#and like 2 weeks ago we were working in that group assigment and i feel like i opened my eyes lol because he fucked up SO badly

[idk-i-want-mcl-content]

beebop

story time to future self, hope you learn from this

[whatiftoday]

#8 what if: group therapy

I think I haven’t written a blog in a month or so now. Mostly because

1. I have been too freakin busy

2. I have to write a lot as homework for the group therapy sessions

I have been busy working, having a second job as well now, doing stuff for our photo club as secretary and making+editing photos. (also for money). you would think I’m really rich now but actually no.  I didn’t get paid like a lot for the photo job and it took a lot of time editing all those photos. 

Secondly, I started this group therapy session for improving your self-image. Hoping that would improve my anxiety as well. The therapy is quite intensive (for someone who also works and stuff) because it is every week and you have homework every day. 

Firstly I was quite anxious to start this group because I have never done therapy in a group. But it didn’t worry me as much as I think it would have a few years ago, so that is a good thing. I also find myself really participating in the group sessions as I want to say things to the discussion and such. It’s quite a big group so it’s a lot of listening as well. 

The funny thing is I’m quite irritated when other people talk about how bad they feel about themselves, but when I think about it I feel the same thing. It’s just that I think for those people it’s unfair and not true that they think so badly about themselves, while for me thinking the same way as them about myself is absolutely normal. 

It’s not really as much as a therapy as it is more a training. It’s not like what you see on tv when people talk about bad moments and everyone cries and then everyone feels better because they talked about it. You get legit assignments you have to do during the week and then you talk about how the assigments went. Then you get explained what the next assignment is and sometimes you get to practice that in the group and you get to ask questions. But you hardly get involved in someone's problems or issues. 

Which I think is the meaning of the group because we are all people who would rather help someone else with their problems so if they were to talk about it you would try to help them instead of helping yourself. But sometimes it is quite annoying because someone has to explain part of their issue to explain how they did the assignment and then only get to hear a part of their story/issue which leaves you wondering what the whole story would be. 

Anyhow the training/therapy gives you more insights which are always a good thing; but the same as ever, it always raises more questions as well. We now had 4 sessions which means there are 4 or 5 more to go and I keep wondering; is this going to be enough to keep me from preventing anxiety breakdowns?. I really get that having a low self image is a great part of having anxiety, and the therapy is only a start you have to keep doing the excises even after the training. But is this going to be enough for when things will get really bad?

I’m also not sure if things will ever get that bad; since I think I mostly had the hardest parts, plus if it ever gets bad I have the experience now with the previous bad times. But it still is that anxiety part that keeps wondering:

What if it gets bad and you lose everything good you have right now? because that is the bad thing about my situation now; I love my job, my volunteer job, I love my house, life, hobby, everything is going so freaking well. Which means I only got more things to lose...