#and nine months later pops out a kangaroo

[juleswolverton-hyde]

Put Together (BC x Reader)

Genre: Fluff

Pairing: Street Artist!Bangchan x Reader

Warnings: No warnings apply

Summary: Moving in together is a pretty big milestone which goes accompanied by a fun shopping trip to IKEA, wandering through the showrooms to gain inspiration for the shared home.

Putting things together, however, proves to be very difficult for a kangaroo and a koala.

Masterlist

Everything has a bright and dark side for all in the world contains positivity and its counterpart. Such is the way of existence, although the shadow side might not be realized until later when trying to put together the furniture bought for the brand new shared studio in a redeveloped part of the town, the community trying to save face by improving neglected neighbourhoods just enough in the hopes of attracting young people to thus let it flourish at their hands. A successful endeavour, since many couples in the prime of their lives have taken up residence in the harbour district with refurbished warehouses decorated with approved graffiti, some works even by the hand of the Australian boyfriend of a mere though steady nine months.

The trip to IKEA was a lot of fun, singing along to songs playing on the voluminous radio on the top of lungs while waiting in a terrible rush hour because more minds had the idea of visiting the massive home depot on a dreary day. It was the sole way to keep the simmering irritation thanks to standing endlessly frozen among honking cars to a bare minimum, fingers entwined while getting lost in the melodies.

The briefly picked up on looks of adoration as interior showrooms were scoured for inspiration were heart-melting, Chris noting down all the chosen pieces of furniture on the small slip of paper with the cheap company pencil regardless of the fact the decisions were basically made without leaving many choices to the blonde boy. When remarking upon the continuous silent agreement, only occasionally providing some input on colour choice, the youth commented that building a home together is all that really mattered to him. Moreover, there was confidence in knowing better how to embody both personalities in the interior than he himself would have been able to do. Henceforth, howbeit with this somewhat uncomfortably in mind, the would-be massive shopping trip cracked on.

Alongside pure affection, there was also a dominant sense of pride in deep earthly eyes that seeped through in attitude, proud to have made it to this milestone, this achievement that was solely a dream for both on lonely days wherein the concept of love was practically unknown aside from family bonds and friendships formed at school. A satisfied innocent smile could not be erased from roseate lips throughout the entire venture, broadening to a wide bubbly smile when testing couches by launching ourselves onto them or spinning around in desk chairs together, seated on the personified koala’s lap and holding on for dear life to the characteristic raven black leather jacket, in search of the perfect one for the planned small home office.

Withal, every sort of happiness comes at a cost, this being that the ecstatic joy has malformed into frustrating confusion now that cardboard boxes retrieved from the immense storehouse litter the bare oaken floor of the empty echoing studio and the time has come to put the furniture together with, at times questionable, manuals. Missing screws or seemingly misplaced pre-created holes form only two of the multitude of sources for agitation, Chris’s brightness gradually becoming darker as the time passes and solely the round coarse night-toned metal coffee table, a few wall shelves, the stone grey couch - this one in particular with a lot of cursing and fuming in resilience after almost ripping the papers with step-by-step instructions - and a single bookshelf awaiting its three neighbours have been established in three hours time.

The cap that was bought on the first trip abroad as a couple, Scotland as its destination, is thrown to the side with a low resigning sigh after reading the supposedly easy to understand guide to the second one of the collection of bookshelves, a bright alabaster cabinet with glass doors. ‘It doesn’t make sense. How is it possible that one door fits perfectly and the other doesn’t?’

‘Did you put the clasps parallel to the others?’  ‘Yes, I did. Look,’ by means of illustration, the inside of the display is shown, pointing at the metal hinges in the designated places which are, indeed, parallel to those opposite, ‘I placed them where you said.’

The position of those already in the correct place was discovered after giving the advice of perhaps reading the text on the paper the correct way instead of upside down and yet vocal directions still had to be given to reach the current part of the building process. Not to say Chris is not the most skilled person when it comes to IKEA furniture or any furniture for that matter, but the flashback of the battle with the first bookcase makes it so that a slight scepticism has come to colour attitude in the predicament caused by this, apparently, problematic one.

‘Let me give it a spin, maybe I’ll be able to insert it. You might break the glass if you try to ram it in like this.’ The former four attempts at placing the door where it should go according to the guide went dramatically wrong, every carefully made endeavour to take on the task instead cut off by assuring snarky remarks. Any gently given direction of slightly altering the angle of insertion was dismissed with a coldly sharp comment about perfectly being able to handle it, so that, too, did not help in regards to any sort of progress.

Howbeit very reluctant, a chance is given with pouted lips and mocha eyes glaring at the last piece of the puzzle. ‘Good luck. I swear, if you manage to- oh.’

As predicted, all that was needed to do was manipulating the insert angle of the door a tad, the discovery leading to an indignant huff accompanied by a check-up whether the seemingly impossible mission has truly been accomplished. Which it obviously is, judging by the golden locks hanging in self-deprecating shame and sarcastic inwardly directed speech. ‘Are you serious?’

A pat on the shoulder makes the street artist raise his head at a broad smug smile on a beloved face, finding satisfaction in being better in doing something which is generally associated with men. ‘I told you how to do it, didn’t I? If only you’d listened.’

‘Oh, come on, Y/N. I still managed to put the couch together on my own because you weren’t a lot of help with that.’ An accusing index finger points to the ashen fabric sofa set against the far east wall, above which has yet to be hung the collection of empty sleek lacquered black frames for displaying Chris’s drawings specially made for decorating the house.

‘I was looking for the missing screws!’ Palms rise into the air in dramatic defence, gaze unbelieving of the argument. ‘How was I supposed to know the rest was just a matter of inserting one part into the other?’

‘Sure, koala.’ The devious smile faded from one visage is replicated on the other, evidently not backing out of the witty battle until a triumph is had, hands firmly placed on the hips, thus pressing the fabric of the loose shadow-toned shirt covered in wood snippets and dust tightly over a well-trained chest. ‘But who also put together the coffee table?’

A denying shake of the head as raised digits lower again to be tucked into the pockets of the skinny jeans also affected by decorating the shared home, followed by an incredulous laugh at the attempted clever response proving superiority. ‘That was simply a matter of getting it out of the box, kangaroo boy.’

‘Oi, it also required some putting together.’ Pure uncensored defied belief seeps through in the voice of the street artist, unhappy with being unmasked by such an easy task that does not count in the overall grander picture.  

‘You only had to place the tabletop on its foundation, so that doesn’t count. Furthermore, who installed the shelves on the wall because someone could not handle the drill properly and almost drilled through the places for the attachments?’

Stark white teeth distractingly bite down on the bottom lip, Chris turning away to hide the shame of the almost accident whereby a woman’s touch formed the apparent saviour of a ruined interior before daringly locking gazes. ‘If the coffee table does not count as furnishing than that doesn’t as well. And it’s not my fault the wood is so thin, it’s easy to completely run it through if there’s barely any depth or thickness to it.’

‘No, it isn’t. You’re just clumsy, but you don’t want to admit it.’

An eyebrow is arrogantly cocked at the defiant street artist, who copies the attitude with the intention to counterattack with a sarcastic comment that shall continue the bickering until a clear victor appears. ‘Me? Clumsy? Who almost dropped the boxes with candle holders for the bedroom yesterday?’

Well, for what has to function as a bedroom since it is nothing more than a simple oaken bed frame with drawers and two matching night tables made of the same material, located in the space next to the little balcony looking out over the old harbour. Again, it was established with the necessary cursing and risk of a shredded manual, the help continuously searching the massive cardboard box for the needed parts sometimes wrapped in bubble wrap while trying to keep the kangaroo boy’s temper under control. As it would seem, the platinum blonde boyfriend is better at popping bubbles than reading and following the instructions given by IKEA.

‘That wasn’t because I’m clumsy, but because you scared the living daylights out of me by suddenly appearing and trying to wrestle me to the ground.’ As a means of giving extra strength to the point, a stern finger points from an offended face to the scene of the past accident, speaking with a higher tone now that sensitive nerves truly are on edge with triggering memories.

Yesterday, it had seemed like a genius prank to jump out of the bathroom while bringing in the newly acquired fragile candle holders that had the Aussie frantically search the massive lower floor of the home depot only to find the mysteriously disappeared girl again in the candle section, judging which holder would go with what candle and colour while also keeping the outlay of the planned interior in mind. Thus, the notion of caution while bringing in the unloaded boxes with frames and accessories that had temporarily formed a fort in the cool hallway of the apartment building was entirely nullified, even though the culprit put a special emphasis on this beforehand when it was him carrying the vases for the bouquets of fake flowers. A scattering of violet reflecting glass almost formed the consequence of the affectionately meant yet aggravating instead gesture, the youth barely able to save face by rapidly steadying a toppling stance and breakable decoration.

Household chores are up to the artist for the coming month as a punishment.

‘Alright, fair point. But still, you especially wanted the crystal ones while you know I can attack at any time.’ A foreboding playful stance is taken up, the bickering entirely forgotten as crossed arms unravel to spread wide while the back arches in the anticipation of pouncing on the targeted prey in front with a mischievous grin.

The step backwards does nothing to escape the fate already set in motion, the wiggle of dark eyebrows promising there is no escape from the love about to be shown. Regardless of the urge to attempt to find a way out, it is difficult to suppress the amusement as the predatory stance changes to resemble a kangaroo which results in a chuckled warning. ‘Chris, don’t.’

‘I’m gonna catch you~.’ A provocative hop forward with an adorable high-pitched giggle, bleached locks obscuring the sparkling mocha stare.

‘No, you won’t.’ Another step backwards on the bare oaken floor, answering the threat with a voice truly bordering on pure innocent laughter. ‘Catch me if you can.’

What ensues is a weirdly human kangaroo madly chasing his offender who has fully joined in the grinning, cutely though relentlessly continuing the chase after her until she is driven into the kitchen corner and picked up with ease by strong veiny arms in a twirling fashion.

When feet touch the ground again, they linger a few centimetres from the ones which pursued them a mere second ago, cheek contently resting on the onyx fabric displaying the effect of furnishing, listening to the steady heartbeat of the cheekily smiling beloved. ‘You’re an idiot, Chris Bang.’

‘Could say the same for you, koala.’ A kiss on the crown of the head results in a glance upward into warm adoring chocolate irises, which, in turn, leads to another gentle meeting but this time between mouths with a tenderness that erases some of the devilish attitudes in both individuals. The embrace tightens, ensuring the instincts always triggered in each other’s presence there is nothing but a safe haven, a home for two people to grow in.

Though wanting to remain in the moment for as long as possible, much remains to be done and has to be for the day might still be young yet demands action, knowing the cardboard mess is unbearable to live in. Moreover, the break from daily obligations has a deadline that would rather not be extended due to a delay in settling into the new studio together. Henceforth, breathless lips laboriously pull away as a big palm comes to cup the cheek while a desperate urgency begs for a deeper connection. ‘Let’s take a break and then crack on with the other bookshelves and the dining room. Would be nice to not eat dinner on the floor for once.’

For a second, Chris is clearly at a loss for words and composure, still leaning forward with puzzlement plastered across the lost expression. Nonetheless, it is soon replaced with an amiable relief at getting a repose from putting together incomprehensible installations, consenting to the plan with a pleased hum.

The happiness of the pause with peach ice teas and fruit salad does not linger long because next up are the other bookshelves so that the living room is at least somewhat done, needing only a few fake though lush green plants, Chan’s framed works on the bare walls and a few other homely accessories alongside filled shelves to finish it off officially.

It only takes five minutes for a ripped manual.

[bighandslittlefeet]

Hello Everyone!

So we left Sydney in Val the Van and have been on the road for six days now! It's been marvellous. We’re not sad to see the back of Sydney, serving coffees and running escape rooms can only hold your interest for so long, and I think we packed in all of the good touristy stuff in the first two weeks, so by the end of two months we were definitely hankering for something new! We’re sad to say goodbye to our friends and new work colleagues of course, but the open road beckoned, and on Sunday we set off in a freshly packed Val. We made a short stop for coffee at Four Brothers for Espresso and had a cheeky egg and bacon sarnie and then began the journey properly.

We headed south to go north, hitting up Jervis bay as we had been told by numerous folk that it was truly unmissable. It took us a good five hours to get down, owing to bad traffic on the main highway, it looked to us in passing that a lorry driver had had a serious near miss and was on the side of the road shedding tears to a police officer, meanwhile, we were all diverted down into the valley and onto the b roads. A lot of traffic wound its way through two very picturesque, but very small, seaside towns. Eventually though we made our way out of Sydney and further and further south.

Jervis bay is a nature reserve park with stunning beaches known for their high silica content which keeps them cool and makes them brilliantly white to look at. As we arrived at the park boundary we decided to buy a two day pass, after talking with a really nice park keeper who was sure that the campsites inside the park were a rip off and we’d do much better commuting in and out. So we drove in, the road becoming less and less sealed, further and further, the bush growing more and more tangled and dense. We came to the end of the road. The far end of the peninsula. The furthest beach. We did the obligatory suncreaming and made for the nearest beach. The view was stunning. A sweeping bay with white sands as far as could be seen interspersed with pockets of green and rocky outcroppings encroaching on the shore. We soon realised that this particular edge had quite a lot of rocks and weeds in the amazingly clear water and made our way back to Val, and proceeded to the other side of the headland. This beach, similar in beauty, was replete with a smattering of folks, swimming, eating, sunbathing, and so we felt more comfortable getting out togs off and jumping in. Val came with a full face mask snorkelling kit and two other normal snorkel masks and mouthpieces, so we took the opportunity, as recommended gain by friends, to do a bit of snorkelling. It was chilly water, but gloriously clear. We could see small silvery fish about a handspan in length, and a few jellies here and there. The sand quickly dropped away into the bay and we stuck to the shallows. Later, reading a pamphlet on the beach we would find that we were meant to always face the sea, as sharks were regular guests of the bays! Luckily we were spared any sightings that day!

After a short nap on the sand and a dry off in the early afternoon sunshine we made our way back out of the park. We drove to Hyams beach, another stunner, but the sun was beginning to get low on the horizon and we were starting to get peckish. We made our way to a shop to pick up foodie stuff, the plan was to make a bit of a mexican feast, poached chicken, smoky pepper mole, quac, salsa, blackened corn, and warmed mini tacos. We then made our way over to another site we had identified at bream beach. We couldn’t have done any better, well priced, on the edge of a lake and the people who greeted us were so super friendly. And the kangaroos. They lived on the site. 15 of them, just out of season, so there were some very small young ones! Very cute and very friendly. We watched the sunset with a glass of wine and had leftovers as it was too late to cook.

The next day we headed back into the park. We headed to steamer’s bay, a secluded beach a bit of a hike from the nearest parking spot. It was recommended no swimming, and as we crested the hill we could see why, the beach ran long and shallow and must have had quite a significant drop off as the swell was immense, waves taller than our heads relentlessly crashed onto the beach. We descended the steep staircase into the bay and walked the beaches length and breadth before turning back to the staircase and the walk back to Val. That night we made the feast and ate very well indeed. The next morning we set our sights on hunter valley, a location renowned for its wine and more importantly north of Sydney. We set off and broke the journey for a coffee and a bite in Wollongong, a small seaside town just south of Sydney. A lovely cafe playing Paolo Nutini, served great coffee and a bacon and egg roll - scrambled this time, not fried, and with a nice tomato relish. The BNE as they are called here, seems to the staple of cafes rather than the BLT, as in the UK. I think it is rather excellent. The time in Wollongong was rounded off with a walk up to a lighthouse and along the coast for a little stretch before once again we headed back towards Val. Some of you may know that Becca and I have a collaborative Google map on which we have been bookmarking places to see and go on this trip and we actually had one marked for this town. As we walked back through town to the car park, we passed Chicko’s a fried chicken hut - we couldn’t remember for the life of us why we had tagged it but it looked like it was doing roaring trade. We would have had some had it not been for the lovely food we had just had! And also, fried chicken mid morning seemed a little odd!

Back on the road we blasted the tunes until we climbed the foothills, into the mountains, and finally the valley. An uncanny sense of deja vu took over as it seemed we were transported into the South of France, vineyards and gateways with no fences, lined the route sporadically. Until we hit the towns which were a strange american cultural mix, I could have been in France, although driving on the wrong side of the road! We pulled into the campsite we had booked and set up camp, the temperature was cooler here, and so we shrugged on some jackets and walked across the way to a brewery. We got a tasting platter of local brewed beers, reasoning that tomorrow we could do the wines. We sat and chatted as the sun gto lower and lower in the sky and decided to have a bite to eat at the brewery. A very satisfactory fish and chips and chicken parmo later, and we were contentedly strolling back to camp for a deep sleep.

The next day we did our first campsite wash. The temperature was up so the clothes hung in the sun and were dry in no time. We were soon picked up by our tour which we had booked in Sydney a few weeks ago as a sort of early Christmas treat to ourselves. When in Rome… The tour had been recommended by a friend and was run by a winery/restaurant known as Two Fat Blokes. Julie, our van driver came picked us up at the gates of our site and warned us that today we would be drinking around a bottle and a half of wine each and so had plenty of water on hand - we rubbed our hands with glee. The other couples on the bus were Swiss and American and we picked up a trio of Irish women before making our first wine stop at Leogate. The nine of us sat at a long table outside under a shaded canopy and we were served a flight of 10 or so wines of varying styles and ages. They were all young and fruity and really quite nice. My old world sensibilities have definitely been eroded by this experience. We barreled back into the van, after a few obligatory photos of the vines with the mountains in the background, and began the drive to the next cellar door. Conversation was much more lubricated, thanks I am sure in no small part to the copious quantities of wine just imbibed on near empty stomachs, and we began to chat with the Americans, who turned out to be an Australian and an American who had been dating long distance and were here during their week together. I was asked who my team was, which I had no reply to, until Becca told me he was enquiring about football - at which point I was at even more of a loss. Grasping at straws I related how many people in the UK seemed to be interested in the NFL now, and I myself had picked up a t-shirt at a charity shop which I had been reliably informed was to do with an american sports team, but which I had bought because of its florid tie-dyed aesthetic.

The bus rounded the corner and we were suddenly in a spanish villa. An uncanny sense of deja vu washed over me again, as were were ushered through large oak doors into a high vaulted room. The dude who lead our tasting this time had a very nice pair of DMs on and was a pretty chilled and nice guy. Another flight of wines and we were soon in the van on our way to the two fat blokes pop up restaurant where we had been promised not only nine more wines to taste but also a flight of tasty cheeses to accompany them. The cheese was phenomenal. I’m proud to say the best of the cheese was imported from good ole europe! It was stunning. A real range, and all of them worked very well together on the palate. A new cheese, which I had not had before - a labna, was incredibly creamy and flavoured with a light floral tang. The smoky, the creamy, all went together with the light, the fruity, the well bodied, the red, the white, the rose, and the liqueurs that were placed before us. Placed by, frankly, our alcoholic guide, who admitted to always having at least ten of such and such a bottle on standby, and could happy put away a bottle or two of x and y wines by herself! Much respect. The tasting was made all the more hilarious by the bunch of Irish lasses who had the most amazingly over the top reactions to every cheese we had, it was either ‘the best fucking cheese I have ever tasted, oh my god, Sairosie, have you actually tried this cheese, it's incredible’ to ‘it literally tastes like, and you’ll forgive me for saying this - bird shite’. It was a hoot.

We were the first to be dropped off by the van and we settled into the van quite merrily, making our pre-planned ham and cheese toasties as our designated drunk food. But! These were no ordinary ham and cheese toasties!! As I set about making the roux to form the basis of the cheese sauce, Becca sliced the sourdough breads and began buttering every side. Soon we could begin construction. A doorstop slice of bread, a smear of the cheese sauce, a slice of edam, a few slices of chunky deli ham, a slice of edam, another smear of the mustardy cheese sauce, and finally another double buttered sourdough slice to complete the architectural marvel. Straight to a hot pan, toasted to a golden crisp on both sides, the innards, steaming and goopy. A triumph if we don’t mind saying so ourselves.

The next day we took to the road, bidding goodbye to our strange little campsite in the rolling vines of Hunter Valley. We made a stop at the two wineries we had visited prior to the two fat blokes stop and bought a couple of bottles for Christmas. We then made our way over to Nelson Bay. We spent some time durdling around on a very lovely beach and then made our way up to the headland lighthouse which had stunning views of the bay. We had a spider - an australian coke float, and shared some scones and cream. A questionable variant on the British Cream tea, to be sure. That night we found ourselves in a lovely beachside campsite next to the beach. We tried for another walk but the wind was so strong that it was like being sandblasted. We quickly gave up and turned in as the sun set. That night we found the joys of staying in a powered site, the next day all of our gear was fully charged and the fridge was lovely and cold, now flashing error signs for us as the second battery contended with watery first morning light falling on the solar panel. We set off towards Seal rocks, our next stop, having been recommended a campsite there known as Treachery Camp, by a colleague of Becca’s in Sydney. En route we decided to have lunch at the Rick stein signature restaurant. We hadn’t had any fresh fish yet and we had been looking forward to it down here. So we opted for a fancy meal to treat ourselves. We drank sparkling water on the balcony and ate spiced crab and wonderfully fried fresh fish, and bbq’d king prawns. It was fab!

Soon again we were on the road, barreling along the edge of lakes, and through winding twilight forests. Before we knew what hit us we hit the unsealed road and poor Valerie began to bounce and scream like no-ones business! We slowed to a five km/h crawl and still felt like we were sat on a giant washing machine. After a three kilometre stretch we hit the campsite and found ourselves in the midst of the remains of a festival type hangover. To top it off we were told that they didn’t assign sites we just had to find a spot ourselves. We were a little stressed and found ourselves between some trees - which we soon found out dappled our solar panel! We set out for the beach which was desolate, windy and beautiful. But alas we had no signal and had not expected being without it so couldn’t contact family to let them know we’d be off grid for two days. We didn’t feel like decamping either - only wanting to put Val through that dirt track once more when we left. We made some cracking food though, a very tasty cassoulet, and soon the rabble rousing crowd left and it became a much more young family beach vibe place. We grew more comfortable and relaxed.

We rattled our way back down the unsealed road two mornings later and were soon back on the road towards Port Macquarie. And I’ll leave you with this little tidbit of the next installment - koalas, friends and drinking - oh my.

With Love, Hugs, Spotty Signal and Low Battery Level Power Packs,

Sam and Becca

X

[travellingunicorn7]

I deleted this thinking I was outside the realms of reality and I probably still am, but I've decided to repost only because why should I delete it? Most of the sentiment is true and I'm not going to be shy or embarrassed about it. Fuck anyone who wants to be dick over it. Just because maybe it also focuses on one person, for everyone else- perhaps it focuses on you too, just as much.

Here is an novel/essay on my feelings. After this post I am going to try my hardest not to post anything else along these lines because I just don’t want to, I’ve said enough now. I’m just begging if I say anymore, and I don’t beg. I worry about some of the things I have said and I hope I haven’t overstepped a mark. I don’t really want to post this, but I feel if I don’t I may not get what I want, but then I may not get it anyway, so why not just say it and be done with it. Please don’t do anything hasty from this, accept what I have to say and don’t shoot it down in flames before thinking about it, because you never know, some things may be worth considering.

1. I am a true convert to Royal. You will not get me cruising with another company, not if I can help it. But I can not keep cruising on the same ships. I need to mix it up and see something different. I’m loyal to royal but I’m not loyal to the ships. I will be doing my absolute level best to see the other vessels within the fleet and if that means flying halfway across the world, so be it, I don’t mind, because I love to travel, but it does annoy me a little Australia misses out a fair bit.

2. I am saving madly to get to the Caribbean, Miami, London and the Netherlands. I am hoping between 2022-2025 these trips will happen. I can’t specify dates yet because I’m not in a position to and quite frankly I don’t want to say too much online about it, because I would like to make new friends in person where I get their contact details and maybe ask if they would like to be my personal travel guide when I finally get to these places. However I intend to stay for a full month when I do visit these four parts of the world. 

3. I’m not going to the Caribbean for 1 cruise. What a long way to go for just a week. I intend to pay for 2-3 back to back cruises within the Caribbean. I want to visit Coco Cay, Aruba, Curacao, Bonaire, and where possible; Jamaica, Mexico, Haiti and Puerto Rico. I am sold on Odyssey, she will happen, and I’m tossing up between Explorer, Oasis, Independence, Allure and Symphony. As for the Netherlands: Amsterdam, Zaandam, Zaanse Schans, Leiden, Lisse, Den Haag, Scheveningen Strand, Delft, and possibly Rotterdam are all places I intend to visit. 

4. Lelepa and Wonder of the Seas: I’m still hesitant, on these two, only because I have concerns, Australia will not be considered fairly when it comes to more information being released about them and Australia often falls into the Asian category when it comes to travel destinations. However if Wonder can be taken away from Asia then yes I will consider this ship. If Wonder is taken to Lelepa from Australia- I’m looking at Brisbane- then yes I will consider Wonder and Lelepa. If Wonder can not be taken away from Asia, then Royal and Brisbane better make some decent decisions when it comes to other ships in their fleet, that aren’t already here, such as Mariner, Navigator, Symphony, Independence, Allure, Harmony and/or Oasis to make their way to Australia for me to consider going. I’ll make that call when further announcements are made and on the completion of Brisbane’s new cruise terminal. I also believe Sydney is looking at building a new cruise terminal too, which I’d like to believe Royal will come to the party and provide Australia their “bigger and bolder” ships in confirmation and completion of that. Also I understand Lelepa will be different to Coco Cay but it better not be lacking too much. I would like some similarities for me to consider visiting. 

Before all of these changes of new cruise terminals are completed, I would love to see ships with similar sizing to Ovation, Explorer and Voyager (considering our ports aren’t big enough), visiting Australia more, as there’s not enough itineraries and I wouldn’t mind going from Australian port to Australian port; rather than heading to the South Pacific or New Zealand all the time. I don’t want to cruise with Carnival or Princess and no offense to the Radiance class ships, but they lack too many activities for me to want to jump on them, I know these ships do visit the Australian ports more; I just need a mixture of places to see and things to do on board. Not one or the other .

5. I am not interested in visiting Asia. There are few reasons why, I just don’t want to explain them here. Asia in general seems to have some amazing landscapes, and the people I know are wonderful but I would rather get fat than go to Asia. Unsure why I should, because I just said I have no desire to go, but, persuade me to go to India, Malaysia, Singapore and Japan and I will consider Quantum and Wonder. However will I be looking at a carbon copy of Ovation if I step on Quantum?

6. I am learning Dutch. I enjoy it. I will continue to say and write things in Dutch so I can continue to get a grasp on the language. I’m planning a trip to the Netherlands and the Caribbean. I know people in the Netherlands speak English but I think it’s only fair I learn their language too. I am also looking at Russian and Polish after I feel I have successfully got the Dutch language ‘down pat’.

7. Why Dutch? Why the Netherlands? There are several reasons, one I’ll explain later, I can count at least 5 reasons. Get time off and come and find me in Circular Quay checking out Voyager and Ovation and I will tell you why. Or better yet when it’s holidays, kom alsjeblieft naar Bairnsdale en vind me. Kom me alsjeblieft bezoeken, don’t fly straight home…

8. I cannot keep posting my music. My music tastes ranges from rock, pop, classical, electronic, dance, hip hop, rap, alternative, indie, folk, punk, blues and metal. Country is the only genre I suffer through. A few Australian country music stars however, can be tolerable like Lee Kernaghan. As long as the artist has 99% input into the way the music is delivered then I’ll listen. As much as I enjoy sharing my music, because I love music, there comes a point where you start to know too much about me, without actually getting to know me at all. You want to get to know me, talk to me. Here is a list of some the bands I have the most music of and if I could share my iTunes with the world I would, but I am not subscribing to several different streaming services to do so. Spotify is enough:

Linkin Park

Garbage

The Killers

Glass Animals

Arcade Fire

Peking Duk

Safia

Rufus/Rufus du Sol

Delphic

Florence and the Machine

Sia

Interpol

Kingswood

Major Lazer

Miike Snow

Kings of Leon

Gomez

Duke Dumont

Friendly Fires

Zhu

Jamiroquai

Spoon

Flight Facilities 

Arcade Fire

The Aston Shuffle

Fatboy Slim

Basement Jaxx

Chemical Brothers

Groove Armada

Marilyn Manson

Placebo

Foals

Nine Inch Nails

Mø

Arctic Monkeys

Cold War Kids

Hayden James

Mansion Air

Presets

Chvrches

Beck

The Rapture

The Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Jack River

The Prodigy

New Order

Depeche Mode 

Korn

Kasabian

Muse

Oasis

Gorillaz

Two Door Cinema Club

Calvin Harris

9. The list of emojis; There are stories behind them all. I will tell you if you want to say hi. ♉⚽🏊🏏🌹🇦🇺🔮🇳🇱🎶👻🚢✈🤸🐈🌷🌩. I’ve just explained the music emoji, I’ll explain my love of travel. I love my country I’d like to see Darwin, Broome, Perth, the coast of South Australia including Kangaroo Island, Tasmania and Northern Queensland. I want to go back to the US and Canada, and maybe New Zealand. As mentioned Netherlands, London, Caribbean and Miami are currently on my immediate list. I’d like to see parts of Russia, Poland, the rest of England, Scotland, Egypt, Morocco, Chile, and Peru. I work to earn money to travel and play pole. If money was no object I’d just spend my entire time travelling maybe I could study further and be a professional pole teacher, teaching all over the world? Just a thought. I like to spend my money on experiences and culture and education, not unnecessary things. So the aeroplane and ship emoji reflects my love for travel and cruising and ships in general fascinate me including the stories of ‘ghost ships’. Yet there will become a time I need to set up roots, sooner rather than later, and south east Queensland is currently getting my attention, but I’m not closed to the idea of moving OS either.

10. I will continue to be as honest as I can and saying things that may or may not sit well with others without name dropping. I don’t like sugar coating, yet somehow I live in a society where people get offended so easily. So I hold back. I say things on here and on my instagram because I can be me and say things that are true to me because somehow there are people who are offended in how I live my life, and it makes me worry about what our society is turning into where people are scared to say what’s on their minds or say how they feel without a keyboard. Too many people are wrapped in cotton wool these days, it’s why they get offended over the most miniscule thing. I think about that a lot, and that’s why I try and not care about other people’s opinions. It doesn’t always work but if you want honesty, check this out or instagram or better yet- get to know me and talk to me in person.

11. Let's talk about honesty for a moment. Lying and keeping secrets from me doesnt end well so don't do it. Being honest with me may upset me at first yes, but I'll accept it and let things be. Honesty is the best policy, regardless of how much someone may get hurt, just be honest.

12. This gets to my next point, why is it ingrained in current culture for arguments sake that men should be the one chasing the woman to get her attention. Why can’t the woman let the man know she’s interested? This whole ‘chase’ mentality just really needs to stop. She’s not going to play games with you when it comes to feelings so don’t string her along. Let your ego relax a little and let the woman ask you out. Let her ask you to come home with her, she’s wanting to get laid, and just as a guess you probably do too because you paid attention to her in the first place and wanted her to notice you. She might even want more too if it’s all worth it. She’d be open to anything ranging from friendship to lovers, to whatever works. We’re all adults and I’d like to think we all switched on enough to work out fairly quickly whether something is worth continuing or not. If he wants to do the work fine, I’m sure she’ll let him, but he shouldn’t be rejecting any effort from her when it’s given to him, because it’s probably taken her some courage to do so in the first place and wouldn’t he want the pressure taken off him just a little bit especially if he wanted her attention? She’s also probably just as interested, he would know if she wasn’t interested; and women can be capable too. 

Both parties should be able to meet each other halfway with effort, and work 50/50 to make a go of things. It shouldn’t be give and take and it shouldn’t be one party or the other doing all the work. It should fall on both sets of shoulders. A lot of women get tired of getting attention from guys, so they reciprocate that attention because they’re just as interested, by being proactive and doing something about it, and are more or less ‘ghosted’. That’s cowardly behaviour. If a man shows interest, follow through with that interest, don’t bail before giving anything a chance. Why can’t women make the first move to get what they want too? Didn’t the man initially get the woman’s attention because he wanted to sleep with her? Maybe she does as well…

Maybe it’s the social media. We all have it, we all enjoy it, it’s not going to go away, but it’s changed everyone’s ability in how to speak to one another. People are afraid to say how they feel now regardless of whether it’s good or bad. We can be keyboard warriors and armchair experts to strangers but we can’t have decent conversations with people we actually meet and want to get to know further, we are all too scared. How do you think your grandparents met each other? They didn’t have social media, they met each other in person, and spoke to each other in person and showed effort to each other. Maybe social media and the online world is what makes guys run away from normal or average or different because they are so used to seeing ‘perfect’ that anything different to ‘perfect’ hits them for six, and they don’t know how to handle it. I’m not perfect and I refuse to be, what a hard life that would be to live up to and expensive too. All that botox and plastic surgery just to be ‘perfect’ and to put on a persona that’s not me- no thanks.  I’m happy doing what I’m doing. I enjoy my exercise, it makes me feel good and that’s enough even though sometimes I do have doubts about my body, I see so much ‘perfection’ online that I often feel like I’m expected to look the same. I prefer to be stronger, fitter, have muscles and just be myself any day, than worry about what snap chat filter to use, or how much money I need to go under the knife or change my personality to impress people, so just take me as I am.

13. Also if you are in a relationship be honest about it. We don't need to see the ins and outs. That's no ones business other than yours and your partners, but leading other people on, showing other people your attention, letting them think that you're single and they may have a chance with you, when in actual fact you're not and they don't have a single chance whatsoever. That's not on. Not only does it upset the person your paying attention to, it will also upset your partner and then most likely everyone loses in some way shape or form. So just don’t do it. It's almost a form of cheating and I don't have time for cheaters. There will be no second chances with cheaters. If you are not 150% in your relationship and you want to be with and pay attention to other people, then break up. 

Once you make your partner feel like they're not the only one, whether it's cheating or not, that's a rule breaker. If you are paying attention and showing interest and appearing keen and single to others, when you're in a relationship, perhaps you need to take a good look at your own relationship and decide if it's for you or not. Maybe the relationship isn’t strong enough to keep going, sometimes you have to be honest with yourself, and especially if someone within the relationship, is wanting to make eyes at other people and wander, that’s not showing your partner any respect. (Not everyone deserves everyone’s respect, and that’s life, just don’t be unkind about it). Decide if things need to change and work on them. Don't throw your relationship away before you think about it properly, but if you’re not into the relationship 150%, throwing the relationship away is probably the best option. No one likes to break relationships up, but maybe walking away from the relationship is what needs to happen too. Look at Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth? Sad they couldn't work it out and make they're marriage last, but they obviously weren't happy, and the following behaviour, especially from Miley where she wanted to wander, she really wasn’t ready to settle, she wanted to be with other people, now I think they are both better off apart. You should be in a relationship for the right reasons. Is there a reason someone is paying attention to someone else and showing them interest? Are they really ready to settle? Or do they still need time to be with other people?

If there's someone else, before you go breaking everyone's hearts, make sure that someone else gets your complete and full attention, don't go doing the same thing by paying a person number 3 the attention you paid person number 2, when you just left your last relationship with person number 1 for. Does that make sense? Prove to the current person you are with (even if it means you broke up with someone to be with someone else), that they are the only one for you, and that you only have eyes for them. They deserve that at least. Person number 2 doesn't need you running around behind their back giving person number 3 attention, just like you did with person number 1 to get to person number 2.

Just don't cheat. Break up before you move on is all I'm saying.

14. Going back to all things Dutch, maybe I’m learning the language for one of many reasons; to impress a guy and get his attention, and I don’t know how successful it is, but it’s my way of trying and/or making an effort because he is still in my head. He is Dutch, he works abroad for 95% of the year, he doesn’t even live in Australia and the situation is incredibly far fetched and that damn difficult, I don’t even understand why I would even want to pursue this idea, but if you really can’t let something go, you put in the effort, you try and want to make it work, right? He will not leave my thoughts and I miss him way too much, more than what I should. I would love it if he either let me make an effort or he made a little effort in return, but I don’t expect too much really, I’m sure I’m flogging a dead horse after eight months and counting. Maybe he’s just someone who’s very easy on the eyes 💪 who I can only like from a distance 😍. I would like to be his friend, I would like to take him home and have sex with him and I would like to get to know him. Situations can be hard, and situations can come with huge limitations and often situations distort reality, I get all that, but give me a little credit. I hope he thinks about me just as much as I think about him. I hope he misses me just as much and I hope some days he thinks about the exact same things as I do, like wanting to get to know me too, or wanting to come to bed with me… naked… ��� I suddenly have Tove Lo’s Talking Body in my head.

15. If he wants to see me, or wants to give something a go with me, be it anything, then I’m giving him a few choices: Don’t fly straight home at the start of the holidays, come to Bairnsdale, het is niet zo moeilijk om een supermarktmerk in Bairnsdale te vinden waar ik voor werk, omdat iedereen boodschappen nodig heeft. Be my personal travel guide… Netherlands… Caribbean… Miami… Please transfer and be around when the 30/01/2021 arrives. I’d love to see a friendly and familiar face. I will be partaking in water slides, mini golf, ice skating, and laser tag and I will consider surfing and rock climbing. I still have around 14 months to go until my holiday and I’m not giving up hope that I will see him again yet but maybe one day I will if I can’t see anything working, I can’t hold on to nothing forever.

16. Would I like to contact him? Would I like him to contact me? Fuck yes, but I’m not here to beg for his attention. I also feel I shouldn’t, that I haven’t got the right to, so I sit here quietly thinking about him and doing nothing about it…. So, I’ve said my piece. I’m interested in him and I think about him every day. Everything tells me not to be, but here I am, still interested. I’ve tried contacting before it didn’t work, and I can only hope I see him again sooner, rather than later, for one last opportunity and where possible, there’s a way around the situation- whether it works or not, whether I can try and contact him or not, time will tell. I do think he’s around again for a reason, I just hope that, that can extend out until January 2021 if that’s the only chance available. If everything fails, it fails, and at least I can say I tried without bailing before giving it a chance and I’ll accept whatever life throws at me, I’m used to that. I will ask though; I’d like to know why Australia is on the cards again at the same familiar home? I appreciate it regardless and although I hate the fact I’m not around this time and it’s so long before my holiday and wishing I could find the time to see him sooner, I’m sticking around aren’t I? I’ll just be over there instead of the familiar, as I said I’m loyal. All I can say is, please accept my feelings for what they are. I can’t ask for my feelings to be reciprocated even though I would like them to be, I guess I would just like them to be have been acknowledged.

[shatterlabels]

"We were being railroaded by kangaroo courts." That's how one dispensary owner in Los Angeles described the city's process of licensing medical marijuana dispensaries to the Los Angeles Times in 2009. "They were just denying them out of hand. Obviously their intent was just to close everyone down," he continued. Nine years later, the state of selling weed in L.A. is both radically different, and exactly the same. Even after the statewide legalization of recreational cannabis in January of 2018, dispensary owners still complain of an inhospitable regulatory environment—one that they say makes it nearly impossible for most shops to operate legally. Given L.A.'s status as one of the largest cannabis markets in the world (and California's status as a trailblazer for medical marijuana), it should have been prepared when recreational weed was legalized in January. While the city's smokers may have been ready for the transition, its byzantine and restrictive licensing system was not. As a result, unlicensed dispensaries have been popping up throughout the city at a rapid clip, and now dwarf their licensed counterparts in number. Los Angeles' online registry of licensed dispensaries lists only 169 authorized pot shops, but Curbed reports that an estimated 1,700 dispensaries operate across the city without a license. A glance at the site Weedmaps reveals dozens of dispensaries in downtown L.A., while the map on the city's website shows only five. Unsurprisingly, crackdowns have ensued. As of September, the Los Angeles Police Department has charged 515 people with crimes in connection with raids on 105 allegedly unlicensed dispensaries, according to LAist. They face up to six months in prison and fines of a thousand dollars. One reason for the rampancy of unlicensed dispensaries is that the city has made it next to impossible for any dispensaries that opened after 2007 to obtain a license. The difficulty is also the legacy of the city's scattershot history of (mostly unsuccessful) whack-a-mole legislation that attempted to severely limit the number of dispensaries in L.A. Advocates say this legacy has unfairly benefited monied white people. "When I see the word 'grandfath (at Los Angeles, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bpm-yh4lCek/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=16c5bji1sm01q

[footyplusau]

Danger signs: What your club should look out for

THERE are plenty of things that can wreck a club’s season. Danger signs that, if they are not heeded, can put finals completely out of the question.

Our writers take a close look at the problems for each club that are keeping coaches and players awake at night – the on-field and off-field issues that need a quick fix … or a long-term solution.

Stop Rory Sloane and you stop the Crows. Sloane averaged 29.5 possessions per game in the club’s six straight wins to start the season. But he’s since dropped off to 14.5 disposals in the past two games, with North Melbourne and Melbourne applying an old-fashioned tag to limit his input. The Crows have struggled to right the ship when things don’t go their way. They conceded 10 straight goals in an incredible first quarter against the Kangaroos, before the Demons booted nine in a row (and 15 of the last 18 of the game) to overturn a 28-point deficit. Along with shutting down Sloane, the Kangaroos and Demons successfully closed off the corridor to the Crows. Instead of going down the wings and keeping possession, the Crows persisted going through the middle at every opportunity, leading to intercept marks and turnovers. Away from their issues on the field, the biggest concern is the fact defender Jake Lever and forward Mitch McGovern are unsigned for next season. Lever wants to wait until the collective bargaining agreement is sorted before agreeing to a new deal, while McGovern’s focus is returning from a hamstring injury. – Lee Gaskin

While there’s been a lot of noticeable improvement during the first eight games of Chris Fagan’s era (conceding two goals fewer a game, and the development of Harris Andrews, Eric Hipwood and Ben Keays among them), the Lions’ inability to stop opposition momentum is alarming. In every game this season, they have conceded a string of goals that has (aside from round one against Gold Coast) cost them a chance to win. Eight straight from Essendon, seven from the Western Bulldogs, six from St Kilda and five from Hawthorn – all at times in matches where the Lions had a chance to win. They’re a young team and maintaining four quarters of consistent effort is going to be difficult, but usually the problems stem from the loss of contested ball. Since the opening two rounds, the Lions have lost that count by 21, 21, 27, 19, one and 17 respectively. There’s not much experience on the list, but most of it comes from the midfield, and that part of the ground has to arrest the momentum shifts when they start to occur. – Michael Whiting

The Blues are performing better than most pundits predicted at the start of the season, but there is plenty of room for improvement. Their backline has developed into a solid unit and the midfield, while lacking some depth, possesses plenty of class. The problem remains forward of centre, where much of the responsibility rests on the broad shoulders of big Levi Casboult. Under the expert tutelage of kicking coach Saverio Rocca, Casboult has improved his conversion to be the club’s leading goalkicker after eight rounds with 13, one ahead of Matthew Wright, who topped the goalkicking last season. Teenagers Jacob Weitering and Jack Silvagni are still learning their craft, while key playmaker Patrick Cripps could become a weapon in attack if he can improve his kicking for goal. Off the field, Carlton is seeking to secure at least 50,000 members and is well on the way with 46,755 signed at the moment. Supporters should be encouraged by the development of the team, particularly the Blues’ exciting batch of youngsters, which makes them an attractive proposition going forward. – Howard Kotton

The young Blues are getting their chance and thriving under Brendon Bolton. Picture: AFL Photos

The Pies’ two main problems this season revolve around a key aspect of the game: kicking. Their star-studded midfield generates ample possession, clearances (+4.25) and inside 50s (+4.4) but their good work has too often been ruined by poor decision-making or shoddy delivery, or both. It doesn’t help that Collingwood lacks a genuine key forward, with the enormously talented Darcy Moore still in development mode, so too raw American Mason Cox, while Jesse White and his unfulfilled talent are again out of favour. The next part of the equation is conversion – an area in which the Pies have failed miserably. In the last-gasp loss to Greater Wester Sydney last round, Collingwood scored more goals than points for the first time this season. They have fired just one fewer scoring shot than their opponents but have kicked themselves out of tight games against the Dogs, Tigers, Saints and Bombers, the chief culprit being leading goalkicker Alex Fasolo (12.16). Exacerbating the forward issues, injury-prone Ben Reid has suffered another soft-tissue injury, which again raises questions about the 27-year-old’s durability. Looming large over it all is the future of coach Nathan Buckley, who is in the last year of his contract and is logically believed to require a final-eight finish to save his job after missing the finals for the past three years. All hope is not yet lost but Buckley faces an uphill battle. – Ben Collins 

From a game-style point of view, the Bombers are really struggling to get the ball inside 50. They are ranked 16th in the competition for inside 50 entries, and have lost the inside 50 count in every one of their games so far this season. It is fortunate their forward line has been able to score far better this season than recent years, in contrast to previous seasons when they could get the ball inside 50 but couldn’t convert. From a personnel perspective, Essendon’s list has an odd demographic, thanks mainly to the disastrous fallout of the supplements saga. More youth needs to go through the midfield as the season wears on, particularly as Jobe Watson, Brent Stanton, Heath Hocking and Ben Howlett are among the senior players out of contract at the end of the season and yet to strike form in 2017. The Bombers won’t want to shed too much experience or depth at once, so managing that situation is something they’ll need to be careful about when the end of the season draws closer. – Callum Twomey

Fremantle’s biggest concern is the welfare of troubled star Harley Bennell, who is struggling to deal with his latest calf setback. Bennell was intoxicated and asked to leave a flight from Melbourne to the Gold Coast last month while he was on leave from the club, and hit the headlines again for his unusual behaviour at Peel Thunder’s game on Saturday, which included pulling cousin Traye away from the three-quarter time huddle. Fremantle fined him $10,000 ($5000 of which was suspended for 12 months) and the 24-year-old has been challenged to gather himself and “reboot” by coach Ross Lyon. On the field, the Dockers deserve plenty of credit for their never-say-die attitude, coming from behind in all five wins and recovering from an 0-2 start to be on the verge of breaking into the top eight. However, at some point, Fremantle’s struggles to hit the scoreboard in the first half could come back to bite. Before last round, the Dockers were averaging the lowest score (29.7 points) in the competition to half-time and, despite being in front by five points, only booted 5.6 up until the long break against Richmond last Sunday. – Travis King

Harley Bennell remains a long way off playing senior football for Freo. Picture: AFL Photos

The Cats had been pulling wins from nowhere in 2017 through a combination of luck, individual brilliance and old-fashioned determination but three losses in a row have brought to the public’s attention the concerns Chris Scott has expressed all season. The main concern is the opposition’s ability to beat Geelong on the spread from a contest, with the Cats way down for uncontested possessions, uncontested marks and tackle differential, meaning they are not closing space, with leg speed more of an issue than attitude. The Cats will remain fighting for a long time because it’s in their DNA, but the fact is after three premierships and an unbelievable run of success, the system has dragged them back to the field. They have tried to trade their way out of trouble but it’s left their list with a few A-graders in Joel Selwood and Patrick Dangerfield, some ageing champions in Andrew Mackie and Tom Lonergan, and a bunch of players such as Nakia Cockatoo and Brandan Parfitt still a year or two away. The biggest dilemma is not their coaching but their talent acquisition strategy in the next five years. – Peter Ryan

Prior to the season, many experts had lauded the Suns’ young spine as one of the best in the competition. But eight rounds in, and there’s question marks popping up everywhere for Gold Coast’s tall timber. Perhaps most worryingly is co-captain Steven May‘s lingering contract. May said prior to the season he was in no rush to extend his stay, and as the year drags on, the Suns get more nervous. His defensive sidekick Rory Thompson is tremendously talented, but like so many times previously has succumbed to injury in 2016, most recently making the trip to China only to withdraw with hamstring tightness in the warm up. Sam Day is out for the year with a horrific dislocated hip, so who knows how he’ll return, while perhaps the least of the long-term worries – but a headache at the moment – is the poor form of ‘Two Metre Peter’ Wright. The spine isn’t the only concern at Metricon Stadium as the Suns continue to yo-yo from week to week. They were horrible against the Giants in round two, brilliant against Hawthorn a week later, equally impressive against Geelong in round seven and then pitiful seven days later against Port Adelaide. None of this is helping alleviate the pressure on coach Rodney Eade, who is out of contract at season’s end and desperate to push for finals. – Michael Whiting

Much has been made of the amount of talent on the Giants’ list, but a shocking injury list means the club will be tested severely over the next two months. It started in the pre-season when gun recruit Brett Deledio suffered another calf issue, and the former Tiger still hasn’t played a game, and probably won’t until after the bye. Long-term ankle injuries to hard nuts Stephen Coniglio and Ryan Griffen has limited them five games collectively, and while Jacob Hopper stepped up his role onball, a broken finger added him to the rehab group. Draftee Will Setterfield (ankle, 5-7 weeks) and Tendai Mzungu (hamstring, 4-6 weeks) haven’t been able to get a run at it and would have been valuable backups. The GWS backline has also been hit hard, with Matt Buntine and Adam Kennedy done for the year with knee reconstructions, and Nick Haynes still eight weeks away after hurting a hamstring tendon. A two-game suspension for club champion Toby Greene didn’t help matters, but the positive is that the Giants are 6-2 and in second spot on the ladder. – Adam Curley

Nick Haynes is just one of a number of GWS defenders on the injury list. Picture: AFL Photos

Hawthorn’s injury list has slipped into dangerous territory – both in length and quality. Medium-term injuries to Cyril Rioli, Ben Stratton and James Frawley have the potential to leave the Hawks floundering and a finals appearance this year – already only a slim chance given the tardy start to the season – would now seem an impossibility. With three first-choice defenders – Frawley, Stratton and Grant Birchall out of the side – Hawthorn’s defensive depth will be tested like never before. It is a relatively new world for the Hawks. Many of the newer of the club’s 72,000 members are so used to the team being successful and it will be interesting to see whether the fans keep coming to games. Last Saturday’s game against the Brisbane Lions attracted the third-smallest crowd yet to Launceston. – Ashley Browne

Melbourne’s inconsistency within games continues to be a hindrance as it aims to make the finals for the first time since 2006. The 4-4 Demons have won 19 quarters for the season, the equal-fourth most in the AFL. Yet, in every one of the club’s four losses – to Geelong, Fremantle, Richmond and Hawthorn – a distinct drop-off in a particular quarter has played its part in the result. The Demons allowed the Cats to kick 40 points in the final quarter in round three, the Dockers to score 46 points in the third term in round four, the Tigers to kick 35 points in the fourth quarter in round five and the Hawks to score 34 points in the first term in round six. There have been contributing factors in those lapses, especially the loss of All Australian Max Gawn against Geelong and back-up big man Jake Spencer against Richmond, however it underlines the work Melbourne still has to do to be regarded as a finals contender. Despite being a combined -104 in the hit-out category over the past three weeks without a recognised ruckman, the Demons’ in-form midfielders have been able to successfully adapt to life without Gawn and Spencer and the club is a combined +27 in clearances over that span. – Ben Guthrie

Cam Pedersen is holding up his end for the Demons in the ruck. Picture: AFL Photos

Ben Brown‘s transformation into one of the competition’s most prolific forwards has presented an unusual problem – the Kangaroos’ overwhelming reliance on him. Brown carried a heavy burden in Jarrad Waite’s extended absence this year, with his North teammates targeting him a whopping 40 per cent of the time. They were targeted a combined 53 per cent of the time in their two matches together in 2017, and 43 per cent in the past two years. Waite returns from suspension on Sunday, after missing the Swans loss, where usual defenders Lachie Hansen and Sam Durdin were swung forward to help Brown. Drew Petrie‘s departure from Arden St at the end of last season, plus Lindsay Thomas‘ form woes, have created an interesting dynamic behind Brown and Waite. Mason Wood and Taylor Garner came back this season from torrid recent injury runs – although Garner (hamstring) has missed the past fortnight – to display their marking prowess. But the trust clearly isn’t quite there. Majak Daw was a popular target (18 per cent) in games Waite missed since last year, but injury and form issues have kept him to one AFL appearance in the first eight rounds. 2015 first-round pick Ben McKay is being groomed as Brown’s long-term partner-in-crime, while Nick Larkey is showing promising signs in the VFL. – Marc McGowan

One of the only knocks on the Power is they haven’t beaten a top-eight side this season. The Power were far too strong for Sydney (15th), Fremantle (ninth), Carlton (13th), the Brisbane Lions (18th) and Gold Coast (12th), but fell short against the top three sides on the ladder – Adelaide, Greater Western Sydney and West Coast. That adds extra importance to the Power’s next game after the bye when they take on fifth-placed Geelong at Simonds Stadium in round 10. Now that their historic trip to China has been completed, the Power can get to the business of re-signing several of their off-contract contingent. In total, 17 players on their senior list are out of contract at the end of this season. That includes midfield star Brad Ebert, key defender Jack Hombsch, half-back flanker Jasper Pittard and utilities Jackson Trengove and Justin Westhoff. – Lee Gaskin

There have been warning signs for the Tigers stretching back to their 13-point win against Melbourne in round five. That was their last win, but they won just one quarter and have now won only four of their past 16. So what has changed? There has been a definite drop off in their rapid ball movement, falling from eighth in mark/play-on percentage in the first four rounds to 17th across rounds five to eight. That, and the lack of multiple tall targets in attack, has seen them struggle to get quality inside 50s. In the last four rounds they rank 18th for inside 50 kick retention (44 per cent) and 18th for scores per inside 50 (40 per cent). The loss of Ben Griffiths (concussion) is hurting, with the lack of an in-form replacement leaving too much on the shoulders of Jack Riewoldt and the smaller forwards. In the midfield, the Tigers have been comprehensively beaten in the contest, ranking 16th for contested possession differential (-10.8) in the past month. With injuries to Reece Conca (foot) and Nick Vlastuin (shoulder), among others, depth is also being tested at Tigerland and turnovers are becoming more common. Perhaps the biggest warning sign, as losses mount, is the fact that free agent Dustin Martin has not re-signed. – Nathan Schmook    

The Saints have had a terrific run with injuries since the start of 2016 but their depth will be tested now. They have covered David Armitage’s absence well but losing Jimmy Webster to a broken right hand could be a bigger blow. The potential replacements – including Shane Savage, Daniel McKenzie and Bailey Rice – are unlikely to be able to replace Webster’s blend of toughness and accurate kicking. Meanwhile, Josh Bruce’s form as the primary target in attack hasn’t been stellar. He’s picked up seven disposals in each of the past two weeks and while he has kicked at least one goal in every game this season, Bruce has yet to show the form that saw him kick 50 majors in 2015. Back then, the former Giant snuck under the radar with Nick Riewoldt considered the primary threat. Riewoldt has looked hampered for the past couple of weeks by a right knee injury suffered in round one but the Saints are performing well despite his diminished output. Meanwhile, keeping Paddy McCartin happy while he languishes in the VFL poses a challenge. – Dinny Navaratnam

The Saints may struggle to cover tough defender Jimmy Webster. Picture: AFL Photos

Few would have predicted such a fall from grace for Sydney, and while they have missed some key personnel like Jarrad McVeigh, Isaac Heeney, Dane Rampe and Kurt Tippett at stages, their problems were more to do with the lack of ‘Swans footy’ being played. John Longmire’s star-studded midfield lost their hard hats early in the year and as a result the team plummeted down the rankings in contested possessions (first to ninth), clearances (second to 12th), and stoppages (second to eighth) compared to last year. Josh Kennedy (27.9 possessions per game, down from 31.5 in 2016), Dan Hannebery (24.8 from 30.8), and to a lesser extent Luke Parker (25.6 from 26.9) were all down on their output, but things are finally on the up, with Parker (66 touches and three goals), Hannebery (59 and two) and Kennedy (57 and two) back in form over the past fortnight, and it’s no coincidence the Swans have won both games easily. Rampe’s broken arm has also cost Sydney their status as the rebound 50 kings, dropping them from first to seventh in the rankings, with the League’s second be-t rebounder in 2016 playing just one game this season. – Adam Curley

Alarm bells were ringing after the round-five horror show against Hawthorn at the MCG when critics lined up to savage the Eagles’ perceived lack of toughness around the ball. But it has been a strong response from Adam Simpson’s men, who smashed Fremantle at the contest in the Western Derby, held on for a gritty win over Port on the road and then more than matched the Bulldogs’ hardness to notch three straight wins and move into third spot on the ladder. Intent has been the Eagles’ focus and they have delivered on that front, but the next issue for Simpson to solve is how to feed a hungry forward line. West Coast is ranked 13th for inside 50s, has lost the supply battle in three of the past four games (-38 differential) and had to rely on a rock-solid backline to hold on late against the Power and Bulldogs. It’s an unsustainable way to keep winning, especially if the Eagles’ forwards have an off day in front of goal – as spearhead Josh Kennedy did in booting 3.6 against the Dogs. From a glass half-full perspective, it’s positive the Eagles keep banking victories, but they aren’t getting carried away as they search for their best football. – Travis King

While the reigning premiers sit eighth with a respectable 5-3 record after the first eight rounds, they are yet to the hit the form of last September. Injuries have played a part in the sputtering start to 2017, but so has the Dogs’ inability to hit the scoreboard from ample opportunities. It plagued them for much of last season, but they managed to get it right when it counted most. The kicking efficiency going inside 50 of their prime movers has contributed to the scoring woes, with Jack Macrae (30 per cent), Lachie Hunter (31 per cent) Tom Liberatore (33 per cent) and Luke Dahlhaus (36 per cent) well below the AFL average of 50.4 per cent. Even gun playmaker Marcus Bontempelli is below standard at 47.1 per cent.  Out of the regular ‘delivery men’, only Norm Smith medalist Jason Johannisen hits the mark more often than not at 59.1 per cent of the time. – Ryan Davidson

The post Danger signs: What your club should look out for appeared first on Footy Plus.

from Footy Plus http://ift.tt/2reXAmX via http://footyplus.net

[getseriouser]

20 THOUGHTS: “Talk about a He-Man”

THE circus that is the home and away season is already one third through and it’s only about to get more interesting. The fact that the clubs currently occupying the 12th through 18th at the end of Round Seven have participated in 20 of the last 24 grand finals shows just how random, yet exciting footy is right now.

We are off to China, the new rule changes have everyone up in arms and now we have to do all this knowing Louie the Lip is no longer with us.

 1. Let’s start with Lewis Thomas Charles Richards, a Collingwood captain, a Collingwood premiership captain, a member of the Collingwood Team of the Century. But it’s the post-footy career, a quintessential trail blazer in bringing the sport of Australian Rules into the fourth estate, it was with his vigour, personality and fame that being saturated with AFL news and interest and media platforms today is the normal we would know no different. This column’s favourite Lou memory would be the presentation of the 2010 premiership flag early in the 2011 season. Seeing him wheelchaired onto the field by another former club premiership captain, Murray Weideman, and witnessing the unbridling love the faithful had for him and for having him a part of this club celebration that night, was fantastic. To call him a great man is an understatement in the truest sense.

 2. Onto the field, let’s tackle the contentious rule changes all a buzz in footy circles at the minute. Firstly, deliberate. In its essence, it’s been a tremendous adjustment the last 18 months. Players being encouraged to do more to keep the ball in, not resorting to the subtle option of disguising the ball over the line to initiate a stoppage in play, overall that’s a good thing. So, the rule is fine, the only issue we’re facing is a slight overaction in the interpretation, be it by the umpires or in how they are instructed. Bad luck should not be penalised. Skill errors should not be penalised. If we can bring the ‘harshness’ of the umpires whistle back just a smidge – brilliant rule. So let’s not scrap it and throw the toys out of the cot, let’s just make a small tweak and we’ll be just fine.

 3. Now, third man up. Another brilliant rule, really not sure what the issue is here. Sure, the demise of the ruckman is at stake, perhaps, but that’s a separate issue. Let’s not forget why the new rule was brought in – two ruckmen about to embark in a genuine contest ruled powerless as a 5”11 midfielder leaps in from the side and renders both big men useless. How is that a good thing? Now should it have been legislated against completely, not so sure. But to allow ruckmen to ruck without interference is a positive. What needs to go is the nomination rubbish. When did it become a Big Brother eviction? Just penalise any team that has more than one player involved in the ruck contest, simple.

 4. Quick off-field player movement news. Josh Schache, the Brisbane Lions former no.2 pick, tall, developing, key forward, he is in demand. It’s an obvious one, and something the Lions feared from the get go – a Victorian boy, from Seymour, and you have nine Melbourne clubs keen to add a gun big forward prospect as soon as his first contract is up. How keen any club is to make a deal happen, with a contract offer he can’t refuse, we shall see, but Carlton, Richmond and I believe Collingwood too have all had the discussion to pursue him (the Pies threw big money at Tom Lynch so they’ve shown their cards), even gone as far to put prospective numbers to Josh’s management. Watch this space.

 5.       And also, St Kilda, they are cashed up, but it’s the new cap rules that will really help them out. So where in the past each year’s cap was mutually exclusive to any other season, we now have a convoluted four-year rolling set up where as long as you are under the cap across any four season cumulatively, then you’re okay. What this means, in the Saints’ situation particularly, is that if you go at say 95% of the cap for a couple of years, it means in year three and four you can probably go at 105% give or take in those seasons, providing the next couple of years after you come back down. The Saints have deliberately been under the last two years, so, long story short, they are keen on luring a big fish but most importantly have banked the cap room to not be outbid by any other club.

 6. How about Round Seven, every game saw the lower-ranked team get up. The Saints on their home deck took advantage of a GWS side who still looks very talented but you can’t trust them just yet. The Blues did a number on the Pies, the Kangaroos took advantage of a big first term with the wind, even the Suns toppled a Cats team that we’ll touch on later. It’s great for footy, you look at the NBA for example (this column is not anti-basketball, it’s just an analogy), every favourite is getting up in their playoffs thus far, it could be seen as boring. But to have more than half each round in upsets, that’s superb viewing.

 7. Those Cats. How about those Cats. This column has consistently been ‘iffy’ on Geelong and nothing to this point sways me from that view. Very few tricks up their sleeve, look properly beatable every time they go out there and aside from Superman performances from their captain or their Brownlow medallist, its fathomable to see them not winning enough games to make the finals. They however might end up winning enough due to other teams’ calamities but make no mistakes, this is not a side that should make, nor win, a final in 2017.

 8. Collingwood, ah dear, Collingwood. One point win over Sydney, the last team to win a game this year and a solid win over a Geelong side who has been described as ‘properly beatable’. Sure, the numbers (ergh, numbers), will tell a story about poor goalkicking, that many levers suggest this team should be winning more, that they aren’t that bad. But then there are so many losses. And there’s such inconsistency. I fear if there’s a drubbing at some point that would be unequivocally critical for a side that is supported still by confusion and flattering, misleading statistics.

 9. Melbourne, now that’s a different tale. The Demons are a good footy side that are leaving four points out there again and again. This team is good enough to play finals but they will rue losses, like the one against the Hawks on the weekend. It sounds like a broken record but a team that could easily be 5-2, it’s such a disappointment.

 10. Props to North Melbourne, who have sneakily been more competitive than we may have realised. Did a number on the best team in the land on the weekend, been close enough in a few more games prior, credit to Brad Scott and his staff for making some really tough calls last season and thus far, fairly justified in what we’ve seen to date – good signs ahead me thinks.

 11. So Sunday we’re playing in China. Why? All I know is that Port Adelaide did all the ground work to end up playing a team from a Chinese tourist hotbed wearing the national colours. Another, totally incidental, free kick to the fledgling Suns.  

 12. Pettiness is very ugly. We know it’s a shrinking industry but the ridiculous squabbling on social media between media professionals about whether their exclusive is actually exclusive, why someone didn’t attribute their platform with the story because they allegedly had it first, when they didn’t have it first at all. We need to ban the use of the word ‘exclusive’ or ‘first’ I think, in the modern world of instant news, we just done care.

 13. Quick props to ‘Pops’ this weekend – James Kelly, unassuming at times but a quality footballer and ask any Geelong fan, integral to their premiership successes, plays his 300th game this weekend against his former club. Cast aside from the Cats in some stringent list management decisions he became a pivotal part of the top-up element at Essendon and now has stayed on to provide very good service to his second club. A terrific player.

 14. Word out of Sydney is that whilst it’s still very embryonic, the plans to infiltrate the rugby league market are working. Plenty of schools are now fielding Australian rules teams and the participation rates for Auskick in suburban Sydney are steadily increasing. Very early, but so far well done to the AFL.

 15. Is the eight set? Given Melbourne has stuffed up too often, Geelong despite their worth will probably sneak in now, and the Saints look good things, is it set? Probably.

 16. What’s the point of the VFL? This once proud competition, the true forbearer competition (the VFL teams came out of the VFA in the late 19th century), is now a bastardised reserves set up for the AFL. North Melbourne will now enter a standalone team next year which will further sway the balance of reserves teams to standalone/aligned clubs. Before too long it’ll be purely several AFL magoos plus Williamstown and Port Melbourne, which is just a disgrace. We’re going to see the VFA die and nothing will stop it, nor will anyone care.

 17. Let’s head around this week’s games, firstly the Dogs and the Eagles, a big game. In theory, it’s in Perth, so the West Coast are certainties. But this column is holding faith in the Bulldogs; haven’t really impressed yet but have the credits in the bank from a wonderful September last year. But they might need to get a wriggle on. They’ll play finals, of course, but the odds of repeating their miracle finals performance are long, they need a scalp or two along the way to show promise.

 18. St Kilda take on Carlton and well, this should be a cakewalk for the Saints, they are a much better side despite the Blues’ encouraging fortnight. But this column wants to see how legitimate St Kilda is, and that starts with a comprehensive win this weekend. Anything less and an inconsistency tag could plague them all year.

 19. Huge game on Saturday night, in the sense it’s a huge opportunity for both teams to prove something. For Essendon, it’s that they are indeed on track, they are rebounding from a poor trip to Perth last week, that there’s something really good trying to break through from the disappointment of years gone by. For Geelong, a loss to Essendon rubber stamps the belief they are non-competitive in 2017, so they have a lot at stake if they think they are capable of something in four months’ time.

 20. And our game in China, venue aside it’s a big game for both teams. The Gold Coast aren’t as bad as we all thought and given their talent it wouldn’t take too much to see them shoot up the ladder GWS- style at some point, it was the league’s intention all along. For Port Adelaide, what is the real Port Adelaide. Is 2017 a flashback of 2014, or no no, they are still not really any better than what we’ve seen more recently?

(originally published May 10)

[anderfabulous]

darrencryss said: i happen to be an expert kangaroo researcher i know my stuff

does your uncle own a kangaroo farm think again