#and lowkey hoping no one notices lmaooooo

[querenciasturniolo]

headcannons ⮕ c.s.

a/n: i lowkey hate this LMAOOOOO but it’s okay. these are kinda chris x shy reader, chris in the talking stage, and dating chris all mixed in together, but only bc i have no idea what i’m doing and i tried my best PFFFFT. thank you to @rainsoakedphoenix for the idea, and the lovely anon in my inbox telling me they were excited to read them 😭 i hope i did hc justice, bc i genuinely have no idea how to do them LMAOO

❥ chris would be such a bad texter while you were talking. like, he’d keep the conversation going and always respond, but he wouldn’t ever know what to say until he felt the most at ease with you. his replies would still be dry as HELL, but he’d at least put the effort in bc he liked you lmaoo

❥ he’d notice IMMEDIATELY that you were extremely shy. he’d clock that shit so fast, and it’d become a joke between the two of you, before and after you were official.

❥ he would constantly be touching you, whether his hands were holding yours, his hand was on your lower back, his arm around your shoulders, etc. dude’s love language is TOUCH for sure.

❥ dude would constantly use your shyness against you, but never in a bad way ! he’d for sure hold eye contact with you just to make you blush, and tease you mercilessly about it until the two of you were cackling messes.

❥ as much as he said he’d call his girlfriend by her name, he’d be dropping pet names like it was NO ONE’S business

❥ “baby, will you grab that for me ?” “i didn’t mean it like that, sweetheart.” “there’s my girl.”

❥ constantly telling you to look at him when you were talking, just to tease you for being so flustered by him.

❥ “baby, look at me. i need you to look at me when you talk.”

❥ “are you blushing ? damn, i’m that good, huh ?”

❥ only referring to you as “my girl” around other people, just to see your reaction (you never get used to it, and he loves it)

❥ “oh yeah, my girl loves that movie.” “sorry, i have plans with my girl.”

❥ as much as he teased you, he never crossed any boundaries. the moment he noticed you were not having fun anymore, he’d shut it down and the two of you would leave

❥ always answering for you when you weren’t used to the person asking questions just yet, but you never minded

❥ you’d definitely tell him you loved him first, and then it’d be HIS turn to be flustered.

❥ “what did you say ? no, say it again.”

❥ dude would be an absolute bewildered mess, stuttering over his words and not being able to look at you until he calmed down.

❥ “you love me ?”

❥ he’d then just tackle you onto the couch and pepper kisses all over your face, relishing in the fact that your cheeks were heating up and you were giggling hysterically under him.

❥ remember how i said he would always be touching you ? that shit would double when you were out in public. whether it was a party, a premiere, a grocery store, etc. it was mostly a comfort thing, never letting go of you so you knew he was there. he of course noticed how antsy you got, which was just a perk for him.

❥ constantly making a fool of himself in public when you’re with him, just to see if he can get you out of your shell

❥ he’s actually shocked at how goofy you are when you’re around him, and as much as he acts hard, he’s so obsessed with the fact that you’re 100% comfortable with him

❥ a huge “let me see” guy when you tell him you bought something new, and then a “no, on you” when you only send him a picture of the outfit

❥ forehead kisses for daysssss

❥ dude kisses your nose more than he kisses your lips, but relishes in your pout before pecking you on the lips

❥ movie nights constantly, especially when your social battery is low

❥ “get over here” and holds out his arms i’m weak

❥ hugs you from behind every time you turn around, even when he just hugged you from the front. dude just likes resting his chin on your shoulder and seeing what you’re doing, but heaven forbid he ever lets go of you

tags: @strniolo , @toyourloves , @ssturniolo , @jellybeanbby , @thetriplets3 , @mxriverse , @stvrni0lo , @gabbylovesreading , @dwntwn-strnlo , @tylerscreat0r , @lvrsparadise , @angelcake-222 , @20nugs , @obsessivencrazy , @lollibumblebee , @stargirlv0id , @idontexistman , @emssturniolo

[catchyhuh]

KIDS!!

no not like what they were like AS kids. that's cute though i might do that later but anyway this is just how they are around children. you bring up canon i shoot you dead. now let’s get goin

lupin:

lupin LOVES kids. does that mean he’s good with them/should be trusted to watch them and keep them from accidentally dying? no

he’s expected to have them because. gestures. but he’s not really in a rush. he’s just kind of waiting for fate to do something. (he’s hoping fate will have something to do with fujiko giving his kid pretty incredible genes but the reality is he’d probably stumble across some embittered oliver twist adjacent kid and take them in)

the REALest reality is he’s just every child he runs into’s favorite uncle. he’s a horrible influence and you know kids LOVE that. holds them by their ankles, throws them like five feet into a pool, they LOVE it, and it horrifies every reasonable adult nearby. except his friends. they’ve grown immune to the terrifying sights that come with this guy.

jigen:

(pushing aside the new jigen thing just in case it makes this post age poorly) have you ever met someone who hates kids but children just love them

jigen hates it but he lowkey has some fatherly instincts within. lowkey. it’s faint though don’t expect him to offer to watch your kid for you but like any mildly decent human being he’s not going to let a child run into an electrical fence. usually though those same people don’t just start giving said kid a piggyback ride to guide them back to a more responsible party though but don’t ever bring it up to him

really i think it just comes from a soft spot for mildly vulnerable people. not an obligation he feels exactly just like. this child is miserable. if i made a stupid face, will the child continue to be miserable? granted, if the stupid face does not cheer up the kid, he’s not beating himself up about it either. i said kids LIKED him not that he was GOOD with them

fujiko:

very impartial. again, has the basic human decency to see a child clearly about to hurt themselves within arms reach and moves to stop them, but it’s like. does she care about that child’s hobbies, their favorite color, their latest minecraft build? uh No not really no

not above smiling and cooing over how cute babies are, but again, doesn’t mean SHE FUCKIN WANTS ONE LMAOOOOO it’s just that she has. eyes. if she thinks your baby is ugly on the other hand she won’t exactly TELL you so but her grin is noticeably forced and shes like. “what. an angel. wow. she’s really gonna break hearts someday i’m sure. wow.”

fujiko (pushing aside that fuckass movie) fujiko does not want kids. if she has a kid it’s someone else’s responsibility hands down. it’s not even that she’s afraid of the commitment OF a child (although that admittedly isn’t a thing she’s a fan of) she just knows for a fact that some people on this earth are not meant to be parents and by GOD is she NOT meant to be a parent. honestly it’s a self-awareness she wishes more people had.

goemon:

i have to be. completely candid here i’ve never really thought about this. but now that i am it’s very clear to me that goemon is the type of person who talks to a 5yo the same way you’d talk to a fully grown man and that’s hilarious

kids are always very interested by him in the like. “why are you so dressed up” “why do you talk like that” “is that a real sword” sense which tends to overwhelm him for a brief blip, but leave him with them for a half hour and come back and he’ll be showing them INSANE hide and seek techniques 

he simultaneously doesn’t understand children at all but is also capable of having fun with them. a big chunk of it depends on his current mood, but if they’re like, nice, pleasant kids, 9 times out of 10 he’ll do like. one cool thing for them just to see them go OWAOAAWW!! he can get a little silly with it. if the situation needs be.

zenigata:

do you guys hear that? that like. wooing trumpet noise. with a little bit of stomping in there? sounds like there’s an elephant in the room or something. anyways

kids either love or hate him immediately. like goemon it tends to revolve around his mood and the mood of the kid in question, because sometimes he goes from sulking about losing (again) to “Oh My God is that your baby? TWO weeks old? just two weeks old? that tiny?” in a heartbeat. conversely children also tend to find him very bullyable. either way they flock to this guy

if you had a six year old and you needed one of these five to watch it for like, three hours, zenigata is your safest bet, but that’s. NOT SAYING MUCH he’s just the only one who’s moderately prepared for like. kid fell down and started crying type things. kid doesn’t WANT to eat spaghetti for lunch but that’s what they have to eat. that type of deal. he puts on this calm but slightly stern tone and the kid's like . okay fine i'll eat it. it's very jarring for anyone who's seen the way he is normally omg that trumpeting is back what the hell is that noi

POINT IS he’s good with kids. not perfect (children imitate the behavior they see you know) but good enough. it’s backed up in canon! in fact it’s so backed up you might even say he might as well have a kid even,

I'M SORRY FOR THE JOKES I JUST CAN'T HELP IT

[minevn]

i feel like we as a society are sleeping TOO HARD on kei. he’s a sick, sick, individual and it feels like no one notices!!!!

honestly, it’s genius. his character by nature is DESIGNED to fall under the radar; always there, but never seen-type. love him so bad lowkey.

he’s, like, the 3rd(?) biggest yan of the game, CANONICALLY, and yet the people do not care 💔/j

bro is dangerous as hell, sorry. i cannot stop thinking about him. think with me. he was partners with mc— a person who really didn’t care for him—for a singular class project in high school and yet he switched around his entire life’s trajectory for them. he left everything behind; his future, his family, his sanity. all to seek the attention of someone who never glanced twice at him outside of the classroom.

chances are he knew how insane this was. when his parents screamed at him for letting his grades fall off the bone, there was probably a voice in his brain that was also shouting about how unreasonable he was being. and yet, despite all that, he pushed on. for some unclear, yet fascinating reason, it’s obvious that kei has no plans on stopping anything he’s doing until you’re his.

after meeting you, his mindset changed. and as it changed, so did his social circle. he went from the smartest kid in school to having “most likely to be jailed” written under him in the yearbook (credits to haruto, probably). okay ramble over! sorry your little guys literally won’t exit my head

final thoughts: he’s so cute. i want him.

LMAOOOOOOO nah fr fr though, I actually love him and have so much planned for him. I think honestly, he's one of my favorites??? at least at the moment. It's really fun to write him and to just think about him.

Yeah he's the 2nd most yandere, everyone is too focused on Yani(so valid though, love her<3) He's so slept on though :,( /hj There's like 2 people in the discord that have the Kei role, literally slept on so much LMAO. Still, I'm happy that you love him so much!

The urge to literally SPILL all of the info I have on Mine is insane, I cannot wait to share this story with everyone! It's definitely not the only or first vn to do this and I think I'm actually seeing a lot more vns do it but still, I have a bit more planned still so even if you guys find out early on there will still be some major plot twist! Anyways sorry, we're talking about Kei and I get so hyped about the plot of Mine LMAOOO he's so suspicious(I say as if I wasn't the one who made him)

I want to write so much more for this but I would be spilling so much lore LMAOOOOO Like fr though, Kei is slept on so much even though he's like one of the most important people to the plot. I've stated so many times how I write characters in most significance to the plot and how their routes are set up and Kei is just ignored. If any of you figure out the plot of Mine beforehand message me, if you get it right I have no reason not to tell you LOL However I totally understand wanting to play the game and figure out the plot yourself while playing, makes me feel big brain when I do that. But I actually love posts like this where it's psychoanalyzing characters and theorizing, it makes me so happy.

LMAOOO yeah, Haruto would do that. Tell you what, it was a shocker for Haruto and you when you two beat Kei who has been 1st in class since elementary school. He really threw everything away for you. Went from being loved by his parents, friends, and teachers to being rejected by everyone, including himself. No one has loved him for such a long time, he hopes you can change that <3

Yeeeees join us, one of us one of us one of us! love having them stuck in my head and it makes me so happy that others have my characters stuck in theirs!!

[the-kr8tor]

YEP OUR FAVOURITE VAMPIRE IS BACK!

True he's just a tiny baby (who bites)

Bro has to choose musk rat to feed on lmaooo

Lmaooooo 🤣 he did too!

In my second ipob wip (that has been sitting in my docs for months now so sorry) it actually explains why they haven't noticed the vampirism!

R is home wherever hobie is 🥺

YESSS IT WENT EXACTLY LIKE THAT

Ohoho 🤭

Yeah 😭😭 u get me so well

AHHHHH i bet it's so cozy!

👀👀 i love him too he's lowkey my favourite au to write for

R is straight up feeding him well ngl lol

Hehehhehe thank you!!!! I was giggling while writing that bit lol

YESSSS!!!! YOU GOT IT ALL RIGHT!! THEIR DYNAMIC IS SO SCRUMPTIOUS! let's just hope no one from R's large hunter family gets wind of their relationship 🤭

No, thank you for the wonderful idea!! Ipob hobie wouldn't exist without your initial prompt so thank you so much! Always a pleasure to write for you, bestie ❤️❤️❤️ awwwww that's the sweetest ever! I'm glad you loved it sm! 💕

Bloodbath

Pairing: Vampire! Hobie Brown x fem! Reader

Word count: 2.3k

Summary: Your vampire roommate accidentally gets drunk off of blood.

Tags: no use of Y/N, no specific physical description of the reader, vampire hunter! Reader, wwdits au, mockumentary trope, vampire au, set in the pursuit of blood au, cw blood, cw injury, cw suggestive, fluff.

In Pursuit of Blood Masterlist

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Octobie 🎸

A request from @al1x00 — May I have garlic cloves in a heart shaped bottle please? IPOB!Hobie accidentally drinking the blood of a drunk person and now R has to deal with an incoherent tipsy vampire.(Make sure you get some proper rest and drink lots of water! Ly😽❤) --- i could not pass this one up for the halloween theme it's literally so perfect! Thank you for requesting, angel!!!

“Hobie, no!” You yell just as when he's about to lunge at a poor runner, who's unfortunate enough to jog at night, who just happens to run past you and your very drunk vampire roommate in his enormously large bat form.

The camera pans towards the yelling, lenses zooming in, spotlights shining brightly on the man in the shortest running shorts known to mankind and his entire body floating five feet off the ground as Hobie's claws latch onto his shirt. His screams echo around the park, and Hobie's bat shrieks sound above it like an endless click of a ballpoint pen.

You glance at the camera with your wide desperate eyes, mouth agape and hand pointing at the situation. “Put. Him. Down!” Yelling, you jump up, trying to grab hold of the stranger's trainers. “You've had enough blood!”

The scene shifts to you looking disheveled, hair messed up with your cheek having an unmistakable claw scratch while you hoarsely talk to the camera crew.

“Motherfucker drunk from an incredibly inebriated CEO of a shady tech company.” You explain bluntly.

The lens zooms out of your exasperated face, camera showing you hugging the large shrieking bat in your arms with your jean jacket wrapped around his flailing form whilst he tries and fails to bite and scratch you. “I tried to warn him that the fucker had every drug and cocktail flowing in his veins. But noooo, no one ever fucking listens to me!” You shake him in your arms, making the annoyed and adrenaline filled bat yell in his high pitched shriek.

Hobie's face escapes his denim prison, long ears fluttering in the breeze and fangs in full display as he tries to take a chunk out of you. You manage to dodge his attacks, face turning as far away as you could.

With a crunch of leaves underfoot, the cameraman backs away when you accidentally shove your face in the lens. Panting, the man behind the camera makes sure to keep his distance away from you and the angry bat as it zeroes in on the bleeding corpse right behind you. The body's foot twitches, and the producer takes that as a sign to anonymously call an ambulance.

“Fuck!” You stomp your foot down, and the thousand year old vampire stops his twisting and turning to look up at you with his big red button eyes. Hobie makes a sound akin to a chirp, fangs sticking out from his lip. “We're going home, Hobie.”

He trills in your arms, fuzzy head nudging your chest. You can feel how incredibly warm he is under the denim jacket, a sure fire way to tell that he is still under the influence of…everything.

“Don't flash those pretty eyes at me, you little shit.” You start to walk towards his street, hugging him tight against your chest like a chihuahua gone wild. He sneers, and you realize that he's taking a peek into your head and he did not like that thought one bit. “Get out of your head!” You squeeze him in your arms.

Smirking, you flash an image into your mind of him wearing a fancy three piece suit with a look of sheer egotistical pleasure while counting wads of dirty money. He shouts gutturally, now regretting the little peep inside your mind. The sound makes a few passers by look at you weirdly. The entire camera crew following you around doesn't help. “It's a toy, mind your fucking business.” You say to one of them, making them walk faster away from you.

Sighing, you finally see the dark gothic house around the corner. Its spires just screams ‘there’s a vampire living here!’ and its stained glass windows, circular topiaries, and wrap around porch says that the person living inside wasn't born in the same century as anyone else living in the same street. You still have no idea how no one has noticed their thousand year old neighbor. You love the place though, it's home and you wouldn't have it any other way. Even though the pipes need to be replaced with ones that don't give you some type of rusted water related disease whenever you take a drink from the faucet.

Your trainers stomp on the porch, juggling in between carrying Hobat and getting your keys from your pockets. He tries to escape your hold, head wiggling out of the denim burrito you wrapped him in. You can feel his toes wiggling on your stomach. “Don't you dare, Hobart.” With a stern tone, he falls limp, chirping, sounding like a whine. “Don't be cute with me,” you struggle to find the right key in your carabiner. “we're almost there.” You say much softer this time when the door unlocks.

The second you open the door, Hobie wiggles out and then flies off into the house. He zigzags, making questionable turns as he flies under the influence with his large wings flapping about and accidentally swatting away hundred year old vases and furniture.

“I'll let him empty his energy before I try to sober him up.” You pinch the bridge of your nose, arms crossed as you watch him fly around with endearment. He looks and sounds adorable just squeaking and flying about.

Closing the door, the crew stands just behind you, capturing the perfect moment when Hobie, again, a thousand year old vampire with abilities beyond human comprehension and years of forgotten knowledge from fallen civilizations inside his mind, flies into the far end of the hall. Crashing into the mauve wallpaper, leaving a Hobat shaped mark of dried blood from his unfortunate victims.

His claws try to keep him on the wall but his bat body has run out of steam. He slides down the wall, claw marks dragging down and scratching the wallpaper.

You briskly walk towards him, concerned, you walk a bit slower to feign nonchalance in front of the camera. Once you make it to him, you bend at the waist to look down at his stretched out form. His wings are unfurled, belly up, and ears perked as he sees you in his vision.

“You done now, Hobie?”

With a puff of black smoke, he returns to his form. His legs are sticking up and folded against the wall, arms stretched out next to him with his lopsided grin thrown at you.

“‘ello, lovie.” He chuckles, or giggles more like, as he makes grabby hands up at you. “What am I doin' on the floor? We havin’ our fun time on the floor now?”

The camera crew looks at each other with furrowed brows and questions swirling in their heads. You spare them a look of embarrassment that quickly morphs into fake ignorance.

“Not today,” you say gently, his red eyes sparkling in the yellow light of the hallway. You always wonder why he chose yellow bulbs in some parts of the house including his room. You have a feeling it's because it reminds him of the unobtainable warmth of the sun. “You need your coffin.”

“Will you join me?” He asks, fingers flexing about as he beckons you over. You indulge him, leaning down to let him grasp at your jaw. Surprisingly, he holds you carefully like you're the most valuable thing in the house instead of all the artifacts he gathered throughout the centuries just laying about the home.

“You need to sober up, and you can't do that when I'm hogging all the space in the coffin.”

“That's why I keep tellin' you that we should get a bigger coffin that can fit the both of us together.” He brushes his thumb across your cold bitten lips. Gasping like he got a brilliant idea, he pats each of your cheek, squishing it in his hands, careful not to scratch you with his sharp nails. “We should buy one tomorrow!”

You chuckle, hands reaching up to bracelet your fingers around his wrists, grabbing them to make him unlatch himself off of you. “Okay, sleep first then we'll go out to look for one.”

A wide grin spreads across his face. “Really?”

You subtly (or think that it's subtle enough) kiss his pulse point where you would feel his heartbeat if his heart still beats against his chest. “Really, we'll get a red velvet lined one.”

“How about a coffin with a telly in it so you could watch your shows?”

You smile, “I'd like that. For now, shower first because you smell like the floor of a pub.”

“Still fit though, hm?” Hobie winks, but with his drunkenness, he looks like he's spasming. It earns a guffaw from you, finding it adorable.

“Very handsome, my—” you glance sideways at the camera still recording, you've forgotten about them for a second. Clearing your throat, you help him up on his feet. “Let's go before I puke.” Playing it cool, you still look like your pants fell down to your feet.

Even drunk off his mind, Hobie sees through it, arms snaking along your middle, putting a show in front of the camera by shoving his face into the crook of your neck. Not biting, just smiling against your flushed skin. You can feel his fangs poking and prodding at you playfully.

You curse silently, holding him properly and hiding your flustered expression from the camera as you turn your back from the crew.

—

Locking the bathroom door, you made sure that the camera crew had enough tea and biscuits in the dining room before walking upstairs to check on Hobie. The crews’ chatter echoing from the vents prove that they're well occupied and distracted. Turning around, you face Hobie with a soft smile as he lounges in the bubbly bathtub that smells like Halloween incarnate.

“How's the water?” You ask, closing the distance and sitting down on the closed lid of the toilet to look at him fondly.

Hobie places his cheek on top of the edge of the black bathtub, cheek squished on the porcelain. “Just right, love.” He smiles as steam rises from the water, condensation rising up to the forest coloured tiles, “and the children?”

“Occupied with my expensive biscuits from my godmother.” You place your chin on your palm, eyes flicking from his wet face down to his shimmering torso. “You seem to be having fun with my bath bomb.”

He chuckles, fangs peeking out from his lips. A sign that he's extremely happy, you know it well. “It's red!” With a handful of bath water, he pours it from above to show you its crimson hue. “You're such a big fan of me aren't you? Mimickin’ a fraction of my power.”

“You bathe in a tub full of blood? I don't remember you ever doing that, Hobart.” With a roll of your eyes, you stand up only to sit back down next to the tub. Sitting cross-legged, you place your arms on the cool edge of the porcelain, eyes staring up at Hobie with pure affection while your index finger swirls patterns in the glittery red water. “Sounds like a great bath though.”

“Says the vampire hunter.” He dabs a droplet of water onto the tip of your nose, watching it slowly drip down into the tub. “Stop it with the bloody Hobart, thought we got past that months ago.” He seems completely sober by now, the blood juice box (that may or may not have come from your veins) helped a lot in flushing his system. You always kept them fresh in his freezer next to your orange popsicles.

“Whatever you say, Hobat.” You wink, feeling relaxed with the warmth from the water and the cinnamon pumpkin smell.

Hobie smiles softly instead of scoffing like you thought he would. A single fang peeks out from under his lip, reminding you of an adorable cat. He reaches for your hand closest to him, and then slowly, he puts his head atop your hand, nuzzling close to you. Thumb brushing along your scratch mark on your cheek, he looks apologetic while he heals it with his touch alone. Literally, it's nonexistent now that he poured a fraction of his power atop your warm skin.

Your heart squeezes in your chest. “Just curious, can you turn into a cat?”

“Is that not in any of your tomes?” He raises a brow, red eyes hazy from the hot water and tender affection from you.

You shrug, laying your head down on your arm so that you're facing him adjacently. “I remember reading that it's a rare ability.”

“Yeah?” His eyes soften, leaning ever closer to you. You can feel his cold touch amidst the warmth of the water as his lips gently caress your jaw. From the tip of your jawline down to your chin, he kisses you with so much affection that your breath hitches in your throat and nothing in your mind remains but his lips upon your own. “Tell you what,” he says against your waiting lips. “I'll tell you in exchange for a proper kiss.” He didn't need to open his mouth to say those words to you, you can hear his deep voice in your mind. Whispering those words only for you.

“Deal,” you reply in your mind, and he grins, showing you his fangs that have never scared you. Sharp ends that have always been gentle against your soft skin, fangs that were meant to leave you bone dry, but he never does. Only leaving you woozy on your feet, happy that you've helped him, content in the arms of someone you were meant to kill— taught to kill. You're glad you didn't that day, that day you got close with your wooden stake mere inches away from his heart that you now adore.

He kisses you, and you don't mind the copper taste anymore as the kiss gets sweeter than ambrosia and as saccharine as nectar whilst he pulls you into the tub with him.

Support banner by @/cafekitsune

Custom banners by @the-shroom-garden

[sitonmyhot-seatoflove]

hi love! for the dialogue prompts, could you do 12 and 29 with whoever you feel fits best!

hi, there! I accidentally wrote a tad too much. and this took so long. I’m sorry!! I hope you like it.

12. “What are you thinking about?” and 29. “I’m not going anywhere.“

Joe Mazzello x Reader, fluff

word count: 1.8k

warnings: none, just some making out and unbearably sweet, tooth-rotting fluff

There are exactly 52 Sundays in the year 2019.

Neither of you is aware of this, but this is the fifteenth Sunday in a row you and Joe Mazzello have spent together. Quite miraculously, the two of you haven’t missed a single one since he’s gotten home from the Oscars.

The routine has been the same from the very first one. Four out of five times, you stay in your apartment, as his "is a trash heap,” in your words, and “never has any brioche,” in his. You always sleep in much later than he does. By the time you go looking for him, he’s always perched on your tiny kitchen table, working on his laptop. There is always a mug of coffee or strong, caffeinated tea only halfway drunk growing cold next to it as he types away. You always make the both of you french toast - with strawberries, if you’re “feeling frisky” - and he always divides his attention between you and the laptop, moving his workstation to your pullout couch where you both sit idly for the rest of the day.

When you walk out of your bedroom on the fifteenth Sunday, however, Joe is laying on your couch, legs swinging on the armrest, his phone placed face down on his soft tummy. He lightly scratches his sternum, playing with the few hairs that adorn his bony, pale chest. The corners of his lips are only slightly turned upwards, and you know instantly that he’s amusing himself with his thoughts, probably coming up with a bit or a joke for his script on the spot. Your stomach tightens at the homeliness of his sight, cause really, how long have you been doing this for, again?

The answer is at least fifteen Sundays, of course, but all you really know is that it’s been long enough for him to feel right at home on your second-hand pullout, smiling at himself, clad in nothing but a loose pair of boxer shorts. It’s an adorable sight, really, almost too soft to interrupt, but you let your curiosity get the best of you, and quickly walk over to give him an upside down peck on the nose.

“What are you thinking about?” You ask as he smiles widely, grabbing at his nose after you’ve kissed it.

“You, as a matter of fact.”

“Really? Why?”

“Okay, so, it’s really stupid,” he grabs his phone as he sits up and leans forward.

“Go on,” you sit beside him, on the arm of the couch, looking down at his phone with curiosity.

“I’ve been doing some research,” he leans forward, pressing one hand to your knee and squeezing, “and I think I’ve found the perfect gross nickname for you.” He enunciates the ‘perfect’, popping the 'p’ with the widest smile, eyebrows shot all the way up to his hairline. He’s giddy, you think, and giddy Joe is your absolute favorite.

“That’s great, babe!” You can’t help but mimic his excitement, eyebrows and all, but you don’t really understand where he’s coming from. “Remind me why I need a gross nickname, again?”

“So I can embarrass you, of course,” he states, voice deadly serious as if it’s the most obvious thing he’s ever told you.

“Right, of course.”

“Okay, so, hear me out. I have a list.” He replies too fast, eager to let you in on the joke, and starts reading off his list without being prompted. “Cuddlebaby.”

“Oh, that’s disgusting,” You get up and mock-vomit, and he follows you into the kitchen, not questioning your movements. While you busy yourself grabbing bowls and spoons, he sets down the strawberries, eggs, and brioche from inside the fridge on your counter without missing a beat. There it is, again, that pang in your chest, brought on by the smell of fresh strawberries and the familiarity that comes with it.

“Cutie Patootie.”

“You’re vile,” you try and keep your voice serious, though the itch of a smile makes your face tingle a little, and start making your breakfast.

“Snookums.”

“Positively vile,” you imitate him by over-enunciating the 'p’ in positive, playing along.

“Pumpkin.”

“You don’t even like pumpkin.”

“I like pumpkin spiced lattes,” he says, defensively.

“For real? Not, like, ironically?”

“One hundred percent non-ironically.” You shrug. “No? Okay. Honey bunny.”

“I just threw up in my mouth,” he exhales a tiny bit of laughter, and you know he’s struggling to keep somewhat serious just as much as you are.

“Hey, this one’s unusual. Wicky Poo.”

“Where’d you even find that one?”

“Hemingway, babe!” He sounds confused as to why you didn’t hold that information. “It’s what he called his third wife.”

“You calling me third wife material?” You turn on the stove, and you’re not facing him, but you know that’s put a smile on his face. “What corner of the internet were you even on?”

“Fine, too niche.” He slowly walks to watch over your work as you soak the bread in the egg mix, leaning on the counter next to you. “How about… Muffin?”

“See, I’m just gonna think that one’s about my muffin top.”

“So?” He drops his phone on the counter, walks up behind you and starts running his hands over your hips, squeezing lightly, fingertips grazing at the waistband of your pajama shorts underneath your thin tank top. “I like your muffin top,” he speaks into the crook of your neck.

“I know.” You smile, lips closed, trying not to give away how much you’re enjoying this, the feel of him dragging his nails over your stomach, the amusement in his voice, the fact that he’s trying so hard to make you laugh just because he can.

He pecks on your neck, just a graze of his lips, and follows it with a soft bite that has you jumping slightly. “Bae?”

“Oh, I’m gonna kill you,” he finally allows himself a full on giggle, dragging his fingertips back over your hips, a little faster, more determined this time. “What, Joey, that gets you going?”

“Maybe so,” he grabs at your hips with just an inch more force and pulls your body towards him as you gasp. “Sweetcheeks.” It’s so hard not to break out a full smile at that one, but you want to drag this on for as long as possible. “Monkey tush.”

You purse your lips trying not to laugh, moving back to your prep station so you can cut up the strawberries. He follows right behind you, hands splayed on the counter next to each side of your body, which is now completely pressed up against his. He clears his throat and licks his lips, pressing them, wet, and his breath, warm, over your ear, as the next piece of affection comes up from his throat like a growl.

“Poopsie.”

You can’t take it anymore and burst out laughing; he responds by grabbing hold of your face and pressing his lips onto yours. You close your eyes and kiss him back, nibbling at his bottom lip as he pulls you in forcefully and quickly, teeth clashing for a second while the strawberry juice from your fingertips stains his pink cheeks. The angle’s odd - he’s still behind you, trapping you between him and the counter - and you’re both smiling too wide for it to be comfortable, but his tongue still asks your lips - teeth - for permission and you let it caress your own, slow, languid, messy, with a touch too much saliva and so, so full of love. You couldn’t frown if you wanted to, and he lets out a little whine as you end your kiss too soon by pecking his lips several times in a row. You wipe the strawberry from his face with your thumb, his soft skin still looking flushed under yours.

“Poopsie. God, I hate you.”

“Jesus Christ, woman,” he pulls back and his eyebrows shoot up comically as he feigns shock, hand clutching at imaginary pearls. “If you tongue down someone you hate like that, what the hell do you do to the people you like?”

“Shut up and get me the cinnamon, Joseph.”

You both quickly finish up arranging your meal, grabbing plates, napkins, and maple syrup to bring over to the living area. You cozy up best as you can in the couch, him in between your legs, the massive plate of french toast in between his as you scroll through Netflix to find something equally as comforting for you two to watch.

Once you’ve settled on an early season of The Office - he voted for “any of the ones where Jim and Pam are still falling in love” - you’re able to finally enjoy your breakfast, careful to eat only with your right hand so you can use your left to scratch at Joe’s hair while you watch.

“Lovebug.” He says unprompted, not reading off his phone this time, and you don’t know if it’s the way he laughs whenever Kevin has a line, the way his eyes light up whenever Jim and Pam get a little bit closer to showing their feelings, or just the fact that he said it with his mouth full of your french toast, but you’ve never loved him more than right then and there.

“I kinda like that one,” you pause, crooking your neck a bit to look him in his eyes and you smile as you notice he’s got a tiny bit of maple syrup on his chin, “non-ironically.”

“Really? Huh.” His eyebrows shoot up for the umpteenth time that morning, but less dramatically than before. Genuinely surprised. “Noted, lovebug.”

It’s nearly the end of the episode as he makes to get up and clean the plates, a low, lazy groan coming up from the back of his throat as he stretches his spine.

“Hey, wicky poo.” You pull him backwards by the underwear, the band making a loud snap on his lower back. He places the plates on the coffee table and looks at you, eyebrows twisted in mild confusion. “Don’t leave, please? We’ll clean it up later.” He smiles wide and gets back to his spot before you even finish saying it, pulling on your legs a bit so that you’re lying down; you let out a little yelp and smile as you pull him back to you, chest to chest this time.

“Don’t worry, lovebug,” he says, voice low, as softly as he can as he settles back into your arms. Your throat grows thick, your body temperature jumping up as you cup his rosy face and feel the same exact warmth on his cheek. Your stomach tightens for the third time that day in the mildest, most delicious of pains. “I’m not going anywhere,” he whispers and you inhale deeply as his scruff gently scratches the curve of your neck. He’s right. Neither of you is going anywhere - not this Sunday, or the next.

[dopamindeficitdingo]

Sonya and Porfiry character dynamic headcanon

(fic-monologue below)

I have a hc about Raz and Dunya bringing even the old and physically off but mentally surely eloquent uncle Porfiry to Siberia with them (lmao i would watch Rodya's face when they finally meet again lmaooooo😂😂😂😂) Then Porfiry inherently has to meet Sonya, too.

I think they would befriend each other so soon because according to my hc they have a pretty lot in common☺️ First point is, i think, Sonya is a tee person, too. (About this, more infos later, mhm, @yvehattan?) And on an another but not less deep and spiritual level:

Porfiry is i think kinda atheist but he has a similarly humane opinion on psychology as Sonya has on faith. Also both of them are shy/socially really awkward people in society who are despite totally able to open up and be abstract and weirdly enthusiastic about topics, they only need to be in the right, safe places (rolled up in cosy blanket, sipping tee, together and alone at the same time, if possible). And as they notice it, they immediately become soulmates. (yeah!)

And i lowkey LOVE imagining their dynamic:

I think Porfiry is the person who is awake whole nights to explain how domestic abuse works (okay this could get unnecessarily postmodern at this point but i hope it won't)

Porfiry:

"Sonya it wasn't your fault - surely not. Yes. Yes, haven't i said yet? No, my dove, please, stop this. May i note, the word strong in this context is cruel and inappropriate. Sonya, dear Sonya. For God's sake. You were a child. You didn't need to be strong, you needed to be safe. Be careful with words, hehe, especially if you have talent to use them - and you have! Sure, hehe! Also you don't start to laugh in a demoralisingly hysterical way in the middle of any sentence! What a rhetorical advantage! Oh, my dove, Sonya. Are we now crying or laughing? You don't have to decide, this is called recovery, too. Or an other kind of hysteria than mine, hehe, you name it. Nah, you're more like laughing, aren't you? Oh, ahem, ehehe, sure, just hug me if needed. I have never had a daughter, bytheway. And as all of my conditions show - probably never will, hehe. Nah, who needs that ugly burocracy, of course you can be! Dear Sonya, dearest Sonya. Yes of course we don't have to erase this poor Semeon Marmeladov, too. We acknowledge what he gave and what he took from us and - no, it is not obligatory to forgive him if you don't feel like that. Don't blame anybody else either, i think... Except burocracy. The only thing we can blame with cold blood is burocracy, hehe. And... What? Pyotr Petrovi... Of course, burocracy and Pyotr Petrovich Luzhin! Holy shit that man - oppardon dear, it was unfortunately intentional. But anyway! This man is the only one i won't have a conversation with! Only if he pays my whole retirement!

[ahiijny]

my initial thoughts on Everything Everywhere All at Once

tl;dr banger film go watch

anyway spoilers below, be warned!

ok so my family wanted to go see a film and this was the only title I recognized from the list so I chose this one!

I did have a bit of foreknowledge about the film going into it:

some ppl I follow seemed to really like it

apparently it's really weird?

starring some Chinese actors

I saw that one fanny pack clip from the post with the scene analysis

also the lady apparently gets hot dogs for fingers at some point (???)

something something parallel universes

okay! so we ate some dinner and went out to catch the 10:05pm show

after like 15 minutes of ads, it finally started!

They're speaking Mandarin, woooo!!! I thought my mom would appreciate this (I was watching with my mom and two brothers; my sister was at a friend's place so she wasn't there. She should watch it tho it's gooood)

I did notice a slight accent in the Mandarin. My mom pointed out that most of the actors have Cantonese names, so this is probably why. The speaking was really good though, way more fluent than I could possibly hope to achieve lol

Also Evelyn and Waymond did that thing where they switched between Chinese and English a lot. i.e. speaking a bunch of sentences and then just randomly switching to the other language. And also some sentences are completely in Chinese, except for a couple of specific English words (e.g. "laundromat") substituted in. My parents do that a lot too!!! It was fairly common with Chinese friends who actually knew Chinese, too. e.g. "妈，我现在在mall了" c:

For some reason I thought they were owners of a restaurant. But oh okay, it's a laundromat, that makes sense too

Gay let’s goooooo

Okay when Evelyn mixed up the pronouns for Becky I was like “omg mormy this you” because my mom actually does that a lot!!! In Chinese he (他) and she (她) are both pronounced “ta” and so my mom sometimes (not often, just occasionally!) accidentally calls my brothers “she” or my sister “he”. And she always goes on the exact same line about “it sounds the same in Chinese” too! it’s her fr fr

When the granddad was like "your Chinese gets worse every day" to Joy I felt so called out lmaooooo. 我的中文很差 she’s me fr 😭😭😭😭😭

btw 公公 (gong gong) or the more formal 外公 (wai gong) mean maternal grandfather, but these are more commonly used in the South. Where my parents are from, I’m more familiar with 老爷 (lao ye) and 老奶 (lao nai) to refer to my mother’s parents.

Also interesting that the granddad speaks Cantonese but Evelyn and Waymond speak Mandarin.

That old guy with the gray hair in the laundromat is wayyyy too touchy feely with Evelyn kinda sussy if you ask me (maybe im just being paranoid)

Calling that lady big nose kinda r00d doncha think o.o

When he was going on about the “Alphaverse” in the elevator my thoughts immediately went to a different kinda of verse involving specific greek letters but dont worry about that

The broom closet ending is my favourite

Wait are they committing tax fraud???

tbh I side with Evenlyn here taxes are way more important than whatever mumbo jumbo universe stuff this AU Waymond is talking about (help)

That’s uh. That’s an interesting shaped trophy. Huh. Huh. 👀 (”Anal” get it haha)

Oh, the fanny pack scene. Okay from the clip on the tumblr I got the impression that these security guards were some villainous force about to apprehend our heroes and Waymond did a MVP to save their asses. But no actually this is completely our MCs fault Evelyn lowkey (highkey) punched an old lady in the face completely unprovoked and then Waymond somehow escalated the situation and made it worse instead of just deescalating and apologizing lmaoooo. You couldn’t have picked a worse time to jump in here???  help

(insert curse of balal joke here) COMMUNICATION PLS

Okay the verse jumping thing is pretty cooool, and the low-probability thing to activate a different life branching line thingy is also cool! The branching is cool, the fancy phone app thing is cool, I actually really love graph theory! like. Thinking about all the different branches your life could have taken. I wanna see more of this!!!

Okay and the thing where Alpha Waymond is actually still in a truck in the Alphaverse while trying to do things in this verse kinda gave me the Matrix vibes very cool very cool

//srs ok but fr the talk about divorce in the van um. it kinda hit hard? irl my parents are kinda going through a rough phase and it doesn’t seem to be getting better and I hope really hope they don’t divorce but um. yeah. kinda almost started crying, barely held myself back

IS THAT A FUCKING DILDO

“You have the most potential because you are the greatest failure out of all possible Evelyns” wow um. you couldn’t have phrased that a bit better lmao

WHY DO YOU HAVE A GUN

wtf do not swing ur doggo around like that he is not a weapon

I am trying not to cry while watching a grown woman trying to stop two grown men from jamming butt plugs up their asses (this makes sense in context) dsgfhdsghgfhgdhjjoij

When everything splintered even more they showed so many different Evelyns I was like ‘holy hell how long did it take to get all these different costumes’ and each individual one only showed for like a single frame. wow

They almost got me with the fakeout “the end” and premature end credits but I watched Chronicles of the Going Home Club and also I know this movie has three parts you won’t get me that easily

I love the rocks scene. Very avant-garde, and a nice little resting point in the middle of such a breakneck pace movie.

“Most universes are like this.” No life, just sand, just rocks. Daaaam.

The everything bagel. The dark circle (like on the tax papers as well). I feel like this is a metaphor for a certain thing 😥 ono. If it’s that, then this is suddenly even more heavy.

I have no idea what Waymond is saying to keep getting Evelyn off the hook with the tax people but honestly MVP. even non-Alphaverse Waymond is really a great person

Okay but running after the truck like that is just inefficient, you’ve got 2 sets of legs, but you’re wasting a good chunk of energy on unnecessarily hoisting an entire adult body off the ground. I know this is funny and all but also it’s inefficient and you’ll never get your raccoon friend back like this pls optimize more sdljkjgldgjdh

I am told that the piano keys pressed by the feet do not actually correspond with the musical notes heard

Okay but the “this is awkward” by Joy just makes it more real and this is actually really feels but im really glad they made up

GIRLFRIEND. (in Cantonese). YES.

(btw I don’t know any Cantonese so I have no idea how their pronunciation is so I’m just going to assume it’s great)

Wow part 3 is short

Okay, overall, I really enjoyed watching this movie! A solid 9.1/10!

When they said “everything” in the title, they really meant it lol. I really went through the full gamut of emotions while watching this movie, sometimes all at once! More mood whiplash than Symphogear episode 1! (some people may think this is a bad thing but honestly I don’t mind it lol)

The parallel universe stuff also really reminds me of Qualia the Purple, which was similarly mind-screwy. I love that series too.

It’s not perfect, because there are a lot of frustrating parts of the movie that could’ve been avoided if Alphaverse Waymond just explained things better, or if people actually communicated properly! Also I got severe secondhand cringe/embarrassment/social anxiety just seeing that whole situation in the IRS office and how they kept digging themselves into a deeper grave by assaulting various peoples. Imagine if the multiverse people suddenly dropped all contact and now mainverse Evelyn and Waymond have to explain all this to the authorities??? im horrified just by the thought of it fjlsjgfldjgkdflg

Also the Alphaverse Waymond explanations are interesting but honestly he could not have picked a worse time lmao. The whole time he was explaining stuff in the broom closet my mind was honestly going “ok this is interesting but the taxes pls tell me they’re going to figure out the taxes???” (as you may be able to tell I’m a boring adult dsfkjlgfdgjfg)

This is like me watching Squid Game and going “oh no, but what about the (illegal) organs” bc the TASK you know what I mean??? isjgdofidjf

And the whole thing about how Gong Gong was planning on killing his granddaughter. “she can’t be reasoned with” no you didn’t try hard enough try harder. This is probably a relevant allegory in and of itself; a breakdown in communications.

Closing Thoughts

Okay but nitpicks aside I actually did overall quite enjoy this film. I can see how this might be the film for everyone, though. My interests are very specific and this ended up hitting all the right buttons for me, but this might not be the case for everyone.

My older brother enjoyed it somewhat, gave it a 8/10. He seemed particularly interested in the bagel stuff, and kept prompting discussions about it afterwards lol. My mom didn’t like it as much. She did really enjoy the mother-daughter and other family stuff because that was real and relatable, but she didn’t seem to be as into the sci-fi or fighting stuff. She did find the scenes with the tax lady funny though, because she said she does have to do the taxes every year. When I asked her for a rating, she said it was half/half, gave it a 5/10. My little brother said he didn’t really like it, gave it a 3.3/10 at best. (But that’s fine, he didn’t like Symphogear either, so I guess our tastes just don’t really align that much 😅)

We did see the Shang-Chi movie last year, so I asked my family for their ratings on this movie as well for comparison (since also Chinese actors and relatable ABC stuff). My brothers gave this one a 7/10, but for my mom it was a 4/10.

When the sci-fi verse jumping stuff started coming in in the elevator scene, I thought it would shift from a more personal-scoped story to a broader, universe-threatening type of story. But I do like that it ended up circling on itself and ended up still being a family-scoped kind of story. No need to introduce like. Extra organizations or governments or random extradimensional threads. It works better when everything wraps around to still be related to the family.

This is maybe the reason why I also enjoyed Ryuusei no Rockman 1 more than Ryuusei no Rockman 2. in the first game, many of the newly created antagonists are directly related to Subaru’s close friends and adjacent neighbourhood, so it feels, closer, more personal of a story. The second game had various randos from foreign lands as antagonists, so I felt kinda less emotionally invested in the second game.

Y’know what I mean?

This is also a trap I hope Squid Game doesn’t fall into when season 2 comes out. Sure there’s this ORGANIZATION and BOSSES and CONSPIRACIES going on or whatever, but tbh it’s the family dynamics and interpersonal relationships that really drew me in in the first place, because those aspects were more relatable for me. I’m not as invested in this front man or these rich people doing rich and powerful people things, it’s just not as interesting to me. But maybe that’s just me.

Anyway enough rambling, I liked this movie, it is an EXPERIENCE. Definitely would rewatch. Graph theory verse jumping mechanics are super interesting, might explore these in some fanworks someday c:

Peace.

[asagrays-blog]

hey-o ! i’m eura ( 18, she/her ) and i reside within the pst timezone !! this is my first rp ( asdfjgkldrsjg ) && i’m so excited to rp with all of y’all ♡ i don’t really know what to say about me...i like cacti, spend way too much money on food, and stalk nasa’s social media. anyways, i’m gonna stop rambling about me and start talking about asa ! but if you ever want to plot, chat, or rant about conspiracy theories, hmu ♡♡

i don’t want you guys to have to try and decode the actual mess that is my application, so i’m just gonna give you the lowdown on my bby.

his name full-ass name is asa gray aurelio flores, but most people just call him asa bc it’s easier’

he’s a pisces & enjoys painting his nails various pastel colors

he’s from a p conservative family and he always did what he was told until the beginning of his sophomore year at penn u. 

his parents wanting him to pursue engineering, so he did for a year, until he decided that he was miserable doing it and decided to switch majors

his parents flipped and basically cut him off

so i decided to spice it up and give him a lil secret that nobody really knows bc....why not, u know ???

so his secret is that he’s a dancer/server at a p high-class gay gentleman’s club, called winchester’s, and he’s been doing that as a way to pay for his college tuition since his parents aren’t helping him out anymore. 

for any of yall that don’t know what a “gentleman’s club” is, it’s basically just a high class strip club for the guys that have those big $$$$

his stage name is orion, after the constellation bc why not

the strip joint club is a couple towns over bc he was scared of accidentally running into someone that he knows there ( *wink* connection idea *wink* ) 

he’s hoping to be able to “find himself” ( whatever that means ) at pennbrooke bc he’s never really been able to be himself when he was in san diego due to his parents. 

his current life plan is to graduate with a degree in fine arts and then travel the world as a volunteer art teacher bc it involved a few of the things he loves: helping people, art, and travel

personality-wise: he’s a v v v sweet boy. like, he’d do absolutely anything to make someone else smile, even if it means sacrificing something of his own. 

he’s also v optimistic, even if he doesn’t believe it himself, he’ll try his best to put on a brave face.

he’s also very awkward lmaooooo but he’s trying his best

his sims traits would be: absent-minded, socially awkward, good, artistic, and over-emotional

okayyy so for wanted connections, i may make a page later, but i’ll put some down rn 

someone who knows his secret - idk, maybe somehow, they find out that asa works at a gentleman’s club ( maybe they show up one night or see him exiting it or know someone who recognizes him idk ) and how they react can be decided. maybe they begin to blackmail asa??? maybe they try to talk to him about it and get to the bottom of it but asa completely avoids them ??? i really don’t know so let’s figure it out !

best friend(s) / squad - idk, this is p basic i guess.

muse - asa needs a lot more practice painting people ( he mainly paints landscapes ) so asa always calls this person up to model for him as he paints them. 

someone who manipulates him - he’s such a nice person and he’s so easy to take advantage of. he probably notices it, but is too nice to stop it

bad influence - p self explanatory ?? 

good influence - someone who asa really tries to make better. like, he really wants to be a good influence on this person but maybe they won’t let him. 

awkward bind date - maybe they were set up by a mutual friend on a blind date and it was not great lmaoooo, so now asa is awkward around said person & avoids them like the plague. maybe said person thought the date was great or also thought it was terrible, idk let’s plot it out.

crush ( pt.1 ) - asa has a crush on said person. asa’s all giddy and exxxxxtra awkward around them, but he can’t help it bc he just thinks they’re so cute. idk how the other person feels, maybe they know he likes them and just likes the attention, or maybe they don’t know and are worried that asa actually dislikes them since he’s extra awkward around them and lowkey avoids them

crush ( pt.2 ) - this person has a crush on asa. either he’s too dumb to see it or he just pretends not to notice to spare said person’s feelings.

ex - it can be on good or bad terms, i’m good with either. but asa hasn’t been in too many relationships, he’s always been too busy in school to maintain one & his parents were super against dating so he never really did it. we can figure out the other details while plotting i guess.

tbh when it comes to connections i’m down for anything, so if none of these float your boat, we can come up with something else ! i’m a huge ho for drama and plotting so we should totally do it!! like this if you want me to slide into your im’s or you can slide right into mine! i luh ya’ll !!

[zeonghan]

AAAHHH ANON!!! THIS IS!! TOO SEXUAL!!

lmao let’s do it

S. Coups

daddy is gonna nut 

he would b very shook at first real life mr krabs and then gradually he’d turn into a red hot mush he can’t even talk

OR when you start dancing he’s like oohhyeaahh but then you do a step wrong and he’s like hUH gets up himself and 1ups u rip. now u r the mushy hot mess how the tables have TURNED SON

tbh afterwards it wouldn’t be a big deal

i have been SAVING THIS GIF for a request like this lmaooooo i plan ahead B)

Jeonghan

would do his coil little smile u this little shit probably films it 

sometimes he adds the song to a playlist twice when you guys are alone “lets have fun and dance jagiya!11!!1!! oh wow! playboy by exo is playing!!!”

lowkey would brag about it to the boys bc lets be real he’s that kind of guy. but only to scoups and joshua bc the others are too young for SEXUAL CONTENT.

rip joshua and seungcheol. when they compliment u jeonghan gets mad, when they say they r uncomfortable jeonghan gets mad, when they dont comment at all jeonghan gETS MAD its a catch 22

Joshua

i know that most people depict him as this holy catholic Jisoos but like! he is a boy! who would really really like! his girlfriend to! dance to playboy by exo! more often!

has a really big grin on this face and probably sings or claps along omgthismarshmallow 

but like one time it played in the car when you guys were w the other boys and they have never seen joshua move so fast to literally slam down on the radio button lmao you weren’t even doing anything but now this song makes him feel a certain way

has daydreams about it

Jun

has no idea what’s happening? doesn’t even know that it’s playboy by exo? because he’s too busy looking at u :’)

he’s just watching at the start and then his pants get tight and he gets up to pin you against the wall and that’s all folks this is not an nsfw post no no but lowkey would feel you up and get really hot and bothered. do you guys have sex? probably

sexy dances all the time no, sexy dancing is your thing u guys r unstoppable no one wants to hang out with you guys anymore

but dont worry yall aint ott with the whole dirty dancing classy on the streets, nasty in the sheets

Hoshi

he’s actually so pure he would make the :o face and then he would make the face he makes when he watches other idols perform - you know the one

blushes a lot and probably wants to ask you to stop but it’s lowkey not even a sexy dance and he double thinks and then comes to a conclusion that he’s just a pervert like rip hoshi 2kSVT

he wouldn’t tell anyone about it bless his heart

next time you guys are hyped and dancing he’d probably play a shinee song and hope u dance to it the way you do to exo

Wonwoo

leaves the room but comes back but goes to the bathroom and doesn’t come out for a very long time lmao

when he’s back your dancing to a different song but still dancing so he puts it back to playboy and youre like what ??? but this boy is like shrugshrug idk i like the song shrugshrugshrug

but youre tired so you take a seat and he’s lowkey salty that you’re not dancing

because he really wants to see it again but he doesn’t wanna seem like that guy so he holds it in and sheds a tear

Woozi

stares the whole time kinda shamelessly but then when it’s over he looks away to hide his blush because he is a child inside

he probably swears a lot under his breath because he doesn’t want think of having sex w you bc he’s similar to wonwoo in the sense that he doesn’t want to seem like that guy

deletes playboy from his phone afterwards but then changes his mind and puts it back

considers writing a song with a similar mood because he is now digging this concept self-consciencely

DK

sunshine that doesn’t hide his emotions like thank god we have one son who can express his emotions shamelessly

ur number one fan “wooo!!1 shake it!! that’s it! you got this!! damn gguurrrlll!!!”

sings along to it but in an exaggerated hyper way although sometimes he’ll sing it in ways that make u melt while your dancing literally turns into some kind of angry memeing cause both of you are hyping each other up rip ur neighbours they just want one quiet night

the boys are scared to ride the same car as you two justin case playboy starts playing and that says a lot more than words can

Mingyu

you don’t know what you’re doing to him

he’s so excited like omg he’s the same as joshua as in he just wants you to sexy dance sometimes and he claps along

watches open mouthed but also a bit sheepishl. loves that it makes him feel scandalous lol

that one time someone actually walked in mingyu started screaming and standing and it literally scared the shit out of everyone because he’s a walking lamp post. really embarrassed about it and probably scarred and never wants to hear playboy again

been saving this gif too

Minghao

rip minghao doesn’t know what hit him so he is in total shock mode this is not a drill you don’t even notice he’s in shock mode

My Story: My Girlfriend Was A Sexy Dancer In Her Previous Life???

im sorry but i cant see minghao 100% enjoying it because he’s pure and tries to hide behind something, like he’d catch himself enjoying it and just be like ohmygod i have lost touch with Jisoos (im sorry its just such a spendable joke)

jun probably tells him its okay to like it bc u look hot and minghao becomes thughao like bro thats my girl you cant say shes hot u pervert

that camera is the something he hides behind lmao

Seungkwan

like DK but toned down because he would be half terrified

not because it’s too sexy or he’s too turnt but that he immediately thinks HOW DO I TOP THAT because divaboo is just as sexy as u and can sing the song a whole octave higher

when he joins in you don’t laugh, i mean you laugh but in a relaly good way that makes him happy and it makes him like youu 100x more because you don’t judge him and you get his humour and at the same time you make him feel happy

hhhhhhhh i just want him to be happy and loved

Vernon

kinda like minghao he doesn’t know what to do

might started uncontrollably smiling because he’s kind of flustered and kind of happy and kind of embarrassed

mouths the lyrics to the song and doesn’t take his eyes off you + maybe films it

uses the video he filmed of you to make a lit edit and you’re waiting to see it but it’s a crack video because we can’t trust this meme i can’t trust him you shouldn’t trust him - with videos of you dancing that is

Dino

this might count as nsfw so i won’t do him lmao

but im a shit so i’ll leave this because i can really see him saying this “oh my god, waaa, that’s my girl”

lmao is this nsfw? no it’s not. but is it? should just leave thesse to mod velvet lmao

mod kimchi!!

[tfw-no-tennis]

hunty x hunty cont

soooo we watched more! woohoo

we finished the hunter exam arc???? i THNK? lmaoooo at the end of the ep (21 i thiiiiink) we were on, satotz was like BUT THE HUNTER EXAM ISNT EVEN OVER YET or w/e lol aigh??? whats up w/that

anyways a lot happened in the last few eps that we watched....man i shouldve written this earlier but i litrelly havent been online. anyways

so during the hunter exam stage 4...gon is literally perfect (as i always have to say), him reuniting w/leorio and kurapika was rlly sweet :’) 

of course he immediately offered to help....goodest boy 

and wow that kid has such a powerful nose bvhjksfbjsk he rlly be a gr8 sniffer 

ok literally the part where leorio was in the cave and was like GON KURAPIKA DONT COME IN HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and they both full speed sprint into the cave with 0 hesitation.....we love a 0 brain cells family 

i love leorio so much he really just b running around w/a switchblade and a breifcase, both of which he barely used during the exam lmao

so bummed that leorio slicing up tht snake happened offscreen. how tf did that even work, he doesnt have a goddamn sword

gon just being able to hold his breath for almost 10 mins makes so much sense somehow...he rlly is one of those shounen protags who is just casually a ridiculous human being and doesnt even fully realize that its weird 

that shot of him carrying everyone out of the cave was so sweet

and of course gon vs snakes....hes so perfect....he trusts his friends so much :’) 

also random aside but im so glad tonpa is out and idk if i talked abt this in my prev post but i feel like in most shounen he wouldve been like, so inspired by gons shounen protag energy that he wouldve changed his tune and taken the exam genuinely and either passed or declared that hed definitely pass next year - but no, he was awful til the end, this aint that kind of story (yet...?) 

have i mentioned that i hate hisoka? cause i hate hisoka. nasty ass crusty clown bitch 

what else happened in the phase 4 stuff. oh yeah killua clowned on those triplet dudes (and hanzo lowkey), which was great

ok the opening not having changed this whole time is so funny. imagine if it never changed and its still basic and cheery when everything gets crazy and dark lmao 

ooh my god i forgot to mention this last time but i feel like gons backpack is full of hair gel and hair gel ONLY, he only brought hair gel and his fishing rod. this is canon ty 

oh gosh when killua and gon reunited at the end of the 4th stage....OOOUGH so precious...those two are so cute god. i want a compilation of their cute moments together i hope that exists 

GOD OH FUCK the scene on the airship where kurapika and gon talked bc gon was clearly bothered by something (what happened w/hisoka obvs. i hate that clown bitch) and OUGHHHH OH GOD gon crying LICHRALLY killed me oh man :( i was literally just chanting NO NO NO!!!! at the TV cause seeing tiny baby boy upset was so sad....and ik it gets soooo much worse oh god i cant handle it 

the whole convo was really good and really anti-shounen (once again...feel like thatll be a theme lmao) bc like, it was a healthy convo where gon talked honestly abt his feelings instead of using some shounen protag BS phrases like ‘it doesnt matter!!! ill be stronger next time!!!’ or w/e....and kurapika is a such a good parent oh man :( 

again, cant get over how genuine and uncomplicated the teamup of the main 4 characters has been....literally no ‘we’re competing and only teaming up for convenience/the hunter exam comes before our friendship’ nonsense 

did anything else happen on the airship. ider 

anyways. can i talk abt illumi now. CAN I TALK ABT ILLUMI NOW. H8 THAT BITCH. 

ok wait back up theres other stuff

the interviews w/the candidates was interesting! i love how the old dude was SO not picking up what Creepy Hisoka was putting down lmaooooo

that poor old guy lmao he seems like a decent dude, he was like oh i dont wanna fight gon and killua cause theyre kids,....RIP u red shirt legend 

the bracket setup was so interesting oh man....very funky and creative. and then it wasnt really fully utilized lol, i feel like thats indicative of a bigger patten - hxh so far has been really creative and interesting, and clearly uninterested in setting things up simply to check off boxes on a shounen tropes checklist....i can already see what makes it so great if this keeps up bc daym, so many shounen have their interesting themes drowned out by the overwhelming necessity for the plot to hit certain shounen story beats, smothering otherwise new/fresh ideas and rerouting them back into the same old over-trodden shounen trope territory 

on a meta level, i wonder if the author was like, allowed more leniency (’do whatever bro’) bc hed already been successful w/yu yu hakusho. i havent seen/ready yyh so idk how ‘typically shounen’ it is but thats st that im curious about 

aaanyways. the tournament starts w/hanzo beating up gon for THREE HOURS STRAIGHT. jesus dude. so yeah obviously leorio and kurapika are the best parents ever and them getting so righteously angry over seeing this happen to gon is so heartwarming and good and also a big big mood 

they love their son okay. also that was fucked up. ALSO i find it interesting that thats only the second time we’ve seen kurapikas eyes turn red 

i bet that hisoka saw that also and somethign something phantom troupe, see bottom of post in predictions section 

seeing gon get beat up like that made my heart hurt :( especially when hanzo broke his arm...oof. 

god also i cant believe hanzo is 18 hes literally bald hvbhjafbjs whats w/hxh and making everyone a teen or younger lmao god 

also omfg i love that leorio and kurapika are lichreally 19 and already have kids wow thats amazing especially considering their kids are 12. its so funny that theyre such Parents already considering that the age gap is kinda hilariously small, espec bc i thought that they (mostly leorio) were a lot older at first lmao 

the fact that gon gets to win that fight against hanzo was a legit shock to me....again, anti-shounen. we’d normally want to see what our protag can do in a fight - espec in a tournament-style arc where the consequences arent as high typically - so we’d want him to go further, which is easy here bc to move on he has to lose, which is easy bc gon is a baby w/no offensive capabilities (that we’ve seen)

god ive talked abt this already but its so fascinating how we havent really had any full-on fights???? espec w/the main 4 characters????? we still barely know what they can do....WE STILL HAVENT BEEN INTRODUCED TO NEN???? 

ive been spoiled (i guess?) to the existence of nen but thats abt it. what can it do? what is it? fuck if i know lmao. so i could totally see them pulling a ‘we were using nen the whole time’ w/like hisoka or st, OR a ‘YOU were using nen the whole time w/out realizing it’ w/gon

ok anyways. that hanzo fight was rough but also gon is literally the best. he was trying to bargain w/hanzo to figure out a way where they could come to a conclusion that would satisfy them both - despite hanzo clearly outmatching gon in skill, so the effort on hanzo’s part would be pointless and simply for gon’s benefit....basically the entire proposal sound ludicris and insulting to suggest (or st, idk how to phrase it), but since its gon of COURSE he only has the purest of intentions and means it so genuinely that you cant even be mad at him 

hanzo just knocking him out lmaoooo and then hes just out for the rest of the tournament???? thats so wild and...whatdya know....un-shounen! 

then he wakes up n his lil x-shaped forehead bandage....ough so cute

also the whole convo he and satotz had abt gon’s victory and hunter license and earning/deserving it was so good :’) 

also i feel like the show did a good job of humanizing characters like satotz. i legit thought he was a robot or st at first but it feels more like hes just A Guy now,....albeit a weird guy, but thats to be expected. its like, yeah this guy also took the hunter exam at one point, wow.

anways this is already long and i havent even gotten to the killua stuff yet lol so im gonna stop here for now. and introducing a new segment..........the prediction corner! where i dump my speculations/predictions, entirely for my future self’s benefit 

PREDICTIONS: 

first off as i alluded to above, i think that hisoka has some sort of connection to the phantom troupe (does he know them? maybe not, but he knows where to find them? idk) and when he saw kurapikas red eyes, was able to figure out that whole deal and said st to kurapika during that fight like ‘hey i can help you find the phantom troupe if you want :))))’ 

i kinda said this earlier but i predict that kurapika might get really wrapped up in revenge and go off the rails a bit. we’ll see, so far that hasnt really happened, but for some reason i kinda think that it will? we’ll see

i (incorrectly) predicted that killua would have known that illumi was there the whole time, considering that he was able to noticing the hunter exam dudes following him in phase 4, etc....but BOY was i wrong about that oof 

iiii think that the whole ‘the hunter exam isnt over yet!!!’ stuff will be an opportunity for killua to pass this year still, maybe? idk abt that tho 

i have more predictions but i forgot :( also some of them are more relevant to the next few eps ill make a post on