#and making non-smiley people BEAM?! bliss

[mozerellaracoon]

My kink is making the moodiest, broodiest, roughest men smile those big smiles where even their eyes twinkle

[heyyyharry]

My Girl Series: Chapter 15 - My Girl

…in which Harry and Y/N go back to where it all began. {end of book 1}

Series description: Y/N falls in love with the older boy next door who doesn’t feel the same, years later they meet again at a funeral.

AU: actor!harry, older!harry, younger!y/n; (4-year age gap)

Chapter 14: Home Truth - Y/N discovers a family secret, and Harry is in despair.

Book 2: Masterlist - Thursday, May 16 // First preview - Thursday, May 23 // First chapter - Friday, May 24 (WATTPAD) and Saturday, May 25 (TUMBLR) // 12pm GMT.

Warning: nothing but angst and plenty of mistakes because I didn’t proofread.

A/N: listen to this while reading. And let’s see if you can find all the parallels between this chapter and the first one. ;)

OC version

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Ten years ago, in the town of Holmes Chapel, a little girl started her first journal entry with a story for her class assignment. She defined true happiness as the older boy next door who owned her heart. Her parents' marriage had proven that true love didn't exist, yet Harry showed up and all her walls came tumbling down.

Every day before bed, Y/N would write about him in her pink notebook, about the possibility of an unknown future where they lived happily ever after. She was so young. And everything was easy, until it was not.

He was hers, until he wasn't.

One night she went straight to bed without writing about him. There was nothing to write about the person you were no longer friends with.

She'd been losing sleep, asking herself why Harry never came back to their treehouse, why he didn't say hello when he walked right past her with his friends, how he could just stop knowing her. She kept wondering, yet she waited, and waited, and waited.

She waited, until he left her.

For two years since he was gone, she'd been expecting a call, a letter, anything that let her know for him she still existed. But every day came a new disappointment as she checked her mailbox to find nothing from him.

Eventually, Y/N took her mother's advice to write to Harry first. She began with a draft in her pink notebook, putting her heart and soul into every single word on the paper. But once she'd finished it, her fear of never getting a response overpowered her need to reach out for him. So she kept it to herself and decided to write even more letters that she would never send; just to get the overwhelming sadness out of her system, and for her to miss him a bit less every day.

Now 24-year-old Harry was alone in his bedroom, too focused on those words to even notice the sun was rising. With tears running down his face, he imagined her reading everything to him.

Dear Harry, she would begin in each letter before telling him about her day, her silly thoughts, her plan for the future, how much she'd missed him, and asking him questions like 'are you coming back?' and 'do you think about me sometimes?' All of those things made his heart wrench in a way that healed him and tore him up at the same time.

The bone-deep fear grew much larger now that he'd reached Y/N's last entry written the night before her first time on a date. The love she had for Blake was proof that she had moved on from Harry once and would do it again if she wanted to. So apparently, Harry had less time on his hand than he thought. It was in that moment of dismal stillness that all the voices in his head started screaming at each other. What should he do now? One wrong move would inevitably lead to major consequences. But if he didn't make a move, he'd have zero chance of winning her back.

As his ringtone pierced through the silence like a cannonball, Harry's eyes sparkled with hope. He had prayed that it was her until seeing the name Niall on the screen made him gutted. Harry held the phone at his ear, falling down onto his back and darting his tiring eyes to the ceiling.

"Harold," his best friend spoke first. "Do you know the brand of that camera Isey's been using lately?"

Harry sighed at the question, laying an arm on his forehead. "I don't know, mate. Why don't you ask him?"

"I did text him but he hasn't replied. Thanks anyway, I'll wait until he comes back from Holmes Chapel."

The town name caused Harry's eyes to shoot open as he sat straight up on the bed, eyebrows drew together. "Why's he in Holmes Chapel?"

"Yesterday he came to visit Smiley, I mean Bambi, then decided to stay for her father's wedding. But...which one of you is dating Y/N? Are you back with Ruby now, because—"

"Sorry mate, I'm—I'm gonna have to call you back," Harry interjected those endless inquiries before hanging up on Niall without further explanation. There was not enough time to raise questions of his own about why Isaac didn't tell him anything and went to see Y/N alone. He didn't even feel betrayed, he just felt scared as he grabbed his car key and bolted towards the door. He couldn't lose her now, not again, not this way.

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"This is it," Y/N mumbled to herself as she walked through the door. The air was sweet and the sky was clear, a perfect day for a wedding.

There was nothing outside but sunshine, yet just to step into it made her heart thump in her chest. Something about seeing her garden for the first time in years away from home was so strange. Maybe it was the giggles of children, or the screaming of their parents who warned them about spoiling their outfits, or loud conversations of overly excited relatives who only showed up when there was a wedding or a funeral.

The white decorations went a bit over the top for a wedding that was supposed to be small. Knowing Marcy, Y/N wasn't surprised. She thought it was smart to be extravagant on the white and having pastel as the dress code, now the scene really did look like a beautiful mosaic.

But it wasn't just the wedding that had changed her backyard entirely. It was also the fact that Marcy had turned this spot into the dream garden Tam had always wanted, with all types of flowers Y/N could name or even more. The grass was always green and fresh as her stepmother made sure that it was watered and trimmed regularly. The sprinklers would come up in the early morning to wake up the flower kingdom that used to only exist on the other side of the fence. Apparently, Bradford wasn't the only one well-taken care of since Marcy came around.

Y/N went to find Isaac, trying to avoid the cousins she disliked, the aunties who always pinched her cheeks, and those uncles who always asked whom she was dating. And even though she wasn't actually thinking about him, like a habit she still darted her eyes to the tree standing tall in the backyard next door.

There it was, her childhood fort made of wood — the only thing that stayed the same in this town despite how many years had passed. It stood there, tall and proud, unbothered by the changes in weather and time, surviving through all the storms. If only people were the same, Y/N thought to herself. Sadly, the human heart was a delicate little thing. It had to change in order to adapt, otherwise, it wouldn't stay alive.

"Hey."

The voice caused her head to spin. Instantly, Y/N put on a smile when she saw Isaac, who was wearing her father's pastel blue shirt in order to match the theme.

"Wow, you look..." The man was speechless for two seconds as he saw her in the dress Marcy had picked out. He tried to look for a better word, but he couldn't come up with anything else so he settled with "...beautiful."

Y/N giggled as she shook her head, standing with her hands behind her back and trying to hide her rosy cheeks from his charmingly timid blue eyes.

"Thank you," she said. "You look beautiful yourself."

"To be honest, I think I'm way too underdressed," he replied, opening his arms to look at the shirt that seemed too oversized for him. The way he lifted an eyebrow questioningly at himself made her giggle. When he finally looked up and flashed her a grin, they shared the kind of glance that sent both into silence for a long moment.

"We should go find our seats," she blurted, turning away to leave yet he stopped her just in time.

"Hold on." Isaac took her wrist, taking a step forward to close the distance between them. Before Y/N could ask, he carefully tucked the wavy strand behind her ear since it kept falling out of her bun, no matter how many times she'd tried to brush it back into place. As his eyes twinkled with another smile, Y/N was certain she had never seen a blue so warm.

"Pastel pink suits you very well," he said in an undertone, his fingers which had previously wrapped around her wrist were now intertwined with hers.

"T-Thanks," Y/N muttered shyly as she followed him, they were the last ones to find their seats so the wedding ceremony could begin.

Even though Y/N's idea of love had changed constantly throughout the years, her adoration for weddings never had. To her, a wedding was like a temporary happy ending. No matter what had happened before or might happen after, in this moment, there was nothing but bliss. This was the closest reality could ever get to fiction, and for someone who'd been writing fictional love stories her entire life, it was good to live through a moment like this once in a while.

All the guests rose up when Marcy's favorite song 'Yellow' began to play. Most eyes were on the beautiful bride as she marched down the aisle, holding her father's hand and a bouquet of daisies that Y/N had helped her arrange last night. Meanwhile, the twenty-year-old kept her eyes on her father, who had already burst into happy tears. Seeing him cry was all it took for Y/N to start sobbing as well.

"Dumbass Marcy picked the worst day to wear non-waterproof makeup." Her lips twitched in amusement as her father kept wiping off his bride's running mascara every five seconds.

"She looks good though," said Isaac, who couldn't stop beaming now.

Y/N nodded to agree. She could never deny the fact that Marcy was naturally pretty and was always the center of attention. But today she looked radiantly gorgeous, probably because happiness was the most authentic real-life filter. Y/N was content, knowing a woman could only look that happy when she was madly in love.

Bradford had gone through so much, starting from his wife's betrayal and tragic death, to rumors about him being unfaithful and a cold-hearted liar, to his daughter's hatred for she had loved her mother too much to understand. After everything, this was the ending he deserved. And Y/N was very proud of him.

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"Y/N! It's happening!"

Y/N widened her eyes as her overexcited best friend grabbed her by the arms and pushed her against the lockers. They had caught the attention from a few other kids in the hallway, however, Celine was too thrilled to even care.

"Blake Roman is gonna ask you out!"

"Blake and I are only study buddies." Y/N snorted. Holding her books to her chest, she told the shorter girl, "I know he doesn't like me, at least...not that way."

"But he does! He told Flynn who told Marcus who told Amala who told me that he was gonna ask you out today! God, I'm so happy for you!" Celine squealed, shaking Y/N violently before pulling her into a suffocating hug. The tiny girl expected her friend to jump or even scream, yet her actual reaction was much disappointing.

"I really like Blake, but..."

"No, but! But isn't good!" Celine rebuked Y/N's thought before she could even finish it. Straightening her arms, the smaller one pulled away, seemingly so upset. "You like Blake, Y/N. Just stop there, alright?"

"Blake and I are so different. Besides, have you seen the girls he used to date?"

"You're not turning him down because you're insecure, are you?!"

"I'm not!" She was. "Boys like Blake..." Or boys in general. "They're gonna leave you eventually."

Celine's hardened expression was exactly in the card, but the words that came out from her mouth was definitely unexpected.

"It's still about Harry, right?"

The tone of the question made it seem more like a statement. Following her instinct, the first thing Y/N did was counter the remark, yet deep within she was still second-guessing what her true answer might be.

"Not everything I do is about Harry."

Celine couldn't look less dubious. At a time like this, she would normally start ranting about why Harry wasn't worth it, but she knew Y/N would shut her ears to such opinions as always. Of course, she couldn't understand the kind of love her best friend had for a boy who'd been gone for two years. Therefore, she hated how Y/N refused to acknowledge the fact that Harry might not return.

"Please go out with Blake," Celine said, taking a deep breath. "Don't put your entire life on hold just because you're missing someone."

And just like that, she walked off, knowing her words would stay behind as they were already engraved in Y/N's brain.

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"Harry, where the hell are you?!"

"Jeff, I—"

"What's wrong with you?! The whole team is waiting!"

Honestly, Harry didn't know what was wrong with him, like when he skipped the BAFTAs, when he canceled his schedule at the last minute to take Y/N back to Holmes Chapel. And now he was returning to that old town for it might be his last chance to win her back. The reason that he'd put his career and reputation at risk, the only person who mattered above all, was the one he'd let down.

"I'll explain to you later, I promise. I'm so sorry," he told his manager and didn't even let the man speak as he hung up the call to keep on driving. He knew he might not make it back before the wedding was over. He could only hope that she would wait. She'd waited for him her whole life, yet a couple minutes more seemed so expensive.

As he drove, the only thing playing in his head were the words she'd written in her journal, which he'd left behind when he was in a rush. Still, he remembered everything and now those words wouldn't leave him alone.

'Dear Harry,

This might be the last letter I'm writing to you. I'm going on a date tomorrow, a real date, can you believe it?

Blake finally asked me out. This would be my first date ever and I'm sweating just from thinking about it. If you were here I know you would give me a ton of advice, something like 'don't let him touch you where you don't wanna be touched', and I would roll my eyes and tell you you're overreacting. Fortunately you're not here. But don't worry, we won't go that far. I really like Blake, and you might like him too once you see how sweet he is to me.

As I said in one of my letters, when there comes a guy I really like, I will stop writing to you and let you go. I feel like this is it. This is the one...'

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Since her family didn't usually have guests, Y/N was pretty surprised when she got home to find her mother talking to their neighbor in the kitchen. The last time she spoke to Anne was the day Harry left, after that she had no more reasons to spend time with his family to get updated on how they'd been. Now that Anne was here, she was hoping to get some news about Harry.

Of course, Tam had no idea that her sixteen-year-old daughter was standing right outside and listening to this conversation. If she had known, she wouldn't have said what she was about to say.

"You must be so proud. If I were you I would tell the whole town that my son just signed a big movie contract, and his girlfriend is a model."

"I'm about to go knock on every door," Anne replied as they both shared a good laugh.

Meanwhile, heartbroken Y/N flopped down on the bottom stair with her hands on her chest. She couldn't make a sound or else they would know she was there, but she was too hurt to even move. When the front door opened, she almost didn't notice, until her dad appeared and paused as he saw his teenage daughter sitting right there.

At first, he couldn't understand why she seemed so sad, until he heard Anne laughing in the kitchen. He took a guess that his daughter had sat there long enough to hear something about Harry which she didn't want to hear. The look on her face had said it all.

He parted his lips, yet no sound escaped. He was never good at talking about feelings and giving advice on growing up and falling in love for the first time. That was why he'd left it all to Tam to be the consultant in the house. However, seeing Y/N like this made him wish he had tried to be her friend. Now he'd missed another chance to get to know her as she was quick to run upstairs without saying another word.

Y/N locked herself in her room and sat with her back against the door, holding both knees to her chest. The moment she spotted the pink notebook lying on her bed, Celine's words came to life once again. She'd been putting her life on hold for him, while his life still moved on as the earth kept spinning round. He'd got a movie contract and was dating a model. Here she was, saying no to every chance of happiness she could get, to keep her door wide open for someone she hadn't heard from for two years.

What was she doing?

The buzzing of the phone in Y/N's pocket made her flinch. She pulled it out, expecting it to be Celine but it was a different name that she saw.

⌲ Blake: Can I see you tonight? I have something important to say to you.

So it was true, Y/N thought to herself as she went over that question a couple times. Blake did want to ask her out. However, she wanted to say no. This relationship hadn't even started yet and she could already envision all the different scenarios of him leaving her.

Sighing, the girl typed down her answer, knowing it was for the best if she'd just turn him down and be alone. But when she was done and ready to press send, she hesitated. No. This wasn't the right way. Her life had to move on, she had to start somewhere.

After contemplating for a little bit more, she came to a decision to delete it all and type down something else.

⌲ Sure. Where do we meet?

It took less than two seconds for her phone to buzz again.

⌲ Blake: I'll come over at 8.

When Y/N read his reply, her heart came to a halt. She exhaled through her mouth, tossing her head back against the door to roll her eyes upward, staring at the ceiling. This could be the worst decision or the best one she'd made. She would never know if she didn't try.

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Y/N loved the view from her treehouse. When she was sitting up there, looking at the trees and the roofs and the field behind her yard, she felt like she was on top of the world. She remembered thinking that someday she would build her own house in a tree where she and Harry could live happily together with their little family.

But growing up was when you realized not everything was possible like it was in the mind of a child, that people didn't live on trees, that it wasn't always good to be alone all the time, and the boy you thought would be the love of your life couldn't be the love of your life forever.

As the wedding party went on, Y/N decided to find her escape on the treehouse. It was the first time she'd been up here since the night of her mother's funeral. She sat on the edge, watching the children chasing one another in her backyard and thinking about when she was their age. However, she wasn't depressed as she thought about the past anymore. After everything that had happened, her falling out with Harry, her finding the truth about her mother, she realized life was too short to hold onto grief. Everything you had today could disappear tomorrow. In order to enjoy life to the fullest, it was best to just treat memories as a place to visit once in a while, not a place to stay.

"Smiley!"

Isaac's voice pulled Y/N's attention away from her jungle of thoughts. She looked down right by the fence where he stood with a massive smile upon his face.

"What are you doing in your neighbor's treehouse?"

"This is my treehouse actually."

The way she scrunched up her nose made him laugh. Though Isaac was a bit confused by that answer, he simply shrugged it off and asked, "can I join you up there?"

"Sure. The ladder is over there."

When Y/N said it, she temporarily forgot the promise she'd made to Harry when she was fourteen. As soon as it came to her mind, Isaac was already on his way up. But then she thought to herself, maybe even if Harry had been there, he wouldn't have cared. She'd never let anyone else enter their treehouse, not even Blake, because she used to take that promise so seriously, thinking this place must've meant the whole world to him. Now she didn't really know if it still meant anything to him.

"Be careful!"

"Don't underestimate m—Shit!"

Isaac nearly missed his last step on the rope ladder, and the look of relief on his face when she reached for his arms made her laugh so hard.

Once again, she had someone else by her side as they sat on the edge of the treehouse with their feet dangling in the air, feeling the breezes blowing through their hair. She felt his eyes on her as she watched her father and Marcy laughing with the wedding guests.

"Bored of the party?" He asked in an attempt to gain back her attention.

"Not a family gathering kind of gal, you know what I'm sayin'?" Her fake American accent as she did a peace sign got Isaac chuckling and rolling his eyes playfully. He looked around after she'd gone back to silence. There were so many questions he wanted to ask, beginning with the reason why she'd told him this treehouse belonged to her. But it wasn't necessary anymore now that he'd just seen ‘Y/N ❤ Harry’ carved on the floor.

"So...this is Harry's..."

Y/N seemed a bit puzzled by what he said, until she also spotted the words that she didn't even remember were there.

"He let me have this place when he left so it's mine now." She laughed slightly, but Isaac knew she found no humor in those words. Taking a deep breath, she added, "in the language of angsty teens, this was where I came to cry."

Her joke made both of them chuckle.

"This used to be my favorite place in the world," she said in a hushed toned after the laughter had died down. "Harry...used to be my favorite person in the world."

This was the first time she'd ever admitted her feelings for Harry to Isaac. The last and only time she spoke about Harry to him was on their first unofficial date, otherwise, Isaac would've misunderstood the nature of their so-called 'friendship'. Now she felt like Isaac deserved to know more.

"Two of my hardest goodbyes happened here," she went on, lowering her voice and her smile was no longer there. "The first one was Harry, the second was my first boyfriend Blake. Both left me to follow their bigger dreams, but for me at the time, they were everything I'd ever wanted."

She paused for a long time, yet Isaac didn't try to throw in a comment. He was just waiting for her to go on. So she did.

"I wanted to be somebody's first choice so bad that I forgot to make myself my first choice. Now I know that everyone is allowed to leave, and the only person I can control is myself."

"Right." Isaac agreed, nodding his head. "So if we cannot love ourselves, then when people leave us, we've got nothing left."

"Right," she repeated his word while holding his gaze.

He could soothe her like no one else, it was impossible to stay anxious or upset with Isaac around. That was why she must tell him what had been bothering her since yesterday, knowing he was too good of a person to say anything first.

"I shouldn't have dragged you into my mess," she spoke, giving him a dreary smile. "I've caused you so much trouble already, and I've never done anything good for you. I'm the worst friend ever."

"You didn't drag me into anything." His voice right now was as soft as the look in his eyes. "I walked straight into the trouble, because it's yours...and when it comes to you, I don't mind."

When he reached out and placed his hand on her neck, her entire body tensed up. He thought she might withdraw from his touch, but instead, she stayed still, eventually relaxing her muscles as their eyes met once again.

"If you think you're supposed to do something for me, don't." He shook his head, his eyebrows pulled together. Y/N had never seen Isaac upset or worried and this was the closest he'd ever got to being sad. She couldn't help but blame herself for doing this to him.

"I don't...I don't deserve you..." she faltered.

As much as she wanted to give him the chance that he wanted, she knew her brain had built new walls after what had happened with Harry. It would take time to tear them down brick by brick and it would be cruel to ask him to wait for her to pick herself up and start again. One thing that she'd learned from her own experience was, no one besides yourself was worth the wait.

"Who are we to decide who's good for us and who's not?" he told her, lifting his other hand to cup her face as well. A small lock tumbled in front of her face, resting just in front of her cheek, but with one swift slide of his thumb, it was brushed out of the way. He looked so nice like this, especially in the natural lighting when the color of his eyes matched the ineffably blue and distant sky above their heads. She was now reminded how much she'd loved that color since the first time they met, the color of hope.

"Look," he began again as she didn't say anything. "I'm not gonna pressure you into doing anything you're not comfortable with. I know you need time to figure things out, but I'm not going anywhere. You can take your time, and just...just let me look out for you like this. That's all I ask."

Y/N remained silent, this time she nodded her head. The frown on his face was soon washed off by a hopeful grin as their eyes locked.

"Thank you," she faintly mumbled before her lips alighted on his cheek, as soft as a feather.

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"Harry Styles?!"

Harry had spent most of his energy and patience driving as fast as he could from London back to Holmes Chapel. The last thing he wanted when he arrived was for any of the wedding guests to recognize him. He almost turned down the request to take a photo with the woman, but she was quick to grab him by the arm before he made it to the door leading to the backyard.

"Do you remember me?" She asked, sounding thrilled to bits. Now that Harry had got a good look at her face, he finally realized who she was.

"Aunt Lynn?" His eyes widened in shock. Lynn was much skinnier than the twenty-year-old she used to be, and her hair wasn't purple anymore so Harry had a hard time trying to recognize her. The only thing that hadn't changed was the way she chewed her gum while speaking. Though Y/N used to go on and on about how annoying it was, Harry hadn't got a chance to talk to the woman long enough to notice, until now.

"Baby Harry Styles?!" She gasped, reaching up to pinch his cheeks. "Oh my god, I remember when you were a little boy and now you're much taller than me."

"That's...great...But I really need to go." He grabbed her shoulders, pushing her away politely. "Have you seen Y/N?"

"I didn't know you two were still hanging out now that you're famous."

Harry rolled his eyes, ignoring the unnecessary remark. "But have you seen her?"

"She was with another handsome boy," Lynn said, bringing the champagne glass to her red lips to take a sip. "Man, I remember when I was her age. She's so me."

"Thank you," Harry spoke fast as he slightly pushed her aside so he could stride towards the door. This time it was her laugh that stopped him halfway.

"What?" He lifted an eyebrow in confusion as the woman shook her head, a huge questionable smirk appeared on her face.

"This is the first time I've seen you chase after little Y/N and not the other way around.”

She might've said it as a joke, but there was something about those words that did him damage as he turned away. He stepped into her backyard, scanning his anxious green eyes around to search for a figure of the girl he loved. He was too lost in his own head to acknowledge how much this place had changed, or the curious stares people were giving him for some could recognize who he was.

'I'll always love you most of all. You'll always be number one, no matter where you are, or if we'll ever meet again.'

He looked so hopeless, wanting to call out her name but he didn't want to draw any more attention on him. He could feel anxiety and fears growing within him like an unstoppable snowball rolling down the hill. His heart started to beat harder and faster as his adrenaline levels rose. 

'I know this letter will never get to you, but it's doesn’t hurt to imagine, right? Maybe after reading this, you would realize that you love me and don't want me to be with another boy. So you would get into your car and drive from London back to Cheshire to tell me those three words in person.'

And then he finally saw her, in the only place she would go to when the crowd became overwhelming. For someone who could spend the whole night at some bar dancing away her sorrow, she strangely enjoyed being alone. But she wasn't alone. She was with Isaac. In the treehouse that was once her and Harry's. He could hear the sound of his heart cracking open as the pain that felt almost as if it was physical choked the breath out of his body.

'I'd be waiting by the treehouse so when you came, I would run into your arms...'

Everything once whole was now shattered. The sweat soaked through his shirt and the pressure within his chest made it feel like it was going to explode. Somehow he was still sane enough to notice she was wearing pink. He hadn't seen her in pink for so long, if only he could tell her how much she resembled the girl she was trying hard to get rid of. She looked good, happiness really made her shine. He wished he could read their lips to know what they were talking about. But if he could, would those words break him even more than the genuine smile on her face?

'...and just like in every romantic movie, we'd kiss and live happily ever after.'

He wasn't mad at her for breaking the promise she'd made when she was only a child. It was when she leaned in and kissed his best friend's cheek that he realized everything was over. The first and only time he'd chased after her, he ended up showing up too late. Harry knew there was more to that friendly kiss, for someone with trust issues and fear of attachment like her to get intimate, there was always a reason. She was willing to give Isaac and herself another chance, what she could've done a long time ago had he not been in the way.

'But life isn't a movie. Someday when if you realize that you love me, hopefully, I'll still be here waiting for you.’

Harry left her house with his head hung low. On the way back to his car, he thought about everything, about their first kiss, their last kiss, their first time, their last time, and all the other in-betweens that he didn't appreciate enough until they were gone. In his head, he replayed the same two words he had said to her many years ago, the ones he didn't think she would hold onto until long after he was gone, the ones that he wished were still true knowing they weren't anymore.

‘Your girl, always.’