#and many members of that religion angry at people not accepting despite that kind of proof

[maaruin]

What if we create Superintelligence (artificial intelligence with intellectual capacities way beyond what humans have) and besides eliminating poverty, giving us medical technology which makes us immortal, creating a Grand Unified Theory of Physics, it also tells us "There is no god but God, and Muhammad is His prophet." ?

[mageglory]

I have no idea if I have ever summed all my Dragon Age Canon Characters but in short. Oh and I treat Bioware Canon like my playground so be warned.

Galria Theirin nee Brosca: Brosca origins (obviously), two handed reaver berserker. She is the Warden and becomes Queen of Ferelden with Alistair, her romance. She is the first non human queen of an human kingdom in history and tecnically she converted to andrastianism for politics (and because she doesn't care anyway about religion) but the Chantry keeps annoying her until Leli becomes Divine Victoria.

Ignis Hawke: Fire magic, Force magic and Blood Magic. He follows Anders romance and is a ruthless supporter of Mage RightsTM. He keeps switching between Red Hawke or Blue Hawke answers depending on who he is talking to (Red Hawke with Meredith, Elthina, Orlesians. Blue Hawke with fereldeans refugees, mages, elves and similar). He is one of the leaders of the Mage Underground with Anders if not the leader (mainly because Anders keeps telling him he's the boss even if Ignis considers himself equal to him) and he helped enlarge the underground across all the Free Marches, a lot of the random apostate npc we fight on the wounded coast are gonna live as members of the underground. To protect his identity/keep his family safe from Templars and because Hawke is not Hawke without drama he wears a mask in his rebel persona and Meredith has been yelling to Cullen to bring her the apostates leader in chains for years. He doesn't want to hurt civilians, but he is ready to accept civilians casualties as necessary if it's to free his people. His mabari is called Templar and Varric keeps saying Ignis exausted all his life capacity for jokes in that one idea. He's the gayest revolutionary/terrorist (depends who you ask) in town.

Raphaël De Bougainville: The Marquis of Serault. He has an obviously smaller role and is kinda irrelevant to The Fate of ThedasTM but he is a good guy despite having a very orlesian centric view of the world out of ignorance/cultural upbringing. His main worries are to restore Serault glory, which he succeeded in (and he also annexxes Aloyns along the road since the neighboor Marquis tried to sabotage his relationship with Justinia and failed) and romance Krem while visiting Skyhold. He had the idea to pay some mages after the rebellion won to come work for him with the glassworkers and now there are a lot of Serault glassworks for nobles with sparkly enchantments, but nothing plot relevant, he's just rich because now every noble in Orlais wants Serault magical glass. His main quirk is that he's an enthusiast of scientific research (think the king guy in Eragon) and his dream is to teach at the University of Orlais.

Melkior Lavellan: This damn boi is a pacifist. IN THEDAS. He is not the First of his clan, but only because he left the position to travel around the clans and bring messages/organize things. I'm not sure if canon mentions something similar but he's basically a travelling Keeper, so he has a bit more knowledge of the world, especially thanks to his high emotional intelligence. Kind of guy who smiles even when he doesn't like you and the "if he yells shit is going down" character archetype. Clan Lavellan Keeper is his grandma because his parents were murdered by Gaspard De Chalons during a dalish hunt, in front of him. Gaspard would have killed him too but decided that a knife eared kid wasn't worthy of a chevalier steel. Years later, Gaspard will fail to recognize Melkior at the Winter Palace (because elves are all the same amiright? I doubt Gaspard remembers his victims faces) and that's how the Granduke died and also one of the two occasions in which Melkior got really angry. Also, Melkior is the host to a spirit of Hope, which made the entire Inquisition scream in fear of abominations when they heard about that. Melkior romances Cassandra (altought I made her supposed character arc/change matter uh Bioware?) and tries to spare/redeem/imprison if necessary as much people as possible when sitting in Judgment because he doesn't like to kill and he does that enough on the field. At the end of Trespasser he disbands the Inquisition but he also creates a constitution that blocks the power of the Chantry so that in 100 years no Divine will be able to recreate Circles or Templars and a council to oversee the constitution with elected officials with a mandate of 5 years max.

Alidda Tabris: Someone could ask why I put the Tabris after the Lavellan, well that's because Alidda Tabris, my non warden dual wielder rougue, is more linked to Briala than Origins. She was prisoner of Arle Howe dungeons with others during Origins, forgotten there after having murdered the Arle son. She was freed by the Warden before the Landsmeet and despite the long imprisonment she suffered she fought in the Battle of Denerim, defending the alienage. After the death of the Archdemon, she helped King Alistair and Queen Galria in dealing with the many issues the elves had and was later sended to Orlais to investigate the risk of a new invasion of Ferelden. She joined Briala during the events of The Masked Empire, helping Celene in beating Gaspard but hating the Empress for her genocide of elves, she was helping only because forced to choose between her and Gaspard. She joined Briala at the end of the book and the two got together shortly after. In Inquisition, Alidda breaks in Celene vault during Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearths to get her beloved medallion back and the two keep plotting the liberation of the Dales after the ball.

Livia Amladaris: Magister of Tevinter, new leader of House Amladaris, descendeant of Corypheus and the worst person ever and I love her for that. Livia is literally my favourite classic villain tropes throwed together, because if you don't do that in Tevinter what's the point. While Livia wasn't a Venatori during Inquisition, she took control of the movement later. She is considered the most beautiful woman in the Imperium by many (the Amladaris pratic eugenics unironically) and she is a political genious and probably the greatest demonologist and necromancer (the Quentin kind, not the Dorian kind) Tevinter will ever see. Sadly, all this perfection on paper was given to a woman who respects only one thing: power and hates the other Magisters because they are limited in their ambitions. Livia intends to not simply enter in the Fade like her ancestor, but to open thousands of minor rifts controlled only by her, causing an army of binded demons to invade every nation of Thedas at once. The Imperium will rise again with her as the first Imperatrix of all Thedas. Someone could call her mad, but if she is mad then she is of the lucid and most dangerous kind. She has invented numerous evil spells (the "blood sacrifices and demons" kind) and has the power to turn others in abominations against their will. She is at last defeated at the end of DA4, but not before she blood sacrificed all of her supporters inside the Imperial Senate to start her ritual and shapeshifted into a giant monster before being slain. She is the Maleficent of Thedas and I love a good old fashioned evil witch ok?

[fideleluc]

      introducing lucien montel, the graduate chair

“ for as that righteous man lived among them day after day, he was tormenting his righteous soul over their lawless deeds that he saw and heard ” (2 peter 2:8)

hey hey! my name’s tays, i use she/her pronouns, and i live in melbourne, australia, and thus the aest (soon to be aedt) timezone. it’s been a little while since i’ve rped, but this group was just utterly irresistible so here we are! if you’re interested in plotting you can hit me up on here or discord (mightay morphin power ranger#9316) without any further ado, here’s luc montel!

stats.

full name: lucien henri montel known as: luc montel age: 25 dob: january 13, 1995 gender: cis male nationality: french religion: roman catholic course: currently studying a masters of social work, graduated a year prior with a bachelor of arts majoring in theology

bio.

( luc’s original bio ended up being i don’t even know how many words long so this is a very much summarised version, but if you have a bit more time on your hands you can read the full thing here! )

luc’s mother first learned she was pregnant not long after she graduated from highschool. she wasn’t sure exactly who the father was, but even if she did, she wouldn’t have told him - all of her friends, likely him included, had a pretty huge falling out near the end of their exams, and she was still too proud to turn to them for help, even after her own father kicked her out once he heard the news. she’d been working hard and saving up for years to get a shot at getting into a good school, something no one else from her area really saw as a likely prospect, but all her savings ended up getting funnelled into hotels and food while she tried to support herself on her own in the city.

the only way she could really pass time was to go for walks, and on these walks she ended up going past a church that seemed to be drawing her in - it was purely by chance that the priest, father pascal, was outside one time and was able to notice her hesitating, long enough for him to actually invite her inside. she had given up on religion after her mother left her and her dad, but still, when she was invited to their next mass, she ended up going - and she never really stopped. the congregation ended up being her entire support system while she was pregnant, getting her a well-paying job doing after school care for a catholic school and helping her find a cheap place to stay. 

luc was born on a chilly january morning, and got baptised a week later. there was no question of whether or not he’d be raised as part of the church - the only time he was able to sit still was when he was listening to father pascal’s sermons, and he took his first steps just outside in the garden. he was taught, essentially, to do good, to be accepting and generous and kind - and he never questioned it. his mother, who’d started on a teaching degree, was careful to teach him about other religions, and though his own devotion to catholicism never wavered, it still fascinated him. 

although he and his mother were better off than she had been only a few years earlier, they didn’t have a ton of money they could give - so they made good on their weekly promises to help the world with their time. luc was especially passionate about it - learning to cook so he could make things for bake sales, riding along with other members of his congregation to help out in food kitchens, doorknocking for any sort of donations people in his neighbourhood would want to give without hesitation or embarrassment. 

even when he got older and his friends had moved on to more entertaining hobbies, he continued on with attending mass and keeping up with his charity work, brushing off his friend’s accusations that he was being forced into it. truly, their own interests mostly bored him - he never really had a long enough attention span for tv or movies, and he couldn’t engage in video games like they could. one thing he could join in on, though, was football - if he wasn’t doing something for the church or indulging in his also newlyfound passion for cooking, he was out on the oval.

when his friends moved on further still to getting girlfriends and drinking, luc, again, couldn’t find himself as engaged in it as they were. though he’d happily drink with them, for the most part, he put his hand up to be the designated driver and was perfectly content staying their lookout when they got close to making scenes in public. he had a few girlfriends in highschool, but the relationships never lasted long - and again, he didn’t mind. at times he’d worry that he was missing out, but it was never a concern that lasted long, especially when he saw how desperately his friends needed someone to shepherd them at times. 

although he’d never been a hugely academic kid in the past, when it came time to think about university, he felt that, out of an obligation to his mother more than anything else, that he had to work just as hard as she had when she was his age to make up for the opportunity she’d missed for his sake. st margaret mary’s hadn’t been a realistic dream, but he’d figured he may as well apply - when he actually got in, with an offer of a scholarship on the side, he was almost tempted to throw it away thanks to his own doubts, but his mother quickly put an end to it. before he knew it, he was heading off across the city to the old building - a theology major. 

despite his devotion to the church, he hadn’t initially planned to join chastity club, if for no other reason that is just seemed a bit extreme for him - but when he came to a meeting out of a mix of boredom and curiosity only to find that something was distinctly wrong, he couldn’t stop it from becoming the major focus of his mind for the next few weeks until he could figure out what was really going on. when he was finally able to piece together the truth, he was conflicted - on the one hand, these were people using his faith to cover up criminal activity, bringing as much shame to the church as the people who twisted the lord’s words into messages of hatred, but on the other, it could be what these people depended on, and to have that taken away from them could be disastrous. instead of being angry like he knew he should’ve been, luc was overcome with a familiar urge to help - and so he did just that. 

he went to another meeting, and before they could say anything, he told them how easy it had been for him to find them out, how if he, someone with no connection to any of them, could discover the truth, then it wouldn’t be long before the staff would be following in his footsteps. he told them that, so long as a cut of any fundraiser went to an actual charity, he’d be happy to give them an actual, believable cover. 

he hadn’t actually thought they’d take him on. before he knew it, though, his actual studies were being pushed to the side in favour of planning, organisation, research - though he was sure to carve out a few hours a week to catch up on his actual work, most of his time was going towards the chastity club, and not just because he wanted to help them. even if it was just a cover to the rest of the club, to him, those cuts he got from the fundraisers were the only thing that mattered - he was doing what he was supposed to be doing, what he was taught to devote himself to all his life. helping people. 

as time went on, the idea of turning in the club became more and more impossible - not only was he actually able to make some wider good come out of it, but truly, the people he was surrounding himself with were like family, even if he had to turn a blind eye to half of what they got up to. he’d convinced himself that turning them in would be a far worse action than letting them stay running, and it’s a belief he’s held onto like a lifeline - but at the same time, he can’t ignore a worry that’s been growing louder and louder in the back of his mind. he never sees the consequences of the dealing. he doesn’t actually know if they’re doing more good than harm. he’s relying solely on faith, the same faith he has in god and that god, he believes, has in him. 

he can only pray it’s well placed.

personality. 

luc is nothing if not passionate. although it may take him a while to make up his mind about getting involved or starting a task, once he does, he’ll put his absolute all into it without turning back. no matter the exact motivation, whether it be his religion, his friends, or just a desire to do something, he works and believes with his entire heart, and once he’s dedicated to something, it’ll be almost impossible to tear him away from it.

since he was a kid, luc has always been generous. whether it’s with his possessions or even just his time, he’s one of those people who’ll throw their jacket around you if you mention it’s just a bit chilly and then refuse to ever take it back no matter how much you insist. the only way his mother eleanor was able to survive when she was pregnant and virtually homeless was through the generosity of what would end up being his parish’s churchgoers, so the first idea luc was ever taught to embrace was the idea of giving, something enforced by both her and the church itself.

part of what makes luc so convincing for the school board is that he’s an unfalteringly polite person. unless he has good reason to be angry at someone, he’ll try to greet everyone with a smile and see them off with a wish for them to have a good day, treating them like a friend even if they’re written in the first pages of his bad books. he’s always willing to listen to someone else chat and support them when they’re feeling down, no matter what mood he’s in or what’s at stake, and his consistently gentle, patient manner make essentially any lie he tells convincing.

although he was never known for his academic prowess, luc has never not been curious. once an idea intrigues him, he’ll do whatever he can to learn more, and rarely feels as if he ever has enough knowledge about the subjects that interest him, still willing to add more or take different perspectives.

luc has never been known for his spontaneity - though he’ll commit with his whole heart once he’d decided to do something, he’s very careful in making those decisions. he’ll often spend nights lying awake contemplating ideas, throwing himself different scenarios and seeing if they change his views, trying to look at things from every possible angle before making a call on something. though something he does may be stupid and may be risky, he’ll only take that risk if he’s absolutely sure it will pay off. his caution even comes through in the way he speaks, each word carefully chosen to keep things as civil as possible.

though luc is known to many as being gentle and polite, usually because he just is, that doesn’t mean he isn’t capable of nothing less than being purely furious. though it usually comes from a place of love and devotion, often in response to some injustice or cruelty and rarely occurring at the drop of a hat, when something does anger him, he has no problem speaking his mind if he feels something could be done about whatever’s happened. he just can’t fathom the idea of people sitting by and letting bad things happen, and couldn’t live with himself if he just sat back and watched while someone got hurt. he has a lot of faith in people, and when people let him down, it cuts him deep.

luc was always a restless child, and that’s something that’s continued into the present day. he doesn’t often make it known - but that’s just because he’s always desperate to find something to occupy his time. whether he’s keeping himself busy by studying, planning a fundraiser, cooking, or even just going for a walk, he can’t just sit still and do nothing. the only exception to this is when he’s learning or listening to something, such as when he’s in class or church, but if he has no interest, all he’ll be focused on is how badly he wants to get up and move around again. he simply can’t relax until something that needs to be done is done.

as sociable and polite he is when in church or running fundraisers, luc is truly independent. as much as he enjoys the company of others, he’s equally comfortable in his own company, and much prefers to go over problems in his own head rather than voice them to someone else. although he’ll passionately speak out to help others, he rarely voices a concern if something has to do with him alone - it’s not that he doesn’t want people to worry, but he just figures he has everything under control as far as he’s concerned. he has no problem working on his own, and despite his own insistence when he gets a chance to assist others, he often refuses help for himself, no matter how big or small the problem is.

headcanons.

luc isn’t too sure how he went from being lucien to just luc when he was a baby, but it’s still what he introduces himself as now.

luc has never once had a moment of doubt about god’s existence, but he doesn’t think he really has much say in what happens on earth - he was taught by his childhood parish’s priest father pascal that humans were given free will because god trusted them, specifically trusted them to do good and take care of one another, and that’s a trust luc has always tried to uphold. even so, he does still think he’s always watching and may be able to give some signs, but he mostly turns towards asking saints when he needs specific help with something.

he still follow’s his mother’s belief that all gods from all religions are just aspect of the same spiritual belief of there being something bigger, and learning about those other religions still fascinates him, hence why he majored in theology when he was still studying for his bachelors - he’s still happy to follow his own god, though.

although he would never force any of his atheist friends to come to church or believe what he does, the idea that anyone would choose to believe there’s nothing over believing there’s something does baffle him somewhat.

he still goes to mass every sunday, but he doesn’t hang around the church as long as he did when he was younger - it’s partly a matter of time, partly a matter of the congregation. they’re lovely people, don’t get him wrong - but even after so many years, it’s still not his parish.  

luc isn’t all that much of a tv or movies person - unless it’s about something he’s interested in, he struggles to sit down for long enough to care about what’s happening even for just an episode, let alone a whole series or film. he may have a comedy or just something light on in the background while he cooks, but he doesn’t go out of his way to watch much.

although he’s studying for a masters in social work and does want to do something to help disadvantaged people in his country, he has genuinely considered becoming a priest.

although he hasn’t played since he was in school, he does still love football - he doesn’t often watch it, but if he gets a chance to go out on the oval, he’ll take it without hesitation.

the only language he’s fluent in is french, but he does know enough english to get by and did try to learn some latin from father pascal for certain bible passages - it didn’t really stick.

even though much of his free time is spent studying or organising the chastity club’s cover, he will still try to take a few hours every so often to go and help out in some soup kitchen or another.

he’s deadly afraid of insects - moths especially freak him out

when he was young, he’d often fall asleep with the sound of his mother’s radio coming through the wall, and still now when he’s struggling to sleep he’ll find some radio stream on his phone and listen to it until he nods off.

as much as he tries, he can’t keep a plant alive - he’s made many attempts to grow his own herbs or fruit trees, but to absolutely no avail.

when he’s studying he’ll chew on the ends of his pens, and if he doesn’t have a pen, he’ll bite at his bottom lip - if one were to look closely, they’d notice a patch of it is faintly scarred.

luc has so, so much love in his heart, but despite his few brief relationships, he’s hardly been able to turn any of that love into romance - not yet, anyway.

as willing as he is to help cover up the chastity club’s true nature to the school board or anyone he feels should be hidden from the truth, he doesn’t go to any of the parties they sell at, and hasn’t ever tried any of the product. it’s just not his thing.

he stayed in student housing until he came back to get his masters, and now rents a small place a short walk from the school - when he was furnishing it, he made sure to get a pull-out couch instead of just a regular one, just in case anyone ever needed a place to crash.

he still has the same copy of the bible he poured over as a kid, though out of fear over how worn it’s gotten he mainly keeps it safely in a drawer of his bedside table.

luc is very optimistic and has a lot of faith in others - though he does think things through thoroughly just in case something can go wrong, and is constantly aware of that possibility, he has a lot of hope on his side.

misc.

pinterest starsign: capricorn sun, gemini moon myers-briggs type: isfj-t enneagram: type 2 (the helper) hogwarts house: hufflepuff alignment: neutral good aesthetics: sun coming through a stained-glass window, rainbow dappled on skin. a voice lost in a chorus. a borrowed coat on a chilly morning. the ever-present smell of something cooking, always making enough for plenty of leftovers. restless legs, restless mind. faith that keeps your heart beating, fury that boils your blood. a tongue bitten so frequently it bleeds. unwavering eye contact, no matter how elaborate the lie. burying your head in the sand. murmured passages from a book with worn pages. doing all you can, but still lying awake, wondering if you could be doing more.  

[whenallelsefails-eatpie]

Finally Answering Questions for y’all

Q1: How tall or short do you wish you were?

I used to wish I was taller because I already am tall for an (AGAB)female (5′8 1/2) but then I learned about platforms so. 

4: What was your favorite video game growing up?

Monkey Ball or Sonic Adventure Escape the City...I only had a Gamecube.

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say?

Warning: Uses humor as a defense mechanism but will quickly become extremely invested in you  and give you immense amounts of unending love if they vibe w you

8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic]

Melancholic

9: Are you ticklish?

extremely, on my back and sides (use this information wisely. I take no responsibility for involuntarily punching anyone who tickles me)

10: Are you allergic to anything?

absolutely nothing, allergies are to weed out the weak. (jkjk no eugenics here sis you slay that epipen)

11: What’s your sexuality?

~ pansexual  ~ (prefer agab [not cis, those are two different things] females)

12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa?

tea, then coffee with cocoa. I don’t enjoy cocoa or coffee as much separately.

37: What is your eye color?

hazel/green 

38: Introvert or extrovert?

I’m ambiverted but lean toward introversion. 

44: Do you like tattoos and piercings?

oh yeah absolutely, I personally just prefer that the tattoos aren’t on your face.  Or with piercings that they don’t take up so much of your face that I can’t see what you really look like.

54: What color would you like your hair to be right now?

pink, red, or platinum 56: Something that calms you down?

reading, playing instruments, taking a bath, cooking or baking

57: Have any mental disorders?

yessir. ADD, anxiety. and I used to have really bad depression. Now my depression is simply manageable lol. 

73: What is your MBTI type?

INFP (enneagram 4)

86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes?

surprisingly yes, will I come close to passing out? Maybe. But I can.

87: Do your socks always match?

never, I hate matching my socks unless the socks are funky and need to match to give them the biggest bang for their buck. 

92: A store you hate?

Dick’s sporting goods. I have been dragged around that place for hours and absolutely nothing there interests me. (edit: I found a beanie that I liked but my previous opinion still stands)

93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day?

start counting and never stop. If you mean in terms of actual measurements like cups/ounces, I can drink 20. What can I say I’m from New England.

94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds?

Definitely fly because that might help lessen my fear of heights

95: Do you like to wear camo?

literally shoot me if you ever see me wearing camo. please, I beg you. that will be me at my lowest point 

96: Winter or summer?

Autumn. Next question.

97: How long can you hold your breath for?

3-4 minutes. It’s all that breath control from musical theatre.

99: Someone you look up to:

Jughead Jones. Yes I said that, fight me. He is completely himself and he allows the different facets of his personality to shine through to people that he loves and cares about. He is loyal and caring but also unique and resilient. Plus his fave food is burgers which is an instant win for me.

100: A store you love?

Hot Topic, Barnes and Nobles, Savers or any thriftstore 

102: Where do you live?

New England bb (; gettin that dark academia aesthetic straight from the source

104: What is your favorite mineral or gem?

Amber

105: Do you drink milk?

You mean out of the glass? Like a psychopath? Like a serial killer? Absolutely not

106: Do you like bugs?

I do! Except for spiders and mosquitoes (although I’m warming up to spiders)

109: Can you draw:

Eh yeah ig, well enough. I draw realistically but I’m not great at animated style. 

111: A question you hate being asked?

“Are you a boy or a girl?” (like why? does it personally affect you? are you planning on boning me? if not then buzz off)

113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach?

Yes, but only at night when the beach is quiet. I’m not a huge fan of the beach during the day

114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days?

Rainy or sunny. Don’t go givin me the clouds with none of the drizzle.

119: Favorite thing about a person: 

Personality first and foremost. Humor and kindness. But physically; their smile and mannerisms. 

120: Fruits or vegetables?

Veggies (or berries i like berries)

121: Something you want to do right now:

Run away... ahah. But in all honesty I would love to go mushroom foraging rn, or possibly go on an adventure. Maybe go put on clothing meant for an entirely different time period and run around Target idk.

123: Sweet or sour foods?

Definitely not sour I hate sour. Spoonfeed me wasabi, that I can handle. But if you make me eat a Warheads I will cry. 

129: What would you want written on your tombstone?

I personally have a lot of problems with the funeral industry, so I would rather not take up space and rot preservation chemicals into the earth. But if I had an interim tombstone with no body underneath, it would read “Live Laugh Love” bc ~irony~

131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself?

that I’m very individualistic and stubborn

132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures?

Yes absolutely, that’s what they’re there for.

134: Do you like roller coasters?

Do I like feeling like I’m about to full send through the crust of the earth and die? No. No I do not. (I am a simple person, I go to carnivals for the food and to feed off terror.) 139: What nicknames do you have/have had?

Cookie

141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink?

OH YEAH absolutely, I am a repressed gen z homosexual raised in a homophobic religious atmosphere, I am practically born with a therapist assigned to me.

142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others?

Definitely good -_- unfortunately. Catch me bein the mom friend.

143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help?

I prefer giving, but I am learning how to recieve. 

144: What makes you angry

People who live their lives in willful ignorance despite the endless resources available to them and let that ignorance hurt others.

146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries?

All of em. Gimme em all. I don’t like boys as much currently but I would still probably lay my life on the line for some. 

147: Are you androgynous?

Yes. It’s more fluid than it is being in consistent limbo between masc and femme. Usually I’m androgynous but I often swing wildly between both ends of that socially perceived spectrum. 148: Favorite thing about yourself physically?

My hands or smile(product of bracesTM). But I have been told I have nice hands. 

149: Favorite thing about your personality:

I am a very strong blend of wise and class clown. I can do em both, I can do em well, and I can do em whenever. I also care a lot about others but I don’t change myself to be accepted by them. 

150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person.

MLK Jr. --> I want to gain perspective on some of the current global issues. Jesus --> I’ve got a lot of questions for that dude. JRR Tolkien bc he’s incredible or Joan of Arc for the same reason

151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose?

Ooh well, as a woman not many eras are desirable. But um probably either the 70s or Ancient Greece

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons?

YES. GIMME UR FINGERS > i meant that to sound much less threatening than it did but my statement still stands. 155: Do you like to play with others’ hair?

Yes it’s literally one of my favorite things to do. I hab empty lap. *pat pat* U may lay your head on it and watch Rilakkuma and Kaoru with me while I play with your hair. pls. 157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious:

Women..... That’s it. That’s the tweet.

158: Biggest lie you have ever told:

That I am not a member of the alphabet mafia. (It’s not currently safe for me to come out) Now tell me *shines light in your face* who are your contacts?

164: Do you have long or short hair?

I have medium hair. It’s around the length of a bisexual bob or a good mullet. 

165: Shortest/Longest your hair has ever been:

Shortest was a pixie cut, almost buzzed, amazing. Longest was to my butt and was literally the worst experience in existence. I shall to this day actively rebel against having hair like that again. 

166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religion?

Organized religion can suck it. You can’t organize your relationship with God, nor can you stick it into a little manmade box and pretend that you have the ability to create a perfect faith which others have to either follow or perish. It’s arrogant and damaging and hurtful and not at all what Christianity is supposed to mean. 

167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created?

I do. I think it’s important and something we need to think about. I do believe there is something after death, and I like to believe that my life has meaning. I think that questions of creation are important questions to ask and we can’t just ignore them.

168: Do you like to wear makeup?

Yes! It’s fun! Pretty colors!

170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully?

Absolutely. And the ones I didn’t feel like answering I simply omitted.

[aclassiguy]

nobody’s gonna read this but i’m gonna rant a little as an ex-fundie kid with a perspective on unconscious bias re: thedas’ religions. (i’ll grant you i do not have encyclopedic knowledge of dragon age, so i’m commenting based off what 90% of people know - the games)

If we’re assuming that every interaction concerning the religions in Thedas is intentional, it’s genius. It represents real world religious dynamics so well. But that’s also assuming we’re going to be allowed to confront those religions; otherwise, it’s just a carbon copy with no purpose but to reflect reality. You’re duplicating problems, without offering avenues for solutions or even criticism.

I want to leave this uncut in case a piece of it actually caught someone’s eye for some reason, but I’d feel bad if I did that.

I’m actively agnostic. I have no problem with other people being religious. I react quite negatively to both active and passive attempts at conversion. I know a LOT about Christianity. I know some, though not as much, about other world religions.

We can pretend all we like that Thedas is a world completely separated from reality. “Lighten up, it’s just a game.” I can, however, point to direct parallels between game concepts and real world concepts that I find quite troubling (Blackwall’s plot, certain wartable missions, Descent DLC), I can expound on those at length as well. And of course it’s just a game, and you can stab people with no consequences and all that - that’s fine. Stabbing people in a game isn’t likely to make you think it’s OK to stab people IRL. But a game has the power to subtly reinforce existing biases which can cause real harm.

Christianity is a dominant world religion. In fundamentalist circles, one of the tenets is to spread it to as many people as possible, to save them from themselves. Even casual Christians adopt this attitude when they tell you how sad they are that you’re not Christian, because they think you’ll be happier as one and can’t fathom how you’d be happy without god. I can get REAL deep into Christian psychology, but I’ll spare you. The thing is, this is an insidious train of thought that has been beaten into the world by its victors. Monotheistic religions are treated more seriously than pantheons. The Bible is held as separate and more holy than “myths,” which are treated as little better than Harry Potter novels. Religions that encourage non-Western behaviors are treated as scary, deviant, and oppressive - to be obliterated before they dare to try converting precious Christians - DESPITE Christians actively trying to lure those believers away from their “scary” faith and into Christianity. They think their own religion is more normal, or their own culture is more normal. All of this leads to many, many Christians (as well as your average Westerner) holding really racist, xenophobic views they don’t perceive as racist or xenophobic.

SO LIKE - I’ll just make a bulletpoint list:

Andrastianism = Christianity (esp. Western brand)

Evanuris = Pantheistic religions

Qun = Eastern philosophies

The familiarity and diversity is fine. There’s pros and cons to each religion, just like real life. Thedas is fun because it takes aspects of discrimination like racism and sexuality and pretzels it to be same-but-different. No matter your background, you have the chance to get really involved in the ethical dilemmas provided, the visceral experience of being insulted and responding to insults with pride, and it’s fun to read something new and feel some kind of vindication if you had a suspicion before.

What irritates me currently about the religions is that every time I get a little taste of “Okay, finally, we’re acknowledging the damage a religion like this can do,” I get kicked right the fuck back. I spent so long hating the Chantry more and more because it started to become clear to me the intentional abuse being directed at literally anyone who wasn’t a non-mage human, and even then they abused their own followers to exert further control over mages for personal gain. (Seriously, FUCK the Chantry.) FINALLY, Exalted Plains acknowledged that the Chantry steamrolled over the elves in a brutal slaughter, where Sister Whatserface tried to blame the elves for being “too far from the Maker” but she was a good person for “showing them more mercy than they deserved.” Clear signals that Bioware intended it to be taken as it was - an unjust crusade. Then what do they throw in my face? Some documents intending to show that the elves were “also at fault.” Excuse me? I’m sorry, excuse me?!

Elves had already been the subject of extensive oppression at that point, and given the racist goddamn teachings of Sister Whatserface and ALL THE DIVINES, I can hardly blame the elves for being just a little testy with the humans sticking their noses into their lands trying to force them to convert to Andrastianism. “Equally to blame” my ass. This is a pebble against a boulder. And yet I’m supposed to treat it like some kind of shocking revelation. Ooo - should I turn these documents in to the Chantry to exploit the elves some more, or should I give them to the Dalish, who then react with shame? There’s no just option: have the Dalish explain why maybe elves would be just a little angry, and have my Inquisitor go “oh yeah, that makes sense. kbye”

Finishing up with the Dalish, we get told by some pride demon ass lying fucker that all the Dalish gods that these poor widdle uneducated primitive elves worship were essentially slavers. Hahah. WHAT. Sorry. WHAT. You’re going to make me play through a game with my character’s religion shat on or flat out ignored at literally every turn, and my vindication is to be told it’s all fake and my ancestors were idiots for ever believing? Canonically? Really? When do we get told that we checked the Fade and the Maker wasn’t there and don’t these humans look pretty dumb now?! Or is that too risque because Andrastianism is a little too close to Christianity?

Then there’s the reaction to the Qun. I have loved Qunari since Sten. I honestly think it’s a really cool concept and I would love to explore it more deeply. I also LOVE Sten. Sten seemed so calm and generally fairly accepting, although he had his own flaws. He also had hidden depths - push aside the fronting and you get his cookies and chocolate loving sweetness. (If people hate him, again, come see me after class so we can have a chat on why you stan Blackwall but not Sten?)

But it seems like the Qun is falling victim to the world needing a reliable villain. What was once a mysterious system of beliefs existing outside the concept of the Maker or Dalish gods is increasingly this Scary religion that oppresses women and mages in barbaric ways, and is treated as horrible for trying to spread their religion to other lands (allow me to remind you of Exalted Plains and why every person in the game seems to be Andrastian by default, or at least Andrastian-sympathetic). It’s essentially playing up the fears that makes people uncomfortable with Eastern religions, relying on xenophobia to make them hateable enough that you don’t accidentally end up with too many Qun sympathizers in the playerbase. Even though you can play as a Qunari in Inquisition (hell yeah), you aren’t allowed any kind of Qun background. It’s understandable in some ways, plot-wise, but baffling in others. How much cooler would it be to have access to Qun beliefs like the Dalish has access to the Evanuris?

And now they have the Qunari poised to be the result of doing horrible dragon-blood experiments on elves by MORE slavers, and their religion’s entire purpose is to limit their horrible dragony desires to murder people, but now they want to subjugate others to live under their rule of law to make a horrifying monotone culture. Aren’t these scary-looking Qunari even more scary? There’s a reason to hate them now, they’re canonically more violent, just like the dragons! (Do not get me started on how dragons are treated. Actually, do, I have a lot of thoughts on that too. lmao) REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Then you have the Tal-Vashoth, not only defectors who found fault with the philosophy who are then hunted relentlessly by the believers, but also twisting back on themselves to be crazy violent, therefore simultaneously a condemnation of the Qun and an affirmation of its necessity to keep Qunari from being violent. Where are the defectors from Andrastianism? Literally every ex-fundie Christian kid I know has had a sex and/or drug-fueled meltdown period after having their core beliefs and foundation obliterated. Why do we have all these pure innocent Chantry Virgins, but no defectors? The only atheist you get to meet is your own Inquisitor, and you have a HELL of a time through the whole game as a result of it. (Though I will say the payoff at the very end of the game is so very worth it.) Almost ALL of your companions nag you about why you don’t believe you’re Chosen. I have yet to play as a believer, but I haven’t seen any indications I would be criticized for it.

And so what of Andrastianism? Is it fakery? Lies? Canonically brought into existence to oppress people? The product of slavers?

NOT YET.

Any criticism brought against Andrastianism is neatly and shortly thereafter countered, not by an untrustworthy member of the Chantry but by some word-of-god canon itself. The Maker stands, silent, valid, unchallenged.

There’s nothing wrong with presenting these complex scenarios, but if you don’t have the time, resources, or courage to REALLY plumb these depths, give everyone fair criticism (and it is not fair to ding the predominant world religion with the same criticisms as you level against a dying minority religion), don’t bother. You make the real world problems worse.

[derhaifischderhattraenen]

tagged by: @kernprovinz

tagging: @radiomayak @fury-of-argos @tsarnarozite @gebrochener-adler​ @a-lion-roars​ @zdravstvuysclntse​

FULL NAME: Michael Arwin Schröder, he was named by the members of the German order upon its foundation. Schröder however was his last name since birth.

GENDER AND SEXUALITY: male, bisexual but so far into the closet he lives in Narnia and throws a fit if people merely joke about him having a thing with guys

ETHNICITY AND SPECIES: Northern German, representative/nation

BIRTHPLACE AND BIRTHDAY: He was born at the west coast of modern Germany in the area of the state of Niedersachsen. Michi hardly remembers his old home. As far as birthday goes he has no idea when the date is and never bothered to set one. He celebrates his name day, which is on September 29, according to his patron saint Archangel Michael .

GUILTY PLEASURES: If asked directly Michael would state that he has no guilty pleasures. He either does things he openly admits to doing or he does things that he is extremely insecure about and you shouldn’t poke fun at him for it or it’ll end badly.

That said there are quite a few things he does other people would call sinful. Like the fact that he shamelessly wears socks in sandals and loudly listens to 80s disco music. Then there is his obsession for overly expensive cars. He doesn’t even drive all of them but he buys them anyway and throws loads out money out the window! 

PHOBIAS AND FEARS: One of his prime fears is the fear of being unloved by his little sister. He knows he has been a shit person in his life and a shit brother and while he would never openly admit to it there is a small voice in his head telling him that she resents him for the misfortune he has caused her. In connection to this another thing he fears is that he was still the person who committed all of those horrible acts, that being a warmongering monster was his true nature.

FAVOURITE BOOK GENRE: As silly as it sounds but he loves non-tropey fantasy novels and stories about the medieval era. You’d think he would know better because he lived through the hardships of that time but he feels absolutely nostalgic about the middle ages. Another sort of genre he loves is sci-fi, especially scientific ones. The ideas for new inventions, the strange alien creatures and stories about distant planets. He just sucks it all up.

WHAT THEY WOULD BE INFAMOUS FOR: Michi is infamous for his temper tantrums, his shit sensibility in conversations, his rude manners and the fact that he always was more of a peasant soldier than suited to be a kingdom. He is also infamous for his sort of military obsession, though today he tries to fight that.

WHAT HAVE THEY/WOULD THEY BE ARRESTED FOR: Most of all war crimes and murder. He has killed a lot in the name of Religion. On top of this during the GDR era he willingly committed repeated acts of vandalism, rebellion, revolting, smuggling (items and humans), digging tunnels under the border, listening to illegal music, holding illegal meetings and many other crimes. Michael is also still frequently arrested for starting bar fights.

CHARACTER MOST LIKELY TO MURDER THEM: France and/or Bavaria

CHARACTER(S) YOU SHIP THEM WITH: I don’t really have an OTP for him. It’s like if our muses get along then heck yes lets try it. Though of course I can’t deny that there has been a muse where I especially enjoyed their mess of a relationship. In the end I just don’t see any particular match as his go to ship.

WHY SOMEONE MIGHT LOVE THEM: Michael has an air of confidence and boldness about himself. He is honest, straightforward and not afraid of backing down or saying what was on his mind. Frequently there have been characters that admired there traits about him. I would also say his dedication and ability to persistently work towards a goal are to be inspiring.

On a more personal level what makes him even more likeable is how social he is. Michi will talk to anyone, try to get to know them, have a pleasant conversation and hope to seem approachable. Unless something grave happened he tends to have a cheerful manner about himself and encourage people to join him. Even more so when you gain his friendship he becomes very attached, helpful and kind. Michi would die for his friends and family and he doesn’t hesitate to do the world for them.

WHY SOMEONE MIGHT HATE THEM: He has a strong tendency for throwing fits and going into tirades about the dumbest things. This can be caused by just the tiniest of comments! Overstep his boundaries and you die. Ironically however Michael will not give a damn about overstepping the boundaries of other people. If they can’t take it then they “are too sensitive” and “need to stop being whiny pussies”. He is also in general very unpleasant for timid characters for he straight up refuses to have respect for them. 

Another very infuriating feature of Michael is that he tends to believe he can’t be wrong about things. Especially when he is upset it takes quite a lot of hitting his head until he understands that he may have been overreaction and that he probably has seen things in the wrong light. 

HOW THEY CHANGE: Boi this is a looong story lemme tell ya.... When Michi started out as a wee lil kiddie he was actually a quite sweet obedient child, although he did give his guardians quite a bit of a headache with his shenanigans. However as he grew older and gained more lands as the German Order he really escalated into this whole idea of “I am the divine chosen one, the incarnation of Archangel Michael, who shall bring salvation to this world!!” and he just got... so intense! He was extremely invested in his goals and actually quite arrogant and a know it all.

Then all of it came crashing down when the order was destroyed by the enemy and he spend so many years just sulking over it. Once he accepted his fate and started working for Poland he more of less became a good boy again, he was living his life satisfied with what he has instead of loosing himself in some mad fantasy. Nevertheless he was a cocky young man and childishly egoistic, straight up refusing to do anything for anyone from the German nations because he was still salty about them not helping him when the German Order needed it. 

At the time he quite frankly did not the deserve the kingdom title but he took it and spitted on anyone who was mad about it. He didn’t know at all what the heck he was doing though so Michi had to learn to cooperate and be less of a shit. So I’d say he became pretty nice for a while though there, albeit still a stupid lil’ shit. Then Napoleon happened and it really messed him up. As it all went down he became quite mature but also cold and power-hungry and more angry than before. He started to have this ambition of proving everyone how powerful he was and literary walked over corpses and suppressed people to get what he wanted. It all just escalated the more successful he was until it came crashing down on him starting with the first world war. Then thanks to the second one he spend quite a bit of time on a depression trip. But once he got over it Michi developed to wanting to make up for what he broke and be a better person. Not saying he has become an angel but he really did change for the better. 

WHY YOU LOVE THEM: I mean first of all I gotta admit I love asshole characters. I just love writing a muse with glaring flaws and problems. In this case it’s the way how intense he can be about certain things. Push the wrong button and he goes off and you can’t get out of it, he just keeps going. Also how he is just such a goddamn hypocrite at times. The way he talks can just be atrocious and it makes him so fun to write. But while Michi is a jerk he is also quite sweet and endearing. He can turn to sugar when talking to the right people! And he has the right notions that steer him towards wanting to do the right thing despite his angry fits and idiocy.

Speaking of which one thing I also love about him is his idealism that very often fights his own desires. He is very much immersed in his belief system and wants to stick to the rules as good as possible but sometimes he just.... well. Michael is very much emotional and can’t resist at times. 

Another thing I love is his brutal honesty. Sometimes I seriously can only call him stupid for what he says but no matter what he refuses to back down from it. Michi is just the head-through-the-wall sorta type. He don’t give a shit if there was an open down right next to it, he chose the wall!! Fuck what anyone else is saying!

There is so much more but I think I already typed long enough of a novel here...

[phantombones]

RILEY HAYES-GOLDSTEIN really is the spitting image of MARGARET QUALLEY, right? For someone only EIGHTEEN ( VIRGO ) years old, RILEY has been forced to endure so much. Yeah, that HALFBLOOD has been scraping by at the sanctuary since MARCH, 2028, working as a SUPPLY RUNNER in the DIVISION OF FORAGE. SHE identifies as CIS-FEMALE and is known to be SARDONIC and PESSIMISTIC but also WITTY and MORALLY RESPONSIBLE. Best of luck surviving through this.

CHARACTER PARALLELS: Daria ( Daria ), Seth Cohen ( The OC ), Veronica Sawyer ( Heathers ), Ron Swanson ( Parks & Rec ), Rory Gilmore ( Gilmore Girls ), Pam Beasley ( The Office )

PINTREST: [ x ]

TRIGGERS: parental abandonment, mentions of drugs and alcohol.

LIKES & INTERESTS: Cult Classics - Movies ( Heathers, Dead Poets Society, Sixteen Candles, Ferris Buellers Day Off, Cruel Intentions, The Breakfast Club, Almost Famous ), Blue raspberry Slushies, Donuts, Judaism, Arctic Monkeys, Lana Del Rey, The Smiths, the color blue, writing poetry, e. e. cummings, art museums, greek mythology, rmemes, Rolling joints on her favorite books, biblical mythology, astronomy, astrology ( she finds it very entertaining in a mocking way and would never admit there’s a small part of her that enjoys it ), Star Wars, black cats, black cats named Boggart, black nail polish, tattoos, carnivals, comic books, ferris wheels, puns, the sea, jellyfish, NPR every morning, going to the beach at twilight, 4 am drives, 5am runs, spliff.

POSITIVE TRAITS: Observant, Cooperative, Strategic, Witty, Intelligent, Resilient, Responsible.

NEGATIVE TRAITS: Reserved, Pessimistic, Sardonic, Secretive, Curious ( it will get her into trouble ), Awkward, Suspicious.

When you meet Riley Hayes, a picturesque childhood in a picturesque suburbia is not what you would expect and yet it was exactly what she had. Born on the cusp of summer and fall, Rachel and Christopher were over the moon to have their daughter born on August 28, 2010. Finally, a child to complete the perfect family unit. Maybe they had hoped for a boy despite what science said ( hence the name Riley & a full name for a boy they had prepared ) but, they had a daughter and for the first ten years of her life they pampered her greatly. Trips to the coast every summer to visit his side of the family where Riley was praised for being such a pretty, good girl, and what seemed like infinite love from her father was doled out as long as she was what he wanted her to be. The younger girl was cooperative, it was in her nature it seemed, because she loved seeing her parents happy with each other. As long as Riley stayed within the lines, stayed within Christopher’s lines at least, everything would be well. Even when Riley started to develop a few habits and interests that were off the wall, he brushed them aside as childhood obsessions. Never could he accept his family for what they were which is exactly why he left.

The ugly truth was, Riley was an accident and the picture painted had been a lie – not that Riley knew until then. While she knew they had gotten married young she’d never known how much exactly her mother had given up to be with her father. Rachel Hayes had left her family, forsaken her religion ( as Christopher was a very religious Christian man ), the semi famous Goldstein Wizarding name, and moved down south into this suburbia all with the promise of a family. The biggest thing? Magic. When Christopher left a year before Riley entered Hogwarts school, Riley was forced to grow up and pick up the pieces of a broken lost woman who simply couldn’t find herself in the rubble that was the aftermath of her father leaving. But finding out she was an accident was the least of her worries. No matter how much poetry she wrote trying to figure out her mind, oftentimes thinking she was losing it, something within her was different, something within her felt different.

It took a few months to coax the why from her mother, and truly she was her caretaker. It wasn’t until her 10th birthday when she got the letter from Ilvermony that she realized what exactly was off. When she confronted her mother – her mother just poured everything out to her. Who Riley was, who her family was, what she was doing with her life before she met Christopher. At first, Riley couldn’t believe it – – she’d grown up hiding comics under her bed, hiding anything about the supernatural away. Even if her whole life she had felt a weird pull to these people who didn’t belong in her comics, these freaks, she never in her wildest dreams thought she’d have something in common with them. It all made sense though, and finally the pieces of her life started to come together. Riley knew what she had to do, so at the age of 10, she went with her mother to Wizarding NYC to try to find out more. To try to find the family her mother left behind.

After that, everything fell into place – her family was beyond accepting, even if they gave her shit, more than she’d ever known from her dad’s family and her mom started to get better as she become more true to herself. The family reconciled, helping Riley and Rachel move into a flat in NYC, in Chinatown. Rachel got a job at the ministry as an assistant and with the help of some family members and Riley started to prepare for school Wizarding School. She’d never been more happy in her life. New York City was her home, more than her podunk shitty town ever had, and she felt a freedom that made her wander the city, she felt a freedom to finally be herself. The only issue then? Riley wanted to go to a school far away from everything, because even if New York was her home, she needed to a break from being in the states. A break from all these people who knew who her family was & really, a place that was her own to find her own in the world. Easily, she picked Hogwarts and was delighted when they accepted her no matter how far she was. Hufflepuff was the perfect house for her, even if she wasn’t the most conventional or stereotypical kind of one.

For years, she pushed away a lot of the pain she felt – she figured her pain was her own, it was selfish of her to dwell on it or even think about it when she had this new fantastic life. Only in her poetry would she divulge her feelings, only her poetry knew that she felt inexplicably lost in the world the more she saw it. Around her 14th birthday, she met two boys in school who were a bit older than her but the twins ended up being her half-brothers -- as they found they shared a father. A scumbag father who’d also been horrible to them. It was then that Riley wanted to distance herself from her father even more, fiercely signing and writing her last name as Hayes-Goldstein or just Goldstein when she could get away with it.

The thing was, the reminder of her father, the reminder that he was out there ruining more people’s lives, that he was out there spawning more children really intensely messed with Riley’s head. Why wasn’t she good enough for him to stay? Why couldn’t they have been enough? It was stupid, but the thoughts started to consume her and the lost feeling just got bigger. Picking up vices like smoking, smoking pot, drinking beer like she was her own father after a long day of work, anything to escape the feeling that she didn’t really have a place in this world. Not one she could see. What was she even going to do with her life after school? What did she have to offer the world? A loneliness she could not shake slept with her at night like any blanket did, every day felt like she was smothered. Every day there was a new realization that she didn’t know what the hell she wanted to do with her life, and that she didn’t really have a place in the world. When the climate in the Wizarding World of England became a developing war zone, Riley wanted nothing to do with it but because of who she was – because of what her religion reminded of her – she couldn’t just stand idly by. Riley knew that even if she was Neutral, she would fight with her friends if need be, but nothing prepared for a zombie outbreak.

She had stayed in the UK for the family she’d now made there, the dude squad, her cousins, her brothers, her best friend Isa Potter was there as well. She’d just finished transitioning moving into their new place when the news hit and things spiraled from there, staying by Isa’s side the whole way. Now, she’s been at the castle and misses her old life, more so the comforts of it. Netflix. Memes. Accommodations and not having to worry about the end of the world truly being torn apart - and end near. Riley is beyond fucked up and freaked out by the idea of zombies, finding comfort in her religion but questioning it even further -- how could G-d allow this? She did what she could for the effort at Hogwarts, angry, scared, and simply trying to make sure the people she loves survives as well as herself.

ADDITIONAL INFO:

I once called her a Memelord Shitstain. I stand by that.

Cousin to Nathan Hayes! Also bigger roaster of Nathan Hayes!!

If Lana Del Rey and Weird Al’ Yankovic did a duet, that would be Riley’s vibe. LOL.

Never learned how to properly swim really but often dreams of water and loves water a lot. WILL DEADASS run in water and jump in it but doesn’t go too deep even though she wants to.

Riley is very content with the friends she has, the dudesquad, isa, she’s surprised she even has that many and Loves them. But Riley is becoming more open to people and friends as its the end of the world and WHY NOT? 

Riley has a natural inclination towards legilimency, her first sign of magic was actually poking around someone’s mind in a grocery store and influencing them to eat a random frozen meal on accident but it’s not a developed skill in the slightest and truthfully Riley doesn’t EVER want to go into it. It’s really not developed it’s just like a fun fact. a tidbit!

that’s all she wrote!! I hope this is good and please like this if you’d like to plot!!

[barrypurcell]

Statues of Limitations

Winston Churchill and the quest to find the right standard for public memorialization

On June 7, during a Black Lives Matter protest, a statue of Winston Churchill in central London was vandalized. Rather than properly contextualize the incident as part of a global movement for black rights, many news sources conjured images of unruly gangs of teenagers randomly tagging beloved national monuments (and on D-Day anniversary weekend, no less).

How could anyone, argued Twitter patriots with a Union Jack in their usernames, defile the memory of the man who defeated the Nazis and is widely considered to be the Greatest Briton Of All Time?

What the question forgets, and what history confirms, is that destroying statues is a perfectly legitimate form of political protest. Few complained about the destruction of Joseph Stalin’s statue in Budapest in 1956, or the removal of Saddam Hussein’s statue in Baghdad in 2003, among many others. Whatever problems people have with statues being torn down are more context-dependent than they like to admit.

Some pointed out that no one defaced the statue of Karl Marx that day, presumably in an attempt to paint anyone interested in promoting racial justice as a communist. The “statue” of Karl Marx is actually his tomb, and it was nowhere near any of the protest sites.

There was less harrumphing when a statue of Edward Colston, a slave trader with the Royal African Company, was toppled in central Bristol and thrown into Bristol Harbour on June 7. Ironically, professional restorers intend to preserve the graffiti, as it is now an important part of the history of the statue.

In Ireland, we know how to deal with the stone and metal monuments to our erstwhile colonial occupiers. Statues to William of Orange, King George II, and Viscount Gough had already been destroyed before 1966, when dissident IRA members blew up a statue of Lord Nelson in the middle of the main street of our capital city. The government spokesmen did a good job of acting horrified, but the general reaction was more sanguine.

On June 15, as part of an official statement in response to the defacement of the Churchill statue, Boris Johnson, the English prime minister and author of The Churchill Factor: How One Man Made History, asked: “Where will it end? Are we supposed to haul down Cromwell who killed so many thousands of people in Ireland?”

In England, Oliver Cromwell is widely regarded as a hero and a pioneer of what would eventually and gradually turn into representative democracy. His position in the national consciousness is cemented by a statue outside the House of Commons.

In Ireland, his name is synonymous with brutality and xenophobia. J. Michael Straczynski, the showrunner for season eight of Murder She Wrote, tells the story of how the mere mention of the name Cromwell to an Irish hotel receptionist was enough to cause a cancellation of a wrap party of one of the episodes set in Ireland.

What about a statue’s pedagogical function? Of course a monument could play an educational role, but then again, that’s not the contribution a statue tends to make. Statues of war criminals, perhaps prime candidates for enlightening the citizenry, often fail to convey even a minimal understanding of the figure’s checkered past. Cromwell’s statue has been outside Westminster since 1899, yet Johnson’s comments about his murders will be the first many British people have heard about his ruthless violence against the Irish people.

British colonial crimes are often news to English people. However, once they make the effort to do some research, they often not only realize their mistake, but conclude that, in the words of former cabinet minister and Johnson’s fellow-Conservative, Michael Portillo, the “ignorance of Ireland among the British is rather shocking.”

Their Finest Hour

Despite the air of mystery surrounding initial reports, Black Lives Matter protesters did not work very hard to hide their opinions about Winston Churchill. After all, they did not merely deface the statue, but they painted the specific accusation “was a racist” under his name. This appears to be unambiguously true.

In 1920, Churchill established and deployed the Royal Irish Constabulary Special Reserve to Ireland. This group, known in Ireland as the Black and Tans, was notorious for its human rights abuses and war crimes.

In 1943, Churchill had thousands of tons of rice shipped out of India for use in the war effort, while a famine hit millions of Indians, whom he regarded as “a beastly people with a beastly religion.” Churchill was reluctant to send relief on the basis that Indians “breed like rabbits.” (Ireland had a similar problem from 1845–1849, when exploitative English government policies caused a famine while massive shipments of grain were simultaneously being exported.)

In 1902, he called China a “barbaric nation” and in 1954 said he didn’t “like the look of [Chinese people] or the smell of them.”

In 1922, as Colonial Secretary, he financed the Wahhabis in Saudi Arabia despite stating that they were “intolerant, well-armed, and bloodthirsty.”

In 1937, when discussing the future of the Arabs in Palestine, he said that the Arabs could hardly complain that “a stronger race, a higher-grade race … has come in and taken their place,” as this was, in his view, the natural order.

Moreover, the warm feelings Brits in the 1940s had for Churchill’s defeat of the Nazis did not translate to blind worship of the man. He was decisively voted out of office in 1945 in favor of Labour’s Clement Atlee, albeit for reasons entirely unconnected with his racism.

This litany of shame is not to besmirch the memory of Churchill in particular. The point is that statues don’t educate anyone unfamiliar with the subject. If you don’t know anything about Winston Churchill, then a statue erected to him without any context could be reasonably interpreted as a celebration of his achievements, whatever they might be.

The statue depicts the well-documented Hitler defeater, but doesn’t tell us much about the brutal racist. That’s not appreciating, or even acknowledging, history. That’s not education of any kind. That’s propaganda.

In a long Twitter thread, the same Boris Johnson tweeted that “we cannot pretend to have a different history” and that the abuse of statues is “to lie about our history.” However, there is a legitimate argument that many of these statues were erected specifically to pretend to have a different history in the first place.

It’s understandable to erect thoughtless memorials to people who were heroes given the standards of the time. It’s less understandable when you find out that huge chunks of British history have been intentionally “censored and airbrushed,” including the “mass destruction of documents,” the kind of thing we correctly mock Stalin for, and which forms the basis of Winston Smith’s job in Nineteen Eighty-Four.

Nor is this old news. More recently, the Home Office destroyed evidence of the right to citizenship of thousands of Windrush immigrants. In 2013, the Conservative Party deleted an archive of their speeches from their public website, in a move which demonstrates the extent of their commitment to transparency and preserving the historical record more than tweeting about a statue.

The Germans, natürlich, have a word to describe the entire ideology behind dealing with all the awkwardness of a murky past, the glorious rollercoaster of Vergangenheitsbewältigung. There is no German who is not aware of the Third Reich, and they manage to achieve that awareness without putting up statues to war criminals. They accept their history, but they are very careful to avoid anything which could be confused with a celebration of it.

In the same way that German targets of the Holocaust could reasonably feel angry if there were a statue of a Nazi outside the Rathaus, is it not reasonable for English black people to feel angry when there is a statue of a slave trader in the middle of town?

Reading History

Conservatives love the idea that the destruction of statues is somehow editing history because they subscribe to the idea that history is a collection of immutable names and dates and unquestionable facts.

History as a discipline, however, can be better understood as a series of competing narratives, and the project of historians is to identify, evaluate, and eventually assemble for themselves those narratives. To historians, names and dates are the mere raw material of facts. Facts have no inherent meaning, because meaning is something we do. It is an action, not a property.

Historians learn to fear any person or organization who claims ownership over the collective memories of the past.

Students of history will be constantly aware of the need to keep an open mind, to adapt their approach to different types of information, to understand that the prevailing theory is just that, the prevailing theory, and that phrases like “we only use the facts” and “this is an objective account” are fairly reliable indicators that something is about to go badly wrong.

Arc Digital, 20 August 2020

[radioactive-tiefling]

Ask meme: Lux

My good good buddy @captain-atlantic asked me to answer all 30 questions for one of my characters, so here’s lux! My newest dnd character, a fallen aasimar raven queen Warlock.

1: What’s your OC’s biggest insecurity and how would they react if someone pointed it out to them?

Lux is insecure about her motives for what she does sometimes, but feels it is wrong to doubt it. If someone else doubts it, it gives her a chance to explain at length exactly why she’s doing what’s best, and convince herself as well as the person who doubted her.

2: If your OC wants to buy a firearm, what it might be for?

In a modern au where guns exist, I think it would have been to kill her abusive guardian/ break herself and her friend out of the church where they grew up.

3: Does your OC behave differently around different people, if so with whom and how?

yes, she always had masks for different people. It used to be she seemed either incredibly pious or incredibly rebellious to everyone except her friend lyra, but after they’ve been separated for a year she puts on a more secretive face with her, like she’s trying to hide something. With the other members of the party she purposely goes out of her comfort zone to try and make connections.

4: Would your OC want to involve themselves in humanitarian work ? If yes, then for what? If not, then why not?

She kind of thinks of what she’s doing already as humanitarian, even if it involves helping police death. However, she has some issues with many churches and other organizations that claim to be humanitarian, since she thinks they’re all too easily corrupted.

5: How would your OC generally react to someone being verbally abusive towards them for no apparent reason?

she would ignore it at first, and try to appear sarcastic and jaded about the comments. If she responds at all, it would be with joking agreement or by making fun of the abuser. If she ever actually looks angry, you should run.

6: Does your OC have a realistic image of their own intelligence?

she knows she’s pretty smart, but she constantly beats herself up about her slow (in her mind) progress. She trusts what she already knows, but works hard to learn more because she believes it’s the only way to move ahead.

7: Does your OC have any irrational phobias?

Anything/ anyone being in her mind. Her angel spoke mind to mind with her for her whole life, and now even the message cantrip can cause her to panic, especially if she isn’t expecting it. Possession and gaslighting are a real fear of hers and any time anyone is in her mind, for any reason, her first thought is that the angel is back.

8: How is/was your OC’s relationship with their parents?

she never knew her parents. They were farmers and gave her up as an infant. They were devastated about it, but poor enough that they couldn’t afford to raise a blind child who couldn’t help make money on the farm. They chose not to visit her or know her because they didn’t want her to miss them.

9: Does your OC feel a pressure to achieve or are they content and calm with doing what they can at the moment?

she feels incredible pressure to achieve. Despite only just getting her powers, she is desperate to impress the raven queen and advance in her forces, and feels that nothing she does is enough to progress the way she needs to.

10: Does your OC guard their emotions by being tough? If not how would they?

she mostly guards her emotions with humor and dry, sarcastic comments about herself. Either that or by ignoring emotions as much as possible.

11: How would your OC react to hearing they’re adopted?

She already knows, and did since she was a child, that her parents gave her up for adoption.

12: What is one of the most primary thing your OC feels that is missing from their life?

friends, and the ability to get close to people without hurting them or them hurting you.

13: What kind of situations does your OC avoid the most?

Anything involving organized religion

14: If your OC gets into a fight with their best friend, would they wait for their friend to make up with them, or would they try to make up with their friend?

most of the time she would try to make up first. However, she sometimes gets into fights because of something she’s hiding, and in that case she continues to hide it rather than make up.

15: Does your OC consider themselves a good person?

no, not really. She works for death and is obsessed with killing a creature most people would see as “purely good.” She pretty much decided to leave the idea of goodness behind her, because people will never accept goodness from someone they think is bad.

16: Is your OC good at giving others validation of their feelings and making them feel understood?

She thinks she’s not great at it, but she really tries if it’s someone she cares about or wants to grow closer to. She’s naturally charismatic, so even if she doesn’t know how people feel they tend to listen to her anyway.

17: Does your OC suffer from any mental health issues?

she probably has PTSD, and minor OCD.

18: What kind of intrapersonal values does your OC have? (values about their self, what makes them feel like a valid person)

she feels valid as long as she’s working towards a goal. Whether that’s making friends or impressing the raven queen, progress and new discoveries fuel her and make her even more motivated to keep going.

19: What boosts your OC’s confidence the most?

the biggest confidence boost is when she gains more power, or when someone actively chooses to do something nice for her.

20: Does your OC hurt others often unintentionally? If yes, how?

yes, often by shutting them out of things or appearing to brush them off.

21: Does your OC hurt others often intentionally? If yes, how?

yes, for her job or for a goal. She uses magic to control or hurt people most of the time.

22: How does your OC usually show affection? Are they openly romantic or more restricted with their affectionate emotions?

she used to be much more affectionate, with her best friend. If she’s close to someone, she’s generally a very tactile person since with lyra they had to be touching to even communicate (she’s blind, lyra’s mute, so they used a form of physical sign language.)

23: Does your OC tend to hide something about their personality/essence when meeting new people? If yes, what?

yes, she mostly hides the fact that she’s not really a “good” person. She also tends to hide insecurity and reactions to anything that might hurt her.

24: How would your OC react if they got humiliated by someone in a group of people?

probably laugh about it. If it was really bad, she’d cause a scene with magic to scare them out of messing with her again.

25: How would your OC process the grief caused by the death of a loved one?

she wouldn’t do it very well. She’s new to working with the raven queen, but currently sees it as a solution to everything if she can just get strong enough. She would probably remain in denial/bargaining, insisting that if she works harder and becomes stronger she can fix it.

26: What is the most intense thing your OC has been battling with?

PTSD from her childhood with an abusive angel whispering in her head night and day. She’s still trying to get past it over a year after falling.

27: Does your OC practise any kind of escapism? If yes, what kind?

her main form of escaping is her dry humor and self deprecation.

28: How would your OC react if a bully stole their lunch money in high school?

probably with a quick command spell to get it back, then walk off leaving them wondering what she did to them.

29: How do they behave on the face of a conflict?

almost scary casual, trying to look the part of a warlock of the raven queen to prove her worth.

30: What makes your OC defensive quickest?

Slights on people she cares about, and people questioning her motives.

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

I know this blog talks a lot about dealing with intolerance from family/friends who are anti-LGBT+, but how do you talk to other LGBT people who are against the teachings of Christianity?

Hey there! This is a really good question, and I’m glad you asked it because I’ve been meaning to address this for a while.

To start with, I think few people in general are against the “teachings” of Christianity – the teachings of Christianity are things like service, love, and reconciling relationships, after all. Rather, non-Christian LGBT+ people are sometimes wary of or against Christians or the Church, as many Christians are in places of power that oppress LGBT+ people. So I’ll respond to this ask with that in mind instead.

Below, I trace out some suggestions for dialogue with non-Christian LGBT+ people about Christianity. 

1. Assess your own capabilities for dialogue. 

Since this tends to be an intense topic and can get very personal, it’s wise to enter this kind of dialogue with a good idea of how much mental, emotional, and spiritual energy you have for the conversation.

Talking about why you are Christian as an LGBT+ person, with LGBT+ people who have a problem with Christianity, can be emotionally exhausting and spiritually challenging. Think about whether you are in a place where you can deal with their questions and emotions without becoming too upset. It is important in these dialogues to keep calm and kind – not to respond to their anger with your own anger. Think also about whether you are spiritually ready to grapple with this difficult topic – it’s okay not to be ready.

You are not obligated to have these conversations! If a person tries to get you to explain yourself and you don’t feel you can, simply say so: “I respect how you feel, but I’m afraid I am not in a place where I can have this conversation with you. Do you mind if we talk about something else?” 

Another option: “I would like to have this talk with you, but I need to take care of myself too. Are you able to talk about this without directing your anger towards me specifically?” 

If they have a tumblr, you can even direct them to our blog; we are always happy to answer respectful questions. 

Be ready to back out of the conversation if it gets too much for you – it’s not “losing” to say you need to stop talking.

2. Approach them from a place of understanding. 

The most important thing to me when encountering other LGBT+ people who are against Christianity is to enter the discussion from a place of understanding. LGBT+ people have plenty of reasons to be wary of Christianity. Despite being a faith meant to worship a God who constantly aligns Themself with the oppressed and exploited, Christianity has all too often been taken and misused by oppressors to legitimize prejudice and injustice.

Here is the way I see a part of the issue: Christianity is so tangled up in certain “Western” ideologies that it is hard to pull them apart. To me, Christianity is not inherently homophobic/transphobic/etc. – but rather, because Christianity is so tied up in social systems that are heteronormative and LGBT-phobic, many people – Christian and otherwise – grow up assuming these ideologies are themselves Christian ideologies. Speaking from my perspective in the USA, heteronormative viewpoints are what have been normalized in our culture, and (quoting Black theologian Howard Thurman) “if normal, then correct; if correct, thenmoral; if moral, then religious” – religious here meaning Christian, because that is the religion of the people in power.

So many Christians who have absorbed LGBT-phobic ideology both in church and in society at large use their faith to legitimize that ideology – and therefore use their faith to harm LGBT+ people. When Christians are the ones in power constructing laws that deny LGBT+ people basic rights, when Christians so often claim that “God hates” LGBT people or that the Bible condemns being gay, how can we blame non-Christian LGBT+ people for steering clear of Christians, or for feeling anger or even hate against Christianity? 

Thus, when encountering these LGBT+ people, assure them that you understand why they feel the way they do. Acknowledge that Christianity has indeed caused harm – don’t deny it.

3. Be patient. But take care of yourself, too.

Remember that while you as an LGBT+ person are part of a marginalized group, as a Christian, you are (depending on your country) a member of a privileged religion. As such, it is good to acknowledge how we Christians often get to have the loudest voice – you do deserve a voice, but let them speak too. 

As touched upon earlier, the person you are talking with might be aggressive about how they feel, they might say things about Christianity that hurt you. Try to keep your emotions as calm as you can. Be patient and listen to what they have to say. Remember that they are not really angry at you specifically, or even about “all” Christians: they are hurt and angry with Christians who have enabled and enacted LGBT-phobia. 

That being said, if their comments do become too accusatory, too much like an attack on you personally, that’s not okay, and you have a right to tell them that’s not okay. Balance between listening to what they say and understanding their need to vent their hurt and taking care of yourself and not letting them step all over you and your feelings.

3. If you’re willing, share your side of things.

If you are LGBTA+, chances are you’ve been hurt by Christians too, even if you’re Christian yourself. Dealing with being told you’re sinning, struggling to overcome internalized homophobia, losing the support of Christian friends and family members, having to stay in the closet to protect yourself, losing the support of a congregation when you come out to them, having your own scripture be used against you – we know this hurt too. Tell them about it if you are willing to do so – that you know firsthand the hurt they’re experiencing. 

LGBTA+ people of faith face challenges from both sides – LGBT+ people tell us we are “betraying” the community; Christians tell us we need to give up important aspects of ourselves. You can try to explain this and the pain it causes you to be confronted by fellow LGBTA+ people. You deserve to be accepted in the community as much as non-religious LGBT+ people do.

4. Answering their questions.

There are common questions and comments non-religious LGBT+ people have for us; I’ll try to offer some answers you can use to discuss this topic with them.

“You’re sellouts / betraying the LGBT+ community by being Christian.” “You aren’t really LGBT+ if you’re Christian.” We are LGBT+, and we have every right to be active members of the LGBT+ community. Everyone has a right to intersecting identities, and we should not have to lose one part of who we are to satisfy members of another part of our identity. The idea that we have to “choose” one or the other is an argument used against way too many marginalized people – we do not need to pick a side. 

“You’re brainwashed into being Christian.” “You’re only Christian because you’re conditioned to believe in it.” – While it is true that many of us became Christian by being born into the faith, we as LGBTA+ people stay Christian in spite of overwhelming odds against us. If we were only Christian because of being “brainwashed,” it would be easy – we wouldn’t have questions or struggle with our own faith. On the contrary, to stay Christian as an LGBTA+ person means wrestling with hard questions and dealing with opposition from both Christian and LGBTA+ communities. Many of us have a rocky relationship with our faith for a while or forever. And that’s okay.

“Why bother be Christian when Christians have hurt you so badly?” Black Theologian Howard Thurman opens his 1949 book Jesus and the Disinherited with a question asked to him by a Hindu man: “How can you, a black man, be Christian?” – referring to the oppression inflicted by white Christians on African Americans. The long and short of Thurman’s answer is that, in spite of the pain and exploitation too often inflicted by Christians in positions of power, the oppressed have always been able to see past that misuse of the Christian message to the true message lived out by Jesus Christ: a message of liberation for all. In all places, in all times, God stands with the persecuted and marginalized, overturning unjust systems. In spite of everything humans can do to mar the name of Christianity, Christ’s truth shines through, and we believe that in following Jesus we follow a way that leads to a better world. 

“Well why not just follow Jesus on your own? Why bother with other Christians?” One cannot be a Christian in a vacuum – it is a religion of relationships. We are called to be in relationship with God and with human beings – as God’s love spills out from the Trinity into the whole world, so our love must spill over all boundaries built by hate and prejudice. Being a Christian involves building bridges between the oppressor and the oppressed, working to uncover injustice and bring about healing. It is our hope that by being an example of good fruit and glorifying God with our authentic lives as LGBT+ Christians, we can guide the Church as a whole into understanding that we too are an invaluable part of the Body of Christ.

If there are other comments or questions you’ve heard from non-Christian LGBT+ people that you’ve been wondering how to respond to, send them in and I’ll do my best to answer them! Or, if you have ideas for answers of your own, it would be great to share them.

Non-religious and religious LGBTA+ people are much more similar than we are different – we all face homophobia, transphobia, and denial of rights. It is important to engage in dialogue that leads to understanding so that we can work together to improve our world.

[piratefalls]

posting because my friend @ampersandy doesn’t have facebook anymore.

this is what i took from my experience at my local women’s march.

--

When I debated going back to college – a luxury I am lucky to have, especially with the knowledge that I will not be accruing new debt – I struggled with where I wanted my education to go. I had no idea what area of study I wanted to fall in, having too many interests that rarely intersect to decide on just one department. I applied anyway, knowing that at least being accepted gave me more options than I had as someone on the outside looking in. Most of the classes I was interested in were full by the time I was allowed to register, and one of the only classes left that I had any interest in was a Gender and Women’s Studies course titled: “Queer Lives, Queer Politics.”

After yesterday, I don’t believe that this was in any way a coincidence.

All semester long I learned about power structures, both social and legislative, that put certain groups of people at a disadvantage the further they are from that power source. That power source, generally speaking, is a white, able-bodied, straight, cisgender male. Are you a person of color? Take a step back. Are you employed? If you are, stay put. If not, take a step back. Are you poor? Take another step back. Are you disabled? How’s your access to healthcare? Higher education? Take a step back for every one of these things you do not have at your fingertips. That is your relationship to power and the people who have the most influence. I want to make this post, and my experience at yesterday’s Women’s March on Champaign-Urbana, about those power structures.

Yesterday, I stood in a muddy park on an unseasonably warm, beautiful January afternoon, surrounded by women of color, of different ability, of different socioeconomic status, of varying levels of education, women who are transgender, and I listened. I was given a reminder that I desperately needed.

This is about more than just fair wages, but I want to break something down here really quick. I know everyone gets tired of hearing the phrase: “for every dollar that a man makes, a woman makes $0.79.” This is both true and misleading. For every dollar that a man makes, a woman does make less. The year after President Obama signed the Lily Ledbetter Fair Pay Restoration Act (2010), the statistics broke down as follows:

White men: 100 Black men: 74.5 Hispanic men: 65.9 White women: 80.5 Black women: 69.6 Hispanic women: 59.8

Wage discretion is real, but it is more real for people of color than it is for me.

This is about more than just sexual assault and rape. Now, if you know me at all, you know that violence against women is an issue I hold close to my heart, for reasons that don’t need to be rehashed here. But when we think about sexual assault and rape, what is the kind of person who comes to mind when you think of a victim? If you pay attention to the media at all, you probably imagine a white woman in her 20s. What they don’t tell you is that while 80% of all victims are white, minorities are somewhat more likely to be attacked. This breaks down as follows:

All: 17.6% (approx. 1 in 5) White: 17.7% Black: 18.8% Asian/Pacific Islander: 6.8% American Indian/Alaskan: 34.1% Mixed Race: 24.4%

And that doesn’t even include rape and sexual assault committed against men. Yes, women can be rapists too. According to a 2002 NCVS report, one in every eight rape victims were male. When we have a conversation about sexual assault and what needs to be done to end rape culture, we must include ALL victims, not just women. This also does not include rape and sexual assault committed against members of the trans community, which most studies reveal a whopping 50% will experience sexual violence at some point in their lifetime.

This is about more than reproductive rights. This is about access to life-saving healthcare. Viagra and vasectomies are covered by insurance plans, and no one bats an eye. When women want access to birth control, suddenly everyone is in a tizzy. You see what I’m getting at here? Dudes want to prevent pregnancy and that’s fine, but when we want to take control of our ability to get pregnant, suddenly we’re making irrational choices and need the government to intervene. Never mind the fact that the pill is not prescribed SOLELY to prevent pregnancy, but is also used in treatments for endometriosis, PCOS, and adult acne.

Also, please do actual research on Planned Parenthood, because they really are an incredible organization that provides sex education, whose goal is to reduce teen pregnancy through education, and provide women – a good portion of whom are low income and cannot afford hospital visits – with quality preventative healthcare like pap smears, mammograms, cancer screenings, and STD testing. If you can’t do it right now, that’s fine. In the meantime, let me give you a short primer: taxpayer money does not pay for abortions because Title X exists, abortions are 3% of their total services, and someone getting an abortion is none of your damn business anyway.

This is about more than just an Electoral College-elected leader we feel does not represent us. Or, at least, represents some of us. “How did this happen?” we kept asking ourselves on November 9. “Aren’t we better than this?” I thought we were, too. But, again, that’s my privilege speaking.

However – and this is something I find incredibly interesting – the exit polls of this most recent election tell a very interesting story. Most of the people I saw on Facebook after the election who were angry, or saddened, or just lamenting the fact that we’d elected probably the least qualified individual in recent history to our highest government position, were predominantly white. You want to know who put him in office? Predominantly white people. Exit polls in CNN show that 62% of white men and 52% of white women voted for Trump, with only 7% and 5% voting for neither candidate or not voting at all, respectively. Everyone else – black men and women, Latino men and Latina women, and other minority groups – overwhelmingly voted Clinton or didn’t vote for either/vote at all. I’m still trying to parse how I feel about this one, honestly, but I’m sure I’ll let you guys know when I figure it out.

I wanted to believe that we were better than a person who sought to divide us under the guise of making this country great again. America is, and can be, great, despite the fact that its history has not always been great. I know, I know, “We weren’t part of slavery, so why do I still have to defend myself against it? I didn’t kill all those Native Americans when Columbus sailed the ocean blue!”

First of all, DUH. You were born in 1993. This is hardly something I can put solely on your shoulders. BUT - and this is the part we struggle with - these terrible things ARE part of this country’s history, and we DO have to own that. Do we have to be proud of it? No. In fact, I’d encourage you to not be proud of it. However, as a historical moment, are we not supposed to learn from it? Are we not meant to arm ourselves with information so that we do not repeat what’s been done? That is why these conversations still take place: because we keep forgetting.

What this is about is togetherness. This is about recognizing where your place is in this world and using it in whatever way you can to lift up those who are not as fortunate as you. This is about the importance of mobilization. It is about feminism that is not limited to just white women, but is inclusive of all people regardless of gender expression, sexual orientation, race, creed, socioeconomic status, and physical ability. This is about the importance of knowing when to speak and when to sit down and listen; the importance of me, as a white woman, knowing my place at a table that is not designed to make me feel comfortable, or congratulate me for finally catching up with everyone else, but rather teach me how I can be better even if it involves hearing hard truths. My job, as a white woman, is to listen, to get educated, and to amplify the voices of women and men throughout history that our textbooks have silenced for far too long.

This is about learning the meaning of true ally-ship, that not all things are about you, but are about others and how you can do something that benefits them. Being an ally is hard work, and it’s supposed to be. We must not let our sisters be swept aside because of their skin, or their queerness, or their religion or ability or the life she chooses to lead. We must embrace them, encourage them, raise their voices when they are not being heard. True equality cannot be achieved until we are ALL equal players on the same field, in all facets of life, status, and government. We do not yet have these things.

Being brave is not about convenience. Being brave means stepping up to the plate even when it’s hard, when there’s nothing in it for you, when it scares you. Being brave is a lot of things, but it has never been, nor will it ever be, easy. I will be the first to admit that I have not always been brave. But I am going to try. I’m going to get more involved. I’m going to be a voice, a mouthpiece for other women who need to be heard much more than I do.

Whether you believe it or not, as a white individual, you ARE privileged. Having the luxury of not noticing that privilege is something women of color, trans women, poor women, and disabled women do not have.

At the end of all of this, all I’m asking is that you think about where you stand in this world, and the power you hold simply by existing. Have you ever gone to sleep wondering where your next meal will come from? Have you ever gone to sleep cold because you couldn’t pay your bills? Have you ever missed out on important moments in your kid’s lives because you had to work to make sure they were fed? Have you ever been followed around in a shopping mall because someone decided that YOU were the sketchy person they needed to police that day? If you haven’t experienced these things, you might be privileged.

The question is: what will you do with it?

[theliterateape]

Ripe for Indoctrination and Thirsty for a Glass of Ice Cold Kool Aid

by Don Hall

It happened my Junior year in high school at a stadium concert in Western Samoa.

The conversion had been a long time coming. I was a bit of an intentional outcast among the more popular kids in my Where-the-Fuck-Are-We? Kansas high school and, being a typical teenager despite my ingrained belief that I was fully non-conforming and different than this cast of Heartland Rednecks, finding inroads to the cool crowd was definitely on my mind.

Krystal Good (name changed because I’m not a complete dick). She was the captain of the cheerleading squad and president of the school’s chapter of the FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes). Turned out one did not need to be an athlete but you had to be a Christian or at least be open to the relentless witnessing and Bible studies. The thing is I wanted to fuck Krystal. She was untouchable but hung out with that FCA crowd.

At one point, I randomly asked her how to join. Her reaction was effusive.

“Oh, Don. I’m so happy you’re asking. You would be such a powerful witness for Christ.” And she held my hand for a moment that, in my head, was instantly underscored by some awful Christopher Cross song. I was hooked.

Remarkably, as I started attending, I mostly listened and kept my built-in skepticism at bey. I wasn’t there to antagonize the Believers — I was there to get a finger into Krystal’s cheerleading panties. Once I understand the language and the right things to say, I went in for the facade.

I was a True Believer in Getting Laid Through Profession of Non-Existent Faith.

Meetings were almost always the same. Krystal would lead an opening prayer that was designed to remind us all of our supplication to the Lord followed by what could only be called vapid confessionals: each of us had to relate a couple of sins we committed during the week and how we repented for them.

“I cheated on my algebra test. I felt really guilty so I went out of my way to be nice to [INSERT ONE OF THE THREE BLACK KIDS IN SCHOOL].” “I lied to my mom about being at practice because I was playing Dig Dug at the Circle K. I promised God that I would be honest next time.” “I felt really angry at Mr. Telfer and wanted to kill him. I guess I didn’t kill him so that’s OK, right?”

At which point, once we had all told our stone-skipping sins (we rarely got into drug-taking, drinking, or sex because, hey, that’s personal and between me and Jesus...) it all devolved into a standard high school gossip session complete with Mountain Dew, Taco-flavored Doritos, and fudge brownies that one of the girls made in Home Ec.

Despite my efforts to cozy up to Krystal, it was never to be. She really was untouchable. On the other hand, my newfound faith became an entry point to many lesser desired vaginas so it wasn’t a total waste.

Close to the end of my Junior year, I was encouraged to audition for a touring mission group called The Continental Singers. Effectively a proselytizing show choir with a six-piece band, the bonus was summer travel. That summer the group was going to Fiji, Tonga, New Zealand, and the Samoan Islands. Plus, we got paid a stipend and had free housing and food.

I put on my best On Fire for the Lord attitude, answered all the questions right, played a few bars on my trumpet and I was in.

What I didn’t realize was that I was now going to spend my every waking hour for three months with True Believers. A few of them spectacularly hot young women. This was going to be a challenge to keep up the pretense and not expose myself for the poser I had become.

Early into the summer, my rooming partner, Steve, started to catch on. When my guard was down, I didn’t seem that Christian in his opinion. Sure, I had all the right answers but got quickly bored with too much dogma and talk of the Bible. Word sort of spread and the indoctrination became a bit heavy-handed.

The show we performed went like this:

Band played an overture

The ‘show’ was an originally written version of Joseph and His Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat but with different music and some really terrible dialogue. Turned out a lot of it was verbatim from the Word of God so I’m assuming God can write a bestseller but not a musical.

Following the show (about 45 minutes in length) our director would come up and do a “Come to Jesus, Won’t You?” sermon followed by an opportunity for anyone in the audience to receive the call, embrace the love of Christ, and publicly commit themselves to God.

The last part was always eloquent and a bit relentless. 

“You know in your heart that you are a sinner in need of redemption.” “Man is born in sin and must accept the saving grace of our lord.” “Jesus died to fulfill the Law of the Old Testament. Confess your sin and it will be washed clean.” “How about a couple of bucks once you’ve joined?”

OK. That last line was more implied than stated but the last section of the night was a prayer and offering plates passed around by the cast while the band played inspiring tunes adagio. People came up in droves to publicly admit they were permanently stained with sin and receive the acceptance of the rest of the herd.

We were mostly free during the day and we would go out in teams to recruit audience members for that night. The teams shifted around and almost every day I was gently nudged toward the idea that, while I was a Christian (wink wink) it was a beautiful experience to re-affirm my faith publicly.

Every day for 45 days or so this message was pounded into my soft adolescent brain and often by these stellar looking women of Christ. The Kool Aid was looking mighty tasty and I began to question whether my resistance to the whole thing was merely my sinful ways fighting back. It was as if they’d heard my objections a thousand times and didn’t need me to say them out loud to pitch their liturgical woo.

Mind you, this was long before smartphones and I was thousands of miles from home. I felt isolated but only because I simply couldn’t intellectually buy into the party line. I missed American food, my car, my friends, television, movies, and books written by living authors without the agenda to convert me to religion. I missed masturbating and saying ‘fuck’. I missed being myself.

One night at a show in Western Samoa in August, as the director was making his emotional pitch, when he asked if there was anyone who wanted to commit themselves to Christ, he looked directly at me. Three or four of the cast members followed his gaze and looked at me with smiles that said “We understand. Take the leap. We approve.”

And I drank the Kool Aid. All of it. In one weepy gulp.

I was dubbed “Born Again.” And I believed it as firmly as I had previously disbelieved.

From that point, I was in the freaking club. Knowing that soon we’d all be back in various states around the country, the talk was that our friends wouldn’t understand but it was our responsibility to show them. I was told that anyone we couldn’t get to see the power of Christ was a poison that we should cut out of our lives. Friends, family, anyone. Either with us or against us with no wiggle room on it.

When I came home I had heard the pitch so many goddamned times it was like a script filled with buzzwords and catchphrases that I could recite with gusto.

Some five years later, the magic wore off. While my mom is the kind of Christian who truly tries to judge no one and feed the poor, too many I encountered were not. She and the people I’ve met through her are the kind of True Believers you read about and by whom you should be inspired (that’s not me being partial to my mom - she started a Food Bank in a closet of a church that has now grown to serve four counties in rural Kansas). Most were either wearing their Jesus Bowling Shirts each week or worse — the kind of Christians who teargas a group of peaceful protesters so they can walk across the street to pose with a Bible and then make a campaign video about it. You know, the pussy-grabbing kind of Christians.

What happened during those five years are stories for a different time but the result of this conversion and the later coming to my senses is this: I know cult-think when I hear it. When it rears its head, I’ve been there.

Faith is a very personal thing. Like watching a Marvel movie or reading the 1619 project, it requires a certain suspension of disbelief. It can be a salve in the human experience as we are creatures born to existential crisis. Turns out, we need something to hang onto beyond our own survival to thrive as a species. It can also be used as a bludgeon for power and cultural control and has often in history been exactly that.

I understand how easy it is, seeking the approval of others, to agree to a guilt that isn’t yours to bear out of a sense of belonging (or to get laid). Of confessing sins you don’t feel at all responsible for but do anyway because that Kool Aid is delicious, ain’t it? The reward of feeling like you’re accepted by the crowd, that you are, indeed, a voice for the word of...whomever is selling the most potent elixir, is comforting.

One of the hallmarks of a cult is that it tries to cut you off personally from anyone who sees the world differently than they do. When you see people urging others to completely cut off their friends and families over an issue, it's a cult. Anyone selling you the idea that you are “born in sin” based entirely upon inclusion in your race, gender, sexual preference is pitching a cult mindset. Any concept that creates a circular maze of proof (If you admit you’re a sinner, you’re a sinner. If you deny you’re a sinner, you’re a fragile sinner) is offering you an ice cold glass of Kool Aid.

Remember that there are, like, fifty different flavors of Kool Aid but they’re all just sugary water with food coloring.

[joannabethharvelle]

1OO IMPORTANT CHARACTER QUESTIONS

[[ This is originally a meme, but I’m gonna do this shit as a character study because it’s been a long damn time since I’ve done anything like this.  This is for MainVerse!Jo ]]

(taken from beth kinderman and nikki walker’s the 100 most important things to know about your character. a good list to help develop a character’s background, personality, and general aspects.)

PART 1: THE BASICS

What is your full name? Joanna Beth Harvelle

Where and when were you born? In Nebraska on April 7th

Who are/were your parents? William and Ellen Harvelle, both deceased

Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like? No

Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe the place and the person/people. Rebuilt the Roadhouse in Nebraska, lives on a house on the back property alone

What is your occupation? Hunter/Bartender

What is the full physical description of yourself? Blonde, brown eyes, 5;4″, slim/athletic build. Pierced earlobes (that are almost always closed up), and an ankle tattoo consisting of three tiny sigils stacked over each other in white ink: an antipossession symbol, a Hexagram of Solomon, and a pentagram interlocked with the Celtic knot. Criss-crossed scars on abdomen.

To which social class do you belong? Middle

Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses? Suffers stomach pains from old internal injuries, nightmares

Are you right- or left-handed? Right

What does your voice sound like? Mild and even keel for the most part, can get melodic at times. Has a tendancy to get higher pitched when angry

What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently? Other than cuss words, doesn’t have any catch phrases

What do you have in your pockets? Pocket knife, wallet, phone, mini flask of holy water

Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics? Often worries lip to the point of blood when upset, can spin coins and pencils over her knuckles

PART 2: GROWING UP

How would you describe your childhood in general? Rough, but good. Strained when William was hunting but healthy, happy and thriving when all three were reunited. After William’s death, things turned much more grim.

What is your earliest memory? “I remember the first time the power went out -- I was so little and I was scared, but my mom and dad lit candles and we ate sandwiches on our living room floor.”

How much schooling have you had? Got partially through University

Did you enjoy school? Did NOT

Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities? From Ellen, William, at the Roadhouse, and from other hunters that drifted in and out of her life

While growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them. William has been the driving force behind almost all of her motivations

While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family? Yes, as well as a single mother and daughter living in a world of hunters can

As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? A hunter

As a child, what were your favorite activities? Collecting things; knives, trinkets from trips/Williams hunts. Used to dabble in painting but gave it up to learn self defense and weapons training

As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display? Sweet, happy; hyper and bouncy and full of life and energy. When William passed, it shifts to fiercely independent and rebellious; wild and risk taking.

As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like? No, and there were very few friends

When and with whom was your first kiss? A hunter’s son behind the Roadhouse in the middle of the night. They’d gotten caught

Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity? No, and it was surprisingly late -- not until after college. It was a drifter with no ties and whose name she never learned. The romantic streak in her regrets it; its a blur of memory, done out of grief and while intoxicated

If you are a supernatural being (i.e. mage, werewolf, vampire), tell the story of how you became what you are or first learned of your own abilities. If you are just a normal human, describe any influences in your past that led you to do the things you do today. Does not apply

PART 3: PAST INFLUENCES

What do you consider the most important event of your life so far? Coming back from the brink of death and coming to terms with being completely alone

Who has had the most influence on you? There are several key players; William, Ellen, Castiel, Dean, and Bobby are her main influencers

What do you consider your greatest achievement? The bleak outlook and low self esteem keeps any sort of achievement feel insignificant

What is your greatest regret? Every drop of innocent blood that’s on her hands

What is the most evil thing you have ever done? There was a moment in her life after Missouri where she had a bit of a psychotic break, going off the grid for a while and indulging a very different style of hunting than she was accustomed to

Do you have a criminal record of any kind? Many small crimes, managed to stay off the radar enough that there is nothing major

When was the time you were the most frightened? On the ground in the hardware store

What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you? College and everything about it

If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why? There are too many things she’d change, too many regrets to pick one

What is your best memory? She only has a handful in total, so they’re getting listed. All memories from before Bill died, the ones she can remember. Drinking with Cas and Ellen the night before they took on Lucifer. The day she met the Winchesters. Learning constellations from Cas. Rebuilding the Roadhouse.

What is your worst memory? Every death witnessed, as well as everything surrounding her near death

PART 4: BELIEFS & OPINIONS

Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic? Optimistic, though with age is has waned

What is your greatest fear? Causing the death of the few people she loves

What are your religious views? Religion is synonymous with material for work

What are your political views? She has very, very little. Too busy keeping track of the supernatural problems to focus much on political ones

What are your views on sex? Loves it, though isn’t quick to offer it or accept the proposition

Are you able to kill? Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable? Easily, now. If the monster has killed maliciously with no hope of redemtion, killing is justified. For the good and protection of innocents and the world, killing is justified. In her mind, but very rarely, it is a justifiable form of punishment in the hunting world

In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do? Jo believes that humans have the potential to be fucking evil. She’s seen too many evil things to fathom one that could be considered the ‘most’

Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love? Yes, despite how much she doesn’t want to

What do you believe makes a successful life? Successfully spreading kindness and love and leaving the world better than when you were brought into it.

How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)? Has huge walls; hides emotions and who she really is from everyone unless she trusts them implicitly, and even then she has to work at it

Do you have any biases or prejudices? None that I can think of, other than she is incredibly biased when it comes to people she trusts. It takes a lot to get to that point, and she can become loyal and defensive to a fault

Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it? Torture, she can never bring herself to cause someone pain in that fashion no matter who or what they are

Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)? Someone she loves

PART 5: RELATIONSHIPS W/OTHERS

In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how? Can come off abrasive to other hunters or the bar brawling type, but is generally polite and pleasant to everyone. She has a quick temper though, and its easy to get on her bad side. She opens up much more with people she trusts and can be quite silly, given the occasion

Who is the most important person in your life, and why? Bill. He shaped who she is

Who is the person you respect the most, and why? Self respect is the most important

Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? She considers herself friends with the Winchester Brothers, Castiel, Bobby, and several regulars that come through the Roadhouse

Do you have a spouse or significant other? No

Have you ever been in love? No

What do you look for in a potential lover? Someone kind who will treat her right, understand the life, and who makes her feel safe and can make her laugh

How close are you to your family? They are deceased

Have you started your own family? If so, describe them. If not, do you want to? Why or why not? No, because hunting leaves no room for families. She would love to start one, in a different life

Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help? Winchesters, Castiel

Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why? The previous answer applies

If you died or went missing, who would miss you? Jo believes she would be missed initially but in the grand scheme of things, no one

Who is the person you despise the most, and why? God, and because of everything that his absence put in motion

Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict? Argue

Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations? She can if she wants, but depending on the crowd she usually prefers to blend in

Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not? Not particularly, too many people she can’t trust

Do you care what others think of you? No

PART 6: LIKES & DISLIKES

What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes? Playing pool and poker, practicing shooting, painting

What is your most treasured possession? The small pocket knife that belonged to her dad

What is your favorite color? Yellow and blue

What is your favorite food? Nothing better than a homemade meal, anything made for her with love instantly becomes her favorite

What, if anything, do you like to read? Lore books, classical literature, anything concerning the occult

What is your idea of good entertainment? She enjoys a night out, but is very easily entertained. Simply coffee with someone counts as entertainment to her

Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit? Drinks regularly, hardly ever smokes (has had maybe five ever); cigarettes, if she ever does.

How do you spend a typical Saturday night? Hunting or running the Roadhouse

What makes you laugh? Sharp wit and general silliness is an easy way to get her amused

What, if anything, shocks or offends you? Not much anymore

What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself? Insomnia is common, alcohol and television or surfing the web is the distraction

How do you deal with stress? Alcohol and physical exhertion

Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan? Equal mix of both

What are your pet peeves? Rudeness

PART 7: SELF IMAGES & OTHER

Describe the routine of a normal day for you. How do you feel when this routine is disrupted? Chaos is a daily occurrence these days. Routine would be more difficult

What is your greatest strength as a person? Self reliant and independent

What is your greatest weakness? Stubborn and a hot temper, loyalty to those she loves

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? She wants to be braver

Are you generally introverted or extroverted? Extroverted

Are you generally organized or messy? Very messy with personal things, but extremely organized with anything work or hunting related

Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at. 1) Weapons training, 2) Memorization, 3) Sex -- 1) Cooking, 2) Public speaking, 3) Math

Do you like yourself? No

What are your reasons for being an adventurer (or doing the strange and heroic things that RPG characters do)? At first it was because of Bill, but after Missouri its because she feels like its the least she can do with a second chance

What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime? Make the world a safer and more loved place

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Hopefully not dead

If you could choose, how would you want to die? Go down fighting again

If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left. “I’d say goodbye to the people I love, find somebody else to run the Roadhouse to make sure it would still serve as a safe haven, and then I’d kick back and drink the best goddamn whiskey I could get my hands on.”

What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death? “I never want there to be any question about what I believed in, stood for, and who I loved.”

What three words best describe your personality? Stubborn, kind, dry humor

What three words would others probably use to describe you? Smart ass, loyal, determined

If you could, what advice would you, the player, give to your character? She just needs to ease up on the guilt and the self assigned responsibilities and learn a little more self love, in the emotional sense. 

[countrybunkingbabes-blog]

Phnom Penh Day 1

We finally recovered from our drinking bender and bizarre sleeping pattern and were filled with energy when we arrived early in Phnom Penh at 6 am (actually maybe our sleeping pattern was still fucked...) anyways as we hopped off the bus a guy was like u staying in Phnom Penh?! And I replied yes really enthusiastically coz I was so excited and then realised he'd asked because he was a tuk tuk man and since I didn't know how to deal with the situation he waited outside the 24 hr cafe we went into and kept looking in the window to make sure we were still there. He gave up after like an hour and a half and we made our way to our accommodation, dropped our bags, admired our 3 euro private room and set out to the Tuol Sleng genocide museum. This museum had been known as the S21 prison under the Khmer Rouge. It simple terms, this school-turned-prison now memorialises the horror and torture which the Angkar (or Khmer Rouge) inflicted upon anyone who was suspected of questioning their rule. The communist group glorified hard labour and traditional times and condemned modern urban dwelling, formal education and religious belief. Their rule lasted a mere 4 years (1975-79), but, in spite of this, accumulated a death toll of ~3 million from starvation, disease or murder. The images within the prison walls today were gruesome and surreal; it was really hard to understand how this was considered acceptable. In other ways, the experience showed how easy it could be: combine the potency of a utopian ideology, the witnessing of graphic violence, and the ever present fear of disobedience and retaliation and you see how self-preservation shines through. What the guards inflicted or witnessed was brutal. The image that remains with me is a painting done by a former prisoner where a naked woman is tied down and bleeding, and centipedes are being placed on her sores and genitals. One guard admitted that he took the prohibition of sexual relations and his personal sexual frustration out on female prisoners violently. Another image shows the remains of a persons face, barely distinguishable, as his face is caved in and black with blood. Rows and rows and walls and walls of mugshots documented the extent to which Cambodian people suffered in these prisons. There are mugshots of mothers holding babies who have been incarcerated by association and images of women who have their children in their cells after being raped by prison officers. Even though class was central to the Angkar's beliefs, they exploited the young, uneducated working class, recruiting them and repeating slogans incessantly to burn their values into the minds of as many impressionable people as possible. To me this felt so hypocritical. Especially as Pol Pot, the figurehead, studied in a French University and discovered communism amidst his elite path and then felt entitled to deprive the worth of knowledge and education to everyone else. Though communism may have beauty at its heart, a utopian ideology means nothing when violence is its tool. Having studied bits of victimology and terrorism and political violence, some moments in the museum really resonated with me. Ideas surrounding justifications for violence, revenge or reconciliation, human dignity, blame, national trauma, intergenerational victimisation, responsibility and who are the real victims of this period were insightful and soothing; photos of a former head of the prison and a former prisoner laughing together inspired so much shock and admiration from me. The aim of this place was not to sensationalise or capitalise, but to teach and reflect. At the end of the museum an old man called out to me and saoirse and we realised he was one of the surviving prisoners of the time!! I couldn't speak I just felt so shy and embarrassed and amazed and inadequate thinking of everything he had been through and how kind his eyes remained. He was selling his story but i wanted to go see a free talk they had there that was starting so I said I'd go back after. The woman who spoke had not been imprisoned but her life had been turned upside down by the Khmer Rouge when they forced mass evacuations from big cities and caused many deaths in that process of harsh, rapid migration and homelessness. She spoke of the hard work she had been subjected to with only 2 spoons of rice to eat a day. She had been separated from her mother and then reunited at age 7. Her instinct was to run and hug her mum but her mum pushed her away in an effort to keep her safe through that distance. She went on to tell her daughter different lessons in how to care for herself and survive. (I burst out crying at this point - I'm a sucker for anything that makes me imagine life without the strong guiding influence of my mum). She was only 11 when she was expected to dig a hole one metre deep and wide in a day, and where failure to meet the assigned targets meant only one spoon of rice. You had to avoid crying in those days because it would be interpreted as dissatisfaction with the regime and you would be punished for it. The audio tour included a number of survivors stories and even excerpts from the trial against a key officer running the S21. Victim impact statements from court were also available to listen to, and so so moving. A very instinctual drive for revenge was articulated by one, who wanted to make his mum proud, but she told him that was not what she wished for. She told him she just wanted him to be happy, and he realised this violent urge only perpetuated his feelings of anger and grief. Many spoke of the healing power within religion, advocacy and legal justice and recognition. Ending on this hopeful note was uplifting, and did make me admire the resilience and strength of humankind. The woman who spoke has her own children and grandchildren now and her voice radiated the love she felt for them. It's amazing how people have managed to thrive and love and connect after such violence and bitterness. That visit has inspired me to share this Cambodian history with as many people as possible, through advocacy, college assignments and general conversation as it's overarching message was stressing the significance of history as preventing future crimes against humanity from occurring and the validation of what happened as barbaric, unjust and undeserved. It made me a little angry to see how little we do know about others history and Cambodia's national trauma as our education orbits ourselves and our white, western counterparts despite the gravity of suffering endured in all other parts of the world. This feeling has resurfaced a number of times already (we have since visited the killing fields and war remnants museum). As I took notes on everything we spent about 4-5 hours there and ate into our afternoon where we had meant to see the palace. Instead we got lunch from an authentic chay restaurant and paid about 1.50 for some beautiful noodle soup. We wandered around the area by the river and tried again to get some happy pizza. It worked this time. We shared one between us and it could have been MD it was so strong. We planned on going to this drag show in a gay bar and having just the one beer and a mellow high as our last bender was still fresh in our minds but, once again, our plan to be sensible was sabotaged. My heart felt like it was on fire and I tried to take my socks and shoes off in the busy bar. I was gaping at the performers with my jaw practically on the floor and when we tried dancing I felt like we were moving so slowly and saoirse thought we were dancing super fast. The performance was unlike any other drag we'd seen as the performers dressed convincingly feminine, not in the usual exaggerated way, and it was so aggressively sexual. They humped the stage and deep throated cucumbers and mauled onto members of the audience. Shortly after the end of the performance we left slightly scared and went for freezing showers to recover. After that we just let ourselves pass out.

[gwilkesdesign1x1]

Character Development

Rebecca

01 / BASICS

Full Name: Rebecca Valirya Wilkes Nickname: None Sex/Gender: Female Birthday: 22nd September 1980 Age: 17 Astrological Sign: Virgo Occupation: Currently a student at Hogwarts Spoken Languages: English, with a little French and Italian; she is also studying Mermish Sexual Orientation: Straight/ heteroflexible Birthplace: London, England Relationship status: Single

02/ PHYSICAL TRAITS

Race: Human Ethnicity: White British/European Hair Color/Style: Dark brown, wavy, nearly waist-length; usually left loose Eye Color: Green Accent: Estuary, though very relaxed after years of mingling with accents from all over the British Isles Height: 5′9″ Tattoos: None Piercings: Just one in each earlobe. Unique Attributes: A birthmark on her left thigh in the form of a small, oddly pigmented patch of skin. Defining Gestures/Movements: She folds her arms when nervous or angry. Posture: She is generally quite graceful and straight-backed, although as she gets older she has developed a habit of trying to make herself appear smaller.

03 / PERSONALITY TRAITS

Pet Peeves: She gets very irritated when people display a complete lack of common sense. Hobbies/Interests: She likes swimming and playing Gobstones, is a keen reader, and has begun experimenting with water Charms. Special Skills/Abilities: She has an unusual affinity with water magic. Likes: Mint ice-cream, the sound of flowing water, picking fruit in the orchard at home Dislikes: Bullies, oranges, people insulting her father, attracting attention Insecurities: She’s afraid of losing whatever acceptance she has among her schoolmates, and that if her father was ever forced into a position where he would have to choose between her and Voldemort, he wouldn’t choose her. Quirks/Eccentricities: Dressing in Muggle clothes; this is partly a way to honour her mother. Strengths: Courageous, devoted and loving, open-minded Weaknesses: Overly cautious, stubborn Speaking Style: Usually she speaks clearly and evenly, but when under stress she tends to falter and stammer. Temperament: Rebecca is generally a quiet, even-tempered girl, although if particularly upset or outraged she has trouble holding it back.

04 / FAMILY & HOME

Family: Gideon Wilkes (father), Scarlette Melnyk (mother, deceased) How does she feel about her family?: Rebecca is very close to her father; he is the only family she really knows, as her grandparents passed away when she was very small and her mother’s side of the family are very distant. She adores her father, although she knows her beliefs seriously clash with his. As for her mother, Rebecca wishes she had known her, and thinks of her as someone to be proud of. How does her family feel about her?: Gideon loves his daughter more than anything else in the world. He has done his best to raise her well, and would do anything to keep her safe. He knows she doesn’t believe in pureblood supremacy, and fears losing her if she joins the fight against his master, but he can’t bring himself to make her give up her cause. Pets: A tawny owl named Nataliya. Where does she live?: Her address outside school is the ancestral Wilkes mansion in Winchester, England. What is it like there?: The area is quiet, set on the outskirts of the city, with few passers-by and a lovely view of the surrounding countryside. Description of her home: It is a sprawling, three-storey mansion set in its own sizeable grounds. Over 200 years old, it is decorated richly but with good taste. The gardens are well-kept and include an orchard of apple and pear trees along with several fountains and a small herb garden. Description of her bedroom: It’s a large, luxurious room on the second floor of the family home. Decorated in pastel colours, and filled with beautifully carved oak furniture, the room is light and airy, even with the grand old four-poster bed against one wall.

05/ THIS OR THAT

Introvert or Extrovert?: Rebecca is somewhere in the middle; she’s rather reserved, but will happily talk to people and make new friends if there’s no hostility. Optimist or Pessimist?: She’s reasonably optimistic, but she doesn’t like to ignore the reality of things either. Leader or Follower?: She’s not exactly a natural leader, but she’ll step up and take charge of a situation in an emergency. She tends to be a little bit of a loner. Confident or Self-Conscious?: She’s quite concerned about what others think of her, as she has a number of different people to try to get along with, so she can be quite self-conscious. Cautious or Careless?: She is definitely a cautious person. Religious or Secular?: Secular. She was never raised in any religion. Passionate or Apathetic?: She is a very passionate young woman and will risk a lot for something she cares about. Book Smarts or Street Smarts?: Definitely book smarts. She’s lived a sheltered life and while she is very clever, she’s not always the quickest at thinking on her feet. Compliments or Insults?: Compliments. She hates bullying and doesn’t like name-calling even in jest. Pajamas or Underwear?: She always sleeps in pyjamas or nightdresses.

06 / FAVORITES

Favorite Color: Pale yellow. Favorite Clothing Style/Outfit: She likes simple but flattering outfits, and has developed a fondness for Muggle clothing despite her father’s disapproval. Favorite Bands/Songs/Type of Music: She will enjoy most kinds of music, but particularly likes the Weird Sisters and similar groups. Favorite Movies: A Little Princess, which she saw once when she was in her mid-teens. Favorite TV Shows: She’s never watched television. Favorite Books: A series of adventure novels set in India, centred on a fictional witch named Sandhya. Favorite Foods/Drinks: She can usually be tempted by Indian food, though anything too spicy puts her off, and anything mint-flavoured. Favorite Sports/Sports Teams: She’s not much of a sporty person, though she’ll cheer for her Quidditch team at school. Favorite Actors/Actresses: She doesn’t know enough about any to have a favourite. Favorite Time of Day: She likes early mornings; they’re quiet and have their own special beauty. Favorite Weather/Season: She has a preference for cool, cloudy days, or thunderstorms, and loves spring. Favorite Animal: She’s very fond of her owl.

07 / MISCELLANEOUS

Fears/Superstitions: She doesn’t really have any superstitions, but she’s very frightened that the delicate balancing act she’s doing is going to collapse; she can’t help her anti-Voldemort friends with her influence if she’s denounced as a blood traitor, but she also can’t risk her father’s reputation either. Political Views: She’s most definitely a liberal-minded girl, willing to open her mind and accept many different points of view. Religion/Philosophy of Life: This is a topic she’s never thought much about. She just wants to get along with everyone and figure things out as she goes. Allergies: None. Addictions: None, though her fondness for mint ice-cream comes close. Best/Worst School Subject: Her best subject is Ancient Runes, while her worst used to be Divination and is now Herbology. How does she get money?: Her father is very wealthy and gives her a generous allowance. How is she with technology?: She can operate simple things without too much trouble, but anything too complex gives her trouble.

08 / PAST & FUTURE

Fondest Memory: Playing with her father in the garden as a little girl. Deepest, Darkest Secret: As far as she’s concerned, the dual role she has to play as both a devoted daughter of a Death Eater and a loyal member of the anti-Voldemort movement. Dream Vacation: She loves the idea of exploring Europe, and maybe even visiting the Ukraine, her mother’s homeland. Best thing that has ever happened to this character: Finding a friend she can confide in about everything that’s worrying her. Worst thing that has ever happened to this character: Learning the truth about her father and the terrible things he’s done. What does she want to be when she grows up?: She doesn’t really know yet. She thinks she’d like to help people, but she doesn’t have any very well-formulated ideas. Perfect Date: Spending an afternoon with someone she likes, and who likes her, somewhere in an area of great natural beauty, preferably near a waterfall or river.

[julietravelsnearandfar-blog]

On “Waving the Rainbow Flag”: Pride Week and Identity

Happy Pride week, folks! I think it’s actually Pride month for LGBTQ+ folks and I’ve been thinking a lot about what that means for me—what it means to have pride in this LGBTQ+ part of my identity and to claim it in an intentional way. In some ways, this comes to me very naturally; in others, it is still very difficult for me to do.

Now I know that some of you who are reading this are probably thinking, “Wow, I thought that Julie was pretty out. Her relationship with Meagan is public on Facebook, she’s always posting about it and she openly talks about it. How more out can she be?” In some ways, I’d agree with you. But in other ways, I’m hesitant to “get out my rainbow flag” and wave it around. I’m happy to hang it up in my heart and my home, to talk to people I know love and respect me about the LGBTQ+ part of my identity. But what does it mean to take it out and wave that flag around a little bit?

Last night I was talking to my girlfriend—because yes, I have one of those (just a reminder)—about how sometimes I feel like I’m not a very good member of the LGBTQ+ community. I had kind of forgotten it was Pride week and I’ll probably be traveling when most of the pride parades are so I probably won’t be attending one. I was telling her I was concerned that most people don’t even know that I’m LGBTQ+ half of the time, and that sometimes that makes me feel like I need to be more overt about my sexuality. She told me that however I’m choosing to be LGBTQ+ is the right way for me, and that I don’t need to worry about being “the right kind” of member of the LGBTQ+ community. But I’ve been thinking about why I feel that way; I’ve been thinking about why I am concerned about being the “right kind” of queer person.

In the last few years of my life, I have found myself feeling like a solo voice representing LGBTQ+ people. I have found myself speaking for the entire LGBTQ+ community simply by speaking up about this part of my identity. I know that I have a lot of the other majority privileges within my overall identity, and it’s not that everyone in every group I have found myself (by any means!) recently is heterosexual. But a few years ago, before I started the most recent chapter of my life, I was concerned I was not going to be able to be myself. I was concerned that choosing to claim this LGBTQ+ identity—even still on a somewhat private level at the time—might alienate me or cause discrimination against me. I can’t say I was wrong to be concerned about this, but it was so different than I expected. Yet while I was discerning, words of a mentor of mine changed my understanding of this step in my life, and stayed with me. They said to me, “Jules. You can choose to go somewhere where all the voices are the same as yours and be more comfortable, or you can choose to go somewhere where you are surrounded by voices that are different than yours and be more uncomfortable. God is going to call you to both of those at different times in your life, you just have to figure out which one you’re being called to right now.” I faced discomfort; I faced situations that forced me to find my voice, to speak for every piece of my identity all at once. I learned that while I didn’t like being a voice for LGBTQ+ people on the whole—because I do not feel equipped—it was a voice that needed to be spoken. Even though I could only speak to my own experience and my own identity, it was an important voice to be heard. It has been and continues to be an important piece of my calling. And it taught me even more about the value of never asking someone to speak for a whole population, a whole age group, a whole race, a whole country, a whole religion. Rather, we need to empower people to share their individual voices, and all that comes with that voice and that identity as a whole.  It was an extremely important lesson in privilege that I am still learning, and I am frustrated by how often our society just naturally creates spaces where people feel as if they have to speak for “all” who identify the same way that they do.

So as I think back on this experience, and I think about my identity as an LGBTQ+ person, I am struck by a few things. I am struck by the fact that being cornered into sharing my voice has made me find it better; but it does not change the fact that I am angry about being cornered. I am struck by the fact that the identity of LGBTQ+ that I most identify with is one that people don’t really even know exists—that it is reduced to a plus sign and I have resigned to that plus sign meaning something important for that community to continue growing. I am struck by the fact that my identities and the labels people put on them—Catholic, pansexual, woman, millennial, and more, are put at odds not within my heart but within the world.  And it has led to a faith that sometimes makes me feel like a refugee.

By no means am I saying that my experience is as extreme as refugees who are facing wars and unrest within their country, but rather that I connect strongly to the feelings of being at home, or rather not feeling at home that refugees often experience. The Catholic Church is where my heart feels at home, where I find comfort and rest in my faith and how I understand God. And yet, when I go to Catholic mass, I feel as if there are people in that room who believe I should not receive communion. Who think my love for my partner is sinful and cannot be from God. The community that my heart feels at home in does not welcome my partner and me. This community makes many family members of LGBTQ+ individuals feel as if they have to keep their loved one’s relationship a secret. This community makes me feel as if I need to seek out another home. And so I do. I have tried other churches; I have searched for other homes. And despite the welcome that other places offer me, I never quite feel at home. I am so grateful for a new place to rest, a new community to welcome me and empower each part of my identity, but it is never quite home. And as I think about “getting my rainbow flag out” and waving it around, I think that’s part of what I am facing: my identity as Catholic makes me feel as if I can never be quite at home in the LGBTQ+ community, either. I am never quite fully safe in either identity, despite feeling as if both pieces of that identity—being in a committed LGBTQ+ relationship and being Catholic—are part of my vocation.

So as I face my future and I discern choosing my relationship and my love every day, and choosing my calling to ministry either within or without the Catholic church, I face bigger questions of discrimination, honesty about my identity, the “open closet” that the Catholic Church would like to put me in: talk about your sexuality but pretend you’re not in a relationship. I face bigger questions of representing an important voice despite feelings of discomfort. I face the importance of talking about these issues, for individuals having other contradictions to the church. For others feeling like their relationship to the church is strained by ways that they identify. For others in the LGBTQ+ community who need to hear a voice of someone who is still choosing both.

In my own way, I wave my rainbow flag. I might not always have the energy to stand up and wave it around, but I pull it out and offer it to others. I wrap it around the way I understand God: because I can’t believe in a God that would call me to a life of giving love to others through ministry and then simultaneously ask me not to live a life of love for myself. I wave it around when I choose to go to Catholic mass anyways, despite people in the room who believe I shouldn’t be receiving communion. I give it a wave every time I enter a space and consciously choose to talk about my relationship without making it a big deal. I am still learning about what “Pride” means to me, because every single day I am simply still learning about life.

But most importantly, I’ll give my rainbow flag a wave to say that I’m happy about who I am; I’m proud of who I am and who I’m still becoming. And that’s not just about being LGBTQ+, but it’s about the entire person that I am. It’s about my greater vocation that I’m every day discerning, that I’m still making the choice to live every day. And in the past two years, despite pain or confusion or desire for comfort, I am realizing that I am happy—I am proud—to make that choice. And I hope that by speaking, I can help other people to do the same.

“When I invalidate myself, there is nothing that can heal the wound that that invalidation makes. There is nothing I can do besides spending every day after that offering myself gentle acceptance in lieu of that invalidation. Offering myself the freedom to choose to be on the roller coaster. Every day it is a choice to be present to the life that is mine, to the feelings that are mine, to the person that I am. I must make that choice, or I am as close to dead as is livingly possible.”

--The Roller Coaster of Identity, my own reflection on coming out from 2013