#and joking about that whole thing with the bad taste making it overwhelming to eat normal produce is just how I normalize it for myself

[the-blorb-system]

Omg boo- we have a boo as well. I mean that's just one of her three names but it's the most commonly used one.

I would say more about her but I'm afraid of snitchers who'd tattletale me to a gatekeeper.

Oh yeah the imaginary stories. I as a 4 year old heard a story about the lion who wanted strawberries, and then proceeded to apparently babble for 90 minutes about god know who because no one understood a word I said.

..guess who doesn't like strawberries anymore

- Digi

Oooooof

I usually don't like strawberries. Or most fruit, actually, until I tried organic and realized it's because most produce just tastes like chemicals to me. (Autism moment, L)

I don't remember much of anything from being a kid (but I have a handful of pinpoint memories), so I couldn't say whether those home teachers were getting a real story or not XD

I'm also pretty lucky that most of my headmates seem to have decided that what I share on this blog is okay. It's risky, and we acknowledge it, but we've debated making the blog for months, and doing so was a very distinct decision. Hopefully we get to do more with it!

-Lizzy

[thatstonedwriter]

⋆｡˚ 「 Bad Trip 」 ⋆｡˚

◉ Sinopsis; comforting you after indulging too much during your first ever session

◉ CW; weed, anxiety attacks

◉ A/n- I know I said I was gonna work on event requests, but this one just came in, and I was immediately inspired. I get to draw from my personal experience, too lol- and write for Vortex. It's a good day. Enjoy!

◉ Feat; Blitz, Moxxie, Beelzebub, Vortex

It was your first time experimenting with weed. It started out pretty well! But then, the room starts to spin, and you notice it's getting harder to breathe. Your eyes and mouth are dry, and you think.. maybe you've had a bit too much.

Blitz is observant about those he cares about, so when your eyes are red and your breathing becomes more shallow, he knows exactly what's happening. To help you sober up faster, Blitz encourages you to eat and drink whatever you can. Using his spare blankets, he wraps you up and guides you to the bed, where you can get more comfortable. The room is spinning, and your thoughts are racing, so Blitz turns on the TV as a distraction from any negative thoughts you're having. While this is something he's also experienced before, Blitz still has the audacity to make jokes about your lower tolerance, but it doesn't go on for too long. If you start to have a panic attack, Blitz won't be super helpful at first. He'll be overwhelmed and unsure how to comfort you, so he might snap a bit. Although he's not the best with verbal comfort, you can be sure he won't leave you alone.

Moxxie doesn't really smoke, so if you're participating, he's your designated sober person. While, of course, he's kinda awkward, he's much more well-versed in comforting his loved ones. As someone who has had his fair share of panic attacks, he realizes pretty quickly when you've had too much. Because of Moxxie's own anxiety, he overthinks and isn't great with verbal comfort, but he's all for acts of service and physical affection. He'll put a hand on your back to keep you grounded, have stim toys for distractions, and constantly offer to get you anything you need. The constant fussing might be overwhelming, though. One way Moxxie comforts himself is by listening to music, so he might pop on one of his playlists as background noise. Until he's sure you're safe and in a good headspace, Moxxie won't leave your side, and he'll do anything to make sure you're okay.

Beelzebub is probably the reason you over-indulged, to be completely honest. Love her, but her tolerance is way above everyone else's, and she doesn't factor that in when she's encouraging you to smoke. Since she can taste people's energy, she's the quickest to know when something is off. Bee has had her fair share of people going overboard at parties and knows how to help people come down from a bad high- food, water, and laughter. She's big on the whole 'laughter is the best medicine" thing, so she uses humor to try and help you feel better. She'd probably put on a rom-com or comedy show and sling an arm around your shoulders. Her focus on comedy doesn't make her attempts any less sincere. Sessions like this should be fun, and she wants you to have good memories, even if the experience wasn't perfect.

Vortex is a sweetheart but kind of oblivious. He's focused on having a good time- not that he's neglecting you. He just always assumes you're having a good time, too. He'll pick up if things are going wrong, but you'll have to verbalize exactly what's happening so he knows how to help. He's the kind to pull you somewhere quiet and help you focus on breathing. His voice is soft as he explains that experiences like this are totally normal and that you'll be okay. While Tex doesn't want to minimize what you're going through, he doesn't want you to get stuck focusing on the negative. Dude also for sure gives the best hugs. The perfect combination of gentle but grounding. Vortex loves parties, sessions, hang outs, etc- and is all about having a safe, good time with everyone. He assures you that despite all that's happening after you feel better, everything will be okay again.

── ˙•˚∘✮ 🔭๋࣭ᯓ🌙˙•˚∘ ──

[redactedgender]

redacted audio headcanons: elliott & sunshine edition

im in my elliott & sunshine era rn it seems. i cant stop thinking abt them. so heres some of my hc for them! the sunshine hc’s are specifically for my oc (charlie, he/they), but im keeping it neutral so others can apply it to their oc’s/sunshine hc’s maybe :0

!! CW FOR MENT. OF SUNSHINE’S ACCIDENT. ALSO SOME 18+, MINORS DNI !!

; t4t elliott & sunshine. i don’t make the rules, i just enforce them

; following that thought, sunshine, geordi & guy were all elliott’s caretakers after he got top surgery

; elliott & aaron’s last name is hawkins, but elliott is technically elliott lewis-hawkins. his last name is hyphenated because ‘lewis’ was the name of his first foster family (they were the best one he had had at that point, but when the mom got pregnant they realized they couldn’t support two kids), so he uses their name to remember them by

; sunshine has a prosthetic leg from their accident. they walk with a forearm crutch or sometimes use a wheelchair during extra bad pain days. they also have lots of small scars from the glass across their body, mostly arms

; elliott has called sunshine “sunshine” since they first met basically. but, when guy heard sunshine call elliott “dreamboat” one random day, he made the joke that their ship name would be “daydream”. since then, whenever guy talks about the two of them, he refers to them as “daydream” (ex: “yeah i’m just in a call with geordi and daydream, what’s up?��)

; they have matching yellow lego charms that make a heart when you put them together (like this but yellow)

; (18+) they both have horrible oral fixations (canon but still). they both could live between each others thighs. the 69 position is one of their favorites because of that

; sunshine and cutie used to go to school together, but after cutie’s powers manifested they kinda stopped hanging out. sunshine never really liked cutie tbh. they aren’t aware that cutie is empowered

; sunshine and treasure are cousins, and treasure was the first person sunshine told about their (completely obvious) crush on eli when they realized they liked him

; eli’s favorite color is lavender, and also loves lavender scented things (he has the lavender & iris spray from bath & body works and practically douses his bed in it. it smells divine btw)

; elliott had a wattpad account. what he read on that site is between him and god

; elliott is a lord of the rings nerd. you mean to tell me the guy who made a whole-ass fantasy d&d session dreamscape with his partner featuring a full-ass dragon isn’t a tolkien nerd??

; elliott also loves d&d. he hasn’t played a lot, but has enjoyed it when he did; he once dm’ed a one shot for his friend group and it was a crazy ass story. he likes worldbuilding and character backstories the most

; sunshine collects cds from thrift stores. even from artists they don’t know anything about

; besides their house, elliott and sunshine have also discussed getting animals together. they decided on a dog named thor and a cat named mercury

; honey is elliott and aaron’s cousin. they don’t know elliott is empowered. honey and aaron are the two cousins who would disappear when they both got overwhelmed at a party

; elliott loves watching competition shows like “blown away”, he eats that shit up

; (18+) sunshine is a big reader, and absolutely eats up all different kinds of genres. sometimes elliott likes to “punish” them for not paying attention to him by using him mouth on them while they read erotica & edge them until they finish a specific number of chapters

; elliott hates tuna. like, haaaaates tuna. can't stand the smell, taste, texture, anything about it. the only thing he can handle about it is when its alive and intact; he can't even handle it in sushi

; in pjo, sunshine would be a child of apollo, and elliott would be a child of hypnos

; sunshine didn’t tell the group about the accident until they had a panic attack over a car crash in a movie. they had told elliott bits and pieces before that (and obviously he had seen their nightmares), but they felt as though they didn’t want to burden elliott and the rest of the group with their trauma

; OK SO. elliott and sunshine’s favorite movie collectively is “tangled”. i mean its their absolute fave. they watched it together on their first official date, it’s their comfort movie, they have matching jewelry of the sun symbol, theyve cosplayed/gone as flynn and rapunzel a bunch of times for halloween, etc. like these guys LOVE tangled. and apparently there’s a new disney ride of the lantern festival in disneyland tokyo. so, in a world where the balance didnt separate them, and theyre together and happy and healing, i like to imagine they decide to visit a disney and go on the ride if they have it there. and id like to imagine that when theyre in the lantern section, they both reach into their pockets and pull out boxes. and, with tears streaming down their faces and the biggest fucking grins imaginable, they propose to each other (and ofc they both say yes) <3

; the couple that are stoners together stay together <3 elliott likes to shotgun sunshine

; elliott is always the big spoon. he likes knowing hes protecting sunshine in both their dreams and in real life

━━━━

im so normal and regular about these two i promise (<- lying). i will add more as i see fit. also i might have a fic idea based on one of these headcanons, hehe :3c

[igotanidea]

Relapse :Jason Todd x plus-size fem! reader

Warnings: this is probably the heaviest thing I've ever written, so proceed with caution since might be triggering. I'm deadly serious! Here we go: eating disorders, mentions of anorexia, body shaming, insecurities, mentions of self-harm, bad relationships, self-hatred, self-depreciating thoughts, possible heart-break, past trauma, emotional damage.

Remember: no matter what you are struggling with, it will get better. You are not alone, don't be afraid to reach for help.

***

It’s pretty funny how one single memory can be carved into your brain, just waiting to emerge. A smell or taste can bring back good things, your favorite song, connected to some happy times can make you smile instantly. But, on the other, darker side, there are whole lot of bad associations. A word, a feeling, a single shot through your heart and you end up falling back into the same pattern of thinking and spinning, unable to get out of the cycle. All the energy spend on building yourself up, all the effort and one reckless behavior sends you back to square one.

And that was what was happening to Y/N at the moment. It was a nice day, spend with her family, talking, joking, laughing and enjoying the sun. And she was good for the most of it. Only when she get back to her apartment and started thinking, she could feel the lump growing in her throat, not sure of the reason of it. Her mind just started spinning, emotions taking over her, being too much, too fast, all at once. She simple could not handle them. And to think that all this was sparked by one single bad thought about herself.

You are not like your family. You are so big, how can you even compare yourself to them? Take a look at your mother, your sister, your friends… How can you even look at yourself in the mirror and feel good? That’s just pathetic. You are pathetic. Pathetic and fat. Do you really believe someone can love you? You? with your big ass and round belly? The worst lie is the one you tell to yourself.

And then there was more:

Summer is coming. How are you going to show yourself out? Do you really think you can wear shorts? Or short-sleeved T-shirt?

The truth was she did not wear any of the summer clothes in like 6 or 7 years. Last time was probably when she was anorectic and due to some twisted image of herself believed she looked good while being severely underweight.  At times like this, she truly wished she was a skeleton rather than a meatloaf.

All she knew was that she just had to get those feelings out of her system. And unfortunately, she did in the only way she knew – binge eating. Escaping the emotions by literally stuffing them inside. Feeling sick of herself, of this eating disorder she was dealing with for like 10 years on and off, constantly. Once it got better, then it started all over again. High one minute and then down the other.  

She hated herself. She hated her body. She hated the empty promises, all of them starting tomorrow. She hated controlling every calorie during the day, refusing to have even the tiniest piece of chocolate and then getting hungry, frustrated, overwhelmed at night. And starting this all over again.

 And all that guilt and rage finally bend her to the ground and she found herself sobbing desperately on the kitchen floor, surrounded by the evidence of her guilt in the form of empty pocket of cookies, an XXL size bar of chocolate, a carton of milk, half-eaten cheese-strings and a jar of apple mousse. She did it again, fuck, she did this again!

Sudden steps In the corridor startled her beyond recognition and in the utter terror she tried to hide all those empty papers and wraps, but it was no use. Her boyfriend, Jason Todd, was simply too fast, he was a vigilante after all and that trait came in a package.

“Hey baby, how was your…..?” he stopped in the middle of the sentence, eyes widening a bit upon seeing her crouched figure on the floor, surrounded by the trash. He instantly knew, the question was however, what caused her panic attack and the aftermath in the form of overeating “What happened?”

“Nothing.” She looked onto the floor, trying to keep her voice calm and collected while trembling inside. I am worthless, I am pathetic, why are you even with me?

“Don’t lie to me. Please.” He crouched next to her and put one hand on her shoulder, reassuringly but it only made her tremble more. He knew her well enough to  notice that fear, shame and guilt in her eyes and realize that only too many emotions triggered her eating disorder again. She’s been clean for a while now, but sometimes life was just too much to handle and that was the result.

To be completely honest, sometimes he blamed himself for her relapses. If he was home, like a normal boyfriend should she would at least have someone to rant to and let all those worries out. She might have been one of the strongest person he knew, always, always getting up and moving forward, but he experienced first-handed that situations like this could leave some long-lasting scars on mentality.

 “Talk to me.” He practically begged, eyes focused on her face, searching her orbs, gently asking for explanation. “Please, baby, I can’t stand to see you like this. Let me help you. Let me make you better. I’m here.” He tried to cup her cheek but she flinched and moved out of his reach probably breaking his heart in the process.

“Please, just leave me alone, Jay.  It’s enough that I despise myself for what happened. You …. I don’t want you to look at me with that pity in your eyes. I’m a fuckup. I wish I could go back to the times when I actually had anorexia, at least then I didn’t have to look at my chubby face in the mirror and fell all that…... I didn’t have to judge my thick thighs, those stupid fat ass and those fucking round belly.” She sobbed, barely containing the shaking of her body, grabbing the skin and pinching at it angrily until it became red and started to hurt. That was all she deserved.

“Can I hug you?” he whispered softly, his voice breaking, wanting nothing more than to embrace her, to make her feel safe and loved. To take all that pain away. Both mental and physical since she was really hurting herself at the moment.  He knew the mechanisms all too well. When he died, he was afraid of Joker coming after him again, he had panic attacks and multiple nightmares that made him jolt in the middle of the night, and this, this was her equivalent of all that living hell.

No matter what she was saying or thinking about herself, he’s been thought it too.

He hated his body, his scars and injuries, she hated the way she looked and how it made her feel. It took him years to open up to people enough to let them in and trust them in the slightest and she was still feeling judged. Her pain was his pain and he could feel his stomach do flips upon watching her so broken and scared on the floor. He wanted to be her shelter, her save haven. If only she let him, he would just engulf her in his warmth, keep her there, taking all the tears, all the shivers, all the fear and worry.

God, he loved her so much.

He would gladly spend eternity with her in his arms, just proving his love and loyalty but at this state she would never believe him. He’d been there and had done that. The only thing he could do was help her calm down, give her a bit of space and just be with her until she feels ready to talk.

“No….” she shook her head frantically “I don’t want you to feel all my curves. It’s too much. And I’m so ashamed of them. But it’s all on me. I made this. I made myself look like a freaking balloon.”

“Princess. Please…. Don’t do this to yourself. Don’t hurt yourself.” He begged again, his throat clenched by the pain he felt for her.  

“You know, today I got a perfect reminder of why I hate summer. It’s because of the sun and warmth and nice weather.” She said in a robot-like voice, staring at the space, reliving the memory from few hours before.

“Why?” he asked, talking the moment of her distraction to move a bit closer, sitting next to her,  leaning head on the wall, inch by inch his hand was moving towards hers. ‘I'm here baby, let it out." he thought.

“Because I never believed I could wear any summer clothes, you know. Never. It just didn’t feel right. I mean, my sister, she’s got perfect figure, no rolls or fat on her body, so she’s the one to feel confident in those. I do not. I spend the day in long, black pants, overheating, just because I look like a freaking head cheese. And the worst part, I’m the biggest in my family and it always makes me compare myself. I do not match with them. Never felt like I did in the appearance area. And maybe I just don't fit with anyone and will always be the D.U.F.F. It hurts, Jason. It freaking hurts.” A few tears flew down her cheeks “It’s just too painful when I see all those women just feeling good in their bodies."

“I know. “ he sighed deeply

“I wish I just could go back in time when I was skinny.”

“Babe, you were severely malnourished back then. On the verge of life and death.”

“At least I could look at myself in the mirror.” She sobbed. ”And now I can’t. Sometimes it just feels like no matter where I go I’m always the biggest and ugliest.”

“You are neither of those.”

“Stop it. Just…. just stop it. I know how I look all right? And I’m not ok with this. Some days just hit worse than others.”

“I’m sorry, baby. But you need to know no one is judging you…..”

“I don’t care! Out of all the people in the world you should understand it the best, Jay. I judge myself! I compare myself! I torture myself with thinking than I’m not worthy of love, of care, of affection. Of your love and care and attention. Not when I see my former school friends looking like a fucking supermodels.  And that makes me ashamed. And …. And this is what happens then….” She waved her hands around pointing toward the empty wrappers around “I’m not good enough…..” he voice broke a bit and she trembled again, bursting into the waterfall of tears. "  

“Y/N, princess, please don’t do this. It will damage you…..”

“Please, go away Jason. I want to be alone.”

“You know I can’t leave you like this. I just…. I can’t . Not until you calm down. ”

“It may take hours. “ she raised her teary eyes to look at him.

“So be it. You are my priority, not going anywhere till you stop spinning. I’m here.” He whispered, entwining their fingers “we don’t need to talk, not yet, but you just need to remember I love you.  You are not alone. And I don’t care how long it takes, I will put you back on your feet.”

“Why? Why are you trying to fix me?”

“Baby, you are not broken, you don’t need fixing. And I will remind you. Just let me take care of you.”

“I think I really want to be alone. I might take a nap. It will probably get better after that.”

“All right. I’ll tuck you in if….”

“No.” she shook her head “I need to think. I need to distance myself. Just…. leave Jace, I promise I won’t do anything stupid. Besides, it’s late. You should be getting ready for your night work. You know the team needs you.”

“You need me more right now.”

“I’ll be fine. I promise, Jay.” She lifted corners of her mouth, but this fake smile did not reach her eyes and did little to convince him. “It’s not like it happened the first time and I’m still here, right?”

“Right.” He could pretend not to notice the scars and traces serving as recollections of what she used to do herself in the past.  That though always made Jason shiver. He could have lost her so many times before if it wasn’t for Bruce help and the medical care he got for her. And it made it a bit harder for him to hate his father.

“I trust you.” he simply said “If anything happens, I mean anything you call me, right away, you hear me, babygirl? I’ll get rid of whatever scumbag may come onto the streets tonight in a second and will be right with you in a heartbeat.”

“I know, Jace.” She would never call him during patrol and put him in danger even if she was dying on the floor in a pool of blood. Never.

“I love you.” he muttered kissing the top of her head lightly and getting up. Something was telling him this was going to be a rough night for both of them.

***

When he got back she was already asleep in her favorite position. Seemingly, finally at peace, but he knew better than to look at the appearances and masks she knew how to wear. She was crying herself to sleep for god knows how long. Most probably she only passed out because of exhaustion and her mind playing trick on her. It was like a brain power cut off before it went overload. She was curled up, legs up to her chest exposing a bit of her lower back, hugging herself. Fuck! He should have stayed with her!

Slowly, carefully he discarder his jacket and body armor, approaching the bed. Only then he noticed tossed away blanket and goosebumps all over her skin – to top the pain, fear, and tears she was also so cold. He needed to hold her. He just had to give her the comfort, no matter what she said about that.

The bed dipped when he laid down beside her, wrapping arms around her, pulling her close, not caring about her rolls and surpluses. She hated them, he barely noticed.

“Jace….” She whined, squirming, still feeling uncomfortable when he was touching her.

“It’s me baby. I’m here.  Everything is all right. I’m back to you.”

“Please don’t leave me” she sobbed turning around and pulling herself close to him, face hidden in his chest “Please, don’t leave me just because I don’t look like a model. And because I’m an eating disorder freak. Please, Jace…”

“How…. How could you even think I will leave you?” he held her tighter. God! If she ever had thoughts like this what was this saying about him as a boyfriend? “I’m not. I won’t. I promise. I got you, baby.” He cooed rubbing her hair and shoulders. “I’m with you. It will pass, just let it out and I’ll help you heal the same way you did for me.”

"Ok...." she managed to gasp in the tiniest, barely audible voice, finally leaning onto him and letting him care for her. Just that one word was enough for him. She trusted him and he was not going to let her down.

[hinamie]

oh my god ok so i know im late I didn't talk about it because it happened during one of my Offline Eras but . but listen ok lisn the new former vandal album sent me THROUgh the FUCKINNG ROOF to be fair i knew it would like i joked about going upstairs to listen to it and cry when it dropped but i didn't think that every fucking song would hit me so hard in the kokoro it made me wail because I too have immense religious guilt ANYWAY im gonna rant incoherently and at length now hope u all missed me

ok first of all gotta shout out the fuckin album title i knew it was gonna be devastating when I saw it . fuckin. divine interference????? music for god's playthings indeed i eat that shit up i was like yoooooo hes also got a bone to pick with jesus go off bestie <333

so former vandal are artists visionaries kings so ofc tracklist is all mythology n religion-inspired (lazarus/goliath/ouroboros etc) and i think its so cool that theyre all in caps until u get to the end and the final song is denial and it's in lowercase and maybe its simple but i was like ART. ARTTTTTT. and it made me go back and look at the tracklist of their previous album and I realized that the whole thing was about vices and unhealthy coping with an overwhelming and forsaken existence but then the final song was Get Right (still my go-to comfort song to this day tbh tbh tbh) and it's like an acknowledgement that ok maybe none of this is the answer and something has to change anyway wrong album oops back 2 divine interference

i made a point of listening to the songs that hadnt been released as singles first so the first song i listened to was Lazarus and tbh probably my fav song on the album maybe tied with parables and maaaaybe even icarian. BUT LAZARUS SLAPS SOS SOSOOSO HARD god the theme of not knowing how to leave something behind even when it's bad for you,,, both criticizing but also mirroring the actual story of lazarus in the lyrics being like "wow kinda fucked up of god for resurrecting u without ur consent" but also acknowledging that he himself is guilty of holding onto the things that kill him.,,, GOD ITS SO FUCKING G GOOD I FDFGSADFGDG

salt also !!! BANGER not quite up there with the likes of lazarus but it gets bonus points because a. i lov the idea of starting to recognize that you're coming into yourself n an identity apart from your vices n traumas and b. for having two of the most RAW lines in the entire album imo which is reaaallly saying something: "now that everything's bright I guess I'm fine/but there's an art in the dark that took years to refine" and "the spark of divine intervention/that I'm still terrified I've left behind" (ALBUM TITLE DROP ALBUM TITLE DROP) god these two just dont miss and i love it but i am far too neurodivergent to contain myself they need to give me a break pls i am v i b r a t i n g

ok gonna move into the Chill(tm) tracks I think with goliath as well as shame/rotten I vibe more with the lyrics than the actual songs because i prefer my angsty alt pop to be Upbeat thank u very much but can i just say. the lyrics of these two songs ESPECIALLY SHAME/ROTTEN LIKE ok first of all i love the tonal shift halfway through that manages not to make them feel like completely different songs it's just jarring enough like there's been an acceptance of sorts,, like omg same i too am like 'god i feel like the scum of the earth might as well own it a bit',, "the fear of god/the need for blame" fuckin bullseye ow,, "I starve to feed the parts of me/far from who i oughta be/tell me are you proud of me yet?" FUCKIN BULLSEYE OWW

I know i just said i prefer my angst upbeat but crocodile tears (very upbeat very rock wuaw) is probably my least favourite track if i had to pick but it does have a lyrical BANGER of an opening verse ("holding the hand that's holding me under" g o d) i think i just don't dig the overall melody too much and find the ending a bit repetitive fr my tastes,, who knows though it took a while and many re-listens for ouroboros to grow on me maybe this'll b a similar story ,, but then again ouroboros had the advantage of echoing mine own mental health and self-destructive behaviours shdgj

ok so i was crying from the beginning right but the songs that made me ugly bawl were growing pains (very similar vibes to get right but in a "i know that i'm healing" way rather than a "i need to heal" way) and denial,, but starting w growing pains,, my god idk What they did with the mic/vocals after the bridge but it felt like the music was being injected directly into my ears secret direct path 2 my bloodstream god I hadnt felt chills like that in such a long time and idk just the whole Mood of the song having been hurting for so long and only now starting to recognize the damage you've done but also appreciate the progress youv made,,, i have so so many emotions but DENIAL (its funny saying it in caps bc its the only track in lowercase getit getit) oh my god ths going straight on the list of Songs That Make Me Think About My Relationship With My Dad but also Songs That Make Me Emo About All The People I've Grown Apart From and i think its so powerful to frame a personal transition away from faith as growing apart from an old friend and missing them despite any hard feelings holy shit though holy shit . the first listen by this point i had already been emotionally devastated by the Whole Album so i was like ok surely ill get a break by the last song lol nope sorry i ended up crying so hard i think i gave myself a headache

I think I must have yelled about the songs that they released as singles when they dropped individually but it's been so long that i forget what i said but honestly parables and icarian are still just as good as when i heard them for the first time (when parables dropped i spilled my tea on my fucking notes bc i was vibing too hard),, I love parables' msg of accepting the lessons ur (traumatic) past taught u and how it shaped u as a person even if u recognize that that person is someone hurt and in need of healing and maybe that has to happen alone! and i know for a fact i've gushed about icarian (still one of the most gojocore songs Ever imho dont fight me on this) but now looking at it in the context of the rest of the album i love that it's first cause it really frames the whole icarus thing of having flown too close to the sun or to god and getting burned and that pain essentially being the catalyst for the entire Journey tht the rest of the album outlines (obsessed w the fact that the next song is jaded like fr having these two songs one after the other is literally "fucked around/found out" gsfhjsh)

but all that being said not to b dramatic but this album destroyed me it rearranged something deep in my soul and i don't know who i was before it but i probably wont ever be the same :) i literally love these two so much im so appreciative of them its so rare to feel so Seen by a piece of media so to have an entire album hit so incredibly close to home for me and slap while doing so????? i feel so lucky . this entire album feels like taking the first step to address years of hurt and self destruction it feels like losing a friend it feels like finding yourself and i just . i love it so much

[martyrsex]

Jason x Reader

A/N: Fantasies part three!! Yey! This is not a long chapter. It's just to clean the mess I did in the last one, honestly. There's nothing else to add in the story, so probably it's the last chapter, but who knows? I don't!

summary: Jason and reader needs roy's help to understand each other's feelings better. Jay ends up listening to something out of context, and it leads to reader being done of this.

Fantasies - chapter three.

Roy Harper wasn't as oblivious as his friends believed. Actually, he probably understands better the situation than both of them. Yesterday, when he came back home, Jason was locked inside his room and so was she. Roy eated alone, cleaned the dishes alone, and planned the next mission alone. It wasn't unusual for her to be a little reclusive - being the only girl in the house sometimes made her feel overwhelmed, as she told him once - but Jason? Odd.

So, when he saw Jason sitting in the kitchen this morning, an untouched cup of coffee in the middle of his hands, Roy knew his buddy fucked something up. The red marks on Jason's shoulders didn't escape his sharp eyes; and the lack of her stunning presence exposed that something was off.

"Where's my girl?" Roy developed an habit of calling her his girl, but it was a mere sweet name. Just like he called Jay my jaybird. Arsenal cares deeply for his friends; and seeing both of them this down - or seeing the lack of a presence - makes him sad. He knows, though, that Jason is slightly jealous - honestly, so fucking jealous - at the proximity he has with the woman.

What his stupid best buddy doesn't realize, is the reason she tends to talk more with Roy than with him.

She's not madly in love with me, you ass. That's why.

He almost said that so many times to Jason, when he noticed his stare on them having fun, joking and hugging each other. She would go to his room for movie nights, and more than once, when Jason tried to participate, she shutted down; sometimes not saying a word the whole night. Jason never talked with Roy about this; and he doesn't need to. Roy knows Jason like the palm of his hands; he can read his friend's emotions like it's an actual book.

So Arsenal doesn't feel surprised when Jason furrows at the nickname leaving his lips, nor when he states harshly;

"Your girl, Roy, is in her room." He gets up, leaving the coffee on the table, and when Harper realizes his boy is leaving the kitchen, he is interfering in the only way he knows how to - teasing.

"Interesting marks in your arms, dude. Was you patrolling?" Jason tenses at the statement, cursing himself for forgetting to put a shirt with long sleeves.

"I'm not in the mood, Roy."

"It seems like you was yesterday." At that, Jason finally looks at him. And damn, the guy was bad.

"You know, Roy, sometimes your girl is right. You really should learn the time to shut up."

Roy can't help the low chuckle that leaves his lips when Jason says the nickname again. Damn, was he that oblivious? He expected more for someone trained by the big bat.

"What did you do? Thought you knew how to treat a lady, Jaybird."

"This has absolutely nothing to do with her!" Jason is mad; he knows. But it's like this - after he releases his bitter feelings, the sadness crawls his throat and he opens up. Again, Roy Harper knows his friends.

"Sure, Jason. So why isn't she here, and why you have those scratches? I'm not a kid, dude, I can recognize love marks when I see them."

Jason sighs, shoving his anger aside, because Roy is right and he is being an ass. He sits on the chair again, staring at the coffee he tried to do like she does, and failed miserably, because her coffee is fucking great and his sucks. And that's a pattern in a lot of other things.

Roy joins him, stealing his cup and sipping at the now cold liquid.

"This tastes like shit."

"I know."

The stare at each other, and for a moment, none knew what to say. She was inside her room since last night, and Jason had to fight against himself to not open her door and beg her to forgive him, for some reason he can't figure it out.

"What happened when I was out, Jason?" Roy decides to be direct, so they can get somewhere.

"I fucked up, I guess."

"Yeah, I can see that. Why?"

"We... damn, I wanted this for so long. And I thought she wanted too, and-"

"So you guys fucked?" Jason rolls his eyes.

"Yeah, wasn't you who said it was obvious?" Roy drinks the shitty coffee again;

"So, dude, what's wrong? You got what you wanted. You should be, like, glad." His words were extremely calculated to make Jason spill it out, because it's noticeable the guy needs help to figure out his feelings.

"She cried after." Well. That was unexpected. She wouldn't cry easily, especially in front of them. Roy suddenly feels protective.

"The fuck you did, Jason?"

"Damn it, I don't know! I said already. I thought she was enjoying it, but after she started to cry, and left me." He was so stressed. Feeling guilty for something he didn't even knows what is.

"I'm afraid I hurt her. Maybe I was to rough."

"Are you sure that's the problem?" Roy knows Jason cares deeply for her, and his friend would never risk her safety for his trivial pleasures.

"Not really, Roy. You know I'm careful with this kind of thing, and honestly, I doubt she wouldn't say anything if that was the case."

Roy tilts his head, agreeing. She was just as good of a fighter as them - maybe even better - and she'd never shut herself down about this. But Roy knows she shuts down all the time about her feelings. Specially her feelings towards Jay. Jason knows that too; and that's what scares him the most. That maybe she carries feelings like his. That maybe this could have been something more, and he ruined.

"Well, you should talk to her about this. I can do that if you want."

"I know you will even if I asked you not to."

"Smart boy. But, now, the most important question: Was it good?"

"You're worthless, Roy Harper." He can't help the little smile in his face.

•••

She cried till her eyes felt like exploding. So when someone knocked on her door - and by the stupid sequence of it, she knew it was Roy - relief was the only thing running through her veins. Someone to talk to; something to fill her mind.

"Come in, Roy." She cleans fastly the corner of her swollen eyes, trying to fake a better state than what it actually was.

Closing the door behind him, he states, "I don't know who looks worst. You, or Jaybird." This calls her attention.

"Is he... Is he mad at me?" Roy sits on her bed, stroking her messy hair gently.

"Mad at you? The dude is almost jumping off a bridge. He's mad at himself."

The tears felt like surging again; and she swallowed hard to control her emotions. "Why would he be mad at himself, Roy? He did nothing wrong."

God, his friends were so dumb. He just want to scream, you guys love each other, for God's sake! But honestly, he's not sure if they would believe him. Because they are, again, fucking dumb.

"Was he rough with you?" Her eyes wide.

"No! He thinks that's the reason? I'm so stupid. I'm so, so fucking stupid. He must think... I hate him!"

"Now you're just being dramatic, and you know this."

A little smile crawls her red face. "Okay, maybe I am overthinking. But it's just... You know my feelings, Roy. I started to cry because I know he only wants me for my body, and I love him, and it hurts so much."

Jaybird will forgive him for this. He will have to. Roy hates to break his friend trust, but seriously, they need an exterior brain working on this.

"He loves you too, dummy. If you hadn't left so soon, he would have told you."

"How do you know?"

"Just talked with him." She can't control her sobs; this time - from happiness.

•••

Jason is in the corridor when he hears whimpers. He knows Roy is in her room, probably talking about how much he messed up. Her sweet voice breaking in sobs of pain is almost unbearable to him.

He stays there, trying to listen to anything that they say, completely aware he's being an idiot, because this is her privacy, and he doesn't have the right to do this.

And then, his heart is shoved out his chest.

...I hate him!

Jason leaves. Without listening to the rest, because he doesn't want to start crying in the middle of this stupid corridor. That's it. He got what he wanted. But at what price?

The next three days, she tried to approach him. She was that nice - even unable to forgive him, she kept trying to make Jason feel better. He didn't deserve this. So Jason refused. He walked away, wanting to respect her feelings. He convinced himself she had the right of hating him.

He convinced himself he didn't deserve her stunning presence, because taking the blame for this is better than the hope that, somehow, this is a misunderstood.

So why does his heart screams otherwise?

•••

Three days. He doesn't look at her face for three fucking days.

She did a cup of coffee for him, the way she knows he likes it, and he left it on the table, not even touching. She tried to talk to him, tried to stare shamelessly until he said something, and he returned none of her attempts.

Roy sweared he wasn't mad at her, so why isn't he talking to her? Why is he pretending she's not there? She's so fucking done of the silence treatment.

She'll break it. Without advice, she just enters in his room like a hurricane; but when they lock eyes, she has nothing in her mind.

He was changing clothes. His sweat pants dangerously low in his hips, his shirt in his hand. Hair wet from shower.

"Do you know door exist for a reason, don't you?" His voice. That teasing tone; a bit hesitant, but it's there.

"I- Ahm, I'm sorry." He puts his shirt again in the closet.

"Close the door." Unexpected. Adrenaline pulses in her body while she follows his request. Jason gets closer to her, staring in her eyes.

"Why are you ignoring me, Jay?"

"I heard you and Roy talking in your room. I... because of what you said, I thought you didn't wanted my presence."

She furrows. This doesn't make any sense. She literally said she loved him, and... oh.

"What exactly did you heard, Jason?" She feels the corner of her mouth moving up. They were so, so stupid.

"You said you hated me." His voice trembles, and she can't help the big smile in her face. He seems confused by her unsettling reaction, and she is fast in the explanation.

"Haven't Batman given you the lesson about not believing in things out of context, Jay?"

"I guess 'I hate him' is a pretty complete phrase."

She takes his hand, bringing it to her lips, kissing his knuckles. He shivers at her touch; at how much he misses it.

"Jason. You're the second dumbest person I know. And second because, I am, without doubts, the first place."

She guides him till his bed, crossing fingers, making him seat.

"I love you." His head, low between his shoulders, rise so fast he almost felt dizzy. "What?"

She leans closer to him, whispering in his ear; "I love you, Jason Todd. I do it for a while."

"So why did you left-"

"Because I thought you only desired my body. Roy had to tell me the truth." He tilts his head to the side, mouth mere inches from hers. He looks at her pretty lips, and he wants to kiss it again and again. The whole night. And then wake up at her side, the way it should have been since the beginning, and kiss it again.

"I love you, too."

"I know. I finally know."

He kisses her, uncaring about Roy being in the apartment. The sucker knew till the beginning. Now, they'll do it the right way. She'll stay here, with him, and sleep tangled in his sheets, as he fantasized with a million times.

And tomorrow, Jason will thanks Roy for being such a reckless ass in that mission, which leaded to that stupid joke. Stupid because she's way more than that.

He didn't lost the one he wants to be loved by. He breaks the kiss to smile, and stares at her in disbelief.

[beyondspaceandstars]

A Simple Housewife

Relationship: Mob!Bucky Barnes x Reader AU Warnings: non-graphic violence, angst Summary: Mob!AU - A new member starts getting too friendly with you one night, forcing Bucky to show a side of himself you’ve never seen before. And possibly never want to see again.  A/N: in my list of favorite AUs right under soulmate!au is mob!au........idk why i can’t explain it but I love it it’s such good content. and i realized well i can contribute to it as a genre so here I am lmao. (also, for reference, the work contains college-age peter parker - i aged him up fyi)

Masterlist

You liked how you two worked as a team. Bucky liked to hold meetings at your home, and you liked to host them. It was an unspoken agreement every time he’d come home and rattle off who was going to be around the next night.

These instances always sent you into a frenzy, but a good kind of frenzy. It gave you something to do. While a simple housewife per your husband’s request, these events meant you could fill your days planning menus, table settings, wine pairings, grocery shopping… It was therapeutic in some ways and even nicer knowing it would be appreciated.

His men loved to fawn over your perfectly cooked food or premium hand-picked wine and you simply adored it. While it sometimes rubbed Bucky the wrong way seeing you all giggly over compliments from other men, he typically let it slide. It was never very serious and certainly never went beyond sweet comments. You embraced your hosting duties while pretending to ignore the conversations that would go on in the next room after the meal, much to Bucky’s content.

The night had started like any other. Bucky came home the previous day and told you there was going to be a meeting tomorrow night and to expect to host ten of his men. That seemed like such a smaller crowd than he normally had over, so you inquired, curious.

"Only ten?" You asked, already rushing to grab your pen and paper for the planning.

Bucky nodded, leaning against the counter. "Yeah, we’ve got someone new coming on and I don’t want to overwhelm him."

"A new guy?" Your eyes lit up. "You mean someone who hasn’t tasted my lasagna?"

Your husband couldn’t hold back the chuckle at your innocent awe. Moments like these made him wonder how someone so warm could ever deal with someone like him. 

You weren’t totally clueless about his career, you knew at least a general description of what he did for a living, but, on the other hand, you hadn’t ever seen it. You roughly knew there were… multiple sides to him but those all seemed so distant, so pointless, at the time. In this home, with you, he was just Bucky. Your Bucky. Your husband. The one who showered you with love and appreciation.

"Yes, doll," your husband confirmed. "There’s someone who hasn’t had your famous lasagna."

"Wonderful!" You clapped and started writing out the menu. "Are there any requests? I certainly don’t want to mess anything up. God forbid the new guy thinks I’m a bad host or something."

You heard Bucky sigh as you continued making your notes. A hand came to your shoulder softly, halting your actions. You turned to face your husband, who was looking down at you with a soft smile, easing your worries nearly completely.

"Everything is going to be just fine," he said, placing a loving kiss on your forehead. You helplessly melted into the touch. "There’s nothing to worry about."

***

You were running around the kitchen like a mad man when Bucky came home the next night with a couple of men already following behind. He called out to greet you like some cheesy sitcom entrance. You force yourself to halt your panic, knowing it was in your best interest to go greet him and the first guests. Smoothing out your apron, you double-checked nothing would explode in flames upon your absence and made your way to the foyer.

"Hi, honey," you smiled as your eyes landed on your well-dressed, sophisticated-looking husband. For all the time spent together, he never did fail to make you swoon simply by just standing there.

"Hey, doll." Bucky matched your smile and gave you a kiss on the cheek knowing you would stress even more if he dared to smudge your lipstick.

When you two parted, your eyes wandered over your husband’s shoulder to the two men standing in front of the door. The one staring at you two exchanging welcomes you recognized right away as your husband’s right-hand-man Steve. Ever so strong and important looking.

But the boy standing next to Steve was a mystery. He was a bit smaller than them both but still had some height on you. This didn’t take away, though, from this timid look. He gazed around your home seeming so in awe of it all. He didn’t realize you were staring at him until Steve nudged him.

Bucky picked up on your curiosity and immediately jumped into introductions. Motioning towards the boy, "This is Peter. He’s the new member I was telling you about."

"Oh, of course," You smiled, outstretching your hand. Peter accepted the shake, a little on the enthusiastic side. "Very nice to meet you."

"It’s very nice to meet you too, Mrs. Barnes." The boy responded, holding slightly too much eye-contact, but you couldn’t blame him.

Your hands disconnected and you chuckled at the formalities, waving a hand in dismissal. You told him to call you by your first name. "The whole misses thing feels so serious," you insisted.

Peter just smiled, a twinkle in his eyes almost. He seemed to relax at your casualness. After the introductions, you led the men into the front room, offering up drinks and hors d’oeuvres. They helped themselves as you started to make your way back to the kitchen. For some reason, you decided to look back at the group. Your eyes met Peter’s immediately. The other men didn’t seem to notice, engrossed in some conversation as they poured their beverages. You simply smiled at the boy and headed back to the food.

It wasn’t too long after the first arrivals that the rest of the members started arriving. You didn’t have time to personally greet them all but Bucky assured you that was never necessary. You two had your own things to run, he liked to joke.

With everything places — food, silverware, centerpieces — you called the men into the dining room. They oohed and awed at the spread of lasagna, bread, veggies… All food groups were represented, you thought. As predicted, they began praising you for the meal as if it was the first time in their life that they’d ever eaten and it made you giggle. These were some of the toughest people you’d ever known and yet a simple baking dish of pasta and sauce could amaze them.

Once everyone was seated and digging in, you took your seat at the other end of the table, directly across from Bucky. As you began passing around the bread, you surprisingly found Peter sitting next to you.

"They made you sit down at this end?" You asked, handing him the breadbasket. Usually, the members dreaded sitting near the wife. While they were all so kind, in moments like these, they’d rather be at the other end looking so important.

"New guy," Peter shrugged, taking a piece of bread and moving it along.

"I thought this meeting was, like, for you," you said, cutting into the slice of lasagna one of the other men were so kind to serve you.

"No," he shook his head, beginning to eat. "At least that’s not how Mr. Barnes described it. Doesn’t matter, though. It’s just nice to be here."

You smiled, delighted by his optimism, having not seen many new members in your time with Bucky. "I hope the foods okay. I got nervous when Bucky said there’d be someone new coming around."

Peter scoffed as if finding your worry crazy which eased your mind a little. He took another bite of food. "This is easily one of the best meals I’ve had in a long time."

"Thank you, Peter," you said, taking a sip of your wine. Peter copied your motion, looking at you above the wine glass rim as he sipped.

"You did everything, yeah?" He asked, holding his wine while motioning towards the tables and surroundings. "Foods, plates, all of it?"

You nodded, probably coming off a bit more eager than you should’ve, but you couldn’t help yourself. Sure, Bucky’s guests loved to compliment your cooking but no one ever acknowledged the other pieces put into the meal.

"I try to change the table setting every season," you said, "and I like the food to be seasonal, too. There are some lovely markets around and I just adore browsing them… Oh! And the centerpieces, I got the flowers there, too…"

Your rambling died down as you caught Bucky staring at you from the other end of the table. One guy was trying to talk his ear off but he seemed interested in your conversation. Curiously, you started eying your husband back as you picked at your food. His face held an unreadable expression but, eventually, his eyes left yours and were now more focused on the one sitting next to you.

Appearing oblivious, Peter continued the conversation. "Well, I think the flowers are a nice touch," he said. "Pretty flowers picked by a pretty girl."

Your heart skipped a little at that comment. You couldn’t ignore the fact it was quite bold. While you were away of the gazes you got sometimes and the possibility you were talked about behind the scenes but to say it here? At the dinner table? With your husband just in earshot?

But at the same time, you had to consider, he was nice and probably just trying to butter you up hoping for a good word put in with the bossman. There was no doubt people thought they could get to Bucky through you but, in reality, you didn’t stick your hands in any of it. Nope, you just married into it.

Not completely sure how to respond, you simply accepted the compliment, "Well, thank you. That’s very sweet."

Peter smiled at your words, looking a bit proud of himself. You turned back to your plate and tried to eat your meal in silence.

Once everyone was finished, the group started making their way out of the dining room. You shooed them, promising to be out with coffee in a bit.

You were deep into cleaning, having finally carried all the dishes from the dining room to the kitchen when someone entered.

At first, you didn’t explicitly hear them as the faucet was running heavy from your battle of scrubbing dishes. Suddenly, you could sense a presence right behind you at the sink. Turning around, you nearly jumped out of your skin as you came face-to-face with Peter, looking almost amused at scaring you. You were surprised and also… not surprised.

"Sorry," you let out a breathy chuckle. "I didn’t hear you come in."

"That’s okay," he said and motioned towards the dirty plates lining the counter. "Do you need any help?"

"Oh," you frowned. "Shouldn’t you be in the meeting with everyone else?

He shook his head, "Mr. Barnes doesn’t want to start until he’s had coffee."

"Well, you can let him know it’s brewing away," you said, trying to keep your tone serious as you could. You turned back to the sink, praying he got the hint.

He hadn’t, you realized, as Peter came around to stand at your side, leaning against the counter. He stood, arms crossed, watching you.

It was weird — actually, this entire situation was weird. You didn’t think anyone but you or your husband had been in this kitchen before let alone actually know where it was in your home.

Despite how odd you found it, the last thing you wanted to be was rude. You didn’t want to think about what could ensue from your husband losing a guy.

"It’s kind of sad, Mrs. Barnes," Peter crossed his arms, seemingly ignoring your previous request to call you by your first name. You glanced at him, confused. "You’re so kind to do all this and none of them even offer to help you clean up."

"Oh, no, It’s okay-,"

"It’s really sad," He repeated, completely cutting off your attempt at a defense. You frowned and went back to cleaning the plates, praying your attempt to ignore him would encourage him to walk out. There was a weird feeling growing in your gut.

"Such a pretty girl shouldn’t have to do so much," Peter said, softly. "It’s not fair to you."

And that’s when you felt it. His hand slowly came up to rest on your lower back. You immediately tensed under his touch, mind spinning. What the hell had you ended up in? Should you have tried harder to get him out? Gosh, but he seemed so harmless-

His hand started inching upward and then back down, creeping a little lower each time with the motion. With your stance frozen, all you could do was focus on the soapy water in the sink, unsure of your next move. He took the hesitance as a chance to close the gap between you two. A few more shifts and he could have you fully pressed against the sink.

But before you could even ponder about his next move, the swinging kitchen door busted open. You both flinched at the sudden noise but Peter didn’t seem to move. You looked over to find it was Bucky in the doorway, gun drawn and pointed directly at Peter.

Your heart sank when you saw the weapon. Sure, you knew there was weaponry stored in the home but you had never definitely seen it. You could sometimes make out outlines of guns in suit pockets but now you were on the other end of one. While it wasn’t meant for you, with your poor positioning, a single shot and you could be taken down. And by your husband-

"What the fuck are you doing?" Bucky finally spoke, never taking his eyes off the person nearly towering over you. The gun was very steady, just like his words. But everything else about him was unlike anything you’d ever witnessed before. His eyes were dark, his features so harsh. This felt like a man you had never seen before.

"We were just talking," Peter answered. His voice was casual but you could feel a slight tremor in his hand. Or maybe that was just your body shaking uncontrollably. You couldn’t tell. "I offered to help her clean up."

Bucky cocked the gun. "Get your hands off her."

"Honey," you spoke softly, your voice slightly cracking from the tears that were beginning to form. "Please put the gun down."

"Not until he gets his hands off you, doll."

"Bucky, please." He wouldn’t look at you. He was determined to look beyond you and it scared you to death.

"You have five seconds to back away from her," Bucky took a step closer. "Or I’ll be forced to mess up my girl’s lovely kitchen."

You gasped at the sharpness in his voice, the entire darkness of it all. You started begging under your breath, hoping whoever or whatever heard the helpless prayers.

Finally, after what felt like hours to you, Peter stepped away from you. You turned to look back at the copy water where your hands were still submerged. They shook as you removed them and you let out a breath you hadn’t even realized you were holding.

Regaining some composure, you backed away from the sink and turned to your husband. Bucky still had the gun pointed at Peter, completely focused on him. Slowly, you approached him, your hands raised as if surrendering. You just needed to get the gun put away and then you could run to your room for some solitude. Fuck the other people probably oblivious, just relaxing and joking in your front room. This was typical business for them, they probably encountered your husband’s dark demeanor day in and day out, but this was going to take a toll on you.

"Honey, his hands are off of me," you whispered, slowly tiptoeing closer. "Put down the gun."

"He put his hands on you, doll," Bucky was answering you but he somehow sounded so distant, so consumed. "I let someone into this house that was going to do God knows what to you."

"No, no," you shook your head and you meant it. You didn’t think Peter was totally malicious. Just someone with a crush, high off excitement in a new place. "I really don’t think he meant harm."

"You’re too kind," Bucky scoffed. "You’re too kind, too innocent, too naive-,"

He held the gun stronger, seemingly preparing to shoot any second now. You were at the end of your rope with the realization. The waterworks were flowering uncontrollably now.

"James," you said, anger breaking through the tears. He seemed to freeze ever so slightly at your usage of his first name. "You really want to do this in front of your wife?"

Something clicked. You could feel it, you knew it. He didn’t answer and instead slowly lowered the weapon, placing it on the counter. Your husband turned to you. Seeing his opportunity, Peter sped past you two out of the kitchen. Neither of you really registered it. You were staring at one another, watching each other even begin to realize what had happened.

Now you were actually clueless. Were you meant to talk about this? Or did you just deal with it in time? The silence was killer but all your mind could focus on was the coffee machine that had gone silent, telling you it was done brewing. It was such a stupid, random thing to even focus on but you felt like your brain would explode if gave anything else the time of day.

"The coffee is ready for your meeting," you said, pulling off your apron and throwing it on the counter. Bucky watched you as stormed out of the kitchen, looking completely stunned and equally clueless.

You sat at your vanity in the bedroom. Thankfully you were able to avoid the front room, having no desire for anyone to see you in with mascara running down your cheeks.

You furiously scrubbed off your make-up despite it already almost off from the tears. Your emotions were just all over the place at this point. You didn’t know if you were angry, surprised, sad…

Mostly, you realized, you felt dumb. You could parade around being a little housewife, pretending she lived a normal life with a normal husband who had a normal job but that just wasn’t it. That wasn’t your reality in this moment. As much as you knew what his career entailed, seeing it up close like that was a whole new level. You thought you knew. You thought you knew so much.

You were just finishing changing out of your dress when the bedroom door opened. In the mirror, your angry eyes met Bucky’s worried ones. He entered slowly, shutting the door behind him. Part of you was pleased with this situation. He chose to check on you, pausing his meeting, but at the same time, you didn’t know if you could deal with anyone right now.

"How are you doing?" He finally spoke up, voice cutting through the tension.

You scoffed, "I just saw my husband pull a gun on a person in our fucking home."

Bucky shook his head and made his way over to the bed, where he sat at the edge, facing you. He wanted to get at you for swearing but much worse things had happened tonight that he didn’t know the point in it. Bucky never wanted to bring anything like that home.

He didn’t take care of that kind of "business" in this house. The meetings were routine, typically check-ins, but any deals or assignments were handled off the premises in fear of something turning ugly. He just wanted to keep you from that ugly. His sweet, soft wife who got excited over making lasagna and picking apples at the farmer’s market was never meant to be thrown into any of this. Especially not in the kind of way that just went down.

"I didn’t mean for that to happen," Bucky said. You rolled your eyes and turned quickly in your chair to face him. He ignored your attitude. "He had his hands on you. He was practically on top of you. Do you understand that? Please tell me you understand how that would make me angry."

"God, Bucky, you pulled a gun on an unarmed person!" You exclaimed. "I understand you were upset, I completely get that, but what… What was that? Who was that?"

His head tilted, confused, questioning. You shook your head in disbelief. Did he not even realize the mode he went into? The whole other person he seemed to encompass in those few minutes?

"You… you weren’t yourself," you mumbled and averted your gaze to your fingers which were fidgeting, restless. "You were scary. Disconnected. I didn’t know that person."

Bucky didn’t say anything at first. He got up from the bed and walked over to where you were seated at your vanity. He crouched down, trying to get you to look at him. Your heart pounded furiously at his close presence.

"You shouldn’t have seen that," He said. "You shouldn’t have seen any of that, doll."

His hands came to grasp yours. You wanted to pull away but you weren’t fast enough. He gripped your hands firmly as if scared you were going to vanish. Your head was swimming with even more confusion as he avoided your questioning.

"Can you even explain yourself?" You asked, finally looking up at him. Bucky’s worry seemed to have melted away and was replaced by something you once again couldn’t put your finger on.

He shook his head. The grip on your hands got tighter. "You have to understand when things come up I must act accordingly."

You didn’t understand but you had to understand. You knew you did. He was right. While jarring, that other side of Bucky did exist out there and he was probably the reason he could be so successful. And while that was something you could work on accepting, you didn’t want to see it in your home.

But for now, you didn’t want to deal with it. Emotions for you both were running high and there was no telling what could come out of your mouth anymore. You’d come back to it and work it out. There was no way you could avoid it. You didn’t think you could ever be scrubbed clean of what you saw.

"Okay," you mumbled and felt his hold on your hands loosen. "Just… Please don’t bring your work home for the time being. We can discuss this in the morning."

Bucky nodded, running his hand from your hands to your shoulder, lovingly. He mumbled okay and you sighed in relief.

For a second you wanted to just sit there, engrossed in the comfort his touch was bringing, completely and fully enjoy that you had your Bucky back, but then your brain remembered the people downstairs.

"Oh, honey," you said, "the guys are probably waiting for you."

"No," Bucky’s head shook. "I sent them home. You’re more important."

You melted at the words. Yes. Confirmed. Your Bucky was back to you. The man you loved and gave everything. He was putting you first.

"You didn’t need to do that," you mumbled, bashfully. Bucky chuckled at your reaction.

"Of course I did," he insisted. "I was worried. I never wanted you to see that. You didn’t sign up for that."

"No, Bucky, I really didn’t," you shook your head.

He sighed, "And I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

You looked down again, suddenly worried you were putting too much guilt on him but at the same time, that felt silly to even consider. You weren’t sure anymore. The day was overwhelming as the minutes continued.

"Could we just go to bed now?"

Bucky removed his hands from your shoulders and stood, allowing you to get out of the chair and make your way to the bed, under the fluffy comforter. Your husband watched, waiting until you were comfortable.

"I’ve got a few phone calls to make but then I’ll come to bed, okay?"

You nodded, eyes shut already halfway into your dream world. You heard Bucky chuckle as he turned out the lights and shut the door quietly.

You lulled yourself to sleep, head still spinning from the earlier acts. The whiplash your husband gave you was starting to catch up but how much more could you think about it? It’d come back and you’d have to deal but for now, you could pretend. At least while you slept, you could go back to putting that distance between yourself and any side of Bucky that wasn’t husband Bucky. For just a bit, you could pretend you didn’t know so much.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

taglist note: i chose not to tag in this work b/c it is an AU and was unsure if people were comfortable with being tagged in such.

[kimthwariru]

Namjoon reaction—calling him a ‘friend’ when he clearly has a thing for you

❀genre: smut, a bit of fluff

❀collage au

(This was originally supposed to be a quick reaction but something happened to me and I couldn’t stop writing)

“Look, Jisoo, I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong” you flash a cheeky smile at your best friend. She’s being going on and on about how this Kim Namjoon guy had a thing for you.

You can’t lie, you’ve seen him around in campus and sometimes you’d wish he would suffocate you with these thighs of his. Ugh. The perfect combo, lean yet masculine physique with a brain that actually functions for a change. You’ve seen the way these collage girls were circling him around and you can’t blame them, the guy was a catch.

But he was not your crowd of people. He was outgoing, social and had loads of what you like to call “the lad friends”. You guessed his main activities were partying and getting shitfaced every night.

You’ve talked to him a couple of times. He uses the same bench as you to read now and then. You would eventually take sneak peeks at the books he was reading, check if he had any taste or not, and the result was always better than what you expected. This guy knew books. He was not just reading what was on the best seller’s that week to look sophisticated in front of others.

When he caught you peaking he’d started having small talk with you. You swear you’ve never experienced a better conversation flow with another human being. This guy screamed comfort. He seemed genuinely curious about the things you were saying. None of that painful act of pretending to be interested just because he wanted to get laid. You had been talking with him for a month straight and aside from a few moments of some what flirty looks his actions never suggested something more.

His aura was welcoming and he always paid attention to the little things. Unlike some other shallow guys out there, he felt…different.

But how different could he really be? You’ve seen the people he hangs out with. Kim Taehyung? He had a relationship with three girls at the same time. Didn’t even apologize for being the biggest jerk in history. You’ve heard Jung Hoseok’s body count was reaching a 3 digit number AND Jeon Jungkook once fucked 4 different girls at the same night.

Just thinking about it makes you sick. It pains you to admit but there’s only one truth to this. Even if Kim Namjoon was interesting, he was definitely a person you needed to stay away from. All the data point to a big fuckboy alert!

“Come on y/n…. If he wasn’t even in the slightest interested in you then why did he tell me explicitly that he wanted you to attend the party??”

“An invitation to a party doesn’t mean anything. Besides, I’m sure I’m not his style. Have you seen the type of girls he hangs out with? Yikes.”

Jisoo smirked at you “Oh, I see you’re stalking him now?”

You shake your head “Don’t be ridiculous! We take Econ together, that’s all. What? Am I supposed to cover my eyes every time I see him?”

“Maybe you should” Jisoo came closer to you “Y/n, we’re going to that party”

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

“This is a big mistake, I’ll get bored within the hour” You scream at Jisoo over the loud music.

“Don’t be a whiney ass and enjoy yourself for once” she handed you a drink.

Enjoy yourself for once. You and Jisoo’s definition of enjoying one self were clearly very different. You scan the room to look for any familiar faces you could talk to. Unfortunately, not a lot of your acquaintances attended frat parties.

Your head motion immediately pauses when you meet eyes with Namjoon across the garden. Was he looking at you this whole time? You feel your cheeks burn.

Initially, you don’t know how to react but eventually you flash him a small smile and focus back on Jisoo

“Kim Namjoon just gave me the biggest stare of all time” you say as you down your drink

“What!?” Jisoo’s eyes widened “This is the time where I say I told you so.”

You think for a second that maybe Jisoo was right all along. But that just makes the whole thing more dangerous for you. You can’t lie, Namjoon is attractive, but you knew he was trouble. Maybe he liked you today and then liked another girl tomorrow.

Suddenly, you feel a hand touch your shoulder “Hey y/n, Jisoo. Glad you guys made it” Namjoon’s low voice pierced your ears.

Jisoo gave you a look before replying to him “Hey!! We couldn’t miss such a night!” She smiled “right y/n??”

“Yeah!! Totally” you cheer kind of awkwardly.

Namjoon’s eyes fixed on you. You felt his stare eat you up. His whole presence felt angelic yet overwhelming. “Do you guys maybe want to join us? We’re sitting right by the pool”

“Oh! Sure, why not!” Jisoo answered almost immediately

You were walking towards the pool, Namjoon was pacing right next to you, he was so close to the point where you could sort of smell his cologne. You swear you could get drunk off his scent.

“I have to be honest, I didn’t think you’d actually come” He chuckled

“Are you disappointed?” You teased and raised an eyebrow.

You see a dimple smile making its appearance, how can this dude be so incredibly hot and cute at the same time? “I think pleasantly surprised would be the right way to put it”

Why do you feel like you can not breath? He hasn’t said much, yet you feel yourself burn up all of a sudden. “Good to know” you smile back.

“Joon! You have to see this” was the first thing Taehyung yelled when you arrived to the place where the guys were sitting “12 o’clock, Hobi making out with Mina from 3rd year. Can you believe it? After two years of trying to get it, he finally succeeds”

Of course the main talk is girls. No surprise there.

“Jungkook bitch, you owe me 20 bucks” Taehyung eyed Jungkook

Your expression screamed disgust. Apparently, Namjoon noticed “They are not as bad as they seem” he elbowed you.

You give him and awkward laugh “I’ll take your word for it” You lie.

“Guys, this is Jisoo and y/n. Can you stop trying to head lock each other and say hello? You’re embarrassing me” Namjoon introduced the pair of you to the boys who were still arguing about the bet. 

“Oh, hey girls.” Taehyung paused to inspect Jisoo’s face. “Hey, business and shipping? Ain’t it?”

“Oh, yeah, right!” Jisoo smiled

“Hyung aren’t you taking that class for like the third time? How many times can you fail you recon?” Jungkook teased him and Taehyung answered by giving him a slap on the shoulder.

“Hey y/n, do you want to go grab a drink? I think you’ll need it if you are to tolerate these guys” Namjoon offered.

“I trust you know best” you smile and quickly follow behind him. His shoulders wide and his muscles very visible even through his airy shirt. This guy was a whole statue.

“By the way, I’ve never seen you at parties before. I think I saw you once at the December ball but that’s about it. Not really a big fan of these kind of things, are you?” He suddenly said. You can’t really decode his words. How did Kim Namjoon know you even went to the December ball? You’re pretty sure you didn’t even talk to him that night.

“Interested in me much?” You give him a cheeky smile but he was just looking at you, a couple of seconds passed without him responding “I’m only joking! It’s true I don’t really attend these sort sort of things.”

“And what do you do for fun miss y/n?” He laughs and you swear if you could bottle the sound and get drunk on it you would.

“Oh you’ll think I’m lame”

“Try me” he said in a serious tone while starring right through your eyes. Suddenly, your body felt too heavy for your legs to bear. How can he get to you like that?

“Okay…” You start, him looking at you like that didn’t help control your train of thought, but you manage to get a hold of yourself “So you know that little corner cafe on willow street? Every Friday they have these comedy music nights. A guy-“

“Park Jihoon and the little funny guitar, yeah! I used to go there every Friday during my freshman years! Do they still do that old thing? I swear the pun with the atom never failed to make my day.” He started laughing again.

“Whoah what? You’re telling me you’ve been to the shrieking shack?” That place was a little treasure you’d found earlier this year. It was an amazingly cozy place, perfect during the cold winter time. The staff were all so kind and wore these big oversized colorful ties. But the people going there were all much older than you. You’ve never heard someone your age talk about that place. Let alone a person like Namjoon.

“Careful how you talk to a veteran y/n. I’ve basically helped to build the place” he chuckled.

“Y/n is that you?” A familiar voice greeted you.

“Jimin! Oh my god, hey! It’s been ages since I’ve seen you!” You hug him.

Jimin was a great soul, he majored in contemporary dance and ballet. He had been traveling for the past couple of years enrolling in some extra ballet classes in the magical city of Paris. You envied him for his talent and admired him for his passion.

“Girl, you have to come visit me. You’ll love Europe!”

“I would also LOVE to have some money in my wallet” you laugh “Oh Jimin, this is my friend, Namjoon. We go to collage together”

Namjoon gave you a look and soon after shook Jimin’s hand “What’s up. Nice to meet you”

“Nice to meet you too! But y/n, I’m so so sorry, I have to go. I was actually on my way out just now. I sort of uhm, have a thing-you know” he coughed “I’m leaving in two weeks, can we please meet before that?”

You knew Jimin was probably off to his ex boyfriends house. They broke up before Jimin left for Paris but every time he got back he’d have a couple of hookups with him. “Oh yeah! I bet you’ve got something very important right now, you better go quickly” you teased him “I’ll text you tomorrow, ok?”

Jimin laughed so much his eyes were barely visible “definitely! text me! I’ll be off then! Bye mister Kim Namjoon” he playfully said and was out of your sight a second later.

“You two seem…close” Namjoon suddenly commented

“Yeah! We were! But he has been studying abroad for like two years now.”

Namjoon’s facial expression was quite enigmatic “Did you guys ever… you know”

“Oh no no no.” You pause to make a small chuckle “Jimin isn’t exactly interested in, well, girls like me, or to be exact, girls in general”

Namjoon’s eyes widened and he immediately bursted into laughter “oh… I see” he made a pause “So tell me then, how come the old soul that never goes to parties finally attends one?”

You feel your cheeks burn red. Partly because the reason you went was him. You don’t know why, but the past month you and Namjoon hit it off very well and you wanted to test Jisoo’s crazy theory, you wanted to make sure for yourself if Namjoon was interested in you or not. Now the problem was, even if it turned out he did like you, you didn’t know what you’d do exactly. Namjoon was a really nice guy, but he didn’t come without his red flags.

“Just wanted to try something different, I guess”

“And how’s that 'different' treating you so far?”

What could you possibly tell him? That you have enjoyed every minute you guys have been talking? That you think that just by staring at you he could make you feel things no other guy could? You barely can admit all of that to yourself. “I think pleasantly surprised is the right way to put it” you repeat his words from before.

You see him smile at that. “You know what y/n? I’m really happy you came”

How can he make your heart beat so fast with just one sentence? “Oh really? And why is that?”

“I don’t know, I guess… I just like talking to you, you know? Whenever I’m around you I feel at ease, like I can tell you anything. I feel different when I’m with you, but in a good way”

“Wow” that sound escaped your lips without your consent

Namjoon laughed “Why? Is it too weird?”

“No! Definitely not weird, more like, I don’t know, surprising?”

“In what way?”

“Well you’re… Kim Namjoon, you’re the 2021 class president and you’re like the most popular guy in the whole campus right now.” You made a pause “And I’m just..-“

“The most interesting girl I’ve ever met” he cuts you off

The way he was looking down at you made butterflies grow in your stomach “You really think so?”

He gently grabbed your waist and pulled you closer to him “I know so” he leaned down, you swear his eyes had the whole galaxy painted inside of them. You couldn’t even breath properly at this point. Kim Namjoon was too close and the only thing you were thinking about was how well his kiss would feel “God, you’re so beautiful” he said and pulled you in for a soft, gentle kiss.

You couldn’t believe your senses. Kim Namjoon was kissing you and you really thought the earth had stopped spinning right then and there. You could feel his big palms traveling up and down your back.

His kiss was breathless, jubilant, filled with the joy of life, and you should stop him, he is no good to you, you know that, but his scent is delightful and his lips are so warm.

Unconsciously, your hands reach the inside of his shirt. His skin hot and soft at the touch.

"y/n" he practically moans your name, and just the sound makes your knees go week "Don't do that, I don't think I'll be able to stop"

"Who said anything about stopping?" You say and go back to kiss him even more passionately this time.

“There’s a lot of people here, my room is upstairs, would you perhaps want to-“

“Yes.” You immediately say. You don’t care about anything anymore, you’d let your future self deal with the consequences of today’s actions. The only thing that has been lingering in your mind is how good he’d feel inside of you.

The moment you’re finally alone in his room, he lifts you up, swinging you around and kissing you. It was like a dream. Namjoon was everything you wanted. Your reluctance about getting with him didn’t matter any more, the tingly feeling in your stomach overtook every single bit of hesitation you had. You needed him.

“God, you’re lovely” he exhaled

He looks at you as he sinks you down on the bed. Planting a soft kiss before his hands quickly begun to peel away clothes, yanking his belt loose, fumbling hurriedly at his trousers.

You look at his lips tracing your skin and the faint moisture left behind, you look at his muscly arms as he lifts you up and sinks you down again, you look at him looking at you, with eyes brighter than the sun itself. Was this all a dream?

When your dress was finally off he undoes your bra clasp on the way down. Slowly planting kisses on your collarbone, the tops of your breasts, your sternum, and you arched you back as you were needy for more.

His lips finally reach your nipples .Your boobs smooth under his hands, your nipple firm under his tongue, and there, that makes you squirm again, a little more insistently this time.

“Fuck, I’m so fucking wet right now, I feel it” You moan

You see him raise an eyebrow. A vivid smirk painted on his face “Let’s check, shall we?”

He splays his hand low across your belly, and the first brush of his thumb over your clit makes you breathe in sharply and him forget to breathe at all.

“I’m your friend?” He breaths in, his voice dangerously low

“Oh come on” You manage to say in between moans “what was I supposed to tell Jimin?”

His strokes and flicks are light and teasing, his thumb carefully circling around your clit. He gives you a slow, constant, unyielding pressure that makes your breath come up short, makes your toes curl in the effort not to move.

“I’m gonna fuck the word ‘friend’ right out of your pretty little mouth” he covers your mouth with an intense kiss before slipping two fingers of his free hand inside of you, and you makes a noise like triumph and want all wrapped up together. If his fingers felt like this, you can’t imagine how his dick felt like.

“Hmm?” He doesn’t look up, he keeps his eyes on his hands, on you, spread out beneath him “You like that baby?”

God, just the way the word 'baby' sounded coming from his mouth could make you come right this second. You look at him, his eyes look as hungry as his voice sounded. This dude was out of this world.

“Please Namjoon, I want it, I want you inside of me right now”

Namjoon lowered his underwear, and simply pressed his hard member on your slit. You could feel his balls softly caressing your clit as he made subtle movements while kissing you. “Such a needy little thing” he teases “Tell me how bad you want my cock inside of you”

“Oh..” you moan “I’d do anything, please…give it to me… fuck me like you own me” you whined as you used your pussy to caress his length up and down. He seemed to enjoy they way you touched him.

“Fuck y/n… that feels so good” he rests his forehead on yours.

“Imagine what my inside will feel then” you whisper in his ear “I’m such a tight good girl” you move your mouth in front of his, bitting his bottom lip as he growled when he felt your movement grow faster

“Fucking hell” he immobilized your body with his hands and pressed you down to the bed. He immediately shoves his dick inside you, filing you up to the brim before staying there for a couple of seconds and then pulling out completely. That movement made your vagina crave to be filled all the way up again.

“More” you whine, a dopey expression all over your face. You were so needy of him, but you didn’t care.

He lowered his left hand towards your thigh and gave it a big squeeze, kissing you aggressively while doing so. He quickly braced himself back into you, you felt your walls completely wrap around his member. It felt magical.

His strokes long and steady in the beginning. Every time he went in and out completely you felt the pit of your stomach burn in pleasure. Namjoon was doing everything right, you can’t lie to yourself, this is the best sex you’ve ever had. Normally with other guys you don’t even come close to coming, but now, you feel yourself trying not to do so.

“You like my dick being inside of you baby?” He plants a small kiss on your neck and goosebumps run down your spine.

‘Like’ was nowhere near good enough of a word to explain how much the sensation of him thrusting his hard member in and out of you made you feel. “I love it Namjoon… I just love it…”

Your words must’ve turned Namjoon even more on, because his pace immediately started becoming faster and sloppier. Every time your skin touched a loud sound could be heard. Namjoon was thrusting deeper and deeper into you, and every time he’d fill you up completely you’d cry out his name.

“Ah, I like my name so much better when you fucking moan it like that” he says and started shoving his dick inside of you like crazy. You could tell he was close to coming, and so were you.

It wasn’t long until you felt your walls clenching and your toes curling. The sensation overtook all of your body, it was mad… your heart beat uncontrollable. Namjoon made you feel a completely new range of emotions.

“Ah y/n, I can feel you cumming all over my dick” his voice cracky, You could see how turned on he was by all of this, by you. “Fuck” he shoved harder “You’re so” harder “fucking hot”

Namjoon stopped and pulled out immediately spreading his cum all over your tummy. The sight was breathtaking, you’ve never found a man so attractive while coming before, but then, Namjoon is no ordinary man.

He quickly grabs a couple of tissues and wipes you clean before laying on top of you again, placing another soft kiss this time. His hand playing with your hair. You were both naked and sweaty and a mess but it felt so magical. You wrapped your hands around his broad shoulders, pulling him even closer to you. You didn’t want even a centimeter of distance between you and him.

He suddenly stopped kissing you and simply stared at your eyes. After a minute or two, or maybe three, you're not really sure, time didn't exist right now, he tacked a string of hair behind your left ear.

“Y/n, let me take you on a date. Please. I know you don’t normally go out with guys like me, but I swear I’ll make it worth your while-“

“Park Jihoon and the little funny guitar. How does that sound? Or are you too good for the shrieking shack now?” You chuckled

“I’d love that” he smiled, making your heart melt a little.

[randomshyperson]

Left Behind - Chapter 10 - Atlantis

Gif was made by @abimess aka wifey

Summary: The one where you lived in the apartment under the Maximoff family in Sokovia, or, your journey as a Sokovian civilian to Avenger.

Series Warnings: (+16) Violence, fighting, cursing, civil war environments, abuse of power, assault, torture, underage kissing, psychological torture, substance use, mention of assault/fighting of children, smut, kissing, teasing, insinuation of sexual and moral harassment, verbal offenses.

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Reader || platonic bucky barnes x reader, mentor!natastha romanoff and mentor!steve rogers, bruce banner x reader (friendship), pietro maximoff x reader (friendship).

Words: 3.445K

A/N> I should warn you for the angst in this one i think. Please don't hate the ending of this or the fic. Good reading you all. Also, listen to "Atlantis" by Seafret, i chose the name based on that song.

All Works Masterlist || Read on AO3 || Series Masterlist

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Chapter 10 - Atlantis

You ignore the insinuating look Pietro gives you when he sees you leaving Wanda's room in the morning.

"Not a word." You warn threateningly as he raises his arms in surrender, holding back his laughter.

You turn and go back to your room, trying not to smile like an idiot as you prepare for the mission, and failing miserably.

You try not to think about last night, or the morning after, but the feel of Wanda's lips on your skin is all that comes to mind for the next few hours.

Even during breakfast, where after she stole a kiss on your cheek in the hallway before you guys joined the Avengers, and sat beside you at the table while Steve went over some details to everyone, all you could think about was the last night. In Wanda's taste, her hands inside…

"Stop it." She warns softly at your side. Lower enough so only you can hear, and not to get in the way of the captain's speech. You blink in confusion, and then you understand. Feeling your face heat up, you look at her with a mixture of surprise and indignation.

"You can...?"

"Yes, now eat in silence please." She interrupts in the same tone, equally embarrassed as she keeps her gaze on the plate in front of her.

"Wanda?" You try next. And she mutters under her breath, and then she realizes. She rolls her eyes, and goes back to eating. You smile. "I can't believe you didn't tell me you could hear thoughts."

"It was kind of obvious don't you think?" She retorts mentally. "My whole thing is mind control."

"Your whole thing is to be the love of my life." You tease and she chokes lightly on her coffee, making you hold back a laugh as you gently touch her back. She says she's fine softly, and Steve, who had given her a worried look, goes back to talking about planning for the defenses in Sokovia.

"When this is over, I want to try a few things." You mentally tell her and Wanda looks at you quickly before turning her attention back to Steve. You imitate the movement.

"We'll leave as soon as you finish eating." Steve says already getting up. You suddenly feel anxious.

Wanda notices the way your body has tensed, and looks at you immediately.

"Hey, everything okay?" she asks tenderly. You give her a weak smile, placing your hand on her thigh. Wanda puts her hand on top of yours.

"I'm nervous."

"Me too." She confesses. "But we'll be fine. I got you."

"And I got you."

//-//-//-////-//-//-////-//-//-////-//-//-////-//-//-////-//-//-////-//-//-////-//-//-////-//-//-//

As soon as you join the jet with the rest of the Avengers, you could already feel the control serum starting to wear off.

Sighing a little, you don't even have to ask to have Wanda's hand in yours. Her eyes and fingers glow red for a moment as she helps you, before returning to normal. You mumble a thanks, resting your back against the jet's wall.

"Remember what we trained, Avengers." Announces Steve upon entering. "Removing the civilians is the support team's priority, while Clint searches for Natasha. The strike team must deal with Ultron's guards."

"Yes, captain." The team says in understanding, and then the jet is leaving.

It takes ten minutes for Pietro to start teasing you.

"I hear we had a girls night yesterday." Commented the boy out loud, attracting the attention of Bruce and Bucky, who were standing next to you. Wanda glared at her brother.

"Pietro..."

"What is it, sestra? I’m just saying.”He joked. You wondered if you could throw him off the jet from that high. "I heard that this type of activity is a great stress reliever."

You felt your face heat up, and you sank into your seat. In the next second, the rest of the team understood. Clint whistled loudly, and Tony laughed. Bruce blushed and pretended to pay attention to his boots while Bucky giggled at Steve's embarrassed expression.

"Forgive me, I'm not following the reason for the humor in this conversation." Vision commented then.

"Don’t you dare." Wanda warned when he saw Pietro raise his hand to tell Vis what was being said, and the boy laughed before ducking.

Vision watched the interaction with confusion, but it was Tony who threw his arm around him.

"They had sex, champion." Tony announced, making you grunt in embarrassment. "I can't wait for Nat to know, she owes me fifteen bucks”.

“What?” Wanda asks, confused.

"Ah, it's just that before you arrived, the golden eyes there were always talking about you." Tony counts with irony. "How much she loved and missed a certain little witch and her inconvenient brother. So we made a bet that you two would work it out. I said it would happen before you went back to Sokovia, but Natasha thought Y/N was slower and would just work it out after we’re done with Ultron."

"Thanks for the faith, Tony." You mumble awkwardly, adjusting your posture. "Now if you don't mind, can you stop talking about my life?"

The team laughs but the comments about you and Wanda stops. Until you reach Sokovia, you spend your time playing with Wanda fingers as you both lay against each other's shoulders while listening to whenever small talk the Avengers build up.

Things get tense once you reach the country.

Steve signals that you arrive and starts moving around to get read for the jet to land.

You only let go of Wanda’s hand to put your suit on and once you’re done, she’s right in front of you, smiling tenderly as she puts a jacket on.

“Are you good?” She asks.

“Yes. You?”

“Yeah.” She aswerns as she moves forward to kiss you firmly on the mouth. It relaxes your body completely, and you keep your hands on top of hers that are on your face until you break the kiss.

You wish you could care about the teasing looks the team cast to you too, but all you see is Wanda.

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You sat down quickly on the ground, your body against a wall, while trying to get your breathing back to normal.

Wanda was using her powers to get civilians out of their homes, and well, it took some of her magical attention away from you.

It didn't take long for you to be able to detect all the biological life around you again, meters and meters away, quickly feeling overwhelmed.

"How are we?" Steve asked over the communicator, probably already advancing with the rest of the team towards the former Hydra base. You looked up at the sky to get a quick glimpse of Tony flying in his suit before he vanished away.

"All right around here, Captain." Clint responded first followed by the rest of the team.

Your hesitation made Steve specifically call you, but before you could say anything, Wanda was kneeling beside you, one hand on your shoulder and the other on her communicator.

"We are good." She responded before turning her attention to you completely. You felt her magic envelop you quickly, your body relaxing. "How do you feel, dear?"

"Better now." You respond with a smile. "Thanks."

As she helped you to your feet, you noticed her worried expression, and placed a hand on her cheek.

"I'm fine Wanda, I promise."

"Just don't push too far, okay?" She asks. "You can go back to the jet whenever you want."

"I'll be okay, Wanda." You mumble. "Let's get this over with so we can go back to bed." You teases with a mischievous smile, stealing a kiss before walking away, giving her a wink before heading towards the rest of the civilians.

Ultron had better plans than this.

“We need to get everyone out of here immediately.” Tony told through the communicator. “A vibranium bomb. We don’t have time.”

“Working on it, iron boss.” You mock as you helped another family move out of their home. Just like, Pietro had already headed to police stations and hospitals to remove people from there. There was a large crowd of inhabitants heading out of town, but there were still many more.

Peace ended quickly.

Ultron activated the robot army, and they literally began to sprout from the ground.

"Bucky, we're going to need support here pal." Steve warned through the communicator while you were drawing your pistol to prevent one of the robots from advancing on you.

"On my way, cap." The soldier warned. "Just don't tell my therapist."

You and the team laughed lightly as you fought. The whole thing getting bigger and bigger every minute.

Wanda covered for you while you guided people out, but it was becoming untenable.

So, as soon as she tore apart the small group of Ultron’s army that was surrounding you two, you called her.

"You can't keep babysitting me , this is getting too bad." You warned, your voice almost muffled by the length of the fight. The robots flying above you, and Thor and Vision facing them in the sky.

"I won't leave you." She insisted seriously and you swallowed hard.

"Wanda..."

“End of discussion.”

“You are cute and all, it's just that we have a situation here. Mind getting back into the fight?" Natasha's voice interrupted the moment over the radio, sounding amused and teasing. You sighed with relief when you realized she was okay, and you exchanged one last look with Wanda before going back to fighting. “By the way, Tony said I lost the bet.”

“Please don’t bring this back.” You ask Natasha, that just laughs before hanging off, not without teasing you about being proud of you for making a move.

The ground shook beneath your feet, making it difficult for you to keep your balance.

"Guys, what's going on?" You asked through the communicator.

Sokovia is going for a ride.

Friday tells the whole team. You gasp in surprise, looking around.

The ground is breaking apart, and the city is rising into the air. You don't need your powers to know that not all buildings are empty. The debris will end up hurting someone.

And even with all that, the advances of Ultron's army get even worse.

You barely have time to duck before Wanda rips apart a robot that attacked you.

Clint catches up with you two the next second.

"We need to regroup, Tony needs us back there." He warns you. You frown.

"Not a chance, there are civilians all over the place." You say, moving quickly to fire at the machines that have appeared behind you.

"Well, we need the offensive back at the church." He counters. "That's where the bomb is."

"You two go then." You say when you finish shooting. Wanda, who has just destroyed three machines at once, turns to you in indignation.

"No."

But you don't look at her, you look at the blue flash figure approaching.

“Hey Peete, do you mind?” You shouted to him as he stopped next to you two. He nods at you before picking Wanda up, who has no time to complain. He teases Clint "Keep up, old man." before disappearing at high speed, making you laugh.

Clint looks at you.

“Are you sure?”

"It's my job to protect them.”

“The Maximoff or the civilians?” He mocks, making you roll your eyes.

“Go, Barton.”

It doesn't take long for your biological detection to come back.

You think you're going to pass out. But you take a deep breath, and stumble among cars and wrecking machines.

Calm down. You remember Wanda's soft voice in the glass room. The feel of her fingers on your skin. Calm down, I'm here. You can do this.

"I can do this." You mutter to yourself, trying to keep your balance.

You find a horde around the corner, almost close enough to a group of civilians coming out of the municipal hospital.

Ignoring the feeling of being overwhelmed at being able to feel the fear and despair of those people, you advance with the pistol in your hand.

The machines were destroyed, but not by you.

"You took your time, Barnes." You tease with a wry smile, rushing to help the civilians, feeling their superficial wounds before helping them. Bucky smiles and shrugs, a rifle in his hand as he gives you cover to help the population.

"Two minutes out here and I'm already missing my retirement." He comments as he fires, making you laugh, a bit breathless due your powers. Bucky notices right the way. "Are you all right?"

"I'm just considering retiring too after here." You retort by standing up again, helping the little girl who had bruises on her forehead to join the rest of the family. She smiles in thanks, but you're already walking away again, your head pounding from how many people you can feel at once.

You stumble around the rubble to the front of the municipal hospital. Ignoring the memories you have of the whole neighborhood, you try to focus on some group.

"Y/N, I think there are kids coming out of that corner!" Bucky unnecessarily warns you because you've already felt them.

You recognize Church clothes that the adults leading the group wear. They are coming from the Orphanage where you grew up.

You run to catch up to them, and it's the first time you've really noticed Ultron's cruelty. It's a horde that arises, and they notice you right away. The machine in front follows your gaze to the small group, and it has a chance to shoot only you, but it turns its mechanical hand, and aims directly at the kids.

You widen your eyes, feeling your heart race.

"NO!"

Something explodes in your chest. Everything turns golden before returning to normal color. You can’t see the golden wave that reaches the group because there’s a pain in the back of your head that makes you close your eyes tightly.

The robot fired, but if it weren't for the gunshot marks on the robes, no one would know as none of the civilians had any injury. The kids were wide-eyed, and you fell to your knees.

Bucky shot the machines before looking at you in amazement.

"How did you do that? They were practically a street away." He asked in shock, watching the nuns guide the kids to cover quickly, just as in shock as he was. Your lack of response alarmed him and he turned to face you quickly, touching your shoulder. "Y/N, you're bleeding..."

"I know." You grunt weakly, taking a deep breath as you lean on Bucky to get up. "Let 's keep going."

You wiped the blood running from your nose with your hand, but ignored the wet sensation in your ears. Bucky hesitated.

"No, you're not okay." He insisted. "Let's go back..."

"Let go of me, Bucky." You exclaimed angrily, pulling his hands away. "I heal, don't I? I'll be fine. Let's keep going."

"Y/N..."

But you are already walking. You can feel all the injured, and you need to keep going.

You help at least two more groups to shelter, until you're resting your hands on your knees and trying to stay on your foot.

You see your blood dripping to the ground, and you hear Bucky's footsteps approaching, so you wipe your face quickly while disguising the way your head is spinning.

"This isn't working Y/N." He says as he looks around at the wreckage. "These things seem to grow out of the ground, and there's no end to them. The city is too high right now and these people have nowhere to go."

You were going to agree with him, but something in the sky caught your eye.

"I think that's their ride." You say while pointing straight ahead.

It's a gigantic ship, flowing alongside the city. You and Bucky exchange a look, before he uses the communicator to confirm that this was a good thing.

With Shield providing shelter for civilians, you started running to help evacuate people from the floating capital of Sokovia.

Your head was spinning, and your feet were about to give up, but you forced yourself to continue.

Your body is shaking when you turn to help a boy who cut his leg.

"Ty angel, devochka? (are you an angel, lady?)" He asks, scared when you heal him and you give a weak laugh.

"Net, ya Avenger. (no, I’m an Avenger.)"

The wound isn't that big, but it's enough to rob the air of your lungs. Bucky guides the boy with the rest of the group back to the ship, and you can barely stand, your stomach turning.

You force yourself to get up. Just a bit longer.

Lifting your hand to your ear, you call out to Wanda while leaning on the car beside you so you don't fall to the ground.

"Wands?" You say wait for her to respond. She sounds worried when she says your name, but you just sigh. "Babe, when this is over, I'm taking you out on a date. Like the cliches we've never done before, okay?"

"Why are you talking like this?" She asked, scared. You can hear the background noises, the way she was probably keeping the bomb safe but facing Ultron's army. "Where are you?"

"I think we should try Disneyland too. Americans seem to love that." You continue as you begin to walk again. One hand on the tech inside your ear and the other in the wound in your belly, formed while you faced the last horde of robots, not healing anymore. "You would like a candlelight date with wine and music, wouldn’t you?"

"Please tell me where you are, I'll come to you." She begs through the radio and you smile before hanging up.

You saw Clint run further to the town.

You take a deep breath, rushing to catch up. You also see the jet Ultron stole rounding the city towards them, the rifles outside ready to aim.

That's why Clint ran there, to save one of the civilians left behind, you notice as you see the little boy on your friend's arm.

You try to do what you did before. Project your healing magic to them to keep them protected, but as you lift your hands to do that, all you feel is a sharp twinge in the middle of your chest and you almost fall to the ground.

Fine, I'll heal them myself. You think impatiently as you ignore your own limit and run.

You are almost there. But so is Ultron. If you stay up front, you think you can protect Clint and the civilian, you'd heal later, no problem.

“I’m gonna win.”

You widen your eyes in surprise when Pietro whispers in your ear, disappearing in his speed the next moment.

No. Don't do this.

You feel the shots before you hear them. You feel it through Pietro's body, who stepped forward to protect Clint.

You throw yourself forward, desperate.

You reach Pietro the second his heart stops beating.

"Piete?" You call to him as he falls into your lap. You can feel the air disappearing from his lungs, life fading away "Hey buddy, don't do that. Pietro! Please..."

You bury your face in his chest, trying to hear something. Anything. You press your hands against his chest next, then his face.

"Don't die on me, Pietro." You beg with a sob. You force your magic in despair. No matter how much it hurts, Pietro cannot die. He just can't.

You can only remember the skinny little boy running with you in your childhood. Laughing with you on the roof. Teaching you to fight.

Your tears mix up with your blood.

"Captain, we have a problem." Clint announces at your side.

No.

I'm not giving up.

You grunt in pain as you press your hands hard on Pietro's chest, your veins popping with a golden light. You're not dying on me.

Something starts to pulse in your head. Loud enough to completely disorient you. Your eyes are heavy, and you choke on your own blood coming out of your mouth.

You smile because you can feel the air returning to your friend's lungs at the same rate as it leaves yours.

When Pietro breathes again, your eyes close.

/-//-//-//-////-//-//-//-////-//-//-//-////-//-//-//-///-//-//-//-////-//-//-//-////-//-

Tag List> @imapotatao / @aimezvousbrahms/ @ensorcellme/ @helloalycia || @mionemymind / @abimess / @stephanieromanoff / @yourtaletotell / @tomy5girls / @justagaypanicking / @thegayw1tch / @idek-5 // @myperfectlovepoem // @helloalycia // @ENSORCELLME // @AIMEZVOUSBRAHMS // @drpepperobsessed // @sighsam // @olsensnpm // @sxfwap // @table57 // @madamevirgo // @causeitswhatjesuswouldfreakingdo // @emptysince18x // @xastrydx || @yuhloversxx || @ymzki-haruki || @wouldirunofftheworldsomeday || @lostandsearching || @lezzzbehonesthere || @musicinourlips || @chaekhan || @diaryoflife || @cristin-rjd

[latenitetea]

what a shame it would be - rodrick heffley

in which rodrick takes a few too many shots...

cw: underage drinking, swearing

word count: 3,228

~~~

Great victories deserve great parties.

That was the way of thinking at Crossland High School when it came to homecoming. After weeks of anticipation from the entire student body, the Crossland football team had defeated their rivals with one touchdown in the last five minutes of the homecoming game. It didn’t matter that half the school didn’t care much about football to begin with - with a victory that big, there were bound to be parties all over town.

As a varsity cheerleader, you weren’t surprised that you were invited to the biggest homecoming party in town. And you weren’t surprised by the atmosphere when you arrived, either.

Music blasted in your ears as you entered through the backdoor of the crowded house. Cheerleaders were laughing so loud you could feel it in your whole body, people were drunkenly dancing and making out with each other on the dance floor, and the football team was taking a celebratory round of shots for their biggest win. Hell, you even saw the student body council and academic decathlon team on the dance floor. Bottles upon bottles of all kinds of alcohol were being pulled out at the bar - kegs of beer, bottles of tequila and vodka, and a giant bowl of punch that was being spiked with a frothing drink. Still, the abundance of alcohol wouldn’t last long at a party this big. But before you could get to the bar to get your pick, you heard your name being called from across the room.

“Y/N!”

There were too many people covering your view to see who called you when you turned around, but you knew exactly who it was coming from. It wasn’t too hard to weave your way through the drunken couples and football players to find him.

Rodrick was leaning against the basement’s doorframe, wearing his favorite Converse, a pair of ripped black skinny jeans, and his Loded Diper t-shirt with a cargo jacket. He ruffled his unkempt, raven hair and took a long swig from his solo cup.

“Give me your keys.”

You raised your eyebrows, stifling a laugh. “Well, hello to you, too.”

After taking another sip of his drink, he held out his hand. Rolling your eyes, you took your lanyard and dropped your keys in his hand, which he put in the pocket of his jacket.

“There we go.” His mouth quirked up into a smirk. “I thought you said you’d never go to another homecoming party again after last year. You still owe me for that, you know.”

Memories of Rodrick holding you steady as you stumbled to his van and slurred your words resurfaced in your mind. You couldn’t hide the tinge of embarrassment that crept up on your cheeks.

“I wasn’t that drunk.”

“Do you or do you not remember me having to brush your teeth because you forgot how to do it yourself?”

Your once pink cheeks now turned scarlet. Still, you couldn’t help but laugh at the memory.

“Fine. But I definitely don’t owe you anymore after being the only reason you didn’t fail physics last year.”

He paused, taking another drink from his cup. You could tell the alcohol was beginning to slow his thoughts already.

“I guess I stand corrected.”

You cursed yourself for being sober, wishing you had more confidence to flirt with him. You swallowed the forming lump in your throat and attempted a compliment.

“Look at you, making yourself look nice for homecoming. You even got the new converse and eyeliner and everything.”

God, that couldn’t have been worse. You mentally facepalmed yourself as the words left your mouth.

He chuckled. “Well, I’ve gotta make myself look nice if I’m gonna get one of these cheerleaders to go home with me, right?”

Your embarrassment dissipated into a twinge of disappointment. Quick to cover up any sort of reaction, you cleared your throat.

“I’m gonna go get myself something to drink. See you around, Rodrick.”

You heard him call out a warning about “knowing your limits,” but you didn’t turn around or respond. At first, you were only planning to get buzzed tonight. Your disappointment, however, made a change to your plans.

“Hey, Y/N,” your friend, Allison, said from the bar with a wave. “What do you want to drink?”

“Something strong,” you insisted. With a nod, Allison filled a solo cup with vodka and topped it off with the frothing punch.

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” She asked as she handed you the cup. You took a swig, ignoring the way the alcohol burned your throat.

“Who knows,” you sighed. “I just got back from talking to Rodrick.”

Allison raised her eyebrows. You paused for a moment, but you gave in to the temptation of getting your feelings out. “Every time I try to flirt with him, I feel like he ignores it. Or worse, he just brings up other girls.”

“Maybe you’re just not flirting hard enough,” Allison suggested. Her comforting smile became smug, pointing to the solo cup in your hand. "Or maybe that liquid courage will finally get you to tell him how you feel.”

The taste in your mouth turned sour at her teasing. Last year’s drunken shenanigans seemed harmless compared to any hypotheticals of you blurting out “Hey Rodrick, I’ve had a crush on you since last homecoming!” and forgetting it by morning. You placed your cup on the bar, deciding that your original plan of a buzz was the safer option. “Actually, I think I’m gonna stick to beer tonight.”

Allison let out a laugh. “Whatever you say. But your feelings are gonna eat you alive at some point. You’re gonna have to tell him how you feel eventually.”

“Emphasis on eventually. See you, Allison.” You gave her a small wave and went out to the dance floor, hoping to find some of your friends and dance your way into forgetting about Rodrick.

~~~

As the wild night began to die down, waves of stumbling high schoolers started leaving the party. Watching the clock hit 3 AM, you decided that it was time for you to head home. Waving goodbye to your friends, you made your way out of the house and to your car, more than ready to open the door and practically fall asleep at the wheel and-

Damnit.

That asshole still had your keys, didn’t he?

Pulling out your phone, you called Rodrick, nearly praying that he didn’t already leave. As you put your phone to your ear, you heard another phone’s ringtone go off. Muttering a “what the hell?” under your breath, you looked up from your car.

Rodrick was standing on the sidewalk across the street, holding onto a streetlight pole as though it was taking everything in his power not to fall.

A noise of both amusement and concern left your lips, and you hung up the call and made your way over to him.

“Hi,” was all he said. His eyes were glazed over and a sheepish smile was spread across his face.

You couldn’t help but smirk. “Oh, how the tables turn, huh?”

“I don’t,” he paused. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

You let out a laugh. “You’re drunk off your ass.”

“No, I’m not!” He blurted out defensively. You cocked your head, giving him a do-you-really-think-you’re-gonna-convince-me look. After a moment, he sighed. “Maybe I’m a little drunk.” He let out another sigh, but it quickly turned into a fit of giggles.

Suppressing the thought that his drunken giggles were extremely cute, you draped his arm over your shoulders. “Come on, drummer boy, let’s get you home.” Rodrick leaned his bodyweight into your side, trying not to fall in the middle of the street.

“I like that nickname.”

“Where’d you put my keys?” You asked him. Instead of answering, he broke into another fit of giggles. With a sigh, you pushed down your embarrassment and started rummaging through the pockets of his jacket. He leaned his head into the crook of your neck, making butterflies swarm in your gut. You tried your best to ignore them and finally pulled out your keys from his pocket, helping him into the passenger seat of your car.

“Wanna hear something funny? I wanted to take home the cheerleader with me. But now the cheerleader is taking me home.” His smile turned into a smirk as he buckled his seatbelt, and you reminded yourself that he was only joking.

“You’re a pervert.”

“You’re pretty.”

Your eyes widened at what Rodrick had just said. The next second, you couldn’t be more thankful that it was too dark to see the blush on your cheeks. You believed that he meant what he said for a second, but the smell of alcohol on his breath brought you back to reality.

“You’re really drunk.”

“You’re really pretty.”

Instead of responding, you started the car and turned on the radio, hoping that it would act as a distraction.

Pulling out of the driveway, you started the drive home. You heard Rodrick laugh again from the passenger’s seat. And then he placed his hand on your thigh.

Your eyes widened in shock, and you tried to stop your breathing from turning shallow. “What are you doing?”

“Flirting with you.”

Your cheeks burned at his direct manner, but you reluctantly took his hand off your thigh. “You can’t flirt with me when you’re drunk.” Pulling into his driveway, you helped him out of your car and to his front door. You grabbed the spare key from under the doormat and opened the door.

After helping him to his room, you filled up an empty glass with water and grabbed a bottle of pain medicine from his kitchen, bringing it upstairs and placing it on his nightstand.

“Here’s for tomorrow when you have a hang-“

“I don’t remember how to take off my shoes.” Rodrick looked up at you from where he was sitting on his bed, his blank stare turning into another eruption of laughter. “I sound like you right now.”

You sighed, letting out a chuckle. You took off his Converse and his jacket, placing them in his closet.

“Well, as long as you don’t need anything else I better get going-“

Before you could finish your sentence, Rodrick grabbed you and pulled you onto his bed. “Can you stay a little while?” Your cheeks burned even brighter, and you knew he knew it too. His flirting was overwhelming; you thought you were going to explode from the butterflies. Still, you managed to stay somewhat composed.

“You need to sleep.”

“I don't want to sleep.”

You shook your head, but the look on Rodrick’s pleading face was enough to convince you. “Fine.”

“Why don’t you let me flirt with you?”

“What?”

Rodrick was looking directly at you. “I always try to flirt with you. And then you act like I’m just joking.”

You wanted to tell him that he didn’t know what he was talking about, that he was just drunk and the alcohol was talking. But Allison’s words of advice were echoing in the back of your head.

You’re going to have to tell him how you feel eventually.

“Because I didn’t think you could ever be serious about actually liking me.”

His eyebrows furrowed in disbelief. “Of course I’m serious. You’re the prettiest girl in school, you like good music, and you’re just so nice. And pretty.”

You let out a chuckle. “I bet you weren’t thinking those things when you were brushing my teeth for me last year.”

"Yes, I was," He moved a piece of hair from your face. “That’s when I realized I had feelings for you, Y/N.”

The smell of alcohol on his breath was enough to make you want to burst into tears. Here you were, laying on Rodrick Heffley’s bed, close enough to make out the dark outline of his pupils, and you were confessing how you felt for him. And he wouldn’t remember any of it in the morning.

“Can I kiss you?”

His abrupt question silenced your thoughts. “What?”

He closed his eyes and started leaning in for the kiss, but once you processed what he had just asked, you pulled away. “Not right now.”

“Why not?”

You took a deep breath, trying to slow your racing heartbeat. “Tell you what. If you wake up tomorrow and you decide that you still want to kiss me, you can kiss me.”

He thought about your offer for a moment. “Okay. But tomorrow feels so far away.”

“Tomorrow won’t feel far if you go to sleep.”

He smiled and buried his head into your side. “You’ll stay until I fall asleep, right?”

“Right.”

“Promise?”

You felt the urge to cry again. You knew that every promise made tonight would be broken by tomorrow.

“Promise.”

You laid in his bed as his breathing slowed into soft snores. Taking one last look at him, you gently climbed out of his arms. As much as you wanted to stay, wanted to wake him up and confess every feeling you had for him, wanted to kiss him and kiss him and kiss him, you knew that would be wrong. You had to ease the inevitable future pain as much as you could.

So you grabbed your keys and left, not finding it in you to look back.

~~~

When Rodrick woke up, he could barely find the energy to open his eyes. The ache he felt across his entire body was throbbing, but he fought the urge to give in and go back to sleep. Opening his eyes, he saw a glass of water and pain medicine sitting on his nightstand.

Considering how awful he felt, there was no way he put that there. Taking two of the pills and downing the glass of water, he tried to connect some of his memories of the night before. As the medicine started to set in, some of his fuzzy memories began to clear. Taking a shot of tequila with his bandmate, taking another shot of tequila with his bandmate, your face turning bright red when he reminded you of when he took care of you last homecoming.

Even though he’d never find the courage to admit it, you looked cute when you blushed. And he always seemed to have butterflies in his stomach around you after last year's homecoming party. But there would be absolutely no way he would ever admit that.

You probably were the one that got him home last night. He couldn’t help but feel embarrassed that you saw him that drunk, even if he’s seen you even drunker before. He hoped he hadn’t said anything too humiliating to you last night.

His stomach twisted with another wave of embarrassment. What had he said last night?

He stood up, noticing your jacket laying on the other side of his bed. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion and unknown embarrassment. He picked up your jacket and grabbed his keys to his van, ready to give it back and thank you for getting him home last night.

But when he picked up the jacket, more memories flooded his mind. You laying in his bed, him pulling the hair out of your face, you being close enough to him that he could have kissed you.

Oh, shit.

He ran to his closet and threw on his converse, too frantic to even tie them. Running out the door, he practically jumped into his van and started the drive to your house.

~~~

You sat on your porch, drinking a cup of coffee and enjoying that crisp October air on your cheeks. Thankful that you didn’t have even the remnants of a hangover, you were certain that every upperclassman at Crossland was sporting a massive one.

You opened your phone and anxiously twiddled your thumbs at the keyboard. You wanted to text Rodrick and ask him how he was feeling, but you were too nervous to contact him after last night. Hell, you weren’t even sure if you would ever be able to look him in the eyes again.

Your concern for him overshadowed your embarrassment. No matter where your relationship with him stood after last night, you still cared about him. Pulling his contact up on your phone, you typed a short message.

Morning, sleepyhead. You feeling ok after last night?

But just as you were about to hit send, you saw a van barreling down your street from your peripheral vision. You didn’t need to see the messy writing on its side to know who’s van it was, either.

Your heart dropped to your stomach. Did Rodrick remember what happened last night? Was he here to reject you, to tell you that he couldn’t even be friends with you anymore? You wanted to run inside your house and pretend you weren’t home, but you felt frozen in place.

The van pulled into your driveway, and Rodrick stepped out from the driver’s seat. He was still wearing the same outfit from the night before, but he had his drumsticks in one hand and your jacket in the other. He ran up to your porch, almost frantically.

“Y/N?” He said.

You took a shaky breath, trying to act as casual as possible. “Hey, Rodrick, you feel okay after last night?”

“I’ve had worse hangovers. Er, you left my jacket at my house.” He handed you your jacket.

“Thanks.” You shifted on your feet nervously, looking for the right thing to say. See you Monday? Sorry I confessed my feelings to you last night?

Rodrick looked down at his feet. “Can we talk?” He blurted out.

A plethora of curses went through your head, and you felt the urge to run into your house and curl up in a fetal position until you disappeared. Still, you stayed standing where you were.

“Sure, what’s up?”

“Last night, did we,” he anxiously twirled his drumsticks in his hands, “did we kiss?”

Your eyes widened. He did remember last night.

“Well, you wanted to kiss me.” Your stomach churned, and your head was swirling with so many thoughts that you couldn’t stop talking. “But we didn’t kiss because it was just the alcohol talking and I know you didn’t actually want to kiss me and that last night was just the alcohol and I get that you wouldn’t want to kiss me which is totally fine and really it’s no big deal-“

“It wasn’t the alcohol talking.”

Rodrick looked up from the ground and stepped closer to you. You had never seen him look more serious in your life.

“Y/N, everything I said last night. I meant it.” He took a deep breath. “I’ve... I’ve felt this way about you for a while. And I know I’m not a serious person, but I am really serious about this. And I really, really like you.” He took another step closer, and once again, he was close enough that you could see the outline of his pupils.

“So about that promise we made last night,” your breath hitched in your throat, “I think it would be a shame if we broke it.”

“You’re right,” Rodrick’s shy smile spread into a smug grin. He lifted your chin so your faces were barely inches apart.

“It'd really be a shame, wouldn't it?.” He said, closing the gap between your lips.

[diavolosthots]

I don't know if I'm too late if so ignore this. Mc trying to take care of Lucifer. Like bringing him food and drinks, trying to make sure stuff is done in the house, stopping the brothers from bothering him.,thanks for reading my request and remember if you don't want to do it or I'm to late delete it.

You weren't too late at that time and I'm in a lucifer mood tonight so this is being done!

Also who else would like to try spicy hellburned chili now that i made it up? Because I do.

Helpful Hands (LUCIFER X GN!READER)

People always underestimate how much he does for this family, or at least he thinks so. They see mean old Lucifer who only ever bullies and is way too strict. They see the guy who has a patch of gray hair but should be way too young to have it. They see the Avatar of Pride who can’t bear to be defeated for the life of him. Sometimes they see a stuck up asshole who thinks of nothing but himself and occasional torture because he’s viewed as Mr. Sadist. The last part might be mildly true, but only on bad days and only to those who really deserve it. He’s heard it all, from both friends and foes alike, and of course his family. Even Diavolo scolds him at times, which that’s when he’s truly about to snap it because if it weren’t for the Demon Lord he probably wouldn’t be on edge all the time, but more on that later. The point is, though, that most, if not all, of those claims are fault. 

People see the surface level. They see what they want to see and they don’t dare to dig deeper. Maybe they fear him, maybe they’re just too warped in the idea that he absolutely hates everyone that they also turn to hating him. A “I do you like you do me” type of deal, but if they would just take the time… if they would listen and really take a good look at him… maybe they’d realize he’s just suffering. Everytime he gets mad at Mammon or gives a stern, “not now,” that’s him being overwhelmed. Or if his agitation shines through, it’s not because he’s truly annoyed, but because he knows they can do better. He pushes his brothers, absolutely, but only because he knows their true potential. He holds all this weight on his shoulders, for everyone, and instead of giving a small thanks, they ruin his day. It’s hard being the unwanted parent of six, but if he wasn’t, Hell would burn. Or, well, more so than it usually does. Diavolo adds to his work on the daily, and maybe that wouldn’t be such a problem, if he weren’t also the one distracting him from such work and then getting onto him for not having it done. 

It’s hard being him. It’s hard to be the responsible one because you feel like you have to; because you feel like you owe it to them. He blames himself, heavily, for everything that has happened, even though it was their choice to join him. He lays there at night, more often than he likes to admit, and asks himself the big “what if” questions. “What if I didn’t go against them.” “what if I let loose.” “What if I’m being too strict.” Never, ever will you hear him say these things. Pride, ya know? But you don’t need to hear those things because you do know. You see it in his tired eyes and slumped posture once no one is looking. You see it in the way he eats and his coffee outweighs his nutrients. You can tell every time his anger rises too quickly, although he deems himself the rational one. You know Lucifer, even if he thinks you don’t, and you feel bad for him. You feel bad that you’re the only one who seems to see how truly tired he is. How much of a shoulder to lean on he actually needs, and although you’d never dare just go up and offer it, because once again his pride still wouldn’t let him admit that, you try to acknowledge his needs in little ways. 

Coffee was ready this morning, Lucifer noted, but he brushed it off because maybe it was just Beel’s late night or early morning snack; maybe he wanted some? “The pot is full…” and he took advantage of that. Whoever made the coffee, and someone must have because it was still hot and tasted fresh, he thanks them. You smiled to yourself when you saw him with a cup, heading back to his office, “morning, Lucifer. Enjoy your coffee.” He had looked at you, blinking a few times and probably wondering why you’re so cheery this early in the morning, “Good morning, (Y/N).” but that was it. Well, not really. Next thing he knew was that lunch was already done when he arrived in the kitchen to start it. “(Y/N)? What are you doing? It’s my turn.” but you only shrugged, wiping your hands before grabbing the plates and heading out to the dining room to place them, “yeah but I was already down here and didn’t have anything to do. Don’t mind me, just come sit and eat.” He didn’t say it, and he didn’t need to, but he was really appreciative and he even managed a small smile when you passed. 

Those were isolated incidences, though, or so he thought. But now, little by little, he realized more and more things that he had never noticed before. The rooms were clean, or at least the ones he was in, the fridge and pantry was always stocked, even with Beel around, and he rarely ever got interrupted. Of course, he still heard the occasional arguments between his brothers; Mammon stealing the remote right as Belphegor was about to put sleepy time music on… seriously, why can’t the guy do that on his D.D.D.? Or Satan screaming at Leviathan who accidently tripped over Satan’s books in his room while lending him his headphones. Shocker on that one, right? Or maybe it was a disagreement between you and Beelzebub about which spices should be used in the Spicy Hellburned Chili for this wednesday night’s dinner. But all of these were minor and nothing compared to what he usually deals with. At first he was super suspicious though and would constantly check on everyone, but by day three he thought that maybe, just maybe, he had gotten lucky and he finally does have some peace. Spoiler alert: he did. He got way more done than he ever did. 

That, however, does bother him. He doesn’t know who or why they would do it and as much as he enjoys it, he would also like to have a discussion with them. His birthday isn’t for another couple of months so he knows that that wouldn’t be the reason he’s being treated so nicely, so what else could it be? Mammon would only do this for money and even then he’s pretty upfront about it and begs for it Lucifer immediately after he had done the task, so he’s off the table. Satan and Belphegor would rather die than help him, Asmodeus is too obsessed with himself and Leviathan is holed up more than he shows any signs of life. So, the only other two people are you and Beelzebub, both of which are very nice people and debatably the only ones who truly care about him. The last part is a joke, but you two show it more than others. “Was it you that has been helping me?” But Beelzebub just looked confused, half a bag of chips down his throat as Lucifer asked and something told Lucifer that he wasn’t it. “No, but did you need help?” With a shake of his head and a sigh, Lucifer turned on his heel to go and find you, but not before doing something else. 

“Come to my room, (Y/N).” he had said and for a moment you thought your whole plan backfired and his brothers annoyed him again, or maybe you had forgotten something in it? Were you not careful enough in your attempts to make his life easier? You haven’t even gotten to the best part! “I’m here…” you practically sprinted down the hall while trying to find an excuse for anything he could potentially say, but when he opened the door to let you in, all of those left your mind, “what’s up?” He didn’t look… mean, per se, but he looked stern like always and it kind of freaked you out. Did you do something wrong? Was the coffee not strong enough? You used the wrong spices for the chili, didn’t you? “Do you see this?” Lucifer’s finger pointed out and you followed it, noting it was pointing at his desk, “uhm…. Yes? Am I not supposed to see it? Wasn’t it always here?” “Yes, it has always been there. However, something is different.” You turned to look at him and then back at his desk. Was it new? Did he paint it? Is there a trophy on there you should be aware of? “Lucifer I can’t see--”

When you turned back around, he was holding out two glasses of champagne and a smile was, for once in what felt like forever, gracing his lips. “Exactly. It’s empty. You can actually see it.” he hands you one of the glasses, his smile never faltering, “I had an unusual amount of time this week thanks to a few… coincidences that just so happen to align with my schedule and make my life easier. I know it was you. You made my coffee that morning, and were kind enough to leave the pot. You took up my lunch shift on purpose, not because you were down there. You also took my dinner shift this week, and cleaned the house. I’m assuming you’re also responsible for keeping my brothers in line which is a miracle within itself.” He chuckled softly, shaking his head before reaching out his other hand and tilting your chin up, “I don’t know how or why… and frankly, I don’t want to know. It would ruin the fun of it, but I do want to thank you for it and seeing as I have nothing else to do tonight, or tomorrow, you’ll be staying with me.” You blinked a few times. You could feel your heartbeat speed up and for a moment you wondered what you had actually done, but also, how bad could this go? You had one more thing to give him, anyway. “Works for me. I have one more thing to give you, anyway.” You clink your glass with his before taking a sip, watching him raise an eyebrow while your own eyebrows rose up and your lips turned into a smirk. “Undress for me, Lucifer.” 

You hope he will agree to a massage. Lord knows he needs his shoulders loosened up. 

[lilacmeadows]

Made For You pt.4

Whooo! The last part! Are You guys proud of me? I wanted to make it really sweet and solidify them as a non-toxic couple. Ugh I loved writing this reader. So happy to live and breath for Bucky (yes, ‘tis me). Requests are open, so if you ever miss her, and want a ‘Made For You’ drabble or epilogue or something, let me know.

BUCKY X READER

Summary: Hydra had just finished training you to be the Winter Soldier’s perfect mate when the Avengers saved him. But what’s going to happen to you now that Hydra has deleted your old life and left you with nothing but a soldier that needs to learn to love himself before he can love someone else.

Part 1   Part 2   Part 3   Part 4

WARNINGS: explicit sexual content, explicit language, stockholm syndrome, slight dom/sub dynamics, mentions of captivity and kidnapping, mutual pining, SMUT, ORAL (f receiving), FLUFF, angst if you squint (must be 18+)

Bucky sauntered into the kitchen, happier than he has been in at least 70 years. Things seem like they’re looking up. Out of Hydra’s control, gorgeous girl who likes the way the carpet feels on her knees. He felt guilty, but he was happy. That is, he was happy until he saw Steve sitting on a kitchen barstool, and he was snapped back to the reality of his situation.

“Hey man. Do you know where the number to that Chinese place is?” Bucky asked Steve, not meeting his eyes as he rummaged through the drawers.

“Yeah, it’s on a menu in the drawer to your right.” Steve pointed to the drawer in question.

“Thanks.” Bucky replied, looking over the options and wondering what she would like. Bucky remembered how it was when he was first free from Hydra. He hadn’t had processed foods in decades, and his stomach couldn’t take it. He decided on nothing spicy, just some noodles with broccoli and beef. Then he doubled that order for himself. This made Steve’s brows perk up.

“Eating for two, Buck? Steve asked once his friend was off the phone.

“I told Y/n I’d order dinner while she showered.” He said, shrugging like he hadn’t just gotten a world class blowjob.

“Dinner? So what’s going on with you two? You barely talked to her on the ride here. Did something change?” Steve asked, as Sam walked into the kitchen, joining their conversation.

“Dinner? You and Y/n are having dinner?” He asked, trying to catch up, but Steve only knew as much as he did.

“We... talked. She’s nice. I just want her to be happy while she’s here because she’s got nowhere else to go.” Bucky shrugged. Pulling out two cups and filling them with ice and some fruity beverage- which both men noticed.

“”Buck, you’re not actually gonna pursue her are you?” Steve asked? This was what Bucky was dreading. He knew Y/n probably needed years of therapy and to be far away from him, but he also knew that he was happy, and Y/n looked so at peace when she made him happy. So why can’t they both just be happy together?

“I don’t know man. I mean, she really likes me, and I don’t have to hide anything from her. She makes me seem like the sane one.

“But Buck, she needs help. She’s been in captivity for a decade only thinking about pleasing you. How are you okay with that?” Steve looked disappointed in him, but he knew Bucky wasn’t trying to take advantage of the situation, he wanted to be happy.

“Shit, I’m okay with it. Do you know what I would do to have a girl that looks like that look at me the way she looks at Bucky? And without all the annoying things women do. Aye, I think if she’s happy making you happy, what’s so wrong about it?” Sam finished. Steve thought it over for a second. He still didn’t love the idea, but had to admit Y/n really wanted to be around Bucky. Keeping her from him would only make her miserable.

“I never wanted to take advantage of her. But she literally begs. What am I supposed to do? Be an asshole? Not to mention, I’m happy too. It’s nice having someone really care about you, you know?” Steve gave him a look. “I know you idiots care about me, but I mean a woman. It’s not like I’m gonna do much better than Y/n. Beautiful women aren’t lining up to date a 85 year old, ex-murderer with a metal arm.” And he was right. Where would he find better than a woman Hydra made just for him?

The doorbell rang, and Bucky paid for the food. He picked up the drinks he prepared and said goodbye to his friends. Bucky knew the whole situation was kinda fucked, but he also found himself missing Y/n in the time he was in the kitchen, and that feeling was only eased by the knowledge that she’s in her room, waiting for him to return.

But when he got there, it took everything in him to not drop the food where he stood. She was sitting crisscrossed on the bed, knitting, in just a t-shirt he gave her. Her pussy was on display for him the minute he walked in the door.

“I- I got- the umm... The food is here.” He said as he walked in and placed it on the table.

“Thank you, Bucky.” She said as she put the needles down and walked over to the table. “It smells good.” She said, looking at different labels and the cups of juice.

“Yeah.” He said, zoning out a little at the sight of her bare legs. Much more of them were exposed than earlier. He could see the shape of her hips, and he watched her nipples harden under his gaze- his cock twitched in response. “You didn’t like the sweatpants?”

“Not really, I was too warm. And pants feel weird in between my legs.” She responded, looking up at him with big eyes. He groaned. It’s like her responses turned him on when she wasn’t even trying to. He assumed they trained her to be so seductive, but he swears part of it almost seemed natural. Like for some reason he couldn’t help but be turned on by her.

The two of them shared their meals together at the little table. He could tell she was a little nervous around him, but also happy to be in his company. Bucky also noticed how good she is at making conversation. Always polite, but she knew exactly the right things to say.

“So you’re definitely gonna knit me a sweater right?” He jested, empty takeout boxes discarded in the trash.

“I’d love to. But it’s gonna take a whole lot of yarn. I don’t know if anyone told you, Bucky, but you’re kinda broad.” She said with light in her eyes.

“I’ll get you all the yarn you want, Y/n.”

“What color do you want it?” She asked.

“You pick, Babydoll.” He said, pulling her chair a little closer to himself. He couldn’t help wanting to be closer to her.

“I want yarn the color of your eyes, Bucky. Sir, you’re so beautiful.” In their proximity, she definitely noticed his reaction to her calling him ‘Sir’. Feeling emboldened, she continued. “Do you like when I call you sir?” She asked.

“Yeah, Babydoll.” He breathed, they were pulling each other in like magnets. Everything felt like it was coming into place for the two of them.

“Then why do you tell me to call you Bucky?” Her giggles were cut off by a bruising kiss. She immediately felt his tongue demanding entry that she was too happy to allow. He picked her up from her chair, and placed her on his lap, straddling him.

“Because I can’t think straight when you call me that.” He said, standing with her legs around his waist. He could feel her wet, pantie-less pussy rubbing against his abs, and groaned in frustration. He was hard as steel.

He sat her gently on the bed, and started sliding down her body.

“You’re only gonna wear my clothes, okay?” He ordered. He knew she would do whatever he asked of her, but he would never ask her to do anything bad. Just seeing her in nothing but his shirt did something to him.

He pushed up the shirt, and kissed all the newly exposed skin. His cold, metal arm felt heavenly on her hard nipples. He kissed and licked all the way down her belly until he reached where she wanted him most.

“What are you doing, Sir?” She asked him when he started separating her folds.

“I’m about to eat this pretty pussy, Babydoll.” He looked at her from in between her legs.

“Ohhh. Why?” She asked. She didn’t want to sound dumb in front of him, but in her studies, she never saw anything being reciprocated. She assumed her body was just for his pleasure. But if this is what he wanted, who was she to complain.

“Because it’s soaking wet, beautiful, and I want a taste. Plus, how else am I gonna fit in here if I don’t get you ready? I can’t break my shiny new toy on the first day. My shiny Babydoll.” He said before taking a long lick from her entrance to her clit. “Mmm tastes so sweet. Like sugar water.”

“They only let me drink water and cranberry juice.” She giggled, glad to see him enjoying something she worked so hard for.

“Damn, if we didn’t kill Hydra, I’d have to write them a thank you card.” He joked, putting a finger in her hole and sucking her clit. She was moaning quite uncontrollably, she never felt pleasure like this (or really at all), and it was overwhelming for her.

But then he stopped all of a sudden. He kissed back up her body, and left his finger inside of her- something clawing at his mind.

“They- Hydra didn’t touch you did they? Did they touch my Babydoll?” He asked, looking her deep in the eyes. Just the thought of them touching his girl brought rage to his chest.

“N- no, Sir. They wanted me t-to, to be untouched for my S-Soldat.” She was finally able to muster. He wasn’t helping her concentration. After he ask his question, he added another finger and started stroking her walls. Upon her answer, he hummed and pulled her into a kiss.

“Y/n, You’re so good for me, Babydoll. But I don’t think I can take another minute not inside you.” He said, pulling off his clothes with one hand, the other knuckle deep in her pussy. As his hand increased speed, and his thumb pressed on her clit, she clenched around his two fingers and came. He pressed his tip into her entrance before she even came down.

“Sir, you’re so big.” She squealed.

“Babydoll, I’m barely in you yet.” He laughed before he drove home. Her legs wrapped around him as she screamed. The pain disappeared after the initial shock, help by the powerful orgasm she just had. But that orgasm seemed like nothing compared to the one he was currently brewing inside her with every hit to her cervix.

“So goddamn tight, Babydoll. Like you were Made For Me™️. I’m gonna cum so deep inside you, Y/n. Do you want that? Want me to claim you right here?” He pressed his hand on her belly, where he could feel himself bulging out of her from his size.

“Yes! Bucky, Yes!” She shouted, the knot deep inside her about to snap. “Please, make me yours, Sir” She moaned out his name like a prayer.

“Yes, good Y/n. My precious Babydoll. I’m about to cum baby. Cum with me, Y/n.” He said, grinding his pelvis in every thrust to rub against her clit. One of his arms supported his body while the other massaged her sensitive nipples.

Her orgasm was explosive, and the tightness around him felt so good, he followed her into the abyss. She shook and shuddered, while he stroked her hair, not ready to pull out of her just yet. They didn’t say anything until after he left to get her a washcloth to clean up her sopping, sensitive pussy. He was damn near mesmerized by the way she jumped a little from the overstimulation, and loved how his cum gushed out of her a little every time she breathed. He knew he needed this girl in his life forever.

“Bucky, I always wondered what happened to the women in those videos after her job was done.” She whispered against his lips when he came back up and put his arms around her.

“I doubt they got the special treatment like you do, but you deserve it for being my shiny Babydoll.” He told her and kissed her nose.

“Why do you call me that?” She asked.

“Because you look like a doll and you’re my favorite new toy.” He chuckled against her lips. Lazy kisses being exchanged between the two.

“So you’re gonna keep me?” She beamed at him.

“Of course I’m gonna keep ya, silly girl. You’re absolutely perfect. And it would be pretty rude to not keep a gift made just for me.” He kissed her one last time before she tucked her face into his neck and fell asleep.

He knew he’d have to teach her all the compassionate things about a relationship Hydra never did, but he was happy knowing that he’d protect her the way he had all those years ago. And that being with him is all she wanted.

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[staticscreenwriting]

Love like the movies // Bucky Barnes

One - When Harry met Sally 

Synopsis: This is a story of boy meets girl. The boy, Bucky Barnes, finds himself thrown into a world that seems so different from everything he’s ever known. Growing  up, Bucky had not a doubt in his mind that his undeniable charm and his gorgeous smile would one day help him find the one. Now he realizes there’s so much more to romancing women, especially those from the 21st century. The girl, (Y/N) knows entirely too much about rom-coms and is quite particular about the way she eats her popcorn. Bucky meets (Y/N) a few months after returning to NYC. He knows almost immediately that becoming her friend is inevitable. This is a story of boy meets girl. This is not a love story. This is a story about love. (Bucky Barnes x female!Reader // a few spoilers for EP1 of TFATWS)

[additional note: I am German. Sometimes I get the tense wrong or make mistakes. I am useless when it comes to punctuation. Go easy on me, please.]

“ Now in the movies they make it look so perfect And in the background they're always playing the right song And in the ending there's always a resolution But real life is more than just two hours long “

Some Avett Brothers song sounds from the little radio that sits on the corner of the counter. Thick drops of rain pearl against the window, racing each other down the glass before meeting up eventually and becoming one with each other. 

(Y/N) refills the last of the mustard bottles, setting it on the counter next to the others. It’s a quiet night at the diner. The kitchen’s been closed for an hour now and usually, that’s when people stop coming in. While the Little Blue Diner is known for their hot dogs and burgers, neither their coffee nor their cold sandwiches are gonna win any prizes any time soon. 

And yet …

Sure enough, as her eyes lift towards the figure slouched down in the corner booth, his gloved hand is already outstretched, signaling his desire for yet another refill.

A mixture between a chuckle and a scoff tumbles from her lips at the thought of him wanting more of the slightly burned liquid. If there’s one thing (Y/N) can admit to being bad at, it’s brewing coffee. Where there should be a rich brown color, hers usually ends up with an inky black hue and instead of leaving a hint of warm caramelization on your tongue hers just tastes bitter. It doesn’t seem to face the man in the corner though. Not even a little bit. To say this worries her is a bit of an understatement. No one in their right mind would take 7 refills of her witch's brew.

“ You okay, my dude ? “ (Y/N) inquires as she steps up to his table, coffee pot in hand. 

The man doesn’t look up at her. He doesn’t have to. She’s acutely aware of the character currently occupying the corner booth. It’s a face she knows like the back of her hand. One that’s been staring at her from books and documentaries, one she’s been greeted by every time her dad took her with him to the Smithsonian. Though they do not dare look up at her, she’s so awfully familiar with the bright blue shade of his eyes, he might as well be a long-time friend. 

“ I’m fine. “ 

Of all the lies in the world, “I’m fine” must be the most unbelievable one and yet the one told most often. No one who’s actually fine ever says those words. Those two words are reserved for the lonely and broken only. It’s like getting “I’m not fine at all” tattooed across your goddamn forehead. 

“ Sure you are, that’s why you’re having the 7th refill of my god awful coffee. “ 

“ ‘s not that bad. “ 

“ Sure, if you’re into licking charcoal it’s probably not that bad. “

It’s just a split of a second, a fraction of a moment, but (Y/N) is sure she can see the corner of his lips lifting slightly. It falls back into the stoic scowl immediately but it was there. For a teeny tiny moment, there was the shadow of a smirk on his face and that’s a success in her book. 

“ Either way, here’s how we’re gonna do this. I’ll give you one last refill, after that, I’m cutting you off, my friend. I know I’m a waitress and it’s my job to bring you what you want but I do not fancy watching you suffer a caffeine-induced heart attack in this very diner. I am not equipped to handle a situation like that and quite honestly they don’t pay me enough to deal with that either. “ 

His eyes are still trained on the scratched-up white linoleum table but ever so faintly he nods his head in silent agreement. 

As promised, she pours him one last cup of coffee. A brew so dark it could rival the bubbling goo of a tar pit.��

“ Enjoy your last cup of the night, Mr. Barnes. “ 

It’s then, as she’s just about to walk back behind the counter, as those words leave her lips, that he looks up for the first time since he’s walked in. 

His eyes are the exact shade of blue she’s so familiar with but there’s something else about them. An infinite sadness haunts every spec of blue. Where she thought there would be a sparkle of adventure, a hint of mischief, there is just loneliness. This is not the man she’s read about in museums, heard about in stories. This man right here is completely and utterly lost.

“ I - I uh — “ 

He clears his throat, once, twice, then nervously brushes his hand across his face. 

“ I can go if you don’t want me here. “ 

“ Huh? “ 

“ I asked if you want me to leave. “ 

As those words escape him, his eyes seem to grow even more devastated. They glimmer with memories of a time long gone and a future uncertain. Shine with hurt and fear. 

“ Why would I ask you to leave? “ 

Bucky shrugs his shoulders in a way to make it look nonchalantly. It’s hard to seem casual though when you seem to carry the weight of the entire world on your shoulders. 

“ People who recognize me usually aren’t so keen on having me around. I don’t know if you’ve heard but I’m uh — I’m not people’s favorite person. “ 

It’s a sad thought, (Y/N) realizes, to be constantly bound to a past that is yours but never really belongs to you. To be forever linked with the horrible actions of a version of yourself you had no control over. And no matter how hard you try to set it all right and to repent for your wrongdoings, to some people it will never be enough.

“ No, you don’t have to leave, “ (Y/N) reassures before sliding into the booth opposite him. “ I don’t know you because of — because of what happened. I know you first and foremost as Sergeant Barnes, former officer of the 107th Infantry Regiment, part of the Howling Commandos, and best friend and brother to Steve Rogers. Everything else that’s — none of my business really. “ 

Bucky lifts his eyes off of the table again and while the sadness is still there, something else lingers for a moment. Curiosity, intrigue maybe, or just relief. 

“ Wow. Didn’t think I’d run into someone reciting my life to me. Huh. “ 

“ My dad used to be a curator at the Smithsonian. He was in charge of the Captain America exhibition. I’ve seen your face a million times, visiting him at work. I gotta say though, you look way more approachable and friendly on the picture they put up. “ 

This time, it’s more than a fleeting moment, this time she’s sure about it, this time he lets out an actual chuckle. 

“ I was a lot younger then, okay? Cut an old man some slack. “ 

“ Oh, you pulling the old man card now? “ 

“ Is it working? “ he asks, eyebrows raised in question. 

“ Not really. “ 

“ Ah, what a shame.” 

Silence settles upon them again like a thick duvet filled with feathers, it’s not uncomfortable but it’s smothering anyway.

“ Do you wanna talk about it? Your sour mood, I mean.” 

Bucky shrugs again “I have a therapist.” 

“ Does she make you draw your feelings? “ 

He smiles again at that question. His smile, (Y/N) thinks, ain’t the worst thing she’s ever seen. She wouldn’t mind seeing it more often.

“ No. Why? “ 

“ Mine did. She stopped pretty quickly though, I guess my drawings were too detailed and gory for her.” 

“ Huh. “ 

“ Mmmh.” 

After another sip of coffee, one he takes without grimacing, without showing any sign of disgust for the burnt brew, Bucky speaks up again.

“ Mine thinks I’m lying to her. “ 

“ Are you ?” 

“ Well yeah, but she doesn’t need to know that.” 

“ Maybe telling her the truth would help you. “ (Y/N) suggests only to be met with a determined head shake No from Bucky. 

The notification sound of a phone pulls them from their conversation and at the sight of the name on the display, Bucky lets an “oh shit” slip from his lips.

“ Don’t you sound excited about getting texts from your friends, “ (Y/N) jokes

“ I had a date last night. That’s her. “ 

“ Since she’s texting you I assume it went well. “ 

Bucky grimaces at her words, slightly shaking his head in disagreement.

“ No? “ 

“ I mean, I had fun and it went well — at first. She’s really sweet. But then we started talking and I may have run. “ 

“ Ran where? “ 

“ Away. “ 

“ Away as in you left. “ 

“ Mm-mmh” 

“ Just like that? “ 

“ Yup. “ 

“ Why? “ 

He throws up his arms in frustration and shakes his head again as if to gather all his thoughts and rattle them neatly back into place. 

“ I don’t know, okay? I haven’t been on a date since the 1940s. Everything I know about women and dating and romance seems antiquated. I’m overwhelmed and confused and I just don’t wanna do anything wrong.” 

“ Dude, you ran from your date without any explanation. How much worse could you have handled it? “ 

“ Yeah well, hindsight is 20/20. “ 

While his words try to sound light and nonchalant, his shoulders tense and his whole demeanor seems to shift back into the gloomy state he’s been in since he entered the diner. Like a big cloud that’s following him around, casting shadows at all times and hardly allowing any light to shine through.

“ Look, I don’t think any of us know what the heck we’re doing half the time. Like, trust me I know what I’m talking about. Online dating means I have to choose between men who think posing with a dead fish will make me want to sleep with them, men who think knowing obscure Star Wars facts can replace having an actual personality, and men who send me pictures of their … privates without me ever giving any indication of wanting to see those. So yeah — dating can really s - be frustrating. “ 

Bucky regards her for a second, the right corner of his lips pulled into a lazy lopsided smirk.

“ Did you just censor yourself because you don’t wanna swear around me ?” 

“ Maybe, but that’s beside the point. The point is, we’re all just human and in the end, we’re all just looking for someone to like us the way we are, all quirks and issues and baggage included. I know women might seem intimidating but really all we want is to be loved and appreciated. And not the over-the-top build-you-a-house, the notebook kind of love. More like the Harry and Sally kind.“ 

(Y/N) can almost see the gears working inside Bucky’s brain, the desperate attempt to make any sense of all the words and phrases she’s just thrown at him. A jumbled mess of pop culture references swirls through his head like a swarm of bees, chaotic and messy. 

“ I have no idea what you just said. “ 

“ When Harry met Sally? “

Bucky just shrugs and shakes his head.

“ You’ve never seen it? “ 

“ I’ve been a bit preoccupied with being blipped away into oblivion for the last 5 years. So I haven’t really had the time to get into movies yet. “ 

This time it’s the gears in her own head that start turning. 

“ What are you doing Friday night ? “ she asks, biting her lip in nervous anticipation.

“ I — I don’t know. “ 

That’s a bit of a lie, really. He does know. It’s the same thing he does pretty much every other day. He gets some takeout, brings it home, sits down in front of the tv, tries to get lost in whatever show they put on, fails at doing so, reads a few pages of a book, lays down to sleep, and then wakes up a little while later to yet another nightmare, tangled up in sweaty sheets, heart racing. 

(Y/N) doesn’t need to know any of that though. He doesn’t tell his therapist so why would he tell a random stranger.

“ Well, don’t make any plans. We’re gonna kill 2 birds with 1 stone. “ 

“ We are? “ 

“ Yeah. Trust me on this one. “ 

“ I don’t even know you. “ 

“ Sure you do. “ (Y/N) says and taps the tag pinned to her baby blue polo shirt with the diner’s logo on the back.  “ I’m the one who serves you just enough coffee to keep you happy but not have you die a painful and honestly mildly embarrassing death. “ 

Every part of him screams at him to say no. To stay away from her the way he does from most other people, even Sam. To get up and get out and not cause any more damage than he already has in other people’s life. But then he remembers his therapist's words, he remembers Leah’s face full of confusion and disappointment, he remembers the empty feeling in his chest. That feeling of pure and utter loneliness. 

“ Alright, Friday works for me, (Y/N). “ 

“ Perfect, Bucky. “ 

“ Bring a jacket. “ 

The address and “Bring a jacket” that’s all she’s texted him. No explanation, no plan, nothing. 

Bucks leans against the streetlamp, hands stuffed deep into the pockets of his leather jacket. Anxiety is washing through his system like tidal waves on a stormy ocean. This whole being spontaneous thing was much easier back in the 40s. When his shoulders weren’t so heavy with guilt. When he didn’t have to constantly face the consequences of his actions. Consequences of a past he can never quite outrun no matter how far he goes and how hard he tries. 

Maybe this is good, he has to remind himself. Getting out of his comfort zone, if that even exists for him. Opening himself up to new opportunities. Maybe even make a friend. (Y/N) seem nice enough, if a bit peculiar. 

His shrink would be proud of him. Getting out there, talking to people, being approachable. This must for sure earn him some kind of gold star equivalent in her notebook. 

“ Hey there, Mr. Grumpyface. “ 

(Y/N)'s voice cuts through the chilly New York night like headlights through thick fog. She strolls towards him, lips pulled into a big bright smile. Leading up to tonight he’s spent quite a lot of time wondering if this is some kind of project for her, if maybe she sees him as a sort of charity case. Something to earn her karma points. It wouldn’t be the first time. But the genuine joy radiating from her face lets those worries melt away instantly. 

Maybe, Bucky thinks, she really just thinks he’ll make a good friend. And maybe he can. 

“ Hi, (Y/N). “

“ You brought a jacket” she points out, pinching the black leather between her fingers. Her nails are painted in various shades of red, each finger a different hue. 

“ I did. You told me to. “

“ And you listened! “ 

“ Why wouldn’t I ? “ Bucky inquires, a look of confusion settling on his face.

“ You wouldn’t believe how many men think wearing a jacket when it’s cold out somehow clashes with their need to demonstrate their masculinity. “ 

“ Wow. “ he exclaims.

“ Yeah. So anyway, you ready to go up? “ 

She nods her head towards the house across the street. It’s a slim multiple-story brick building with rusty fire escapes. It looks like a residential lot, not much else that could give away (Y/N)’s plan for the rest of the night.

“ Up? “ 

“ Mm-mh. “ (Y/N) nods and motions towards the top of the building. “ to the roof. “ 

“ The roof? You’re not planning to push me off or anything, right? I don’t usually spend time with strangers on rooftops. “ he tells her, a smirk lifting the sides of his lips.

She grants him a smile in return. One of those that you try so hard to suppress but despite your best efforts they find their way onto your face anyway. Because some smiles demand to be smiled. And her smile is pretty cute, he thinks, it deserves to be seen. 

“ Foiled again, damn Bucky. I’m a waitress with a useless degree in literature and creative writing but assassinating you was exactly what I had planned for tonight. Couldn’t let me have that one, huh? “ 

“ Sorry to spoil all the fun. “ 

She softly bumps her shoulder against his right side as she passes him and crosses the street. Her red skirt flutters around her knees like a ribbon of fire, bright and warm and —

“ You coming, grumpy ?” 

“ Yeah uh — yeah sure. “ 

The walk upstairs is filled with chatter from her and nodding from Bucky. It’s been like this most of the time since — well since he’s really back. Other people usually do the talking and Bucky listens. It works most of the time. Works with Yori. Sometimes though, sometimes it doesn’t. He can see people getting frustrated with him. Hell his own therapist does and she knows the baggage he has to carry around. 

This is different though, (Y/N) doesn’t seem to mind much. She’s a waterfall of words and topics and doesn’t seem to get bored or annoyed with him. It’s nice. 

A heavy iron door swings open as they reach the top of the building and as soon as they step out onto the rooftop balcony they get engulfed in an ocean of lights. They’re strung from one end of the roof to the other and back again. Next to the door, a little makeshift bar is set up, and a guy in a Star Wars shirt hands out beers to people. 

Multicolored deck chairs and beanbags are haphazardly placed across the entire roof, all pointing towards the corner furthest away from the door where a big white sheet hangs spanned between two poles. 

“ Sooo you gonna tell me what we’re doing here? “ Bucky asks again as (Y/N) steers him towards a cluster of chairs in the back. 

“ Some peeps I went to university with, set up movie screenings here every once in a while. I could pull some strings and got to choose the movie. “ 

“ We’re gonna watch a movie? “ 

“ Not just any movie, “ she exclaims and drops down onto one of the plastic deck chairs that looks like it used to be bright pink once but is now but a bleached blush colour from being exposed to the sun too much. “ We’re watching when Harry met Sally. “ 

Bucky slumps down on the chair next to her, a blue one with white daisy patterns. 

“ Me not knowing this movie really does bother you, huh? “ 

“ It’s a classic, might as well start with this one. And anyway, maybe this can help you get back into the dating game. Ya know, help you understand modern romance. “

“ You think so? “ 

She shrugs and starts fumbling around in her bag, “ I dunno. It might. And if it doesn’t at least you’ll spend your time watching a good movie and get to experience the blessing of my company. Ah-ha! There you go “ 

Her hand reaches out holding a bag of M&Ms.

“ I brought snacks. “ 

More and more people start occupying the chairs and bean bags and a few minutes later a guy steps up in front of the sheet. He’s wearing a shirt with a black and white bird pattern, huge glasses with a brown frame, and jeans that don’t cover his ankles. He’s tall and lanky and his hair is so messy, Bucky wonders if it’s intentional or if he just hasn’t brushed it in a while. 

“ Hi guys, I’m Andrew. For those of you who don’t know me, I live in apartment 2B and I just wanna say thank you for showing up and welcome you to our movie night under the stars. A few days ago we received a special request from one of our good friends and because she let me stay on her couch for several months back during our college days and I still owe her for that I couldn’t reject her request. So thanks to Miss (Y/N) over there in the pink chair you now get to spend the next 90 minutes watching Meg Ryan fall in love with Mike Wazowski. Enjoy. “ 

As he steps away from the sheet, the lights are turned off and the MGM logo pops up on the screen. 

“ Trust me, Bucky. This one’s so good.” (Y/N) assures before throwing some M&Ms into her mouth, now entirely focused on the movie.

It takes a while for Bucky to relax. Being around so many people and not having any fear of what’s lurking around the corner is still very new. Letting go is never as easy as it sounds. Eventually though, his nerves settle down a little and as the movie progresses, he finds himself relaxing more and more. Something he hasn’t done in a long time. Not since Wakanda.

Exactly 46 minutes into the movie, (Y/N) lets her eyes wander to her left where Bucky, until now, sat slumped into his seat. Still perpetually grumpy but more chilled out and relaxed than she’s seen him before. Until now. A moaning Meg Ryan visible making him uncomfortable.

“ You okay, grumpy? “ 

He doesn’t grant her a real answer, just scoffs and rolls his eyes. There’s a smile though, she’s sure. Somewhere hidden there is another smile. 

“ So, what did we learn today? “ 

Bucky looks at (Y/N) who has her arms wrapped tightly around her middle shielding herself from the chilly night air. The movie night has ended a while ago and the two of them are slowly strolling along the New York City streets on the way back to (Y/N)’s apartment. 

“ To take your own advice and dress warmer for a movie night? “ 

(Y/N) chuckles. “ No, grumpy. I meant the movie. “ 

He shrugs at her question. Quite honestly he hasn’t learned anything new. Nothing about the movie seemed in any way revolutionary to him nor does he see any benefit for himself and his dating life going forward. But the way she looks at him right now, expecting something grand not from him really but some beautiful consequences to her ideas, that makes him reconsider. Sure he could tell her that it was just a silly little movie about people falling in love but that would no doubt hurt her, even a tiny little bit. And if there’s anything Bucky has enough of, it’s hurting others. 

“ I guess that men and women really can not be friends. “ 

“ Noooo! No. Is that really what you took from this movie? “ 

“ That’s literally what happened. “ 

“ Okay first of all it works, look at us! We’re friends! Second of all, that’s not what the movie is really about. It’s about love and vulnerability. It’s about overcoming all the tiny things that can work against you and your relationship. Like distance and timing and egotism. It’s about hiding who you are because really opening up to someone, being your authentic true self with all your faults and imperfections, that makes you vulnerable. And being vulnerable is fucking scary. But love is worth it anyway. That’s what the movie is about. “

As Bucky noticed before, some smiles demand to be smiled. They need to be smiled because they’re important and they mean something. The one gracing his face now, that’s one of those. One of those you remember because you feel them all the way in your heart.

“ You think we’re friends? “ 

“ Oh, are we — are we not? “ 

“ No. I — no, we are! I’d like to be friends. “ 

(Y/N) abruptly stops in her tracks, turns towards him, and holds out her hand. “ To friendship.” 

“ We’re shaking hands on it? What is this, a business deal? “ 

“ You know what, yeah now that you mention it that’s pretty lame. “ (Y/N) agrees, balling her hand into a fist “ how about a fist bump, bro? “ 

Bucky reluctantly knocks his right hand against hers before continuing his walk down the street. “You call me bro again I’m canceling the friendship. “ 

“ Alright. Noted. “ 

“ So have you talked to the girl again? “ 

“ Hmm? “ 

“ The one you went on a date with? “ 

“ Oh, Leah. Uh — no.” 

“ Why not? “ 

Bucky throws her a look. One that says “are you kidding me?”. One that says “ you know why.” 

“ Cause I ran out. That’s embarrassing. She’s gonna think I’m insane. She’s never gonna wanna see me again. “ 

“ I sincerely doubt that. You just gotta say sorry. I know in Love Story — that’s a novel and also a movie from the 70s — they say that ‘Love means never having to say you’re sorry but that’s a load of bull. Just say sorry and ask her for a do-over. “ 

“ And then what? We play a rematch of battleships and talk about my trauma? “ 

“ Well, what did you do on dates in the 40s? “ 

That time, his youth, that seems like a different life altogether now. So much happened between then and now and the man he is now, has no relation to the boy he was then. Sometimes looking back hurts, makes it painfully obvious what he’s lost. But sometimes, like tonight, he can feel a hint of fondness coursing through him at the thought of times long gone.

“ Dancing, mostly.” 

“ Like, ballroom dancing? “ 

“ Swing. “ 

“ You swing dance? “ 

“ I did. “ 

(Y/N) regards him through squinted eyes “ really? “ 

“ You don’t believe me? “

“ I don’t know. You don’t strike me as a dancer. “ 

Not a second later, Bucky’s gloved hand grabs onto her’s and twirls her towards him then away from him and back in. 

“ You twirled me! “ 

“ Mm-mh.”

“ I’ve never been twirled. That’s so fun. “ 

It’s like autopilot taking over as Bucky holds onto her, twirling her again then pulling her in and swaying them in a circle. It’s not swing dancing, not even close but there’s no music either, and anyway, his dancing days are over. But sometimes you gotta make a point and if that means slow dancing in the middle of an empty street then that’s that. 

The night wraps them in a blanket of comfort and intimacy as the stars and the New York skyline try to outshine each other. It’s a moment so peaceful, Bucky can’t remember the last time his heart felt so light, his mind felt so at ease, his entire being got to let go and just be alive and in the moment.

And then the shine of headlights rips them from their moment and makes them jump back onto the sidewalk. 

“ Get off the road you fucking morons! “ 

“ Gotta love the big city folk. “ 

“ Yup. “ 

“ Hey, Bucky.” 

“ What? “ 

“ You really can dance.” 

“ Told you. “ 

“ Can I tell you a secret? “ 

“ Sure. “ 

“ I can’t dance for shit. “ 

“ That so? “

“ Yup. Which means you gotta teach me. “ 

“ Absolutely not.” 

“ Oh, 100%! “ 

“ We’ll see about that.” 

There are nights you try to forget. Nights that you wish to never ever remember. Ones that break you. That beat you down and leave you bruised and battered.

Then there are nights like this one that you want to hold onto for just a little bit longer. Those that fill you with joy and an immeasurable thirst for life. The ones that make you feel grateful to be alive right here and now. 

The inevitable end of the night creeps closer as they arrive at (Y/N)’s front door. Neither of them really want to say goodnight but both know there’s no use in delaying it.

“ I hope you didn’t hate the movie too much, “ (Y/N) speaks up, leaning against the front door of her apartment complex.

“ No. It was fun! Although I still don’t know who Mike Wazulsky is. “ 

“ Mike Wazowski, he’s — you know what? That’s a conversation for another time. “ 

“ Alright, if you say so. “ 

“ Thanks for walking me home. “ 

“ Oh, yeah no need to thank me. It’s the right thing to do. “ 

For a moment they just stand and smile, trying to cherish the last few moments of this night. 

“ We should do this more often. “ Bucky suggests, surprising even himself.

“ For sure. I still have so many movies to show you. “ 

“ Can’t wait. “ 

A slight sense of awkwardness falls over them as neither of them knows what to do. Go for a hug? Shakes hands? Wave goodbye? 

“ I uh — I should go. “ 

“ Yeah, of course. Have a good night, Bucky.” 

“ You too, (Y/N).” 

“ Oh and Bucky? “ 

“ Yes? “ 

“ Give Leah a call. “ 

Bucky nods his head before turning around and walking back into the night.

As he takes the way back to his own home, there are only two things on Bucky’s mind: the vulnerability of falling in love and the question of who the hell Mike Wazowski was. 

[draco-and-tom]

heyyy could you do a bill Weasley smut alphabet? thank you love your work:)

A/N: Hello! I'm so glad that you like my writing and hope that you enjoy your special request. I love you all, make sure to eat and drink water <3

WARNINGS: Too many to list, if smut makes you uncomfortable don't read <3

REQUEST: YES/NO

A- After Care (how they act after)

After Sex Bill tends to pull the covers over you and wrap his arms around you, saying nothing but how much he loves you and how good you did…… how sweet.

B- Body Part (Their favorite parts of your/their body, sexual or not)

His-

Bill’s favorite part of his own body would have to be his hands. He loves them the most because of how you can react to the touch of them in many different ways, he knows you love it.

Yours (sexual)-

This man l o v e s your boobs with every fiber of his being and he makes sure you know it too. He loves to pepper them with kisses and love bites and you tend to catch him looking down your shirt quite often.

Yours (non-sexual)-

To him, your hips are quite beautiful. Sometimes you’ll wear an outfit that compliments your figure so well he can't help but repeat how gorgeous you look, He’ll even brag to others.

C- Cum (read at your own risk just….cum)

Bill has two favorite ways. One of them is to cum on you, he’ll swear up and down that it’s the hottest thing he’s ever seen. The other way he loves to cum is in your mouth. He likes to watch you try to swallow it, sometimes dripping from your mouth…… let's just say that makes him want more. When it comes to your cum Bill lives for it. After you fuck he tends to lick you clean until you're pushing his head away from sensitiveness, and sometimes he refuses.

D- Do’s and Dont’s (What they like and hate during)

Do’s- Bill loves when you whimper out of nowhere. Like that one time that you sat on his lap and accidentally made that noise? Yeah… that.

Dont’s- Don'ts talk about you ex during…. He doesn't know how to respond and immediately gets turned off.

E- Experience (have they done this before)

When you and Bill started dating he was experienced in some areas. He had received plenty of rushed hand jobs, and given girls help at times, but nothing as far as actual sex which made him a little nervous when you both got sexual together. After he understood that he was doing well he ended up being cocky. That little shit.

F- Favorite Positions(s) (where they like it ;))

Bill l o v e s the bicycle position. It drives him insane when he gets to watch you tighten around him.

G- Goofy (do they joke around during sex)

Bill tends to be very loving during, but sometimes he’ll joke around about how needy you are for him.

H- Hair (are they groomed)

Bill actually tends to have his pubes very well-groomed. For some reason, that's one of his favorite things to do for self-care.

I- Intimacy (are they romantic during)

Bill is most definitely more on the romantic side. He’s always whispering how beautiful you are, how you're the one he wants forever, sappy stuff like that. He likes to kiss you everywhere he can because he feels as though his words aren't good enough at describing how much he loves you. Bill does have his rough days though. Sometimes he’ll have a bad day and taking it out on you through sex, not that either of you mind, he makes sure he’s always careful.

J- Jerking off (masturbation)

Bill loves when you tease him through masturbating. When you two are alone it drives him insane to hear his name fall off of your lips, making you whine without touching you at all.

K- Kink(s) (what are they into)

Bill is big on praise and degradation, there is never a middle ground. Bill is obsessed with the marks you make on his back. He loves the feeling of your nails scraping down his back and when he sees them for the next few days he can't help but tease you about it.

L- Location (where do they have the most fun)

Bill and you always have sex in private. He wants to make sure that he’s the only one to see and hear you in such a state. The closest to public sex you and Bill have ever had was one night at the burrow in his childhood room. M- Motivation (turn-ons)

Again, Masturbation. Hearing his name falling from your lips like that is one of the hottest things he’s ever seen. Another thing that tends to get Bill horny is when you talk about things you are passionate about. He knows it sounds weird, but he loves how independent and strong you are.

N- No (something they would never do)

Public sex. Bill is up for minorly public sex, like fucking on a couch while your friends are outside, but never anything extremely public.

O- Oral (giving/receiving)

If Bill was to tell you the truth he likes eating you out more than your blowjobs, and he loves those too. Bill tends to get overwhelmed with the taste of your arousal and the rock of your hips and begins to moan against you.

This man swears that you have the best mouth he’s ever seen and felt. He always tries to look at you during, but that's quickly thrown out the window, him losing eye contact to throw his head back.

P- Pace (how fast do they go?)

Bill is very much a teaser so he tends to start slow. You always end up winning anyway, by the end he’s going pretty fast.

Q- Quickies (their opinion on quick sex)

Bill doesn’t like quickies. The only exception is either when he has a bad day or if you want it quick and rough one day. He just wants to make sure you feel loved.

R- Risk (What will they try)

He is down to try anything you ask him but tends to get nervous when he asks you about trying something new. You have to remind him that he shouldn't be embarrassed about wanting to add something new.

S- Stamina (# of rounds)

Bill can go around 5 rounds if he really wants, but most of the time you both just want to cuddle after one or two rounds.

T-Toys (do they own any)

Bill has vibrators in his nightstand drawer, ready to use if he wants to tease you.

U- Unfair (do they like teasing/being teased)

Bill loves teasing you and being teased. He’s in love with your teasing and can't get enough of the noises you make when the roles are reversed.

V- Volume (How loud they are)

The ginger tends to raise his voice slightly, but not a lot. His voice may not get very loud but you can tell how he feels by the pitch, his voice gets deep.

W- Wild Card (random headcanon)

You and Bill started dating during your 5th year at Hogwarts and had your official first time with each other. He made sure that everything was perfect. He lit candles made you a bubble bath for afterward, the whole nine yards. You knew then that you were never letting him go.

X- X-ray (size)

Bill is pretty big, but not too big. He’s pretty long and makes sure that you know it.

Y- Yearning (how often do they want you)

He gets needy at least once a month but is pretty much always down for a round if you need it.

Z- ZzZ (how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

After sex, you both fall asleep really quickly, the comfort of being in the other's arms finally getting to you.

[pixie-cocaine]

ATEEZ Reaction To: Having a wet dream about you

yourusernames: Omg can I request ATEEZ reaction to having a wet dream about their friend? (Who would start developing a crush, who would want to have a one night stand and who wouldn't care at all?) Thanks!!

A/N: These reactions are based solely off of what I think they’d do, I am in no way, shape or form, telling you that this IS how the members would handle this scenario. Like shit, I dunno the guys :/. This is a gender neutral reader reaction btw :)

(This is very explicit, you have been warned!!!)

Hongjoong ♡:

• It felt like the actual thing

• Your lips; sweet like pink lemonade and eyes staring into his with a soft sparkle that originated from his bedside lamp

• but what felt more real than anything was you

• Your scent, your taste

• Your touch...

• It was all overwhelming in the sense that he found himself breaking out of his dreaming state, breath heavy as if he’d been sprinting for hours, and a lusty sheen screening his mind from acting with any sense of rationality

• He was horny horny, dawg 💀

• I feel for that man, it’s tough...

• He could already tell that he had an...accident, before he pushed the duvet off his body due to registering the last couple twitches of his restricted cock in his shorts

• No wonder he could ‘feel’ everything so well

• He wasn’t able to sleep the rest of the night.

• Couldn’t help but begin to feel a crush blossom for you

• As y’all already know, the man gets attached to the ones he spends the most time with

• You’re no exception

• Would end up telling you about his feelings. It was eating him up inside to keep it to himself

Seonghwa ♡:

• He has no right looking this good, dawg. It literally makes me so mad lmao

• Lemme lick your face, I bet it tastes like expensive concealer and everything I’ll never have >:}

• Anywhore

• He felt feverish, even inside his dream

• It was odd; he could feel you, but he couldn’t feel you. He remembers the surreal sensation of warmth under his palms as he grabbed onto your bare ass whilst you bounced you on top of him, panting hard and clutching at his damp hair to pull his head back

• He groaned, and just as he went to switch positions, he was snapped out of his dream

• Was like “Fuckin pardon?” when he realised where he was; his empty bed, alone in his own room, no sign of you

• Frowned, pushing the covers off of him because dawg, he was heating up OwO

• Then realised the large wet spot at the front of his sweatpants

• “What the...”

• Was never the same™ 

• Everytime he saw you, he couldn’t help but feel that same heat in his hands, and he felt guilty about it. 

• Didn’t know how to approach you about it at all. What was he supposed to say?

• “I nutted in my pants because I dreamt about doing the dirty with you”

• Just wouldn’t bring it up

• Good chance he’d catch feelings. Seonghwa builds bonds with the people he knows, it’s very easy to tell that when he cares, and he would care dearly for you. Once the chance that anything intimate between you two arises, I’m sure he’d begin to think of you romantically once you’re shown in said light.

Yunho ♡:

• Now wouldn’t a flustered Yunho be a sight? Damn...

• He loved looking down at you

• The way you smiled at him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling his bare chest into yours as you whispered how good he felt inside you, cooing out words of praise and encouragment 

• It was hazy, but he can still vaguely remember how you kissed him so sweetly. How your fingers smoothed his bangs away from his eyes, and how you moaned into his ear softly with each thrust

• It was only when you cupped his cheeks and spoke, did you break him out of his dream;

• “Wake up.”

• His eyes shot open

• Only a blue ceiling stared back

• “Mmm...?” Yunho sits up and rubs his eyes roughly, already aware of the blush that paints his cheeks and nose because he can feel the heat in his face

• Said ‘What the fawk 😃’ when his brain caught up with what he just experienced, as well as the stickiness that clung to his inner thighs when he moved to go get some water

• This bitch was contemplating his whole life after that

• Is ‘UwU’ with you from then on cuz a babie caught butterfwies ;(

• Rlly bad at hiding his feelings lol, you’d catch on eventually

Yeosang ♡:

• It was messy, to say the least

• Kitchen island sex? Yup :D

• The dream wasn’t at all put into play with any sense. You guys were just... in the kitchen, when you confessed your feelings and made a move on him

• A deep kiss mixed with the pounding of nervous hearts all put Yeosang in a fever outside of his dream

• “Say you like it,” You panted, using the hand on the back of his head to push his forehead against yours while the other kept you from laying onto the island

• “I like it.. Fuck, I like it”

• “Yeah?” His hips stutter when you clench your walls around him, and in turn, he lets out a choked-off gasp

• “Y一Oh my god一Yeah...”

• Damn... he was FEELING it lmao

• Funny thing is that he slept throughout the entire dream and woke up only when his foot did a little mid-sleep spasm

• Stared at the wall while frowning for soooooo fucking long

• Whole time he said ‘ya know wot, that’s real interesting 🤔’

• Then was like “Prolly just horny 😃. oh well, time to change my underwear”

• And that’s what he chalked it up to in the end. Would maybe make a joke about it to you next time y’all hung out if he’s feeling loose enough and doesn’t mull over it for too long

San ♡:

• HEATHEN

• Hold on, lemme get a half-assed feel for the man... yes... mm-hm... ah, I see... OK!

• So, from what I can tell, San would distance himself from you slightly. Maybe. 

• That night, as he lie in his bed, breath coming faster with each motion that went on in his head, he saw you in a way that he never thought would happen.

• Skin, slick with sweat and eyes like burning coals as they focused on him. There wasn’t much to remember before it was already fading, but he could still make out how much his stomach lept and spun, heart oh-so thunderous in his chest. Whatever you did with him in the dream... it sparked something inside him.

• San was in a daze as he woke up, his body not quite cooperating with him when he tried to sit up, and instead, falling limp with the next couple of attempts.

• WHEN I TELL YOU THE SOUL WAS SUCKED FROM THIS MAN AISDIUBFADEBI-

• Really just stared into space with the look of a dead man

• What did he do when he finally saw you again?

•  ✨ pretend he didn’t see shit ✨

• Not the masked uncomfort-

• Depending on whether you’re one for confrontation, he might just cave if you press him about his weird behavior enough, but be fast, because I’m sure he could push his feelings down succesfully if he tried hard enough.

Mingi ♡:

• Dude... the fucking happiness of the dream...

• Silly giggles when you’d accidentally bonk eachother while switching posititons, bright smiles when you stared at eachother after a long time, random compliments, and nothing too serious that you couldn’t find playfulness in. Even when you’d both stop smiling to let out small moans and feel the moment together, it was always lighthearted.

• FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK IM SO ANGRY-

• It was some shit you’d see at the sundance ;(

• Then he woke up-

• You were the first and only thing he thought about as he gained conciousness. He wanted you... you, you, you, just you.

• He’d never wanted anything so bad. A sudden longing that made a lump form in his throat and an overwhelming feeling of how much he’s always wanted you.

• So, like Mingi does, he strived for that goal >:D

• He made an effort to see you as many times as he could and whenever you were free to hang out. And finally, one night when you both lie in his bed and gazed thoughtlessly at the ceiling, he told you.

• “I had a dream about you, you know.”

Not me basically making a summary of a could-be fic-

Wooyoung ♡:

• Now believe it or not, this bitch is hard for me to get a grasp on. All I can say with confidence is that he has the sex appeal of a milf stripper and is kinda stubborn-

• Hmm.... bothered.

• That is the feeling it would pull from him.

• Hungry; frequent patterns of warm breath against sweat-slicked skin, mumbled curses past wet lips, nails dug into his stomach deep enough to draw blood yet barely acknowledged through animalistic films over both your eyes, and teeth furrowed into the flesh of his shoulder as you scratched at the blank canvas of his back.

• It was all raw sexual aggression from both sides. So much so, that you both practically fought during it.

“I hate you. I hate you like you don’t even know, Wooyoung,” You speak, breathless, and reach up to weave both fists into his hair, “I love you so much that I fucking... hate you.”

• Then...

• Gone.

• Just like that, the dream was replaced with the sight of familiar bedroom walls as Wooyoung opened his eyes, a sigh escaping past his lips when he finally pieced things together.

• “As if I wasn’t already stressed enough...,” He murmurs, staring down at the new stain on his sweatpants.

• From that point on, it’s a new habit for Wooyoung to catch sight of you and keep his gaze there; just staring when you’re not looking, and feeling terrible afterwards. He feels like he violated you somehow, and with that ball of dread in his stomach whenever he sees you, he becomes distant.

• It’s not catching feelings so much as it is a new desire.

Jongho ♡:

• Jongho, Jongho, Jongho... whatever will we do with you?

• Upfront about it, surprisingly.

• He caught feelings. How could he not when you’re one of the most breath-taking people he’s ever had the pleasure of knowing?

• That face of yours, along with your voice so soft and encouraging in his ears, was enough for him to cave.

• “Just like that, baby... Just like that.”

• He doesn’t even remember the details of the dream. Just your words and kisses, which still make the touched skin of his body heat with excitement whilst he blinks down at his hands.

• He clenches them; one, twice, then lets them fall back to his sides. He doesn’t need to look into his pants to know that he’s soiled himself.

• He feels kinda... empty? After the dream. Lmao just as exhausted as San was, really, but both at the fluttering his heart when he thinks of you, and the dream itself, so cleans himself up real quick before going back to sleep. 

• The fluttering doesn’t go away the next morning.

• So... he tells you :D

• As soon as you walk through the door, holding a bag of snacks and drinks for preparation to crash at Jongho’s apartment for a little bit, he sits you down on the couch, much to your confusion at the serious face he has.

• “I know that this kind of thing can ruin friendships and I don’t want that. At all. But, I had a... dream, about you last night and now I can’t really stop thinking about you...”

• Not the pounding of his heart making him dizzy :*

[ilovebeing-weird]

The bats' secrets

Tim Drake was a duck, no he was three ducks impersonating a human. He was the ducks you saw in duck tales covered by a trench coat. Contrary to popular belief he wasn't a human. Wanna know why he is a genius? Because he is three ducks as one human. And ducks are intelligent apparently.

Wanna know why is she so awkward? Because duck! He didn't know what to do in the human world! He lived with animals all his life.

Shocked? That's what Marinette was feeling right now. Her boyfriend wanted to tell her a big secret and she didn't know what could be a bigger secret than him being Red Robin, but there was! He wasn't a human!

Now what's next? Huh? Jason's Donald? Here to take care of his three nephews, and went ape shit when he saw his nephews nowhere. He must've thought that "Tim" had eaten them. This actually made sense. Donald did have a hell of a temper.

One of the ducks whom Marinette presumed was Lui stepped forward. "I know that it must be hard for you to process Marinette but I wanted to be honest with you. I couldn't lie anymore. I am really sorry."

Marinette actually didn't know how to process that so she ran away. She knew that Ti- no, the ducks must've expected it because they didn't follow herher or tried to stop her and she was thankful for it. She ran to her and Tim's shared room before deciding against it and running to a guest room. (She could've walked but that wouldn't have been dramatic enough)

Marinette collapsed against a wall (dramatically) and sat there not knowing what to feel. She wanted to cry and scream but she also wanted to laugh. Because if you remove the whole 'my boyfriend lied to me about being a human which is actually the weirdest lie I have heard in my life and I don't know what's real anymore and what's fake' this situation was actually really funny.

Before Marinette could figure out her thoughts a knock sounded at her door. She opened the door expecting the ducks or anyone but Bruce. He awkwardly stood there for a while and they just stared at each other for a while before Bruce spoke, "I-uh-heard what happened between you and Ti-." Before Bruce could finish his sentence, Marinette interrupted him.

"Please don't call them that." Marinette averted her eyes. Bruce nodded, understanding her feelings. What the fuck was even happening anymore. Marinette had no idea. Life actually stopped making sense when she discovered that her boyfriend was Red Robin.

Marinette motioned for Bruce to come in and sit down and he began speaking again "So yeah, I heard that you know who, isn't a human? I know that it must be hard. Because you loved him. And uh, I won't say that I understand all of this because I obviously don't, and um. I don't think I have anything else to say." Bruce said, getting up. Marinette got up too and slipped on him. Bruce caught her but Marinette fell on him and before she could comprehend what happened Bruce, or the bats, flew out from the cloak he wore.

Bruce wasn't real either! He was also a bat. Not one bat, 100 bats! what the fuck is happening!? Marinette couldn't contain her scream this time and she screamed and ran away. She wanted to just go home. She wanted to forget about all of this. Just wanted to sleep and wake up to everything normal. No duck boyfriend, no vampire bat human and no Donald Jason. Well, the last one hasn't been proven yet but given the circumstances it may as well be true.

She was about to run out of the manor Alfred stopped her. "Ms. Marinette, please sit down. Dinner would be served soon."

"I-uh, I have to go." Marinette said, fiddling with the hem of shirt. Alfred raised an eyebrow.

"It's very late right now Ms. Marinette, I can't let you go out in this dangerous city alone." Marinette couldn't disagree with Alfred and if she doesn't include the whole duck and bats situation, it was a win. Alfred's cooking was to die for. Marinette sighed and went to the dining table.

There she saw that the ducks (again in the costume) and the bats (also in the costume) were already seated. She almost went to her usual seat next to Tim but decided against it and got seated leaving a gap of two seats between them. Alfred raised an eyebrow but didn't comment otherwise.

One by one everyone (they were all staying at the manor for a while, even Jason. Courtesy of Dick) shuffled in the room. They all looked at her but didn't say anything. Well unless Jason came.

Jason whistled "What's up Replacement? What did you do to anger Pixie-Pop? Huh? You two are not being all sickenly sweet and lovey dovey like usual."

The ducks scowled at him, "I don't wanna talk about it." They glanced at her but went back to their food. Marinette felt kinda bad for them, but then remembered that they hid something so big from her.

Marinette didn't feel like eating, the food Alfred made was obviously delicious but she just wasn't hungry anymore. The occupants in this house were, she didn't even know what to say anymore. Not human? Why would someone lie about being human? That's just, kwami she didn't know what to say. Like, ducks and bats are cool but there's a fucking line. You don't pretend to be human.

Marinette wanted to groan loudly, what the fuck was happening!? This is all so weird. She was snapped out of her thoughts by Damian and the duck's voice fighting "They won't let me pet them father!"

"Damian, what the hell are you talking about!?" The bats were done.

"Drake is three ducks in a trench coat!"

"Get off me!"

"Let me pet you!"

"Damian! Get off Tim!" Dick rushed to his side trying to detach them. He pulled a thrashing Damian and Tim straightened his clothes. "Grayson, let me go!" Damian started kicking Dick but he kept his grip strong. "Dupain-Cheng! Drake is lying to you! He is not a human!"

"What are you talking about Damian?" Dick was confused, really confused. Damian always fought with Tim but he never said something like this. How can Tim not be a human!? "Damian, are you okay?"

"I think you should get some sleep demon spawn, you're behaving weird."

"Shut up Todd!" Damian snarled at Jason. Jason rolled his eyes, used to it all. Marinette had a turmoil growing inside her. Damian knew? All this time, Damian knew!? And he was mad because the ducks won't let him pet them?

Okay, her life couldn't be anymore fucked up now. "Master Tim, are you okay?" Alfred helped them get up from the floor.

"Yeah, yeah, thanks." They smiled at Alfred and went back to the table. Everyone was soon settled back.

"You've been awfully quiet today Sunshine. Is everything okay?" Dick looked at her concerned.

"Let her chill Goldie. She and Timbo had a fight." Marinette sighed internally. This wasn't true but it stopped Dick from pestering her. As soon as she had finished her meal she stood up and went to the guest room she was in before. This earned her some weird looks but they let it slide.

She sat there, her head was spinning, she felt overwhelmed from all of this. Nothing was making sense. Her head was spinning so fast that she blacked out.

Marinette woke up with a start. Tim's arms were wrapped around her protectively. Thankfully, that was all a very weird nightmare. Or was it? What if she wasn't dreaming and they used a machine on her to make it seem like it!?

She heard a groan from her side. "Bean, what happened?" Tim asked groggily. Tim was sleeping, that's a sign of danger if she had ever seen one.

"Nothing mon canard, go back to sleep. I just had a very weird dream." Tim hummed and hugged her tighter. She also went back to sleep. She needed it.

When they woke up the second time Marinette had some questions prepared. "Sooo Tim, have you been craving any bread recently?" Tim gave her a weird look.

"Bean, you okay? You know I don't like bread. Why would I crave bread?"

"Nothing, just had a thought."

"O…kay"

"Well, wanna go swimming in a pond? Have the urge to quack?"

"Mari, is this some kind of weird joke? I get it that my last name means duck but I am not a real duck." Tim asked, glaring at her. Marinette just cheekily smiled at him and went to search for Bruce.

"So, Bruce, I had some questions." Bruce raised an eyebrow at her.

"Go ahead."

"Do you like blood? As in its taste?" Bruce spat out the coffee he was drinking and started coughing.

"Marinette, are you okay?"

"Yep! Anyways, have you been hitting any blood banks recently? Have the urge to tangle your feet in someone's hair? Can you like, see or do you use echolocation?"

Bruce gave her a look which said 'are you okay? Do we need to get you checked? Did you hit your head somewhere?' Marinette just smiled at him.

Bruce just called for Tim and he came rushing down minutes after. "Bruce what happened?" Tim asked, concerned. When Bruce pointed at Mari, Tim knew what was the case.

"Come on Bean, you are gonna stay in bed all day." Tim put one hand on her shoulder and started leading her back to their room. On their way they bumped into Damian.

"Hey Damian!" Marinette chirply waved to him.

"Dupain-Cheng." Damian nodded in acknowledgement.

"Can I ask you something?" Marinette asked. Tim's face paled.

"No, Bean you're sick, let's go to bed. You need sleep." Tim said, pulling her.

"Just one question?" Marinette looked at him with those puppy eyes that he couldn't resist. He sighed and gave in.

"You may ask your question, Dupain-Cheng."

"Is there any particular reason you hate Tim? Do you secretly like him?" Damian glared at Marinette.

"I hate Drake because he is incompetent and not worthy of father's time. Do you want any other reason?"

"Bean, let's just go." Tim finally dragged her to the room and settled her onto the bed.

"What are your thoughts about trench coats? Would you ever wear one?" Tim knew that something was wrong with his girlfriend. He just jumped on the bed with her and cuddled her back to sleep. That's really the only thing he could do.

🐕 dog emoji to apologize