#and jake saying he won't let anything happen to her

[sugarcoated-lame]

katie, my heart !!!! 😭 the angst, the tenderness ugh, this chapter has me feeling so many emotions!!

I'm so glad Apollo finally knows the truth about the first break-in and the note, but I feel for her bc it's terrifying and she must be so hurt that everyone kept it from her ):

And that little moment between Allen and Jake !!! I love it!

“I’m not going to say anything about this, but you know that it’s got to stop,” + “You can’t do your job properly if you’re blinded by your feelings for her.”

Allen being so kind and understanding about Jake's past, and just accepting the fact that him and Apollo clearly have feelings for each other, but telling Jake they have to stop because he cares about her and just wants her to be safe 😭 I'm gonna cry !!

I'm living for the sweet, tender moments between Jake and Apollo, and I love how gentle Jake is with her 😢 the bathtub scene was so soft !!!!!

'Not in the same way, but Jake understands mourning a future that you thought you were going to have. You’ve both had to live with the loss of a future in different ways.' This line stabbed me straight in the heart 💀😭

'It might not have been the one that either of you were planning, but a future like this wouldn’t be so bad.' sighhhhh I love their love, I'm gonna go cry my eyes out now !

I'm so not ready for the inevitable angst I feel coming, but I'm so excited to see what happens next!! ❤️💕

Operation Apollo | 1.6 | Jake Seresin x Reader AU

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Synopsis: After a threat is made against her life, the President’s grown up daughter gets her security tripled. Her long term detail is about to retire and needs replacing, only — she isn’t the easiest to work with. Ex-Navy and current Secret Service, Jake Seresin is devoted to being the best at everything he does. He isn’t going to let a bratty little girl cost him this job.

Warnings: age gap, power imbalance, enemies to lovers, danger and angst. Drinking, mentions of passing out

…

You shouldn’t be listening to this, you’re well aware of that. You had just wanted to find Jake before tonight’s gala and speak with him about what the hell happened in the bathroom earlier. You’re not complaining, but still, it seemed out of character for him.

You want to make sure he’s okay. And show him your dress.

Instead, you’re standing outside of an office, listening to the defence team talking about you. It had taken you a few seconds to realise that it was you that they were talking about.

At first, you had thought that it couldn’t have been you.

If there had been someone in your house at the beginning of summer who had left a threatening note on your pillow, you would have known about it. Allen would have told you about it. You’re sure.

You stand with your back pressed to the wall, listening to them discussing it.

There was someone in your room back in June. They were in there for approximately twelve minutes. There’s no knowledge as to how they got in without being spotted, but there is footage of them leaving.

The letter was graphic, but the team don’t go into detail about what it said. It’s clear that they already know the contents of the letter well enough to not need to be reminded. Including Jake and Manny.

Your stomach drops.

Your security was raised, and yet another invasion happened. Jake argues this point. He reminds them that they’re the one who lowered your threat level again.

The options are: to raise your security further, and have the house manned twenty-four seven with a crew of up to eleven people, or for you to move home.

It’s clear that they’ve got no intention of keeping you in the loop or asking your opinion about any of this.

Being in Texas with Jake had helped you feel safe again, but it was stupid for you to fall for that. You’re in more danger than you thought, and they’ve been lying to you the entire time.

You understand why, it’s just that now you feel stupid. You aren’t stupid. You graduated at the top of your class and you always excelled in your extracurriculars — you’ve made senior politicians look like idiots since you were in middle school. But you trusted that Allen would tell you the truth.

Now, looking back on how you behaved after Jake arrived, you look like an idiot. Thinking you knew better than he did when you didn’t even have half of the information he did.

Your rest your head back against the wall and exhale softly. You need a drink.

Jake’s the first to notice that you’re missing. Manny says he saw you an hour ago leaving your father’s office and looking for Allen. Allen says he hasn’t seen you since this morning.

Jake’s heart thuds in his chest.

Allen’s technically retired now, but the three of them spend the next hour looking for you. Jake’s about ten seconds away from declaring you as officially missing when he gets word from Manny.

“Guys, I found her but I’m going to need some help. Like right now.”

Jake’s heart sinks as he presses the earpiece deeper into his ear. His chest tightens.

“What? Where are you?” Allen speaks first.

“West Hallway bathroom, first floor.” Manny relays.

Jake has been taught never to sprint if it’s not an absolute life or death situation. It just creates panic. He doesn’t have the details yet, he needs to keep this under wraps.

But he walks quickly, stepping around people, bumping into others if they’re particularly unobservant and in his way. The lump in his throat feels like it hasn’t left room for anything else at all.

He frowns, eyes going wide as he rounds into the west hallway. Manny’s standing there, outside of the door, alone. Allen rounds the other end of the hallway, he and Jake head towards Manny together.

“Where is she?” Allen demands.

“In there.” Manny nods towards the door sheepishly. He loosens his tie slightly.

“Why do you need help to stand and watch the door while she uses the bathroom?” Allen rolls his eyes, immediately relieved for this situation fo have played out the way that it has. Jake isn’t so quick to relax.

Manny opens his mouth to answer, interrupted by the sound of retching from inside. He closes his mouth and looks silently between Jake and Allen, then bows his head, “She locked the door.”

“You’re in the fucking secret service and you can’t get through a bathroom door lock?” Jake sighs. He brushes Manny out of the way and shoves a hand into his pocket, retrieving a coin. He sets it into the slot in the door and twists, pushing the lock back.

“I could — but I didn’t want to —“

Jake tries the door handle. The door opens a fraction and then your foot hits it, you kick it shut behind you. “Leave me alone!”

“She’s drunk.” Allen shakes his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Y’know, I don’t know what they pay you two knuckleheads—“

“Us? — Where the fuck have you been all night?” Jake challenges, brows furrowing as he turns towards Allen. “She went off looking for you!”

“Get out of my face, kid.” Allen answers.

“Fuck — can both of you fucking stop it? — If her dad sees her like this, we’re dead. If a journalist sees her like this, we’re worse than dead.” Manny reminds the two of them.

Jake sighs, lifting his hand and pinching the bridge of his nose. He looks around them. The hallway currently is empty.

“I mean, the cameras are going to catch this anyway.” Allen points up. Jake and Manny lift their heads. There is a visible camera in the middle of the ceiling, but they’re both aware there are more that are harder to spot.

Allen comes up with the plan quickly. He isn’t as incompetent as Jake had grown to believe. Manny runs interference, making sure the hallways up ahead are clear and that no one is going to run into you.

Jake and Allen carry you to your room, then the plan is for Allen to go and speak to Paul — he’s the guy who deals with the footage, and explain what happened.

Allen notices the platonic way Jake touches you. It’s too regimented, like he knows that one finger out of place is going to get him in trouble. Like they weren’t already, Allen’s suspicions just keep getting confirmed.

Once you’re inside of your room and the door is safely shut behind you, Jake lets Allen lift you off of your feet and set you down on your bed.

You’ve been drunkenly complaining the entire time, and you don’t stop now. You writhe out of Allen’s grasp the moment you touch your mattress, groaning in frustration.

“I want Jake.” You complain, pushing against Allen’s hands. You can barely keep your eyes open, but you know that it’s not Jake touching you.

Allen’s head turns and Jake tenses. He stares at the older man with about as much calm as he can muster. Allen knows, he has spent all day knowing, but seeing the way that Jake straightens up and forces a calm and collected expression — that’s about as much of a confirmation as he’s going to get.

“Can Jake stay with me?” You interrupt them staring at each other. You words are slurred but both of them understand what you’re asking.

Allen stands up straight and turns towards Jake. Jake doesn’t react in the slightest, but that’s an admission of guilt in itself.

“Well, someone’s got to, sweetheart,” Allen answers softly, nodding his head slowly without taking his eyes off of Jake. Jake’s brows furrow slightly. “You want him to stay?”

You nod and make a tired sound of agreement, face pushed into your pillows as you curl up on your side.

“Alright,” Allen agrees tenderly, nodding again. Jake’s nose scrunches slightly, confused. “He’s not going anywhere. You just rest up, princess.”

You smile softly as he squeezes your hand and lets it go, visibly relaxing down onto the bed.

Allen crosses the room to stand in front of Jake. He searches Jake’s features for answers.

“I know about your wingman.” Allen tells him quietly, knowing that you’re too drunk to hear their hushed conversation.

“I know.” Jake answers.

He’s grateful, in a way, that Allen didn’t use her name. It’s an odd thing to be protective of, but Jake doesn’t like hearing people say her name.

“Wasn’t your fault.” Allen tells him.

Jake’s brows furrow slightly. He’s been told that a lot, by a lot of different people, but he wasn’t expecting to hear it from Allen. He doesn’t have an answer for once.

“You loved her?” Allen notices Jake tense up at the word love. It was the hardest thing about losing her, that he thought he had time.

They were best friends, they told each other they loved each other all the time. But never like that. Jake just assumed that one day they would. He never got a chance to tell her.

He swallows softly as he nods to Allen.

“Can’t imagine what that was like, son. I’m sorry,” Allen says softly. Jake doesn’t reply. “But you can’t bring that mess here. You can’t let it get in the way of your job.”

“I know, sir.”

This surprises both of them. Allen’s shocked to hear the first polite thing that Jake has said to him in a couple of weeks now.

“I’m not going to say anything about this, but you know that it’s got to stop,” Allen explains calmly. Jake knows that he’s right, but doesn’t like hearing it. “You can’t do your job properly if you’re blinded by your feelings for her.”

Jake’s first instinct is to get defensive. To argue. His initial thought is that he doesn’t need some old man telling him how to do his job. But, then he reminds himself of how much Allen cares for you. He has spent the past seven years putting your life before his.

Jake nods.

“You’re not a bad kid,” Allen decides, reaching out and parting Jake’s arm platonically. “I want you to have a good future. You’ve just gotta make the right choice here.”

“Yes, sir.” Jake answers quietly.

Allen gives one more look back to you, already asleep and curled up on your side. He nods, “Alright. I’ll tell Paul that she’s sick and you’re sitting with her. Don’t make me regret vouching for you.”

“Yes, sir.” Jake agrees again.

Allen gives one last, curt nod and turns from the room. Jake’s left alone with you. You’re passed out, brows knitted together in concern, maybe already caught up in a bad dream.

Jake loosens his tie and pops open the top button of his shirt. He kicks his shoes off and leaves them beside the bed, then leans down to take your heels off. He sets them down beside his.

Finally, he lays down beside you. On top of the covers, curling his body against yours, careful not to disrupt you. He leans down and kisses your forehead gently, already thinking of the argument that this will probably cause in the morning.

That’s a problem for the morning. Jake lays at your side, stroking his fingers tenderly over the exposed skin on your arms, occasionally your hair — though that makes you stir more than touching your skin. He listens to your soft breaths as you relax into his touch.

The pattern of your gentle breathing becomes so familiar that once there’s a disruption, it snaps Jake back to reality immediately. He cranes his neck forwards, careful not to move his body, examining your features.

You stir, pushing against him at first, then pushing into him when you realise he’s there. Your hands move in his direction, searching for him as you come to.

Jake glances over at the alarm clock on the bedside table. 3am. He silently wills you to just go back to sleep so that he can observe how peaceful you look again. He’s sure that he doesn’t look that peaceful when he sleeps, he’s glad that you do.

“Jake?” You whine softly, voice soft. You don’t open your eyes, instead you turn slowly and press your face into his chest.

“I’m here, honey.” He brushes his fingers over the top of your hair, careful not to mess it up too much. A sad noise slips your lips as you pull yourself closer to him.

“I’m sorry.” You whisper.

Jake chuckles breathily, then shakes his head. “We can talk about it in the morning, just go back to sleep.”

“Wanna take a shower.” You tell him tiredly.

“Right now?” Jake questions, half-concerned that you’ll drown given how drunk you were a couple of hours ago. You nod against his chest. “I don’t think that sounds like a good idea.”

You hum softly like you’re agreeing with him. Jake’s just in the middle of thinking how easy that was to get you to give in when you speak up again.

“What if you took a bath with me?”

He looks towards your en-suite, then back down at you. He shoots a quick glance towards the door. There’s a chance someone could come check on the two of you. Jake looks down and brushes your hair off of your face.

“Honey.”

All signs point to it being the wrong thing to do.

“Please.” You mumble into his shirt, running your fingers along his stomach. You lift your head and look up, blinking tiredly at him. One look at your face and the word no slips Jake’s mind.

Ten minutes later, he’s sitting with you between his legs, using cotton rounds to wipe any residual make up from your face.

You brushed your teeth and had some water while he had drawn the bath, you’re already feeling less hungover.

You settle down, your back to his chest, sighing contentedly at the warmth of the water. Jake winds a strand of your hair around his index finger and uncurls it again, kissing the back of your shoulder tenderly.

“Are we going to talk about what the hell that was earlier?” Jake asks softly as his fingers trail absentmindedly along your forearm. You shake your head in response.

“I thought you said we would talk about it in the morning.”

“We will,” Jake confirms, nodding his head as his fingers work delicate patterns over your skin. “Just wanted to see if you had anything to say for yourself now that might help your case tomorrow.”

“No, sir.” You answer quietly, looking down and watching your fingers move along the tanned skin of his thigh. Jake’s brows scrunch slightly. You’re lying.

He sits forwards and turns your chin so that you’re looking at him.

“Want to try that again? — With the truth this time?” He suggests calmly, those dazzling green eyes locked on yours. You want to pull back, but it’s like forces stronger than just his hold on your jaw keep you there.

“I just freaked myself out. It was stupid.” You insist, shaking your head softly.

“Freaked yourself out about what?” Jake presses.

It’s no use lying to him, he’s not going to drop this. You pull your face away from his touch, looking down sheepishly as you trail figure eights on his thigh under the water.

“I listened in on the defence meeting. I heard everything, about that guy… about him being in the house before.”

“Honey…” Jake sighs. He presses his lips to the back of your head and wraps his arms around you, holding you closer against him.

“It’s … it’s okay. I just—“

“You don’t have anything to worry about, we’re working on finding him. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

“I know.” You nod slowly, you know that Jake will keep you safe for as long as he can. “But this is going to keep happening. It’s been happening. And it’ll happen for the rest of my life. I’m never going to live like my friends do.”

There’s a soft pause before you continue again. Jake nuzzles his face into the curve of your neck, securing his arms around you as he waits for you to go on.

“I’m sorry that I took it too far tonight.” You tell him softly, your voice quiet and ashamed. Jake kisses your neck softly. It happens. “I’m just scared.”

He nods.

Not in the same way, but Jake understands mourning a future that you thought you were going to have. You’ve both had to live with the loss of a future in different ways. The silence helps remind you of that.

You half-turn in his arms. He lifts his hand and cups your jaw, stroking his thumb over your cheek.

It might not have been the one that either of you were planning, but a future like this wouldn’t be so bad.

He sits forwards and kisses your lips tenderly, pulling you in against his chest, closing his eyes.

…

Tags:

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[zreamy]

won't let you go (this time)

pairing: lee heeseung x fem!reader

summary: back home for good after a semi-unsuccessful first year at university in a new city, you’re looking forward to getting back into the routines of your old life in the town you grew up in but the one person you’d been desperate to see doesn’t seem too pleased about your return :(

genre: angst.. ......... fluff, smut, college au, exes to lovers, second chance romance, slow burn

warnings: minors dni, british in a way that's not vague (might be vague.. it's hard to tell when ur british), so so long, sad heeseung, long paragraphs..

word count: 36,007 .. (apparently, i'm in a competition with myself to see who can write the longest fic)

playlist: seasons wave to earth, understand keshi

author's note: writing this fic was like pulling teeth and then cooking pasta out of it.. bUT IT'S DONE !!! also one of these scenes is smth i reworked from a fic i posted to wattpad in 2021.. thanks @asahicore for the beta u rock ! and as always be lmk ur thoughts (positive/negative/anything) 🤍

fic taglist: @enhastolemyheart

Lee Heeseung had often imagined what it would be like when he saw you again. 

Sometimes, he envisioned you standing on his doorstep, playing with the cuffs of your sweater. Other times he’d dream up a chance encounter at the local grocery shop, where you’d be distracted and bump the end of your trolley into his. He’d even pictured a sun-soaked vacation, a gorgeous white sand beach where the temperature would be inching past the thirties. You, laying out on a patterned towel, lost in the pages of a book, and your pretty face obscured by its cover. Yet, even with the sun in his eyes and his poor vision, he’d recognise you without a doubt. 

Regardless of circumstance or setting, in all of his hazy daydreams, you’d look up at him with unbridled love in your eyes and say the words he wanted to hear all those months ago: I choose you. 

Heeseung had always imagined that his heart might glow in his chest, through his shirt like something from Jane the Virgin, and you’d know you made the wrong decision. 

But sometimes, typically when in an alcohol-fuelled state of despondence, these images would be rougher around the edges. Heeseung would be hot, with bleach-blond hair and thick dark brows—a walking, talking beacon of sexual energy when you’d see him. In his head, it would happen at a party or a club somewhere, and he’d be too busy talking to another girl to notice you, his arm hanging off of her, lust clear in his eyes. Somehow, even in sweatpants and an old hoodie of his, you’d still look as beautiful as always. 

“Heeseung,” you’d say, completely crushed with tears welling up in your eyes under furrowed brows. “I choose you.”

Reluctantly, he’d draw his eyes away from the girl and notice you, finally, and a smile would spread on his lips, a mean one, condescending. He’d shrug, wrapping his arm tighter around the girl and say, “You’re too late.” He wouldn’t mean it, but he’d say it just to drive you crazy. Make you beg him to take you back for months until he felt you’d suffered enough—as much as he had. 

These thoughts were few and far between and mainly followed by hot, guilty tears rolling down his cheeks because he knew it was his fault. After all, he was the one to let you go.

For now though, the little round table in Mark’s backyard seats four, and, in the arms of a balmy summer night, Heeseung chooses the seat closest to the fence. The garden light is still busted so in his seat of choice, furthest from the kitchen door, he’ll go completely unnoticed but still see anyone who might join him outside.

His phone is freezing when he takes it from his pocket and unsurprisingly holds no notifications beyond the outsiiiide text he’d gotten from Jake before the party started. Through Instagram stories, Heeseung watches the night play out from the perspective of people who are enjoying themselves while ignoring the voice in his head that tells him he could be one of those people if he tried. 

Maybe he was a fool for believing that tonight would go differently and that the boys would keep their ‘bro’s night’ promise for longer than it took to cross the threshold—but it’s not like he blames them. Maybe he was a fool for believing he would find more company than his somewhat abandoned bottle of Peroni that watches him mockingly from the glass table. 

He grimaces after taking a sip from it, remembering that he was only ever carrying it around so his friends wouldn’t feel the need to load him with shots. Now he’s not so sure that would’ve been a bad thing, seeing as he’s completely sober and aware of the tightness in his chest as he scrolls through the text thread he’s had pinned for years. Its end came abruptly; revived only by an ignored blue bubble saying: i heard you’re back home for the summer.. 

Seeing it now, he regrets hitting send even more than he did two weeks ago. Heeseung hates himself for believing the boys when they said it was a good thing that you opened the message right away. “Means she’s thinking of u 2 dude,” was Jake's message to the group chat (along with four bicep emojis and two red exclamation marks). Jay replied: i hope you guys can talk things out! And Sunghoon didn’t say anything. 

All your conversations bring up memories that hurt more than the last but he has to take a break when he reaches a text you sent last January: i had so much fun tonight, hee, idk how to thank u enough :((( i hope ur not in too much trouble.. i love you i love you and i’ll love you forever !!!

He ended up getting grounded for three weeks and lost car privileges for months after staying out four hours past curfew, but he’d do it a million times over if it meant he’d get to see you as happy as you were that night on the two-hour drive back, running your fingertips over the Sharpie autograph of your favourite author on the book’s front page—“Heeseung?” 

His jaw falls slack and his whole body stiffens. If you don’t count old videos in his camera roll, Heeseung hasn’t heard your voice in over a year. The back door slides shut and when he finally lifts his head, he wants to throw up. Even without the glow of the kitchen lights on your face, he’d still be able to make out the cute point of your nose, and the slight curve of your soft lips. Unfortunately, the breakup only seems to have made you even more beautiful and he hates himself for wishing you were having a hard time too. 

“Hey,” you say. “Can I sit?” 

Regaining his mobility, he moves his shoulders in a stiff shrug. The sound of your chair scraping the concrete makes him cringe and he hates that you chose the seat closest to him. 

“I didn’t think you’d be here tonight.” 

Heeseung scoffs, his brows furrowing defensively. “You didn’t think I’d be at my friend’s party?” 

You set your jaw. “Okay.” 

An unbearable silence follows, so heavy he can feel it sitting on his shoulders, weighing him down. There’s no way to know how much time has passed but he feels less tense when you start to hum, drumming your fingers against the table to the beat of whatever song the kitchen door is struggling to muffle. If he doesn’t think too hard about the lingering quiet, it feels like everything is okay between you two. 

His heart races when you giggle. “You still do that?” 

“Do what?” 

You smile before mirroring his expression, puffing up your cheeks and exhaling dramatically a few times. Due to the heat, nothing comes of it but you laugh anyway. “You always liked when it was cold enough out to see your breath. I remember having to nudge you every night of summer to get you to stop.”

To Heeseung, there’s something sinister about the fact that you can so easily bring up a memory you share with him. About the fact that even after what happened, his cheeks heat up just from seeing you grin. He deflates, unable to look at you, finding interest in the label on his bottle instead. It’s slightly curled up at its edge, and he runs his thumb over it a few times before peeling it off completely—with some struggle, leaving a sticky patch in its wake. Under your loaded stare, he folds it a little to make a square before trying to craft a swan or a crane (you were the one who knew these things) from the sticker. 

Your hands are just as soft as he remembers when your fingers touch his, though it shocks him so much he drops the label, immediately withdrawing his hands and, for lack of a better option, sitting on them. Even softer than your hands is your voice when you say, “I don’t want things to be so tense between us.” 

It must be easy, he thinks. For you to say something like that after dumping him. Heeseung wants to laugh, to let his head fall back and cackle from sheer disbelief; you really must have some nerve. Instead, a bitterness, raging and sour, works in his chest, choking the laughter into silence. It pushes his lips into a scowl as he lifts his head to look at you. You’re shivering with your arms crossed over your chest and Heeseung softens. Without thinking, he shrugs off his flannel to drape it over your shoulders, almost regretting it when he fixes his tongue to scold you playfully like he used to. Still too hot for a jacket, right, baby? he wants to say. This is the last time I’m doing this for you, next time you’re on your own. Heeseung figures that somewhere, in another reality where you’re still together, a version of him says these things but continues to give you his flannels and jackets anyway.

He’d give anything to be that Heeseung instead. 

Over the last year, he’s been replacing the clothes in his wardrobe. He noticed that during your time together you steadily wore every t-shirt, flannel, and hoodie he owned. Now, as you thank him with a sincere smile, he realises he’ll have to donate his new favourite shirt too. 

“What’s in your pocket?” you ask, reaching in to find out. A bleak carton of cigarettes sits full in your hands as you look over at him with wide eyes. “You smoke now?” 

“No.” Heeseung shakes his head. “Never.” 

Back and forth between your hands, the box and its contents rustle. “Really? Because this—” You pause to pull a lighter from the same pocket. “—and this tell me something different.”

“Sunghoon’s quitting again,” he explains, with air quotes around the word quitting. 

“Oh.” You let out a laugh, nodding fondly. “He’s on, like, five weeks or something by now, though, right? Surely you don’t still need to carry these around for him.”

His head tilts so quickly he hurts his neck. With knitted brows, he inspects you. Nothing about your expression seems like you’re trying to hurt him, in truth, you look like you’re being quite sincere; your eyes are wide, curious, and your lips are quirked up at the corners with an amusement he adores. “Six,” he corrects. “How do you know?” 

“He told me.” 

“You guys still talk?” 

A shoulder-dropping sigh falls from your mouth as you put the cigarettes and lighter back in his pocket, raking a hand through your hair. “You’re the only one who doesn’t talk to me anymore,” you say in a small voice. 

The five of you stuck together in high school — where he and Jay first met you, Jake, and Sunghoon — and he knew it would be unreasonable for him to expect your shared friends, especially the youngest two whom you’d known longer, to turn on you. He also figured, given how close you’d grown to Jay, and his undying rationality, that his best friend would outright refuse to shun you on Heeseung’s behalf. Even though they didn’t need his permission, he told them that he didn’t want them to feel like they had to pick sides and that he was perfectly happy for them to keep talking to you. On one condition: that none of them tell him anything about you or your life without him unless you’re hurt—a condition they’ve clearly carried out more faithfully than Heeseung expected them to. 

Bile rises in his throat thinking about all the things your friends have kept from him about your year away. His heart twists over mundane details like your class schedules and favourite things to eat for lunch, and his eyes sting with tears over the important stuff like new friends and, worst of all, new partners. 

Heeseung jolts out of his chair, knocking the table so hard with his thighs that his bottle tips over. You’re quick to catch it. “My mum’s calling,” he blurts out, overwhelmed. 

“Heeseung.” 

“I really have to go.” 

“Heeseung!” you call out, but he’s already back inside. 

You don’t follow him. 

But that was in June, and now it’s September. 

While his friends complain about the chill of autumn, Heeseung’s just happy he can comfortably wear hoodies everywhere again. In a cool lecture hall, home to his Ethics and Responsibility class for the next few months, he relishes the feeling of soft cotton against his ears as he copies the course reading list into the first page of his notebook. 

“Is someone sitting here?” 

Heeseung’s stomach sinks to the floor. Reluctantly, he lifts his head, and through the gaps in his bangs, he sees you and the way your face falls when you see him, instantly looking around the room. 

“Oh,” you say, eyes blown. “I’m sorry, I’ll just..” you trail off.

He scans the room, chewing his lip when he realises that, despite the lecturer not having arrived yet, the seat to his left, with his backpack on it, is the only empty one. “It’s okay,” he says, trying to seem nonchalant as he takes his bag from the chair and puts it on the floor. 

“Thanks,” you mumble, frowning a little as you sit down. 

In the light of day, he really sees you and a lone butterfly, one he was sure had died with the rest last year, flutters lazily in his stomach—wings buzzing against the lining, tickling him. Even with messy hair and tired bags under your eyes, you’re just as beautiful as the first time he saw you. It’s unfair, he thinks. That you could be dealing with this and still manage to look presentable. Jealousy kills the butterfly, stirring a pit in his belly at the thought that you were able to break up with him and continue with life as normal on the other end of the country, making new friends and new memories as if nothing happened. 

Even when Dr. Kim comes in and starts the class, Heeseung can’t take his eyes off of you. You haven’t lost any of your mannerisms, he notices when you stick your tongue out a little while typing notes as the lecturer says them, barely looking up from your laptop to see the slides. 

At the end of the lecture, all he has to show for it is the reading list and a couple of bullet points that seemed important as he copied them from your screen. Side by side, you silently walk down the stairs to leave the room, and the sight of Sunghoon through the doorway pulls a relieved sigh from Heeseung’s chest. 

Sunghoon’s brows raise seeing you together and he clears his throat when you’re close enough. “Hey, you two! My little study buddies,” he says in a strained voice. “First day back! First day for you, YN, what was that like?” He sounds like he’s reading from a script as he walks between you. 

Heeseung lets you answer, listening to your voice as he walks behind you down the stairs. He wonders if things will be this way forever, briefly contemplating throwing himself over the bannister so he doesn’t have to find out. If you’re uncomfortable, you don’t show it, talking excitedly with Sunghoon about the class, mentioning things Heeseung hadn’t even heard, despite having sat through the same hour-long introduction lecture as you. He trails behind the two of you all the way to the library, where Jay is sleeping with his chin on his arms and Jake is staring at the table of contents in his textbook. You cut yourself off, jogging over to the table they’re sitting at to wake Jay. As soon as you wrap your arms around him, he flinches, waking up with his brows pulled together. 

“What are you doing?” Jay mumbles, trying to shake you off. 

As Heeseung sits beside Jake, he skims over the front page of the textbook, trying to remember what tensile strength means. Sunghoon stands at the end of the table looking at his phone, and you sit next to Jay, pulling your seat a little closer and letting him rest his head on your shoulder. Heeseung looks away, trying to bury the unease building in his stomach. 

Sunghoon breaks the silence. “Can we go get food?” And suddenly, you all stand up, filing out of the library towards the Tesco Express down the road. 

Jay and Sunghoon take the lead, picking up their lunch without much thought before waiting in line at the self-checkout, while you, Jake, and Heeseung spend an ungodly amount of time weighing up options in front of the meal deals. Heeseung gets the same thing every time but looks at every single sandwich, drink, and snack option just in case before picking up his food. 

“Just cheese is crazy, bro,” Jake says, shaking his head. “What’s wrong with you?” 

Heeseung shrugs. “It’s reliable.” 

“It’s absurd.” 

You hum between the two of them, tilting your head thoughtfully. “I don’t know, I think it’s cute.” Your shoulders rise and fall in a casual shrug, almost as if you haven’t just paid Heeseung a compliment for the first time in a year and three months. 

Jake’s eyebrows raise, a grin playing on his lips as he glances between the two of you when you step forward, pulling a just cheese sandwich from the shelf too. “Cute,” he repeats. “Sure.” 

Outside, Jay and Sunghoon are sitting on a half-finished brick wall, and while normally, Heeseung would say something to interrupt Jay’s never-ending lecture series on making the most of your meal deal, he doesn’t want to draw attention to himself or the small smile he’s struggling to keep off his face. 

“Hoon, think about it,” he says, resting his giant can of Red Bull on the stepped brick next to him. “A meal deal costs £3. You get a sandwich, a drink, and a snack, all for £3. You, foolishly, bought a sandwich, a snack, and a bottle of water, you gave them money.” 

“Yeah, man, anyone who shops anywhere gives money, that’s, like, an entry-level requirement.” 

“But I’m taking money from Tesco, you get it?” 

Jake sighs, taking a seat next to Sunghoon. “You’re technically right, but you still paid for your food under a promotion Tesco created. If you really wanted to take from Tesco, you should be stealing your lunch. Also, the sandwich he got was £2.85, and there’s more water in his bottle than Red Bull in your can, so I actually think Hoon got the better offer today.” 

Beside Heeseung, you roll your eyes, wrestling with a packet of crisps while juggling everything in your hands. Seeing your struggle, he reaches over, taking hold of your drink and sandwich. “Thanks,” you mumble, smiling. You glance towards Jay and Sunghoon, then back at Heeseung. “Are they always like this?” 

He nods with a slight frown. A tiny laugh comes through your nose as you nod too. 

During the walk back to campus, as you split your sandwich with Sunghoon, Heeseung has an unsettling realisation. If he wants to get you back, he’ll have to start out being your friend. He’s not too sure what that will look like, seeing as the two of you were friends for six weeks — that he spent hopelessly in love with you — before he asked you out. All he knows is he wants to be the one you share your lunch and link arms with unthinkingly. While he assumes that your shared friend group and three out of four classes will naturally lead to friendship, things might go better if he makes an effort.

He doesn’t.

Not today at least. The second and last class of the day ends much like the first, with a heading in his notebook, and slowly reviving butterflies in his stomach every time your knee bumps into his under the desk. Again, neither of you says much as you leave the class to go meet Jay in the library. He’s awake this time, grinning at the girl across from him. 

“They’re so cute!”

“They’re talking.” 

“Yeah, in a cute way. Look at the smile on his face,” you say as if anyone could miss Jay’s grin or the way it widens when he notices you and Heeseung staring. 

Yunjin immediately looks over, waving before getting out of her seat to come over. She greets Heeseung with a hug before flinging her arms around you, gushing about how it’s been so long. Heeseung feels his brow raise when you giggle and  say, “We hung out two weeks ago.”

She loosens her hold on you, looking down into your eyes with a shocked look. “Yeah, two weeks too many. What are you doing later?” 

It feels like Heeseung skipped a chapter and his stomach hurts when he realises he has—a whole year's worth of the contents of your life. Of course, Jay already introduced Yunjin to you, of course, you’re already friends. 

Leaving you with Yunjin in the library, Heeseung and Jay walk back to their flat. They take the long route home, through the winding bike path and over the creaky footbridge by Sunghoon’s old apartment. Jay is eerily quiet, only responding in nods and hums—this silence means one of two things, he’s either too exhausted to speak or he’s saving his words to reprimand Heeseung at home. 

Outside their flat, Jay hesitates, gripping the handle tightly before turning to Heeseung. In his eyes is a familiar look, the one he typically wears before telling someone off and Heeseung bites his tongue lest he pisses Jay off even more. A few times, Jay opens his mouth but doesn’t speak, exhaling a deep sigh as he rests his head against the door. “I want you to know I’m on your side, sort of,” he says. “If it’s too hard being around YN, we can always hang out together instead, just us.” 

Jay’s key clicks in the lock and Heeseung watches, shocked. He didn’t expect that at all. 

“It’s not like it’s hard, just weird, you know?” Heeseung runs a hand through his hair, leaving his shoes by the door while Jay locks it before following him into the living room and sinking into the couch. “We have the same friends, so I can’t avoid her, but I don’t think I want to.” 

“Like I said, we can just hang out on our own if we’re on campus.” Jay pauses for a beat, clearly pleased by whatever he’s thinking about as a smile spreads on his face. “It might do you some good being around her though, like, to see why none of us want to date her.” 

The offer is generous and Heeseung spends a while considering it. But as Jay said, it probably would be a good thing to hang out with you if he wants to build the friendship he finds himself craving. 

“It might also do you some good to, you know.. start looking nice again. It’s been a year, dude, and she’s back now, don’t you want her seeing what she’s missing out on?” 

Heeseung cocks his head to the side, surprised and honestly a little offended. “Are you saying I’m ugly now?” 

“No, I’m saying it probably wouldn’t hurt to put some essence in your hair, touch up your roots, and, you know, use deodorant.” 

Reflexively, he grabs the pit of his hoodie, bringing it to his nose and sniffing furiously. The only thing he can smell is fresh detergent and he looks at Jay with a frown. “So you think I should change everything about myself basically.” 

“I hate to be the one to say it..” Jay trails off, head falling back in contagious laughter. “Seriously though, if you want her back or, at least, want her to miss you, start putting some effort in.” 

Heeseung’s eyes are wide as saucers. “She doesn’t miss me?”

“You spent the whole day together, why would she miss you?” 

“So she doesn’t.” 

“I didn’t say that.” Jay shrugs. 

Outside, a cloud moves away from the sun, letting it shine right through the window and into Heeseung’s eyes. He squints a little, groaning before bringing his arm over his face to shield himself. Jay laughs and Heeseung flips him off. “You didn’t really say anything.” 

“Are you crying?” Jay coos. 

“Sure.” 

“Too bad, I’m taking a nap. Club later?” 

Heeseung grunts in response, considering taking a nap too. 

A dramatic sigh tugs its way from Jay’s chest. “Look, it’s not my place to say, but she told me a few months ago she was miserable in first year, something about wanting to see some guy she dated in high school.”

“You knew she was coming back?” Heeseung practically jumps in his seat, sitting up straighter. “You knew I’d see her today and you let me leave the house looking like this?” It’s not like he looks bad in his oversized black hoodie and sweatpants but he might have taken the time to do more than run a hand through his hair this morning if he knew.

Jay holds his hands up defensively. “You said you didn’t want to hear anything about her unless she died. I was just doing what you told me to.” 

“I think it goes without saying that that would’ve been a nice thing to know.”

“Noted.” Jay nods. “Club later?”

Despite saying no, Heeseung finds himself at the club anyway, having a friendly dance battle with Jay while you hype them up, filming blurry videos with your finger over the camera lens. Jake and Sunghoon came out too but went off to find girls. 

Heeseung spent all of pres and the journey to the club worrying about being drunk around you. Or rather, worrying about being drunk around drunk you. Drunk you who typically gets clingy and oversentimental just looking at a bottle of vodka, or brings up old memories and uses pouty, gloss-coated lips to say things without thinking of the consequences. For better or for worse, you haven’t done any of that yet. 

Between knocking back drinks and rivalling the club photographer, you find time to make a look of disgust every time a guy comes near you, immediately shaking your head and pressing yourself against Heeseung before mumbling an apology in his ear each time, even though he tells you it’s okay. Your admirers start to dwindle when he dances with you to a song you like, letting you hold his hand and pull him closer, all while wishing he’d stayed asleep on the couch. 

It’s only when the fifth guy shows up with a stupid smirk on his face, that Heeseung speaks up. His arm finds your waist and he holds you close as he looks at the stranger. “Dude, leave her alone,” he says, angling his shoulder to him in an attempt to shield you. “She’s not interested.” The weight of his words is lost on him until the guy rolls his eyes, shrugging and mumbling whatever as he leaves. 

He saw how uncomfortable you looked after being approached and hated how long it took for you to start enjoying yourself again, so in the moment, it seemed like the right thing to do. To look after you. But now, as he stands with his hand on your waist, his skin touching yours at the hem of your shirt, he’s starting to feel like he’s crossed a line. It’s the worst possible time to freeze in place but there’s nothing he can do about it, and Jay staring at him, with wide eyes and a dropped jaw, isn’t exactly helping. 

With embarrassment burning his cheeks and neck, Heeseung finally looks down at you. You look almost as shocked as Jay for a split second before letting your hand rest on his chest, smiling. The moment feels endless until you lean up to his ear and Heeseung has to bend down a bit. “Thank you, Hee,” you say, still smiling when you pull back. 

All he can do is nod, smiling too.

Over your head, he sees Jay grinning and the heat returns to his cheeks. As if suddenly aware of your position — your hands now resting on his shoulders, chests held together by your grip on each other — the smile falls from your face as you take a huge step back, bumping into Jay while Heeseung’s hand slips from your body. 

“Let’s get more drinks!” you yell to Jay, slinging an arm over his shoulders to pull him away. 

On his own, Heeseung dances to three whole songs, only stopping when Yoo Jimin wraps her arm around him, holding him in the world’s tightest hug. “Lee Heeseung, did I just see you all over a girl?” The interaction takes him by surprise, seeing as he hasn’t actually spoken to her since before summer. “Let’s go for drinks soon, to say congrats on finally moving on!” 

This, of course, is when you and Jay finally return. Jimin notices before he does. “Be good to him,” she yells, smiling, and never letting go of Heeseung. “Bad breakup!” 

You stand there, holding two drinks so tightly your hands start shaking, causing one to spill over your fingers. A strained smile spreads over your lips as you nod. “Right! I’ll try!” 

As quickly as she appears, Jimin vanishes with a smile on her face, pleased with herself. You visibly relax, handing Heeseung his drink and swaying to the music again. Just like at high school parties, you let Jay sling his arm over your shoulders as you dance together. Back then, you’d dance with all of your friends while waiting for Heeseung to return, usually with a cup of water for you to drink, but tonight, with Heeseung standing there, it seems like he’s as good as dead according to you. 

It’s around 2 a.m. when you and Jay decide you’ve had enough, with Jay struggling to keep his eyes open. After failing to locate Sunghoon and easily finding Jake with his cap on backwards and makeup all over his mouth and cheeks, the three of you let him know you’re going home. 

As seems to be the unspoken rule amongst your friends, Jay walks between the two of you while trying to convince you both that if you had fun tonight, there’s no reason to regret having gone out. Even if it means you’ll be sitting in class holding your eyes open. Heeseung ignores him, conspiring out loud about Sunghoon’s whereabouts—getting lost on his way to the restroom or finding an ice rink out back. 

For a while, you entertain him before sighing. “I saw in the chat, he said he’s out talking to a girl he saw wearing a band shirt—Nirvana.” 

The notion is so surprising that Heeseung almost stops in his tracks. Jay voices his shock with a raised brow and an incredulous tone. “Hoon listens to Nirvana?” 

“No, but she’s pretty. I had to send him a screenshot of their popular songs on Spotify when one of her friends came over looking for a lighter.” 

At Jay’s request, you and Heeseung spend the rest of the walk back to your flat trying to name fifteen Nirvana songs. By the time you reach the lift in your building, you’ve successfully listed nine and the three of you stand inside while you look for your keys. On your doorstep, you pull Jay into a tight hug, whispering something in his ear that makes him laugh as he pats you on the back and says, “You probably could.” 

Pathetically, Heeseung hopes you’ll hug him too. With no hesitation, you do, arms locking around his neck, leaving him with flushed cheeks and a racing heart. “Thanks for looking out for me,” you whisper, lingering by his ear before burying your face in the base of his neck. 

Heeseung holds his breath, counting to twelve before you lean away from him, your arms in place as you look up into his eyes. “I’m always going to look out for you,” he manages to say. He can already hear Jay teasing him about it when they’re alone, but the smile on your face is worth it. 

In your doorway, you wave goodbye and they wait outside until they hear your lock clicking before heading home, where Jay doesn’t tease Heeseung at all. 

Turns out, getting home at 3 a.m. when he has a class at 10 o’clock doesn’t fit in amongst any of his better ideas, but still, he gets out of bed and gets ready, heeding Jay’s advice and scheduling a hair appointment on his way to class. 

As soon as he sits down, he gets a text from Jay: thinking of getting smth pierced later, come with? 

Heeseung: what is smth.

Jay: cartilage probs

Heeseung: im getting my roots done at 5

Jay: okayyyyyyy good shit man !!! tmrw? 

Heeseung: 👍👍👍

It shouldn’t surprise Heeseung that you look good, but the sight of you walking through the door in your zip-up hoodie and jeans almost knocks the wind out of him. You’re holding your notebook to your chest, stopping in the middle of the stairs and sighing when the white strap of your tote bag slips from your shoulder to the crook of your elbow. You apologise to the people behind you before rushing up the stairs to Heeseung’s row, putting your things down and slumping into the seat beside him. The room suddenly feels warmer when you take off your hoodie and next to you and your bare arms, his heart starts to race.

“Do you have, like, an interview or something?” you ask, doodling in the margin of your notebook, filling the space with pretty butterflies that make his heart race.

Heeseung, who hasn’t looked for a job in two years, panics. “No?” 

“Oh.” You nod slowly, looking away from him. “A date? Maybe?” There’s something in your voice that makes him want to say yes and see your reaction, but the look on your face makes his stomach turn. 

“No, ne—just no.” 

“You can tell me if you’re going on a date.”

“Why would I go on a date?” 

You shrug, gesturing to his outfit. Heeseung looks down at himself and the cream-coloured cardigan he’s wearing. “You just look nice, that’s all,” you mumble after a while. Suddenly, Jay’s Prada loafers squeezing his toes doesn’t seem so bad and Heeseung sits through the whole lecture with a smile on his face. 

The leaves yellowed on October first, and unfortunately for Heeseung, the last two weeks didn’t play out how he hoped they would. Of course, he knew that you flinging your arms around him and confessing your love was probably a far stretch. But this is torture. You only talk to him when the rest of the boys are around, and even then, you only say things like, what time does class start? and do you have a pen I can borrow? 

His nice outfits don’t let up, but his hair is so long these days that you don’t take any notice of the throbbing hole through his cartilage that Jay somehow convinced him to get. Or so Heeseung tells himself because his ears stick out as far as his shoulders. 

Today marks the first time he’s sat in the library during the day for more than ten minutes, and it’s surprisingly busy. Most of his library trips take place in the early hours of the morning, playing his way through the Papa’s Gameria franchise on the computer next to Jake, who spends several minutes at a time staring at his fancy engineering software before clicking the mouse and staring again. So seeing the steady flow of students come in and out, setting up camp at their tables with headphones and thick binders, while groups of friends whisper amongst themselves, leaning back in their seats and gasping every now and then feels like a culture shock.

There’s about an hour until your class finishes, and he’s been sitting here for two hours already since his Music and Identity class ended, wondering if he’s making a mistake by waiting for you. Especially because he knows you’re not expecting him to. He’s at a table right by the library’s entrance, so you’ll see him on the way out and it can feel like a chance encounter. Uncharacteristically, he’s used this time quite wisely, deciding to go through the reading he was given on the role music plays in maintaining cultural identity among diaspora communities and making notes in the margins of his handout until your class is done. 

Impatience starts to settle in after thirty minutes so he texts you to see to ask if your class is over yet. Immediately, your response lights up his screen: yeah about an hour ago but i stayed home lmao what’s up :) 

Staring down at the message, he sighs, thumbs hovering over the keyboard as he tries to come up with something to say. This goes on for a while until he realises what he’s doing and his heart clenches. How did you go from spending every waking moment texting each other to clutching at straws for a valid reason to talk? 

At the very least, the smiley face you sent is doing wonders for his declining mood. 

Heeseung settles on, “i just left office hours and wanted to know if anyone was still around haha,” before hiding his face with his hands. 

oh nooooooo :( sorry dude, you reply. how’d it go? 

In the six years he spent by your side, he’s never known you to use the word dude—at least not with him. By the looks of things, it seems like your time away was spent studying Jake’s texting patterns or a secret other thing that makes his head hurt when he thinks about it. 

Sighing, Heeseung types back: good! had a couple questions after sem but it went well! 

You react to the message with a heart but don’t reply. He doesn’t have enough time to think about what that might mean because Mark approaches the table, clutching the straps of his backpack with a grin on his face that makes Heeseung feel at ease, like a wide-eyed first year riddled with anxious excitement. 

“You look good, man. You going somewhere nice later?” Mark asks, dapping him up. 

Heeseung shakes his head. “Just home.” 

“Nice.” Mark nods, gasping after a beat. “Did you hear? I made captain!” 

“That’s major, dude, congrats! I knew you would.” If anyone deserves to be team captain, it’s Mark Lee. He was captain of the basketball team in high school and vetoed his spot to Heeseung when he graduated. Two years later, when Heeseung came to college, Mark had been enthusiastic about him joining the team too. 

“I’ve been thinking that my first official act as captain should be getting you back on the team?” Mark’s voice tips up at the end, his brows raising hopefully. 

The last time Heeseung was on the home court, he cried with the ball in his hands because he overheard someone in the crowd saying they didn’t think he could make the shot—they were right. He laughs, shaking his head. “Way too much pressure in uni basketball. Thanks for thinking of me, though.”

“I’m not giving up on you,” Mark says, crossing his arms over his chest. “Oh, I hear your birthday’s coming up, can I host?” 

“Host what?” 

Mark’s hands clap soundlessly as he laughs. “A party, obviously! Twenty’s a big one! I’ll text you the deets, alright?” he asks, though it doesn’t sound like Heeseung has a choice because Mark’s already walking away, still laughing to himself.

In Heeseung’s eyes, there’s nothing better than knocking back (more than) a few bottles of soju with friends and singing your heart out in the four walls of a karaoke room. Worried about killing the mood, he enjoys from a distance, staying glued to the booth, ad-libbing for the boys and polishing off their drinks as discreetly as he can. The table is adorned with a collection of empty bottles and buckets of feasted-upon fried chicken that still envelop the room in a mouth-watering aroma, while a green strobe light pierces the air as Jake and Sunghoon wrap up their cover of Party Rock Anthem. 

By the time Jay manages to convince Heeseung to sing something, he’s four bottles in and searching for the most heart-wrenching ballad he can find. Sofa by Crush has always been his favourite karaoke song. Even when it first came out and he was in a happy relationship; even at home, alone in the kitchen, using a broom handle as a makeshift microphone, singing until his voice went hoarse and tears stained his shirt. 

It feels like fate when the song’s title flashes across the screen in big bold letters and he knows there’s no real way to ignore destiny, so he chooses it and stands up from his seat. Weighed down by alcohol and an aching heart, he stumbles to the front of the room to stand with his back to his friends. Clutching the mic until his knuckles turn white, he takes a deep breath, letting the intro wash over him before singing. He gets through the first half of the song before practically caving in on himself, too moved by the lyrics to stay on two feet. To Heeseung’s credit, he’s always had a beautiful voice, so he’s not exactly tanking in that respect, but if he was even a tiny bit more cognisant, he’d scrape himself up from his knees and finish the rest of the song in the same light-hearted way everyone else had.

The lights shift through red and blue, casting a pretty glow over the dim space and streaking purples and pinks all over the walls—aesthetically, the room is as moody as Heeseung feels. If he had eyes on the back of his head (or picked himself and his dignity from the floor) he might notice the way everyone else in the room is struck by his sadness, with all three boys sitting in solemn silence as a drunk Jay records the whole thing. 

Tired of watching his friend fall apart, Sunghoon gets up from his seat, muttering dick at Jay for filming before taking the phone from his hands and cutting off the recording. He lifts Heeseung at the armpits like a baby and takes the mic. Clearing his throat, Sunghoon half-heartedly finishes the rest of the song while Heeseung cries into his shoulder. Their duet scores them 63 points and Jay spends the next few minutes texting. Heeseung appreciates Sunghoon’s efforts, crying more as his emotions oscillate from love for his friend to yearning for you, all while Jake attempts to lift the mood with a genuinely moving performance of Highway to Hell. From the way he’s air-drumming and bouncing his leg to the song, anyone could tell that Sunghoon is desperate to join in, but holding back for Heeseung’s sake. With a hiccup, Heeseung wipes his tears with his sleeve and throws himself out to the front, accompanying Jake with an air guitar. It’s only during the start of the second verse that Jay and Sunghoon join in, and a full-fledged rock band moment falls upon them as if gifted from heaven. 

After another hour of singing and drinking, Heeseung and Jay race up their apartment building’s stairs. Panting heavily, with his heart beating in his throat, Heeseung’s knees ache when he reaches the top — though caught up in catching his breath and the sight of you sleeping against the doorframe — he can’t even celebrate his win. 

“Huh,” Jay says when he joins him. “How’d she get here?” 

Heeseung can only shrug in response. 

Suddenly self-conscious in your presence, he stands up straighter, pushing some of his hair off his forehead. Jay moves from behind him, approaching you, but Heeseung’s too hung up on the way you hold your jacket tight around your body to do the same. He wants to though—wants to help you out, pick you up and hold you in his arms, kiss your forehead and lovingly scold you for staying out in the cold. But he’s not drunk enough to convince himself you’ll take that well. 

Instead, he remains glued to the spot, watching Jay wake you up, only mobilising when you’re on your feet, stretching your arms above your head. To you, the sliver of skin peeking out where your shirt ends and your jeans begin is a fleeting detail, lost entirely under a veil of just-risen drowsiness. Yet, to Heeseung, it’s everything. It’s enough to make him want to beg you for a second chance right then and there. But he’s not drunk enough to convince himself you’ll take that well either. 

You’re talking with Jay and there’s a crease in your brow when Heeseung reaches you. Your voices were too quiet to make sense of with the distance but now he hears you loud and clear. “You told me almost two hours ago that you guys were leaving soon,” you sigh, rubbing your neck. 

Jay snorts, missing the keyhole a few times before catching it. “Should’ve just joined in, stupid.” 

“It was boy’s night and you made it very clear that I don’t count. And when I asked what bar you guys were at, you just said doesn’t matter, leaving in ten, and, by the way, none of it was spelt correctly. It felt like you were using code.” 

“Caesar Cipher, perhaps?” 

“Pig Latin, more like,” you scoff, leaning against the wall. 

A mischievous grin spreads over Jay’s lips and Heeseung already hates whatever he’s about to say. “Ixnay on the Eeseunghay.” Yeah, Heeseung hates it. He glances between the two of you, picking up on the smile you can’t hide as you roll your eyes. 

Your gaze finds Heeseung’s and your lips curl into a frown as you look back at Jay. “Otgay ityay.” You nod firmly. 

From context — and memories of numerous private conversations the two of you used to have in his presence — he figures it’s Pig Latin, a linguistic puzzle more intricate than any the English language has ever thrown at him. 

After a beat, you nod towards the open door. “Get inside.”

You follow the boys in and lock the door when Jay hands you his keys. He quickly heads to his room, leaving Heeseung shifting his weight from one foot to the other in the living room, staring at you. Save for Jay’s bedroom, all of the lights are off. The only light shines through the open blinds, a vivid orange beam coming from a streetlight outside, casting a harsh shadow over the room. The terminator line is stark—a clear partition between Heeseung, who’s standing in the shade, and you, who stands in front of the window, backlit by the warm light. You’re glowing. Or, at least, the lighting makes it look like you are—outlining all your edges in soft orange. 

Absently, he plays with the zipper on his jacket—unsure of what’s going on or why you’re here at all. It takes a while, but the words finally escape him. “What are you doing here?” Simultaneously, you ask if he’s okay. 

Even in the dark, your smile warms the room. For you and Heeseung, speaking in unison like that isn’t anything new, so it’s not enough to rouse a reaction from him—nonetheless, he smiles too. Whether by way of drunk optimism or his own sudden acceptance, Heeseung’s starting to feel as though maybe just being by your side, making you smile, might be enough for him. 

“Jay texted me, and I wanted to check in and see how you’re doing.” 

“What did he say?” 

“That you were having a hard time.”

Heeseung nods slowly. 

“Actually, he said—” You pause to check your phone. “—Jay said, worried but hyung he is m let down. I think he meant meltdown?” 

“Hyung,” Heeseung repeats, tilting his head as if the word is foreign to him. A crease runs along his brow, Jay is way drunker than he let on.

“Huh,” you utter, tilting your head too. “I actually thought m let down would’ve gotten a bigger reaction out of you.” 

A moment passes, and then another before Heeseung says, “You can sit if you want. I don’t know if you’re going to stay long or anything, but you can always sit here.”

You smile and he can hear it, watching you take your coat off before sitting on the couch. It’s a bit of a stretch from where you’re sitting but you reach over to turn on the lamp in the corner and Heeseung sits too, as far away as he can. You look comfortable, like you’re supposed to be there and the thought warms his heart.

“You didn’t have to come here. I’m happy you did but you didn’t have to,” he says after too long. 

A frown tugs your lips down. “Of course, I did. I care about you, Heeseung, you know that.” 

Now doesn’t seem like the time to argue, so he makes a mental note to mull over this later. “I know,” he lies, his voice nothing more than a mumble as he nods. 

“Did you guys have fun?” 

Deciding it best to pretend his Crush cover went well, he nods again, smiling as he thinks about the nice parts of boys’ night. With your encouragement, he talks happily for a while about their song choices and the way they all came together in the end. “I feel like we’d get on pretty well as an AC/DC tribute act.” 

“Do you know what room you were in? There’s got to be a way for me to pull the security footage and see for myself.” 

“I actually think Jimin works there, she might be able to hook you up.”

“Jimin?” you repeat in a different tone. The shift is so subtle that Heeseung barely picks up on it, never mind placing it or knowing what it might mean. If he were any more delusional, he might think you’re jealous, but the curiosity in your voice tells him to get out of his head. 

“Yeah, this one girl in the year above,” he explains. “She transferred to humanities so we had a couple classes together last term.” 

“Oh, cool.” 

He really can’t work out your tone and it’s disconcerting. Maybe he should talk about Jimin some more. “She’s like mega smart, and really nice too. She was actually at the club that night! The girl I was talking to when you and Jay went to get drinks,” he says, suddenly remembering. 

“Good for Jimin.” 

“I think you’d like her.” He smiles. “You know, if you’re looking for friends or anything.” 

You only nod, pressing your lips together and leaving Heeseung at a complete loss for words. He watches you chewing on the inside of your cheek, playing with the thread bracelet on your wrist. “I’ve always loved your voice,” you mumble, looking down.

“I know.. You used to beg me to stay up on the phone singing for you.” Heeseung presses his lips together after speaking, mentally locking them and throwing away the key.

You nod with a smile on your face that makes his stomach flutter. “You’re, like, the best guy ever.” 

That makes sense. That Heeseung could be like, the best guy ever but not quite good enough to stay with. He mulls over your words and contemplates setting himself on fire. Standing up from the couch, he goes over to his room. From the doorway, he says, “You can share Jay’s bed, it’s too late to go home by yourself.” 

Heeseung closes his door with plans to stay inside the whole night, but only manages an hour before he gets sick of the stale taste in his mouth. He leaves quietly, and in the light from outside, he sees you sleeping on the sofa with your hands tucked under your head. His heart sinks. Without much thought, he carries you to his room, tucks you in and runs away before doing something stupid like kissing your head to go and brush his teeth. Unlike you, he’s not afraid to wake Jay up, pushing the boy over to make room for himself on his bed, where he lays awake for hours trying to figure out what went wrong with you two until his head starts to hurt. 

In the morning, Heeseung doesn’t see you before you leave, but he spends the better part of an hour with his ear pressed against Jay’s door, eavesdropping on your conversation. If you weren’t talking about him he might feel guilty about this, but you are, so.. 

“I just feel bad, you know? I don’t know how to fit into his life and I feel like I’m only making things harder for him by being here,” you say. “Harder for everyone.”

Heeseung grips the doorframe until his knuckles turn white. He’s spent too much time thinking about how to be your friend without actually trying to be, too caught up in his own feelings to see how he’s affecting everyone else. The corners of his lips droop at the thought. 

“We’re happy to have you back, Heeseung too. He’s just.. hurting, you know? I’m not sure if you heard but he kind of got blindsided and dumped by his high school girlfriend,” Jay says. 

You laugh drily and he pictures the way you roll your eyes. “Hey, uh, random Q, what do you know about Jimin?” 

Jay’s quiet for a bit. Or he’s whispering. Heeseung presses his entire body to the door as if it’ll help. “Yoo Jimin?” he asks. 

“Probably. Heeseung’s friend.” 

“She’s cool,” he answers simply. “You’d like her.” 

“So I keep hearing. What’s going on with them?” 

“Nothing really. They met at some party last year, both pretty drunk, and somehow ended up in a random bedroom where she tried hooking up with him.” Jay’s words strike Heeseung like a jolt, his heart pounds and his stomach twists. It takes a lot for him and the knot in his stomach not to burst out of the room and clear things up. The main thing stopping him though, is that Jay’s telling the truth. “But he misread the whole thing and ended up detailing your entire relationship for two hours,” Jay adds after a while. 

“And now?” 

“Why do you care?” Jay’s tone is teasing but the question makes Heeseung spiral. 

His mouth starts to dry up at the thought of you admitting that you don’t care, that you’re over him and just being nosy. Panic swells in his chest and he jumps away from the door as if it’s red hot, scrambling back under the covers of Jay’s bed and falling back asleep. 

In the following two weeks, Heeseung finds himself mastering the art of avoidance. He fills his evenings with pick-up basketball games with Mark on random courts in the neighbourhood and rushes out of class before you have the chance to talk to him. Playing with Mark is fun, but he can’t ignore the regret festering within him, a persistent thorn in his side. Fortunately for him, Jay, whether knowingly or not, presents him with a potential turning point. He’s invited you and the boys over for pres before his party, instructing Heeseung to get his shit together and acknowledge your existence. 

On the night before his birthday, the apartment echoes with your voice, yelling at Jake to get off the floor. Sunghoon’s cackles only get louder, filling the space. Behind his closed bedroom door, Heeseung catches a panicked glance of himself in the mirror, running a hand through his hair and adjusting his bangs. He lingers in his room as long as he can, trying to put off seeing you.

Jay opens the door without knocking, a lazy grin on his face and a slight sway in his stance that tells Heeseung he’s drunk already. “What are you doing? We’re waiting.” 

“I don’t know,” he admits. 

Rolling his eyes, Jay lets out a tired groan. It’s an unspoken scolding that Heeseung heeds immediately, following him into the kitchen, where Jake is messily pouring shots on the counter. He doesn’t see you anywhere, but Sunghoon distracts him, cheering and wrapping his arms around him—also drunk already. “She’s in Jay’s room, Yunjin called,” he says. “Oh, yeah, happy almost birthday, man. Twenty is crazy.” 

By the looks of things, Sunghoon’s on a mission to kill Heeseung. Twenty shots for his twentieth birthday doesn’t sound like as much fun as Sunghoon thinks it does, it sounds like a punishment or a death sentence. Heeseung — put off by the smell of vodka — manages four shots before tapping out, deciding that he’d quite like to remember tonight and wake up on his birthday without a headache.

Heeseung’s eyes widen when you show up in the doorway, a confusing sense of surprise washing over him. It’s not like he didn’t know you were here; he heard you earlier. It’s just that your sudden presence catches him off guard. His heart skips a beat and a sudden rush of nerves courses through him. He takes in your appearance, his eyes tracing every inch of you before meeting your eyes. As you run your hand through your hair, you smile at him, so pretty and genuine that he can’t help grinning back.

Your dress is beautiful, of course—black satin, he thinks, with pretty pink ribbons tied into perfect bows on the top, and you’re the only girl Heeseung’s ever wanted in his life. 

A whispered whoa falls from his lips, which seem to rest in an ‘o’ as he stares at you. You’re looking away from him now, focused on the tequila puddle Jake’s left on the counter, grabbing some paper towels to mop it up. Jay snorts beside him, nudging his ribs hard. “You’ll catch flies, Heeseung. Come on—decorum, please.” 

Heeseung clears his throat, running a hand through his hair and wiping his palms on his pants, but he doesn’t make any moves towards you. 

“Do something,” Jay mumbles. 

He nods in response, repeating do something, over and over in his head until he finally approaches you. “Hey,” he says, breathless. His heart hammers in his chest when you look up at him, beaming. 

“Heeseung,” you say. “Happy almost birthday. How’re you feeling?” 

Before he has a chance to respond, you wrap your arms around his waist, and like it’s the most natural thing in the world, his arms fall around your shoulders, holding you close. It’s perfect. Some combination of your warm scent and alcohol causes the butterflies in his stomach to rage, fluttering so frantically he thinks he might be sick. 

“Insane,” he admits. 

He can hear you laughing, feeling your chuckles against his chest. “You know, what?” You lean away from him, arms still around his waist, eyes locked on his and a soft smile on your lips. “Me too.” 

An odd weakness settles in his knees, a dizzying flutter alighting his entire body as he nods. Over his shoulder, Sunghoon calls for him, chanting, “More shots! More shots!” For a while, Heeseung ignores him, watching you until he feels his ears heating up at the top. 

“I think I have to go,” he mumbles, eyes locked on your lips. They curl up into a crooked grin, and you use a hand to pat his chest. 

“Good luck.” 

Heeseung takes a deep breath when you let go of him, taking shaky steps towards his friend, who’s grinning widely enough to show his fangs. “Sorry to interrupt, I think you could use the help though,” Sunghoon says, holding out a shot glass to him.

He shakes his head at the shot, taking it from Sunghoon’s hand and placing it down on the table. “I need a minute.” 

Sunghoon only shrugs, taking the drink himself, knocking it back with no visible reaction, and Heeseung thinks he must be a monster. “I really think you could fix things tonight,” he says afterwards, pouring another. 

Instead of taking this in stride, Heeseung decides to pretend you don’t exist after hugging you—it’ll be easier that way. To him, this looks like staring at you in your pretty dress and snapping his neck in the opposite direction when you look over at him. 

To appease Sunghoon, he takes another three shots and has to sit down, overwhelmed by the way his cheeks burn and how the kitchen starts to tilt around him. His mouth is oddly dry; a sensation that has nothing to do with you or the way you look in your dress. This time when you catch him staring, he smiles. 

Even in his beyond-tipsy state, Jay manages to ensure everyone leaves the flat before requesting an Uber. Heeseung finds himself sitting cross-legged on the pavement, for some reason, scrolling through his camera roll. 

“Car’s here, get up,” Jay eventually mumbles, nudging his back with the tip of his shoe.

With some stumbling, Heeseung stands up, dusts off his pants and heads to the car. Jay holds the door open for you, and as you slide across the backseat, your dress rides up. Heeseung screws his eyes shut, shaking his head to clear his thoughts, like resetting an etch-a-sketch. Jay’s hand claps his back as he instructs him to get in, which he does. Hesitantly, he slides into the middle seat, glancing to his right to see who’ll be joining you. 

“You’ll thank me later!” Jay calls out, closing the door. 

Before he even has a chance to shift over, your hand lands firmly on his knee, silently urging him to stay put. With a pounding heart, he complies. The back of his hand brushes against your thigh as he fastens his seatbelt, and the feeling of your soft skin against his leaves him breathless. He feels afloat when the car starts moving. A few minutes pass before you take your hand from his knee, mumbling an apology as you place it on your lap, idly playing with your fingers.

Mark lives about twenty minutes away, leaving Heeseung with something close to sixteen minutes to think of something to say. R&B from the early 2000s rumbles through the speakers in the car, vaguely explicit lyrics alluding to something he’s craving fill the space around the two of you, wrapped up in your warm vanilla scent and the fresh peppermint gum you’re chewing. To put it simply, there’s not a coherent thought in his head he could express that wouldn’t get him into trouble. 

“I didn’t know you were on the basketball team,” you say after a while. “Well, I did know, but you know.” 

“I don’t know,” he admits quietly because he has no idea what you’re talking about. 

A beat passes before you speak again. “How was your day?” 

The first thing on his mind is what falls from his lips. “You look beautiful,” Heeseung blurts out, trying to ignore the tinge of anxiety that’s irritating his stomach. “Your dress is.. It’s really pretty,” he adds, feeling as though he won’t lose anything by putting everything on the table. 

“Thanks.” You smile. “You look beautiful too.” 

Heeseung’s breath hitches in his throat and he looks down at his outfit in the dark. If Jay hadn’t interfered, he’d be wearing a hoodie and sweatpants right now, but he’s happy with the simple striped shirt and loose pants Jay suggested, even if it leaves him a little chilly. “It’s, uh, it’s actually my birthday party tonight,” he supplies uselessly.

You laugh, and it’s the best sound he’s ever heard. “I kind of just meant in general.” 

“Me too.” 

The car falls silent as he lets his head fall into the space between the headrests and closes his eyes. When you reach Mark’s house, he opens them and finds you staring with a smile. “I thought you fell asleep,” you say.

He shakes his head, sliding over the backseat and opening the door. He didn’t expect you to leave from the same side as him, but he likes the heat on his cheeks as he closes the door for you. Wordlessly, the two of you go through the gate and join Jay, Jake, and Sunghoon who are sitting cross-legged on the porch, giggling around a shared joint. He has no idea how they arrived before you did. 

Heeseung isn’t sure how he loses you guys but it’s not until his third round of beer pong that he actually notices. Lee Jeno and his red eyes are a poor shot, barely managing to throw the ball without hitting Heeseung’s chest or dropping it before he gets to aim. He almost feels bad for the guy when he sinks another one of his cups, watching Jeno frown before pinching his nostrils shut and taking a big gulp. 

Jay’s sudden presence startles him, though he’s quick to grin at his best friend. The smile isn’t returned. Instead, he leans up to Heeseung’s ear, yelling that YN’s crying before nudging his way out of the room. His heart sinks and he offers no explanation to Jeno, following Jay upstairs and into the bathroom where he finds you, sitting on the floor, crying into Sunghoon’s shirt while Jake watches with a frown, picking at his nails. 

“What happened?” 

Jake talks with a hushed tone while Sunghoon helps you up before leaving. “She didn’t say anything, she just asked us to go to the bathroom with her and started crying.” He opens his mouth to continue but Jay yanks him out of the room, closing the door. 

“I’m not, like, upset or anything,” you say after a while, wiping your eyes with the back of your hands. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m sorry. I really didn’t want to ruin tonight for you so I told Jake not to say anything, but obviously, he didn’t listen.” 

“Jake did the right thing telling Jay, none of us want to see you upset.” 

“I’m not upset.” You hit Heeseung’s chest with a weak fist, crying more. “Why does everyone think I’m upset?”

“It might be the tears,” he offers, feeling good about making you smile. 

“Yeah, maybe.” 

“Are you using a new liner? Mascara? You still look good.” 

You take a look in the mirror, resting your hands on the edge of the sink. “Yeah, I discovered waterproof makeup in first year.” 

“Is it harder to take off?” 

“Definitely, but it’s worth it, I think, for nights like this.” 

“Yeah, right.” Heeseung nods, watching you carefully as he sits on the edge of the bathtub. It’s like being in high school, seeing you like this. Most of the parties you went to were spent in the bathroom, with Heeseung holding your hair back and trying to calm you down after throwing up. He misses all of it except the vomit. “Are you okay?” 

Catching his gaze in the mirror, you nod but look down at your hands when he says your name. “It’s just a little harder being back than I thought it would be.” 

“Oh.” 

You sigh, playing with your hair as you sit down next to him. “Obviously it’s great seeing the guys all the time, seeing you all the time, but everything’s fucked and we act like strangers and it’s killing me not being able to just..” you trail off. Heeseung is clearly drunker than he feels because it looks like your eyes are stuck on his lips. After a beat you slide away from him, moving until your back hits the wall. A mixture of frustration and something else colours your face. “I just don’t like treating you like a stranger and I don’t know how to fix it.” Before he has a chance to think or to say anything you ask him for the time. 

“It’s 12:23.” 

“Happy birthday!” you say, smiling. “Am I the first to say it?” 

“You’re always first.” Even last year, you sent a text at midnight, so Heeseung’s not sure why there’s a surprised look in your eyes or why it’s making him want to kiss you more than usual. “You don’t have to treat me like a stranger if you don’t want to,” he says carefully, trying to get you both back on track. 

“I don’t know how I’m supposed to act around you.” 

His voice is soft when he says, “Honestly, neither do I.” 

“I wish I never left.” 

“Everything happens for a reason, I guess.” Despite the small smile on his face, he’s still trying to understand what reason you had. 

An exhaled laugh comes from your nose and you nudge him. “Were you secretly trying to get rid of me?” 

“You caught me,” he sighs, holding out his hands in defeat. “I had this whole elaborate plan. I was going to fake my death, but you saved me the trouble. Thanks for that.” 

Both of you share a genuine laugh and the tension in the air eases up a bit. Heeseung’s eyes meet yours; a brief moment of silence follows. You clear your throat. “I’m sorry for leaving. I really wish things could’ve been different.” 

It can’t be your intention to hurt him by saying that, but you do, leaving Heeseung feeling the full spectrum of his emotions. A pang of hurt, of longing—hurting himself even more as he thinks about the could-have-beens. He purses his lips, looking down at his shoes. “Me too.” Sick of the tension, of his feelings, he glances at you, sitting up a little straighter. “How about we start fresh? Clean slate?” 

“Clean slate?” you echo, raising an inquisitive brow. 

Heeseung nods, determined, extending his hand for you to shake. “I’m Heeseung.”

“YN,” you chuckle, taking his hand in yours. 

He holds onto it, a playful grin tugging at his lips. “Funny, you look just like my ex.” 

Your eyes widen, amused. “Wow, Hee, you always know just what to say.” 

The two of you sit quietly for a moment, but Heeseung’s just glad you’re not crying anymore. He feels lighter now, hopefully you do too. Standing up, he holds out a hand to help you get to your feet which you take, smiling up at him as you straighten out your dress. 

“You know,” he says, clapping his hands together. “For a second there, I thought I’d need a manual on how to talk to you again, but I think we’re doing pretty well.” 

Heeseung feels pleased with himself when you laugh, rolling your eyes and nudging his chest with your hand. “Shut up,” you say, light and playful. 

“Are you ready to get back to the guys?” 

You smile at him, nodding before quickly turning back to the mirror. “Do I look okay?” 

It doesn’t make sense to Heeseung that a girl as beautiful as you could ever look just okay. Even with the slight swell to your glassy eyes, you’re the most perfect person he’s ever seen. But he can’t say that. So instead, he pulls a sharp breath through his teeth, tilting his head a bit and raising his hand in a horizontal gesture, his fingers wobbling as if balancing an imaginary scale. A  non-committal sound escapes him, a soft eh before he laughs at the way your jaw drops. 

You punch his arm. “Heeseung!” 

“Come on, you know you look great,” he mumbles, looking away to hide the flush in his cheeks. The sound of your lips spreading into a smile makes his stomach flutter as he opens the door to find Jay, Jake, and Sunghoon sitting cross-legged in the hall in front of it.

“Birthday boy!” Jay yells, springing to his feet and flinging his arms around Heeseung. 

“And YN!” Jake adds from his seat. 

Heeseung hears you saying thanks to Jake before sitting next to him. 

“So, did you two kiss and make up or what?” Jay’s attempt at whispering is futile and somehow Heeseung’s cheeks burn even more as he frees himself from his friend’s hold. 

“Kiss, no. Make up, yes.” 

“Playing the long game, I like it.” Jay grins, patting Heeseung on the back. “Sit down, let’s talk.” 

Heeseung sits in the space next to Sunghoon, holding his legs awkwardly to his chest. He’s not entirely sure what’s happening and he feels like he’s not drunk enough anymore to fully relax into it, until you leave Jake’s side, crawling over to Heeseung and resting your head on his shoulder. In the dim hall, the boys shuffle around but it’s too dark to see what they’re doing—not that he cares much at this point, letting his head rest on top of yours and closing his eyes. It almost sounds quite pretty when they start singing Happy Birthday, and Jake has a tiny lunchbox cake in his hands when Heeseung opens his eyes. Its purple-frosted TWENT-HEE is disrupted by a half-smoked joint stuck in the centre which the flash on Sunghoon’s phone provides a makeshift flame for. 

“Make a wish!” you squeal, clapping your hands. 

It takes three attempts for Heeseung and Sunghoon to coordinate the timing between his exhale and Sunghoon turning the flash off, but the candle is blown out, and, right now. Heeseung has everything he’s ever wanted. 

Almost. 

Heeseung wakes up pressed against the wall with an arm wrapped around his waist. An embarrassing surge of excitement courses through him as he thinks about your conversation and puts his hand over yours. What he’s met with is less of the softness he’d anticipated, and more of the coarse skin and defined knuckles he’s come to recognise as Jake’s hand under the duvet. It only takes a look over his shoulder to make sense of why Heeseung’s nose is grazing his bedroom wall. Behind him is Jake, who’s being spooned by you, and behind you is Sunghoon who’s clinging onto your frame for dear life, even in his slumber. Evidently, Jay’s had a successful night and with his unwavering loyalty to Yunjin, it’s not hard to figure out what happened in the room across the hall.

With his eyes pressed shut, desperate to clutch some more sleep, he hears you mumbling. “Park Sunghoon, if you don’t wake up and let go of me, I’ll kill you,” you say with a tone that frightens Heeseung and sets off a flutter in his stomach. The yelp and thud that follow seem to wake Jake up and he crawls over you to get out of bed, stretching his arms out above his head and making no effort to step over Sunghoon on the floor. You roll over in the bed, wrapping an arm around Heeseung’s waist and pressing yourself into his side. “Happy birthday,” you say through a yawn before getting up. 

He manages to mumble a thanks, butterflies running wild in his stomach and a flush creeping up his neck as he watches you leave the room, eyes stuck on the way your hips move in last night’s dress. He gets out of bed, sighing, untucking his shirt to cover the tightness in his pants before joining his friends in the kitchen. 

Hungry but unmoving, you and the boys occupy the three seats at the small kitchen table, harping on about the different things as Jake whines, begging you to keep it down. 

Heeseung’s first intense emotion as a sober twenty-year-old is betrayal. There are used dishes lying in the sink, plates, mugs, and pans — two of each — staring up at him, wafting the scent of a cooked breakfast, with no leftovers in sight, up to his nostrils. He sighs, wondering if it’s his responsibility as host, and eldest friend, to make more food for everyone, or if, as the birthday boy, he should sit around and wait for someone else to take action. Settling on the latter, he sights up on the countertop, sure to keep his back to you so he doesn’t have to see the low neckline of your dress.

Finally, Jay comes back, whistling an unfamiliar tune and twirling his keys on his finger when he reaches the kitchen. “Hello,” he says simply, leaning against the doorjamb as if he hadn’t single-handedly ruined Heeseung’s birthday. 

Sunghoon rubs his eyes, looking in Jay’s direction. “So now, if I want a nice breakfast after a night out, do I have to fuck you?” 

Jay’s cheeks flush as he looks at his feet. “I mean, I planned to cook for you guys when I got back.” 

“I don’t want your sloppy seconds,” he scoffs, slumping in his chair. 

“I do, Jay. Cook for me,” you say, gesturing toward Jay’s general direction making grabby hands at him.

With a gentle smile, he crosses the room and pats your head. “What are you in the mood for?”

“Anything,” you mumble into his shirt. 

Jay nods, going over to the fridge. He stands in front of it with his hands on his hips, completely still for almost two minutes and Heeseung only approaches him because he’s worried about the outside heat getting on all the food through the open door. 

“What are you doing?” he asks, uttering his first sentence of the morning. 

Jay clears his throat, scratching the back of his neck as he leans towards Heeseung. “I, uh, finished the eggs, milk, and bacon.” A nervous look covers his face before he continues. “And we ate your Hello Kitty pancake mix,” he adds, mumbling like he doesn’t want to be heard. 

Unfortunately, he is, and Heeseung’s mortified. “My Hello Kitty pancake mix?!” He takes a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. “YN got that for me, we were supposed to make those together.” His voice is as whiny as his volume will allow, and he struggles not to stomp his feet. 

“Oh, you were? How’d that work out?” Jay’s words are cutting. 

“Okay, ouch.” 

“Dude, it was expiring next week. Plus, Yunjin just looked so cute when she saw it—I had to.” 

“What if I wanted to make them this week?” 

“You’ve had the box for two years,” Jay reminds him. “Think of Yunjin.” 

With a sigh, Heeseung actually does think of Yunjin. Although the girl he envisions is different from the one Jay wants him to imagine. 

They met on the first day of university. She had a guitar strapped to her back, and a huge amp in hand when she approached him. Her eyes were wide with nervousness or excitement; Heeseung couldn’t tell which. Immediately, she extended her free hand for him to shake. “Yunjin,” she said. 

“No.” He shook his head while pointing at himself. “Heeseung.” From the way she laughed at his stupid joke, he knew she was the next girl Jay would fall for.

Jay had a habit of falling in love with the first girl to do something nice for him on any given day. And then the next girl. But after hearing Yunjin talk about her gap year, spent learning guitar seriously, Heeseung had a feeling things were going to change for his friend. He was right. 

The memory, along with the satisfaction of having figured those two out from the beginning, brings a warm smile to Heeseung’s face. “You owe me.” 

“Yeah, whatever. I owe you,” Jay scoffs, though the slight furrow in his brow suggests genuine remorse. “Just so you know, they weren’t special or anything.. just pancakes, you know?” 

Heeseung chuckles despite himself. “Are you trying to make me feel better?” 

“Maybe a little,” Jay shrugs. To his credit, it works. 

At least until Heeseung’s stomach grumbles, a noisy reminder of why they’re standing there in the first place. He also learns the hard way that the fridge starts to beep when you leave it open too long. Jay laughs through his nose, closing the door with his elbow. 

“What are we eating?” 

Jay seems to think about this for a minute, tilting his head and suggesting McDonald’s. 

If asked, Heeseung probably wouldn’t have said he pictured spending the morning of his twentieth birthday squished between Jake and Sunghoon in a sticky booth, but he’s here and can’t find anything to complain about as he inhales his breakfast. Too caught up in the way his hoodie drapes over you, he listens half-heartedly as you all quiz Jay on his night. It seems like he’s being pretty tight-lipped about the whole thing but the dreamy grin on his face is hard to miss. 

Eventually, you all pile back into Jay’s car, with Heeseung sitting shotgun as a birthday gift, that he doesn’t get to fully enjoy because he falls asleep as soon as the car starts moving. He sinks into the front seat, a contented smile playing on his lips as the warmth of the sun and his full stomach lull him into a peaceful nap. 

At home, he thanks Jay before crawling into bed where he replies to messages before letting his head fall into the pillow.

His eyes don’t even close all the way before you come into the room. “Can I nap in here?” 

Heeseung nods, watching you get comfortable under his duvet. In a matter of seconds, you’re just an arm’s reach away, softly snoring with your back to him. Meanwhile, he spends four hours laying completely still, trying to convince himself that the heat radiating from your sleeping form doesn’t make him miss you more. 

At around 3 p.m. when everyone wakes up, you and the boys hurry away for various mumbled reasons, leaving Heeseung home alone, trying to practise his surprised face for whenever you’re all back with cake and a gift. 

You don’t return until Heeseung’s hair has started to dry after his shower, but you waste no time shuffling around the kitchen before coming back with a pretty cake and real candles with a real flame, singing for him again. With the way Jake’s rushing him, Heeseung can’t come up with a wish in time, so blows out the candles with a clear mind. 

“Woo!” Jake cheers, clapping around a wrapped present that he immediately thrusts into Heeseung’s hands. “Open it!” 

He barely gets to peel the first piece of tape before he jumps off the couch and kneels down next to him. “It’s LEGO! The Infinity Gauntlet, you know? And the best part is..” Jake pauses dramatically. “You get to put it together with your best friend, Jake! Right now!” His excitement is endearing even though he’s ruined the surprise. “The others can help too, I guess.” 

You frown at him. “I paid for the kind lady at the LEGO store to gift wrap that for us.” 

“Yeah, and she did great!” Jake grins. “Can I help you open it? Please, Heeseung, please. You’re taking forever.”

With a smile, Heeseung hands the box to Jake, letting him open it carefully before Sunghoon joins in, tearing the paper to shreds all while Jay records the whole moment like a proud father. All five of you are sitting on the floor now, covered in wrapping paper while Jake holds the LEGO set up like it’s his, blinking hard at the camera with a smile on his face, and it’s Heeseung’s favourite birthday yet. 

my girl: who wants to take me on a date?

Heeseung knows he should probably change your contact name but the notification still makes his cheeks burn in a way he thinks he likes.

jake: heeseung probably 

jake: idk tho

my girl: ok heeseung come to the museum with me for class

sunghoon: next time open with the museum thing holy shit.. i almost fucking volunteered

heeseung: when?

my girl: i would have rejected you hoon

my girl: whenever ur free !

Heeseung’s schedule always has a way of clearing up when it comes to you, and he skips pick-up with Mark to pick you up at your door that evening. You answer right when Heeseung knocks, sliding some rings onto your fingers with a smile on your face, saying, “Hello.” 

“You..” Heeseung swallows, nodding his head. He’s doing his best not to check you out but he really can’t help it when your jeans seem to fit like they were made for you. “Hi,” he whispers. 

“Hey.” 

He clears his throat, finally managing to unstick his gaze from your thighs and gestures in the direction of the stairs. “Shall we?” 

At the train station, you don’t object when Heeseung pays for your ticket, he didn’t mean to, his finger just clicked through for two tickets instead of one. He’s happy when you don’t make a big deal about it, only smiling and thanking him when he hands you the ticket. He stands close behind you, protective, letting the peak-time commuters nudge past him instead of you as you wait in line for the only working ticket barrier. You go through first and Heeseung quietly follows, trying to keep his eyes off your ass and praying that the rest of the day goes by more comfortably than it’s started. 

The train is packed too, so you stand by the doors and, again, Heeseung stands maybe a little closer than necessary, his arm above his head gripping the yellow handrail. “Why did you want to go to the museum anyway?” he asks, gulping when you look up at him. 

“I’ve always liked museums.” You shrug, playing with the buttons on your cardigan. 

“I know, it’s just.. You said earlier you wanted to go for one of your classes.” 

“Right. It’s a requirement for one of them. Visualising Culture,” you explain, looking him in the eyes. Suddenly nervous, he doesn’t trust his voice to speak so he nods, keeping his gaze fixed on yours. “Museum and Exhibition Studies.” 

“Cool.” 

“Yeah.” You nod and turn your head from him, looking through the window. 

Your eyes are stuck on the trees outside, blurring into each other, and his eyes are stuck on the side of your face, staring shamelessly for the rest of the journey. A tinny voice announces the name of the station you’re approaching, and you nudge Heeseung gently, a silent signal that it’s time to leave. Silence seems to follow you out of the station and into the museum, but he tells himself he doesn’t mind. 

For the last hour, you’ve been looking at artwork without taking note of anything or making comments, all while Heeseung observes you, wondering what you’re supposed to be doing for class. “What’s the point of this trip?” he finally asks. 

Without backing away from the painting, you turn your head to look at him, raising a brow. “What do you mean?” 

“Like, what’s your task?”

You chew on your lip for a bit before looking back at the painting. He can’t help but wonder if in all your time away you’ve been flexing some sort of elitist muscle, or if it’s come about as a result of your fancy exhibition studies class that you had to take a test to be accepted into. Finally, you lean away from the painting and use your phone to take a picture of the blurb before looking at him again. 

“I wanted an excuse to get someone to come to the museum with me and I wanted it to be you.” 

Your words are so cute and so honest that his heart warms in his chest, even as he ignores his sadness about the fact you felt like you needed an excuse to hang out. “You could have just asked me.” 

Considering his words, you frown, tilting your head at him. “You make it sound so easy.” 

“It is easy, or it should be, it’s us,” he says unthinkingly. Clearing his throat, he scratches the back of his neck. “I mean, that’s, like, the whole point of having friends, right? To hang out with them?” 

“Well.. yes. I just.. I don’t know.” 

Somehow, this makes perfect sense to Heeseung who only nods his head, moving on from the frame when you do. It’s nice watching you admire the art, to watch the soft smile that develops as your eyes scan the canvas. 

You like looking at the paintings when no one else is, to get up close and try spotting the brush strokes. You like imagining the artist and how they might have felt as they painted, and when the paint is thick, protruding from the canvas, when you can see streaks of yellow peeking through a sludgy green. You have a lot to say about the paintings and how they make you feel, and how they don’t make you feel, finding something you like in all of them.

After a while, you grab Heeseung’s hand and excitedly pull him through all the Ancient Egypt stuff, and he’s too happy that his fingers are locked with yours to worry about his aching feet anymore, and you’re so cute with your wide grin that he doesn’t have the heart to tell you he’d like to sit down. He hates you a little when the two of you take turns writing your names in hieroglyphs, and you somehow manage to maintain your neat handwriting. But you make up for it by writing his name too, drawing a pretty butterfly at the end that makes his heart race.

You start rambling about shabtis and how people were typically buried with a few, depending on their wealth and status, but Tutankhamun was buried with something like four hundred, and some of them were even painted to look like him. “Look at how pretty this one is,”  you say, grinning while holding your phone in his face with a picture of one. Your excitement peaks when you reach the big sarcophagus, and you let out a squeal when you open it and three kids run out, bursting into a fit of giggles. You’re excessively cute when you ask him to take a picture of you, and then make him take a video opening the front while you're ‘dead’ inside it. Which takes a few attempts because you’re laughing each time.

You tell him to delete those takes. He doesn’t.

Right when he’s expecting you to get out, you grab him by the wrist and pull him in with you, closing the front of it before letting go of him. Heeseung is certain he’s lived this exact moment before, but he was seventeen and you were giggling like crazy, feeling around in the dark for his shoulders to wrap your arms around before kissing him. He has no idea what he’s supposed to do or what you want him to do, and the feeling of your breath fanning his neck in the tight space isn’t helping. 

Silent minutes pass by like hours until a kid pulls the sarcophagus open. The light is blinding but Heeseung steps out, relieved, almost thanking the kid for saving him. You’re fiddling with your necklace and struggling to meet his eyes. When you do though, you shoot him an easy grin, laughing to yourself about nothing. 

“Do you want to get something to eat?” Drinks maybe?” you ask after a while, playing with the zipper on your jacket. 

Heeseung takes you to a restaurant where university students he’s only seen on Instagram walk around like they own the place. A tired-looking guy comes to take your orders before you even have a chance to take your coat off so Heeseung asks for a minute and the waiter leaves. There’s something in his demeanour though that makes it seem like you only have one full minute to make up your minds. 

“What do you want to drink?” you ask, holding the drinks menu out to him. 

Heeseung closes it, sitting it on the table. “Probably a beer.” 

You laugh at this. “You don’t have to act all manly in front of me.” There’s a soft look in your eyes like you mean it. 

“I actually like beer these days.” 

Your brows raise and your jaw drops before you utter the word whoa. 

“What?” he asks, suddenly self-conscious. 

You shrug, collecting yourself. “You’re just.. different now.” 

The very prospect of being different is shocking to Heeseung who prides himself on being pretty consistent with his behaviour. His brows knit together as he tilts his head. “Because I like beer?” he asks, scoffing slightly at the mere suggestion. 

“I mean, that’s part of it.” To his dismay, this seems to be the end of your sentence. He gives you a little nod, hoping you read his mind and elaborate like he wants you to. “You bleached your hair, pierced your cartilage, what’s next? Are you going to tell me you have a tattoo?” 

Heeseung feels his breath catch in his throat when you say the word tattoo but you don’t seem to notice. “It’s been a year,” he points out, folding the corner of his napkin, pressing his thumb against it with enough pressure to leave a defined fold and have it stick up a little when he lets go. 

“I know, it’s just.. weird, you know?” Your voice is small when you speak, soft and quiet, barely anything above the noise around you both.

Heeseung nods. He does know. 

“You’re weird too.” 

“How?” There’s a defensive tone to your voice that makes him chuckle. 

“You’ve always been weird.” 

A dramatic frown curves your lips and the waiter is back before you can object. Leaning forward slightly, he orders for both of you, the sharing platter of fried chicken, your French Martini, and his controversial draught beer. He doesn’t miss the way you raise your brows when he orders the beer, as if you’d been waiting to catch him out or something. After the waiter leaves, Heeseung meets your gaze briefly, matching the gentle smile on your lips before looking away. 

The drinks only take a few minutes and you thank the waiter before looking over at Heeseung, a mischievous glint in your eyes as you slide your cocktail over to him. “Do you want to try?” 

He nods, lifting the glass and moving the straw out of the way to take a sip from the rim. Nodding his head, he hums in approval, eyes widening. “It’s good.” 

You lean back in your seat, twirling the straw when he hands the drink back to you. “Yeah?” you ask, smiling triumphantly as if you made it yourself. “A normal person would’ve used the straw.” 

Heeseung can’t help but roll his eyes, liking the way you laugh. “Are you acting out because I called you weird?” 

“A little.” 

The waiter places the platter at the centre of the table with a small smile, that you match, clearly hungrier than you’d been letting on as you lick your lips at the sight of the chicken. Heeseung’s stomach grumbles quietly as the scent hits his nose and he feels like he hasn’t eaten in days when a plate lands in front of each of you. A comfortable familiarity settles over him when he lets you pick first, and he knows you feel it too from the sweet smile you give him before eyeing the food. You take a while considering every wing, even though all of the pieces are scarily identical, before picking one and Heeseung follows, choosing with much less care than you, but enjoying it nonetheless.

Under your light-hearted scrutiny, he orders a cocktail the next time the waiter comes around. It’s much better than his beer, and so quickly, one cocktail turns into two until both you and Heeseung are four drinks in, laughing over nothing and putting in an effort not to slur your words together. 

Time seems to pass at the same rate as your drinks, though neither of you seems to notice until you check the time on your phone and your mouth falls into a gasp. Heeseung does the same when you show him your screen, you only have ten minutes to make the fifteen-minute walk back to the station so you can catch the last train. 

He gets up to settle the bill as quickly as humanly possible before you grab him by the hand and book it out of the restaurant. Though breathless, he knows he can’t let up, running as fast as his legs will carry him as he tugs you along behind him. Somehow you still have it in you to cackle every time either of you trips up. 

Out of breath, you both slump into the first seats you find, sobering up a little after the run. He looks at you and feels his heart snag in his chest. “You okay?” he asks, huffing out a breath that pushes his bangs into the air.

“No,” you whine, pouting and resting your head on Heeseung’s shoulder. He lets his head rest on top of yours reaching his hand out to grab your own. He squeezes it gently, in a way he hopes is comforting. You lock your fingers with his before he can pull away and Heeseung’s heart starts pounding again. 

He doesn’t realise you’ve fallen asleep until the train reaches your stop and you don’t react. He doesn’t want to wake you up, nor does he want to let go of your hand, but he knows he has to. Heeseung nudges you gently, rousing you from your sleep. “Let’s go,” he mumbles. 

Stretching your arms above your head, you nod while yawning. 

You take tired steps alongside him on the short walk back to your apartment, not saying anything until you reach your doorstep when you yawn once more, looking up at him. “I actually had fun today, thanks for hanging out with me.” 

“Actually?” Heeseung raises a brow. “Did you think you wouldn’t?” 

You shrug, chewing on your lip. “I thought it might be awkward.” 

“It kind of was.” 

“Maybe,” you admit with a nod. “It was a pretty successful first date though.” Your eyes are like saucers as your hand flies up to cover your mouth. “Not in that way. I’m only saying ‘date’ because that’s what I said in the chat—I would’ve called it a date if Hoon came with me, you know? I didn’t see this as a date if that’s what you’re thinking. Because it wasn’t. And I didn’t.” 

“Mhm,” Heeseung hums with a sceptical look on his face, finding amusement in watching you scramble to correct yourself. “First dates are always awkward, baby, don’t worry.” The endearment slips out before he can help it, his heart stopping in his chest until he sees you smiling. 

“Well, yeah, but this wasn’t a date, baby.” 

“Are you sure? I mean, you made me pay for your train ticket, I paid for dinner and drinks. As far as first dates go, I’ve been a perfect gentleman all night.” 

“That you have.” You nod once, firmly. “I’m not going to pay you back or anything. And this is hardly our first date.” 

Heeseung grins despite himself. “Is this your way of saying I can bill you for our other dates? Do you have savings?” 

Your head falls back in laughter, the sound infectious as it falls from your lips. You sigh softly, straightening up after a beat and nudging his shoulder with your fist. “Stop making me laugh or I’ll do something stupid like kiss you.” 

His heart races in his chest, caught between your laugh and the thought that maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing. “I feel like if we pulled up a typical date timeline we’d be right on track for that, don’t you think?” 

“Heeseung,” you mumble, face softening. It doesn’t seem like you’re finding this funny anymore. Your gaze locks on his lips — a hyper focus that makes him press them together nervously — before snapping up to meet his eyes. You gulp. “Goodnight, thank you for today.” 

“Anytime.” 

“Don’t say that or I’ll take you up on it.” 

Heeseung shrugs. “You say that like I’d have a problem with it.” 

“You wouldn’t?” 

“Never.” 

A small laugh comes through your nose as you smile up at him. “I’ll see you, let me know when you get home.” 

“Got it.” 

Wordlessly, you open the door, crossing the threshold before saying goodnight again. Heeseung says it back, watching you shut the door and waiting for the lock to click before he leaves. 

He’s never drinking with you again. 

Heeseung feels like he’s settling into the role of your friend quite well. So well that he can spend time alone with you without the discomfort he felt in September. Maybe he’s taking liberties, bending the word friendship to suit him, but as you lie in his bed together, your head on his chest as you nap, he can’t bring himself to care too much. He knows he’ll get hurt by this at some point, but for now, he’s just happy to play with your hair and try his best to fall asleep too. You don’t stir when Jay opens the door, stopping dead in his tracks at the sight before him, tilting his head before closing the door quietly. 

Sleep never reaches him, but he pretends to yawn, rubbing at his eyes when your alarm wakes you up, making a point to stretch his arms over his head and only respond to you in a lazy mumble when you speak. “Whose idea was it to nap between classes, again?”

“I think it was yours.”

“Damn,’ you mumble, yawning again before laying back down, head returning to his chest as if drawn by a magnet. “I think ten more minutes, fifteen, and then we wake up and go back.” 

“Or we could skip?” 

The suggestion makes you jolt upright, fully awake now. You let your eyes drag over his face, and maybe Heeseung’s being hopeful or straight-up imagining things, but your gaze lingers on his lips for more than a few seconds before you gulp and meet his eyes. “Lee Heeseung trying to skip class? I never thought I’d see the day.” A smile spreads over your lips, turning into a laugh as you throw your head back. “That was funny, Hee. Let’s go.’

Heeseung’s brows furrow, watching you stretch your arms out in front of you. Was it so hard to believe he would skip class if it meant spending more time with you? His lips settle into a pout. “I’m serious.”

“No, you’re scaring me. Come on, let’s go,” you say, making no attempts to get up. 

To prove a point, Heeseung shifts under the covers, lying on his side with his back to you. “You go ahead, I’m staying.” 

You sigh but don’t get out of bed, only lying down next to him and draping an arm over his waist. “Ten more minutes.” You press yourself against his back and he feels his heart racing. As quickly as he feels it, you stiffen behind him. “I’m not crossing a line, right? Holding you like this? It’s always been easier to sleep if you’re next to me,” you say into his shirt. 

Remembering the way you would cuddle into his side during sleepovers, his heart aches, wondering if you had endured the same sleepless nights as him. Heeseung only lifts your arm to turn onto his back, pulling you onto his chest like you had been earlier. “Fifteen,” he says. 

Seeing as neither of you bothered to set another alarm, you sleep through class, only waking up when it’s dark out and Jay comes back. “I bought dinner, come eat,” he says, leaving the door open on his way out. 

Wordlessly, you both peel yourselves from bed, dragging your feet to the kitchen to wash your hands before joining Jay in the living room. Heeseung sits cross-legged on the floor by the coffee table while you and Jay sit on the couch. He’s not awake enough to fully register your conversation over the rustle of plastic takeout bags and his sudden overwhelming hunger, but you’re telling Jay to shut up, mumbling something and he lets out an exaggerated groan, clutching his chest when Heeseung turns around to hand over your food. 

With his elbows on the table, he takes a bite from his burger and has to suppress a moan. Most of your conversation with Jay goes over his head and he doesn’t realise how much time has gone by until you’re standing at the door pulling on your shoes. Given the way Jay’s lying on the couch, Heeseung assumes he’s on walking-you-home duty and grabs a jacket before stuffing his feet into Jay’s slides. 

The conversation is light as you walk together, Heeseung making sure he’s on the edge of the pavement the whole time and letting you talk about your friends. The walk has become so natural now that he only realises you’re approaching home when you take out your key to open the door to your building. 

“Do you want to meet before class tomorrow? To go over the slides we missed today?” you ask, with something behind your eyes that Heeseung sleepily interprets as hope. 

He nods, smiling at you and waiting for you to lock the door before he leaves. 

Jay’s awake when Heeseung gets back home; he can’t say he’s surprised. Heeseung only nods at Jay, who sits on the couch, but he knows his flatmate well enough to know there’s a conversation coming because the TV is off and his laptop is shut. Heeseung makes it all the way to his door before Jay says anything. “You’re in way over your head.” 

Heeseung sighs, not in the mood. “Okay. Night,” he says, opening the door. 

By the time November arrives and Jake’s birthday approaches, everything is back to normal again. Turning nineteen, Jake celebrates with a modest pub crawl that spirals into a three-day bender, leaving him bedridden for nearly a week due to dehydration and fear of a test he’d forgotten to study for. 

In standard Jake fashion, he manages to bounce back and sits across from Jay at his favourite restaurant only six days after his actual birthday. Considering the state he was in, it’s a wonder he can stomach the smell of alcohol, let alone down four cocktails without a pause. Jay and Sunghoon exchange sighs, each supporting one of Jake’s sleeping arms on their shoulders to carry him home. 

“Cover the bill and let me know the amount. I’ll transfer you in the morning,” Jay mumbles before they leave. 

You shake your head when Heeseung asks if you want to go home as well. “Unless you want to,” you say, all of your words blending together. “If you want to go home, we can. I don’t want you sitting here bored or anything.” 

Heeseung smiles. “I’m not bored, we can stay as long as you like.” You seem to take this to heart, nodding and flagging down a waiter to order more drinks. “Let’s maybe slow down a little though,” he suggests. 

He pours you a glass of water and makes you drink the whole thing, withholding your alcohol until you’ve finished the cold tteokbokki in front of you. Gradually, you become more coherent, wiping your face with your hands and sitting up a little straighter. You thank him when he pours soju for you and take tiny sips from the glass here and there, telling Heeseung about some of the friends you made while you were away. There’s Yizhuo—sweet, funny, and down-to-earth. And Minjeong—a quiet girl who needed a while to warm up to new people. You tell him about meeting her for the first time, how unsure she seemed when Yizhuo introduced you two, but by the end of the night, she was falling asleep next to you in bed with her arms and legs tangled around you. 

“Do you miss them?” It’s a stupid question, anyone could tell from the fond smile on your face that you do. 

A beat passes while you think about it before shrugging. “Not as much as I missed being here.” If he wasn’t watching you, or looking you straight in the eye, he probably would’ve missed the longing in your gaze. 

He’s never known you to be subtle after a drink, and Heeseung knows he needs to nip this conversation in the bud before either of you says something you can’t take back. “How are you getting on with your research task?” he asks, while at the same time you say, “I’m so happy to be back.” 

A short laugh slips out of you, a hand falling to the table before wrapping around your glass. You bring it up to your face but don’t drink, only looking down into it as if it’ll tell you what to say. “Are you happy I’m back?” 

“Sure,” Heeseung says noncommittally. 

You sigh, sinking into your seat a little. “I loved you. I still love you,” you mumble. “Even after all that.” 

He’s not sure what to make of this, of anything you’re saying. It’s not like you had a messy breakup or anything. At least, he wouldn’t describe his long-term girlfriend breaking up with him and asking if they could be friends after as messy. Even in heartbreak, Heeseung was a reasonable person, and any reasonable person would’ve said no. Like he did. 

“I still.. You’re still the one for me.” 

His stomach lurches violently. “Don’t say that.” He gets out of his seat quicker than he means to and leaves you at the table, tapping his foot as he waits in line by the bar to pay the bill, praying he’s right about the two of you sitting at table ten when the cashier asks. With a folded receipt in his pocket and too much to think about, he returns to the table, only putting on his coat and mumbling, “Let’s go.” 

For some reason, you don’t seem to mirror his urgency, only finishing off the drink you had left in one go and sitting for a bit longer. He takes your jacket from the back of your chair and holds it open for you, helping you into it when you finally stand up. “Thanks,” you giggle.

Heeseung says nothing. 

The silence and fresh air outside are sobering as he watches an Uber driver through the app, very slowly moving from two minutes away to one before arriving. Maybe if you hadn’t said what you said at the table, he might have warmed to the idea of a forty-minute walk alone with you, but you did say those things and even the thought of this fifteen-minute car ride is unbearable when John (4.9 stars) pulls up on the curb outside. You thank Heeseung quietly when he opens the door for you, and against his better judgement, he walks over to the other side of the car and sits in the middle seat like he used to. 

Slow R&B murmurs through the speakers as the driver pulls off while Heeseung hums along. His thigh is pressed against yours but he does his best not to think about it, only chewing his lip when you rest your head on his shoulder. He lets his head rest on top of yours before regretting it.

He doesn’t move. 

It feels a little bit like the driver is playing Heeseung’s playlist, as every song he knows and loves seems to come on one after the other, steeping him in an odd comfort in the backseat of this car.

Your hand falls onto his knee so clumsily he’s sure it’s a mistake, so sure you’ll move it back into your lap that he’s genuinely surprised when you don’t. Unsure what to do, he chooses not to acknowledge it, acting like you sitting so close to him, like the feeling that no time has passed, doesn’t make his heart clench. Slowly but surely, your hand inches up his thigh—a motion Heeseung stops as soon as he realises, his hand falling heavily over yours and pushing it back to his knee. He thinks about keeping it there, but when he feels his thumb stroking your skin, he moves his hand immediately. You’ve obviously gotten the wrong idea. For a moment, he wonders if you’ve actually gotten the right idea. You have. But it can’t happen like this. After a few minutes, you move your hand again, and like before, Heeseung pushes it back, keeping his hand over yours and reminding himself not to move his thumb.

You’re drunk. This will pass. 

Finally, the driver parks outside your building, and Heeseung’s sure his “thank you so much” holds the world’s sincerity in it as he unbuckles his seatbelt and practically leaps out of the car. He opens your door and has to undo your belt for you, helping you out and thanking the driver again. 

There’s a couple leaving the building when the two of you reach the door, and with your arms wrapped around his, he thanks them when they hold it open.

The lift takes forever to come and Heeseung pushes the up button five times before it arrives. He lets the girl in fleecy pyjamas with a takeout bag in her hand go in first before following, pressing the button reading 7 before relaxing a bit. Under the protection of a stranger, he knows you won’t do anything. The journey to your floor feels like hours as the lift drags its way up the shaft—why does nothing share his urgency? 

You don’t say anything until the elevator door swooshes shut behind you. “I love you, Heeseung. You know I love you.” You’re saying everything he’s been wanting you to say for ages, but the words make his words sting. 

“Do you know where your keys are?” he asks, though you still have a ways to go before you reach your door. 

“My pocket,” you mumble. 

Heeseung finds your keys, unlocks the door and helps you in. As much as he wants to leave, he knows if he does, you won’t take your makeup off or change, so he holds your hair back for you as you brush your teeth and wash your face in the sink quietly. 

In your bedroom, you search through your drawers, pulling out something to wear. He turns his back to you and ends up face-to-face with an old photo of the two of you from school. 

“You can look, Hee.”

Drawn to the picture, he doesn’t reply. The boys are in it too, but it feels like you two are the focus. Everyone’s smiling at the camera except Heeseung, who — with his arm around you — stares at the side of your face with a lopsided smile. Happiness radiates from his being, lighting his eyes and face.

“I want you to look.” The softness and desperation in your voice tug his heart.

“Come on ba—” Heeseung sighs. “Just get dressed, yeah?” 

You don’t say anything but he can hear the rustle of your clothes as you change. 

Jealousy blooms in his chest, looking at himself three years ago. Happy and full of love for you and your friends, for life. Everything was so easy then. His chest tightens and he has to close his eyes.

Heeseung feels you next to him, hears your jewellery falling into the clay holder on your dresser and opens his eyes, looking at you. You’re in a t-shirt he’s sure belongs to Jake and struggling with the clasp on your necklace. He knows you want him to help but he feels like he can’t move.

“I know you don’t want to hear it, but I really do want to be with you,” you say when you finally get the necklace off. “And I know I’m too late, but I didn’t break up with you because I didn’t want to be with you.” 

You’re so close the peppermint on your breath hits him like a wave. A distinct smell of citrus and summer, of Jake, comes from your body, mixed up with the scent of you in a way that makes him uneasy. 

He gets a headache trying to make sense of your words, if it wasn’t that you didn’t want to be with him, then what was it? Even back then, you didn’t elaborate, you just repeated his name and the words: it’s not your fault, over and over until they sounded made up. Heeseung can’t entertain this conversation, not now. Not when you’re drunk and looking up at him with longing in your eyes. “I think we need to get you to bed,” Heeseung mumbles, taking a step back. “I’ll get you some water.”

“But I’m here now and we can be together again.”

“You moving was never the problem. You know that wasn’t the problem.” A tear slips down your cheek and he softens immediately. “I wanted to go with you, I was going to go with you.” 

You wipe your eyes with the back of your hand, frowning. “This university was your dream. How could I let you give up your scholarship for me?”

“You were my dream,” he admits. “And it wasn’t your decision to make.” 

“You would have made the wrong one.” 

Heeseung scoffs. “Do you think breaking up was the right one?” 

Your silence is brutally telling. You squeeze your eyes shut as if trying to magic yourself out of the conversation, but it only makes more tears fall. A realisation hits him like a truck: you’re thinking about it. A painful lump forms in his throat. How could you have anything to think about? How was breaking up with him, not the single worst decision you’ve ever made? He can’t believe you could have let go so easily if you loved him. Long distance wouldn’t have been easy, but surely if you loved him, you would have made it work. You would have tried. Heeseung wishes he hadn’t asked at all.

“I do,” you say finally, opening your eyes to look at him.

His heart is heavy in his chest. “Okay.”

“Heeseung.”

“What?” 

A stomach-churning sob falls out of you. “I don’t know.” 

Another silence weighs the room down and Heeseung knows what he needs to do. He sighs. “Let’s just.. I should go.” 

You don’t put up a fight, you don’t say anything, only letting your shoulders droop before you sigh and lead Heeseung to the front door. He says goodbye as he puts his shoes on and all you do is watch as he leaves your apartment. He waits for you to close the door and lock it before walking away.

Heeseung walks all the way home and only cries when he closes his door, sliding down the back of it like something from a movie. With tears in his eyes, and his knees to his chest, he pulls out his phone to text you. I hope your hangover isn’t too bad, he types. Let’s only talk when we need to.

The two of you manage to hold this up, with you finding others to sit with during classes, and no one seeming to question Heeseung’s skipping plans or new close friendship with Mark’s group who he spends time with between classes instead. But as always, things have a funny way of going different to how Heeseung expected them to. 

After three weeks of near radio silence, Jay barges into his room with his face scrunched up. “What are you doing?” 

“Right now?” Heeseung asks, confused. Standing by the bed with the corner of his duvet in his hand, in nothing but his underwear, he thinks his plans look a little obvious. “I’m about to jerk off.”

Jay rolls his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. “You know what I mean.” 

“Evidently, I do not.” 

“Why don’t you hang out with us anymore?” he asks, squinting at Heeseung. 

“We’re hanging out right now.”

“Forgive me if I don’t count an impromptu circle jerk as hanging out.”

“I don’t.. want to do that.”

Jay clutches his chest. “I’m crushed.” 

Heeseung studies his expression. Serious, an inch of concern pooling in his eyes. “We dated for six years, she dumped me, I turned into a shell of myself, but she moved back home and we’re all friends again, so I think things are looking up for me.”

A deep sigh leaves Jay as he sits on the bed. “What happened at the bar with YN three weeks ago when we all left?” 

“Nothing out of the ordinary.”

“What exactly counts as ordinary for you two?”

Heeseung’s still trying to figure that out. He shrugs. “Making the right decisions.” 

“So you’re okay?”

“Never better.’

“You don’t have to lie to me, you know?” There’s a sincere look on Jay’s face as he leans back on his hands.

“Which is why I’m being honest.” 

It doesn’t seem like Jay’s going to let this go, but to Heeseung’s surprise, he smiles. “Perfect,” he says, standing up from the bed and walking over to the mirror where he checks himself out. “Because she and the guys are going to be here in ten. Put some clothes on.”

He does just that, pulling some shorts over his hips and a shirt over his head before pulling the two bean bag chairs stacked next to the couch to sit in front of the TV, claiming one of them with his body by sinking into it. The cosy material is soft against his thighs and he wonders why they don’t use them more. 

Ten minutes go by like seconds when Jay gets up to answer the door, laughing at something one of you says before leading you all into the living room. He’s watching some show Jay left on, greeting you and the boys with a wave before turning back to the TV. Behind him, the four of you laugh and talk on the couch but Heeesung’s too wrapped up in an argument on screen to join in. His attention only falters when he reaches for the open six-pack on the coffee table. It’s barely out of his reach, so he turns around to take a beer, trying to ignore the way his heart sinks in his chest seeing you and Jay cuddled up together. It’s friendly, he knows that. Jay’s with Yunjin and you’re.. He’s still not sure, but it hurts nonetheless. You’re bickering over a bowl of popcorn and he only laughs when you throw a handful at him. 

The red speaker Sunghoon’s holding chimes three times when he turns it on, a Frank Ocean thudding out of it that drowns out the show he’s watching, leaving him to follow along with the subtitles instead. But he can’t focus. 

Heeseung tries to settle his heartache, comforting himself with the thought of the two of you in another reality. One where it’s him instead of Jay. Or one where you come over and sit with him, curling up in his lap, pouting because Jay’s being mean. He pictures himself stroking your hair and kissing away your pout, holding you into his chest when Jake and Sunghoon start teasing you. In this reality, however, he watches you peel Jay’s shirt from his chest and dump a handful of popcorn in the gap, cackling to yourself at the clear frustration he doesn’t verbalise. Heeseung sighs, looking back at the TV and taking a sad sip of his sad beer. 

After a while, you fall into the beanbag next to him, sprawling out over the whole thing and looking at him. “Hey, Heeseung.” 

“Hello.” 

“I’m sorry about that night.” Your voice is quiet, clearly apologetic if the way you don’t meet his eyes is anything to go by.

“Okay.” Heeseung nods and a beat passes. “I meant what I said, what I texted you.” It hurts to say but it’s for the best. He stands up out of the beanbag, making a show of stretching his arms and legs before sinking into the couch next to Jake. Over Jake’s slouched form, Jay shoots him a look, arching a brow. Heeseung only stages a chuckle, shrugging before looking at the TV again. He can’t make sense of anything on the screen. 

Sunghoon emerges from Jay’s room with a grin on his face, asking when you’re going to eat. In standard fashion, the four of you stand around Jay in the kitchen, bothering him by telling him what to do like he’s a child as he puts frozen pizza and some garlic bread in the oven. 

“The middle one’s the timer,” Jake says, pointing at the knobs above the oven door. “It’s there so you can set how long the food needs to cook for, and after you set it, it’ll go off so you know it’s ready.”

“But it’s all up to you and your discretion. You can open the door whenever you want to check on everything,” you coo, patting his shoulder.

If Jay’s actually annoyed, nothing about his smile gives it away as he nods with a clenched fist, closing the door and sitting next to Heeseung on the countertop. Heeseung’s almost too busy focusing on the way his beer heats his stomach to notice the way you watch him with a small frown from barely an arm’s length away. Sunghoon picks up on your declining mood and thrusts an open bottle into your hand. “We like to drink with—” He’s cut off by Jay taking the bottle and setting it behind you on the counter, mumbling cut it out, dude, and tugging you out of the kitchen by the arm when he notices the tears in your eyes. 

He hears Jay’s door close and nobody says anything until the timer goes off and Jay comes back alone, filling a plate with food and going back to his room. 

“Thanks for dinner,” Jake says to the back of Jay’s head, offbeat and half smiling as he washes his hands in the sink. 

Sitting at the table, he watches Jake and Sunghoon eat while pretending nothing’s wrong. 

At the end of the night, when everyone’s gone home, Heeseung gets into bed, barely managing to pull the duvet up when there’s a knock at his door. “Yeah?” he calls out. Jay appears with his arms crossed over his chest. “I don’t want to talk about it,” he says quickly. 

Jay regards him with a frown. “I didn’t even say anything.” 

“You were going to.” 

“Yeah.” He nods, and Heeseung prepares himself for a lecture. “I was going to say, I’m going home next week, for Christmas, so I was wondering if you wanted to go with me.” 

The holidays go by in a soju and tteokguk-filled blur, with Heeseung choosing to stay at home until the day of his first class of the second semester so he doesn’t have to be around you. He tells himself it’s for the good of your friend group, as he watches you all make plans in the group chat through notification bubbles, so he doesn’t leave a read receipt. 

The commute is more jarring than he realised. What had been a twenty-minute drive turns into an hour-long journey, including a thirty-minute walk to the train station ‘near’ house, fifteen minutes on the train into the city centre, and another fifteen minutes on foot to campus. He’s drenched in sweat despite the below-zero temperature and has to make a stop to the bathroom to sort himself out.

He arrives early at least, finding the room where his Ethnography: Theory and Practice 2 class is set to start in fifteen minutes. The only indicator that he’s in the right place is the lecturer’s name and contact information written in the top corner of a whiteboard, and Heeseung picks the seat furthest from the door. It’s an elective class and, judging by the nine empty chairs next to him, not a very popular one. He’s relieved at least that he’ll be able to start off the semester without running into anyone he knows, least of all you. As seats start filling up and the lecturer arrives, he’s feeling unusually lucky. 

So, of course, you show up, running a hand through your hair as you walk through the open door, apologising for being late even though there are still two minutes until the class is scheduled to begin. Of course, the only empty seat is the one next to him, which you sit in without looking at him, making an effort to angle your body away from him. Of course, the lecturer assigns a presentation for two weeks time, pairing the class with the person they’re sitting beside. Neither you nor Heeseung say a word to each other, but you raise your hand when prompted to pick a topic to cover. He can’t help his irritation at you for making the decision without asking him, but you look so nice in your hoodie with your hair tied up that his annoyance settles before it has a chance to bloom. 

“YN YLN and Heeseung Lee, we’ll do music and cultural expression,” you say, picking the topic he wanted to do anyway. 

When class is over, you’re quick to get out of your seat, pulling on your jacket and stuffing your laptop back into your bag before leaving so quickly that Heeseung has to leave his stuff behind to go after you. You don’t stop walking when he calls out your name, and too scared to make a scene, he overtakes you, leaving you with no option but to stop in front of him. 

“We should go to the library, get the research and shit out of the way ASAP,” he suggests.

You nod, crossing your arms over your chest. 

“Yeah, okay, I’m going to get my stuff.”

You follow him back to class, watching from the door as he puts his things in his bag before putting on his jacket. You don’t say anything on the walk to the library, when you get there, or when you browse the Cultural Studies section. Heeseung glances at you and you’re chewing on your lip, crouching a bit to read the spines of the books on the lower shelves. “Are you alright?” he asks with genuine concern. 

You look up at him, nodding. 

“Are you sure? Because you haven’t said anything in an hour.”

This makes you straighten up, your brows furrowing in an expression he can’t figure out. “Sorry, Heeseung,” you say, your voice weak. “I’m just trying to figure out if you think I need to talk right now.” 

“Obviously, a paired project is a situation where we need to talk.” 

You sigh, muttering oh, my God, before you look at him. “You know what, I’m going home. Let’s do this tomorrow.” 

“We have class in twenty minutes.” 

“Yeah, I’ll read the slides when I get in.”

Unsure what to say, he watches you walk away, deciding that he should just go home too. 

At the flat he hasn’t seen in five weeks, Heeseung feels slightly out of place, going straight to his room and into bed, not even getting up when he hears Jay coming home. Jay opens the door without knocking, his mouth falling into an excited ‘o’ shape. “Hey, stranger,” he says. “I thought you weren’t coming back, so I started advertising your room on Gumtree.” 

“Any offers?”

“No one as good as you.” Heeseung doesn’t have to look at Jay to know he’s smiling. “Move over,” he mumbles, lifting the duvet. 

Lazily, he rolls over in bed, making room for Jay who makes himself comfortable under the covers. 

“What are you doing, Heeseung?” 

“Trying to sleep.” 

“Talk to me, help me understand.” Jay sighs and Heeseung’s lips curl into a frown. “You’re my best friend,” Jay says quietly, with a tenderness that strikes him. 

“You’re my best friend,” Heeseung repeats like an affirmation. 

“So why won’t you talk to me?”

There’s a subtle hurt in Jay’s voice that upsets Heeseung, who shifts around to lie on his back. “I don’t think there’s anything I can tell you that YN hasn’t already.” 

“She only told me that she fucked up.”

Hearing it from someone else’s mouth makes it sound drastic, especially considering he’s the one who left. Again. But he’s too bitter to say that out loud so he bites his tongue. “Seems to be the theme in our relationship.” The words taste rotten when he says them.

“Just because you’re my best friend doesn’t mean you get to be a dick,” Jay says. “What happened?” 

It takes some time but Heeseung explains everything, letting Jay ask questions and make comments until the end when he looks away, pressing his eyes shut and saying, “Oh.” 

“Oh?”

“I don’t think I get it. Boy loves girl. Girl loves boy. Why can’t you just be together already?”

Everything sounds painfully simple when it’s put like that. But there’s too much between you both for it to go that way. It’s not like he didn’t want to be with you when you confessed, it’s that he didn’t know how he could without knowing why you left him in the first place. Without knowing what he did that was so terrible you couldn’t stand to be in a relationship with him, never mind the same area code. 

A beat passes before Heeseung speaks. “There was something wrong, and instead of trying to fix it, she just.. gave up. I would’ve done anything she asked me to. I could’ve changed, could’ve fixed things, but she didn’t even tell me.” 

“Maybe she didn’t feel like she could. I don’t think she wanted to hurt you, Heeseung.” 

“But she did.” 

“Yeah,” Jay admits, sympathy lacing the word. 

“How can I be with her knowing there’s some awful part of me she hates?” 

“It’s not like that, not really.” 

“What’s it like then?”

“I’m not sure it’s my place to say.” 

Heeseung laughs, shaking his head. “Do you keep my secrets as dutifully as you keep hers?” 

“Are you kidding? She doesn’t even know you have secrets.” Jay sounds exhausted as he speaks, and it’s the last sound to come from him until a few minutes pass and Heeseung hears him snoring. 

You didn’t reply when Heeseung texted you asking to meet in the library before class, but you show up anyway, pulling out the seat across from him and dumping your bag on the table. “I don’t know if you saw the email, but the partner work is just for the presentation.” 

“Cool.” he nods, relieved. 

“I think after that, I’ll start hanging out with Yunjin instead, so you’re not uncomfortable.” 

Heeseung frowns, shaking his head. “I’m not uncomfortable around you,” he says. “I just don’t.. get you. You dump me and move as far away as you can. Now you’re back and what? You love me again?” 

You furrow your brows, inspecting him for a moment before you speak. “I don’t love you again, Heeseung. I’ve loved you this whole time.” 

“So why didn’t you choose me? I just wanted you to choose me.” He’s too anxious to know the truth to worry about how desperate he must sound. Until he notices that the guys sitting at the other end of the tables are watching him, their brows arched sharply in a mixture of shock and curiosity. Heeseung runs a hand over his face, hoping the motion might wipe away the flush burning his cheeks.

“You wanted me to choose you over my future?” 

“I could’ve been your future, part of it. I’d never ask you to choose me over university, you know I wouldn’t. I’m saying you could’ve had both.” 

“It wasn’t as easy as that.” 

“Why not?” 

“Heeseung,” you say like it’s an answer. 

“Just tell me why you didn’t want me. That’s all I want to know.” 

The following silence makes him consider packing up abruptly and faking an emergency. He’s sure he could probably fake his death if he slumps in his chair slowly enough. 

You sigh heavily, interrupting his train of thought—now, he’s wondering if he even wants to know. “Because you would’ve put me first,” you say, avoiding his gaze. “If I stayed here or moved away, I would’ve been your top priority and I couldn’t let you throw away everything you worked for, for me.” 

“I loved you, of course, you were my top priority.” He can’t believe he even has to say it, can’t believe you might have thought you weren’t the single most important thing in his life. 

“Heeseung, you were sacrificing your life for me. You missed your cousin’s engagement party to help me study for a history test, you deferred your scholarship entry by a year just so we could go to college at the same time. How could I keep letting you miss out on your life?” 

“Deferring my entry wasn’t just for you,” he lies. “And it’s not like I missed the wedding.” 

“But I think you would’ve if I stubbed my toe.”

“Would that be such a bad thing?” 

You sigh again, shaking your head. “Do you hear yourself? You can’t keep living like that, you can’t just throw everything away. You’re such a hard worker, Heeseung, and I’d hate to see you waste that over some girl.” 

“But you’re you. You weren’t just ‘some girl’ you were my girl.” He doesn’t mean to say it but it’s true. “We were in high school and I was studying constantly; it didn’t matter back then. And you were so far away, it’s not like I could feasibly drop everything and go to you every time something happened.” 

“Heeseung.” 

“You had a choice.” 

“Heeseung.” 

The way you’re saying his name reminds him of your breakup—the pink walls of your childhood bedroom and the pictures of the two of you stuck up all over them, in frames on your desk, and stickers on your light switch. How they seemed to close in around him as he put all of his energy into staying on two feet, instead of falling to the floor and begging you on hands and knees to stay with him. 

“Why didn’t you just tell me? I’ve spent the last year and a half wondering what I did wrong, I don’t understand why you didn’t just tell me.” We could’ve tried, he wants to say. I could have changed and we could’ve tried. 

“I didn’t want you to lose that. I felt really lucky that you loved me like that, and I didn’t want to rob someone else of it, you know. I thought maybe you’d find a balance with someone someday, but I didn’t think that person would be me.” 

Heeseung has to put in an effort to stop his jaw from dropping. How could there ever be someone else? How could you ever think he could have someone else? There’s so much he wants to say, to ask, but he can tell by the way you press your lips together that you’re done with the conversation. 

“It’s not too late.” 

You tilt your head at him. “What?” 

“In your room that night, you said you were too late,” he explains. “I love you.”

“Still?” 

His heart shifts uncomfortably in his chest at the tone of your voice and the way your eyebrows shoot up. “Always,” he says. 

A smile starts to curve your lips, but it slips before it has a chance to bloom, stifled happiness that you cover with your hands, hiding your face completely. “I don’t think we should talk about this here.” Your palms muffle the words but not their impact; you’re right and he knows it. 

It’s been a year—the longest of his life, and the hard part is already over. He knows now and he’ll do anything he can to fix it. “Right.” Heeseung nods but you’re not looking at him. He’s going to fix it. For now, though, he says, “What’s our research topic again?” Despite having had Music and Cultural Expression typed into the search bar since before you arrived. 

With Heeseung’s work ethic and your commitment to being the best, the presentation goes quite smoothly. You make no mistakes, and Heeseung, distracted by how pretty you look in professional attire, manages to stumble through the script he’d rehearsed. The two of you even win the first place prize — satisfaction that you got a perfect score — and celebrate with coffee afterwards. 

Between the four walls of the campus café, you and Heeseung sip lattes that taste like temperature — still too hot to have a real flavour — and laugh with each other about something Jay said when you all hung out last night. Neither of you mentions your conversation from two weeks ago, deciding instead to fall into the patterns of your first term together: napping in his bed after class and coming up with excuses for alone time. He makes an effort to follow through with his commitments, even when you ask him to hang out, to show you that he’s different now. If you’ve noticed, you haven’t said anything about it, but Heeseung tells himself it’s a good thing while missing shots on the court with Mark, too hung up on you to focus on anything else. The only thing left is to figure out a way to be yours again and do everything he can to make sure he doesn’t lose you. 

Over your shoulder, through the window, the sun slips below the horizon, casting long shadows around the café. He takes a deep breath when he looks at you, smiling down at your phone as you take a picture of your half-drunk latte and the milky swirls still peeking through your coffee. A tangible determination settles in his chest as evening’s first stars appear in the sky, he knows one thing for sure: he has to grab the chance to be yours again with both hands, and once it’s his, he won’t let go this time. 

The café may be clearing out, but his heart is full of hope and for the time being, sitting with you as a friend is.. fine. 

You’d often imagined what it would be like if you hadn’t broken up with Lee Heeseung. 

Most of your first year was spent daydreaming about him in all of your usual hangouts. Sometimes, at drinks with your friends, you envisioned him showing up, a smile on his face as he apologised for being late. He’d slide into the booth next to you, wrap his arm around your shoulders and kiss your cheek. Other times you imagined him showing up to surprise you, sitting on a bench in the quad and grinning when he saw you leaving. He’d run up to you with open arms and a bouquet in his hand, wrapping you in a hug and whispering that he missed you too much to wait another day to see you. You would even fall asleep thinking about FaceTime calls that stayed on overnight or drunken texts after the club, misspelt I love yous and can’t wait to see yous filling your text thread. 

You didn’t tell your new friends much about him, briefly mentioning a partner you’d watched some film with or an artist he liked if they came up, and most nights were spent begging Jay to send you Heeseung’s social media posts and tell you every detail of the day they had without you. Based on accounts from Jay, Jake, and Sunghoon, it seemed like he was getting on well, a fact that — while hurtful — pushed you to try and do the same. After a month of avoiding your flatmates, you finally managed to connect with them, going to various social events around campus and rolling your eyes any time a drunk guy complimented you. 

This is why it took you by surprise to see him at Mark Lee’s party in the summer—sitting alone in the garden, in sweatpants and a flannel, looking at his phone with a deep frown etched over his lips. When you think about it, it feels like so long has passed since then and it’s hard to believe it wasn’t even a year ago. 

Being back in Heeseung’s life has been more challenging than you thought it would be when you filled out your transfer application. Especially in the weeks since you finished your presentation together, since you suggested the library might not have been the right place for the conversation you were having and never followed up on. 

Now doesn’t seem like the right time either—you’re sitting on the floor in Jake and Sunghoon’s living room with your back against the couch, sharing a blanket with Heeseung. Jay left about an hour ago to go to Yunjin’s, leaving the four of you to your own devices. You know you can’t bring it up with Jake and Sunghoon around, but you’ve had plenty of opportunities to over the last month. 

When you finished your celebratory lattes, Heeseung walked you home. The sky was a perfect inky black, and it was cold enough to see your breath, just the way he liked, so cold he offered you his jacket to wear. He didn’t say anything about it, only shrugging it off and setting it gently over your shoulders, shocking you so much that you stopped walking. The scent of his cologne, dark and woody, was overwhelming as you slid your arms into the sleeves, zipping it up and after three paces without you, Heeseung turned his head with wide eyes. You could have said it then, you wanted to say it then, but you bit your tongue and thanked him instead. He smiled, gulping when you closed the gap, you should have kissed him, he was close enough, his lips just a tip-toe and tilted head away, but you hugged him instead. 

After that, the two of you had all the time in the world together. Between your shared classes and going for meals alone. All the time you’d spend in his living room together, cosy on the couch when Jay would go to sleep. So many moments to talk, to get back together, but the words would die in your throat every time you thought them. It all seemed too cheesy or not cheesy enough, too dramatic or too casual, you couldn’t strike a balance and had no idea how to even find one. 

Last night was probably the most jarring occasion. Yunjin and Chaewon had been trying to convince you to go the club all week but you just weren’t in the mood. They seemed happy enough when you suggested hosting pres—but now you think they’d been hoping you’d be so drunk you’d just agree to go out. Yunjin brought half a litre of vodka and Chaewon brought a soup flask with enough murky cocktail in it to feed a small family. Together, the three of you drank and gossiped around the small table in your living room, with Chaewon’s phone in a glass to amplify her playlist. After taking a whiff of whatever she brought, you and Yunjin decided — for everyone’s wellbeing — to hide her flask and take shots of vodka, finishing off the cider you had left in the fridge. 

“Please come out,” Yunjin begged. “I’ll feel bad leaving you here, all pretty and drunk by yourself.” 

“I’ll feel bad too!” Chaewon added, clasping her hands. “Not bad enough to stay with you, but I’ll probably have less fun.” 

You shook your head. “I don’t even have an outfit.” The words were like music to their ears and you regretted them as soon as you said them. Both girls grabbed you by the hand, tugging you to your room and flinging open your wardrobe. Yunjin looked for a top and Chaewon for a skirt, though both of them gasped when they saw the dress you wore for Heeseung’s birthday. Chaewon pulled it from the rack, holding it out in front of her. 

“We won’t pay for anything if you wear this,” she squealed before she and Yunjin started chanting: Free booze! Free booze! 

You sighed, thinking of Heeseung and shook your head again. That dress, though beautiful, hadn’t been enough for him to lose all composure and skip the party in favour of fucking you into the mattress, and you didn’t love the idea of guys that weren’t him ogling you all night. “Anything but that dress.” 

Yunjin and Chaewon seemed sad, but you were able to distract them by bringing out the disaster cocktail the oldest girl brewed earlier, pouring each of them half a glass and ordering an Uber to come and take them away. You promised them you’d go out next time, locking your pinkies with theirs and closing the door behind them. 

Alone in your room, with nothing but thoughts of Heeseung to keep you company, you called him. He answered right away. You can’t remember exactly what you said but you remember the soft sigh he let out when you said it. You could practically see him tilting his head, weighing his options. 

“I’m trying to get a paper finished, it’s due Monday,” he said finally. 

“But it’s Thursday.” 

“Yeah, and I want to have my weekend free. If you’re still up when I’m done, I’ll come over, okay?” 

You nodded. “Okay.” 

Heeseung hung up after that and you got out of bed to clean up, hoping the time would fly. It didn’t, but your flat was clean again so you pretended not to mind. 

He called you after midnight. “Do you still want me to come over?” he asked, breathless. 

“Please.” There was a knock on your door after you spoke and you mumbled hold on before going to check it. Warped by the peephole, you saw Heeseung standing there, holding his phone to his ear and playing with the zipper on his jacket. He hugged you when you opened the door, asking if you were okay. “Perfect,” you said, looking into his eyes. 

His pretty face scrunched up and he pinched his nostrils shut with his fingers, turning his head. “Well, you smell like a distillery.”

Heeseung stood in the doorway of the bathroom while you brushed your teeth, grinning every time his eyes met yours in the mirror. Tell him now, you thought. You have to tell him now. Those thoughts nagged you as you gargled mouthwash, plagued you when you hugged him again and tortured you when he carried you to bed. 

He stiffened when kissed his jaw. “You can’t do that,” he mumbled, setting you down under the duvet. “Not now.” 

Then when? you wanted to say. “I’m sorry,” you said.

Heeseung sighed, shaking his head. “No, it’s just.. It’s okay.” 

Neither of you spoke after that, you made room for him on the bed and he lay down next to you, let you rest your head on his chest and played with your hair until you fell asleep. He was gone when you woke up in the morning but he left a glass of water and some paracetamol on your end table, along with a note. 

I had to go to class and you wouldn’t wake up :(  We’ll talk about everything soon, we have to. See you at Jake and Sunghoon’s later? 

— Your Hee. 

If you hadn’t been drunk he might have been okay with the kiss, he might have looked down at you and kissed you properly. You might have talked last night, fixed things—you’ve never regretted drinking so much in your life. 

Things are better tonight at least. You’ve been nursing the same can of cider since you arrived a few hours ago and Heeseung’s only had two sips of his beer, so hopefully, if you get some alone time, the two of you can finally talk. You’re still not sure what you should say, if you should apologise for waiting so long, for leaving in the first place. It seemed like a good idea at the time, applying elsewhere. You didn’t even think you’d get in but you knew you’d never forgive yourself if you didn’t at least take the chance. It seemed like a sign when the acceptance letter reached your inbox before the term had finished, an unconditional offer to a high-ranking university, you couldn’t pass it up. And knowing Heeseung as well as you did, you knew he’d do anything to be by your side when you needed him, you knew he’d drop everything to move with you if you let him. You’d owe him forever. It wouldn’t be fair on either of you. 

You called Jay in tears after a month away, telling him you made a mistake, that you needed to come back and had already filled out a transfer application. He convinced you to at least stay until the end of term, to actually make friends with the girls you were living with and see how you felt. A week later, he, Jake and Sunghoon showed up on your doorstep with chocolate and booze, hoping your room was big enough for all of them to stay for the weekend, it wasn’t, not really, but for three nights, the four of you slept head to toe in your bed after eating your body weights in pizza and ice cream. There was no talk of Heeseung, even though you begged them, and by the time they left, you felt much better. At the end of your first year, you quietly submitted your transfer application and shared a tearful goodbye with Yizhuo and Minjeong before finally flying back home. The boys seemed happy to have you back, even if it meant sneaking around to hang out with you—A nudge pulls you out of your thoughts, Heeseung.

“Are you okay?” he asks. 

When you look at him, it feels like the wind has been knocked out of you. His eyes are brimmed with concern, wide and beautiful, a deep brown you’ll never get sick of. His lips are curved into a soft pout, a crease running along his brow that you want to smooth out. 

Heeseung relaxes a little when you nod, but he seems unconvinced. “You sure?” 

You reach up to poke his cheek, grinning when he turns his head, trying to fight a smile. “I’m good,” you say, pressing a dimple into his cheek anyway. 

He holds your finger in his hands, unclenching your fist and locking his fingers with yours. A wide grin stretches over your lips as you plead with your cheeks to stop burning. Jake’s hand interrupts the moment, falling from the couch, limp and curled into a fist that smacks the back of your head. He’s fast asleep, not stirring at all even when Heeseung laughs. 

Unfortunately, you lose rock, paper, scissors and have to wake Jake up. He shifts a little on the couch when you shake him, whining at you to stop and scrunching up his face at you. Heeseung and Sunghoon eventually sigh, grabbing him by the arms and legs to carry him to bed. 

Both boys return, laughing about something and Heeseung sits down next to you again while Sunghoon leans in the doorway, yawning. “You two can have my room,” he says, cutting his eyes at you. “No funny business though, I just changed my sheets.” 

You chuckle nervously and Heeseung makes a show of hiding his face in the crook of your neck, much to Sunghoon’s visible dismay. He clutches the doorframe so hard you see his knuckles paling and uses his free hand to point a stern finger in your direction. “I mean it,” is the last thing he says before leaving. 

“Sorry,” Heeseung mumbles when the door closes. “It’s just so funny teasing him.” He’s grinning when he lifts his head and runs a shaking hand through his hair. “Anyway, you still haven’t told me about your group project.”

A sigh curls out of you, dramatic and loud as you let your head fall back against the couch at the thought of it. You brought it up in passing on Monday after class and spent the rest of the week pretending it didn’t exist. 

“Damn,” he mutters. “That bad?” 

You don’t have many friends in your Archaeology class, but you always look forward to it — because you’re covering Ancient Egypt — and enjoy it. But this morning, you slept in, arriving late, to find your lecturer assigning groups for a project weighing 25% of your final grade. She put the groups together based on where people were sitting, which left you, standing in the doorway fighting for breath, being added to a group of boys you shared a seminar with last term. They never contributed, and rarely showed up, constantly sending messages in the class Whatsapp group to ask if anyone had the tutorial answers. The sinking feeling that your project was doomed before it began plagued you throughout the lecture and all the way to lunch with Yunjin afterwards. Even though it doesn’t have anything to do with the story, you tell him in meticulous detail about your time with her that day. Thankfully, you’re sober so don’t admit that you spent a lot of the meal exchanging increasingly ridiculous ideas to get him back. 

Heeseung is just as beautiful and good at listening as always, nodding his head and uhm-ing and ah-ing at all the right parts. Until his gaze changes for a split second into something so soft and so sweet that it leaves a mark on your heart. “I was pissed about it earlier, but now I’m here, with you, and I want you to be my boyfriend again,” you say, jaw hanging open as soon as the words come out. 

His eyes widen, lips parting in shock. Then his brows furrow, pushing a crease into his forehead. 

“I know what you’re going to say and I’m sorry.” You start running damage control and pray that Jake or Sunghoon will wake up and come back. “I really didn’t mean to say that, especially not now when we haven’t talked about everything. But you looked at me, Heeseung. You really looked at me just now and I can’t pretend I don’t want to be with you. I’m sorry, really, but it’s your fault I said that.” 

Mortified, you cover your face with your hands. “Can you say something now?” you ask, mumbling into the heels of your palms. 

All he says is your name and a pit forms in your stomach. “God, anything but that,” you groan. 

Heeseung chuckles, which you think is a good thing. “Would it be better if I called you baby?” 

“In what context?” 

Holding your breath, you watch as he presses his lips together, humming as he tilts his head. “Term of endearment between a girlfriend and her boyfriend.” 

You lift your head, separating your fingers to see him properly through the space and the pit in your stomach dissolves into something live, butterflies fluttering in a frenzy from the look on his face. The gentle curve of his lips, the warmth in his eyes, and the slight flush on his cheeks all make your head spin. 

“Really?”

Heeseung nods so hard his hair follows the movement. “Yes, baby.” 

“Can we kiss now?” 

“Maybe if you move your hands out of the way.”

“I don’t like maybe.”

“Definitely if you move your hands out of the way,” he corrects. 

You can’t bring yourself to move, worried that the sudden motion might disrupt something, might knock you out of the moment. Heeseung laughs, so softly it sounds like an exhale, as he takes your wrists in his hands, tugging gently. With your face in full view, his eyes flit over your features for a beat before he cups your cheek in his hand, dragging his thumb over the soft skin of your lips. 

You don’t even realise he’s leaning in until his lips touch yours. There’s a rush of something in your chest, an intense warmth surrounding your heart. His lips are softer than ever, gentle as he kisses you like you might break—you think you might. Nothing is better than this, better than having Heeseung’s lips on yours after all this time. You lean into him completely, pressing your body impossibly close to his and twirling your fingers around the hair at the nape of his neck. 

“I love you,” he whispers, barely pulling away. “I love you so much.” 

You can’t bring yourself to reply, emotions too close to the surface, tears too close to spilling. Instead, you smile into the kiss, somehow holding him closer and hoping he’ll understand. He pulls back, just enough to gaze into your eyes with a look of pure affection. He doesn’t press for words, a reassuring smile tugging his lips. 

He understands, Heeseung always understands. 

Sunghoon’s sheets are soft against your skin when you wake up, tickling your nose with the scent of detergent and Heeseung’s shampoo—fresh and light. Your hand finds its way into his hair, fingers curling around the strands as Heeseung watches you with a soft smile, eyes scanning your features, taking you in. He lets his hand rest on your cheek, thumb stroking the skin there and his eyes flick up to meet yours. You feel like a teenager, a giddy smile gracing your lips, giggles tumbling out at the tickly feeling of lovestruck butterflies rumbling in your stomach. Heeseung beams, nuzzling into the touch of your hand as his eyes flutter shut. 

“If we’re going to work out this time—I want us to work out, but we need to talk,” you say after a beat. 

Heeseung’s brows raise like he can’t believe what you’re saying, his lips pushing into a pout. “We are going to work out, of course we’re going to work out.” His voice is still raspy from sleep, a deep hoarseness that’s too sexy for the cute way he’s chewing on his lip, doe-eyed and sweet as his eyes scan your face.

“I know, baby, I want that.” You nod, using your hand to push his hair out of his face. It’s so long now it’s starting to cover his eyes, the soft blond strands curling into his eyelashes. “But you have to say no to me, you know? I want you to have a life of your own, we both should.” 

“No.” 

“No?” You press your eyes shut, sighing. “What do you mean, no?” 

“I’m starting now.” 

“I’m serious, Hee, this is serious.” 

He pouts for a second before nodding. “I’m serious too. I can say no to you, I will say no to you.” 

You can’t help your scepticism, raising your brow at him as you inspect his face. There’s nothing about his expression that suggests he’s not being serious, nothing in those huge eyes seeming insincere. But you know Heeseung, you’ve been with Heeseung, and you know better than anyone, there’s nothing he wouldn’t do if it meant spending time with you, so you have to ask. “So from now on, if I text you when you’re in class or out with friends, and I tell you I want to see you, what are you going to do?” 

Heeseung sighs. “I’m going to text back and say that I’m.. busy.” His lips curl into a frown. “My heart will be super heavy though.” 

“But you’ll do it? You won’t see me until you’re free?” 

“I’ll do it, I won’t leave or anything.” 

“Do you promise?” 

“Yeah, baby, I promise.” When you smile at him, Heeseung leans in to seal his promise with a kiss, his lips meeting yours softly. 

You flinch when the door opens and Heeseung chuckles against your lips, but he doesn’t stop kissing you. Over his head, you see Sunghoon standing in the doorway, hair dripping water on the floor with a towel wrapped around his hips. 

Sunghoon sighs, loud and dramatic, his head falling back. “I specifically said no funny business,” he mutters. “Quit looking at me.” He comes into the room and lifts the duvet over your heads. 

Under the covers, Heeseung pulls away, poking his head out and laughing. “We’re just kissing.”

“Yeah, with your shirt off. Why is your shirt off?”

“She wanted to wear—”

Sunghoon cuts him off with a gasp, pulling the duvet back. “Wait, why are you kissing?”

“I can’t kiss my girlfriend?” 

The word makes your cheeks burn and you hide your face in Heeseung’s chest. His lips find the top of your head, kissing you as he wraps his arms around you. 

Sunghoon groans at the sight. “I haven’t missed this at all,” he says. “Who else knows?”

“Just you so far.”

You can hear Sunghoon grinning when he drops the duvet back over your heads and shuffles around the room, getting ready for skating. Heeseung calls you cute and holds you closer. “I’ve missed you so much, missed this,” he mumbles into your hair. “I love you.”

Dating Heeseung again is better than anything you could have imagined, even if it has only been two weeks. He’s everything you’ve ever wanted and more, and even the simple things he does make you smile so hard your face aches. Like when he picks up snacks for you after class or sends you pictures of sweet things he wrote about you in his old diary. Chaewon and Yunjin comment that you seem happier, that you’re glowing, and you can’t help the giggles that always escape and the flush that burns your cheeks when you mention your boyfriend, Heeseung.

Even under the pressure of taking on a group project by yourself, you find yourself fighting a grin in the library just thinking about him. Your class finished an hour ago and you’re doing research in the computer lab while waiting for him so you can go back home together. With a crease in your brow, you try to make sense of conflicting articles on the origin of the Great Pyramid of Giza, happy when your phone lights up with a text. 

hee: we should go on a date tonight !!! how does the fair sound? 

you: sounds good :D 

hee: ❤️

As if sensing that plans have been made without him, Sunghoon sends a message to the group chat asking who wants to go to the Spring Fair in the city centre tonight. 

you: hee and i are alr going :/

sunghoon: awesome i can meet u at hee’s in a few hours?

You really can’t find the heart to tell Sunghoon it’s a date so you decide not to say anything, only feeling worse when Jay replies. 

jay: sounds good :D 

hee: it’s a date dumbass, you’re not invited.

sunghoon: ok.. i can still go

jake: time?

With your date set and whatever else the boys are planning in the group chat, you manage to finish up your work in time for Heeseung to show up with a grin on his face as you pack up your notebook. Excitement stirs in your stomach when he locks his fingers with yours and you’ve never looked forward to the sticky heat of a night in spring as much as you are right now. 

“How was class?” you ask, squeezing his hand. 

Heeseung grins at you, swinging your hands between your bodies as you weave through tables to leave the library. “Turns out I focus really well when you’re not sitting with me.” 

“Oh, really?”

“Mm.” He nods, biting his lip. 

“I can sit with other people if it’ll help you focus.” 

“No!” he whines, loud enough to draw side eyes from the students around you before the tips of his ears burn red and he pulls you out of the library at lightspeed. 

When you reach his flat, Jay’s sitting on the couch grinning at something on his phone, so distracted he doesn’t even realise you’ve arrived until you sit down next to him. He’s got a lot to say about his mock trial and tells you everything, all while you’re cuddled up to Heeseung, with your head on his shoulder. 

You blink and the sun’s gone down, Jay isn’t around anymore and Heeseung’s arms are around your waist, holding you close. “Hey,” he says when you stir. “The boys left already, you just looked so cute sleeping that I didn’t want to wake you.” 

There’s a wet patch on his sweater where your mouth was that you try to wipe away. It doesn’t budge. And a burning flush attacks your cheeks and neck when Heeseung uses his thumb to wipe some of the drool by your mouth. “So cute.” He chuckles. “Should we get going?” 

You spend the whole journey to the city centre with your hand in Heeseung’s, trying to fight the butterflies in your stomach every time he smiles at you. It’s weird. To have been with him for so long, yet still feel giddy when he looks at you. This is new though, you suppose, to live away from home and see him whenever you want. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder and you can’t help the grin on your face at the thought of spending infinite nights like this, with him. 

The Spring Fair is alive with laughter and squeals of delight that you can hear from around the corner. Winking lights spill onto the pavement in rapid succession, somehow showing the whole spectrum at once. Heeseung is bursting with excitement, running down the street with you in tow, desperately trying to keep up with his stride and regulate your breathing. His eyes are huge when you reach the gates, scanning the area for the churros he’s been talking about for the entire walk and he gasps when he sees the stall, pulling you along with him. You have to weave through the crowd, dipping and dodging tired locals and excited tourists as you call out apologies to everyone Heeseung bumps into. The first night is always packed like this, so full it’s hard to believe the fair runs for six whole weeks. 

You share a heart-shaped churro and pose for the photos he wants to take, your heart swelling with affection as you pretend to be embarrassed when he buys matching character headbands for you both. Two years ago, Heeseung would’ve told you that headbands aren’t a good use of your money and bought them anyway, but today, he spent fifteen minutes trying on and taking photos with each character before finding the perfect pair. You can’t help but grin as he puts the headband on for you, a sense of excitement blooming inside you, so great it’s overwhelming.

Heeseung buys a blue raspberry slushy in an obnoxiously large reusable cup with two straws, and as he clutches his head with each brain freeze, chuckles pour out of you, only increasing when he pouts. 

At every opportunity, the two of you take selfies, and the grin on his face in each one warms your heart. He posts his favourite to his story, showing you all the compliments he’s getting in his DMs, all aimed at you. He seems so proud and excited to be with you, and butterflies go mad in your stomach as he reads some of them out to you, agreeing with and adding to the messages.

“You’re so beautiful, baby. I think I might delete the picture,” he says, frowning as the story replies pour in. 

The look on his face makes you laugh, struggling to talk but trying anyway. “But I love it.” 

Heeseung puts his phone away, wrapping his arm around your shoulders. “I love you,” he says, using his free hand to tip your chin towards him. He grins when you say it back, tracing his thumb along your jaw. An odd stillness hits you, in the midst of vibrant chaos. Flashes of multi-coloured LEDs dance in orange and purple strobes over his face and your breath hitches in your throat. His eyes are pretty and wide, flicking from your eyes to your mouth a few times as a flame starts to burn in your stomach, low and scorching. 

“I love you,” you repeat, tip-toeing to close the gap. 

You kiss him, slow and sweet to savour the sugary taste on his lips as they move against yours. His tongue slips into your mouth, deepening the kiss and the taste of syrupy artificial fruit, leaving you craving more, craving him. A pop goes out in the air and you flinch in Heeseung’s arms. He chuckles against your lips before he pulls away, looking up. Trails of pink and gold paint the sky above, vibrant sparks spreading everywhere as a few more go off. If you weren’t so busy trying to catch your breath, you might appreciate their beauty, but you are and the next pop only startles you too. 

Heeseung looks down at you, his slightly swollen lips curving into a grin. “How are you so cute?” he coos. “And don’t most people want fireworks to go off when they kiss someone?” 

“It’s probably a sensation thing, Heeseung.” You know it’s a sensation thing. The first time he kissed you, it felt like you were floating on air, as if Sunghoon’s basement, cold and dark, was the most romantic place on Earth. You were sweaty and nervous, sitting cross-legged on the floor next to Heeseung while the boys were sleeping. He was the one to lean in and he kissed the tip of your nose by accident.

“Yeah, yeah,” he mutters. “Come here.” His voice is so deep and raspy that it spurs the flame on, burning higher, hotter, until it’s the only thing you can think about. His hand finds your jaw again, pulling you towards him to kiss you. Of course, you can’t resist; he’s Heeseung. 

The kiss is rife with neediness, whether from you or Heeseung you can’t tell, but you’re tugging at his hair and he’s clutching at your t-shirt, both of you struggling to get enough of the other. You nip at his bottom lip with your teeth and a heady sigh falls from his mouth into yours, brewing a storm in your mind, a thick fog obscuring everything but thoughts of him.

At the sound of a forced throat clearing, you break away from Heeseung, seeing an elderly lady with a steaming cup in her hand and a disgruntled look on her face. She extends an arm, gesturing behind you. When you follow the direction of her hand, you see a bench that you’re standing right in front of. Heeseung grabs your hand, mumbling an apology and tugging you as far away as possible. You struggle to stifle a laugh at the redness of his ears against his hair. 

A huge ride swings and spins into the air, catching your attention, though Heeseung seems to be more interested in the way Jake stands by the entrance with a scowl on his face. Jake waves you over when he sees you, grinning and hugging you both like it’s been years since he saw you. 

“Jay and Hoon are..” he trails off, using his arm to vaguely gesture towards the sky. 

“Man,” Heeseung whispers, pointing a reverent finger to the sky, “R.I.P.” 

Countless fireworks shoot up noisily, painting the dark sky, and Heeseung’s arms fall heavily around your shoulders, his body warm against your back. If not for the way Jake’s flinching next to you, covering his ears with his hands and ducking slightly at the bang of each one, it might feel like the two of you are alone in the moment. Alone despite the chatter, the laughter and squeals. Just you and Heeseung. 

And Jake. 

Heeseung is amazing at fair games, especially the ring toss. But a tired-looking man in a business suit wins the Hello Kitty plush you’d been eyeing for the snotty toddler wrapped around his leg, so you settle for the Kuromi plush instead. Heeseung says it’s cuter. You agree. 

His voice is soft when he asks, “Maybe we can go on the Ferris wheel later?” This is a far cry from the boy of sixteen who fainted at an amusement park just from seeing the drop on the biggest ride there. When you look up at him, his eyes are wide, boring into you, holding the stars in his pupils with a grin across his blue-stained lips, and how could you say no to that face? 

The platform by the Ferris wheel is sticky under your shoes, making you cringe with every step you take towards the front of the line. Heeseung’s grip on your hand is tighter than you think it’s ever been when he realises that you’re next to get on. This might be the most scared you’ve ever seen him, your poor boyfriend with his overpriced Kuromi headband shivering beside you. 

You frown at the sight, reaching up to kiss his cheek. “We don’t have to do this, Hee,” you say.

He tries to play it cool, shrugging with a nonchalance that doesn’t match the fear in his eyes. “I want to,” he assures, though his voice lacks conviction. 

“Are you sure?” The way he flinches when the ride operator opens the gate gives you his answer, but Heeseung is firm in his words as he pulls you towards the cart, despite wincing when the operator locks you in. “Baby,” you whisper, touching his cheek. “It’s not too late to get out.” 

In what appears to be a display of his bravery, he makes a show of rocking the carriage — only to be told off by the operator (who can’t be older than sixteen) — and cheering (with no conviction) about nothing in particular. You can’t help but laugh, the cart shaking slightly as you let your head fall back and you only laugh harder when Heeseung gasps because of it. 

He flinches again when the ride starts moving, an unsettling creak sending you forward just enough to allow the next victims — according to Heeseung — to get on the ride. When the last of them board, the wheel sets off in a slow spin and he spends the entire first rotation with his eyes clamped shut, only opening them after a while when he thinks the ride is over. 

The wheel creaks more than what you think is necessary and he only grows more and more outwardly uncomfortable, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth and gripping the safety bar above your laps until his knuckles turn white. 

“Would it make you feel better if I held your hand?” you coo, holding your left hand out to him. 

He rolls his eyes but takes your hand in his, holding it between his palms. Seemingly at ease, Heeseung shifts slightly in his seat to close the tiny gap between you, pressing his knee into yours. 

Even in the distance, the fair’s LED lights are beautiful, melting away into flashing bokeh before your eyes as the carriage inches higher and higher. You almost forget your company, leaning over the edge to get a better look, only for Heeseung to put his arm on your arm, mumbling, “Stop it.” 

His skin is warm despite the slight chill that comes with your increasing altitude, and you wish the carriage was smaller—cramped even, forcing the two of you together so tightly that you have no choice but to become one. You sit in the quiet of the night, excitement on the fairground growing quieter as the wheel spins, agonisingly slow, until eventually it’s just the two of you—you and Heeseung: the only people in the moment. 

The only people in the world.

“Why are we even on this thing?” you whisper, squeezing his hand. 

Heeseung shrugs his shoulders as gently as he can manage so as not to rock the carriage. His eyes are big when he looks at you, holding your gaze intently. “I wanted to be romantic.” 

Oh, Heeseung, you think, pressing your lips into a frown. He’s the sweetest person in the world and just the thought of it makes your stomach flutter. “You’re plenty romantic,” you say sincerely. 

He scoffs. “Yeah, because pretending you didn’t exist for a year is romantic.” 

“Yes! Very!” You chuckle, nodding your head. 

Again, he rolls his eyes at you but he uses his hand to hold your face, pulling you in. His kiss tastes like candy floss and the blue raspberry slushy you shared earlier, lips soft, relaxed against your own. Your hand reaches for his thigh, meeting instead with the squished plushy between your bodies and you can’t help but laugh. 

With your presentation out of the way, you and the guys are all sitting in Heeseung and Jay’s living room for the first night of Spring break. You’ve just about reached your limit, cuddling into Heeseung’s side with your eyes closed, sleepily listening to the conversation. It’s unintelligible, more laughter and wheezes than anything else. 

You shift your way into Heeseung’s lap after a while, moving around to get comfortable. It only takes two movements for him to grab you by the waist, holding you still. You try again, and his lips catch the shell of your ear. “Relax, baby. What’s up?”

“Nothing,” you admit, moving around again until he sighs, relieved, you think. A wicked grin spreads over your lips when you feel him getting hard, grinding down on him a little and liking the warmth that spreads in your stomach from having him pressed against you. 

“Stop it,” he whispers, kissing the spot behind your ear. 

You heed the warning but can’t help the thoughts filling your mind, though you try to ignore them, laughing at something Sunghoon said about Jake’s ugly hat and shoes. Jake doesn’t find it as funny as the rest of you seem to.

Another hour passes by in the same way before the boys stumble into Jay’s room, calling out a slurred goodnight to you and Heeseung on the couch. You stand up first, holding out a hand for him to take and giggling when he presses a kiss to the back of it. 

In his room, he stares at a spot on the wall as you close the door, a contemplative look on his face. “Are you okay?” you ask, but he doesn’t look at you, only nodding his head with a crease along his brow. 

You kiss him, a featherlight touch of your lips against his. It’s soft for a while, sweet and sincere until he clutches your shirt like his life depends on it. Heeseung’s hands are all over you, stroking and squeezing every part of you he can reach. Overwhelming heat burns your skin under his touch. He inhales sharply through his nose when you reach for his waistband, tugging the drawstring free but he grabs your wrist, stopping you. He keeps kissing you, keeps trying and frowns when you pull away. 

“You don’t want this?” 

He tilts his head, looking down at you with concern flooding his wide eyes. “Do you think we’re going too fast?” His voice is quiet and he chews on his lip after speaking. 

“We’ve been together for six years.” 

“A month,” he corrects, looking at his feet.

As badly as you want him, you don’t want him doing anything he’s not ready for, so you wiggle your arm free from his grip, dropping it at your side. He lifts his head to look at you, brows knitted together, the sweetest thing you’ve ever seen. “I don’t want to rush you.”

“It’s not that.” He shakes his head with wide eyes. “I just don’t want us doing anything you’ll regret.”

“I’m not going to regret this, I don’t regret anything we’ve done, Heeseung,” you say, holding his face in your hands. 

He closes his eyes, nodding. 

“Do you want to stop?” 

“Never,” he whispers and the word has you falling to your knees. 

It’s hard to see his exact expression in only the dim glow of the streetlights outside, but you can clearly see the way he’s watching you. The way his eyes are lidded as he chews on his bottom lip, watching you reach for the buckle on his belt. Heeseung threads his fingers through your hair, groaning, and for a few seconds, you’re hypnotised. Too wrapped up in tipsiness and lust to move your fingers, completely focused on the way his breath starts to pick up before you’ve even done anything. You’re starting to think it might be enough for him just to see you like this, on your knees for him, wide-eyed and eager. 

Whether on purpose or not, Heeseung tugs on your hair gently, pulling you from your trance. His blunt fingernails scratch at the back of your head as you undo his belt, tugging his jeans down. He steps out of them as soon as he can, smiling when you toss them behind you. Too worked up to wait, you push your face against him. You take a minute to hold his covered cock between your lips, shuddering at the feeling of the damp spot at the top of it. Heeseung grunts, bucking his hips. He looks like sin when you lock eyes with him, licking a strip to the top of his waistband, sucking and nipping at the skin and coarse hair there. 

“Quit teasing,” he says, still keeping control of his voice. 

You blink up at him sweetly, shaking your head. “I’m not,” you mumble, pulling his underwear down. 

Heeseung’s dick smacks his stomach with a wet sound that makes you clench around nothing, and you sit back on your heels to admire him. Maybe it’s from time, or your unbearable desire, but he looks bigger, thicker, and much prettier than you remember. When you finally drag your eyes from his dick, you notice a mark on his hip, right above where his thigh starts. It’s a smudge of something dark, inky almost. You furrow your brows, licking the pad of your thumb to try and get rid of it. He practically flinches when you touch it, moving away from you. The increased distance between you and the low lighting only further obscures it—when you rub at the mark it doesn’t budge. 

“What is this?” 

“It’s nothing,” he says, sitting down on the bed and covering it with his hand. 

If it was anyone other than Heeseung, you might have thought it was a tattoo, but you can’t make sense of the thought so it slips your mind as soon as it occurs. You reach for the lamp on his bedside table, flicking it on, losing your breath at the sight of his skin glowing golden in the light, and the tip of his cock is a tempting, glossy red. You can’t help but take him in your hand, stroking him slowly. 

“Tell me, baby.” 

“It’s a bruise,” he manages through a gasp, licking his lips.

Your thumb swipes over his slit and he crumbles. “Heeseung.” 

“Butterfly, it’s a butterfly.” 

A fuzzy warmth starts to bloom in your chest, overwhelming you. “Lay down,” you say, voice as soft as it’s ever been. 

Heeseung obliges, linking his fingers with yours when you move his hand from his thigh. Under the light, you can see it clearly, dark strokes of ink forming a pretty butterfly, tiny, and heart-achingly familiar. 

“Is it..” You trail off, moving your lips around words that you can’t get out as tears sting your eyes. “Did I draw this?” Leaning over him, you get as close as you can, using your finger to trace the shape. 

Sitting up on his elbows, he looks down at you with a worried look on his face as he nods. “Do you hate it?” 

“I love it.. it’s perfect.” You let go of his hand, using the back of your fingers to wipe at your eyes. 

Heeseung sits up, letting his hand cup your cheek and looking at you. He uses his thumb to wipe some of the tears you missed before leaning down and kissing you. His lips move slowly with yours, he’s being gentle, so gentle that you hear your heart thudding in your ears. 

“Come sit,” he mumbles against your mouth, helping you up and guiding you into his lap, a whine falling out of him when you sit on his cock and you mumble an apology that you don’t mean.

“When did.. Why did you..”

His shoulders rise and fall in a shrug. “My first birthday I spent without you. I just wanted to have something for you.”

You’ve seen it and you’ve heard it from him, but you still can’t make sense of it. “But you’re.. you’re Heeseung. You’d never get a tattoo, you told me that.” 

“I’ll probably never get another tattoo, it hurt like hell,” he says, frowning. 

“You’re such a sweetheart.” You cradle his face in your hands, gazing into his eyes, your sweet Heeseung. So different yet so incredibly similar. “You’re, like, obsessed with me.”

There’s a loud adoration in his eyes that makes your stomach turn. “How could I not be?” His smile is wide even though his lips are smushed a little by the way you’re holding his face. 

Heeseung tilts his chin towards you so you kiss him, the two of you passing moans and whines between your mouths as you grind on him, his hands gripping your waist under your shirt. He shudders under you, rutting his hips against yours with a groan. He’s harder than ever underneath you, his cock hot between your thighs, pressed up against your core in the most maddening way. It can’t be comfortable for him, the friction from your underwear but he seems like he’s enjoying it just as much as you, maybe more, you think, when he starts throbbing. 

Conscious of the boys across the hall, you try your best to be quiet, though Heeseung doesn’t share your concern, his lips parting too wide to keep kissing you and his head falling back as he lets a whine out into the air. His nails dig into your skin, hips speeding up more than you can keep up with as he trembles, clearly so close to the edge that you moan at the sight of him all fucked out in front of you. You chew on your lip, watching his whole face scrunch up before falling to your shoulder, his cum leaking out all over your panties and the tops of your thighs. A grin covers your lips while your pussy aches from the heat of his release and the feeling of his staggered breath hitting your skin. When he finally sits up, sweat slicks the column of his neck and chest, a nervous look in his eyes that he can’t quite bring to meet yours. 

“This is j—” Heeseung cuts you off by covering your mouth with his palm. 

“I remember. You don’t have to say it, baby, I remember.” 

“You were so cute that day,” you say when he moves his hand. Butterflies fill your stomach when you think about it, the first time you ever did anything with each other, with anyone. He was fifteen, with cute round glasses perched on the end of his nose and teeth too big for his mouth, finishing in his jeans with you in his lap.

“You don’t think I’m cute anymore?” he asks, frowning. 

“You’re always cute.”

Heeseung grins at your words, so wide and sweet your heart races. He kisses you gently and slips his hand into your underwear, his finger trailing the length of your pussy slowly, groaning into your mouth at how wet you are. You whine into the kiss when he strokes your clit and gasp when he pushes a finger into you easily. Gradually, he adds more fingers, fucking you open on his knuckles and watching as you fall apart.

His lips move from yours, falling to your neck so he can kiss and suck the sensitive skin there. “You feel so good, baby. My sweet girl,” he mumbles, breath searing your skin. The words make you clench, your stomach fluttering relentlessly as he uses his thumb to press on your clit, the pressure enough to make you spiral. It’s all too much too fast and before long, you’re squirming and mewling in Heeseung’s arms, finishing all over his fingers. 

Immediately, an excruciating flush burns every inch of your body as you hide your face in his neck to catch your breath. His arms wrap around you and he whispers sweet nothings into your hair while stroking your back.

Ever since that night in his room, all your senses feel heightened when Heeseung is around. 

And it doesn’t help that you spend every waking moment with him. Whether in his flat or yours, you’re joined at the hip and it’s near impossible not to pounce on him. In your stomach blooms a heat you haven’t felt in years. An all-consuming flame that makes you hold your breath when he cuddles you; makes you look away when he strips before showering.

He’s taken a liking to shirtlessness, only seeming to remember that the garments exist when he has to leave the house—which isn’t often now that classes have ended. This sudden cotton allergy plagues you, burning the image of his ever-increasing muscle definition and the tattoo on his hip into your memory, so deeply they’re the only things you see when you close your eyes at night. 

Even when Heeseung’s being romantic, cooking dinner for the two of you and almost burning his finger with a match while lighting a candle, you’re thinking about him fucking you. When he goes out with the boys and stumbles into your flat, drunk, with a crushed bouquet in his hands, you’re thinking about what might have happened if you’d gone out too. If he’d finger you in the back of a taxi or take you against the door when you got back. 

Weeks go by like this until you finally reach your limit. 

There’s nothing overtly sexual about the way Heeseung’s sitting. About the way his lashes kiss his cheeks when he blinks, or the way his hair sits in a sleepy mess on his forehead. But it’s Heeseung. So these things existing on him drive you crazy. 

Given the lack of privacy in your family homes — by way of an open-door rule when visiting each other — you and Heeseung didn’t have many opportunities to have sex that didn’t involve being tangled around one another in the backseat of his car. And even those occasions were few and far between. 

With the only three brain cells that seem to function around your shirtless boyfriend and your head on the doorjamb, you begin to scheme. It doesn’t have to be elaborate—just a way to get Heeseung to fuck you without you having to bring it up. 

“What’s up, baby?” he asks, finally looking over at you. His voice pulls you out of your thoughts, with a raspiness to it that makes your thoughts run wild. From head to toe, his eyes drag over your body, his tongue coming out to run over his lips. 

Clearly, a very delicate, well-timed conversation is in order and the gears in your mind scrape against each other, turning egregiously as you try to figure out how to start the conversation. “I want you to fuck me,” you blurt out. Not the most delicate approach, but the way Heeseung’s eyes widen suggests you might be on the right track. “I didn’t mean to say that,” you admit sheepishly. 

He chuckles deeply in a way you haven’t heard in years. “So you don’t want me to fuck you?” There’s a challenge in his question, evident from his raised brow, the setting aside of his phone, and the way he sits up straight. The movement forces the duvet to slip a little, falling from above his belly button to his hips in one fell — effortlessly sexy — swoop. 

In spite of this, you can’t help but roll your eyes at him. How could you be standing there, in nothing but his t-shirt, asking him to fuck you and he’s caught up on semantics? “That’s not what I’m saying.” 

“What are you saying?” When you don’t say anything, Heeseung lifts the duvet from his body entirely, grinning when your gaze locks on his hips. His pyjama pants are sitting low enough to show off the waistband of his underwear, and they don’t do anything to hide the way his hard cock pushes against them.

Heeseung towers over you, overwhelming you and the space of the doorframe as his mouth quirks up at one corner. “You want it, baby?” he asks, his voice soft as he cups your face in his hand, using his thumb to trace your lips. 

His face dips down to yours and you can’t resist reaching up to kiss him, whining at the contact as you move your lips in sync with his. The sounds he’s making are dizzying, deep groans you feel in your chest. His hand grips your waist, pulling you as close as possible so you can feel him, hard and thick, pressing against you. 

You whimper when he pulls away, chasing his kiss, but Heeseung only chuckles. “Say the word and I’m yours,” he whispers, looking down at you with those big eyes. 

“I’m not going to beg.” 

He smiles sweetly, a soft curve of his lips summoning butterflies. “Suit yourself,” he says, leaning down to press a kiss to the base of your neck and leaving the room. 

Flustered, you follow him, flinging your arms around his waist and pressing your face into his back. “Okay, I’m going to beg.”

“I’m listening.” 

“I need you,” you mumble into his skin. 

“You have me.” 

Even though his words and the way his lips audibly split into a grin make your heart race, you can’t help your frustration. “Heeseung,” you say, pleading with him. 

He frees himself from your grip, turning around. When you look up at him, he’s watching you closely through lidded eyes, his lips parted in a soft pout that makes your heart melt. His arms wrapped around your shoulders, holding you close enough to feel him pressing against you. “I’m all yours, baby. What’s up?”

“Why are you torturing me?”

This makes him smile as he shakes his head. “I’m not.” 

“Please.”

He brings a hand up to your face, his thumb stroking your cheek and you can’t help but nuzzle into his palm. “Please what?” 

“You know what I need and I can’t go any longer without it,” you mumble into his hand. Heeseung only raises a brow and you sigh. Somehow, your want for him is greater than your embarrassment so you sigh, looking him in the eye. “If you want to, please, please, fuck me, Heeseung. Any way you want, baby, just promise me you’ll do it. I need it, need you.” 

A shit-eating grin takes over his face as he leans down to press a kiss to your forehead. “Was that so hard?” he asks, frowning when you don’t reply. “Don’t get all moody, baby, talk to me.” 

Heeseung picks you up, holding you close as you wrap your legs around his waist. Both of his hands are spread over your ass and you’re too embarrassed to say anything, chewing your lip and staring at the little mole on his forehead. 

“Need me to fuck you ‘til you can talk again?” There’s a roughness to his voice that makes your cheeks flush, but you can’t help but laugh, head falling back in a fit of cackles. 

“What are you talking about?” 

His pretty lips come together in a pout before he speaks. “I don’t know.” He shrugs, the tips of his ears burning red as he carries you to his room, using his foot to close the door behind him. “I’m rusty.”

You shake your head before kissing his forehead. “You’re perfect.”

Heeseung sets you down on the bed gently, crawling over you. “I like seeing you in my shirts,” he says, clutching the fabric in his fists, tugging a little. 

“Someone has to wear them.”

A breathy laugh falls from his lips. “What?” He tilts his head, leaning away from you to sit back on his heels. “You don’t like seeing me like this?” 

It’s hard to find a balance between missing his warmth and looking at his body. Staring at the definition that marks his chest and stomach and the way his muscles stick out over his biceps, you can feel yourself leaking at the sight of him. Your eyes catch on his waistband, on the strip of hair that’s cut off by the start of the fabric before falling to the bulge in his pants. 

“You’re looking at me like I’m your next meal,” he mumbles, leaning back over you with a deep flush on his cheeks and neck.

“I think I want you to be.” 

“You think?”

You nod eagerly, anticipation swirling in your stomach. 

“Anything I can do to make you certain?” Heeseung’s voice is thick with something you think could be enough to make you finish. 

“Whatever you want,” you say, desperate. 

He chews on his lip, considering you for a while before kissing your cheek. Once more, he sits up, tugging at your waist. “First, I want this shirt out of my way,” he says with a smile. 

Immediately, you lean off the bed to let him take it off, tossing it behind him. “Anything else?” 

Heeseung’s too busy staring to speak, taking you in hungrily with a jarring combination of lust and adoration behind his eyes. You thought you’d feel shy about him seeing you after so long, but you’ve never felt more comfortable in your life as he reaches down to lock his fingers with yours. He brings your hand up to his mouth, kissing the back of it. “You’re so pretty,” he says against your skin. 

There’s no stopping the flutter in your stomach or the smile that spreads over your lips. You tell him you love him and he says it back as he leans back down to kiss you slowly, his tongue licking into your mouth at an agonising pace, a line of saliva connecting you to him when he pulls away. 

“I want to get my head between your legs,” he mumbles, letting his hand dip between your spread thighs. “So wet already?” he asks, dragging your slick up to your clit, rubbing it with a featherlight touch that leaves a whine slipping from your lips. “Will you let me?” 

You nod. 

Heeseung smiles and you match it before he dips his head into the crook of your neck, kissing the skin there for a minute. His breath and wet mouth are hot, burning a trail down to your collarbone and chest, where he gets distracted, pulling one of your nipples between his lips.

Your stomach twists at the sight of him, his pretty, pouty lips sucking and biting at your sensitive skin, the way he’s moaning against you, using his thick fingers to tug and pinch your other breast. It takes him a while to move on but you don’t complain, even when he presses tickly kisses to your stomach. 

When he reaches your legs, he gets off the bed, kneels on the floor and hooks his arms around your thighs to pull you towards him. You feel exposed when he uses his thumbs to spread you, staring at your pussy with wide eyes, his lips parted a little until his head falls back with a groan. 

“Missed this pussy. Been thinking about it so much, all the time. So beautiful, baby.” He manages to drag his gaze from between your legs to lock eyes with you. “You’re so beautiful, baby.” His lips touch your thighs, kissing the soft skin there, sucking marks into it and biting softly. The sting is subtle but it makes you clench, a movement that isn’t lost on him. “You’re so needy, huh? You want me that bad?” he asks, looking up with a tilted head. 

You mumble the word ‘no’ and shake your head. “Need you.” The words come out of their own accord, nothing more than a desperate whine that makes Heeseung press his eyes shut. You watch as he shifts on the floor, leaning in and giving you the attention you deserve. 

Heeseung’s nose grazes your slit and you gasp at the sudden contact, flinging your head back into the pillows when he licks a strip from there to your clit, giving it a quick peck. 

You card your fingers through his hair, gripping at the strands so hard it must hurt, but he doesn’t seem to mind, going slow despite the way you’re trying to rut against his face. He kisses the spot above your clit, his tongue poking out to lick at the skin there, only hitting the bud a few times and the anticipation is enough to make you spiral. 

Time stands still, all concept of it demolished when, finally, he wraps his lips around your swollen clit, running his tongue over it with a pressure that leaves you shaking against the sheets. Moans pour out of you like water from a faucet with nothing but pleasure and Heeseung’s sweet mouth crossing your mind. 

It doesn’t seem like he’s ever going to stop, only coming up for air for a brief moment before sticking a finger into you and attaching his mouth to your clit, burying himself in your wetness. The stretch is minimal, barely registering in the waves of pleasure crashing over you, until he adds a second finger, thick and rigid as he works you open for him. By the time his third finger enters, you have to pull him away by his hair, struggling to find the words to say and settling on a whiny cry of his name.

“Hmm?” He looks up at you, face covered in slick that shines on his chin and nose, shoulders rising and falling heavily, but his fingers don’t let up, curling towards your belly button torturously slow.

“Want to cum with you inside.”

Heeseung’s eyes darken and he licks his lips. “Yeah?” 

“Uh-huh, and I don’t want you using a condom either, want you to fill me up.”

“Are you sure?” 

You nod. “I’m still on the pill and you’re the only person I’ve ever been with.”

Heeseung wastes no time standing up from the floor, watching hungrily as you sigh at the emptiness, moving up on the bed. He uses his fist to pump his cock slowly, sighing when he drags his thumb over his tip. A beat passes before he grins, boyish and handsome while crawling over you again. His face softens and his eyes burn into yours as he cups your cheek in his palm. “You sure about this?” 

“I’m sure, Heeseung, you’re all I want,” you whisper, pecking his lips. 

“Me too.” 

He uses his free hand to reach for his cock, rubbing his tip over your clit and chewing on his lip. He lets his cock split your folds, grinding his length against you, rubbing your cunt with a wet sound that fills the room. Heeseung straightens up and you moan when he spits into his palm, stroking himself before pressing the head of his cock to your entrance. You hold your breath, bracing for the stretch and crying out when he pushes in. His head falls forward with a sigh, his hair tickling your forehead.

“I missed you,” he groans when he bottoms out, his thumb running over your lips. A moan slips out of him when you open your mouth, running your thumb over the pad of his finger and sucking on it. “Missed these pretty lips, this pussy. Don’t know how I got on without it.” His words and the feeling of him inside after so long only make you dizzy, knowing that he wanted you like you wanted him. He watches you with parted lips, rocking his hips tenderly against yours. 

“Faster, Hee,” you whisper. “Harder.” 

Heeseung’s brows knit together and he slows to a pace that lets you feel single vein and inch of him as he bottoms out before pulling almost all the way out. “Can you take it?” he asks, a jarring tone to his voice that you think is a challenge. 

You nod desperately. “Please.” 

The word flips a switch for him and he speeds up, thrusting so hard, so deep that your back arches off the bed as his tip nudges your g-spot each time. Just when it all starts to feel too much, Heeseung lifts one of your legs, hitting deeper than he has before and tangling up a knot in your stomach. 

“You’re so good, baby, so good for me.” His eyes are dark and lidded, full of all the love in the world as he gazes into yours, a tangible love that overwhelms you, eating you alive along with his praise.

Sweltering heat stretches through every part of your body at the drag of him inside, the push and pull of his cock along your stuttering walls. It’s enough to make you shiver and a cry of his name rips out of you when he starts rubbing your clit again, pushing the bud in slow circles that make you screw your eyes shut. 

“That’s it. Cum for me, baby, make a mess,” he whispers and that’s as much as you can take. 

Stars flash behind your closed eyes as every single part of your body sets alight, dazed by Heeseung’s whines and the feeling of being full, finally being full, until both ends of the knot tug and tug, leaving you with nothing but a hoarse moan that dies in your throat as your orgasm hits you like a truck. 

A lewd squelch accompanies each of his thrusts as they get sloppier and sloppier, losing their rhythm and intensity. It seems like he’s right there with you though when he collapses on top of you, his head falling into the crook of your neck and his moans slipping out like music to your ears.

It’s hard not to fall apart under him, but you try your best, dragging your nails over the toned muscles of his back while telling him you love him over and over until he finishes. Both of you are trembling, fighting for breath and whining as Heeseung sloppily fucks you full of his cum. The sound is downright pornographic, loud and wet as your cum mixes with his for the first time in so long. An inexplicable intimacy so thick it hangs in the air, perching on your shoulders as he looks into your eyes. 

Heeseung slows down after a while, stopping completely but not pulling out yet, keeping you full and aching around him. When he catches his breath, he gives you a dreamy smile, thanking you before pressing soft kisses to every part of your face he can reach. 

You whine when he pulls out, missing him as soon as he’s gone. Despite your sensitivity, you want to beg him to come back, to slip back into you and stay forever, though Heeseung has other plans. He sits between your legs, dragging a lazy finger up your slit and watching with a smile as cum leaks out. You squirm against the sheets, pushing your head into the pillow when he uses two fingers to push it back in.

“Wish I could keep you full like this forever,” he mumbles absently, curling his fingers. 

All you can do is sigh happily. Long minutes go by until he takes his fingers out of you, reaching behind him for his shirt to wipe you up before leaning down to your face, mumbling against your lips to come and shower with him.

You’ve never showered with Heeseung before and a voice in your head tells you to press your cheek against the tile and let him have you again, but you’re way too sleepy for that. The warmth of the water and his big hands roaming your body do nothing to help, only forcing your eyes to fall shut as you lean back against Heeseung’s chest, willing yourself to stay awake. 

Once you’re all showered and clean, you only feel sleepier, standing on the plush bath mat in front of the steamed-up mirror. Droplets of water trickle down your skin and you can’t help but revel in the warmth of the room around you. Wrapped snugly in a soft, fluffy towel, you find yourself too tired to follow Heeseung out, slathering some of the expensive moisturiser Jay keeps in the bathroom over your skin. You peer into the mirror, though you don’t see much, and for a moment, it’s just you and the steady trickle of water from the showerhead. The bathroom smells like Heeseung’s minty shower gel and you miss him already, but you take your time anyway, savouring the moment and everything that came before it. 

You find him in his room when you’re done, tucking the last corner of a fitted sheet around his mattress. 

“You want to nap, baby?” he asks when he sees you, holding out a clean shirt for you to wear. 

“Mm,” you hum, nodding your head and dropping the towel so he can put the shirt over your head. 

“Let me just fix the pillowcases, yeah?” 

You nod, slumping into his desk chair and watching the muscles in his back shift and flex as he moves around the room, dumping the dirty bedding into his laundry basket and slipping the clean linen over his pillows. He pulls the duvet back and pats the mattress, grinning when you shake your head and make grabby hands in his direction, 

Heeseung stretches his arms above his head and comes over to you but you stop him before he can pick you up. 

“I’m going grocery shopping with Yunjin later and I need a pound for the trolley, do you have any?” you ask through a yawn. 

He scratches his chin, thinking about it. “If I do, they’re in my wallet,” he says, reaching for it on the desk and handing it to you before taking a seat on the end of his bed. 

When you pull on the zipper to open the coin slot, you find a shiny pound coin and a folded piece of lined paper. You leave the coin where it is and hold the paper between two fingers for him to see. “What’s this?” 

Immediately, he hides his face with his hands but you can still see the flush on his ears. You’re not sure what reaction you were expecting, but despite your curiosity, you won’t look at it if he doesn’t want you to. “Sorry, baby,” you say, putting it back. “Forget I asked.” 

Heeseung sighs, looking up at you through the gaps in his fingers. “You can look if you want, it’s nothing bad, just mildly humiliating.” 

Nervous anticipation settles over your body and you can’t help but laugh a little, feeling your breath catch in your throat when you unfold the crumpled and creased paper. It’s blank. You arch a curious brow at Heeseung, who, though still slightly embarrassed, gestures for you to turn it over. 

What meets your eyes on the other side leaves you stunned. There, inked in blue with delicate care yet bearing the natural imperfections of a hand-drawn butterfly, was a familiar image. It’s the very same butterfly you drew in your notebook on a spring date with him four years ago. Your fingers tremble as you trace the lines, your heart racing as you remember how he’d torn it from the page, eyes full of appreciation for the simple drawing. 

Tears well up in your eyes when it dawns on you. It’s the very same butterfly he has tattooed on his hip, a permanent reminder of your love that endured separation and time. 

Your voice is weak as you look up at him, quivering with emotion. “You kept it after all these years,” you whisper.

Heeseung smiles, his eyes full of love. “I never let go of what matters to me.” 

© zreamy (2023), all rights reserved. do not repost, translate, or plagiarise my work. do let my know your thoughts !

permanent taglist: @asahicore

[meangirls-imagines]

Hi. Can I request a Regina imagine? High femme lesbian reader. She/her. Looks are exactly my profile picture.

Plot:

Reader overhears people spreading terrible rumours about Regina. Reader defends her and Regina eventually finds out. Just pure fluff.

Thank you!

Protective

Description: Reader is usually the level headed one of her relationship. However, she is hanging on by a thread. The thread snaps when she hears a football player talking shit about her girl.

WARNINGS: none really. pure fluff. regina being all heart eyes for reader. reader yelling at men

Y/N was on her last straw.

All week for some reason, people wouldn't stop talking shit about her girlfriend.

Regina George.

It was no secret that people disliked her girlfriend. She knew that. She knew when her and Regina first got together. People would tell her all the time, it's not like she could forget.

But this was different.

It was more constant than usual.

It was like every day there was a new rumor about her girlfriend.

"Regina is cheating on Y/N with Aaron Samuels."

"I heard Regina is pregnant with Jake's baby."

Y/N was tired of the shit talking. She was one little inconvenience from exploding. Luckily for her, it would happen soon.

Unluckily for Shane Oman, he was about to endure Hurricane Y/N.

Regina knew all the rumors about her weren't true, but it still hurt to hear them. Gretchen and Karen were working to kill all the rumors as they started but it was hard when they kept coming.

Regina had no idea how Y/N was reacting to the rumors. She hadn't seen the girl all day due to them not sharing any classes together. So she had no idea what to expect.

She was waiting for the girl in the cafeteria, foot tapping impatiently. Gretchen and Karen were with her, glaring at anyone who looked at Regina badly as they walked past. The blonde felt vulnerable. She just wanted her girlfriend here with her.

Her day just got incredibly worse when Shane Oman came up to their table.

"Hey babe, you wanna hang out later?" Regina cringed. "Shane, you know I'm gay and have a girlfriend. Leave me alone." The boy smirked and leaned closer to Regina. "Oh come on, Regina. Remember how much fun we used to have? All you need is the right guy to straighten you out."

Regina went to reply but was interrupted by someone pouring a smoothie on the boy's head. He whipped around to see a smirking Y/N standing there with an empty cup.

"Hi there, Shane. Let me go ahead and explain something to you. You're going to back away from my girlfriend, and I won't tell the entire school that you have herpes. Got me?" The boy stared at the girl with rage in his eyes.

"Try it. No one would believe you." Y/N smiled at the boy. "Sure, they won't. But, I can very easily get medical documents that say that you not only have herpes but maybe I'll throw erectile dysfunction in there. Imagine how much action you'll get after that."

Shane blushed in embarrassment and stormed off, leaving a trail of smoothie behind him.

The cafeteria was silent, all staring at Y/N in disbelief. The girl stood on the table and addressed everyone.

"Okay. Since we seem to have a gossip problem at this school, allow me to tell everyone now. If I hear a fucking peep about my girlfriend, you can go ahead and sign your fucking death wish. Everyone got it?" The cafeteria seemed to all agree and go back to their business.

Y/N smiled in satisfaction and stepped down, instantly being pulled into Regina's lap. The blonde pulled her into a kiss, causing Gretchen and Karen to squeal.

They pulled away after a minute and Regina brushed her thumb on Y/N's cheek. "Thank you baby. I really appreciate it." Y/N smiled and kissed Regina's forehead. "Anything for you baby."

Needless to say, the rumors stopped and no one messed with Regina again.

[4rlbym]

heyyy!!! Jake sully fic request!!

Dilf Jake x reader and reader is expecting another child. Fluff and smut :)

Jake Sully x F!Omaticaya Reader

an: LETS GOO DILF JAKE REQUESTS. i haven't written smut in a little while sooo 😭 here it is, im a little rusty so apologies!!

warnings: unprotected sex, praise, fem bodied reader, size kink.

genre: smut & fluff.

"Tuk!" You let out a sigh as she runs off with her brothers. You look up at the night sky and take in a deep breath. You look around and realize Jake and Kiri are no where in sight. You knew Kiri and the rest of your children were having a hard time taking in everything. You and jake knew settling in the reef wouldnt be so easy

You got up from the floor and swiftly ran into the forest until you saw Jake and Kiri sitting on a rock on front of a small pond. Your heart melted at the sight of your husband holding your daughter in his arms. You crossed your arms over your chest and smiled as you watched from a distance.

"so what is it baby girl." Your heard your husband say while gently patting Kiris back. You watched as kiri sobbed into jakes chest. You slowly approached them and plopped down next to kiri. You wrap your arm around her while gently caressing her shoulder.

"Kiri, everything is going to be okay. As long as we all stick together. I promise i won't let anything happen to any of you." You reassure her before looking over at Jake. a soft, caring smile spread across his face as he stared at you. The two of you hold your daughter close as her soft crys escape. You both knew the kids didn't want to leave their home but Jake insisted they leave. He wanted to keep his family safe and you also want whats best for your family so you complied.

"you're right, as long as i have the two of you, i'll be fine...We'll all be fine." You pull Kiri into one last hug before letting her go. A smile forms on your face as you watch as Jake wipe the tears from her face.

"Now now Kiri, its getting late. Go get you and your siblings into bed." You watch as she runs back into the forest. You let out a sigh and turn to face Jake. You grinned as you admired his facial features, you loved the way the glowing plants illuminated his face. Your brought up your hand to his cheek and gently caressed it with your fingers.

"You're such a great dad.." You shift your gaze from his eyes down to his lips. your hands began to wander all over his body. from his toned chest down to his legs. You felt his body stiffen and his breath become shaky. You knew the effect you had on him.

"y'know i always want whats best for my family baby." Jake remarked before pressing his lips to yours. Now you were the one speechless. Your eyes fluttered shut as you enjoyed the moment. Your lips moved in sync as the kiss and desire grew deeper. A muffled laugh escaped from your lips as you slowly attempted to pull back from the kiss. "jake, jake. We can't do this, not now.." you grinned as he held a firm grip on your waist.

"mm, why not. I don't see anyone around." He looked around the forest. The only thing surrounding the two of you were glowing plants and trees. No one was around, you ran no risk of getting caught.

"i guess theres nothing wrong with a little bit of fun, hmm?" A smirk spread across your face as your wrapped your around around his neck. you smashed your lips against his and the kiss grew hotter. He gently laid you on your back before towering over your smaller body

His big hands came to rest on your waist, his long fingers trailing down your body. He looked like a god like this, sweat trickling down his torso, trailing along his v- line and the soft line of hair at his navel. "Jake please.." you muttered, It was his turn to tease you now. You whined as the tip of his long member teased your wet entrance. "Use your words sweetheart, c'mon"

a series of whimpers escaped your mouth while bucking your hips up to chase the friction he wasn’t giving you. “Need more… i want you inside me,” As if predicting your response, a wolffish grin spread across his face while his hands gripped your thighs and hoisted them against the sides of his waist. His actions caught you off guard, and you let out a muffled moan.

A hiss left his mouth at the feeling of your tight hole squeezing him, “So wet for me,” he sighed, his hips rolling to meet your pelvis. You never got used to his size, no matter how wet and prepped you were, your walls burned with irritation. Jake's eyes softened at the sight of your scrunched face, his hand slipping down to rub your clit. Almost immediately pleasure consumed you, like liquid fire spreading throughout your core.

Eyes flitting across your body, Jake grinned at your wrecked state; your hair a disheveled mess. He sucked in a harsh breath when you clenched around him, a sign of your approaching climax. “You feel so good, darling,” Jake's forehead coming to rest against yours. His lips connecting with yours in a messy kiss. He continued his kisses along your jaw, suckling the soft skin of your neck until he met your collarbone.

“Jake, I-” you couldn’t breathe, couldn’t focus when your heart was beating so fast. His hands held your legs up for you, wrapping them around his waist to get closer to your body. His hand cupped your cheek, tilting your face to look at him. Heat bloomed along your cheeks and chest, spreading to your legs and tingling your nerves.

"let go for me sweetheart" Harsh pants left his mouth, soon cut off by a low groan when you ran your nails down his spine. His thrusts turned sloppy, and he stuffed his face into the side of your neck to muffle the string of moans that released from his mouth.

Waves of pleasure washed over the both of you. His body fell lax against yours and you stroked his back, your hand a warm anchor for his mind. "you did so well love." Jake remarked while holding you tightly against his chest. you looked up and him and smiled as he stared at you with pure admiration. He was one lucky son of a bitch, there is no one else like you.

-

it had been a few weeks since you found out you were pregnant. When you told Jake he went crazy, He was the happiest man on Pandora.

The moment he found out he showered every inch of your body in kisses. The kids were obviously extremely excited and happy for you.

As the days went by Jake would constantly be by your side. Almost every minute of every hour. He had one more person to protect and failing was and will never be an option for him.

-

You sat outside on the deck with your feet swirling around in the water with Tuk's head resting on your lap. You shift your gaze from your lap to the ocean. A smile spread across your face as you admired the glowing plants and fish that gracefully swam in the water.

You were so lost in your thoughts that you didnt notice Jake standing behind you until he presaed his hand against youe shoulder. You quickly turn around and let out a sigh. "You startled me.."

You rolled your eyes as he let out a chuckle. "apologies sweetheart, didn't mean to." You felt him plop down next to you. Your eyes flutter shut as you rested your head against his shoulder. You took a deep breath and the scent of the salted ocean water filled your nose almost immediately.

"I never want this to end.." he hummed out while gently stroking your thigh. You glanced down at Tuk and she was peacefully sleeping. "And it wont my love, we'll be okay." you looked up at him with a reassuring smile.

Jakes heart immediately melted "you don't know how happy i am, with you, the kids and simply everything. Times right now may not be the best but we'll get through it sweetheart." he pressed his hand to your stomach.

"now, lets go get some rest.." Jake got up from the deck and carried Tuk back to the tent. You walked behind them and admired Your husband and the way he held your child in his hands, you were caught in a trance. After tucking Tuk into her bed he turned around to face you. He chuckled as a smirk spread across his face. "my eyes are up here darling." You crossed your arms over your chest and scoffed

"pfft, i was only thinking.." you remarked as a small smile creeped uo on your face. Jake approached you from behind and press his hands onto your shoulders as your eyes slowly fluttered shut. Your husband never failed to make you feel safe.

[thezombieprostitute]

The Arrangement

Summary: Jake's done a lot of things to keep his sister, and then his niece, safe from his parent's influence and manipulation. If he wants to keep them safe, he has to marry you.

Warnings: Bad parents, Disgusting comments of a sexual nature. Let me know if I missed any!

Chapter 1 -- Chapter 3

Series Masterlist

Your mother rushes into your room, followed by her many assistants. "It's today," she tells you. You give her a confused look and she rolls her eyes. "The marriage. It's happening today so you'd best dress up. My ladies will do your hair and makeup so you can look somewhat decent for your new husband."

"Yes, mother," is all you can say. Any attempts at pointing out you'd had no notice would be futile. And should you dare try to state a preference in your looks it would be immediately dismissed, paired with an insult. Best to just comply and do as she says. You make sure to follow the instructions of the hair and makeup team. They have to put up with your mother, too, so you always try to be polite to them.

As soon as they finish your mother shoves you in front of a mirror. "There," she coos. "Don't you look so lovely?"

You think you look like a clown. Like a lesser copy of her. "Yes, mother. Thank you."

"Would have gotten you a better dress but you refused to lose weight," she sighs. You bite your tongue. The doctor said you were healthy, that should be enough. But not for her.

"Now," she continues, "we will be meeting your father and brother at the Jensen estate. Apparently they've already go the paperwork and notary crap sorted out. Remember to walk gracefully, be polite, and for the love of everything, smile. I don't need my daughter's wedding photos to look like a funeral had happened!"

"Yes, mother."

Jake is really trying to keep calm. His father, father-in-law and brother-in-law are all drinking to the "marriage" happening this afternoon. Apparently they're just waiting for the bride and her mother to finish getting ready. Jake is scared she's going to be just like his own mother: power hungry, demanding, backstabbing, cold. Meeting the bride's family has not helped assuage his concerns. If anything, it only further drives his conviction that he did the right thing, breaking his sister's engagement. The only thing keeping Jake calm is Clay's presence. Having an ally makes a world of difference.

Montgomery, his father-in-law, is already three drinks in. "And as a wedding gift to the happy couple, your father and I have purchased a penthouse and a car that you won't be embarrassed to be seen in."

"Are you ashamed to be seen in an American classic?" Clay raises an eyebrow.

"It's a pinto," Travis, the brother-in-law, scoffs.

"Exactly," Clay calmly says. "An American classic."

Travis rolls his eyes before turning to Jake, "I'm kinda disappointed you agreed to this thing. I was kinda hoping for that niece of yours. You know, once she turns 18. The young ones are so much easier to train."

Jake's gripping his glass so tightly his knuckles are white. He has to behave, it's in the contract. And punching his brother-in-law would not be behaving.

Thankfully Clay has his back. "Young man, you've got problems. I'm specifically talking in the bedroom, but I'm sure you've got plenty of problems outside as well. If you need some lessons on how to please a woman, I'm happy to give you some pointers."

Travis glowers at him but Clay just smirks.

A knock at the door breaks the tension in the room. An attendant comes in, "the bride is here."

The first time you see Jake, your heart falls. He looks angry, mean. You didn't have much hope about being treated well to begin with but this just solidified it.

The first time Jake sees you, his own heart does the same. You're the spitting image of your mother. He mentally prepares himself for a life of being scolded for never being enough, a life of being cheated on, a life without love.

The documents are signed and notarized. The fake smiles are pasted on for the photos. Jake is given the keys to both the penthouse and the car. Clay promises to meet them there, driving his pinto.

You and Jake sit silently in the car. Both wanting to cry.

Chapter 1 -- Chapter 3

Series Masterlist

Tagging: @alicedopey; @ashdoctor; @delicatebarness;@ellethespaceunicorn; @icefrozendeadlyqueen; @ronearoundblindly

[thecitysgraveyard]

Hey ! Can I request a Jake Peralta x reader ?

Where Jake is always all over reader hugging and kissing and the squad is found it annoyingly cute also reader is flustered, basically pure fluff

She/her pronouns please <3

oml yes thats so cute ahhh im gonna burst cause that's so cute, thank you for requesting nonnie <3

jake loves to see you get flustered and blushing and shy, so he kisses you, hugs and brings you flowers out of wanting to see you fluster and love

he's always holding you in some way or another, that can be holding your hand, your hair, your face, and anything else he can hold at this point

he loves you and his insecurity of him thinking you're gonna leave him, makes him want to be as close to you as possible

boyle loves to see you both working on cases together, he would talk about it the entire time if he got the chance to

though rosa might tease you or jake a bit, she won't say anything that is like don't do this or that

surprisingly enough even captain holt doesn't say anything, he just looks and lets it happen, it kinda looks like he's smiling too which is a very rare sight to see

gina is going to be after you and jake taking a picture when you both are kissing or hugging or well anything of that sort

hitchcock just keeps staring at you and asking how jake got such a hot girl

as for sully he just gives jake advice on choosing his wife and it should be the right person

and santiago, she does get pretty annoyed when jake keeps on kissing you and hugging you but finds it cute, usually on breaks she comes over to you and asks you about how jake is

jake might say some things but he'll always love you, he doesn't want to leave you and neither does he want you to leave

you're his one and only as he says in his own words

he says and does things like "i love you so much it hurts" and fakes being hurt

you find it pretty funny and he looks at you with lovingly, he knows you love him and will always keep making you fluster, blush, and laugh no matter what

he pours all his love and affection into you and will always, and i mean always keep loving you

[ev3rgreenxtrees]

,,Heartbeat''- C.S.

Warnings- smut, cussing, suggestive content.

SUB CHRIS SUB CHRIS SUB CHRISSS!!!!!

Back to masterlist

-

,,Text say that 'it's not fair'

thats code for 'he's not here'

and ima flirt with this new girl

and ima call if it dont work.''

-

Evelyn heard a ding from her phone, indicating that she had gotten a text from someone. She hadn't moved from her bed today, not really having a reason to. She lifted her phone, and let out a sigh as she saw 'Chris has texted you.' fuck.

Evelyn has been 'friends' with the triplets for years now. She's always been closest with Matt, oddly enough. Around two years into their friendship, Chris and Evelyn had began 'hooking up' in Chris' words. She couldn't stand him. She couldn't stand it. She was going insane.

No matter what she was doing, if Chris wanted to fuck, she had to drop whatever she was doing, however important, just to give him what he wanted. But god forbid if Evelyn ever wanted anything in return. If she texted him, she wouldn't get a reply for days.

She met a boy, Jake, and they started dating. Unlike Chris, Jake didn't just use her for sex. He really loved her. She loved him too. She cut contact with Chris, told him to stop texting her, and she wouldn't go to the triplets house, she'd meet them elsewhere. She didn't want to see him. She had been dating Jake for around four months now. Sure, sex was great with Jake.. but he wasn't Chris.

Jake has taken a trip with his friends to a different state for a week, and this was day two of him being gone. Evelyn clicked on the notification, and sighed at the message.

fuck. fuckfuckfuckfuck FUCK. What was she doing?? It's okay..right? Jake won't know. No- she can't hurt him like that. Once Chris gets there she can just tell him to fuck off.. right?

She must've been thinking about it for a few minutes because she was suddenly snapped back to reality when she heard a knock at her door. Holy shit. This is really happening.

Without even thinking, Evelyn starts walking down the stairs. Even though it was nearly 8:00 P.M. she had still been in her pj's from the morning before. Just some shorts and a baggy tee. She opened the door to reveal Chris standing outside, in just grey sweats and a black tank top that stuck to his body perfectly, looking at his phone.

Evelyn had forgotten how good Chris looked, so she just stared in awe. His eyes looked up from the phone, his head not moving, as he chuckled. His eyes looking up at her through his messy hair just did something to her every time.

,,Miss me?'' He teased, sliding his phone into his pocket. ,,Soo.. you gonna invite me in or re we just gonna do this outside..?'' He laughed, as she kept a straight face. He noticed, and stuck his hand out and placed it gently on her jaw. ,,Hey, Ev, Whats wrong, baby?'' He asked her, as she pulled away from his touch.

,,Don't call me that, Christopher.'' She frowned, causing Chris to furrow his eyebrows in confusion.

,,What..? What's wrong, Evvy?'' He asked as she cringed at the name. He's the only person who calls her that. She felt tears threatening to spill, as she held them back.

,,Chris.. we can't.'' She shook her head, looking down at the floor. She felt Chris' hand meet her jaw, pulling her face up to his, as he kissed her gently.

She knew she should've pulled away, but she couldn't. She kissed back, as she felt Chris smirk against her lips. He slowly pulled away,

,,You sure?'' He joked, and she shook her head and pulled him into her house by his collar, slamming the door behind them.

''God, I hate you so fucking much, Christopher..'' She scoffed.

,,Oh, but you love me..'' He smirked, before quickly grabbing Evelyn's hips, bringing her closer to him, before smashing his lips roughly against hers, the kiss this time was the complete opposite of the one they had just shared moments before. She pulled away, her hand sliding into his, as she pulled him up to her room.

,,Ya know, I could've just fucked ya down there,'' He joked,

,,Yeah, and smash my hips into the counter? I'll stick with my bed.'' She rolled her eyes, before getting on her knees.

,,Damn- sucking me off already? Thought you'd wait a bit you whore.'' Chris smirked down at her,

,,Watch your mouth, Christopher.'' She threatened, as she suddenly grabbed his half-hard cock through his pants.

,,o-oh fuck..'' He groaned, caught off guard by the girls sudden action.

,,let me hear you, baby..'' Evelyn smirked at the boy above her. Out of all the times they had fucked, she hadn't been the dominant one, but that was about to change.

,,c'mon, ma.. please..'' He whispered, his voice raspy as Evelyn began to palm him through his pants. ,,please..'' he whimpered. She slid her hands away from his cock, before kissing it through the fabric of his pants. She started to pull them and his boxers down, his now fully hard cock slapping against his clothed stomach.

He began to slip his shirt off, before she slapped his hands.

,,Did I say you could take this off?'' She growled at him, before he shook his head,

,,f-fuck.. 'm sorry ma.. p-please..'' he begged. She has never seen Chris this submissive, and it was driving her insane.

,,Go ahead, baby..'' Evelyn nodded, as she started to stroke his cock painfully slow. He ripped his shirt off and through it across the room, as he let out small whimpers. ,,sit.'' She motioned to the bed, and he quickly complied, shuffling to the bed, and sitting down.

Evelyn placed her hands on his knees, and licked from his base to his tip, collecting his precum on his cock. The small whimpers and moans falling effortlessly from Chris' mouth was what kept her going. She took his dick in her mouth, it hitting the back of her throat as she gagged, but she didn't stop.

Nothing would stop her from doing this besides Chris. Not even her boyfriend walking in would stop her. She's missed Chris so much. She felt his hand grip her hair, pushing her down and up, her mouth gliding around him.

,,mmhh.. fuckk..'' he cried out, his head falling back. She quickly pulled off of him with a popping sound, knowing he was close, ,,ma.. p-pleas-e..'' he hiccuped.

,,don't worry, baby. You'll cum soon.'' She promised. pushing him back against the bed, her mouth connecting once more with his.

He laid back, his hard dick throbbing. Evelyn- still fully clothed- sat on Chris' lap, just a little above where his dick was.

,,Ev- please..'' he pleaded, as he pulled away from the kiss, slipping his hands up her shirt, tugging at the hem.

,,Go ahead, baby.'' she nodded, giving him permission to slip it off, which he quickly did. Her black bra showcasing her breasts perfectly made Chris want her impossibly more.

,,Fuck, baby. I don't remember you looking like that..'' He groaned, his hands sliding back down her body to the waistband of her shorts. He tugged gently at them, before Evelyn lifted her hips, allowing Chris enough room to slip them off. Evelyn sat on the naked boy, in only her bra and underwear.

Chris let his hand slip to her panties, gently rubbing her slick folds through the wet fabric. She let out a small whine, causing Chris to chuckle.

,,You like that, don't you, ma?'' He teased, causing the girl on top of him to shake her head,

,,Know your place, Christopher.'' She grow;ed, causing him to immediately apologize,

,,s-sorry ma..'' he whined, his hands meeting her hips. ,,Jus wanna make y-you feel good..'' he pushed her hips down, causing her to grind on him.

,,Holy shit, baby..'' She gasped. She needed Chris so incredibly bad.

,,I-I wanna taste you, ma.. p-please..'' He begged, as Evelyn nodded. He sat up, his lips meeting her neck, sucking and biting, leaving deep red and purple marks behind. His lips trailed down her neck as his hands fumbled with the clasp of her bra.

As he slipped her bra off, his lips met her one of her nipples, his hand toying with the other. She let out a quiet moan, as her hands snaked up and down Chris' bare back. His mouth left her nipple, continuing to place kisses down her body.

He got to the waistband of her panties and sighed, before laying her back, his face between her thighs. She felt his hot breath on her core before feeling him place a soft kiss on her clit through the thin wet fabric of her panties.

,,So wet for me, ma..'' Chris mumbled, before pulling her panties off slowly.

,,Chris, don't tease me,'' Evelyn warned him, as he nodded.

,,Sorry mommy..'' he apologized, the name making her shiver. his mouth came into contact with her pussy, flattening his tongue, lapping it up and down between her wet folds.

''mmph, fuck, Chris.. making me feel so good..'' She whined, her hands quickly finding his hair, before gripping it tightly. His tongue met her clit, as he brought two of his fingers up to her mouth for her to suck.

She rolled her eyes but obliged, sticking his fingers into her mouth, coating them in her saliva. He pulled them out after they were soaked, and brought them down by where his mouth was. Evelyn forgot how hot he looked while he was eating her out, it was driving her insane. He slowly pushed one finger inside her, her letting out a quick moan, her head falling backwards.

,,H-holy shit..'' She moaned as Chris stuck another finger in her, continuing to pump inside her.

,,You taste so good, mommy..'' Chris mumbled, momentarily pulling his mouth away from her cunt. He quickly went back to work, and Evelyn was becoming a whining mess as he added a third finger.

,,Mhh, fuck- Chris.. I-I'm close-'' She struggled, as she felt her release inching closer. Her grip on his hair tightened, as her eyes squeezed shut, as she felt the knot in her lower stomach snap. Chris didn’t stop working his tongue, he continued to lick up all her cum.

His head lifted, and she quickly pulled him into a kiss, her legs shaking. She could taste herself on his tongue, but she didn’t care at all. She needed Chris so bad.

She pulled his body impossibly closer to her, his dick rubbing against her folds, causing both of them to let out a moan.

,,Fuck me already, Chris,'' Evelyn demanded. Who was Chris to deny her wishes? He pulled his dick in his hand, stroking it a few times, before lining it up with her hole.

He started to push in, and once the tip was in, he let his own dick go, to put both of his hands above Evelyn's shoulders to stabilize himself. They both let out groans as Chris continued to push himself deeper in her. He finally pushed all the way and waited a bit before starting to slowly thrust in and out of her.

,,Wait- shit Ev, your on the pill, right?'' Chris stopped and looked up at her, causing her to chuckle and nod,

,,yes, Chris.'' she rolled her eyes, and Chris started to thrust in and out of her again, this time at a much faster pace.

,,Mph- Fuck.. y-your so tight ma..'' Chris groaned, as Evelyn gripped his shoulders tightly.

,,d-don't stop, Chris..'' Evelyn pleaded, and Chris obliged. The male continued to thrust into her, both of them letting loud moans flow out of their mouths effortlessly.

,,M-mommy, I-I'm close..'' Chris panted, one of his hands making its way to Evelyn's hips, holding her in place. His grip was so tight, she was sure it would leave bruises, but that was the least of her worries right now.

,,Cum for me, baby.'' Evelyn moaned, and Chris did just that. He released his load into her, and she did the same.

,,H-holy shit..'' Chris groaned, as he pulled out of her and plopped down beside her on the bed. ,,You still regret it?'' Chris whispered.

,,Hm?'' Evelyn mumbled.

,,Do..'' Chris sighed. He propped himself up on his arm, looking into Evelyn's eyes. ,,Do you like me? Do you regret what we just did? Would you pick him over me?'' Chris asked, and Evelyn's eyebrows furrowed.

,,Of course i like you Chris. I wouldn't let you fuck me if I didn't like you. If I'm being honest.. i really like you. Like, a lot. I do this with you because I think it's the most I'm going to get from you. I know you won't date me, but i really fuckin like you, so I do whatever you want me to as long as it means I can have you.'' Evelyn sighed, closing her eyes, Expecting Chris to let out a snarky remark.

,,Who said I wouldn't date you?'' Chris asked her, causing her eyes to shoot open and look at him.

,,Chris, don't say shit like that when I have a boyfriend.'' Evelyn shook her head, and Chris chuckled.

,,Evs, we literally just fucked, and your worried about me confessing my love for you?'' Chris shook his head.

,,Yeah, I guess. I mean, I'm not worthy of him anymore, but if you confess your love foe me I'll feel so shitty.'' Evelyn confessed.

,,How come?'' Chris asked, tilting his head in confusion.

,,Because, Chris.. Your so fucking stupid. I've always wanted you. I started dating Jake, in hopes he'd give me everything you wouldn't. Like actually going out with me, cuddling, doing.. couple things, instead of just fucking all the time and leaving.'' Evelyn shook her head, and Chris' gaze softened.

,,Holy shit, Evvy.. Why didn't you tell me..? You know I wouldn't have wasted a second to get with you.'' Chris whispered, and Evelyn let out a frustrated groan.

,,Oh my fucking god, Chris. Don't pin this on me. You know good as hell I've always wanted you. You've just always been too 'scared of commitment'.'' Evelyn snapped, causing Chris to look at her sadly.

,,Evs. I'm so so so fucking sorry. I love you. You know that. And your right. I'm a pussy. I wanted you so bad I should've just asked you out before Jake got to. Damn me for that.'' Chris apologized, and stood up to put his clothes back on.

,,Chris, no.. I didn't mean it like that.. I'm sorry-''

,,No, your right. It's MY fault that I didn't ask you out. Forget the fact that you could've asked me out, no. Because in what fucking world would that happen, Evelyn? I'm sorry for loving you. I'm sorry that you love me, but I can't do shit about that now, since you got your new fucking boyfriend that you basically just admitted to not liking.'' Chris scoffed, as he finished putting his clothes on.

,,Will you go out with me?'' Evelyn asked as Chris was just about to walk out of her door. She wasn't sure why she asked it, she knew it was wrong, but fuck, she did love him. He froze.

,,What.?'' he asked, his heart beating out of his chest.

,,Chris, will you go out with me?'' She asked again, and he turned around.

,,What about Jake?'' He asked, and Evelyn stood up, and made her way towards Chris.

,,Fuck Jake.'' She said, her lips meeting Chris'.

[guccixstyless]

Confessions

Pairing: Sunghoon x Reader

Word Count: 1918 Words

Summary: Sunghoon and Y/n are childhood besties, but Y/n is in love with him although his heart is taken by someone else. What will happen when y/n finally confesses and he rejects?

A/N: Wrote this oneshot on a rush, hope you like it! Please leave a comment, it would mean a lot xx

Jake Sim Imagine

***********************************************************************

Sunghoon and Y/N had been inseparable since they were kids. They were the epitome of the classic best friends, finishing each other's sentences, sharing inside jokes, and being there for one another through thick and thin. Y/n cherished every moment spent with Sunghoon, but there was a secret she harbored deep within her heart—a secret she could never bring herself to confess. She was hopelessly in love with him.

But there was a catch, he was dating someone else. His girlfriend, Rim, was perfect, beauty with brains as they say. They've been dating for 2 months now.

"Just a little bit of love," Ariana Grande's melancholic melody played softly from the nearby café (the irony), casting a bittersweet spell over the night as the two bestfriends strolled on a Tuesday autumn evening. Y/n's gaze lingered on Sunghoon, the way his eyes sparkled with genuine joy, and she wished she could freeze this moment in time forever.

As they settled into their usual spot at the café, Y/n couldn't shake the feeling of impending doom creeping into her chest. After placing their beverage order, they both took a seat and she watched Sunghoon's eyes light up as he spoke about his girlfriend, a pang of jealousy twisting in her gut. She forced a smile, masking the turmoil within her.

She watched Sunghoon's eyes, so full of warmth and affection, and she knew she couldn't keep her feelings hidden any longer.

"Hoonie," her voice trembled with emotion, "there's something I need to tell you."

Sunghoon turned to her, his brow furrowing with concern. "What is it, Y/n? You know you can tell me anything."

Yn took a deep breath, steeling herself for what was to come. "I... I love you, Sunghoon. More than just a friend."

For a moment, there was silence, the weight of Yn's confession hanging heavy in the air. And then, Sunghoon spoke, his words shattering Yn's heart into a million irreparable pieces.

"I... I'm sorry, Y/n," his voice was barely a whisper, laced with sorrow. "I care about you, I really do, but... I'm with someone else."

Y/n felt her world crumbling around her, she knew what would be his response already but still the pain of rejection cutting deeper than any knife. She forced a smile, masking her heartache behind a facade of false bravado.

"It's fine, really! I wasn't expecting for you to reciprocate, I just wanted to let it out you know...couldn't hide it any further," Y/n smiled at Sunghoon.

"This won't affect our friendship, right?" Sunghoon asked worriedly, "I-..Y/n you're so special to me."

"We will be fine, Hoonie." Y/n assured him.

*******************************************************************

As the days passed after Y/n's confession, a palpable tension hung in the air between her and Sunghoon. She avoided his attempts to plan hangouts, citing various excuses that sounded stupid even to her own ears. Every time she saw him, her heart twisted with guilt and longing, knowing that she was pushing him away despite her deepest desires.

Sunghoon, ever perceptive, couldn't help but notice the change in Y/n's behavior. He could sense her pulling away, but he couldn't understand why. Y/n assured him it has nothing to do with the confession, so why? Was it something he said? Something he did? The questions swirled in his mind like a relentless storm, threatening to consume him whole.

One evening, as Y/n sat alone in her room, the weight of her unspoken feelings pressing down on her like a suffocating blanket, there was a soft knock on her door. She hesitated for a moment before mustering the courage to answer, her heart pounding in her chest like a drumbeat.

"Y/n, it's me," Sunghoon's voice filtered through the door, tinged with concern. "Can we talk?"

Y/n's breath caught in her throat at the sound of his voice, the familiar warmth washing over her like a ray of sunshine breaking through the clouds. She opened the door slowly, her eyes meeting Sunghoon's in silent apprehension.

"Hey," Sunghoon's smile was hesitant, his eyes searching hers for answers. "Can I come in?"

Yn nodded wordlessly, stepping aside to let him into her room. Sunghoon entered hesitantly, his gaze sweeping over the familiar surroundings with a mix of nostalgia and longing. He cleared his throat, shifting uncomfortably on his feet as he struggled to find the right words.

"Y/n, I... I know things have been weird between us lately," Sunghoon began, his voice soft with uncertainty. "And I can't shake this feeling that I've done something to upset you. If I have, please, just tell me. I can't stand this distance between us."

Y/n's heart ached at the sincerity in Sunghoon's words, the genuine concern etched on his face like a map of his inner turmoil. She wanted nothing more than to throw herself into his arms, to bury her face in his chest and confess her love for him once more, but the fear held her back like an invisible barrier.

"It's not you, Sunghoon," Y/n's voice was barely a whisper, laced with sorrow. "It's me. I... I just need some time to figure things out."

Sunghoon's brow furrowed with confusion, his eyes searching hers for answers that she couldn't bring herself to give. He reached out to touch her arm, a silent gesture of comfort and reassurance, but Yn flinched away as if his touch burned like fire.

"I'm sorry," Yn's voice trembled with emotion, tears threatening to spill from her eyes at any moment. "I just... I need some space right now."

Sunghoon's heart sank like a stone in his chest at Y/n's words, the pain of her rejection cutting deeper than any knife. He wanted nothing more than to hold her close, to chase away the shadows that haunted her heart, but he knew that he had to respect her wishes, no matter how much it tore him apart inside.

"Okay," Sunghoon's voice was barely a whisper, heavy with resignation. "I'll give you the space you need. But just know that I'm here for you, whenever you're ready to talk."

With that, Sunghoon turned and left Y/n's room, the weight of her unspoken words hanging heavy in the air between them like a shroud. Y/n watched him go, her heart breaking a little more with each retreating step, knowing that she had hurt the person she cared about most in the world.

Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, but the distance between Y/n and Sunghoon only seemed to grow with each passing moment. They exchanged polite greetings when they crossed paths, but the easy familiarity of their friendship had been replaced by a strained awkwardness that neither of them could seem to shake.

Y/n watched from afar as Sunghoon's relationship with his girlfriend blossomed, her heart breaking a little more with each tender moment they shared. She knew that she had no right to feel jealous, no right to interfere in their happiness, but she couldn't help but wish that things were different—that she was the one by Sunghoon's side, sharing in his joys and sorrows.

Meanwhile, Sunghoon couldn't shake the feeling that something was missing from his life, a void that no amount of laughter or love could seem to fill. He missed the easy camaraderie he shared with Y/n, the way they could talk for hours about nothing and everything all at once. He missed the warmth of her smile, the sound of her laughter, the gentle touch of her hand against his.

***********************************************************************

One rainy afternoon, as Sunghoon sat on Rim's couch in her apartment, she called Sunghoon to have a talk. The sound of the rain tapping against the windowpane like a melancholic melody, he found himself lost in thought.

Rim sighed as she entered the living room and took a seat beside Sunghoon.

"Sunghoon, I like you a lot," she began, her voice trembling slightly with emotion, "but I know you and Y/n are meant for each other. We had a good run of few months, but even we both know it won't last long."

Sunghoon felt a lump form in his throat at her words, the guilt and sadness threatening to consume him whole.

"Rim babe..." He reached out to touch her hand, a silent gesture of gratitude and regret, but she pulled away gently, a bittersweet smile playing on her lips.

"I'll always cherish the memories we shared," she continued, her voice soft with nostalgia, "but I can't hold onto something that was never meant to be. You deserve to be with someone where there is mutual love, Sunghoon. And that someone isn't me. I see how longingly you look at her."

Tears welled up in Sunghoon's eyes as he listened to her words, his heart breaking a little more with each passing moment. He knew that he had hurt her, that he had let her down in ways he could never fully comprehend, but he also knew that he couldn't deny the truth any longer—that his heart belonged to Y/n, now and always.

"Thank you," Sunghoon whispered, his voice choked with emotion, "for understanding. For being so... selfless."

************************************************************************

With a sense of determination burning in his chest, Sunghoon grabbed his umbrella and headed out into the rain, the memories of his past with Y/n swirling around him like a whirlwind. He knew that he had to make things right, that he couldn't let fear and doubt stand in the way of his happiness any longer.

As he approached Y/n's house, his heart pounded in his chest like a drumbeat, the anticipation building with each step he took. He hesitated for a moment before mustering the courage to knock on her door, the sound echoing through the silence like a thunderclap.

Y/n opened the door slowly, her eyes widening in surprise at the sight of Sunghoon standing on her doorstep, rain-soaked and breathless. She opened her mouth to speak, but before she could utter a word, Sunghoon took her in his arms and held her close, his heart racing against hers in a symphony of longing and regret.

"I'm sorry, Y/n," Sunghoon's voice was barely a whisper, his words lost in the storm raging around them. "I'm sorry for pushing you away, for not realizing what was right in front of me all along. I love you, Y/n. More than just a friend."

Y/n felt her breath catch in her throat at Sunghoon's confession, her heart soaring with a joy she had never known possible.

"What about your girlfriend?" Y/n asked.

"Y/n, we broke up," he confessed softly, his words hanging heavy in the air between them. "We both knew it wouldn't last long, she was very understanding."

Y/n felt slightly guilty but also she was grateful Rim was such a great soul.

She begin to approach Sunghoon, taking little steps.

She wrapped her arms around him tightly, clinging to him as if he were the anchor keeping her from drifting away.

"I love you too, Sunghoon," Y/n's voice trembled with emotion, tears mingling with raindrops on her cheeks. "More than words can say."

And as they stood there in the pouring rain, their hearts beating as one, they knew that they had finally found their way back to each other—that no amount of distance or doubt could ever tear them apart again.

For in each other's arms, they had found the love they had been searching for all along—a love that would withstand the test of time, a love that would light their way through even the darkest of storms.

[hmusunoo]

𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐘 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐋𝐈𝐄 - 𝐒𝐉𝐘 - RELEASED DRAFT (WILL NOT CONTINUE)

▏pairings. ROCKSTAR!JAKE x REPORTER!READER

▏desc. JAKE is sick of everyone judging him. He’s famous, loves to party and loves to fuck even more, what’s so wrong with that? When a Goody-two shoes reporter makes a highly criticizing article about him and his bandmates they don’t take it very well, enacting a plan to get her to fall in love with him and change her story.

▏warnings.partying, drug use, alcohol use (I'm being fr here y'all they do a lot of drugs)the members of enhypen as SHOUT OUT(the rock band)- except ni-ki, jungwon and sunoo. Not proof read. THIS IS A RELEASED DRAFT. IT WILL NOT BE CONTINUED, the reason I posted this draft is because I've got multiple people asking for me to post my draft of this. I won't be adding tags to it though, so if you follow me you'll see this. It wont be added to my master list either, enjoy what I thought was gonna be a very very good fic lol. I might regret this in the morning oops.

Jake's gaze had only left the girl in front of him for a brief second, the sound of the door slamming open rustling the lust filled moment that was currently happening. The girl in front of Jake jumped back, spitting Jake's dick out of her mouth in surprise. Her glitter covered eyelids lifting up widening her eyes.

"Out. now." Duri, Shout out's manager spit at the girl. Gathering her things the girl stumbled out of the open door, knees red and dignity in the dirt.

"What the fuck?" Jake slurred eyes heavy lidded "Why did you do that?" Duri's eyes lit up with annoyance. "Drink water, sober up at least a little bit and get your ass out here. We're having a band meeting in ten."

The door slammed closed behind Duri as he walked out of the old backstage dressing room that Jake was cooped up in. Jake leaned against the wall the high from the coke and booze he consumed earlier dwelling down. The haze from high now replaced with a pounding in his head and an ache behind his eyes.

Just a minute ago he was on cloud nine, the feeling of that no name girl's lips wrapped around his dick coupled with the high he felt was euphoric. It's crazy how something like that can fade instantaneously.

Jake dusted his self off adjusting his open zipper and making his way out the door sluggishly. The other members of Shout out sat on couches in the old dingy dressing rooms in the backstage of the venue they had just played at not even an hour ago.

Sunghoon was lazily slung over the arm of the sofa playing on his phone, Heeseung sat next to him head in his hands most likely sporting his usual headache that he gets after concerts.

Jay stood against the wall arms crossed a sour expression on his face as he glared at the floor. Jake rolled his eyes, he knew this was going to be one hell of a shit show if Jay was in a pissy mood. It didn't take a lot to piss the fucker off and honestly Jake wasn't in the right frame of mind to hear the bitching from their leader.

"Where the fuck were you?" Jay spit looking at Jake with his usual disdain.

"I don't have to tell you shit" Jake snarled sitting down besides Heeseung on the old couch.

"Yes the fuck you do. When it comes to affecting our band I need to know what shit you're getting us into" Jay was snarling. His anger radiating off him in waves. Jake could care less though, Jay wasn't his fucking father he didn't get to boss him around whenever he felt like it. He was a grown man and last time he checked his dad was all the way in Australia, where he left him.

"I'm a grown man. When it has nothing to do with the band I don't have to say shit to you" Jake wasn't letting down, no matter how angry Jay got. He was not backing down, not one bit.

Jay pushed himself away from the wall, making his way towards Jake finger pointed out at him, Jake lifted himself from the couch fists clenched ready for anything Jay threw at him. "You're a selfish piece of shit Sim-"

"Both of you sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up now." Duri said from the door of the dressing room, He stood arms full of papers in his hands. "Arguing like little kids." He grumbled walking into the room and slamming the stack of papers down onto the table in front of them all.

No one moved a muscle staring at the stack of papers like it were a foreign object to them. The silence was palpable as Jay was the one to finally pick up the first paper from the table eyes reading over it. His expression changed from annoyance to anger in half a second. "This is such bullshit!" He roared throwing the paper back down onto the table, sending the other copies flying around the room. One landing infront of Jake conveniently. Jake took the paper in his hands noticing the title immediately.

'SHOUT OUT SHOULD CONSIDER SHUTTING DOWN' written by Y/n l/n Jakes eyebrows scrunched ion confusion reading the words with a fierce precision. Pictures of The other members flooded the front of the article, ones from moments they felt were private to them. Pictures of booze, girls and lines of coke blurred out in almost every single one of them. Someone had been sneakily taking pictures of the bands after parties and selling it to this news firm to leak out. and better yet that news decided to write a whole article about how much of a fuck they all were.

Jake felt enraged at the words he was reading, judging him like he was some museum painting on display for the whole world to seem, and in some ways he was.

"My favorite line is where they mention that you were all kicked out of the music video awards because Jake was caught fucking Nari yun backstage, or oh! How Jay got blacklisted from Givenchy for having a freak out and punching the director" Duri went onto say pointing at the article with faux excitedness.

"Our how they mention Sunghoon crashing his brand new mustang going 90 in a residential area and living, she called compared him to superman but stupider isn't that hilarious!" Duri continued to laugh at the members who sat uncomfortably on the sofa. "she even mentioned Heeseung who was so drunk during the new years ball drop in New York that he threw up all over the front row during what was supposed to be one of the best opportunities and performances of your life in this band" He was nodding now, the laughter dying down now being replaced with an expression that could only be described as a mixture of disappointment and extreme anger.

Jake didn't know what which one he hated seeing more.

"You're all lucky I convinced this same agency to send a reporter out here and record your day to day tour life for a month to prove that you're all changed men and on your best behavior." All members looked to Duri in shock.

"What?" Heeseung said "So we have to pretend to be a bunch of pussies for a month? For what? To get the media off our backs when they should just be minding their own business any fucking way" Heeseung threw his hands in the air with annoyance.

"You'll do it if you want to keep your fucking job" Duri spit out, yet again shocking every member in the room. "The label is threatening to disband and break up Shout out. They're sick of your shit and quite frankly so am i. if you four don't get your shit together in this next coming month you can kiss your careers goodbye because after the news of your split surfaces and the cause of it, no label will ever want to work with you fuck ups ever again. This is your one and final chance to not be complete fucking losers." Sat in silence the members didn't dare utter a single word awaiting the next few words from Duri.

"You're going to have to convince the same girl who wrote that article that you've cleaned yourself up" Duri said as the last thing before storming out of the room, not even giving the members a chance to respond.

"What did he just say?" Sunghoon asked, looking at everyone "The same girl who wrote the article is coming to stalk us for an entire fucking month?"

Jay was seething his face a bright red watching the door that Duri had left out of. "Thanks to you idiots we have too convince a fucking bitch that were not dumbasses"

"Thank to us?" Jake scuffed "You too man. Not just us"

"Fuck you Sim" Jay spit "You're the biggest loser of us all" Jay stormed out of the room in the same fashion as Duri, making sure to connect his shoulder with Jake's on his way out.

"Fuck" Heeseung muttered running his hands through his hair "Were so fucked"

Jake nodded along to that, not looking forward to what was coming next.

"No" You shook your head "I'm not doing it" Your senior editor, boss and ex boyfriend Soobin sat in front oof your desk informing you of what your next assignment was going to be and it was one you didn't feel like you could do. Not after writing that article about them, they most certainly hate you and you weren't sure if you want to spend a whole month following them around.

"Its apart of the job, Y/n and you're the one were assigning this project to." Soobin had a smug look on his face, one you had grown to hate.

"You just want to get rid of me for a month, I know your game." You hissed at him. Soobin folded his hands in front of him "This is not about our previous fling y/n, this is about the job." You rolled your eyes at his audacity.

"I am your boss now Y/n you're going to have to accept that fact. This is your new assignment, if you don't accept then you're forfeiting your position." He tapped the top of your desk before rising up and walking out the door, the contract on the table in front of you posed as a shot towards your dignity. Well the very little of it that you had left anyway. Snatching the paper off the desk you read the fine print over one more time before picking up your pen and signing on the dotted line. It felt like you were signing your life away for a whole month and you suppose in some ways you were.

You were going to be stuck with four boys following them around judging their movements for a whole month. This was going to be hell.

"Hell no" Jay shouted a few days after the whole dressing room debacle. His face was red and the vein that usually popped out when he was extra angry was prominent as they all sat crowded in Heeseung and Jay's shared hotel room.

"How are they going to send the same bitch who wrote that article to come and follow us around for a month?" For the first time in forever Jake had found himself agreeing with Jay. There was no way they wanted her around them, judging them more than she already had. They had been on the cusp of losing their careers because of her and now the label expected them to suck up to her like a fucking star student, like a fucking teachers pet. Hell fucking no.

"I refuse" Jay said to Duri a look of utmost discontent on his face, Duri just laughed at him something Duri seemed to be doing a lot to them. "You don't have a choice. She'll be here within the week and you'll treat her with respect." Duri was laying it into them not giving them a single choice in the matter it was suffocating, degrading even.

"Get some rest. You all have that shoot with Calvin Klein tomorrow and she'll be there briefly to watch before she joins us for the rest of the tour next week, do not embarrass yourselves." Duri declared before making his way out the room.

All four members signed in frustration the events as of late weighing on them. "I need a drink" Heeseung grunted into his hands. "Or more" Jake smirked rummaging through his pants and pulling out a small baggy containing a white powdery substance.

"What the fuck dude" Jay hissed at Jake "We were just told not even ten minutes ago to be on our best behavior and you go ahead and pull that shit out?" Jay ran his hands through his hair in frustration but all three boys stared at him knew how much he wanted a bump too.

Jake knew it wouldn't take too much convincing to get Jay to chill the fuck out and have fun with them.

"Do you know how fucking child like it makes us seem when you say shit like 'be On our best behavior' were grown men" Jake said patting Jay on the back "besides were in the hotel room, what that reporter doesn't know won't hurt her" Jay looked as if he were thinking for a second milling over the idea before nodding.

Snatching the bag from Jake, Jay muttered a "This is the last time"

Soon all four boys were lazily slung over the bed and floor of the hotel room dazed out talking about the most random of things. Sunghoon sat up suddenly from his position on the floor. "I have an idea" A smirk was on his face as he looked over at the other members. Sluggishly Jake looked to Sunghoon waiting to see what his grand idea was.

"This reporter. Let's fuck with her" Sunghoon said. "What do you mean?" Heeseung asked now sitting up himself.

"She won't write badly about us if she's a fan or something" Sunghoon posed "Maybe we make her a fan"

"and how would we do that? If she's not already a fan of us now how would we get her to like us going forward." Heeseung questioned, a good question indeed. It would be hard to get her to enjoy their music if she didn't already, she certainly has to have heard their music.

"what if we don't make her a fan though, what if we get her to fall in love with one of us...string her along until she writes something good about us and then dump her after?" Jay asked the group. Jake still laid on the floor blearily looking up at the ceiling fan as it spun round and round. Truthfully he wasn't paying much attention to what the others were saying, he was in his own world entirely.

"Jake!" Sunghoon shouted bringing Jake out of his daze. "Huh?" Jake slurred looking up at Sunghoon who now towered over him.

"You down to do that for us?" He asked, Jake had no idea what he was saying. None at all but sill he found himself nodding at him agreeing to whatever it was that they needed from him. The thought oof possibly regretting his decision not even crossing his mind.

The day Jake woke up with a pounding headache and no advil near by to relieve it. Struggling to get out his bed he sees that Sunghoon is already awake and getting ready for the shoot.

"Duri called up, we gotta be down at the lobby in ten minutes." He called from the bathroom. Jake's eyes widened, rushing to his suitcase he pulled to the first few items that he could find, throwing them on in feeble attempt at rushing.

"Why the hell didn't you wake me earlier, asshole?" Jake grunted throwing his hoodie over his head.

"You looked so dreamy sleeping, I couldn't disturb your beauty sleep" Sunghoon teased with a smirk on his face. The two boys made their way down stairs to the lobby of the hotel. Meeting up with Jay, Heeseung and Duri.

"You look like shit." Duri said with a grunt at Jake. Jake just held up his middle finger at the man before making the small journey to the private van that was waiting for them outside. The screams from fans was Jake heard as he rushed out the door of the hotel. The flashing lights of paparazzi temporarily blinded him. It made his headache ten times worse, the pounding behind his eyes not letting up for even a single second.

Heeseung groaned in frustration as soon as all four boys were seated in the back seat of the van.

"Jesus Christ" Heeseung said looking out the window of the van. "I never get used to the craziness that comes with this lifestyle."

"But hey! at least the pussies good!" Sunghoon roared with laughter gaining looks of disgust from his fellow members.

"Do you gotta be so vulgar?" Jake asked "Its 8:30am dude."

Sunghoon rolled his eyes "Its not like you weren't thinking the same thing."

The rest of the ride to the shoot was filled with a comfortable silence, everyone in the car hungover from the night before not really looking forward to doing this shoot. Unfortunately the girl who wrote that article was coming and they had to try their very best to leave a good impression so she didn't feel so inclined to write another bad review after she shadows them for thee next month.

"Alright, let's get in and get this over with." Duri spoke as soon as the van made its stop in front of the building they would be doing the shoot in. Once out of the door and in the building Jake felt like he could breathe just a little more.

He was tired of being in that moving car the hangover wasn't doing his harrowing car sickness justice, it was making it so much worse. He was just glad they had stopped and he was able to get out before he puked all over the van and its occupants.

"Hey Sim" Jay called over to Jake getting his and the other two boys attention before entering the building. "remember what we talked about last night alright?" Truthfully Jake very much didn't really recall much of their conversation last night.

The confusion must have been evident because it had Jay sighing out loud, his fist bunching before he hissed out at Jake a quick "Dumbass, you don't remember?"

Jake shook his head "I was high as shit man what the fuck"

"Get the reporter to fall in love with you." Heeseung said in Jake's ear.

"Wait!" Jake protested "Why do I have to do it?"

"We talked about this last night" Jay shook his head grabbing his nose between his fingers in frustration. "You're the best one for it."

Jake sighed out loud looking over at the three boys before nodding his head "Fine, fine fuck ill do it"

This was the last place you wanted to be at today. The sheer amount of busy people running around like chickens with their heads cut off was overwhelming. You felt it hard to breathe in the stuffiness of the close proximity of everyone.

You hadn't caught wind of shout out quite yet and for that you were thankful. You didn't want to come face to face with the four boys that you completely slandered just yet. Even though you knew that's exactly what you were here for. It didn't help that you had Soobin and his skank assistant, Somi trailing behind them watching your every move.

"They should be here any minute" Soobin whispered to you, too close for comfort might you add. You stepped back from him slightly to add room between the two of you. Sending Soobin a nod of confirmation that you heard him.

You looked around the room at all the set ups they had for the boys slightly intrigued in the artistic aspects of it.

"There they are!" The shrill voice that was Somi said from her spot besides Soobin. She pointed over at the door where the members of Shout out were walking through. The screams from their fans were heard from outside the door sending you cringing at the thought of constantly being around that for the next coming month.

Soobin began walking towards the group who were immediately being approached by a few of the staff from Calvin Klein who were more than likely just explaining the event lineup for today. Soobin inserted himself into the conversation with ease laughing and joking with the members and their Manager rather quickly.

"Here is Y/n she'll be the one following you around for the next month or so" Soobin explained pointing over at you.

"Observing, not following" You corrected Soobin rolling your eyes at him "You make me sound like a stalker and not a reporter." Surely you should not be reprimanding your boss in front go people like the members of shouts out but honestly you didn't really care.

Soobin would do any and everything to try to demean you in front of important people and you just couldn't allow him to do that. He had already taken so much of your dignity you'd be damned if you let him take more.

Soobin's eyes turned to slits at you for only a brief awkward second before a big fake smile over turned his face. He looked over to the band once more clapping his hands in faux excitedness "Yes, observing." He said.

All four boys hardly looked at you, something you were prepared for. you knew that they weren't particularly looking forward to your company and you in turn felt the same exact way. Partying and drugs wasn't something you were interested in and you were petrified to see just how much of that they truly did.

Jay's eyes were looking at you with an intense gaze. It didn't look very friendly, it had you looking everywhere but at him. Your eyes trailed to Jake Sim one of the most notorious fuck boys in the industry right now. It was polarizing how attractive he was.

You had to remind yourself to keep your resolve when his eyes met yours. A smirk ghosting his lips, it made you felt tingly and honestly a little wet. He licked his lips his eyes trailing over the expanse of your body.

You tried your best to muster up a look of disgust, shooting an icy glare his way. You looked away from him with a roll of your eyes, no matter how attractive these four men were you had to remind yourself of who they were. You could not allow yourself to fall into the trap of Jake Sim. No matter how badly your body wanted you to.

"Well the boys are going to be getting ready for the shoot you're more then welcome to shadow us." Duri sent you a small smile that was warm and welcoming. You smiled making a move to walk behind the band as they made their way to the hair and makeup stands but a hand on your elbow yanked you back before you could go.

"How dare you disrespect me in front of them" Soobin hissed in your face, it was a quiet whisper but the meaning was pretty loud.

"i didn't" You deadpanned "I only corrected you-"

"That was disrespectful" Somi interjected. Your blood boiled at the sound of her voice and her audacity to interrupt your conversation.

"Mind your own business" You hissed at Somi, She just sent a smirk your way as she snaked her arm around Soobin's in a mock towards you.

"You should really watch how you talk to your boss" Your face was red with anger and to be frank you were embarrassed. How dare she talk to you that way? The nerve of her.

"Unlike some people I'm not going to suck up to my boss" You snickered "We all know where that got you" Somi's eyes widened in surprise at your harrowing words.

"How dare yo-" She began to shriek before Soobin cut in his voice sharp "Cut it out." Her mouth closed like an obedient little house wife.

Before the conversation could go any further you spun on your heels and followed tin the direction that the band went. Not looking back to see if Somi and Soobin were behind you.

You opened your notepad that you had been carrying readying yourself to take notes on how the band reacted to hair and makeup. In truth you were mainly watching Jay. He was notorious at blowing up at things like this.

Someone always pissed Jay off, always.

"Ready to find something incriminating on us?" A voice said from behind you causing you to jump slightly whipping around to find the culprit behind the voice.

"You scared me!" You yelped out, hand against your chest. Jake sim stood in front of you in all his glory.

"Sorry about that" He smiled "Didn't mean to scare you."

“Yeah well you did.” You glared. You realized how rude you were being but you didn’t want too seem vulnerable to him. You weren’t one of these groupie impressionable girls that would fall at his feet. You were here to work, and that was all.

“sooo” Jake trailed off awkwardly “How was your day?” He asked, his accent thick.

You arched a brow at him, stifling a chuckle. “What’s with the formalities? Don’t you have a shoot to be getting ready for?”

“Well i just figured since we’d be spending so much time together that i would come over and introduce myself to you.” His sheepishly cute smile was back on his face and it made you impossibly hot to look at.

How were you to survive a whole month of this?

“I know who you are though” You stated “In fact, i know all about you.”

“You know nothing about me.” He snapped, taking you aback at his tone. You stepped back an inch surprise written all over your face. Quickly Jake shook his head.

“I’m sorry” He imposed “I just meant..you don’t know the real me, and i certainly don’t know you.” It was impressive how quickly he recovered from what seemed like such angry emotions. It had you wondering if acting was something he should have take part in.

“You don’t need to know me.” You snipped. Chin high you said “I’m here to observe you.”

“Well sure but -“ He was cut off by the voice of Jay calling to him. “Sim! We need you over here man”

“You better go” You said to Jake. Jake nodded looking you over once again, making his way towards the place that jay had called him from.

"Did you talk to her?" Heeseung whispered to Jake as they sat watching Sunghoon's portion of the shoot.

"I tried to but Jay interrupted just as I was getting somewhere" Jake said an annoyed expression on his face.

"Do you think it's going to be easy to bag her?" Heeseung asked. Jake shook his head no with a sigh. "She seemed to hate me, made all these assumptions about me."

Heeseung let out a low whistle "This is going to be hard" Hands in his pockets he sat back on his chair a defeated look on his face.

"Yup" Jake said popping the 'p' "She's definitely going to take some convincing but I think I'll be able to do it."

"I believe in you bro" Heeseung said.

Jake just wanted to take the edge off of everything going on as of late. It was the first night of tour approximately An hour and a half before shout out was due to be on stage and Jake just needed a minute.

One of the new background dancers were eyeing him all rehearsal and who was he to deny the undeniably want in her eyes. He convinced her to occupy his dressing room with him to 'talk'. That talk quickly turned into him being deep inside her instead.

If Jake was being honest her moans were kind of annoying and a little bit distracting but the feel of her tight pussy kept him grounded.

"fuck, fuck, fuck" The girl chanted from underneath him on the dingy sofa of this awful dressing room. "I'm going to cum" She panted racking her long acrylic nails down his back.

"Don't leave marks" He hissed, he hated marks. The girl didn't seem to be listening to Jake continuing to rake her nails up and down his back. Jake's hips snapped against hers in a blurry rush to get to end.

"I'm going to cum!" She chanted loudly in Jake's ear, he cringed a bit at the sound wondering if anyone from outside could hear her. She wasn't even trying to be quiet.

Soon, the girl reached her end. Jake followed suit pulling out to dump his load all over her stomach and chest. His chest heaved as he tried to catch his breath.

Jake zipped his pants and flattened his shirt out muttering a small "Thanks" he said to the girl not offering to help her clean up. He opened the door and immediately bumped into a small frame.

You stood there, face as white as a sheet fist up like you were getting ready to knock on the door. Jake cursed, judging by the color of your face and the expression of disgust you wore you had definitely heard what was going on in here. Jake knew that this was already a terrible start to this Month and that she was surely bound to write about this in her article if he didn't change her mind.

But how was he supposed to get her to fall for him if he was out here fucking different girls in random dressing rooms.

"Duri needed your for sound check" Y/n said curtly. You wanted no part in what had just transpired. The sheer embarrassment from hearing the loud moans was enough to unsettle your stomach. it was day one and you already felt sick to your stomach. Slapping yourself for ever even thinking him attractive when you first talked at the Calvin Klein shoot.

As soon as you went to turn around the door behind Jake opened again. A girl walked out, one who was clearly a background dancer of the tour. Her hair and makeup were a mess and she worse an expression of embarrassment on her face as soon as she seen the two of you standing outside the door.

"Sorry" The girl mumbled putting her head down so that her long hair would frame her face and hide the reddening of her cheeks in the process.

"Hmm" You hummed out before turning on your heels to get as far from the situation as you could.

"Hey, wait" Jake said from behind you. Jogging to catch up with your long strides. "I'm sorry" He said when he was finally caught up, walking directly next to you.

"Why are you apologizing?" You asked. You decided to act stupid too the situation, not wanting to really go over the details of it. You were going to write it down in your note pad and then hopefully burn the sounds from your memory. What a roaring start to your time here.

"Come on" Jake sighed "You and I both know what you seen-"

"I didn't see anything" You corrected. Emphasis on the see. "I did hear something though."

"I'm sorry-" You cut him off again, not in the mood of the excuses of the explanations you just wanted the whole conversation out of your head.

"Don't." You cringed at him "Lets just not talk about it" You made another move too turn around once again but Jake still hadn't felt like letting the conversation go.

"You're going to write about it in your article aren't you?" He asked walking in front of you to prevent you from moving.

Finding not reason to lie you told him the utmost truth even if you knew it was not something he wanted to hear "I am." You nodded at him. His face changed in a split second and if you weren't such an observant person you might have missed it. He was angry, something you expected but still resented.

This was your job, this is what you were here for after all. Did he expect you not to write about what you had just heard. It was obvious he needed a reality check, and soon.

He flashed me a very obviously fake grin "Of course" He nodded curtly "Of course you are." He turned away from you before joining the rest of his bandmates that were tirelessly waiting for him to start rehearsing.

The sigh you let out was heavy as you grabbed your notebook from your bag, you had a feeling by the end of this month that you were going to have filled at least three of these with things you've observed. These boys were a lot already and you were extra nervous to see just how much more was in store.

The show had ended without a hitch. The fans screamed crazily as Shout out exited the stage for the final time tonight. You'd be lying if you didn't say you enjoyed yourself. The energy was live and the band had seemed like they were really letting loose and having fun. It was exhilarating to see.

"Y/n" A voice called to you as you were packing up your stuff for the night, save for your notebook. There was an after party that you were obligated to go to (per soobin's orders) and you had a strong inkling that you would need it there.

You turned to see Duri calling you over to where him and the Members were. You caught a glimpse of Jake and mentally cringed remembering the events that happened earlier.

"I understand you'll be at the after party correct?" Duri asked you when you walked up tot them. You sent him a quick nod holding up the notebook in your hand "I sure will be" You smirked at the boys in front of you who had looked anything but happy at the thought of you being around for their party. In fact the only person who seemed even remotely excited by the idea was Duri himself.

Jay let out a soft scoff but said nothing. You sent the boy a condescending smile but said nothing further as well.

"Great" Duri said clapping his hands "You can ride with us if you'd like" He motioned towards himself and the boys beside's him. You shook your head no, you were already going to be stuck in a room with them all night you didn't also want to be stuck in a car with them.

"That's quite alright" You smiled warmly "I'll just uber over, I have to go to the hotel room anyway to get ready before."

"Well, suit yourself we'll see you there" He sent you one final nod before he was walking off leaving The four boys to awkwardly stand there next to you.

"I don't think we properly met." Heeseung said holding his hand out to you. Reluctantly you attached your hand in his. "Y/n."

"We're excited to get to know you this month" He said sticking his hands in his pockets nonchalantly.

"I'm sure you are" You spoke with an arrogance one you know had annoyed the boys, especially Jay who could not for the life of him stop glaring at you, eyes shining with a hatred you had only ever seen a few times in your life. Mainly from Somi, might you add.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jay spit out. You were going tot lie you hadn't expected his brazen tone at all. You had assumed he would be keeping it a bit more cordial with you. In honestly whaat were you expecting from a hot head like Jay park.

You cocked your head at the boy, not allowing him to see you fazed at all. Choosing not to engage further you just flashed thee four a smile and said "I'll see you all tonight"

The sounds of muttered curse words were all you heard as you made your way from them, towards the door of the venue.

When you entered the club that the after party was taking place you noticed that it was in full swing, full of people drinking and dancing having the times of their lives. This was definitely not your setting whatsoever. You felt completely out of place here. You wore an outfit that was definitely not club attire. Looking for the boys you wandered around the club like a lost puppy for the better half of an hour.

"are you ok?" A deep voice spoke from behind you, stopping you in your wondering tracks. You whipped your head around coming face to face with a man you had never seen before.

"What?" You said startled by his beautiful face. "Uh, yeah i'm looking for shout out..I'm supposed to be at their after party.." You trailed off. The man chuckled quirking an eyebrow at you in a mocking way.

"Sorry sweetheart but they don't really allow fangirls in this early into the party, they wait until they're ready to ...go home. if you catch my drift.." The look of disgust you sent must have been grueling as the boy's face fell the smirk no longer on his face.

"I'm not a fangirl" You spoke with authority but you had a feeling that no matter how much you tried to appear professional this man wasn't go to hear not one word you had to say clearly. He was as drunk as a skunk, sloppily at that. "I'm working on an article on them and need to be where they are virtually at all times so if you would be please just let me know where they are that would be great."

The boy went back to laughing, at you. The anger you felt in your chest was a simmering mess. "Are you seriously laughing at me right now?" You raged. You knew how this looked; sitting here arguing with a drunk egotistical man but you couldn't help it. Your pride would not allow you to go down that easily.

"No can do sweetheart-"

"Stop calling me that." You grumbled crossing your arms over your chest like a child being scolded.

"No can do girl" You scoffed at him as he continued "Do you know how many people guise as all sorts of occupations to see them. I can't tell you-"

"Fuck you. I'll find my own way-" A hand grabbed at your forearm as you went to turn away, yanking you back against him.

"Don't even think about it" He grumbled. You moved to yank your arm from his scalding grip but he wouldn't allow it, holding on tight with a death grip.

"Let. me. go" You seethed at him.

"I told you, you can't see-"

"Hey!" A familiar voice bellowed out. Jake was walking towards the two of you, his eyebrows scrunched in what seemed like anger.

"Jake dude-" Jake cut the boy off before he could get another word out. "Let her go right now."

"dude.. she's a fucking groupie" Jake rolled his eyes in annoyance "She's that journalist we were telling you about you dumbass." A look of stark realization presented itself on the face of thee boy you still didn't know the name of.

"Oh." He said letting your now burning arm go.

"I told you that you fucking asshole" You reeled. Jake's eyes widened at your choice of words but you couldn't find it in yourself to care. The professional act left as soon as this man put his fucking hands on you. "but because I'm a woman my words mean nothing apparently you fucking-"

"Alright alright..let's go" Jake said softly putting his hand to your shoulder to guide you away from the very stupid man who stood there in silence as you got ready to berate him.

"I'm sorry about Tae.. he's a little drunk." Jake enunciated once again.

"Whatever" You clipped out at him, the situation draining all your energy for the night. You really hadn't felt like staying the rest of the night here for a bunch of drunk people if you were being completely honest.

"Do you want to get out of here? We don't even have to go to the party if you don't want to" Jake insisted, practically reading your mind.

"I have to be here." You sighed "No matter how I don't want to be here it's apart of my job."

"I'll go with you." He persisted "You'll still technically be doing your job, you'll just be observing me only."

You thought about it for a second and in all honestly it sounded like such a better idea then being here it this loud club where you were already sporting a massive headache, the strobe lights and pounding music not helping to ease the ache growing behind your eyes.

"I'm not going to sleep with you." You stood firm. Jake's eyes widened "No-no I-i wasn't I just- we just" He sputtered out. "That wasn't my intention."

"Ok" You nodded "Then lets go, I have a headache"

[onskepa]

What is next?

Hello everyone! Consider this as a base for all the reaction fics!

----------------------

“Dad, let's watch this one!” 

“No this one!” 

“Noooooooo!! That one looks boring!!” 

“Oh my eywa….” 

Jake massages his head as his kids argue what to watch first. He regrets introducing the world of TV to his kids. It is already bad enough for Neytiri, who loves dragons, demands to see all the dragon based shows and movies. The humans are no help either, they would happily show his kids, with the addition of the entire clan, their personal favorite cinemas. 

And to think it couldn't have gotten any worse, Tonowari and his family would come for occasional visits, and now they too, are addicted to watching cinemas. 

“Alright! Alright! You guys can watch whatever you want, but once a week! Seriously it scrambles your brains "Jake says to literally everyone. 

His wife, his children, Tonowari, his wife and family, and the literal clan. Along with his well known human friends. All began to complain, some saying they don't agree, some do, so say it won't be fair. 

“Seriously! I wanna know what happens next in stranger things!” spider complains along with ao’nung. Rotxo grins as he shakes his head, “too bad”. 

“But I wanna watch bluey!” Tuk whines, and Jake turns to her confused. “Bluey? You never watched it before” he says. His little girl shrugs, “no but uncle norm says its a fun show for kids like me and people with family issues”. 

Ow. 

Norm looks away, chuckling nervously. 

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Jake can feel a growing headache. 

“Alright, since I have said we can only watch one thing a week, it will take everyone to vote what will be the next media to consume to vote wisely!” he announces. 

“Aaaawwww…..” more complaints. 

Oh may Eywa help with his patience. 

“Even if we do watch something, not everyone will be able to see it at the same time. Some might fall behind or miss it entirely” lo’ak points out. Rotxo blinks, suddenly remembering something. 

“It would be sad if your other human friends would miss it” he says. Lo’ak and spider shrug a bit, 

“It is fine, for them, they have other things to do” lo’ak answers. Spider turns, not entirely agreeing, “well not all of them. I know some will still join us, sure they can move their duties around”. 

As they talk tsireya, neteyam and kiri join. 

“Well, whatever movie we will watch, I am sure it will be wonderful” tsireya says with hopeful joy in her tone. 

“I don't mind watching some sad time to time” kiri comments. Neteyam only nods, he doesn't have anything particular in mind to see. The movies and shows they have watched so far were amazing. 

After a week, the votes have reached a winner. And now everyone had settled into their “theater” which is one of the largest caves in the Hallelujah mountains. Big enough for the clan to set in and watch. 

“Alright, I see no complaints for this one so let's do our best to just relax” Jake says as the film begins to play. Everyone was sharing popcorn or other snacks, some together, some as a couple, and some sitting on others. Everyone was silent as the screen began to fill with color and motion. 

So as I said, this is a starting point for all the reaction fics. There will be no specific order, expect for the days that I post them!

[prettypinkporkchop]

Could I please get a Leah x fem reader where it’s r who saves Leah from that vampire instead of jacob. A little angst beforehand tho where Leah was completely against the imprint bond cause of Sam?

You are absolutely distraught with how Leah is handling your love for her. You were all just outside having a fun time at Emily's when you decided to grab her hand. She yelled at you and went inside the house. It left everyone in awkward silence.

You cough back some tears and stand up. "Hey, guys. I think I should head home." You fake smile.

"Hey.. no." Emily grabs your wrist.

"No, I'm okay!" You insist.

"You know Leah won't let you leave. The newborn army is here." Embry says.

"I don't care. I've got to go." You try to leave but Jared grabs you and lifts you over his should.

"Jare, careful." Kim says softly.

"Jared! Put me down! Now!" You yell.

"Nope. You're an imprint. You stay here." He says. He tries to set you down but you try to leave again.

"Uh, uh!" Embry stands up fast and grabs you.

"Y/n. Hey." Sam walks up to you and touches your face. "I know what happened is very shitty. But, at the end of the day, you're hers and you're to stay here." He says softly.

You glare into his eyes. "She hates me because of you, Sam." You hiss.

He nods his head in understanding. "I know." He whispers. "But it's fate. We don't control the universe." He smiles.

You sigh and look down at your feet before turning behind you to look at Embry. "I'm not going. Let me go." You say.

He let's you go, and you stay put as told.

----

You sniffle against your pillow. You're in Leah's bed, and she's preparing for you to stay in the cold with Jacob, Edward, and Bella.

She sighs, walking into her room, dropping the bag at the end of the bed. "I can hear you crying." She says.

"Good for you." You mumble.

"Don't act like a child." She moves around, putting stuff in the bag.

You're too exhausted to fight her. Mentally. You've been nothing but loving to her, and she just refuses you. You know she feels what you feel because that one day plays in your head over and over...

Your hands touch as she hands you the drink at the bonfire. She stops and locks eyes with you. She has that same look she had when she imprinted on you. She smiles for just a moment before dropping it and walking away.

Sam and Emily shouldn't even be a thought between you two. It hurts that she still feels for Sam. You just want her and only her.

"You're doing it again." She says coldly.

"Doing what?" You stay put in your spot, facing the wall.

"Crying." She hisses.

You reach your hand up and touch your cheeks. You didn't realize that during that flashback, you had started crying again. "Sorry." You mumble.

She grabs your shoulder, pulls you onto your back, and looks over your face. "I may not want to care about you, but I do. I'm going to protect you. After this, I need you to deny the bond." She orders.

You stop breathing for a moment.

"Y/n, listen. I hurt you. I'm hurting. I don't want to do this to us. Please, just forget about me. It'll make things easier." She runs her thumb over your chin before getting up and leaving the room.

----

Holy. Shit. You've never been so fucking cold. You have two pounds of clothes on with blankets all on top of you. You're still a chattering mess.

Jacob opens the tent and looks over you. "Jesus Christ. Leah left you like this?" He asks.

"Go away, Jake." You shiver, not wanting to hear his comments.

"I can hear Bella, too. I'm going to get Leah." He leaves.

You're too cold to even worry about anything else. You feel like you're going to freeze to death. A few minutes later but it felt like an hour, Leah comes in. She zips the tent closed and then lays next to you.

"Edward couldn't have chosen a better spot for you two, huh?" She chuckles, trying to lighten the mood.

You just sit there, shivering. She pulls your face into her chest and basically covers her body with yours. This is an instant relief. Your breathing is slowly going to its normal pace. Your thoughts are becoming clearer. You begin to get very weak and tired. You end up passing out before anything.

Leah wakes you up gently, rubbing your shoulder. "Y/n, up. I have to go. Stay here with Edward and Bella. Seth will be here, too." She says very quickly.

You're only given a second to process what was said, and she's out of the tent. You get out as well and see Bella, Edward, and Seth there.

"It's about to start." Edward says.

Bella reaches over to touch your arm. "You okay?"

"Yes." You nod your head.

"Jake just got there."

Bella breathes in.

"He's good."

You sit there and listen in on the battle. It seems to be going smoothly. Until Riley pulls up, looking all edgy and shit. Edward and Riley exchange words when Seth grabs him, tearing him apart. But Victoria comes in, and now her and Edward are fighting. Bella grabs a rock and cuts her arm. She looks at you and shrugs as if she has no other idea. Which, same.

----

After that, you all go out there to join the others. You see the vampires chatting and some wolves leaving to go shift.

"Wait!" Edward calls out.

A forgotten newborn comes out and grabs Leah by the neck. You're quick to get close enough to the vampire. You're so close, Leah's paw almost hit you.

"Y/n! No!" Some of the Cullens call to you.

The vampire sniffs, letting Leah go and stepping to you. He grabs your neck and you close your eyes, hoping for the fucking best.

Then, his grip is gone. You open your eyes, and Leah is tearing him apart. Once she's done, she looks at you, huffs, and joins her pack.

"Brave imprint." You turn to see Rose smirking.

"Thanks, I think." You laugh awkwardly.

Then, you see a petite girl with red eyes. She looks scared.

"She's with us." Carlisle says.

"Y/n, you're stupid! You know that? Stupid!" Leah grabs your arm and pulls you with her away from the vampires.

You see the volturi walking up in the distance. Thank God you're leaving, they're scary.

"I am stupid. But I love you." You finally spit and jerk your arm from her hand.

She turns and looks at you. "I love you, too. You stupid idiot." She grabs your face and kisses you.

This shocks the hell out of you, but you kiss back and melt into her mouth. The feeling is better than you've ever imagined. Her hands pull you closer, and you wrap your arms around her neck. She pulls away and looks down at you.

"Never do that again. Do you hear me?" She says sternly.

"Yes." You reply, out of breath.

She presses a soft kiss to your cheek before pulling you along with her through the woods to the Uley's.

[squoxle]

✏ TNAIT 002: No Money, No Problem l.at fanfic

✰ pairing: nerdy!bandboy!anton x cheerleader!fem!reader | ✰ wc: 2.5k | ✰ cw: profanity, sexual themes, lgbt comments | ✰ plot: you find the perfect guy to help you bring up your grades, but he's so shy you wonder if you'll make any progress. too bad you couldn't get his cute little friend instead... [Series Masterlist]

“Dude! What the hell was that?” Chanyoung spat.

“What? Oh you mean making your wet dreams come true? In that case, you’re welcome,” Dongmin chuckled.

“Wet dreams? You’re the one who fantasizes about screwing the whole cheer squad, not me.”

“Stop acting like such a prude. You know you want it too. I saw your little buddy standing up for attention.”

“It was cold as fuck out there.”

“Right…those thoughts were pretty hot though, huh?”

“Shut up…”

“Look you just better make sure you pull your dorky ass together and text that girl before tomorrow. Unless…you’re too chicken,” Dongmin said as he began clucking like a chicken.

“God, you’re such a fucking child,” Chanyoung rolled his eyes, pulling out his phone.

Dongmin looked over his shoulder to watch him text you. “Dear my beloved personified fantasy,” he began. “I’d love to meet you tomorrow at 12 o’clock sharp to help you raise your grades while you raise that skirt,” he chuckled.

“Seriously dude, back the fuck up. I can’t concentrate,” Chanyoung sighed.

hey i wanted to text u before it got too late

i'll be at the library around 8am tomorrow morning

Sent 9:43pm

Chanyoung carefully re-read the messages, double-checking for any missing details.

"Ponytail" Typing...

"Shit!" he spat.

"What? What happened? Did you accidentally send her that video of you whacking off?" Dongmin teased.

"No...she's typing."

"Already?"

it's fine

i'll be up by that time anyway

should i...bring anything?

Sent 9:45pm

"Fuck! What do I say?"

"Gimme," Dongmin grinned as he snatched the phone from Chanyoung's hand.

yeah that sounds great

and nah ur good

just make sure u bring ur laptop...and maybe a notebook

Sent 9:46pm

Read 9:46pm

"Ponytail" Typing...

kk

gnite <3

Sent 9:46

gn

"Ha!" Dongmin exclaimed before giving Chanyoung back his phone. "Too easy," he huffed. "Now, all you gotta do is shave your balls and get ready for tomorrow," he smiled, patting Chanyoung on the shoulder.

"Shave my what?!"

"Your nuts, bro. So you can get that brain while you use yours," he chuckled.

"You know if anyone else heard the way you talk to me they'd think you were gay."

"I'm just being real with you."

"Yeah...really gay."

"Whatever," Dongmin laughed as he wrapped an arm around Chanyoung's shoulder.

"You sure lucked up, huh?" Abigail chimed as you told her about your little rendevous with Chanyoung. "I've seen him before, but I always kinda thought he was...y'know," she paused to flick her wrist, a motion you very well knew the meaning of.

"No, no. At least, I don't think so. He's just kinda shy."

"Shy? Or more into guys," she chuckled.

"Hey, knock it off. You're the one who told me to get my own guy."

"Actually, you wanted that. If I recall it correctly you said it would be weird for us to use the same guy."

"Oh...right," you blew air into your cheeks as you thought back to that moment earlier.

"Well, just let me know how everything goes for you. And remember, there's a sweet little Aussie boy named Jake who'd be more than glad to help you out," she smiled. "But beware. He's a subby little switch," she chuckled. "Cute and sexy."

"Hopefully, everything goes well tomorrow and I won't need your puppy," you chuckled as Abigail pulled up to your house.

"Fingers crossed that even if he is gay, he's at least useful."

"He's not gay."

"You don't know that for sure," she tilted her head.

"Neither do you," you tilted your head, mocking her.

"Hmm, fair enough. But you owe me lunch if he is," she smiled as you unbuckled your seatbelt.

"You're really sure about this," you laughed.

"Uhh...duh."

"Okay well I gotta go inside now before my dad eats me alive," you said as you climbed out of the car.

"Good luck, girlie," she waved as you jogged to the front door, waving back at her.

The next morning, you stopped by the ATM to withdraw 50 bucks before meeting with Chanyoung. "This should be enough for today," you thought to yourself.

"Debit Declined, Transaction Failed," the automated voice chimed as you inserted your card. "What the hell?" you spat before attempting to insert your card again only to see the same message pop up 3 more times.

"Did dad freeze my debit card?" you asked as your mom answered the phone.

"Yes, he did it when you came home late last night."

"I literally just came home from a game."

"I know, but you know how he feels about that."

"Yeah...it's fine."

"What did you need the money for?"

"Nothing, I changed my mind," you lied.

"You sure, honey? I can send the money to you a different way. Just let me know how much you need."

"No, Mom. It's alright. Really. Thanks though."

"Okay, well let me know if you change your mind again."

"M'kay. I will."

"Bye," she said before hanging up.

You needed that money right now more than anything else. However, given the current circumstances, that wasn't an option.

"Hey," you waved shyly as you sat down at a table across from Chanyoung.

"Hey," he said, so softly that you almost didn't even hear him. "So, umm...what did you want to start working on first," he asked in that same sheepish tone.

"Umm, well maybe math. It's an introductory algebra course, but I'm kinda struggling to grasp it y'know."

"Can you show me what you've been working on?"

"Sure," you stood up to move your chair closer to him. "Sorry," you apologized as he jerked slightly. "Fuck, I hope I'm not being too aggressive," you thought to yourself.

"It-it's okay," he smiled softly before scrolling through your modules. "Dongmin and his stupid big mouth," Chanyoung thought to himself.

"So, what do you think we should do first?" you asked, breaking the silence.

"Umm...maybe we could look through one of the quizzes and review the content. It'll be the easiest way to learn."

As brilliant as that idea sounded, you didn't have the time to actually learn the material.

"I'm not trying to sound ungrateful or anything, but is there any way I can get you to do the majority of the work...I just don't really have time to learn this with cheer practice and everything," you cringed at your own words, realizing just how pathetic you sounded.

"Oh, uhh--"

"I'll pay you," you blurted just as you remembered that you couldn't exactly finance this little escapade. "Well...actually--"

"It's fine. You don't have to do anything unless you want to. Let's just look at this as a friendly favor," he shrugged as his lips formed into a shy smirk.

"Huh, really?"

"Yeah," he nodded, turning back to the laptop. "You can watch me work the problems out. Maybe it'll help you learn the material," he said as you leaned over, unconsciously bracing yourself on his thigh.

You listened as he explained the process of solving each equation and watched him scribble notes in your journal. For a moment, you got lost in his eyes. You watched them glaze across the screen through his glasses.

Maybe it was his shyness, or maybe it was something else, but your heart always fluttered when he came around. That was the real reason you stumbled on your words whenever you spoke to him.

It was something about the way he bit his bottom lip when he was focused that made you want to kiss him...

"Ugh!" he groaned as you lost your balance. Your hand fell right into his manhood and you could see it all over his face.

"Oh my god! I'm so sorry," you pleaded, grabbing onto his shoulder as he hunched over in pain.

"I-it's alright...I know you didn't do it on purpose," he said, grinding his teeth together.

"Umm, do you want me to get something?"

He exhaled deeply before replying, "No, I just have to wait it out."

"I'm really sorry," you apologized again as he continued to take deep breaths, squeezing his eyes shut. You reached over to close your laptop. "We can finish this later," you said as he seemed to calm down.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. You've already done more than I would've."

"So..tell me something about yourself. Since we're gonna be hanging out a lot more often, we might as well take the time to get to know each other," you said as the two of you sat outside together.

"There isn't really much to know," he shrugged.

"What about past relationships?" this question was triggered by a sense of curiosity and the fact that Abigail was so sure he was gay.

"Well, I've never really dated anyone before," he said, looking off.

"Anyone...well did you at least have a crush?"

"Hmm...there was this one girl I liked, but she only ever saw me as a friend."

"Have you always been into music?"

"Huh? How'd you know I was into music?"

"Shit," you swore to yourself. You didn't hear this from him..

"Oh, well umm I remember seeing you in the orchestra during the first week of school," you were able to save your ass this time, but you had to be more careful. You knew more than you were letting on.

"Oh yeah. Well, actually my parents encouraged me to start playing the cello, but I grew to like it on my own. Heh, I remember one time when I stayed up all night to learn this one piece. It was really important because that would be my first solo performance in high school," you watched as he smiled thinking back to that moment.

"Well I'm sure you did amazing," you smiled.

"Ehh...that would've been the expected outcome," he chuckled to himself. "But I thought it was a brilliant idea to be Romeo before my performance and ended up forgetting half of my solo. You can imagine how that went."

"Not really..."

"Well, it's like I said earlier. She saw me as a friend. So my head was all over the place after that. I should've just waited until after the show to tell her. I was gonna do it anyway."

"Hmm...maybe," you sighed, wondering if he still had feelings for her or had moved on by now.

"Alright, enough about me. It's my turn to ask you some questions."

"Okay, hit me," you laughed at his boldness.

"How many relationships have you been in?"

"Zero. Next question."

"Zero?! How?"

"My parents are pretty strict so I wasn't allowed to date. To them, my grades are the most important thing. But there was one guy I liked. He was a little older than me, but he hated the fact that we had to sneak around all the time," you sighed thinking back to the first real boyfriend you could've had.

"Oh, well I can understand that," he said looking over to you as if he was trying to read your body language, hoping it would expose another part of you.

"So what else did you want to ask me?"

"What made you come up to me? Aside from needing help."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I've come to every game and that was the first time we ever spoke to each other. I'm just wondering if there was something that stood out," his shaggy brown hair was perfectly draped across his face, slightly peeking over his round glasses.

"Uhh...well you were a familiar face. I figured you had to be a genius if you were in the orchestra. Y'know musically inclined people are said to be more intelligent," you smiled even though you knew very well that you chose him randomly and could barely remember him on your own.

"Heh, that's what my dad always tells me," he smiled with an expression so pure and sweet you could only sit there in silence.

You felt bad realizing that your only intention of talking to him in the first place was to use him to improve your grades. Plus this little heartfelt conversation started for two reasons--1) you had to buy time to come up with another form of payment and 2) you were not buying Abigail lunch.

If you didn't need him, you honestly wouldn't have looked twice in his direction. Yes, you found him attractive, but that was it. You didn't care about his interests...

"Spill the tea! Is he gay or not?" Abigail squealed as you met up with her in the campus cafe.

"Woah, what happened to 'hey, how did the studying go?'" you laughed.

"Tell me about that after this. I'm starving and I wanna know if I'm gonna be paying or not."

"Well he told me about a girl he liked back in highschool so I think that should answer your question."

"Dammit," she swore before reaching in her bag. " Text me what you want. I'm gonna go order out stuff and I'll be right back, 'kay?"

You nodded as she walked away. You watched her blonde ponytail sway with her movements as she went up to the register. You had completely forgotten about the whole frozen card thing, so you were even happier that she would be paying today.

"Alright, now tell me. Did you suck him off or what?"

"Ugh! No way. I was gonna pay him instead, but my dad froze my cards so I'm just pretending to be his friend so he can keep helping me," this was mostly true except for the fact that you were kinda falling for him.

"Well, you can either keep doing that or at least try to get some pleasure out of it. As cute as my little Jakey is, I just need him for my grades," she smiled, flipping her ponytail. "Do you really think I care about his nerdy life?"

"I know right," You laughed.

"You just need to give that boy your homework and walk away. He's not your study-buddy he's your dorky little fuck-toy and that's it. Don't let him bore you to death with his lame-ass life stories. That is not what you signed up for girl.”

“Honestly. After he fixes my grades I’ll probably never talk to him again.”

“Yeah, until next semester,” Abigail laughed. “I’m not trying to sound like the stereotypical blonde, but I’m too pretty to use my brain. Especially when I have a body like this,” she poked her tongue out as she playfully shook her tits.

“Oh my god! You can’t do that in public,” you hid your face behind your hand.

“Oh baby trust me, there’s a whole LOT you can do in public. It’s only illegal if you get caught,” she winked. “Thanks,” she smiled as the waiter came to the table with your food.

Abby wasn't entirely wrong. You could get away with a lot in public, but someone else is always present. Another witness. Another loose end. Or maybe...a ticking time bomb. Eager to get their way at the expense of your dirty little secret.

Living a double-life has its consequences.

You were so wrapped up in your conversation with Abigail you failed to notice Dongmin who was busy cleaning a table not too far from you. How were you supposed to know he worked here part-time? Like you said earlier, you hardly even knew of their existence before the other night.

Thanks for reading the second episode of my series. [Series Masterlist]

Click this link to go to my main masterlist and stay tuned for the next episodes.

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[dipolardruid]

⚠️ TW WARNING⚠️

Yandere, toxic relationship, kidnapping, attempted break up on readers part.

"What...? No, I wasn't trying to, you know I wouldn't do anything like that!" Tina says with a desperate tone as she closes in on you.

You take a step back to create distance, which causes her to look at you with an unreadable expression "yet you knowingly do it, I've told you repeatedly to stop doing things because they make me uncomfortable, Even after that you still do them." At this she seems to look away a couple of times before making eye contact with you.

"I swear it's never on purpose!" Before you're able to respond or do anything, she continues on."I promise I really mean it! It won't happen starting today!" She says in a pleading tone as she lightly scratches and squeezes her fingers.

"You're right it won't happen starting today because I want nothing to do with you." You quickly turn away before Tina can respond to your words. However, you don't get far before you're grabbed by the back of your shirt "Wait stop w-where are you going?"

Pulling away from Tina, she tries to grab you again, which only causes you to become more aggressive in keeping her hands away, which results in Tina becoming more desperate to hold onto you "please don't go! I promise! I promise I'll stop!" The struggle is enough to cause you to trip over your feet, causing both of you to almost fall.

"Will you stop already! Just leave me alone!" At your raised voice, Tina flinches back, her eyes squinted, fist raised to her chest in a self soothing manner, but it seems to have stopped her from trying to grab you again.

At this, you walk away from her and out of her room, looking back every so often to make sure she isn't behind you. While walking towards the front door, you see both Petra and Jake walking towards you. Upon seeing your upset face, Jake puts up his hand to stop you.

"What's wrong?" He tries to make eye contact with you, but you avoid his gaze looking over at the floor."Go ask Tina." You tell him before walking past him and Petra they both take a quick look at each other before Jake speaks up. "I'll go check on Tina. " Petra nods before following behind you.

That day ended with Petra taking you home and Tina's nonstop calling and texting until you had to block her number.

Despite this, the others sat around you during school hours. Petra or Jake may talk to you, but it's mainly Paul who tries to get you to speak to Tina again.

"Come on, you guys had an argument that's all there is to it. What's the big deal?" He says he says wrapping his arm around your shoulder. However, upon trying to move out of his grip, he tightens his forearm around your collarbone, keeping you in place "ok how about this you just come over you don't have to make small talk with her or anything but just be around like before" you look at him to reject but before you can he speaks up "please..." he says pleadingly.

You don't know why you accepted, you never should've, it would've been better to just take the guilt and walk away from him, to ask for help if he refused to let you go yet you didn't.

Now, here you were watching your face plastered on the screen as your parents beg for your safe return, promising all that they have and more. At this, everything begins to blur as a sob escapes your throat.

"Why...?" Is all that you could muster before the tightness in your throat becomes too much for you to continue talking.

Tina sits beside you, stroking your back. "You tried to leave, I would've handled this better if you listened to everyone else about just coming back, but you wanted to be stubborn about it"

You wanted nothing more than to smack her away and yell, but you knew the consequences of that. You lost count of all the things she's done to you after some time. Things were bearable if you simply let it happen instead of constantly fighting back.

"It's ok...it's ok, come here, no more crying. I don't like it when you cry." Tina says, pulling you closer to herself, your head on her chest.

"They're still looking for me....you can't keep me here forever, tina." You say between breaths as you try to catch your breath. "Really? I would say otherwise, the news has stopped talking about you, your disappearance came and went as everything else does, your parents... let's say they aren't a worry." Tina strokes your head as she says this.

At this you feel you feel your body stiffen and your breath catch in your throat.

As you're about to question her, Tina runs her thumb over your lips before speaking, "That's enough for today. It's late, so let's get you ready for bed." At this, you go to speak up only to be met with Tina's side glance, causing you to keep your mouth shut.

You hate it. You hate the way you fear her. The way your body tenses up as she tucks you into bed and smooths the blanket around you, yet you can't help but let it happen even if you did fight back, you're just a human. Physically, you could stand a chance. However, if she decided to use her power, you'd be on the floor clutching your ears in pain, not only that it'd alert everyone in the house along with the others.

So as much as you want to shove past her as she walks out that door, all you can do is lay in this bed watching her back as she walks out able to do whatever she wants, whenever she wants.

"One more thing." This causes you to look over at her " I love you, Goodnight"

You don't want to say it but you have to yet everytime you do it feels as if you're about to vomit. "Y/N" This causes you to flinch your head back as she says your name with a warning edge to it.

"I-I love you too..."

Request are open!

[songbirdseung]

blurred hearts / park sunghoon ft. sim jake

synopsis: I can't wait for the next life to be with you, i want you now and forever. what can I do to have you see me the way you see him?

pairing: bestfriend!sunghoon x reader, boyfriend!jake x reader, love triangle

warnings: one sided love, relationship troubles, lmk if i missed anything.

wc: 2.3k

masterlist

Your upset best friend, Park Sunghoon hangs up the phone for the third time this week. You called late at night to ramble, rant and cry about your boyfriend who has not been the best towards you these days. The other days of the week were spent face to face, you; running over to his house to ramble, rant, and cry about the same thing. With the messy emotions boiling within you, you fail to notice the same messy whirlpool of emotions swimming in Sunghoon; the man who remains stuck in the friendzone.

"Why don't you just break up with him?" He says as he hands you another box of tissues. "You don't understand, I love him."

"You'd know how it would feel if you loved someone the same way I love Jake." He looks at you as you wipe your tears, seeing you in this state for a past few weeks has given him another reminder why he wants to protect and care for you.

"I do love someone, maybe even more than the way you love Jake" Oh, how he wished he could cast a spell over you to stop crying over your boyfriend and wake up and see what was right next to you, him, Sunghoon.

"Who's that?" This time you actually stop and look at him for the first time again since you opened the door for him. He shakes his head indicating how he won't tell you. "I did not come here to discuss my love life while yours is in shambles." and with what he said, you start crying again, lightly shoving him "Then why did you say it, gosh I hate you." Not effected by your emotional and physical jab, he laughs it off and pulls you into a hug "I love you too."

Back at his house, he knew you were right. It doesn't matter if the odds are not in your favor, it doesn't matter if the other person is hurting you emotionally, if you love them...you stay because apparently love is blind.

Sunghoon lays in his bed as he tries to fall asleep, his head turns to the left to look at the picture frame with a photo of you and him during your vacation after high school graduation.

The two of you got permission from both of your parents to go to Switzerland together, you traveled for the first time, just you two. Luckily you did not get lost or had any bad experiences and made yourselves back home in one piece. The picture reminded him always of that core memory you two had but also reminded him of when the kind lady who took the picture for you calling you two a cute couple, you were about to correct her, but Sunghoon just said thank you and joked about how he can't wait to marry you when you both are older.

Sighing as he turned off the lamp, bitterly going to sleep as he realizes that that may never happen, as long as you're under Sim Jake's love spell.

He's sleeping alone with his weighted blanket while you were cuddled up with your boyfriend. Jake was always the cookie cutter, picture perfect, straight out of a rom com (written by a woman) type of man.

The past week just seemed like an off day for you both, a misunderstanding and conflict that caused you to keep running to your best friend. "I'm sorry for the past week baby, I did not mean to make you feel the way you did." Jake soothes you by caressing your back as you lay you head on his chest. "I'm sorry for projecting my work issues on you, I don't know why I let myself do that."

"It's okay, I totally understand. I mean I would get mad at anyone too if my boss was a complete asshole." You both share a chuckle and Jake kisses your forehead, falling asleep to each other's warmth and presence.

The next day after work, you made your way to the main exit of the building and you find both of the men waiting for you outside, leaning against their cars. "I didn't know you and douchebag made up" Sunghoon was never fond of Jake, he would tell you how he could see pass his "good boy" facade, Jake on the other hand never understood how Sunghoon could hate him when they barely exchanged a few hellos back then. "Dude, I-" you walk up to Jake quickly asking him to just leave it. "Baby, don't. It's okay, He didn't mean it."

"Yes, I did." Sunghoon says, not sparing a glance at the both of you. "Sunghoon, why are you here? and what's with the attitude?"

"I thought to pick you up since you and lover boy were not on good terms, but I guess you two made up." He tries to play off the jealousy by shrugging and having a nonchalant look on his face as he enters his car. "See you around, yeah?" Without waiting for a reply he drives away.

"That best friend of yours really hates me" Jake draws little circles on your back as he pulls you closer for a hug. "I guess after all the times you've made me cry the past week, it's safe to say, yes he does."

He laughs, looking unbothered by it "As long as you're always gonna be mine" he says as he opens the passenger side door for you. "Always."

The car ride home was better than the last time he picked you up, now there was less tension and back to normal. His free hand holding yours while stealing kisses from you during a red light or a stop sign. "Why don't we head to the store, pick up a few things and drive home to have a game night?" Jake suggested. "Let's make sure this game night, stays as game night, alright lover boy" teasing him with the nickname Sunghoon called him earlier. "You know the name Loverboy doesn't bother me, love." shaking your head, you just continue to watch Jake drive you both to the store safely.

Meanwhile back at the bar, Sunghoon is seated next to his friends Heeseung and Jay. "You know, Sunghoon...I hate to say this but-"

"Shut up, I know you're gonna tell me I don't have a shot with yn"

"Oh, so you do know but still decide to be an idiot?"

"We might as well record our same old advice and you could replay it every time you're back in this situation." He rolls his eyes and shoves Jay's face away from his. "You guys are such 'great' friends" the other men laugh and nudge Sunghoon. "We are only joking but also, it's the truth man, I know you like her a lot but she's happy with Jake."

"Also, he's not that bad of a guy, I used to work with him." Heeseung shares a short story on Jake. But this doesn't change Sunghoon's outlook on him. "Clearly jealousy is clouding your judgment" Jay takes away the drink from Sunghoon and reminding him he has work tomorrow.

"Wait, have you ever tried confessing to yn?" He shakes his head, telling them how it was clear that you never liked him. "Really? I remember her telling me in college that she had a crush on you when we were in-" not caring about the rest of Jay's story, he books it out of the bar and heads to your house. "Great, you made him delulu, thinking he can pull her now" Heeseung and Jay laugh seeing their friend stumble out the chair and run to his car.

Yes, he was still sober, but he was drunk on you. As he drives, he's thinking about all those times back in college, wondering if you really had a crush on him back then. But as he pulls into your driveway, he spots Jake's car in the garage, oh how lovely.

Nonetheless, he's at your door, ringing the doorbell. "Hello how-" Jake's sentence was cut short once he sees who's at the door. "I need to talk to yn" Sunghoon enters your house, not looking at Jake and just makes his way over to you. "Okay..." Jake awkwardly closes the door and goes over to you.

"Woah, Sunghoon what are you doing here?"

"He said he wanted to talk to you, So, I'll give you to some privacy. I'll be in the room, love." Kissing you and walking away. To this, Sunghoon looks away but rolls his eyes. Once he hears the bedroom door close, he jumps into action. Sitting next to you on the floor that was decorated with blankets, fairy lights, and snacks. The tv screen illuminated by the game you put on pause.

"Jay told me you had a crush on me back in college, that true?" You blink more than you usually do, bewildered on why that made him come over so suddenly. "Well, yeah but only for like a month?"

"Why didn't you tell me?" You think back to the time, and you remember the day you did see him in a different way. "I think it was just because I just got dump by that guy I was seeing, after that I kind of reminisced about how different you two would treat me." You looked at Sunghoon who was waiting for the direct explanation, so you continued. "You always treated me like a princess and reminded me how worthy I was, so I guess during that month I started developing feelings for you."

"And?"

"I didn't do anything about it because that same month, you started dating that one girl from your class." At this point, Sunghoon was now wishing he just stayed for the rest of Jay's story. "Why did you rush all the way here, also, were you drinking?"

"Maybe..I was with Jay and Heeseung."

"Answer my question.

"I did"

"The first question, Hoon"

"I don't remember what it was."

"Don't bs me, you're not drunk" He sighs and quickly thinks on an excuse to give you. "I was so curious, that's all, besides I was driving home, thought I stop by" you weren't convinced in the slightest, but you know there was no more budging this dude, so you nod and tell him whatever.

A little later Sunghoon goes back home, and Jake comes back into the living room. "What was that about?" Sitting back down in his spot and picking up his controller. "He found out I had a small crush on him back in college before you and I dated, he was curious..."

"Well, yeah the guy has a huge crush on you now, maybe he thought you were-"

"Wait what?"

"Oh, c'mon babe, it's so obvious." You pause the game again and face your boyfriend, waiting for more explanations. "I'm a dude, he's a dude, I basically know he likes you based off on how he acts, especially around me with you." Still not believing it, Jake suggests you call him, being direct and just ask him. So, you do, he hands you your phone and you dial his number.

When you call, Sunghoon has just entered his house and locked the door when he hears your ringtone. Picking up and he immediately wants to go run and hide. "Do you like me, Sunghoon?"

"Of course, you're my best friend. Of course-"

"Not platonically, Sunghoon. Do you have feelings for me?"

"What you gonna do if I do?"

As much as he wants you to drop that boyfriend of yours and be with him, he knows it too selfish to take you away from your happy relationship. But with the number of times where he put you first before his own self, was we wishing you would do so? "You know what, yn let's forget about it, I don't want to ruin what you have with Jake" then hangs up the phone. "So?" Jake looks at you with 'I told you so' look, making you glare at him. "He does..."

"You'll probably have to talk to him seriously next time you guys meet" this time when you pick up your controller, you don't have the same excitement you had before, now you're nervous and scared that you might have just lost your best friend. "I'm sorry I even brought that up, now you're in this predicament."

"No, babe. It's fine, it's better I find out than never."

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to help him move on?" confused with your own answer that it came out as a question. "That'll be awkward."

And for sure it was, because the next two days Sunghoon manage to dodge you and hide away, but those victories of avoiding you ends now. You stand at his front door. With the help of Jay and Heeseung, you three manage to plan something to get him to come out of his house. Sunghoon got ready to meet Jay but when he opened the door to leave, he saw you. "We need to talk."

"What is there to talk about? Yn, you know now that I like you but there's nothing you can do about it." Sunghoon tries to walk past you to get to his car but when he looks in the driveway, his car isn't there. "Jay took your car but don't worry, you're coming with me." Taking his arm and bringing him to your car. "I don't understand how you say I can't do anything about it when-"

"It's not like you're going to break up with Jake to be with me yn, you love him. You don't love me that way, I can't just force you to." You stop walking and face him again. "I can't get you to fall for me by making moves on you because that's not fair to Jake and you. So please, just forget about it."

He gently removes your hand off him and fixes his jacket. "Just go home yn" you try to walk close to him, but he just backs up, away from you. "Sunghoon, I don't want to lose you."

"But yn, I already lost you years ago." He takes your silence a chance to retrieve back into his house and locking the door behind him. The barrier keeping you two apart.

[pandorasfavorite]

Just a girl

Summary: the sully boys protect you because you are the eldest daughter and the most sought out.

Notes: it's a fem reader because I based this on the song Just a Girl by Gwen Stefani.

They would do anything to keep their family's women safe and comfortable. Jake raised the boys to protect their family, specifically their eldest sister. Jake by himself was enough protection for a while but eventually, the boys grew into wanting to protect their family too. When you turned 17 the overprotectiveness was suffocating in a way, not a single Metikyan man approached you. Not because they didn't find you beautiful or capable of being a mate, it was just your family, and no 'girl' was worth a broken nose. When they did approach you Neteyam, Lo'ak, or Jake was looming over you intimidating the boys.

Your Pov:

I'm so tired. So tired of Neteyam. I'm tired of Lo'ak. I'm sick and tired of Dad encouraging them. I have completed my rite of passage here with the people of the reef. I am deemed an adult, and my brothers need to move on and stop worrying. Several men in my life have sought me out, yet they are always scared away. Im just a girl. I'm just a little girl to my father and YOUNGER BROTHERS. It's going to stop eventually I will make it stop. They will stop treating me like a little clueless girl. I won't be dragged away from a potential mate any longer so when he meets me I will fix this. I asked Aonung to help me out, yet he only agreed to anger Lo'ak which will happen. I see him walk across the sand straight toward me with his cheeky grin. Lo'ak and Neteyam are following behind him confused as to why Aonung insisted they walked with him.

I break out into a run grinning about to start the plan, I crash straight into Aonungs chest wrapping my arms around his torso. He picks me up and spins me around laughing a little before kissing the top of my head. Aonung puts me back down in front of him while asking the biggest question: "Are they mad?". I put each hand on one side of his face and lean in closer than friendly and reply: "They're pissed". He smiles brighter than I've ever seen but gets pulled back by the shoulder by one of the boys. Neteyam was absolutely baffled he knew people found interest in his sister but to touch her was something he wasn't prepared for. So I'm guessing he called Dad. Aonung shrugs off what seems to be Lo'ak not shifting away from my gaze until I ask him to. I lean up towards Aonung and whisper for him to leave so he doesn't have to see the situation. He looks at me worriedly wanting more affirmation but I just nod. He walks away ignoring Lo'aks pestering for the first time ever.

Dad strides up to me with Neteyam and Lo'ak standing by his side. "What did I tell you, girl? Shit like that is too dangerous", Dad said for the millionth time. I scoff disrespecting my father, "Don't you think I know exactly where I stand?" I say glancing at each of them. Dad scrunched his face a little taken aback, "We don't think you do y/n". Neteyam chimes in always trying to be the peacemaker, "We just want you to be safe". I huff out a quick exhale and my volume builds up with my words, "This world is forcing me to hold your hand". "You aren't holding our hand don't say that", Lo'ak says not wanting to come to his senses just yet. "I'm just a girl right?! Little old me! Well, guys don't let me out of your sight!", I yell at them harsher than I ever have. It feels good to finally be in charge of myself.

The men don't dare to move another inch, I never yell they are most likely in shock. That won't stop me, not today. "Guess I'm some kind of freak. 'Cause they all sit and stare with their eyes. I'm just a girl", they all tense when I call myself a freak. They have always done that hearing me talk bad about myself, and they visibly are uncomfortable with the fact that people stare at me. "You are not just a girl to us. You are family we are meant to protect you from this world", Dad doesn't get it all. "I've had it up to here Dad. There are many reasons for me to run and hide, I know that. I've experienced them but you will not treat me like a little girl any longer", Dad sighs heavily looking at his two sons for help that they cant provide. "Baby girl look--", I cut him off quickly almost talking to myself "I'm just a girl. I'm just a girl in the world". I hear him start talking again and I shake my head No vigorously, "That's all that you'll let me be! ". Dad's ears pin back similar to Neteyam and Lo'aks.

[roses-for-readers]

Concerned Guardian ~ Tsu'tey x Reader

Warning: Fluff, Tsu'tey being worried about you (aww), small moments of doubt.

Synopsis: After leaving for a hunt, Tsu'tey asks Neytiri to check up on you. After talking with her for a while, you decide to have a conversation with Tsu'tey.

Masterlist

It had been about a week since I had gotten hurt. Tsu'tey was being really sweet and caring as the time progressed. He always made sure to change my wrappings daily and would get me fresh fruits every morning. He was even helping me strengthen the muscles in my back through daily stretches to help with the healing process. Though, he always made sure I wasn't pushing myself too much.

This morning he was getting ready to go on a hunt with some of the other warriors. I was currently sitting on the floor, having healed enough that it doesn't hurt much anymore. Though I still wasn't able to move my arm as much, I decided to weave a basket to try and work on regaining a bit of mobility with it.

Tsu'tey came over to me as he was about to leave. Kneeling down beside me, he placed a gentle hand on the side of my face. I looked up at him to see a slight look of concern in his eyes. He had been hesitant about leaving me for the day, but I told him that I would be fine for one afternoon.

I gave him a smile as I place my hand over his. Leaning in, I placed a small kiss on his lips. "Tsu'tey, I promise that I'll be fine on my own. You go and enjoy the hunt today. Nothing is going to happen to me while you're gone."

He let out a small sigh at my words. Leaning forward, he place his forehead against mine. His eyes were closed as he began to speak quietly, "I just worry you might need me while I am away. You have yet to be by yourself since you got hurt. I don't want you pushing yourself while I'm not here."

"I promise that I won't do anything too extreme. I'll just sit here weaving until you get back. Now go before they leave without you." Giving him one final kiss, I gently pushed Tsu'tey away with a smile. He gave on in return as he caressed my cheek before finally going to leave.

I watched him leave, sighing softly once he was out of sight. Turning my attention back to the soon-to-be basket resting in my lap, I began to weave. Though I was going a little slower than I liked, I knew it was just because my arm need to strengthen the muscles again. Plus, the bone was starting to set like it was before breaking.

I had been weaving for about an hour when I heard someone climbing up the tree. Placing the basket to lay down in front of me, I carefully stood up to make my way towards the entrance. As I got closer, Neytiri had made her way into the hut. As soon as we made eye contact, she smiled before making her way over to me.

I laughed lightly as I pulled her into a big hug. She was careful wrapping her arms around me, but returned it with similar enthusiasm. "I'm so happy to see you, Neytiri. How have you been? Is Jake doing alright?"

She pulled back in order to look at me, keeping a hold of my arms to not full break the contact. Neytiri continued smiling as she spoke softly, "I have been well. Jake is doing better after resting for a while. He is actually supervising training today. How are you? Do you need to sit down?"

"I've been sitting all day so standing is actually a nice change of pace. What are you doing here? I wasn't expecting anyone to come over."

"Tsu'tey actually found me before he left with the hunting party. He asked me to check on you to make sure..." Neytiri's voice slowly faded as her eyes went to trail down to my arm. She moved her hand to grab hold of my shoulder as she looked at my throat. Her expression was hard to read as Neytiri continued to remain focused at the necklace Tsu'tey had give me. I began to get nervous as she continued to say nothing. Finally, a small smile broke out on her face as she whispered, "You agreed."

After that, I was wrapped in a tight hug being rocked back and forth gently. I laughed in relief, happy that Neytiri was excited for me as well. Holding on to her, I sigh before a confused look crossed my face. Pulling away enough to look at her, I was quiet as I asked, "You knew about it?"

Neytiri remained calm as I waited for her answer. She had a gentle smile as she ran a gentle finger across the beads. "Of course. Tsu'tey had asked Jake if he could court you beforehand to get his blessing. He even asked what colors you liked so he could make your gift. Oh, Jake will be so happy to hear this. You are in good hands with Tsu'tey. I promise you that (Y/n)."

I smiled at her words, touched by how thoughtful Tsu'tey had been before he decided to court me. The fact that he went to make sure Jake was willing to agree that he was a worthy person made my heart feel warm.

Neytiri rubbed my arm as she hesitated to ask, "Have you made tsaheylu yet?"

I gave a small shake of my head at her question. "No, we agreed that we were going to wait until I got well enough. He wants to do it properly and so do I."

She gave a thoughtful hum at my response. "That is a very good idea. Tsu'tey probably wants to prove himself as well. Show he that can provide you and the family you both might have one day. He has already given you the home to do so. He wants to make this perfect for you so you will still accept when you do make tsaheylu."

I smiled at the thought of Tsu'tey trying so hard to prove himself to me. He had already put so much thought into be a good partner, I couldn't even begin to imagine what he would be like once we finally mated. Bringing my hand to my neck, I slowly fidget with the arrowhead as I continue thinking.

Moving back towards the basket I had previously forgotten about, I motion for Neytiri to sit with me. Bringing the basket back to my lap, I begin weaving once again as we just enjoy the company of one another. I begin to hum a random melody as I got to be about halfway done.

"Have you thought much of the future?" My hands stop moving at the sudden question. I look over at Neytiri in confusion, not fully understanding what she meant. Noticing my expression, Neytiri was quick to explain, "Have you put much thought into what will happen once you have mated? I know it is much to think about, but you need to imagine your life far into the future. Mostly for if you will want children or not. Tsu'tey has been keen on becoming a father for a long time. If you don't want children, you need to speak with him now so that he knows beforehand."

Letting out a sigh, I put the basket off to the side. Reaching out, I place a hand on her arm. Looking deep into her eyes, I make sure to keep my voice soft, "Neytiri, I promise that I will talk with him. And I have thought about what you have concerns about. Believe me, I know how serious the situation is and I'm not taking it lightly."

A look of relief crosses over her face at my words. She pulled me towards her, giving me a small hug. Wrapping my arms around her, I rub her back as we sit in silence. For a while, we just hold one another before we hear some noise coming up the tree. We both pull away as we wait to see who it was that was coming to visit.

Not a minute had passed before both Tsu'tey and Jake had made it into the hut. Jake was the first to see the both of us, a wide grin on his face as he walked over to us. "Well if it isn't my two favorite girls! I'm so glad that we found you. Who would have thought we could find the both of you here."

I give Jake a confused look, wondering if he thought the statement through or not. Looking over at Neytiri, I see that she has a similar expression, though hers also has a hint of disappointment in it. Leaning over, I whisper in her ear, "Remember, you chose him out of everyone else that was available."

She let's out a sigh as she nods her head. "Believe me, I know."

Jake comes over to us with a curious grin on his face. Sitting down in front of Neytiri, he looked between the both of us while asking, "What are you both talking about?"

I shrug my shoulders as I look back over at him. "Nothing important." Turning my attention to Tsu'tey, I notice he had moved to put away all his gear and whatever he had brought back. I sent him a small smile as he started to walk towards us. "How was the hunt?"

Tsu'tey gave a tight lipped smile as he looked down at me. Giving a small nod, he sat down with the rest of us. "It went very well. The clan will have enough meat to last for sometime. Were you alright while I was gone?"

I gave a small nod in return. As I opened my mouth to ask some more questions, Jake interrupted me. "What's on your neck?"

I give him a look of disbelief as I sarcastically respond, "A necklace. You're just now seeing it?"

Jake looked at it for a long while, before turning to Tsu'tey. He has a stupid grin on his face as he looks between the two of us. "So, you finally decided to tie the knot huh?"

Leaning forward, I hit Jake's forehead with a small hiss, "Don't say it like that you idiot. And it is none of your business."

Jake backed away with a surprise look on his face. He held on hand up as he leaned away on the other. "Hey, you don't have to be so rude. Also, I feel like it is a bit of my business considering that you're my sister, (Y/n). I already knew anyway, I just thought you would be able to take a joke about it."

"I'm sorry, Jake. I must have left my humor back up in the tree." I gave a small glare towards Jake, though it's contrasted by a playful smile on my face.

"I said I was sorry! Can't we just move past that?" He had a pleading look on his face, though I knew he wasn't being serious. I shook my head with a small eye roll. Seeing my reaction, Jake smiled as he moved so he was sitting upright again. Placing a hand on my knee, his tone was still playful but mostly serious, "Honestly though, I'm glad that you are feeling better. I felt really bad about what happened."

I pushed his hand away with a grin. Picking my basket up once again, I returned to working on it. "I'm glad you're fine as well. But next time you have an idea, stay out of trees."

Jake laughs a bit, but nods his head in agreement. Neytiri smiles a bit as she pulls me into a sideways hug. "We should be leaving now. We will see you both again once you are completely well (Y/n). Have a good night."

Though he hesitants, Jake stands as well to follow after Neytiri. He ruffles my hair as he says his goodbyes. Once him and Neytiri had finally left, I reached out to place a hand on Tsu'tey's cheek. Looking into his eyes, my voice is soft, "I'm glad you're back home now. It felt too quiet until Neytiri had come over."

Tsu'tey grabbed my hand as he turned his head, placing his lips against my pulse point. Getting up for a moment, he comes to sit behind me. Wrapping his arms around my waist, Tsu'tey rested his chin on my shoulder. I smiled a little as I brought a hand up to rest on the back of his head. Turning slightly, I gave him a peck on the edge of his lips. He hummed in disapproval as he brought his hand up to turn my head enough for him to place his lips directly on mine. He kept me like that for a moment, slowly pulling away while maintaining his hold on my chin.

Letting out a small sigh, I lean back further into Tsu'tey's hold. I close my eyes as I begin to think about what Neytiri had spoken to me about earlier. Deciding that now would be the best time to bring it up, I break the silence while keeping my voice as calm as possible, "Tsu'tey, I think we need to have a talk." I feel him give a small hum in encouragement, ready to listen to whatever I was about to say. Taking a deep breath, I decided to just get to the point. "Do you want to have children one day?"

I felt him tense slightly as he hears my question. Tightening his hold around my waist, he let's out a quiet sigh, "I have... thought about the idea of having children."

"That's not what I asked." Opening my eyes, I move around in his hold so I can look at him without straining my neck. Resting one of my hands on his shoulder, my voice is firm as I repeat myself, "Do you want children, Tsu'tey?"

His ears pinned back as I ask him the question again. He refuses to meet my gaze as I wait for the answer. After a minute, Tsu'tey slowly nods his head. He was barely able to let out a whispered, "I would like to."

My heart broke at the sight of shame he held in his eyes. I gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze to encourage him to look back at me. But he closed his eyes instead, not wanting to see my reaction. I huff softly as I rest my head on his chest, listening to his rapid heartbeat. Thinking for a moment, I finally muttered, "I want at least two. We could always have more though if you want."

Tsu'tey's eyes widen in surprise as he looks down at me. His mouth is open but no words come out. I raise my brows with an encouraging grin as I wait for him to finally speak again. Slowly a wide smile spread across his face as he gave a small laugh. Leaning down, he began to leave kisses all over my face. Starting on my forehead, moving to my cheeks, leaving a few soft pecks on my nose, before finally leave a deep, passionate kiss against my lips. Leaning further into the kiss, a soft purr made it's way through my chest.

Reluctantly, he pulled away, both of us gasping for breath. Pressing his forehead against mine, his voice was soft, "I'm happy that you feel this way. You have feeled my heart with those words alone. I cannot wait until the moment I can make you my mate, Ma'(Y/n)."

My cheeks darken at the endearing name he called me. Moving my arms around his shoulders, I give him a loving hug while rubbing his back. "I can't wait either. I see you, Tsu'tey."

I feel a purr vibrate throughout his chest at my statement. Gripping onto me tighter, Tsu'tey rocks the both of us back and forth. Placing a soft kiss on the top of my head, he stayed like that as he move a hand to rest on the back of my neck. "And I see you, (Y/n)."

~Hey everyone! Sorry for the long wait for part 2. I am planning on working a bit on the Mansk series that I am writing, but I do plan on writing other oneshots or mini series as well to be a bit more active. Feel free to request anything that you can think of or if you want a part 3 where they mate. Otherwise, I have a few ideas on some things. Have a great day!