#and label special interests and stuff as cringe

[unfunnystandup]

i LOOOOOOVE having adhd unironically it’s so fucking cool and punk to have 30 thoughts in one second and so many ideas and so much creativity and i can tell u anything about the jfk assassination or 90s sketch comedy or the making of grand theft auto 4 radio shows. neurodivergence is beautiful.

[fma03envy]

.

[permadating]

im making this post on behalf of me and my lover!

hello, me (forest preserve sys, prns depend on fronter), and my lover/psys (daylight, @daysieandco prns also depend on fronter) are looking for a third!

i (forest) am chrono 17, and day is chrono 18. we're both systems and neurodivergent.

our preferences:

should be queer in some way definitely

likes and enjoys hanging out on VC with both of us or with one of us at a time

okay with dating 2 people at the same time and will not prefer one of us over the other

to be single

to be a system or to be neurodivergent as well, trans or cis doesn't matter!

good communication, or willing to work on improving communication

radqueer and very accepting, openminded

pro-para and kink, open to nsfw discussions

an intro for me, forest!

hi! we're the forest preserve, a small-ish system mainly comprised of introjects! our gender and sexuality is very fluid due to systemhood, and every headmate is different from the other! our hobbies include art, writing, reading, watching media, playing ukulele, listening to music, crafting, and more! we like to think of ourselves as hobby hoarders, we wanna try everything! we're autistic, trisnpd, and have many radqueer labels that we enjoy! some cool stuff about us: TWENTY ONE PILOTS IS OUR SPECIAL INTEREST! we also like Minecraft, Bojack Horseman, Arcane, Moral Orel, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Heathers (both movie and musical), Ouran High School Host Club, Disney movies, South Park, our OCs, Deltarune, Ice Berg Youtube Videos, and more if you prod us about it! we're very logical and communicative, and are always willing to make things right and to help others around us.

an intro for daylight!

hi! our system name is daylight savings, but we also go by daylight or luísa! we are a medium-size system mainly composed of brain-made headmates. we are collectively a genderfluid cis-girl, but every headmate is different in gender as well. we are demisexual, demiromantic, and a pan-lesbian. (*some headmates may be different) we really like art, writing+journalling, fashion, makeup, crafting+bookbinding, as well as any other creative activities. our main interests are Twenty One Pilots, politics (disability, queerness, race, identity, etc), gaming (especially Minecraft, Stardew Valley, and Animal Crossing), The Killers, BTS, Youtube watching, etc (you WILL find out). we are bodily Brazilian, autistic, ADHD, bpd, and (medicated) bipolar. we are aplatonic SOOO please no friend! romance or queerplatonic relationships are preferred.

some info about the both of us:

we are misceanimalis, every headmate is a hybrid of some kind and we follow the logic of A/B/O dynamics

we are both very chill, accepting, open-minded, and don't believe in cringe culture. the weirder you are, the better!

we prefer closed-polyamory or semi-closed polyamory (to be discussed)

we bond mainly over voice call and like calling frequently (we can work around your schedules)

we're so sexy and cool

our discords, if you're interested!

forest: theforestpreserve

daylight: delightofday

[prophet-stargazrr]

ー intro

hey. im cyrus, also known as cyrus de lys or my maiden name (not really. a maiden. but you get what i mean) cyrus akagi

heres some useless but interesting enough fun facts about me. feel free to scroll btw

im happily married. have been for like 500+ years. i love my husband so much & i will kill anyone who dares breathe on him wrong or even intend to do something to him /srs

technically the label is demiboy but im kinda questioning that rn. he/they/cosmo pronouns for me blehh

i also hold grudges very easily. i dont forgive easily & i will remember if you do something. i am petty & i am shameless about it. be fucking mad about it

im one of these giratina prophets or whatever. i also have abilities or powers from palkia & dialga so i can do alot of cool stuff. so yeah

im from sinnoh so im not white. dont go assuming im a white boy thats cringe ngl

i really like video games i play them alot too. so if you wanna talk about them or ask for tips or whatever feel free

i love astronomy. its my special interest & i know so much about it. please ask & talk to me about space & shit. please /nf

im autistic as fuck & i fuckin act like it. i use tone tags sometimes & i sometimes need them for context. i dont get hints or social cues they fly right over my head. please use tone tags /gen /srs

oh & also heres my dumb stupid trainer card

volcarona- gochujang [they/them] ー kirlia- danseuse [he/she] ー shaymin- geotjeori [they/them] ー weavile- buchae [she/her] ー mimikyu- seukechi [they/them]

send asks & i'll tag them with whatever. sometimes i'll reblog shit i find cool

[bloody-teared-angel]

Shipping and Fandom used to be fun

Buckle up, long post incoming - will be speaking from my own experience.

My first ever fandom was Transformers. I joined it on Tumblr, I believe in....2013? And on Instagram, 2016-2017. I eventually go back in due to nostalgia so Idk how that fandom is in 2024 but back then it was the most welcoming fandom I could ever been in.

OCs were on the rise, ppl were interested in them, asking for lore even commissioning them themselves, asking permission if they could write about them - OCxCanon was also very popular and overall well received. Whoever made a new OC, they would get adopted into the fandom.

Generally speaking, ppl didn't care what you were shipping, everyone was in their own little corner, doing their own thing, respecting one another.

What I'm trying to say, you could ship the most unconventional ships and the general reaction would be: "Why?" "Idk, I'm having fun." Or "I found it intriguing" or "Because I can."

And that was it. No one pried anymore, no one demanded you spill out your trauma and acted like a moral police of what is acceptable in their eyes and what was not.

Ppl could be shipping Megatron with Arcee or Ratchet and no one would bat an eye, people were having fun - the same went for not liking a character. No one would accuse one another of being 'media illiterate'

"Why don't you like this character?" "Idk, I don't vibe with him." "Ok, cool."

And that was it.

Where I noticed it first would be BNHA/MHA fandom - that fandom is rotten beyond belief the last time I tried to enjoy it but the author made me drop it too with his decisions.

(On Instagram OCs were largely ignored and there was 'No Fun Allowed' type of feel which made me last about....2 months, while trying and giving it a chance)

Probably the biggest one would be Naruto - yes, I dislike Hinata and Sakura, along with NaruHina and SasuSaku but that's due to poor development and their respective fandoms. You were not allowed to say that the ships were poorly developed nor that the female characters are flawed, you were labeled as misogynistic and sexist and I don't know what else. You were not allowed to ship noncanon ship, otherwise the shippers of the canon ones would throw a tantrum in your inbox or notes.

Now that I think about it, HH/HB - Naruto - BNHA/MHA fandoms are.....strikingly similar in that regard.

With this post, some might call me a hypocrite and I won't blame you, I also had some level of immaturity back in the day, which I'm cringing and laughing over now.

There's also a reason I stopped joining most fandoms at the height of their popularity, for the people in those fandoms - most of the time - are riding that high and are almost impossible to talk to, any sort of criticism for said shows or characters are met with hostility, etc.

And listen I've been in the fandom during the woobification of MCU!Loki, I had my fair share of immaturity - i was a kid - now that I am older, I enjoy villains for the sake of being villains and fucked up stuff for the sake of fucked up stuff.

(I'm going to make a statement later down the line so be ready to unfollow, just a heads up - no, I'm not in any drama, just making something clear since I don't want to be perceived as a hypocrite)

Which brings me to HH/HB - why did I follow it at the height of it?

Because I was invested. I had hope.

I enjoyed the Pilot back in 2020, I sat trough entirety of S1 of HB until 'Mammon Special' which then caused me to drop it, due to becoming disinterest and fed up with the double standard and picky narrative.

I had hope, that HH would live up to its hype. It did not for me.

Then the allegations kept coming out and I had lost all hope, the fandom had a level of immaturity that made me turn away completely.

(And I've been there during the r*ylo hype, some of the stuff they came up with was abysmal)

What I'm trying to say that back then everyone was in their own little corner, doing their own thing and then I don't know what happened and it was just influx of 'Fun not allowed' type of things, that made fandoms less fun.

It might not make sense, so I'm open to civil discussions and questions.

(Oh, and, the HP fandom made me be prepared for anything, just saying)

[zootzcoinzthingz]

RECENTLY EDITED DUE TO A MISTYPE IN OUR IDEALS SECTION LMFAOOO. WE DO N O T, IN FACT, SUPPORT CRINGE CULTURE.

ᜊ.. Hi there! feel free to call me zootz! you might recognize that name, that's because this is a sideblog of @zootzbootz

Onto proper introductions now, I go by many names! like zootz as said previously. however, you can also call me drew, louis, ruyu, or lordy. I am a highly feminine transgender rosneoman with a shitton on xenos tacked on! my pronouns are rot/cae/rat/bro/he/cloud/slush/narc/star and nor/mal. orientation wise, I'm an orchidbisexual mainbi cupioromantic omniaesthetic queerplatonic vincian! I reclaim "fag" btw :3 ... oh, both myself and the body are of adult age!

I'm part of a system, though general I'm going to be the main one running this blog!

ᜊ; I made this blog because I find coining terms to be incredibly fun, and wanted a special place for my terms! so, what can you expect from me? primarily, gender and orientation coinings or things that align with such. I can also make name, pronoun, and title packs either for fun or per request. I might also coin other terms. such as things relating to plurality or alterhumanity!

quick side note: I enjoy some media lot of people consider to be "problematic" I consume my interests critically.

ʚ ideals! ɞ

instead of having a traditional dni, I've decided instead to opt for an "ideals" list. letting you all know what we believe in so you can choose to opt in or out based upon that.

we support the following

1. xenogenders and neopronouns

2. "contradictory" labels (mspec lesbians/gays, lesboys, turigirls, etc)

3. genderfucky, pnc, and gnc folk

4. all forms of systems and plurality

5. alterhumanity, otherheartedness, copinglinks, otherkin, constells, endels, transspecies in a non transid way, and new-age kinnies

6. movements like acab, blm, defund the police, stand with ukraine, free palistine, etc.

7. all those with mental health disorders. even/especially the demonized ones

8. objectum and posic identities

9. pro-kink (our blog will be sfw but we DO support y'all!)

10. religious/spiritual folk (who are pro-queer)

--------

we don't support the following

1. pro-contact (harmful) paraphilias

2. alt-right stuff

3. radfems

4. radqueers

5. xenoids (due to the fact they are inherently anti xenogender)

6. capitalism

7. shielding bigotry with religion. (not exclusive to chritianity)

8. transid (transage, transabled, transrace/rcta)

9. narc abuse truthers

10. anything else that would oppose our ideals

ʚ want to send a request? make sure to follow my rules! ɞ

1. you cannot be against any of our ideals listed above!

2. do not request me to coin anything hateful or harmful.

3. send your request no more than one time.

4. be okay with the fact that there's a chance your request may not get made.

ʚ things I will and won't coin/post ɞ

WILL

- genders inspired by just about anything (minus a few fandoms)

- name/pronoun/title packs

- terms exclusive to conditions that we HAVE

- reclaim/remake/recoin terms made by exclusionists. (they will be given new names to avoid confusion and association)

WON'T

- poc exclusive genders/terms (our body is either white or whitepassing so I'm not comfy with that ! it's not my place!)

- terms exclusive to conditions we DON'T have

- hateful/harmful terms

- terms based off of dsmp, killing stalking, or any other fanbases I end up declining (they're just not my thing and I need to feel some connection to what I'm coining. it has nothing to do with the "problematic nature" of the media. I'm literally a south park fan LMAO)

ᜊ! who can use my terms?

everyone! even if you don't fit my ideals. if one of my terms registers with you, feel free to use it. you simply can't request new ones, and I'd prefer it if you didn't interact with the blog itself, or me at all.

the only exception to the "everyone can use my terms! " thing is if it's exclusive to a certain group.

❥ about reposting our terms.

if you repost our terms on Pinterest, it MUST have a link back to the original coining post, and you must align with our ideals.

if you post our terms on any lgbt/queer/mogai, etc wikis you must assign proper credit to me ofc.

moreover I'd appreciate asking before reposting my terms anywhere, but it's not required as long as you follow my other conditions.

[dumyhead]

anyways erm heres a humongous intro post to my account for 2023!!

my (host) name is sunny, im a white teen from funny upside-down country and im sooo silly and. Cool and amazing😼

more details :

+.* im autistic w anxiety and ocd (and possible adhd)

+.* self-diagnosed-ish osdd-1 system (alter carrd coming soon 😋)

+.* i post art and funny text posts

+.* soo many labels but as of right now i mainly identify as a queer trans/nonbinary/genderqueer gnc person

boundaries/stuff u should know !!

≈ pls dont talk to me abt nsfw stuff unless we're close friends/mutuals and have talked about our boundaries with said content (will get blocked otherwise)

≈ i get anxious in conversations very easily so sorry if i dont respond for a while to certain messages !!

≈ im fine with being tagged in some silly little things and receiving asks, just dont get too personal :3

≈ dont ask for my location or anything alike, that stuff is for extra-close friends

≈ i procrastinate and forget a lot so sometimes ill cancel plans or give up on projects out of nowhere, so dont expect too many big things from this blog

interests !!

bold = hyperfix

italics = special interest

-

mortal kombat

dhmis

madness combat

jerma985

fnaf

undertale

deltarune

the owl house

the walten files

the mandela catalogue

ULTRAKILL

batim:tdr

tf2

hlvrai

scp

ena

plague doctors

torture devices/methods

psychology

anatomy

sea creatures

bugs

horror in general

baking/cooking

dni !!

× proshippers, comshippers, profic, whatever term you guys use nowadays

× exclus

× stans of real-life serial killers and criminals

× zoophiles/feral nsfw enjoyers

× l0li/sh0ta/cub nsfw likers

× bigots in general

× terfs / radfems

× people against sex workers. i mean come on they're just doing their jobs

× people that want to get mental disorders?? like no subliminals arent gonna give you depression man why do you want that 😭😭

× people that believe in cringe culture and cancel culture

.

+

*

ermm i think thats it :3c

have a nice day n take care of urself ‼️💯💪👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

[benry-coinings]

THE BENRY WELCOMES U >;3c

Requests are: OPEN!~

Yo. They call me Benr(e)y because that's my name,,

It/Xe/[REDACTED]/chats/BBBBs/benry/🫧s/🔵s/wins/techs

The Benr(e)y, The creature, The catboy, The catreature, your cringeness, The Online one, The Virtual thing, The Malware, The rat

Im the host of of an ever growing DID system because my autistic ass can't stop splitting fictives. I've got a couple special interests and gender is 1 of them, genders make me happy and i love gender. I also have BPD and i cry a lot oops. I have a girlfriend who's my FP and a bird and i love so much<3. I feel a good and im am like everything ,,.

Request Rules

What the benrey can do

Genders, Gender systems, Objectum Sexualities, Name suggestions, Pronoun suggestions, Name/Pronoun/Identity affirmation

Favorite topics 2 coin on: Software, Tech, Webcore, Oldweb, Gaming, obscure communities no1 rlly cares abt except me, alterhumanity, Weirdcore, Gore, Deretypes, cozycore, joke/meme/funnygenders

Terms related to neurodivergencies we have, those being: Autism, BPD, DID, General Anxiety, Social Anxiety, Depression, Agoraphobia

What the benrey cant do

identities involving groups the creature isn't part of (ex. the host is white and there4 wont be coining any POC specific identities)

Non Objectum Sexualities

Terms rel8d 2 fandoms im not in/dont know anything about

BYF

Even if you are on my DNI or uncomfortable/don't agree with my BYF, my terms are not restricted 2 any1. I can't stop you from rel8ing 2 or using my terms. I also can't stop you from interacting with my posts but i can block you if i catch you so be warned.

I have pretty bad social anxiety which bleeds in2 online posting, so i might not respond right away and i might just. randomly leave 4 a bit sometimes lol

I have a bit of a typing quirk (replacing words that sound like numbers with the actual number. (ex. Before=b4, great=gr8, too/to=2)) though i won't be providing translation bc i feel it's fairly easy 2 read

Please use tone indic8rs w/ me!!

I support all good faith identities and "contradictory labels"

I reclaim the term "yandere" and i use it 2 describe myself a lot! I also use gender systems like -stalker, -freak, and -cannibal, so if that makes you uncomfortable id suggest you stay away(but i can't stop you)!

Tags

#🫀I like everything ||Benrys term hoard hehehe

#🫧 that's the black mesa. Sweet voice ||my coinings!! request answers

#❔whuh ||anon asks

#🦷BBBBBB ||benry rambles, probably non gender stuff

If any of my alters chose to post, their name and sign off will be a tag as well (ex. #🔪Postal Dude, #🥀Vincentius, #🌈Travis, etc.)

[happylittleneighborhood]

🌈hiya !! i’m billy/manny !🌈

🌈this is my puppet nonhuman/agere blog !!

🌈here i’m gonna talk about being a puppet, my memories, alterhuman stuffs, being a syskid and look for other puppets too !! i also reblog a lot of agere stuffs !!

🌈i’m a puppet in a few different ways (as and alter and also in an alterhuman way), but this blog is specifically for where i’m a hand and rod puppet from an educational children’s show !! it doesn’t exist here at all, but that’s okay ! :] (i use otherkin terms and tags for it but i think of it more as just nonhuman since being an alter it’s kinda confusing !! but i dunno !!)

🌈my main blog is @rainbowbilly​ !! i don’t really post on there much, but you can follow it if you want !

🌈please interact if you’re any kind of puppet !! alterhuman (otherkin, fictionkin, nonhuman, etc), introject/fictive, or just a general puppet etc !! whatever type, whatever way !! (but i’m especially looking for other children’s show puppets !!)

🌈i’m usually more active in general on my personal website, but i don’t post about alterhuman stuffs there ! (at least not much !) 

🌈this blog is sfw (obviously !) and safe for age regressors or other syskids too !! i’ll probably post some edutainment stuff !! :D i reblog/post agere stuff too, what can you expect !! i’m a syskid and a puppet from a children’s show ! it’s what i do !! but please don’t get scared away if you’re not an agere blog !! don’t be afraid to say hi !!

-

🌈there’s more info about me under the “keep reading” part !! i wanted to keep this part short so it doesn’t take up much !! :] my dni is there too, please give that a read !!

🌈 info about my memories ! 🌈

🌈a guide to my tags !🌈

🌈need me to tag some stuffs i post/reblog (a topic, media, etc) for you ? feel free to ask !! :]

🌈basic stuffs about me !!🌈

🌈you wanna learn about little old me ?? golly !! well, let's get things started !!

🌈names i go by !!: billy, manny, toony/toonie, most source names are also fine but maybe ask first if i didn't list in here !! :]

🌈they/them only please !! :]

🌈as an alter i'm 8-12 years old !! :] our body is 16, though !!

🌈in general, i consider myself a human/puppet !! mostly a puppet, though ! like a 2:8 ratio !! :]

🌈i'm a system host, syskid and a splitroject !! (that means i'm an introject with more than one source !!) ( my source list is here !) if you’re a sourcemate, feel free to say hi !! our system is autistic and physically disabled :] we also have some other stuffs but we like to keep most stuffs private !! 🌈(we think we’re mid support needs but we dunno because the people that help us are really in denial about us needing much help because of our parents denying it and also our school is just bad towards disabled people and we don’t wanna use a wrong label if we’re not so if anyone who’s mid support needs can talk to us about it that’d be really really helpful thanks !!! :])

🌈i might talk about our psychosis a little, probably not, but if i do it’ll always be tagged so you don’t have to see it if you have it blocked !

🌈i'm nonbinary, aroace and greyaethsetic !!

🌈i think 'cringe culture' is dumb !! you should get to have fun and like things that people think are 'cringe-worthy' and talk and act how you want !! as long as you don't support anything bad you should just be allowed to have fun !!

🌈i talk silly and funny !! i like being expressive and energetic !!! and the way i talk changes sometimes !! just ignore it i'm just having fun !! :]

🌈i have some f/os, but i mostly have fictional bffs !! :D

🌈special interests !!: my main source (rainbow billy: the curse of the leviathan), puppets, stitch head, rubberhose cartoons, rainbows, mlp, vintage dolls, raggedy ann and andy, clowns, monsters, lucid dreams and dreaming and cosmonious high !!

🌈please don't interact: 

-if you see me in any of my sources in a sexual or romantic way 

-basic stuffs like if you're homophobic or transphobic or racist etc but i mean, come on, why would you guys WANNA interact with me ? haha !!

-if you post gore or really scary thingys on your blog without any warnings at all...(don't do that !!)

-if you judge people's triggers for being "weird"

-you post nsfw, untagged gore or untagged discourse/politics (i know discourse/politics sounds silly next to the other two, but it’s the main thing that makes me hate social media so much !! so much fighting...i like to not see it, thanks !! :])

-you’re pr0ship/pr0fic/c0mship/ant!-anti (or any other terms). i don’t harass anyone but i don’t feel comfy interacting with you guys, sorry !!

-if you’re r4dqueer/tr4ns-id/tr4ns-x (you guys really really scare me please go away :[)

-if you’re anti non-sexual/sfw age regression (kinda obvious, but just in case !) or anti objectum/posic

[ijustwantedtobeoneofthestrokesuk]

B.I.T.I. (Before Is This It)

London

While Pete and Carl were throwing poetry nights there was a bunch of bands bubbling in the London underground with a punk attitude and banging tunes. A scene was forming, it just needed a break, which came once The Libertines had theirs.  

There was loads of bands, some lasted a few gigs, a handful lasted a few albums. This is how it went for a few of them.

Special Needs

Special Needs was a band ahead of their time (forming in 1998) and they never got the opportunity to fully live out their potential, their name often drew controversy (they briefly changed it to The Needs) and they fell victim of being on a major label. 

Zac Stephenson “I worked at a London Irish newspaper in 1997 and Daniel (Shack) came along to do work experience. We had enough overlap of musical interest to become friends and he was learning guitar, I wanted to sing so first we started just kind of jamming in his bedroom. Then Phil started coming along and bringing his bass.  

At this point our main influence was probably the Manic Street Preachers, mainly the Richey period when they were a lot cooler. We all dyed our hair, wore eyeliner, shirts with spray-painted slogans, feather boas, the whole kit and caboodle. Slightly cringe now to look back on that.  

We did some sessions in a rehearsal room with a drummer I roped in, auditioned a few more but it looked like it was doomed to fail when Daniel and Phil decided to go to University in Sheffield.  

A few months in though, they rang me and told me they had met Andrew, who had an interesting vision about what a band could be like, and asked me if I’d still be interested in trying to get something going. I was, so I’d get the train up to Sheffield every few weekends and we’d do some stuff in a practice room.  

We went through drummers faster than you go through underwear but we persevered for the whole time they were at university. Summers in London gave us a bit of progress and then when they returned back to London we focussed on finding the perfect drummer and we did in Neil. He was better than any drummer we’d ever worked with before but he’d still go into a rehearsal room on his own and practice for hours. And he had a brilliant droll Scottish sense of humour. Just fitted in so perfectly. He was the missing piece of the jigsaw so to speak. He was like a sweeper in football. Sort of tidied up everything that was wrong with us musically. 

Still, we were finding it hard to get gigs, mainly due to our name, so we started our own weekly club night in a pub in Acton. It was quite a dive but we loved it. And we’d fly around London going to other gigs and nights. The next turning point for us then was when we met Sara and Nadia from the Pyrrha fanzine. They knew everyone. They introduced us to John Kennedy at Xfm, to Razorlight, and possibly most crucially Alan McGee. John Kennedy started championing us and we saw more people coming to our gigs. Then Alan offered us a single deal (on his label, {Poptones), which graduated to an album deal with Mercury and the rest is history I suppose. 

We recorded the album in March 2005 with Ian Grimble at 2khz in Willesden Junction. Alan McGee had spoken to a bunch of other producers, including Mick Jones, Bernard Butler and Andrew Loog Oldham. In fact Loog Oldham had apparently wanted to do it but he couldn’t make it work. It’s my favourite anecdote of the time that Alan McGee said that “the singer…” (me) was “…flying on the wings of greatness”. I mean that’s the guy that managed Oasis at the height of their powers, so it’s hard to imagine better. 

Anyway, Ian had worked with the Manics, Travis, Texas, so he had a good CV. He was a bit of a taskmaster. We did a week in preproduction where he helped us sculpt or prune some of the songs. I remember near the end of that process Alan came into the studio to hear how the songs were sounding. After we finished each song he said the same thing: “It’s a hit”. 

Ian made us do countless takes. Real perfectionist. Massively underrated producer. For one of the songs he set up the drum kit in the bathroom because he thought the tiles in there would give the acoustics he thought would work better for that song. He was right.  

I think the funniest incident in those recording sessions from my perspective was walking in to the kitchen and seeing the American artist Grace Jones looking in a state of distress. I asked her if she was OK and she walked up to me about six inches from my face and said, “I’m looking for honey.” So I helped Grace Jones scour the studios kitchen for a jar of honey. Unsuccessfully, I might add.” 

In the autumn of 2005 Mercury cancelled the bands' record contract as new management at the label cleared a lot of Poptones roster. The band negotiated a deal to keep the rights for the album but they didn’t have a label to put it out, the situation was frustrating for the band, audiences at gigs were getting smaller, they were skint, Zac moved back to Ireland and they broke up. 

The band were approached by ReAction Records who wanted to put out the album which was finally released in August 2006, receiving positive reviews but the band had moved on, there wasn’t the temptation to reform. 

After a 5-year break, the band had stayed in touch via Facebook and they decided to get back together, initially just for one gig at Proud in Camden, however, it sold out and they loved it so much that they said yes to every other gig they got offered, including gigs in New York and Norway. 

Zac Stephenson “Well, Glastonbury was one highlight. From that day onwards you’re always able to say you played Glastonbury which I think is a major ambition for pretty much every band starting out. Playing Hyde Park was great. New Year’s Eve we packed out the Kentish Town Forum. Touring was often fun. Could be tiring and tedious at times but when we got on stage it was (usually) brilliant.  

I used to love the radio sessions, Xfm, BBC, Virgin. And seeing your CD on the shelves in HMV was a kind of bucket list thing too. 

But I guess overall it was just seeing people packed together in venues singing the songs back to you. Our reunion gig at Proud Camden was beyond belief. 600+ people crammed in on a Tuesday night in February. We hadn’t played live for 5 years so the anticipation was palpable. Electric atmosphere.”  

The Crimea

The Crimea became one of John Peel’s favourite bands but their story begins a few years earlier, with the heavier and intense band, The Crocketts, a story that shows the destruction the music industry can have on people.  

Despite the negatives, The Crimea became trailblazers as they released their second album, Secrets of the Witching Hour for free online in 2007 which saw them featured in the news around the world while supporting huge bands such as Kings of Leon and Coldplay. Sadly, the years of mental health and addiction took its toll on frontman Davey, just as the band were reaching the goal they had been striving for. 

Davey Macmanus “The Crocketts started in 1995, we were so young, 18, when we got signed to V2. When we did our first photoshoot, it was with Mario Testino and it cost a lot of money, our manager said I looked a bit tubby so I developed an eating disorder which I had for the next 20 years, I thought food was poison. Our first tour was with The Pogues, I worshipped Shane Magowan, we were introduced to hard drugs, we were doomed from the start, somehow we were grouped into the whole indie scene, maybe because we formed in Aberystwyth and were part of the Welsh scene, touring with Stereophonics a lot, Space, Catatonia, Super Furries, 60ft Dolls. I became an alcoholic and drug addict. Every concert I was on ecstasy. I started hurting myself onstage, This became a thing, as our songs were about being bullied, self-harm and eating disorders, we attracted a crazy fanbase who came to all our concerts and showed me their scars. 

Although the band was doing very well in terms of selling out bigger and bigger shows and getting 5 out of 5 in the music papers, commercially we didn't sell enough records and V2 brought us into their office one day, there was a new head of A&R, Malcolm Dunbar, he played us three songs, Stereophonics’ Have a Nice day, Feeder’s Buck Rogers and Blink 182’s famous song, Then he told us he wanted our third album to sound like that. It didn’t, our music was getting heavier and heavier and our actions more destructive, we were dropped. 

Suddenly we had to get jobs, me and Dan, the guitarist were working the nightshift in Sainsburys in Romford. Instead of taking cocaine we were taking speed, instead of drinking Jack we were drinking yellow pack, we were all living in the same house, and eventually, I woke up one morning and Rich the bass player was gone, then Dan the guitar player locked himself in his bedroom and didn't come out for several weeks, then suddenly he was gone. There was only me and Owen the drummer left, we decided to completely reinvent ourselves, change our style and sound and play beautiful music. Instead of our audience smashing the venues they would sit down like at the cinema. 

We were so lucky, we rapidly built up a following, suddenly instead of being in Kerrang we were in The Guardian, we were being lauded as cool which was amazing that we had turned that tide around and people were respecting our change of direction. We weren’t part of any scene until later on by accident because we played with lots of big bands that liked our music. 

I met John Peel outside the American Embassy in Grosvenor Square. I was working for the council, sweeping the streets, it was autumn and the leaves kept falling from the trees, it was a fucking nightmare, I was dressed in the street cleaner uniform and I had one of those dustcarts you push, I recognised John Peel going into the Embassy and I went up to him and gave him a demo CD, that night he played all 7 songs from the CD on his show. He said on air that he went back and listened to The Crocketts but he didn't like them, but he loved The Crimea. Before he died he said about Lottery Winners on Acid ‘I could listen to that forever and ever”. He helped us so much and played us so much but after that first meeting I never met him again. 

We were just incredibly lucky again, while at South by South West we were seen by Perry Watts Russell a famous A&R guy for Warner Bros. We were actually offered a few different deals and we went with him because he had signed Radiohead, Damian Rice and Arcade Fire and all these other people. Plus we wanted to go and live in America. 

For our debut album we went to Mississippi to record with this famous producer, He had just produced Modest Mouse (who we toured with later) Cop Car single so he was the hot guy at the time. We were there for months and months but we were just getting high and not getting much done, while the producer was changing all our songs in ways we didn't like. He wore a white coat because he was meant to be a scientific genius. I didn't get on with him, I liked him a lot and we were friends but we had different musical ideas, we wasted hundreds and thousands of dollars with this dude, so we went to New York for another long period of time and re-recorded the album with another producer in James Iha’s studio. 

I kinda knew we were going to be dropped as our singles from the album had been on the decline, no.20 something, then no.47, then no.60 in the charts, Radio 1 had yet again (for the second band in a row) refused to playlist us, we had the A list on Xfm but that didn’t matter, we had amazing press but that didn’t matter. 

So when we were dropped by Warner Bros. we still had a really good publishing deal with WEA so that kept us going and we recorded an album ourselves, we had an old house near Norwich in the country and we rehearsed there for weeks on end and recorded, the band were amazing, Joe, Andy and Owen and the guitar player we had at the time Andy,  and we all stuck together and worked hard. We went to Latvia to mix the record with Greg Haver, we loved the album, because we made it ourselves and it was dear to us.  

It wasn’t our idea to release it for free, it was our manager Tav. It was an incredible idea. We played on top of Primrose Hill at midnight on the day of release and the album was released at the same time, there were hundreds of people there, the next day we went to China on tour and we were on the front cover of newspapers all over the world, it was truly mindblowing, all the news channels were interviewing us and all these papers and we’re in China so it looked really cool. 

Q Magazine said it was one of the top 5 moments that changed music, we did get some credit for it, maybe not enough, but we got some adverts out of it and could still sell out our shows everywhere so we got to continue 

At first we had to pay to tour with other bands like The Pogues, The Levellers and Stereophonics, then we became friends with the Stereophonics and we never had to pay them to tour again, I enjoyed touring with Billy Corgan, Kings of Leon, Travis, Modest Mouse, Snow Patrol, Gary Lightbody from Snow Patrol actually financed our third album, Square Moon, he also financed my volunteering in Africa as a nurse. 

I had a lot of problems with my mental health, with the eating disorder, with self-harm, with drug addiction, then with a heroin addiction, When it came time to release Square Moon I was so frazzled I couldn’t tour or do interviews so I just had to stop the band and leave when we had just made our greatest record and finally achieved what we had been trying to achieve for 20 years. 

I didn’t get any support from any labels, in fact they encouraged me to be wild, I had a lot of support from my bandmates and my family but they couldn’t help me. I just felt this pressure all the time as the songwriter to come up with hit songs, so I was obsessed with writing and trying to write hits the whole time, that's why we only really developed our sound when we were dropped and it gave me the freedom to not have to worry about writing hits and inadvertently wrote our best music  

Releasing Square Moon on double vinyl and the reviews it got are things I look back on fondly, then becoming a nurse and going to Africa, the highlight of my career was playing round a campfire in the middle of a desert to a bunch of orphans with HIV, you have to really sing from your heart when you don’t have a microphone.” 

Neils Children

Neils Children are one of the bands who were overlooked during the 2000’s but their DIY ideals and approach to consistently evolve is the reason that they have continued to make music, well, the 2 founding members, frontman John and drummer Brandon, they’ve got through a handful of bassists over their years.  

Scenes aren’t built to last but Neils Children have never been part of the scene which has allowed them to be different to the trends or a short-lived fad.  

Firstly, they formed in 1999, before The Strokes arrived, by the time the 2000’s bands were starting out Neils Children had already been together a couple of years. They came from Harlow, on the outskirts of London, they were inspired by the ‘60’s and they sounded different varying between post-punk, freakbeat pop and psychedelia. They looked different too, decked out in black with makeup, big hair, fur coats, skinny jeans and pointy shoes, they had to time their journeys into London to avoid trouble with football fans. They were doing this years before their mates, The Horrors, who they influenced.  

Everything about the band was intense and their live shows were always exciting. The band was fearless and did everything themselves. 

The pair were studying music together and immediately bonded over bands, within a couple of months, they were in the rehearsal rooms in college. John already knew how to play guitar, Brandon had to learn the drums and their classmate Tom was on bass.  

Aged 16 and looking for music that excited them was hard in 1999, until they discovered ‘60’s pop which then led them to the underground psychedelic scene.  

It wasn’t just the music but the clothes, the style and the community which was lively in Mousetrap, a ‘60’s psychedelic club night in Finsbury Park. They were the young outsiders but they quickly fitted in.  

They rehearsed a lot and started playing regularly, word got around that they were an exciting young band, described as freak-beat ‘60’s and even though that was what they were listening to, ‘80’s influences organically crept in too giving them a punk edge with The Jam and Buzzcocks. In the summer of 2000 they met Rhys, who would go on to form The Horrors years later and they struck up a great friendship and became the house band at his club, Junk, in Southend.

Their influences would grow even further when they discovered the likes of Yeah Yeah Yeahs and The Rapture who were starting to make their way over to the UK. This then took them on to listening to Public Image Ltd and Gang Of Four, their sound evolved into something more raw with a nod to post-punk and a contemporary twist. 

John’s grandad managed the band, he helped them out financially and drove them around. He had no interest in music but loved being part of the gang. He joined them on a tour of Spain before the band had released anything, organised by friends from the psychedelic scene. They drove for three days to Barcelona and made their way around the country for 10 gigs with a settee in the back of a van and a map to get around. It was DIY at its best and they loved it.  

Soft City Recordings signed them up in 2003 to release their ‘first album’, the band don’t really like it to be looked on as their first album as it was a few singles and a bunch of songs they quickly recorded. These days it would probably be called a ‘mixtape’ today, the label was keen to get it out as a stepping stone for the band to get signed to a major label. They practiced a lot, they were super tight and ended up recording 4 or 5 songs a day, all live. 

Once the band started seeing others investing in them they upped their game, stripped everything back to give fans the best possible show, developing their songs and ‘think’ about what they were doing instead of just doing it. Although they toured a lot in the UK, it was Europe where they found more success. 

John’s grandad took a backseat from management as the band signed to a new label and got a management team in place. In 6 weeks they recorded what was meant to be their debut album in a studio on Old Street, London, they supported The Horrors on a UK 2-week tour then went on a headline tour for 2 weeks.  

The relationship with both the label and management team quickly went sour. They had been used to their DIY approach and got things done themselves, they found that things got slowed down when working with others. A single should have been ready to sell on The Horrors support tour but it was delayed and they weren’t happy with how the mix of the recordings for the album sounded so they got out of the contract, lost the songs and started again. 

After going on hiatus the band returned with a new psychedelic sound and went to France to record an album. 

John and Brandon were super close, John’s grandad was part of it too and each bassist they had played a key role in the journey, making the band feel more like a family. 

NEXT CHAPTER

[will-thecryptid]

You know what I love about Tumblr so much? The fact that I can come on here and state my opinions like I am now and be silly and be myself, and basically nobody judges you, and the people that do are relatively easy to ward away. Sure I don't have that many followers, most of which are my irl friends or mutuals, because as of now my account is mostly just doing stuff that makes me happy. Originally it was just shit posts, and in the future when I'm a little less insecure of my art and I finish my sketch book and a few of the other projects I'm working on both digitally and in person I want to share it with the people here. Tumblr has taught me to embrace the cringe, to do things that make me happy for the simplicity of the fact it makes me feel good, and to not punish myself for feeling good about it. I've met some amazing people here, especially involved in the Good Omens community, i mean, Neil Gaiman himself is on here. While my posts will most likely remain Good Omens related because it's a special interest and means an amount to me I don't think i'm able to put into words my posts are still my own and I'll post what I want, whenever. This app has affected me in such a positive light and has some of the most positive communities I've ever seen, I'm a person who's seen the horrors of what Twitter(X), Tik Tok, hell even Amino harbor in them. While there are corners of Tumblr that are dark and unpleasant (trust me I've also been down that rabbit hole with an old Tumblr account that's lost in the wind that I had at much too young of an age) but most of it is very positive and accepting and I think a lot of people discredit it or call it an app only weirdos use, which in all honesty I'm perfectly okay with that label. Because most people here are amazing. You are amazing 🖤

[exalt1ora]

: ABOUT ME

🗯️ 🐌 🗝️ !!

hi !! not gonna waste any time okay let’s go🗣️🗣️

• my name is maxie (max is good too!! <3)

• 8teen

• go by they/she pronouns

• my flags:

• I am autistic, my special interest is horror, everything horror. horror movies, shows, podcasts, plays, musicals, music, books, stories, games, art, makeup, everything.

• I use tone tags!! not always but when needed. if you need one clarified don’t hesitate to ask <3

• this blog will most likely consist of whatever I feel like. spamming abt fandoms i’m in, participating in trends, fanfic, edits, stimboards, lotsa stuff.

- I take stimboard requests !! send me an ask with the character(s)/ships you want, general theme, things you want specifically included OR excluded, and whether you want to be anonymous or named !!

I reserve the right to not take requests if they are uncomfortable for me (inappropriate proship shit, dismissing a character’s CANON identity, etc) stuff like gore, bugs, disturbing content is fine w/ me, I will CW it for others though!! alright cool send those RQs in cuties /p

• my oc rp account: @buzzingblues

• ao3: hydrangeasangels

• tiktok + instagram: exalt1ora

• heavy re-blogger . like HEAVY

• i also live blog shit on here a ton like this is my dumpster. this is where it all goes.

• will probably post things with gore or generally disturbing content often, i’ll try to CW it appropriately!

• I casually kin characters, say stuff like “me” referring to characters, if that is triggering or makes you uncomfortable for whatever reason, totally get that we just won’t interact🫶

• DNI: general dni (bigots), proana, thinspo, terfs, proshippers, if you punch down on neopronouns or microlabels. who cares get a life, makes fun of stereotypical “cringe” interests, hobbies, etc.

• from the U.S, don’t have a specific political label but i’m somewhere left. pro-choice, black lives matter, free palestine, protect trans kids, fuck terfs, guns should be regulated, late stage capitalism sucks dick. k thanks back to the fun stuff !!

• COMFORTS

• love love love online friends and interacting w people pls message me or reply to my stuff or whatever u want i love it !! 💐

era: spiral autumn 😵‍💫🍂

current hyperfixation: THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES !

( gif by @avyene )

[zeephyre]

WOMEN OF COLOUR VS EMOTIONS

A review of Turning Red as a black afab enby who has many thoughts and nobody to talk to lmao

I literally just finished watching Turning Red, and I had only ever seen high praises for this movie so I went into it with high expectations. I'm really, REALLY happy to say that the movie was even better than I could have ever imagined. It was fun and heartwarming, funny and thought provoking - it made you cringe but in the way you can clearly see your own experiences reflected in the main character.

Of course, as a young teen, I had never turned into a giant fluffy red panda, but I think anyone who grew up being viewed as a girl (regardless of gender identity) can definitely relate to a lot of the things Mei Mei goes through. Before I get into the deeper meanings in the story of Turning Red, I wanna praise the characters a little bit.

Specifically these four. It was refreshing to see a group of young girls who respected and loved each other so much, who uplifted each other and inspired each other to be confident in their own weirdness. Young girls in media are often created solely to be ridiculed and specifically young girls of colour have it even harder. I loved the bond between all of them - each person felt fun to watch and they all had such a strong presence together and seperately. There was never a moment where I felt like any of these girls was the butt of a joke or a throw away character.

Mei Mei, the main character, is bubbly and funny. She has high energy and she's stubborn. She's bright and expressive, and such a joy to watch.

Her family is so interesting and her relationship with her mother especially showed a specific experience in households of races other than white. It may not seem obvious to some, but people of colour have VERY different mothers.

And that leads into what Turning Red is really about. It's not just one thing, and this is simply me just rambling about the cool stuff I picked up on as I watched it.

The gift given to the women of Mei Mei's family was originally for protection, born out of a desire to help the people you love, and it was passed down from generation to generation, until it reaches Mei Mei, who had no idea about it until suddenly she's a giant red panda and she has (seemingly) no control over her life anymore. What I want to talk about is her mother's (and her grandmother and aunts') reaction to the red panda form.

Her mother thinks the red panda is a monster - uncontrollable and undeserving of even being entertained for just a second. From the beginning you can see just how much she has repressed this part of her and how much she wants Mei Mei to do the same. She and her sisters, and her mother have quite literally locked this monster away so they don't "lose control."

The red panda is not "evil" and it never was. It was simply a gift, and the way it manifested was by emotion. Not just anger or hate (or anything particularly negative) but by STRONG emotion and the expression of such. The obsession with controlling the "beast" is a reflection of the way society treats women and their emotions.

Teen girls are often ridiculed for expressing any kind of positive emotion loudly and proudly. Girls who are fans of something or someone are labeled as "rabid", "crazy" or "hysterical," and the same isn't usually said about boys who express special interest in anything. Its no coincidence that Mei and her friends are fans of a popular boy band in the movie.

Girls who are "weird" or have niche interests are made fun of and it doesn't matter WHAT girls do, they'll always be the butt of the joke.

Women of colour go through this in unique and disturbing ways. Black women (/afabs, like myself) can usually be seen described as "aggresive," if they express their anger or displeasure in an open way. If they're excited, they get called "ghetto" or "loud" or even "uncivilized."

For Mei Mei and her family, it's also a reflection of how asian women (from what I have seen) have expressed many times that they are expected to always be quiet and composed - "submissive," if you will. A lot of media portrays asian women in that way as well.

Even further, women and their emotions have always been shunned. They're seen as "too emotional" to be taken seriously, and if they express any sort of emotion then they are dismissed or demeaned. Men have always used the "women are too emotional" argument time and again to justify their misogyny. They think that women are not intellectual creatures for feeling and expressing their feelings to the public. It's disgusting and I'm glad that we're slowly (very slowly) moving past this idea.

Turning Red showcases all of these things in such a unique way, and I'm so impressed by the work that was put into this story and these characters.

I 100% recommend this movie, if you haven't watched it already. It's so good and I think everyone can learn something from it.

[fagcrush]

gay ass cringe nene baby

✨Miles/Theil/Gerard/Stone ✨29 ✨any pronouns✨

other names/pronouns

strawpage

You've found my cringe blog!! This is where I'll post my special interests, hyperfixations, self ship, kin and general "cringe" stuff

My f/o list is here and my kin list is here!! most my posts will be those characters and the media around them!!! f/os will be tagged with their respective tags while all kins will be tagged with the 💟 emoji+their name

i don't mind sharing f/os or kins!! also, my self shipping and kinning frequently overlap!! all that said, you're free to talk to me about shared f/os or kins (i actually love doing so!!) or tag posts with your own ship or kin tags!!

My current hyperfixations are:

Baldur's Gate 3

Sonic the Hedgehog (especially the movies!)

Idol anime/games

Crash Bandicoot

my identity is an absolute mess, i just kinda label myself as a vague queer (tme) boygirl who like guys but also girls sometimes idk. im also sex repulsed irl but a whore in concept (basically i only wanna actually fuck someone in my imagination lol). I'm objectum and a furry too I guess, but don't talk about either a whole lot.

I'm mixed black/white and (mostly) white passing. Please do not invalidate my black identity based on my appearance. I understand I have privilege being white passing but that does not mean I am not black.

My main is @deregirls, I'll be following and liking from there!! i also may like and follow from @milespostinglimit from time to time bc sometimes i go on reblog sprees that lead to post limit

this blog also functions as a personal!! my personal posts will be tagged #gerards diary. i vent fairly often but try to tag them. I also post about drugs a LOT bc I'm a stoner, and those posts will be tagged as well.

i also write stuff and take requests for headcanons and such!

Proship/neutral DNI whatsoever, minors can interact with my SFW posts but do not follow me please.

[kuroo-shitsurou]

Auxilium (College!Xiao x College!Reader)

TW: mentions blood, depression, anxiety

note: it's my first time writing and posting something on tumblr so im sorry if it's bad!! reader is gn hehe.

Late February was never a good time for Xiao.

It was the second month of the year; People were starting to adjust and adapt to the ever-changing and progressing timeline. Although, he never really understood the concept of the "New year, new me!" shtick. Humans make decisions that eventually shape their personalities. What does a new year have anything to do with that? Does a change in the year automatically make you a good person? Does it make you less of an asshole than you might already be? He never really understood.

He found it rather silly, actually. Whenever a new year rolls around, Xiao would mutter silent curses to himself because he'd write the wrong year on his papers. Other than that, there wasn't any significant changes he made in his daily routine. He was still the same Xiao; The same anxious, mildly depressed, and coffee-high art major Xiao.

Now, Xiao was a respected figure in their college (or at least, that's what he was told). He was one of the most talented artists at Tokyo University, and professors have been eyeing him for a scholarship overseas (he, along with his brooding and mysterious senior, Diluc). His keen eye for details always produce great results as most of his portraits are featured in the university's gallery of students' greatest works. Not to mention, one of his larger canvas works were displayed at the Tokyo Museum, making him one of the youngest artists to have their art showcased there.

Admittedly, Xiao was aware of how people admired his talent. Unfortunately, due to a rough childhood where his parents barely showed him any love and affection, he had trouble reflecting his true emotions onto other people. That's why other art majors often labelled him as a self-absorbed, egotistical prick.

Xiao was the last person you'd want to compliment. It's not that he'd be a dick about it or that he'd scowl at you and act as if he was better than you in every way possible. It wasn't like that at all. It's simply because Xiao doesn't know how to handle compliments. He'll still keep his stoic face, lips pressed in a straight line, but deep inside, he'd be flustered to bits. He'd try to internalize his reply, stitching together the right words to express his gratitude, but it would always take him a few minutes. The person who complimented him would've already left after he finally constructed the sentence in his head. Not that he wasn't used to it

This led to Xiao earning his current reputation, as stated earlier. He was already expecting the rest of his college years to be spent alone in his studio, working on his artworks during the wee hours of the night, high on the fumes of his paint palette and his exhausted coffee machine.

Until you came.

Kaoru was... eccentric. You were loud, you were moody. He felt like you'd be the type of person he'd hate dealing with just because you was unpredictable. You were like the rain, and Xiao hated the rain.

He must have an Archon's cursed tongue, because he got paired up with you during the first semester of their second year in college. You were a familiar name to him, as you were in the same course since the first year, but he barely knew anything about you since you were in different classes.

"Hey, Xiao! I'm _____. I hope we can be good friends by the end of the semester!" His memory of your bright smile still remains vivid in his head. He wasn't really a brooding type like Diluc, but Xiao liked to believed that he presented himself as a silent person who had no intentions of interacting with other people. So, how were you so bubbly around him? Because she was forced to do so? You were to be his partner for the whole semester, after all. Maybe it was all formalities. Yeah, that's probably it.

"Hm." Xiao gave a nod in her direction, acknowledging your existence. you heard from your friends that the young artist didn't have a pleasing personality, but you weren't expecting to be shutdown from the get-go.

"Mind if I sit beside you?"

Again, a light nod.

You felt the awkward tension between you and Xiao, and you hated it. You were a person who hated it when people are uncomfortable in your presence. You didn't want to be a bother, and you did your best to make everyone like you. Not that you were a people pleaser, nor an attention hog, but you just wanted to get along with everyone.

The lecture was going to begin in twenty minutes, so the lecture hall was yet to be filled with people. You took the opportunity to strike up a conversation with the amber eyed man beside you, who was typing away on his laptop. Something about color theory and how it affects the perspective of people on different art types? You couldn't really see that well. He was a fast typer.

"So, Xiao, I heard that your painting was displayed in the Tokyo Museum last year. It must have been an honor. I was at the unveiling last year and I saw it up-close." You started off, testing the waters.

"And what did you think of it?" Xiao cringed internally. He meant to genuinely ask for your feedback regarding his art, but it sounded so harsh that he wanted to punch himself when he saw you wince (or maybe you shuddered because it was cold and you were wearing a sleeveless top? His nerves were getting the better of him at this point).

"Well, a lot of my friends told me that it wasn't anything special,"

Ouch.

"It was a large canvas. I can still remember how it looks. But, maybe that's because I'm at the museum every two weeks," You laughed. You noticed how Xiao's breathing noticeably changed after you started your sentence, and you have to admit that it sounded a bit too mean.

"You know, Xiao. My friends told me that your art was simple. Anyone could have done it. But honestly, they couldn't be more wrong. I love how your piece was painted. Auxilium. I'll never forget what you called it. That's... Help, right?"

At first, Xiao didn't want to listen to this person ramble about an art piece he made during one of the lowest points of his life.

His anti-depressants had run out during that one Christmas. It was 2:47 in the morning. He had morning classes the following day. He had a project to submit, but he was unable to continue working because of the unbearable pain in his chest. His head was throbbing. Voices were invading his mind. Flashbacks of his parents' negligence taunted him. He rushed to grab a glass of water, chugging it down in almost three chugs. He slammed the glass back onto the counter, smashing it into tiny little splinters and cutting himself in the process. His hand was bleeding, there were bits of glass on his counter and on his floor, but he couldn't care less. He was heaving, his breathing was unsteady, he wanted to die right then and there. His vision became blurry, but he rushed back to his studio.

With a bleeding hand, he picked up his brush and began to tear into his canvas. Not literally, but he started to create strokes onto the blank canvas. Different colors, different textures (he swore some of his blood got blended in with the area where he painted the sunrise, but it's fine. No one was going to notice, right?). He screamed and cried, wanting to throw the entire easel out his window.

It was Christmas. He was alone in his apartment. His anti-depressants ran out. He was having a panic attack.

That night led him to having one of the worst breakdowns he could remember, but he also ended up with a gorgeous painting that nabbed him a place in the Tokyo Museum.

"Help," Your voice echoed in his ears, snapping him out of his trance.

"People can tell me that it's nothing more than a simple painting, but the way that the sunrise was only showing in a segmented part of the canvas? The way that there were hints of red? It kind of reminded me how a new day can resemble hope but still contain hurt. Like, the promise of a fresh start isn't guaranteed a good one, right?"

Your words rang in his ears like a gong being hit continuously. He wanted to cry. People always complimented him and congratulated him about being recognized by art critics and national museums, but none of them ever really stopped to talk to him about his art. They were there for his recognition- not his work.

"I mean, you could begin with a fresh start, but wouldn't the remnants of yesterday still take a toll on your tomorrow?"

"Hm. Interesting take. To be honest, those specks could have been my blood." Xiao spoke up, to your surprise. A small smile formed on your face. Maybe this guy wasn't so bad after all.

"My hand was cut up when I was painting that," He added quietly, not mentioning why his hand was in that state. "I think I accidentally added too much concentrated red. I couldn't blend it out the way I originally planned."

"Oh? But that makes it all the more great, though!" You beamed, "Maybe it was an Archon guiding you? I don't really believe in that stuff, but acknowledging some divine intervention once in a while can't be all bad, no?" You laughed.

"I guess you're right." For the first time in a while, Xiao actually gave someone else a small smile. It wasn't really a smile per se, but his lips curved even the slightest bit upward, and you decided that it was a win for you.

-

Fast forward to the second semester of their third year.

Late February was never a good time for Xiao.

It was the second month of the year; People were starting to adjust and adapt to the ever-changing and progressing timeline. Although, he never really understood the concept of the "New year, new me!" shtick.

It had been years since he was clinically-diagnosed with mild depression. So, why was he still that way? Shouldn't new years help him be a better person? Or something like that. Why was he still like this?

Late February meant the end of one semester, and the start of another.

What else did that mean?

His semestral feedback report (he refused to call it a report card. What was he, high school?).

"Xiao? Are you here? I bought almond tofu from Xiangling's place. Sorry for barging in, you weren't answering my calls." He heard your voice from the kitchen and he glanced at the clock on his studio's wall.

1:37 AM.

You were at Xiangling's place because you were working on a report about the history of acrylic paints or whatever it was. You were supposed to go home, but you still dropped by his apartment. He checked his phone.

[ 14 missed calls. ]

Yikes.

"I'm here." He answered meekly, but loud enough for you to hear. He felt tired. Defeated, maybe. He was blankly staring at the canvas in front of him. He has sketched the base of your face and upper body. He was planning on painting a portrait of his beloved to decorate his room with, but he couldn't find the energy to continue.

He could hear the soft "thud"s of your feet walking from the kitchen towards the studio, but he tuned it out with an annoying static he could only hear in his head.

Fuck. Where are they?

He rushed to the drawer next to his easels and rummaged around in a panic.

Where the fuck are they?

He kept a few anti-depressants in his studio because he spends most of his time here and he didn't have time to rush to the kitchen to get them if he ever got a panic attack.

"Fuck!" He cursed loudly, throwing the contents of his desk onto the floor. Some of his paintbrushes scattered on the wooden floor of his studio, marking the wood various colors. Maybe they're going to stain, but he didn't really care.

Xiao heard the footsteps retreating until he couldn't hear anything else except the constant ringing in his ears. It was annoying. It was loud. It started to make him want to split his head open.

"_____," He whispered, feeling his chest hurt and his throat tighten. The passageways helping him breathe seemed to close themselves, giving him a hard time and mocking him. It was coming back again.

Tears started to flood his vision, and they rolled down his red cheeks. He took the ponytail out of his hair and used two hands to tug at his locks starting from the roots. His breathing patterns became more erratic, but he tried his best to stay calm.

His knees and legs felt like jelly. He had to lean against the desk to avoid from toppling over.

Why? Why again? Why now? Why when you were here?

He screamed. It was loud enough for the neighbors to hear, but his care for any external entities was out the window the moment his eyes became blurry with tears.

Even though he was leaning against the desk, his legs still couldn't hold the weight of his entire body. His knees dropped to the floor, and he swore he must've dented the wood below, but he paid no mind to it. His knees were also aching, but he could deal with that later. He bent down and pressed his forehead to the floor.

"_____," He whispered again, longing for his partner. "Auxilium."

"Xiao?" The voice was muffled. His eyes were glued to the floor in front of him, but he knew it was you.

"Xiao, stay with me, honey." There was a hint of panic evident in your voice, but he was glad that you didn't let that get the best of you. You was still somewhat calm.

You kneeled down beside him, helping him back to an upright position.

"Honey, you left these on the counter outside." You handed him two tablets of his anti-depressants, and he gladly placed them in his mouth. You also gave him a glass of water, and he downed it in two swift gulps. Afraid that he might underestimate his strength, he returned the glass back to you instead of setting it down himself, nodding at you in the process.

You got into a more comfortable position where you rested your back against the wall, and you guided Xiao to follow you. It was a difficult task; He was very sensitive during his panic attacks.

His semestral feedback reports always made him anxious. He didn't have to please his parents anymore since he moved out years ago, but Xiao had this nagging feeling inside of him to do better with his academics. Nobody was really pressuring him to be a straight-A student, but did he feel like he needed to be? Who was he trying to prove himself to anyway? You knew about his sever panic attacks and how they were more active if he had a big event coming up. The first time you had to deal with it, you were still stiff and trying to learn how you could help. Now, you takes pride in yourself for being able to handle him in the ways you know would help him the most.

"Here you go, I've got you." You cooed, assisting him with moving. You laid his head flat on her lap and she began stroking his beautiful, tousled forest green locks. The highlights he had under the first layer of his hair started to fade, and you made a mental note to take him to a salon so they could get their highlights redone.

"You know, I've been listening to a lot of Coldplay lately," You started speaking, as if Xiao wasn't about to have a full-on panic attack. "Yellow would have to be one of my favorite songs. I guess it's kinda cheesy, but can you blame me?"

You used your free hand to wipe the tears from his cheeks.

"Look at the stars, look how they shine for you." You began singing, voice just above a whisper.

"And everything you do. Yeah, they were all yellow."

Xiao was a reserved person who had a hard time dealing with other people because of his inferiority complex that sprouted when he was young.

"I came along, I wrote a song for you."

He didn't have love and affection growing up. He didn't know how to be the best person to talk to. He had poor communication skills. He was a mess, to be honest.

"And all the things you do. And it was called yellow."

You were the first person who looked past his rough and tough exterior. You were the person who showed interest not just in his name- but in him as a whole.

"So when I took my turn, what a thing to've done."

"Thank you," He murmured silently, noticing that the ringing in his ears vanished. His throat was beginning to open again, and he could finally feel the steady heartbeat he had in his chest.

"And it was all yellow."

Xiao curled himself into a ball, burying his face in your clothed stomach. You smelled a bit like smoke (maybe you ate yakiniku at Xiangling's?) and your faded cologne. It smelled like home. It washed a sense of relief over his entire being. He felt safe. He felt secure. He was being held like a child, but he didn't really mind. Maybe he needed this.

"Your skin. Oh yeah, your skin and bones,"

You craned your neck downwards to look at Xiao's figure. He finally looked peaceful. You knew about his rough past. You knew about the trauma he had to go through, but you chose to look past it because you knew that he was just afraid and... alone. He needed someone to be there for him, and you would rather the world die than leave him alone ever again.

"Turn into something beautiful."

You noticed how his chest started a rhythmic pattern of ups and downs. His breathing was finally steady. He looked at peace. He looked like he was right at home.

"Do you know? You know I love you so."

You couldn't help but chuckle as you watched him sleep in your lap. How could anyone think that this softie was an asshole?

"You know I love you so."

You barely whispered the last part of the song, but it was loud enough for his heart to hear it. Xiao hated when things were unpredictable; that's why he hated the rain. But now, maybe the idea of rain wasn't so bad. Especially since you were his rain.

"I love you, Xiao."

At that moment, you knew that the involuntary smile on Xiao's face was a response that contained more emotions than his words could ever bear.

"I love you too."

[cammoblamo]

hiiii !1!!1

my name is pixel or acid ive existed 4 14 years !

i luv being unapologetically myself and spitting on cringe culture（｀▽´ )

im nonbinary, omnisexual, poly, queer, and panromantic ! 🌈✨

i luv labels 4 me becuz they help me figure myself out! But if u dont like labels i respect dat! i wont try 2 label u at all i jus hope u can respect me and my use of microlabels

(ﾉ>ω<)ﾉ :｡･:*:･ﾟ’★,｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆

im also neurodiverse !!1 got diagnosed adhd and might be autistic 2 OwO so use tone indis plz 人´∀｀)

btw i use neopronouns and xeno genderz if u don’t support

get out 凸(｀△´＃)

besides that id hate 2 b the tumblr with a stoopid dni list so jus be nice dumdumz >:P

anyway b4 i end dis intro post ill share my interests cuz friends with similar interests r pog champ :3

im a furry ! (＾• ω •＾)

i like goblincore / scene / emo / punk / kawaii / nerd / aliencore / spacecore / internetcore / traumacore / weirdcore / glitchcore / cottagecore / cringecore / kidcore / rainbowcore / and trendercore aestheticz and subculturez

i luv old school animation like don bluth and 90’z disney ! itz cuz im an artist lol XD

I luv superheros and spiderman especially !

my special interests atm r sanders sides / mcyt / neurodiversity / jacksepticeye / markiplier / mother mother / and fnaf !!1

i play gamez like subnautica / slime rancher / fnaf / apex legands / fortnite / minecraft / nintendo stuff / and indie gamez !（>∀<）

i luv up cycling and makin stuff ! like kandi and earrings

so yee dats me i hope to make dis account a fun safe 1 ! tank u 4 readin have a swag day luvs !! <3