#and michael was immediately like yeah sure whatever you say | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mediumgayitalian · 9 months ago

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The slam of his car door is loud enough to make him jump, echoing across the dipping valleys and proud hills. He curses to himself, standing frozen, one, two, three, four, but no one comes running. A light dusting of snow falls in a perfect circle around an invisible border, and Lee shivers as he jogs over to it, worn sneakers squelching over the wet, half-thawed grass.

As soon as he steps onto the bottom of Half-Blood Hill, he feels the difference, the balmy breath of warm summer under the clear December sky. The power of Thalia’s tree sends its usual shiver down his back, and he touches it, briefly, as he speeds past, sending his usual prayer of thanks. He pauses at the crest of the hill, using the bright gibbous moon to survey the camp, marking his path.

“Two, four….twelve,” he mutters to himself, craning his neck to map every one of the patrol harpies. He crouches for a while, watching them, tracking their patrol: paired, hexagonal, staggered circuits around the cabins. Four minute window of opportunity.

He can do four minutes.

As the two harpies walking the Apollo-Artemis circuit begin to cross the common, Lee bolts. He keeps low and close to the shadows, sprinting fast and on the balls of his feet to stay quiet, and ducks behind whatever shadow is closest whenever something looks his way. By the time the harpies turn back towards Cabin Seven, he’s already on the rickety porch, tossing his backpack inside the window Michael left open for him and throwing himself in after it.

He lands palms-first, tucking into a roll to absorb the momentum. He freezes, panting, by the leg of what is usually Amir’s bed, straining to hear past the crickets and cicadas.

One, two, three, four.

Nothing.

He’s good.

“Took your damn sweet time, didn’t you.”

“Hello to you too,” Lee grumbles, pushing himself upright. From across the cabin, lounging on his bed like a goddamn French monarch, is his dick of a brother, grinning like the little shit he is. “Haven’t seen you in weeks, most people say hello, et cetera, et cetera.”

Michael shrugs. “You’re late. I watched you on the hill; you coulda made that run twenty minutes ago.”

“Nobody asked you.”

“I’m always asking me.”

“Get over her, boogerbrain.”

“Real mature,” Michael mocks, but ambles over anyway. He retches like a twelve year old when Lee hugs him, but twists his hands in the back of Lee’s shirt when he lets go too fast. Lee hides his smile in his over-gelled hair.

“You might miss me less if you actually write me letters, you know.”

“I didn’t miss you,” he responds automatically. “And I wouldn’t have to write you letters if you stayed home, already.”

Lee sighs. “…I have school, Michael.”

“Oh, yeah. I’m sure your dumbass bio teachers have loads to teach the guy who can do open heart surgery with his eyes closed.”

“Yeah, yeah. If anyone could do with a good, old-fashioned, public school humbling, it would be you, hothead. You ready to go?”

Michael pulls away with a roll of his eyes. “Only since yesterday. Been waiting for your sorry ass.”

“My sorry — your sorry ass doesn’t have a car!”

Michael snickers, jogging back to his bunk and grabbing the black duffel bag resting under it. Lee makes quick work of packing his own bag, stuffing in a couple squares of ambrosia and and giant roll of bandages, just in case, before creeping over to the only bed left with someone still in it.

“Hey, kiddo.” He folds over the sheet pulled all the way over messy blonde curls, immediately plaguing the cabin with loud snoring. He rests his palm over a sleep-creased cheek, mapping his thumb over the freckles dotting pudgy cheekbones, and brushes back the hair plastered to his baby brother’s forehead. “Will, sweetheart, get up.”

It takes him a couple minutes of gentle prodding — when Will is out he is out — to wake up, squinting blearily in the dim fairy lights strewn across his bunk. He blinks, one, two, three, four, then gasps.

“Lee!”

“Oof,” Lee grunts, shifting his weight as he is abruptly accosted with an armful of child. He smiles, curling around Will’s flailing, chattering form, tightening his hold on his waist and resting his forehead on his shoulder. “Hi, buddy.”

“—missed you so much! Is this why your letter was late? Are you staying? Is this why Diana left yesterday? Is she here now? Is Cass coming? Is everybody coming? Can I —”

“C’mon, Motormouth,” Michael interrupts, cuffing Will’s ear as he walks by. “Go get your sneakers on. We’re going for a drive.”

“‘Kay,” Will days happily, dashing off to find the light-up Star Wars shoes he refuses to throw out, even though there are literal holes in the soles.

“You got his bag?”

“Yep,” Michael affirms, holding up a straining backpack. “Toothbrush. Hairbrush that he won’t use. Three comic books. Change of clothes. And two more changes of clothes for when he inevitably destroys the first one,” he adds when Lee opens his mouth. He shoots him an exasperated look. “Me and Diana have been chasing after the little brat for four months, dude. I got him.”

“Alright, alright,” Lee grumbles. “Heaven forbid I double-check.” He turns over to the door, where Will is tying his shoelaces, tongue peeking out of his mouth. “You ready, Will?”

He tugs on the two loops. The entire knot unravels. Quick as a flash, he stuffs the laces inside his shoes, scrambling to his feet.

“Yes,” he lies. He scratches at his throat.

Lee and Michel sigh in unison.

Luckily, the reaction is hardly more than itchy eyes and a cough. Lee herds him towards the door, sliding the backpack over his shoulders and holding out his arm and —

“Hold on a sec.”

“Why?” Will whispers.

“Shh,” Lee says.

Window cracked open, Michael exhales. The release of his bow hardly makes more than a soft hiss.

The angle is odd, limited space as there is, but Michael never misses — the clunky arrow whistles through the open window, sailing past the sloped roofs of the west wing cabins, and thunks somewhere behind the first layer of trees in the forest. Immediately, it lets loose a burst of sound identical to a dropped bottle and a group of teenagers cursing. In seconds, the curfew harpies are screeching, descending upon the source of the noise with the fury of a thousand sun chariots.

“Go go go go go,” Michael orders, wrenching open the door.

Will, immediately, takes off, gleeful at the opportunity to run away with permission (usually, he’s running from one of them, screeching at him to get back here). (Or Chiron, although Chiron has a much easier time catching up, what with the six limbs and all). (…Is Chiron an insect? Technically?)

“How long do we have?” Lee whispers, once Michael has caught up.

He shrugs. “Seven minutes, give or take? More than enough time.”

Lee worries his bottom lip. “More than…” He glances at the forest. Vaguely, in the low firelight, he can see the odd wing, hear the odd screech. Nothing looks very close. He glances at the rapidly approaching Athena cabin, just a few yards out of their way. Hm.

“Detour!” he decides. “Will, c’mon!”

Ignoring Michael’s hissed complaints, he veers towards to neatly maintained cabin. He slips in the space between Cabins Six and Four, holding tight to Will’s hand. He counts the windows as he passes — one, two, three, four — and stumbles to a stop, crouching down in the dirt.

“Oh, are you — for the love of Zeus.”

Lee ignores his eye-rolling, scanning the ground for pebbles. He selects a handful of them, careful not to choose anything too big, and jogs a few steps back.

“What’re you doing?” Will asks, too loud, but at least he tries to whisper.

Instead of answering, Lee launches the first pebble at the window.

It pings off harmlessly.

Waiting a breath for the harpies to come running, he continues, firing off pebble after pebble with increasing strength. Finally, after pebble #7, a face appears behind the clear glass, bleary eyes widening when they take in the sight in front of them. Quickly, the latches are undone, and the window is yanked open.

“Lee?!”

Lee grins. “Hey, Carter.”

“What’re you — you’re — it’s December! What’s going —”

“I need a favour,” Lee whispers. “Can you — cover for us?”

For the first time, Carter looks away, brows raising as he notices Micheal, who taps his (watchless) wrist obnoxiously, and Will, who waves brightly. Carter waves back, small smile tugging at his lips.

“Cover for you?”

“Just, like, infirmary stuff. I don’t think anything will happen, and if it does we’re an IM away, but —”

“Lee,” Carter says exasperatedly, “cover you guys for what?”

“Oh.” Lee clears his throat. “I, um. I need to do something for my family.”

Smiling, Carter rests his elbows on the windowsill, chin in his hands. “Mysterious.”

“We’ll be back by tomorrow evening,” Lee assures.

“And then you’ll stay for a bit?”

Lee’s mouth goes dry. “You want me to stay?”

Carter ducks his head, fingers tracing a mindless path on the windowsill. “I wouldn’t mind seeing you for a while.”

A thousand gods of prophecy could not predict the sound that comes out of Lee’s throat.

Something between a whimper and an awkward laugh, his voice cracks four seperate times. Carter giggles. Lee prays, genuinely, that a crater opens up beneath him and drops him right at Lord Hades’ feet.

“Everything okay, Lee?”

“Peachy,” he croaks.

Carter giggles again. Lee flushes. Michael gags exaggeratedly behind him, pausing mid-heave to whisper something to Will, and then there’s a giggle, and then two people fake-retching. Carter peeks through his dark eyelashes, pleased expression softening his heart-shaped face, and Lee counts twelve of his own capillaries straight-up explode.

“Well,” he says, too loudly. “I’m — well.”

“I think you have harpies to run from,” Carter suggests gently.

“Indeed.” Lee clears his throat, nodding. “As you have so astutely observed, we do —”

Michael, recognising the strained tone to his voice, groans. “Fucksake, Lee —”

“— and so I bid you adieu —”

“Dude, oh my gods, snap out of it —”

Lee can’t. He barely has control over his own mouth.

“— and vow to see you again in the eve.”

Feeling his soul exit his body, settle in front of him, and then crumple up and die, Lee fucking bows. There is the very distinctive sound of a hand slapping over a mouth, muffling an eruption of giggles, and then the hand of mercy, also known as Michael Yew, clamping on the back of his lava-hot neck.

“Please excuse him,” he says grandly. “He was dropped on his head as a child. He’s normal, usually.”

“Except when you wear your glasses,” Will pipes up. Lee makes a mental note to find Clarisse’s spear and shove it through his own eye. “He gets real weird when you wear your glasses. Once he walked into a wall and broke his nose.”

“…Did he.”

“Yep. And last time he —”

“God, this hurts me to say,” whispers Michael, “but I have to put a stop to this conversation. We’re on a time limit. C’mon, Will. Bye, Carter. Sorry for — well, you know. Apollonian dramatics, not always easy to control.”

He turns, dragging Lee, still hunched over, out of the Cabin Six shadow.

Lee does not un-hunch until they are well over the crest of Half-Blood Hill, harpy screeches beginning to echo behind them.

“I have never been more embarrassed to be related to you in my life,” Michael informs him, the second he’s upright. “Like, genuinely, I’m considering disowning you. That was atrocious, Fletcher. You need to get ahold of yourself. Where is your game? Your dignity?”

“I think he lost it when he was born,” Will says thoughtfully. “Or maybe when Carter smiled at him the first time.”

“I hate both of you,” Lee croaks.

Neither of them seem too incredibly bothered, snickering to each other as they duck into the car.

Willing his flush to go down, Lee herds them into his car. He takes a moment in the cool air to chill the hell out, closing his eyes and breathing deeply, then slips behind the wheel. He checks that Will is belted in properly, slips the car into neutral, and coasts down the road, waiting until Thalia’s tree slips out of sight before turning it on and hitting the gas.

“Where’re we goin’?

“You,” Michael says, flipping down the vanity mirror to glare sternly at Will, “are going to dreamland. It’s three in the morning. Time for bratty children to sleep.”

“What? No! I’m not tired!”

“Fine, fine,” Lee says, exchanging a grin with Michael. “Stay awake, then. As long as you like.”

Will narrows his eyes. “Really?”

“Yep.”

“No trick?”

Lee crosses his fingers. “‘Course not.”

“Fine,” he relents. He settles into the booster seat Lee dragged out of the trunk for him (which he hates), arms crossed over his chest, and stares out the window.

Counting off on his fingers — one, two, three, four — Lee and Michael begin to hum.

At first, nothing happens. Will taps absentmindedly on his knees, humming along to the parts he knows, but soon his fingers slow. Lee and Michael keep it low and quiet, cycling through quiet folk songs Michael’s dad taught him, matching with the rumbling of the car, the slight breeze of Lee’s cracked open window. Michael kicks softly at the base of his seat, one, two, three, four; and matches the rhythm of the radio static, the click of the blinkers on every turn.

Will’s out in twenty minutes.

———

The drive is long.

Michael curls up sometime around four, fogging up the windows with every snore. Lee keeps the radio on a low hum, letting the background noise keep him focused as he navigates. The Atlantic Ocean is ink-black in the early morning, and the waves crash loud enough that he can hear them over the sounds of the engine, and for a while they’re still far enough from the city that the air smells fresh. Even when it starts to sour, and the noise gets a lot more urban, it’s early enough and he’s east enough that the traffic is minimal. Never non-existent — he actually cannot imagine what a traffic-less New York would look like; he doubts he’ll ever live to see it — but enough that he keeps at a steady 35.

The drive through Jersey is uneventful. Farmland and suburbs, nothing he hasn’t seen every day of his life, nothing he didn’t see the last time he made the drive. He entertains himself by counting every brown car he sees, randomly wagering the number by the time he gets there. He’s relieved when he finally crosses the memorial bridge, driving down the exit ramp and pulling into the first big parking lot he sees. Michael wakes up as he puts the car in gear, killing the engine.

“We here?” he asks, popping the joints along his spine.

Lee yawns. “Pretty much, yeah. Pulled off the highway.”

“‘Kay.” He glances in the backseat, where Will is starting to stir. “You nap. I’m gonna find a place for him to change and brush his teeth, maybe get breakfast for all of us.”

“Sounds good”

He crawls in the backseat as Michael guides Will out of it, accepting the blanket tossed his way. He slides his hoodie over his face, lies back, and conks out in minutes.

———

“Yo, Lee. Get up. I got food.”

“Timizzit?” he asks, shaking the grogginess from his limbs.

“Eleven. You slept for four hours. We gotta be at the theatre in an hour.”

“When’s she on?”

“Fuck if I know, man. Diana said noon, I’m gonna be there at noon. You wanna piss off Diana?”

“No.” He rubs the heel of his palm into his eyes, reaching blindly in the direction of Michael’s voice. “Food, please.”

A bag of grease is deposited into his waiting hand. He is pleased to find three cheeseburgers within it, and immediately tears into them with a fervour that can only be described as ‘ravenous’, or perhaps ‘revolting’. Esurient, perhaps, if one was feeling poetic.

Finally awake enough to function, Lee looks critically at the scene in front of him. Michael is dressed in the same button-up and slacks he wears to his dad’s performances, on the years he’s in the U.S., and Will is in jeans without grass stains, real shoes, hair mostly brushed. Michael has even managed to find a shirt that’s not half-unraveled from Will picking at the seams.

“Nice,” he says, nodding in approval.

Michael picks at his nails, visibly preening. “Oh, it was no big deal.”

“Yeah, yeah. Dweeb.”

He polishes off his last burger, then ducks inside the nearest store to find somewhere to get changed. Diana told them it didn’t matter, really, what they wore, but Lee knows better. He knows what this means for Cass, and while yeah, sure, it wouldn’t really matter if he showed up in sweatpants, he wants to show her that he put in the effort. That even if her mother couldn’t, or wouldn’t, they will. All of them. He wants her to see them and know that they did this for her. He wants her to see them and know that they tried, that they care.

Hair perfectly placed and clothes as unwrinkled as he can get them, he hurries back to the car. The theatre isn’t far, and they have a little under an hour, but he doesn’t want to push it. Finding parking will be hard enough.

“Are we on a quest?” Will asks, five minutes out on the road.

“Eight year olds don’t go on quests.”

“Diomedes was ten when he fought the Trojan war.”

“Are you Diomedes?”

“No.”

“Are you ten?”

“No.”

“Then no quests for you.”

“Aw.”

“Your quest can be being quiet for twenty minutes,” Michael grumbles, making a face when Will sticks his tongue out at him.

———

part two

#writint michael was SO FUN and also a bit of a challenge bc he is a bitch #god i love him #pjo #percy jackson and the olympians #hoo #heroes of olympus #pjo hoo toa #lee fletcher #michael yew #will solace #cabin seven #cabin seven kids #lee fletcher & will solace #michael yew & will solace #lee fletcher & michael yew #my writing #fic #longpost

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magnoliacharmed · 7 months ago

Text

Lace

18+, Shawn Michaels x Bret Hart one shot

[Also available on Archive of our Own!]

Tags: Lace panties, daddy kink, creampie, porn with feelings (they say "i love you")

Word count: 2491

Summary:

Shawn has a surprise for Bret.

Shawn stepped out into the beaming Texan sun, shielding his face with his hand while he squinted his eyelids. The parking lot of the strip mall was weirdly crowded for a weekday at noon. He wondered why no one was at work, then immediately remembered someone was probably thinking that about him too. Technically, he was at work. Or at least preparing for it. Having a good tan was a crucial part of being a wrestler as far as he was concerned.

Clutching a tiny black gift bag in his free hand, he made his way through the parking lot to his rental car. With the way the sun beamed off of the surface of cars and the blacktop of the lot, he wondered why he even bothered to stop at the tanning salon. A tan just as nice as the one he received from the salon could have been achieved by letting himself fry like an egg right there in between cars. When he threw himself into the driver's seat and tossed the bag behind him carelessly, he sighed. He just wanted the night to turn out well.

---

Another show, another match, another win. Shawn was sweating like a sinner in church as he headed backstage, high fiving and waving at his adoring fans while he walked. It's not like it was a particularly hard fought match against Goldust. They'd ran it about a million times by this point in house shows around the country and it was beginning to get a little stale in his opinion. Despite it not being the most fulfilling experience, he was happy that he wouldn't be too exhausted after it. His sudden case of sweat could only be blamed on the contents of the gift bag that was burning a hole in the trunk of his car. Worst case scenarios flashed hot in his nerve-addled mind; what if some carjackers chose his vehicle out of all the ones at the arena? They'd steal the damn thing, pop the trunk looking for valuables, then bam! A pair of tights with "Shawn Michaels" scrawled on the back and a bag that had--

"What's your problem? You look like you're about to shit a brick."

"Huh?" The alarm in Shawn's voice shocked Diesel just the slightest. He seemed kind of coked up, like he'd snorted one bump too many.

"You're sweating. Your little mirrors are all wet." Diesel flicked a thick finger against one of the dangling mirrors on his vest.

"Shit. I'm good, man. Aaaaalllll good."

"Yeah, sure. Whatever you're on, remind me not to take any tonight. You comin' out with us or are you headed home?"

Shawn shook his head no quickly. Luckily Austin was only around an hour, hour and a half drive away from his home in San Antonio. Whenever Diesel decided to head out, he was going to grab up his duffel bag and peel out of the arena in a hurry. If this conversation ever ended.

"Gonna head home. Not feelin' so hot tonight."

Diesel wanted to pry more at Shawn's strange behavior, but decided against it. Whatever problems he was causing himself, he didn't really feel like getting himself involved.

"Okay, well page me if you change your mind."

Diesel's eyes followed Shawn's laser-locked stare in the direction of Bret Hart. He gave Diesel a short nod as he walked past them, ignoring Shawn completely. He had an air of determination in his step, walking as if he didn't immediately head to the locker room right that second his night would be ruined. The muscles in his thick legs mesmerized Shawn with every step. Everything about Bret, from the way his oiled up arms gleamed under the lights like the cars in the lot earlier to his post-match fluffed out head of brown hair, got Shawn all twisted up. Shawn began to chew on his bottom lip absentmindedly, Diesel's words not registering in his mind.

"You fuckin' fiend."

Shawn blinked dreamily. What?

"What?"

"What?" Diesel mocked Shawn's accent. Added a little more drawl to it, to Shawn's amusement. "You may not be on anything tonight, but I can tell you need a hit of something."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

A violent blush colored Shawn's cheeks. He was just too easy.

"Aww, so that's why your tan looks so fresh tonight. I was wondering why you were hitting the booth for a house show. You had to get all ready for your boyfriend."

Diesel made kissy noises at Shawn and laughed. He was so obvious when he had a crush. It was sweet when it wasn't so over the top. A quick punch to the arm, one with no real violence behind it, only made Diesel crack up harder.

"Have fun!" he called out as Shawn stomped away in the direction of Bret.

"Shut up!"

Shawn brushed past Bret leaving the locker room just as he was entering. As usual, his expression was relatively unreadable… to the average person. But Shawn was anything but average. Searching Bret's eyes, Shawn saw the embers of a fire beginning to light up.

"Already headed out?" He asked, tamping down any worry in his voice.

"Yeah. Got a little bit of a drive. Shouldn't you be on your way out too?"

"Yep, was just grabbing my stuff." Shawn jutted a thumb in the direction of his waiting duffel bag.

"Guess I'll see you soon, then."

"I have a surprise for you!"

Bret widened his eyes at Shawn's outburst. Is this why he was being so fidgety? All over a silly surprise?

"...Okay."

"You'll see it--" Shawn cleared his throat and coughed, lowering his voice to what he thought was a whisper. "Ahem, later."

"Alright, Shawn."

Bret turned away from the nervous man and began to head out to his car. He could be such a strange guy sometimes. Cute, but strange.

---

Even though he left a few minutes after Bret, Shawn arrived to his home before him. He knew the drive like the back of his hand. Plus, he was speeding. Not so much though that he'd risk getting pulled over, and even worse, arrested. There was no way he'd be able to explain his mystery bag to a cop. He breathed a long sigh of relief as he shut his front door behind him, making sure not to lock it so Bret could walk right in. He peeled off his jeans and t-shirt, stripping completely down to nothing with every step towards his downstairs bathroom. Placing the gift bag carefully on the bathroom sink, he held his hands up at it as if it was about to get up and walk away. He had to be quick. Bret was pretty good with a map, but the Texas highways were still unfamiliar territory to him.

Shawn's shower was efficient. He took the extra few minutes he saved by being fast to assess his tan. It looked great, nice and even. The trunks he wore created an appealing tan line that he was sure Bret would appreciate, especially in tandem with the real star of the night. He raked a brush through his damp hair in a hurry. The sound of a car approaching signaled him to reach into the bag and finish the final part of his look. God, he hoped this all worked out.

Bret pulled into the driveway and shut his car off. It was time to find out why Shawn was being even weirder than usual. He could tell he wasn't high or drunk at the show-- he was a lot more loose with his words when that was the case. He was the opposite, a tightly wound ball of nerves that was very unlike him.

Bret approached the front door and reached up to knock. He stopped before his knuckles hit the wood. Something was telling him to turn the knob instead. When he twisted it to find the door unlocked, he was surprised to see that his instinct was correct.

"You should keep your door locked, you don't want any intruders-- Oh, wow."

Shawn's feelings of worry melted away when he heard the breathlessness in Bret's voice. He approached him slowly, pressing right into his personal space as he reached behind him to lock the door.

"What do you think?"

Before he was able to answer, Shawn pushed Bret down onto his couch. He wasted no time straddling him, a picture perfect sight that Bret was still processing in his mind. Dragging his eyes down his body, he came to rest on what Shawn was apparently so stressed about.

A pretty, white lace pair of panties.

They were bleach white, almost glowing against the tan surrounding them. Shawn's erection strained against them and tented the delicate fabric up invitingly. A tiny wet spot was starting to form against the surface of them, no doubt from how turned on Shawn got wearing them. The fabric was alien to him, yet at the same time felt normal, felt right.

Bret could only take ragged breaths. There were so many things he wanted to say, but he couldn't make the words leave his lips. Shawn reached to grab his hand and place it against his ass, wanting him to feel the stretch of the underwear there too.

"You like it, daddy?" Shawn whispered. He wrapped his arms around Bret's neck and stared down into his brown eyes, tilting his head to the side with the best "fuck me" eyes he'd ever given. Bret blinked once, then squeezed his hand against Shawn's ass. He'd never called him that before. The way it fell out of Shawn's mouth, all wrapped in lust and that accent of his only made Bret harder. It wasn't going to take much to get used to, that was for certain.

Bret maneuvered Shawn's body to place him on his hands and knees. He was impressed with how quickly Shawn managed to get into position, arching up just the right way so the panties caught between his cheeks. A flash of untanned skin that peeked from where the underwear had moved made Bret's breath hitch again.

"Fuck, you look good."

Shawn spread his legs open farther and smiled. Just what he wanted to hear.

"You bought these just for me to see?"

Shawn nodded, his head softly hitting the couch cushion. "Uh-huh."

"So I shouldn't rip them off then." Bret hooked a finger under Shawn's waistband and tugged impatiently.

"Not unless you wanna see them on me again."

Bret worked that over in his head. The ripping would have to wait. Maybe he'd buy Shawn a cheap pair just so they could be torn off. He reached over to the coffee table for a bottle of lube Shawn had remembered to leave out in the nick of time. Messily coating his index and middle finger, Bret used his other hand to move the panties to the side. Shawn's aching cock fell out from the fabric, hanging heavy and neglected below him. Bret pushed his fingers inside of Shawn's tight hole and felt his own dick twitch at the way Shawn groaned from the sensation. When he pushed back against him, fucking himself and begging for more, Bret knew he wouldn't be able to tease him for long.

"Need you, Bret. Need you," Shawn mumbled. His hole spasmed around Bret's fingers, eagerly awaiting what he really wanted.

"Who do you need?"

"You, daddy." Shawn wanted to jump for joy that Bret liked his new nickname for him.

Bret undressed faster than he ever had before. As soon as he'd kicked off his pants and lubed himself up, he pressed the tip of himself against Shawn's hole.

"Beautiful."

Shawn felt his eyes roll back in his head with Bret's first, smooth stroke inside of him. His body felt loose as he struggled to hold himself up. Bret fit perfectly inside of him, better than anyone else ever had. When he moved, a pace that Bret hoped seemed made him seem like he was in control instead of restraining himself, jolts of pleasure wracked through Shawn. As badly as he wanted to push himself farther onto Bret's cock, both his own body and Bret's strong hold on his hip kept him from doing so. He reached a hand down to stroke himself fast, grabbing what he could of the panties to feel them rub against his sensitive skin with every pull. His frenzied movements made his back muscles move mesmerizingly.

"Flip me around, please," Shawn's voice was soft and small under the sound of Bret's groans. "I'm close."

Bret was happy to have a second to breathe. He turned Shawn onto his back and thought he would come just from the way he looked up at him. Sweat soaked strands of blond hair cut across his face while his lips parted open sensually. A stream of precome leaked down his cock, staining the panties and turning them translucent.

"You drive me crazy, daddy."

A renewed vigor took over Bret's body like a specter. He dug himself deep inside Shawn, carving out a new space no one else would be able to fill. Shawn's breathy pleas for Bret to fuck him harder, deeper, just like that, were reverberating around Bret's skull like calls to battle. He would do whatever Shawn wanted, whatever he asked.

"Tell me-- tell me you love me, Bret."

"I fucking love you, Shawn. Daddy loves you."

Shawn gasped as he watched himself come. It leaked out in short spurts across his underwear, ruining it. Bret continued to fuck him through his orgasm, his pace getting faster now that Shawn had came. Bret's muscles tightened up at the base of his neck every time he thrusted. When Shawn gave him a lopsided smile and adjusted the panties around, moving them against and away from his dick to give Bret more access, he abruptly stopped moving. Seconds later he felt himself come deep inside of Shawn, an out of body experience he'd never had before. Bret pulled out and readjusted the underwear back into place just in time enough to watch his come leak out of Shawn's ass and into the fabric. Now they really were ruined with both his and Shawn's release making them damp beyond belief.

"Do you really love me?"

Bret stopped in his tracks on his way to Shawn's bathroom to turn to face him. "I wouldn't have let you call me… that. If I didn't. I'm not into it."

Shawn huffed out a short, smug laugh at Bret's seriousness. "Seems like you are."

"Well, I'm not. Don't expect it to happen again."

Shawn rolled his eyes and lazily stretched his body out like a house cat when Bret turned back around. "Mm-hmm, you got it. What color panties do you want me to wear next time, daddy?"

"Pink and black." Bret's voice was deadpan, the bathroom door shutting behind him with a strong click.

#bret hart #shawn michaels #magnoliafanfic #wrestling #wrestling smut #wrestling fanfic #bretshawn #hartbreak

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snaillock · 1 year ago

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Hi there! Could you write barou, Kaiser and kunigami with a male reader where the bllk boy wants to introduce reader to their parents but reader is really nervous because they rarely encounter non homophobic parents?

I hope it's okay and didn't miss any rules. You can pick whatever format you want and if you don't wanna do all characters, you can just pick one of them as well. Hope you have a great day <3

meeting their families

ft. barou, kaiser, kunigami

tags: lowkey anxious male reader, pre-wc kunigami, me guessing what kaiser’s parents are like so that part could be easily outdated once his backstory is out

barou shoei

when you stood next to him in front of his house, all your nerves suddenly rushed back to you.

“uh barou, are you sure this will go well?”

“yeah of course. i don’t get why you’re freaking out so much”

“well what if your family doesn’t like that you’re dating a guy. oh god what if they judge me and then kick me out? oh no… what if they kick you ou-”

“oh chill out already. my family will be fine with you. trust me,” he reassured you as he walked you to the porch before you could spiral all over again. just like you did on the drive over, “though my sisters can be bit… overbearing. just don’t worry about them too much.”

you couldn’t help but grin as felt some of your confidence come back, “oh wow! the barou shoei calling someone else overbearing? oh my, this is serious! i must brace myself.”

all he did was glare at you before knocking on the front door. once the door opened, you were immediately greeted by loud and cheery hugs from two girls probably a couple years younger than barou gushing about the cute guy he brought home. they soon bombarded you with questions about your relationship that you could barely comprehend from how overwhelming their excitement got. you didn’t even have a chance to take your shoes off. eventually barou had to pull them off of you.

oh that type of overbearing. got it! seems like meeting the family won’t be too bad after all.

michael kaiser

you and kaiser sat at the table for four at some fancy restaurant you haven’t even heard of. the two seats at the other side of the table were empty. you could feel the anticipation and tension in the air as kaiser wasn’t wearing his usual self-assured expression.

“kaiser, are you sure i should be here?” you felt yourself getting more and more nervous the longer you waited. “i mean you haven’t seen your parents since you were a baby and i don’t think me being here will help.”

kaiser looked at you with an uncharacteristic expression of worry on his face. “what do you mean? i really need you here right now.” he placed his hand on top of yours and squeezed it. then some frustration he kept inside of him resurfaced on his face. “those two bastards basically abandoned their own son and now all of a sudden they want to ‘reconnect’ with me, when i’m way more successful than they could ever be?” he scoffed, “yeah right.”

he sighed as he glared at the two empty seats in front of him. “i don’t think i can do this on my own.”

“yeah don’t worry. i’ll stay right here.” you squeezed his hand in return, “i just hope they won’t say anything weird about our relationship. after all, i only know bad things about them so who knows what they’ll say about you, their son, being with another man.”

he sneered, “is that what you’ve been worried about this whole time? who cares what they think about you, my darling? if i’m right and they’re only here to leech off my success, then we’ll just leave and i’ll never have to speak to them again.”

you sighed and smiled at him, “yeah you’re right. well ideally i hope you’re not because i do wish for you to have a nice relationship with your family. but either way, i guess it’ll turn out ok.”

a moment after you said that, an older couple that shared kaiser’s features sat down in front of you two.

kunigami rensuke

kunigami hung up the phone after a one hour conversation. "my parents just called and they said they wanna meet you soon."

"wait what?!” you started getting worried. “they do? are you sure we should do this?”

"yeah why not?” he sat down on the couch right next to you, “they'll love you."

“your parents know you’re dating a guy, right?”

“they don’t yet. they kinda assumed i’m in a relationship and said they wanted to meet my partner but don’t worry it’ll be chill.”

your face dropped and you immediately panicked. “what? you haven’t told them?!”

“no but they’ll be more than ok with it.” he shrugged like it was the most casual thing he could say, “i’ve brought guys home before.”

“you have!?”

“yeah?" he looked at you like he had absolutely no clue as to why you're so surprised. "my parents know i date men.”

“they do!?”

“ah shit. i must’ve forgotten to tell you. i’m already out to my family. have been for a while actually.”

“ah i see.” you sighed and leaned back down onto the cushions, calming down from the anxiety and confusion, “that makes a lot more sense now.” however that was soon replaced with annoyance.

“oh you asshole!” you threw one of the couch pillows at his head. “you had me freaking over nothing.”

he laughed as he grabbed the pillow from his face, “i’m sorry babe! it just slipped my mind.”

taglist(let me know if you wanna be in it!): @userwithlotsoftime @lucas2060

#★ snail.writes ★#scheduled #lowkey popped off on kaisers #like damn i even surprised myself #blue lock #blue lock x male reader #blue lock x reader #male reader #barou shoei x reader #barou x reader #michael kaiser x reader #kaiser x reader #kunigami rensuke x reader #kunigami x reader #barou x male reader #kaiser x male reader #kunigami x male reader

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ingravinoveritas · 10 months ago

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So al was asking ppl to ask her questions as her Fridays are so dull while her partner doing a play. Doesn't she find when she wiv michael it dull cos usually shows it or the other way round and then the bird one I found interesting cos since when have we seen Ms be protective over Al we haven't seen him speak or defend his relationship of what the journalists or ppl say about his relationship of what was said on weds where she defended it and and put a insta story about it we all know he loud but protective I think if he had to choose to protect or save someone it would be david hands down not al

What ur thoughts love to hear ur take on this

(Grouping together for ease of answering. @hyperfixating-rn-brb's Ask is referring to the last screenshot.)

So, I saw this as it was happening on Friday, and...yeah. I'm not sure what the impetus behind this random Insta AMA was (perhaps PR suggesting that Anna do something to counter her rash of recent off-putting social media posts?), but whatever the reason, choices™ were definitely made with some of (well, most of) her answers.

I think what struck me about the ones in these screenshots is how they’re lowkey insulting to Michael, but all in different ways (and not overtly, but passive-aggressively, as hyperfixating-rn-brb mentioned). It also seems odd that AL is currently in London, one of the most dynamic and attraction-filled cities imaginable, yet acting as if there is nothing to do on a Friday night. (Because Michael (and/or Georgia) aren't there to entertain her, I guess?)

Leaving that aside, the entire way this happened was just strange. A lot of the questions felt very boilerplate ("Are you currently reading anything?" "Who is your biggest inspiration?") and almost like they were planned in advance (I think at least one actually was from someone AL knows personally, IIRC), yet interspersed with enough "wacky" questions to give the impression of it being this spontaneous Q&A thing.

As for the answers in the screenshots above, I saw people on Twitter getting outraged over the "girly" question on Saturday, but predictably for all the wrong reasons. In particular, I noticed people once again blaming Michael/David shippers for it, but just from the wording alone, my feeling was that whoever sent in this question did not seem to be a shipper at all. "Girly" has a very specific, borderline homophobic connotation to it (akin to someone asking Anna if she "acts dykey" around Georgia), and while I know English is not her first language, I don't think that meaning is something AL would have missed.

So, no, it's certainly not a great or appropriate question by any means. But the bigger issue, at least in my opinion, wasn't so much "Why would someone ask this?", but rather "Why would she post this?" Because Anna is a grown woman who could have very easily just ignored this question altogether. Instead, she chose to draw attention to it, and to react in much the same way as her "vagueblogging" from the other day. It was as if the purpose in sharing it was to show people what she has to "put up with"--either from the fans or from Michael or both.

That's the other piece of this--that she shared this question with seemingly no regard for how it makes Michael look, or whether it would or could be embarrassing to him. It immediately made me think of this tweet from Michael two years ago, where he chose to answer a question in such a way as to deliberately not embarrass David (further explanation can be found here). It's something that seems so small but means so much, and that you'd think would happen effortlessly for someone you love. So the contrast of that to Anna posting this was striking to me, and it was further compounded by her answer to the "favorite bird" question.

Again, it's almost unsurprising at this point. Anna has previously made unflattering comparisons between Michael and Cousin Itt, a Hobbit, and Hagrid--among others--and now we can add a cockatiel to this list. What’s weird is that the question itself had nothing to do with Michael, so there was absolutely no reason to bring him into it...and yet. It felt like name dropping for the sake of name dropping, which just seems like a weird thing to do when she's been dating him for five years now. Did she think we forgot? That we needed a reminder? Whatever the reason, this definitely seemed like such a strange choice, and another instance of passive-aggressively putting him down under the pretense of a compliment.

(A note about the "protective" part, as I noticed that was particularly mentioned in this Ask. I would agree that there are a lot more overt/visible instances of Michael being protective of David--many of which I have talked about on my blog--than of Anna. That does not mean I don't think he is protective of her, however, but that there is a distinction between the two. It is possible to be protective of someone out of a sense of responsibility and obligation, and those are not necessarily bad things. But it's very different to being protective of someone not because you feel like you have to be protective, but because you want to be. Interpret that how you will...)

Finally, I just need to mention that one of the questions AL was asked was about Georgia ("Is Georgia secretly holding you hostage?"), and what I have hardly seen anyone talking about is that Georgia reshared that Insta story a short while later...and added a song called "I'm Trapped"...

I just...was this meant to be shady on Georgia's part? Who, exactly, is "trapped" here? The subtext and potential implications can go in so many directions here that it's hard to know where to start, but...yeah. The optics of Georgia resharing this story and adding that song in the middle of AL's Insta Q&A were and are questionable/cringey/unintentionally hilarious on multiple levels.

So yes, that is my take on the events of Friday night. As I've said before and will again, I know I could be totally off the mark here, so I'd love to hear from my followers as to what you think. Thank you for writing in! x

#angel19924 #hyperfixating-rn-brb #reply post #michael sheen #welsh seduction machine #trying to provide a balanced perspective #but what's the old saying: when someone shows you who they are believe them the first time #at this point i honestly do not understand why she is even still with him #there was also a question about 'Who was your 1st celeb crush?' and she mentioned a Swedish boy band #but then said she 'couldn't say' who her British crush was but that it's 'not who you think'#and i'm not sure what the purpose of that was either #but i will leave it to my followers to make up their own minds #georgia tennant #anna lundberg #relationships #discourse

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blonde-tori-spring555 · 10 months ago

Text

as promised, here is one of my tori spring stories

(please tell me what u think, because idek if i like it)

“Charlie, I'm going to the shops soon. Do you need anything?” I yelled from the top of the stairs, “Tori, I know you're going on a date with Michael” Charlie replied from the living room, so calmly it confused me if it was actually a date. It isn't a date. I look at myself in the mirror in my room one last time, it feels strange, I feel…put together. What i mean is i spent at least 30 minutes trying to figure out what to wear, from what i've heard, what i've ‘been through’ to figure out what to wear, is ‘perfectly normal’, first i layed out around four options on what to wear, and when I couldn't decide I asked Charlie, which he responded with “where are you even going” and “i don’t know, why does it matter” so I kicked him out and took all my clothes out in panic, and threw them around the room, then I sat on my floor and cried, then told myself I was being an idiot, did my makeup, and put on some jeans, a white shirt, a black hoodie (which actually fitted me instead of being oversized and/or one of Michael) and some white converse, that I stole off Charlie a couple years ago, to be honest I look the same, but whatever.

I took the bus to the ice skating place Michael went to, he said we could skate together after he's done training, I'm not sure why I said yes, I don't even know how to skate, I haven't since I was a kid. This isn't a date.

I walk inside, he's still training, so I sit in the stands and wait. If this isn't a date, then why am I so nervous? Maybe this is a date, maybe Michael intends it to be a date. Shit this is a date isn't it, no surely not, Michael isn’t my boyfriend, he isn't, so this surely isn't a date.

“Tori!'' I look up and snap out of my thoughts, Michael smiling widely and waving at me from the rink, I smile back, “is that a smile I see Victoria '' he gasps dramatically, I roll my eyes and try not to laugh. I'm blushing. I walk down the stairs and meet with him, and he gleams at me and smiles largely making him look almost insane and cute at the same time, “what?” I ask, “nothing, nothing, you just-” he looks me up and down, not in a sexual way but in a way almost to fully look at me, if that makes sense, “oh my god u looks so cute!” he says in the loudly excitable way, like a child getting a new toy, he quickly takes off his skates and runs up to me and hugs me, almost lifting me off the ground, its probably because of our height difference, he’s alot taller, “i look the same” I reply bluntly, still being held, “yeah, but your… ughhhhh, your so fucking pretty” he nuzzles his face into my neck, gives it a quick kiss, then quickly walks away as if regretting, he opens his mouth to say something, probably to say sorry, but I quickly beat him to it by saying “so we gonna skate now or…?” he looks at me, closes his mouth, half forces a smile “yeah sure” he goes and grabs me some skates, hands them to me and sits down to put his own on, I sit next to him, “just so you know imma be shit at this” he looks and me and laughs softly “I thought so, that's why i’m here to help” I roll my eyes and laugh, he smirks back.

We’re now on the ice, well michael is, i’m standing at the entrance scared to death, “if I die this is all your fault” I glare at him “i’m sure you wont die” he laughs, “i’m fucking serious” I try not to laugh, he holds my hands as I walk onto the ice, to my surprise I dont immediately fall. I force him to hold onto me as we skate, or well he drags me. We laugh and smile and talk and fall, eventually we finish, and we're sore and tired and loki kinda wet, but it was fun. It's still not a date though.

“Are you just going home now or?” he looks at me, he seems understanding, “yeah probably, I told my parents I would be home soon so” i say not looking at him “ok” he nods understandingly “I don't ever really do though” I say still not looking at him, “what?” he asks confused, I realise im not making sense “sorry…ummm, if you don't want me to go now we can just hang around for a bit longer” he looks at me and smiles “if you want” I nod back, i’m blushing, i'm not sure why, he doesn't ask if my parents will be mad, he knows i don't care, anymore at least.

We just sorta sit and talk for a while, after a bit we fall into silence, it's a comfortable silence, it's never really awkward around him, after a minute or so I break it, “don’t you think it's strange that everyone thinks we're dating, just because they saw us kiss once” I look at him, he looks back “their just hopeless romantics'' he replies, “your starting to sound like me” I joke, he laughs back, “that kiss…” I say, we’ve talked about it before, we’ve decided it was a heat of the moment sorta thing, we’ve kissed a few times since. not in that way. He looks at me, for context when I bring it up its the only way my fucking autistic brain can ask for a kiss, he leans in and says “no ones here and no one cares” I put my hands on his face and kiss him, its a normal kiss, not a gross one were u taste eachothers mouths, its just normal, it doesnt last long, but it's long enough.

We part and he rests his forehead on mine, he's looking at me, I keep my eyes closed. I hate eye contact, it makes me wanna die. I finally open my eyes to look at his blue and green ones, he still hasn’t put his glasses back on, his blue eye isn't as bright as my blue eyes, he even jokes that when he doesn't have his glasses on, it's the main thing he can see on my face. For context he's like nearly blind in his blue eye and his eyesight is shit in general. He kisses my forehead. We stayed like that for a bit.

He walks me home, I chose not to take the bus, everytime i’m on one that isn't for school there is usually a random old man eyeing me. I hate men. We get to my house, I don't invite him in, I already know my mum is pissed at me, I'm an hour and 23 minutes late to what time I said I should be home, Michael doesn't need to see her yell, he’ll probably think she's crazy or some shit. I give him a kiss goodbye and walk into my house.

“Your late Victoria” I hear my mum say from the kitchen, she's not even looking at me, Charlie and Ollie both turn and look at me, their playing mario kart, Charlie nods at me then unpaused the game and they both continue to play, “so what were you and michael doing to make you an hour and a half late” my mum raises her eyebrow, my dads head shoots up, oh i'm in for a lovely talk, “victoria this is just unacceptable, the least you could do is call me and say that your going to be late, but here we are, worried sick” my mum guilt trips “yeah but even calling wouldn't of been enough would it” I say, it wasn’t aggressive just pointing out the obvious, “loose that tone” my mum snaps, “what tone” i scoff, “tori, me and your mum think it's inappropriate for you to be hanging out with a boy and coming home exceedingly late and in clothes that are very obviously his” my dad says trying to calm the situation, and for fucks sake that ain't happening, “first of all michael isn’t my boyfriend, second of all your talking about him like he’s in his 30s, and third of all why do you both even think im late” i sorta shout, but its still quiet so Charlie and Ollie can’t hear, “tori your too young to be having…hanky panky” my dad says, oh im in for a treat, in my head i plan to say something like ‘he’s not my boyfriend’ or ‘stop saying hanky panky’ but it comes out more like…”OH YOUR ONE TO FUCKING TALK!” don’t regret it though, if you don't know my parents had me barely a 2 years after they met and got together, my mum finished her english lit course only 2 months before I was born, she had to drop out of a lot but her parents were happy she at least finished the minimum, anyway she had me and my dad was still studying in uni so we went and lived in cambridge where my dad studied, when i was 4 months old my mum got pregnant again, with charlie, he was born like a month early, but so was i, we were both pretty much fine, my dad never wanted to rush into marriage, my mum didn't mind, but i think when you get your girlfriend pregnant twice it's kinda the deal. Ok sorry that just sounds weird. My parents got married when I was 3 and Charlie was 2. My dad looks at me, clearly unsure what to say, my mum is clearly trying not to say something she's gonna regret later, so i just walk away.

I’m not really sure how long it had been since that ‘argument’ but after a bit charlie knocked on my door, i let him in and we cuddled in my bed for a bit, “i heard what you said” he eventually says “did ollie?” i reply, “no, i don't think so” he responds, i nod, “the funny thing is your right” he chuckles, i laugh softly back, “its weird how people look at us and don't realise” i say, “i know right like i was casually talking about it to Sarah and she was in pure shock!” Charlie laughs, Sarah is Nick's mum, she's nice, i like her. We just laugh for a bit and at some point Charlie falls asleep in my arms and I start to drift off too. to be honest it's the best sleep I've had in a long time.

I don't really remember my childhood, it was normal i guess, the funny thing is that majority of the memories i have include charlie, which yeah like he’s my brother, but what i mean is their special, like my main happy memories, charlie and i have been through everything together, like when i got my first period when i was 9 my mum was at some baby appointment since she had just had ollie and i thought i was dying so for some reason instead of going to my dad i went to my little brother, obviously he didn't know what was happening to me so he just held me and cuddled me as i cried, my dad eventually found us and comforted me until my mum came home, and when he came out to us, he had blurted it out one dinner when he was 13 and run to his room before anyone could react, i ran after him and held him and talked to him and told him how proud i was and how much i loved him, and when i was like 6 i decided i wanted to run away, i don't remember why i just did, and my 5 year old little brother asked if he could come with me and so i said yes and we attempted to camp out on our trampoline we had growing up (our grandparents gave it to us or something) and eventually we got to cold and went inside and my parents said we could all stay up and watch a movie but im pretty sure we fell asleep in like 15 minutes. To be honest the list goes on and on, and now that I think about it I realise why people think we’re twins. I know it's total bullshit, but you know what I mean, like for a good 3 or 4 years growing up we were the same height. The thing is charlie will always be mine, he was mine first and biologically we will always be together, i would do anything for him, i would for either of my brothers, i would kill for them no questions asked, i would die for them, i would lie for them and i will always protect them. My parents used to always say that was my job as the older sibling, and it's funny because it’s true, but I could choose not to, but I want to, it's a habit, it's a need. For a long time i always thought i only felt that way about my brothers, that was until michael came into my life and nick really became part of our family, i mean it will always be a different kind of love, but i would still do anything for them. No questions asked.

I eventually actually fall asleep holding Charlie, as if it's a habit, I wake up at what has to be a decent hour for someone who has slept in, (it was around 10:30) I wake up still holding Charlie and ollie curled next to me like a kitten, they're both still asleep, but clearly about to wake up, I just lie there for a while longer, savoring it like it's the last time it will be this way, even if it probably isn't. The boys wake up around 5 minutes after I do. Nick and Michael come over, and we just sit and watch movies all day, and play Mario kart, and laugh until our stomachs hurt. I could get used to this, I love these boys, all in different ways, but yet the same, listen I am aware I probably sound like I'm reminiscing on my deathbed right now, but when you have lived a shit life like me and have seen things a person should never have to see, whether a child or a teenager, or even an adult, you treasure moments like this, my parents are still home, their just doing their own thing, them seem happy, they definitely talked about what I had said, I don't care, if they wanted to punish me they would’ve by now.

Right now high school musical is playing due to Nick and Michael learning ollie has never watched it and they apparently must educate him and their dancing and singing around the room together and me and charlie are sitting on the couch admiring it all. I kiss his cheek and he smiles at me. I love my boys.

But Nick should probably stop encouraging ollie to dance on the coffee table before someone gets told off or hurt.

(Please tell me what u think, I also might change it slightly since it does include things that barley make sense, but I hope u enjoyed x)

#tori spring #alice oseman #heartstopper #osemanverse #solitaire #writing #fanfic #micheal holden #charlie spring #oliver spring #nick nelson #sprolden #narlie #janio #jane spring #julio spring

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hunterwritesstuff · 10 months ago

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Full on nsfw hcs of the arch angels plz <3 take ur time

HELL YEAH, UNDER THE CUT BECAUSE MINORS DON'T READ, ENJOY, POOKIES! <3

☠️ Azrael is a dom. Full stop. Sure, some things may catch him off-guard, but like. still a dom.

☠️ Very much so into light degradation and heavy praise. He likes seeing you squirm under him.

☠️ As vocal as he can be in bed(Vocal chord injury).

☠️ Any potential noises he may make in bed are growls, low grunts, and deep moans.

☠️ Heaven help you if there are mirrors nearby.

☠️ He likes being able to see you fall apart :)

☠️ Also like, really likes railing you into the bed.

☠️ Azrael is SLIGHTLY Bi(I do what I want lmao), so like. Man? Woman? Doesn't matter. The instant you say yes to doing something intimate with him(consent is very important), good luck walking-

🔥 Dom. You can't take that shit away from him. If you try, he will bite you.

🔥 His flame basically is just hair, so like, if you want extra noises, just tug on it. If he sees you reaching for it, he'll get what you're going for and basically make it no-burn. He likes it getting tugged.

🔥 He's. pretty into bondage, weirdly enough. On you, specifically. On him, it's a, ah...pretty big fire hazard unless it's specially made, and that's a little too expensive for him to feel it's worth it.

🔥 He ain't afraid to degrade you if he thinks you're misbehaving(it typically gets discussed beforehand, if it makes you uncomfy, he won't, he'll just gently correct you).

🔥 Very into overstim. Al.Also edging.

🔥 Heaven FUCKING help you.

☀️ Bottom, I'm sorry.

☀️ Very vocal. Begging, whimpering, whining, moaning, gasping, groaning, you name it!

☀️ He will most likely cling onto you during the act.

☀️ If you edge him while riding him, he'll beg desperately for you to keep going, that he'll be a good boy, that he'll do whatever you want, just please don't stop!

☀️ If you pin him down, he'll get even more riled up.

☀️ If you're into overstim and keep riding him after he's initially released, he's immediately more vocal, alternating between begging you to stop and keep going(he means the keep going bit btw, if he asks you to stop without using your safeword, he doesn't mean it /gen)

☀️ Straight, and loves when you suck him off. Like, it causes him to unravel so Goddamn fast.

🗡️ Hard dom. Do with that what you will.

🗡️ He has this whole thing about being in control the whole time. You obviously have say in shit, but like, he prefers being in control.

🗡️ Closeted gay. This is hilarious considering things about him.

🗡️ Very vocal.

🗡️ Into degradation. It goes both ways. He finds it hot that you think you can get under his skin, but if you actually manage to, chances are high that he'll pick up the pace.

🗡️ Chances are high that while he's railing you, he'll probably jerk you off. Also like, he'll definitely try to control your orgasm as much as he can. He loves hearing you beg for him to let you release.

🗡️ Definitely into cockwarming. Also like, that thing where you sit on his dick while he's in a meeting and have to try to not move or make any noises the whole time. He likes seeing you squirm :)

Bonus!

⚕️ Raphael is a like. Switch.

⚕️ Somehow has a bondage kink. He doesn't know where it came from either.

⚕️ We stan a pan king <3

⚕️ All he really cares about is that you love him for him, and that you don't have any malicious intent, and that you're doing it because you want to.

⚕️ VERRY heavy on praise! Both for you and him!

⚕️ If he hears any noise from you that may be trying to say your safeword or slightly pained, he pauses to ask if you're okay.

⚕️ He's just. Very kind and loving during the act.

⚕️ He isn't afraid to mark you tho

⚕️ Very vocal. Whimpering, praise, moaning, grunts, groans, he's just. verrry vocal.

⚕️ Overall? Total sweetheart during the act! And after of course, but that goes for all of the boys here(Yes, even Michael) <3

#hazbin azrael #hazbin hotel azrael #hazbin uriel #hazbin hotel uriel #hazbin gabriel #hazbin hotel gabriel #hazbin michael #hazbin hotel michael #hazbin hotel raphael #hazbin raphael #smut

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delphiealmond · 8 months ago

Text

A Fallen Apple From The Apple Tree

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Pairing ➸ Lucifer Morningstar x Alastor

Synopsis ➸ Lucifer Morningstar believed that Heaven was a sanctuary, the best place for a soul to be in. Growing up with his brothers was the easy part, until God summoned him and his older brother Michael to guard over the portal between realms. Slowly, Lucifer begins to see how frightful Heaven really was. Sought out to defend the sinners of Hell, tragedy strikes among the Archangels. But a familiar face makes Lucifer think that maybe defending his opinion wasn't the worst idea he could've had. Does this familiar face bring him peace? Or does Lucifer end up getting stuck in another twisting cycle of lies and betrayals?

Warnings ➸ 18+, Panic Attack, talk of murder, swearing

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Chapter Eight (4.6k)

It was a big deal, being called on by God. A lot of winners see it as an opportunity to meet the big man, to thank him and take on whatever offer he suggests. But to others, it's an intimidating moment, standing in front of the large office doors. Many meetings worth millennials happened in the very office they were beckoned to.

Worry and maybe panic entered their bodies, wondering what could be the true reason behind the meeting. Why bother bringing them here, when he could have discussed it in the safety and warmth of their own home?

Being the first two sons of God was tricky as well. A single mistake, and you could be punished. A single good deed and all of Heaven worships you for your work. But Lucifer never expected this. Never expected to be welcomed into the first stages of the Hierarchy. Of course, being the son of God, he was already halfway there. But this was a bigger step he never expected.

He dressed to his finest. A deep blue button up and white slick pants. Knee high black boots and deep blue gloves that covered over his hands. His hair, a tad bit messy, but overall pristine. He was nervous, he had never seen the inside of his father’s office, and he was just about to.

Stood beside him, Michael clutched onto the sleeves of his shirt. A white frill button up and deep blue pants. The two never meant to match, yet it had become a habit over the years.

“I’m nervous…” Michael muttered. Lucifer swallowed hard as he looked at him.

“Don’t be… I’m sure it’s nothing serious. I don’t think we’re in trouble.”

“My stars, I hope not.” Michael looked at Lucifer. “Did you apologize to him for what happened yesterday?”

“Last night, yeah.” Lucifer nodded quickly. “Have you done anything wrong..?” Michael quickly shook his head.

“Not that I know of…” He muttered. “But… He did say it’s for the hierarchy, didn’t he? Like last night?” He asked. Lucifer swallowed hard once more, giving a firm nod.

“Definitely.”

“So we must not be in trouble.” Michael muttered, taking a deep breath as he stood tall. “Are you ready…?”

“Barely,” Lucifer breathed, yet he stood tall as well.

Michael gave a slight nod as he raised his hand, knocking his fist three times on the big white door. In a matter of seconds, the door inched open, the bright light as so many winners talked about gleamed into their eyes, before fading into the likeness of their father’s office.

It was large, shrouded in all shades of white. His desk, gold with tints of blue on it. Bookshelves littered with books, trinkets and other things. One trinket of Earth, the other the layers of Heaven. And tucked behind him, a rainbow of colours hovered around a golden center.

Michael took the first step in, with Lucifer following behind him.

“My sons,” God stood from his seat, snapping his fingers as the doors closed behind them. “And how are you this morning?”

“Nervous.” Lucifer blurted, before he immediately covered his mouth. God raised an eyebrow but laughed.

“Don’t be nervous, it’s fine.” He gestured to the two seats in front of his desk. “What do you have to be nervous about?”

Lucifer glanced at Michael, who didn’t meet his eyes. He headed over to one of the chairs and sat down, Lucifer following stride.

“Is it because I brought up the hierarchy?” God asked, leaning forward, his elbows pressing into the gold plating of his desk.

“I think so.” Michael spoke, putting his hands in his lap. God gave a small nod, looking between the two of them. He couldn’t help but smile, looking at their clothes.

“You know, when you were about 7 years old, the two of you would match up all the time? You would make sure you wore the same style of clothes, styled your hair the same way and made sure to talk the same way too. As if the two of you were twins.” He said, remembering the good days of their childhood.

Lucifer glanced over to Michael, who glanced back at him. They shared a small smile, knowing how different they really are now.

“I guess though, the two of you grew up.” He sighed, leaning back in his chair. “You have grown up into fine, young men. And that’s why I’m giving you both this chance, an easier way into the hierarchy than the years of trouble that you would normally have to go through.” He stood from his seat, wandering around the room as he looked at the many books he had.

Michael glanced at Lucifer, confused but willing to learn. Lucifer, on the other hand, was shocked. An easier way into the hierarchy? There was such a thing?

“Ever since the two of you were children, the rules of Heaven and Hell had changed drastically.” God took one of the books off the shelf and placed it on his desk. “I still remember the day the deal was struck. I regret bringing the two of you with me that day.” He said.

He flipped open the book, as magic swirled around it, displaying in white and black dust a story unfolding before their eyes.

“You see, before the two of you were created, Heaven and Hell had an agreement. The two worlds would be separate, but have access to communicate. One world for sinners, and one world for winners.” He explained as the black and white dust following his words.

“But by the time you two were… Less than ten years old, several sinners, demons, tried to breach the gates of Heaven. Tried to storm the one thing Sera and I were fighting to protect.” The dust showed images, demons crawling to the top, fingers trying to grab at the gates of Heaven.

“We had to exterminate them that day. That is when I made the decision that we had to do something to stop these demons from breaching the safest place known to all kinds. I went down to Hell to strike a deal, and now…” The dust depicted the two brothers, a portal to the angel world.

“I give you the chance to protect Heaven with all you have.” The dust slowly disappeared into the room, as God closed the book. “It was written in your prophecies, the two of you destined to protect Heaven.” He picked up the book and brought it back over to the bookshelf.

“Father, what… Does this mean?” Michael asked, a frown on his face as his hands gripped at his knees.

“This means…” God sat back down at his desk. “Michael. Lucifer. I grant you the position of power, the position of guarding the angelic portal between Hell and Heaven. This portal is opened once a year, and is a very special thing. You must train and learn how to protect it.” God explained.

“With…?” Lucifer began.

“The angelic army awaits the two of you. You will hold the higher power among the exorcists. But above you, two of the elder angels who you must respect. Can you do this for me?”

“Protect heaven?” Lucifer frowned, trying to grab a hold of the whole situation.

“While the portal is open, I want the two of you to enter Hell, but stay by the portal. Any demon or sinner who attempts to enter, you must kill.”

The words echoed through Lucifer’s mind. He could feel his heartbeat in his throat, his eyes wanting to blur as he listened, just barely, to what Michael had to say.

“And you say this will get us a better chance at the Hierarchy?”

“Of course. You do this for me, and you both will have your own furtherance day.” God explained, yet his words were hazy in between Lucifer’s struggle to understand.

“Kill demons?”

“Is that a problem…?” God frowned. Lucifer’s throat ran dry. A memory passed through his head, a white bandage, black blood. Things began to spin as he stood from his spot.

“I need… Some air.” He muttered, before leaving the office without a hesitation.

“Lucifer!” Michael stood from his spot, heading after him. God, on the other hand, sat in his spot as he watched his sons leave. His fingers linked together, his gaze sharpening as the doors closed behind the two brothers.

“You better not fail me.”

~~~~

Heaven was almost too loud for him. The chatter among the streets, the sound of store jingles as winners entered. The world was too bright, he couldn't see straight and his eyes were going blurry. He could feel his heartbeat pulsing all over, he couldn’t catch his breath.

He stumbled down the few steps, before finally sitting down. He didn’t even hear the door opening behind him as he tried to calm him breathing. He felt like he was shaking, was he shaking? He looked down at his hands, seeing double. He squeezed his eyes shut, running his hands through his hair.

“Lucifer,” Michael rushed down the steps, kneeling down in front of his younger brother. “Hey, are you okay?” He reached out, gently touching Lucifer’s arm.

“Don’t, don’t-” Lucifer almost pushed Michael away from him. “Don’t touch me.” He muttered, his voice shaky, his words barely making it out as he gasped.

Michael sat there, staring at his younger brother as a wave of worry began to wash over him. He removed his hands, watching as Lucifer tried to ground himself once more.

The two of them sat in silence for what felt like hours. The world around them, slowly growing back to its normal sound. The chatter; not so deafening to Lucifer anymore. The light of Heaven, the colours, they didn’t blind him as the fuzzy world slowly became clear again. He didn’t feel his heartbeat in his hands anymore. He didn’t hear the rushing of his blood in his ears.

Yet, sitting beside him, Michael waited. His hands in his lap as he hung his head, looking at his hands, waiting for his brother to snap back to reality.

Taking a careful deep breath, Lucifer sighed, closing his eyes. He wondered why he felt like that, why his body rushed into a panic, a sensation he couldn’t quite put a name to.

“Sorry…” He muttered. Michael snapped his head up, looking at Lucifer with concern in his eyes.

“Are you okay…?” He asked, scooting closer to him as he rubbed his back. Lucifer paused for a second. His throat was dry, and his mouth tasted weird, but he nodded.

“I think so…”

“What happened…?” Michael pondered, trying to make sense of such theatrics.

“I don’t know…” Lucifer rubbed his forehead, closing his eyes. “I just… I couldn’t think straight. After he told us what we have to do…”

Michael frowned, his gaze leaving his brother as he looked out at the streets of Heaven.

“What part, exactly…?”

“The…” Lucifer paused. “The killing part.” He muttered. “Michael,” He turned to him, a heavy, sad frown on his face. “We aren’t built to kill. We were made to protect Heaven… Not kill innocent souls.”

“Would they really be innocent though…?” Michael asked. “You don’t really know what these… Demons did to get down there..”

Lucifer bit the inside of his cheek, turning his gaze out to Heaven as well. It was beautiful, peaceful and looked so full of life. So full of happiness and joy.

“I don’t… understand why it has to be us though. Why can’t the army take care of it themselves…? And,” Lucifer scooted away from Michael. “This… Entire plan thing? It’s been going on since we were children?”

“You…” Michael hesitated. “You don’t remember…?”

“Remember.. What?” Lucifer frowned, watching as Michael’s expression dropped severely. He wasn’t one to often show his negative emotions so powerfully, especially out in the open.

“We were kids when Father brought us down to Hell. And you,” Michael stole a quick glance to his brother. “You grew attached to a hellborn and it almost hurt you. Father said that it nicked your clothes before Cherubim stepped in.” He explained.

Lucifer frowned, listening to the story. A blurry memory hazed over his mind, but for the longest time, Lucifer thought it was just a dream. A dream he remembered only part of.

“So Father brought us back to Heaven and assigned the angelic army to go down to Hell once a year, to kill sinners.”

Lucifer stared at Michael. Everything he had known about Hell, all of the things he was taught by Sera, by his Father pricked his memory.

“So… Why choose us then…?” Michael shrugged in response.

“I’m not sure… But, Luci,” He placed a hand against the younger’s shoulder. “We have to do this… For Father, for our brothers.” He muttered.

“What if I don’t want to..?”

“Don’t say that…” Michael frowned, wrapping an arm around his brother’s shoulders. “Don’t say that…” He muttered, putting his head against Lucifer’s. “We have to protect Heaven, and if not for Heaven, do it to protect Gabriel. Uriel. Raphael, and Joel. For Emily.” He muttered.

Lucifer frowned, looking at the golden steps that led up to God’s building, his office. He took a small deep breath as he closed his eyes. For his brothers. For Emily.

“Fine… But only for them.” He said, looking at Michael. “And I won’t kill anyone. I can’t..”

“That’s fine,” Michael let go of his brother, giving him a small smile. “That’s fine, you don’t have to.” He stood from the steps, holding out his hand. Lucifer hesitated, but took Michael’s hand and was pulled to his feet.

“We should… Tell Father.”

“Yeah… I guess we should.”

Michael rubbed Lucifer’s back before he headed back up the steps. Lucifer watched him go, only for a heavy sigh to leave his lips as he begrudgingly followed Michael back inside the building.

The light didn’t blind him as much as it had their first time entering God’s office. The white colours seemed a little grey in his eyes now, but he sat down while Michael stood beside him.

“We’ll do it.” He said, resting a hand against Lucifer’s shoulder. “We’ll protect the angelic portal between the realms.”

“But I won’t kill anyone.” Lucifer met his father’s eyes. “I won’t do it.”

Watching between the two of them, God leaned back in his seat, his arms crossing over his chest. He looked at Michael, a son destined to prove his worth. And he looked at Lucifer, perhaps a son destined to struggle, but he could see great things from the boy.

“Very well then,” He smiled, leaning forward. “Starting tomorrow, the two of you will be training with the Angelic army.”

Lucifer’s jaw tightened as he stole a glance up at Michael. The older gave God a firm nod, before he looked down at his brother. A gentle squeeze of his shoulder and the two boys left God’s office. Michael, beginning to wonder what this could mean for their next steps, while Lucifer contemplated the agreement, contemplated his own father.

~~~~

The training platform wasn’t at all what Lucifer was expecting. Human souls, winners that were a part of the Angelic army, trained with their weapons. They attacked fake dolls dressed as demons from Hell. Others tested their speed, their dodging abilities against each other.

But stood to the side, two elder angels watched among their crew. Watched the training ensue as they awaited for the next extermination day. Lucifer didn’t want to train with angelic weapons. He didn’t want to use a spear and practice cutting off a doll's head. He found it grotesque and violent, something Heaven wasn’t.

The world around them so foreign to their usual leisure as Michael stole a glance at Lucifer.

“It’s gonna be fine.” He encouraged, a smile on his face as he headed over to the two elder angels.

Swallowing hard, Lucifer could already sense the unwelcome feeling in the air that surrounded the exorcists.

“Good morning Raguel, Zadkiel.” Michael bowed to the two of them, greeting them with honor. Slowly, Lucifer mimicked his brother, bowing as well.

“Good morning Michael, Lucifer.” Raguel smiled, crossing his arms over his chest. “Your father told us that you’d be joining us. Are you excited?”

“Excited is an overstatement…” Lucifer muttered, crossing his arms over his chest as he looked out at the training angels.

“Lucifer…” Michael frowned, looking at his younger brother.

“No, it’s okay.” Raguel held up a hand. “At the start of it all, some don’t think it’s worth it, but once you see what’s really down there, you’ll know why we train like this.”

“Of course.”

“The two of you will be guarding the portal, will you not?” Zadkiel asked, looking among the two of them.

“Uh, yes sir.” Michael said, standing tall.

“Good. Your first order of training will be under Alya and Dina. They’re some of our strongest protectors. I wish both of you good luck and train well. Without the proper protection, you could get killed.” Zadkiel explained.

“Woah, harsh to drop the bomb.” Raguel said, nudging the taller angel next to him.

“Alya and Dina…” Michael repeated, looking among the angels. He spotted the two of them as they sat together to enjoy some snacks while they awaited the archangels. “Come on Lucifer.” Michael gently grabbed Lucifer’s arm as he dragged him over to the two of them.

Lucifer followed, unable to say no to his older brother. He and Michael were already protectors, he didn’t see the point in training in their specialized skill. Perhaps he was just being stubborn, but he didn’t like the idea of it.

“Dina? Alya?” Michael approached the two girls, who immediately stood from their spots.

“Archangel Michael,” Alya bowed to him. “Archangel Lucifer, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”

Lucifer bowed his head back in habit.

“You as well. Zadkiel says you’re to train us in protection?”

“Yes,” Dina put her hands on her hips. “Welcome to protection training 101.” She said, “Throughout this section, you will learn how to protect yourself from an attack. You’ll learn to dodge, cast magic to protect the portal and be vigilant.”

“Mr. Lucifer sir,” Alya headed over to Lucifer, holding out her hand. Lucifer blinked for a second. No one in Heaven had ever called Lucifer sir. Was it really because he was an archangel?

He took her hand as she led him over to a few machines set up, while Dina grabbed a hold of Michael and began to tell him about the specific magic casts he would need to practice.

“Um,” Alya smiled up at him. “This machine is an easy level for dodging. It’ll throw simple, small objects at you and using your wings and your powers, you will go ahead and dodge them the best you can.”

“Is there like… a limit?” He asked, looking down at her.

“Well, um, Lute, our strongest fighter, she can dodge up to 300 items without getting hit once.” She explained, heading over to the machine. Lucifer smirked, looking at it as he took off his jacket. His blue and white wings flushed out, all six of them as he lifted from the ground.

“I can beat that.”

“Sir-”

“Trust me,” Lucifer winked at her. “I can beat it.”

~~~~

The days went on and on, days of heavy training to light training. Some days were simply spent in classes with Raguel and Zadkiel, just to understand the differences between Heaven and Hell. To realize how dangerous the underworld really was. During those days, Lucifer didn’t pay much attention. He ended up doodling little designs for the small ducks he’d been working on. He wanted to give one to Raguel and Zadkiel. He wanted to give one to Alya and Dina for their gracious help. Maybe even make one for Michael if he had the time.

But, as the two brothers trained, their days started to mix with each other, unable to determine what day it was, what they had learned. As a matter of fact, the two brothers practiced with each other more than anything.

A few good laughs here and there when Michael would get hit by some random object thrown at him, or a good laugh when lucifer’s magic failed and exploded fireworks into his face. Despite training for something horrible in Lucifer’s mind, he began to have fun with it.

Maybe it helped that Michael was with him. The older brother was always there to shelter Lucifer, to protect him and keep him happy. And Lucifer did the same to Michael. The two of them, even as now, had gotten closer than they ever were before.

“Lucifer, Michael.” Zadkiel held his hands behind his back as he walked back and forth in front of the two brothers. “Now that your training for protection is nearly done, you need to understand the basic principles of our weapons. The exorcists wield angelic spears. These spears are used to fight the demons that come into their paths.” He explained.

Lucifer watched Zadkiel, before stealing a glance at Michael. The blonde was always so invested in learning. He read big fat books when he was a pre-teen, and even now he looked more intrigued in learning about weaponry than Lucifer had ever seen him.

“The two of you will be wielding the swords of God. Two swords crafted by God’s hands against the stones from the rocky mountains on Earth. The swords are heavy, crafted from Angelic metals and pure gold. These swords are to do double the damage against a demon if one approaches.” Zadkiel used his magic as two swords conjured in front of them, yet, only depicted in imagery.

“These will be your weapons of choice. No other. Your father has seen to it that I personally give you the training with the weapons. But my only concern,” He paused, looking at the two brothers. “Are you both capable of doing it?”

“Doing…? What?” Michael asked.

“Killing a demon.”

“Your training shows that you’re ready to protect the portal between worlds,” Raguel began. “But what comes with the swords, comes the trouble and role of the job. You’re not just there to sit there and look pretty. You’re there to keep demons in check. Keep them from getting close, even if they attempt.” He said.

Lucifer’s jaw tightened. He was fine if he didn’t have to wield a weapon. He was fine using his magic to protect the portal and his brother. But the moment the weapons got involved, something felt like it was crawling beneath his skin. A foreign uneasiness that almost twisted his stomach.

“I think we’re ready.” Michael spoke, stealing a glance at Lucifer. “Don’t you?”

Lucifer swallowed hard as he looked at his brother. He wanted to say no, back down and just say he wanted to protect and not fight, but he had no other choice.

“Yeah.”

“Very good then.” Zadkiel stood straight. “The two of you will meet me at the ring tomorrow at 9am sharp. We will spend the day getting used to the weight of the weapon, stance with the weapon and how to fight with it. This will be what you train for in the next upcoming months.”

“Extermination day is two months away. If you can show us that you’re ready a week before we’re to go down, then you will be joining the exorcists.” Raguel explained, putting his hands behind his back.

“You may leave,” Zadkiel said, gesturing to the two of them. Michael was quick to get up from his seat, looking at Lucifer as he dragged himself out of his own seat and followed Michael into the hallway.

“What?” Michael looked at him.

“Nothing.” Lucifer shoved his hands in his pockets as he headed throughout the building. Michael huffed, following the younger brother.

“It’s not nothing, something’s on your mind. You can tell me…” Michael insisted, walking alongside Lucifer. The younger stopped in his tracks, looking at Michael with concerned eyes.

“You may be okay with fighting the demons and all that, but I don’t want to. I’m fine with just hanging in the air and keeping the portal safe.”

“Father said you don’t have to fight.” Michael reminded him. “It’s just precaution, Luci… What if something happens, and something jumps up and tries to hurt you? And what if I’m not there? What happens then? Are you just gonna accept death? Or are you gonna fight to protect yourself?” He asked.

Lucifer stayed silent. He wanted to banter back with Michael, but he had a point.

“I’ve seen you. You’re good at this. You know how to dodge well, your magic’s improved significantly. This is the last thing, and heck, you don’t even have to use it. Just have it on you, that’s all I ask.” Michael placed a hand against his chest. “Please?”

Lucifer sighed, but gave a small nod.

“Fine…”

Michael smiled at him, before nudging him.

“That’s my brother. Come on, let’s go practice some more before we head home.” Michael headed down the hall to the doors that opened to the platforms. Lucifer paused, watching the doors banter back and forth, the light pinks, purples and oranges decorating the sky fading behind stained glass windows.

He fiddled with the helm of his shirt before he followed after Michael.

~~~~

Sitting among the bleachers, some of the exorcists sat together, eating meals while they chatted away about the randomest of things. Yet, one thing was definitely the subject of the topic. The archangels.

None of the exorcists really minded them being there, but some hated the idea. They couldn’t go about their day, doing the things they normally did, knowing that two of God’s favourites were practicing alongside them.

They couldn’t bash the idea of Archangels in battle. They couldn’t hate on demons without thinking of Lucifer’s angry gaze. Who knew archangels were so uptight?

“What do you know about ‘em, Alya?” One of the exorcists asked, before digging into a cheeseburger.

“Um, not much honestly.” She replied, her helmet in her lap as she watched the brothers practice with the dodge machines. “I know Michael’s actually a sweetheart. He’s not that scary, and Lucifer?” She smiled. “He’s so full of life, it’s like he’s a human soul.”

“Woah,” Dina held up her hands. “Calm down there girlie,” She smiled, nudging her. “He’s just an archangel.”

“Yet they hold such annoying power over all of us.” A girl spoke, glaring down at the two brothers. Her white hair cut short, her gold eyes shooting daggers at the brothers.

“Lute,” Dina looked up at her. “You can’t judge ‘em. They’re just born that way, with power.”

“With seniority.” Lute spat, sighing as she stood from her spot. “They think they can just walk in here and take our jobs? The two of you were doing fine in keeping the portal safe. So why do we need these two dumbasses to help?”

The exorcists muttered among each other, looking down at the two brothers.

“Michael!!” Lucifer cheered. “Did you see that?!” Lucifer looked over at his brother. “429 baby!!” Lucifer used his magic, gold fireworks booming in the sky. Michael laughed, clapping to celebrate his brother's victory.

“Did you beat the record??”

“For the second time!” Lucifer said, smiling at his brother. “I told you I could do it!”

“Of course,” Michael rolled his eyes.

Lute watched them, her hands forming into fists as her teeth gritted together.

“Those lowlife sons of a bitches have it coming.”

“Lute, calm down.” Alya frowned. “It’s just a number-”

“A number my ass!! I worked years to perfect my 300 goal and he just comes in here and beats it without even trying?”

“He’s an archangel…” Dina muttered. Lute huffed.

“I hate the Hierarchy.”

#hazbin hotel #radioapple #radioapple au #alastor #lucifer #del's creativity

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quietwingsinthesky · 6 months ago

Note

Idk how easily you could fit this into 200 words so feel free not to fill this prompt but I think a samifer time loop would be fun

i have. a few hundred extra words about it. if that helps. (<- guy who is so so late)

Sam flinches from Jess’s hand as it ghosts across his face. “You’re not her,” he says, exhausted. There’s a part of Lucifer that mourns the moments they could have shared in blissful ignorance and another that’s so proud of his vessel for recognizing him through the face he wears

And then, Sam whispers, “Not again. I can’t do this again.” He rolls away from Lucifer to get his feet under him. His shoulders hang heavy as he sucks in a breath. Lucifer sheds one face for another as easily as breathing. Even in dreams, Nick is ill-fitting. Sam moves out of Lucifer’s reach again before his hand is even halfway to the small of his back.

“I won’t say yes,” Sam says, pacing his way across the room away from Lucifer. Lucifer nods, understanding. He expected to wait, as eager as he was to approach Sam.

“I-”

“You will lie to me,” Sam cuts him off. Lucifer frowns.

“I-” he tries again.

“And you can’t help me. I don’t- It doesn’t matter if you do, but it’s worse when you try.”

“I wasn’t about to offer to help you.” Lucifer is thoroughly confused by now. The way Sam stares at him makes him uneasy. Lucifer is used to being the monster, unknown and dangerous. Sam is watching his every movement like he knows them, waiting for the warning before Lucifer strikes. “But if you need my-” Sam flinches.

“I skipped a few steps. Sorry. Don’t.” He swallows. “Don’t.” He looks like he’s been backed into a corner and beaten. Lucifer knows the feeling too well. He’s only just thrown it off, and he wants Sam to have that freedom.

“Sam, I want to give you-”

“The only promise you can make right now that you’ll be able to keep is that you’ll hurt me.” Lucifer stands. Sam takes a step back, and there’s panic across his face that freezes Lucifer in his tracks.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” he says, very softly, like Sam will spook if he raises his voice a decibel and for all he knows, he will. “Even if I can’t help.” Sam hears the emphasis he places on the ‘if’, but he finds no comfort in it.

“Why are you always kind when it starts?” Sam asks. His voice is too worn for him, too old. “Was it- Was it always a trick? Why do you change?” He comes closer, and Lucifer tamps down on the instinctive reaction to mirror him, meet Sam’s steps with his own to bring them together.

“I don’t understand,” Lucifer says.

“I know.” And then there’s a sharp, horrible laugh that erupts from him. “You know what’s worse? You’re the only one who ever believes me. Dean doesn’t trust me enough right now to take my word for it, and, uh… Whatever keeps me here hides the memories from Cas, so he’s with Dean on me losing my mind.”

“Sam,” Lucifer interrupts. Sam words jump out of him, like he can’t stop himself.

“Sorry.” Lucifer wants to touch him. He’s so close, so temptingly within reach, and Lucifer could comfort him, he’s sure. If Sam would only let him, Lucifer could fix whatever’s wrong. He has no sense for how powerful an archangel is. He’s never known how much Lucifer will bend reality to please Sam. “You’re not going to like any of what I’m about to say,” Sam warns, “but you can’t change it and neither can I. If there was, I would have found it by now.” Lucifer is about to speak, but Sam, again, interrupts. “I do have to say that now, yeah. Trust me. I know you better than you know yourself.”

Lucifer does not stop the skeptical expression crossing his face, no matter how sure of himself Sam sounds.

“In the Cage, you used to relive Michael beating you down into Hell.” The words are shaped to hurt, but the way Sam says them isn’t. It’s become rote, fact alone as though he’s said this same thing to cut through Lucifer before.

“How do you know that?” Too loud. Sam flinches from him. Lucifer softens his voice immediately, steps away from Sam to encourage him to meet his gaze again rather than look at Lucifer’s hands.

“Because you told me.” Sam’s mouth twitches with a long-dead moment of humor. “Because we used to do this with a movie Nick had seen, but you kept getting caught on there being a way to escape.” Sam does, gingerly, meet his eyes again. “That’s what I’ve been doing. Reliving the last- the last decade”—Sam’s voice shakes over that word, and Lucifer knows instantly that he’s lying about something—“of my life, over and over again. Starting here. You always wake me up.”

#i can and will make fics for the prompts that have been starving in my inbox. i will.#maybe they wont be much but i cant let them stay in there forever.#anyway. time loop horror premise thats never explored enough To Me: what’s it like to be the other person in a time loop unaware of it.#ask #prompt fic #fanfiction #spn #samifer #sam winchester #lucifer spn

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mcl4r3n · 2 years ago

Text

dando pre-slash h/c after lando's break up announcement

for @landoisokay <3

Daniel wishes he smoked. He doesn’t, has only ever lit a dart a couple of times when he thought he could fit in with the cool kids better, but he hates how it tastes, and considering how much cardio Michael makes him do, it just would be terrible for him overall.

But sometimes he wishes he did, if only to give him something to do with his hands, if only to give him an excuse to step away from everyone and everything for a few minutes.

Not that that stops him from pulling away, anyway. It’s an exceptionally cold day in Zandvoort and he’s still dealing with the news breaking about his leaving McLaren. He really doesn’t want to talk to anyone.

He finds a spot in the paddock that’s blessedly quiet, which is rare considering that it’s media day, but he really can’t be arsed to care right now. He needs to be alone.

Except when he turns his head to the left, he sees Lando sitting on the ground a bunch of meters away from him, looking as dejected as he feels, which makes no sense. He’d think that Lando would be in the garage or something, probably relishing in the fact that his position as first driver has been solidified.

Daniel wants to ignore him. Sure, they’ve become better friends over the year, but Lando is still his main competitor. He clenches his jaw. He’s better off not paying him any attention. They haven’t even spoken properly since the news was announced.

But then Lando sniffles, peering at his phone, and that’s when Daniel’s phone goes off, the notification that Lando’s posted something new in his stories appearing on his screen. Yes, he does have Lando’s notifications on. Sue him. They’re friends.

So Daniel opens the story up and sees the announcement: I wish her the world and have so much respect for her and all she does as such an amazing and strong women with nothing but kindness.

Ah, Christ.

Pls respect our decision and respect our but more Importantly and especially her privacy moving forward. Thank you for your endless support.

Daniel locks his phone. Now he really can’t ignore Lando.

“Hey,” Daniel calls out, and Lando looks up, then sees Daniel. His expression goes from shocked to shuttered in the span of a few seconds.

“Hey,” Lando replies, and then fiddles with his phone. The endless pings of notifications seem to cut off immediately. He pockets his phone, and looks away.

Daniel pushes himself up, makes the short trek to stand next to Lando.

“Is it okay that I’m here?” Daniel asks.

Lando only sighs, lifts one shoulder up in a shrug, and nods to the spot beside him. He’ll take it.

Daniel plops down next to him with very little grace, and knocks Lando’s shoulder with his.

“I’m sorry,” Daniel says. “I just—yeah. I saw.”

Lando lets out a wet little sob-laugh. “How the hell did you—“

Daniel waves his phone around a little. “Notifs on.”

“Ah,” Lando says. “That’s—yeah. Didn’t think you would.”

They sit in silence for a long while because Daniel hasn’t ever been great at comforting people after break ups, especially when he doesn’t know the details in the first place. He just knows that Luisa made Lando happy, and had a chance to meet her a couple of times.

“D’you—I dunno, d’you wanna talk about it?”

Lando sighs again. “I don’t wanna—you have enough on your plate. It’s fine. You don’t have to like—pretend or whatever.”

Daniel nods, figures it’s fair that Lando would think this was pity.

“To be honest mate, I feel like listening to your shit would give me a chance to stop thinking about my shit, so I’m actually being selfish in asking. But it’s cool too if you’d rather not.”

Lando’s mouth curls up in a wry little smile.

“I’m gonna—miss this,” Lando says quietly.

“Huh?”

“This whole—you don’t bullshit me,” Lando replies. “Everyone else has been just like—It’s okay, she didn’t deserve you, you didn’t deserve her, all that crap. You’re just. . . you just wanna know. I appreciate that, I guess.”

Daniel huffs an exhale through his nose. “That’s me, Mr. I’m Your Therapist For The Next Five Minutes.”

Lando nods again. He wrings his fingers into a tangle. Daniel sees three spots of raw skin, obviously from where Lando’s bitten through the hangnails.

“I dunno mate, I thought we were good, but I guess I’m a shit boyfriend or whatever.”

“This sport eats you alive,” Daniel replies. “It’s hard to like—“ he gestures with his hands. “Juggle everything.”

“I thought it was going okay,” Lando says. “We were both really busy, and I wasn’t—like, I don’t know. Stupid. Like, stupid to get jealous over shit. Stupid to be angry about her not being able to fly out. Stupid to get mad at her for being pissed that I wasn’t giving her enough attention.”

Daniel is painfully aware of how difficult it actually is trying to maintain a relationship while also just fucking—trying to drive well weekend after weekend.

“Some people are built for it, and some aren’t, mate, that’s just how it goes.”

“Yeah,” Lando says. He brings his thumb to his mouth again, dry skin between his teeth, and despite Daniel having the same problem, he still reaches out and takes Lando’s hand and rests it back on Lando’s thigh.

“Your hands are fucking filthy,” Daniel says. Lando snorts under his breath. His hand is still firm on Lando’s.

“You’re one to talk,” Lando replies. He uses his other hand to tap on Daniel’s short-as-fuck nails.

“Well, I’m jobless next year, so I think I get a pass,” Daniel says, nudging him with his shoulder.

Lando sobers up real quick after that. Crap.

“I’m sorry—about that—“

“Nah, that’s—it’s not on you,” Daniel waves off. “It’s—eh. Just. It’s fine.”

Lando sighs, moves his hand away in order to rest his weight on both hands behind him. He closes his eyes and tilts his chin up to the sky. Somewhere, a breeze blows through.

“The fucking pair of us, eh,” Lando says.

“Yeah.”

“I didn’t—I don’t want this, you know,” Lando says softly. Daniel looks up to see Lando looking at him, piercing blue-green, wide and shining and sincere. “I—we weren’t great, and you dealt with a lot this year especially, but I thought—I thought you’d have more time. To fix it.”

Daniel tilts his chin to his chest, the words washing over him.

“We both lost something thinking we still had time to fix shit,” Daniel replies. “Never know if that’s true or if these things are just meant to happen.”

“No way to know,” Lando says.

“Did you know? That the breakup was coming?” Daniel asks. God, he really wishes he had a cigarette or a vape or something to like—just have something to do. Quell the buzz of anxiety that’s coursing through him.

Lando pulls his lower lip between his teeth, and starts shaking his head, before it turns into a reluctant nod.

“I gave her the option,” Lando says. “We had a really bad fight and like, we’ve been on the rocks for months now, and we didn’t talk for a while, and I just—I didn’t wanna keep making things harder for us both. So yeah I just—fucking—I asked her if she wanted out and she said yeah. So. Yeah. I didn’t fight it. And now we’re—We’re here.”

“I’m sorry, mate,” Daniel says. “That blows.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry too, about—everything, and about you,” Lando replies.

It’s not quite a heart-to-heart, because how much can they actually talk about their respective hurts stone-cold sober while they’re set to face the fucking media for this weekend’s race.

But Daniel manages to bring his hand to the back of Lando’s neck and squeeze, and he feels Lando’s tension leave momentarily.

“It’s gonna be okay, yeah?” Daniel says, willing himself to believe his own words. Neither of them know what the landscape of their tomorrows will look like. He doesn’t know how many fake smiles he has left in him. He doesn’t know where he’ll be next year. Lando doesn’t know how he’s going to move on.

But at least they have this moment to themselves where they’re just mates sitting next to each other, commiserating their own respective heartaches.

“Yeah, Danny, it will be, you and me both,” Lando says. He manages a small smile, and it actually reaches his eyes. Daniel hopes that his own looks the same. Lando claps him on the knee.

“Good talk, okay, sweet,” Daniel says, laughing a little. Lando rolls his eyes, rubs the heel of his hand to his nose. There’s a thin sheen of snot on Lando’s upper lip now from it, but Daniel figures he doesn’t need to point it out.

They both get up, and Daniel’s ready to make his retreat into hospitality before he feels arms envelop him, arms slung around his neck. His own arms go around Lando immediately, automatic, and Daniel closes his eyes to relish in the solidity of Lando, the firmness of his body, the reality that he’s real and Daniel is real, and for the first time in three weeks, Daniel feels like he belongs in his skin again.

“Thanks, DR,” Lando says, muffled. “I—yeah. Thank you.”

Daniel squeezes him harder, and he doesn’t even care if they get papped hugging. It’s been a hell of a time. Shit’s hard. This fucking sport is hard. Dealing with a break up is hard. It’s nice to know that in all of that, he still has this real thing, too. Sure. They’re friends. He isn’t losing Lando by leaving McLaren. This feels like a promise.

“Anytime, Norris Lando,” Daniel replies with one last squeeze. “Any fuckin’ time, yeah.”

They pull apart, and Lando’s big hands squeeze his traps one last time before he visibly shakes himself out of it.

“Christ, let’s get media over and done with,” Lando says.

“Time to face those cunts,” Daniel replies. They walk back into hospitality together, closer than they normally would, elbows brushing and shoulders bumping.

#thet're not super great at talking but like this is as deep as you can get for these two in this universe ig!!#dando #dr3 #ln4

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transmascxielian · 1 year ago

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song analysis of michael caine by madness in relation to siffrin!!

[plain text of title: song analysis of michael caine by madness in relation to siffrin!!]

having recently gotten into ISAT and spent considerable time with my qpp discussing songs that fit siffrin, I've come to the conclusion that it is SUCH a sif song. PLEASE hear me out on this (ive no idea if theres an overlap between isat fans and random british ska band fans but if there is then hi!)

putting this under a read more both because its gonna be long and contain spoilers for pretty much the whole deal with ISAT. also apologies if I fail to pick up my autocorrect making me type 'saffron'

okay so. chronologically through the song theres just a Lot that makes me think of him. this may entirely be a reach but im too big a fan of this song to mind :]

'he's walking where I'm afraid I don't know/I see the firemen jumping from the windows/there's panic and I hear somebody scream'-- immediately the sense of disorientation and confusion that goes throughout both the song and siffrin. also the lack of subjects in the last line (who's panicking/screaming?) further gives this sort of like. unanswered questions that I think really fits sif and their whole. deal

'he picks up useless paper and puts it in my pocket'-- this is sif in the sense of how throughout the loops they become far more disillusioned with how much anything really matters. it all starts to pale in comparison to escaping the loop, and this especially resonates with the complete tunnel vision in the final loop. ALSO the inconsistencies in the entire song between first and third person remind me of the recurring ideas of like. identity and losing touch with yourself throughout the game. idk. im not sure if that's the case with the actual meaning of the song but yknow

'he can't remember tell me what's his name'-- themes of identity and memory and losing yourself. yeah.

AND THE CHORUS ITSELF IDK. 'and all I wanted was a word or photograph to keep at home'-- obviously the photograph thing but that's very literal, plus the idea of 'home' both in the song and in ISAT. also the 'all I wanted' alluding to regretting whatever caused the loop? which obviously creates the sense of his wish only being to have some stability and not. Yknow. a massive time loop. but hey ho

'the sun is laughing, it's another broken morning'-- loop. sun/star comparisons to be drawn, and the connotations of 'broken morning' in the context of being forced back to the same morning (or should I say, afternoon? [: ) repeatedly. also the connotations of 'another' as something trapping you/repeating ad infinitum AGH its so siffrin

'I see a shadow and call out to try and warn him, he didn't seem to hear just turned away'-- this reminds me of the whole like. futility of sif not being able to meaningfully help the others and just,,,,, agh,,,

'he had to sacrifice his pride, yes, throw it all away'-- further themes of a loss of an integral part of identity. I see this through the lens of siffrin's attempts to leave the loop becoming more and more desperate to the point of willing to compromise anything (of himself) for escape. fun!!

'his days are numbered, he walks round and round in circles'-- Oh You Know. repetition and never finding escape. siffrin..... aside from the whole time loop deal this line is fun to me in this interpretation of 'his days are numbered' but as the different iterations of the loop growing in frequency as opposed to the traditional use of 'days being numbered'. idk I just love flipping idioms

'there is no place he can ever call his own'-- again the themes of identity and home (or lack thereof). sif having nowhere to return to is suchhh an inciting theme of the whole game and this just completely summarises that. I also especially note the 'very' and how it finalises the whole thing; his country is gone, his memories are gone, and unless Something stops it, his family will be gone as well. I need to lie down.

'staring out the window there's nothing he can do now/all he wanted was to remain sane/he can't remember his own name'-- final verse before the last choruses and dear lord. siffrin. again with just the whole,,, memory and desperation and resignation. one very very reaching bit of analysis here is the shift in pronouns/person between the 'I can't remember tell me what's his name' and 'he can't remember his own name'; the forgetting of the name switches from an external thing that almost doesn't hold much weight to something symbolising a complete loss in self. if I'm then applying this to sif's character arc, I think this really just shows how their relationship with memory becomes more fraught and more of a source of stress throughout the game.

SO!!! I absolutely adore both in stars and time and this song, and just think it fits him so well. do you see my vision

#isat #in stars and time #isat siffrin #madness #this was so rambling but I dont even mind I love overanalysing music so much #I heart siffrin <333 #music #hehehe if anyone sees what im seeing here PLEASE talk to me about it

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irish-urn · 9 months ago

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Annnnnd I was asked for a second snippet. I don't have a lot of this one written yet, although I do have everything outlined. It'll get written!! Eventually!

From "I Must-ache You to Stop" from The Sasquatch Saga:

“What’s up with you?” Derek asks, all deep-frown.

“What’s up with your face?” Casey snaps back; and then immediately cringes.

He rears back, his expression like she just shouted an accusation at him. “What? What’s wrong with my face?” He narrows his eyes suddenly at her. “Why are you looking at my face?”

Her face feels hot and she sets her shoulders, scowling. “Because you’re growing a caterpillar on it, that’s why!”

He looks very confused for another three seconds before his face clears up. “Oh, you mean…” And he touches that area between his nose and lip, fingers brushing the hair there.

“Yes!” She feels almost vindicated, because by him touching it means that she didn’t just imagine it growing there. “That.”

He blinks once and then rolls his shoulders back and leans back in his chair, suddenly all ‘cool guy’ slouch. She narrows her eyes at him, because that attitude drives her up the wall. “‘That’ is called a mustache,” he says with a slight smirk.

Her scowl deepens. “I’m pretty sure mustaches are supposed to be thicker than…” and she waves a hand in the general direction of his stupid, awful face. “Whatever that is.”

His own eyes narrow and his shoulders go a little tight: bruised and annoyed. Good. “They don’t grow over-fucking-night,” he bites out. “It takes time—”

“Why are you growing one?” she demands, leaning forward. She stabs her notebook with her finger because he’s just enough out of reach that she can’t hit him without causing a scene. “Don’t you have any… sense?!”

His frown shifts, morphing from anger to confusion. “It’s just a mustache,” he says, sounding like he thinks she’s insane. “Men grow them all the time.”

She sniffs. “Yeah, men.” That gets her another full scowl, which makes the animal in her blood purr with satisfaction.

He inhales very slowly, shoulders moving with the breath. “It’s for Mo-vember,” he says, his voice as tight as Casey’s nerves.

[Note from me: Derek's mustache is inspired by pictures from Michael Seater's instagram of his 'stache.

#beautiful-hallucination #urn writes #life with derek #dasey

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shoggoth-the-bitch · 1 year ago

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Opening with Nikola immediately, I see. Why do this? Oh god.

"Needs to be near us." Breekon and Hope need the coffin near? That's interesting. Also worrying that the coffin is there at all.

Nikola makes me uncomfortable. I kinda love them... They've said "Can I call you Elias?" twice now. I'm not convinced they entirely know what's going on.

Did Jon just try to say "Fuck you?" I'm smiling way too much from this episode already.

Oh god, are they gonna- oh god, they are gonna skin him.

"Can I call you Elias?" Number three.

"Do you have a preferred brand of lotion." Oh my god. This should not be making me laugh so much.

Wait, is this the episode? It is! This where the animatic came from that got me into the show to begin with! Yes!

This one!

Jon, why do you sound more annoyed then you do afraid of this man saying he's gonna kill you? I guess when so many people are saying the exact same threat, it stops being scary after a while.

Okay, Michael or I suppose the Spiral is lies and deception. He has nothing to do with the Unknowing but he wants it to fail. Jon, fuck why he's here, ask what the Unknowing is. He doesn't want the Circus or the Archive to win?

Okay, I think I get it.

Theory before it's all said: Michael was Gertrude's assistant, he some how got taken by the Spiral, and the part of him that is still Michael resents the Archive he what happened to him. The Spiral doesn't want to be Michael anymore because it has made it's nature complicated but I suspect it can't get rid of him, for whatever reason. Okay, starting the video again.

Sure, Michael, give up a statement. I'm sure this will be very coherent and not at all filled with me going "WTF?!" constantly.

Michael Shelly... Oh, Michael here implying Gertrude is deceptive, that's interesting... what? She FEED him to the Spiral? Oh... Michael really cared about Gertrude and she used him for this.

"Is a thing evil when it simply obeys it's own nature?" That is an interesting question. A polar bear isn't evil just because it willing to hunt humans, it's just hungry. And near as I can tell, the Spiral and all these other entities, they also are just hungry in their own ways. So, maybe they aren't evil. Though that certainly doesn't make them good.

"He believed everything she told him..." Alright, me and Gertrude aren't friends anymore. But what is the Becoming, exactly?

"Okay." Jon is just giving up? I mean, I know he lives because there's like 200 episodes but...

What do you mean "It's loc-

Uh... is Michael dead? Oh, hi Helen... Yeah, I guess Michael is dead? If it could kill Michael whenever it wanted, why didn't it before? Or did it need someone to replace him? Which I guess it what Helen is for?

You're options are the door or being skinned, my guy. Make good choices.

Wait, is the Spiral cool? It's just... taking Jon home? That's pretty chill of it, given the Archive's history with it but alright.

Okay, hold up. It's entirely possibly I'm reading this all wrong but were these entities at some point just kinda vibing and Gertrude decided they all needed to be destroyed? Because that's what it sounds like to me. Like, I don't know what the Becoming is yet but it sounds like the Spiral was attempting to transition from being a thing that could never be into something that was and perhaps could even be defined. At it's very core, it sounds like these things simply wish to exist but they're so volatile that it's difficult to do so. Gertrude even wanted to destroy the Archive, the focal point of the Eye. Even though, as far as I can tell, it's only interest is to collect knowledge.

So did she just decide to go rogue and destroy all these monsters and that's why they're mobilizing like they are?

#the magnus archives #tma #live blogging #long post #episode 101

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the-rewatch-rewind · 1 year ago

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My final guest episode, with not one but two very special guests!

Transcript below the break

Jane

Hello and welcome back to The Rewatch Rewind! My name is Jane and this is the podcast where I count down my top 40 most frequently rewatched movies in a 20-year period. Today I will be discussing number 7 on my list: Disney’s 2001 comedy The Princess Diaries, directed by Garry Marshall, written by Gina Wendkos based on a book by Meg Cabot, and starring Anne Hathaway and Julie Andrews.

Mia Thermopolis (Anne Hathaway) is a shy and unpopular 15-year-old just trying to survive high school, when the grandmother she’s never met, Clarisse Renaldi (Julie Andrews), shows up and reveals that she is the queen of a small European country called Genovia. Since Mia’s father, whom she also never met, has recently died and had no other children, Mia is now first in line for the throne. While she’s still deciding whether to accept this job, Mia receives princess lessons and a makeover, and has to deal with how these changes affect her relationships, especially with her best friend Lilly Moscovitz (Heather Matarazzo) and Lilly’s brother Michael (Robert Schwartzman).

This movie is so fun and iconic that I felt like I needed two special guests to talk about it with me, so in a few moments I will be joined by my sister Rosemary, whom you may remember from the Newsies episode, and my friend Sophie, whom you may remember from the Enchanted episode. But first, the breakdown of when I watched this movie after I started keeping track: three times in 2003, three times in 2004, five times in 2005, twice in 2006, twice in 2007, twice in 2008, once in 2009, once in 2010, once in 2012, twice in 2013, once in 2015, once in each year from 2017 through 2020, twice in 2021, and once in 2022. Yes, I watched this movie 30 times in 20 years, and I would do it again. So let’s talk about it!

Hello, Sophie and Rosemary.

Sophie

Hi!

Rosemary

Hello.

Jane

Welcome back to both of you.

Sophie

Thank you. Happy to be back.

Rosemary

Thanks for having me back.

Jane

I'm so glad to have you both here, even though you've never met each other before, but I know that you both love this movie, as do I. So I'm very excited to talk about Princess Diaries. I think we can start with how we got introduced to this movie, if we remember. I know that Rosemary saw it in theaters and I did not.

Sophie

That's too bad. Rosemary, you want to go first?

Rosemary

Sure! Um, I don't remember exactly all of the circumstances. I do remember going to see it in theaters with my mom and it was really good. We really enjoyed it. And we're like, Jane will love this, and really liked the line, “Goodbye trolley people!” That really tickled us. And then I do remember around the same time, the local like, bookstore and newspaper, I think, put on this contest where someone could, like, write an essay about why they should be like princess for the day or something. And one of my best friends at the time was like the winner of it.

Sophie

Wow.

Rosemary

So that was when I like, realized that, oh, these are actually books too, and then got really into the books around the same time as well.

Sophie

That's so cool.

Rosemary

So those are my like, early memories of Princess Diaries.

Sophie

Yeah, I actually can't remember if I got into the books or the movie first. Probably the movie, but I would say my trajectory was really similar. Like if I saw the movie first, then I read the books immediately after. And I probably saw like a trailer for the movie on Disney Channel or whatever because I… I do distinctly remember, like they did this thing where like they would if if the movie or show or whatever had a song, they would do, like a music video of whatever the big song was in the movie, and show that as like a commercial for whatever it was. And then in this case, because they're, I mean, there was Miracles Happen and they probably did a music video of that. But they also did, they would show like a scene from whatever it was like, sneak peek into our latest whatever. And so they did the the tea scene at the consulate where the “Gosh, Gee whiz, golly-wolly” exchange happens. And so of course, like me and all my other little 6-year-old friends were saying “shut up” to each other and thought that was the peak of hilarity, which I'm sure our parents were thrilled with. So that was, that was definitely a big, a big scene for us.

Rosemary

And then I also remember like, early on, like shortly after it came out on VHS or whatever, for Jane's birthday, her like birthday party was like… I remember our family, but I don't know who else was there, and we all just, like, gathered in the living room on the pull out couch with the like, little like 12 inch VHS player. And we all like gathered around it and watched Princess Diaries.

Sophie

That's so fun.

Rosemary

And that was like your 12th birthday party or something.

Jane

Yeah. Yeah. No, I I was trying to- cause I definitely remember you and mom going to see it and and coming back and being like, “There was this really funny ‘goodbye trolley people’ scene!” And I was like, what does that even mean? [laughs] But I don't remember like I assumed that I'd seen it before that birthday party, because otherwise why would I have asked to watch it for my birthday?

Sophie

Yeah.

Jane

I didn't see it in theaters, but maybe we had rented it or something before that. But I definitely remember that because I we watched it for my birthday party and then since we had rented it, we had it for a few more days and I watched it like multiple times all of the days that we had it because it was also like my birthday was during spring break. And that was only like a couple of months after our aunt died. So it was like a weird time and I was like, kind of sad during that time. But like that week, I just remember like, watching this movie over and over and just being like, “I love this so much! This is the thing that makes me happy!” But I wasn't keeping track of movies yet because that was 2002 and so I'm like, OK, well, if I if I'd started a year earlier, then this movie would have so many more watches.

Sophie

Yeah.

Jane

Because as it is, I've watched it 30 times in in the 20 years that I counted. But I don't remember how many times I had watched it before, but I definitely was just, like, so in love with it. I'm not exactly sure what it was about this movie that I was so excited about when I first started watching it.

Rosemary

Well, it's very… it's a very comforting movie.

Sophie

Mm-hmm.

Jane

Yeah.

Rosemary

Like, it feels very like warm and like a hug.

Sophie

Yeah. I do… like, I always worry with the movies that I feel that way about. Like, is it nostalgia or is it really a good movie? I think this one airs on the side of it's really a just a good movie.

Jane

Yeah, yeah, definitely. I I would agree. I just I every time I watch it, I'm just like, this is just so nice.

Sophie

Yeah.

Jane

It's, it there's, I mean there's conflict and there's like a few uncomfortable moments. But overall it's just like a nice story.

Sophie

Yeah.

Rosemary

And it has a good it's a good tone between silly, goofy and also like very sweet and sincere, and like it never feels like overreaching in the, like emotional moments that it hits.

Sophie

Yeah.

Rosemary

Like it all feels very like genuine and earned and like realistic.

Sophie

Yeah, for like for finding out that you're a Princess when you're 15. It's a really realistic movie.

Rosemary

Well, yes. Is it based on a true story?

Sophie

But no but I get what you're saying. Like the premise is absurd and at the same time it's very grounded in reality. And I I appreciate that, like, the characters seem to be genuine, like good hearted people. I love that people apologize when they do the wrong thing. Like, and Jane and I were talking before we started recording about the some of the changes between the book and the movie. And I think making Clarisse a nice person is one of the things that this movie does really well. Because book Clarisse would never have apologized to Mia for making her feel bad or, like, not listening to her. And then you get Julie Andrews, who's like, “I'm really sorry that I judged before I, you know, heard your side of the story.”

Jane

One of my favorite stories about this movie coming to be is that when they were talking to Meg Cabot about how they were going to adapt it, somebody was telling her, like, “We're thinking about, like, killing off the dad and expanding the grandmother’s role.” Because because the dad is alive in the books. And like, “We have someone, like a really big star in mind to play the grandmother and we think like, we should expand her role and get rid of the dad.” And Meg Cabot was like, “Well, who… who you were thinking?” and they said “Julie Andrews,” and she immediately went, “Kill the dad.”

[all laugh]

Rosemary

Yeah.

Jane

And Julie Andrews… this was an interesting point in her career because she had recently undergone surgery that caused her to lose a lot of her singing voice. Like that was in the mid 90s. And so she was kind of. In retirement to a certain degree, like she wasn't really sure what the rest of her career might look like. And this was also her first Disney movie since Mary Poppins.

Sophie

Wow.

Jane

And it's just so cool to see her sort of mentoring Anne Hathaway, who is making her feature film debut in a big Disney movie, which is exactly what Julie Andrews had done with Mary Poppins. And first of all, just… hard to believe that this is Anne Hathaway's first movie because she's so… she carries the movie so well, like I do think that's a big part of why you get that grounded feel is like she brings such a like realistic sense to the role of Mia. And I just think she was perfectly cast. And I also just think it's so fun that she's kind of following in the footsteps of Julie Andrews. I mean, obviously her career has looked very different overall, but it's kind of fun that they both have the same introduction to movies.

Sophie

Yeah.

Rosemary

That is really interesting that Julie Andrews didn't do more Disney movies after Mary Poppins.

Jane

Yeah, right? Cause you think, she's such a Disney icon.

Rosemary

Yeah, you would think that like they would be really fighting for her to have roles and stuff.

Sophie

Keep her in. Keep her in the family, in the fold.

Jane

Yeah, that was that was something that I hadn't, I wasn't really aware of until relatively recently. I was looking at more facts about this movie, and I was like, wait really? It's just very interesting. I'm not really sure how that conversation went, of like convincing her to do this movie if she was, like, really excited about it, or if she needed some persuasion. But I'm really glad she did because like, I'm sure I had seen Mary Poppins and Sound of Music multiple times before Princess Diaries came out. But, like, that's really what made me become a Julie Andrews fan is seeing her just totally kill it in this role.

Sophie

Yeah, I think Mary Poppins probably was my first, but this is the first that I like, really remember of her.

Jane

Yeah. So the two of them, I mean, everybody in this movie is great, but I love the dynamic between the two of them and like the whole scene when they're like at the arcade together is really nice, and and just like seeing their characters relationship transformed throughout the movie is great. And I… just thinking about like, yes, this is a romantic story and like there's some focus on her and Michael, but there's so many other relationships that are really important and really focused on in this movie and like, Mia and her grandmother, Mia and her mother, Mia and Lilly. Like there's friendships and family relationships, and it's like, and there's a romance, too. But it's kind of like, that's not really what the majority of the movie is focused on, which I think has always resonated with me.

Sophie

Yeah, I would definitely agree that although the Josh versus Michael conflict is a really big one, it is a romantic conflict and yet it's not like… it's not romantic. It's just, like, kind of an allegory for Mia trying to, in much the same way that to be a Princess or not to be a Princess is like her growing up and developing. Like maybe the things that I thought I wanted aren't the things that are going to make me the happiest. And I do sort of like in the book that she's always had this kind of pining crush for Michael, I think that's very sweet, but it's nice that Josh serves as like a, this, you know, this is what I've thought I've been working towards this whole time and then it turns out it actually is really horrible and I don't like it. And I would rather do something else. I think it serves the same sort of purpose that she's like, growing up and becoming more like sure of herself and confident.

Rosemary

Yeah, I think things that I've always liked about the movie, like the romantic teen sort of aspects of it, is that it feels more realistic to what people actually go through in their high school years than a lot of teen movies. Where they're like, “Oh, this is my true love. I'm going to marry them. I'm gonna…” you know, whereas like Mia has this crush on this guy and like, she gets all giggly and flustered when she's around him and she's not smooth and neither really is he. But, you know…

Jane

He thinks he is, though.

Rosemary

He thinks he is and and I feel like that's very like, sweetly portrayed. And like a very innocent like teen romance feel. But I think a lot of teen movies, they rush into being way too adult and like heavy feeling, but I've always, I've always really liked that Mia doesn't… she doesn't... Josh doesn't notice her because really, any other reason other than because she's a Princess. She doesn't have smooth pick-up lines. She's not like, cool and confident. There's not really any focus on, “Oh she's like, really sexy. So he’s, of course he notices her.” It's really just because he wants to be… have some fame. And then like this guy that's like her best friend's brother, like, I feel like that's stuff that happens to people, you know? It's like you're around these people for your whole growing up years and you're like, “Well, I have feelings. I don't know what these are. But maybe I'm in love with you. But maybe I just…” you know, trying to figure things out. And like she wants to get her first kiss. And it just feels so sweet and innocent in a way that I think a lot of teen movies really miss that point and are really like thrown into like much bigger, like, “I'm desperately in love with you” or “I want to sleep with you” or things like that. And this movie really like, keeps it, like at least more of what my experience as a teenager was where it was like, “Oh, I have a crush on this person. I'm awkward, and then we move on or we hope they notice us. But then when they do, I don't know what to do and…” So that aspect of, it does have that romantic story, but it definitely feels like, yes, these are teenagers who are, like, feeling things for the first time. And what does that mean, and what does that look like?

Sophie

Right. It's very sweet and innocent. She's like, very concerned with if her foot's gonna pop or not. Like she's not…. there's no like, you were saying, it's not like desperate. She's not like, this is, you know, “My my parents say I can't be with this person. And so therefore I have to have them, and we have to run off and get married and then he's going to turn me into a vampire” or whatever. And she wants to be kissed and she wants to have this little like old movie moment. And then she does get that and it's… But it's… with Michael it also is a little bit of maturity. Like, “I don't like him because he's, you know, cute or popular or he has a boat or whatever” it's, you know, “You… you noticed me. You saw the real me and you like me anyway.”

Rosemary

“You saw me when I was invisible.”

Sophie

Tears. And then all the lights turn on and the fountains come on and we’re in the garden with the roses and yeah, so.

Jane

Yeah, that's it's interesting because so much of the movie feels so like relatively realistic given the premise. And then that moment, it does kind of seem a little bit fairy tale-ish. But it's also explained because multiple times throughout the movie, The Queen is talking about how she needs the gardens to be fancier.

Sophie

“Make me an Eden.”

Jane

Yeah, exactly. So they're like working on the gardens the whole time. And so like that kind of that pays off in that moment, too. And it's like, it's not just this came out of nowhere. It's like, this is what the garden needed to be beautiful for!

Rosemary

And I love that we keep going back to, “Yeah, this movie is realistic. The story is realistic” because, OK, first of all, she finds out she's a Princess for the first time when she's 15. And Josh, who's, like a 15/16 year old, has a boating license? And his own boat?

Sophie

[laughing] Yeah.

Rosemary

But otherwise it's it's realistic.

Sophie

They go to this high school that can rent out an entire private beach with a DJ and catering. What even is this party? They’re… Josh is on his boat. The the girls are doing their like studio sound system concert. There's like random food with whole watermelons, for some reason. They do like a close up shot on this kids plate, and he's got half a watermelon filled with grapes like, what are you doing? Who provided this? Who is this for?

Jane

And in a deleted scene they did a banana dance.

Sophie

Right. Yeah.

Jane

But I mean, I guess part of it is explained like, that it is a really fancy rich school because, like, it seems like her royal family members were paying for it, which she seemed to be somewhat unaware of.

Sophie

In lieu of having a relationship, I'll just like send my child to private school and buy a Faberge carousel for her bedroom.

Jane

Yeah, because of course.

Sophie

I did really want that though as a child. The little music box thing. And the diary that opens with the locket. That was the coolest.

Jane

That is really cool. I also think it's funny though, because like the books like the whole conceit of the books is that they are her Diaries, like she's writing them, and in the movie she doesn't even get the diary until the end.

Sophie

Yeah.

Rosemary

Well, you know, but OK, so books that are turned into movies. Generally, I'm like, the book is better. Why do we even have the movie? The movie tried, but it didn't do anything. And I feel very differently about this. I…love Princess Diaries as a movie and I love the book series and they are two very different things.

Sophie

Completely separate entities.

Rosemary

Yeah. And also all I want in the world is like a miniseries that takes place in the early 2000s in New York, where the books take place and shows these teenagers in the early 2000s, actually doing what the books are and like, have it be really good. And I would pay a lot of money to see that. So whatever major streaming service is listening to this, I would love that and to have actually have the main grandma and the dad who's alive and justice for Tina Hakim Baba.

Sophie

God bless!

Rosemary

Because we love her and she needs her moment.

Sophie

She sure does.

Rosemary

So I would love that.

Sophie

Yeah. Well, I I volunteer to to write it. I I I will be in the writers’ room once the strike is over, but with the caveat that it can't be gritty. Like they can't, it can't be dark. There can't be, like, you know, we're all really depressed and sneaking around and like, it has to be as like sweet, but a little more aged up than what the movie was.

Rosemary

Yes.

Jane

Yeah, cause I do definitely feel like the movie is for a younger audience than the books.

Rosemary

Mm-hmm.

Sophie

Yeah, which is weird because I'm sure that I started reading them when I was like 7 years old and she's talking about, like, getting her period at the Moscovitz's house and like wanting to make out with someone at Lilly's bat mitzvah. And I was like, what is what is this?

Rosemary

And then there's that, like, weird stalker man that like is stalking Lilly and wants to see her feet, and…

Sophie

Yeah.

Rosemary

But like, I loved that series so much. Reading those books like, really got me into, like, YA realistic fiction? Realistic. We're going with that again.

[Jane and Sophie laugh]

Rosemary

But like I was obsessed with, like, YA books all through, like middle and high school. And I think it really did start with Princess Diaries. And I was always, like, so excited when a new one came out and would like just devour it. Like even like last year when the…or earlier this year? I don't know. When Quarantine Princess came out, I was like, We have a new one. We still need more of this story.

Jane

How many books are there now? I mean, I guess there's some that aren't, like technically part of that series and…

Rosemary

Yeah. So there's ten that encapsulate her, like high school years, and then there's like a few extra ones that go in there that are like little short ones. And then there's the one I think it's like her wedding, maybe? Yes, that one came out, I think maybe in, like, 2015-ish. And then there's Quarantine Princess, which came out like in blog format in 2020 and then got like compiled and more things added to it and came out like within the last year. So Mia is still around. She survived COVID.

Jane

And there's the spin off ones about her half-sister, right?

Rosemary

Yes. Yeah. So then… I think around the same time that that the one that came out in 2015 that I can't remember the name at this moment, Meg Cabot also made like a middle grade series that there's a younger half-sister that came into the picture. And so she has her diaries as well. So there's like, supplemental content there. And I I read the first one. And it was very sweet and good, but I don't think I read any of the other ones.

Sophie

I just found out about that. So that's all new to me, but I did... I did love the little like Princess Diaries and a half, much like The Lion King 1 1/2 I think is the best Lion King. I think some of the Princess Diaries and 1/2 are my favorites. I think the only one that I actually had was the one where she and Michael do Habitat for Humanity together.

Rosemary

Yeah, I was gonna say, I was like, isn't there one where they, like, build houses together or something?

Sophie

Yeah.

Rosemary

Yes. And then there's like a Christmas one too, I think.

Sophie

OK. And then that's probably why I didn't have that one.

Jane

Being Jewish.

Sophie

Yeah because they needed like Lilly’s Hanukkah or whatever. And then I also had, I don't know if you know about these, there's one like companion book written I think by Clarisse. And then there's one written by Paolo and they're like… It's essentially The Care and Keeping of You, but the care and keeping of a princess?

Rosemary

Mm-hmm.

Sophie

And so Clarisse's one is like etiquette. All these etiquette rules for like dining at a fancy party. And then Paolo’s is like, how to, you know, do hair and makeup and stuff. And I love those.

Rosemary

Yeah, I remember reading those too. Is that when they talk about the cousin Sebastiano that like, doesn't finish his words and then he's like, “Please pass the butt.”

Sophie

[laughing] Probably.

Jane

I remember that character.

Sophie

Don't be like him and say “Pass the butt” at dinner, especially when meeting with heads of state.

Rosemary

So there's a lot of Princess Diaries content is what… what we can sum up this conversation with.

Jane

Definitely.

Rosemary

And all of it is good.

Sophie

Yeah.

Jane

I feel like, I mean, I know you were, like, way more into the books than I was.

Rosemary

Mm-hmm.

Jane

But I I feel like we read some of them together.

Rosemary

I’m sure we did.

Jane

Like you'd already read them. But like, we used to read stuff out loud to each other a lot. So I think that that was one of the things, at least… cause I remember really liking the third book, and now I'm like, I have no idea what even happens in the third book.

Rosemary

The third book is the best. It’s really good.

Sophie

If that's the one with the non-denominational winter formal, that's I totally agree.

Rosemary

And that's when Michael makes a computer program to tell her that he loves her.

Jane

Oh yeah, okay.

Rosemary

I would read that little section like over and over and over again, and I would be like, if only someone would love me enough to make a computer program that says-

Sophie

Aww, to code for you.

Rosemary

Yeah, and it says, like, “I love Princess Mia.” And then she, like, gets up and runs away because she's like, all embarrassed. And then she's like, later they talk and she's like, “I thought you were making fun of me,” and he's like, “Never.”

Sophie

Aww, what a sweetie. I I love Michael.

Rosemary

I love Michael too.

Sophie

I think casting for him was great. He's so freaking weird in the movie and I love it in the scene where he's he's like still kind of mad at Mia and he comes over to the house. And she, like, gives him the last check for the car. He puts in it between his teeth as he walks out of the door.

Jane

Yeah, for no reason.

Sophie

He has nothing in his hands. What is wrong with him? I love him.

Rosemary

But he's also really weird in the books too.

Jane

Yeah, yeah, it worked.

Rosemary

“He fixes cars, he plays guitar,”

Rosemary and Sophie

“and he can sing. He is so hot.”

Jane

“He is wicked sweet.” I think the person who said “he is wicked sweet” is the infamous cousin Meredith, who was Anne Hathaway's like… I don't know if she was technically her guardian. She was only a few years older than her. But like, I think that Anne Hathaway was still 17 when they started filming. But she was… she turned 18 during filming and that was… helpful to the filmmakers, because then she could work longer. But she was such a baby!

Sophie

I know. Oh, she's so cute.

Rosemary

No, I've always loved Michael. I think he's a great character. He's a great person. He invented a robotic surgical arm in the books that, like, does heart surgery.

Sophie

Yeah, he's- I mean, he was… He's great. I… like I also I really get it as like someone who had – had? has - an older brother who, like all my friends were like, “Wow your brother's actually kind of hot.” And I'm over here, like Lilly, being like, what are you talking about? Are you blind? Because I live with the guy. But yeah, I definitely related to their to their family, as like neurotic Jews, just hanging out.

Jane

I think it's really funny how, like the moment at when they're like about to dance and at the ball at the end and and Mia doesn't know if Michael's going to show up or not and then he comes in. He like comes through the crowd and he passes Lilly and he like tickles her or something. It's like they have a weird little sibling moment there before he goes to dance with Mia and it's just like-

Rosemary

I knew you were gonna bring that up because I think of it every time, Jane’s just like, “It's so weird when he tickles her stomach!”

Jane

It is weird, but it's it's like, a good kind of weird. Of like like I think that too often, again going back to the whole like, romance versus other relationships thing. I think that that too often in romantic stories, it's like, they kind of forget about how everybody, how they're connected to everybody else once the like two get together. And I think that it's nice that their friends are there too. Like that, that Lilly and Jeremiah are also there and like it's showing that that it's like they're all connected and it's not just this. And that like Lilly is really the one who pushes Mia to to realize what being a princess could mean and how that could be a good thing and like a responsibility.

Sophie

Yeah. And I I also, I would agree with you, Jane, that it's weird. I think it's, maybe not on purpose, but like that is a very like, at least in my experience like my brother would do that too, and it would be very awkward, but he would like mean it in a loving way.

Jane

Right.

Sophie

He just doesn't know what else to do.

Jane

Yeah. No. And I I think that's great. I mean it's it's weird but, like, I I love that I love all the little weird things that happen. That's a big part of why I love this movie. There's so many weird little moments that you just kind of like, why is that there? But also I love it. I mean, just the whole thing with like when she breaks the statue, and puts the-

Rosemary

“Maybe it's string cheese.”

Jane

Yeah, exactly! She puts the finger in the mouth of the statue and and that scene is really funny too. I love when she breaks it and she immediately like shushes the statue. Like, “Don't tell anyone that I broke you.” And then like, she just sticks it in there and it's just like kind of a throwaway thing. And then it comes back in the best way. “They're famous for their cheese. Maybe it's string cheese,” and it's just, ah, it's so good. But like that, that serves no purpose, but it's hilarious.

Rosemary

Also, how did she break that statue? Like isn't it made out of like marble? Like…

Sophie

Right.

Rosemary

That she would just like touch it and it would break? Like what? What is that statue made out of?

Jane

That was an untapped part of the story that she also has super strength. But just like nobody- that's why she always falls down and stuff like she does. She can't really control her own strength.

Sophie

Yeah, gravity is too strong.

Rosemary

They would be like, “We can't put that in there because then it would not be realistic.”

Jane

[laughs] But we'll have hints for it anyway. Ah man.

Sophie

Yeah, and and that her first idea is to reattach it with saliva. Like, that's good work.

Jane

[laughing] Uh, I love it. I love it so much. Just like fun moments like that is really, I think what makes it such an enjoyable movie, because like just, there's stuff that still makes me laugh when I've seen it more than 30 times.

Sophie

Yeah.

Jane

Just like…

Rosemary

“Please don't crush my soy nuts.”

Jane

“Your soy nuts are safe.” Ohh man. Yeah, just so many great moments. And I mean, I do enjoy the movie Princess Diaries 2, but it just like has nothing to do with anything. I feel like it's so weird that they just like went ahead and made it even though the guy who played Michael couldn't be in it and they’re just like, “Well, Michael's not important anymore.”

Sophie

Yeah.

Rosemary

The fact that they made them break- “Oh, we're still friends, but we're broken up. And now I'm going to like, go fall in love with someone else.” That is not Mia Thermopolis. She is obsessed with Michael. She's in love with Michael. I don't care. Book, movie, whatever. It's fine. Princess Diaries 2 is fine as a movie, but it's a totally different universe. One where Raven is randomly there. And there's mattress surfing.

Sophie

A an African Princess.

Rosemary

Yeah. It’s just-

Sophie

Like, get someone from Africa! I mean, she's American.

Jane

Like, is she an African prin-? Like it's we don't know who she is, she's not explained. It's just like she shows up and and Mia’s like, “Oh it’s you!”

Sophie

“It’s my best friend!”

Jane

And it's like, who is this? We've never seen her before. Please introduce her to the audience!

Sophie

I do. I do wonder if at the end of the first movie they like on the plane to Genovia they enter some sort of like slipstream wormhole situation and just like land in another universe. And that's why everything is crazy in the second movie.

Jane

The castle that they see out the airplane window is completely different in the second movie.

Sophie

I do love it, in like a very campy removed from book and first movie reality way. But yeah it's it's not like… It's not the first one.

Jane

No, and it has a terrible script, like so many of the lines are so forced, and it's like, man, these actors were working really hard to sell this.

Sophie

Yeah.

Jane

Like, certain certain moments just, like, don't work at all. There are funny lines in the second one, but I just think the the first one… And I know that like a lot of the script of this movie was changed by Garry Marshall like while they were filming it. They talked about that in - oh, I should mention the commentary, because, while this commentary is not quite as iconic as Ella Enchanted I do… I have seen this a lot of times with the commentary with Julie Andrews and Anne Hathaway having tea and Julie Andrews mostly just wants to talk about the tea, like the literal tea, not like spilling the metaphorical tea of the movie. She's just very excited about having tea. But Anne Hathaway, like, remembers the names of everybody and is, like, wants to give everybody credit for everything. But they talk a lot about how Garry Marshall would expect them to be, like, ready with the lines, but also ready to just like, chuck the entire script out on the day and be like, “No, actually now we're going to do it this way and say completely different lines.” And so a lot of it I think was… not exactly improvised, but sort of changed last minute, and if you watch other Garry Marshall movies, you can see that there's just so many things that he just likes to have in his movies that don't have anything to do with anything. And I think that's part of what makes this movie weird. And it's part of what makes it work too. I think that it feels more cohesive because it's so… there's the Garry Marshall trademark through it all. And that he had his children work on it and gave it sort of a family feel, I think really worked for this one.

Sophie

Yeah. Rosemary, I was saying to Jane that I need nepotism justice for Penny, because Penny is the only Marshall member that is not in this movie. And he mentioned in… I can't remember if it's the commentaries or like, one of the special features that he's like, “They wanted me to cast Penny as the queen and I said absolutely not.”

[all laugh]

Jane

That's got to be a joke, though. I don't think that anyone considered Penny Marshall for the queen, but that would be a hilarious movie. It'd be a very different movie, but it would be hilarious.

Sophie

Yeah. Well, Penny Marshall and actually Carrie Fisher in one of my favorite childhood books they did like a star-studded Emperor's New Clothes reading, and Penny Marshall and Carrie Fisher played the ladies in waiting, who are like very bitchy and talk about the queen behind her back. It's fantastic.

Jane

That sounds amazing.

Rosemary

Yeah, what role could Penny Marshall have played?

Sophie

That's a good question. They could have taken out the puppet and had Penny be the puppet instead. On strings.

Jane

But they didn't use the puppet thing at all. The person who says “Maybe it's string cheese” I believe is Garry Marshall's wife, so she- Penny could have just been one of those like background people.

Sophie

Yeah, she could have been at the state dinner.

Jane

She could have been the pear juggler.

Sophie

That would have been great.

Rosemary

Or one of the reporters.

Jane

Yeah, Suki- What's… Suki Sanchez?

Sophie

Suki Sanchez? Yeah.

Rosemary

No, we don't want to get rid of Suki Sanchez. I mean, one of the ones that were like, “I’m from Teen Scene Magazine!”

Jane

Oh yeah. OK.

Sophie

“She's wearing a grunge look.” No, she's just wet.

Jane

That is so funny. I love that moment. It's like, “She's styling a wet sort of grunge-look hairdo.” It's like yes.

Rosemary

“And is wearing a sweatshirt, jeans, and Docs.”

Jane

“…jeans and Docs.”

Rosemary

The important things.

Sophie

Yeah, I do, I do appreciate that the Docs are like the one thing that made it from book to movie. Because those are very important.

Rosemary

They are her trademark.

Jane

They mentioned in the commentary that like originally, that scene was going to be like very regal and she was going to be in her ball gown and stuff and they changed it so that they would have her looking like looking sort of… mot all put together and to show that her confidence was coming from within rather than from external things, but they still gave her a makeover. So like it was still partly external. I mean, OK, the makeover scene… I don't like makeover scenes in movies. There's too many of them. I will say this one is pretty good. Just because Larry Miller is hilarious: his weird like accent, and then his like, fake European language thing is just like-

Rosemary

“Brushka, Helga!”

Jane

Yeah. Like. Yeah, [imitates nonsense phrase]. Like, he just makes up stuff and it's just so silly and that, like his his little things that he says, like her eyebrows are named Frida and Kahlo. And it's like, really weird things. And so it's it's like not bad. But I also kind of wish that she hadn't had to have a makeover, and they could have just, like, left her hair as it was. I know… I know that her makeover is really to make her look more like Anne Hathaway, and she was like- Anne Hathaway had worn a wig and like fake eyebrows and stuff like that in her, like, earlier look. But I think it would have been really interesting to show like a quote unquote “ugly” person not having to change to be conventionally attractive and still being able to be empowered. But like of course, I'm not saying that they shouldn't have cast Anne Hathaway because she's great in this movie.

Sophie

Sure.

Jane

But at the same time, it's like, Anne Hathaway is also very conventionally attractive. So like, it would have been cool to have a like more not conventionally attractive looking person in this role, and just like, let her be who she is and look the way she looks. But that obviously wasn't what this movie was trying to do, but like that is one thing that that bothers me a little bit about it.

Sophie

Yeah.

Rosemary

She's also blonde in the books.

Jane

Yes.

Rosemary

Don't they give her a Pixie cut?

Sophie

Yeah, they cut- I think that's what Paolo's referencing when he says, “Next time a little shorter.” But yes, there's a very distinct reference in the book where she says her hair looks like an upside down yield sign because it's so it, like, here and then goes straight. You can't see me in the podcast, but I'm gesturing.

Jane

Yeah, it's like a triangle hair thing. I remember that being mentioned.

Rosemary

Yeah, I think about that a lot. Like,

Sophie

Yeah.

Rosemary

Her yield sign hair.

Sophie

I feel like part of what makes the makeover scene work - I I will agree with you, Jane. I think they give her way too much makeup for a 15-year-old, and then they just like the framing of it as like, she started out so hideous and then look what I… look what I made of this mess you gave me - is Paolo's, like you said, he's just so funny. He's so weird and a little gross, but like in an amusing sort of way. And she also seems to be… once they finish plucking her eyebrows, she seems to be really enjoying herself. She's got her Walkman. She's got cucumbers on her eyes. She's like, bopping to the music a little bit.

Jane

“The cucumber does nothing.”

Sophie

[laughing] Nothing.

Jane

Yeah, I don't object to it too much. It's just sort of the concept of…of makeovers is a little…

Speaker

Sophie

Jane

Obnoxious to me, but it it works. And I also think it's interesting because I believe from what I remember of the books, when she's exposed to the press in the books, it was actually the grandmother who told the press. And they changed it in the movie so that it was Paolo.

Sophie

“I, Paulo Puttanesca!”

Jane

That scene, just like, first of all, we also have to talk about Sandra Oh.

Sophie

Yes!

Rosemary

I was gonna bring her up too.

Jane

She, as the vice principal, Gupta, is so good. She's like only in it a little bit, but every moment she has is perfect. From the from the beginning, when she's like, “Morning, Lilly! …Lilly's friend.”

Sophie

Lilly’s friend!

Jane

And like but that scene when she like answers the phone with her iconic, “Gupta. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. The Queen is coming. To Grove High School.” It's so good. And then and then when the Queen shows up and she's like fawning over her and, like, imitating her gestures and then just like, she, like, gives her this teacup. And it's like, “I'm sorry, we don't have finer China.” And then she just, like, hands a paper cup to Helen, the mom.”

Sophie

Uh-huh. “Here!”

Jane

So good. And then when Joe brings Paolo in and they have their whole little like routine of like he keeps starting to go and Joe, like, pushes him back is- that scene is just… There's just so much comedy gold there. And it's like it's amazing.

Sophie

Well, yeah, so Larry Miller is in two of my favorite childhood movies that came out around the same time: this one and Best in Show.

Jane

Yeah. And he's also in Mighty Wind. And he-

Sophie

Right.

Jane

He's he sets up one of Jennifer Coolidge's best moments too, when, because he's the one that she has one- They have one brain between them. The two of them, so yes.

Sophie

Oh, OK. Yeah. So he just like… The difference between those two roles, but they're both equally funny and weird.

Jane

Yeah, yeah. Best in Show he's awful. Like, I mean, I guess he's awful in this too. Like, his character is. But in that one, he's just like openly flirting with a married woman and then his- oh yeah, his job is like to talk people down…

Sophie

Down off ledges, yes.

Jane

…who are going to jump off building, but he's terrible at it. And he's just like, “Oh, they always jump.”

Sophie

“Their eyes pop out like grapes!”

Jane

[laughs] Ah, he's so he's such a silly man.

Sophie

Yeah.

Jane

But yes, so I enjoy him. I enjoy Sandra Oh, a lot. I enjoy Kathleen Marshall. I think that her Charlotte is…

Sophie

So sweet.

Jane

…a very a great character. I also… Not that I want there to be more romances, but I really like the thing between Clarisse and Joe and how they… their dancing scene is kind of… it- it has moments that remind me of The Sound of Music with Christopher Plummer like their dancing scene. But I love when Charlotte comes in and is like about to say something and then sees they’re having a moment and just like backs away.

Sophie

Yep, I’ll go away now. Yeah

Jane

My other favorite Charlotte moment is when [laughs] when she's worried because Mia hasn't shown up at the ball at the end and Clarisse is like, “Is everything all right?” And she goes. “Everything's perfect. Perfect? It's wonderful!” “You're not very good at lying, are you, Charlotte?”

Sophie

“No I'm not.”

Jane

“No, I'm not, your Majesty.” Oh, it's so good. So good. There's just… I think that's ultimately… like, I mean the story overall is great and the acting is great and all that. But like, I think just all those little fun little moments are really what keeps me returning to this movie is it's just like there's so many fun little scenes like that.

Rosemary

“And that's enough pear juggling.”

Jane

Such a good- like, ah, there's just, yeah. It's just such a fun little movie.

Sophie

It's funny, you mentioned the- the dance scene because I was thinking about how… like sweet, that is when he says, “You've been wearing black for far too long.” And in comparison, I had no recollection of this line from Lilly, but she says to Mia, she says, “The guy died, what, two months ago? I thought you'd gotten over it already.” What are you talking about?

Rosemary

Her dad died 8 weeks ago and you're like, “You should move on.”

Sophie

Chop chop!

Jane

Well, but also, she'd never met her dad. So like…

Sophie

Yeah.

Rosemary

True…

Jane

But also like I feel like that's also not a very long time to mourn your son? Because it's like…

Sophie

Right.

Jane

But I think that her husband died the previous year?

Sophie

Yeah, I think he's- I think he's referencing Rupert, not Phillipe.

Jane

“King Rupert, may he rest in peace.”

Sophie

“Rest in peace.”

Jane

That's from the second one though.

Sophie

I also didn't recall Pierre. I didn't recall there being a brother at all.

Jane

Oh yeah.

Sophie

Maybe he's not in the book, but…

Jane

Is he in the book?

Sophie

I don't remember him.

Jane

It's really like referenced, sort of offhandedly, like, “Oh yes, my my eldest Pierre wanted to abdicate and join the church.”

Sophie

Yeah

Jane

It's like, you have another kid?

Sophie

What?

Rosemary

Yeah.

Jane

Where's he? That… yeah, that was... I feel like that was kind of unnecessary.

Sophie

Yeah, there are a lot of changes that I feel like they really didn't need to make. Like Mr. G in the book is an algebra teacher, Helen’s boyfriend. And now all of a sudden, he's Mr. O'Connell and teaches debate, but also coaches baseball, but also teaches English?

Rosemary

Is just always there.

Jane

They have like four teachers in the school and they're just all in every class.

Sophie

There's Coach Harbula, there’s Vice Principal Gupta, and there's Mr. O'Connell and maybe there's one other person floating around.

Rosemary

The choir teacher.

Sophie

Oh, yes. Yes okay.

Jane

In the scene when when Mia puts the ice cream on Lana and Gupta’s like, “Oh, I was in a very important meeting,” it's just the four of them.

Speaker

It's just them having lunch.

Jane

Like, that's the entire staff of the- of the school.

Sophie

Of Grove High School.

Rosemary

“Lana got coned! Lana got coned!”

Jane

I was so confused by the “Lana got coned” chant for a long time.

Rosemary

Yes.

Jane

Because I couldn't tell what they were saying. And I was like, is that a thing?

Rosemary

I know!

Jane

Or is that just like, what people would have just decided to call this?

Sophie

It's the early 2000s, as opposed to late 2000s equivalent of getting slushied I guess. It's just something that happens in high schools with mean kids. I don't know. I also, speaking of not being able to understand what people are saying, for my entire life until this rewatch, I thought, Fontana said after the debate situation, I thought she said to Mia, “I thought you were speaking at the Believe It convention.”

Speaker

OK, I thought that was just me!

Sophie

It’s bulimic.

Jane

Yeah!

Sophie

Which makes so much more sense, but I was like… what? Who? What is this? Is this something that I should know about?

Rosemary

Oh, the Believe It? What?

Jane

Yeah, that's what I heard too.

Rosemary

No!

Jane

Because she's like, “Is it true you're speaking at the Believe It convention?” and-

Rosemary

No!

Jane

Yeah, okay.

Sophie

Like I can’t believe it.

Rosemary

It’s definitely “bulimic.”

Jane

Well, yes, that does make a lot more sense. But yeah, no, I couldn't understand that for a long time too. OK. I'm glad it's not just me. I thought once I figured out what they were saying, I was like...

Sophie

Yeah, that makes a lot more sense.

Jane

Of course, that's what they're saying, but OK, yes.

Rosemary

I was definitely… it was one of the more recent rewatch is when I realized she was saying “a yachting yahoo.” I thought she was just saying “a yada yahoo.”

Jane

Ohh yeah, I thought that for at first for a while too. OK. Do you remember? I I have no clue when this was, but we used to have a computer in the basement and it didn't- It wasn't connected to the internet, we just used it for like writing papers and stuff?

Sophie

Typing and stuff, yeah.

Jane

And it would have… we made it so that the screen saver was like word art. And we… it was like, the showers upstairs didn't work, so we would always shower in the basement and we walk by this computer and like every time we would walk by, we would change the screensaver to the next line from that scene when Lilly and Mia are fighting and playing basketball, like that scene. So I just remember, like we would just, we quoted that whole scene in the screen saver on that computer for no reason just because it was a fun thing to do.

Rosemary

Yeah!

Sophie

That that very much tracks with what I know of your childhood and your relationship.

Jane

Yes. So I still think about that computer whenever I think about that scene.

Sophie

That’s funny.

Jane

But I'm I'm not sure if we wrote “yachting yahoo” or if we wrote, “yada yahoo.”

Rosemary

Yeah, I don't know. I also need to mention that I was a youth that kept a diary pretty faithfully, and there is a section of a diary that I had around that time where I was like, “I can't believe I keep saying the word ‘I.’ I should think about other people!” And it was because I was like, inspired by Mia Thermopolis's speech. But it was like, it's so funny. There’s this little section of like 12-year-old me being like, “I need to stop saying ‘I.’” Like it was just a new thought that had occurred to me.

Sophie

Sure. That's… that's sad and cute at the same time.

Jane

Yes.

Rosemary

So what else do we need to cover?

Sophie

Well, I definitely want to mention the soundtrack, which I think is one of my favorite parts of this movie. I think I… I mean, I've seen the movie a zillion times and like, had the VHS and the DVD, but I also had the CD and I must have listened to the CD until it was like, so scratched beyond belief. Every song is so good.

Rosemary

Mm-hmm.

Jane

Yeah. I remember we got the CD from the library a few times, but we never owned it. We had the Princess Diaries 2 soundtrack.

Rosemary

Yeah.

Sophie

Also good, but not quite as good.

Jane

I was just so excited about Julie Andrews singing again. So like…

Sophie

Yes. That is my favorite song from the second movie.

Jane

Yeah, definitely. Not sure why Raven’s there, but you know, it's still a great song.

Sophie

She has to do some sort of hippity hoppity for the youth. They they won't they won't last doing the… just Julie Andrews doing like a musical style number.

Jane

“But I don’t know how to do this sort of thing.”

Rosemary [overlapping with Jane]

“I don’t know how to do this.”

[all laugh]

Jane

Oh man, anyway, but yes, the the soundtrack for the original movie, which is what we're supposed to be talking about, is really good. There's so many great songs on it, and I really I- it's super random, but I really enjoy Mandy Moore singing “Stupid Cupid.” I don't really know why she sings it there in the movie, but like it's great.

Sophie

It's a weird song to have in that scene. It's weird that she sings it, but I'm so glad she does.

Jane

I also really enjoy that Anna and Fontana are there as backup singers, but their mouths never move. They're just like doing a dance. And like you hear the like background vocals, but they are not singing.

Sophie

They're not lip syncing. Yeah, I will say Mandy did not lip sync that scene particularly well. But her outfit is good enough to where it doesn't even matter. Her polka dot skirt is incredible.

Rosemary

And the like uni-boob tank top sweater.

Sophie

Yeah, the the halter sweater with the handkerchief hem. Oh my gosh, it's very Y2K.

Rosemary

It's exactly what I would wear to the beach.

Sophie

Sure. And platform flip flops.

Rosemary

I also need to confess something that as a child when this movie came out, whatever, I was very confused because I thought that Mandy Moore and Marilyn Monroe were the same person. And so I was so confused because I like knew that Marilyn Monroe… like I wasn't 100% sure who she was, but I knew she was like an icon and that like she was in Princess Diaries, cause it was like an alliterative M name, and I totally like was like, I don't know, it's got to be Marilyn Monroe. And then like… finding out more about Marilyn Monroe as I got older and then I was like…. I don't think that's Marilyn Monroe...

[all laugh]

Jane

I think she's very dead.

Sophie

I don’t think so.

Rosemary

I don't think it's the same person, but I’m not sure.

Sophie

It could be, but I'm not quite sure.

Jane

That's amazing.

Rosemary

But I remember being very confused about Mandy Moore and Marilyn Monroe in that movie.

Jane

That's amazing.

Sophie

That’s really cute.

Jane

One thing that I think is really interesting that I didn't quite pick up on until more recent rewatches is like just speaking of the whole beach thing: They're taking pictures of a 15-year-old in a state of undress and publishing them in tabloids. And it's seen as the 15-year-old's fault.

Sophie

Mm-hmm.

Rosemary

It's horrible.

Jane

It's it's terrible and like it's supposed to be bad. And you're like, supposed to think like, oh, it's- I feel bad for her, but I hadn't quite absorbed how awful that is. And it's like, I mean, that does happen, stuff like that. And it's like it's her fault when it very much was not for several reasons. But I just, it's just like, struck me as so much more disturbing to be like, OK, we're gonna have this undressed teenager that we took pictures of without her consent and blame her for it, and that was upsetting to me when I was just realizing that. But I also think that the scene when Clarisse confronts Mia about that is really well done. I think that they like, hit those emotional beats really well, and just like that, that she's really disappointed in her. But like Mia handles it well. And then I love when Joe comes in and sort of says, like “You were too harsh on her” and that they managed to slip in some levity with her with that moment of, like, “Her friends didn't help- Anna, Banana… Montana.” And I love that. And then that like, that's the moment when Clarisse says, “I have no idea what you're talking about” is great. But I also think it's like such a good point of, like, the thing. About like, “As a queen, I was too critical of the person who could become the next ruler of my country.” And he says, “No. As a grandmother, you were too harsh on your granddaughter.” And then that she takes that into the scene when they're in Mia's house talking about giving the speech or whatever, but she says, like, “I am first and foremost your grandmother.” And then that great moment when she hugs her and then just kind of goes, “Ah! I- I did it! I hugged someone!” is so great because she's been so emotionally distant and yeah. I just, I think that they really like they… they Julie Andrews-ified the queen but they didn't like make her completely like… soft and lovable. I mean, I guess it's kind of Mary Poppins too, where she's like, standoffish, but then also like sweet underneath.

Rosemary

But she's definitely not Maria von Trapp.

Jane

No.

Sophie

Correct.

Jane

She has to go through a journey too. Like the queen goes through a journey as well as Mia, and they go through very different journeys but kind of meet up at the end. And it's also just really nice that Clarisse still believed that Mia could do it and, like, had a tiara ready for her, even though she said she was going to step down and like… The whole end part of the movie just really pays off and I think that their relationship arc, the grandmother/granddaughter relationship is really… a great central story to this whole thing. Like it's like, yeah, it's about a girl who finds out she's a Princess, but it's also about, like, becoming connected with her estranged grandmother, who also needs some connection in her life. And I think that that's very well done.

Sophie

Yeah, I totally agree.

Jane

Mia's dad is dead, but we see, like pictures of him and one like flashback and that is Anne Hathaway's actual father. The voice is not. But they were going to use pictures of him, but then the scene with- when he's writing the note in the diary, they were just going to have somebody else wearing a wig to look like his hair, but then he happened to be in San Francisco for unrelated reasons while they were filming there. So they just, like, got him writing the letter. So that's kind of fun.

Sophie

That’s so cute.

Rosemary

I think another thing that this movie does well is like, adults taking teenagers seriously.

Jane

Oh yeah.

Rosemary

And like listening to them like… Mia and her mom had, like, real conversations together, and her mom doesn't just like, brush her off and be like, well, you're just a dumb teenager. Like her mom, like takes things to heart. And, you know, when she's like, “How could you lie to me for 15 years? I don't feel protected,” like her mom, like, takes that and it's like, this is where we're at now, and let's see what we can do to move forward. And then again when Mia’s like, “I can't believe you're dating my teacher!” She's like… she actually apologizes to her.

Sophie

Yeah.

Rosemary

And like when even like… the premise of the Mia has to hit a baseball to pass gym class is stupid, but like I even really like that gym teacher because she's just like, “I'm rooting for you.” And like…

Sophie

Yeah, I love Coach Harbula.

Rosemary

Mm-hmm.

Sophie

She, like… without like compromising her… like Mia says, “I can't do this. I'm a girl” and she's like... “Hello!”

Jane

“What am I, a duck?”

Sophie

“What am I, a duck?” Yeah. Which is hilarious when in the bonus features, you see that actor make duck noises and various other sound effects, which she's fantastic at. But yeah, she's very supportive while like being like, “You, you got to do this thing. I know it's hard.” Then she does it, and she's so proud of her at the end, which is really nice. And you know, having Josh get hit in the balls is… not a downside in the slightest.

Jane

I also think it's really funny that nobody else in the outfield can possibly pick up the ball. Just like, “You have to get up and throw it. We can't come over and find it.” Like I think that’s really funny.

Sophie

Well, one kid, one kid is on the phone with his mom about the dentist, so it couldn't be him. And then-

Jane

Bobby Bad.

Sophie

Twelve girls are doing some sort of cheerleading routine, so it couldn't be them.

Jane

Why- OK. But also like, why is the entire staff there? Because like Gupta-

Rosemary

Mr. O'Connell have picked up the ball.

Sophie

I know!

Jane

Yeah. Like, why was he there in the gym class? Why is Gupta coaching the cheerleaders? Like it's just like it's... I don't know. OK, two things that I was gonna say. One thing: going back to the mom relationship. I love when after the like beach fiasco, the mom says like, “My mom always told me not to cry and like to be strong. But you've been hurt. So you just cry.” And like I think that's so great. It's like, yeah, feel your feelings. Let's encourage girls to to feel their feelings and not shame them for being upset when upsetting things happen. And the other thing going way back to when we were talking about why the teacher changes from algebra to the like, debate teacher, because in the books Mia is really bad at math and then like her mom’s dating her math teacher. But I think that it really… it contributed to the arc to have her like, have this fear of public speaking and then like going into being a Princess where like you have to do a lot of public speaking and like that, adding to the reason of like, why not only why she doesn't want to be a Princess, but why she doesn't even want to show up to abdicate the throne. Like she's going to run away to Colorado in a car that doesn't run. That seems like a good plan.

Rosemary

Without a driver's license.

Jane

Yeah.

Sophie

With the cat!

Jane

With the cat, yeah!

Sophie

She's gonna take the cat to go rock climbing. And you can tell Fat Louie is like, first of all, this is a terrible idea. Second of all, please do not bring me into this. I want to live in my warm firehouse, OK, with my crazy artist mom. Do not take me to the rocks.

Jane

Yes. But anyway. So yeah, I think that that might have been part of why they decided to make the teacher that the mom ends up with be the debate teacher. So they could show that- set it up really early.

Rosemary

Yeah, it's definitely like easier to show being bad at debate in a movie than it is to be like “I am bad at algebra.” Like…

Jane

Yeah.

Sophie

Well, yeah. And it's, it's also like it's not Mean Girls where she has to solve the equation at the end of the movie for the big finish. It’s like she has to make this speech.

Rosemary [overlapping]

Make a speech.

Sophie

Right.

Jane

Yeah, it's like it's not that she's found out she's like inheriting a math thing like, “You… you have… you have to be the head of the math department because of who your father was” or something. It's like, “Oh, no, but I'm bad at math!”

Sophie

Yeah. That's hilarious.

Jane

So yeah, so I think that it works. I do think it's weird that they changed his name but…whatever

Sophie

Hmm-hmm. I don't know, maybe there are more Irish people than Italians in San Francisco, which I don't think is true, but-

Jane

They changed it to San Francisco just so they could have the scene where she, like, goes down the hill and runs into a trolley. Like, that- which is a great scene, by the way, but like-

Sophie

Yeah.

Jane

It's like it doesn't really have anything to do with the story. I guess I guess it shows the queen in action, which it's a little bit of like showing that royalty can get away with stuff that other people can't. But I just think it's just so great to show that the queen can like...

Sophie

She's loosening up a little bit. Yeah, I mean, you, first of all, get the nuns calling 911 and they're busy and they say, “For the love of God,” which is hilarious, iconic. Then you get the Order of the Rose and then at the end, she says “Goodbye trolley people.”

Jane

And you get the, “Does anybody have a Saber?” “I've got an umbrella!” Which I love. I love, first of all, like, of course, everyone's carrying around a Saber, and then just like “I've got an umbrella” and she's like, “uhh…” “Well, I have an emergency brake!” “This will do nicely,” so great. And then and then I love that the trolley driver and the police officer show up at the ball at the end with little like things like they got an official badge.

Sophie

With their medals, yeah. So cute.

Jane

Yeah, it's like, oh, yes, they- let's make the Order of the Rose a real thing. And, and also Anne Hathaway's “Oh- OH OOOOHHH!” is so well done. Like, every moment of that scene is just great.

Sophie

Yeah, 100%.

Rosemary

I think going back to adults taking teens seriously and paying attention to them, I think another really good example of that is Joe.

Sophie

Mm-hmm.

Jane

Oh yeah.

Rosemary

And the ways that he, like, pays attention to Mia and like he encourages her, like, when Lilly has a negative reaction to her like getting a makeover. And he's just like, you're going to be OK. And then what we already talked about when he, like, goes… when Clarissa was like, “Was I too hard on her?” and he was like, “Yeah, you were.” I really like the ways that Joe is like a safe adult for her. And like is a really good bodyguard sort of person.

Sophie

Yeah, he won't let her take the flags off the limo, but he will quote Eleanor Roosevelt to her and put up the divider screen so she can put on pantyhose in the back seat.

Jane

Well, and he won't let her call him Joey.

Sophie

Right. But he'll go and buy her high heels.

Rosemary

He went and got her the pantyhose and the high heels.

Sophie

Yeah.

Rosemary

And like, he seems like he knows what's going on. Also when he's like, “with the beach friends” and like knowing that they're like, ridiculous and mean to her and like… Yeah, I think... I think that that is another reason why this movie was so like… comforting as a child and teen to watch because you're like, “my problems do matter,” and like “adults do care about teens” kind of thing. I think that there's that sense of it that really makes it a comforting movie and like… I hope that all teenagers have aJoe in their life, or a Clarisse, or a Helen or a Coach Harbula, or Charlotte, or, you know? The way that that Mia has these supportive people in her life that aren't even necessarily related to her. It's a really nice portrayal of that.

Sophie

Yeah.

Jane

Yeah.

Sophie

I totally agree.

Jane

Anything else that we desperately want to add? I mean, there's so much more that I could say about this movie, but uh, I don't want to just go on and on forever. I think that that that we've covered a lot of the important things about it.

Sophie

Maybe we can release our own deleted scenes at some point.

[Jane and Rosemary laugh]

Sophie

With puppets.

Rosemary

And bananas?

Sophie

Yes.

Jane

The deleted scenes are very interesting. I think that they did a great job of figuring out what to delete and what to keep.

Rosemary

A great job of deleting them.

Sophie

Yes.

Jane

Yeah. Because a lot of times like you, you see deleted scenes and you're like, “Oh, this could have been in the movie.” I mean, I guess the one I I do think it would have been nice to see Mia and Michael having pizza together.

Sophie

Mm-hmm.

Jane

Because it is a little odd that the pizza is so important at the end, and they've just like kind of mentioned it once in a throwaway line right before “Wait up. Wait for me! Not you. I don't even know you!” which is amazing and I love it so much. We haven't talked enough about Lilly I don't think. But she is a great character.

Sophie

Mm-hmm.

Jane

I feel like very often in movies where there's like a best friend, the best friend is just kind of there to like be a sidekick and I think Lilly Moskovitz is no one’s sidekick and she, like, is doing her best to make a difference in the world. And then, like finds out that her friend actually might have the means to really make a difference. And like, calls her out when she's like, “Yeah, you absolutely can do this.” But she's like Lilly's not perfect. Like, she gets really jealous of Mia. And so I think that that she's a very complex character. And I really like the way that she's portrayed.

Sophie

Yeah, I think if we were talking about the second movie we could say more because I think Lilly is a more active participant in the sequel, but we do get the great scene of her trying to vamp while she has Jeremiah on Shut Up and Listen. And you know that is one of the major conflicts is like Mia’s ditching all her friends for this, you know, popularity that she thinks she wants and then it turns out that that's not actually what's going to make her happy.

Jane

It's so wild to me that she doesn't even tell Lilly that she's going on a date with Josh. Like it… it seems like that would be something that you would tell your best friend, even if you forgot that you were supposed to be doing something with them. It's almost like, did Mia forget? Or was she, like, intentionally avoiding her because she- I mean, I know there was the whole thing earlier in the film when when Lilly's like, “Jerk and jerkette sighting” and like, Lilly does never like Josh, so I guess that could have been part of it too, but it's like at least she tells Michael that she's not showing up for their date, whereas like she doesn't even tell Lilly she's not going to be on her show.

Sophie

Yeah, I do think there could have been some sort of mention like “I can't tell Lilly what I'm doing because she's gonna judge me and like, she's gonna be even more mad if I, you know, tell her I'm I'm going to the party with Josh than if I just, like, didn't show up.” But…

Jane

Yeah, but she doesn't even… it's like she forgot about Lilly completely.

Sophie

Right.

Jane

Like it's like I'm not thinking about Lilly at all. And it's like… interesting to show her kind of starting to go off into this direction of like, “I'm going to be a mean popular kid” and then just like, totally failing at it and being like, “You know, that wasn't me. I totally messed up.” The movie does a good job of showing you how to take responsibility for when you mess up and then like showing, but you don't have to take responsibility for everything. Cause like not all the stuff that happened at the beach was Mia's fault, and it's portrayed as unreasonable that like people get so upset at her about that, but also like some of the stuff she did was bad, like she ditched her best friend and like showing her take responsibility for that, apologize, try and make amends for both Lilly and Michael, I I think I just think that's done really well. And I think that that's a good message to be giving to kids of like, you do need to take responsibility for the stuff that is your fault.

Sophie

And when she does apologize, she never like demands that she be forgiven. Like she says to Lilly on the roof, she's like, “I hope you can forgive me.”

Jane

Mm-hmm.

Sophie

She doesn't like expect that that's automatically going to come just because she said she's sorry, which I think is really cool.

Jane

Yeah and I love Lilly’s response of, “But what will I wear?” And she's just like, “Oh, I'm so glad you're gonna come!” And it's it's just a really sweet moment.

Sophie

And I will, I will say when she hugs Lilly after Lilly says she's going to come to the party, her foot does pop.

Jane

Yes it does. I I noted that as well.

Sophie

So it's not just, it's not just a romantic thing. It's for any kind of love.

Jane

Yeah. And again, that's… what I do really like about this movie is that they focus on a lot of different kinds of love, a lot of different deep relationships with different people, and I think they do a really good job of developing many of them and that's really great.

Sophie

I love this movie.

Jane

Ah, me too.

Rosemary

I do too. Well, thanks for… thanks for having me on to talk about it again.

Jane

Yes, I'm so glad to have both of you back.

Sophie

I'm so glad we got to talk about it. The three of us, that was fun.

Jane

Yes! So uh… thank you so much for being here and I… don't know how to wrap this up.

Rosemary

Miracles happen.

Sophie

“Thank you for being here today.”

Jane

“Thank you for being here today.” Yes. Oh, that's another great moment that I must mention when Joe is, like, so committed to pretending to drive the car that he even like puts the parking brake on before getting up. So great. Anyway, “thank you for being here today.” I love this movie. I love both of you and I'm so glad that we did this.

Sophie

Me too.

Rosemary

“Goodbye trolley people!”

[all laugh]

Jane

Ah, that was so fun. Thank you to Sophie and Rosemary for that lovely chat, and thank you audience for listening! This will be my final guest episode; my top six are so personal that it feels right to just talk about them myself. The next two episodes will be the final tie on my list, featuring the two movies that I watched 31 times. Coincidentally, one of them is the oldest movie in my entire top 40, and the other is the newest. The newest movie is also the shortest movie on the list, so I’ll be talking about that first. As always, I will leave you with a quote from that next movie: “First off, I work alone. Always have, always will. Second, take a hike. I don’t touch Hollywood cases. Not since… The War.”

#the princess diaries #garry marshall #anne hathaway #julie andrews #the rewatch rewind #i love this movie so much #and chatting about it with friends was so fun

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