#and many- MANY other ways to refer to V1 that have both male and female pronouns. So yeah
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akantorrr · 1 year ago
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The Ballad Of Blind Love
I've had this one song stuck in my head for literal weeks, so here's art (2 versions cause I couldn't decide on the colors)
Fellow italians, I'm sorry for turning a 60's song gay
(song's "La Ballata Dell'Amore Cieco" by Fabrizio De André btw)
More details and variants here
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jackdawyt · 4 years ago
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Today we’re carrying on with my new mini-series paving the road for the anticipated release of the next Dragon Age game. As, I’ve said before, and I’ll say it in every video. I’ll be delving into very particular honed-in lore and plot threads that are rather telling for the future narrative of Dragon Age.  
Last episode I discussed Thedas’ most prideful nation, as an empire of power-hungry mages rule over their own magical utopia known as the Tevinter Imperium. Continuing from that, today I’m exploring Thedas’ most-misunderstood race, the Qunari. The grey-horned giants, who follow a strange set of rigid ideals, sought to convert all of Thedas to their way of life.
The Qun:
While humans, dwarves and elves rabble amongst themselves, there is another race, relatively new to Thedas, that most people call Qunari.  
“This race is large and powerful; on average, they tower over humans by a foot or more. Most have horns growing from their heads.” (WoT V.1)
To many humans, the Qunari are an evil and tyrannical people who do not believe in individual rights. ln the lands occupied by Qunari, all other belief systems are expelled, families are split apart, marriages are forbidden, and any dissenter is sent for "reeducation" by a secret police that watches for any violation of the strict Qunari ethos.
While the majority of that fear is warranted, the Qunari believe their ancient texts known as the Qun are laws that everyone in Thedas should adhere to. These laws are based on two core philosophies: Mastery & Balance.  
Mastery (issqun): 'To know something is to understand it, to understand why it is, what it is, as well as what it is not. To know something is to possess the power to master it, and only in the lack of knowing lies weakness."
Balance (aqun): "To exist without balance is to fall, to break, to yield. Only with balance can true stillness be achieved. When one is still, one is free to listen and know. In knowing, become strong. With strength, become steel. And as steel, endure."
Briefly put, the Qun texts are a code of honour that encompasses philosophy, laws and a social architecture to prepare and govern the Qunari people with discipline.  
For those who believe in the Qun, the lack of individual freedoms does not matter. They find comfort and stability in the order of it all.  
A few freedoms the Qun does not tolerate are: any worship of a god or gods, such as the Maker, this is forbidden and is stopped with violence if necessary. And, magic is feared and hated, The Qunari take its treatment of mages to extremes even the Chantry might consider cruel.
While some in Thedas may consider the Qun as a radical religion, it’s actually a social archetype that governs everything from society, culture, religion, economy, government, etc. The Qun dictates all aspects of Qunari life.
“Any discussion of the Qun as a philosophy must extend to Qunari society as a whole, for the two are intrinsically linked.” (WoT. V1)
Because of this, the Qunari view other nations of Thedas as inferior and as “Kabethari”, which means "those who need to be taught." As of which, the Qunari plan many incursions guided by the Qun’s text for the rest of Thedas, ensuring their way of life will thrive on, even if they have to re-educate every single person in the populace. The Qun is an implacable force that will not be denied.
Existence is a choice.
There is no chaos in the world, only complexity.
Knowledge of the complex is wisdom.
From wisdom of the world comes wisdom of the self.
Mastery of the self is mastery of the world.  
Loss of the self is the source of suffering.
Suffering is a choice, and we can refuse it.
It is in our own power to create the world, or destroy it.
And the Ashkaari went forth to his people.
—An excerpt from The Qun, Canto 1
The label “Qunari" more accurately refers to a follower of the religious text known as the Qun, regardless of his or her race hence the capitalization of the name in many texts. The actual horned race's ancient name is “kossith.” This term is not widely used or even widely known outside scholarly circles.  
Simply put, anyone of any race who embodies the Qun’s text are Qunari, while the horned races’ biological term stems to “kossith”, however, this term is not spoken by the people themselves. As of which, I’m just going to keep calling them Qunari.  
Par Vollen was the first land the Qunari conquered and converted to the Qun. It’s a very peaceful land that the Qunari consider their new homeland. This island has many wonders like the great pyramids and abundant jungles. Even the native humans of Par Vollen willingly converted to the Qun.  
“Par Vollen is peaceful, its native humans largely willing the Qun converts to the Qun. The Qunari consider Par Vollen their new homeland.” (WoT. V1)
As the Qunari come from uncharted territories, they have their own language called Qunlat which, in short, is a very blunt language with little use for communication beyond its necessities. Many Qunari can speak the common tongue, when doing so, they are very to the point, with no reason for wasting time.  
“Qunari speak a harsh language called Qunlat. As a rule, Qunari have little use for communication beyond its necessities. When speaking to those who do not follow the Qun, their statements are often laconic, with a kind of underlying condescension.” (WoT. V1)
The Qunari arrived on the shores of Thedas several ages ago. The origin of the race itself is still a mystery today. Even among the Qunari, not much is known about where they came from or why they landed in Thedas.
They’ve been described to share physical similarities with dragons, while having ears that resemble elves. Many Qunari believe that their priests, known as Tamassrans mixed dragon blood into their biology some time ago. However, the truth still remains...
While living under the Qun, the Qunari do not have a concept of personal identity. While they possess names, they do not use them, primarily using titles rather than names to identify and present themselves.
Given that Qunari names are just their job title, the Qun has many roles fulfilling different purposes. Such roles are separated between males and females, as the Qun believe each gender perform better functions than the other in certain areas, like raising children.  
“The Qunari believe that both men and women are capable of leadership. However, Qunari deem one gender or the other better at certain roles in their society. No matter how much aptitude a male shows for management, he will never be as good at it as a female. Therefore, they would consider it inefficient to put him in such a role when a woman would be better.” (WoT. V1)
The Body of the Qun
The Qun itself consists of single body, with each of its aspect responsible for governing certain movements and operations.  
"The Qunari view their whole society as a single creature: a living entity whose health and well-being is the responsibility of all," she wrote. "Each individual is only a tiny part of the whole, a drop of blood in its veins. Important not for itself, but for what it is to the whole creature. Because of this, the Qunari most outsiders meet belong to the army, which the Qun regards as if it were the physical body: arms, legs, eyes and ears, the things a creature needs in order to interact with the world. One cannot get to know a person solely by studying his hand or his foot, and so one cannot truly 'meet' the Qunari until one has visited their cities. That is where their mind and soul dwell.” (WoT.V1)
The primary symbol used to represent the Qunari as a people is the House of Tides, symbolising the triumvirate of body, mind, and soul. The body is represented by the Arishok. The mind is represented by the Arigena. The soul is represented by the Ariqun.  
Arishok, Arigena and Ariqun together are known as the Salasari:
The Arigena is the head of the Qunari matriarchy responsible for looking after the good of the community.
The Ariqun is the head of the Qunari priesthood, responsible for the maintenance of public spirituality and the progress of science through the Tamassrans & the Ben-Hassrath.
The Arishok is the head of the Qunari military, responsible for the protection and safety of Qunari society, as well as its expansion through the Antaam.  
The operative groups within the Qun’s body are separated for their unique purposes and tasks ran by one of the Salasari.
The Tamassrans; which means "Those Who Speak" in Qunlat, are the priesthood branch of the Qun led by the Ariqun.  
Tamassrans are strictly a female role within the Qun, they control the selective breeding process, deciding who mates with whom. They name and raise new-born babies; they educate and evaluate children when they reach 12 for more official tasks.  
And most importantly, they use a substance called qamek to "free those beyond redemption," i.e. to turn dissenters who have persistently resisted re-education into all-but mindless creatures ("viddath-bas"), who can only perform hard labour and require looking after in the same manner as the disabled.  
“Because they raise the society's children, the Tamassrans wield great influence.” (WoT.V1)
The Ben-Hassrath; which means "the Heart of the Many" in Qunlat, are the secret police branch of the Qun led also by the Ariqun.  
The Ben-Hassrath enforce the law of the Qun. Their purpose is protecting the faith and the innocents. They are leaders who maintain unity, which Qunari believe to be a strength.  
The Qunari divide all Ben-Hassrath activities into three distinct categories: "Dangerous Purpose," "Dangerous Action," and "Dangerous Questions.” Each category has a different Ben-Hassrath role, as you can imagine, following a very in-particular pursuit, they are:  
Ariqun: supreme priest of the Ben-Hassrath
Hissrad: "one who creates illusions; liar" (a spy)
Tallis: "to solve" (an assassin)
Saarbrak: unknown function
Salit: unknown function
Viddasala: "one who converts purpose”
Ben-Hassrath will venture outside Qunari society to perform covert missions in foreign lands, hunting Tal-Vashoth and other enemies of the Qun, sometimes acting as spies. They’re responsible for “reeducation” and the assimilation of conquered people.  
“While the Qunari accept the Ben-Hassrath as a fact of life, other races vilify the Qun's secret police. These notorious hammers of Qun justice do not usually kill their prisoners. To do so is seen as a waste, as all people have value. Instead of death, prisoners are put to work in labor camps and taught the way of the Qun.” (WoT. V1)  
The Antaam; which means "body" in Qunlat, are the military branch of the Qun led by the Arishok.
Antaam are generally a male role within the Qun, however, females who’re capable of both the talent and dedication to fighting can join the Antaam as part of a military classification known as the Aqun-Athlok, which means “one who is born as one gender but lives like another.”
Aqun-Athlok: “One who is born as one gender but lives like another."
Other notable ranks among the Antaam military body are:  
Arishok: supreme commander of the Antaam
Arvaarad: "One who holds back evil" (Watcher)
Katari: "One who brings death."
Ketojan: An infantry platoon
Sten: Infantry platoon commander
Antaam control every military aspect, they gather specific intelligence for the Qunari, seek and destroy anything that threatens Qunari society, and protect or recover revered artifacts, and technology.
While the Antaam are normally led by the Arishok. Currently, an invasion on Tevinter has already begun as an unsanctioned operation. The force took over two Tevinter cities, Ventus and Carastes without the Qun’s authorisation. The Arishok’s order has been ignored, instead, Rasaan, a prominent Qunari Tamassran revealed that quote “her” Antaam are in Tevinter unofficially.
Rasaan, taking actions into her own hands, is searching for Fen’Harel’s true name, so the Qunari can oppose him once they figure out his greatest weakness.  
“Fen Harel,” she lectured, “is a name given by enemies. Its translation, ‘Dread Wolf,’ isn’t true.” She turned, considering one of the tomes now piled on the slab. “The name given when he lied to us—and to your Inquisition—was chosen by a self-styled martyr. ‘Solas’ is also not true.” (Tevinter Nights)
While the Ben-Hassrath watch over the Antaam’s movements, they’ve decided not to join in their conquest. Other Qunari outside of the Antaam feel the same, and have spoken out against the Antaam’s actions, some even killing their fellow brethren for disobeying orders.  
“Antaam, to me!” Bas-taar choked out.
“I am not Antaam.” The Huntmaster smiled as the Qunari beside him looked at him in confusion. In one fluid motion, he swung the spear down from his back and hurled it across the clearing. Bas-taar shuddered as the spear struck, then went silent and still. (Tevinter Nights)
The Saarebas; which means “dangerous thing” in Qunlat, are the mages of the Qunari forces.  
The Qunari fear and loathe magic. But it is of course still possible for a follower of the Qun to be born with the power to use it. The Qunari treat their Saarebas with brutality and caution. The seer of Kont-aar once wrote:
"Saarebas must be carefully controlled by someone else, an arvaarad, 'one who holds back evil,' because they cannot truly control themselves." (WoT. V1)
The Qun teaches that those who can control magic cannot control themselves. Because of this, it is common practice for saarebas to be chained, masked, and kept on a short leash. Their lips may, in extreme cases, be stitched together. An arvaarad may also use a rod, similar to one used to control a golem, to restrain a saarebas.
Finally, Tal-Vashoth; which means "the true gray ones” in Qunlat, a name they gave themselves.
Tal-Vashoth refers to Qunari who have lived under the Qun and rejected it. This rebellion against its principles makes Tal-Vashoth traitors in the eyes of the Qun. Tal-Vashoth frequently clash with Qunari, but they are not large enough in number to be a formidable threat to the Qun.  
Tal-Vashoth usually stick together. Most are kossith. Since many in Thedas see kossith and think "Qunari,~ the Tal-Vashoth are often forced into a life of banditry and mercenary work, unaccepted and unable to find safer work.
And that makes up the majority of the Qun and its people. The Qunari are Thedas’ most immediate threat, as their invasion on Thedas has already started, while the Qun is greatly splintered, many nations in Thedas will face onslaught from these terrifying giants who will fulfil their Qun’s demand. Many plot points and future story beats lie for the Qunari.  
Ben-Hassrath's Current Movements
The Ben-Hassrath's plan titled “Dragon’s Breath’ failed, the scheme would’ve wrought the destruction of the Winter Palace and an immediate conversion on the entirety of Southern Thedas’s people, with the Divine and many other key figures dead. As the Inquisition and Fen’Harel stopped this from happening, the Ben-Hassrath focus many of their efforts on hunting Fen’Harel, the Dread Wolf. He has made himself an enemy to the Qun.  
Other aspects of the Ben-Hassrath attacked the estate of Magister Nenealeus, looking for a mysterious lyrium sarcophagus that can imbue any elf with lyrium tattoos.  
The Ben-Hassrath moved their “Darvaarad” (their magical quarantine site) to a mobile dreadnought.  However, the ship was destroyed by an agent of Fen'Harel who placed an Altus Tevinter thief on their land. Their intention was to force the Ben-Hassrath to join the war between Tevinter and the Antaam. Fortunately, Gatt, one of the Ben-Hassrath saw through this scheme, and the plan was thwarted.  
“The Antaam will still agitate for us to move against you more openly. But we can blunt their strike. The Ben- Hassrath will remain officially neutral. More important, free to act against the true threat.” (Tevinter Nights).
While they predominantly hunt Fen’Harel, what are they going to do about their inner struggles within the Qun’s body? Will they step up and stand against it? Or continue to ignore it?  
Antaam’s Invasion  
A delicate peace existed between the Qunari and the rest of Thedas, however, the Qun is a text that must be adhered to by all. The Military body of the Qun, the Antaam, led by Tamassran Rasaan have decided for themselves, without the blessing of the other Qunari, to attack Northern Thedas.  
“Rasaan stopped him with a raised index finger. “I know your work,” she said. She knelt again, her eyes dead-straight with his. “My Antaam are in Tevinter as officially as you are. Does that change your tone?” (Tevinter Nights)  
While this is a prohibited invasion, the Qunari have declared war on the rest of Thedas, and will continue their efforts to re-educate the world, by any means possible. It’s estimated that the Antaam will crush Tevinter’s opposition in the east, and everything east of Vyrantium will be under their control within a year, and northern Antiva as well. Unless the newly appointed Airshok, who used to be Sten, personally stops this conquest. The Antaam may very well besiege the majority of Tevinter’s rural land.  
"You all know that the Antaam invaded without permission of the other branches of Qunari government? We had assumed this would hobble them, but it appears the priests and workers were a moderating influence. Without them, the Antaam have crushed the Tevinter opposition in the east, and I fear everything east of Vyrantium will be under their control within a year, and northern Antiva as well." (Tevinter Nights)
While the majority of the Antaam’s army will find fulfilment in overthrowing cities and bestowing the Qun’s law. Rasaan has taken interest in Fen’Harel and his scheme, she seeks his demise, just like the Ben-Hassrath. It seems each force within the Qunari government can agree that Fen’Harel is a formidable threat, as many of their efforts are focussed on stopping his plans.  
As a side note, Rasaan is a very attractive female Qunari Tamassran, we have not yet had the opportunity to romance such a striking, yet intimidating figure like herself in the Dragon Age games as of yet. I’d very much like her to “re-educate” my next protagonist, if you catch my drift.  
Seheron’s Occupancy  
Seheron is the largest island in Thedas, it was a paradise claimed by Tevinter long before the Qunari first landed on its shores. And even today, both groups fight for the island, while the Qunari dominate the majority of Seheron, Tevinter kinsman are constantly aiming to retake the land.  
Seheron is still "kabethari" to the Qunari—a land to be conquered and converted, literally "those who need to be taught." The tide could change any moment for either party.  
Rivain’s Qun Influence
Rivain is home to the only peaceful Qunari settlement on the main continent, in Kont-aar. The influence of the Qun, if not absolute adherence to its teachings, is present throughout Rivain, getting stronger as one heads north toward Kont-aar. During the conquest of the Tevinter city – Ventus, a captured elf and human discovered that the Qunari are moving some of their forces back to Rivain. A perfect location to continue their conversion of Thedas.  
“The Qunari are moving into Rivain. You need to get word to the clans before they land.” Irelin looked at Myrion with her maybe-glare, then back to Strife.
“I can be there and back by midnight. Can you stay ahead of the Qunari until then?” (Tevinter Nights)  
Antiva Invasion
The nation of Antiva do not have a personal guard or army, instead the Antivan Crows step-into the battlefield for the sake of their countrymen.
“Without an army, Antiva’s only line of defense was the Crows. Should the Qunari decide to attack, the assassins must present a united front.” (Tevinter Nights)
The eight leaders of the Crows are called Talons. Each talon from each house within the Crows had a political meeting to discuss the ongoing Qunari threat, in which, one of the eight talons decided to oppose the Crows and sign a contract with the Qunari for a peaceful invasion of Antiva’s land, all they needed to do was eliminate the remaining other talons.  
“The Qunari are coming. I was approached and presented a contract—an opportunity—for a peaceful invasion. In exchange for seven deaths, we could keep our way of life. They wouldn’t make us submit to the Qun.”
“And you believed them,” Teia scoffed.
Emil squared his shoulders. “The Qunari are many things—brutal, rigid, merciless warriors—but they are also honorable.” (Tevinter Nights)
Fortunately, the Talons were able to uncover this conspiracy before they met their deaths, however, the Qunari are on their way to Antiva, and with this deal no longer in effect, there will be blood to pay on the streets of this costal nation. The Crows will not give up their home so easily.  
Plenty of war lingers for the Qunari, as they declare this transfiguration for the people of Thedas. Since Trespasser’s events, the Qunari have all but continued their slaughter, while they’ve decided to take on the hunt for Fen’Harel. The lines are going to be so blurred when we experience this war for ourselves, the enemy of my enemy is my friend, right? Perhaps the Qunari could willingly help us, but at the cost of Thedas’s entire transmutation. So many seeds are in the planning for the Qunari and their conquest, we can safely say the future will be nothing but tragic. Let me know your thoughts down below.  
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brittanyyoungblog · 4 years ago
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Is There a Link Between Porn Use and Relationship Satisfaction? Actually, No
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Popular media reports frequently tout the damage that pornography use does to relationships. Some articles have made pretty bold claims, such as “porn-free relationships are stronger,” “watching porn can diminish relationship commitment,” and “the fantasy alternative” presented in porn “leads to real-world cheating.” In short, “porn kills love” has become a popular refrain. 
These claims weren’t pulled out of thin air—many of them reference the results of past studies that have found links between porn use and relationship outcomes. However, there are some major problems with those studies that should lead to caution in drawing firm, cause-and-effect conclusions.
One issue is that pretty much all of these studies rely on reports from just one partner using a single-item assessment of recalled porn use (in which “porn” isn’t even defined!), often with a very long time-frame (e.g., How often have you used porn in the last year? How often have you used porn since you started your relationship?). Recall bias is a significant problem here because people are not very accurate when it comes to estimating their media usage in general.
However, an even bigger issue is that most of these studies are correlational, which means that you can’t make statements about causality. We therefore can’t say what is causing what, and we need to be mindful of the fact that past porn use is likely going to be confounded with other things—it’s not totally independent.  
For example, past relationship problems (such as a sexual desire discrepancies) can potentially drive an increase in porn use. In fact, we know that people in sexless relationships often turn to solo sexual activities to fill the void, which means that porn use can sometimes be the consequence—not the cause—of a bigger issue. Without looking at the precursors of porn use, then, there’s not really much you can say definitively.  
In order to get around these problems, a team of Canadian and US researchers recently conducted the first longitudinal, daily-diary study of porn use and relationships among couples. This allowed them to look at how changes in both porn use and relationship satisfaction unfold over time.  
In total, 140 mixed-sex couples and 77 same-sex couples completed a brief survey every day for 35 days. Each partner in the relationship was asked to complete each survey, which included questions about porn use in the last 24 hours (defined broadly to include use of photos, videos, written, and audio materials depicting sexual activity), relationship satisfaction, sexual desire, and sexual behavior. 
The nature of the data and analyses allowed researchers to look at whether porn use on one day predicted relationship satisfaction the following day, while controlling for relationship satisfaction the previous day. In other words, does porn predict daily changes in relationship satisfaction? They also tested for the inverse effect: does relationship satisfaction today predict changes in porn use tomorrow? 
In most couples (81%), at least one partner used porn during the course of the study. On average, men reported using porn about 6 of the 35 days, whereas women used it about 2 days; however, there was significant variability between persons, with some not using it at all, and others using it nearly every day. 
So was porn use linked to changes in how happy people were with their relationships? In the words of the study’s authors: “A participant’s previous day pornography use, as well as the partner’s previous day pornography use, were not significantly associated with today’s relationship satisfaction when controlling for their own previous day relationship satisfaction.”
Further: “A person’s previous day relationship satisfaction, as well as the partner’s previous day relationship satisfaction, were not significantly associated with today’s pornography use when controlling for their own previous day pornography use.”
Put simply, there was no effect either way.
Importantly, the link between porn use and relationship satisfaction did not depend upon whether the user was a man or a woman, or whether the relationship was same-sex or mixed-sex. 
While no link emerged between porn use and relationship satisfaction, the researchers did document other associations. For example, on days women used porn (compared to days they didn’t), they were more likely to have partnered sex, regardless of whether they were in a same-sex or mixed-sex relationship. The same was true for men partnered with other men. However, for men partnered with women, they were actually less likely to have partnered sex on days they used porn. 
Likewise, on days women used porn, both they and their partners reported greater desire for partnered sex. By contrast, on days men used porn, it was unrelated to their own desire for partnered sex, but it was related to their partner reporting lower desire.
However, these are all within-day associations, so it’s not entirely clear what they mean, which came first, or if the partners were even aware of each other’s porn use. Recall that on days men used porn, their partners reported lower desire for sex. This could be interpreted in various ways. For example, it might be that men are simply turning to porn as a substitute for sex on these days (i.e., low partner desire leads to porn use). Alternatively, it could be that the partner is feeling insecure or inadequate because they knew about the other’s porn use (i.e., porn use leads to low partner desire).
What these results tell us is that porn use is indeed linked to daily sexual dynamics within couple relationships, but in somewhat different ways for male and female porn users. There are still important questions about exactly what’s causing what, though. 
However, on a daily, ongoing basis, porn use does not seem to be related to changes in relationship satisfaction, which challenges the popular view that porn is inherently detrimental to relationships. 
The fact that no association emerged doesn’t necessarily mean that porn never affects relationship satisfaction, though. Porn might be positive for some, negative for others, and inconsequential for yet others; however, all of these effects might wash each other out if we’re only focused on the overall or average impact.
If we want to obtain a more nuanced understanding of how porn affects us, we can’t just look at porn use in a vacuum. How each of the partners feels about porn in general (acceptable vs. unacceptable, moral vs. immoral, secure vs. insecure), as well as the broader context in which it is used, are likely to play a crucial role in determining its effect on a given relationship.
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology ? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook (facebook.com/psychologyofsex), Twitter (@JustinLehmiller), or Reddit (reddit.com/r/psychologyofsex) to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
To learn more about this research, see: Vaillancourt-Morel, M. P., Rosen, N. O., Willoughby, B. J., Leonhardt, N. D., & Bergeron, S. (2020). Pornography use and romantic relationships: A dyadic daily diary study. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 37(10-11), 2802-2821.
Image Source: 123RF
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ellenlucasonlinedatingblog · 4 years ago
Text
Is There a Link Between Porn Use and Relationship Satisfaction? Actually, No
Tumblr media
Popular media reports frequently tout the damage that pornography use does to relationships. Some articles have made pretty bold claims, such as “porn-free relationships are stronger,” “watching porn can diminish relationship commitment,” and “the fantasy alternative” presented in porn “leads to real-world cheating.” In short, “porn kills love” has become a popular refrain. 
These claims weren’t pulled out of thin air—many of them reference the results of past studies that have found links between porn use and relationship outcomes. However, there are some major problems with those studies that should lead to caution in drawing firm, cause-and-effect conclusions.
One issue is that pretty much all of these studies rely on reports from just one partner using a single-item assessment of recalled porn use (in which “porn” isn’t even defined!), often with a very long time-frame (e.g., How often have you used porn in the last year? How often have you used porn since you started your relationship?). Recall bias is a significant problem here because people are not very accurate when it comes to estimating their media usage in general.
However, an even bigger issue is that most of these studies are correlational, which means that you can’t make statements about causality. We therefore can’t say what is causing what, and we need to be mindful of the fact that past porn use is likely going to be confounded with other things—it’s not totally independent.  
For example, past relationship problems (such as a sexual desire discrepancies) can potentially drive an increase in porn use. In fact, we know that people in sexless relationships often turn to solo sexual activities to fill the void, which means that porn use can sometimes be the consequence—not the cause—of a bigger issue. Without looking at the precursors of porn use, then, there’s not really much you can say definitively.  
In order to get around these problems, a team of Canadian and US researchers recently conducted the first longitudinal, daily-diary study of porn use and relationships among couples. This allowed them to look at how changes in both porn use and relationship satisfaction unfold over time.  
In total, 140 mixed-sex couples and 77 same-sex couples completed a brief survey every day for 35 days. Each partner in the relationship was asked to complete each survey, which included questions about porn use in the last 24 hours (defined broadly to include use of photos, videos, written, and audio materials depicting sexual activity), relationship satisfaction, sexual desire, and sexual behavior. 
The nature of the data and analyses allowed researchers to look at whether porn use on one day predicted relationship satisfaction the following day, while controlling for relationship satisfaction the previous day. In other words, does porn predict daily changes in relationship satisfaction? They also tested for the inverse effect: does relationship satisfaction today predict changes in porn use tomorrow? 
In most couples (81%), at least one partner used porn during the course of the study. On average, men reported using porn about 6 of the 35 days, whereas women used it about 2 days; however, there was significant variability between persons, with some not using it at all, and others using it nearly every day. 
So was porn use linked to changes in how happy people were with their relationships? In the words of the study’s authors: “A participant’s previous day pornography use, as well as the partner’s previous day pornography use, were not significantly associated with today’s relationship satisfaction when controlling for their own previous day relationship satisfaction.”
Further: “A person’s previous day relationship satisfaction, as well as the partner’s previous day relationship satisfaction, were not significantly associated with today’s pornography use when controlling for their own previous day pornography use.”
Put simply, there was no effect either way.
Importantly, the link between porn use and relationship satisfaction did not depend upon whether the user was a man or a woman, or whether the relationship was same-sex or mixed-sex. 
While no link emerged between porn use and relationship satisfaction, the researchers did document other associations. For example, on days women used porn (compared to days they didn’t), they were more likely to have partnered sex, regardless of whether they were in a same-sex or mixed-sex relationship. The same was true for men partnered with other men. However, for men partnered with women, they were actually less likely to have partnered sex on days they used porn. 
Likewise, on days women used porn, both they and their partners reported greater desire for partnered sex. By contrast, on days men used porn, it was unrelated to their own desire for partnered sex, but it was related to their partner reporting lower desire.
However, these are all within-day associations, so it’s not entirely clear what they mean, which came first, or if the partners were even aware of each other’s porn use. Recall that on days men used porn, their partners reported lower desire for sex. This could be interpreted in various ways. For example, it might be that men are simply turning to porn as a substitute for sex on these days (i.e., low partner desire leads to porn use). Alternatively, it could be that the partner is feeling insecure or inadequate because they knew about the other’s porn use (i.e., porn use leads to low partner desire).
What these results tell us is that porn use is indeed linked to daily sexual dynamics within couple relationships, but in somewhat different ways for male and female porn users. There are still important questions about exactly what’s causing what, though. 
However, on a daily, ongoing basis, porn use does not seem to be related to changes in relationship satisfaction, which challenges the popular view that porn is inherently detrimental to relationships. 
The fact that no association emerged doesn’t necessarily mean that porn never affects relationship satisfaction, though. Porn might be positive for some, negative for others, and inconsequential for yet others; however, all of these effects might wash each other out if we’re only focused on the overall or average impact.
If we want to obtain a more nuanced understanding of how porn affects us, we can’t just look at porn use in a vacuum. How each of the partners feels about porn in general (acceptable vs. unacceptable, moral vs. immoral, secure vs. insecure), as well as the broader context in which it is used, are likely to play a crucial role in determining its effect on a given relationship.
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology ? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook (facebook.com/psychologyofsex), Twitter (@JustinLehmiller), or Reddit (reddit.com/r/psychologyofsex) to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
To learn more about this research, see: Vaillancourt-Morel, M. P., Rosen, N. O., Willoughby, B. J., Leonhardt, N. D., & Bergeron, S. (2020). Pornography use and romantic relationships: A dyadic daily diary study. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 37(10-11), 2802-2821.
Image Source: 123RF
You Might Also Like:
Do People Who Watch Porn Seek More Extreme Content Over Time?
Study: 1 in 8 Young Adults Say Watching Porn is a Form of Cheating
Can You Build Up A Tolerance To Porn?
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robbiemeadow · 4 years ago
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Is There a Link Between Porn Use and Relationship Satisfaction? Actually, No
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Popular media reports frequently tout the damage that pornography use does to relationships. Some articles have made pretty bold claims, such as “porn-free relationships are stronger,” “watching porn can diminish relationship commitment,” and “the fantasy alternative” presented in porn “leads to real-world cheating.” In short, “porn kills love” has become a popular refrain. 
These claims weren’t pulled out of thin air—many of them reference the results of past studies that have found links between porn use and relationship outcomes. However, there are some major problems with those studies that should lead to caution in drawing firm, cause-and-effect conclusions.
One issue is that pretty much all of these studies rely on reports from just one partner using a single-item assessment of recalled porn use (in which “porn” isn’t even defined!), often with a very long time-frame (e.g., How often have you used porn in the last year? How often have you used porn since you started your relationship?). Recall bias is a significant problem here because people are not very accurate when it comes to estimating their media usage in general.
However, an even bigger issue is that most of these studies are correlational, which means that you can’t make statements about causality. We therefore can’t say what is causing what, and we need to be mindful of the fact that past porn use is likely going to be confounded with other things—it’s not totally independent.  
For example, past relationship problems (such as a sexual desire discrepancies) can potentially drive an increase in porn use. In fact, we know that people in sexless relationships often turn to solo sexual activities to fill the void, which means that porn use can sometimes be the consequence—not the cause—of a bigger issue. Without looking at the precursors of porn use, then, there’s not really much you can say definitively.  
In order to get around these problems, a team of Canadian and US researchers recently conducted the first longitudinal, daily-diary study of porn use and relationships among couples. This allowed them to look at how changes in both porn use and relationship satisfaction unfold over time.  
In total, 140 mixed-sex couples and 77 same-sex couples completed a brief survey every day for 35 days. Each partner in the relationship was asked to complete each survey, which included questions about porn use in the last 24 hours (defined broadly to include use of photos, videos, written, and audio materials depicting sexual activity), relationship satisfaction, sexual desire, and sexual behavior. 
The nature of the data and analyses allowed researchers to look at whether porn use on one day predicted relationship satisfaction the following day, while controlling for relationship satisfaction the previous day. In other words, does porn predict daily changes in relationship satisfaction? They also tested for the inverse effect: does relationship satisfaction today predict changes in porn use tomorrow? 
In most couples (81%), at least one partner used porn during the course of the study. On average, men reported using porn about 6 of the 35 days, whereas women used it about 2 days; however, there was significant variability between persons, with some not using it at all, and others using it nearly every day. 
So was porn use linked to changes in how happy people were with their relationships? In the words of the study’s authors: “A participant’s previous day pornography use, as well as the partner’s previous day pornography use, were not significantly associated with today’s relationship satisfaction when controlling for their own previous day relationship satisfaction.”
Further: “A person’s previous day relationship satisfaction, as well as the partner’s previous day relationship satisfaction, were not significantly associated with today’s pornography use when controlling for their own previous day pornography use.”
Put simply, there was no effect either way.
Importantly, the link between porn use and relationship satisfaction did not depend upon whether the user was a man or a woman, or whether the relationship was same-sex or mixed-sex. 
While no link emerged between porn use and relationship satisfaction, the researchers did document other associations. For example, on days women used porn (compared to days they didn’t), they were more likely to have partnered sex, regardless of whether they were in a same-sex or mixed-sex relationship. The same was true for men partnered with other men. However, for men partnered with women, they were actually less likely to have partnered sex on days they used porn. 
Likewise, on days women used porn, both they and their partners reported greater desire for partnered sex. By contrast, on days men used porn, it was unrelated to their own desire for partnered sex, but it was related to their partner reporting lower desire.
However, these are all within-day associations, so it’s not entirely clear what they mean, which came first, or if the partners were even aware of each other’s porn use. Recall that on days men used porn, their partners reported lower desire for sex. This could be interpreted in various ways. For example, it might be that men are simply turning to porn as a substitute for sex on these days (i.e., low partner desire leads to porn use). Alternatively, it could be that the partner is feeling insecure or inadequate because they knew about the other’s porn use (i.e., porn use leads to low partner desire).
What these results tell us is that porn use is indeed linked to daily sexual dynamics within couple relationships, but in somewhat different ways for male and female porn users. There are still important questions about exactly what’s causing what, though. 
However, on a daily, ongoing basis, porn use does not seem to be related to changes in relationship satisfaction, which challenges the popular view that porn is inherently detrimental to relationships. 
The fact that no association emerged doesn’t necessarily mean that porn never affects relationship satisfaction, though. Porn might be positive for some, negative for others, and inconsequential for yet others; however, all of these effects might wash each other out if we’re only focused on the overall or average impact.
If we want to obtain a more nuanced understanding of how porn affects us, we can’t just look at porn use in a vacuum. How each of the partners feels about porn in general (acceptable vs. unacceptable, moral vs. immoral, secure vs. insecure), as well as the broader context in which it is used, are likely to play a crucial role in determining its effect on a given relationship.
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology ? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook (facebook.com/psychologyofsex), Twitter (@JustinLehmiller), or Reddit (reddit.com/r/psychologyofsex) to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
To learn more about this research, see: Vaillancourt-Morel, M. P., Rosen, N. O., Willoughby, B. J., Leonhardt, N. D., & Bergeron, S. (2020). Pornography use and romantic relationships: A dyadic daily diary study. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 37(10-11), 2802-2821.
Image Source: 123RF
You Might Also Like:
Do People Who Watch Porn Seek More Extreme Content Over Time?
Study: 1 in 8 Young Adults Say Watching Porn is a Form of Cheating
Can You Build Up A Tolerance To Porn?
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