#and like yay for internalized misogyny

[llitchilitchi]

I think it's about finding women pretty to watch their content indeed. People don't tend to listen to women or to watch them for entertainment, bc it's not the default. The ones that will manage to get pass the "known status" are often conventionnaly attractive because that's a reason to keep watching (very sexist, but pretty sure there are studies about it)

There's also the fact that internet is ruthless to women and as such they must surely try to appear as beautiful as they can to avoid insults about their look...

I really, really need to find an essay or a book or Something that tackles this topic. I think the only time I've seen women do well online without being attractive was people who make art (painters, illustrators, doll makers) and that in itself I think is its own niche, so I'm not sure if it counts - and here I am talking faceless creatives, so the aspect of looks first does not come into question.

[brookiidookiii]

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm give a hot take (like an actual hot take) on the TD fandom or some part of the show

yay so this ones kind of just me complaining but like i rlly dont like it when ppl take jos like body issues and not wanting to be mistaken for a guy as some gender dysphoria kind of thing bc its more like. to her calling her a guy is basically calling her ugly yk. idk like being mistaken for a man wouldnt be some "gender invalidation" thing to her since its basically telling her that she looks manly, and to her UGLY. her problem is more of her own beauty issues and internalized misogyny tbh. so idk ive seen a few ppl call her not wanting to be mistaken for a man as her experiencing cis gender dysphoria when rlly its already established she has body/beauty issues. and like i said to her mistaking/calling her a man or manly is basically calling her ugly. its not some gender invalidation thing lol idk. does this make sense idk im just rambling. i think about her so much. if anyone wants to tell me otherwise why they think her feelings abt her appearance is some kind of dysphoria id love to hear it but idk i personally js dont think its the right word to use.

and another thing i have w this fandom is how many people on here will rant about "why does NO ONE ever talk about the female characters???!!!!!!!!!??????" then NEVER talk about them on their own blogs so it comes across like: so do you even care THAT much whatever it just seems performative to me. like the amount of people that are just like "why does no one talk about my girlboss queen feminist icon leshawna" then proceed to post their 177656789th character analysis of like harold is so rampant i just dont get it. idk am i the only one who notices ppl like this lol.

idk if i have many takes on the show bc itd basically be me repeating things that everyones already ranted about before but mkulia was better in s1 where it was mk blackmailing her and they hated each other. au where mk keeps holding julias confessionals over her head but they end up like "unfortunately only one person has ever truly understood me and i fucking hate that guy"

[emilykaldwen]

Shop talk!! Where did the inspiration for Abby as a character come from? Are there any characters or people who have inspired what makes her ✨her✨? And how do she and Aegon compliment each other?

(apologies, this came in after I went to bed and then I spent the last five hours driving across three states)

Oooh! I haven't gotten an ask like this in so long and I forget there are new people who might be interested!!!

(@selfproclaimedunicorn did the first Abby fanart! and @murmel-malt did this one for xmas!)

So in Fire & Blood, it's stated that Lyonel Strong became Master of Laws when Viserys took the throne, brought his sons Harwin and Larys and two maiden daughters to serve as Rhaenyra's ladies. So Abby was originally a friend of Rhaenyra and Alicent, and stayed by Alicent's side when she became queen because show-wise, Alicent is so fucking isolated. Like it HURTS to see how isolated she is, and I wanted her to have a friend, and someone who would try to be peacemaker between the two.

Right from the start, Abby was always meant to be kind. She's what I call proto-Sansa Stark: just embodying a lot of the traditional ladylike qualities I would always see Sansa getting lambasted for. I really wanted to create a character who could be kind and strong and that be just as valid as someone scheming or good with a sword. I wanted to write a girly-girl to embrace that femininity that I rejected as a teenager cause yay internalized misogyny!

But man, lemme tell you, I was struggling with her. I had this framework, but I didn't have a story for her. Frankly, for awhile, I thought that Alicent might encourage her to marry Otto for protection or something. I just didn't know what was going to happen to her.

So I decided to try roleplay her in some roleplay groups and toss her against other characters and see what I could come up with. It's something I've always done with original characters and I wasn't committed to writing a fic yet. and then my friend Ramses goes 'what if we did an AU and you throw her at Aegon?' (so age down Abby so her and Aegon are the same age vs her being his mother's age) because the type of character she was, she might be good with Aegon.

And then... the rest is history. Putting Abby against Aegon basically unlocked that third eye and suddenly Abby's story and her place in the world of Westeros clicked: She's someone the Team Green kids needed.

With Abby, Helaena could have a friend her age who accepted her for who she was, Aemond had a nerdy friend who enjoyed books, and Aegon? Aegon had a friend who always supported him, who he got to play conquering hero to her damsel in the games they'd play as children. a young!Abby took one look at the wet eyed cat boy and immediately went I'll love you and I'll show you how wonderful I think you are.

Aegon and Abby are definitely foils for each other. Abby thinks of others first, Aegon doesn't. He goes in on himself in his melancholy, she goes outside of herself. They are both desperate to please in their own ways, they are incredibly hungry for love. They are both outsiders in their worlds, and alone except for each other. Abby has the patience that Aegon needs, and Aegon has the ego to push Abby to be more 'selfish' and look out for herself more. In Abby, Aegon can take care of someone, he can look outside of himself and be there for someone. In Aegon, Abby can let herself be cared for. There's patience and there's drive, there's possessiveness and feralness from both of them. Both of these kids are unwell, Abby just... masks it better? It's not as obvious? (she's named for an Asshai blood priestess and is heiress to the haunted castle of your nightmares my happy sunshine baby is not well)

As for characters that inspired her and make her HER, the number one is very much Tohru Honda from Fruits Basket. Fruba is one of my favorite stories of all time, and it's a story about the cycle of abuse and generational trauma, and Tohru is the sunshine bubbly light girl... who is hiding her own grief and guilt at the loss of her mother. The fear that finding happiness again meaning she'd forgotten/lost her mother. And she takes on everyone's pain but does not share her own. And that always really resonated with me. It's very real. And it's a story that resonated to me along with Sansa's that I could appreciate as I was older.

I'm so sorry there's SO MUCH RAMBLING and I have no idea if this makes any sense. I don't know if I talk about Abby enough - I'm not used to getting questions about her LOL so thank you for this!

[komohine]

What do you think of James being trans? (Obviously a headcanon haha) I might just be projecting I'm definitely projecting, but I think it makes sense.

I hc him has having an inferiority complex when he was younger, which is something me and a lot of fellow transmascs can relate to! The feel of having to aggressively outdo your AMAB peers because you're constantly being fed the idea they're somehow inherently better.

I also think it would be very silly if he hated Keith as a kid for this reason, reasoning he's a "real boy", only to learn Keith is trans too. T4T jaith or smthn idk lol

Also James is gender.

(also I really adore your art! Thank you for taking the time to read my silly headcanon)

I think hell yea 🫡 Even though it’s not my personal headcanon (in my personal headcanon their cis and transness is ambiguous). Withij my headcanons, both canon compliant and college au, there is never really a situation that arises where the distinction of their cis/transness becomes necessary or significant so i really just never mention it and leave it up to the interpretation of the reader

Its probably bcs my prior fandom space has traumatized me so if im gonna be honest i dont really think about characters genders beyond what they express themselves as 😭 you are boy? Ok! Sorry transfetishization haunts me hetalia and genshin were horrific spaces to be in… i have nightmares about people making one character from an mlm ship trans just for “realistic mpreg”. Oh my god mpreg keith is genuinely so disturbing i get distraught when i think about it. Also this may just be a precaution because of the voltron fandom? Because I came into this fandom like a month ago with the prior knowledge that this place is a literal minefield of fetishizers and weird people. Like do you get it… if i, for example, mention explicitly that my keith is trans theres gonna be people fetishizing that. If i mention he’s cis there’s gonna be people fetishizing that. So my defence is to just not mention it! Schrodinger’s gender!! 30 year old women stop writing crazy p0rn of highschoolers challenge.

Its the same with freaky headcanons like i will occasionally try to think of some for writing and metaphor purposes but i will get flashbacks to when a 13 year old asked me “whos the top and whos the bottom” about my ocs on discord and then my train of thought just stops there. Its like a kill switch. “Freaky jaith? Uhh well-” “whos the top and whos the bottom” “ok nvm 😇” like i personally love artsy and tastefully done innuendo art pieces but i do not trust the fandom to have a great enough level of critical thinking to see past the freaky to see the angsty metaphors i pack my art with.

But i think T4T jaith is fire james can now have internalized homophobia AND internalized misogyny or something!! Yay!! Adding more shit onto his need for perfection and to be a “real man” or something whereas keith dont gaf! And keith can teach james to not gaf!!! Yay!!!

[inchidentally]

tricky asks time! a lot have built up so I'm definitely going to have to do a multiparter - remember to bl 'wank adjacent' to not see these posts <3

I'm putting these two together bc the first one is to do with a super creepy anon who has a very loud and fully parasocial "our relationship" attitude toward Lily and Oscar and ironically thought that me saying that I engage in rpf for fun on a website that requires multiple hoops to get through to even scroll one page of someone's blog. and the second is the side of fandom who have developed a certain idea of "perfect relationships" based solely on the woman remaining largely unknown and the man a major public figure.

okay, so. full disclosure: I don't have a great view of heterosexual relationships when it comes to what they do to women and what they take from women. I'm not automatically down on any of them and as always I'm like, other people's choices are fully their own and my opinions are irrelevant as far as they're concerned!

it's pretty obvious from me repeating over and over but first and foremost !! I am aggressively against internalized misogyny in fandom spaces, and esp toward the women who date or marry male public figures. it's absolutely rampant on a larrying level in carlando and pretty damn bad in dando and I've been adamant that landoscar won't fall prey to those people (carlando and dando fandoms still have plenty of great people, just to say <3).

but make no mistake, me sticking up for these women is because they do not deserve abuse as a basic decency. they're not dolls I pick up and put down based on if they happen to be with a guy I post about. they deserve respect regardless of who is observing them and why. *if they're genuinely problematic then that's a separate topic but holy shit only bring that morality if you're prepared to apply it to the men you're a fan of at the same time !!

the fact that we only know these women based on the man they're dating or married to is already problematic and I get pretty grossed out when fans go hard for a gf or wife and then easily transfer that energy immediately when there's a breakup and a new gf or wife. it's equally gross when they continue to follow the ex and say how much they "miss her" or constantly bring up her ex in spaces she can see.

so when I speak up about or for Lily and any other wife or girlfriend of a driver, I'm doing so with full respect for how uncomfortable it is that I only know of her existence bc of a man. and that I also have a responsibility in a fandom space - even one as fairly invisible as tumblr - to kick back at fans who attack them purely to create space for their rpf ship fantasy or their own unhealthy obsession.

it's also why you'll see me being a broken record about keeping the line between rpf for fun and the reality of these men's relationships.

I don't think I'll ever believe that a woman is anything but relatively happy in a partnership with the type of man who has to give their entire selves to their career. especially F1 that demands 10 months of almost nonstop travel and commitments. and sorry, the whole 'yay she has her own career/life!' as some kind of consolation prize for her sacrifices doesn't work bc in order for the relationship to exist beyond phone calls and texts has always required the wife or girlfriend to fly wherever he is to spend time together. very occasionally, I see someone like George or Alex make the effort during the season to fly out to their girlfriend. Oscar went on a minibreak with Lily during the break last season. like, that's bare minimum lol and nothing compared to these women flying across the globe and being stuck waiting around while their bf or husband only has the rare hour or so between commitments on a race weekend.

so any "praise" of a wife or girlfriend for how they accommodate a man's career and "stay out of the spotlight" or "stay private" is a massive red flag for me. an largely invisible woman dating a man with a public profile will never feel like an organic decision on her part to me. it's a reaction to a situation that shouldn't exist.

"his fans and fangirls are awful though" yea and that's not fucking right and it's not a reason to let them win. decent fans can work harder to suppress the shitty ones and mass report accounts. and I know that for Lily Z, she's gotten temporary respite by being nothing more than a woman walking beside Oscar and not "giving haters any ammunition". but for example, even though Lily M and Carmen still get occasional shit from idiots who just want to hate, they go relatively unscathed because the decision was made early on to be in on the rpf ship jokes and George and Alex consistently make as many posts about them in a sort of joint, impenetrable "this is our relationship and you will not drive these women into hiding". Lily's hugely intelligent and has professional STEM aspirations of her own.

it's wayyyyy too convenient to say she's as private as she is because privacy fulfills her and brings her happiness. it's just the flipside of haters giving her a conditional reprieve bc they don't have to be annoyed by her having a visible personality.

and guess what? we've never once heard from Lily herself that she would be private even without dating a man in the public eye. we've heard what her boyfriend has said. we've heard from Kym Ilm*n. and women in fandom have taken that and decided it's permission to praise her for not wanting to face unfair abuse. like ??? I am not ok with that lol.

"maybe she just doesn't want to be super visible or have a public identity!" nah. if she's under 50 then having a public identity is fully the norm so it's too much of a convenient reach to make that assumption. and if she has a career of her own then she absolutely needs to have a public identity. even when you start out in entry positions, showing the work you do and the people you work with is totally normal for advancement. (I'm in shitty jobs so that doesn't apply to me lol but no F1 wife or gf will be working my jobs. almost all the women I know are in aspirational careers tho.)

women deserve to at least have a go at being a dynamic, public person who pursues life to the degree she chooses irrespective of her bf - and if afterward she finds she wants to be super private and raise a man's babies out of sight AND SHE SAYS SO HERSELF then that's absolutely wonderful.

but absolutely no one can convince me that women aren't conditioned and pressured in a world like F1 to either shut up and stay out of the way, or that they're "asking for it" if they do live publicly and have crazies stalking them and sending them abuse.

*side note that I've heard some ummm potentially not great things about Seb with regard to women that are not worth repeating here in case they've been blown out of proportion or just rumors. (I get the whole "he may have changed" but a lot of the videos of him flirting with women or objectifying them is... not great and hopefully he's seen the error in that) but even if it's all untrue (and obv I hope it is) I'm only happy for his wife if she has openly stated herself that she voluntarily chose to remain largely invisible and put up with him being absent so often and her having to be the one to alter her life to be with him during the F1 season. if she hasn't clearly said that herself (a direct quote "" and not just a reporter stating it) then there's no point in us assuming it about her. and the Seb's words are not a replacement for her own, sorry.

I'm not at all a person to comment on this myself but I fully respect your experience babe <3 I personally know and know of a few ppl who got together in HS and ended up getting engaged or married and they're already cheating or breaking up so I also can't contradict you aslfgsjalgf

and just to say: while I (for all the reasons above) will never be yay I'm so glad Lily is tied to a man whose job absorbs his entire life I will NEVER say that outside these replies. I will always push support for Lily - and any gf Lando might have at some point - bc they deserve and need it in fandom. and any of our takes on these relationships are pointless and irrelevant anyway.

I think I covered my own feeling about this above and tbh it depends on the intent. if they're going to drop the woman in question if/when a breakup happens then yea that is super creepy and weird to make fan pages etc.

I like following certain wives and gfs accounts mostly bc I live vicariously through the glamour of their lives but I'd feel weird interacting with their content or making fan content of it when I know damn well I only started following them bc of a man.

it's tricky to say and I think it depends so much on the individual fan's intent and how they create that content y'know?

but god yeah, unless a ship is a joke openly shared by the men in question like carlando and dando then I need these official accounts to just not do rpf. it's why I tend not to rb when that happens with landoscar bc I so want this ship to remain mostly under the radar and not attract rpf truthers.

[azriona]

No your tags on that "being a man" post are genuinely how I felt reading it and it's kind of a weird omission to it. I'm sending this as an ask because I'm not sure if OP is open to that particular addition (but they should be, it's a Problem with that post that they didn't consider it is what I'm saying), but I think the weird reluctance on a lot of this site with talking about misogyny and male privilege lately is getting people to forget that a woman saying "I want to be a man" is often saying something fundamentally different from a man saying "I want to be a woman." A lot of time what women really want is the privileges men have. And it's not just about deeply ingrained misogyny that tells them they can't do things they really can; there are still a lot of things men can do that women can't really. Whereas I think a man who is thinking a lot about how much he wishes he were a woman, it's a lot easier to conclude that he might in fact be trans.

I mean... yes and no. (Before I get into it: here's my reblog with the tags for those who missed it.)

I agree that the OP should have at least acknowledged that there's a shred of misogyny present in a woman who says "I wish I were a man but not a trans man," because yeah, internalized misogyny is absolutely present and alive and a really horribly destructive thing.

And absolutely: without knowing the motivation of the person saying it, it's impossible to know if the person is dealing with internalized misogyny or (and equally possible) transphobia, because both are likely scenarios. I don't want it to sound like I'm a TERF here; I'm not, I'm really really not.

But I don't think you can automatically assume that any woman who says that statement automatically wants to be a man, regardless of what caveats they stick after it. There are definitely women in the world who think that they can't do something because they are women, despite wanting to do the thing, and if they want to do the thing, then obviously they must want to be men. I have met these women. We have all met these women. Hell, go look up the whole tradwife nonsense if you don't believe me: those women 100% believe in societal gender roles, as horrifying as that is.

(There's a reason why people who transition do it in stages: you're trying it out, deciding if it's really the right fit for you. And for most of them, it is. Yay! Happiness all around that you found your right you! Proud of you, friend! And for the ones who realize it's not the right path: yay! Proud of you for trying! Proud of you for admitting you want something different! Hope you find the happiness you deserve!)

But I disagree that it doesn't work both ways. If a women who says she wants to be a man means that she actually wants to do the things men do but still be a woman, then why assume a man who says they want to be a woman but still be a man not mean the same thing in reverse? We're back to gender roles again, and this time it's internalized misandry. Men can't be homemakers, caretakers, or raise the babies. (Except they can.) Men can't be nurses or elementary teachers or makeup artists. (Except they can.) Men have to go hunt and fight and lead instead of follow. (Except they don't.)

There is nothing a man can do that a woman can't. There is nothing a woman can do that a man can't. Including internalized misandry/misogyny. Period.

I 100% agree that someone who is interested in transitioning should be given every opportunity to transition, with full support to give it a go if they think that's right for them. And I'm saying that here because i don't want it misunderstood.

But I also think you can't assume that transitioning is the only response or the only path. It's not.

Trans men are men; trans women are women. But gender is a whole huge social construct anyway, and gender roles are made up piles of shit, so do whatever and be whatever makes you happiest.

And that's probably just as illogical as my first set of tags, but eh, I'm still working on my morning coffee.

[helena-thessa]

Hi! Just wanted to reach out and say I think your writing is really amazing, for both Naruto and AoT. It’s funny since I’m actually an SNS shipper, but “Something Left to Save” is legitimately one of my fave Naruto fics. The way you write Sakura is how I wish she was written in canon. We’ve been mutuals for a bit now, but I’ve never actually directly interacted with you, so I wanted you to know how much I appreciate your content :) And I originally followed you for Naruto reasons, and it was a pleasant surprise that you like AoT too!

Oh yay!! hi :]

Ok first, I have to say, I legitimately laughed out loud- it's so funny you say that, 'cause I'm definitely a SNS shipper too. Compulsive heteronormativity is totally at fault here. 🥲

But on a serious note: Thank you so much. That makes it all the more meaningful to hear. I'm honestly really honored and can't wait to keep writing in ways that will hopefully continue to do the story justice.

I was cognizant of how much hate there is for Sakura's character and tried to be self-aware of how my own internalized misogyny showed up in understanding and respecting her, but I don't think I was arrogant enough to think I could successfully write her in a way that could address any of that... Like I didn't really make a plan, just let it unfold on its own as I wrote and hoped for the best, so it doesn't feel like I wrote the character you're talking about, but that she ended up that way 'cause I gave her enough room and space in the narrative to exist. If that makes sense lol? And so, it makes me so stupid happy to hear this and any of the positive feedback I've gotten about her, 'cause it feels like it's more a testament to what happens when female characters get the space they deserve than about my own writing. Which is so important to me. I know I wanted needed something of a canon fix-it for Sakura, so I'm really grateful to hear I could be contributing to that for someone else too.

Your being a Naruto and AOT fan is a lovely surprise and good to know. :] I don't think I've seen much of that overlap in my little corner of the internet. I started being active on tumblr 'cause of AoT and was so fortunate to have met such kind and encouraging people in the rm fandom, whereas my earlier work for Naruto resulted in my getting hate mail and threats, so even though now I'm writing for Naruto again, I guess I've been more shy and reluctant to post/interact with the Naruto fandom. All to say, I'm so glad you said hi. It'd be nice to chat with another Naruto and SNS fan🖤

[femmesandhoney]

I'm jealous of how many of you on radblr have like good enough moms. Mine was like beyond fucking abusive and I definitely got some internalized misogyny as a result.

And I'm not like trying to play trauma olympics or whatever, like I'm really not. I just see how a lot of you get this female solidarity thingy from your moms, and how much you love her and how much she scarcified for you and all that.

I can't relate to any of these things, the only person that tried and like fought for me was my dad so when you go on about your misandry I just feel so?? Idk i just dont have that anger in common with you.

And no this is not me saying that my dad is "one of the good ones", or that misandry is an overreaction to male oppression. I really need you to know that I don't have any bad intentions w this message.

This is kinda rambly. My US visa got approved today like 1 hour ago, and I only got 30 mins of happiness before she ruined everything.

I'm honestly glad it's at least over it was such a hassle. So yay I guess

Oh anon :( i don't think many people here have good relationships w their moms in a fantastic peas in a pod way. I love my mom, but she also fucked me up in many ways too. Everyone has various relationships w their mothers and the good parts people share here are likely not at all a good picture to compare yourself to either.

And there are definitely plenty of women here or whom we all know with terrible mothers. Women aren't immune to being bad parents and bad people just bc theyre women, obviously. One of my best friends growing up was raised by her dad and her mother was horrible. She was an alcoholic and never sent them to school. Her dad fought for custody of her and her brother, and he raised and loved them well. I would never try to defend her mother just bc shes a woman, she was an insanely horrible person and mother. Thats just an example of, like duh, there are fine fathers out there. Not every woman grows up w perfect moms. I think the idea that there's a way to be a perfect mother is also stupid, theyre people just like us. So i wouldn't necessarily be jealous of anyone. Even the "best" mom or dad will fuck up their kid in some way, thats just how being a parent works i think.

Im not sure what u mean about the misandry thing tho. We don't necessarily bond over our hatred of our fathers or our commonality of good mothers. Often we talk about how shitty men around us are yeah, which often will be immediate figures like fathers or male family, but misandry is about like all men being quite shitty a lot of the time in various ways lol? You don't gotta like start hating ur dad specifically when u start recognizing the patterns of male depravity and shittiness in the world 💀 i mean u could, but like no one is saying plz start hating ur dad if u have no real reason to. theres plenty of other shitty men to hate take ur pick lmao

[beaaareputation]

my podcast thoughts:

very very heavy. i had a bit of an overwhelming day already and this was a bit taxing on me to listen to so these thoughts are haphazard

the contextualization of the past 2 years was very insightful. i appreciate that he has the courage to share this stuff.

liz mentioning radical compassion was important to me. i think it’s something we should all take into account but that practice can conjure so much judgement because we always look for someone to blame. i’m trying to do something along those lines however.

no comment from me on the stuff about his mom unfortunately lol.

but i admire his willingness to forgive his dad and build their relationship. the video of them embracing at the premiere in brooklyn was incredibly sweet and i’m happy for the both of them.

him taking accountability not just in his relationships but with his whole relationship history is really important. that odd story about him and his ex breaking up 5 hours before he met jas likeeee.

and now about the song — i did just say this but it’s about elena i’m pretty sure. basically everything he said in this podcast is verbatim the song that she wrote about him. (and makes me wonder if her january activities have less to do with her being supposedly wronged by him and more to do with feeling a duty to help a girl out by not trying to enter a relationship with him)

and finally i love hearing him talk about masculinity. been waiting for this podcast ep ever since i knew they recorded it (like mid april lol). i do wish that if he ever does another with them that they will expand into a conversation about gender roles and internalized misogyny especially when it comes to relationships and basically delving into ideas he introduced with “woman”.

anyways he’s a flawed human and everything justin said about people loving him because of his vulnerability is too true in my case. yay ant :)

[the1975attheirverybest]

omfg just woke up and scrolled through your blog (Im a stalker, don't blame me this is where I get my news). but also i dont fuck much with time zones but im p sure yours is behind mine so good morning! or good afternoon or somewhere in the middle

hope you're well 💖💖

1) Matty in that hoodie - cutie!

2) I hate hate hate the the term marriage material so much it is outdate and fucked up. Like beach body - is your body ready for some beach? Then yay it's a fucking beach body. Do you wanna marry a person? Do they want to marry you? Yay I pronounce you both marriage material(s?).

3) I hope the anons are fucking at least keeping their judgment in their heads (doubt) bcs this is a fun fandom to be in. But I've seen this fuck up fandoms. This obsession with dating life, stalking (looking at twt people here), and general inability to separate "haha he's so boyfriend" from real life/world stuff.

4) I really don't want us (them! actually, I want to point fingers) to make this fandom "unwelcome" for the guys. Yknow what I mean? If people are actively judging their gfs, if people are downright stalking them and being creeps, etc. A "line" will have to be drawn. I mean the line exists now, implicitly, for people who have the rationale/brain to understand it but it seems some just need a more explicit definition which would suck actually.

Oh and also there is something so sexist about this whole Meredith discourse, and I think it just amounts to people being unable to accept that Matty is "not behaving" the way they would want to. (ridiculous and reminiscent of what happens with taylor all the fucking time). But then we can blame our babygirl cutie Matty, surely he has been enchanted by the evil 24 year old lmao. That whole narrative is so offensive to everyone involved? They're misrepresenting the fandom, they're truly embarrassing themselves, they're being sexist towards Mer, and they're treating Matty as if he is some unintelligent idiot (which we know he isn't).

You took the words right out of my mouth. I couldn’t have said it better myself.

I’m sorry but you don’t get to perpetuate your internalized sexism and expect the rest of us to just accept it as a different “opinion” or “take." It’s like saying “can I do bad things but also have no consequences.” No. No you can’t. Sorry your bubble has burst and matty isn’t cooperating with your mistaken image of who he is. But that’s on you not on him. Also do some work and unpack the misogyny ffs.

[rachel-langella-author]

Black Christmas

Tonight's holiday horror pick is Black Christmas (1974), which is notable for being one of the earliest slasher films. Like When a Stranger Calls (1979), it was inspired by the "the call is coming from inside the house!" urban legend, but with sorority sisters rather than a babysitter.

SPOILERS below!

Low budget, early 1970s film quality--check! We open to a cheerful holiday scene outside what I presume is the sorority house, all decked out in lights and decorations. Cue the creepy mouth-breathing and slight camera wobble to signal we're in the killer's POV. Fortunately, that's just an establishing technique, and it doesn't last long. We switch to a steady camera while the creepy dude's shadow falls across the window of the sorority house. Mouth breathing intensifies.

Margo Kidder! What's Lois Lane doing smoking cigarettes and using foul language??

Return to Creeper Cam as he climbs the trellis to gain access to the house.

Olivia Hussey! What's Juliet doing at a college party with alcohol and boys?

Creeper Cam: He's in the attic. Why do they have a rocking horse in the attic of a sorority house?

Oh, god, the burnt orange carpet. The orange/brown/cream flower patterned drapes. I'm having Seventies flashbacks. If I see an avocado green or mustard yellow appliance, someone will need to send help.

Fake out with the first phone call--it's Barb's mom, with whom Barb obviously has a rocky relationship. (Calling her mom a "gold-plated whore" to her face was my first clue.) The second call, though, is Creeper Dude, and he's called before. The girls refer to him as "The Moaner." If he's called before and he obviously knows where the sorority house is, I think we can assume he's stalked them. So tonight is his escalation from gross creeping to murder. Yay.

The call consists of disturbing noises that escalate to very gross, very crude, and very misogynistic rambling. The young women crowd around the phone and listen with visible fear and concern while "Hark the Herald Angels Sing" plays in the background until Barb grabs the phone from Jess and delivers some stinging zingers. Creeper Dude dials his misogyny up to 11 and ends with "I'm going to kill you" before hanging up.

Claire mentions a "townie" girl who was sexually assaulted recently, and Barb replies in a way that lets us know she's a) a snob and b) carrying around some internalized misogyny of her own.

The house mother arrives, wearing a cloche hat and dangling a cigarette in an actual cigarette holder from her lips. Faded 1920s/1930s chic. She's the "recapturing her youth by overseeing the young women" trope in the flesh. She is also, of course, a secret lush who has bottles of booze hidden all over the house.

This script was written by a man, wasn't it.

First victim! It's Claire, who had a brief bit of dialogue with her boyfriend earlier. Not nearly enough to make us invested in her, but hey, someone's got to be brutally murdered first. Creepy Killer is lurking in her closet, and we see her through a sheet of plastic (why is that in the closet? who knows. Deus ex Machina killer cover, I suppose According to wikipedia, it's a plastic dress bag) from his POV.

The yellow flowered wallpaper in Claire's room. I can't.

Claire commits the common error of horror movie victims: moving toward the strange noise while asking, "Who's there? Claude?" I'm not sure if Claude is her boyfriend or the house cat. I'm just saying Creepy Killer better keep his fucking mitts off the cat. Do I care that much about Claire? No. But if the cat dies, I riot.

I low-key want Phyl's shawl.

We can see this movie setting up some of the standard tropes used in later slasher movies. Barb is a brash young woman who smokes and drinks set up in opposition to Jess, who tries to play peacemaker between Barb and Claire. Barb is wearing her shirt unbuttoned low enough that we can tell she's not wearing a bra, while Jess is fully covered in a sweater and wears a cross pendant. Clear good girl/bad girl juxtaposition. I predict Barb is going to be murdered, and Jess is going to be our Final Girl.

Jess's boyfriend, Peter, calls. He's a dick. Jess then goes upstairs and knocks on Claire's door, but, uh... too late.

Creepy Killer has her stashed in the attic, seated by the window in a rocking chair.

Update: Claude is the cat. He's trapped in the attic with Claire.

Plot twist! Jess is pregnant! Peter is overjoyed, but Jess wants an abortion. Peter: "Don't you ever consider anyone but yourself?" Jess, you can do so much better.

Creepy Killer calls the sorority house again, and this time, he does voices and mentions someone named Billy. "Where did you put Agnes, Billy?"

Peter bombs the piano audition/judged recital or whatever the fuck he's been practicing for, and OF COURSE it's all Jess's fault. He destroys the piano, because that's the reasonable and mature response.

John Saxon! I remember seeing him in everything back in the day.

House mother: "I might be gone when you get back because I'm going to my sister's for the holidays." So you're going to be murdered while everyone else is out of the house, and no one will find your body because they'll assume you've left town. Got it.

RIP house mother! She took a hook to the face when she went up to the attic to find Claude.

Peter: "I'm quitting the conservatory, and we're getting married...Let's get one thing straight: you're not getting rid of that baby." A controlling dick. Jess says she doesn't want to marry Peter, and he tells her she'll be sorry. I think we're being set up to suspect him as the killer? But no, I think he's just an abusive control freak.

Creepy Killer put a baby doll in Claire's lap and is rocking the chair. This is some Norman Bates level shit.

Having a plainclothes cop watching the house won't do any good when the killer is inside the house!

RIP Barb, murdered by being stabbed with the horn of one of her own unicorn figurines. Creepy Killer aka Billy rambled about Agnes again, so I think we can safely assume he did something bad to her. Probably his sister? No one knows Barb is dead yet because some kids who sound like the Vienna Boys Choir showed up at the door to sing "Oh Come Let Us Adore Him" and drowned out Barb's death screams.

It's a bit late to be locking all the doors and windows now, Phyl!

Oh shit, RIP Phyl. She went to check on Barb, and the ominous closing of the door behind her signals off-camera murder.

Oh my sweet Baby Jane--the house mother really was trying to cling to her faded glory! There are vinyl records of The McHenry Sisters propped up near Billy while he makes another call using the house mother's phone in her room.

"You left Billy alone with Agnes?" Okay, yeah, Billy killed his sister.

John Saxon's slow dawning horror as he realizes THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE. Also, the plainclothes cop is dead.

Nash, you dumbass, you weren't supposed to tell Jess that.

Jess, what part of "put the phone down and walk out of the house" do you not understand? Barb and Phyl are not going to answer you!

So they take Claire's dad to the hospital, but not Jess who has just killed Peter with a poker because he was being creepy and obsessive at the most wrong time of all and who is pregnant.

...I'm not sure if they've even found Claire and the house mother yet.

NOPE THEY HAVE NOT.

God damn it, this is why 1970s horror movies annoy the fuck out of me! The endings. The police left Jess alone in her bedroom in the house rather than taking her to the hospital while Claire is still visible in the attic window. Sure, there's a cop milling around outside, but the killer is still in there, and as the camera pulls back from the exterior of the house, we hear a phone start to ring.

Final Thoughts: I can see how it provided a foundation for the slasher films that came after it. We never see more of the killer than isolated body parts, and we never learn anything more about him or his motives than what he alludes to re: Agnes during the phone calls, and I'm fine with his motives being vague. I'm not so fine with the implications the movie makes about mental health issues. Clearly this is a guy who should have been in treatment of some kind. But stigmatizing mental health and making Billy a serial killer obsessed with young women is the easy and low effort path to creating a frightening antagonist.

I strongly suspect Barb is bisexual or a lesbian. I'd have to rewatch the movie to construct a supported thesis, which I don't want to do anytime soon, but maybe I'll circle back to that someday.

I really have to wonder if the scriptwriter thought he was being a feminist when he wrote this.

Overall, not bad, especially if you're interested in seeing an early slasher prototype. No jump scares (yay!), no gore, minimal blood. And the blood we do see is that Hammer Horror movie type blood that looks radioactive and is in no way mistakable for real blood. The murders aren't at all graphic; the movie is very careful in what it doesn't show, which lets us fill in the blanks ourselves.

As far as I can tell, Claude the cat survived.

I'm waffling between 3.5 and 4, but it's the holidays, so I'll be generous: 4 out of 5 zombie Santas.

[mayisgoingnuts]

HEHEHEHDH

Also I did have an idea for a character to do with Tom who's like her female co worker who's constantly jealous of her since said worker has a lot of internalized misogyny and always tries to make herself seem better or more unique than Tom—so you may have a new character to hate on soon!/silly

YAY MORE PPL TO HATE😈😈/j /silly

[tavarillasgalen]

I was thinking about my "new" trainer (new in quotation marks because I've been with her the same amount of time as my old trainer now) and why it is that like... I honestly kind of dread our sessions together when I looked forward to the sessions with my old trainer so much. And that's something that makes me really sad because like... I was so excited to have a female trainer and for the potential for female friendship. Because there's just so many men in my life, I was like, yay!! Sisterhood!!

But I think today pinpointed why I went from being excited about training sessions to dreading them.

Because she is always canceling and rescheduling. And last minute too, when the policy is supposed to be 24 hours notice, whether it's client or trainer. And she's always repeating herself over and over and over. And then she's always treating me like I know nothing about fitness and when I try to be like, yes I know, or yes I've done this many times before, she just kinda goes, sure, and then keeps explaining, like I was just saying I knew and didn't actually know. And then she acts so shocked when I demonstrate that I actually do know things. And then our sessions are supposed to be an hour long, like, that's what I'm paying for, but the workouts are only 40 minutes, and then she's been like, oh, yeah, i'll make them longer, and then she... doesn't. And then she leaves me to do the last exercise on my own, which makes me lose respect for her because it feels like she's trying to avoid work as much as possible.

So, I went from being excited about our sessions to dreading them because a) who knows if they are even going to happen because she's canceled on me 10 minutes prior to the session before, and b) I know I'm going to be talked down to and underestimated, and c) I know she's going to repeat the things she's said so many times before which really annoys me because I'm someone who only needs to be told something once and then I'm good, and d) I don't feel like I'm getting what I'm paying for.

And it's something that makes me sad because like, I was so excited about my sessions with my last trainer, and then I was like... idk, questioning my feminism or something I guess? Because I was like, I really looked forward to the session with him, but I dread the sessions with her, like... is this internalized misogyny popping out?? Why is this??

But it's not. Because like. My last trainer only rescheduled on me once and he gave me like 5 days notice before hand, so I could count on him to be there when he said he would be. He never talked down to me, he talked to me like an equal, like I knew just as much about fitness and nutrition as he did. He never repeated himself, he expected if something was said once that you got it, and I did. And instead of underestimating me and acting shocked when I could do things, he was always finding ways to test me. Like, he'd be like, alright, I know that's easy for you, so let's try this and see if that's more challenging. Our sessions would be the full hour. And he reminded me of my little brothers, so he had that going for him too.

So I looked forward to the sessions with him because I could count on him to be there (for the full time too), to challenge me, and to treat me like I knew things.

Whereas this other trainer... is not like that.

So, I feel like I'm just waiting for our remaining sessions to run out so I can do my own thing, because I just... don't look forward to them at all. And that makes me sad. Because I thought the switch to a female trainer would be amazing, but, uh... it's not.

And like. Obviously, it has nothing to do with her gender. If a guy were like that, I would be super annoyed too. But I just. Was hoping for more female companionship and instead wound up with someone who is lazy and condescending. So. That's cool.

[wilcze-kudly]

Sorry to answer so late, I was honestly hella busy and didn't have to much time to respond.

Thank you for the compliments, you're very sweet! And you expressed your thoughts very well, no clumsiness. And I don't think you need mastery over the characters of a piece of media to offer commentary anyway.

You're very right on the point of Korra and her storyline. I actually enjoyed Korra's storyline of trauma for its themes of resilience and healing, but I think it was ruined for me once it became abot Korra basically being beaten down until she "learns compassion" and she wasn't even that much of an incompassionate person before!

I don't like Kuvira's redemption arc. Not that I don't think that she couldn't have one, but it would need to be extremely drawn out and detailed and presebted in a particualr way. Neither the show or the comics delivered.

I'd say that Republic City is a bit complex in its inspirations? Like a lot of its designs come from I believe Shanghai in the 1920s and a few other areas. But its storylines and bibes are certainly very american. I don't particularly dislike the idea of an area where the Four Nations live harmoniously, I just think that the USA is a shitty way to do it. And it should be less of an independent country and more of an international zone, I suppose? Like Antartica or smth. At least that would be more interesting than New York wearing a Shanghai skinmask.

I don't like the idea of Avatar moving away from its original references, unless its to add more marginalised ans underrepresented cultures, and I hope they won't do so. While in modern times we certainly see the world conforming more to American and European standards, there are still buildings, fashion styles that draw more heavily from other cultures.

I also sadly think that the reason Korra suffered so much during the show is kind of because of the fandom reception to her. A lot of people disliked Korra, found her arrogant, annoying etc. And a lot of people did want to see her 'humbled'. (I can smell misogyny and racism yay)

And I think that the creators leaned into the fandom concepts around Korra, either trying to appa to the fans, or because they had those thoughts about her too. It's sad but not uncommon for this to happen to characters, particularly female characters.

I have a question what do you like of final of the Legend of Korra and What do you not like it ? ( S4)

Ah, B4. My favourite season and the season I hate the most at the same time. I have such mixed feelings about it and I think most of it stems from the utilisation of Nazi and Soviet imagery and inspirations in the Earth Empire.

Because it disrupts any sympathy, I could have towards the good Kuvira had done for the Earth Kingdom because of the IRL historical context behind those same pros in the regimes Kuvira was based on.

Technological advancements and modernisation? Made possible by essentially slave labour of the people of the country, particularly the prisoners of gulags, who were in huge part political prisoners (known as biełoruczki, if I remember correctly). I use the term 'political' very loosely because because many of the 'crimes' were just... really stupid. For example having rented a French book from a library.

Kuvira's attack on Republic City is also heavily recontextualised due to this context. Because, in a void, a woman of a county that has been heavily affected by a war trying to regain a former colonised region of her country that hadn't been returned after the end of the war is not a terribly immoral thing. You could even describe it as justified.

But with the context of Kuvira's inspirations it takes on a darker meaning as one of the Soviet and Nazi excuses for invading Poland in 1939. In the words of Timothy Snyder, historian and author:

Hitler saw Poland as the ‘unreal creation’ of the Treaty of Versailles, Molotov as its ‘ugly offspring.

Furthermore, even post-Soviet Russia has a similar pattern of dismissing the legitimacy countries that fall victim to their campaigns. For example, Putin justifying the current genocide and war crimes in Ukraine by claiming Ukraine to be historically Russian lands and that Ukrainians and Russians are 'one Nation'. I have spoken at length on Kuvira's parallels to Putin and length, I believe.

Connecting Kuvira's claim on Repubmic City to these ideologies is counterproductive to any sympathy I could have to her goals. Because, in a void, decolonisation. With the influences assigned to her, it's rather giving 'imperial nostalgia'.

And I know that you could easily make the argument that we should look at the Earth Empire as it's own thing, that it isn't defined by its historical infulences. But I do believe it does. Kuvira's inspirations are glaring, obvious and hard to ignore. Especially the Nazi ones.

Kuvira's Soviet inspirations, which in my opinion, are a far bigger part of the show, are, however, more insidious. Mainly because a Western Audience isn't primed to see the danger and sordid history in the ideologies she presents here.

Because a lot of younger First World citizens seem to have this weird hard on for Soviet Russia, ignoring that it was just as horrific as the 3rd Reich.

Now, I actually really liked Kuvira as an antagonist in the first half of the season. I'd even classify her as my favourite main villain (my fave antagoinst in general being Aiwei's gayass).

I really enjoyed the mix of Nazi and Soviet inspirations behind her character, because while these ideologies may seem different at first, they aren't actually that dissimilar, even being referred to as 'Totalitarian Twins'.

Which is why I mildly push back against people claiming that Kuvira represented simply fascism. I believe Kuvira could've been an almost perfect 'human' commentary on totalitarianism.

I belive that Kuvira is an amalgamation of multiple totalitarian dictators, not just Stalin and Hitler, combining their common traits and behaviours.

We are very quickly shown how charismatic Kuvira is and how she is skilled at social engineering by, for example manipulating Bolin and Korra, as well as strategically putting on displays of power and strength to intimidate opponents and endear allies.

Showmanship is a huge part of a lot of totalitarian dictatorships, particularly as many of them rely on cult of personality, which certainly rings true for the Earth Empire.

We're also quickly shown how fond Kuvira is of ultimatums and total control. This 'all or nothing' mentality is a common theme in totalitarian countries. You're either with the ruling part 100%, or you're an enemy of the state. See my above description of political prisoners in gułags. Kuvira's weaponisation of the context of historical necessity is also a trademark of Soviet regime.

Kuvira's characteristation as manipulative, intimidating and calculating behind her more charismatic and virtuous veneer is a perfect mirror into how irl totalitarian regimes often hide behind friendly faces and utilise sound ideologies to obscure their true insidious intents.

And then the show ruins this excellent villain with a poorly executed sympathy scene and later a shitty redemption arc.

That's not to say I'm fully opposed to Kuvira having a sob backstory and being marginally sympathetic. But I would rather this be used to show off how totalitarianism is inherently a self destructive system. Leaning into Kuvira being an insecure, compensating control freak rather than presenting her as a misguided heroine who lost her way would be a much better use of her character imo.

I liked seeing her cry like a little bitch tho that was cathartic and also sexy.

But you know who actually deserved the sympathy and empathy we were encouraged to give Kuvira? The Beifong family, especially the Zaofu crew! And if you follow me you've probably heard me ramble about this already but they really were the only real ones that season.

They were the literal only ones actively warning everyone about Kuvira and seeing through her bullshit. And it's no surprise, since they know Kuvira. Sure, their grudge against her probably influenced their opinions, but the comics show that there were symptoms of the person Kuvira would eventually become even as a child, like in her anger issues and her destroying Opal's dollhouse as punishment for Opal setting a very rational boundary.

I truly think the Beifong family deserved more screentime and we desrved to hear more out of all of them. As for example, Huan could easily illustrate the irl censorship and control totalitarian governments. Like, there's a reason Polish writer and painter Stanisław Witkiewicz overdosed and slit his wrists after hearing about the Soviets. One of his books also practically predicted the totalitarian control of Nazis and Soviets on Polish art and self expression. But the talk of Huan's wasted potential can wait for another time.

I also liked Wei calling Kuvira out after she was describing herself as a peaceful negotiator by going: You call bringing an army to threaten our city peaceful? After which the conversation was immediately redirected because really Kuvira couldn't maintain her flimsy moral ambiguity if the was answered.

This was his only line in the season and he ATE.

I frankly didn't care much for Toph's inclusion in the season? It felt rather contrived and existing purely for the viewers to get excited and recreate the Leonardo DiCaprio pointing at screen meme. This is the same feeling I had about Zuko in B3. Katara is the only cool Gaang octogenarian to me.

I didn't really have an opinion on Lin thsi season. She's.... there? I thought it was sweet that she went to rescue Suyin and that she seemed to have fixed her relationship with her to some extent. But honestly after 4 books her combative nature was overstaying its welcome. Being mean to traumatised teenagers as a middle aged cop is only funny the first few times.

I guess I enjoyed the relationship drama between Toph and Lin and it was nice to see them begin to reconcile. Though, once again it feels repetitive, like a mommy issues reskin of Lin and Suyin's conflict in B3.

Speaking of estranged Beifongs, I particularly liked Baatar Jr's storyline and think he would've made for a much better antag to sympathise with than Kuvira. I like the implications of his inferiority complex and his redeeming moments of trying to stop the spirit canon when Opal was in range of getting hit and the implication that he loved Kuvira much more than he did for the Earth Empire. It's not much, and he's certainly not a good person, but he had more grounds for a redemption than Kuvira.

And I loved Opal's storyline of opposing Kuvira so staunchly and being positioned as Kuvira's primary detractor. I love seeing how Opal had evolved between B3 and B4. How she's visibly more confident and sure in herself and willing to stand up for not only herself but those in need. Her hair growing messy after B3 is also so important to me and wonderful visual storytelling.

I do, however, have a few gripes with the treatment of her character, particularly the minimisation of her concern around Kuvira. Like the rest of the Beifongs, Opal is presented as irrational in her hostility towards Kuvira, which isn't the case at all. She is berated by established characters like Jinora and Korra for her stance, especially after the attempt on Kuvira's life. Actually, I think that: well Su and the twins were the aggressors in this situation, after Kuvira actively threatened military action on your peaceful city could constitute for gaslighting.

Even after Kuvira is proven multiple times to be dangerous and a threat, Opal's despaur over having her family captured and home conquered is treated as inconsequential grumpiness and is pushed aside in order to make room for the plot. Hell, Opal even tags along with Korra and Jinora to help investigate the Spirit Wilds.

(Opal is a better woman than me if someone pulled that shit on me I'd like. Not talk to them for at least a month.)

...And the second half of the season where she gets booted back into the love interest zone is fucking painful. The moment Bolin arrives in Republic City, Opal's very valid frustration and anger is reduced to a lovers' spat and focus is redirected to Bolin "winning her back". And after all is well in obligatory comphet world, I don't think Opal even speaks. It's like after she forgave Bolin and their relationship returned to status quo, she immediately just became an NPC.

Despite my hatred for how Bolin impacts Opal's storyline, I actually adored Bolin's being part of Kuvira's army, and how that was handled.

I liked seeing the continuation of Bolin being easily manipulated by those he looks up to due to his childhood. I liked the portrayal of Bolin's good intentions being used by Kuvira, since it once again parallels the irl inspirations behind Earth Empire .A huge chunk of the Soviets' detractors were actually disillusioned communists, who had joined and given their support, only to be betrayed by the system that they hoped would bring about a positive change.

Sadly, after Bolin deserted from Kuvira, this excellent set up isn't followed up on properly. Instead of any teaching moment or character development, we get Bolin moping for an episode, a few apologies and essentially a fetch quest. And after that, Bolin's honour is restored and he essentially goes back to how he was before B4. Which is dissapointing as hell.

I really enjoyed Korra's recovery arc, it wa svery moving but not to the point of making me too uncomfortable. However, I don't like the notion that she had to suffer to learn compassion and 'become a better person', which is the implication. Because that's an extremely harmful idea and just false. Seeing Korra be constantly beaten down and hurt in the name of "learning compassion" or some bullshit is honestly unsettling.

I also think that Korra's personal arc was ill placed and messed with the main storyline. I think that showcasing Korra's new "compassionate" worldview on Kuvira is the main reason behind the downfall of Kuvira as a character for me. Trying to justify Kuvira's abhorrent actions in service of Korra's personal development is... a bit problematic to say the least

I actually despised Republic City being in the focus of this season. Like, so much is probably going on in the Earth Kingdom but we have to be stuck outside of the Iron Curtain. And meanwhile we have to sit through contrived plots in New York City but make it Oriental. It kinda reeks of USA self-centeredness. And it makes our main characters seem kinda like assholes because they're people with infuence and yet they're just chilling while people die in Concentration Camps so um.

I think the reason I hate B4 is because it's I also love it so much. I love it for the groundwork it set and for what it could've been. It could've been brilliant, but it ended up convoluting its messages and playing into harmful tropes, probably unintentionally.

The worst part of B4 is how good it started off. The begining was excellent and the second half drove it into the ground for me.

....and of course the best thing to come out of B4 was ✨️the weilin face pat✨️. Absolutely iconic scene, best ship in the show, hands down. Though I love that every single Krew Member was given a queer love interest.

Slay. A gaggle of wild bisexuals.

[unchartedcloud]

Let me preface this by saying all my friends are part of the queer community. But lately I’ve been having a hard time talking with my friends about why they need to support more wlw shows, specifically shows that feature lesbians. Anytime I bring up a sapphic show to watch (that isn’t animated) it feels like pulling teeth sometimes getting them to watch it. They’re all “too scary”, “too sad”, “not really my type”, etc. Which is fair. Not every piece of representation is going to be everyone’s cup of tea.

But they flock toward any media with mlm.

And don’t get me wrong. There are some great mlm stories out there right now and they also deserve love. And I’m glad that these stories are being told.

But I think that it’s important to acknowledge that this isn’t just a pattern with straight people. It’s also a pattern in the queer community too. It’s become so ingrained in us to shy away from sapphic stories but we normalize mlm stories because they’re more “wholesome” or they have “better representation”.

(I’m also in no way saying that shows like First Kill or The Wilds didn’t have enough of a fan base. Netflix and Amazon’s flimsy excuses are just that. These shows had a huge dedicated fan base and they deserved better)

I think this is a problem that really needs to be addressed but no one wants to address it. How can we as a queer community support the sapphic community if we don’t acknowledge that we have some societal bias in us too that we need to unlearn.

I’m not even sure what point I’m trying to make except that I’m tired of people telling me “be happy with the animated representation you get” but when I point out stories that portray live people I get a million excuses about why it’s “not good” and “xyz mlm show did this trope better”.

I hope the people in the back are listening to you, anon.

It's another instantiation of social power structures. Society assumes white, cis, abled, (affluent) straight men are the norm; when a story is about them, it's about everyone. The more of those identities you change, the more "niche" the story is perceived to be. Change just one (our protagonist is queer now) and it's just slightly less than mainstream. The audience will shrink a bit, but progressive minded folks will still watch it. Yay! Queer rep! But change more, and that audience shrinks even further. You'll cut out plenty of straight folks by making the protag queer, cis folks by making the protag trans, white folks by making the protag Black or Brown, and on down the line. The further away you get from that perceived norm, the more folks are gonna feel like the story isn't for them. And yes, that's true in the queer community too. Just because we have one marginalized identity doesn't mean we don't have others that are privileged. First Kill had a Black, sapphic teenage girl at center stage - that's 3 degrees of "niche" right there. And that's assuming she's cis, neurotypical, and that there's no ageist bias.

The reality is, folks with marginalized identities have had a lot of practice empathizing with characters who don't look or live like them. With representation being what it was up until now (and even then!), it's often the only choice they have growing up. But folks who don't share those marginalized identities haven't had reason to develop that skill set - if most folks you see on screen or in books look like you, you don't have to work as hard to see yourself in the story. It's not about being a good or bad person or whatever, they just haven't practiced empathizing with characters who aren't like them, and as a result think stories about those characters aren't "for" them. Folks with marginalized identities haven't had that luxury.

Not to mention all the internalized misogyny, racism, etc that breeds implicit bias, in turn convincing us that stories about characters with marginalized identities aren't told as well. (Plus any of the other reasons people give that actually translate into "I'm just not interested in that character's story.)

Tl;dr: I feel your pain, anon. If we really care about representation, those of us with privileged identities need to practice empathizing with characters who are different from us. And the best way to do that is to engage with their stories!!

Also, FUCK Netflix.

[dolokhoded]

if you can do two or some, can u do marya and hélène for the character ask thing. <3

ofc you'd ask for marya and hélène. let's see.

marya

do i like them: girlboss yes.

5 good qualities: 1) girlboss. 2) scary but in a good way 3) grace mclean is pretty 4) made anatole shit his pants 5) she's loud n fun

3 bad qualities: 1) natasha yeller 2) that one time she called hélène a whore in the book? 3) did have a little internalized misogyny in general so thanks for that tolstoy.

favorite moment: obv this has to be "you will not enter MYYYYYY HHHOUUUUUSEEE".

otp: blank.

brotp: i think we should talk about her relationship with sonya more.

ot3: blank

notp: uhhh again, like vera, nothing in particular but anything that's like,, weird.

best quote: in "in my house" when she says "it's lucky for him he escaped but i'll find him" like miss girl are you gonna MURDER anatole

headcanon: autistic bc i said so <3

hélène

do i like them: she's my wife actually.

5 good qualities: again girlboss, she's sexy and she likes women, she tortured pierre, had to put up with major shit for wanting a way out of her toxic abusive marriage???? which,, ok !

3 bad qualities: she's a kuragin............. also she's like manipulative etc etc i don't care i have no room in my heart to slander hélène anymore she had a TABLE thrown at her

favorite moment: book moment was her last few chapters before she died. not because yay hélène death or anything omg they were just really interesting to me. comet moment when amber gray comes in in the opera and she does all those little twirls and shit. she's so cute.

otp: again blank

brotp: HÉLÈNE AND BORIS HÉLÈNE AND BORIS HÉLÈNE AND BORIS !!!???!?! fav girlboss duo. let's talk about them more.

ot3: none ig

notp: hélène and pierre obviously. although i do think their dynamic is,, really interesting, but like, no. if anyone actually seriously ships these two.... girl. also hélène and dolokhov were ruined for me by the bbc series like what was that.

best quote: for some reason her "such a shame to bury pearls in the country" quote stuck with me.

headcanon: hélène's actually very good at writing. she liked to read a lot of fiction when she was younger and i guess it payed off.