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toyybox · 2 months ago

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Spiderwebs #45: Crush

Masterlist

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He couldn’t stay in the living room anymore. He didn’t feel comfortable sleeping there, not while Heather was angry at him.

And he was angry at her. Their argument had not resolved overnight, mainly because he didn’t speak to Heather at all. They had avoided each other for two days and two nights so far. The reason he slept in the basement was not obedience or routine, but the thought of safety. The living room was open, regardless of furniture or corners to press against. It was unsafe, somehow, in some depth of his subconscious. Heather came there too often, startling him awake.

The basement wasn't ideal. It was cold, and there was still blood on the concrete, small dots and stains Heather missed. And it still locked from the outside. But it was his. Nobody ever came down there, and it was quiet, and his bed was slightly more comfortable than the sofa.

At least, nobody ever came down there usually. But on the third morning, Heather decided to pay him a visit.

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“Aren’t you going to say anything?”

He looked up at her, over his book. “No.”

He went back to reading. She glared at him.

“So, what? Are you planning to ignore me for the rest of your life?”

Jackie shrugged.

She scoffed in disbelief. He lost his place on the page. It was impossible to concentrate with her hovering over him, anyway. So he closed the book and sat up from the bed.

“What do you want?” he asked.

“An apology.”

“I’ve got nothing to apologize for.”

She just stared at him.

The silence rose like floodwater. Like waves lapping around their heels, rocking higher and higher still.

He picked up the book. It was a paperback, with a bit of weight to it. Then he threw it at Heather.

It bounced off her shoulder harmlessly—his throw was still not very strong—but she was really pissed off now. She reached for the book—

He flinched—

—And pain burst like a flare in his chest. The book hit him much harder. It fell to the floor with a thud.

They stayed that way for quite some time. Heather stood there, still poised for a fight, staring down with a blaze in her eyes. And Jackie was motionless.

He swallowed. He cracked a smile.

Heather’s posture relaxed. “Is that what you wanted?”

Yes. In his head, in his heart, it was all he wanted, for her to crush this restlessness out of him. She was mad at him, but wasn't that what she wanted? He wanted what she wanted. He wanted to stop wanting anything, most of all, to stop feeling anything.

He didn’t answer her.

Her voice was flat. “You really are pathetic.”

“I know that's exactly what you think of me," he said. "You don’t actually care about me. You just want me for my body. That’s all I am to you, isn’t it? An experiment?"

Heather glared at something beyond him, behind his eyes, seething in hesitation. But the moment passed.

“Callaghan was right,” she said. Her expression became distant. The fire died out. “You’re—I don’t need you. You’re…”

“I’m what?”

“I’m trying to make this work, you know.” Her eyes narrowed. “I’m trying, at least. You don’t try at all. Do you? Do you even—“

“Heather, I d—I don’t want this.” He took a moment to catch his breath, until his voice returned to normal. “I don’t care about making this work. I just want to go—“ Go where? There was nothing else left for him. This was his home. “Leave me alone. Just leave.”

She said nothing for some time.

He didnt even have to glance at her. He already knew that expression. Hers was the only face he remembered anymore. You want what you can’t have. You want to have your cake and eat it. A spoiled little girl. That was all there was to her.

“Fine.” She turned around. “If you want me to leave, I’ll leave.”

He stood completely still while she walked up the stairs.

That was too easy. Maybe she was trying to prove a point. Maybe she had decided to let it go. After all, she hadn't punished him for trying to leave the hotel.

He froze when he heard the lock click into place.

“Heather?” he called out.

She wasn’t on the stairs. Or in the basement. He was alone.

Again, louder, he said, “Heather?”

No reply. Not the slightest sound. He felt strangely calm. As if in a dream. He would walk up those stairs, as he was doing, and he would put his hand on the doorknob, as he moved to do, and he would turn it and the door would open and he’d be fine, he’d be okay—

It didn’t move. The door was locked. He tried again. It wouldn’t move.

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Taglist:

@theelvishcowgirl @lthrboy @whumpy-wyrms

@yassifiedinformation @creppersfunpalooza

@vidawhump @dont-look-me-in-the-eye

#whump #whump writing #my writing #Spiderwebs toyybox #one chapter left in Part II

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royboyfanpage · 10 months ago

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roygarth headcanons and motifs?

Okay I wanna just give a disclaimer that I am not a Garth expert, I've only really read him in Titans comics (though I did read Tempest 1996 specifically for this ask), also Roygarth isn't my OTP, I do ship it but it's not something I've thought about in great length, so my apologies if I've gotten Garth's character wrong or if my interpretation of the ship is different to yours/OOC. Also I've not made any in depth ship posts before, I'm more of a passive observer of ships, so apologies if this sucks ass generally.

For it to work in canon, a very strong aspect of it would have to be communication. Roy doesn't always pick up on when he's done something that's upset someone, and Garth can become quite vocally angry if someone upsets/hurts him. I really wish that the progress they'd made in Titans (1999) #16 was expanded on in later comics because I think if they got past that initial barrier of miscommunication they could have such a good relationship. They're actually pretty similar in some ways, they both love very strongly and are fiercly protective of the people they love, but there are differences, too. Roy's very much an immediate reactor in a lot of cases, he reacts immediately when something upsets him and forgives just as fast, whereas Garth can let things fester/build over time and then eventually lash out in a much angrier way, so communication is definitely the most important aspect.

I don't think that they'd ever be the perfect honeymoon couple, there are always gonna be some things about both of them that drive each other insane. I can't see Roy completely dropping all the teasing, and I also can't see Garth suddenly becoming totally okay with it because Roy's explained he's only kidding. However, I do see it becoming more of an exasperation rather than actually pissing him off, and if they were to get closer I could see it becoming more mutual, good-natured teasing. I also think that they'd get better at resolving arguments too, and that they wouldn't escalate as far once a mutual level of trust's been built up. I think Garth kinda has an expectation that people are out to get him sometimes or that they underestimate his worth, so once that's been addressed and Garth's assured that Roy has no ill-will or negativity towards him then he'd be less likely to lash out and more understanding that that's just Roy's way of showing affection.

It's absolutely a slowburn relationship that would take a lot of time to develop. They're not gonna wake up one morning and realise they love each other and should date. I think, if anything, Cerdian would be a really good way for them to actually fall in love with each other (let's say for the sake of this, Cerdian's fine and Garth and Dolphin split up). I think being able to bond over being parents would absolutely open new opportunities for their relationship, and one of the things Roy looks for in a romantic partner is how well they get along with Lian, so another parent would definitely be a good choice of partner for him, especially since Garth already adored Lian even before Cerdian was born and he and Roy had their talk in purgatory. Plus them co-parenting Lian and Cerdian would be adorable.

I still think that the nicknames would persist, but they'd definitely become more terms of affection as they entered a relationship. Maybe not Gill-head specifically since Garth's explicitly stated he doesn't like that one, but other affectionate fish-related ones for sure. Also they'd keep calling each other Speedy and Aqualad affectionately.

Aaand from a more fanon-y perspective, I think Roy'd definitely be the one to initiate much of the physical affection. I 100% see him as a hugger, so I can imagine him just pulling Garth into hugs or dragging him over to the sofa to cuddle. Garth I can see as more of a spontanious kisser. Both of them go bright red whenever the other surprises them with affection. Also they should do the percabeth underwater kiss.

Anyway this is a family

#thank you for the ask anon!!!#sorry if this sucks #roy harper #arsenal #speedy #red arrow #Garth #Aqualad #tempest #roygarth #spaqua #unreasonably nervous about posting this one lol

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seigephoenix · 4 months ago

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happy friday! for your Hawke/Trevelyan, how about “Ohh, so you think I’m cute when I’m angry? Well, get ready because I’m about to be gorgeous!”

Happy Friday!! For @dadrunkwriting I love this ship with all my heart, but in Inquisition they got some baggage to get over. Just a little bit. Good luck Hawke, you will need it! XD

Content Warning: anger, pettiness, pregnancy mention Length: ~1k

“I don’t honestly think I’ve ever seen Trevelyan that mad,” Cullen said as they watched Alissa Trevelyan storm out of the entry doors and towards the battlements. Leliana tapped her lips with her fingers as she had a feeling who Varric’s contact was, and Alissa Trevelyan was going to wring both their necks.

“All I know is that if Varric brought who I think he did, he won’t have to worry about Cassandra trying to kill him.” Josephine looked over at Leliana as she pieced it together and they both stared after Trevelyan’s back.

“Maker’s breath, he invited Hawke, didn’t he?” Both women burst into chuckles at Cullen’s outburst.

Alissa was furious! She didn’t think she had ever been this hurt and angry and betrayed since the night Hawke left Kirkwall. Scratch that, she was more pissed now. She had more to worry about than just herself and the ragtag group Hawke had gathered in Kirkwall. She had hundreds of people to look out for, and that was quickly building up into the thousands by the day. She had Zephyr to worry over and Bethany. What was she going to say to Bethany about Garrett being here? She blinked back tears at the stinging in her chest, the burning that never truly went away when Hawke left. She took a deep breath and smoothed down the dark blue fabric of her tunic. Varric was waiting for her at the top of the stairs.

Alissa remembered something Garrett once said to her when they’d been arguing. She couldn’t even remember what started the damn argument, but they’d had it after spending the night together. He’d said something to the effect of you’re just so adorable when you’re angry. Alissa had been stunned at the time and he’d used her distraction to bring her in for kisses, kisses that burned away whatever argument had been on her tongue. Her reply had been well get ready then Hawke, I’m about to look fucking gorgeous to you!

Not anymore.

“Varric. Do not tell Hawke who I am until he sees for himself,” she said quietly as she joined Varric’s side. He looked like he was going to protest. “You owe me.” There was a wealth of meaning in that word and Varric knew she was right. He did owe her, big time. He agreed to keep her identity a secret as he made his way down to the little balcony that overlooked the courtyard.

Alissa looked over and her throat burned at the sight of that familiar head of black hair. Her fingers still remembered how soft it was as they ran through it after a night of drinking, or just listening to him talk about his worries. Garrett had loved her running her fingers through his hair. Alissa stared down at her palm wincing at the pulsing green light before clenching her fist and dropping it to her side. She steeled her resolve as she began to descend the steps.

“Hawke. Meet the Inquisitor is what I’d say. But you already know her.” Garrett straightened and whirled around. He met her eyes and there was anger and pain and ice in them. Varric rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m going to go and avoid the Seeker. Come find me when you’re done.” Alissa stepped aside to let him pass and he gave her a sympathetic look, but she avoided looking at him. Of all the things he regretted, it was hurting one of the most loyal friends he had in Kirkwall.

“Hawke.” Alissa’s voice was ice cold as she stepped off the stairs and reached his side. “I know you faced Corypheus in the Warden prison. I wasn’t with you, but Merrill told me everything when you got back. Are you certain he was dead?”

“Alissa.” The words died on his lips as she turned to face him angrily.

“It is Lady Trevelyan or Inquisitor.” He flinched away from her words and Alissa felt the band holding back her anger snap. “Why do you look so hurt Hawke? You left me! You left me to fend for myself in Kirkwall!” Alissa kept her voice low to avoid drawing too much attention to themselves.

“I had to. The Divine was going to send an Exalted March. I couldn’t let them hurt you.” Alissa clenched her jaw and sent him a scathing look.

“No, you just left the rest of Kirkwall coming for my throat.” Hawke’s jaw dropped and he scrambled to produce a reply.

“Surely. Surely, they’d see that it wasn’t your fault, Alissa.” She sent him a nasty glare that held all the contempt she felt for being abandoned.

“Do you think the nobility cared? That the merchants cared? No! All they cared about was having a damned target to unleash all their anger on. All that work I did creating reforms, protecting the people from the growing paranoia and tension in Kirkwall. Gone in the blink of an eye thanks to Anders. You chose to spare him and I respected that decision. The rest of Kirkwall knew how close we were Hawke, you weren’t there. So who do you think they came to for answers?”

“Alissa, I’m sorry.” Garrett reached for her hands and paused when he saw the flickering green light across her palm. “The mark.”

“Is the Anchor and is the key to sealing the Breach in the sky.” She pulled her hand away before he could touch her. “You may stay here Hawke. I’ll make sure you have quarters for however long you are staying.” She turned and faced the steps. “Where is your Grey Warden contact that Varric mentioned?”

“He’s in Crestwood, hiding out there to avoid the red Templars.” Alissa nodded and took a breath.

“We shall get ready to head there.” She debated telling him the next part. She had to wonder if Hawke would leave her again, if he did then he would leave Zephyr as well. Hurting him… She wouldn’t tolerate anyone hurting her son but Hawke deserved to know. And she was hurt just enough to be petty about it.

“You should know Hawke. I was three months pregnant when you left Kirkwall after the Chantry explosion. Once we deal with Crestwood and your Warden contact, I’ll introduce you to your son.” Alissa headed up the stairs leaving Hawke staring at her back in disbelief.

#dadwc #alissa trevelyan x garrett hawke #trevelyan x hawke #oc: alissa trevelyan

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teaveetamer · 2 years ago

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I am curious, I've been watching the discourse going on for a bit without getting involved and at this point I feel like I have to ask.

What is the desired result here? Why are you engaging in the discourse at all? Clearly this is not a discussion, so what do you gain from interacting at all?

(I will send this to several people, just out of curiosity)

Alright anon allow me to explain what's been going on with me on my end.

The year is 2019 (yes, we're doing this). FE3H has just come out. I play it and rather enjoy it actually. I've got a couple of ships that I'm into, some fanfic I want to write, etc.

I go onto Reddit to chat with people about the game. Now I don't really like Edelgard, but I'm chill, I'm open to discussing the game and getting alternate viewpoints. Initially it's more or less fine.

Then some posts start coming up. People start getting really aggressive about this. I'm trying to have a conversation, but it feels like their goal is just to shout me down. I get in arguments, I get in fights, I get misgendered, I get called a bigot, I get frustrated, I get ablest rhetoric spewed at me, and I waste my life.

Stop. Take a look at myself. I'm literally sitting here arguing about Edelgard von fucking Hresvelg for hours of my day. I'm annoyed, I'm irritated, I'm always in a bad mood. Ugh.

Now it's 2020, early times I think. I resolve to stop looking at Reddit so much with regard to this game. It's not worth the hassle and the frustration. I should be, like, out doing things and having fun not wasting my time arguing with a bunch of weirdos on the internet. I want to have fun again, not be angry. I delete the Reddit app from my phone and install a blocker on my web browsers, even.

Start using Tumblr for more than just shippy stuff, and find people who agree with me, who are saying the things I've been saying. I stop feeling crazy for liking the game the way I like it. I make a few posts on my main blog but you know what, I don't really want my main blog embroiled in this shit, though I want to add my voice to the conversation. So I make this side blog.

Make some posts. I get flooded with asks from other people about the game, saying they agree with me and they're thankful that they aren't the only ones who think the way I do. I think within like a month of existing this blog had double the posts of my main blog (which has existed since 2016, so for four years at that point), most of them from asks.

The blog was initially for me to vent and throw in my two cents here and there, but I figure I'll keep it around in regular use because people seem to be benefiting from it.

Early on I tried to establish a rule for myself that 1) I wasn't going to go looking in any main tags (e.g. the Edelgard or Edelgard Positive tags) for stuff to reblog or talk about, and 2) I wasn't going to go into any Edelgard specific spaces looking for stuff to talk about (e.g. r/Edelgard or even Dimitri-critical tags). However, anything maintagged that was looking for a fight (e.g. a Dimitri-critical post in the main Dimitri tag) was fair game.

I'm not perfect, but I did try to stick to that rule. I talked about things that happened on the main FE Sub or FEH sub. I did my best to encourage my anons to not go seeking out stuff to bring back to me from Edelgard spaces. After all, this blog was meant for venting and having my own personal space where I could talk about my views without getting accosted. I thought it would be petty for me to go bring back stuff from other places.

Moving into 2021, I was kind of done with 3H. I was still getting like dozens of asks a day about 3H discourse. I'd answer one and five more would pop up in their place. By now we're like, well beyond 3x or 4x the amount of posts I have on my main blog. I'm getting kind of tired of it. It's a lot of the same points over and over and over. We're in pandemic times, so I can't even walk away from it and do something else IRL for a while before coming back to it. I feel like I'm wasting my life again. I feel like I've said anything and everything I could have possibly said about the subject. I ask people to stop talking to me about Edelgard. Eventually, everyone mostly obliges.

I still chat about it here and there, but I'm chatting about other stuff too. This blog is still about venting just about venting about more than 3H. A lot more petty fandom shit in general.

Now we're in, like, 2022. I don't remember exactly, Pandemic Time makes some of this a bit of a blur. I notice a new kid on the block, doing basically what I'd noticed happening on Reddit. Going into the wrong tags. Picking fights. Posting things in the wrong tags. Picking fights.

I'm over it, I'm done, I don't want to deal with this shit anymore. I block the dude. Most people I know block the dude or ignore him. We figure he's new here, he just hasn't learned the etiquette.

He gets increasingly hostile. I'm not really paying that much attention, just getting info about it from the fringes. Again, we figure eventually he'll just go away if we ignore him.

Then Nilsh gets harassed off the platform.

My mutuals are getting increasingly hostile anons and combative reblogs.

At this point I'm relatively unaffected. I guess because I don't tag anything, so he didn't find it.

And you know what? I'm still like "he'll get bored. He'll leave eventually." We were all like "just ignore him, he'll leave eventually."

People try to explain tags to him. Try to help him curate his experience so he quits arguing with people who don't want to talk to him all the time.

Then Moonlitboar gets harassed off of the platform. They take the URL. He's bragging about having done it. He's spreading this vitriol to other platforms and convincing others to join in on the harassment.

And I'm like. Okay. This dude isn't leaving. This is what he wants. His goal isn't to talk about this game—his goal is to hurt us.

I unblock him and respond. We go back and forth. He stops... for a time.

Here's the thing. I didn't re-block him after that, and I didn't do that for a couple of reasons. First, because at this point I'm still hopeful that he's just unaware of what he's doing, and that he'll acknowledge how messed up it was and apologize. I'm all for second chances. The second, because he's dangerous and I'm worried that if I don't keep tabs on him, he's going to try to hurt me.

It's not long until he's doing the same shit again. He tries harassing BWIIDT, he tries harassing FantasyInvader, he tries harassing Ezra, he tries harassing RandomNameless, he tries harassing Emblemxeno, he tries harassing Gascon, he tries harassing people I've literally never even heard of. I keep calling him out, and he tries harassing me. He calls me hysterical, accuses me of acting like a victim. Tries to make me feel stupid and small by saying I don't have anything worth his attention to respond to.

(By the way dude, my point about that was that you were being misogynistic but treating discourse like it was only worth responding to if it came from a man. See, I noticed that you only liked to attack people you thought were cishet white men like yourself, even if we were saying basically the same things at times. The fact that you continue not "debunking" any of my posts doesn't upset me; it proves my point)

He blocks me. I can't say for certain why, but my bet is that he realized people were actually listening to what I had to say, and having a queer woman question the actions he purported to be for the benefit of queer women wasn't a great look for him.

He's still trying to harass me. He's taking screenshots, he's using my name, he's @ ing me. He's casually lying about me. He's using sexist rhetoric implying that I shouldn't be listened to because I'm just too ~in my feelings~ and he's the true victim of my hysterical victimized martyr complex (geez, you sure a a feminist ally for that one, aren't you?)

You know, I did actual research when one of my anons accused him of being a trump supporter and tried to lie about him? I burned an entire evening on that, because I didn't want to be spreading lies about people. Meanwhile he lets his anons casually and repeatedly misgender me without so much as a passing correction, and he hangs out with people who spread lies and slander accusing others of heinous crimes.

And you know what? If I knew it was going to be like this? I'd still waste that evening and correct that anon. It's not about getting a petty win or convincing people he's a bad person for me. It's about being respected.

So to get back to your question. Why am I doing this? Because I have to. Because I know that if I don't he's going to hurt someone else, just like how he hurt Nilsh and Moonlitboar. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, after all. We ignored him and he didn't leave, so now we have to say something.

What's the desired result? I want to be respected, like I've tried to respect them for almost the entirety of this blog's existence. I want my boundaries acknowledged. I want him to stop hurting people for no other reason than to hurt them, because they don't agree with him.

When will I stop? When he stops.

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perpetual-fool · 4 months ago

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I was not satisfied with my previous explanation, approximately "they're trying to manipulate me somehow".

In microcosm, there was an incident when I was very young. I was forced to be in a small, crowded room filled with lots of people I didn't know. I was extremely uncomfortable, I sat in a corner and stayed quiet. I was pulled into a side room, yelled at, and told I was 'being rude'. There was absolutely no explanation as to what 'rude' meant or how I was doing it. The only lesson to take from this was that I am innately evil. But yeah, reevaluating.

I had some speculation, but it kept raising more questions, and I just came back to the idea that all the pieces have to already be right here.

So, he was angry at my discomfort. And logically I know my discomfort can't have been evil. So he's upset at me for harm he is inflicting on me. I'm drawing on another incident where he insisted I had done something, which had nothing to do with him, specifically to make him feel a certain way. My guess, he saw I was uncomfortable and felt bad about it, and decided I was pretending to act that way on purpose to make him feel bad. That much is fairly certain, I don't think there's any other valid reading to make from this. Presumably he had the opportunity to consider that maybe he'd made a mistake, and decided no, this small child must be evil.

So people are getting upset not with me, but with an inversion of their feeling which they are projecting onto me.

Raises more questions. One, why would they feel bad if they don't care about the suffering of others? I'm speculating that it's social approval. That's a stretch for me because I have no idea what it's like. But if the 'good' has nothing to do with being good, then it must be a ruling of "good". Someone has merely declared it "good". I think would entail punishing anything 'weird' and rewarding anything 'normal'. Social logic would be very dysfunctional when dealing with not-people, and the only thing about it to explain would be "I think/feel this" or "normal people think/feel this".

… That was the day before yesterday. I think this resolved a great deal of stress. Though I don't feel relieved. I was very tired for most of a day, as if my body was worn out and I'd only just realized it. It's getting harder to stay focused on this, like it's suddenly not so important. And I'm finding I want to move on to the next most pressing issue, which has a whole different set of bad feelings. But I haven't stopped the 'piece of shit' thoughts so I'm not done.

Reevaluate, I guess? When I'm sorry for "being a piece of shit", what is it I'm actually sorry for? Being weird. Being 'socially unacceptable'. That's not what I would feel bad about though. What I would want is to connect and to make others happy. So, I'm sorry for being a kind of person who can only hurt and upset others. Yeah, "piece of shit" is framing that as a property of myself. Simple enough to say it's an interaction and not a property. Hard to say what they're getting upset about since they won't tell me. Going by social logic, I think they're upset because I'm implying they're wrong? And being open and earnest and making a damn good argument only exacerbates that. Say, right now I'm looking into water bottles. Suppose I try to be helpful and conclude that the best bottle for someone's use case is the Aquabucket, but they get upset because the socially virtuous bottle is the Hydrokeg. Should I feel bad about that? Easy version, not for anything before I figured this out. Equally meaningless, my existence should be harmless so long as I literally never interact with anyone. I don't think this perspective offers any way out.

Alternatively, it's not like others' feelings are getting beamed directly into my brain. I myself am wanting others to be happy. This is what I want. Selflessness is a form of selfishness and others' happiness is actually about my happiness. maybe. I should be considering this much the same way I do a game, where the thing I need to make it work well has been made impossible by design. So, abandon it and move on to something else? and don't get my hopes up next time. That's more of an accident though. That just happens to be my reaction, I haven't thought through it. One option is to recognize what they're doing and realize it's only going to leave me frustrated. Another is to recognize that things aren't getting better, and realize that probably this is exactly what's intended. At which point I stop playing. And ya' know, I've tried that plan, my body won't cooperate. So, everyone will always be working against me in a way I am physically incapable of understanding, the intended outcome is that I suffer forever until I die, and I can't leave the game. That's not better, I can't do anything with that.

That though started as "if this isn't making me happy, then I'll just focus on something that will". But how would I just ignore the fact that I'm profoundly evil in regard to the issue which is most important to me, by a wide margin? I am a tumor on the world and should have been put down no later than seven years old, it was obvious by then. I guess, it's been my last bastion of hope for awhile that I'm just misunderstood. Like, there were a couple times a person brought up being afraid of people, or shock at some horrible thing someone did. And I asked for clarification. And maybe they assumed I was implying the issue wasn't real or wasn't significant, and that's what upset them. When really I was so much deeper into it than they were that I didn't understand why they were telling me about a 'water is wet' type issue. But no. It was some kind of call-and-response that went right over my head. I wanted to understand, and then maybe figure out something I could say or do to make it better. And every last human being on earth besides me fucking despises that.

Yeah, I'll try to just ignore that and see how that goes.

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escape-rock-bottom · 2 years ago

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Ending the Blame Game.

If there’s one thing I can claim humans universally hate, it’s looking dumb and being at fault. Even just feeling that way is enough to set some of us off in some way. I haven’t met anyone who doesn’t resonate with this on some level. If this is just a psychologically ingrained behavior, it explains why we as humans are often resistant to taking accountability and admitting ignorance.

One of the most consistently discussed topics in the therapy and self-help worlds is the act of taking accountability. In essence, if you’re able to accept your faults and move on without taking it too personally, you can improve your relationships, confidence, and respectability.

However, it’s easier said than done. Often, the most beneficial changes are the hardest ones to incorporate into our lives in the long run. Simply put, most people would rather be in the right and know things and it’s all because of a combination of societal expectations and human psychology.

I’d argue that making the effort to hold back on closing off when you feel criticized or blamed and truly analyzing the situation instead of getting defensive or blaming yourself can help drastically improve communication and respectability. Think about it: Would you rather talk to someone who you always feel you have to watch your words around when you have a problem with something they did or someone you can actually confront and productively resolve a problem with?

Another interesting side effect of taking responsibility for your actions is that doing so often rubs off on others: You may find the people who are usually resistant to admitting fault will do so more often. You may even receive a deserved apology from otherwise stubborn individuals!

Lastly, you won’t have to add things to your emotional baggage. Admission leads to letting go. Seriously, who needs to sit there being annoyed and embarrassed at yourself that you were caught in the act of stealing sweets from the grab bowl consistently while you were supposed to be on a diet? How about not stewing in rage because a peer in your group at work outdid you and you blame yourself for not being more intelligent? That’s pretty lame to put that on yourself.

Personally, I am working on being less critical and defensive. It’s one of the traits of mine that drives me nuts honestly. There’s nothing more frustrating than someone doing something and acting like you’re the crazy one for doing it, but confronting the person by trying to get them to confess is pretty useless. Usually, they just get more agitated and then things blow out of proportion.

The opposite is when I actually am at fault but am approached in an accusatory manner. Instantly, I feel put on the spot and have the urge to defend myself. I don’t want to be judged! However, getting defensive garners the exact same result: I get agitated and things escalate. Productive communication or compromise is now out of the question, and now I’m angry and the other person is annoyed.

It’s difficult to put my pride and annoyance aside and actually face the problem with a clear mind. It’s even harder to admit fault in front of a person who loves to point out every little mistake you make. However, you take the power back. Saying “Yeah, I did do that.” usually disarms the person trying to get a rise out of you. Also, arguments never turn into full blown shouting matches when you just hold back your immediate reaction.

The trick here is a simple yet consistent exercise of awareness and reframing. Be aware of what’s being said, be aware of your emotions and thoughts, stop yourself there and rework your thinking. Putting your logical brain before your emotional brain is a hard skill to master, but a wonderful power to have. The most agreeable people possess this trait, and when faced with issues, lessons are actually learned and resolutions are made.

Honestly, the most important reason behind this claim is the impact it will have on your relationships and your self-perception. Learning when to accept fault, when to stand your ground, or when to just drop it and come back to it later not only gives you mental and emotional stability but also more agreeability. People will quickly learn that criticizing or blaming you does nothing more than get a simple “yes, I did that” or “no, that wasn’t me” and will not prime themselves for an altercation with you.

It’s amazing how far neutrally approached conversation can get a relationship. There’s less room for misunderstandings and pain, and more room to really unravel the issues that caused the confrontation in the first place. All in all, consider building this skill if you want to improve your relationships and emotional control.

And remember: more often than not, your mistakes are not a judge of your character, nor are they when another person points them out. It's annoying, yes, but it's a necessary way to communicate the need for compromise or resolve in a relationship.

#self awareness #self improvement #defensiveness #improving relationships

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fluffghostrp · 2 years ago

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16. How much does it take for you to get angry/upset? How long does it usually last?

Salt // accepting

It is INCREDIBLY difficult to get me angry. Like, i'm one of those people who are said to have the patience of a saint.

It's about half due to only recently (within the last few years) getting the ability to properly feel the entire emotional spectrum again (medication is amazing and depression is a bitch). And the other half is from just living up in a constantly chaotic and stressful environment 24/7, so it's a learned life skill to Not Be Angry, and to think very very critically about what is being put in front of me, even if it's being delivered in the most hostile way imaginable. Because that may not be what is intended, and the person delivering said aggression just doesn't know how they're coming off.

More often than not i've learned, is that it's simply stress speaking - and that the irritation was entirely unintended, or may be taking an outlet and the person may not even realize it. A very calm demeanor, focused on them and their point of view, to get them to explain where they're coming from? it goes such a long way to resolving arguments for good and in a way they won't occur again in the future - and often lets you not only get a better read on the person you're dealing with for who they earnestly are, but also a change to potentially form a better bond with them - it lets them know that you aren't going to just brush them off because they're irritated, and are trying to reach out and connect.

Good friend says something unexpected or downright godawful? Someone does something absolutely horrid to you specifically? Just let them explain themselves, quietly walk them through their mental hoops so that you can figure out where they're coming from. You always need to hear what's going on from the other side's perspective - so long as they're just frustrated and not actively attempting to provoke a problem? They're usually more than willing to hear someone else's perspective. Just don't be aggressive towards them, even if they're being aggressive towards you.

That being said, all of that only works if it is truly a misunderstanding - get out of dodge if it’s true hostility and not just accidental.

Now, it is possible to make me properly angry, and a few specific triggers can achieve that. Ie: the entire nsfw stuff which i've already covered. i've discovered that having that content show up unexpectedly can make me fly into a panic-induced rage, and it often takes me a good few hours of disconnecting from whatever social media caused it (or all social media in general) before being able to calm down and get my nerves under control.

But that's really about it, when it comes to honest-to-god angry. I can count on one hand the number of people who i've never once found it in me to forgive, or am still holding grudges over. and those instances are only because they hurt me directly in ways that affected me irrepairably in irl. it is not an anger i've ever had rise up against someone online - no-one's done anything to the same degree of pure hatred.

Truthfully, before i was on medication - and i've only honestly realized entire anger thing after getting on it - i was actually very emotionally dead. couldn't feel happy, couldn't feel sad. if i ever did, it was always a rare, once-in-a-blue-moon/once-per-year ordeal, where you Remember That Stuff if it managed to make a big enough impact on you to even budge you one way or the other. i could emulate or fake the feelings yeah, but the medication literally reunited me with emotions i hadn't truly felt in decades.

Beyond that, because that is a goddamn feat that is very much an outlier scenario and very specific at that?

Being considered a pure innocent uwu bean who can't go near nsfw or similarly harsh adult topics and/or being considered akin to a kid and needing to be protected as one? Also a good way to make me irritated (since it's an asexual microaggression). That one is one that i'm much more consciously aware of and have control over, so i try to temper myself on it. i know that a lot of folks aren't actually aware of that bit with asexuality.

#⧉ meme #those times when you realize you are filled with rage but can't FEEL the rage #and you've been that way for ages #and you just didn't feel a thing #is such a goddamn weird feeling

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eternal-armin · 3 years ago

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violent. ii

vi finally gets to apologize to you and make up with you in private. reader: neutral. i'm sorry for not uploading much content recently. i'm still trying to deal with the loss of my friend and work stress, and now my mom suddenly wants back into my life. i have a few ideas and requests that i'm trying to work on. thank you for your patience everyone <3

vi tried to apologize to you in many ways after the argument, all of which were returned with a shaky "please leave me alone, violet." each time her heart broke a little more and her resolve got stronger. you didn't have to date her again, you didn't ever have to do that. she just wanted to make things right. she had certainly failed that before.

how could she have ever gone this far? she had noticed how even small white lies scared and hurt you. but you had been getting better with that. you were able to trust her, to handle it and understand.

you were so much stronger than she ever gave you credit for.

and that's why she was trying so hard to just talk to you again. vi wasn't all that proud of it... but she asked ekko to help her out with that.

"let me go!" you struggled. every movement was futile. with your wounds still sore and bandaged, there wasn't much you could do.

"i'm sorry, but someone wants to meet with you."

you were shoved not all that gently into a room, falling and catching yourself with your hands. even though you tried to get up quickly, the door was shut when you turned back around.

"fuck," you mumbled to yourself, feeling utterly defeated. all you wanted was a damn day to yourself. you had so much to process- but no. no, you were destined to be bugged and annoyed and now kidnapped because suddenly you were oh-so popular. mainly with one person. you turned to face the room, leaning back against the door.

"you're kidding me."

stepping forward, vi gave you a halfhearted smile. "hey, [y/n]."

"what is all this about, violet? i'm so tired of this," your voice cracked. admittedly, you couldn't look at her very long. sometimes you had to look away. it hurt a lot to look her in the eye.

"i know, and i'm sorry. i really am. i just want to make things right. you don't ever have to be nice to me ever again. but i need to make sure you know i'm... i'm actually sorry." she massaged her inner elbow with her opposite hand. unlike you, she could maintain eye contact, albeit one-sided.

"so you kidnapped me?" you responded, sounding as tired as you looked.

"you wouldn't listen to me, [y/n], i had no other choice," vi insisted. "i needed to talk to you, and soon. okay?"

"once again, so you kidnapped me? violet, sometimes people need space. especially after something like what you did. i needed space." you hesitated, pressing your lips into a fine line. "you never really respected that." now your gaze dropped and it didn't rise back up again.

"it was the worst thing i could've ever done, i recognize that now. i damaged your trust, i hurt you more, you have every right to cry and be upset and be angry. i apologize for everything i said. none of it was true. you are strong, y'know.. and i didn't." every word seemed to be more humbling to her. it wasn't every day that she so much muttered the words 'i'm sorry', even to you. her apology did strike a chord with you. "you are strong and you are brave and you're one of the most incredible people in the world. i was such a dick to do that to you. if you ever gave me a second chance, i would never do it again."

as badly as she made your heart ached, your heart ached more to simply feel her touch again. her strong hugs and happy kisses.

"what if you get that mad again?" you asked. you spoke cautiously, modulating your voice. it was the same as when you and vi first met; you couldn't show too much.

if you ever looked up to see it, there was some abstract form of hope in her eyes, like she was too scared to let the flame grow too bright. "i can't promise it'll never happen again, no matter how much i want to. but i'll try. i'll do whatever it takes to make sure you're safe. and before you say it, i know i've made that promise before, i know."

"so why is this time any different? why should i trust you with any part of me anymore?"

she hesitated. "i learned. i-i learned, and i know i won't cross that line with you again. i couldn't stand seeing how hurt you were, [y/n]. i deserved what you said. i regretted everything i ever said that night and none of it was true. i'm sorry, i really am. if you decide to give me another chance, i'll change. i'll pinky promise if you want me to."

for a moment you wanted to crack a little smile. your mind was overwhelmed by small vignettes of every time you'd pinky promised something before. the childish little grins you both had, kissing the others' pinky. until the big argument, none of those promises had ever been broken.

you were quiet for a moment. over the past few days you had dearly missed vi. sleeping wasn't the same without her spooning you, playing with your hair until you passed out. your heart ached for her. so you held out your hand, pinky raised.

vi just looked at you for a moment.

"well? you said it yourself. pinky promise me."

perhaps she tried to hide it, but you could see the color and life return to her eyes. she stepped forward, gently wrapping her little finger around yours.

"i promise to change and to never hurt you like that again, and to cherish you the way i should've before." she pressed a kiss to the tip of your finger, never taking her cautious, adoring gaze off of your eyes. your pretty eyes she could get lost in again.

"i promise-"

"you don't have to promise me anything."

"i want to, vi. i promise to try and... talk to you more. to try and trust you more."

it sounded like wedding vows. for some reason that made you really want to cry.

you returned the kiss to her finger, so delicately it was like something from a butterfly. the smile she bore was both hesitant and overwhelmed with adoration. once your hands disconnected, she pulled you into a hug- this one softer than usual, just to be able to fully treasure having you back.

"i-i'm so sorry. i've said it so much but i am. i love you so, so, so much. i was such a dick." both of you laughed at the last part as you nuzzled back into your usual spot in her neck.

"i love you more," was your innocently saccharine response.

"i love you most."

you sniffled, hearing those words again. it was like a tender, loving hug to your heart. you felt her hand gently support the back of your head, caressing your hair with her thumb. being encompassed once again in her strong arms was like being enveloped by heaven. sometimes new beginnings had to be seasoned with mistakes.

"you don't have anywhere to be, right, cupcake?" vi asked, her voice still soft as per the new usual.

"why?"

"i... wanna hold you like this for a while. if you don't want to, that's fine, i just-"

"that sounds nice. i wouldn't mind at all."

you didn't have to look at vi to see the smile which blossomed over her features. she held you a little bit tighter, peppering kisses on top of your head. "thank you, cutie. still as precious as ever."

keys jangled in the main door before it creaked open. "no one got killed during this reunion, right?" ekko poked his head in. his question answered itself, seeing vi seated against the wall with you in her lap, leaning against her, seemingly having the first good nap in a while.

vi immediately shot him a glare, mouthing an exaggerated 'they're asleep.'

he raised his hands in surrender. "alright, alright. i'll leave you two be. don't have too much fun. you still gotta dip in, like, fourty minutes."

"shhhh!"

#vi arcane #vi x y/n #vi x reader #vi x you #arcane netflix #arcane #arcane x gn reader #arcane x female reader #arcane x y/n #arcane x reader #arcane x you #arcane x gender neutral reader #vi x gender neutral reader #vi x gn reader #angst fic #angst #angst to fluff fic #angst to fluff #angst to comfort

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aminiatureworld · 4 years ago

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Careless Words

Characters: Albedo, Childe, Xiao, gn!reader

Word Count: 4,114

Warnings: Brief depiction of drunken character, swearing

Premise: Words are thrown around so carelessly, phrases, endearments, accusations. But when all is gone and only the words remain it can be difficult to pick up the pieces.

In which the reader and their s/o argue and make up.

Author’s Note: Ended up spending a good two hours on Albedo’s bit alone, wow I got carried away with this. Also I feel so bad for Childe, I’m sorry!

Not proofread cause I ran out of time, will do so tomorrow.

Albedo

“Do you even respect what I do?” Those words kept ringing through your ears, a bitter litany that fueled your anger just as it began to fade. Do you even respect what I do?

Of course you did, you respected him and his work very much, it was one of the first things that had drawn you to him, his inquisitiveness, his eternal questions, his determination to unlock the secrets of the world.

But really could he not do all that in his lab where all of his experiments and equipment belonged?

At first you hadn’t really paid attention, it was just a few plants after all. When you’d asked what they were for Albedo had smiled eagerly, replying that he wanted to see how different plants, especially those infused with elements, reacted to sunlight. You had just smiled then, although you were slightly worried about the mist flower freezing the ground around it. Still, it was a mundane enough experiment, and the plants looked very pretty on the windowsill. Nothing to worry about.

Well evidently that wasn’t quite the case because one experiment morphed into two morphed into five morphed into ten, until there seemed barely enough room to live among the beakers and graduated cylinders, the odd smells emanating from the various petri dishes which now scattered the coffee tables and the dressers.

It was becoming a nuisance, plain and simple. More than a few times you’d managed to almost tip something over, trying to grab a book off a shelf that was crammed with small boxes of various specimen, or almost putting a pot down on a counter covered with vials of whooper-flower nectars. You couldn’t live like this, and though you wanted to let Albedo carry on as uninhibited as possible, it couldn’t go on any longer. You were going to scream.

“Albedo, can we talk?”

“Of course.” Albedo looked up from the microscope he’d managed to cram on the coffee table. You let out a smile that quickly morphed into a grimace, making your way to the couch, careful not to bump into the table.

“Albedo, I love your passion in all that you do, but you really do have to tidy up a bit. I’m sorry I know it’s a bit of an inconvenience, but it’s just becoming a little difficult, you understand?”

“It’s only a few experiments.” Albedo replied, gaze still fixated on whatever he was observing. You felt a twinge of frustration, had he even heard you?

“This is serious Albedo. I don’t want to ruin any of your experiments, but it’s really becoming an impossible situation. We can barely cook for fear of crashing into something, and I’ve started waking up to the smell of fire flowers burning. Can’t you move one or two things into your laboratory?” You tried to keep your tone light, hoping that this time would be more successful. It was very irritating to feel like you weren’t being heard.

“I have an important experiment going on at the lab. It needs space and air. So I’m just moving everything here for the time being.”

“How long is that going to take?” You asked, once again feeling frustration rising up. He couldn’t even look up at you.

“Three weeks or so.”

“Three weeks?” You couldn’t help but let out a cry. “Albedo I’m sorry I cannot live like this for three weeks.”

“Why not.” It wasn’t even a question.

“Please look at me.” You finally said, tone dropping to one that made no attempt to hide your growing irritation. Albedo let out a curt sigh, glancing over at you with a disinterested sort of gaze. “You have to move some of this stuff out Albedo. It would be one thing if it was a week, but three? We can barely live right now, what are we supposed to do for the next three weeks?”

“I don’t know.” Albedo scowled in a dismissive tone. “I think you’re making too much of it.”

“And I think you aren’t listening. Are you even hearing what I’m saying? Even processing the situation? Or are you so focused on that microscope that you can’t see that your partner is besides themselves.”

“You seem fine to me,” Albedo’s tone continued its aloof cadence, “I don’t see why you can’t just wait three weeks. You’re being awfully demanding.”

“I…” for a moment you were speechless, feeling as if you were fighting a losing battle, why was it so much easier for Albedo so say words that meant nothing at all while you were quickly finding yourself losing your cool? “You aren’t listening to me!” You finally managed to get out, knowing by this time you were awfully close to shouting but too frustrated to care.

“And you aren’t listening to me,” Albedo’s tone finally began to inch into something a little more emotional, you weren’t sure why but it gave you a hint of satisfaction, “do you even respect what I do? Or are you too wrapped up in yourself.”

It was like getting punched in the gut.

“Fine.” You stepped away almost knocking into a dresser crammed with empty equipment. For a moment you wondered what you could say that would hurt him so much but quickly gave it up. You were too angry to think straight anyways; right now you just wanted to get out.

“Where are you going?” Albedo’s tone seemed to have shrunk back to its previous range.

You didn’t even respond, not bothering to gather anything up as you made your way to the door. Albedo called out your name once. You responded by slamming the door as hard as you could on your way out.

•

At first Albedo simply went back to his observations, trying to ignore the negative feelings that churned inside him. How dare you, he thought, how dare you take him and his work so lightly. Maybe it was good that you were getting out of the house, Albedo wasn’t sure how long he could’ve lasted until he lapsed into that horrible shrieking as well. “How embarrassing.” He murmured to himself, as if that would drown the unease. Still the fight was new and the emotions were raw. He wasn’t about to ponder the matter anytime soon.

This carefree attitude slipped a bit when you didn’t come home for dinner. Still he simply sighed and went to cook for himself. By now his anger had cooled extensively and he was beginning to feel a bitter sort of regret. Maybe he had been to harsh, though he still wasn’t ready to admit he was wrong. No, you were just being dramatic, and though he should’ve been kinder with you, backing down was absolutely not on the table for him. He cared about his work after all, cared deeply; he couldn’t just stop because it was inconvenient to you. Moving a few vials out of the way Albedo laid out the chopping block. The amount of pasta he’d bought looked comical against the knowledge that he was going to be eating alone tonight.

Dinner was a sad affair. Somehow Albedo had gotten used to cooking with you, your proximity, your easy conversation, the way the one who finished their food first always pushed their chair next to the slower party, usually to lean their head on the other ones shoulder which while not necessarily comfortable was certainly relaxing. It was lonely now, and the loneliness only grew as Albedo lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. Tomorrow would be better. Still he lay there, thoughts scattered and hazy. Was he in the wrong? He couldn’t tell. But certainly he was in the wrong now, in the wrong for not being with you like usual, for not reacting when you left, for still being unable to react now.

It was that thought that eventually lulled him to sleep.

Albedo woke up to the most horrible smell. Squinting he sat up, trying to figure out what in the world was going on. The smell was vaguely akin to burning flesh, but it that flesh was also experiencing a bad case of freezer burn. Fighting the urge to gag Albedo stumbled around. Once he got to the living room he groaned. Some ammonia had managed to fall of the shelf and spill onto all the flowers he’d propped on the roof. Crinkling his nose he went to clean it up, but found it took about twenty minutes just to find where he’d put the tools for properly disposing equipment and bio-experiments.

By the time he was done the final shreds of his resolve had utterly dissipated. You were right. You were absolutely right and he absolutely needed to tell you. Barely stopping by the lab to throw the bags of ruined equipment in the trash he sprinted down the streets of Mondstadt. He hoped that he arrived at the Guild in time.

Albedo spied you just as your were getting your commissions handed to you. Calling out he stopped slightly as you turned to look at him with a weary gaze. Clearly you were still upset about the matter, and for a moment Albedo wondered whether or not he should just turn and leave. But he knew that wouldn’t help either. Nothing would help until he apologized, and that was exactly what he was going to you.

“Albedo I-”

“I’m so sorry,” Albedo blurted out, not wanting to give you a chance to misconstrue his actions, “I am truly so sorry my darling. You were absolutely right, and I shouldn’t have dismissed you like that. I am so deeply sorry.”

“Albedo,” you replied, voice sort of quiet in a way that worried him, “I’m very glad to accept your apology for that, I’m sorry for snapping at you, only…”

“Only?”

“Only did you mean what you said when you asked if I even cared? Do you think I am so selfish or so careless. I understand of course that words said in arguments are ones no one really thinks of, but I still want to know.” You glanced away, trailing off and Albedo felt his heart seize and a wave of guilt poured over him.

“Of course not!” Albedo stepped closer to you. “May I?” He opened his arms and you nodded briefly before closing the room between you two.

You buried your face in his shoulder, not wanting to look up. “I’m so sorry my darling,” Albedo whispered, running circles along your back. “I’m so sorry for making you question you and how I saw you like that. You’re right, I wasn’t thinking. I was the one too wrapped up in myself, in my work, and for that I am so deeply sorry.”

“It’s alright,” you mumbled, just happy to be as you’d been before. Arguments were always unpleasant, no matter what, but now it was all said and done and you could be yourselves again.

“Would you like to eat lunch together?” Albedo ventured, smiling when you looked up and gave a soft “yes”. The relief he felt was overwhelming and he vowed next time to be more careful.

One can get over arguments, but words are difficult to take back.

Childe

Although you disliked the Fatui in a vague, formal sort of way, that hatred had never truly been honed until you’d met Dottore.

At first you weren’t able to pinpoint what it was. Perhaps it was his erratic gaze, his odd smile, the way that he seemed to look at everything as if it was something to dissect – something which made you extremely uncomfortable. But then your dislike was given a proper motive when he and Childe went out one evening and your partner came back so plastered he didn’t seem to know who you were.

“Sorry about that dear.” Childe has laughed the day after, honestly how this man never seemed to have a proper hangover you didn’t know, not that he was drunk around you very often, something you appreciated greatly.

“Just don’t do it again.” You’d replied, frowning slightly. “That Dottore is a bad influence.”

“Awh, he’s not that bad,” Childe grinned, carelessly tossing about a book he had been reading, “not as bad as half the others anyways.”

“Still, be careful,” you commented, “you don’t want this to be a regular thing do you?”

“Aren’t I always careful?” Childe shook off your worry with his characteristic charm. “Besides Dottore’s going to be called back for a report to the Tsaritsa in about two weeks. Might as well make what you can out of his company while it lasts.”

“Perhaps.” You commented, secretly thinking that day couldn’t come close enough. Still it was only once, and you trusted Childe. He didn’t seem to like any of the Fatui anyways. Hopefully that would keep him from the fiasco of knocking down your door at 3:00.

But that didn’t stop him from doing it the next night, or the night after, or the night after. By night five you were absolutely done.

“Childe you have to stop this, you’re going to kill yourself the way you’re drinking.”

“You’re making too much of a fuss my dear,” Childe flitted his hand in the air as if batting away your concern, “if you think this is a lot you should see the sprees people go on in Snezhnaya. Honestly it’s only a little bit of fun, you know how hard it is to relax as a member of the Fatui in Liyue. Drinking buddies are hard to find, especially those who share my skill.”

“It’s more than a little bit of fun. Honestly Childe if I took this week by itself I’d think you were halfway to alcoholism! And I don’t appreciate you dragging me out of bed in the middle of the night, for fear you’d fall down the stairs if I left you and hurt yourself. It’s uncomfortable, seeing you so drunk.”

“Why?” Childe’s tone was still playful, but his eyes were narrowed slightly. Good. At least then he was listening to you.

“Have you ever interacted with a drunk person? Especially a drunk person on their fifth bender that week? It’s uncomfortable whether or not you know them and if you do it’s downright terrifying. Childe, I care about you and your health. And I’m begging you please stop these nights.”

“It’s fine.” Childe’s voice was growing harder by the moment. “I told you I can handle it, why do you have to pester so much?”

“Because I care about you!”

“Well maybe you should care a bit less.”

Childe stood up, making his way to the door. You knew that he was going to the Bank, knew that he was going to be out that night, but you said nothing. For now Childe’s sentence rang through your head. How could something so short be so painful. Shaking your head you moved to get your own equipment. Today was going to be a painful day.

You’d half expected the knock not to come, but sure enough it did. Turning to the clock you groaned inwardly. 3:45. Getting up you made your way to the door. Opening it you nearly slipped as your partner leaned on you. There was vodka on his breath and it made you feel as if you had no air. His words rattled through your head, refusing to leave since you’d first heard them. Maybe you should care a bit less. Fine, you would.

“Comrade?” Childe let out weakly. That was a new one. You made your way to the elevator and shoved him in there, making sure to angle it so he wouldn’t concuss himself.

“Get sober somewhere else.” And with that you slammed the button for the lobby floor, running out as the doors closed behind you. Childe made a strangled cry of protest but you didn’t care. You just wanted to sleep, and to forget. Maybe you should care less. Well why did it hurt to do so?

•

Childe squinted as a few rays of sun hit him square in the face. What was going on? Groaning he moved to reach for some blanket before realizing there was none. Shaking his head and ignoring the pounding headache that glanced right behind his eyelids he looked around. His mind was running as slow as it seemed possible to run but the minute it registered Childe felt himself flooded with embarrassment. A bench.

He was on a bench. Childe, Tartaglia, the Harbinger who had almost sunk Liyue. Said Harbinger was now sleeping on a bench, not because he’d fallen on hard times, not because of any reason that was understandable, but because he’d gotten too drunk to make it home.

No, not quite. Childe reached back into his memory, trying to piece together the night before. He had made it home, to your home, but you’d kicked him out. At first Childe felt a swell of irritation, but slowly but surely his memory caught up and he recalled the argument the morning before. He’d said something, hadn’t he. What was it?

Oh. Oh fuck.

Running back to your apartment he tried to straighten himself up, as if it wasn’t painfully obvious that he wasn’t nursing the worse sort of hangover. Damn he really relied on you. He relied on you and now he’d fucked up and now he needed to apologize.

Unfortunately his brain had only gotten that far so when you opened the door there was a bit of a pause, as he tried to think of what to say, words being drowned out by the pounding in his head.

“What do you want Childe?” You sighed, looking more depressed than anything. Childe felt a twinge of regret, but still the words wouldn’t come, not properly anyways, he must’ve still been a little drunk.

“I’m sorry.” Childe began, figuring that was the best way to go. “I’m sorry. Thank you and I’m sorry.”

“Thank you?” You tilted your head. “Are you sure you aren’t still drunk? I told you to sober up somewhere else.”

“Yes, I know, and I don’t know. But thank you for caring. And for looking after me. And I’m sorry.”

There was another pause, before you sighed.

“Come in.” You gestured, opening the door wider. Childe smiled weakly.

“Thank you.”

“Thank me later. I want to see you straightened up. And I want you to stop drinking like that.”

“I will.” Childe promised, making his way to the bedroom, wanting nothing more than to smash his face into a pillow. “Dottore was bad company anyways. Dear?”

“Yes?” You asked, still feeling a little shy. Perhaps you should’ve been more angry, but arguing always sat with you wrong. As did throwing Childe out.

“Thank you for caring.”

“You already said that.” You pointed out, finally cracking a smile, something that Childe mirrored, seeming somehow relieved.

“I know. But thank you.”

“Thank you for listening then.” You replied closing the blinds as Childe flopped onto the bed, sighing happily. “And thank you for forgiving me for kicking you out.”

“So callous.” Childe muttered, barely hearing your slight laugh as he drifted off to sleep.

Xiao

You hadn’t wanted to fight, not at all. Your relationship was still so young after all, so raw, but you couldn’t help it. And now, as you watched Xiao disappear into thin air, you felt the sour taste of fear mixed with anger and regret. You’d almost forgotten really, how quickly an adeptus can vanish.

The point of contention had been your commissions. While Xiao said nothing against them verbally, you could tell that your newfound partner was dissatisfied by your constant comings and goings, something made worse by your recent string of long trips. And it had all come to a head when you announced you’d be gone a month, traveling into Inazuma via a covert nautical route – thank you Beidou – before delivering a few papers to the Monstadt embassy, most being passports and travel papers for diplomats who let theirs expire. Xiao had listened to the scheme, glared becoming more and more pronounced as you went on. And when you were done he just shook his head and crossed his arms.

“You aren’t going.”

“What do you mean I’m not going?” You asked, confused.

“You aren’t going. For the love of the Seven, what kind of partner let’s their loved one smuggle themselves into a country with no chance of reprieve if something goes wrong and with no contact for a month? You aren’t going.”

“I’m going whether you like it or not,” you replied, irritation quickly running through your voice, “it’s fine Xiao, many people have done this before. And we need to get those Liyue diplomats home. Honestly, I’m not sure why you aren’t proud of me, proud of what I’m doing.”

“Because you’re putting yourself in needless danger and breaking the law for a few people who I’m sure could do just fine themselves.”

“You can’t just keep me from being an Adventurer Xiao. You can’t keep me from doing my job.”

“I told you it’s because I care about you.”

“No, it’s because you’re putting yourself above the needs of both myself and your own land. Xiao, don’t you care about Liyue?”

“I care about the land,” his voice was like stone, and when you glanced into his eyes for a moment they seemed truly without empathy or care, the gaze of an adeptus who understood nothing of the human world, “humanity can rot.”

“I’m a human,” you pointed out, voice soft. “Don’t you care about me.”

For a moment recognition flitted through Xiao’s expression and he seemed almost regretful. Then his gaze hardened over once more.

“You aren’t going.” And with that he disappeared.

•

It took Xiao approximately ten minutes to regret the entire situation. Being angry for long periods of time wasn’t necessarily an alien emotion to Xiao – sometimes he felt as if he carried anger everywhere he went – but anger at you certainly was, and no sooner had it arrived then it was fading away, replaced instead with a deep sense of shame and guilt.

Why was he so upset? Was it really out of care for you? Yes, he decided, there was that aspect to it. But there was something more, something less noble. He was afraid, he was afraid for you. He was afraid you’d be arrested, or your ship would succumb to the open ocean, or you’d be betrayed, or…

Thoughts fluttered in and out of Xiao’s mind, each one more outlandish than the rest. Behind them said the same thing. He was afraid. You were right, he was afraid.

Did he care about humans? No, Xiao could say that with certainty. Not the way humans cared about each other, the way the humans cared about the adepti, when they thought about them. Xiao hadn’t cared for humans for a very long time. Even the karma that he kept from wreaking the land was exorcised, not because of humans, but because it was his duty. He didn’t care about humans, not really.

But he did care about you. He cared about you and he didn’t want to keep you from what you loved in return. Not like he didn’t know you would go do your mission anyways. You would do your mission and if Xiao wasn’t careful the weeks of cultivating an acquaintanceship, and friendship, and then more would be ruined. And he’d just be left, watching and waiting, wondering if you’d be alright.

Xiao was thankful that you hadn’t left the balcony of the Inn. Appearing before you he reached out to hug you before hesitating.

“You can go.” He murmured, knowing that wasn’t ever a question.

“I’m going.”

“And I’m sorry.”

“I wish you hadn’t disappeared like that.” You frowned, but Xiao shook his head. Was that the worst he’d done?

“No, I’m sorry for saying you couldn’t go. I’m sorry for not caring. I’m sorry.”

You furrowed your brow in a familiar expression and Xiao nodded slightly. Hurrying to embrace him you shook your head, still not over what had just transpired so quickly.

“Your eyes were so cold.” You murmured.

“I’m sorry.” Xiao murmured again, hugging you tightly.

“Don’t be.” You replied. “Just, stay like this a little longer.” Xiao was all to happy to comply.

It was easy to forget Xiao was an adeptus sometimes, that he still had that side of him, those cold eyes, that brusque demeanor. But even if that sometimes threw you off, even if you argued and worried and regretted, it would all be fine in the end.

Because you’d always return to a familiar embrace, and a shared love.

#so long I am SORRY #requested #albedo #childe #xiao #albedo x reader #childe x reader #xiao x reader #genshin impact #genshin impact fanfiction #my writing #scenarios

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thefanficmonster · 4 years ago

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What's It To You?

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Summary: To some people, relationship labels aren’t important. To some they aren’t important only in theory. Well, Y/N finds out she falls in the later category, leading to a falling out with her boyfriend Corpse.

Requested by Anon. You’ll know who you are when you read the fic 😉 Thank you for the ‘angsty argument’ request. I hope I captured what you had in mind and I hope you enjoy the read. Love, Vy 🥰

The time is nearing 7PM and Corpse has barely eaten anything. I always keep track of his meals and time spent in front of a computer screen, making sure he doesn’t spend too much time exhausting his eyes or starving himself. He never notices he’s hungry until he takes a bite of something and his appetite grows in matter of seconds. The real battle is to get him to take that first bite.

I get up from the couch, walking into the kitchen. I open the fridge, scanning its contents for any ideas that might pop into my head for dinner. When nothing comes to mind, I resort to my last option - asking him. There’s only a slight chance he’ll be of any help. He’ll most likely say he’s not hungry or that he’ll make himself something late. He never does. I’ve gotten used to him being a man-child when it comes to eating. In the eleven months that we’ve been dating, I’ve force fed him more times than he has eaten on his own terms.

I go upstairs, stopping outside the door to his recording room to see if he’s talking to someone so I don’t walk in and interrupt. When no noises come from the inside I knock.

“Come in.“

Upon opening the door, I’m met with Corpse nonchalantly sitting in his desk chair, leaning as back as he can without tipping over. Arms folded behind his head, legs stretched out in front of him. The whole nine yards, suggesting that he not streaming.

“Hey.“ He greets me as he turns his chair a bit in an attempt to face me

“Hey, what’d you like for dinner?“ He opens his mouth to reply the millisecond after I have spoken my question. I already know what that reply will be so I hurry to prevent it, “And no, ‘later’ and ‘I’m not hungry’ aren’t on the menu.“

He sighs, shaking his head as though he’s disappointed that I caught onto his game. The smile that slowly makes its way to his lips, however, suggests that he appreciates my concern. “Grilled cheese sandwiches? I mean, if you feel like it.”

I smile, relieved that the usual convincing portion of our interaction on this specific matter has been avoided. “Ok. Be down in fifteen then.” I give him a nod before heading back out into the hallway.

Before I am able to close the door, I hear someone else’s voice come from behind me. “Hey Corpse, was that on your end?”

Oh shit, he wasn’t muted

“Yeah man, sorry. Accidentally unmuted myself.“ Corpse sounds unbothered by this, but I am a little uneasy now.

Corpse and I have agreed to keep our relationship by a ‘won’t ask, won’t tell’ rule - if someone asks him if he’s in a relationship, he won’t lie and say no, but we haven’t gone public nor do we plan on doing so without someone asking us about it head-on. Well, not us. Him. His friends don’t know me and neither do his fans. I’m not in the same industry. I don’t stream nor film YouTube videos. The most I do for that platform is help Corpse with some editing when he needs to have a rest. So, if anyone were to reveal our relationship, it’d be him.

“Oooh, who was that?“ A girl’s voice asks teasingly. “Corpse, what are you not telling us?“

By this point, I’m out in the hall but I left my ears in the room. I know I’m not in the right here - eavesdropping is most definitely not nice, but I can’t help myself.

I hear him chuckle, “Nah, it’s just my friend Y/N.”

My heart drops so suddenly for a reason beyond my understanding. I feel like a kid feels when it’s told Santa isn’t real - I can’t believe what I heard.

I hurry to get back downstairs as soon as possible and also as quietly as I can. It’s tough, running with a pit in your stomach and a knot of I’m pretty sure is tears in your throat. When I’m finally in the kitchen, the aforementioned tears are blurring my vision. I try to blink them away but accidentally send one of them trickling down my cheek.

I’m aware this might be an overreaction and if I stopped to think I could probably find ways to justify what Corpse said. But I’m genuinely hurt, and I hate that I am.

I’ve never cared about what others know about me or think of me. Same goes for my relationships. I don’t put labels on things nor on my connection to people. I am surprised and disturbed by how much the label ‘friends’ bothers me. We’ve been dating for almost a year now, you’d think calling me his girlfriend would be second nature. Guess not.

I swallow the hurt and surprise, deciding to keep myself busy with the preparations for the dinner I was planning to make. However, keeping my hands full and giving my eyes a place to look doesn’t stop my thoughts from eating away at me.

* * *

Twenty minutes later the sound of a door opening echoes from upstairs, followed by the sound of footsteps going through the hallway and then down the stairs.

“It smells so good in here.“ He comments, his eyebrows raising when he takes in the freshly made sandwiches on the kitchen island. “You’re the best, Y/N.“

“Hmm, aren’t you lucky you have a friend who knows their way around the kitchen, huh?“ I reply sharply, not even sparing him a glance.

In the twenty minutes I was left alone with my wilding thoughts I declared that I wouldn’t beat around bush when he comes downstairs. That I would address the issue and tell him exactly how I feel about it. What I didn’t plan was being so harsh. I actually barely contain a wince when I realize how sharp of an edge my words had.

I feel ten times more guilty when I see the regret that flashes on his face, “You heard that.” He grips the edges of the table, leaning down and letting out a sigh, “I’m sorry, I panicked.”

The anger in me evaporates, leaving room for the hurt to keep spreading and take over me. I was never really angry with him, I’m just upset by the fact that his immediate reaction wasn’t to refer to me as his girlfriend.

“Why would you panic? What’s it to you if they know?“ My voice is barely above a whisper now, the tears I’m fighting back are clogging my throat, not allowing me to sound as clearly as I’d like.

“What’s it to you? I thought you didn’t care.“ He argues back, his gaze travelling from the tabletop to my eyes. I see the guilt in all his features and his body language.

“I thought so too.“ I shake my head, “But hearing you call me a ‘friend’...’just a friend’ stings. I don’t even know why, but it does. It feels almost like you are embarrassed of me. If that’s the case you can just tell me, you know?“

In a blink of an eye he’s crouched down in front of me, one hand holding both of mine while the other cups my cheek. “It’s not. It has never been and it will never be the case. You are one amazing person, Y/N. You deserve the world, not to be stuck with me. I’m just...” He trails off, his eyes not able to focus on mine any longer, “I’m scared of how people knowing about us will affect our relationship.”

My blood starts boiling again. I know I need to get away from him before I reach the point of saying something that’ll hurt him, so I untangle my hands from his grasp, pulling away from him. “Weak excuse, Corpse. You know it will change nothing except make me feel more included in your life. I will no longer feel like I’m a house rat no one knows about.” I stand up, unable to look at him, and start heading for the staircase.

“Y/N, please! ”I stop dead in my tracks when he calls out my name, his footsteps following behind me. “Don’t be...-”

I turn around, cutting him off in the process, “I need to be alone right now.” I tilt my head in the direction of the dining table, “Sit down and eat dinner. We’ll talk...later.”

* * *

Now that it’s been almost twelve hours with no contact between us I realize that my reaction was justified only to a certain extent. I understand his concerns and I could’ve expressed mine a little more calmly and in a lot less accusatory manner. But what happened happened and all I can do now is go over to him and apologize, establish a proper communication to resolve the issue that I so stupidly blew out of proportion.

My phone died sometime during the night and has been sitting on the charger but still turned off for a while. I go over to it and press-hold the start button. While it’s powering up I start changing my from my pajamas into my regular clothes, noticing a small stain on my shirt in the process. As I’m examining the stain, my phone starts going crazy with notifications, causing me to jump and drop my shirt.

“Fucking hell.” I mumble, disconnecting my phone from the charger and looking at the huge list of notifications on my lock screen. They are all alerts of new followers, likes and tags, non from people I know. Non except one.

@ corpse_husband tagged you in a post

Wait what?

I tap the notification which leads me to a picture Corpse posted two hours ago. It’s a picture of me taken in the living room without my knowledge. I’m an oversized sweater and yoga pants, my hair in a messy braid and my attention caught by the book in my hands. My glasses have slipped a bit down my nose, suggesting that I’m too concentrated on the contents of the pages in front of me that I haven’t noticed.

We started off as friends but it didn’t take long for her to become my best friend. And then she stole my heart. I know you’ll read this eventually, Y/N. So...hi. Love you.

PS - the sandwiches were bomb 🖤

I’m more than caught off guard. Like a surprise hug from behind, warmth spreading all throughout my body.

Without a second of hesitation I put my phone down and run to the bedroom door. However, I don’t make it very far considering I nearly run straight into Corpse’s chest as I exit the room. He catches me before I knock him straight to the ground, thankfully.

“Aren’t you a rocket this morning. Where are you headed?“ He chuckles, holding onto my upper arms.

One look at his smile, a single word out of his mouth and I’m melting. I walk straight into him, wrapping my arms around his torso, hiding my face in his chest. He comfortably rests his chin on the top of my head, not asking any further questions until I finally answer.

“Right here. I was heading for you.“ I whisper before I pull away enough to be able to look him in the eyes. “I wanted to tell you how sorry I am. I was being childish and overdramatic and I’m sorry about all I said. I was really upset.“

“It’s ok, baby. I’m sorry for making you upset in the first place. I understand now how much it means to you.“ He caresses my cheekbone with the back of his hand. “I...um...tried to make things right by...“

I push up on my toes, pressing my lips against his, putting an end to his timid stuttering. “I saw it.” I mumble in the kiss.

“Did you like it?“

“I loved it.“

“Did you read the comments?“

My heart skips a beat when I hear that dreaded term. Just the thought of reading through the comments terrifies me. I tell myself that some strangers’ words aren’t gonna have an impact on me, but I know they will. Especially since these ‘strangers’ mean so much to Corpse.

I shake my head. He pulls away, taking my hand and leading me towards the living room. “You have to. You’re gonna love them.”

I reluctantly follow him, plopping down on the couch next to him as he pulls out his phone and scrolls through the comment section of the picture he posted. He was right. All these people have said such things about me and about our relationship. Some verified names are also there, sharing their support much like the fans.

“See, this is why I was nervous. I’ll have to do duels for your attention now.“ He glances at me, leaning in and kissing my temple as he sometimes does so impulsively.

“You don’t do duels when you are already sitting at the throne. Right next to me.“ I once again capture his lips with mine, tempted to never pull away, but also tempted to keep reading the comments.

Damn, he might be right about the duels.

He takes his phone from me setting it aside as he slowly lifts me and settles me in his lap, never letting our lips detach.

Nevermind. Fuck the duels

@susceptible-but-siriusexual @simonsbluee @save-the-sky @hacker-ghost @itsminniekat @bi-andready-tocry @imtiredaffff @jazzkaurtheglorious @hereforbeebo @fandomgirl17 @chrysanthykios @maehemscorpyus @loraleiix @letsloveimagines @annshit @i-cant-choose-a-username-help @enigmaticmaze

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renjuseyo · 4 years ago

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seventeen reaction ; “you’re hurting me” (vocal unit)

warning: angst? again, not sure how to properly tag this

hip hop unit reaction performance unit reaction @noisytigercandy i hope this was okay! and again, i am in no way trying to romanticize the reactions or events that happen in here. everyone will react differently if this were to happen to them; i am not trying to push a certain kind of “thinking” to my readers. this is purely fictional! as always, feedback is greatly appreciated.

jeonghan

jeonghan is generally a laid-back guy, save for the times he becomes a cunning cheater during games. of all the members, he strikes me as the one that’s the most in control of his emotions. of course, like every human, he has his off days, too.

when jeonghan has a bad day, a short comment by you might make him defensive and spiteful. it’ll get blown out of proportion; if you two actually stopped to think about why you were arguing in the first place, you’d realize there isn’t a reason - at least not enough to justify his harshness. as his filter slips, so does his words. he doesn’t need to yell to emphasize his feelings; he’ll deliberately choose words that will hurt you, nothing like the teasing jokes he usually makes. unlike all of the times where he’s normally all bark and no bite, he has full intention on biting down. he’s angry and hurt, and he wants you to feel like him, if not worse.

after several accusations on jeonghan’s part, the room falls silent, save for the ragged breathing from both of you. he’ll look at your shaking frame, eyes brimmed with tears, yet he still hasn’t quite come down from his angry spree. it’s only when a sharp, shaky inhale from you, one that sounds so broken, that all anger in him dissipates, and he’s left feeling utterly mortified with the words that’s left his mouth. you don’t even have time to tell him how much he’s hurt you, because he approaches you so fast, tears blurring his vision, and holds onto your hands, trembling. you two don’t need words, because with the look on his face, you can tell he has so, so many regrets, but not enough words.

you and jeonghan don’t immediately reconcile. he gives you space for a long time, afraid of turning into that monster again. he’s keenly aware of his actions and not once steps out of line. the house is filled with an uncomfortable silence, because he’s too overwhelmed with guilt to act like himself again, afraid his teasing might take a turn for the worst. it takes firm scolding on your end, as well as verbal confirmation that things are okay, for him to be himself again.

joshua

i genuinely cannot think of how joshua would react, because i feel like you wouldn’t get into arguments much. your arguments are usually dealt with a few hours after they start, and you two would have long talks over tea about how you felt and how to resolve it. he’s more of a peacemaker than a fighter. if he were to make you feel deep hurt, it might be because he’s scolding you for not taking care of yourself or something that concerns your health.

joshua is a very expressive guy - so expressive that there really isn’t any room for miscommunication. he’s the kind of person who needs to deal with the situation now, not expect it to blow over in a week. if you two argue, it might be because you’re the one overworking yourself, or doing something reckless that could hurt you. he’ll be so worried that when he finds you, his protective instincts are instantly activated. he’ll go on a tangent about how he was worried and how you should have known better than to risk your safety. he would approach you and grab onto you to see if there are any injuries that you might sport. but because he’s very stressed, he doesn’t realize how tight his grip is until you tell him that he’s hurting you with how intense he is.

it doesn’t matter if you meant it in a teasing or serious manner. the moment joshua hears those words leave your mouth, especially in his current state, he’ll release his grip like hot iron and step away so fast. he’ll feel utterly horrible, wanton apologies leaving his mouth. he’d be so panicked and horrified that he might even start crying. you might even get panicked, too, because seeing him look so terrified was not what you wanted. it takes lots of hugging and consoling on your part for him to calm down, though it doesn’t come without repeated apologies from him as he trembles in your arms.

overall, i just don’t see joshua being the type to get into an argument so intense that you’d feel the need to tell him he’s hurting you. but if you did, he would be grief-stricken and do whatever possible to prove he loves you and is genuinely sorry about hurting you, from long confessions to hours of cuddling. horrible would be an understatement to how he’d feel in the moment.

jihoon

jihoon’s not an expressive guy. sure, his songs are all emotional masterpieces, but he’s never been able to properly convey his feeling, nor properly deal with them. so he bottles it until he can’t anymore; that’s when things get really ugly. his reluctance to give you physical affections and to express his feelings is usually the reason why you two butt heads. plus, he overworks himself until he can’t even move - just another issue you two deal with.

comeback season is the absolute worst for you. jihoon overworks himself without any breaks, and he refuses to listen to anyone about taking a breather. he claims that you won’t ever understand the burdens being seventeen’s resident producer and the leader of the vocal unit brings, and you’re taken aback by his tone. you’re not trying to understand - you couldn’t even if you tried - you’re just trying to get him to leave his damn studio to breathe fresh air, even if it’s for five minutes. this usually prompts an argument between you two, though they’re especially bad during comeback season. having his stress heightened at its peak, he’ll lash out on you with never-before seen fury and screaming, going for the wounds that especially hurt. he’s too blinded with frustration to notice your wide eyes as you take everything in.

jihoon knows that you’re hurt, but he can’t stop. he’s still throwing insults at you, even when you forcefully push through him and exit his studio in tears. it takes interrogation from members who’ve seen your uncontrollable sobs and a few sleepless nights for him to realize how badly he’s messed up. but he’s deathly afraid of facing you; he can barely face his own feelings, so how could he even face you after he said those disgusting things to you? you were just being the kindhearted angel that you are, and he returned the favor by being a demon. he’ll go on a downward spiral and be wracked with so much self-hatred that it even concerns the members. it takes the members hatching a plan for jihoon to meet you.

you don’t even have time to blink before jihoon begins spilling out apology after apology, crying to the point where he’s shaking. but he doesn’t stop until he knows he’s apologized for every insult. he wouldn’t be mad if you decided to break up, but if you chose to forgive him, you would be dealing with quiet apologies at least once every day until you confirmed that things were okay.

dokyeom

like joshua, dokyeom strikes me as the type of guy who doesn’t get into many arguments. he loves you too much to even imagine ever doing anything to hurt you, and he looks like a guilty dog after an argument. while there are times he does hurt you, as it happens in every relationship, it usually isn’t to the extent where you have to tell him he’s hurting you. if you were to ever say it, it would probably be because of his strength, not because he said anything bad.

dokyeom is probably one of the buffest members of seventeen, and despite his good intentions, his strength can be a little too much for others sometimes. he’ll be holding your hand or cuddling with you, and when’s especially excited or pumped up, he might accidentally hurt you, like squeezing your hand until it’s white or hugging you until you feel your bones cave in. that’s the only instance where i can imagine you tell him he’s hurting you, and he’ll have different reactions depending on your tone.

if you say it while laughing, dokyeom will laugh along and soften his grip. but if you say it with even a hint of hurt or terror, he’ll retract his arms in the blink of an eye, looking at you like a kicked puppy. he’ll profusely apologize and, with your permission, gently hold you in his arms as he peppers your knuckles with apologetic kisses. he’ll feel extremely guilty and become much more gentle with you.

personally, i couldn’t really think of any reason that would make you tell dokyeom he’s hurting you. like joshua, he hates arguments, and always wants to deal with them as soon as possible. he would definitely feel guilty and sad for hurting you, even if it was unintentional, and apologize as he cuddles you. you would probably get a more severe reaction if you were to say those words because of something he said.

seungkwan

seungkwan can be a bit stubborn and hardheaded at times. he also has a sharp tongue, so sometimes his words can be taken the wrong way. most of the times you know when he’s joking, but sometimes his words have a little too much bite than you would like. that’s what would spark an argument between you two.

seungkwan never says his jokes with ill intent, so when you interpret it that way, he gets defensive. but instead of apologizing for it (unless it’s blatantly offensive, though he knows better than making such jokes), his stubborn side jumps out, and now you’re both arguing about your views. if things continue to deescalate, he’ll get frustrated, and in exasperation, might say something like “god (name), why are so offended? can you not take a joke? i thought i dated someone who could handle a bit of heat.” it’s another one of his jokes, by all means, but said at a very inappropriate time. he only realizes this when you retort with an angry look he’s never seen before, telling him he should have chosen to date someone else, then. at least then you wouldn’t have to put up with the way he’s hurting you.

seungkwan’s reactions can vary after hearing this. if he’s having a bad day, he’ll continue spewing things he doesn’t mean at all and make matters worse. but if he’s feeling a little more leveled, he’ll immediately snap out of his frustrated state and look at you with soft eyes. there is no possible way he can imagine himself with someone that isn’t you, and the feeling is mutual, too. if you were to go as far as suggest that, that means he’s really hurt you. in a frenzy, he would quickly scramble to you and hold your hands. he’s too stubborn to apologize, but the soft look of regret he gives you is enough to get the message across. and with your permission, he’ll hug you. after cooling down, that’s when he’ll softly apologize to you, regret evident in his voice.

after that incident, seungkwan would take great care to not make any more jokes. he doesn’t plan on making any until you’ve confirmed that things are better, anyways. he expresses his love by holding your hand and hugging you, often sending you sweet messages with heart emojis and adorable gifs of animals expressing their affections. overall, he’s much more gentle with you. even when things have been resolved, he’ll still keep up his acts of affection.

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multiplefandomsblog · 4 years ago

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request; Can I request Nagito, Kokichi, and Rantaro with an s/o that has a hard time understanding why someone feels a certain emotion in situations?

pairing(s); rantaro x gn!reader, nagito x gn!reader, kokichi x gn!reader

warnings; blood, violence, broken noses, strong language, kind of angsty — sorry that nagito's is super long- i started off with him and i haven't written in a long time so i just shit all over the place, fluff at kokichi, i have mood swings I'm so sorry about the whiplash you are about to witness

note; yesss i am back to finish these requests yurrrrrr sjansjdhfbasdkjfds I'm not gonna make a big announcement or anything(I'm still trying to figure out how to balance everything in my life rn, so I'm sorry for people who are waiting on me—) , just gonna spit out as many finished requests as i can, sorry for the abrupt pause of everything by the wayz ill be (hopefully) regularly posting works from now on.

(also this request was kind of vague, so i used the example of someone getting upset/angry and reader not understanding why; i hope that's okay :'))

Nagito Komaeda

◊ I think Nagito would understand your struggles more than anyone else.

◊ And… honestly, it kind of reassures him that you share a struggle with him. It makes him feel less alone, less like the odd one out.

◊ Being similar to someone like you in any way, even if it was a genuinely difficult and real struggle; was a blessing in disguise for someone as lowly as him.

◊ Getting that out of the way, Nagito would never see your struggle as what it is. The way he views you, how highly he puts you up on a pedestal, as well as how much hope he believes you to hold; he, at first*, won't help you at all with your struggles.

◊ As a strong believer of hope overcoming despair, good defeating bad; Nagito is positive that the struggles you hold will always be defeated, bludgeoned into a despairing sludge by your all-mighty hope.

◊ And at first, he won't even think of this as a bad thing! You should be proud of it, of course, unless it stirs despair within you.

◊ * That being said, if he sees you struggling with your inability to understand human reactions to an awful point, he would put his obsession with hope aside, and focus on trying to help you as your boyfriend.

◊ Though I'm afraid, he wouldn't be much of a help, because he gets stuck on this one too.

◊ If you ever unintentionally angered someone, however, and/or provoked them to potentially hurt you; he'd immediately step in and lay the damp washcloth of apologies on the accidental fire you had set.

◊ Though there is a high chance, he'll make it worse by saying something he hadn't intended to sound condescending. It just came out that way.

◊ Nagito would never put your well-being before his insatiable need for you to accelerate and empower your hope.

◊ He's your boyfriend before he is your admirer of hope.

— "What...? How can you- how can you be so calm!?" Confusion, fear, and intimidation seemed to overwhelm you as you stepped back, eyebrows creased in utmost confusion as the person before you, seemed to have been angered by your wording.

Suddenly, you had started repeating and reversing over what you had previously said, scanning your wording for things that could have been perceived as offensive; only to grow even more confused as you had found none.

"I... What? Are you... are you mad at me or something?" Your genuine tone of voice, as well as the genuine look of confusion on your face, had been blurred and unnoticed as the ugly emotion of anger seemed to destroy their human senses— and the person had unfortunately taken your question as an insult.

Without another word, the sickening crunch of flesh and bone hitting flesh and bone echoed throughout the trial room. Flesh and bone that had thankfully, and unfortunately, hadn't belonged to you.

"Holy- Someone hold them back!"

"There's... no need for that...!"

Turns out Nagito took the hit for you.

He peeled the hand tending to his nose away from his face, revealing the nasty bruising and the blood dripping down his nostril—despite the gruesome sight of it all, he still seemed to be smiling. Smiling as if something amazing had just happened, and he was dying from the joy he had been feeling.

He wasted no time to spew out whatever he could think of, despite the shock and adrenaline from getting a broken nose, he still fought through the struggle to speak properly, as well as merely breathing without immense pain.

It was like second nature to him, to steer the blame and the aggression away from you—even if it almost killed him. Anything... to protect his hope.

"Haha, this is... Whatever you need to achieve your hope, whether it be a good old-fashioned beat-down or... murder;" a laugh crossing the line to psychotic erupted from Nagito's scratchy throat.

"I personally invite you all—especially (name)—to bruise me up and brutally murder me for your pleasure, and your hop!" —all at the expense of him making sure no one gets the chance to lay a single finger laid onto you.

◊ He loves you, and he swears this is out of (mostly) good intention <3?

◊ i- i think i lost it somewhere in the middle

Rantaro Amami

◊ Literally, the most understanding, supportive, and comforting man you will ever meet and have as an emotional support boyfriend when you struggle with humans and just... humans.

◊ For first impressions, Rantaro will remain as understanding as he already had been, and is. If he visibly sees you struggle with the reactions of others to specific situations, he'd never start up shit, as well as assume you mean something bad immediately. He will always give you the benefit of the doubt, and the fact that he loves you may have been a factor — but I swear, he does this with everyone else too.

◊ If you ever responded/reacted to something that normal human beings usually respond differently, Rantaro would definitely notice, but he wouldn't say anything until he had his suspicions confirmed — and until someone else decided to get pissy or upset about it.

◊ If you ever get into a conflict with someone about how you seem emotionless( even though you're really not ), Rantaro will always be there to defend you and back you up. The first thing he would do is try to understand your side, then their side, and then try to see how the two fit together, and how you both grew to have your reaction.

◊ Most conflicts and arguments end peacefully, at fault to Rantaro's experience of being exposed to many personality types(his sisters), and completely normal and human struggles(also his sisters).

◊ Though, notice how I said most.

◊ Some situations and arguments, really can't be resolved, nor looked past—especially when personal, and very strong feelings are involved. You really can't avoid it when people are still grieving.

◊ But even so, Rantaro will remain a mediator and a peace-keeper until the end; he doesn't and never has enjoyed violence or super over-the-line arguments.

— "N- no, I a- actually don't understand...! I didn't mean to-"

"Oh, shut up! No one's believing that crap!" The shock and the hurt from their words had visibly affected you — the disbelief and their rage hadn't done anything to calm your anxiety from not having understood what had been wrong.

Rantaro would intrude on the one-sided argument, a gentle yet nervous smile on his face as he tried to put some distance between you and the person who had gotten offended. "Hey now, I understand you're upset, but it'll be safer for all of us if you don't insult them. I'm sure this was just a big misunderstanding... let's sit down, yeah?"

◊ If you ever feel frustrated or upset about a past interaction with someone he had reacted in a way you hadn't expected, feel free to expect Rantaro to be there for you with his comfort. Whether it be assurances, hugs, or just a listening ear; he'll be there for you.

◊ He may not understand your struggles to an extreme extent, but he will try his best to empathize with you and to understand you; and if he doesn't? That's okay. Because he still has cuddles + listening to you rant as his plan B solution on getting your frustrations out.

Kokichi Ouma

◊ Kokichi... doesn't understand you at all.

◊ It's second nature to him to react abnormally or to over-exaggerate towards something that probably shouldn't have gained a reaction like that — but that doesn't necessarily mean that had been his true reaction from the start.

◊ They're lies, well, most of it.

◊ When Kokichi notices your confusion, or if you come to him about your frustrations; he won't believe you at first. It's a stupid thing to not trust someone about, yeah, but he lies all the time about this kind of thing — so not only would he feel terrible if you were telling the truth about your real struggle, he would-

◊ Oh, you're telling the truth?

◊ ... Oh.

◊ Well, of course, he feels horrible for his past faked reactions and lies. A part of him believes it to be his fault entirely, whilst the larger, louder part of him believes it to be someone else's fault.

◊ And he's a liar; so of course, he'll lie. To himself, at least.

◊ "Wha—!? Who's been confusing my beloved? Gimme names and I'll get 'em!"

◊ He's not much of a listener, nor a person who really just... talks about serious shit. So despite not wanting to talk directly about serious things, as well as not being the best at comforting you in a 'serious' manner, he has his own little way of dimming your frustrations with human beings.

◊ He won't show it, nor will he mention it, but he does try to be more transparent with you; as well as tries to be less confusing when talking and/or interacting with you.

◊ The reactions are dimmed down, and despite that, he still continues to be silly and still continues to joke around — just not in a way that'll frustrate or confuse you(ish). He's all about getting reactions out of you, especially frustration but, he wouldn't purposely augment your anxiety about this type of thing.

◊ ^^ If he was to do that, however, he would always tell you it was a lie afterwards. After all— despite enjoying the thought of you thinking of him all week—he doesn't want you stressing and/or overthinking about it for the rest of the week.

◊ Kokichi definitely feels guilty of your struggles, however, they may have not blossomed directly from him, he still feels horrible for triggering it? You? — look- what he's trying to say is, he feels awful, and he hadn't meant to make your struggle with understanding other human beings, worse.

◊ Though there are times he does find your confusion and gullibility to be sort of entertaining in a way, but he would constantly feel bad about finding pleasure in your frustration.

◊ Kind of bad.

— "Nishishi! I'm just saying, if someone took a fat shit on my lawn, I would thank them—"

"Wh- Seriously.. ? Why??"

◊ He finds it hilarious how you seem to take his words to heart, but of course, fun comes to an end as he says—

— "Nope! It's a lie!"

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yesimwriting · 4 years ago

Text

playing vices

“A/n a blurb bc ive been working on my novel and ive missed writing for Kirigan :))

I am a fool that has played into her vices enough to make them addictions. That must have been Kirigan's plan. He knows that I don't agree with his methods. He is also much too aware of the fact that I am beyond attached to him. He plays into that fact often, lulling me to him whenever he feels that my conscious is in danger of driving a wedge between us.

Which is why I have become accustomed to falling asleep while running my fingers along his skin as he whispers things much sweeter than anything he would say while fully awake.

But now it's late and he's not here. I sit up, kicking the comforter off of me slightly. It seems Aleksander has been more and more absent these days. When he's not with me, the odds that he's doing something that hurts people are high. His absence is also starting to make me feel like he's losing interest in me. It would make sense considering the fact that he looked twice at me in any capacity has never seemed logical.

Maybe that's why we've never indicated commitment to each other. I don't know what commitment would be with him. He seems to grand to be considered a 'boyfriend', but there's something more than friendly about how he holds onto me. I've never cared for labels until I started feeling displaced.

"You're still awake."

I press my lips together, trying to seem a little calmer. "Couldn't sleep."

"Troubling thoughts?" The question is more weighted than it should be. Everything with him is.

“Has anyone ever called you dramatic?”

His lips quirk upwards, hinting at a smile. Warmth pools in my stomach, the way it always does when he lets me see the slight glimmer of light that’s still in him. Sometimes I think he only shows me this softness when he feels that I may pull away. It may be rooted in manipulative intent, but I know that it’s real.

“Only you would have the gall,” he says, voice low yet not dark.

Kirigan’s easiness coaxes a smile from my lips. A small one, but I can feel the way the crack in my tension feeds his confidence. He takes pride in slipping past the walls I only try to create when cautious or irritated. Today I’m both but I need to pretend like I’m neither. The more resistance he senses, the more forward and effective his advances become.

I keep my expression neutral. I’m sure Alina could get away with calling him that. I wish she was more unlikable. It would be easier to hide my irritation if I could blame that displaced feeling in my chest on two people. But of course Alina is wonderful, beautiful, and his equal.

Whatever. It’s not like we’re really anything. Every time I see him I wait for his betrayal. There’s nothing worth using me for, and somehow that makes me feel worse. He should have never looked at me twice let alone encourage whatever strange relationship we’ve created.

My silence seems to displease him because he approaches my bedside easily in quick yet patient strides. Now that he’s close enough to touch I feel some of the ice I managed to solidify melt.

Kirigan lifts a hand and places it on my knee easily. I stiffen instinctually, he runs his thumb over my skin to fight my resistance. “Who’s upset you?”

I breathe, forcing myself to ease. “No one has.” I don’t have to meet his gaze to know he doesn’t believe me. That’s the core source of our attachment, we can read each other with less than a look. “I’m just getting a headache,” not a full lie, “I’ll feel better after some sleep.” He squeezes my knee slightly, a soft way of asking me for more. “I don’t think I’ll be good company tonight.”

His hand leaves my knee, fingertips barely grazing my thigh as he moves his hand to hold beneath my chin. I still as he turns my head so that I have no choice but to meet his gaze. “You don’t need to be good company when what I want is your presence.”

I press my lips together to avoid melting into the promising pools of warmth that make up his irises. He spent all day with Alina, took Zoya’s side in an argument I had with her earlier this week, and now he comes to me late at night. He seems to only want to acknowledge me when we’re alone, and it’s not like I want more than that. I just don’t know how long my heart will be able to teeter the line between nothing and something. I’m a fool for having let it go on this long.

The only problem is that his steady stare is chasing away all of my rationality. “I’m sure you’ll be able to find someone more in the mood to offer their presence.”

My curtness leaves something behind his expression dull, the hint of a smile that was growing on him has now vanished. I am met with a stoic disposition I have never had directed at me.

“They’re not you,” he counters, voice edged by something I don’t understand.

That’s the point. They’re not me--I’m average. I can’t offer power and my relationship experience is basic at best. I don’t want to have this argument, not when I’m basically fighting for him to let me go when that’s not what I want.

I’m making it easier. If it hurts this much when I was only on the cusp of something, imagine the pain I’l feel if I let it continue. I turn my head away so that he’s no longer holding my chin. “Not a bad thing.”

“To me it is.” He doesn’t hesitate, my chest swells. His thumb brushes against my cheek, soft and comforting. “I’m tired,” he says this like it’s a confession. His admission hangs in the air for a long moment, as heavy and weighted as my heart. “If you’re angry, wait until morning.”

Something in my heart cracks. “I’m not angry.” My gaze drops, my thoughts struggling to come together. “I’ll be nicer to deal with in the morning.”

“Y/n,” his tone twists from distant to warning, “the last time you asked me to leave was when you discovered something you didn’t like.”

I almost wince at the way he’s worded it. When I found out what his real plans were, I told myself I had to leave. He skirted past all of my reservations and walls, twisting my doubt away through coddling whispers and shy brushes of fingers.

“This isn’t like that.” Not a lie.

He exhales slowly, the sound dangerously sharp. “Then what is it?”

“Why did you come here so late?” The question leaves me too sharply. I’m exposing too much but I can’t help it. “If you don’t want to answer, that’s fine.” My voice is flat. “I’m sure Alina will be happy to fill me in.” I can’t bring myself to take in his reaction. “And if she can’t, I’m sure Zoya will be able to.”

He’s silent for a long second. “Unwarranted jealousy doesn’t suit you.”

His confidence sparks something angry within me. “I am not jealous.” The most blatant lie of the night, but I don’t care. I turn my head to glare at him, “and don’t just tact on ‘unwarranted’ before something that’s true just because it’s easier for it not to be.”

I watch his expression cautiously until the slightest tilt of his lips adds to my anger. He’s enjoying this or he did this intentionally or both. “Darling,” he hums, voice soft, “you are the only person that makes me feel peace.”

My stomach flutters, the sensation threatening to break my weak resolve. “I am not particularly powerful,” I breathe, voice stiff, “or particularly...” How do I explain this all to him? “Anything.” He’s everything, and I am nothing but average. “I’m average at best, there’s no reason for you to want anything to do with me, and that’s fine--but don’t lie and pretend that that’s not true.”

The sentence is barely out fo my mouth before I feel myself pulled towards him by the collar of my nightgown. His lips are on mine before I can question where this is going. I kiss him back too quickly, but any effort I expend is returned fervently.

He pushes me back slightly as quickly as he yanked me forward. He doesn’t explain. I don’t ask him to. I should demand an answer and shove him away from me or pull him back towards me. But I do nothing. I just stare at him as he stares at me.

When the weight of the silence threatens to break something in me, I force myself to speak, “Kirigan--”

“Aleksander.” The name is soft and so fragile I worry it will shatter in the air before it can fully reach me. “You know there’s much I’m not ready to say, but that,” he exhales, the sound so sad I want to reach for him, “that is the one name I have not given to myself and I want you to have it.” Something conflicted crosses his features. “I would never give that to someone average.”

Emotion swells in my chest, heavy yet not painful. “Aleksander.” I’m not sure if I’m trying to call to him or if I’m just trying to feel his name--his true name--on my lips.

His eyes widen, something unbearable behind them. He moves the hand holding the collar of my nightgown to my cheek. I lean into the contact like a fool as his eyes flutter shut. “Say it again.”

I don’t hesitate, “Aleksander.” I lift my hand, fingers hesitant to find their place on his cheek. “Aleksander.”

He sighs into both the contact and the name. “You’re the first thing I’ve allowed myself to want,” his eyes open, but I cannot bring myself to meet his gaze, “I should make you feel like it.”

Something about the way he says that is sad. “I think that if it’s fair to say you were a little distant, it’s just as fair to say that I was a little jealous.”

Aleksander smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “I’m tired,” he admits, “I’ll enjoy my victory in the morning.”

I roll my eyes, but scoot over to give him a place by my side regardless. “I’m not sure you won, I think it was more of a draw.”

He takes the space I offer quickly, never letting the contact between us disappear as he settles himself against my pillow. I let him pull me towards him. “This feels like a victory.”

I try to ignore the warmth in my chest. “You’re lucky I’m tired enough to find that endearing.”

I relax as his fingers trace shapes I’ll never know about onto my back. “I agree.”

#shadow and bone #grisha #shadow and bone fic #shadow and bone fanfic #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone imagine #sab imagine #general kirigan x reader #general kirigan #general kirigan imagine #aleksander morozova #aleksander morozova imagine #aleksander morovoza #aleksander morozova x reader #aleksander morovoza x reader #the darkling #the darkling imagine #the darkling x reader #the darkling x you

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scorpionyx9621 · 3 years ago

Note

Do you think Jason Todd fandom is kinda toxic? Because it seems like NO MATTER what DC do, there'll always be complains. Forget the bad adaptation like Titans. Even Judd Winick cannot escape the criticism with how he potrayed Robin!Jason. They just never satisfied.

SORRY, IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO RESPOND TO THIS. I just moved from Washington D.C. to Seattle, which, for my non-American friends, that's 4442km away. And I DROVE THERE ALL BY MYSELF. And now I'm trying to find new work in a new city and trying to stay mentally healthy and positive. Life is exciting but hard and scary.

*sighs*

As someone who was a fandom elder with V*ltr*n. I've seen some of the worst when it comes to fandom behavior. I'm talking people baking food with shaving razors and trying to give them to the showrunners. I'm talking leaking major plot details and refusing to take it down unless they make their ship canon (I am looking at you, Kl*nce stans) For the most part, DC Comics has had a decades-long reputation of treating their fans like trash and not caring what they think so from what I've seen, we all just grumble and complain in our corners of the internet about how we don't like how X comic portrays Jason Todd.

The challenge with Jason Todd is that he's your clinical anti-hero, the batfamily's Draco in Leather Pants, he's a jerkass woobie, and on top of all of that, he's a Tumblr sexyman. It's a perfect storm for a very fun but frustrating character to be a fan of. It doesn't help that every writer decides to re-invent the wheel every time Jason comes up so his canon lore is confusing at best and inconsistent as a standard.

I guess starting with a general brief on who Jason is and what is uniform about him with every instance he's appeared in comics/media.

Grew up in a poor family in Gotham with a dad who was a petty-mid-level criminal, and a mother who dies of a drug overdose.

Survives on the street on his own by committing petty crimes and potentially even engaging in sexual acts to keep himself alive.

Is cornered by Batman and taken in after Dick Grayson quits/is fired

Becomes the second Robin, but is known for being the harsher, more brutal Robin.

Is killed by Joker after being tortured, but somehow comes back to life and regains senses through the Lazarus Pit

Resolves himself to be better than Batman by basically being Batman but kills people.

Where there has been a lot of conflict in the fandom is the fact that Jason Todd is not a character that is written consistently. DC Comics loves to go with the narrative that Jason was "bad from the start" and was the "bad robin" when, yes, he has trouble controlling his anger, but he also still is just as invested in seeing the best of Gotham City and trying to be a positive change for the world as any other DC Comics hero.

Where I get frustrated with the fandom is its ability to knit-pick every detail of a comic they don't like while completely disregarding everything that makes the comics great and worth it to read. My example being Urban Legends. To which most people had pretty mixed reactions to. I was critical of the comic at first but as it went along I ended up really liking it. I have a feeling DC Comics went to Chip Zdarsky and told him he had 6 issues to bring Jason back into the Bat Family, and honestly he didn't do a bad job. Did it feel rushed? Absolutely. I wish there was more development of Jason and Bruce's characters and their dynamic as a whole. However, where I see a lot of people being angry and upset with Urban Legends is that they feel Zdarsky needlessly wrote Jason as an incompetent fool who needs Bruce to save him.

Whether or not that was the intention of Zdarsky is up to debate. However, and this may be controversial, but I don't think he wrote Jason Todd out of character at all. For as fearsome, intimidating, and awesome as Red Hood is. Jason is a character who is absolutely driven by his emotions. Why do you think he donned the role of Red Hood? As a response to his anger towards The Joker for killing him, and towards Bruce for not taking action against The Joker and for seemingly replacing him so quickly after he died. Jason didn't care about being the murderous Robin Hood or for being the bloody hammer of justice against N*zi's and P*d*ph*les. He only cared originally about making The Joker and Bruce pay. It wasn't until he trained under the best assassins in the world and realized most of them were horrific criminals who trafficked children and were p*dos that Talia began to realize that the teachers that she sent Jason to train under started dying horrific and painful deaths.

The entire story of the Cheer story in Batman Urban Legends was started because it finally forced some consequences upon Jason. Tyler, aka Blue Hood's father was a drug dealer who gave his supply to his wife and kids. And when Tyler's father admitted he gave the drugs to Tyler, it immediately made him fall within the self-imposed philosophical kill-list of Jason Todd. And Jason, well, he proceeds to kill Tyler's father. When this happens, Jason is in shock. Tyler's dad fit the bill to easily and justifiably be killed by Jason. We've never seen Jason having to deal with the consequences of being a murderous vigilante on a micro-level. When Jason realizes what he's done in that he's murdered Tyler's dad, he's shocked. He tells Babs the truth. He does a rational thing because he's in shock. He doesn't know what to do, he never has had to face the consequences of his actions as Red Hood and now the gravity of befriending a child as a vigilante hero who kills people just set in when he killed the father of the same child he was just introduced to.

(Oh here's a little aside because it had to be said, Jason would not have been a good father or a good mentor to Tyler and absolutely should not have been his new Robin. Jason is a man who is in his early 20's (not saying men in their early 20's can't be good fathers at all) who is a brutal serial killer using the guise of a vigilante anti-hero to let him escape most of the law. the complications of having the man who murdered your father adopt you and make you his sidekick are way too numerous for me to explain in a long-winded already heavy Tumblr essay post. There's a reason why we don't advocate for a story where Joe Chill adopted Bruce Wayne or one where Tony Zucco took in Dick Grayson.)

The next biggest argument is that they feel that Jason is giving up his guns as a means to just be invited back into the Bat-Family. To which I will tell anyone who has that argument to go actually read Urban Legends. Already have and still have that argument? Please re-read it. Don't want to? That's okay, I will paste the images from the comic where Jason specifically says that he doesn't want to give up his weapons for Bruce and his real reasoning down below since the comic isn't exactly readily accessible.

Jason gave up the guns because he felt the gravity of what he had done and knows how it'll effect Tyler. Thankfully his mom is alive and in recovery. But Tyler doesn't have a father anymore. And Jason killed Tyler's father. It may have been in accordance to Jason's philosophy, but it was a case where it blurred the lines. Jason Todd isn't a black and white character, just very dark gray. He doesn't kill aimlessly like the Joker. If you are on Jason's list you probably have done something pretty horrific, and also just in general, being in his way or being a threat to him. Mind you, in early days of Red Hood and the Outlaws (Image below) Jason almost killed 10 innocent civilians in a town in Colorado all because they saw him kill a monster. That being said, Jason isn't aimless in his kills.

(Also can we just take a moment to appreciate Kenneth Rocafort's art? DC Comics said we need to rehabilitate Jason Todd's image and Kenneth Rocafort said hold my beer: It's so SO GOOD)

That being said, the key emphasis in the story of Cheer asides from trying to introduce Jason Todd back into the Bat Family and give an actual purpose for him being there, other than him just kind of being there ala Bowser every time he shows up for Go Kart racing, Tennis, Golf, Soccer, and the Olympic games when Mario invites him, is that Jason and Bruce ultimately both want the same thing. Jason wants to be welcomed back into the family and to be loved and appreciated. Bruce want's Jason back as his son and wants to love and protect Jason. Both of these visions are shown in the last chapter of Cheer while under the effect of the Cheer Gas. It's ultimately this love and appreciation they both have for each other that helps them overcome their challenge and win.

Jason Todd is a character who, just like Bruce, has been through so much pain and so much hate in his life. The two are meant to parallel each other. While Bruce chose to see the best in everyone, giving every rogue in his gallery the option to be helped and give them a second chance, hence why he never kills, Jason has a similar view on wanting to protect the public, but he understands that some crimes are so heinous they cannot be forgiven, or that some habitual criminals are due to stay habitual criminals, and need to be put down. But at the end of the day, the two of them both try to protect people in their own ways.

I am aware that through the writings of various DC Comics authors such as Scott Lobdell and Judd Winick, the two have had a very tumultuous relationship. And rightfully so, I am by no means saying that Scott Lobdell writing an arc where Bruce literally beats Jason to within an inch of his life in Red Hood and the Outlaws, nor Judd Winick's interpretation of Under the Red Hood where Bruce throws the Batarang at Jason's neck, slicing his throat and leaving him ambiguously for dead at the end of the comic is appropriate considering DC Comics seems to be trying everything they can to integrate Jason back into the family. That being said, a lot of these writings have shaped the narrative of Jason and Bruce's relationship and have an integral effect on the way the fandom views the two. It doesn't help that Zdarsky acknowledged Lobdell's life-beating of Jason by Bruce at the very end of Cheer by having Bruce give Jason his old outfit back as a means of mending the fence between the two of them. That does complicate a lot of things in terms of how they are viewed by the fandom and helps to cause an even greater divide between the two.

Regardless, I want to emphasize the fact that Jason Todd is a part of the family of his own accord. Yes, he's quite snarky and deadpan in almost every encounter. However, Jason is absolutely a part of the family and has been for a while of his own will. There's a great moment in Detective Comics that emphasizes this. Jason cares about his family because it is his found family. Yes, they may be warry about him and use him as a punching back and/or heckle him. At the end of the day, we're debating the family dynamics of a fictional playboy billionaire vigilante whose kleptomania took the form of adopting troubled children and turning them into vigilante heroes. Jason Todd wants a family that will love and support him. This is a key definition of his character at its most basic. This was proven during the events of Cheer and is being reenforced by DC Comics every time they get the opportunity to do so.

Now, none of this is to say that I hate Judd Winick. I do not, I don't like the fact that in all of his writings of Jason, he just writes him as a dangerous psychopath, and Winick himself admits to seeing Jason as nothing much more than a psychopath. Yet Winick is the one who the majority of the fandom clings to as the one true good writer of Jason Todd because 'Jason was competent, dangerous, smart' Listen, friends, Jason is all of that and I will never deny it. However, what I love about Jason isn't that he's dangerously smart of that writers either write him as angsty angry Tumblr sexyman bait or that they write him as an infantile man child with a gun. There's a large contention of this fandom that has an obsession with Jason Todd being this vigilante gunman who is hot and sexy and while I definitely get the appeal. It is very creepy and downright disturbing that all of you hyperfixate on his use of guns and ability to be a murderer. It is creepy and I'm not necessarily here for it.

What I love about Jason Todd is that despite all of the pain, all of the heartache, all of the betrayal, and bullying, and death, and anguish. Jason Todd is one of the most loving and supportive characters in all of DC Comics. Jason has been through so much in his life, but he still chooses to love. He still chooses to see the bright side in people. Yes, he takes a utilitarian approach and chooses to kill certain villains, but at the end of the day he wants to see a better world, and he wants to be loved. It takes so much courage and so much heart to learn to love again after one has been abused or traumatized. I would not blame Jason at all if he said fuck it and just went full solo and vigilante evil. He has every right to, but he still chooses to be with the Bat Family of his own accord. That's something that I see a lot of in myself. I have been through a lot of trauma and yet I try to be a better person myself in any way that I can. It is extremely admirable of Jason to allow love back into his heart when he really doesn't need to. He kills and he protects because he has this love of society. It may have been shaped by anger and hatred, but Jason has found his place amongst people who love him and value him. I think Ducra, from Red Hood and the Outlaws put it best in the image given below.

To end this tangent, I love Jason Todd and all of his sexy dangerousness, but it's far more than that. As much as Jason may be dangerous and snarky, he loves his family without a shadow of a doubt. I look up to Jason Todd because despite all of his pain and all of his trauma, he still choses to love. Jason Todd is a character who is someone I love because despite all of his flaws and having a very toxic fandom, he still serves as a character filled with so much heart and so much passion. I wish more writers would understand that. But for now I will live with what I have. Even though the fandom may be vocal about it's hatred for his characterization, I choose to love Jason regardless because he is a character who chooses love and acceptance regardless of his pain. Jason Todd is by no means a good person in any sense of the word. He has easily killed upwards of 100 people by now. He is a character who is flawed and complex but ultimately is one who powers forwards and finds love and heart in a place from so much pain and anguish. That is what I love about Jason Todd. After all, to quote a famous undead robot superhero, "What is grief, if not love persevering?" Jason Todd chooses to love despite all of the trauma and pain and grief. Yes, he is hardened in his exterior, but inside there is a man with a lot of love to give and someone who deserves the world in my eyes.

#Long post GOD #Jason Todd #Red Hood #Bat Family #Batman #red hood and the outlaws #RHATO #RH:O #Batman Urban Legends #Red Hood Lost Days #TW Voltron #TW Death #tw murder #TW Klance #Gotta love how i am pouring my heart out onto jason AND calling out the Voltron fandom #Regardless love Jason Todd people

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