#and my dad who is also religious gets upset

[ms-demeanor]

Atheist condolence card like "sucks that your grandpa no longer exists and you'll never see him again, oh well"

I mean, I'm looking for a condolence card for a Jewish family (found a pretty good one, will be adding a note about a shared memory of the deceased and hopes for the mourners that their memory may be a blessing).

But also I have no idea why people find the concept of an afterlife comforting. Legitimately, that is unappealing to me and the idea that I would be artificially separated from the people that I love and reintroduced to them after a period of separation if there was no need for that time of mourning and loss seems. Bullshit? It seems like bullshit? Capricious and cruel at best?

Anyway when my grandpa died we got a phone call when they tossed is ashes into the ocean and we never saw him again! Being reminded that we wouldn't see him in an afterlife wasn't the sad part, the sad part was knowing that we wouldn't know him anymore, that we'd be on one side of a growing divide, that there was a before and an after and we had left him behind while we had to move forward. It wouldn't have been comforting to think "well perhaps someday when I have lived my life without him, I will see him again in a place where nothing from this life (all the things that I have done, all the things that he taught me) will matter because they were worldly and unimportant."

What was comforting at that time, and after the very many family deaths that I have experienced (and I've experienced a lot! I've been comfortable with the idea that I'll never see my loved ones again when they're gone since I was a very small child!), and what I suspect is comforting even for religious people who have experienced a loss is to be reminded of the people who are still on the same side of that dividing line, who we can still love and adore and support and make memories with.

Anyway. I'm an atheist at least partially because of my grandfather, who was a magician and a skeptic and took great joy in skewering the supernatural. It would be an insult to his memory to think that he was an angel lighting up a star in heaven or whatever the christian condolence cards say.

My grandpa did a sexy comedy magical immolation of my grandmother in front of crowds; there was a devil on the flier.

(grandma's the one on the right)

Pictured: Not someone who had much reverence for death or much patience for the supernatural:

(Funny story, when my dad came to visit this week he saw a 2-post 52U server rack on the driveway from a distance and asked me "where did you guys get the guillotine? Did I leave that here?")

But my family is probably *unusually* atheist and irreverent.

For atheists in general I don't know why people think that it's more upsetting to acknowledge the truth (that once people are dead you won't see them anymore) than to be told "comforting" lies (that you will see dead people again at some mystical place that you have no access to or proof of).

I *hate* hearing "they're in a better place" when I'm mourning someone I loved because that's something that's comforting for a religious person to say but dismisses both the way that I mourn and (frequently in my family) the beliefs of the deceased. They are not in a better place, they are *gone* and I don't want to imagine that they're somewhere waiting for me to join them again, I want to remember them for who they were and accept that they aren't in my life anymore.

"They're in heaven now" "they're with the angels now" "they're with their maker" - none of those things are true and they reflect an extremely limited worldview that I don't share and find pretty insipid actually! Thank you for trying to comfort me you are doing a poor job of it I'm going to go hang out and talk to someone who actually knew them and we'll share stories of what an asshole they were and what kind of crazy nonsense they got up to and what a big, important part of our lives they were and we'll start trying to make sense of how to fill the hole left behind with something practical and joyful and fun and honest that they would have loved instead of cardboard angel wings.

[blueninjablade3]

Yandere Frollo Alphabet

Real quick for my regular readers who are waiting for the Hades Angst I’m working on it at a snails pace but it’s shaping up nicely. I’m publishing this solely because it’s been in my drafts taunting me.

TW: Yandere themes, Slurs/ talks about slurs, genocide, medieval torture, isolation, abuse, gaslight, lack of right, racism, and religious themes.

If you are uncomfortable with any of this scroll on. I won’t be offended. If you are in a bad mental state I don’t recommend reading this Yandere relationships are extremely toxic and dangerous. If you or someone you love are in an abusive relationship, please remember you have resources to help you. I believe I’ve covered most of my bases so without further ado Yandere Frollo alphabet. Ps, left a little music if anyone wants to listen to that while they read.

Affection: how do they show you love and affection? How intense can It get?

I view Frollo somewhat like “I never quite learned to verbalize my feelings so I’m going to do very small things to tell you I love you.” Also, he brings you grapes. It’s every day he brings you grapes. (Unless you’re getting punished.) He does do the traditional kiss-your-cheek and forehead tho.

Blood: How dirty is he willing to get when it comes to you?

He’s willing to burn down all of Paris to find you. You and Esmeralda are gonna be best friends and shit talk Frollo together.

Cruelty: how will they treat you once kidnapped will he mock you?

Yes. Wtf do you think I would say “No he’s an angel” Brother has no problem calling someone a slur. Hell, I’d put money on the fact that he’d call a black person the N word hard R to their face. (He’s seriously the worst tho. Get y’all a man like… uh Prince Naveen. He’ll treat you better)

Darling: besides kidnapping you would he do anything else against your will?

Being an active part of the Romani people’s slaughter, being horrible to Quasi, and whipping people are the ones that are off the top of my head. I’m probably missing others but the point is he absolutely would.

Exposed: How much of his heart do you bear?

I think you actually bear 40%. The other 60 goes to the Bible and Christ. Don’t worry that’s still more than his family ever got.

Fight: How would he feel if you fought back?

CHOOSE ME OR YOUR PYRE BE MINE OR YOU WILL BURN~! But in all seriousness, he’s going to be so upset and do the same thing that he does to Quasi.

Game: Is this a Game to them? Would he like watching his darling try to escape?

No! This isn’t a game! Those filthy gypsies can’t be trusted! (it feels wrong even typing that 😭) They’ll harm you! You need to stay safe. In the bell tower.

I also don’t think he’d enjoy you escaping. He wants you at arm’s length at all times.

Hell: Your worst experience with him.

After one of your little “stunts” he had you flogged for a few hours and then you didn’t get lunch for a few days. (like three)

Ideals: what he sees in the future with you.

He sees a traditional Christian marriage (pretend male x male relationships were most of the time accepted by the church), a couple of NORMAL kids (he is the worst), and all the Romani people dead. (ICK)

Jealousy: does he get jealous and if he does, does he find a way to cope or will he lash out?

He gets very jealous and never controls it. He always lashes out. At this point, don’t even look at a fly anymore. He’ll get jealous of it.

Kisses: How does he act around you?

He’s possessive, creepy, and lustful. Think about how he behaves with Esma and multiply by two.

Love letters: how would he go about courting/approaching you?

He’s very traditional. He’s the type who’d buy a goat to give to your dad and then just be like “Gimme.” But he would approach you beforehand and have some small talk in passing.

Mask: Are his truth colors different from what people think?

No. He’s very publicly creepy and weird it seems. People also fear him and view him as dangerous which you can say firsthand is true. Creepy bitch.

Naughty: how would he punish you?

He’s the type to flog you for a little, isolate you, and then limit food consumption. You’re extremely afraid of acting out or acting against him for fear of his reaction.

Oppression: what rights did he take away from you:

Freedom, religion (if you’re anything other than Roman Catholic you’ll have to practice and pray in secret.), privacy, and if you’re American the right to bear arms. Really any weapons he’ll take away. (Maybe see if you can hide a dagger?)

Regret: does he regret kidnapping you? Will he ever let you go?

Haha! You’re so funny if you think he’d let you go or think he’d regret kidnapping you! The Lord brought you two together! You two were meant to be! Now stop struggling unless you wanna go back to the palace of justice.

Sigma: what brought this side of him?

I think his lust, pride, and lack of getting any bitches over his years all contributed. He got lustful for you, and he didn’t know how to react, then instead of admitting that he was in the wrong his pride got the best of him, and blamed you. When his lust won caused his Yandere actions.

Tears: how would he feel if you cried screamed or Isolated yourself?

He doesn’t care! You’ll learn to love him eventually. If you don’t… you won’t like what’s gonna happen. But do go ahead.

Unique: is there anything different from a normal Yandere

He has a massive superiority complex? He also can have people flogged and not be questioned.

Vice: what can you use to escape him?

I’m not quite sure. I guess maybe you could hide in the court of miracles?

Witts end: would he ever hurt you

Without a second thought.

Xoanon: how much does he revere/worship you and to what extent is he willing to go to win you over

He’s willing to go to extreme lengths. I know I’ve talked a lot of shit about him in this but in all seriousness, he views you as a gift from the heavens. An angel sent to him. His angel.

Yearn: How long before he snapped and kidnapped you?

He’s a patient man. I’m going to say if you play your cards right and Quasi is still young about 1.5 years till he snaps.

Zenith: would he ever break you?

Oh definitely.

Thank you for reading! Please remember that rebloging, likes and comments are much appreciated! ❤️

[romana-after-dark]

Rooms on Fire: I Will Run To You

Dark!Santiago Garcia x Fem!Reader Dark!Francisco Morales x Fem!Reader Dark!William Miller x Fem!Reader Dark!Benjamin Miller x Fem!Reader

Also: FishBen, and an assortment of other M/M relationships (no Millercest). Everyone is Bisexual

Series Masterlist: Main Masterlist : MainTaglist

Spotify playlist

Summery: Madonna learns more about her role and the dynamics of the household.

Warnings and Content:

DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT

DUB CON MOSTLY but there WILL BE NON CON. Major character deaths, forced breeding, physical abuse, brainwashing, manipulation, violence, gore, alcoholism/addiction, BIG OLE BLASPHEMY WARNING like this cult appropriates a lot of religious themes and they call reader their Madonna, Santi is called the Pope, like all that stuff. However, this is a cult so I mean. It happens. None of it are my thoughts on religion or meant to make fun of religion or demonize religious people. Disgusting views on virginity. Attempted rape outside the boys. T*m warning. Age gap. Creepy terrible men. Non-reader rape, dub con, violence.

Extra warnings for chapter: Mentions of medical malpractice, death in childbirth, mentions of male sexual assault via power dynamics, lots of complex feelings.

A/n: next chapter things ramp up.

3.1k words

A/N I gotta apologize y'all. this was meant to include so much more but I guess this chapter is getting split bc I just put so much Jonah lore. I hope y'all are formal about liking him. We finally get some backstory on the uprising, Tom, and Madonna's dad, who BTW, had a name change. JACK IS NOW MARCUS more info after the story!

Support writers! Reblog and leave comments!

One so young, so changed Should not be left alone Two in love should confess And not be left alone And I will run to you Down whatever road you choose Yes, I will follow you down I will run to you ~I Will Run to You, Stevie Nicks and Tom Petty

“You paint a lot of fire”

Jonah’s voice startled you, making you turn around but you relax when you see it’s just him. Reyansh was watching you outside your studio, and Jonah coming meant you must be summoned somewhere. 

You were painting a picture of a burning house, something you saw in a dream last night. Ben and Will treated you normally, fucking you but also spending time together. You supposed Francisco’s behavior was normal too, considering that he continued to treat you like you only existed to fuck when he had to fullfill his duty. He never touched you alone. In the week since you got your period Santi was ignoring you. He’d call you to his room, fuck you with your face pressed into the mattress, and then toss you out. Last night he shoved you into the hall with your dress still bundled up in your arms.

“I paint what I dream.” You mumble, tired and not totally there. You were terrified to sleep, and after a second visit from the succubus it was getting worse, forcing yourself to stay up later and later. Lack of sleep was making it difficult to be alert, and little noises make you jump.

Jonah approached where you stood, keeping a respectful distance. He’d been distant as well since the night you saw him, and you still were unsure what you did wrong and why Iris was so upset with you.

“You dream of houses burning?” His voice was gentle but curious.

You take a deep breath, too tired to fight off any questioning. It’s best not to lie, anyway. “Ever since I was a child, I dreamed of fire. I dreamed I was dancing in front of it. I dreamed I caused it, and it was out of my control and now I must dance in the smoke and watch as the flames consumed things that I loved.” A pause, tears beginning to burn behind your eyes. “Sometimes, he stood inside them.”

“He?”

“My father.”

Jonah drew in a sharp breath and you worried he thought you were sympathetic to his traitorous cause. You weren’t, you had remembered how betrayed you’d felt that he’d thrown everything away to follow Deacon Davis, the judas who had killed the Divine Mother. As per tradition, when someone is sentenced to death, they burn at the stake and the unmarried women are expected to dance. The closer you are to the individual, the closer you are to the fire. You had been Marcus’s only family, him and your mom having adopted you as an infant. He died in front of you as you danced, embers blowing in the wind and singeing your white dress and sensitive skin. You were only 12, but you knew right from wrong, and your father was wrong. Sometimes you woke up still smelling his burning corpse. You had danced longer than anyone, keeping all the energy your child body could give you until you passed out.

You turn to Jonah with tears in your eyes, “I hold no mercy in my heart for him, please know that. I am loyal to the Divine Mother, I am loyal to my husbands above all else! I don’t know why I didn’t get pregnant but know I’d die for them happily should it came to that!” Crying now, you desperately plead to him but it’s not Jonah you are speaking to, truely. You know Pope is questioning you right now, and you cannot bear the thought that he doubts you.

“Honey” Jonah’s voice is strained, pain anguishing him. “How much do you know about the uprising…”

Your face is wet with tears, almost shaking in fear and frustration. You didn’t know how you’d messed this up so badly so soon. You just wanted to be held, you don’t remember the last time you’d been held without sexual desire… it was probably your father, may he be damned.

“Deacon Davis… he was an advisor to the Divine Mother, a friend to my husbands… he and Deliliah conspired against the Divine Mother and her family. Dad- um, Marcus, was a part of the traitors and he allowed Deacon Davis into Divine Mother’s quarters where he murdered her. Deliliah was Will’s betrothed before. She had seduced him for information and, and betrayed her husband! I would never do that, Jonah!” You realize now why he was questioning you, he thought a traitorous blood ran in your veins. Had Pope sent him? Had Francisco seen the evil in your heart, the evil that was inviting a demon?? Or had Jonah simply seen you for what you were. “I would rather die than betray them! You have to believe me!” You sob, closing your eyes as you are no longer able to look into his in shame. Strong arms wrap around you, practically holding your body up. 

Jonah held you tightly and you cried into his shirt, so tired, so sleepy… You just wanted to feel peace again. Jonah allowed you your release, wetting his shirt with your tears until your breathing slowed. It occurred to you that you were hugging and being held by a man who was not your husband, so you take a step back looking down.

“I- I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me, I haven't slept well-”

“It’s okay, honey.” His voice gently reassures you. “It’s okay to cry sometimes.”

You shake your head. “No… no I’m happy, I should be happy here, happy with my husbands, I am!” You’d shown weakness, surely Jonah would tell Pope that you were unhappy, that this was proof of your doubt, of unworthiness… Instead, Jonah pulled a sleeve down on his hand, stepping up to you once more. He ran the sleeve carefully under your eyes wiping the tears.

“There is nothing wrong with feeling what you feel. Your husbands are blessed with a kind, beautiful, artistic wife and they should be so lucky you sit at their table, nonetheless someone who cooks them dinners and paint them pictures. It is they who are unworthy, not you.”

You gasp at the blasphemy. “Jonah! No, no they are-”

“Gods, I know.” He wipes snot from your running nose. “But you… you’re like a daughter to me, and a father is allowed to place his children above Gods. Marcus may not… he may not have made the right choices, but he wanted nothing but good for you, just like I do. So please, for me, show him and yourself a little grace.”

With a little sniffle, you nod. “Thank you, Jonah.”

He gave you a smile, the bright one you like that made his eyes squint. “Good girl. Now, I got a surprise for you that I think will brighten your day.”

*

Jonah watched as you practically skipped down the hallway. When he told you Frankie wanted to take you out for a picnic, you perked up so fast it was like you hadn’t even been sobbing in his arms a moment ago. He wished he could be honest with you, he wished he could tell you the truth about Tom, Delilah, and most importantly, Marcus… but you were so brainwashed, there was no way for him to break through to you. He couldn’t simple tell you everything you’d know and believed whole heartedly, your religion, your life, the very thing that you chose above your father was a lie… not yet anyway. Maybe one day you’d doubt, you’d question, and the first people you’d go to would be Iris or him, maybe even Reyansh. Rey played the part well of a good soldier boy, he wasn’t as overt as Iris was but he knew you trusted him.

Despite being late already with the crying, you insisted on stoping in your room to grab a ribbon for your heart. Jonah’s heart hurt watching you put so much effort into this.

Will treated you well. Despite Jonah and Will’s… past, he couldn’t deny Will  was a good husband. He took care of you.

Ben was a little shithead and was absolutely going behind your back with women still he just couldn’t figure out who. Ben had to be more sneaky now. This didn’t stop him from very loud late night fucks with Frankie that it seemed only you and Santi weren’t aware of. Still, he gave you affection and spent time outside of sex with you.

Santiago, he expected nothing less. Santiago’s moods were unpredictable, they had been ever since he was a child. Jonah had known Santiago and Beatriz since he was young, when all this was fairly new and traction was growing more and more. Jonah didn’t exactly believe, but his wife Jess did. Maybe he did for a while, it was hard to not with the things he saw… Beatriz had taken an interest in him and thus, despite being married, he spent a lot of time at the mansion with her. Jonah felt like a hooker, like his body was a commodity and up for grabs from anyone, and the worst part was how okay Jessica was with it. She fucking encouraged it. “Its an honor!” It wasn’t such an honor when she died giving birth to Iris and was denied medical treatment. Doctor said it wouldn’t have helped. Jonah knew Beatriz had something to do with it. He was luck Irish lived. She was his only reason for living sometimes.

It was Frank he was surprised about. Jonah had known all four men for most of the 3 decades of their life, and next to Santi, he knew Frank the longest. Frankie was raised with Santiago, practically as brother. Beatriz couldn’t adopt him, because something something divine blood, but that didn’t matter when Santi pissed her off enough. Jonah had witnessed the lashings and beatings he had taken, but what seemed to hurt the teen the most was when Beatriz would hang his godhood over his head, saying that it should be Frankie who was the savior, not him. After Jess’s death, Jonah was moved into the mansion and promoted to captain of the guard. It was just an excuse for Beatriz to demand sex even more.

Frankie was a good kid, but he always followed Santi like a lost puppy. Santi became obsessed with Frankie, forcing Frankie to become more and more withdrawn. Still, the nice young man was in there somewhere, and Jonah would bring it out. After the girl came to his room crying about Frankie not loving her, Jonah spoke to him and said he needed to do better by her hence the picnic.

Rey was out at the stables by the time Jonah got there, preparing the three horses. He was there a lot, knowing a lot about horses. If he has any choice, Jonah was certain he’d have been a vet. Another life, he supposed. Jonah and Rey would accompany them since they were going out a ways.

“Hello, Francisco.” She spoke softly, but enthusiastic. For all he and Santi hurt her, she loved him.

Frank gave a small smile. “Hi, Madonna. I thought maybe we could take a picnic. Get away from… everything else.” He brushed the mane of the horse.

Everyone else, Jonah thought.

“That sounds wonderful!” You walk over to him. “What’s his name?”

“This is Cielo. And those two,” He points to the other horses being settled. “Are Estrella and Flora.”

“Will we be riding Cielo?” You ask, but Frank turns away.

“I’ll be riding alone.”

You look dejected again, so Jonah steps up, frustrated with Frankie. “C’mon, you can ride with me.” Jonah puts a put in a stirrup, launching a leg over the saddle and onto Flora, his favorite horse.

“Actually” Frankie interjects. “I think she should ride with Rey.”

Of course. 10 years later and everyone was still suspicious of him. Frankie climbed onto Cielo, and Jonah rode up to him, whispering. “Compliment her ribbon. She picked green just for you.”

*

Reyansh pulled you up and onto the saddle, allowing you to ride the side saddle to protect your modesty in the dress. If you knew you’d be riding a horse, you’d have worn pants. It wasn’t the most comfortable, and you feared falling, but Reynash’s arm was strong around you. He was careful to keep his hands at appropriate places, which you were thankful for. 

“How is your painting going?” He asks, as since Jonah leads the group and Francisco is in the middle still not keen on talking to you. Still, this was a step forward.

“It’s good, thank you. It’s nice and peaceful. I miss-” You stop yourself. What you missed was when Santi used to sit and watch you paint, drinking his wine and intent eyes on you. It had been a comfortable silence. “I do miss having company sometimes…” You missed your husband, you missed his laugh, his smile, his praise.

“Hey, I’d love to sit in on a session!” You could tell by the tone of his voice he was smiling. “I’d love to see a real artist at work!”

You laugh just a bit, “I’m not an artist, but if you’d like to watch, I'd like that.”

“Deal.”

*

You sat against a tree, legs bent modestly in your skirt and eating the sandwich Iris packed. She also packed apple juice, which you loved.

Francisco was silent. He’d thanked you for your help setting up the blanket and spoken as he served his food, but now he simply sat there. He looked sad, but even then he was handsome. Francosco sported a mustache, which had remained consistent the whole time you’d known him. Santiago was growing out his hair and beard, which was making your heart ache even more that you couldn’t kiss and touch him like you wanted to. Still, the silence wasn’t awkward. You had begun to wonder if he was just… quiet.

“Thank you for taking me out.” You say, speaking quietly. Jonah and Reynash were circling the parameter and you felt… watched. “I hadn’t realized how much time I spent inside until now.” Had you even left the house at all since your wedding? When was the last time you felt sunshine before today?

To your delight, while still looking down, he smiled. “I’m glad. Don’t like seeing you cooped up in that house all day.”

Your heart warmed at his concern for you. Feeling emboldened, you scooch close to him.

“It’s not cooped up with the men I love.”

This makes his eyes flick up to you. He narrows them suspiciously, but not angry “You… love… me?”

Your heart nearly shatters at the question, and you can’t help but find him so endearing. “But of course I do!!!” Careful, you place a hand on his face and feel the patchy bit of stubble. “You’re my beloved husband!”

“But… you had to marry me.”

You shake your head. “No, Francisco I chose you, I chose all of you and I love all of you. Is that why you’ve been distant? Is that why you’ve been so cold to me?”

“I-” He stutters over his words. “I don’t think this is good for you… I don’t think I’m good for you…”

If there were ever words you hadn’t expected from him, it wasn’t that. Francisco was a God, he was holy, good and righteous, how could he not be good for you. It didn’t matter. Clearly he was hurting, and as his wife, it was your duty to make him happy again. “Francisco Morales, you are my husband, you are the foster child of the Divine Mother, and the love of my life. I chose you before, I choose you now, and I will choose you in heaven, Divine Mother willing.” You bring your face closer to his. “I adore you, in all your God and human.” Feeling brave, you bring your mouth to him and tenderly take his pouty lower lip into your mouth, making him whimper. You liked that sound.

“You choose me?” He whispers, slowly kissing back. “Out in the open, no secrets?” His voice is slightly higher now, almost whining as he begins to chase your mouth. 

“Always” The desperation growing, you give him everything you have. You don’t care that it’s an open field surrounded by trees, you don’t care that Reyansh and Jonah could ride up at any point, and you don’t care who might see you. You were divine and if you wanted to make love to the god of nature in his own fucking land you will. You had Francisco Morales, demi-God, whimpering for your touch. You had HIM, finally had him and you weren’t going to waste it for one second. He wanted thing sout in the open, you would show him you weren’t ashamed to be seen getting filled by his seed. Before you, your husbands were not celibant, that much was known. The sex parties were stuff of rumors and you couldn’t decipher the truth from fact. However, it was clear that public sex was not off the table. Shame is a punishment for the sins of Adam and Eve, and for men born without original sin, there was no shame in sex. “I choose you, always.”

Frankie entangles his fingers into your hair, feeling the green tie in your locks. His other hand slides up to cup your breast.

“I love this ribbon, it suits you.”

*

“Whatcha think’n, old man.” Rey asks as he rides up to Jonah. Both are perched up on top of a hill overlooking the field you lay on and he watches you kiss Frankie. 

“I’m thinking,” Jonah turns to Rey, nodding his head back home. “That I got it here, and since the others are out, you should run back and try and sneak some time with Iris.”

Rey smiled at that, but hesitated. “You sure? Morales didn’t seem like he wanted her with either of you.” 

Jonah rolled his eyes, but it was good natured nonetheless. He liked Reynash, loved him even. He was a good kid. Iris was put in the position she was in, not any older than the girl was now, because of his shortcomings, his weaknesses. She was punished to punish him. She deserved all the good she could get, and Reyansh Saha was about the only bit off good left in this world, beside Iris and now Marcus’s kid he was looking after. He reminded Jonah of Delilah in a lot of ways. Always smiling. Always kind.

“Look at ‘em.” Jonah referenced the pair kissing below. “She’s going home on his lap.”

Rey laughed brightly, turning his horse. “Oh yeah, you’re quite the matchmaker!” And he road off, long dark hair wild behind him. Handsome devil.

The words matchmaker hung in the air. Was Jonah giving her false hope he wondered? Or was he giving her the time she had left and filling it with better memories. He wasn’t sure. Maybe he was delaying the inevitable. It was always going to end one way for her. There was no way to live up to what Santiago wanted.

Because what Santiago wanted was Frankie with a womb.

SO MUCH JONAH HAPPENING!!!!!!!!

And poor madonna bc Jonah christ smelling your dad burn is a lot

So Marcus's face claim is David Habour, this came out of some chats with. @umnitsa in my romanaverse discord server. He is now your adopted father to keep things inclusive, but this is important as he has background info and ties in a lot. Think hopper in stranger things. Also May is already shipping him and Jonah so that ship name is Jonus lmfaooooo

If you are an active participant in one or more of my universes and have a discord (this means commenting or comment Reblogging, im looking for people who want to theorize and chit chat) dm me for a link! This is primarily focused on giving you extra content and sneak peaks but a lot of cool people are there too and you can share your work!

Please consider joining me in in donating to humanitarian aid in Rafah through Doctors Without Borders

LOVE YOU ALL!

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If I forgot someone or you'd like to be added/removed LMK!

[clownhara]

is there like a jester ocs 101 i do wanna learn about them

Putting these under a read more because this might get long

My family :)

Edward Roberts-Rosales: I made too many jokes about this bastard being my dad and now he's my dad. High key wants to fuck plants. Evades taxes like no ones business. Kind of a shit guy but it's funny to watch him mess up everything so we keep him alive for that alone Max Rosales: My better dad. Can really do so fucking much better than Edward but he settled </3. Is a plant man. Likes baking. Is the dad that actually loves me. Heron Rosales: I don't do to much with her but I'm trying to do more. Max's trans sister. Wants Edward dead and honestly, we don't blame her. Average chronic pain haver tbh please get her some Ibuprofen. Boaty McBoatface: My brother who is a boat. Edwards favorite son, despite being terrified of being on boats after he was the sole survivor of a ship wreck. I fuckinh hate this thing

Project Moon adjacent ones

Despise Domek (Or just Des): Local Enkphalin hooked rat. Goes by it/they but people close to it can call them she/her. There are two remaining people who can call them she/her. Steals things from people it likes to keep a piece of them, so don't invite them to your house. Things WILL go missing. Says the phrase "Well it didn't kill me so I'm fine" way to god damn often. Ambrose Domek: Not actually related to Des at all his parents just stole Des's parents last name. We heart religious fanaticism to the point of self harm!!!!!! Has two boyfriends and has convinced himself neither of them like him. Him and Des are besties :) Keith: Real Jester-heads remember Keith. I made this bastard before Ruina came out and he keeps fucking staying relevant to whatever game is out. How does he do it. Lobcorp him is Geb and Myo's adopted son, a Rabbit, and had a complex where he's gotta prove himself 24/7 and ends up getting his leg ripped off. Ruina him is trying to find Gebura again after the whole Library situation happened, and is wildly distraught after learning Myo's whole deal. Limbus Keith is content, much older, runs a weapons shop, and is gay married to Heathcliff. Jesus Christ I made him before the new translation of Lopcorp happened I think HOW LONG HAS HE EXISTED WHAT THE FUCK

Damien Domek: Also not related to Des, just took it's last name because he liked it. They are qprs though. Also is broke as shit but mostly stays out of the Rat lifestyle by just old fashioned robbing people. Loves lying to people for fun and profit, but he is honestly a pretty nice guy. Minus the lying

Randos

Arlo: Disgusting rancid cyborg scientist who needs to bathe and touch grass. I adore him though. Ellie: Arlos little sibling. She/they user. Kills people for money and feeds the bodies to the eldritch horror that follows her around Hector: The eldritch horror that follows Ellie around. usually just looks like a dilf tbh its easier for Ellie to explain. Can't actually speak so he usually just talks telepathically while making a bunch of hums, chirps, and clicks to mimic speaking.

Oleander: Local unethical scientist that unethicaled a bit too hard when trying to revive his even worse older brother and turned off most of his emotions manually to avoid coping with the mental toil. Sad! Many such cases. Can't feel any emotions other then joy now. Kinda sucks but he certainly doesn't seem to upset about it :)

Simon: Oleadners brother. Kinda. Moreso a robot piloting Oleanders brothers body. Fucking hates Oleander but after Oleander lobotomized himself Simon begrudgingly takes care of him now. Despite his complicated feelings, he's wildly overprotective.

Cybel: A robot Oleander made! They are meant to gather as much information as they possibly can in case some horrible event happens that kills off humanity. is quite literally indestructible. Likes ice cream.

Octavius: I made this guy to be a danganrompa villain back in high school and I succeeded too well. I fucking hate this fake ass bitch

Tabb: This fucking guy. Trapped in a time loop but he doesn't know and its technically not a time loop. Met his (now) husband ages ago but died shortly after meeting him, so he revived Tabb, then the two got married, then Tabb died again so Halt (the husband) revived him again but he lost his memories then halt died and Tabb revived him the Tabb died again so Halt revived him but he lost all his memories so they dated again and got remarried then Tabb died again and you get the idea. Very nice guy, a bit anxious, perfectly normal minus the dying thing. If it wasn't for him losing all his memories and Halt tampering with shit so he was in love with him i uh. Don't think he'd actually like Halt all that much tbh

Halt: Just wants to be happy with his husband :(. Sad he unethicaled all over that science. Hey are you noticinga theme here. Also he's a cat boy but thats really not relevant to his depression issues

Urge: Halts kinda milfy twin sister. Really sick of all of this loop bullshit because she gets to watch her bestie Tabb die repeatedly, so she packed up her bags and left. Can't be in the same room as Halt without them getting into a fist fight. Do you see the themeing with their namesan d their ideals. Halt is kinda halted in place but Urge keeps pushing forward because she has the urgeto move on. Do you see it. It is almost 1 am

Russel: A kid that got roped into this whole mess because he walked in on a Tabb revival tube without permission. Sticks around Urge most of the time. Had a bad homelife to put it mildly, so Urge took him in.

Theres way more of these bastards but these are the most relevant ones. I am going to bed now. Goobnight

[ladywisteriatarot]

dear lady wisteria, can we get a reading on jk's fs' parents reaction to jk and their first meeting?

sure :)

i got six cards! her parents got quite the bit to say, this post includes channeling (hence why i only answer this question two days after you asked me this)

long reading ahead!

the emperor. wheel of fortune. the empress. five of cups. death. the star.

with the emperor, they look at him as a very masculine man. it seems that her parents are the traditional type, hence why the religious background came up in a previous reading. they've always looked at their daughter like a princess the moment she was born and they believe that she deserves someone to treat her like one. jk is wealthy, successful, influential, well-known, and in the upper class. this reassures them that he can support her in everything as she needs and won't have to worry about the bills. a strong man who's the breadwinner of the household and takes care of his wife is what they desire for her and he fits the standard.

with the empress, they connect him with the idea of "venus." literally heard her dad saying "he's a pretty boy" but still acknowledges that jk is extremely handsome and good looking while her mom acknowledges that too and looks at him like "a gentleman" after they had a full conversation. her mom could see the love in his eyes for their daughter as it is extremely obvious. its that whole theory where a person is so good looking, you'd assume they're a good person (this is the halo effect, not an opinion or fact, just a theory).

however, with death and the wheel of fortune, they aren't too sure. they are delighted that she found someone that matches her energy and suits her. this is also think of jungkook as a lucky and almost "god-given" gift for their daughter, where they will also have bragging rights at cocktail parties but...they don't think they will last (on first impression, later on they know they will commit). they think he may not have enough time for her because he is an extremely busy man and that he might just be "another lesson" in her life.

they know that she needs someone to be there for her even though she acts like she doesn't. his tattoos and his handsome face throws them off a little too, there was a vision of when he first enters their home, her dad says something like "he looks like a player/an f-boy" in their ethnic language (which doesn't sound like korean) and her mom hits his shoulder and is like "be nice, you know she likes him a lot."

short answer for the five of cups, just like their daughter, her parents are really good at reading people. give them one conversation with you and they will most likely know what you ate on tuesday (exaggerating but you know what i mean). they could see that he looks like "a loner" (I DID NOT SAY THIS, they did, not me lol). very smiley and happy but looks like he's very lonely and been through a lot.

they think of him as the type to regret a lot of things and push people away when they are upset but they just hope that he doesn't do the same with their daughter so they're unsure of his mental capability of being in a relationship with their daughter. they don't think he's ready even though he's a grown ass man.

despite all of these things, with the star, they can't help but feel hopeful. this is the first time that she's been this open with them when it comes to bringing them someone to meet and they acknowledge that she's serious about jk and wants to be with him.

although it seems likely in their eyes that the outcome may not be the best, they see how they match each other extremely well and made for each other as if "they were adam and eve." they think that if they somehow work it out, they'd be so happy and have a long and forever-lasting relationship, they have nothing against him. they're all for him.

reminder: none of my readings are ever 100% accurate, including everyone else's.

[bobgasm]

unholy | r.a

pairing: single dad!rhett abbott x ofc!faith jones word count: 7639 warnings: establish relationship, fluff, high school reunion, drinking, mentions of murder/cover up, age gap [23/31] smut, nsfw [18+ only], sex in the chapel, slightly religious undertones, semi-public sex, unprotected p in v, rhett has a breeding kink [so does faith], daddy kink, pregnancy kink, bull riding [not rhett], sex in a field, rhett gets choked,

summary: in which rhett’s daughters meddle once again and it sees him and miss faith making an appearance at his high school reunion

author’s note: inspired by unholy by miley cyrus. a huge thank you to my bby morgan (@attapullman) who listened to me rant and rave about these characters and helped me create this cute lil family 🥰

tlhc oneshot | masterlist

Rhett had done his best to hide the invitation to his high school reunion, but with a pair of nosey twin daughters and a girlfriend who was just as curious, he wasn’t surprised when they sat him down to question him about it. 

His girlfriend, Faith, was a little more understanding of his reservations. He’d started to build a great life outside of Wabang, and to dig up some of those old memories would be hard. He was still the younger brother of Perry Abbott, the man who’d murdered his wife, and the youngest son of Royal Abbott, who’d helped him cover it up. While he was working on building bridges to accept his family, but also prove he wasn’t like them, to be put in a place where that was all anyone seemed to care about…yeah, he wasn’t excited in the least. 

Still, his daughters persisted. Eventually, they convinced Faith it would be good for them both. Describing exactly what dress she should wear to the gathering, while still in discussion about what Rhett should wear. 

“Amy said it’s all anyone in town is talking about,” TJ gushed, immediately looking at Hannah for confirmation. 

“Don’t you want to see your old friends?” Hannah asked. 

At nine, the twins were relentless. Stubborn just like their father, and passionate for things they cared about. Rhett couldn’t fault it, he really couldn’t. He only had himself to blame. He was kind and loving and patient with them, everything Royal wasn’t. When he was upset, he let his fists do the talking. Rhett made sure he communicated his feelings and that he was never mad or upset with them, that he would always love them.

It was important to him that they knew nothing but adoration and support from their father. That they could talk to him about their feelings and he would do his best to help them find a solution. Even when they were mad at him he would still tell them he loved them and kiss them goodnight. 

“You’ve made some good points, but ultimately I think it’s time we let dad think about it,” Faith stepped in. Rhett cast her a grateful look before smiling at his daughters. 

“You promise to actually think about it?” Hannah stared him down pointedly, hands on her hips. 

“I promise,” he assured her. “Go brush your teeth. I’ll be in t’ check on you both shortly.”

They did as they were asked, leaving Faith to handle the dad situation for them. She’d told them she was only onboard if Rhett was, but they didn’t know she had a little more persuasion than them. Leaning into his side a little more, pressing a kiss to his cheek, a couple days worth of stubble scratching her lips. 

“They know how closed off you used to be. They’ve seen you making progress with the other mom’s and dad’s, and just want to see you take back your life,” she told him softly. 

He rumbled out a sigh, running a hand through his hair. “The first two sentences are them. The bit about takin’ back my life? That’s your words,” he muttered. 

“No, they’re yours,” she corrected him. “They’re what you said to me after all that shit came out about who my dad is, and the state I worked myself into trying to imagine how you’d react to it all. People are going to talk about it whether you go or not, Rhett. It’s whether you want the power to control the narrative, or let them come to their own wrongful conclusions about your lack of attendance.”

“I jus’ don’t want any more bad attention brought t’ Ma or Amy,” he said, closing his eyes as she cupped his cheek and placed a soft kiss to his forehead. 

“Quit worrying, cowboy,” she soothed. “Let’s go say goodnight to the girls, hm?”

In the weeks leading up to the reunion, Rhett completely forgot about it. He admitted to Faith when he’d responded that he’d be in attendance with his girlfriend, she’d marked it on the calendar and organised with Cece for her to have the girls that night. 

The plan was to be in Wabang by mid afternoon so Rhett and Faith could get ready. The girls were thrilled he’d agreed to go, and had taken it upon themselves to find an outfit for him that would match Faith’s. She’d found a cute tulip shaped dress that was more red than it was rusty orange, but the suit they wanted him to wear was the perfect match. A dark green piece that they wanted him to wear with a white shirt underneath. 

Faith had picked out a simple silver chain to wear with it as well. The grouchy man shot down every idea for some rings or a watch, but he allowed the necklace. All three of his girls were more than happy he’d even agreed to that. 

Rhett let the girls help him get ready, like they had done previously for his first few dates with Faith. They liked that he let them fuss with his hair without any complaints, even though they knew he’d constantly run his hands through it. He felt naked without a hat keeping his hair from falling in his face, but a hat wasn’t an option, apparently. 

Overdressed and out of place, he knew they’d both stick out like a sore thumb. Wabang wasn’t the kind of place where people dressed up unless it was for church, and even then, cowboy hats and boots were the norm. He felt awkward, and knew he’d want to change into something he felt more comfortable in, so he kept a change of clothes of himself and Faith in his truck. If they were enjoying themselves, they could change and head to the bar like he knew everyone would do. He wanted to make sure to be prepared for every outcome. And if they weren’t having a good time, they could leave and head back to the Abbott ranch. 

He indulged Cece with conversation while Amy and the twins checked on Faith. Since Faith had joined his little family unit, he’d made more of an effort to be around his mom. He wasn’t the only one betrayed by what Perry and Royal had done. He’d slowly come to realise that and had apologised to her one night about closing himself off. 

Cece had understood, of course she had, but to her it felt like she’d lost all of her family. She was left to raise Amy while Rhett moved away to raise his own daughters. He came by almost every weekend so they all had some kind of relationship, but it was tense. Amy doted on the twins, loving that she had baby cousins, and Cece appreciated that she had a relationship with all of her grandchildren. But she missed her son. She watched him grow into an amazing parent without much help from her, and it hurt. 

It had taken a long time to get back to a good place where they could talk freely to each other, without it ending in an argument. They both knew Faith had been the one who’d brought them back together, so it only made sense that Cece was the first person who knew Rhett wanted to marry her. 

She’d seen it from their first interaction. The way she loved his daughters like they were her own. The love and wonder that shone in his eyes whenever he looked at her, like he couldn’t believe his luck. It had meant so much to Cece that she had her son back, and she’d expressed her love for Faith to him. Telling him that she brought him out of his comfort zone and challenged him in the best way, and without her, it might’ve taken longer for them to grow close again. 

She didn’t know when Rhett was going to propose, but she told him that the girls needed to be involved. They were the ones who set them up, after all. If it weren’t for their meddling, he never would’ve found her. 

Rhett knew he was lucky. He counted his blessings every day. Waking up next to a woman who loved him and his kids was something he’d lost hope at finding a long time ago. 

His nerves for the reunion were more for the big reveal of what Faith was wearing, if he was being honest. He knew she was going to look beautiful no matter what, but when Amy, Hannah and TJ announced that she was coming downstairs, his palms started sweating. He imagined this feeling would be ten times worse at their own wedding, but it only made his excitement bubble that much more. 

Faith Abbott. He didn’t even need to ask, he knew the answer would be a resounding yes. 

As Faith made her way downstairs, she met Rhett’s eye and beamed brightly at him. He wondered if he looked starstruck, because he definitely felt like there was a stupid look on his face. Breath caught in his throat as she posed on the stairs for a couple of photos the twins insisted on. 

“Doesn’t she look beautiful, daddy?”

Rhett could tell you every discernible difference between his identical twin daughters, but at that moment, he had no idea who asked him. And honestly, all he could do was dumbly nod and try to swallow the lump in his throat. 

“Yeah, she does,” he agreed, taking her into his arms and stealing her breath away with a kiss. “Absolutely stunning.”

“Surprised the stetson hasn’t made an appearance,” Faith teased, swiping some lipstick from his mouth with her thumb. 

“We hid it,” Amy stated proudly. Rhett had found it and thrown it in the back of the truck for safe keeping. Not that he didn’t trust them, but he didn’t like to go far without it. 

Faith thanked her for her help while Cece gushed about how gorgeous they both looked, insisting on a couple of photos of them together. 

“C’mon Ma, it’s not like we’re off t’ prom,” Rhett fussed. 

“You didn’t go t’ prom,” she pointed out. “You ditched t’ go t’ a tailgate.”

Faith grinned. “Please, just a couple for me?”

He’d do anything she asked, folding almost immediately. Keeping his arm around her waist as she helped him pose and settle against him. Cece and the girls all took a few quick photos and instructed them how to pose. Even with Rhett’s grumbling, he obliged. Eventually insisting they were going to be late, kissing the girls on their cheeks before ushering Faith out the door and into his truck. 

Faith asked if there were any people he wanted to see, holding his hand as they drove down the dirt road. She saw his jaw tense and his grip tighten in hers. 

“We don’t have to stay long,” she assured him. “We can ditch it if you’re not having a good time…get drunk at a bar instead.”

He smiled, raising her hand to his lips and pressing a kiss to her knuckles. “You look too good t’ go t’ a dinky ol’ country bar, Lil Lady.”

He wasn’t about to reveal that he’d thought of every outcome. Used to his kids getting messy or hating being so dressed up, it was second nature to bring extra clothes. He didn’t want Faith to think he didn’t appreciate the effort she’d put into her outfit tonight. She looked good, so good that he wanted to show her off. So good that he’d planned to take advantage of her in that outfit, and he knew she’d be more than willing. 

“Thanks, Handsome Cowboy.”

When they arrived at the highschool, Rhett was out of the truck and walking to the other side to help Faith out. She was used to his old school chivalry. Waiting patiently with a smile for him to get to her door and help her out, large hands settled comfortably on her hips as he brought her to the ground. She indulged him in a kiss, slow and sweet. 

“Y’ready?” He asked her, bumping his nose against hers. 

“Are you?”

Rhett chuckled softly. “No, but we’re here, may as well get it over with, hm?”

He kissed her once again, slipping his hand into hers and leading her toward the school. He hadn’t told Faith much about his school experience, but then again, it wasn’t much to write home about. He showed up, did what he needed to do, and socialised a little. Enough that people knew who he was, but that was a given in a small place like Wabang. 

He kept to himself – school wasn’t for everyone. When Rebecca, Perry’s wife, went missing during his senior year, everyone started looking at him differently. They’d whisper about her disappearance and throw looks of pity his way. 

Of course, when it came out a few years later that Perry had been responsible for her disappearance and subsequent murder, the looks of pity turned into looks of disgust. Then word got around that Royal had helped him cover it up. 

Rhett had been dealing with a lot at that time. His daughters had just turned one, he was at the crux of his career in bull riding, and he was winning every event he had. The shit with his family had thrown a spanner in the works and he’d had a particularly bad ride one night, made worse by the news that the girls’ mom had been involved in a car accident…he was a mess. Barely scraping the bottom of the barrel to hold his shit together, but assuming that his daughters had been in the wreck too. 

Cecelia had watched from the stand as Rhett took the call. She knew something horrible had happened, so had told Amy to run to the truck and get it started, she’d grab Rhett. He hadn’t even thought that his mom would give a shit, so when she’d grabbed him and told him to pull it together until he had all the information, he understood a little bit more about how she was dealing with everything. 

Cece knew how to prioritise. She had gone through hell and back with Perry and Royal, but Rhett needed her. He’d never ask for her help, so if she told him how things were going to work, he’d listen. She pulled herself together in a moment where their worlds had fallen apart, but the punches kept coming. She helped him keep a steady head until they had all the information. 

Rhett had never been more grateful, but it took him years to properly understand that was what a parent did. That was what Royal had done for Perry, in their own fucked up way. Cece had been the rock that Rhett needed in a very difficult time, and he had no idea. Still a kid himself, trying to juggle his sister in law’s murder, his career, and becoming a parent, he was barely keeping his head above water. 

His daughters had been left with a friend of their biological mother, Sally, who’d been drunk and gone out to get more alcohol. She’d caused a huge crash and her car had gone through the barrier on the bridge. The officer said it would’ve been over very quickly, but they couldn’t locate the babies after finding empty car seats. 

Rhett had called everyone he knew trying to find his daughters. Eventually, one of the nurses answered the phone belonging to Sally and passed it to Rhett. He’d sobbed in relief that someone was with them – that they were okay, and had to break the news that Sally had died. 

They’d been through a lot in their short lives, but he did everything he could to make sure they had the best upbringing they could. Giving up his dream to become a professional bull rider and prioritising their happiness over his own. 

It was how he ended up meeting Faith, by his daughters insisting he start dating. They weren’t oblivious to their friends’ parents gossiping about their dad. They played like they never heard them and ignored their prying questions until they had enough information gathered to sit him down and give him a presentation. It contained the type of woman they thought he’d like, the kind of dates they could go on, and Rhett had been shocked. He’d kind of expected, from their prior questioning, that they wanted him to start dating. He never anticipated they’d take matters into their own hands, however. 

They’d been his biggest supporters when Faith started coming around more. They adored her, and she adored them. She even made it known to Rhett that they didn’t have to have one on one dates all the time, and that they were part of his life. She wanted to get to know them better too. That kind of effort was what the other women lacked – they only wanted one night of fun, and he was well over that part of his life. 

The effort was so attractive to him, that he wasn’t surprised he fell head over heels in love with her. He realised it one morning when Faith hadn’t left for work early, and had instead made them all breakfast and was helping do the girls’ hair. He could see his little family was so happy and whole, having found their missing piece. 

His point was proved when the girls sat them both down a couple weeks ago and gave them another presentation on why Faith should be their mom officially and marry their dad, but also give them more siblings. Faith had asked him later that night if he’d let her finish her study first before they tried to expand their family. Her exact words were, “give me a year and then I’ll let you put a baby in me.” 

Rhett had never heard anything so sexy. 

He could wait a year. He’d already waited long enough to find her, so a year to let her finish her study was nothing. Plus, she was excited as he was to grow their family. That knowledge alone was more than enough reassurance that she wasn’t going anywhere. 

Rhett showed Faith around the school. Showing her his favourite places to hide when he had a class that he wasn’t interested in a subject. Eventually, they made their way to the gymnasium. He expected they’d be the most dressed up, but it turned out they fit right in. He recognised a few people, some of the guys still wearing their hat or boots. 

“You want a drink?” He asked Faith, feeling her squeeze his hand as she smiled at him. 

“Sounds good.”

They quickly got themselves some drinks, mingling with a few people who were excited to see Rhett. He introduced them to Faith and she happily chatted away to them. Loving getting to know everyone, and sharing what she did for work and how they met. 

Everyone Faith spoke to was lovely, but it was exhausting work. She asked Rhett a couple times to get her a fresh drink, earning a kiss on the cheek before he dutifully obliged, grateful for the brief intermission it gave him. Talking himself up wasn’t something he liked to do, but he was proud of how far he’d come from being that young kid. Faith sang his praises whenever she could, enjoying the chance to brag. She loved her little family and she wanted everyone to know. 

As the night went on and more drinks were consumed, they’d been pulled in for a few photos with some of Rhett’s old friends. Faith was glad to see Rhett had loosened up a bit and was enjoying himself. Sending smiles her way or drawing her near to steal a kiss. 

PDA wasn’t typically his thing. She didn’t mind at all because they were usually accompanied by their kids, but she loved seeing this side of him. This man was so proud to call her his girl that he made sure everyone knew it. He told everyone she was studying to be a Social Worker, specialising with youths. She loved teaching swimming, “that’s how we met, you know,” and she was a huge part of the community. 

He didn’t miss the way her look had changed from adoring to sultry, like she’d have her way with him right there if he didn’t shut up soon. She turned the lull in conversation in her favour, excusing herself to the bathroom. Rhett would find her, he always did. 

“You should come to the new bar in town.” Rhett barely registers who’s talking, nodding in agreement. Too preoccupied with Faith and where she’d disappeared to for him to care about anything else. 

She wanted him, and he wanted her just as badly. 

He found himself asking where it was. Wabang was familiar in some aspects, but new developers meant buildings had been built on land he knew used to belong to other families. With the information barely stored, he says they’ll be there. Excusing himself with a polite nod of his head as he exited the gymnasium. 

He bypassed the bathroom with a few people standing outside, hearing the faint click of her heels as he took a left and heard the heavy doors to the chapel open. The chapel was a small room, enough chairs for a class to attend the morning Mass that used to be held on Wednesday’s before class. 

He found Faith admiring the stained glass behind the altar, making sure to click the door shut behind him. She cast a look over her shoulder, smiling bashfully. 

“Y’sure picked a hell of a room for this rendezvous, Lil Lady,” Rhett said, slowly making his way down the aisle between the rows of chairs. 

“Forgive me, Father, for I’m about to sin,” Faith replied as he stopped in front of her, tilting her chin up with his forefinger. 

“Thought we would’ve left by now so I didn’t bring a condom,” he confessed, thumb lightly stroking her cheek. 

“What if we just…didn’t use condoms anymore?” She suggested, running her hands up his chest. “I want a baby with you, Rhett. I don’t want to wait for our family to grow.”

He groaned as he slid his hand into her hair, cupping the base of her skull and kissing her with a fiery tenacity that had her knees weak. She slid her arms around his neck, fisting his hair as his hands slid down her body. Squeezing her breasts, gripping her hips and groping her ass. 

“Fuck, y’sure about this?” He asked breathlessly, eyes finding hers as he rested their foreheads together. He wanted it more than anything. He wanted her, their family, this little life they’d perfectly curated. 

Faith knew she’d asked for more time and that now she was taking it back. She was scrapping the timeline they’d agreed on. It was huge, but Rhett and his daughters had given him something she’d never known she was missing. A family. Community. People to fuss over and adore with her entire being. People who had welcomed her with open arms, despite her past, because they wanted her to be part of their future. They saw her in their future. More than anything, she wanted a future. She finally saw what her future held, and that was being a mom to her boyfriend’s adorable twin daughters and expanding their little family. Being a loving girlfriend, and eventually wife, to a man who’d proved time and time again that she was worth the effort. 

“I want everything with you, Rhett Abbott. I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life,” she confessed just as breathlessly. He dipped his head to pepper kisses down her neck and over her collarbone, tugging one of her breasts free from her dress and wrapping his mouth 

around her pebbled nipple. “Rhett, fuck me.”

She roughly palmed him over his trousers, fingers trying to free him from his confines. Eventually popping the button and reaching into his pants to wrap her hand around his growing length. 

“Fuck,” he groaned against her chest, hitching her dress up around her waist. Fingers seeking her warm, wet centre. “Y’ haven’t worn panties all night?”

“Nuh uh,” she mumbled, drawing his head back for another searing kiss. She moaned as his fingers sought her swollen clit, fingers delving into her heat as she swiped her thumb across the tip of his cock to elicit the same sound from him. “Need you, Rhett, please.”

“G’na put a baby in you,” he growled, backing her up to the wall where she had previously been admiring the stained glass. “Fuck, Faith.”

She keened at his touch, whining as he removed his fingers from her cunt and replaced them with the tip of his cock. “Put a baby in me, Rhett.”

His lips claimed hers as he hitched her leg up around his waist and sunk himself into her. Groaning as he felt her tight, slick pussy stretch and relax around him. His tongue slipping into her mouth, tasting the wine she’d been drinking and swallowing her moans as he found his rhythm. 

Faith gasped as he bit down on her lip, her hands tightening in his hair. “Fuck,” she groaned, his fingers seeking her clit. “Feels so fucking good, Daddy.”

“Yeah, y’ like that Daddy’s gonna fuck a baby into ya, hm?” He said, lips and teeth nipping at her neck. “Fill you with my seed? Fuck, such a needy lil pussy. Grippin’ me s’tight.” He groaned as he felt her clench down around him, her breathy symphony of moans like music to his ears. 

“Can I cum on your cock, Daddy?”

He stuttered out a “yes,” losing himself in the feeling of her body. The way she chanted his name like a prayer, begging for him to cum inside her. Put a baby in her. Hips stuttering as his own high caught up to him and crashed into him like a bull in a china shop. Bottoming out as he reached absolution, not a care in the world as they defiled a holy sanctuary, wrapped totally in and of themselves. 

He kissed her as they came down from their highs, savouring the taste of her lips. The feeling of utter euphoria. The way she sighed and tugged at his hair as his mouth slowly devoured hers. Languidly, breathlessly. 

Faith felt exhilarated as they walked hand in hand back to the gymnasium. Rhett had tried to help her tame her hair as much as they could, but he couldn’t do much for the new hickies adorning her neck. Luckily her hair hid most of the small bruises, but she still felt like they were visible. 

They were planning on leaving, heading home to continue what they’d started in the chapel, then Rhett mentioned a new bar they’d been invited to. He’d blindly agreed, promising he’d make it up to her later if they just went for one drink. Faith knew he was enjoying himself, even if he didn’t admit it out loud. She could see it in the way he carried himself. Confident yet relaxed. It suited him. 

They headed out to the truck, promising a few people they’d been talking to that they’d stop by for a few drinks, if not to check the place out. Rhett grabbed the backpack from the bed of the truck, previously secured into the netting near the cab, and started to change right there in the parking lot. 

“Rhett Abbott, did you expect to have a good time tonight?” Faith asked him, taking hold of his jacket and folding it neatly. 

“I expected we’d be overdressed,” he replied, shooting her a wink as he pulled his boots off and changed from his grey trousers into a familiar pair of jeans. “There’s stuff for you in there, too. No panties, ‘m afraid.”

Faith laughed at the cheeky glint to his eye, leaning forward to press a kiss to his cheek. She handed him his belt from the bag, climbing into the truck before taking her heels off and attempting to shimmy into a pair of her own jeans. By the time Rhett slid into the driver’s seat, she’d managed to change into a tee and donned a bra underneath, her dress now stuffed into the bag. Slipping her feet into some socks and a pair of cowboy boots Rhett had gifted her earlier in the year for her birthday. 

Faith appreciated being able to change. The heels had started hurting her feet, and the dress was gorgeous, but she felt more confident in jeans. 

It was rare that Rhett dressed up, and she’d enjoyed the new look for as long as he’d worn it. She’d be the first to admit that she missed his soft jeans and stetson, happy to discover that the familiar hat had found its way back atop of his head. Watching him with a smile on her face as they drove to the bar. 

They arrived and made their way inside, barely any time to wonder if it was the right place when a few guys hollered for them both. Waving them over, Rhett encouraged Faith to go while he grabbed them a couple of drinks. 

“Glad you both made it!” Adam said with a grin. 

“Thanks for inviting us,” Faith responded in kind, slipping into the booth next to Adam’s wife, Erin, who happily made room. 

“I’m just glad I’m not the only woman here anymore,” she joked. “The other wives don’t come out much. Too busy at home with the kids.”

Faith nodded in understanding. “Do you and Adam have any kids?”

“Three. Youngest is ten,” she replied with a smile. “You?”

“We only have Rhett’s two at the moment,” Faith said. “They sat us down and gave us a ‘we want siblings’ presentation.” 

Erin threw her head back in laughter. Faith grinned as she caught Rhett’s eye, making his way through the crowd to their table with a couple of drinks. 

“How old are they?”

“Just turned nine,” Rhett answered, wearing a small smile. “Little demons.”

“Do you have any pictures of them?” Erin asked. 

Rhett placed a drink in front of Faith before handing over his phone. Faith unlocked it and opened his pictures, swiping through to show Erin. 

“They have Rhett’s scowl,” Faith said fondly, searching for the photo she’d sent him of the three of them sitting in silence on the sofa one night. They’d been pouting about not being allowed to have their own phones, but Rhett said they were too young. They’d tried to ask Faith, but she also told them ‘no’. It ended up being a rather quiet night, the girls going to bed early after dinner, leaving Rhett and Faith to watch a movie by themselves. 

Erin showed a few pictures of her own kids, two sons and a daughter. Faith enjoyed the conversation while Rhett chatted shit with a few of the guys, occasionally sparing Faith a glance and always delighted to see her enjoying herself. 

He kept an eye on her as she and Erin wandered up to the bar to get everyone some more drinks. 

“Do you miss it?” Cory asked Rhett. 

“What’s that?” He’d missed most of the conversation, taking a sip of his beer. 

Cory asked again, “bull ridin’,”

Rhett gave a shrug. “Sometimes,” he admitted. “Don’t regret givin’ it up since it meant I could spend more time with m’ daughters.”

“He had a boys night with some of the other dad’s and I got sent a video of him ridin’ a mechanical bull at the bar,” Faith chimes in, passing out a few beers to the guys. “Never saw him on a real bull, but it looked like he’s still got it.”

There were a few laughs at her words before someone pointed out that there was a mechanical bull here. Rhett quickly shut down any ideas anyone had about him getting on, despite the protests and words of encouragement thrown his way. He was adamant that was a one time drunken thing he’d done, purely to prove he didn’t just like the cowboy aesthetic. 

Faith had been curious about attempting to ride a mechanical bull at least once in her life. She’d been too drunk at her friend’s birthday when they’d specifically gone to a bar so she could ride one, and after Rhett had gotten on the bull at that same bar, she’d asked him questions. He’d made it look so easy, and sure it came down to years of practice riding actual bulls at the rodeo, but he’d indulged her questions. Given her pointers that she’d stored away for when she actually got the chance to get on one. 

“You should do it,” Rhett told her quietly. 

He knew she’d gone quiet for a reason, catching her deep in thought while everyone was trying to convince him instead. She leant into him, letting him press a kiss to her temple. 

“Hm, yeah?” She replied, not entirely convinced. 

Rhett hummed in response. “Yeah. Y’ want to, right?” She nodded, so he continued. “Then do it.”

“Okay,” she agreed softly. 

“C’mon,” he encouraged her. “Faith’s gonna ride the bull!”

The group they were with cheered, making their way to where the bull was set up, while Adam asked one of the staff if they could get it started. Pointing over at Faith to show who wanted a turn. Rhett walked her up to the bull, giving her a reassuring kiss. 

“Y’ got this, baby,” he told her. “Remember what I taught ya?”

She nodded as he lifted her up and got her set up on the bull. “Hold on tight, squeeze those thighs,” she recounted for him. “Don’t fight it.”

Rhett grinned. “That’s my girl. Give ‘em hell, Lil Lady.”

He wandered back to their group and she made sure she was holding on tight before nodding at the staff member who was in charge of the machine. He switched the bull on and heard the cheers of the crowd, but her focus was on staying up. Making sure she didn’t fight the jerky motions but instead went with it. Throwing her hand up for balance, grinning as she whipped around and used her legs to stay on. 

She couldn’t tell you if time went faster or slower while up there, but she understood the feeling Rhett had done his best to describe. The way the crowd seemed to electrify you while you were up there. It was addictive. 

The bull slowly came to a stop and she exhaled heavily, basking in the uproar of the crowd as Rhett strode towards her. Planting his hand on her head as he helped her off the bull, stealing a kiss that took her breath away. 

“That was th’ sexiest fucken thing I’ve ever seen,” he told her breathlessly, making a point to squeeze her ass and bring her body closer as he went in for another kiss. 

They didn’t stick around long. Enough to have another drink and share the videos some people had taken of Faith. Enough to know that Rhett was more wound up than she initially thought. Enough to know that he wasn’t the only one aroused by her performance – being hit on by no less than three guys who hadn’t gotten the hint that she was taken. That she was Rhett Abbott’s girl. 

Rhett’s old school friends knew him to be a bit of a hot head. Throw punches first, ask questions later. They’d kept an eye on him as he sipped his beer and watched Faith shoot them down, wondering how often this happened for him to seem unbothered by it. 

In truth, Rhett was bothered by it. Every time it happened, to be exact. He knew his girlfriend was young and gorgeous. He also knew that he was the one who took her home every night. He was the one she loved and he found comfort in that. 

He had trust…he had Faith. 

Faith watched him pull the truck into the west paddock instead of following the dirt road up to the house. She didn’t make a comment about it, but wondered what he had planned. 

The Abbott ranch had gone through some changes over the years. Rhett regretted not sticking around to help tend to the cattle and maintain the property, but Cece had done what she’d needed to do. She’d downsized the amount of land they owned, mostly to pay off the legal fees of Perry and Royal, and help keep her and Amy afloat. Another chunk was sold to developers who had yet to do anything with it, but Cece and Amy had transformed the ranch into a horse sanctuary. They trained and broke in horses, as well as ran camps during the school breaks. They’d done well for themselves and Rhett couldn’t be prouder of them – he just wished he could’ve been more help. 

The first time he’d brought Faith home to meet his Ma was the first time he’d actually seen the work Cece and Amy had put into the ranch. They’d been overjoyed to give them a full tour, even though Rhett heard stories about it from Hannah and TJ. Faith had helped him put his feelings into perspective about everything, that he wasn’t letting his mother and niece down by prioritising his daughters. Family was about compromise and they all had to make sacrifices in order to get to where they were today, not just him. 

“If Cece doesn’t hold a grudge, neither should you. The past is the past, and you can only work on mending your relationships so they’re stronger in the future,” she’d told him. 

She’d been right. He’d slowly talked all the past shit out with Cece and they were growing closer again. Things would never be how they were before shit went down, but it was several steps in the right direction. They weren’t the same people anymore. Rhett was beginning to realise that more and more, and accepting that change was huge for him. 

Faith stayed in the cab of the truck while Rhett set up the back. He’d made sure they had pillows and blankets and had even bought an air mattress to lie on. He knew how much Faith loved stargazing and camping, and while they weren’t in a tent, he hoped it would suffice. 

She heard him jump off the back of the truck and looked out her window as he opened her door. 

“What are you planning?” She asked with a slight teasing in her tone. 

“Camping,” he replied. “In a sense. C’mon.”

Faith couldn’t keep the grin from her face as Rhett helped her up into the bed of the truck, taking her boots off before she collapsed onto the makeshift bed. Rhett joined her a moment later, peppering her face with soft kisses as she laughed breathily. 

“What’s the occasion?”

“Just ‘cause I love you,” he said simply. “Can’t I do something nice for my girl every now an’ then?”

Faith hummed as she pressed her lips to his, combing her fingers through his hair. “Here I was thinking it was because you weren’t finished watching me ride,” she teased. 

He easily rolled them over so she was on top of him, straddling his waist. Her hands resting on his chest, his on her thighs. 

“I’ll never get enough of watching y’ ride,” he said, rolling his hips so she could feel the swell of his arousal. 

“Yeah?” She mewled, rolling her own hips against his. “Y’ want me to ride you, Handsome Cowboy?”

“Fuck yeah I do, Lil Lady,” he replied with a grin. “First, I want y’ to ride m’ face.”

Faith’s breath hitched as Rhett placed his hands on her inner thighs and effortlessly moved her so she was sitting on his chest. Reaching down, she twirled some of his hair around her finger. “Can anyone see us out here?”

“Not unless they’ve got binoculars,” he assured her. “Y’ gonna be a good girl and ride Daddy’s face?”

Faith was quick, it always stunned Rhett how eager she was for him. The first one to get naked. The first one to go down – it turned her on more than receiving, though she never said ‘no’ when he buried his face in her cunt and drew orgasm after orgasm from her. He shouldn’t have been surprised that she’d be more than willing to ride his face, yet he sensed her hesitation as she hovered just above his lips. 

“I said sit on my face, Faith,” he growled, forcing her down the rest of the way until his mouth was covered. Tongue laying flat against her slick pussy. 

She moaned as he guided her hips, helping her find a rhythm that drove her wild. Hands braced on the roof of the truck cab and she began riding his face with reckless abandon. Gasping and moaning as he smacked her ass or groped her chest. Moaning against her core as her clit brushed against his nose. 

“Fuck,” she groaned, her moans growing louder and more frequent. The pitch changing as she sought her orgasm. “RhettRhettRhett,” she chanted, succumbing to the bliss that erupted in her stomach and spread like shockwaves throughout her entirety. 

Rhett lapped and savoured the taste of Faith on his tongue. Planting a firm kiss to her cunt before sucking a bruise into her inner thigh. 

“That’s my girl,” he praised, grinning up at her with her arousal glistening in the moonlight on his chin. 

“Wanna ride your cock, Daddy,” she panted breathlessly. “Want you to cum inside me again.”

Rhett groaned at her words, hands groping her hips. “Y’ really want Daddy t’ put a baby in ya, hm?”

Faith nodded, bottom lip captured between her teeth as she gazed down at him. “Wanna ride you ‘til you knock me up, Daddy.”

Rhett was more than willing to oblige, quickly undressing and pulling Faith back into his lap. She slid her arms up his chest, fingers skimming over his tattoos – one on his ribs, the bull on his chest to the tiny footprints in the shape of a heart over his heart. He smiled as he cupped her face, pressing his lips to hers. 

Faith reached between their bodies, gripping his cock and positioning his tip at her entrance. Rhett’s hands were on her hips as she slowly sank down on his length, gasping at the stretch and welcoming the familiarity. 

“Fill me so good, Daddy,” she praised, wiggling her hips a little to make Rhett groan. It was guttural and sent shivers down her spine. “So deep inside me.”

“Y’ look beautiful,” he told her, raising a hand to cup her face and draw her head down for a kiss. 

Faith indulged him for a bit, his cock nestled snugly inside her as she draped herself over him. Chests flush together and his arms wrapped around her back, holding her even closer. Her arms tucked around his head, small moans slipping past their lips. 

Rhett’s hands slid down to her ass, fingers gripping the supple flesh and lifting her slightly. Faith groaned and wiggled her hips, sinking back down on him as she broke their kiss. 

“Use your words if you want me to start riding you, Handsome Cowboy,” she told him, hands braced on his shoulders as she gave him a sultry smile. 

“Need y’ t’start ridin’ me, Lil Lady,” he told her breathlessly. “Y’ feel so good. Need more.”

Faith started rolling her hips, watching the pleasure in his face as she clenched her core and tightened around him. Rising off him slightly before taking him deep again and repeating the motion. Finding a steady rhythm as his hands slid up her body. Rough fingertips brushing against her sensitive nipples, pinching them harshly before taking them in his hands and massaging them gently. 

He knew Faith liked a little pain with her pleasure. Knew she was receptive to it. He watched the way her face contorted with the harsh pinch, felt the way she tightened around his cock. He groaned as she threw her head back, giving herself over to the pleasure. 

Rhett braced his feet, digging his heels into the soft air mattress as he started meeting her thrusts. Her short, sharp gasps filled his ears. Hand slipping on his chest to his neck.

“That’s it,” Rhett goaded her. “Squeeze m’ neck. Fuck.”

Faith groaned at his words but did as he asked, squeezing his neck and watching a delirious grin form on his face. “I’m gonna cum.” She panted, the coil in her abdomen moments away from snapping. “Feel s’good, Daddy. FuckFuckFuck.”

Rhett pinched her nipples once again, watching her throw her head back as her body tightened and spasmed. Dropping his hands to her hips, he kept her upright. Fucking her through her orgasm, flipping her onto her back and hooking her legs over his shoulders as he drove into her. 

“S’good to me,” she praised him, stroking his cheek as he braced himself on his forearms, lips mashing together in a desperate kiss as he reached his own orgasm. “Want all your cum inside me, Daddy. Fill me up real good. Show me how much you wanna knock me up.”

“Fuck, Faith,” he panted, dropping his head to her shoulder. Cock twitching and spilling inside her, her cunt milking his orgasm from him. “Fuck.”

“Just like that, Daddy,” she continued, running her hand through his hair. 

He dropped her legs from his shoulders, bodies still connected as he peppered kisses over her neck and chest. Nipping and sucking small bruises into her heated skin. 

“Love you s’much, Lil Lady,” he murmured against her skin. 

“Love you more, Handsome Cowboy.”

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I canceled my wedding or at least change the plans I already agreed to?

So I (26M) got engage to my boyfriend (28M), we’ll call him John, about 4 weeks ago. We’ve been together for the past 5 years.

To provide some context, John and I come from different backgrounds, he grew up in a upper middle class urban and very progressive family, I come from a middle class/lower middle class rural family. I have one twin brother (26M) and one sister (17F) and my mom and dad. They all are very involved in the local community and their church and basically everyone in my family is very religious (but my sister). I always was a good student growing up, so naturally about 9-10 years ago, I left my hometown and move to the big city about 4h away to study. I have been out to my family for about 3-4 years now, and while I wouldn’t say they are supportive, they are not homophobic either. Mostly we don’t talk about it and just pretend like there’s nothing. I’m pretty happy with this situation because I know of so many people who were just rejected by their family, so I feel lucky they are still here for me.

So anyway, back to the wedding, John really wants to have a big wedding where we would invite everyone in our families and friends, just like his siblings had (he has 5 brothers and 2 sisters) and since I’ve been to 2 of his brother’s weddings and enjoyed them a lot, I agreed that this is the kind of wedding I wanted.

Then I called my mom to tell her about the engagement and the wedding, but she told me that, she doesn’t want to be rude, she’s truly happy and proud of me, but that her, my dad, brother and sister wouldn’t attend because that would be too much for them. (I also suspect that they’re afraid that people in my hometown will learn about it and start talking). My sister later reached out to tell me she was saving her allowance so she could come.

I told John about the decision of my family not to come to the wedding and he gave me the look (queer/lgbt people out there, you know THAT look) and was visibly upset. Later we went to play soccer with 2 of his brothers (that I’ve actually known for longer than John) and we talked about it. I explained that I was kind of bummed out to have to do all the wedding stuff without my family (especially my bro) like choosing the tuxedo etc. of course they both gave me the look, then they told me it was non sense that I wasn’t gonna do it alone, and that they would do it with me, because after all after all these years I was like one of the brothers. Later that day also, john’s dad called to tell me how sorry he was, and that I he would also do all the wedding stuff with me and the brothers, and that John would rather have his mom with him for that anyway. That was really sweet of them and I thanked them all (and kind of agreed to it?).

Last weekend, we were discussing the guest list for the wedding with John, (we won’t get married before next summer but apparently you gotta do these things super early), and John told me he already told his whole family (that’s like 45 people) and his childhood friends (around 30 people) and they were super excited to meet me (for those I don’t know). This is the moment I became very uncomfortable about the wedding, because I’m gonna have like 10-15 people with the +1, all friends that I made as an adult and no one from my family or my childhood. I also realized that I was gonna spend my wedding day getting the look from EVERYONE we know and this is just not something that I want.

Now I’m thinking of canceling the wedding because I know this is gonna be a terrible day for me, but since I know John really wants to get married and I sort of already agreed to the big wedding plan, he talked to everyone about it and I don’t know if I can ask him to scale it down to like 10 people and close family only? So WIBTA if I canceled my wedding or change the plans after agreeing to it?

PS1: I know the real AH are my family in this situation, but this is not something I can control so pointing that out is useless. I want to know would I be an AH if I did something within my control and how can I not be one. And just fyi, they are great people, not progressive for sure, but they are trying the best they know how and for that they deserve more respect than hate.

PS2: I know my sister told me she would be here, but if my parents aren’t coming, I’d rather she doesn’t come because I’m afraid this is gonna create so many problems for her and my parents. Of course, if I feel like she’s gonna show up anyway, I’ll pay for her trip expenses, she’s still a child.

PS3: No I haven’t talk to John about the look and how I feel because I know it’s gonna ruin the day for him, and that he will try to fix it and find a solution to a problem that doesn’t really have one. He’s sweet but he would be useless in this situation. And I love him enough that if necessary I’ll go through with the original plan so that he can have this day to remember.

What are these acronyms?

[a-substantial-trash-pile]

i love my mom but man does it suck when she starts talking to me about god shit. because it always leads to her trying to guilt trip me into being more religious, saying things like, “it makes your dad and i very sad that you don’t believe in god” and “you’re depressed like this because you don’t talk to god.” when i tell her that choosing not to go to church anymore is one of the few choices in my life that i don’t regret, she gets upset with me. sorry, going to go on a little bit of a rant about family and religion here (specifically catholic/christian), but i’ll stick it below the cut.

usually this convo comes up when my cousin is mentioned, because my mom and my aunt will gush about how my cousin goes to church every sunday. this happened today actually. they ignore the fact that my cousin is still a horribly spoiled, selfish, honestly terrible person who yells at/doesn’t bother to help her physically disabled, sickly mom. my “wonderful church-going” cousin who left to go on a vacation to hawaii with my shit uncle, leaving my aunt alone at home even though she had covid AND had recently broken her back. which led to me having to take 2 weeks off of work at the last minute to go stay with my aunt and take care of her. during those 2 weeks, my “wonderful” 20-something-year-old cousin would repeatedly call my aunt to cry and complain that she wanted to come home because she “didn’t feel good.” and my aunt, laying in bed with her broken back and various other health issues, would baby her. oh, but my cousin goes to church, so that means she’s such a good person! i just don’t get it.

one of the reasons i refuse to go to church anymore is because of this backwards-ass hypocritical way of thinking so many people there seem to have. there’s just this feeling of insincerity to it all where people show up once a week to pat themselves on the back for being “good people”, then gather in the lobby after mass to gossip about the one trans woman who recently joined the congregation (unfortunately this isn’t an example i made up). or later go to the supermarket and yell at an underpaid employee. or go on a hawaii vacation and leave your mom home alone with a broken back.

i attended church from age 1 to age 18. as i grew older, church started to feel more and more suffocating. it got to the point where i was having anxiety attacks during mass. i tried distracting myself with drawing on the pamphlets given out at the front door. and when i was banned from that, i resorted to drawing on my skin, which didn’t last long. i ended up sneaking earbuds in and hiding the wires under my hair and clothes so i could drown out the sounds of church with music. i would just stare at the floor and try to just focusing on breathing, but it was just all too suffocating. i was told that the reason i was feeling and acting this way in church was because “the devil was talking to me.” “the devil” was trying to take me away from church and god, so i needed to stop feeling like this and just pray. that time i started crying in the pew because it all became too much and i felt incredibly overwhelmed? that’s the devil. pray about it. uh, actually, mr. jesus, it was because i have bad social and generalized fuckin anxiety. and also very likely autistic but i haven’t been officially diagnosed until this day. so yeah.

thinking back on it now, it was kind of fucked up. but i don’t blame my parents for how they acted. sometimes i feel a little angry and disappointed about how they handled things, but i don’t blame them. because as i watched kids be baptized, i would hear the priest tell the parents that it was their responsibility to raise their kid to be a good god-fearing person. that it was their responsibility to keep their kid from “straying from the light” and avoiding damnation. i know my parents were told the same thing when i was baptized. that it’ll be their fault if i “stray from the light” and end up getting sent to hell. i just see it as guilt-tripping bullshit. it was my choice to not go to church or follow the religion. i hate that this system has told my parents they should feel guilty about this and that it’s their fault that my soul won’t be saved, because they didn’t “guide me in the lord’s way” good enough. i hate that this system has made me feel like i’ve failed my parents. it’s bullshit.

i’m sure there are churches out there who contain genuinely good, accepting folk. and i’m sure there are people who find comfort in having a religion. i’m glad for them. i’ve just personally have some negative experiences with religion and I’ve learned that it’s just not for me.

i try my best to be a good and kind person. i try really, really hard. i just don’t go to church anymore. the fact that i don’t do this one thing shouldn’t devalue all my efforts.

[andromedastarrs]

Miguel O'Hara - Random Headcanons, All SFW! :)

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Y'all enjoyed the other post a lot so here-- have some more of my brain rot! All of these are just fun things lol, interactions and quirks!

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If he spots you and notices that you have bad posture, he'll point it out and tell you to straighten up. Even if others are around. "Unless you wanna live with back pain till the rest of your life..."

Clean cursive would probably be his preferred font to write in. When he prints his letters it's a total mess.

Definitely does not tolerate people who chew with their mouth open. He will glare at you, grab his plate, and move away.

Takes freezing cold showers. Headcanon because every health nut/gym person that I've met says it's the best for muscle recovery.

Doesn't like to watch TV in his free time, he's in front of screens all day. He spends it instead reading books, cleaning up his living area, putting on music and resting on his couch to let his mind relax.

Loud dad sneezes. Doesn't apologize for it.

Likes his coffee black. On his rest days though, he will add a little milk in there to treat himself.

Will order the biggest burger off the menu and successfully chomp at it with no issue. A part of me also thinks it would be in character for him to order a small meal and eat very... Well, he'd eat like a princess. LMFAO.

Is not religious but very respectful of every religion. I think if he were to have a spiritual S/O and they practiced a religion he didn't know much about he'd wanna learn about it by asking them questions.

I am TIRED of the racist Miguel allegations. I am a firm believer that because he is half Irish and half Mexican, if he were to be present in front of a racist, he wouldn't tolerate it. Also headcanon that he's not the arguing type. He'll just throw them out a window (exaggerating).

He loves cats and dogs, very gentle with both. Knows how to treat both correctly too. Doesn't own any pets though, he's scared of losing it one day.

Silently cries. Even when alone he's very quiet. His eyes get very red and so does his face, very quickly. No puffy eyes tho!

No time for skincare, but he's into biotech... Probably assuming too much, but if he could then why wouldn't he; he probably concocted some sort of "one in all" skin product.

On that note his hygiene is on point! He'd probably be so upset if he ever stunk.

Definitely dyes his hair. I do not believe that he doesn't have a single grey strand up there. If his S/O once said they liked the grey hairs, he'd probably chuckle... And then keep dying it anyways.

I think he'd choose to wear shorts over pants when given the chance to... Even jorts. It's ok, he looks good wearing them!

I think he'd like silver jewelry even though gold looks better on him. (He can pull off both *lip bite*.)

Doesn't like designer logos printed everywhere over his accessories/clothing.

Am i the only one that thinks he works out via Pilates AND weight training? Gotta stay flexible and stretched!

Likes to meditate, almost never has time to do so.

Sleep talker!

Very self aware of his size; hates accidentally coming into contact with other people.

Caught up with modern lingo in most places, doesn't participate in conversations surrounding it. "Have you heard what lingo the kids are using? It's absolutely bonkers--" "Yeah."

Try to talk to him in a silly language (think of that skibidi toilet shit), he'll respond instantly. Don't get the wrong idea, he won't be amused by your antics.

If he doesn't show interest in you then he's not interested in you. I'm a big believer that if you were crushing on him, you'd have to wait for HIM to show interest. Otherwise all your flirting will be rendered useless.

[katieaki]

My ✨ post-apocalyptic Lesbian Cowgirl Mailman choose-your-own adventure✨ has just updated! Read it here for free on my Patreon and vote in the poll! There is a summary of the first part, here, and the second part, here. They have everything you need to know about Lou, her requited-but-complicated love, the religious assassin who just beat the tar out of her, the worst person she's ever met, and the ill-advised journey she is on! There is also now a discord where Pony Express readers from all across god's green internet can gather, here!

Happy trails, pard! Don't leave us with a bit of devastating and upsetting information before we take off on our journey through the unknown wilderness together!

Read it for free on my patreon! (Long) Excerpt below the cut.

“So, what, mommy issues? Daddy issues?” Artie asked as she lifted Lou’s hair up to tie the new sling for her.

“Excuse me?” Lou said. She craned her neck to look up at her, but the pain in her shoulder made her look back down at the ground.

“Sorry— just, what you said to Holliday yesterday,” Artie said. She tied a knot and smoothed Lou’s collar over it. “About parents.”

Lou rubbed her face with her good hand. “Oh, yeah. I didn’t mean to loop both of y’all into that,” she said. “It’s not real polite to assume people’s family situations.”

Skylark looked up from where she was consolidating two half-used jars of flour. There was a spray of white powder across her cheek. “Oh, no, you’re right. No mother but the Listening Lady, no father but Their Honor,” she said. “I was taken into a church orphanage and basically never left.”

“A dyed in the wool church girl,” Artie said with deep affection. She wiped the flour from Skylark’s face with a handkerchief and crouched down to start packing up her sewing kit. “I killed my mom.”

She was so casual about it that it took Lou a second to catch up. She looked up to meet Skylark’s eye. There was just a half second too much silence and Artie looked questioningly up at them.

“I’m so sorry, cousin,” Skylark said. “That must have been a difficult situation.”

Artie shrugged as she rolled the excess thread around a scrap of cardboard. “Nah. It’s fine. I got new parents. And my new dad killed my old dad,” she said.

There was another long silence. Lou wished she had two good hands so she could more easily occupy herself out of discomfort. 

“No— sorry, it’s a good thing. She’s knife church, too. My dad. My new dad. It’s a saga. I’m not trying to get into it,” Artie said. “All I was trying to say was… um. Same.” She gestured between her and Lou.

“Oh, no, it wasn’t like that, at all,” Lou said. She shouldn’t have even brought it up yesterday. Lots of people had actually bad childhoods. Hers was fine. Normal, even, when you think about it. It was embarrassing that it had been on her mind so much lately. She’d gone so long hardly thinking about it at all. “I just had a basic, average bad childhood. Less attention than I wanted, less food than we needed, that kind of thing. You know. I never had to stab my mom or anything.”

“No, I didn’t stab her,” Artie said. “I used my teeth.”

Lou’s mouth went dry. Artie had almost bitten her face when they were fighting that first night. She could have easily ripped Lou’s throat out when she had her pinned down to the ground. Lou wasn’t sure why that was so much more disturbing than when she only thought she was in real danger of being killed by a knife. It didn’t change how dead you were. A chill ran down Lou’s neck where Artie had just touched her to fix her sling. She had been right to be afraid of those teeth. 

“Artie,” Skylark said. She looked at Artie with a silent plea for her to stop talking that was so clear, even Lou could read it. Artie did not seem to register it for what it meant.

“Well, I didn’t have a knife! I was only like, seven years old!” she said.

[imjussaiyan]

Anyone else have a sibling that HAS to have ALL the attention and is entitled as fuck?

My sister is so fucking entitled it makes me sick. And she’s fake on top of it all.

So I know accidents happen and it only takes one time to get pregnant. And I know you’re wondering why this is an issue and you’re probably thinking I’m an asshole.

Well, we live on the family farm with our parents because this country is a hellscape. She was going through trade school, which fine I get them supporting her through that. However, her boyfriend lives here too (that’s partially my parents stupid mistake) and neither of them have a job or source of income.

Like. At all.

My parents FULLY support them financially and otherwise. And they had the fucking nerve to get pregnant and KEEP it..? On someone else’s dime? In a home that there is literally no room for a good damn baby? With a broke ass, dead beat ass fiancé..? Because of course they’re engaged. Idk how they’re going to get married or with what money. She wants to do that before she has the baby. L O FUCKING L.

Oh, but there’s more. Not only did my parents and I pay for her trade school, she slacked off and took too many “personal days” because she was upset about social things at school. Which created MORE fees adding up to 2300 dollars. Which I paid so she could graduate. Bitch. You are almost 22. Shut the fuck up.

ON TOP of that, I found a nice little manufactured home for a low price and showed her because it was cute. Not that I can afford it, but it’s fun to window shop and the bitch says, “I should have mom and dad help me with that.”

Our parents cannot afford to do that. And I told her so. She then gets all sad and butthurt. Like, excuse me? We literally grew up poor as dirt and she thinks our parents are just going to buy her everything? I know they spoiled the fuck out of her and that’s partially why she’s such a selfish brat, but honestly, it’s her personality.

But wait. THERE’S MORE.

Not only is she pregnant on our parents dime, she signed up for state insurance incorrectly and was just going to give up even after our other sister told her exactly how to do it and offered help. Her response? “Oh, mom and dad will pay for it.”

WITH WHAT MONEY, BITCH?!

She does next to fucking nothing around the house and is overly fucking sensitive about anything and everything. She’s also a little bitch ass know it all and she literally has no fucking clue about how anything in this world works, including her own body. Yes. She doesn’t even know how her vagina works and she decides to have a god damn baby that no one can afford.

And now I’m the asshole because I’m NOT excited. Nor do I have to be. She lied about “the condom didn’t fit right.” Then why did you do it? Especially when she KNEW she was ovulating..?

She tried to have a kid with her last fiancé under the same exact circumstances, but aborted that one because she realized it was a bad idea. Mind you, I’m the only one who knows this. If my hyper religious parents found out, they’d go ballistic. Part of me wishes I hadn’t protected her from that. Anyway, she did this shit on purpose. I know when she’s lying and she can’t even keep her lame ass story straight.

I am so done with her rn.

**** UPDATE

He finally got a decent job. Even though he could’ve been working a meager in between one instead of relying on my family for everything for over a year… but whatever I guess. At least he’s got a job now.

[fishysaltine]

(Please read the whole post and maybe my thoughts will form into coherency)

Hopefully I don’t get flack for this and word this correctly:

But I love Wyll’s story, just not his character direction, if that makes sense? (I’m still setting up to romance him tho) he had SUCH good setup for being a really nuanced character among the cast that we have and I think that’s partly due to all of the content he got cut from his story

Can you imagine how much people would crawl over Wyll if he was mother gothel’d? If he totally leaned into Mizora after ten years of isolation? ESPECIALLY AFTER BEING SCORNED BY HIS FATHER?? Bro was 17(?) and impressionable as fuck after a traumatic experience

Also I understand Wyll’s like “my dad had every right to exile me! Mizora covered her tracks!” But you can understand why someone hurt you and be pissed off and doesn’t mean that you have no right to be upset. I’D be upset if my parent left me (a literal child in this situation) in charge of protecting a whole city, then shunned me after I made the only decision that would make sure I could fulfill my city and make them proud! Wyll’s dad literally turned his back on his own son just like that, little to no questions asked, and Wyll has no?? Resentment? AT ALL?? HUH

(Imagine, pray tell, Mizora telling a young, impressionable Wyll that his father must have never truly loved him if he was willing to get rid of him so easily? Wyll hoping that his father would one day forgive him only to lose hope and return to Mizora once more??? You’re telling me that wouldn’t make the lads and ladies swoon?! Especially after learning that Wyll was a total daddy’s boy??)

And the TAV/PC had to go through the slow burn of proving to Wyll that she’s the bitch she is and is only using him? Or push him further into his mindset that Mizora cares for him, even if she hurts him? And Mizora slowly growing more and more desperate to keep her claws in him if you start pulling him away? Until the final thing she does in act 3- it would be so much more powerful and less than a “GOTCHA!”

You don’t even have to make Wyll neutral or evil! He just thinks Mizora has his best interests at heart (when she obvi doesn’t to anyone but him, as if the case with abusive relationships) The first crack would obviously be Karlach, since even Wyll states that Mizora never sent him to hunt tiefling’s, and he literally would’ve killed Karlach if TAV/PC wasn’t there (or the tadpoles) and it would’ve been so heart breaking and interesting for him to be the goodest boy with such a bad person as his “bestie”, all because of the manipulation and abuse she puts him through to keep his expectations and even self esteem low, pushed further by turning him into a DEMON.

(Judging by his dialogue I genuinely wonder if Larian intended for Wyll to have an arc like this, because it would fit a lot better into the general theme of breaking abuse cycles that the game pushes so hard. Especially from the interaction you can have with him at the tiefling party when he *ahem* ISOLATES HIMSELF FROM OTHERS)

A change in how he reacts to his trauma and abuse would’ve set him more apart too, since pretty much everyone except for Shart and Lae’zel aren’t particularly big fans of their abusers (except Gale, but I wouldn’t say he totally embraced Mystra at the time we meet, and if you romance him he throws her to wall p fast). And his abuser isn’t religious at all, it’s more personal since Mizora is literally right in his ear, it’s much more personal ig?

It also would’ve really pushed his thematic parallel to Karlach who H A T ES the devil who forced her into servitude. Can u imagine if she met Wyll, and he’s like “yeah Mizora’s the ONLY ONE looking out for me! ☝️She helps me protect the sword coast! She’s my HOMIE!” She would be so angry and sad for him, because his desperation for connection drove him to connect with a BITCH of a devil

Mizora is just the cookie-cutter narcissist abuser, she isolates her victim and makes (Wyll) rely on only her. It’s honestly more confusing that Wyll isn’t more with her, that he rejects her so vehemently after a decade with essentially only her at his side. I legit don’t understand why Wyll and Mizora weren’t dialed up to 10+ like all the other companions and their abusers are

Anyway these are my sad, slightly disappointed thoughts on Wyll, I just wish he had a lot more content in general but also his own personal journey throughout the game, but maybe it will change when I romance him

[winter-tospring]

first impressions from last night, for my records lol written as i went. warning, it's not great tortured poets department: wtf is with all that synth it sounds so bad so high so not on theme wtf is this her voice doesnt sound like it's trying at all it's strolling and so boring; she's just giving us nothing

my boy: this is like if out of the woods production was less good and also didn't fit the theme and lyrics and it just is bAD so bad, like why, it's like a bad imitation that doesn't make sense!!!!!! the drum and synth was nice once and then i'm sorry you actually have to make it coherent not just re-use the same things and patch them together because you have no new fucking ideas !!~!!!!!!!

down bad- she will say she's an alcoholic and she learned how to say fuck so she overuses it like a teenager now, great. matty breaking up with her?? sounds like he did but feels like lies tbh

so long, london- wow finally getting to hear about joe. better match between lyrics and music. better gradation, better buildup, some pretty good lyrics, overall, decent

but daddy i love him- something i would actually support and be hyping if she had come out as bi, or gay, or had stuck with matty, had defended any part about him, had continued dating him longer than she did, had actually dissassociated from her dad, had actually done sonmething rebellious truly. but she reverted back to a fucking footballer her dad picked for her so how fucking bold to release this now when all this energy is gone. the nerve. she should've kept this to herself or release it last summer it's actually UPSETTING that she would release this now when she is in such a picture perfect daddy approved relationship.

fresh out the slammer- uh….okay…undewhelming "taylor, please. do a drug. any drug. and report back. 😞😩"

florida!!!- definitly the best!! florence has the best moments of the album. actually intersting vocals, attitude, style, bocal beauty, and interesting music overall. just want her to sing only, feels like taylor is impeding on florence and i want florence to come back everytime she stops singing. florence actually adds flavor to this, whereas taylor is just...flat and uninteresting??? yikes

guilty as sin?- actually like it!! guitar and drum yes baby. though oh pooor little baby you desire someone else. you are now linking yourself to jesus, you're so guilty but you havent done anything. okay okay but the sound is actually good and i would listen again. the grandiose religious comparisons are a plenty on this album man

i can fix him- taylor you are not grimes. you were not married to elon musk. stop religion, stop it. my god how embarassing this one should not have been public. actually burst out laughing at that last heavy "can't"

loml- thank you for actually telling us something. that was the easiest to get through without interrupting. joe song. good words, good simple ballad.

i can do this with a broken heart- this is funny genuinely, funny, i would hype that, wow

the smallest man who ever lived- the karlie song? want to look more into the lyrics.

the alchemy- ew ew ewterrible badddddddddddd you can't write a good song about football, please stop trying. this is so bad i'm actually so mad please delete this clara bow- so disapointed! i expected more from this one, but it's another ''the lucky one'' or "last american dynasty" etc...nothing new, so it doesn' really compel attention... i listened to who's afraid of little old me last:

who's afraid of little old me?- oh god girl. make this make sense. this is embarrassing, why dont you tell us why you were raised in an asylum and what they did and that instead of throwing oh boohoo me i have it so bad.

this is just her style now, i guess. :|

[turtlecleric]

assumption - others have said in need of a hug (yes true) but also,

may not have been praised in the way that you deserved growing up and instead others tried to dim your light because they were envious or wanted to see you fail (->im here to tell you they suck ass. you're everything and more; skilled; determined; worthy; and i love you so so much and i am so so proud of you)

Did you know that I would die for you? Did you know that I love you so goddamn much? Did you?

This is way too much personal info that no one actually cares to know, probably, but. I'm sort of avoiding work on purpose at the moment and I'm having a really rough day. Who needs therapy when you have asks on Tumblr to rant in? (I'm joking, to be clear. Actual therapy is so valuable and important if you manage to find a competent professional who clicks well with you. The only reason I stopped going is because of Covid, time, and money.)

Warning: VERY long vent ahead, please do not feel obligated to read or respond

My dad was really good about praising me in ways that felt genuine, actually, though that made the times he /was/ upset with me all that much worse. My dad isn't perfect, and he's done some things and said some things that I'll never forgive, that I'll never be able to forget, but I would also do anything for him. I know he's there for me when I need it, I know he'll answer when I call, I know that he actually cares about me. He and maybe like two cousins are the only family I would never be able to cut off.

My mom... I guess it was just sort of the baseline bare minimum expectation that I would do things well, so when I /was/ praised it was just like... oh, good job sweetie! Proud of you! But it didn't feel... I don't know how to describe why but... I don't know. Now, when people tell me I do things well I always have that voice in my head that's like "they're just being nice, they don't actually think it's all that great, they expected you to do a much better job than this, actually, why did you even bother sharing? Why did you think this was something to be proud of?" I read way too far into things, interpreting neutral reactions, or even positive reactions that aren't as enthusiastic as I might have hoped for, as proof that people are simply being nice and don't really like what I do or make or say all that much. I always get stuck in this mindset that I'm not allowed to create mediocre content, like it all has to be Excellent or else it's Terrible.

I also remember in high school, posting some drawings on Facebook that I was really proud of. Two drawings, one with hands in chains and cut up and the other with healed hands glowing with holy light and cradling a cross. It was supposed to show the difference between life without God and life with God (I was... VERY religious as a teenager. I am now agnostic.), but she saw the first picture and freaked out, super pissed, yelling at me to take it down, to not embarrass her like that, because people were going to see that and think I was abused or depressed or something (haha... me? Depressed? Nahhhhh). And that was the moment when I knew I could never ever ever share anything even remotely dark with her, that if I ever were to express something that indicated I was anything other than good and happy and perfect then she would react similarly. She's also very judgemental regarding mental health, often made comments about how "people who are/do x are sick, there's just something wrong with them, make sure you stay away from people like that" while I'm sitting on the couch like... oof. That's me. So all my venting went to Tumblr where she couldn't see, and even now I mostly only vent on Tumblr and through writing. I have many wonderful friends that would gladly allow me to vent to them (I love you all so much I love you I love you I love you, thank you for being so kind), but I simply Cannot. I've had a friend before where it felt like all they did was complain, they were always so goddamn negative, and it became a chore to talk to them. I started to get angry every time they said or did something defeatist, I stopped enjoying talking or hanging out with them, and I refuse to be that person. Even if I'm told over and over that I don't come across that way, I'm so terrified of it that when I think about reaching out I start to think of that friend and about how I shouldn't bother people and I panic. Unless I've gotten to the point where I truly believe that nothing I do or say will ruin the friendship, then it's really hard to push through that fear. But that's so much harder than it used to be because I /did/ lose a friend that I thought I would have literally for the rest of my life, I was so 100% confident that we would be 80 years old still hanging out with each other and goofing around, so sure we could go through anything together and stay friends, I knew in my heart and soul that we would be friends until we died, and I was wrong. I was wrong. I also had a different friend who was always there for me, always praised me, always listened to me when I needed it and told me kind things and made sure I felt welcome and loved and viewed positively, and then he fucking assaulted me one night when he thought I was asleep.

Anyway. When I /did/ fail at things growing up, it was either punished more severely than necessary or straight up laughed at. Mom was very hot and cold, too, you could never tell what kind of mood she was going to be in that day. (She is still like this. It's well known in my family that you never know which version of her you're going to get.) Things are fine one moment and then suddenly I'm in trouble for something I didn't even realize I did wrong (like with the drawings), so I'm just. Terrified of not doing well enough at things, of disappointing people, of people being annoyed with me or upset with me over something I didn't even realize was rude or mean or wrong to begin with.

"Don't overstay your welcome; don't bother people" was pounded into my head. I can't express how often I start to say or type something and then think, "No one cares. Stop bothering people. You're being too much, you're being annoying, they're tired of you, just keep it to yourself." I'm working on it but. Yeah. Half the time I still just stop talking or backspace and stay quiet. Even typing this, I'm like... you should delete this. You're basically just begging for attention, and if anyone says anything about this to you then it'll only be because they felt obligated to and they're going to start seeing you as a whiny, pathetic, manipulative person, and they're going to get tired of you and roll their eyes every time you say anything, even if it's not you venting, or they'll see this and think about how stupid or weird it is for you to put this information out on the internet, and even this sentence right here is proof that they'd be right because you're aware of all these thoughts and you're still doing it.

But then another part of me thinks that if I can't even vent on my own blog on a post that literally no one is required to read that is also hidden under a readmore and clearly states that it's a vent post, then where /can/ I vent? And if someone else posted this, would I be this harsh on them? And what's so wrong with seeking attention and comfort? Why is that unforgivable in yourself but admirable in others? Why are you crying at work? Why aren't you doing your job? Why aren't you better? Why aren't you better?

[consolecadet]

I'm feeling slightly less seething Christmas hatred than usual this year. I've reached a point where, though I still strongly dislike a lot of things about Christmas, I can separate out the different bits and not let the ones I hate make me cranky about the ones I like.

Like. . .I despise Christmas music, "ugly sweaters", the Salvation Army, jingly little bells, eggnog, candy canes, big hunks of ham, Christmas media, the crushing expectation that you must put on the cheerful rictus of The Christmas Spirit, elves (Santa can stay but only if he's gay), most Christian conceptions of religious entities, people's assumptions that you have a pleasant and uncomplicated relationship with your family of origin, the planet-burning American culture of consumption, proselytization, those new LED string lights that make your front lawn look like a gamer lair, etc, etc, etc.

But I do like peppermint bark, the smell of balsam fir, cheese plates, a short visit to my parents' nice house where trans people outnumber cis people 2:1 and I can always get into my car and drive away, knowing my sister will cherish any lesbian-themed objects I give her, incandescent string lights, neatly wrapping presents with nice paper and double-sided tape, and I guess Die Hard.

My local Buy Nothing group means I no longer have nearly as much of a guilt spiral about receiving gifts I dislike. I believe I've finally gotten my father to stop giving me novelty socks and awful plasticky novelty band-aids. (Actually, maybe I'm giving myself too much credit. I just realized the store where he bought his most irritating gifts closed permanently in 2020.) I also just don't take it as personally when people give me something that betrays a major misapprehension of who I am. It's not like I make it easy for people to know me, especially my parents.

I think part of what's making this time of year less psychologically harrowing is that 1) I got to do Christmas and Hanukkah with KC and without my parents last year, and thus reject within our apartment everything I hated while keeping the menorah and peppermint bark and 2) I spent some time this year trying to practice Judaism in ways my dad was not interested in sharing with me when I was growing up, and figured out what I did/didn't like or value about certain aspects of Jewish religious practice.

It seems very obvious that if I can give up on learning Hebrew because it's upsetting and difficult for me and have a seder with gluten-free matzo that doesn't halachically qualify as Real Matzo, I can absolutely also banish the concept of Christ and all renditions of Silent Night from my home while enjoying smelling a tree in there.

It's extremely common to be a child of an agnostic interfaith couple who did not give you a connection to any kind of faith community and left you with lots of baggage about it. I don't have to wait to fix my feelings about that before I can participate in any holiday or religious practice, and probably HAVE to try participating with a modicum of vulnerability if I want to change anything. Also none of these things materially affect Israel's genocidal behavior unless I, like, buy my parents SodaStream canisters for Christmas.

It probably also helps that I left the job where my boss expected extreme enthusiasm at all times and took any doubt or questions as personal affronts. I read The Promise of Happiness and no longer feel like affect alienation is a personal failing on my part. I feel far less bitter, resentful, and hateful about Christmas if I don't let people pressure me to be (or perform being) sweet, cheerful, and loving about it.

Fuck the Elf on the Shelf though. That's just weird.

[cartrunkent]

Favorite Musical #10: Shrek

Shrek- If you asked my friends and the people closest to me, they would say Shrek had to be my number one. ...but it's just a solid show. Yes, I love it. Yes, it checks my boxes it's about being yourself and it's based on a book. It's also got some great music and wonderful characters.

My past with this one is...You have to understand, I do not like the Shrek movie because it's a "buddy movie." Shrek 2 is my jam because it's an ensemble piece (Same with Toy Story and Toy Story 2.) My parents joined me on a trip to NYC with one of the companies I was working for at the time. We split for a lot of the three days we were there, but we went to see Shrek together. Dad loved Shrek and it was in mom's wheelhouse. It was the perfect choice. (Mom was a little more religious and liked things more family friendly...though, turns out she liked the recording for Book of Mormon...but that's for a different time.)...

...Anyway, we went to see Shrek and my parents loved it. I did too. We all went in blind. No one knew the music or the show before we saw it. It was completely unknown outside of the source material and it was a blast. This was a great adaptation.

The ending of the first act, "Who I'd Be" ranks up there with Les Miserables for me as one of the best first act closers.

Photo Below: From the Broadway Production.

It really wasn't on my list to do anything with because it was too big a show for me to tackle. When an opportunity arose, I was poked by enough people that I agreed to direct it and was given the chance. It took a little magic to shift it into something that really worked for me and we did it, adjusting the concept to being that the show took place during story time at a library... and it all just creatively sprouted from there.

My cast was brilliant and a good core group of us grew a bond that is envied in my community. My "Shrek Kids" and I still have a group chat that has been active for the better part of 6 years (honestly this week is the 6th year anniversary of the opening of our run.) I love those guys and I love what we did. Our "Who I'd Be" was spectacular and I'd put it up against the Broadway cast. Truth.

Photo Below: From the Broadway Production.

I've seen Shrek at one high school. My high school is considering it in the next few years. ...Tragically, I saw the "New" tour in 2024 and it was anger inducing.

I get that they wanted to go back and re-evaluate some of the jokes particularly in regard to the Big Bad Wolf and some of the "transvestite" references... BUT They went too far in absolutely shredding the character of Farquaad. The direction of the production was a disaster and just not creatively sound. In the venue I saw it, the sound was actively bad and so loud I had to cover my ears at many points. I don't have issues with tours, I actually like them and think they are on par with Broadway shows more often than not. ...but this tour was crap. I learned it's a non-equity tour and the cast is upset about it and what they're doing but they're stuck. I feel bad for them, because it looks bad, sounds bad, is bad....and I encourage everyone to pass on it. (The tickets for me were more expensive than seeing Titanic or Water for Elephants or Moulin Rouge or Book of Mormon... all on Broadway.)

Photo Below: From the West End Production.

Anyway, end on a happy note: I do love Shrek: The Musical. It's an important show in my life. My relationship with it isn't over and the friendships I've gained because of it are a miracle for me. It's also the last Broadway show I saw with my mom (the only one I've seen with my Dad,) So Shrek holds an important place in my heart. But...it's still 10.

My favorite song is More to the Story...which was cut but is on the original recording as a bonus track.

Favorite #10: Shrek

Favorite #9: Passing Strange

Favorite #8: Finding Neverland

Favorite #7: Titanic

Favorite #6: Seussical: The Musical

Favorite #5: Man of La Mancha

Favorite #4: Jekyll and Hyde

Favorite #3: Jane Eyre

Favorite #2: A Gentlemen's Guide to Love and Murder

Favorite #1: Assassins