#and ive been unstable At Best & outright self destructive at worst. i cant fucking handle school under these conditions.
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I'm tired of the mood swings man like wtf is my problem
#speculation nation#it's the grief and the everything else i know#im supposed to be contacting a psychiatrist but guess what i have not been doing :p#at this rate with how bad my mental health has been & how i was nearly paralyzed with fear upon realizing school is starting soon#im half convinced i should just take another semester off lol. bc i really am not sure i wont just crash and burn again#i was taking the summer off for school bc i knew i needed the time to chill#then my cat and my uncle both fucking died & so ive had no goddamned time to chill#the week i was Supposed to be chilling i spent like half the time fighting off my demons so i could just Function#and im on academic probation bc of how hilariously badly my last semester ended#& if i enter the next semester feeling Like This i really dont think it would end well.#i think... i might email my advisor to ask if taking a semester off would fuck with my probation#or maybe i could just take one class. i dont fucking know. 2 classes on top of nearly full time work was clearly too much still#like im taking forever with school anyways might as well take it even slower if it means i wont wanna fucking kill myself lmao#like not to be flippant but that's the reality im working with here. that's the point i got to last semester.#and ive been unstable At Best & outright self destructive at worst. i cant fucking handle school under these conditions.#maybe getting meds would help. im gonna try to do that soon bc obviously this shit aint working lmao#we'll... see. either way it's obvious smth has to change. im just gonna try to do whats best for me overall.#negative/#suicide ment/#:p not to get too real or anything lol but i am on the End Of My Fucking Rope and needed to yell about it Somewhere lmao#animal death ment/
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