#and malcolm was like 'look at the state of him' and trevor was like 'look at the state of me i do all the driving' and

[lock-my-feelings-in-a-jar]

[walker-extended-universe]

Dead Weight, Chapter 2

Chapter 1

Relationship(s): Trevor Strand/Stella Walker, Cordell Walker & Stella Walker, Micki Ramirez & Cordell Walker, Malcolm Bright & Cordell Walker, Martin Whitly & Hector

Tags/Warnings: Hostage Situations, People Used as Bargaining Chips, Hostage Negotiations, Bleeding, Threats of Violence, Alternate Universe- Canon Divergence

Summary:

Alternative version of Walker s01e11: Freedom and Prodigal Son s02e11: You Can Run. Martin Whitly made it out of the state with Hector but the plan only had enough fuel to get them to Texas. After their forced landing, they come across a couple of teenagers in a summer cabin with a duffle bag full of money. One of these teenagers is Stella Walker, daughter of a Texas Ranger. Martin would be stupid not to take advantage of this opportunity.

Written for @augustofwhump alt prompt 5- Human Shield

Taglist: @theladywyn, @ihavepointysticks, @klaatu51, @itsjessiegirl1, @neptunium134

-----------

Trevor survived his encounter with Dr. Martin Whitly, something that 23 other people were unable to do. He was still in the hospital but they were optimistic he would make it out okay.

Cordell would be more excited about that if Trevor could tell them anything useful.

“I swear, I have no idea who they were or how they found us. They just showed up out of nowhere!”

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Okay, fine. Now, do you mind telling me what you two were even doing out there? Stella was supposed to be at a soccer game and she hadn’t heard from you since you ghosted her at the dance. Why were you together in a cabin outside of town?”

Trevor had the decency to look sheepish. “I…. Look, my dad sent some goons after me at my aunt's house and somehow Stella tracked me down and got me out of there. I needed to hide out and get out of town and she offered to take me. We went to that cabin because I knew my dad had money and stuff stashed away there….”

Right. Okay. That sounded exactly like something Stella would do. They were gonna have to have a talk about that if- when they found her safe and sound. “Do you have any idea where they might be headed?”

Trevor shook his head. “The big guy knocked me out before they left. I don’t even know why they took her….”

Cordell wanted to punch something. Micki picked up on that and quickly got him out of the room. “Freaking out isn’t going to do us any good right now,” she said. “What happened wasn’t Trevor’s fault; we need to focus on finding The Surgeon.”

“I know, I know,” he muttered. “But we don’t know where he is or where he’s going. At this point, the best we can do is put an ABP out on the car and there’s no guarantee that’ll even work. Meanwhile, my daughter is in the hands of the most notorious serial killer of the 20th century and his goon!”

“Walker, you need to chill,” Micki snapped. “I get it, I get that this sucks and you’re freaking out. You have good reason to. But if you can’t keep it together, you’re gonna get pulled off of this case. You’re lucky James hasn’t pulled you off as it is and the Feds are not gonna be as lenient.”

“I know.” But knowing that didn't make it any easier. “I just- I don’t even care about the serial killer. I just want my daughter home, safe and sound, where she belongs.”

“And I have every intention of making that happen.”

Cordell’s head snapped to the side. A man approached them. Cordell didn’t recognize him but he walked like a fed and dressed like a PI. Not a good combination. “And you are?” he snapped.

The man smiled and extended his hand. “Malcolm Bright. Profiler and resident expert on the Surgeon. I’ve been following this case since Whitly’s initial escape and I’ve been brought on by the Marshals as a consultant.”

Bright. Cordell had heard that name before but he couldn’t remember where. He returned the hand shake. “And you can help find Stella?”

“I can help find the Surgeon, which should get us to her,” Malcolm confirmed. “And, don’t worry, I plan to help you stay on the case. I know they’ll want to kick you off since you’re ‘too close’ to it, but I know what it’s like to lose family to something like this. And I think you can help more than they realize.”

“How do you mean?” Micki asked. “Walker’s good, don’t get me wrong, but he’s not exactly an expert on serial killers…..”

“No, but he is an expert on his daughter. And I suspect you’ve taught her a few things about leaving a trail.”

“I’ve done my best to make sure she can take care of herself,” Cordell said. Hopefully, she would try to leave a trail, something they could hold onto. Martin would be too smart for that.

“I expected nothing less.” Malcolm smiled. “I think we can work very well together. Maybe you can start by filling me in on our witness before I interrogate him? Not that you didn’t do a good job, but there may be some details he left out given who you are….”

Cordell nodded. He couldn’t argue with that. “Whatever you need.” He’d do anything, as long as it got Stella home safe. “What do you want to know?”

—-----------------------------

Stella kept her eyes on the road, more out of a desire to not see the gun pointed at her rather than adhering to road safety guidelines. She didn’t think she’d ever driven so safely in her life. Even checking her hand placement was better than acknowledging the situation she was in.

“You seem nervous. Would it help if we stopped and got a snack?”

“It would help if you let me go.”

The older man in the passenger seat- Martin- sighed and shook his head. “I can’t do that just yet. See, I made a deal with your father that if I kept you alive until we reached the border, he would let me and my friend here go, and I intend to keep my word. So, you’re stuck with us for a while I’m afraid.” He shrugged. “Would it make you feel better if we turned on the radio? Maybe Taylor Swift’s newest album has something relatable to your current situation.”

“No thanks,” she muttered.

“Can we still stop for snacks?” the man in the back seat- she was pretty sure his name was Hector- asked. “I haven’t eaten since breakfast.”

“You know, that’s not a bad idea. I’m feeling a bit peckish myself,” Martin said. He looked back at Stella. “Do you have any money we could use?”

“No. I spent it all on gas before we got to the cabin,” Stella replied honestly. Not that she would’ve willingly given them money anyway.

“Ah, well, no matter. I was hoping we could use some cash but there’s other ways to get what we need.”

Stella didn’t like the sound of that at all.

She should try to stop this. Just pull over and run for her life and try to get home. But what good would that do? These two clearly weren’t above hurting people to get their way. If she didn’t go along with them, they could easily just drop the dead weight. They clearly had no issue with killing to get what they wanted.

Maybe if she just played along, she could keep them busy long enough for Dad to catch up.

That had to work. It had to.

Martin directed her to get off the highway at the next exit. Then, to pull into a gas station. “We don’t really need gas yet….”

“That’s not why we’re here. Park the car at the convenience store. Hector, watch the car. We’ll be right back.” Then, Martin grabbed her arm and roughly pulled her out of the car. “Now, you’re going to test your acting skills and be very scared so that we can get what we need.”

Stella gulped when she felt the end of a gun at the small of her back. Even if she was reasonably sure he wanted to keep her alive (for now), she had a feeling it wouldn’t take much for that to change.

There was no one in the store except the clerk, who was boredly flipping through a skin mag. He looked about her age and like he couldn’t care less about keeping this job. “We’re out of breakfast burritos so if that’s what you’re after-”

“I’m after a little more than that.” Martin lifted the gun to the side of Stella’s head. “Empty that register to start, then we’ll need some food and a few full jugs of gas.”

The kid finally looked up and Stella could see the blood drain from his face. “L-Look man, I make minimum wage, I-”

“Poor you,” Martin snarked. “She’s got a gun to her head; you don’t hear her complaining. Now, come on. Money, food, gas.”

“Okay, okay! Just- Just give me a minute….”

Stella tried to keep her breathing steady while Martin got what he wanted. She didn’t want to give him a reason to use the gun. But she was shaking and it took everything in her not to break down crying.

She just hoped the kid was smart enough to pull some kind of silent alarm or call the police as soon as they left. It would be a clue for Dad to follow at least.

Martin made her carry the money and the food and called for Hector to grab the 6 containers of gas the kid poured. It would be enough to last them a while. Then, still holding the gun to her head, he made her get back behind the wheel and drive. “There, that wasn’t so hard now was it?”

She stayed silent as they got back on the highway and tuned out their bickering over the gas station snacks.

Please, God, let them find me soon.

[clarasimone]

Iain Glen nailing Hamlet (1991)

In 1991, after winning the Evening Standard Film Award for Best Actor, Iain Glen gave his soulful all, not on the stage in London, no, not yet, though really he could have, but at the Old Vic in Bristol, donning the persona of the Dane, Hamlet. He won the Special Commendation Ian Charleson Award* for his performance and yet it appears we will never see but stills from this production as no video recording was made, not even by and for the company. The University of Bristol has the archives of the production: the playbook, the programme and black and white stills. The V&A archives have the administrative papers. In our day and age, this sad evanescent corporeal sate of affairs is unimaginable. The memory of the play, of this performance fading away? We rebel against the very thought. We brandish our cell phones and swear we shall unearth and pirate its memory, somehow, somewhere. Even if we have to hypnotize patrons or pull out the very hearts of those who saw Iain Glen on stage, those few, those happy few, to read into their very memory and pulsating membrane just how brilliant he was. Because he was, he was. That’s what they’ll all tell you... 

Below, those pics and testimonies....

*(The Charleson Awards were established in memory of Ian Charleson, who died at 40 from Aids while playing Hamlet at the National Theatre in 1989)

- Iain Glen is a rampaging prince, quixotic, technically sound, tense as a coiled spring, funny. ‘To be, or not to be’ results from throwing himself against the white walls, an air of trembling unpredictability is beautifully conveyed throughout. ‘Oh, what a rogue and peasants slave’ is blindingly powerful. My life is drawn in angrily modern post Gielgud Hamlets: David Warner, Nicol Williams, Visotsky, Jonathon Price. Iain Glen is equal to them. He keeps good company. THE OBSERVER, Michael Coveney

- Paul Unwin’s riveting production reminded me more strongly than any I have ever seen that the Danish Court is riddled with secrecy. Politics is a form of hide and seek: everyone stealthily watches everyone else. Iain Glen’s Hamlet is a melancholic in the clinical sense: his impeccable breeding and essential good nature keep in check what might be an approaching breakdown. His vitriolic humour acts as a safety valve for a nagging instability, his boyish charm is deployed to placate and deceive a hostile and watchful world. Glen brings out Hamlet’s fatal self absorption: the way he cannot help observing himself and putting a moral price tag on every action and failure. He is a doomed boy. And his chill but touching calm at the end is that of a man who has finally understood the secrets behind the closed doors. The Sunday Times, John Peter

- This is an excellent production of Hamlet from the Bristol Old Vic. The director Paul Unwin and his designer Bunnie Christie have set the play in turn of the century Europe. Elsinore is a palace of claustrophobically white walls and numerous doors. All this is handled with a light touch, without drawing attention away from the play. Our first encounter with Hamlet shows him bottled up with rage and grief. Glen gives a gripping performance. The self-dramatising side of the character is tapped to the full by this talented actor. The Spectator, Christopher Edwards

**************************************************************************************************

The following though is my favorite review/article because it situates Iain Glen’s creation is time, in the spectrum of all renowned Hamlets.

How will Cumberbatch, TV’s Sherlock, solve the great mystery of Hamlet? by Michael Coveney - Aug 17, 2015

In 1987, three years before he died, the critic and venerable Shakespearean JC Trewin published a book of personal experience and reminiscence: Five and Eighty Hamlets. I’m thinking of supplying a second volume, under my own name, called Six and Fifty Hamlets, for that will be my total once Benedict Cumberbatch has opened at the Barbican.

There’s a JC and MC overlap of about 15 years: Trewin was a big fan of Derek Jacobi’s logical and graceful prince in 1977 and ended with less enthusiastic remarks about “the probing intelligence” of Michael Pennington in 1980 (both Jacobi and Pennington were 37 when they played the role; Cumberbatch is 39) and emotional pitch and distraction of Roger Rees in 1984 (post-Nickleby, Rees was 40, but an electric eel and ever-youthful).

I started as a reviewer in 1972 with three Hamlets on the trot: the outrageous Charles Marowitz collage, which treats Hamlet as a creep and Ophelia as a demented tart, and makes exemplary, equally unattractive polar opposites of Laertes and Fortinbras; a noble, stately Keith Michell (with a frantic Polonius by Ron Moody) at the Bankside Globe, Sam Wanamaker’s early draft of the Shakespearean replica; and a 90-minute gymnastic exercise performed by a cast of eight in identical chain mail and black breeches at the Arts Theatre.

This gives an idea of how alterable and adaptable Hamlet has been, and continues to be. There are contestable readings between the Folios, any number of possible cuts, and there is no end of choice in emphasis. Trewin once wrote a programme note for a student production directed by Jonathan Miller in which he said that the first scene on the battlements (“Who’s there?”) was the most exciting in world drama; the scene was cut.

And as Steven Berkoff pointed out in his appropriately immodestly titled book I Am Hamlet (1989), Hamlet doesn’t exist in the way Macbeth, or Coriolanus, exists; when you play Hamlet, he becomes you, not the other way round. Hamlet, said Hazlitt, is as real as our own thoughts.

Which is why my three favourite Hamlets are all so different from each other, and attractive because of the personality of the actor who’s provided the mould for the Hamlet jelly: my first, pre-critical-days Hamlet, David Warner (1965) at the Royal Shakespeare Company, was a lank and indolently charismatic student in a long red scarf, exact contemporary of David Halliwell’s Malcolm Scrawdyke, and two years before students were literally revolting in Paris and London; then Alan Cumming (1993) with English Touring Theatre, notably quick, mercurial and very funny, with a detachable doublet and hose, black Lycra pants and bovver boots, definitely (then) the glass of fashion, a graceful gender-bender like Brett Anderson of indie band Suede; and, at last, Michael Sheen (2011) at the Young Vic, a vivid and overreaching fantasist in a psychiatric institution (“Denmark’s a prison”), where every actor “plays” his part.

These three actors – Warner, Cumming, Sheen – occupy what might be termed the radical, alternative tradition of Hamlets, whereas the authoritative, graceful nobility of Jacobi belongs to the Forbes Robertson/John Gielgud line of high-ranking top drawer ‘star’ turns, a dying species and last represented, sourly but magnificently, by Ralph Fiennes (1995) in the gilded popular palace of the Hackney Empire. Fiennes, like Cumberbatch, has the sort of voice you might expect a non-radical, traditional Hamlet to possess.

But if you listen to Gielgud on tape, you soon realise he wasn’t ‘old school’ at all. He must have been as modern, at the time, as Noel Coward. Gielgud is never ‘intoned’ or overtly posh, he’s quicksilver, supple, intellectually alert. I saw him deliver the “Oh what a rogue and peasant slave” soliloquy on the night the National left the Old Vic (February 28, 1976); he had played the role more than 500 times, and not for 37 years, but it was as fresh, brilliant and compelling as if he had been making it up on the spot.

Ben Kingsley, too, in 1975, was a fiercely intelligent Royal Shakespeare Company Hamlet, and I saw much of that physical and mental power in David Tennant’s, also for the RSC in 2008, with an added pinch of mischief and irony. There’s another tradition, too, of angry Hamlets: Nicol Williamson in 1969, a scowling, ferocious demon; Jonathan Pryce at the Royal Court in 1980, possessed by the ghost of his father and spewing his lines, too, before finding Yorick’s skull in a cabinet of bones, an ossuary of Osrics; and a sourpuss Christopher Ecclestone (2002), spiritually constipated, moody as a moose with a migraine, at the West Yorkshire Playhouse.

One Hamlet who had a little of all these different attributes – funny, quixotic, powerful, unhappy, clever and genuinely heroic – was Iain Glen (1991) at the Bristol Old Vic, and I can imagine Cumberbatch developing along similar lines. He, like so many modern Hamlets, is pushing 40 – as was Jude Law (2009), hoary-voiced in the West End – yet when Trevor Nunn cast Ben Whishaw (2004) straight from RADA, aged 23, petulant and precocious, at the Old Vic, he looked like a 16-year-old, and too young for what he was saying. It’s like the reverse of King Lear, where you have to be younger to play older with any truth or vigour.

Michael Billington’s top Hamlet remains Michael Redgrave, aged 50, in 1958, as he recounts in his brilliant new book, The 101 Greatest Plays (seven of the 101 are by Shakespeare); Hamlet, he says, more than any other play, alters according to time as well as place.

So, Yuri Lyubimov’s great Cold War Hamlet, the prince played by the dissident poet Vladimir Visotsky, was primarily about surveillance, the action played on either side of an endlessly moving hessian and woollen wall. And in Belgrade in 1980, shortly after the death of Tito, the play became a statement of anxiety about the succession.

There’s a mystery to Hamlet that not even Sherlock Holmes could solve, though Cumberbatch will no doubt try his darndest – even if he finds his Watson at the Barbican (Leo Bill is playing Horatio) more of a hindrance than a help; there are, after all, more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in his friend’s philosophy.

*************************************************************************************************

Oh! Did I say that we were never going to see Iain Glen in the skin of the great Dane? Tsk. How silly of me. Meet IG’s Hamlet in Tom Stoppard’s postmodern theatrical whimsy ROSENCRANTZ AND GUILDENSTERN ARE DEAD, shot the year before the Bristol play.

Though almost surreal and most often funny as the film follows the Pulp Fiction-like misadventures of two forgettable Shakespearian characters, crossing paths with other more or less fortunate characters, their time with Hamlet makes us privy to the Dane as we never quite see him in the Bard’s play... but for one memorable scene,  in which Iain Glen absolutely nails it, emoting the famous “To be or not to be” which you see tortures his soul, brings tears to his eyes and contorts his mouth; the moment made all the more memorable by the fact that it is a silent scene. You never hear him utter the famous line, but you see the words leave his lips and feel them mark your soul.

I’m kinda telling myself that it’s 1991 and I’m sitting in the Old Vic, in Bristol, not London. Not yet.

[racingtoaredlight]

The degenerate’s guide to college football TV watch ‘em ups, 2019 season, week 7

As you read this for the first time in what seems like ages Steven Montez is not throwing an interception. Enough about that, it’s Red River Shootout Rivalry week! Kind of sucks that they stopped calling it a shootout right when every game in the Big XII became a shootout.

This isn’t the best version of “Red River Valley” much like this year’s game isn’t the best version of the Red River Shootout but we have to love the ones we’re with.

Why am I putting so much of this post into a game I don’t give a shit about? Because Miami already played (and won!) and I haven’t actually looked at the rest of the schedule yet. We’ll find out together what’s going on this week! Schedule copied from FBSchedules, gambles copied from Vegas Insider, thoughts are intended to be original. I’m sorry.

Saturday, October 12

Matchup                                                       Time (ET)                  TV/Mobile

6 Oklahoma vs. 11 Texas (in Dallas, TX)    12:00pm                       FOX

Wait, get the fuck out of here. This is the first game listed to top it all off? Bookmakers are fucking with us to have the o/u at 75.5 but Sooners -10.5 seems smart to me. Note to theoretical new readers: nobody who writes on this site about gambling is right more than 15% of the time.

Maryland at Purdue                                     12:00pm                       BTN

B1G action! It sucks!

23 Memphis at Temple                                12:00pm                     ESPN2

The race for the group of five BCS bid (is that what we’re still calling it?) is a madcap so far and Temple is still in it. Wild, right? Manny Diaz might have chosen the less talented team this year when he decided to leave Temple at the altar. Memphis is the favorite for this game and the AAC championship and probably #2 in line for the big bowl money among the sisters of the poor but this is an interesting game for a whole host of reasons. Go Tigers.

Miami (Ohio) at Western Michigan             12:00pm                    ESPNU

I think I’m doing the italics wrong for this post. I won’t go back to fix it, though.

16 Michigan at Illinois                                  12:00pm                      ABC

Michigan is pure entertainment to me but only in theory. I don’t watch their shitty games but every outcome fills me with glee. Nobody likes them, especially Michigan fans. Keep it going, Captain Clutch.

Mississippi State at Tennessee                   12:00pm                     SECN

Miss State isn’t total trash, are they? I feel like no but I can’t tell you why. And, yet, they are only favored by 6.5 over Tennessee. I can’t believe there’s a reason beyond gambling to care about this game.

Rutgers at Indiana                                         12:00pm                     BTN

If you find yourself interested in this game for any reason whatsoever please call 800-522-4700.

South Carolina at 3 Georgia                          12:00pm                   ESPN

Is Coach Boom on the hot seat? I really don’t know what’s expected of him. Can he say that his shitty QB that got hurt would have made a difference in this season? Will school officials believe him? Georgia -22 seems like great value to me.

Toledo at Bowling Green                                12:00pm                  CBSSN

Bowling Green is very bad. Are they +26.5 at home against Toledo bad? Absolutely they are.

Georgia Tech at Duke                                      12:30pm                   RSN

Georgia Tech football makes me sad. Let’s not dwell too long on them.

Ball State at Eastern Michigan                        2:00pm                  ESPN+

Ball State is not baller at all. One of life’s great quandaries.

Old Dominion at Marshall                                2:30pm               Stadium

This must be the first game of the year on Stadium unless I’ve just completely stopped paying attention. What a debut!

New Mexico State at Central Michigan           3:00pm                ESPN3

Washington State at 18 Arizona State              3:30pm            Pac-12N

Holy hell, what a shit year this is. Arizona State crept up to #18 and there is nothing interesting about their team on the field. They aren’t even undefeated. It’s just Herm Edwards yelling inspiration to some kids you’ve never heard of and it’s mostly worked out so far. This game is a pick ‘em which is probably what every Washington State game should be until Mike Leach rides off into the sunset.

Florida State at 2 Clemson                                 3:30pm              ABC

When Cabbage exposed Jameis Winston’s pay-for-play thing a few years ago Jameis was probably taking money for point shaving, too. I kind of feel like Trevor Lawrence is doing the same thing this year but it’s more dangerous for him because he still has to play in college for another year. How off has Clemson looked so far? I’m entertaining thoughts of FSU pulling the upset here. Technically they can do that just by staying closer than 26. That’s the best kind of upset, really.

NIU at Ohio                                                           3:30pm            ESPN+

Even in the lowered expectations world of MACtion 2019 this is a sad affair.

Kent State at Akron                                             3:30pm             ESPN3

Maybe all MAC games are particularly sad this year.

Michigan State at 8 Wisconsin                           3:30pm               BTN

The pain isn’t close to over for Sparty but a nice moral victory here would only mean keeping Jonathan Taylor under 200 yards and 5 TDs. Or even scoring. One out of two seems possible.

25 Cincinnati at Houston                                     3:30pm            ESPN2

Holgo to Houston seemed so natural but things haven’t really clicked yet. Fickell at Cincinnati, on the other hand, has been perfect and immediate. Vegas has some faith in the Cougars still, though, so maybe I just haven’t caught up to the now. The Bearcats are favored by 7 but that seems low to me, even on the road. Maybe stay the fuck away from this one.

1 Alabama at 24 Texas A&M                                3:30pm              CBS

aTm is going to lose by 40 and somehow rank #15 on Sunday.

BYU at USF                                                            3:30pm            CBSSN

BYU is starting a black QB for the first time in school history. That’s kind of a jarring headline in 2019 for any school, isn’t it? 

UConn at Tulane                                                    3:45pm            ESPNU

Let’s run away from all the uncomfortable thoughts that go with BYU and gather together to laugh at UConn. It is wild that Tulane is favored by 34 over anybody. Willie Fritz is going to get offered a lot of money to go somewhere else for 2020 and I hope he stays put. Having a good coach and the occasionally best uniforms in the country is a cool combo.

Rhode Island at Virginia Tech                               4:00pm            ACCN

Virginia Tech won one of the most cursed games of all time last week and it would surprise basically nobody if they turned around and lost to the Fightin’ Lamar Odoms this week. Before you ask, yes, Rhode Island is bad even for a AA team.

Texas Tech at 22 Baylor                                         4:00pm             FS1

Baylor is ranked. Gross.

San Jose State at Nevada                                      4:00pm          ATTSN

If you’re a fan of Last Chance U, tune in to see Malik Henry take over as Nevada’s QB. The offense has been a shambles so far this year but the Wolfpack are still 3-2 and alive in the MWC so maybe the formerly big name recruit can provide a nice jolt.

UNLV at Vanderbilt                                                  4:00pm          SECN

People like to make jokes about the SEC not playing any good non-conference games and never going on the road to play out of conference.

Middle Tennessee at Florida Atlantic                    4:00pm          ESPN+

FAU is going to sneak into a bowl game this year and Lane Kiffin is going to get hired by like Florida State or some dumb shit. Looking forward to it all.

Iowa State at West Virginia                                     4:00pm          ESPN

The line opened at -7.5 for Iowa State and it’s moved up to -10. Both these teams are kind of messy and it’s being played in Morgantown. Somebody please enlighten us all in the comments.

Georgia State at Coastal Carolina                          5:00pm          ESPN+

This afternoon stretch is mostly pretty bleak for watchin’ ‘em up.

UAB at UTSA                                                             6:00pm          ESPN+

This game doesn’t change things much for the better. UAB should rock UTSA but this is on ESPN+ anyway, so it’s not like anybody will be watching it.

UMass at Louisiana Tech                                          7:00pm         ESPN3

Peeking down the page a bit, the night schedule actually looks pretty good. This one won’t be in the rotation. La Tech is good this year but UMass is pure trash. The 31.5-point line is a warning sign to stay away unless the game gets way the fuck out of hand really early.

Mississippi, Oxford at Missouri                               7:00pm          ESPN2

Kelly Bryant is, at long last, looking pretty good. Missouri’s offense is theoretically a good training ground for the NFL, so I’m happy for Bryant on that level, but I really just want to see extra misery (npi) poured on Mississippi.

North Texas at Southern Miss                                  7:00pm         Facebook

I swear to you the good games are on their way.

Fresno State at Air Force                                         7:00pm          CBSSN

We aren’t quite there yet but this is at least a cool looking game. The stadium, the uniforms, the offensive schemes. This is degenerate football.

Charlotte at FIU                                                         7:00pm            ESPN+

Butch Davis’s kids finally showed some signs of life last week but it’s still for the best that this one is on ESPN+ and out of sight.

Army at WKU                                                             7:00pm           Stadium

I don’t think you’ll need it but this is some pretty nice alternative program if the brand name stuff goes sideways.

10 Penn State at 17 Iowa                                          7:30pm             ABC

Two programs with very different histories dealing with disadvantaged kids clash in primetime. Here’s to another few years of contract for Kirk Ferentz following a minor but important upset victory.

USC at 9 Notre Dame                                                7:30pm             NBC

USC is great because they actually have a similar amount of talent to Notre Dame but they haven’t had a coach for the last few years. Nice to see one of college football’s storied rivalries played on the first weekend of October. I’m trying to believe the Trojans can win but honestly it would feel like a miracle if they keep things within spitting distance of the 10.5-point line.

Arkansas at Kentucky                                               7:30pm           SECN

Both of these teams are 2-3 and going nowhere but Kentucky -6.5 seems like a steal. Somebody talk Beer out of this one.

Louisville at 19 Wake Forest                                     7:30pm           ACCN

Wake Forest is the weird secret hope that at least one ACC team can stay in the top 25 all year long to make Clemson’s schedule just good enough to make the playoffs. If I know my ACC, Louisville is going to run all over them.

Navy at Tulsa                                                               7:30pm          ESPNU

I’m still not sold on this edition of Midshipmen football but maybe I’ve been too harsh on Malcolm Perry. We’re getting into the “pound the over” part of the year for Navy and I, possibly stupidly, feel pretty good about them winning this one. Which would make them 4-1 against the spread with three straight overs.

Nebraska at Minnesota                                               7:30pm            FS1

Undefeated and unranked Minnesota might be catching Nebraska at a bad time. The Huskers aren’t good but they have a little bit of fight in them. Which is what they hired Scott Frost for in the first place. Leaning Nebraska +7.5. Make of that what you will.

7 Florida at 5 LSU                                                        8:00pm           ESPN

What upside down version of the world are we in where Florida’s vicious defense is pitted against LSU’s unstoppable offense? This is the kind of place where the U.S. president would lay down the project of empire to let some pissant remnant of Alexander the Great’s conquests bomb American troops for the sake of... building some hotels somewhere, I think? This game is guaranteed to end well past midnight East Coast time.

15 Utah at Oregon State                                              8:00pm         Pac-12N

Well, Herman Munster, the Utes are people of the Great Basin whose ancestral homes covered most of present day Colorado and Utah. And the Utah Utes are gonna fuck Oregon State shit all up. Utah -14.5, under 59.5. Beware, all Pac-12 After Dark prognostication is functionally useless.

Hawaii at 14 Boise State                                            10:15pm        ESPN2

God do I want to sex this particular game. Hawaii vs. Boise on the blue turf, kicking off well after most of the country has gone to bed? This is what West Coast football is all about. Boise is the much better team but Hawaii still has the wild offense, so keep an eye on this even if the score looks one-sided at halftime.

Wyoming at San Diego State                                     10:30pm         CBSSN

In recent years this matchup has been the key to the MWC season but for some reason it got scheduled mid-season for 2019. Both are still in contention for the conference title and one of them is likely to get serious top 25 consideration tomorrow. SDSU has my heart but an o/u of 38 makes this one sound painful.

Washington at Arizona                                                11:00pm           FS1

Pac-12 scheduling baby! Why is it designed to make people not see their best teams and most dynamic players? Who knows but it’s a tradition now. UDub has sort of fallen apart after their preseason top 10 ranking but nobody is going to look to Arizona for consistency. The line has moved down, which suggests people are betting in decent numbers, but you have to got serious problems if you think this is a good ride to take.

[noemiejulianne-blog]

Being married was wonderful, being pregnant was even better. Noemie finally thought that she had it all. The love of her life, the acceptance of a country; maybe she was going to be just fine settling in as the Princess of Wales. The honeymoon was perfectly fine but ever since she laid eyes on Ms. Cassie Chun, things were not the same. No, in fact… things seemed to get worse. Noemie chalked it up to being her hormones at first but the more she saw that woman, the angrier she got. She could see the way she looked at him as if he was the sun, the moon and the stars. Noemie knew that look all too well and she couldn’t help but spiral into her own fears. Was she not enough? Was the Prince’s appetite insatiable? Better yet, was he indulging in those sins now that Noemie was with child? Maybe he never wanted this at all. The child could have ruined everything. In the shower, she would contemplate a few things… the darkest of things. Noemie was not in a happy place, in fact, she was so bitterly angry that she would inflict unhappiness onto herself if it meant that she could somehow find her way back to where she was. I could get rid of it… Maybe things will be back to normal. She noticed the tiniest of things… hunger cravings, a bit of weight gain in the hips. It was subtle, nothing that anyone else would notice but Noemie could see it. Extra makeup had to be applied because the Princess had broken out into hives once already. The stress was getting the better of her to which it caused slight cramps here and there. Noemie grinned and told herself that she could handle the weight of the world on her small shoulders. If she wasn’t going to do it, then who was? Although the thought of the child disappearing had been on her mind during a somber shower; the French woman reminded herself of the pain she felt — physically and emotionally when she lost Olivia. It took her years to let that little girl go and without even getting to know this one, she felt that she was ready to give it all up. “You’re ridiculous, Noemie.” She would utter it to herself each night, especially this one. She sat at her desk, looking over paper after paper. It all seemed the same now and she pushed it aside, a headache now coming on. Noemie reached for her phone and instead of calling her bodyguard, Nathan, she accidentally called Malcolm. Noemie had asked if he had heard from the Prince and of course, he said no. The two of them were not speaking for whatever it may have been that went on between them. It wasn’t her business but she was siding with Malcolm out of slight annoyance. After all, he helped open her eyes to what Cassie truly was. A woman who didn’t belong. Noemie swore she heard him mention Cassie and Chris’ name in the same sentence to which she angrily hung up—something she would apologize for later. Her fingers properly dialed the right number and Nathan picked up, immediately realizing that he needed to fetch the car for her. Twenty minutes later, she walked out of her office at the school (one of the last times she would do so) and was met with Nathan, standing quite tall with his long Samoan mane and a man of slightly shorter stature and a square jaw. Not to mention, some of the prettiest eyes she had ever seen. Nathan: Noemie, I want you to meet someone. Noemie: I’m waiting. Nathan: This is Trevor Donovan. A really good friend of mine from Romania. He’s been living in the United States for a while and I mentioned that I was serving the— Trevor: —the most beautiful woman in the world. He proceeded to take her hand and place a simple but sweet kiss on it. For the first time in what seemed like days, Noemie felt a smile creep onto her face. A genuine one. She nibbled on her lower lip and walked towards the car but Trevor took her bag and opened the door, “Let me help. You look so tired, Ms. Clovis.” Her brow raised as she walked closer to the door, just inches away from stepping in and having a seat. “It’s Mrs. Gruffidd.” The woman mentioned with ease and gave him a smile. “My mistake. I forgot you were married…” I’m sure you did. She rolled her eyes at his words but carefully sat down, a hand upon her stomach. The three engaged in conversation and she found herself laughing like a giddy schoolgirl. The last time she felt like this was years ago—when she first met Chris. For some reason, she wanted to know more about this Trevor fellow and what he had to offer; professionally, of course. But it all came to a halt when she felt that cramp coming back to bother her. Although she was having fun in the moment, her stress levels were still rising. Panic set in as it reminded her of what happened all those years ago. Flashbacks of the accident and being cramped in a car made her hands go clammy. “Stop the car.” Noemie spoke but the boys were laughing it up and she slammed on the back of Trevor’s headrest. “STOP THE CAR!” Nathan pulled over and came to a stop, putting the car in park. Noemie was breathing heavily, her chest heaving. Instead of acting fast, the other gentleman stepped up to the plate and crawled into the back of the car. “Mrs. Gruffudd! It’s okay, calm down. Look at me—look at me!” With a frantic feeling overcoming her, she felt her breathing begin to steady. The warmth of his hands upon her cheeks caused her to feel safe. His thumb caressed over the ball of her cheek and Noemie had finally felt secure in her own skin again… Getting a grasp of the things that were plaguing her over the last few days, she reluctantly pulled away from Trevor’s touch and nodded as she was not ready to say thank you. The rest of the drive was a quiet one, of course as they were worried about how to handle the Princess going forward. As the Knightsbridge home approached, she was quick to open the car door before anyone could aide her. Now was the time to get herself together, to be cool and calm—but most importantly, collected. Noemie: Thank you for taking me home. It was a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Donovan. Trevor: The pleasure is all mine, Ma’am. Nathan: He’s looking for a job, you know. Know anyone who needs a bodyguard? Silence ensued before the woman laced her fingers together, letting them hang in front of her small frame. “Come to my office Monday morning. I’ve got a different job for you.” 

[omniishambles]

governmentofficial​:

Malcolm’s laugher was met with wide eyed worrying that he was laughing at him. Even if he was being reassured that such a thing wasn’t the case, Mycroft wasn’t completely convinced that it was true. Then again, though… This was Malcolm. He wasn’t afraid to tell anybody exactly what he thought of them, If he wanted to laugh at Mycroft, then he bloody well would do so, no?

“It is a bit sad,” Mycroft agreed. He loved his father, but even he could admit that - especially in his current state..Even then, though, he didn’t really blame his father for his behaviour. The man just wanted what was best for his children. Sherlock and Eurus obviously weren’t going to listen, so he had to put pressure on Mycroft so that at least one of the children succeeded, no?

But anyway, at the end of the day, none of it mattered. It was what it was, and nothing Mycroft could do would change that. He just wished that maybe he could get a little recognition for what he had managed to achieve over the course of his career.

“I’ve had too much to drink,” Mycroft then mused, more to himself than anything. If he was thinking about this kind of thing, let alone actually talking about it, then he had definitely had far more than a glass too many.

Oh dear. How was he going to get home? He was too drunk to drive, and he didn’t want a drver to see him like this…

Hm. Malcolm could drive, right?

“I don’t suppose you could take me home?”

        * * *

   “Nobody drives in central London.” Malcolm replied, nose wrinkling at the idea of having to sit in that traffic in his own car. Wasn’t it bad enough he had to do it in a taxi? “But there is a driver who owes me a favour. A big one. He knows how to keep his mouth shut, let me see if he’s down there-”

 He pulled out his phone, flicking through the contact list effortlessly. It was muscle memory, it was programmed in. He stopped on the number and hit dial. Sometimes Malcolm liked to walk at least part of the way home, other times he hopped on the tube, glad to disappear into a crowd and enjoy the unspoken rule of silence that pervaded all tube carriages.

 Nothing but the sound of machinery hurtling them all through dark tunnels, or the crisp announcements at every station. His phone didn’t get service down there, so he used it sparingly, but you certainly wouldn’t catch him on a fucking bus.

   “Hey, Trevor! How’re you doing? Still inhaling fumes when nobody’s looking? Yeah, yeah, that’s what she told you it was. Anyway, listen- you remember a few months ago when a certain story didn’t break? A story about you and that junior minister? Yeah? Well, I’m cashing in my chips. Where are you?”

 There was reluctance, but honestly, this favour was milder than what the driver could have had to pay back. Malcolm liked to have a reserve of favours he could call in when he needed them, but only when it was strictly necessary. They were precious currency, not to be wasted. 

 When the driver confirmed he wasn’t far away and would collect them- and never acknowledge that it had ever happened at all- he hung up.

   “Ten minutes. Alright? Trust me, can you manage that?”

        * * *

[viraljournalist]

Who is Kawhi Leonard?

New Post has been published on https://viraljournalist.com/who-is-kawhi-leonard/

Who is Kawhi Leonard?

Jun 9, 2019

Tim BontempsESPN

FRAN FRASCHILLA ARRIVED arrived at the 2008 Paul Pierce skill development camp at Mater Dei High School in Santa Ana, California, waiting to be impressed.

“We had about 25 kids there,” said Fraschilla, the ESPN analyst and former college basketball coach, “and I don’t want to look at the list of kids and see where they are ranked. I’m going to coach the guys in the drills — we had a two-hour workout — and try to make up my mind after the first workout who can play, and who is better than who, or whatever.”

With that in mind, Fraschilla put 25 of the best high school wing players in the country through their paces. And, before long, one of them stood out among the rest.

“After the first morning, this kid was always at the front of the line,” Fraschilla said. “He never said anything in the drills, but he was a ferocious competitor. When I asked about him, they said he was a local kid from the Inland Empire [a region that begins about 40 miles east of downtown Los Angeles], and we wanted to give him a chance.

“He competed the entire three days and didn’t say a word. I don’t remember a conversation with him. … I don’t even remember what his voice was at the time.”

More than a decade later, the question remains: Who is Kawhi Leonard?

Kawhi Leonard was the 48th-ranked recruit in the class of 2009, and played two seasons at San Diego State Chris Coduto/Icon SMI

KAWHI LEONARD IS is a man of few words.

His coaches at San Diego State learned that quickly as they were trying to recruit him — and struggling to get him to return their phone calls.

“He was fun to talk to,” said Justin Hutson, one of the assistant coaches on Steve Fisher’s staff who was tasked with recruiting Leonard. “But he just wasn’t easy to get ahold of.

“Once you got him on the phone, he was engaging, would talk to you. But you just had to be persistent.”

Hutson, now the head coach at Fresno State, would regularly get in his car and drive the roughly 100 miles north from San Diego to Martin Luther King High School in Riverside, California, to see Leonard practice and play.

Eventually, as Leonard’s star began to rise — he was named California’s Mr. Basketball after his senior season — major conference schools began calling.

“I think he thought we were sincere in what we were saying and how we were behaving,” Hutson said.

Find everything you need to know about the NBA Finals here.

• Schedules, matchups and more • Sources: Warriors fear KD tore Achilles • NBA players react to Kevin Durant injury • Can Warriors come back without Durant? • Predictions: Favorites and likely MVPs • What’s next for eliminated teams?

“It’s very simple. He wants to win basketball games, and work hard. He’s a loyal guy, and I think that was important to him that we were sincere.”

Leonard boiled it down even more.

“I always thought, even just growing up, go with the people that love you the most,” he said. “Don’t go to somebody that doesn’t want you.

“San Diego State was recruiting me, and one of my friends was going there, too, so that was a big part of me going there. And, them sticking around, that was that much better. … I wanted to go to a school that loved me.”

Leonard also wanted to go to a school that provided him a path to the next level. During Leonard’s senior year of high school, the Aztecs had a senior wing named Lorrenzo Wade, who was being discussed as a possible NBA second-round pick.

Though Wade ultimately wasn’t drafted, it was proof enough to Leonard that the school would give him a true opportunity to chase his ambitious dreams.

“I knew you could go to the NBA from the school, and that’s all I wanted,” Leonard said. “To go to a school where I could play right away, show my talent and be able to be looked at by scouts.”

Kawhi Leonard started to believe he could reach the NBA when he was a junior in high school. Gina Ferazzi/Los Angeles Times/Getty Images

KAWHI LEONARD IS a man with a single goal.

It’s the one underlying principle that has driven him since high school: He never will be accused of not working hard enough.

“I always used to be outside playing, watching the games, trying to work on my moves,” Leonard told ESPN. “I was in ninth grade or 10th grade, and [the other players] were seniors, and they were trying to get into Division I. But they started working out too late, so they were looking at D-2. I just never wanted to be in that predicament, where I was scrambling last minute.”

That wouldn’t be a problem for Leonard, who eventually began to think about bigger goals than Division I basketball. By the time he was a junior in high school, Leonard was confident he could eventually play in the NBA.

“I was 6-6, I could shoot the ball, and I wasn’t playing the post just because I was big,” Leonard said, surgically ticking off his skills at the time.

And, all the while, he was scanning the competition around him to see how he measured up. As he was preparing for his senior year, another hot prospect from a rival high school, Malcolm Lee, was preparing to begin his college career at UCLA.

“He was better than me at the time,” Leonard said. “But I just knew that, if I worked, I could get there.”

And among those who knew Leonard best, there was never any doubt that he would put in the work.

“It’s very simple. He wants to win basketball games, and work hard.”

Justin Hutson on Kawhi Leonard

“[He was] self-disciplined,” said Clint Parks, Leonard’s longtime trainer. “You never had to be like, ‘Hey, you needed to be at the gym. Is this important [to you]?’ I never had to say that. I don’t know if someone else did, but I can’t imagine it. Nothing came before getting better.”

Leonard was always sizing up the next rung of competition. The Paul Pierce camp where he crossed paths with Fraschilla offered him a singular opportunity to separate himself from the pack. The smaller roster of attendees meant everyone watching would be forced to see how each participant performed.

“It was good, just being able to be in front of NBA scouts who could see what your game was about,” Leonard told ESPN. “There wasn’t 100 players there, so they could really see you play, and see how you play against the best players.”

For Leonard, those best players were the other local stars who served as a measuring stick. There was Lee, the nearby rival whom Leonard saw as a marker to chase down. Ditto for James Harden, another Southern California product who would go on to be the No. 3 pick in the 2009 NBA draft. At first, though, Leonard’s goals were far more modest than trying to replicate Harden’s rise.

“I just always looked at the last guy on the end of the bench, and thought I could be better than him,” Leonard said. “I thought I always had a chance.”

Others, though, knew Leonard could be more.

“He was an NBA player when he was a freshman in college,” Trevor Ariza told ESPN.

Kawhi Leonard and Trevor Ariza first faced each other nearly a decade ago, when Leonard was in college. Geoff Burke-USA TODAY Sports

KAWHI LEONARD IS not afraid to test himself against the best.

When he was working out at San Diego State in 2010, between his freshman and sophomore seasons, he got word that Ariza — then firmly entrenched as an NBA player, and already having won a title with the Los Angeles Lakers — would be working out on campus.

So Leonard sought out Ariza, who had come to work out with his trainer, former Aztecs guard Tony Bland, and asked to take part. Ariza agreed, and found himself immediately impressed with how Leonard handled himself.

“Man, my first impression of him was, ‘This kid is here to work, period,'” Ariza told ESPN with a laugh. “No matter what.”

That summer in San Diego, Ariza was putting in plenty of work. Every day, he would get in the gym twice — once early in the morning, and then again in the evening. It was a grueling schedule, one Ariza thought would put him above and beyond anyone else.

There was only one problem: Leonard.

“I prided myself on being there first person in all the time,” Ariza said. “And, when I got there, he was already there. He’d done everything he needed to do, and he was ready to work out again. … When I saw the work ethic he had, I knew he was going to be special.”

2 Related

Leonard was motivated to show up early to test himself against an NBA player. And Ariza wasn’t just any NBA player. He was someone Leonard respected — but also someone who didn’t overwhelm the young forward on the court.

“Trevor was big for me in college,” Leonard said. “Playing against him, I just felt like I held my own at the time.

“I probably won a game. I don’t remember. … [but] I was fortunate he would let me work out with him.”

Leonard might not remember, but Ariza certainly did.

“He was winning one-on-one drills that we were playing. He didn’t win them all, but he wanted to,” Ariza said with a laugh. “He went as hard as he could every single time. … He has that edge to him that you need to be the caliber of player that he is.”

Danny Green and Kawhi Leonard have been teammates for eight seasons. Gary Dineen/NBAE/Getty Images

KAWHI LEONARD IS still improving.

When Leonard was selected by the Indiana Pacers with the No. 15 overall pick in the 2011 draft and immediately traded to the San Antonio Spurs, he was seen as a player with a nice future as a defensive stopper on the wing.

“Just how long his arms were and how big his hands were, like everybody else,” Danny Green told ESPN with a smile, when asked what stood out about Leonard when he first met him. “He’s like a science experiment.

“At first, nobody could gauge or guess [what he’d become]. Nobody could predict that. Nobody looked at him as something special.”

The first signs of something different about Leonard, though, came right after the Spurs got their hands on him. With an NBA work stoppage rapidly approaching, there were only seven days when the Spurs could work with him before he wouldn’t be allowed to have contact with the team.

So Leonard spent as much of the week between the draft and the lockout as possible working with Chip Engelland, the Spurs’ famed shooting coach; the knock on Leonard coming into the draft had been that he struggled to make shots consistently. By the time Leonard returned to San Antonio after the 161-day lockout ended, he had completely remade his shot. After making just 29% of his 3-point attempts from the shorter college line as a sophomore, he shot 37.6% from beyond the arc as a rookie, fifth best among rookies who attempted at least 100 3-pointers that season.

The Raptors have a 3-2 lead on the defending champs. Can the Warriors stay alive in the final game ever at Oracle Arena? Tune in here.

Thursday, June 13 • Game 6 | 9 p.m. ET | ABC/WatchESPN

Sunday, June 16 • Game 7* | 8 p.m. ET | ABC/WatchESPN *If necessary

Things quickly escalated from there, to the point where Leonard has grown into arguably the best player in the world — one capable of impacting games at both ends from anywhere on the court, as he did to start the third quarter of Game 4 of the 2019 NBA Finals by hitting back-to-back 3-pointers over Draymond Green, sandwiched around stealing the ball from him.

“I think maybe a couple years ago, early in his career when he first started coming into his own, there was a lot of, ‘Where the f— did this come from?'” Danny Green said. “Coming into the league he was a defensive guy and he became a one-on-one offensive guy who could shoot the ball from 3.

“When he started emerging, I think teams were like, ‘Wow.'”

Leonard’s 36-point performance Friday night was his 14th 30-point game this postseason. Only Hakeem Olajuwon, Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant have had more. It’s impressive company for someone who wasn’t seen as a scorer when he came into the league.

“You got to give him his credit,” Draymond Green said. “He imposed his will on the game, and all the other guys followed him. So I’m not sure if it will ever look like those other guys, but he gets the job done.”

As for how he gets it done, Parks has a simple explanation.

“I always tell people, ‘Kawhi Leonard has been the truth,'” Parks said. “His story is about his work ethic, if you ask me. That’s what will always stand out about him.”

KAWHI LEONARD IS a fun guy.

That was his description of himself — one he immediately followed up with “I love the game of basketball” — when introduced to the Toronto media in September. New Balance launched a “Fun Guy” campaign after signing Leonard earlier this season, and the unusual laugh that ended his answer at that media session has since become the stuff of viral legend.

But those who know Leonard away from the court will unanimously say he’s far funnier than given credit for.

“There’s no question he has a dry sense of humor,” Hutson said. “That describes him very well.”

Raptors teammate Kyle Lowry backed up that sentiment.

“He’s funny as s—,” Lowry said. “He’s got a dry sense of humor. He’s got a Vince Vaughn-like [sense of humor].”

This statement was later relayed to Leonard.

“Vince Vaughn? Who’s that?” Leonard asked.

One of the stars of “Old School” is described to Leonard, who shows a glimpse of recognition.

“Oh, yeah, yeah. I know who you’re talking about,” Leonard said, breaking out in a smile.

Then, he pauses.

“I don’t know. I guess people describe you better than yourself, right?”

Source link

[toldnews-blog]

New Post has been published on https://toldnews.com/world/united-states-of-america/joe-biden-facebook-n-f-l-draft-your-thursday-briefing/

Joe Biden, Facebook, N.F.L. Draft: Your Thursday Briefing

(Want to get this briefing by email? Here’s the sign-up.)

Good morning,

We’re covering Joe Biden’s long-awaited campaign announcement, the brewing fight between the White House and Congress, and a potential $5 billion fine for Facebook.

Mr. Biden, 76, is set to offer himself as a moderate and a trustee of former President Barack Obama’s legacy, which he will hope can attract a broad cross-section of voters who want to move on from President Trump. But his long political record is expected to face intense scrutiny, particularly from younger, more progressive Democrats.

The details: We examined where Mr. Biden stands on the issues, and how his views have changed over nearly 50 years in Washington.

Closer look: The Democratic Party has grown increasingly progressive and diverse since Mr. Biden first ran for the Senate in 1972.

President Trump vows to fight “all the subpoenas”

The Trump administration has made a series of moves this week to block multiple investigations, which could redefine Congress’s power to conduct oversight of the executive branch as well as presidents’ power to keep government affairs secret.

Citing the end of the special counsel’s investigation, Mr. Trump said on Wednesday that he had been investigated enough. “These aren’t, like, impartial people,” he said. “The Democrats are trying to win 2020.”

Closer look: Past administrations have also been reluctant to comply with congressional requests, but Mr. Trump’s actions are unusual, our chief Washington correspondent writes.

News analysis: The president once welcomed the special counsel’s report as a “total exoneration,” but he has shifted to calling it a “total ‘hit job’” produced by “true Trump haters.” Our chief White House correspondent examines Mr. Trump’s increasingly incongruous messaging about the findings.

Another angle: The special counsel’s report also revealed that Mr. Trump repeatedly sought to have the Justice Department reopen an investigation into Hillary Clinton and her use of a private email server.

The timing of a potential fine was unclear. Facebook has been in negotiations with the F.T.C. over a financial penalty for claims that the company violated a 2011 privacy consent decree.

American regulators have been criticized as lacking scrutiny of tech giants, even as their European counterparts have moved aggressively against the companies.

Quotable: “This would be a joke of a fine — a two-weeks-of-revenue, parking-ticket-level penalty for destroying democracy,” said Matt Stoller, a fellow at the Open Markets Institute, a think tank that is critical of tech companies’ powers. Facebook had $56 billion in revenue last year.

Sri Lanka faces new threats

Imams in the country are being encouraged to cancel Friday Prayer services after the police said that they had information that Sufi Muslims could be attacked by Islamist extremists. Cardinal Malcolm Ranjith of Colombo, the capital, has suspended services for Roman Catholic worshipers through the weekend.

The American ambassador to Sri Lanka, Alaina Teplitz, said on Wednesday that there were “ongoing terrorist plots,” days after suicide bombers killed more than 350 people at churches and hotels across the country.

Another angle: After the Easter Sunday attacks, Muslims in some areas of Sri Lanka are facing a backlash from gangs of Christians. The two faiths are small minorities in the country, which is predominantly Buddhist.

If you have 5 minutes, this is worth it

Working in the weed industry

While cannabis is still illegal on a federal level, it’s allowed at least for medical purposes in 33 states. And that’s creating hundreds of thousands of jobs, ranging from farm work to executive positions to “budtenders,” who help customers decide what kind of cannabis they want.

But working in the industry comes with caveats, including stigma and a pay cut.

Here’s what else is happening

North Korea-Russia meeting: The North’s leader, Kim Jong-un, met with President Vladimir Putin in Russia today. Mr. Kim is seeking support for sanctions relief and a gradual approach to nuclear disarmament that the Trump administration opposes.

Measles outbreak: The number of cases has risen to 695 — the highest annual number recorded since 2000, when the disease was declared eliminated in the U.S. The virus mostly has affected families that do not vaccinate their children.

White supremacist’s execution: John William King was put to death in Texas on Wednesday for the murder of James Byrd Jr., who was chained to the back of a pickup truck and dragged to his death in 1998.

Snapshot: Above, the Grand Organ at Notre-Dame in Paris last year. The cathedral’s three primary organists initially feared that the instrument — which has five keyboards and almost 8,000 pipes — had been destroyed in the fire that devastated the building last week, but technicians have confirmed that it is safe.

N.F.L. draft: Here’s a preview of the first round tonight. A talented class of rookies is led by the Heisman Trophy-winning quarterback Kyler Murray.

“Jeopardy!” champion: James Holzhauer has won more than $1 million in just 15 games, putting him second on the all-time earnings list. The Times spoke to him about his aggressive strategy.

Late-night comedy: Several of the hosts noted a meeting in which President Trump reportedly asked Twitter’s chief executive why he had been losing followers. “It’s like breaking the news to a child that Santa isn’t real,” Trevor Noah said. “It’s like, ‘Sir, you’re 72 now, so I think you’re old enough to know the truth: @MIKHAIL_62875 isn’t a real person.’”

What we’re watching: This TED Talk by Mariah Gladstone, a member of the Blackfeet Nation. “She’s also a cook with a degree from Columbia,” says our national food correspondent, Kim Severson, “who started a cooking show called ‘Indigikitchen’ to help people remember what food was like before colonization: locavore paleo.”

Now, a break from the news

Cook: Korean barbecue flavors inspire this easy meatball recipe.

Listen: In his “Ring” cycle, Wagner uses musical themes to create a world of gods, heroes, dwarves and giants. Here’s how.

Go: With few exceptions, musical comedies today are comedic only in the sense that the protagonist doesn’t croak, and musical only in the sense that he does. The new “Tootsie” is an exception, one of our critics writes.

Read: The humorist Dave Barry describes emulating his dog’s grace in “Lessons From Lucy,” which is new this week on our hardcover nonfiction and combined print and e-book nonfiction best-seller lists.

Smarter Living: Apologies are complicated. The urge to be polite undermines your confidence, critics say, and underscores your own insecurity. But context matters, and saying sorry isn’t always a bad thing.

And eating better can change your mood.

And now for the Back Story on …

He-he-helium

This is the International Year of the Periodic Table, so named by the United Nations to honor what is considered the 150th anniversary of a crucial discovery by a Russian chemist, Dmitri Mendeleev.

In 1869, he published the first recognizable periodic table, arranging the 63 elements then known by increasing atomic number — the total number of protons in an atomic nucleus — and in vertical stacks that corresponded to recurring patterns or properties.

That concise organization revealed and predicted many elemental dynamics, and the table became the foundation for chemistry, nuclear physics and other sciences. The periodic system is considered one of modern science’s most important achievements.

But it can also help to explain the chemistry behind a popular party trick: inhaling helium from a balloon to make your voice sound funny.

Helium is lighter than oxygen, enabling the vibrations of your vocal cords to travel more quickly, which shifts the resonant frequencies in your vocal tract to the higher end.

That’s it for this briefing. See you next time.

— Chris

Thank you To Mark Josephson, Eleanor Stanford, Chris Harcum and Kenneth R. Rosen for the break from the news. Katie Van Syckle wrote today’s Back Story. You can reach the team at briefing@nytimes.com.

P.S. • We’re listening to “The Daily.” Today’s episode is about accusations against a Navy SEAL leader. • Here’s today’s mini crossword puzzle, and a clue: Operator of the world’s largest cargo airline (5 letters). You can find all our puzzles here. • “Caliphate,” a Times podcast series that followed our reporter Rukmini Callimachi’s work on the Islamic State, won a 2018 Peabody Award.

[junker-town]

Leipold’s Buffalo should have a reset 2019 amid the breakthrough

Buffalo will be led by high-upside sophomores in 2019. That probably says great things about 2020.

By the end of 2018, Leipold had done most of what he had set out to do when he left comfortable surroundings for an unfamiliar venture.

At the age of 50, having just won his sixth Division III title in eight years at Wisconsin-Whitewater, Leipold had jumped to the MAC. He had spent two seasons stripping the Bulls down to the studs, but late in a rickety third season — lose two in a row, win three in a row, lose four in a row — things clicked. And it very much continued in year four.

After winning the last three games of 2017, Buffalo went 10-2 in the 2018 regular season, winning the MAC East and surging to a 29-10 lead over NIU in the conference title game. The Bulls had a sound defense — it peaked at 61st in Def. S&P+ — and an offense loaded with star power in the form of quarterback Tyree Jackson, receivers Anthony Johnson and K.J. Osborn, and All-MAC center James O’Hagan. All the foundation work, culture building, and talent identification was paying off.

After starting 10-23 in Buffalo, Leipold had won 13 of 15 and was on the doorstep of a conference title.

Now he has to realize the vision all over again. And for about 16 minutes longer.

The Bulls went into cruise control offensively after going up 19 points in the MAC Championship, and they couldn’t shift out of it. The Huskies scored the final 20 and won, 30-29. UB lost a fun Dollar General Bowl to Troy — no shame there — and then lost Johnson and O’Hagan to graduation, Jackson to early NFL draft declaration, and Osborn to grad transfer. (He’s a Miami Hurricane now.)

The defense, which had slipped to 83rd in Def. S&P+, retains some star power, but its two-deep got Thanos’d: three of the top five defensive linemen, two of three linebackers, and three of five defensive backs are all gone.

Leipold and Buffalo aren’t completely starting over. The culture is roughly in place. He’s still got a sturdy offensive line and exciting sophomores — running backs Jaret Patterson and Kevin Marks, receiver Charlie Jones, linebacker James Patterson, cornerback Aapri Washington, etc.

But with the way 2018 ended, UB fans are probably clamoring for an immediate do-over and another MAC run, and it might take a season of repair work before that happens.

Offense

Life with Tyree Jackson was a roller coaster. His footwork betrayed him at times. His arm angle would slouch, and despite his 6’7 stature, he’d throw like he was about 6’2. He’d willingly scramble out of the pocket on a play-making quest.

Jackson would sometimes slip into a rut — he went a combined 19-for-45 for 268 yards, one touchdown, and two picks in blowout losses to Army and Ohio, and his completion rate was 51 percent or lower in six of 14 games.

Those quests would frequently pay off, though. Buffalo did rank 10th in Passing S&P+, after all. Jackson was behind center for UB’s first 10-win season, and his success will be a recruiting tool.

But you have to think coordinator Andy Kotelnicki isn’t absolutely dreading life without him, you know? Jackson’s replacement will almost certainly have lower upside, but if that’s offset by better stability, maybe that’s a trade Leipold and Kotelnicki are willing to make. That’s the positive spin, anyway.

Barring a grad transfer, UB will be choosing from among a foursome of big (but not 6’7) replacements:

Junior Kyle Vantrease (6’3, 230, former three-star recruit), who saw a few snaps in reserve time last year but attempted only nine passes. In his only sustained action — filling in for an injured Jackson for two games in 2017 — he was no more consistent, going 25-for-57 against NIU and Miami (Ohio).

Junior Dominic Johnson (6’5, 220, unrated recruit), an Ontario product who also saw a handful of snaps and threw two passes — one to his team and one to the opponent.

Redshirt freshman Matt Myers (6’4, 220, two-star recruit), a state champ from nearby West Seneca who showed well in fall camp.

Incoming freshman Trevor Bycznski (6’5, 230, three-star recruit), who threw for 3,500 yards at Berea-Midpark High outside of Cleveland.

Kotelnicki will have to choose between two juniors with knowledge of the system and two youngsters with big arms and upside. They tasked Jackson with starting as a redshirt freshman back in 2016, so it wouldn’t be unheard of if they went young.

Whoever they choose will have a sturdy run game to lean on.

John David Mercer-USA TODAY Sports

Jarret Patterson

After a slow start to Jarret Patterson’s freshman season (19 carries for 71 yards in his first three games) the former gray shirt (he committed in the 2017 class but didn’t enroll until January 2018), erupted for 104 yards and two scores against Rutgers and barely looked back. The 5’9, 195-pounder was nearly as important to UB’s division title run as Jackson — in the Bulls’ last seven wins of the year, he averaged 6.4 yards per carry and 111 yards per game and scored 11 touchdowns.

In their four losses: 3.8 yards per carry, 41 yards per game, two touchdowns.

Patterson split time with Kevin Marks, another true freshman who played the role of short-yardage back. Though neither was incredibly explosive, they combined for a 46 percent success rate.

The line loses O’Hagan but is scheduled to return five players a combined 87 career starts, including a pair of potentially dynamite tackles in Evin Ksiezarczyk and Kayode Awosika. This isn’t a huge line, but to my eye, the Bulls’ run game was built primarily around zone blocking (which requires less size) and one-cut-and-go running. It worked pretty well.

Photo by Mitchell Leff/Getty Images

Charlie Jones

UB was a pretty run-heavy team in 2018 despite the star power in the passing game. The Bulls rushed 60 percent of the time on standard downs (right at the national average) and 42 percent on passing downs (well above). That was a stylistic choice, but it might be a necessity this time. In Johnson, Osborn, and George Rushing, they must replace a combined 132 receptions, 2,090 yards, and 22 touchdowns.

There are at least a couple of exciting options in the receiving corps. Tight end Tyler Mabry (27 catches, two touchdowns) was the most efficient target, and in Charlie Jones, UB might have another star. His route tree was similar to Johnson’s, and his per-target production was even better. He averaged 21.9 yards per catch over 18 receptions and played an explosive role in big games — he had three catches for 63 yards against Temple, one for 53 against Rutgers, two for 53 against Army, and two for 57 against Toledo.

Jones’ success might be tied to whether other receiving options emerge. There are plenty of candidates. Junior Antonio Nunn saw plenty of action, sophomore Rodney Scott III and incoming freshman Trevor Solomon-Wilson are former star recruits, and Leipold brought in two JUCOs in Daniel Lee and Larry Rembert Jr. If the run game is steady, and opponents have more than one WR to fear, Jones could have a huge year.

Defense

The Pattersons might become program-defining signees for UB. And they were grayshirts! While Jarret was helping to establish the Buffalo run game, his stockier brother James was leading the Bulls’ defense with nine tackles for loss and four forced fumbles from the linebacker position. His presence, alongside junior ends Taylor Riggins and Malcolm Koonce (combined: 10.5 TFLs, eight sacks), means the defense could still have a proven attacking presence.

Depth was a key for coordinator Brian Borland’s front seven last year, and there’s less of it this time. Linebacker Khalil Hodge is gone, as are pass-rush specialist Chuck Harris and leading interior lineman Justin Brandon. But Patterson, Riggins, Koonce, and other younger players like sophomore linebacker Tim Terry Jr., sophomore tackle Eddie Wilson, and junior linebacker Kadofi Wright are exciting.

John David Mercer-USA TODAY Sports

Tyrone Hill

Buffalo’s pass defense was aggressive and effective. The Bulls were fourth in passing marginal efficiency, 15th in completion rate allowed, and 25th in sack rate. The pass rush should still be strong, but losing corners Tatum Slack and Cameron Lewis (combined: five INTs, 10 breakups) hurts. Safeties Tyrone Hill and Joey Banks are still patrolling, and corner Aapri Washington looks like the real deal, but he’ll need a new dance partner.

The Bulls could stand to shore things up in run defense, too. Even with a ridiculously good run pursuer in Hodge, UB still ranked only 84th in rushing marginal efficiency. Guys like Patterson, Wright, and Wilson have loads of potential, but it might be difficult to improve without Hodge — the goal might be to just maintain last year’s numbers. If the pass defense slips, then, so will the overall numbers.

Special Teams

Buffalo posted both its best Off. S&P+ and Def. S&P+ ratings under Leipold in 2018. He has yet to figure out special teams. While up-and-down swings are semi-common, UB has established the wrong kind of consistency: 121st in Special Teams S&P+ in 2015, 121st in 2016, 123rd in 2017, 126th in 2018.

Charlie Jones provided some pop in the return game, but the legs were a problem. Buffalo ranked 122nd in punt efficiency, 107th in FG efficiency, and 101st in kickoff efficiency. The Bulls are in the market for a new place-kicker, and punter Evan Finegan was a freshman, so maybe there’s room for growth.

2019 outlook

2019 Schedule & Projection Factors

Date Opponent Proj. S&P+ Rk Proj. Margin Win Probability 31-Aug Robert Morris NR 38.8 99% 7-Sep at Penn State 14 -27.9 5% 14-Sep at Liberty 112 4.3 60% 21-Sep Temple 66 -6.7 35% TBD Bowling Green 123 14.9 81% TBD Central Michigan 122 14.0 79% TBD Ohio 82 -2.6 44% TBD Toledo 78 -3.2 43% TBD at Akron 124 10.4 73% TBD at Eastern Michigan 96 -3.1 43% TBD at Kent State 111 4.2 60% TBD at Miami (Ohio) 93 -4.6 40%

Projected S&P+ Rk 97 Proj. Off. / Def. Rk 88 / 99 Projected wins 6.6 Five-Year S&P+ Rk -9.8 (102) 2- and 5-Year Recruiting Rk 112 2018 TO Margin / Adj. TO Margin* 4 / -0.8 2018 TO Luck/Game +1.7 Returning Production (Off. / Def.) 43% (40%, 46%) 2018 Second-order wins (difference) 9.5 (0.5)

Just as any season with a new QB becomes a tossup, S&P+ sees all sorts of tossups on Buffalo’s schedule. Projected 97th overall, the Bulls are looking at four likely wins, one likely loss, and seven games projected within a touchdown.

So yeah, a favorable QB situation could flip a lot of games.

Whether Buffalo figures out its signal-caller right away or not, the Bulls are not starting from scratch. The floor was 2-10 when Jackson took over, and I don’t think it’s anywhere near that now. There’s just too much young talent, and it’s spread over just about every unit, from running back to receiver to the trenches to linebacker to the secondary.

Whether this is a “just eke out bowl eligibility” year or something more, we’ll probably know by the time conference play begins. The non-conference slate is a perfect set of tests: a nearly sure win against Robert Morris, a nearly sure loss against Penn State, and two relative tossups — a trip to Liberty and a visit from Temple. If the Bulls are 1-3, then 6-6 is the only goal. If they’re 3-1, they’re a MAC contender.

In 2020, they’ll probably be a MAC contender no matter what.

Team preview stats

All 2019 preview data to date.

[tjromeland]

Today we’d like to introduce you to TJ Romeland.

TJ Romeland is a German-born “Army Brat” He and his family returned to North America, 3 years after his birth. The family traveled all over the United States, before finally settling in Southern, California in 1980.

By the time TJ was a preteen, he was aware he had a lot to offer, however growing up in challenging settings, he was saddled with questions of whether or not he would be able to “Deliver” on the promises he made to himself, to succeed. (TJ was his own support system at young age) But such worries were soon put to rest.

At a mere nineteen years of age, he embraced the creative talents by becoming a self-taught Barber, TJ attended Beauty School then became a Credited and Featured Hair Stylist. Shortly after turning 22 in 1995, TJ received his first agent and wasted no time in becoming a Celebrity Hair Stylist & Male Groomer. Three years later in 1998, equipped with nothing short of an incredible drive and a fierce determination to be the Best Artist he could be. TJ attended the famed Sunset-Gower/Beauty Makeup Academy located in Hollywood, California. There he became a Certified TV, Commercial, & Film Makeup Artist by the age of 25. The young artist quickly became known as the “Triple Threat” around Tinsel Town.

After working as a Credited MUA in the glowing lights of Hollywood’s Entertainment Industry, TJ decided to broaden his horizons and travel. So in 2000, he chose to pack up and move to the city that never sleeps, New York, NY. There TJ successfully becomes a MAC Cosmetics Makeup Artist @ the Famous MACY’S Herald Square in Manhattan, by the following year.

In 2001, young Romeland was drawn back to the West Coast, once again attracted by the undeniable allure of Hollywood’s Film & TV Industries. The allure, that was fueled by the success of TJ’s makeup skills in the Popular Cult Cheerleader Film, “BRING IT ON” that was shot in LaJolla, Calif. (circa 1999).

Upon returning to Los Angeles, TJ began working in Commercial Production 2002-2004. Teaming with Stiefel & Company and Radical Media Productions on many National Commercials headed by Directing Team, Andrew Becker & Gabi Simson-Frank.

By 2005, TJ was hired as a Makeup Artist & Hair Stylist by Top News Magazine Show, ACCESS HOLLYWOOD (05’-07’). After eleven years in Hollywood, TJ became an IATSE Local-706/Union Member & Network TV/Makeup Artist in 2006.

While also freelancing with ABC & NBC, TJ starting working with PieTown Productions on a few of their HGTV shows namely “Design on a Dime” & “My House is Worth, What?” w/Kendra Todd (Season-3/The Apprentice Winner)

During his years as a Makeup Artist, Hair Stylist & Male Groomer, TJ has had the pleasure of working with Noted Celebrities, such as: Sir. Richard Branson (Virgin Owner) Kelly Ripa, Spike Lee, Stevie Wonder, Tony Bennett, Tyra Banks and many more.

TJ’s also worked many Major Award Shows & Red Carpets including: The Golden Globes, The Grammys, and The Oscars. As well as working with Major Networks & Studios, including: Disney, MTV, and NBC/Universal.

The mastery of his craft “Soft Beauty” is what keeps this young veteran striving to be one of the Beauty & Entertainment Industries, Best and Finest.

“Helping people feel and become more confident about their appearances is a major reason why I LOVE, what I do. Whether I am working with Models, Celebrities, Brides, or any of my male Clientele, providing my clients with the certainty that they look their best, it’s my highest priority. Being a Multi-Faceted Artist, allows me to do that for them.” -TJR

With his creative vision and professionalism, he understands that his talents and abilities are meant to be shared, for the betterment of others and their appearances. As the industry consistently changes, TJ continues to set the standard for “Star Style & Soft Bridal Beauty”.

While on another stint in The BigApple, this time for 5 years (2010-2015) TJ kept expanding his brand and name, he also became a Member of L’Oreal/SoftSheen-Carson’s National “Style Squad” as Contracted Makeup Artist & Stylist Asst., that’s headed by Director of Education; Mezei Jefferson.

While being on the “Style Squad” TJ has been a part of “Au Natural’s” product Launch. He was also chosen to work with Magic Shave’s Brand Ambassador: Actor, Lance Gross on the Launch of their Newly Formulated “No Razor” Shave Cream, by way of Facebook Connect Internet Marketing Video campaign (which TJ was featured in). He also, worked 2013 NYFW w/Parisian Designer, Elie Kuame and in 2014 NYFW w/British Designer, Chantell Walters.

Working hard branding himself in New York, the driven Artist was featured on TLC Network’s HIT, “SayYES to the Dress/The BIG Day” twice. First, in early 2013, then 2014.

After being seen on those show’s, TJ was also booked as Makeup Artist & Hair Stylist with TLC’s New Show “Curvy Brides”, in addition to being chosen & booking for a New TLC Bridal Reality Pilot that was “Green Lit” to become an actual show, set to Launch/Air sometime Summer 2015.

Also while on the east coast, TJ worked in Miami, So. Florida. Where he freelanced w/Premier Beauty Brands CHANEL and NARS Cosmetics, in addition to working with Agency Represented Models in Fashion Shows and Shoots. He also shot a Reality Show Pilot “Blown Away” with Show Creator/Producer; Russell LaFrieniere during the Fall of 2014.

TJ was asked back to New York City, Winter2014 to work the TLC Network again, this time as Key Makeup & Hair alone, for their new bridal show #BridesGoneStyled, also freelancing with Complex Media, Yahoo News (and other Magazines under their brand).

Then late 2015, TJ relocated back to Hollywood, CA. Doing what he loves and is best at, working with a range of Celebrities, making whoever he works with look their best in front of the camera.

In 2016, TJ worked with TLC again, this time shooting their Special: Say Yes To The Prom with Laura Marano in Miami, Florida., He completed working on Google’s first Web Series #GodComplx for YouTube, working steadily with Actors: Malcolm-Jamal Warner, Tory Kittles, and Trevor Jackson on their respected gigs & appearances, TJ was personally requested to work on a LEXUS “Man and Machine” Commercial for 2017 SUPER BOWL w/ his long time client Lil’ Buck..

2017 is off to a great start, with just wrapping up a Nike/AirMax 2017 Commercial, along with shooting a SPOTIFY/Complex Media Produced-Video Series soon to be released.

TJ has other current projects he’s affiliated with slated 2017 release, Stay Tuned…

Has it been a smooth road? My God, NO it hasn’t always been a smooth road (there’s no such thing, as a Smooth Road in Hollywood). I realize my walk has been very different and more challenging from most that just stick to 1 thing. And once they become great at that one thing, most ride that 1 thing, out.

That isn’t my story, I knew early on that my interests were never Singular. I’m actually extremely proud of all that I’ve accomplished starting out a self-taught Barber, then becoming Trained Hairstylist and lastly becoming a Certified Makeup Artist, all by the age of 25.

Many of the challenges I faced was nonstop having to prove myself and that I’m, first capable of doing 3 different professions, but also could I do them well and fast. Honestly, that’s proved stressful many times and in many ways.

But I never gave up!… I began to master my confidence, my skills, my timing and proficiency to do what was needed and what I was being hired for. (to this day I STILL find excitement and joy in it.)

Early on, I realized that there are so many degrees of Artistry in Entertainment. I had to find my own lane and discover what MY purposes were in this Exciting and Scary Universe which is “The Entertainment Business”

Yes, I found myself admiring others Careers & Career Moves. But I clearly knew that I could not mimic others “Walks” or “Paths” I had to create my own. Which I did, proudly.

Getting into my Union (IATSE Local 706) was an 11year struggle for me, it was not easy by any respects… Even after getting into this Illustrious Union, there’s even more struggles progressing in it, to this day. (All Truth!!)

But, this is the “Big Leagues” and if it were easy, everyone would be in it and that’s just not how it works in Hollywood… HOLLYWOOD/SHOW BUSINESS isn’t for the timid… It is Very Much a BUSINESS folks…

So let’s switch gears a bit and go into the TJ Romeland story a little more. TJ Romeland is the epitome of Season Artist.

He specializes in, Men’s Grooming, Hair Styling and Soft Beauty Makeup Services, primarily in Entertainment.

TJ is known for being “The Image Guy” in Hollywood, New York & Miami, respectfully. His abilities as a multi-faceted Artist allows him to shift his skill set at a moment’s notice. He enjoys being capable of enhancing anyone appearances in all forms of media, wherever a production takes him. He has his sights on a few overseas markets next.

What TJ is most proud of, is in his 20th Year as a Professional Artist (2015) when he lived in New York, after being featured twice on a popular Bridal cable show on (TLC’s “Say Yes To The Dress”) The Networks Producers chose TJ to shoot a pilot, which ultimately became the 1st Season of “Brides Gone Styled”..

On that show, TJ was a 1-Man Beauty Team for the Show’s Hosts & the 8-Bridal Transformations, doing both Makeup and Hair Styling, at the same time. Being handpicked for this gig, brought everything full circle for the Artist…

What sets TJ Romeland apart from others, is his diverse past and immense experiences (in TV, Film, Commercial, Print, Red Carpets, Internet Marketing, Fashion & PR), his 3-Part Professions, his undeniable passion, and lastly his drive to consistently stay relevant in Media, Today.

How do you think the industry will change over the next decade? In the next 5-10 years, I see Entertainment going into more personalized content and choices, with all forms of Media shifting more and more to social platforms, it just screams GROWTH. That also means more work for more talented creatives in the world. That seriously excites me, because I love being a part of most creative processes or mediums.

[inkundu1]

The stages of grief when you mourn the loss of your Filipinx culture

The stages of grief when you mourn the loss of your Filipinx culture

October is Filipinx American History Month.

I am a Filipina American and came to the United States when I was seven years old. Since then, I've tried to assimilate into white American culture, forgotten how to speak my native language of Tagalog, and haven't learned anything about my history.

I didn't grow up around other Filipinos, but even if I did, they probably would have also been trying to “fit in” to this mold: lose the accent; don't eat white rice and chicken adobo during school lunch. We were only taught the sunny side of white American history. World history, diverse stories, and indigenous voices were practically nonexistent in the schools I attended.

But the most heartbreaking thing is that I didn't even see this as a loss-and neither did the people around me.

It took almost 30 years of living in the U.S. for me to realize that I needed to mourn.

The loss hit me not too long ago-right after I visited the Philippines for the first time since I was 7 years old. There was a world I left behind 28 years ago that I didn't even know I missed. Suddenly, I had grief to overcome. I had to go back and forth through its stages, whether I was prepared or not.

Maika Llaneza

First, I was in denial.

I denied that missing out on Filipinx literature was a problem. After all, I've already listed hundred of “read” books on Goodreads. And I read so many diverse books. I was in junior high when I first found Maya Angelou's I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings in the very back corner of the public library, tucked away on a featured shelf for Black History Month. And since that day, I've been hooked on Black literature. Alice Walker, Langston Hughes, Malcolm X, Ralph Ellison, Toni Morrison-but mind you, none of these were assigned school readings. I've always actively searched for diverse books on my own-yet I had no interest in looking for books written by Filipinos. And I thought that was okay.

Then I became angry.

I thought back to my childhood. Why didn't any of my teachers share any books by Black authors? Why didn't my classmates and I learn even a tidbit of information about the Philippines from our teachers? Why did my parents move us here? Why don't white people value diverse voices enough to include us? When I discussed these feelings with a white colleague, he actually said, “Well that's because there are hardly any of you in the U.S. Most of us are white, so of course most of our books are going to be by whites.” I wanted to yell. “Majority white so everyone gets white?!” How could he dismiss us entirely? There are literally millions of us. I was so livid, but I honestly couldn't put the words together. All I wanted was for him to see the value in diverse authors, but I was too mad to communicate it to him.

View this post on Instagram

It's the last #filipinofridaysarelit , for which I've reserved a post about two Filipina authors I adored as a young reader. . . . . When my mother and I were living in a van, and when my family was cleaning houses on Long Island, and we had nothing, I had Jessica Hagedorn's books. Her novels were the first that I read that had characters who experienced transcontinental life like I did. Her books show social stratification based on social circles that my family bounced in and out of, and immigrant life as lived and understood by a young girl. When Trevor Noah was asked how he decided on becoming a comedian, he said that his father made a joke in the middle of a protest once, a joke that made everyone, including the opposition, laugh. He thought, “I want to do that when I grow up.” I had the same experience reading Hagedorn's books in the 90s. I remember dog-earing pages and underlining sentences, and thinking, “I want to do that.” . . . . Then there's the beautiful, kind, intelligent, fierce, I'll-take-you-in-with-open-arms @mevelinagalang . I read her stories as a college student in New York, so imagine how I felt meeting her (and @apostol2408 ) at AWP two years ago. Evelina was on a panel about, I think, world themes in literature, but I can't be sure now because I was CRYING so hard in the back, overwhelmed by her proximity. When the panel ended, I wiped off my snot, huffed, puffed, said every prayer I knew, and worked up the courage to walk up to her and shake her hand. Man, when it was my turn to say hello, I forgot all my English and Tagalog, and I must've said something like “Hi um your books me read umm writer me too” or something unintelligible and stupid like that. And you know what she did??? She smiled and asked to take me to LUNCH. Lunch is sacred to Filipinos, if you didn't know that. I had LUNCH with Evelina Galang, and a year later, I would study under her and her colleagues at @vonacommunity at the University of Pennsylvania. And that summer would solidify my allegiance to the literary arts and to the empowerment of people of color through the written word. #filipinoamericanhistorymonth #faihm #philippines #filipinx #filipinxlit #filipina

A post shared by Cinelle Barnes (@cinellebarnesbooks) on Oct 26, 2018 at 5:54am PDT

Next came depression.

A few weeks ago, I posted on social media to ask my followers the most current literature they've read by POC. The responses were basically, “White is a color too…here are 10 more white authors for you. You're welcome.”

I cried and cried for days. For some reason, I expected a list of comments about wonderful POC authors I'd never heard of. I was excited to see a few comments like “Oh, I just read Jhumpa Lahiri.” Or, “Have you heard of Rupi Kaur?” But instead, my white friends wanted more validation, and to feel included in the phrase POC. I took it as another rejection from my white counterparts. Not only were they going to ignore my question about multicultural books, but they were going to take my identity, change it, and use it to benefit themselves. I was no longer angry; I sulked, I couldn't move, I was so unmotivated, and I wanted to give up.

A few days later, I did some bargaining.

Okay, I told myself, I'm going to deactivate Facebook for a little bit and go on Twitter. I'll only follow strangers who fight for social justice and inclusion. I'll try not to read the comments in their threads because every progressive tweet comes with trolls and naysayers. I will stop reading the news and only talk to people about the weather. I figured that if I just avoided any type of real discourse, then maybe the pain would go away.

Turns out it doesn't quite work like that. Ignoring the pain doesn't make it stop.

Nowadays, I'm working on acceptance.

I've been thinking about how this is what has happened in my life, and I can't change it. I can only move forward. I must move forward, and I will desperately try to “catch up.”

That has looked like immersing myself in YouTube videos about the Philippines, watching Philippine news in Tagalog, practicing my Tagalog on WeChat, bugging my family for stories about or past, Googling Filipinx American organizations, e-mailing other Filipinx American academics, reading Philippine history books, looking for Filipinx American authors, and writing about my Filipina American experience. I've started asking my family that still lives in the Philippines for recommendations of books written in Tagalog.

I even changed my Master's of Arts thesis to include mythological folklore of the Philippines. The work is limited and I've had to do some digging, but that's okay. I know it is part of my healing process.

Ernesto Cimatu Jr / EyeEm / Getty Images

As I've started moving forward from this loss, I've began growing as a person. I started enjoying the journey to discover myself. I learned that lack of exposure to the work of marginalized people prevents us from growing as individuals.

We don't learn about ourselves and other people to the point that we hurt each other. To the point that we don't even find the absence of our voices to be a loss.

I don't solely place the blame on literary agents, publishers, teachers, professors, librarians, mentors, public school administrations, the media, or myself. It's such a pervasive, deep issue throughout our entire society. But we do become responsible for our own actions once we are aware of this injustice.

Luckily, it wasn't too late before I realized how disconnected I'd become from my culture, and I still have time to do the work. Now I can join forces with others who are changing the narrative, creating new ones, and multiplying, sharing, and spreading it. We will help Filipinx American youth know their heritage, know their parents' and ancestors' language, know their history, and ultimately know themselves.

The post The stages of grief when you mourn the loss of your Filipinx culture appeared first on HelloGiggles.

[cowgirluli-blog]

The stages of grief when you mourn the loss of your Filipinx culture

The stages of grief when you mourn the loss of your Filipinx culture

October is Filipinx American History Month.

I am a Filipina American and came to the United States when I was seven years old. Since then, I've tried to assimilate into white American culture, forgotten how to speak my native language of Tagalog, and haven't learned anything about my history.

I didn't grow up around other Filipinos, but even if I did, they probably would have also been trying to “fit in” to this mold: lose the accent; don't eat white rice and chicken adobo during school lunch. We were only taught the sunny side of white American history. World history, diverse stories, and indigenous voices were practically nonexistent in the schools I attended.

But the most heartbreaking thing is that I didn't even see this as a loss-and neither did the people around me.

It took almost 30 years of living in the U.S. for me to realize that I needed to mourn.

The loss hit me not too long ago-right after I visited the Philippines for the first time since I was 7 years old. There was a world I left behind 28 years ago that I didn't even know I missed. Suddenly, I had grief to overcome. I had to go back and forth through its stages, whether I was prepared or not.

Maika Llaneza

First, I was in denial.

I denied that missing out on Filipinx literature was a problem. After all, I've already listed hundred of “read” books on Goodreads. And I read so many diverse books. I was in junior high when I first found Maya Angelou's I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings in the very back corner of the public library, tucked away on a featured shelf for Black History Month. And since that day, I've been hooked on Black literature. Alice Walker, Langston Hughes, Malcolm X, Ralph Ellison, Toni Morrison-but mind you, none of these were assigned school readings. I've always actively searched for diverse books on my own-yet I had no interest in looking for books written by Filipinos. And I thought that was okay.

Then I became angry.

I thought back to my childhood. Why didn't any of my teachers share any books by Black authors? Why didn't my classmates and I learn even a tidbit of information about the Philippines from our teachers? Why did my parents move us here? Why don't white people value diverse voices enough to include us? When I discussed these feelings with a white colleague, he actually said, “Well that's because there are hardly any of you in the U.S. Most of us are white, so of course most of our books are going to be by whites.” I wanted to yell. “Majority white so everyone gets white?!” How could he dismiss us entirely? There are literally millions of us. I was so livid, but I honestly couldn't put the words together. All I wanted was for him to see the value in diverse authors, but I was too mad to communicate it to him.

View this post on Instagram

It's the last #filipinofridaysarelit , for which I've reserved a post about two Filipina authors I adored as a young reader. . . . . When my mother and I were living in a van, and when my family was cleaning houses on Long Island, and we had nothing, I had Jessica Hagedorn's books. Her novels were the first that I read that had characters who experienced transcontinental life like I did. Her books show social stratification based on social circles that my family bounced in and out of, and immigrant life as lived and understood by a young girl. When Trevor Noah was asked how he decided on becoming a comedian, he said that his father made a joke in the middle of a protest once, a joke that made everyone, including the opposition, laugh. He thought, “I want to do that when I grow up.” I had the same experience reading Hagedorn's books in the 90s. I remember dog-earing pages and underlining sentences, and thinking, “I want to do that.” . . . . Then there's the beautiful, kind, intelligent, fierce, I'll-take-you-in-with-open-arms @mevelinagalang . I read her stories as a college student in New York, so imagine how I felt meeting her (and @apostol2408 ) at AWP two years ago. Evelina was on a panel about, I think, world themes in literature, but I can't be sure now because I was CRYING so hard in the back, overwhelmed by her proximity. When the panel ended, I wiped off my snot, huffed, puffed, said every prayer I knew, and worked up the courage to walk up to her and shake her hand. Man, when it was my turn to say hello, I forgot all my English and Tagalog, and I must've said something like “Hi um your books me read umm writer me too” or something unintelligible and stupid like that. And you know what she did??? She smiled and asked to take me to LUNCH. Lunch is sacred to Filipinos, if you didn't know that. I had LUNCH with Evelina Galang, and a year later, I would study under her and her colleagues at @vonacommunity at the University of Pennsylvania. And that summer would solidify my allegiance to the literary arts and to the empowerment of people of color through the written word. #filipinoamericanhistorymonth #faihm #philippines #filipinx #filipinxlit #filipina

A post shared by Cinelle Barnes (@cinellebarnesbooks) on Oct 26, 2018 at 5:54am PDT

Next came depression.

A few weeks ago, I posted on social media to ask my followers the most current literature they've read by POC. The responses were basically, “White is a color too…here are 10 more white authors for you. You're welcome.”

I cried and cried for days. For some reason, I expected a list of comments about wonderful POC authors I'd never heard of. I was excited to see a few comments like “Oh, I just read Jhumpa Lahiri.” Or, “Have you heard of Rupi Kaur?” But instead, my white friends wanted more validation, and to feel included in the phrase POC. I took it as another rejection from my white counterparts. Not only were they going to ignore my question about multicultural books, but they were going to take my identity, change it, and use it to benefit themselves. I was no longer angry; I sulked, I couldn't move, I was so unmotivated, and I wanted to give up.

A few days later, I did some bargaining.

Okay, I told myself, I'm going to deactivate Facebook for a little bit and go on Twitter. I'll only follow strangers who fight for social justice and inclusion. I'll try not to read the comments in their threads because every progressive tweet comes with trolls and naysayers. I will stop reading the news and only talk to people about the weather. I figured that if I just avoided any type of real discourse, then maybe the pain would go away.

Turns out it doesn't quite work like that. Ignoring the pain doesn't make it stop.

Nowadays, I'm working on acceptance.

I've been thinking about how this is what has happened in my life, and I can't change it. I can only move forward. I must move forward, and I will desperately try to “catch up.”

That has looked like immersing myself in YouTube videos about the Philippines, watching Philippine news in Tagalog, practicing my Tagalog on WeChat, bugging my family for stories about or past, Googling Filipinx American organizations, e-mailing other Filipinx American academics, reading Philippine history books, looking for Filipinx American authors, and writing about my Filipina American experience. I've started asking my family that still lives in the Philippines for recommendations of books written in Tagalog.

I even changed my Master's of Arts thesis to include mythological folklore of the Philippines. The work is limited and I've had to do some digging, but that's okay. I know it is part of my healing process.

Ernesto Cimatu Jr / EyeEm / Getty Images

As I've started moving forward from this loss, I've began growing as a person. I started enjoying the journey to discover myself. I learned that lack of exposure to the work of marginalized people prevents us from growing as individuals.

We don't learn about ourselves and other people to the point that we hurt each other. To the point that we don't even find the absence of our voices to be a loss.

I don't solely place the blame on literary agents, publishers, teachers, professors, librarians, mentors, public school administrations, the media, or myself. It's such a pervasive, deep issue throughout our entire society. But we do become responsible for our own actions once we are aware of this injustice.

Luckily, it wasn't too late before I realized how disconnected I'd become from my culture, and I still have time to do the work. Now I can join forces with others who are changing the narrative, creating new ones, and multiplying, sharing, and spreading it. We will help Filipinx American youth know their heritage, know their parents' and ancestors' language, know their history, and ultimately know themselves.

The post The stages of grief when you mourn the loss of your Filipinx culture appeared first on HelloGiggles.

[ungracefulswan-blog]

The stages of grief when you mourn the loss of your Filipinx culture

The stages of grief when you mourn the loss of your Filipinx culture

October is Filipinx American History Month.

I am a Filipina American and came to the United States when I was seven years old. Since then, I've tried to assimilate into white American culture, forgotten how to speak my native language of Tagalog, and haven't learned anything about my history.

I didn't grow up around other Filipinos, but even if I did, they probably would have also been trying to “fit in” to this mold: lose the accent; don't eat white rice and chicken adobo during school lunch. We were only taught the sunny side of white American history. World history, diverse stories, and indigenous voices were practically nonexistent in the schools I attended.

But the most heartbreaking thing is that I didn't even see this as a loss-and neither did the people around me.

It took almost 30 years of living in the U.S. for me to realize that I needed to mourn.

The loss hit me not too long ago-right after I visited the Philippines for the first time since I was 7 years old. There was a world I left behind 28 years ago that I didn't even know I missed. Suddenly, I had grief to overcome. I had to go back and forth through its stages, whether I was prepared or not.

Maika Llaneza

First, I was in denial.

I denied that missing out on Filipinx literature was a problem. After all, I've already listed hundred of “read” books on Goodreads. And I read so many diverse books. I was in junior high when I first found Maya Angelou's I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings in the very back corner of the public library, tucked away on a featured shelf for Black History Month. And since that day, I've been hooked on Black literature. Alice Walker, Langston Hughes, Malcolm X, Ralph Ellison, Toni Morrison-but mind you, none of these were assigned school readings. I've always actively searched for diverse books on my own-yet I had no interest in looking for books written by Filipinos. And I thought that was okay.

Then I became angry.

I thought back to my childhood. Why didn't any of my teachers share any books by Black authors? Why didn't my classmates and I learn even a tidbit of information about the Philippines from our teachers? Why did my parents move us here? Why don't white people value diverse voices enough to include us? When I discussed these feelings with a white colleague, he actually said, “Well that's because there are hardly any of you in the U.S. Most of us are white, so of course most of our books are going to be by whites.” I wanted to yell. “Majority white so everyone gets white?!” How could he dismiss us entirely? There are literally millions of us. I was so livid, but I honestly couldn't put the words together. All I wanted was for him to see the value in diverse authors, but I was too mad to communicate it to him.

View this post on Instagram

It's the last #filipinofridaysarelit , for which I've reserved a post about two Filipina authors I adored as a young reader. . . . . When my mother and I were living in a van, and when my family was cleaning houses on Long Island, and we had nothing, I had Jessica Hagedorn's books. Her novels were the first that I read that had characters who experienced transcontinental life like I did. Her books show social stratification based on social circles that my family bounced in and out of, and immigrant life as lived and understood by a young girl. When Trevor Noah was asked how he decided on becoming a comedian, he said that his father made a joke in the middle of a protest once, a joke that made everyone, including the opposition, laugh. He thought, “I want to do that when I grow up.” I had the same experience reading Hagedorn's books in the 90s. I remember dog-earing pages and underlining sentences, and thinking, “I want to do that.” . . . . Then there's the beautiful, kind, intelligent, fierce, I'll-take-you-in-with-open-arms @mevelinagalang . I read her stories as a college student in New York, so imagine how I felt meeting her (and @apostol2408 ) at AWP two years ago. Evelina was on a panel about, I think, world themes in literature, but I can't be sure now because I was CRYING so hard in the back, overwhelmed by her proximity. When the panel ended, I wiped off my snot, huffed, puffed, said every prayer I knew, and worked up the courage to walk up to her and shake her hand. Man, when it was my turn to say hello, I forgot all my English and Tagalog, and I must've said something like “Hi um your books me read umm writer me too” or something unintelligible and stupid like that. And you know what she did??? She smiled and asked to take me to LUNCH. Lunch is sacred to Filipinos, if you didn't know that. I had LUNCH with Evelina Galang, and a year later, I would study under her and her colleagues at @vonacommunity at the University of Pennsylvania. And that summer would solidify my allegiance to the literary arts and to the empowerment of people of color through the written word. #filipinoamericanhistorymonth #faihm #philippines #filipinx #filipinxlit #filipina

A post shared by Cinelle Barnes (@cinellebarnesbooks) on Oct 26, 2018 at 5:54am PDT

Next came depression.

A few weeks ago, I posted on social media to ask my followers the most current literature they've read by POC. The responses were basically, “White is a color too…here are 10 more white authors for you. You're welcome.”

I cried and cried for days. For some reason, I expected a list of comments about wonderful POC authors I'd never heard of. I was excited to see a few comments like “Oh, I just read Jhumpa Lahiri.” Or, “Have you heard of Rupi Kaur?” But instead, my white friends wanted more validation, and to feel included in the phrase POC. I took it as another rejection from my white counterparts. Not only were they going to ignore my question about multicultural books, but they were going to take my identity, change it, and use it to benefit themselves. I was no longer angry; I sulked, I couldn't move, I was so unmotivated, and I wanted to give up.

A few days later, I did some bargaining.

Okay, I told myself, I'm going to deactivate Facebook for a little bit and go on Twitter. I'll only follow strangers who fight for social justice and inclusion. I'll try not to read the comments in their threads because every progressive tweet comes with trolls and naysayers. I will stop reading the news and only talk to people about the weather. I figured that if I just avoided any type of real discourse, then maybe the pain would go away.

Turns out it doesn't quite work like that. Ignoring the pain doesn't make it stop.

Nowadays, I'm working on acceptance.

I've been thinking about how this is what has happened in my life, and I can't change it. I can only move forward. I must move forward, and I will desperately try to “catch up.”

That has looked like immersing myself in YouTube videos about the Philippines, watching Philippine news in Tagalog, practicing my Tagalog on WeChat, bugging my family for stories about or past, Googling Filipinx American organizations, e-mailing other Filipinx American academics, reading Philippine history books, looking for Filipinx American authors, and writing about my Filipina American experience. I've started asking my family that still lives in the Philippines for recommendations of books written in Tagalog.

I even changed my Master's of Arts thesis to include mythological folklore of the Philippines. The work is limited and I've had to do some digging, but that's okay. I know it is part of my healing process.

Ernesto Cimatu Jr / EyeEm / Getty Images

As I've started moving forward from this loss, I've began growing as a person. I started enjoying the journey to discover myself. I learned that lack of exposure to the work of marginalized people prevents us from growing as individuals.

We don't learn about ourselves and other people to the point that we hurt each other. To the point that we don't even find the absence of our voices to be a loss.

I don't solely place the blame on literary agents, publishers, teachers, professors, librarians, mentors, public school administrations, the media, or myself. It's such a pervasive, deep issue throughout our entire society. But we do become responsible for our own actions once we are aware of this injustice.

Luckily, it wasn't too late before I realized how disconnected I'd become from my culture, and I still have time to do the work. Now I can join forces with others who are changing the narrative, creating new ones, and multiplying, sharing, and spreading it. We will help Filipinx American youth know their heritage, know their parents' and ancestors' language, know their history, and ultimately know themselves.

The post The stages of grief when you mourn the loss of your Filipinx culture appeared first on HelloGiggles.

[gayyogurt-blog]

The stages of grief when you mourn the loss of your Filipinx culture

The stages of grief when you mourn the loss of your Filipinx culture

October is Filipinx American History Month.

I am a Filipina American and came to the United States when I was seven years old. Since then, I've tried to assimilate into white American culture, forgotten how to speak my native language of Tagalog, and haven't learned anything about my history.

I didn't grow up around other Filipinos, but even if I did, they probably would have also been trying to “fit in” to this mold: lose the accent; don't eat white rice and chicken adobo during school lunch. We were only taught the sunny side of white American history. World history, diverse stories, and indigenous voices were practically nonexistent in the schools I attended.

But the most heartbreaking thing is that I didn't even see this as a loss-and neither did the people around me.

It took almost 30 years of living in the U.S. for me to realize that I needed to mourn.

The loss hit me not too long ago-right after I visited the Philippines for the first time since I was 7 years old. There was a world I left behind 28 years ago that I didn't even know I missed. Suddenly, I had grief to overcome. I had to go back and forth through its stages, whether I was prepared or not.

Maika Llaneza

First, I was in denial.

I denied that missing out on Filipinx literature was a problem. After all, I've already listed hundred of “read” books on Goodreads. And I read so many diverse books. I was in junior high when I first found Maya Angelou's I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings in the very back corner of the public library, tucked away on a featured shelf for Black History Month. And since that day, I've been hooked on Black literature. Alice Walker, Langston Hughes, Malcolm X, Ralph Ellison, Toni Morrison-but mind you, none of these were assigned school readings. I've always actively searched for diverse books on my own-yet I had no interest in looking for books written by Filipinos. And I thought that was okay.

Then I became angry.

I thought back to my childhood. Why didn't any of my teachers share any books by Black authors? Why didn't my classmates and I learn even a tidbit of information about the Philippines from our teachers? Why did my parents move us here? Why don't white people value diverse voices enough to include us? When I discussed these feelings with a white colleague, he actually said, “Well that's because there are hardly any of you in the U.S. Most of us are white, so of course most of our books are going to be by whites.” I wanted to yell. “Majority white so everyone gets white?!” How could he dismiss us entirely? There are literally millions of us. I was so livid, but I honestly couldn't put the words together. All I wanted was for him to see the value in diverse authors, but I was too mad to communicate it to him.

View this post on Instagram

It's the last #filipinofridaysarelit , for which I've reserved a post about two Filipina authors I adored as a young reader. . . . . When my mother and I were living in a van, and when my family was cleaning houses on Long Island, and we had nothing, I had Jessica Hagedorn's books. Her novels were the first that I read that had characters who experienced transcontinental life like I did. Her books show social stratification based on social circles that my family bounced in and out of, and immigrant life as lived and understood by a young girl. When Trevor Noah was asked how he decided on becoming a comedian, he said that his father made a joke in the middle of a protest once, a joke that made everyone, including the opposition, laugh. He thought, “I want to do that when I grow up.” I had the same experience reading Hagedorn's books in the 90s. I remember dog-earing pages and underlining sentences, and thinking, “I want to do that.” . . . . Then there's the beautiful, kind, intelligent, fierce, I'll-take-you-in-with-open-arms @mevelinagalang . I read her stories as a college student in New York, so imagine how I felt meeting her (and @apostol2408 ) at AWP two years ago. Evelina was on a panel about, I think, world themes in literature, but I can't be sure now because I was CRYING so hard in the back, overwhelmed by her proximity. When the panel ended, I wiped off my snot, huffed, puffed, said every prayer I knew, and worked up the courage to walk up to her and shake her hand. Man, when it was my turn to say hello, I forgot all my English and Tagalog, and I must've said something like “Hi um your books me read umm writer me too” or something unintelligible and stupid like that. And you know what she did??? She smiled and asked to take me to LUNCH. Lunch is sacred to Filipinos, if you didn't know that. I had LUNCH with Evelina Galang, and a year later, I would study under her and her colleagues at @vonacommunity at the University of Pennsylvania. And that summer would solidify my allegiance to the literary arts and to the empowerment of people of color through the written word. #filipinoamericanhistorymonth #faihm #philippines #filipinx #filipinxlit #filipina

A post shared by Cinelle Barnes (@cinellebarnesbooks) on Oct 26, 2018 at 5:54am PDT

Next came depression.

A few weeks ago, I posted on social media to ask my followers the most current literature they've read by POC. The responses were basically, “White is a color too…here are 10 more white authors for you. You're welcome.”

I cried and cried for days. For some reason, I expected a list of comments about wonderful POC authors I'd never heard of. I was excited to see a few comments like “Oh, I just read Jhumpa Lahiri.” Or, “Have you heard of Rupi Kaur?” But instead, my white friends wanted more validation, and to feel included in the phrase POC. I took it as another rejection from my white counterparts. Not only were they going to ignore my question about multicultural books, but they were going to take my identity, change it, and use it to benefit themselves. I was no longer angry; I sulked, I couldn't move, I was so unmotivated, and I wanted to give up.

A few days later, I did some bargaining.

Okay, I told myself, I'm going to deactivate Facebook for a little bit and go on Twitter. I'll only follow strangers who fight for social justice and inclusion. I'll try not to read the comments in their threads because every progressive tweet comes with trolls and naysayers. I will stop reading the news and only talk to people about the weather. I figured that if I just avoided any type of real discourse, then maybe the pain would go away.

Turns out it doesn't quite work like that. Ignoring the pain doesn't make it stop.

Nowadays, I'm working on acceptance.

I've been thinking about how this is what has happened in my life, and I can't change it. I can only move forward. I must move forward, and I will desperately try to “catch up.”

That has looked like immersing myself in YouTube videos about the Philippines, watching Philippine news in Tagalog, practicing my Tagalog on WeChat, bugging my family for stories about or past, Googling Filipinx American organizations, e-mailing other Filipinx American academics, reading Philippine history books, looking for Filipinx American authors, and writing about my Filipina American experience. I've started asking my family that still lives in the Philippines for recommendations of books written in Tagalog.

I even changed my Master's of Arts thesis to include mythological folklore of the Philippines. The work is limited and I've had to do some digging, but that's okay. I know it is part of my healing process.

Ernesto Cimatu Jr / EyeEm / Getty Images

As I've started moving forward from this loss, I've began growing as a person. I started enjoying the journey to discover myself. I learned that lack of exposure to the work of marginalized people prevents us from growing as individuals.

We don't learn about ourselves and other people to the point that we hurt each other. To the point that we don't even find the absence of our voices to be a loss.

I don't solely place the blame on literary agents, publishers, teachers, professors, librarians, mentors, public school administrations, the media, or myself. It's such a pervasive, deep issue throughout our entire society. But we do become responsible for our own actions once we are aware of this injustice.

Luckily, it wasn't too late before I realized how disconnected I'd become from my culture, and I still have time to do the work. Now I can join forces with others who are changing the narrative, creating new ones, and multiplying, sharing, and spreading it. We will help Filipinx American youth know their heritage, know their parents' and ancestors' language, know their history, and ultimately know themselves.

The post The stages of grief when you mourn the loss of your Filipinx culture appeared first on HelloGiggles.

[typhoonprecious-blog]

The stages of grief when you mourn the loss of your Filipinx culture

The stages of grief when you mourn the loss of your Filipinx culture

October is Filipinx American History Month.

I am a Filipina American and came to the United States when I was seven years old. Since then, I've tried to assimilate into white American culture, forgotten how to speak my native language of Tagalog, and haven't learned anything about my history.

I didn't grow up around other Filipinos, but even if I did, they probably would have also been trying to “fit in” to this mold: lose the accent; don't eat white rice and chicken adobo during school lunch. We were only taught the sunny side of white American history. World history, diverse stories, and indigenous voices were practically nonexistent in the schools I attended.

But the most heartbreaking thing is that I didn't even see this as a loss-and neither did the people around me.

It took almost 30 years of living in the U.S. for me to realize that I needed to mourn.

The loss hit me not too long ago-right after I visited the Philippines for the first time since I was 7 years old. There was a world I left behind 28 years ago that I didn't even know I missed. Suddenly, I had grief to overcome. I had to go back and forth through its stages, whether I was prepared or not.

Maika Llaneza

First, I was in denial.

I denied that missing out on Filipinx literature was a problem. After all, I've already listed hundred of “read” books on Goodreads. And I read so many diverse books. I was in junior high when I first found Maya Angelou's I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings in the very back corner of the public library, tucked away on a featured shelf for Black History Month. And since that day, I've been hooked on Black literature. Alice Walker, Langston Hughes, Malcolm X, Ralph Ellison, Toni Morrison-but mind you, none of these were assigned school readings. I've always actively searched for diverse books on my own-yet I had no interest in looking for books written by Filipinos. And I thought that was okay.

Then I became angry.

I thought back to my childhood. Why didn't any of my teachers share any books by Black authors? Why didn't my classmates and I learn even a tidbit of information about the Philippines from our teachers? Why did my parents move us here? Why don't white people value diverse voices enough to include us? When I discussed these feelings with a white colleague, he actually said, “Well that's because there are hardly any of you in the U.S. Most of us are white, so of course most of our books are going to be by whites.” I wanted to yell. “Majority white so everyone gets white?!” How could he dismiss us entirely? There are literally millions of us. I was so livid, but I honestly couldn't put the words together. All I wanted was for him to see the value in diverse authors, but I was too mad to communicate it to him.

View this post on Instagram

It's the last #filipinofridaysarelit , for which I've reserved a post about two Filipina authors I adored as a young reader. . . . . When my mother and I were living in a van, and when my family was cleaning houses on Long Island, and we had nothing, I had Jessica Hagedorn's books. Her novels were the first that I read that had characters who experienced transcontinental life like I did. Her books show social stratification based on social circles that my family bounced in and out of, and immigrant life as lived and understood by a young girl. When Trevor Noah was asked how he decided on becoming a comedian, he said that his father made a joke in the middle of a protest once, a joke that made everyone, including the opposition, laugh. He thought, “I want to do that when I grow up.” I had the same experience reading Hagedorn's books in the 90s. I remember dog-earing pages and underlining sentences, and thinking, “I want to do that.” . . . . Then there's the beautiful, kind, intelligent, fierce, I'll-take-you-in-with-open-arms @mevelinagalang . I read her stories as a college student in New York, so imagine how I felt meeting her (and @apostol2408 ) at AWP two years ago. Evelina was on a panel about, I think, world themes in literature, but I can't be sure now because I was CRYING so hard in the back, overwhelmed by her proximity. When the panel ended, I wiped off my snot, huffed, puffed, said every prayer I knew, and worked up the courage to walk up to her and shake her hand. Man, when it was my turn to say hello, I forgot all my English and Tagalog, and I must've said something like “Hi um your books me read umm writer me too” or something unintelligible and stupid like that. And you know what she did??? She smiled and asked to take me to LUNCH. Lunch is sacred to Filipinos, if you didn't know that. I had LUNCH with Evelina Galang, and a year later, I would study under her and her colleagues at @vonacommunity at the University of Pennsylvania. And that summer would solidify my allegiance to the literary arts and to the empowerment of people of color through the written word. #filipinoamericanhistorymonth #faihm #philippines #filipinx #filipinxlit #filipina

A post shared by Cinelle Barnes (@cinellebarnesbooks) on Oct 26, 2018 at 5:54am PDT

Next came depression.

A few weeks ago, I posted on social media to ask my followers the most current literature they've read by POC. The responses were basically, “White is a color too…here are 10 more white authors for you. You're welcome.”

I cried and cried for days. For some reason, I expected a list of comments about wonderful POC authors I'd never heard of. I was excited to see a few comments like “Oh, I just read Jhumpa Lahiri.” Or, “Have you heard of Rupi Kaur?” But instead, my white friends wanted more validation, and to feel included in the phrase POC. I took it as another rejection from my white counterparts. Not only were they going to ignore my question about multicultural books, but they were going to take my identity, change it, and use it to benefit themselves. I was no longer angry; I sulked, I couldn't move, I was so unmotivated, and I wanted to give up.

A few days later, I did some bargaining.

Okay, I told myself, I'm going to deactivate Facebook for a little bit and go on Twitter. I'll only follow strangers who fight for social justice and inclusion. I'll try not to read the comments in their threads because every progressive tweet comes with trolls and naysayers. I will stop reading the news and only talk to people about the weather. I figured that if I just avoided any type of real discourse, then maybe the pain would go away.

Turns out it doesn't quite work like that. Ignoring the pain doesn't make it stop.

Nowadays, I'm working on acceptance.

I've been thinking about how this is what has happened in my life, and I can't change it. I can only move forward. I must move forward, and I will desperately try to “catch up.”

That has looked like immersing myself in YouTube videos about the Philippines, watching Philippine news in Tagalog, practicing my Tagalog on WeChat, bugging my family for stories about or past, Googling Filipinx American organizations, e-mailing other Filipinx American academics, reading Philippine history books, looking for Filipinx American authors, and writing about my Filipina American experience. I've started asking my family that still lives in the Philippines for recommendations of books written in Tagalog.

I even changed my Master's of Arts thesis to include mythological folklore of the Philippines. The work is limited and I've had to do some digging, but that's okay. I know it is part of my healing process.

Ernesto Cimatu Jr / EyeEm / Getty Images

As I've started moving forward from this loss, I've began growing as a person. I started enjoying the journey to discover myself. I learned that lack of exposure to the work of marginalized people prevents us from growing as individuals.

We don't learn about ourselves and other people to the point that we hurt each other. To the point that we don't even find the absence of our voices to be a loss.

I don't solely place the blame on literary agents, publishers, teachers, professors, librarians, mentors, public school administrations, the media, or myself. It's such a pervasive, deep issue throughout our entire society. But we do become responsible for our own actions once we are aware of this injustice.

Luckily, it wasn't too late before I realized how disconnected I'd become from my culture, and I still have time to do the work. Now I can join forces with others who are changing the narrative, creating new ones, and multiplying, sharing, and spreading it. We will help Filipinx American youth know their heritage, know their parents' and ancestors' language, know their history, and ultimately know themselves.

The post The stages of grief when you mourn the loss of your Filipinx culture appeared first on HelloGiggles.

[fuckyeahslightlyamusing-blog]

The stages of grief when you mourn the loss of your Filipinx culture

The stages of grief when you mourn the loss of your Filipinx culture

October is Filipinx American History Month.

I am a Filipina American and came to the United States when I was seven years old. Since then, I've tried to assimilate into white American culture, forgotten how to speak my native language of Tagalog, and haven't learned anything about my history.

I didn't grow up around other Filipinos, but even if I did, they probably would have also been trying to “fit in” to this mold: lose the accent; don't eat white rice and chicken adobo during school lunch. We were only taught the sunny side of white American history. World history, diverse stories, and indigenous voices were practically nonexistent in the schools I attended.

But the most heartbreaking thing is that I didn't even see this as a loss-and neither did the people around me.

It took almost 30 years of living in the U.S. for me to realize that I needed to mourn.

The loss hit me not too long ago-right after I visited the Philippines for the first time since I was 7 years old. There was a world I left behind 28 years ago that I didn't even know I missed. Suddenly, I had grief to overcome. I had to go back and forth through its stages, whether I was prepared or not.

Maika Llaneza

First, I was in denial.

I denied that missing out on Filipinx literature was a problem. After all, I've already listed hundred of “read” books on Goodreads. And I read so many diverse books. I was in junior high when I first found Maya Angelou's I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings in the very back corner of the public library, tucked away on a featured shelf for Black History Month. And since that day, I've been hooked on Black literature. Alice Walker, Langston Hughes, Malcolm X, Ralph Ellison, Toni Morrison-but mind you, none of these were assigned school readings. I've always actively searched for diverse books on my own-yet I had no interest in looking for books written by Filipinos. And I thought that was okay.

Then I became angry.

I thought back to my childhood. Why didn't any of my teachers share any books by Black authors? Why didn't my classmates and I learn even a tidbit of information about the Philippines from our teachers? Why did my parents move us here? Why don't white people value diverse voices enough to include us? When I discussed these feelings with a white colleague, he actually said, “Well that's because there are hardly any of you in the U.S. Most of us are white, so of course most of our books are going to be by whites.” I wanted to yell. “Majority white so everyone gets white?!” How could he dismiss us entirely? There are literally millions of us. I was so livid, but I honestly couldn't put the words together. All I wanted was for him to see the value in diverse authors, but I was too mad to communicate it to him.

View this post on Instagram

It's the last #filipinofridaysarelit , for which I've reserved a post about two Filipina authors I adored as a young reader. . . . . When my mother and I were living in a van, and when my family was cleaning houses on Long Island, and we had nothing, I had Jessica Hagedorn's books. Her novels were the first that I read that had characters who experienced transcontinental life like I did. Her books show social stratification based on social circles that my family bounced in and out of, and immigrant life as lived and understood by a young girl. When Trevor Noah was asked how he decided on becoming a comedian, he said that his father made a joke in the middle of a protest once, a joke that made everyone, including the opposition, laugh. He thought, “I want to do that when I grow up.” I had the same experience reading Hagedorn's books in the 90s. I remember dog-earing pages and underlining sentences, and thinking, “I want to do that.” . . . . Then there's the beautiful, kind, intelligent, fierce, I'll-take-you-in-with-open-arms @mevelinagalang . I read her stories as a college student in New York, so imagine how I felt meeting her (and @apostol2408 ) at AWP two years ago. Evelina was on a panel about, I think, world themes in literature, but I can't be sure now because I was CRYING so hard in the back, overwhelmed by her proximity. When the panel ended, I wiped off my snot, huffed, puffed, said every prayer I knew, and worked up the courage to walk up to her and shake her hand. Man, when it was my turn to say hello, I forgot all my English and Tagalog, and I must've said something like “Hi um your books me read umm writer me too” or something unintelligible and stupid like that. And you know what she did??? She smiled and asked to take me to LUNCH. Lunch is sacred to Filipinos, if you didn't know that. I had LUNCH with Evelina Galang, and a year later, I would study under her and her colleagues at @vonacommunity at the University of Pennsylvania. And that summer would solidify my allegiance to the literary arts and to the empowerment of people of color through the written word. #filipinoamericanhistorymonth #faihm #philippines #filipinx #filipinxlit #filipina

A post shared by Cinelle Barnes (@cinellebarnesbooks) on Oct 26, 2018 at 5:54am PDT

Next came depression.

A few weeks ago, I posted on social media to ask my followers the most current literature they've read by POC. The responses were basically, “White is a color too…here are 10 more white authors for you. You're welcome.”

I cried and cried for days. For some reason, I expected a list of comments about wonderful POC authors I'd never heard of. I was excited to see a few comments like “Oh, I just read Jhumpa Lahiri.” Or, “Have you heard of Rupi Kaur?” But instead, my white friends wanted more validation, and to feel included in the phrase POC. I took it as another rejection from my white counterparts. Not only were they going to ignore my question about multicultural books, but they were going to take my identity, change it, and use it to benefit themselves. I was no longer angry; I sulked, I couldn't move, I was so unmotivated, and I wanted to give up.

A few days later, I did some bargaining.

Okay, I told myself, I'm going to deactivate Facebook for a little bit and go on Twitter. I'll only follow strangers who fight for social justice and inclusion. I'll try not to read the comments in their threads because every progressive tweet comes with trolls and naysayers. I will stop reading the news and only talk to people about the weather. I figured that if I just avoided any type of real discourse, then maybe the pain would go away.

Turns out it doesn't quite work like that. Ignoring the pain doesn't make it stop.

Nowadays, I'm working on acceptance.

I've been thinking about how this is what has happened in my life, and I can't change it. I can only move forward. I must move forward, and I will desperately try to “catch up.”

That has looked like immersing myself in YouTube videos about the Philippines, watching Philippine news in Tagalog, practicing my Tagalog on WeChat, bugging my family for stories about or past, Googling Filipinx American organizations, e-mailing other Filipinx American academics, reading Philippine history books, looking for Filipinx American authors, and writing about my Filipina American experience. I've started asking my family that still lives in the Philippines for recommendations of books written in Tagalog.

I even changed my Master's of Arts thesis to include mythological folklore of the Philippines. The work is limited and I've had to do some digging, but that's okay. I know it is part of my healing process.

Ernesto Cimatu Jr / EyeEm / Getty Images

As I've started moving forward from this loss, I've began growing as a person. I started enjoying the journey to discover myself. I learned that lack of exposure to the work of marginalized people prevents us from growing as individuals.

We don't learn about ourselves and other people to the point that we hurt each other. To the point that we don't even find the absence of our voices to be a loss.

I don't solely place the blame on literary agents, publishers, teachers, professors, librarians, mentors, public school administrations, the media, or myself. It's such a pervasive, deep issue throughout our entire society. But we do become responsible for our own actions once we are aware of this injustice.

Luckily, it wasn't too late before I realized how disconnected I'd become from my culture, and I still have time to do the work. Now I can join forces with others who are changing the narrative, creating new ones, and multiplying, sharing, and spreading it. We will help Filipinx American youth know their heritage, know their parents' and ancestors' language, know their history, and ultimately know themselves.

The post The stages of grief when you mourn the loss of your Filipinx culture appeared first on HelloGiggles.