#and like. that's basic. that's your whole shtick guys.

[mademoisellesarcasme]

look if you have a browser version and it doesn't work at all on mobile browser even when I set it to "desktop version" and I send you a help request letting you know that your mobile browser version lacks some basic functionality and you ask me if I've tried the app

i have but i don't want to download an app if i'm doing this mobile once or twice a year at MOST so can you please. fix the mobile browser functionality. please.

[lesbianusahana]

Sighs so incredibly loudly

[dible-png]

Some more splat!riptide cause you guys like it :) these are my rough early campaign designs I also have a few hcs for this hehe

Gill

basically the same as normal riptide, except he’s from some sort of advanced salmonid society under the green seas where inklings/octolings dissolve

weird ass creature that crawled to the surface from the deep who gawks at inkling society (so same as 8s backstory as well as his og backstory)

probably still the chosen one- maybe an elite soldier? Or boss salmonid at least

Pretzel is either just a normal talking pet critter like moe or order OR a child octoling gill just,,, found??

Instead of the lux pearl he’s got a mythical golden egg

Jay

she’s an ex elite Octarian soldier :) I think she’s best suited as an octoling since her backstory is almost one for one w marinas lol

she abandons the signature seaweed hairpieces later on when she’s more integrated and confident

Chip

he’s a street rat inkling prolly akin to your average joe

he’s got burnt tentacles because of the whole sorcerer shtick

109(?) spoilers!! His uh undying translates to sanitization and he becomes a sentient sanitized zombie

I don’t think they would outright be only pirates in this au, as gillion and the tidestriders/riptide pirates can def be seen as an idol group and they kinda function like chaotic agents!

Anyways I enjoy these two things dearly if you can’t tell 🫶

[thewertsearch]

We should hurry this along. My visitor is beginning to set things on fire. […] TT: Who? Some guy. I was joking anyway. I am not in a hurry at all.

You said you should hurry, which is different from saying that you're in a hurry.

If the Alpha Timeline decrees that this conversation will be rushed, then it's still accurate to say it 'should' be hurried, even if Scratch isn't personally pushed for time.

TT: I thought you didn't lie. TT: Aren't jokes essentially humorous lies? Jokes are only temporary lies. If the falsehood is never exposed, there is no punchline. If the punchline is never delivered, the lie is sealed forever, regardless of initial humorous intent.

And this is just bullshit.

First of all, admitting that you lied doesn't retroactively negate the lie. That's not how any of this works. Scratch is just unilaterally deciding that falsehoods only 'count' when they're permanent, a rule he pulled completely out of his foamy ass.

Even if we accept his premise - which I don't - he could still wait arbitrarily long before revealing his falsehood, so that Rose doesn't realize she's been played until it's too late. This definition doesn't meaningfully restrict him from lying, and I think it's purely designed to confuse Rose.

[…] Lies are not funny. TT: I think if you're going to risk tarnishing your record of honesty, you should probably get better material. My joke was objectively funny. Who would know better than I?

And these? These are opinions, which don't have objective truth values. There are so many strings attached to Scratch’s ‘I don't lie’ shtick, I could knit him a better outfit.

Not that it matters, because Rose is in too deep. She's not going to back out now, no matter how suspicious this guy is.

TT: So you're saying an inaccurate statement doesn't count as a lie, as long as you say "just kidding" later? Basically. TT: What if it's much later? Is it still "just a joke?" No, that would be something closer to a prank.

I appreciate that Rose is trying, but her language is still too imprecise. Scratch is immortal, and it's impossible to know what ‘much later’ means to him. For god's sake, he's having this conversation in a single extended second! Give us some hard numbers, fucker!

TT: Are you allowed to lie about playing pranks? If I asked you if you were playing a prank on me, would you tell the truth? I am allowed to do whatever I want. I choose never to lie. I also choose to tell jokes now and then, and to play pranks quite sparingly.

See, the trap Rose is falling into is that she’s buying into the premise of the game. She's delving deep into the intricacies of Scratch's rules, and in the process, has completely forgotten to be skeptical of the guy who's explaining them.

Scratch tailors his manipulation style to whoever he's talking to - and if anyone's susceptible to a nerd-snipe, it's the Seer of Light.

But I can say that I have never played a prank on you, and no statement I have made to you thus far, or will make in this conversation, will contain any trace of falsehood for the sake of setting up a joke or a prank, with the exception of the joke I just made, and another one I will make very soon.

Like – let’s take this statement as an example. We could review the entire conversation with it in mind, and try to puzzle out where the setup for Scratch’s second ‘joke’ is, if it exists at all. Rose is probably doing exactly that – and in the process, has completely forgotten that he just said that he’s fully capable of lying.

He’s literally telling her to her face that he’s deceiving her, but she's too caught up in his games to pay attention. This is what it means to play with your cards face up, and it’s as impressive as it is terrifying.

TT: I'm starting to change my mind. Oh? TT: Yes. I think your joke was funny in retrospect. Actually, your whole shtick is pretty good. I'm warming up to it.

It’s great! He’s a good villain! He’s a puppet who’s got everyone else tied up in strings!

[wakeup01]

The Premium Member

You’ve grown tired of all the familiar fucks and basic twinks on the dating app you normally use, and you’re really in the mood for a new hole to abuse. After searching your phone online you come across an app you’ve never seen before and quickly go to download it.

Upon startup it immediately bombards you with an ad to join their ‘premium service’, no thanks, why would you pay to fuck someone. You close the pop-up without even reading what the ‘benfits’ are. You set up an account and enter all your details into the profile, although some of the required information is slightly abnormal. Intelligence level? You’re assigned an profile ID number, just a string of random figures.

There’s an option at the bottom, ‘premium member matches allowed’. Well why not? If they wanna pay like idiots that’s fine by you. After confirming you are treated to pages and pages of terms of service. Yeah, nobody reads this and you quickly agree without a second thought.

Only a minute passes before ‘premium member match’ flashes up on screen. A profile is pulled up, ‘ScallyDom’ is the username, 22 years old. What the hell? You’re here to fuck an easy hole, why would you be interested in a dom, geez.

The picture on display is of some smug arsehole with his middle finger pointed at the camera, wow, people go for this shtick? You attempt to close the profile but your phone is completely unresponsive. The ‘agree match’ button lights up and all of a sudden your phone seems to start acting on it’s own volition. A message appears on screen:

ScallyDom: ‘You look like a good fuck.’

‘With some obvious changes, fancy boy.’

‘Can’t believe you willingly agreed to match to premium members, moron.’

Yeah, arsehole was right. You try but you can’t even message back. Instead the screen scrolls down without your input, almost like, well almost like he has control of…. Fuck.

You immediately go to turn your phone off, nothing. What the hell, this guy’s somehow hacked your device? He scrolls to an entry titled ‘edit profile’ and all of your information is pulled up in front of you.

ScallyDom: ‘Look at this bellend, think you’re all that huh?’

‘A top? Yeah right mate, you look more like a bottom bitch to me.’

‘Let’s fix you :p’

As if he couldn’t get more insufferable. The first detail he selects is cock size, a drop down menu appears, ‘Large’ is currently selected.

ScallyDom: ‘This doesn’t work for me. You’re gonna be taking dick, fuckwad. You don’t need much down there.’

He selects ‘Small’ in the menu and confirms the change. Hilarious, you think; a real preschool level mentality here. A second passes and you feel an embarrassing twinge in your downstairs area. What just happened? Nothing, there’s no way anything happened you tell yourself. You do however open your trousers and pull down your underwear. Fuck. You visibly see your cock begin to shrink before your very eyes. This can’t be real, it’s not possible.

ScallyDom: ‘How you like that princess, is your little nub getting hard yet?’

A submenu appears. Caged: Yes.

click

You immediately look back down… there’s a pink chastity cage casing your once large dick. Your balls are pulled taut and you can’t help but feel yourself throb. Time for drastic measures you conclude, lifting your phone. You prepare to throw it and end this when…

ScallyDom: Trigger: attentive mode. Open camera.

You suddenly lose all control of your arms and your phone is brought back up to your face, the camera activates.

ScallyDom: ‘Hey there pretty boy. Don’t look so upset, won’t be long and you’re be fit for purpose’.

Despite your best efforts you can’t move, you’re stuck sat there, looking gormless into your phone camera. Your tiny dick twitches again in its restraints. When you get your hands on this guy… The screen starts moving again and settles on age. You watch as the age ticks down to 19 years old. The screen then switches over to the camera, and there you are staring back.

Your whole face begins to tingle and then a burning heat takes over. It’s almost like your body is being re-molded. Your muscles deflate until you have a decidedly slender, feminine looking body. All of the imperfections are seared from your face. As your new appearance takes shape it becomes obvious that this isn’t a young version of yourself. Unbeknownst to you ‘ScallyDom’ has uploaded an image for your new face to match. Frankly, you look like a doll. The sort of face you’d see when applying 15 filters to an image. If you were on the other end, you’d fuck this face. Unfortunately, this is apparently you now.

ScallyDom: ‘Still think you’re going to be fucking anyone with a face like that? You’re designed to take cock.’

Your lips begin to puff up and pull forward, now stuck in a perpetual ‘duck face’ pout. He goes back into the options and highlights ‘Butt status’. As a top you currently have ‘virgin hole’ selected. He quickly changes that and settles on ‘experienced hole’. You have got to be joking! Immediately the sensation of your cheeks parting presents itself. You squirm in your seat as your hole opens up invitingly. You feel a gaping, empty hole back there. Briefly the thought of it being filled enters your brain. Something, anything needs to fill that void.

ScallyDom: ‘Should be capable of accommodating me now, cocksleeve.’

‘Bet you’re feeling pretty hungry at this point lol.’

You’d love for him to be wrong but you can’t deny how horny you’re feeling, it’s like your new body is designed to take cock. At some point he had changed your clothes, a fluorescent pink crop top with the words ‘I’m on bottom’ didn’t really scream subtlety. A skimpy pair of booty shorts left barely anything to the imagination. Even the guys you went for weren’t this blatantly desperate and basic, you’re like a ‘fuck me’ sign walking.

He doesn’t hesitate to move to several new options, Butt size: ‘Bubble’ and Hair: ‘Buzzcut Fade, Blonde. No body hair.’

The hair on your head begins to recede back into your skull until there’s a couple of millimetres left on top. It lightens until it’s a stark platinum blonde. Great, people are going to assume you’re a ditzy airhead. The rest of your body smooths out completely, your skin is becoming much more sensitive. Your butt tingles once again as it begins to ballon out from behind you. Leaving a nice round cushion that jutts out noticeably, like a shelf. A moan escapes your pouty lips and your face turns red from embarrassment. You look like a twink through and through. This has to end soon, everything will go back to normal you repeatedly try and convince yourself.

ScallyDom: ‘Can’t wait to fuck that face, mate. Bet you’re still convinced you’re a top right?

You don’t like the sound of where this is going. Your ‘Top’ status is highlighted. No, there’s no chance in hell you’re ever going to bottom anyone, especially this cocky dirtbag. ‘Slutty bottom’.

Fuuuckk, you feel so empty. Something is missing from your life, well cock obviously. Your thoughts all shift at once, like you’ve just arrived at the wrong floor. The slut floor. Your hips begin to gyrate slowly. Once again you moan, but this time you don’t try and hold back. Your voice seems to be higher.

ScallyDom: ‘A bitch in heat if I’ve ever seen one. Lets start wrapping things up.’

You’re too busy thrusting your little nub to even bother reading his message. Internally you’re trying to pull yourself together, but your new desires are getting the better of your logical thoughts. Speaking of… Intelligence level: ‘Above average’ is replaced by Below average on a sliding scale, and gets dangerously close to ‘Poor’.

You giggle. This app is sooo confusing. Your head fills with pink cotton candy. Pink like your little cage. You giggle again, just like a schoolgirl. Can’t this guy just fuck your brains out already, gawd. Your eyes dilate and go vacant, your mouth opens slightly.

ScallyDom: ‘You’re made for fucking, not thinking boy toy. Don’t worry though, you got me to help you.’

This guy is like, so mean. Just because you’re a ditzy slut doesn’t mean you don’t have standards, although you bet his cock is pretty juicy. He goes into your relationship status on the app, listed as ‘single’. Several different choices appear, one of which scares you: ‘owned’. Please…anything but that.

‘Owned’ is selected and a second entry opens to type in the owner. Your new master types in his name and your whole world view begins to shift again. At one point you thought him to be a jerk, but all of a sudden he’s the centre of your world. You’d do anything for your sexy master, and you feel honoured to be his.

ScallyDom: ‘You’re now my legal property cocksleeve. Like a chair or a table. Not so high and mighty now, fucking dunce.’

He’s only stating facts, you agree. You are pretty dumb, but that’s okay. Master knows what’s best anyway. Your name is erased from the profile and is replaced by Cali. Immediately it’s like your old name is deleted from your memory. You desperately try to recall what it used to be, but you can only ever remember being known as Cali. It’s probably much cuter than your old stuffy name anyway, Cal-ee. It’s also easy for you to say, long names are like, so hard.

He reaches the end of your profile page and presses ‘save changes’. A warning screen appears:

‘Caution, changes are not made permanent until match is tagged in person by premium member.’

There’s a rush of relief in the back of your head. A small part of you is desperately clinging on to your old identity. Though, It’s becoming so hard to think of anything else other than being mercilessly fucked by master.

ScallyDom: ‘disable attentive mode’.

You feel control coming back to your body.

‘We need to get you fixed, come to this address.’

Fixed? That sounds good, you’d like to be fixed. Wait, wasn’t there a reason you didn’t want to see him in person? But how could you refuse, he was your master after all. Your fingers begin typing.

Cali: ‘Yes sir.’

ScallyDom: ‘Good boy’.

The praise sends a shiver of pleasure down your spine. Without a thought you get up and leave for his flat.

His place isn’t exactly in the best part of town, what do they call it again? A council place… flat. You’re standing in front of his door with this nagging feeling that you should turn around and leave. This might be your last chance.

Before you can consider that, the door flings open and your brain turns to white noise at the sight of your master. You can’t even speak, you just stand there pathetically. Gawd, he’s hot in his tracksuit, you stare at a noticeable outline snaking down his leg.

“Get’in.” He orders and you don’t hesitate to obey, trailing behind him as leads you into the flat.

A rather potent smell hits your nose immediately, it’s like walking into a locker room; a mix of sweaty feet and, ugh, cum… Focus! You need him to fix you, ask him to turn you back. Back to what, you’re not entirely sure but that annoying voice in the recess of your head seems insistent on it.

“Need fix.” You squirm.

“Did I say you could fuk’ing speak fag!” He grabs a hold of your shoulder.

“Sorry sir.”

“Hav’ ya fix right here”

He pushes down on you and you feel your body lower with little resistance. He stops once you are on your knees, eye level with his crotch. He pulls on the waistband of his trackies and his 8 inch cock springs loose. His own ‘premium member’. If you were a cartoon character, you imagine this is where your eyes would fly out of their sockets with heart shapes. Instead you have to settle with looking cross-eyed at his fat member while your mouth salivates.

“Let’s put one of these holes to use.” His hand moves to the top of your head as he holds you in place.

With his other hand he begins to guide his cock towards your waiting mouth, it slips between your plump lips and continues effortlessly until it hits the back of your throat. Your mouth is now brushing up against the dusting of hair on his crotch. He holds the position for a few seconds as his strong musk invades your nose.

Without hesitation he quickly pulls back and then all the way back in. Out, in, out in. His hips move like a jackhammer, your eyes watering. Your head remains held in place as he forcefully fucks your mouth hole, making sure you take the entirety of his dick with each thrust. The thoughts in your head grow even thicker, dislodged, as if he is literally fucking your brains out. This isn’t quite the ‘fix’ you had in mind. However, your caged dick isn’t complaining, as it dribbles continuously into your pants.

“Better get ready to swallow!” He grunts from above you.

His thrusting picks up in pace, your face beginning to feel like a receptacle for his dick. He pushes all the way in one last time and holds it as his cock explodes. Load after load is flooded into your mouth, you start to swallow, the creamy liquid gliding down your throat. It’s like sucking on a particularly thick milkshake, although this tastes even better. You can let yourself enjoy this once, then we can get back to fixing things, the voices in your head negotiate.

He pulls out with a plop, dripping his juices onto the floor. You make sure to clean up every drop, without even being asked.

“Fuck, you’re a natural cocksleeve. What are you?” He asks as you look admirably up at him.

“Umm……cocksleeve.” Don’t giggle, don’t giggle.

*Giggle*

It was like trying to hold back a hiccup.

“Haha, god’s your dumb.” The laugh cuts straight through you.

There’s a puddle forming beneath you as your nub continues to leak shamelessly. Your master pulls you to your feet, he’s so much taller than you.

“Need to be tagged ho. Lets see that bubble butt of yours.”

There was something about being tagged earlier, tagged was bad? It was so hard to remember, maybe that was the fix. Hopefully it would clear up this thick cotton stuffing your little head. You drop your clothes, a thin line of pre hangs from your pink cage. You put your hands on your lower legs and bend forward so your butt sticks out towards him. Master pulls out a small device, it looks a bit like a price gun.

“Should hav’ read those terms of service, you are now mine fuck slut.”

Master always has the best names for you, but you have no idea what he’s talking about. He seems happy so you smile dimly.

The device is held against your lower back, just above your jiggling butt. There’s a whine and a minor stinging sensation. The device is pulled away, revealing a series of numbers lasered into your skin. It’s your profile ID number from the app. Your brain clicks, like a key being turned. In an instant that annoying little voice is silenced as the cotton covers all your thoughts.

“Oh thuck, maaaaster!” You whine in your effeminately high voice.

Your caged dick spurts the floor; your old personality ejaculated, nothing more than a pathetically small pool of cum between your legs. You find yourself loudly panting.

“Mouth open, now.” Master spins you around so you are once again facing him.

You open your mouth wide, a metal ring is pushed into your open jaw. He fastens it tight on your head and you close your mouth around it. The ring gag keeps your mouth open in an O shape, saliva begins to naturally gather at the end of your tongue.

“Me ‘in the footie team got practice tomorrow. You won’t mind if we share you after the game, Cali. The lads tend to get pretty pent up.” Master gives you a cocky smile.

You imagine being passed around by the team in the locker room, them calling you names as you obediently polish their poles from both ends. Their sweaty crotches slapping against your face.

Your tongue lolls out of your mouth and your ass quivers.

You can’t wait.

[malereadermaniac]

Bug-a-boy ~ Luka & Adrien x Male Reader

Idk about this one... but I wanted to write it. Basically a miraculous holder reader x adrien and luka College Au: Luka - 19 / Adrien - 18 / Reader - 18 word count: 1.2k m!reader (no genitalia mentioned) / FDNI

Your college class is huge

But it's to be expected, you do go to the most popular college in Paris

You share the class with a group of friends that came from Francoise Dupont

Luckily, the groups appointed leader befriended you pretty early into the year

Marrientte Dupain-cheng was the kindest girl you knew

And her friends: Alya, Nino, Adrien and Sabrina weren't too bad either

Actually, you liked them a lot, and you were glad that they wanted to be friends with you

There was also this other guy from the year above, Luka

You didn't talk to him much, but the others were fond of him

But the few times you two did talk, he was nothing but calm and welcoming

All in all, you love your college and your friends

However...

The one setback to coming to Paris for school, was the Akuma's

After Hawk-moth's fall, a new owner of the Butterfly miraculous came to power

But to counteract that, Paris has its own team of Miraculous bearers

The only problem was, currently, Paris has no ladybug...

During a massive fight against a very powerful, akumatized villain, Ladybug was hit, and her powers disappeared

Well, not literally, she remained transformed, however the villains power made it as if she were a regular adult wearing a superhero costume...

After sending Chat Noir, Rena Rouge and Viperion off to distract the villain, a now powerless Ladybug was running over to your college

After swapping out her miraculous from the Ladybug to another one, "Ladybug" finds you, hidden inside of a locker

"AHHHH! ANOTHER VILLAIN!" You shout, not recognising Ladybug with a new miraculous

"Not quite, (y/n)" she chuckles

"It's me, Ladybug. But my miraculous has been rendered useless..."

"Oh... I'm so sorry, Ladybug, wish I could help you somehow" you sympathise

"There is." Ladybug looks into your eyes with determination

"(Y/n) (L/n), here is the miraculous of the Ladybug, it offers the power of creation. I entrust you with this miraculous to fulfill my role while I can't, after that, you're to return these earrings to me - understood?" Ladybug explains with a grin

"Yes, Ladybug! I won't disappoint you"

After putting on the earrings the kwamii appears, explains the whole shtick and you get going

"Tikki, Spots on!" You shout and then you're set

"Once I'm fixed by the miraculous ladybugs, I'll use the horse miraculous to teleport you back to me, okay?"

"Of course Ladybug!"

And you were off, using your yo-yo to swing around the streets of Paris until you reached the action

A now powerless Rena Rouge trying to distract the villain as Chat Noir and Viperion try to figure out a plan while fighting the thing

"What the fuck..." Chat mumbles when you catch his eye, waving at him in a coy manner from a roof top

Both men watch you, confused as you jump down to them

"Who are you? Where's Ladybug??" Viperion questions frantically

"She decided to pass her miraculous onto me for a little while until we solve this little issue"

"Fine by me as long as you know what you're doing, bug-a-boy" Chat noir slyly remarks as he leans on his pole

"Bug-a-boy... I like that" you giggle and then get to business

Immediately you call on your lucky charm

"Yep, defiantly a real Ladybug holder haha! What you gonna do with that bugg-a-boy" Chat noir laughs as you hold onto a seemingly useless looking lucky charm

"I do, actually!" You say with a smile

"Just follow my lead boys, if you can keep up" you chuckle as you use your yo-yo to swing into action

"Damn, that boy has more charisma than you Chat Noir" viperion chuckles

"He does, doesn't he..."

The two of them follow you quickly

"Rena! I'm gonna need you to get that thing under the arc-de-triumph!" You shout as you wizz past

"I'm on it"

"Viperion, once that villain" is under the Arc, use your second chance immediately please"

"Of course bug-a-boy" viperion smirks

Chat Noir looks at you smugly

You start to mark X's on the Arc using the bucket of paint your lucky-charm gave you

"I can see where this is going" the black cat chuckles

"Then you know when and where to use your cataclysm, kitty noir" you tease and spring into action when you see Rena Rouge and the villain coming your way

Once the villain is under the Arc, you use shout for Chat noir

He heads to one of the marks but before Chat can call his power, Viperion shouts

"Not that one! Try the one below it"

And so, once Chat Noir cataclysm's the Arc, it crumbles to pieces and buries the villain, one of the pieces crushing his akumatized item

"Bye bye little butterfly" you say with a chuckle, as the 3 other hero's watch you

The 2 men chuckling as a faint blush cover their faces

"Not a bad job for your first time, bug-a-boy"

"Do you really need to flirt with every Ladybug holder, Chat?" Rena jokes

"Yeah! Look at him, he's creeped out by you, he'd much prefer a snake over a cat" Viperion joins in

"What is up with you two"

"Haha, I like this team.... Miraculous Bug-a-boy!" You shout as you throw up the lucky-charm

5 seconds later, a portal appears next to you

"Good work, everyone!" A horse miraculous bearing Ladybug pops out

"Ladybug?!" Everyone questions

"Good job picking this one, Ladybug" Viperion chuckles as he puts an arm on your shoulder

"I look forward to seeing you soon again, mi'lord~" Chat Noir teases as he kisses your hand

"That's enough Chat Noir, you'll see him soon enough!" Ladybug chuckles as she brings you through the portal after your goodbyes

After handing back the miraculous, life went back to normal, except that Ladybug started to call on you more often, but with a different miraculous this time

Life at school was normal as always

However when you were out with the hero gang, you'd noticed Chat Noir and Viperion becoming cosier to you than they were to the others...

Like when Chat Noir started bringing you roses every time you were called on

Or one time, Viperion used his second chance to have "a perfect conversation" with you during patrol with you

You were flattered, but a little worried that the two were taking it too far

It had gotten to the point where the two of them were fighting, passive aggressive remarks and even disrupting fights against villains with their arguing

That was until Ladybug struck then a deal

"I will tell you his identity if you both stop this bickering, its becoming a problem. If you don't, I will take your miraculous"

Of course they both agreed

And that's when your school life changed as well

Because Adrien and Luka started bombarding you during your school day

Adrien already sat next to you in class, but during lunch Luka was on you like a snake to a rat

You were getting overwhelmed, but then again you loved the attention you were getting from them

After all, you hadn't ever had a boyfriend, this could be a nice change

Soon, the two of them started noticing that the other liked you

So they decided to combine their efforts

"Which one of us do you like the most!?!?" The two of them shout at you in frustration after weeks of trying to win you over

"I... I don't know! Okay?! I like you both... I don't wanna hurt one of you by rejecting you for the other"

"Then.... date us both?" Luka suggests with a smile

It took some convincing but the two of them managed to convince you

And life has been so much better since

[fuck-customers]

Customer got pissed cause I refused to take his change.

This was an obligatory "oh wait I have the change" only said after you've already input the amount they hand you first moment. As it stands, I've been working with registers and money for years now, so needless to say I'm quick at getting change to avoid this exact instance. 9/10 times I manage to have their change ready before the dreaded "oh actually" even leaves their stupid mouths. As was the case in this scenario. Guy's purchase was 34.70 or some shit, he hands me a 50. Okay cool. I put it in, and as I'm getting his bills he goes "Actually, I have the 4.70" and proceeds to start pulling out piles, and I mean fucking PILES, of 10/20 cents. I look at that, look at him, and then hold out the change with a "That's okay. Here's your change."

He frowns, in the way they usually do when dipshits realise they can't offload a small fortune in loose coins, and goes: "No, I'll give you the 4.70"

"No, that's okay. I've already put it through. Here you go."

"But I'm tired of carrying all of this around" (then go to a fucking bank, jackass)

"Sorry, once the money enters the register it's against policy to alter it" (a lie. I'm just too lazy and underpaid to count all that)

He then proceeds to scatter what coins he'd managed to scrap out across the counter and basically demand I take it. I'm like lol no get fucked, just take ur change dick (customer service translation: I'm sorry sir, I can't do that. If you'd like, there's a change box in the players area, or you could make another purchase equal to that amount?)

He starts on this tyraid about how I'm just lazy (true) and the whole "kids don't want to work" spiel 🥱 Yeah yeah, whatever guy. Been there, heard this shit a million times. Be original or get outta my line.

At this stage I'm over holding his money out so I just put it down on the counter, and that sets him off even more. Goes off about how I couldn't even 'hand it to him like a decent person' (ironic, coming from the guy who just threw a small bounty on said counter) and snatches his money up with the, also obligatory, "I won't be coming back." Good. Don't. Find a bank and have them deal with your shit, crybaby.

If you're waiting in line at a grocery store/restaurant/anywhere, get your fucking money ready beforehand. If you know you have change you want to get rid of, have it on hand. Don't pull the 'let me fuck up your total and make you look like a moron while your brain short-circuits trying to find the new total' shtick. If you do this, you're garbage.

Posted by admin Rodney

[liyawritesss]

ᴛʜᴇᴍ ᴛᴇᴀᴄʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴏᴡ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴜᴇʟ

-> synopsis: you've never dueled before, despite being in the presence of dueling legends. what happens when they decide to teach you? do you fold under the pressure, or do you show your teacher who's the real master of duel monsters?

-> pairing: yugi moto | jaden yuki | yusei fudo + black!gn!reader

-> from: yu-gi-oh! abridged, yu-gi-oh! gx, yu-gi-oh! 5ds

-> contains: can be read as either platonic or romantic, ot3 protags, 2nd person ('you', 'your', 'yours')

-> a/n: I've been rewatching yugioh and as always I fall in love with this show all over again - it was a pivotal show in my childhood that'll always hold a special place in my heart. this really came abt bc I was thinking of yusei....yeah he's my lil yeah yeah 🫶🏾 we got mad history. okay, anyway, hope you guys enjoy!

-> join my taglist!

-> tags: @mbakuetshurisprincess @shuriszn @writingintheshadowsforever @cafehyunji @niyahwrites @marsfunzon22 @briology @asensitivecookie @moon-bo-young @flo-milli-shit-hoe @romiantic @shuinami @badass-dora-milaje @uranometrias @elvenxwarrior

yugi moto

-> yugi would jump at the opportunity to teach you how to duel. at this point, it stands as one of his love languages, so expect him to be a bit giddy about it.

-> one day after classes he brings you to the game shop and his grandpa can immediately tell from the smile on his face that it's you that has him this happy. after introducing you to him, yugi asks if his grandpa has any starter decks you can use to learn with. as grandpa moto goes to search for one, yugi takes the opportunity to point out certain cards on display, telling you about their mechanics and histories as if he's an expert on them. you note how animated he gets about them and it's honestly so cute how passionate he is; it even gets you pumped up a little.

-> grandpa moto hands off the started deck and the two of you retreat to the upstairs unit and to his room. once settled, he starts laying down the ground rules, showing you the basics with his own deck before starting up a practice duel. At certain points he'll show you different ways you can play strategies to get the best outcome, coaching you until you get the hang of it. yugi let's you make mistakes on your own but points them out so that you don't end up doing them again.

-> he's the kind of teacher to walk you through things carefully - not necessarily hold your hand the entire way, but he knows it can be intimidating to be thrown in on the deep end with no support, so he takes his time. it takes a couple days of coming over to his place and practicing with the spare deck until most of the rules and basics stick to your brain, and pretty soon, you gain the confidence to duel him without his guidance, and even in school during lunch or down time in front of people (youd been previously embarrased to do so bc of your amateurity)

-> honestly, seeing you grow comfortable with dueling and loving the game just as much as him makes him admire like you ten times more. the disappointment he feels when you beat him is quickly replaced, if it wasn't feigned all along, with a sense of pride that this is the very unique and special connection he has with you, and he definitely cherishes it.

jaden yuki

-> so like.....if you want to learn *seriously* how to duel, don't go to this guy. jaden's whole shtick is having fun and feeling the adrenaline that comes with dueling, the high that he gets is unlike any other and unique to him in his eyes, and so mainly, he's gonna focus on the more fun side of dueling instead of the actual logistics of it.

-> it did come as the consequence of a dare, so you can't really blame him for not taking it seriously at first. It was either that, or sneak into the obelisk blue dorm and take a dip in the obnoxiously large pool they have - and jaden was already in the hot seat and couldn't risk any more shenanigans at the moment.

-> that is to say, he's not necessarily a *bad* teacher. he's just not the kind of guy to be all....teacher-y about it. He's gonna make it fun and engaging, but you're gonna have to be the one asking the questions and taking the lead on your duel monsters learning.

-> for jaden, he's gonna lean more into the 'dive head first' kind of strategy. he'll wanna start a duel up right away, and while you don't necessarily understand what's going on, you trust jaden enough to follow his lead on things, and gradually, you pick up on certain things based on his own dueling strategy. the easier parts, such as setting traps and spells and basic summoning techniques, gravitate to you quickly, and jaden gets more excited the faster you pick it up, since it means the duel itself can pick up speed.

-> jaden does give you feedback though, and this is obviously after he's went wild and had his fun. I think he'd make jokes about your mistakes so you won't feel bad about them and to alleviate any pressure you may be feeling. after all, dueling is suppose to be fun (such a shocker compared to the world they live in). but over all, jaden makes sure you experience the fun that comes with dueling while still showing you the basics so that they stick.

-> the first time you beat jaden, he's honestly kind of dumbfounded...and so are you. neither of you realize what's happened after a few minutes, but when you do, of course jaden's initial response is for a rematch. you think it's because he wants to see if you can do it again, and while that's partially true...he also just wants to one up you and get that adrenaline rush again. it turns into a long-winded back and forth thing throughout the duration of your time at duel academy - you beating him, he beating you - until your last duel ends in a draw and you ultimately call a truce.

-> jaden thinks youre the only one who can match his energy during a duel and thats what really spurs him on. it's only natural that since he's the one that taught you, you'd have a more spontaneous style to the game, and that's what jaden seeks out during duels - someone to keep up with him and to keep the energy alive. believe it or not jaden gets a teeny hit jealous when you show that kind of energy to someone else in a duel. you find him pouting like a puppy and when you ask what's wrong, he just says "nothin'" because even he doesn't know why he acts like that, until Cyrus starts teasing him about potentially liking you....and it starts becoming a serious accusation the more Jaden refuses to respond to them.

yusei fudo

-> now don't hate me ... and don't hate him, but yusei is the kind of teacher who makes you work for it. hes not gonna give you the answer ir explain things to you right away, because to him it takes away the the whole point of learning how to duel *your* way. there's never gonna always be someone in your corner giving you a play by play for each turn, so you have to be able think fast and critically on your own to survive in a real duel.

-> it comes about as a sort of 'service exchange' - he needs help with some diagnostic software runs on his duel runner, and in exchange, he teaches you the fundamentals of dueling, as you've never actually learned even though you've been running with his crew for some time. so he deems it about time you learned (y'know, now that there isnt an imminent threat of world destruction to stop you).

-> he'll either tell you constantly "youre not suppose to do that" over and over again, or when you make a suspicious or an off move, he'll ask "why'd you do that?" and it lowkey frustrates you, because you're not being told exactly what's wrong so you can fix it. he doesn't let you get frustrated to the point where you get pissed off and want to stop, though - he'll ask you different questions to gage your thinking before showing you how it's done on his end. that mostly means you losing the practice duels, though, but you don't mind, as with each match, you learn a little more, until you can finally take him in a hand-to-hand duel without any guidance.

-> turbo dueling is a completely different beast though - one that damn near gets you in the hospital. Granted, you've only ridden Yusei's bike a handful of times in situations that were also life or death, so you're not completely experienced with it. of course, he's smart, and has you ride it around a couple of times to get the feel of it before having the speed world spellcard engage. though both of you quickly learn that with the added pressure of maintaining speed as well as focusing on driving and playing the game was too much....so you both agree that maybe turbo dueling isn't for you just yet.

-> yusei always makes time to have a duel with you if you ask him. given the amount of times he's had to duel for the sake of the world, it's definitely a change of pace just having a tabletop duel for fun. he's also always on the lookout for cards that could be useful for whatever kind of deck you intend to build for yourself, and even asks the twins about any new releases in the city that you might be interested in. akin to his silent caring personality, he'll also gift you a duel disk of your own, fitted to your arm size and adjustable as well.

-> you better believe this guy gets extremely excited when you win a duel, whether it be against him or anyone else. he may be a bit of a hard teacher, but it's all so rewarding in the end when you can stand on your own against an opponent; especially with those endearing acts of praise like a nice pat on the head, shoulder, or back and even a tight bear hug. the guys may tease him a bit for always having a smile on his face whenever he's in the stands watching you duel, but it falls on deaf ears to yusei, who's always gonna sport a neverending smile of pride

If you enjoyed, please leave a like, comment, and reblog for others to see! And don’t be shy to send in a request!

[rockybloo]

Feel like dropping a Beanstalked funfact before I go to take my daily nap so here is one about Jack's Slayer mode. This at some point becomes me rambling about fairy tales again so it's a long one:

Jack's Slayer mode exists because I grew up loving the trope of protagonists in anime that had an alternate side to them. I think one of my first encounters with such was watching Yugioh as a kid with Yugi and Yami Yugi...though that's like...a more positive spin on it. STILL - I loved how there was that switch up between a nice and innocent face to someone who was more skilled and experienced.

Then you got me getting into Inuyasha and his entire full demon mode he entered under specific circumstances, and then Ichigo's whole thing with his hollow self, and Maka's temporarily going insane during her battle with Crona. All of which are instances of protagonists becoming more antagonistic (or just losing some chill).

All a lot less wholesome than the Yugioh example (and all are things I got into when I was older)

BASICALLY - That switch being flipped in a character you typically see as the good guy, doing some wild ass shit just STUCK with me forever. It's very cliche and many kids these days would call it edgy but I adore how corny it is.

For Jack specifically, I felt like he'd be the best character for such a trope because Jack and the Beanstalk is a very interesting fairy tale to me. It's my favorite and I think one big reason (aside from how cool a gigantic beanstalk is) is the fact Jack isn't explicitly a good guy. He def can be depending on the story you are reading (especially one meant to be read to children) but some old retellings lack that moralization for him.

And that's something that has led to a very large amount of fairy tale adaptions featuring their own beanstalk Jacks that are viewed as the bad guy or are more mischievous than a Cinderella or Little Red Riding Hood.

TO BE FAIR the fella kind of just breaks into someone's house, steals their shit, leaves and cuts the beanstalk down, killing the giant in the process.

It helps ease the "illegality" of Jack's actions that the giant is typically a giant maneater with his whole "I'll grind your bones to make my bread" shtick. But many choose to just look past the cannibalism (or non-cannibalism since giants aren't really humans) to point at Jack and go "Hey that's actually really fucked up man"

Growing older, I def can see that perspective and understand it more than younger me who grew up with a more moralized version of the story where Jack was depicted as a little kid instead of a young adult (or straight up grown man).

So I always grew up with a bias towards a good guy Jack.

CIRCLING BACK AROUND TO MY FAV TROPE - Jack was the best OC for it because of the duality to the character he was based off of. His default personality is the Jack I grew up used to imagining: A wholesome guy just trying to do his best in a situation he very much didn't fully understand and winded up doing something drastic just because he didn't know what else to do.

And his "cool and edgy" personality was the Jack that would purposely cut down a beanstalk to kill a giant in cold blood.

Over the years of working on Beanstalked, Jack's Slayer mode became a lot more dynamic and wasn't just tied to him being angry. It shifted to something that triggered when he felt adrenaline and winded up being a peek into the emotions he'd bottle up and push down because Jack, at his core, just wants to make people happy. And some emotions make that a bit more difficult.

But it basically is just my way of having my cake and eating it too. I wanted a nice and sweet farm boy but I also wanted one who wouldn't hesitate if placed in the right (or wrong) situation.

[fave-fight]

ROUND 1, MATCH 26

NO MAGIC, POWERS, OR WEAPONS

Dr. Coomer:

“i… don’t think he would win.”

“HELLO, GORDON!”

Floyd Leech:

“If he stays in human form and has no mage stones, he's just Some Guy, so he still qualifies. This mafia motherfucker would FIGHT. One time when faced with a monster, everyone else was like "oh no, we need magic" and he was like "nah, let's punch it" and then he DID. He hasn't used his pointy teeth in canon yet, but he could in theory bite someone if necessary, and it would hurt like a bitch. He'd fight dirty, I just know it. Let him punch everything and then get punched in the face, it'd be so great.”

“This guy is a menace who almost never uses weapons or tools to terrorize people. He's strong and athletic, smart enough to get what he wants on a whim, and squeezes contract-breakers until they faint on a regular basis.”

“NOTE: Floyd is a magic boy, but the “no mage stone” thing is there because it means he won’t be able to use magic, because people in Twisted Wonderland can’t without accumulating deadly magic toxin unless they have the stones. He’s also a merman, but he’d be in his human form. His human form does have pointy teeth (like the anime character kind) but I’m not sure if they have any real effect in game other than to intimidate people. Other people in this game have them too who are allegedly “human.” And again, plenty of “human” anime characters have them. Myfeeling is that they shouldn’t be disqualifying on their own.  This game is about magic boys at a magic school, but don’t worry, they get into traditional fist-fights so often it’s literally a randomly generated event that can happen in your Guest Room space. And Floyd Leech would never use magic in a fist-fight. He’d think that was “no fun” or “totally lame.” His signature magical spell just nullifies other people’s magic that targets him… so he can fight them with his fists. Since no one else here has magic, it’s totally irrelevant.  Also I’m not sure he uses fists so much as he does something to his opponents that he describes as “squeezing” them. I don’t know entirely what he means by that when he’s in his human form, but how much it scares the faceless NPC students indicates to me that he’s found a way to make it work. I do know it’s supposed to have a whole mafia vibe to it. Because his dad (and his childhood friend he lowkey sort-of works for) have real mafia boss energy. And Floyd’s basically decided that if he’s going to do this mafia shtick it’s Capo or bust. Floyd doesn’t always feel like doing stuff, due to his wildly unpredictable mood swings, but it honestly seems like the thing he can most easily be convinced to do is beat the shit out of people. During the “Beanfest” event (which was somewhat analogous to a paintball match), he insisted on throwing his weapon away and beating up aforementioned childhood friend even though the game was over and he’d already lost, just because apparently “once Floyd has decided to fight nothing can be done about it" and you just have to fight him if you want to get on with the rest of your day. He’d started out that event “not really in the mood” but somehow ended up spending the entire day beating the hell out of every person he ran into. In the camping event, when all of the boys were being picked off by a monster in the woods one at a time and were panicking because they didn’t have magestones or cellphones and therefore couldn’t defend themselves with magic or call an adult for help, Floyd was literally just like “why don’t we just beat the shit out of it?” And then he DID. And it was awesome.  But before you think he’s just some sort of dumb thug, let me assure you that Floyd is actually one of Night Raven’s most intelligent students. He has a photographic memory and can create valuable gems in alchemy class with minimal effort. Unfortunately, his mood swings make it impossible for him to maintain a decent GPA. But he’s actually a smart, tactical fighter. He’s just violent and unstable. Oh and if you’re wondering, his personality is generally abrasive and confrontational. He regularly starts arguments with the most volatile people at the school, just to mess with them and see where it goes because he’s bored.  Finally, if it sweetens the deal for anyone, Floyd would wear some killer designer shoes to this fight. Don’t worry, they wouldn’t be dangerous/weaponized. They’d just be expensive and custom made. You know, so he can get upset when someone scuffs them up.  Like for real, is there anyone who deserves to be in a crazy bitch fist-fight more than a moody mafia prince who’s secretly some sort of genius, but seems to only truly love fighting and designer footwear? If there is, I can’t think of them. ”

[teagballs]

could you write something for Dee Reynolds x female reader where she basically has been telling the gang for a really long time that she has a partner but none of them believe her but when she refuses to flirt with someone for one of their schemes, the gang decides to follow her and find out she really does have a partner and it’s a girl

love your writing 💕

the gang finds out dee likes girls | dee reynolds x reader

authors note: oh boy this has been sitting in my drafts for SOOOO LONG. finished it tonight. i love dee sm she's so pretty. i hope this lives up to ur request anon!! as always requests are open, trying to make my way thru them rn sorry sorry things have been hectic as always. love u folks

cw: slight objectification of women if u squint, fem reader.

╭──╯ . . . . .

"No, it's true, I'm dating someone!" Dee protested. But as usual, her rebuttals fell on deaf ears.

Currently, the gang was arguing with Dee on whether or not she had a partner.

"No way, Dee. There's no way you have a boyfriend. Hell, we've never even seen him! Honestly, lying about this for so long? It's really pathetic." Her brother chewed.

"Whatever. Screw you guys, at least I'm happy." Dee said before taking another sip of the beer she was nursing.

She'd been dating her girlfriend for nearly a year, but Dee should've known the gang wouldn't believe her. Every time Dee brought up this lover, she'd been shut down. Although she'd grown accustomed to the usual berating she'd receive on the daily, but this was just plain annoying. In the gang's defence, they hadn't actually seen this infamous partner. That was because Dee was dating a woman, and she had yet to reveal her sexuality. Even though the gang was pretty lax with Mac being gay, it would still be a big thing to reveal to them. Dee wasn't exactly prepared for that. She hoped it would just happen naturally.

When Dee entered the bar the following day, though, the gang had a demand of her. They were all crowded around the island, perched on stools.

"Dee! There you are. Where the hell have you been? We need you for this." Dennis groaned.

"Busy. I have a life outside of this bar y"know?" Dee exclaimed.

"Yeah, yeah, sure you do, Dee," Charlie dismissed.

"Whatever. We need you for this. You need to distract the security guard. Use your womanly woes, get your tits out." Dennis explained.

"What? I'm not doing that."

"Why not? You love the attention Dee don't lie to yourself," Mac chimed in.

"I do not! Guys, you know I have a... partner now, I'm not gonna flirt with some random guy." Dee danced around using the word partner. Obviously, she couldn't say 'girlfriend', but 'partner' sounded wrong. Sounded old.

"Dee, you really have to give this whole 'I'm in a healthy relationship' shtick up. It's a bad look. Really, it's pitiable and just sad!" Dennis insisted.

"Oh, shut up. I'm not doing that, Dennis." Dee huffed and hopped off her stool, storming out of the bar.

She dialled her girlfriend's number as she walked to her car, "Hey babe, can I come over? The gang are being shitheads, as usual. I miss you."

"Of course you can, Dee!" You mused in response. And with that, Dee made her way to your apartment.

"Well, that's just great. Without her, the plan really falls apart." Dennis grumbled.

After a brief silence, Charlie wondered, "It's weird, isn't it? That Dee always says "partner" instead of boyfriend? Like, I don't know what if it's not a boyfriend." Silence again as the gang contemplated. Then, scrambling as the gang came to the collective realisation that they needed to find out just who this "partner" was.

Your door swung open, and you were greeted by your favourite blonde in the entire world.

"Hey gorgeous," Dee bleated in a deary tone.

"Hi Dee," you smiled sweetly at her, a smile that seemed to make her worries and grievances melt away. She flumped down on the couch. You pulled a comforting arm around her shoulder.

"Rough day?" You ask softly.

"The worst," Dee replied before nestling her head on your shoulder. You bring your hand up to stroke her locks sympathetically as you wait for her to explain.

"It's just the gang." Dee began, "I've been telling them I'm dating someone, they don't believe me because, y'know, they haven't seen you. But it's hard cause I haven't revealed that part of myself to them yet. And I want to! But I just don't know how." Dee sighed.

Second after she spoke, almost as if it was fate, there was a loud patter of feet running up your apartment hall, then;

"GOT YOU!" annouced by an enthusiastic Charlie. In front of the pair of you stood Charlie, Dennis, Mac, and Frank, all bundled together in your small space.

"What the hell are you guys doing!" Dee stammered, bewildered. She stood up now, hands on her hips. You sat awkwardly behind them, twiddling your thumbs as you waited for some sort of explanation.

"We got you, Dee! We followed you with the tracking app I have for you, found you at this apartment building, went through like 3 apartments before we got to the right one and found you! With a girlfriend!" Dennis explained.

Dee pinched the bridge of her nose and exhaled, trying to process the information,

"So- what- why does- wait, tracking app?" She scrambled.

"Doesn't matter! Cause we found out the truth, you like girls!" Mac said in an accusatory tone, which was somewhat ironic.

"So what?" Dee stated blankly.

"Well, ah, nothing really, I suppose..." Charlie trailed.

"Yeah, this doesn't really change anything," Frank agreed, mostly uninterested.

"So, you guys don't care?" Dee questioned.

"No. Not at all, actually. This is way less interesting than we thought. Alright, let's get out of here, guys. We can still get that plan to work without the bird." Dennis directed. The gang chambered out of the apartment once more.

Dee stumbled back onto the sofa.

"What the fuck just happened?" She mumbled.

"I think you just came out to the gang." You replied.

. . . . . ╰──╮

[cherry-blossom-qf]

Okay, this has just been on my mind for a while actually... Got no clue if this has been asked before but

HOW THE FK DO SOME OF YOU HAVE THE MELTY LIP SKIN THINGY STILL!

Like- I don't care about the ones who don't, I want answers for the ones who do. Why? I mean, it doesn't make much sense to me like- you're free from the master crown's control, you got your bodies. What were you born with a fked up lil or smth?

I just wanna know- why-

💙: "I just guess it was another thing from the crown. Because this lip thingy wasn't there before!! Got scared shitless when I noticed it the first time. Frisk hand to squeeze my hand to get me to stop having traumatic flashbacks."

🍏: "Yeah, I still have mine years later. And I can confirm that it's from being corrupted by the crown. I've been thinking about getting surgery to remove it, but I've been holding off for so long that I basically can't. Because the whole 'secret identity' shtick I got going on now."

🚔: "Mine's a bit thinner for some reason. Not sure why. I think it must've been a style choice by whoever or whatever made me look like that Rayman guy."

👑: "Oakley got rid of mine the first day I arrived at the castle. He didn't want anything from his corruption staying with me as a part of his deal. Another way of trying to prove his loyalty to me at the time."

🦋: "Lucky! Having a melted lip is hard to eat with when you forget that it exists cuz you can't look in the mirror BECAUSE YOU'RE BLIND AF!!!"

🩸: "I think mine disappeared because of the undying ritual I did on myself. But it left an annoying ugly scar instead, so I'm not sure if that counts as an upgrade."

🎩: "Wait.... ALL OF YOU GUYS HAVE MOUTHS???" ("0 0)

[ruvviks]

out of curiosity, bones!! who would you say is your weirdest or silliest oc that you have? :D

ohhh now that is a very good question!! i think my dnd ocs berry and teacup are two of my more silly ocs, berry (they/xe) is a tabaxi monk and teacup (he/any) is a fighter gnoll :] they're best friends within their party and both younger than the others and still a lot more child-like, so they like to run around in the rain and play in the dirt and climb in trees and swim in rivers and stuff :] and steal apples from marketplaces

if we're talking shared ocs then johnson is like. up there definitely. he's a creation of me and @mojaves initially for b/g/3 but we've stopped playing that game so now johnson is just out there. somewhere. we may put him in my homebrew dnd world we may put him in cyberpunk. who knows where johnson will go next!! he's basically like. i think the original idea was to just create some guy who looks more like a lawyer than anything else and that's his whole shtick. he's just some guy he didn't sign up for anything but life just happens to him and he's forced to deal with it in one way or another and someone is always gonna be pissed at him over it

[playertwotails]

did u write the baby tails post yet? id love to read it

Here you go, my de-aged/time switched feral baby Tails idea so hold your hat cause it's a long one under the cut. Also forgive me and my nonsense, I am not a writer.

Just to set some ground rules on my take on baby Tails so we're all on the same page. First of all I always imagine Tail and Sonic meeting when Tails was 3/4 and Sonic 10/11 (both are homeless kids best they can do is guesstimate ages and roll with it). And our little guy Tails, is the sweet, kind, caring Tails we all know and love. BUT as a baby all of that was buried under the weight of being abandoned, harassed, hurt, half/fully starved and bullied starting from maybe basically birth if not shortly after. So baby Tails is just the most FERAL of little guys. He WILL bite, claw, kick, pull fur/feathers/whatever they got and do whatever it takes if he feels cornered and threatened by someone. And yes he has his inventions even at that young age to protect him somewhat, but he's still a baby and can only build them out of the scraps he finds, so they are little flimsy and get destroyed easily by said bullies fairly often. So bitey time's are aplenty for baby Tails.

Now luckily when Sonic meet Tails one of their first interactions was him saving Tails from bullies so he started out a few steps on the less feral side of Tails. Not that Sonic doesn't/never saw this side of Tails, it just never got it directed at him unless he startled Tails or was calming Tails down when something else brought out that side. I also like to think that Sonic and Tails were together about a year before Eggman ever even found out about Tails. So by the time Eggman and their other friends meet Tails, the feral side of Tails has been pretty much put to rest as, through Sonic's help, Tails doesn't need to rely on that 'cornered feral rabies filled racoon' fight instinct anymore. The Tails they first meet relies more on his inventions, smarts, and how Sonic taught him to fight.

SO getting to the bread and butter of all this.

Sonic, Tails and Co. are fighting Eggman or maybe another villain per their usual shtick. And when they go to hit Sonic with their "ultimate weapon" it ends up a whole whoopsi daisies situation and hits Tails instead. Now readers choice on if this de-ages Tails or switched older Tails with younger Tails, but result is the same either way. The smoke clears, Tails is still there, to everyone's short lived relief, but there is now a much smaller scruggly looking Tails in that spot

(Now another thought I had just for ultimate angst potential for either scenario of scruffy baby Tails, is that baby Tails has the starved figure, scars, cuts, bruises, matted/patchy fur he had on what ever day he de-aged to/switched with)

The villain then dips cause plan has gone sideways and Sonic and crew are now just left with a tiny little baby Tails. (and the crew I imagine is Amy, Knuckles, Shadow, and Rouge - maybe Blaze, Silver, Tangle and Whisper too just to make it a really party if you want)

I think before even Sonic can react though Amy is the first to make it to baby Tails. Now I love Amy to death but bless her heart she has a tendency to get tunnel vision sometimes (big mood). So before she registers that baby Tails is a bit more ruff around the edges than she's used to, she just sees a cute little tiny baby Tails and immediately goes for the hug cause Tails is adorable on his own but tiny Tails is serotonin directly injected into your veins and her being a whole mood cannot physically stop herself from going for a hug. Plus they've met a younger Tails before so she thinks it's a similar situation so free hugs all around. (Sidenote - I'm just gonna call baby Tail BT for the rest of this cause it long)

Unfortunately BT only registers 'person coming at them fast and getting close' and just uses his reaction to bite Amy all the while hissing and growling like a feral cat in an alleyway.

Immediately everyone is taken aback (except for Sonic) cause that's not a very Tails thing for Tails to do especially to friends even if he's scared.

(And another side note here cause lord forbid my thought process stays cohesive for five minutes - but I see baby Tails being either a Tails that has met Sonic but only has been with him for maybe 2-3 weeks if even that long, so he recognizes Sonic but doesn't really trust him yet. Or for even more 'oh this is sad' it is a little Tails before he met even Sonic, so everyone is starting at the -100 trust line with the feral fluff ball. (i'm moving forward with this with the 'BT knows Sonic but no trust between them' one cause older brother Sonic is my weakness and BT being cute and clingy will not leave my brain))

So BT gets startled at everyone being startled and moves to take off to go hide in a hole somewhere cause "WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE" (if you get the reference let me know) and everyone then makes a move to catch him. Now BT is on fight/flight instincts only and does not even register Sonic. Plus Sonic does not look like the one he knows so he doesn't even recognize him in this state, just is trying to peace the fuck out of there and get to safety. And with everyone now after him BT then proceeds to go into FULL FERAL MODE on all of them.

He is clawing at them, biting everyone, hissing and spitting while making a B-line for what he thinks is an exit. With everyone still being shocked, not wanting to hurt him and with BT being more slippery than grease on pig, they are STRUGGLING. He is giving then the runaround. They're are now all getting more injured than they did in the fight that caused this. All their abilities are doing nothing in helping them catch Tails. BT is that one scene of Jack Jack from the Incredibles levels of fucking them up and he can't even shape shift. He managed to rip off one of Shadows skates, bite through Knuckles gloves, scratch up Rogue and set off her bombs (she threw them all away from her before they exploded), Amy's hands and arms are COVERED in bit marks, and he went for Sonic's shins with deadly accurate kicks (Sonic would be proud if it didn't hurt so much). They all just look like they got into a fight with a wood-chipper and miserably lost but nope it's all just a scared toddler that can and will fuck someone up.

It's only when Sonic shouts "MILES!!!!" at Tails that he finally stops (maybe Tails isn't being called Tails yet at that time so Sonic has to say his name or maybe it's just big brother/parent mode voice gets through to him). BT stops his frantic exit relay race but will not let anyone close and is still straight up growling at everyone. So now they're all just standing in a lose circle around BT not wanting to take their eyes off him but all desperately sending mental vibes to Sonic to take care of this cause what the fuck has gotten into Tails.

Cue soft big brother Sonic stepping up to bat and everyone watches him try and coax a tiny scraggly Tails, that looks 3 seconds from trying to bolt again, to get closer to Sonic and calm down. He does succeed after about 10 mins and gets BT to let him get close enough to look over his injuries. And they watch Sonic look over BT's injuries with the softest of big brother looks but when he's got BT turned around to check his back Sonic gets just a flash of anger but resigned look on his face. Cause Sonic knows those injuries and they weren't from the beam BT got hit with. (He'd forgotten how bad they were due to time and also being so young when they first met but now he's even more pissed off and sad about it) - Meanwhile people on West Side Island "why do I suddenly hear Kellin Quinn singing??"

So from there the crew moves out with BT almost glued to Sonic's side cause he's scared of everyone. Sonic has to fly them all back cause BT is too little to reach the pedals of the plane (to the surprise of a few of their friends cause they either forgot/didn't know Sonic could fly a plane also idk how to fly a plane but my imaginary one has pedals now). Finally they get back to a safe area, Tail's workshop, and the other's stick close but outside so they don't overwhelm BT while Sonic spends time cleaning/feeding/treating BT's injuries and put him to bed.

Once Sonic's got the little orange terror to go to sleep he gets everyone rounded up to talk about this and figure out how to fix it. But not before they all grill him for info cause what the fuck has gotten into Tails, they thought it was just the beam at first that caused BT to act like that but Sonic knew what to do so that theory jumped out the window. Cue Sonic giving them the watered down version of his memories of feral baby Tails, cause a lot of it ain't their business in his mind but they also need to know enough to not trigger BT into going full feral scared mode on them.

Even with what they know is the more sanitized version of events Sonic gives them everyone is shocked to find out this was actually how Tails was as a little baby toddler guy when Sonic first found him. Cause they all know how sweet Tails is. The difference is night and day. They are all also immediately mentally planning murder. (- Meanwhile people on Westside Island again "why do I hear Tyler Smyth now???? wtf??")

They all just get sad and angry cause who could hurt Tails (exceptions being made to this rule for Eggman and the rest of their circle of villains cause villains gonna villain).

I imagine Amy just starts crying cause she's upset that, that happened to Tails. But also she about to bust out that hammer and hunt some people down.

Knuckles is upset and suddenly feels really guilty about some of those early days fights he used to get into with Sonic and Tails when they all first met. But also recalling some small moments where a hint of this came out when he first met Tails but never to the extent he had seen earlier that day.

Rogue already kinda knew about it cause..spy, but not the full extent. Her info was coming from second hand sources that tried to hide the fact that they were so cruel to one of the only people who can/has stopped Eggman. She already got names and faces and she's about to get a bunch of new stuff when she robs all of them blind. And she's also planning on taking Omega with her, let him cause some chaos, blow up a few thing for fun-sies.

Shadow about to march up stairs, pick up BT, tell Sonic "this is mine now" and march out with a new brother. Also pay a little visit to Westside Island with Rogue cause he knew that face she made, she already has names and he wants in. Tails just reminds him so much of Maria and BT got Shadows 'thought to be long gone' protective brother instincts kicking into overdrive now.

The rest of this goes down with all of them just spoiling the hell outta BT, getting told stories from BT about his life and it just being one of the saddest things they ever have heard ever, and figuring out how to fix it by hunting down whoever did it to MAKE them fix it.

Bonus points: They also get to see how destructive BT is with weapons and learn:

1) why Sonic ban Tails from making some types of weapons.

2) that Sonic actually has the patience of a saint for a little destructive BT

3) Tails is way more down to murder than they had previously thought

Anyways hope you enjoyed my rambles. Long busy week so sorry if it's a little all over the place. It was a long post but it's also been a while since I posted.

[enthyrea]

hi storm hope you're well :0 here's your reminder to drink water and eat something if you haven't already!!!

can I ask about your fav macheresin headcanons??

HI CY i love you! i just had lunch <3 hope you are hydrated and well!

i have soooo many headcanons for these two idiots. its actually insane. these are disorganized sorry

my personal fav rn is like. they are so telepathically connected that even pre-relationship, if one of them is getting hit on at a bar, the other just magically appears behind them like "is this guy bothering you, baby?" and they both fall into that fake-fiancee shtick SOOO fast. they do it constantly to the point where some people actually think they are engaged.

they would have a marriage pact like "if we arent married by 30 we have to get engaged" and they're serious about it but in a bro way. then jake turns 30, they get engaged for real because ofc and then feelings start to show? after the GLOC incident jake claims to be javy's husband to get past hospital staff to see him, and the daggers are like "YALL ARE MARRIED??" and then it just devolves from there and they realize oh. yeah we actually do like each other (i have a whole riff about this that i've been thinking of writing lol)

jake's love language as acts of service <3 he memorizes the recipe for javy's favorite gumbo and makes it for his birthday/whenever javy's feeling particularly homesick !!

ALSO. i think they're very "practically married but oblivious" like they 'save money' by living together (its totally not because they feel so much more comfortable staying with the other) saving on heating bills by cuddling. platonically. of course. like literally

bob: one time i ran into them while they were at the flower gardens on valentines day. they told me it wasnt a date and they just wanted to take advantage of the free couple's package reuben: oh so they're hopeless

its to the point where their respective families actually think they're together. two of jake's sisters think he's already married to javy. javy's dad is convinced they're just long term pranking him. considering javy brings jake home for thanksgiving every year without fail, his dad is about to strangle him if he doesnt confess and or get married to this white boy TOMORROW

basically i think they're very stupid but i am obsessed with them and their frat boy energy.

(also related but post-getting together: when javy gets drunk he just starts blabbering about jake to anyone who will listen (no one wants to listen) meanwhile drunk jake is just falling over himself tryna kiss javy while javy's like "down boy! no! not in public!" (he is weak and will eventually give up and let jake smother him in kisses))

[smallidarityfan]

ask game! smallidarity. i just wanna hear someone talk about them<3

you are my enabler tumblr user hellish-hyperfixation

Ship It

• What made you ship it?

I can't exactly remember when I started to, but it was sometime after watching Joel's esmp 2 around mid 2022 when I realized that the man would always mention Jimmy at least one time per video. and i was like. holy crapos. i know what they are.

Though I also vividly remember the first time I watched Joel through Last Life, he met Jimmy in some cave and bullied him and I was also like: "what?!?! being mean in minecraft roleplay?!??!?!! that is just like the popular ship bakudeku from the hit series my hero academia (literally barely watched the show)"

• What are your favorite things about the ship?

THEYRE SOOOO......... THEYRE............. ok. ok ok ok. other than the fact that I just really like enemies to lovers type shii, the way that Joel would go lengths to protect Jimmy whether in the life series or empires (see the times when fwhip or scott would bully Jimmy and then Joel rushes in to kill them) despite being the one to bully him in the first place,

or when Jimmy would be a victim to Joel's teasing, actively says he hates it, yet always seems to gravitate towards being around Joel and doing the things he tells him to without question??— the way it then seems like he'd never admit that they're friends (or. in love) and yet 2 seconds later he'd just be like "guys i love Joel so much. wait what who said that?"

And then the Exclusive Flirting?!??!?!! both Jimmy and Joel have canonical esmp husbands (scott and sausage) and yet neither of them ever so much flirts with their husbands much more then they flirt between themselves?????? Hello??!?!?!?! flirting after a whole enemies to lovers shtick??!?! in MY empires smp?!?!?! The way they call each other babe (other than their actual partners ofc LMAO) but not to anyone else?!?! Even in the life series!!! See that 1 clip where Etho professed love to Joel but gets shut down, or when Sausage called Jimmy 'babe' but was like "What? only Joel calls me babe..." and then on the Smallidarity side you get clips of them mutually confessing to each other???????

Jimmy's known Martyn longer than he's known Joel, and Joel's known Oli longer than he's known Jimmy, and yet just from X life 3 years ago they immediately snapped together as best friends the moment they met and then proceeds to do pet play in some quad account merging youtuber competition (sniffermyfeet piglinmynose video).

ykwhatimsaying. the clips basically do all the work honestly.

• Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

eughhh this is hard because i dont know much about the other opinions on this ship? OH ACTUALLY some people take their relationship to be that of a Joel dom-ing type situation where he takes advantage of his bully stance in order to date Jimmy, but i take it more in the shonen manga style way? eg: it's because Joel likes Jimmy that Joel bullies him (in a tsundere way)

To me, Joel fundamentally isn't brash or aggressive in nature, it's just the way he ends up communicating as such. His character has bits of anxiety sprinkled in (you can see from how jittery his movements are in-game), while his main value is just being calm and playing singleplayer hardcore minecraft for 600 hours building pretty little structures yk?

So normally, I don't think Joel would be as naturally aggressive as people take him to be in the smallidarity dynamic? Maybe only when Joel feels tense is when he'd start being mean n stuff, and maybe you could associate that with feelings for jimmy i guess. (highschool au brewing in my mind rn)