#and judging by all the wonderful people I've met in the community I think I'm right.

[zylphiacrowley]

I saw this post that @deathflare posted yesterday and it always makes my heart happy to see the supportive side of the community.

Unfortunately I do not have a twitter, so I can't join over there, but I'd still like to show my support from the tumblr side of things at least.

Donation screenshot under the cut. ♥

[dr-spectre]

Okay so this rant is gonna be mildly nsfw. So if you are a minor DONT LOOK! OKAY?! GET OUT! I DONT WANT MINORS TO LOOK AT THIS SHIT!!!! THIS IS FOR 18+ ONLY!

Im gonna be talking about an issue when it comes to a subset of people in the Splatoon community. So yeah, MINORS! LEAVE!!!!!

Go on... leave....

Imma be real, a fair amount of the straight male fans in the Splatoon community who constantly sexualise all the women in the series need to realize that characters like Marina and Shiver would never get with you and you wouldn't be able to handle them either. You would not be able to handle Marina's hour long autistic rambles about excavators and machinery, and if you judged her for her interests because your pp is getting soft listening to her, she would despise you and not have sex with a random dude like you. She is not eye candy. She is not some slab of meat to go "AWOOOGGA HUMNA HUMNA HUMNA!" at. She's a dorky girl who has nerdy interests and is canonically a lesbian, not some bimbo to get looked at like a toy for your eyeballs. Sorry to burst your bubble.

You would probably HATE Shiver if you met her, i guarantee it. Marie as well, you would probably find her annoying and not vibe with her snarky personality despite you wanting to do bad things to her because you only see her as flesh for your pleasure. Marie hates and makes fun of ""fans"" like you. Sorry to tell ya. If you see Marie as some dommy mommy then I'm gonna have to ask you to get the fuck out of my sight dude. If you sexualise Callie too and make her some weird lustful woman who wants sex all the time, I will fucking murder you idc.

You would crumble to dust and get rejected SOOOOO fast by women who look and act like them. I'm telling you. Or they would run away from you so fast because you smell terrible.

Start thinking with your head and not the small head downstairs.

Listen, we get it, they are attractive, but don't make it your whole personality and say how much you wanna f them and use nsfw art of them in thumbnails and discussions (you can figure out which youtuber I'm talking about here...)

I say that stuff as a joke at 1am at night and 99.9% of the time i talk about how wonderful their personalities and stories are. I ain't going "ZAMN!!!" over these characters because I'm not THAT big of a loser.

Marina being so passionate and giddy about her interests is one of the reasons why i like her so much. Marie being so relatable is why i like her, Shiver being such a silly girlfailure who's funny is why i like her, not because of their hips ffs. That's like the last thing on my mind when i think about these amazing characters.

As a straight male myself, you guys gotta do better, i don't wanna be grouped up with the rest of you horny lot that needs some fresh air. I'm not talking about all heterosexual men in the fanbase obviously, i'm not that kind of person where i hate on an entire group of people and I go "those friggen straights ruined the series!!!" Like the people who say that are half true but not every straight guy in the community is a horny lustful mess you know? And i am a straight guy myself but... I hate getting piled up with the creepy fans who lust over these women. Like we don't wanna hear you thirst over them and if you are gonna say something a bit more nsfw AT LEAST BE CREATIVE WITH IT! OR BE REALLY PATHETIC ABOUT IT TO WHERE IT'S FUNNY!

It's also so telling on how you probably treat women as well. I wouldn't be surprised if you have never been close to a woman, friendship or relationship wise. Sex and looks ain't all the end all be all of relationships, if you can't understand that then good luck finding a girl who will actually like you and even think about doing it with you.

I've never been in a relationship before AND EVEN I KNOW THAT!!!!! HOW SAD IS THAT?! The single and alone dude understands relationships better than you.

Be better and go outside for a change. Get a hobby, or something idfk.

[ficsinhistory]

Spider sense and bonds - A meta about the bond of Miles and Gwen.

Hello, hello, tumblr fellas! The final scene where Gwen senses Miles in danger even in another universe has been rent free in my head for the past month, so I've tried to think of how that works.

(If you want to comment on something here, please do! I love hearing what others have to say!)

Let's go! Let's start with what we know. Spider Sense is in the movies:

Just like in the comics, I'm assuming that Spider Sense exists thanks to the Web of Life and Destiny.

(Beatiful, isn't it?)

Being a clairvoyant power of certain level, it works with what can happen and the most relevant will be warned to the spider. In we have -

a. A danger sensor, be it yours or a loved one of the spider in question. Like Miles and Jeff in the spot fight at the beginning of the movie.

Or Pav and Gayatri in the bridge scene.

b. A sort of sensor for other spiders. In the first movie, that's how Miles and all the other spiders were able to connect and recognize each other.

However, this does not happen so often in ATSV, with just Margo and Miles at Society HQ

(Remember this information, it is important.)

Which brings me to my theory.

Spider sense works as a connection and communication between the Web of Life and Destiny with the spider, which studies all the possibilities that can happen and warns and guides the spider to the event.

Most often with imminent danger.

In the case of Miles and Gwen, like bonds of compatibility, guiding them since they met and only deepening over time.

Gwen felt Miles even in completely different universes because they are the multiversal soul mates most appropriate to each other among the possibilities of the Web of Life and Destiny.

And don't get me wrong, they don't have that connection because they're a couple written in stone by some higher force. Because the Web, the Spider Sense, doesn't work with anything written in stone (including that's where Miguel made a mistake).

If they had never met, they could fall in love and live happily with other people. But they are each other's ideal people. The best compatibility of each other. And that it would only be enough: for them to coexist, to have the possibility of seeing each other, and boom! This connection so strong that it could exist was put to roll.

That's why Gwen was taken to Visions even before Miles was stung. That's why she feels Miles universes away. Of the probabilities in entire realities, they are the ones that work the best. The multiverse judged it that way and guided them and guided them, because they looked alike and because they worked, not because they were destined to do so.

(After all, the whole theme of the movies is about fate is bs and it's more about the odds and your actions on things, so...)

And you must be wondering: why Miles then doesn't feel Gwen the same way? And got that instant hookup vibe with Margo instead?

Here comes the fun part.

Our Gwen from Earth-65 is the best match for Miles Morales, the boy from Earth-1610. And Margo with Spider-Man from Earth-42. Miles from Earth-42. And as Miles was bitten by the spider from Earth-42, Margo and Miles felt that residual connection. (And so I call Prowlerbyte in Beyond)

Remember I said it's not Destiny? Our Gwen and Miles work, but not all versions of them will work. Some are, some aren't (yes, Earth-8 can still be a thing, no worries.)

And that's their fun!

They fall in love, love each other, because they are the best for each other. Because they, just like in real life, found each other and clicked.

They are soulmates because they love each other, and they don't love each other because they are soulmates.

[orphee-aux-enfers]

I. Don’t understand how being against homophobia and misogyny and informational suppression is cultural relativism? Yeah I have a #USAmerican raised Christian bias but I think not being bioessentialist and anti-intellectual is. Normal???? Genuinely don’t understand

Okay so. My guess from how this was written is that you are either a child or just into your 20s. I'd expect much different wording and approach if you were older. So. I'm going to try and be as gentle and clear cut as possible.

1) Orthodox Judaism is actually quite diverse and also different from Christianity, even fundamentalist Christianity .

2) What you're witnessing is not necessarily indicative of the actual community values; you are interpreting without insider perspective, or seemingly any actual knowledge. You're also ascribing motive to actions that may or may not be there.

3) many orthodox Jews, myself included, are queer and trans and embraced by our community. Every person of authority I've spoken to on the matter says that my incredibly queer, t4t marriage that gets read as gay no matter what, still gets the mitzvah of sex on erev Shabbos, and that includes my main community of Chabad.

4) many books are screened before being given to children by all people everywhere for a variety of reasons. Just because you don't fully understand the reasons as you are not yourself Orthodox Jewish doesn't mean that they are automatically something to be hated due to your preconceived notions.

5) Assuming a group is inherently homophobic, misogynistic, etc. Simply because you don't understand them as you are not part of their community is in fact a bad behaviour, yes. Don't do that. Most of the time, in most communities people are at worst confused.

6) As for misogyny... It's important to know the ways in which Judaism actually structures it's sex roles. No one has different sex roles because they're lesser, which misogyny implies. And every SINGLE person I have ever met observes mitzvos based on sex due to actually desire, not coercion. But for example, married women cover their hair as a way of making their marriage even more holy. Men meanwhile are told to cover their head at all times so they are mindful of G-d at all times. What does this imply at first glance? Why, that women are capable of remembering G-d at all times and the men are silly and must forget G-d if not reminded! Do we think this is all to the interpretation?

So. Before you judge our community so harshly... Perhaps also consider the last century of human history alone. We are being killed and hurt at alarming rates again, especially in the USA. Is it any wonder we don't stop in the streets to justify our existence to you?

Lastly, an oversharing of my personal details because as I am currently safe and well at home, I feel I ought to give you opportunity to understand that you aren't seeing/understanding the complexity of sex roles in Judaism

7) so, yes, orthodox Judaism has gender/sex based roles. It also is, in my experience, pretty flexible to meet individuals. I was coercively assigned female at birth. I was however by Jewish law, tumtum. In English terms, I had ambiguous genitals which could be surgically changed. My sister wanted a baby sister. And so, I was surgically "corrected" and raised female, until puberty and onset of hormonal problems that indicated that it wasn't just a genital mutation. I felt disconnected from binary gender, and at time, in part of my community having a label for me while the hospital I was born at had simply labeled me "incorrect", I came to embrace a masculine social standing. Because I was unable to be sexed as an infant, have masculine levels of testosterone and a lack of menses for years at a time, I have to adhere to both male and female sex based mitzvos. Religiously, I am operating with the strictest possible adherence, but this is all written and debated, as are all of the other sexes in Judaism. I am, however, allowed to exist as intersex in a Jewish community in a way that I am NEVER allowed to exist as intersex without a fight in the secular world, to the point that if it's not relevant I identify only as trans, because otherwise it becomes too complicated in the secular world. And this is genuinely because there is actually a space for me to exist in, as there are six Talmudic sexes.

Being trans and intersex is "allowed". Being queer is "allowed". Some communities differ, but I've lived in seven, and all of them have been more accepting of me being queer, trans, and intersex, than any secular space, including liberal and leftist spaces. At WORST, I am met with curiosity because I am new to the community. I think, perhaps, too many people in this world mistake curiosity with hatred.

[queerprayers]

hi johanna! i want to try going to church, but feel self-conscious. i live in a small town, my friends are not religious and my family is ex-christian. i'm worried about people judging me, even though i know that shouldn't matter. some of my family seem embarrassed of how christian we used to be and they'd be surprised i want to go to church. i feel equally worried about walking into a church where everyone knows everyone but me or seeing someone i know! any thoughts are welcome. love your blog!

Hello, beloved!

I'm sure you're not alone in this situation—honestly, it can be kinda embarrassing to genuinely want to participate in faith, the way it's embarrassing to be earnest about anything. People who aren't religious can completely misunderstand the motivations and experiences of religious people, and while I don't know why your family left religion, both people who just weren't all that into it and people who have been hurt by or have serious issues with the church can be (sometimes understandably) antagonistic toward people who stay or join. 

Perhaps judgment "shouldn't" matter—but it does, to most everyone. Something something how our brains are wired to desire acceptance—I'm not a psychologist. It makes sense and it's okay. Caring what people think often coexists with empathy—they're both awareness of others, desiring good emotions in others. But we cannot let empathy become fear of ourselves. Empathy extends to our own souls too. Being genuinely faithful in the face of judgment from outside and within your communities takes strength. Creating a life of your own is terrifying. This isn't fair, but it is our calling. 

In recent years, I've embraced the uncool-ness of my earnestness—my beloved amalgam of philosophy and religion that started as an apocalyptic cult and was co-opted by empire and has a lot of weirdos and needs to repent of its crimes and has produced some of the most beautiful art in the world and that attracts people to the walls of churches even after everything. I'm almost glad in some ways that it's not the assumption anymore that everyone is Christian, that more and more you have to go out of your way to be part of this thing. (I'm not completely naive—I know that where I live is a majority Christian country, and I am not pretending oppression or minority status or counterculture. But I am often met with surprise that I'm Christian, and I treasure that.)

The small town thing is its own beast—I live in a city (small but I think it counts), but I currently go to church half an hour away in a very rural area, and there's a specific environment of knowing everyone that I only have a tiny experience with but can imagine how exposed it must feel to try something new or change your life in any small way. And there is definitely a small church culture that can feel intimidating, like sitting at a new table in high school, wondering if somewhere tight knit has room for another. I can never promise this, but I know with my church and many others, welcoming a new person into that tight knit community is the most natural thing in the world. You'll probably get a more personal welcome, and be invited to more potlucks, and I can't promise someone there won't know your mom, but it's doable even as an introvert. Church people want more people at church—in lovely communal ways or in evangelistic ways, and while I hope you meet the former, even the latter has its own welcome. There are definitely ways to dip your toes in the water of church without braving this—like visiting a church while you're out of town, or tuning into a virtual service—but I believe in you to take it a step further. If you come a few minutes late and leave a few minutes early to avoid any conversation, I salute you. If you see someone you know and flee the other direction, I understand. If you go once and have to wait a few months to be brave enough to go back, so be it. But you have as much a right to exist on holy ground as anyone, and you already have common ground to stand on because you want to be there, just like them. I don't know how many churches are near you, but you're already going outside your comfort zone, so you might as well step into one that you're not familiar with—a more traditional mass, or a hippie sing-along. Don't set limits on your journey that is about pushing past limits.

You want to try this out, and it probably feels lonely, and you'll have to stomach surprise and probably being looked down upon by people who feel they know better, feel they have evolved past the need for silly little ritual, or for whom religion only exists as closed-mindedness. I don't know if you're queer, but I've had similar experiences of being the one to embrace where God and my heart lead me, to the embarrassment or shame of those who have never encountered it or have stifled it within themselves.  You'll have to stand your ground, the way anyone who seeks something their family and friends don't has to do. Formulate some answers for questions you may receive—but no one has a right to your story. You're allowed to be casual about things that are deeply personal, you can say "I don't know, I was just curious" when everything in your soul is calling out for this. Being publicly faithful often comes after you've done the reconciling within yourself. Have patience.

If you're into saints, find some who have gone their own way—Francis of Assisi comes to mind. I even think of Moses, telling a member of his own adoptive family to let his people go, standing his ground for people he had only recently come to love. The faithful that have come before us had to live through—and die from—so much. Entering new communities has always needed strength, the strength of God. Often a lonely way at first, but your family's embarrassment or your friends' lack of understanding is not your burden. Their judgment is on them to swallow down or bear the guilt of acting on it. Your choices and calling is for them to reconcile. I'm not saying we should do whatever we want without regard for how it affects others, but you are not causing harm, and any tension will not have been created by you going to church, but by them disliking or not understanding this fact. And tension is sometimes necessary for people to reconcile with—it'll be good for them. You're probably doing them a favor—we all need to learn how to love people the way they will need to. It sucks to feel like a teaching tool, and I don't want to reduce you to that, but so often living a full life means people who can't deal with that have to learn. Looking at someone embracing what you never found a way to flourish within or understand is like looking at the sun sometimes—I've been there. But it is not for us to apologize for the light. And it often happens that being that light will move someone else to bravery.

I'm sorry it falls on you to be brave first. I'm sorry that religion is not simple or easy, but genuine desire can and will take you so far. I have a hunch that after the first time, a lot of things will make more sense. Beginning is half of the journey sometimes. If you've already begun since writing this, I'm very proud of you, and if you haven't, you have so much beautiful time. Faith is not all or nothing, and it is never too late. Life does not begin and end in your small town, and life can and will flourish—you are part of such a big world and history, for better and worse.

God is with you, regardless. God is right there, walking with you, moving your feet over the threshold of places you muster so much bravery just to enter. What shouldn't matter but does, deeply, heartbreakingly, can be both taken seriously and let go of, through the peace of Christ.

<3 Johanna

[gwemmieee]

Sometimes, I get involved in posts here that attract the terfs, and I peer in to make sure I block anyone who's highly likely to send me hate (which has already happened a lot in just over a year on tumblr), and it's hard for me to unpack how often terf blogs hide behind edgy language that I actually sort of agree with. Stuff like women's liberation, supremacy, etc.

I am afraid of men after how much and how consistently they have traumatized me. I sometimes feel like I hate men, but I don't like to assume and judge and hate people I don't know, so I don't trudge too far down that hole. But I genuinely do think that femininity is superior to masculinity, and I do think that masculinity as we know it is only a positive force when it's used to defend others from violence, and otherwise it is at best a neutral/centrist force. And I don't know if or when any of that will change, because I have no desire to go out of my way to be closer with any man I've met so far--at least no desire strong enough to overcome the fear and trauma. And that's really saying something considering that I'm sexually bi and can find men attractive.

And almost every time I look at a terf's page, it's filled with words that seem to see eye to eye with me. Stuff about women being better, men being predators, etc., but it's all so much more sweeping and generalizing and judgey than anything I'd say (in public). But sometimes when I'm in private and really frustrated, I'll say stuff like that too, so I get it. I also see fully positive stuff sometimes and I get excited! Just today, I saw one reblog some science debunking that biological women are weaker than biological men, and that was wonderful. But she hates trans women, so I still had to block her.

As I keep reading through their pages, most of it is just them policing other people. I find a lot of hateful stuff that contradicts feminine superiority, or that has nothing to do with it. They see people who are taking longer to grow up because they've been abused and had to spend time unlearning that abuse in order to not perpetuate it on others, and they talk about those people as if they're subhuman predators, as if there's some kind of race to be all the way grown up and they're a bad person for falling behind. They get irrationally angry at people over innocent terminology disagreements or not being their ideal kind of consumer. I don't actually see much hate thrown at masculinity at all--I see a lot more hate thrown at people who it seems like they are more likely to tolerate than men, but they throw vitriol instead because those people are just not quite good *enough* for them. "This is what's wrong with our community." "This is who we need to kick out because they're a problem." I also see a lot of them digging out a single social media post saying something extremely nasty out of rage, then doing this weird magic trick where they take this leap of logic into suddenly talking as if that person represents every single other member of whatever demographic they feel like putting down this time (usually transfems). And it's weird. I understand the irony that I'm doing a version of that right now, but the key difference is I'm talking about a political camp that people have voluntarily chosen to rally behind, not a gender identity that is intrinsic to their entire being.

It feels like they're confused. Like, the way they speak about men, women, masculinity, and femininity, I would be forgiven for suspecting that they genuinely think masculinity is just a Y chromosome and a penis and femininity is just an X chromosome and a vulva, and I'm really glad I have no clue what they would say about intersex folks because I don't expect anything pleasant. So it's like, they're saying this high level stuff about the superiority of femininity and the predatory nature of masculinity that I actually really identify with, but they're not basing it on actual femininity and masculinity like I am. They're not considering the deeper nuance and reality around how men and women tend to behave and how that affects where our identities lie. It seems like they really do cling to the delusion that having a penis at birth means you will always and only be a predator, while having a vulva at birth means you will always and only be perfect. And... that's just so sad and limiting and out of touch. Are any of them actually interacting with and trying to listen to anyone who challenges their bubbles of thought?

I think it says a lot that they feel so safe and empowered to shit on people in public in ways that to this day my repeatedly abused and abandoned ass is still terrified to do even in private most of the time. And I'm very frustrated that they have such a monopoly on public speech that can voice the more negative sides of my own feelings around my own trauma around masculinity. The only way I can feel better is by consciously choosing to believe that most lesbians aren't like these lesbians. That most sapphics don't tolerate hate, including this brand of it. We shouldn't be dwelling on hating masculinity. We should spend more time loving femininity.

[foggyparadisecandy]

On Making Room for Good People

Life is funny and the journey can take you places you weren't expecting.

I think when we are younger and starting out, it's easy to be uncertain in many ways about the choices in front of us. I think that's natural because we haven't done a lot of stuff yet - and we don't know how the world really operates. So we can have anxiety - whether we understand it or not - and fear of "making the wrong choice" or "screwing things up".

We spend a lot of time worrying about stuff that doesn't matter in the long run and we miss out on the really big things that do matter.

It's interesting to be older now and realize I have a different perspective than my younger self - and people I love who are younger.

These days I know one of the most important things is to find people I vibe with and figure out ways to find room in my life for them.

Because people matter. And the right people matter A LOT over the course of your life.

Having someone who supports us and loves us and cares for us and will go to war for us, to protect us, to defend us, to show us how to stand up for ourselves and make a better life ... fucking irreplaceable.

Imagine finding a place for someone like that in your life and what an impact that they can make over the course of the coming years as you face new challenges and encounter new opportunities.

The funniest thing is that I know my younger self was a mess and would not have accepted that advice. lol

I was lost, hurt, angry, hating on myself, hating on others ... not intentionally. I didn't realize until recently that I grew up in a horrible, dysfunctional household - I was primed to hate myself and people please.

Ahhhhh .... either way. People make their own choices and have to figure stuff out on their own. I don't begrudge anyone their choices. I myself would not have appreciated my current self. How can I judge others?

Either way, we all make our own way in life.

It makes me happy to know that the people I love are watching out for themselves, taking care of themselves, PLANNING and HOPING for a brighter future than what they have currently in their lives.

And I'll be over here, doing my thing, and building my future. And if I can help, I would be happy to. But they have to choose to make space for me. Or not. And if they can't figure out how to fit me in to their lives, I won't take it personally. Whatever - I can't control other people. (not even with hypnosis lol)

Also true: I am no longer interested in emptying myself for others, or fretting over people who don't appreciate me.

Simple, right?

Took a lot of self-work to figure this stuff out. No matter how much I care about someone else, I refuse to accept being unappreciated.

Fiona Apple has a great line: "I don't appreciate people who don't appreciate."

(her next line is equally good: "All that loving must have been lacking something if I grew bored trying to figure you out.")

I'm fortunate because I've met a wonderful person who supports me as I support her. I love seeing her make strides forward to build a better life.

It makes me feel good to hear from her, and share ideas and strategies with her, and encourage her, and hear her encouragements of me.

Life doesn't have to be overly complicated. It's nice to be with people who appreciate and support us and we do the same for them. I will go to war for her.

I'm trying to not become addicted to her because that didn't end well last time around for me. lol

We have a strong, open communication style where we regularly share our feelings - good and bad - and have agreed to keep an eye on things.

We'll see. <3

[tordenvejr]

Hi Vic :~) sending a bit of an agony aunt ask today ahaha. pls only answer if you feel called to/have the space for it

*This is an ask about sex/sexuality

Recently I find myself navigating feelings of sexual guilt about having sex with the wrong person. Growing up, and well into my teen years, I was shy -- so I never had to worry about this because it took me time to get to know people ,so sexual connections were always romantic connections and felt very natural, strong.

Now in my twenties I'm finding myself participating in casual sex culture, and although I don't think there should be any shame around this, for me I feel like I've let something that was once quite beautiful become tainted and it's making me sad. So I'm taking a step back, I just want to be by myself and feel very called to this way of life. But I'm still feeling troubling feelings about events and choices of recent past. It doesn't help that I've heard this reocurring message in spiritual communities of people talking about "purity, "sexual curses", "mixing your energy with the wrong person" etc. Although I think there is some truth in this, I find the underlying message of guilt and shame troubling. It's a very natural thing and if we feel it's not for us there's definitely that gut feeling of something being wrong, but in terms of spiritual curses and spiritual stds... I don't know. I even saw one comment of someone sharing that they'd had up to thirty partners in the past, but were now choosing to close the doors to that, just to be met with lots of shame and people saying things like "you'll never recover from this spiritually", which made me sad. I hope that's not true. It's all playing on my mind a bit and making me worried. It makes me feel better looking at friends who have gone through similar things as me. They've had all sorts of sexual experiences and some of them are now in committed relationships. Do you have any thoughts on this kind of message in spiritual communities? Having sex with the wrong person wreaking havoc in your life kind of thing? Sex is such a vulnerable, intimate act and I really see it as sacred. I am definitely closing the doors to connections that don't resonate and fill me with light. But I'm trying to find that balance of "sex is sacred" vs purity culture. I don't really regret many sexual connections... maybe two or three. Even so, from mistakes we learn, and I feel like myself, no one has the power to take that away from you. We just get a bit knocked off balanced sometimes, but this is life. We live it and love it and learn... no space for shame here. I am still me and always will be. If you have any guidance/opinions I'd very much appreciate it (No worries if not!!) Thank you, and I hope that you are having a wonderful October :) ✨

this is such a complex topic, i have many thoughts on this! 💗

in terms of the physical;

fundamentally i think that what someone does with their body is their business. and i think that casual sex between strangers can be fun and healthy. i also think that sex is a very intimate thing, and that there is benefit in being mindful of who you invite into that space with you. unless you are crystal clear on your boundaries and your ability to pick up on people's character, it is easy to find yourself in situations with people that don't necessarily have the respect or the care for you that, in my opinion, is the most nourishing when it comes to sexual relations, and the effect that that sexual intimacy has on the rest of your sense of self and well-being.

i also think that trying to monitor or judge other people's sexuality, and exploration/expression of this, is controlling and unhealthy. i think that 99% of the time the need to shame others for their sexuality comes from projected insecurity, fear or repression of one's own sexuality.

in terms of the spiritual;

the whole concept of purity is so medieval. i find it very questionable and lacking in comprehension/nuance when a lot of "spiritual" people speak about this. it feels very much like flying from one fly trap of control to another. it doesn't take into consideration sexual assault or the fact that we are constantly changing and learning, or the fact that we are different expressions of source/god. what might not be a true expression for you, may be for another, and that doesn't make them less spiritually evolved, it makes them different and you in need of checking your own judgements.

i also think that we are different spirits and some of us may be more easily creating cords with others if we are less grounded or not yet practiced on spiritual boundaries. if you are someone who does create these connections easily, it likely would be in your best interest to cleanse and clear your energy after being intimate with someone, and it may be a liberating experience to create rituals to let go of the past. some spirits may need to set direct intentions to form that same bond with another. we are all different, and we all have different spirit teams, and how we interact with the world is unique to us.

so generalizing approaches to sex just don't cut it, yes taking care of our bodies and spirit is usually beneficial, but it's for you to find out what that looks like for you

thank you for the patience 💞

[cerysdelaney]

Hello there! I've been a huge fan of yours for years and want to ask something (only answer if you'd like to). I found out that I'm ace a few years ago and, honestly, it kind of makes me feel like I'll just be a burden to any future partner I have. Is it at all hard having an ace partner? I'm very physically affectionate, but sex itself is just... hard for me. I kind of feel like I shouldn't "waste anyone's time", y'know?

An ace partner is a person who loves you for who you are. Full stop.

And when you stop, and take in that realization that this person is with you because they just like YOU…

Whoa.

Makes my heart beat faster. 😈 I can walk around naked in my house and my husband is thinking about how much he loves this woman who just likes to be naked all the time. Like what? He’s just looking at my spirit, my personality, my soul? He does think I’m attractive, but he doesn’t have the desire to fuck me.

We’ve been together now for 12 years.

I had been with a lot of people before I met my husband. I didn’t realize how much I defined my worth based on whether my partner wanted to fuck me. Then when I met my husband, and he didn’t… well, that took some adjusting and a lot of self reflection.

Is it difficult to love someone who is ace? No, my husband is easy to love, and in many ways he taught me to love in a more complete way. He gets me: my likes, my dislikes, my interests, my passions. He enjoys ME. He wants me around. And I found him fascinating. Still do. He’s made me laugh every day of our currently 12 years together. He’s a great father and husband because he cares about us more than anything else in the world. (And if you stopped at the word ‘father’ - yes, I figured out my ovulation cycle and let him know a week and a half in advance when we would need to have sex. He’s actually wonderful in bed and I cum at just how large his dick is inside me… but that happens like maybe once a year - 3 times when we were trying to have a kid!! 😊)

So do I miss regular sex? Sure, but I have become fantastic at masturbating. And though I haven’t had the time to write recently, it does fuel my erotic writing. We did an open relationship for a bit at 10 years, but sex - to me - is still just sex. It doesn’t mean romanticism and it doesn’t have to mean love. And honestly after a flurry of partners I find myself currently at 6 - 7 - 8 months without? It’s a choice now. I’d just rather… be home 💜

I think the key with any relationship is open and honest communication. My husband and I dated, fell for each other and then I realized sex wasn’t that important to him. He was patient with me as I tried to figure out what I wanted. He didn’t judge me for wanting sex, but he also stood up for himself in not wanting it. He’s not a cuddler, but he’ll give me cuddles when “my cuddle meter is low.” He always holds my hand, even in the living room. And his primary love language is giving gifts. He’ll see my favorite candy at the store or a movie with a trope I adore. And just like he learned to cuddle, I learned how to find tiny gifts in everyday outings that lets him know he’s on my mind…

No one should give up on finding a partner(s) just because their love is unconventional. You’re not wasting anyone’s time by being your authentic self. And in the end, being true to who you are is a healthier way to live. Your first and most important relationship is with yourself. Set your own vibe and maybe you’ll find someone on the same frequency 💜

[fukuokadivision1]

Sanyu's Thoughts on Kobe Division

Ren Nakashima

"I know this guy. He's that famous rock star, right? What he's called... Vox? Yeah, I think that's it. ...Hey, don't blame me, okay? I don't know much about him. I like his music, but I can't really call myself a fan. His music... as good as it is, it feels a little... "possessive". Like, if you listen to his lyrics, like actually listen to them, you'll notice that many of them have to do with claiming his... "darling". I don't know exactly who he's talking about, but... I sure hope that their feelings are reciprocal..."

Max Soukoku

"This kid... I've never met him before, but... his eyes are the same as mine. Back before I came here to Fukuoka, before I met Tasu and Ming, my eyes were just like his... cold and dead. Judging by the scars on his arms, I can tell he's not had an easy life. I'd feel sorry for him, but... I don't know if it's true or not, but I was speaking with Sumire while in Shinagawa once, and she mentioned that this kid may have something to do with... "The Commission". Even back when I was working for the Yakuza, I had heard rumors of these guys. Anyone who even thought of messing with them all mysteriously disappeared before too long. So if he's part of that group, I think I'll keep my distance. I like living."

Kaiji Sano

"Where have I seen this guy before? ...Oh yeah, he's that famous crossdresser. Jinx, right? I have to admit, I admire him a bit. Coming from someone who has both a male and a female reproductive part, it takes a special person to be able to wear female clothes and not care what people think. I'd like to talk with him and ask how it makes him feel. I mean, I know I'm a girl, but... I don't know. Some days, I'm not sure what I am..."

Lovesick

"I have to wonder how all three of these guys met. I mean, Vox and Jinx I can understand since they're both famous. But where did Max come from? Did they just suddenly meet him and they all connected somehow? ...Well, I guess that sounds like most of the teams in this tournament. I mean, people who look like they'd never communicate with each other on a daily basis are forming division teams with each other left and right. Look no further than us here in Fukuoka."

"But anyway, I wonder what these guys are entering for? Did Chuohku force them to enter? I certainly wouldn't put it past them..."

[290896]

Happy Birthday! This letter is meant to be read in chunks, like while you are on the crapper or something. Don't go through it all at once!

--

Do you have a gay bestie? Cause if you don’t i’d like to volunteer for the position. I can start today. 🙋🏻‍♂️

Every it girl needs a gay best friend bro c’mon.

—

한승주

One thing I appreciate so much about you is that even though we've only met in person no more than 2 or 3 times, you treat me like someone you've known forever. I mean you made time to meet me even though you were sick, even though you were swamped with work. You gave me the nicest hug even though I told you not to cause I was sweaty. Not only that but you didn't even let me pay for anything, and you were about ready to hop a cab over to Parnas due to a mistake that I MADE in communication. You and your drip IV'd ass said you "felt bad" that I, a military man mind you, had to walk less than a kilometer through a bit of heat to come see you.

I can only imagine how well you must treat your actual, longtime friends.

--

김치

Kimchi is storing something good away, in hopes that something great might come of it later. - JY Park, circa 2016

--

You and I have been chatting since 2014 or so. And to be honest I've always wanted to hangout with you back then, but never really felt right doing so. I think I was intimidated to be honest. You being this cool, interesting Northwestern gal. And me being a lump of coal who just went to Columbia. So almost on purpose, I kept my distance in college, then throughout the years, only making sure to check in every now and then so that we don't lose touch.

I'm quite glad I did though.

People say it's harder to make friends the older you get. I don't agree. I think finding GOOD friends becomes much harder though. All you start to want as you get older are people who you can fully be yourself with, and who will bring you up instead of drag you down.

I can tell that you are someone who fits that criteria for your friends.

For myself at least, I'm glad I can be myself with you without being judged. You've never inquired as to my background, my gender, or anything much really and yet you do show signs of care and concern, offering to send me care packages multiple times throughout the years. You've also listened and replied to my rants when I have been at my lowest points. Thank you for that by the way.

As I mentioned last time, you are one of the very few people in my life whom I wish I could swap lives with for a bit. And I don't say that out of a place of envy or anything but rather I know that If I were to follow in your footsteps so to speak, that I'd inevitably be successful one day.

That might be a roundabout way of saying that I know YOU are going to be successful.

I admire your work ethic. I admire the fact that you've worked for most everything you have the past half decade. We joke about you needing a sugar daddy but something tells me that even if you had one, you wouldn't be happy for long. You're too driven to just lie around all day. No sooner than later you'd be coming up with a business plan for a pilates club or juice bar. (I could be wrong though)

--

Lowkey I'm kinda glad I never took you up on goin out to Sound Bar or anything. I'm glad we never formally hung out in college. Sorta like 김치 (aha, you were wondering what the heck that was about) I think it's more fitting that we get to know eachother a bit more now that we're more mature and kinda know who we are.

I don't know about you but for me this is one of the most unconventional friendships I've had, period. In constant communication for almost a decade, only having met twice or thrice, and not really knowing too much about eachother but still having a sense of care for one another. Going from being an hour-ish apart from one continent to being an hour-ish apart on this continent. We're like modern day pen pals and I think that's pretty cool.

--

Before I left the other day the last thing you said to me was to check in with you alot now that I'm here. I'll try. Like I said at our age, you start to only care about having a few good people rather than alot of average people.

And you are definitely good people.

You lumped me in with Sara which I thought I really haven't deserved yet. Cause I haven't really done much for you honestly. Though now that I'm here I look forward to being able to do more and to actually be a friend rather than a pen pal.

I'm thankful that in the little time we had you were able to share some stuff with me. I learned a lot about you in that little timeframe believe it or not. In the coming year I hope I get to learn alot more. And if you ever wanna know anything about me, just ask. I'm an open book.

--

Some of my favorite things about you so far : love your gummy smile, it's the best. Love how direct and straightforward you are. It's almost uncomfortably blunt at times but definitely preferred. Love how considerate and courteous you are.

Some things I'm curious about: What's something you can talk about and never get bored of? What do your tattoos mean, if anything? What brands fill your closet the most? How many best friends do you have? What makes them your best friend?

--

Lookit I wish every good thing happens for you. I hope you make partner, and achieve every career goal you set. I hope you find the guy of your dreams who checks all of your boxes without compromise. I hope your health miraculously gets better. I hope your family are all happy and healthy. Literally I just want you to be happy, and I want you to not ever have to feel like happiness awaits in the future. Ya know what I mean? Not when you've got the position or the house or the car or the man but now. And if you ever struggle with that, do let someone know. Let me know.

I hope you have a wonderful birthday. I am honored to have been able to have wished you in person, even if a bit early. Glad I got to finally get you something other than autoshipped flowers. I look forward to spending more time with you this year! Im thinking your next birthday, for our 10 year frienniversary we could probably do something special if you wanted. Maybe a trip to a resort island or something, anything! My treat of course

--

PS

was not kidding about the gay best friend part

[fallynleaf]

I saw you mention you use Gill Sans for text on your gifs. Are you aware of the disgusting history behind that font and its maker? Well, i say disgusting but it’s not something i really care about. I was wondering if it would affect you at all. Y’know how, we don’t use the term Asperger’s syndrome anymore because it was a nazi scientist that coined it, and cisgender was an idea given by a eugenicist, i wonder if people should feel the same about fonts created by Eric Gill. I mean this as a genuine neutral uncharged question, i am not judging you in any way :) kind regards

this ask seems worded like i'm walking into a trap, but, well, here we go, i guess...

yes, i have a book arts degree (or, well, half of one. i have a souped up graduate certificate in book arts that's less than a year's credits short of a full MFA), and in my letterpress and book design classes, we got into multiple discussions on whether or not it's ethical to use Eric Gill's fonts, considering the horrible things the man did when he was alive (for those who don't know, his wikipedia page talks about it. tw: sexual abuse).

personally, my main thought on the matter is that the man is long dead, at this point, and is in no way benefiting from continued use of his fonts, so i see using them as basically morally neutral. gill sans entered public domain in 2010. it'll always be tied to its creator, of course, but typefaces as a whole are already extremely detached from the conditions of their creation in most people's minds, and i think only a small percentage of people are able to so much as recognize the font, much less know anything about its creator. (for instance, i never received an ask criticizing my use of gill sans on my gifs until i mentioned that that's the font i use, so seemingly no one even recognized it)

unfortunately, there are a lot of awful people throughout history that have created things that we regularly use today. personally i think it's most important to consider whether continuing to use something is contributing to active harm. like financially supporting Harry Potter, for instance. or with your example of Asperger's syndrome, my understanding is that the name is far from the only problematic thing about the concept.

i think there'd be an argument against using gill sans/perpetua/joanna/etc. in the modern day if their use was triggering to others, but as far as i know, they've really become so removed from Eric Gill himself, there's not really a strong association there for most people.

maybe i'm wrong about this and there are people out there who do find it triggering to see fonts created by Eric Gill being used and showing up in the font dropdown lists and such, but even among the typeface/book nerd community i met in grad school who by and large could immediately recognize his fonts and who knew about his history, i've never met anyone who felt triggered seeing them.

my main reason for using gill sans (the italic, at least. i don't like the regular version) on my gifsets is because it's one of the default fonts available, so it's very accessible, and i feel that it is very readable (even at fairly small sizes) without looking lifeless. it also has a lot of typefaces in its family so you have a lot of options for other fonts to pair with your caption text if you need to have some other text on the gif that you want to distinguish from the caption.

i could probably find some new typefaces online somewhere that would also look great, but i have a tendency to gravitate toward the fonts i've worked with in metal lol because my first experiences learning book design were through letterpress, and gill sans is one of the few sans serif fonts our studio had, so i have more experience working with it compared to others.

[blackcatxmagic]

Ocean was fairly certain that Aristotle was talking about someone else. There was no way he could be talking about Ocean, right? Did he have him mixed up with someone? The last thing that could be said about Ocean was that he was adorable. Awkward, sure, but not adorable. Still, his new friend's words made him smile, blushing a little, but this time not in the embarrassed way. "My super power is like...I don't know, tripping or just randomly falling over or whatever," Ocean said, and though he was kind of joking, he also kind of wasn't. Still, Aristotle's words were cheering him up some, and Ocean thought about how kind the man was. "Are you always so nice?" he asked his friend. "You're one of the nicest people I've ever met. Or is it just my adorable awkwardness?" Ocean grinned, barely able to believe that he had just made a joke.

Frida really was incredibly sweet, and Ocean was hooked on her. And it seemed like he wasn't the only one. Smirking at Aristotle, Ocean teased, "She's got you wrapped around her little paw, doesn't she? That's okay, I get it. It's a very cute paw." He leaned down, kissing Frida's paw as if to prove its cuteness. "Your second boss?" Ocean asked incredulously. "I think she's going to be the first." Something caught his attention though, and Ocean asked, "Appraiser? Is that what you do?" He realized the two of them had never talked about their jobs.

Truthfully Aristotle had a point. "There...probably is such a thing as too much pumpkin," Ocean admitted. "But it just feels so appropriate for the season, you know? And I think it helps people get into the Halloween and Autumn spirit, you know?" It wasn't like it was all pumpkin all year long, and it made this time of year feel special, at least for Ocean. "Suddenly a veggie burger sounds so good though," Ocean said, partially to make Aristotle feel better about not wanting pumpkin ravioli but mostly because it really did sound good. "Have you ever had one?" he asked Aristotle. "A veggie burger I mean? Sometimes people don't want to give it a try, but I really like them."

Laughing (albeit a tiny bit sadly), Ocean stated, "You know, I don't think chasing people down is going to help with them thinking I'm creepy. If anything, they'll think we're both creepy, and then we'll be the town pariahs." Other than that though, Ocean really did like the image he now had in his head of the two of them in the future. "Maybe we'll be petting another little one while we remember Frida here," Ocean considered, but then suddenly he was sad; he didn't like to think about losing Frida despite how little they'd known each other. It already felt like she belonged with them. "Not for a very long time," he told the cat, kissing her head again. Cat head kisses were apparently addictive.

The thing about what Aristotle was saying was that Ocean could tell he genuinely believed these things, that he could really see this future, and that made Ocean feel a little more like it might actually come true some day. "Flannel better never go out of style," he said, hating the thought of that. "They're basically the best kind of shirt you could wear. I wore them all the time on the commune when it was cold." As he listened to Aristotle, Ocean had questions, realizing he didn't know a lot of about the man's life before. "Where are you from anyway?" Ocean asked him as they walked. "And why did you come? Did you come with your brother?" Sighing, Ocean apologized, "Sorry. You probably feel like you're being interviewed. I just don't know how else to get to know...new friends." He smiled shyly as he said that last part. Even though he wanted to stop asking questions, Ocean had one more he needed to ask: "Who's judging you for being here?" Ocean wondered. It didn't make any sense - Ocean felt like everyone should be happy to have Aris in their lives.

Aristotle laughed, shaking his head at Ocean's insistence. “Not cute? C'mon, Guy. That adorable awkwardness is practically a superpower. You’ve got to embrace it.” He never did shy away from compliments or letting his feelings be known. Since his mother's death, he had learned that he wouldn't be guaranteed even one more tomorrow - so he said what he thought and how he felt. It won him some friends - it cost him some friends. “And ‘difficult’? Nah, I think you just keep things interesting.”

When Ocean mentioned Frida, he smirked. "She’s definitely something special. I just found her, and she’s already taken over my heart—and she's gonna be my jeep-buddy.. probably bring her into the antique store when I'm appraising. I’m pretty sure she's gonna be my second boss.” He chuckled, enjoying the moment.

Ocean’s thoughts about dinner sparked Aristotle’s playful side. “I get this is a pumpkin festival, I do -- but y'know... really thinking we're entering non-pumpkin territory here. We could start with burgers -- veggie for you, of course." He hadn't known that Ocean was a vegetarian, but he rolled with it. "End up knee-deep in dessert. Sounds like a pretty good end to today."

He wasn't giving up on his future-planning. "Listen, my therapist taught me a trick. You gotta envision the future you want. Really picture it to manifest it. So.... picture it: us, old and wise, sharing stories about the time we rode to get milkshakes, or named a cat at a pumpkin festival or ... whatever hijinks we get into in the future."

When Ocean expressed concern about being the creepy guy, Aristotle waved his hand dismissively. “Creepy? No way! People are going to see how genuinely you care. If anyone runs away, I’ll just have to chase them down - I'd do it. I'm persistent."

As for the flannel discussion, Aristotle leaned forward, grinning. “Flannels? Yeah, they're mostly timeless. But if they go out of style, we'll bring them back. They'll call us the ‘Flannel Kings’—I can see it now!” He chuckled, relishing the idea. So, Aris would walk with him to find the place with veggie burgers and Aris wanted a soda, not that he needed the caffeine, but he wanted something not pumpkin. Not spice. "All this to say, you know - I'm a new guy in town. I know my little brother, and my pen pal. I've got a job maybe lined up. A jeep I'm now making payments on and plenty of time to second-guess all decisions I've made leading me to coming here so -- I'm going to ramble to you because yours is the first friendly face -- that wasn't here the last time I was here - that isn't judging me for being here at all. Like there had been a town referendum or something that was like: this guy - if he comes back, make him remember why he left."

[honeybee-babe]

Exposing D@isuki21, now f!v3y@h3@rtsf!ktor: toxic person in the TUA Fandom who has borderline web-stalked and harassed queer minors w/ homophobic abuse

MAJOR Trigger Warnings: Homophobia, Lesbophobia, mention of and harassment to do with r@pe, telling ppl to unalive themselves, borderline web-stalking, homohpbic slurs hurled at minors... basically think of the most abusive online conduct you could imagine

“I WISH YOU DIE DISGUSTING LESBIAN BITCH, UNNATURAL”

“"GO CRYING DIRTY AND STUPID LESBIAN BITCH"

(said to a 15 year old via Instagram DM...)

Hey Umbrella Academy Fandom. As you all know, this fandom has a lot of discourse and lets be honest, bitching and moaning over minor disagreements about a character’s sexuality, ships, inc3st, p3dophila, etc. I've had my fair sure of admittedly immature pissing contests on here over minor disagreements, as I'm sure many of you have, and I'm not trying to act like I'm perfect. I’ve made myself into a clown many times.

But there is one user in particular who is a raging homophobe/lesbophobe and has been incredibly abusive to others on this site for years....  

Go to where it says THE WORST OF IT to skip the intro if you know about her general bullshit, to see the actual borderline stalking + homophobic harassment of minors. Scroll to the very end for screenshots. 

BASIC CONTEXT:

This user currently goes by the URL fiv3y@h3@rtsf!ktor and used to go by D@isuki21, and various other iterations of that name/various others and has made multiple accounts, always to pass herself off as a different person. I have interacted with her before, and I know many individuals who have been targeted by her since at least 2020 (probably earlier), and she’s still on her bullshit. But the distinctive communication style and sheer ridiculousness of her statements makes it very clear that it’s the same person. Namely, her wording is very fucked up and full of typos and misspellings, and reads very much like a child throwing a temper tantrum. She often dissolves into overuse of emojis especially the 🤡 emoji (ironic if you ask me).

So I wasn’t going to say anything, but I just learned from my new pal @ultimate--sheep​ some new information that was the final straw, and we both decided we had to say something. 

WHAT WE KNOW:

This person is 23 years old (though she acts like she’s 15), she is a MASSIVE 5ya stan and while I’m sure there are many wonderful people who ship 5ya, this person is NOT one of them, and she gives the ship a bad rep with her incredibly immature, problematic behavior. She basically picks fights by going into “rival” ships’ tags (IE Vissy) and into the “Anti 5ya ” tag (which is obviously intended to be blacklisted by 5ya shippers and used to keep 5ya shippers from seeing it, unless the 5ya shipper is D@isuki and  is deliberately looking for a fight) and then she harasses people simply for shipping Viktor with someone other than Five.

In particular she used to go off on people who used to headcanon/perceive season 2 Viktor as a lesbian. She would also get into fights with people for pointing out that 5ya is incest/psuedo-incest + pseudo-pedophila in the Anti- 5ya tag – she got mad at me once because asked her to admit that it was at least pseudo-incest (I specified that I wasn’t judging her for shipping incest, but for denying that it was incest to begin with – you can’t have a ship called ‘Harcest’ and claim it’s not incest it’s IN THE NAME). She called me various childish nicknames, I don’t remember everything…

She harasses people and frames it as 'arguments' but it's 90% incoherent nonsense, name-calling, straw man bullshit, and then she blocks them and tells them "DNI" and makes posts to her followers AFTER she has blocked the person telling her followers vitriolic BS about how the other person is an idiot and an "anti."

HOW WE ( D@isuki & I) MET:

I don't 100% remember how we met but you can scroll through my page to find receipts. I think what happened is that she responded to someone else's post I saw describing their headcanons for the characters’ sexuality (one of those things that were like ‘Five and Luther are ace’, ‘allison and diego are bi’, ‘V is a lesbian’ etc.). The OP called pre transition Viktor a lesbian and D@isuki WENT OFF on them saying they were biphobic, etc. Her argument claimed it was biphobia but they were also complaining about why "you don't need to make everyone LGBT" which like ????????? you don’t sound like that great of an ally, hon. and it's a HEADCANON. Let people live. And when I argued that V could be a lesbian and Leonard could have very easily been comphet, she claimed that comphet “doesn’t exist anymore in the 21st century…” (I stg… i cant make this shit up)

Anyways… she frequently not only changes her url but I believe make new accounts to harass ppl through. And then she denies it when people identify her (see the below from when I recently called her out:

“Changing my username makes me crazy? Weak argument I say so myself also I’m not d@isuki-21 wow the fact you assume I’m them makes me realize you’re obsessed with them. I never block you or anyone in your anti 5ya community.”

(bro how obvious can you be…)

THE WORST OF IT:

I wasn't going to even say anything about this person, except I recently met Juno @ultimate--sheep​, who informed me that D@isuki also is on Instagram and has gotten into a similar argument with them, and then somehow found (IE stalked) them on Reddit too and proceeded to harass them on there too,  telling them they "must habe been r@ped a lot when they were a child" and that their art (Viktor w/ a lesbian flag) is "disgusting and biphobic," and told them to get "psychological help" for pointing out homophobia from 5ya shippers.

She also:

–Stole Juno's art twice (took their lesbian pride Viktor artwork and changed it to a bi flag).

–Made several abusive comments on their lesbian friends insta posts calling Vissy “disgusitng”

–Took a picture of Juno’s ex-friend’s Insta profile, who was a 15 year old MINOR (remember, this b*tch is 23 YEARS OLD) and wrote over it: "Disgusting lesbian looking for sex. Prostitute”

–Targeted Juno’s friend again on IG taking pictures of Sissy and putting stink marks on them, writing abusive things like "DIE", etc.

And the worst one… messaging the same MINOR (age 15) and telling them:

“I WISH YOU DIE DISGUSTING LESBIAN BITCH, UNNATURAL”

“"GO CRYING DIRTY AND STUPID LESBIAN BITCH"

IN CONCLUSION:

Guys.... I am a bisexual woman, and if it isn’t already clear enough, there is no way in hell that this person is “defending a bisexual character” and standing up against biphobia. This person is anti-LGBT and anti WLW PERIOD! She is a homphobe and a heinous person in general who frames herself as being an ally ONLY when it serves the 5ktor/5ya ship.

And listen, I want to be clear on this: I’m not saying shipping5ya makes you a bad person – but how can you ship something that is pseudo-incest and then turn around and call a normal ass, CANON lesbian ship “unnatural” and “disgusting?”

This is not the behavior of a mentally healthy person -- but that is not an excuse. I am asking you for your safety to report/not interact with this person if you see them/have any suspicions that it’s them. It is not worth your time and I am genuinely concerned that the stalking and harassment behavior could turn into something more serious.

SCREENSHOTS:

[iamanartichoke]

So.

This post has been a long time coming for me, and it's likely not going to endear me to anyone, but if I don't get this out then it's just going to fester until I eventually leave tumblr and I don't actually want to leave. So, yknow, there we are.

That being said, I'm writing this for personal catharsis, not to affect anyone else in any way. I'm not trying to, like, make a stand or call out people or judge anyone, even though it will seem that way. This is just my perspective and my feelings, and since it's my blog, I feel like I should be able to write it.

Basically I've been doing a lot of soul-searching since the holidays, about my life in general but also about tumblr and fandom. It's gotten to a point where I give tumblr a cursory login a few times a day so I can check notifs/the dash and maybe post a thing or two to feel like I'm still active, and then I go off and do something else. It used to be that I was on tumblr constantly, and I was having fun, and logging in and posting and interacting, and while I'm not advocating for spending all of one's free time glued to the computer screen, I have to acknowledge that even when the majority of my free time was spent glued to this site (and AO3), I felt fulfilled. The way a hobby is supposed to make you feel, yknow? Something fun to look forward to, to get invested in, to feel a sense of accomplishment with. I was investing a lot of time here, but I felt like I was getting back just as much, to the benefit of my own mental well-being.

And I've met a lot of wonderful people here. Before I joined the Loki fandom, it had been a very long time since I'd been part of any significant online "friend group," so to speak. I'm most comfortable in lurker mode. I don't like to draw a lot of attention to myself. I was also never in a fandom before, not really. I had my hyperfixations and my beloved content, but it varied, and I just engaged with that material in my own way. Which was fine, bc it wasn't something that was a major part of my life. Not until I discovered Loki did I actively want to participate in fandom. I was thinking about this character constantly, I was seeking out fanfiction for the first time in years, and I was even inspired to start writing my own fanfic, which I hadn't done in literally over a decade (rip my Baby-sitters Club fanfics on FF.net). I felt for and related to this character so much that it wasn't enough to just quietly lurk on the sidelines; I had feels to share and things to say and I had found a community with so many other people who knew how it felt.

None of this is unique to me, I'm sure. Every person who engages in the Loki fandom, or has, or will, felt some kind of connection to this character that brought them here, bc casual consumption wasn't enough. We're all here bc of Loki.

So it really saddens me to see how fractured the fandom has become, and to reflect on my own role in it. I've been holding my tongue on a lot of things for months, out of fear of disappointing people I care about, or out of fear of becoming a target, or out of fear of losing my community bc, tbh, I don't have much else for social interaction, especially since covid ruined all our lives. But the less I said, the more I just ended up removing myself from the community, and the truth is that while I don't want to disappoint anyone, there are a lot of people here who've disappointed me. And it's not fair for me to not acknowledge that; I can't beat myself up for saying things or having opinions that disappoint others while also internalizing all of the disappointment and exhaustion heaped on me by others, so that I feel like I'm the only one doing something wrong.

And I'm not saying that to call out anyone; like I said, this is cathartic for me to write. And far be it for me to say anyone is doing anything wrong in fandom, bc we all have our own perspectives and experiences and they affect how we engage in fandom spaces, and that's fine. You do you, boo, and all that. (Asode from death threats and harrassment; y'all need to cut that shit out.) But it would be disingenuous to not acknowledge the ripple effect that some people's actions and words have on others, including me.

I was going through my old blog posts from the last, I don't know, year or so and of course everything was a mess in fandom then, too, but not nearly as bad as it is now. Ragnarok wank was still the most prevalent wank, along with the building anticipation/anxiety over the series. And I was thinking about how my stance on Ragnarok aligned me with a certain group of people, and how my stance on the series conflicts with that, and how it might seem to the casual observer that I've "switched sides." There's a whole lotta discourse from antis about not understanding how people who hated Ragnarok could turn around and love the series, and feeling hurt/let down by those opinions, and I just can't help but wonder what they're thinking about me or if they feel let down by me. But the thing is, I've never hated Ragnarok, and I don't love the series. I think there's a lot wrong with Ragnarok and I have criticized it a lot, that's all. I think there's a lot wrong with the series, too, but there's a lot that I like, or appreciate. So no, I haven't "switched sides," - I'm exactly where I've always been, trying to engage with the material from the middle. I've never seen anything here as just black and white, love it or hate it, and it baffles me that so many do.

Now, I will say that some of that wank re: "switching sides" is legit, in that there are a couple of specific people who took their love for the show to the level of deciding it made them qualified to say that people who didn't and were vocal about it were too blinded by their own trauma/mental health in general to see the show clearly. And that sentiment, intended or not, has ended up being echoed by a lot of pro-series people, maybe not even knowing where it came from in the first place. Things like that contribute to the toxicity in this fandom and make the gap wider, and I get feeling hurt by that especially when it comes from someone once considered a close friend. So I'm not, like, saying these feelings are invalid.

But at the same time, it feels like anyone who previously had negative things to say about Ragnarok and now has positive things to say about the series is lumped into the same category as the people mentioned above, and that's harmful, too. A few months ago one of my posts, for example, got linked in a discord server that I happened to be lurking in at the time bc a lot of mutuals were in it, and I don't care that they disagreed with what I had to say but I do care that they said "Oh I thought I could trust her," like my posting an opposing opinion that says nothing about any other faction of fans and is focused on the series material makes me an untrustworthy mutual. It felt hurtful to me and, despite being such a minor slight in the grand scheme of things, has definitely contributed to my holding back on posting things - not only bc being talked about behind my back is a weird trigger for me (I had a tough adolescence) but bc I feel like I don't know who's nice to me on tumblr while thinking less of me as a person and ostracizing me on discord (or DMs).

What I'm getting at is, I have aligned myself with and befriended a good portion of the "negative" side of the fandom, and I often posted about how criticism shouldn't be treated as such a taboo, that people can post what they want to, that discussions and civil - nay, friendly - debate are good and should be encouraged. And I still feel that way; I don't think criticism should be frowned upon, and I do enjoy discussions even if there's differing opinions. That hasn't changed - but, over the course of the show airing and the six or seven months that have followed, the negativity faction has changed. It has snowballed into such toxicity that it has severely ruined Loki, and the fandom, for me personally.

(If you're a series-anti and we're still mutuals, btw, I am probably not talking about you. I have unfollowed the people, mutuals included, whose posts I no longer want to see, and there are a lot of antis on this site that I do not know, have never or rarely spoken to, and have no connection to, but who are so visibly anti that one can't help but be cognizant of them and their opinions. We also have mutuals in common so their posts are often on my dash. This is about them.)

(That said, if you're not comfortable being mutuals with me or if my posts make you feel let down or some other kind of way, please just unfollow me.)

And I think what was kinda the last straw for me is that some antis are no longer tagging negativity. I mean, I've been noticing a decline in the consistency of tagging for quite awhile now, but in the last few days, they are now not tagging on purpose in retaliation of getting harrassment and death threats. Certainly those things are far from okay, and I get the sentiment, but at the same time, I never harrassed anyone or sent any death threats. I'm just trying to mind my own business and salvage something from this fandom that's rewarding for me, and now I can't even curate my own dash properly.

Which brings me back around to my statement that the negativity has ruined Loki for me. Because the thing is, for me, while I feel there is a lot to be criticized about the series, I genuinely do not agree with many of the antis' takes and I'm tired of seeing them bc they don't change, they just grow and snowball into more extremes to the point where it seems like if you say anything positive about the series, there's at least one anti in the notes saying that thing is abusive or harmful. It can be incredibly frustrating on a meta level bc I disagree but don't dare engage about it, and it's frustrating on a fandom level bc the negativity is relentless. Posts about Avengers-era/TDW OG Loki cross my dash and there've been comments added like "oh, remember when Loki had good writers/Marvel cared" etc. I've also seen an increase in frequency of antis hopping on a pro-series post and ranting, for lack of a better word, about why the show sucks; it has happened on my posts, too. A couple of weeks ago I saw someone complaining about Loki and the series on a post about the Dr. Strange trailer, which had nothing to do with Loki. Just yesterday I saw a post in which OP wrote some meta on the subtle ways that Sylvie showed she cared about Loki, only for an anti to reblog with some "give her her own show then, I'm here for Loki," take which, of course, encouraged others to reblog with "yeah we hate Sylvie and she's a bitch to Loki" commentary, and like - the fuck are you even trying to accomplish, at this point? What do you gain? Certainly not catharsis, bc clearly none of you feel any better, and you're not saying anything new, either. Nor are you looking for genuine discussion bc you're obviously never going to change your mind, no matter what anyone says. So why? It's like there's this inability to tolerate people's enjoyment of the series without feeling the need to remind them that it's abusive and shitty.

Here's the thing about negativity - it's fucking negative. It feels bad and it makes people feel bad. I've seen post after post after post of antis talking about how angry they are, or how painful it is, or how disappointed and furious and heartbroken they are. Those are absolutely valid feelings, and I share some of them, but they aren't pleasant ones. Nobody enjoys feeling that way. It feels bad to feel bad, and that's why tagging was utilized in the first place. So people could avoid seeing posts that would make them feel bad.

Like I've said, repeatedly, I have criticisms of the show. Like. I don't even like it that fucking much! I don't agree with the faction of fans who think it's the best, most brilliant thing ever. But I do think it has heart, and I do care about the characters (yes, I care about Sylvie and I care about Mobius and I care about their bonds with Loki), and I don't feel like feeling bad. I feel bad most of the time in my life; mental illness is a bitch. When I come to tumblr to engage in fandom, I'm doing so as an escape. I want to enjoy myself. If I want to feel bad, I want it to be bc of fictional angst and struggle, not bc every time I turn around it seems like someone else is trying to remind me that Loki's character was ruined by the show or that supporting any aspect of it, especially a ship, makes one transphobic or supportive of abuse. People's consumption of fiction shouldn't be tied to or reflective of their morals anyway, but also, all it's accomplishing is spreading the negativity so more people feel bad.

So, yeah. The level and relentlessness of the negativity is what has ruined my enjoyment of Loki and of fandom. Not wanting to write or post meta bc I feel like if I criticize anything, antis will take it as a green light to start piling on the hate is a big part of it, but it's also not knowing who's disappointed in me or feels betrayed by me or is even just spilling tea about me bc of something I post or share. It's not being able to read fic, bc maybe I saw a post that day that hit on one of my own complaints about the series, and it wasn't tagged, and that person wrote a whole rant about it, and now I can't stop thinking about it to the point that it's actively distracting me from whatever I'm trying to read. I don't care that that person had that take, but I do care that I saw it and it affected me bc they decided not to tag it.

That's just an example of how the negativity can get under your skin and start affecting your perceptions. And, I mean, maybe the thing wouldn't have bothered me if I didn't also agree with it to an extent, but I should have the ability to decide, okay, x thing sucks but it is what it is, I'm going to focus on z bc that's what I'm getting enjoyment from and I want to feel good right now. I don't want to see some negative thing about x. I don't want to acknowledge my criticisms right now. Or if I do, I don't want it to go down the slippery slope of "mhm x was kinda shitty and I wish it hadn't been done" into "x is -phobic and toxic and harmful, and the creators did it on purpose to fuck over Loki, and also that Sylvie cunt should die in season 2" like - asdhjdasjk forget I said anything, damn.

Like I said, I don't expect this post to endear me to anyone, and I'm sure I'll lose some followers and possibly mutuals. If I hurt your feelings, I'm sorry; if I seem like I'm attacking anyone, I swear I'm not. I'm trying to get this weight off of my chest so that when I come to tumblr I can breathe again. I don't have a solution for all this toxicity, but identifying it and speaking it is, for me, better than nothing.

Please do not reblog this post.

[lululawrence]

Hey! Hope you having a good day. I'm sorry if this is uncomfortable, you don't have to answer me if you don't feel like it. Recently I've discovered myself as part of ace community (demiace). It feels great to finally understand myself but I'm also freaking out because I have no one to talk to about it. I'm in constant fear that no one is going to understand me or that ppl will just make fun of me. I feel like I'm all alone discovering a bunch of stuff that freaks me out. How was that experience for you?

Hi babes!!! No worries, for real. Thank you for sharing this part of your journey with me. It really does feel great to find a space that feels like it truly fits and just… explains so much about your feelings and experiences, doesn’t it??

I’m so sorry you’re having a hard time figuring out how you fit into the world around you and relationships with others etc with that particular aspect, though.

For me, I had been told by two a-specs that I wasn’t ace after trying to explain how I feel and what I experience. I’d fallen into more of a depression thinking that maybe I really was broken. A dear friend wouldn’t allow me to feel that way, though, and we had a road trip planned where she was going to fly to me in Ohio and then we would drive up to Michigan for a gathering of the larries! Haha this was six years ago and would be the first time I ever met her in person and we were so excited. She knew about my super poor research skills and abilities and said she would look into the ace identity for me and would read things she thought might pertain to me while we drove. That car ride was SUCH a powerful experience for me and I’m so grateful to her for doing that. She helped me find out about what gray ace is and how I might fit there, learn more about definitions, etc. I had that friend there from the beginning and it was so very helpful.

That didn’t diminish my fear of coming out to my husband though. It is scary, isn’t it? Feeling like you’re still learning more about yourself and who you are and trying to figure out how that fits with everyone and thing else in your life. It’s hard. I’m sorry you’re still in that moment of fear, though. It isn’t a fun place to be.

Thankfully my husband took it all very well. He’s still learning and figuring it all out because I am as well. Six years hasn’t really made that any easier. It’s a lot of difficult and emotional conversations that sometimes help and sometimes don’t as we do our best to figure out how to make things work with us in a way that allows us both to still have our needs fulfilled and yet allows us to be happy and comfortable. Overall though it’s made us so much stronger and happier because we know so much more the why for it all.

My friends have all been wonderful too. I’m a pretty damn open book and don’t hold a lot close to my chest because I feel like it’s through the discussion of it all that helps me better process and understand everything, but also I would feel selfish if I didn’t allow my own experiences to help others in their journey. I’m not judging others who feel differently, this is truly just for me. And because of this open attitude I have towards this, I have always been pretty straightforward about my thoughts and feelings and identity with everyone here and as many as I feel safe doing so with those in my real life.

I’ve had moments where I learned that people who said they were supportive even if they didn’t understand came back later and expressed thoughts and opinions that made it very clear for me that they weren’t a safe space for me like I thought. And that hurt a lot. But thankfully that has definitely been the minority of experiences.

So yeah. Here I am now six years later and still learning but so so happy. I feel so much better with my identity now and feel so good about it. I hope you’re able to work through this moment of fear and feel the confidence and peace I do now! Please let me know if there’s anything specific I can help you talk through to feel better about your situation. So many hugs for you!!!!