as though he’d known Roman for eons all throughout past lives.

Who knew being with your soulmate could make you feel so alight inside?  

“Thank you for sneaking me your Tupperware of leftovers, Patton,” said Roman, covertly twirling his plastic fork into the spaghetti under their table.

“No problem, kiddo,” said Patton.

Technically they weren’t allowed food in the library during study hall except for water. Unless you had a blood sugar problem or something. Still, Patton was willing to break a tiny rule if it was for his soulmate’s well being. And maybe myself, he thought, sneaking bites from the napkin cookies on his lap.What? He’d had an Algebra test that morning. He earned a treat or two.

“Mom’s right, I do need to pack fuller lunches. I don’t know what’s up with my appetite lately. Least I’ve still got my figure.

“Maybe it s a puberty thiiiiiohmygosh it’s him.”

“Him who?”

“Look, but don’t look, over your shoulder.”

Roman sneakily looked over his shoulder and saw what Patton meant. It was Logan Berry, in all his brilliant glory, pulling out a book from the chemistry section. He looked lovely as always in a cream colored blouse, mint green skirt, and cherry blossom patterned neckerchief. The yellow gems of his bumblebee hair clip glittered under the ceiling light as it kept the ebony bangs out of his eyes.

Yet there was something off about Logan today. His face was neutral as always, but Patton noticed there was something slightly somber in his posture.

“Isn’t that supposed to be the school genius or something?” Roman asked.

“Debate club president,” Patton said wistfully.

“I’ve heard about his through tech club. He is really pretty! In a nerdy way.”

“Yeah, he sure is a lovely creature of nature.” Patton said with a sigh.

They must have been whispering louder than he realized, because suddenly Logan’s head was turned, and he was looking curiously at Patton. Oohhh gosh golly. He half hid behind his copy of Wuthering Heights.

“Patton my dear, you sound positively smitten.” Roman said, turning back around. “Not that I blame you really.”

Patton chuckled, unable to stop staring at his crush. “Guilty. Have been for awhile.”

“Say, you don’t suppose Logan could be one of our mysterious shared soulmates, maybe the one from yesterday, do you?”

“Maybe, but I don’t think we have the same lunch time as—Ohhh Lemony Snickett, he’s coming this way!”

“What? Here? Now? Does my hair look good?”

Patton considered himself to be pretty good at reading people on an emotional level, but Logan was usually like a tightly bound journal, difficult to look into. Except this time it was clear he did not look too happy with them. Before he could gage deeper as to why, Logan was at their table. Patton had never been this close to Logan before, never had the chance to make real mutual eye contact.

Logan’s stoic gaze went back and forth between them. His brave little Prince was mumbling Disney lyrics under his breath and clearly trying so hard not to clam up. Guess it’s up to me. Patton grasped for some sort of ice-breaker good enough for Logan. Something friendly, intelligent and totally not off-putting like he normally was.

“Umm…cookie?” Patton asked, holding up his cookie napkin in peacemaker offering.

“I don’t appreciate being stared at and spoken about behind my back.” Logan said sharply, staring pointedly at him.

“So that’s a no on the cookie.” Patton said, shrinking back.

“If you have something to say, you can express your mockeries to my face, because frankly I am in no mood for ignoring judgmental comments today.”

Ouch! Logan had never come across as the friendliest person ever, but Patton was definitely not expecting him to speak so coldly upon their fist meeting. And it hurt. Or it would have more so if Patton couldn’t tell from the look in Logan’s eyes that he was actually upset about something more than just people whispering.

“H-hey, don’t talk to my soulmate like that!” Roman said, voice cracking. He was loud enough to be shushed from another table. Yet for once, Roman didn’t duck his head down in shyness. “I-in fact, you shouldn’t talk to anymore like that, or make such harsh assumptions yourself, Mister Sub-Astute-Teacher.”

Logan turned to Roman. “I beg your pardon?”

“We weren’t gossiping about you, or whatever it is you think we were doing. If anything we were complimenting you. I mean- well yeah-yes! We were. But that was before you came at us so rudely with your negative assumptions. Just because you’re the debate club president or whatever doesn’t give you the right to talk to people like that.”

Wow. Patton had never had someone stand up for him like that before. And he’d never seen Roman be so, well, unabashedly vocal, even when people were watching. I am so proud!

Logan looked taken aback, ashamed even. “I-I apologize.”

“Yeah, you should, Blaise Pastel. And another...thing?” Roman cut himself off suddenly.

Patton was about to ask Roman what was wrong when he felt the tell tale tingle on his arm. He pulled up his sleeve and sure enough, another new soulthought was there, tattooed in navy blue ink: ‘Hm. Brontë. Excellent taste.’

“Patton,” Romans said, tapping him excitedly. “Look!”

On Roman’s arm in the same navy blue read: ‘Interesting sweater choice.’ They beamed at each other. There was no doubt about it.

Then Logan coughed, and when they turned to look at him, he too was holding out his arm on display. Beneath two purple and sky blue soulmarks, the latter of which Patton recognized as his own, were letters in bright red: ‘Nerd—Pretty—Pretty nerd.’

“Well. It would appear that we have much to discuss. May I?” Logan asked, gesturing to an empty chair at their table.

Patton checked wordlessly with Roman if he was okay with it. The drama techie nodded. “Please.”

Logan pulled out the chair across from them and smoothed out his skirt as he sat. “So. It seems that we are all ineffably bonded to one another, judging from the matching color palettes in our soul thoughts. And you both are...”

“We’re together,” said Roman, reaching for Patton’s hand on the table and lacing their fingers. “We found each other just two days ago.”

Something flashes across Logan’s face, but it was gone before Patton could read more into it. “That is...quite fortuitous.”

“And we’d love for you to be apart of this too.” Patton said. “That is, if you’d be comfortable with that. We wouldn’t dare bind your heart to ours, regardless of being soulmates, if it wasn’t something you also wanted.”

“Or if you ended up being a jerk.”

“Roman!”

“Well he—

“It’s quite alright, um, Patton was it?” Logan asked. Patton nodded yes. “Roman is within his right to feel how he does. I did not exactly make the best first impression.”

“You can say that again.” Roman muttered.

“Now Roman, you and I didn’t exactly get off on the right foot either. In fact it left a lot to be desired.” Pattona said.

“But he—

“Deserves just as much a chance as we did. He is our soulmate after all. Alright?”

“Yes, dear.”

A low chuckle from Logan caught them both off guard. The beautiful brainy boy was covering his mouth demurely. The sight of Logan, who’d always been so sharp and alabaster cold, so softened by just his laughter alone was breathtaking. It set moths fluttering about in Patton’s tummy.

“What’s so funny?” Roman asked, brows furrowed.

Logan cleared his throat and adjusted his Warby Parkers. Hey, we have the same glasses!

“Apologizes, I am not laughing at you,” Logan said. “It is merely that, well, for a moment there your bickering reminded me of my mothers. Which is quite remarkable given how, as you’ve said, you two have only known each other for two days.”

“Aw gee, it’s sweet of you to say that we remind you of your moms, Logan.” Patton said.

To think he and Roman already sounded like an old married couple. Sure it was all fast and new to him still, but he couldn’t help delighting at it. Would he get to share this same sort of bond with Logan? With his fourth unknown soulmate? He sure hoped so.

Still, he was so different from Roman. Even though Patton had been crushing on Logan fort ages, he seemed to have a much thicker wall. Could Patton ever be good enough to be invited in?

“So I take it from your reaction that you are not among the school’s percentage of ignoramuses that take offense to LGBT folk, such as myself and my mothers?” Logan asked.

“Pshh, puh-lease! I’m about as straight as this spaghetti,” said Roman, holding up a limp noodle hanging off his fork.

“You do know food is prohibited in the library.”

“And my brother Remus is a regular Ace of spades.” Roman continued, ignoring Logan. “Not that you’d ever guess it, with all the crude jokes he makes on his podcast.”

“Brother?” Patton and Logan asked.

“Trust me, the less you know about that internet troll the better.”

“As for me, said Patton, “well, just fry an egg on my head and call me pan.”

Roman nearly choked on his bite of food, cough laughing. Patton offered his bottle of water to him. Logan tilted his head to the side.

“Fry an—what? That isn’t—pan?” If there was a lightbulb over Logan’s head, it would have just clicked. “Oh good lord, was a that a pun comparing pansexuality to cookware?”

“Heh, guilty,” said Patton. “I’ve got ‘em by the dozens.”

Roman seemed to like Patton’s jokes, but Logan not so much. Patton had been trying real hard to make his jokes less dry and dark. Did Logan just not like puns, or did he not like him? Patton so wanted Logan to like him.

“Tawdry wordplay aside, I’m please to find that at least some of my soulmates are not ashamed to be themselves, unlike...”

Patton turns to Logan concerned, but he merely opened his book to a random page and pretended to read it. He was clearly holding something back, but Patton didn’t want to push him into talking. He already felt like on thin ice.

“Unlike who?” Roman asked. “Does it have to do with your soulmate?”

“You’ll have to be more specific,” said Logan, not looking up.

Roman rolled his eyes. “The one with the purple writing. Don’t think I didn’t notice that. Patton and I both have thought tattoos in the same color, and if you know who are third soulmate is, then don’t you think we have a right to know who they are as well?”

Logan closed the book. He looked at them for a moment, then sighed. “That is more than fair. Alright. It’s...”

He leaned in close to them, and in a low voice whispered a name that Patton was surprised to hear.

“VIRGIL!?” Roman shouted. Logan palmed his forehead.

A neighboring table shushed them and at least two students milling about the stacks gave them odd looks. Patton tugged his hat down and Roman slunk down bashfully. Baby steps, Roman. Baby steps. They probably would’ve gotten more than odd looks if not for Logan giving the more nosy students a steely glare.

“Would you kindly think before you open your infinitesimally loud mouth next time?” Logan asked.

He knows that word actually means really small, right? Patton thought.

“Well excuse me for being shocked that the Stormcloud of South Bay High is our mysterious soulmate.” Roman said, using his backstage voice. “I mean, look at us and look at him.”

“I have,” Logan said.

“And you’re still in one piece? After being alone with an unnerving ruffian like him?”

“FALSEHOOD!”

The sudden outburst startled Patton nearly out of his skin, and Roman actually fell out of his seat, spaghetti almost flying. The school librarian shushed Logan pointedly, and he apologized to her profusely, being luck enough to to get off with just a warning as her model library goer.

“He is not like that.”  Logan said. “Yes, he is among the athletic clique but he is by no means a brute. He is intelligent and sweet and...gentle.”

“It’s true Roman,” said Patton. “I haven’t talked to him much myself, but I sit behind him in English Lit., and he’s never been mean to anyone in class.”

Patton pictured the anxious kiddo in his mind. How fidgety he got, the way his back tensed when being called on even if he knew the answer, and especially the lost lonely look in his eyes.

“Actually, when he’s not huddled in with his buddies, Virgil’s even more awkward than you can be.”

“Augh!” Roman gasped offendedly. “Patton, you wound my pride. Wait, was that a compliment or?”

“Does that mean you’ve talked with Virgil then?” Patton asked Logan.

“Indeed. We officially met—coincidentally—on Wednesday, realized we are soulmates, and spent Study Hall yesterday getting to know one another. It was quite...enjoyable.”

Then something happened that Patton would’ve gone so far as to call a little miracle: he saw Logan smiling. It was small but softened his angular face oh so nicely. Seeing Logan’s smile was like watching a sunrise. If Patton hadn’t been in puppy love with Logan before he definitely was now.

Then the overcast came, and stone faced Logan was back. “That is until some of his neanderthal brethren in lettermen’s happened upon us, and Virgil revealed the coward he truly is; ashamed of himself and ashamed of me.”

The three of them went quiet, their snacks and studies long forgotten. The library clock ticked away, turning pages crinkled like autumn leaves, and somewhere somebody was not so sneakily smoking a joint. Of course his brave little Prince would be the first to break the silence.

“Sooo I take it that Virgil is deeper in the closet than Narnia,” said Roman.

“Precisely. And I refuse to belittle my self-worth by wasting my time on anyone who does not have the courage to be themselves, let alone be associated with me simply because I am not of the same socially constructed  high school status. I told him as much before leaving with my dignity intact.”

Patton tried to process this new information. It hurt his heart to hear the bitterness in Logan’s words, especially when he was so obviously trying to hide how hurt he really was. Yet even so...

“I understand where you’re coming from Logan, and I’m sorry that happened to you. But,” Patton bit his bottom lip, “Don’t you think you’re being a little harsh on Virgil?”

Logan raise a sharp eyebrow at him. “In what way am I being harsh?”

“Because, well, it’s not really your place to say when or how ‘out’ somebody should be. Even if he is your—our—soulmate.” Patton sat up straighter, blowing the curly bangs out of his eyes. “I mean, you probably came to this school already out of the closet, right? You’re used to to knowing how to handle yourself and others when they might talk bad about you. So it’s probably easier to feel like you’ve got the Pride high ground.”

“I...suppose I hadn’t considered it in that light.” said Logan. “Astute.”

“Yeah, top notch analysis there, Patton-cake,” said Roman.

“And yeah, we’ve got a modest little LGBT club and a small portion of the school has not so nice views of queer people,” Patton continued. “Which makes sense, I mean, this isn’t exactly New York. But you’ve gotta understand that Virgil is smack dab in the middle of that crowd. He probably feels like it might not be as safe for him to be out as it would be for someone like you; the debate club champ and smartest kid in school who’s also in good standing with the teachers. ...Or someone like me; the creepy emo kid that everyone treats like a ghost or is too scared of to bother with anyways.”

Lonely as it was, being invisible did have its advantages. Patton felt Roman wrap a deceptively strong arm around him, nothing but tenderness in his eyes. Well, not so invisible anymore. Patton smiled and leaned his head on Roman’s broad shoulder.

“Honestly, I see Patton’s point. Sure, I get teased by those guys all the time for being perceived as gay—not that they’re wrong—but people have picked on me for plenty of other reasons over the years.”

Roman paused for moment, using one hand to wipe his large glasses on his swirly patterned sweater vest.

“Look at me. I’m a scrawny, shy, Disney obsessed theater nerd, and not even one of the leading actor elites. I knew going in that I was bound for the bottom of the social food chain no matter what I did, so I figured, why not at least allow myself to be my full rainbow self, albeit quietly? Sure, I haven’t officially come out yet, but it’s not like I’d have much more to lose when I do. But Virgil? He has everything to lose.”

Logan sat back in his chair, mulling over their imput. Pattons was worried that he might have offended Logan somehow. He wasn’t storming away from their table, so that was a good sign. Maybe Patton should apologize anyways.

BRIIIING

Study hall was officially at an end. Students packed up their bags, and returned or checked out books. Meanwhile the librarian ushered any stragglers out so she could prepare the space for any Friday electives that would be taking place there.

“I have to get to class,” said Logan, gathering his things. “It was good meeting you both. You’ve given me much to think about. Perhaps we might converse again sometime?”

“No problem Specs. Where are you off to next?” Roman asked, closing up the Tupperware and hanging it back to Patton.

“Um, U.S. History,” said Logan, adjusting his glasses.

“With Mr. Terrence? Me too.” Roman grabbed his classic Mickey backpack. “Maybe we can, um, walk over there together? I mean, since we’re headed the same direction.”

“I have no objections with that.”

“Onward then. Farewell, Patton dear.”

“Bye Roman. Uh, Logan, I—“

Before Patton could say anything more, his two soulmates were on their way out. With a sigh he grabbed his writing journal, book, and backpack before heading out himself in the opposite direction for his last two classes of the day. He had English Lit with Miss Valerie next. And Virgil, he thought, pulling his headphones over his ears. It was high time he and Virgil spoke for real.

* * * * *

Patton watched the clock on the wall tick tock away the last few minutes of class He gripped his stretched sleeve end into a black and grey paw with one hand, and doodled furiously in his notebook margins with the other. Did I overstep my boundaries? Patton wondered for the hundredth time since the middle of class. In front of him, Virgil nervously bounced his knee and kept chewing on his cuticles, sending a twinge of guilt through Patton’s chest.

Halfway through class while Miss Valerie was writing out notes on the board, he had carefully tossed a folded note onto Virgil’s desk. Luckily he’d always been more of a thrower than a catcher. The anxious athlete saw the slip of paper, unfolded its contents, and went rigid. He’d cast a quick wide eyed glance over his shoulder at Patton before turning back to the front. Virgil hadn’t looked at him again since.

BRIIIING

“Alright class, that’s it for today. Don’t forget, your essays about the symbolic significance of the Moores in Brontë‘s novel are due next week,” said Miss Valerie.

While the rest of the class rushed to leave, he and Virgil lingered behind, packing their backpacks slower till the coast was clear. They stood up at the same time, Patton clutching his journal to his chest, and Virgil hunched awkwardly.

“Hey, is there some place we can’t talk? Privately?” Vigil asked, his voice gravelly.

“Mhm. Just uh, follow me.” Patton said.

They walked out the classroom and through the crowded hallways, Patton in the lead and Virgil following a foot behind. Murmurings of between bells chatter and tinny locker taps filled his ears. Two hallways later, Patton pulled Virgil round a courier and into the Nurses Office.

Flickering fluorescent ceiling lights cast shadows around the off-white walls. The only decorations were an anatomy poster, a poster of a cute bat dressed in a nurse’s cap, and the skeleton onesie clad teddy bear Nurse Talyn kept for students in emotional distress. Patton called him Mr Fluffybones. There were chairs, a sickbed, and a filing cabinet next to the supply closet. The office always smelled of rubbing alcohol, but it was clean, quiet, and most of all private. Talyn was a colleague of Emile’s so they let him stay in here on his bad days for as long as he needed to.

“Patton, it’s ten minutes till classtime.” Nurse Talyn said from their desk, their horn-rimmed glasses sliding down their nose. “Do you have a pass for another breather? Or is there something your friend needs help with?”

“No, nothing like that Talyn,” Patton said, smiling at the word ‘friend.’ “Virgil and I just needed someplace private to talk for a bit.”

“You know I’m not supposed to let students be in here unless they’re feeling unwell.”

“Pleeeese? We’ll head right to class afterwards. Cross my heart and hope to die.”

Then, Patton unleashed his most secret of secret weapons, used for emergencies only and rarer than a red moon: the puppy Pat pout. When Talyn saw his pouty bottom lip and big eyes, their mouth went lemon tight. They only resisted for a few seconds before an audible groan told Patton he’d one this round.

“Ugh, fine! You get five minutes while I go restock my bandaid jar.” Talyn took a not even half empty jar with them as they went to the supply closet. “I blame Emile for teaching you that puppy dog pout. It should be illegal.”

“Thanks Nurse Talyn!” Works every time.

Patton turned around to where Virgil stood behind him, hands in the oversized letterman jacket and a crooked smirk on his face. If Patton didn’t know better, he would think Virgil looked almost impressed.

“We can talk privately now, don’t worry.” Patton said.

“Worry’s my middle name but, okay. So uh, about this.��

Virgil took a deep breath and pulled from one pocket a crumpled note. He unfurled is, words facing up: ‘I know you’re my soulmate. We all do. Can we talk?’

Standing in front of him now, seeing the dark bags under his wide eyes, Patton thought that Virgil looked so small and vulnerable. All shelled up in his too big jacked, clutching that paper between his shaking skinny fingers. He just wanted to hold the poor thing close and protect him from every nasty thing in this world. Instead he settled for smiling as warmly as possible, hoping to help Virgil feel more at ease.

“Just tell me first,” Virgil’s hands fidgeted. “By ‘we’ you mean my other soulmates and not, y’know, the whole school? I hope? Not that I think you’d out me or anything; you’re not like that. Not that I’d assume what you’re like, I jus—

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, kiddo.” Patton said, making his voice gentle. “I do mean our soulmates, and of course your secret is still safe with us.”

Upon hearing this though, Virgil’s whole body relaxed. “Heh, you really do say ‘kiddo.’ So how’d you find out?”

“Logan ran into Roman and me in the library earlier. We got to chatting and figured out the four of us are all soulmates.”

Virgil gave a low whistle. “I knew you guys were my soulmates but geez. All four of us? Fate must have a weird sense of humor.”

“Our gossamer spider-silk threads of fate are interwoven into one intricate home for our four hearts to feast upon entangled love.”

Patton mentally winced. Way to get weird and dark again Patton. Wait, he’s...smiling. Oh gosh, I really have a thing for nice smiles, don’t I?

“Wow Pat, that was...really lovely. And just the right amount of creepy. I dig it.”

Lovely? Me? Patton smiled, his freckled cheeks feeling warm all of a sudden. I knew you would be kind.

“I meant what I thought, by the way,” said Virgil. “You really do have gorgeous eyes.”

“And you really need to stop calling yourself an idiot,” said Patton.

Virgil chuckled, then looked down at his purple sneakers. “Did um...did Logan tell you about what happened?”

Patton rubbed his arm. “Yeah, he did.”

“So then you probably hate me, right? Argh, stupid question. Of course you do. Or at least Logan does. He probably thinks I’m just another stupid jerk athlete. Roman too. Not that I blame him after the number of times I’ve just stood by like an idiot and—

“I will physically fight you if you keep talking bad about yourself, Mister!”

The sharp outburst startled Virgil into shutting up. Patton didn’t often use his papa bear voice (as him mom called it) outside of the house or with anyone besides his younger cousin Elliot. But he couldn’t stand hearing Virgil talk that way about himself for another second. There was only room for one self deprecating soulmate in their group, and that was him.

“Logan doesn’t hate you Virgil. None of us do.” Patton said. “He’s upset still, sure, but never hate. And I told him that what he said to you was probably a little too harsh.”

Virgil’s head shot up. “You did?”

“Mhm. Of course his feelings were valid, but that couldn’t have been an easy situation for you either. Being in the closet is a pretty scary time, and the anxiety probably doesn’t help with it either.”

“H-how did you?”

“My godfather’s a therapist. Got pretty good at picking up on the signs from talking with him. Besides, you’re not the only one with a monster living between their ears.”

Patton rolled up his left sleeve, showing the tally marks of all the times he’d managed to come back out of the darkness and stand in the sunlight again. Virgil gave a quiet gasp, but Patton refused to turn away in shame from his soulmate, even if he did look at him with pity. When he met Virgil’s eyes however, they were filled with understanding.

In a bittersweet sort of way, it made Patton feel happy.

“I’m not saying you have to come out for us. Or go public, or do anything you’re not ready for yet. I just want you to know that we’re here for you when you are ready. And,” Patton held out his hand in offering, “you don’t have to go through this alone.”

He expected Virgil to take his handshake, maybe say thanks and offer to talk outside of school sometime. Maybe.

He did not expect Virgil to take his wrist in a gentle calloused grasp, turn his arm upward, bend down, and place a soft kiss on his scars.

It was sudden. It was impulsive. It was an act of pure reverence that set Patton’s pulse point thrumming faster than a hummingbirds heartbeat.

And judging from the look on his face, it shocked the hell out of Virgil just as much. He snatched his hand back as though his touch might burn Patton.

“I’m sorry! That was—I should’ve asked—-out of line. I—NGK!”

“Virgil, wait!”

Too late. Just as someone else was coming in, Virgil was running out the door, nearly knocking the other person over.

“WOah! Where’s the fire babe?” they asked.

Virgil paid him no mind. Didn’t even seem to hear him. Once again, Patton’s soulmate was gone before he could even try to make things right.

“Guess he’s got the runs or something. Ngh-ow. Forget it. Head hurts too much to care right now.”

The student who’d just come in was also wearing a letterman jacket, and their fingers hovered over a mean looking bruise near their temple. It took a second for Patton to recognize from the sunglasses who he was.

“You’re one of Virgil’s friends, Remy, right?” Patton asked.

Remy jumped, not realizing Patton was there. “His best friend, thank you very much. And who wants to knoOOHhhh I see. You’re one of his secret soulmates he won’t tell me about!”

Patton followed Remy’s eye line leading to his still uncovered arm. He quickly pulled his sleeve back down, blushing scarlet hot and hid behind his bangs. Remy chuckled.

“You know I gotta say, not at all what I pictured, but you are a cute little black kitten,” Remy said with a grin.

“Do you know where Virgil might’ve run off to? I want to go after him, but I need to get to class soon. Oh, it was all going so well, but maybe he thought he crossed a line and I’d be upset, but I’m not! He looked just short of a panic attack and I just...is he going to be okay?” Patton could’ve cried he was so worried.

Remy gave him a long unreadable once over, then sighed. “Look, if I know Virgil—and I do—then he’s either gone to the gym to blow off some steam, or holed himself up somewhere private where he can calm down. He doesn’t like people seeing his anxiety get the better of him if he can help it. Say it makes people uncomfortable.”

“Mental health isn’t anything to be embarrassed by, or of.”

Patton must have passed some sort of test, because Remy finally gave him a genuine smile of approval and lifted his sunglasses atop his head.

“Totes babe. Look, right now I gotta see a nurse about this goose egg hatching on my head, but I’ll try to look for him after. Kay? Ow!”

Patton signed. “Thank you Remy.”

“You still here, Patton?” Nurse Talyn called, coming out from the supply closet with an armload of bandaid boxes, a bad of cotton swabs, and a now full jar. “The second bell is about to ring. You need to get—“

They looked around the room, spotted Remy, and dropped their arms. Their face fell flat, along with the rest of the things they’d been carrying. Good thing that jar was plastic.

“Remy Dormier, did you fall asleep and hit your head in the hallway again?” Nurse Talyn asked, looking just about done with everything.

“Nope. Track field. Bottom bleacher,” said Remy, wincing and he touched the spot.

“That is the FOURTH time this week! That’s it.” They pulled out a crushable ice pack from their desk drawer and handed it to Remy. “You, on the bed while I call your parents. We have GOT to get a script from your Doctor for this obvious narcolepsy problem of yours. Patton, get to class. Go on, shoo!”

Not wanting to endure the tiny wrath of Talyn in full nurse mode, Patton left. Not before getting a wink from Remy that did little to lift his spirits. He speed walked to his last class of the day, but home economics was the last thing on his mind. He could still feel the kiss from before like a memory on his skin.

I hope he’ll be okay.

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[artificialqueens]

Signed, Sealed, Delivered, Chapter 6 (Crygi, Jan x Nicky) - Joley

ao3 link

Jan rubbed her eyes, trying to dislodge whatever had gotten caked in there overnight, then pushed herself out of bed and made herself walk towards the kitchen. She put on her glasses and saw Crystal cooking breakfast – so she took off her glasses and put them on again to make sure she was seeing that correctly. “You’re up bright and early,” she observed.

“Is that weird?” Crystal asked, feigning innocence because the answer was obvious. Especially since she couldn’t look Jan in the eye and started shifting her weight from one leg to the other. That went on for about twenty seconds before she broke. “Okay, okay. It’s just… Gigi spent the night.”

That didn’t clear anything up for Jan, who waited for a further explanation. When she didn’t get one, she pointed out, “Gigi spends the night all the time, we both know she’s very comfortable with that. I mean… She practically lives here.”

She huffed because now she had to get into specifics. “No, but it was different this time. We… you know…” instead of outright saying it, she made a ‘v’ with her fingers and flicked her tongue between them.

“Oh please, you can just say you fucked,” Jan said, only for it to hit her a beat later. “Oh my god, you guys fucked?” Her eyes went wide and she bounced excitedly. “Wait, wait, wait. What does that mean for you guys now? Are you gonna be a thing? Is she still here?”

Crystal blinked. “How can you breathe when you’re talking so fast?” She turned back to finish cooking, then plated the food. “She’s taking a shower… I don’t know what this means for us,” she sighed. “The whole thing started because she said we weren’t convincing when we kissed for the photos. Maybe she thought we needed to explore our physical chemistry so we can use it better.”

Jan put her hand over her mouth and giggled. “I’m sorry, but that sounds like a line,” she told her, moving around the kitchen island to pour herself coffee. “Which, I mean, is good for you, because it means she was looking for an excuse to feel you up,” she added, bumping her hip against Crystal’s.

“That’s what I said! But she swore we just needed to be super convincing or it’d ruin our whole plan.”

She quirked her brow and snickered. “You believed that?”

Crystal looked down, pushing a forkful of her omelet into her mouth. “I mean… Why would she make that up? That doesn’t make any sense.” She looked back up, eyes meeting her roommate’s incredulous expression. “What?”

Jan was about to scream, her eyes ready to pop out of her head. If it was obvious to her, it was damn near bewildering that Crystal couldn’t pick up on it. This wasn’t some cute, subtle flirting, like the kind they had been trying to master this whole time – this was as close to an outright declaration of affection that someone like Gigi would get. “I don’t know, Crystal,” she answered with pointed sarcasm, “lying to people we like seems to be the norm here, let’s think this through a little bit.”

Luckily for Crystal, she didn’t get a chance to think too hard. Before she could reply, Gigi exited the bathroom, a towel wrapped around her body, another wrapping up her hair. She looked at the other two girls, blissfully unaware of the bubbling tension between the two roommates. “Hi Jan,” she greeted, at least realizing she had walked in on the middle of a conversation, and added, “I’m gonna go get dressed,” before disappearing into Crystal’s bedroom.

Crystal exhaled once Gigi left and waited for her heart to return to its normal speed. She hated that even though she knew the other girl hadn’t heard anything, her mere presence made her chest tighten. Even after all that had happened the night before, she had the feeling of walking on eggshells around Gigi whenever the subject of her feelings was approached. “What am I supposed to do?”

“Not to sound like the world’s biggest hypocrite, but you could talk to her about it,” Jan suggested gently. She imagined life was a lot easier for people who weren’t afraid to say how they feel, to just open their hearts up and speak their mind without fear of repercussion. It must be nice. Completely unrealistic, but nice.

Unsurprisingly, Crystal scoffed at the mere suggestion. “If talking about things was plausible, we wouldn’t be in this situation to begin with.”

Jan sighed and leaned against the counter. “Yeah, okay, that’s fair.” She exhaled deeply and looked out the window. “God, we’re pretty fucking useless. Almost makes it hard to believe that graduation’s at the end of the week,” she mused. “When’s your family due in?”

“Day before the ceremony, so Friday. Means we got two whole days of peace and quiet before we have to deal with them,” Crystal explained between bites. But then she abruptly stopped, eyes going wide. “Oh fuck, what’re we gonna do about the… everything?”

Before Jan could answer, Gigi – now fully dressed – rejoined them, naturally noticing the horror in Crystal’s expression before anything else. “What’s wrong?”

“We failed to account for Crystal’s family flying out here in the midst of all of this,” Jan told her. “So we’re either going to have to clue them in, avoid mentioning anything entirely, or let her conservative parents think she’s about to marry a girl they’ve met… what, twice?”

Crystal nodded to confirm Jan’s answer. “I think the second one is our best chance, probably the easiest one too.” She strummed her fingers against the plate, lips pursed and brows furrowed. “Gigi, you need to tell your mom not to say anything, they’ll still probably want to say hi to you guys.”

Gigi shrugged. “Sure, but I don’t think she’s planning on going to the ceremony, so I dunno when she’d see them anyway.”

“I’m just covering our asses!” Crystal snapped, causing both of the other girls to take a surprised, cautious step backward. She took a deep breath, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment. “Look, my parents are… They’re trying. But it’s still a work in progress. I just want everything to go as smoothly as possible.”

Jan and Gigi moved back to Crystal, gently holding her from either side. “Everything is going to be fine,” Jan said with a certainty she’d been lacking for the entirety of their plan. But it was different, avoidable, and they weren’t going to let it ruin such an important day. “We’re not gonna let anything ruin this, I promise.”

——

Jan and Crystal, like the rest of their graduating class, were seated in alphabetical order, keeping them apart for the duration of the ceremony. They texted each other, and both Jan and Gigi made sure to reassure Crystal that there was nothing to worry about. And as they sat and listened to speech after speech, things felt increasingly calm, to the point that they were both able to walk across the stage with their heads held high.

And when they tossed their caps in the air, they felt free. The past four years had been a tough, enduring chapter in their lives, but a fun one as well. It also helped to have one less thing on their plate with Nicky’s visit and the ‘wedding’ around the corner.

“I’m so happy for you guys!” Gigi beamed when she finally caught up with the two of them after weaving through the crowd of graduates and their families. “How do you feel?”

“Tired,” Crystal answered. “I don’t see why they had to hold this so damn early.”

Jan frowned sympathetically. “She didn’t get a chance to get her coffee,” she clarified to Gigi. “Honestly, I’m just happy it’s all done. Gonna miss a lot of it but like… I’m not rushing back any time soon.”

“Yeah? Not going for that MFA?” Gigi asked, absentmindedly looping her arm around Crystal’s waist.

“Not now, at least,” she shrugged. “Gonna see how far I can get with this before I sign myself up for more school.” As she spoke, she felt her phone vibrate in her purse, then fished it out and smiled when she unlocked it. “Aw, look at this cute ‘congratulations’ gif Nicky sent me.”

Crystal’s gaze narrowed as she looked at the screen. “Congrats on your graduation, darling. I have a special present for you, but it’s a surprise. Heart, winky-kissy emoji,” she read off the screen, then looked at Jan quizzically. “What the fuck was that? Did you guys move to sexting already?”

Despite her reddening face, Jan’s expression read just as perplexed. “Believe me, you would know if we were. I have no idea what the surprise is.” She decided to set the mystery aside for the time being. “We should get back home and throw an overnight bag together, we can check into the hotel and leave them there, then right out to dinner with our families.”

“I still can’t believe your parents booked you a night in a penthouse for graduation,” Gigi chimed in. “They don’t mind that I’m going too, right?”

Jan shook her head. “It’s fine, you’ll just have to share a bed with Crystal… But I’m sure that won’t be an issue, right?” she did her best to fight off a smirk, but by the way, Crystal was glaring at her, she was pretty sure her efforts were not paying off.

But Gigi didn’t seem to notice either way. “Yeah, no problem here,” she answered with a casual shrug.

——

Much to everyone’s relief, dinner with Crystal and Jan’s families went off without a hitch, and the two of them, along with Gigi, were ready to have a fun, relaxing night in the penthouse. The suite had two queen-sized beds, Jan running to claim the one closer to the window and the air conditioning.

“Holy shit,” Crystal remarked as she looked around. “How much did this cost?”

“Dunno, my dad used his airline points to cover it,” Jan explained, then flopped down on the bed. “This is a perfect note to end our college careers on.”

Gigi sat on the edge of the other bed. “Can we order room service?” she asked, pushing herself further onto the bed and aimlessly swinging her legs.

Jan sat up and nodded, then got the menu from the bedside drawer. “You know, Nicky never got back to me about whatever her surprise was, I didn’t get anything in the mail.”

“And no salacious photos?” Gigi asked.

“No.”

“She must have a big package for you,” Crystal mused, then laughed at her wording. She ignored Jan and Gigi rolling their eyes and moved to look at the menu, the three of them calling in an order shortly after.

As the three of them sat on Jan’s bed, eating overpriced food and drinking wine that was probably fancy, but they wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference between that and the fifteen dollar bottles they were used to. And after a couple glasses of wine, they had become even more relaxed, enough for Crystal to admit, “Jan knows we fucked, by the way.”

Gigi blinked, looking between Crystal and Jan with her lips pursed around the glass. “I didn’t know it was a secret,” she replied once she lowered the glass. “But why did Jan want to know?”

Crystal swallowed thickly, trying to think of a way to talk herself out of what she’d just gotten into. “Because… We’re friends? We talk to each other about this sort of thing. We’re close.”

“Very close,” Jan added under her breath, then giggled when Crystal shot her a look.

Gigi frowned. “Okay, can I ask something that’s been bugging me for a while? Do you guys have, like, a thing?”

Crystal nearly choked on her drink while Jan just seemed to sit and think, then answered with “define ‘thing’.”

“Look, I know you’re in love with Nicky, I’m not saying I think you guys are gonna run off together or anything,” Gigi assured. “But… Sometimes I get the vibe that Crystal might have a crush on you.”

While Crystal’s mouth hung open in shock and a bit of wine dribbled down her chin, Jan had burst out laughing, narrowly avoiding knocking anything over in the process. It was the type of laughter that left her out of breath and with watery eyes.

“Are you done?” Gigi asked, deadpan. “Did you get it out of your system?”

“Sorry, sorry,” Jan panted, then turned to Crystal. “I’m sorry, sweetie, I have to tell her the truth,” and Crystal didn’t put up a fight, so she proceeded. “Okay, look, Crystal and I did have sex. Once. But she did it to take her mind off of how much she likes you. It wasn’t anything more than two friends getting high and helping each other out.”

It wasn’t easy to stun Gigi into silence, but Jan’s explanation seemed to do the trick. Had she had it wrong this whole time? Misread every interaction? Ignored every sign? Sure, she knew she tended to be oblivious, but this just made her feel silly. At this point, she didn’t care that Jan and Crystal had hooked up, all she was concerned with was what happened next. “Since we’re all telling the truth now… I have an embarrassing confession. The last girl I hooked up with… I, um, called her ‘Crystal’ in bed. Kinda realized I couldn’t ignore how I felt anymore.”

“If I may,” Jan chimed in. “Literally the first time I saw you guys without the engagement rings was at graduation. Maybe this was a stupid, convoluted way to figure it out, but I think you guys are supposed to be together. Now, I… suddenly have the desire to take a long bath… Bye.” She got off the bed and quickly ducked into the bathroom to give the other two the time alone they needed.

“She’s trying her best,” Crystal remarked before turning to face Gigi. “I… that story… you weren’t just saying that to have an excuse for liking me, right?”

Gigi smiled softly and shook her head. “Is it really that hard to believe?”

Crystal shrugged. “I guess not. The image of you saying the wrong name in bed is funny, though. Just wanted to make sure it was real.” She shifted closer to Gigi and rested her head on her shoulder. “I’m so tired of pretending, not pretending to be engaged, pretending to just be friends.”

“You’re not suggesting we get engaged for real, are you?”

She laughed, picking her head up and resting it against Gigi’s. “No, not at all. I just wanna be your girlfriend, Geege.”

Gigi grinned broadly and pressed a kiss to Crystal’s lips. “I love how that sounds. Say it again, please.”

And Crystal would’ve happily said it as many times as Gigi wanted, as long as she got a ‘yes’ in return. “I wanna be your girlfriend.”

“Then… You are. That’s that,” she concluded, kissing her again, this time longer and with much more emotion behind it. “If we barricade Jan in the bathroom, we could probably fuck before she breaks down the door.”

Crystal laughed, getting up and moving back to hers and Gigi’s bed. “She wouldn’t care if she walked in on us, neither would I, honestly, but I kind of… don’t want to have sex right now. I’m all emotional and vulnerable and whatever,” she admitted as she laid on her side, opening her arms and beckoning Gigi to join her.

“Oh,” Gigi felt her heart swell with warmth. “We don’t have to at all, then,” she hummed, laying with Crystal and holding her close. She pressed gentle kisses over her face, carding her fingers through Crystal’s hair.

They cuddled in comfortable silence for about another ten minutes until they heard the bathroom door open. Jan was wrapped in a white terrycloth robe, her hair a bit damp, and let out a content sigh. She looked over at the couple and smiled fondly. “Aw, you guys are too cute!” she squealed.

“You weren’t eavesdropping, were you?” Crystal asked.

“Nope,” Jan answered honestly. “I’ve been texting with Nicky. But it looks like you guys worked everything out.”

“We did,” Gigi confirmed, then her brows furrowed. “She’s up late, isn’t she? It’s after three in the morning in France, right?”

Jan looked at her phone and counted to herself. “Yeah, that is late, but that’s not uncommon for her, so I didn’t ask.” She gathered up the plates and glasses, stacking it up on the tray and setting it aside. “You guys are gonna finish this bottle off with me, right?”

Before either of them could answer, there was a knock on the door that caught them all off guard. “Wonder what else my parents have planned,” she mused, expecting some sort of additional graduation present, or maybe just an extra dessert. Either way, she opened the door with a smile, only for her jaw to go slack and practically drop to the floor. Surely she was seeing things, or maybe she was more drunk than she realized. There was no way–

“Surprise!” Nicky beamed, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

[surviiived]

Guidelines

If you don’t agree to these rules and don’t want to follow me back—and if I have already followed you—please just HARD block me. It’ll help keep my dash cleaner, as well as make sure in my forgetfulness I won’t follow you again. Don’t worry, I won’t be upset lol. Thank you so much for looking at my rules!! 🖤🖤

Basic Rules:

-SEMI SELECTIVE AND MUTUALS ONLY.  This is for my own safety and feeling of security. If you want to roleplay with me, follow me. I will do the same for you if I’m willing to interact.

-OCS, AUS, AND ALL OTHER CHARACTERS WELCOME. I don’t care who your muse is. I’m all for OCs, crossovers, AUs, anything!! Just know I’m a bit more selective towards fandoms I don’t know about lol

-NO ONE-LINERS. I need some more interest in our thread from your end so I don’t lose muse as well. One-liners are fine for crack threads, but nowhere else. I’m fine with single to multiparagraph, and that’s how I will be writing.

-NO GODMODDING. I cannot express this enough. It’s my biggest pet peeve. Just don’t, or I’ll end the rp immediately.

-PLEASE USE CORRECT GRAMMAR. I’m a bit of a grammar freak, so seriously. At least try. However, If English isn’t your first language, I COMPLETELY understand.

-MULTIVERSE, MULTISHIP. Every thread is a different verse, every ship a different verse. Simple.

-DONT REBLOG THINGS FROM ME. Honestly, guys this just gets on my nerves. It’s a bit irrational...but also irritating because when I check my phone and see a notification from a mutual, I get excited because I think it’s a reply! But then I realize you just reblogged that meme/musing/whatever. Please, only reblog threads from me and everything else from the source. This includes memes, musings, pictures, and promos. Also, pls don’t reblog my PSAs, if you agree with them let me know so I can post it to my rp memes blog, which I would LOVE for you to reblog it from!!

-REBLOGGING ASKS AND TRIMMING THREADS. I’m not as strict as a lot of people over this, but some mutuals of mine are so please trim your threads when you reply to me. If you are in a situation where you can’t, that’s perfectly fine. However, thanks to this new Tumblr update I cannot trim asks because I don’t have xKit. So I ask for you to trim them for me, and if you can’t either then I’ll figure something out. Also with asks, I’m fine with you reblogging an ask to continue it. I will turn it into a separate thread for my friends’ sake.

-UNFOLLOWS. There’s a low chance I will unfollow someone, and the only reasons I can think of are spreading drama, being inactive for over a month without a hiatus, something else that annoys me, or too many OOC posts. The latter is why I am hesitant to follow back personal blogs who roleplay on said blog, but it’s not impossible. I won’t follow personal blogs from side blogs, but if you let me know you are a side blog I will gladly follow where you roleplay.

-DONT INVOLVE ME IN DRAMA. I hate drama. I’m the type of person who wants absolutely nothing to do with it. If I ask about what’s going on, then you’re welcome to tell me, but other than that, don’t talk to me about it. I won’t take sides. I won’t tell other people what’s going on. I’ll only act like nothing’s happening.

-SPOILERS. This is kinda hard with an Identity V blog... I don’t really anticipate there being any spoilers on this blog?? But if a new diary entry comes out or a deduction for a new character, sure, I’ll tag it for a couple of weeks.

-REQUESTING MUSES. If you don’t request a specific character in an ask or a starter call, I won’t write it. I just don’t have the time to go to you and ask which character you want, nor try to guess what you were thinking when you sent something in or liked a starter call. So I just won’t respond to whatever it is. This is the case when requesting one of my muses or picking one of your muses, if you’re a multi like me. Sorry..!!

Romance Rules:

-NO SMUT. I can’t stress this enough. It’s not that I’m a minor (which I’m not), it’s that it makes me uncomfortable. You will never see smut on this blog. I’m fine with heavy make out scenes, but when the clothes start to come off is where I request a fade to black.

-I LOVE TO WRITE ROMANCE THREADS. I’m a pretty big hopeless romantic, as that’s where most of my muse is generated from. I may want to add a ship to our thread at some point, but will never force it.

-REFUSALS. NO pedofilia, NO incest, NO rape, or ANYTHING nasty like that. I understand that sometimes in writing dark situations occur, as some of these things are in my muses’ backstory. So, if you write any of those things, I’m not going to block you. However, if you request to do any of that stuff with me, I’ll say no. Press the issue, I’ll hard block you. I shouldn’t have to hear you request it the first time, as it’s right here in my rules and that means you didn’t read them. But I’ll go easy until you cross a line.

-THERE MUST BE CHEMISTRY. Don’t bother trying to make a ship work that just won’t click, it’s a waste of time. But I’m more than willing to try things and see how they work..!!

-PLEASE RESPECT MY MUSES’ SEXUALITIES. You can tell a muse’s sexuality by what it says on their about. Most are bi/pan, but a few may be different.

Rules and things about me:

-I HAVE LOTS OF WRITING EXPERIENCE. I’ve been writing since I was maybe even seven years old, played games where I pretended to be a character irl since I was five, and have been actually roleplaying for approximately 7 years now. I’ve been roleplaying on Tumblr for three years. I really love writing, you know?

-WARNING, I WRITE GORE. I tend to go into detail about pain, suffering, death, and just very demented topics. That’s just a warning. If you have a problem with that, you may not want to follow me…

-TAGGING. Gore, murder, suicide, and other dark and triggering things will be tagged, but swearing will not. I swear far too much for me to remember to tag it. Also, I don’t post NSFW images or threads on this blog, so don’t worry about that, but I will tag asks and memes that can be perceived as nsfw. I tag things like this (using death as an example): “tw: death”. If you have any triggers, PLEASE let me know so I can tag them. There’s always a chance I might forget about something, and if I do please tell me. I’ll make sure not to forget a second time. Also, I ask you all tag vomit mentions, even if it’s just written, and ESPECIALLY TAG VISUALS OF THROW UP!!!! That is my ONLY trigger. Thank you.

-RESPONDING TIME. I’m a college student, high school student, and I work, so my responding time isn’t what it used to be lol. Please don’t pressure me over that..!! I also post most threads via queue unless I just need to send it out ASAP. I won’t bother you if it takes a little while to reply. We all have lives outside of Tumblr!!

-I’M NOT GOING TO SEND IN PASSWORDS. It just adds to my anxiety, and I don’t like that. That’s why I don’t ever ask someone to send a password in and just ask that they like my rules post! Just know I will always read someone’s rules before interacting.

-I’M ALWAYS HERE IF YOU NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO. Honestly, I want to help! If something’s wrong and you want to tell me about it, I’m all ears. I hate being upset or depressed myself, so I like to try to make others feel better. It helps with my own sadness.

That’s all for right now..! Happy roleplaying~!!

like this post if you have read it and agree to it, please.

Hello! My name’s Kiki. There isn’t really much to say about me, except that I love to roleplay!! That and write, of course. And draw. And sing. So I guess I love a lot of stuff lol. Also, I am diagnosed with ADD (attention-deficit disorder), so please bear with me..!! One last thing, I’m 18 as of November 2020. 

If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m right here and always accepting PMs!!

My main account is twx-sid3d, but I’m rarely ever on there so here is the best place to contact me. I also have a multiverse oc sideblog @hxlf-bred​ that’s connected to my multi, @nycttophilic.

Thanks for reading! Have a nice day~!

[gins-potter]

TV Guide Article

So I had a lot of fun running down what happened in the teaser and thinking about what it means for the new seasons, so I thought I would do something similar for the tv guide article that came out a couple days ago.  Thoughts and musings under the cut because it got long:

Chicago Fire

“We are going to reflect what the world is like in 2020 for Chicago firefighters, pandemic and all” so that’s pretty blatant that we’re going to get covid-19 storylines in some regard on Fire.  Maybe Stellaride is the couple who have to quarantine together (again i heard that was going to be upstead but am not sure if that’s confirmed or not).

“[Brett] becomes a mentor to young medic Gianna Macket, who grew up in the same rough South Chicago neighborhood as firefighter Joe Cruz” hopefully is Brett is becoming a mentor to Gianna that means they’ll be friendly pretty quickly, I’m not a massive fan of drama within company’s.  I do love that the new girl might already know Cruz going into the house (altho they lowkey missed the chance for a cross-show dynamic, because I think the Halstead bros also grew up on the south side?)

“Look for Brett and Macket to quickly find themselves in harrowing circumstances, Haas reveals: ‘Don’t miss the premiere’s last 10 seconds’“ so we’re gonna have a cliff hanger in 9x01 which is interesting.  Usually they leave that sort of thing for the season finale, altho they could be making up for the one we didn’t get in s8.

“Brett could experience a new partner in her personal life as well.  Will she begin a serious romance with smitten Captain Matt Casey?  The first two episodes will tell.” Well, there it is Brettsey fans.  We’ll know if our ship’s setting sail by 9x02.  The use of the word smitten is giving me hope, along with the knowledge that they’ve been building this ship for two seasons.  Hopefully they don’t back out in the last second.

“Firefighter Stella Kidd heads in a new direction when Chief Wallace Boden asks her to take the lieutenant’s exam.  Her ambition could cause tension between her and boyfriend Lt. Kelly Severide.”  I’m down for Lieutenant Stella Kidd, but not down for tension between her and Kelly.  Happy Stellaride all of s8 was amazing and I don’t want trouble now.  If she does get her bugles (if i’m using that phrase right) I wonder where she’ll go since all the Lt spots are full, but she could pull a Herrmann and just stick around until something opens up and fill in when she’s needed.  I’m a tiny bit worried they’re gearing up to write one of our Lt’s out, but I’m hoping I’m very wrong.

“’Ritter has an epic rescue coming up,’ says Haas, ‘and he might be taking a break from [his boyfriend]’” Yay epic rescue, boo break from his boyfriend (unless that means Ritter/Gallo in that case I’d totally be here for it).

“While Gallo’s effort to woo EMT Violet Lin fizzled” rip, I wasn’t a massive fan of Violet/Gallo but sad to see her go cause she was a badass paramedic.

“[Gallo] now faces an even bigger challenge: impressing his boss, Captain Casey. ‘Especially,’ warns Haas, ‘if he decides to cowboy a call instead of following orders.’“ I’ve seen the theory that Gallo cowboying a call is what puts Brett and Gianna in danger and Casey loses his shit and it leads to Brettsey and honestly?  I’m here for it.

Chicago PD

“... new Deputy Superintendent Samantha Miller who arrives in Chicago with an intense police reform agenda, in a story inspired by the country’s current movement.  ‘Miller wants to abolish the ‘warrior-cop’ mentality and help Hank Voight and Intelligence adapt to the new reality’ says exec producer Rick Eid.... Facing hostility from the community and scrutiny from his bosses, Voight must assess whether, indeed, ‘he’s part of the problem of part of the solution’.” Honestly this type of storyline is long overdue and I really hope they’re committed to following it through.  Because we’ve seen them explore themes of ‘reform’ in the past but they never seem to stick.  I think if cop shows want to stick around they need to take a hard stance against police brutality in their story telling and be willing to be critical of their own main characters.  It’s not enough anymore to see the characters stand up against other racist cops, they now need to look at how their own policing has been racist.  It won’t make PD a completely unproblematic show (and I don’t know if there can be a completely unproblematic cop show) but it will be a step in the right direction.

“While the unit lost undercover specialist Vanessa Rojas at the end of last season...” so, did I miss this happening?  I assumed Lisseth would come back for 8x01 to write off her character but this makes it sound like she isn’t.  Which has me confused because I’m pretty sure they haven’t given her a proper exit yet, but maybe I’ve just forgotten about it.  The fact that they specified she’s an undercover specialist makes me think she’s just going to disappear and they’ll throw out a single line about how she’s gone undercover for another unit.

“Upton’s chemistry with Det. Jay Halstead did not weaken during her absence, but both know the complications of dating colleague.”  this ain’t gonna be a smooth ride to canon Upstead, me think.

“As do officers AdamRuzek and Kim Burgess, still mourning her miscarriage.  ‘It’s become an emotional impediment to their relationship,’ Eid says. ‘They have an unbreakable bond, but are they better off as friends?’“ Fuck off Eid, and just let them get back together already.  That’s all I have to say on that.

“Intelligence’s Kevin Atwater has his own troubles - with members of the force.  After breaking the ‘blue wall of silence’ by testifying that racist cop Tom Doyle was killed in crossfire after racially profiling an innocent Black man, Doyle’s connect friends and family want vindication.” This storyline coupled with the new superintendent sets up a very interesting season.  But I will say this, they better let Kevin Atwater carry this season, because it is his time and he deserves the spotlight.

Chicago Med

“The stories on Med’s sixth season will consider how first responders have been impacted by the coronavirus.  But while the docs at Gaffney Chicago Medical Center will see covid-19 patients, ‘we focus more on how other types of cases are treated in this new environment’ exec producer Diane Frolov says.” this is an interesting way to do covid storylines and i’m interested to see where it goes.  clearly none of the shows are shying away from the current state of the world which i’m personally fine with, but can understand why some people don’t like.  tv is a form of escapism for a lot of people, but personally i enjoy when tv shows aren’t scared to go there and get real with certain subject.

“Amid all this, Dr James Lanik quits as emergency department chief (but stays with the hospital)” rip bye Lanik, can’t say I’ll overly miss you.  I find it interesting that they specify that he’s not leaving the hospital though.  I wonder if that means we’ll see him in another position.

“...and a main character is unexpectedly named to the position.”  I feel like it might be Ethan, because iirc Will is running some sort of clinical trial or something?  And being a surgeon I doubt it can be Marcel.  Nat’s lower than Ethan in terms of hierarchy I think so I don’t think it’ll be her, but maybe that’s the unexpected part.  Ethan or Nat for the position would be my guess.

“‘There’s always a push-pull between Dr Ethan Choi and Nurse April Sexton, but deep feelings remain on each side,’” guess we shouldn’t give up on Sextoi just yet.  pretty ambivalent on them these days which is a shame cause i used to really like them.

“trauma surgeon Crockett Marcel and Dr Natalie Manning have drawn closer since Marcel opened up about the loss of his child.” okay this is the one thing I’m actually interesting in seeing in s6.  Not a massive Marcel fan but I liked the storyline about his past (not liked as in glad he’s gone through shit but liked as in it made him slightly more sympathetic to me).  I’m also curious to see where this thing with Nat goes.  Especially because I swear I saw a lingering glance between her and Will at Maggie’s wedding.  I smell a love triangle?  Love quadrangle perhaps if April’s still into Marcel?  Love pentagon, if Ethan’s still into April?  Goodness.

“...and Dr Will Halstead, who’s tapped to supervise a clinical trial on a new heart disease medication, is still entangled with ob-gyn Hannah Asher.  Whether Halstead should trust the recovering addict is still to be determined.” yup knew Will had some other big thing going on this season.  Don’t need the Asher relationship stuff tho.  Sorry Jessy Schram, I’m sure you’re lovely but you can leave now.  That being said if they pull a Bekker level stunt and have her go batshit in order to write her off, I will actually lose my shit.

And there we have it.  All my thoughts on some pretty big scoops for the new seasons and what I think might happen.