#and like i don't hate cleaning or anything
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The green eyed monster
Shen Qingqiu gets a kitten. Luo Binghe isn't very happy about it.
Luo Binghe is angry. Bitter. Miffed. Pissed off. Displeased. Inconvenienced.
Jealous.
This is ridiculous!
He is the Demon Realm's Emperor, he is- he defeated the Abyss!
He is the best husband anyone could ever have, Shizun has never even seen the laundry basin once! Let alone the kitchen! The brooms neither!
So why isn't he that is being cuddled and kissed on the head and receiving pats?! Where is his affection?!
It's all the fault of that stupid, useless furry animal, that pathetic kitten Shizun found meowing its head off in the bamboo forest a few weeks ago, a palm sized black creature with wide, scared eyes and a voice loud enough to echo in the whole Cang Qiong Mountain!
Of course, Shizun is so kind and loving, he couldn't have left that screaming beast to die there, especially since it was so small, so he scooped it up, placed it in his lapels (in his lapels! On his chest!) and brought it back to the bamboo house.
The terrible beast lapped up all the food it could get amd purred loud enough to drown out any conversation, cuddling up to Shen Qingqiu obsessively, sticking its face against his as if demanding kisses.
And Shen Qingqiu gave them to it! Willingly! Smiling!
Luo Binghe was going to die of rage.
The beast had even nestled in their bed - "Binghe, she's too small to sleep alone!" - and in order "not to jostle it", Shen Qingqiu had apologetically told his husband they could have sex later, the kitten needed a "safe, warm place to sleep".
The audacity of that ball of pathetic black fluff to curl up on Shen Qingqiu's chest after made Luo Binghe burn inside with rage. That was his spot!
Ever since that night, the beast had become a part of their daily lives, and Luo Binghe hated it. Shen Qingqiu was doing everything with it, keeping it in his lapels or on his lap, playing with it with his brush handles and kissing it constantly.
Kissing!
Only Binghe should get Shizun's attention, anyway, but kisses?!
He decided that the animal had to go.
Keyword: he.
Because Shen Qingqiu had visibly recoiled at the idea of sending the kitten back outside or building her a shelter in the bamboo forest, no matter how pathetically Binghe suggested it.
In fact, the way Shizun looked, so protective but so heartbroken at the thought of being separated from his pet filled Binghe with so much guilt he wished to jump into the Abyss again.
Which brings us to the present.
Shen Qingqiu is attending some peak lord meeting the details of which Luo Binghe forgot because he's been too busy staring at Shizun's lips as he spoke about it to pay attention - and he has left the beast into Binghe's care for the day.
"Make sure you give her some food by mid-day, okay?" Shen Qingqiu had said, picking up the animal to kiss its small, inky nose. The thing purred. PURRED! "And play with her lots, she's so active!"
"Yes, Shizun, please don't worry, I'll do my best..."
"If anything happens, just come get me, okay? She's so small, so I worry..."
Binghe has to fight the impulse to roll his eyes at the memory. The beast is doing quite well running around, wreacking havoc. Why does it have so much energy? Binghe is sick of cleaning up after it. And it meows so much, the noise is hurting his ears.
Could it be so bad if he accidentally left a window open...?
He immediately squashes the thought. Shizun would be devastated!
So what was he to do now?
He just watched the ball of black fluff flurry around the bamboo house like it's possessed by demons. What a terrible thing. Why does Shizun love it so much? It's just a pathetic little thing without a family or a purpose, abandoned by its kind, that fell in love with the first person that gave it a modicum of affection!
Binghe resolutely refuses to think who that reminds him of.
But the little beast is not easily swayed. It seems to know Binghe dislikes it, so it sticks to his side constantly. It sleeps on his face sometimes, or attacks his ankles when he cooks, even licks his hand when it wants pets.
Binghe hates it.
But he does it anyway - for Shizun's sake! He couldn't care less about this puny creature!
...so, you may wonder, why is he playing with it now that Shizun is not here?
That is because Shizun might realize the kitten hasn't been entertained properly and scold Binghe of course! Sure, he did laugh a bit when the kitten tumbled on its tail as it tried to catch the feather Binghe dangled in front of it, and he found it funny how it reached for his hands to bite at his wiggling fingers - but that doesn't mean anything.
Binghe flicks a finger in the little kitten's face, and instead of flinching, it sniffs his finger pad curiously before rubbing its face against it.
Disgusting.
Binghe scratches beneath its chin with a long nail and catches himself smiling as the kitten purrs and closes its eyes contently.
Terrible.
The kitten ducks its head beneath Binghe's finger and he rolls his eyes. "So needy, does Shizun spend all his days spoiling you?"
"Mrow."
He huffs, but runs his hand over the kitten's head indulgently. "You always hog all his attention, how much do you even need, huh?"
The kitten purrs loudly in response as it rubs up against Binghe's gentle hand, and he can't help caressing down the kitten's small body.
"You're too small. Why don't you grow up, hm? You're making Shizun worry."
The kitten chirps, then continues to purr, pleased, climbing up Luo Binghe's chest from his lap. But the travel up is treacherous and the kitten nearly slips - Binghe's quick reflexes catch it though.
"Be careful. How clumsy. If you get hurt, Shizun won't forgive me."
The kitten continues its journey undettered and finally nestles into the junction between Binghe's neck and shoulder. Its small body is warm and vibrating with loud purrs, and it occasionally turns to sniff at Binghe's face and lick it.
"Stop that." He says, without any bite, and scratches between the kitten's ears with two of his fingers. The animal seems to take that as encouragement and pushes its head against Luo Binghe's cheek.
He turns his head to meet small, green eyes and a purring, black nose.
He cannot resist the impulse to lay a kiss over the kitten's forehead.
Maybe she isn't so bad, after all.
--
"Binghe, I'm-"
When Shen Qingqiu walks into the room, his mouth closes and his eyes soften with fondness. Sat on the bamboo couch, clearly waiting for him, Luo Binghe's head is angled to a side, the small, black kitten tucked into his shoulder and serving as the tiniest pillow in the world. They are both asleep, wearing matching expressions of content and relaxation.
Shen Qingqiu wished he had his camera right now.
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Sims In Bloom: Generation 2 Pt. 94 (The Body in Brindleton Bay)
cw: dead body and a blood puddle, discolored / shadowed by the lighting, just to be less graphic tbh. For that reason I also don't zoom in on the body that closely, but text mentions who it is and there's no trick! That is who it is, even without a close-up!
Conrad met his young, eager partner, Zion Spangler, at the docks. His last partner, Josephine, had stuck around a few years longer than planned, but she was so close to retirement she deferred almost all her field work to Conrad and Zion. The sergeant liked the newly-minted detective's ambition and his instinct, and they approached the crime scene with caution.
A body laid at the edge of the pier in a pool of blood, already slightly washed away by the heavy, wet coastal snow of Brindleton Bay.
"The owners of the Salty Paw said someone knocked on their door about a body by their patio tables, but everyone was inside because of the cold and no one saw anything," explained Zion.
"Did you find any clues at the scene?"
"None. The snow washed away every footprint and fingerprint we might possibly find."
Zion got down on his knees to brush through the snow surrounding the body in search of clues. But Conrad took one look at the victim and knew exactly who they needed to look for. "Any ID on him?"
"Everything. Even his money. Vic's name is Jameson Bower."
No it wasn't. Not really. "Run that name through the database back at the station. Make sure he doesn't have any aliases, check his record."
Conrad could have offered to do it himself to cover his tracks. But he wanted to mentor Zion to be as good a detective as he could be, and he knew what the body of Jimmy Stefano represented. Surveying the grisly scene, his heart raced.
When Conrad backed out of the search for Rafa, Ximena called his bluff. This was his jurisdiction. He couldn't ignore a dead body connected to the cartel in Brindleton Bay. He didn't know whether Ximena wanted to hurt the cartel or bring him down, but she wouldn't let him walk away.
He'd all but asked for this when he agreed to meet her in this very spot months earlier, hoping he could get her to disappear by giving her what she wanted, helping her brother in the process. But Ximena hated to go quietly, and if he'd ignored her she wouldn't have let him be, either. It probably always would have come to this, but that didn't make it any easier to swallow.
He called Heather to check in. "Did you get to your parents'?"
"We're fine, Conrad. Lavender's asleep again and I'm just hanging out with Sammy." She tilted the camera on her phone to show off River and Cass' infant son, quietly drinking from a bottle. "Is the body related to the cartel?"
"It is."
"What are you going to tell your boss?"
"The truth."
"You could lose your job for sneaking around."
"Wouldn't I deserve it? I had to come clean to you first, and now it's time to come clean to everyone else."
"Conrad, I love you," she said. "I'm so mad at you for lying to me that I don't even know what else to say right now, but I need to be mad at you in one piece. We can talk more if you make it here this weekend."
"I love you, too." Zion called him then to return to the precinct. "I have to go."
As much as it burned to leave their conversation on that note, Ximena had forced his hand. If he didn't come clean to his coworkers and his boss, he'd lose his job. He might, anyway, but he couldn't move in shadows anymore.
With the scene documented and cleared and the body moved to the morgue, Conrad and Zion returned to the station. They worked through the night, and by morning it was obvious the victim was Jimmy Stefano, a low-level member of Los Tigres de Selva, one of the most violent cartels in Simlandia. "Do you think it's a new turf war?"
Conrad shook his head. "I don't think Los Tigres has operated out of Brindleton Bay for years."
Zion cocked his brow in confusion. "Well, what stopped them? They operate just fine out of everywhere else."
"They don't need Brindleton Bay when they've got hold of the ports in San Myshuno," he said, but his attention turned when their captain arrived. The man barely said hello, immediately shutting himself inside his office. Conrad didn't know if it was just that he'd had to come to work on a Saturday, or this specific case, but he had to come clean.
He knocked on the door. With a look, the captain waved him inside. "Sargent, you look tired." He laughed as if he'd made a joke.
"Been a long night."
The captain's expression changed. "Go ahead and shut the door, Sargent."
Conrad sat with an anxious expression, knees together, eyes down like he was about to be reprimanded in grade school. "About the docks victim, sir. I knew him."
The captain nodded plainly. "I read your file when I took over. But you're not the first cop who turned toward the law when they could have easily gone the other way."
"The thing is, I've been working a case under the table for a while now. I found Jimmy Stefano and filed a report against Ximena Bonilla."
"After everything done to bail you out and send you through the academy, you thought it was a good idea to investigate the cartel runner you once dated? For what reason?"
"She found my address, scared my fiancee. Ximena told me her brother was missing, and he and I were close. He was so young, and I wanted to help him."
"You didn't want to help San Myshuno PD? Ximena Bonilla's brother is a wanted man..."
"I would have told him to turn himself in and work a plea," he insisted. "My old precinct would look good, and I hoped Rafa could turn his life around with a little encouragement from someone other than his sister."
"Are you still in touch?"
"No, sir. I told her two days ago I was done searching for Rafa because I thought she was trying to trick me into investigating the cartel. Blocked her number. After the body showed up I tried the number I had but it's been disconnected."
"So she's the prime suspect."
"I think she might've figured out Jimmy talked to me and she wanted to get rid of him. If she didn't kill Jimmy herself - and she might have - I think she ordered the hit to draw me into an investigation against the cartel that could get me killed and endanger my family."
"Do you think she's working with Los Tigres?"
Conrad shrugged. "I don't know. I did a bit of digging and it looks like the cartel itself might be in a bit of disarray. Power vacuum after the murder of one of their higher ups (go on Frida!), so a turf war seems unlikely. I think the safest way to do this is to treat Ximena like a lone wolf. The cartel's not even supposed to be operating in Brindleton Bay these days."
"Since George Brindleton pulled his guys from the ports, they could have moved back in."
Conrad's stomach flipped. "George Brindleton?"
"George Brindleton lost his boats, but he didn't lose his security business. Pulled his men just before he left for Sulani. Said he was cutting costs at the port during the dead season, but I think he's just trying to remind us how important he is after his son went to prison. We upped patrol to try to deal with the lack of security down there, but his guys don't abide by any constitutional rights...I don't admit this outside these walls, but Brindleton's ports have always run better under private security."
"Was this before or after the restraining order I took out on him for Heather and the kids?"
The captain excused Conrad to think, soon calling him back with Zion and another officer who typically dealt with the press. "This is the plan. Our suspect is Ximena Bonilla, but we don't announce it. We look for her, or her brother, and no one else. We say the investigation is ongoing until we've found one or both of them. And Spangler, you're taking point on this one."
"Why me? Gordon's the sergeant."
"Gordon's too close to this one. I want him focused on looking for Rafa Bonilla, not Ximena, but he'll cooperate with you and help behind the scenes. She might try to reach out to him, and if she does, you'll be the first to know. And if you're not, he's a suspect, too." They nodded with understanding. "And Gordon? No more bullshit under the table or I'll put you on leave and find a way not to pay you."
Having worked through the night, Conrad relinquished his files to his mentee, but he left the precinct with a sense of unease. He still had a job, and he could still search for Rafa without needing to hide anything from his coworkers, but while Ximena was unaccounted for he would scarcely be able to relax.
After a nap in the break room, Conrad prepared to drive to Henford-on-Bagley and face his fiancee. ->
<- Previous Chapter | Gen 2 Start | Gen 1 Summary | Gen 1 Start
NOTE: I reinstalled TOOL to place the body. The blood isn't placed underneath the victim properly, but I was working at the edge of what was visible in a fully zoomed out screen, and for my second ever placement of a build/buy item and first ever placement of the teleporter off a lot in-game, I'm happy enough with the fact it looks like he bled out from the knees. 🤷 Maybe he did, I don't know, I didn't get detailed about the condition of the body because it doesn't advance the plot. Who and why is more important than how.
WCIF Poses & CC? @simmerianne93's Injured poses pack #1, which is a great set - so cinematic. One of the injured poses has the victim with eyes closed and looks a little like EA's curled-up death animation to me, and that's the one I used. And Blood on the Floor from the There Will Be Blood set by Lore from SimsRebelCreators. Several swatches (including red!) and different spatter patterns if you need some blood for your storytelling!
#sims 4#sims 4 gameplay#sims 4 screenshots#sims 4 legacy#sims in bloom#ts4#ts4 gameplay#ts4 legacy#ts4 screenshots#sims 4 story#ts4 story#legacy challenge#sims legacy#ts4 legacy challenge#gen 2#brindleton bay
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Ugh okay I'm about to get very not silly.
Content warning for: Sexual Assult, Body image issues, self harm, probably some depression.
Hmm. I want to talk about this incase I can give strength to anyone else. I know my problems are not as bad as others, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt and it's not valid.
Ive mentioned my fear of small children, I've mentioned really not liking a family friend (to a point that being forced to stay in a cabin with them made me feel so bad I dug my nails into my skin and scarred my arm and hand)
This all partly relates to one incident many years ago. I dont remember how old I was? Must have been earlier middle school?
The family friends I'm referring to have a son. He's a lot younger than me. He's neurodivergent in some way, he doesn't have the best idea of social anything.
I was staying at the family friends' cabin, my family and theirs. There was a guest cabin. I had just taken a shower to clean off the lake water. I was standing in the guest cabin looking at myself in the mirror by the beds, brushing my hair. I had major body image issues with good ol' puberty. I hated how I looked and i felt shameful when my shirt clung to my chest extra tight. I knew I would dry off more, and it would be less form fitting. I thought i could just stay in the guest cabin until then.
Then all the little kids, the boy and my two sisters, burst in, chasing each other around as kids do. I was still brushing my hair.
Something immature boys find funny is the word "boobs" he laughed at me and kept repeating the word. I adjusted my shirt as best I could I wanted to tell him off, but I was scared I would get in trouble if I made him upset.
I went back to looking in the mirror and brushing my hair. He ran past, giving my boob a poke as he sprinted out the door, my sisters in tow. That was it. That is what the warning was for. A touch. Over in a second.
I was panicked, I didn't know what to do. I sat on the bed for awhile, crying and thinking of what to do. It felt like forever. And as embarrassing as it is to say... at that time in my mind I felt as if it was my fault, as if I had a sign pointing to me saying "touch me". And with that in mind, I calmed myself down, told myself i wouldn't say anything, and walked back to the main cabin.
And when I walked in, it was tense. The boy was getting a talking to from his mother, and mine walked over to me.
She asked me if i was okay.
I said I was fine, confused. Thinking its not like he shoved me, punched me, hurt my physically. My mind did not corelate the emotional anguish rushing though my head as I felt even more shame that people knew. that they had told on themselves somehow.
I was not okay, i am still not okay. And it really sucks. I can't blame everything on one incident. But oh man can I corelate a lot of my problems with that incident.
Tight clothes made me feel like scum. Ive only ever worn sports bras that leave me with terrible chest pain. I still cant stand a tight fitting shirt, a v-neck. I can't stand my feminine traits. Because that's what got me into the mess in the first place.
Something so small can mess you up so much. And I'm sick of not acknowledging it. Everyone has forgotten or said nothing. And I feel like I'm going crazy.
So if you made it this far, your struggles are valid. Your feelings are valid. No matter what happend, everyone takes things differently.
And i don't know if I'll can call this sexual assault, but it feels like it was, and that's what should matter.
Everyone stay safe
#cw vent#SERIOUSLY IT IS NOT GOOD#cw sa#cw sh mention#cw body image#thunder's rumbles#i dont feel like taging anything else.#i dont know my online status after this but ill keep moink blog going
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really rhyli You still spread lies about me and harass me
You are really pathetic
Sick and pathetic person
You are really brainless if you think you will get away with your actions
You're just doing this because you have nothing against me.
Just trying desperately to get rid of me and hoping I'll leave tumblr.
And some of your posts just a copy of my my writing Then you edited the writing.
And all you do is take pictures of my gacha and write about that I'm I am evil and stuff.
Actually, you are the one who is afraid here.
You are afraid because I am right and I have a lot of evidence against you
You have nothing to prove what you're saying.
You are just a person who lives in her head and imagination
You don't just need to see a psychiatrist, you need to be taken to a mental hospital.
It is clear that you have many problems. I mean, look at what you write.
Redeem To Be Loyal, Outgoing And Clean Cluthes It Doesn't Mean corrupt,
Excuse me, what do you mean by loyalty? to you🙄
What about clothes? This is nonsense.
This is the talk of a crazy person who lives in her head
What about your bullying and harassment of others?
Stop harassing others
Are you really that blind that you don't realize you will regret all your actions?
You will regret bullying, harassing and annoying everyone.
I warn you to stop spreading lies about others and harassing them
Leave everyone alone now.
You are just a person who lives in her imagination and does not accept reality
You write stories about them as if they are the villains and you are the heroine. Don't make me laugh.
What about their pictures and you write that they are apologies to you?
This is all in your head and imagination and Not real
You are just a person living in your imagination Hazbin Hotel and thinking you are a god.
(And as everyone responds to your type)
If you were a god, make the sea fly in its air and the sky a more green and orange color.
Make Antarctica a place like Hawaii
Make the sun rise in the west and set in the east
Make it rain cotton candy all over the world.
But don't write it in a story, it has to happen in reality.
If you make rain cotton candy all over the world In reality
I would be wrong about you BUT If you don't do this. This proves what I'm saying about you.
Didn't you say that you created the earth?
Where is your evidence that you created the Earth?
Remember Don't write it in imagination, make it a reality.
I will follow the weather news and wait to a News about rain cotton candy
It would be better for you not to make up any excuse for not doing rain cotton candy
If you make any excuses, that will prove what I said about you.
This is the type of person who always gets slapped in the face when we say reality and logic.
Did you see what I did to you Rhylie?
I reply to you like a professional While YOU respond to me with harassing words and hateful drawings about me And steal my posts And you spread lies about me and others
Plus you didn't explain why I'm saying hateful things to you You didn't tell the whole truth.
You just took a screenshot of the bad part I said about you.
Now is the time to start
And as I said before, tomorrow I better find the weather forecast talking about rain cotton candy In reality.
You are not allowed to write a story or make a comic.
Or anything related to the choice of your mind in your imagination
I am asking you to do this in real life
But we all know the answer already.😏
Right guys🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂
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Everyone likes you more than me, which is understandable because I'm fundamentally unlikable and you're not. You bought into a broken system even though you know it's broken, and you've been rewarded for it. You don't value me at all, and I hate to be near you. But if you ever needed anything I would crawl through glass to help.
vs
Everyone loves you more than me. You can be horrible and people still love you. I have to be good, always. I have to clean up after you, to compensate for you. You cause problems because you just can't accept what you can't change, and you never let anything rest. It's exhausting being around you, and I resent all the times I've had to deal with the fallout of your behaviour. I love you.
#one day i will write that brothers fic#jason todd#dick grayson#batfamily#don't mind me I'm just processing my trauma via the magic of blorbos
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the crime scene has long been cleaned up. anything of value to the case taken away. it's only paper work and him now, which is unconventional, he knows. detectives didn't spend their time sitting on the crime scene. but he found himself drawn to the place. he almost hated himself for it. but there was something about it all, something about her. he feels a tightness in his throat, trying not to think too much about any of that. he gives a small shake of his head to the crime scene question. and then he's just watching her move about, opening the windows.
he feels a little less stifled when she opens the windows. he can't help hte small laugh he lets out when she mentions how the cats must be feeling. the cats - light, but it seemed so bloody strange, didn't it? cats. he hadn't seen any of them. some signs, but he had thought maybe a pet that died or something of the sort. she seems to expect them to come. strays? he remembered the barn cats back on the farm. a little feral, but always friendly enough.
"there were barn cats on my dad's farm." he says with a small laugh, rubbing at the back of his neck. feeling nervous suddenly like he's about to go through a difficult test. he doesn't know what to say to her outside of that though. he just stands there waiting for the cats to come in through the opened windows. looking at her in her own environment was something else, wasn't it? he feels a little light headed. it was like looking at her next to that painting. he swallows harshly. "don't think i ever had trouble with them." there's a lightness to his tone that he feels guilty for though. there was a crime to be solved. and now that she was alive he didn't think that he had gotten any closer to finding out who and why. or who the poor girl was who had taken selina's place.
"they haven't come out to say hello yet?" selina clucked her tongue, glad for the lighter subject than her supposed death and the real death of some poor girl. that could only be put out of mind for so long, but she was going to take those precious few moments anyway.
besides, it was important to learn if the cats liked detective cauthon. because if he was going to be around — and if she was going to allow herself to want him to keep coming around, even if only to solve the mystery of her would-be murder — then the only judgement she trusted more than her own was her cats'.
it might have surprised her more except they rarely came out for strangers, and with everything that had gone on they were likely hiding. "if i start opening windows is it going to disturb your crime scene?" and there, already, was the end of her reprieve from her situation, but she was determined to push through it. instead of waiting for his answer she turned to the nearest window to open it. that way they'd hear once she started putting out the food for them. "they must all be ready to throw tantrums at having been locked out for so long."
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dude i think i would actually love doing laundry and washing dishes if i lived in a house like if i had a sink that was a good size and didn't spray water everywhere when i try to do dishes and i had my own washer and dryer i actually think i wouldn't hate doing those things so much
#inner thoughts to keep me sane#like i love domesticity#and like i don't hate cleaning or anything#it's just that my apartment isn't the ideal place for it#it's way too hot in the summer to clean without having to stand in front of a fan every five seconds#and my sinks is absurdly small and the faucet doesn't have one of those ring things on it#so every time i turn on the tap i get soaked and my counter gets soaked and the floor gets soaked#and i don't have my own washing machine or dryer#so i have to use a communal one#and it's so annoying to drag all my clothes down the hall and then sometimes my neighbours leave theur clothes in there for days#and so doing all these normal activities is so frustrating and inconvenient#so i hate doing them#but if i had my own space with appliances that worked#im pretty sure i would love to do these things
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#I'm sorry I'm behind on asks I feel like it never fucking ends#can't talk to family about it. they worry too much. cant talk to friends about it. they just start giving unwarranted (well meaning) advice#and plus they basically live with me atp with how often they're over helping me fuck do I do?? bother them more??#dude it's embaressing even if it's not chronic shit it's just unlucky shit like how u gonna have an allergic reaction & then seizure same d#idk about therapy therapists scare me. it's not a therapy issue though I'm just tired and in pain all the fucking time#one more person says “same omg” or “well have you tried-” i will start cutting peoples throat and eating their livers#you do NOT know what it's like having to write your own will before 30 like this shit aint right shit aint fair#makes me petty and shit too people who are healthy like can you just fucking suffer why do you get that freedom but not me#it just never ends#like I really fucking hate it when people say “oh you have so much to live for” because no I don't#Not so sound like a right winger gosh dang god fearer but like deadass people focus so heavily on “mental health!!” they don't#realize even if you feel better and get therapy or shit that's not gonna be realistically helpful for anything physical going on in sm#it's a cycle even if you manage 1 thing - the medications cause a 2nd thing#and that's alongside all the OTHER things you take medications for which cause all those other things#it's like multiplying and makes your body slowly deplete but like never quite die. like I know realistically I can just die anyday#and yeah it is getting worse but it's no different because it's not about that#when you're sick it's not just “OMG DYING!!!” it's like. everything else in your life dies.#you can't cook for yourself. you can't clean. you can't move. you can't hang out with people anymore. you can barely work LMFAO.#I'm REALLY close to quitting it's not even funny lmao. cant put clothes on without struggling.#do people not know it's. physically impossible. to even eat sometimes. just vomit it all up or seize.#yeah it does make me petty#rant
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why didnt anyone tell me that part of adulthood would be realizing that my mom really wasn't crazy for dusting the baseboards and the ceiling fan and other ~obscure~ surfaces and the dust REALLY DOES settle everywhere 😨
#im doing some ~deep cleaning~ in my room and i cant stop sneezing oh my god this is so gross#SO GROSS!!!!#so many dead skin cells!!!#so much rat dandruff!!!#(from my pet rats not from a rat infestation or anything lmao)#so much carpet beetle poo 🤮#which like#my house has had carpet beetles for as long as i can remember and i think most houses do have at least a few???#they usually stay out of sight so they dont seem like a big deal#and when i do see them i honestly don't mind them at all#i like bugs and i like beetles and they're kinda cute#but i do mind their larvae#i mind the larvae A LOT oh my god they look so fucking creepy#and their exoskeletons are so slight and delicate#they can almost literally float around like lint and they can easily Get Into Things#and i hate them!#i wish the carpet beetles could just skip the larvae stage
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im literally so obsessed with the post saying peter pettigrew would never be a traitor… that’s like basically The first thing we truly discover about him. right there from book three. like that is The Basis of his role in the narrative, that he was the traitor and sirius was not. that he was willing to bow to the winning power rather than risk dying for his friends and values (which is. the one issue the narrative never flinches on. doing the right thing rather than the easy.) like these aren’t real people, they are characters with narrative functions. peter is everything harry doesn’t respect, everything characters like ron and neville defy, when they doubt their places among their friends and still fight for what they believe in, and a foil to snape — snape’s love for lily causes him to make a good choice, peter’s lack of dedication to his friends causes him to make a bad choice. a bad choice that KICKS OFF THE ENTIRE PREMISE. like. yes these are characters and you can choose to play with them like dolls. but hp is a very tight narrative, and it’s silly to claim they are somehow at heart the antithesis of the space they fill.
I know like... if there's ONE detail about him then that's it. It showed up as a recommended post on my dash and I was so baffled for a moment haha. I could understand an attempt to defend his reasoning (I certainly like to understand it) but like... his character is nothing without that moment, it literally defines him as a character, so to say it's bad writing is so silly.
It's like if I made an impassioned post claiming that Voldemort would NEVER kill Lily and James. It moves past headcanon into just... outright denial of the basic facts of the characters and the story. Harry would NEVER have green eyes!!!! Tbh though Peter Defence Movement in general is the last thing I'd have expected a few years ago.
Recently just before I really started getting back into marauders fandom on tumblr, I posted in a discord asking for people's views on Peter, explaining my own interpretation and wanting input. And I was legitimately SO confused when EVERYONE replied in the vein of "hmm well that's not how I see him but ok. he actually was a poor little meow meow who took care of his friends and rubbed their shoulders after a battle, he was a scared little boy and he couldnt help it."
I was VERY taken aback by the complete 180 that peoples views on Peter seemed to have done, since I assumed my portrayal was controversially sympathetic. Fandom used to largely just ignore him, and when he wasn't ignored he was reviled. It once would have been heresy for me to imply Peter had any sympathetic qualities at all lol, whereas here I was pretty solidly shouted down for saying he had the unsavory characteristics we're shown in canon, such as enjoying watching James and Sirius bully others.
It's honestly so fascinating, like when did this happen lmao
#like i said in that post i think it's just that ppl don't like the story/characters#and feel the need to justify it by saying its bad writing#rather than the truth which is that anything mildly complex or dark makes them uncomfortable#like this is a KIDS SERIES. I'd hate to see them read idk. anything written for an adult#they definitely said something like he would rub their backs or clean their socks i cant remember exactly but i was like WHAT lol#also they didnt love it when i pointed out peter was responsible for almost all the deaths in the first order not just l&j#peter#anti marauders fandom#also GREAT point about peter and snape i love that#replies
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Thena is at a tournament and the club decides to fly Gil there to just to keep an eye on Olympia in case she runs away again. Towards the end Thena spots him among the crowd
For the dressage one please 🖤🖤🖤🖤💖
Thena accepted the bouquet, waving to the crowd. It was just a formality, and one she did not enjoy. Winning competitions was why the club kept her, but she was never good at the publicity aspect of her job.
The pictures were being snapped loudly, camera flashes bombarding her eyes on the already blindingly sunny day. She tried not to squint though, having been told by Ajak and Sersi not to.
A hand waved at her from the crowd. It was one of many, but this one actually mattered.
Thena beamed, waving back a little more enthusiastically. She knew he would come.
Well, she hadn't exactly phrased it as a question when she had mentioned this particular tournament requiring travel. And she wanted him there to care for Olympia, since returning victors were allowed to bring in outside help for their horses.
Gil had readily agreed, even offered to pay for his flight, which she had assured him was not necessary. He was doing her a favour, and it would count as overtime for his work, too. And, perhaps, in the deepest recesses of her mind, it felt reassuring to have someone there who she actually knew.
She wouldn't say she was nervous for a competition ever, but the solitude could be stifling at times when it was just her and equestrian reporters and photographers. And they didn't even allow the horses to roam free while they were there!
"Thena, as the returning champion, what was your preparation for this tournament like?"
She did her best not to seem like she was scowling at the microphone shoved in her face. She also had to resist the urge to state that her method was the same for this tournament as all the others; train and aim to win.
"Olympia and I trained for the highest jumps possible," she answered carefully, remembering the media training she had received. "She's cared for exceedingly well at the club, so I'm lucky to have such a reliable partner when I'm out there."
Other riders never credited their horses properly, and it always pissed her off.
"The club must have top of the line care!"
She looked out at the stands again before leaning down to the microphone. "It's not the club. It's Gilgamesh--he works for the club, but he's the best at what he does, no matter where he is. He's the only one I entrust with my horse's care."
She could practically see him now, blushing and waving off her compliments with a modest smile.
Reporters scribbled down his name. Perhaps he would finally get even a shred of the recognition he deserved.
"Do you have any well wishes for your fellow competitors in other tournaments, Ikaris and Eros?"
"No." The crowd laughed, and she never knew why they did that. She wasn't joking. But it might get her out of here sooner.
"So, who's here with you today?"
She shifted the awkward bouquet in her arms again. The lights were becoming too much to bear. "No one."
"Don't you have a personal jockey to assist in tournaments?"
"No," she shook her head, starting to look around. She was hoping to get a glimpse of Gil again but there were too many cameras and microphones in the way. "I brought care of Olympia, but-"
"You registered yourself and a guest, it was assumed-"
"I think that's all the time I have," she smiled, attempting to be polite about needing out of the hornet's nest right that second. She clutched the flowers tighter. She didn't care if they got squished.
"Thena, wait!"
She left the winner's circle, attempting to navigate the flock by herself. She didn't remember the crowd for the last tournament being quite so claustrophobic.
"If you'll excuse us, Olympia needs tending to."
A firm but gentle hand reached in and pulled her out by the arm. She stumbled faintly but Gil made their way back to where Olympia was indeed waiting for them. She smiled, "you're a life saver."
"I get the feeling the media isn't really your thing," he chuckled, turning just so he could walk beside her outside the thickest part of the crowd. He even took the flowers for her, careful not to crush them (the way she had). "Congratulations, by the way."
"Thanks," she smiled, finally able to breathe easier now that she was walking with him. it almost felt like any other day when she could see him at the club. "And thank you, Gil, for being here."
"I'm happy to," he shrugged at her. "And seeing you compete was pretty impressive. I can see why they call you the Goddess of War."
Thena rolled her eyes, attempting to downplay the warmth building in her cheeks, "oh, stop. It's a silly nickname."
"It's a title," he corrected her with a chuckle. He opened the gate to Olympia's stall, letting her in first. "What do you think, girl?"
Olympia whinnied loudly, still full of adrenaline from their event. Her tail swished and flicked, although the braids in it for show were holding up well.
"Were you good for Gil?" Thena asked her trusty partner, whose nose bobbed excitedly in her hold. "I should hope so. Neither of us needs the embarrassment of you running off again."
Olympia's ear twitched. She didn't need to be reminded of that.
"That's what I thought," Thena murmured, although she ran her hand down Olympia's nose lovingly. Her other hand patted the laurel of flowers hung around the poor creature's neck as well. "Shall we get this off you?"
Gil did the honours, and Olympia obediently lowered her head to let him. The tournament assistants who had placed it on her had not gotten away with it so smoothly, getting nipped at by her at the time. But Gil patted her cheek, "that's better, huh? Roses aren't really your thing."
If she could, the mare would surely be rolling her eyes just like her rider.
"It's just tonight," Thena promised her, still holding her head and smoothing down her fur as Gil brushed her properly, if briefly. "We'll head home as soon as we can tomorrow."
Olympia huffed, but nudged Thena's whole upper body with her massive head. She, too, was ready to go home after all the excitement.
"Don't worry girl, I've got your dinner all prepped," Gil added, much to her delight. He chuckled as her ears perked and swivelled. "And I swiped some apples from the hotel breakfast for you."
Thena laughed faintly as well as he pulled two golden apples out of his jacket pockets. "Gil, the breakfast is free, you hardly needed to smuggle them here."
"Well, I didn't know how they felt about outside food here," he admitted, even glancing around them nervously. "But I wanted her to have a nice treat after all her hard work."
"No one would say anything to you, surely," she murmured, also looking around them. No one had better dare to say anything to him, rather. Or they would have her exchanging some words for which the club would definitely have to issue a formal apology.
"I'll come back after dinner," Gil promised as he patted Olympia's nose, moving alongside Thena to take their leave. "Bring her some oat cakes to make up for all the carbs she's burned."
Thena shook her head. The previous caretakers at the club could barely be argued into attending to Olympia just before they left club grounds right as dinner was served. Gil's devotion to going above and beyond for her horse never ceased to amaze her. "Heracles will be jealous you spoiled her like this."
"Well, that little shit can get spoiled too if he learns to behave."
Thena laughed, following Gil out of the stable. "They're holding a dinner for the victors, are you coming?"
"Oh," he blushed, squeezing her roses faintly, "I-I was just gonna get the hotel buffet again-"
"Nonsense," Thena discouraged. She pulled at her hair to release it from its painfully tight bun. "I invited you here, the least I can do is see to it that you get a proper meal out of it."
She didn't have to request he come with her. But in truth, she had wanted a familiar face when she was facing one of the biggest tournaments of her career. She had wanted his smile, and his familiar face, and his wave to be here.
The least she could do was take him to dinner.
#Thenamesh Dressage AU#thank you so much for the ask!!!#it always warms my heart that people are so fond of this one#Thena would never EVER admit it#but she does get a little bit of stage fright#not the competition she dominates at that#she and Olympia sweep every category#no what she hates is when she's up there alone#not even second and third are beside her now#all the questions and the cameras#she hates it#so the club is like fill out all the forms yada yada#and then she remembers the request form to have care brought with her for the tournament#and she basically hits Gil up like what are you doing next weekend?#so Gil has no idea how glad she really is that he's here#if she hadn't had to be on the field grounds at first light she would have had breakfast at the hotel with him#also Gil is like I've never been to a club event I didn't bring anything nice to wear#Thena says don't worry about it#but he does so he goes to one of those shops that are in every fancy hotel#he rushes in and goes uh I need a suit#and they go right this way monsieur#Thena sees him that night in the lobby#of course she looks beautiful but she gives him a smile#Thena: you clean up quite nicely#but in her mind she's like jesus is it possible to wear a suit with arms like that?
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.
#i'm so frustrated i've just wanted to come home for several days and now i'm here and it's just one problem after another#i had to leave a window open because of the heatwave that was fully 8 days ago because i wasn't gonna be home in the meantime#and apparently they mulched the yard during that time and it blew in the window and got all over the room. which i haven't cleaned yet#also i discovered today that when i flush the toilet it spurts water all over the floor!#and i'm already so tired and sad and i don't have the bandwidth to deal with anything#this toilet thing is an urgent problem but i'm not going to call the emergency hotline right now because they'll just make me stay#up all night waiting for them and i'm already so tired i'm crying from tiredness#so i'm just gonna try not to flush the toilet anymore but like. i just wanted to be home where it's calm and familiar#and now i have to stress about flushing the toilet and have strangers in here (best case scenario anyway. worst case is they#ignore me and don't fix the problem) and probably still be tired because i'm going to be too anxious to sleep well#i'm just so TIRED i just want to REST#and i was texting my friend about it and LOST SERVICE in the middle which has never happened before in my apartment#that was the final straw and now i'm just sitting here weeping feeling sorry for myself#i hate this fucking property management company why can't they just keep their units habitable
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not just
no
but
hell no
to this idea:
@healthtechai
I'm not sorry, fuck right off with your AI in medicine okay? "AI integration" in my google docs spell check has made it STUPID. I get spelling and grammar correction squiggles that are blatantly wrong. I get tense corrections that are wrong. I have gotten spelling suggestions where it wants me to spell received as recieved. I recently got caught in a loop where it wanted to fix 'bemoaned' to 'primrose' AND 'primrose' to 'bemoaned' so that NEITHER was ever accepted as correct.
AI??? When people's LIVES are on the line??? NO.
#it's not there yet#and it's stupid to risk it#fuck right off with you ai everything#i LIKE ai but i hate this creepy obsessesive careless race to use it in everything#i don't want it in art or medicine or counseling or anything with babies involved#just use it to automate food growing and house cleaning okay#fuuuuck
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vege guy is so funny though. when we went to the capital to stay at his mom's place he was like "it's like. it's like a nice place. like. maybe. a little bit... bourgeois... ummm (staring at me with big wet eyes) are you going 2 break up with me..."
#just thinking thoughts...#it WAS like. very nice. and it made me realize I couldn't even conceptualize the true vision of karasuma's apartment#because it's getting filtered through my life experiences of which do not include. gestures. That#they had a magnetic contraption attached to the mirror and it would hold your soap... like soap bars get soft if they sit in water right.#so there would be a magnet in the soap and a magnetic holder on the mirror... so the soap wouldn't be touching anything and trapping moistu#I couldn't even conceptualize of things like that man.#and like. they had a specialized air filtration/circulation system????#and there were so many things that were electronified...#there was a huge screen that would cycle slowly between different artworks that was also a television.#like it was huge huge. erm. erm. erm. if it was on the floor instead of the wall I could probably lay down and not touch the edges#YEAH IT'S BASICLALY THE SIZE OF A SINGLE BED...#and like everything was just. nice. I don't know how to describe it.#Every single piece of kitchenware felt hand-picked. everything was just nice. it was insane#like the thing is that my dad hit it big on the stock market but it still never felt like we had that#like it felt like all our cups were things college students left behind or shit we got at events#and like mom was like 'yeah I actually hate our couches lol... you sink too far into them :/'#i dunno it was also that it was just such a clean place#zero hoarding.#and like THAT to me is really it. THAT to me signals they have money because they don't have to hold onto every little thing#because if you need something... you could just buy it. again.
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want to cut my hair again like you wouldn't believe. What are the possible consequences of going bald
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#actually i dont mean bald i just mean all one guard length#but hhhhh maybe i'm in an awkard stage maybe not i just CANNOT live like this#middle part is frustrating because it's not perfect in the way it sits side part is frustrating because i look like a girl#i feel like i could go all in with the 4 and then sorta texture a bit with the 2 guard HOWEVER having used the 4 previously. i know#how short that is. it might not look good so i worry#the bright side is it would grow out a bit by the time of the parade but augh i hate this#i'm currently a tightly wound ball of rage sorry. i didn't eat much of anything 2day#tried to call the hospital to get help with the letter/consulation thing preceding top surgery and they were NOT OPEN so idk if they will#be open tomorrow or not. the passage of time has gotten very vague all of a sudden#iiiiiii do not think i am doing well. lol. idk why though! god forbid any of it have a reason#i almost wish i'd relapse just so i could like. eat food again#idk i don't think it would solve it but i feel in my heart it might make things easier#buuuut because relapse is Bad For Me i guess i have to avoid it. well i want to anyways.#one bad day would not a reset make but my previous day happened this year already so...#i dunno it's been so long that i feel like it's not valid or whatever cause it was at an age where i can say it was a 'phase'#.............. i dunno what to do with that information. anyways.#i mean so what if i went all in on it again anyways? i kinda miss it lol. it's not like i could do any serious harm??#(potential infections aside.)#i just want to be creative and i CANT because my stupid brain will NOT think of anything#and the majority of what i have concretely written of this was written... get this .... right when i was trying to stay clean at first#correlation does not equal causation ........ sighs#i feel like i'm fighting a losing battle because i WANT IT to be that bad again#i've never really regretted it & it's never really been because of anything#i just started because i was curious about why someone would do that. that's all#i dont think i've EVER had any of the mental distress i see people in when theyre in these spaces#in one journal entry i made this big deal about wanting to kill myself but *i didn't want to*. i never did.#like sorry old me but it is REALLY hard to believe i've ever been depressed depressed#i just want things to be better and they never are :/ this should be everything i wanted and its just ... not#i'm not really sure how to ....... oh tag limit ok hold on
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oh
u kno i actually never thought maybe my cat actually wasnt a stray 😬😬😬
#look I know we all hate Facebook but this is the one thing it's still pretty good for#costs literally nothing to just throw a ''lost cat found'' post or two in a local pet group on Facebook#it's the bare minimum but at least you did *something* instead of just blatantly stealing what could be someone's pet#also if it's relatively clean noticeably well fed and fully willing to approach you#very likely *not* a stray unless it was recently dumped#and no one's gonna claim it if they dumped it so you don't lose anything by making a post or two#if the cat is claimed and turns out to be an outdoor cat what you do going forward from there is up to you#but at least you found the owner and didn't just assume things#'cause literally how would you feel if you posted your cat now#and learn some kid somewhere has been devastated thinking their pet's been dead for years after getting out one night#only for it to turn out some random stranger actually just stole it after making a faulty assumption?#I imagine you'd feel like shit and you should
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