#and lapis is just chilling with who is probably the one gem who is less likely to fuse with anyone let alone her

[soulless-bex]

peridot and lapis are platonic partners and i will take no criticism

[dogcopter]

Dogcopter Appearance Masterlist

thank you to resources SU Wiki Dogcopter and Dogcopter/Gallery, and Steven Says wiki transcript searcher

This is just a list of Dogcopter appearances in SU, not analysis. One or two may surprise you!

Dogcopter episode appearances

Lars and the Cool Kids

Lion 2

Some people say ‘You can't teach an old dog new tricks’... Unless you're Dogcopter 3, in 3D! This February, the fur hits the fan!

Steven: Whoah, I can see why this is your favorite film franchise. Connie: That's right! In a world where humanity is pushed to the brink, it turns out that the one who is most human, is a dog! Copter. Steven: and did you see where that missile came out of? Connie: Heh, yeah. I just hope it stays faithful to the book. 

Amethyst: Oh, that's easy! Who needs to go see movies when you’ve got magic?

Steven: I'm sorry! I ruined everything, didn't I? I don't know why you hang out with me. I mess stuff up all the time. Connie: I don't know why you hang out with me! I'm so much more less interesting than you! And obviously you have some sort of magical destiny. Why would you even care about something like Dogcopter? Steven: Why?! Because it's Dogcopter! He's a dog, and a helicopter, and a cop! He shoots missiles out of his butt, and he's gonna save the world! Dogcopter is very cool and important to me. Connie: Well, I'm no Dogcopter.

Keep Beach City Weird 

Dogcopter 3 SUX April 23, 2014

I saw Dogcopter 3 in 3D tonight and all I have to say is WOOF!  

First of all, it’s a huge mistake to turn the last Dogcopter book into THREE movies.  Yes, the last book is over 900 pages, but there’s not enough story!  And the 3D was completely unnecessary.  If I wanted to see butt missiles flying at my face, I’d feed a dog some bottle rockets and put on a pair of safety goggles.

Dogcopter is supposed to be an uncompromising look at the military-industrial-pet complex, not “fun”!  Fun is the worst.

Also, if you live in the Delmarva area - do not see it at the Beach City Cineplex.  The parking lot is a mess!  Probably from a bunch of angry Dogcopter fans rioting.  Ugh, I’m going to see this 3 more times to make sure I hate it.

Tags: dogcopter 3 in 3D keep beach city weird kbcw

-

Lion 3

Dogcopter: I win. Steven: Oh, what? That was a good move! Dogcopter: Thanks. Steven: Dogcopter. How do you do it? Dogcopter: How do I do what? Steven: I mean, what's your secret? How'd you get so talented? Dogcopter: Don't focus so much on talent, Steven. Making art is all about communication. A piece of art is a conversation. Every choice you make, is a statement.

Continued under cut

Dogcopter: Don't worry about labels, or conforming to a standard. Just be true to yourself, and people will appreciate your honesty. Steven: Woah. Thanks for the advice. Dogcopter: And take a deep breath. Steven: What?

suworkbook wrote a brilliant piece of meta around this dream

Steven: Here again? I don't know what this place is but it feels... familiar. Why can't I breathe? Wait a minute... Lion! Lion, my face is not your bed! What's going on with you?

Chille Tid

Steven: Whoa. Dogcopter! Mr. Copter! Sir! I'm one of your biggest fans, can I please have your autograph? Dogcopter: (meows) Steven: Mr. Copter, please! Steven: Hey wait! Where are you going?! Steven: I hope the rumors about Dogcopter in the tabloids aren't true. Steven: Huh? Oh! Hey, Pearl! Steven: Wait! Don't eat me! Steven: Oh, man! Thanks for the upgrade, Pearl! Now I can catch up with Dog— Steven: Woah, Amethyst? Steven: Hmm... This is... getting really weird. Lapis: This is weird. Steven: Hey, that sounds a lot like— Lapis: Steven! Steven: Lapis Lazuli! Lapis: Steven, what are you doing in here?

Keep Beach City Weird

KEEP BEACH CITY SPOILER FREE January 04 2016

Hey weirdos!  For the past few months, I’ve done something unprecedented - I’ve stayed off the internet.

It was hard but I had to do because I’ve been trying to stay SPOILER FREE for the movie event of the new millennium!  This December was the revival of one of the most famous sci-fi franchises in the world.  Yep, you know what I’m talking about: DOGCOPTER.

So for three months, I sequestered myself from all internet communications.  I handed over my laptop and my phone to my little bro, Peedee, and ordered him to bury them in an undisclosed location in the deserts of New Mexico.

I think he just put them in the walk-in freezer at the fry shop.  

I won’t lie, it was hard.  But I calmed my nerves by reacquainting myself with the “Young Adult Conspiracy” section at my local library.  And instead of getting in arguments with internet trolls, I got in real life arguments!  With my dad!

And after months of avoiding and spoilers or teasers or trailers, I was in line for Dogcopter 4, and then some dummy walking out of the theater TOTALLY SPOILED EVERYTHING and was like, “I can’t believe that Dogcopter’s parents are actually cats.”  

Ug!  I hope you’ve seen the movie because that’s pretty much the big ending.  Dogcopter dies defending the planet but then he comes back to life because he’s actually part cat and cats have 9 lives.  Anyway, the movie was pretty much ruined.  So now I’m back.  Spoilers are the worst.

Tags: Keep Beach City Weird Dogcopter

-

Fun fact if you invert this poster and adjust the contrast a bit, some odd diagram in the back appears:

Steven’s Birthday

Amethyst: What are you doing? Steven: Well uh...What are YOU doing? Greg: What are YOU doing to your body? Amethyst: Woah, woah, woah, have you been stretching yourself out all day? Steven: No! I was just... slouching. Greg: Why are you doing this? It... really isn't like you. Steven: Because, Dad, I can't stay a kid forever, when Connie grows up and becomes president what is that gonna make me? First Boy!? Amethyst: Steven, you can't just keep stretching forever. If you hold it too long, you could really hurt yourself. Steven: Yeah well, I'm half human so maybe it works different for me, we'll just have to wait and see, right? Greg: Steven...

Connie: That one's... "Canis helicopterus". Steven: Uh-uh, "Helicopterus"? Connie: Yeah, Dogcopter, get it? Now you make one up! Steven: Okay, um, That one's, uh, snake constellation. Connie: That's... pretty good. Are you okay? It looks like you're gonna throw up. Steven: Oh yeah, everything's fine!  Connie: Okay... that's good. You know, to be honest, I was a little worried before. This might sound silly, but I'm really glad that I'm going to get to grow up with you. Connie: ...Steven? Steven! What's going on? What happened? Connie: We were just talking then all of a sudden- Pearl: He turned back into a baby?! Connie: YES!

Keep Beach City Safe

DOGCOPTER 4: ALL DOGS GO TO WAR Jan 5 2016

Dogcopter 4 has finally been released! All Dogs Go to War!

I’ve been dying to see this movie for age, but I never had the time. I’ve been so busy with my blog and picking the perfect present for Steven. I’ve watched all the other Dogcopter Movies, but I haven’t had time to watch this one. But now I have a little free time to do something. After I watch it I won’t spoil it for the rest of you. I’m gonna be a Smart Spoiler and drop hints in my post for you guess. Only those who have watched it will notice the clues. Yep, watching it 9 times.

#Dogcopter 4 #Steven's Birthday Present #Dogcopter Movies #Smart Spoiler

Same Old World

Lapis: So, what does happen in Empire City? Steven: Well, let's see. If you lived here, you could get a cool apartment, and be a single Gem taking on the big city. You'll have a fun job at a local coffee shop and come home to a wacky roommate... Lapis: I have no idea what you're talking about. Steven: Awww.

Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service

Steven: I'll take care of this! Kiki: Steven, be careful! Steven: Don't worry about me! Anything is possible when you have... rockets for bones! Kiki: Steven, that was so brave! Steven: Well, it's cheddar than nothing.

Steven: Oh, hey, Dogcopter. Dogcopter: (meows) Steven: See ya, dream Kiki! Kiki: Oh, okay. See you, dream Steven! Steven: Dream Steven!

Little Homeschool

Steven: Sadie's been touring with The Suspects, promoting their new album, and Connie has been getting a head start on college prep. She's two years away from applying, but she says it doesn't hurt to start early. Steven: And speaking of higher education, Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl and I have been cooking up a dream of our own! Cherry Quartz: I have no idea who you're talking about.

Snow Day

Amethyst: Guess what we've got lined up tonight. "Pupcopter's Sky-High Adventure"! Pearl: Sheet masks with cute animal faces! Garnet: And, most importantly, pizza. Steven: Uh, guys, I've been a vegetarian for, like, a month, and "Pupcopter" is for 6-year-olds, and I have my own skin care routine. Anyways, it's cool. I already ate.  Amethyst: Oh well. We'll just watch the movie with Cat Steven. Garnet: My bad. I was sure we were in the pepperoni timeline.

In Dreams

Dogcopter: (flies away) Stefan: Noooo!

Together Forever

Lion: (roars) Connie: Huh? Steven: Hey, Connie! How you doin'? Connie: Steven? What are you doing here? Steven: You're gonna have a fifteen-minute break in...two minutes, right? Connie: Whoa! Spot on. Steven: Connie, let's go for a walk. I'm sure you could use some fresh air. Connie: I would love to! But um... Steven: No, no, no! Don't worry! We'll go with Lion, and I promise you'll be back in fifteen minutes! Connie: Okay! Let's do this!

Growing Pains

Drew: I know you're eager to chase the mail truck, Dogcopter. But the mail truck is a decoy. Good boys chase the blue car. Be a good boy, Dogcopter. Drew: Nice work, DC! Now get the bomb off the bridge! We're almost out of time! Drew: Dogcopter! No! Drew: Dogcopter, I can't lose you. Drew: Is this... what I think it is?

Announcer: Dogcopter 6: Till Death Do We Bark: I Now Pronounce You Man And Woof! Steven: Everyone's getting married but me! Ugh! I feel like poop.

[stevenuniversallyreviews]

Episode 114: Steven’s Dream

“But you don’t deserve that, do you?”

The dream is simple. We fade in to three flowers blowing in the wind. When Steven falls asleep again, we add a broken pink palanquin, and a trill of the signature Diamond music, but that’s it. None of the disorienting mix of the sleeping and waking worlds of Lion 3, none of the nightmares of Chille Tid, none of the lucid mastery of Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service, just a few calm moments before waking up in tears. But of all the episodes about our slumbering hero, this is the one that’s called Steven’s Dream.

To me, the initial sensation was similar to nearing the end of Order of the Phoenix and, after hearing Voldemort’s view of Dumbledore many times over the course of the series, seeing that the next chapter was called The Only One He Ever Feared. This episode uses our knowledge of the past to set the bar high from the title alone, but unlike the Harry Potter chapter, it pulls the rug out from under us by making the dream the catalyst instead of the subject.

In the same way Mirror Gem spends its entire ominous runtime preparing us to meet Lapis Lazuli, Steven’s Dream is an eleven minute introduction to Blue Diamond. Both episodes develop a sense of foreboding with little hint of what’s to come, both give us a little bit of fun to lull us into a sense of ease before jolting us back into the mystery, both pit the Crystal Gems as opponents of sorts to Steven, and both have that wonderful pacing where the third act takes up half the episode so we have room to breathe. Mirror Gem has the advantage of blindsiding us with our first new Gem (and has a slower, eerier burn), but Steven’s Dream uses characters with eighty-six extra episodes of development to sell a mystery that our hero is actively trying to solve.

The most obvious way Steven’s Dream builds dread are the tears. It’s a device that works again and again and again on this show, especially when Steven is the one affected: his face is rarely sad when they come, and they’re huge without devolving into silly water spurts, so despite the empathy tears might otherwise bring, it’s instead an unsettling omen of danger, like the crocodile’s clock. Combined with the brevity of the first dream, the stark opening of the episode thrusts us into the emotional space that fills the next arc.

But we also get Pearl and Garnet providing more explicit concern. Pearl tries changing the subject, but when push comes to shove she covers her mouth for the second time since we were first told that Rose shattered Pink. While this and other acts of self-censorship become clearer after A Single Pale Rose, at this point we still know it’s in character for her to be uncomfortable about certain elements of the war; even going back to Ocean Gem, she’s hesitant to reveal that not all Gems were “good.”

More surprising is Garnet, to the point where Steven mentions how unusual it is for her to so openly obfuscate. She has her mysterious streak, sure, but she’s been blunt and honest for a while now, and was the Crystal Gem who confirmed the story of Pink Diamond. Estelle gets a terrific showcase here, giving full weight to Garnet’s fear while providing levity as she gets frustrated for making the secret sound more enticing.

This is my favorite kind of hint: the one you could feasibly suss the truth out of if you pause the episode and think about it, but is clear as day in retrospect. We’ve seen Garnet freeze in Keeping It Together, and we’ve seen her afraid in the lead-up to The Return, and both incidents involve Homeworld. The “her” in question could be Yellow Diamond, but The Answer showed us Garnet’s relationship with Blue Diamond. It just doesn’t click until we see the blue palanquin, and Garnet’s explanation after Greg’s abduction makes her resignation to fate all the sadder on rewatch.

(The movie where cows are abducted is a clearer hint in a show that’s all about foreshadowing through television screens, but I still didn’t see Blue Diamond coming.)

Amethyst, who was born long after the war and has little to contribute besides a joke and a great reaction shot, sorta sides with Steven at first, but soon falls into the background to enjoy the show. That’s three for three in terms of Gems not helping Steven find the truth, and for the first time since the revelation, he finally gets mad at them. I appreciate so much that it’s not played as a childish temper tantrum but an airing of legitimate grievances: he was already lied to by omission for ages, which he managed to forgive the Gems for, but past deception makes this new secret too much to handle. As Amethyst says, he deserves to know the truth he’s asking for, but he doesn’t get it. The irony is that another character deserves something he doesn’t ask for, but he gets it anyway.

In the words of Blue Diamond herself, Greg Universe should not be doomed on a dying world. True, the world isn’t actually dying, but given the information available, her judgment was sound. And part of the reason why is that, in stark contrast to the three Gems, the three named human characters we see in the episodes are helpers. Connie brings Buddy’s journal and is nothing but encouraging, and while the Universes could’ve afforded a plane ticket, Uncle Andy is the one who flies them to Korea. When the truth hits too close to home for the Gems, humans step up to the plate, and it’s such a powerful way to showcase the value of Steven’s mixed heritage.

But the more general reason Greg deserves to live is that he’s the best of us. Steven talks to him about Pink Diamond before we even get to the Gems, and to me it evokes that pivotal moment where it’s Greg, the human side of Steven’s family, who reveals that the Gems were invaders in The Return. In both conversations, Greg drives home that the past was a long time ago, and that he didn’t judge Rose or push her to talk about things she was uncomfortable with. It might not be helpful for Steven’s fact-finding hunt, but it shows that Greg’s priorities were straight and he values caring about others more than anything.

(I do wonder, though. Greg says here that Rose seemed to want to confess everything, but he said it didn’t matter. I guess we’ll never know just how much of the truth she was willing to confess.)

And of course, Greg is the one who accompanies Steven to Korea. This is a story that wouldn’t work without his wealth explaining their ability to take a tour, but goofy asides about watches aside, what’s more important is that Greg sticks up for his son and encourages his curiosity, even when it’s scary (and yeah, seeing an animator drawing you is probably pretty scary). He’s nervous about closing in on the secret, but trusts Steven enough to follow through. And it all leads to Greg meeting his sister-in-law.

The hints of our interloper’s identity grow more obvious as we close in; the “Please” sign in Pearl’s script shows us we’re close to something, but the blue palanquin raises more specific warning bells before we finally hear a new voice.

Lisa Hannigan is not like Susan Egan, Patti LuPone, or Christine Ebersole. For starters, she’s the only Diamond voice without an American accent. But something less noticeable from the episode alone is that she’s the only Diamond voice who hasn’t been on Broadway; Hannigan isn’t an actress of stage or screen, but a singer through and through, with just one voice acting role prior to Steven Universe (in the excellent Song of the Sea). This is is a different type of performer, but Blue is a different kind of Diamond: where her sisters each adapted in their own way in the aftermath of Rose’s rebellion, Blue never found a defense mechanism to distract herself, so she’s consumed at all times by grief.

Comparing Hannigan to LuPone in particular is inevitable, as they’re the first two Diamonds we meet (at least the first two that we know are Diamonds) and they’re such a stark contrast. Hannigan’s otherworldly voice, capable of soothing sorrow and icy rage, is a radical departure from LuPone’s sheer power. It’s something that becomes even clearer when they share the same screen, but for now, Blue’s melancholy sets her apart not only from Yellow but from Garnet’s depiction of the cruel overlord we saw in The Answer. We know at this point that the Diamonds have done horrible things, but Blue Diamond humanizes them in a way Yellow Diamond has only hinted at.

Greg and Blue’s exchange is a somber, touching, chilling affair. While there’s a certain level of comfort humans in this universe have with weird alien stuff compared to how we might act, Greg is especially tuned to be casual in this scenario; he may address this giant woman as “your highness,” but he’s otherwise speaking as a peer. As in Mr. Greg, we get a rare moment of him mourning Rose aloud, in a way that shows how often he really is thinking of her. But as we saw in Three Gems and a Baby, he’s able to work through it by pouring that love into Steven, and the person Blue Diamond was most likely to pour love into is the one she lost.

As the eerie Diamond harmonette drones, we see more and more of Blue beyond her hunched form. First her arm raises, then she straightens her back, then we see the bottom of her face, before she finally turns to face Greg (and us); each stage is brought about by conversation with Greg, and her wonder at his ability to relate with her. While the talk seems to be going well, the music erupts as Blue snatches Greg, rises to her full, terrifying height, and reveals her ship: not a hand, but an entire arm. 

Even as she’s humanized, we see glimpses of the tyrant Garnet told us of, and that we’ll see more of in the future. Her soft bewilderment comes from a place of superiority, and she treats Greg as an animal to be saved even as he protests. She does care, but through the lens of absolute authority over her pearl and lesser races. It comes across as tolerance rather than true empathy, and that exact sort of cold half-affection was a major factor in Pink’s resentment of her older sisters.

And poor Steven, who tried to stop Greg from even approaching the situation, can’t do a thing to stop his only remaining parent from being taken. His floating is powered by happy feelings, and there just aren’t enough of those to reach a rocketing spaceship. Garnet’s rescue may seem convenient, but her frantic apology and explanation absolves her in my mind: on top of being scared out of her wits, she was trying to prevent a future where everyone got taken.

The cliffhanger is more of a call to action than a cut to black, and the episode does “resolve” in its own way: we wanted to know what Steven was dreaming about, and we certainly found out. The tragedy is that Steven was right to be curious, and Greg was right to be kind, and both are punished for it. Greg is mature enough to not assign blame for his abduction, but this is rocket fuel for Steven’s ever-growing martyr complex. One day Steven will be happy again, but he’s never quite the same after this nightmare of an encounter. 

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

I compared this episode to Mirror Gem, which is my favorite lore episode of the series. While Steven’s Dream doesn’t rank quite as high due to the glut of other terrific episodes, it still squeezes into my top twenty for now.

Top Twenty

Steven and the Stevens

Hit the Diamond

Mirror Gem

Lion 3: Straight to Video

Alone Together

Last One Out of Beach City

The Return

Jailbreak

The Answer

Mindful Education

Sworn to the Sword

Rose’s Scabbard

Earthlings

Mr. Greg

Coach Steven

Giant Woman

Beach City Drift

Winter Forecast

Bismuth

Steven’s Dream

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon

Bubble Buddies

Tiger Millionaire

Lion 2: The Movie

Rose’s Room

An Indirect Kiss

Ocean Gem

Space Race

Garnet’s Universe

Warp Tour

The Test

Future Vision

On the Run

Maximum Capacity

Marble Madness

Political Power

Full Disclosure

Joy Ride

Keeping It Together

We Need to Talk

Chille Tid

Cry for Help

Keystone Motel

Catch and Release

When It Rains

Back to the Barn

Steven’s Birthday

It Could’ve Been Great

Message Received

Log Date 7 15 2

Same Old World

The New Lars

Monster Reunion

Alone at Sea

Crack the Whip

Beta

Back to the Moon

Kindergarten Kid

Buddy’s Book

Gem Harvest

Three Gems and a Baby

Like ‘em

Gem Glow

Frybo

Arcade Mania

So Many Birthdays

Lars and the Cool Kids

Onion Trade

Steven the Sword Fighter

Beach Party

Monster Buddies

Keep Beach City Weird

Watermelon Steven

The Message

Open Book

Story for Steven

Shirt Club

Love Letters

Reformed

Rising Tides, Crashing Tides

Onion Friend

Historical Friction

Friend Ship

Nightmare Hospital

Too Far

Barn Mates

Steven Floats

Drop Beat Dad

Too Short to Ride

Restaurant Wars

Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service

Greg the Babysitter

Gem Hunt

Steven vs. Amethyst

Bubbled

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack

Together Breakfast

Cat Fingers

Serious Steven

Steven’s Lion

Joking Victim

Secret Team

Say Uncle

Super Watermelon Island

Gem Drill

Know Your Fusion

Future Boy Zoltron

No Thanks!

     6. Horror Club      5. Fusion Cuisine      4. House Guest      3. Onion Gang      2. Sadie’s Song      1. Island Adventure

[twitchesandstitches]

Crossthicc AU - base roster!

The fleet was originally a meeting of several smaller groups that joined together for survival, hit it off well, and opted to remain together indefinitely. They met some other groups, and over time, added more and more, and have reproduced and brought in more people until they have hit their current size.

Note that with the use of longevity treatments, the crew is a lot older than they look; some of them, otherwise normal humans, may be hundreds of years old. The fleet itself may possibly be that old, too.

These original groups include:

A group of humans called the Neon Deathclaws, comprising a number of characters from Total Drama Island, reimagined as Vault Hunter-style mercenaries and treasure hunters from an obscure human world. Their leader, a team mom and fangirl called Sierra, is the wielder of the Gestat and the champion of the fleet as a whole. Her fellow mercs include: Lindsay (mega-busty friendly ditz who’s smarter than she lets on), Leshawna (Mom-Friend and emotional tank), Jasmine (wasteland survivalist who likes extreme conditions far too much), Courtney (founder of fleet logistics on the grounds that SOMEONE has to), Gwen (in a relationship with Courtney and doing really badly at not being amazed at their strange adventures), Crimson (actually IS good at not being perturbed by weirdness) and many others who are in less adventurous positions. Since TDI has so many characters, a lot of their positions are unclear; go ahead and ask me if you want clarification on where someone may or may not be.

Sierra herself is, in a sense, the ‘star’ of the fic, or at least a central fixture. She is responsible for how the fleet can exist in the first place, and her mysterious magical artifact and newfound powers allow them to do things like periodic FTL travel and create the superpowers that let them reshape themselves as they please. She is the ultimate mom-friend and overly excited to mass produce tons of babies with every conceivable form of sapient life; if a named character exists and has any interest in potentially having children, assume Sierra has a crush on them and, with her complete lack of restraint, already had a dozen children with them. She does not know what a chill is.

The Expedition Hive Explorers, incorporating several of the trolls from Homestuck. As trolls are considered caretakers of humans here, they hit it off well with the Neon Deathclaws, becoming fast friends. Led by Terezi Pyrope, who uses her mental powers and prophetic abilities to help guide them through the planes of magic when doing FTL jumps, and she has also managed to incorporate the powers of all other troll castes into her; rust telekinesis, bronze animal communion, yellow psionics, whatever it is limes do, jade vampire-ness, cerulean mind control, purple mind alteration and influences, and the sea dweller ability to breath underwater, with a combined physical power of all castes. She hopes to one day work out how to do this for all other trolls and make them all as powerful as her.

There is some evidence that Terezi and several of her friends (as well as Vriska Serket, a rival of hers that leads a pirate fleet) are incarnations of ancient gods embodying concepts essential to the universe, such as Time, Space, and so forth, with Terezi embodying Mind. By adventuring, they may find a way to fully reclaim their lost power and ascend to true godhood, and work out how this happened to them in the first place.

Other trolls in the group include: Karkat Vantas (Terezi’s sidekick, boytoy and dance battler), Equius Zahhak (engineer and professional Sensible Guy), Feferi Peixes (biotech enthusiast, spooky medic and founder of the fleet’s medical specialists), Nepeta Leijon (monster hunter and cute patoot), Konyyl Okimaw, Bronya Ursama, Chahut Maenad, and many other trolls, at least a hundred. Several ancient trolls originally hailing from the troll’s lost homeworld, Beforus, have since joined up, most notably the Disciple, Dolorosa and the Handmaid following adventures when they were met.

The Awakened Ancient Autobots. A group of Autobots who survived the destruction of their homeworld and the persecutions by the wicked Decepticon Empire, searching for the missing Optimus Prime and seeking to honor his dream of a just society where all are free to choose their own fate. Led mainly by Grimlock and Elita-1, in a ‘Grimlock is their champion, Elita-1 is their military icon’, but also including a number of other important figures. This includes several sub-teams, including the Dinobots (of them, Swoop, Sludge and Snarl are hyper thicc amazon fembots) are female here, the Technobots (children of the Dinobots, all fembots here), the Raptoricons (maybe?), the Torchbearers, and perhaps the Monsterbots, who are most likely fembots in their robot modes. Individual Transformers include Blackarachnia (the Beast Wars version, with emphasis on the science-y), Arcee (Prime continuity, with some IDW), Strongarm from RID2016, as well as a collection of minor characters retooled to fit this AU, as well as the Maximals from Beast Wars who appeared in the toyline but not the series proper, and generally fembots here as well.

With the use of special powers by studying ancient relics of religious significance to Cybertron, most of the fleet’s Autobots have been modified so they can adopt new alt forms on the fly, even maintaining a stock of up to seven different forms they can switch up freely, though it is physically stressful to do so. Not all of them choose to do so; for instance, Grimlock prefers his T-Rex mode and while he can transform into a monster truck, tank and bomber plane, he really hates that. Beastformers like him or the other Dinobots instead adopt additional beast forms or ‘inbetween’ humanoid beast forms. Sludge of the Dinobots, for instance, can transform into a ferocious Spinosaurus in addition to her native Apatosaurus mode, and goes by Scorn in this state.

The flipside of all that is that any given Transformer can turn into whatever vehicles are required by their friends.

The final group was originally a rock band led by the last free Diamond of the Gem homeworld; the Gems, a species of sapient stones that process magical energy and that can manifest this magic into female-presenting light bodies measuring more than dozens of feet tall, had a long-standing conflict with the Transformers of Cybertron, culminating in a massive war between the Decepticon Empire and Homeworld. When it ended, Homeworld had ceased to exist, all surviving Gems had scattered to the stars, and all the Diamonds were imprisoned as living ornaments upon the claws of the Decepticon’s Emperor of Destruction, Lord Megatron. All, that is, save the Diamond that had been made wrong: Pink Diamond.

She had already left her fellow matriarchs after growing weary of their suffocating control and, to her, appalling treatment of all life that was not themselves, becoming a wander among the stars along with those of her court that proved loyal to her, as well as defectors from other Diamond courts that believed in her vision. AFter the fall of Homeworld, they hid their nature as Gems, living many thousands of lives as aliens, and in one such life time, Pink Diamond, now calling herself Rose Quartz after the protectors of her court she so wanted to be rather than a living goddess, met a human musician named Greg Universe who inspired her to start up a musical band with her closest Gem friends, and she fell in love with him, eventually having a child with him and surviving the process by gestating a new Gem within herself, though at the cost of effectively maiming her own Gem. Thanks to the power of the Gestat, her Gem has been restored, and all Gems with her have been granted the ability to gestate Gems by simply devouring mineral deposits, and the Gem population has exploded with this gift.

Even small Gems stand nearly thirty feet tall, and Rose’s true size is unknown; it is speculated that as a Diamond, she may actually be many hundreds of feet tall, or even planet sized, but she typically suppresses her power. Gems can fuse into more powerful composite forms, growing ever larger, and Rose can fuse with her Crystal Gems to become the mighty Obsidian, who along with the combiner form of the Dinobots, Volcanicus, are the heaviest hitters of the fleet. They’re also friendly rivals to boot. Apart from those, Rose has her loyal Gems (Ruby and Sapphire, who are NOT perma-fused here most of the time, Pearl, Bismuth, Jasper, Amethyst, LApis Lazuli, and Peridot), as well as a wide number of other Gems that either came with her or have gathered to her cause over the years. Additionally, Rose’s human lover Greg is quasi-immortal thanks to her efforts, and her now grown up son Steven has brought the family of his wife Connie (a statuesque, hyper curvy warrior in the likes of Rose herself) into their band, include Connie’s mother Priyanka.

Together, these four groups and their representatives - Sierra, Terezi, Grimlock, and Rose Quartz - founded a small interstellar caravan of all their respective families and friends, traveling through space in hopes of finding a new homeland for them all. They’ve made many friends over the centuries since, with more people being added to the fleet or being absorbed into it, and most of the newcomers being born into the fleet thanks to the many perpetually gravid mother-champions.

Smash Bros characters will definitely come into things eventually but I’m currently imagining them as their own entirely separate fleet but they’re closely allied and fully integrated with one another. Of those, Palutena, Rosalina, Samus Aran, Kumatora (as an Earthbound character, anyway) and some others would be involved. As would be Urbosa and the Gerudo as a whole.

Battleborn would probably be in this somewhere but I haven’t quite worked them out as yet? Perhaps not as crew members, but definitely people they know/meet/run into, as well as setting relevant events.

Some characters from different series who have likely joined the fleet on their own or do not have a definite origin in mind yet (or I like them but don’t have much information about their series proper) include: Cattleya (Queen’s Blade), Tifa Lockhart and Lulu (Final Fantasy), Princess Bubblegum (Adventure Time), Katara, Toph Bei Fong, Mai, and Korra (Avatar The LAst Airbender and Legend of Korra), Symmetra, Pharah, Bastion, Orisa, Zenyatta, Mei Ling Zhou and many Omnics (Overwatch), Hinata Hyuga, Mei Terumi and Konan (Naruto), Tsuyu, Mina Ashido and lots of other Quirky heroes (BNHA).

There are many species represented within the fleet, descended from individual who joined up and had scores of children. While by no means comprehensive, here is a small list of a number of species to join up in notable numbers: Asari, Krogan, Geth, Quarians and Turians, from the more well-established worlds.

Orcs, Eldar and other space-faring versions of common fantasy races, and serving as a combination of various series’ takes on those beings. Orcs, for instance, are a combination of Warhammer 40k’s Orks with the more benign aspects of Warcraft’s orcs. The Eldar are mainly a mixture of the Eldar from 40k and with the general attitude of Tolkien’s elves (with bustlines proportionate to their magical powers). Sci-fi versions of Tauren, Draenei and goblins (hyper buxom cowgirls, various levels of curvy, and hyper shortstacks respectively) are also present.

Pokemon and Digimon are present in huge numbers, taking the ‘fully intelligent sapient beings’ take on them. The Digimon mainly live in cyberspace in the ship databanks, running the automated systems, and can jack into robotic bodies to interface with the physical world, otherwise being like AI friends; rarely, they can manifest directly in times of great need. Pokemon are more like beings of elemental power given form, and can willingly diminish their power in order to transform into more human-like shapes, ranging from bipedal anthro-morphs to cute monster humans. These are invariably hyper curvy, to boot, and something similar applies to the avatars the Digimon can project.

From Final Fantasy’s various races, big contenders for numerous-ness in here include, among others, the Viera and Bangaa.

Autobots of all known alt mode variations, Gems of any caste, and trolls from a wide variety of blood colors all go without saying. Of note, due to the egalitarian culture of the fleet, traditional caste attitudes typical of Gems or trolls are not present, and somewhat unthinkable to boot, and as a result have little attachment to their people’s history; to them, the fleet are their people.

And many, MANY other aliens of all shapes and sizes, but mostly ‘hourglass’ shapes at that.

One final note is the God Squad, an informal name for a number of deities that have for some reason taken an interest in the fleet’s affairs, and no one is clear why; they seem to know that Terezi and her family were once gods but not the circumstances of how they fell, and they don’t often intervene on a daily basis, but can be summoned. Apparently this involves beating some kind of strange accord they have with malicious demonic forces. The most important of them is Lucoa from Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid, but hewing closer to her mythological counterpart, especially in looking more like an ancient Aztec woman; she is a spokesgoddess, of sorts, for the rest of the deities. There is also Palutena, the goddess of light who may have arranged meetings between the fleet and her own chosen champions in the Smash fleet as well for her own reasons. Onyx Prime, of the Cybertronian pantheon, is also present and may have encouraged the others to assist the fleet thanks to his strange visions. There are several other gods, but their presence is currently shrouded and of great mystery to the fleet.

[minijenn]

Chille Tid: Alternate Ending

For Week 1 of the UF 3-Year extravaganza, I give a slightly alternate take on Chille Tid: Part 1! (graphic blood warning!)

 ——-

“Hey kid, mind hurrying up here!  I kinda have other places to be!  You gonna take the deal or not?!”

Steven woke up from his internal thoughts as he looked down to the hand that was still ablaze with blue flames outstretched before him.  Right before him was the possible solution for everyone’s problems.  Bill would finally get what he wanted and might finally leave him and his friends alone, Dipper would finally be able to be reunited with Lapis and be happy again, and Steven himself would be able to feel what it was like to really be human.  All the young Gem would have to do was to give up his gem and all the powers that came with it.  He would lose his shield, his healing spit and everything else that makes him unique.  But what was all that compared to the health and happiness of his friends and family?  Wasn’t that his job as a Crystal Gem, to protect others no matter the cost?

“No tricks, no lies,” Steven asked with caution.  “You promise if I give you my Gem, you’ll free Lapis and leave us alone?”  Bill rolled his eye, obviously annoyed at the young Gem’s reluctance.  “Come on, Rose Bud!  This isn’t like that phony deal I made with Pine Tree.  I actually get something valuable from this!  Why would need to trick you with this?!  Now are you going to give me that girly rock now, or are you going to let Water Wings suffer down in the lake and have Pine Tree be miserable for the rest of his short existence?!”  That was the final straw for Steven.  He now knew what he had to do.  Giving up his gem and his place as a Crystal Gem was a small price to pay if it meant that Dipper and Lapis could finally be together again.  He really wished that there was another away, but he really had no other choice.  Besides, this meant that a whole new chapter of his life was about to start.  Now, he wouldn’t have to feel so different from Dipper, Mabel and Connie anymore.  Now he could finally experience what it was really like to be a human being, just like his mom wanted him to be before he was born.  Without his gem, he didn’t have to feel burdened by some destiny he could never really grasp.  With a firm nod, he outstretched his hand.  It was time to just be Steven Universe.

“A-Alright Bill, you got a deal.” Steven shakily said.  As he grabbed the dream demon’s hand, both of their hand lit up in the blue fire, although Steven didn’t feel the flames burn his hand.  The soon-to-be former Gem had done it.  He had sold away the one thing that made him unique from the rest of the universe, but it would be worth it.  It would be worth it to see his friends smile again and fully experience his humanity.  However, he was rather confused when after a few seconds, Bill just stared at the boy.  Steven decided to break the awkward silence.  “So uh, are you just going to snap you fingers and remove my gem like that last time we were in Mr. Pines’s mind?” he asked.  The triangle gave a small chuckle at the boy’s question.  “Well, normally this kind of procedure would take a considerable amount of patience and skill to do properly.  Unfortunately, I left my tools at home, so we’ll just have to settle with THIS!”

Before Steven could question what the dream demon had meant by that, every single thought in his head halted to a stop when he felt the piercing pain in his stomach.  As soon as he finished speaking, Bill’s other hand had morphed long, sharp, black claws and swiftly dug themselves into the boy’s stomach.  The demon only looked on with glee as Steven gave a loud, agonizing cry out into the endless, black void.  Words were unable to properly express how much stinging pain the poor boy was feeling at that moment.  For a second, Steven could’ve swore that he actually saw his life flashed before his eyes, from his time with the Gems to all of the great adventures he had this summer with Dipper, Mabel and Connie.  From those memories alone (and possibly from the intense pain), tears began to flow out of the boy’s eyes.  Finally, after what felt like hours of unbearable agony, Bill finally removed his hand from the former Gem’s gut.

Steven collapsed to his hands and knees onto the invisible floor that was below him.  Every tired pant that he let out only caused more pain in his abdomen.  Steven was terrified to even look down at his stomach to see the amount of damage that the sadistic triangle had caused.  However, it turned out he didn’t have to look down to see the extent of the demon’s handiwork.  The former Gem’s eyes went wide as saucers as blood started to pool in between his hands.  The amount of blood was so great, the boy was able see a reflection of his pained, confused face in the pool beneath him.  Steven finally decided to look up at Bill, who was laughing manically as he now held his prize.  In between the demon’s claws was Steven’s pink gem, only now it was stained with blood instead of its normal pristine state.  “It’s just like I told you all those years ago, Quartzy,” Bill said to the bloody gemstone.  “I always get what I want, one way or another!”  Bill then pocketed the gem behind him, supposable storing it somewhere else.  The demon then floated back down to the injured boy, hands on his sides.  “Woo!  You would believe how deep I had to dig in there to get that whole rock!  But more importantly, congratulations Rosebud!” the yelled as he threw a handful of confetti into the air.  “You are now officially, one hundred percent, grade-A human!  So, how’s it feel?”

“I…I-“Steven tried to tell the dream demon, only to be cut short as he started to cough up blood.  The boy cringed as he wiped his mouth, but still had a strange metallic taste in his mouth.  As if breathing wasn’t hard enough, talking seemed to only be more painful for the poor boy.  Bill merely gave a dark laugh at the former Gem’s suffering, obviously enjoying this situation more than he should have.  “Oh yeah, I probably should’ve mentioned,” the demon started to explain.  “It turns out the human body doesn’t really function very well when there’s a giant hole in the middle of it!  The good news is that it won’t kill you right off the bat, although the bad news is that you’re probably not going to like the next few days!  But you never know, your anatomy is sort of as messed up as your hopes for the future!”  Bill continued to laugh as Steven shut his eyes both in frustration and pain.  He wasn’t stupid, he knew that his new body would be less resilient than his former on, but he had made the assumption that Bill would just use his powers to remove his gem in a less direct fashion.  However, even though the former Gem was now in the worse state of agony that he had even been in his life, he knew this was still worth it.  Because now Bill had to uphold his end of the deal.  “Alright, you…got what you wanted…now you have to…save Lapis!” Steven managed to say, albeit with a few bloody coughs in-between.

Bill ceased his laughter and looked back to the injured boy.  “Oh right that.  Well, don’t you worry there, Rosebud!  I am a triangle of my word, and I’ll make sure Water Wing gets free from that lake and back with Pine Tree…..as soon as she’s unfused with Stripes!”  For a moment, Steven’s heart dropped like a stone.  “W-What?!” he also managed to yell out of shock and confusion.  Bill rolled his eye and let a sigh of frustration.  “Look Rosebud, if you remember correctly, the deal was that I would save Water Wings from the lake.  The last time I checked however, it’s Water Stripes who’s trapped in the lake right now!  Therefore, I have no obligation right now to fulfill our deal!  Oh, but don’t worry, Rosebud!  As soon as Water Wings decides to unfuse with Stripes, I’ll swoop in and save like her knight in shining armor!  Although, that might take a while considering that Water Wings is pretty determined to stay stuck with Stripes because she wants to “protect” you and Pine Tree for some reason.  Oh well, I’m a patient guy!”

Steven felt broken.  He felt beaten, defeated and broken.  All he wanted to do was save Lapis so that she and Dipper could finally be happy again.  All he wanted to have was to experience the humanity that had alluded him all these years.  He was willing to give up anything to get those desires, even if it meant giving up the other part of him that made him special.  And now that he had finally went through with that choice, it turned out it was all for naught.  Steven had given up his Gem that his mother had entrusted him with for nothing.  Lapis was still, and probably forever, be trapped in a toxic fusion.  The former Gem then remembered that it was Dipper that had asked him in the first place to go back into the Dreamscape again to try and find Lapis.  The boy hung his head in shame.  Not only did he fail Lapis, he failed Dipper as well.  Some friend he was.

Steven was about to say something in protest, but the dream demon quickly pressed his finger to the boy’s lips and shushed him.  “Shhhhh, no take backs, Rosebud,” he whispered in Steven’s ear.  “Besides, your gem belonged to me way before you were even born.  I guess Quartzy didn’t want to pay the bill herself!”  The injured boy was rather confused by Bill’s cryptic statement, but the demon had floated away from him before he could ask for further elaboration.  “Welp, I really appreciate you giving up your gem like that,” Bill said, deciding it was time to wrap things up.  “Really, I do!  It’s gonna be very useful in the future, trust me.  Normally, I would say that I’ll see around soon, but I think we both know that ain’t happening!  Don’t worry about the other Mystery Twerps though.  I’ll keep a close eye on them, just for you!  Anyway, good luck getting the blood out of your PJs!  SEE YA!”  With a quick flash of light, the triangle disappeared, leaving Steven alone in the dark, endless void.  The former Gem felt awful; physically, mentally and emotionally.

——-

“Steven!  STEVEN!”

Steven suddenly awoke to what sounded like Pearl calling out his name.  When the boy woke up a little bit more, he checked his surroundings to see that he was back in his room again.  He was back to where he, the twins and the Gems had decided to sleep for the night.  A wave of relief washed over the boy, grateful that he was finally free from the dream demon’s torment.  However, something didn’t feel right with him.  Almost as if he had an empty feeling inside.

“Guys, I’m up.  What’s the…problem?” Steven said as he stood up, only to pause as he looked at everyone in the room.  All of them were looking on in horror as they just stared at Steven silently.  Pearl and Dipper were looking as if they were witnessing a car crash, Amethyst was seriously cringing, and Mabel looked queasy and frighten at the same time.  As Steven wondered why they were all looking at him in such a manner, he unconsciously rested his hand on his stomach.  Alarm bells went off in his head as he felt something warm and slightly sticky.  He slowly raised his hand to his face to see that it was painted red.  The boy’s mind was racing as he slowly looked down to his stomach.  His cozy, sky blue pajama top was stained with dark crimson that covered his whole abdominal region.  Steven wanted to scream at the mere sight of this, but he was in too much shock to utter a sound.

“What just…how did this happen?!” Pearl said, trying her best to contain her panic.  “I don’t know,” Dipper answered the white Gem.  “There was this sudden flash of light and now…this happened!”  Steven began to panic more and more as he began to feel a growing pain in his stomach.  Had Bill really just ripped out his gem, leaving him with such a grizzly wound?  He needed further confirmation for this.  Steven grasped the ends of his shirt and slowly lifted it from his stomach.  The damage was absolutely devastating.  Where is belly button should have been was what could only be described as a crater deep into his gut.  Dark, red blood oozed out of the wound, leaving the bottom portion of his clothes and the floor beneath him stained with a sickly crimson.  Steven had no words on how to describe how Bill had maimed him.  The others didn’t react to the wound very well either.  Pearl let out a terrified scream from seeing her precious ward so injured.  Dipper was startled by the wound and backed a few inches away from the injured boy.  Amethyst was the only one who could respond to the reveal with actual words.  “What….What the f-“

The purple Gem was interrupted when Mabel swiftly covered her mouth with both hands and rushed out of room.  The sight of the pussing wound was too much for the poor girl’s stomach to handle, which caused her to start vomiting once she was outside of the Temple.  Back inside, Steven began to feel woozy as he fell back onto his back again.  He began to cough again, blood slowly trickling down from the corner of his mouth.  “Pearl, I don’t feel so good.” Steven weakly said.  It seemed that talking was getting harder and harder to accomplish and breathing wasn’t exactly comfortable either.  Pearl rushed over to the injured boy and gently pressed her forehead to his in an attempt to at least comfort him.  “Oh Steven,” Pearl cried out, tears running down her cheeks.  “It will be okay!  Just stay calm, you’re going to be okay!  We just to…to…I…”  The white Gem was starting to majorly panic.  She was in too much duress to activity come up with a plan at the moment.  Fortunately, Dipper stood up and began instructing the panicking Gems on what to do.  “Amethyst, go get some clean towels so that we can stop the bleeding!  Pearl, we need to call Connie, her mom’s a doctor.  Go outside and get Mabel, she knows her number!”

The Gems wasted no time in carrying out the boy’s orders, with Amethyst rushing into the nearby bathroom and Pearl hurrying outside to find Mabel.  Now alone with the former Gem, Dipper rushed over to Steven, careful to not get any blood on his skin or clothes.  “It’s going to be okay, Steven.  Help will be here soon.  Just stay with me!”  Steven looked up to the worried expression Dipper was wearing and remembered something.  Something important that he needed to know.  “Dipper,” Steven muttered, trying not to cough up more blood.  “Bill, he…came to me while I was looking for Lapis and…”  Dipper’s eyes widen in alarm at the mention of the demented demon’s name.  Was he the one responsible for this?  “Steven, did Bill do this to you?!  How?!  How did he take your gem?!”  Steven let out a moan in response, but still manage to speak a little bit more.  “He…said that if I gave him my gem, he would free Lapis from the lake.  I did what he said, but he tricked me.  I’m sorry, Dipper.  I couldn’t….save Lapis.”  The former Gem slowly closed his eyes, but not before a single tear went down his cheek.

“STEVEN!” Dipper yelled out in panic, assuming that the worse had happened.  Thankfully, this didn’t last long as the boy noticed that Steven was still breathing and concluded that he just passed out from the intense pain.  This wave of relief did not last long, however, as what the former had told him began to really sink in.  Steven had made a phony deal with Bill almost exactly like the one he had made with the demon earlier this summer.  The inquisitive boy began to wonder why on Earth Steven would do something like that after what he saw at the sock opera, but then it hit him a truck at full speed.  He was the one that persuaded Steven to go back in the Dreamscape to find Lapis again.  His recent actions and attitude was what lead Steven into a desperate action of making a deal with Bill.  It was clear now, Dipper had made Steven to make the same mistake he did with Bill, and now he was paying for the consequences.

Now it was Dipper turn to begin crying now, as he realized how much of the blame actually feel on him.  One of his best friends was going to possibly die because of him.  “This is all my fault!” he muttered to himself.  He then notice that he had accidently gotten blood on one of his hands.  Dipper could only stare at his hand painted red with his friend’s blood with both horror and guilt.

“This is all my fault!”

[love-takes-work]

On Pink Diamond’s shattering: A non-theory

I hesitate to call this post a "theory," because theory usually means you've both got evidence and believe it. I have evidence, but I wouldn't say I "believe it."

I don't make theories on this blog. I don't write theories because I don't tend to HAVE theories. I do character analysis and I make observations, and some of those observations turn into "theories" only in the sense that no one on the show has specifically confirmed them, but I believe the show has "shown" them to be true. 

For instance, I wasn't part of the fandom before Garnet revealed her Fusion status, and my introduction to the series was a spoiler about her, so I don't know for sure if I would have concluded Garnet was a Fusion before they said so, but given her having two different-faceted Gems and opening different-colored stones on the Temple door, I think I would have concluded "the show is telling us she's two Gems." This "theory" I'm about to present is like that: based on what the show has told us about Rose through Steven, they may have revealed a weapon Rose Quartz COULD have used to shatter her Diamond. So I’ll discuss that here.

"Who shattered Pink Diamond?"

I don't think that's the real question. The question is how.

Rose Quartz has been pinned with the shattering of Pink Diamond for ages. At Steven's trial on Homeworld, Blue Diamond didn't ask who did it. She asked HOW did Rose do it. 

Defense Zircon pulled evidence apart, said it doesn't make sense how Rose could get that close in the first place, and came to question whether it was Rose at all, but she doesn't have all the information.

The Diamonds don't have all the information either.

We have more information about Rose than the Diamonds do in some ways, and we have it through Steven's experiences with her powers.

So based on what we know, I am going to propose a "theory" that I don't really "believe." I don't really have beliefs about what's going to happen on this show, and I am not invested in any specific outcome; I trust that the Crew is going to show us an amazing story that makes sense. I don’t need to know where it’s going before I can have fun seeing where it takes me, and if something I say here doesn’t pan out, I won’t enjoy it less. This is also one of the reasons I don't like mystery stories; I don't really enjoy puzzling out what's going to happen, and I don't like trying to find clues to whodunnit as a vehicle for enjoying the story. I, like Blue Diamond, am interested in how, and I will propose an idea that's based primarily on character analysis.

Let's start here. Rose Quartz is a much more interesting character if she indeed did shatter Pink Diamond. If she didn't, then her character path is having the show build her up as a goddess, cast doubt onto that, and then absolve her of guilt in the end. I don't see that happening. I'm still assuming that Rose Quartz did do it. Not only does she carry guilt over the things she's done, but Garnet has stated more than once that Rose did it and it was for the good of the planet. I don't believe Garnet is lying to Steven; if Rose really didn't do it somehow, Garnet probably thinks she did. (We don't know about Pearl. She knows more than she can say.)

But beyond that, there were eyewitnesses. We know from "Back to the Moon" that Eyeball saw the incident "with her own eye," and Defense Zircon referred to other eyewitnesses. Their side of the story is that Rose Quartz shattered Pink Diamond with a "huge sword." (Eyeball and Blue Diamond very pointedly mentioned the sword.) We know from "Bismuth" that Rose's sword is not designed to damage a Gem--only the body of a Gem--so we can conclude from this that Rose Quartz may have shattered Pink Diamond with some other sword. If that's not what happened, it's what eyewitnesses think happened. It was Rose or someone who looked like Rose, and it was a sword or something that looked like a sword.

I don't really have any true theories about the sword. We haven't really been given a lot of information about that. Rose's sword is large, but Connie can pick it up and use it; I have a feeling the sword they're referring to is much larger. I know there's a gigantic sword in the ocean near the Temple, but I don't know if that's a possible weapon unless Rose herself was much larger during that time. Though it's true that Garnet could carry a giant axe that was impractically large for her size, but that was kind of played as a joke, and I don't know how much larger that sword was. (A Fusion wielding such a sword is a possible solution, but if eyewitnesses still processed the shatterer as Rose, it could have been a multi-Rose-Quartz Fusion. We have yet to hear from those other Rose Quartzes and whether any of them were implicated, were on the Crystal Gems' side, or could have helped Rose only to get bubbled and abandoned.) I don't have many solid ideas about the weapon she used; we don't have enough information yet.

But how about I get to HOW Rose could have done it. Defense Zircon seemed agitated about how little sense it made for Pink Diamond to be out in her palanquin with her entourage and still somehow get out and be attacked by Rose. She believed that must mean there was an inside job of sorts; that another Diamond might have been involved in getting rid of her, creating a cover-up using the power only they possess. But I think this was misdirection. She focused on how it could have been an inside job, but I think it's possible it was more inside than she could imagine.

Recently, Susan Egan (the voice of Rose) mentioned at a convention that she has "major issues about what Rose did," which suggests it's morally pretty indefensible. A comment like that suggests she not only did something terrible, but did it in a terrible way.

Steven has the ability to transport his consciousness into another living creature and move their body around as if it's his own. I would be very surprised if Rose lacked the ability to do this.

One way Rose could have shattered Pink Diamond would have been if she used this ability to take control of Pink Diamond's body. 

She could have possessed Pink Diamond, taken her out of her palanquin in a place where Rose had left her own body inert, and then when Rose retreated to her own body, Pink Diamond would find herself inexplicably standing unprotected, only to be attacked and shattered by Rose. If Rose was controlling Pink Diamond up until that point, none of the Gems under her command would have gotten in the way of what she said her wishes were, even if they were weird. And remember, in the recent silhouette representation of the Crystal Gems fighting Pink Diamond from “Gemcation,” Rose Quartz mysteriously was not there.

This is of course a morally repugnant thing to do. But as Garnet said, if Pink Diamond needed to be destroyed so the entire organic population of Earth wouldn't be wiped out, this is not really the time for a fair fight. Because of the stakes, the other side CAN'T BE LET TO WIN, by ANY MEANS NECESSARY. If someone has to be taken out or everyone else will suffer, it seems a leader like Rose would determine that's worth the dirty technique of exploiting an unfair advantage. Why do you need your opponent to have a sporting chance before you can feel good about killing someone? You never feel good about killing someone. So if you're going to do it, do it, and don't risk losing.

The reason this possibility is so compelling to me is that nobody on Homeworld would have seen this coming. Because as we've seen with Steven . . . every time he's entered another creature, he's done it through the vehicle of SLEEP.

Gems don't sleep, unless they've been inspired to try it by humans. Homeworld, including any other Rose Quartzes, would have been very unlikely to even discover this power because sleep is a foreign idea to them. That's why it would be so brilliant to use it; with all their power, the Diamonds would never suspect this window into other people exists, and could never imagine that their very bodies could be puppeted and stolen.

Thematically, this would be an excellent concept for the show to employ, too. Humans not being Gems has given them power over Gem attacks many times, and Rose's belief in the beauty of Earth would make it very satisfying for her to use one of the lessons she learned from "simple" humans to take down a Diamond. Gem obliviousness to humans' power has led to such mistakes as Steven's easy escape from his jail cell in "Jailbreak" or the Robonoids on Homeworld being unable to see Lars because he didn't have a Gem.

So, the weapon of sleep it is. We know Gems don't sleep naturally but they CAN do it authentically; after all, Pearl dreamed while asleep, and Lapis snores but appears embarrassed about it. These are not actions they would elect to demonstrate if they were just pretending to sleep, so once they try to sleep, they can apparently "really" sleep. So theoretically, Rose could have used this method the same way Steven can.

If this was her method, I'm not sure if her companions know how she did it, but it's possible; in the past when Steven demonstrated new powers, one of his guardians always said "Oh yes Rose could do that," EXCEPT for the dream powers. Pearl just responded to say maybe Steven was connecting with Lapis through his dreams, in "Chille Tid." So it’s unclear how much they know about dream powers or possessing others’ bodies through the doorway of dreaming.

Now, Steven has two ways of entering other people through sleep. Steven has "possessed" Lars once and Watermelon Stevens twice. Lars was asleep at the moment of Steven's entry, but one of the Watermelons was not; this suggests Steven himself has to be asleep, but the "victim" does not. Steven has done this by accident, but has also demonstrated he can do it on purpose, to a specific target.

But Steven can also glimpse the mental experiences of others when he travels through dreams. It doesn't matter if the other character is asleep. Yes, he got into Kiki's dreams repeatedly when he was helping her beat her pizza demons, but he also got into the Malachite mindscape with Lapis and Jasper, and they were not asleep. Again, he was able to do it on purpose, and it didn't matter that he didn't know where Malachite was.

As a secondary "theory," I might say that even if Rose didn’t possess anyone in her plot to take down Pink Diamond, she still could have used this ability to peek into the psyche of others, including Pink Diamond and her underlings. But the danger there is that the invaded person can see the invader. Kiki and Lapis and Jasper all saw Steven come in. I think this would have been risky and unlikely to help the Crystal Gems' position, but it remains a possibility that Rose could have used this unique spying technique to peek in on Pink Diamond's camp as well. She could probably interact in that state, but she could also observe, and maybe with practice she could have done some peeking without getting caught. And from this, she could have gotten information, the way Steven discovered Kiki was having trouble with her sister and the way Steven discovered Lapis was still fused with Jasper and fighting for every second.

When Steven takes over a character's body, he is not aware of their mind; his mind replaces it. But when he enters it in a dream state, he can observe. He also did this in a different way with the Cluster, but I'm not sure what that was. It was probably similar to what he did with Malachite. As of this writing December 2 2017, we haven't yet seen Steven enter the mind of a Gem who was not in some kind of advanced dissociative state though. I don't know if individual Gems have mindscapes like Malachite that Steven could enter, but I don't see why not if he can enter humans' individual minds.

All this is to say Rose very likely had an ability to take someone else from within and therefore could have easily put someone important like Pink Diamond in a compromising position. The question just remains as to why and how Rose would choose to commit the final act herself. She would have had to be sure that her weapon would shatter a Diamond, so maybe we'll know more when we get information about what weapon could do that. (Maybe the Diamonds have such a weapon, and there's a secondary mystery about how Rose got a hold of it.)

But it is very consistent with Rose's character to be willing to finish Pink Diamond herself. She wouldn't have wanted others to do it for her, and she would have wanted to carry that burden without putting it on others. She would have wanted the fury of Homeworld to focus on her, because as the leader of the rebellion, she feels responsible. So it's only fitting that she would have dealt the final blow with her own hand.

As it stands, I don't read too many "Pink Diamond" theories--I stay away from them mostly--but I have seen titles of posts I didn’t read suggesting maybe she's alive, maybe she agreed to her own death, maybe she participated in a ruse to let Rose kill her or pretend to kill her, maybe one of the other Diamonds WAS involved, maybe the Diamond we haven't met yet will offer some clues we can't know with the current info, maybe the memories of the confrontation are faked somehow, et cetera. I’m sure I’m not the first to discuss the possibility of Rose/Steven’s possession powers being involved, though I haven’t personally read any that brought this up. So forgive me if I’m repeating someone else’s theory; I’m not swiping from another fan, just giving my own take here.

But on the subject of other possibilities to explain Pink Diamond’s death, it is admittedly very suspicious that we haven't seen Pink Diamond's shards and don't know where they are; Blue Diamond goes to her palanquin and to her zoo to mourn, but doesn't appear to have access to her remains. Usually when there's no body in a mystery show, it means there's something very important about the victim's death that we don't know. (Often, it means they didn't die.) But since there are many places her shards could be, we don't know if it's significant yet. We'll see.

So this is not exactly my "theory," but after significant character examination of Rose Quartz and what her powers might have been based on Steven's, I think a military leader like her would have used this advantage and accepted the moral awfulness of it because the stakes were too high for her to lose. She fell in love with humans, not just individual humans but with humanity, and with what they represented to her. She wanted their freedom and individuality for her own kind, and she wanted her Crystal Gems to have what humans have: the option to choose and change. Giving this to so many Gems and sparing the population of Earth (who never agreed to be invaded, after all!) may have justified Rose's actions in her mind.

I would be very, very surprised if Steven's mental transference powers weren't VERY important to some aspect of the future plot, whether they explain something Rose did or lay the groundwork for something he will have to do.

[rain-jay]

My Thoughts and Theories on Pearls and Diamonds

...and Homeworld as a whole. So I'd like to start this long ass mess with my thoughts on Pearls. A lot of people like to make the statement that Pearls on Homeworld are basically slaves and the Diamonds are horrible irredeemable tyrants and... I just think that is untrue and here's why I think this. Now a lot of people would claim that the Pearls are slaves because they are treated as objects but the thing is... I kinda know what that is like. I mean in my own home I'm there to cook, clean, walk the dog, give my dad's fiancee money, fix their computer, buy them things, sort their work out and stay out of the way, I'm like a convenient inconvenience. I'm not saying the pearls are like that I just think that like myself they're treated more like secretaries than slaves. I guess this point is kinda irrelevant to my argument as it doesn't make much sense but I kinda know how they feel. However, tere is no stone evidence to suggest that the Diamond's Pearls have been abused physically or mentally. You could argue that YP backing away in fear from YD conveys this but YD is seen to just have a big temper in general and is also just... Pearl probably didn't want to get stood on. YP is also smug little shit who before YD began getting angry was seen to make snide faces and back talk. She's seen to look down upon others, she is snooty and has air of superiority around her much like Aquamarine; 'I am Yellow Diamond's Pearl! I am the best! Only the best for my Diamond! Blue Pearl is chilled out and is allowed to doodle during a court case, she is shown to perhaps be a bit sassy around Greg and even in the crewniverse zine, Blue Pearl is seen comforting Blue Diamond and touching her face, wiping her tears away, this suggests that Blue Diamond trusts Pearl. Blue Diamond probably doesn't have her Pearl do much either apart from open doors and do Pearl things, this is hinted at when she doesn't automatically react to Yellow Diamond and by extension Yellow Pearl's command to sing, she just not used to doing much and is used to Blue Diamond being easy going. Yellow Diamond also trusts her Pearl as well as Blue's, especially when they are allowed to witness such private exchanges between their two leaders and not be sent away as well as witness important political meetings and know information no other gem would ever dream of knowing. I could even say that Pearls would probably be allowed to order gems around on behalf of their Diamond, even someone like Aquamarine. I don't think people who are constantly in danger of being reprimanded would be so comfortable around the person who would hurt them either, if the Diamonds were that ruthless I doubt their pearls would be allowed to even move or speak without their say so when it is clear that this is not the case as Yellow Pearl has a little attitude on her. They're not slaves in the way people think they are, they're more like secretaries and as long as they do their job and stand next to the Diamonds then they are probably the most well protected gems in the entire empire, after all who would mess with a Diamond's Pearl and not expected to be punished? I could probably imagine that if BP went missing or had gotten lost or abducted Blue Diamond would be distraught and would not want another one and would do everything within her power to find her and an furious at the gem responsible and as for Yellow Diamond would be angry that her Pearl, if she had went missing, hadn't been found yet but her anger would come from a place of frustration because she is worried because YD expresses all of her emotions through anger, it's all she knows. I couldn't ever see the Diamonds just replace their Pearls without a single thought, they're around them 24/7 and it is hinted that the Pearls also care about their Diamonds that being with Blue Pearl mourning alongside Blue Diamond and Yellow Pearl getting offended when Peridot runs her mouth at Yellow Diamond. They must have some kind of bond. The Pearls wouldn't say no to their Diamonds and would do anything for them because they probably love them and the Diamonds probably know this. If the Diamonds were that cruel then wouldn't they ask their pearls to complete unreasonable tasks? Because they don't, their tasks are very easy and don't ask too much of them when they know fine well that their Pearls would follow them to ends of the universe. Also it is probably seen and viewed as unprofessional to loose your temper at something as little as a Pearl or to treat them with cruelty, the Diamonds probably see it as acting very juvenile and petty. Of course this would come from a pretty gemist(?) View that getting angry at something so harmless as a Pearl is pointless and if your Pearl makes mistakes it just means you are an inefficient owner and are blaming them for your own mistakes, as they are viewed as stupid of course to the Diamonds a pearl who is stupid must have a stupid owner and if there is something the Diamond's don't like is a gem who is stupid or for them to appear as if they are stupid. A regular pearl on the other hand is, yes probably treated like shit behind closed doors or around gems who don't have the balls to tell on them, its probably something the Diamonds would frown down upon as the Diamonds, Yellow Diamond in particular seem to dislike petty behavior and outright sneer at it. To put into perspective, upper crust gems are less likely to be nasty to Pearls than a more common gem. A Sapphire for example is probably quite nice to a Pearl, they are patient and calm gems from what we have seen and Rebecca Sugar claims that they are kinda like Zelda. So a Sapphire would probably see it as obscene or dirty to abuse a Pearl as it is probably a practice among more common gems and common gems = stupid gems. Going back to my theory up above it would make sense as to why a Sapphire would be perfectly pleasant and why someone like Holly Blue Agate would be quite vicious or passive aggressive, since she has a same rank as a Quartz. Aquamarine is another good example. She is extremely proud yet snarky. If her Pearl were to make a mistake she would most likely make a sarcastic remark but let it go, but since Aquamarine believes she is the best then she would probably reason that a Pearl made for her would have to be the best Pearl who would not ever make a mistake. These are just my own theories and things to consider. I don't think the Diamonds are all that bad and I think there's something else going on and it is to do with WD. Part of me thinks that both YD and BD are terrified of WD. I think YD knows that WD got rid of Pink and can't have Blue finding out because 1) she was threatened by WD and 2) Homeworld would fall apart. Homeworld is about to fall apart as Blue and Yellow Diamond have emotional breakdowns. As much as YD seems like, she likes to work I don't think she likes the weight on her shoulders. YD scoffs and rolls her eyes a lot as if she is fed up with her subjects, specifically brown nosing but also them just being ridiculous in the first place. I think this is because YD expresses love with actions rather than words. When Yellow sees how other gems treat those lower than her like shit basically only for them to kiss her feet, Yellow might view words as meaningless which is probably why she hates brownnosers. This also suggests that White might say some things that are hurtful to her and Blue which could make her think that all words said to her are empty and hold no value. Yellow shows love through actions, specifically her love for Blue and her mercy for Peridot. Let's first take Peridot as an example, Peri is a lower caste gem. Just a little technician who happened to destroy a whole ship, loose Lapis and Yellow's prized Jasper and yet Yellow Diamond was still willing to send out a ship to pick up Peridot when its clear that there is a resource crisis on Homeworld. Not only that but she then sends a Ruby Squad out to go get Pink Diamond's Jasper before Earth blows up. Yellow Diamond cares about her subjects, so much so that in the views of perhaps White Diamond she is wasting resources and should just leave them to die, I mean if I were the ruler of Homeworld and I wanted a strict system I would think this. Yellow Diamond has also shown her love for Blue by listening to her, dressing more formally to visit Pink Diamond's Zoo, placing her hands on Blue Diamond's shoulders when Steven accidentally makes her break down. Yellow has picked up the slack for her, that is very clear 'where's their Diamond when they need her Blue? You've got to be a leader Blue!' Which says to me that YD is telling her that there's only so much work she can do for BD and only so much time until someone notices her slacking. So perhaps Yellow does her work so White doesn't notice and reprimand her for it. And Yellow Diamond doesn't want Blue Diamond to be any more distressed than she already is so she tries to speed up her grieving process so no one notices. Blue Diamond should definitely not be in a position of authority as she is too mentally unstable, she needs a break and quite clearly does not want to deal with her job right now. It seems as if both the Diamonds do not want to do their job the way they are doing it. Blue Diamond seems like a gem who probably would not want to purge planets, she seems like a peacekeeper, she doesn't like conflict, this is evidenced by her loosing her temper at Yellow for silencing the Zircons because she didn't like what they had to say. Blue Diamond got mad because she is tired of Yellow getting angry and causing conflict. 'Can't you restrain yourself!?' As if to say just stop fighting for five minutes and listen, this is important, its important to me! Another piece of evidence is when Blue runs away from the battle in the sky arena to protect herself but also to stay away from the conflict. She was so relieved when she was told that the war was soon going to be over, she obviously does not like fighting. So why would a gem who hates war want to purge planets and start more potential wars, it doesn't make sense. It seems as if these two gems and probably Pink Diamond were forced into their jobs just because of their gem type yet their personalities suit either a different job or ruling a society that isn't so ridged and toxic. I think Pink Diamond got killed because she tried to utilize the planet without disrupting the Eco system or found a way to manufacture gems without sucking the life out of planets (they could just use a fertilizer but that's another post for another time) and I don't think White Diamond liked this Diamond who seemed to not be as whipped as the other two so before she could get to Yellow and Blue all the way with her ideas White quickly silenced her and got rid of her and didn't tell ANY of her era 2 subjects about the gem war or that Pink even existed. She was removed from every artifact and logo, from the minds of younger gems, told not to speak about her, it was as if she never existed and is probably why Blue is desperately clinging onto what is left of her and why Yellow is trying to destroy it. Yellow loves Pink Diamond too so it doesn't make sense, it makes a lot more sense when you think that White is threatening her and is basically saying 'get rid of it all or else'. These are my thoughts and I like them because angst. I kinda hope I'm right because this would be so dramatic and juicey and would explain a lot of actions that do not make sense. Most of this is speculation but its fun so whatever.

[just-a-mod]

you know Cara will not tolerate any one treating Stripes any less than what she deserves

like i think the only ones who would be weird at first would be Pearl and...Peridot?? maybe Lapis, even Dumor

but it’d be like ‘lets see how this goes’ because they’ve seen Steven help gems before so, they’ll give it a shot

so Cara keeps with Stripes at all times, since he doesn’t usually leave Beach City any way. Steven helps every now and then, but mostly as long as Cara is calm, Stripes is calm.

so then i think liek, those ‘cool kid’ group would be chill, probably like Stripes and think she’s cool af

i think it’s Ronaldo who’d get too close, and i think he’d be the one saying she’s a monster because he just...doesn’t...get it

and thatswhen Cara very gently threatens him with bodily harm

and just out pops Steven from no where like HAHAH HE’S KIDDING but seriously stop calling Stripes a monster, she can’t help her shape, it’s been corrupted beyond means of her control : (

Ronaldo corrects himself, but still asks questions, and as long as he’s polite, Cara deals with him.

i dont feel like Cara likes humans that much. its most of a toleration than anything. i dont think its because he feels above them or anything, i think their nature just confuses him too much. he’ll be polite and protect them, but i dont feel there is a human in the town he cares for

I know Dia gets along with any one you throw her at. Dumor doesn’t trust ANY ONE out side of the crystal gems and their own group (probably took them a time to trust Lapis and Peirdot too)

I think Chrome is also indifferent but i’d have to ask. it’d be amazing to me if they aren’t

[fanofawesomethings]

Hunting the Hydra

This is another commission for tthemanwithmanyauandheadcannons’ Jasper Mom au

If you want a commission of your very own, just message me and I will tell you my prices.

Flames flowed as easily as water and swallowed the green pasture of the rolling hills in seconds. The bellowing smoke darkened the skies with an unending cloud of ash that poisoned the air. A wave of crimson of unbearable heat in an already hot summer day painted the land. But as the smoke and fire grew in strength and size, and the smoke reached its highest peak in the sky, the fire’s presence alerted the attention of those who were more than capable of extinguishing it.

A burst of light erupted into the sky as the Warp Pad activated. Eager and impatient, Steven pounced off the crystal pad like a young tiger before the light finished disappearing, but he was ultimately met with disappointed when he discovered there wasn’t anything otherworldly about the flames. There were Gem monsters or rouge Gems in sight causing the flames, not even a semblance of the fire being caused by something unnatural, as far as the eager young Gem boy could see. Jack and Jasper waited for the Warp Pad to deactivate before stepping out without as much hurry as Steven had.

“Aww man, it’s just a summer fire,” pouted Steven.

“Come on, buddy, it’s still something we have to take care of. Since no one else is doing it,” said Jasper with a bitter taste in her mouth. They’d been watching the fire for some time before arriving and after an hour of waiting in vain for Firefighters to answer the call, she grabbed Jack to help her and Steven extinguish the flames. “Some of these humans are really lazy.”

“It’s not like Greg is any more active,” remarked Jack.

“I never said he wasn’t,” she said, which she didn’t see as an insult if it was towards Greg because it was one of the things she liked about her husband.

“How are gonna stop the fire? We don’t have water powers like Lapis,” Steven pointed out.

Jasper wondered that very same thing herself. There wasn’t anything that could be of use to them; the nearest building was off in the distance. She walked towards the fire to inspect it and felt the sole of her foot crush a tiny pebble on the ground; from that pebble the quartz Gem found their solution. Jasper dug her hands into the ground and with a mighty pull that engorged the muscles on her arms she pulled out a chunk of the earth and held the crumbling over her head and threw it on the fire. The chunk smothered a piece of the fire and the dirt that covered it stopped the flames from spreading over it.

“I think that’s how we’re going to stop it,” said Jasper, hands on her hip with confidence because she knew Steven’s eyes, bright with admiration, were on her.

“Mom, that’s amazing!” Steven said.

“And what we supposed to do, Jasper? I don’t share your brute strength,” questioned Jack.

           “Your lip seems strong enough,” countered Jasper. She looked around and had the corner of her eye hit with glare of the fire bouncing off Jack’s sword. “You’re sword’s sharp enough, right? Cut the shape into the ground so it’s easier for you and Steven to pull them out.”

           “I can help too?” Steven squeaked with joy.

           “Sure, kiddo, as long as you don’t get too close. Show me what all your rock throwing training did,” smiled Jasper.

           Steven punched this fist into his hand. “I’m ready,” he said with a smile, but when Jasper turned away he let out a quiet groan of pain because he punched his hand a little too hard.

           Jasper pulled a chunk out of the earth and threw it against the fire again, that time with much more force which caused it to burst into an explosion of dirt that covered more land upon contact with the ground. Jack did as he was just, with a sour expression—he didn’t like taking orders from someone other than his mother, and even then he wasn’t happy about being talked down to like Citrine usually did. He stabbed the crusader’s sword into the ground as far down until the hilt touched the grass, and then he ran into a circle carving the shape. As soon as he finished, Jack moved to cut the next circle. Steven jumped into the fray, digging his hands in the lines Jack cut. Summoning all his strength, Steven pulled a chunk of earth from the ground, one piece that was nearly too heavy for him as it made his reel backwards under its weight but he held it; the fruits of his training showed when he threw the boulder with one lunge and it dropped onto a patch of fire, smothering it the same way his mother did.

           “Mom! Mom! Did you see that?” Steven squeaked in excitement for what he did.

           “That’s great, kid, you’re my little human!” Jasper said whilst picking up two equally huge chunks of earth with both hands before chucking them as well.

           The three continued their almost rhythmic strategy with ease. Jack would stab the ground and carve out big shapes for Jasper and smaller shapes for Steven, and while they pulled out the fruits of his labor, Jack would swiftly carve out his own chunks and contribute. After twenty minutes of hard labor, the group had smothered half of the flames faster than the fire could recover. The end of the flames looked imminent.

           Jasper threw a chunk bigger than the other she plucked out of the earth over her head. Sweat dripped from her face while the ends of her long hair clung to her drenched face. The weight of so much activity in rapid succession began to show on the Quartz Gem; though she had much more fight left in her, she began to realize how weaker she had gotten over the years. She looked to Steven who hadn’t shed a single drop of sweat despite moving as much as she did; Jasper acknowledge that as she began to grow weaker, her son, whom inherited her power, began to grow stronger. What feeling that came along with the realization was a mystery to her—she didn’t know if it was pride for her son or fear for her own status.

           Suddenly a drop of coolness tapped the tip of Jasper’s Gem. Water. She looked up expecting to see the rain cloud it fell from, but instead she spotted a figure. Soaring high above them, carrying Peridot with one hand and holding an enormous blob of water hovering above the other hand, Lapis flew into position. Peridot clung to Lapis’ hand, deathly afraid of falling off while Lapis worked. The blue Gem hovered over the flames, eyeing the flames with intent; she exhaled her concentration and the blob of water broke its orb shape and rained down. As though a downpour suddenly came over the land, the water drenched the fire and the Gems down below with a lake-full of moisture that extinguished the flames as fast as it drenched them from head to toe. Not an ember of flame remained.

           “Hey guys, did you see the fire?” Lapis called out ironically as she descended.

           “Steven! Are you okay?!” Peridot shrieked. “Lazuli, get me down faster!”

           Lapis released her grip and Peridot fell to the earth faster just as she wished. She landed on the ground face first. Rather than bask in the pain of landing, Peridot picked herself up as if nothing happened and she raced over to inspect Steven.

           “Are you bleeding? Are you short of breath? Do you taste copper? Are your muscles contracting when you move? Is your heart rate at a normal pace?” Peridot scrambled in a panic, lifting Steven’s arms, inspecting his pupils with a light from her limb enhancers, checking his ears and every other body part of his.

           “Peridot, it’s fine, I’m fine. It wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle,” said Steven confidently, until Peridot pulled his tongue out to inspect it.

           “My son is okay, Peridot,” said Jasper, more than a hint of annoyance in her voice.

           “Yes he does appear to be safe, but your parenting skills are still questionable, Jasper. If it were up to me, Steven would be far away from the risk, maybe eating some of your Earth snack cakes and watching some cartoon,” Peridot sweetened her voice with temptation to see if she could bait Steven into wanting to go back to the temple.

“Why didn’t you step in earlier?” Jasper questioned Lapis with a raised brow.

           “We were watching the smoke make shapes in the sky before Peridot spotted you guys working and forced me to step in for Steven’s sake,” said Lapis. “It was fun watching stuff burn.”

           “The humans probably wouldn’t think so if the fire reached them,” said Jack.

           “Oh, you’re here too, wonderful.”

           Lapis and Jack stared each other down. Jack used his furious glare and Lapis countered with an expression that read she couldn’t care less about him.

           “Come on, guys, do you always have to fight?” Steven inquired, remembering the previous times the two were in the same space.

           “She’s the one with the rude mouth!” Jack blurted pointing in her face.

           “And you’re the kid with the touchy attitude. At least I’m chill about it,” said Lapis.

           “Yes you have a calm simulation, until you get home to the barn and start deafening my ears with your rants about Jack,” Peridot intervened.

           “That is not true!” Lapis barked at her roommate.

           “Oh, so you do think about me,” teased Jack.

           “Hey the water is still here, ready for me to use it on whoever I want!” Lapis snapped back at him.

           “Is that a challenge? Don’t forget I beat you the last time,” said Jack.

           “Don’t get full of yourself, I only held back because I felt sorry for you.”

           “It didn’t look like that when you were on the ground in front of me.”

           “No fighting!” Steven pleaded.

           Jasper distanced herself from the crowd, unable hear her own thoughts because of the noise. The patch of dirt and ash lay beneath her feet like a brand new scar on the land. As she assessed the damage, her eyes wondering, she stopped herself when something caught her eye—something huge. She ran across the burned patch and knelt to the ground, her expression read shock.

           “HEY!” Jasper shouted which silenced everyone. “Shut up and get over here!”

           The others gathered on command fast, if there was anything that united all four Gems it was the fear of making Citrine and Jasper angry. When the smoke finally cleared what Jasper knelt in front of was revealed to them. The others were just as shocked.

           A footprint. One ten times bigger than the foot size of any one of them with five sharp pointed on the toes. In front of that footprint was another of equal size, and another, until they saw that it was a trail, leading far into the fields.

           “Look at the size of them. What sort of creature could have made these?” Jack asked, his fingers twitching to grab his sword.

           “Nothing on Earth that’s for sure,” said Jasper.

           “These footprints are twice as big as an Earth Elephant’s, the largest land animal on this planet,” said Peridot.

           Steven eyes widened for he had gotten his wish. “Does this mean there’s a scary tough monster after all?”

           “I think so. Good, I was beginning to worry a fire was just the end of it,” said Jasper, cracking her knuckles.

Steven cracked his hands to imitate his mom but his knuckles were quiet. Peridot quickly snatched Steven close to her and wrapped her arms around him.

“You all can go fight like brutes, while Steven and I watch an episode of Camp Pining Hearts together,” said the green Gem. “Doesn’t that sound like more fun, Steven?”

“No way, I wanna fight too!” Steven escaped her grasp.

“Steven doesn’t need to be babied, Peridot. But we could use some more fire power and you’re the only one I know who can hit a small target from miles away, so you can come too, Peridot, just don’t be a pain,” said Jasper.

“Only if Steven doesn’t leave my sight!” Peridot argued.

“Deal.” Peridot and Jasper shook hands on it; the fingers on the green Gem’s Limb Enhancers were a great deal smaller than Jasper’s mighty hand.

“What? Mom, I wanna fight too!” Steven begged.

“Oh you will. Peridot said you won’t leave her sight. She didn’t say what you would be doing while she watches you.” Jasper’s whit outsmarted the green Gem and she growled under her breath for having been outsmarted by someone Peridot always thought of less intelligent that herself.

With such a obvious trail to lead them, the Crystal Gems and Lapis and Peridot made their way across the endless pasture of green, at an incredibly fast pace. Jasper carried Steven on her back like a koala while she ran at full sprint which was the same speed as a jet-fueled car; Lapis carried Peridot as she flew fast enough to keep up with Jasper; and Jack’s speed could keep up with the rest but there was a minor difference between him and the others.

The breeze from her running cooled Jasper, but as fast as it made her sweat. Her state of mind thousands of years ago would see the fast reaction to stopping a Gem monster from destroying a world as unnecessary, but hearing Steven’s laugh as he enjoyed the ride reminded her of why she liberated the Earth in the first place and why she needed to pick up the pace.

“Hey kiddo, want to ride the Spinning Mom Ball?” Jasper asked.

“Yeah! You never let me ride the Spinning Mom Ball!” Steven cheered.

           “Jasper, just what is the Spinning Mom Ball?” Peridot questioned.

           Jasper didn’t stop her pace to start. She took Steven off her shoulders, while her legs ran, and held him close to her chest; Steven took that chance to give his mom a hug. The strong Quartz Gem leapt into the air and raised her knees to her chest and quickly her entire body transformed into a sphere which spun like a saw blade, splitting the earth when it landed and took off straight.

           “JASPER!” Peridot screamed.

           While inside the ball, in the midst of all the spinning, Steven and Jasper exchanged a mischievous laugh for getting one over on Peridot. But while her speed was increased considerably while in the sphere form, Jasper had only glimpses of the landscape to go on so she had a vague idea of where the tracks were headed.

           “Lapis Lazuli speed up! We need to catch them!” Peridot howled, frantic.

           “Hey you’re lucky I don’t drop you, I’m not going to make myself tired just because you want to smother Steven,” snapped Lapis.

           Peridot thrashed about. “I do not smother Steven! I merely want to protect from that mother of his who will very likely be the death of him!”

           “Between you and that Quartz soldier who once lifted your barn so her son could get his ball, who do you think is better suited of protecting Steven?” Jack pointed out.

           Peridot couldn’t argue with him so she mumbled bitterly under her breath.

           “Hey look!” Lapis shouted.

           Jasper stopped, landing upright on her feet after changing back. She let Steven down. “You okay, buddy?”

           Steven wobbled, unable to stand up straight because the world hadn’t yet stopped spinning. “Yeah! ‘Course I am!”

           Behind her was a footprint as big as the rest, but in front of Jasper was the tracks were replaced with an enormous crater in the ground as though a meteor had struck the land. The dirt beneath the grass was uprooted, piled into mound as wide as four as Peridot and Lapis’ barn, maybe bigger; as Jasper stood on it she was dwarfed by its size. Beyond the crater the land was untouched, green as it had always been, for as far as her keen eyes could see.

           “Whatever it was must be able to fly. It probably jumped in the air and flew away,” deduced Jasper.

           “That’ll make it impossible to track if we have to check the skies,” said Jack.

           “Don’t worry, it’s gotta come down sometimes and when it does we’ll just look for the cra—”

           A rumble startled Jasper. Another came and this time the others felt it too. When another came Jasper felt a chill go down her spine for she nearly lost her footing with the third quake. Her face went pale for she realized, too late, that the quake was strongest beneath her.

           The ground burst open and an elongated shadow rocketed to the surface. A neck like a snake and scales of countless colors, a monster arose. Its shadow alone swallowed them in darkness as though the sun had been blocked, slithering eclipse. Eyes burning red with black slits at their center, and a fearsome appearance, the monster had snatched Jasper in its jaws when it shot up. With teeth sharper than swords, the beast tried to bite down and swallow Jasper who fought with all her might to keep its jaws from shutting.

           “Mom!” Steven cried.

           “What is that thing?!” Jack drew his sword.

           Jasper pushed against the roof of the beast’s mouth. But while Jasper was caught and stuck in place, she had no free hands to deal with the wriggling tongue worming its way towards her. Slick like a whip, Jasper felt it slashed across her back with a burning intensity. While he winced with pain, the tongue wrapped its around Jasper’s waist and it began to pull her towards the beast’s throat.

           “Peridot shoot it!” Jack commanded.

           Peridot reconfigured her fingers to form a short of pistol. A ball of dancing green light formed at the end of her fingertips; she looked for a target and found one in the tongue pulling on Jasper. She fired and the ball of energy struck the beast’s tongue, burning it. The monster howled with pain and Jasper finally leapt out.

           The monster let out a deafening roar that was unlike any monster or animal the Crystal Gems have encounter. A collection of a thousand sounds fused into one and when they finally got a good look at the beast’s form they understood why. While they watched in concern for Jasper earlier Steven and the rest missed the fragmented Gem shards scattered about the beast’s neck, alongside mounds of flesh stitched together like a deformed jigsaw puzzled with the shards. As its neck moved chimes of the Gem shards clicking against each other rang.

           “What kind of—abomination is that?” Jack gasped.

           “It’s composed of approximately five hundred Gem shards and eight different species of organic matter,” Peridot analyzed with her screen. “A hybrid monster?”

           “Was that what started the fire? What’s it doing here?” Steven inquired.

Another roar was released, thunderous and paralyzing that made them cover their ears against its strength. As they struggled to open their eyes, the creature slammed its head on the ground and swung it towards them.

           Peridot instinctively grabbed Steven and Lapis who flew them both out of the way. Jasper and Jack weren’t so lucky, colliding with the full force of the attack that sent them flying.

           “Mom! Jack!” Steven cried.

           “Lapis, fly us out of here!” Peridot ordered.

           For once Lapis was ready to comply with a Peridot order. Her clear wings flapped in the opposite direction.

           “What? No, Lapis, we hafta go back!” Steven argued.

           “Steven, let Jasper and Jack handle it, they know more about defeating monster than any of us do,” said Peridot.

           Steven looked to Lapis. “Peridot’s right, Steven, this thing looks really strong.”

           Jasper and Jack recovered in the blink of an eye. Jack held his sword at his side with both hands tight on the handle as he dashed. The monster dove down and snapped its jaws; Jack dodged and slashed the blade across its mighty temple, but the beast did not show signs of distress for the attack. It slammed its wide forehead into Jack and threw him into the air. Jasper came in while the beast’s attention was on Jack; she balled her hand into a firm fist and punched into a cluster of shards at the bottom of the monster’s neck thinking it would harm it more to have its Gem shards attacked. The monster didn’t even flinch, turning to Jasper. The pool of blood eyed her as its next prey.

           Steven wriggled out of Lapis’ hand and dropped straight down, ignoring the call of Peridot and Lapis. Summoning Jasper’s helmet over his head, Steven charged, shouting a battle cry that was anything but intimidating coming out of him. But it served its purpose, alerting the beast away from Jasper and on to him. Jasper froze out of shock as the beast eyed her son; its terrifying shot towards Steven and Jasper suddenly moved to reach him, but at her distance she couldn’t reach him in time. The beast slammed its head down and swung it like a golf club. Steven planted his feet firm on the ground, closed his eyes to keep his body from shaking, and stood his ground. The monster’s head collided with Steven’s helmet like two mountain crashing into each other. But Steven did not budge from the collision.

           The shock of the impact harmed the beast more than it did to Steven. Its head lay lifeless on the ground while Steven was virtually unharmed and unmoved. The others were the same level of shock; Peridot had completely passed out cold. When he opened his eyes, realizing he was the victor, he looked upon the beast’s multicolored skin and flinched with pain.  

           “Sorry about that, but you were attacking my mom and no one attacked my mom!” Steven scolded.

           Lapis shook Peridot awake. “STEVEN!”

           Peridot dropped down and clung to Steven with every limb in her body. Steven tried to breathe through her suffocation; he suddenly felt the shadow of his mother over him. She looked at the lifeless monster head and then at Steven wearing her helmet without a scratch on him. A shard on the monster’s body was bigger than Steven and yet he took down a beast. Steven gulped, already dreading what his mother would do to him. Jasper knelt down and as Steven began to tremble she bumped her forehead against his tenderly, but it was a moment that ended too abruptly.

           A rumble in the ground startled them into thinking the creature was not yet finished, but the monster’s head was unconscious and still. The shaking came once again from below.

           An explosion of dirt. Heads and necks just as long and huge as the downed one, each one grabbing Steven and the others one by one and still having a dozen more heads. Steven found himself between a great pair of red eyes staring at him with hunger. Jasper was stuck in between the jaws of one head just as before. Peridot thrashed like a fish of water while her suit was caught between the fangs of another head. Lapis was locked alongside Jack as one of the beast’s heads wrapped its neck around them like a noose. The ground split open, finally the rest of the beast was revealed to have a single body joining all the heads together, a hide with many Gem and animal shards linked together like a ghoulish tapestry.

           “What…a lot of heads you have,” said Steven.

           The head he rode on roared which alerted the closest monster head of the prey nearby. Its forked tongue licked its crusty lips.

           “Y-You don’t want to eat me. I’m all skin and hair!” Steven pleaded. Obviously the monster didn’t hear him.

           The head opened its jaws wide which split its head in half. Steven moved faster than he thought he could, jumping off the head just when the other head crunched down; he slid down the bumpy skin. He could hear the cries of pain from every single head as its own fangs dug into its flesh; Steven realized the heads shared each other’s pain. Steven stopped on top of the monster’s body.

           A vice grip, the monster’s neck pushed Lapis and Jack close together until they couldn’t bear it any more. Lapis could seldom summon the water to her aid, the pressure disrupted her concentration. Jack had his arms pinned so he could not swing his sword.

           Peridot fired widely into the air without any of the aiming Jasper recruited her for. She tried anything to keep the heads away from her, which worked in the lowest sense since the heads were more dumbfounded at the hysterical green Gem firing like mad than they were interested in devouring her.

           Jasper bashed her foot on the beast’s tender gums, anything to cause discomfort so she could escape. Every time she did the head winced. Steven landed on the monster’s body and spotted one of the heads cringe with pain and immediately knew it was the one that held him mother.

           He had to think fast. Steven looked around for anything that could help him. He saw the green pasture below, the two dozen or so heads thankfully ignorant of where Steven was because of his small stature, and each of his friends in their entrapments. Nothing he saw could help him. A boiling noise ran up the monster’s body and split into each of its neck, it was readying itself to unleash its fire. Suddenly a glare from the sun hit his eye; it was small but he could see the tip of Jack’s sword like a drop of silver in the middle of a pool of blackness. But Steven also saw its owner unable to swing it even barely.

           “Jack! Drop your sword down to me!” Steven yelled.

           “Wh—at?” Jack uttered, strained.

           “You gotta do it, Jack; it’s the only way I can get you guys out!”

           “D-D-Don’t you d-d-dare try to f-f-f-fight this thing, Steven! You have t-t-t-to get away while you can!” Peridot stammered while shooting.

           “Peridot! If—Steven—has a plan that’ll—save us from dying—we should—at least—let him—try!” Jasper said through grit teeth.

           The monster’s many pairs of eyes were in front of Peridot, ready to snap once she stopped shooting, and it wouldn’t be long before her Limb Enhancers ran out of energy. She broke out in a nervous sweat while thinking until she at last nodded her head. Jack released his grip and his sword fell through.

           Steven ran to the falling sword fast, without the slightest idea how he was going to catch it. Floundering, he reached out his hand with his eyes shut and waited. By some twist of fortune, the blade landed in Steven’s hand by the hilt and Steven exhaled his fright; meanwhile, Peridot, who watched the sword nearly stab Steven, turned pale.

           Jack’s sword was heavier than Steven expected it to be. All the times he watched Jack swing it without breaking a sweat made him assume the blade was lighter than air, but holding it with both hands Steven was nearly brought to the ground by its weight. The ancient leather, untouched by time since it was made, scratched against Steven’s palms as he raised the sword above his head. He buried the silver blade into the creature’s body, plunging it as deep as he could push it down through the thick skin. Every head on the monster screeched in agony.

Steven quickly pulled the sword out. “Peridot, shoot here!”

           For once, Peridot didn’t stop to worry about Steven’s health. She aimed and with the calmest she’d been since the monster appeared Peridot fired into the tiny wound Steven left for her. The ball of energy slipped through the cracks and struck inside the wound, delivering a stronger, burning pain that tortured the monster. It released its grip on Lapis and Jack, allowing them to escape; and in its screaming state, Jasper jumped free. Peridot fell with a thud. At last the Crystal Gems reunited on the monster’s body.

           “Nice thinking, Steven,” said Jack, taking back his sword.

           “And you thought he couldn’t do it,” Lapis said to Peridot.

           Peridot gave her Steven a weak smile.

           Jasper didn’t drop her guard. The monster’s heads finish screaming and they began searching for the prey that evaded their sights.

           “Got any other ideas, kiddo?” Jasper asked, expecting anything at that point.

           “As long as we hurt the monster’s body the rest of the heads won’t be able to do anything,” explained Steven.

           Jasper cracked her knuckles, a devilish grin outlining her face. “So I can finally hurt this big thing after it got its tongue on me? Perfect.”

           She reeled her thick arm back and struck the monster’s body with all her power, which was an attack that sent shockwaves along the skin. The monster screech all at once. The other Gems followed Jasper’s strategy, attacking the hide with their own attacks. Steven, the odd one out, had only his helmet as a weapon, so he got on his hands and knees and repeatedly bashed the blunt end of the helmet down, a strategy that worked in the first few attacks but afterwards caused whiplash in the poor boy.

The most uncoordinated attacks hurt the monster tenfold. Each attack sent the monster into a spiral of agony, stopping any attempt it made to strike its attackers. Moving failed to shake off the other as well. But as fun as Jasper found it to torture the monster, she stopped her assault to search for some way to put an end to the battle and bubble the abomination. Already the monster had seemed stronger than any the Crystal Gems have faced, being able to withstand the barrage of attacks without collapsing in defeat. Jasper thought back to the moments leading up to this to find anything that could give some clue.

As unpleasant as it was to be reminded of the disgusting instance, Jasper thought back to when she was inside the monster’s mouth, twice. Kicking the monster’s gums made its head wince and when Peridot struck its tongue the monster screamed in pain. Jasper made the discovery and came up with a plan.

Jasper latched herself one of the necks and started climbing it like a beetle. The others watched with puzzlement as she reached all the way to the top of one of the monster’s heads and struggle to keep her balance amongst its many thrashes. She took a deep breath and bolted, jumping from one head and straight into the mouth of another.

“MOM!” Steven cried.

“Jasper, what—?” Jack couldn’t fathom the reason why.

The monster’s heads became empowered with the strongest of them finally gone. They targeted what tortured them, bloodlust bubbling in their eyes. Steven and the others were paralyzed by Jasper’s action, waiting for the results of her plan to show. The monsters began to close the gap between them.

A gurgle in their throats. The monster heads and the Crystal Gems looked down at a bump moving beneath the dark skin. A pause and then the monster howled, louder than before. The heads twisted and flopped wild, their necks crinkling like a slinky. Suddenly every neck stood at attention straight up. A light appeared on the monster’s back and it quickly spread throughout its body, climbing each neck and covering every head. Lapis grabbed Steven and Peridot and flew away; Jack jumped over the edge. In an explosion of light and smoke the monster was at last poofed.

A flurry of small puffs of smoke flew from the big burst. Countless tiny explosions popping as fast as bubbles, and from them fell shards to the earth. They clashed against each other, while others landed on the slabs of animal flesh that fell without such grace. The pasture was full of precious shards that glistened under the sun, more than Peridot had initially counted. And standing in the middle of them all, Jasper, without a single hair out of place on her body. She knelt to the ground and bubbled a tiny orange shard in front of her. Steven and the others started bubbling each and every shard, individually, tapping them and sending them away as quickly as they bubbled. It took hours to bubble the tiniest shard, but they worked without fail and once the sun began to set in the horizon the last of the shards was sent back to the temple. At last all traces of the monster were gone.

“Was this a Homeworld attack?” Jack asked.

“No, Homeworld never deals with organic life. This must’ve been the work of a rogue Gem experimenting,” said Jasper.

“I have no record of any other experimenting Gems stationed on this planet. This must be someone new from when after I left,” said Peridot.

“Whoever it was, she won’t be launching any other attacks for some time after we took down something this big,” said Jasper.

She turned to Steven, hands on her hips, taking on a motherly stance. Steven all of a sudden wondered if she was still mad about before.

“I’m proud of you, kiddo,” she started. Steven’s eyes glowed. “You stood your ground against a bigger enemy, you made strategies, and most of all you weren’t reckless with your actions. That’s what a true Quartz warrior does in combat. You got strong before I knew it. Maybe one day, you’ll be stronger than me.”

“R-Really?” Steven gasped.

It was all Steven wanted to hear. He looked up to his mom more than any other Gem. Every time he pushed himself to the breaking point he did it to get closer to his mother’s level, not knowing just how much farther it would be. To hear Jasper say that revitalized Steven’s energy. Jasper knew it to be true and while the thought of becoming weaker frightened her a bit she felt it was a sacrifice she could make for her son. After all, she gave up her strength so that Steven could have his life. And she never once regretted that decision.  

[stevenuniversallyreviews]

Episode 82: Barn Mates

“Things didn't exactly work out for either of us.”

The biggest shame of the infamous leaked promo of this episode is how shocking the premise was even five episodes ago. Peridot and Lapis Lazuli both began as antagonists, even if the former was on the road to reforming and the latter was sympathetic in her opposition to the Crystal Gems. An episode focusing on the first two new Gems we met, butting heads but not outright fighting, was something that would’ve been difficult to see coming without Cartoon Network deciding to make it easy to see coming. I’m not about to knock the episode itself for something out of its control, but it’s worth making a note of because of how damaging spoiled content can be for the enjoyment of a story, even years after the fact. I’m so grateful I avoided the mega leak of Season 5, I’d have been devastated.

Anyway. Peridot and Lapis. Two outcasts, both with exceptional debuts and wildly different arcs, together again at last. While it’s been established that Lapis doesn’t get along with anyone but Steven, we haven’t seen her interact with any character but Steven for any extended period of time. And it turns out she’s a huge jerk! This isn’t a criticism, it makes perfect sense that she’s a huge jerk, but it’s fascinating that Peridot, who began as an outright villain and was an antisocial mess even after allying with the Crystal Gems, is the one who has our sympathies. She’s grown, but Lapis hasn’t.

Barn Mates at times feels perfunctory, leaning into traditional sitcom tropes like splitting a room in half and sticking to a formulaic “series of failures until a success” structure. It’s paced like Kindergarten Kid in this regard, and owes a lot to the Looney Tunes formula of using the full runtime to tell a series of jokes, with the key difference being that the more hapless character in the pair (the Daffy Duck to the slick Bugs Bunny) gets a happy ending.

Still, it’s effective in telling a story about two characters that were bound to clash. While the episode makes clear that part of the issue is a failure to communicate, I think what matters more is that Peridot never genuinely apologizes to Lapis. She wants Lapis to understand that she’s changed, but she hasn’t changed enough to realize how important it is to say sorry and to mean it. The culminating speech is more about wanting to help Lapis through a rough transition, which is still nice, but it makes sense that Lapis remains mad at someone who appears to have no regrets about wronging her.

Steven at least pays lip service to the idea of Peridot apologizing, and she does try in her tone deaf letter, but we never get the sense that remorse is an actual factor at play. A lesson downplaying the importance of apologies isn’t ideal, but Peridot isn’t an ideal person, but I think Barn Mates gets by thanks to her ability to sincerely explain what she does feel, which is a sense of kinship with Lapis and the desire to help someone in the way she was helped. Even three seasons in, it’s still refreshing to see that this show is more interested in realistic and relatable characters than morals of the week.  

Now, communication failure still matters here, and Peridot’s last gesture is her most interesting in this regard. While I normally appreciate subtlety on this show (and most shows), I actually think it’s a missed opportunity that Peridot’s “What, were you trapped in a tape recorder too!?” wasn’t met with any variant of “Uh, yes.” Because, yeah, that’s pretty much what Lapis was up to during her imprisonment in The Mirror, and making this clear not only to younger audience members but to Steven and Peridot would continue the episode’s motif of Peridot’s intentions missing the mark in concrete ways. Her letter doubles down on the notion that Lapis was more valuable for her knowledge than herself, the lake clumsily forgets that Lapis was trapped underwater until like yesterday, and the recorder just as clumsily forgets about Lapis’s longtime inability to speak outside of recordings. It may be fun to “get it” when a plot point is subtle, but I think the episode would benefit from a more explicit escalation.

Especially because without this clear connection to Lapis’s past, her destruction of the recorder and response to Peridot’s heartfelt speech about not being alone goes from understandably irked to outright malicious. Her attitude makes sense, but it’s jarring to see her swing this far from who she was in Same Old World without a solid explanation. 

This may be an episode about a tense argument, but this is still Zuke’n’Florido, so we get a ton of laughs to grease the wheels. Steven has moved from his Guitar Dad style to classic “kid who got into anime” style, and god bless him, he can’t draw hands. This is the sort of characterizing humor I come here for.

It’s already established that these two boarders excel at writing for Peridot, who shines in her new conspiratorial role with Steven. But I’m so glad this is the team that introduces us to Peridot and Lapis as a pair: two ornery misfits, one small and antsy, the other tall and angsty, who somehow manage to get along. Lapis may be less overtly comedic than Peridot, but she’s so dramatic in the face of Peridot’s goofiness that the tension itself becomes funny. This is also the premiere of Lapis as the world’s driest water witch: Jennifer Paz’s “But...thanks...for the lake” is a deliciously brutal punchline.

Peridot may have grown a lot since her debut, she’s not exactly at the finish line. Again, she displays no remorse and is bad at communicating, but there’s something so perfectly Peridot about spending an episode trying furiously and impatiently to explain that she’s empathetic and patient now. Even after she puts Lapis’s needs first, she comes right back to make it all about herself. This wouldn’t have been half the episode it is if Peridot had any idea how to be a good friend. 

It might be convenient that outside forces come right on time to bring Lapis and Peridot to an understanding, but there was no realistic way that Lapis would ever come around without interference. She’s still super messed up, so it’d be a bit ridiculous for her to start trusting someone who betrayed her after a few faulty gestures and a speech. I love that after an episode of simmering anger, it’s only with an outburst of rage directed at the Roaming Eye that Lapis is finally able to connect a little with Peridot: this isn’t a perfect relationship, and it shouldn’t get off to a perfect start.

Barn Mates has a far different tone than Same Old World or Hit the Diamond, so it’s amazing how seamlessly the three episodes fit together thanks to back-to-back cliffhangers. What’s even more impressive is that this is the second episode in the row that’s largely setup (what Same Old World is to Lapis’s arc, Barn Mates is to Lapis and Peridot’s relationship) but feels watchable in a vacuum. I’ve said before and I’ll probably say again that I wasn’t huge on the first two episodes of this season, but the World/Mates/Diamond trilogy more than makes up for it.  

If every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn’t have inconsistencies…

How is this episode not called Space Invaders? It’s about two aliens literally invading each others’ space, and ends with a UFO dropping by. It even fits in with our next episode’s title belying its non-cosmic plot. Come on, people.

I’ve never been to this…how do you say…school?

So is Steven a teacher or an administrator in this universe? Either way, this is a great picture.

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

The formulaic vignettes and Lapis’s understandable but off-putting attitude would, in most cases, place this pretty low on the rewatch list. And let’s be clear, it isn’t super high either. But it’s saying a lot that an episode with so much theoretically going against it can be this enjoyable.

Top Fifteen

Steven and the Stevens

Mirror Gem

Lion 3: Straight to Video

Alone Together

The Return

Jailbreak

The Answer

Sworn to the Sword

Rose’s Scabbard

Coach Steven

Giant Woman

Winter Forecast

When It Rains

Catch and Release

Chille Tid

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon

Bubble Buddies

Tiger Millionaire

Lion 2: The Movie

Rose’s Room

An Indirect Kiss

Ocean Gem

Space Race

Garnet’s Universe

Warp Tour

The Test

Future Vision

On the Run

Maximum Capacity

Marble Madness

Political Power

Full Disclosure

Joy Ride

Keeping It Together

We Need to Talk

Cry for Help

Keystone Motel

Back to the Barn

Steven’s Birthday

It Could’ve Been Great

Message Received

Log Date 7 15 2

Same Old World

Like ‘em

Gem Glow

Frybo

Arcade Mania

So Many Birthdays

Lars and the Cool Kids

Onion Trade

Steven the Sword Fighter

Beach Party

Monster Buddies

Keep Beach City Weird

Watermelon Steven

The Message

Open Book

Story for Steven

Shirt Club

Love Letters

Reformed

Rising Tides, Crashing Tides

Onion Friend

Historical Friction

Friend Ship

Nightmare Hospital

Too Far

Barn Mates

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack

Together Breakfast

Cat Fingers

Serious Steven

Steven’s Lion

Joking Victim

Secret Team

Say Uncle

Super Watermelon Island

Gem Drill

No Thanks!

     5. Horror Club      4. Fusion Cuisine      3. House Guest      2. Sadie’s Song      1. Island Adventure

[love-takes-work]

Best Buds Together Fun Outline & Review

Best Buds Together Fun is a lovely little activity book...with a few Easter Eggs for fans!

This activity book is for child fans of Steven Universe (and, well, maybe for some of us who aren't so much children). Most of the quizzes and activities are lighthearted little amusements for kids, and there are paper cutouts to play with, but as usual with Steven Universe materials, there are also a few tidbits of information that might be enlightening to overanalytical fans like yours truly.

As in most of the other books, the outfits for the Gems flip flop between older and newer outfits, which just by itself makes you wonder "when" in the continuity this book fits, and then on top of that there are many references to Homeworld Gems as "villains" even though at the time of the book's release, two of the former villains are on friendly terms with the Crystal Gems.

If Peridot is still a villain for purposes of this book, it probably can be placed somewhere between episodes 67 and 68. (I say 68 because it also has a reference to Connie still wearing her glasses even though she doesn't need them, and she stops doing that after 68.) The cover features Steven and Connie high-fiving in the foreground, with a background of Pearl and Garnet in their beach outfits from "Beach Party" (with Amethyst as their beach ball).

Here's an overview of what you can find in the book. At the end I list glitches or especially interesting bits for SU nerds.

☆ Crystal Gems ☆

Steven and the Gems welcome you, encourage you to be a Crystal Gem even though you don't have Gem powers, and provide you with a detailed table of contents festooned with Crying Breakfast Friends stickers, stars, and Cookie Cats. You're then invited to fill out personal info and pick a Gem to become part of the team (potentially based on your birthstone; mine's Garnet!), and then there are some cutouts of the Crystal Gems with stands so you can put them on your desk.

They also have some catch phrases in talk bubbles that you can put beside them. Pearl's is "Some of us are trying to protect humanity" (from "Laser Light Cannon"); Steven's is "I am pretty great!" (from "So Many Birthdays"); Amethyst's is "Chill it, dude" (from "Cat Fingers"), and Garnet's is "Don't hold back!" (from "Lars and the Cool Kids"). And then you can draw yourself (with a star on your clothes, they instruct) so you can be part of the team. Cute!

Then there's a Fusion activity. You get to write about who you'd like to fuse with and do a quiz to make sure you know your Crystal Gem Fusions, featuring Alexandrite, Stevonnie, Garnet, Opal, Sugilite, and Sardonyx. Nice to see Sardonyx here! She was left out of the Guide to the Crystal Gems, presumably because it was unknown whether her reveal episode would have been released by the time the book was (it had been). And finally, there's a quiz about each Crystal Gem. Four questions each test your knowledge of Garnet, Pearl, Amethyst, and Steven.

☆ Beach City ☆

Next up, Beach City. First, there's a map for when you come to Beach City! Beach City businesses are featured next, with a maze to solve to help Steven get fry bits from Beach Citywalk Fries and an empty plate on which to draw your own pizza from Fish Stew Pizza. Then there's a Ronaldo page encouraging you to discuss what weird stuff happens in YOUR hometown.

And for the Big Donut, you get a job application so you can work with Lars and Sadie. Answer honestly!

Next we're off to Funland Arcade where you can design a video game, and there's a search activity to find certain items in Greg's U Stor unit.

☆ Humans ☆

Human characters are next on the list. We get a picture of some of the human characters with hints, and then there's a Connie quiz and a Greg quiz, and there's a place to write a "killer song" like the one Greg had to win Rose Quartz's heart.

☆ Villains ☆

Next, we have a section for the villains. Cutouts for Peridot, Lapis Lazuli, and Jasper come first, with stands for them and some accessories for Peridot. These guys also get talk bubbles: Peridot's say "They're the ones that keep breaking my machines!" (from "The Return") and "You clods don't know what you're doing!" (from "Jailbreak"); Jasper's says "Why are you so weak?" (from "The Return"), and Lapis Lazuli's says "I'm tired of being everyone's prisoner. Now you're my prisoner, and I'm never letting you go!" (from "Jailbreak").

There's a place for you to record and retaliate against a Homeworld attack message, and then you're supposed to write about your fears and draw a monster. Next we see a mirror like Lapis's where you're supposed to write the story of another mirror-trapped Gem and give it a name, as well as your own intentions toward it. And then there are images of opponents the Gems have fought for you to write in their names.

☆ Objects ☆

The next section seems to be about objects. The next activity has a collection of objects that belong to characters (including less obvious ones, like a pile of junk from Amethyst's room!), and you're supposed to identify who the items belong to.

Then we have a Warp Pad Connections page where you play squares, then a list of what you'd pack for a trip in your Cheeseburger Backpack. Then there's a shot of Amethyst's room (from "So Many Birthdays") where you compare one picture with another to spot the differences.

☆ Adventure ☆

The next section is adventure themed. The next activity is a memory test; you look at a picture and then answer questions on the next page. It's reasonably difficult since some of the questions aren't super straightforward (e.g., what weapons are the Gems using? They aren't!).

Then you get to fill out specifics of your perfect celebration party on becoming a Crystal Gem, and draw a comic about your own first Gem adventure (helped along by stills from the show--Steven with star eyes and Steven packing helpful items from "Cheeseburger Backpack," the Gems collectively attacking and Garnet's reluctant face from "Marble Madness," a crowd scene of humans from "Ocean Gem," and the "congratulations" scene of Garnet, Pearl, and Amethyst from "The Test"). And there's a board game you play with penny markers and coin tosses, with bonuses and setbacks themed from the show.

You also get to do a Mad Libs style fill-in adventure like "Garnet's Universe," a word search of SU-associated words, decode a message, and come up with imaginative social media status updates you think the characters would have.

There's a coloring page for the Crystal Gems, a journal page for your adventure, a place to draw your dream home, and a choice of activities to do with your best buddy. You can cut out a Steven-themed door hanger, and fill out info about your family, and plan a family meal and discussion, and document your family history.

☆ Join the Team ☆

And finally, you get to cut out your honorary Crystal Gem certificate and check your answers in the back. I thought the "answer" to your Big Donut application being an illustration of Lars saying "Hmm, we'll review your answers and get back to you!" was really cute.

☆ Notable bits and questions: ☆

1. In the Garnet quiz, you're asked to pick the component Gems of her Fusion. The choices are all familiar Gems except in two answers "Turquoise" is an option. It made me wonder if there will someday be a character named Turquoise.

2. In the Pearl quiz, you're asked to guess how old Pearl is. The only possible answer that makes sense is "several thousand years." They're not nailing her age down yet, but we know the youngest she could possibly be is around 9,000--she once claimed she was "only a few thousand years old" when she began fighting alongside Rose Quartz, and we see her doing so in an episode that took place 5,750 years ago, so even if that was the earliest she started fighting with Rose, she was a few thousand years old by that point.

3. I like that they put quotation marks around the word "born" when referring to a Gem being made.

4. One of the Steven quiz questions asks for the name of Steven's rock band. One of the multiple-choice answers is "REO Steve Wagon." Another one is "The Rolling Gem Stones." Oh my god. (Do you have to be old to get these?)

5. The Beach City map is cool--I wish there had been a way to include it in a bigger format. I have actually seen the high-res art version of this and it's so much better if you can really read everything. It has references to old docks that were destroyed, which roads go into Beach City (SR 13, I-95, toward 1A), and plenty of locations both familiar and unmentioned in the show. The peninsula Beach City is on in Delmarva is bordered by Rehoboth Bay and the Atlantic Ocean. The map features a compass rose--you know, with actual roses on it and Rose Quartz's symbol. Nice touch.

6. One of the images on Ronaldo's page purports to picture a psychic duck. It kinda looks like a Psyduck from Pokémon.

7. The U Stor search is interesting. Most of the items really were pictured in Greg's storage unit at some point. I was particularly interested in the fact that the mysterious totem pole was in there, and it was reproduced as it is in the show. It's a weird item, with one face that looks like it has Rose's shield, one face that looks like it has Jasper's Gemstone, and the top face looking like one of the birds from "Giant Woman." Some of the items actually are difficult to find, which is nice, and though it asks you to find a Mr. Universe record album, the thing that's there is actually a CD.

8. In the section where you fill in the names of the show's humans, the show refers to them as "Boardies." Connie technically isn't a Boardie--she doesn't even live in Beach City.

9. The book refers to fry bits as "Steven's favorite food." I think there have been several different foods that are his favorites, but this is the first time I've seen one specifically called out to be THE favorite. Surprised it's not Cookie Cats.

10. Peridot's villain cutout, featuring her with her limb enhancers, also has a couple robonoids and some mysterious star-shaped objects. They look almost identical to the drill parasites from "Arcade Mania." That's peculiar because those were "children" of the Gem Cave Creature, not a piece of Homeworld technology.

11. In the section where you're supposed to write out the names of opponents the Crystal Gems have fought, two of them are corrupted Gem monsters and their names are kind of arbitrary descriptions, not officially assigned in the show. In the supplemental materials associated with these characters, they're called the Ice Monster (from "Monster Buddies") and Watermelon Tourmaline (from "Beach Party"), but the answer key calls the latter "Giant Puffer Fish." (The characters never call the Ice Monster anything; they just fight it.)

12. In the Spot the Differences activity in Amethyst's room, the answer key is slightly incomplete. The key shows five differences: 1. A cup that's labeled "#1 Gem" vs. "#1 Dad"; 2. Pearl's hair color; 3. Amethyst's knee star color; 4. A moon replica that's there in one shot and is gone in the other; and 5. A dark object that's next to Steven's feet in one shot but not in the other. It's a little petty, but the bottom picture is also cropped just a little differently, so you can see a shred more of the image on the bottom picture's left side and a little less of it on the right.

13. The memory test where you answer questions after looking at a scene has a potentially misleading question. They ask you to name the colors of Pearl's clothes, and the answer key only has blue, pink, and green. The star on her chest is also yellow.

14. The mini board game is cute, but it would be hard to play in the book because it doesn't lie flat and the board area would need to be open flatly enough to put penny markers on. You'd have to pull out the pages.

Activity squares give you a bonus for finding Cookie Cats at the store (but wait, they're discontinued!), set you back if you lose some of your GUYS (featuring two Dave Guys), give you a bonus if you win a singing contest at Beach-A-Palooza (even though the talent show does not appear to actually be a contest in the show), set you back if you're attacked by clones of yourself like in "Steven and the Stevens," give you a bonus if you fuse with the other Gems (whoa! the space features Alexandrite), give you a bonus for using a Warp Pad, set you back if your homemade spaceship falls apart like in "Space Race," and have you win if you're first to get back to the Temple.

15. The "choose an activity and then make plans to do the activity" page is funny since some of them aren't possible. I mean, sure I can choose between volleyball and football, or going to an amusement park vs. going to the movies, or reading a book vs. playing with toys, or riding a bike vs. a unicycle, or going to school vs. going shopping. But I'm afraid I can't make plans to fly like a bird or swim like a fish, fuse with Pearl or Amethyst, or fight a Gem Monster or Homeworld Gem. And I can't choose between Cookie Cats or Lion Lickers, since neither exists in my world and Cookie Cats are discontinued in Steven's world! Waaah!

16. The "family portrait" illustrations in the family section surprised me! The Rose Quartz portrait is well known to fans, but the image of Greg with his arm around Steven and the Gems posing around him is new! So is the image of Steven on Garnet's shoulders with all the Gems waving at you congratulating you for becoming a Crystal Gem. It's cute.

And your congratulatory certificate is signed by the Gems. Pearl has loopy cursive and Amethyst has blocky print as you'd expect, but Garnet's signature is uncharacteristically elegant; it's a little tighter but just as fancy as Pearl's. You'd expect it to be a little bolder, knowing Garnet. So this was cool to see.

[SU Book and Comic Reviews]

[love-takes-work]

Single-Gem Garnets and other Fusion things

For a long while, some SU theory dorks (uhh, myself among them) have wondered whether Gems we only know as Fusions could exist as single Gems, and recently in the Steven Universe podcast Rebecca Sugar confirmed that the answer to this is yes. Yes, there could be a single-Gem Garnet or an Opal or an Alexandrite occurring naturally on Homeworld or another Gem-controlled planet. We haven't met any, but it is possible.

Rebecca certainly answered a question for us there, but giving us that information opened up a door to more of what we don't know. For a long time I've personally wondered how Garnet decided she was Garnet; so far in the show as of this posting, we do NOT know how Garnet came to call herself by this new Gem name, since the flashback episode "The Answer" made it clear she didn't even know what she was, much less who.

As the (presumably) first cross-Gem Fusion, Garnet had the opportunity to set a precedent: when a new Gem is formed through different Gems fusing, how do they identify? She clearly came up with a Gem name that matched her rich red coloring, but what else about her Fusion identity developed into something she could recognize as quintessentially Garnet?

We still have no idea how Fusions get their names. The first Fusion we saw who did not know their own name upon appearing in the show was Stevonnie, and they are an exception to the rule since neither Steven nor Connie use gemstone names and they are not combining two Gem identities.

But then we see Smoky Quartz, who appears to remember rather than realize their name. The information came from Amethyst's memory, which had to have been established from fusing with Rose Quartz before Steven was around. Smoky immediately concluded that they are Smoky Quartz because "A Rose Quartz and an Amethyst make a Smoky Quartz." Like it's an equation, not a decision.

But they of course are not the same Smoky as Amethyst and Rose Quartz were together, any more than Steven "is" Rose Quartz, because in "Know Your Fusion," Smoky refers to Amethyst and Steven's first fusion as "when I became me" and commented that between then and now they've "only existed for like ten minutes." They're a new entity, but the equation that makes them Smoky Quartz is very old.

Back to Garnet.

Rebecca Sugar made it clear that a non-Fusion Garnet would look very different. I believe this implies that Garnets generally look a certain way while Fusions are based on the combined traits of their components while having something in common with the single-Gem version. It's got to be more than their color, but my theory is that it is unlikely to be associated with the powers and abilities they have. 

Garnet's Future Vision is derived from Sapphire's Future Vision, and there's no reason another Gem would have that if it's a Sapphire thing. 

Garnet has her gauntlets, which are derived from Ruby's weapon, and there's no reason another Gem would have Ruby gauntlets. 

And Garnet is as big as some Quartzes despite not being a Quartz, has three eyes, and has electric abilities that are implied to originate from the mixture of Ruby's heat and Sapphire's cold. There's no reason a single-Gem Garnet would have any of those things.

So what, besides the color, would our Garnet have in common with a non-Fusion Homeworld Garnet? And what facet arrangement would a non-Fusion Garnet have? Had Ruby or Sapphire met any non-Fusion Garnets? Or did one or both just know they existed and found something in common with them? That actually seems unlikely considering they were convinced they were "something entirely new" together, and their brave act of deciding to live as Garnet seems like one they would not choose to name after an oppressor or an enemy.

Ultimately, this whole thing just made me more curious about how Fusions get their names and how intentional the process is. I lean toward believing the identification as a new type of Gem has to come from within, using little external input. I believe that because of Malachite. Lapis and Jasper were both unlikely candidates for having much personal experience with fusion, but they still settled on the name Malachite for their Fusion despite the months-long struggle that defined her existence. Furthermore, nobody ELSE knew to call their Fusion a Malachite until Lapis revealed what her name was to Steven. Garnet, the local fusion expert, referred to Malachite as "Lapis and Jasper" in “Love Letters,” and Pearl called her “Lapis and Jasper’s Fusion” in "Chille Tid." I believe the Fusion has to realize who they are, and that it probably isn't a matter of simply recognizing what the Fusion's Gems resemble from outside.

I REALLY want a follow-up episode about Garnet as an early Crystal Gem discovering her identity and finding her spot on the team, and if we DO get that I'd LOVE to hear some conversation between Garnet and Rose about how to go about naming herself. 

I really hope the show doesn't just skip over this and jump to the part where everyone's already calling her Garnet. It would be so great if there was a whole focus on this, about how she's getting sick of Pearl and others calling her "The Fusion," feeling self-conscious about other Gems being spooked by her or wanting to know all about her when she's not even sure what she feels yet . . . and I like to think it would be empowering to see Garnet determining her name and deciding this "someone" she's become deserves her own label separate from Ruby and Sapphire.

I'm really interested in finding the canon answers to these questions . . . partly because they're fascinating questions with tons of implications for the characters, but . . . to be honest, my curiosity also focuses here because I need more Garnet in my life, and I wanna know everything about her. ^___^