#and its just so hard bc the first thing i think when i find out is “they are just a kid. they dont know any better” but idk.. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

meansevika · 2 days ago

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okay so very long thinkpiece about meljay and jayce' treatment of mel / the writers treatment of mel and how i think that all things considered she hasnt really won as much as we think she did

the thing about this that makes me so mad or rather sad (both, actually) is that we learn in season 1 how mel was brought up, that she didn't get to be soft and kind, that her surroundings were hard and rough just like her mother was, that love isn't a thing she knows like that especially not in relation to vulnerability. now if you think about media in general there is a pattern we know. the black woman is always the strong woman, the independent woman, the woman who doesnt get to be vulnerable bc of the first two points. so here comes this man she's trying to use not just for her own endeavors but for the good of piltover, clearly having a different mindset than her mother, and he cracks her open just like that. he's vulnerable with her and he lets her be vulnerable with him and it allows this woman this kind of vulnerability that she was never allowed to feel. she feels and she loves and there is someone who holds her and looks out for her when things go bad. he is his first thought after the bombing and hes so loving and endearing unlike her mother who is concerned, of course, but straight back to business too. and oh what a lovely thing that was to watch as a black woman who to this day still doesn't get to see this as often as we really should

so mel gets to experience something she hasnt before and you can tell it means something to her because when she gets back in act 3 the first reaction to him is an excited, hopeful one.

this is the man she cares deeply for and it is also the man who shes comforted before many times. something she needs in those very confusing times too. something she might be looking out for. something she might hope to get herself. some comforting after what shes been through for months. someone to share what is going on with her and how confusing it is to find out all those lies and secrets about herself.

until she notices how changed he is, how different he looks, so instantly she is worried. of course! who wouldnt be! she very likely didnt even know he was missing since its the first time we see her back in the city so she must've assumed he has been here and well for the whole time being (does she even know how long its been?) but it isnt fine as we know. she puts herself second! immediately! (and rewatching that scene now it actually makes me mad how she does that. and how anyone can question any of her feelings for him when shes immediately all jayce. or how in general people think shes only interested in her own goals) she asks this man who has shown her to be vulnerable around him and it BEING FINE, what happened, shes opening herself up to him, again, over and over, and he not only tells her it doesnt matter (what happened to him) but TURNS HIS BACK ON HER. he is literally shutting her off. he is saying with his body she does not get to do that. and for someone who has grown up like this, with a mother cutting off any kind of displays of weakness, this must be a familiar feeling, something that goes off like a bell

but she still tries! she still tries! she sees something is wrong but she tries to get comfort anyway, because this is jayce, right, this is the man she cares for deeply, the man who has opened this door for her and the door she's let herself through, the man who has always had compassion for her. of course she tries again. why wouldn't she? so she starts that something has happened to her but he doesn't even let her tell him what happened (actually it makes me so mad seeing this again and how crazy hostile he is towards her, its like im looking at the mel hating part of arcanetwt and him repeating beat for beat what theyve been saying for years) he doesnt give her room to speak, just takes it for himself, prioritizing himself and his own feelings. and, yes, figuring out the bombing thing and wanting to talk about it is valid and i think in general this could've been a great angsty way to deal with this topic IF they would've had the opportunity to talk this out properly but what happens instead is that the man that makes mel feel safe starts INTERROGATING her like she is a criminal that should be held for trial FOR SAVING HIM something she doesnt even undestand herself. and suddenly she is in a whole different position and i think by now she knows that this kind of compassion and understanding and room for vulnerability isn't part of their conversation anymore

she loses her composure and that of course isnt a first because she has started to be less put together around him, allowing her more room to "sway" but this kind of destruction is a different one because she feels at trial, feels cornered, feels like she has to explain herself but - and thats what is important - isnt heard. and i think that is something she knows very well, something shes grown up with, trying to explain herself and not being heard.

all of that happens while he is, mind you, still holding onto that hammer. something she surely notices too. the man who's usually quick to let down his defences around her, who isnt councilor talis or mister talis but just jayce around her, is holding onto that hammer like shes a threat. so he tells her he thinks shes lying and she asks him why he would think she'd do that, obviously, because her understanding of their relationship and their trust is a different one than his or at least this jayce that has come back from the arcane, because clearly this kind of understanding comes from somewhere and it comes from the times they've spent together alone throughout season 1 and a little in the beginning of season 2.

he throws at her that shes been using him, something that surprises her, because clearly she doesnt know what has happened, but she tries to explain anyway, because she doesnt know what has happened at least not in full (as you can tell by her reaction to viktor appearing, sensing the hostile mood between both, but also the way she reacts when viktor mentions the noxians intentions), and you can see that these thoughts of his are a result of months in the arcane alone with them and imagining conversations over conversations (although for me its still hard to understand how he grew that hostile towards her this quickly as if she were responsible for everything that happened but those are thoughts for a different post). he crashes out during that conversation, his face is warped with hatred and that is. all. for. her. to. see. and then BOOM goes the hammer off. mid conversation. a conversation that should feel safe with a man she should feel safe with but none of that is there. there is no space for her. (and yes i know hes aiming at viktors puppet but that isnt somethng mel is aware in that moment)

it all leads up to a fight and eventually they walk together and he apologizes, although very distantly and without much explanation, and despite it all, despite having good reasons to shut off and not share what she's feeling, she does. she talks to him about what is on her mind and they have a short, bittersweet exchange but it's just nowhere to what they've established in the first season. as a shipper of course that is super frustrating, but as a mel fan it's just sad to see that the person she felt safe enough to seek comfort in is just so closed off. but not only that, it's obvious they're parting ways and it's very obvious this is coming from his side and i think that is also why she so wilingly accepts it. she doesn't fight much back throughout their whole fight earlier either, she tries to explain herself, but doesnt demand that room for herself even though in this relationship she should be able to take just as much room for herself and her feelings as he does, but she doesn't. she just lets it happen and i understand it bc you have this man you trust and probably love and his first reaction to you is hostile when hostile has never been a response to her. he made a complete u-turn and of course that's off putting, maybe even scary, of course it shuts her down, makes someone who's so good with words and fighting just try to cause as little damage as possible because that is how she's grown up, isn't it?

and that is why i am sad about this. she learned that love doesnt have to look like her mothers and that being vulnerable isnt a weakness and its his doing but here she is met by this kind of hostility she only knows from noxus and it hurts even more that it COMES FROM HIM and over something as SAVING HIS LIFE when its clearly was an act out of love and not investment bc if i'd would've been just that than she would've saved viktor as well? but it wasnt about that. it was her subconscious making a decision and it was something her mother would describe as an act of weakness (theres a reason she gets renni to attack him bc she sees how fond mel of him is maybe even because shes been fond of a man herself once and she knows what itll do) and i think the worst part about it is that she doesnt ever get to truly articulate this or anything else and now that jayce is gone (dead? in a stone? who knows?) she won't get to ever probably. she won't get to say what she thinks and explain herself truly and she won't have anyone to confide in, to be comforted by or comfort. elora is dead, kino wasn't real and the real one is actually dead too, jayce is well whatever he is, and her mother died in her arms. yes, mel is a mage and that is fucking awesome and i was so happy to see her go off and get so many spotlights in battle, but shes also so fucking tragic actually. because here she is with a fuck ton of weight on her shoulders, the noxian army looking up to her, the whole name, not knowing who her father is or what any of her powers mean, the whole black rose thing, everything unresolved between her and jayce, the death of the people she loves, and shes all alone with it. shes all alone with it and she gets no one. man im just fucking sad that this woman got a glimpse of what it could be like to be loved and have someone to "come home to" just for her to have literally no one left like why do you hate black women so much why cant they get a fucking good ending and why cant they be fucking loved even when things get hard

also im lowkey mad that jayce got to find comfort in her lap so many times and not once did she get that in return, not even a squeeze of her shoulder, but dont let me get started on that....

#mel medarda #jayce talis #meljay #onlymeljay #goldenforge #arcane #arcane season 2 spoilers #arcane spoilers #kds.txt #im sorry this is a lot but i have so many thoughts #a lot of them hurt me #but i think this one just kills me the most #i wanted her to have something she didnt have before #it was so nice to see her being treated this well #only for it to end like that #and so cold too

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user2718273 · 2 days ago

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Terrorheads r always dunking on goodsir for the moral absolutism & then having absolutely no nuance in their own conceptions of good & evil. Like when goodsir finally snaps & poisons the mutineers ppl are like "oh see hes a bad person cus he couldnt forgive them cus he only thinks in black & white!!!!" but like bro. If somebody kidnapped u and forced u to carve up your coworkers' bodies for consumption u would not feel too friendly toward them i think. Or just how ppl talk abt goodsir in general. Like yeah he believes in colonizer shit, he was raised by colonizers. Every1 on the ships believes in colonizer shit i fear. But he gets more shit abt it than anyone else bc theres this weird conception that its worse to try and do good and get it wrong than to just straight up act out of vanity or greed. Not that goodsir should be absolved of anything, but its weird how ppl have so little empathy for characters whose desire to do good is tainted by ideological conditioning. Like bro i hate to break it to u. We all have ideological conditioning. If u act like thats some inherent moral flaw and not the inevitable product of living in a society and absorbing that society's beliefs, u will have a very hard time recognizing it outside of tv shows where people are just characters.

Also theres a difference between having no empathy for franklins men bc ur pissed at them and having no empathy out of principle. I feel like theres some recognition of personhood that comes w putting someone on the receiving end of a human emotion like anger, whereas if ur just like "logically i know colonizer bad, so empathy for colonizer = bad," ur putting them on a subhuman level out of the reach of emotion. U dont feel anger or empathy for them. U never find out what u feel toward them bc without accepting the possibility that u might reach muddy, nuanced, morally frustrating conclusions, theres no wiggle room to feel what u feel. But then u never get to feel the anger either. U cant understand things from either side bc once u start trying to sort everything into concrete moral categories, then ur not understanding individuals, ur defining variables, and everything becomes theoretical. I feel like thats part of the reason why when ppl put the expedition on the level of the subhuman, they often elevate the netsilik to the superhuman. Like ppl have a weirdly hard time conceptualizing that silna has complex motivations & is capable of developing complex relationships w other characters? Theyre just like "oh wow shes being so nice to goodsir, she must have stockholm syndrome or be wayyy too forgiving." Cus if u imagine franklins men as having one pure and self-contained nature that opposes the pure and self-contained nature of the netsilik, then theres no way they can genuinely interact. They can only touch each other under the guise of something else. Silna must not adequately understand goodsir's role in the fuckery ripping up her world. Which is ridonkulous to me bc her first interaction w him was when his party shot her father & then goodsir prevented him from dying on the ice. Like. She is not under any illusions that this man isnt part of the hurt and destruction. She just finds a way to care abt him anyway. Not bc she's some fountain of forgiveness, but bc despite the things she must hate about him, there are also things she loves. Same w crozier. Idk if she feels affection for him in the same way she does goodsir, but she def doesnt just save him bc shes a saint. She feels anger and bitterness just like any other person, and if she wanted to, she couldve left crozier to die like des voeux. Personally i think she saved him bc he was the only one left who had seen what she'd seen and she didnt wanna have to bear it alone but idk. She had her reasons. Anyway goodsir is literally a butch buttom so the wokes cant even get her. #She positionality on my moral puritanism til i absolve

#the terror #harry goodsir #lady silence #i am the expert on morality god said so

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mysicklove · 10 months ago

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the amount of ppl who have lied to me about their age and then used my kindness to their advantage truly makes me want to delete this account

#🔪 - mello talks too much #cw vent #i wish i could explain to u guys how many times minors have contacted me without me knowing they are one #it makes me just not want to make mutuals/trust any ppl on this app #and im just so #fuck #bc whenever i see the tell tale signs of behaviors of children i just brush it off bc i trust ppl too easy and think im overreacting #its happened multiple times #and im just #for the love of god if u are lying about your age (which honestly i assume a lot are) pls dont try and contact me or have a relationship #with me #and its just so hard bc the first thing i think when i find out is “they are just a kid. they dont know any better” but idk..#makes me sick to my stomach

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articskele · 3 months ago

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ROM MY FRIEND ROM :D

#she's so cool :D #she doesn't attack until you attack her first so someone made an ambience video of her just chillin!#https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5mLGWy8WrA0 #<- this one!#the music is trying so hard to make her menacing but she's just swaying back and forth like :::::o #i'm thinking in my funny reverse isekai'd micolash au artic is just going about her nightly routine #when she sees one of rom's spiders just. in the tub. and the lights aren't on but there's a little nightlight thingy plugged in #so its dark eyes are shining in the dim light and artic's internally freaking the fuck out as she sloooowly backs away and shuts the door #and goes to lightly shake micolash awake like “mico. mic. wake the fuck up why is there a spider in the bathroom”#he's like “...whuh? take care of it yourself.....” and artic's like “dude this thing is huge and it's covered in eyes and-”#and he suddenly gets up like “ROM???????”#and thus artic is out in the yard at midnight watching this guy hug a giant spider creature wondering how she got in this situation lmaoooo #but it isn't long until she and rom are buddies too ouo #i imagine rom can switch between her human and spider forms? and her human form has those glowy flowers in her hair!#also i'm picturing beast mom seeing rom for the first time and being like “stay back” assuming she's a threat #but this little shapeshifter beast artic is like “rom!!!!!” and runs to hug the big spooky spider friend ouo #and it takes her a second to find a spot to hug bc she doesn't wanna poke any of rom's eyes lol #silly self-indulgent tag #blood buddies

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depresseddepot · 1 year ago

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trying to determine which parts of my relationship with sex are asexuality, which are trauma, and which are autism is like trying to have a conversation with three people talking loudly and all at once

#just to be clear: asexuality as a result of trauma or neurodivergency is still asexuality. full stop no debate.#anyway because i love oversharing on tumblr dot com: feeling very sex repulsed on this day #i was joking with some guy about fighting each other (specifically said ''you ever fight a girl over 200 lbs? id break your ribs'')#and like three different people said something like ''well that would probably turn him on''#and. listen. i get it. that was a joke response to my joke threat #but what i felt in that moment and still feel now requires nothing short of academic study to understand #first of all: how dare they make me feel embarrassed in a social setting when i was doing so well.#secondly: why the fuck would me making a threat make them instantly think of sex #thirdly: how fucked up is my body image that i hear that and immediately think they're all out of their minds #i like fat women. i am personally attracted to fat women. not (usually) sexually but i do think they are very nice to look at #so why is it so hard for me to accept that someone else could find me attractive as well !#i think about being in a situation where a relationship and/or sex is a real possibility and i flinch like its going to hurt me #but why???? where is this aversion coming from !!!!! i am a hopeless romantic i daydream about romance all the time #so whats the deal here. is it subconscious bc of my asexuality and i associate romance with sex?#is it because of my autism where i associate romance with touch and am afraid i am too unempathetic to have a chance?#or (most likely) is it just because im so fucking scared of trusting someone that even the thought makes me nauseous #did this all crop up from a throwaway sex joke? yes #but people don't make sex jokes to me. people don't even pretend to allude to me being cute #this same group of people said a few weeks ago ''at least you're pretty''#which. is not the case!!!!!!! people do not say those things to me because they don't want to even slightly entertain that idea !!!!!!!#and i am extremely tired of having my life upended because of this #i have always been treated like i was ugly and teased about it and i FINALLY have managed to be okay with not being attractive #and now that im okay with it: NOW is when the pretty jokes start. im fucking angry about it actually #i can't be both. i cannot think of myself in terms that abstract. i am one or the other #and this leads me to believe that people think i COULD be pretty. but the catalyst is that i am fat and therefore cannot be attractive #which just makes me more angry!!!!!!!!!!!#how can i be completely indifferent to sex and attraction without seeming juvenile. i don't care so so much #but every time that sort of thing happens i feel like im 13 again and the hot jock is talking to me #i need to be put down. something's wrong with this one (me)#i realize i can't stop people from making sex or appearance jokes but god i wish i fucking could

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imaginarypasta · 11 months ago

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i’ve been trying to get through hoh for literally like a week now but it’s so hard bc the way my fave nico is treated is absolutely ABYSMAL and i know it only gets worse

#personal #even hazel being like ‘yeah he’s hard to get along with’ or whatever she said #every single non-tartarus perspective has had at least one reference to this #and like i understand the reasons it’s not that it’s that it highlights this issue i have with a lot of the characters in that series which #is that i don’t like them. and that’s so different for me bc i actually usually find that my two favorite characters in anything are the tw #that don’t like each other? unrelated to that dynamic usually mostly but still within it #but that’s not even what the dynamic is yk.#and it’s just the whole thing overall like in the last book there was one part where these two characters who are supposed to be good #friends are separated and one makes a comment about how annoying (or something along those lines) she finds the other which.#i’m vaguely aware of what happens in toa so i think you could argue something about that but read on its own bc i don’t want to make that #argument without fully grasping where her character goes #it just kinda reinforces this… vibe to the whole series that was not nearly as present in the first series of like. really overemphasized #like gender roles/heterosexuality/etc. i can’t think of the word to use to describe it. i’ve seen other ppl talk about the parts that add u #to the whole that i’ve seen but never synthesize them. and it really varies between actually insidious and simply not my taste which is par #of the reason i hesitate to make a full critique out of it. but suffice to say i really don’t like it #with that being said the pacing of this book is really good and i am compelled to finish based on the themes i do find interesting #autonomy being a huge one #but anyway those are my thoughts on it after a few days of a break. i’ve been playing a video game instead :3 but i start work on wednesday #sooo i won’t have as much free time boo #looking back maybe ‘insidious’ is a very strong word for it. i’m talking about like when percy complains about the bag and similar moments

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perenlop · 7 months ago

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terribly sorry for progressively getting more and more annoyed and tired with jn. this show kinda gets a lot more exhausting on a rewatch when you know its not going to get better

#i think what happened when it was airing was that like. it was the direct successor to sun and moon right?#and that was a show EVERYONE shat on when it got revealed. the setting the art change the shift to a goofier style etc etc #but then it aired and aside from some hiccups while adjusting the first few eps- sm turned out to be a joy of a show #not just for a casual watch- you can tune on most episodes without context and just have a pleasant time bc its a cozy show #but also if youre more into the battle scene bc this series kinda goes hard on them #and while the episodes had a goofier tone to them the episodes never felt like they were talking down to its audience #everyone brings up the deaths and how maturely they were handled but seriously- they didnt need to go that hard on the minior episode #and yet- it took fans a long time to really come around to it and stop giving it bad faith criticism #the most popular youtubers were finding every excuse to shit on it and mock the fans #so i think when jn was announced with another slight art shift and a different format- i think we all got a little defensive over it #like hey sm had hiccups too! jn just needs some time to grow into itself and find its footing #and we had no reason to think it wouldn’t. like there were some red flags like how mimey was handled and some clickbait episodes #but we got genuinely nice episodes back then too! the scorbunny eps were neat and ash and gohs intro eps are great #the pichu opening is REALLY strong and i thought it showed a ton of promise for the show #the leon and eternatus stuff was being set up #so i waited for jn to pick up and waved off a lot of criticism as bad faith bc hey. ppl were ruthless to sm and forgetting that we do have t #to work with the limit that its a childrens series. which is fine.#but well…… suddenly we’re in the final arc and its not better. its worse. holy shit did it get worse #episodes like the drizzile one were now the exception. not the rule.#most episodes that are pleasant on a first watch became an absolute slog on a rewatch #the ‘’fanservice’’ feels more like a marketing ploy than an attempt to respect the characters. the production value was a goddamn mess.#entire arcs went unresolved #so it gave me rose tinted glasses until it all fell apart at once for me at the end #but now i have the joyful experience of watching the whole thing through knowing damn good and well it gets worse. yay #echoed voice #jn lb

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real-life-cloud · 1 year ago

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:) 🧡

#the sky speaks #hiii i felt like rambling #im so busy lately!! retail job is exhausting and im working with my mom twice a week again #went to a yoga class with her on Sunday that was fun!! hard tho #and AUGGH. Christmas presents.........#i need to draw print and frame 2 pieces #make a blanket #and then when my mom isnt looking i need to organize her recipes. type them all up and print them out and find a like #pretty photo album type thing to put them in i think #i just bough stuff for my dad bc im making too much 😞#and i hav other atuff i need to do too #i need to take lucy to the vet. i need to help my mom finish painting the kitchen.#i need to clean out my garden bc i never got to it in the fall. i need to text my friend and plan a gift exchange probably after new years #and FUCK. i need to get stuff for her cousin. i told them id get them a Christmas gift... but idk what theyd like ......#its their first Christmas too!!!!!!!! (theyre an adult but we were all raised in a cult and they only just got out. long story)#so i defo wanna get them smthn #im a little bummed tho bc my friend never texted me for my bday #shes super busy + has memory issues + is not used to celebrating bdays (aforementioned cult stuff) so like i get it but now i feel awkward #cause like im fonna remind her when i do text her and its gonna make her feel bad but like. there is no hiding it #hmm i also need to make Christmas cookies for family n neighbors #and ive always wanted to look into mailing cookies!! i wanna send my internet friends cookies.... but again im so busy idk if i can thisyear #maybe i could do belated Christmas cookies.. new years cookies #on a sadder note ive been feeling very gender (bad edition) lately. especially todya #so weird that my family still calls me by my full name most of the time. and introduces me that way #and at work everyone calls me layn :) which is nice. some of my coworkers r trans too !!#i think i wanna get a pronoun pin for my uniform #but idk part of me wants to always introduce myself as layn and another feels off or insincere in that want. bc ive been helayna for so long #its just second nature to introduce myself with my full name. its less want and more muscle memory #speaking of names. ive thought of adding a new name. tryin one out. its been stewing for a while but i like the name owen #im running out of tags now whoopsie.. but yea theres a little life update ty for reading 💞

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pepprs · 2 years ago

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mission failed we’ll get em next time 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

#i literally can’t quit omg i feel so fucking bad. it wasn’t so bad this time but also HE LITERALLY FORCED ME TO COME OUT LKKE GIRL HELLO???#he cornered me and asked me if redacted had to do w my s*duality and i was like ummmmm. yeah 🫣 and he was like now why didn’t you say that #the first time 🤨 and i was like …………. 😳. AND THEN i asked him why he asked me that and he said he’s been waiting for the right moment to ge #it out of me and he always suspected it LIKE HELLO I THINK THAT IS POSSIBLY WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE I WANTED TO DIEEEEEE #and i lied right to his face abt stuff w my mom and also the redacted situation bc i always feel in trouble whenever i talk abt them w him #and also he asked how things were w my mom and i told him and he was like that’s great but how are things with YOU and yoir mom 🤨. UGHHHHH #and i can’t leave bc his supervisor is gravely ill and they haven’t talked abt doing inter generational therapy w me yet which is what they #want to do <- hasn’t looked it up yet and doesn’t know what it receals about me. and he also is like yet agai. trying to get me to separate #myself from data expunged AND ITS LIKE OMGGGG NOTHING IS HAPPENING WHY DO I HAVE TO THROW AWAY A GOOD THING THAT IS WORKING FOR ME JUST FOR #THE SAKE OF CONFORMING TO SOME STUOID MENTAL HEALJT STANDARD. so yeah ummmmm idk what to dooooo i know im not getting the best possible car #and this whole thing has been a cluster fuck but he validated my reaction to something for the first time like EVER today and he has plans #and what if they work. and like omg if i drop it on him he’ll be so hurt and surprised like it will really come out of nowhere and i don’t #want to look like even more of a fool to him than iam. but he says i can’t withhold stuff bc it’s doing me a disservice and we need to see #the fullness of who i am to get to the root and solve problems and stuff but it’s like uhmmmm… but you don’t make me feel safe for reacting #the way i do or wanting things to work out in a way you disagree with so how can i bring out all the parts of me if you don’t make me feel #safe and unjudged for doing so like. lol. the thought of leaving him makes me feel so guilty and stupid bc it s like why are you throwing a #away sliding scale therapy that could turn out to be really useful and running away when ppl tell you things abt yourself you don’t like to #admit and force you to look at your hard ugly truths. but also the thought of working w him until july after already having had 16 weeks of #this literaly makes me fucking insane so idk what to do and finding a new counselor would be so hard and i don’t have time or money. UGHHHH #purrs #delete later #like how am i gonna walk out on him when we just spent all this time talking abt how this new technique will bring me into a new season. AU

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phagodyke · 2 years ago

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istg one of these days.......

#ya know that post thats like texting lesbians: its throw bowling balls down the stairs day u better be game #one of my fave posts ever in the world #anyway my lesbian flatmate texts like the straight female friend part of that post and i love her but its killing me #its endearing but its so hard not to read it as flirty stoppitttt im already dedicating so much work to repressing this little crush 😭#ALSO THAT POST THATS LIKE FLIRTING W GIRLS WILL HAVE U ADDING :3 TO UR TEXTS literally so true but I dont think she means it like that 😭😭#like she talks to everyone that way I remember when I first met her me + my ex spent ages trying to work out if she was gay #bc we were so sure she had a gay vibe but every text felt like it was pointing the other way..... the vindication when I found out she WAS #anyway my resolve weakens with every 😘 emoji like im already thinking abt it dont give me any more ideas !!!!#its not even embarrassing anymore like how am i supposed to exist near someone like her WITHOUT ever having a gay thought #so im not sorry if she sees this. i take rejection like a champ dont be shy #but genuinely tho i dont think shes interested shes just cute like that. and idw make things weird cuz we're still living together next yr #itd be suchh a pain if i made things awkward right when we need to find a place. and anyway my best case is our 3rd flatmates WORST #i wouldnt do that to him god forbid #buuuut...... nope ok enough of that im going back to bed its almost 1am #this is what HAPPENS when u have insomnia tuning into the crazy radio every night #need to get onto dating apps and find smth new to distract me before this gets out of hand....... buttttt i dont want to >:|#its ok my patience is infinite i like playing the long game. i was into my ex for 2 and a half years before i made any moves #i can wait this one out too either itll happen eventually or itll pass. we're good #ok thats GOODNIGHT from me if u read this far wow ur nosy arent u...... jk ily sleep well everyone #muah all round #.diaries

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sheerioswifties · 2 years ago

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#so today i broke down and fully cried over realizing the reality that i probably won't be able to go see Taylor on this tour #and i felt so stupid for it like crying over not getting to see a concert seems so trivial and i mean so many reasons but like #and like i don't cry much anymore like I've been through and am in so much pain and horrible stuff constantly and so much stress and trauma #but I've built up strength to not cry over those things like if i did I'd just be crying nonstop so i channel my emotions into trying to #solve the problems and like still I'm so unbelievably stressed but like also as an empath i feel everything really deeply but usually lately #the things that make me cry are more like sweet animal rescue videos acts of kindness touching stories or really deeply inspirational or #relatable things in books etc but so like I'm like mad at myself for crying over this but #i checked the stubhub like prices for what tix are going for and it's fucking over 500 a pop for nosebleeds i just #it's infuriating the scalping and how many hard core fans are unable to go bc of that but rich ppl who aren't really fans i just. 1000 bucks #for 300 level is just no I'm sorry that's not ever gonna happen and i just #i really thought I'd just find tickets over time closer to the event like that's how I've done several concerts but then i looked and saw #that and I'm like oh my god and that's before fees and then there's the gas to get there the repairs that need to be done to the car to get #there all the other fees involved and in realizing oh my god like I've been overconfident and now i don't see a way and I'm so sad and i #just broke down its i know iy seems stupid but first this feels like something that might not happen again anytime soon if ever the way the #world is going out could be last chance and rep tour was the first time I'd been able to see Taylor to begin with and the experience was SO #amazing it's like the one thing i looked forward to this year that lifted me up in really dark times and again i feel shitty when there's so #many fans who never get to see her international too i just. I'm sorry I'm just like this breaks my heart on levels and like #i hate how money dictates everything i hate that i went to eds last tour tickets in the same venue were 30 DOLLARS and even the Taylor ones #i think were like 75 and now it's so high bc only scalping it's so fucked up and like I'm already in a really bad hole money wise bc of #an emergency issue that happened and I've got some scary medical things going on waiting on tests and having trouble with rent and food and #gas so like i can't even try to be like. you know? like justify trying to save up that much even when i got all this #i just.

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evenmorecrows · 3 hours ago

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kieran is my little guy. my boy my son. maybe i Am rotating an au in my head where hes the datv protag. maybe he enters into a romance with lucanis. like father like son (his dad being m!amell who romanced zevran.) plus itd be. so fucking funny

#this is already building off the back of Another au in which occaisonally after kieran reached like. age 5 morrigan lets zev and hiram #(<- hiram amell for further clarification)#look after him sometimes. i imagine it takes a while for her to not be a helicopter parent about it but hiram is patient and honestly never #expected to be able to be present in kierans life at all. and he doesnt know how to be a dad but he tries his damndest #i think zev might be a little awkward about it at first but soon enough kieran is a son to him as well #also kieran saying Weird Shit and hiram taking a moment to wonder if thats an old-god-soul thing or a morrigans-son thing #(as if he isnt also Weird. lmao)#anyway imagine kieran not mentioning his fathers especially when he hears lucanis talking about house arainai and then through some means #the gang (probably being luc and harding) ends up in the area kieran knows his fathers are and kierans like. hm.#its messy but you KNOW the jokes about being just like his father and the apple not landing far from the tree would come out #bc its just too perfect. male mage at the age of 20 finds an assassin (who is also a guy) and falls in love #i honestly think theres a million ways that first meeting could go #also i havent gotten to the part in the game where solas actually says this so i dont know hows its actually worded but like.#while being vague. the revelation abt the archdemons. like what does it meannn for kieran.#still unsure if what was taken from him was like. an actual soul???? and if so were there two souls in him or just the one?#what would it mean to BE soulless?? would it only matter once you die? and why was it so important to mythal to have it in her grasp?#anyway.#dont mind me im just here playing with my touys

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shidoukanae · 3 months ago

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Lineart to lineless art progress thingie (for funsies! and also bc im running out of things atm to put in queue lol). My fashion sense is very basic but i really like the left & right designs for Helene!

It's interesting to see how many details get lost/added in the process between lining things out/turning the lines to full color. Helene's face on the left loses the angle I was going for (OTL) and i fiddled with the anatomy a bit to make it better on the right

Wanted to make this as a glimpse at what a modern AU!version of Helene would look like (and im really hoping to see her on Earth and her reactions to being on Earth! but atm it's hinted only dragons are capable of tracking down people across 'verses so im just saying...hey Paris...regarding Helene and your Dragon Pact powers...).

#TME art #for how much i obsess about Helene I don't draw her often lol #partly bc it's really hard to draw her right in my eyes #on things i really hope happen in the manhwa: it's PARIS who gets to visit Lyla on Earth first and learn her real name because in the LN-#he WAS the first one to find out her name so it'd be kind of a fitting homage to his LN self if he learned her Korean name first #and teleported to her first the way he did in the LN before Fian did #PLUS PLUS PLUS #I've been thinking about it a lot but irl!Lyla and Paris look like they could be siblings #and it'd be REALLY FUNNY if Paris appeared on Earth and was mistaken as a long lost brother or something #plus im ngl i kind of want to see him build a bond with Lyla and big brother her the way he did in the LN #either by protecting her from her shitty family or scaring them off #but also it'd be really funny to see Twilight's reaction to Paris in particular appearing on Earth #(also god i forgot Twilight was a plot point in the manhwa bc she never shows up in the LN lmao)#but at least i get to have hope we might get a IRL arc with Paris or Fian or Helene (or hopefully all 3!!!)#plus i don't think it's Twilight who found Lyla when she last passed out bc the person who saved Lyla didn't look like Twilight #so im wondering if either that was Fian from the future his reincarnation in this world or someone else?#now that im thinking of Twilight im wondering who she is even more now beyond being the author #is she really Sienna reincarnated like speculations assume?#perhaps even the old Lyla herself?#and will Twilight get to meet Helene aka the heroine she royally screwed over in more ways than one?#and what would Twilight think of Paris getting close to Helene considering what she knows about their OG relationship?#gosh im looking forward to the manhwa and how it handles Twilight/the dragons hopping dimensions (hopefully w/ their gals)#also just saying but Helene probably is the only one who has the capacity to reach Lyla atm bc she knew about Sienna's teleportation magic #and hypothetically she can reverse-engineer it to reach Lyla once she learns what the hell is going on #but considering Helene doesn't know Lyla's an imposter much less that she comes from another world would she be willing to do so?#and then there's the archery festival too that's either being skipped or going to see Lyla attend it like in the LN #waaaaaah i love all the changes the manhwa introduces it makes me so excited to see how Yuria will shake things up #especially since this round Lyla IS an imposter separate from the OG!Lyla and not someone who will end up turning into Lyla #i have SO MANY THOUGHTS on this manhwa and its direction esp compared to the LN jfc #im DEFINITELY waiting for the promise of Paris going to Helene to finally ask for her help

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goxjo · 4 months ago

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♥︎ 𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐋𝐋 𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐍𝐘 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐑 ♥︎

⟢ ┈ ﹒꒰ the morning after your first time with him, he’s not quite finished with you FT. gojo, nanami, geto, naoya, toji x fem! reader ꒱

AUTHOR’S NOTE. yeah, this could end up being very sweet or very horny. either way, please mind the warnings uwu. also, gojo’s is longer than the rest just bc <3

CONTENT. explicit smut, some sprinkles of fluff, eepy jjk men. ♡ gojo ♡ pet name: baby, princess, cuddling, early morning banter, frottage, v! fingering. ♡ nanami ♡ food cw, he wears a cute lil apron and you show up wearing only his shirt, v! fingering. ♡ geto ♡ pet name: angel, morning wood, early morning stretch, daddy kink. ♡ naoya ♡ pet name: kitten, consensual somnophilia, cunnilingus, kinda rough, squirting in his mouth sorry not sorry <3 ♡ toji ♡ pet name: sweetheart, consensual somnophilia, waking him up by giving head, 69.

LINKS. GEN. MASTERLIST ┆ JJK MASTERLIST

♥︎ 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐎𝐑𝐒 𝐃𝐎 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓 ♥︎

ੈ♡‧₊˚ GOJO SATORU

“Satoru, can I tell you something?” You lightly trace your finger down his face. The tips of his eyelashes feel ridiculously soft to the touch, not to mention his glossy lips- ones that have explored your own and your body so thoroughly just a few hours ago, you’ve memorized its shape at this point. His mouth slightly opens when you graze his bottom lip with your thumb. Through his pearly white teeth, warm breath fans the tip of your finger as his chest rises and falls in sync with his light snoring.

“Hm?” For the first time, you’re hit with his raspy morning voice - one you can definitely find yourself getting used to. He catches your hand, peppering lazy, half-asleep kisses at the back of it. “What is it?”

“Nothing. Just- I’m insanely attracted to you, that’s all,” you whisper and his eyes light up at the sudden confession. You haven’t been together long so you saying something like this out of the blue is more than enough to take him aback. Next thing you know, big strong arms wrap around you, piling your weight on top of him.

“This feels nice,” he breathes, sleep finding its way back to his eyes, and you can feel his breaths slow down as he drifts off again.

Flick. “Hey, wake up. Need to hear that voice again.” You lightly flick a finger to his forehead and his eyes flutter open for a few seconds. But that wasn’t enough to fully wake him.

“Can’t. You’re so warm. So soft,” he mutters, tightening his grip around you. He shifts a little, trying to nestle the back of his head into his pillow as he shuts his eyes. “Could stay like this all day long.”

You lean closer to his face, studying his sleeping profile. How could anyone be this perfect? Most people wake up with bed heads, dried up drool on their chin, troll-like attitude, and crusty eyes. Not Gojo Satoru. He’s an angel. He wakes up in the morning looking as if he had a 30-minute head start to his daily skincare routine. As if he even needs one.

“Sooo soft,” he mutters once more, squeezing your sides.

“Hate to be the bearer of bad news you big pervert but you have to get ready for class.”

“Wrong!” He jolts awake. “That’s not something someone ‘insanely attracted’ to me would say.”

“How would you know?”

“Because I’m insanely attracted to you as well, and I say ‘5 more minutes’. Actually, make that an hour.”

You try to brush off his comment, pretending as if heat didn’t just rush to your cheeks at what you’d call a poor attempt at banter. A lie, because of course he’s an expert. “Come on you big baby. Wake up.”

“45 minutes, baby.” A big hand reaches underneath your shirt, soothing your bare back.

“Think you’re being slick, huh?”

“Mmm, shut up and come closer.”

“15 minutes?” you suggest, legs straddling his sides, pussy grinding on his half-hard cock as you draw hearts on his jaw, his hands finding their way to your bare ass.

“Hmm, 30.” He groans and you feel his cock twitch underneath, his hands grabbing the fat of your ass.

“You’re a bad negotiator- mmf.” You purr when he spreads your ass, walls clenching at the slight stretch.

“The worst. So, 30? Actually no. 30 is a done deal if you throw in a little kiss.”

“Deal—”

“On second thought…” his fingers slide down your folds, your mouth pops into an ‘o’ and you know for sure you’re done for the second he slides two digits into your slippery hole. “How ‘bout we make it 30 minutes after round 2?”

You’re definitely going to have to stay in all morning.

ੈ♡‧₊˚ NANAMI KENTO

A wave of confusion hits you when you’re awoken by the sound of something that dropped in a pan, aroma of something frying filling the room. Your eyes dart to the door slightly left open and you’re suddenly aware of the empty space beside you.

You try to look for the clothes you discarded last night but they’re nowhere to be found. So of course, you go for the next best thing.

Coming into the kitchen, you’re met with your partner’s broad and bare back, and your eyes immediately dart to the white lace-trimmed ribbon tied around his waist.

Clad only in pajama pants and that frilly little apron you gifted him as a joke, one that has a pretty pink ‘kiss the chef’ embroidered text at the front, Nanami is way too preoccupied with preparing breakfast for two.

You whistle in a way that’s too flirty for his comfort. Nanami looks over his shoulder, eyes trailing your form up and down, staring way too long at where his signature blue button-down ends just slightly above your upper thighs.

“Careful, your hashes are about to burn.”

“Did you sleep well?” he asks, completely turning off the heat as he makes his way towards you.

“You’re not gonna finish that? Aren’t you going to—” he doesn’t let you finish when he captures your mouth, pulling you into a deep kiss. His hands reach underneath the hems of your (his) shirt, finding your slick folds before pumping you silly with two of his fingers.

“Nope, I’m suddenly craving something else. Sit on the counter, now.”

ੈ♡‧₊˚ GETO SUGURU

You’re woken up by the sound of an alarm. Looking at the clock, it reads ‘7:00 am’ and you’re surprised to find a heavy arm around your waist and something hard pressed up against your ass.

You shift to turn off his alarm, to which Geto’s eyebrows furrow, protesting over your sudden escape from his hold. “Come back here,” he groans, voice a tad deeper than his usual key, swiftly pulling you close to his bare chest.

“You sound so sexy,” you whisper, planting lazy kisses on his nose and on his lips, his erection leaking something warm on your stomach.

“Really? You sounded sexier last night. Need to hear you screaming my name again, angel.” He reaches down, knuckles sliding across your slit as you feel his fist pumping his cock at the same time. For the first time, you’re oriented with what mornings with Geto are like.

The head of his cock runs through your slick folds before finding your hole. You purr at the friction as he enters you, giving a whole new meaning to ‘early morning stretches.’

“Ohh, ohh~” you hum. Your core grows heavy with need, forcing you to try to bounce on his cock, clit grinding against his abdomen as you hold onto his bicep.

“So impatient.” Geto chuckles at your eagerness. “Want daddy to pay attention to your clit?”

“Daddy, daddy, n-need you to move pleasepleaseplease,” you whine. He hooks your leg around his waist, fingers digging into the fat of your ass as he bottoms out.

“Good morning to you too.”

ੈ♡‧₊˚ NAOYA ZEN’IN

You think maybe you’re having one of those dreams. The best kind- one where a warm, wet muscle runs across your puffy slit before sliding in and out of your hole. It feels so hot, so good. Too hot, too good, you feel an orgasm coming-

“Fuuuck,” you cuss breathily, whines choking back a wake up yawn, and your body arches to the sensation in your pussy in place of an early morning stretch. Your eyes blink away the sleep in your eyes. Looking down, you find that black and white head of hair you love so much in between your thighs. And he doesn’t stop devouring your pretty cunt even as you mewl through your high. “Fuck, baby, fuck me!”

It’s real and it’s definitely his tongue sucking on your throbbing clit, definitely his thick fingers relentlessly fucking your wet velvet walls, definitely your pussy squelching from how good his tongue and fingers play with you at this ungodly hour.

“Grrood, mm-you’re-mm-awake,” he talks as if he’s speaking to your pussy, unwilling to part from your sweet little cunt even for a second. He was also like this last night. He told you the taste of your pussy is so damn fucking intoxicating, he could eat you up like a three-course-meal.

“Don’tstopdon’tstopdon’tstop!” Your fingers rake through his locks, making him use his teeth on your pussy just because he knows how much you like it when he gets rough. He feels so good going down on you like this, you just can’t help but squeeze his head between your thighs.

“Babybabybaby, fuuuuck- shit!” You feel your pussy twitch two or three times before he gulps, and with his lips still glued to your pussy, you could feel him release a deep chuckle at how much you came undone. Worry washes all over you, heat rising to your face when you realize what you’d done.

“I’m sorry I’m sorry, I didn’t-”

“You taste heavenly kitten, do it again.”

ੈ♡‧₊˚ FUSHIGURO TOJI

Toji wakes up to an all-familiar feeling around his cock, something that wasn’t uncommon before he had you but now that it is you and your pretty mouth wrapped around his cock, one arm propped on his thigh for dear life-

“God, I fucking love you.”

He absolutely adores the sight of your head in the morning bobbing up and down his hard length, ass perked, other hand struggling to play with your cunt.

“C’mere and turn around sweetheart. Show me that pretty pussy of yours.”

Ass still perked, only now it’s dangerously close to his face. He spreads your folds with his thumbs, stretching your juicy, clenching entrance and huffing out hot air before he drags out his tongue to lick stripes on your cunt.

“Rrmfh~” Your mewls are muffled as you’re gagged with the head of his cock. The feeling of his tongue on your pussy tickles something in you that makes you suck on his cock, releasing a pop when your mouth leaves his length.

“Ohh~ T-toji baby-fuck-let’s cum together.”

“So fucking needy.” Toji kisses your clit a couple times before making out with your lips. He alternates between nipping the sensitive bud with his teeth and flicking it with his tongue, driving you insane while your own mouth is stuffed full of his cock.

“I rarely have breakfast, but this is a nice little treat.”

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