#and like. what i had to say about this wasn't the point of the original post so I'm making my own
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a) There's no link to the original post, let alone some archive. We have no idea what he said, or even if he corrected himself later, or even if this is an outright lie. Leftists have a terrible relationship to honesty as the foundational statement is "Truth is a Social Construct". b) The ADL and Israel say it wasn't the Nazi salute, despite the ADL being incredible sensitive to anything vaguely right wing - It's ok to be right, the ok symbol, etc. c) linking to a frame rather than the full unedited video is a Coolsville tactic that makes me inclined to assume the author is a Leftist who outright knows they are lying - I could link to countless other left wing figures in the same position. "jews have been sounding the alarm about the rise of antisemitism" Yes, there certainly are a lot of people killing jews lately - and they are supported by Leftists. And opposed by conservatives. Huh.
Guess we're just skipping over the entire movement that is dedicated to exterminating jews now.
"antisemitism is a canary in the coal mine for fascism" It's unconnected. Japanese fascists did not give a fuck, and if anything helped protect jews. Mussolini said that the Nazi obsession with race as a distraction, but later tried to suck up to the Nazis when they turned out to be more successful. And the communist persecution of jews was notorious.
Plus, you seem to be skipping over two thousand years of antisemitism that occurred before fascism had existed.
A fascist jewish state would not be a contradiction in terms - and many Leftists already claim Israel is fascist. Being jewish doesn't make you an expert, it makes you jewish. As many historians pointed out, there were many members of the Nazi Party who were ethnically jewish.
The tests were argued about endlessly because separating jews and germans was a nightmare - the two groups had mingled and merged*.
The Leftist claim that there is a racial hierarchy, and certain people are intrinsically superior on topics simply by birth sounds very familiar. Race. Ism. Race. Ism. Gee, I wonder if that could be shortened? It sounds like a bad idea in any case. *
Addendum: So I had a look at the source - and he's a Leftist. As such, he doesn't believe in Truth to begin with. If your starting point is that there is no objective reality, then there is no chance of honesty. The dude constantly proclaims he is THE holocaust historian, and denies any opposing views exist.
So classical education is "alt-right" - which is an undefined buzzword term used by Leftists to shutdown thought. Nah, bitch, classical education was around for the last two thousand years. To decide that only a Nazi would want to read about Roman history is a typical Leftist tactic, because they hate historicallyeducated people, such folk know that they are wrong, they want INNDOCTRINATED people, which is why he obsesses endlessly about the need to purge home schooling. So what other dirty tricks does he use?
"trad christian"??? Sorry, but almost all christians are trad christians. The few american christians calling for the transing of kids are a tiny minority.
Catholics and Orthodox are the vast majority. His contempt for "trad christians" is typical for a Leftist, sure, but to use the term whilst claiming academic prowess as historian just means that you despise history, and love propaganda and historical revisionism instead.
I could go on, but pronouns in the bio is a bit of a give-away, and I noticed posts on "whiteness" and how architecture is "white-coded" and ... this man is clearly just another fascist, they just have their racism directed at different targets.
jews have been sounding the alarm about the rise of antisemitism and neo-nazi rhetoric around the world for years now, and have been largely dismissed by all sides of the political spectrum. they’re playing the victim, they’re exaggerating, they’re lying, they’re a distraction from other more important issues, etc etc.
i hope this can be a wakeup call for many. if this is shocking to you, i urge you to find jewish voices and creators to follow. antisemitism is a canary in the coal mine for fascism and jewish people are the ones most equipped to recognize it and oppose it.
we will all need each other more than ever for what’s to come. make sure the coalitions and networks you build include jewish people too.
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"My Ideal Life of A Doting Love" Story Event: Chapter 1
Azel Radwan
This is a fan-made translation solely for entertainment purposes with no guaranteed perfection; expect mistakes, grammatical errors, and some creative liberties. All original content and media used belongs to Cybird. Please support the game by buying their stories and playing their games. Reblogs appreciated.
Read this before interacting
After some time of living together with Tanzanite's Living God in a isolated castle in the desert—
I noticed something strange about my lover.
…
Emma: Prince Aze— I mean, Azel. Lunch is ready…
Emma: … What are you doing?
Despite having retired from his duties as Living God and supposedly enjoying a peaceful life, Azel was sitting at his desk and reading a book upside down.
Azel: Isn't it obvious?
Emma: No, it's not. Is that how that book is meant to be read?
Azel: Oh.
As if he had only just realised that the book was upside down, he nonchalantly flipped it right side up and cleared his throat.
(Something's not right. He was definitely up to something before I came, wasn't he?)
Azel: Wrong.
Emma: What kind of excuse is that?
Azel: More importantly, I'm hungry. I thank the ever-dedicated Emma for today's meal.
(… It's bothering me.)
…
On another night,—
(… Mm… I'm awake…)
When I woke up while it was still dark outside, I noticed Azel wasn't next to me.
I sat up and looked around to see that the balcony window was left slightly ajar.
Sitting by the window, illuminated by the massive moon worshipped by the people of Tanzanite, Azel was engrossed in reading a book. He was dressed in his familiar divine robes because as he always said, "it's best to wear comfortable clothes at night".
He didn't to seem to notice I was awake.
(He looks so serious.)
Although I was mesmerised by his beautiful profile under the moonlight, I quietly slipped out of bed.
I crept closer to him silently, but right when I was about to reach him, Azel turned to face me.
Azel: Are you an assassin or something?
Emma: You noticed.
Azel: Of course I did.
He claimed that he noticed me approaching, but he hurriedly shut the book and hid it behind his back.
Regardless of whether he realised this or not, his behaviour only made me all the more suspicious.
Emma: What book were you reading?
Azel: … A highly classified document related to national secrets. If an outsider saw it, I couldn't let them live.
Emma: Reading something so important at this late hour?
Azel: Is there a problem?
Emma: Azel… has anyone ever told you you're bad at keeping secrets?
Azel: Never. If anyone dared to, they'd be thrown into a nightmare so torturous they'll never wake again.
Azel stood, effortlessly scooped me up in his arms and tossed me onto the bed.
I tried protesting that our conversation wasn't over, but before I knew it, I was swiftly wrapped in a blanket and completely immobilised.
Azel: Go to sleep. You will sleep right now. Immediately.
Emma: I'm wide awake.
Emma: … Maybe I'll fall asleep if you sing me a lullaby.
Azel: What age toddler are you?
Emma: There are adults who fall asleep to music too, you know?
Azel: … Why would a god bother to know the customs of mere human beings?
(If I say this, he'll definitely get annoyed and give up on making me sleep.)
(Then I can press him further about that book—)
Just as I was getting ready to interrogate him, Azel started singing with an awful facial expression.
The lyrics didn't sound like they belonged to any modern language, so I couldn't understand them, but his deep and calm voice sang so beautifully and soothingly it felt almost magical.
(I didn't think he'd actually sing. He's surprisingly good at it too.)
(… He looks really embarrassed… but this is exactly what makes him so…)
(Oh well. I guess I'll let him off the hook tonight because of this song.)
…
However, Azel's suspicious behaviour continued.
… To the point where I began to worry he might be dealing with a serious problem.
…
Emma: You're coming clean about everything today, Azel.
Azel was acting strange that day too, sneaking around in the hallway.
Determined not to let him slip away, I spread my arms wide and blocked his path.
Azel: What's this about…? "Come clean"? I haven't done anything.
Emma: That's a lie. You threw something out of the window the moment you saw me, didn't you?
Azel: It was trash.
Emma: Then I'll go pick it up.
Azel: No need.
Emma: …
Azel: …
(We're just going in circles at this rate.)
Emma: Azel—
At the same time I opened my mouth to put an end to this, Azel grabbed my hand and pushed me against the wall.
(!?)
With both my hands pinned, I was caught between Azel and the wall.
(… What's this all of a sudden?)
His mysterious eyes resembling a night sky full of stars gazed deep into mine.
His beautiful hair, shimmering dreamily under the sunlight, gently brushed against my cheek.
(He might be able to hear my heartbeat from this close…)
Azel: …
Emma: … Uhh…
Azel: …
Emma: Azel?
Azel: …
Emma: "Damn it… I pinned her against the wall without thinking, and now I have no idea how to explain myself."
Azel: That's not it. Stop doing that annoyingly accurate impersonation.
Emma: Yeowch!
After giving my cheek a hard pinch, Azel gently rested his forehead against mine and sighed.
Azel: It's just—…
#ikemen prince#ikemen series#ikepri translations#azel radwan#cybird ikemen#cybird otome#otome#ikepri story event
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What’s your opinion on Lust Sans? How do you think the creator could have handled hypersexuality better? Because honestly I don’t think it was handled very well -as a hypersexual anon myself.
What’s your opinion on Lust Sans? How do you think the creator could have handled hypersexuality better? Because honestly I don’t think it was handled very well -as a hypersexual anon myself.
I can't really say much about hypersexuality as i have no experience with it, and it's been a while since I read the Underlust comic.
One thing I have to say, I don't think NSFWShamecave probably didn't intent to portray SPECIFICALLY hypersexuality? From my understanding at least it doesn't seem like it.
Despite the way monsters behave being similar to hypersexuality, I believe the creator was trying to portray something that they believed was fictional. (The lore reason being the fact that everyone's injected with an aphrodisiac.)
And that's where a lot of the issues come from.
I will have to say, it was a genuine attempt by someone to make something with serious lore out of an AU with origins that are hard to take seriously. I would blame it on age, but I'm just gonna go on a limb and say someone with the username NSFWShamecave was at least 18 back then.
Regardless, it's not a story that's easy to tell. Even with genuine intentions, their story- you can tell it wasn't made by someone who knows their stuff.
Additionally, it seems like a kind of AU where the creator thought 'designs first, lore after'.
Which isn't a bad thing on it's own! It's interesting to already have a point in the story that the characters are at and think "okay, how did they reach it". But the creator didn't execute it well.
There's also the 'love fixes everything' vibes I remember getting with Papyton with what happened to Mettaton.
The AU itself feels kinda puritan, with Frisk needing to show the monsters true love as if they've never had it before. It feels extremely reminiscent of the internet's culture at the time, especially the Undertale fandom. I remember being very active on Wattpad at the time, and I remember on there... It was treated jokingly, but we did call anything sexual 'sin' and shamed people for being into it (12 year olds like I was SHOULDN'T be into it, but still...)
Not to mention... Chara. Obviously the character who was the fandom's genocide scapegoat, who was seem as evil back then, is gonna be made weirdly lustful. Good thing they aged them up, I'm glad this creator didn't try to dive into child hypersexuality (while it does exist, someone with those views on sexuality would not have handled that very well, and they would have received more scrutiny), but giving them the soul trait of Lust? That was probably not the best way of explaining why everyone is horny.
In short:
The main issues are that the creator was portraying a real issue bad because they didn't know it was real, and that the creator wasn't all that experienced in writing stories (and designed most characters other than Mettaton and Frisk without a story for them in mind).
As for Lust Sans himself, I didn't really answer that question specifically very well, did I?
Firstly, he suffers from what most characters in the story do.
Additionally, as a Sans, I'm gonna have to think about him in the context of the multiverse.
His portrayal is what happens when an already not too well executed idea is brought towards a bunch of kids.
Of course there were older people in the fandom, but I say the majority of us were not the intended demographic for the AU.
And kids, especially in today's day and age, are notorious for wanting to seem mature and therefore portray stuff for adults, but at the end of the day, we weren't and we couldn't.
So Lust, in especially the early fandom's eyes, was reduced to "non-consensual flirt bordering on rapist".
-
I do have my own version of the AU, slightly altered. So far it's just lore from the AU itself instead of individual characters or story. I wasn't really planning on doing much with it, and I made it before voicing my own criticism, so it doesn't really address more than the Chara sexualization. Feel free to read it if you're curious though!
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#currently on the worst road trip of my whole entire life! well. i don't want to jinx it lmao but#today i popped TWO TIRES at once in the middle of the Katy Freeway in Houston TX (the widest highway in the US; 26 lanes btw)#managed to make it over to the shoulder without DYING but then had to sit there for like an hour? and panic called a tow truck because duh#I know how to change a tire but I was – again – sitting on the shoulder of the widest freeway on the continent so#anyway I called a tow; a guy showed up. I assumed it was the tow! turned out it was not. but he helped me put on the spare and then was lik#“follow me to my shop I can do the tires for you” and I was like okay! 👍 but then the ACTUAL tow called me and I realized this was#just a random guy (very nice up to that point but then I got scared about following him to a secondary location?) and so I didn't lmao#I just kept driving and didn't follow him but the guy on the phone was then mad at me because I wasn't where I said I would be because#AGAIN – I thought the original guy WAS the tow company that I called? but anyway guy 2 on the phone was like “YOU OWE ME $200!!!!”#and I said for what? also how would I pay you? and he tried to get me to cash app him lmao?? I didn't. I hung up on him#he called me like 6 more times yelling at me until I finally just blocked his number 💀#however NOW at this point I'm driving on one spare tire and one rapidly-flattening second tire and I still have 3 hours left to get where#I was going for the night and to top it all off I'm in the middle of a city I've only been to one time before? so I manage to get to a hote#like a nice-ish one where I'm like “okay if I get stuck here this won't be the end of the world”#because keep in mind today is a national holiday so basically everything is closed!!!! btw!!!!!#but eventually I'm sitting there and it's literally 100F outside and I remember oh right lol I have car insurance which pays for a tow#(a normal one; not a random one I panic-found on google who calls me screaming at me to cash app him $200)#so anyway I call my insurance and the guy on the phone is very nice and is like “it's okay; we'll have someone to you in 45 min”#and I'm like okay. OKAY. 🙌💪 I am a strong independent woman who is figuring this out and no longer on the side of the highway#but instead in a nice calm neighborhood and all I have to do is wait 45 min and everything will be okay#one hour goes by. I call back. get redirected to the tow company that was dispatched. guy says oh! is my guy not there yet?#I say no. he says okay – I'll have him call you. hangs up.#okay. 20 more min go by. guy finally calls me. says “I'm 20-25 min away” at this point I've been waiting about an hour and a half#I say. okay? okay. 30 more minutes go by. I try to call the guy back. straight to voicemail. three more calls. three more no answers.#I call my insurance back. sit on hold for 15 min. eventually get put through to a different person who's like “okay let me check on him”#get put on hold. eventually she comes back and says “okay he says 15 minutes” I've been waiting over 2 hours at this point. I have to PEE#I just... burst into tears. on the phone with this poor random woman from Geico Insurance. I'm bawling my eyes out.#she was trying to get claim info from me but I'm crying so hard she's like “oh baby no. okay. okay. we can get that from you tomorrow.”#when you cry so hard that even the insurance company is like “you know what we're just going to let this one slide”#anyway guy eventually shows up. he's very nice even though I hate him a little for being so late. he drives me to an OPEN TIRE SHOP
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I do like Ahsoka in the TCW Movie a lot and I think Dave Filoni himself should rewatch that movie to get a feel of Ahoka again and submit an essay explaining how she got to where she is now from there by next week. might just be me tho
#not a good movie not a good obi-wan#decent anakin and asajj#but like whatever you say about the quality of it that is still ahsoka's base as a character#she was there and we were first introduced to her there so you can't just ignore that#i know about character development but there are so many gaps in it so you can't really piece her arc together between tcw and ahsoka imo#and ofc there's the matter of your characters developing but staying consistent#and i like her in that movie a lot#mostly when i think about tcw ahsoka i think of that version#that and the original concept art for her by dave#the funky skirt and all#there's a lot of things she had that current ahsoka could benefit from#and we did have tales of the jedi but it wasn't fun enoughhhh#idk what the point i'm making here is really i just need to go to sleep
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#saw a reply to a post that was like#websites only have apps to get more ad revenue out of you#and like. what i had to say about this wasn't the point of the original post so I'm making my own#but Reddit's mobile site used to be perfectly good and engaging#now it's changed layouts and stuff and it looks like the app. which we despise and hate and find unintuitive and user-unfriendly#which means what in practice? we're not using the app we hate it. we're just not on Reddit if we're not on the computer (old Reddit beloved#but it's not losing them ad revenue because we use an ad blocker so they probably don't give a shit either way#:/#saltposting#actually ETA I think a lot of things we hate about the Internet under late stage capitalism is. why does everything have to change layouts#all the time#for no good reason#like if it works there's no need to fix it#but nooo endless growth blah blah blah maximise user engagement blah blah blah money etc#how about retain the users you already have by remaining what they liked about you in the first place. ever think about stability?#there is a reason why we have autoupdates turned off on our phone and there's like 5 apps that are FORBIDDEN to update#Tumblr because we don't like the overhauls to the notes section (the ones where they're coloured differently based on read/unread#instead of on people you follow/don't follow)#Discord because the new layout looks like absolute shit and having DMs separate from servers would be hell for our processing#and ability to respond to both#our red filter app because it's gonna stop filtering wallpaper to comply with Android regulations and that's a no from us#are the main three but I think there might be others I'm not thinking of#anyway. yeah#I wish for predictable apps that don't suddenly throw new layouts at you every time you've finally gotten used to the last change#I don't wanna be kept on my toes real life does enough of that. I want to have a stable anything in my life is this too much to ask for
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Ok so while yes, City of Mist is incredibly simple to play in actual practice, it does have a LOT more character management rules than most PBTAs, and the Tracking Card system is something you really have to see in practice to understand.
Plus, while it's my understanding that the divided Player Handbook and MC Toolkit clarified a handful of things that were missing or unclear in the original Tome, I was not gonna spend $70 on two books to replace my single $50 one, and besides, we had started before Knights of Payne Town crowdfunded.
So long story short, there were a handful of things that, when we started, I was unclear on how they worked, and what their limits were supposed to be, and so I, wanting to be a "Good DM" (my only other experience at that point was D&D 5E) decided, "power to the players!" and let players add as many tags as they wanted to rolls.
(legitimately, the only point in the original tome I could find that said there was a 3-power tag-limit was a play example, it wasn't in the base rules in the gameplay section! Apparently it was buried somewhere I wouldn't have thought to look, but I didn't know that until much later when I was talking about something in the Facebook group.)
I also was kinda lax about the single-scene effects of some moves, because it came up so rarely. And, on the MC side, I was so nervous about not using stuff after over-preparing scenarios for the first few sessions that I'd developed a habit of delaying stuff until the party had a chance to arrive.
For the most part, I was still able to make an engaging adventure by taking advantage of what you could do with NPCs' power tags/statuses, but then The Incident happened.
Now, there were probably some other contributing factors here. First, one of my players had recently joined a D&D table, and between that and the way I'd handled my table, he was starting to develop an attitude that I was supposed to indulge anything he wanted to do so long as he rolled a Great Success. And for reasons I still don't understand, the entire party had chosen to just straight-up ignore information one of their allies had given them, opting to spend the rest of the session trying to find some other piece of evidence to back up what he was saying, but weren't satisfied with whatever I gave them.
As written, the Investigation move in CoM says that you can ask as many questions as you have Power invested on a Great Success. So this dude dumped 6 power tags into an Investigate, and spent an hour dragging it across 3 locations, upset I wasn't giving him the answers he wanted, but not telling me what he wanted to learn beyond "what are we supposed to do next," but like the rest of the party, was unwilling to accept "you already know where your target will be next. The lead you were given was real!" I ended up having to call the session early, I was so mad.
That player might have still developed the attitude that I needed to indulge every success, especially after joining the D&D game, but if I had trusted the samples in the book and every other sample of play I'd heard elsewhere, then he would have gotten 3 questions, max. If I had restricted his investigation to a single scene like I knew I was supposed to, he wouldn't have been able to drag it out for an hour.
And if I'd followed the general PBTA GM principle of "treat the world like it's alive and the story doesn't solely revolve around your players," they would have simply seen that they weren't being lied to on the news after their target did what they knew she was going to do, in the place they knew she was going to be, and got away because they were all wasting time elsewhere.
They still wouldn't have been happy, probably, but there's not much I can do about that, since they wouldn't tell me why they were rejecting clues like that.
Yes, that's the short version of events.
It ain't easy making it as a TTRPG design studio when it takes a baseline amount of effort just to convince a lot of people that your profession is even real. Like, those rules and numbers, we didn't just fill the pages up with a bunch of random nonsense, we put those in the rulebook for a reason, so that following them would result in particular challenges and experiences.
Game design is real! It is possible to play a TTRPG wrong, because the TTRPG's rulebook exists solely to tell you how to play this particular TTRPG right, and in a well-designed game, that will lead to a particular experience that the authors are trying to sell you.
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i will never not find it hilarious that they completely forgot to animate patty at the very end of the final cutscene in the last three frames of the whole group
and the dub didn't even give her voiced lines when everyone was shouting they so the localization forgot about her too
#GTF Vesperia Things#the loc also changed her line from “it stopped?” to “it's over?” which is awkward#bc i'm pretty sure she was referring to the blastia+spirit's power not working as they intended#i know the DE loc was really wonky and they rly just went what's a consistency tho#but it's actually very jarring for me to play the DE version bc the loc was actually relatively on point originally#and then all the additions and changes are super awkward in the loc#like flynn saying good luck out there to yuri if you sleep at the inn at aurnion... even tho he's literally in the party#you can tell they didn't actually check the original script for accuracy/consistency AT ALL#just really feels like they didn't care much about it ultimately and just shoved it out#the remake is what i have access to rn but like... the original was def better and like#as someone who did play the original numerous times it's so blatantly obvious where they changed/added stuff#esp since patty's lines outside of anything immediately directed at her own story#were almost entirely throwaway lines they stuck in there just to give her lines to make her more present#i'd say about half of flynn's added lines if not more for anything he wasn't originally part of were similar#like anything that was exactly the same except they stuck in a few extra lines for those two#and like... i love flynn but imo the DE version really didn't do him that much more justice (n-no pun intended)#and like it doesn't matter that they did plan patty originally bc ultimately she got cut#which meant making the entire story/plot without her; so adding her back in LATER is like... why did you fucking bother removing her then#they ended up having to forcefully stick her back in anyway and whatever she would've had in the first place#prob would've been better/integrated better into the story than trying to squeeze in lines wherever possible#and I say that bc her lines (and a chunk of flynn's) don't actually change anything. chars will respond the same with or without their line#like... hearts r did really great in integrating a new char into the main party#even if i usually do NOT like additions to the main cast in remakes and is usually why i don't want remakes in the first place for tales#and then you've got innocence r which just butchered everything with its additions#and vespy is right in the middle as like... why bother (for money i know but still)#also tho honestly with how little flynn is even actually playable it's still a big why bother for me#bc yeah i do love having him there and i do love the sidequest stuff with him#but the biggest difference between hearts r and the vespy remake is that they didn't really... remake it#they just stuck new things into existing unchanged content and added a little bit more and reused the base game#if the tag count is still thirty im out of tags lol i just have a lot of Feelings abt this remake
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I feel like there are roughly two kinds of "painfully weird kid" that you can be during your K-12 school years. the first is your "I am trying so hard to be normal but I just cannot seem to hit the mark. there's just something wrong with me and I don't know how to fix it" and the second is the category I was in, which is your "everyone around me is so incredibly weird but they obviously can't help it so I will just have to accept this."
#being a deeply weird kid in school was definitely an experience#i feel like it's also heightened when you attend a private catholic school#there are just so many more layers of 'oh wow so this is...a thing' to deal with#like i honestly think the shit that private catholic schools do to a kid's head is worse for the normal kids#i was already at a point where i just accepted that my personal perspective of the world was radically different#and you really weren't going to convince me to start loving denim or perfume or makeup#so trying to get me to feel a bunch of religious guilt was also not going to work#i just added it to the long list of things that are important to most ppl that i just don't give a shit about and moved on#honestly being autistic in a private catholic school put me in a much better spot than a normal catholic student#the teachers would say something absolutely batshit insane#like telling us that 'mentally disabled' kids get a free pass to heaven because they have no original sin just like animals#(if u know ur catholic shit u can imagine the multiple layers of 'but wait!' involved in this statement but anyway)#and your normal catholic student would be like 'what?! for real! oh my gosh...but are you sure? oh you are. well...i guess it's true then..#whereas i would be sitting there like 'wow that is...a wild thing to believe. also u were staring at me for that whole speech so...'#like yeah i did get involved in the heated debates because it was hella fun#but in hindsight it would be really fucked up to be an actual catholic kid in that school because jesus christ...#a lot of our teachers even had strong disagreements over belief shit and would make us all take sides#so it wasn't even like unanimous weird stuff pumped at us. it was like conflicting weird stuff#one intense divide i recall was the simple but highly controversial 'do animals go to heaven?' debate#most said 'yes' with or without conditions#one teacher said 'yes and also disabled kids' which was fucked up and definitely directed at me whenever i was in the room#like some kind of fucked up 'it's okay because you'll get a better life in the afterlife sweetie' kind of thing#while others were like 'ANIMALS? in my heaven? I think not! what did they even do to earn it?! nothing!'#students tended to also be very invested and distressed by the thought of no family pets in heaven#but also very conflicted based on the facts being presented by both sides and also which teacher was their favorite so...
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I think
I think that me thinking I'm a compulsive manipulator for most of my "aware life" has something to do with the tism
#i was watching a video on an autistic person 'reviewing' a book used by therapists to communicate with autistic people (and for cbt as well)#(which. cbt for autistic people is not a good idea at all for multiple reasons but that's not the point)#and the person started talking about the fact that they say in the book that allistics communicate by not clearly stating their intentions#(so subtext and hidden meaning behind words)#and i was nodding along like 'yep that's how it works you have to analyze everything or you'll be ridiculed eventually'#and then the autistic person recording said *not* 'we have to analyze what they say'#but 'we have to Not say what we mean in order to communicate effectively with them' and i went wait no that's manipulative#(keep in mind i was watching that video listening in for signs that i am NOT autistic because as my only irl friend says: i am in denial)#and i think that i. started masking as a survival mechanism and imitating nt people#and reading subtext and acting 'allistically' is a big part of that and. my potentially autistic brain was recognizing that as manipulation#(as a means of survival)#like i had times as a kid where not reading subtext made me be ridiculed or ostracized or mocked#so i started doing it as well but my non allistic brain recognized that as manipulation because it wasn't natural for me#and i think maybe that's also why i like analyzing texts and finding new meanings in things so much#and why i care so much about the origins of non-literal expressions like#... i don't have an english example right now but you get the idea#that. realization is very reassuring actually#maybe i'm not as bad of a person as i thought...?#sunny
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100 percent relatable....
I was so insecure about being in a system. First came denial. Then came an identity crisis that lasted over a year. I was forced to play a million roles over the course of my life, and the realization that I wasn't just the most versatile, yet unstable neurotypical person ever broke me. Now, there was something fundamentally *wrong* with me. It had to be fixed. ...but it couldn't be fixed. No one even had a label for it, in the beginning. No one knew how. My journey in the medical/psychiatric/psychological fields as a system related to what this post says about these communities, and they continue to be so dehumanizing and demoralizing that I do not seek help. I had one singular good therapist, and that is all I've ever had.
And it's ironic, too, that I used to invalidate endogenic systems in my brain when **they could literally be traumagenic and not even know -- traumatic amnesia is literally a DID/OSDD/C-PTSD/dissociation in general thing!!** My exclusionary mentality wasn't even logically sound on a surface level -- if only traumagenic systems are "real" or "valid," then... what about those who don't know? What about those questioning? What about the nuance that is interpreting labels, terms, etc. differently system to system?
Regardless of label, origin, brain organization, symptoms, or whatever else... we're all in this together, fending for ourselves in a world that treats us with stigma, disdain, ignorance, abuse, etc. even in the medical/psych community.
Don't discriminate against or exclude any type of system, headmate, etc. There's no point, and it only circles back around to hurt you. Just like with any other group, in general, inclusion is far more effective than exclusion will ever be.
If you find yourself being exclusionary... look inward at potential insecurities, then consider that there might be many things you don't yet understand that are misleading you into seeing the harmful picture of the world you're seeing.
Consider that this harmful picture will eventually circle right back around to you -- if you target one designation of system, it just fuels hatred against all systems, since you're portraying a whole subset of systems as "ridiculous", and the general public does not care about the nuance most of the time. The general public loves to generalize and generate harmful stereotypes from edge cases.
Consider celebrating others. Consider loving others. Consider tolerating others, even. Consider "live and let live," and "to each their own." Anything but hatred of fellows.
Before I got professional help from a DID specialist, I was a very violently anti-endo sysmed. Ironically, pursuing help and taking my medication regularly helped me open up to the idea of non-traumagenic systems.
Before I had access to professional help, I was angry at the world. I was angry at the doctors for not accepting my insurance even though I so desperately needed their help, and I was angry at the endogenics for seemingly getting the "easy" and "fun" parts of my disorder. It was insecurity. I blamed them for how people outside of the community treated me, I blamed them for making us look bad.
I held out hope for the definitive "medical truth" to validate me, I wanted someone to look at me and say:
"I know EXACTLY what is wrong with you, and I can fix you."
But sadly that was just a dream. After cycling through a handful of specialists and settling on my current one, I realized they're learning from me as much as I'm learning from them. Every single specialist had a wildly different definition of what DID looks like, and even is. What it's caused by, and what it's not. Some specialists were open to the idea of endogenic systems existing, some were not.
DID/OSDD medical information is a footnote in a medical textbook. So many of the terms that diagnosed traumagenics use are not decided upon by a medical consensus. Even the specialists are extrapolating heavily based on the very limited information there is about this disorder.
That's when it hit me.
The doctors don't know shit. The community dosent know shit. So damn it all to hell I don't care anymore.
Traumagenic and Endogenic systems are in the same boat. We are all still discovering what it even means to be plural. There's no set definition, even within the sysmed community. So why are we so desperately trying to invalidate each other's experiences just to try to convince others, and ourselves, that our lived experiences are real?
#reblog#not mine#good post#systems#plural#plurality#plural community#plural system#system#did#osdd#ddnos#solidarity
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Happy to report I'm no longer responding to the religious people on my posts! Apologies to anyone who may have taken the psychic damage of seeing that unexpectedly!
It had been a while since I had purposely kicked a metaphorical wasp nest so I guess I was overdue. I am simply a sexy fool. 🙄 I do it a lot less nowadays tho, which is good!
I did genuinely set out at first to get information about how Catholics reconcile certain paradoxes within their faith, and then I was like oh right oh no I just remembered why I stopped doing this
On the upside I DID actually learn a lot; even if part of what I learned was don't tag Catholic tumblr in your posts about Catholicism, Jack. (Listen. I'm a work in progress! 😅)
And now I am very dedicated to putting a priest in my graphic novel who fucks a demon. Which I was going to draw anyway, so I might as well make it work with the story. For art. And penises.
Anyway, I hear the song "Godsend" by Trebuchet and I go a little bit insane in a good way. It's like if Supernatural was good and also a song. I'd really like to capture that energy in my work. There's also this song called "the queer gospel" that I love very much, which is about the inherent holiness of queerness and queer community regardless of if there's a god. (I actually made a burlesque routine for that song once, and more than one person said it made them cry happy tears! Which is a hell of a point of pride for me! AND a hell of a point of Pride!)
*okay if someone sends me an anonymous message that makes me laugh out loud and not feel rancid, then I will answer it if it brings me joy and I have a funny response. I will tag it accordingly and then block that person as soon as they stop being funny. But I'm good on debate and philosophy now. I got my answer. I had forgotten what those answers looked like. But I am grateful for (and moderately horrified by) the reminder. Please see the tags for an explanation of my new favorite phrase involving a man, heliocentrism, and one very hot piece of wood~
#Catholicism tw#Christianity cw#religious trauma#original#diary#I included that little addendum because at some point someone sent me a message that included the sentence#'I am Galileo being burned at the stake!' and I have not been able to get that phrase out of my mind. I'm not sure why they said it#and I'm not sure how ironic they were being and I'm not sure they know that Galileo was not burned at the stake#he was put on house arrest and threatened with torture. and considering that this persecution was done by a -fairly prominent organization-#it was kind of wild to bring up out of context. Galileo burned at the steak! after leading France against the witch trials!!#I need to allow myself the ability to respond to a message like that because every time I've had a quiet moment today my brain is like#I AM GALILEO BEING BURNED AT THE STAKE#and then I giggle imagining someone just bringing that phrase into any number of situations and with no lead up#stubbing my toe like#I AM GALILEO. BURNED AT THE STAKE FOR MY WHORISH SINS. WOE! WOE UNTO ME!#it must be one of those phrases that fits into an accidental poetic meter#like a Shakespeare Sonnet. 'and if you no longer my true love should take. then i am Galileo. burned at the stake!'#again I cannot emphasize enough that I have no idea if they were saying I'm acting like Galileo or they're saying they are Galileo?#or even how science came up at all since that wasn't really what we were talking about?#and I think that's the beauty of it. at the end of the day I think we're ALL Galileo burned at the stake#i don't care if you don't know the minutiae of history but i AM gonna roast you for using Galileo as an example in support of the Church#and for sending me fully incoherent messages. galileo didn't die at the stake for this! he died for our sins! which i am if anything#FURTHER away from understanding than i was yesterday#but i got more than i needed.
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How do you take a photo of time?
I've been watching the track events at the Olympics since I was a wee lad. It was a tradition in our family. We'd gather around our ancient low-definition 19 inch CRT television and watch tiny blobs compete against other tiny blobs and root for our country.
It was a bit like watching YouTube on your phone in 144p.
Several heroes emerged.
Jackie Joyner-Kersee was amazing.
You can't forget about Flo-Jo.
And then the Olympics decided NBA players were allowed in the competition.
Which formed... The Dream Team.
Was this fair?
Well... they won each game by an average of 44 points.
So... no. It was not fair.
Though it became more fair as time went on.
But, umm... yeah. The other teams looked like the Washington Generals and the US looked like the Harlem Globetrotters if they stopped screwing around half of the game.
But my absolute favorite Olympian was a runner named Michael Johnson.
He was cool as heck.
For one thing... gold shoes.
But he also had this crazy, upright, Tom Cruise-ish sprinting style that just made him look like a running robot on the track.
And in the 1996 Atlanta games he just trounced EVERYONE. I mean, it wasn't even close.
Yikes. Those losing blobs are probably really embarrassed.
Last night I decided to invigorate my nostalgia and watch the track events again. And I got to see one of the wildest races in history.
It didn't even last 10 seconds but it was one of the most exciting sporting events I've ever witnessed. Almost every runner won the race.
After I saw that initially, I was like... who the heck won???
Even in slow motion I wasn't sure.
This was one of the closest finishes in history. There has never been a race where all 8 runners were within this margin.
The arena was silent as the winner was being confirmed. The runners just kind of paced around waiting for official word. My best guess was the Jamaican runner, Kishane Thompson. But then the loudspeaker announced Noah Lyles.
The last tiny morsel of American pride burst out of me with a big "Wooooo!"
I forgot what it was like to be proud of my country. I wish it happened more often. But this young man, despite being last place in the first 3rd of the race, turned on the afterburners and won in a photo finish.
And that's when my inner nerd took over.
Because when they showed the photo finish image, it looked super weird.
Why is the track white?
Why do all of the runners look all warpy like that QWOP game?
So I went down a research rabbit hole to figure this out.
Photo finishes are actually fascinating. The first photo finish captured the end of a horse race in 1890. But that was mostly luck and timing. The actual photo finish mechanisms weren't used until 1937.
Originally they would film the finish line through a physical slit.
And the first horsie head that appeared in that slit would be the winner. This technology ended a huge aspect of corruption in horse race fixing almost overnight.
But we have come a long way since then. And I'd like to introduce you to the Omega Scan 'O' Vision Ultimate.
This slow motion camera sits fixed on the finish line of every race. The concept of the photo finish has remained remarkably similar to the 1930s approach. The camera sensor is specially designed to only record a vertical slit.
Only the finish line itself is actually captured.
And because it limits what it records to only that slit, it can capture 40,000 frames per second to get amazing temporal resolution.
So why don't the photo finishes just look like, well... this?
That is because the camera takes a picture of time more-so than dimensional space. I guess it would be more accurate to say it *assembles* a picture of time.
As the runners cross the finish line, the camera combines all of the little strips of pictures into a single image.
It's almost like if you tried to reassemble a piece of paper after it had been shredded.
Imagine each strip of paper is a picture of ONLY the finish line, just at a slightly different point in time.
What if someone stopped on the finish line and didn't move... what would that look like?
Once they got there, the same part of their body would just be repeated.
So the right side of the photo finish picture represents earlier in time and it just assembles the image strip by strip as time passes and you literally get a picture of time itself.
NEAT!
Okay, but how do they determine the winner from the photo finish?
I mean, that shoe looks like it is ahead of Noah Lyles!
Clavicles!
The IAFF rules state the foremost part of the torso must cross the finish line first. And the endpoint of the torso is the outer end of the clavicle.
So if you get this bone across the finish line first, you win the race.
Two more fun facts!
The start of the race is actually just as carefully timed as the end of the race. There are sensors in the starting blocks of each runner.
The starting gun also has an electronic sensor.
They have determined the fastest a human can react to the sound of a gun is roughly 100 milliseconds. So if you start running before 100 milliseconds they know you didn't actually hear the gun, you just got antsy and started running too early.
And the final fun fact...
Did you notice the Omega logo at the top of the photo finish?
That isn't superimposed or added after the fact. That is captured by the camera.
But if this image is composed only of tiny little slivers, how did they get the Omega logo to show up?
That is a little display. And it is synchronized with the Scan 'O' Vision Ultimate to show a little sliver of the Omega logo for each frame captured.
So when the final image is stitched together, it looks like a cohesive logo at the top of the photo.
Pretty clever, Omega!
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Observing Adam
Where I go way too deep into something that probably isn't that deep. It's long, it's long as hell.
Okay, so you'd think with how Adam talks he's just a typical misogynist, right?
This man worships pussy. So much so, he's named a whole ass angel, one of his best, Vagina. You'd say that he objectifies them and thinks of them as being lesser, but I don't think that's the whole story. In fact, I think he might be the original simp.
All of these exorcists so far have been women. All of them. He refers to them as ladies or bitches interchangeably, he sees them as being completely capable of absolutely decimating leagues of some of the most vile beings who have ever existed, and they have, to the point it was only after thousands of years that there's been a risk to this hierarchy.
He's a self-centered, egotistical, loud-mouthed, arrogant asshole, no doubt about it, but I'm beginning to suspect something now.
If Adam and Lilith were created from the same dust, if they were created as equals, I am more than willing to bet... Lilith is also a self-centered, egotistical, arrogant asshole. But, she's likely far more intelligent, composed, and duplicitous.
Lilith was allowed to refuse Adam and leave of her own free will and garnered her own independence. A new wife was created for Adam, she was replaced. My guess, is she thought Adam wouldn't be able to live without her, to come back and find herself replaced entirely, she was enraged.
I believe both Adam and Lilith were both incredibly dominant individuals who fought over ideas, thoughts, and ultimately in the bedroom as well, if we take into account the creationist stories.
I'm willing to bet she likely manipulated Lucifer into twisting humanity against its original concept. What if Lucifer's intention truly was to just spark something within Eve, like independence and thought and creation, but it was Lilith's poison within the fruit that tainted her, then subsequently Adam, with sin.
Lilith thrived in hell, while Lucifer's dreams of creation were dashed. She didn't suffer as he did, instead the power of her voice grew with hell. Her voice grew so powerful that heaven found it to be a threat, her actions instigated the beginning of exterminations.
Charlie said that when she was a little girl, she didn't know Lucifer at all. I don't think this was because of Lucifer, he's seen here, picking her up, inviting her to share in his thoughts and dreams, showing her something wonderful. Something she could see within herself.
Charlie says that it's this moment that sparked her will to fight for her dreams. Which is strange, because at the very beginning of the story, Charlie says it was her mother's dream that was passed down to her.
Lilith took Charlie away. In this scene, Lucifer wasn't done showing Charlie his thoughts and dreams, he's still yearning to show his daughter these things at this point.
Lucifer loves his daughter. He loves Charlie so, so, so much. So why wasn't he allowed to build a relationship with his daughter for the longest time? He was waiting for the opportunity to get to know her, but with how much he adores her why didn't he do it sooner? He didn't comment on 'It took you a while-' he just said he missed her smile. They don't want to be pulled apart, again.
Now, we know Vivziepop has said that Lucifer and Lilith love each other, but Lilith 'wears the pants' in the relationship. We see all of the pictures all over the walls of a supposedly happy family. I don't think the relationship was as loving as originally portrayed and Lilith is a woman who desires control above all else. She likely tried to mitigate what influence Lucifer had over their daughter when she thought his angelic thoughts and behaviors became more than what she approved of.
Lets take it back to Adam and Lute for a moment. Again, Adam is a loud mouthed idiot, he's a jerk. The moment he realizes there are demons in heaven, he's ready to go on the attack. It's only because of Lute that he didn't end up doing something absolutely idiotic.
I gotta say, Lute and Adam's relationship is an absolutely fascinating one. He's a disrespectful dick head in how he talks, but how he acts is a different story. He allows Lute to man-handle him. He does listen to her, even if he's a whiny bitch about it.
Look at him, this is the face of a man listening, a dumb one, but a dude listening all the same. He doesn't manhandle her back, he doesn't even pull away until she lets go of his collar. Of all the shit he complained about, between being grabbed and being told what to do, his biggest complaint is that she's telling him to shush.
We know that Adam is the one who suggested the exterminations to begin with, so Sera says, and this was because of the power that Lilith was amassing. To him, Lilith is a threat. Even when he was willing to move on, to go to another wife when Lilith didn't want him or want to submit to him (fair babe, he's a bit of an idiot), she came back with an angel and proceeded to manipulate his new wife Eve. This is the supposed progenitor of man-kind, the original dick (hilariously enough), the reason civilization even exists at all. He and Eve had to fight for their lives after being tempted with the fruit. They had immortality, they had no ideas of shame, they were supposedly 'innocent' creatures before Lilith and Lucifer came along. He and Eve had to fight tooth and nail to survive after being cast from Eden. I think it shows in how willing and ready he is to take lead and do what he believes needs to be done, now out of a need for entertainment rather than a need to defend or protect. But, he still stopped to listen to Lute's advice. In the mythological story of Adam and Eve, Adam is the one who has to tell Eve that god said don't eat the fruit. Eve never heard god speak to her, so she was vulnerable to the snake's manipulations. She will now die because she ate it, and because she did not want Adam to take another wife, convinced him to eat it unknowingly. Funnily enough, Adam tried to explain to god that 'she lied to me and gave me the fruit' and in this actual mythology, Adam was punished for listening to his wife. Even without mentioning Lilith in the original mythology, Eve didn't want Adam to take another wife, so when we consider it within the context of Hazbin Hotel, it may be likely that's how it went down. Eve knew of Lilith, knew that she could be replaced, and decided that she would take Adam with her.
I believe that Adam does and did rely on the women in his life to help him with direction. I think Adam knows he can be an idiot and is willing to listen, even if he doesn't agree with what he's hearing. He did listen to Charlie in the beginning, he just didn't believe in her, like everyone else and he, out of anyone there, probably had the most reason not to. Cain and Abel were his and Eve's sons, his own child became the first murderer. Out of jealousy, the same kind of jealousy that no doubt has caused Lilith to act how she did. Adam isn't going to have empathy for sinners. His family, his legacy, were filled with the original sinners. He probably had to kill his son Cain in hell during the first exterminations. What do you think he would have had to feel, if it came to be a fact that sinners could be redeemed? That maybe his son, could've been redeemed? Or any of his progeny for that matter? How did it feel when his sons, his progeny, weren't given the same mercy as the Hellborn that Lucifer managed to keep protected through some deal with the angels or god? Not to mention that Charlie could've been his daughter. Charlie is the product of the people who completely and totally destroyed the paradise he'd been born into. She's the daughter who is protected and immune from the slaughter while all of his sons and daughters are judged and killed. I believe, even though he was a dickish prankster to Charlie, he was surprisingly patient and even somewhat amicable, willing to even ask her how her weekend was like he was just trying to get to know her.
Adam could just see all of the angels under his employ as being disposable. He doesn't have to name them, or think about them in any individual fashion. But, he knows Vaggie, recognized her instantly. Thought she was badass. Lute's the one who saw her, tore her wings off, and walked away. I'm surprised they even let her live, because this just goes against everything they're doing. They're an army and they saw one of their own showing empathy to the enemy.
Look at this dumb ass. He's being a shit-head, a dick, a bastard. But, he admires Vaggie's ability to pull Charlie, congratulates her, this dude isn't even judging her for being a lesbian. I don't think it's because he objectifies women, this dude loves women, he just does. He respects fellow vagina lovers. I don't think he respects liars in the slightest though. He's being underhanded, he's trying to be manipulative (he's not very good at it). I think he's brutally open and honest about everything and that's probably one of the reasons he's such a bastard anyways, because sometimes you just need to shut-up and he's not good at that.
I don't think he respects Sera for that either, he's more than willing to let others know what the hell he's doing, but under Sera's lead, he can't be open about it. I don't think it's his jam to act this way, it's why he sucks so bad at it and I think that's why Lilith is so antithetical to him. I also think that's why he's possibly even being manipulated.
It's kind of crazy that Adam is the only one who tries to come up with what allows someone to get into heaven. So here's his list: 1. Act Selfless: Maybe at one point he was! He had to have been, to be one of the progenitors of mankind, he would have had to work, sacrifice, and give to his wife and children for them all to survive. Eve would have had to do the same, no doubt. He may not seem selfless, due to his raunchy behavior, but he's served heaven since he's been there. He's served humanity in some kind of facet. 2. Don't Steal: Considering the only other humans are his spawn, he likely had to try and get them to not steal from one another for them all to have an equal opportunity of survival. He and Eve likely both knew they would need to work together to survive.
3. Stick it to the man: This, however, is interesting. Who is 'The Man' he speaks of? God? The only other people over him or were equal to him were women. He speaks like a rocker, and I think in this case he's using the term 'The Man' in a gender neutral way. I think he allowed some amount of Authority to Lilith when they were supposed to be seen as equals, it comes so naturally to him as a character when it comes to the other women he's been interacting with. I think she is the 'man' that he's been sticking it to- Pun somewhat intended. ((This third one may also simply be a tongue in cheek reference to when Alex Brightman played Dewey in School of Rock on Broadway! Thank you to the user who brought this to my attention!))
Adam is a bit of a hypocrite, isn't he? He likes to fuck, he's made that abundantly clear. Full of lust you could say. It was his original purpose after all, and he is judging Angel Dust for something he probably would've done himself at one point or has considered doing (maybe not the having sex with men part). Angel Dust does all of these things, Adam doesn't even deny it. He even looks nervous. He's angry, but doesn't deny that Angel has done those things. He doesn't explain it away or try to lie or move the goal posts, he's just asking what is an actually very valid question.
Why isn't Angel Dust there if he can do things equal to what Adam himself hasn't done? Serenity continues that line of thought. It isn't until Charlie is realizing no one knows what it takes to get into heaven.
Adam is more than willing to let Lute take the lead here, he's willing to give her the stage to clap back, he's giving her back-up antics. By all means, they could be pushing and fighting one another, there could easily be body language expressing something other than their general comfort around one another. They aren't fighting for a spotlight like you'd expect Adam to try and do considering his egotistical attitude.
Adam fucking sucks at keeping his mouth shut and he sucks at lying. He nearly blew the secret out of the bag once, this time, Sera is the only one who tries to stop him and to be honest? Lute looks a bit too thrilled at it. He knows he fucked up, but he doesn't think it's a big deal that anyone would know. For fucks sake, they've already condemned souls, his progeny, to suffer. What's the big deal if he kills them?
I have to re-iterate what's happening here. Charlie is proud she caused this chaos, that she caused these angels to fight amongst themselves, even if in this case it's a good thing. But, this is like history repeating itself to Adam, the reflection of his ex-wife, entering his domain, causing strife among his people, being happy about it.
And the venom he expresses when it comes to the 'liar' portion, god Alex Brightman destroyed when he got to this portion specifically. There is some vehement disgust in his tone when he says liar.
Adam isn't a good person now. But, I think he used to be a good person. By all means, Adam himself could've been the first murderer when his wife made her mistake. He, at one point in time, had to have been good enough to foster civilization itself with Eve. Both good and bad. Adam's original purpose was to be fruitful and multiply. Ordained by god (or maybe just angels) himself, divine power directed and created him to fuck. He didn't chase his ex-wife down, he was given a new one, Lilith was allowed to leave. When he left things alone, when he tried to move on, his ex-wife and a scorned angel destroyed the paradise he was in with Eve. He had to struggle and toil, he had to feel shame in his own body. He had to find out his first born son was the first murderer. His second son killed. We don't know if this is going to be canon in the story, a lot has changed, and if Adam is the first soul who reached heaven, then what did happen to Abel? Was Abel considered a sinner? Or did Cain kill Abel after Adam had passed? Either way, he had to witness his children kill, he had to watch his descendants behave in a range from saints and monsters. He's seen genocides, he's seen famine, war. Adam is desensitized to the plights of his descendants. Maybe he even saw it as a duty to cleanse the universe of their existence at one point, because they were his responsibility.
At the end of this episode, he is properly scolded by Sera and does seem ashamed of himself. He isn't huffy, he is reminded that he should be ashamed of acting that way.
I love Lute's enthusiasm, she's absolutely brutal when talking about Vaggie and with how she handled Vaggie. I think it's funny that Lute is so brutal she's even made Adam uncomfortable. It's cute that he's made uncomfortable by the excitement and all he does is tell Lute, the premier hype woman over here, to chill. She's so proud of herself too, look at her.
He fully expects these exorcist bad bitches to go in there and fuck shit up. But, you know it's hilarious that he's throwing horns? This dude, this angel. First human soul in heaven, loving rock n' roll, the devil's music, and throwing motherfucking horns. It's poetic really. I think we can probably assume where things are going.
Now, this is the first point we've seen Adam being a real piece of shit to Lute. I don't think Adam likes it when people think he's too dumb to notice something, especially something so damn obvious. This is such a drastic moment of vitriolic, uncontrolled anger directed towards Lute. Adam knows he isn't the brightest tool in the shed. He likely knows he's obtuse and misses shit. It's why he sucks at lying, he knows he's not smart. That is why I think he's afforded women opportunities to direct him without fighting back against their advice and their choices. I'm sure Lilith made it obvious how dumb she thinks Adam is. I'm wondering if this might be where their ground breaking fight might've come from. Who's to say he didn't allow Lilith to take the lead, or listen to her like he's done with Lute here and now? Perhaps to an even greater point? He listened to Eve and ate from the fruit of knowledge and he was punished for it. Being seen as so dumb he can't formulate a simple fact is a sore spot for him.
Adam is incredibly powerful. It took a bit out of him to exercise that power, probably because he's out of practice just like Lucifer said. At one point, he probably wasn't so sloppy and weak willed. He's gotten lazy. Sloth like.
I think it got real personal here. How viscerally and personally he attacked Charlie. No one but Charlie truly thought sinners could be redeemed, or that they were even worth it. Not even one of the original sinners. Maybe he never considered the possibility, maybe what happened really did make him see the world as black and white to cope with that happened to him, his wife, his children. Charlie's desire to fight this idea would destroy the foundation for all of his coping through the years. He stopped seeing them as family, even though he's grandiose about his founding role in humanity. Does that itch the guilt that may lurk under the surface?
I don't think Adam thought much of Charlie at all. I don't think he had any intention of coming to kill her in the beginning, despite seeing her, despite who her parents were. But, I think with the constant push, with how eager she was to disrupt the pre-conceived idea of order, it reminded Adam and reflected her parents so much, he was eager to kill her for revenge against them. I think this electrical interference on the mask is a direct reflection of sin. Namely, wrath, in this moment.
Now, this. THIS. Is something that made me want to write this whole fucking essay. Is Lucifer implying that he not only gave Eve the Fruit from the tree of knowledge, but FUCKED HER TOO? Homies, I'm sorry but holy shit. That is some hydrating tea. I'd be pretty pissed too, fucked over twice by women who were supposed to be literal soul mates, who you were made for, who were made for you?
I knew he would have a goatee, I could almost hear it. I gotta say, I'm a sucker for how he looks. I think he's hot. He is a bastard, but so are a lot of the hot dudes in this show. It's just a theme.
This exact series of lines prompted so many of the thoughts that I had about Adam and why he thinks or acts the way he does. At one point, Adam did have to work himself to the bone and learn to survive from scratch alongside Eve. He isn't entirely without cause to not think that he deserves some respect or recognition from his descendants.
But, that doesn't give him the right to act like god himself. It's... well... Blasphemous. Isn't it? One of the worst sins is to think yourself to be worthy of worship, as if you're a god.
This is the moment that gave me empathy for them both. You could probably see the kind of loving person Adam could have been at one point with how he looks at Lute, even as he's laying there, dying. He's not crying like a bitch, just looking at Lute softly. Lute screaming for him, screaming his name. They cared for each other deeply.
And this... and this.... and this. WHAT DEAL DID YOU MAKE, LILITH? Did you make it with Sera? Did you make it with Adam? Did you make it with Lute? Did you really just want a little 'vacay' away from the hell you helped create? Left her husband, depressed and lonely. Left her daughter without any care or guidance. Maybe Alastor was sent in her place, perhaps? Seven years since he was seen after all, but why wouldn't he show up sooner if Lilith did care? Did she make a deal with Lute and Adam? Did she let Adam smash it so she could stay in heaven? Did Lute let her stay in exchange for getting Adam out of a position of power? Or was it maybe Sera who commissioned Lilith with a deal? Either way, I'm in full belief that it wasn't Adam's idea to move the extermination day up. I think he's a patsy, a scapegoat. I think Lute may have been manipulated, potentially, into manipulating Adam into this position. Was it even really Adam who came up with the idea to do the exterminations? Or was he the one who simply decided to fight originally because he was told heaven was at risk due to Lilith's rising power? The Road to Hell is Paved with Good Intentions. I think it could be any number of these. Either way, Lute certainly does think she had authority over Lilith. Is it Lute just having hubris? Or is Lilith truly bound, just like Alastor, Husk, and Angel Dust?
Of course, now that we know a soul can be redeemed... and we certainly know that angels can fall. I don't think this will be the last we see of Adam.
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel spoilers#adam hazbin hotel#lucifer hazbin hotel#lucifer morningstar#eve hazbin hotel#lilith hazbin hotel#lilith morningstar#character study
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"mithrun is the only real monsterfucker in dungeon meshi" is objectively the funniest bit you can get out of his everything, but in all seriousness i think his attraction to his love interest is deliberately overstated—and that makes sense, because romantic jealousy is a classic and digestible motive, which is explicitly what kabru was aiming for in condensing mithrun's backstory, and also because until chapter 94, mithrun wasn't willing to admit to the true nature of his desires.
but because romantic envy is both classic and digestible, it probably isn’t a unique enough or complicated enough desire to tempt a demon’s appetite. mithrun’s wish, as far as we can figure from kabru’s reduced retelling, was to have a life in which he had never become one of the canaries, and that carries like 3857 implications and desires within it. that’s delicious. his love interest acts as sort of a red herring to his motivation for making it, though. (side note: i'm saying "love interest" here because, keeping in mind that i barely speak japanese on a good day anymore, "想い人" is something i'd usually take as just kind of an old-fashioned and romantic way to refer to a lover, but in context i wonder if both the connotation of yearning and the vagueness are intentional, and i think this phrasing gets those aspects of it more effectively. anyway.)
mithrun considered his love interest to be untrustworthy. there was a minute where i thought that comment might be about a similar-looking elf (yugin, one of his squad members), but comparing the two…
the "sketchy" arrow is definitely referring to the elf we know as his love interest—the bangs go toward her right, she only has the one forehead ornament, and, most notably, her ears aren't notched.
every time she’s given a full-body depiction in his dungeon, she’s drawn as a chimera, with the body of a snake from the waist down. (side note: the “what if a dungeon has chimeras before reaching level 4?”/“then the dungeon lord is unstable” exchange just being mithrun grilling his past self alive is so funny. he’s so. but anyway) there are a couple things about this.
first, the snake part of the chimera appears to be modeled after some species of coral snake mimic
which, in the biology-for-fun manga, i… doubt is a coincidence, especially with the added context of the “untrustworthy” comment. the dungeon’s conjured illusion of mithrun’s love interest was a harmless copycat of a venomous original. for whatever reason, he felt this person was a threat and made up a "safe" version of her to be in a relationship with, and while it’s definitely possible to be attracted to or even love someone you find to be toxic and/or intimidating, when you take that into consideration alongside the configuration of her body, you get some interesting implications.
which brings us to our second point: if we assume that mithrun was not in fact fucking a snake, then sexual attraction, at least, was so far removed from his idea of a relationship with this person that he did not even bother to keep her dungeon copy human enough to maintain the illusion of the option of a sexual relationship. this is somewhat echoed in the depictions of their interactions, which also imply a frankly unexpected romantic distance. she kisses his cheek and he doesn't seem to react; she's at the edge of a narrow bed with only one set of pillows, on top of his blankets while he's underneath them.
the kiss is particularly interesting because it seems to contrast the text. kabru's narration tells us this was everything mithrun could have asked for, but mithrun is there looking unreadable to pensive, likely because this is right before the panel that makes it clear things in the dungeon are beginning to go wrong.
walking through this backwards for a minute, we have the physical barrier of his bedding and the spatial separation inherent in a bed made for one person, the emotional barrier of his mounting anxiety getting in the way of his ability to enjoy the affection he sought, and... the snake, which historically carries the connotation of temptation, yes, but also mistrust, barring physical intimacy. okay. ok. if a dungeon reflects the mentality of its lord, all of this might suggest that mithrun was not able to have any real desire for a relationship with this person. his unwillingness to be vulnerable or let another person in was insurmountable. but in that case, why was she such a focal point that she remained to the end, after his dungeon had stopped creating iterations of his friends to come and visit him? why would he get so upset over her meeting with his brother that he became lord of a dungeon about it?
well. mithrun's brother was also interested in her, probably genuinely. and mithrun had to win.
you have an older brother who your parents completely ignore, probably in part because he is chronically ill/disabled and almost definitely in part because he received a ton of recessive traits that resulted in rumors that he was an illegitimate child. you are aware, most likely because those same parents fucking told you, that you actually are an illegitimate child. but they keep you around because you had the good fortune of looking just like your mother. what can that possibly teach you but that you, like your brother, are disposable?
it's utterly unsurprising that mithrun, under these circumstances, developed a pathological need to be better than everyone around him. people don't keep you otherwise. i'd argue this is also why he says he looked down on everyone he knew while milsiril claims his dungeon reeked of feelings of inferiority—he sought out people's worst traits and prioritized them in his mind to protect his already extremely fragile sense of self-worth, and all the while he tried to be as likable and high-performing as he possibly could be. his parents disposed of him anyway, but even then he tried to keep up the performance. he was kind to everyone. he never once lost to a dungeon.
when he saw his "love interest" meeting up with his brother, what he saw was himself being replaced by a person his parents had always treated as worthless, and if that was what they thought of the child they'd kept, what value could anyone possibly see in the bastard they'd given away to die? mithrun and kabru tell the story like he wanted to win this unnamed elf's heart, but it was never about being with her. it was about cementing his worth, proving that he didn't deserve to be thrown away.
and so it's particularly cruel that his demon discarded him, too. but maybe it's also particularly gentle that, in the end, there was someone who refused to even consider giving up on him.
kui laid it out in three panels better than i could hope to.
yeah. it's love. you wanted to be loved, even when the only way you were able to understand it was through the desire to be wanted, and you wanted that so badly that the idea of being consumed felt like the promise of finally mattering to someone.
#dungeon meshi spoilers#mithrun#dungeon meshi#this has been rotating for a while but i wanted to check my evidence before getting into it thanks user angelspenance for posting that meme#half of this is just the text and the other half i'm sure has been said before but it's making my brain [radio static] so here this is#someone did for sure mention this but i do find it very cute that in his fucked up conjured world meant to portray his ideal reality#his teammates came to visit him. like part of the fantasy was then explicitly that they cared about him and were his friends. even though#he says he tried to see the worst in them.#hm it does feel important to note that i do also believe 100% in mithrun suicidality--his desire to be eaten does seem to focus a lot on#wanting it to be Over. wanting not to be left incomplete and empty anymore.#but that loops back around a bit to the hole in your heart that appears when you feel unloved. it's many things and the same thing at once#snakes#long post#severe problems#meshy
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please do one where Thanos starts off as your unlikely ally in the games, protecting you from danger and helping you survive. Over time, his protectiveness becomes obsessive, and he begins eliminating anyone he sees as a threat to keeping you by his side even as you start to notice his unsettling behavior you can’t escape his grasp🙏
Thanos/Choi Su-Bong - yandere bf
Synopsis: In an attempt to escape from Thanos, you join a game promising money that will help you escape him. Unfortunately, he also seemed to have joined the game.
A/N: I may have combined this with two other requests bc they were all so similar so.. i hope thats okay !!
Warning: yandere thanos, choking
If you had told your younger self you’d be in a game of death with 45.6 billion won up for grabs, you wouldn’t believe it. And yet, it’s true. After the tragedy that was Red Light, Green Light where many people met a rather unfortunate fate, you realized it’d be in your best interest to find someone you can trust and form an alliance with them.
Unfortunately for you, your boyfriend, Thanos, happened to also be a part of the games and had been watching you from a distance since he spotted you in the first game. You had originally wanted to get away from him because he was nothing but toxic though now it seems Thanos was one step ahead of you. That, or you just had terrible luck and Thanos decided to come here on his own accord.
You didn't have time to think about it though because he suddenly got up and left his little group behind to make his way straight to you. He didn't seem happy at all. Perhaps it was because the last conversation you two had was an argument that was left off on a bad note.
“Where have you been? Were you avoiding me? That makes me really fucking mad, you know,” he says as he grabs your wrist so you can't just walk away from him. Not like there was anywhere to go now. You were stuck with him here.
“I was just taking some time for myself,” you respond defensively. You really just wanted to get away from him which is why you were here in the first place. Your original plan was to win some money and then disappear so you'd never have to deal with Thanos and his crazy behavior again. It was suffocating to be near him.
“Time for yourself? Don't fucking lie to me,” he says as he brings you closer to him. Nothing about him was gentle. Not his touches, or his kisses, or anything. “Well, you've had your time. You're not leaving my side now,” he continues as he looks down at you with a glare. He wasn't leaving any room for you to defy him. In his eyes, you belonged to him. You were his property and that meant you couldn't go rogue and do what you want.
“You don't get a say in that,” you say as you lean back slightly to try to create some distance between the two of you. He lets out a bitter laugh before grabbing the back of your head, entangling his fingers in your hair, and forcing you closer. “Yes, I do. In case you forgot, you're stuck in a death game with me. Do you really think anyone else will help you? Nobody else here gives a fuck about you. The moment they get the chance, they'll let a bullet go through your head,” he says as he looks down at you with a slightly crazed look.
You'd like to make a counter point but he’s not exactly wrong. A lot of the people here didn't seem to be trustworthy. Not like Thanos was any better but he probably wouldn't purposely kill you if you didn't piss him off, right? As much as you didn't want to, you realized you didn't have much choice. Unless you want to make an enemy right after the first game, Thanos was your only hope of surviving the rest of the games.
“That's better. Just keep your pretty lips shut and let me do the talking,” Thanos spoke with a slight smirk. You didn't respond to that knowing that you'd likely make some sarcastic quip that would piss him off if you did. You didn't have a choice this time. You couldn't run away to another country. You had to give in just this once.
You'd soon come to regret that decision.
Somehow, Thanos had only gotten worse. He was always right next to you, no matter what. Either his hand would be over your shoulder or he'd have a tight grip on your waist. When it was lights out, he'd force you to sleep in the same bed as him. He'd kiss you all the time too but it was always rough with teeth clashing against each other and his tongue shoved down your throat.
You didn't notice it got worse until it was far too late.
The moment of realization was during the third game. The game was called ‘mingle’ and it was simple enough. A number would be called out and you'd have 30 seconds to form a group of that number before getting inside one of the fifty rooms.
Everyone stood on a circular platform in the center of the room and, per usual, Thanos had his arm over your shoulder, keeping you close to him as he spoke to his other stupid friend. The platform began to spin slowly as a childish song played. When the platform came to a sudden stop and a number was called out you formed a group and ran into a room.
It was all going fine as you planned strategic moves and managed to keep on surviving. At least, it was going well. Until the last round when the number 2 was called.
Thanos had immediately taken your wrist and dragged you towards a room, leaving behind his idiot friend without a second thought. However, the room was quickly stolen by two other players. You thought Thanos would just go to the next room over but that was not what happened.
Instead he pushed open the door and immediately grabbed one of the guys by their hair. He didn't think twice before he forced him out of the room. The other guy made an attempt to help but Thanos slammed him against the wall, his hand going around his throat as he choked him. The look in his eyes was far more scary than you remember. You could hardly process what was happening before the guy was punched in the face and pushed out of the room.
Thanos pulled you in just before the door closed and locked. The sound of gunshots rang out soon after as Thanos huffed in annoyance. He looked guilt free despite the fact he was very much responsible for the death of two people. Actually, now that you really thought about it, he had killed other people in the previous games too.
Fuck. You were beginning to regret your choice of becoming his ally. You'd have much rather found someone else who could protect you from him because he was clearly fucking crazy. Crazier than he used to be. You thought he was just a manipulative, toxic bastard. You didn't think he'd be truly capable of murder.
“Fucking dickheads,” Thanos mumbles under his breath with annoyance before glancing at your face. The corner of his lips quirked up when he noticed your expression and he wandered in front of you. “What? Something wrong?” He spoke though he already knew exactly what you were thinking.
“You killed those people,” you said as you looked up at him with a combination of fear and disbelief. He laughed in response before reaching a hand up and grabbing your face. “For you, baby. I fucking killed them for you,” he said as he looked down at you with a smirk. He found your expression such a turn-on really. The idea you were afraid of him meant you'd submit to him and that's all he wanted.
“You're fucking crazy.. crazier than I thought,” you spoke as you tried to step back and create some distance between the two of you. In response, he slammed you against the wall and got very close to you.
“You're only just realizing this? You don't realize when I snapped the ankle of that bastard who looked at you so he'd lose? You didn't realize when our ‘friend’ and I returned but he had a bleeding nose?” He spoke as he got into your face with a dangerous grin. Well, when he said it like that, it became abundantly clear he had been killing and hurting people left and right since day one and all for you. You just had been too caught up in his behavior towards you that you didn't notice how he acted with others.
“Mm. Fuck, I love that look on your face. You're so afraid. Good. Because you're going to learn that you're mine forever, yeah?” He spoke as he brought a hand to your throat and squeezed it tightly. He let out a laugh as he choked you like it was the funniest thing in the world before slamming his lips to yours in a rough kiss.
It was then you realized that, no matter how hard you tried to escape, you were his now - you always have been - and you will never taste freedom on your tongue again.
#thanos squid game#squid game#squid game 2#squid game season 2#squid game x reader#thanos x reader#choi su bong smut#choi su bong
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