#and like someone's whispering while i practice guitar at night or i feel paranoid

[candydos]

i am genuinely so unmedicated (babygirl)

[thejokersenigma]

Deadly Voice Part 10

Hi guys - sorry this chapter is sooo long. I’ve been working and reworking it for a while now - but I’m finally just going to give up and post it so I apologise if its not great!

I hope you guys enjoy anyway - oh I am also on AO3 and Fanfic.net under a similar name if anyone would rather read it on there!

Thank you all for following me as well by the way - all comments are welcome and I’d love to chat or answer questions if anyone has any!

Masterlist

It was nearly a week later when I saw the Joker again; he was in his usual booth as I looked out into the crowd from the stage preforming my usual set. He was in black trousers and a white shirt with the top of his pale chest exposed to the air and decorated with golden chains.

Tonight was different to the usual though. He usually kept his gaze on me causing me to squirm, but tonight he didn’t look at me throughout the entire performance. Tonight, his attention was between his phone and the scantly glad waitresses that floated amongst the tables.

I could feel my heart drop at this and I cursed myself silently – why should I care? This should be a welcome relief from his usual behaviour. I tried to keep my head clear and carry on with my set but soon felt something stir in my stomach as I saw him look at a cocktail waitress in a particularly revealing dress – I could practically hear him purr. How could I be jealous of that girl? It was ridiculous - why would I want a murderous psycho looking at me like that?! Yes I couldn’t deny that he was handsome in a rather unusual way and he had a way of talking which could charm anyone – but he was also someone who didn’t care about anything or anyone, could kill without blinking and who would give gifts like live guns and bullets! His insanity was clearly rubbing off on me.

The rest of my performance I kept my eyes away from the back row of booths and I made myself focus solely on my songs, not noticing that my music became more and more like ballads.

As my set finished I left the stage only to be caught by Mr Grimms waiting for me in the wings.

“Hey [L/N]! I need you for the next set.” He called after me as I moved away to get changed.

“What?” I spun around confused – I was done for the night.

“I’ve had my dancer call off tonight and I know you have a background in it.” He stated.

“Yeah from 5 years ago – I haven’t done it since!” I told him.

“That’s more than anyone else has here!” He retorted. “Here!” He handed me a small dress. I held it up and marvelled at the small amount of material

“I won’t fit in that!” He raised one eyebrow at me and before I could say anything he had turned and walked away. I knew there was no use following him.

“Errr!” I huffed in exasperation - could tonight get any worse?!

I made my way to the dressing rooms with my tiny piece of fabric. Once I finally managed to squirm into the dress I looked at myself in the mirror. I could hardly recognise myself, it was a deep green fabric which wrapped around my neck and finished mid-thigh. It clung to every curve of my body and hid nothing – it was good thing I had been so low on food recently really.

After digging in the bottom of my dressing room wardrobe I found  a pair of matching colour heels and then headed back to the stage, trying to stay out of sight for as long as possible and constantly pulling my skirt down paranoid.

“Hey [L/N] – hear your my dancer for the night!” chirped Ryan who stood backstage tuning a guitar. He was the singer in a band Penguin hired for Friday and Saturday nights ever since the music line up had changed.

“Yeah – that’s me.” I said unenthusiastically giving him a grimace of a smile.

“Are we really that terrible?” He laughed raising an eyebrow at my expression.

“Sorry – no it’s just this dress is a tad… revealing.” I said searching for the best word to sum up my chronic embarrassment.

“You look beautiful – doesn’t she boys?” He called off his shoulder at the rest of the band who were also tuning guitars and fiddling with other electronic equipment. His response was a chorus of ‘yeahs’ and a wolf whistle from the drummer. Ryan raised both his eyebrows at me this time with a look that said ‘see?’

“Aww cheers.” I said laughing but feeling my cheeks go hot.

“Now let’s go do this!” Ryan rallied before striding up onto the stage with confidence.

I waited for the band to file on behind him and I followed quietly behind them, stopping just out of sight behind the side curtain. I stood awkwardly fiddling with the hem of my dress as they set up their instruments and microphones.

Eventually they were ready and the drum beat started. As Ryan began to sing he gave me a slight hand signal and I nervously headed onto the stage. I knew this song quite well and I moved to the beat, trying to ignore the audience before me, focusing solely on Ryan who I liked and felt comfortable around. I made sure to move right to the lyrics Ryan sang, sauntering away, spinning and moving my hips to the changes in tone to the lyrics. By the time the song was over I could feel my insecurities beginning to slip.

“Ready for the next one?!” Shouted Ryan to the audience and then glanced at me. I gave him a slight nod and a small smile. He grinned at me and signalled for the band to start the next song.

As the songs kept going and I moved more and more I could feel myself letting go and caring less – gone were my thoughts of the gun in my room, gone were the memories of the night before, gone were my feelings of the Jokers lust filled eyes staring at waitresses.

Before I knew it the bands last song began. It had a deeper beat and sexier, more sensual tone to it, so I decided to have some fun. I swung my hips and swayed to music, sliding my hands up and down my body. I strode up to Ryan and he played along with my game until we were grinning at each other. I leaned into him and began to move my hands around him slightly and, though I kept my movements looking flirtatious, I never did anything inappropriate. I kept contact on him as I moved around him before striding off, in time to the lyrics, down the stage like a catwalk. As I reached the end of the stage I spun and dropped down to a squat before slowly rising up back up again.

I probably looked like an idiot pretending to be a stripper, but it was just me and the guys in my head and I was happy for a laugh at my idiotic moves. Finally, I strode back to Ryan and swung into him provocatively, grinding against him like I had seen some of the dancers do at the old club. I heard the last chords of the song and ended my game by flicking my hair back and leaning into Ryan to kiss his cheek.

“Thanks Ryan.” I whispered into his ear.

“Anytime – I mean it.” He murmured back and winked at me. I giggled in my still out-of-it state at his obvious hint.

I soon fell back to reality when a round of applause broke out to the band. I walked off the stage now truly feeling my embarrassment and the warmth of my skin no longing just being due to my dancing. Oh my God, what did I just do in front of everyone?! I really need a drink… I headed toward the bar fanning myself with my hand to try to cool my glowing face.

I sat myself down on a stool at the bar and ordered myself a cocktail. I took a long sip and twirled my straw between my fingers watching the rest of the club life. It was rare that I actually got to have a look out at the club when it was open and busy. I watch the couples at the tables, the huddles of girls giggling and grinding on the dance floor shooting flirtatious looks at the groups of guys chatting pick up strategies and meeting the girl’s eyes.

As I scanned the room I couldn’t help but let my eyes wander to his familiar pale face. He was facing me, watching with thunder in his eyes and I quickly glanced away and turned my attention back to my drink. I could still feel his eyes boring into me so I flicked my hair from over my shoulder so that it fell over my cheek and hid my face. I swallowed thickly. What had I done to deserve that look? Why was he so furious – deal gone south? Someone get his drink wrong? I didn’t know, and didn’t want to know, and certainly didn’t want his anger directed at me.

I felt a tap on my shoulder. My head shot up – I had been too deep in thought to notice anyone walk up behind me. I turned to see Johnny stood over me.

“Sorry Miss [L/N] – he is asking for you.” He muttered and he truly did seem sorry for his boss’s behaviour. I glanced around Johnny at the Joker. He met my eyes and raised his pale hand, beckoning me over with a finger. I shook my head at him defiantly – I was not a puppet to boss around.

“Sorry Johnny – I am not here for his convenience.” I stated, though not taking my eyes off the green haired gangsta. I heard Johnny sigh at the fact I wasn’t going easy.

The Joker raised a non-existent eyebrow at my response and, though the club was loud with music and voices, I could practically hear him growl from across the room. He reached into his jacket and pulled out his purple gun before lazily throwing his arm over the back of his chair aiming his gun into the next booth and at the nearest person.

I sighed and rolled my eyes. Of course. I wouldn’t put it past him to pull the trigger if I refused so I abandoned my drink on the bar, slid off my stall and wove my way through the crowd pulling my dress down self-consciously.

As he saw me moving towards him he lowered his gun and gave me a wide grin. “Hello gorgeous,” he greeted eyeing me up and down in my dress as I stopped next to his booth. Now I was closer I could see the start of his muscles through the open part of his shirt and I could feel the blush on my cheeks. “Did you enjoy yourself up there darling?” He raised his invisible eyebrows and his eyes looked dangerous. I presumed he was referring to my dancing previously.

“Yes I did.” I stated simply, not understanding his problem. His grin dropped slightly and he growled dangerously. I looked at him confused.

“Sit.” He demanded his eyes not leaving my face.

“No thank you.” I muttered not moving.

“Don’t push me honey.” He growled shooting me with a deadly glare and fiddling with his gun on top of the table.  I sighed at his threat and perched myself on the edge of the booth cushion. He raised one invisible eyebrow but didn’t say anything this time.

“Tell me sweetie, didn’t you like my present?” he asked innocently. His sudden mood swing took me back but I composed myself.

“You certainly have a unique idea of idea of what classes as a present.” I muttered dropping my eyes.

“Speak up sweetie you have such as lovely voice.” He purred showing me his wide grin again and his metal grill shone in the light emitted from lamp on the table. I shot him a dark look knowing full well he had heard me. “And here I thought you’d appreciate it.”

“Why? Why would you think that?!” I blurted out.

His eyes widen slightly at my outburst. “Careful.” He warned lowly. “Anger looks goooood on you babe.” He purred. “But don’t take it out on me.” He said innocently placing his hand on his bare chest.

“Not take it out on you?! You are the reason I am angry!” I cried.

“Is it really?” He pouted, teasing me. “What have I done that so bad?”

I couldn’t hold it back anymore – the idea that he didn’t think he was the reason just made me lose it.

What haven’t you done?! It’s all your mood swings! Your flirting and then threatening! Your staring! Your constant presence so I can never relax! The fact that I don’t know if you want to kill me or talk to me! Your weird dangerous presents! And the fact that I killed two people for you and you didn’t even thank me for it!”

“Bingo!” he cried out “We have a winner!” his red lips spreading into a menacing smile across his face.

I was confused and remained silent. “How did you justify it to yourself?” He questioned me, his eyes studying me.

“Excuse me?”

“People who don’t kill for a business – boring people – they have this thing of having to justify why they killed a person.” He explained slightly annoyed, as if normal people were the dullest people in the world. “So tell me what was yours?”

I didn’t say anything. He was right – I had justified it to myself, but why should I tell him. It wasn’t any of his business.

“Pretty, pretty, pretty….” He whispered at me but his icy eyes flashed dangerously.

“It’s not your business.” I muttered at him.

“Most people I can understand,” he said as if he didn’t hear me,” They usually have to kill for a reason – blackmail, money, lust…” he trialled off at me suggestively his eyes seemed to flash with something. “But I can’t see yours. So come on tell me pleeeasssseee.” He whined.

“I didn’t want your blood on my hands.” I admitted.

“But you were happy with the other two guy’s blood?” He questioned his face lighting up with delight at my obvious overlook. I stayed silent. He was right – why was his life any better than the other men’s? Why had I not even given a thought to the lives I was destroying? They may have done illegal things too, but I highly doubted the two of them combined had done as many illegal things or killed as many people as the Joker.

I looked away out to the stage where the next band, a jazz band, had begun to play. It was getting late now and I needed to get to bed.

“Ahh doll look at me…” he drawled. I didn’t move. He growled and slammed his hands on the table as he shoved himself up and across the booth in one fluid movement and grabbed my face pulling me up so I was inches from his. “I’ve let you get away with a lot tonight sugar, dancing with that boy, yelling at me, not looking me in the eye, but I think you need to learn some respect.” He snarled and I winced as his hand tightened on my chin and his fingers dug into my cheek.

Suddenly his grip was gone from my face and his hand slapped across my face. The shock, more than the force, caused my head to fly to the right and I stumbled catching myself on the booth cushions.

My cheek stung and I had to blink back tears as I looked up at him. He pulled his jacket straight but kept his head down, I wasn’t sure if he was trying to compose himself or if he felt bad. Hell of course he didn’t feel bad.

That was it. I wasn’t here to be teased, ridiculed and bruised. It was late and I was going to bed. I stood up abruptly and went to swiftly turn away but he shot his arm out and caught me.

He kept his head down, not looking me. “You’re not leaving me are you?” he murmured without looking up.

“I don’t want to be anywhere near you.” I snapped at him

“Ah doll your hurting me right here!” his mood changing instantly again, he was suddenly looking at me again, grinning insanely at me, pointing at his shoulder.

“I’m hurting you in your shoulder?” I demanded angrily.

“Oh I’m sorry” he let out his signature laugh, “– where’s a heart supposed to be? Here?” He gestured to his crotch, winked at me and continued to laugh loudly. He seemed to have snapped completely. His usual self was clearly only a small layer of his craziness. The slap seemed to have triggered something in him and released his true insanity.

“Oh no wait, it’s here!” he exclaimed still laughing manically and pointing at his jacket sleeve. “Because that’s where yours is baby!” he grinned maliciously.

“In your dreams!” I spat in shock at his mad behaviour.

“Some nights yeah,” he mocked, “but only because the reality inspires me!”

“Your- your…” I stuttered not knowing how I felt or how to describe him.

“‘Your’, ‘Your’,” he mimicked in a high pitch voice. “Come on sweetie – use your deadly little voice.” He purred.

But I didn’t. Instead I withdrew the arm he wasn’t gripping and didn’t hold back as I swung around to slap him in the face. I didn’t look to see what damage I had done I just ran as fast as I could up to my flat and locked the door behind me before collapsing in gasps and sobs against my front door.