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epic-sorcerer · 4 years ago

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Merlin would have been so much more gay if the writers stayed true to Celtic paganism(the historicaly accurate “old religion”)

Trigger warnings:

Main triggers: talk of sex, homophobia, religion, Catholics, colonization, anti Celtic, murder

Mention triggers: rape and sexual assault, creepy men, gore, insest, toxic masculinity

I will mark the sections with quick triggers with 2 red lines. Below the second one is when the trigger is gone.

_____________

I am posting this on December 21st, as today is the Winter Solstice, a Celtic Pagan holiday. It will be posted at 3:33 PM, as 3 is a sacred number among the celts. Because of the special occasion, I will be speaking on a subject that was important to many of them—homosexuality.

Some stuff first for introductions. Yes, yes, I know this may be boring but it helps with context. This religion didn’t have a name other than Celtic pagan or Celtic religion bc it seams everyone there believed it. This was until the Roman Empire concurred what is now the UK. Since Rome had adopted Christianity—more specifically, Roman Catholocism—they only allowed that religion to be practiced.

———(genocide)——

Once England was concurred in 43 A.D, the pagans were killed and their religion was surpressed. Not much is known about the pagans for this reason. However, we do know somethings from what the Romans have written down. Although, it is biased, as they believed the celts to be barbaric and also didn’t wright much about women.

——gore ——

First, we know they preformed human sacrifice on kings when the kingdom suffered along with some other groups.This could be from bad ruling to really bad weather. These kings died horribly, as they seamed to be stabbed multiple times, had thier nipples cut off, and left to die in a bog.

They had thier nipples cut off because the subjects would suck on the kings’ nipples to demonstrate submission, so cutting them off would fully dethrone the king.

—————

Now, background over. Here’s where it gets good.

Nipple sucking between too lovers or ‘special friends’ was seen as a preclemation of love, physical intimacy, and sexual expression. This, like other types of sex, was seen as something beutiful and sacred. Often, male soldiers would have these ‘special friend’ relationships with many fellow soldiers in groups. The Romans even observed that Celtic men seamed to prefer other males for love/sexual interest over women.

Nipple sucking was mostly described was between two men. Although, we must recognize that women may have been left out of written history. I would also like to point out, this may prove that aromantic people existed in that time, as these ‘special friends’ had sex and were not mentioned to be romantically involved.

The celts were known for their sex positivity and even eroticism because they loved it so much.This is one of the reasons why the pagans and the Chatholics clashed so badly.

Before the Romans really took over, Saint Patrick—yes, the Saint Patrick—started to try to convert the celts into Roman catholosim. He was appalled at the wide acceptance of polyamory(women were aloud to marry however many people they wanted) and homosexual relationships/marriages. Not to mention the celts could have sex with any one at any time as long as it is consensual.

——(Tw creepy men)——

That means no waiting til marriage, unless a Celtic chose to do so. Although we should take into consideration a statement made by Diodorus Siculus, an antient Greek historian, that “the young men will offer themselves to strangers and are insulted if the offer is refused.” In his series Bibliotheca historica. This could mean that either creepy men were comman place, or that homosexuality was so comman and done with everyone, it was wierd to be rejected.

————

Getting back to the Roman Catholics, the book Sextus Empiricus is published in the early 3th century and states,

“...amongst the Persians it is the habit to indulge in intercourse with males, but amongst the Romans it is forbidden by law to do so...”

It also goes on to say,

“...amongst us sodomy is regarded as shameful or rather illegal, but by the Germanic they say, it is not looked on as shameful but as a customary thing.”

For clarification, Germany is apart of Celtic society. So what we can infer is a very serious culture shock in terms of Rome and other places. During Emporor Serverus Alexander’s reign, openly homosexuals were deported.

In early 4th century, Emporor Constaine—the first Christian Roman Emperor—destroyed an Egyptian temple populated exclusively by femme, gay, pagan, priests. The Emproror then went on to eradicate all of them. However in 337 A.D., 3 emperors ruled, including Constantius II and Constans I, who where both in mlm relationships.

An odd thing these emporors went on to do was criminalize male bottoming during mlw sex 342 A.D.. 8 years later, Emperors Valentinian II, Theodosius I, and Arcadius ferther punished this act by killing these men by Public burning at the stake.

———(Tw toxic masculinity)———

I believe this was because masculinity was very important and a man acting in a more feminine role was seen as emasculating and humiliating. For the average man, he had to fight and defend his masculinity. Not doing so was seen as a personal failure.

——————

The last ever known peice of European literature containing a positive representation of homosexuality for 1,000 years was a large epic poem by Nonnus of Panopolis. It was titled Dionysiaca and the first part was published in 390 A.D., the last in 405 A.D..

So yeah, The catholics were very selective in terms of sex. One can only imagine how badly the celts and Catholics clashed. Back to 435 A. D., Saint Patrick began to preach Catholism and around that time wrote in his Confessio. He recounted that he found a boat to get out of Ireland and refused to suck on the nipples of those aboard.

“And on the same day that I arrived, the ship was setting out from the place, and I said that I had the wherewithal to sail with them; and the steersman was displeased and replied in anger, sharply: ‘By no means attempt to go with us.’ Hearing this I left them to go to the hut where I was staying, and on the way I began to pray, and before the prayer was finished I heard one of them shouting loudly after me: ‘Come quickly because the men are calling you.’ And immediately I went back to them and they started to say to me: ‘Come, because we are admitting you out of good faith; make friendship with us in any way you wish.’ (And so, on that day, I refused to suck the breasts of these men from fear of God, but nevertheless I had hopes that they would come to faith in Jesus Christ, because they were barbarians.) And for this I continued with them, and forthwith we put to sea.”

—(Tw very mild rape/sex assault mention—

So, as you can see, Celtic and Catholic ways clashed horribly. Something seen as good and sacred to the indigenous tribes was seen as barbaric and sinful to Saint Patrick. Also, don’t worry, the celts did not press the issue ferther, or else this would be a very different story.

—————

This only snowballed into a much bigger issue much later in medival English sexuality. They were VERY picky on what sex was aloud. Missionary was the only aloud position and it has to be the least pleasurable as possible. Making out and masturbation wasn’t aloud either, as that was also seen as a sin. Here’s a low Rez chart to help figure out when sex was okay.

While we are discussing such a queer topic, I would like to bring up the topic of Anam Cara, or Soul Friends in Antient Celtic culture. A Soul Friend was a word used to describe a Philosophy in which one is not completely whole without thier “other half.” This person can be in a platonic, romantic, or familiar kind of love. Really, all it boils down to is that 2 poeple were made to be together since the beginning of time and will be at thier strongest when they become companions.

There is a Celtic legend that seams to depict a mlm Anam Cara relationship. It tells the story of Cuchulainn and Ferdiad, two male worriors who have known and loved each other a long time. But they must kill each other in a duel. Both are vary reluctant, as at least one of them will have to die.

————(Tw insest)———

Before I go on, it is important to mention there is a lot of debate on wether or not this is homosexual. Mainly because they were foster brothers, but since insest wasn’t as much of a taboo, I do not think this would be as much of a set back as it is today.

—————

They had tried to kill each other each day for 3 days, but they ended up hugging each other and kissing 3 times. On the fourth day, however, Cuchulainn killed Ferdiad. The man then holds Ferdiad in his arms and sings peoms for a long time. Here are some:

“We were heart-companions once,

We were comrades in the woods,

We were men that shared a bed

When we slept the heavy sleep

After hard and weary fights.

Into many lands, so strange,

And side by side we sallied forth

And we ranged the woodlands through,When with Scathach we learned arms!”

Heart companions seams to be similar or the same as soul freind, because of how it’s used. Although sleeping in the same bed isn’t inherently sexual, Cuchulainn then goes on to complement Ferdiad’s physical features.

“Dear to me thy noble blush,

Dear thy comely, perfect form;

Dear thine eye, blue-grey and clear,

Dear thy wisdom and thy speech”

Although this is deeply sweet I would also like to caution that Chuhulainn may have simply been commenting on his healthiness, but blush is an odd word considering he is now dead.

Two male lovers, one dead in the other’s arms. Soul friends, maybe. Reminds me of a certain show..I don’t know I just can’t put my finger on it...

I would also like to point out that because Celtics did not pressure others to have sex, and that a soul friend can be any type of love, I do think that an asexual or someone on that spectrum could live without judgment.Unfortunately, I could not find much about intersex, androgynous, or trans people. Perhaps if I find anything in the future and will make a new post.

In conclusion, if Merlin were more historicaly accurate, he definitely would have been queer. Especially because he is said to be magic itself, it would make sense for him to be the personification of Celtic values. That may include homosexuality, because as previously stated, Celtic men really liked other men.

I’m excited to see what will come of this post, seeing as not a lot of people in the fandom seem to know this. More fanfiction? More fanart? It would probably inspire a lot of creators. So, if you do make something because of this post, please notify me in the notes, an ask, an @ or something. Basically anything but a PM. I would be happy to see/read the creation.

Sources:

Sexuality and love in Celtic society:

Same Sex Celts

Druid Thoughts: of Sex and Druids

Anam Cara, what’s a soul mate?

Sexuality in Ancient Ireland

The Celts, Women, and Sex

LGBT history

Sexuality and love in Medival Society:

Getting down and medival: the sex lives of the Middle Ages

Sex in the Middle Ages

Here’s What Sex Was Like In Medieval Times. It’ll Make You Feel Glad You Weren’t Born Back Then!

General Celtic Society:

Who Were the Celts

Celtic Religion and Belieifs

Saint Patrick

17 Things You Probably Didnt know about Saint Patrick

Confession of Saint Patrick

Cuchulainn and Ferdiad

Cuchulainn and Ferdiad, Gay Lovers?

The Combat of Ferdiad and Cuchulain

Insest in Antient Celtic Society

Ancient Irish elite practiced incest, new genetic data from Neolithic tomb shows

Homosexuality in the Roman Empire

Timeline of LGBT history

Timeline of LGBT history in the United Kingdom

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crossbows-and-moonshine · 6 years ago

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Anam Cara (Chapter 17 -last one)

(Chapter 1) (Chapter 2) (Chapter 3) (Chapter 4)

(Chapter 5) (Chapter 6) (Chapter 7) (Chapter 8)

(Chapter 9) (Chapter 10) (Chapter 11) (Chapter 12)

(Chapter 13) (Chapter 14) (Chapter 15) (Chapter 16)

This is it guys, the last one. I really wanted to get this one finished since it has been so long, but a sequel might be in the near future. I have to get some of my other shit finished first. I hope you enjoy this, this was my first ever multi-chapter fic and I feel a little emotional that it's come to a close, or a temporary one anyway.

Thank you for joining me on this journey.

---------------------------------

The next couple of days seemed to fly by, and before she knew it, the boys were heading out and she was nervous. The boys had been in game mode all day, talking over their plan and sorting their weapons out. Luna was a bit disturbed, she hadn't dreamt the night before at all, which was unusual for her. She always dreamt of something, and she wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. At least she didn't have any premonitions of the boys being shot, that was the one comforting thing. She had watched them leave with a heavy heart, missing them already, and she decided to go down to the bar and spend some time with Doc to kill some time. Waiting for them to return was always the worst part.

She had been down there for a few hours, chatting to the old man until it was time to close up. She made her way back up the stairs and when she opened the door, the first thing she felt was a cold gust of air. She closed the door behind her, looking around confused, and then she saw the window to the fire escape open, the wind blowing the curtain about. She felt a knot in her stomach and she swallowed thickly, was it the boys? She was worried they were injured if they had to come up the fire escape.

“Guys? Are you here?” She called out warily, making her way to the bedroom. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the word ‘whore’ painting in large letters on the wall, and if she wasn't mistaken it looked like blood. She spun around to flee the room, only to run into something.

She fell on her ass and she looked up, coming face to face with the man that wanted her dead, gun in hand.

“Miss me beautiful?” He smirked darkly. She scrambled to her feet as her fight or flight kicked in but he seized her hair, pressing the gun to her temple and making her body freeze in response, tears falling down her cheeks.

“Those boys of yours aren't very clever are they? We drew them out just so we could get to you.” He sneered in her ear as he dragged her into the living area. Her heart stopped when she saw four more guys, they were all wearing masks like the others who had shot at her and Romeo. She couldn't find it in herself to speak, she was too scared, confronted with all these guys with guns, she knew this wasn't going to end well for her. Something hard came down and hit her head and everything went black.

When she came to, she was tied to a chair, her heart was pounding and her whole body ached, she noticed blood on her jeans and it seemed like the guys had beat the shit out of her after they knocked her out. Wonderful. She blinked slowly, trying to stop the throbbing in her head and the main guy came over, crouching in front of her with a sinister grin.

“Glad you’re awake. The boys will be on their way right about now, I made sure to leave them a note telling them all the delightful shit we want to do to you. I have to say, I am surprised. When I found out you were shacking up with The Saints, well this was too good to pass up.” He laughed gleefully, making her eyes widen as she shook her head. It was a trap, the boys were being led to their deaths. She wanted to say something, to beg or plead, but she knew it would do no good. It was then she also noticed she had duct tape over her mouth. The panic in her body only rocketed it up as she tried to tug on her binds, it was no use though, they were so tight it felt like they were drawing blood.

Her whole body was on fire and was throbbing and the pain in her head was making her feel weak, her head lolled to the side for a moment, but when she heard the door burst open, she looked up, only to see the horrified faces of the twins and Romeo.

“Let her the fuck go!” Murphy roared, gun drawn like the other boys as he glared at the man in question who was stood behind her. The other men in the room stood tense, guns pointed at the twins in a standoff and Luna tried her hardest not to cry, it wouldn't help the boys emotions any to see her that way. She could see the boys' eyes scanning the room, assessing the situation and they were definitely outnumbered. Their eyes came to settle on her, beaten and bound to a chair and she saw the murderous rage spark up behind the two sets of blue eyes.

“Anyone makes a move and the bitch gets shot!” One of the men shouted out, pointing his gun right at her from across the room. The boys stiffened up, their guns did not waver through as they glared at the asshole who dared to threaten her.

“Now now boys, let's just have a friendly chat yeah?” The main guy smirked, moving from behind Luna as he stepped nearer the boys.

“This…” He said as he gestured to the frightened girl. “Well this is your fault really. When I found out she was with you two, I just couldn't let her go. Killing four birds with one stone right? I’m getting paid a fuck tonne for this.” He cackled, making the boys bristle.

Luna wasn't sure who shot first, but all she knew was her chair blew back as a searing hot pain spread from the center of her chest. She lay on the floor, still bound to the chair as she gasped for air, breathing was suddenly very fucking hard. Her hearing seemed to fade out a little but she could hear a flurry of gunshots and shouting. Her body started to feel colder as she started to bleed out and it occurred to her that this was it for her, this wasn't something that could be fixed with a few stitches. She heard her name being called out and the anguished cries of the brothers and she blinked slowly, suddenly the boys were by her side, one of them ripping the duct tape off her mouth, the pair of them sobbing and shaking their heads as they tried to talk to her, but she couldn't hear them anymore. Connor pushed his hand over the wound to try and stem the bleeding as he shouted something to someone, but the blood oozed through his fingers. Murphy took her face in his hands and she couldn't hear him but it looked like he was begging with her for something, tears streaming down his face.

“I love you.” She wheezed softly, her eyes fluttering shut as darkness consumed her. Suddenly everything went bright, a white light that was everywhere and all around her, and she felt like she was falling fast. She gasped as she sat up, she was sat in a field with long grass and flowers. She scrambled to her feet as she looked around frantically, glancing down at herself. No gunshot wound to be found and a white dress.

“No! No, no no!” She yelled, her head whipping around trying to find some sort of way out, but the field was never-ending. She was dead, she couldn't be fucking dead. She couldn't leave the boys like that.

She jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder and she spun around, coming face to face with her sister. Luna dove at her, wrapping her arms around her tightly as she sobbed. When she pulled away, her sister gave her a sympathetic smile.

“You have two choices Luna.” Solis said softly, wiping her sister's tears away.

“What?” Luna asked confused as she sniffled.

“You can stay dead, the boys will have to grieve the loss of you, shoulder the weight of the blame they feel.” She explained, making Luna look at her even more puzzled.

“What's the other choice?” She asked hesitantly, it didn't sound very appealing to her. She knew the boys would blame themselves for what had happened to her and she didn't want that for them. She didn't want them to be consumed by grief and guilt.

“You can go back and redo it. Go back to before you were mugged, change your fate.” Solia said giving her a pointed look.

“But that means I never met the boys.” Luna whispered brokenly, looking at her sister as the realisation dawned on her. Her choices were to let the boys suffer or to go back and never meet them and suffer herself.

“I’ll do it, I’ll go back.” She said firmly, determination setting her ablaze. She would much rather be in pain than have the boys be in pain, and if that's what it took, then so be it.

“You’ll keep your memories of your time together, but to the boys, they won't know you exist out of their dreams again.” Solis warned carefully, taking her sisters hands and squeezing them.

“I don't care, I’ll do it.” Luna insisted, making her sister nod. Solis took her in her arms again, the pair of them hugged for a moment before she moved away, she leant forward and pressed a kiss onto her sister's forehead.

Luna jerked awake, head whipping around as she noticed she was in the library, she had fallen asleep. She remembered this well, it was the day she got mugged. She wasn't imagining it, she really had been sent back. She glanced to the clock and saw it was 11pm and she grabbed the things, in an hour she would be mugged and stabbed and the boys would find her. She needed to leave now. She fled the library and took another route home, getting to her apartment safely. When she shut the door, a heartbroken sob left her lips and she slid down the door. The pain in her chest was overwhelming, remembering everything she had been through with the boys. She could still hear their anguished cries and it was the only reassurance she made the right choice. They didn't have to suffer, she would shoulder the pain and carry it herself and the boys could go on as normal, without that grief of losing her.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Lunas heels were loud as they clicked on the floor, the noise echoing in the small hallway she was being led down. She was dressed up, a pencil skirt and shirt, her hair was twisted up in some sort of bun with a few pieces framing her face and she had glasses on that she didn't need, she had to pass as a lawyer after all. When she had the premonition of the boys getting arrested, she was panicked, but she didn't have a way of getting hold of them. She had gone to the pub, but they weren't there. There was nothing she could do about it. She wasn't surprised when she read it in the paper then, but she had a plan ready now. In the time she had since she came back to now, she had prepared herself in case the need ever came up, and she was glad now. Maybe this was why she was brought back, to help them get out of here. She had used some connections she had made to get her fake documents, making her out to be a top-notch lawyer so she could go in and speak to the boys.

She was nervous honestly, she hadn't seen them since what happened and she knew it would cause a whirlwind of emotions inside of her, they wouldn't remember any of it. The only thing she could cling to was the fact she knew they dreamt of her, they would recognise her from their dreams and she hoped with that, they would listen to her and actually trust her. She was led into the small private visitation room and her breathing hitched when she saw the boys sat side by side, shackled for her safety apparently, she almost laughed. They turned to look at her in unison and she swallowed the lump forming in her throat as she saw their eyes widen, glancing to each other in shock.

She walked over, sitting down in front of them, looking them over.

“Hello boys, I’m Luna Johnson, your new lawyer.” She smiled politely, willing away the tears that were stinging her eyes. The boys just blinked at her dumbly for a moment.

“Sílim go bhfuil mé dÚsachtach go hoifigiúil, ní féidir léi seo a bheith (I think I've officially gone insane, this can’t be her).” Murphy muttered, still staring at the girl bewildered. Luna suppressed a snort, she knew learning Irish would come in handy, especially now when she needed to talk to the boys without anyone else knowing what she was saying.

“Táim, agus cuirfidh an méid atá le rá agam dÚsachtach orm, ach tá súil agam go bhfuil meas agam ortsa le blianta anuas, go dtuigfidh tú nach bhfuil a leithéid de rud ann. (I am, and what I'm about to say will make me look crazy, but I trust since you've been dreaming of me for years, you'll appreciate there's no such thing as a coincidence.)” She said seriously, making the boys looked stunned for a moment. They exchanged a meaningful glance before they looked back to her intrigued. They weren't sure how she knew that bit of information but she wasn't wrong.

The boys nodded at her letting her know to continue and she took the glasses off, looking at them one at a time, she was feeling the raw ache in her chest and the boys could see she looked like she was struggling with something.

“Bhuail muid le chéile roimhe seo. Bhí mé ag mugged, stabbed, agus shábháil tú dhá dom. Tá mé ag brionglóideach libh an t-am seo ar fad. Tháinig muid i ngrá, agus an triúr againn. Agus ansin ... tháinig an fear a sháigh mé ar ais é, chuir sé mise i gceart romhat. (We've met before. I was mugged, stabbed, and you two saved me. I've been dreaming of you too this whole time. We ended up falling in love, the three of us. And then...the guy who stabbed me came back, he shot me right in front of you.)” She explained softly, picking at her nails, she was finding it hard to look at them. They glanced to one another, looking skeptical and wary. If it wasn't for the fact this girl had been frequenting their dreams for the longest time, they would have thought she was insane, one of their many crazy fans. But she wasn’t because this was the girl from the dreams, and somehow she had been dreaming of them too and this was all connected.

“Forgive me lass, but I think we’d remember somethin’ like that.” Connor said regretfully, looking at her like he was unsure. She licked her lower lip, glancing at them anxiously. She looked around, noticing the officer on the other side of the room out of earshot and she lowered her voice.

“Look, I know it sounds fucking crazy alright? Just hear me out, if you don't believe me I’ll leave...I died, right in front of you, and the last thing I remember is you two crying and pleading with me. It broke my heart. The next thing I know, I’m in a field and I get told I have a choice. I can either stay dead and you two will suffer with grief and guilt, or I can go back and redo it, which meant I never got to meet you. The only consequence was I keep my memories but you two don’t. And that's what I did, because I couldn't stand the thought of you two being in pain because of me.” She admitted, looking them both in the eye. They were shocked to find nothing but truth there and they tensed a little, it was a lot to take in. This was the lass from their dreams, the one they were convinced wasn't actually real and was just a guardian angel, the one they were in love with regardless of this.

They wanted to reach out, hold her hand, something, anything to comfort the pain that was swimming in the depths of her eyes, but their hands were cuffed to the chairs since they were so apparently dangerous. It felt unreal that she was here, what she was telling them, they were in a relationship and she had been murdered in front of them. They knew better than to question things like this, they had experiences with unexplained things before, and knew it was God's work. For some reason God had given their girl a choice to redo things, to change the way things turned out. Maybe it was for this very moment, to help them escape the confines of this hell hole and continue their work. They weren't sure, all they did know was, they believed her, and seeing their angel in the flesh, it ignited a fire inside of their soul.

“Well then love, what now?” Murphy asked as a wide grin split his face, making relief flood her body that they believed her, she knew how insane it sounded.

“Noon tomorrow, be ready.” With that, she gave them a sly smirk and stood up, sliding the glasses back on, making her look like some sort of hot librarian or something. She gave them one last look before she left the room, the door shutting behind of her.

“Fuckin’ hell, what are the chances?” Connor asked sounding incredulous as he looked at his brother.

“The Lord works in mysterious ways brother.” Murphy grinned at him, the pair of them feeling lighter than they had in years.

#boondock saints #boondock saints fanfic #murphy macmanus #murphy macmanus fanfic #connor macmanus #connor macmanus imagine

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you-get-to-exhale-now-cyrus · 6 years ago

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Cyrus’ Dictionary

1 || 2 || 3 || 4 || 5 || 6 || 7 || 8 || 9 || 10 || 11

Summary: Cyrus has always been good with words; there’s a reason English is his favorite subject. But with TJ, he seems to be at a loss for words. When they get paired up for a summer assignment, Cyrus slowly starts to build a new dictionary. One that involves TJ and everything they do together. Along the way, maybe he’ll find the words to tell him how he feels.

Chapter 11: Anam Cara

Word Count: 3012

Read on AO3

TJ pulled up to where the art gallery was back at the beginning of June. Cyrus had spent the entire ride freaking out that things weren’t going to look good, or that he was going to spill paint all over his clothes and he was never going to be able to get it out.

“Oh please, I’ve seen your sketches, don’t be such a humblebrag,” TJ scoffed, putting the car in park, “if anyone’s gonna suck at this, it’s gonna be me,”

Cyrus gave him a punch to the shoulder. “Yeah, right. Whatever you say,” he mumbled, getting out of the car, “at least it’s not too hot outside,”

“Would your skin burn under the harsh rays, Snow White?” TJ joked, earning a pouty grin from Cyrus.

“How you wound me,” he tutted, shaking his head, “that could have been the final straw of our friendship,”

TJ chuckles, pulling out his phone after a buzz. Amber had sent him a picture of a note on the fridge that he hadn’t seen. It was from his mom, saying that she’d be away for two days for a high school reunion. He smiled, pocketing his phone.

“C’mon, we’re going to be late,” Cyrus whined, grabbing the hem of TJ’s shirt and tugging him along.

“Wow, you might just replace Walker as the most artistic in the gang, huh?” TJ jeered, stumbling as Cyrus dragged him along.

“Shut up, you know you love me for all of my quirks,” Cyrus laughed, letting go of TJ’s shirt and rushing to an easel.

Yeah, I know, TJ thought, picking the easel next to Cyrus.

Their instructor, a man with short white hair, and a top that was speckled in paint of every color, walked them through all their colors and types of brushes. TJ looked utterly lost, unable to retain anything the man had said, while Cyrus followed along with relative ease.

“And remember, there are no mistakes, just happy little accidents,” he said, grabbing a paintbrush from his jar.

“This is some Bob Ross bullshit,” TJ muttered, sifting through his brushes to try and find one that the instructor had picked up.

“Language,” Cyrus sighed, plucking a brush from his jar, and helping TJ find his.

Cyrus had no problem following the teacher, keeping up with him with ease, and enjoying himself along the way. TJ, on the other hand, was starting to regret saying yes to this. He couldn’t keep track of all the colors, using the knife made him nervous, and he didn’t know which brushes to use for which technique.

“This is hopeless,” he groaned, setting his brush down and turning to Cyrus, who was clearly concentrating, evident from the fact that his tongue was sticking out.

“It’s not hopeless,” Cyrus said without looking up until he’d finished his strokes, “let me help,” he offered, setting his brush down and grabbing TJ’s. He took the other boy’s hand and placed it on the brush, guiding him along the process. “Just like. . .that,” he said softly, the emerald green he’d chosen gliding along the bottom edge of the easel. It was the same green as TJ’s eyes, he’d noticed. When the brush stopped moving, TJ looked to Cyrus, finding himself getting lost in every detail about him.

Suddenly someone dropped their jar of brushes, causing the glass to shatter, as well as whatever was happening between Cyrus and TJ. Both boys were startled, jumping apart and returning to their respective paintings. TJ, even the jokester, dipped his brush in the red and pretended to look at it intensely.

“Is there something weird with my brush?” he asked, turning to Cyrus.

Cyrus looked up from his work, squinting and taking a step towards the brush to examine it further. “Hm, I don’t think so,” he mused. TJ moved the brush forward, tapping Cyrus on the nose with a dot of red.

“Whatever you say, Rudolph,” he laughed, putting a hand on his forehead.

Cyrus pouted, reaching up with his hand and swiping off as much paint as he could. Lunging forward, he swiped it on TJ’s cheek, laughing until he couldn’t breathe, proud of his efforts. “Aw, you’re blushing,” he cooed, clapping his hands together.

TJ rolled his eyes, grabbing one of the rags from his collection of supplies and reaching up to wipe the paint off his face. “Touché,” he countered, setting the rag back down, and returning to his painting. They’d missed a few steps in the paint battle, so TJ tried to look around and copy what other people had done. Once he was satisfied with it, he took a step back. It looked kind of like the instructor’s, just not as clean. He took one look at Cyrus’ and groaned.

“I swear to god, Walker’s got a run for his money,” he shook his head, pointing to Cyrus’ easel, “that’s amazing,”

Cyrus ducked his head, trying to dodge the compliment. “It’s alright. I really like yours. It’s different, but in a good way. Unique,”

“You can have it,” TJ said suddenly, taking it off of the easel and handing it to Cyrus, “really,”

“Fine, but you’re keeping mine,” Cyrus said, swapping the paintings, “this is going in my room,”

“Ditto,” TJ beamed, admiring the piece of art in front of him, as well as the painting.

Marty threw the basketball towards the hoop, missing it slightly. Groaning he chased after it, dribbling it back to the free throw line, and when he looked up, he saw Buffy waiting at the entrance, almost hesitating.

“Hey,” Marty said quietly, holding the ball between his arm and his torso.

“I think we should talk about it,” she said abruptly. Leave it to Buffy to ignore small talk and cut to the chase.

“I’d rather not,” Marty deadpanned, dribbling the ball absentmindedly.

Buffy sighed, leaning against the bench. “Look Marty, I don’t hate you or anything like that. iI was surprised. No one’s ever felt like that about me,” she admitted, looking down at her sneakers.

“So now what? We just pretend that never happened and move on?” Marty said, frustrated.

“I know I don’t like expressing my feelings but here we go,” she started, puffing out a breath, “Marty, I like you, like a lot. Being in a relationship with you has given me some of the best moments of my life. But love. . .I don’t really know what that is. Yeah, I love my friends, and I love my parents, but like, love like this? I just, I don’t know what it feels like,” she explained, “sorry,”

“Don’t be,” he said quickly, holding his breath slightly to refrain from crying, “don’t be sorry. Feelings are complicated, I can respect that,”

“I just. . .I don’t want to say something that I’m not totally sure that I mean,” she explained, knitting her hands together.

Marty nodded, smiling weakly. “I know, I get that,”

Buffy smiled softly, giving Marty’s hand a squeeze, “You up for some hoops?” she asked, taking the ball from Marty.

Marty smirked, swiping the ball right back. “Game on,”

Andi sifted through her box of beads, setting aside a small collection of pink and red ones. She wove some of the light pink and deep crimson strands together.

“Knock knock,” Bex said, crouching down and coming into AndiShack, “whatcha up to?”

“Making a bracelet for Amber,” she replied, not looking up from her work.

“Uh oh, another bracelet? Do you want another box?” Bex asked, partially jokingly.

Andi waved her off, tying off the loose ends and admiring her handiwork. “Don’t worry. I’m sure about this one,”

“You guys cleared things up?” Bex asked, looking out through the small evening and admiring the evening.

“I think so. Things with her mom are tough, so we’re trying to keep this on the down low, if you know what I mean,” she explained.

Bex brought two fingers to the corner of her mouth, dragging them across and flicking the imaginary key away. She let herself out, leaving Andi alone. She tied on the beads at the loose ends, and made a few tassels. Smiling at her work, she took it up to her room, planning to give it to Amber when she saw her again.

TJ thought he was dreaming when he heard his phone ringing, but in reality, it really was ringing. Groggily, he reached over and picked it up off his nightstand. It was almost two in the morning and Cyrus was calling him. Either Cyrus was drunk and had no idea what he was doing, or there was actually something the matter. Considering Cyrus didn’t even want to cut a few minutes of class, he doubted it was the former.

“Hello? Cyrus? Is everything okay?” he mustered, voice thick with sleep.

“I can’t sleep,” Cyrus said quickly. Wow, Cyrus sure had a lot more energy at two in the morning than expected. It sounded like he’d just downed a whole gallon of coffee.

“That makes one of us,” he groaned, rubbing his eyes.

“Also I’m outside your house,” he added nonchalantly.

That seemed to perk TJ up, feeling his head spin at the sudden movement. “What?”

“Come outside, please?” Cyrus practically begged, and TJ was almost sure that he was pouting on the other end, “I like talking to you in person more than on the phone,”

TJ sighed, putting on his glasses, getting up and padding down the stairs quietly. “Only because it’s you,” he whispered, not wanting to wake Amber. He ended the phone call, slipping it into his sweatpants pocket, and opened the door slowly. And sure enough, Cyrus was standing outside, rocking back on his heels.

“Any reason you’re here at two in the morning?” TJ yawned, struggling to stay upright.

Cyrus shrugged. “I just. . .couldn’t fall asleep,” he admitted.

TJ nodded. “So you thought to call me?”

Cyrus nodded sheepishly, almost like he was embarrassed to say ‘yes’. Even with the dim porch light, TJ knew that he felt bad for waking him, but he didn’t want Cyrus to feel guilty.

“Don’t feel bad. I know a place we can go. C’mon,” he said, grabbing Cyrus’ hand and leading him into the backyard. The Kippens had a tree house built back when Amber and TJ were little, but it hadn’t been used for a while. TJ had no idea why he didn’t just bring Cyrus inside, but the tree house just seemed like a good idea. Both boys climbed the ladder, blindly reaching for the next rung, before they stumbled into the tree house. TJ tried to push away as many loose leaves as possible into the corners, making room for him and Cyrus. TJ lied down, patting the spot next to him for Cyrus to lie down.

“Penny for your thoughts?” TJ offered, putting his hands behind his head. He looked over at Cyrus, who seemed to be struggling with what to say. “You can tell me anything, you know,”

“You’re gonna think I’m going through some existential crisis,” Cyrus admitted, breathing out shakily. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea; maybe spilling secrets and worries at two in the morning was not one of his most well thought-out plans.

“Try me,” TJ assured him, turning his head to face him.

“Do you ever feel like your life is just. . .meaningless?” he started, “like you go through the same activities, day in and day out, only to go to sleep and wake up the next day and repeat them?”

TJ furrowed his brows. “Not. . .in particular. I don’t really think about things like that. Tend to live in the moment,” he supplied.

Cyrus rolled onto his stomach, propping up his head with his hands and elbows. “I mean, I’m 16, and I haven’t even had my first kiss. . .”

“What about Iris?” TJ jumped in, “didn’t you kiss her?”

“She kissed me,” Cyrus admitted, “fine, first proper kiss, you know, with a boy. I haven’t done anything insane, like jump off a bridge, or-”

“-you wanna jump off a bridge?” TJ cut in again, quirking a brow.

“Not the point,” Cyrus dismissed him, blowing out a breath, “I mean like. . .I feel so small and unimportant. I’ve never done anything radical enough to make an impact on someone’s life and I’m too much of a coward to do that,” he admitted, his lower lip wobbling, “I just feel like, what’s the point, you know?”

TJ snapped up, nearly pulling a muscle in his neck. “Are you kidding me? You’re my favorite person in the world. You are so important to me, that I have no idea what I’d do without you,” TJ promised him, trying to meet his gaze. Even though it was dark, he could tell Cyrus was avoiding looking at him.

Cyrus shook his head, almost smiling. “Sometimes I just feel like I’m invisible, you know? Like nobody would notice if I just,” he paused, wiping away a stray tear, “disappeared tomorrow. Sure, there would be an empty seat in the classrooms, but eventually I’d just fade from other people’s memories. Everything just seems so fleeting and insignificant. Like I’m like one drop in the ocean,”

TJ sat listening to him, his lips slightly parted in shock as he absorbed everything Cyrus had said. He never knew he felt like this; did he even know his best friend at all? He reached out, taking Cyrus’ hands in his.

“Cyrus, I care about you so much, I hope you know that. You have made such an impact on my life, you can’t even begin to comprehend. And when you think lowly of yourself, I feel like I’m breaking,” he admitted giving his hand a squeeze, “you matter to me. You are so important. If you never get around to doing some remarkable thing, that doesn’t mean that you’re not worth remembering,”

Cyrus bit down harshly on his lower lip, giving him a watery smile. “I feel weird saying all of this,” he said through a laugh, “you probably think I’m insane,”

TJ shook his head, giving Cyrus’ hands a pat before removing his own. “I mean,” he shrugged, “occasionally I will, not that often,” he admitted, “I just. . .I don’t want to be forgotten, you know? Like I want to make some sort of impact on the world in my life,”

Cyrus listened, slightly in awe. He’d never really seen this side of TJ, and something told him not many people did, so he felt quite special and honored that TJ was sharing this side of him with Cyrus. “It doesn’t need to be a huge thing, you know. I mean, I know I’ll never forget you,” he whispered, as if almost afraid to say anything. It was rare to see Cyrus like this.

TJ nodded, carding his fingers through his hair. “I know, I know. I try not to think about it that much. Stresses me out,” he said, the two of them settling into a comfortable silence.

“Thanks,” Cyrus said after a pause, “it’s really nice getting to talk to you like this. Like I’m not worried about being judged or ridiculed because. . .it’s you. You’re the one person in my life I can tell anything,”

TJ knew he was blushing, hard. Thank goodness for the dark, he supposed. Cyrus smiled at him, something TJ could make out, even if it was in a black hole. And even in the dim, if not insignificant amount of light, Cyrus could picture TJ’s green eyes, brilliant as ever.

“We’re like soul,” he paused, biting his tongue, “. . .friends,” he finished.

“Huh, soul friends. I kinda like that,” Cyrus smiled, pulling out his phone and squinting at its light, “wouldn’t wanna forget that,” he mumbled, turning it off.

“You should probably be getting back home. Wouldn’t want your parents to worry about you,” TJ said, leaning back on his elbows.

“Actually, they think I’m at Andi’s for a sleepover,” he replied, leaving TJ a bit stunned.

“So are you actually sleeping over at Andi’s?”

Cyrus shrugged. “I took stuff there to make it look like it. And I did plan to sleep over, initially, but then I couldn’t sleep and so I told her I was going out for a little bit to see you. . .and also that I probably wouldn’t come back till morning to get my stuff,” he added cheekily.

“So. . .?” TJ waited for him to finish the sentence, a small smirk growing on his face.

“Can I stay here?” he asked, pouting.

TJ pretended to think it over. “Totally. Do you wanna go inside and I c-”

“-can we stay in here, actually?” Cyrus asked, his voice small and almost hesitant.

“Of course,” TJ assured him, patting his shoulder, “you can lean on me, since I guess sleeping on the wood isn’t that comfortable,” he admitted.

“Thanks,” Cyrus murmured, his head fitting perfectly in the crook of TJ’s next. He felt his stomach dancing, and although he was sleepy, he felt more alive than he’d ever been. He gingerly pulled out his friend and searched:

soul friend

Apparently there was a word for that as well.

anam cara: “soul friend”; a person with whom you can share your deepest thoughts, feelings, and dreams with

Yup, that was TJ. Someone he could tell absolutely anything, and wouldn’t have to worry about being judged or ridiculed. Someone who he depended on for so many things, and also someone who came through whenever he needed him. He supposed this was how Jonah felt about Walker, or Amber about Andi, or Marty about Buffy, but they were different. They were couples; he and TJ. . .they were just a couple of friends. A couple of kids.

TJ was already softly snoring, clearly exhausted. Cyrus shut his eyes, feeling TJ’s steady breathing and gentle heartbeat. It was nice, consistent, rhythmic. Cyrus found that whatever feeling had previously overwhelmed him with energy was now gone, replaced by a sense of calmness and tranquility. It didn’t take long for him to fall asleep, draping an arm over TJ’s chest in the meanwhile.

Tag List: @shortstackofpeaches || @seanna313 || @geekingbeautytx || @heavenlybyers || @ginnychrises|| @wlwandimack || @giocondasstuff || @lemonboytyrus || @adorejrizzle || @swingsetboys || @ifellintotyrushell || @idk-dude-17 || @rbf-lesbian || @marianara-sauce || @kaptainjinxz || @alex-poster-pizz || @quietmarvel || @blueberry-my-hero-macadamia || @broadwayitbitch || @tjsmuffin || @tjthekippen || @idpleasesir || @hi-hello-hey-there || @bingewatchingenthusiast|| @booklove-2 || @illbeyourreasonwhy || @birdiesandflowers || @whistlepunk || @phinallyjackie || @thedampjofangirl || @tyrus4eva || @tj-is-a-lemony-boy || @tj-goodman-bittersweet-boy || @dis-app-oin-tme-nt || @nessarinthegay || @breadisticks || @typewriter-riz || @gobletofash || @bluemuffinboy || @sofuuh || @cheesystars || @tjmuffin || @multifandom-bxitch || @allylovessadie || @hithatsmyname || @tyrusinarush || @tyrus-lookback ||

#andi mack #tyrus #tyrus fic #my fics #cyrus' dictionary #tj kippen #cyrus goodman #wonah #ambi #muffy

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jinfinity-remade · 6 years ago

Text

Anam Cara

« 50 »

Jin has always dreamt of the day he’d meet his soulmate. Jungkook has always hoped it would never happen.

Masterlist

@taellet

They spent all night talking. Discussing the pros and cons of telling Yoongi, focusing a bit too much on the pros. Both dreamt of laughter and gummy smiles and warmth. Warmth in their hands, in their chests, on their lips; the soft breath against their necks where he fit so perfectly. A smile was on Jungkook’s face when he woke up, but Jin didn’t mention it. He preferred to keep it to himself.

Jungkook chose not to mention how he had woken up, a half hour before his eyes opened, to the feeling of soft fingertips on his cheeks, his lips, his hair. He drifted in the nameless comfort between sleep and wake, comfortable in the thought of waking up to this tomorrow with a different set of fingertips as well. It was 11am when they got out of bed finally. It had been a struggle to convince Seokjin to not forcibly take him to class, but there’s a reason Jungkook is very confident in his blowjob skills. Instead they eat some rice and plop down on the couch to mindlessly watch television.

Seokjin is so attuned to Jungkook’s body that he immediately notices how tense he is, the fidgeting and restlessness. He gives him an hour to bring it up himself, though he’s unsurprised when that doesn’t happen.

“What’s wrong, bun?” Seokjin asks, rubbing Jungkook’s arm comfortingly and taking pleasure in how much his body immediately relaxes.

Jungkook takes a deep breath and turns his head to bury his face in Jin’s chest, uncomfortable with how obvious his anxiety probably is on his face.

“What if he says no?”

”Then we’ll go upstairs and cry,” Seokjin sighs. His own thoughts have been the same the entire time he’s been awake. “And we maybe cry the next few days as well. But we have each other, bunny. So we’ll be okay.”

Jungkook nods but it’s obvious to both of them that he’s still feeling anxious. Jin puts his finger on Jungkook’s chin, using it to tilt his head up to look at him. He leans down, pressing their lips together in a slow, soft kiss. The remaining tension in Jungkook’s body bleeds out immediately as he stretches up to chase Jin’s lips when he pulls away. A breathy laugh escapes him, but he indulges him (as if that’s some sort of sacrifice.) They rest their foreheads together, taking comfort in the intimacy.

“Will he be home tonight?” Jungkook asks, a concerned lilt to his voice.

Seokjin hums, nodding. “I told him we were ordering japchae and he knows that I know he’d never turn that down.”

“You’re an evil genius,” he laughs. The Words are on the tip of his tongue but he forces them down. It’s too early. He’s never felt this way for anybody and he wants to be absolutely certain when he finally tells him. They don’t move from the other’s embrace until they have to order the food.

They’re sitting dejectedly on the couch when Yoongi finally gets home at 9 o’clock, two hours after he promised to be. Three servings of dinner are abandoned on the coffee table, untouched and cold. Neither react immediately, a little too lost in their thoughts. A reaction isn’t really necessary, though. Yoongi is leaning against the door he just shut, face bright and barely shining with sweat, eyes wide and lips parted like he does when he’s in disbelief of something.

Once his presence is registered they both turn to look at him in an eerily similar fashion. Immediately upon taking in his expression, Seokjin shoots up from the couch and is in front of Yoongi in seconds. He holds his shoulders, then his face, mouth pursed in worry as he leans down slightly to meet his eye.

“Yoongi, are you okay? What’s wrong?”

He looks up at Seokjin and gives a breathy laugh, replying.

There’s a heavy, suffocating weight on his chest he hasn’t felt since being rejected by Jungkook those weeks ago. He can’t breathe, can’t even hear Yoongi through the blood rushing in his ears. It doesn’t even feel as though he’s in his body, instead feels like he’s floating above himself and watching his heart being crushed by an excited, gummy smile. His body feels like it’s being controlled by someone else, the smile stretching across his face fake but desperately trying to appear genuine. No matter how destroyed he feels, he can’t dampen Yoongi’s mood. It’s clear that he has no knowledge of their plans for the night, nor does it look like he would care anyway.

Yoongi apologizes repeatedly for missing dinner, begs Jin to understand. He nods his head along because, even though he can feel his heart in his stomach, he does understand—far more than anybody else in their group could. Jin finally lets go of Yoongi, movements mechanical as he turns to retreat back to the couch. The living room is empty. Jungkook must have fled the second he heard the words coming out of Yoongi’s mouth. Seokjin wishes he could say the same for himself.

“Is Jungkookie okay? He ran out of here so quickly.” Yoongi asks, peering up the stairs as if to see if Jungkook is still there. He’s not.

“Yeah. He’s not feeling well though.” Seokjin takes a deep breath, desperate to keep Yoongi from noticing that he’s been on the very edge of tears for the past five minutes. He curls up in the armchair, unable to bear the thought of being so close to him—yet so far away.

Yoongi’s brows furrow the slightest bit, but he doesn’t hesitate to sit on the couch and reach forward for the cold japchae. His favorite.

Seokjin clears his throat, picking at the skin of his nail beds distractedly and asks, “So how… Why—what happened? You met- you…”

Yoongi beams, nodding his head enthusiastically.

“My soulmate, hyung. I met my soulmate.”

#bts au #bts social media au #bts social au #kpop social media au #bts smau #002

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ladyseaheart1668 · 6 years ago

Text

Endless Summer Book 4: Daughter of Vaanu (Chapter 25)

Description: Tahira finally comes home

Tagging: @xo-endlessmayhem-xo ; @princesstopgun ; @mysteli

Chapter 25: A Hero Comes Home

Dax

I don't like not being able to monitor my companions on their mission. But my tech can't exactly reach into other realities, and that makes me feel blind and deaf. Luckily, someone else on our side is less impaired.

“So...they're safe?” I ask uncertainly.

Varyyn nods. “Her voice is faint, but I can still hear Alodia. I think Diego must be helping her. She says that everyone has made it safely.”

“...As long as they make it back safely, too,” Sean murmurs. Varyyn reaches over to put a hand on Sean's shoulder.

“I know it is difficult for you, being separated from the one you love.”

“Are you suggesting that it isn't difficult for you?” Sean asks wryly.

“Not in the least. ...But...I have had more time to prepare for a situation like this.”

“What do you mean?” I ask.

Varyyn gestures ruefully at his arms and legs. “Looking like this, I am usually safe enough from prying eyes just being out and about with Diego. Most people assume I am in costume and they don't pay much attention. But that excuse does not hold up when I am subjected to greater scrutiny. ...I must admit that I've spent a long time worrying about what might happen if Diego were to become ill or injured badly enough to need a hospital. ...Trying to accept the idea that I would not be able to sit beside him...”

“...That's...a horrifying thought...” I mumble around a sudden heaviness in my chest. I reach for Poppy's hand. She takes mine and squeezes it.

“Couldn't you use make-up or something?”

“I have considered that. It is probably my best hope. But not especially practical. It would take time to apply, it risks rubbing off...I would do it to be able to be beside my beloved if he needed me. But it would still mean seeing that someone else could be there immediately if he needed help. It is quite a relief to me to have Alodia back, and to be living under the same roof as she.”

“Yeah,” Raj agrees. “You know if Diego were ever in trouble, she'd keep an eye on him until you could get there.”

“The two of them are close,” Rochelle observes. Varyyn nods.

“Like brother and sister.”

“Closer, really,” Sean says. “They were all each other had for years.”

“They're like soulmates in a non-romantic way,” Zahra adds. “Platonic soulmates.”

“Is that a thing?” Craig asks.

“Anam cara,” Quinn murmurs.

“What's that.”

“It's Irish. I went through a big phase when I was a teenager studying Irish myth, history, and culture. Anyway, the phrase means 'soul friend'. It was an old Irish belief that the soul hovered around the body like a halo, and sometimes when two people met, their souls would flow together and merge. If I remember correctly, the phrase could be used either romatically or platonically...”

“Soul friend...” Varyyn repeats thoughtfully. “I like that term.”

“Very fitting,” Aleister agrees.

Silence settles over us. I look back at my monitors. Not that there's any reason at all for me to look at them. But I hate feeling so helpless.

“Varyyn? Are they still okay?”

Varyyn is quiet for a moment. “Her presence is faint, most likely because she is concentrating on Tahira. But she is still there. And if there were any trouble, she would surely let me know.”

Michelle

Eva eases herself onto the crystal altar, cradling Tahira's head on her lap while Grayson moves anxiously between her and his father.

“Are they all right?” he asks. “Are they hurt?”

“I...don't think so...” I frown, looking them over and finding no obvious signs of injury. “But if they were just sleeping, they would have woken up by now.”

“They are sleeping,” Alodia murmurs. “They're dreaming between realities. I think...they're being preserved...”

“Preserved for what?” Eva asks warily. Alodia shakes her head.

“Not for any particular purpose. I think Tahira's parents are...protecting them. Holding them in stasis like Rourke was. Like the guests at The Celestial.”

“That...would make sense,” I concede slowly. “This planet is basically dead. No sources of food, no water...this might be the only way either Tahira or Prescott could have survived this long.”

“So...how do we wake them up?”

“Leave that to me,” Alodia replies. She sits down on the edge of the altar where Tahira sleeps and stretches out a hand to touch her cousin's forehead.

“You gonna try mind-talking?” Jake asks, raising an eyebrow.

“I'm still anlashokk. There's no reason I shouldn't be able to reach her.”

Tahira

The fuschia-tinted world around me comes with a sense of deja-vu. I was disoriented at first, but now I'm almost certain I know where I am. It's the crystals rising out of the landscape that make it click, reminding me of how Mom described the matter that had come through the Prism Gate before me. Prism-based matter.

“I...don't think we're on Earth,” I murmur.

“Agreed,” Marci chirps in my ear. “My global-positioning system doesn't recognize this place. Actually, it can't detect any satellites in range at all. And I have a fairly wide range. Tahira, I think something may be wrong with my vital scan function.”

“Your what?”

“I have a function that monitors your vital signs. Heartrate, sinus rhythm, brain waves, that sort of thing. But something appears to be amiss, because I just woke you up, but according to my brainwave scan, you're still asleep.”

I sigh. “Right now, Marci, I think that's the least of our concerns.”

“What concerns would you place at highest priority?”

“Well, for starters, figuring out where we are. ...I think I have a guess there.”

“Do enlighten me, please.”

“I think...this is the dimension where I was born.”

“Oh, wonderful! ...What does that mean?”

“I don't know exactly. ...You heard what Silas Prescott said, right? Right before we...were consumed?”

“Don't you see, Tahira?” Silas Prescott's own voice sounds in my ear, tinny and distorted, muffled by the rush of air around him. “You're the key to all of this. The Prism Gate's energy wasn't strong enough to send me through to the other side, but with my Liquid Prism and your innate power, we can rip a hole in the very fabric of reality!”

I feel my face slacken with surprise. “Marci, were...were you recording him?”

“I felt it might be useful to be able to reference his words later.”

“But as far as we both knew, we were about to die!”

“Dax didn't program me to capitulate. As long as I am functional, I am programmed to assume I will be indefinitely functional. Therefore, even when death appears imminent, I assume that I will survive.”

I can't help grinning. “You clever, clever girl.”

“Thank you, Tahira,” Marci replies with what I swear is pride in her voice. “But Dax should at least have some credit for designing me this way.”

I feel my smile slipping. “I'll make sure he knows. ...If I ever see him again...”

Just for a moment, I let myself feel afraid, acknowledge the rising tide of panic in my gut. I let it bubble up my chest, into my throat, and then I breathe it out. I'm scared. I acknowledge that I'm scared. But I am not going to let it master me.

“Okay...so...we at least have some idea where we are. I think the next steps are first figuring out what happened to Prescott, and then...figuring out a way out of here.”

“I can help with both of those.”

The voice is new, an unfamiliar mezzo that sounds behind me. I whip around, hoping to cover the spasm of surprise that shoots through my musculature. A young woman is standing behind me, a lithe, pretty blonde with clear blue eyes, dressed in armor that gleams amber under the purple-pink moonlight. She spreads both her hands, showing her empty palms as she approaches me carefully.

“It's okay, Tahira. I'm here to help.”

I scowl, striking a defensive pose. “Who are you and how do you know my name?”

She stops moving toward me, keeping her hands up and her eyes on my face. “My name is Alodia. I'm your cousin.”

“My...what?”

“Your cousin. I'm the daughter of your father's brother. Your biological father.”

I let my stance relax just slightly. “...You look human.”

Her lips quirk upwards with amusement as she looks me up and down. “So do you. And unlike you, I'm actually half-human.”

“...What's...the other half? What...what am I?”

She frowns a little, her hands dropping slowly to her sides. “That's...a little difficult to explain. I don't actually know the name of their—our—race. I don't think there are many left, except in spirit. ...I don't know exactly what kind of physical form they took, either. ...Honestly, I know very little about where our parents came from.” She shifts awkwardly. “Listen...I think detailed explanations might be better over a hot cup of something at home, not here.”

“...Home?”

“On Earth.” She hazards another step in my direction. “Where we belong. ...Tahira, you and I have fought very hard for that world. We have families there. Besides...we can't survive on this dead world for long. The only reason you've survived here as long as you have is because your parents put you in stasis.”

“My...my parents?” I feel my heart lurch as another implication of her words sinks in. “How long have I been here?”

“About ten weeks have passed on Earth.”

“Ten! But...I only just woke up here twenty minutes ago! ...Didn't I?”

“By my calculations, you came around eighteen minutes and thirty-four seconds ago,” Marci clarifies.

“You're not actually awake, though. You're...sort of dreaming.”

“But what about Marci? Marci's an AI. AI's don't dream.”

“Well...probably not. But, she may be connected to your mind somehow, based on the fact that I can hear her, too.”

“That might explain your unusual brainwaves,” Marci concedes.

I let my fighting stance drop entirely. ...I trust this woman. Strange as it may seem, I believe her. I believe every word. Still, something in me is hesitating. She sighs.

“Look...I know it sucks.”

“What sucks?”

“To be told you have to go back to Earth just when you recognize where you are. Just when you've landed on the world where you were born. ...I can introduce you to your parents, but you won't really have time to get to know them.”

Ahh. So that's where the hesitation came from. I had never really worried about my birth parents before. Not until Mom told me the truth about where I'd come from...

“Oh, god...” I feel sickness roiling through my midsection. Mom...I never forgave her...I didn't tell her before I left that I love her... And I've been gone for ten weeks... “I...I have to go home. Mom...”

“She's waiting for you. She knows you're alive. She's waiting for me to bring you home.”

I nod, feeling tears in my eyes. “Take me home then. Take me to my mom.”

She holds out a hand. “Take my hand and close your eyes. Then open them again, and wake up.”

“...It's just that simple?”

“You've got me guiding you. Just keep your hand in mine, and don't let it slip away. Keep hold of it as you open your eyes.”

I nod slowly, taking the offered hand. The moment I close my eyes, I start to feel her hand becoming less solid. I tighten my grip, willing myself to keep ahold of her, to fade as she fades so that neither of us will fade entirely. My head starts to swim, and I'm suddenly glad I have my eyes closed. I feel myself floating. Falling. Tilting backwards. It's a dizzy, weightless sort of feeling, nut still oddly terrifying, like falling in a dream. Except instead of an impact that goes through me like a lightning bolt, I simply find myself suddenly supine, feeling a little bit chilly. I flex my feet experimentally, but I don't let go of the hand in mine. And that's when I feel the pressure on my other hand.

“...Tahira?”

This voice is familiar. I gasp, my eyes flying open before I can stop them. Grayson Prescott is leaning over me, holding my free hand. And he's not the only familiar face.

“...Grayson...? ...Eva?” They smile down at me.

“Welcome back, hero,” Eva quips.

“Are you all right?” Grayson asks anxiously.

“I think so...” I sit up carefully glancing at the familiar and unfamiliar faces around me. “A little groggy. ...Wh-what are you doing here, Grayson? How did you...?”

“I know. I'm not supposed to know that you're Dragonness. ...Your mom told me though, when she learned that there was a way to bring you back.”

“Mom knows, too...?”

“She apparently figured it out a long time ago.”

My heart stirs with affection made strangely heavy with sorrow. “...Of course she did. How could she not have.”

“She would have come with us,” Eva says, “and Kenji and Poppy and Dax. But there were limited doses of the stuff that got us through the Gate, and the Catalysts claimed six doses for themselves.”

“...What's a Catalyst?” I ask lamely. It may be a logical question, but asking it makes me feel like I'm missing something obvious.

“I'm a Catalyst,” Alodia replies. “So are Jake, Diego, Michelle, and Estela.” She points to each figure as she names them. “There are twelve of us all together. You'll meet the others later.”

There is one figure she didn't name, a young man with an eyepatch. I nod to him. “And...who is this?”

“I'm Mike.” He smiles, holding out a hand for me to shake. “I'm not a Catalyst, just an associate of them.”

“And...behind you...” Alodia touches my shoulder gently, capturing my gaze when I turn toward her. She nods significantly over my shoulder. I turn to look and find two faceless ghostly figures standing behind me, one male and one female. Their voices come like a song that echoes in my mind and makes tears spring to my eyes.

“Daughter...”

“...Mom...” I choke on the word. “...Dad...”

“Chyyaus and Vaelphis,” Alodia clarifies softly. “...Your biological parents. My aunt and uncle.”

I swallow hard as my birth mother holds out her hand to me. I can't help but reach back. Almost to my surprise, her hand is solid to the touch, cool and soft.

“Oh god...” My voice is thick, cracking with unshed tears. “There's so much I want to say to you both...so many questions.”

“We know. But...perhaps it would be best if we let your cousin answer them.”

“I may not have all the answers she's looking for,” Alodia protests. “I don't understand everything myself...”

“You know more than you think,” my father replies. “And what you don't know, you will learn on your own when you are meant to learn it.”

Alodia snorts ruefully. “Hoo boy, does that sound familiar.”

“The Endless had her faults, of course.” My father sounds a little amused. A little indulgent. “But she was still...one of us.”

“...Tahira...” Grayson's voice is uncharacteristically small and meek as he interrupts our conversation. “...What are we going to do about my dad?”

For the first time, I glance over and see Silas Prescott stretched out on a crystal altar, just like the one I've just awakened on. He isn't moving, save for the gentle rise and fall of his chest. I swallow hard, shuddering as I remember the moment before the portal tore open, the madness in him, the frightening implications of his words.

“I...don't think it would be right to leave him behind here. But...” I trail off, hesitating a moment before I look over at my cousin. “Alodia, can you...find him? The way you found me?”

“I could try...”

“We...should be prepared for a battle when he comes around. Given his goal, he isn't likely to give up and come quietly...”

“What goal?” Grayson asks softly.

Before I can answer, my mother speaks up. “There is no need to wake him here. He is not in the same state that Tahira was. ...I fear his condition is beyond our help. He has poisoned himself with that wretched liquid.” “But isn't that exactly the sort of thing we should be able to help with?” Alodia protests.

“You can certainly help,” my mother agrees. “...I am sure you recall the night you rejoined your father.”

“Of course. That isn't exactly something that's easily forgotten.”

“What poisons Silas Prescott's body is made from your energy, as you were made from your father's. Take it back, as your father took you back. ...It...will not save him on its own. We have managed to hold his body in stasis, but much of it has been damaged internally. He will need to be healed by humans.”

“Tahira, what are they saying?” Grayson asks anxiously. “I...I can't understand what your parents are saying...”

I find his hand, taking it in both my own. “...It's the Liquid Prism. It's...poisoned him. Alodia can help draw it out of him...I think...but then we have to get him home to get him treated by doctors.”

“That one's a doctor,” Diego remarks, jerking his head at Michelle. “And she has more experience with time crystals than any other doctor in Northbridge.”

“I'm still just a resident,” Michelle cautions. “And I won't know the extent of the damage until I can at least get him to Iris.”

“We should get you all back to the portal before Alodia attempts to draw the toxins out. We can preserve him in stasis until then.”

I relay my father's suggestion to the others.

“How are we going to move him?” Diego wonders. “Not to mention the chest...”

“What chest?” I ask.

“A little treasure chest Alodia's dad left her,” Eva explains, nodding at the half-buried trunk a few yards away. “And as to carrying either Prescott or the trunk, I think you're forgetting that we have Dragonness to help us with that.”

“I'll carry Mr. Prescott,” I say. “Probably better to be careful with him. We don't know how much damage has been done.” I stand carefully as Grayson drifts towards his father's still form. Eva takes my arm. I accept the offered support without questioning it, until she leans in to whisper in my ear.

“Tahira, I know you and Grayson are together, but given everything, are you sure we should bring his father back with us?” She has the common decency to keep her voice low enough that Grayson can't hear, but I can't help scowling at her.

“We probably won't get another chance to save him. Are you really willing to leave him to die alone on an alien planet?”

She raises an eyebrow at me. “Do you really think so highly of me that you expect the good girl answer?”

I meet her gaze steadily. “If you are truly willing to leave Silas Prescott behind, go tell Grayson yourself.”

She purses her lips, rolling her eyes, but not before I see the flicker of alarm across her face. She doesn't answer. It's my turn to raise an eyebrow, which makes her sigh with irritation.

“Oh, stop smirking, hero,” she mutters, shoving me lightly. “Go grab the supervillain, then.”

I join Grayson at his father's side. He helps me get him into position, and then I easily hoist Silas Prescott onto my back. Estela goes to grab one handle of the trunk.

“Someone want to give me a hand here?” she calls. Alodia takes a step in Estela's direction, but Michelle grabs her arm.

“No way, Alodia. No heavy lifting in your condition.” I open my mouth to ask, but then Alodia puts a hand on her abdomen, and I don't need to. There's a small swell in her belly that I hadn't noticed before. And strangely enough, her gleaming armor seems to have been molded for it.

“I gotcha,” Mike offers, and moves to take the other end of the trunk.

For awhile, we proceed in silence, following my parents. Eventually I can't help speaking to them again.

“Mom...Dad...I almost don't want to ask, but...do you think I'll ever see you again?”

“It's nearly impossible to know what the future holds, daughter,” my father answers heavily. “I like to hope that we will.”

“A part of me wants to stay. To not go back yet.”

“It warms me to hear you say so. But this place is not your home. Not anymore. You girls have fought hard for the earth. It is where you both belong, not here on this dead world. That is why we sent you through the Gate. So that you might survive.”

I am quiet as the implications sink in. Survive...a dead world...

“There,” Alodia says, pointing to a shimmering pink orb of energy ahead of us. “There's the rift.”

My mother nods. “You must draw the toxin out of him now, Alodia. It will not harm you or your child. Take the energy back into yourself.”

“I understand.” She stretches out a hand toward the man on my back, laying her fingertips to his temple, and closes her eyes. There is silence for a long moment. Alodia breathes deliberately slow, as if she is trying to keep herself calm, or breathe through something painful. I can't turn my head far enough to make out her expression, so I'm not sure if she's anxious or in pain. After a few minutes, she steps back, letting her hand fall.

“Okay. I think that did it.”

“Then you must hurry back through the Gate,” my father says. “...All that is left for us is to tell you that we love you, daughter. And you, niece. We are so proud of you both. And we hope with everything that remains in us that we will meet again.”

I nod slowly. “...Goodbye, Mom and Dad. ...Thank you. For giving me to Rochelle. You didn't just save my life and give me the chance to grow up. You gave me to someone who loves me with every breath in her body. She was there for me through thick and thin, and I have been so fortunate to have her for my mother...” I trail off. I meant to reassure them that I've been happy and cared for, but somehow it feels callous if my last words to my birth parents end up being in praise of my adoptive mother. “...Even if we can't be together, I know you've both been looking out for me since the day I was born. You gave me to Rochelle when you couldn't care for me yourselves. You found me through the Prism Gate when I couldn't escape Prescott alone. And you've helped my cousin find me and bring me home. I'll never doubt that you love me. Or that I love you both.”

They both drift forward to embrace me. Their transluscent forms are cool to the touch, but there is warmth in the gesture that eases the chill.

“There is no more time for hesitation,” my mother says gently. “We must let you both go now.”

“Come on,” Alodia calls, addressing the whole group. “Everyone together. Let's go home.”

I reluctantly pull away from my parents. Then, before I can change my mind, I press in with the others and rush through the Gate.

The journey home to Northbridge is much like the one that brought me to my birthplace: a quick, disorienting whirlwind of weightlessness and bright light. I find myself inside the clocktower. Then, I am swarmed by bodies and voices. Several pairs of hands take Silas Prescott off my back as Poppy throws her arms around me.

“Tahira! Oh my god! Thank goodness you're safe!”

“Iris! I need a medical scan on him, and one on Alodia.”

“I'm fine, Michelle.”

“I'm not going to believe that until I hear it from Iris.”

“Woah! Alodia, where did you find your armor?!”

“The armor isn't the only thing we found.”

Then, amongst the voices, one makes itself heard above the others.

“Tahira...?” My mother's voice trembles with emotion. “My baby girl...is it really you...?”

“Mom...” I squirm out of Poppy's embrace, push past Kenji and Dax, and throw myself into my mother's waiting arms. I become aware of the knot of tears that has been slowly tightening in my chest since I came awake on the crystal altar. In Rochelle Rogers' arms, my head pressed into my mother's chest, breathing in the familiar scent of the woman who raised me, the knot dissolves, and I soak her shirt with my tears. Not that she notices.

“Oh, baby...sweetie...my baby girl...”

“Mom...” I whimper. Somehow, that little word doesn't feel like enough right now. I don't even care who can hear me. “...Mommy...mommy, I'm so sorry...”

“No, sweetie, no...you don't need to be sorry. I just...I never thought I would see you again....and here you are! Here you are in my arms, my baby...”

“Tahira...” Grayson's voice makes me look up. His face is pale. He looks as helpless and frightened as a little boy. “...My dad...I...I have to take him to a hospital...”

Reality asserts itself over me once more. Silas Prescott needs a doctor's care. But what's going to happen when he suddenly shows up at the hospital after ten weeks missing? He's almost certainly a wanted man after nearly destroying Northbridge. I have no doubt people were killed in his rampage.

“...I should be the one to take him,” I declare reluctantly. “We disappeared together. It will be easier if I just offer an explanation as to where we've been.”

“Ahh...about that...” Jake pipes up nervously. “When you explain where you've been and how you got back, could you leave us and Alodia out of it? We can explain everything later, but for now, suffice to say that we need to keep her under the radar of a certain dangerous someone...”

“That's all the explanation I need for now.” I step away from my mother to put on my mask and gather Prescott's unconscious body into my arms again. I step out onto the balcony and prepare to take flight.

“Wait!” My mother's voice makes me turn back. “When you've done that. When you've taken Silas to the hospital...will you come home? Will you come home to me?”

It's all I can do not to burst into tears again. I offer her a watery smile. “Always, Mom. Always.”

I turn back and look down at the city I was ready to die to protect. I step off the balcony and into the arms of the sky, letting the air support me as I take off again, a single thought running through my head on a loop: I'm home.

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seoulfulcity · 6 years ago

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August 3, 2018: As the Sun Sets - In Banpo

Golden hour is over; we threw our caps in the air during the evening of graduation; now we were watching our final sunsets in Banpo Hangang Park.

Night is falling and our time in Seoul is ending.

안녕하세요,

Friday, August 3, 2018: Water hell!

I was supposed to go do a tour around the Blue House (청와대/Cheong Wa Dae), the official residence of South Korea's president, Moon Jaein, at 2 PM. We were supposed to meet in front of Gyeongbokgung Palace at 1:30, and my plan was to go earlier and tour around the palace, since it's already been six weeks, yet I still needed to visit the most popular tourist spot in Seoul.

I woke up at 11 AM, just in time for Davy's Cheong Wa Dae tour to start, and checked my phone to see how hot it was.

"Feels like 114 degrees".

Well, that was the end of my day. I suppose I could always visit the palace on my next visit in Seoul. If it survived thousands of years, I was certain it will survive just a few years more.

My phone lit up with messages from Kakao Talk.

Our Naengmyeon Homies group chat was living up to its name. Valentino wanted to leave at 11:45 AM as he was still finishing his draft to send to the KUISC director in regards to Minki-hyung (민기형) not getting his certificate for participating in the buddy program. They said that since he missed the Boryeong Mud Festival (he told them he was sick, but we know he went to the booze cruise with us), he lost participation points, therefore rendering him unable to receive a certificate. Of course Minki-hyung (민기형) was very upset, so as a group, we started sending the KUISC director emails proving why Minki-hyung (민기형) deserved that certificate and the Best Buddy award that was given during graduation.

Even though Minki-hyung (민기형) didn't win Best Buddy award, the whole auditorium knew how popular and special he is to our group since we were the only ones to cheer for him every time his face showed up on the KUISC highlights video.

Valentino said Cara woke up vomiting but was still willing to get bibim-naengmyeon with us; so, we met up in front of Frontier House and went to the usual naengmyeon place, just by the cheap kimbap restaurant.

During our naengmyeon meal, Cara nonchalantly grabbed the mini trash bin on our table and vomited. Only I and a Korean lady next to us noticed her vomiting. Valentino, who was sitting next to Cara, looked over the table next to her to see the Korean motioning him to check on Cara with her eyes.

After the meal, we decided to mix our credit cards on the table and pick one card to pay the bill with, and I didn't realized I whipped out my Frontier key card; Cara also did the same, but after we left the restaurant, she noticed that she forgot her Frontier key card on the table and she pushed me to ask if they have it on the counter, which they did.

Water hell! Did I just have a déjà vu moment?

On the way back to Frontier, we talked about how much we would miss Sulbing and authentic bingsu in Seoul, so we stopped by Anouk, a bingsu place just next to the Frontier stairs. We got the God of Bingsu for ₩18,000 with green tea, black choco, and red cherry flavors.

While waiting for our bingsu, we started creating memes from last night's drinking videos, such as Joyce saying "water hell" really fast.

We would make terrible memes incorporating "water" and "hell" together so much that Hyungki-hyung (형기형) asked the group chat:

Hyungki-hyung (형기형): wth is water hell

In which Cara corrected him with "water hell is water hell"

Our table erupted in laughter.

Matt also took a picture of the sign in Anouk directing where to get water and attached the word "hell" by it, and also posted a link to an apparent email he sent to the KUISC director in the group chat, just for it to be redirected in a never ending page of "water hell" repeated over and over.

Water hell, right?

We went back to our dorms and I sat on the lounge in the third floor just to cool off and I started realizing how empty it was becoming. It used to be loud and busy, with Ben's music playing in one end of the floor and guys singing across the other end.

Naengmyeon and bingsu left me tired, so I slept through the rest of the afternoon.

I woke up at 7 PM to the group chat in Banpo Hangang Park for the Dokkaebi Night Market (도깨비야시장). We've been talking about going to Dokkaebi Night Market since we saw the posters in Line 6 during the first weeks in KUISC yet nobody had decided when and where to go, since the night market was every weekend in four places: Dongdaemun Design Plaza, Cheonggyecheon Stream (Mojeongyo Bridge-Gwangtonggyo Bridge), Yeouido Hangang Park, and Banpo Hangang Park.

I wanted to go to Yeouido Hangang Park since it's the biggest out of the four and I haven't been to the park and took a picture with the "I Seoul You" sign; but Minki-hyung (민기형) insisted we go to Banpo Hangang Park because he's never been there and it's still as lively even though there's less people than Yeouido Hangang Park. This was going to be our last hangout in Seoul together.

I arrived at Banpo Hangang Park at 9 PM and bought pork tteokbokki and earl gray chocolate latte at Oppa truck with Carolina before heading to the center of the park just next to the Banpo Bridge with her, Matt, Florence, Minki-hyung (민기형), Jordan, Harley, Peter, Darren, Cindy, Angela, Lina, Maite, and Davy. Angela's roommate was kind enough to let us borrow a picnic blanket, so we sat down and played music with Matt's speaker.

Of course, since iKON just released their mini album Continue the day before, I blasted "죽겠다 (Killing Me)" during the night.

After being six weeks in Seoul, I never had the chance to try dakgangjeong (닭강정/sweet and spicy chicken), so I went back to buy a sweet dakgangjeong (닭강정) at Double 8.

Wendelyn joined us after; Valentino and Cara wanted to join with us too, but being too far from Frontier made them not want to go and asked us to meet with us around Anam later instead.

Darren, Angela, Cindy, Harley, Jordan and I went to the opposite side of the bridge to Sebitseom (세빛섬), which are artificial islands with different centers and buildings, such as for arcade games, performing arts, etc.

We took the bus and subway going home, where Davy taught me and Lina some tricks to work the Rubik's cube, although we both did not pick up any new knowledge.

Erin messaged us that she was giving away her remaining 10+ SF9's Sensuous albums from when she bought 40 albums to try and get a fan sign pass to meet the boy group.

When we reached Anam, everybody dispersed but Wendelyn, Florence, Matt, and I headed to McDonald's to meet with Valentino and Cara. Peter volunteered to pick up the box of SF9 albums at CJ International from Erin and kept it in his room until I picked it up later that night. We stopped by the arcade place where Wendelyn was trying to win a white bear plush. There was a guy next to us on the Pokémon claw machine trying to get bulbasaur, which was on the verge of falling. He left to get his money changed and I tried my luck to get the Pokémon plush - which I did.

My first ever claw machine win.

Matt had to drag us out of the arcade place because we were so close to spending a lot of money to get Wendelyn her white bear.

At McDonald's, I had Valentino sign my taegukgi (태극기) since he was leaving in the morning to reunite with his family in Seoul, before leaving for Japan.

They all headed straight to a noraebang (노래방), but I wasn't worried about not going because I would still see them the next day. I went back to my dorm to start packing and picked up the SF9 box from Peter, which included a Blackpink poster and BAP's Ego album. Thanks Erin!

Sophie wanted one copy of the album for each version, while Valentino, Matt, and Cara each wanted one for their own. Carolina asked to keep the remaining albums so she could mail them back home in Brazil.

I finished packing my main luggage within minutes, just for me to finally realize that I needed to buy another one. I was so terrified that I might be charged excess because the main luggage only had souvenirs and extra materials I collected and bought from all the way in Hong Kong two months ago. I really needed to get an extra bag to fit in my clothes.

It was barely 2 AM and everybody was still at the noraebang (노래방) and Lina wanted to meet up with me in front of Frontier so we could head to meet with the group together; but first, she needed to pick up a few things from Maite at the Global House. Maite was leaving in the morning and gave us a Don Q Pasion Puerto Rican rum since she couldn't take it back with her to Puerto Rico.

Sophie. Thai. Jon. Maite. Four gone, more to go.

Lina needed to stack up on the cheap cigarettes in Seoul for her to take home to Singapore, in which she bought a total of 21 packs from two convenience stores. The poor guys working probably had so much questions by the way their eyes reacted when Lina told them to give her 21 packs with her basic Korean skills.

Her biggest worry is getting them through the Singaporean customs since the country places a very expensive tax on cigarettes.

So, Lina and I were on our way to the noraebang (노래방), when we bumped into Darren, who was headed home and invited him to join us.

"I can't. Maybe next time?" he said.

"There will never be a next time," Lina responded. That phrase hit me how close we are to perhaps never seeing each other again.

That was the last time I would ever see Darren.

At the noraebang (노래방), Matt and Cara were screaming love songs, while rocking their head back and forth as if they were hosting a screamo concert. Wendelyn, Valentino, Asra, Salli, Joyce, Florence, and Peter were sitting around Matt and Cara, while drinking soju bottles and Maite's Puerto Rican rum. Salli was so excited to pour everyone a cup of the rum, since, as another Puerto Rican, it was her favorite alcoholic drink.

We all knew that it was going to our last noraebang (노래방) session together, so when we ended our final one with the most iconic song of the last six weeks.

김범수의 "보고 싶다"/Kim Beomsu's "Bogo Shipda/I Miss You".

Matt, Tino, Cara, and Peter hailed a taxi cab to take them back to Frontier House since they were feeling lazy walking back up the Frontier stairs (and the taxi cab was only ₩3,000), while Lina and I walked on the way back. She picked up extra cardboard boxes so she could place her excess luggage in it and ask Florence to mail them to her home in Singapore.

It was four in the morning on Saturday, August 4. I was leaving South Korea the next day.

When I returned to my dorm, Matt messaged us a copy of the email he sent to the KUISC director regarding Minki-hyung (민기형)'s buddy certificate, which showcased how much he went above and beyond his responsibilities to make sure we had the best six weeks to the point that he wasn't even our buddy anymore. He was our friend who had partaken in every single adventure with us in KUISC and outside the program.

Minki-hyung (민기형) welcomed all of us (group 3 or not) into the circle and we really appreciate him immensely.

The group chat became emotional and started reminiscing the funny memories we had created with Minki-hyung (민기형) in the last six weeks. We really hope to reunite with him one day, but until then!

고마워요,

Chris 「크리스」

P.S. The homecoming event for the students who just came back from studying abroad is tomorrow, so I hope to use that event as a means to relive the good times and as a reminder to never forget everyone's contribution to making this year's summer worthwhile.

P.P.S. I hope to finish writing and post the fourth and final blog of the "As the Sun Sets" series, which is the last blog of my entire study abroad adventures within the next few days. I plan to follow up with a few blogs on the homecoming event and some informational blogs regarding the study abroad program.

#abroad #international summer campus #isc #ku #study #summer #korea university #korea #seoul

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tipsycad147 · 3 years ago

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Soul Mates

According to Celtic wisdom, our souls begin their journey together

as one being that becomes broken apart.

Through this, two souls emerge and move on into their journeys.

Throughout time, we unconsciously seek to rejoin our Soul mate;

that which was created as our perfect match.

Between the two Souls, there is a world of understanding that often

does not even need to be shared through spoken word.

Soulmates can even reach a level of psychic communication,

such as identical twins share.

Physical union of the souls reaches heights of awareness

beyond common intimacy.

Sharing each other's bodies becomes exactly that... "Sharing".

Mutual love and satisfaction can be achieved with this mate to your Soul.

Anam Cara is the Celtic word for "Soul Friend",

and throughout our lifetimes we also unconsciously search

for people who are our Anam Cara.Often we find relevant qualities in others that make us feel

an Anam Cara with them.

Truly touching the Soul of another and sharing

allows us to become Anam Cara.

This is a level that can be reached with people you mentor,

revere, need, or enjoy in your life.

Your Soul mate however, reaches beyond the soul sharing of Anam Cara,

and becomes a state of completion between the two Souls.

The search should never be rushed or sought after;

for in desperation you may overlook and rush past

the very Soul that is your match. Don't worry that your life path seems to be leading you astray,

for sometimes that is exactly the place you will find your Soul mate.

Adversity to your Soul can create openings

that allow your Soul mate to find you,

and thus allow the two Souls to join together.

Tumultuous times and periods of adversity often lead to enlightenment,

and new beginnings.

When you meet your soul mate,

this person will have an immediate affect on you.

A Soul Mate is someone who makes your knees go weak

and you will want to catch your breath.

With a single glance they lessen your burden and a smile warms your heart.

You will feel a connection with this person.

They will touch you so deeply on so many levels,

you will want to share your inner most secrets.

Once you have met your Soul Mate your life will never be the same.

The one thing, which makes this unique,

is the sense of a significant spiritual experience.

Normally it is several months, weeks or days before physical intimacy occurs.

But when you meet your Soul Mate something happens.

The pull, the drive to become physically intimate overwhelms

and you will find it happening in the initial meeting.

There's a sense of security with this person.

You knowingly let go of your defences, as an empathic bond is formed.

Unlike other relationships in the past, there will be no game playing or hidden agendas, which plagued you in the past. There is something about the passion that you share with your Soul Mate.

Its breadth goes beyond just "body parts".

For a moment in time you two are the only ones who exist in the universe.

Hearts beat in rhythm as your souls entwine themselves becoming one.

Your personal energies meld

and you feel the flame of creation move through you -

like a wave of the ocean in a tempest.

Soon you begin to lose track of where you begin and your partner ends.

From within the depths of your raw passionate union,

your Soul Mate will know how and where to touch you.

It will be different, intense and more gratifying than lovers of your past.

They will look into your eyes and you will feel your soul open wide.

There is a rush. All the love, all the passion, all the need,

will surge forth from your soul.

At this moment you will know what it means to get lost within someone's eyes.

You will experience a touch you have never felt before

and your passion will rise to new levels.

Your Soul Mate will be able to make love with you in ways

no one else will ever be able to match or be allowed.

Most of us know the basic meaning of the words Soul Mate and some even know the myth...I don't remember the full story but it basically goes that at one time in history, souls were neither male nor female but a combined spirit, completely happy and fulfilled. The part I don't remember is why, but due to someone or thing's jealousy, these souls were split into male and female. After the separation, both parts of the soul realised that they weren't as happy and fulfilled after the separation and so went in search of their other half. This search is repeated over many lifetimes and sometimes

the two halves do not ever find each other.

When they do find each other the result is true love.

~Silver Tigress~

A Sonnet To Thee

For I have loved thee with a love, That knows no bounds nor time; As if for all eternity, Thy soul twas knit to mine.

Before the starlight flickered, Across the azure sky; My heart was searching for thine heart, Thy soul searched there for mine.

Then there as if twas guided, By a gentle loving hand; Our souls were drawn together, As by some greater plan.

Long 'fore my eyes looked into thine, Before I knew thy face; I knew thee in this heart of mine, Across all time and space.

Before thy voice fell on my ear, I heard thee in my soul; A promise there of love to come, Of beauty to behold.

For I have loved thee with a love, That knows no bounds nor time; And for all eternity, My soul is knit to thine.

~Author Unknown~

https://sites.google.com/site/apaganpath/soul-mates

0 notes

agreateryesterday · 5 years ago

Text

Stucky - ABO Fics

Omega!Steve

sweet child of mine

pray for the thunder to pass me by by icoulddothisallday

(Last updated July 11, 2018) *Finished* 8 chapters, One Shot

It had been nine years since Bucky had last seen Steve Rogers. Nine years and he’d mostly lost hope of ever finding his friend again. All he had to hold on was that last night, the scent of Steve’s pre-heat and the warmth of his body. Until Steve abruptly reappears in New York, eight-year-old daughter in tow.

Steve had made himself a promise, when Charlie was born, that he would be honest with her — that he would answer all her inevitable questions.

Anam Cara

The Life and Times of CLUB Members

Stay My Brooklyn Baby

Never Have I Ever (Been This Drunk)

From Dust to Dust and Age to Age by JokerzPrincezz

*Finished* One Shots

"Whether the world was burning or freezing or made of nothing but misery and pain, I remembered your eyes, that won’t ever change, sweetheart." Steve struggles to adjust, living an isolated life to protect what little reason he has to live. Everyone seems to forget that this change, this new body, the fresh horrors he sees at night, aren't seventy years old for him. For Steve, just last year he was a scrawny little Beta with only one friend in the world. For Steve, last week he stormed a concentration camp and saw horrors beyond compare. For Steve, yesterday he had an Alpha and a pack forged in blood and battle. Now he's got a shield and a new form and secret heats. Now he's got fear and isolation and PTSD, now he's got a body he doesn't know what to do with and a mind he can't control. It should come as a surprise to no one that the moment Bucky is revealed to him, he's ready to follow him till the ends of the earth. Where Bucky goes, Steve will always follow, and in return, Bucky will always piece him back together. And, God, Steve has just been living his life in pieces, scraps of humanity and normality just barely masking his never ending fear and loneliness.

CLUB opens in secret in 1925, it's changed locations many a time, and had many patrons and employees come and go through her doors. This is the story of her Fabulous Foursome. A group of remarkable men who support and love each other against all odds.

"Please be well for me, sweet thing, please be good to yourself while I can’t. Please, please, above all else, don’t go where I can’t follow. Stay home, stay there, stay my Brooklyn baby. I promise I’ll return to you soon. Love always, Your Bucky” In 1942 Steve Rogers experiences his second heat during his USO tour. While he sleeps, while he goes deeper into that terrible heat, something unspeakable happens. And his reaction changes his life, changes the way he sees himself. Seventy years later, he tells Sam Wilson the truth of that awful night and finds he must make a choice. Justify his actions and absolve himself of his sins, or spend the rest of his days wallowing in guilt and self-loathing.

The Avengers face down aliens, again, and Tony throws a party, again. The gang decides to play a round of Never Have I Ever, Thor brings that good booze so Steve is officially sloshed. Fun times are had, secrets are revealed. Nat and Steve have more in common than either of them realized.

"But Bucky was no normal man, he was perfection incarnate, carved from the same marble that had shaped Steve Rogers. He may well have been born of Steve’s own rib, pulled from Steve’s own heart. His perfect puzzle piece. His anam cara. Cut of the same cloth, out of dust as one and to dust together again in their end." Steve and Bucky talk about getting mated, their relationship and argue over who deserves whom less. (Spoiler, they're both idiots with self-esteem issues and they're perfect for each other.) The other parts of this series really are required at this point in the story.

Season of all things by Claudia_flies

*Finished* 4 chapters

Steve really isn’t sure about sharing with an Alpha but he is starting to run out of options. There are only six Omega boarding houses in the city and Steve has been kicked out of four of them. Or: A small town a/o/b AU that nobody asked for.

Please, Take Me by sobermeup

*Finished* 10 chapters

If Bucky has to describe Steve’s scent using words that would be logical when speaking to the sense of smell, he’d say things like spring, floral, or meadow. The distinctness of certain smells in Steve’s scent is weaker than it is for other people. The doctors say it’s because of Steve’s underdeveloped body, because of the sicknesses he has been riddled with during puberty. And yet, despite Steve’s anxiety and distaste of his smell, Bucky can’t seem to find something to dislike about his scent. He smells... happy. It also seems that Bucky can’t find the proper olfactory words to describe Steve’s scent. He can’t help but associate emotions with Steve, his scent, and his pretty body.

Welcome Home

Destined by eclecticxdetour

*Finished* One Shots

Reunited after a mission, Bucky shows Steve how much he missed him.

Steve Destines as an Omega and talks about it with Bucky.

no matter the distance, I’m holding your hand by suzukiblu

*Finished* One Shot

“Your body temperature is elevated,” the asset says. “And you stink.” “Of course,” the captain mutters, tilting his head back against the bed. “I make it through every other alpha in the twenty-first century just fine, but five minutes around you sets me off.”

The Daily Grind by notlucy

*Finished* One Shot

In a perfect world, the need to rut and an omega in heat would line up every time. Bucky's world is rarely perfect. Steve puts up with him regardless.

I'll Look After You by Milk_Tea_Fantasy

*Finished* One Shot

When Steve’s in heat, all Bucky wants in the whole wide world is to take care of him.

with his educated eyes, and his head between my thighs

constantly on the cusp of trying to kiss you by spacebuck

*Finished* One Shots

Living with an alpha was usually … difficult. The last alpha he’d shared a building with, some asshole whose name Steve had forgotten almost immediately, had been pushy – scenting the entire building, walking up and down the hallway of Steve’s floor on regular days, let alone when Steve was in heat. After a week of the guy literally scratching at his door, Steve had packed up and left, and the landlady hadn’t blamed him – had even given him back his bond, though she had been entitled to keep it given the circumstances. The worst part had been when they had crossed paths as Steve had been preparing to move out. The alpha had leered at Steve, catcalled and coaxed, puffed up and made his scent that much more potent. Convinced for some reason that Steve would mate him just because of his designation. Fat chance. Steve had held his breath the last time they had been face to face, refused to look at him, thrown the guy’s hand off when he’d tried to stop Steve from leaving. Bucky though? Perfect. Fucking. Gentleman. And it drove Steve nuts.

“Nuh uh, you gotta get up,” Steve murmured, and Bucky grumbled, not moving at all. “Don’t give me that,” Steve chastised, and Bucky ducked his head, tucking back in against Steve’s shoulder. Dealing with Early Morning Bucky was always an exercise in patience, most of all at this time of the year. “Don’t wanna,” Bucky mumbled against his skin, and Steve felt the alpha inhale deeply, before he let it out on a rumbling sigh. “Why’s that, Buck?” “Warm.” Steve snorted at that, taking advantage of the inattention to the rest of his body to turn and face Bucky fully. A warm hand immediately slid down to cup his ass, and Bucky’s nose tucked in against his throat. “I’m sure that’s the only reason,” Steve snorted, wedging a knee between Bucky’s, pressing it against Bucky’s crotch. The hand on his ass shifted, dipping under his boxers to rest against skin, and Steve shook his head. “Nuh uh, you’ll be late for work. Again.” “Don’t care,” was the mumbled response, and Steve thumped a hand against Bucky’s chest lightly.

Give Me Your Love, Baby by KimchiAndPasta

*Finished* 11 chapters

Steve wants to have a baby but Bucky isn't so sure.

the pulse that rages for you

all things will unwind by miraclemoon

*Finished* (Last updated Oct 10, 2017) 4 chapters, 3 chapters

In the midst of a mission, Steve is caught in the middle of an enemy made gas that forces him into heat. AKA, an ABO pwp that no one asked for.

There were many things Steve didn't expect from the 21st century. Even after receiving the serum, when he was no longer bird boned and could actually consider himself healthy, he never exactly imagined himself getting pregnant. AKA, an ABO mpreg fic no one asked for.

Overdue by cuddleslutloki

*Finished* One Shot

Six years after he presents as an omega, Steve goes into heat in the middle of World War 2. The trigger? Sparring with his best friend.

Baby, Can You Dig Your Man by dancinbutterfly

(Last updated March 16, 2018) 28 chapters

After a run in with the Winter Soldier Bucky on the never-ending hunt for HYDRA, Steve goes into heat. Now he's expecting but impending parenthood seems like the least of his worries. Hell, if it were the biggest complication he had, Steve's life would be just swell.

You Are Scent-sational by LightningStriking

*Finished* 15 chapters

Alpha Bucky has spent the last three years in Russia, working hard to become as successful as possible. All in the hopes of winning the heart of his best friend, Omega Steve, upon his return. Yet when Bucky comes home at last he discovers the small, adorable Stevie he left behind has transformed into a giant golden Adonis, and Bucky knows he's going to have to step his game up to have the slightest chance. Commence plan: Woo Steve Rogers Into Falling In Love Before He Realizes What's Happening. Sneakily wearing Steve's clothes so the blond will continually be smelling, and smelling of, the Alpha, sounds like the perfect way to start.

Always by attackmybutt

*Finished* One Shot

Steve never expected to go into heat in the middle of fighting against the Winter Soldier and much less that alpha would help him get through it. - "You are thinking too loud." For a second he feels like laughing. To just let out all his frustrated emotions but he can't when he feels like crying and rolling over to bare his ass and wriggle it in Bucky's direction. Oh yeah, the heat was definitely beginning to sip through his body.

Unchained by LightningStriking

*Finished* 17 chapters

Growing up in ancient Rome where Omegas were nothing more than commodities, Stevanos was captured by the Empire and forced into slavery. Where he became the greatest Omega Gladiator that the nation had ever seen. However, rather than earning his freedom, this instead assured his place as part of an envoy sent to Egypt. But he was not delivering fabulous gifts to the Pharaoh. Instead, Stevanos was the gift. A physically perfect specimen demonstrating the might of Rome, and a pawn that might garner Egypt's goodwill. Pharaoh Bakari, the most powerful man and Alpha in all of Egypt, had little time for offerings from a far off nation. Yet when his eyes fell upon the gorgeous man whose golden hair brought to mind the great sun god Ra himself, Bakari found himself fascinated by the Omega who's body promised the greatest pleasure, and who's eyes promised swift death to any who dare touch him. Stevanos provides a challenge for a Pharaoh who has been denied nothing his entire life. Bakari provides a temptation that might be too great to resist. Caught in a web of desire where they are not simply Pharaoh and slave, or Alpha and Omega, but equals, can they both come out the other side whole?

The Nameless

The Named by dragonspell

*Finished* One Shots

They skitter around him, over him, through him. Ants on a hill. A cuff attaches to his arm, Velcro snapping in place. His other arm is opened up, the wiring and interior circuits poked and prodded. One ant makes a notation on a chart, quickly scribbling and moving on. They have no names. Like him, they are no one. Some would disagree if he said so. Some would grow angry with him. They would try to argue or punish him. In the end, however, he will go back into the ice and nothingness and when he awakes again, they will all be gone, names and faces erased with new ones having taken their place long ago. They will have had no meaning, no impact, no lasting legacy—no name. There is a faint hint in the air, a taste that tempts the edge of his tongue, makes something dead inside of him wish to stir again. He knows that it is due to the ants that scurry around him, but he does not know why. This is their sweetness that coils around him, possessing a distant echo that bids his dead flesh to rise. It is something that he should know, but he does not. (Or, Hydra has kept alpha!Bucky chemically neutered, but they cannot account for omega!Steve. Plays fast and loose with canon.)

Having just come back from his run, Steve looks like a picture in a magazine, T-shirt tight but sweat pants loose, the exercise barely affecting him beyond a slight sheen of sweat on his skin. He’s not even breathing hard, completely photo-ready. Steve’s the reason why Bucky is standing by the kitchen counter at seven in the morning when he would much rather be still in bed. After the first few days, when Steve finally would allow Bucky to be out of his sight for longer than five minutes, Steve had reverted to his set morning routine, slipping out of bed before dawn when all sensible people are still trying to sleep. It had taken Bucky two days to catch on and adapt to the new situation. Now, every morning, though he’s loathe to leave the bed that smells of him and Steve, Bucky rolls himself to his feet about an hour after Steve leaves to ensure that he’s by the door when Steve comes back. If he doesn’t, Steve will head straight for the shower to wash off all of the hard won sweat that Bucky would like to drown himself in. (Or, since being rescued, Bucky's relearning what he's missed. Steve goes into heat. Pretty much complete porn).

In the Jet to Russia by Cryo_Bucky

*Finished* One Shot

Steve goes into heat in the jet on the way to Russia at the end of Civil War.

My Angel by Rogers_Barnes45

*Finished* One Shot

Bucky met Steve when he needed someone the most. He wanted to be loved and cared for. So when the Alpha Dom came along and promised the Omega the world, Steve couldn’t say no. He had a bad past and Bucky wanted to help Steve move on, which is what he did and Steve couldn’t be happier.

it's gotta get easier somehow ('coz, i'm falling, i'm falling) by orphan_account

*Finished* One Shot

Bucky doesn't remember being Steve's alpha. Until he does.

Reassurance by Cryo_Bucky

*Finished* One Shot

Steve is afraid that Bucky doesn't want him anymore now that he's not the skinny little omega that he fell in love with, avoiding him and refusing to eat. Bucky shows him he's wrong.

Comics and Comrades by Pinkfrostdiamond

(Last updated Aug 9, 2019) 6 chapters

A fic about an omega comic book artist with an amazing service dog and an alpha who is head of the Russian Mafia learning to work through their past. Will love win? (Yes because these boys need a happy ending)

Blood and Honey by Claudia_flies

*Finished* 4 chapters

A growl. It makes Steve’s knees turn into jelly and his body clench again. With dawning horror Steve realizes what is about to happen.

Shorteralls by moonythejedi394

*Finished* One Shot

The first time Bucky ever saw Steve Rogers, he was struck by how Neanderthal-like his response was. It was immediately followed by a bout of mental scolding. The second time was just about the same. The third time, it was actually appropriate for Bucky to start a conversation with him, at which point he was determined to be the gentleman. No such luck. Steve Rogers is, always has been and always will be, a relentless flirt. These days, Bucky's Neanderthal-ist feelings about Steve are consensual and highly appreciated. More so now that they're having a baby.

Unsuitable Breeding Stock by sarahyellow

*Finished* 8 chapters

“You fucking son of a bitch!” Steve is spitting out, furious. His face is going red, poor thing, and Bucky feels a twinge of guilt for having smiled. He knows he shouldn’t be encouraging it. “Calm down, sweetheart,” he says. “It’s gonna be okay.” Bucky brings his omega home.

I never knew you... by Harry1981

*Finished* 4 chapters

Alpha, Beta and Omegas are known, but most of the population is made up of Betas. Alpha females are rare and Omega Males even more. But it doesn't really concern Tony Stark, who is a beta and everybody he knows is similar or either Alpha Male or Omega Female. Things become complicated when Steve Rogers, an Omega Male, more commonly known as Captain America, comes out of the ice and take reins of the team known as Avengers. It's not something bad, as per se. Just, why the hell is he obsessed with Tony? Natasha says it is not just him, but Tony knows that Steve Rogers has a special interest in him. What did he do to bear the weight of Mama Rogers, after all?

Anything you need (just knock) by Neonbat, polarRabbit

(Last updated May 4, 2020) 1 chapter

Knocked up, kicked out, and down to his last dollars, Steve moves into a new apartment. His neighbors range from awful to decent, and then there is 108. Bucky lives with his girlfriend Dot, happy(ish), and equipped with a plan. Marriage, eventually kids, all that good stuff. That is until an unmated, pregnant Omega moves in next door and calls all his future plans into question. After a rocky start, the pair form a friendship that gets gossip rippling through the complex. Between secrets, feelings, society, and a pissed off girlfriend, they have heaps of reasons to call it quits and wish each other the best but, that's not what friends are for. Are they?

[insert joke about pipes] by notallbees

*Finished* 2 chapters

Steve doesn't date alphas, or at least he tries not to. With a string of exes hanging around, Steve does the only sensible thing he can: pretends to be dating his hot alpha plumber. Unfortunately, Steve's plan has as many holes as his pipes. And no, that's not a euphemism.

Snowed In by DyslexicSquirrel

*Finished* 4 chapters

At 16, Steve Rogers knew two things: Bucky Barnes was his best friend and that he loved him. At 24, he hadn't talked to Bucky since the day before he moved to Colorado after his mom died and he thought he never would again, even when he moved back to New York City. Except Bucky showed up at his door and Steve ran to his parent's old cabin up state. It was probably a stupid idea to go for a walk when there was a storm threatening--he did it anyway. The last thing he expected when he got stuck in the worst snow storm that year was for Bucky to show up and rescue him, but maybe he should have because the alpha had been saving his ass since Steve was ten.

When the Brooklyn Boys Begin

If you care to know by fullarmorandahotfudgesundae

(Last updated April 26, 2020) *Finished* 11 chapters, One Shot

Steve just wanted to die in peace. An Omega without children, who couldn't have children, living for long after their Alpha was torn from them? Not happening, not even with modern medicine. So, having accepted his fate, why was he suddenly haunted by a hallucination of his dead Alpha? A really firm, tactile, weepy hallucination of his dead Alpha? Maybe he should just roll with it? (Bucky, for his part, just wants to know what the hell is going on and how he and his punk Omega managed to be alive in the twenty-first century. Oh, and also how to stop that little issue of the bond sickness killing his Stevie.)

In the aftermath of the Battle of New York, Tony really just wants to relax with Pepper and his new buddy, Bruce. Given that this is his life, those plans are interrupted by a Soviet-era myth and an unconscious Captain America. Sigh. His life was so hard sometimes.

Sarah by MMXIII

*Finished* One Shot

It's still dark when he blinks awake, early enough that there's no light filtering through at the edges of the windows, no traffic out on the street.

Fuck You... And Your Metal Peg Leg by jaybird6232

(Last updated April 26, 2019) 14 chapters

“Mother fu–!” Steve throws himself to the ground and covers his head, narrowly avoiding the cannon ball that plows through the ship’s wheel, destroying it completely. Steve scrambles to his feet, looking at the remnants of wood and nails with wide eyes, before fearfully turning his head to look at the ship. It’s massive, far bigger than he realized at first, and it clicks instantly in his mind that this has to be the High Captain’s ship. The Captain of the entire Hydra fleet is the one who is on a mission to kill them all. On the other ship, a tall, older man wearing a large topper sends him a smirk, whispering to a few alphas beside him and pointing to Steve. Oh shit, Steve gulps nervously, taking a few cautionary steps backwards and hovering his hand over the dagger secured on his belt. The man sends him a feral smile, nodding his head in Steve’s direction. The alphas next to him disperse, tucking their swords away and climbing the netting on their ship. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.

Always Yours by LilyInTheSnow

(Last updated April 20, 2010) 1 chapter

Steve is in love with his best friend, and the only Alpha he trusts, Bucky. And maybe Steve is an oblivious dumbass that doesn't realize Bucky's in love with him too. Though maybe he should've figured it out when he asked Bucky to donate sperm so he could have a baby and Bucky suggested they date for six months first.

Like Rahab by moonythejedi394

*Finished* 29 chapters

"Brother of Rahab, Father Elliot had called him. As Steve fell asleep, he dreamed of Nazis invading New York and an American spy with Bucky’s face hunting for a safe place to hide…" – intertwined, prelude. On December 7th, 1940, Japanese planes bombed Pearl Harbor. On May 8th, 1944, Nazi troops set foot in New York. On January 10th, 1945, Adolf Hitler was assassinated by a man now gone down in history as Captain America. Unfortunately, Captain America was killed after taking down Hitler, but his successful mission led to the Nazi invasion of the United States turning and the end of World War II. History recounts the legendary shot that took down Hitler, but it will always ponder why Captain America killed Dr. Johann Schmidt with the very next bullet. But before that, long before that, there was first an American sniper who needed a safe place to hide. There was first a prostitute turned spy who would take him in. There was first a strained relationship and a bittersweet reunion to be had, and when it was all over, there was then an escape to take place. After all, who would look for an American hero in Canada?

Be Mine, But Don't Make Me Ask by Apieceofurmind

(Last updated April 18, 2020) 33 chapters

Joseph waits his whole life for the perfect alpha son who will make him proud. The son who follow his father's footsteps and serves their country at war. And then, Steve Rogers is born. He is not strong, tall or muscular. But above all he is not an alpha. Betrayed by his own son, Joseph shuns him away. Enter James Barnes. Tall, muscular and strong. The perfect alpha. When Joseph saves his life on the battlefield, he asks him to marry Steve in return...

SOLDIER, KEEP ON MARCHIN’ ON, COME THRU LIKE THE SWEETENER U R by moonythejedi394

(Last updated April 13, 2019) 9 chapters

When Steve was seven years old, he found a mangey and half-starved cat in the alley behind his and his mother’s apartment building in Navy Hill. Despite being incredibly allergic to the creature, Steve had spent all of his allowance for that month on cat food and he spent the next few weeks nursing the stray back to health. The cat moved on after eventually, but a few months later, Steve found another one and the whole process started all over again. Bucky is another stray cat. Steve has no way of knowing what demons the Alpha carries in his head and he certainly has no way of knowing that Bucky won’t turn hostile on him, but Steve never learned his lesson to stop feeding strays. “This is gonna end badly,” Steve mutters to himself. So, as one does when one makes potentially catastrophic decisions that could and would backfire spectacularly based on how little self-control one has concerning bedraggled and sad-eyed stray cats and Alphas, Steve makes a cup of tea.

Captain America is more Alpha than Ares by LimaBeanie

*Finished* One Shot

The thing is nobody has ever even asked him about his status. Steve dealing with accepting himself and his designation. Alternatively all the times Steve had to come out.

A Scent to Fill the Lungs, A Soul(mate) to Fill the Bond by oceanfoamgreen

*Finished* One Shot

In a world where scenting one’s soulmate means that the onset of one’s first heat or rut is imminent, it is to be certain that meeting one’s soulmate can be extremely stressful. Or In the winter of 1937, Steven Grant Rogers scents his soulmate. In the spring of 1948, James Buchanan Barnes meets his.

I will not bow, I will not break by belovedbookdragon

*Finished* One Shot

Dystopian AU. The world's population fell dangerously low after a virus destroyed most of mankind's reproductive abilities. To combat the shrinking population, the Federation of Northern American States requires all children to be educated at government-run schools until the child presents. Alpha and beta children are sent to the military, omegas are sent to the breeding facilities. Steve and Bucky are separated at 14 and Steve will stop at nothing to get back to Bucky.

With a Love that Won't Sit Still

This Sudden Burst of Sunlight by dragongirlG

*Finished* One Shots

After buying plums from the market, Bucky returns to his apartment in Bucharest to find a small, half-naked Steve huddled on his bed. At first, Bucky thinks it's just a hallucination, but then he smells the honey-sweet slick in the air and comes to a shocking realization: Steve's presenting as an omega in heat, even though he hasn't been an omega in decades due to the supersoldier serum. Drawing on a mishmash of instinct and memory, Bucky takes care of Steve as best he can, trying to give Steve what he needs until Steve can safely be extracted from the situation.

In Bucharest, Steve gets hit with a weapon wielded by Black Panther that strips him of his serum mid-battle, turning him back into an omega and inducing his heat. He seeks out Bucky for help.

The Corset Prince by LeisurelyPanda

(Last updated April 8, 2020) 6 chapters

The year is 1836. James David Henry Buchanan Barnes, called Bucky by close friends and James by family, is an alpha, a soldier without peer, a skilled military commander, and a charmer. He has allies and friends on both sides of the political aisle in both the House of Commons and the House of Lords. By all accounts, he is the favorite to become King when his father dies. There's just one problem. Bucky is the Duke of York, not the Prince of Wales. His brother, known throughout the world as Brock, is the eldest of the King's children. He has all the charm of a feral Doberman. He inherited their father's temper and his overall tendency towards excess. Enter one Steve Rogers, a little known nephew of a new, powerful merchant and innovator recently appointed to the House of Commons, Howard Stark. Steve is young and innocent. His engagement to Prince James is sudden and it sweeps him into a world unlike any he'd ever imagined. The palace, for all the lights, casts many shadows. However, there is more to Steve than anyone suspects, including himself.

in the heat of the moment

on the nose

knot without you by Deisderium

*Finished* One Shots

"His time is upon him," Mrs. Rogers said solemnly. Bucky stared at her, taken aback and not altogether certain what she meant. It kind of sounded like she thought Steve was on the edge of death, but if that had been the case—again—she probably wouldn't have had a smile curving up the corners of her lips. "His heat," Mrs. Rogers said more bluntly. She was a nurse, after all. "Steve has presented as an omega." In which Steve presents very late as an omega. Bucky isn't supposed to go see him, but when has he ever done what he was supposed to do where Steve is concerned?

"Barnes," barked the sergeant, and Bucky jolted out of his thoughts. He strode forward to get his mail and was thrilled to see not only a letter from Becca and another from his ma, but an actual package from Steve. He took his treasures and retreated back to his tent. Inside the package was another bound in butcher paper and string, but much smaller than the shirt. There was a note tucked in the strings of this one too, but it was just a small square of folded paper. The note in the string was much shorter than the letter Steve had sent him with the larger package. It read in its entirety: don't open this unless you're alone. In which Bucky receives a sexy letter from home.

"I have to," Steve said stubbornly, even though Peggy hadn't tried to discourage him, not yet. "You heard Phillips," she said, her voice uncharacteristically gentle. "He's probably dead." "There are a lot of men and women of the 107th who might not be," he said, and then, because she knew him too well: "He's my alpha." "He was." She wasn't trying to be cruel, he knew that; but he slapped a hand to his neck, where the mating bite used to be, and glared at her. "It's all right, Steve. I know a man with a plane.” In which Steve goes to get his man from the Hydra factory, and Bucky discovers that Steve's a little different from the last time he saw him.

Blossom like sunshine, nectar sweet as sin, the devil's drink has me pulled in by moonythejedi394

*Finished* 3 chapters

“Your son was said to be as beautiful as Brooklyn’s sweet apple blossoms,” Barnes said, and his lips lifted in another smile, then his eyes moved and Steve was startled by the intensity of his gaze. Barnes gave pause, long enough that Steve’s heartbeat picked up again. Then he spoke again. “But no blossom could compare,” he said. “Not even the most perfect of untouched flowers.” Steve felt his cheeks heat up; he blushed right to the roots of his hair, pulled back from his face by Wanda’s best braids. Barnes’s gaze somehow intensified even more as his gaze just shifted enough that Steve was sure he saw him blush that far. Barnes’s lip lifted at one corner by a hair. “I’ve never been gladder to have my expectations so far exceeded,” he concluded.

I Just Want a Friend by elliot_edison

*Finished* One Shot

Trapped in an unwanted engagement with an unpleasant alpha twice his age, omega Steve makes a plan to run away with the beta stable boy he befriended. Featuring a dirty-mouthed Steve, shy amnesiac James (spoiler: it’s Bucky). “Why did you—why am I—what do you want from me, sir?” James asked softly, looking down at his gloved hands. “What do I want? I want a fuckin’ friend. I want someone to call me by my name for once, instead of that ‘sir’ or ‘young omega’ bullshit. I want to be treated like a goddamn person instead of an object.” Steve was practically shouting, and then his face twisted sadly. “I just want a fuckin’ friend, James.”

Brambles and Bonfires by Lasenby_Heathcote, StarshipEnterprise

*Finished* One Shot

Bucky is an Alpha gone feral living up in the mountains. Steve is a lost Omega wannabe-hiker. Bucky, a creature of instinct, decides he’ll make the perfect mate to keep and breed, no matter what Steve has to say on the matter.

Back in the day

Making camp by Jokers_Wild

*Finished* One Shot, 2 chapters

Bucky returns home after working after a long day at work, finding Steve all curled up in the nest that they'd made in preparation for the Omega's heat. The Alpha can't help himself, not with how tantalizing Steve looks sprawled out in it and it's just so easy for the Alpha to get the Omega all hot and bothered. It's not his fault if he sets Steve's heat off early, its just something he's particularly good at doing.

Steve has saved his Alpha, they've made it back to camp and now comes the hard part. Talking about the change in their dynamic now that Steve is suddenly larger, stronger, and overall just more than his Alpha would have ever expected the man to be...But that's what you get when you sign up for an experiment to make the best soldier. Shame Bucky hadn't been there to tell Steve what a dumbass he was, he'll just have to do it now and if that leads to some great reunion sex that's fine too.

The last one

Meeting the Children

Another

Little Sister

Loki

Names

Domestic

Baby Stark Doo do by AngelynMoon

*Finished* 5 chapters, 7 chapters, one shot, 2 chapters, 2 chapters, One Shots

Captain America is an Alpha, Steve Rogers has always been an Omega.

In which Bucky Barnes meets his kids. Also known as that fic where Steve adopts the Avengers and Bucky's just along for the ride, as per usual.

In which there is another pregnancy for Steve.

The Avengers and Avengers adjacent meet a little Dream.

In which Steve adopts another kid and Bucky is still just along for the ride.

Bucky starts to remember names.

Tony has some thoughts.

In which Tony announces his and Pepper intentions to have a baby.

Start from the Beginning by omgbubblesomg

*Finished* 4 chapters

What about a sex pollen fic where the pollen-ed one doesn’t remember getting hit in the face with a sex flower, and wakes up midway through the depollenating? Or: the one where Steve wakes up on his back with a stranger buried balls-deep in his ass.

no grave can hold my body down, i’ll crawl home to him by moonythejedi394

*Finished* 6 chapters

1917; James "Bucky" Barnes is born. 1918; Steve Rogers is born. 1936; Bucky Barnes bonds Steve Rogers. 1941; Bucky Barnes is drafted. 1943; Steve Rogers becomes Captain America. 1945; Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers die separately. 1972; the Winter Soldier is recovered by SHIELD. 2011; Captain America is recovered by SHIELD. 2012. The Winter Soldier is asked to care for Captain America during subdrop.

let me hold you close by icoulddothisallday

*Finished* 2 chapters

When Steve went down with the Valkyrie, he'd only just started to wonder if he might be pregnant. But there's no way a baby could have survived 70 years in the ice. Right? (We've all seen the stories where Steve's pregnant when he comes out of the ice, and through the miracles of the serum the baby is Okay. This is the story where the baby is Not Okay, but somehow still Okay.)

Who could ever love a Beast?

Surprise! It's an Omega! by alexisriversong

*Finished* 7 chapters, One Shot

Basically the Beauty and the Beast story with the Marvel characters. Mix between the various versions of the Beauty and the Beast stories out there.

Setting right after the end of the Beauty and the Beast AU, basically, the same plot as the movie but with alpha/omega/beta and the Avengers team. Not really necessary to read the first fic, but in some places might not make sense without reading that first.

For Your Own Good by MoonMated

*Finished* One Shot

Steve has to deal with life-altering consequences after tracking down Bucky.

easy love by moonythejedi394

*Finished* One Shot

In 1918, Joseph and Sarah Rogers welcomed their first and only child into the world. Joseph was the heir to Rogers & Rogers Medical Innovations and a very wealthy man. He had grown up in the high society circles of New York and as a high society man, he conversed with his peers about his son’s future before the boy was even born. With a good friend and business associate, George Barnes of Barnes Telecommunications, he struck a quite reasonable deal. George had one son already and a daughter on the way. His boy had the DNA markers of an Alpha and his daughter would likely be an Omega given their family history. They agreed that, however Joseph’s boy presented later in life, their families would merge with a marriage. Joseph’s son was named Steven Grant and his parents cautiously assumed by his fifth birthday that he would present as an Omega. At 16, he did. At 20, he married James Barnes.

innocence came screaming by moonythejedi394 (Some tentacle porn, but not overly “wierd”)

*Finished* One Shot

There had been no rain since the beginning of spring. The crops were dying. The river, what little freshwater they had on their island, was drying up. The village well was, too. They had made many sacrifices to the Great God of the Deep, and yet, the air remained dry. At last, in final desperation, the priests announced that a sacrifice of greater caliber was needed. “Only the sacrifice of a young, unbred Omega will turn away the Great Old One’s anger,” the high priest said to Steve. “You will honor your people.” Thus, he was left to die in the Great Old One's temple. The Great Old One, however, had other plans for him.

One Step at a Time (Like this?) by peachycinnamon

(Last updated Dec 28, 2020) 3 chapters

Will long lost friends be able to recognize each other? Be able reignite a flame and maybe make it burn into something else? Its their last year, and everyone is going to be faced with some kind of obstacle, the main question is, how will they deal with it?

Warming Up (To You) by Huntress79

*Finished* One Shot

Omega Steve is anything but happy about the week-long “company vacation” Tony has arranged for them all for Christmas, participation mandatory. He is lonely, he forgets to refill his suppressants before the trip, there’s a blizzard heading towards the resort – and on top of that all, he has to share the chalet with none else than his archnemesis, hot Alpha Bucky Barnes.

Compliance (The Knot Fic) by WhiteCeilings

*Finished* 2 chapters

It's not that Steve's alpha is cruel, he just doesn't consider himself his own person.

Of Feasts And Family by stevergrsno (noxlunate)

*Finished* One Shot

“Nothing?” He sounds almost… offended? Steve might not know the dude, but he’s pretty sure this random alpha sounds offended that Steve’s plans for Thanksgiving involve Steve, a frozen pizza, and watching the parade on tv. “That’s what I said,” Steve says, squinting at Sam’s list for a moment before grabbing two bags of marshmallows, “What, you’ve never had a nice boring Thanksgiving home alone with some Digorno?” The man makes a horrified noise and softly repeats Steve, “Home. Alone. Digorno,” in the way that people repeat something when they're expecting it to somehow change. In which Steve Rogers meets Bucky Barnes and somehow spends Thanksgiving with him the next day.

The Soldier's Omega by PandaFey

(Last updated Nov 16, 2020) 2 chapters

Bucky is back, but he's not the same. He doesn't know how to be an alpha or how to treat omegas, but Steve is willing to help teach him. Even if it hurts him in the process.

the Kept Boy

Into the Dark by moonythejedi394, Neutralchaos

*Finished* (Last updated Nov 13, 2019) 25 chapters, 18 chapters

Here is James Barnes, the most dangerous Alpha in New York. Rich, powerful, cocky and short-tempered, his only skill greater than his persuasion or intimidation is his marksmanship. Head of the Seyrbakov crime family, inherited over the heads of the late Aleksei Seyrbakov’s own sons, who he had deported when they attempted to murder him. Top of Interpol and the FBI and the CIA and probably the NSA’s most wanted lists, but there’s never enough evidence to bring even a parking ticket against him, as it has been for New York’s Bratva since the late 1910s. His company smuggles weapons, drugs, alcohol, tobacco, exotic animals, you name it, but you’ll never find a shred of proof. If land barons still existed, then Barnes – owning property in all the five boroughs, the state, the country, even on other continents – would easily be one. When you think of the Russian mafia, you think of Barnes. Here is James Barnes, gracing the scum and lowlifes of Brooklyn with his presence, and here is Steve Rogers, not-so-cheap yet consistently broke hooker, sitting on his lap like he belongs there. Very rapidly, that makes him the most dangerous Omega in New York.

After the traumatic events that marked six months in his and Steve’s relationship, things aren’t the same. There’s a nightlight in every room, set to automatically switch on after sunset. Neither of them can stand the sight of a rat. Bucky can’t go away on business trips and leave Steve behind anymore; he can barely leave his baby home for a day while he goes to work, he brings Steve with him more days than not. Neither of them sleep as much as they used to, and Bucky didn’t even sleep evenly every night before that. But it’s not bad. They have each other. And together, it’s so much easier to brave the things they fear.Starting with going into the dark.

Post: Part 2

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vagabondpainter-blog · 5 years ago

Text

Catching up

It all is so far away now, counted as well in days as in weeks, in kilometers, in miles or in impressions, in encounters and insights, or measured by fruitless attempts to write this blog.

To catch up while still keeping this Text readable, I will shorten things, I will have to be unjust.

The people I met, friends I visited, friends I found, even strangers who gave advice or help before quickly disappearing again along the ever winding road, they all deserved more words of gratitude, the landscapes I've seen, the early morning mists, birdsong, rough hills and gentle streams, they are all worthy of poems, paintings, and some day hopefully I will find the rest to praise them rightly.

And about people, about friends: I will not talk in depth about them here, maybe some of the closest not even talk about at all or just mention briefly. That is because trust and friendship are sacred, I don't want anyone to have to worry about being displayed and evaluated here, or conversations being put on public display. That's why my tale will sound probably egocentric at times. Besides some points I take out of conversations I'm determined to keep this a blog only about the experiences and lessons I came across, to share and hopefully inspire, but leave people their privacy.

So informations about others I'll keep vague and brief except for some relevant points now and then if they are required as context.

For now it's these fragments, learned lessons and impressions:

1] The Kindness Of Strangers

The boat leaves in the late afternoon, yet I'm here already. It wasn't easy to say goodbye to friends. Its the moment when you painfully realize what you leave behind before you find the courage to let things go and to jump into an uncertain future. I'm grateful that there have been friends to be missed, friends waving when I left and many people, places and memories to cherish, so rather say 'Thank you' than 'Good bye'.

Now I'm here, not sure how to store a bicycle on the ferry, what to do and where to go. A fellow cyclist reassures me that everything will be ok and shows how to secure the bicycle before we part and enter the huts.

It is a smooth sailing on calm waters. I take position on the south side and watch, watch how Ijmuiden floats away, see Zandvoort passing in the distance, let memories rise out of the parting waves until much later the last dim reflection of the sun is swallowed by the darkness of the water.

Next morning I watch the sunrise from the front-deck before later slowly the shore of Britain appears on the horizon.

Back in the belly of the ship, bicycle is packed and we wait for permission to get on land. My fellow cyclist is here again and we find out that we worked in the same field, be it in different positions, until lately when I quit my job. Healthcare in general, and psychiatry in particular seems to struggle with the same problems on both sides of the water- lack of resources combined with an abundance of expectations and many self-declared specialists eagerly waiting on the sidelines to tell you how exactly you should do your job. I don't regret my step.

Soon we change the subject, talk about more uplifting things, like freedom, travels, cycling and living life.

I'm glad he offers to accompany me for the first few miles, show me the way and help me get accustomed to cycling on the left side of the road.

While traveling the shore, he realizes that my journey later would take me along the A1, the most dangerous and deadly road of Britain. Plans change and a bit later I find myself in a nice cozy house, greeted by a friendly dog. The family is gathered now, they brought dutch scones and there I am, arrived in Britain, eating dutch bread and being made welcome.. and grateful.

Later they even offer me a lift along the A1 so I can continue my journey quite a few miles north on a safe bicycle path.

Actually- actually I made a promise to myself when I gave up my home- to leave every place I visit a little bit nicer, tidier or kinder then I found it, be it a small bit within my powers only.

Yet here I am, receiving all this kindness and struggling to find a way to give a tiny thing at least.

A small contribution I might be able to make after all- the lady of the house is an artist and I hope to come back and spend some time, exchanging tips and knowledge about painting.

It won't really be able to repay the welcome, they didn't know how much it meant- this first encounter on the new path, a sense of home in the world out there.

2] Of Hunters, Vegans, Spiders, Flies, and Shamans too

For my first working assignment I arrive one or two days late.

The bicycle paths in Britain are made for leisure, not for means of transportation, to get from A to B, you sometimes get sent along the beautiful yet rough and rocky road uphill through E to G.

In the morning my host comes to town to give me a lift uphill so I don't need to climb up to the cottage. We soon find out a difference in lifestyle, that either might lead to conflict or to very interesting talks-

While I myself took up a vow years ago to restrain from eating or even using animal products, he is an outspoken and passionate hunter and skillful hunting guide.

Greeted by a friendly dog and a flock of even friendlier chickens I put up my hammock next to a cottage that has seen many years, some of them hard, now regaining its beauty under its tenants committed work.

Not only the growing vegetables outside provide some common ground to get along, we soon find out, as the Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh once said: “If you wish to be understood, you should listen very carefully”

I put aside any prejudice and get a chance to actually learn- a hunter may just as much care about nature and all life in it as the convinced vegan.. not every hunter of course, some are in it for profit just as some vegans are in it for pride.

Those others, those on both sides who actually do care, more and more appear to me as devoted parents arguing about the best cure for their sick child. Later I will briefly encounter a native American shaman and will have to realize that those revered ancient cultures are hunters too.

And when I rescue a little spider after that the other day, it strikes me, how many other insects I might have sent to certain death by saving this one predator...

In the end it seems that our technological power has by far outgrown our human wisdom and it's estrangement from nature what deceives us to take extreme positions- on one side some are abusing sensible, breathing, childbearing live as if it where an industrial product, which makes us a parasite in the organs of life, while on the other side we might not interfere when necessary and so get complicit in catastrophes out of fear of causing individual harm, which is neglect of our responsibilities as intelligent life form.

Life is sustained by devouring itself in any form. In the complex web of interdependence I will continue to avoid harm, but I also learned to judge less those who are willing to intervene, it's the caring about nature, the respecting of life and the willingness to learn about them, what defines whether our actions are righteous and wise, there is not one answer that fits all circumstances.

3] Anam Cara

The path up north led me through the green hills of a land where all the places sound like echoes of long forgotten songs and ancient tales.

Shelters where ready, arranged by friends of a friend, all without expecting anything in return, just out of kindness, setup in beautiful places, the shore of a river, a comfortable trailer in a wide meadow with view on the distant chain of snowy hills, hosts welcoming the traveler, helping and showing me around, and I had to learn that sometimes all one has to offer in return is humble gratitude.

What a strange and beautiful paradise waits in the hills behind Inverness. Anam Cara is the retreat center I work and paint for here.

Lodges and huts are made of timber, stone, from large barrels and from caravans..

I sometimes get lost on the terrain, nothing here is put in a straight line, everything has grown naturally accordingly to the apparent conditions at the time.

It's a place just like its founders and inhabitants, a marriage of Buddhist Dharma and shamanic teachings, enforcing and helping each other by aiming at the same goal from different angles in perfect eclectic harmony.

4] Of Tunnels and Light

At Scottish Borders it is. We follow the shore along the stream, up in the hills, where a long abandoned railroad left its trail, and a tunnel between the trees.

Here, our kind host and guide tells us, many found an experience of transformation.

On a dark day in his life he decided for the first time to go inside.

With the courage of despair he had entered and faced inside this darkness that other darkness which at the time needed to be released. On the other side of the tunnel the light that welcomed him brought the beginning of the change to the better.

We are glad he 's willing to share the experience and I opt for walking first.

Beforehand it all sounded quite easy, just going inside the darkness alone without light and walking through, blindly, until the eyes capture a dim light from the other side.

Now in front of the big black hole amongst the green I doubt for a moment whether I really want to go in.

Threads of fog, hovering at the entrance, weave a mystical web. A chilly breeze greets me as if it where the breath of the earth.

One of the dogs accompanied me on my first steps towards the huge mouth that will swallow me in a moment, and for some time I have the impression the dog is still with me in the dark. I hear my own footsteps and feel this other presence right behind me. Later I learn the dog left me at the entrance already...

Once the darkness surrounds me completely and I should probably feel lost in the void, a deep calm sense of serene silence comes over me, a trust that whatever happens here, is supposed to be and is just perfect as it is. I wander in the timeless spaciousness, listening to my ever slower footsteps.

There is no hurry, no need anymore to get anywhere. While the feet calmly keep going I suddenly loose all intention to either stay or leave. Everything is just about now and now is exactly, perfectly well as it has to be.

Maybe due to a lack of external input, the sense of self dissolves into the black empty space and only a floating undefined feeling of wideness and joy vibrates on.

The first glimpse of light some time later doesn't seduce me to rush, I could just as well stay here, in this very moment for eternity, yet I keep moving.

Never thought the greens of the trees and the grasses, the gentle mos could look as vibrant and intense as they appear while I leave the tunnel. It rather seems, I'm watching the surroundings steadily passing by, then moving myself.

I enjoy the forest with a joy I haven't known so far- like a child looking at trees and clouds and pebbles for the first time ever. I keep walking and keep looking, perceiving without judgment, without naming, without wanting, only looking, smelling, listening, just sensing the stream of impressions calmly arising and taking course.

And I know that nothing ever will be the same, also know now that nothing ever has been the same before. It's freedom to ride on the stream of ever changing appearances without grasping or rejecting, I heard of that, I knew it, could have said these words any time, yet now the tunnel showed that truth in a way, so that I actually could see it too .

5] What is Home?

Back in the Netherlands, coming home from being home, not sure how and why I would deserve this. It must be a natural human kindness I didn't notice before that strongly. Now when I need it, there are friends to let me stay in their place, people offering shelter without expecting anything. I visit friends, I'm humbled and touched by all generosity, and I suspect I might know now, why in some lineages Buddhist monks are obliged to beg for their food- it's only when you depend on others in a way, that you get a chance to realize that, contrary to what the news might tell, human is in essence a very kind and giving being.

I have, for now, just to practice in gratitude to hopefully some day be able to give back.

6] Cow-dung is not Bullshit

Cycling in Germany is a challenge, most roads are forbidden for cyclists, they send you along long winding tracks and don't care to close a path without alternative.

After days of sweating under threatening thunderclouds, in heat, having my navigation gone with the broken phone, getting lost in unknown places, climbing hills without knowing where I am and how to get on, I arrive, days late again.

Now I work at the Schwäbische Alb, there's a small Village on top of a hill and I live here, take care of the garden and paint the portals, just paint, nothing artsy :) but besides being invited to feel at home and greatly being cared for, its my first real encounter with alternative building and painting materials what makes it extra special to be here.

The paint is the etching, burning, kind of chalk that was used for centuries here, but the main lesson is a little building project inside the large shed, a storage room made from clay and dry cow-dung.

I learn from mistakes and from what went well, getting an idea to – one day, some day, after the journeys – maybe build my own alternative home based on experiences and learning ahead.

7] The naked Truth

One more fragment, one I doubted if it was ok to tell, but decided that it should not matter if people think I'm weird, I'm a fifty years old guy giving up a comfortable stable life to cycle around and work without predictable income, not even a pension-plan. I AM weird probably and as long as no one gets hurt I'm free to be as strange as I choose to be.

It's the evening of a hard and hot day, the sun burned my skin dark red and any sweat from cycling uphill dried quickly without cooling me off. I finally find a great spot to spend the night, near a small town or village, but out in the green, well hidden and comfortable.

Before I rest I need to refill my water-supplies and rehydrate myself, also the new used phone I was lucky to receive, does act up, the batteries run quickly, didn't recharge anymore and I want to give it one more try.

It's good as well, to check the vibes of the area, to know the territory and get familiar with the place.

So instead of getting ready for the night I enter the place for a drink and general recharging in the local pizzeria. I'm the only customer inside. The friendly owner refills the bottles and tries to help me with the phone. After a tough day through the hills in merciless heat I enjoy talking to someone before I get back out into the fields. Yet when I tell about the travels and my new life, he offers me to seek shelter at the small terrace next to the house where the guests sit in daytime. It's right at the fairly busy street, surrounded by houses and I'd like my first shelter more, but there are two good reasons to gratefully except the offer- one, it is an act of kindness and that counts more then comfort, two, I slept in fields and woods, in trailers, tents and under bridges, but never in the open air in the middle of a town.

So I set up my shelter, sleeping bag as isolation and the raintarp as cover on one side tied to the fence, the other attached to the bicycle.

A thin tarp provides the illusion of privacy and I lay down in the noise of passing cars and voices on the street.

Now the overheated body starts boiling and burning, however I move or turn, a layer of inescapable

fire keeps me awake. Everything I wear sticks to the skin. Half asleep and half in fever I guess, I remove it all.

A gentle nightly breeze cools me off and sings me to sleep. While I see the stars through the fence it occurs to me, that whoever would find me here, would think I was drunk or crazy. Laying there amongst all cozy houses, bare and naked, not showered for days, hair and beard growing wildly I have finally become a drifter.

And then the image comes before my minds eye, of me laying there, bare of any sign of social status or role, looking like an abandoned corpse, but there is no shame, no fear, only deep calm peace and freedom.

That takes me back into the tunnel. It's the same sense of serenity, nothing to achieve, nothing to loose, nothing to be done, only being.

I will loose this peace of mind again on several occasions, when the wind stands against me, when I loose direction, when I set up goals, but there are more and more times of this deep relaxing equanimity, the acceptance of whatever might be.

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sohnikaur · 7 years ago

Text

Intimacy vs lust.

Intimacy, is not LUST. Lust, to my mind, is pure evil. It’s basically like rape. DESIRE on the other hand, can be mutual. But here is some prose on it because this frustrates me…

Intimacy is when you ask your partner to braid your hair and you feel the gentle tug of the strands in their hands, which send shivers down your spine. It is not sex, and it is not lust.

Intimacy is when you go shopping together for curtains for your partner’s place, choosing colours that will fit with their couch. That is not sex, and it is not lust.

Intimacy is when you choose a pizza with artichoke hearts so your vegetarian friend who has mostly eaten Indian food can try something new. That’s not sexual, and it’s not lust.

Intimacy is when you drive 6 hours to rescue a stranded partner, re-arranging your life for them. You don’t do that because you want SEX from them, you do it because you CARE, deeply. That’s not sex. That’s not lust.

Intimacy is when, after your partner is seriously injured, you accompany them home, help them undress, and get them to bed…and then leave. That has nothing to do with sex and it is not lust.

Intimacy is also when in the emergency room, your parter suggests you go home & they can arrange a ride or taxi home, you refuse. Go home to do what? Sit and worry about what the outcome is? No, intimacy is staying with them, accompanying them in their pain. It’s not sexual and not lust.

Intimacy is when you have enough care to offer to be an emergency contact at the emergency room for your partner, but still suggest someone else in case you wouldn’t know enough about their beliefs to fully honour and respect them in life-or-death choices. It’s not sex and it’s not lust.

Intimacy is getting together at Tim Hortons for a creamy chocolate chill, on a hot day, and discussing stuff. In public. That’s not sex and it’s not lust!

Intimacy is also when your partner tries very hard to eat something you made for them despite not liking it. When you say “oh it’s ok you don’t have to like everything!”, they reply “no it’s not ok! You made it with love and I wanted to honour that!”. That has nothing to do with sex. Nothing to do with lust.

Intimacy is when your partner chooses a scarf for you based on it having your favourite colours in it, and gifts it to you for your birthday. That is not sex, and it is not lust.

Intimacy is when your partner holds your hand when you are feeling upset. It’s not sex and it’s not lust.

Intimacy is when your partner, who would normally not be seen head uncovered, chooses to answer the door while their hair is drying so you can spend time together. They could have ignored it, but instead allow you to come in and talk. Hold hands, and talk. That is not sex, and it is not lust.

Intimacy is when your partner brings you food they have cooked, or sometimes picked, out of love. This is not sexual and it is not lust.

Intimacy is when your partner feels faint when you get hurt. That’s a real connection. It’s not sex and it’s not lust.

Lastly...intimacy is when you are sore in a place you've never been injured and which has never hurt before...and you can't figure out why. Then all of a sudden you round the corner, and see your partner...and it makes sense. That part of your body is where THEY got injured, when you felt faint, when you took them to hospital...it aches on you similarly to how it must ache on them...THAT is intimacy of a SOUL MATE, an anam cara, but it has nothing to do with lust nor with sex.

You can have intimacy with someone without ever having sex, though often if you’re this connected with someone that ultimately comes up. But having a good connection, two souls who belong together, is not lust.

#lust #what lust is not #intimacy

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crossbows-and-moonshine · 6 years ago

Text

Anam Cara (Chapter 15)

(Chapter 1) (Chapter 2) (Chapter 3) (Chapter 4)

(Chapter 5) (Chapter 6) (Chapter 7) (Chapter 8)

(Chapter 9) (Chapter 10) (Chapter 11) (Chapter 12)

(Chapter 13) (Chapter 14)

Luna and Romeo ended up being out all day. The boys kept calling him to check in and make sure everything was alright, they were worried the girl wouldn't come back. She just needed some space. She had calmed down quite a bit and the retail therapy helped her immensely. She knew she overreacted just a bit, she just didn't like the idea of her being so open with the boys when they were keeping things from her. But it was over and done with now and she just wanted to move past it. Romeo had been a good sport all day, only complaining a handful of times as she went in shop after shop. They ended up eating dinner in a fast food place and he was more than happy about that, but now, a billion shops later, they were finally on their way back. She had two bags of shopping with her and Romeo was carrying four more, she had gotten a lot of clothes from thrift stores for herself and even got the boys some things.

They were stood waiting to cross the street when the sound of tires screeching on the road made them jump back. Suddenly a grey van stopped right in front of them and four guys in masks jumped out.

“Aw fuck, chica run!” Romeo yelled, the pair of them dropping the bags as they made a run for it. He gripped her wrist to make her keep up with him and she almost fell over. They turned the corner and she heard bullets ricocheting off the bricks, she almost fucking shit herself.

“Holy shit!” She gasped, trying her best to keep up with her friend as they kept running, going down different side streets to confuse them and lose them. Her heart was hammering relentlessly in her ribcage and she felt like she might keel over and die before the men could get to her anyway.

Romeo ducked in an alley with her, crouching behind a dumpster. He grabbed his gun, thankful he had brought it with him as he loaded it and cocked it ready. Luna could hear the blood whooshing in her ears, she didn’t know if this was to do with the guy who wanted her, or just people that were after her boys in general, but she was scared. Romeo shot her an apologetic look, her whole body was shaking and she looked paler than usual. Her eyes widened when she heard footsteps coming down the alley and she looked to Rome frightened. He raised a finger to his lips, telling her to keep quiet and then he sprang up, gun pointed at the guy. Luna stayed huddled behind the dumpster, she couldn't see what was going on but she heard shouting and then a scuffle and her heart squeezed. She had no idea what to do or how to help him.

“He’s gonna drop his gun in a second.” She jumped when she heard the voice, whipping her head to the side to see someone she had only ever seen in her dreams.

“Rocco?” She whispered, bewildered as she stared at him. It wasn't the first time the dead came to visit her but it had been years since it happened when she was awake.

“The one and only. Now look, if you wanna help my replacement over there, you need to be sharp. When the fucker drops his gun, you gotta grab it and shoot him in the head.” He said firmly, looking at her seriously. She blinked at him slowly, she’d have to shoot someone. Sure he deserved it but she didn't know if she had the balls to take a human life. She couldn't hesitate or they'd both be dead.

“He’s gonna drop it, right...about...now!” She darted from behind the dumpster just in time to see the gun fall to the floor and she grabbed it, pointing it at the man who was pinning Romeo down and she pulled the trigger.

The noise echoed and she stumbled backwards as she felt warm sticky blood spatter onto her face, making her gasp. She watched as the man slumped on top of Romeo, bullet wound in his temple. Romeo shoved him off, scrambling to his feet as he looked at Luna with wide eyes. Her hand was shaking and she dropped the gun, feeling the bile rise in her throat.

“Don’t throw up, don’t wanna leave any DNA behind.” Rocco grinned, making her look to the side seeing him still there, she squinted at him as she tried to breathe carefully.

“Shit, Luna, that was awesome. You did good.” Romeo praised, grateful he was alive and it was all thanks to her.

“Do we...do we need to do the shit with the pennies or what?” She asked, her voice shaky as she stood avoiding looking at the dead body, the man she just killed.

“Nah, it's too messy, might as well just get the fuck outta dodge, the boys are worried about you anyway, they’ve been ringing this assholes phone and he ain’t picked up.” Rocco replied.

“We might as well leave it, we have to head back.” Romeo replied to her question, she heard Rocco snort next to her.

They made their way back in silence and Romeo was a little worried. She was too quiet and she kept glancing to the other side of her like someone was there and it was freaking him out. Not to mention he would have to tell the boys what just happened and they would lose their shit.

“Are you seriously just gonna follow us home?” Luna asked softly, glancing to Rocco. Romeo frowned to himself as he side glanced at her, wondering who the fuck she was talking to.

“Why not? Someone needs to keep an eye on you.” He grinned, making her roll her eyes at him. They got there and went up the fire escape. Romeo was beat to hell and Luna still had blood spatter on her face, she had tried to wipe it off but it had only smeared it around a little.

The boys were sat on the couch and when they saw the state of them, they jumped up.

“What the fuck happened?!” Murphy yelled, storming over and taking Luna's face in his hands as he tilted it, there was blood but it didn't seem to be hers.

“Four guys out of a van got the jump on us, we managed to outrun them, but one of them caught up to us.” Romeo explained as he took his coat off. Luna took hers off, vaguely feeling miffed that all the stuff she had bought today was discarded in the street somewhere after they had to run. The boys tensed up and shared a dark look.

“That doesn't explain why Luna’s got blood on her that ain’t her own.” Connor squinted, eyeing her up. She wouldn't look at them, she didn't know how she felt about taking a man's life. He might have deserved it but it was still difficult for her to deal with.

“Luna shot him, saved my fucking life.” Romeo smiled, almost proudly and the twins' eyes widened as they looked at her.

“Yeah well, I had help.” She mumbled, going to the sink and washing her hands and then her face, trying to scrub off the blood. The boys looked to Romeo curiously and he shrugged.

“She’s been acting weird since it happened, talking to someone who ain’t even there.” He whispered, glancing at her. The boys frowned and then turned back to her as she pat her face dry with the towel.

“Who helped ye?” Murphy asked curiously, making her glance to the side where no one was there. She raised a brow to Rocco, wondering if she should tell them and he gave her a lopsided grin.

“Tell them ‘Hallelujah Jaffar.’” He smirked, making her squint at him. She turned back to the boys, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Hallelujah Jaffar.” She said dryly, knowing they would get the reference. The boys' eyes widened as they glanced to each other, wide grins splitting their faces.

“Rocco's here?” Murphy asked excitedly, making Luna look at him like he was crazy, apparently they seemed to have forgot her and Romeo had just been shot at and she had to take a man's life.

She heaved a sigh and went to sit down, running a hand through her hair.

“Yes, he’s here. He was the one who saved Romeo, and me by all accounts. He told me the guy was gonna drop his gun.” She explained tiredly. The boys moved to the other couch and sat in front of her as Romeo rummaged in the freezer for some ice for his eye.

“Is he doin’ alright?” Connor asked, looking just as excited as his twin that Rocco was around. Luna glanced beside her to the hairy man and he nodded.

“Yeah.” She stated, her nerves were shot and her temper was frayed. She was trying to keep herself in check.

“Ask him what he’s been up te in the after life.” Murphy grinned playfully and despite the fact she loved it when the boy was happy, she snapped.

“I’m not playing Miss fucking Psychic, if you want to talk to him, use a fucking ouija board!” She yelled, standing up and going to the bedroom slamming the door behind her. The boys frowned, glancing to each other before back to the door.

She sat on the mattress, wiping a hand over her face as the reality of the situation settled over her. The door opened and she glanced up to see Murphy walk in hesitantly, like he was scared she might shout at him. He moved to sit in front of her, glancing at her warily.

“We’re sorry, we didn't mean te annoy ye.” He sighed softly, making Luna realise he drew the short straw being the one who had to come and apologize to her. She blew out a breath and leant back against the wall.

“It's fine Murph, I’m just…” She trailed off, not even having the right words.

“Tryin’ te deal with takin’ a man's life?” He offered, giving her a sympathetic smile. She nodded and glanced to her hands, they were still shaking slightly.

“I know it must be hard for ye love. I remember the first time I killed someone. It was when Connor jumped off the roof wit’ a fuckin’ bog te save me. The other guy survived and I bashed his head in with part o’ the toilet.” He frowned, thinking back on that awful day. He had thought that was it for him and his brother that day, that they would be separated forever.

“That was self defense.” She said softly, glancing at him.

“Aye, and so was this. He would o’ killed Rome, and then killed you. Ye did what ye had te do Luna.” He soothed, reaching out and taking her hand. She nodded, trying to let his words comfort her.

“Do you think it’s anything to do with the guy that's after me?” She asked hesitantly. He tensed a little, rubbing his lower lip with his thumb before nodding.

“Aye, too much o’ a coincidence not te be. But we’ll get him. We’ll track the other three pricks down and we’ll send them off te judgement.” He stated firmly. They sat in silence for a moment with him holding her hand.

“So...how did you two decide who was to come in here and talk to me?” She asked with a wry smile, making him blush slightly like he’d been caught out.

“Flipped a coin.” He snorted, glancing at her through his lashes and making her laugh. He smiled at the sound, glad she wasn't mad at them anymore, glad she was okay. The day had been packed full with ups and downs, it had started in the best way and then all went to shit. The news that Rocco was there, looking out for them and their girl, it made him and his brother unbelievably happy. Rocco had saved their lives today, and just knowing he was around, it eased the grief that still settled inside of him.

Murphy had always blamed himself for what happened to him, it was his idea to bring Rocco in on their little vigilante crusade, and it cost him his life. It was nice to know the man didn't blame him or his brother, that he was still there helping him whenever they needed him. It made him wonder what other divine interventions were actually Rocco's doing and he almost laughed at the thought of Rocco being some sort of guardian angel for them all. He wouldn't have picked anyone else. He hoped things would settle now, he knew the girl had to come to terms with what she did, she wasn't like him or Connor. It wasn't easy for her to just take someone's life, even if they deserved it. She hadn't been given that task from God like they had. He couldn't wait to track this fucker down and anyone helping him, taking them out and finally giving their girl the sense of peace she needed. They had to do it asap, today was a wake up call for them all, she wasn't safe anywhere, people were obviously watching her and that spelt trouble for them all, the sooner those fuckers were dead, the sooner Luna could go back to being her usual happy self and not having to look over her shoulder.

Taglist; @risingphoenix761 @daryldixonandfrogs @arlaina28

#boondock saints #boondock saints fanfic #murphy macmanus #murphy macmanus fanfic #connor macmanus #connor macmanus fanfic

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crossbows-and-moonshine · 6 years ago

Text

Anam Cara (Chapter 14)

(Chapter 1)

(Chapter 2)

(Chapter 3)

(Chapter 4)

(Chapter 5)

(Chapter 6)

(Chapter 7)

(Chapter 8)

(Chapter 9)

(Chapter 10)

(Chapter 11)

(Chapter 12)

(Chapter 13)

Smutty goodness.

---------------

The next morning she was awake before Connor, much to his surprise. He left his sleeping twin in bed as he got up and went to look for her, half worried she had fled and he’d never see her again. Instead, he found her in the kitchen area cleaning like her life depended on it, he couldn’t remember seeing the place so clean before. She noticed him before he had a chance to speak and she gave him a beaming smile. He should have been happy she seemed okay, but the whole thing unsettled him greatly after the night before.

“Good morning!” She grinned as she bounded over and kissed him lovingly. He kissed her back still feeling confused and when she moved away he narrowed his eyes slightly at her and regarded her curiously.

“Someone's in a good mood.” He said hesitantly, making her roll her eyes at him as she walked away and continued her cleaning.

“And why wouldn't I be?” She asked plainly as she scrubbed the counter almost desperately. He squinted harder as he walked over, grabbing her wrist to stop her frantic motions.

“Because o’ yesterday Mo Mhuirnin (My darling). Last night ye were...and now yer…” He was almost lost for words and he was well aware this was a delicate situation, he wasn’t sure if this was some sort of coping mechanism and he really didn’t want it to come crashing down and have her having another mental breakdown.

“That was yesterday, today's a new day and I’m fine so drop it.” Despite the small smile she gave him, he sensed the firmness in her words, he nodded and moved to sit at the table. She was happy he hadn’t pushed her, her brain seemed to be malfunctioning and it was like if she pretended everything was great, nothing would happen. She knelt down and started to remove the contents of the cupboard so she could clean inside of it, the pots and pans clanging loudly in the small apartment. Soon after a sleepy Murphy walked in rubbing his eyes tiredly as he looked around confused at the noise, his hair sticking up at odd angles giving him his usual boyish charm.

“Fuckin’ hell, sounds like we’re bein’ robbed.” He grumbled before he noticed his lass on the floor acting oddly. He quirked a brow and looked at Connor.

Don’t ask, some kind o’ copin’ mechanism.

Alright I guess, will she be okay?

No idea brother.

Murphy moved to sit down with a yawn in the chair closest to her, reaching out and stroking her hair. She jumped like she hadn’t even noticed he was there which just worried him. But when she turned to look at him, her smile melted his heart. He knew something was wrong but her smile was everything he lived for and he couldn’t help but return it.

“Good mornin’ Mo Ghrá (My love), sleep well?” He asked with that stupid smile he knew was plastered on his face, the one he only ever gave to her. She stood up and sat in his lap, nuzzling her nose against his affectionately, making him practically purr as he returned it.

“I did, thank you.” She smiled at him.

He couldn’t resist as he wound his hand in her hair and kissed her deeply, wasting no time in tangling his tongue with hers as he pulled her flush to him. He was completely fucking addicted to the girl and he wouldn’t change a damn thing about it.

Connor was reading the paper and looked on half amused and half curious. He couldn't deny he was glad she seemed better today, even if it did feel odd. But if she wanted to act like everything was normal and it would help her, he would go along with it. He couldn’t stand to see her so upset. He could feel his cock stirring in his boxers as he watched the two of them and it only grew when Murphy drew a delicious moan from her lips as he nipped them. She moved away and leant her forehead on his, the both of them panting heavily. The air was thick with want and electricity, none of them could deny it. She stood up and took Murphy's hand, pulling him up from his chair, she turned to glance at the lighter twin and quirked her brow with a smirk like a challenge, one which Connor couldn’t fucking ignore. Murphy was fighting his urge to throw her on the fucking table and fuck her right there, watching her being so seductive and if he thought right, he might be finally getting his wish about the three of them being together. She led Murphy into the bedroom with Connor not too far behind as he shut the door and watched her carefully. She seemed to be taking charge and he liked seeing this side to her. She tilted her head as she regarded them both like she was thinking.

“Hmmm… Connor first since Murph fell asleep on me the other night in the middle of getting me off.” She grinned as she looked at Murphy. Connor burst out laughing as Murphy looked confused before realisation dawned on his face.

“But...m’girl that's not fair, I was drunk! I didnae mean te!” He whined petulantly, making Connor laugh harder.

“Now brother, is that any way te treat our lass?” He smirked as he walked up behind her and palmed her breast, making her gasp and bite her lower lip as she looked at the darker twin. Murphy groaned watching them both feeling put out he had screwed himself over. Luna let out a little laugh and peeled Connors hands away from her as she walked over to Murphy. She leant in and ghosted his lips with hers teasingly.

“Doesn’t mean you can’t join in the fun Murph.” She purred softly before nipping his lower lip and making him moan. Both boys were as hard as rocks and Connor couldn’t take it any longer. He stripped his boxers and lay down waiting for her eagerly, holding out his hand as he beckoned her over. She grinned as she stripped out of her shirt she was wearing and her panties, crawling onto the mattress and straddling Connor. Murphy got on the bed behind her and stroked her hair over her shoulder so he could access her neck, licking and nipping it, only making her wetter. Connor watched enraptured by them both and with a quick motion, she sunk down onto his hard cock, the both of them moaning loudly. Murphy's breathing hitched hearing them and he could feel the pleasure Connor was feeling, he sank his teeth into her neck, marking her up good on his side. He grabbed her hips as he kissed his way up to her ear, starting to move them for her so she fucked his brother, making them both moan once again.

“Fuckin’ hell.” Connor groaned sounding strained, Murphy could tell he was trying his hardest not to just go off on her. She could feel Murphy's breath on her ear as he moved her slowly, lifting her a little and then sinking her back down onto Connors cock. She couldn’t help the moans that left her lips each time he did it.

“Hope Romeo ain’t in.” Murphy chuckled, his breath making her shiver.

“Don’t fuckin’ talk about Rome in the middle o’ this!” Connor chided with a moan as his hips bucked up to meet hers. Murphy just laughed a little and picked up the pace, making Luna fuck his brother faster.

“Ye gon’ make me brother cum m’girl, ridin’ him good.” Murphy purred in her ear, making her squirm a little and moan louder, Connor was in heaven, feeling her all tight and wet around his cock, it didn't feel weird with his brother there. They’d never done this before, not that they hadn’t had offers, it just never felt right. But this was different, this was their girl, and he was loving every second. Murphy ground himself against her ass, needing some friction to ease his throbbing. He was really getting off watching the two and knowing he was practically making her fuck his brother this way, feeling the pleasure his brother felt. The connection to his twin was stronger than usual, in each other's heads without even trying. Luna could feel the same energy she usually felt when they communicated, but this time it was different, it didn't stop and it was all consuming, it just heightened the whole thing for her. Murphy moaned in her ear and moved her even faster, getting her to ride Connors dick hard as he listened to their moans get louder and more desperate.

“Cum for us Mo fhíorghra (My true love), Let him feel ye.” He whispered before nipping her ear. Connor groaned at his words, knowing he wouldn’t last long at all. Murphy's grip on her hips tightened as he fucked her hard and fast on his brother's cock. He could feel the intensity build up inside of him, he’d never experienced this before. They could feel each other a lot but it wasn’t like when one came, the other did. But this time the connection between the three was so strong, Murphy found himself falling over the edge when Connor did, the both of them moaning loudly in unison. Connor bucking his hips up to hers as she tightened around his cock with a cry of pleasure, and spilling himself inside of her, and Murphy shooting his load in his boxers as he ground against her ass. The three of them stayed there panting for a minute and Murphy hid his face in the crook of her neck, feeling slightly embarrassed that he came without even doing anything.

“Ye finish too Murph?” Connor asked curiously, already knowing the answer, he could feel the strong vibration of their connection too and it was intense, unlike anything he had experienced before. Luna perked up also curious and Murphy blushed hard, still hiding his face.

“Aye.” He mumbled against the skin of her neck. Luna glanced over her shoulder, effectively moving his head so he couldn't hide as she looked at him with a loving smile, his insecurities washed away in an instant, and he was shocked his brother hadn’t made a comment to embarrass him.

“I’m not crazy right, we all felt how intense that was.” She said softly as she looked at Connor and then back to Murphy behind her. They both nodded and Murphy kissed her sweetly.

“Not crazy m’girl, never felt anythin’ like it.” He admitted as he kissed her cheek. He moved away and got up to rid himself of his messy boxers and once he cleaned up he lay on the bed, Luna moving off Connor and laying between them on her back. They both curled around her, they felt like this had just solidified their relationship and brought them even closer. They didn’t even need words in the moment as they just soaked each other up and enjoyed being so close. They all drifted off to sleep after wearing themselves out, despite the early hour.

When Luna woke, she found it was only her and Murphy in bed again, just like usual. Connor always woke first and was off doing God knows what. She felt serene, the vibrations from earlier still tingling her body. She had never felt such an intense connection to anyone before, let alone two people at the same time. It was insane. But it was just what she needed to keep distracted from the day before and she was glad to push it to the back of her mind, much how she had done the first time this had happened to her. She moved to lay her head on Murphy's chest with a content sigh and his arm instinctively curled around her and held her close. She felt him stir awake and yawn, making her smile. Sleepy Murphy was too adorable for words. She felt his hand in her hair, fingers massaging her scalp and just giving her a new wave of calm to make her smile. She could feel how happy he was, his contentment in that moment and she loved it. It was hard to feel negative when she was around Murphy and his strong emotions when they were good ones like this. She couldn't feel fear or anxiety when Murphy's happiness outshone everything inside of her. She shifted to lay beside him and he mirrored her, the two of them just watching each other.

“Ye know I love ye, aye?” He asked softly, his voice raspy from being so sleepy. She gave him a small smile and reached out to stroke his cheek lovingly.

“I know, I can feel it. I love being around you when you feel like this.” She admitted with a smile. He beamed a sleepy grin at her and tucked some of her long dark hair behind her ear.

“I still don’t understand how it works, but it sounds similar te how me and Conn can feel each other, except for you it seems more intense and with everyone.” He looked at her curiously. Since she’d arrived with them they hadn't really spoke much about her gifts, it was just unspoken knowledge.

“It can be intense, but not always. With you I feel everything so strongly, it cancels out my own feelings, it's overwhelming when you’re in a bad mood. But with Connor it's just faint, sometimes it's hard to pick him up if my own emotions are running high.” She said softly. Murphy perked up a bit and looked at her with more curiosity. He just thought she would feel them both the same, and as much as he wouldn't ever tell his brother this as it was supposed to be equal, he actually felt a little special that she felt him so strongly. He was also curious why she would feel him so much if she didn't pick up on his twin in the same way.

“How come ye can't feel Conn like ye can me?” He asked as he moved his hand to stroke her hip softly. She nibbled her lip a little, she almost felt bad by how he worded it, they’d already had enough jealousy with Connor feeling left out, this wasn’t something she wanted him to know.

“I honestly don’t know. I mean, I love you both the same, but every person is different. Usually, everyone feels the same as Connor, just like a low humming in the background. It used to be different, back when I was younger, everyone I met hit me like a tonne of bricks, but I learnt to dull it down and deal with it. But you… I don’t know, it's just strong, it’s exactly how it was with Solis when she was here, before I even had the gift. I could always feel her so intensely. I really don't know why it's you.” She admitted looking sheepish, guilt creeping in. Murphy again had a little odd feeling of satisfaction of being so special, but he also knew it would cause world war 3 if his brother ever found out. He could see she was confused about it and she was genuine when she said she loved them equally, and she looked guilty as hell for even talking about it.

“Hey, don’t worry m’girl, won’t tell Conn. Know it would cause trouble.” He smiled softly, leaning in and giving her a sweet and simple kiss. She relaxed a little but still felt bad, and now for also getting Murphy to keep something from his twin, but she knew it was for the best.

“Before was crazy though, I’ve never felt anything like that before, it was like the three of us were linked.” She said looking deep in thought, a slight blush colouring her cheeks as she remembered just what happened. Murphy actually blushed a little too, something that she always found endearing when he did. He could be sexy and dominant one minute, and then shy and boyish the next.

“Aye. Me and Conn… we’ve never shared a girl before. Even if we had I doubt it would be so intense. It’s probably the dreams and things ye know, We’ve known ye for longer than we technically have since we’ve dreamt of ye for so long, it’s a weird situation.” He said quietly. Luna blinked at him confused, this was new information and she didn’t know why he was only telling her now.

“Wait, what? You and Connor dreamt of me too?” She asked with a furrowed brow as she sat up and looked down at him. She felt a little miffed the boys hadn't ever mentioned that to her despite her being open from the day she met them about the fact she had dreamt of them. The colour drained from Murphys face when he realised he let it slip and he sat up looking at her like a deer caught in the headlights, no idea what to say. Connor was going to kill him, they weren’t supposed to tell her yet since Connor was so sure she would fucking freak out. And he knew now it just seemed like they'd been hiding things from her. His silence just bothered her more and she frowned feeling angry. But what confused Murphy most was the fact he could feel her anger, actually feel it and he wasn’t sure how.

“Seriously Murph, what the actual fuck?!” She stood up and started to dress angrily and he jumped up after her and grabbed her hand.

“Love, I just, Connor didnae want te tell ye yet and then it seemed too late.” He looked at her pleadingly, if he had his way he would have told her the day they met. Connor and his stupid fucking plans.

“So how long? How long have you been dreaming of me? Why didn’t you just tell me? I told you both everything, completely transparent and honest and you two couldn't even do the same decency?!” She yelled as she pushed him away. Luna really hated being lied to or having things kept from her. The only reason she knew now was because Murphy had slipped up. Connor heard the shouting and came in with a frown looking confused at the two of them.

“What's goin’ on in here?” He asked glancing at the both of them. Murphy wanted the ground to swallow him fucking whole and he couldn't even look at his brother.

“When were you going to tell me you dreamt of me too? You didn't think that was something I should know? Despite the fact I told you everything?!” She seethed as she turned her icy glare to Connor. His eyes widened and he looked at his brother furiously, noting how his twin couldn't even look him in the eye.

“Really deartháir? Cén fáth ar inis tú di, féach anois cad atá déanta agat ( Really brother? Why did you tell her, now look what you’ve done).” He glared at his sheepish twin. Murphy wiped his hand over his face, this wasn’t really how he thought today would go after how things had been earlier.

“An raibh sé ina thionóisc Connor, thit sé amach ( Was an accident Connor, it just slipped out).” He sighed, hating his big fucking mouth. Connor started yelling at Murphy in what sounded like Russian and Murphy started yelling back and shoved his brother hard, the anger from the twins only fed her own and she grabbed an ornament and threw it at the wall making it shatter with a loud bang.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now?!” She practically screamed, making the both of them look at her in pure shock. They'd never seen her like this before.

“Explain to me now why you didn’t tell me, why after I told you everything even though I felt fucking insane, you never mentioned the fact you’d been dreaming of me. Give me one good reason I shouldn't fucking leave right now and never come back.” She sneered feeling completely betrayed. After all she had told them, all they had done together and they hadn't even been upfront with her. Connor blinked at her, his heart constricting at her words, but Murphy, the twin who could never mask his emotions, felt like he was about to hyperventilate. The very thought of her leaving and never seeing her again, not getting to see her smile, hear her voice. He’d rather fucking die.

“Please Luna, don’t fuckin’ leave, we can explain. Just don’t leave.” He begged looking desperate, a lump forming in his throat. If she wasn’t so mad she would have felt guilty about it, he looked like a kicked puppy. She turned her glare to the lighter twin, she knew as usual this was his doing, that Murphy would have wanted to tell her, and yet again she was mad at him.

“Explain.” She demanded firmly. Murphy started pacing and biting his thumb, trying to will away his sadness and fear, knowing she would be able to feel it and think he was pathetic. Connor heaved a sigh and ran a hand through his hair.

“Look… I just… I know we should o’ told ye aye? I just didn't want te scare ye off, it was so surreal te us both ye were even here, that yer real. We went through life thinkin’ ye were just a guardian angel or in our heads or some shit. And when Murph found ye that night, when we saw ye… I can't even put inte words Luna. Murphy wanted te tell ye, and we should have. But I didn't want ye te run, I didn't want it te be too much. And even after all that's happened between us, it just felt weird te tell ye, like the right time had gone and now there was no right time.” He admitted as he took a step closer to her, seeing her anger start to ease slightly.

“We should have told ye, there's no excuse, we kept somethin’ from ye and we shouldn't have. We get if ye don't trust us as much now. Ye’ve done nothin’ but be honest with us from the get go and we should have returned the courtesy. But we are sorry lass aye? Just...please don’t leave.” He pleaded, looking at her pitifully, like a scolded child. Luna sighed and sat down on the mattress. She wasn't happy about it, but it did make sense. But now she wondered what else they weren't telling her and the unease wasn’t something she liked. She really felt like she just needed some time to clear her head because she couldn't think clearly.

“Maybe I should just...go back to my apartment for a bit or something.” She mumbled as she rubbed her face tiredly. The boys frowned in unison and Murphy felt like his heart exploded right in his chest. But as usual he couldn’t deal with negative emotions and it started to morph into anger.

“Like fuck ye goin’ back there! Ye got someone out there lookin’ te kill ye and ye think we’re gonna let ye out o’ our sight?” He yelled with a frown, making her glare at him, Connor doing the same. Like it wasn’t already bad enough, their girl couldn't trust them the same, and now Murphy was fucking shouting at her.

“Murph.” Connor warned him, but Murphy didn't even look his way.

“No! Don’t Murph me, this is all yer fuckin’ fault anyway! I told ye I wanted te tell her the day we met her, but no, ye wanted te wait, ye had a fuckin’ plan. Worked really fuckin’ well didn’t it?!” He roared as he turned on his brother, shoving him a little. Connor clenched his jaw, he knew Murphy was right, it was his fault, but it didn't make it any easier to swallow. He clenched his fists as he tried to regain control of his temper, something which his brother clearly had no idea how to do.

Luna tuned out the boys shouting, she was sick of it, she needed to just stop fucking thinking for a minute. She was getting a headache. She rubbed her temples and the boys were too busy arguing to notice her getting dressed. She grabbed her purse, checking she had some money in it before she made her way to the door.

“I’m going shopping, I need to clear my head.” She stated plainly. The boys stopped arguing abruptly and looked at her.

“Lass ye shouldn’t be goin’ out on yer own.” Connor looked at her concerned, whereas Murphy looked like the vein in his neck was about to explode with his rage.

“I’ll take Romeo.” She huffed before leaving the room and two angry and bewildered twins behind her.

Romeo was sat at the table feeling awkward as hell, he’d heard the whole thing and he really wanted to stay out of it, but when he saw how defeated and sad she looked, he felt bad for her. The girl had been through a lot since he’d met her, and the twins could be intense at times, he could see it was taking a toll on her.

“Will you come shopping with me? Please? I really just need some space right now.” She asked pleadingly, hoping he wouldn't refuse her since she now needed a fucking chaperone just to leave the place. He gave her a sympathetic smile and stood up.

“Alright chica, lets go.” She felt relief sweep through her body and beamed a smile at him gratefully. The twins heard them leave and the door shut, the both of them glaring at each other, angry at the other for different reasons. This really wouldn't end well.

Taglist; @risingphoenix761 @daryldixonandfrogs @arlaina28

#boondock saints #boondock saints fanfic #murphy macmanus #murphy macmanus fanfic #connor macmanus #connor macmanus fanfic

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crossbows-and-moonshine · 6 years ago

Text

Anam Cara (Chapter 11)

(Chapter 1)

(Chapter 2)

(Chapter 3)

(Chapter 4)

(Chapter 5)

(Chapter 6)

(Chapter 7)

(Chapter 8)

(Chapter 9)

(Chapter 10)

It had been a week since Luna had told the boys she loved them and it had been a week of healing. Murphy was doing really well and was able to get up and move around now, although still slow and extremely sore, and Connors' leg was nearly as good as new. She hadn’t said those three words again since, not wanting to overuse them as everything was still so premature. Connor still hadn’t said anything back to her and she didn’t want to bring it up even though it was eating away at her. Murphy said it back pretty much straight away and she wondered why Connor never said it at all.

There had been a few times when things became heated between her and Connor, kissing turning into desperate groping like a pair of teenagers, but for some reason, any time she tried to take it further, wanting to have her first time with him, he would make an excuse and disappear. She started to wonder if maybe he didn’t really forgive her for how she acted about Murphy being injured, how cold she was to him when he needed her more than anything. It used to be that he always wanted to be around her but now it’s like he couldn’t escape fast enough, which is what led her to be currently sat on the sofa in the morning, still in shock as Connor had just fucked off on her again, even though his body was betraying him. She knew he wanted her so why the fuck wouldn’t he just give in?

With a heaving sigh she walked into the bedroom and saw Murphy still snoring away on his back, it warmed her heart and she smiled as she crawled in bed next to him. He didn’t wake fully right away but he could sense her close and smiled lazily as he wrapped his arms around her, just like she needed, to soothe to sting of Connors rejection once again. She nuzzled herself into his neck inhaling that wonderful unique Murphy smell that she loved so much, as he started waking slowly and tightened his grip on her. She loved Murphy in the morning so much, he was always so unguarded in those moments as he would lay with her, his hair awry and adorable looking and his beautiful blue eyes twinkling in that wonderful way Murphy's eyes seemed to do. She cherished the mornings she would have with him, savoring every moment. It was rare she woke up to Connor, he was always the early riser of the two and more often than not was already up and making them breakfast by the time she woke up.

“Mornin’ mo searc (my love).” He smiled, his voice still thick from sleep. She didn’t say anything and she snuggled closer into him, she thought if she did say something she just might cry, it all just building up. He frowned and his arms instinctively squeezed her a little, he knew something was off with her, he could just sense it. He was convinced he could feel it.

“Talk te me love, what’s wrong?” He asked softly as he brought his hand up to run through her hair in a soothing manner. She shook her head, her face still buried in his neck and she could feel her lip quiver as she tried her hardest not to cry. Her body was tense and she didn’t even realise it but Murphy could feel how tightly wound she was and it made him worry further.

“Has somethin’ happened? Has Connor upset ye?” He asked with a frown. He wasn’t aware of what was going on with her and Connor but he would be a liar if he said he hadn’t noticed something going on with them. At the mention of Connor's name, her wall came crashing down and she cried softly into his neck. Feeling her tears on his skin and holding her body as it shook ever so slightly, he found himself growing tense, angry that his brother had upset her. After everything that had happened last week, he was glad they had sorted it, but he was beyond pissed off when he later found out from Connor how rough he had been on the rooftop. They had spent so long thinking their angel wasn’t even real and now they had her in their lives for real and Connor could have fucked it all up and scared her away. Connor was the one telling Murphy to take things slow and not to scare the poor lass off, yet he was the one manhandling her on the fucking roof, he was livid.

“What did he fuckin’ do?” He asked slowly, his jaw clenching, and she could hear the anger in his voice. She knew she had to tell him because it wasn’t as bad as it looked, Connor hadn’t hurt her in the way he probably thought he did. She was the one who had to intervene when Murphy found out about the rooftop incident, having to drag Murphy away from Connor before he would end up busting open his stitches. She was pretty sure that if Murphy didn’t have a bullet wound in his side that Connor would be black and blue, Murphy was furious at his brother. She had to convince him she was okay and not hurt in any way before he even started to calm down, but he was still pissed off at Connor about it. She had never seen Murphy so angry before, especially at his brother. They had their arguments, sure, but this was full on fury coming from him.

“I don’t think...I don’t think he loves me.” She admitted, not moving from her spot hidden away in the crook of his neck. Murphy furrowed his brow as he glanced down at her.

“O’ course he fuckin’ loves ye! Why would ye even think that?!” He asked shocked and incredibly confused. He knew without a shadow of a doubt that his brother loved Luna just as much as he did, there was no question about it. And he had no clue what Connor had done to even give her that impression. She sat up feeling embarrassed now at talking with his own brother about it.

“It’s nothing.” She sniffled as she went to get up, but Murphy sat up and grabbed her wrist preventing her from going. She looked at him, her blue eyes burning bright and shining from her tears and his heart beat a little faster. He was sat there with the blanket pooling around his waist, his bare torso almost glowing from the morning sunlight shining in from the window. He was beautiful, Luna’s dark angel.

“It ain’t ever nothin’ Luna, not wit’ me. Somethin’s got ye upset and I wanna know what happened.” He stated seriously, actually using her name making her know he was being deadly serious. She took a shaky breath and laid her eyes on the blanket, toying with it anxiously in her hands.

“It’s just... When I told him I loved him, he never said it back.” She said, her voice so small and vulnerable sounding that it made Murphy's heart ache a little and he reached his hand out to cover hers on the blanket. He wanted to kick Connors ass for not saying it back, he didn’t know why he didn’t because his brother loved their lass with everything he had. But now he had made her insecure and doubting his feelings and he could see how much this was bothering her.

“He loves ye, trust me, Luna, he does. I know he does, I can fuckin’ feel it.” He said firmly trying to reassure her.

“Then why does he keep rejecting me? Turning me away? Every time I want to prove my love for him, to show him, he fucking makes up some stupid excuse and runs off. He doesn’t want me Murph, I ruined it all.” She frowned as fresh tears made their way down her pale cheeks, avoiding his gaze. He shook his head and ran a hand through his unruly hair with frustration. What the fuck was Connor playing at? He tried to think of why Connor would behave that way but he really came up with nothing.

“Look mo searc (my love), I have no idea why he’s actin’ this way, but I’ll be havin’ a fuckin’ word with that brot’er o’ mine. One thing I can tell ye, he does love ye, he loves ye so fuckin’ much Luna and I mean that. If there’s one thing I’m certain o’, it’s that.” He explained sincerely, making her relax slightly as she heard the truth in his words and how firmly he believed them. She knew Murphy wouldn’t lie to her and no one knew Connor quite like Murphy did. She looked at him, now not avoiding his gaze and she nodded, making him smile a little and grab her, pulling her closer so he could embrace her. Murphy always had a way of calming her, his presence was soothing for her and she always found herself by his side whenever she needed a moment of peace and clarity.

A few hours later and Murphy had sent Luna to the store with Romeo, she wanted to cook them dinner and it presented as a perfect opportunity for Murphy to corner his twin brother when she wasn’t there. He walked into the living room area and saw Connor grabbing a beer out of the fridge, and he slowly walked over, holding his side and wincing a little as his stitches pulled.

“Ye alright baby brot’er?” Connor grinned at him, leaning on the counter. Murphy didn’t smile though, and he didn’t make a remark about not being the younger brother like he normally did, making Connor look at him confused.

“Ye know if it weren’t for the fact I’m injured, I’d be beatin’ the shite outta ye right now.” Murphy stated, his voice low and calm as his gazed burned into his brother.

“Oh is that so?” Connor asked with a raised brow, amusement colouring his face.

“Yer a fuckin’ idiot Connor. Can’t ye see yer pushin’ her away and she’s gonna leave us because o’ it?!” Murphy frowned, his voice getting a little higher in that way it did when he was angry or passionate about something. The thought alone of Luna leaving, no longer being a part of their lives, terrified him. She may not have been in their lives physically for long but the twins had been dreaming of her for what felt like forever, they felt like they knew her on such a deep intimate level. Murphy couldn’t imagine his life without her by his side, by their side. Connor looked at him confused and shifted on his spot.

“The fuck are ye talkin’ about Murph?” He asked with a furrowed brow.

“Ye didn’t even tell her ye loved her! She told ye and ye never said it back ye fuckin’ eejit. How do ye think that’s made her feel?” Murphy glared. Connors' face went from confused to mortified as he replayed the events from the rooftop in his head. He had been all over the place with his emotions that night and he didn’t even realise he never said it back. Everything was so intense back on the rooftop and things escalated pretty quick, nearly taking her right there, he hadn’t realised he hadn’t told her back how he felt, it never even crossed his mind.

“Fuckin’ shit.” He muttered, a look of realisation dawning on his face, and Murphy untensed a little noticing it.

“Wasn’t intentional?” He asked, curiosity now clear in his voice.

“Fuckin’ no. Me head was everywhere, I never noticed I didn’t say it back, mouth was a little preoccupied after she told me.” He said, a sly grin creeping on his face making Murphy shake his head and roll his eyes before frowning again.

“Well, what about ye rejectin’ her?” He asked, still not understanding the reasoning behind that.

“I ain’t rejectin’ her. I’m just... delayin’ it. I got a plan.” He shrugged, a little pink tinge coming across his face, something that didn’t go unnoticed by his brother.

“You and yer stupid fuckin’ plans. Why the fuck ye delayin’ it?” He asked confused. Connor wiped his face and sighed, not really wanting to say it out loud in front of his brother but he didn’t feel like he had a choice, they never kept shit from each other.

“Look, I just want it te be special aye? I want te make it all romantic and shit for her and I can’t do that whilst yer fuckin’ here, and I can’t exactly kick ye out for the night until yer healed.” He admitted, looking at the floor slightly embarrassed.

“Are ye fuckin’ kiddin’ me? That’s all it is? Ye wanna make it romantic?” Murphy scoffed, slight bewilderment on his face.

“Shut the fuck up aye? I love the lass, o’ course I want te make it special for her.” He frowned as he glanced up at his brothers face.

“Look Connor, rejection is rejection, she still feels like ye rejected her. She was fuckin’ cryin’ te me this mornin’ over it.” Murphy explained as he ran a hand through his messy hair. Connors almost looked pained at the thought of making her cry, being the reason behind her tears.

“I didn’t mean te upset the lass.” He sighed as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“Well I can see that now, but ye need te tell her so she can see it too brot’er.” Murphy said, giving Connor a look that made it clear he knew he was right, even if Connor didn’t want to tell her. Connor nodded and walked over to his twin to save him the trouble, embracing him carefully. They always found comfort in each other which is why they were always close by to one another and seemed to have no concept of personal space, just used to being next to each other all of the time.

“Just fix it aye? I can’t lose her.” Murphy pleaded quietly as he hugged his brother back tightly.

“Aye.”

Not long after, Luna came in with Romeo with bags of shopping and they went into the kitchen area to put it away.

“Luna, m’love, c’mere a sec aye?” Murphy said from the sofa where he was now situated with his brother. Connor shot him a look, but Murphy ignored it.

“Murph...” Connors' voice had a slight warning tone to it but Murphy didn’t even look at him. Luna looked over and back at Romeo who told her he would put all the shopping away for her. She smiled gratefully as she walked over to the sofa and sat on the one opposite the boys, feeling a little nervous at how weird they were acting.

“Connors got somethin’ he needs te tell ye.” Murphy said as he elbowed his brother, but Connor just glared at him, making Murphy let out an irritated huff and roll his eyes.

“For fuck sake Connor yer such a pussy.” Murphy grumbled looking at his brother half disapproving and half amused before turning to look at Luna, his eyes softening instantly.

“The reason he’s been avoidin’ things lately is cos he wanted to make it special for ye.” He explained, shooting an annoyed look at his tight-lipped twin next to him once again, Connor just sat there looking sheepish and embarrassed. Luna looked at Connor as if for confirmation but he wouldn’t look at her, his cheeks were pink and she could feel his embarrassment rolling off him in waves.

“That’s why you’ve been turning me away?” She asked him, needing to hear it from him. He could hear the sadness in her voice when she spoke and his eyes met hers, making him feel like an asshole for not realising how he had been making her feel. He at least owed her an explanation.

“I didn’t mean te upset ye mo chroi (my heart), I just wanted te do things right and I can’t exactly do it with me brot’er floatin’ around the place. I wanted te make it romantic for ye... special.” He explained sheepishly. Murphy sat there with that annoying smug look on his face that made Connor want to strangle him a little bit.

“Connor, I don’t need romance and all that shit. I don’t need fucking candles and rose petals scattered across the bed. I just need you. It’s about us showing each other how much we care about each other.” She said sincerely, making both pairs of Macmanus blues pin their gazes onto her at her words, touching them deeply.

“Aye?” One word conveyed alot of emotion when Connor said it, his eyes boring into her.

“Aye. And...I want us to...you know...all be together. But we can’t until we’ve had our time together. Murphy had me alone first and it’s only fair we share that too before we...” She tried to explain as her face went ten different shades of red, making both brothers grin at her.

“Oh shut up!” She laughed and stood up to go back over to Romeo. Connor grabbed her hand though and pulled her down onto his lap, her legs over Murphys who was sat to the right of him. Murphy's hands caressed her legs softly and he smiled at her, she smiled back and then looked to Connor who was also smiling at her, but there was a look in his eyes, something intense and she couldn’t quite place it. He stroked her hair from her face and leant his forehead on hers, something that she loved when either one of the brothers did, it always felt so intimate.

“I love ye my lass. Mo chroi, chorp agus anam. (My heart, body and soul.)” He said softly against her lips, making her breathing hitch a little. She could hear the truth behind his voice and she had no doubt about his words, the ones she understood at least, but before she could reply Connors' mouth devoured hers in an all-consuming kiss, and if it wasn’t for Murphy's hands soothing on her legs and keeping her grounded, she felt like she would float away. Murphy watched with fascination as his twin brother kissed their girl, feeling something stirring inside of him. He found he liked watching them together and he couldn’t wait for when the time came and the three of them would be together. He could feel what Connor felt and it was as if he was kissing her himself, his heart hammering away in his chest. He needed to feel those soft lips on his own before he exploded.

“Connor, it’s my turn te kiss the lass now.” Murphy whined impatiently from the side of them and Luna laughed, breaking the kiss. Connor shot Murphy a look, to which Murphy just smirked at him and shrugged before pulling her in for a searing kiss. The boys had a way of leaving you breathless when they kissed you, always a kiss that made your knees weak and your heart feel like it would stop beating, and when she felt Connor brush her hair from her neck and start kissing her neck, she moaned into Murphy's mouth. They all suddenly heard someone clearing their throat and jumped apart looking over at the kitchen, where Romeo stood with a red face and an amused look on his face.

“Can ya take that shit somewhere else?” He asked with a grin, making Luna flush and peel herself away from her boys.

“By all means stay here, I mean I can join in, spice it up a little?” He laughed as Luna walked past him and punched him in the arm, the twins fake glaring at him as they stood up in unison.

“Tryin’ te move in on our girl Rome?” Murphy asked with a raised brow as he stood in front of him, arms crossed over his chest.

“I do believe he is Murph.” Connor chimed in, swinging an arm around his brother with a grin. Romeo just flipped them off an walked back over to finish putting away the groceries and help Luna make the food.

#boondock saints #boondock saints fanfic #murphy macmanus #murphy macmanus fanfic #connor macmanus #connor macmanus fanfic

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