#and literally within the first album comeback they went to shit

[satanssquidgy]

Im genuinely sick of the disrespect towards yeosang by both fans and fucking kq themselves. What is it. Why do they hate him so much or disregard him i DONT GET IT. Yeosang is literally the sweetest most caring person in ateez and y'all treat him like fucking trash all the time and im sick of it i am SO sick of it please let the man breath. The way his smile dropped and those photos of him tearing up a but because his name wasn't called like fuck off kq what is wrong with this fucking company

[shinwhoohoo]

hi britt! i hope 2021 has been good to you so far! i just read that jinyoung was leaving link8? um wut? all this time i had believed it was *his* company that he started up before leaving wm. changes my opinions on him somewhat. i couldn't wait to read your thoughts lol i hope a shinwhoohoo word vomit is incoming. people in the replies were hoping for a bipo 10th anniversary ot5 reunion, now that baro's back from military service too.

hello~! ♡

Alright, time to dive right into this! (Bless you for wanting the word vomit!!)

So, yes, according to Tenasia who was the one to first drop the news (instead of LINK8... first of a few odd things) Jinyoung has ‘ended his contract with LINK8′... (in the midst of him still being in public service lol, another odd thing)... and is ‘seeking out a new agency while considering his comeback work’.

Let’s look at LINK8 and what’s been odd about the company. Jinyoung’s contract with WM initially expired around B1A4′s 7th anniversary, April 23rd, 2018. A 2 month extension was agreed upon due to a Japanese album release. LINK8 was established May 28th, 2018. Within a few weeks, Jinyoung had officially announced he was leaving WM, and soon followed up that he was signing with LINK8.

Why would Jinyoung, who at this point was pretty publicly well known as a composer and actor, sign with a company that literally was just created, with no other artists, no track record and no foundation? Jinyoung’s smart. He wants to get ahead. I truly don’t believe he’d take this risk, unless he had a personal stake in it. As in, he was a part of forming it. Now, I’ve never said he was like, the actual owner of LINK8-- but I have held the firm position that he was part of it’s inception. I think LINK8 was created with a small team that included Jinyoung, in the hopes of starting with him as their posterboy and eventually signing others and building themselves up into a small but functioning company. 

And I still hold this position. If Jinyoung wasn’t an essential part of this company and it’s founding, and just happened to solely be the first artist signed under LINK8, why wouldn’t the company have signed a new artist or done more work to stay active? If you look at their Instagram and Twitter, Jinyoung is literally the only one they ever posted about. And they haven’t kept active even with that while he’s been in the military. They only follow him. Their VLive channel is just as inactive. And the real kicker, the fact that their website has been down even before this news broke. When you go to their webpage, this is what you’ve been greeted with for some time now:

It basically says, “The site you are accessing has expired. If you are the site administrator, you can extend the service by going to Login>ManageMyService>ServiceExtension”. So... yeah. Doesn’t look too good.

What does this actually mean, though? Well, again, probably that Jinyoung wasn’t just an artist signed, but in fact an shareholder/co-founder/etc. however you want to put it. It just wouldn’t make much sense for LINK8 to completely throw in the towel, or at the very least, like I mentioned prior, not even try to recruit more artists.

And why did this all happen? If I had to guess, Jinyoung probably realized that he wasn’t getting anywhere with this (*coughs* his) company. Maybe he realized he bit off more than he could chew. That trying to start up a new company, in combination with crappy timing of getting your enlistment notice, thus rendering you inactive for the next year and a half, really isn’t an equation for success. He, along with the others who formed LINK8, I’m sure came to this agreement mutually. And, given the fact that no one has even kept the social media sites updated, were probably like, ‘eh shit, just let another news site report about it, there’s no point in us being the ones to break the news first’. This also makes sense then, why Jinyoung could just randomly ‘end’ his contract in February of 2020 when he first signed in June of 2018. Like, most contracts tend to go by years, ya know? Not a year and 8 months. No artist is walking in a signing a year and 8 month contract.

I’ll take a breather for a moment and play a bit of devil’s advocate. 

Could Jinyoung just have taken the big risk of signing with a (very) newly formed company, and just been their first artist? Sure, then again, this risk of not knowing how LINK8 will treat their artists seems to contradict the reasons why he left WM in the first place. But yeah, it’s a possibility. 

Could LINK8 just have folded because after they signed Jinyoung, they weren’t able to sign a single other person, and once Jinyoung was assigned public service, just decided to do nothing, make no moves, keep their SNS near silent, and eventually just go under, thus rendering Jinyoung’s contract obsolete? Sure, again this is a possibility, but why wouldn’t a company at least try to stay afloat? And let’s not even get into the fact that the SNS posts LINK8 did make when active, or the fanmeets they held, seemed to always shade WM. (Fly More, anyone?) Why would LINK8, if they were just a new company not ran by someone who left WM, feel the need to shade WM? They wouldn’t. Jinyoung would though. Finally, It also makes the statement that was published by Tenasia not completely accurate since he is said to be ending his contract by his own choice. But hey, Jinyoung’s lied before! (I swear I don’t mean to be shady when I type that lmaoo). 

Yeah, I just can’t get behind him not having a major role in LINK8; not being more than an ‘artist signed’.

Now, one last thing to address. The people on Twitter (from what I’ve seen) hoping this means B1A4 will reunite as 5 for their 10th anniversary... lol ok. Let me say, I would LOVE for this to happen. Really. I’d cry. But... we have to be realistic here. Not to be a broken record about this, but we all have seen how torn apart Shindeulchan were about Bayoung leaving, and more so, how they went about leaving. We’ve seen their tears, their anxieties and fears. We’ve also seen that since then, besides Baro liking some posts (which I’ll take any interaction crumbs I can lol) nothing else. Especially nothing from Jinyoung. I know the timing looks good, with Baro having finished his army service, and Jinyoung scheduled to finish his public service April 19th... but I mean c’mon. What do we realistically think the chances are of Shindeulchan just being completely over and OK with Bayoung (*coughs* Jinyoung) joining up with them, all together, in person, when we’ve seen nothing, to celebrate their 10th anniversary? Maybe Jinyoung will post something himself about the anniversary. But I wouldn’t expect more than that. And if you actually go to the source article of Tenasia, when it refers to Jinyoung’s ‘comeback work’ it’s talking about his acting. The rough translation I could gather is ‘[Jinyoung] is currently reviewing  his next work to resume his activities as an actor.’ Not to rejoin Bipo.

I always like to end these critical word vomits with an ‘anything’s possible~!!’ and yes, anything is. Maybe something good will come out of this. Maybe this will give the opportunity for the boys to meet up and make amends. I hope so, that’d be nice. But in the meantime, let’s just take this as Jinyoung basically realizing that starting in a new company, if not helping to start the company itself, is hard work. That maybe his critiques and reasons for just peacing out of WM the way he did were a bit out of line. 

Hindsight is always 20/20 though.

[callmecayce]

Happy Donghae Day!

2011 | 2012 | 2013 | 2014 | 2015 | 2016 | 2017

Today marks the seventh annual Donghae Day. That is, it’s been seven years that I’ve been a kpop fan. This year also marked my two-year anniversary at my full time job (for those who don’t know, prior to 2016, I had been working two jobs for almost nine years). Not everything has been good, the state of the world gets worse, we lost three idols from groups I love, as well as author/chef who meant a lot to me personally. But it hasn’t all been bad or sad, it has been like so much of life - full of everything. 

My journey into kpop started with this post and has continued forward ever since. The links above are all of my previous Donghae Day posts, including the original reblog. This day has become more than just the simple reminder of my love of kpop. Instead it has become a celebration of the things, and the people, that I love. To me, Donghae Day, like kpop, isn’t just about the music or the idols. It’s about everything that comes with that - it’s about friends, food, love, life, and joy. It’s understanding that kpop is more than just an escape from the shittiness that is the world today. I am forever grateful for that Donghae gifset and for everything that has come after - from the music itself, to the tv shows, to the concerts, to all of the friends of I have made. 

Before I get into the really fun stuff - I want to take a moment to talk about those friends. People talk shit about women who like pop music, they judge you for liking cute boys, for writing fanfic, for listening to music, going to concerts, buying plushies/albums/whatever. But none of that matters, not really. What does matter? All these people I’ve become friends with. Over the past year (Donghae Day year as well as 2018) I have made friends with so many new people - some close friends, some not - and it is wonderful. This, to me, is at the heart of what I love about kpop and is deeply important to understand why Donghae Day is so important. Of all the things I love about kpop, it is my friendships that are the single best part. So, to all of my friends (kpop fans and non fans alike), I love you all. Thank you for being amazing people. ❤️❤️

And now … the fun stuff!

So, you say, seven years? And I say: FUCK YEAH, SEVEN YEARS!!! 

What has happened since last year’s Donghae Day? A LOT and sort of not much at all. Kpop-related, there were two really big events for me. One of the was that @namjoonrecyclables and I went to Chicago to see VAV! It was a fantastic concert, though we both realized that we’re getting too old (lol) to drive down to Chicago the same day as the show. It’s also the only concert we’ve been to in 2018 and our wallets are grateful. The other thing that happened was that I flew out to Colorado to see @jillwandersen after not having seen her since the concert in 2014. It was also quite a lot of fun. 

A lot of smaller things have happened this year. As I said above, I’ve made new friends. I’ve also gotten into a ton of new (and not so new) groups that I am trying to learn. I also bias way too many people (the list is ever-growing). I finally admitted that my favorite groups (aside from Speed) are Seventeen and SHINee. My husband is still there, though he’s left BAP. My boyfriend list has held steady (though this may be changing - read: growing). 

I also made this playlist, called Everything’s Gonna Be Okay. It’s 20 tracks long (for now) and about an hour and 12 minutes long. You can find it on YouTube and Spotify. Please, enjoy.

Last year I talked about all the nugu/underrated groups that I love - but I can’t do that this year. Not because there aren’t any, but because there are too many. I was talking to @killerzebras (also known as my sister) the other day about why I love kpop. She told me I didn’t need to justify why I loved it, but it got me thinking about what it is that keeps me loving kpop. I am really good at loving things, but it tends to be fleeting (for many reasons, most of them perfectly reasonable) - but kpop? My love for kpop appears stronger than even my love for pro-cycling, which, for a time, I thought nothing could break (that is another post for another time and probably not on here). 

I think there are two huge reasons why I continue to adore kpop. The first is because of the friends I’ve made, as long as I have friends who love kpop, I will keep loving it, too - sharing is something I have slowly learned to love and, within the passed year, have worked on embracing. The second reason is that there is always new content. People often talk about the fact that their fandoms (books, movies, tv shows) only have limited content and often the endings are just that - endings. That works for some people, but not for me. Kpop is different (again, for me), it is, for now, the gift that keeps on giving. I get new groups to love (my heart is forever big enough), new idols to care about, new music to listen to, and the groups I already love give me more music. There is always, always something new to love while still loving what has already been. It’s not all unicorns and candy, sometimes it’s heartbreak, but there’s always something for me to love. 

I’m sure that there are quite a few things I’ve forgotten to talk about this year, but this post is already way too long. Therefore I want to talk about two (hilarious) moments in 2018. The first is the release of Infinite’s song, Tell Me, and their comeback in January. Some of you know that for many years I was not a fan of Dongwoo, for various (and dumb) reasons. However, 2018 became the year that I turned into a Dongwoo fan. 

I mean, really. How did I resist for so long? Thanks, 2018 Infinite comeback, for changing me.

The second … the second thing is something I am still embarrassed about even while having embraced it. It is something that several of my friends (especially @namjoonrecyclables) have been waiting for literally ever to happen. I have, somehow, after all these years, become a proper fan of EXO. Why, you ask? WELL, THAT’S A GREAT QUESTION. And the answer is as equally as embarrassing - it’s because of a stupid Soompi EXO quiz. You think I’m joking, but I’m not. Google said, hey you like Soompi and kpop quizzes, why don’t you take this What’s Your Relationship With EXO? quiz and I said no, but also why not. I mean, I can’t count and didn’t notice that it was just the current EXO members in the picture (it was early in the morning and I didn’t look too closely and I like quizzes … ) and so I took it and then this happened:

Look, I’m not saying it was a good idea. In fact, it was a terrible idea and I joked about it and then SM released the We Young MV with Chanyeol and Sehun and even while I love that song I joked some more because it was funny, right? Me, stanning someone in EXO just because a Soompi quiz told me to. Except … I kept joking about it and everyone who knows me knows that my biggest kpop weakness is soft rappers and @namjoonrecyclables told me (on purpose, for which I love her) that Chanyeol is a soft rapper and I was like no. But also, wait he is? And then, because I’m me, I took another quiz and it confirmed the first Soompi quiz and then I was like, this is embarrassing as fuck but why not embrace it and now, HERE I AM. 

I love Chanyeol. I bias Chanyeol. And I’m an EXO fan. I think I need help because no one knows who I am anymore. But, honestly, that’s fine. So, I guess, thanks for that Soompi.

This year’s Donghae Day is on a Friday, which means it is a full-ass day packed with stuff. @namjoonrecyclables and I have both taken the day off from work (yay!). We’re watching kpop mvs and a kdrama. We’re going out to lunch and doing more of the same. Then my friend H and I are going out for dinner and to see a movie. Why? Because we can. Because it’s Donghae Day. 

Seven years is a long time. It’s the seven-year curse year not for me (I hope!), but for groups that debuted the year I got into kpop. Of the ones that debuted in 2011, these are the ones I love: B1A4, Boyfriend, and Myname. Myname debuted a few weeks after I got into kpop, it’s so wild. We’re all still around, hopefully for longer than seven years. 

Donghae Day is about all of this. It’s about having fun, it’s about loving the things you love so much that sometimes it hurts. It’s about doing what you love and being with people you love, and it’s about living. 

I say this every year, but I don’t know where I’ll be in a year. Will I even still be a kpop fan? The trend so far seems to be yes, of course! But you can never rule anything out. Which is why I love to pour my heart into being a kpop fan. Nothing lasts for ever, but I’m going to love kpop for along as I can with as much of my heart as I can. 

I want to thank you all for accompanying me on this journey - whether you’re a kpop fan or just someone in my life who tolerates my love. Thank you all and here’s to many, many more Donghae Days if that’s what the future holds for all of us. 

[artificialqueens]

Say You Won’t Let Go Part 5 (Biadore) - Fucking Awful

A/N: No fan fare, no excuses. Just an apologetic author who finally got her hands on a computer.

For those joining this party now – here’s the link to the first installments:

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4

Welcome to the post-All Stars landslide, kids. Let’s cry together. 

Say you won’t let go.

October 2015. Danny was locked in the guestroom of his mom’s house in Azusa, writing. He had only a few days left of recording in the studio, so he needed to focus on finishing up the last few songs of the new album before he ran out of time and money.

The album – he and the producers decided it would be called After Party – was coming along really well. His team was pleased that it had plenty of upbeat and synth-y tracks that they hoped might get him into radio play, and Danny was already storyboarding the lead single music video.

And as for those moodier, melancholy tracks Danny was hoping to write earlier in the summer – those came in spades after “The Incident.”

Danny used “The Incident” as mental shorthand for Roy’s housewarming party; calling it something neutral took away its power over him…and kept him from having to decide whether it was his own breakup or Roy’s hookup that upset him the most. As soon as he got home that night, he wrote the lyrics for “I Can’t Love You” on the first takeout napkin he could find. He spent the next few days perfecting the melody to fit his words – the opposite of his usual work pattern – and had the track laid down within the week. “I.C.U.” came next, after waking up in a cold sweat from a dream where he was chasing some kind of glowing light in a sea of darkness. He got that one done just a few weeks later.

Then he broke for All Stars. Literally, broke. Danny didn’t last 3 days back at Drag Race, but that was going to be common knowledge eventually. He went in as a confident artist healing from a breakup and the less-than-year-old death of his father, and he came out a shaken chiona with fresh wounds where all his Band-Aids had been.

Luckily this gave him yet another treasure trove of sadness and disappointment, from which he pulled out two more real gut-wrenchers like “Save Your Breath.”  Danny wanted some really dark stuff on this album, and Life sure as hell gave him something to write about. Music was therapy, just as it always had been.

Music also gave Danny an excuse to hide. That was why he was holed up in Azusa, going nowhere but the studio and the house, because he was working on the album – definitely not because he didn’t know how to deal with his friends after The Incident and his All Stars freak out. Danny hadn’t seen anyone but Bonnie and her boyfriend in weeks, and he’d only spoken to Chris over the phone.

Isolation agreed with him. He working on the chorus of one of his bubblier tracks when his phone vibrated. In the zone and unwilling to be distracted, he ignored it. But, much like that crazy bitch from Fatal Attraction, the iPhone would not be ignored, Dan. Periodic vibes became constant buzzing, moving from short text alerts to the long drone of disregarded calls. After a sold 20 minutes of all out iPhone assault, he couldn’t take it anymore.

“Jesus Christ, what the fuck?!” Danny yelled into his phone, picking it up without checking the caller. “Is the Goddamn universe ending?” He had been off in his own creative world, and resented whoever was pulling him back into the real one.

After a long second of silence, a hoarse but recognizable voice spoke. “See, where was this type of anger and hate 2 years ago? Damn, you could’ve at least given me some real competition with that shit.”

Danny froze. Roy.

“Uh, I…Wha…I…” Danny stuttered, hard. He didn’t have a comeback, partially because he was coming down from his moment of rage and partially because he was so surprised to hear that voice.

“That’s more like it. Confused and adorable. How’s my pussyfart doing? Why haven’t you called me? How have you been?“

Confused was right. Why is Roy calling? Danny told him he’d be gone for 10 weeks to do All Stars, but it had barely been 5.

And Roy sounded weird. There was this thing he did with his voice when he was straining to be nice - it got quiet and soft, like he was speaking to a baby bird, and it sounded almost an octave higher. Normally it made Danny laugh, because it sounded so ridiculous in comparison to Roy’s normal voice and reminded him that Roy never understood how warm and comforting he could be without even trying. But in this moment it was unsettling, because he didn’t know why Roy was speaking to him like that.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to yell. You just surprised me, why are you calling me ri – ” Danny realized it all at once. His fucking mom called Roy and told him what happened at All Stars, that was the only possible explanation. Confusion turned into anger and embarrassment. “Did my fucking mother call you and tell you about All Stars? Oh my God, I am not a child anymore. Jesus Christ, she called you and told you I – ”

“Whoa there, calm your tits kid. She didn’t tell me anything more than you’re back home in Azusa a little earlier than expected, and that she’s worried about you holing yourself up in the studio.”

Danny had set the phone down and was rubbing his face. “Fuuuuuck.”

After a few seconds of silence and a deep breath, he picked the phone back up. “Oh my fucking God, I’m sorry she called you. I am so mort - no, I am fine. I am so totally fine. I don’t know what the hell the woman formerly known as my mother was thinking, but seriously everything is ok. Great. It’s fucking spectacular.”

Danny knew the sarcasm in his voice wasn’t thick enough to cover up how exactly not-at-all-ok he actually was, but he thought he could trust Roy enough to just drop it until he chose to elaborate. He was right.

“Clearly, you sound so balanced and even-keeled right now.” Roy was returning the thick sarcasm in kind. “Look, your mama loves you and knows I’m the only motherfucker around here who can pull you outta whatever fucked up funk you’ve gotten yourself into after being sent home.”

Danny tried to interrupt. Sent home? He must be confused. “No, Roy I -”

But Roy cut him off at the pass. “Just shush and listen to your elders for a second. Cocooning yourself off in your own little sorrow…cocoon, fuck I can’t think of another word…anyway that isn’t going to do you any good. Let’s get out and do something, I’m coming to pick you up in an hour or however long it takes me to drive from Hollywood to ass-fuck Azusa. Just do what I say and for the love of God take a shower before you’re back out in public.”

And with a click, the call ended.

Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Roy didn’t know how he went home. He thought he got kicked off early and that’s why he was sad. Not because he pussied out within 48 hours and left after crying to Michelle and RuPaul on national television. Not because he couldn’t handle harsh criticism from That’s So Raven. Not because he was so emotionally shattered over other events and wasn’t able to focus on a stupid TV competition. And not because he was too scared to fail so he quit instead.

All things I will now have the pleasure of explaining to Bianca fucking Del Rio. To say Danny wasn’t looking forward to that part was about the understatement of his lifetime. But at least I get to see Roy. And that thought made it all ok again.

So Danny sighed, stood up, and shuffled upstairs to shower - shouting and cursing at Bonnie with every other step, and smiling in between.

…

Roy showed about an hour later, around 4 in the afternoon. He came to the door and hugged Bonnie - Bonnie the traitor, as a still slightly angry Danny thought of her - before grabbing Danny out from behind her and pulling him into a hug.

The hug seemed to defy all rules of space and time. It was bone-crushing at the same time as it was soft and warm. It gave Danny goosebumps and made his chest tense up, but it also sent waves of relaxation down his spine and made his head buzz like it was full of fireflies. It went on forever, but was over way too soon.

“Hey kiddo, how ya doin?” Roy said quietly to Danny as he slowly disengaged from the embrace, gently stroking Danny up and down his back while he did so.

Danny let silence hang, and then it hung for too long. When he realized the pause was getting dramatic, he nearly screeched his next words.

“Better now that mommy called a clown to cheer me up.” He was trying desperately to make a joke. The situation was becoming far to sincere and intimate and confusing for his brain to process, and he was just trying to find an eject button. “What, no balloons or giant shoes? I at least expected a piñata.”

“Oh god, you know I hate when you do that fucking chola voice.” Roy rolled his eyes, the spell of the moment broken. “C'mon you little brat, let’s go.” He bounded down the steps of the house and headed for his car.

“Careful, grandpa, you’ll break a hip! I don’t think Obamacare covers clown-related injuries on anyone over sixty!” Danny yelled after him, gathering the rest of his things from behind the door and trying to shoot a glance at his mom that simultaneously said Thank you and I hate you so much right now.

Roy was already in the car and backing out of the driveway when Danny turned around. “If you aren’t in this car in 30 seconds I’m leaving Delano. You better run - run like you’re chasin’ some of Detox’s trade.”

Danny sauntered slowly over to the car, swaying his hips just a little when he noticed Roy focusing a lot of attention on his body. He held his middle finger up all the while.

…

Roy drove Danny all the way back into LA. They spent the over-an-hour-long car ride catching up on all their quick-and-easy stuff: families, gigs, albums and tours, who of their friends had hooked up with who. It only veered into uncomfortable territory once - when Roy brought up the Handsome Blonde Man who haunted Danny’s dreams. Apparently he was named Tom and also now Roy’s boyfriend. Danny changed subjects as soon as the familiar aching feeling in his chest made his stomach hurt, sharply pivoting to talk about some ridiculous fight he and Chris had over Miley Cyrus. He made sure to fully dodge the other conversation bullet - All Stars - for the full drive.

They ended up at a record store in Silver Lake. Two stories of floor-to-ceiling vinyl, used and new, from beat up old soul 45’s to limited edition Bowie box sets to brand new Chance the Rapper albums.

“Do you actually come here?” Danny asked quizzically as he dug excitedly through a bin marked “Hole.” In all the years he’d known Roy, he’d never known him to be into vintage records. Clothes definitely, books maybe - but Danny had never seen so much as a framed album cover in Roy’s apartment.

Roy was a few rows over, casually flipping through the Musicals section. “Of course, I’m here all the time. It’s not that far from my house, and they have a really, uh, great selection, and there’s good coffee nearby, and over there they’ve got books…”

Danny scoffed. “You’re such a bad liar.” Roy had just done all of his lying “tells” - rambling in a weird cadence, going into unnecessary detail, and not making eye contact.

“What?” Roy kept his eyes on the Rogers and Hammerstein. “I am not, you don’t know everything about me, Daniel. I could be here every fucking week buying records for my…” He trailed off.

“For what? Tell me what you play these on, Mr. DJ.” Danny put a hand on his hip and stared challengingly at Roy.

This was fun, he loved catching Roy in a mistake. Their natural relationship dynamic always made him feel like he was at a disadvantage - as if Roy was smart and he was dumb, Roy was successful and he was a fuck up - so Danny seized on any opportunity to reassure him that they were equal. Especially since he knew he was about to tip his own scales back towards ‘fuck up’ whenever Roy decided to finally ask about All Stars.

“My record player, it’s a…um…it’s…oh fuck it.” Roy stopped pretending to look at through the showtunes stacks and rolled his eyes at Danny. “No, I’ve literally never been here before. I asked Raja for a good place to go for music today and this is what I got. Not bad though, huh?”

Danny was surprised by how quickly Roy gave up. Usually there was at least some kind of fun back-and-forth fighting over who was right, or trying to cover up what they didn’t know, or just full on teasing.

“Why? You always listen to everything on those ugly ass Beats headphones anyway, what would you want with a record?”

There were only a few seconds of awkward silence, but Danny would’ve sworn it was a solid minute.

“I wanted to bring you somewhere to take your mind of things, and I know you love record stores.” Roy looked at Danny with that same sincerity from the hug on the front porch. “I figured you could use the distraction.”

And once again, it made Danny’s heart beat wild. Not because Roy was looking at him with genuine care and compassion. No, of course not.

And not because Roy was willing to sacrifice his very limited time off to do something he knew only Danny would enjoy, and that wasn’t something people did normal friends.

Nope, definitely not. It was certainly because Danny was just afraid to tell him about All Stars, that he wasn’t kicked off but instead made the decision to walk away…

“Oh.” That was all Danny could muster.

They spent about 45 more minutes wandering the shop before the owner came out from behind the poster-littered cash wrap and told them both he’d be closing down for the night. Danny bought a new Lana Del Rey album and a beat-up bootleg of a Nine Inch Nails concert from the late 90’s. He was surprised when Roy followed behind to buy a book on Stevie Nicks’ impact on fashion - leave it to him to find a book about clothes in a warehouse full of music.

Danny was starving, and it was far enough past sunset that he didn’t feel like a senior citizen for suggesting dinner. Roy knew of a good Mexican place with strong margaritas a few doors down, and they headed over.

Two hours later, tacos were came and went, margaritas were inhaled like water, shots were knocked back at machine-gun pace, and Danny had officially exhausted all his small talk options. Oh, and also he was drunk. As fuck. In sum, officially out of ways to avoid talking about the elefante in the room.

“So Daniel Noriega.” Roy was slurring his words just a bit, but he was at least two notches less drunk than Danny.

It’s that fucking New Orleans thing, Danny thought to himself. Roy is like a fucking steel tank. He may as well be sober.

(He wasn’t.)

“It’s time to ‘fess up. What’d you wear to piss off Michelle so much that she shoved her fist up Ru’s ass and made him send you home?” Even when tipsy Roy knew how to be hateful. Shit, maybe even more so when he’d been drinking.

“Well, you cunt, it was actually that dress youuuuu -” Danny waved another shot of tequila under Roy’s nose as he gestured towards him “- gave me for the show. Did you and your precious new boyfriend just want to sabotage me?”

Roy grabbed the dangling shot from Danny’s hand and slammed it back. “No way, not possible. That dress was fucking beautiful, it was black and sexy and it sparkled, bitch.” Roy tried unsuccessfully to tongue pop, a sure sign he was getting more drunk by the second; only drunk Roy dug unironically into the Laganja-isms.

“Yeah, well, Michelle thought otherwise. She told me I had hogbody again.”

“What? That shady whore, I swear I -” Roy tried to interject but Danny talked over him, cutting off whatever tirade against Michelle he was about to launch.

“But it didn’t matter, it wasn’t about the dress. Not really, at least. It was about me. How I didn’t care. How I didn’t try, I don’t try, I never try.”

As he spoke, Danny began to feel an unfamiliar emotion in this story: anger. When he’d recounted it to Bonnie, and every time he’d gone through it in his own head, he’d only ever felt embarrassed and sad. But now he felt a fire in his stomach - no doubt fueled by tequila, but still.

“Who the fuck did she think she was, talking to me like that? I’m the fan-fucking-favorite of all time. Of any Drag Race season. EVER. And she thinks she can tell me I don’t care and I don’t try? And that goddamn Raven…”

Danny steamrolled over Roy whenever he tried to respond or ask a question. “Raven was there?”

There was no derailing him, though. The floodgates had been opened, and the weeks of anger Danny had been repressing now flooded out like blood through the halls of The Shining hotel.

“Michelle just made it ok for Raven Simon - Simone - Salmon - ugh, however you say her name. She fucking tore me to shreds for no fucking reason. What has she done since her Disney Channel show like a million years ago? Talk about a joke, someone who doesn’t do anything. Where the hell does she come off saying I’m a bad singer or that I’m fat or that I’m lazy and untalented…”

“She said what now?”

Danny was basically talking to himself at this point. “Screw both of them. They’re idiot fucking people with idiot fucking opinions.” He knew he didn’t mean it all - he loved Michelle like a father - but he just needed to say it.

“Well that’s a constructive, adult response to the situation.”

“Whatever, I’m glad I quit. I’m better than all that anyway.” Danny said it so confidently he almost believed himself.

The moment of drunk, anger-high reassurance was gone as soon as it came.

“You did what?” Roy looked at Danny in disbelief.

Danny was so surprised by Roy’s surprise - and so drunk from the tequila - that he didn’t think to sugar coat anything.

“I quit. They were cunts to me on the first day, so on the second day I quit.”

Uncomfortable silence crashed the party once again. Roy was just staring at him, his eyes slightly squinting and his focus darting around. It was like he was trying to compute whatever Danny had just said, and it went on unbearably long.

“I stood up for myself, Roy.” He couldn’t take the quiet stare, so he broke eye contact and directed his words at the empty shot glass he was idly spinning. Danny knew this made him look like a nervous little boy.

“It was the only thing I could’ve done. If you’d been there, you’d have told me to do the same thing.”

Roy’s expression didn’t change, but he looked away now, too. His eyes searched for the waiter, who he waved at aggressively. “Hi, excuse me. Hello!”

“Roy, I know I should’ve told –”

But Roy wasn’t listening. The waiter had arrived. “Can we get the check please? Actually, just take my card.” He fumbled for his wallet, yanked out his Amex, and threw it on the table. “Faster you bring that back, the bigger the tip.”

He then proceeded to pull out his phone and start dialing, continuing to ignore all Danny’s attempts to speak. It was freaky when Roy got like this, slipped into tunnel vision and disregarded everything around him. Danny knew it was his way of keeping his emotions in check. A Roy this focused was a Roy trying to keep cool.

“Look, I –”

“Justin? Hey, sorry if I woke you up.” Roy ignored Danny and spoke to the voice on the other end of the call.  “No, no I’m fine. I need a favor - can you come get my car from El Coyote and drive it home? I’m here with Danny and I’m too drunk to drive. I figured if you’re not out you could…Ok great, thanks. It’s in the valet, I’ll tell them you’re coming. We’re jumping in an Uber. You’re the best, Thunderfuck.”

The waiter came back and Roy signed for the bill. True to his word, he left a 50% tip.

“Come on, Danny. We’re leaving.” Roy acknowledged his presence for the first time in maybe 10 minutes, but still wouldn’t make eye contact. “Uber is outside, I can’t take you home so you’ll stay at my place. Tell Bonnie.”

“Um, I’m not a child going to a sleepover.” Given the childishly defiant way in which he was speaking, and the childishly ashamed way he’d just been sitting, Danny recognized his own deep hypocrisy. “You don’t get to order me around and –”

Roy stood up from the table and finally looked at Danny. “I don’t want to fight with you right now. Can we please just go?”

The exasperation in Roy’s voice was apparent, and it caught him off guard. Frustration, condescension, even anger - those would’ve made sense. But somehow he just looked sad and tired.

“Okay, sure.” Roy walked towards the exit, and Danny stood to follow.

…

The silent car ride gave Danny just enough time to spiral. Both he and Roy were staring out their windows, probably making the Uber driver think they had just gotten into a huge fight. Danny almost wished they had - at least Roy would be talking to him if they were fighting, and yelling at each other must be better than not speaking at all.

Instead, the absence of words led him down a rabbit hole of thought. Roy has never been this quiet, not with me. Is he that angry? Did I let him down that badly? He must’ve known I couldn’t get far without him, that I’d disappoint him in the end. Him, my mom, my fucking fans…

It was a particularly dark rabbit hole, and one he’d become deeply acquainted with since he left All Stars. He knew every nook of self-doubt, every cranny of anger, every pothole of depression. By the time the car pulled up to Roy’s place, Danny was approaching the final circle of his own personal hell.

Roy had been in his own head enough that he didn’t notice. Danny trailed behind him from the car to the elevator to the hallway, tears welling up all the while.  

Inside the apartment, Roy threw his keys on the table and walked straight towards his kitchen. He wasn’t watching Danny as he poured two giant glasses of water, but he began talking immediately.

“I’m trying to think of what to say here, Danny, but I’m just at a fucking loss. You left? You fucking left?” He still wasn’t yelling, but there was a tinge of annoyance in his tone that wasn’t there before.

“You’re so special, so talented and amazing. You couldn’t just believe that enough to tough it out and win? You know you would’ve won if you had just –”

The speech was cut off by Danny’s own sob. One heave, two heaves, and then a waterfall of breathes, apologies and shudders tumbling out while he leaned on the door for support. The combination of too much tequila, chased with a mixer of his own and Roy’s disappointment, was too much for Danny to handle.    

That caught Roy’s attention; he dropped his Brita and nearly jumped over the kitchen counter, sliding his hands around Danny’s waist just as he was about to collapse under the weight of his own crying.

“Oh, hey. Babe, shh.” Roy guided them over to the couch. “I didn’t mean to make you…I just don’t understand what happened. Help me understand what happened.” He was trying to talk to Danny, who was too busy trying to catch a deep breath between hiccuping and not inhaling tears.

“I - I’m so sorry - I let you down - and I’m - such a - shit - to everybody - I -” Danny got out 15 words before another wave of sobs. He and Roy had settled into a somewhat comfortable position on the couch - Roy seated, Danny resting his head on his left pec and soaking his shirt in the same spot. He took a few minutes to gather some words.

The steady beating of Roy’s heart under the weight of his head, matched with Roy’s in-rhythm stroking of his hair, eventually calmed him enough to speak again.

“Roy, I know I made a mistake. What they said, it just -”

“What did they say to you? Dan, you have to tell me.” Roy was trying to sound calm, but in a sharp tone that Danny could tell was holding back anger.

“I can’t, and you’ll see it eventually anyway. You’re going to think it’s so stupid, I just couldn’t take their shit after everything that happened this summer. I walked in there and I was ready to fall apart from the beginning. I had just had my fucking heart ripped out of my chest, and - ”

“Oh, babe. I thought you were okay with the breakup? You told us you were fine after he -”

Danny scoffed. That’s not what I meant, idiot. Obviously I mean you.

“No, I - it wasn’t that. I guess not. I just, I couldn’t handle knowing that I was going to end up disappointing everyone.” Danny could feel the tequila making him real ramble-y and real honest, but he couldn’t stop himself.

“The way Ru and Michelle were looking at me on that stage, like I had fallen from a pedestal or something. And Michelle, when we talked it was just, like, pity. I don’t know, it just like broke my brain to see how I failed them.” He paused to wipe his runny nose.

“And thinking about how I would let down my mom and my fans and you - I mean, letting down other people is one thing but when you know you can’t live up to the expectations of the person you’re in lo -”

Even in his most hammered of hammered states, Danny would’ve cut himself off before he finished saying the words “in love with.” But before he could self-censor, he was silenced by the violent change in Roy’s heartbeat. Just as he began the phrase, the pounding on the warm chest beneath him went from the rhythm of soft jazz to the thump of an Afrojack track.

“What?”

Danny didn’t respond, he didn’t know what to say. He was mesmerized by the heartbeat, afraid to speak in case the words he wanted to desperately to hide would come spilling out. This was not the time for this conversation - not while Roy had a boyfriend, while Danny was lying in his arms blubbering like a baby, while they were both drunk, while he wouldn’t get the response he so desperately wanted.  

But Roy wouldn’t abide the silence. “Dan, what were you going to -” Roy’s voice cracked, something it never did. And for some reason that made Danny cry all over again, all the way to sleep.

As he drifted off, tears rolling down his face, he would’ve sworn he felt some falling on the top of his head like rain drops.

He would’ve been right - they were Roy’s.

…

Danny woke up around 4:30. He was still nestled up in Roy, but they’d fallen into a more laying down than sitting up situation. The right side of his face was damp, as was the bit of Roy’s chest he’d taken up as a pillow for the last five hours. He was safely wrapped in Roy’s arms, one of which wrapped around his waist while the other laid atop the long black hair he’d been stroking.

Danny gave himself just a few deep breaths to enjoy the moment - the warmth, the safety, the peace - before his eyes snapped open and his head began to throb. It throbbed from salty shots and margaritas, from embarrassment, and from the memory that Roy had a fucking boyfriend.

Knowing Roy was a heavy sleeper, Danny slowly slipped himself out of the dare-he-call-it-spooning position and stood up from the couch. He saw Roy adjust slightly at the loss of an extra body, also losing the dopey smile that was plastered on his sleeping face.

Watching this, Danny’s stomach started to turn - and not just the normal hangover nausea. He was getting the same stomach pangs he felt when his dad passed, the same ones he felt when he lost Season 6 - a pain he’d come to associate with losing something he didn’t have in the first place.

Danny knew he had to get out of the apartment. He grabbed his phone - still in his pocket and alive, thank God - and called for an Uber. He knocked back both the glasses of water left on the counter before scribbling a note on Roy’s whiteboard:

Sorry I had to leave, needed to get home for mom stuff. Don’t tell anyone what we talked about or you owe me the contract violation money, bitch. Love you x 10000.

Danny spent the hour long ride back to Azusa writing out the lyrics to “4 a.m.”

[6-v-6]

maybe it's just me being nosy, but im really curious about why you don't like bts. im not their biggest fan either, but that's because of people trying to pressure me into liking them. you don't have to answer if you don't want to

Oh man well it’s a lot of things, honestly. Like... a lot. 

First things first, I used to be in the fandom myself, around the I Need U era leading into the Run era, aka the pivotal moment in time where the group went from “okay I guess I know them” to “my grandmother headbangs to bts every night before she sleeps”. At first the fandom was okay, it was normal, just like every other fandom. And then suddenly? It was the worst fandom I’d ever been a part of. And I was in the Supernatural fandom at one point too.... so... that’s saying A Lot. Like at first it was just really annoying things. Like jokes that made fun of their english, or were just really outdated and yet overused to the point of it being Really Fucking Annoying. Like the “infires” joke and the “jimin has no jams” joke that was fuckng Everywhere. And then army literally were commenting on every single damn video I went to on youtube, regardless of if it was related to bts at all or not. So the annoyance started there. 

And then the group got big, got famous, got internationally popular and the fandom thought they were the hottest shit around (and they still do). They started to send hate messages to other fandoms when they’d have competing comebacks. The usual “XX is a flop bts sells way more albums than XX they should just disband”. And it was super shitty?? But really, the thing that did it for me was (Trigger warning: death mention) when Yoongi dropped his mixtape last year, on the same date of the anniversary of Rise’s death. And you know what Army did? They took to twitter to bash people trending #foreverRise in remembrance of her death. They were offended that another tag was trending over yoongi’s and they went so far as to pull shit like saying she deserved to die. If you don’t anything about Rise, well, it was an unfortunate and really tragic car accident that took her life. And to disrespect someone like that in such an absolutely disgusting way just made me 100% sure that not only would I never return to that fandom, but I’d never support that group again either. Like sorry not sorry, Army can tell me “not all armys!!!” all they want but I’m Never going to like or support them. 

Not to mention when 1 of 1 came out last year they were dropping in with the typical bashing and literally sending messages wishing death upon shinee and fyjjong had to shut down her anon option because of it. And the worst thing is that they half-assedly try to regulate and stop people within their fandom doing things like that. It’s always other fandoms calling them out on their shit and never Armys themselves saying “hey, maybe this is ugly behavior and we should stop”. So. This got long. But yeah. That’s why I don’t like bts and why I won’t like them. 

[ellenlucasonlinedatingblog]

Sexuality in Color: Of Queens and Bs

Hey, hey, hey, it’s Chanté, back this week to continue the convo about sexuality and intersectionality. This week, I want to revisit a little basic terminology I brought up last time.

Sexuality and intersectionality are my jam. Why? Well, because I’m someone who identifies as so many things that talking about anything without intersectionality seems literally impossible. I think the more we can connect the two, the easier it may be to see the fluidity in and the intersections within our own identities and those of others.

If any of that’s brand-new to you, you might want to check out some content on our site about it (from awesome Scarleteen team members Al and Jacob, no less), to get yourself started:

Intersectionality Part 1

Intersectionaltiy Part 2

Intersectionaltiy Part 3

To read Kimberle Crenshaw’s version — the woman who coined the term — click here!

Current Mood: #GetMeBodied

There are two Queens I need to holler at and give all the praise to right now for reminding the entire (digital) world that BLACK IS BEAUTIFUL!

drum roll, please…

#1) Beyoncé.

I got three words: SHE DID THAT. On second thought, I have three slightly better words: Get Me Bodied!

Once again, Queen B broke the damn internet when she dropped Homecoming via Netflix last month.

Of course, I stayed up way past my bedtime to attend her digital concert! Nothing (not even my kids waking up and demanding I turn down the TV) was going to stop me from singing, dancing and scrolling through my amazing social media feeds. I stayed up until 4 AM that night -- or day rather -- because I knew it was about to be LIT. The beautiful folx of Twitter and Instagram did not disappoint!

In case you missed it, I highly recommend starting here. This gem is brought to us by Patrice Peck, talented Buzzfeed writer who is has been doing a damn good job of covering all things: #blackgirlmagic, culture and technology.

Anyway, Beyoncé and her crew made me feel all the feels. I laughed, danced, cried and contemplated.

What I loved most was the intimacy of her commentary; it was powerful and poetic. I sincerely appreciated her attention to the details -- everything from the conscious curation (of black artists, performers, dancers, drummers) to Nina Simone’s voiceovers to Beyoncé sharing intimate details about her journey of coming HOME to herself after being pregnant with twins and surviving an emergency c-section. If there’s anyone who understands, I certainly do. Like Bey, I am a proud mommy of twins and went through a similar experience.

Since becoming mother of two highly active little kids, I’ve learned just how much of a sacrifice it can be to 1) conceive 2) grow and 3) raise children. It is NOT for the faint of heart. But as much as I like to joke and tell everyone that Beyoncé and are soul sisters (our names rhyme; we’re both Virgos who happened to be born in the same zip code; both have twins AND we share common interests in wanting to empower and educate urban youth within our communities.), the two of us live different realities and lifestyles.

Because of that, I wasn’t expecting a woman of her stature -- and especially because she has set a precedent: her personal life is off limits -- to blatantly share the fact that she weighed 218 pounds the day she gave birth. I also wasn’t expecting Queen B to spill the tea when it came to experiencing complications or misgivings she had about headlining at Coachella.

Ya’ll, this was a big deal to me because she’s built a brand that is iron clad. I can’t really think of a time where she’s folded OR subjected herself to being explicitly vulnerable. So when she shared such intimate details, I felt like I could FINALLY see more of myself in her. My respect and admiration for her grew tenfold this month.

Her story reminded me, and the world, that black is beautiful, bold and radiant. The glimpses into their family life was exactly what my soul had been yearning for. I loved seeing Jay Z in the background tending to their children while she worked her ass off for this comeback moment. His presence conveyed a strong message; black love and black excellence isn’t about being “Instagram perfect”. It’s about showing up and tending to your tribe. Sometimes it means taking a step back from your own spotlight to make space for your partner’s evolution and homecoming.

Now that she’s home, I can only hope this is the beginning of a new era; one where we start to experience more of the real Beyoncé and as a result, recognize the Queen in ourselves. Thank you, Beyoncé, you are the G.O.A.T.!

2) Lizzo.

Need I say more? Maybe not, but I will; she’s Black. Beautiful. Thicc. Sultry. Confident and my (new) Queen of Body Positivity!

Lizzo went mainstream when she dropped a masterpiece last month -- her album, Cuz I Love You, which quickly climbed the charts and proved to the world that black beauty is not objective, it’s subjective. YAAAS GURL! We see you and we LOVE you.

This is one of my favorite Lizzo quotes -- keep reading if you want to learn how a queen builds herself up and practices self-love:

"First off, I love my body. No matter what angle you shoot it at, no matter the lighting, my body is just so fucking beautiful all the time. I may talk shit about it sometimes, but fuck. She’s still a bad bitch," she explained.

"My second favorite thing about myself is my blackness. I am really just so honored to be graced with this identity. No shade to any other shade on the planet—I just can’t relate. I just love being a black woman, even in a world where [we] are statistically the least desirable. I am still here, and I still rise."

Want to read the full interview? You know you do. It's here.

Shout Outs, Recommendations and Resources

I discovered this awesome website last month (I know, I’m late!) and have to share with all of you - if you haven’t spent time scoping out the stories and content on ShondaLand, I implore you to do so now!

A shoutout to their managing editor, Liz Dwyer. I’ve enjoyed a number of articles at Shondaland, and have a short list of some favorites:

“Filmmaker Numa Perrier Focuses Her Fearless Lens on the Struggle to Survive in Las Vegas” written by Rebecca Carroll, features the work of beautiful Numa Perrier, a Black filmmaker who shares personal stories of sisterhood, love, and sex work.

“How BEAM Is Changing the Way We Look at Black Mental Health”  by Nyla Wissa, features Yolo Akili Robinson, Founder & ED of BEAM, who is doing something about black mental health. I feel this is a relevant resource given all the trauma happening IRL in the black community.

“Activist Mom Jodie Patterson: How I Fight for My Trans Child” written by Maggie Bullock featuring badass Momma (of five!), Jodie Patterson, who has inspired by her son, Penel, to write a memoir about transformation and the journey their family has been on raising a black trans child. And, once upon a time she worked for Hillary Clinton! Go check out her website, it’s quite impressive.

I also wanted to pass along this Upcoming QTBIPOC Series hosted in Toronto! If anyone goes, I’d love to get your thoughts and feedback!

sexuality in color

POC

black

Latinx

intersectionality

GetMeBodied

column

parenting

pregnancy

childbirth

family

relationships

scarleteen

people

Blackness

positive

self-image

queens

Lizzo

Beyoncé

Queen B

Shondaland

body image

from MeetPositives SM Feed 4 http://bit.ly/2JekymL via IFTTT

[reistellae]

A really really long reflection 3/3

The riveting conclusion of my fucking multipart essays examining BTS/ARMYs in recent months, stan culture, and discussions of race within pop culture. In my conclusion, I’m gonna state my opinion on a recent incident that sparked this series.

Part one I went through a brief history of Asian/Asian American representation in American pop culture and the rise of kpop into the mainstream.

Part two went further into detail about the rise of BTS and their activities and the growing toxicity of the ARMY fandom.

Now we are currently in this timeline at 2018.

Before I continue with the history lesson, I’m gonna make a very important distinction here between the typical ARMY and what I’ll be calling an ARMY tribalist. The typical ARMY makes up the majority of the fandom: they follow BTS on social media, interact with the group’s posts and with other fans, stream MVs, vote for them on award shows and typical dedicated fan behavior. An ARMY tribalist takes the usual activities and behaviors and multiplies them in intensity to a million. A tribalist will put the fandom/group over everything else; over logic, over reason, over disagreement. Their loyalties are to their group of choice. Anyone can be a tribalist for a certain fandom that they are in, it’s not exclusive to ARMYs, or kpop in general. There’s Ariana Grande tribalists, DC tribalists, My Little Pony tribalists...the list goes on. So, I want to say that I don’t think all ARMYs act the same way the tribalists do, but the tribalists are the most active and the most vocal of the fandom and have influence over the average fan.

Now let’s get back to 2018. BTS had finished a wildly successful year in the United States. Thanks in part to their recent appearances at American award shows, stores such as Walmart, Target, and Barnes and Noble began selling their latest album, Love Yourself: Her. BTS merch also started to drop in Hot Topic. LYH had record sales for the group and for a kpop group in general thanks to this new audience or in part to loyal fans having access to buy albums without paying for overseas shipping. 

Despite this, scandal wouldn’t be too far behind. In May of that year, an article was published that discussed black ARMYs who were receiving racially targeted harassment from others within the fandom. Acts such as whitewashing selfies, making jokes about slavery, and calling them slurs were highlighted in the article. BTS/Bighit Entertainment were asked for their comments on the matter, but as of February 2019, there has been no public statement issued regarding this. 

The rest of 2018 was perhaps BTS’ biggest year: they were featured on the cover of TIME magazine, spoke in front of the United Nations as representatives for Unicef and their “Love Yourself” Campaign, released Love Yourself: Tear and Love Yourself: Answer to record breaking numbers, and had major shows in the United States for their Love Yourself Tour. Understandably, ARMYs were very proud of their favorite group.

As early as mid-2017, some ARMYs felt as though American media/artists did not take BTS seriously or were only using them for clout or extra attention. Pop culture tends to focus on whatever is popular at the moment, BTS being a popular group and kpop being a popular trend, of course American media outlets would pay special attention to kpop (although many outlets had covered kpop, though in smaller occurrences way before 2017). These outlets do need to make money at the end of the day and simply cannot be personally invested in every single thing they discuss. With that being said, I personally think it isn’t entirely impossible that some artists actually do like BTS/kpop. Kpop is appreciated worldwide by all sorts, so it doesn’t seem too out of line that celebrities do too. But obviously, it is music business, and some moves are only made to attract a new audience, which is fine. The fans also benefit from this newfound American fame BTS has: physical albums being sold in stores, more stops on their American tour, seeing them on a local television time at a reasonable time, merchandise at local stores. Of course, all of these benefit the providers because they get money, but that is the trade off of capitalism.

As I said, scandal continued within the ARMY fandom in 2018. With the release of his solo debut album, ARMY tribalists posted a fake translation of one of Mino’s songs with the lyric “baby girl” and accused the rapper from YG Entertainment group Winner of being a pedophile. Girl group Momoland was caught on camera laughing at something during an award show and Jimin coincidentally was singing at the time, ARMY tribalists took this as the girls were making fun of Jimin and proceeded to relentlessly attack the group to the point where they had to turn off Instagram comments for a time. The harassment of black ARMYs had not stopped and while some showed support for them, the fandom made major efforts to not let the group see it. ****** Trigger Warning: Suicide, Death ******  In December of 2017, SHINee member Jonghyun had committed suicide. It was a tragic day for SHINee World across the globe and many fandoms showed their support. Majority of ARMYs also showed support during this time, however, tribalists took the opportunity as a time to make jokes. This would become an ongoing theme in many other tragedies, that ARMY tribalists would be disrespectful and makes jokes about the recently deceased.

These are not all the scandals that ARMY tribalists were involved in 2018, but these are the most egregious to me.

And now we are in the present day. I’ll lightly touch on the incident that inspired this reflection and then get to my final thoughts. On February 12th, anonymous opinion blog, unpopularkpopopinions, had published a submitted opinion that stated “I feel like army created this bubble for bts where bts is huge in the west when in reality the american shows they were on aren’t difficult to get on, every meme these days can get on ellen so that’s not really an achievement, those interviews were all awkward and I couldn’t shake off the feeling that bts were simply weird asian gimmicks for the american audience, something they can’t and won’t understand but it’s weird enough to get views.” Initially, most users, who were regular followers to the blog, agreed with the opinion to varying degrees and the conversation seemed to have hit its point. However, on the 14th, the post started gaining traction once more with tons more notes. A disgruntled ARMY had reposted the opinion on Twitter, which attracted a new group to the post. Most ARMYs kept their response to Twitter with tweets such as “just ignore it and let’s prove them wrong next comeback,” but others took to the post itself to respond. 

The common points for contention were 1. The American shows BTS were on weren’t difficult to get on and 2. BTS being seen as an “Asian gimmick.” The common arguments were “if it’s so easy to get on Ellen, how come your faves weren’t on?” and “Calling them an Asian gimmick? That’s racist, OP. This blog and anyone who agrees is also racist.” I won’t repost my entire response to the argument, but here were my main points: “ “America uses BTS for clout” is something I’ve mostly seen ARMYs say. Which clout is the wrong term because BTS doesn’t have Drake or Beyonce levels of clout; they are being used for clicks, engagement, whatever, which is reasonable since America is a capitalistic economy and if there’s a demand or an untapped market (rabid kpop fans) then it makes sense to exploit that. Most people realize that. The whole “Asian gimmick” bit that is what most of y’all are here for. If you literally read very closely, OP said “[they] couldn’t shake off the feeling that BTS were simply weird Asian gimmicks for the American audience.” It doesn’t say that they think BTS is a weird Asian gimmick, it says that from the interviews and other things BTS did in America, they had a feeling, a vibe if you will, that the American audience only SEES them as Asian gimmicks. You can agree or disagree with that point however you’d like, but y’all are claiming that this is how OP and others in the notes feel when that simply ain’t it.” And I stand by those points and I believe what I said earlier on in this post supports my point. It’s also hypocritical that just months ago, ARMYs were basically saying the same thing that this opinion did, but now it’s racist to point out that BTS are being used and the racist attitudes behind it.

So there it is, the ENTIRE timeline and build up. What are my thoughts? I think ARMY tribalists are the fucking worst. I think the fandom has a lot of hypocrisy going on, particularly within discussions about race. Why is it that CupcakKe is only looking for attention or that BTS shouldn’t see their black fans being bullied by fellow fans or that any artist of color who works with BTS just wants clout but as soon as someone points out that American audiences may only see the group as an Asian gimmick, that that is a serious racist attack? Why is it that people cannot point out that the group has done racially insensitive things in their past? Because tribe goes first. Not saying that those who agree with one, agree with all, but it is still a problem nonetheless.

I think fandom culture can very very easily feed into tribalism, especially in kpop. BTS in particular have so much content, that one could easily become obsessed within a matter of a day. From music videos, variety shows, fanfiction, fanart and edits, web series, merchandise, albums, and video games, I find it not too hard to believe that an ARMY tribalist only interacts with fellow ARMYs on the regular basis. I also think Bighit Entertainment is a rather shit company for never speaking up/allowing BTS to speak up on these issues especially since BTS are supposed to be anti-bullying ambassadors. 

If you’ve made it this far, congratulations! I’m fucking tired. Do I still like BTS? Yes. I was just listening to Outro: Tear (the best outro in the LY series btw) as I was writing this and I think the group themselves are nice and talented. Do I hate all ARMYs? No. The fandom is too big to hate the millions of them, but I do find myself very very tired of them (and I’m sure they’re tired of An tiS like me). I’m just so fucking tired of all this bullshit with the fandom that I had to write down all my thoughts.

Part One

Part Two