#and my butt was at cow height | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

solmints-messyocdiary · 1 year ago

Text

"Alice"

There is nothing to say here.

Name: "Alice" Doe

Age: Late 20s. Older than she appears.

Pronouns: She/They/It

Gender: Super cute, amazing, talented bishoujo

Sexuality: Weeb (translation: she doesn't get laid)

Alignment: chaotic neutral

Birthday: February 7

Sign: Aquarius

Birthplace: [ç̸̯̜͕̱̗̾͌̌̇̇̔͗̉̎̚͘e̸̺̖͊͊͆̄̕͝ṅ̴̯̩̪͈̊͂͊̃͂̔͊́́̒́͜s̶̼͕͇̟̯̹̩͈̜̯͗͑͂̍̉̾͘͠ơ̴̡̯̦͎̹̍̈́̽̆̐̓̾̎̕̚͝r̸̝͇̗͔͙̱̲̀͐̉̌̐̈́͐͌̈́͜e̶̢̝̰͖̮̪̿͑̓̊́̍͆̒̈̑͆d̵̢̜͖̺̼̦̟̏̂́͘]

Job: Crime scene cleaner

Personality:

Haha... she wants to be liked but left alone at the same time. She finds her personality absolutely unbearable, so she'll try to mold herself in any way you need her to be. She can try and play the part. She tries to act as this wild, lovable, and energetic gal that everyone loves. A manic dream pixie girl to be exact.

However... she is an anxiety-riddled nerd who is hyperactive and can't stay still. "Alice" always tries to crack jokes, sometimes at the most bad timings, to ease down the tension. She hates herself and tends to become extremely depressed when her mood gets bad enough and her social battery is drained. She can also be quite negative, judgemental and cruel in her head.

Being perceived is both terrifying and important for her.

Height: 1.64 cm (5'4/5'5" feet)

Weight: It's a se-cret~ 48 kg (106 pounds)

Physical Description: A petite woman with blond-dyed hair and blue tips, her roots can be seen and are a dark brown. Greyish blue eyes with an unnerving stare and nervous smile. She has a pear-shaped body, thick thighs, and a nice butt. Her body is always littered with bandaids or bandages due to her clumsiness or how often she gets into fights. She has a scar on her mouth... she'd rather not say how she got it.

Hobbies: surfing the web, watching 4 hours videos on niche/obscure topics, sketching, reading manga, watching anime, playing eroge/horror games, staring into the void

Favorite stories: Bibliomania, Emanon, No Longer Human, Lady K and the Sick Man, Devilman, 1984

Favorite movies: Perfect Blue, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Angel's Egg, Jennifer's Body, Girl Interrupted, American Psycho, Spirited Away, Paprika, Akira

Favorite series: Serial Experiments Lain, Ergo Proxy, Neon Genesis Evangelion, My Dress-up Darling, Gangsta, Zombieland Saga, Magical Girl Site, Sailor Moon, Black Rock Shooter, Ghost in the Shell, Saint Seiya, Elfen Lied

Favorite Videogames: Mario 64, You and Me and Her: A Lovestory (Kimi to Kanojo to Kanojo no Koi), Huniepop, Silent Hill, THE iDOLMaster, Yume Nikki, Needy Streamer Overdose, Jisatsu no Tame no 101 no Houhou, Slow Damage, Subarashiki Hibi

Music Taste: J-pop, J-rock, electronica, eurobeat, vaporwave

Loves: solitude

Likes: junk food, Kuromi, physical media, boba tea, manga, Cogimyun, her waifus and husbandos, Dating Sim games, Super Sonico, bootleg figures, horror, deep-dives, horror indie RPGs, cows

Dislikes: boring people, people making fun of her, feeling sad... feel... ing... am I... A̷̳͗m̴̒ͅ ̸͈̐Ĩ̸̠ ̴͚̾r̶͇̔ȇ̴̘ã̴̪l̸̡̆?̸̗͝ ̷̩̈I̴̫̽ ̶̫̊a̸̰͊m̷̯̿ ̸͈͐s̵̭̈́c̴̱̈́a̴̕͜r̷̡̃e̶̦͌d̶̪̽.̷͇͝ ̷̙̒I̵̟͝t̶͍̋ ̶͎͑k̵͉̾e̷̢̿ȩ̴͑p̶̮̚s̵͉͐ ̶̦̕g̷̞̎e̶͊ͅt̶̝̂t̸̘̓ỉ̶͜n̵͉̿g̶̣͗ ̶̳̀ẃ̸̯o̵̜͋r̶̭̈́ṣ̴̄e̷̲͒.̸̯̑ ̸͈͘P̴̼̆l̶̠̈́e̷̖̒a̴̦̒s̸̭̏e̵̠͠.̸͙̀.̸̹̋.̸͇̆ ̶̝̈́p̵̟͝Ĺ̸̼E̴̼̋A̶͖̋S̷̗̈E̶̲͂ ̴̞̈́H̵̫̚Ẻ̶͈L̶̨̕P̶̪̽ ̶̟̍M̵̟͊E̸̛͔.̶̯́

Hates: solitude, herself ḥ̸̡̹̘̭̣̣̬̤͑͗͑͛̒́͗̈́͘̚ĕ̶̞̭̫̑̽̾͌̃̂̒̕̚r̵̛̲̖̙̭̜͙̳̙͚̿̾͌̓̓̀̅ş̵̛͇̜̩̲͓̪̋̌͊̈̉̄̐ȩ̷̡̠͍̥͔̞̼̣̈́ͅļ̶̛͕̱̃̉̎̈́̎͆́͝f̵̡̭̼̦̺̑̀̂̑͘̚͘̚ ̷͖̮̠͂̂͒͌̀͜͝ḧ̵̡̨̜͚͇̟͎͉͇̳̓̂̓̽̀̒ė̷͈̲͕̈́͌͗̍̎̊̕͝r̸̼͚͈̮̓̆̍̇̿́̅ş̷̫̘̰̄��͖͖ę̸̠̤̼̪̓̒̆̈́͘̚͝l̸̨̧͖̼̰͈̅͆̀̆̃̔̐ͅf̶̙́͒̂͋̂̇̏ ̷̡̘̘͓̖̉͜h̴͓̹͓̭̤̳͚͛͜͠ͅê̵̤͓̖̘̬̭̫͓̒̓͗̈́̕ͅr̵̪͔̝͍͕͖̹̥̹̳̆̐̋͑͒͝͝s̴̫̗͙̈́ͅê̵̡̨̤̩͜l̴̥̈̽̐̾͒͗f̸̳̾̆̐̃͒

Extra

Right-handed

"Professional" tummy ache haver

She suffers from anxiety, making her not go out at all to prevent having to interact with others

She's a social smoker but doesn't like to drink alcohol in public

She likes to burn CDs and give them to people she sees as friends. She's surprisingly good at finding songs you might like.

Women make her nervous because she is constantly comparing herself to them

Dissociates... hard. There are times when she can't determine what is real and what is fake

#character sheet #oc: 'alice'#my oc #my writing #character analysis

23 notes · View notes

booman86 · 3 months ago

Text

Riverside High: Shopping at the Mall

It started as a normal day Daryl and Tarry got up and eat breakfast with their mom Nancy got dressed for the day and started to go off to meet some friends of theirs

“Stay safe out there!” Nancy said as she waved them off “We will" the pair said with a smile the much smaller Tarry riding on Daryl’s shoulder as they walked off “This should be fun. It’s been too long since I got to have some time alone with my boo bear” Daryl said happily as she walked the people from below looked up at her being a giant like she was it had a habit of gathering more than its fair share of attention and her rather massive rear got its own fair share or “ya ya well I'll let you to love birds enjoy yourselves. I’ll be with Rose if you need me, it’s been a while since we got to hang out” he said with a smile as they soon made their way to the mall.

They go inside and made their way to the food court “Guess where a bit early wants to grab a quick bite to eat" Daryl said she sat by a giant-sized temple that was made for other giants like herself being a more modern addition with so many new giants like herself coming into their town the city had to make accommodations for them. “Ya I don’t see why not

It's not like you the one to skip out on an opportunity to add to that fat butt of yours” said Tarry jokingly as she jumped off her shoulder and took a seat next to her on the massive temple “Oh hahaha very funny small fry” she said jokingly as she used a finger to rub Tarry’s head a bit messing up his hair “Haha as if” he said with a smile as she fixed her hair and soon after they hear some very familiar voices

“Hehe hay their dearling!” A voice called out from behind leaving them to turn around to a girl and a bat coming over the bat came and flow over to Daryl landing on her nose before turning into a young man smiling back at Daryl “Hehe hi there deerling" he said with a smile as Daryl brought over her hand to him letting him rest on it “Hehe hi their boo bear “ Daryl said with a smile as she brought him closer and giving him a massive hug “Hehe hi their Daryl Hehe great to see you again “ he said with a smile as they started to cuddle a bit. As they did so the girl climbed up to Tarry and ran over to him giving him a massive bear hug “Hehe it’s great to see you to Rose” he said with a smile and kissed her on the head. “Well think I'll get a bit more down to your level" Daryl said with a smile before she pulled out a drink and took a sip, just then she started to shrink down more and more before she became only 8’5 feet tall a far cry from her massive height beforehand “Daryl there we go. Should be a bit easier to get around now" Daryl said jokingly as she sat next to Alucard just as some food, they ordered was ready.

“Ho sweet, we order a bit of lunch for everyone hope you guys don’t mi-” “Hay there man! “ a voice called out to the group” They turned to see another friend “ holy cow Q is that you!” Tarry said with a smile as he ran up to the person and they gave each other a handshake “ man it’s been ages where have you been?!" Tarry said with a smile “A man life just been nuts dealing with a fair bit here and there but hay it’s working out. Ho this must be your girl Rose, right?" he said as he came over “I heard more than a bit about ya." Q said happily “ho?~. Like what if I may ask?” Rose said with a smile as she eyed Tarry “N-no need to go into that r-really! * Tarry said with a smile as Daryl just chatted a bit with Tarry as she passed around her phone “ho no no I’m more than happy to tell her, “He said with a smug look “

“Ho her violate red hair so soooo outstanding and her pale skin like moonlight and emerald eyes, she looks almost like a goddess~” Q said in a joking impression of Tarry "s-shut up Q" Tarry said blushing a ton as he did so “Hehe will I’m glad you like my lovely eyes and all sweetie Hehe” Rose said with a smile as she held Tarry hand and smiled.

“She must be your sister Daryl!" Q said happily as he walked up to shake her hand with no replay? "Ha…hi?" Q said, raising an eyebrow with the other watching, finding it a bit weird “Daryl came on. Don’t be an ass” Tarry said as he shook her to get her attention “Oh so-sorry I was just texting Nijia” Daryl said before putting out a hand only to find it was the wrong one, so she offered it again starting to make people feel uncomfortable. “Hi Terry, why is Daryl acting funny toward Q?” said Rose. Terry couldn’t understand why his sister was acting funny toward Q. Suddenly it pops in Terry head. He didn't want to believe it, but could it be possible that his sister is racist. “Daryl! Don't tell me you're racist?” said Terry.

“WHAT! said Daryl in an angry voice. Alucard tried to calm Daryl down but she wasn't having it. “I’m not racist you asshole. I was too busy texting Nijia,” said Daryl in an angry voice. “S-sorry i guess that was just uncalled for. I’m sorry I don’t know where that came from “Tarry said looking down a bit embarrassed by his comment” I’m sorry Dary” he said as she turned back to Daryl “It’s cool just don’t say stuff like that ok, words can hart" she said sternly before turning back to the others “ok will be sorry about this mass. How about we go and mess around a bit what do you guy’s say “Daryl said with a smile “I love to, but I can’t. I have to visit some family for now, but I’d love to hang out with you guys again some time" Q said with a smile as she waved to the other’s as she walked off.

“I guess we can head off where do you want to go? I was hoping to go by the arcade myself “Daryl said with a smile

“I was kind of hoping to do a bit of shopping myself would that be ok with you guys?” Rose said as she held Tarry’s hand “Sould be fine sure thing. Want to meet back up here in an hour or so?" Alucard said with a smile as he held Daryl’s hand. “Works for me, I'll go with Rose knowing her she’ll need another pair of hands for her stuff" he said jokingly before Rose elbowed him in the chest and they all walked off. Soon after they slip up Tarry and Rose want to shop for some clothes. “Oh man, they have so many great picks!” Rose said happily as she grabbed items left and right, dresses shoes and whatever else she could get her hands on. “Do you need a hand with all that?” Terry said as she watched Rose start to carry a massive number of items around “That be great thanks, sweetie!” she said happily as she gave them all to him Tarry started to follow her around more and more adding to the pile “Y-you really have the budget for this all? “Terry said as he followed her around a bigger and bigger pile starting to form from the items Rose had given to him.

“Are you ok Terry?” Rose said as she walked around grabbing more items and adding them to the pile “B-been batter” he said struggling to carry them all only to fall from the weight grabbing them all “Ho my gosh you ok!?” Rose said worriedly helping him back up “Y-ya I’m ok sorry about all that “Tarry said blushing a bit as he got back up “I’m so sorry I should have been more mindful with giving you so much” Rose said embarrassed. “It’s all good it stuff happens” Terry said with a smile as they started to pick it all back up “how about we slip the load” Terry said with a smile “Ya sounds good to me” Rose said with a smile.

Meanwhile Daryl and Alucard I have a nice walk around the mall while the two love birds are holding each other's hand. Even though Daryl feels comfortable around Alucard she couldn't stop worrying about people staring at her. “What’s wrong Daryl?” asked Alucard. “It's just kind of weird that everybody is staring at me. I'm pretty tall, but it kind of feels weird,” said Daryl. While the two continue to walk around the mall they come across anime convention stories. Daryl's eyes got wider as she got excited. “Alucard looks! An anime store,” said Daryl as they ran inside. Daryl was so excited to see all her favorite anime and manga inside the store. “Wow the story is so beautiful” said Daryl while looking around. She a lot of anime action figures like Sailor Moon, Naruto, Dragon Ball Z, Bleach, One Piece, My Hero Academia and many more anime series. But it just wasn't anime we were also video games as well like Street Fighter, Final Fantasy, Devil May Cry, Persona and other games. “Is there a Dante action figure,” said Alucard, looking excited. “I didn't know you were a huge fan of Devil May Cry,” said Daryl. Alucard begins to blush a little. “I mean, I'm not a huge fan but I love the character,” said Alucard.

“Sure,” said Daryl. It wasn't too long before Daryl saw her favorite anime character. One of the employees is dressed as Sailor Moon as you work with the customer inside the store. “Welcome to broken to Anime-Star. Where you can find your favorite anime or video game,” The employee. Daryl walks up to the employee and asks if she can take the selfie. And the employee was happy to take a selfie. “Wow your outfit is beautiful,” said Daryl. “Thank you I bought it from that store,” said the employee.

“Really! Which aisle,” said Daryl. The employee points to aisle 3 as Daryl heads to the aisle. It wasn't too long until she found the Sailor Moon outfit; it wasn't quite her size, but she had a good idea. She heads to aisle 6 with all the action figures. From Sailor Moon, Dragon Ball Z, Naruto and many more anime. She sees three Sailor Moon action figures, Sailor Moon, Sailor Jupiter and Sailor Mercury. “Wow only three of these left,” said Daryl as she grabbed the three action figures. Meanwhile Alucard her car was shopping for some Dragon Ball Z action figures as well Dragon Ball Super manga. “Look like you're having fun,” said Daryl. “Wow Daryl you have a bag full,” said Alucard. “I sent over $150” said Daryl once they were done shopping they head over to the food court. Daryl has the appetite for pizza, so Alucard decided to treat her out for a pizza. Alucard bought two large supreme pizzas for him and Daryl as the two sat down to enjoy a nice meal. “You're just a lovely angel,” said Daryl as she rubbed Alucard's hair. Even though Alucard only had three slices of pizza he was amazed to see Daryl eat two lager pizza. “Wow I know Daryl had a huge appetite, but she ate half of the pizza,” said Alucard thinking to himself. Daryl looked at Alucard with a weird look on her face. “What!” asked Daryl. “Nothing, it's funny seeing you eating like this. Usually, I’m used to seeing you eating a truckload of food,” said Alucard.

Daryl just laughs as she continues to eat. “What do you expect from an 8 '5 girl?” said Daryl. Alucard just remained quiet until Daryl finished eating. “So, what do you want to do next Alucard?” asked Daryl. “How about we hit the arcade,” said Alucard.

They arrived at the arcade area on the first floor that's the two look around to see a lot of old retro arcade games along with some new arcade games. “Wow, I 've never been here before,” said Daryl. It didn't take Alucard long to play some arcade games. As he began to play Marvel versus Capcom 2. “Look like someone is having fun,” said Daryl. “What can I say? I love fighting games,” said Alucard. Daryl just giggled as she watched her boyfriend play. Once he was done the two decided to look for Rose and Terry.

Some time passed and soon they met up with the two at the food court “Seems you two have been busy” Daryl said jokingly as she and Alucard and Daryl met up with Rose and Terry. “Will not sure your one to talk” Tarry said jokingly as he looked at bags the pair had with them” hehe will you got us there" Tarry said with a smile “So seems you had a good time find anything good? * Daryl said with a smile as they sat next to them *

“Hehe you could say that got a little carried away when shopping * she said blushing a tad as she looked at the half-dozen bags with her “ will anyhow how about we get going it’s getting a bit late anyhow “ Rose said with a smile as she tried to steer the subject away from her bags still a bit immersed by how much she ended up getting “ sure that sounds good to me, want to come over to our place moms likely making dinner for us anyhow and with are the size we likely have at least a bit for you guys * she said jokingly “Hmmm Idon’t see why not i had little plans for the rest of the night anyhow, “ Rose said with a smile they soon grabbed their stuff and started walked outside

“Ok before we go let me just get back to my normal height, “Daryl said as she bright out a small potion and drake it starting to grow back to her normal giant size” nice hehe can’t lie it was starting to feel a bit wired seeing you so small “ Tarry said jokingly as she bright down a hand to rest her friends on her shoulders “ will don’t to use to it ya got me * she said with a smile as she started to walk over there items in her other hand as she walked back to their house

Some time passed and soon they met up with the two at the food court “Seems you two have been busy” Daryl said jokingly as she and Alucard and Daryl walked to Rose and Terry. “I'm not sure you're one to talk” Tarry said jokingly as he looked at the bags the pair had with them. "Hehe, will you got us there “ Tarry said with a smile “So it seems you had a good time finding anything good? * Daryl said with a smile as they sat next to them “Hehe you could say that got a little carried away when shopping * she said blushing a tad as she looked at the half-dozen bags with her “ will anyhow how about we get going it’s getting a bit late anyhow “ Rose said with a smile as she tried to steer the subject away from her bags still a bit immersed by how much she ended up getting “ sure that sounds good to me, want to come over to our place moms likely making dinner for us anyhow and with are the size we likely have at least a bit for you guys * she said jokingly “ hmmm ya i don’t see why not i had little plans for the rest of the night anyhow, “ Rose said with a smile they soon grabbed their stuff and started walked outside

“Well let get going" Daryl said with a smile as they went to the bus stop and took it back home many of the passengers eyeing the group were shocked when they saw Daryl at a normal size surprised seeing her so small a far cry from her often-giant size” soon they got off and started to walk back to their house. “Well, here we are. Just give me one sec ok” Daryl said with a smile. Rose and Alucard wondered what she had in mind. To their surprise Daryl said to grow without using any items to do so

“There we go” Daryl said happily looking over her body and grabbing their items with one hand “W-wait you could change your size this whole time since when! And why did you never grow at the start would have saved us the ride on the bus?” Rose said, confused with Alucard pleasantly surprised “I picked it up on my trip to Japan while training with Nijia.

Still getting the hang of it but it’s been really helpful” she said happily.

“Anyway, why are you upset about me not changing size! You can teleport anywhere Rose,” said Daryl. "That not the point Daryl. You could have carried us to the house,” said Rose.

Hi! I'm not your freeloader. What makes you think I got to carry you to your house? You can grow to a size like me, Rose. What your excuse,” said Daryl. Terry and Alucard both looked at each other as they looked confused. “I'm not making any excuses. I'm just saying I couldn't save my $2.50,” said Rose.

“Are you serious Rose? You didn't want to pay $2.50 to catch the bus. You're rich, you have money. Your family made more money than my family,” said Daryl. “Now, now Daryl everyone calms down,” said Alucard.

“Anyway, I thought it be fun to just mass with you guys a bit” said Daryl with a smile as she opened the door “I Swear you” Alucard said with a smile as they followed her inside.

#gts #giantess #Daryl #Terry #Alucard #Rose #Vimapire #Goddesses #teenager #highschool #mall

2 notes · View notes

ashipiko · 2 years ago

Text

quill milo and cooper incorrect quotes <3

🙏 cuz I like to post stuff all the time 🫶

(CLICK READMORE FOR QUOTES)

Quill: Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container.

Milo: The cow???

Quill: What?

Cooper: Milo, W H Y?

Quill: If Milo and I were drowning, who would you save?

Cooper: You two can’t swim?

Milo: It’s a hypothetical question, Cooper! who would you save?

Cooper: my time and effort.

Quill: If I die, my funeral is going to be the biggest party ever and you’re all invited!

Milo: If?

Cooper: Great, the only party I’ve ever been invited to and they might not even die.

Milo: You have to apologize to Quill

Cooper: Fine.

Cooper: 'Unfuck you' or whatever.

Milo: What do you think Cooper will do for a distraction?

Quill: He’ll probably, like, make a noise or dance. That’s what I would do.

Building explodes and several car alarms go off

Quill: ... or he could do that.

Quill: It’s a movie where people with sticks up their butts—

Milo: Who put the sticks up their butts?

Quill: Huh?

Milo: That is such a cruel thing to do. Who put the sticks up their butts???

Pierce: It’s just a phrase people say, Milo...

Quill: —says the raccoon.

Cooper: Don’t you DARE call me raccoon or else I’m gonna SCRATCH YOUR EYES OUT

Quill: Fine then! Trash panda.

Cooper: Tch.

Cooper (To Milo): ...Is that better than raccoon?

Milo: How would I know?

Quill, snickering: It’s so much worse.

Cooper: WHY YOU LITTLE—

Milo: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Cooper?

Cooper: No.

Quill: I do!

Milo: I know, Quill.

Quill: I’m sad!

Milo: I know, Quill.

Quill: Who thinks I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth?

Milo: You’re a hazard to society

Cooper: And a coward. DO TWENTY.

Cooper: Hey Milo,

Milo: Yes?

Cooper: How much you wanna bet a person can breathe inside a washing machine while it’s on?

Milo:

Milo: Where’s Quill?

Quill: Cooper and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us

Milo: Sighing What did Cooper do?

Quill: They chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and...

Cooper: Who wants a steering wheel?

Milo: If you had to choose between Quill and all the money I have in my wallet, which would you choose?

Cooper: That depends, how much money are we taking about?

Quill: Cooper!

Milo: 63 cents.

Cooper: I'll take the money.

Quill: COOPER!!!

Milo: We need a distraction.

Cooper: Is anyone here good at jumping up and down and making weird noises?

Quill, whispering: My time has come

Cooper: In your opinion, what’s the height of stupidity?

Milo: turning to Quill How tall are you?

Quill: Tell Milo about the birds and the bees.

Cooper: They're disappearing at an alarming rate.

Milo: This is such a bad idea.

Cooper: Then why are you coming along?

Milo: One of us need to be able to talk the cops out of arresting us when this inevitably goes wrong.

Quill: I was thinking I'd do some magic-

Cooper: You? Magic? Quill, it says talent show.

Quill: Can you please be serious for five minutes?

Cooper: My record is four, but I think I can do it.

Milo: You often use humor to deflect trauma

Cooper: Thank you

Milo: I didn't say that was a good thing

Cooper: What I'm hearing is, you think I'm funny

#ashi ocs ♡#cooper wilmot #pierce quill #milo apar #twst oc #twisted wonderland oc

6 notes · View notes

belle--ofthebrawl · 2 years ago

Note

For the "how I picture you" thing, based on absolutely no info besides blog and vibe XD

The obvious first answer is marine creature. Like a mer-creature or a selkie of some sort. Keen and intelligent and lurking with just the eyes out of the water and a halo of hair floating around, but will be sympathetic to friends who wanna bring food or trinkets and stay for a chat. Will absolutely drag a stranger under the surface to eat them underwater but not every strangers because some humans are ok, kinda vibe xD

Besides the creature thing, let's see. Average height, like a 5'6? Androgynous / gender ambiguous look. Prioritizes comfort and The Good Textures over style. Lots of white in the color palette? Or pale colors at the very least. Down for the practical clothes like thick solid boots and stiff jeans when going into nature, because I picture you like a walks in the woods person for some reason? But otherwise, comfort first. Short hair. Maybe an undercut or a shaved section? Brown / chestnut hair. Floofy and soft texture. I picture glasses, like some square glasses that say "I'm writing a thesis / an important document for work" while you wrote porn with the most impassible, unreadable calm face. The writing's filthy good, but nothing shows on the face.

How far off am I?

LONG POST, APOLOGIES. (Thank you for this!! It was very enjoyable to see what vibes I give off according to you ❤️)

Thalassophobia is the fear of large bodies of water. I suffer the opposite. The ocean has always reminded me I'm one of her own despite the distance between us. My birth chart is so soggy it qualifies as a drowning hazard to small children, ha. But not just the ocean... you're right about loving walks in nature and there's a stagnant pond in the woods I haunt with a crust of algae over it, absolutely stinks in the summer and I love that little pond just as much as the ocean. It's only out of respect for dear Jenny Greenteeth and the various microbes that I admire it from a distance. All are welcome in my merfolk's grotto, but if I ever find out who's littering...

(Look, it's all well and good if you want to disrespect a grave. I get that! Some people are shit! But as someone who cleans up in the cemetery, it's heartbreaking to find cigarette butts and beer cans shoved into stump hollows or left on a bench! My advice? JUST PISS ON THE HEADSTONE. IT'S ALL-NATURAL AND FREE. IN THE RIGHT WEATHER IT'LL BE GONE IN AN INSTANT. THE DEER DO IT ALL THE TIME. STOP LITTERING IN MY CEMETERY OR I WILL BEAT YOU WITH MY SHILLELAGH. I AM VERY FRAIL AND DELICATE AND IT WOULD BE EMBARRASSING FOR US BOTH.)

Practicality and comfort do come first when it comes to my clothes! Velvet and silk are some of my favorite textures, but recently there's a specific type of weave I've been going nuts over. I have a sweater and a cardigan in the same material and they are heavenly soft and so, so cozy. But not a lot of whites...My job isn't just emails and meetings; I usually come home smeared in...disgusting and colorful things. Sturdy and washable fabrics are a must but I also have a dress code to meet and it's so irritating. Also, if I see a decent pile of mud? I WILL be stepping in it to hear the squelch. So good.

Hair color accurate. Texture, fine and silky but prone to falling out. The style is "as long as it's out of the way, I don't care", but I am rather vain about it like any good mercreature. I've never had an undercut before! I just don't think I'd be able to do it. I wear square-framed glasses and refuse to switch to contacts because there's just Something So Good about staring over the thick rims and being very disappointed in what someone is doing. Once you cow a group of rowdy teenagers at the library into fear and obedience, oh... that's a high you chase for the rest of your life.

And finishing off with height, I stand at 5'7! But if you'll permit me to bitch about health problems? Scoliosis robbed me of at LEAST two inches, I'm sure of it. GOD HAS NERFED ME WITH SO MANY HEALTH PROBLEMS. IT'S NOT FAIR. I WOULD BE SO POWERFUL OTHERWISE.

Other than that? My soul is a lumpfish. Very Beautiful. Very Powerful. Very Blue.

#long post #I don't know how to do cutoffs on mobile.

3 notes · View notes

waru-chan8 · 2 years ago

Video

tumblr

Roberto: you can sit if you want, just to get up in a bit because the next challenge is a duel between the spoken person of the famous association (the contestants), Flo and also Jorge Lorenzo. Let’s see... I’ll start with you Flo. You are going to face off against a 3 times MotoGP World Championship (Waru’s comments: I can see Jorge screaming I’m a 5 times World Champion every time they get it wrong). I know you have been preparing for a long period of time for this challenge .

Flo: I’m getting hotter, I have the exhaust, careful! You better watch out how I have it. Mother of God. What did you need Roberto?

Roberto: Just how was the training? Because I see you with a good look, with a beautiful legs.

Flo: Yes, yes. The truth is I’m more skinny than a cow lately as Sergio my friend says. I prepared myself so at least Jorge feels tension.

Note: Flo is know to joke about hos weight and shape a lot. That’s why people is making jokes about it and he is even joking.

Roberto: That’s fantastic.

Flo: I go like this to train/rehearsals and in fact, 3 weeks ago I was 120kg and now 102Kg. watch out.

Roberto: Very Good. Those are Flo’s credentials. Jorge...

Jorge: I have to say, you have rider’s legs.

Flo: Of course I have rider’s legs, transatlantic rider (okay this might be a dogy translation, but in Spanish they use Piloto that can mean rider, driver or pilot).

Roberto: You as a 3 times MotoGP World Champion, used to pressure and be competitive and the rivalries, how are you setting El Desafío’s season?

Jorge: The challenge, well with nervousness because I did some programs but I was covered with a mask. Now this is the first program where people will be able to see me without covering. People has seen me in my job, in my profession but this, doing strange, unusual and special stuff it’d the first time. Nervous for that but...

Roberto: with eagerness of I suppose.

Jorge: I hope it wears off

Roberto: Eager to face off against Flo, I supposes. Let’s explain very quickly in what consist this face off at the same time they are railing each other up. They are going to ride an overboard, that is n electric scooter without handlebar (he explains how to correctly pronounce it in English vs the Spanish pronunciation). What is going to happen? Well we don’t know. They have taken some blows/crashes.

Trixie (yeap the coach is a kid): Hello Flo. Do you know how to do this?

Flo: Um. I don’t think so

Trixi: If you want to go fo forward, you put your weight forward and if you want to go backward, then you put your weight backward.

Flo: If I have overweight, where do I out it? This is rotating without me controlling it. Can you quite?

Jorge: okay, this how it goes? Huy! The rear suspension and aerodynamics needs to be modified. First crash... of the day. It’s very aggressive on the kerbs

Flo: Thi is going to hold my weight for real?

Jorge: Shit, where did I put myself into? I was very comfortable in my hose. One thing is doing it on an open space with no obstacles and another thing is putting yourself at 10m of height and knowing you can’t fall. Shit. I have a bad feeling.

Trixi: Be careful with the kerb it’s coming.

Flo: ay, ay, this is going alone *as I do not have control over it*. I see it terrible, honestly terrible. Shit

Jorge: You know there’s another rival that is going to try and be as quick as he can.

Flo: I’m going to fall at 15cm after the start. Ain’t gonna reach the first kerb.

Jorge: The good side is that it’s Flo, who is not an specially around this.+

Flo: Watch out Jorge Lorenzo, I’m after your butt. Maybe I overtake you on your right, and you don’t notice

#And they learned from the master; Jorge Lorenzo #Roberto Leal #Flo #Florentino Fernández #El Desafío #Antena3

1 note · View note

antikate · 2 years ago

Text

When I was a kid we somehow ended up with three poddy (orphaned) calves*, because my father was always soft about baby animals. Originally we would feed them with buckets of pab, which is calf formula, but because calves are like human babies and are born knowing how to suckle but not lap liquid from a cup this would involve sticking your hand in the bucket and letting the calf suck the milk off your fingers. And funnily enough no one in our family volunteered to do that five times a day. Also calves tongues are incredibly raspy and it was like having the skin slurped off your fingers.

Anyway, to solve this problem my dad built a very similar device to this goat feeder. His was a large white board with holes drilled into it at about calf head height, and on the other side of the board were a series of hooks. From the hooks we would hang coffee tins connected to tubes and then plastic teats.

To feed the calves we would mix up the powdered pab in big buckets and then pour the milk into the coffee tins, and then poke the teats through the big white board. It worked brilliantly, although the calves treated the board as a surrogate mother and would head-butt it to get more milk going, and would gather around it at night or if a storm rolled in.

Kind of a skinner’s monkey mother, but for baby cows.

*it is very sad, but it’s not uncommon for cows to reject their calves, and raising calves by hand is fairly intensive for the first few months, but my dad was the man stubborn and ingenious enough to do it

#baby animals

41K notes · View notes

the-firebird69 · 4 months ago

Text

He says he's best compared to in size and proportion to the hulk If he bulks up and he can and there's some differences the hands and feet are normal sized and ankles are a little bit less but not not too much it's true that these guys are enormous and his head is normal and larger and I'm telling you what he's a giant and this is Class A if you've ever seen a hulk. You see them in Warcraft but they're shrunken down and they're misshaven and they look odd you see them in the movies and they're a little bit off their legs are kind of normal height or length really. They're ginormous this guy's gonna be huge just like me like they said but a little bit bigger at that size because he's not full size it's kind of like a deception almost because when he's full size he'll be the size of the Hulk but very tall in the polar bear that shares his name would not have a chance he would be devastated and he wouldn't hurt him he says because he has the upper hand he could stop him and stop him from attacking and wouldn't even bind him and would try and befriend him in the he says that his people have done it and with that particular bear and the bear kind of thinks you're one of them he says especially if you're wearing furs which you had to. I'm telling you what I'm looking forward to this I don't wanna be this small guy that anybody can beat up. And there's some experiences in life you have to have And I wanna see my buddy at this size and interested in the strength level but I need to know about this in Australia item and he says it's very easy it's near the whose cow it's a female so I'm gonna check it out. And he says it might be those inlets that's where we go actually and I do disappear and he thinks that Batman Arkham Asylum begins

tommy f and the jokeer ifnds finds me and holds me uses my own machine and yeh we need him to think that sh damnit

Olympus hahaha

and fun ok fun this is fun

Thor Freya

oh boy

Wolvesbain

andwe are in for it now no

She Wolvsbain and yeh they will notice ahahh calll mea man a lot yes they will hahah nope. big butt and boobs lol hahaah ok i m jen now ok

Hera

0 notes

dearest-lulu · 5 months ago

Text

July 10th 2024: Thin Mints

Dear Lulu, I think I've figured it out. The secret to being happy is putting raspberries in your mouth that you've only a moment ago stuffed with chocolate.

For a brief moment I felt whole. Now I've just got to figure out how to keep that going in a way that doesn't mean buying more forgiving clothes. You're no stranger to that thrill. Today I'm remembering the time you ate your weight in Thin Mints. Sometime in 2019 before the sky fell, I'd got my hands on the all too rare, girl guide cookie exclusive, thin mints. You had watched me intensely as I nursed one of two boxes, and when Grandma and I went out for lunch, you went to work. Being 5lbs and some change and the height of a modest watermelon, I thought the spot on my desk was a perfect hiding place from you for the minty gold delicacies. I was but a fool. You were not a watermelon, no, you were indeed a 10 year old chihuahua with a singular goal. Get those cookies. So when we came back and you refused to come greet us I knew something was a miss. There was canine shame in the air, and it smelled of chocolate. You hadn't yet shown signs of illness but you were hiding a bounty. Just as I found the burried, half mangled cookie under your butt, grandma knocked over that mornings coffee on my desk. It spilled into a far more mangled, decimated, previously unopened box, of thin mints. I know chocolate is yummy, but I hope you see now with your clairvoyance that this was so bad for you, my love. In any case, we took you to the vet and urged them to move quickly. Reminding them that you are about the seize and weight of an unopened box of thin mints and that the entire box was unaccounted for. They took you somewhat reluctantly to the back to begin what im sure was quite the sight. Not 20 minutes later, a tech came out, red in the face, slightly shaking and asked if this was about the size of it holding a phone out towards me. On the screen was not one, two or three vet techs but 5 people surrounding you. You that was awkwardly suspended over a mountain of thin mint that looked like a cow pat. Smiling. Sure enough, on top like a cherry on a forbidden sundae was the faint memory of your daily greenie. I was sure that was indeed all you had managed to fit. The terror I felt knowing you could have died was horrible. Yet I look back at that and laugh. My desk was 3.5' tall and you could be held in one hand like a generous yam. You must have had to push furniture, all 5lbs of you, close to the desk in order to climb up. You then ate your fill and took one for the road. The tenacity in that little body of yours. I miss it. I couldn't even be mad about the cookies.

#dearlulu #story #stories #dog stories #funny dog #pet loss #dealing with grief #grieving #pet death #grief #thin mints

0 notes

7r0773r · 2 years ago

Text

Poems by Elizabeth Bishop

The Fish

I caught a tremendous fish and held him beside the boat half out of water, with my hook fast in a corner of his mouth. He didn't fight. He hadn't fought at all. He hung a grunting weight, battered and venerable and homely. Here and there his brown skin hung in strips like ancient wallpaper, and its pattern of darker brown was like wallpaper: shapes like full-blown roses stained and lost through age. He was speckled with barnacles, fine rosettes of lime, and infested with tiny white sea-lice, and underneath two or three rags of green weed hung down. While his gills were breathing in the terrible oxygen —the frightening gills, fresh and crisp with blood, that can cut so badly— I thought of the coarse white flesh packed in like feathers, the big bones and the little bones, the dramatic reds and blacks of his shiny entrails, and the pink swim-bladder like a big peony. I looked into his eyes which were far larger than mine but shallower, and yellowed, the irises backed and packed with tarnished tinfoil seen through the lenses of old scratched isinglass. They shifted a little, but not to return my stare. —It was more like the tipping of an object toward the light. I admired his sullen face, the mechanism of his jaw, and then I saw that from his lower lip —if you could call it a lip— grim, wet, and weaponlike, hung five old pieces of fish-line, or four and a wire leader with the swivel still attached, with all their five big hooks grown firmly in his mouth. A green line, frayed at the end where he broke it, two heavier lines, and a fine black thread still crimped from the strain and snap when it broke and he got away. Like medals with their ribbons frayed and wavering, a five-haired beard of wisdom trailing from his aching jaw. I stared and stared and victory filled up the little rented boat, from the pool of bilge where oil had spread a rainbow around the rusted engine to the bailer rusted orange, the sun-cracked thwarts, the oarlocks on their strings, the gunnels—until everything was rainbow, rainbow, rainbow! And I let the fish go.

***

A Cold Spring

for Jane Dewey, Maryland Nothing is so beautiful as spring —Hopkins

A cold spring: the violet was flawed on the lawn. For two weeks or more the trees hesitated; the little leaves waited, carefully indicating their characteristics. Finally a grave green dust settled over your big and aimless hills. One day, in a chill white blast of sunshine, on the side of one a calf was born. The mother stopped lowing and took a long time eating the after-birth, a wretched flag, but the calf got up promptly and seemed inclined to feel gay. The next day was much warmer. Greenish-white dogwood infiltrated the wood, each petal burned, apparently, by a cigarette-butt; and the blurred redbud stood beside it, motionless, but almost more like movement than any placeable color. Four deer practised leaping over your fences. The infant oak-leaves swung through the sober oak. Song-sparrows were wound up for the summer, and in the maple the complementary cardinal cracked a whip, and the sleeper awoke, stretching miles of green limbs from the south. In his cap the lilacs whitened, then one day they fell like snow. Now, in the evening, a new moon comes. The hills grow softer. Tufts of long grass show where each cow-flop lies. The bull-frogs are sounding, slack strings plucked by heavy thumbs.

Beneath the light, against your white front door, the smallest moths, like Chinese fans, flatten themselves, silver and silver-gilt over pale yellow, orange, or gray. Now, from the thick grass, the fireflies begin to rise: up, then down, then up again: lit on the ascending flight, drifting simultaneously to the same height, –exactly like the bubbles in champagne. –Later on they rise much higher. And your shadowy pastures will be able to offer these particular glowing tributes every evening now throughout the summer.

***

Insomnia

The moon in the bureau mirror looks out a million miles (and perhaps with pride, at herself, but she never, never smiles) far and away beyond sleep, or perhaps she's a daytime sleeper. By the Universe deserted, she'd tell it to go to hell, and she'd find a body of water, or a mirror, on which to dwell. So wrap up care in a cobweb and drop it down the well into that world inverted where left is always right, where the shadows are really the body, where we stay awake all night, where the heavens are shallow as the sea is now deep, and you love me.

***

The Armadillo

for Robert Lowell

This is the time of year when almost every night the frail, illegal fire balloons appear. Climbing the mountain height, rising toward a saint still honored in these parts, the paper chambers flush and fill with light that comes and goes, like hearts. Once up against the sky it's hard to tell them from the stars— planets, that is—the tinted ones: Venus going down, or Mars, or the pale green one. With a wind, they flare and falter, wobble and toss; but if it's still they steer between the kite sticks of the Southern Cross, receding, dwindling, solemnly and steadily forsaking us, or, in the downdraft from a peak, suddenly turning dangerous. Last night another big one fell. It splattered like an egg of fire against the cliff behind the house. The flame ran down. We saw the pair of owls who nest there flying up and up, their whirling black-and-white stained bright pink underneath, until they shrieked up out of sight. The ancient owls' nest must have burned. Hastily, all alone, a glistening armadillo left the scene, rose-flecked, head down, tail down, and then a baby rabbit jumped out, short-eared, to our surprise. So soft!—a handful of intangible ash with fixed, ignited eyes. Too pretty, dreamlike mimicry! O falling fire and piercing cry and panic, and a weak mailed fist clenched ignorant against the sky!

***

Sestina

September rain falls on the house. In the failing light, the old grandmother sits in the kitchen with the child beside the Little Marvel Stove, reading the jokes from the almanac, laughing and talking to hide her tears. She thinks that her equinoctial tears and the rain that beats on the roof of the house were both foretold by the almanac, but only known to a grandmother. The iron kettle sings on the stove. She cuts some bread and says to the child, It's time for tea now; but the child is watching the teakettle's small hard tears dance like mad on the hot black stove, the way the rain must dance on the house. Tidying up, the old grandmother hangs up the clever almanac on its string. Birdlike, the almanac hovers half open above the child, hovers above the old grandmother and her teacup full of dark brown tears. She shivers and says she thinks the house feels chilly, and puts more wood in the stove. It was to be, says the Marvel Stove. I know what I know, says the almanac. With crayons the child draws a rigid house and a winding pathway. Then the child puts in a man with buttons like tears and shows it proudly to the grandmother. But secretly, while the grandmother busies herself about the stove, the little moons fall down like tears from between the pages of the almanac into the flower bed the child has carefully placed in the front of the house. Time to plant tears, says the almanac. The grandmother sings to the marvelous stove and the child draws another inscrutable house.

***

In the Waiting Room

In Worcester, Massachusetts, I went with Aunt Consuelo to keep her dentist's appointment and sat and waited for her in the dentist's waiting room. It was winter. It got dark early. The waiting room was full of grown-up people, arctics and overcoats, lamps and magazines. My aunt was inside what seemed like a long time and while I waited I read the National Geographic (I could read) and carefully studied the photographs: the inside of a volcano, black, and full of ashes; then it was spilling over in rivulets of fire. Osa and Martin Johnson dressed in riding breeches, laced boots, and pith helmets. A dead man slung on a pole —"Long Pig," the caption said. Babies with pointed heads wound round and round with string; black, naked women with necks wound round and round with wire like the necks of light bulbs. Their breasts were horrifying. I read it right straight through. I was too shy to stop. And then I looked at the cover: the yellow margins, the date.

Suddenly, from inside, came an oh! of pain —Aunt Consuelo's voice— not very loud or long. I wasn't at all surprised; even then I knew she was a foolish, timid woman. I might have been embarrassed, but wasn't. What took me completely by surprise was that it was me: my voice, in my mouth. Without thinking at all I was my foolish aunt, I—we—were falling, falling, our eyes glued to the cover of the National Geographic, February, 1918.

I said to myself: three days and you'll be seven years old. I was saying it to stop the sensation of falling off the round, turning world. into cold, blue-black space. But I felt: you are an I, you are an Elizabeth, you are one of them. Why should you be one, too? I scarcely dared to look to see what it was I was. I gave a sidelong glance —I couldn't look any higher— at shadowy gray knees, trousers and skirts and boots and different pairs of hands lying under the lamps. I knew that nothing stranger had ever happened, that nothing stranger could ever happen.

Why should I be my aunt, or me, or anyone? What similarities— boots, hands, the family voice I felt in my throat, or even the National Geographic and those awful hanging breasts— held us all together or made us all just one? How—I didn't know any word for it—how "unlikely". . . How had I come to be here, like them, and overhear a cry of pain that could have got loud and worse but hadn't?

The waiting room was bright and too hot. It was sliding beneath a big black wave, another, and another.

Then I was back in it. The War was on. Outside, in Worcester, Massachusetts, were night and slush and cold, and it was still the fifth of February, 1918.

***

One Art

The art of losing isn’t hard to master; so many things seem filled with the intent to be lost that their loss is no disaster. Lose something every day. Accept the fluster of lost door keys, the hour badly spent. The art of losing isn’t hard to master. Then practice losing farther, losing faster: places, and names, and where it was you meant to travel. None of these will bring disaster. I lost my mother’s watch. And look! my last, or next-to-last, of three loved houses went. The art of losing isn’t hard to master. I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster, some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent. I miss them, but it wasn’t a disaster. —Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture I love) I shan’t have lied. It’s evident the art of losing’s not too hard to master though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

***

The End of March

for John Malcolm Brinnin and Bill Read: Duxbury

It was cold and windy, scarcely the day to take a walk on that long beach Everything was withdrawn as far as possible, indrawn: the tide far out, the ocean shrunken, seabirds in ones or twos. The rackety, icy, offshore wind numbed our faces on one side; disrupted the formation of a lone flight of Canada geese; and blew back the low, inaudible rollers in upright, steely mist. The sky was darker than the water —it was the color of mutton-fat jade. Along the wet sand, in rubber boots, we followed a track of big dog-prints (so big they were more like lion-prints). Then we came on lengths and lengths, endless, of wet white string, looping up to the tide-line, down to the water, over and over. Finally, they did end: a thick white snarl, man-size, awash, rising on every wave, a sodden ghost, falling back, sodden, giving up the ghost. . . . A kite string?—But no kite. I wanted to get as far as my proto-dream-house, my crypto-dream-house, that crooked box set up on pilings, shingled green, a sort of artichoke of a house, but greener (boiled with bicarbonate of soda?), protected from spring tides by a palisade of--are they railroad ties? (Many things about this place are dubious.) I'd like to retire there and do nothing, or nothing much, forever, in two bare rooms: look through binoculars, read boring books, old, long, long books, and write down useless notes, talk to myself, and, foggy days, watch the droplets slipping, heavy with light. At night, a grog à l'américaine. I'd blaze it with a kitchen match and lovely diaphanous blue flame would waver, doubled in the window. There must be a stove; there is a chimney, askew, but braced with wires, and electricity, possibly —at least, at the back another wire limply leashes the whole affair to something off behind the dunes. A light to read by—perfect! But—impossible. And that day the wind was much too cold even to get that far, and of course the house was boarded up. On the way back our faces froze on the other side. The sun came out for just a minute. For just a minute, set in their bezels of sand, the drab, damp, scattered stones were multi-colored, and all those high enough threw out long shadows, individual shadows, then pulled them in again. They could have been teasing the lion sun, except that now he was behind them —a sun who'd walked the beach the last low tide, making those big, majestic paw-prints, who perhaps had batted a kite out of the sky to play with.

***

Objects & Apparitions

for Joseph Cornell

Hexahedrons of wood and glass, scarcely bigger than a shoebox, with room in them for night and all its lights. Monuments to every moment, refuse of every moment, used: cages for infinity. Marbles, buttons, thimbles, dice, pins, stamps, and glass beads: tales of the time. Memory weaves, unweaves the echoes: in the four corners of the box shadowless ladies play at hide-and-seek. Fire buried in the mirror, water sleeping in the agate: solos of Jenny Colonne and Jenny Lind. "One has to commit a painting," said Degas, "the way one commits a crime." But you constructed boxes where things hurry away from their names. Slot machine of visions, condensation flask for conversations, hotel of crickets and constellations. Minimal, incoherent fragments the opposite of History, creator of ruins, out of your ruins you have made creations. Theater of the spirits: objects putting the laws of identity through hoops. "Grand Hotel de la Couronne": in a vial, the three of clubs and, very surprised, Thumbelina in gardens of reflection. A comb is a harp strummed by the glance of a little girl born dumb. The reflector of the inner eye scatters the spectacle: God all alone above an extinct world. The apparitions are manifest, their bodies weigh less than light, lasting as long as this phrase lasts. Joseph Cornell: inside your boxes my words became visible for a moment.

Translated from the Spanish of Octavio Paz

***

My love, my saving grace, your eyes are awfully blue. I kiss your funny face, your coffee-flavored mouth. Last night I slept with you. Today I love you so how can I bear to go (as soon I must, I know) to bed with ugly death in that cold, filthy place, to sleep there without you, without the easy breath and nightlong, limblong warmth I’ve grown accustomed to? —Nobody wants to die; tell me it is a lie! But no, I know it’s true. It’s just the common case; there’s nothing one can do. My love, my saving grace, your eyes are awfully blue early and instant blue.

Unpublished manuscript poem

#elizabeth bishop #book quotes

1 note · View note

marbelcrossovers · 1 year ago

Text

...The universe is controlling my hands. @rarepears Alcohol wasn’t allowed in the Gusu Lan Clan. The cursed liquid only clouded people’s judgements and dull their bodies, causing them to make a fool of themselves. However, that rule was for drinking alcohol. With so many disciples training with blades, it was inevitable that some would sustain injuries. Small cuts, scrapped knees, or bruises were all common. Thus, they periodically brewed their only alcohol from grains or sorghum to treat wounds. Lan Qiren had just finished checking up on the inventory when he heard a strange noise outside. It was loud, much too noisy and sounding like there was a full market with a circus going on. How inappropriate. Even Wei Wuxian wouldn’t have caused such a ruckus!

He opened the door, ready to give a stern lecture to the source of the issue but the word were clenched tight in his chest. There were no demons or monsters chasing people around, no youngsters goofing about or even Wei Wuxian with another of his “genius” ideas.

Instead, a Mother Hen just a head shorter than him--dressed in lime green robes--was beating a chick with a roller pin. The wooden stick waved through the air, landing on the yellow bird’s butt as feathers flew in the air. “A-Nian! How many times do I have to tell you to keep out of the sugar jar?“ A woman’s voice--pitched high and shrilling--came from the hen. Its--her--beak moved and her expression was animated. Lian Qiren had no idea how he saw mother’s rage across a hen’s face but he did. Beside her, it wasn’t the usual quiet mountains or flowing river of Gusu. It was a cobblestone street with stands and shops, where crowds moved through. Merchants yelled about their sales, vendors boasted about their food, and mortals living their normal lives. Except all of them were animals dressed in human clothing. A cow walked into a cosmetic store, with flowers in her hair while looking for the right shade of lip stains. A goose was selling hot noodles, a cat held a fan while reciting poetry, and a dog was chopping vegetables to make buns. There was something very wrong happening. It must be an illusion. Maybe they were under attack. “Dad, that man looks ugly,” a lamb whispered to the older sheep. “Is he a hairless monkey?“ “Don’t stare at strangers. It’s rude.“ The father yanked at the child’s hooves. “And yes, I believe that is a hairless monkey. Poor sap, don’t know what happened to him for him to loose his fur.“

Lan Qiren tried to remember how many hours he slept for the past week. It was either he was going mad due to exhaustion or something was very wrong with the world. Something bumped into his leg from behind. “Aiya, don’t stand there like a statue!“ the angry old ferret yelled with a raised paw. It was pushing a heavy cart of rice. “Shh! Shh!” “My apologies,” Lan Qiren said with a bit of difficult as he watched the ferret’s whiskers quivered. “Do you know where we are?” “The village of course.” “And what is the name of--” The ferret was already moving past him, screaming at the ox waiting by the rice shop to come help him unload. Lan Qiren walked ahead, seeing unfamiliar buildings and mountains in the distance. The style of architecture was similar to what he once saw in the more southern parts but he didn’t recognize anything else. No one knew of cultivation but there were statues of animals in fighting poses all over the village. And there was a temple. Inhaling slightly, Lan Qiren moved quickly and he was glad that his powers hadn’t been lost in this strange world. The temple looked like any other temple, large and made of thick red wood and a sturdy giant door. He knocked and after a few minutes, the door opened but there was no one behind it. “Achem,” someone coughed. He looked down, only to see a small furry animal that only came up to about his knees in height. It was an old animal with wise eyes, the fur around its nose longer like a mustache. Dressed in a brown robe, his paws were placed behind his back. “Ah, aren’t you a strange looking one,” the red panda greeted. “Are you here looking for the dragon warrior?”

Im sorry but mdzs crossover with kung fu panda is too much fun.

These two ESPECIALLY.

#mdzs #lan qiren #crack crossover #kung fu panda #master shifu #i take no blame for this

148 notes · View notes

voxmortuus · 4 years ago

Text

Silly Crush | POSSIBLE CHAPTER SERIES

Stu Macher x F!Reader

Scream FanFic

TW: Fluff, mild language, heated make-out session

Forgive my writing. It’s been a while.

GIF created by @2026

Late summer of 1996, just before school starts back up again. The summer fair had come to town, this year it decided to not skip town, the weather was perfect for it! Being the loner you usually steered clear of these things, but you had befriended Tatum and Sidney. It was nice to have friends that you could talk to, to trust, plus the added perks of Stu's flirtatious nature, though you could never bear to tell him that you had a crush on him, you'd be risking your friendship and likely look foolish, there was no way you thought that Stu would be into someone like you... I mean, after all, he was Stu Macher, he and Billy were kind of known around Woodsboro High.

Slipping into your favorite pair of black overalls, one strap off, and slipping on a black crop top and a pair of black LEI black platforms a touch of makeup, and braided your hair into long pigtails, and headed out. Tatum loved your outfit. "We'll meet the guys there, Stu had to do something." Tatum chirped while you hopped into her red Volkswagen bug and takes off down the road. "What did have to do?" You casually ask. "Something with Billy, said they'd show up after, some project they're working on." Sidney chimed in. "Yeah something stupid important." Tatum mocked. With a chuckle, you shake your head and watch out the window.

Getting out of the car after she parked it you three look around and decide to head to the benches waiting for the two boys to arrive. Tatum played with her gum and Sidney reading a book, you sat there, people watching, three unlikely friends, but so far so good, this was going to be good for you, real good, so you hoped, minus the odd guilt of crushing on Tatum's man. Letting out a soft breath, Stu and Billy approach from behind startling their better halves. Stu looks at you and gives you a sweet smile. "Hey Y/N. Glad you made it." It could be he was being nice, but the feeling behind his words was something more. You give a kind smile back and flush slightly. "Me too." Clearing your throat and with a side stare from Tatum and a smile from Sidney the girls hop up and look around.

Without any hesitation Tatum looks a Stu, "It's time for that big blue dog you promised me!" She grinned taking his hand and dragging him away. Sidney looked at Billy, "Ferris Wheel?" with a shrug and a nod. "Sure." Sidney looks at you. "You can come if you'd like." You shake your head and give a smile. "Nah, I'll be good, I'll be here. It's just nice to get out of the house." Sidney nods and pats your shoulder before she and Billy take off to the wheel while you sat there, alone, like always. "I knew this was a bad idea." you tell yourself before letting out a sigh and slump on the bench picking at your glitter nail polish and staring at the ground a bit.

After a few hours had passed Tatum started to feel sick, of course, that's what happens when one inhales two cotton candies and a thing of funnel cake and a corn dog and a diet soda. She looks at you. "Hey, I'm going to head home, thanks for coming with us, Stu is going to take you home if that's alright?" You look at her "Yeah, that's fine. Feel better." You tell her. "Billy, Sidney you ready?" she askes them almost feeling ignored you look down at the ground, your jaw clenches, Sidney touches your shoulder again and the three of them take off. Stu sits next to you and looks ahead of himself. "You know, she doesn't mean to be a bitch all the time." You look up and over at him and arch a brow. "She's not a bitch, just, set in her ways." With a chuckle, he shakes his head. "No need to be polite. She brought you here and ditched you. Personally Bitch move." He stated

Shaking your head you know how people like that can be, you slump a bit more. "Nothing like being a third wheel." you chuckle. "It's alright though, it was nice to get out of the house." you state with a soft voice and maybe some optimism. Looking at you he smiled. "How about I make up for it?" You quickly shake your head and smile. "You don't have to, there's nothing to make up for." Shaking his head again. "I don't think you understand. Let me make it up to you. I don't think I'm giving you much of a choice." Clearing your throat you look down and pick at your nails again and nod your head. "Okay Stu."

Standing up he takes your hand and your whole body gets warm, flushed, and nervous as he takes you to win you that blue dog he botched trying to get for Tatum. "Until I win the big blue one Merve." He tells the man behind the counter. "Anything for you Stu." He chuckles and hands him some baseballs. You watch as he looks at you. "I'm bad at this." He laughs throwing a few, "Not too bad." you reassure him. After a good five minutes, he wins you the large blue dog, smiling you bite your lip taking the dog. "Thank you," you tell the man and then at Stu. "And thank you. I have the perfect spot for him in my room." You beam a smile nuzzling into the dog a bit.

"Next stop!" He takes your hand and takes you to get something to eat. You blush a bit as he took it upon himself to order for you. Taking a seat a the picnic benches Stu looks at you and looks around. "There are a few more stops before we hit the big ending." He nodded to the Ferris wheel. Biting your lip and taking a bite of your burger you look at him and back at the end of the strip and let out a shaky breath. Nerves are going to get the better of you, you know this and grip the large paw of the dog and look at Stu. "Thank you, for all of this so far." He laughed. "Don't thank me until the end." He tells you.

Finishing food he takes you to the water guns, the ball toss and ends up winning you a goldfish, the thunderbolt, and last but not least, you two are standing in line for the Ferris Wheel, your stomach is turning, nerves, the Ferris wheel was a special ride. "We don't have to do this." You tell him. "Nonsense, we're going." He laughs taking your hand and getting into a cart and closes the door. Placing the dog and the bag with the goldfish on the bench across the way Stu decides to sit next to you with his arm around your shoulders, pulling you close. Taking in his cheap cologne your eyes close, feeling this odd sense of safety.

The ride takes off and you jump a little and he pulls you closer. "Heights make me uneasy." you tell him, looking down at you. "I'll protect you." He tells you with a cheeky grin and looks around. "Thank you for tonight, I'm glad I came." She smiled. "I'm glad you came too." A few times around the wheel stops, Looking around Stu chuckles. "Uhhh, bad news, we're going to be stuck here for a bit." Your eyes grow wide and you get closer to him and bite your lip harder. Stu holds you petting your head a bet and you look up. "Well I guess, we should talk... I need to distract myself. I'm a horrible friend Stu." You tell him.

With an arched brow, he looks at you, "How so?" you fidget and he looks at you, waiting for you to speak. "I've uhh, I've got this thing for someone, and this someone has someone, and this someone's someone had befriended me this summer and I feel like a bad friend for liking this someone." You state, "Vague... I'm sure Sidney would understand, everyone's got a thing for Billy." He moves away a little bit. Shaking your head you look up at him. "No Stu, I like you, and Tatum would have a cow if she found out." Stu looks at you. "You like me?" He asks you, nodding your head he chuckles and smiles. "I like you." He tells you.

With a nervous laugh, you lean into him and bite on your lip. He looks down at you, and tilts your head up, and presses his lips to yours, his hand resting on the side of your neck as you grip his shirt and press into the kiss a bit more. His tongue dances with yours as the kiss becomes a bit more heated, his hand moves from your neck to your breast gripping it in his hand as the other pulls you closer. He pulls you on top of him and you look over his face, moving your hips a bit and he lets off a soft groan, pulling you closer back into a kiss as his hands rest on your butt pulling you even closer, any closer and you'd melt into him. His hand slips under your shirt playing with the perky bit of flesh and the suppleness of your breast while your fingers play with his hairline.

Tongues dancing together he lifts his hips up into yours. Looking over his face. "We shouldn't do this here, not here, and it's too quick, and I... Stu..." Stu looks at you. "Yeah Y/N?" He askes with a smile. "Do you love Tatum?" You ask him. "I wouldn't call it love, she's annoying, needy, and overly clingy... I offered to take you home, I wanted to tell you I liked you, and was hoping that maybe you'd be my girl." He looked over your face. Hugging him you nuzzle into his neck. "Yes, absolutely. Tatum is going to shit." You chuckle shaking your head. "She will at first, but she'll find someone else to occupy her time." He smirked and places you next to him and fixed your shirt, taking care of you, holding you close.

The wheel starts moving again and when you two get off the wheel, he smiles taking your hand, and escorts you to his car where he then takes you home. "I'll come by tomorrow we'll go see a movie or something. After I tell Tatum see ya." He chuckled planting a kiss on your lips before you get out of the car and make your way inside with your dog and fish. Your mother looks at you. "Well well, looks like you had fun." You smirk big and nod. "Night mum. Love you." You kiss her cheek and rush upstairs. Putting the fish in a bowl and the dog on the foot of the bed you strip down into something comfortable grab your journal and being to write. "Dear Diary, Tonight, was the best night EVER!"

—————————————————————————————————

If you want to be tagged let me know. This is the first of many stories! I am also taking requests!

@luciferslittleastre

330 notes · View notes

salamanderergfanfictions · 3 years ago

Text

Game of Thrones; Modern AU, Stark family, no pairing

Title: Instructions for Care

“Did,” Robb started hesitantly, “Did you try to teach Arya how to do laundry again?”

Sansa turned around, “What? No, ever since she ruined my silk dress shirt, I haven’t even let her near the door. With the state of the floor in her room, you’d think she doesn’t know where the hamper is either.”

“Oh, I was just,” Robb cleared his throat, “Wondering if she maybe put something in the dryer that wasn’t supposed to be...dried.”

Sansa stared at her brother, shaking her head in confusion when he didn’t elaborate.

“Because of shrinking,” He finished, “Things can shrink in the wash when directions are not followed.”

“Did one of your shirts shrink? Or your trousers?” Sansa put her hands on her hips, “You know it’s best to air dry those. And you’re old enough to be doing your own laundry, don’t you think? I understand the impulse to blame Arya, but honestly, you’re a man grown.”

“I was just—” Robb took a breath, “Your skirt, Sansa. Your skirt is…too short.”

“What?”

“You’re going to have to change.”

“What?”

“Or put something on underneath, but you’ll not be leaving the house without having done one of the two.”

Sansa smoothed down the sides of her skirt, “It’s supposed to be this short—“ She broke off at the look on her brother’s face before huffing in annoyance.

“Okay,” She said between pursed lips, “So it’s a tad shorter than it would be on the average woman, but you don’t know how hard it is to find skirts made for taller women with an appropriate length, and this is in fashion and Margery has one just like it and she looks absolutely darling—”

“Okay, okay,” Robb held up his hands. “Who am I to argue with what Margery Tyrell looks darling in?”

“Practically everything,” Sansa said sincerely.

Robb sighed and barely managed to hold back on rolling his eyes.

“Fine,” He said eventually, motioning toward the stairs, “But you’re going to go up and put some tights on underneath.”

“Robb!” Sansa protested. “It’s still summer—“

“And if you and I ever want to live to see winter, you’ll not be leaving the house without something underneath that skirt. Mother and father and Septa Mordane would throw a fit if they were to see you.”

“But Margery Tyrell—”

“I’ll not hear another word about Margery Tyrell. Margery Tyrell is not Sansa Stark and she’s not living under Catelyn Stark’s roof.” Robb shook his head, “By the Seven, Sansa, the girl is a head and half shorter than you, I wouldn’t be surprised if the same skirt hit her below the knees.”

“Robb, that is not very charitable. She’s perhaps only a head shorter.”

Robb raised an eyebrow, but was undaunted, “Perhaps uncharitable, but still true.”

“I only want to fit in,” Sansa said quietly, “I already stick out so much, between my hair and my height and my...lack of knowledge.”

Robb deftly ignored the last part of that sentence and kept his mouth shut on his opinions of how much knowledge his fifteen year old sister should have, “I didn’t say you had to take the skirt off, you just have to put something underneath.”

“No one else is going to be wearing tights!”

“It’s not my duty to care about what everyone else is wearing. I only care about what you are.”

“You’re worse than father.”

“Ah, but more lenient than Septa Mordane would be. She’d send you back up and you’d never leave the house in anything more revealing than a muumuu.”

Sansa made a face.

“What’s a moo-moo?” Arya spoke up from behind them, hopping up on the counter. “Is it a cow thing? Are we doing animal sounds, I can do a great pig!” She snorted loudly.

“Ugh, you sound like a pig because you behave like one,” Sansa said shortly, before turning around and walking out of the kitchen without another word.

“What crawled up her butt?” Arya asked.

“Nothing that I could see,” Robb winced as the words left his mouth and he shuddered in disgust.

“Sansa,” Jon greeted coming down the stairs as she rounded the corner to go up.

Sansa reached the first step before spinning around, looking down, “Jon,” She said with a seldom heard authority in her voice that caused Jon to start and look around. It was the look he got on his face when her mother was talking to him.

“Is my skirt too short?”

Jon’s gaze dropped momentarily down before rapidly shooting back up to her eyes. He took a moment to answer, “I think it’s a very nice skirt.”

“Thank you,” She said curtly, inclining her head in a mock curtsy, “Jon happens to think that it’s not too short at all!” She called out, hoping her voice carried to the kitchen.

“Jon!” Robb’s voice answered back. “Get in here!”

Jon entered the kitchen with his hands up, “All I said was that it was a nice skirt.”

Robb grinned at him, “I know, but if she thinks I’m annoyed at you now, maybe her bad mood will be over soon.”

“Theon doesn’t either!” Was yelled down a few moments later, as well as the firm shutting of a door.

Robb’s face turned red and he pushed himself off of the counter he was leaning on, “Greyjoy! Get the hell down here now!”

End

#game of thrones #stark family #modern AU #sansa #robb #arya #jon #just for shits and giggles #salamandererg #fanfiction

12 notes · View notes

doctor-plagueis · 4 years ago

Text

RWBY Booty Tier List

Hi I said it would happen so now it's gonna happen, time to rate asses and explain why I gave them that rating...

(also they are in order from flattest to phattest)

[This took way too long (T-T) ]

Starting with D TIER Aka Flat as fuck

Raven: Ya go to the lowest tier in D tier ya all-tits-no-ass having ass, you deadbeat fucko (I really don't like parents who leave their children, how'd you guess?).

Weiss : Sorry girl but even with all your dance training, your Sperm donor's DNA is in you, if it was just your mom's DNA you'd rocket up to A TIER, still more ass than Raven tho, which says a lot about Raven since Weiss is as flat as a wooden plank (sorry @naughtyweiss your girl has no ass).

All of team NDGO: these bitches show up once or twice, and, in the novels they do something bad? I didn't read it, but they like sacrifice some people to the Grimm or something? Anyways they have almost no ass too little to actually matter.

C TIER Aka Too much muscle

Pyrrha : Sorry unbeatable girl your life style is just too healthy, with all her exercises and no fat foods she has no cushioning, I'm sorry Pyrrha you just have too much muscle.

Reese : With all her skating she must have some muscle in the back, like literally, her muscles are trained to keep her on the board during combat so her ass is super firm, but that's a bit of a downside since it's too firm, kinda hard actually like really hard.

Also she gives me party animal girl vibes, that doesn't affect anything just thought I'd mention it.

Elm: Have you seen how tall and beefy that girl is? Now does this affect her backside...mmm...kind of? Her ass is just and, I mean just muscle which is bad because no cushioning.

But her thighs tho mm~mm delicious.

Yang : Yang is all about her upper body, she's proud of her tits and her arms, she is Miss "punch first ask later" after all, so i can actually see her skipping some leg days, like Reese her booty is alot of muscle but not so much cushion, sorry Yang.

Arslan : Like Yang, Arslan is all about working out and honing her body to peak physical fighting ability, however, this girl has genetics on her side, her tits aren't as big as Yang’s however, she make up for having a tentsy little bit of cushion for the pushin' not really enough to be B TIER though.

B TIER Aka Now were gettin' good

Penny Ver.2 : Penny Version 1 was pure metal (at least in my headcanon) so she was all legs no butt, however, Penny Version 2 (again in my headcanon) had synthetic skin, now I'm not saying Pietro is some weird pervert giving his child a fat ass, but he was "generous" which was inaccurate as...

Penny (human) : Penny as a human never had the chance to exercise [fuck you RT (T-T)], so her booty was a little lacking but it was still bigger and rounder than her robot body.

Ruby: Now you and I both know that with all the sweets Ruby eats she isn't exactly thin, good thing though is all the fat goes to her ass, Ruby has that fatty y'all!

Neo : I'm sure people will question this one but, Neo's height is a detrement on her ass, since she's so short her ass has to be proportional to her actual height, so for women her height she has so much ass but compared to the others in this list it isn't as much.

Coco: Coco takes care of her fashion and her body. She does squats often and keeps a balance between fat and firmness. Unfortunately genetics gave her a cute face but not a phat ass, sorry queen.

Summer: Same as Ruby except she has that MILFY boost to her hips and booty (she also has bigger tits but, oh well this isn't the Titty Tier list so...).

Winter : Training for the military helped null the taint of Jacques DNA in her, so she took a bit more of her mother’s blessed genes, her ass isn't exactly impressive like the girls in A TIER but it's nothing to scoff at either, unlike her sister (sorry Weissey).

Miltiades "Miltia" : both sisters wear heels, however, Miltia has bigger boobs than her twin while Mel has a bigger booty, still wearing heels and being as acrobatic as they both are requires a lot of lower body training, and also since they work at a club as security they do know how to seduce people, and that did affected their rating.

A TIER Aka Nearly perfectly fuckable

Harriet : Now to be one hundred percent honest Harriet has more thighs than ass, however, with her focus on speed and the training she does, she must have a nice fuckable ass, not the biggest or roundest but really, really nice.

Melanie: Both sisters are guards for Junior's club, but, I like to think that Mel also works as a Stripper or Lap dancer (Hooker if you got enough to buy her services and have a dick big enough, she's a bit of a size queen), so she worked on making her already fat ass even better and also took the time to hone her sex appeal, those being her twerking and lapdancing.

Velvet : Bunny gal has some phat Bunny Buns if ya catch my meaning, like go back to volume 3 and get a good look at her costume, girl's got hips and ass like she was bred for it!

Willow: Have you seen her in the newest volumes?? She has a chance (admittedly small) against the legendary bellabooties Gahtdayum!

Too bad she wasted it with a nearly sterile fucking shit pile of a human like Jacques, ugh... (How he managed to have 3 children baffles me, must've taken half the world’s supply of Viagra)

[Side note our favorite Schnee femboy took after his mom, if he was on the list he'd be just below Harriet hehe].

A+ TIER Candidates for the Bubble Booty Brigade (BBB)

Glynda : Glynda is a professional huntress, she is a teacher and she's decked out in dominatrix gear, can I make it any clearer?

Salem : Salem is the original MILF, the thiccest witch of remnant , and also, she has magic and is technically a monster girl sooo... that gives her extra points (who would've guessed I like monster girls hehe).

The next entry might be blasphemous for some and for that I apologize but...

Blake and Kali : I'm sorry kitties, even though the belabooties are know world wide they are not yet in the BBB. Blake has the firmer booty because of her time in the Fang but Kali has the MILF bonus.

Because of their similarities and their diferences they tie for top of A+ tier.

S TIER The BUBBLE BOOTY BRIGADE

The three heavenly asses of remnant, only three girl stand a top the mountain of the perfect Bubble Booty and they are in order...

May Zedong : May has been depicted by the fandom as being really curvy, especially the cow udders she calls breasts, however she hides her curves under her clothes. The same applies to the fucking badonk she hides in her baggy pants, so much so in fact, that May should be number two of the BBB but because she's so shy about her body she's demoted to number three, still, being a member of the Brigade is a blesing of itself.

Emerald Sustrai : As stated in the previous entry Em should be number three, but because May is so shy and Emerald isn't they swaped places. Em is number two because of one singular thing, she knows her ass is her best atribute, and she fucking flaunts it, she knows she can make men and futas pitch tents, and make women stare like horndogs just by walking past them. Not only that, but she wear clothes that accentuate her ass from short shorts to miniskirts, she knows how to make anyone undeserving cream themselves just by swaying her hips a little and winking. Her seduction skills boosted her above everyone else except one.

NORA VALKYRIE THE ONE TRUE BUBBLE BOOTY OF REMNANT

Every single step a jiggle, every single jump or tiny hop and the world stops to stare, every time she passes by jaws hit the floor, every man woman and futa either wants Nora or wants to be Nora.

Nora's voluptuous cheeks are legendary and the worst part of it all is: She does know the effect she has on people, and she gives zero shits about it.

Because no one is worthy of her divine ass cheeks, except for two men: Jaune Arc and Lie Ren.

She's found her studs the ones who care for her, love her, give her the world AND the ones who have huge bitch breaking cocks to fuck her into the sheets like rutting animals.Every.Single.Night.

Every day of her life is one big teasing session for her studs, she purposefully wear skirts just short enough to see the glorious bounce, she always finds excuses to bend over, she sits on their laps as often as possible.

Just so she can have the mind blowing three ways she has every night.

All hail Booty Queen Nora Valkyrie.

Now everyone thank you for being patient this was something i spent a few days writing (like 3-4 days) and I only wrote this for that time so I hope y'all like it.

Some chacters are missing I know, but I really am comfortable with how it is now.

As always this SHOULD NOT AFFECT YOUR WRITING.

This was a thought experiment of mine, and like I always say in this sort of thing WRITE HOW YOU WANT TO WRITE I hope this was clear.

Thanks for reading and please if you so desire share it with friends.

But for now see ya!

58 notes · View notes

whimperwoods · 3 years ago

Text

The Goblin and the Giant

Ok so I saw this post by @pleasancies and holy cow?? I love it?? So here, have the biggest whumpee and the tiniest caretaker (she said and then immediately whumped them the other way around a little bit, but like... just wait for it, it’s there):

Venk’s entire body was on edge, thrumming with adrenaline. This was the worst part of being a scout, or maybe the best. Whatever was crashing around out here in the woods was big, and for a while earlier, at least, it had been getting closer to camp. He needed to get to it, get information, and get back in time for everyone to get ready, or to run.

He darted between trees, staying in the shadows where the moonlight didn’t reach, light and silent on his feet, and with a firm grip on his spear that only mostly made him feel safer.

When he saw the thing, it took him a minute to work out what it was.

It was a foot, on the end of a leg, attached to a hip, and then to a body he could barely see, it was so high up. The foot, wrapped in an enormous roll of cloth, swung through the air and then landed on its tiptoes. It was a giant. And it was sneaking.

He wasn’t sure if that was a good sign or a bad one.

For about a minute and a half, he scrambled alongside the giant’s slow, careful steps that crunched branches underfoot and nearly shook the ground, realizing as he did so that the giant was moving parallel to the camp, keeping a distance instead of coming closer.

Then, Venk got distracted, too absorbed in watching the enormous feet swinging overhead to spot the wasp’s nest in the ground until his own foot was in it.

He yelped at the first stings, too surprised to keep it in, and the giant seemed startled, too, the feet leaping backward away from the noise and coming down hard enough to shake the ground and make the wasps even angrier.

Venk pulled his foot out of the nest and scrambled instinctively up a large rock nearby to get away, cursing vociferously when the wasps flew up with him, continuing to sting.

An enormous hand reached down and grabbed Venk by the back of his ratty leather armor, lifting him up toward the giant’s face.

“Oh no,” the giant boomed, clearly trying to whisper to him.

Venk was still being stung, but that was suddenly much less important. He growled, baring his teeth, and brandished his spear in the direction of the face. “Put me down! Put me down, or I’ll put your eye out!”

“Oh! Ouch! There’s uhhh - there’s stingy things down there. Let me - uh - uh - over here.”

The giant held him at arm’s reach, took several long, hurried strides toward a nearby clearing, definitely shaking the ground this time, and set Venk back down on top of another large rock, about 400 feet from where they’d started.

Venk brandished his spear again and was surprised to see the giant shrinking away from him, one arm up in front of his face as if to protect himself from something.

Venk turned quickly to look behind himself, but saw no one. He looked back at the giant, raising his spear higher again. “Stay back!” he ordered, “What are you doing here?”

The giant had grey, stony skin, and was both thinner and narrower than most giants Venk had seen before - though, he supposed, he’d only ever seen the other ones at a distance, so perhaps he just didn’t know how to judge.

“Please don’t hurt me!” the giant said, “The master says I have to get into those ruins over there,” his huge hand pointed in the direction of Venk’s camp, and the ruins behind it they were supposed to explore in the morning. “He sent me to bring something back for him, but then I saw your camp, and I - I promise I was trying to go around!”

“What kind of something?” Venk asked, curious in spite of himself.

“It’s, um - it’s some kind of sphere, I think. It’s very magic. He said I’d know it because it was very magic and if I wanted to be sure not to disappoint him, I could just bring everything that seems magic. I - I don’t mean to - to - it’s -”

The giant’s voice started faltering, and his shoulders shrunk inward, his enormous arms coming up around his middle as he hugged himself, wilting visibly in front of Venk’s eyes.

The goblin glanced back over his shoulder one more time, verifying that it was really just the two of them, and then sighed, lowering his spear.

As frightened as the giant seemed to be of him, there was no way he could do any real damage. Not when he knew he was knee-high to the giant at best, with a spear the giant could have perhaps held as a pencil, but not as a spear.

“Can you come down here so I can talk to you?” he asked, putting the spear down and raising his empty hands. “I promise not to stab your eyes out. Just don’t grab me again.”

“Oh!” The giant’s eyes widened, and then it was falling to its knees next to his rock, so fast that the stone underneath Venk shook a little.

Even on his knees, the giant loomed over Venk and his two-foot rock, but he seemed to realize it pretty quickly and fell backward onto his butt with another shuddering crash. Then he pulled in on himself again, as if he were trying to be as small as possible, which didn’t actually do much to put him at Venk’s height, but did make Venk feel a confused tangle of emotions.

Now that he was closer to the giant’s head, he could see a huge, nasty-looking collar around his neck, black leather studded through with small metal lightning bolt shapes. Above and below the collar radiated several overlapping sets of electrical scars, like the giant had been struck by lightning a dozen times. He winced sympathetically.

“Alright,” Venk said, trying not to squander the giant’s apparent intimidation before he figured out he could probably crush Venk between his palms in a single motion. “It seems like maybe this is a time when we ought to just make a deal. That sound good?”

“I - I don’t think I can. I have to give the master what he wants.” The giant was - shaking? He pulled even farther in on himself, bringing his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. Venk couldn’t see the collar anymore, but he could see scars crisscrossing the giant’s shins.

“Why?” Venk asked, “What kind of master have you got, that you’re that scared?”

The giant shook his head. “I can’t. I can’t, if he found out I told his name -” he looked half-panicked, his breathing getting quicker, “I can’t!”

Venk held his hands up in front of him, trying to calm the giant down. “Whoa! Hey, no. No names. You don’t tell me your master’s name, I won’t tell you my clan’s name, everybody’s happy. I’m guessing he’s some kind of mage or demon or devil or something, if he wants his name safe?”

The giant nodded, but didn’t indicate which one.

“What’s he want the orb for, anyway?”

The giant shrugged one huge shoulder.

“See, that’s gonna be kind of a problem. My clan’s got this whole thing with the orb. We’re camped there to go find it, ‘cause we’ve got this whole underground war going with a bunch of kobolds and it’s supposed to get us a dragon on our side or something, and even if I was going to let you go around past our camp, which I’m not sure the others would be thrilled about, I get the feeling our shaman’s gonna say we’ve gotta kill you before we let you take the orb.”

Venk adjusted his stance as he was talking, ready to leap backward off the rock and away from a blow if he needed to, but instead the giant wailed.

“Whoa, hey!” Venk said, patting at the air between them as if it would help, “Hey, calm down, you’ve gotta be quiet, there’s worse around here than wasps.”

The giant was weeping, and that was - huh. That was something else, too.

“I d-don’t wanna die!” he blubbered.

Venk took a deep breath, trying to calm himself before he spoke again. “Hey, buddy, it’s alright. I didn’t say we would kill you, just that I figure that’s what the shaman would say. Maybe we take the orb, we do whatever magical mumbo-jumbo gets us a dragon long enough for it to tell those kobolds to fuck off and give us our caves back, and then we let you have it. I’m just saying we gotta be clever about it, is all.”

The giant shook his head fiercely. “No, my master will know. My master will know I wasted time. I shouldn’t even have gone around I - I don’t want to kill anyone, but I have to make it back, I -” he reached up around his neck, wrapping his hand over the collar, “I have to make it back with what he wants, I - I have to please him.”

Venk felt a stab of something through his heart and sighed again, sliding carefully off the rock and landing on his less swollen foot. He was an idiot, and he was about to die for it, but at least none of the rest of the clan was around to see it. They’d probably assume he’d done something heroic when they found the pulpy mess of his body out here. Probably.

He stepped up to the giant’s side and patted his huge ankle. “Hey, it’s alright. It’s alright, I don’t want you to kill anyone, either. You gotta calm down. We can figure this out.”

We can figure this out. As if he even knew what “this” was. The giant’s sobs grew a little softer, though. Venk patted his ankle again. “There, there.”

“I shouldn’t have talked to you,” the giant said miserably, starting to pull himself together, “Master always says it’s my own fault things are so awful and upsetting, ‘cause I don’t kill people fast enough. And now I’ll be sad even if I do kill you fast enough, which I don’t even want to do.”

Venk looked up at the huge figure. This close, he could tell that the scars along the giant’s shins were burn scars, like he’d been standing in fire. The lightning scars on his chest and face weren’t really visible at this angle, but there were a couple of small but deep bruises dotting his ribs, black against the stony grey of the rest of the his skin.

“Ok, buddy,” he said, making a decision even as he spoke. “Let’s take a step back. Let’s take a step back from the orb. What’s up with you and that master? He got anything on you, or is it just that collar up there?”

The giant shook his head and said nothing.

“I won’t tell. Not a soul. Just between you and me. I just need to know what I’m dealing with here. Gotta get all the options on the table, you know? And then once we’ve looked at the table, it’s all between you and me still, alright?”

“It - it’s mostly the collar,” the giant said, voice so faint it actually came across as a whisper this time.

“Well, then we’ll get it off you, and then you don’t have to kill anybody. How’s that sound?”

The giant shook his head again, vehemently, wrapping his hands around the collar again. “No! It’s locked. It’s locked, and it’s got traps! It’ll shock me and it’ll shock you, and then he’ll know, and then -” Venk could hear the giant starting to cry again, “And then he’ll know!”

Venk breathed deeply again, trying to center himself. “Ok. Ok. That’s - good to have on the table. You’re gonna be ok, buddy.” He patted the giant’s ankle again.

As the giant continued to sniffle and snort and try to get ahold of himself, Venk breathed deeply and tried to think. How serious was he? How dumb was this? He bit his lip and kept patting the giant’s ankle, weighing the dangers to himself, the giant, and the clan.

Finally, he stepped forward and leapt up to tug at the giant’s sleeve. “Hey, buddy. One more idea, ok? One more idea. We’re gonna take another step back. I’ve got this amulet,” he lifted it out from under the collar of his armor, “And it dispells one spell a day. Only the best of our scouts have ‘em, so you’re lucky it was me that found you, but they’re made to get us out of a tricky spot. If I turn the spell off and pick the lock myself, are you gonna get hurt? Or just me?”

“But what if he finds out?” the quiet hiss was still louder than a whisper, but Venk appreciated the attempt.

“Then you tell him I did it. You tell him a tree fell on you and I came across you before you could get out from under and I thought maybe if I took off that collar I could be your master, only then it zapped me and I died and you’re still a good boy following directions, or whatever.”

“What if it does kill you?”

“Then you tell my clan to get back underground before your master gets here, and you go on forward to the ruins like you were going to anyway. I’ll write a note for them.”

The giant shook his head. “I can’t escape.”

Venk looked around and, finding no body part particularly convenient for grabbing, leapt up to tug at the giant’s sleeve again. “Give me your hand.”

The hand that came to rest on the ground beside him was too big to hold, but he wrapped his hands seriously around the giant’s thumb, trying not to think too much about babies and their hands, just now. “I promise, I can do this. And if I can’t, you weren’t gonna get away before, either. But if I can, then you can get away when you couldn’t before. That’s worth a try, right?”

The giant bit his lip, but didn’t immediately say no.

“What’s your name, friend?” Venk asked, “Mine’s Venk. I can promise you by name, if you want.”

This time, the giant’s eyes widened. “F-Falgh, Sir.”

Sir. Huh. “Falgh, I promise, if you let me try to take that collar off, I’ll be as careful as I can and I’ll give you the best shot I know how to give. Ok?”

Falgh closed his eyes, but then nodded, once, quickly.

Venk took a deep breath and nodded back. “Alright. Let’s try it. Bend forward so I can stand on the top of your back and get at that latch.”

Clambering up a living being was an odd feeling, even one that was lying on its stomach, but Falgh helped, clearly trying to flatten his back as much as he could under Venk’s feet.

The amulet flashed with a soft light and a pleasant heat, and then Venk set to work with a set of thieves tools, wishing he had more practice on things that weren’t manacles.

Then the lock clicked audibly, and both their bodies tensed immediately, but nothing happened.

“There we go,” Venk whispered, “I think I’ve got it. Let me try to open it.” The mechanism that closed the collar was more clamp than buckle, clearly designed for medium-sized hands, which sent a little half-shiver through Venk’s spine to think about. Falgh wasn’t medium-sized, either.

He held his breath as he pried open the clasp, and then - the collar fell free.

He almost fell over as Falgh let out a great, heaving sigh of relief, tension draining from his muscles. “Whoa!”

The giant froze again. “Sorry.”

Venk bent down and patted the giant’s back, beside where he was standing, “It’s ok, bud. I get it.” He wasn’t sure he did, but it seemed like the thing to say.

Falgh nodded, seriously, which also jarred Venk a little bit, and he hurried to scramble back off the giant’s back.

As he settled back onto the ground by the giant’s face, Falgh looked at him with big, soft grey eyes, and whispered, “Are you my master now? Or was that just for pretend, if it didn’t work?”

One answer to that question was clearly more interesting than the other, but he knew he could never give it, even as it crossed his mind.

He placed a small hand on Falgh’s huge cheek. “It was just for pretend, Falgh. I don’t mind if you come with me, though. I’m sure you’d be a great help in the ruins. Or you can go somewhere and hide. I’d understand that, too.”

Falgh’s eyes were dark, serious as they gazed into his own. “Are you sure you wouldn’t mind? I’m -” his eyes darted away, “I’m not convenient. Or sneaky. Or very good at things”

Venk raised an eyebrow. “Think you’d be good at carrying me back to camp? My one foot’s pretty bad. Dunno how much you feel wasp stings, but I feel ‘em kind of a lot, just now.”

Falgh’s eyes widened, darting back to Venk’s face. “Oh! Yeah, I can do that! If you want.” He bit his lip. “Will the - will the shaman still want to kill me?”

Venk smiled, patting Falgh’s cheek again. “Not if you’re with me, buddy. Not if you’re with me.”

#whump #fantasy whump #giant whumpee #tiny caretaker #d&d whump #bc i DO a LITTLE bit cheat at worldbuilding lol #coersion tw #collars tw #wasps tw #I doubt I'll write more of this bc I dont' need another series to work on #but it was super super fun to do so thanks again for the inspo!!#also to be most clear Venk's voice sounds like an old-timey cowboy in that not-quite-a-southern-accent-but-almost kind of gunslingery way #in case that was not coming across or was coming across just as casual/informal

26 notes · View notes