#and meanwhile I’m unemployed living at home and still being overlooked and treated like I should be helping parent the younger ones???
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I’m not gonna lie to you guys I really really hate being the eldest child in the family
#bc what do you mean my younger siblings are all getting encouragement and opportunities I could only ever DREAM of asking for#without getting yelled at or belittled or criticized and in fact they’re being offered these things FREELY#and meanwhile I’m unemployed living at home and still being overlooked and treated like I should be helping parent the younger ones???#please just fucking shoot me#shoot me a dozen times right in the stomach it would hurt less#and all of this being paired with the fact that I’m already the most useless sibling of the group#literally all my brothers and sisters have useful talents and interests that they’re actually good at and I’m good at?? what?#making stuff no one even cares about anymore?? drawing things in the rare occasion my brain decides to function??#being ‘creative’??#being nice to people???#just put me in the ground#but sure let’s sit here and you tell me about all these things you want to do for my younger siblings while ignoring the fact that you’ve#not only actively heavily discouraged my endeavors to move out but also my hopes of going to college out of state or going back to college#at ALL#nevermind the fact that when I originally wanted to move away to college straight out of high school you were like mmm. nope.#local community college for you#but my sister and brother who are in college got to move away immediately AND my brother even got to move 12+ hours away????#and now my other sister is on track for graduating high school a year early and it’s being encouraged but when *I* was on track to graduate#a year early I was instead forced to split my last year in halves so I could graduate ‘on time’??? even though I PLEADED to graduate early??#sure. whatever. I’ll sit here and act like I’m happy for you and all of them though. sure#I hope I die in my sleep tonight#please god let me die#I don’t want to kill myself but good god do I want to die#eve's thoughts#delete later
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