#and making all these concessions so everyone can feel like safe

[parkinglothater]

feeling insane insane insane insane insane insane

[nana-au]

Best Friends Forever!

Suguru Geto ♡

MDNI

₊˚ପ⊹ Summary: You’re Suguru’s bff and roommate. You know him like the back of your hand – and he knows you the same, if not better! Some people may think you two are too close, but they just don’t understand. When you have a date planned and need help picking out your outfit, Suguru’s your guy! ...What’s this? He doesn’t want you to leave?

₊˚ପ⊹ Warnings: minor mention of blood, mention of pet death, possessiveness, jealousy, nipple play, thigh riding, fingering, making you beg, overstimulation, unprotected sex

₊˚ପ⊹ an: kicking and screaming and crying and throwing up and scratching my face I NEED HIM.

₊˚ପ⊹ wc: 2.8k

𓂃⊹ ִֶָ

BFF! Sugu who’s been by your side since before you can even remember! You grew up neighbors and when you both went off to college you got an apartment off campus together. It was only natural to be with Suguru. He was the only constant in your life – your anchor. 

BFF! Sugu who is so protective of you. How could he not? You two experienced life’s firsts together. You were there when Suguru took a nasty spill off his bike. His tears were hot down his face as you stayed by his side. You used the water bottle you kept on your own bike to flush the blood off his knee, giving it a quick peck. “My mom always says a kiss makes everything better. Do you feel better Sugu?” He nods his head, wiping the snot off of his face with his t-shirt. He was there when you lost your first pet and even though you were preteens and everyone made you feel dumb being sad over a goldfish - Geto made it a point to hold a funeral in his backyard. He dug a small grave for it - picking out the perfect rock for you to write its name on to place on top of its resting place. 

BFF! Sugu who makes sure you’re safe. He would never allow you to pump your own gas. He’s seen the type of guys who prowl around the gas station close to your home. He’ll make sure you get to sit pretty in the passenger seat while he fills up your car. Don’t worry about the price – he’ll take care of it. He always takes care of you. 

BFF! Sugu who knows everything about you. He knows all your favorites. Favorite color, favorite season, favorite food, favorite tv show… there was nothing that you liked that he was not aware of. He knows about things you wouldn’t be caught dead telling anyone else – trusting only your best friend. 

BFF! Sugu who is so so sooooo protective of you. Any guy he thought wasn’t the absolute best for you was quickly kicked to the curb. He’ll admit – sometimes the criteria was a little strict. The guy from your art class? His haircut was stupid. Shithead from your after school club? Believe him – he was a tool. Worst of all was the douche on your school’s baseball team. Suguru had quite the time getting you to see his point of view, but he didn’t dare say I told you so as you cried in his arms retelling the embarrassment of catching him cheating. 

BFF! Sugu who learns to relax in college. You were a woman now – you no longer needed his constant guidance. He would genuinely smile as you talked about all the friends you were making in your major. How funny your coworkers at the concession stand job you worked every football game were. The fact you had a date with a friend of a friend – your girl friend had vouched for him. He was a good guy. Geto was glad you had people looking out for you. He couldn’t wait to meet him. 

BFF! Sugu who helps you pick out the cute little outfits for your dates. You were so beautiful, that guy was truly lucky. But even his luck couldn’t match Suguru’s as you put on a little show for him – trying on every tantalizing option. 

BFF! Sugu who loved watching you dress up so much he bought you more. You didn’t even need a date to have a fashion show! He just loved seeing that color on you. Oh! – And don’t even get him started on the skimpy little dresses with the ruffles. They were made for you. He couldn’t decide whether your plump butt or your squishy boobs looked better hugged by the fabric. He had to use his large hand to hide the bite he gave to his bottom lip when your cute little panties peaked through the bottom of a particularly short one. “Maybe that one is good for around the house,” he proposed. 

BFF! Sugu who had to swallow his need when you begged him to rate your lingerie. “I didn’t realize you two were at that point in your relationship,” he would try to laugh off his distaste. 

“I’ve told him no to sex for so long, I’ve been thinking maybe it's time…” you trailed off. You played with the hem of your dress as you stood in front of Suguru on the couch. He was sunk comfortably into the loveseat, legs spread wide and one of his muscled arms stretching across the back of the couch. The other on the arm rest. “Ok princess. Let’s see the options,” he spoke.

BFF! Sugu who couldn’t make it through the first set. The white lace left little to the imagination, a black bow adorned above your cute mound. “You trying to make me sweat?” A dark chuckle broke through his lips. “Sorry?” you asked him, not hearing him correctly. How silly you were to think that just because he was a friend that made him any less of a man. A hot blooded man at that – with eyes that glued to your nipples visible through the thin fabric. “The dresses were one thing, princess, but this? Don’t play dumb,” his dark eyes were now impossibly black. You were staring into the voids that indiscreetly roamed your body. It was entirely silly of you to now try and hide yourself from his hungry gaze. 

BFF! Sugu who doesn’t let you leave. You were no match against his strong grip as he pulled you onto his lap. “You’re leavin’ me no choice,” he assured you, pushing you down hard against his thigh. You tried to push away but his hands on your waist locked you in. “No choice,” he reminded you. You swallowed thickly, realizing you were completely helpless as he began guiding your hips up and down his thigh. The rough material of your panties rubbing deliciously against your clit. “Sugu s-stop,” you begged him, all breathy and hot against his ear. “You want me to stop?” Of course! He was your best friend. You didn’t want him making you feel better than you ever thought possible by just rubbing your pussy against his leg. “But you look so cute like this,” he pouted at you, “Humping my thigh like a puppy. I’ll let go – but you better stop moving your hips,” he tutted at you. You didn’t have it in you to keep your eyes open to watch yourself continuously rut against him even after he removed his hands. It wasn’t your fault his muscled thigh felt more pleasurable than any toy you could ever buy. 

Geto had plenty of girls at your school talking about their experiences with him. You spent your entire teen years hearing about his ‘magical tongue’ and ‘horse dick’. For the majority of your life you had little interest in getting to experience that part of your best friend – that was until the bastard from the baseball team. The absolute snore fest he put on for your first time was jarring. Maybe you were so used to hearing how life-changing Suguru’s hips were that you had high expectations... 

No – you were not purposefully trying to get Geto to want you. He genuinely gave good advice when it came to what looked good on you. Ok so maybe you were pushing your luck with the lingerie – but Suguru was always so level-headed. It was scary how quickly he caved.

It was even more frightening listening to his taunts hot in your ear, “Why aren’t you stopping?” You couldn’t stop now – but you would. Just a little longer. You’d find the strength to stop soon. “Tell me you want me, or I’m stopping this,” he threatened and your form shook. “Please don’t,” you begged him. “Don’t what?” he lifted your chin, making you look at him “Don’t s-stop t-this,” you squeaked out.  

BFF! Sugu whose rumors were true. His tongue was magical. His hands flew down to your hips, helping you roll deliciously against the fabric of his sweats while his wet muscle was hot against your nipples. He used his teeth to pull down the fabric so he could taste your bare bud against his tongue. He suckled and licked your sensitive nipple causing your arousal to seep past the lace of your panties. You began to soak his sweatpants but he wasn’t gonna have you stopping anytime soon. He pulled your hips into tight circles against him, overwhelming your nub. His teeth nibbled at your nipple and you jerked up at the sudden shock. His grip was bruising and you wanted – no needed more. “Sugu.. more.. need more” you sounded so pathetic. 

BFF! Sugu who was left with little choice! His princess wanted more and more she was going to get. His head kissed your entrance, barely pushing in past the tip. You mewled, nails digging into his shoulders as he teased himself into you. “You think you can take me?” he asked you and you nodded fervently. He was thick and long – even his tip felt like he was tearing you in two. You wanted to be absolutely broken. “M-more Sugu,” you begged, trying to move your hips to sink down further. He kept you still – only allowing you to move if it was him dragging you down against him. Your slick was dripping down the rest of his cock, you were completely overwhelmed by the little attention he was giving you. One of his hands moved from your hips down to your clit, rubbing slow circles – barely ghosting above it. You were clenching on his fat tip and whining embarrassingly loud. He wanted to have you crying for his cock. He clicked his tongue at you, “I’m not convinced enough you want my cock.” He looked so unaffected as you shook, “I do! I need it, Sugu,” tears fell down your cheeks as you desperately tried to convince him.   

BFF! Sugu whose hips slapped against yours at a brutal pace. He had you pinned into the loveseat, head down and ass up. A creamy ring formed at the base of his unrelenting cock. Drool was seeping from your mouth and onto the couch, the only thing you could think about was the way he was pounding into that gummy spot that made you dizzy. “No one could make you feel this way,” he promised you, “this pussy was made for me.” His pace was bruising, his balls slapping against your clit. He pulled your hips up farther, making you arch your back. Everything was so noisy – the sound of you meeting his hips, the squelch of his cock pulling in and out, and his grunts each time he felt his tip kiss your cervix. Geto looooved watching you take him so well. Each time his cock disappeared inside of you, only to reappear as he roughly dragged out of you. He didn’t know if you were purposefully squeezing him each time his hips pulled back. Were you trying to keep him buried deep? “Your date won't mind if I leave my cum in you, right?” he teased you – knowing full well you wouldn’t be going anywhere after he was done with you. “Dripping out of your pussy at dinner,” you couldn’t fathom him being able to laugh right now. “What would you even tell him?” he was imagining the scene playing out in his mind, “My roommate thought I was looking a little empty. Needed to stuff me full,” His smile lazy thinking about how he was claiming you tonight. He was fucking your tight little hole deliciously, making sure you could never be satisfied by anything other than his cock. You pushed your hips into his, making sure he reached as deep as possible. “You want to cum, princess?” he picked up his pace – which you didn’t even think was possible – your tits bouncing at each thrust of his hips. You nodded, pleading for him to make you cum. “God – cum on my cock. Want t’feel you squeezin me,” the rough pad of his finger met your clit, helping your pleasure meet its peak. “I’m cumming, Sugu,” you cried out to your best friend. 

BFF! Sugu who wasn’t done with you once you came. You tried to claw at his hands on your hips, begging him to slow down. The tension in your tummy snapped, cumming undone loudly around him. He paid no mind to your pleas, “You can take more. You’re a good girl, I know you can.” He didn’t ever want to leave your snug pussy. He would fuck you all day if that’s what it took for him to feel satisfied. “Give me another, baby. Cum on my cock one more time. I know you can,” he was so filthy. You never had a guy dirty talk to you the way Geto was. He was demanding and unrelenting. It was alarming how much you enjoyed the filth leaving his lips. “How could you tell me to stop when she’s gripping me so tight – pussy doesn’t want to let go of me.” he threw his head back, “”S your fault I’m pounding you like this. I couldn't let you get away with showing me that little number.” The lingerie he was referring to was on the floor below you two, ripped into pieces from when he tore it off your body. He completely pulled out of you – leaving your pussy uncomfortably empty before flipping you over and folding you in half. He placed the back of your knees on his shoulder, wasting no time pushing himself back into you. The new angle took your breath away. His heavy frame held you down as his cock was unrelenting. When you looked down you could see his length slide in and out of you, your cute little pussy lips swallowing him whole. Your arousal coated his cock – all thick and creamy. You felt like you could pass out from the sight – not thinking it was possible to be so wet. His thumb reached down to your clit, rubbing harsh circles on it. “C’mon baby. I’m addicted to the way you squeeze my cock. Let me feel you cum again. Need it, princess,” he begged. He was slowly losing all control. You were so perfect underneath him, taking him like the good girl he always knew you were. You were wrecking him. Your sounds were so cute – choking back sobs as he fucked you to another peak. You were begging for him to cum inside you. You wanted to feel him coat your walls in his sticky juice. “Gonna pump you full,” he promised you. “Gonna feel so good stuffed full with my cum.”

BFF! Sugu who can’t stand watching his semen leak out of you. You were completely fucked out – chest heaving as you laid on the couch. Geto was still holding your legs up, trying fruitlessly to push his juices back inside of you. 

BFF! Sugu who needs to make sure you keep all of it. He didn’t even wait for you to regain your energy before his thick fingers are deep inside of you. “Can’t let a single drop go to waste,” he tells you. He curls his thick digits, pushing against the squishy spot that makes you see stars. “No more,” you breathlessly say. “Just one more. Need to make sure it all keeps,” you are completely overstimulated. The feelings of his fingers are heightened by your two orgasms – which only makes you come undone even faster. His fingers are lightening fast and your pussy sounds like it's made of water. It’s so loud and wet and you just can’t help yourself from cumming again. You’re thrashing against his unrelenting fingers, crying loud enough that your neighbors definitely hear. “That’s it. S’good for me,” he’s emotional watching you come undone so many times by his doing. You were his. His, his, his. 

BFF! Sugu who doesn’t even have to tell you to cancel your date. You couldn’t pick your head up after he was done with you. You were staying home with him – where you belonged. 

[tgmsunmontue]

From the top 1/? (WIP)

IceMav, (eventual) Explicit, (background Hangster who are already established). Set post-TGM. (No dead Ice obviously).

Featuring not-mistaken identities (where they (Ice and Mav) pretend to be in the dark for REASONS), Ice is Jake's Uncle Tom, Mav is Bradley's Dad, everyone knows everyone, (un)requited love, coming out as an older person, and a little bit of a circus-vibe where Ice has a horrible realization that this is indeed his circus and these are also his monkeys.

An AU where Mav married Carole and adopted Bradley to make things easier legally. A USNA Bradley who has been very careful to separate Dad/Pete from godfather/Maverick. They had an argument prior to TGM, but it was around Maverick being careless with his life (RE: Darkstar because Bradley got the call that Maverick was missing, presumed dead). So it was about risk taking and thinking while flying, so that was happening and Bradley admits to the Dagger Squadron that Maverick is his godfather and they have a ‘complicated relationship’ which isn’t a lie per se, however it’s… complicated.

                He and Bradley haven’t reached the stage yet where they’ve met any of each other’s family. They haven’t even introduced each other to their friends as boyfriends yet, and their circle of friends overlap. And he’s okay with that. More than okay actually. Doesn’t quite know how he’d broach the whole by the way I’m sort of related to the COMPACFLT through my mom conversation. He’s close with Tom now, closer than he is to any of his mom’s other cousins that’s for sure. Idolized him when he was young, and now also holds a deep-rooted respect and affection for the man. It had also helped knowing he had someone to look to as a role model, someone who was gay in the Navy and got so high up no-one could do anything to him now. Jake wanted that. Badly.

                But he also kind of wants his Uncle Tom to be happy. Although, hell, for all he knew he could have had a secret lover all these years. If anyone could keep it hidden it’s Uncle Tom, face quiet and impassive, unmoving and unflinching. He’d really hoped for a callsign half as cool as Iceman, and even if Uncle Tom jokes that he does have a literal half with man, he wishes he didn’t have the connotations of Hangman, even if it’s because of fucking song lyrics he was forever quoting and now twisted into something that make people assume things before they even know him.

                Not that he really has that problem now, with the Dagger Squadron being made a permanent detachment and with them all knowing each other so well now. They know he’s got their backs when it actually comes down to it. And he likes being based where his Uncle Tom is, because while he’s meant to be based in Hawaii they’ve made some concessions due to his cancer treatment. He knows their entire family is grateful, not least his Aunty Sarah. God, he knows it’s the high of surviving a literal suicide mission but life feels so good right now. He’s expecting Bradley to turn up any minute, they’ve got plans for dinner and a movie and then sex, not necessarily in that order.

                When he opens his door and Rooster is there, he can’t help the little happy swoop his insides do and he lets Bradley kiss him hello.

                “Hi.”

                “Hi. How are you?”

                “Good. Little annoyed… my dad is talking about getting back together with an ex…”

                “Is this the ex you like, or don’t like?”

                “You can safely bet money that it’s nearly always an ex I don’t like. I don’t think he’s ever had a relationship with anyone I’ve actually liked… shit that’s depressing.”

                “Maybe you just have really high standards for him?”

                “You mean unlike for myself, where my standards are really low?”

                “Hey!”

                They end up play-wrestling which quickly morphs into not-play making-out and yeah, the sex comes before dinner but he was sort of banking on that, making food that would be perfectly fine just staying warm in the oven. They end up curled around each other on the sofa, queuing up a movie and Jake asks about his day. Listens as Bradley talks about going out to Maverick’s hangar to work on the plane, having lunch with his dad and he wonders if Maverick has met Bradley’s step-dad. Obviously he must have, he’s been around even longer, although it must be weird to have two people called Pete wandering around, he guesses that’s why Bradley calls Maverick Maverick, and his step-dad dad. Stops the confusion.

                He knows Maverick and Bradley had a falling out of some sort, they’d been very angry with each other. He figured out that Maverick flew with Bradley’s dad, was the pilot when his dad died, and he’d thought it had been that. But then Bradley had dropped the bombshell that Maverick was his godfather and they’d had a fight over something he can’t talk about, but they would be fine. So Jake hasn’t pushed wanting to also hang out with Maverick, because when Bradley talks about the P-51 and the hangar his fingers itch but he gets Bradley wanting to mend bridges with his godfather.

                More than that though he wants to meet Bradley’s step-dad, doesn’t understand Bradley’s reticence about introducing them. It’s not like he’s going to care. But they’ve only been doing this, whatever it is, for a couple of weeks, which he guesses is early days, but with everything they’ve gone through in the last couple of months it also feels like several lifetimes. Then again, he’s in no rush to introduce Bradley to Uncle Tom, so maybe it’s for the best they wait a few weeks. Or months.

                “You still thinking about your dad?”

                “Yeah. I just need to get him seeing someone else. Anyone to take his mind off getting back with Georgia. Or any of his exes for that matter. Georgia especially is… well. I have no idea what she gets out of sleeping with Dad. She’s anti military for a start.”

                “The fact that she gets to sleep with him?”

                “Ew, gross…”

                “Maybe she thinks she can convert him to a non-military life one blowjob at a time…”

                “You could try that on me you know, see if you can convince me to do something with a blowjob…”

                “Don’t think I need the promise of a bj to convince you to do anything,” Jake says with a grin. “You know, my uncle Tom is gay, maybe we could set them up? Well, assuming your dad swings both ways?”

                “Huh. Yeah… He does. Keeps that pretty much on the down-low, very much on a need to know basis. Pretty sure I only know because I saw him trying to sneak a guy out when I was seventeen. Did make me feel safer about coming out to him myself though.”

…            …            …

                “Jake, I am not installing Grindr on my phone, work, personal or otherwise.”

                “Thought you might say that, so I bought you a burner. Well, please don’t actually burn it, but you know what I mean.”

                “Jake…” Tom lets out an exasperated sigh. “I wouldn’t burn it. I know what a burner is. I’m not an idiot. I just don’t want to go on a date…”

                “Okay, so you don’t actually have to go on a date. All my cards on the table. I’m using the app to introduce you to the step-dad of my… uh, a friend.”

                “A friend huh? Is this the same friend you won’t introduce to the family?”

                “Yes. The exact one. Anyway, I just want you to send him a couple of messages. Let’s say ten messages. After that you can go back to ignoring it, remove the battery from the phone and pretend it never happened. Okay?”

                “Will you let it go if I do this?”

                “I mean… yeah. I hope you make a friend or something, but he’s military as well, so you guys have something in common at least…”

                “Fine. But I want the name of your friend.”

                “No! You’ll just look him up.”

                “He’s Navy?”

                “No!”

                “He is! Good job.”

…            …            …

                “Bradley! Why is Grindr amongst my recently installed apps!”

                “I’m setting you up!” Bradley calls out, grabbing two beers to go with their takeout Chinese.

                “I don’t need setting up. I can find my own dates. I don’t need an app!”

                “Yes, you do. You can’t get back with Georgia just because you’re lonely. Look, I’m not going to make you swipe through dick-pics…”

                “Maybe I want to swipe through dick-pics!”

                “Mav, be serious! You just said you didn’t want the app!”

                “Seriously? You’re the one that installed Grindr on my phone.”

                “God, maybe this was an awful idea.”

                “Yeah, you think?”

                “Okay, give me a second,” Bradley mutters, rolling his eyes and pulling his own from his pocket and thumbing into his contacts.

                “Hi… how’s it going?” Jake asks, voice quiet, and he must still be at his Uncle’s house.

                “Not well. You think we can maybe just set them up with an app that blocks their numbers and then just let them talk that way?”

                “Can’t hurt to try… your dad resisting the Grindr approach too huh?”

                “So much. And I get it, HE’S REALLY OLD,” Bradley says, raising his voice while looking Mav dead in the eye.

                “Hey! I heard that!”

                “You were meant to!”

                He ignores the glare Mav shoots him and pokes his tongue out at the back of his head as he walks away.

                “Okay, let’s see what we can find. I’ll message you and let you know.”

                “Sure thing.”

                Fifteen minutes later Jake has sent him the information, an end-to-end encrypted messaging app, one which hides the number of the phone sending the message. It’s silent and has to be manually opened to check for notifications, which is very old-school but means there’s no potential odd sounding pings. The icon is a mundane looking tower symbol and he guesses that could mean anything.

                “Okay Mav – you need to give this guy a chance okay? Please?”

                “What’s in it for me?”

                “I will stop bothering you about… uh… your love life for six months?”

                “No deal. I want to meet the guy you just rang. Who’s he in all this?”

                “Uh… I guess he’s my boyfriend.”

                “Ooohhh… it’s new huh? You’re in that new loved-up stage where you want everyone around you to be in the same stage.”

                “Uh, I mean we’ve known each other for years, but we’ve recently… come to an arrangement.”

                “Is it boyfriends or friends with benefits?”

                “Well, we weren’t exactly friends before, so definitely closer to boyfriends I guess,” Bradley says, carefully skirting the fact that Mav actually already knows Jake quite well.

                “Great. I’ll send what, ten messages to this guy and then I get to meet your guy in two weeks.”

                “No! Three months. And twenty messages.”

                “You realize you can’t force me to do anything right? You have no bargaining power here?”

                “I know, but… for me?”

                “Ugh… sad cow eyes. Fine fine, put them away. I’ll message the guy. But I do want to meet your guy when you feel the timing is right.”

                “Yeah, of course.”

                God he hopes this works because he has no idea if Mav will like the fact he’s with Jake or not.

…            …            …

                They meet up every week when they’re both in the same place, and it’s been a treat these last few months, but also a trial. Usually the distance has been a unintended blessing, making his unfortunate case of unrequited love easier to ignore. When he was younger he’d thought it was just a crush, that it would just… fade away. Instead the opposite has happened, time and distance have hardened and solidified similar to how pressure and temperature turn limestone into marble his love for Maverick is a solid and unmoving object that is ever present. Every time Mav walks through his front door he has to fight the urge to enfold him in his arms and just hold him. Every time.

                “Did you ever want kids of your own?” Pete asks and Tom startles, looks across at him.

                “No. I have nieces and nephews and cousin’s kids coming out my ears. They’re enough trouble to be getting on with, without adding my own genes to the mix. Wasn’t ever going to happen anyway,” he tacks on, and he wonders if this, today, this moment, will be the time it twigs and Mav will ask what he means.

                “Too much trouble by half. Do you know what Bradley did the other day? Installed a dating app on my phone.”

                “What? Why would he do that?”

                “He thought I was considering getting back with Georgia for some reason.”

                “And you’re not?”

                “No. Anyway, he’s trying to set me up with someone. At least you don’t have to worry about that.”

                “You’d be surprised. My cousins kid bought me a phone, a burner phone, with a dating app installed on it.”

                “Oh yeah? Which one?”

                Tom swallows.

                Okay.

                No more subtle hints.

                It’s now or never.

                “Grindr.”

                He didn’t purposely wait for Mav to have a sip of his drink, but he still sprays it out across the coffee table, eyes bugging out and he can’t seem to look Tom in the eye and he feels his stomach start to sink.

                “You… ah… you know that app is for gay guys right?”

                “I’m aware.”

                Pete just stares at him and he wonders if this is it. The moment his best friend just gets up and walks out of his life.

                “You never told me.”

                “You never asked.”

                “Yeah well, there was a whole thing about not asking and not telling until about ten years ago so… sorry if I thought you’d have maybe mentioned it. Or at least… alluded to it.”

                “I did Pete. With something called subtlety. I know it’s not your strong suit, but I tried to leave it there in the open for you to pick up on. I’m only just… getting to the grips with the idea of being more out.”

                “Okay. Uh. Does anyone else know?”

                Tom snorts.

                “Yeah, my whole family for a start. Had to get them to stop trying to marry me off. Slider of course.”

                “Why of course? Why Slider?”

                “He’s known me for a very long time.”

                “I’ve known you for a long time.”

                He doesn’t want to mention that Slider figured it out, because he’s had to learn to be subtle, and his weak point has and will always be the man in front of him. And he can never let him know. Still, Mav sounds annoyed.

                “Slider figured it out. He’s too perceptive for his own good,” Tom mutters, because he’s also the one person who knows about his lifelong torch bearing.

                “Huh. Okay.”

…            …            …

                Tom locks the house up, Mav having left to go home after Tom had soundly beaten him at chess. He knows it isn’t one of Mav’s favorite games, that he really only plays to humor Tom and give them something to do while they talk… his brain is catching on something and it’s going to bother him until he figures it out. Pete. Playing chess simply to spend more time with him...

                He stops.

                Blinks.

                Pete had said Bradley had installed a dating app on his phone.

                Within a day of Jake giving him a phone with Grindr installed, which quickly morphed to a simple encrypted messaging service.

                He’s learnt to not ignore his gut and this is deeply suspicious with the coincidence.

                He wonders if Jake and Bradley are dating. The idea of that makes him smile, even if it’ll cause an administrative nightmare. He knows they know each other, they’re part of the same squadron and there are rules, however it wouldn’t surprise him at all if both Bradley and Jake decided that that particular rule was for other people.

                Wait.

                He suddenly needs to know which app it is exactly that Bradley installed and he has his phone in his hand ringing him before he even considers the time of night, or where Bradley might be right now.

                “Hey Uncle Ice… Everything okay?”

                “Hey Bradley. Sorry for the late call, Just, uh, Mav mentioned you installed a dating app on his phone. You mind telling me which one it was?”

                “Uh… Grindr. Why?”

                “Oh. No reason. Just curious Thanks. Have a good night.”

                Why would Bradley install Grindr.

                Maverick’s not gay.

                To his knowledge Maverick isn’t even bisexual. Or anything else that might imply he’s anything other than overwhelmingly heterosexual.

                Maverick didn’t say anything tonight when he learnt about Tom’s own sexuality.

                Maybe Bradley knows something Tom doesn’t.

                Scratch that.

                Bradley definitely knows something Tom doesn’t.

CHAPTER TWO

[fortunatelyannoyingcrown]

R*pesand/Feyrat Stans roast time!!!

We all know Rapesand and Feyfoo's Stans are some of the most stupid people in the acotar fandom, lacking basic common sense and hypocrisy that can't be rivalled, but I have to make a special mention of this dumbass in particular, I found on reddit....

(I'm feeling especially mean today, and this is going to be a hypocrisy exposé so bear with me, when I give it to users like this one and others who exist to give a poor name to fans online and make me facepalm so hard)

You can clearly tell from responses like these that Feyrat Stans have the common sense and brain capacity of a fucking furniture, but just for dumbasses like Koalafied Captain, let me break down a couple of things:

a)Tamlin, as the high lord of an entire kingdom has the goddamn right to stop any civilian in his kingdom, who poses a threat to his soldiers, fighting his battle for him.Your bitch of a fave, Feyre, was doing exactly that, threatening to run into a fucking military operation, where she can't protect herself and also would be a bloody danger to everyone else.The fact that the bitch thought, she could just easily disobey the orders of a lord and endanger the lives of everyone else because she was whining about wanting to go out is quite possibly the most selfish thing anyone can ever do.It was trauma induced, but it was fucking selfish and Feyre, being unable to think about anyone else other than herself was peak selfishness full fucking stop.

And Tamlin only locked her up, after she repeatedly refused to heed his no, several times because, yes sweetie, it was dangerous AF for her to be involved in a military operation without any training of her powers.Even before that, Tamlin was perfectly okay with Feyre going out and doing whatever TF she wanted, all he needed was for her to take an escort with her, because guess what?SC was haunted by Amarantha's monsters, and it was bloody fucking dangerous for Feyre to be out on her own, especially as an untrained Fae.This basic concession being impossible for Feyre to accept, shows how immature, inconsiderate and frankly, stupid she is.And that is, along with the fact that, the bitch is unable to respect boundaries, as clear from how she can't accept a no, no matter what.Fuck her, a million times, just for that🖕🏾

And yes, Feyre stans, let's get back to your favorite master saviour, the one y'all claimed "freed Feyre"(Even though he r*ped her to make that happen).The only reason why R*pesand was able to "free her", was because he was literally keeping her in a fucking hidden city that no one knows about, and also, it was not being haunted therefore making it a safe place for Feyre to be.Lol,.that's not even on him, Velaris has been hidden for centuries, because of the work, his ancestors did, R*pesand as the high lord does fuck all for his court.He doesnt work, therefore having time to be all up in Feyre's business lol

So yeah, Feyre was trapped in Velaris, which is slightly bigger than Tamlin's mansion.Congrats Feyre, you officially moved from one place, you claimed was such a "prison" into a bigger one.🥴.

Let's not get into the whole abusive AF situation that was the pregnancy.

As for, the abuse "apologies" that we give that you keep whining about, babes, you need to look at your own responses.Whining about Tamlin losing control, when your fave did it twice, injuring the LoA, R*pesand does it constantly, with Nesta and everyone else, even going so far as to threaten to kill her, Feyfoo, being a disgusting murderous, genocidal c*nt, just like Amarantha, sexually abusing Lucien and destroying Tamlin's life out of spite, and guess what's even funnier?She did the exact same things to Nesta that she was crying about Tamlin doing to her, two books prior.Lol, what a sorry little hypocrite.

And guys, it is especially funny,.to read all of Koalafied Captain's responses, justifying Rhysand's abuse:

a)"Oh but, he was behaving like a Fae, whose mate was pregnant"- Oh so that justifies his abuse of Feyre and Nesta?

b)"Oh Rhys was so tortured and sexually abused wah wah"- well well well, look at how the abuse apologist is abuse apologizing right now🤣🤣🤣

Can everyone in the NC, do something, a magic ritual maybe, to grow a few brain cells in their High lady's head?Her critical thinking levels are not even zero, they are in the negatives at this point, and that doesn't bode well for the citizens of that court.

Because bitch, how are you going to claim, you were abused in a previous relationship, and move onto an even worse abuser.Feyre's such a stupid buffoon, I tell you🤣🤣🤣

As for the stans like the one in the ss, how much else, are you going to do and how much more are you going to embarass yourself, because you are so busy dickriding, a rapist like Rhysand.Do me a favour, and please fuck all the way off, and keep Tamlin's,name out of your bloody mouths

So yeah,to all the Feyre stans, who excuse that bitch's crimes against humanity.Spare me all the BS.Y'all don't have a leg to stand on here, not when your faves have committed much worse crimes, and have behaved even worse than Tamlin has ever done.Guess what bitches?Feyre was abusive towards Tamlin, Nesta and Lucien.

So, yeah cry me a river about us Tamlin Stans being "abuse apologists", lol when people like you exist, who are genocide/abuser/rape apologists to the fucking extreme.Also, I wish Tamlin had slapped the shit out of Feyre, atleast then the abuser tag on him would have been deserved, and I could happily watch bitches like you, whine about it for ages🖕🏾🖕🏾🖕🏾...

Spare me all of the fake righteous indignation about us "excusing abuse" when you sit there and excuse, every single one of R*pesand's abuse of Feyre, SA, medical abuse, physical abuse(he literally checks every single box lol, what a POS, SJM just kill him already), and Feyfoo's own abusive and controlling behaviour towards other people.I know I'm(and people like me are ) on the right side, when I am not defending war criminals, rapists and manipulative liars. Y'all should worry about yourself

[fefesoutsiderstuff]

Soc September 2024 - Autistic Cherry :D

Submitting for @socseptember

"What have we done?" Cherry asked no one in particular, staring at the fountain. It was at that exact location Bob Sheldon - her boyfriend - ex? - had been fatally stabbed. And she couldn't stop looking. Why wasn't there any police tape? Why did this happen? Why did Bob drink, why couldn't she handle the crowded drive-in like everyone else, what did having her hands squeezed do that made it all quieter, what did everyone else want from her?

"We were only having fun," Paul said miserably.

Cherry wasn't good at detecting lies, but she could say with absolute certainty that that was bullshit. "You were only having fun?" she asked incredulously.

"We were only having fun. Just hanging out. Just horsin' 'round. Doin' what we've always done."

Deep breath, deep breath. But instead, there was an indignant squeak. "Fun? A five-on-two fight is fun? Drowning a fourteen-year-old boy is fun? And what did you expect? Johnny got jumped a week ago, and guess who did it!"

"Bob went crazy when he saw you with that greaser kid," Paul... growled? It wasn't really growly, but if it had sounded like it hurt his throat, it would have been. "You held his hand at the concession stand."

Cherry backed away as her friends - they were still her friends, right? They couldn't stop being her friends without saying so, right? - approached her threateningly and the cacophony of reprimanding began.

Loud. Too loud. Too loud. Oh, fuck-

And then it hit her. Way too late as she was now hunched forward with her hands over her ears being yelled at to look at them and explain herself and all those things she couldn't do.

"Are you all... mad at me?"

Pause.

"Are you out of your mind?" Beverly yelled. "Yes, we're mad! How did it take you that long to figure it out?" she screamed as Cherry stared at the ground, stifling sobs. "Bob wasn't jealous! You can't hold someone else's hand! You of all people should know this with all your righteous indignation-"

"I can explain," Cherry whispered, not that anyone heard her. "I can explain. I can explain." The phrase lost meaning as she mumbled it to herself and, too tired and overwhelmed to maintain her facade, settled onto the ground, dropping Bob's letterman jacket behind herself.

And she rocked.

Back and forth, she shifted her weight, knees hugged against her chest.

It might have been freeing under different circumstances. But it wasn't. It was a terrifying feeling of helplessness and shame and fear.

Cherry was petrified.

Everyone was staring at her. But she was alone. And she always would be.

"Cherry, what the fuck is this?"

Oh, gosh, how could she ever explain this?

"Uh... what the fuck is what?" she asked. "Am I allowed to say fuck right now? Is that okay?"

"Why are you rocking back and forth like a crazy person?"

Cherry blinked. Then she cracked. Then she shattered. "I don't know!" she sobbed. "The world is too loud and everyone is doing fine but I'm not and I try, I really do, but sometimes, I just need a hand squeeze because drive-ins are too loud! And I don't like parties because they're loud and people-y and they mess up my routines and I always end up doing something wrong because what am I supposed to do? No one tells me these things! And now I broke up with my boyfriend and he got himself killed and everyone is screaming at me because I needed a squish! Is that too much to ask for? Is it too much to ask that after a whole thirty hours of pretending to be normal while having a panic attack, I get emotional support from the one person I felt safe enough to be myself around?"

She finally looked up and saw everyone staring at her. But she couldn't stop. "The entire time I've known any of you, I've been pretending. Because normal people are nothing like me. Normal people don't make nests around themselves in bed at night and sleep with their hands under their chins. And I only realized that after a sleepover with Marcia in third grade when she just flopped onto her side and went to sleep! Y'all don't stay up for half an hour writing stories in your head and scripting out responses for everything anyone could ever possibly say to you the following day! How?"

There was no response for a while.

Then Marcia dropped into the grass beside Cherry. "That's... why?"

"I think you're cool," Cherry whined between sobs. "And I wanted you to think I was cool. But I'm not. I'm a dork. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. You shouldn't have to. I'm just really tired so I can't pretend to be a functional human anymore. And I wore the bad socks today."

"The bad socks?" Beverly asked confusedly.

Marcia looked at Beverly and shook her head, whispering "Don't make her explain right now," before returning her attention to her distressed friend. "You wore the bad socks today?"

"I wore the bad socks today. I wanna crawl out of my own skin and become a cat. I don't like being a human. Humans are weird and complicated. Cats don't make themselves think they're having an allergic reaction without actually having an allergic reaction."

"No, they don't," Marcia said softly. "But cats also can't read."

"I wanna be a literate kitty cat."

"Okay, well, I'm sorry. I can't help you with that, but how about we take some deep breaths, okay? Breathe with me?" Marcia asked before taking a deep, exaggerated breath through her nose. "Good. Aaaand, out through the mouth."

A few moments went by. "I actually liked when Dallas brought up the cicada thing. Not like that, but I like information. He sounded really knowledgeable about bugs."

"He did?"

"Yeah."

Marcia nodded understandingly. "I bet you wanted to talk to him about sciencey things."

"I did. Thank goodness you told me to ignore him. Oh, wait, we're on the floor, what- this isn't correct. This isn't correct at all," Cherry rambled, struggling to her feet.

"You wanna get up? We can go home and you can talk to me about bugs?" Marcia asked, following suit and brushing off her dress.

"I don't know much about bugs, actually. But I do have an uncomfortable amount of knowledge surrounding the Middle Ages. Women weren't actually baby factories; virginity was the cool thing."

The rant continued for a while. Marcia listened patiently.

And for all the grief that weekend came with, Cherry felt a thousand times lighter than ever before.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------Yap to me about this. Please yap to me about this. Comments. Questions. Concerns. Anything.

UPDATE: she has an rp blog now: @/cherryv

[twopoppies]

Hi Gina, I hope you're as well as you can be considering everything that's happened.

I'm a bit late saying this, but I'm so sorry about the election results! I truly hope with my whole heart something is going to be done about all the shady things that were going on. I live in Europe and while it affects me to a degree and really scares me, I can't imagine how absolutely terrifying this must be for you. I'm holding onto hope that trump never gets to set foot in the white house again (nor vance for that matter) and it's all going to be alright.

I followed the election pretty closely, and though I was anxious about the results, I was hopeful the map would turn a pretty shade of blue. All of the predictions I saw said either that it will be very close, or that harris would have an easy win. NONE of them even mentioned the possibility that it would be an easy win for trump... let alone him winning the popular vote! Mind boggling. And quite frankly, I don't believe it. There's no way that thing (*disgusted*) would actually have won in a fair election after everything. I'm convinced it was rigged and refuse to believe otherwise. The question is whether anyone will/can do something about it. I've heard some people say that harris was way too calm during her concession speech for it to be over, and took it to mean they didn't accept the results and are doing something about it. They said trump is very uncharacteristically silent on x and him not boasting about the election results is suspicious. While I'm not familiar with his posting habits, I hope they are right and people are taking action and investigate behind the scenes. In any case, I hope you stay safe and I'm sending you and everyone who might need it a big hug. My thoughts are with all of you🤍

Thank you so much, darling. I’m not sure if I’m just living in delusion, but I really feel that no one with brains believes the numbers Trump pulled. None of it makes sense. I have to believe Kamala and her team have been expecting him to do something like this (he basically broadcast it, saying people didn’t even need to vote, they’d have the votes anyway etc)

The silence on both sides is very strange. Her immediate concession was strange. I really do think everyone working against Trump is doing everything they can to prove he did what we all suspect he did.

Thank you for the good thoughts. We certainly can all use them. 🩷

[fuck-customers]

I work in housekeeping, and the supervisors there are like. fucking horrible. We have the manager, who does fuck all to deal with the supervisor drama, and then we have 3 supervisors,

Supervisor J is lovely, I love her, she's the greatest manager type I've ever had (not the highest compliment when you know I've only worked two jobs but still) and she is amazing at trying to solve our issues and make this job as smooth as possible for everyone.

Supervisor T is iffy, but that's mostly just because of her connection to Supervisor D, we all feel she'll report anything we say back to D, so we can't talk to T.

Supervisor D is a fucking problem. She's gotten multiple people fired because she just fucking lies about them (me almost being one of those people), she has these stupid little cliques, she tries to get everyone against J, because she thinks J is vying for the Manager job, when J literally just wants us to be able to do our job efficiently, she sit in the office doing Fuck All all fucking day, and she just doesn't make any of us not in her little clique feel like this job is a safe/healthy work environment. (it's not safe for other reasons (namely the borderline p*do on staff which I'll probably complain about in a different ask) but D here is the MAIN reason why)

She got one of our runners fired for 'not doing his job because she never saw him' when she takes the stairs and he has to take the elevator, and the runner job is like, the easiest job to miss and yet the hardest to fucking fill with competent people, but ohhh nooo she never saw him do his job, despite the fact that the job WAS GETTING DONE WHEN HE WAS HERE but no, she never saw him in the halls. :/

D CONSTANTLY rushes us in cleaning the rooms when we have like, three rooms (the normal amount is 5 rooms, each takes around an hour-ish depending on how bad) because she wants to leave, but newsflash old woman I NEED HOURS TO MAKE MONEY TO SURVIVE, just because YOUUUU don't pay rent doesn't mean WE don't.

like an example of that is when she cleaned someone's room for them (for some reason, we weren't even staying late at ALL) then sent them to help me, and I had one room left, so I told them to go stock my room with like, the linen and concessions and shit, and then D got fucking mad at me for not telling her to clean the room ?? First off, that's your fucking job to do, tell her to clean the room, you left it up to me, so i told her to what's best to actually HELP me, second off, you TOOK ONE OF HER ROOMS TO CLEAN ??? WHY NOT JUST LET HER HAVE HER ROOM ????? IF SHE NEEDS TO CLEAN ONE ???

she almost got ME fired, because she said, and i fuckign quote '[op] gets out at the same time as everyone else on purpose so he doesn't have to help others in their rooms]' . fucking WHAT ??

first off, how would you even figure something like that out ? second off, literally no one i asked feels that way (probably except her), and THIRD OFF, NO I FUCKING DON'T ?? I HELP PEOPLE ALL THE TIME ?? THE PEOPLE THAT NEED HELP !! just because I'm not gonna help fucking M over there (who is another problem) doesn't mean I'm not helping. M always has so many rooms, because D TAKES HER OUT TO LUNCH AND LETS HER DRINK ON THE FUCKING CLOCK !! AND THEN LETS HER LEAVE WHEN SHE FEELS SICK FROM BEING DRUNK !! SO WE END UP WITH HER ROOMS ANYWAYS !!!

At the time of this ask, the younger girls (because of course its the girls from 18-21 that are having problems with this old hag :/) and supervisor J are having a meeting with the Manager, that, tbh, if it doesn't fucking go well, I'm walking out. it's gotten that fucking bad.

oh, and :) the manager is part of HR, and we don't even feel like we can go to here about afformentioned borderline p*do :) because she does JACK FUCKING ALL about anything :)

i hate it here. I'm already quitting when I get my W2, but if this meeting tomorrow doesn't go well (or if supervisor D is there at all, as we've requester her fucking NOT be there so we feel safe talking) i'm walking the fuck out of that building tomorrow. What are they gonna do ? fire me ? i'm already walking out girlfriend, and I have a shoe in job for when I leave ANYWAYS ! good luck ! i'll be back for my W2 and my last paycheck when it's there ! i'm sick and tired of y'alls bullshit !!!

Posted by admin Rodney.

[knightsofeclipse]

I think it is such a mark of good writing how hard it is to pick and keep a favourite character. (It’s Reece, I’ve landed on Reece). That every new episode, ever clip compilation, every quote I see makes me go “ok but are they may favourite now?” Everyone has so much that is compelling and complex about them. And each new interaction draws from every previous one. Nothing is forgotten, everything is taken into account. I’m a writer, I understand how this process works. And I’m still so blown away every time how amazing Charlotte is at executing just everything. She’s so incredibly talented. 10/10, 5 stars, every glowing review in the book.

And I don’t see people talking about just how brilliant the writing is. The moment that just keeps getting me is Char getting Mia fired. I see lots about the Mialotte side of it, but no one’s really talking about everything that had to happen to lead up to it. The establishment of Char’s character as someone who is so trustworthy and honest — she would never do something so underhanded, especially not so openly — and how vocally against what she was doing she was up until that point. Whether or not her plan had been premeditated, all of the pieces were set up so that it could ONLY be Char who could take down Mia. And then Mia’s side of it, that it’s made so clear that Mia can see something is up with Char but she wants to believe Char is nothing like her. That Char wouldn’t manipulate her like that. Mia is blinded by her affections for Char and Char can see that. WE can see that. I feel like I’m not doing the scene justice in trying to impress upon everyone how nuanced and complex that interaction was. I feel like I’m just going to devolve into screaming from the rooftops “this is what good writing looks like!”

The storyline going on right now, everything surrounding Shibby and Roger, as well as what’s I’ve dubbed the “Charlotte Protection Squad” Siobhan showing up for Char alongside Marjorie and Mia — including the revelation that Mia and Shibby had a flirtation, even if it amounted to nothing — I think recontextualizes the conversation Siobhan and Sorscha had about “knowing what you like”. Shibby’s reaction to Sorscha asking “what is it that attracted you to the millionaire sixty year old” felt off at the time. Maybe I’m just too autistic but it felt unnecessarily defensive. Siobhan’s concession that maybe people can know what they like, her almost surprise at Sorscha insisting that clearly she “knows” she likes much older men, it just didn’t sound like someone who was sure. And I’ve seen this kind of situation before, where a scene doesn’t feel right initially but later episodes provide more insight into it. It’s giving foreshadowing — intentional or otherwise, it doesn’t really matter. Part of writing is rolling with things as they develop and then looking back and going “oh hey, I foreshadowed that”.

I could go on about how I felt like I was reading too much into Shibby’s character and her interactions with others and was just waiting to be proven wrong but every further interaction continues to align with how I interpreted her. And by go on I mean GO ON. But we’d be here all day — and probably night — and that’s a lot of quotes to pull…

A brief aside about my autism; storytelling and writing are my core special interests. They inform how I interact with every other special interest I’ve had. And The Nursery Nurse is my current special interest. I’m usually a silent lurker. It just means so much to me to feel safe enough to be able to break my silence and properly engage with a community like this. And although it may take some time to convince myself that anyone actually cares to hear what I have to say, it’s a really big step for me to even say it in the first place. Thank you all for creating a community like this, where everyone feels welcome. I feel like just being here makes me more of a person… if that makes sense.

I’ve changed my mind. I do have one more thing to say about Siobhan. I know why the fandom has latched onto her despite everything she’s said/done. And no, it’s not just because she’s hot — but, like, that helps. It’s because she’s a good villain. She’s a satisfying villain. She says and does horrible things, doesn’t pull her punches — for fear of “going too far” from a writing standpoint — and is always dispatched and put back in her place by the end of the episode. She’s beloved for the same reason Team Rocket is. She’s a fun character to play with and has an easily followed formula on how her interactions are handled. I’m just going to keep screaming it from the rooftops: ITS JUST GOOD WRITING. We like Shibby because she’s the right villain for the right job. Her level of villainy is on par with the rest of the stakes the series provides. And that’s such an overlooked part of creating a villain or any sort of conflict. It has to match with the level of intensity of the rest of the goings on. That is Siobhan’s place in the ecosystem.

And I may or may not be collecting evidence to suggest that Jodie has been the other spy the entire time. Like, from her first appearance the entire time. Totally prepared to be wrong on this, some maths just aren’t mathing for me though.

Anyway, impulsively sharing this right before bed so I can pretend the internet doesn’t exist for the next 8 hours and come back less anxious about the mortifying ordeal of being known™️. That’s being a bit over dramatic… I’ll sleep now…

[karizard-ao3]

My reactions to Evangelion episode 25: Do you love me?

Just the title of this episode alone is making me feel emotional. What is going to happen to these babies?

I'm going to try to fit these last two episodes in before I finish cleaning up for my friends who are visiting this weekend. I want to be an emptionally destroyed zombie for the whole time they're here.

Jk. I'm hoping I can withstand this and at least fake that I'm still functional after. I might have to take a break between episodes to run to Target, but fingers crossed I will have this finished tonight and then be able to watch End of Evangelion on Sunday!

Enough about me. Let's begin!

Shinji is either having a mental breakdown or he's got some Angel in his head. This reminds me of the Dirac (?) Sea and what he was going through then.

Is he being interrogated?

Asuka is the blunt voice in his subconscious lol

I do find it interesting how similar Asuka and Shinji's motives for piloting the Evas are.

It's interesting because it seems Rei is connected to all the different versions of herself that exist in other people's perceptions. And, it seems like that is entirely what she has based her current sense of herself on.

Her similarities to Kaworu (is that right?) are really interesting. They both were really disconnected from themselves and the world. Very different from humans, who cling to life. Instead, they are eager to die.

"You existed for today, Rei." And Kaworu said he believes he was born just to meet Shinji and was happy to die having done that. How to put this? All the Angels thus far have seemed to be created for one purpose. They always appear, do one thing, and then are killed. There's an essence of the mayfly about them. The fights don't even last long in the show, and sometimes we even miss them. They've never really felt like a real enemy because of that. They're just so unrecognizable, if that makes sense.

Shinji is maybe remembering when he disappeared into the quantum plane?

The instrumentality begins. Oh no.

Misato was shot?

They're gonna glomp everyone altogether into an amorphous blob of heart?

I heard the author was depressed. I get it.

Misato is tired of being clean and pretty for everyone else, and her apartment before the kids moved in was a pig sty. It was like her one little concession to herself. She has to put on the mask outside but at home she could be dirty and ugly.

Hmmmm Misato. Using sex to hide from the pain and disappoint your dead father, huh? I am uneasy. I've been trying to ignore certain vibes I was getting and I'm still trying to. I dont want to talk about it.

Why would they talk about Asuka like that right in front of her?

This is really something. Can't quite articulate it right now, but you know when you're just walking along and suddenly you become hyper aware of the fact that you are you and other people are in their own heads being themselves and having thoughts and sensations just like you but you will never know what it is like in their heads or how it feels to be them? That's what this is like.

"You wished for a closed off world that was comfortable for you and only you." Damn.

In Conclusion

When they say Shinji wished for the end of his world, is that because he wanted to connect with other people and end his loneliness or is it just because he hates himself and wants to die? Or, something else?

My head is doing contortions trying to figure all this out. But I was warned it was confusing, so I don't have high expectations from myself.

Dear Shinji, please stay safe. I love you.

[flownintothesun]

GET TO KNOW THE MUN !!!

NAME: Orion

PRONOUNS: they/them

BEST EXPERIENCE: To be honest, there are a lot of character dynamics I adore — but probably the best experiences are getting to know muns and characters. I've had my fair share of heartbreak and lost friendships/dynamics on this website, but I've also met some of the best people I know. I've changed and grown because of both ic and ooc communication and I just — am awed and love how deeply I've gotten to feel because I chose to come to Tumblr. (Also I think the dynamics I've built with Nonny ic and ooc is very neat and makes me happy and I am super grateful.)

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION: Discord, probably. But I don't mind Tumblr DMs either.      

MOST ACTIVE MUSE: Probably Marin, followed by Westley, Francis, Enjolras, Henry, Howl (in that order). But if you take the secret menu muses into account, I've had a lot of muse for Mariano lately too (probably up there with Marin) — just haven't decided if I'm fully integrating him onto Tumblr just yet so I've just been harrassing Nonny lovingly with him.

EXPERIENCE / HOW MANY YEARS:  I've been roleplaying for 20 years now but I've been on Tumblr since 2019. :) ♡

RP PET PEEVE: I have a couple. Probably the biggest one is the purity/callout culture to be honest, and how big scary words get thrown around for fictional content that erases the severity of the word in question when it comes to real life harm. Writing something is not the same as condoning it. People have a lot or reasons to write the content they choose to write, and it is a kindness, not a debt or necessity to tag it or refrain from writing it. People's blogs are first and foremost their safe spaces — although many (myself included) choose to make concessions to accommodate other people. You don't have the right to take someone's peace of mind and safe place away from them because you're squicked by something a fictional character does or is. Block and move on or politely request the content is tagged. There is a huge difference between fictional content and real harm.

PLOTS OR MEMES: Both! I think things work out a lot better with plotting, but I also struggle with it sometimes (worldbuilding isn't my strength in writing, I think) and memes are great icebreakers when braincells aren't complying between the writing partners. A lot of times, sending memes can be a great indicator of interest even if there aren't spoons or you're too shy to reach out yet.     

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: I would love so much to say 'short' replies, but I seem to be perpetually unable to write anything shorter than 3-4 paragraphs unless I'm REALLY trying and condensing down my character.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSES: It's interesting because I'd always thought that everyone's muses were at least a little bit of a self-insert — but I've been corrected by two lovely people who don't see themselves in their muses at all. This to say, yes, I think so in my case at least. I can see little pieces of myself in all of my muses. I'm probably most like Francis at my healthiest, though. ♡ I think I carry Francis's romanticism and urges to escape into fantasy and the being in love with love itself. I carry Westley's insecurities and sometimes his snark. I carry Marin's desire to be what other people need, but also to be good enough and loved. I carry Mariano's overthinking and sometimes his seriousness (and also his dad jokes). I carry Lucienne's fierceness in protecting her loved ones (though not to the same extent). I tend to try to take the lead like Enjolras, I am volatile like Howl at times, and I am a poet like Henry.

tagged by the lovely @imprvdente (thank you ♡) tagging hm... let's go with @batteredoptimist ; @dutyworn ; @unfinishedbusincss ; @anderwhohn (when your computer complies ofc ♡) ; @voxvulgi ; @wehavefoundthestars ; and you if you'd like to.

[queerstake]

I'm sorry for sending this, but I'm. In kind of a weird spot. I don't really have many other places i can turn. I figured out several years ago that i am aro/ace, and for awhile I just thought that was okay. Still okay with church. Just more open than others might be to the queer community. But it's gotten so hard as I've come to fully understand myself. That I'm non-binary. That I am pan for tertiary/alterous attraction. And now I've got a genderfluid datemate. I love them with all my heart. They aren't part of the church. I didn't tell them that I was raised LDS until after we started dating, but they realized a long while ago. They've been supportive and understanding of my position through everything.

But I have a hard time with a lot of the culture that has developed around the church, and I find I don't want to go anymore. Maybe it would be easier if I knew more queer members, but I don't. Any friends i have learned are queer have left.

My family isn't friendly to the queer community, which hurts like hell, because I want to tell them about my partner. My family means so much to me. I want them to be okay with the fact that I still believe in God and Jesus, but I just don't want to be "active".

Even being a "good active member" is mentally exhausting for me. It puts so much mental and social strain on me. Social stuff is extremely mentally exhausting for me. Doesn't help that my dad is emotionally abusive. I know it isn't like this for everyone, but I'm just so tired.

I don't have a lot of people in my life that really understand where I'm at, I'm so sorry for dumping this here. You can delete it. Thank you for what you do, hope you're safe and well.

Hi anon. Your message is about a year old as I'm answering it now, and I'm sorry for making you wait so long. I had some work to do myself before I could dedicate myself to this blog fully, and now that I'm here and ready, I want to start tackling the inbox.

Given that it's been so long, I'm sure your life has changed since you sent this message. I hope you're doing better.

Your message sounds very familiar, actually. I'm also an aroace and trans member. By the time covid came around and church meetings stopped for a period of time, I myself was worn out from struggling to keep up. I think you and me felt much the same. I used the excuse of covid to take a brief church break to figure out how I was going to make being a queer mormon work. I felt awful for having to take time off, but in the end, it really was the right choice for me. I was able to work on myself and my relationship to the church while setting aside some of the pressure I had put myself under for so long and now that I've built myself up stronger, I'm able to come back and foster a healthier relationship to the church.

I'm so glad you have a good relationship with your datemate to help you during this time! Being a queer mormon is really hard. We have to make concessions and reckon with our faith the way many straight mormons don't have to. It IS exhausting. I imagine god has put your datemate in your life in order to help give you the support you need right now.

If you or anyone else needs permission, please DO take a break. God doesn't want you to suffer, and you can't foster a good relationship with him if you're suffocating. Taking a break or not being active is not a bad thing. In fact, it was a REALLY good thing for me and really helped me come back to church even stronger than before.

I'm sorry to hear you were and are going through so much anon, and I hope some of the things I've said at least have helped you feel not alone. If you are able to take a break from church right now, I encourage you to do it! Heal and wrestle with god on your own time. You don't owe anyone anything, and god will be there with you no matter where you go. If you are unable to take a break for some other reason, know you're not alone. We understand you, we've been through the things you're going through, you're welcome to reach out any time you need support. Being a queer mormon is so hard and can be so lonely. Your queer siblings and your heavenly father are here for you.

[sincelastsession]

My partner is hurting Because he's in love with his other partner and she is married and he can never marry her or be with her in the way he wants.

He's been talking about moving here and looking at houses and places around where I live and He said some things that I'm not sure if he's drunk or really actually means it but he's made hints that we will eventually end up together and That would make me really happy but It makes me sad that He has to choose like that

I understand what he's feeling and I can't really be upset was him like a lot of people would react

Despite his pension for alcohol is still a wonderful partner and that does not make me think less of him although sometimes it is aggravating but I've dealt with worse from my father who acts like a dry drunk

He has said more kind and encouraging things to me lately than ever.

We have this thing where we decide where we will meet in our dreams. When I sleep tonight he will meet me at the secondary concession and buy me my favorite overpriced candy and we're going to watch the grand Budapest hotel.

I showed my mom the kind words he said to me.

I cry when he is very lovey. It's so hard to hear nice things. I've been told so many things I do wrong and lied to it is very hard to believe it.

I still find myself missing my ex. I'm worried about my ex because he's hanging out with a particularly dangerous group of bdsm folks. As someone who had two male subs myself till life circumstances ended things I worry about if he's continuing to sub for these people or if he's learning how to Dom incorrectly.

-----

My heart is skipping beats. I hear kids running around outside and it's almost 4am.

I know whose kids they are.

The courtesy officer said he'd come out today to talk to the people screaming. They stopped for a little while. Maybe 10minutes.

I feel so scared that I'll be stuck with these dumb assholes as neighbors forever.

I can't get to sleep at night because I'm constantly scared.

I've been scared of getting to bed most of my life.

Actually many things I do have been most of my life.

People just started noticing around my teen years and punished me for everything since

The anxiety I feel right now feels like I'm being hunted for sport. My door is locked. But my windows are easy break one pane. My bedroom door doesn't lock anymore so I can't make that safe.

I'm exhausted and I had to take my extra med.

I don't want to be alone.

I have no real self defense.

Pepper spray is bullshit.

Hand guns scare me.

Can't afford the kid size 22 bolt action rifle. That's all I'd really need. I'm a good shot. I wouldn't use it but for a range and life threatening situations. I took rifelry more than once growing up. I know the discipline.

Everyone still thinks I'll try to shoot myself. Imo that's the stupidest way to go or try. Would never be a choice.

Matt knows an extraordinary amount about flooring and earlier this evening I let him talk about it and idk why but when he goes on about it even though I don't understand...it's very attractive.

There are dogs barking now and a small child getting dropped off at daycare apartment screaming

I just want to relax enough to pass out and I'm fighting sleep scared feeling.

I hate this.

I also feel like I'm going to hit nonverbal again.

I want to go home. But I am home. But it doesn't feel like home. I want home.

[bouncinaroundca]

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[stormslayeradventures]

The Great Matter: Part Three

Reading the folio documents in great detail, Haurchefant sighs and after taking a moment to make some cocoa, he sits with Ophelia’s letter in his hand. He knows at this point, that Ophelia was sending him into exile. Not only for her own welfare, but to keep the peace in the households of which she is bound. He drinks the cocoa and when he finished the drink, he grabs the letter opener and opens the letter. Breaking the seal as if he was removing a bandage of a wound and exposing it to fresh air, bracing himself for the emotional sting to come.

Haurchefant,

I beg your forgiveness for not being the one to bring you this news and your assignments. I admit at this point in the journey, I am such a coward to hide behind my duties in not bringing this forward. These last few weeks have been hard for everyone. You the most especially as we go back and forth, but I think the decision I’ve made as your superior might make things a lot easier in the future.

First, it’s convenient that your wife turned out to be of a higher rank than I, and that the place I am sending you to is in desperate need of well-trained knights who can support the ongoing training of their military and diplomatic forces. You will not be bored out there in Thavnair be assured of that. I ask you not to be angry with Athena, as she told me originally in confidence and I had no desire to pry into your affairs, I had every plan to keep confidence until Artoriel came to me and shared with me what was going on. He wanted to send you to Garlemald, lucky for you I have no desire to go out there and so Thavnair seemed like a proper concession. It takes two days travel via airship for him, and mere minutes for the rest of us. I think that’s enough for everyone involved, don’t you think?

In your box, are a few additional items that will make your transfer a little easier. First, there are receipts of payment for the land on which the Embassy now resides as well as you and Aine’s lovely home in the Yui district. No - you can’t give it back to me – it comes with the assignment and has already been paid for by the Estate and reimbursed to me via the Government – the money you will be given with the receipt simply is for renovations or any other additional things you need to make the residence your own.

Portia attached the Silver Journal, and they have enhanced the journals so now both Athena and Portia can read & respond to them – if you ever feel like writing to either of them, the lines remain open, but I have a feeling they will come see you once the Embassy is properly settled. (Portia especially as she’s going to traveling back and forth a lot in the weeks to come.) Don’t fret, they don’t see our former correspondence at all, and I no longer have a copy of the journal or the pens. I figured sneaking in letters via the Diplomatic Boxes would be enough if needed as they are Aetherially locked as well.

Lastly, and this came with hot debate and so I snuck this in – is *our* house trade seal and our house ring. These two items will grant you safe passage among the trade routes that aren’t protected by the Thavnair government. And there aren’t many like here in Coerthas, but the ones that are not covered are some of the most dangerous in terms of piracy. While I don’t anticipate you needing to use these items in an excessive amount, traders will recognize the ring, and you won’t get fleeced. (Yes, I should give one to Ser Estinien as well, but he doesn’t wear much jewelry so we will just have to figure something else out for him. Maybe a brand on his lance or something.)

Furthermore, at the embassy, once established, there will be a currency trader there. On the 1st sun of the month, there will of course be your allowance. I will have no arguments about the allocation of the allowance and the currency trader is to give you your monthly allowance and that’s it. So take it and save it, or invest any left over in some chocobo stables, you know they breed Red ones in Thavnair, so you know, plenty of money to be made in their feathers.

While this handles business affairs, this does not address the personal, and I admit, I am hesitant to speak further either in writing or in person about either matter. I am an array of feelings in every way shape and form. While I have a feeling Artoriel has shared his massive disappointment in you via his own letter that I saw in this box, I don’t completely share his sentiment.

All my life, I have known and lived with the fact that I am not an easy woman to claim, let alone please. My father warned me time and time again that I have to be mindful about what to stick my guns to and what to give grace on and when I do give grace, I have to be patient and ensure that grace has time to grow into gratitude. But for me, I have failed to be that gentle and patient woman, which in turn, means I have failed you as a wife and keeper of your legacy. I want everything now and it makes me one selfish woman. Perhaps because I spent so many years sacrificing. For you, for Ishgard, for our families, for even the greater star.

It is for this and because of this that even now, as I accept the fate of the remainder of my life lived alone, I accept it willingly even if it is painful. Because in hindsight, I’ve seen and lived through it all at this point. I’ve had a sweeping love story, with nights of deep and intimate passion and tears of joy and pain. I’ve had the joys of becoming a wife, mother, and woman of influence. I’ve also had the downs of being a widow of husband and sons, betrayals, and grief in every form. In the thirty and six years I’ve walked this earth, I’ve seen it all and lived all that life has had to offer. While I will still keep working and living to care and serve others, if it were to end tomorrow, I would be content. Because I’ve had a life well lived.

It is because of this, because of you, I cannot just send you to the moon and leave you there to rot. Despite many members of both our houses being content with that decision. For while yes, I leave quite a bit of work for you to do that will keep you busy for a few good years, eventually, there will come a day, where you will have the freedom to adventure and roam the free and warmer lands of Thavnair, seeking adventures and living your best life while raising really expensive red chocobos. All of this is a lousy replacement for the freedom you gave me both in life and in death, but it is the best I can do given the circumstances. So I hope one day you can forgive me for your “exile” and not hold it against me for shackling you down to a single place for a very long time.

Because at the end of the day Haurchie, I may never be your wife or lover again, but there is not a place in space or time, that you are not my husband and my purpose for getting up and going on. I close my eyes and watch as my life passes me by and all I see is you and your smile. You will never know how much you mean to me, and I will spend my days striving to being worthy of your name, your legacy, your smile. You gave yourself to me, and showed me what the truth was and could be. For that, I say thank you and I love you. There is no place in time or space, Etheriys or the heavens, where you not the love of my life.

I look forward to seeing what you make of the Embassy. Try to cover the hardwood floor in carpets eh? Highland flooring warps in perpetual sunlight and Thavnair loves mosaic windows.

~ Ophelia

[sparring-spirals]

Noticed tonight how hesitant FCG was about healing or even just stabilizing the the verdict. Like, iirc they were totally, 100% fine with leaving the rival team to die. Gonna have to go back and rewatch later to see if I actually got a good read on it but. God FCG creeps me out in a way no other CR pc has and I’m so glad everyone seems to be noticing it now

I meaaaaan.... they might not have DIED died... just like. Died a little. ....

I like F.C.G, although I get what you mean. Its fair if this particular facet of F.C.G sets you on edge a bit, because... I THINK that's the point. Honestly, I've grown increasingly fond of F.C.G the more we learn about them, and the clearer the divide between the cheerful demeanor and the underlying morals of their actions become. Previously I was a little hesitant about it, but now that I know the vibes are intentional, things open up a lot more. The vibes being: Absolutely terrifying and slightly terrible in a well intentioned, uninformed way. Which is both wonderful to dig into, and extremely true to life.

(this got a little lengthy, throwing it under a read-more. Rampant speculations and assumptions abound below)

I talked about it a little here, and the more I've contemplated it, the more I really like my comparison of an AI attempting to apply an overly specific model to increasingly nuanced situations. F.C.G means well. I absolutely believe that. The casual cruelties, and moral gaps we're seeing more and more come down to things like:

inflexible definitions- of humanity, of empathy, of people who deserve better and people who aren't worth it. "Well, I'm not soul touched, but you all are-" The whole situation with the drunkard early on. Horses having less of a soul than people. The definitions set the rules, and everything outside of that doesn't matter.

very specific rules or solutions applied to situations that they don't fit on- attempting to give couples therapy to two random strangers, asking ritual questions and providing canned lines as comfort to people who aren't asking for it. Even the mind delve from this last episode- is almost like some kind of fucked up diagnostic, I guess.

And then, as a result, some of the more jarring behavior just feels like prioritization, with very specific models and rules in mind. The Verdict are less important than the Bells, so its not really as much of a concern if they die (even if it, clinically, would be a shame). If F.C.G's priority is to keep the Bells as a whole safe, tricking Imogen to dive into her mind is a fine concession. Imogen’s wellbeing, even, probably takes a higher priority over their relationship, or even Imogen’s desire to... not have her mind invaded.

And, I've been making a ton of comparisons to AI's, but honestly, its a very real-to-life comparison too. It's every inexperienced person who learned something new and then attempted to overapply the concept to everything in their life. It's why the comparisons to "college freshman who took 1 semester of psych and is way too confident with it" make sense. It's the way someone with a very specific life experience will explore something new and run into problems when their experiences and judgements no longer translate correctly. It is why someone with a great deal of confidence in something they only have a surface understanding of can stir up problems even with pure intentions.

It is not often malicious, but it can be extremely harmful.

But back to F.C.G specifically: I think F.C.G is supposed to make you feel a little uneasy, for what its worth, at least in this context.

And it IS possible Sam is planning to go a "silently evil and plotting murderbot" route, but I'm hoping for something closer to *points above*, if only because. I dunno. I find that more compelling. Plus he's a cute lil robit who loves his friends awww lookit :'D

[superhero--imagines]

A/N: And this is my last fic from the bat boy Zine! If you like it and want to see more bat boy x reader content please consider filling out my interest check for a dc comics x reader zine here!

“What about the Ferris wheel?” You ask, the smooth taste of fizzy soda flooding into your mouth. You have to restrain yourself from laughing as Tim’s face contorts.

“It’s on wooden blocks!” You manage to stifle a giggle, swallowing the mouthful of soda in a hard gulp that burns the back of your throat. Your mouth purses, and you consider holding your remark, only to say it with a smirk.

“So I take it we’re not going on the Ferris wheel?” You shouldn’t tease him like this, but when you see Tim’s mouth arch into that delicate scowl you can’t help yourself.

“Maybe if this thousand pound piece of technology wasn’t resting on wooden blocks,” his baby blue eyes dart from one ride to another, the hand holding his untouched glass of lemonade gesturing towards them “they’re just wooden palettes, babe, like the kind you find at the hardware store, not even cement blocks, and all of those nails are hella rusted, quite frankly I’m surprised-“ despite your best efforts, laughter bubbles out of your mouth at Tim’s rant. You laugh so hard tears form in the corner of your eyes. When you finally wipe them away and your laughter subsides, you look up to see him pouting.

“It’s not like you’re wrong-“ the rides are on simple wooden palettes, in fact you're pretty sure the ride you’re walking past right now is resting on actual wooden logs-- like the kind you would burn in a fireplace. Tim’s right to be concerned. Now that he’s pointed it out, you're a bit concerned yourself.

“You’re just so funny, freaking out about all this stuff,” you giggle, stifling the noise by covering your mouth with your hand.

Tim flushes with those sweet rose pink lips pulling into a pout.

“I am not freaking out.”

You roll your eyes. Tim cringes as a group of middle schools passes by, almost brushing against him.

“Tim, when you saw the girl at the concession stand make the lemonade with actual lemons I thought you might actually pass out.” He flushes at this.

“Can you blame me? She pulled out an actual lemon, and then squeezed it with her bare hands,” and then in a lower, almost conspiratorial whisper he says, “she wasn’t even wearing a hair net!” Another bout of laughter surfaces.

“They’re carnies, Tim! They charged us ten dollars to walk around, and another twenty for these wristbands,” you point to the bright pink wristband hanging loosely on your wrist. You’re pretty sure they sell these in bulk at the office supply store. “They’re not exactly known for giving a safe and fun experience.”

Everyone knew that the carnival came once a year and that it was basically a rip off, but hey it was something to do. You came, you paid ten dollars to walk through a corn maze, another twenty- five to ride three rides, and rounded the night with a giant funnel cake you couldn’t finish. It was a sun-par experience at best, but after the year the two of you have had, you thought it would be a nice change of pace.

“Honestly, Tim, why’d you say yes to coming here for our date if you knew you’d be crawling out of your skin the entire time?” You say it jovially, since you half expected something like this. What surprised you was when Tim handed over the money, insisting on getting you wristbands to go on all the rides you wanted. Then he took the cup of lemonade and held onto it as you did your rounds and even asked what ride you wanted to go on the most.

His cheeks hold a rosy tinge. Those crystal blue eyes you love so much are cast down in a heated stare with the ground.

“Because I knew you wanted to come here,” the sentence leaves his mouth in a mumble, only a notch louder than a whisper, you barely catch all the words but you feel yourself melt at them, and at the sight of him.

Your sweet Tim, stomaching his germophobia to make memories with you, as much as he could in such a place anyway.

You rest a hand on his cheek, lifting his gaze from the ground to you.

“You know I love that about you right?” It’s true, you’ve always loved how selfless Tim can be, how he’s always thinking of you, or the team, to the point that you wished sometimes he just thought about himself a little more instead.

You feel him nod against your palm, before leaning in further to your touch. You give him an affectionate squeeze.

It’s not something you can ignore, his almost self destructive selflessness, you’ll both have to face it, and grow.

But for now, you can have a good date at the carnival and worry about tomorrow when it comes.

“It’s a shame you don’t wanna ride the Ferris wheel. I was hoping we could do that thing where we kiss when we get to the top.”

You can practically see the gears turning in Tim’s brain, the intensifying red on his face as his blush creeps down his neck.

“What if I win you that giant shark plushie instead? That’s better than a Ferris wheel ride.”

You grin, watching as he scans the games, already analyzing which one gives him the best advantage.

“I’ll consider a few kisses if you win.”