#and maybe that’s why it hurts so much. because it’s like loosing a family member

[lowcallyfruity]

Nex’s death hurts me so fucking bad man. I see a post of them and I can’t help but cry, I think of them while I go through my daily life and I cry. It just hurts so much.

[russellsppttemplates]

No more of this (Lando Norris)

Lando is trying to stop the hurt of loosing you by getting ahead of it and (trying to) leave you first

Note: english is not my first language. It's angsty but has a good ending! ✨️ I took a bit of a gamble with this one, and I'm hoping it is still a good enough piece to read! This was from a request for which I had another idea whilst I was writing this one, so I might work on it if this truly is a bad take on it!

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

my masterlist

Cw: relationship troubles, miscommunication, anxiety symptoms, alludes to the passing of a family member and consequent inheritances

Tag list: @myloverjk-blog @hiireadstuff @c-losur3

Lando wasn't sure how long he had been in the room on his own, but he knew he didn't have it in him to leave soon.

He thought he wasn't enough, he was too much trouble for anyone around him, that's why no one is there for him right now.

He grabbed his phone and swiped the screen to check if the texts he sent you had gone through, but the lack of an answer from your part was simply that.

Not even Y/N cares about him or what he needs. Maybe he didn't word it in the right away? Surely, Y/N would have replied by now if he had written it down properly and not appeared like a clingy, needy child. Maybe he could send another one, just to make sure it is all alright.

To lovie ✨️

I'm sorry if that was a lot, but I just wanted to know how your day had been! I love you, sweet girl 🧡

There, all better.

The McLaren driver waited for your answer, hoping to make ammends from his previous tries.

Maybe she's busy, she has so much on her plate as well. She can't take care of Lando too. Lando wonders what his girlfriend would do if she knew you felt like this. If she found him lying in a bed, unable to move and startled by the idea of facing the outside? She would leave him right then and there. Y/N can only take so much and she's not going to take this.

The tears that fell went unoticed until they pooled on the pillow cover fabric, wetting it and dampening Lando's cheek and jaw.

The weight on his chest lightened when his phone vibrated.

From lovie ✨️

I'm so sorry, Lan - my phone was on silent because of the meeting with the notary and I forgot to turn it back up 🤦‍♀️

It has been a busy couple of days with the signings and handovers, but I can already see the end of it!

And how was your day, bubs?

I miss you loads and can't wait to kiss your handsome face 🧡 I love you 💖

There it goes, that wasn't so bad, right? She replied - she's safe, she has a reason why and she wrote I love you. Maybe all of that fuss was for nothing.

Lando quickly typed back a reply, hitting the button to send after reading it a couple of times to ensure it was good.

To lovie ✨️

It's okay, sweet girl, you don't have to worry! It's been same old, had a training session with Jon and then worked on the sim.

Can't wait for you to be home soon, I love you so much ❤️

You replied, that was all he needed. Everything is back to normal, the heartbeat has slowed down, the weight on the chest had been lifted, and breathing wasn't so hard anymore.

For now, anyway.

The last two days had been fine, good even - Lando spent the afternoon playing padel with Max Verstappen, streaming with Quadrant and even played golf on his own, relief washing over him when, despite being on his own, his thoughts didn't take him to the dark side like he expected them to.

You had FaceTimed every night and exchanged texts in the morning so there hadn't been any reason to worry - until now anyway.

When Max and Pietra told you they were flying to Monaco to spend the week there, you decided to postpone leaving for two days and take the flight with them instead.

You'd have to have reached the realisation that Lando is not the best you can do. You couldn't possibly be that blind.

Y/N knows you're he's not good enough, she knows she deserves so much more and now that she has property back home and a safe ground, she'll leave him before he knows it.

It builds up again, his breathing short and laboured while his heart speeds up, his hands unconsciously retreating into themselves and making fists as his nails graze his palm.

You are going to leave him.

Not if Lando leaves you first.

"This isn't even the worst flight we've had", Max reasoned once you landed in Nice, "you're really feeling it, aren't you?", he nudged your shoulder.

"It's just been a busy couple of weeks", you sighed, looking for your luggage on the carrousel, "I'm so glad it's all dealt with now and I can finally be home again", you smil3d tiredly.

"You mean you can finally be with Lando again", Pietra teased you.

"Can you blame me, though? I miss him so much I'm not sure I can keep away from him for long once I hug him", you admitted, spotting the bright blue luggage on the conveyor belt.

"Lando just texted me saying he is by the informative screens", Max offered, grabbing his and Pietra's luggage and leaving the way out of the busy airport.

Once you spotted your boyfriend, you hastened your pace to approach him, leaving the luggage on the side so you could jump into his embrace.

"Hey, my love, I missed you so much", Lando held you impossibly tight to him, nipping on the skin of your neck and inhaling your scent.

Y/N is back, she's here.

"Me too, baby", you said, kissing his neck multiple times, "I'm so glad to be home", you mumbled, pulling a smile out of him before you kissed his lips.

"One could argue we are here too, but we're clearly not that important", Max joked, patting Lando's back where he could given that you were clinging to him like a koala.

"The car is in the -2 Parking zone", Lando offered, grabbing your luggage and walking behind his bestfriend and his girlfriend while keeping you close to him.

For now, this would have to suffice before things changed forever.

The whole drive back to Lando's apartment involved light chatter and catching up on the past few weeks.

"I think we should go out, enjoy some of the night life while you still can", Max slapped Lando's shoulder once you had settled in and unpacked.

"I can get us entrances", the Formula One driver agreed, grabbing his phone before he went through his contacts.

Once the entrances and the dinner reservations were secured, the four of you took turns in showering and getting ready, Lando never letting you leave his sight for long.

"You look beautiful, lovie", Lando complimented, watching your shake out the curls you had done on your hair.

"Thank you, bubs - you look really handsome too, I love it when you wear all black", you mused, taking his hand and kissing his knuckles gently.

It was all good. You didn't seem mad or upset with him, in the contrary actually - like he felt, you too were a bit needy for his touch and to have him close to you, offering him reassuring words and sweet nothings every time you could. Maybe his thoughts were a lie. Some of them have been, maybe those were too.

The dinner was lovely and you were able to walk to the club you'd be spending the night in, getting drinks first before finding the area you were staying in. Lando was quickly pulled by the DJ on the booth, recognising him from previous nights out, while you, Max and Pietra stayed where you were.

He was enjoying himself before he noticed you were chatting with someone else, remembering him from your friend's birthday.

He has a girlfriend who is Y/N's friend, Lando has nothing to worry about.

Until he does.

He doesn't miss the way you hug him or the way you engage in light chat with him, all smiles and cheers.

You deserve someone who is always there for you, who can be present and make you smile like that all the time, and he knows he's not the person for the job.

"I'm going back down to my group - thanks for the invite", Lando shook his hand before pulling the DJ for a quick hug, making his way to you and your friends.

"Hey, love, you're back!", you smiled with a big wave to beckon him over, lacing your hand in his as soon as you were close enough, "you remember Marvin, right?".

"Yes, hi, how are you?", he mused, shaking his hand before protectively placing his arm around your waist.

Marvin had to leave to go be with his friend group as since then, you noticed Lando seemed weird. He was usually the life of the party and he always enjoyed himself in these environments, so to see him just stand there and sway his head to the music was a foreign sight.

"Dance with me, baby", you put your back to his chest, letting his hand hold you by your waist still while you swayed your bodies.

"I love you, Y/N, never forget that", he mumbled spontaneously after a while, kissing your cheek multiple times before hiding your face in your neck.

"I love you too, Lan, so much", you replied back as that was the last clue that something was going on.

A couple hours later, and after you had been sat at the booth for quite a bit, you told Lando that you felt a little tired, Max and Pietra agreeing with you that all the travelling had caught up with you, so you made your way out and back to his apartment.

"Have a goodnight, guys", you waved as Max helped his girlfriend into the room, the blonde woman having already fallen asleep on the way.

"Are you feeling better, Y/N?", Lando wondered as he watched you put your heels back in their spot once you stepped inside your bedroom and closed the door behind you.

You debated telling him the truth, but your relationship has been built in honesty and trust about everything, so the course to take was obvious, "Actually", you began, "I am totally fine, but I noticed you weren't great, you didn't seem that happy and I thought we could talk about it , if you'd like", you suggested, "or we could sleep, I'm fine with either, but I hope you choose the one that makes you feel better", you smiled.

The smile quickly vanished when Lando got up from the bed, his body language tight and tense, "now you care about me? Now you want to know if I'm okay or if I'm doing what makes me happy? All after I felt like shit and had to deal with things on my own?", Lando mused, taking you aback with such words.

"Lando, baby, what do you mean with that?", you asked.

"You were here and I was there, and then I have been here while you've been back home and you haven't been there for me", Lando spat, "I just wanted you by my side, I needed you and you weren’t there for me", he concluded. The anger previously in his tone was replaced by sadness and a hint of shame even.

"Lando, it's not like I have been on vacation purposefully away from you - there have been matters that my family needed me to take care of as there wasn't anyone else to take that responsibility! I don't understand where this is coming from - if I wasn't with you it's because I really couldn't be there!", you argued.

"It's... I can't do this right now", Lando looked up as tears started brimming his eyes.

"It seems not", you defended yourself, feeling the hints of accusation and the lack of flexibility and empathy from your boyfriend, "excuse me", you offered, grabbing your pyjamas and leaving your shared bedroom.

The accusations you threw to one another were heard by your guests as Max looked for you while you adjusted the living room sofa so that it could turn into a single bed, not needing the full sized mattress since you'd be clearly sleeping alone.

"What are you doing here?", Max wondered.

"You don't need to pretend you didn't hear that", you shrugged your shoulders before wiping your cheeks with your thumb, pulling on the sheet so the corner wouldn't fly off during the night.

"I can't take the guest room when you are sleeping here, Y/N", Max offered, pulling your hand so you would get up.

"I'm fine, it's not like I'm counting on getting that much sleep", you mumbled, sitting down against the cushions.

"You two are going to sort it out", Max gulped, "you always do, Y/N", sitting down next to you.

"Do you think we will?", you muttered, the weight of the words leaving your mouth settling in the possibility, "did he tell you anything? I'm at a loss at where all of this has come from", you offered your perspective.

"You're Lando and Y/N - there is no way in this world that you don't make it work. You are meant to be, no matter whatever turn you took in your life or whatever decisions you could've taken differently, you and Lando were supposed to meet in every single one of them", Max comforted as he rubbed your back, letting you rest your head on his shoulder.

"Things are so messed up between us", you tutted at your boyfriend's earlier words and the disbelief that this was happening.

"Lando has been under a lot of pressure lately", Max offered, "I know his words hurt you and I'm certainly not justifying them, but he's... He just wants to be his best self for you, and between his family issues and this season's prospects, not having you with him there has shaken the foundation he thought was his steady self".

"I didn't notice it - yay for the bad girlfriend points!", you jokingly cheered before groaning, "I need out of this day".

"That's why you should go to the spare bedroom to sleep it off, Y/N", Max sternly said, "and you're not a bad girlfriend for this, not at all".

"I'm staying here, I told you", you stated, "you go and take that spare room, P is probably asleep on the bed already", you giggled, "I'll be fine".

"Tomorrow is a new day and a new opportunity for a fresh outlook of this whole situation", Max tapped his thighs before getting up, "Good night, Y/N".

"Good night, Max", you waved as he turned off the ceiling lights and closed the French doors that separated the living room from the dining room and the rest of the apartment.

Lando tossed and turned around for what felt like the hundredth time since he laid down on the mattress.

His words didn't come out the way he wanted them to.

But maybe it was for the best.

He didn't want to hurt you, and that is both a burden and a guilt that he will carry for the rest of his life.

She'll never forgive him. Not now that he's really shown how messed up and broken he is. How the playful, giggly boyfriend she was with is now a shell of a poor excuse of a man. He had been spending the nights alone since you were gone, but now that he knew you were - hopefully - still somewhere in the apartment and not next to him, the weight on his chest couldn't be heavier. It gets harder to breathe, and the thoughts don't stop.

He's lost the best person in his life because these insecurities got the best of him. Once again, he's letting them win and take charge of his life.

Lando sits up and holds the pillow you usually sleep with, trying to catch a small whiff of your scent that still lingers there and usually calms him down.

He's done something really bad. Maybe this was him. This was who he was nowadays and he was truly doing you the favour of letting you out before it got too bad.

When Lando wakes up after sleeping for what feels like a long nap, only Max is up as he steps into the kitchen.

"Morning", Lando muttered, not sure where to pick up from what he knows his bestfriend heard only a couple of hours ago.

"Morning, mate! P is feeling the hangover, so she'll be out for a while! Let's go on a run, it will do us both good", he put his hands on Lando's shoulders and patting them.

Lando groans and looks longingly at the living room, noticing the closed doors, wondering if you were still asleep.

Such an ass he is, letting his girlfriend sleep on the sofa.

Lando and Max run the usual distance, stopping to stretch at the little park area near his apartment, and because it's still early, there is no one else around but them and an older man walking his dog.

"Will you tell me what's going on with you and Y/N? Because by the looks of it, you really should talk to someone about it", Max stated. There wasn't a chance that Lando could run away from this, figuratively or literally, so he explained to his bestfriend what had been going on his mind.

"Do you think I am someone worthy of her? Y/N deserves so much better than me, so it's best if she leaves me first", Lando concluded.

"If she leaves you first, what?! Do you think it won't hurt you? Or her? Is that what this is all about?", Max argued, "you're seriously telling me that the only way you see a solution for this is to break up with her because you're so sure she wants to break up with you?! This is ridiculous, Lando!!".

"Of course it will hurt, Max! I love that girl with everything I have and I can't bear the thought of disappointing her, of her having less than she deserves, and I also can't even think about her leaving me! The anticipation that any moment she could say those words has been killing me!", he admitted outloud for the first time.

"Lando, that girl loves you with every bone of her body, do you really think she is going to break up with you?", Max sighed, "your mind is lying to you and it pains me to see the way it's doing it to you and the people around you".

"I'm not where I should be, these thoughts are consuming me left and right and I can't tell apart what is real and what my mind is catastrophising ", Lando agreed.

"Lando, people can't help you if you don't tell them you're feeling like that", Max stated, both sternly and empathetically, "and there are so many people that care about you".

They sit in silence in the bench as Lando ponders his words and Max replays them on his head.

"Is that what is going on in your head, though? That Y/N is going to leave you, and so you're getting ahead of it by breaking up with her?", Max mused.

"When you say it like that, it sounds so stupid and the opposite of what I want to do", Lando scoffed at himself, "but everything is aligned to it - she can do so much better for herself, and it's stupid I know, but my mind goes on and on about this and it almost never quietens down", he gulped.

"Y/N doesn't want to leave you, Lando, that's another lie you're telling yourself", Max offered, "she loves you and you deserve eachother because you're it, you're the endgame and you can work through this, but she needs to know".

"I know - sometimes I do anyway, I think", Lando chuckled lightly at his own joke, "we need to go home, I need to speak with Y/N".

"Indeed you do", Max agreed, getting up and following him to the apartment.

Pietra was already up and in the kitchen when the boys arrived, pecking her boyfriend's lips and looking at Lando, "Y/N's up, we have had breakfast and she went back to the living room while I was in the shower", she informed as Lando nodded.

"Can I come in?", Lando asked after knocking on the door.

"Yes, it's your apartment after all", you mused as he stepped inside

"No, Y/N", Lando groaned, "this is our place, my love, and there's something I need to tell you, many things in fact", he added.

"You should start then", you patted the spot next to the mattress where you had spent the night.

"I love you, Y/N, so much, that was never a question, and it was because I love you so much that every now and again, I have these thoughts that I'm not good enough for you, that I can't give you what you deserve and that you'd be better off with someone else, or without me", he took a big breath in, "I just wanted to be my best self for you, and it all comes crashing and building up and up and I can't shut the noise down".

"Lando, you could've told me, I would've helped, try to do my best in helping you so you weren't carrying this on your own", you offered, your hand crawling to his so you could hold it in yours.

"I hated that I needed you that much because you also have your own life and you don't want to be next to me every waking second. In my head, you shouldn't have to deal with me being needy of feeling like this", he admitted.

"And I'll be, I don't care what you need or say, Lando, I'm going to be here for you, I don't have to go back for a while now, so I'll be where you need me", you offered, "and, Lando, you could never be too much for me, you could never make me feel like I can do better because every day I thank my lucky stars that we're together and that you feel the same love I feel for you", you cupped his face, "you deserve so much, Lando Norris, and I'll work everyday to prove you that you're worthy of love and care and that things going on here are sometimes a lie", you kissed his forehead.

"I don't deserve having you, I yelled at you for no reason", Lando mumbled.

"There was a reason, and it would take me a lot more than you yelling at me when you're stressed and worried, but I'd also like to know whatever is happening when it is happening so I can help, or we can seek out professional help too", you rubbed his cheeks with your thumbs.

No one had ever fought for him like this. He's used to be the one to prove to people that they belong in his life and that's he's all in, not the other way around since, once every time his partners start to feel like it's too much once the honeymoon phase fades out and regular, day-to-day troubles show up notice it getting serious, they flee.

"We'll do this together, lovie", Lando muttered against your lips as he looked into your eyes, "I'm sorry I doubted you when in reality you are the one who's always stuck with me", he smiled, kissing your lips.

[hugemilkshake]

Yandere Ancients x GN Reader

How would they react if their darling rejects them when they confess their love to darling?

Enjoy the milkshake! Yandere content. Nice 👍

How the ancients would react to rejection

-romantic-

!TW! Under the cut is stuff like obsessive behavior, inflicting harm on one’s self or others, delusional behavior, implied alcoholism, over protectiveness, bad coping mechanisms, kidnapping, messing with one’s sense of reality, denial and stalking

Pure Vanilla

Pure Vanilla takes it… well…?

He says he understands that you’re not ready for a relationship yet… odd thing to say when you get rejected but go off ig…

He’s actually pretty normal. To everyone around him.. but when he’s alone…

Your rejection eats at him from the inside out. He doesn’t understand why. He’s been really nice to you! Is it because he hasn’t spent enough time with you?!

Pure Vanilla concludes that he just needs to spend more time with you. But there’s one issue…

He’s unsure how to start up a conversation with you after your rejection…

That is until you get injured and go to him for help… Pure Vanilla gets… an idea…

What if.. he injured you so you’d see him more? Well he knows that sounds awful and it is but he won’t actually hurt you! Just kinda make things happen so you’d get injured? It’s complicated…

Pure Vanilla would never dream of doing anything to harm his darling! So he will just… incite the incident.

Maybe your floors are a bit too slippery and you break your wrist or you get a really bad cut from a loose nail.

Any of that could be treated to by you or someone else, but usually to ur injuries are a big more in the “in need of aid” side of stuff. Good thing Pure Vanilla is the best healer around!

After a while, Pure Vanilla teaches you how to do some basic healing stuff, like small cuts and minor burns.

This just leads to Pure Vanilla injuring himself so you can heal him… You ask why he can’t do it himself and he says he has to save energy.

Over all, you both are in a cycle of getting constantly hurt and healing each other…

Please see that this isn’t normal. It’s not safe for either of you and leave…

Hollyberry

Hollyberry is honestly shocked. I mean, she can give you a lavish lifestyle and you two seem like good friends, so your rejection was very shocking

Hollyberry starts to drink too much berry juice. It gets to the point that Wildberry or other family members to take the juice away from her

Once she goes somewhat back to normal, she probably is the best ancient to reject since she would rather have a friendship over nothing

But that doesn’t mean she won’t have over protective moments with you, like if Pitaya dragon comes around, she will either make sure you are no where close or right next to her.

And she might starts drinking again if her mental state gets particularly bad. All Hollyberry wanted was to feel your arms wrap around her in a loving embrace…

She will also send knights and sometimes her own family to check on you and make sure you’re happy, healthy and safe several times a day and will constantly ask to hang out with you

Like mentioned before this is when her mental state is particularly bad.

Hollyberry will try to impress you by doing some really impressive feats, she feels happy when your concern falls into relief and then praise.

She adores you more than you’ll ever know, but at least she can still have you in her life… even if it’s not the way she wanted…

Dark Cacao

Now, how Dark Cacao reacts to this depends on what point in time this rejection occurs

If it’s after Affogato is banished then you’re done for. But… if you reject him when Affogato is the advisor, you actually will notice this behavior

This is because Dark Cacao turns to his advisor for help. Now don’t get me wrong, Affogato is manipulative and cunning, but even he can see how odd this is. I mean the king is asking if he should kidnap you! How could that not be concerning?!

The advisor will tell the king to relax and he’ll sort everything out, he’ll get you to see reason

Affogato doesn’t do that.

Affogato tells you. This became his concern since you will most definitely get in the way of his goals… and that he’s never seen the king on the verge of doing something this brash before

So when Affogato tells you, it’s best to leave and pretend that you died because you’d be dodging a MASSIVE bullet.

But… if Affogato is not there… Dark Cacao will not take it lightly…

You’ll be threatened with banishment. It doesn’t matter if you take the banishment or not. You’re still getting locked away.

Now Dark Cacao will be nice to you, he still cares for you after all.

Honestly his whole behavior depends on how you are with him.

If you’re on the more cooperative side then you’ll definitely get more privileges rather than if you were uncooperative

You may lose a blanket or two when the nights are particularly cold and maybe less food. It’s not enough to harm you but it’s enough to make you uncomfortable

Dark Cacao is very careful with how he treats you since he doesn’t want to lose you like he lost his son…

You may have a somewhat good chance of convincing others to help you escape but most cookies are either fiercely loyal to the beloved king or are frightened by him…

Golden Cheese

Golden Cheese is quite angry. She has done so much for you and you reject her?! It’s unacceptable

Golden Cheese will try to play it off and will offer you come to her kingdom, but you can tell she’s pissed

It takes a while for her to convince you to follow her. When you do… it’s the worst thing that could happen…

Theres an open, unnamed sarcophagus. You turn around to why Golden Cheese showed you this… only to feel yourself be shoved in

Golden Cheese didn’t want to do this, but if you won’t accept her affection, she’ll make you.

She knows that her digital world can really fuck with someone’s reality. She also knows that it’s wrong to manipulate your reality but she really can’t bear to feel the pain of losing someone she cares for again.

In this digital world, you are made to believe that you love golden cheese, her behavior is normal and are treated like a god

Golden Cheese would want to you leave her digital world after a while but the fear of you hating her for the rest of eternity lays thick in her consciousness..

White Lily

Denial. That’s White Lilys reaction, she says that she understands but she’s just on autopilot. She doesn’t understand

She tried to wrack her brain for answers. The only answer she can come up with is that you didn’t like the person she was,

So her solution? Become a person you’d like.

White Lily stalks you to see what makes you smile, what makes your eyes light up or darken, WHO makes you feel joyous

Over time, White Lily will act like other people you like, she will even style her hair and wear different outfits just to get you to like her

You don’t notice her at first, until she starts to get overwhelming

You have to tell her or well, force her to stop. She won’t stop if you don’t.

[thewardenisonthecase]

Ok I actually want to talk more about Aveline's dialogue post All That Remains because I think it's really well written.

I like that she's the one that talks to Hawke because, even if all the other companions have been through grief in their own ways, Aveline feels like the one who can "handle" it best, in the sense of, she has lost a lot of people. We know both of her parents are dead, her first husband is dead, she saw all her fellow soldiers die at Ostagar, this woman knows grief, it's a very core part of her character. And she's also one of the few characters who has known Hawke the longest, as she came with them from Ferelden.

One thing that I love is that if you choose the dialogue option to say "My mother's dead. My heart is broken", Aveline replies with "I could tell you that at least you knew yours, but that would be more about me than you." and I LOVE that she says this because I see people say some variation of that when another person lost a family member AND IT'S NOT COMFORTING AT ALL.

It's a phrase that always bothered me and she really put it very simply why: because then instead of helping the grieving person, you're making it about yourself. And telling someone who just lost their mother that "at least you knew yours" doesn't make them feel better.

Depending on dialogue options, Aveline then goes on to talk about her father and his last days alive. It's a very touching moment for me because from what I understood, Aveline apparently doesn't talk that much about her father so it's a moment of her opening up but also, I like it as way of like...ok let me rephrase this. Sometimes when someone is hurting, you can comfort them in different ways. You can adress the issue or you can distract them, and I think that's what Aveline is trying to do. She's telling this very personal story to Hawke, showing that she understands how it feels but also it's a bit of a distraction. Maybe talking about Leandra would have hurt more, so she talks about her father instead, and she even apologizes for going off topic.

And then Aveline says a piece of advice that I think is just perfect. She tells Hawke that no one can tell them how to grief and when to move on, and if someone does, tell them "my choice." I think this was just a great thing to end the conversation on, because grief is a messy and complicated thing and everyone grieves differently, but there's also a lot of societal pressure to just "move on", so for her to say that was really important.

Also, I think that like, Aveline feels partially guilty too. There was a murdered on the loose and her guard didn't catch him time and it cost Leandra's life. One of her closest friends is hurting and she could have prevented it. So all she can do now is offer comfort.

[idyllic-affections]

HIII so this might be an odd request,,, mayhaps i ask for kaveh with an older step sibling (since his mom remarried i think).,, i think kaveh would be a little awkward interacting with them at first but they got along in the long run!! esp when they update him about his mom and never really makes him uncomfortable, or always doesn't force a conversation!! he respects his ideals and supports his passion!!

but the main idea was they go to sumeru one day to visit kaveh (they've been informing him thru letters) and accidentally finds out that he's buried under crippling debt and flat out broke!! i think kaveh would feel so ahasmed of himself but!! his older sibling doesn't judge n is very understanding!! helps him with his burdens (if kaveh allows them), maybe recommend his architectural skills to their friends in fontaine!!

idk i just really like the idea of kaveh having an older family member that he could rely on because he really just deserves nice things yk 🥺🥺 even tho they're just step siblings, they feel like true family!!

anyways feel free to ignore this!! have a nice day/night and take ur time!! 💖💖

the blending of two families.

summary. not all step-siblings are like the cruel ones in the fairytales.

trigger & content warnings. references to death and grief. spoilers for kaveh's backstory.

tropes, pairings, fic length, & other notes. fluff, comfort, slight angst. kaveh & older step-sibling!reader. 1k words. they/them pronouns for reader.

author's thoughts. THIS REQ IS LITERALLY SO CUTE WHATSJSGJF??????? i have Feelings about kaveh's mom and they are NOT good ones but i'll be nice to her for the sake of this piece........ /lh i did this in brainrot format because i wanted SOO badly to get this one done relatively quickly this req invaded my brain like a song that gets stuck in your head

kaveh first meets his older step-sibling at his mother's wedding.

he's... happy for her, he really is. or he's trying to be, at least. she deserves nothing but the best. what kind of son would he be if he wanted her to live her life wallowing in grief and sorrow? she's hardly ever done anything to hurt him, and if she ever did, it was unknowingly. he could neved wish anything bad upon her. she simply does not deserve those things. therefore, he's doing his best to be happy for her.

a part of him, however, still misses his father.

a part of him— well, who is he kidding? the entirety of his being still suffers under the weight of grief and guilt caused by the circumstances surrounding his father's death.

he doesn't even know the man his mother has chosen to marry, really. kaveh absolutely does not feel like she is betraying him or his father whatsoever, but... he does wish that he had gotten to know this man a little bit better before having to trust that he would not wound his mother's scarred heart.

the architect doesn't engage with the other guests much. it's unlike him, really, but he finds that he can't muster up the strength and charisma to talk with people beyond simple pleasantries. he keeps to himself for the most part.

still, he doesn't dare dampen the atmosphere with his woes, so when another person approaches him, he offers his warmest smile.

"sorry, i hope you don't mind me asking..." this stranger smiles politely at him. it puts his mind at ease a little. "is the bride your mother? you look an awful lot like her."

"oh, i—" he stammeers inelegantly, then clears his throat. "yes. i am her son, kaveh."

they smile again.

"hello kaveh. i'm [name], the groom's child."

"oh. oh! i am so sorry, i had no idea!"

"it's alright, really. you mind if i stick around for a while?"

and kaveh finds that he doesn't. he doesn't mind at all.

the architect has been known to be loose-lipped about his troubles; that in and of itself is part of the reason why he spent the night withdrawn from the celebration. he had no intention of being open about his troubles, and yet...

his step-sibling had the sort of face that made him want to rant, and rant he did.

"i can understand that," they mused thoughtfully, kind eyes observing his expression closely. "it's complicated. grief is never easy. i get it."

initially, they were the one lingering around kaveh, but by the end of the night, the tables have certainly turned. he is practically attached at their hip.

he finds that their understanding presence ended up raising his low spirits.

a few days later, kaveh has to return to sumeru—he does have responsibilities, after all—but he's a bit sad about it! they're, of course, there to reassure him that they plan on visiting someday soon. maybe he can show them around? the prospect alone is very thrilling to him, and what's better is that he'll get to show off his magnum opus like an excited toddler showing off a drawing they made! he does warn them that it is very humid and they need to be prepared, though.

until they can visit, kaveh regularly exchanges letters with them. he complains about his terribly annoying roommate and how awful his taste in interior design is. he tells them about random gossip he heard at the tavern. honestly, he just rambles. it's endearing, really, and in return, they tell him about fontaine and maybe sneak in just the smallest bit of gossip about a certain chief justice or even about the hydro archon herself.

(in the future, closer to when the traveler arrives in fontaine, they do not dare tell kaveh about the heightened fatui activity. goodness, the poor thing would worry to death for theirs and his mother's safety.)

when they do finally have the time to come visit...

they arrive by boat in port ormos, and kaveh is there to pick them up!

he's got a lot of things he intends to show them and a lot of people he intends on introducing them to. on the way back to sumeru city, he stops a few times, pointing out some particularly beautiful locations or animals, all of which would have his siblimg absolutely over the moon. sumeru in general would have them enamored.

the air in sumeru is so... clean compared to fontaine, and the fauna and flora—it's completely different than what they've seen.

now, as for [name] finding out about kaveh's crippling debt... i think they would suspect something was off financially for him, simply because of certain mannerisms of his. he's careful with what he spends his mora on. he tries to be, at the very least, and his caution is very evident. or maybe they're just observant? either way, they know something is a bit off.

kaveh leaves them at alhaitham's home for a while.

it's not that they're one to snoop—it's disrespectful and rude to do so, they are very much aware of this—but a letter would catch their eye.

a letter detailing what he still owes to dori.

suddenly, things make sense in their mind.

they don't try to ask his roommate about it. instead, they wait until he's home and alone with them.

"kaveh," they call. "are you in debt?"

his heart sinks a little. so much for hiding it...

"i..." he hesitates, obviously embarrassed, but he does come clean. in their eyes, he looks like a kicked, pouty puppy. "it's... complicated. i mean, you're not wrong..."

"aw, kaveh, don't look like that," they coo, reaching out to gingerly squeeze his shoulder in a gesture of gentle reassurance. "it's nothing to be ashamed about. things happen, kaveh. life happens. i understand if not, but... will you let me help you out? at least a little bit?"

regardless of what he says, whether he admits that he could use the help or insists that they shouldn't have to do that, they do still go around and tell people about their super awesome and talented step-brother! and when kaveh asks in a letter about the suspicious amount of commissions he's getting from fontaine...

nope! they have no idea how those people found out about him. <3

please consider reblogging, it helps me out quite a lot!

[neolynne]

Pit Babe episode 10 rewatch/live commentary (part 1)

Who is ready for some heartbreak ? Not me

So i guess that every one just hs the code of Alan's front door

Hi Winner !

Why don't you just listen to him....

Again, Dean stopping what he was doing to listen to the drama

Everyone just assuming that Charlie is overreacting, when there is a 99% change of Babe dying in this race, if Charlie and Jeff plan doesn't work....

If only it was just that

Yeah, he never said that

Hearing that when he was just trying to protect him...

And once again, Babe's pride get between them

And here to, they have three racer (Babe, Charlie and Dean)....so why couldn't Alan just let both Daan and Charlie race back in ep 6 ?

How much Babe's gonna regret not looking at Charlie.....

You know it's gonna be bad if Jeff himself initiate the hug

Cute ☺️

I don't think that Dean had anticipated such a big crash

I can even imagine what Jeff is feeling, not knowing if Charlie will really be able to make it

Alan just looking at Jeff while talking to Babe

Why did you take his helmet off ??????

And why did they have to put this phrase from Charlie over this scene 😭😭😭

Dean putting his arm around North shoulder and then

Babe hearing Charlie's last heartbeat......

I will never be able to get over this sentence

and then the kisses

I guess that wasn't the plan , hm Dean ?

Same goes for Kenta, he never wanted to loose a brother this way.

Also, can we take a moment to talk about Kenta. He's loyal, i dare say devoted to Tony, his "father" more than any other child. He's aware of Tony's plan for them and yet he want his "brother" to come back home. Because it's what his father want, yes but also because when they left (mainly Pete and Babe) they have abandoned him. Left him to bear the burn of Tony's anger. And maybe, if they come back, every think will be okay again...he will be okay again.

And right now, he not only lost a brother but he know what await him back home

Fuck you Tony

Tony is a text book abuser, for sure, but would you categorize him as an Narcissistic pervert ?

They took such good care of him, changed his clothes, probably washed him a little....

What i really love about Babe and most of the X hunter members is that they not only give and take confort by physical touch, but they let themself be vulnerable around each other. Take Babe for exemple ; at first, he may act like a jerk with other, but with the people close to him, he's not afraid to give physical attention. And it's even more present when he's with Charlie (the hug, the kiss......). Then you have the tears. Not just once, but multiple times. Babe/Pavel gave us sad tears, happy tears, angry tears.....

And this scene illustrate that perfectly. And it also show how much they care about each other

One more digression before going back to the episode, but this series really showcase a good exemple of "found family". Yes there is pain and betrayal but there is also love and friendship. Look at North and Sonic : yes they are part of X hunter, but racing doesn't seem to be their main goals. So when all the shit with Tony started, they could have easily say "not our problem" and left. Yet, both choose to stay, to actively take part in the whole "taking tony down" plan, going as far as helping a rival, even if they ended being hurt. Why ? Because they're good people and because they love their little family.

We don't know anything about their life, but i wouldn't be surprised if there was a pattern on how Alan got his little core team (Way, Babe, North, Sonic, Dean). Like, Babe came to him after leaving Tony, with nothing except his dream of being a racer. And look how he just took Kim in, (almost) no question ask, he didn't even ask him to help get ride of Tony........

And now we can go back to being sad with Babe

Why does Topten hand look so big on Pavel waist ? (now i really need to make some specific post about everybody hands in this series, because it's marvellous)

As someone with sensitive sense of smell, hearing and who experienced some sensory overload, this scene almost was physical painful

I love how Sonic gently touch Babe

Don't do this to me, i'm already sad enough

Just because you can doesn't mean that you should !

🥹🥹🥹

And once again he is alone in this house which, I think, was never truly a home for him

No Babe, you didn't

I keep looking at Dean expression during the funeral....and you can see the guilt and some disbelief in his face

I also really like Sonic butterfly necklace (a symbols of growth, rebirth, and good luck)

...

There is also a butterfly flying by when Babe says that he miss Charlie. It's probably a coincidence, but i find it fitting for the story

The fact that Dean keeps looking at charlie’s grave

And yet you left Babe alone!

Also the fact that he only mention North and Sonic says a lot about Dean place in this whole situation.

I really thought Jeff was going to tell Alan the truth about Charlie....

I'm stopping here for this one.....

[randomfoggytiger]

X-Files Collector's Edition: Beefy Revival Mulder (and Other Muscular Mentions)

Anon from three days ago, rejoice!-- for I have scrounged my fic collection (took me all three of those days) to find every single fic that focuses on, alludes to, or slightly mentions Mulder in his levelled-up Revival physique. (Most of these stories are not exclusively about Mulder's muscles, but there will always be a mention or an implication hidden somewhere within.)

Loose chronological order below~.

ThatWALKERKid's

Of all the things this unremarkable house has seen

Breakup Mulder jogs his property, mulling on his misery.

Coffee. It’s always better with you

Mulder always meets Scully's coffee needs.

@baronessblixen‘s (Ao3) 

Prompt season 10-11

Breakup Fox "I'm doing okay without you" Mulder somehow twists that sentence around to his benefit, luring Scully inside the UH.

@adrianne68/2momsmakearight's (WBM)

48. “Why does it hurt so much?”/For Better or For Worse

Mulder and Scully are afraid to return to the FBI; and both relive their past fears and vow not to repeat those mistakes.

@msrafterdark (Ao3)

Unnamed (Ao3)

Scully really, really likes Mulder's new "improvements."

@hemisphaeric's (Ao3) Mulder you need new clothes

Scully is amused over Mulder's "trying on old suits in preparation for getting his job back" antics.

@oohnotvery/@timshel901/the_eternal_optimist's Yours and Mine

Mulder and Scully are investigating a case where close work colleagues end up forgetting each other. Of course, they're intercepted, drugged, and kidnapped the minute their plane touches down.

@scapegrace74-blog's (Ao3) Fictober Day 10, Theme: Suits

Scully is exasperated to become Mulder's suit consultant... particularly because he's upset to have gone up a pant size.

OnlyFoxMulder/FoxyFoxMulder's

Jealousy

When Mulder realizes Scully is jealous of a younger woman, he is quick to reassure her that she hasn't aged or faded.

The Truth They Both Know - Chapter 4

Post Robot Episode Mulder drags out his shattered family's photo albums; and is touched by Scully's ensuing confessions.

FridaysAt9's Happy Birthday, Scully!

Mulder gets he and Scully off work to celebrate her birthday.

contradiction_to_nature's (Ao3) Fic: Liminal

Post the Werelizard, Mulder wants to know if Scully considers him still "hers." He then baits-and-switches with fraternization rules.

Defnotmeyo’s (WBM, Alt. WBM) Riptide

Post Home Again Mulder is given advice from all members of Scully's family, their love and concern for her outweighing their dislike of him.

Big_Blue's New Beginning

Post Home Again Mulder cares for Scully after she's injured on a case, comforting and soothing her after nightmares.

JenAndrews's

The Fires of Babylon

Post Babylon Mulder is sappily grateful that Scully is here with him; and both apologize while his memories run rampant, connecting their past to their present.

Rainbow Umbrella

Finale Scully has a vision of their daughter and Mulder buying an umbrella in the future; and that premonition secured her faith and steadied herself and Mulder through his anxieties over her possible pregnancy and its confirmation.

@debbierhea/thexfilesbabe/i-am-alittle-on-edge (WBM) missing

Post My Struggle III Mulder is worried when Scully wishes she had died and breaks down crying. Both linger in a sad, comforting moment.

@perfectmagnet's After William, All Things

Post Ghouli Mulder asks Scully if she'll move back; and feels whole for the first time while they swing on the porch.

@fbismostunwanted1158/ElizabethJaneway1158's

Missed Steps - Chapter 1

Post Robot episode Scully tweaks her ankle while running around. Mulder tries to find easy topics to discuss while the two "geezers" navigate their path around her injury.

Bridges

While on a case, Scully gets a nosebleed, breaking through Mulder's panic by reminding him of similar incidences at other locations with high altitudes.

WordsSpillFromMyOpenVeins_89's

Maybe There's Hope - Chapter 2

Post Finale Mulder cradles little baby hope in his arms.

@thespookyintrovert/PiecesOfScully's

A Good Day (Tumblr)

Post Finale William was (is) proven to be Mulder and Scully's child; and both are happy despite the bittersweet circumstances.

paranormalbouquet's a beat in time

AU-- Finale Scully remembers her and Mulder's words in Bellefleur; and decides to tell him about her pregnancy before he goes on his latest madcap search.

@o6666666's (Ao3) Untitled MSIV fix-it fic

AU-- Finale Mulder watches, helpless, as Scully jumps into the pier after her son. Jackson ends up doubling back to save her.

@paperheartsarts/Paper_hearts_and_homemade_arts's A Name

Post Finale Mulder is assured that he is loved (despite his first name); but it was all a sympathy ploy for his pickup line.

@monikafilefan/MonikaFileFan's

Language of Love: Prompts of Angst and Romance - Chapter 4

Post Finale Mulder is sympathetic and amused by Scully's various pregnancy complaints.

A Merry Little Christmas Now

Post Finale Mulder spends Christmas re-memorizing, enjoying, and missing his family with Scully.

One Spooky All Hallows' Eve (Tumblr)

Post Finale Mulder is going above and beyond for his daughter's first Halloween; and Scully ends up patching up his and Jackson's and their daughter's messes.

@storybycorey's (Ao3, FFN) It's A Brand New Day

Post Finale Scully has constant run-ins with various "Dawn"s throughout her life; and ends up honoring that legacy with her daughter's name.

@mappingthexfiles/Apostrophic's Meg

Post Finale Mulder has fun keeping his partner's pouty, wandering eye in-check; which prepares him for the lusty, cantankerous attitude his little girl exhibits.

RoseThornhill's Alice is a Punk Rocker

Post Finale Mulder soothes his LOUD little girl with wild songs (to Scully's unending amusement.)

@gaycrouton/OnlyTheInevitable's In Her Eyes

Post Finale Mulder's heart grows every day with both of his loving little redheads, one who thinks he'll die without red hair and the other who can always cure him.

WildwingSuz/Suzanne Feld's Deja Vu (Ao3)

AU-- Mulder recalls the time Scully had tracked down, observed the Van de Kamps, transitioning the conversation away from heavier topics into a back-and-forth about non-proposals.

allthistime's i think i know you from somewhere

AU-- Revival Scully and 93 Scully briefly swap places, fascinating their Mulders; and both Mulders return the favor by validating and reassuring their partners.

Thank you for reading~

Enjoy!

[therealslimshakespeare]

Maureen loosing much of the abilities that enabled her to succeed in her job and build up her self confidence as a valuable member of team on top of getting her hands massacred and loosing that symbol and testament of her hard work, is just brutal punch to the gut. I know that germans could not know if she really forgot something or if she was simply refusing to divulge any information, but it almost feel intentional to also put so much focus in their torture on her hands. Even tho it probably wasn’t. I simply cannot imagine how useless, lonely and truly beaten down one must feel to loose something that’s always supposed to be yours. And something that ties her to one of the most important people in her life (if not all of them, because without those skills she would not be assigned to the 100th). It’s such unfair fate to loose your knowledge and skills, things that take years to gain and hone. No wonder she broke down. I mean, she was raised in an environment that didn’t respect her, did not see her value beyond pretty face, only to get an opportunity to get out of there and prove to herself and others that she does matter, she is valuable and smart and than to have that ripped away from her??? First of all you love torturing her. And second of all, that’s something that would send me to a psych ward if I were in her place. And to get up from that, and try to be better, to help out and care for others. That’s a proof of incredible strength and kindness. All your girls are insanely strong and admirable, but there’s a reason she and Ida are my favourites. I know that this ask is already very long and convoluted and probably nonsensical, but if I may actually ask one question. Do those memories and skills come back and if so, how? What would trigger potential return of this knowledge?

Gosh yeah, those skills are the same as Lu’s own set for why Maureen too is a lieutenant, and like we’ve both been screaming back and forth, 🤓 it’s a field in which Maureen has succeeded despite all odds or expectations against her and that’s precious to her. Rightfully so. And due to an abusive past, the robbery of that capability hurts and effects her worse than even her own abuse.

And while the hands may have not been utterly intentional (but maybe they were) the demand for those mathematical formulas was, and the fact she loses it out of sheer consistent determination not to give them up is such a sad testament to her integrity, tbh.

Like damn girl, don’t be sad, be proud !!- Ida Brady probably

As for your tummy question: some of it does but never fully and it remains a mild embarrassment for much of her life when she struggles to even calculate a tip when she used to ace algebra. In the other hand the amnesia brings back some childhood memories she never remembered before and they drive her nuts in the stalag. They also inform her determination to never fully reconnect with her family. And to question the story about her mother.

This math issue is half of Gale’s sour for teaching calculus in the stalag as a way to pass the time. It’s mildly futile but the fact he wants to work on it with her and together with Lu’s interests in it, they make a sweet trio pouring over their books

[tylerfound]

The new introduction for my character, Tyler.

Hi, I'm Vea. I'm 26 she/they, and this is Tyler! Tyler's from a Purgatory roleplay which was built from the ground up with me, my best friend, and our other friend at the time. Various people have characters or such though, now (through the last... Two years? It's existed.) Sometimes we grow inactive, if we're in another group project. Currently, I'm alone and that's resulting in Tyler being alone and ready for a new group project! I'm excited to be here for however long, I was happy interacting with my friend (Minnie's mod!) but I'm ecstatic to interact with all the other characters now I'm here!

Name: Tyler. Not his birth name. Age: He died on his 6th birthday, so he's eternally 6 I suppose, but he's probably more matured [mentally]. Maybe around 10 [mentally]? Maybe. [but he's also existed for a couple thousand years now, so he might have wisdom. Maybe. <3 Gender: He's a mouse now, but he was a little girl when he was alive. Year: He died around 1893 [neglect, starvation] and is eternally hungry. No known effects are seen in the other Purgatory's Children; so his hunger might be psychological trauma induced, rather a typical feeling in Purgatory. [The feeling of one's cause of death.] Why does he bite people? Trauma response due to his [unknown length of] time in Hell. He never knew affection when he was mortal, and he was alone in Purgatory until he met Pride. The affection he saw in Hell wasn't what we typically refer to as affection. [He was not hurt himself. Nor did he see much first hand. He saw enough, and he saw Pride's reaction.] [Long story of why Pride wasn't being treated as one of the 7 deadly sins, and instead was a prisoner during this time.] Tyler scratches, kicks, bites, while he is hugged and squished until calmed. He's learning more to not harm others when they're upset, however.

Why does he love moss? Consume moss for [the feeling of a full stomach] hydration, when he was alive. Then the moss came, and consumed his body. The body that was all wrong, anyway. He never understood the appeal of having a body. Not until the Moss.

Moss? If you take a close look, feel his fur- Is that moss? How thick is the moss? How deep does the moss go? Is it all moss? Moss? Moss? Moss. Any mod questions, address Vea. (: Thank you! Oh, more about Tyler's FAMILY! Here's a link to Millie's blog, it might help explain a little. At least, it has all of the [family members that have blogs] Family, to make it easy! A lot of pages are WIP currently, and I know it might LOOK like it'll be that way forever, but now that I'm here, they'll totally come back and update them! (... Right?) (<3) (Yeah they will lol) The only person I think is worth mentioning that isn't on Millie's page is the Wisp, a Void Demon. This void demon, recently named Labree, is the Creator of Tyler's universe. Labree is sort of like God and the Devil's creator (parent? god?) Labree has a NEW rp page! I don't believe it's been active yet- Labree is separated from it's mindless self, so it is now it's own entity. It has friends; but I know it's page looks daunting because the mod only just made it's new page, after leaving our last group. So Tyler and Labree are both refugee's currently. However, Labree has the power to (do whatever it wants, create, destroy, timelines, people, universes.) But, we've only done this as Mods. Agreeing to change something in an rp (removing people who leave the group without an outro, tying up loose ends, destroying things we've decided to veto or what not. It's basically a personification of us as Mods into a character. ) So I would suggest if you are going to interact in character, don't antagonize it, but I think Labree might have plans. I felt like mentioning it because I LOVE Labree! So cute! Baby! New to life, first hand! <3 <3 <3 And if anyone ever want's to have fun and needs the Wisp's powers, you know where the Wisp is! We extend it's power everywhere! (With Communication and consent bc It's a last resort, as mods we can just rp however we want. Lol. What I mean to say is the Wisp is not there to abuse it's power and hurt anyone, it will only ever act if all parties are consenting to whatever it is we plan.) I feel silly mentioning Labree. Teehee. ... I'll be honest I'm not sure this is all making sense <3 Okay! ... Anything to add... Anything to add... Not really I don't think anyone would read SO much. 😰 I have something important to say, but I keep blanking... I just KNOW I'm gonna post and remember it! Ugh! Also if you find my main congrats! It's my public page. I have a personal page, too! It's the same as my discord. No one knows my discord. Yet. 👀👀👀👀 (Please love me) (LOL) Oh here's a Song that - GOSH REALLY- I LOVE THIS SONG OK? OKAY SO- Totally Tyler's unofficial voice claim!!! It kinda looks like him too. Look at that THING. Gosh it's so cute! Baby! Baby baby! But it's also Tyler's song. </3 He grew up in a time where it was common to not survive childhood, and he just wants attention! So much! because he never got it. He's finally living his party. Tyler’s pronoun page! Tyler is a ESFP personality type. Lil babey. <3

[lostanddancing]

SKZ-Replay Reaction

This was so much fun. Because I'm so new to Stray Kids and haven't had a chance to listen to much of their older Replay stuff yet, this whole album was 90% new material for me. Such a treat!

These are my first reactions to my initial listen through. I have absolutely no doubt that some of these are going to end up on my 2023 Spotify Wrapped. :D

So darn cute, I love this. The way they hype each other up is heartwarming in the best way.  I also like the use of their voices in this. It gives all of them a chance to shine.

Fun and catchy song. I have a feeling this one is going to get stuck in my head. It's really great to have a full song of Chan's gorgeous voice!

I love this song. I just… As someone who has lost loved ones, and is currently praying a friend through a loss, it speaks to me. I adore how it ends so abruptly. Lee Know's vocals and emotion are heartwrenching.

This song is so Changbin. Hard hitting and giving no quarter, but not with out his humor. With a similar theme to Maniac, but I like that it's focused on creativity. The repetitive "doodle" is a little annoying, but in the context of the song, I don't really mind. I would kill to see him perform this!

Why do they have to keep breaking my heart? There is so much here. I had to go back and re-listen again. There is so much grief and love here.

"Maybe my universe was bright because of you

I never lost my smile in it

But now, in this dark world without stepping on a shadow

Drawing you is my only day"

Damn Han. How did you manage to write a feeling I have struggled with so much in the last few years? I'm at least 20 years older than you. But that feeling of oppression, the desperation to just break loose and leave. The longing to just escape, regardless of the consequences to my family and responsibilities. Ouch.

"If I pretend to be sick, will I be able to sit down?"

Boy, who hurt you? Let me at 'em

Also, that was all Felix? That boy's range is incredible, and I'm going to be listening to that song over and over just because of that alone. It's also just lovely musically. I'm impressed!

This one might be my favorite to listen to so far. Seungmin's voice is just gorgeous, the style and the incorporation of the piano that suits it perfectly. The theme of hanging onto the happy memories even when someone is gone or a relationship is over is lovely. I just need more of his voice in my life. He works hard, and it shows.

Nevermind, this is my favorite to listen to. So sweet, kind, healing after the rough emotional run of the last few tracks. I.N.'s voice is darling. He made me smile. He made me want to go hug someone I love, so I think that's a success.

This is so beautiful. I just can't get over how lovely all of their vocals are. I NEED more vocal work from Changbin and Felix. It also makes me a little sad because fans can be so very unreliable (also thirsty in all the wrong ways), and as sweet as the song is as a love song for the fans, it kind of feels undeserved.

The kind of song that dragged me into loving Stray Kids. Powerful, unapologetic, masculine. I can't help but feel like they've earned this one more since they first released it. Not that they weren't working hard before, but they have proven everything they stated in this song over and over. Also, not to be a Changbin simp, but his growls in this rattled my bones.

Han just has a way of capturing inner monologue and feelings so dang well. This piece brought me back to my very first phone call with my husband. We met online and had never even heard each other's voices before. I was so nervous, I felt JUST like this song describes. Also it's just beautiful, and his voice is so warm it makes me happy.

I've heard this one before, and wow. There's a reason it's a classic among the fans. The theme, the music, Changbin's ability to evoke the raw emotion needed. I am stunned again at how good this one is.

This one hit hard. I have a close family member who has dealt for years with emotionally abusive family relationships. This song sounds so much like the constant battle of love for the person, longing for reconciliation, and resignation to the reality of the brokenness of the relationship. Also, Bang Chan's voice cut deep.

Aside from Han just being phenomenal as always, this is just fun to listen to. I think I need to explore the lyrics more, because they don't hit me personally as hard as some others. Not that it makes the song bad or below par, because it probably does that for others, just not me. I will likely listen to this one a lot because I enjoy the rap and the music, but not as much because I identify with it.

I watched the MV for this without subs and before I had any idea what it was about. It was immediately clear to me that it was about a beloved pet, and it makes me cry. Hyunjin's music and vocals are so beautiful and sweet.

This one is a bit of a whiplash after "Miss You" but I love it. It's so unserious, so funny, and the perfect youngest sibling anthem. I love Changbin's "I raised you that's why you're cute" moment because I've said similar things to my baby siblings many times over the years!

Han hitting the sore spots again. Back off, dude. I need to BREATHE. I found this piece particularly interesting in that the rest of the song absolutely contradicts the intro. I have a lot against the whole "you can be anything you want" trope, and the lyrics just destroyed it. It's hard to be anything you want when what you want is to not be lonely anymore.

I've heard this one before, but I don't think I paid much attention to the lyrics. It's so sweet, so kind. The song I'd sing to my loved ones if I could. Changbin and Felix's voices blend so well together.

"Sometimes I even hesitate to smile brightly

Because I'm afraid that the batteries of the bright light might run out"

This song is so comforting. I love the determination, the insistence on holding someone even during their dark times. These two sound so perfect together!

Pretty sure I've heard this one before too. I know everyone loses loved ones in their lives, so it's stupid to think these boys haven't, but songs like this make me wonder who they lost that hurt so badly. Grief makes for beautiful music, but I wish it didn't have to happen to anyone.

Han, honey. The angst is strong with this one. I don't think they're coming back.

We get it guys, you are insomniacs. :D Seriously though, this is such a fun piece, and I'll be grooving to it a lot!

NOT about driving. But soooo catchy. Such a bop.

One of my favorites to listen to. Just so mellow, and Hyunjin's voice is so warm and delightful. I love his lyricism.

This whole album was such a treat, I have had it on repeat since it came out, and I don't think that's stopping any time soon!

[little-lee-froggie]

So, when I wrote this, I haven’d slept in over 35 hours, and so bring to you a sleep deprived rant on why fruits basket is perfect and I love it. This may contain spoilers, as well as things you might find triggering.‼️ Please read with caution, as I will be taking about abuse a lot in this post‼️

Now with that, it’s time for me to rant about this show

Part one: The phycology

So to start, we have Torou, who comes across as seemingly perfect, almost to perfect. However, this isn’t for just a so-called perfect heroine that’s only problem is that she’s clumsy. Torou takes on the role of the person who takes care of herself and her friends as a response to the trauma of loosing her mom. Helping people, making sure other’s are happy, that is how Torou copes. She does this to be to others what she misses so much, and hopes this will help her be able to burry her sadness away. This isn’t just you cliché cutesy girl main character for a romance anime, she’s so much more then that.

Next, I’ll talk about Yuki’s trauma. He was taught from a young age that he was unlovable, gaslit and manipulated by Akito almost his whole life. He has fear of abandonment because of this and learned how to be this perfectly mannered young man because he’s afraid people will leave him if they know what he’s actually like. Enter Torou, who has this unconditional love for him, no matter what. Throughout the show, he is shown to be getting more comfortable showing his real self because he was shown that he isn’t unlovable. As he learns and grows, he starts to slowly make a start at recovery from Akito’s abuse. With the help of Torou, he feels good about himself, he’s allowing himself to laugh and. It may seem small, but just someone caring and showing love helps a lot In the proses of recovery for Yuki.

Next, Kyo. Kyo had been told from a young age that he was a disgrace to the family because he was the cat spirit, only being accepted by his mother after he sealed away his true form with his bracelet. Even his only friend at the time, Kagura, was afraid of his true form. Even if someone accepted him as the cat, no one had ever accepted his true form. Akito used this as a manipulation tactic to keep Kyo from disobeying. However, his guilt gets worse when his mother commits suicide from the stress of having her child be the cat. Kyo internalizes this, and ends up feeling even worse about himself. Eventually, his master took him in, and Kyo finally felt what it was like to be truly loved by a paternal figure, since his biological father resents him for being the cat spirit and causing the death of his wife. But despite being happy where he his with his master, he refuses to believe that he is worthy of being his master’s son, and gets offended on his masters behalf when referred to as such. Eventually, he goes to live with Shigure, Yuki, and Torou. Torou showed him love as well, unconditional love, and was the only person who not only accepted him no matter what, but also didn’t show any fear, or I guess not let the fear stop her from accepting and being there for Kyo, other then maybe his master. When Kyo’s true form is revealed around the end of season 1, not only does Torou fully accept him, she runs to him despite her fear, despite the fact that she’s afraid of Kyo’s true form. When Kyo sees her after he runs away from the house, he tries to make her not care anymore, afraid that Torou might meet the same fate as Kyo’s mom. Convinced that her caring about him will only hurt Torou. But despite his greatest attempt at making Torou resent him, she stays by his side and helps him turn back from his true form.

Part two: Sweet storyline

So, not only does Torou fully accept Kyo and Yuki for who they are, she actively embraces it, wanting to meet the other members of the zodiac. She shows the same kind of unconditional love to the rest of the zodiacs she meets, becoming a very important part of all of their lives, with my favourite example being Kisa. Kisa was bullied for her appearance, which was the way it was because of her being a member of the zodiac. She stopped speaking, became closed off and protective of herself. But Torou was there, Torou showed her a kind of love and adoration Kisa wasn’t used to, and through that she became very attached to Torou, with every time Kisa goes to visit, we basically only see her not with Torou once after she gets attached to her up to the point I’ve watched to. Torou shows all the members of the zodiac the love they crave, the acceptence they need. Look at Yuki’s relationship with her; Yuki was the first zodiac to become properly acquainted with her, growing to care for her deeply. The only time we see him seem truly happy and himself for most of the show are when he’s with Torou. Yuki is a very closed off person, trying to protect himself and not let anyone get to close, but Torou shows him that he does need to be afraid, that he is able to be loved. It’s a really sweet relationship dynamic, and I love it.

Part 3: Conclusion

This show manages to be so dark, yet so cute and sweet. It goes deep into things like generational trauma, manipulation, abuse, and other dark things, but it still has this happy feel to it, and has genuinely lovely characters with complex emotions and experiences, all of them having stuffed some amount of trauma, and we explore the effects and response of that trauma with them. This show seems like it would be boring or that all the characters would be one-dimensional, but they all have different sides to themselves and really good story building. On the surface, it’s just another romance anime with pretty men and a over clumsy yet cute and domestic girl as the main character, but it’s not. The show isn’t even about romance, really, it’s about how much one person supporting you can help, and how people are so much more then what you see. It’s about unconditional love of all kinds, about giving support to the people you care about. It’s such a well written show, and if this wasn’t enough for you to figure it out, I HIGHLY recommend you watch it if you haven’t already. Even if it doesn’t seem like something you would enjoy on the surface, even if you don’t like anime or romance, you should give it a try because it’s so much more “haha pretty man turn into animal and doesn’t have clothes when he comes back”(which doesn’t happen extremely often), it’s a truly beautiful show, and it goes deep into the phycological effects of abuse, neglect, isolation, loosing parents, generational trauma, and so much more, as well as how to start healing. Seriously, go watch fruits basket, it’s amazing.

[kdjdhdhebx]

WHY????????????????

idk at some point it started with some confusion about not knowing what to think and also i really love people and attention so i would do anything for people validation. but then i kinda also didn't want to filter my friendships liek i had tried to around 15 16 based on that bc i started realising that it happens even if i oppose it, it's supposed to be this way and it's better this way cause like i have parents who support bjp even tho i will murder modi if i can? i have uncle and aunties and family members and neighbours i love but can never make understand about a lot of political issues and will always disagree with. no good humans or bad humans just humans with various experiences and we are all dumb. so why would i filter my friends. it's fine, we all learn and grow... i like it better this way. and i genuinely dont mind i see all points of views, even the ones yall somehwow act like can't be justified. no matter how bad it is it's human and i think we can all find it in ourselves to feel it. yall laugh and say u get murderers all the time, just because a couple people on tumblr said it too u think that's somehow ok but getting racism is somehow extremely inhumane? dont make sense to me. doesn't make any of it right but i get it. i can talk to u ab it. maybe learn and make u learn. if u hurt others actively it's bad i won't respect u that much wont be able to get close to u but doesnt mean i cant talk to u bond over other things idk. lot of times u bond over people u fundamentally disagree withs oemtimes bc u just dont come across so many thing until later. it's the nature of life it's fine. yeah i mostly agree with everything with my best friend, i think it plays major role in why we are close, but liek ngl now that i thinka b it she is mostly an apolitical person even tho my personality is all made around my political opinions and a few years back i always said i hated apolitical people... btu yeah when we talk she tends to agree with most of what i have to say. i dont think i would be able to have my closest friendships with like a super misogyniystic racist guy the way i am friends with my best friends i have rn, cause i think we wont have much to bond over yeah but idk i have some friends i love very much i strongly disagree with but it works somehow i think it's mostly cause they are willing to listen and we all share this 1 attitude of love even if we are all strongly opinionated and stuff i think m actually loosing my friendships with some of my high school friends even tho we agree on everything bc they have that whole i cant forgive u if u dont strongly think and argue everyone who disagrees about this 1 specific issue that actually has a shit ton of nuance fr

[rosewaterdiaries]

were there patterns i was supposed to follow? did i fell of the track? or am i on the same right track i’m supposed to be at? how to change when you don’t know what and what to change to? i wish i could be as grounded as i was over a year ago. things weren’t perfect; a lot of heartbreak and panic, also exhaustion… but in the midst of things i found my inner peace… how did i do that? i remember my life being so simple (not not hard but simple, my outlook on life etc it was so …? organized?) now a lot of things are overwhelming. i remember a lot of things not being the way i want to but me still being okay with being at that moment - i think it’s because i had myself and when you have yourself no matter what happens you don’t collapse, at least not as hard, you have your inner strength to let you stand or stand back up. how did i do that? was it really therapy? was it being minimalistic with the things i owned? i didn’t start to buy more materialistic goods, perhaps not as much as my family members or some of my friends but still- it was quite a change… maybe those things have me a sense of seeming like things are more alright than they should be? but then again some of them do make me happy, feel more softer. so maybe it’s not about buying things but buying things more on a whim and not really using, utilizing then as i used to? i think i should go back to being more meaningful about things that i want and do. also just believing myself, which i find is extremely hard when living with my parents, especially my mom who’s so eager to share all her critique regarding me everyday, even if something good happens, she always has something downgrading to say… it’s like i’m never enough; and when i confront her about it she denies it.. wtf even… i sometimes do miss our family therapy bc even tho it wasn’t perfect and was often used against me, at least sometimes when i brought such things up at least they were confronted, at least they were brought up and i feel like my parents were holding back more… now they don’t and it actually hurts to realize it was all for a show, all just to make an illusion as far as family therapy went… it’s different compared to me bc i always act accordingly to my own compass, very often if not always thinking about an imaginary moral audience watching me as if it was a movie - imagining everyone i know would seeing me act as certain way and thinking of i would regret it often leads my decision of whether to do something or not. that’s why i’m embarrassed about less things as compared to how i used to. my parents want me to feel regret and embarrassment and remorse as if it was a rule, no matter what i would do, the second there are hard emotions and an argument, blindly following that imaginary awful guidebook i have to apologize and say i was wrong (too). it’s sick, and i’m starting to loose that fresh perspective i had a week ago after coming home from a trip. i think a therapist could help; but i so don’t want to start having conversations about money with my parents but that seems to be the only way to get out and start making my own, start re establishing myself the person i am outside of my family, because i’m so much more than that?!

[a-little-unsteddie]

not to ‘my family had exchange students throughout my entire high school experience, so i know in theory how it works’ all over this post but—

some of this is (loosely) inspired by my own experience with exchange students—especially the first one i had

Wayne used to be an emergency placement home, before Eddie moved in when he was 14. He had to stop because it was a two bedroom trailer and one was his and the other was Eddie’s. He stopped, because he didn’t have the room anymore, but he stayed in touch with the Coordinator, Mrs. Byers, that focused on placements and worked with students to make sure they had a good time while they were in America. He’s sad, of course, but such is life and he had his nephew from then on, so he was happy.

Cue four years later— Eddie is in his second go around for senior year, and he’s struggling a bit. It’s about mid October, so realistically the school year has barely gotten into full swing when Wayne gets a phone call from a desperate Joyce.

“Joyce, you know them kids need whole rooms to themselves—it’s why I had to quit takin’ them in, for Christ’s sake.”

“I know, Wayne, but it’s only temporary until we find a permanent solution for him to stay. If he’s not out by the twentieth, then he has to go back to Italy.” Joyce explains, which just makes Wayne’s heart hurt, so he sighs and agrees.

“Okay, fine. I’ll talk to Eddie n’see how he feels about it. I’ll call ya back.”

After talking to Eddie—“Uh, duh, Wayne. We’ll make it work.”—Wayne calls Joyce back to confirm and then Stefano arrives literally two days later, suitcases in hand. The Munsons have both spent the last 48 hours deep cleaning as much of the trailer as they could, especially Eddie’s room, since that’s most likely where Stefano will be staying until they find a better placement for him.

Eddie and Stefano get along like a cat and dog at first, but eventually warm up to each other after spending a few days adjusting to their new situation. The first dinner they have all together ends with the smoke alarm going off for several minutes, but that seems to solidify their bonding to each other more. Wayne is very apologetic, but Stefano insists it’s the best food he’s had since leaving Italy, which immediately wins some brownie points with Eddie.

At first, Eddie offers Stefano his bed—with plans of taking the couch—but Stefano refuses unless Eddie joins him because that’s his bed, he shouldn’t have to give it up for Stefano, and even though Eddie insists it’s fine if he does, he continues to press Eddie until he relents to sharing the bed, admitting he didn’t want to give up his bed.

The first week of school goes by—filled with midnight talks with boxed mac and cheese because for some reason Stefano is obsessed and Eddie is also, so it works out. And Eddie had already cancelled one week of Hellfire, so he knew that the kids wouldn’t let him cancel another week and thus—Stefano meets the kids. Eventually this leads to Stefano moving in w party member of your choice (personally either Henderson’s or Sinclair’s), and the following jealousy that Eddie feels because of this.

They’re still close even after Stefano has moved to his permanent placement, and eventually get together and Stefano ends up in the united states to do his university schooling as well, with Eddie moving to where Stefano goes to university with him and they live happily ever after.

(maybe one day i could write a full fic of this, but i really shouldn’t)

I'm a sucker for Italian Steve so here's THIS

What about foreign exchange student Stefano Harrington who moves in with the Munson's for the school year.

This would be so cute y'all think about it. Steve being so excited and confused about American "culture" and the whole time Eddie's like "I wanna marry this dude".

And in this Eddie would be the kids' babysitter so they all meet Steve for the first time and they kids think he's so cool and Eddie is high key jealous of him.

And the biggest perk....there was only one bed.

(Logistically this makes no sense but I love it anyway)

[ratsoh-writes]

I think this is the last one?

I can't find the ask, BUT I remember what it said.

SO is soulbonded with the skeleton, therefore their lifespan is very long. But this also means that they have to watch die friends and family. This takes a tool in their mental health. And one day they break down, in their grief and sadness, they scream at their soulmate:

"CALM DOWN!? I saw my sister die damm it!, my friend are dead and I just got a message saying that my niece's son is gonna have their secod kid! and you want me to calm the FUCK DOWN!?"

SO does not regret soulbonding, they eventually apologise and say that they need to go to therapy.

Mafiafell, Outertale, Lustale, Gastertale and Fellswap red

Butch: big f*cking deal. Yes, people die, it sucks. He watched his mum die, so many friends die. Butch doesn’t soul bond easy, he warned you this would happen. He doesn’t handle being yelled at well and doesn’t soften for SOs sake until they apologize. Butch is so used to loss it’s hard for him to emphasize

Boss: he feels terrible, but he knows there’s not anything he can do to make SO feel better except be there for them. Boss doesn’t like therapists, but if his SO thinks it’ll help, he’ll jump right in with them

Pluto: he’s the one who suggests a therapist. Pluto never makes a huge decision without plenty of research. And that involves his soulbond too. He wanted to make sure his human would be perfectly fine and encouraged them to talk to someone when it finally started being obvious their human friends were aging without them

Jupiter: he hates being yelled at, but he’s not holding it against his SO this time. He feels bad like he should’ve noticed sooner how much their lifespan was effecting them.

Charm: this is exactly why he was so worried about soul bonding with anyone. What if SO resents him now? Charm doesn’t know if he could handle that. Soul bonding them was the hardest and best decision he ever made. He’s terrified of loosing that. Charm should probably talk to someone too

Sugar: sweet sweet sugar is SOs rock right now. He doesn’t care that they’re directing their hurt at him. He is patient and kind with SO until they’re ready to talk. Sugar is a saint

G: like Pluto, he anticipated this and has a few trusted doctors he recommends for this. They’re the same ones green has directed some patients to, for family members who don’t have much time left.

Green: this hits especially hard because he knows he’s going to outlive his brother by a lot. As a monster born with dimming, G will be lucky to reach his 500s. Not the full 700 a monster expects. Seeing his SO in therapy will push green to consider maybe he should start anticipating his own future

Lord: he’s very nervous about therapists and will want to go with SO. At least for the first bit. It might do him some good as well. He got attached to SOs family and misses them badly too

Mutt: he’s not bothered at all that SO yelled at him. Mutt takes it in stride and lets himself be the verbal punching bag until they’re done. Their words don’t hurt, and he understands the need to let it out sometimes.

[therealvinelle]

Hi, I was reading a post here in Tumblr about how Edward has two gifts, he can hear thoughts and is super fast, so I wonder what is your opinion about this topic?.

Furthermore, what others power might the Volturi's leaders and guards might have?

Edward has one gift, and it’s telepathy. Being fast isn’t a gift.

Strength, speed and even senses is varied among vampires. Some, like Emmett, are on the extreme end, but that doesn’t make Emmett gifted, nor does it mean that the rest are at an equal level. The Cullens have clear variations between them.

Physique appears to play a dominant role in how these variations play out: Alice, who was malnourished and never made it past 4′10″, is the physically weakest of the coven, while Emmett at 6′5″ and a mountain of muscles is the strongest. This is made very clear during the baseball game:

“Emmett was hovering close to third (base), knowing that Alice didn’t have the muscle to outstrip Rosalie’s fielding." (Midnight Sun, chapter The Game)

There’s also the fact that it’s taken for granted that Emmett would be intimidating to other vampires, and he is dismayed when James is more worried about Jasper, who is lean.

I suspect this disparity exists simply because a large frame means more tissue to have blood in. Newborns, animal, and human-eating vampires all having a difference in terms of strength is proof that blood has the final say in a vampire’s prowess, so Emmett being able to contain more of it than Alice and therefore being stronger makes sense to me.

This isn’t the meta for me to get into that, but I don’t think vampires have muscles in the sense we do. Or rather, we can’t know that they do. Renesmée is proof that Edward retains his human DNA, or she would be a clone of Bella. Nahuel is proof that Joham retains a Y-chromosome. Does this mean that vampires have different cell types? Does a vampire’s stone-like skin still contain human DNA? One would think yes - except, if you rip a vampire apart, you get rubble. The parts are all solid. There’s also Carlisle theorizing that vampires digest blood by absorbing it through porous tissue, which makes me wonder why he dismissed his digestive system (my guess: vivisection fun times with Aro in Volterra. Carlisle couldn’t have done it on his own, and Aro is the only one mad and curious enough to be down for that). I’m getting off-topic - what I’m saying is, we don’t know how vampires work, meaning I can’t build this meta off of the assumption that they have muscles. I simply can’t know for sure that they do.

The important thing is that a vampire’s physique is a deciding factor in how strong they are.

There’s also Laurent’s warning about James, that he has “unparalleled senses”, meaning some vampires are better at sight, hearing, and smell than others. I can believe that, because we have canon examples of vampires being bad at tracking.

There’s Edward in Port Angeles, who couldn’t track Bella’s, his singer, scent to her location, and (I admit this one is conjecture but it’s so probable that I say it goes) Carlisle’s creator, who after taking care of the mob must have realized he’d bitten one of the humans, meaning a newborn would soon be loose in London. This is punishable by death by the Volturi. The fact that he didn’t return to finish Carlisle off means that he was unable to find him. I remind the audience that Carlisle was bleeding and suffering the effects by a venom intended to paralyze the victim. To put it this way, Carlisle wouldn’t have survived James, or anybody with a trace of tracking competence. By comparison, Carlisle was able to locate a dying Rosalie by the smell of her blood, even though there wouldn’t have been a trail for him to follow, as her body had not been moved.

When it comes to these disparities in strength and speed among the Volturi, I imagine Jane and Alec are the physically weakest members of the guard, and among the slowest. They’re prepubescent, meaning no muscle for them, and their height (a humble 4′8″ and 4′10″) implies very short legs. They’re simply not going to get as far as an adult would, not in the same number of steps. Renata at 5′0″ is another tiny vampire lady who likely isn’t very strong or fast.

That’s not to say I think these physically weaker members of the Volturi guard are necessarily useless in hand-to-hand combat, Alec at least is a boy stuck in a playful age, and the males around him are trained warriors. He’s probably picked up a few things over the years.

As for the others, Aro is described as frail-looking, which hints at him being quite thin. I don’t think he’s weak, if he couldn’t win a fight he wouldn’t be around, but I do think he’s probably below average in terms of strength. Caius I picture as a Harrison Ford type, so of course I’m gonna think he’s a bit burly, but this is me headcanoning and not actually hinted at in canon. Marcus is 19, so I imagine he can only be so strong.

Back to Edward’s speed.

He’s a 6′2″ teen, that’s code for “very long legs”, though I’m actually going to go ahead and posit that he’s not actually that fast. Strap in for this next part:

The guy was a teenager who lay dying for an undisclosed amount of time. The fact that Carlisle had the time to get to know his mother points to a few weeks, at least. And Edward was very ill:

Elizabeth worried obsessively over her son. She hurt her own chances of survival trying to nurse him from her sickbed. I expected that he would go first, he was so much worse off than she was. (New Moon, page 21)

Muscles atrophy quickly, never more so than when you’re a teen ravaged by fever, on your deathbed. And as I’ve explained above, I think your physique in life ties directly into your vampiric prowess.

I think Edward is certainly the physically weakest of the male Cullens, quite likely weaker than Rosalie as well, maybe even Esme.

Now, speed is not the same as strength. However, for humans, the two are connected. It’s the muscle fibers in our legs that determine our speed. Basically, type I fibers make an enduring runner, type II fibers make a speed runner. So, assuming that vampires retain their human musculature, one could argue that Edward had a lot of type II in life. However, Carlisle when he was human was able to outrun the mob he was with:

He ran through the streets, and Carlisle — he was twenty-three and very fast — was in the lead of the pursuit. (Twilight, page 158)

Carlisle clearly had a lot of type II fibers, and unlike Edward he was in peak physical condition when he died. He was also an adult who’d had more time to develop musculature, while Edward was a seventeen-year-old. If musculature was a deciding factor, one would think they would at the very least be of equal speed, though realistically Edward should be slower.

So, if it’s not muscles, what is it that makes Edward faster than the others?

It could be a matter of technique. Except, the way Bella describes movement when she wakes up as a vampire, it’s all very automated. Her body knows exactly how to do everything, and executes it without much input from her:

After that first frozen second of shock, my body responded to the unfamiliar touch in a way that shocked me even more.

Air hissed up my throat, spitting through my clenched teeth with a low, menacing sound like a swarm of bees. Before the sound was out, my muscles bunched and arched, twisting away from the unknown. I flipped off my back in a spin so fast it should have turned the room into an incomprehensible blur—but it did not. I saw every dust mote, every splinter in the wood-paneled walls, every loose thread in microscopic detail as my eyes whirled past them.

So by the time I found myself crouched against the wall defensively—about a sixteenth of a second later—I already understood what had startled me, and that I had overreacted. (Breaking Dawn, page 251-252)

Growling, crouching - those are all distinctly vampiric, non-human ways to act. Bella didn’t learn this, her body knew it of its own accord. When she later runs, she explains it as happening the same way - she just does it.

The way Bella experiences it, vampiric movement is like a package she downloaded, and that executes her instinctual commands with no need for her to actually know how to do any of this. Her grace is another example of this - Bella Swan may be in charge of her own consciousness, but the venom is entirely in control of her body.

Given these facts, I don’t think it’s technique that makes Edward a better runner than others. His technique is likely similar to everyone else’s. If it isn’t, if technique is what makes the difference, then who is and isn’t fast is an arbitrary process.

With that, we get to my controversial theory about why Edward is the fastest Cullen: he’s not.

Running and being fast is the only thing about vampirism that Edward enjoys. This is for another meta, but Edward is extremely depressed about every single other bit of it. Every aspect of being a vampire torments him.

Except the running. He enjoys all of it, especially being the fastest, so much. And as a newborn, he would have been faster than Carlisle.

But after that, when his newborn strength faded…

I honestly think that Carlisle decided to just slow down a bit when running with him, let Edward have this. It’s no skin of his back, and it makes Edward happy, so why not.

Esme joins the family, and of course she would be down for this. Nothing is more parental, more maternal, than losing at checkers to make your child happy, after all. Could also be she’s not very fast herself, but even if she were then she would downplay it to make Edward feel like Jesse Owens.

Enter Rosalie, who would think it’s completely ridiculous, yes, but she would also recognize this excellent opportunity to call in a big favor from Carlisle later on. There’s also the fact that I think Carlisle has a gift (yes, yes, meta is coming, people) that makes him very persuasive people. And also that for all that Rose gets a lot of bad rep, she is very generous and loves her family, if being fast makes Edward happy then alright.

Emmett is an easy-going guy, he goes along with things. Alice adores Edward and would go along with it. She also has tiny matchstick legs and couldn’t outrun him if she tried. Jasper could not care less.

Bella does get outrun by Edward after waking up, but she also did zero exercise in life (listing this in case musculature matter), had Renesmée devour her from within rendering her emaciated, and then died like a slasher movie murder victim. There’s not a lot of blood in her, and what little blood there is doesn’t have a lot to work with. She does defeat Emmett at arm wrestling, so I’ll concede that. However, there are enough extenuating circumstances surrounding Bella that I think my “Edward isn’t that fast” theory survives his ability to outrun her.

So, I believe Edward is the fast Cullen because Carlisle told a white lie in 1919, no one ever corrected that, and now it’s too late.