#and like okay close enough theater kid

[gierosajie]

Loop under the hydro guillotine I guess

[steddieas-shegoes]

wanna shout it from the rooftops

for @steddie-week prompt 'secret relationship'

rated m | 1397 words | cw: implied sexual content | tags: secret relationship, established relationship, love confessions, making out, coming out

🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫

As soon as Dustin walked out the door, Eddie was backing Steve against the wall, lips on his neck, hands wandering across his arms and sides.

“God, I thought they’d never leave,” Steve gasped, throwing his head back as Eddie’s teeth bit into his collarbone. “Need you so fuckin’ bad, baby.”

“Looked so good in that apron. So unfair I couldn’t get my hands on you when you were making cookies for us,” Eddie groaned against his skin. “Wanna fuck you right here. Open you up on my tongue-“

“Sorry, Steve! Forgot my-“ Dustin’s voice stopped before Eddie could even register that he should pull away. “What the fuck!”

“Language!” Steve yelled as he shoved Eddie away from him, trying to fix his shirt and hair. Not that it would do any good; Dustin just got an eyeful already.

At least they weren’t naked. Yet.

“Please tell me you were fighting,” Dustin sounds distraught, which isn’t fair. He should’ve knocked.

“You spent months making me feel bad for not wanting to hang out with your new best friend and now you’re hoping we’re fighting?” Steve placed his hands on his hips, subtly trying to catch his breath and will his dick back to soft. “What about that looked like fighting to you? How have you not sat through sex ed yet?”

“You were having sex?!” Dustin’s voice cracked. “In the hall?!”

“Of my home!” Steve threw his arms up. “And no we weren’t having sex, but we were getting there.”

Eddie held his hands up, brain finally coming back online enough to intervene before things got out of hand.

“Okay. Dustin, why the hell are you even back?”

“I forgot my notebook.”

“And you decided to storm in here like it’s your house instead of knocking?” Steve was trying to take it easy, but everything was falling apart.

They’d kept their relationship a secret for nearly three months now. Robin didn’t even know.

Now that Dustin saw what he did, everyone would know and everyone would hate them and then Eddie would leave Steve for making everyone hate them and-

“Stevie!” Eddie’s hands were on his cheeks as Steve focused back in on what was going on. His breath was coming in short pants, and if Eddie wasn’t so close to him, he isn’t sure he’d be able to see him. “It’s okay, sweetheart. You’ve gotta breathe for me.”

Breathe for Eddie. He could do that. He did that all the time.

He liked doing what Eddie told him to, he liked the praise that came when he did it, he liked being good. Breathing was easy.

He took a deep breath, then another, relaxing as Eddie smiled back at him encouragingly.

“That’s good, angel. Keep doing that. I’m gonna get Dustin’s notebook, okay?” Eddie didn’t seem like he wanted to leave Steve alone, but he didn’t have much of a choice right now.

“Okay.”

Eddie walked away, towards the study that they’d turned into a game room for the kids to hang out in, and Steve immediately felt the panic settle in his chest again.

“Steve?” Dustin asked, stepping closer to him.

“Yeah?”

“Why didn’t you tell any of us?” Dustin sounded hurt, looked hurt. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was worried you’d hate me, or Eddie. That all of you would hate us for…for being different,” Steve looked down at his hands. “Didn’t wanna lose you.”

“But it’s okay if you’re gay, Steve. None of us would care!” Dustin exclaimed. “I just kinda thought you liked girls. Like Nancy.”

“I do. I just also like guys. I love Eddie,” Steve provided, relaxing slightly at Dustin’s words.

“You love him?” Dustin asked.

“You love me?” Eddie asked from the doorway, clutching Dustin’s notebook tight to his chest.

Steve wasn’t used to keeping his crushes and relationships a secret. He was used to holding hands in the movie theater and kissing a girl goodbye at her door. He was used to being able to show how much he loved someone without a filter.

But with Eddie, he’d held back. He had to in some ways, and they agreed it was best not to give anything away around anyone else for a while, but he’d hoped that Eddie saw how much he cared about him when they were alone.

“I do. I thought it was pretty obvious,” Steve stepped closer to Eddie, ignoring Dustin’s presence entirely. “I love you.”

Eddie threw Dustin’s notebook to the side, ignoring the ‘hey!’ that Dustin let out, and pulled Steve into his arms.

“Can’t believe you told Dustin before you told me,” Eddie laughed against his shoulder. “You know he can’t keep a secret.”

“Yeah, well. I love you enough to not care if everyone knows,” Steve said as he wrapped his arms around Eddie’s waist, kissing the side of his head and lingering there for longer than he probably should in front of a guest. “Was gonna tell you tomorrow after our date.”

“You mean the super secret plans that you wouldn’t give me any hints about?” Eddie pulled away, searching Steve’s eyes. “Will you tell me them now?”

“Maybe when Dustin leaves.”

Both of them turned to Dustin, who was staring at them with a blank look.

“Dustin?” Eddie asked, snapping his fingers to get his attention.

“I’m gonna go,” Dustin said, still looking lost. “I won’t tell anyone.”

“Hey, man,” Eddie let go of Steve to walk towards Dustin. “We good?”

“Yeah! I just thought you guys barely even liked each other and you’re actually in love and having sex and I’m just trying to do the math.”

Steve snorted, but straightened out when Eddie glared at him.

“If you wanna talk about anything, you can stay. You seem kinda…out of it.”

“I’d rather not intrude right now,” Dustin said, gesturing to the way their hair and clothing was still a bit disheveled. “But you are gonna tell everyone soon, right? So I don’t have to keep it a secret?”

Eddie looked over at Steve, smiling when he gave him one nod in agreement.

“Yeah, dude. We’re gonna tell everyone at the next movie night,” Eddie said as he turned back to Dustin.

“Thank god!” He breathed out. “Then I’m leaving so you two can do…whatever it is you do.”

He didn’t wait for them to respond, rushing out the door, nearly forgetting his notebook again.

Eddie laughed as he slammed the door, his head falling onto Steve’s shoulder as they fell against the closest wall. Steve was holding Eddie up, laughing with him at the absurdity of being caught by their favorite, but most likely to tell everyone, kid.

“He’s gonna go tell everyone right now, you know that, right?” Steve gasped out between laughter.

“Oh yeah. We’ll be lucky to have another hour before they’re all showing up here with questions,” Eddie said breathlessly.

He pulled back to look at Steve, both of them flush with sudden relief that it was no longer a secret. He leaned in to kiss him once on the corner of his mouth, smiling when he felt Steve’s lips turn up.

“I love you,” Eddie whispered.

“Even though I made you wait to tell everyone?” Steve sounded unsure suddenly, like maybe Eddie would retract everything.

“You didn’t make me do anything, sweetheart. We both agreed to wait.” Eddie cupped his jaw and kissed him slow, much softer than where they’d left off before being interrupted.

No matter how much he enjoyed taking Steve apart, how much he liked seeing him covered in bite marks and bruises, he liked seeing him melt like this more.

“I love you,” Steve said against his lips, already letting Eddie take more of the weight he didn’t have leaning back against the wall. “Want you. Before they get here. Please.”

“How can I resist when you ask so nicely?” Eddie nipped at his bottom lip before pulling away. “Let’s go to your room this time. Don’t want any more interruptions.”

Steve nodded and led Eddie upstairs.

If the kids showed up in an hour, Eddie would make excuses for why Steve was asleep in bed, field their nosy questions, and ease some of the burden of coming out for Steve. If they didn’t, he’d get to keep showing Steve how much he loved him.

Over and over again. Until the whole world knew.

[aidaronan]

"First movie you ever saw in theaters?" Steve lounged opposite of Robin on the couch in his living room, the stereo on low, spitting out Madonna on the local radio station.

"Oh, that's easy." Robin bit off part of a licorice. "Freaky Friday. I remember because I was terrified for weeks that I'd end up switching places with my mom and have to, like, balance a checkbook or something."

Steve laughed, separating m&ms in his hand. "You still don't know how to balance a checkbook, do you?"

"Like you do." Robin playfully glared at him. "Okay, here's a good one. First kiss."

Steve ate the sole blue m&m first, a grin spreading across his face because he usually lied about his first kiss, but he didn't have to. Not with Robin. "Camp Stronghold when I was nine. We met up in the boathouse after lights out to trade contraband."

"Contraband, huh?" Robin raised her brows.

"Candy. I swear my parents loaded me up like I was going to prison. 'This is as good as cash in there, Steven.' I think my dad wanted me to network or something. Because, you know, I was totally gonna start a small business with a group of eight-year-olds."

Robin snickered. "And the kiss?"

"Ah. I didn't actually want candy. I just wanted this kid to like me so bad, and I didn't know why until we were there in the dark tripping into each other because we couldn't see. I had all these butterflies, and we were standing close enough that I could feel the heat off his sunburn in the air." Steve could still picture it. The way he couldn't see more than a few inches in front of his face. "Then he kissed me, just this quick peck on the lips before he turned tail and ran. I left the boathouse with a Snickers and one massive first crush."

"Did anything else happen?" Robin asked.

"No. It was the last week of camp and I think he freaked himself out over it. I don't know. He didn't even really say bye to me after we climbed off the bus to meet our parents. Never saw him again. I honestly never even thought to get his name."

"That sucks."

"Yeah. I just hope he's doing okay, you know? That he's got people in his life that make him feel like he's allowed."

Robin looked at him softly, reaching out to give his ankle a squeeze. "Hey, you never know. You might run into him again someday. Maybe he's your soulmate or something."

"Please. I think you're pretty obviously my soulmate." Steve nudged Robin with his foot. "But I guess he could settle for 2nd place."

"Oh, there's a toast for sure." Snacks tumbling off her lap, Robin reached for her can of Coke on the coffee table and raised it as high as she could reach. "To both of us finding our 2nd places."

"Cheers to that." Steve thrust his own Coke into the air.

____

It felt like a big cosmic joke that Steve would be in a boathouse when he realized who Eddie Munson had been all that time. Eddie had looked so different when he'd transferred into Hawkins that Steve had never even given him a second look, not during their shared classes, not during any of those cafeteria tirades. Not during the numerous occasions where he gave the kids rides to D&D.

"Wait, wait, wait, wait!"

It was the eyes that finally pulled back the curtain and cut away all those in-between years. Steve had never been close enough to clock them, but he couldn't deny them now. Not at such close range, Eddie holding a broken bottle against his neck, trembling with so much fear that Steve worried he might actually use it.

Dropping the oar from his own shaking hands, Steve said the only thing he could think to say.

"Well, this brings back memories."

Eddie didn't respond, the fear in the air drawing out every second, making it feel infinite. Behind them and in another universe, Dustin said a bunch of stuff Steve barely heard for the pounding in his ears. He watched beads of sweat roll down Eddie's forehead and waited for something to give.

Like clouds fat with rain, Eddie finally broke open, tension draining out of him, arm and weapon dropping to his side. He exhaled a shaky breath, maintaining eye contact, his expression too complicated for Steve to fully read.

Steve was about to say something else when Eddie finally spoke, cocking his head to the side and leveling Steve with a look.

"And here I spent all these years thinking you forgot."

[superblysubpar]

dad!steve harrington x mom!you

a How Sweet It Is story

summary: you want another baby

2,886 words

warnings: please see the How Sweet It Is and Easy Like Sunday Morning masterlists for general warnings about these AU's | SMUT (piv unprotected intercourse / steve breeding kink harrington / kitchen sex and all the messy things like licking food off of another person for example) | NSFW 18+

a blurb for the "Trick or Treat, Freak?" event - don't forget to vote for tomorrow at the bottom of the story!

Autumn, 1993:

Steve rubs at his eyes as he turns onto your street, fighting a yawn as his radio rumbles quietly, the song too soothing despite the cold air from the open window trying to keep him awake. He curses at the time blinking back at him on the dash.

Midnight.

His kids will be up in five hours, maybe less.

He groans audibly to himself and knows that you’ll wake up with them first and insist he sleep in, but he’ll hear you singing or laughing or hear the kids ask where Daddy is and he’ll feel guilty and that’ll be that.

He hadn’t meant to stay at the hospital for as long as he had, but Eddie was sort of a mess and Olivia kept thanking him and apologizing and okay, so maybe, he’s a little excited to rub it in everyone’s face that he was the first one to meet Caroline.

It’s weird seeing one of your best friends have a kid. Weird seeing this guy in a Metallica tshirt who was just leaning over a theater seat and telling him his own kid was a little freak not even five hours ago, hold his newborn and cry.

And yeah, whatever, he cried too.

Meeting Caroline was worth the lack of sleep.

The same lack of sleep making his eyes blink and connect the dots too slowly that the house he’s pulling into should be dark. Yet as he rolls to a stop in his driveway, he finds almost every single light of the house is still on. Warm gold shines from his upstairs bedroom, the downstairs living and kitchen windows. As he makes his way up to the front steps, mentally preparing himself for wide awake yet overly tired three and six year olds, he pauses.

Fleetwood Mac?

He’s sure of it, as he steps closer to his front door and hears guitars and drums, hears your voice singing louder, somehow, than the stereo blaring.

It’s the mix he made you, for your birthday, all your favorites, and Steve closes the door gently, looking around in search of you.

The kitchen is empty, well, not empty.

There’s bold and…uniquely…decorated Halloween cookies on parchment paper. A mixing bowl and utensils all covered in chocolate, frosting, caramel, and essentially anything potentially sticky and edible in his house littered across the countertops.

He makes his way to the living room and finds a blanket fort and crayons literally everywhere, ironically, as the song of the same title starts just then. He goes to nudge the stereo lower when your voice singing on the stairs makes him pause.

His chest fucking cracks open at the sight of you. One of your old band shirts hangs loosely from your frame, no pants, a laundry basket on your hip. He leans against the door frame as you do a little spin-dance sort of thing when you reach the laundry room.

He watches you flick off the light and head to the kitchen and he’s a little alarmed you haven’t screamed or said hi until you stick a spoon of chocolate frosting in your mouth and then call out around the treat:

“You gonna come dance with me or just stare all night, Harrington?”

Steve smiles and watches you twirl in the kitchen and make what you think are flirty eyes at him. He tilts his head as one particular shake of your body in a terrible dance move shows off the high cut of black lace on your ass.

You don’t wear those enough.

“I’m good with staring, it’s a nice view.”

He slowly enters the kitchen, knowing it’s a trap, but a willing prey for your hands that grab him as soon he’s close enough. Your fingers clasp together at the back of his neck as you sway, much too slow for the song and he gets the hint, his finding a home on your waist.

“You remember when we slow danced to The Way I Feel at that shitty frat party?”

Steve smiles, his hands bunch up your shirt in his fingers and his forehead rests against yours.

He remembers it well. Really well.

Remembers the girl he’d made out with a few times in high school, how he messed up his shot with her even more times. How he somehow got a seat next to that same girl on the first day of class in an actual college he still couldn’t believe he got into. Remembers asking her to study, to ice cream, to coffee. Kisses at front doors and make out sessions that lead to more. To held hands and introducing him as your boyfriend. Whispered dreams of the future amidst I love you’s. Then, dragging him along to a party.

Can still vividly recall slipping an asshole a twenty. Your smile around the rim of the plastic red cup you stole from him. Your voice singing softly to him, like you two were the only people there as you swayed a lot like you were now.

The way the song ended and your mouth was hovering over his and you asked him if he wanted to get out of there.

How one thing led to another and you were in the backseat of his car with your head thrown back and his mouth was on your neck and nine months later he was a dad.

Speaking of…

His nose traces yours as fingers scratch up your spine, smiling when you shiver. He leans his head down, just enough to brush his lips against yours as he asks, “Where are the kids?”

Your lips part around his in a barely there kiss as you murmur, “Robin and Nance took them. They made you hocus pocus cookies.”

Steve breathes in as you breathe out, fingers pushing at your spine so your lips bump again, speaking so quietly, if he weren’t pressed up against you, you’d be unable to hear him.

“Was wondering ‘bout the gummy worms. Makes sense now.”

Your head tilts back as you gasp into his mouth when his teeth graze your bottom lip. Then you hum, eyelashes fluttering as you say, “Almost every potion requires worms, according to our little witch. Who, by the way, was only encouraged by Robin who brought her a chocolate wand.”

Steve’s mouth breathes against your jaw while you talk, his tongue slips out as he kisses the hinge of it.

“Oh yeah?”

You’re not so much dancing anymore, instead simply arching your body as Steve grips your waist and leaves a warm, trailing breath down your neck. You suppose it’s like a dip of sorts.

A hum slips past your lips as your stomach flips. Maybe this won’t be as hard as you thought.

“Ye-yeah. Said she can’t be a Sanderson though…for Halloween…cause,” you whine a little when Steve’s tongue glides over your skin, his smile following right behind it.

“Cause?”

The song on the stereo changes with perfect timing to Think About Me, and Steve’s mouth presses a kiss to your neck, encouraging you with a squeeze of your hips.

“Cause,” your voice is quiet, but sure, “Cause she only has Grace. And there are three Sanderson’s.”

Steve’s lips slow their kissing as he hears what you’re saying. Hears the song that just so happened to lead to the conception of his second kid.

He pulls away and blinks at you, pink cheeks and eyes like melting honey.

“Are you…” he licks his lips, swallows, and looks down at where your body clings to his. He looks around at the kidless house, listens to the Fleetwood Mac, and then looks back at your hopeful gaze up at him.

His hands cup your cheeks as he asks, softly, “You wanna have another baby?”

“Yeah,” you laugh around some tears trying to slip out, a little more emotional than you thought you’d be. “Yeah, I really do. I think they’d be good ages apart and they’ll be so close to Caroline and Robin and Nancy are gonna get Zoe in a couple of months and-“

Steve’s kissing you, mouth passionate and hot against yours as he moans into your lips. He backs you up into the counter as you grip at his shirt collar, neither of you really caring or paying much attention to where things are landing.

Your fingers scratch down his now bare back as he lifts you, wedging himself between your spread legs. His lips are frantic in their kissing as he tugs on your thighs, your ass, until you’re flush against him, grinding down in search of friction.

Your body floods with warmth as he unzips his jeans, as he pulls and tugs at your shirt with his other hand, too impatient to wait until he has both free and refusing to admit if he stopped kissing you, it’d be a whole lot easier.

Steve groans at the sight of your bare chest and your legs tighten around his hips now free of the denim. He leans over you on the counter, kissing the corner of your mouth before he whispers, “Hold still.”

“What, why, ohmygod-“

Steve drizzles caramel over your neck, your chest, your stomach, before flinging the spoon somewhere.

His mouth follows the drizzles, carefully licking up each drop as his hands squeeze at your hips, your thighs. His tongue glides across the curve of your breasts before it dips between the two and down your stomach where he gives you a kiss.

It’s all painstakingly slow compared to the speed you were just going, adamant for you to feel every pass of his tongue, every brush of his lips as he enjoys his treat.

Your body squirms underneath him, skin warm and only growing warmer as he pulls at your underwear roughly, leaving you completely naked on your kitchen countertop.

“Steve, we-“

Propped up on your elbows, you swallow your words when he removes his boxers and steps between your legs again. One hand rests on the counter next to your head, the other grips his length and tugs, once, twice, keeping eye contact with you while he lines himself up with your entrance.

“We,” he breathes heavily, stopping to kiss you once, before he keeps going, “Are gonna make another perfect, amazing, incredible kid.”

He pushes into you, capturing your gasp from the fullness of him inside of you. He pants into you, pushing deeper as he holds your stare, mouth never lifting from yours as he groans, “You’re gonna…” he sucks in a breath unable to to finish the thought when your hips roll and you whine for him to move.

“Please, Steve,” you beg into his mouth and he can’t hold off anymore, not that he really was before.

He pulls out and thrusts forcefully, hand gripping your hip and the edge of the counter as he slams into you again, and again, and again.

Your back arches off of the countertop, his name a gasp as you meet each of his thrusts and babble into his mouth.

“More, Steve, fill me up baby, please I-“

He swallows your words, grinds against you each time he pushes as far in as he can while his hand pulls your thigh up against his hip in a bruising grip.

It’s fast and not like you two at all anymore. Sex is usually some pillow talk and soft sleepy smiles and missionary and hand holding and so so so not Steve stopping his kissing and pouring more caramel over your face and chest in the middle of sex.

So not you two being loud, yelling names and making who knows what kind of noises as he smears and licks up the mess he just made and teeth nip at your skin and soothe it all away with kisses as he pounds into you like he used to. Not you when your hands grip at his shoulders and beg him to go faster, harder.

Steve’s gasping into your neck, thrusts coming closer together and your stomach tightens, warmth threatening to burst inside of you but you don’t want it to end.

Your fingers slip on the countertop, cookies fall to the ground, his name is yelled and it sounds an awful lot like don’t stop, never stop.

Steve searches for your hand and tangles his fingers with yours while the other finds your lower back and makes you arch up into him further. Your hips grind against his as his mouth pants along your throat, your jaw, before it locks against yours in a kiss.

It’s all a little filthy and wild, the way you let go of his hand and both of yours grip the back of his head and pull when his thrusts just keep going. The way you beg into his mouth like you’re sobbing, “Baby, please, please, ohmygod-“ and Steve grips your hips and pumps harder, deeper, practically growling out a “Yeah?”

Your thighs shake, you pulse around him, your heartbeat is in your ears as he hits that spot that makes you see stars over and over and over again until your mouth falls open and you don’t know what comes over you because you’re practically shouting, “Yesyesyesyes,” until it turns into a silent gasp as your orgasm takes over. It’s like the breath is stolen from your lungs, vision lost, as he spills inside of you with a deep, tortured - like he really didn’t want it to be over either - moan.

The pair of you breathe heavily, clinging to each other still, then you both start laughing, tired and euphoric. Foreheads stuck together as your hands move over each other’s bodies restlessly as your lungs fight for air around the laughter, until it all slows down and stops again.

Eventually, Steve clears his throat as his thumbs rub soothing circles on your hips.

“Sorry, don’t know…that was um…”

Your head finds it’s favorite place in his neck, curled up under his jaw, lips finding the pair of freckles you love so much in a kiss. There’s no energy left for anything other than a hum of agreement.

His hands roam higher, soft and soothing up your spine and back down until you yawn against his neck and a low chuckle rumbles in his chest beneath where your fingers draw against his skin absently.

Steve pulls away and his lips twitch at the sound of your protesting whine, at the way your hands cling to around the back of his neck once more. But he’s just adjusting so he can find your lips, granting you a gentle and sweet kiss. The tip of his nose brushes yours as his breath fans out across your bottom lip when they part for him. His mouth moves over yours sweetly, lazily, as his hands pull you closer to him. Your stomach flutters alive, only stirring up the just satisfied feelings when his tongue meets yours. Steve kicks up inside of you when your hips shift, searching for friction again, causing your laugh to break the kiss.

He swallows the sound, his hand roams higher until it’s cupping the back of your neck, thumb brushing behind your ear as he regretfully pulls away from your lips, but only just so. Steve murmurs against them, eyes watching your eyelashes flutter at the sound of his voice.

“Can I interest you in a bubble bath to clean up, Mrs. Harrington?”

His teeth scrape against your bottom lip, a kiss to your top one, his mouth moving over yours too fleeting as your entire body shakes with a shiver, practically drooling over his question and teasing touches with a moan worthy of a bite of chocolate.

Your hands curl into the hair at the nape of his neck, lifting your hips ever so slightly to cling onto his body a little harder, a little longer. The nod of your head knocks your lips with his again, and he rewards you with a deeper and lingering kiss. His arms wrap around your back as he pulls you closer still, neither of you ready to separate any time soon.

“You better tell them you ate every single one of those horrible cookies.”

He laughs into your mouth, nodding his head as you kiss him more.

Both of you are content to take your time getting upstairs, to let your kisses linger and melt like honey. Make sure each moment is remembered, so it’s all easily recalled from the sound of a song and the way you kiss him. Each pass of your lips over each other’s, each brush of a tongue or scrape of teeth or inhale of much needed air makes sure you’re not missing any of it as you clean each other up when you finally do get there.

Steve’s got your back to his chest as he hums into your temple the last song on the tape in between whispers of if it’ll be a boy or girl, names, personality, and all of the things you’ve come to love about your other two.

His hands roam over your body, warm water and sweet smelling suds cascading over you as he kisses your neck and shakes his head no when you ask if he’s tired.

And even if he were, the lack of sleep would be worth it.

[m1ssunderstanding]

Let it Be Close-watch

Paul, sweety, it's beautiful, but it's killing the vibe.

Ringo looks like a very old, very tired lab rat whose been put through the maze a few too many times

Somehow the air-brown mostly eaten apple is very appropriate.

She looks far too sweet here to ever let John down. Yoko has very kind eyes.

I love how it makes it seem like Paul and John are calling Maxwell “the corny one” but really we know from Get Back that they're talking about a particular arrangement they were trying out for Don't Let me Down.

I swear he's saying “John” there, not “Joan” and also he said “came down upon His head” so… Oh! And Max died in the end in this version? “Sure that Max was dead” Okay. So Paul kills John and then himself. Murder suicide story. Yeah, Paul, you're doing great mentally, we can all tell.

I love how George getting electrocuted was important enough to make the cut for both films. Poor baby. “If this boy dies you're gonna cop it” from the guy who was just singing about a serial killer.

They're so silly

Yoko does not agree with me

Paul: stealing your man, sweetheart. John: oh no I'm being stolen teehee!

They're so silly

Oh wait, were those bitchy looks at George??? Because there he is. Idk could easily be him or Yoko.

this poor autistic baby trying to use words (not his language) to explain music (his language)

“Good MoOornin! Wooah!” I think I just … You know how Mike said people were booing Paul in the theater watching this? Yeah it's because they were pissed he didn't step out of the screen and onto their necks.

Oh Michael put himself in his own movie too? Huh, cool.

They are always in my heart

The way Paul says “get on the mic” to John??? I would've thrown something, that was so fucking bossy! Just his tone and his face and his angry pointing fingers. So mean. And John just goes “okaaay”. Oof.

Ringo covering his eyes like a little kid watching a scary movie during the orange sweater fight. Same, babe.

Sounds like the original lyric John's going for is something long “All I want is you. Nothing else is gonna do.” But that obviously didn't fit with the tune. I wonder if there was a particular conversation with Paul being controlling that made the “everything has got to be the way you want it to” line click in.

Oh my gosh! So George is showing I Me Mine to Ringo and Paul and he says the “I don't give a fuck it can go in musical” line before he even plays it. Not after John's making fun of him like he does in Get Back. Nagra reels experts: which one is correct??

George: it's a heavy waltz. Ringo:*claps hands angrily and punches the air to a ¾ beat. I love him, he's like the core of “Beatle humor” to me.

Woah there! Okay this is the John/Yoko pda Peter Jackson cut, I see. I wonder if there's a lot more footage of them swapping spit that might make the “oh John was just so in love” theory more reasonable.

It's extremely impressive that George just wrote this whole thing last night. You know? John and Paul have brought in all fragments from what I can tell. He's the only one to come in with a basically finished product.

LMAO and we're just going to Apple now. No reason. Nothing happened. Nothing to see. Moving on.

Ringo is so so cute pretending to hide from the cameras. Really he should've been the cute one.

Is it just me or does Paul drop the sillies and get sad when he sings “always be mine” at John? It's his regular voice, too, for a minute, if I'm not mistaken.

Silly cuties. But John's grin and little sexy tongue action happens the second time Paul sings always be mine, so…

What friendly artistic collaboration looks like when it's not psychosexual

Paul: have you played the dubs? George: yeah. Terrible. Paul: Great! Ringo: terrible. John: laughs Paul: (sarcastic) oh, so dreadful. …. John: where's my guitar? Paul: (still sarcastic) well we're just the greatest band ever. Idk I just like this dialogue. It's very them, you know?

This is adorable.

But I also love how they're already communicating with eyebrows, you know? They just bonded so fast and I find that beautiful.

And then Heather ups their game from taking turns going “chchchchch” into the mic to meowing into the mic. She looks at Paul like “okay your turn” and he sets her down lol he's thinking ‘if I meow into the mic right now after John already had a sex dream last night about me, he might actually cream his pants and we can't have that on camera’

Lol Billy just magically appeared!

Paul you're literally so annoying. You started the goofing off and now you're like “alright lads, that's enough.” Mkay.

He is unbelievably sexy and talented though so you know he does have those little things going for him. Someone write me a Paul/Billy fic please!!

Kinda crazy how they all four just slide straight from “Kansas City” to “Miss Ann” to “Lawdy Miss Claudy”. Makes me think of something they might've done in Hamburg.

I'm sorry but Paul finishes “please don't excite me baby. I'm down in misery.” And John's immediate answer is, “well you can get it if you want it, and if you want it you can get it!” And Paul ends up singing “I want it I want it I want it I want it”. Nice. Very subtle, boys. And that's before John gets kinky.

I love how Heather just forces a hug from George and then immediately runs away. What a cutie.

But really. How did anyone watching this get the idea that John hated Paul? Just confirmation bias I guess?

All the cut off conversations kill me but especially the one where John's working though Paul's anxieties. They're just in the middle of it and then cut. “two of us Sunday driving…”

Someone should do a study of whistling in their songs. I feel like it's another one of their tip offs that “hey this one is about us” Anyway I love John's whistling here. He's so good at it. I can just imagine him as some farm boy picking apples, you know?

Imagine booing this poor stay puppy though, like. What? I mean, what if Johann Weiner was wrong and John wasn't crying at the sight of him and Paul playing triumphant together on the rooftop, but at Paul playing his little heart out about their doomed love. Idk it's probably both. Let's be real, John was bawling through the whole thing.

What is George laughing at? Picture quality is garbage because evil corporations don't let you take screenshots of their content, but he looks like that one kid in your elementary school class that just dumped Cheetos all over his crushes desk and thinks he's a criminal mastermind.

Also I do appreciate all the attention given in the chosen shots to the musicianship. I bet they liked that at least if they had the heart to like anything about the movie at the time.

I'm sorry but I love how in sync Mo and Paul are. With this ducking and later the shimmying. I know it's wrong to ship Ringo’s wife with one of the Beatles she didn't sleep with, but… idk I really want her to have bedded all four at one point, you know? She deserves it, being an og.

Okay but yeah I'd be having a public meltdown if I fumbled that too holy fucking shit

Ringo feeling himself as he should

George just looks like he smells nice. Unlike the others. You know?

John has such a beautiful smile. If somebody looked at me like that I'd put him up on a giant screen behind me on my world tour after he'd been dead for forty years too.

That pleeeaaaheeeaaase though. Looking at Paul. How did he survive I'll never know.

The cut from screaming Paul to grouchy nap lady is extremely painful.

John was so cool in this concert. Like the epitome of cool.

Kevin, my love, thank you for your service

I love Yoko leaning so far and craning her neck. She's like a mom at a school talent show. Like “I only came to see my baby.” Type vibe. Which is exactly what she's doing, unlike Mo, and honestly I find both of them extremely valid

You know in movies where the romantic leads are never looking at each other at the same time?

I think I watched George and John switching back on their amps like fifty times because I just love it so much. And from this angle, you can see John's saying something to Paul about it. He looks serious and he's shaking his head. I wonder what he's saying.

Mal Evans I love you forever for this. Look at his hand on the rail, just blocking them off completely, so protective.

Them turning to each other at the end always gets me. It's automatic, like second nature, and it's the last time ever. They deserved better.

Oh Darling duet in the credits are you fucking kidding me??? Was that in the original? “Believe me, when I tell you.” “Oh I do.” That's the second time that they gave away in this footage that they know they're talking to each other in their music.

Alright, that's it, I guess. And then MLH is haunted by this experience for forty years until he makes Two of Us to purge the demons.

[brain-r0tten]

okay so I was sick and dying for the past few days but now that I'm feeling better drawing doesn't feel like a chore anymore woohoo

I have 2 more arts almost ready (art trade and meet the artist) as well so stay tuned for that!

as for the comic- (ramble about my SPTO sona below)

I tried to think more about Nate and at first I wanted em to be Scott's classmate cuz I love their gang as well buuuut I think it'd be weird to fall for someone who punched your friend to death lmao (maybe gonna do like an alternate timeline where they're in a relationship with Scollace and not PatelGraves and go along with my original idea)

So in this AU Nate is Roxie's classmate! I love her as well. They have a queerplatonic relationship and are really close, so Roxie told him about the league in passing conversation, Nate was curious and had nothing to do so he convinced her to visit Rockit when Matthew Patel was gonna fight Scott. Roxie briefly told him about Mattie and Nate got interested bc- theater kid? pirate?? emo???

He doesn't have many friends aside Roxie and he wanted to come out of his shell so this was a perfect occasion to do so. Surface level he's pretty confident and (maybe??) charming but his anxiety still lingers, especially when he's around people he puts on the pedestal (don't do that chat it's a major character flaw) and a pirate emo theater kid sounds like the perfect candidate for that.

The pages start right after he defeated Scott (the scene where he's yelling "WHAT'S GOING ON??") but I also planned to do one page before that where you'd see Nate and Roxie's conversation. Buuuut those 2 already took enough time so imagine it's an awesome cool page by just looking at the dialogue aight??

They'd sit somewhere in the corner to see the whole thing, after it was over and everyone went their way, Roxie would push Nate towards Mattie where the finished page starts

(Nate is red, Roxie is violet)

Also Nate/Matthew ain't really infatuated with the other one yet, they're just very excited for someone to talk to (they're both losers at this point)

[jiraisupportgroup]

is it okay to be jirai kei if you can't afford the clothes and your parents won't buy them for you does that make you a fake jirai?

♡ short answer ♡

Jirai kei isn’t about the clothes themselves; it’s a community based in accepting & de-stigmatizing mental illness / mental health struggles.

♡ absolutely unreasonably long answer ♡

(Disclaimer: I am not Japanese nor do I speak Japanese. All of this is what I’ve gathered from other people on the internet in my own research when I was first looking into jirai-kei. I could very well be wrong or just talking out of my ass here - I would take my word with a grain of salt.)

Jirai Kei was loosely formed in 2019-2020. It is primarily based out of Kabukicho which is generally considered the red light district Japan, although the Japanese government is trying to change this.

Kabukicho used to be mostly known for soaplands & host clubs & bars & concept cafes - generally more adult or night-life activities. It still is home to these kinds of places, but before the Olympic Games held in 2021, the Japanese government wanted to clean it up and make the area more presentable to foreigners. Starting around 2017-2018 (from what I can tell) they started adding things like movie theaters, bowling alleys, just overall more general-audience attractions to the area to try and make it more consumable. This did start changing the image of the area; it was now seen more as a cool place to hang out - especially for those who were old enough to participate in the host clubs etc. The downside of this is that although it was seen as a cooler area to hang out & it’s image was more positive - there were still plenty of adult or night-life centered things there & many “catch-guys”. Not that this is necessarily a bad thing, but it did kind of make a perfect storm.

Since Kabukicho was starting to be seen more as a cool hang-out spot, a lot more younger teenagers started wanting to go there. And especially once the pandemic hit and most places were closed down (while many establishments in Kabukicho chose to stay open) the sentiment of “I hate where I am right now, my life here sucks, I want to go to Kabukicho where things seem like fun” got even stronger.

This led to an influx of runaway teenagers going to Kabukicho. Additionally, a lot of runaways in Kabukicho were very fed up with their living situations (hence, why they chose to run away in the first place) and mental health during the pandemic was not great anyway since there was a pandemic going on obviously that’s going to negatively affect people’s mental health. Even further: in 2022, Japan lowered the age of adulthood from 20 to 18, so even more & younger people could participate in the nightlife scene. Again, not necessarily a bad thing; however, it meant a lot of the runaways going to Kabukicho with little money, poor mental health, and generally not knowing what they want to do with their lives were now surrounded by catch guys & night-life workers. Night-life workers make a lot of money. A lot of these kids needed money to support themselves, especially if they didn’t want to go back to their hometowns.

Now, am I saying all adult work is bad or all jirai’s were adult workers - no absolutely not. However, this environment is what kind of started the ball rolling.

Alright so we have set the scene now wtf is jirai kei.

Jirai kei stems directly from the derogatory term “jirai onna” literal translation “landmine woman”. This is a term pretty much used to say “that woman is going to pop off” (like a landmine) & was leveled towards any woman with mood swings, intense emotions, poor coping mechanisms, etc. Keeping in mind that Japan does not have a great medical or social infrastructure for dealing with mental health - and that many people’s mental health was greatly impacted by the pandemic - it is not surprising that a lot of people were in this position. In western circles I’ve seen people tie this really heavily to BPD specifically - but the term isn’t specific to bpd - it’s really anyone who has an emotional outburst, or that the people using the term derogatorily think would have one.

So a lot of people decided to reclaim this term & spin it to be their own thing. Kind of saying “yeah, so what? I am a landmine. My mental struggles are real. They are my reality. And if you don’t like that or think that’s ‘wrong’ fuck you. I’m not going to sugarcoat myself for your comfort”. Additionally the idea was also used as push-back for the societal views around mental illness. They’re pretty much signaling “being mentally ill or facing mental struggles does not mean we are bad people, it does not mean we don’t deserve love, and we should not have to hide our mental struggles or go through these things on our own”.

So if it’s a subculture based around accepting and fighting for mental health, where does the fashion come in?

Most of the fashion you’ll see in jirai kei tags are girly kei, dark girly, ryousangata (loose translation: mass production), or extensions of larme kei (another Japanese fashion which is really similar to girly kei but slightly different). Why is that?

These fashions are generally mass produced & easily available in Japan. Think about Liz Lisa and MA*RS for example. These are BIG brands. They’re not niche or hard to find. Additionally, the style is very popular. Ryousangata is considered SO mass produced that “everyone looks the same” (it’s actually quite popular amongst fans of boy groups). It’s not like a strange or niche or overly special style in Japan.

Especially not in Kabukicho, a lot of people working at concept cafes & the like would wear these types of styles because they’re easy to get, easy to style, and super overly adorable. The fashion also works GREAT for runaways in Kabukicho. They’re capsule wardrobes you can make like 10 outfits with 5 pieces of clothing so it works really well if you’re living out of a suitcase. Also it’s a pretty inexpensive, easy to obtain & super cute so it’s very appealing to these teenagers.

From what I can tell these fashions were most popular in Kabukicho and spread out from there, which is why you’ll see a lot of people say that if you’re dressing in these styles people will assume you work at a con cafe or other night-life-adjacent work, but the style has gotten much more popular over 2023-2024 so this doesn’t seem to necessarily be the case anymore.

However, since these styles were associated (albeit not exclusively) with Kabukicho & con cafés, etc, and because a lot of people in this area were drained from types of jobs or runaways & living in a culture where they’re told they should not talk about or show their negative emotions - the term “jirai onna” would be used against many people in these fashions.

Now, again, this term was not exclusively used for everyone dressed in this style, and not everyone dressed in these styles was considered that, but the link is definitely there. Jirai Kei is not completely removed from dark girly or ryousangata, but it is definitely more nuanced than “jirai kei is dark girly+”, that’s just not the case. Especially now that jirai subcul is much more popular - and a lot of the fashions you’ll see in jirai subcultures are barely girly kei / dark girly / ryousangata, if at all. I’ve seen jirai subcul people wearing just t-shirts and shorts.

However; especially in western societies, a lot of people falsely associate jirai kei with dark girly WAY too heavily. My best guess is because we don’t see ryousangata regularly. A lot of people have only seen the style in a “jirai kei” context. They are related to each other, jirai kei does have links to dark girly, but the fashion style itself is not necessarily “jirai kei”. It’s a common style in Japan - it’s not a common style in other parts of the world - so people mashed the two together in one concept because they don’t know otherwise.

This is where a LOT of discourse in the Jirai Kei community stems from - I’m not going to go too deep into it because everyone gets extremely mad about it & im not trying to open that can of worms and spill it all over the table.

I’m sure you’ve seen posts mentioning “fashion landmines” and “lifestyle landmines”. “Fashion landmines” being people who just like dark girly or ryousangata and mistakenly identify the fashion itself as “jirai kei”, and “lifestyle landmines” being people who hold to the values of accepting and raising awareness of mental illness / struggles that was the movement which started the reclamation of the term “jirai onna” to begin with.

Tldr they don’t like each other and people get really mean about it.

All of this being said: Essentially, yes. Dark girly and ryousangata and girly kei are related to Jirai Kei, but no, you do not have to have the clothes to be a part of the community. The clothes are secondary (and honestly optional) to the community’s values.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk lmao

[cursedkeyboard]

Babies shouldn't grow up ☆ Jason Todd & GN!Reader (PT.2)

What does Jason do after stealing a kid from Gotham's slums? Feed and give the little brat a home, of course. [PART ONE ♤ PART TWO ♤ PART THREE ♤ PART FOUR ♤ PART FIVE ♤ PART SIX]

pairings: Platonic Jason Todd & Child GN!Reader

To be completely honest, when Jason reached his apartment, he was panicking a little

The drive had been enough to clear his mind and he realized how impulsive he'd been

He is a damn vigilante, one with a hell of a reputation, and who's always messing with the baddest assholes of this city

Fuck, he's got guns and explosives in his house

But even with all the panic and rationality, Jason wasn't going to abandon you somewhere else

Orphanages were great places for villains to hit, the foster system might as well have been created by the joker, and no way in hell was he going to drop you at Bruce's

Anything but that

So he sucked it up and focused on your small voice full of wonder as you two drove through the city

"I didn't know there was so many tall buildings in Gotham!"

"That church is huge!"

"Holy shit is that a theater?! I only saw them in movies!"

At a certain point he was close to biting his fists in pure cuteness aggression

He knew exactly what you were feeling, could even picture your eyes glittering full of wonder behind the helmet

It didn't help his heart that your helmet also had comms, which were connected to his, so every single one of your little comments meant for yourself only were accidentally shared

Your Gotham accent was so thick too, born and raised in an area were the elite never tried to "cleanse"

Fuking adorable

Oh, also, he'd need to teach you not to follow strangers even if they were famous vigilantes

Because he realized how fucking dangerous it was that you just up and agreed to be taken by a random masked man

Sure, he knew he also did the same with Bruce, but hey, look at where that got him

When Jason finally brought you up to his apartment, still carrying you, he knew he'd have to immediately go out to buy some things

His fridge wasn't stocked with what kids need

Like... apple juice and cereal

Or any kind of vegetables

And, he definitely needed some kid safety stuff, even if he knew you wouldn't try opening the dangerous cabinets

... probably

Opening his door, he took you to the bathroom

Look, as cute as you were, you were also as filthy as a drenched sewer rat

He told you as much when he set you down

Your glare was worth the slap on the arm (it didn't even hurt)

"Can I assume you know how to take a shower?"

"I'm nine, not three, Red Hood."

"Not my fault you look like you're five."

He chuckled as you huffed and puffed

"Jason Todd."

"What?"

"My name is Jason Todd. Can't have you calling me Red Hood if you're gonna live with me, right?"

You gaped, big eyes going wide

He told you his name! And showed you his face! Why did this man trust you so much?

It... it made you real warm inside

You were quiet for a moment before quietly telling you your name, shyly, like you hadn't done that in a long time

"Hm, I think I prefer 'squirt', tho."

Okay, warm moment over, the guy is insufferable

Hissing and pushing him out of the bathroom with all of your strength, you hesitantly took your first real shower since... since you don't even know when

The water was black

You realized your skin could feel soft instead of oily

And your nails finally didn't look like you dug through dirt

Meanwhile, Jason was running around the apartment like a crazed man

Shoving his guns inside high drawers you wouldn't be able to reach

Trashing the cigs he had bought out of curiosity

And making sure any items for... his intimate partners were completely hidden away

He'd found those in Bruce's room one time as a kid and, needless to say, Jason still felt traumatized to this day

After making his apartment slightly less deadly and ordering food, Jason knocked on the door to let you know he'd left a change of clothes for you in front of the bathroom

Damian's clothes the brat left behind once he had stayed over when he was rebelling

they'd be a little too big for you but nothing like what his would look like

Once you came out, looking fresh and clean, Jason immediately carried you to the couch

Biting his tongue because the demon brat's clothes were actually so big on you he could cry

He ignored your complaints again, he knew your little feet were all scratched and they must have hurt like a bitch

Once you finally settled and didn't try to scratch his eyeballs out, Jason started to patch you up

Such careful, gentle touches for rough hands like his

He handled your injuries like you were made of glass

And despite your childish pride... you kind of loved it

It made you feel all tingly and cozy inside, like you were precious

Like you were deserving of kindness

As you started fidgeting with all the bubbling emotions inside of you, Jason tried to calm you down by talking

He learned your mother died from a drive-by shooting and your father was an alcoholic with a taste for physical abuse

"It only got bad bad a year or so ago, I think he blamed me for us being poor."

"And you know that's bull, right?"

You shrugged as he finished treating your injuries and started to dry your damp hair, a little awkwardly but attentive

"He left a month ago–or died, I don't know–so it doesn't matter either way."

Well, that was a healthy mindset for a child!

He had to breathe through his mouth to not get up and go put three little bullets in your piece of shit father's head

or his body, if the bastard was already dead

Jason definitely had a lot of work to do, but for now, ding-dong, he was going to focus on feeding you

And, no, he was never going to delete the photo he took of your face when he opened the huge takeout orders

Nor would he forget the way you cried silently as you ate

That was your first real meal in months

Your first real meal, washed and clothed, in a safe apartment that didn't smell of roaches nor booze, with an adult who looked at you fondly

Jason promised, to himself and God, that he'd make sure you'd never cry over something like food ever again

When you giggled at a joke he made and didn't flinch when he gently wiped a bit of sauce from your cheek, he knew he had made the correct decision

He'd keep you safe

To be continued...

[drdemonprince]

this will sound like one of those "let men be masculine" level niche internet community brained posts, but i honestly really was embarrassed of how much i like drag for a while. in the circles that i run in, liking drag too much is seen as pretty cringey and for wealthy cis gays. like everybody knows a few cool avante garde local performers that they fuck with who run queer dance parties that are inclusive and the like, but very few people that i know will just go to a drag show at an entertainment or social engagement for their own sake. it's almost seen as a tourist thing, a normie gay thing.

but its one of the few spaces where i can actually recognize a lot of feminine men and nonbinary man-thing-girly-freaks like of the particular type that i am. leather bars are so masc and buff and im often invisible. bear bars are really nice and i do feel welcome there! but people are only feminine in their mannerisms, not presentation very often. the more explicitly gender inclusive trans/queer spaces cater to more of a wlw and adjacent crowd whose relationships to masculinity and femininity are different from mine. circuit gay bars are obviously terrible.

drag is nice. there's guys with weird little haircuts and long earrings who aren't buff and are swishy and dress interestingly but are a little uncomfortable as their regular selves and have to don alternate personas in order to be outgoing. and i even like that it's okay to be bitchy and insulting sometimes in drag world, like sometimes that is just your genuine feedback on the work someone has done and it's not the end of the world. there's lot of open conflict in the drag world that actually works out pretty alright.

it's a local nightlife scene like all the rest, its got its theater kid bullshit and egos and superficiality out the ass and so many people are trying to be famous or make money, but even to this day i forget that i can just be a really weird feminine guy until i'm around some of them and watching them prance about. i worry about how i look or am being read and then even just watching a fucking drag race episode i'll see like 9 different guys who are so fucking androgynous with their weird assymetrical self cut haircuts that they pass less than i do and they're cis men. they have bodies or faces like i do. and in the local scene it's obviously even better because you're looking at real life people. maybe i should be over it by now but im not, i need to see weird little awkward feminine guys with funny outfits playing dress up and crying and fighting with one another because they never got over their last picked in gym class baggage. its meeee i relateee. i even like that its a little toxic! we've got some issues out here, let's joke with them and make a character of them instead of pretending to be nice!!

i tend to be pretty skeptical of "representation matters!" type shit but part of that is probably because i never really feel represented. i know, boo hoo, thin white man doesnt feel depicted on screen, sounds very silly. but then i see kade gottmik on drag race and i swell with emotion and suddenly feel like who i am is POSSIBLE in this world and i realize that even with all my privileges i am starved for representation and that it does benefit you to have it. theres trans guys on screen but thats not close enough to ping that ooh!!! ahh!!! i can love myself!! radar for me. it has to be a very particular kinda person. matt bernstein makes me feel similarly

[lvrcpid]

wind flower - avatar cast!

includes: gn!reader. fluff FLUFF FLUFF. use of y/n. this was on the forefront of my mind so it’s kinda half assed LMAO. the interview isn’t really in depth.

imagine being apart of the avatar cast and doing an interview with them!

background info!

you were a famous childhood actor. you’ve been obsessed with the idea of being on the big screen since you were 7. luckily enough your parents let you go through with it and you were a big hit! landing shows like greys anatomy, my babysitters a vampire and movies like adventures in babysitting and diary of a whimpy kid.

with age comes venturing out of certain genres. when you turned 18 you ventured into more mature shows and movies. you stared in shows like euphoria, grown-ish, bridgerton and now at 21, your first movie, avatar : the way of water.

when you got the call back for your audition you were bouncing practically through the roof. you loved avatar as a kid and wanted to become an avatar yourself. this was like a dream come true for you.

when you met the cast you were over the moon, they were all so sweet and welcoming. the energy while filming was one you could get used to, especially considering you had 3 more movies to film in the avatar universe.

when you guys wrapped up filming you were really sad but looked forward to the interviews you all could do together! your manager called you and told you that you all were to do an interview with buzzfeed. it wouldn’t be your first rodeo with them.

enough chitchat, let’s get into the interview!

“hi buzzfeed! we’re the cast of avatar: the way of water and we’re here today to answer some questions while playing with puppies!!” you spoke looking to the camera with a smile as you watched the puppies run over everyone’s legs.

(yes i did that buzzfeed interview type cause it’s SO CUTE)

after playing with the puppies for a second it was time for everyone to introduce themselves. you were last and gave a small smile as you waved to the camera “hi im (y/n)(l/n) and i play (c/n)” you said as you picked up a puppy and held it in your arms.

a few questions later and it got to you. you grabbed the piece of paper and read it out loud “who is your character and how would you describe them.” you looked over to bailey who busted out laughing as you did the same. “bailey is such a hater! that’s why i hope the dog pees on you!” you laughed and turned to the camera. “ well i play (c/n), he/she’s jake and neytiri’s oldest son/daughter about 2 years older than neteyam” you pointed to jamie “and how i would describe him/her-“ “sassy!” jack spoke up. “a raging ball of fire” trinity chimed in “i feel so attacked and im mad they’re right!” everyone busted out laughing.

after a few more answers the interview was coming to a close and the director at buzzfeed wanted everyone to give their opinion on the movie and what to look forward to.

“for me” you started “i would say the movie is really about family that’s the biggest component. it touches on a lot of familiar undertones that you really don’t see in a lot of movies like we get to see jake sully as a dad you know” you shifted in your seat before speaking again. “it’s a really good movie that james cameron worked really hard on as well as the cast and everyone behind the scenes and im really excited for everyone to watch it” you smiled as you grabbed another puppy.

“you guys want me to do it- okay fine- thank you to buzz feed! and thank you to these little adorable puppies who are available for adoption if you want a furry companion to watch the movie with. thank you guys again and make sure to go watch avatar: the way of water out in theaters now!! bye!!!” you snuggled the dog before smiling again. the interview coming to a close.

“just so you know. the dog did pee on me.” bailey pulled you to the side and you fell out DYING LAUGHING.

a.n // staring at my inbox while writing this. I PROMISE IM WRITING THEM GUYS im just proof reading a few rn and scheduling them to post okay bye love you mwah

[familyvideostevie]

october thirty-first

day thirty-one: steve harrington last halloween didn’t end that well for you and steve. but this year? much better. | a no good at waiting one-shot, fluff, smut, mdni, 18+ | 2.4k detailed content warnings: fem!reader, smut, p in v sex, unprotected sex, creampie, thigh riding, riding, dirty talk, some aftercare-ish

“We're doing it this year, Steve.”

Your boyfriend looks unamused from behind his aviators. The sun set hours ago but he won't take them off because it “compromises his costume.”

“Jesus,” he mutters. “For real? You actually want to?” You both know Steve isn't great at saying no to you, even when it comes to going on the haunted hay ride at this year's Sara's Farm Halloween Festival. Steve only had to work the first few hours and make sure no one sustained bodily injury during the pumpkin carving contest, so now you're walking around, taking in all the fun.

You're pressed close to him — it's cold, no surprise for Indiana — and wish you had another layer on. Steve convinced you to dress in vaguely Top Gun themed clothes to honor the movie he's been obsessed with since you saw it in theaters. He's in a patched aviator jacket, jeans that hug his ass sinfully, and the stupid glasses. You've tried to look like Tom Cruise's savvy analyst girlfriend by putting on a leather jacket and red lipstick.

“We're grown ups,” you say, bumping his shoulder with yours as you approach the line for the hay ride. “We can handle it.” Robin and Eddie are working the route again and this year you're pretty sure some of the high school kids are, too. They all begged you to get Steve on it and what's love if not taking a chance every now and then to pull a fast one on your partner?

“Speak for yourself,” he mutters but allows you to tug him on to the wagon. He places his hand on your thigh automatically and does his best to look unamused but flinches when the whole thing surges forward and into the dark rows of apple trees. “I can't believe I'm doing this.”

Neither of you handle it well, truth be told. There are only a few other people on the bales in the wagon bed and you and Steve for sure scream the loudest. Your friends catch on to your presence quickly and clearly make it worse for you both, jumping out of the trees and reaching as if you pull you both to the ground. But it's fun. It's fun in the way most things that give you an adrenaline rush are — you scream and laugh in the same breath, pressing closer and closer to Steve until you're practically in his lap as the wagon rounds the final corner.

That's when you feel him hard through his pants.

“Really?” you ask. “Keep your hands to yourself, Harrington.” He scowls and tightens his grip on your hips so you don't fall when the wagon jostles side to side.

“I can't help it, honey.” You wriggle a little more and his fingertips press harder into your skin. “Stay still.”

You do not stay still. It's just too much fun to mess with him like this — something you do often in your new house. Teasing him from room to room and reveling in the thrill that he wants you. Steve always wants you.

The feeling is mutual.

When the ride finally ends you mean to tell Steve that Eddie and Robin are going to meet you so you can all hang out, but you don't get the chance. Your feet barely touch the ground after stepping off the wagon when he grabs your hand and drags you through the crowds.

“Steve,” you say incredulously. “Steve, what are you doing?” You try to keep up with his long strides so he'll hear you.

He doesn't stop until you slip around the apple bobbing and against the wall of the farm store. He crowds you against the wall, suddenly in your space, face close enough that you can count his eyelashes. His pupils are blown and his cheeks are even more flushed than they were on the hay ride.

“If you think I'm going to stand around about to cream my pants, you're insane.”

You swallow and feel his words between your legs. “Oh,” you breathe. “Okay.”

He tugs on your hand again and you're off, snaking behind the store and further into the grounds. It only takes a few more moments before you realize that he's leading you to his old loft. You laugh into the night air and Steve looks back with a boyish grin, the intensity of his gaze somewhat faded back into the comfort and ease of your relationship.

Though he doesn't live here anymore you know that Hopper hasn't gotten around to renting it out yet and Steve still has a key. “Don't trip,” he teases as he tugs you up the spiral stairs. He takes a few seconds to dig out his keys and get the right one in the lock. You want to touch him so badly you entertain jumping him on the landing but he gets the door open quickly and you stumble inside.

“Thank Christ that worked,” he mutters. The loft is empty of the things that make it Steve but the furniture is still there, including a made bed, which feels like a miracle.

“I'd fuck you in the barn,” you say. Steve wiggles his eyebrows and once again crowds you back against the door.

“Oh, yeah?” he mutters. He shoves a thigh between yours and gently tugs your head to the side so he can trail his lips up your neck. You feel his cock, somehow harder than before, and wiggle for friction. “You still know how to surprise me, bee girl.”

“Steve,” you gasp. “Don't tease.” He could quip about your actions on the hay ride, could drag it out and make you a whimpering mess here against the door by barely touching you, but he doesn't. Steve always wants you just as bad as you want him. He presses his lips to yours in a bruising kiss, cradling the back of your head as he presses you into the door.

It is not lost on you, even through your lustful haze, that this time last year you were doing the same thing. A night that changed everything, that almost broke everything had it not worked out in the end. It makes you more desperate, makes you slide your hands under his shirt to feel his skin, makes you grind harder on his thigh and swallow his moans. You almost gave this up. You almost ruined it.

Steve licks into your mouth and your tongues meet, desperate and messy and then he palms your breast, thumb swiping at your nipple and you keen.

“Bed,” you manage to say. “Bed, Steve.”

He sucks a spot on your neck for a moment more before releasing you. His hair is a mess, lips spit-slick and swollen and the way he looks at you makes your knees weak. “Come on,” he says softly. He sheds his costume as he goes, jacket and shirt and sunglasses tossed on the floor. You follow his example as he closes the curtains and shucks off his jeans.

“Are these sheets clean?” you ask, tossing your bra aside. Steve looks his fill and you let him.

“Hope so.” His eyes meet yours and for a second you're sure he's remembering last year, too. How tender it was, how he fucked you sweet and slow, how you left him.

Things get a little desperate after that.

You shed the remainder of your clothes and he sits against the headboard. You admire him like that, cock hard and already leaking, chest rising and falling as he pants though you've barely done more than kiss. You can feel how wet you are, feel the tightness in your belly just by looking at him.

“Baby,” he groans. “C'mere, please.” You crawl up the bed to him and straddle his thigh. He presses his fingers into your skin, eyes wide as you start to grind on him. You move your hips back and forth until you find a rhythm that catches your clit in a way that makes you gasp.

“Oh, god,” Steve moans. “Look at you, huh? Getting my thigh all messy, fuck.” You lean forward so he can press his face to your chest and tongue at your nipples.

Steve keeps up his filthy babble. “Barely touched you and you're so wet,” he says. “Feels good? Getting all worked up?” He pants your name over and over. “Look so pretty like this, baby, riding my thigh.”

“Wanna ride you,” you manage to say. He bounces his leg a bit and you whine. You reach down and fist his cock clumsily.

Instead of replying Steve shifts you over and lines himself up with your entrance. “You gonna be okay?” Your eyes lock. He means with the stretch, with the position. With fucking him bare. You and Steve have been doing that for a while now and you know he loves it, how he can feel every inch of you and fill you up without worry. You like it, too.

“Steve.”

“Okay, okay,” he laughs. You sink down on him and both grown in unison. The stretch comes without any pain, feels like you and Steve were made for each other, as it always does. “Holy shit,” he says, panting into your neck. “Never gonna get over this. How tight you are, how you have a perfect cunt—”

You cut him off by starting to move, a slow circle of your hips that has him choking on his words, his babble dissolving into your name and nothing else. You can feel his mushroom tip brushing the spot inside you that will have this over all too quickly, the vein along the underside of his cock that drags as you start to lift your hips. Steve does his best to help, hands firm on your thighs and meeting your movements with little thrusts of his own as he trails his lips along your chest, your clavicle, your neck.

“So beautiful,” he mutters. “So fucking good, you feel so fucking good —”

The hook in your belly pulls tighter and tighter but it's not where you need it to be. Your thighs are burning and you feel hot all over and you can hear how wet you are, hear the smack of your skin as you ride him. But it's not enough.

“I need — Steve —”

You reach down to give your clit some attention but Steve beats you to it, thumb roughly circling as you both start to move more frantically.

“I'm close,” he hisses. “I'm close, where do you want —”

“Inside,” you gasp. “Inside, please, Steve —”

He makes a noise that has your orgasm teetering on the edge, punched out and desperate. “Fuck, baby,” he says. You cling to him desperately as he shifts you, changes the position so you're on your back, legs around his hips. He fucks you hard, skin smacking, the filthy sound of your slick drowned out only be Steve's litany of your name as the hook pulls tighter and tighter.

“Let me fill you up,” he says. “Look so pretty with me dripping out of you, making a mess —”

You careen over the edge, fisting the sheets with one hand and dragging your nails down Steve's back with the other. Your eyes shut as you writhe, the waves of your climax rolling over you. You spasm around him, clenching over and over and his hips stutter and you feel him come inside you, the hot warmth coating your walls.

Your breath comes back to you as Steve flops down, still inside you, weight heavy on top of your spent body in the way he knows you like. His hand lazily trails up and down your side.

“Fuck,” he says. You laugh. The post-sex sensations set in, the gentle throb of your cunt where he's still inside you, the wetness of your inner thighs and the soreness of your muscles.

He shifts and you feel how full you are. “Made a mess,” you mutter. He presses a kiss to your temple.

“You made a mess,” he counters. “I mean, the thigh stuff?”

“Steve!” You feel shy all of a sudden.

“It was hot.” He squeezes your hip. “Let's get you cleaned up, yeah?”

He pulls out of you and the soreness stings for just a second. You feel him dripping out of you and feel hot all over again. Steve gets off the bed and heads for the bathroom. You watch him walk there, his cock shiny with you as it softens, the muscles of his legs and his back on display in the dim loft. The scars from various farming chores that you've traced hundreds of times, the skin you know every inch of. You love him. He's yours.

Steve returns from the bathroom and you try not to be self conscious about how you sit exposed on the bed. He's carrying a damp cloth.

“Spread 'em,” he says when he reaches the edge of the bed.

“Sexy,” you say, but do as he says. He snorts but gently cleans you, running the cloth along the insides of your thighs and your tender center. It's impossible not to feel a rush of affection for him as he does, this intimate act that is somewhere between sexual and not. You watch him and feel unbelievably precious in his care. He catches your eye and sees the softness, pressing his lips to your naval, your knee, but saying nothing. Sometimes you just don't need words.

“Let me pee,” you tell him when he finishes. When you return he's sprawled on the bed, boxers on. You pull on your t-shirt and nothing else and crawl up next to him, settling into his side. He drags his fingers along your back. You put your palm over his chest to feel his heartbeat.

“Better Halloween than last year,” he says lightly. The memory of that night isn't as heavy in your post-sex bliss, though it's still around. You've talked about it many times since then and it's in the past but being here reminds you a bit of the fear you felt, the frightening weight of the love you have for Steve. How it shifted your entire world.

Though you know Steve isn't serious, you sit up a little to look him in the eyes.

“I'm never leaving you,” you tell him. He looks a little surprised but recovers quickly, reaching up to cup your face and pull you down.

“I know,” he says. He kisses you gently, reverently.

“I love you,” you say against his lips. He laughs.

“I know that, too,” he says. “I love you back, bee girl.”

thank you for reading <3 reblog, send feedback, general masterlist here! promptober masterlist, find all fics under #fvspromptober23

[honeyjars-sims]

Drag Superstar Episode 4: The Haunting of Hell House on Haunted Hill

[The queens enter the workroom]

Bridget/Vapore: Congratulations to Velvet on winning the photoshoot challenge!

Darren/Velvet: With a face like this, it was inevitable!

Michael B./Jacqueline: Why couldn’t it have been you with the hurt ankle?

[Everyone laughs]

Michael D./Lady Astrid: Valerie, how are you feeling? 

David/Valerie: I’m disappointed that I didn’t give the challenge my all.

Michael B./Jacqueline: That’s not the Valerie I know! You’ve gotta pick yourself up and do what you came here to do!

David/Valerie: [in a confessional] I came very close to going home last night. If I can’t keep my focus, I might not be so lucky next time.

Diamond: [entering the work room] Well, helloooooooo my queens! I know we’re all shocked by Vixen’s departure due to an injury, but the show goes on! Today you’ll be scaring up the drama in a horror feature called “The Haunting of Hell House on Haunted Hill.” I’ll be directing you on set, so be spooky and don’t forget to make me laugh!

[The queens are assigned their roles and begin rehearsing. Michael B. sees that David is struggling and takes him aside for a chat]

Michael B./Jacqueline: Okay, Valerie, what gives? It’s not like you to be so distracted.

David/Valerie: I know, I just can’t stop worrying about how things are going at home. I’m not used to being away from my kids and husband. 

Michael B./Jacqueline: You’re such a good dad, though. I’m sure your kids will be fine without you.

David/Valerie: I wish I could be sure of that. [crying] It’s just hard being here and not knowing what’s going on.

David/Valerie: [in a  confessional] My kids are good kids, but my son has been heading down the wrong path. [beginning to cry] You do the best you can for your kids, but sometimes it feels like your best isn’t enough.

[The queens get ready and head to the set for filming]

David/Valerie: [in character as Stacy] Now look at what you’ve done! You’ve awakened the–the…[breaking character] I’m sorry, I forgot my lines again.

Diamond: One more try and then we’ll have to move on.

David/Valerie: I’m sorry everyone. I’ll try to get it together.

Michael B./Jacqueline: You’ve got this!

[On the main stage, the final version of “The Haunting of Hell House on Haunted Hill” is shown]

Darren/Velvet: [in character as Beverly] Gee Stacy, having a costume party on the night a crazed serial killer is on the loose sure was a great idea!

David/Valerie: [in character as Stacy] You’re right, Beverly! And it’s even better that we’re having it in the haunted house my grandparents left me. I just hope that no one touches that cursed vase over there.

Bridget/Vapore: [in character as Maria] You mean this cursed vase? [reaches for the vase]

All: Maria, no!

David/Valerie: [in character as Stacy] Now look what you’ve done! You’ve awakened the evil spirit inside the vase! Michael B./Jacqueline: [in character as Didi] And look! Your grandfather's portrait turned into a scary but kind of sexy werewolf!

Bridget/Vapore: [in character as Maria] Oops!

Michael D./Lady Astrid: [in character as Brittany] Um, something’s coming this way! And it’s big!

[A large figure emerges from the shadows as everyone screams]

All: Yamachan???

Yamachan: [giggling] Yes, it’s me, Yamachan! I just stopped by to remind you all that my new movie Yamachan’s Big Adventure is heading to theaters soon! Don't miss it!

All: [laughing] Oh, Yamachan!

[The judges clap]

Diamond: Fantastic work! Judges, what did you think of “The Haunting of Hell House on Haunted Hill”?

Izzy: Everyone was so good that even I’m having a hard time finding fault with it!

Penny: You were all very funny, but Vapore really nailed her role! 

Diego: This group is really the best of the best. I don’t envy Diamond having to decide who goes home tonight.

Diamond: We’re really going to have to get down to the wire with this. It’s going to come down to the finer details. I will say that even though it didn't show in the final cut, Valerie was having a hard time remembering her lines in rehearsal.   Izzy: And wasn't she in the running for elimination last week? Penny: That's true, but I see a lot of potential in Valerie. I don't think it's her time to go yet.

Diego: Then who else do you think deserves to go home tonight?

Penny: I--I don't know.

I’ve made my decision. Vapore Lawave, you are the winner of this week’s challenge! Valerie Galloway, I’m sorry but it’s not your time to shine. You will be going home tonight.

Previous | Beginning of story | Beginning of chapter | Next

Vapore Lawave was created by @invisiblequeen! Lady Astrid and Velvet Envy are by @sirianasims!

[youaintnothinbuta]

“I saw you up there, Romeo.” — jack kelly x reader

Summary: Drabble where Jack finally makes his (subtle) move on you after he’s been pining for ages in secret. He does it at Medda’s performance at the theatre, leaving you to go home smiling to yourself with excitement.

Pairing: jack kelly x reader

Word count: 614

Warnings: none!! Fluffy jack <3

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

You and some of the newsies had gathered to head to theatre, Medda being kind enough to offer you any seats that weren’t sold scattered throughout the place. In the midst of Medda's performance, you caught Jack's eye. He winked at you, his mischievous grin suggesting that he had something up his sleeve. Just as you were about to mouth a questioning “What?” he subtly motioned for you to follow him.

Curiosity piqued, you exchanged a glance with Spot, who raised an eyebrow in mild amusement. With a nod, he silently encouraged you to see what Jack was up to.

Jack led you to a small side door that opened to a hidden balcony overlooking the theatre. The view was breathtaking—Medda's performance was visible from a unique vantage point, and the music filled the air in a way that felt more intimate.

"Thought you might like this," Jack said with a grin, leaning against the balcony railing. You gazed out at the stage, the beauty of the moment leaving you speechless.

"Thanks, Jack," you finally whispered, your voice tinged with genuine appreciation.

"Anytime, Y/N," he replied with a shrug, a soft smile playing on his lips.

As you watched Medda’s performance, you couldn’t help but steal glances at Jack sitting beside you. It wasn’t often, in fact, it was never, that you got any alone time with him, despite having a small under-the-radar crush on him.

The way his eyes twinkled with mischief, the warmth of his presence beside you—it all filled you with a sense of comfort and thrill. Slowly, almost imperceptibly, your knee brushed against his, a gentle gesture that seemed to convey more than words ever could. You felt your heart flutter as Jack’s knee responded in kind, pressing it purposely next to yours.

Encouraged by the subtle connection, your hands began to inch closer together. With each minute that passed, Jack’s pinky finally found its way over yours, intertwining in a silent promise of solidarity and support.

As the show progressed, you found yourselves sitting closer and closer together, the space between you shrinking until it was almost nonexistent. Jack’s arm draped casually around your shoulders, pulling you close as if to shield you from the outside world.

After the final curtain call, you and Jack exchanged a knowing glance before slipping away from the balcony and back to the others. Making up an excuse, you gave him a hug goodbye, neither of you acknowledging the recent developments that had occurred.

After you left, Jack quickly snuck backstage, Medda arching an eyebrow at Jack’s return. “I saw you up there, Romeo,” she said with a knowing smirk. “Congratulations, you finally made you move.”

Jack chuckled, his grin widening as he met her gaze. “We were just enjoying the show,” he replied nonchalantly, though the glimmer in his eyes betrayed him.

A knowing smile tugged at the corners of Medda’s lips as she studied him. “You’re a good kid, Jack,” she remarked, her tone softened by genuine fondness. “But I’ve got my eye on you. Don’t go causing a trouble, okay?”

Jack chuckled, a twinkle of mischief dancing in his eyes. “Who, me? Trouble? Never,” he replied with mock innocence, earning a playful swat from Medda.

“Uh-huh, sure,” she teased, though there was warmth in her laughter. “Now, run along before someone catches you sneaking around backstage. “And hey,” she said, making Jack pause his steps, “You be good to her.”

With a nod and a grin, Jack tipped an imaginary hat in Medda’s direction before disappearing into the bustling corridors of the theater. As he made his way back out into the night, a sense of contentment washed over him. Back at the lodging house, you were helping the younger girls get to bed, brushing hair, fixing sheets, the usual. Jack, on the way to his room, quickly poked his head around the corner. You looked up, your cheeks turning pink.

“Goodnight, Y/N.” He spoke, his cheeky grin making an appearance.

“Goodnight, Jack.” You replied, your fingers busy braiding the youngest girl Lacey’s hair.

“Night girls,” he added, tapping the doorframe and walking away, earning a chorus of mini voices saying “night Jack” in response. He couldn’t stop smiling until well into his sleep that night, much the same as you.

Guys ending fanfics is so hard for me it’s like do I write 2000 more words or cut it off here :/

[pssyinboots]

a request for a wally story:

okay so i’m obsessed with wally from school spirits but i’m also obsessed with angst and wally (idk if you do angst but if you do) i was thinking maybe you could write a story about wally and y/n have feelings for each-other and are aware that they both like each other but they haven't made anything offical

but maddie has now appeared to the group and obviously being the sweetheart that he is wally is spending most of his time trying to be as welcoming and helpful to maddie as he can be without realising he isnt spending as much time with y/n.

maybe y/n notices this and starts to feel worried that wally lost feelings so she starts to distance herself from wally without him realising he is losing her more so until much later where he tries to make it all right

happy ending obviously but still angst galore!

hope this helps :)

Ok so i kinda took this in a different direction but im really proud of it and i hope you like it!!

this is also kinda written in a different style than i normally do idk i think i kind of like it)

How to get the girl

(yes that is a taylor swift reference)

You should have known, you should have known that you weren’t enough for wally. Somehow you let not only him but yourself trick you into thinking that he was into you.Now he’s here kissing maddie and you’re forcing yourself to watch instead of running and hiding in a dark hole like you really wanted to. Finally they break apart and he didn’t look like he had a ounce of regret, just smiling that stupid cute smile that made you fall for him in the first place. You could feel yourself breaking, tears running down your face . You tried to keep your sobs from escaping your throat, but you guessed you failed. Because suddenly they both turned to look at you, and that stupid lovesick expression on his face fell instantly. If you weren’t in the position that you were in right now you would have found it funny. But you were in that position so you turn and sprint inside the school heading to your sacred place, the theaters costume closet.

You could hear wally running after you calling your name but you didn’t give a shit. You just needed to get away,sprinting down the stairs you tried to close the door behind you but you’re no match for wally. “Hey come on can we please just talk for a moment”, you swear you could have hit him, you really really wanted to hit him. “Oh now you want to talk really?!?! Because it didn’t look like that when you had your tongue shoved down maddie’s throat!!!” That hurt him, he looked like he was just shot.There was a part of you that was happy that you had that effect on him.”Come on….that’s not fair.” scoffing you turn your back to him and continue walking down the stairs. Shutting down completely you sit down at your desk and start working on the shirt you started earlier for charlie. You could feel his stare on you but you just couldn’t do this right now. “Hey can you please just look at me”, “No wally i cant look at you.Every time i try i just see you shoving your tongue down maddie’s throat. After ditching me at homecoming!!!” You drop the shirt and your needle like it just burnt you and put your head in your hands. “Can you just leave wally,please” He wanted to object, wanting to tell you that he made a mistake.That if he could take it back he would. Instead he just sighs and head up the stairs. “I really liked you wally.Fuck you for making me think you liked me too.” He felt his heart break, stopping in his tracks and turned around staring at your hunched over form. He wanted to say something, run over and hug you and beg for your forgiveness.He knew if he did that you wouldn’t listen to him, you would just push him away and honestly he didn’t blame you.

A few weeks have passed since the homecoming and you haven’t seen wally since. Holding up in the costume closet/basement (of course the sports teams get fancy practice areas but the theater kids have to hold it down in the basement)distracting yourself with random projects. Nothing worked though, your brain was stuck on wally and you hated yourself for it. You hated yourself even more for regretting how mean you were to wally. He deserved it,of course he deserved it. He kissed someone else after asking you out to homecoming, and telling you that he liked you. But you just couldn’t shake feeling bad for lashing out at him like you did. On the other hand Wally was tearing himself apart for treating you the way he did. He couldn’t believe that he found himself stuck between two girls,especially when one of those girls was you. Since the day you got here wally knew you were it for him. You were everything he could ever want. Seeing past his confident fun front that he puts up and seeing the real him. Holding him when he cried over his father not showing up to his football games,listening to him when he would talk about his mom and his love/hate relationship with sports. Then maddie showed up and he felt himself drawn into the mystery, somehow ending up putting you to the sidelines. He honestly didn’t even realize he was doing it until after you brought it up a week before homecoming. He tried to put space between him and maddie,he really did.Somehow he still found himself fucking up. Now he doesn’t know if he could ever fix it.

One thing was for sure though charlie had enough. He couldn’t just sit and watch his two best friends miserable over the other one. If they weren’t going to fix it themselves he was going to fix it for them.“Ok that’s enough i’m so tired of your brooding. Yes you messed up,horribly in fact, but you can fix it.” Startled wally looked to his side to see charlie sitting next to him. He didn’t even realize that there was anyone else on the bleachers. “How can i fix it? She hates me.”, (how could straight men be so clueless),”She doesn’t hate you, she’s hurt every time i go see her she asks about you.”. Wally’s head popped up at that. Staring at charlie with a confused look on his face, “She asks about me?”. Nodding charlie gets up off the bleachers and beckons wally to follow. “She asks about you all the time. Look i’m supposed to meet her in the basement come with me.” That made wally stop in his tracks the last time he was down there you basically told him to go fuck himself . It was like charlie could read his mind, he gave wally a supportive look and grabbed his wrist now he could drag him to see you. “I cant say she didn’t mean it because she did. But she does regret saying it,she still likes you”.

You heard Charlie’s special knock, it was three soft knocks,now you knew it was him and no one else. You walked up the stairs excited to see charlie,but instead it was him. “What are you doing here?”, rolling your eyes you walk down the stairs charlie and wally walking after you.”I invited him, I thought it was time that you guys talked.” you loved charlie he was your best friend, but he loved to meddle. Right now you don’t know if you should secretly be thanking him or just cuss him out. “Charlie…the last time i saw him he was sticking his tongue down another girls throat.” Wally gets up to leave, clearly he wasn’t wanted here. Charlie just grabbed his wrist forcing him to stay. “Look he’s really sorry. He’s just been walking around looking like a sad puppy dog.”You snorted at that. Looking at wally he did kind of look like a sad puppy dog. Looking at the floor like it was the most interesting thing he’s ever seen and shifting his weight back and forth with his feet. “Plus i know you haven’t been a ray of sunshine either. You guys miss each other. You just need to toughen up and talk it out.” Charlie starts walking up the stairs to give you some privacy,”i’ll be right outside incase someone screams fire.” Once charlie left wally looked up at you with his puppy dog eyes. Curse those stupid puppy dog eyes,”Sooo…”. “Wally just say what you have to say.” He walks towards you, towering over you and grabs your hand. “Look I shouldn’t of kissed Maddie that night. I was so caught up and I let it get the best of me,it was a shitty move.I’m not going to try and make up a excuse. Just know that it’s you, you’re it for me I don’t want anyone else.” You could feel tears build up in your eyes. You wanted to believe him, like really really wanted to. There was just a part of you that still had doubts. “Wally you let yourself get distracted by another girl. I know we weren’t officially dating, but i told you i had feelings. I really thought you had them too.” Wally grabs your chin forcing you to look him in the eyes. “I do!! I swear i do, i’m sorry for making you doubt that. I don’t want anyone else, not maddie just you.” You wanted to say no, wanting to pull away and make him leave. You just couldn’t do that though, you knew if you did it you would regret it. So instead you let yourself give in,melting into him letting all the stress go. “Ok”, wally lights up with a stupid smile on his face, “Ok as in we are ok, like you’ll be my girl. We’re together?” He was practically jumping up and down.He couldn’t believe that he got the girl. “Yes wally we,re together” He pumps his fist up in the air and pulls you to him by your waist now he could kiss you. Your arms go around his neck pulling him even closer. He had one hand in your hair, the other having a comfortable grip on your waist. Finally letting go after you both ran out of air he turns towards the door, “CHARLIE I GOT THE GIRL!!”,you giggle at that still having your hands around his neck,”GOOD JOB WALLY!!”

[heelluring]

1:37 am — lee heeseung

when you forgot to sit on your boyfriend's lap

It was friday night, and not just a friday night. It was one of the rare nights where the two of you are completely free from all the responsibilities you had for the past weekdays. It was the night where the two of you will excitedly have your movie night, with non healthy food like chips and popcorn, or just a ramen gourmet your boyfriend, heeseung made.

He was in the living room, setting up your humble 'theater' spot, just waiting for you to finish sending one last email for work. Heeseung was excited, he was waiting so patiently with a small on his face. The lighthearted kids' movie was ready to be played anytime once you're ready. Heeseung look back to the room where you are for the nth time. His right leg bouncing from being excited, can't wait to just be with you. It didn't took long when you finally emerged from the room.

Oblivious at how your boyfriend's eyes lightened than ever once he took your sight in. How his smile widens than before. Shame on you for not seeing that because you keep your eyes on your phone to send one last reminder for your work next week.

"Okay, hee... done!" You took your own comfort beside him on the couch, tapping his legs without looking back, excited for the movie night. It's been five seconds and your boyfriend hasn't moved, thought he'll grab the remote and finally start the movie— he didn't.

That's why you can't stop yourself from finally looking at him, confused winning on your face. And, that confusion made more evident when you saw how offended heeseung look staring at you. His wide eyes looking straight, his mouth agape. He looks like a confused and offended fish, staring as if you grown two heads at once.

"What?" When the question came out, his eyes widens a fraction tilting his head as if asking, 'are you serious?!' in his own silly ways. "What?!" You dramatically raised your voice, giggling at his antics.

"Really? On the couch, Y/n? Wow, I'm hurt." When he sees that your confusion didn't seize, he playfully clicked his tongue, hitting his thigh timelessly. "You should've sit here..." Hit, "Here..." Hit, "Here!" And again, another hit.

"You had the privileges to use my lap as your personal chair, and you didn't take it. I am so offended, wow. My girlfriend betrayed me, and I am so speechless" The last sentence came out as a 'whisper', as if he's saying it to himself rather but the way his voice was loud enough to hear it convinced that it was a snide for you too. "I was ready, y'know? I— my... my legs were ready. It was spreading just for you, and you choose the couch?"

You unbelievable exhaled, eyes still onto him. He is so dramatic and silly, you can even see that he's serious about all of this. Finally feeling the weight of this 'issue', you giggled dragging your sorry's to make it cuter before smoothly sliding on his lap. "I'm sorry... hee" You whispered hiding your face on his neck as you hug him sideways, planting a smack on the side of his neck after. "I promise I'll always sit on your lap for our movie night. I promise!" Childlessly raising your hands, you successfully hear heeseung's laugh. Giving you a kiss directly on the lips as he hugs you back.

"Yeah, you should. I would not tolerate any mistakes in the future. You might forfeit your girlfriend privileged on my lap" Your forehead in contact with his as he whispered those 'threats' with his eyes close but a wide smile on his lips.

— Note !

a spontaneous idea when i saw a video about heeseung being the type of boyfriend who'll spread his legs for you. ODBSI I HAD TO TYPE IT SO HERE IT IS. still busy with school but i'll def edit this and write more once I'm free (might be on summer vacation). hope yall are doing great ❣️

©heelluring | 2024

[abeautylives]

Times I Remember Well

(and Some That I Don’t)

Part 1

author’s note: I’m really excited to have something to share with you guys. It’s written from a diff POV than I usually do, but my main character girly pop has a lot of personality 😘 Big big big thank you to bff @samkiszkasfacialhair for all the help, the ideas, and the motivation 🤍

pairing: female!OCxkiszkas (just read it, you’ll figure it out)

time frame: 2010-2014

word count: 5.7k this part

warnings: language, illicit substance use, rampant teenage emotions and delulu, kissing, josh 🥺

I don’t actually remember the day I met Sam Kiszka.

Not the date, or even the day of the week. I do know what year it was, because it was the year my mom moved us to this quaint (read: weird) little town. Charming, but weird. And boring.

Boring, until I met Sam.

Eleven-year-old Sam was a menace, but twelve-year-old me was bored. So obviously, we became the best of friends. He taught me how to light a firecracker, I had an endless supply of Barbies to blow up. He showed me how to slip out of my bedroom window without making a sound, I told him how to impress girls without grossing them out. In our early teenage years, he introduced me to drugs and I taught him how to unclasp a bra. Chill out, it was weed, and I wasn’t even wearing the bra.

My mom just loved that I’d made such a great friend.

The first time I was allowed to play at his house I met his sister, who was closer to my age, but it was too late. Sam and I were already attached at the hip, though mine sat an inch or two higher than his for a couple of years, until a growth spurt and puberty eventually left him with the height advantage.

That was when he stopped calling me by my name, and started calling me Tiny. Like I said, a menace.

“You’re the coolest girl I know, even if you’re vertically challenged.”

Please note: the first time he said this to me, he had finally just surpassed me in height by half an inch.

Then of course, there were the twins. You’d think the eldest siblings would not have become a big part of my life, but they were just always around, and actually liked hanging out with their baby brother. Close knit family and all that. It’s weird, right? At the wise and worldly age of twelve, the two fourteen-year-olds terrified me. Josh and Jake were both scary in their own way to a pubescent girl on the cusp of teenager-dom. Jake was pretty quiet, but his ego was not. He was hot, okay? In like, a Justin Bieber-y way but also kind of a jock-y way, but a jock with a guitar. Whatever, I’m only human.

Josh was… well, Josh was Josh. Unlike anyone else I’d ever met, and not necessarily in a good way. He was loud, like, all the time. He never seemed to stop talking and ended most of his sentences at an eardrum-piercing decibel level. Fortunately, or not, he didn’t get hot until I was old enough to obsess over it.

I’m sure I didn’t speak a coherent word to either of them the entire first year of my friendship with Sam.

I have a million memories of the time I spent with Sam and his family, but I have no recollection of the day I fell in love with Josh Kiszka.

But once I did, it was a deep, obsessive kind of love that only a teenager can achieve. One day he was my best friend’s eccentric older brother and the next…

Well, the next he was a rockstar.

I mentioned the whole jock with a guitar thing that Jake had going on, and that really hadn’t changed, but somewhere along the way Josh had transformed from a loud, annoying theater kid to a genuine, full blown vocalist. I mean, for a while he was both.

When they first started playing together, I only gave a shit because they’d roped Sam into it too and it took up way too much of his time. I’d watch them play, and they weren’t… bad? They weren’t good either. My time could have been better spent watching R rated movies (scandalous) or, I don’t know, doing my homework. But nope! We were in a band now.

They practiced, a lot. It felt like all they did was practice, for at least a couple years. And I just watched dutifully, every weekend of every month of every year. They did get better.

But here’s the thing. I was there for all of it. I was there the day Jake ran into the living room and snatched Sam up by the back of his shirt. Come on Sammy boy, we need you on bass. I was there the day their buddy Kyle sat down at the drum kit and completed the ensemble. (I was also there the day he got replaced.) And of course, I was there the day Josh pushed his voice past the instruments and the amps, and went from a weak imitation of a rock singer to something else all together. Something totally and completely him.

That’s not the day I fell in love with him (I would’ve remembered), but it was the first time he had ever… impressed me. And not that I cared, but Jake was impressed too. I saw it on his face.

It was cute. In like, a sweet, brotherly way.

Okay, anyway! The combination of Jake’s skill and Josh’s raw talent got them noticed. (Sammy’s talent would develop over time, I didn’t forget about him. Sam, you’re the most talented one in the band.) And then they were playing actual gigs. I wasn’t allowed to go to most of those early ones, because for some reason these dive bars were permitting these pint sized, teenage Zeppelin wannabes to perform at them. Old people like our parents loved that shit. The locals went crazy for it.

They played Fischer Hall a couple times, right there in town, but around their third or fourth gig there, Josh had unbuttoned the flowy, floral, women’s blouse he was wearing and took to the stage with it hanging open, beaded necklaces draped down his bare chest and curly hair wild.

Why was he sort of… ripped? How had I never noticed? Were his pants always so tight? And low cut? I was sweating. I didn’t even know he was literally cosplaying Robert Plant.

Did I fall in love with him that night? Of course not, I already told you I don’t remember the day that happened.

The Saturday after my sixteenth birthday, I left my house around 8:30 to head to Sam’s. To my mom, this was an average Saturday night - I spent nearly all of them at Sam’s house, where his parents were always home. Ya know, or so mine thought. Whether the Kiszkas were actually home or not, we hung out in the garage.

That’s not as weird as it sounds, it was a really cool garage. With furniture and everything. And their instruments, a lot of them. I don’t know how every one of these guys knew how to play every instrument packed into that room, but they did. And by the time I was sixteen, they were really almost good at it.

(Jake was good. Very good… I told you he was hot.)

This particular Saturday though, this was going to be the Saturday that changed my life. And I wanted to dress the part.

In hindsight, I wore something I’d probably worn a hundred times. Then why had it taken me so long to get ready? I changed my jeans twice, my shirt at least ten times, added a sweater, threw it back on my bed, added a flannel, tossed that to the floor. Picked it back up and shoved my arms in, made sure it hung off my shoulder just so. Shoulders are sexy, right? Do guys like shoulders? Oh shit, what do guys even like?

Anyway, I left the house looking exactly as I always did.

I rode my bike slowly that night, already hyper aware of the sweat under my arms.

So I slowed my pedaling even further. When the house came into view, I hopped off the bike and walked it up the drive before tossing it to the grass outside the garage.

Okay, knock twice and just go in.

That’s what everyone always did, what I always did. Just knock twice then lift the door. Everyone was always welcome, come on in!

So go in, idiot.

Look, I did it eventually. Just like always, knock knock, lift the door enough to slip underneath, let it close behind me. Except when it rolled back to the ground, I lost my nerve and stood frozen there for a few seconds too long.

Sam called me out, because he’s a menace.

“The hell are you doing, Tiny? We started without you.”

I moved farther into the space, eyes bouncing between my options through the soft haze of pungent smoke that already hung over the room. There was my usual spot - on the floor, next to the spot where Sam sat cross-legged, his long frame folded and bent, his sharp elbows resting on his knees as he waited for the joint to make its way back to him.

Not tonight, I’m on a mission.

Jake sat to his left, in a well-worn, floral print wingback chair. It was comfortable enough for one person, decades of weight softening the strength of the cushion’s springs before it ever came to live in this particular garage. Jake’s body was slung over it, legs thrown haphazardly over an arm while his own were wrapped around an acoustic guitar. Typical. He tipped his chin at me from under the brim of a bucket hat, then nodded towards the floor beside him. Holy shit, does he want me to sit by him?! I think my fingers lifted in a barely-there wave but I’m not really sure they were functioning correctly.

Okay focus, he did not. Does not. Not in this lifetime.

Still without his next hit, Sam glanced up at me over his shoulder and patted the threadbare throw rug next to him. “Sit down weirdo, you’re making me paranoid.”

Nerves that I’d never, never, felt before in this room fluttered through my stomach, I let my gaze meet Sam’s before continuing the search for a place to plant myself.

There was really only one option left - the couch - and both ends were already occupied. Our friend Danny (Kyle’s replacement, sorry Kyle) was in the process of melting into the corner closest to Jake, his eyes glassy and already tinged pink when he looked up at me. Only his eyebrows lifted in greeting before he mirrored Sam’s offer to sit next to him, tapping the cushion beside him.

This is fine, totally normal! Danny was Sam’s other half. Well, his other male half. I guess we were in thirds. A trio.

I accepted the offering, stepping around the coffee table, scarred with years worth of “art” - drawings and carvings, a few discreet dirty words etched into the surface in between - to drop to the middle of the couch. One of Sam’s brows tipped up when I met his eyes again, his expression asking, “Dude, what gives?”

“Hey, you’re here!” He noticed me, finally. Silvery smoke crept from between his lips as he grinned, and I watched transfixed when they pursed together and he blew a cloud toward the ceiling. My stare was broken when he leaned across the table and passed the joint to an impatient Sam, but to the delight of the butterflies going nuts in the pit of my stomach, he leaned back into the cushions and threw an arm over the back of the couch behind me. EEEEP!

“Hey-“ It was a humiliating and unsexy croak, and I quickly cleared my throat and tried again. “Hey, Josh. Hi.”

His long hair was pulled back, his entire face available for my viewing pleasure. Things were going perfectly.

I joined the rotation, the weed easing the flutters caused by sitting so close to Josh, but amplifying the feeling that the other three were watching and wondering why I was acting so strange.

They were not. They were high.

Aside from the stray curious eyebrow from my BFF across the table, they actually acted like nothing was abnormal about my seating choice, even when I started to scooch imperceptibly to my left every time I adjusted the way I was sitting.

Pulled my legs up under me? Scooch.

Dropped them down so my sneakers met the cement? Scooch.

Crossed my left ankle over my right knee? Scooch.

It was totally subtle.

“I’m gonna grab a pop, you guys want anything?” Sam startled me out of a pleasant reverie as he jumped up from the floor, but my freaking knee was touching Josh’s knee! No I don’t want anything, I have everything I need right here!

It turned out Sam was a huge knee blocker. He gripped me by an elbow and peeled me from the couch as the others murmured at our retreating backs about needing Doritos. He pushed me out the side door and towards the house and had me in the kitchen before I could even tell him he was ruining everything!

Even through bleary, hooded eyes, his death glare was brutal.

“Saaammmmm, what are you doing?!” “What the hell do you think you’re doing, T?”

More glaring. He broke the glare-off first, jerking his head to the side to flick his hair out of his eyes and turning to open the refrigerator, but once his face was inside it, he called me out again.

“Why are you being so weird with Josh?”

I love him, I need him!

“Whaaa.. I don’t know what you mean. You’re just super high.” Yeah, I really thought that would work. Sue me!

Straightening to his full height (seriously, like two inches taller than me… maybe three), he spun to face me again. He actually looked down his nose at me.

“Do you like, like him? What the fuck, Tiny?” He whispered that last part, as if his parents were lurking around the corner waiting to bust him for cussing.

“Look, you wouldn’t understand Sam. I’m much older than y-“

“You’re not even an entire year older than me.”

“Eleven months is basically an entire ye-“

“That’s not the point!” That part was like whisper yelling. I swear it looked like he was yelling, but it sounded like he was whispering.

“Okay!” Yeah, I whisper yelled back. “Sammy, I like him… I’m sorry! I don’t even know when it happened but I woke up one day and I realized that he’s perfect! He’s funny and nice and he’s so… so… cute! Okay? He’s so cute I wanna die and I love him!”

Sam’s eyes were wide, as wide as they could be under the circumstances, and he stared at me like I’d grown another head. With a horn coming out of it.

“You love him. You realize how dumb you sound right now?”

Dumb? No no, this was serious. I pleaded with my best friend for forgiveness. And his help. “Sam… please. Don’t be mad at me, I- I don’t know, I can’t help it! That’s just how I feel, and I want him to like me back!” That’s when it hit me, I needed a wingman for this plan.

“Can you help me get him to like me back?” I gave him my best puppy dog eyes, bottom lip stuck out and everything. As if that had ever worked in the four years we’d known each other so far.

“Fuck no.” His eyes moved side to side, looking for sneaky parents again I guessed. “Definitely not. Why do you have to like my brother, dude? That’s sick, it’s like incest or something!” He stomped his feet a little, and I couldn't help but think it made him look like a child. He was a child! This was serious, grown-up shit and I didn’t have time to play games.

“Ugh, if you’re not gonna help me then at least get out of my way.” I pushed past him and headed back out of the house and into the garage. Not much had changed when I got there, but Danny must have left while Sam and I were gone. The entire couch was empty aside from Josh, still sitting cross-legged in one corner. Damn it!

I flopped into the spot that Danny had vacated, just as Sam hustled back in through the side door, arms full of sodas and bags of chips. My cheeks were warm when I looked up at him, and then they burst into flames.

“Scoot over T, I like the corner spot.”

He’s helping me! Oh shit, he’s helping me. Move your ass!!

Fumbling for a grip on reality, I couldn’t tear my eyes away from Sam’s. He lifted his brows and tilted his head in Josh’s direction. I suddenly remembered why I wasted all my days with this kid - he’s my ride or die. And now I owed him, big.

As soon as I stood to shift to the center of the couch, Sam’s elbow snuck out and made contact with my shoulder. My feet tangled with each other and, balance lost, I tumbled. Right into the arms of my beloved.

Okay okay, that’s a reach. But I did land on him. Sam had nudged me just hard enough to send me toward the opposite end of the couch and I landed ass-first on Josh’s leg, still folded and crossed under the other.

Through the mortification, I heard Sam’s distinct snickering as he placed himself gently on the other cushion. Then, through the popping of soda tabs and crinkling of chip bags, I heard the sweetest, most beautiful sound ever.

“If you wanted to sit next to me so bad, you could’ve just done it, T.”

I quite literally had to extract myself from his lap, but Josh just giggled as I clumsily moved off of him. To my extreme delight and disbelief, I didn’t make it too far. He slung an arm over my shoulders and kept me at his side. We are sharing a cushion. ALERT ALERT - OUR THIGHS ARE TOUCHING.

His hand wrapped around the ball of my shoulder and squeezed. Not once, but twice. I felt like I was gonna puke, but I risked turning my head and meeting his eyes. And he. Fucking. Smiled.

“You good, Tiny?” I should’ve laughed. We were the same exact height, I could be calling him tiny. But this wasn’t funny, because he was still smiling at me and he’d lowered his voice to speak directly to me and I felt it all the way to my toes. Somehow I managed to smile back.

“I’m good.” I was soooooo good. Even when Sam shoved a bag of Doritos at me, I was good. Because Josh reached into it and pulled a few out for himself. He reached into my lap! For chips!

Risking a sideways glance at Sam, I found him eyeballing Josh’s hand that was still resting lightly over my shoulder. I gave him my best “holy shit holy shit holy shit” expression, to which he rolled his eyes and shrugged. Before turning my attention back to the love of my life, my gaze drifted past Sam and landed on Jake. Oh, he was still here? Hadn’t noticed.

Except I was noticing. And he didn’t look pleased. He locked in and held eye contact, absolutely scowling. He was pissed. At me?! I must not have hidden my surprise well, because after a few more tense seconds of the longest eye contact we’d ever held, he blinked away and flung the guitar he’d been cradling all night over the arm of the chair.

Look, he didn’t throw it or anything. The stand was right there and the guitar landed safely, if not a little roughly, in its place. But then he tossed the open bag of Lay’s to the table, swung his legs around and stood. He caught my eye again, his hair doing that flippy thing over his eyebrows as he shook his head.

“Whatever. Night, guys.”

Just like that, he was gone. Two down, one to go. GTFO Sam!!

The next hour or so passed in a blur. Sam kept hitting the joint long after Josh and I had turned it down, and by the time he’d deposited the roach in the ashtray he could barely keep his eyes open. I watched his head fall back into the cushion and pounced on my opportunity.

Leaning away from Josh’s loving embrace (shut up, I was in heaven okay?), I slapped Sam’s chest with the back of my hand.

“Sammy… Sam!” He snorted as his head whipped up, swiped a hand over his mouth and looked at me. I was still leaning toward him, my back to Josh, and I spoke to him telepathically. Or with my eyebrows.

Get out of here right now or so help me God.

He answered verbally, like he couldn't even read my mind. “Huh?”

I withheld growling at him like an animal. “Why don’t you go to bed, man? You’re toast.” Go. NOW.

His eyes tried to focus on me, they really did, before he shook his head and tried again. “Shit. Yeah, okay. Are you… do you wanna stay on the couch tonight?”

Yes. This couch. Allll night long.

“Yeah yeah, I will, but I’m not tired yet. I’m just gonna, um, chill here for a little bit longer?” At that, I turned my head and risked a glance at Josh. Thank God I did, because he was already looking at me, and he grinned. EEEEEEEP!

“I’m not tired yet either, we can listen to some music.” I doubted I could hear music at that point, not over the blood rushing in my ears. But then, oh then, he looked up at Sam and said, “I’ll make sure she makes it to bed, I mean, the couch. Downstairs, I’ll make sure she makes it downstairs.”

“Fine, whatever.” See? He’s my ride or die. “See you in the morning, T.” And then he was gone.

We were alone.

HELLO? WE. WERE. ALONE.

Sure, I’d been alone with Josh before. I’d been hanging around his house nearly every day for four years, we’d definitely been left in a room together at some point. But not while his arm was draped loosely over my shoulders, not while our legs were touching, not while my heart was about to beat out of my chest.

But now that we were alone, I had no effing clue what to do. Then Josh stood up. My heart dropped into my stomach, but he walked over to the stacked milk crates that housed a small part of their family’s record collection and crouched to skim through them. He found something he liked and set it on the turntable, the needle bringing the crackling beginnings of a song to life.

When he turned back to face me, I thought for sure he’d sit in that ugly wingback chair. Or at the other end of the couch. Instead, he circled the coffee table and sat on the opposite side of me than he had been all night. And now his other thigh was touching mine!

I’m pretty sure my throat closed up because I had to clear it rather unattractively to speak. “What, uhh, ha, um, who is this?”

Sexy, right?

Didn’t matter, his smile took shape right in front of my eyes and all I could see was the little barely-there gap between his front teeth. I wanted to know what it felt like on my tongue. Would I be able to tell? If I kissed him right now, would I be able to feel that little discrepancy in the perfection of his teeth? I lifted my eyes to meet his and realized he’d spoken, and I’d missed it.

“Sorry, uhh… what?”

His head tilted and his eyes searched my face for… something. “Wilson Pickett. Sammy hasn’t played this for you?”

Sammy? Who is Sammy? Ohhh right, best friend.

“Um, no, I don’t think so. But maybe? There’s always music on, he’s probably played this.”

He just nodded, at first in response to my rambling and then in time with the song. When it ended, he just… looked at me, for what felt like forever but was probably only a few seconds. I was once again hyper aware of my underarms. Sweating. So I slipped the flannel off of my shoulders, keeping my forearms in the sleeves but giving me some airflow to the pits. Josh’s eyes dropped from mine and landed on the now exposed skin. Yes! Guys like shoulders!

The realization slapped me in the face, so I grabbed it and ran. I slid my arms out of the sleeves and tossed the flannel past Josh and onto the chair, thanking God that I’d worn a tank top. He gulped. Like a full-blown gulp.

Omg I’m making him nervous!!

Confidence boosted, I shifted even closer to him, until our bodies were tucked tight against each other. I’d never been this close to him, aside from that one time we’d been crammed in the back seat of his mom’s car with Sam and Jake, their sister sitting pretty in the front seat. But then I had been a scrawny kid, only thirteen (and a half) and he had been a really weird fifteen year old, not yet having grown into his features. I hadn’t wanted any part of his stinky, sweaty, farty body near me and I’d squeezed myself so close to Sam I was practically in his lap.

But on this night? This Saturday after my sixteenth birthday, I was no longer a kid. And he was no longer weird. He was beautiful, and my face was really close to his face. I could feel it when he whispered, his breath actually touched my lips.

“Wha- what are you doing, T?”

He was looking at my lips, waiting for my answer. I licked them because I was freaking parched, but he watched. And I watched him gulp, again! My tongue slipped out and wet my bottom lip a second time.

“Josh?” Whispering is sexy, it’s seductive. I was sure of it. He did it back, just my name - my actual name - lilting at the end in question.

“Do you.. wanna… kiss me?” I leaned over him, placed my left hand on his chest and felt his collar bone under my fingertips through his t-shirt. Holy shit holy shit holy shit.

I saw the panic widen his eyes, then they darted around me, looking at anything but me. It was really so cute how nervous he was. He was eighteen, for Christ sake! And I was making him nervous!

“Kiss me, Josh.” His eyes snapped back to mine, slipped down to my mouth again and then back.

And then. He. Freaking. KISSED. ME.

In a split second that felt like hours, I watched his eyes close and perfect lips pucker. My eyes stayed open at first, I didn’t want to miss this.

Leaning further into him, I settled my lips against his and slid the hand on his chest up the side of his neck (his pulse was out of control, by the way), and then cradled his jaw. My fingertips were in his hair right behind his ear. I pulled his face closer and ramped up the pressure of our lips pushed together.

He put his hands on me. I swear to God, he really did! One reached for my hip and the other came up to rest against my cheek. My eyes fluttered closed and my body took over. Not a coherent thought left in my pretty little head. Especially when our mouths separated, and then he pushed them back together.

With a mind of its own, my other hand came up and gripped his shoulder. Then my leg swung over his lap and I. Was. Straddling. Him.

It wasn’t my fault. My brain had gone haywire, my body moving on instinct. I’d quite literally never done this before. I’d kissed plenty, I even kissed Sam once (barf), but this felt different. This felt mature. Probably a little more mature than I was ready for but like I said, it was not my fault.

A lot of blame fell on Josh, a whole mountain of it, when the hand on my cheek dropped to my other hip and gripped hard, pulled me flush against him. And his lips coerced my mouth open. And the tip of his tongue swept out and touched mine.

Oh, I was in way over my head. But this was Josh, the boy I loved, and he was loving me back!

A sound I’d never made before crept up my throat. Instant embarrassment heated my already toasty cheeks and climbed up my neck, but then. Ohh then. The same freaking sound came from somewhere below me. Josh groaned. Because of me.

My animal brain completely took over. My tongue was already sliding against his, and my hips decided to follow suit. With zero finesse, they rocked into his. Just once.

He broke the kiss and dropped his head back to the cushion.

No no noooooo, you like this! You love it!

I could feel the proof that he loved it. I was sitting on it. I could see it, his chest heaving.

So I leaned forward and pressed a kiss against his throat.

“Stop, T.” His hands fell limp and landed on my thighs. My brain scrambled to catch up. Stop? Go! His fingers spread across the denim on my legs. Go go go!

But then he pushed. I leaned back to see his face, find an explanation, but his eyes were still closed as he pushed me off of his lap. Helped me swing my leg back over. Kept his hands on my thighs until they were planted back on the couch and closed. Firmly. Then they left me, and I felt their absence like a knife to the heart.

“I… wow, okay.” It’s the best I could manage to formulate, but my brain was running in overdrive.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have let that happen.” He rubbed his palms, the ones that were just holding me, over his knees then leaned forward and dropped his forehead into them.

Okay, maybe he just thinks we were moving too fast!

“Josh, it’s okay. I want this! We can just kiss, I’ll stay over here and you stay there and-“

It was so quiet, but it stopped my words on my tongue and slammed my lips shut.

“I can’t.”

Okay. Okay. Okay.

It’s because Sam’s my best friend.

It’s because I’m too young.

He thinks I’m still a kid.

Like his kid sister.

Fuck!

Anger rolled through me. “Why? Is it Sam?”

He scrubbed his hands over his face and turned to me. Looked at me, finally.

“No, I-“

“Am I too young for you? You’re not that much older, Josh and we’ve known eachother forever, it’s not that big of a de-“

“It’s not that, Tiny.” His eyes closed again.

“Don’t call me that!” He’d offended me, I was o-ffen-ded. “I’m not a little fucking kid!” Okay, I was pissed! I was a grown ass woman!

(I wasn’t.)

Both of his hands reached forward and he pulled mine towards him. Held them there. Opened his eyes. Was he gonna cry? Why are his eyes wet?! Shit, am I crying?

“It’s not you, T. It’s me.” Oh please. “I- well, I um, I like someone else.”

Back to angry! “What?! Then why the hell were you kissing me?!” What a scoundrel, what a snake, what an asshole!

“It’s not like that-“

“What the fuck is it like?!” I didn’t normally curse much at that age, but when I tell you I was mad? Hurt? Embarrassed? I couldn’t stop it from happening.

Shit, his eyes were definitely wet.

“It’s a guy.”

He whispered it, and it wasn’t sexy, it wasn’t seductive. It was sad. Scared. Defeated. I snatched my hands out of his.

There was a long silence. Uncomfortable. He stared at his empty hands and we processed.

“What did you say?” His posture shrank, like he was trying to disappear. “Josh, it’s okay. Talk to me.” It was my turn to take his hands. I held them in mine and squeezed once.

“I’m so sorry, I- I just don’t like you. Like that.” His eyes found their way back to my face, “I really like him.” They went wide and I’m pretty sure mine did too. He seemed shocked that he’d said it out loud, right before panic spread across his features again.

“Please don’t say anything, T. I haven’t- no one knows that. No one. Please.”

“No, I would never Josh, I swear. I just… why were you, ya know, kissing me?” Touching me, pulling me in. He pulled his hands away from me this time.

“I just wanted to feel normal. I wanted them to think I was normal.”

I couldn’t help it. I threw my arms around him and held on tight.

“You are.” Normal and beautiful and perfect. And not mine. A heavy sigh slipped from between my lips. “There’s nothing wrong with you.”

He stayed silent, so I did too. I kept my arms around him for a few minutes before finally letting them slip free, rubbing a palm between his shoulder blades.

“I guess I should go… Are you okay?” Look, I was not okay, but it didn’t seem like that was important anymore.

“Aren’t you gonna stay downstairs tonight?”

Definitely not. “No, I think I should go home…” Probably won’t show my face over here for a goooood long time.

“Let me walk with you.”

I did. He walked on the other side of my bike while I walked it by the handlebars. When we reached my driveway, I left the bike propped against the side of the garage and turned to him. And just like in my dreams, he moved close and pecked a kiss into my cheek. Then he pulled me into his arms.

“I’m really sorry… I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, ya know?” His voice was soft and low, his breath tickling my ear. It should’ve been a literal dream come true.

A half step back and I rubbed my hands up and down his arms. “It’s really fine. I’m sorry for…” Humiliating us both? “Everything.”

“You don’t have to apologize. I mean it,” he emphasized when I shook my head. “Just… please don’t say anything. Even to Sam. Especially to Sam. I’m gonna tell them all when I’m ready, I think.”

Huge, massive sigh. “I won’t. I promise.”

And I never did. Not really.