#and just how alex sings it: once you start you won't stop until something bad happens and you are forced to. even if you know it's doing yo

[skylarbee]

Hi, so I'm lowkey new here, just been a few months and I really don't understand what people mean when they say something happened on the eycte tour. I see your explanations all the time so it'd be awesome if you were able to explain some of these things and other things needed for context. And I swear, I'm too deep in to turn around now so might as well dive into it properly lol.

hi there and welcome! :)

hmm, what happened on the eycte tour... we don't know really and i haven't seen too many people discussing it. as we know things changed a little between them a year or two after it, so i'm guessing (this is just what i think!) that they fooled around too much and had to deal with the consequences, which were less pleasant than they thought they'd be? as someone who had (homo)erotic relationships with two of their best friends (not at the same time 🤣), i'm telling y'all NOTHING good can come out of it and no matter how much you try to fool yourself and each other that it won't change anything - it will. it will change everything. even if we only look at the shit they got up to on stage, the closeness, the kisses, the not-so-friendly embraces and other fruity shenanigans, that must have had some effect on them and their friendship, especially because they did it routinely and got too used to it, and before they knew it, it was all over and they went on to do their own things, breaking the routine (or the bad habits, ey?) and being apart from each other. i don't know, and i can only hope that i am totally wrong, but then we have a song like 'killing the joke' from miles... "interstellar, dressed in leather, drinking bitter boy, you know the plan, but you never knew the ploy" / "since you've been gone, left the TV on, let the milk go sour, let the bills pile up" / "'cause you're my top, you're my top, you're my top one-hundred shows, why do I always have to go killing the joke?" - which is a sad break up song and which i've seen people theorise that it could be about what their closeness during the eycte tour did to them, and perhaps how one of them (miles, most likely) 'ruined' what they had by wanting something more from the other, only to be rejected/things not working out the way they thought they would (i'm not sure if i agree that this is what happened; i would think it was more a mutual realisation and agreement to stop messing about but who knows!). the 'top one hundred shows' line can only make me think of them and miles' tweet that said that the eycte tour was the best tour of their lives and we saw how incredibly happy they were. and 'killing the joke', well, as i've said, these 'harmless' games are only so harmless until one of them realises something which causes everything to change for the worst. actually, i feel like 'the element of surprise' could be tied to 'killing the joke' as it kinda discusses the same theme ("and once it’s started it’s so tricky to stop"!!!) and if you want a sloppy 'analysis' of it, here it is

[legolasghosty]

hi dino bones bestie, hope you’re having a great week!! can i request fluffy prompt 6. “Should I bring you some lunch today?” for willex? also good luck with the school papers!

OKAY HELLO HI I'M SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG!!!!! School was nuts and I had no time and no spoons, but it's spring break now so I have a dash of free time! Here you go, my dino bones bestie! Hope you like it!!!!

Willie closes his office door behind Danny, then lets his head fall forward against the cool surface. They don't regret becoming a therapist, not by a long shot, but sometimes it's just... exhausting. It's exhausting to care so much.

He wishes he could reach inside Danny's head and rewire the little part that makes him do everything in 4s, even just for a day to give the kid a break from his own mind. Or snap his fingers and get the teachers to stop deadnaming Amy. Or just fix any one of so many issues their patients had to deal with every day. But they can't. And some days, it just kills them.

He opens a drawer in his desk and pulls out their phone. Maybe he can catch Alex between recording sessions. Talking with their husband has always been a great way to get Willie out of his head. Even if it's just over text.

Willie - How goes the studio things?

Alex responds in less than a minute, so one of his bandmates must be in the booth at the moment.

Alexander Ortega <3 - Pretty good! Luke and Reggie have only resorted to throwing things at each other once! How are things at the office?

Willie chuckles, the nervous energy in his fingers fading a bit at Alex's lighthearted words.

Willie - Things are going okay here. I'm just tired.

Alexander Ortega <3 - Good tired or bad tired?

Willie - ...sad tired? I just wish there was more I could do to help everybody.

Alexander Ortega <3 - That makes sense. You care about them. Do you want to talk about it?

Willie considers it for a moment. They do want to talk about it. Alex has some kind of listening magic that lets him listen to Willie ramble on for half an hour and somehow get what they were trying to say. (Alex always rolls his eyes when Willie calls it magic, claiming it's just cause they've known each other for so long, but Willie knows the truth.) And that sounds really good right about now.

But Willie has another appointment in half an hour. He can't really fall apart right now, because there won't be the time to pick up the pieces. It will have to wait until after their next 2 appointments. Their afternoon is open, just some paperwork to deal with. And he'll have dinner at home with Alex. They just have to wait a bit.

Willie - I got another appointment soon. But later talking would be great.

Alexander Ortega <3 - Your last one gets out at 2, right? Should I bring you some lunch after that? Or we can go out if you want. With the way Julie and Luke are looking at each other, I'm pretty sure we're going to call it good on the recording soon anyways. Before everyone else in here starts having to play 3rd wheel.

Willie laughs. They can almost picture the heart eyes going between the couple. Julie and Luke always get like that when they're singing together. He has a feeling Alex knew the story would make him laugh.

Willie - YES that would be amazing!!! I love you so much!!! Just pick something up on the way, I don't really care what as long as it has calories.

Alexander Ortega <3 - Yes Ma'am! I love you too, see you at 2 <333

Willie leans back in his chair. They're still exhausted, but it's a bit better now. Alex always manages to do that. Even when the both of them are having a terrible day, just being with Alex makes Willie feel more at ease. It really is like magic. In their personal opinion.

[tyongxnct]

𝑡𝘩𝑒 𝘩𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑡 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑠 𝑤𝘩𝑎𝑡 𝑖𝑡 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑠 - 𝐿𝑒𝑒 𝑇𝑎𝑒𝑦𝑜𝑛𝑔

pairing: Taeyong x reader

special guest: Mark Lee

summary: You and Taeyong promised each other to go through everything together. You both dreamed of the music industry and after so many years, you finally got the opportunity to sign a contract with a big company, but they only wanted you, not Taeyong and you. At first, you didn’t want to do anything without Taeyong, but he encouraged you and supported you, but after your big success, Taeyong changed and his jealousy destroyed your relationship.

song: the heart wants what it wants - Selena Gomez

genre: idol!au, angst

warnings: mention of alcohol, swearing

word count: 4,8k

A/N:​ I really love this one and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do, listen to the heart wants what it wants by Selena Gomez while reading!! 💖

taglist: @alex-chann​

© tyongxnct on all platforms

I was on stage and I was thinking of... I felt like I know him though I know his heart And I know what he wouldn't do to hurt me But I didn't realize that Feeling so confident, feeling so great about myself... And then it just be completely shattered by one thing By something so stupid But then you make me feel crazy baby Feel like it's my fault I was in pain…

The award in your one hand and your phone in your other hand. You were nervous, almost scared. You whole body was trembling, and your lips were about to bleed, you chewed on them without feeling any pain.

You looked on your phone, for the millionth time in the last three minutes and there was still no call and no text.

You felt like the dress you were wearing, the beautiful golden dress, was suffocating you. It was tight around your waist and with every passing second it got tighter.

You clutched your heart.

Are you dying?

You can’t breathe.

Is this it?

Your vision is blurry, tears filled your eyes.

“Y/n! Can you hear us? Hey, honey, are you alright? Look at me.” This was your manager, she tried to calm you down. You were going to die, there was no other way to stop the pain.

“Someone bring me a fucking bottle of water!” she yelled to the crew in your dressing room. “You did it, Y/n! Artist of the year award is in your hands! This was your dream!”

You looked at the award in your hand.

Artist of the year.

Did you deserve this? Of course you did. You worked day and night, non-stop without any breaks, this was your dream and you did everything you could to achieve this.

But did you really deserve this?

“You looked absolutely gorgeous on-stage Y/n! Honey, you moved everyone with your speech! It was beautiful, you’re trending first place worldwide on twitter!” she told you as she handed you the bottle of water. Your throat was dry, and you finished the whole bottle in one go.

“Thank you.” You said and then you turned your phone off. He wasn’t going to text you anyway.

The water helped you calm down and the crew and your manager cheered and popped a champagne bottle. Today was your day, and you had to push every painful thought away and just be happy for once.

After the award show you found yourself in your bed, but it was hard to fall asleep. You could see the sun rising and the clock on your wall told you that it was almost 6am. You were awake the whole night, alone in a cold bed without him keeping you warm.

The bedroom door was suddenly opened with him stumbling inside. The heavy smell of alcohol surrounded the whole room. When he saw you looking at him, he laughed. He walked towards the bed and almost tripped on his way.

“Oops.” He giggled to himself.

You starred at him, curious about his next move.

“I saw y-you on the tv. You looked so small.” He laughed again like a little boy. He took off his socks and then his shirt.

“Do you know why I was on the tv?” you asked him.

“I don’t know and I don’t care.” With that, he got under the blankets and turned his back to you.

Tonight was one of the most important nights of your life and Taeyong simply didn’t care.  

The bed's getting cold and you're not here The future that we hold is so unclear But I'm not alive until you call And I'll bet the odds against it all Save your advice 'cause I won't hear You might be right but I don't care There's a million reasons why I should give you up But the heart wants what it wants The heart wants what it wants

Your history with Taeyong started when you were both around twelve years old. The typical childhood friends to lovers. You had your first kiss with him when you were fifteen, you officially started dating when you were sixteen and you had your first time when you were eighteen. Years later, with twenty-three, every memory, every special day with him wasn’t the same anymore.

You two always dreamed of becoming the greatest couple in the music industry. You promised each other to go through this together and love each other forever. Taeyong was more into rap and producing and you were more into writing lyrics and singing. For the first couple years everything was perfect, but it was also exhausting and tiring. The music industry was harder than you imagined and the day you signed a contract with a big company, without Taeyong, was the day your relationship started falling apart.

You didn’t want to sign the contract. It was always Taeyong and you or nothing. Taeyong felt bad and didn’t want that to happen, he couldn’t be selfish just because it took longer to achieve his own dream. Taeyong worked in your studio, you let him spend as much time as he wanted and he produced song after song but nobody wanted to sign him. Your company offered Taeyong a job as a producer to produce a couple songs for you and other artists, he accepted the offer and hoped that one day, he could produce something for himself.

Taeyong supported you at first. The day you released your first self-written single, he surprised you with a big party and a promise ring. A promise to be with you forever. When you released your first full album, your fanbase grew even faster and you album hit first place on almost every chart. You were twenty-three and you were a star.

Taeyong was distant after you released your first album. He never left the studio and produced day and night. Every time you tried to get close to him, he’d find an excuse to push you away. No company wanted him, and he was going crazy. You understood, you tried to keep your own stuff for yourself and never talked about your job, you didn’t want to hurt him more.

While you got more popular, Taeyong’s hate towards music grew and one day, he just stopped.

“There’s no need for me to keep doing this. I don’t want this anymore. I need money to pay for this apartment, I need money to buy food and-“ he rambled nervously.

“Taeyong, you know that money is no problem for us anymore. This was your dream, you can’t just give up-“

“Oh please, don’t start with that bullshit. I don’t want your fucking money! Keep it to yourself! Go buy yourself some diamonds or I don’t fucking know, a house or no, go buy yourself a plane!”

Taeyong hated it whenever you talked about money. He hated it that you gained more money than him and provided for you two. The thought of you now paying for the apartment drove him crazy.

“Taeyong, I don’t want you to stop trying. Just let me pay the rent, I love you I just want to help-“ You loved Taeyong so much and you knew how much music actually means to him.

“I don’t want your fucking help. You’re not paying the rent. End of discussion.” And like every other night, he left you alone and went to a bar.

You knew you shouldn’t, but you did it anyway.

You bought the apartment you were living in and didn’t say anything to Taeyong. For two months, he didn’t notice that the money he paid for the apartment was back on his bank account. You knew that he’d find out sooner or later, but you couldn’t sit back and watch him destroy himself anymore.

But one day, he noticed, and you thought it was really the end of your relationship. The future you always dreamed of was nowhere to be seen.

“Do you really think that low of me?! Do you really think I can’t even fucking pay rent?! Huh?! How could you do something like that behind my back!” he yelled at you.

“Taeyong, please. I did it for us. I don’t want you to worry about money, I can help-“

“No! No you fucking can’t help! I don’t want your fucking money! You think, now that you are fucking famous you can do whatever the fuck you want?! Is that how it works? Just because you sing like anyone else, you can do whatever you want? I don’t even get why people are listening to your fucking music! It sound like every other artist singing you’re not special, not unique! You don’t have any fucking talent but here we are, you get the contract and not me, someone with actual talent.”

Every word that left his mouth, felt like a knife piercing in your heart. You finally heard how he really felt about your success and it broke you apart. You never wanted it to go this far.

You sobbed, you felt numb and his gaze on you didn’t help. Maybe he was right. There was nothing special about you. He deserved to be in your position.

“I-I’m sorry-“ you blurred out, “D-do you want me to g-go?”

Taeyong’s gaze softened, you looked like you were about to fall apart, and he couldn’t catch you because it was his faut in first place.

Did he want to break up? Was it over now? Do you have to leave the love of your life now?

“N-No, I’ll leave.”

And you didn’t see him for next hours.

You did nothing except for crying while listening to your songs. He was right, there was nothing special about your voice. You were like anyone else. No talent, how did people even listen to you?

It was late, past 3 am.

You were still crying, and you thought that Taeyong left you- forever. You took off the promise ring and tried to fall asleep, but he entered the room, and you could feel his presence behind you.

Taeyong hugged you from behind and cried. His head fell in the crook of your neck and he cried with you in his arms, you were also crying.

“I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry.” He whimpered. “I didn’t mean anything I said. You’re perfect, the best of the best. I’m sorry, please don’t leave me. I love you.”

You turned to him. When he saw the tears on your face, he stroked them away and kissed your cheeks. “Please don’t cry- I’m sorry that I hurt you.”

You did the same with his tears and he noticed the missing ring on your finger. “W-Where is the ring?”

“I’m sorry, I took it off. I thought you’d leave m-me.” You told him and he cried harder. “No baby I’d never leave you. I’m sorry, please don’t take it off. I still mean it.”

You turned to your nightstand and put it back on.

“I’m sorry. I’m stupid and an idiot. T-This is just driving me crazy- Am I not good enough? What am I doing wrong?” he said, you could see in his eyes that he was in pain and it hurt you so much to see him like this.

“You are not doing anything wrong. You’re perfect, they are just blind and don’t see how great you are. They don’t know what real music is, Tae. You are so talented and please don’t stop trying.”

You put your head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat.

“A-Are you serious? O-Or are you just saying that to make me stop crying like a baby?” he pouted.

“I’m telling the truth. I’m not biased here. Well, I do love you but I’m really telling you the truth. You are the most talented person I know.”

“Thank you.” He kissed your head. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for earlier- I hate myself for saying that to you.”

“It’s okay, I know that you didn’t mean it.”

“I love you so much, never leave me, okay?” he said softly.

“I love you too.”

You got me scattered in pieces Shining like stars and screaming Lighting me up like Venus But then you disappear and make me wait And every second's like torture Hell over trip, no more so Finding a way to let go Baby, baby, no I can't escape

It didn’t stay like that. Not even weeks later, you were back to the cold and distant Taeyong, he was still the same cold guy who hated your success with a burning passion.

Two weeks later, you were back at the studio, after you won the artist of the year award, in the studio working on some music with a hungover Taeyong. He still didn’t talk to you about the fact that you won the artist of the year award and you were not going to say anything about it.

You were distant. You tried to keep your thoughts to yourself and only talked whenever it was really needed.

“Try again.” He said for the fifth time.

Your throat hurt after last night and singing the same verse over and over again didn’t help.

“Taeyong can I take a break?” you asked.

“Mrs. Artist of the year wants to take a break? That’s not so professional of you. Artists don’t take breaks. They try and try until it’s perfect.”

First of all, you thought he didn’t know that you won artist of the year? And second, so he knew but he didn’t even show you a tiny bit of love. You won the biggest award of the year and your boyfriend hated you for that.

“But my throat hurts- I can’t hit the notes.”

“Drink some water.” He pointed at the water in the recording room.

And then you tried and tried to hit the note, but your voice gave up.

“Fine. That’s it for tonight. We won’t get any further with that voice of yours.” He said coldly.

When you left the little recording room, you gathered your things together but Taeyong didn’t move. “Aren’t we going home?” you asked.

“You can go, I’ll stay a little longer.”

And without saying anything or kissing him goodbye, you left.

The pain in your throat got worse and talking was difficult. You were talking to your manager about a potential tour, but after one sentence your voice broke. You stopped talking immediately, the pain only got worse whenever you tried to talk. “Here drink this tea. You should stop recording for a couple days, maybe even weeks.” You nodded, your voice was still there, but you didn’t want to risk losing it completely.

A couple days later, you talked to your boss about taking a break for a couple months, a short hiatus to calm your voice and throat and just write lyrics for your upcoming album. You decided to leave the city and rent a little beach house. Your manager was happy, you were happy but Taeyong, well, Taeyong just laughed at you.

“Taeyong, I just told you that I’m going to take a break and you’re just laughing?”

“Our little pop-star got enough of being the star? Why? Are they paying you too little?” he said mockingly.

“You know that this isn’t about money! I’m stressed, I’m not feeling good. My voice is always breaking, it even hurts to talk.”

“You can’t even handle that, can you? What kind of singer are you? Pathetic.”

You had enough. You really had enough.

“I’m the pathetic one? Look at yourself for once! You did this to me! I’m recording 24/7 and you don’t give me a single break! How is my voice supposed to handle that?! Tell me! You hate me so much, you weren’t even there for me when I won that stupid award! We talked so much about being there for each other in the past, but you threw everything away because of your jealousy! You weren’t there when I needed you the most even though I’m always there for you. You promised me b-but I’ve had enough…  I can’t let you tear me down. I worked so hard, but It feels like a punishment to sing.” Once again, your voice broke.

“I want you to leave my apartment. I don’t want to see you or any of your stuff here. I’m done with you breaking my heart.”

Fortunately, your bags were already in the car, you thought maybe Taeyong would come with you, to relax and remind him of the love you once shared. But after what he had said, you just couldn’t stay with him anymore.

Taeyong looked at you, eyes wide open and lips trembling. Was he about to cry? Impossible. He must be happy that you’re finally leaving him.

“Y-You’re breaking up with me?” he asked slowly.

You took off the ring and placed it on the shelf next to you.

You turned around without saying anything and walked out of the door and when you finally closed the door of the car, you cried. Taeyong didn’t realize that you just left him. He was staring at the ring, he couldn’t move, he wanted to go after you, but his legs were numb.

After more than 10 Years, you left him. You had promised each other that you’d never leave each other but he also promised to be there for you.

This is a modern fairy tale No happy endings No wind in our sails But I can't imagine a life without Breathless moments Breaking me down, down, down, down

You lived at the beach for five months and you had no contact to anyone except your manager and a couple of producers you met. Your manager was always there for you after your breakup with Taeyong. You wrote so many songs in the past months, only love songs. Sad ballads about broken hearts.

You were scared to go back, scared of seeing him in the studio and scared that you actually weren’t ready to go back on stage, but after a long talk with your manager, you felt ready. Your five months hiatus helped you feel better about yourself and gain more confidence.

You woke up to the sounds of waves and you fell asleep to them. Your body relaxed and your throat didn’t hurt anymore. You felt good and you were ready to face the reality you were living in.

Your manager talked to some producers and that’s when you met Mark Lee. A young producer from Canada who was really talented, and you couldn’t wait to work with someone who wasn’t Taeyong. The car stopped in front of the building you tried to avoid for the last months. Your driver kindly opened your door and helped you get out.

“Thank you.” You said politely and entered the building with a nervous heart. Your manager told you that Taeyong was still working in the company, just for other artists and you hoped that you’d never cross paths.

You softly knocked on the door.

“You can come in!”

You opened the door and greeted Mark. It wasn’t your first time meeting him. He visited you at the beach house to talk about your new songs.

“My favorite singer is finally here in my office!” he said happily and hugged you softly. You hugged him back and sighed, “I don’t know If I’m ready.”

“Of course you are. We are going to produce some hits for you. I mean the songs you wrote are sad but like a good sad and everyone loves a good ballad.”

His studio was a little bigger than Taeyong’s and it was also warmer, the vibe was definitely better here. “Well we’ll see about that-“

“Yo Mark do you want to-“ suddenly someone entered the studio and when you turned around time stopped.

Taeyong looked, well, he looked like he always looked and that was perfect. His hair was a pretty shade of blue, he looked mesmerizing.

His eyes widened, his hand on the doorknob tightened and his body tensed. You weren’t doing any better. Your grip on your bag also tightened and your heart clenched.

Mark did know a little bit about your history with Taeyong, and the tension right now was crazy.

“H-Hi.” Taeyong said nervously.

“Hey.” You just said back, trying to avoid his gaze.

“You’re back.”

You nodded, not knowing what to say.

“So, Mark is a new producer here-“

“Yeah I know. I’m going to work with him.” You simply said.

“Oh, t-that’s good. I mean he’s good. Mark is really good.” He mumbled. Taeyong tried to meet your eyes, your beautiful pretty eyes he had missed so much, but you looked down to your feet.

“Uhm, Taeyong, I guess I’ll talk to you later?” Mark tried to save you from this awkward situation.

“Yeah sure.” He slowly left the room and you thought you’d die any second.

“That was so awkward.” Mark said and wiped the sweat from his forehead, “I can’t handle awkward situations, shit I thought we were all going to cry any minute.”

“Let’s start, I need to distract myself.”

Taeyong held his heart tightly when he entered his own studio. He wanted to ask Mark to order some food, but seeing you there after months, looking beautiful as ever.

Taeyong missed you and he was more than happy that you were back, even though you weren’t a couple anymore. You looked healthier and happier and he hated himself whenever he thought about the past. He was an asshole to you, you never deserved his stupid attitude. Losing you was his own fault and he had to leave you alone.

But Taeyong is selfish.

The bed's getting cold and you're not here The future that we hold is so unclear But I'm not alive until you call And I'll bet the odds against it all Save your advice 'cause I won't hear You might be right but I don't care There's a million reasons why I should give you up But the heart wants what it wants The heart wants what it wants

The past two months, you recorded and recorded. You new album was done, and you were able to perform on stage after a long time again. You were extremely nervous, but it also felt like a relief to perform the heart wants what it wants with a big audience.

Each song on your album had a deep meaning. After getting your heart shattered into many pieces, you wrote sad but beautiful lyrics. Everyone goes through heartbreak which is why so many people could relate to your songs.

“Are you ready honey?” you manager asked you.

“I hope I don’t cry.” You tried to joke but everyone knew you were actually serious. “It’s okay to cry. Just go on stage and let it all out.”

You hugged her and even Mark was there to cheer on you. “You’ll do amazing. The songs are amazing and you’re going to deliver them perfectly. Don’t worry.” Mark said as he hugged you tightly.

It felt like a déjà vu. You were in the waiting room almost a year later after you won the Artist of the year award, this time before you performed, and you still hoped to get a text from a certain someone. Did Taeyong even knew that you were going to perform tonight?

You breathed in and out and when you were on stage you poured your heart out.

When the performance ended, you didn’t cry. You almost did, but in the end you didn’t. The genuine smile on your face showed the relief you felt and that you finally reached happiness after years of looking for it.

You left the stage and adrenalin was pumping through your veins. A big smile was on your lips and when you entered your waiting room to celebrate with your crew, there was no one inside except for one person.

“Taeyong?” you asked, not sure If you were imagining him.

“Hey,” he looked you up and down, “You look gorgeous. Absolutely beautiful.”

You were shocked. Is it really him? “W-What are you doing here?”

“I watched your performance. Front row. I wanted to be in the crowd and watch you perform. It was phenomenal. You were breathtaking.”

He stepped closer, “W-Was the song about me?” he whispered.

You nodded, tears were about to fall down your cheeks.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that I hurt you. I was a blind little boy, I was so obsessed with the idea of me and the music industry that I forgot about you and your feelings and I can’t tell you how much I hate myself for that. You were always my number one priority, b-but then… all I could see was red and I let my anger and frustration out on you. I love you more than anything and instead of loving you I tried to hurt you and I thought it would make me feel better about myself, but it didn’t, and I realized that when it was too late. You left me and I was absolutely devastated. I couldn’t imagine my life without, and I still can’t. You were always a part of me, and I don’t want to lose the most important part of my life. No one and nothing on this planet is more important to me than you are. You are my world and when you left, my world stopped spinning and I didn’t know what to do. The first time I saw you after our breakup I-I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe that you were real and that I lost someone as beautiful and kind as you. I don’t need to be an artist. I don’t need fans- I just need you. My number one fan and supporter.”

You were bawling your eyes out and you couldn’t stop yourself from crying harder and harder.

Taeyong was also always a part of you. Everything you achieved was thanks to him. He was the one who taught you how to play the guitar and the piano. Taeyong helped you find your voice when you were younger, and you found your passion for music and singing all thanks to him.

You went through so much, and you never stopped loving him. You loved him on every single day since the first time you met him until now.

He came to support you. He watched your performance and it felt so good to see him here. Your heart was beating against your chest and you couldn’t talk, you were scared that your voice might break, but it didn’t matter. You didn’t need to.

One step, two steps and you were standing right in front of him.

Taeyong’s face was completely wet from his tears and his big doe eyes trembled, tears still rolling down his pretty face.

You cupped his cheeks and pulled him closer to press your lips on his.

You couldn’t remember the last time you had kissed him or touched him. His lips were perfectly on yours, slowly kissing you with so much longing and passion.

He dropped the bouquet of roses in his hands and pulled you even closer. His hands were on your waist, holding you tightly. He was scared that you’d slip away or that he’d break you. He kissed you tenderly, you were so fragile in his hands he was scared to break you with a simple touch.

The two of you pulled away slowly, he never let go of you though. You hid your face in the crook of his neck and sobbed silently.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He whispered to you and hugged you as tightly as he could. He would never let go of you again.

“I love you so much Taeyong. I always loved you so much and I don’t think I can love anyone as much as I love you. I also need you in my life- the months without you- I just wanted to go back to the days we were happy. I miss those days so much Taeyong. I love my job, but I love you more.”

“I love you so much. I love you. More than anything else. I promise you I’ll give you everything you deserve and so much more. Okay baby? Just like back in the days. You and me against the world.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

After everything you’ve been through, you couldn’t let go of him. No matter how many times your cried yourself to sleep, in the end, the heart wants what it wants and yours wanted Taeyong.

The heart wants what it wants, baby It wants what it wants, baby It wants what it wants It wants what it wants

The heart wants what it wants, baby It wants what it wants

[caranfindel]

Recap/review 15.03: “The Rupture”

THEN: Ghost/spirits/whatever, blah blah blah. The only thing of note here is that they choose to remind us that Sam is fated to kill Rowena. But I'm sure that doesn't mean anything. There are tons of reasons to include this. Tons.

NOW: We're still in Whatever-this-place-is-called, Kansas. Ghosts/spirits/whatever are still flinging themselves against the barrier. Sam's still in charge of the hunter troops. Expanded Team Free Will is back in the graveyard and they've got a plan that Rowena insists will work. It's a powerful spell that will "patch those holes up" in time for tea. (Rowena is back in a dramatic gown today, but I don't like the casual jacket she's wearing with it.) All she needs is a ghost-free space, which happens to be the mausoleum the gang found in 15.01. No one's thrilled about that. We also see the opening to Hell itself, which is a giant hole in the ground. It doesn't seem to give anyone PTSD, though.

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The gang salts the perimeter of the mausoleum while Rowena mixes up her spell, and right away something evil starts banging on the doors. She recites something not-English, her eyes glow purple, and we see the battered barrier glowing purple as well. But then she looks disturbed and the purple glow fades and she gets more and more upset and then collapses. "We're all going to die!" she says.

Title card!

Rowena asks for a drink and then has to clarify that she means "a real drink," and we have a cute wordless conversation where Sam requests Dean's flask, Dean says what, MY flask, Sam says yes, asshole, and Dean says sigh, okay. It's precious.

It is, unfortunately, impossible to screencap, but I'm sure someone will GIF it. In the meanwhile, let's enjoy concerned Winchesters.

Rowena says the spell can't work because the spirits are too wild, too desperate, too angry, and too numerous. No magic on earth can stop "those walls" from falling. Within hours. (Did we really explain the walls? I guess it's the walls between earth and Hell? And why plural?) Dean decides they're going to keep fighting as long as they can. He tells Rowena to make more of those soul collectors, but she says it's pointless. Probably because Sam's wearing the orange jacket, so she doesn't see any reason to prolong the agony. She says she may have been able to shore up the wall if she'd gotten there sooner, but now the wall is too damaged for her to save.

Belphagar leaves, ignoring Dean's "where the Hell are you going!" and Cas goes after him. Dean continues yelling that they're not going to give up, that's not who they are, and Sam silences him with a single hand motion because he knows how I feel about him being Chiefly. Sam crouches next to Rowena and puts a concerned hand on her shoulder and asks if she needs anything because he knows I also love him being soft and concerned.

Who DOESN'T know?

Hey, if you don't want to read some serious Sam fangirling, you're in the wrong place. You should realize this by now.

Belphagar and Cas are out in the cemetery, where no one is bothering them even though something was knocking pretty vigorously on the mausoleum door. Belphagar wanted to look at the giant hole into Hell. "Where it all began."

Meanwhile, Dean's loading up. He's not just going to wait for the world to end, he's going out fighting.

He's angry and backlit, and I love both of those things.

Sam sits next to him and they have a lovely dark conversation where Sam says he's out of ideas but acts like he thinks there still must be something they can do, and Dean says Chuck's "sloppy-ass ghostpocalypse" isn't going to be the last word and acts like he thinks there's nothing they can do but die fighting. And Rowena just sits sad and quiet and alone, paging through the Book of the Damned. I do like that she kept it and uses it in front of the Winchesters. But she says she hasn't found anything useful.

Back outside, Belphagor says the opening in the ground isn't a door or a gate, it's a tear. And he has a plan. "Lilith's Crook" is a horn that Lilith used to control her demons - it can corral all demons and bring them back home. (BTW, nobody reacts to the name Lilith either. It's like seasons three through five never happened.) It's in Lilith's chamber, which is unsealed now that every door in Hell is open. If Belphagor uses it in Hell, all the demons and spirits will be sucked into Hell, and then Rowena can close the door once they're not pushing against it.

Rowena confirms that she has "a spell of my own devising" that she could use to close the door. Well, she said earlier that there were any number of spells she could have tried earlier, so surely this is one of those spells. It's a healing spell - if the opening is a wound, not a door, this will allow it to heal and close up. Sounds reasonable.

It will require perfect timing, and she'll need some strangely easy-to-obtain ingredients (which seems to be a theme this season, doesn't it). And an assistant. "Dibs on Samuel. You're as close to a seasoned witch as we've got in this lot." (!!!)

She also needs someone to hang out at the edge of the hole and toss the figurative "bomb." And it will be dangerous, so Dean naturally decides that's his job. Belphagor drafts Cas to go with him, since he'll need help getting past all the pissed-off demons and ghosts who will be down there. "Yeah, Cas will go," Dean says coldly. "You've been to Hell before." Well, I mean, everyone in this room has been to Hell before (assuming we count Rowena's visit to Limbo as Hell), so. Cas glares at Dean, clearly thinking yes, I harrowed Hell to raise you, and I regret it every day.

Cold and yet HOT.

Hospital. Ketch wakes up just in time to get killed by the demon Ardat, who astutely notes that he's protecting his friends and won't give them up. There's your redemption arc, Arthur Ketch. I hope you enjoyed it. Moving on. (Also, doesn't Ardat look like a cross between Joanna Gaines and Meghan Markle?)

Cemetery. Belphagor asks Cas how he's going to get out of Hell before Rowena seals it up, and makes sure Cas realizes that his buddies don't care that he might not make it out. Cas pushes Belphagor into the hole and jumps in after him.

Mausoleum. A hunter shows up with supplies and Sam gives her directions on what to do "if this goes sideways," even though those directions should probably be "kiss your ass goodbye." Dean gets a text from "Ketch" and responds by laying out their plan and providing their location. Uh oh.

Hell. It's actually mostly empty. Belphagor claims he made Cas come because he just wanted company, and he wants to become best buds with Cas, having wormed his way into the Winchester's hearts. "Sam and Dean are just using you," Cas says. "Don't mistake that for caring about you, because I can assure you, they don't." OH, CAS, YOU WOULD KNOW, WOULDN'T YOU. Cas reminds Belphagor that he's an abomination, and then opens the door to Lilith's chamber, which is being looted by another demon. Belphagor's friendly with the guy, but Cas kills him. Awkward.

The crook is in a box marked up with Enochian symbols, which apparently couldn't be read by any residents of Hell other than Lilith. (Well, we can assume the residents of the cage could read it, but.) Good thing Cas is here! So convenient. The markings are actually a song of praise to Lucifer. Cas reads it, but nothing happens, and Belphagor says "They're verses, Cas. I think they need to be sung." We don't have to listen to Cas sing the whole thing, but we do get Belphagor mocking his angelic voice.

The demon then tells Cas to make his escape, which kind of surprises me - I was sure this set-up wasn't meant to end with Cas surviving. Cas tentatively holds the horn out to Belphagor, but then is flung across the room by none other than Ardat. She expositions for us that Lilith's Crook would have allowed Belphagor to rule Hell. She begins to smack Belphagor down, but Cas attacks, and holds her off long enough for Belphagor to stab her with his angel blade.

Cas asks him if it's true he wants to rule Hell, and he's all, no, I want to rule EVERYTHING. He'll suck the power of all of the souls into him, and he'll become a God. "I don't think so," says Cas, and runs toward him. But Belphagor blows the horn, and the ghosts/spirits/whatevers start flowing back into Hell, and into Belphagor.

Cemetery. Dean approaches the hole and wonders where Ketch is.

Mausoleum. Sam is anxious, and wants to be outside, fighting. Rowena makes him read the book as she prepares the spell. (What is he reading? He's not reading aloud. What's the point? Is he memorizing it?) When they hear Belphagor blow the horn, Rowena announces "it's time." She and Sam hold hands (d'aw) and recite the spell. I guess he was memorizing it after all. The spell bowl begins to glow purple, as does the "bomb" I didn't even realize Dean was holding. Dean tosses it into the hole without even wondering if Cas will make it out. So I guess he's still mad at Cas, if you were wondering.

Hell. Cas finally makes his way to Belphagor and tackles him, stopping the horn. As Cas punches the demon, his sunglasses fall off, and he looks up at Cas with his burned-out eyes and pleads for him to stop. "It's me, Jack." Gotta say, Alex does a good job here of playing someone trying to sound like Jack and not quite succeeding. I was afraid Cas would fall for it, but he doesn't. In fact, this inspires him to do the glowy hand thing and burn Belphagor - and Jack's corpse - to a crisp. Too bad you didn't wait until he sucked up all the souls, Cas.

Topside. Sam calls Dean and learns that something doesn't feel right, and the crack is closing up. Meanwhile, Rowena picks up a knife and plunges it into her own shoulder. As Sam watches in horror, she reaches in and pulls out "my last resurrection sachet - won't need that where I'm going." She tells him the Lilith's Crook plan may have been his only shot, but she still has an option. Because magic can contain anything. Even Hell, as long as she's willing to pay the price.

Horrified/confused Sam. Mmmmm.

She tells him "death is an infinite vessel" but he doesn't get it yet. All she needs for this spell are two ingredients. Sam's all, you have them here? Why didn't you tell us? "Because, dear, the first ingredient is my own still-coursing blood, and the last is my final breath." She'll absorb all the spirits and then throw herself Hell (!!!) and then, when her body eventually rots and the spirits are released, they'll be back in Hell. (So I guess she has to toss the wound-healing spell in there too, somehow, but that's just details.) Sam tries to stop her with the Single Upraised Finger of Reason, but not only does she ignore that finger, she tells Sam he has to be the one to kill her. Y'all, I always love the Single Upraised Finger of Reason.

I would obey this finger.

Topside. Cas made it out of the Hell. Wow, I was worried there for a minute.

Mausoleum. Rowena insists Sam has to be the one to kill her, because the spell requires her "real, permanent demise," and Sam's the only one who can do that. It's in the books. "You know what?" says Sam "Screw the books." YES SAM.

Topside. Cas tells Dean he killed Belphagor and the crook was destroyed.

Mausoleum. Sam tries to take the knife from Rowena, but she holds it against her body. "I don't care about anything enough to take my own life. Not you, your brother, not even the world. But I believe in prophecy, I believe in magic, and everything we need to end this is right in our hands." I don't know, Rowena. Those books you're so insistent on believing? They've been known to change. Sam rests the knife against her but he's still fighting it, even though she's shouting "kill me, Samuel!"

Then she clamps a hand on his shoulder and says "I know we've gotten quite fond of each other, haven't we? But will you let the world die? Let your brother die? Just so I can live?" Oh, well, that was the right thing to say, wasn't it? (Also, can we just appreciate Rowena admitting she's quite fond of Sam?)

Topside: Dean yells at Cas. "This was our only shot! What the hell were you thinking?" I like that Dean doesn't even consider that Cas may have had a very good reason for killing a demon.

Mausoleum. Sam says a shaky little "no" and I think he's saying no, I'm not going to kill you but I am so wrong, because he goes in for what looks like a hug but he's actually plunging the knife into her abdomen. He holds her close as he stabs her and then pulls back to look in horror at what he's done. Rowena PUTS HER HAND ON HIS FACE AND SAYS "THAT'S MY BOY" AND SHE'S NOT DEAD YET BUT I AM. Then she pushes the blade in further, because apparently Sam didn't do it hard enough, which brings up an interesting question - what if Sam's stab wasn't fatal? Does any of this still count?

SAAAAAAAAMMMMMMM!!!!!!

Topside. As Rowena walks to the Hell hole, all of the spirits are seen flowing into her wound. I want Sam to hug her again, without a knife (OMG IMAGINE IF SAM HAD TO ACTUALLY PUSH HER INTO THE HOLE) but instead they hang back. She turns and says "goodbye boys," just like her son did, stands at the edge, and then dramatically falls into the hole just before it closes. Sad MacLeod music! (which I rather like)

Goodbye, boys.

Aftermath! Sam's sitting sadly on his bed. Dean comes in wearing a single layer, and it's a henley, and Sam's entire shirt is unbuttoned, so thank you baby Jesus for this bit of comfort we surely need after all that hurt. He asks how Sam is holding up, and Sam doesn't answer that question. He just wipes his eyes and makes a how do you think noise and asks if there's any word from Stevie, who I guess is one of the other hunters. Yeah, and the word is that the town is good, but Ketch is dead. "Bad. Probably demon."

We did it though, man. It's over. God threw one last apocalypse at us, and we beat it.

...

Yep.

What you did. Rowena. You didn't have a choice.

...

I know.

Oh, Sam! His soft sad little "yep," his reaction to Ketch, the way his little face scrunches up when Dean says Rowena's name... And Dean's trying to hard to be supportive.

Oh boys.

Aftermath part 2. Dean's drinking whiskey when Cas comes in and asks how Sam is. Dean's very short with him, and asks why he didn't just follow the plan. Because sure, Belphagor was going to suck up all the power of every soul in Hell and become the worst Big Bad ever, but Dean thinks they just would have figured that out afterward. And Dean has a point, but I don't know if it's the one he thinks he has. Cas didn't know Rowena had a self-sacrificial Plan B in mind. The only information he had was that if Belphegor didn't trap all the spirits in Hell, they'd end up destroying the world. And he killed Belphegor anyway. So yeah, Dean's mad because Rowena is dead, but the issue IMHO isn't that Cas's actions forced Rowena to take extreme measures, it's that they would have destroyed the world had she not been able to do that.

The plan changed, Dean. Something went wrong. You know this. Something always goes wrong.

Yeah, why does that something always seem to be you?

You used to trust me, give me the benefit of the doubt. Now you can barely look at me. My powers are failing and I've tried to talk to you over and over and you just don't want to hear it. You don't care. I'm dead to you. You still blame me for Mary. I don't think there's anything left to say.

Where you going?

Jack's dead. Chuck's gone. You and Sam have each other. I think it's time for me to move on.

Sad Winchester music!

Oh. Wow. That was really cold, Dean. Now you're not trying to be supportive at all.

But we get your angry face, which I adore.

So! There's a lot packed into this episode, isn't there? So many deaths. I was surprised that both Belphegor and Ardat bit it, since I presumed one or both of them would be Big Bads this year. Are we down to just Chuck, then? There's also whatever Billie is cooking up with dead Jack; I guess that could be badness. Ketch is gone, which I'm honestly fine with. The only bad thing about Cas walking out is that it means we're going to have a separate Cas plot again, which I'm not thrilled about. And Rowena. I mean, I love her and will miss her, but I should be gutted, and I'm not. Is it because I know we're saying goodbye to all of them soon anyway? Is it because I've decided this is going to happen? Maybe.

But that's so many deaths for one episode. Is this the endgame? Just killing every supporting character we can think of?

And let me just point out that if any of this plot feels familiar - Rowena recognizes Sam as a witch and has him do a spell, secretly comes up with a world-saving spell that requires her death, and forces Sam to fulfill his prophecy by stabbing her, no matter how hard he protests - if any of this feels the slightest bit familiar, could it be because I ALREADY WROTE IT? Maybe.

(Waves to Robert Berens, who surely reads my LJ.)

Anyway. Please help me stay unspoiled, thanks!