#and like i cant even ARGUE bc YEAH im severely addicted to cigarettes and vapes and weed
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im just screaming into the void
#stuck in a loop of#'my life is falling apart im fucking everything up im throwing away my life before it's even begun'#and like i cant even ARGUE bc YEAH im severely addicted to cigarettes and vapes and weed#im literally doing irreperable damage to my lungs and heart and circulation and brain development#and it's not like im about to stop#im the kind of person who skips class to hang out w my pets and leaves the homoerotic social function early bc im overwhelmed#like i just#gah#but it's okay to be damaged#it's okay for ME to be damaged#i spent my childhood suicidal and trying to fix myself#and then as soon as i started to become myself my cousin died and my aunt shot herself and i went to school and became a druggie#and im just now coming back to myself after being semi derealized and in a major depressive episode for the better part of two years#and the only way i learned to manage my emotions was by repressing them#and it MAKES SENSE#that i am scared all the time and leaning heavily on bad coping mechanisms and shutting down in the face of stress#it is okay that i am stressed and it is okay that my brain gets overwhelmed and doesnt know what to do except try to escape the situation#and i will get better at learning to have emotions without running away from them#because it is okay to feel bad#and it is ok to be doing bad
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