#and just to be clear i actually like kevin i think he's hilarious

[doubledyke]

One thing I dislike in season 5 is how the characters are often dumbed down just to fit, for the plot sake. The kids, in particular, seem to reach a point where Eddy can literally come up with any lie or scam (the forever-summer scam, the mole mutants, the booster shot day, the egghead Ed, a new kid Carl) and the kids will immediately buy completely without a question (even Kevin of all people). In earlier seasons, as gullible as the kids could be, they still kept a skepticism degree and were quicker to recognize something as a poorly manufactured scam (at least some of them).

So, of course, all the characters sound so out-of-character in season 5 (except maybe the Kankers)...

yeah i agree to some extent. i'm always hesitant to criticize s5 cuz like, who tf am i? i don't know much about the behind the scenes, etc., etc.. but i agree that it is very different in a lot of ways that stand out. if you view the differences in characterization as intentional, it's kind of interesting.

eddy is absolutely off the rails and is at his most volatile in s5. even his laugh is more villainous lmao. i liked kevin lordi's comment that he seems depressed as hell later on in the series. makes sense to me, i mean we see how he struggles in school, and how he gets treated there. you can't just leave when things get bad, either. i gotta say, i feel like they ramped up the eddy torture p*rn in s5. i might be biased though.

edd is also utterly unhinged. viewing the gradual changes in him as intentional (aka me over analyzing), i see that he's reached PEAK neuroticism. the guy is about to snap and eventually does in bps. frankly, i find him unbearable but it's all character growth in my mind. school is a source of stress for him as well, but for different reasons. also, he and eddy are a lot nastier to each other in this season.

with ed, i'm not really sure what angle to come at it from. if i stick by what i said before, then his over the top oafishness is likely a result of hardcore dissociating. maybe he ALSO really hates school and so his brain just shuts down. literally. you could also theorize that he took one too many bumps on the head (just kidding).

realistically though i think he's the easiest source of comedic relief for what is, after all, a kids' show. perhaps it became a bit of a crutch while they created some really great character driven episodes.

like fistful of ed, too smart for his own ed, cleanliness is next to edness, and, pick an ed. lots of edd focused episodes in s5.

to your specific point, i guess i see what you mean. but i've always wondered why the kids would fall for anything eddy does after like s2 lmao. s5 isn't the first time we learn that the cul-de-sac kids aren't very bright. they do all have moments of skepticism, and yes, especially kevin. in see no ed, he's shown to be borderline paranoid about the eds which is goddamn hilarious to me. but most of the time they'll all be skeptical at first, yet still end up taking the bait and acting shocked.

(by the way: kevin deserved sooooo much worse than what happened in this won't hurt an ed - which was ultimately nothing. eddy ended up being the one getting hurt at the end of the episode.

kevin is ruthless and flat out cruel to eddy. he's the definition of a bully. he's shown to be pretty normal toward everyone else in the neighborhood, including ed and edd when they interact one on one. with eddy, he has this abnormal and unhealthy hatred for the kid. it's really funny.)

in pick an ed, edd says its obvious that 'carl' is just eddy in disguise. eddy looks worried until ed falls for it. to me that implies that eddy thinks the kids are dumb as a bag of hammers. and he was right!

my thing with eddy is, don't hate the player, hate the game. it's hard for me to feel bad for someone who gets "scammed" or pranked over and over. if kevin wanted to, he could be the hero of the cul-de-sac and put an end to the scams by simply sharing his over-abundance of jawbreakers with the eds. but he's a dick, so he doesn't. the kids are also to blame not just for being such easy marks, but for never leaving jawbreakers for the eds when kevin shares with them. eddy's biggest mistake was waiting around long enough after getting paid for them to catch on.

summary: i used to also view s5 as a "dip in quality" until i saw a post where someone argued that the changes could and should be viewed as character growth/development over flanderization. both things can be true! and there are plenty of REALLY good, fun episodes and moments in the season.

[stabbyfoxandrew]

Aerie 🥺

I don't want to spoil anything to anyone, I just really would like to ask for your Mafia restaurant (KevJean) with the awareness of what we know now from TSC 🤍 🫠

WIP Wednesday (4/17) | Mafia Front Restaurant AU (Part 139)

As fascinating as it is to watch Jean cook— or do anything really— Kevin can’t help but be drawn towards the kitchen door. He tries his best to be nonchalant about it, like he’s just glancing out the window and not possessed with the need to check in on Neil and Andrew. They’re both… Well, confrontational is a mild word for it.

They’re both short assholes with shorter tempers. And weapons. Actually, Kevin isn’t sure if Andrew still carries knives. But he’s still wearing those black bands on his arms. He talks himself into peering out the window just in time to watch Neil laugh at something. 

Immediately, he’s confused. Because it’s not a vicious, scathing sound. It’s genuine. The laugh he uses at home. Does Neil think Andrew is funny?

Come to think of it Andrew was sort of hilarious— in his own weird way. But Kevin hasn’t spoken to him since he’s been off his meds. God, he wonders what Andrew is like now. If he’s happy. If, somehow, Kevin had kept his promise—

“What are you doing over there?” asks Jean, interrupting Kevin’s thoughts and making him jump.

“Just watching them,�� Kevin says as he turns around. He finds Jean giving him a look and clears his throat. “I just can’t believe that Neil is willingly talking to someone who isn’t you or me. And laughing? That’s unheard of.”

“I know!” Jean raises both his hands in the air, one holding a spatula. “I told you. It’s… unnerving. Like seeing something you weren’t supposed to.”

“Yeah.” Kevin agrees. There’s something alien about this whole interaction. Maybe he should call in a documentary crew. He looks back out to see Andrew gesticulating wildly with his fork. The scene has something moving in his chest. By the look of that pile of bacon on the table, it seems Andrew still doesn’t care for meat.

If he had half a brain, he would’ve told Jean to skip the bacon. As to not waste it. As if on cue, a couple of hands land on Kevin’s forearms and spin him around. Jean is there, of course, looking unimpressed. 

“Stop staring before he notices you.” He kisses Kevin’s forehead. “And come eat your breakfast. It’s ready.”

Kevin smiles and does what he’s told.

[twin-books]

Can you break down Rook Blonko from Ben 10 Omniverse?

Hey! I hope your doing well, arlakos! Always nice to see ya! <3 How I feel about this character: As much as I actually adore Omniverse (which I do believe just comes with a bias since it does remind me of Sonic a lot) I have no real strong feelings for Rook beyond that I do really like him. And it helped that when I watched Omniverse for the first time I had a soured taste in my mouth of the previous two Ben shows from when I was little (which, I'll be honest, I think outside sources just made me hate those shows, they're actually quite good so little me was just being silly) which meant I didn't actually like Kevin and Gwen much in the beginning so I wasn't constantly comparing them to Rook as partners for Ben. I feel like this helped me cozy up to his character a whole lot more. But now that I have actually rewatched the other two shows, I actually do prefer at least Kevin as a companion for Ben but I still find it completely unfair to compare them since Rook is fundamentally a different character to Kevin and Gwen which I'm actually very happy they did. It would have been so easy to just make him Kevin and Gwen in one character but this dude is actually his own person and I appreciate that. My only real complaint with Rook is near the end they kind of just forgot about him so he ended up just being another character that kind of makes fun of Ben but still helps out. Occasionally he went back to old Rook, of course, but it was quite aggravating. And there wasn't any cleverness to it. It just seemed mean-spirited. But I really blame that on the writing. They clearly had this idea for Rook and when he wasn't a main part of the storyline for an episode they had no clue what to do with that idea so they reduced him to basic mean-spirited humor. All people I ship romantically with this character: I'm gonna be 100% honest with this; Ben 10 is one of those shows where I find romance just bogs down the show and is in no way helpful to it so it's very hard to actually ship anybody. Specifically people who have actually been couples in the show purely because it's so clear that they were only prepared to write an action show and not romance scenes. I'd love to say Kevin and Gwen are an exception to this but, while they certainly have better moments than literally any other couple, even they sometimes fall into this trap. I say this because I have absolutely have no feelings for Rook's actual relationship in the show beyond it's kind of cute. Rayona has little to no personality and is purely there to be the girl Rook but with none of the fun. I'm happy to see Rook happy and they are by far one of the least problematic ships in this show simply because they do next to nothing with them. So, while I will say I ship them, it's very freaking minor. Now Rook and Ben? I certainly think there's a fun case to have there. I actually believe they have infinitely more chemistry than Rook and Rayona. But I am not a diehard shipper of them like most of the Omniverse fandom seems to be. But they are definitely above Rook x Rayona.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Well that's really freaking easy. Ben and Rook all the way. Like they're so fun to watch together. Rook being hilariously more "down-to-earth" while Ben is pure chaos. But it's not as simple as Rook calling out Ben's very flawed logic, it's actually far more fun. Something best enjoyed personally rather than explained. Which I'm very happy to be saying this because it would have really sucked if they introduced this guy as Ben's new best bud and then Ben and him wasn't the non-romantic OTP. But since that was probably very obvious I'll give you two more. I actually quite enjoy Kevin and Rook purely for the pure chaos it causes and they're both seemingly unaware of it and then they both get to geek out over tech. And of course, Rook and Gwen. They're both the most "down-to-earth" characters in the show so they bounce off each other pretty well and it's simply hilarious to see how they both have to deal with Ben.

My unpopular opinion about this character: Okay, so I guess this is my most unpopular opinion... I do not care for the idea Rook would be more cat-like. Hilarious coming from me, someone who is a diehard fan of catpeople (specifically catboys, seriously ask @koo1creations she'll tell ya) but I just don't feel it fits Rook and I actually find it kind of ruins what I enjoy about the character. The whole thing with Rook is he's very elegant in how he approaches anything and giving him a more "feral" (for lack of a better term) appearance and actions takes away the magic of Ben and Rook's chemistry because now they're both rather chaotic, I guess. Plus, losing his tail is actually a sign of growing up in his culture so I find it accidentally makes him seem "younger" which also ruins a lot for me because I find him being clearly older and therefore more mature than Ben far more entertaining.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened to this character: I wish he freaking appeared in the reboot. Like I may not have watched it yet but I'm frankly annoyed he was not a character especially since some other characters from Omniverse were. He was at least referenced I guess but that doesn't make me any happier. Like Rook is very unique and a fun character so to ditch him is unfortunate. I imagine he was probably a character the writers may not have felt confident in writing in a new setting since he was pretty much the only thing well liked among most Ben 10 fans about Omniverse. Everything else was very controversial. I suppose there's also always the possibility they just didn't really care for him but at least wanted to leave some nods to him for the other fans but I prefer not to think the negative of the writers especially since, even though I don't love it, I can tell the people who wrote the reboot really loved all of Ben 10 and did their best to make a great adaption.

Thanks for the ask! This was super fun! I never get to talk about Rook so it actually gave me an opportunity to really gather my thoughts.

[lovestuckyhatemarvel]

I’ve already joked before about how the show decides what kinds of nerd Spencer is based on what joke they want him to make.

That being said, the characterization actually pisses me off sometimes. The man grew up in a public school in Las Vegas. He has 100% heard the kissing in a tree song before so him not knowing what “Penelope and Kevin sitting in a tree” meant was stupid.

I know he doesn’t read Twilight but he goes to lots of types of movie theaters and takes public transportation. He’s at least seen an ad for it so he knows the name Twilight. That shit was inescapable for years.

And just now in an episode he told a member of a victim’s family that he doesn’t have email! Except we know he has a work email because he literally checked his after Derek asks him if he missed anything when Hotch is blowing up his phone before Derek takes over as unit chief. Also he would just be assigned a work email. There’s not a way around it for him. They wouldn’t ever get rid of that because higher ups would do things like notify of meetings and things like that. The only way the email would be closed is if Spencer stopped working for them.

And later suddenly he won’t use technology despite so much of his job used to literally be on a computer at his desk. It also makes no sense for a man as invested in knowledge as Spencer is to refuse to use technology. There are archives of old manuscripts that he wouldn’t otherwise readily have access to with his work schedule (and his total disinterest in traveling unless it’s for a case). There are obscure foreign movies he can watch online. There are so many academic papers online. There are discussion boards and chats for Star Trek fans to argue about details with each other until they die.

Like not to be a lover of technology on main but having him hate it is just kind of showing a lack of imagination on part of the writers, imo. I’m not saying he needs to be a #gamer but he would be willing to use a tablet for case files.

The germaphobe thing comes out of nowhere, but like whatever. Sure. It doesn’t make sense for someone who takes the subway but ok.

I just really think the writers don’t actually think things through when they’re writing him. And to be clear, I don’t remember how much is also Matthew Gray Gubler making weird suggestions. After all, the love interest dying was his idea.

And I know asking for any realism in the copaganda ‘profiling is a real job that works’ show is hilarious on my part but I don’t think I’m asking for much when I ask for the main cast to make sense.

[bigbadconnivingbastard]

Fav ships reveal wheennnnnn /nf /silly

I gotta use the list in the discord server for this one bro i dont remember shit HEEEELP!!

Caramelcorn (Kevin x Radford) blahhh i just think the way they interact/are in sync with each other is a very sweet thing i want to skin them alive. that is all there is to it

Rosie (Susie x Roy) normally shipping Roy with anyone would feel off to me but this is an exception, Susie would totally be the one in charge of everything/puttin that fool in his bitch ass place 💪💪 kinda started being partial to it when i came up with this scenario in my head of Susie sketching Roy when he was possessed by Moloch because she only started findin him cute after she saw him demon-ish for a bit... this girl and her demon obsession... kinda wanna draw that idea its funny (also let me make it clear that neither of them are straight theyre both rainbow rangers)

Macaron (Kevin x Carmen) THIS ONE IS KIND OF LIKE. FOR IRONY IN MY CASE. because i cant actually see them in a relationship but their dynamic would be actually funny as shit like babe carry my 7535364 shopping bags

Holyfire (I think thats the name?? but its Ignacio x Skid's papa) tbh i dont really know why i like it.. i kinda pulled the pairing out of my ass in my thoughts before i found out it was an actual thing but yea similar situation to Macaron, i think the dynamic would be hilarious

Motorhead (Jaune x Ross's dad) idk what to say I just think they look good together and the "YOUUU are driving servant <3" line was cutesy

(Idk the name, Patty x Lila) pulled it out of my ass, i think they look cute together... if i pull MORE out of the endless void that is my ass i will gladly draw/write Patty x Lila yuri

(Idk the name, Carmen x Jaune) they have a rivalry so u know what that means, SOUND THE TOXIC YURI ALARM 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🚨🚨🚨🚨

honestly i can be really particular about what pairings i like thats why there arent that many (plus im not really ship oriented in general) but yeah!!! i like these ones!!!

[spaceandfiction]

ooh ok 1, 13, 18, 22. hope i got those right lmao. also for spn obvs

Oh my beloved mutual!!! Thank you for playing the game haha. And ofc spn I would be honored <3

the character everyone gets wrong

Hot take in a show written the same way the ship of theseus was built there IS not a great way to consistently and strongly characterize our main three. There is so much contradictory information ofc I think I have pruned the weeds and know those guys are but I really find it hard to get too mad about interpretations of Sam, Dean, or Cas that I disagree with because the show is sooo wobbly and long anyway. But I do still see and feel very painfully the way they make Cas perfect or pick out the WRONG flaws to get mad at him for sometimes in fandom. But, really I can only see "clear" character profiles for side characters and I think the Gabriel fandom interpretation has to be the wildest because they killed him and then brought him back like a decade later having gotten a fandom personality graft. Hilarious. They even put a little cheeky sabriel I mean? Who else has done that?

13. worst blorboficiation

I think the prev. answer kind of goes into one of them but I'm actually going to say Dean instead. I know. I know I said there's no way to consistently blah blah blah. I contain multitudes. I think the issue stems from the show so myopically agreeing with Dean at all times that even the canon makes him something else but like. Yeah

18. it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

Kevin, I guess? In my day (I am a post-s8 hop on) Kevin was everywhere. Now because he's been dead for so long obviously a lot of fic doesn't have him in it, but I miss Kevin. If we all just stopped caring about who is dead in this show we could have more fics like this GENIUS one where Kevin is back and the dynamics between him Dean, Cas, Jack, and etc are soooooo good. Oh, and per my own fan fic, Hael from 9x01 she's one of the only angels who describes herself as creating something! Angels really get whittled away to just bureaucrats and soldiers in this show but she's an indication that at least some were tasked with aesthetic and creative aims despite not being allowed to feel anything towards them and I find that FASCINATING.

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

Okay I went digging through my mental archives. I'm going to say something that maybe more people explore and I just don't see it a lot but I know the show forgot. Cas possessed Claire. I just personally think she should have vague memories of the moment, feeling like her head was split open and seeing from 20 different directions at once and seeing souls and feeling the flow of life all around her etc etc ya know. Horror shit

[aboutnavi]

Heyy recently found one of your old AFTG posts about Thea and Kevin. If you got the TSC spoilers about Thea’s meeting with Jean, what did you think?

Yep. Got the spoilers. So my answer in entirely based on the general idea of the spoilers I got and I'm reinforcing (!!!) that I have not read TSC yet (I can come back to this question after reading TSC to give a more solid opinion) so please do take my answer with a grain of salt (and please do also consider that I have a major grudge against Thea's character building and how this influenced the way Kevin's story was portrait and his future built*).

In my understanding of the spoiler (and I've seen it maybe once or twice just after TSC was released), you are referring to the scene where Thea goes to see Jean when he is at PSU, right? If it is (as I'm aware only of this meeting in the book, so please excuse me if you're talking about other scene that I don't know about because, again, haven't read the book yet), I just thought it was... very on character (which, for me, translates as... disappointing). Maybe Nora could have used this scene to give Thea some sort of redemption in the sense of... being more open to actually face what Riko/the Ravens caused, not only in Jean's life but also with Kevin, and the scene is Thea looking at Jean, a half dead body, and being "tell me what happened or I'll break your other ribs" which... hahaha so hilarious (read this with a lot of sarcasm in it). But again, not out of character, right? On the (now deleted) posts of Nora about the future of the Foxes, Thea's response to Kevin's trauma was literally "no harm no foul because Kevin is playing again, right? So Riko's death takes a little edge of the hate she feels"... Every time I go back to that screenshot of Nora explaining "it takes the edge of the hate..." I get so mad again because OMG are you EMPTY inside? Do you not have feelings? Do you literally marry someone, love someone, is a witness to someone's life and you just look at the abuse your partner went through and just hah! no harm no foul, and by the way, your abuser? the hate edged off because he died. SORRY? Anyway... That's my "opinion". Biased, I know, but I can elaborate more after I've read TSC.

*I do not actually care this much about Thea, in general. Let me be clear, I'm a major slut for characters with two lines, no appearances in canon and I can build a solid connection with them. If Thea and the whole Thea-Kevin relationship was developed in a slightly better way, I would have probably have no problems with it (beyond not taking it seriously at all, because I'm actually very much not attached to canon, not only with AFTG but with actually every fandom I'm in). And I have said this before in my repost about my original post on why I detest T-K's relationship, so I feel like it's worth to reiterate: I do understand Nora's protectiveness of her character and I actually respect her a lot for sticking up for her choices but, again, I still condem the whole character building: 1. As explained before, the whole minor-sexual-abuse thing is not something I want to touch with a ten foot pole; 2. The lack of care in understanding/navigating Kevin's trauma, in the present (AND FUTURE!!!) is something that breaks my heart because I do care a lot about Kevin and I think that, as a character, he deserved a lot more than what he got; 3. The stereotypization of black women (in AFTG in general but) with Thea is monstrous... when you write a black woman and the only adjectives you give her are: thick, stony, a "tank", rude, violent... well, it's says a lot (and do not let me start in how every minority in the book is portrait almost as a caricature).

[courtneysmovieblog]

Trailers: WTF have they done to Garfield?!

Congratulations to the SAG for finally getting the deal that they deserve! With the end of the strike comes an onslaught of trailers...including the long-anticipated Chris Pratt Garfield.

Genie: Melissa McCarthy is a genie in a Peacock original movie. I don't care if people think this will be dumb, I think it looks cute, and I'll be watching.

Family Switch: Jennifer Garner and Ed Helms switch bodies with their kids. And their baby switches bodies with their dog. That goes as well as you'd expect.

The Family Plan: Mark Wahlberg is a family plan with a secret past as an assassin. So this is like a family-friendly version of Nobody?

Lift: Kevin Hart does his own heist movie, where an ex-thief teams up with the FBI to steal gold from a flight. Meh.

Mean Girls (musical): In case the trailer didn't make it clear, this is a film adaptation of the Broadway musical, not a full-on remake. Just like The Color Purple. And you know what? It looks good. I can't believe they actually got Tina Fey and Tim Meadows to reprise their parts from the original movie!

Orion and the Dark: Netflix animated film about an entity version of darkness trying to teach a little boy not to fear him. Looks cute!

The Fall Guy: Stuntman (Ryan Gosling) investigates the disappearance of an actor. I didn't know this was a TV series, but Gosling is as hilarious in the trailer as he was in Barbie.

Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire: I'm in. You don't even have to ask.

Inside Out 2: While I'm crushed that Bill Hader isn't coming back as Fear, Maya Hawke's Anxiety just might make up for it.

Damsel: Millie Bobbie Brown fights a dragon. I love fantasy movies and this will do until Stranger Things comes back!

Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes: I honestly thought this franchise was over. It won't be the same without Andy Serkis' Caesar.

The Garfield Movie: I was briefly wooed by the part with the adorable baby Garfield...but then I heard Chris Pratt's voice and it was as bad as I feared. He doesn't even TRY to capture Garfield's trademark sarcasm! He just sounds like a frat boy dude brow, and that's NOT Garfield! Plus, the animation style leaves a lot to be desired.

[house-of-slayterr]

Man Down:

Hannibal Family pt. 6: @iloveslasher @charliedawn

Newt’s POV:

I swung my feet back and forth off the ledge of the wall. Peter lead me back to the school. But I didn’t want to follow him inside, so he asked me to wait. But as time went on I was growing bored. What was he even doing here on a Saturday anyway? We should be out having fun like teenagers do.

After about five more minutes I grew tried of waiting. I hopped down off the half wall, not caring much that the drop was actually quite far. I walked around the school to the back toward the football field. If I remember correctly, the boys don’t come in for practice until later. I made my way around the arena, touching the cold, wet chairs with my hand as I walked by.

It would be slippery at practice later. Maybe I could convince Peter to come snoop with me. It would hilarious to watch the Jocks slip and fall, a few people on the team certainly need an ego check from the universe. I giggled to myself softly at the thought. Peter, and I going to a football game together… that would be absurd. Perhaps in a another universe, with another me.

I let out a heavy sigh as I made my way down the steps. I nearly tripped myself which must have been my karma for my previous thoughts. Todays weather wasn’t very pretty. I knew it would rain more, and a subtle fog settles right about the fake grass. I spun around on the field, watching as the world around me blurred into abstract shapes. I flipped down on the wet grown and just laid there for a second, starring up at the sky.

That was until my phone buzzed in my pocket.

Peter: Where are you? You said you’d stay put.

I rolled my eyes at the message.

Me: Football-

I placed my phone back in my pocket, not bothering to read his second message. A few minuets must have passed, because before I knew it, Peter was blocking of the sun. I squinted up at him, praying for the sun to go back behind the cloud. I couldn’t read his facial expression from here.

“What are you doing?” He asked.

I shrugged my shoulders.

“Cloud watching.”

“Cloud watching?”

I nodded my head, and pat the fake grass next to me. I glared up at him when he didn’t budge. I reached up and grabbed the sleeve of his stripped sweater and pulled him to the ground. He caught himself in his other hand, before his face hit the floor. I let out a short laugh, as I looked up at him. Both of his hands on either side of my head.

“That wasn’t very nice.” He said.

It was a tone I’d never heard him use before. His usually gentle voice was much more rich, and a little lower. It gave me butterflies, or at least I think it did. People aren’t very good at describing what things feel like, so why does it have to be butterflies. Why not bees? I was brought out of my train of thought as Peter cleared his throat. I gave him my best puppy dog eyes.

“Hannibal will kill me if we get all dirty.”

“Then we don’t stay dirty.”

He followed my eyes to where they were latched onto the locker rooms. He pushed himself up off the ground.

“No, no way”

He held his hand out to help me to my feet.

“You’re really gonna trust me after I just pulled you down?” I teased.

“Come on, we should get going Newt.”

“But that’s no fun. Why do we have to leave? Can’t I just lay here forever?” I protested.

Of course, I didn’t really want to lay here forever, but I didn’t want to go back the house either. I heard Morgan was there, and he doesn’t seem to like me that much. And Kevin always says the weirdest things. And the whole place smells like pine-sol l and fancy antiseptic. It was too Sterile for my liking. The walls weren’t completely barren at least. Dr Lester seemed to have good taste in art.

“Ok, fine. What’s you’re plan?”

“My what?”

“If you stay here forever, what are you going to do?”

I squinted my eyes at him once more. I was quite sure this was one of those rhetorical questions. I always hated those, just say what you mean, making people guess is just rude. When I didn’t answer, he continued.

“You’re gonna sit right there, and the foot ball teams going to come out her. Best case, coach moves you out of the way. Worst case, they go through with practice anyway and trample all over you. And then you’ll die, and your body won’t even be useful to the earth, because this is fake grass.”

He did have a good point actually. I suppose I didn’t really want to see a bunch of guys fighting over their fragile masculinity. I reached my hand up and took his, pulling myself off the grass.

“You’re soaking wet.”

“Water kinda does that P. It’s not that big of a deal.”

“When it’s this chilly outside, yes. You’ll freeze to death before we even get back to the house.”

He quickly took off his jacket and draped it around me. I couldn’t help but snuggle into it’s warmth. It smelt just like him, the only smell I like in the house.

“Do we have to?”

“Have to what?”

“Go back to the house? I mean, just not yet. I don’t want to go back.”

He let out a sigh.

“Hannibal needs to check over your injuries again, I can see they’re bleeding through the bandage.”

“Please Peter! I just want to walk around for a bit.”

“Then we’ll take the long way back.”

I gave him a small smile.

“Thank you.”

He hummed a response. I absentmindedly locked my pinkie with his as we walked. I watched his feet to match his step so we were in sync. It was peaceful, we didn’t talk much on the walk. The fog made everything look like it was in a gothic style movie.

I watched as bird flew up ahead, trying to see if I could identify any of them. It was amazing how fast some of them could fly. It reminded me of when airplanes took off from the ground, picking up speed down the runway. I daydreampt about what it would be like to fly on the back of a bird. How many people could own giant bird hold? Could you pay them in bird seed? I wonder what the labour laws would be.

And the poor flightless birds would feel left out. The penguins and kiwis wouldn’t get to go on the adventure. I didn’t realise I was crying until Peter stopped walking and turned to me. He gently grabbed my wrists where the cuffs had been.

“Are they hurting you?”

I shook my head.

“Then why are you crying?”

“I’m just thinking is all, don’t worry about it.”

He wiped a tear away from my face.

“Are you sure?”

I gave him my best smile.

“I’m positive. We can go back now.”

He gave me a nod and we began to walk back to the house again. As we reached the front door he paused for a moment, turning back to me. I raised a brow in confusion.

"What's up?"

"Why didn't you want to come back?"

I thought for a second, I didn't really have a good answer for him. But I could never lie to Peter. He was my best friend... my only friend.

"I don't know, something just feels.. off. I have a bad feeling about today. Something was telling me to stay away from the house."

It was his turn to be confused. How could I blame him, it made no more sense to me. My gut feelings were almost never wrong, but I tended to ignore them. And that's how I landed here in the first place. I went on that stupid hunting trip with my father. I dint notice my fingernails cutting into the flesh of my palms until Peters's hand collided with mine.

"Stop that."

"Sorry."

Instead of going in through the front door, we walked around back to the garden. He sat me down on the large rock near the tree line. I watched as he walked around for a moment before picking a flower. he came back over and placed it behind my ear. He knelt down beside me, kinda like a parent would to a child. It was a little awkward. I don't like it when hs shorter than me.

"Have you had this bad feeling before?"

His question was asked with absolute sincerity. I gave him a weak nod.

"Remember that day I texted you telling you to fake being sick and stay home?"

"Yeah, I got in so much trouble when Morgan realised I wasn't actually sick. Morgan made me do all his chores for a whole month, in exchange for not telling on me."

I cringed slightly, I'd completely forgotten about that.

"And do you remember what happened at school that day?" "The left-wing caught fire."

"And what class were we supposed to be in that day?"

His face dropped slightly.

"Fifteen students died and countless more were sent to the hospital." "You think I don't know that?" I said louder than I meant to.

"I didn't know what that feeling meant. It's not very specific, just an impending sense of doom and something goes wrong. something always goes terribly wrong. Do you think I wouldn't have tried to save them if I had known? I have to live with that Petey, but you're still here, and I don't know what I would have done if you weren't"

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have insinuated-" "It's ok."

"Wait, the day we went down to the lake-" "And I sent you to go get snacks from the gas station down the road." "I came back and your arm was broken, you said you tripped." "Yeah, a tree collapsed on our picnic area. You were so concerned about my getting me to help you didn't even notice we left our stuff."

"That time we-" "Walked home instead of riding the bus and it flipped over that bridge and killed everyone. Yeah."

"I didn't say anything earlier because I didn't want to worry you. Who knows I could be wrong." "Newt my family is in there," Peter exclaimed harshly.

Tears brimmed in my eyes, he never raised his voice at me before. I frustratedly wiped my face with the sleeve of his jacket.

"I don't think it's them."

"What do you mean? You said the feeling you get isn't specific." "It's not. Not really. I mean-"

I didn't know how to explain it without sounding creepy. He must think I'm crazy. I can't really blame him, I'm just the weird kid he got paired with at the beginning of the year. The person nobody at school wants to talk to. The outcast.

"What?" he used a softener tone this time.

"The feeling only happens with you and me ok? That's why I dint know the school incidents were going to be mass accidents. I didn't feel anyone else. But I felt you, Peter, I- I felt you die."

His eyes widened, like a deer in the headlights. I felt awful, dropping a bombshell on him like this. But he couldn't leva well enough alone. I started shaking, terrified I just threw the only good thing I had out the window. He took my previous place on the rock, but I didn't dare move. I would give him his space if that's what he requested.

"Peter?" My voice came out in a choked tone.

He didn't look up at me.

"Peter please say something..." "How long?"

"I don't understand."

"How long have you known that this was about me?"

"Since the first day, we moved into town. You and Dr Lecter drove past my house remember? Their neighbour has just been brutally murdered and that Will Grahm guy was on the case. We locked eyes when you looked out the window. I waved at you from my bedroom."

"After half an hour you came outside and asked if you could wait with me." He continued the story.

"I thought you looked lonely, and he was going to be next door a while."

"I told you I should stay put until Hannibal got back, but you insisted I come inside for some water. But I don't understand what that has to do with this. Nothing bad happened that day. I mean besides your neighbours."

"You weren't alone in that car Peter."

"What?"

"From my view from the upstairs window, I could see down into the car. There was a man hiding in the backseat with a knife."

"Hannibal would have noticed if there was a man in the car. We live on the other end of town."

"His clinic's jsut a few blocks from my house, right?"

He finally met my gaze again.

"Ok, so where did that guy go? How come we never saw him."

I sighed.

"You don't remember what else happened that day, do you?"

He thought for a moment, before coming to a conclusion.

"Your dog got out when I opened the front door to leave. And he bit that guy walking down the street. The cops next door heard the screaming and fired their guns." He winced at the memory.

"Yeah, but Kaiser was just being protective. You never really stopped to ask why that guy was there. Or why Hannibal seemed to recognise him when everyone ran over to help."

“So if I hadn’t followed you inside-“

“Hannibal would be without the best thing in his life, and I wouldn’t have my best friend.” I smiled trying to lighten the mood.

“But I don’t understand, what was his plan?”

“Crazy people do crazy things. Kaiser was a hunting dog, he’s always obedient.”

“So it wasn’t my fault he got shot? You know I’ve blamed myself for that everyday!”

“No, I told him to attack, I wasn’t just going to let that man walk away, possibly to pray on someone else or just come back to try and kill you all over again. Why do you think my dad hates me so much? Kaiser would never just run outside, so he knows I was the only one that could order him. He lost his baby that day. My Father has never been a nice man, but he didn’t hate me until I saved your life.”

“So not only am I still the reason your dogs dead, but I’m the reason your father did this-“ he gestured to me. “To you. Why do you hang out with me?”

“Because you’re all I have Peter. I don’t need anything else if you’re by my side. Best friends forever, remember?”

I frowned when he didn’t respond. But there was a lot to process, maybe he just needed time. I’m sure I would if I found out my best friends was hiding something that big from me.

“Forever.” He finally said.

I smiled, pulling him into a hug. Neither of us were too fond of touch, but in moments like this, words weren’t really enough.

“So every single time you’ve gotten that feeling, I could have died?”

“You or I yes. The tree and the bus were supposed to kill you, the fire would have gotten us both.”

“I understand how the tree could have missed you, maybe you dodged, but how would you have survived the bus?”

I shrugged. The world worked in mysterious ways.

“I don’t know, and I really don’t want to think about it. Most of the bodies in that wreck were unrecognisable. The only reason the police knew who everyone was, was because the school had the bus charts.”

“Yeah, I don’t really want to think about it either.” He admitted.

“So my family isn’t in danger?”

“Not that I know of, trust me, I would tell you if they were.”

I stopped, the tingling sensation leaving. My brain felt clear for the first time since we left that day. No fog weighing me down and clouding my judgment. Just full, interrupted thoughts.

“I think it’s safe to go in now.” I said.

“How can you tell?”

“My headaches gone.”

I attempted to walk away toward the front door but he caught my wrist.

“You didn’t tell me it hurt you.” He said.

“Would it makes a difference? I can’t shut it of Peter. So why fuss over it? I can handle a measly headache. I could handle a stabbing if it meant keeping you alive and safe.”

I dragged him toward the front of the house, silently telling him to drop the subject. The nose bleed would start soon, and I know Peter would throw a fit if he saw it. I needed to get upstairs and to the bathroom quickly. I pushed the key in the lock and pulled us inside.

“When did you get the key?” He asked, feeling around inside his pocket.

“When we hugged you big dummy, never let your guard down!” I joked, running away from him up the stairs.

I left him in my dust. No matter how had he tried, Peter would never be faster than me. I may be small, but I’m fairly agile. I made it to the safety of the bathroom and cleaned myself up. I think it was time for a nap.

Peter’s POV:

“No running in the house!” Hannibal’s voice called from the kitchen.

I debated running after Newt, but I decided it was no use, they were quicker than me. Knowing them they probably locked themself inside my bedroom because they think it’s funny. I sighed, I wasn’t happy that I know had a a secret to keep from my family. Hannibal in particular could be pretty resourceful when it comes to getting what he wants. So I can’t let him suspect anything.

I walked into the kitchen to see that he was alone.

“How was your day Peter?” He greeted.

I don’t know how he always knew who was in the room. He didn’t turn his attention away from the food he was preparing.

“It was fine.”

“Fine?”

“Yes.”

I walked past him to the fridge and took a spite out of the drawer.

“Since when do you drink soda?” Kevin asked.

I didn’t even hear him approach. I jumped slightly and he laughed at me.

“Somebodies jumpy. What, your little friend making you soft?” He poked fun at me.

"Kevin-" Hannibal warned.

They shared a look between them, and that's when I noticed a small bit of blood on his collar. I raised my eyebrow in his direction.

"You might want to change your shirt, Uncle."

I took a sip of my sprite, Newt always hated taking the first drink. It was a weird quirk of theirs, they said it tasted like TV static. I hadn't even noticed it was something I started to do for them. It was a habit now.

"It's not for me, it's for Newt. We bought them for them remember?" I explained calmly.

"They like drinking your backwash, kinky." Kevin said.

I glared at him, what the hell was his problem today?

Hannibal had now taken his apron off and was headed toward the laundry room.

"Be sure the food doest burn Kevin." It came out as more of a demand than a suggestion.

He was never a fan of crude humour, but it's unavoidable when you have two young adults and a teenager living in your house. Well, I guess there were two teens now. Kevin flipped me off behind Uncle's back and I rolled my eyes. I made my way upstairs toward my room, I creased my brow when I didn't see Newt.

I sat down on the edge of my bed, leaving the soda can on the nightstand. Suddenly I heard footsteps and I looked up to see them.

"Sorry, wanted to get a shower in before dinner. Don't want Hannibal to kill me for being dirty right?" They asked.

I nodded. I eyed the drink on the nightstand.

"Oh, thank you." They said, walking over and picking it up.

A small smile crept on their face as they enjoyed the drink. I don't know how they could consume so much sugar all the time. Kevin swore that you'd be able to taste the sweetness on them. Of course, I shut that thought process down right away. Newt was off limits, even if he was just joking. Morgan should be back home today, and I'm a little nervous for them to interact.

I didn't notice them move until they laid their head on my shoulder.

"By the way, what were you getting at the school?" They asked sleepily.

It was cute when they were like this. Their eyes half lidded with sleep, and the way they tried so hard to fight it off. I could always tell when they were tired because they no longer slowed down their sentences. It was a conscious effort most days, for them to be understood. But when they were tired, they tended to mi their words together in a long string.

"Hannibal needed me to drop something off to the anatomy teacher. Boring adult stuff."

"Hmm." they hummed.

I chucked slightly, removing the can from their hand and setting it down. A smile and whine left their mouth in protest. I scotched back, letting them rest their head on my lap.

"Rest your eyes for a bit, I'll wake you when dinner is ready."

"No. I don't want to sleep."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yessssssss." They drew out the s dramatically.

I was anxious about dinner. I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt a little, which Newt took note of. They grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze.

"You ok?"

I nodded. They didn't press further, something I really appreciated about them. They knew when to stop asking questions. We sat down in our usual seats, them directly at my side.

"Everything smells great as always Dr Lecter." They complimented.

"I've already told you, you can just call me Hannibal, my dear. Oh, I forgot to mention, Morgan will be joining us for dinner this evening."

They opened their mouth as if to say something, but were interrupted when Morgan made his entrance. Always with the perfect timing. He sat across from them, on Kevin's right side.

"Why hello there, you must be Newt. I've heard so much about you."

He extended his hand to them, and they hesitantly placed theirs in his. He brought it to his lips in a gentle kiss. They couldn't hide the slight blush on their cheeks. They pulled away, dropping their hand into their lap.

"Morgan right?"

I could tell they wanted to smash their face into the table. They sounded so nervous and awkward. I rubbed their hand under the table, calming them. Hannibal finally set the food down at the table, taking his seat at the head of the table. Newt finally drew their attention away from Morgan and onto Uncle.

"Your lip," they said without thinking.

We all turned our attention to him.

"Are you alright?"

There was a small split on his lip, something you wouldn't notice in most people. But Hanibal was always pristine in looks, a single hair out of place would look like a neon sign on him.

"I'm quite alright Dear, had a bit of a disagreement with a patient today is all." "Oh no. That's awful. Did you call the police?"

"That wasn't necessary."

"But they hurt you, that's not ok." They frowned.

I could see Morgan's eyes trained firmly on them. He was studying them, and I didn't like the way his eyes dilated when he looked at Newt. It was clear I'd have to remind him that they were a guest in our house as well. They've grown far too used to killing to get their way. Sometimes it seemed like I was the only human in this house.

"They are mentally sick, Newt, jail is not a place for people like that. I'm afraid it would just make things worse."

"I suppose that is your call to make, not mine. Does it hurt?"

"I hardly remembered it was there." They gave a nod and turned back to me. They seemed to finally notice Morgan watching them, I watched a shiver roll down their spine. They weren't very good about hiding visceral reactions. It's like sometimes their body acted before their brain. The food was passed around, and we all began to eat in relative silence. That was until Morgan broke it.

"So, Newt, did your parents name you that?" He asked.

"Um, no. But I don't like the name they chose. I think people should get to choose who they are, don't you?"

"I suppose, babies don't have much personality anyway, I think it suits you."

"Thanks. But I disagree-"

My eyes widened at that. Nobody has ever said something that bold to Morgan before. Even Kevin stopped eating for a moment.

"With what are you disagreeing with Newt?" Hannibal asked slowly.

"His comment about babies. Have you ever met a baby, Morgan?"

"I suppose I've never interacted with one directly, no."

"Babies hold the world in their eyes. They aren't afraid of anything yet. They do not know right from wrong. They have yet to discover the atrocities this world has to offer. Everything they see amazes them. They are nothing if not untapped potential. It's fascinating how simple they are. And I think the way they smile without teeth is pretty funny."

I was a little taken aback by their response. They didn't normally use such formal language. Their comment at the end did sound much more like them.

"That's certainly an interesting take. I've not considered that before."

"Yes, very well spoken my Dear." Uncle complimented.

"Sometimes I think men are simple. Well, the men outside of this family at least. I doubt they use their brains very much, and if they do, they can't be that big."

Kevin nearly choked on his water.

"Oh, really, and what makes us different from those other men?" Morgan asked.

"Everything."

They stopped to take a drink of their water. I was kind of worried about where this conversation was heading.

"Manners make the man. I've learned quite a bit about manners from you Hannibal, and I've not been here that long. So I can only imagine how much more I could learn. What you have to offer the world is valuable, at least by my standards. But the other boys, they won't amount to much. Like Justin from class, he'll get into a fancy college because his parents have money. But he'll inevitably crash and burn after he drinks too much. He'll end up back at home with his parents, working the midnight shift at the gas station. He'll probably die in an armed robbery or something, no, a hit and run." They concluded.

Newt had actaully managed to make Kevin laugh.

"Remind me again why we haven't hung out yet?" He said cheerfully.

"Because you've been too busy picking on Peter, I tolerate you because Peter likes you. And because I am a guest in your home, I must admit you are my least favourite."

"That wasn't very kind of you." Hannibal corrected.

"Mt apologies, I was just trying to be honest. We could always start over, If you agree to stop bashing him for having me as a friend, I'll agree to give you a second chance."

"I accept."

"Brilliant."

"You are quite interesting Newt. I'm glad our Peter has someone like you as a friend."

"Thanks, but I think I'm the one who's lucky to have him. He is very important to me."

The rest of the dinner was very uneventful. Kevin and I offered to help clean up because Mogan would want some alone time with Newt. i wasn't excited about it, but I knew the longer I made him wait, the less patient he would be. Morgan was more paranoid and protective than the rest of us. I'd have to ask Uncle who we had for dinner this evening.

AN: I straight up forgot if Morgan already met Newt, so if they did just ignore that. It's been like 2 months since I've written for this series, I should probably have reread the other chapters, lol. Gonna write more soon now that I remember this series exists.

[sothischickshe]

#I'm relatively pro the show sinking the minnie ship...

....................................................

I.....................

I'm sorry but I can't let you say that

HOW DARE YOU????? 😱😱😱😭😭😭👀👀👀

Stdfghhtth, I mean i think it's a pretty clear statement 😂💅

Although this was in the context of: ...TO POINT OUT THAT NANNIE'S RIGHT THERE

I mean, I enjoyed the mick & annie dynamic, I err more towards enjoying/reading it as platonic, espec bc it initially had pretty big spares-pairing energy to me, but also and mostly bc annie/nancy IS THE otp 🤡

I'm deffo a multishipper at heart: you sold me on diannie, I sold myself on annie/the lady from Ben's school who was CLEARLY flirting with annie (are you😉 dating anyone😉 who could help pay😉😉), annie/Angela would have resolved the Kevin🔪🔪🔪🔪 stuff delightfully, I can easily be talked into annie/jt (they both need to sort their music taste out ooof), im probs more invested in annie & greggg platonically than anything else but they're kinda cute so go on and sell me, I was initially not that into annie/rhea but I will hear arguments, the short shrift paid to annie & Ruby's friendship in s4 turned me into a spiteful annie/Ruby shipper etc etc etc...

BUT! annie & Nancy's dynamic is so complex and layered and meaty 😭😭😭 Beth & rio had to do so much weird shooty kidnappy stuff to get NEAR their angst levels tbh! AND the thing that really bummed me out about s3 was the fallout from the annie-nancy-gregggg 🔼 being focused on annie + terrible therapist instead of the 🔼 itself really, but then s4 really did a lot to make up for that!! 😱🥰 There was so much annie-nancy content, & it was truly about them repairing their relationship, & that was NOT a magic wand fix, & the thread of their relationship felt like it was so important to Annie's growth, & I really did feel the need to go clown shoe fitting... Honk honk honk yknow

I did kinda feel like I could enjoy annie/mick as the beta couple vs beth/rio at some point in s4 (much chiller kidnappings; way less irritating convos; lady encouraged to eat food etc), especially after being beaten down by all the annie/terrible therapist & annie/Kevin content 🙃

While I think the choice to have annie & mick bond, and then mick ~betray her w/o explanation was kinda...odd, i don't think it's too difficult to fill in the dots. Say, nick has leverage over mick (potentially involving his kid), or (my fave) mick got increasingly annoyed at rio & Beth over the course of s3 & s4 and went full betrayal😈, ha. & I think annie + mick post canon resolution could be v fun, but equally i could be VERY into intensely mercenary (and only competent chess master!) mick ngaf 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️ (especially in combo with annie not clocking oh another MANipulation maybe???)

I think the fact that mick is working with nick is actually seeded in reasonably well across s4 (I mean why else is he available for middle of the night tagging or random intimidations etc etc), although rio himself apparently not noticing this fact is Wild/hilarious... Like, I'll fully believe he's too drunk to realise that mick is actually his nick-installed supervisor, sure 🍻🍻🍻

I deffo think the mick shooting Beth thing was kinda rushed (and her collapsing a bit of a lazy audience fake out) & the minorish impact of the shoulder wound would have worked better with Beth receiving the gut punch of Annie's arrest (though I can understand why they wouldn't want to end on that also). But overall I think my biggest issue is we don't really know where this rio-nick struggle for mick's affection/loyalty/whatever came from, or indeed what the fallout is?!

Tbh i initially read the blah blah he's not on your payroll any more as mick being dead, but actually it's probs funnier to assume that rio's response to a possible rat is swift murder vs his response to any actual violent betrayal is essentially a hat tip pgfghhhh

Overall, I'm just not that fussed about the annie/mick sinkage, maybe if mick had actually done me a solid and wounded doc whosit and/or terrible Kevin, I'd have it in me to care more 🤷🏼‍♀️ Idk that I think the show was actually writing towards annie/nancy endgame lmao (though leave me to my delusions 😂🎀🤡 ha) but through a certain lens it does feel like the show was trying to beat you over the head with the fact that annie/men was a terrible combo, and a storyline where annie came out ages after her son could have been really lovely and realistic ❤️ (it also WOULD result in hilarious grudging annie-dean friendship, but that's by the by).

[stabbyfoxandrew]

Some Vampdrew pretty please

WIP Wednesday (4/10) | Vampire Andrew AU (Part 104-B)

"Speaking of watching your mouth..." Aaron starts, turning towards Andrew with a sort of ticked-off look on his face. When Andrew catches his thoughts, he almost smiles. "My Eggos were gone this morning. Did you take them?"

"Yes."

Aaron throws his hands into the air. "Seriously? You ate my last fucking waffles?"

"I didn't say that."

Aaron exhales through his nose. "So... To be clear, you took them but didn't eat them?"

"Yeah. Believe me I tried to eat them, but they were trying to chew on a tire. And I literally have fangs. But if you'd like them they're somewhere over that way," Andrew says, pointing towards the window and the direction in which he flung them off the roof. "And, in case you didn't know, they make for decent frisbees."

"You threw my waffles out the window?"

"Of course not. I threw them off the roof." Andrew corrects, then he mimes throwing a frisbee. Nicky starts to laugh under his breath at that but Aaron doesn't look the least bit amused.

"Bastard."

"I only took them because you took my last Pop Tarts." Andrew says, jabbing a finger at him. "We're even."

"Oh." Nicky stops laughing. "I... actually ate the Pop Tarts last night. Sorry, Andrew."

"What a twist to this detective story," Kevin says, rolling his eyes. "Can we get back to the vampire story and figuring out what to do about Neil?"

"It'll be fine." Andrew says. "The more time I spend around him, the less... tempting he'll be. Easy."

"That's stupid. It'll never work," Aaron says. Andrew flips him off but his brother pays him no mind, turning instead to their cousin. "Nicky, will you drive me to the store? I need to get some more waffles."

"I'll drive," Andrew says as he stands up. "I have to get some Pop Tarts. And toothbrushes." When the others all give him looks, he shakes his head. "Don't ask."

---

Aaron doesn't particularly like riding with Andrew when he's medicated and he makes that well known. But Andrew's reflexes are better than they ever were when he was human, even when he's got the poison in his system. So he eventually accepts the ride offer and the two of them head off to the grocery store.

When they get there, they split up. Andrew finds his Pop Tarts quickly and grabs four boxes, just to be safe. Then he gets twice that amount of toothbrushes. As he patrols the aisles looking for his brother, Andrew sees a man wearing a worn-out hoodie that makes him think of Neil. It's certainly not him, he a bit too tall and a bit too heavy. But Andrew's mind is flooded with bad thoughts.

I know where he is. Coach's place isn't far. I could eat him right now. Andrew's fangs prick his bottom lip, his hunger steering him towards the exit. It takes everything in him not to start running. But then Aaron appears in front of him, hilariously in front of a shelf full of bandages.

"Where are you running off to?" says Aaron. Andrew blinks, snapping out of whatever the hell that was, and looks down at his basket. He's already got what he needs? Oh, right. Yeah.

"To pay for my very wise purchases, where else?" Andrew says, holding up his basket.

"I thought you were going to leave me here." Aaron accuses. Andrew just laughs. And drops a couple variety packs of Band-Aids into his basket. Just in case.

[ambiguousdisorderken]

in your expert opinion what are some of the most destiel-heavy episodes of spn? i stopped watching around season 7 and have no interest in engaging w the plot of the show at all but i’m in the mood for some gay yearning ykwim

Hi anon! Thank you for reaching out to me about this, I’m, no-joke, very flattered. I’d seen a couple posts on this same question, very thorough and detailed lists on Destiel-centric episodes, but at the moment I cannot find any of them, that would’ve answered your request much faster. So, in advance, sorry, my reply is probably coming in extremely late, but I did write this from scratch, so yeah.

Even though storylines in SPN can be very shitty and hollow, I do feel that to get the full Destiel experience -that long-drawn yearning- one would have to watch the entirety of the show, even if Cas isn’t in the episode or if there’s no explicit mention of their relationship/bond because it gives you a better understanding of them as characters and of how their relationship affects the narrative.

Now, you mentioned you stopped around S7, which is completely understandable and justified given the Dick plot game was very weak and, in my opinion, annoying (so little Cas!). I’m going to start listing from S7 in case you want to refresh your SPN before jumping straight into unseen episodes. Also, since you mentioned no interest in the plot and are specifically craving those sweet crumbs of gay yearning, I’ll skip most one-sided / too subtle episodes and cut to the chase.

Lastly, I hate spoiling things, but you’ve probably seen it all on Tumblr. I tried to keep the episodes’ descriptions short, as it might come in useful. Stuck to key words, quotes and/or little comments.

 Season 7

7x01 – Meet the New Boss: Godstiel, sincere apology. Cas: “I'm gonna find some way to redeem myself to you.”

7x02 – Hello, Cruel World: Mourning. Trench coat melancholy. The heart-wrenching eulogy: “Dumb son of a bitch.”

7x17 – The Born-Again Identity: Emmanuel!Cas, reunion, longing, hurt.

7x21 – Reading is Fundamental: Honey!Cas, hug, hurt, reunion, that painful SORRY (board game) scene.

7x23 – Survival of the Fittest: Honey!Cas, forgiveness, adorable, wified Cas. Dean hits us with: “Nobody cares that you're broken, Cas!" but also “I'd rather have you, cursed or not.”

Season 8 (this season is so good and Destiel is the driving motor of it, I swear. If you can, watch it complete.)

8x01 – We Need to Talk About Kevin: Dean in Purgatory looking for the angel.  Cas is referred to as “your [Dean’s] angel.”

8x02 – What’s Up, Tiger Mommy?: HUG!!!, Purgatory reunion, face touch, very romantic. Monster: “ You'll find your angel there.” //  Dean: “Let me bottom-line it for you. I'm not leaving here without you.”

8x05 – Blood Brother: Cas vs. Benny cat fight lol. Dean: “Cas... we're gonna shove your ass back through the eye of that needle if it kills all three of us.”

8x07 – A Little Slice of Kevin: Cas comes back from Purgatory, but before that Dean starts seeing him in places. Very tragic; hallucinating your dead significant other trope. Has That boner scene. Dean: “I did everything I could to get you out! EVERYTHING!” Cas helps Dean see what truly happened in Purgatory and not his self-altered memories. PACKED!

8x08 – Hunteri Heroici: Hilarious, romantic, intimate. Dean and Cas have an heart to heart. They actually communicate. Cas “I’ll watch over you.”

8x10 Torn and Frayed: They work a case together, and when I say heart eyes…

8x17 – Goodbye Stranger: THIS. EPISODE. Dean “I need you.”

8x19 – Taxi Driver: Separation. Naomi to Dean: "You're hoping Castiel will return to you. I admire your loyalty; I only wish he felt the same way."

8x22 – Clip Show: Lack of trust, hurt, tense interactions. Romantic too (basically, Cas gets Dean an apology basket).

8x23 – Sacrifice: Meaningful conversation and a gay couple hit by Cupid parallel. Dean “So this is it? E.T goes home?"

 Season 9

9x01 – I think I’m Gonna Like it Here: Dean prays to Cas IN.A.CHAPEL. Worry, longing, separation. Dean “Please, man, I need you here.”

9x03 – I’m No Angel: Human!Cas and jealous!Dean.

9x06 – Heaven Can’t Wait: Human!Cas TEXT-BOOK LONGING. GAY AS FUCK. Gazing, touching, they even TALK (for real).

9x09 – Holy Terror: Adorable Cas, flirty vibes, happyish, funny. Cas: “Cas is back in town!”

9x10 – Road Trip: Cas comforts Dean, Cas and Crowley bitching at each other, overall protective!Cas.

9x18 – Metafiction. Cas finds out about the Mark of Cain.

9x21 – King of the Damned: Hug, strong boyfriends vibes.

9x22 – Stairway to Heaven: Cas gives up an entire army, for Dean. Metatron about Cas “He's in love………………………. with humanity.”

9x23  – Do You Believe in Miracles?: At this point, it’s canon stated that Cas will do anything and lose everything if that means saving Dean. Metatron to Cas “You draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was all about saving one human, right?”

 Season 10

10x01 – Black: Demon!Dean and sick/brokenhearted Cas in a slutty robe missing his man.

10x03 – Soul Survivor: ICONIC. Angel on Demon action! Cas turns down Hannah because he’s too gay and in love. Intimate Deancas talk.

10x05 – Fan Fiction: No Cas, but Destiel references. 

10x09 – The Things We Left Behind: That.Lunch.Date. Deancas introduction to co-parenting.

10x14 – The Executioner’s Song: We get Daddy Murder aka Cain. This is a Pivotal episode to understand Dean’s character development. Plus, it has Deancas interactions.

10x16 – Paint It Black: No Cas, but Dean opens up in confessionary; repressed BISEXUAL AS FUCK.

10x18 – Book of the Damned: Charlie meets Cas. Gay energies everywhere. Cute domestic little scene.

10x20 – Angel Heart: PARENTING! Essential to understand Cas from this point forward.

10x22 – The Prisoner: Just… just watch it. One of THEE Destiel episodes.

10x23 – Brother’s Keeper: No Deancas interactions but it’s the finale, and I recommend watching it because next season takes off literally right from here. No time jumps.

 Season 11

11x02 – Form and Void: Could skip to the very end which is when Cas comes back.

11x03 – The Bad Seed: Cursed!Cas. Dean takes care of him, even wraps him in a blanket. He also cradles his face. Extreme Hurt/Comfort. Jacting joices rejoice.

11x10 – The Devil in the Details: Could skip but has Casifer in it. Interesting to see his dynamic with Dean.

11x18 – Hell’s Angel: Casifer. Dean "It? It's not an it, Sam, it's Cas!"

11x23 – Alpha and Omega: Huggg! Cas willing to go on a guaranteed suicide mission with Dean. Very tender and sad.

 Season 12

12x02 – Keep Calm and Carry On: ANOTHER HUG! Dean presents his boyfriend to his mom<3 Soft and romantic.

12x09 – First Blood: Reunion hug<3, Cas pining… as in he counts his every minute without Dean.

12x10 – Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets: Direct parallel with canon couple. Crystal-clear mutual affection. One of the best. Angel Ishim to Cas about Dean “I'm gonna help you. I'm gonna cure you of your human weakness same way I cured my own… by cutting it out.”

12x12 – Stuck in the Middle with You: A dying Cas confesses his love. “I love you. I love all of you.”

12x19 – The Future: We find out Dean gave Cas a MIXTAPE!!! Very romantic and full of yearning, also worry and what could be seen as a betrayal (ish…).

12x23 – All Along the Watch Tower: Hands down, one of the most distressing Destiel episodes. Cas dies.

 Season 13

13x01 – Lost and Found: This is the worst because you have Dean trying to assimilate Cas’ death. Core of Dean’s widow’s arc. Jack introduction, that’s their new kid.

13x02 – The Rising Son: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?).

13x03 – Patience: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?). Dean to Sam “He manipulated him, he made him promises, said, ‘paradise on earth’ and Cas bought it and you know what that got him? It got him dead! Now you might be able to forget about that, but I can’t!”

13x04 – The Big Empty: Continuation of widow’s arc and Cas wakes up in the Empty. The Empty to Cas: "I know who you love. There's nothing for you back there." // Dean to Sam “I need you to keep the faith, for both of us. ‘Cause right now, I… Right now, I don’t believe in a damn thing.”

13x05 – Advanced Thanatology: Suicidal and hopeless Dean gets his win. Cas comes back. Gives me the chills.

13x06 – Tombstone: COWBOY BOYFRIENDS!

13x14 – Good Intentions: Happy and fun Destiel scene. So Very Married.

13x23 – Let The Good Times Roll: Season finale, Dean talks about retiring (plans include Cas of course) and just very nice to see them interact.

Season 14

14x03 – The Scar: Reunion.

14x08 – Byzantium: Deanand Cas dealing with their child’s death, then bringing him back by Cas making a deal with the Empty. IMPORTANT EPISODE.

14x09 – The Spear: Cas uses the royal We – married behavior.

14x10 – Nihilism: Dean is stuck in his own mind, and Cas and Sam try to bring him back. Cas “Please, you have to -- you have to try to remember, because the people in your life -- in your real life, out there -- we need you to come back.”

14x12 – Prophet and Loss: Dean gets his very own Dr. Sexy, aka Dr. Cas.

14x14 – Ouroboros: Basically another date (their kid tags along) and They TALK. Very intimate and established marriage vibes.

14x18 – Absence: Shits starts to go south. [ Dean: “Who cares what Jack said? We don't know what happened! But I swear, if he did something to her, if she is -- (points to Castiel) Then you're dead to me. (Castiel looks crushed after Dean says that).]

14x20 – Moriah: Tense and very upsetting. Relationship very damaged.

 Season 15 (I would advise watching the entire season because it relies heavily on Destiel. They’re the heart and the emotional motor leading the plot onwards.)

15x01 – Back and To The Future: Deancas’ in the aftermath of their kid’s death. Tension gets worse.

15x02 – Raising Hell: Tension rises, this is very intense. Cas “Dean. You asked, "What about all of this is real?" We are.”

15x03 – The Rupture: Breaking point ends in divorce.

15x06 – Golden Time: Painful phone call which speaks volumes about the current state of their relationship at the time. Also, good to see where they’re standing and how they’re coping.

15x08 – Our Father Who Aren’t in Heaven: Strained relationship so obvious they’re offered couples’ therapy.

15x09 – The Trap: MASTERPIECE. Back to Purgatory. Can (and is) taken as Dean’s love confession (because it is). 

15x12 – Galaxy Brain: So married. Little domestic date, you can see LOVE written in their faces.

15x13 – Destiny’s Child: AU!Dean and Sam. Not a yearning episode per se, but AU!Dean? SO GAY.

15x17 – Unity: God reveals that the only act of free will in any universe he ever created has been Cas choosing Dean.

15x18 – Despair: Cas confesses his love to Dean.

[maria-scribbles]

we’re just like kevin bacon!

prompt: for @bricksatanakinswindow​ ‘s halloween writing challenge! this was initially inspired by "mortal enemies accidentally showing up in matching costumes every fucking year" but once i started writing it kind of snowballed from there and i ended up with this lmao

ship: jj maybank x fem!reader

word count: 4.6k+ (i think this is the shortest thing i’ve ever written lol)

warnings n stuff: childhood enemies to lovers, swearing, mention of underage drinking, halloween shenanigans, makin' out, smut (not too explicit but i still think it's spicy enough to need an 18+ warning), jj and the reader being cute lil nerds and quoting movies back and forth, the author blatantly using some of her personal favorite movies/shows as inspiration for costumes, the author also making her opinions on ghostbusters clear (instead of the human trash can peter venkman, stan the adorable dork known as ray stantz for clear skin)

a/n: this was hella fun to write and i already have so many more halloween fic ideas bouncing around in my head (it's spoopy season, y'all!). title of this fic comes from guardians of the galaxy 😊

Of three things in life you were certain.

One, you loved Halloween more than any other holiday of the year; after all, you and your twin brother Mason were born just after one AM on October 31st so you could say a penchant for all things spooky was in your blood.

Two, Sarah Cameron was your best friend. Being neighbors your whole lives, the two of you were thick as thieves and spent almost every day together, much to the annoyance of both your brother and hers; as much as you loved Mason, sometimes you wished Sarah was your twin instead of him and you knew without question the blonde girl would trade Rafe for you in a heartbeat (with little to no guilt, in fact.). 

And three, you absolutely hated JJ Maybank. You'd been at the top of each other's shit lists ever since you were both six years old, when he made fun of you for the stutter you'd had back then and you dumped a full milkshake over his head as payback, and even as time passed and you grew out of your stutter, your disdain for the blond pogue only grew stronger. He was infuriating, plain and simple, and the mere mention of his name made steam come out of your ears. 

The boy was just good at being annoying and seemed to love pushing everyone's buttons, yours especially, and always found ways to get under your skin without fail every single time your paths crossed (which was way too often for your liking, but running in the same friend group made it hard to avoid each other). It became an unspoken thing, the great Y/L/N-Maybank feud, with both of you trying your hardest to piss the other off until one of your mutual friends or your brother broke it up and pulled you to opposite corners of the metaphorical ring to take a breather before the next round.

You'd never admit it but deep down you kind of liked it. You liked being at the center of his attention (granted, it was antagonistic in nature but it was attention all the same), his bright blue eyes following your every move whenever you were within his sights and you liked that you were in his thoughts even when you weren't around, a fact proven to you by the tiny notebook Kiara carried around in her pocket recording how many times he mentioned your name. Knowing you lived rent free in his mind brought you an embarrassingly high level of satisfaction that you'd absolutely deny feeling if anyone ever asked, just as you'd deny the fact that he lived rent free in your mind, too.

...At least for most of the year. Everyone, including JJ, knew that to you Halloween was a damn-near sacred time. He knew never to mess with you during the weeks leading up to the holiday and definitely never on the day itself, lest he want yet another milkshake dumped over his blond head. He knew that, the whole damn island knew he did and yet...somehow, some way, he managed to get your blood boiling every. single. year. And you, like a masochistic idiot, let him. 

It all started when you were twelve.

You, Mason, and your friends were finally old enough to go to the annual youth party held on the sprawling lawn of the Island Club, an event you'd been looking forward to attending every Halloween since you were eight. Of course, you were excited for the dancing and games and food but the thing you couldn't wait the most for was the costume contest, a chance to show off your skills and prove to everyone on the island that Y/N Y/L/N was the undisputed queen of Halloween.

So what if your hopes were a little too high (considering you were only twelve and going up against kids ranging from your age to fifteen), you were still gonna give it your all; you spent weeks perfecting not only your costume but your brother's as well with your mom, helping her cut fabric and sew zippers, styling wigs and painting props until everything was perfect. 

"Oh my God, Y/N!" Sarah, dressed as Cinderella, yelled from the passenger seat of her dad's SUV when they swung by to pick you up. "You look amazing!"

"So do you!" You said, slipping into the back seat in between a miserable-looking Rafe as Sarah Sanderson ("I lost a bet," he explained with a scowl) and Mason, holding your mini R2-D2 on your lap. Was it kind of cheesy, dressing up as the most iconic twins in movie history? Probably, but you really didn't care because Leia Organa was a total boss bitch and Mason was practically over the moon that he got to be his ultimate silver screen hero and swing around his very own lightsaber as Luke Skywalker.

"The Force is strong with you two." Ward joked, earning an eye roll from both of his children as he drove to the Island Club to drop you off. Rafe immediately disappeared into the crowd to meet up with Topper and Kelce and the three of you went off to find your own friends, skirting around the edge of the party toward the snack tables, also known as the most likely place for them to be.  

You spotted Kiara first, looking like an actual princess in her Tiana costume and waved, smiling when she waved back and beckoned you over as she said something to Pope, dressed as Albert Einstein, that made him start laughing hysterically.

"What's so funny?" You asked, reaching between them to grab two handfuls of pretzels and immediately dropping one into your brother's outstretched palm, careful to keep the sleeve of your white dress away from the bright orange-iced cupcakes on the table. 

The two of them exchanged a look that instantly made you realize something was Up™ but before either of them could answer, Mason asked around a mouthful of pretzels, "Where're Tweedledee and Tweedledum?"

"J, why didn't we think of that?" John B's voice came from somewhere over your shoulder and when you turned to face him, you nearly dropped both the droid cradled in the crook of your elbow and the snacks in your hand. Not because of John B and his hilarious Chewbacca costume but because of the fact that JJ Maybank, the one person you hated the most on the whole entire island, was dressed as Han freakin' Solo. 

"Yikes." Someone muttered behind you -it sounded like Sarah but you weren't really sure- and Mason nearly choked on his pretzels as he tried and failed miserably to keep himself from laughing. 

"You've gotta be kidding me." You huffed, rolling your eyes as JJ crossed his arms and glared in your direction, blaster hanging from the holster on his hip.

"Listen, Princess, I'm not too happy about this, either."

"Oh, shut up, you nerfherder."

"Who you calling-" Mason and John B cut in and pulled you both in opposite directions before either of you could turn it into a shouting match, your brother physically grabbing you around the waist and carrying you off while the latter caught the back of JJ's vest and dragged him away. Despite their best efforts to keep you apart, you ran into each other more times than you could count and spent a minute or two squabbling like cats and dogs each time until one of them intervened once again. It was childish, it was immature, and it was fun, even though you'd never, ever admit it. Ever.

You didn't win the costume contest that year in the way you'd imagined at all. Still, first place in the group category was a win in your book and it felt good, even if one of the members of your unintentional Star Wars posse was someone who tested every bit of patience you had. The four of you split the cash prize and you went home 25 bucks richer, stashing it away for next year's costume and pushing the thought of accidentally matching with your mortal enemy from your mind. 

You had no idea this thing was only just beginning.

The next year, you let Sarah and Kiara convince you to match with them and the three of you rolled up to the party as the Pink Ladies -you as Rizzo, Sarah as Sandy, Kiara as Frenchy- only to run right into the boys, your brother included, dressed as the T-Birds. John B, perfectly in character as Danny, immediately whisked Sarah off to dance while Pope, the most adorably awkward Doody you'd ever seen, went to grab some snacks with Kiara, leaving you stuck with the bane of your existence as, of course, fucking Kenickie (Mason, as Sonny, dipped sometime before then without you noticing). The two of you spent the whole evening glaring at each other and hurling insults back and forth at breakneck speed, more in character than either of you'd ever want to acknowledge and for the second year in a row, you won first place in the group costume category.

At fourteen, you went as Princess Buttercup and JJ showed up as Westley, fake sword in hand as he followed you around all night like an annoying fly, sarcastically drawling "as you wish" every time you so much as glanced in his direction. Your brother, dressed as Inigo Montoya, nearly pissed himself laughing and you wanted to snatch both of their prop swords and shove them up their asses. You came in first again in the group costume contest and begrudgingly split the prize three ways. 

At fifteen, you worked hard on a Dr. Ellie Sattler costume from Jurassic Park, he strolled in as a disheveled Dr. Alan Grant with mud splattered boots and tattered clothes, and you really regretted not taking the offer to be the Tai to Sarah's Cher and Kiara's Dionne. Once again, Mason laughed so hard his face turned red and you were tempted to grab the sword he was holding and beat him over the head with it, not just for laughing at you but also for the completely atrocious Jack Sparrow costume he wore. To your absolute horror, you and JJ won the contest in the duo category and you wanted to melt into the ground when they called you onto the makeshift stage to collect your reward. 

When you were sixteen, you and your friends "graduated" to the party held for the older teens inside the club itself. With costume rules a little more lax than they were for the younger kids, you decided to go as (an only slightly sexy) Janine Melnitz, complete with a prop telephone you answered every so often with a loud "Ghostbusters, whaddya want?!" much to the embarrassment of Mason, who was once again dressed as Luke Skywalker, this time in the fatigues he wore while training on Dagobah in The Empire Strikes Back.

You strutted into the party in your heels and pencil skirt only to nearly fall flat on your face when you caught sight of JJ in a terrible black wig and glasses, proton pack strapped to his back and 'Spengler' printed on the front of his jumpsuit. Your brother winced when you all but screeched "Again?!" right into his ear and grabbed your elbow, dragging you over to an empty table and depositing you into an open chair.

"There's no way this is a coincidence anymore! He could've picked Venkman, with all the womanizing and lowkey being a creep and thinking he's God's gift to mankind? It would've been the perfect choice! He's not nearly adorable or dorky enough to be Stantz or sassy enough to be Winston-"

"Jesus, you have a lot of feelings about Ghostbusters," Mason muttered, rolling his eyes when you shot him a withering glare.

"Shut up! Listen to me, there's no way in hell Maybank randomly decided to be, out of alllll the 'Busters, Egon fuckin' Spengler, okay? He had to have somehow known I was coming as Janine and did it just to piss me off!"

Your brother heaved a deep, heavy sigh that made you want to smack him and fixed you with a deadpan stare. "Or, have you pulled your head out of your own ass long enough to think that maybe you're just becoming...predictable?"

You really did smack him then, hard on his exposed shoulder and he yelped, scowling as he rubbed at the red mark you left behind. "Ow! What the hell, bitch?!"

"Don't you dare call me predictable, you dickhead! I pride myself on my costumes being very unique and unexpected -you know, out of the box!"

"Hate to break it to you but they're not really out of the box if Maybank shows up in a matching one every single year." He said with an infuriating, shit-eating grin, patting your shoulder before straightening the plush Yoda strapped to his back. "I'm gonna go get some food, wanna come with?"

Still miffed at his comment, you shoved his arm away and glanced down at your lap, ignoring your brother's sassy "your loss" as he headed toward the snack tables. Not even a minute passed by before his empty seat was taken and you groaned when you looked up to see who it was, your eyes meeting a pair of bright blues behind tacky, oversized glasses. 

"Hi, Janine."

"...Egon."

The two of you sat in silence after that, watching the dancing crowd under the flashing neon lights and sparkling disco ball until you saw him turn to face you out of the corner of your eye.

"Why Janine?" 

"Huh?" You turned to face him, too, one eyebrow raised in a perfect arch as he gestured toward your costume.

"Why did you dress up as Janine, Y/L/N?"

"I've always liked her sassiness and 'I like to play racquetball.'" You offered a casual shrug of your shoulders and carefully stuck a finger under your wig to scratch an annoying itch above your ear. "Why'd you pick Egon, Maybank?"

"He's my favorite." He answered simply with his own shrug, shooting you a genuine, real smile that you, for who knows what reason, found yourself returning without a second thought. "Smart, hilarious -plus, 'I like to collect spores, mold, and fungus.'"

For the first time in your life, your eyes rolled out of amusement and not annoyance at something that JJ Maybank said and, to your complete surprise, it kind of felt...right. "Really? I'd have pegged you for a Venkman stan."

"Are you kidding? He's the worst!" 

Never in your wildest dreams did you ever think you'd sit across from your hated enemy, not only having a civil -hell, downright enjoyable- conversation but actually smiling right along with him, laughing at his jokes and doing your best to ignore the sudden flutter in your stomach each time you caught sight of his slightly crooked teeth when he grinned. You didn't even notice when your brother returned with Kiara, dressed as Moana, at his side and two heaping plates of snacks in his hands until his chair scraped gratingly across the hardwood floor. 

"Kie, are you seeing this? Pigs must be flying 'cause they're actually smiling at each other." Mason said, cackling as Kiara turned to squint out the window.

"Yeah, I think I see one or two soaring around out there." She giggled and sent a mischievous wink in your direction. With your face feeling like it was on fire, you flipped them both the bird and took off, disappearing into the crowd and leaving all your traitorous, confusing thoughts about JJ behind with the boy himself; it was Rafe's last party at the Club and he owed you a dance anyway, but even as your best friend's older brother, cute as hell in his Thor costume, playfully twirled you around the floor to the Ghostbusters theme song, you felt more than your partner's blue eyes on you.

To no one's surprise, you and JJ won the duo category for the second year in a row and when you joined him onstage to collect your prize and didn't feel like you'd rather die than be up there by his side, you suddenly realized you were only certain about two things in life instead of three. 

At seventeen, you were confident you and JJ wouldn't be matching for once (after last year, though, you were kind of thinking it wouldn't be that bad of a thing). You'd gone cult classic for your costume, pulling inspiration from your mom's favorite move, 1999's The Mummy, and put together a screen-accurate Evelyn Carnahan in her iconic black dress, including a handmade Book of the Dead and matching key. You blackmailed Mason with pictures of him, drunk as a skunk and dressed in your Janine costume from the previous year, and got him to go as Jonathan, complete with a pith helmet and prop bottle of The Glenlivet.  

But, as always, JJ managed to surprise you. You literally ran right into his chest and if it wasn't for his arms instantly wrapping tight around your waist, you would've bit it hard.

"Whoa, careful there," He said, one hand keeping you close while the other moved to help you hold the book in your arms. "'The Book of the Dead? Are you sure you wanna be messing around with this thing?'"

Of course he'd make the perfect Rick O'Connell, you thought as you playfully raised one eyebrow and curled your fingers around the strap of the gun holster draped over his shoulder. "'It's just a book. No harm ever came from reading a book.'"

Mason was a little too in character as well as he dramatically rolled his eyes and wandered off, muttering "puh-lease" under his breath and shooting Sarah a conspiratorial wink that you didn't see. The blonde girl glanced between the two of you -arms still around each other and identical smiles on your faces- and grinned. The party flew by in a blur of movie quotes, laughs, and more dances than you could count and by the time you made it home, 50 bucks in the pocket of your dress and another group costume win under your belt, you were almost positive you never actually hated JJ Maybank in the first place.

Now at eighteen, you pulled out all the stops for your last party at the Island Club. You'd spent the last few months slaving over your costume, sewing custom pieces, hand-crafting your prop, and spending way too much money on body makeup and a wig but when you saw the final product in the mirror, you knew it was all worth it. You were ready to slay the competition this year and take home first place for the final time.

Mason, indifferent as always about the contest but willing to do anything to keep those pictures from seeing the light of day, didn't protest one bit when you forced him into the matching costume you'd made for him -in typical Mason fashion, he liked that he didn't have to wear a shirt and could show off his muscles- and spent a few hours perfecting his makeup.

You felt on top of the world when you walked into the party that night as Gamora, a replica of her Godslayer sword in hand and skin painted a perfect shade of green, followed by your brother as Drax, already flexing for anyone and everyone looking his way. The rest of your friends came to win as well: John B and Sarah as Flynn Rider and Rapunzel, Kiara as Eleven, Pope as T'Challa, and, of course, JJ as Peter Quill, Baby Groot perched on his shoulder and twin blasters at his hips. 

"Lookin' good, Gamora!" He called over the music, shimmying his way over to you with some dance moves that would impress Star-Lord himself.

"Flattery will get you nowhere, Quill." You replied in a sing-song voice, even as you took his outstretched hand and let him pull you into the crowd of bodies hopping up and down to some terrible EDM beat under the twirling disco ball.

"It got you out here with me, didn't it?"

You rolled your eyes and hooked the sword to your belt before stepping closer and draping your arms around his neck, twirling your painted fingers in his hair. "Just remember, 'I know who you are, Peter Quill. And I'm not some starry-eyed waif here to succumb to your pelvic sorcery.'"

You should've known you spoke too soon the second you saw the spark in JJ's eyes that all but screamed 'wanna bet?'

And that's how you found yourself in the middle of the single hottest make out session you'd ever had the pleasure of participating in an hour later: back pressed against the locked door of someone's deserted office, legs wrapped tight around his waist and his hands hooked under your ass, both your sword and his blasters abandoned on the floor at his feet, and he was either a sinfully good kisser or trying really, really hard to blow your mind.  

"I'm not gonna end up green after this, am I?" He mumbled against your mouth before trailing his lips along your jaw and you breathed a laugh, tightening your grip on his hair.

"This is professional makeup, dumbass. It's gonna take more than some kissing to smudge it."

"I'm down for some smudging if you are." 

You pulled him back for another kiss in response and gasped into his mouth when he walked across the room, one strong arm reaching out to sweep whatever was on the desk to the floor before setting you down on it.

"Confident, are we?" 

JJ smirked at your breathless question and the way you hooked your ankles around the backs of his thighs to pull him closer. "So is that a yes to the smudging?"

"Just shut up and kiss me." 

He did -very well, you might add- and you kissed him back, untangling your hands from his hair to slide them under his jacket instead; you helped him push it off his shoulders and it had barely hit the ground along with poor Baby Groot before your fingers were tugging his shirt from the waistband of his pants.  

"Someone's impatient." He teased, leaning back just far enough to let you pull it over his head and toss it somewhere behind you.

"Someone doesn't know how to stop talking." You whispered your reply low in his ear and then trailed your lips down his neck, smiling in satisfaction at the tremble in his voice when you kissed the purple mark you'd left behind earlier.

"N-never was very good at that." 

"'You should've learned.'"

"'I don't learn, it's one of my issues.'"

One of his hands gripped your wig, pulling your head back a little roughly -you'd have so been into that if it had been your real hair he pulled- and you winced at the way the bobby pins holding it it place tugged painfully at your roots. "Ow, not so hard!"

"Wait, what the fuck? I thought you were wearing a wig!" 

"I am but it's still pinned to my actual hair!"

"Sorry, but how the hell was I supposed to know that?"

The sight of JJ's face slowly turning red made the butterflies in your stomach go haywire and so you just shook your head, mumbling "don't worry about it," before pressing your lips to his once again. He was gentler this time with the pulling and you dug your nails into his bare shoulders at the thrill of his mouth against the exposed column of your throat, leaning back further and further until you laid flat on the desk.

His fingers had just unbuttoned your pants when your phone started to ring from your pocket, blaring the Star Wars theme you had set as your twin's ringtone. 

"Mason's timing is impeccable," JJ said sarcastically, chuckling as you clamped a palm over his mouth and answered the call.

"What the hell do you want?"

"Jesus, no need to be pissy!" Mason loudly replied over the applause crackling through the phone's speaker. "I just thought you'd like to know that we just won best group costume with Maybank. Again." 

The blond winked at the mention of his last name and pulled your hand away from his mouth, pinning it to the desk beside you with one of his while the other started tugging your pants down over your hips.

"Oh, that's cool, Mase-" You inhaled sharply when his lips touched the edge of your underwear, so close to where you wanted him most but at the same time so far away, and your fingers held your phone in a white-knuckled grip. "But I-I'm kind of in the middle of doing someone -something!- right now."

"Smooth," JJ said, not even trying to be quiet as he released your pinned hand to finish pulling your boots off, along with your tight leather pants that he casually tossed aside. "And I knew you weren't green under these!" 

Your laugh quickly turned into a gasp when his fingers hooked under your panties and pulled those off, too, and the touch of his tongue against the skin of your inner thigh sent white-hot lightning racing through your veins; the phone slipped from your grip, falling with a clunk onto the desk as your fingers tangled in his hair and he lifted one of your knees over his shoulder.

"Okay, I'm hanging up now! I already know you're getting laid but I don't need to hear it." Mason's loud grumble drifted up through the speaker and if you weren't so preoccupied with the boy between your thighs doing some downright wicked things to you with his mouth, you might've noticed that your brother didn't actually sound that grumpy before he ended the call and your phone's screen went dark, right as you lost control of your voice.

"Fuck me."

"Funny, I thought that's what I was doing?" You felt more than heard his response against you and a shiver ran down your spine when his bright blue eyes flicked up to met yours in the dim light of the office.

"You know what I meant, Maybank."

"Trust me, Y/L/N, I know. Question is: where do you want me?"

You tugged on his hair, grinning wolfishly at the way his eyes fluttered closed and a low moan rose from his throat. "Everywhere in this damn room, starting right here."

"I was hoping you’d say that.”

- Back at the party, Mason looked up and met Sarah's gaze, both of her eyebrows raised expectantly as she asked, "Well?"

He took his time slipping his phone back into his pocket before giving her a quick nod, grinning triumphantly when she immediately burst into gleeful giggles.  

"Yes! I just knew they had a thing for each other! Mortal enemies, my ass."

"I think that was the very first time in my sister's life that she didn't give a shit about the contest." Mason said and reached over to snag a cookie from her plate, chuckling when she pushed his hand away from the chocolate chip ones and toward the peanut butter. "We couldn't have pulled this off without you. I mean, making sure they showed up in matching costumes every year? Genius, Sarah. Absolutely genius." 

The blonde girl grabbed her own cookie with a wink. "Think they'll ever figure it out?"

Your brother just threw his head back and laughed. "I hope not! I wanna save that story for my best man speech at their wedding."

taglist: @sinkbeneathwaves @cordeliascrown @maysbanks @jjpogueprincess @jiaraendgame @alexa-playafricabytoto @sexualparkour @agirlwholovescoffee​ 

[katsidhe]

could you do 9.10 and 9.13 for episode reviews.

Love your takes btw.

9.10 Final Thoughts

well, well, well, if it isn’t my old friend season 9. God I love season 9. buckle in. 

Plenty of what season 9 tries to do with angel drama falls flat, but plenty of it doesn’t. It’s at its strongest when interrogating the ways that the angels are looking for personal purpose, rather than folding themselves into various suit-clad factions. In this episode, we have Gadreel, Abner, and Thaddeus, all with very different takes.

Thaddeus is the most boring of the three—a straightforward narcissist and sadist. (Lucifer will follow in his rockstar-impersonating footsteps in s12. SPN clearly has a dim view of the music industry.) We don’t care when he dies, and we aren’t meant to.

Abner’s found a family, and he’s let go of revenge. He’s clearly found peace and happiness—but it’s stolen.  I’m ambivalent about this. I guess I could take his word that his vessel was abusive and therefore deserves to have been permanently body-snatched, and I guess I could believe him when he says his new family loves him, even though they clearly don’t know what he is or what he’s done. His regard for humanity as something other than a project is… uncertain. Even if everything is as sunny as he explains to Gadreel, there is fundamental selfishness and short-sightedness here. Get what you want, Abner says, and never let go.

Gadreel asks Abner if his vessel is happy. This reveals both Abner’s scorn for his vessel, and Gadreel’s uncomfortable awareness of and respect for Sam (and his bartender vessel, who Gadreel stares at, and who accepts Gadreel back easily).

Gadreel! OF COURSE Gadreel’s gotta be the scapegoat for Lucifer’s release, HAHAHAH. I love him to pieces, oml. Seriously, the Sam parallels could not BE more blatant. I’ve talked about this before, that it makes the earned antipathy between them all the more alarming, all the more visceral. The big sticking point is that Gadreel’s years of pointless torture came prior to his “redemption” arc, rather than as a consequence of it. Gadreel has all of s5 Sam’s despair and helpless anger and self-loathing, all of his drive to set things right at any price, and all of it is amplified by his trauma.

Sam and Gadreel’s relationship is defined by its liminal spaces. Gadreel threatens to tear Sam apart, but he does not, even when he is tortured. He locks Sam away in a dream rather than force him to watch him kill, or to suffer. But when Sam forces Gadreel out, Gadreel leaps instantly on telling Sam he is weak, reciting back Sam’s fears and Gadreel’s own. This reads like Gadreel is aiming quite a lot of his own self-pity and self-hatred at Sam.

Cas’s murderous rage at Gadreel when his identity is revealed is fun. It shows that Heaven’s PR team did a good job, for one thing. But Cas is furious because it’s specifically Lucifer. And the Apocalypse, and all the attendant suffering, his and Dean’s and Sam’s. It’s a personal wrath.

“Stupid for the right reasons…” oh, Cas, your scarcity of positive human role models is showing. Also, Cas’s particular brand of reassurance here isn’t actually something Dean has a problem with. He expresses regret over having been tricked—he says he’s stupid, he says he got played—but he’s never in doubt that his intentions were good. He’s never in doubt that he did the righteous thing. He’s never in doubt that he’d do it again.

Dean apologizes to Cas for barring him from the bunker. (Sam will not receive an apology.) Cas compares what Dean did to Sam to what Cas did by trusting Naomi. There’s a key difference here. Cas’s moral compass is not the problem; it’s his critical thinking skills.

Crowley, Cas, and Dean are a hilarious trio. (Also, I really hope that Cas’s pimpmobile got to Heaven too, like the Impala.)

Crowley being genuinely sorry that Kevin’s gone and his willingness to risk his life to help Sam are the best two moments of the generally weak Crowley-has-human-blood plot line. They feel earned. [also Crowley’s ‘I told Kevin he should’ve run!’ is both accurate, funny, and sad.]

Let’s talk 4.21 parallels! I mean, first, the glaringly obvious: Sam locked down to be purged of something supernatural; Sam suffering; Dean unable to bear Sam’s tortured screams; a very atmospheric fan. Dean walking away.

and then, of course, there’s “at least he dies human.” Right off the bat, Dean tells Cas he’s going to kill Gadreel. Cas, concerned, says that this will kill Sam too; Dean, sounding tortured, says he knows. Now, obviously, Dean doesn’t kill Sam. He doesn’t even get particularly close. But it’s really interesting that this is the first thing Dean brings up! He declares unprompted that he’s ready to kill Sam rather than leave him possessed. Which is both a recapitulation of the save-him-or-kill-him mantra, and an ironic twist on the decision Dean made in 9.01. Then, Dean knew Sam would rather die than be possessed, but had him possessed anyway. Now, Dean has decided instead that Sam must die because he is possessed. Obviously Dean’s opinion on the possessing entity has changed in the meantime: Sam’s hasn’t, but Sam’s isn’t what matters. 

Dean reaches new levels of PEAK IRONY when he declares that Cas should possess Sam too. Cas has to actually point out that Dean can’t, in fact, volunteer Sam’s permission. Because apparently Dean had forgotten, lmaooo. Crowley, on the other hand, is happy to oblige. Dean directs Cas to burn Sam’s tattoo off.

The language of this entire scene is so sexual. I mean, it’s Crowley, of course it is, double entendre is his first language. But this theme recurs again and again. Here it is just more pointed than usual. It is queasy.

Gadreel has Sam trapped in a Dean-type happy place—a hunt with ghouls and cheerleaders, no organic produce to be found. And I don’t think it’s because Gadreel doesn’t understand what Sam likes. I think it’s because Gadreel’s aim was for Sam to feel comfortable, not blissful. It smacks of Hallucifer, just a bit—using the verisimilitude of Dean’s louder moods rather than trying to appeal directly to Sam’s contentment, because of his always questionable, always a question, sense of reality. If things were too smooth, too cheerful, Sam might just be suspicious. Sam is easier to trick by proxy. 

The HORROR of this episode for Sam: Gadreel washing someone’s blood off of Sam’s hands. Crowley pushing needles into his brain. Sam’s body and life as a bargaining chip as Gadreel threatens to kill him, and then as Dean threatens to kill him right back. The quiet heartbreak as Sam remembers Kevin’s death, as he realizes the magnitude of Dean’s betrayal. But the worst part of it, I think, is somehow still Sam’s face when Crowley comes to get him in the dream where Gadreel stashed him. How his expression just crumples as Crowley tells him he is trapped in a lie, that his mindscape is once again a prison, that he truly cannot trust his reality. The sheer devastation of this on top of Sam’s history, plus the knowledge that Dean did this—and he pulls himself together and puts his foot on Gadreel’s neck and casts him OUT anyway. Sam Fucking Winchester.

and then the Bridge Scene. The lighting, the staging… it’s fucking gorgeous. It’s one of those scenes where I knew as I was watching it for the first time, seven years ago, that it was going to be something. I held my breath and still hold my breath. I can’t take my eyes off the way that Sam is shaking slightly, the entire time. The way he can barely meet Dean’s eyes but he does it anyway. He SAYS HIS PIECE, says it clearly, says it with an even tone despite what he’s gone through, despite the holes in his head that were healed seconds ago.

I love the gentleness between Sam and Cas here. I love knowing that 9.11 follows this. I love that there is no question that Cas will leave with Dean—he is staying with Sam, to heal and support him, even after he spent this episode mostly reassuring Dean.

Dean does not start this conversation to apologize. He starts out with the intent to DELIBERATELY egg Sam on: “come on, let’s hear it.” It’s an incitement, because Dean wants Sam to act angry, so that Dean can feel more justified in leaving. Sam does not rise to the bait.

Dean has an excuse for every point Sam has: I had no choice, you were dying, it’s not in me, he saved your life. He says, “I did a bad thing with bad consequences and I would 100% do it again, anyway, bye.”

And then the most infuriating thing: Dean is in the wrong, so he tells the person he’s wronged, ugh, I’m just such an awful poisonous person, I’m going to burn for this. It’s so clearly wrong-headed. Intentional or not, it’s such an obvious invitation for Sam to comfort him that it might well have been embossed. If this were in e.g. season 15, or if the crime he’d committed had been less awful, I can easily hear Sam’s reassurance: no, Dean, I promise you’re a good person, we all make mistakes. It is the most toxic way possible to frame a potential apology.

The textual theme of Dean-as-poison (and, for that matter, the consequence of Kevin’s death vs. the initial crime of the possession) is an intentional muddying of the waters: Crowley, Cas, and Dean himself all bring it up in some fashion, linking some fundamental aspect of Dean himself rather than Dean’s choices to Kevin’s death. Crowley is trying to be cutting; Cas is trying to be supportive; Dean is both excusing himself and camouflaging that fact in his exhausting self-loathing. There is a complicated interplay of what the text says about Dean’s guilt and what it condemns; this pattern continues throughout s9, and reaches its apex in the next several episodes. Dean’s love as a condemning feature rather than a redeeming one is one of my favorite things about SPN, and s9 has it in HIGH gear.

But, here, at least, Sam doesn’t rise to this bait either. “Don’t go thinking that’s the problem, ‘cause it’s not.” The problem is obviously, achingly, exhaustingly clear. Sam’s spelled it out in this very conversation: you tricked me. You lied to me. You got me possessed when I was willing to die. But Dean, and a fair portion of the audience, can’t hear it. So he doesn’t. And they don’t, and they pretend that this line is some sort of puzzle! a cliffhanger on a conversation unfinished! when it was the conclusion, not the beginning.

image that is now inextricable from 9.10

[touchstarvedsam]

I was really gonna ignore that "superior"natural thing but I saw that they seem to have some talented artists. So I thought maybe they are doing something interesting (even if it's destiel) so I checked out their Google doc and omg I'm HOWLING! Eileen calls Sam moosie, Cas calls Dean squirrel. Dean calls Cas kitten, Sam calls Eileen otter. They say it's just a incollection of ideas that might not make it into the project, but you get a sense of what you're dealing with there. And this is from1/?

A brief perusal to see how much attention Sam gets compared to Dean & Cas (a word search gave 27/87/100 results for each respectively, so not too much attention to Sam. But sure, Sam is the favorite character of some of their writers). I'm sure a deeper reading will unearth more (like, Dean saying you are home to Cas, who says we're not at the bunker, Dean replies but you are home. That sounds like something Dean would say. And Dean wishes a tulpa into existence 'cause he misses Cas too much)2/?

They say they want to eliminate plot holes but it seems what's a plot hole depends on whether it serves their ship: purgatory stays (we know they love that arc) even if it makes no sense for Crowley and Cas to go through that much in S6 when apparently there are many ways in and out. Cas, the guy who failed at almost everything he's done, is a "master strategist". Every other retcon of later seasons stays as long as it serves ship purposes. Sam gets his fair share of attention but Dean is the3/?

One who teaches Cas about being human including the textures of food (Sam and Cas pbj moment erasure) and Cas should be the one to teach Jack about his powers (no mention of Sam and Jack's relationship). Other ooc things: Cas rides a bike and when Dean asks says it reminds him of flying. After Cain, Dean takes Cas to the farm for bees (?). Cas and Dean snuggle. Knowing Cas is alive gives demon Dean strength to fight to be cured? Dean speaks enochian to Cas. Cas making a mixtape for Dean. 4/?

Cas being in regarding Dean. "Baby jack walking around in cas’s trench coat going “I’m an angel”." Home alone type ep with Jack. Dean kissing cas's forehead when he's dead in 13.01. Crowley is Jack's godfather and gets him a hellhound pet. Sam has a pet fish? Dean sings you're my sunshine to Cas as he sleeps. "Uncle Gabe". Apparently John dropped Sam and Dean off at Bobby's all the time? I don't think this is canon? Keep 15.18 but change 19&20 (of course). There's no drama or angst like 5/?

Kevin's death or Crowley's death or anything that might add tension to the story. Unless of course it serves the ship so plenty of trauma for Cas including darkness (from the empty) and sharp objects (from Naomi). A small mention of Sam's trauma with Lucifer, thank God, but it's interesting that they have so little Sam. They can say they'll flesh out more arcs for Sam but it's clear he's not a priority from how he's not present where he should be. For example, Dean will explain everything 6/?

To Mary and break her out of her brainwashing. But where's Sam? She's his mother too. Other than Eileen Sam's most meaningful relationship seems to be with his pet fish (still confused about that). Even if this project gets better in the future, which I doubt, it's clear what the direction here is. It baffles me that they think this is superior to the show we have, as problematic as the show is. I wish them best of luck but I don't have any high hopes for this. Thanks for the laughs though. 7/7

Sorry for that long ass rant in your inbox. It's in the middle of the night but I'm cackling after reading their doc and I had to share it with someone. I thought you might find it amusing as well. Hopefully all my asks go through. On the one hand, I feel bad hating on a fan project. But the way they've positioned it ("superior"), the blatant disrespect to Sam, and all the shit their side has pulled since the finale (and long before that) has really irked me. Again, sorry.

I just- this whole thing was a whirlwind of nonsense, it took me a whole week to process it. I don’t even know where to start here, or if I want to just yeet my laptop out my bedroom window into the snow. They really consider their ideas superior to the original show? More like Inferiornatural, to be honest. Superinferiornatural? They can’t even seem to characterize them correctly, let alone come up with a decent plotline or idea.

So we’ll start with the nicknames, since that is where you started. The whole thing is painfully out of character, but the worst (and funniest) of them all is Dean calling Cas “kitten,” I might actually laugh myself into an early grave with that one. Dean gives nicknames to shorten people’s names (besides Sam; Sammy is the only person who gets an extended nickname). He’s not going to give someone a longer nickname than the original nickname he uses for them! And Cas wouldn’t actually give nicknames, especially not giving Dean the nickname Crowley gave him??? Otter?! Moosie?!  W H A T. Can we move on from grade school kiddie crush nicknames?

I’m currently manifesting Dean saying “kitten” in his gruff voice with that lip curl he does sometimes and I’m cracking up about it. Thanks for the amusement, heIIers.

Of course Sam would only be mentioned 27 times to Cas’ 100 because Sam means nothing to them. He’s only ever either been in their way or a cheerleader for that horribly characterized ship of theirs. I just love how, in order to make DestieI, they have to butcher the characters so irreparably that they’re unrecognizable. Good for them, they can’t even have fanfiction of their ship where the characters keep their canon personalities. 10/10 would laugh at again.

I love the Sam erasure. It’s true to the heIIers’ character at least. They’re a one-trick pony. I’m so used to it by now that I’m totally desensitized to their bullshit. But Dean speaking Enochian? What? When and how did he learn that? I can’t see Dean in his 30s sitting there willingly to learn the language of the angels. Not even if his “kitten” is the one to teach him. Dean doesn’t give a fuck about that. If any of them is going to learn Enochian, it’ll be Sam, and they can fight me on that. I will kick anyone’s ass that argues.

I hope the mixtape Cas makes for Dean is just 4 hours of that Spaghetti song by The Wiggles because Cas sucks at doing human things.

I’d love to see the Sam erasure in the Regarding Dean one. Just swap Sam out for Cas? So Cas is the only one Dean recognizes? Hmm. Where would Sam go? A smoothie place? Yeah, as if Dean would remember the angel who he’d barely known for 8 years at that time over Sam who he’d known since he was 4 years old, lol. Sure, Jan.

The entire 5th ask is WILD, nonnie. A pet fish? Dean singing you are my sunshine? Dean kissing Cas’ forehead? LMFAO. Crowley is Jack’s godfather. The KING OF HELL is Jack’s GODfather. I’m- hgfjdksl I’m sure Dean who was ripped apart by hellhounds would love for Jack to have a pet hellhound. Yeah. Absolutely. “Uncle Gabe” yeah, fuck that guy in particular. Honestly, I’m surprised they haven’t erased Eileen to make SabrieI endgame in their fic. SabrieI is the Sam version of DestieI. It’s just as nasty and abusive :) which was why the heIIers ship it. They’re into abuse. It’s their shtick.

I do wonder what the point of the fish is... Sam has always loved and wanted a dog... you’d think they’d give Sam a dog... but I forgot they don’t pay attention to the show unless the episode has Mushy in the credits. I literally saw a heIIer say they skipped episodes if Mushy wasn’t in the credits... so they don’t know how to characterize Sam or Dean, but from this message they don’t even know how to characterize Cas who seems to be their precious uwu baby angel so I’m not surprised. I can’t wait for them to start releasing this shitshow. It makes for good fodder to make fun of them all over again. They really watched a grand total of 146 out of 327 episodes and thought, “Yeah, my opinion about the show definitely matters,” and I think that’s fucking hilarious.

Sorry for taking so long to respond! Hope I did a good job, nonnie. <3

[libraryofloveletters]

Rating CM Couples Because I’m Bored

*I think I put everyone that I can remember in here but if I'm forgetting someone, let me know!*

A/N: these are in no specific order and yes I know you didn’t ask for this but too bad :) also spoilers are in there if you have’t seen the whole thing!

----

Aaron and Haley

The high school sweethearts storyline was cute 

Great parents 

I still think she was cheating, it was a little shady that her phone rang right after he got off the landline 

“Make sure he knows you weren’t always so serious” or whatever she said was sweet

Her death didn’t cause tears but seeing Hotch cry out her death did cause tears

Feel like her storyline could have ended better, they didn’t really need to kill her but they did it for the ✨razzle dazzle✨ 

Maybe they could have gotten a divorce and been great co-parents 

Overall: 8/10 (her dying was a shitty end) 

Gideon and Sarah (the lady from the cabin) 

Very short storyline

She made him happy 

The dance scene in the cabin in Fisher King pt.1 was adorable  

Would have like to seen more of her 

Overall: 10/10 (they were the least problematic couple)

JJ and Will 

Love them 

Will is non-problematic (stan him for clear skin) 

Their family is adorable 

He’s a great father (literally put his job on hold and moved states for her to continue her job after Henry) 

She could have definitely treated him better 

Could have included their other kid more, it’s always about Henry

Will is always about JJ, JJ tends to wander ? (the je*d situation) 

Overall: 7/10 (cause of the je*d situation and they could have made the storyline better) 

Spencer and Mauve 

Again, short and shitty storyline 

There was so much more that could have been done here (like maybe let him be happy for once??)

In suspense for the longest time about the secret phone calls and when Mauve was finally introduced, we got like 2 minutes of proper screen time with her 

Their little dance was cute 

Her death was absolute bullshit 

She tells Spencer that she loves him on the phone and he's in shock so he doesn't say it back, then she hangs up 

When he finally sees her in person, she’s minutes away from her death 

He had to tell her that he didn’t love her even thought he did (at least it seemed like he did) 

Bringing her back in season 15 was nice so we had some closure ?? (but why was she blonde ? they have hair salons in heaven ??)

Overall: 6/10 (hated the way it ended :( )

Derek and Savannah  

Savannah was the perfect woman for Derek. She’s smart, has a good job with a weird schedule (like his), not to mention gorgeous 

But making him settle down with the first woman he really showed interest in, didn't make sense 

If he had a previous relationship that didn’t work and then introduced Savannah, it would have made sense 

They were well suited, personality and looks wise 

Would have liked to seen their wedding  

He got married and we didn’t even get to see it :( 

The way their storyline ended was a mess ??

He gets kidnapped and when she gets him back, she gets shot and they almost lose the baby, then Morgan almost gets himself killed again and barely got back in time for the birth 

Overall: 8/10 (could have been better written but they were cute) 

Matt and Kristy 

Unproblematic favs 

King and Queen shit 

Great parents 

Love love love their storyline, from CMBB to CM, it was all around good 

They’re both hot and educated 

I don’t understand where they had make to make a 5th kid when he’s never home, she’s a lawyer (that has to be time consuming) and 4 children to take care of 

Their love as always on display, seen the rawest version of it in 13x19 

Overall: 10/10 (love them)

Penelope and Kevin 

The shower scene when Rossi went to her apartment was the peak scandalous moment for them 

Her wants and needs were too much for him to handle 

She was super independent and he wanted her to do what he wants in a way 

The whole marriage plot was dropped real quick 

He wanted a farm ?? (if I remember correctly) and she didn’t want that 

The end of their relationship was weird 

They had that moment at JJ and Will’s wedding and then that was it ?? He kinda just vanished after ? 

Overall: 5/10 (average couple)

Derek and Penelope 

Top tier 

Would have be a power couple if they got together (already a power couple but would have officially been one) 

The way they look at each other

The way the protect each other, especially him with her 

They’re in love you can’t tell me otherwise 

If they weren’t in love, why would he come back to the BAU and only see her ? 

They probably hooked up on the lows 

There was a lot of potential here

“You’re my god given solace” 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Overall: 10/10  (my favourites!!) 

Spencer and Derek 

Cute cute cute

That’s been there since day one

They always had a playful relationship but Derek was always protecting him, no matter what 

Although Spencer wasn't physically capable of defending, he still tried in his own way 

Their relationship has grown a lot since season 1 

“we’ll be bound together through space and time and some day, in another life, we will meet again” “I'll be waiting for you” like come on, in love. 

there was a lot of potential here too 

Overall: 9/10 (-1 cause it didn’t actually happen) 

Aaron and Emily 

Could definitely see the tension between them 

There was 100% chemistry there 

They both think alike, they’re very critical thinkers which for obvious reasons wouldn’t have works

Would have been cute tho 

In 4x03, you could see the worry on his face when she was inside. It was more than a boss/subordinate worry, he genuinely cares about her 

Overall: 7/10 (could have been better) 

JJ and Spencer 

Would have maybe made sense if they introduced it season 1-2

Didn’t make sense after she was married and had 2 kids 

The confession she gave him felt forced (under the circumstances, they were but still) 

The awkwardness after was weird, like you’re telling me the team and Will didn’t pick up on it at he wedding ?

Overall: -1/10 (je*d)

Tara and Daryl 

The moments they had were sweet afterwards like their hug 

They both had grown a lot since their marriage 

It was very mature of her to be happy for him after they split (she’s cool like that) 

Very short storyline 

Overall: 6/10 (they were very normal) 

JJ and Emily 

Elite 

Would have a power couple if the writers had actually put them together

should have confessed to Spencer that she loved Emily and not him 

All their moments were adorable 

Hot moms and Co parent Will (would have been so cute) 

Overall: 9/10 (power couple) 

Emily and Andrew 

Short storyline

Kinda pointless ? 

Felt super last minute and rushed 

Their dinner date was cute 

Overall: 5/10 (they were eh, could have been written better) 

Luke and Lisa 

They were cute

Again a very short storyline 

She was very determined to make Luke talk about his feelings (kinda pointless ?? he’d talk when he as ready) 

Should have called it quits after Phil died 

Wasn’t needed to drag it along, but they did and we didn’t even see her?? They just kept mentioning her 

Overall: 6/10 (average couple) 

Luke and Penelope 

Adorable 

Would have loved to see this storyline start earlier 

Maybe get to see the date ?? 

Their little flirting/bantering was cute 

There was definitely chemistry there 

Overall: 8/10 (super cute)

Spencer and Max 

This felt so rushed 

She was there for 2 episodes 

Dragging her into the Cat plot was shit 

It was nice to see him happy tho 

Would have liked to seen her nephew again, he was funny 

Overall: 5/10 (didn't really like this) 

Aaron and Beth 

This was cute 

They made each other happy 

She was good with Jack 

Understanding about his job (unlike miss haley 🙄)

Would have to seen this go somewhere else 

Her taking the job in Hong Kong was just a shitty end for their relationship 

Overall: 7/10 (could have ended better, at least she didn’t die) 

Rossi and Carolyn 

This was sweet 

Her death was sad, it was clear he still cared about her 

She was only there for like 2-3 (??) episodes

Overall: 6/10 (unproblematic but normal) 

Rossi and Hayden 

This was also cute 

Joy was the only good thing from this marriage ?? 

Them dating for like half a minute was weird 

Making Rossi say that racist ass comment after he was literally married to beautiful woman of colour was stupid 

Overall: 6/10 (average couple) 

Rossi and Krystall 

Loved them together 

Their little sneaky links were hilarious 

Miss Krystall is a bad bitch 

She’s super supportive 

Overall: 8/10 (my favourites out of Rossi’s wives) 

Rossi and Strauss

Hilarious together, it was cute

Rossi was always on her ass, he did what he wanted 

Her death was kinda shitty, Rossi cared about her tho 

Reid and Garcia bumping into him and then seeing her was funny 

Overall: 6/10 (ended badly)