#and ive been invited to so many parties in the next days lmao

[chaos-coming]

Supposed to move out of my apartment tomorrow but im only like half packed and am out of spoons for the day.

Ive been getting a handle on my fatigue (more caffeine, more exercise, taking vitamin b, and i switched to a 1 week t cycle which has really helped) but im also getting a handle on respecting my limits so i dont get over-drained trying to keep up the momentum and have to spend days recovering.

I guess i will do the rest tomorrow and move most of my stuff on friday morning, the problem is my cousin cant give me the key until 9pm when he gets home from work. So i think the majority of actually miving my stuff will have to be on friday.

Not that i have so much stuff, it stresses me out when i cant carry everything in a few suitcases and backpacks. But im seriously considering calling a taxi so i dont have to make 3+ trips on the public transit for 45 min each way (its like 20 min by car and would take maybe 1 trip)

[noorengels]

reasons i am sad (friendship edition)

in year 4 my best friend invited everyone to her birthday party and not me and they all actually kept it a secret really well they almost pulled it off except she held her party in la plaza which basically is the hangout spot for families in that area i spent all my fridays there playing until midnight bc literally everyone from school would go. so i was walking home with my entire family inc grandparents and uncles and we went through la plaza and there they were! every single one of my friends at her party! apparently her mum didnt let her invite me bc apparently i hit her which i didn’t i hit another girl so her excuse is invalid and its the first time ive been so publicly excluded i cried on a bench.

in year 7 we hated this girl bc she was so fake i genuinely believe she is a psychopath like she has all the symptoms except shes in set 5 maths lol so my friend was like what if i spread a rumour about her and i was like lol do it and she did and for some reason i was blamed??? and lost all of my friends and she bullied me so hard but i didnt realise bc i was “friends” with her bc our mums were friends so shed like walk with me to lessons and talk to me while belittleing me and idk she was just a fucking bitch she made me feel so horrible like it was emotional bullying but also like telling everyone who i liked and saying lmao you literally have no friends “count how many friends you have? omg you literally cant even reach ten can you???” like in front of everyone but then shed also be really nice to me at the same time like idk it was like she was my friend but she bullied me it was so horrible saffa i hate you and the original friend who spread the rumour went on to become her best friend for like 6 years so uh hate that

managed to make friends with people not in my class in year 8! which sucked bc saffa had alienated people in my class so now they all just didnt like me i was the weird girl with no friends because of her and it was so horrible bc id always be forced to join the ready made groups between friends by the teacher  bc i didnt have a group to work with or id get paired with the weird girl like i was only the weird girl after saffa made everyone hate me this girl was weird bc she just is idk 

in year 10 they made a gc without me! i basically created that group tho like i gathered these friends i hade made in different lessons (obviously not in my main class lol) and they literally just??? decided to exclude me for no reason. and then theyd talk about what they talked about in the gc in front of me like “omg remember last night on the gc” isha ur so fucking boring no normal person talks about their gc with the same people again do u have no other conversational points smh

in year 11 it got so bad to the point where once i sat with them and they all just left! like they took their stuff and moved to the table behind me i wanted to cry so bad i did at home i think its the worst one out of all of these because it happened to my face? idk saffa was horrible too but this was just “were leaving” idk like ive never felt as horrible as i did in that moment i cant even describe how im feeling rn reliving it

its okay bc i made friends with my best friend from sciences + history bc our surnames are next to each other so we always sat together! i honestly clung to this girl after that bc i refused to spend a second longer with that other group after 3 years of enduring not even being liked by ur friends so i made friends with her friends which was easy bc yes! 

so by the first term of year 12 i had three friends! in fact one of them was like ur not having a birthday party??? im taking u out to eat so my first birthday event thing in literally years was all thanks to arun i am honestly so grateful for him he didnt even go bc he was busy and we planned it the day before my birthday but it was literally me and two friends eating pizza at zizzis and im crying so much rn but year 12 was when i found people who genuinely cared about me

we established a group of like 8 lol and were planning a holiday for the end of year 13! very skam of us! we had a gc and everything! we were gonna go to spain bc im spanish so i could speak!

this trip was unspoken of in year 13 and i was like lol kinda weird um okay but nope nothing weird about it they just created a chat without me and were still going to spain!!! one of them even sent me screenshots of their airbnb to translate its like u want me to know lol

i did complain to one of them but thats it i was just hurt on my own and coronavirus happened so it got cancelled anyways so i won really

in yr 13 i also got closer to this boy called adam! i remember my friend was like you two would get on so well idk why ur not friends and i was like idk its adam lol do i really want to and yes i did bc he is in fact the isak to my sana! but anyways i hate him but i love him we have that kinda friendship where were alwAYS trying to beat the other one up and honestly the most heart felt goodbye when schools shut was between us both bc at first we were fighting and then he just stopped and his eyes softened and i was like whats wrong with you why arent u punching me and he went come here and we hugged and its like wow despite being a dick ill miss you

anyways so uhhh quarantine we skyped often it was fun and then restrictions were lifted i went to spain and the second i land they all stop talking in the gc????? like im abroad not dead why are u creating a new one??? this gc was agressively spammed so i know for a fact theres another im not stupid

i come back from spain and theyre like can we meet!!! we meet three weeks later and theyr like i missed u so much im so happy uou came i love you and it felt really genuine like they genuinely missed me

two days later i find out through snapchat theyve all gone on holiday together!!!!!!!!!!!!! all of them and just ofc didnt invite me they went to the beach for two days and kept posting about it and im so bitter about it like bro???????? why so secretive????? like i cried so much when i saw bc they still just idk why does every single friendgroup ive ever been in exclude me like i must be the problem theres no other explanation for it i am not the kind of person people want to have around i am so funny but im a bitch and will come for ur ass because i have the inability to lie i have no filter either which i know makes them dislike me i know it does but thats the price you oay for being my friend i just say things as it is becauxe i hate secrets bc secrets are always about excluding me so i rather be honest and upfront but that clearly puts people off bc im too upfront and im not getting a personality transplant im not tryna be boring but im so sick of always being the one on her own

adam was relevant uh hews my only friend rn he checked up on me the other day so cheers adam for making sure im not completely isolated

the funny thing is that all my friends hate adam bc “hes a dick” hes not he just says things how it is were so similar so if they hate adam they hate me and im over being hated lol bye!

i start uni next week and i clearly have no social skills so im not gonna make friends im so scared of being lonely i hate being left out

this went from sad to full on angry like i was crying at some point and now im fuming like im so hot rn my blood pressure isnt doing okay

[idedicatethisblogtodestiel]

150 for the hella cute questions?

Who was the last person you held hands with?2. Are you outgoing or shy?

shy man i hate people3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

JOJO SIWA4. Are you easy to get along with?

depends. im noice but i choose not to hang with people? if that makes sense5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

no one lmao6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

anyone thats not me but also democrat 7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

nah8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

ryan my friend9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Y E P10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

probably my sister11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

me too lmao 12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

idk i dont listen to new songs?????? AAAAAAH 

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

yes unless but not if its in my face14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

LMAO LUCK IS REAL HOW DO YOU THINK DUMB PEOPLE GET FAMOUS?15. What good thing happened this summer?

i dont remember 16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

lmao no fuck them17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

UH YEAH...OBVIOUS18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

idek who it was19. Do you like bubble baths?

yes but they are bad for you vag so i dont do it20. Do you like your neighbors?

ew no. 21. What are you bad habits?

i have OCD so i guess my compulsions22. Where would you like to travel?

israel, UK, Poland, Canada, Austrailia23. Do you have trust issues?

YUP24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

coffee25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

stomach then boobs then arms and then pretty much everything else26. What do you do when you wake up?

eat breakfast while watching youtube

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

im ok with it now?28. Who are you most comfortable around?

my parents/siblings29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

yeah lmao30. Do you ever want to get married?

that’s gonna be a no from me dog31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

ya32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

team free will, chris’ (evans, pratt, pine)33. Spell your name with your chin.

no.34. Do you play sports? What sports?

i used to play volleyball 35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

music. WATCH MUSIC ON THE TV.36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

all the damn time.37. What do you say during awkward silences?

nothing.38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

OKOKOKOKOKOKOKOKO....

black curly hair, pun and meme connoisseur, loves dogs, loves horror movies

my aesthetic boy type is: people who look like kurtis conner basically39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

American Eagle, Bath and Body Works, Victoria Secret. But i go into forever 21 to just hate on everything then leave without buying stuff.40. What do you want to do after high school?

im in college now and im majoring in anthropology41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

depends on the severity of the sin/crime42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

im seriously traumatized and have shut down.43. Do you smile at strangers?

yeah i feel bad if i dont 44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

outerspace45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

the fact it costs money to live so i have to get up if i want money46. What are you paranoid about?

nothing much anymore I have meds for paranoia now47. Have you ever been high?

no i got asthma48. Have you ever been drunk?

yeah its fun49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

no im an average person i dont do weird things50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

green!51. Ever wished you were someone else?

YEAH WTF DOESNT EVERYONE?52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

how i look53. Favourite makeup brand?

tarte or benfit54. Favourite store?

starbucks55. Favourite blog?

animatedtext56. Favourite colour?

GREEEEEEN I ONLY WEAR GREEN AND BLACK57. Favourite food? 

sushi 58. Last thing you ate?

ice cream59. First thing you ate this morning?

i think cereal60. Ever won a competition? For what?

volleyball and county art contest61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

i got expelled for not wearing sleeves when i had self harm scars62. Been arrested? For what?

no63. Ever been in love? 

ya :/64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

too long but it wasnt awkward and it was on the harbor with an emo guy65. Are you hungry right now?

nah im constipated66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

i dont have tumblr friends :////////////67. Facebook or Twitter?

twitter 68. Twitter or Tumblr?

tumblr69. Are you watching tv right now?

no youtube70. Names of your bestfriends? 

Abbey Mell Nikki71. Craving something? What?

to shit tbh72. What colour are your towels?

white and purple and blue72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

373. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? 

embarassing but ya74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

idk i have several stored so im guessing 40-45?75. Favourite animal?

piggies raccoons dogs 76. What colour is your underwear?

white and black77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

chocolate78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

cinnamon, blueberry, bubblegum, chocolate covered strawberries, oreo79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

green80. What colour pants?

black81. Favourite tv show?

S U P E R N A T U R A L

82. Favourite movie?

lots final destination and heathers83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

mean girls84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

mean girls85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

karen smith86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

dont like finding nemo so idk87. First person you talked to today?

my parents88. Last person you talked to today?

my parents SORRY IM LAME89. Name a person you hate?

trump, rosie, loren, danielle, jacob, pence, so many more90. Name a person you love?

my dog remington91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

always92. In a fight with someone?

no93. How many sweatpants do you have?

394. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

10????95. Last movie you watched?

greta- not very good96. Favourite actress?

winon ryder97. Favourite actor?

all the chris’ and all of supernatural actors change my fucking mind.98. Do you tan a lot?

never99. Have any pets?

1 dog100. How are you feeling?

sad :/101. Do you type fast?

yep102. Do you regret anything from your past?

MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE103. Can you spell well?

???? like grammar or spell the word well104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

always105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

no ive never been invited anywhere i was bullied a lot106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

yeah felt really bad, i rejected someone’s homecoming invite107. Have you ever been on a horse?

yeah as a baby108. What should you be doing?

homework109. Is something irritating you right now?

everything110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

have you seen my account?111. Do you have trust issues?

yup112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

my parents113. What was your childhood nickname?

mosh, moshi, mashalala114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

yep to oregon washington hawaii and colorado and poland and germany115. Do you play the Wii?

used to116. Are you listening to music right now?

no117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

ye118. Do you like Chinese food?

YE119. Favourite book?

probably beastly i read that so many times and how to ruin your boyfriends reputations120. Are you afraid of the dark?

nah121. Are you mean?

idk122. Is cheating ever okay?

I’d say no123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

NOPE124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

haha no.125. Do you believe in true love?

doubt it but it’s possible126. Are you currently bored?

no127. What makes you happy?

S U P E R N A T U R A L

128. Would you change your name?

probably 129. What your zodiac sign?

gemini130. Do you like subway?

it’s aight131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

i wouldnt date a friend132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

sister133. Favourite lyrics right now?

hey hey mama just the way you move gonna make you sweat gon make you move134. Can you count to one million?

i refuse135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

i cant my blood hurts136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

closed137. How tall are you?

5′7″-5′8″138. Curly or Straight hair?

wavy139. Brunette or Blonde?

brunette orange140. Summer or Winter?

summer141. Night or Day?

night142. Favourite month?

october143. Are you a vegetarian?

no144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

dark145. Tea or Coffee?

both!146. Was today a good day?

it’s aigh147. Mars or Snickers?

snickers148. What’s your favourite quote?

“they may forget what you did or what you said but never how you made them feel”149. Do you believe in ghosts?

yup150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? 

im too lazy(via itsgracesdrunkmametown)

[maternalcube]

i did an art summary so now im doing a fic summary. i was tagged by @jamthedingus also!! ive never done one of these before!! lets go!!!

Rest (13106)

Keith & Lance's Island Adventure (20631)

Atlantis (10014 words)

The Way to a Man’s Heart (6858 words)

nobody's business (2096 words)

leave, and take (557 words)

dead girl walking (1661 words)

the course of fate (1039 words)

who ya gonna call (465 words)

come here often? (806 words)

til kingdom come (1950 words)

stars in the sky (pt 2) (5404 words)

a song of falling (630 words)

Eyes to the Sky (3683 words)

Feet on the Ground (4050 words)

Divergence (6669 words)

homecoming (1426 words)

Window of Opportunity (11144 words)

along that wilderness of glass (3801 words)

string theory (2327 words)

Katt Week (1062 words)

The Pining-Plant (3860 words)

at the end of many worlds (21684 words)

you're my home (19646 words)

Believe Me (3177 words)

Starchild (3568 words)

Summer Heat (2285 words)

third time's the charm (5349 words)

Blackbird (59546 words)

The Sixth Planet (9444 words)

all the infinite realities (1197 words)

Total Fics: 31! (plus one i posted anonymously lmao) Total Words: 229999! (except parts of string theory and the sixth planet were actually posted last year... but still, what a number)

more under the cut!

Ship/character breakdown: i didnt filter out my prompt collection or abandoned wips here so /shrug Ship breakdown:

klance - 6 sheith - 5 shance - 5 katt - 4 heith - 3 pallura - 2 and one each of plance, kallura, allurance, shatt, shkatt, kidge, kidgance, and shunk. and keiths parents lol. let it never be said i am not a multishipper.

and i know gen isnt a ship but it tied with klance at 6 (plus whatevers in the prompt collection) which was a surprise

Character breakdown: man if theres a way to get ao3 to show me ALL the stats, i dont know it. but.

keith - 25 (shocker) shiro - 23 lance - 21 pidge - 17 hunk - 16 allura - 12 matt - 12 and then coran and sam are at 4, and zarkon ats 3 and presumably many others are at 3 or less

Characters that had the main focus: well ~9 were from keiths pov, and ~5 each from shiro and lances povs. i think i also had ~5 from multiple points of view. its safe to say that keith has my heart tho lol

Specifics:

Best/worst title? Best title: i still like “at the end of many worlds.” i weirdly still like “Blackbird” too even if it has nothing to do with anything... Worst title: “Rest.” :/ also like all of the abandoned wips bc i didnt care. and “Keith & Lance's Island Adventure.″ some of my zine fic titles were also... bad. im bad at titles.

Best/worst first line?

Best: Keith & Lance's Island Adventure. ok the title is bad but this line? this really sets the tone for whole fic. you know what youre getting yourself into here.

When Pidge invited Keith to a fully-funded graduation party aboard the Holt family boat (“the smaller one, anyway,” she’d said), this is not exactly what he'd pictured: three of them standing on a wobbly dock, packed bags at their feet, sky cloudy and gray, while the Holt siblings stand on a little ledge off the back of the boat and deny entry.

Worst: ive got two for this lol

at the end of many worlds: even i have to read this a couple times to figure out what i was trying to say. at least you know youre in for pain...

Keith’s mother shows up to interrupt movie night often enough that, this time, Keith almost doesn’t realize anything’s wrong. Almost, because she’s silhouetted by the movie, but she’s clutching her arm and panting for breath, and in the thin edge of light around her he sees a wet and vibrant red.

Divergence: because all your friends being dead is EXACTLY like losing at dodgeball. yeah, theres a reason i abandoned this one.

Hunk always hated playing dodgeball. Not because he was bad at it--though he was--but because he always ended up the last one standing, and therefore the only target for the entire other team. It was due to a tendency to hang unnoticed in the back, he knew, but that didn't change the sickening, empty feeling of looking around and realizing there's no one left but him, and there's no way he can win. Only wait for the inevitable.

This, Hunk decides, is a lot like that, only, like, a billion times worse.

Best/worst last line?

Best: The Pining-Plant. there are a few others that were cute too but this one is also good out of context so

And then the pod swishes open and he's scrambling to catch Pidge as she stumbles out. She clings to his arms to steady herself and his heart swells.

"Falling for me again, huh?" he asks, and she groans loudly.

"Let me go, I'm getting back in the pod," she says, and he laughs. He doesn't let go, and neither does she.

Worst: if im bad at titles, im worse at endings. most are bad. i suspect the ending to “Rest” is terrible but i cant bring myself to even open that shit again so: Believe Me. if weather were a recurring theme in this fic, itd be fine, but as is its just... a weird note to end the fic on lmao

Hunk rocks back on his heels. "We aren't counting this as our official first date, right?"

"I dunno," Keith says, and now he smiles at the rain instead of frowning. It shows no sign of easing up, but whatever—they're soaked anyway. "This seems pretty good to me."

“...All right.” If nothing else, it’ll make a good story. And, Hunk had to admit—he’s pretty happy with how it’s turned out, rain and all.

But next time, he's double-checking the forecast, just in case.

General questions:

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

more than i expected! considering ive been in grad school all year!! i wrote about the same amount wordcount-wise in 2017 which i spent only half in school so. idk how i managed it.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

the anonymous fic was a surprise but im not gonna talk about that lol. otherwise... nah, its all been my usual stuff.

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

blackbird, probably. i like working on that one. summer heat was also fun, id sort of forgotten about it bc it was a zine fic but coming back to it, i really liked it. likewise with third time’s the charm. and i like t6p a lot even if i kinda hate drawing for it :’)

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

depends on your metric. window of opportunity has the most kudos, keith and lance’s island adventure has the most hits, and t6p has the most comments and subscriptions. 

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

AT THE END OF MANY WORLDS. oh man i killed myself over that fic. it was important to me. but i think the mcd scared everyone off :’)

Story that could have been better?

i realize “all of them” is kind of a cop out answer but like

Sexiest story?

i have written nothing sexy, ever, in my whole life

Saddest story?

i mean, ateomw. considering all the death. blackbird def has its moments too.

Most fun?

i feel like i answered this in the favorite story q lmao. you’re my home also gets a shoutout, that thing was,, super self-indulgent lmao. and id be lying if i said i didnt have fun with parts of ateomw, even if its mostly sad.

Story with single sweetest moment?

man i write a lot of fluff but so much of you’re my home is just tooth-rotting. heres part of the proposal scene lmao

"Lance!" Keith yelps, barely rescuing the ring from falling into the sand with them. Lance pushes himself up on his arms, silhouetted by the sun and glowing with it.

"Really?" he asks breathlessly.

"Yeah," Keith says, and maybe he should've prepared something to say, that's a thing people do, right? Hell, he's winging it. "I know we can't stay here on Earth forever, 'cause we're paladins, and there's still stuff out there we gotta do. And I know you probably want to stay because this is your home—but you're my home, and if we gotta go, at least you'll have me, good or bad." He grins crookedly. "Or rocket science. Whatever happens, I'll be there."

Hardest story to write?

well t6p gets a shoutout, but its not the writing thats the hard part for that. uhhh ive struggled with parts of blackbird. i remember k&l’s island adventure giving me a LOT of trouble, i think i posted late lol

Easiest/most fun story to write?

anything short uhhh for all the infinite realities, i kind of just sat down the other day (actually i was in bed but) and was like “im gonna write this” and then in the morning i just sat down and wrote it in one go. i dunno if id call it fun, but it was easy. t6p is super fun to write but, as mentioned, drawing it sucks.

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

no... my perceptions probably have shifted but not due to anything i wrote in particular. i did talk myself into liking allurance with a prompt fill, though, but im not sure that was 2018...

Most overdue story?

all the infinite realities lmao. at the end of many worlds needed that happy ending. and another shoutout to t6p, because thats been going on over a year and im still nowhere.

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

does posting my abandoned wips count? ive still got some of those hanging around... blackbird was a bit of a risk bc my last longfic was written while i was unemployed and out of school, so like i had the time for it, and now i kinda dont. still chugging tho. ateomw b/c of all the death but it turns out i really like writing whump woops. and writing any sort of kissing always feels like a risk bc i suck at it but im getting better lol... i hope...

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

write more! finish things! do more sheith! i really want to work on this sheith longfic i came up with the other day... but i want to get blackbird over with first.

Tagging: eh! do it if you want to!

[skizmin]

minghao!soulmate au

prompt: if someone touches you, your soulmate feels warm where you’ve been touched and can sense how you feel about the contact (uncomfortable, calm etc;)

genre: fluff soooo much fluff, soulmates!au, very very brief and vague ment of sexual harassment its tiny pls dont be put off, college!au

a/n: hey minghao, i miss you, please rest lots and become healthy for seventeens next comeback!!

okay so

throughout your younger years youve never really paid much attention to your soulmate, ofc your parents told you when you were about four that the weird warm things you were feeling was your “one true love that you’ll meet later” and whatnot

i mean of course youd chuckle sometimes when your cheeks got all warm and an annoyed feeling fleetingly passed through you knowing your soulmate must be being coddled by one of his aunts or smth 

but other than that

you just went on with your life

it wasnt until you were sixteen did you start paying more attention to it

sometimes youd get a bit worried when youd feel a warm spot on your arm and a surge of slight anger in your heart but it was always quickly replaced by happiness

you knew it was his friends hitting him by then so you just chilled tf

even when you felt your ass became VERY warm, you felt the same anger/happiness flow through your body so you just shook the fact that your soulmates ass just got BEAt off and continued what you were doing. 

youll have junhui to thank for that later

so by the time you were going into university you had become very aware of the fact that your soulmate was barely ever getting hugs anymore

and you just :^((( poor bby

and an idea popped into your head like !!!

my soulmate feels warm when i get hugged akdfksjla

instantly you were like IM GONNA HUG EVERYONE!!!!! EVEN IF ITS AWKWARD

so like, first day on campus housing grounds you found your dorm house and with that your RA housemate

she was cool and you where like hhhhhhh

i barely know you but

i have this duty of care for my soulmate so im just gonna

and you hugged her rly big and you felt uncomfortable at first but also so proud of yourself like wow

get you a girl like me ;^))

anyway your housemate is like “oooooookay, this is your room here and its just us and three others who’re already here”

youre awkwardly like cool okay see u later

amd ur blushing rly hard but hey at least you did it

anyway fast forward a couple weeks and youre like hugging all your new friends everytime you see them and theyre like wow shes clingy but they still luv you

and youre!!

so!!

comfortable!!

abt doing it now like “hey hugs????? hugs are my shit.” ya feel?

cut over to minghao whos going to the same university as you with junhui

they both moved from china and minghao misses his fam so much :^(((

particuarly his mums hugs which he got all the time and sometimes he thought it was annoying but now hes like hhhh

MUM BRING ME BACK

minghaos mum was also rly open about haos soulmate and loved hearing about her

like one day hao came home (age 18???) fuming bc he felt his chest get warm in class and then his butt and a really strong feeling of fear and uncomfort and disgust filled him and he immediately knew what happened but he didnt feel anything else after that and he was so glad but still and his mum was like hao that happens to girls :^((( im sorry your soulmate must feel awful rn 

and hao felt sick in his stomach and he was like “im gonna kill anyone that does that to my soulmate again mum !!!!!!!!

and his mum was so proud

anyway hes almost fluent in korean by now and luckily junhui is good at making friends and found some that speak madarin and korean too so!!

their new friend jackson and some others are constantly with hao and hui being like “no that means square, this is how you say suspense” n shit

and hao learnt rly easily!! so did hui!! anyway

lately hao has been feeling his soulmate hug a lot of people lately and hed be rly happy except hes sorta 

“is my soulmate dating someone rn?? :^((” 

and hed remind himself you can date whoever you want before you meet him 

but hed still be all emo bc he wants love too and he misses his family and hes in a foreign country and hes failing one of his subjects bc how is he supposed to know all the non latin korean terms for all the flowers and plants they get pop quizzes on

and he just wants to hurry up and meet you bc hes all 

“everythings gonna be fine when i meet my soulmate!!!!!! theyre gonna make everything perfect for me!!!!!”

like, hao sweetie

calm down

but he’d be so determined like legit whenever junhui was with him and they were around people he’d be like JUNHUI TOUCH MY ARM

and he’d look around frantically for someone being like “tf my arm is warm gosh dang wonder what my soulmates up to lol” but he’d be a bit disappointed every time.

anyway tho so jackson invites him and junhui to his friend jaes party after teaching them all the korean slang shit

legit hes like

“guys. i think youre ready for your first party”

junhui nearly cries

little does he know youre??? invited to the same one by your housemate jimin (jyp gang here we go)

anyway you go to the party and are determined like legit hugging everyone you meet and jimins next to you like

im rly sorry about her dont ask

and minghaos in the kitchen like!!!! wth my soulmate keeps hugging people junhui smh smh 

he’s slightly buzzed and hella jealous

anyway he goes to the loungeroom for a sec to find his friend sicheng who just messaged that he was here 

and wow best luck ever you walk up to junhui and jae and meet them both!! youre all 

JAEE THANKS FOR HAVING THIS PARTY IM Y/N and you give him the biggest hug and then you turn to junhui whos all

hi im junhui

and smiling awkwardly and youre like

NICE TO MEET YOU!!!!!

and give him an even bigger hug than you gave jae and jae and jimin are watching you like wtf and junhuis like awkwardly patting your back and IN COMES MINGHAO WHOS GETTING SICHENG A DRINK

hes like jeSuS chRiSt how many time does she have to hug her s/o in the span of an hour!!!!!!!!

and he feels random extra warmth spurt on his back and hes like what sort bf/gf pats their s/os back lmao and then he seens you hugging junhui and he like

pauses for a second 

then hes like haha gtta be a coincidence that i can see a georgeous random stranger hugging my best friend in the same way i can feel my soulmate hugging someone rn

amd junui sees hao and a wave of relief passes over him and he grabs your shoulders and pushes you away like

MINGHAO HEY!!

and you turn around as junhuis like “this is y/n, friend of a friend of jacksons ad jaes”

and minghaos like HOLY SHIT I FELT THAT MY SHOULDERS JUST GREW WARM

and then you meet eyes with the most goRGEOUS boy youve ever seen like HOW can someone look like that

and as soon as you meet eyes your body just gets soWARM and your heart like

fuckin swells and shit

and youre like ohmygodohmygod whats happening

and hes looking at you with the widest eyes ever and everyones like “wow they must find each other pretty hot theyre just staring at each other”

and suddenly minghao grabs sichengs hand and just places it on his chest and sichengs like wtf no homo

and you feel warmth on your chest and a surge of shock, excitement and hopefulness rush through your blood but the first thing you say is

WTF YOU PERV as youre grabbing your chest and junhui finally catches on and walks up and pokes you in the stomach and you yelp and minghao just touches the warm spot on his stomach and smiles SO wide

he legit runs up to you like OHMYGOD YOURE MY SOULMATE TELL ME EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU IVE DREAMT OF MEETING YOU MY WHOLE LIFE 

and he goes to hug you but stops himself

by now everyones gone to give you some privacy 

and youre like wot!!!!! hug me!!!!!!

but he just says “dont you have a partner?? im not doing anything with you until you and them break up” he ain no homewrecker sweeties no cheating in this household

and youre just like

????????? what ?????????

“youre always hugging your partner!! its hard not t notice, youre so proud after too :^(((”

and you start laughing

hes just pouting at you like whattttttttttttt

you say in between laughs

im hugging people for you!!! you havent been getting hugs lately, and i like it when you get hugs i love the feeling so i thought id hug a bunch of people so you could feel warm anf fuzzy inside!!!

he looks at you like,,,,,, oh,,,,,,

and then he swoops you into the biggest bear hug ever and you feel warm and fuzzy except its not the same. it feels so

so real??????

you almost start crying and then he pulls away looking teary eyed too

“y/n was it??? im minghao. and im looking forward to hugging you and being with you for the rest of my life.”

youve never smiled wider as you jumped into him and gave him your first kiss while thinking of how great your future was gonna be.

fin.

hope yall liked that shit!!!!!!

[voyeuristicvixen]

Captains Log 12_ Makin Frwends On The Grid

Bae and  I got invited to our first Bday party this weekends on the grid for SirGhost and it was poppin! It felt really good to be included and like we are growing to be apart of the community on the grid. Since my first times on SL back in the day 10 yrs ago it was a place where you could find people sitting around and talking usually. I realize now how that was a whole other generation of people. Those were usually elders that I would find in hippie communities that would do that. SL is really as vast as RL but smaller in a way. Its quite amazing how many communities exsist in SL that wouldnt otherwise be able to thrive in RL. Like now they have the burner community in SL and they are able to do way more and expand in ways they wouldnt have been able to. Its quite amazing we have a whole other world of our own making. Bae and I are excited to make new friends on the grid.

I told him that the more we spend time and people register our energy the easier it will be. Its like testing the waters right now... he has been approaching people being friendly and kind like he usually is and some folks are just not as receptive to making friends right away. I was explaining the many toxic reasons why people become hardened to friendship on SL. The right people will feel our authentic vibes and be cool with us. We are also on facebook too! He wrote a cute little post the other day being sad he hasnt made friends yet, thinking that men would actually respond and it turned into a thrist trap post lmao! I am never gunna let him live it down... maybe someday....I am such a troll XD

Bae: I have been here a month and no friends yet!?!

FBThotties: Add me on the grid baaaby Illl be your friiiiiieeeeeennndddddddddd

He even said to them he had a Gf (like it aint plastered on his page lmao) people are savage on SL lmao they use it to unleash their shadow self in a way where they feel comfortable not getting face to face confrontation allows people on the internet to wild out its crazy. Thats one thing you always have to sift through making friends in SL, theres a gauge you must develop about which people are using it as an extension of life and not a replacement. But I am someone who over stands all the reasons for being on SL, ultimately I try not to judge. It is so interesting for me to read profiles and learn about people and their motivations for being here. SL recently for me as been a way to help me through my grieving and through these times of uncertainty has brought me some peace to my anxiety.

Reasons Ive Personally Noticed That Ppl Join SL - People are narcissists who need victims - In RL people feel neglected/unaccepted in some way - People are following their friends from other virtual worlds - There for RP - To date and meet a potential partner - To make six figure money creating - To make friends with ppl around the world so they can have travel plans - Disabilities in RL keep them from certain experiences - To troll and grieve because it is easy for them here - To play DOM or SUB - For Sex and to hire sexworkers - To expand sexwork platform - To learn new things and meet new people - For music - For the fashion - To blog and be seen - To play a celebrity - To gain clout and have a platform - Grieving a loss - Depression or other mental issues that are being repressed - To find their tribe - To join/ build virtual family

 Making friends on SL has always been fun for me but also it can be hard, so many of my old sl friends were elder hippies who have since passed away or left SL. Sometimes people disappear that you spent significant time with on the grid and I feel that could be a reason some folks have a hard time connecting... when you make friends and they go ghost its a strange feeling in SL. I myself have probably been that person and lost friends because I disappeared. I used to try and at least log on to leave messages to the people I really cared about. I still think about old friends Ive lost and where they are now... This next time I want to be a better friend and really cherish the people I meet as the RL people they are. I want to be more vigilant about communicating if I am not going to be around I will not let my next friend be hanging wondering if im dead. The worst. I am sorry to the people I left behind and let down in the past.  I am grateful to have my boo with me now, he is my friend first. We laugh and party and get down!

I got back into DJing and my bae has got into it too! We both have different styles when it comes to playing music and I am super excited for the opportunities that will come from us sharing music jamming and hosting events! If you are reading this and interested in hearing us spin or hanging out feel free to hit me up!! And invite us to your party!! Add me on facebook and ig!

[reapers-carino]

Mind if I made a request of angst situation with Mccree, shimada bos, and 76' ( you can add in anyone if you want ), of their s/o died of child birth?

((I may have broken my own heart writing this. Why you make me do this anon….it’s okay, I’m going to share this pain, I’m also just going to say Mercy isn’t hear for any of these cuz…resurrection lmao))

McCree

You had been weak throughout the entire pregnancy, but you had insisted that you wanted this

You both didn’t really grow up with families so it was really important for you two to build your own together

The baby came early, you were 33-weeks along. You collapsed and it’s unknown how much time had passed until they found you

The fetus was in distress, your heart rate was weak and thready

You came to and were told that it was either you or the baby; the baby needed to be delivered asap but it was unsure if your body could handle it

McCree was absolutely heartbroken and he had never seemed more lost

You took his hand and told him that the baby would be a symbol of your love, that it was important to save your child first and that you would be strong enough to survive the surgery

He was so reluctant to okay the preterm delivery but with your convincing he said okay

The baby was small, you both getting a brief moment to see her before the baby was rushed off to the NICU

All of a sudden the monitors began to beep and you started to slip under and he was pushed out of the way but refused to leave the room

He is literally begging the doctors to save you and begging you to hold on and begging any god that would listen to save you

You slip away and he is just screaming no, that there was something that they could have done, that Mercy would have saved you

His screaming turns to crying as he holds your body and is begging you to come back, to not leave him, to not leave us and the family you both had made

He has to be sedated so that your body can be taken, he doesn’t go to the funeral

After Maria is given the okay to go, he disappears with her, sending notice that they are both alright but he doesn’t think he can do Overwatch anymore, it reminds him too much of you and he cannot even imagine leaving his daughter alone in this world without a mother or father like the both of yall had

He is given unspoken protection by both Talon and Overwatch, his families

Every year, on the anniversary of her death and Maria’s birthday, he visits your grave, has a mini party for the both of you

Eventually he comes back to Overwatch, not really to fight but so that Maria could have that family.

Even Reyes and Sombra end up seeing the baby, eventually

Hanzo

You developed severe pre-eclampsia later into your pregnancy and it had been something that the both of you had been worried about

You both believed that it had been being treated to the best of their knowledge and you had made it all the way to your due date but your blood pressure stayed concerningly high

Hanzo stayed by your side the entire time you were in labor, Genji making any runs when needed

You delivered your son and he was healthy and crying and beautiful and both you and Hanzo cried when you saw him

You begin to get a bit confused as you’re talking to Hanzo and then in the next moment you begin seizing

He is stunned, unable to say anything as they try and get your convulsions under control

Hanzo goes numb and cold when that high pitched, monotonous whine rips through the room and he isn’t able to breathe his eyes glued to the backs of the doctors that surround your hospital bed

He collapses when they call out a time of death, and dissolves into a full blown panic attack

If the doctors come near him, he screams at them to work on getting you back and to not touch him

Genji ends up being the only person that can touch him, Hanzo attempting to swing on him but his brother pulls him into a bruisingly tight hard to calm him down

He feels responsible for this, that he had not redeemed himself enough so the world thought it appropriate to take one of his most important people away

He was a murderer, why did he think he could live a happy life

He falls into a very very deep, pained depressed grief, admittedly afraid to get close to his son because what if they take him away too?

One day ends up stumbling onto a bunch of vids you had been shooting to release as a gift to Hanzo after the birth, most of them being from when he was on a mission or shot secretly while the two of you were around the house

Basically a vid saying how much you loved the both of them and that you knew Hanzo would be a great dad or how you and the baby were always rooting for him and no matter what you’d always be there for him

He cries and cries watching it but he begins to interact with his son more, trying to overcome the fear in his heart

It’s hard but he doesn’t want to insult the memory of his lost love by hurting Haruto

As he grows, Hanzo shows the video to his son so he never forgets what his mother looked like or that his mother loved him dearly

Genji

You made it full term with a clean bill of health, Genji working with Hanzo, Zenyatta and Mercy to make sure your mental, physical and spiritual health was good the entire pregnancy

Angela was scheduled away unfortunately when labor actually started

You had emphasized how much you wanted a natural birth, patting Genji’s hand as he worried over you while you went through a fairly normal labor

Shouta was born healthy and loud, Genji and you both crying almost as hard as the newborn when he was born

Hanzo and Zenyatta were there to celebrate your labor as well, being the closest family that Genji had

You were suddenly hit with a blinding headache, like the one you got when you had been kicked in the head in field

Your vision went white, then black before you completely passed out and then began to seize

The doctors rushed in, gave you anticonvulsants but that didn’t slow it, running an immediate full body scan found that an aneurysm had ruptured in your brain

Genji is stunned, becoming panicked and asking the doctors rushing around you what was happening, what could be done, are you okay

Hanzo goes to the hall and is making call after call to see if they can rush Angela back to work some kind of miracle like the one he had worked on Genji before

Zenyatta is no longer floating, he is walking, his hand is on Genji’s shoulder

Genji is mumbling, completely lost as he tries to make sense of what is happening his soul aching as he watches them intubate you, rushing you out and beginning surgery

Zenyatta is praying and Hanzo’s hand is a silent strength on Genji’s should but he never quite feels like any of this is real

An hour later the doctor comes out and says that he is very sorry but you slipped away while under

Genji absolutely loses it, he is screaming and crying, Zenyatta is holding him and Hanzo surprisingly is too

He is completely lost at what to do

Zenyatta and Hanzo assist with taking care of both him and the baby

It takes hi a while to come out of the numbness, Zenyatta’s wise words and Hanzo’s strength plus seeing Shouta who has so many pieces of you reminds him in bits and pieces that there is still a part of you that exists here

His faith was shaken but returns through support of those around him and a want to do right by the child that you both had brought into the world

Genji and you had taken hundreds upon hundreds of pictures and he is always showing them to Shouta, he wants to share your smile and energy with him as he grows

Soldier: 76

You made it to 38-weeks until you went into labor, Jack intensely worried but you comforted him saying anything after 37 would be good enough

You were in labor for just over fifteen hours when you finally began to push and were able to deliver a healthy, beautiful baby girl

Jack is crying wholeheartedly, telling you what a good job you did and how proud of you he is and saying how their daughter looks just like you

You’re tired, but happy, glad to hold your daughter against your chest but the nurse and doctors end up quietly and carefully ushering your daughter from the room

They tell you and Jack that your uterus isn’t contracting and you were bleeding much more heavily than you should have been

Jack is demanding treatment before coming back to your side, telling you that it would be alright, that you would be fine

You begin to shiver, telling him that you’re freezing, your heart rate monitor going wild with warning sounds before slipping into Class IV of hemorrhagic shock

The doctors are rushing bags of compatible blood into the room and giving you oxytocin and working hard to stop the bleeding

Jack ends up being pushed back from your body but the soldier’s mind was reeling as he tried his hardest to keep it together

But his mind is screaming at him that he should have known, he should have planned, he should have done something, he was letting you down just as he had let down his Overwatch family before

He goes into auto-pilot when the doctor tells him that you have passed, not displaying too much outward emotions, going right back to Commander mode

He had to make arrangements, he had to bring the baby home, he had to keep going, he couldn’t fucking stop because he knew the moment he did it would break him

And it did one night, Lily screaming cries filling the apartment, the child hungry but rejecting the formula that Angela had brought

Jack couldn’t figure out what to do and ended up just sitting there with his daughter who looked so much like her mother and cried with her; cried for who he had lost, cried because he felt so helpless, crying because he was just lost

Ana, Rein and Torb forcibly invite themselves to his place, Ana staying with the main for several weeks until he was actually back on his feet and not moving robotically

With their help and love and the love of the new OW agents, Lily grows up in a loving, healthy environment

[manchibabe]

Drama Club

The last two years of my life were fucking crazy. Full of drama, plot twists and things i would never dream that would happen. 

It all had started 21/01/17. It was day of my 18 birthday. I had this huge party and all my friends from middle school and high school were invited. At this party I got close to some people I haven’t been so close to since the day we met which is 2012. It was werid to me but I loved that I had new squad full of people who loved to party but also had their priorities straight. We started to hanging out together every weekend and we got really close. 

It was ‘18′s birthday party’ season so I meet a lot of new people. At one of my classmate’s parties I’ve met Tommy. It was quite crazy event. It was right before summer. Everyone got drunk and high so I kinda knew something would happen. Ive never seen myself as a girl who will make out with a boy she met at some party but well..it happend. Since that party we started dating which I must say, was kinda fun. Before Tommy I’ve never really had boyfriend (except one boy i was dating when I was 12 so). We’ve been together for like a month and he started acting out. He was jealous of my friends and wanted me to spend time only with him. It was really pissing me of so i decided to break up with him. Our break up happend right before my sister’s wedding so I kinda panicked. 

But then my friend Nick saved the day and went as my date. We’ve never really been close and only talked on parties but I had one of the best nights in my life with him. The wedding was beautiful and me and Nick started talking more to the point that in September we had become best friends. We were talking everyday and we were hanging out even without the squad (usually Josh, my best friend in the world were joining us). In the meantime I got close with another guys from our squad Ashton and Philip. Philip had some problems with a girl (also from our squad) Davina. He was in love with her but she wasn’t so sure so I was kinda like a double agent and I talked to her and to him and tried to help them solve this problem. Also I started hanging out more with Ashton. 

On december there was another party of some girl my squad didn’t really know well but be were kinda popular so she invited us idk why. It was really good party but also a lot of drama happend there. While dancing Ashton told me that he had crush on me and that he wanted me to be his girlfriend. I won’t lie. I fucking panicked. I’ve always seen him only as a friend. Also, that was the moment I realised I had crush on Nick. It was so fucked up. I needed to get some air. I went outside and saw Nick who were smoking. I got to him and we ended up dancing cuddled up. Then he sang me a song he wrote and I almost died I swear. 

On January 20/21 (exactly year after my birthday) was the day of half of my squad’s prom (we were in different school’s). Ashton asked me to be his date and I couldn’t say no even if I really wanted to go with Nick.  I could feel my heart die when I saw Nick with another girl, who turned out to be his crush. I thought that the night sucks, but of course it got worse. I was drinking wine with Davina when I looked to the table next to ours and I saw....Tommy. When he saw Ashton’s arm around me (Ashton was really drunk so I let him put his hand around me) he almost got on fire. Feeling like a total bitch I got up and took Ashton to dance. When the midnight came everyone started singing me ‘happy birthday’ and I got some presents. I had to stand there and smile while all I could think of was Tommy, Nick with another girl, Ashton who got too friendly and Philip and Davina arguing which lead to Davina crying. I really wanted to go home.

Since the prom I didn’t really know how to talk to any of them but I was sure I’ll get over it. A month later on February 20 was my prom. I went with Ashton (I invited him a around New Years so I couldn’t change anything now). I won’t lie. I had the time of my life. I danced all night and we were kinda drunk but not like “i-don’t-know-what-is-going-on” drunk. I danced with Ashton, Josh and Nick (trying to not think about his new girlfriend and just enjoy spending time with him). Of course it would be too good if something didn’t happen. One on my friends argued with his boyfriend, another twisted her ankle, other one talked to her ex ana ened up crying in bathroom AND OF COURSE Tommy was there.              W H A T    T H E    F U C K?

After prom I had thought everything through and I knew I couldn’t talk to Nick anymore. It was too painful. So I decided to cut him off. I hurted as hell and he had no idea what is going on, but I couldn’t tell him the truth. Instead I told him that I want to focus on our final exams, which wasn’t exactly a lie. He understood. 

The next few months were terrible. All I did was going to school and studying. BUT THEN MAY CAME. 

Two weeks of may passed and the final exams were over. We started our longest summer! (we had 5 months till university starts). We had all this time to hang out before everyone leaves to college. BUT (of course) there was one problem. The squad didn’t really want ot hang out together anymore. Nick was spending all his time with his new girlfriend. So was Julie who started dating her boyfriend the previous summer (which was the reason for me and her to not talk for next 5 months after 6 years of friendship lol). Ashton kinda cut himself of after prom and Davina and Philip were finally together. I didn’t really know what to do with myself. 

So i started working. I was helping Andy (who is husband of sister of my sister’s husband, lol) selling fries, beer and this kind of stuff on festivals. One day my sister;s husband was helping us and he told me his other sister was planning on moving out to The Netherlands for a few years. I told him jokingly that I would love to go cause I didn’t really had anything to do in Poland at least till new school starts in October. two days later he told me that everyting is set up and that next week I’m going to Holland. I was super excited but also all i could think of was BITCH WHAT THE FUCK. 

A week later I was in The Netherlands helping Ethel (the sister who planned on moving out) her boyfriend and his sister find furniture to their flat. The next day we went to some guy Ethel knew God knows why and he borrowed us some stuff to the flat. The guy was living with some other dudes who I met but didn’t really remembered after 10 minutes. Well maybe one caught my eye, but he was a wife so i was like thank you, next.

I spent whole summer in The Netherlands and it was fucking wild. I’ve meet so many people (and some of them played quite big part in my NL life). It was first time in my life when I smoked weed and took drugs but I don’t regret it. It was summer and I’m an adult, right? And besides I needed to rest and just have some fun. 

On August two new people (Victoria and Daniel) have joined our Nl squad with who I became friends very quick. We had a road trip to Amsterdam and Haga (when we met a guy we worked with in the NL and he started hitting on me, lol).

Of course there was some boy-drama in Nl but I’m not over it yet so I don’t really want to write about it. Maybe someday. All in all, NL was fucking wild but I had time of my life.

I came back home in September and I started gathering stuff for my apartment in Wrocław because I got to Wrocław University and I had to move out from home. In October I put all my stuff to my parents’ car and we drove to Wrocław. They helped me to pack out and drove back home. I was all alone in foregin city. G R E A T. 

Luckily, Diana, my high school friend lives with me, so I’m not that alone. But still. The school started and I met new people. They’re kinda cool but...I don’t know...I just miss my friends. 

Okay, basically this is all that happend through those two years. it was fucking crazy. If someone really read this, you’re fucking amazing because if I were you, I would stopped reading after two first lines. I’m sorry but I had to let it out somewhere. And if you’re wondering: me and Ashton are friends again, I’m talking to Nick again (not as much as last year but still) and I’m totally over him, Davina and Philip were together for a year and a half but they split up, and after 5 months of not talking to each other I made up with Julie and we’re friends again. I’m kinda jealous of Josh, he lived through those 2 years without any shitty drama, lmao how do you do that?