#and lazarus is of my very fave eps

[moongoddesskiana]

I'm just thinking about AU where you keep elements from different canons for maximum angst as well as maximum 'you done fucked up my fave' because the writers really don't understand my fave's origin story

So Jason recently left the Titans (have I ever watched more than the first 3 eps no but I've seen enough clips and fanvids) and is back to working with Bruce. They are working on a case where the criminal has diplomatic immunity, Jason goes to confront the dude who proceeds to fall off the balcony (also for kicks the dude said that no one was going to believe that Jason had nothing to do with it when Jason tried to save him and he shoved Jason off) and dies.

After this Jason is forced to go to therapy where Leslie (whom he already knows and trusts) helps him a bit though he is still very much struggling. Jason then over hears Bruce say that Jason is being too rough and is going to be taken off active duty, Jason then runs out of the manor and into Crime Alley. Bruce tracks him down and they have a conversation like the one in Titans and Jason asks Bruce not to give up on him and that he had nothing to do with the dude's death.

Not sure if I'm gonna have Bruce believe him or not, but Bruce thinks this is for the best and doesn't realize how much this fucks up Jason and worsens his feelings of being rejected. As Jason leaves the alley but is still in the neighborhood an old neighbor flags him down saying they have some of his family's old things. Jason sneaks back into his room and goes over everything in the box hoping to find some of his mom's old things, what Jason actually finds is his birth certificate. The mother's name starting with an S but otherwise unreadable. Jason doesn't feel like he has anyone to go to and tries to track down his bio mom.

Cross referencing Willis addressbook he finds 3 possibilities, I'm gonna be lazy and say that Sheila was in town for like enough time for Jason to find her in Gotham. Meanwhile Joker broke out of Arkham and Batman's on the case and thinks that Sheila's job's local warehouse known to not usually be in use is Joker's next move. Sheila tells Jason she has to go to a meeting but to meet up later when Bruce runs into Jason.

Bruce asks Jason where he's been and what is he doing on a Joker case (it's been like a week since Jason left the manor only leaving a note saying that basically reads I know when I'm not wanted don't do a obligatory search.). Jason for a second thought Bruce had been looking for him and that he actually cared until he asked what Jason was doing on a case, Jason's sense of rejection escalates.

Bruce says that Sheila workplace might be in trouble but that he was also checking out another lead. Jason tracks down Sheila to warn her that the Joker might be up to something using her work's warehouse, she's like sure kid uh huh until he shows he the Robin suit. Then Sheila says to help her search the warehouse before her meeting which was to happen at the warehouse so that they would know if anything bad was inside.

Jason says that he should call in Batman just in case when they round a corner in the warehouse and the Joker is there. Jason (in Robin suit) turns to Shelia to yell at her to run when she pulls out a gun and points it at Jason telling him "sorry kid looks like you trusted the wrong person this time."

Jason is then tied up and beaten with a crowbar, whilst Sheila sits back and smokes on a nearby crate. Jason goes unconscious and Sheila is tied to the warehouse while the Joker says there can be no witnesses. Jason tries to get them both out of there while he struggles to move, they make it to the door when he hears a timer seconds away from zero while Sheila tries to open the door. Jason covers her body with his own while resigning himself to death. The warehouse explodes.

First responders are already on the scene when Bruce gets there. Sheila is alive long enough to tell Batman that Jason was a good kid, a better kid than one she thought she would make. The first responders found Jason before Bruce did, Robin was pronounced dead on arrival.

Everything is happening in between season 2 and 3 btw, well at least until Red Hood arrives.

Dick hears about the explosion over the news and rushes to Gotham, team in hand. They miss the funeral. Dick finds out that Jason had been missing for a week before that and is pissed Bruce didn't tell him. A month later Tim forces his way into Robin and gets assistance from the Titans who welcome him with open arms.

3 months after his death Jason crawls out of his grave, Scarecrow and the League of Assassins are working together (don't ask why idk either) and Jason stumbles across a meeting. Someone notices Jason isn't responding properly and they began experimenting on him eventually realizing that one of Scarecrow's toxins makes him less fearful and respond to orders more. Talia grows to give a shit and puts him in a Lazarus Pit before she is sent away but still partly in charge. Ra's says to drug him before he wakes up and to make Jason reliant on the drugs and on the League of Assassins.

Jason is trained up for a year before they put him on the scene as a figurehead but not really in charge of anything Red Hood. Jason tries to keep civilian casualties as low as he can, tries to keep things centered on ending Gotham's crime and criminals. He makes his number one rule no drugs to kids, no harm to children, no exceptions.

Two lackeys who drugged Robin were made as examples. Jason himself was still force fed Scarecrow's toxin every day.

The code name Red Hood was one of the few things that he had been given control over a nice little Fuck you to the Joker (still alive and kicking) which he had a do not engage order for so he couldn't kill the guy himself (not that he thought he would be able to even with the toxin). Jason tries to use it as a force of change, a force of good for Gotham. Sometimes when the drugs were wearing off he wondered how much harm he was doing compared to good, and how easily he killed criminals.

The league of assassin's pulls out of Gotham for reasons Jason doesn't know about, Jason tries to get clean while an imposter with meta abilities impersonated Red Hood in order to get to Hank and does Gotham harm. The titans have been in town for most of the time btw. The meta, a telepathic shapeshifter, bumped into Jason read his mind and figured Jason Todd would be a good cover for them while they did this and they could implant memories into Jason later and no evidence would lead back to them especially because of Jason laying low and trying to detox alone.

So yeah Jason still murders people but the stuff in the show making someone snap their neck, civilian casualties that shouldn't have happened and killing Hank, that was a meta in this because I can't see even a very fucked up Jason doing those things.

Everyday the meta tracks Jason down reads his mind and implants new memories. Jason tries to get help but that keeps getting stopped or people refuse to help him for the things they think he did.

The meta is taken into custody when someone realizes that that isn't Jason because either he called one of them or one of them saw him one the street collapsing. This leads to so much confusion epically since Jason has two sets of memories the stuff he did do (duffle bag of heads) and things he didn't do (kill Hank). In the process of sorting his memories the Titans realize how much they fucked up with Jason especially when they hear him say 'Arkham is to good for me, I need to be put down, I'm poison.' After hearing him whimper in his sleep begging Bruce not to put him in Arkham, to not leave him with the Joker.

Jason and Tim mostly get along and become siblings, but Gar is the only Titan who didn't really hurt my fave from what I know. The rest didn't really treat Jason as one of them and didn't try to understand him or empathize. I heard that Kori was also okay with him but then I saw a clip from 3x08 and I was like :/

Don't have anything else currently for this idea

[qwertyfingers]

hi it's watch order anon again i sent the time travel ep ask before you answered the tng watch order one (after i saw your post about it taking a while) and i was actually thanking you for recommending spn eps to me (because i'm also the spn watch order anon) and talking about spn time travel episodes (which i am going to look up you don't have to rec any to me if you don't want to). thank you VERY much however for the tng time travel rec list i'm adding them to... the list

OH IM STUPIT KLSGJCHGFG

well, here we have: FITZ’S FUN-RANKED LIST OF SUPERNATURAL TIME TRAVEL EPS (TAKING A ROUNDABOUT DEFINITION OF TIME TRAVEL TO INCLUDE ALTERNATE UNIVERSES BECAUSE THEYRE FUN IN THE SAME WAY OKAY)

IMPORTNANT DISCLAIMER: S5E4 The End is theeeeee iconic Supernatural time travel/au ep but do NOT be led astray you HAVE to watch this one with context. do the full deancas lazarus rising to the end speedrun you will NOT regret it I PROMISE

S6E15 The French Mistake THEEEEEEEEE episode of all time amongst thee show of all time. they KILL eric kripke ONSCREEN

S3E11 Mystery Spot - LITERALLY a timeloop fanfic. EXTREMELY good. fave pre-Cas episode for me.

S5E8 Changing Channels - brings back mystery spots MOTW and makes him even more powerful. iconic behaviour, great episode.

S6E17 My Heart Will Go On is fun hijinks-y but admittedly has very little on-screen time travel. Balthazar is in it though and I like him

S6E18 Frontierland - Dean and Sam send themselves back in time AND it’s a cowboy episode. VERY star trek

S13E16 Scoobynatural - IT COUNTS I THINK. Semi-related, S8E8 Hunteri Heroici involves a guy who make cartoons come to life with his mind. It’s a very fun and very pretty episode and Cas and Dean r gay, well worth watching <3

S4E17 It’s A Terrible Life - Zachariah traps Sam and Dean in alternate reality where Dean is a (heavily implied out queer) businessman of some sort and wears fruity suits. Sam is there I guess. One of its finest Gay Homophobia episodes and genuinely very fun to watch.

S11E14 The Vessel - Dean wears a fruity little sailor outfit and Casifer (Lucifer who is possessing Castiel and the Winchesters don’t know yet - it’s a whole story arc) fists Sam’s soul just for funsies. The ONLY reason Casifer couldn’t get on that boat is because if Cas saw Dean’s fruity sailor outfit for more than a minute he would have lost his MIND and Lucifer woulda had to leave his vessel sharpish.

S8E11 LARP and the Real Girl - I think the title speaks for itself really, I think this counts! Charlie Bradbury (Felicia Day’s character) is in it and she’s cool and gay and Dean wears chainmail <3

S7E12 Time After Time I can’t remember that much about this ep but Dean does wear a very good 40s suit including a shoulder holster <3

I really want to tell you to watch the Belphegor episodes (S15E1-S15E3) but none of it would actually make sense I’m just obsessed with them bringing a messy gay bitch demon into Jack’s body literally top 10 Supernatural Gay Homophobia Moments in my onion.

S8E12 As Time Goes By - Sam and Dean’s grandfather jumps forward in time to find them, and introduces them to the history of the Men Of Letters, whose house they will steal in the next episode

S4E3 In The Beginning - This and the next episode are only ranked so low because I don’t care about Mary and John drama. HOWEVER. Zachariah sends Dean back in time to meet his mum before she married John and Zachariah very possibly fucked her. There are a LOT of memes about this now.

S5E13 The Song Remains The Same - Anna tries to stop Sam from being born. This entire concept is VERY funny to me. As is Sam and Dean showing up on the doorstep of their mum and dad, who do not have children yet, telling them their real names and saying ‘it’s a family name’ when John points out that Mary has relatives with the same name. Comedic genius I don’t care about the rest of the episode but from what I remember it’s pretty good.

S14E13 Lebanon - this episode is bad because it tries to redemption arc John BUT. it gave us  [spoilers] 1) lesbian steve jobs ted talk sam 2) Dean trying to placate alt-Cas who never got to know him by doing the ‘Cas....’ and gentle touch thing and alt-Cas just going ham and obliterating his ass 3) Dean choosing to go back to their world (with Cas <3) over staying in this universe with his Dad because he’s not worth it <3

There are several flashback eps to Dean and Sam’s childhoods, but as you can imagine these are all pretty sad and not the kind of thing you wanna watch For Funsies. The wiki has a list of those here.

The longest alt-universe arc is the Apocalypse World - a world where the Angels and Demons successfully orchestrated their plan to cause the apocalypse and are steadily wiping out the last of the human population. This isn’t overall a “fun” arc, but is v interesting and pique your attention if you like time travel and AU content. The wiki lists all the episodes here.

[trenchcas]

episode origins p1

i was watching moriah earlier today and was wondering what the significance of the name moriah was, so i searched it up. i’ll explain it here in this. i wanted to learn which episodes have titles derived from pop culture, literature, etc. so i put together this list. it’s not complete, feel free to reblog with more!

why did i waste hours on my life on this, you ask? i don’t know. 

season 1

pilot: obviously, all the first episodes of shows are called pilots. nothing new here.

wendigo: they’re fighting a wendigo

dead in the water: the phrase means “unable to function, move”.

phantom traveler: the name of the demon they’re fighting

bloody mary: based off the legend

skin: shapeshifters, also there might be a meta about how it’s a metaphor for dean

hook man: they’re fighting a hook man

bugs: bugs

home: they go home

asylum: they go to an asylum

scarecrow: scarecrow

faith: the concept of god first comes into play here, i thought that was pretty interesting. that’s why it’s called faith, duh. dean + faith is explored.

route 666: racist truck yes

nightmare: sam’s visions

the benders: i think it’s based off of the bloody benders, a family of serial killers

shadow: meg’s stalkery?

hell house: it was literally a hell house

something wicked: originally chanted by WITCHES in shakespeare’s macbeth. the full line is “something wicked this way comes, open locks, whoever knocks”. obviously the shtriga is a witch and it refers to that.

provenance: painting provenances, it’s in the episode

dead man’s blood: they use dead man’s blood

salvation: being saved or protected, like the boys and john do with the family

devil’s trap: the devil gets them in a trap. and they built a giant devil’s trap too.

season two

in my time of dying: based off of the led zeppelin song [x]

everybody loves a clown: based off of the gary lewis song [x]

bloodlust: i think it’s for the vampires but they were also a band in the 90′s

children shouldn’t play with dead things: based off of the 1972 movie

simon said: the whole “you do what i say” thing with andy and evil andy

no exit: it’s a song by blondie and in the episode h.h. holmes captures blondes...? am i just clowning

the usual suspects: based off of the 1995 movie

crossroad blues: based off of the robert johnson song (fave!) [x]

croatoan: i like this one. okay, so you guys probably know about the whole roanoke/croatoan thing in the 1600′s. so there’s a theory that the settlers were wiped out by a disease (similar to this town). also, the town would disappear off of the map.

hunted: gordon hunted sam

playthings: dolls, but the little girl was the grandma’s sisters plaything

nightshifter: a shifter in the night

houses of the holy: based off of the led zeppelin song and album [x]

born under a bad sign: based off of this song [x] there are a bunch of others including jimi hendrix but...?

tall tales: yeah i think this one is self explanatory

roadkill: someone got killed on the road

heart: werewolf heart but also how sam gave his heart to madison aww also there’s a band called heart

hollywood babylon: based off of the book by the same name

folsom prison blues: based off of the johnny cash song!! [x]

what is and what should never be: based off of the led zeppelin song [x]

all hell breaks loose: yes it did

season three

the magnificent seven: based off of the pretty famous western go watch

the kids are alright: based off of the who song [x]

bad day at black rock: based off of the 1955 movie

sin city: there’s a bunch of songs but the city was sinning so

bedtime stories: they were bedtime stories

red sky at morning: the full phrase is “red sky at morning, sailors take warning”. with the theme of this ep it fits pretty well.

fresh blood: fresh blood yes

a very supernatural christmas: i’m not sure. i think it’s based off of a christmas album?

malleus maleficarum: a 1400′s book of witches. latin for “hammer of the witches”.

dream a little dream of me: i love this song! based off this: [x]

mystery spot: mystery spot

jus in bello: i can’t really explain it but here [x]

ghostfacers: g h o s t f a c e r s

long-distance call: long distance call

time is on my side: based off of the rolling stones song [x]

no rest for the wicked: a biblical quote that means “evildoers will face eternal punishment”. also, “one’s work never ceases”.

season four

lazarus rising: in the bible, lazarus is the righteous man, which makes dean the righteous man. and he rises. so. 

are you there, god? it’s me, dean winchester: based off of the judy blume book (maybe?), are you there, god? it’s me, margaret.

in the beginning: they go back in time

metamorphosis: with the rugaru but also sammeh

monster movie: monsters and movies

yellow fever: referring to the disease i think, but also there are a few songs

it’s the great pumpkin, sam winchester: based off of it’s the great pumpkin, charlie brown.

wishful thinking: yeah

i know what you did last summer: dean + hell, sam + ruby. is it based off of the shawn mendes song? i don’t think it is because this came out way before the song.

heaven and hell: opposite sides meet, dean’s hell experiences.

family remains: there are remains

criss angel is a douche bag: idk?

after school special: based off of the abc program? i think?

sex and violence: there was a lot of sex. and violence.

death takes a holiday: death took a holiday

on the head of a pin: i’m not sure but this article is interesting, maybe related. probably related. [x]

it’s a terrible life: based off of it’s a wonderful life? i love that movie btw

the monster at the end of this book: ughhh! yes!!! first of all there’s a sesame street book by the same title. also, chuck actually was the monster at the end of the book! that’s crazy. insane. 

jump the shark: “(of a television series or movie) reach a point at which far-fetched events are included merely for the sake of novelty, indicative of a decline in quality.“ probably the whole long lost brother thing.

the rapture: a belief that christians will rise to “meet the lord in the air”. kinda like jimmy does.

when the levee breaks: based off of the led zeppelin song [x]

lucifer rising: lucifer rose

season five

sympathy for the devil: based off of the rolling stones song [x]

good god, y’all!: cas goes to find god

free to be you and me: a marlo thomas album and the brothers split up

the end: yeah it’s the end

fallen idols: i think we get it

i believe the children are our future: a lyric from a whitney houston song

the curious case of dean winchester: based off of the short story, the curious case of benjamin button.

changing channels: channels were changed. the end.

the real ghostbusters: based on the 1985 animation

abandon all hope: the full phrase is “abandon all hope, ye who enter here” and that pretty much sums up this episode.

sam, interrupted: i’m not sure?

swap meat: meats were SWAPPED.

the song remains the same: based off of the led zeppelin song [x]

my bloody valentine: based on jensen’s movie. but also the band?

dead men don’t wear plaid: based on the 1982 movie

dark side of the moon: a pink floyd album

99 problems: that one jayz song whatever

point of no return: a 1993 movie but also the poto song hehe

hammer of the gods: based off of the 1985 book i think? it’s about led zeppelin so probably yeah.

the devil you know: means that it’s better to deal with a situation you understand than one you don’t.

two minutes to midnight: this phrase is commonly used as a countdown to a global catastrophe (i.e. the fucking apocalypse)

swan song: someone’s final performance before retirement (i think this is about both brothers because it’s sam last battle and dean’s last fight before living with lisa)

season six

exile on main st.: based off of the rolling stones album [x]

two and a half men: it was a sitcom? but idk if that’s where it’s from

the third man: based off of the 1949 noir thriller? maybe? but there were also three men so idrk

weekend at bobby’s: it was a weekend at bobbys

live free or twi-hard: based off of twilight and that bruce willis movie that i watched once way back when

you can’t handle the truth: truth goddess. soulless sam gets exposed ig

family matters: based off of the 1989 sitcom? maybe

all dogs go to heaven: based off of the 1989 movie? probably

clap your hands if you believe: i think this is an original title idk

caged heat: based off of the 1974 movie i think

appointment in samarra: probably based off of the 1934 novel of the same name

like a virgin: based off of the madonna song [x]

unforgiven: sam does unforgiven things

mannequin 3: the reckoning: not sure

the french mistake: just... just read this link [x]

and then there were none: based off of the agatha christie novel of the same name

my heart will go on: y’all all know what’s up [x]

frontierland: they went to yeehaw town

mommy dearest: based on the 1981 film? maybe?

the man who would be king: based off of the 1888 novel by rudyard kipling

let it bleed: based off of the rolling stones album/song [x]

the man who knew too much: shares a name with the 1956 film

season seven

meet the new boss: they met the new boss idk

hello, cruel world: sad sam

the girl next door: there’s a 2004 romcom with the same name

defending your life: a 1991 romcom! wow!

shut up, dr. phil: sam and dean became philanthropists idk

slash fiction: hahahahaha i think we know what it means but wHY is it called that?

the mentalists: they met a bunch of magic people wow!

season 7, time for a wedding!: more like season 7, time for a slightly r*pey episode and GARTH!

how to win friends and influence monsters: based off of the 1936 book how to win friends and influence people

death’s door: they were at death’s door idk

adventures in babysitting: based off of the 1987 movie by the same name

time after time after time: based off of the cyndi lauper song? [x]

the slice girls: prolly based off of the spice girls idk

plucky pennywhistle’s magic menagerie: yeah idk

repo man: it’s a 1984 film too

out with the old: they were fucking around with antiques

the born-again identity: obviously based off of the bourne identity which i haven’t seen in forever

party on, garth: hahaha

of grave importance: it was very important

the girl with the dungeons and dragons tattoo: probably based off of the movie/book the girl with the dragon tattoo. 

reading is fundamental: reading is fundamental. go read a book.

there will be blood: there was blood

survival of the fittest: everybody fought idk

okay i’m gonna stop here for this one because i’m tired asf and i’ll do part 2 later 

[jebentnietalleen]

okay so i wanted to take my time and go over the episodes so that i could actually give a proper answer. just know that i started to watch because of destiel, i am that basic bitch, so most of the episodes on this list are destiel heavy. i am pretty sure that this will change over time, but right now my top 5 eps (in chronological order) are: 

6x20 the man who would be king (please give misha an oscar. damn that episode is just… it’s a lot. i love it so much. i could easily watch it as a stand alone ep whenever i feel like witnessing the greatness that is the secretly good supernatural that only exists in our heads)

8x17 goodbye stranger (they were all dean!! he couldn’t hurt dean!! ‘i need you’ when i tell you i wanna yell.) 

13x01 lost and found (widower arc!!!! this is maybe my favorite late-season spn story arch. yeah. no i am sure actually, it’s one of my favorite things spn ever did, period. dean’s grief made me bawl my eyes out)

13x05 advanced thanatology (again, because of the last 5 minutes. the way dean’s face is lit in the car when he realises it was cas that is on the phone. the song that plays in the background, culminating in ‘it’s never too late to start all over again’ just as he sees cas. the way the camera ONLY pans between dean and cas. the fucking illuminated cross that is a parallel to romeo + julliet. when i say this story arch is one of the best things spn has ever done, this is why) 

15x09 the trap (i just love everything about this episode. it is such a well done episode from start to finish. i love the symbolism of them reconciling in purgatory, the place where their relationship really started to change. a place that has been described as ‘pure’. i absolutely loved dean’s prayer to cas and i CRIED so hard fucking hell. give jensen his oscar!!! and also just… ‘you don’t have to say anything. i heard your prayer’ the implications of this are too much for me to handle. love love love it.

the rest of the episodes that i loved the most, because they made me Feel Things and/or were just that epic, are under the cut.  

4x01 lazarus rising (what an introduction to both a new story arch and a new and important character)

4x16 on the head of a pin (please give jensen an oscar - not the last time i’ll say this during this list)

4x22 lucifer rising (the whole sequence in the angel waiting room was so well done, and the moment cas choses to help dean out? chefs kiss) 

5x04 the end (just all around epic, lbr)

5x18 point of no return (‘i rebelled for this?!’ ooffff go off, cas)

7x17 the born-again identity (listen i just… missed cas a lot during s7, so of course the episode he returns is one of my faves. also amnesia!cas was a pretty interesting concept, especially when you look at how dean dealt with it)

8x7 a little slice of kevin (purgatory, man…. purgatory. SIGH)

9x06 heaven can’t wait (oh boy. human cas… i do have a weakness for you. i felt so sad for him when he thought he had a date and turned into the babysitter. plus, dean looking at him from the parking lot??? hello???)

11x04 baby (i will be very honest here and say that when i heard there was an episode from the car’s pov, i thought it was gonna be a comedic episode with a voice over or something, and didn’t have any expectations at all. but i really really fucking loved this episode? it was so well done. i was kind of in awe tbh)

12x19 the future (the mixtape!!! AARHHHFGGGHH!!!!)

12x23 all along the watchtower (just for the last 5 minutes. dean’s reaction to cas’ death…. god i wanna cry just thinking about it istg im not even exaggerating) 

14x08 byzantium (the beginning of the ep where dean, cas and sam are celebrating jack’s life while they get drunk and laugh with each other, something we rarely get to see, really stuck with me. plus, of course, cas’ deal with the empty, and jack being reunited with kelly in heaven)

honorable mentions to these episodes that mostly just made me laugh and feel good:

7x01 meet the new boss (castiel as god is literally the best and funniest thing ever)

8x08 hunteri heroici (cas trying to become a hunter is somehow both funny and endearing, and honestly looking back on it i love it even more because this was the start of him becoming involved in hunting because he wanted to help the winchesters and i just!!! wanna scream!)

13x06 tombstone (the cowboys! dean is happy! cas wants to please dean! cas knows dean is an angry sleeper, like a bear! i’m your huckleberry!) 

i am SO sorry this is so long holy shit sjfhdsjh but you did ask! 

[jq37]

Ok, a few Unsleeping City asks: 1-Thoughts on new ep? 2-CAMBRIDGE SANTALYTICA 3-The gang tries to meet up for drinks

**spoilers for mutant santa melee**

(I’ll respond to the other two parts of the ask in another post!)

We are back with our first battle episode of the season and our first chance to see the NY Crew really show their skills.

Ricky trying to keep Sophie's reckless ass safe because he has big golden retriever energy is great.

I can't decide if everyone taking this first fight more seriously than the first fight in FH is because they remember how badly they got womped last time and didn't want a repeat or because they were just playing older, more experienced characters.

I hate everything about these mutant Santas and I want it on the record. I mean, they're great from a game design perspective but I hate them.

"Mr. March, I'm gonna save you!"/"My name is Rick, by the way."

I thought it was funny that Ricky and Sophie both happened to hit the exact wrong type of Santa for their skillset for their first attack, back to back.  

Fig's Bardic Inspiration move was to do flirty winks at everyone. Misty's is to give big, theatrical compliments. I love it.  

Ricky dropping gun safety warnings mid MUTANT SANTA FIGHT.

"Fucking come out of your stupid cocoon! I know you're not a butterfly!"

I love it when rolls are happening at the table and Lou is loudly like, "This is terrible. I hate this." He did it all through the family rescue rolls in FH too.

"It's fine. It's fucking new York. What do you expect?"/"The NY that I live in and the NY that you live in are very different my friend." That's the real NY experience.

Sophie going, "F the minions, I'm going for the obvious boss Monster, I'll take the attacks," is such a good character defining moment. Also, the action-y music abruptly cutting off as the door shut was hilarious.

So Pete is hearing mysterious whispers and Sophie is hearing mysterious whispers and I'm Concerned, especially since it's the two newbies and it's not necessarily significant but it could be so I'm just mentioning it and tabling it until I have more info to speculate.

Misty turning to Kingston and saying, "Just like old times!" makes me want to know every single detail of their history together before the new kids showed up.

"Santa's my friend and he's fucking dead."

I like the homebrew rule for Pete's wild magic surge which makes the odds of one increase every time it doesn't happen because it ups the chaos factor and makes it inevitable rather than just a possibility which I bet has the potential to create some real tension in a long, drawn out fight.

The way Brennan kept describing Pete's arm as peeling like a banana when he used his magic grossed me out so much so, if that was the goal, you did it. Thanks, I hate it.

The, "Guess I'll just die," meme but it's Pete going, "Guess I'll just use this evil magic."

"Darling I love to be naughty. It's my favorite thing!" (Misty's chaos potential increases with every line she says).

"SANTA GETYCHO ASS UP." (Flawless bedside manner)

I forgot how fragile lower level characters can be! I'm glad so many of the party members have at least some healing spells (I think everyone but Pete and Sophie) as opposed to FH when it was basically just Kristen I think.

"He just gives us a PS4 and that's it."

Sophie monkey bars up Giant Eldritch Horror Santa's exposed ribcage and upercut-kick him because stripping Emily of her magic doesn't strip her of her creativity or flair.

"Darling, with me every day is a show. My life is a show!"

Sophie, upon being complimented by Misty: Oh my God. My new friends are awesome.

The idea of a dirty rat man summoning a unicorn is hilarious to me.

Pete's first Wild Magic surge just restores his sorcery points, which is great as a player but, as a viewer, I really hope we get to see some bombastic nonsense soon. Also, Brennan had the wild magic surge, in story, be the result of Pete's magic reacting to Kingston's, which I thought was a cool way to justify game mechanics.

"You're the opposite of Santa!"

Smites are GOOD you guys.

Sophie catches Santa and and Ricky (who has just killed the boss Santa) takes a selfie with them. Bless. Also, Sophie refuses to put down Santa for the rest of the fight.

Misty has an umbrella with a KNIFE inside of it which I LOVE.

The fight ends a little anticlimactically because, once you bum rush the boss, all that's left to do is clean up the minions.

Misty mentioned having Shoes of Titania and I wanna know if that's an actual item with a mechanical effect and what its stats are if so.

Ally realizing they only some of the Santas explode on impact basically at the end of the fight was classic DnD.

Santa sending people into his bag was giving me big Naddpod vibes.

"What the fuck happened?" --Santa, 2019

I don't like the implication of the gestating tadpoles with the Santa hats. Like, is Santa's hat organic? Is it just a part of his body? No thank you.

Pete just lying to Santa's face for absolutely no reason. Incredible.

Santa and Misty talking shop, just because, was such a fun 30 seconds of RP. I love RP that exists just to exist (and, sidenote, I also love when it comes back around and becomes relevant like in Naddpod (14 seconds of absolute silence...chicken)).  

"Santa, don't give this boy an egg."

"A very fancy egg for a very not fancy boy. But a good boy nonetheless."

Ricky on Santa: It would be crazy if you weren't real because you're such a good person. (Zac struggling to get through that was his second best moment of the ep).

Pete gives Santa a bag of coke and tries to dip when she sees cops because, magic or not, that's Who He Is As A Person.

Santa: Pete, your soul is in jeopardy. (lol, Santa knew his name on sight which, of course he did. It's Santa. Duh.)

CENTAUR HORSE COP. I love that as much as I hate the mutant Santas.

Ricky, horrified: Am I on the bad list?/Santa, who is still processing that Ricky never stopped believing in Santa:Ricky, no. (That was my fave Ricky line of the ep, in case you were wondering)

So, in this world, Christian (Catholic specifically) figures explicitly exist, which is good to know. Also, in last episode and this one, the grey faced child mentioned Lazarus which I thought was just a stylistic name choice but that's a name w/ specific Biblical connotations (that's the dude Jesus brought back from the dead for those not up on your New Testament) and it still might be irrelevant, but it's one more thing for me to tack up on my conspiracy board.  

"Santa, are you Cambrdige Analytica?"

Anyway, Heaven and Hell use the naughty and nice list to figure out who goes where so they're not being redundant which is wild because that means Santa essentially gets to decide morality for the rest of the world and, as of now, Pete is super going to hell based on the look Santa gave him when they were talking about who's on the naughty list.

Santa's list has been stolen which is, como se dice, Bad. The specifics aren't clear, but it's super not good. Also, Santa lets the group know that they might wanna figure out what's going on with Pete before he chucks deuces and goes home. So it seems like we'll be seeing him again.

I wonder what the timeline for this season is gonna be. Like, Christmas seems like an obvious time for a big, climactic setpiece, but it'll have to be a really compressed timeline if that's what they're aiming for. Compressed compared to Fantasy High at least.

Sophie, illegally cracking a Mike's Hard in Central Park in front of a cop: Um, we're magic. (She gets a ticket immediately)

That's it for this week! Next week the mob (the pixie mob maybe?) and Siobahn has awesome hair!

[noiseartists]

Italian Shoegaze and Dream Pop quick guide, Vol. 1

This time we'd like to introduce you to the Italian multi-colored panorama with a selection of recommended bands orbiting the shoegaze planet. Better known for its classical music tradition, nowadays Italy holds surprises for noise lovers. Shoegaze, dream pop and noise pop are no longer sort of 90s memorabilia nor rare birds here: with Slowdive, MBV and Ride reuniting in recent years Italian tour dates were always included. And while this resulted in increased fan bases and attention from independent media - with new specialized webzines and web radios coming to light, the truth is Italy has been speaking the language of loud guitars and bleached vocals for some time now. While in the last decade a few notable veterans have already been making their way in the alternative world, especially over the border, newbies have come to light and settled a real Italogaze scene.

For both, the drive to fit in the international music scene means staying unique, contemporary and somehow having sharp, recognizable roots at the same time. Drawing inspiration from different genres such as new wave, psych, electronic, grunge, each artist tends to blend their common ground - shoegaze classics and noise essentials - with original tastes.

What they all share is the need to communicate (with no actual words, like any shoegaze singer would) at high volumes, both vertically and horizontally. That is, the listener might find an emotional connection with an ambiguous time-line that ranges from vintage sound scapes to modern arrangements, or he could even find himself in another place.

Lost in a metaphysical space, you can't just tell if you're floating under the surface of a rough sea, if you just ended up in a desolate valley with no-one but a cello, if you're looking for your answers in a remote galaxy or maybe you just got caught in a powerful, colourful vortex. Either way, you'd probably forget to be in your room and, we're sure, never guess to be under the warm sun of Italy. 

You might have already taken a look at our articles on the talented Clustersun and Stella Diana, now let’s continue our journey with a short overview of recommended Italogaze bands. More bands and more steps in this sonic trip are coming soon!

 STELLA DIANA

Arguably one of the most long-lived bands in the Italian shoegaze scene, Stella Diana is a multifaceted project founded in 1998 by guitarist Dario Torre, who has been making a big name for himself in Italogaze and international alternative circles as a gifted composer as well as an enthusiastic supporter of shoegaze and alternative genres made in Italy.

Along with his musical career he currently runs the web radio Shoegazin’ your waves, through which he is promoting popular and emerging Italian artists.

Stella Diana has released 5 albums in total showing dramatical changes in terms of line-up, sound shaping, inspirations and even lyrics language.

Their early works were characterised by sharp compositions, echoing vocals and a post-punk texture of sound and song structures. The very choice of Italian language was not obstructive, as is shown by a long-time fan base from all over the world.

Actually the band collected hundreds of European tour dates, which has made them better known abroad than in their homeland.

However, 2015 was the turning point in Stella Diana’s history. Their fifth release, titled Nitocris and produced by renowned sound-engineer Marc Joy, marked a decisive shift towards modern shoegaze tones. Thanks to its richness obtained by skilfully combining walls of sound with dark moods, the album has been widely acclaimed.

Stella Diana’s upcoming work will be titled 57, due out May 25. Its launching single Der Sandmann suggests new patterns and evolution: it is a dreamy, minimalist track featuring a cello that evokes a sense of isolation.

Despite such variety, what has been unchanged throughout Stella Diana discography insofar is an obvious passion for 80s and 90s sounds, their taste in creating melodies, hazy atmospheres and hypnotic bass and drums.

Take your time to read our interview and in-depth collaboration with the band to learn more about them.

Stella Diana’s line-up is:

Dario Torre - vocals & guitar

Giacomo Salzano - bass

Giulio Grasso - drums  

Stella Diana’s music work is:

Supporto colore, album, released 2007

Gemini, album, released 2011

41 61 93, album, released February 2014

Alhena, EP, released December 2015

Nitocris, album, released April 2016

Non-original, yet great material include:

Leave them all behind (Ride cover), digital single, from VA - Leave Them All Behind - A Tribute To Ride, released March 16, 2015 by The Blog That Celebrates Itself Records

Lazarus (Boo Radleys cover), digital single, from VA - We Are All BOO´s, released April 14, 2016 by The Blog That Celebrates Itself Records

Mild Confusion (Tamaryn acoustic cover), digital single, released April 2017

Nothing Natural (Lush cover), digital single, from VA - Lovelife, A Homage To Lush, released March 1, 2018 by The Blog That Celebrates Itself

HUMAN COLONIES

Blurred dreamy cloudy fuzzy something, and that’s all. Despite such a brief self-introduction on social media, it seems that a little more has been written on Human Colonies since their debut in 2013.

With their last release, Midnight screamer, the band has gained popularity and after some premieres circulating on webzines and specialized blogs, the album has been welcomed by Rolling Stone Italia as a groovy-yet-shoegazey job well done.

Human Colonies music is all about directness and simplicity, tons of fuzz, gentle vocals and a powerful rythmic section. Their favourite artists include Dinosaur Jr., My Bloody Valentine, The Pixies, And you will know us by the trail of dead, Melvins, Sparklehorse.

Their sound is constantly moving through noise, dream pop, psychedelic, all mixed with a genuine lo-fi / punk attitude.

Human Colonies are currently touring Italy, if you happen to be around we recommend you not to miss one of their energetic gigs.

If you’re curious about the history behind this shy and bubbly power trio, we invite you to read more on our dedicated article coming soon.

Human Colonies’ line-up is:

Giuseppe Mazzoni - guitar, vocals

Sara Telesca - bass, backing vocals

Riccardo Cotti - drums and percussions

Human Colonies’ music work is:

Demo/EP, demo, released August 2013

Calvary, album, released 2015

Big Domino Vortex, EP, released January 2017

Midnight Screamer, album, released April 2018

Non-original, yet great material include:

Breather (Chapterhouse cover), single, released March 2016. The song is off Treasures, A Tribute to Chapterhouse, a compilation of tracks by various artists appearing on The Blog that Celebrates Itself

Porcelain (Ulrika Spacek cover), single, released July 2017. The track is included in La Femme Noir, A Tribute Compilation to Zanne 2017.

REV REV REV

Rev Rev Rev is an outstanding example of Italogaze bands that have become famous internationally. Since 2013 they have been touring across continental Europe and UK, as we can read in their detailed self-introduction on the web.

In their own words, Rev Rev Rev’s sound is influenced by first-wave shoegaze, as well as psychedelic rock, re-metabolizing these elements into a loud, woozy, fuzz-driven context. Their live sets comprise kaleidoscopic video projections waving with music, and the use of self-constructed stomp boxes, producing weird sounds.

Positive feedback so far include national and international recognition from national and international press and web zines (Clash music, Sounds better with reverb, Drowned in sound). Various singles were included in shoegaze compilations and sometimes crossed the border of alternative circles – notably, their 2014 song “Catching a buzz” was featured on Steve Lamacq's show on BBC 6 Radio.

The band took part in important events such as Cosmosis Festival 2016 in Manchester (headlined by The Jesus and Mary Chain, Brian Jonestown Massacre, The Raveonettes, just to name a few), followed by a nearly one-year tour of Europe.

The latter was a promotional tour for their last album, titled Des fleurs magiques bourdonnaient, a mesmerising work in which classical dreamy atmospheres blend with echoes of 70s psychedelia, desert rock and noise.

Rev Rev Rev’s line-up is:

Laura Iacuzio – vocals, bass, guitar

Sebastian Lugli – guitar

Andrea Dall'Omo – bass

Greta Benatti – drums

Rev Rev Rev’s music work is:

Rev Rev Rev, album, released October 2013

Catching a buzz, digital single EP, released October 2014

Des fleurs magiques bourdonnaient, album, released February 2016. The album went shortly sold-out and a repress was released in July.

Non-original, yet great material include:

Polar bear (Ride cover), released March 2015. The song is included in the tribute compilation to Ride Leave them all behind, appearing on The Blog That Blog That Celebrates Itself

TIGER! SHIT! TIGER! TIGER!

Punk-ish vocal melodies, guitars playing loud and straight, catchy rhythms: you can meet this power trio halfway between central Italy and USA.

Since their foundation in 2007 Tiger! Shit! Tiger! Tiger! has racked up hundreds of live dates in and out of Italy, bringing along their mighty sound.

USA has in fact become a second home-country as the band showcased its sharp first album (titled Be Yr Own Shit) in several successful performances overseas. They participated in New York CMJ Festival in 2008 and 2009, then reached Austin to take part in famous South By Southwest (SXSW) Festival (2010-2011).

Critical and public acclaim was so great that two tracks have been featured in Anglo-American movie soundtracks.

While TSTT have obviously lived and breathed American indie rock, noise and post-punk legends (Sonic Youth, Fugazi, Dinosaur jr., Sebadoh, Eric's Trip, Built to Spill, Modest Mouse, Pavement, Polvo, No Age, Thee Oh Sees are all quoted as their faves), an evolution in sound and arrangements can be seen in their last releases. Although their rebel heart has been kept, Forever Young and later Corners display slightly different sensibility, various approaches to song structure and a refined attitude towards harmony and vocals that won’t disappoint old and new noisy fans.

Tiger! Shit! Tiger! Tiger! line-up is:

Diego Masciotti - guitar, vocals

Giovanna Vedovati - bass

Nicola Vedovati - drums

Tiger! Shit! Tiger! Tiger! music work is:

Be Yr Own Shit, album, released 2008. The song The Architects of Despaired has been featured in Lee Madsen’s “Hated” OST (2010)

Whispers, EP, released 2010. The title-track is included in Richard Naylon’s “Music Land World” OST (2013)

Forever Young, album, released 2013

Corners, album, released 2017

MY INVISIBLE FRIEND

On the dreamy side of Italogaze we find this promising band formed in 2014 by four guys who grew up with Spiritualized, My Bloody Valentine and Cocteau Twins.

Started off with quite psychedelic, round, dark atmospheres, in 2016 My Invisible Friend have been shifting into a more mellow, classical dream pop attitude while maintaining their beloved psych-vibes alive.

As a result, their last release is nothing short of an elegant ode to entrancing sounds – that means fuzzy bass lines, liquid, bite guitar tones and a female/male voice taking us on a cathartic trip to harmony.

After touring Italy and France, in September 2017 the band left a cryptic message on their Facebook page. Their future is unclear, as we understand. We just hope this won’t mean a split – Italogaze needs more of their livid colours and dreaming voice.

My Invisible Friend’s line-up is:

Annalisa Rizzardi - bass, vocals

Cristian Macchia - guitars, vocals

Joe - guitars, vocals

Valentina Baldrighi - drums

My Invisible Friend’s music work is:

S/T EP, released September 2016

Green Sight, digital single, released 2015

My Invisible Friend, EP, released 2015

 ELECTRIC FLOOR

Electric Floor is an Italian duo formed in 2013. After experimenting with different alt-rock genres, the band settled as a shoegaze/new-synthwave project.

Their EP Fader is highly recommended to those who are longing for 80s tones and moods. With upfront dramatic voice, dance-y rhythm section and tons of dark synths, it clearly shows the duo’s love for new wave and electronic classics – both vintage and modern.

At the same time, however, typical distortion and reverb make the guitar sound closer to post-punk and shoegaze, creating a particular feature.

Actually for a year now Electric Floor’s release has been going well within the Italogaze world, as it received positive feedback from national and international reviewers, singles were featured in compilations and broadcast by various web radios.

The duo has recently launched their new single "I made it up" (out May 2018), which confirms their post-punk attitude to song-crafting combined with a deep interest in dance beats and atmospheres.

Electric Floor’s line-up is:

Emanuele Chiarelli – vocals, guitars, programming

Simone Costantino De Luca – programming, synth

Their music work is:

Fader, EP, released March 2017

I made it up, digital single, included in Chiaroscuro. Italogaze 2018, a compilation by various artists released May 2018 on Seashell Records and Vipchoyo Sound Factory.

 OUTRO

We hope you enjoyed this first volume of our quick guide to Italogaze. Look at the blog for the next ones.

[top10albums2020]

Goc O’Callaghan - Co-founder and Director of ArcTanGent and Founder of Ubiqu Live  ------------------

Albums (in no particular order) Caspian - On Circles What’s not to like about Caspian? Forever a band that write and perform outstanding music, that takes you on a journey with something of an emotional ride. Caspian have, on this album ,added a new dynamic with the from the cello of Jo Quail on ‘Ishmael’ and the vocals of Kyle Durfey (Pianos Become the Teeth) on the ‘Nostalgist’, making these two songs stand out songs on the album. A must listen.

CATALAN! - Veritas 14-tracks of danceable danceable post-punk, world music, written whilst touring around Europe but pulling influences from across the globe both musically and politically, interspersed with spoken word, Veritas is a heady mix of genres wonderfully thrown together in a party-vibe album. Ewen, brother of Rory Friers of ASIWYFA and part of the ASIWYFA touring crew, this is definitely worth a listen!

Beach Comber - Parting Cuts A personal project by Rory Friers (ASIWYFA) that was never intended for release recorded on the North Coast of Ireland. The musical twists and turns tell the story of traveling, trauma and keeping on. Influences from across the world are combined with the playing of instruments and vocals of friends and family, adding to the beauty of the album.

Phoxjaw - Royal Swan An album I had on repeat prior to the ATG live stream, and then even more so since! Full of energy, different yet somehow with a comfortable familiarity. This genre shifting album is tied together with Danny Garland’s distinctive voice and lyrics. As a Bristol band, Phoxjaw is another great band emerging from the South West that ate undoubtably going to see a tent full of people going absolutely mad for it at ATG 2021.

Zeal and Ardor - Wake of a nation Technically an EP but too good not to be included in my top 5 ‘albums’ of the year. This shows a slightly new direction for Zeal and Ardor, with more melodic, less intense stretches that there previously chain-smoke-blues-metal. This EP addresses the trials and tribulations of 2020 including the murder of George Floyd with some hard hitting lyrics both in the way they are written and in the delivery.

Vennart - In the dead, dead wood Written during lockdown and pulling bits pulled from the ‘never released’ archive, Vennart’s In the Dead, Dead Wood is another masterpiece. Adding some further depth to the album, Joe Lazarus is on drums, Charlie Barnes contributed the exquisite piano parts, and Ben Griffiths of Alpha Male Tea Party add some ‘beef’ to the base on a handful of tracks. As an Oceansize fan, maybe I’m biased, but this is another cracking album from Vennart.

Biffy Clyro - A Celebration of Endings Biffy Clyro’s work beyond Puzzle has been questionable in more ways than one but A Celebration of Endings harks back to older Biffy and in a mature way. ‘Balance, Not Symmetry’, the album soundtrack released last year, shouted early Biffy Clyro and it seems having the freedom to write something like that has opened up the creativity stream that links back to those early days. This album has unintentionally been on repeat since its release.

Katie Malco - Failures Beautifully confessional song writing with strong melodies throughout make this rather melancholic album weirdly upbeat The title of ‘Failures’ feels reflective of the experience had that have inspired this album, yet contrarily, it feels like this album may be the success of Katie Malco, launching her into the domain of being a leading folk, singer-song writer.  

Ólafur Arnold’s - Some kind of peace A beautifully vulnerable album which unlike his previous albums, is not a concept album, it is more a record that is a collection of songs that Arnold’s has written about this life experiences. The title, ‘Some Kind of Peace’ seems fitting; whether writing this album has offered Arnold’s peace or whether the music to the listener offers peace, in a wildly turbulent year, this album is very much needed. Collaborating with other musicians, Bonobo to name one, adds a new dynamic to this album.

Fiona Apple - Fetch The Bolt Cutters This should be a chaotic album with the amalgamation of handclaps, homemade instruments, whispers and all sort of other random interjections but some how it works. It’s by no means an easy first listen, yet somehow that peaks curiosity and makes you go back to listen again and again. It’s raw, it’s angry and it’s brilliant

3 Fave Tracks Of 2020: Biffy Clyro - Cop Syrup Katie Malco - Brooklyn Catalan! - There Are Bands

[boystownbirdie]

LMWTV4U: GOT S7E5

Welcome back! In case you’re new, this is “Let me watch TV 4 U,” the blog where I watch TV so you don’t have to. I’ll be recapping Game of Thrones, Season 7 Episode 5 and SPOILERS ABOUND SO PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

Tonight’s episode was titled “Eastwatch” but a more fitting title would have been “Don’t I know you from a few seasons ago?” If you’ve been following GoT for awhile, you might know that “unlikely alliances” is one of George R.R.R.R.R. Martin’s go-to-setups. He really gets off on taking 2 characters who are TOTAL OPPOSITES on paper and watching them learn to get along, just like the premise of all sitcoms. Well all of these unlikely pairs have been meeting, forming bonds, and saying goodbye for the past 7 seasons and NOW we’re apparently at the part where we have to watch them meet back up again. It kind of sounds like a kewl idea but idk about you, it just turns into a mess as a viewer because you have to remember how/when/where everyone met before. It’s like watching a livestream of a very tense high school reunion.

All that being said, some shit went DOWN tonight, so let’s go!

First of all, we get a new location on the map in the beginning, Eastwatch! If you’ll recall this is the place where Gingerbae (my fave wildling and #2 crush after Bae- Jon Snow) went to guard the wall at the behest of Bae a few eps ago.

Our first scene takes place right after last week’s epic dragon battle...

We learn that Jaime and Bronn are both still alive and we have to watch Jaime spit up seawater and I’m like who do you think you are, Euron Greyjoy?!? (lol that joke only works if you watched last season, sorry). Bronn is like dude, do you have a death wish? And Jaime is like kind of… cuz my sis Queen Pixie Cut (QPC) is a “shoot the messenger” type and now I have to tell her about all this dragon business.

Speaking of, we get some more hot-dragon-action (and I meant hot as in temp-wise, not sexual...yet...wait til Bae gets his fingers on a dragon). Tyrion is looking around at all the hell Khaleesi hath wrought and seems pretty sad about it. Remember he is a Lannister, so a lot of people who got burnt up were his home-bois.

He walks over to Khaleesi who has rounded up the surviving Lannisters and is looking FLY  AS HELL post-battle scene. Seriously, who does her hair? Probs a Dothraki cuz #goodatbraids. Khaleesi tells all the captured soldiers to kneel before her and declare loyalty to her or get killed. Sams mean dad (SMD) and Sam’s Bro Dickon (SBD) refuse to kneel because they’re #tooproudtobeg and Khaleesi is like, srsly guys? But they are truly #tooproud, so they both get burned up by the dragon, per Khaleesi’s orders. All of this is very not cool with Tyrion and he makes that pretty clear.

Next, we pop over to King’s Landing where Jaime is about to drop some #truth on QPC…

He tells her things are not looking so hot (or are they looking VERY HOT? Get it? Cuz dragons...sorry I’ll stop now) and that the Dothrakis (Khaleesi’s horse people) and dragons will kill them all. QPC suggests they hire mercenaries but Jaime is not feeling it. Then Jaime drops truth bomb #2 and tells QPC that he recently got the scoop that Grandma Tyrell admitted to killing their son Joffrey. See QPC was CONVINCED that Tyrion killed Joffrey which is what eventually led T to flock to #teamkhaleesi. Jaime is maybe able to convince her of this fact and that they might have to surrender to Khaleesi. She’s basically like well, damned if you do, damned if you don’t, ya know? The theme of this scene is TROUBLE IN PARADISE.

Now to the Bae-on-dragon action I promised…

Bae is waiting at the arrivals gate for Khaleesi and #1 dragon like a sad little chauffeur when Mr. Dragon lands right on his toes. Rather than giving Mr. Dragon a wide berth, he walks right up to him and TOUCHES HIS NOSE like he’s friggin’ Moana (Moana fans where you at?) Mr. D is like about to bite at first but then he’s like, naw, you’re cool. Probably because Bae is secretly a Targaryen and they’re all about dragons. Bae asks Khaleesi about her business trip and she’s like I TCOB’ed if that’s what you mean and says “sometimes strength is terrible” but that as leaders, they have to be strong.

Khaleesi then starts to ask Bae about the knife-in-the-heart comment that No-Knuckles (NK) made a few weeks ago and before Bae has to uncomfortably describe his weird Lazarus-situation to her, Stoney shows up, fresh off being cured of his stone disease by none other than Bae’s bestie Sam. The artist formerly known as Stoney (but let’s just keep calling him Stoney for now) is like will you still have me, Khaleesi? And she’s like DOI, OF COORS. And Bae is like oh I knew your dad he was a kewl dude he gave me this sword.

We get a brief interlude with everyone’s fave sooth-sayer, Brandon Stark! He hops into the eyeballs of some birds who fly North to get an update on the ice-zombie-army. As we all suspected, the ice zombies are CLOSER THAN EVER and headed to Eastwatch. This should not be a surprise because every time we check on them they’re just walking further South and unlike humans do not need to stop to eat or pee or get their hair intricately braided.

We pop into Oldtown, where Sam hears about Bran’s report. He tells all the other Maesters that they should listen to him but they, as always, are like naw this shit can’t be real. Also Maester-Jim-Broadbent is like BTW, Sam’s dad and bro just got burnt up but don’t say anything to him.

Back to Dragonstone…

Where  Tyrion and sleevey recap sam's dad and bro getting killed and agree that it was not cool, bro. Sleevey helpfully recalls a time when Khaleesi’s dad was always burning people alive. Sleevey reveals that Bae got a letter in the mail and yes, he did read it which is a FEDERAL OFFENSE, SLEEVEY! You can’t afford to go to prison!

Bae gets his hands on the letter from his bro Bran and learns A LOT. A. Bran is alive. B. Arya is alive. And C. The Night-King (leader of the ice zombies) is coming to Eastwatch. Again, this should be a surprise to no one. He talks things through with Khaleesi and co. to devise a plan and everyone has something to contribute, you guys! Here’s the plan

Tyrion will talk to his bro to try to convince him that ice zombies are real, who will then convince QPC.

NK will use his smugglin’ skills to smuggle T into King’s Landing (at this point it should really be Queen’s landing, right?)

Bae will head up north and capture an ice zombie to bring to everyone for proof. Stoney will use his battling skills to help with this.

Khaleesi is not about to let Bae go, though, probs cuz she wants more hot cave-action. But Bae is like sorry G2G!

Back in Winterfell and trouble is afoot!

Sansa is sitting at her in-charge-table and all the “Northern Lords” (although everyone’s fave 11-year-old-kween is nowhere to be seen) are still griping about Bae being down South with Khaleesi. Sansa doesn’t accept their offer to basically put her in charge, but she doesn’t defend Bae too much either. Arya, who was always besties with Bae when they were all kiddos, is not ok with that. She calls her out on it and notices that Sansa is staying in their mom and dad’s old room. She’s like ummm… you always liked nice things. Which is such a classic Winterfell-burn.

They chat and learn that they have very different views on uniting people and consolidating power. Arya is little more murder-y but Sansa is a little more scheme-y. Which better? IDK I haven’t read “The Art of War.” Basically, Arya knows that Sansa is still a bit power-hungry and calls her out on it. But I did read “Lean In” and I’m like, is that so bad?

Later, we pop back into King’s Landing where Arya is tailing Littlefinger cuz #shedontlikethelooksofthisguy, He’s being shady, as always, handing out poision, scheming with the Northern Lords, and then she sees the Maester give LF a piece of paper and she’s like oooohh I gotta get my hands on that. LF hides the paper in his room but, bitch, didn’t you know Arya is a trained assassin from the face-swapping-cult now?

She finds the paper which looks like this letter that Sansa wrote back in Season 1 when she was being forced by QPC. It’s basically her asking #teamStark to swear loyalty to Joffrey, all of which is irrelevant because most of Team Stark, along with Joffrey, is dead. Then we see LF behind the scenes looking all satisfied. Why you may ask? Well it seems like LF is trying to drive a wedge between the sisters by making Arya distrust Sansa even more. IDK I don’t condone violence but I really just want someone to stab LF.

Back to team Khaleesi, Tyrion and NK roll up on Queen’s Landing…

Tyrion reminds us all that the last time he was here, he killed his dad. NK is like well the last time I was here, you killed my son! You’d think there would be some sort of resolution with that but nope, NK was just throwing it out there! Tyrion heads off to see his bro and NK heads off on a secret mission that IS VERY CUTE, just wait and see.

Bronn sets up a meeting between Tyrion and Jaime, who haven’t seen each other since Jaime saved Tyrion from getting killed (per QPC and their dad’s orders). T proceeded to shoot their dad to death on the toilet, so Jaime is understandably a little peeved. Tyrion explains why he came and asks if Jaime could ask QPC if she might possibly be into checking out an ice zombie if they can get one. Jaime is still peeved but considers this helpful offer.

Meanwhile, we get a reunion of 2 of our faves, NK and Gendry!!!! So non-GoT-watchers, Gendry is this dude who is secretly the son of Robert Baratheon, QPC’s ex-hubby and the former king. Only a few ppl knew this, and to protect him from QPC, he got sent North to the wall with Arya. He and Arya developed a cute lil’ friendship and then he met up with some Lord-of-Light (LOL) worshippers, the same ones who the Hound (remember from ep 1 of this season) is now traveling with. Then the red witch lady came and took him to Stannis to have leeches eat his blood but before the red witch could kill him, NK set him free and sent him on a rowboat back to King’s Landing. So here we are…

They reunite and it’s adorbs, since Gendry is like thanks for saving my life, you were right I ended up being safe here. And NK is like oh good, so I have a favor to ask, will you come with us? It’s for- and before he can finish Gendry is like NP my bags are packed let’s go. And NK is like do you want more info...or… and Gendry is like nope this place is the pits, let’s go, lemme get my hammer. And I AM FEELING THIS HAMMER y’all, Gendry is basically Thor of GoT now. And he shall henceforth be known as New-Thor.

NK and New-Thor head to the boat to leave Queen’s Landing and encounter some guards who aren’t gonna let them off that easy. Just when they bribe their way out of there, Tyrion shows up and the guards are like...you look familiar? So New-Thor kindly uses his hammer and demolishes those dudes, leaving T and NK both stunned and impressed.

While we’re still at Queen’s Landing, we see Jaime knocking on QPC’s door, but she’s busy with Maester Qyburn, having some deep discussion. We also learn Qyburn is the hand-of-the-queen (did we know this before? It was news to me). Jaime is like what we’re y’all talking about, and QPC is like I’m sorry, HIPAA, I can’t tell you. Then she tells him that she knows he met with Tyrion and that he should punish Bronn for setting that up. She also hints that she’s willing to do a collab with Khaleesi but then she’s like “we will defeat whatever stands in our way” which doesn’t sound very collab-y to me.

Then, in a major reversal, SHE DROPS A TRUTH BOMB ON HIM and tells him she’s PREGNANT and the baby is HIS. He is shook but also very happy because he loves her a lot. He’s like who you gonna say knocked you up? And she’s like it’s 2017, bitch, I’ll say it was my twin bro cuz #hatersgonnahate. Do we believe she is really preggo? I do not. Classic desperation move when you see your man starting to slip away. But nonetheless he is happy about it so there’s that.

Next, we head back to Dragonstone...

Where Bae meets New-Thor in Bae’s fave place, a cave! They reminisce about how their dads were friends and New-Thor calls out Bae on being a little shorty-pie. We think Bae is gonna be like “ah hell naw” but instead he’s like LOL you’re right bro. New-Thor offers to head North with Bae to kill some ice-zombies with his hammer. NK is a little peeved because he told New-Thor not to tell anyone who his dad was and not to get himself into trouble. NK’s like well don’t mind me, I only lived to be an old man so what do I know about surviving? It’s a very cute scene and it all plays out like a dad playfully chastising his sons for picking a college that’s too far away.

On the shore we get some goodbyes. Tyrion and Khaleesi both say goodbye to Stoney and Khaleesi is especially sappy about it. Then she says goodbye to Bae, who is busy loading up his boats with zombie-killing-rocks from the caves. She’s like, so…I’ll call you next week? And Bae’s like umm….maybe? But you know they’re both fighting the urge to pop into a cave for a quick makeout sesh.

Next, we see Sam and Gilly in Oldtown reading books…

Gilly happens upon the MOST IMPORTANT INFO EVER in a book, which Sam, in a very-un-Sam-like way, completely ignores. It’s infuriating. Basically she finds out that Bae’s real parents, Rhaegar Targaryen (Khaleesi’s bro) and Lyanna Stark (Daddy Stark’s sis) were legit married when she had Bae, which means he is the ONE-TRUE-HEIR to the iron throne or whatevs. Sam, however, is too peeved about the Maesters not listening to him (or Bran for that matter) and gathers up some of the best books in the library (and he is in for the late fee OF A CENTURY cuz you know he won’t return ‘em) and heads out of there.  It’s a frustrating scene. I just..can’t...

Finally, we make it to Eastwatch...

Where we get to check in with Gingerbae my #2 boo. Bae tells him the plan to trap the ice zombie and bring it back as proof and Gingerbae is like you are cuckoo. NK is there to confirm that yes, Bae is cuckoo, and no, he’s not going North with them. But on the docket we do have New-Thor with his hammer and Stoney with his un-stoned-hands and arms to help! Gingerbae is like well I know some other dudes who want to get up there...cut to…

The Hound and his LOL-ers Eyepatch and Gingerbun (am I the only one who finds Gingerbun kind of attractive?) are in Eastwatch-prison, doing a very poor version of Cellblock Tango from Chicago, the musical. This is the scene where the whole-don’t-I-know-you-from-somewhere gets really messy. No need to dive into all of it, the point is, these people have HISTORY with eachother. But Bae reminds them that since they’re all humans and not zombies, they’re on the same side. So they head out into the deep, cold, winter to trap and ice zombie. And we’re left there.

Let’s recap:

Biggest surprise this ep: QPC IS PREGNANT?!?!?!

Biggest letdown: Seriously Sam. You could not listen to the most important news ever because you were distracted?

Important fashion moments: Khaleesi lookin’ so fly fresh out of battle, Sansa is really rocking those fitted armor gowns

Who died this ep? Sam’s Bro Dickon (RIP) and Sam’s Mean Dad 

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