#and kuang was 19-22 when she wrote tpw

[velvetthebun]

Okay, so 7 chapters into Battle Scars, having read the infamous devil's tango scene (and fucking happy it wasn't as explicit as I thought based on what I saw on the internet)... Well... First the non-spoilery things: I don't want to say that I dislike Sam Maggs' writing style... but the book feels like maybe a second draft. It could've used some heavy editing. It suffers from what a lot of lower quality fanfiction suffers from - constant repetition and the lack of ability to keep track of people's limbs. I'll go into more detail under the cut.

For the constant repetition – there are so many sentences that read extremely awkwardly. For fucks sake, use your pronouns and descriptors.

Okay okay, I'll give a quick real example cause I just opened it on a random page and this popped up:

Like sure when you're writing about two women using "her" isn't really making anything easier to read, but... hobby writers manage it well in fanfics, so...

And for the limbs part... the scene that struck me the most was when they were escaping the Brood base and Cal was steadying Merrin in the door as they were shakily flying off... first he puts one hand on her shoulder, then another around her waist to steady her. But...how is he steadying her when he's not holding onto anything? His first hand hasn't left her shoulder according to the narrator. Also I'm pretty sure he was standing next to her, not behind, which would make it even more awkward and uncomfortable and... limby.

Also on the topic of limbs, let's talk organs. Did Sam Maggs not research Zabrak biology or has she sold one of Merrin's hearts on the black market? Or is only one of her hearts beating while the other is on vacation?

But just so I'm not just saying what I dislike, there are some spoilers that I enjoy, so proceed if you don't mind those:

The way Cal and Merrin talk about each other???? Cal describing her hair, her skin, her tattoos, her lips? And Merrin being all poetic about how he's the light to her dark? Even with Fret around these two have it hard for each other in the book. And then there was Cal just at the end of Chapter 7 saying that a similar bond Merrin has with Fret has been there between her and Cal since they met? Even calling it chemistry? Just after talking to Cere about how he shouldn't make romantic attachments, but he loves his crew, so why should that be bad? ("It's not like I don't love you, Greez, or-or Merrin." The stutter is so sweet.)

It makes it easy for me to just ignore Fret's existence. Her "confidence" and the way she talks to Merrin just gives me too many uncomfortable flashbacks to when I was in my late teens/early twenties, wishing I didn't exist, being a victim of childhood trauma and unfortunately attaching to people who spoke like that (and were manipulative abusive cunts), cause I didn't believe I deserved better.

So I just skim that and go to the Merrical crumbs. And those are wonderful. Also soft Merrin wanting to hug BD and calling Cal sweet is *chefs kiss*.

Overall feelings so far? I've read fanfics that are stylistically better. If I want wlw representation I'll reach for anything else than Fret, thank you... But the story is intriguing enough to keep me reading.