#and karkat pretends not to understand human capitalism

[booperbeanv3]

JuneDaveKat playing board games 🙏🏼

june has a vendetta against monopoly for

reasons

[thewebcomicsreview]

Homestuck 2! Chapter 13! The funeral! 

One thing I’ve noticed about these Homestuck Chapters is that they are exclusively Meat or Candy, and we never cut from one to the other in a chapter. Presumably this is setting up a “rule” that will be “broken” in a really dramatic moment (a la “Pearl doesn’t Shapeshift” in Steven Universe). Or it’ll be an anticlimax joke. Or, given the occasionally sloppiness of the writing team, it’ll happen randomly this chapter right around the point the trend is starting to become noticeable. Anyway. Jane is speaking, and it’s a funeral, so presumably this is Candyland and this is a chapter with Yiffy in it.

Are those the Derse and Prospit colors in that church?

Why are there so many trolls in the audience if Jane’s a human supremacist and humans and trolls are at war? I know HS2 sanded off the grimdarkness of the epilogues, but is there even a war anymore? Or is it just a family squabble between the gods? Jane conspicuously avoids mentioning the Trolls, but references the “Human Nation State”, formerly known as the Human Kingdom. If the Humans are now an independent nation then what exactly is Jane the president of? If there’s a one world government, then what the hell is Jane talking about? Why does anyone give a shit what she thinks of troll breeding if the four nations live in harmony are independently run? What is the political situation of Earth C, exactly? Is there an open war? Is Karkat leading like a terrorist cell? Who’s in charge of the Troll Kingdom?

Maybe it doesn’t super matter because the story is less about politics and more about “Bluh bluh, Jane’s a huge bitch”, but I’m kind of curious as to what the facts on the ground are.

Speaking of things I don’t understand that will hopefully be explained soon. What’s Yiffy even doing here? I guess to be revealed to the world and executed?

JANE: And my first memory of our Purple Prince 

Classpect speculation time! Everyone’s favorite! “Prince” is a class, and it’s even capitalized here so we don’t miss it, but Gamzee wasn’t a Prince, he was a Bard. The joke may be as simple as “Jane doesn’t really care about Gamzee”, but it could also be foreshadowing, as Prince and Bard are opposite classes and inversions and all the BladeKind Eyewear stuff.

It takes Jake a few seconds of puzzled eye contact before he catches exactly what it is Yiffany is tossing down. In his defense, he is distracted by his wife’s speech, which is doing the emotional equivalent of wringing him out like a wet towel, before using that towel to slap the sweaty buttocks of a large, odorous man. Even if he knows everything she’s saying is a load of horsefeathers, it does nothing for his composure to hear her heap praise on that smelly, homewrecking clown.

This narration is trying way too hard to be quirky.

He narrows his eyes in Yiffany’s direction. She’s a lovely girl, really

Oh good, a weird throwaway implication that middle-aged Jake English is sexually attracted to his own teenage granddaughter who he’s literally holding by a leash at the time. That’s just phenomenal. Thanks, Homestuck. 

I do love that, as soon as Jake accidentally-on-purpose lets her go, Yiffy chooses not to escape but to just fucking charge at Jane. As a character who doesn’t talk (but could talk at any time, another “rule” being built up to be broken at a dramatic moment), Yiffy has to be characterized by her actions, which thus makes her way more, well, active than anyone else in Homestuck 2 or really even in Homestuck 1. Even Vriska would filibuster a bit here before attacking, and Spades Slick would have some dramatic narration, but Yiffy gets none of that, just wild abandon, attacking a woman who is blah blah blah-ing endlessly. 

Obviously this isn’t an all-purpose “correct” choice for every story, but I think having Yiffy be silent and the narration not clueing us into her thoughts works really well for her. It gives her a bit of mystery (void?), lets us project into her a little which inherently makes her more sympathetic, and makes her very fresh and different in a comic that’s mostly known for giant walls of introspective dialogue. She’s a bit of a counterweight to the comic’s excesses, in that way.

JANE: I was born on proto-Earth, that half-finished dystopia mangled by the ravages of foolish leadership and endless war.

I legitimately don’t know if the point of this line is “Jane, who had a rich and privileged upbringing, is pretending she didn’t in order to score political points” or “Fuck Obama”. 

JANE: It would be simple to let this disgusting, vile, SHAMEFUL act of spiteful revenge turn us away from the blinding light of the sword of justice that hangs over us all--

For fuck’s sake.

Writers.

If you’re going to have a villain ironically monologue about how “justice” is coming for everyone, unaware that a hero is about to attack her, and the villain says that justice “hangs over us all”, then why is the hero attacking from beneath her? Why not have Yiffy, like, lass scamper up to the rafters and then be dropping down on Jane as she says this line? Wouldn’t that work stronger? A low angle shot of Jane saying justice hangs above us all, blissfully unaware of Yiffy in the background dropping down on her? Come on. It’s right there. 

Oh, okay, never mind. Yiffy is not attacking Jane, she’s childishly and ineffectively stomping on Gamzee’s coffin. That’s....much less cool than what I thought was happening, but it’s still okay for something to be not cool. I guess Yiffy, child of the two smartest characters in Homestuck, is a bit of a dipshit. 

I do like that Jane is just continuing with her speech as if nothing is happening.

Wait, they have Gamzee’s body? Isn’t Jane’s super-power raising the dead? I get why Jane isn’t doing that, but you’d think someone in-universe would’ve asked, unless she’s planning to do it right now. 

Does the president of the world and/or the Human Nation State not have bodyguards? 

Ah, there we go. Now the Sword of Justice is hanging above Jane, who’s realizing that the shock collar isn’t working as well as expected and that she might be in trouble here. I just had to be more patient, we got there eventually. 

JANE: After everything I’ve done for you--paying for your education, helping your parents cover up your existence from the world!

(Honestly, the sudden reveal of a hitherto unknown CHILD OF THE GODS should probably be a big deal to the people of Earth C, but none of them matter)

There he flies--in his gangly, purple, necrotizing glory. A phantom honk seems to hang above the congregation, as if from an echo of a time long past. A simpler time. A time before we had to deal with this disgusting clown’s bloated corpse every other update. He vanishes into the seething crowd, and we are confident that we will never have to deal with this asshole ever again.

The more the narrator opines on what’s going on, the more I question who the fuck it is. I thought it was Alpha Calliope, who was drawing weird stories with “lots of nudity”, but Calliope was all gung-ho on Gamzee’s redemption arc.

But also I kind of hate the Candy narration? I get that we’re supposed to be going “Wait who is this” and the constant editorializing is meant to call attention to this question, but let’s take it down 20% fellas? 

The stained glass window shatters inward, obliterated to stardust. The war is knocking.

Ah, so there is a war. And Jane stood in front of a giant-ass window on live TV in a church with no security in it? These are the dumbest fucking people, I swear to god. 

[albapuella]

believe in me who believes in you

AO3 Link! Fandom: Homestuck Pairing: Davekat Summary: Meat!Karkat meets Candy!Dave... he is not impressed. Tags: The Homestuck Epilogues, Homestuck 2: Beyond Canon, Earth C (Homestuck), Canonical Character Death, Dialogue Heavy, this is not a bashing fic, Character Study, Ableist Language, one instance of the r slur Author’s Note:  More Davekat Thirst Federation indulgence. I'm pretty happy, over all, with how this one came out (and the fine folks at DTF really enjoyed it!), so I've decided to share it with the rest of you. Enjoy! 

The figure on the floor is familiar. Too familiar. "Dave?"

No answer.

He creeps closer, as though making any noise at all will cause something terrible to happen. As though anything more terrible could happen. Karkat has seen enough death in his life to recognize it. Dave is too still. Much too still.

It's not until he's close enough to reach out an touch him that Karkat realizes how old Dave looks. Karkat has seen older humans, but it's different when it's Dave. Deep, unhappy lines are deeply etched into his face. Lines he'd never thought he'd ever see there. It looks... it looks wrong.

"What the fuck happened to you?"

No answer. But of course there wouldn't be.

Except there is.

"I got an upgrade."

Karkat's eyes jerk upwards, and he's looking into a metallic face. A horrible, silvery mimicry of Dave's face. He supposes, with an edge of giddy hysteria, that it only makes sense that a robot would have such a blank look, but it makes his insides twist painfully. It's been a long time since he's seen Dave make this particular non-expression. "What?"

"I got an upgrade," Dave? repeats blandly as though he were talking about nothing more interesting than the fact it would rain tomorrow. "Looks like you got an upgrade, too, Karkat. Nice work with the eye. I'd never know you'd lost it."

Karkat has no idea what Dave's talking about, but he sure feels like he's lost it. It being his sanity. "What the fuck?"

Dave only regards him coolly. "Look, I only came back because Aradia wanted to pick up Sollux, and I figured I'd see how corpse me was doing." He makes a bare movement of his fingers in the direction of said corpse. "Ugh. I forgot how uggo I was."

There is so much wrong with these statements, Karkat can't decide which thing to focus on. "Why... I don't understand. Sollux?" He shakes his head. Of course, his pan would latch onto the least important thing. "Why are you so fucking nonchalant about being a god damn corpse, Dave?"

"Because corpse me was a fucking sad sack?" For the first time in this exchange of words which could only laughably be called a conversation, Dave's tone changes to contain an ever so faint hint of disgust. "Obama came through for me one more time and showed me the light. The light being accepting the destiny of being the most me me to ever exist."

Karkat wonders if this Dave is physically capable of smiling. The part about Obama is bizarre considering that Obama died long before Earth C was created, but that isn't the most confusing thing Dave's said. "The most you you? What the fuck does that even mean, Dave?"

Somehow, the expressionless face appears smug. "Going Ultimate, my dude. Being all the me I can be. I am fucking Legion, Karkat. We're all in here. All the dead ones. All the ones who never existed. If you ever wondered to yourself, what makes Dave so Davey, I am it."

Going Ultimate? It sounds important, as though it'd be capitalized and everything; it also sounds like the biggest pile of hoof-beast shit that Karkat's ever heard. "Bullshit."

Robot Dave tilts his head. "That's all you've got to say? Man, Karkat, I've got to say, I'm disappointed. Here I am, anointed by fate, spitting truth, and you come across all uncouth in the face of the facts. There are no take backs. So what if I break hearts? You got the head start there. I've got the universe on a silver platter, so what does it matter what you think? I wasted so much time pinning and whining about what I couldn't have, and now I've got it all. So get on the fucking ball and roll, my troll, 'cause it's me for whom the bell fucking tolls." He makes a sweeping bow.

Karkat sifts through the prettied up bullshit to find the fart nugget of truth. "I broke your heart?"

"Fuck no," Robot Dave denies in the way Dave does when he doesn't want to admit that something hurts. "I was just being retarded." He steps closer to Karkat. "You're not that important."

It's been a long time since Karkat's heard that word from Dave—especially since Dave was the one who finally got Karkat to break that particular habit. The combination of reminding Karkat that he should be pretty sympathetic to people being looked down on just because of how they were born as well as reminding Karkat that, as much as he liked to hide it, he had a soft center that didn't actually like hurting people who didn't deserve it had been enough to get him to stop saying it.

The shock is enough to protect Karkat from the full effects of hearing he's ‘not that important’ coming from his boyfriend's mouth. "You sound like an asshole, and not the fun kind."

"Oh, that's rich coming from you," Robot Dave shoots back, scathing. He uncrosses his arms so he can gesture at Karkat. "You're the loudest fucking asshole there ever was. At least I can chill—you couldn't know chill if it locked you in a refrigerator."

Although Karkat is glad to hear more signs that Robot Dave is not a completely emotionless shell like Robot Aradia had been, it's hard to hear this anger and frustration directed at him. Also, the thing about the refrigerator is a low fucking blow. "Pretending you don't have feelings isn't the same as being chill, Dave," he grits out, trying extremely hard not to prove the robot right and completely lose his fucking shit. "You're not half as good an actor as you think you are. I don't know what the fuck happened here or why you're acting like this, but—"

Robot Dave's hands clench into fists at his sides. "You don't know why?"

Karkat doesn't back up even as his instincts scream at him to. Whatever has happened to make Dave like this, he knows that Dave would never physically hurt him. Honestly, he kind of wishes he would: it might be less painful than this. "How am I supposed to know? Last I knew, you were still human and safely on the—"

"You want to know what you did?" Before he can react, Robot Dave has grabbed his upper arms in a crushing grip, dragging him closer to Robot Dave's face. "YOU LEFT ME! YOU LEFT ME BEHIND! DID YOU EVER FUCKING CARE ABOUT ME?" By this point, Robot Dave is shaking Karkat with a surprising amount of violence. "OR DID YOU HONESTLY THINK I'D BE HAPPIER WITH JADE? BECAUSE I WASN'T! AT ALL! I FUCKING LOVED YOU AND YOU LEFT ME ALONE!"

"Wh-what are-are you talk-ing about?" Karkat knows his eyes are wide and frightened, but he doesn't care about facades right now. This is... This doesn't make any sense at all. And it'd probably be easier to think if his pan wasn't getting banged around the inside of his nugbone. "STOP SHAKING ME, DAMN IT!"

Robot Dave obliges so quickly Karkat almost stumbles as he's released. He steps back, narrowly avoiding Dave's corpse, dizzy. "Fuck me, Dave! What the fuck!" He rubs his arms, surprised they don’t hurt after the rough treatment he’s just received.

"I didn't mean any of that for serious," Robot Dave claims, his voice soft and even again. The tenseness of his shoulders as he recrosses his arms gives him away. "That was ironic anger. I'm not mad about any of that. Jade and me were perfectly happy. You'd know that if you'd come to the wedding."

"Wedding?" Karkat is completely lost now. He's been lost this whole time, but at least then he had some idea of what the major landmarks were. Now, he has no idea at all. His eyes are drawn down to the corpse, down to something shiny on his finger. He's seen enough human movies and attended enough weddings to understand what he's seeing. At least, he understands it's a wedding ring—he doesn't understand anything else.

Until he does. "You're not my Dave." He feels pretty stupid for not realizing this sooner. "This is an alternate timeline, isn't it?"

Robot Dave is silent for several long seconds. "Fuck yeah. Your timeline's all kinds of messed up. Don't know why I didn't notice before. Guess I was kind of distracted." This last is said with a sadness so subtle Karkat wouldn't have heard it if he hadn't been listening for it.

"I noticed," Karkat returns, his temper mollified by the knowledge that this asshole who's been lashing out at him for shit that isn't his fault isn't the same asshole he loves. Except, that isn't quite true, is it? According to Dave, all Daves are Daves. So, Karkat can't help but love this one a little, too.

And, he supposes, if all Daves are Daves, all Karkats are Karkats. Which means he has some responsibility for whatever happened to this robotic mess of a man as well. He walks past Robot Dave, away from the corpse, and sits. He pats the floor beside him. "Sit down. Please."

For a moment, it looks like Robot Dave is going to ignore him. Then a soft sigh as he plunks himself down. "I don't have time for this," he says.

"That's a fucking lie, and we both know it." Karkat does his best to prepare himself—he knows better than anyone just how stupid his other selves can be. "Tell me what happened with your Karkat."

"Nothing."

Karkat waits for more. "Nothing?"

Robot Dave—Dave crosses his arms and turns his head away. "Exactly. Nothing happened. He fucked off when the fucking was good, and I get it: Jane was getting real fucking fascist all of a sudden, and the kismesissitude with Jade wasn't on at all, but he didn't..." he trails off.

Some of this sounds familiar. Things had been... uncomfortable with Jade before she got possessed (uncomfortable in a similar, yet different, way afterwards), and he'd run against Jane for a reason. As much as all that ended up mattering in the end. Still, there had to be more to it than that, right? "He didn't what?"

"He didn't let me come with," Dave says quickly, nearly interrupting Karkat a third time. "We were supposed to be in this shit together, and he fucking bailed on me." He takes a deep breath he definitely doesn't need. "Then it was just me and Jade, and I... I owed it to her, Karkat." A tiny sound that could be a laugh. "At least someone needed me."

Karkat wants to tell Dave he's being ridiculous, that of course he hadn't owed Jade anything except his friendship—never mind a fucking wedding—but he knows better. He honestly does. Jade is his friend, too, and there was a reason he never gave her a solid, unambiguous no to her advances... it's always been easier for Karkat to stand up for others than it ever has for him to stand up for himself. He'd never wanted to get physical with Jade (minus a brief infatuation when she'd let him have it over Trollian during the game), but he'd liked her enough to hate the idea of just turning her away cold.

And he knows that Dave is very much the same. Except he's got baggage, baggage Karkat has tried very hard to understand but still doesn't quite grasp, that would make the prospect even harder. Especially if... especially if Karkat left him to his own stupidly self-destructive devices.

As evidenced by the fact that this version of his best fucking friend in the universe is currently a god damn robot.

"Your me is a moron," he declares.

Dave is already shaking his head, the light catching on his burnished metal skin. "No way, man. Karkat's a fucking mastermind—the whole rebellion would have been totally quashed ages ago if not for him. Fuck, he started it!" As he speaks about his own Karkat, a literal light glows in his eyes, shining through the lenses of his glasses.

"He's practically a legend now," he continues, apparently heedless of the fondness in his voice. "He always talked a big game about how good a leader he'd be if he'd been given half a chance, and now he's out living the dream." When he speaks again, his tone is softer, bitter, and the light dims. "It's one of the things I low key, high key hate him for, you know? Somehow, he has it all together without me, but I'm a sad sack without him. A sad sack tying his star to the yifftrain because I don't know how to say 'on second thought no thank you' to one of my oldest friends." He straightens up slightly. "I mean, that's how it used to be. I could give less than a shit now that I've gone Ultimate."

The back tracking is so awkward and forced, Karkat wonders if Dave actually expects him to believe it. "Right." While Karkat's curious about this rebellion Dave's talking about, he finds it difficult to believe that this Dave's version of him is doing as well as Dave says. Of course, as much as Karkat loves Dave, one thing which cannot be said for him is that he's terribly observant when it comes to the feelings of the people around him.

Also, nothing Dave's said so far has convinced him that he was wrong about his original assessment of this version of himself. Any version of himself idiotic enough to still believe in his leadership prowess after the absolute clusterfuck that was the Game is a complete moron regardless of other factors. "And you never talked to him about this?"

"What was there to talk about?" Dave says stiffly. "He had his life, and I had mine. I mean, I didn't see him much after he left. Even after Jade and I joined the rebellion, we didn't see each other much. Certainly no one on one time in a room together." There's no mistaking the faint echo of regret in the words. "No point in even thinking about it. Which I was doing a great job of doing before I saw you here, making cry baby eyes at my corpse. Just so you know."

"And yet you're still here," Karkat presses.

"I guess I am," Dave agrees. "Fuck, I missed just getting to chill with you. I feel like, maybe, everything wouldn't have gone to absolute dog shit if you'd been around. I mean, you're not m—the Karkat from around here, but all Karkats are basically Karkat, so..." his words grind to a halt, leaving an embarrassed pause.

Despite himself, despite knowing this Dave is talking about a different Karkat, Karkat feels his face heat up. His own Dave has a tendency to put him up on an elevated statue support base; it shouldn't be surprising this Dave does, too. "I think you are wildly over-estimating both of our abilities."

"You think so?" Dave sounds unconvinced. It's amazing how much more, for lack of a better word, lively he's gotten just during the span of this conversation. A far cry from the douche bag Karkat started out talking to.

"I know so," Karkat returns more sharply than he means. "If your Karkat were here, he'd agree with me. We're nobody special without someone who believes in us, Dave." He crosses his arms, suddenly uncomfortable with the expressionless scrutiny. "Fuck, maybe he is a great leader now, I don't fucking know. But if he is, it's only because he has people who believe in him." He looks away. "Dave is the person who believes in me."

"Is that what I did wrong?" Dave asks after a moment. "I didn't believe in him enough?" He sounds incredulous. "I didn't realize this was Peter Fucking Pan, troll edition."

"Pupa Pan."

"What?"

"Peter Pan, troll edition," Karkat explains as he tries to organize his thoughts, "is called Pupa Pan."

"Of course it is." When Karkat turns to look, Dave is shaking his head. "You trolls have got troll versions of nearly fucking everything, don't you?" Not waiting for an answer, he continues, plaintively, "I used to ask myself all the time what I could have done differently, what I should have done. What should I have done that would have made him decide to stay with me. And I came up empty every fucking time."

Karkat wishes this was his Dave, a Dave he could comfort with a touch. Instead, he has to find the right words. He's been told he's fucking good with those. Mostly by Dave. "I don't have an answer for you, either. I don't know why he left like he did. Things must have felt pretty fucking bad for him to think that's what he had to do."

Dave made a hand gesture Karkat chose to interpret as "go on"

"I don't know what you could have done differently—I wasn't there. What I do know is this: however successful he is, he's miserable without you."

Dave tilts his head. "Really?" he asks, his tone full of disbelief and something like hope.

"Yes, really." Karkat sits up. "Just talk to him, Dave. He'll tell you." He reconsiders. "You'll have to drag it out of him by this point if he's gone this long without saying anything himself, but the point is he misses you. I know he does."

Silence stretches between them.

"It's too late." There's a cold finality to the words that sends an unpleasant shiver down Karkat's support column.

"Is he dead, too?" It hadn't occurred to him to consider this possibility, but considering he's currently sitting not too far away from Dave's corpse—

"Nah, he's alive. At least, last I knew, he was."

It's all Karkat can do not to face palm. "Then it's not too fucking late then, is it?"

"Yeah, it really is. I've already cut my ties to this place, to this whole planet, to this whole fucking universe. Divorced Jade common law style and let Karkat go like Elsa. Stick a fork in it and throw it away because it's so done, it's god damn charcoal." He stands in one smooth, mechanically precise motion. "Thanks for the sit and chit, but I'm gonna go see if Aradia's found her stupid boyfriend yet."

Shit. "Wait!" Karkat grabs for and catches Dave's hand. It's cool and there's no give beneath his fingers. "Don't leave like this."

"Like what?" Dave's voice is back to its original blandness, and Karkat feels his heart break a little. "Sometimes, Karkat, you just have to fly away into the sun like a feathery asshole."

"He loves you, fuckface!"

This stops Dave short. "What?"

"He loves you," Karkat repeats. "If he's anything like me, and he is because he literally is me, he's never stopped loving you." He tugs on Dave's hand, doing his best to ignore how wrong it feels in his grip. "Obviously, bad shit went down, and believe me, if I ever see your fucking Karkat, I'm going to punch him right in his stupid face for leaving you in a fucking lurch and letting do this to yourself, but he loves you."

"You see, that's where you're wrong," Dave says, his hand suddenly gripping Karkat's own (and Karkat has a vague idea this should hurt, but he's too focused on what Dave's saying to pay it any mind). "You're smart, Karkat, so I won't waste your time and mine bitching about how, if he really loved me, he wouldn't have fucking bailed on me like he did." His shoulders slump, and the hold on Karkat's hand loosens. "He doesn't need me anymore, if he ever fucking needed me. He's got Meenah to take care of all the 'believing in him' shiz."

"Meenah? You mean Feferi's dancester?" Karkat shakes his head. "Never mind, I don't want to know what convoluted bullshit happened to make that possible." It's time to focus on the matter at hand! "You were with Jade, right?"

Dave lets go of Karkat's hand so he can cross his arms. "Yeah. What about it?"

Why are Daves so stupid? To be fair, Karkats are pretty stupid, too, but at least Karkat's aware of it, which is more than he can say for any iteration of Dave. "Think, idiot. Were you in love with Jade?"

"No." There's no hesitation. "I loved her but I wasn't in love with her."

"Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, your Karkat was in a similar situation? Or maybe he thought you actually did love Jade and didn't want to make you choose? Did that ever occur to you?"

Dave's silence speaks volumes.

"That's what I thought." Karkat blows out a harsh breath. "Does he know you're a robot now?"

"Nah." Dave's head is tilted ground-ward. "I didn't stick around after going Ultimate. Kind of just... left without leaving a calling card or anything. Maybe a dick move now that I'm thinking about it."

"Maybe?" It's Karkat's turn to be incredulous. "Fuck, Dave, how could you do that? Even if you don't give a shit about your Karkat or your Jade, I refuse to believe you'd do that to your Rose."

A rough shrug. "I did though. Rose is better off without me." Another tiny laugh. "Maybe this is what Dirk felt before he did what he did."

Dirk? "And what did he do in this timeline?"

"He killed himself," Dave says flatly.

Karkat feels a surge of pity. He wonders if Dave would be happy to know that Dirk's lived long enough to become a wife-napper in his timeline. Probably not, but it's hard to know: he sometimes thinks his Dave would be happier if Dirk had died instead—at least then he could properly mourn. He doesn't say any of this, naturally. He's not a complete idiot. "I'm sorry," he lies.

"Hung himself in my hour of fucking need," Dave continues as though Karkat hadn't spoken. He runs a hand over his metal hair. "Story of my life in this universe: everyone leaves me when I need them. I'm not a good enough reason for anyone to stick around."

It's not difficult to read between the lines and figure out who else comprises 'everyone' and 'anyone'. Again, Karkat wonders what the fuck this version of him had been thinking. "And you figure it's your turn to not stick around when they need you? Is that it? Revenge?"

"No," Dave says, clearly caught off guard by the questions. "Fuck no. Besides, wouldn't work anyway because no one needs me: not Rose, not Karkat, and not John. Maybe Jade thinks she needs me, but she doesn't need me either."

There's a lot to unpack here, and Karkat doesn't know how much longer Dave is going to listen to him. He doesn't know why he's so bothered by the idea of this idiot leaving without first touching base with the other idiots, but he is. His being here feels... serendipitous.

A stray thought of why is he here floats through his consciousness before being discarded: he's focused on what's happening in front of him. "What if you're wrong, Dave? What if they do need you, like you needed Dirk? Are you really going to abandon them like yesterday's grubloaf?"

"Did it to me first," Dave mutters, petulant. Then he sighs and leans against the wall. "Okay, so I know things aren't going great with everyone... except Rose and Kanaya, I guess. They've always had their shit together. Way better than I ever have. I also absolutely know that Karkat doesn't need me. I might have been in the rebellion, too—better late than fucking never, I guess—but it's not like Karkat actually lets me do anything important. Probably afraid I'd fuck it up, and I can't blame him for that. I fuck up everything I touch—I used to, I mean. I'm Ultimate Dave now, and I'm awesome." The bravado is too little too late, and Dave seems to realize it, too. He kicks awkwardly at the stone floor.

Before Karkat can comment, Dave keeps going, his voice becoming tight with frustration. "But to get back to sad sack me, what was I supposed to do about John and Roxy's failed marriage? What was I supposed to do about the clusterfuck which is Jane's fucking family situation? It's not my fault she shacked up with Jake and Gamzee and inflicts that clown on her kid." His voice carries a note of hysteria now. "Should I have helped John kidnap Tavros that one time? And then there's Jade... You don't think I've given her enough of me by this point, or was I supposed to just stay by her side forever out of a sense of obligation? I mean, fuck, Karkat. That's way too much to lay on me!"

"Don't be an idiot," Karkat says even as his mind reels. So many things are different. They would be, of course, this is an alternate timeline, but it's almost overwhelming to hear them listed out like this all at once. While he wants to ask about Tavros and Gamzee, he doesn't want to break the momentum of the conversation with little, probably unimportant, details. "I'm not here to tell you what you should have done. I don't know what you should have done: believe it or not, Dave, I'm not a fucking seer!" He takes a deep breath to calm himself down. It's hard not to shout, but he's learned over the years that, sometimes, people listen to you more when you're not shouting. "It's not about what you should have done; it's about what you should do."

"And what do you think I should do?" Dave asks, as though Karkat hasn't already made it blisteringly obvious what he thinks Dave ought to do.

Then again, Daves are pretty dumb, and this one is extremely so. "Talk to them, Dave. Tell them how you feel."

"Sounds gay."

For an instant, Karkat is back on the meteor. "You're gay, you asshole."

"Oh, yeah." Dave shifts from one foot to the other. "They're not going to be super stoked to see me like this."

"You think?" Karkat pinches the bridge of his nose. "Of course they're not going to be fucking 'stoked' to see you've done this to yourself, but they love you, Dave. They might be angry with you for leaving like you did, but they'll forgive you. And maybe... maybe you'll be able to forgive them, too. But nothing is going to change unless you actually talk to them."

Dave hmms to himself before shaking his head. "You don't get it, Karkat. Literally? None of that shit even matters. I'm not sad sack me anymore; I'm not tied to this universe. I'm Ult. Dave, and I don't need anyone." He steps away from the wall so he can gesture with over the top grandness, clearly making certain his cape moves with him. "I'm finally free. For the first time in my life, I'm actually who and what I always wanted to be: a chill motherfucker with nothing more important to worry about than whether or not I'm cool. And I don't even have to worry about that, because I'm cool as shit."

He lowers his arms. When he speaks again, his voice is quieter, almost pleading. "For the first time in my life, I actually fucking like myself." 'So don't take that away from me' goes unsaid, but Karkat hears it anyway.

This is just... this is just so sad. This Dave might be saying he likes himself, but nothing is more obvious to Karkat than that he doesn't. Karkat still doesn't really understand what being 'Ultimate' means (and now doesn't feel like the right time to ask), but he understands Dave. Since all Daves are Daves, that means he understands this one, too. And what he understands is this Dave is absolutely fucking miserable and trying to hide it underneath a cool layer of ironic assholery.

Newsflash, Ultimate Dave, Karkat has gotten really good at seeing through that shit!

"Cut the crap, Dave," Karkat says sharply. "I didn't pupate yesterday. Do you honestly expect me to believe that being that," he gestures to Dave's shiny robot body, "and pretending you don't give a shit about anyone or anything actually makes you happy?" Not waiting for the lie Dave's no doubt going to supply him with, he adds, "Didn't you learn anything on the meteor, Dave? You are not and have never been cool."

Karkat starts approaching Dave, who backs away from him. It hurts to see him like this, but it confirms what Karkat already knew. "You were a scared kid like the rest of us, and now you're a scared adult, running away from your problems because you don't know how to fix them. And guess what, Dave: your idiot friends are scared adults, too."

Dave is against the wall again, shaking his head. "No. No, you don't get it at all."

It's a risk, but despite what happened with Dave crushing his hand earlier (which really should have hurt, shouldn't it?), Karkat still refuses to feel intimidated by any Dave. He knows him too well. He reaches out his hand and places it onto a cool, metal shoulder. It's practically vibrating. "I believe in you, Dave. I believe in you, and I know you can do this."

For the longest time, Dave says nothing. The cool shoulder under Karkat's hand gradually stills and warms. Then Dave explodes. Not literally, like the Aradia bot, but in a more figurative way. It feels like an important distinction. He pushes away from the wall, pushing Karkat away, too, leaving Karkat to stumble backwards.

"Oh, fuck off!" There's no expression on Dave's rigid face, which makes the vitriol coming out of his mouth that much more disturbing. "Maybe you're the fucking fairy from Peter Pupa or whatever, but I'm not." He steps closer to Karkat. "I am cool, and I don't need anyone else, and more fucking importantly, no one needs me!"

Karkat licks his lips. A part of him wants to throw Dave's anger back in his face. A part of him wants to shoosh the man child until he calms. Either one seems like a bad idea. "Sounds lonely," he says instead, keeping his voice soft.

Dave jerks back like he's been struck. "It's not," he denies just a hair too quickly. He goes into the familiar nonchalant slouch that Dave goes into when he's feeling cornered. "I told you, Karkat, I'm a whole bunch of Daves—I've got all the friends I could ever want." As if sensing this isn't terribly convincing, he says, "Besides, I'm chillin' with Aradia and not quite dead possessed Jade these days. They're a barrel of fucking laughs."

Of course both timelines have a possessed Jade! Is she possessed by some alternate version of Callie, too? And now Karkat's a little confused, because didn't Dave say he left Jade behind? Is this another Jade from yet another timeline? And why the fuck are Jades so god damn unlucky—she seems to have a fucking talent for being possessed! He shakes his head; he's never been good at timeline bullshit, and he's getting off track.

As for Aradia... It's been a long time since he's thought of her. She'd never been one of his closest friends, for certain, and he remembers that she got disturbing chipper about death after she blew up and came back God Tier. Honestly, he can't imagine traveling around with her like Sollux chose to, or like Dave apparently does.

"So, you don't miss anyone here?" He already knows the answer to this question and wonders if Dave will lie. He decides not to give him the opportunity. "You already admitted you miss your Karkat, so I'm sure there must be other people you miss."

Dave crosses his arms. "I miss aj, too, but I'm not gonna act all broken up about it when I've got this hot new bod, these baller new threads, and, oh yeah, fucking Ultimate Dave powers. I guess the real question is what are you trying to prove with all this mushy shit. What the fuck difference does it make to you whether I miss anyone or not—you don't even belong here."

It has been ages since Karkat's had to deal with a Dave this infuriatingly dense. "You're right: I don't belong here. You know who does belong here, you deliberately obtuse prick? You! You fucking belong here. And I'm gratified to know you at least miss some of the people here as much as you miss fucking apple juice."

"What the fuck ever," Dave says tightly. "I didn't ask for a lecture. I didn't ask for your opinion. In fact, I asked for exactly none of this bullshit, and I'm done. I'm outie." He doesn't move. "I still don't understand why you care so much."

Karkat slowly counts to ten. Then he does it again for good measure. "Dave, I care because, for some ineffable reason, I love you and I want you to be happy."

"What?" Dave sounds startled. "You don't even fucking know me, dude."

"Didn't you tell me you're the most Dave Dave? And aren't all Dave's Dave?" Karkat rolls his eyes. "I love my Dave, and that means I love you, too, moron."

"Oh." Dave looks away. "I guess that makes sense." Then he straightens up and turns his head sharply back in Karkat's direction. "So, what you said before, about, about other Karkat...?"

"What? That he loves you?" Karkat doesn't roll his eyes again, but it's a close thing. "Yes, he loves you. I don't understand why he thought it was a good idea to leave your ass, but any Karkat who's had the misfortune of meeting you gets caught in your fucking thrall. You're so fucking pitiful. And infuriating. And attractive."

"Careful, Karkat, you might give a guy the wrong idea." It sounds so much like Dave's normal banter that it hurts. "I don't know," he says, his voice pensive. "You make it sound like it's gonna be so easy to just step back into everyone's life like nothing happened."

"Of course it isn't going to be easy," Karkat snaps. "But you need to do it: if not for the sake of the people here, for your own." He risks putting a hand on Dave's arm. "Let them love you, Dave."

Dave shakes his head. "Don't bother with the mojo again, man. That shit doesn't work on me: I'm immune thanks to being a bad-ass Ultimate robo Dave and all." Before Karkat can question what the fuck he means by that, Dave puts a cold hand over his own. "But you know what? Fuck it. Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah," Dave sighs. It only sounds a little dramatic. "I'll fucking talk to them. Let them love me or whatever. I guess if it goes bad, I can just fuck off again like I was planning to. I'll have to let Aradia know though; it's only fair."

Karkat feels relief wash over him. He'd been starting to think he'd never get through to this idiot. He pulls his hand away and backs up. "Good." He feels light. "I'm glad you've decided to stop being stubborn asshole about this."

"Being a stubborn asshole is one of the things I do best," Dave said, a smile in his voice if not on his face. "What about you though?" His question is startling for its unexpectedness. "How are you going to..."

The scene seems further away.

"Ah," Dave says. "I get it. Say hi to Dave for me."

Karkat has no time to voice his confusion before everything is gone.

Karkat wakes with a start. The dream is already fading even as his conscious mind tries to gather the remnants together. He remembers... he remembers Dave. But he was a... he was a robot? And dead? He remembers Dave being absolutely infuriating. He remembers he was trying to... trying to get Dave to do something?

He shakes his head and looks at the Dave still sleeping beside him. An urge to wrap Dave up in his arms overcomes him, and he does so as best he can. He's momentarily surprised by the warmth and softness he feels as he presses Dave against his chest. But that's silly: Dave feels like he always does. He's safe and loved and warm and alive.

Dave blinks blearily up at him. "Bad dream?"

Karkat nods, even though he's not entirely certain if the dream he had was bad or not. "I love you."

"Thanks," Dave says, sounding baffled but fond. "Love you, too." He yawns, already snuggling into Karkat's embrace, already going back to sleep.

For a long time, Karkat watches Dave breathe. Then he falls back into a doze, content.

Ultimate Dave looks at the spot where that strange Karkat was for a long while before shrugging to himself. Weirder things have happened in his various lives than alternate timeline ghosts or whatever the fuck just happened here. He picks up his corpse (it doesn't look like he's decayed at all—must be cold as shit in this place) and starts the journey topside. It's time to go home and, maybe, make amends.

[autumnblogs]

Day 15: Troll Girls and Human Boyfriend Material

https://homestuck.com/story/2626

In exactly the same way that the indecency of Vriska’s abusive behavior (and the expectations of Troll Culture) are exposed when they come into contact with Tavros’ non-resistance, the indecency of the conditions of Troll Society are exposed as soon as Karkat is able to observe the conditions of Human society.

Karkat isn’t awake to that yet, though, so all his anger comes out pointed in the direction of the most immediate target - John Human Egbert. Thus begins the most legendary hatecrush in Paradox Space.

Dave and Karkat are both attracted to the same guy.

More after the break.

https://homestuck.com/story/2629

That little affair ended about as fast as it started.

I think what’s interesting about Karkat and Terezi’s relationship with full retrospect is that with the exception of their respective introductions, nearly all of their shared storyline takes place after they have already broken up.

Terezi is a bit of a serial romantic, leaving behind a trail of broken hearts, repeatedly breaking her own heart in the process. Maybe she’s trying to fill the void left behind by the end of her friendship with Vriska - if friendship is all it is. Terezi might not be the most important person in Vriska’s life (she also might be,) but Vriska is definitely the most important person in Terezi’s life.

Playing house with Karkat, turning Dave into a project, having her weird Batman and Joker relationship with Gamzee, but none of them fills the niche. I might be reading too far into that.

https://homestuck.com/story/2641

https://homestuck.com/story/2642

John and his Dad both address each other with symbols representing each other.

https://homestuck.com/story/2644

Being able to reunite with his Dad is, at this point, the same kind of fleeting fantasy that being able to fly is for Tavros.

https://homestuck.com/story/2652

Roxy Lalonde, Copium dealer.

Suffering is what all human beings share in common. Mom and Dad didn’t know each other until today, it seems, but they have their shared losses in common. That makes them friends.

https://homestuck.com/story/2653

Vriska probably latches onto John for the same reasons she latched onto Tavros - Breath Player. I have heard it hypothesized that Vriska envies the freedom that people like John and Tavros enjoy, their relative detachments from other people. She wants to be more like them. On the other hand, she also wants them to be more like her, and she does her darndest to turn both of them into hero coolguys (the kind of person she wants to be!)

On the subject of Vriska as coolguy, she is a parallel to Dave in that respect, and in more ways than that. Vriska ultimately wields the Ultimate Weapon against Lord English in the final battle as his nemesis, a role which is also foretold of Dave. Like Dave, Vriska has spent her entire life around vectors by which Lord English has infected her subconscious mind.

But Vriska becomes a dangerous antagonist whose presence represses other people’s agency. Dave, on the other hand, turns out to be a laidback and chill dude who rejects the violence inherent in the system. Dave has kinder, more understanding friends and easier living conditions though.

More push and pull between nature and nurture.

https://homestuck.com/story/2660

Maybe I do finally have something to say about the Carapacians’ emotional arc and the themes of their story.

It’s clear that the Mayor has aspirations of leadership and noble intent, but he doesn’t want Power with a capital P - not the kind of currency that power is in Carapacian life. Whether you’re a Dersite or a Prospitian, life for Carapacians is being part of a war machine, so the form that power takes is the capacity to commit violence and destruction.

A Mayor though, isn’t defined by his ability to destroy things, but to create them. His power doesn’t come from his personal capacity to commit violence, but from his community’s trust. Being the leader of the rebellion on the battefield is one step in the right direction.

As the Ringbearer, just this little guy caught up in a war that’s much bigger than he is, the Mayor is full of references to Frodo Baggins, who along with the other Hobbits, is part of the parable about violence that is central to Lord of the Rings.

The world will probably always have employment for heroes like Aragorn (and like John, and Vriska), and there will always be tyrants for those heroes to oppose like Sauron (and like Lord English, and Vriska), but it is the pity of Frodo in sparing Gollum, the humility of Samwise in rejecting the ring, Merry and Pippin’s love of simple things, and earnest respect for other sentient beings, that are ultimately what win the day. It is not the courage of the great, or the wisdom of the wise that rules the destiny of nations, but the compassion of the lowly.

Maybe the Mayor was the secret hero of Homestuck all along.

https://homestuck.com/story/2662

Vriska breaks character in this conversation with John a bit and continues the trend of secretly valuing the journey and just doing some cool things more than she actually values the destination.

She may pretend to be all business, the kind of girl who cheats, cuts to the chase, beats the final boss and wins the treasure, but Vriska loves meaningless sidequests.

https://homestuck.com/story/2663

She almost immediately reneges on the sentiment, of course.

John also has a bit of an interesting response, and one that suits his general gullibility. I could be reading into his non-plussed response, but I feel like it fits a pattern where John outwardly assents to the first truth claim that he receives, while pondering it and questioning it internally.

https://homestuck.com/story/2672

Few interesting things in this conversational sequence, actually. More of Paradox Space’s self-fulfilling, self-justifying, self-authenticating nature rears its head. Vriska meddles with John because she does - the meddling comes from nowhere in particular, she sees that John is standing around in his room for a few minutes doing nothing, and meddles with him, and it turns out that it was her meddling that caused it in the first place.

It’s these times, where a character’s actions result in a stable time loop, that I think Paradox Space uses to help them understand their own true natures - what does Vriska do in a vacuum? She meddles, because that’s what Vriska does.

https://homestuck.com/story/2682

Rose is uncharacteristically aloof here, and it should be our first clue that all is not well in LOLAR. None of the jocular flowery language she usually addresses her friends with - she is sharp as a razor and ice cold.

Rose is also careful with the words that she uses. She describes her relationship with the consorts as coercive. That is concerning.

I bring all of this up because it’s the first time we’ve seen Rose in hundreds of pages, and the very last time we saw her was the fallout from her awakening on Derse.

This is isn’t just about the game, it’s about everything - because the sorts of enemies and troubles the game manifests for the heroes to fight aren’t trivial, they’re rooted in the symbols that characters associate with their fears and social anxieties - Sollux’s Brain, Karkat’s Blood, Pipes as a symbol of John’s Dad and their ambivalent relationship, Water as a symbol of loss - Jasper, as far as Rose knows, drowned in a river.

Rose is tired of losing the things that are most important to her, and feeling antagonized by emotionally distant forces who she yearns for intimacy with. She’s mad as hell and she’s not going to take it any more. And of course, it might be that cutting through the bullshit surface-level quest and going off to create the Green Sun might have been Rose’s real quest all along.

https://homestuck.com/story/2694

The actual material of Karkat’s speech is not particularly important, and it’s clear because the reaction of all of his counterparts is not different from how they would normally react to Karkat. Kanaya is supportive of Karkat’s idea because she is supportive of Karkat. Terezi is dismissive. The point of the speech isn’t whatever Karkat said, but that it makes use of the relationships Karkat already has.

https://homestuck.com/story/2705

The other conversation John and Kanaya have.

Really, just so great.

https://homestuck.com/story/2725

Fashion!!!!

Fashion obviously becomes more important the higher on the haemospectrum you go, but even some of the other lowbloods are more fashionable than Karkat, so the reality is probably just that he either doesn’t give a shit about it himself, or does but can’t afford anything fashionable.

https://homestuck.com/story/2727

Rose is clearly not okay with the fact that apocalypses are pedestrian in Paradox Space, but she has revolted, and one part of that revolt is revolting against her own preoccupation with the transitory nature of existence. She coolly pretends to be fine with it.

https://homestuck.com/story/2728

Kanaya is attracted to Rose exactly because she is so dangerous - Rose fills a Vriska shaped hole in her heart.

Skaia and the Horrorterrors are directly contrasted here. Let’s make a simile.

Prospit Dreamers are to Skaia as Derse Dreamers are to the Horrorterrors.

Prospit Dreamers go with the flow, are comfortable with the status quo, optimistic and flexible. Skaia reflects existence presenting everything as it is to Prospit Dreamers, without comment.

Derse Dreamers are rebellious, uncomfortable with stability, predisposed to catalyze change. We should expect that the Horrorterror’s relationship with reality and all of Paradox Space, is to question it, criticize it, and probe its vulnerabilities with their tentacles.

They are polar forces. There is one Skaia, because there is only one reality that all of the characters share. There are infinite horrorterrors because outside of the bounds of the one reality, there are infinite possibilities that could have been, or could still be.

Rose is predisposed toward the Horrorterrors because of her intense dissatisfaction with life. At times, her dissastisfaction trends toward the ultimate - there are a few indications throughout Homestuck that Rose might have suicidal ideations, and a number of places where she unnecessarily seeks out extremely self-destructive possibilities in the heat of the moment because of that intense dissatisfaction.

Kanaya is predisposed to trust her first impressions of her surroundings and the people in her life, and that gets her into trouble too. Her misplaced trust in Vriska’s intentions and goodwill toward everyone lets Vriska exploit her. They balance each other.

https://homestuck.com/story/2730

Rose has become dangerous because her dissatisfaction has increased to the extent that she doesn’t trust the people who care about her any more. Sure, she enjoys their presence, but she’s not really willing to listen to their concerns. She won’t be dissuaded from being manipulated.

https://homestuck.com/story/2734

Vriska reproduces/transmits herself onto John by replacing his symbols with her symbols (except for his green ghost, which is emblematic and can’t be erased.)

https://homestuck.com/story/2737

Constantly dunking on each other is a part of these two’s schtick that I’ve brought up before and I’ll bring it up again - they can barely go two seconds without exchanging shallow and insincere hostilities.

https://homestuck.com/story/2742

The Alternian Coolkid is, of course, Vriska.

Braggadocious, contentious, competitive. Terezi, like Kanaya, is trying to fill a Vriska-shaped space.

https://homestuck.com/story/2759

Man, somehow I forgot that Sollux is not merely their hacker guy, but their IT guy in general.

Suddenly, I am 1,000,000% more sympathetic to Sollux.

https://homestuck.com/story/2780

These past few pages have been absolutely swimming with good Dave dialogue.

Dave fills his speech with sexual innuendo and outright explicit language, particularly when means to shock and offend or deter someone from interacting.

He tends to string together multisyllabic adjectives and punctuate them with profane or explicit words in particular as a form of humor, and the words that he chooses tend to be literary references.

He tends to coin new words by stringing together adjectives or nouns.

Uses lots of slang suggestive of rap culture and basketball, both of which Dave has a fascination with.

I’ll preface this by saying your headcanons are valid, but I’ve always viewed Dave Strider as an intensely white character. For exactly the same reason that his use of Apple Products and his ironic coolkid routine come across as performative, so does his engagement with things that are culturally coded as black. Dave is an outsider, and a poseur. It would seem incongruous for Dave to actually be a member of the subcultures that he engages with by parodying them - because in no small part, he parodies them because he wants to feel like he’s a part of them, to enjoy the sense of community that comes from them.

https://homestuck.com/story/2784

John really is a clever and perceptive lad.

https://homestuck.com/story/2789

Even this early on in the comic, it’s obvious that Karkat and Dave have chemistry. Dave doesn’t respond to him with the kind of verbal legerdemain that he reserves for people who make him uncomfortable, he jokes around about himself with Karkat.

https://homestuck.com/story/2790

Wow this is a great conversation, there’s so much in here to unpack.

Let’s start with one of the first things.

Dave and Karkat’s language here is pretty indistinguishable from the way that they both normally talk to their friends - Karkat is always rude and shouty to everyone (except Kanaya), and Dave is similarly pretty rude and dismissive even to his pals. The thing is though, Dave is doing his whole performative alpha male thing, and so is Karkat, and it creates this really unpleasant tension between the two of them. These guys should obviously actually get along with each other for reasons that are complementary to the reasons they both get along with John, but they’re both so insecure that they can’t let the other’s challenge to their dominance go.

As a coming of age story, Homestuck is to some degree or another about puberty, and the effects that it has on social life - sexuality is intruding into formerly sexless spaces as youngsters become aware of their own bodies, and each other’s bodies. So that’s another tension in this conversation - being the alpha dog doesn’t just mean being the guy who is toughest, but being the guy who gets the girl, and part of that routine is Dave deliberately using his burgeoning friendship with Terezi as a point of contention with Karkat - making Terezi an object of competition.

The same tension makes everything awkward between all three of them because Karkat is attracted to John, and Dave (while still not awake to it) is also attracted to John.

And then Karkat wakes them both up to the possibility of the invasion of the sexual into formerly sexless friendships by bringing up the possibility of reproduction and the only biologically and culturally viable breeding pairs. (Breeding pair, as long as we’re on that topic, is as I understand it, film-industry jargon for the male and female romantic leads when considered together. Don’t quote me on that.)

Classic John is being completely puzzled by the existence of sexuality - completely oblivious to others’ attraction toward him, completely oblivious toward other people’s bodies. The only time in the comic John seems to show legitimate attraction toward another person is Roxy, but we’ll get back to that later. I think John might be Ace, which could be a bit of blatant wish fulfilment since I am Ace, but what am I gonna do, not project my own foibles onto characters I relate to and enjoy?

https://homestuck.com/story/2791

I am not going to play an interactive game right now, it’s getting late, and my break is about to be over.

So for now, this is Cam signing off, and you know the rest.