#and its always been and it doesn't always cause problems at this point so i kinda forget its actually mental illness

[faggling]

The more I heal, the more it feels like my brain was founded on moral OCD

[aeide-thea]

god i know that complaining abt fic which most of you haven't read, and which i won't, for politeness' sake, identify in this post, is a great way to come across as both dickish and boring—

but i've been rereading a very long, very satisfyingly plotty series that's a fandom darling and the thing is, when you read like 400k of an author's work at once it really starts to become painfully apparent what their priorities are, by which i mean two things:

holy shit they're obsessed with 'what if strong powerful men who could hurt you didn't (but did hurt Bad Guys) (and it was sexy of them),' which leads into

holy shit they do not appear to have thought through the implications of saying 'i will have my heroes take over the same power structures that have enabled abuse, make no real changes to those structures other than swapping out the leadership, and then claim that everything is wonderful now bc Good Men Are In Charge'??

like. i don't necessarily need every passing fantasy to present me with a coherent, revolutionary system of politics and ethics—sometimes things are just fun and sexy and not especially Examined and that's fine!—but by the time someone's written literally almost half a million words, and done a lot of worldbuilding while they were at it, i am going to start squinting if they seem to think a Good Man can e.g. become an emperor by killing off the leadership of multiple countries and installing puppet kings loyal to him and still remain a Good Man, even if the justification was that the original leadership was maltreating its citizens and deserved to be extrajudicially executed. like. this shit was a bad, autocratic move when the US did it in real life and it's still bad now that you're having our mutual blorbo do it in fiction! and that's not even getting into the whole thing where like. they've got servants who the Good Man and his friends ""treat well"" but who very much remain second-class citizens in terms of how the story actually frames them and their concerns. [this was also a huge issue i had with foz m*adows' most recent book—everyone wants to write about fantasy nobles but they also want to make them good people and it's like. honestly i think it might be better to get comfortable writing about flawed people, but also—if your aristos aren't treating their servants like equals and your text isn't either, you haven't actually cracked the Moral Aristo paradox, sorry!] like, there's nothing that says your story has to depict a fully Healed World, nor should there be! but it's troubling if you seem to be convinced you've written one (and have your wide-eyed love interests constantly marveling at it!) when you very patently haven't.

[lazy-ahh]

Hello darling 😘. Hope you don't the request but I wanted to ask if u could write on a male reader who has a powerful shape-shifting ability. Like he can shapeshift into people , objects and animals(normal and mythical) while mimicking their sounds and powers . He really likes to prank mark by turning into monsters/objects to scare him . Male reader also specializes in undercover missions so he's not always around alot but when he is , his out causing touble for the Cecil and the guardians by shape-shifting into them and doing pranks out in public . So they gotta always call mark cause his the only one who can rail him in .

CALL IT WHAT YOU WANT (I'LL CALL IT LOVE)

pairing mark grayson x (shape-shifter) male reader

mark grayson has a problem: you. specifically, the way you laugh at your own pranks, the way your hands always find their way to him, the way you call him 'pretty boy' like it doesn't ruin him every single time. (he wishes it meant something. he wishes you'd mean it.)

taglist @hhoneylemon , @queermaeda , @yujensstuff , @thebatsgreatestfailure , @roryroro

you’re bored. like, mind-numbingly bored. the kind of boredom that makes shapeshifting into inanimate objects—just to see how long you can stay perfectly still before someone notices—sound like a decent way to kill time. and when you’re bored, two things always happen: 1) you start shifting into increasingly ridiculous things just to entertain yourself (seriously, you’ve been a toaster, a literal dumpster, and a disturbingly accurate replica of cecil’s coffee mug—with the chip and everything), and 2) mark grayson ends up with a new gray hair because of you. today, option 1 lost its charm after the fifth consecutive transformation (seriously, how many times can you turn into a lamp before even you get tired of it?), so that leaves you with option 2: terrorizing your favorite superhero.

most of the time, you don’t even pretend to consider option 1—you just skip straight to hunting mark down like some kind of overexcited, shapeshifting bloodhound. poor guy. you do pity him, really. but pity has never stopped you before, and it sure as hell isn’t gonna start now. you try to keep it light—when he tells you to stop, you stop. when he’s not laughing (or at least fighting a smile), you back off. because at the end of the day, that’s the whole point. ever since you were kids, you’ve been pulling this crap just to hear him laugh, to see that stupid, fond look he gets when he’s trying so hard to be annoyed but can’t quite manage it.

and okay, fine, maybe it’s also your go-to excuse when you miss him. which is… a lot. more than you’d ever admit out loud. you’ll just shrug, smirk, and say "eh, was bored," like you haven’t been watching him from across the room for the past ten minutes, cataloging every reaction, every half-suppressed chuckle, every exasperated "dude, seriously?" that sounds way too affectionate to actually be annoyed.

you’ll admit it—you try way too hard. but can you blame yourself? mark’s mark. your best friend, the guy who somehow puts up with your nonsense, the idiot who still jumps every time you sneak up on him as some eldritch horror (even though he knows it’s you). and yeah, maybe you have feelings for him. ugh. screw that—of course you have feelings for him. it’s not like you spend your undercover missions thinking about what ridiculous stunt will make him lose it next. it’s not like the thought of his laugh is the only thing keeping you going when the mission goes to hell.

…okay, maybe it is.

whatever. point is, you’re bored, and mark’s about to have a really bad day.

(≧∇≦)ﾉ☆

mark’s sprawled across his bed like a starfish that’s given up on life, one hand lazily scratching out physics equations while the other flips pages of seance dog with way more enthusiasm than his homework deserves. he’s technically studying—or at least, that’s what he’ll tell his mom later when she asks why his grades are "consistently mediocre"—but really, he’s just pretending to care about velocity formulas while mentally cheering on a comic book dog that barks at ghosts. priorities, right?

his phone buzzes against the mattress, and he grabs it without looking, already grinning because maybe it’s you. maybe you’re finally back from that undercover mission, texting him some ridiculous story about how you impersonated a villain’s pet hellhound just to steal classified files (again), or how you tricked an entire squad of guards by shifting into a vending machine and then spitting out snacks at them when they tried to buy something. the thought makes his chest do this dumb little squeeze thing, equal parts excitement and "god, i missed this idiot."

instead, he gets:

"mark."

oh. cecil.

mark blinks, still half-distracted by a panel of seance dog howling at a particularly dramatic specter. "uh. hey. what’s up?" he asks, like he isn’t already mentally calculating how fast he can hang up if this is another "emergency briefing" that could’ve been an email.

cecil’s voice is as dry as ever. "i need you to retrieve something from [y/n]’s house. mission-critical intel he recovered."

mark's gaze automatically flicks to your window—because of course your rooms face each other, of course your houses have been side-by-side since you were both in diapers, and of course this whole setup feels like something straight out of one of those dumb rom-coms you pretend not to watch together (even though you totally do). he's already moving before he realizes it, one leg swinging off the bed while his free hand fumbles for his hoodie. the key to your place hangs from his nightstand, right next to yours that he keeps "for emergencies" (read: when he wants to steal your snacks).

but he pauses, phone pressed between his ear and shoulder as he wrestles with the hoodie sleeve. "uh, wait—why can't, y'know... he just bring it?" his voice goes a little higher at the end, the way it always does when he's trying to sound casual but failing spectacularly.

"he's already on another assignment."

mark's fingers tighten around his phone just a little too much—not enough to crack it (probably), but enough that his knuckles go white. "oh. uh. that's just—i mean, he just got back? like, two weeks? i-i mean from like, a two-week mission? and you're already—" he cuts himself off, realizing he sounds way too invested, and backpedals hard. "not that it's any of my business! or—i mean, it kind of is? since i'm the one you're making go over there? but also maybe he should, like... rest? or something?"

there's a long pause where mark can feel cecil judging him through the phone. when the sigh finally comes, it's the kind of world-weary exhale that makes mark feel like he's twelve again and getting scolded for tracking mud through the guardians HQ. "just get the drive from his desk. it's urgent."

"yeah, yeah," mark mutters under his breath, already thumping down the stairs two at a time like an overexcited golden retriever. the wooden steps creak in protest under his socked feet (because of course he forgot shoes again), and he barely remembers to grab your spare key from its usual hiding spot under the ceramic frog by the back door. the grass is cool and slightly damp between his toes as he cuts across the lawn, the late afternoon air carrying that familiar mix of freshly-cut grass and whatever weird chemical smell the grayson's neighbor insists on spraying on their roses.

he doesn't bother knocking—after fifteen years of friendship, walking into your house feels as natural as breathing. the front door groans its usual complaint when he pushes it open, that same squeaky hinge you've both promised to fix a hundred times but never actually gotten around to. "okay, so where's this—" he starts, already stepping into the dim hallway when he realizes the phone's gone quiet.

mark freezes mid-step, one sock half-off from where he's been dragging his feet. "...cecil?" he tries again, holding the phone away from his face to check if he accidentally hung up. the screen mocks him with its blank indifference.

nothing.

just the faint hum of the refrigerator down the hall and the distant sound of a car passing by outside.

weird.

he gives a half-hearted shrug, creeping further into your room like he's walking through a minefield. the place looks like a tornado hit it—as usual. one of your hoodies is dangling precariously off the bed frame, socks litter the floor like sad little landmines, and there's a half-eaten bag of chips on the nightstand that's probably been there since before your last mission (seriously dude, that's just nasty). but what really catches his eye is the faint glow from your desk—your phone, screen lit up with an active call. to mark.

mark's stomach does this weird flip-flop thing that has nothing to do with the stale chip smell wafting through the room.

then—

creak.

that unmistakable sound of old wood protesting under weight. from directly behind him.

every muscle in mark's body locks up tighter than the time he accidentally super-glued his fingers together during arts and crafts day in third grade. okay. okayokayokay. he's invincible. he's literally a viltrumite. he's punched through alien warships and survived getting thrown through buildings and once fought a guy made entirely of bees (that last one was way grosser than scary, but still). this is fine. he's fine.

(he is not fine.)

mark sucks in a shaky breath that does absolutely nothing to calm his racing heart before spinning around so fast he almost trips over his own feet, fist coming up in what he hopes looks like a cool superhero pose and not like he's about to start crying.

empty room.

just shadows stretching long across the floor and his own dumb reflection in your slightly crooked mirror. just shadows. just the faint hum of the AC that always sounds vaguely like someone whispering his name when he's trying to sleep. just his own heartbeat pounding in his ears like some overenthusiastic drummer at a battle of the bands.

he exhales, shaky. "okay. okay. you're being paranoid. it's fine. it's totally—"

something grabs his ankle.

"HOLY SHIT—MOM! MOOOOM! [Y/N]! SOMEONE! OHGODOHGOD—"

mark's scream cracks embarrassingly high as skeletal fingers—way too long, way too pointy, what the actual fuck—clamp around his ankle like icy manacles. he's yanked backward so hard his chin smacks the floor (that's gonna bruise tomorrow), his flailing limbs doing absolutely nothing to stop his slide toward the nightmare void under your bed. the shadows twist and bubble like boiling tar, forming a face—no, not a face, a horrible parody of one—all jagged teeth and glowing eyes that seem to look right into his soul.

"nononono—[Y/N] HELP! I'LL NEVER MISS OUT ON FLYING TIME AGAIN I SWEAR! MOM! ANYBODY!" he babbles, voice jumping an octave with each word as he claws at the carpet like a cat being shoved into a carrier. his fingers leave little streaks in the fibers (sorry about your carpet) as whatever-the-hell-this-is drags him closer. tears are absolutely streaming down his face now, because screw dignity, he's about to be monster chow. "OH COME ON I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO FINISH SEANCE DOG! THIS IS SO UNFAIR! [Y/N] YOU ASSHOLE WHERE ARE YOU WHEN I—"

then—

laughter.

not just any laughter—that bright, obnoxious, infuriatingly familiar sound that's been the soundtrack to mark's life since you were both in diapers. the kind of laughter that starts in your chest and comes bursting out like you just can't contain it, loud and unapologetic and so fucking pleased with yourself.

the shadows dissolve like smoke in sunlight, and there you are—half-sprawled under the bed with your hair sticking up in every direction, eyes crinkled with amusement, grinning like you just pulled off the world's greatest heist. "oh my god," you wheeze, wiping at your eyes, "your face—i wish you could see yourself right now—"

mark just collapses onto his back, chest heaving like he just ran a marathon, elbows digging into the carpet as he glares up at you with the most betrayed expression imaginable. it's a perfect mix of "i'm going to strangle you with my bare hands" and "why do you have to look so pretty when you're being the actual worst?"

your laughter stutters to a stop when you see the tear tracks glistening on his cheeks. "…oh." your voice goes soft, all the mischief draining away in an instant. "oh, shit, mark—" you're moving before you even finish the sentence, crawling across the carpet to cradle his face in your hands. your thumbs brush away the tears with a gentleness that makes his breath hitch, your forehead pressing against his like you're trying to physically transfer an apology through skin contact. "hey, hey, i'm so sorry, okay? i didn't think you'd actually—i mean, you're invincible, i didn't think—"

"you're the actual worst," mark croaks, his voice still shaky from adrenaline, but he's already tilting his head into your palms like a cat begging for scratches. because despite everything—despite you being a complete menace to society—your hands are always so warm, your stupid smirk always so unfairly charming even when you've just traumatized him for life. "i hope you know i'm never forgiving you for this. like, ever. we're done."

you grin, already knowing he doesn't mean a word of it, and yank him forward into a hug so tight it knocks the breath out of him. "awww, but you love me~" you sing-song directly into his ear, your voice dripping with playful smugness as you feel him immediately melt against you despite his protests. one hand slides up to ruffle his already-messy hair while the other rubs comforting circles between his shoulder blades—the exact spot you know makes him go all soft and pliant.

mark groans, but it's half-hearted at best, his face now buried in the crook of your neck where he can secretly inhale that familiar scent of your stupidly expensive cologne mixed with whatever shampoo you stole from him last week. "i hate you," he mumbles directly against your skin, the words vibrating through you as his arms finally wind around your waist to pull you even closer. "you're a monster. a demon. i'm telling cecil to send you to space jail. i'm sure he has one somewhere up there."

you laugh, pressing a teasing kiss to his temple—just quick enough that he can't protest, but slow enough to make his heart stutter. he wishes you'd do it more often. wishes that it meant more. wishes that you'd do more when he finally musters up the courage to ask to be yours forever.

"sure, sure," you murmur, lips still brushing his skin as you speak. "but first..." you suddenly shift, flipping both of you over until mark's sprawled on his back with you grinning down at him, his wide-eyed blush absolutely precious. "...gotta make it up to you, right?" your voice drops to that low, dangerous tone that always makes his brain short-circuit, your fingers now gently tracing the tear tracks on his cheeks. "maybe... ice cream? cuddles? that new comic you've been eyeing?"

mark's pout is almost convincing. "...with extra sprinkles?" he mutters, already knowing he's lost this battle the moment your lips touched his skin.

"whatever you want, pretty boy," you whisper, watching with delight as his entire face turns scarlet at the nickname—the same one that’s been reducing him to a flustered mess since you were fifteen. and god, fifteen-year-old mark had been a disaster—tripping over his own feet every time you got too close, face burning whenever you slung an arm around his shoulders, heart pounding so loud he was sure you could hear it.

some things never change.

he swallows hard, throat suddenly tight as his skin burns where you touch him—your knee pressed against his thigh, your fingers absently playing with the hair at his nape, your breath warm and sweet when you laugh just inches from his mouth. it's unfair, the way you do this—all easy affection and teasing touches, like this closeness between you doesn't mean anything more than best friends messing around. like your hands don't linger just a second too long, like your hugs don't hold him tighter than necessary, like your voice doesn't drop to that soft, private tone reserved only for him.

(and maybe it doesn't mean more to you. that's the terrifying thought that keeps him awake at night. because you've always been like this—bold with everyone else but suddenly so careful with him, dancing right up to the line but never crossing it. too scared to put a name to the way your chest tightens when he smiles, to the years of stolen glances and almost-confessions that died on your tongue. too terrified to admit that sixth-grade you fell first, but eighteen-year-old you is still falling, harder every day.)

the worst part? he'd wait forever if you asked him to. he's already memorized the exact shade of your lips when you bite them to hide a smile, the way your eyes crinkle when you're trying not to laugh at him, the soft sigh you make when you think no one's listening. he knows you—all of you—and still wants you with an ache that never quite goes away.

because mark? mark is ruined. he’s spent years memorizing the exact shade of your smile, the way your voice dips when you’re sleepy, the stupid little snort you make when something catches you off guard. he knows you better than he knows himself, loves you more than he’ll ever admit out loud.

and yet here you are, curled around him like you belong there (you do), whispering sweet nothings like they don’t mean anything (they do, to him), calling him pretty boy like it doesn’t carve him open every single time (it does).

he should pull away. he won’t.

(he never pulls away. not even a little. in fact, his grip around you might have tightened just slightly.)

2.8k words of mark grayson and reader being a lovesick disaster (again)! sorry if this isn't exactly what you imagined and requested, anon—i went through four different versions before settling on this one because the others just didn't feel right. really hope you still like how it turned out though 🥹

[captain-huggy-bear]

Priorities

Pairing: Quinn Hughes x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Illness/comfort

Summary: When Quinn gets a text from you 2 hours before his game, he shows where his priorities lie when he drops it all for you.

Series: Teacher Reader series

Notes: I am not very well atm and I had to drive home dizzy from work the other day, the idea of Quinn being there to help has been stuck in my head so have some self indulgence from me.

A kind of sequel to In Sickness and in Health but you don't need to read that to read this.

Totally happy to take requests/ideas/prompts at the moment in my ask box :)

Writing Masterlist

He's already at the rink getting ready for the game in the locker room when his phone goes off. You don't actually ring him, clearly doing that thing you always do where you're trying to not bother him on a game day, instead you send a quick text message. He expects the usual:

'Good luck on the game today, baby!'

Instead, the text he gets has him picking his phone up and calling you back in an instant, worry clouding his judgement and making his hands shake slightly.

'Hey, so guess who's being sent home because she's dizzy and can't breathe? I had my head between my legs for 20 minutes, definitely can't stand and teach. Have a good game x'.

You drop the good luck at the end like he's not supposed to be worried, like you've just casually told him about the weather and not that you we're struggling to breathe.

It doesn't really matter that Tocc is giving him the look, the one he reserves for when he's annoyed at the boys, or that half the locker room have stopped their own pre-game, pre-warm up routines to watch their captain frantically call you. He's pacing back and forth, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he waits for you to pick up the phone.

"Quinn?" You sound so incredibly breathless its like listening to an asthmatic 80 year old who's smoked for half their life. Except you don't smoke and you're not asthmatic or 80 which makes the whole situation about 10 times worse because you shouldn't be struggling to breathe. You should be doing better today.

You've been ill, he knows this, a chest infection he forced you to get meds for on the weekend. Meds which should have started working by now, a heavy dose of antibiotics and steroids which were supposed to have helped. You'd felt well enough this morning to go in and give work another go, but he regrets letting you do that now. Clearly trying to stand up in front of teenagers and talk was not something you should have been doing, not when the school day had only started half an hour ago and you were already being sent home.

"Baby, are okay?" You're sitting on the front steps of the school with all your things when you answer the phone to Quinn's worried voice. You keep telling yourself you just need a minute, just a minute and then you won't feel so dizzy, won't feel so breathless. Just a minute and the tingles in your fingers will go and your hands will stop shaking so much. Just a minute and then you can drive home and get into bed.

"Y-yeah, I'm...I'm just breathless. I'll be okay...they're...they're covering my...my lessons and..." You stop for a minute, taking big deep breathes, you sound so laboured on the phone that Quinn can't help but clench his phone tighter in his hand, "and I'm going home now." Your breaths are wheezy, just like Saturday, in fact he's certain you sound worse.

"How are you getting home?" He knows the answer before you say it and he hates it before he even hears it. You're dizzy and breathless and there is no way you should be driving home at all, but he knows you. Self-reliant to a fault, a martyr, always pushing yourself past the point of no return because you think you're fine, because you convince yourself you're fine. Because you don't want to inconvenience anyone or cause more problems. You ask to little of people around you, expecting barely anything despite all you give.

"I'm...I'm going to...to drive."

"No. You're not. I'm going to come get you." You want to protest a lot more than you do if you're being honest. But, you're so tired and it's so hard to breathe and students wandering in late to school are staring at you like you're having a break down. So your protests are relatively lacklustre by your usual standard. That actually worries him more.

"It's...there's like 2 hours before the game...you've...you've got warm ups soon." You hate the idea of him missing warm ups or god forbid the game, all because you were too stupid to realise you shouldn't have gone into work in the first place.

"So, I'll get you, take you home and come back to the rink and play. I'll walk to the school tomorrow and collect your car so you don't have to worry about it. But, you aren't driving, baby. If you even try to get in that car I will being fucking pissed. I love you, you do not get in that car." You know he's serious in that moment, not just because he's very rarely angry at you or anyone but himself, outside of the rink, but because he's got that clipped tone he only uses when he's serious. This isn't a request, it's a direct order and you have no intention of disobeying it, not when you know he's right...not when it makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside that he's so insistent about your wellbeing.

"But, what...what if you miss warm ups?" He loves how much you support him and his hockey, he always will, but he hates that your first thought is that hockey should come first. His girlfriend can barely breathe right now and he quite honestly doesn't give a flying fuck if he misses warm ups. The team had to pull themselves together at some point and you came first. Always. If they couldn't manage warm ups without him then what was the point of paying them so much money?

"Warm ups aren't my priority, baby. You are. Do not get in the car. Do not drive. Do not move. I'm leaving right now, okay? Just sit on the steps of the school and take deep breaths." He's already grabbing his keys, not even bothering to change out of his gear other than putting some proper shoes on so that he can actually drive. He knows it'll spark some speculation and rumours, Captain of the Canucks storming out of the arena 2 hours before puck drop in full gear except his skates, but he doesn't fucking care about that right now.

"...Okay...thank you, Quinny. I love you." You say it because in that moment you have never felt so loved, to have someone drop everything, something so important, to come get you...Maybe its the meds, maybe its the breathlessness, the infection, but you feel like crying a little because of how sweet he is even when he's bossing you about.

"I'll see you soon, baby. I love you too."

He doesn't waste time once he hangs up, just turns straight to Tocc and tells him, "I'll be back."

The look he gets is a mixture of disbelief, frustration and confusion and he really can't blame Tocc for it. Not when Quinn is the captain, the player that seems to make a massive difference on the ice, and he's about to run out the doors 2 hours before the game? Yeah, he knows Tocc doesn't want to hear it.

"Quinn, where you going? We have a game in 2 hours?!" He knows he's going to be cutting it fine with Vancouver traffic and getting to your school, the apartment and back to the arena, but he's not letting you drive. He could live with missing a game, losing a game, but he couldn't live with himself if he let you drive home and something happened. His job was to look after you, if he failed at that? What was the fucking point?

"Tocc, I'll be back. I promise. But, right now my girlfriend is unable to breathe and dizzy and I'm not letting her drive home, okay? Sooner I leave, sooner I come back."

Maybe it's the insistence on Quinn's face, the reality that if he was forced to stay he wouldn't play well anyway. Maybe it's that you and Tocc get along and he can see a hint of concern in the other man's eyes or maybe Tocc just trusts him that much. But, he actually agrees to let him go. Not that Quinn could really be forced to stay. They'd have to tie him to the bench.

"Okay, I'm trusting you."

"Thanks."

Quinn ignores every single person he storms past, every employee, every fan outside, every person with a camera that starts asking him where he's going as he starts his car with one destination in mind. Maybe he seems rude, maybe he seems standoffish, but he doesn't really care because right now you are sat on the steps of a school struggling to breathe and he just wants to see you and get you home and into bed.

He doesn't even care that he knows Tocc is going to be questioned about his absence or that he can already hear his phone pinging with notifications from social media, most likely people asking where he was going and speculating.

'Just saw Quinn Hughes storm out of Rogers Arena in full gear, finally got fed up of his team?'

'Um, is anyone else panicking that Hughes just left the arena like 2 hours before puck drop?'

'Captain Lexapro has officially lost it with this team, just stormed out of the arena!!'

He tries his best not to break any traffic laws getting to you, despite the fact he has a lead foot that wants to press harder on the accelerator. But, he knows you'd hate it and you'd worry more about him getting a ticket, so he just grips the steering wheel tighter until he's turning into the school car park.

He doesn't try to park in a proper space, just pulls up as close to you as possible before hopping out. Your head is between your legs, shoulders rising and falling in laboured breaths and he feels like he's been punched in the stomach at how bad you sound.

"Oh, baby..." He's kneeling on the dirty ground within seconds and you try, through broken gasps to tell him he'll get his hockey socks dirty, but he doesn't listen to you, just reaches to pull you into a hug.

"Let's get you home, okay? Tomorrow we're going back to the doctors, okay?" You're leaning your head into his shoulder so heavily that he's worried you might actually pass out. It's like the moment his arms wrap around you, you just give up on holding yourself up. In truth, that's kind of what happens. You just want to lean into him, soak up the comfort of your boyfriend lighting petting your hair and whispering into your ear.

"Don't y-you have...practice?"

"I think I can fit the doctors in around practice, baby..." He doesn't tell you, but he'd forgo practice for you. He doesn't care about anything but how you're doing and you're not okay. Quinn can see that better than anyone.

"Alright, up you get..." He stands first, hands reaching for yours to help pull you to your feet. You sway before him like you're on a 16th century galleon in a thunderstorm, forehead plonking on his chest heavily, "Atta, girl. There we go." He just strokes your hair and back while you wait for the dizziness to pass, he knows each second will make him later to the arena but he's not going to rush you when you're struggling just to stand without fainting.

"Alright, let me get your stuff and then we'll take it one step at a time, baby, okay?"

"O..okay...one step...at a time." He tries his best not to let go of you completely as he bundles your work bag onto his shoulder. Quinn is as quick as he can be with it, before pulling you under his arm and helping you inch step by step towards the car.

It's slow going, every few steps you get a little dizzy and he waits for you to nod before he pushes you forward again. You're drained, dark circles under your eyes and skin losing some of its usual colour by the time you reach the car.

Quinn had purposefully pulled up the car with the passenger side facing you and you're thankful not to have to walk around the car as you brace yourself against the door for a moment. Quinn helps ease you into the seat, reaching over to put your seatbelt on for you and adjust the headrest so you can lean back. It eases some of the weight in your chest.

"Nearly home, okay, baby?"

You just nod, exhausted as his hands cup your cheeks tenderly, spreading a soft sort of affection through your already aching chest. He's so gentle as he looks down at you, fingers rubbing circles in your cheeks, but he looks so worried and you feel so guilty because he shouldn't have to be that worried.

"You've been so brave, baby, you're so brave...soon you'll be in bed and you can watch the game and sleep, okay?" He knows you'll want to watch the game if you're sat at home, mostly because you watch every game he plays even if its on catch up, but also because he knows it'll reassure you that he made it back in time.

You nod again, blinking up at him so tired that he can't help but frown.

"Atta, girl. My brave girl." The kiss Quinn presses to your forehead is short and sweet, not lingering but filling you with warmth and lightness even as he closes the door on you and gets into the driver's side.

You miss his comforting touch and as if he knows this, his hand reaches for your thigh at any given opportunity when it isn't in use to drive. The stability of it, the comfort of just having him there is so welcome and helps you to relax back into the seat as he drives.

It's just as hard work getting you into the apartment, thankful as ever that the elevator actually works, but once you're in, Quinn feels ten times lighter.

"Right, lets get you comfy, baby...you want one of my jerseys or a hoodie?"

"Jersey...the....the black one, please."

"Okay, sit down, there ya go, good girl.." He watches you the entire time from the corner of his eye, scared you'll lean too far forward from how you're hunched over on the edge of the bed. He tries to make the entire thing quick, reaching for his black jersey, the extra big one that he bought home because you liked how it dwarfed you and even dwarfed him.

"Arms up, baby..." He helps you out of your work blouse and your bra, slipping the jersey over the top quickly to avoid the shivers you start shaking with.

The worst part is getting you to your feet to get your bottoms off. Quinn helps you rise to your feet before kneeling in front of you, dragging your hands to his shoulders for support as he helps you inch out of the remainder of your work clothes. Your fingers grip his shoulders so tight that he's certain you might leave bruises but he doesn't really care, just happy to get you comfy and help you into bed.

You're bundled under as many blankets as he can find, plus the heated blanket you got at Christmas. A big jug of water beside the bed, snacks piled high because he is not having you try to go all the way to kitchen without supervision right now.

"You want the game set to go on?"

"Y...yes, please...wanna watch you play." He turns the television on, setting it to the NHL game set to go live in less than an hour now and he knows he's going to miss warm ups at this point. Tocc's probably blowing up his phone and he knows he's cutting it fine...but you look so small bundled up in bed and he actually hates the idea of leaving you alone. He hates not having his family near all the time as a general rule, but in that moment he hates it so much more. If his mum or dad had been near he could have asked Ellen or Jim to check in on you, instead you were going to be all alone and he hated it.

"I'll score for you, yeah? You can watch me score and maybe we'll win and then I'll come and make us dinner. That sound good, baby?"

"Perfect..." Quinn smooths your hair back from your face, tucking a strand behind your ear even as he uses it as an excuse to feel your temperature. Not unreasonably warm which reassures him a little that you're at least not feverish.

He just keeps sitting there next to you, stroking your hair and caressing your cheek to the point that as much as you're loathe to get him to stop and to leave, you have to remind him he can't stay here. He has a game he's already running late to.

"You...you have to go, Quinn...I'll be okay..."

"If you're not, you'll phone 911, right?" He smooths your hair back again, in truth he really doesn't want to leave you there like that. Even as you seem to be breathing a little better now you're lying down. He considers just not going, if they lose they lose...but he knows he can't. He's captain, he promised he'd be back...and you'd be unhappy with him. He might be your boyfriend but the Canucks were your team and you'd likely make him sleep on the couch for a week.

"I promise...just go win for me?"

"Okay, sweet girl." He presses a last lingering kiss to your forehead, before getting up to leave. But, he still lingers in the doorway for a moment until you push him to go.

Once he's out of the apartment he's rushing. Barely any time and honestly when he finally gets back to the arena and gets his skates on he's surprised he's just in time to go out on the ice for the anthem...cold, not warmed up in the slightest, not ready at all to play a game, but willing to.

Tocc stops him as he's passing the bench to get to the ice, "Cutting it fine, Hughes!" despite the gruff tone, Quinn can tell that Tocc is just relieved that Quinn's back in time. As are the guys who all look at him with varying shades of relief as if they'd been freaking out the entire time. Which they probably had.

"Told you I'd be back." Quinn says it with such confidence, even though inside he knows he nearly missed the entire game. To be honest if you hadn't forced him out the apartment then he'd probably have been late at best.

"How is she?" Tocc's voice is soft, concerned and Quinn appreciates it. He appreciates that as a coach Tocc doesn't just care about how much they cost or how well they play, he cares about them and their families too...and you're included in that, ring or not.

"Not good...but safe at home."

"You need practice off tomorrow?"

"Please, I need to get her to the doctors..."

"Done. Now go help us win the game." Tocc gives him a clap on the shoulder before pushing him out onto the ice and just like that Quinn slips into captain mode.

Locked in like he always is even if his legs don't feel as loose and his stick feels a little less familiar in his hands. Knowing you're home safe helps, he can put the thought of you to the back of his mind, knowing you're safe in the apartment, comfortable and surrounded by everything you need.

You find it hard to focus on the game, but force yourself to, determined to watch Quinn play and to see the goal he intends to score for you. Maybe it's silly, there's no guarantee he'll actually score, but you can tell from the moment he's on the ice that it's one of the few things on his mind. Shot after shot after shot, a determined series of attempts that remind you how important you are to him even as you lie wheezing in bed, eating as much chocolate as Quinn put out for you.

It's part way through the first period with one goal already to Vancouver thanks to Petey that the issue of Quinn's disappearance pre-game is raised.

"Quinn Hughes was nearly late to the game today, the captain missed warm ups but that's certainly not stopping him now!" Shortie's voice rings through the room, a familiar cadence that makes you feel comforted.

"No, it's not, Shortie, do we know why Hughes was late?" Dave responds and for a moment you can't quite comprehend that you've managed to cause this much of a ruckus.

"It hasn't been confirmed and you know I'm not much of a gossip..." You have a little giggle a Shortie even as you are the topic of conversation because it's not really much in the way of gossip and it's so silly.

"But?"

"Apparently he had a family emergency, his girlfriend is very unwell and he dropped everything to go get her."

"Well, that's just.."

"Romantic? Sweet?"

"I was going to say so unlike the Quinn Hughes we used to know, the one who only thought about hockey." You think back to Quinn when you first met, how everything had been hockey, hockey, hockey. You hadn't minded, your own love of the sport meant that you could handle it. But, it's true...Quinn had been rethinking his priorities ever since you started dating, where he might have prioritised hockey once, he'd started to prioritise you. You're not entirely sure at what point you became that important in his life, but it made you feel warm and fuzzy all over.

"I think it's a good thing, that's a sign of growth, just like Hughes' shot!" Shortie cuts himself off as you watch the camera pan to Quinn, following his agile movements across the ice as he skips past the other team's players as if it's as easy as breathing, "He's in past the defence, he lines up the shot and an unassisted goal for Quinn Hughes! Vancouver goal!"

You smile wide as you watch Quinn grin, celebrating with his team in a series of hugs before he finds a camera. There's a moment where you know he's grinning at you, for you, a cheeky little wink sent through the screen as if to say 'told you I'd score for you'.

"I suspect that one was for the girlfriend, Shortie."

You watch the entire game, trying not to nod off to sleep between periods. While you can't cheer and you certainly don't have the energy to celebrate too hard, every Canuck goal makes you feel lighter and brings a smile to your face.

The end result of a 5-2 win to the Canucks makes it easy for you to drift off as the game ends and the waiting for Quinn begins.

He's running off a high when the game ends, even more so when Boeser offers to take over press duties so Quinn can get back to you quickly.

The apartment is quiet when he comes in, "Baby?" not a sound comes back in response and he's careful to move quietly through the apartment to the bedroom doorway.

You're fast asleep, breathing heavy but nowhere near as bad as earlier in the day, you're surrounded by chocolate wrappers and he's quiet as he picks them all up and puts them in a bin, replacing them with the puck he scored with on your bedside table.

He tiptoes back to the kitchen quietly pottering around to make some dinner for you while you're still asleep, nothing fancy but protein, carbs and veg. The sort of thing that's definitely boring but also definitely what your body needs right now.

"Baby, time to wake up...I've made you dinner." He's gentle when he wakes you, soft fingers down your cheek as you stir awake, blinking up at him bleary eyed. Quinn helps you sit upright, the tray of food settling neatly in your lap.

"Where's...where's yours?"

"On the table, you want me to eat in here with you, sweetheart?"

He's moving before you finish nodding, grabbing another tray and his plate before joining you on the bed. He spends most of his dinner watching you eat, making sure you're not leaving large amounts and that you're okay.

He's happy about the win, happy about the score, but he's mostly just happy to be back with you and knowing that you're eating and you're okay, if not well.

Quinn's quick to tidy up your trays and even quicker to get back to you and get into a pair of boxers and a t-shirt, sliding under the covers with you and pulling you into his arms.

Your cheek rests against his chest, the steady thump of his heart a soothing sound that helps some of the anxiety about being off work ease off. Quinn's fingers caress circles and weird shapes across your arm and shoulder as he tucks you tight against him, legs twined together. Every so often he presses a kiss to your forehead, your cheek, the top of your hair, as if reassuring himself that you're okay and he's got you.

"You scored..." You mumble into his t-shirt, a small smile working it's way to your lips as his hand moves up to run through your hair, stopping at your scalp every now and then to scratch lightly until you feel like purring even if that purr is more of a wheezy rumble.

"Mmm, for you, baby." Quinn smiles down at you, another kiss pressed to your cheek.

"T...the wink?" His smile weakens slightly at your still stumbling breathlessness and the wheeze and crackle that accompany it.

"Just for you, sweet girl."

"I'm...I'm proud of you, y'know?" You smile up at him so sweetly that he can't help but feel certain in his choices today. Yeah, nearly missing a game was rough, and maybe the press are going to be dicks about it and maybe he would have felt guilty if he'd missed the game or they'd lost...but he knows he'd skip a million games if it meant you were being looked after, were safe.

"I know...and tomorrow you're going to show me how proud you are by letting me take you to the doctors again."

"Ugh..." You groan, hiding your face into his chest like that will stop him from dragging you to the doctors. Your stubbornness normally cute but in this moment less so.

Quinn cups the back of your head until your looking up at him, green eyes meeting yours with a pleading stare that makes your resolve tremble and shudder. "Please? I'm worried about you, baby...I was really scared when I got that text from you."

"Yeah?" You hate that you worried him...it's that worry that makes you concede that maybe you need to go back to the doctors and maybe as much as you hate it, you'll do it, for Quinn.

"Yeah. I can replace hockey, I can play another game if I miss one. But, I can't replace you. Let me take you to the doctors."

There's a beat of silence as he pleads with you, eyes soft, worried, gentle, thumb stroking soothingly across the base of your neck and you can't really deny him this. Not when you know you'd feel exactly the same if the roles were reversed, not when he nearly missed a game for you today and went in completely cold turkey to win it.

"Okay...as...as long as you keep cuddling me."

"I think I can do that, baby." You curl back into his arms like the spot was carved just for you and in that moment Quinn Hughes knows that you have fully hit the top of his priority list, no ands, ifs, buts or maybes. You could ask him to quit hockey tomorrow and he'd do it. He'd do anything for you and that should be terrifying, but it's not because he knows you'd never ask too much of him. If anything you ask too little.

[infinitelystrangemachinex]

Jayce and the fallacy of the butterfly effect in Arcane's narrative

If Jayce's symbol is the butterfly, then my theory is that we're going into a full "butterfly effect" narrative in Act 2. Either we'll watch it happen, or we'll only see Jayce come out the other side of it changed by the experience, knowing - or more importantly, THINKING he knows - what to do to change the future. Literally, to "defend tomorrow."

tl;dr: Jayce will encounter the butterfly effect in season 2. Viktor and Mel both foreshadowed this in season 1. I think Jayce will fixate on Viktor and will believe that stopping or changing Viktor either in the past or the present - most likely the present - will mean he can save the future. I believe this will lead to an even worse tragedy and may have the same effect as a self-fulfilling prophecy. Ekko's approach to changing the future by sticking closer to the present - considering only tiny increments of time to alter more immediate future outcomes - will be the superior approach. I also think that Jayce attempting to change the future will create the conditions that push Viktor to become the Machine Herald.

One of the most common reactions even the casual viewer had to Arcane season 1 was this: "If [character] had just done this one small thing a little differently, [tragic event] wouldn't have happened!"

Arcane has been called a Greek tragedy for the main reason that because of how well built up the characters' personalities and reasonings are, there's no other way season 1 could have gone. There was no stopping the multiple tragedies that occurred, because with one event leading to another, the chain of seemingly inevitable events goes too far back to identify what one singular event caused everything, what one character made what one decision to put our characters on the terrible paths they walked.

Arcane is about to investigate this idea in its own narrative, and I think that Jayce will be the character to stumble into the flawed idea that you can change one event, or stop one character, and change the future for the better. This is because Jayce struggles with a few very interesting character flaws, one of them being that he believes himself to be the main character, and it is therefore his responsibility to intervene, be a hero, and fix things.

Viktor and Mel both foreshadow Jayce's future encounter with the butterfly effect.

Recall that Viktor said: "There is always a choice."

Jayce sees choices in black and white, believes that he has no other options but to go along with what he's persuaded and pushed into, and acts too boldly with too much power multiple times.

Recall that Mel said: "We can't change what fate has in store for us, but we don't have to face it alone."

Jayce tries to solve big problems on his own, and though he delegates to Enforcers and the like, Jayce relies on his reasoning and his alone to make important decisions if he doesn't simply become persuaded - usually through strong emotions like fear - by other characters. In addition, since Mel is specifically talking about Viktor's plight here, it's worth mentioning that while Jayce did say that he would help Viktor in acts 2 and 3 of season 1, Jayce does wind up leaving Viktor to face his fate alone. When Jayce tries to change that fate in s2 ep1, ep2 shows that only tragedy can come of this as well.

Viktor and Mel's statements here are not contradictory. Viktor makes the point that you can always make a choice. In context, he's literally referring to the classic "secret third option," because given a choice between aggression and passivity, war and surrender, Viktor chooses to defuse the bomb instead. Mel, interestingly, seems to believe that destiny is fixed in a broad sense, and she operates as a politician and diplomat and investor who navigates that line of destiny in the most optimal way possible. In reality, in context, she is referring to the fact that Viktor can't change the way he was born and so he has no way to change his fate and therefore must face it, which is true - she's only missing the information that Viktor actually does have the means to change his illness and his body. Her wisdom still applies however, because he'll have to accept the hand that fate deals him after he makes that choice. Will he face it alone, or not?

There is always a choice, there's even secret third options, because having a fate doesn't mean that you are doomed to make only one possible series of choices. What it does mean is that each choice comes with a hand that fate deals you. It is impossible to know what all of these branching choices and consequences are in advance, and it is just as impossible in hindsight - the branches are too complex and the end outcomes are all equally meaningful, just different. If Arcane season 2 is to be a tragedy, it may show us that each possible outcome is still tragic if you fall for the fallacy of the butterfly effect.

Jayce is counseled by some of the wisest, cleverest characters with the deepest life experiences in Arcane, but he hardly ever takes that counsel to heart. If he does, he still acts on that counsel in flawed ways that have unintended consequences. This will come to a head in season 2.

Viktor and Jayce both have a butterfly following them around in season 1. The butterfly effect refers to one small seemingly insignificant event changing the course of history, and changing that event therefore changes history. Viktor bled over the railing of a Hexgate in season 1:

And Heimerdinger sees what we can only assume is Viktor's blood contaminating (?) the Hexgate in s2 ep3:

This might be the seemingly unimportant "inciting incident" that Jayce (and Heimerdinger and Ekko) settle on as something that should be avoided or erased by changing the past (if they time-travel with Ekko, for example).

I doubt that, if this is what this crew chooses to fixate on, it will be the only event that is considered as something to change. But let's take this and run with it for the sake of discussion.

As silly as it sounds, how do you stop Viktor from allowing his blood to come into contact with the arcane? Stop Viktor's involvement with the Academy entirely? Don't invent Hextech at all? But what if someone else invents Hextech besides Jayce? What if future tragedy befalls Piltover because it didn't invent Hextech?

The possibilities and what-ifs could branch on forever. But because Jayce is who he is, and because his tragedy with Viktor is still raw and recent and frightening, I think Jayce's butterfly effect experience will have to do with Viktor.

My personal prediction is that the timeskip between s2 ep3 and ep4 will be Jayce experiencing a timeline where Viktor, taken over by the Hexcore, brings about an apocalyptic event similar to what Heimerdinger experienced in his past. Either Jayce and co. can't go into the past to change the present, or Heimerdinger and/or Ekko advise strongly against it to avoid a paradox. This will lead to them re-entering the canon Arcane timeline before this apocalypse, but still after the timeskip. Jayce, believing that destroying Viktor and his cult will save the future, and believing that resurrecting Viktor was Jayce's mistake to fix, attacks him. But the consequences don't unfold the way he hopes, because trying to change fate once the cards have already been dealt has led to tragedy before.

The butterfly is a symbol of something other than just the butterfly effect - change, evolution, and rebirth. If the butterfly symbolizes the butterfly effect for Jayce, then I think it has a different meaning for Viktor - the change and rebirth meaning.

I've always found it very interesting that we see a similar-looking butterfly on Progress Day... but made of metal.

Every time Viktor's situation changes, he adapts and evolves. If Jayce attacks him, if his cult is destroyed, if the Hexcore is causing Viktor to decay, if all of these things happen at once - he'll just evolve again, and I think the Machine Herald is the next step. And the Machine Herald will be a triumph for Viktor, but Jayce will believe that he's created something even worse. The resulting feud will be a personal nightmare for both of them.

I think this still allows Viktor to use his own agency to choose to become the Machine Herald (the MH will probably be the "secret third option" that saves Viktor, or there will be a secret third option that ends the feud) while still allowing Jayce to be offended and horrified at whatever the Machine Herald represents or is trying to do in the undercity. Introducing the element of time travel allows Arcane to explore the meta concept of tragedy and fate that season 1 was built on while showing that you can't "solve" a tragedy, because there are other terrible possibilities lurking behind alternate choices. Especially if what you're trying to change is singular people or events and not systems of power.

This is why Ekko's approach with his Z-drive will be superior to Jayce's sweeping attempt at changing the future. Ekko's goal has always been societal change. He creates his own punk society in the undercity, more progressive and successful than anything Vander or Silco ever created, and a better bastion of safety, hope, and progress than what Heimerdinger founded in Piltover. Trying to change systems by going back in time is most likely futile. But taking what Ekko has already built in the Firelights, curing his tree, and fighting for the Firelights' survival bit by bit by optimizing the present with the Z-drive shows that:

It's more worth it to focus on becoming wise (Ekko's mask is an owl) and making choices you won't regret

It's best if you don't face your fate alone (act as a collective and take care of each other)

Consider every option, not just the obvious black and white choices

Maintain and fix what you've already built instead of abandoning it once things get difficult

Adapt as needed if the choices you made lead to dark consequences, and once again, stick together and take care of each other when the bad times do come

That's my Act 2 but, ultimately, my season 2 prediction based on the butterfly symbolism we've already seen. Ekko's involvement is what will give the series the at least partial happy ending that the creators have referred to. I personally don't think that the Viktor/Jayce feud will end quite so well, but maybe, they will still survive.

[senseandaccountability]

the narrative that could have been

Having mulled over the game for a couple of days I have realised that the main problem for me is that Veilguard is good based on the premises they ultimately choose, but not based on the set up and promise of what was there before. I know this isn’t a unique take by any means and yes it’s all about the Evanuris and the Veil and Solas. 

Replaying really emphasises how incredibly little the game convinces me of its original main quest - to prevent Solas from doing his ritual. This is a problem as a long-term player because for three games we’ve had build up for a great crescendo tackling the overarching themes of the (restrictions and oppression of) magic, of tears in the Veil, of religious tyranny and oppression based on myths about the Black City and the temptations of flawed humans, we’ve seen and deconstructed the elves quite a bit, we got started on the dwarves and in DAI your Inquisitor can openly ask Solas if it wouldn’t be better if the Veil came down because then spirits wouldn’t be separated from the living and risk becoming demons. Cole, whose function is to reflect the plot, talks endlessly about the old songs wanting to be sung again, about how it hurts to be cut off from part of yourself, how the templars feel it, how the mages feel it, how the elves and the dwarves feel it. The Veil as a prerequisite for life has been deconstructed, the Fade demystified, the gods have mostly fallen. The Veil as an actual wound inflicted on this earth has been presented as a theory and not been convincingly rejected by the narrative. 

The game actually gives no explanation whatsoever as to why the Veil coming down would be worse than what Rook causes in the beginning and what the escaped gods then do to the entire Thedas. The entire south falls to the Blight because Elgar’nan and Ghilan'nain are let loose. The Wardens are more or less wiped out. There’s enormous political turmoil. The game gives us Solas saying “thousands” would die when he brought the Veil down, but that he had a host of spirits there to help. (Yes, I know, his sole function in this game is to Trick and Deceive so who is to say if he’s lying, HUH, but even so, THE ENTIRE SOUTH FALLS TO THE BLIGHT IN ROOK’S VERSION OF THINGS.)

The game puts emphasis on Solas's questionable methods and past horrors but it doesn't ever explain why his goals are despicable here and now. It doesn't convince us that tearing down the Veil with lots of safety measures in place and after considerations is a bad result, all things considered - save for Varric’s initial yelling about demons. (We even learned in DAI that the Veil itself creates demons because it restricts the passage of spirits, come on.) Because three games have suggested it's not, not ultimately. Trespasser especially nuances this, just as it nuances Solas’s view of this current world state. Right after his long nap he would have nuked it all, I’m sure, but the whole point of character arcs is that things happen in them and what happened to him is that he was shown layers and angles he had not considered and adjusted his mindset and ultimately his plan accordingly. That is where DAV should have picked it up. That's where the build up was headed. But, now he must serve the narrative solely as the God of Treachery and Lies which means that previous build up is washed away for the most part. (In no way do I think he is OOC in DAV, I just want to point that out so nobody thinks I’m a sappy fangirl or whatever. I think he is perfectly in tune with his inner Dread Wolf, but that is also all he gets to be, because of the narrative, and I’m always much more interested in when roles and personas clash.) Again. The main problem is that the narrative cannot explain why bringing down the Veil would be the worse option than the shit we see unfold on screen. Instead it gets a bit lost in the past.  And I have Issues with that, as well.  Like, the dumbing down of the war against the Evanuris. The war that started because the leaders of the rebellion - who previously had to carry out terrible orders so the Evanuris, the upper crust of the Elvhenan, could play gods - decided that the Evanuris was a threat to them all. And the game gives us what, a depiction of how the rebellion ended up crossing lines, too? No shit.

Like, I am fully on board with the individual theme of regret on Solas’s part and he ought to be wrecked with guilt but I wish the game could be less all over the place with what sort of things he ought to be wrecked with guilt over. Saying fuck you to the Evanuris is the best and brightest of his character, I suppose I just don't want it dragged down to the same level as him breaking the Titans. I suppose I would have wished for a narrative that also worked on a systemic level when depicting things like, you know, war and revolutions and subjugation. But we don't have that, because DAV is only about personal choices. The Lighthouse crew flippantly writing the hierarchical and violent power struggle off as being about love and betrayal is on my shitlist forever. 

No, Taash et al, it was not about pussy, it was about feeling compelled by superiors to commit heinous war crimes and being lied to about the actual purposes of your damn war in the first place. The elves shouting at Elgar’nan and Mythal in this painting aren’t driven by love and sex they have been lied to by their ruling class. It was never about freedom or ending the wars, it was always about Elgar’nan jerking off to ultimate godhood. The writing even suggests betrayal here is to be understood as Netflix drama betrayal, maybe some juicy porny plot but it’s ABOUT THE BETRAYAL OF THE ELVES BY THEIR OWN KIN.  ((ETA: I would have wanted my Dalish mage to be allowed to be furious, NOT WITH SOLAS, but with the fucking Evanuris for betraying her people and being so fucking vile that the only option that remained was to create a world where she's a second-class citizen. I would have wanted the game to recognize that not all causes are equal and that Elgar'nan's cause for godhood was objectively more vile than Solas's cause for freedom because as it stands now, there are some really iffy vibes of "both sides are equally bad" and other things authorities tend to say when comparing destructive regimes with uprisings.)) I’m sorry, this shit hits me on a personal and political rage level. 

I also can’t help but mourn a game where the Trickster God fulfilled his trope’s duty and shook the stagnation apart with his actions - for good or ill, the way trickster gods are wont to do - and where Rook was tricked into helping and then, a more complex game about its consequences could have unfolded. The Evanuris could still have been the bad guys, if they wanted big villains frothing at the mouth. There could still have been numerous unplanned consequences, like all of Solas's plans have. Maybe other ancients awake as well. Maybe ancient evils who aren’t elves, who knows. Point is - the Veil should have come down, at least in some form, at least in some outcome. THAT is what they've been building up to. In this game that never was, Rook could be an actual interesting character where we could mold her as either accepting of this trickster role (which fits perfectly for a blank slate with no ties) or set to overturn it and enforce status quo, with some vanilla option in the middle. Maybe the Veil doesn’t come down until the very end of the game, ancient magic takes time after all, maybe a lot has happened by then. But ultimately, Rook’s choice in the end should not have been about siding against Solas because he’s lying to you or because he did horrible things in the past or siding with him because you want him redeemed. The narrative should have provided those options either way. The narrative should have been brave enough to suggest that hey, maybe Solas isn't wrong at all - his methods maybe, but his goal, no. If they truly wanted mirrors between Rook and Solas, Rook should have tackled the issue of actively bringing down the Veil herself, not because it's a roses and sunshine-outcome but because it might very well be the lesser of two evils. Gods, that would have been interesting. It should have been a choice about what sort of world Rook and the Veilguard wants to see in the future. It should have been about the people, the world, not how angry Rook is that an ancient elf has tricked her. 

That would have been the game I wanted to play.  This story doesn't really give anything new to the world of Thedas, which a world without the Veil would have. It accomplishes closure for our favourite trickster god and bless them for that, but as for the plot and the world-building it ends on a meh because the narrative isn't about the people unless they're brought up as being endangered. This is why I can feel satisfaction regarding the thematic conclusion to certain character arcs, the trickster becomes the healer with the bloodiest hands, the wolf submits willingly to his trap and so on and so forth, and I can have fun with the characters and their arcs but also really mourn the game that was there, in subtext and build up over three previous games and in several tie-ins.

[deadlysoupy]

gonna just go out and say it: i will always advocate for "starscream's relationships should be considered from both sides of the coin, and not centre around starscream himself a hundred percent of the time". like, yes, obviously star's character is crucial in any relationship you put him in, but i feel like people forget that there is. another bot in there too. like. star isn't the only one allowed to have problems yknow?

i like doomed skystar bc they don't see eye to eye in the end. skyfire/jetfire (i like calling him skyfire but whatever) saw the horror that is decepticons in almost any timeline/continuity and decided "this isn't for me, this is wrong, this is immoral", and starscream just gets so angry he almost kills the guy. like ultimately it's about skyfire choosing a different life and standing up for what's right, and it's NOT ABOUT starscream as a whole, it's just that star is part of the problem (and maybe had starscream been a different person they would have worked out, maybe if the war didn't happen they would be happy but he isn't and it did, so we have what we have)

starbee as a whole is very "i can fix him" x "i can make him worse" relationship, BUT where it differs from skystar is they actually have time to develop and they don't go to extremes immediately (mostly bc they can't, by circumstances, kill one another physically). and the main point is that they're BOTH extremely sad and extremely messed up, BOTH OF THEMMMM. like i can't even stress this enough, as we discuss more and more of bee's "infantilisation" people keep screaming "he's not a child! he has a dick and smokes cigarettes" but fail to bring any actual depth to him (this is another conversation entirely but stay with me please), and that's where relationships he has with others can ACTUALLY HELP, because, guess what, starbee is a two-way street! yes starscream causes most of the problems just by being himself, but bumblebee just doesn't EXPRESS problems because HE KEEPS THEM TO HIMSELF ON PURPOSE. and most people just fall for it! like they see bee and go "haha therapbee he's starscream's guy to yell at and talk to" BUT LIKE. it's a defence mechanism. bee doesn't talk about himself because he can't. the crux of their relationship is that they're BOTH pretentious and they NEED to talk out THEIR problems, not JUST starscream's

got a little pissed off at the end there sorry but i don't know it's just something that started killing me recently. it's not just about starscream. he's VERY easy to give problems, yes, but let's think about WHY for a second. as i write my second starbee slow burn i just think like wow its as if bumblebee is a set piece for starscream's growth and not a cog that sets in motion both of their development. wow

[itsclydebitches]

Just finished Good Omens 2 and I'm honestly boggling at the Aziraphale hate because yes, his decision led to the angsty cliffhanger, but it makes SO much sense for his character. Not just in a "Religious brainwashing and sunk-cost fallacy" kinda way but also a "Aziraphale has no reason to believe this isn't the perfect solution" way. That scene among the nebula is crucial because it establishes that Crowley loved being an angel—reveled in his ability to create and allow his creations to grow kinda like plants—and the only problem was that someone else was calling the shots, someone who wouldn't listen to his criticism. Aziraphale has also spent 6,000+ years watching Crowley do good, all the while forced to deny the fact that he's "nice" lest embracing his original nature get him into trouble with hell. Now, Metatron comes along with an offer that fixes everything in one fell swoop. Crowley can be an angel again, be nice without censure, his ideas and criticisms will hold weight because he'll be answering to Aziraphale, and they'll be together.

It strikes me that Aziraphale isn't there when Crowley sees Gabriel's trial, ergo he likewise doesn't see the (non)acknowledgement that there's an institutional problem up in Heaven. There just happen to have been two archangels who called it quits. Same when Gabriel blurts that phrase out to Crowley. Aziraphale has always been more blind to the ways in which Heaven is "toxic" (for very understandable reasons) and this season he's continually sheltered from new evidence of its structural problems. The plot just preaches to the choir: Crowley. He likewise wouldn't see the conflict Gabriel and Beelzebub have caused as evidence of an underlying problem because that's a problem he and Crowley will no longer share. Why would they be worried about Heaven still being unable to accept partnerships between angels and demons when Crowley will no longer be a demon? And that's something he presumably wants based on Aziraphale's memories of him and the ongoing admission that he's lonely.

The way I see it, they got what they thought they wanted at the start of Season 2. Heaven and Hell are keeping an eye on them, but functionally they're left alone. Crowley can spend all the time he wants with Aziraphale and nothing comes of that except that they're both continually named traitors and the higher-ups grumble about it. If Gabriel had never shown up, things should have been perfect based on Crowley's "Let's just run away and have each other's company" standards. Better, even, considering that they get to be together on their beloved Earth, rather than being bored out in Alpha Centauri without any sushi, plants, books, or Bentleys. And yet... Crowley doesn't strike me as particularly happy. Because, you know, based on that kiss he wants to be with Aziraphale, not just literally be with him, but the point of this post is that his "Let's run away and be an 'us'" falls totally flat when he doesn't explain that specific desire to Aziraphale; the desire to change what an 'us' means. From Aziraphale's perspective they're already an 'us.' That was the entire point of "our side" in Season 1 and now they can continue to be 'us' up in Heaven. Plus, Aziraphale likely sees this as a sacrifice on his part. He will give up his bookshop, his Earthly indulgences, take on the responsibilities of leadership (which I don't think he actually wants for a variety of reasons), and spend the rest of eternity in a place where he's felt so small because he thinks that's what Crowley wants. Crowley was happy as an angel. Crowley wanted them to be together without risk of permanent discorporation. They were able to achieve that after not-Armageddon and he still wasn't happy... so surely those two things together will do the trick. Crowley never actually articulates how he wants their relationship to change and the kiss comes much too late, when he's already rejected what Aziraphale must see as a perfect, selfless solution he's secured for them. Even if Crowley wasn't always moving too fast for him, an overture of romance isn't going to go well after that.

Is this crushing and angsty and devastating as a hiatus? Damn straight, my heart it breaking. But it's a good setup. More importantly, it makes perfect sense for their characters, particularly when they're still talking past one another. Aziraphale is someone who has always moved more slowly as a matter of course, as an angel he has remained immersed in the rhetoric of Heaven, his main avenue of breaking free of that (Crowley) has a huge communication problem (to say nothing of his own denial. He only made headway with the help of Nina and Maggie, seconds before Aziraphale shows up), and Metatron (in a no doubt incredibly manipulative manner) has just offered Aziraphale a job that presumably makes him happy AND Crowley happy AND allows him to maintain the moral this-is-how-the-universe-works perspective he's had since he was literally created. Of course he's going to say yes to all that!! And sure, there are problems in Heaven, Aziraphale isn't completely blind, but he can fix them now that he's in charge. How? Well... he'll figure that out later! Kinda like how he's been making plans on the fly this entire season. That seems logical from his perspective, right? It's not like he's gotten a crash-course in the concept of the master's tools never being able to dismantle the master's house...

[manikas-whims]

request for LADS

what if u have to fake date the guys for some reason but its starts becomin difficult for ur heart cuz you start catching feelings

thank you 🙏

thanks for this request! ♡ i went a lil overboard with this LOL. WARNING ⚠️ long post..

Fake Dating the Love and Deepspace men but you catch feelings pt. 1

ZAYNE

❄️ Tara keeps trying to set you up with one of her colleagues, and no matter how subtle she acts about it, you're getting tired of it. Thus, you come to this decision! You request Zayne to play your fake boyfriend for a while.

❄️ The matter of his own feelings aside, Zayne just thinks that fake dating someone to avoid potential dates is incredibly crazy. “You can simply ask your friend to stop.”

❄️ His suggestion is baffling. You feel like an idiot for ignoring the obvious solution. But only a moment later realize that even asking her to stop won't likely deter Tara. At least not until she sees you with a person better than any of her chosen candidates.

❄️ So you decide to let go of the little self-respect you have and beg Zayne to do this for you. He is amused by this ridiculous proposition but agrees nonetheless since he can never really say no to you.

❄️ It's an amazing experience cause Zayne is the perfect boyfriend anyone could ever ask for— handsome, smart, caring, strict when needed, protective and very accommodating.

❄️ The first time Tara meets him, her eyes literally glow with admiration. And she pats your back like a proud aunt, winking suggestively as she does so.

❄️ However, Zayne has always been great at adapting to the situations at hand and soon your arrangement starts becoming a bit of a problem for your delicate heart.

❄️ It is one thing to show him off to your colleagues. But Zayne has started doing stuff like dropping you home everyday after work, his only explanation being “that's what he would do if he was your REAL boyfriend”.

❄️ And this isn't all. He's taking breaks in the afternoon to have lunch with you everyday and make sure you don't miss any meals. He slips your hand inside his coat pocket on particularly colder days. He even focuses on the little things like wiping a coffee stain from your bottom lip or gently pushing the stray strands of hair behind your ear. All this while, his explanation is: it's what he would do if he were your real boyfriend. And you aren't sure your heart will manage long if this goes on.

❄️ The real issue arises when one of your colleagues point out how they've never seen you kiss. And this makes Tara perk-up too.

❄️ In your defense, you spout some nonsense about how Zayne is kinda shy by nature and doesn't believe in PDA much. “When we're alone, he's very passionate.”

❄️ This leads to Tara and a bunch of colleagues secretly tailing you when Zayne comes to pick you up one evening. For they also wanna see this passionate side of him.

❄️ “Um..Zayne, can we kiss?” You whisper, your eyes averted, and fingers fiddling in nervousness. Its not that you are worried about the "kissing" part. Thats easy. You are actually worried about kissing Zayne.

❄️ As for Zayne, he is confused and shocked at first. Even blushes a little. But thanks to his perceptive nature, he quickly spots your colleagues and understands.

❄️ So as you clumsily teeter closer to him and raise yourself on your feet to reach his height, he chuckles at your efforts as well as the pained expression on your face.

❄️ “Relax.” He commands and magically, his words do calm your nerves a little.

❄️ He smiles then, his big arms wrapping smoothly around your waist as he lowers his head and lets his lips gently linger against yours, igniting a desire within you.

❄️ When he finally pulls back moments later, you nearly loose your footing.

❄️ This is it. The last shred of your sanity blown away. It may have only been a few moments but the kiss leaves an impact on you. Your heart can't take it anymore. Because you enjoyed the kiss more than you should have. And its made you realise that you may have actual feelings for Zayne.

XAVIER

⭐ There's this creepy resident at your apartment complex who's been trying to make moves on you but he's just been so nice and subtle about it that you have no idea how to turn him down. Thus, instead of that, you ask Xavier to play your fake boyfriend for a while.

⭐ “This doesn't seem like a good idea.” He says, hesitantly scratching his cheek.

⭐ Xavier also believes beating the shit out of the guy is a better option, and a permanent solution. But again, you can't do that because the guy hasn't actually done anything threatening or concerning. Thus, any sort of unwarranted violence against such a guy will only result in more problems for Xavier and You.

⭐ So Xavier sighs, and nods with a smile. “Fine. What do you need me to do?”

⭐ “Just do things only a boyfriend would do whenever that guy is around.” You tell him and he nods.

⭐ And so it starts with you dragging Xavier out for morning laps and evening walks around the complex, and you always make sure to hold onto Xavier's arm whenever you spot the strange guy.

⭐ But as the days go by, you sense as if Xavier may be a little too good at his new job.

⭐ One evening as you are working out at the gym on the top floor of the apartment complex, the guy walks in and approaches you. To your annoyance, he begins his usual small talk. But he's barely strung two words together when you feel the warmth of a hand gliding along your waist.

⭐ You look up to find Xavier, his clothes sweaty from workout. He tucks his chin on top off your head, his arm around your waist tightening ever so slightly. “Do you know this guy?”

⭐ It takes a moment for you to realise you're gawking! At the same guy you had asked to pretend to be your boyfriend. And it's not just his fingers stroking circles on your belly but also the way his voice sounds more intimate!??

⭐ Quickly, you compose yourself and stammer a response. “N-Not really. He's a resident just like us.”

⭐ And with that said, you're being steered out of the gym, Xavier's arm never leaving your waist.

⭐ Ever since you've known him, he rarely breaches your personal space without permission. A gentleman through and through. It's you who's been messing with his hair, squishing his cheeks and poking his chest to tease him all this time.

⭐ But ever since you asked him to play boyfriend, he's the one initiating skinship at the most unexpected moments. It's as if this fake dating arrangement has given him a free pass to do everything he usually holds back from.

⭐ Now he holds your hand whenever you're walking together, idly plays with your hair strands when hanging out at your place, and ALWAYS makes sure his arms are around your waist or face nuzzling your neck in the presence of that strange guy.

⭐ You may have been the one who requested him to do this but you aren't so sure about this whole thing anymore.

⭐ A few weeks have passed but the guy is persistent. Now he's always trying to find you when he's sure Xavier won't be around.

⭐ “It's not working. We need to do something more convincing.” You say in a deflated tone. You and Xavier are standing in the hallway of your floor, having just returned from a mission.

⭐ And that creep is lurking at the end of the floor by the elevator, waiting for Xavier to leave so he can ask you out yet again.

⭐ Xavier tucks a hand under his chin, his nose scrunching in thought. “Something more you say..”

⭐ Then in the very next moment, he pushes you against your own apartment door, a hand coming to rest upon it to keep you in place; his other hand gently cradles your face, arching it slightly before he presses his lips against your own.

⭐ Only a moment later he pulls away, then kisses you again. This time with more fervor than needed to fake it. And when he breaks the kiss again, his lips gravitate towards your neck.

⭐ “Xa..Xavier..?” You're stunned. You're not even sure how you are meant to react.

⭐ Xavier pushes away from you slightly and turns his head, his gaze directed right at the strange man. “She’s mine.” He asserts.

⭐ The man is as shocked as you are and immediately runs away.

⭐ Xavier looks back at you and flashes his usual soft smile. “This should convince him enough.”

⭐ Seriously!? Who cares about that guy anymore? Your heart is the most convinced that you may possibly be falling for Xavier.

RAFAYEL

🌊 “Miss Bodyguard, would you like to date me?” Rafayel asks one day out of the blue, and you are left feeling equal parts flustered and confused because WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!?

🌊 He enjoys watching you trying to act nonchalant when your fidgety movements and flushed cheeks clearly tell him otherwise.

🌊 Finally he explains how he has accumulated quite the fanbase, thanks to not just his art but his gorgeous looks. And now these same loving fans are becoming slightly toxic with how they stalk him around, making it impossible for him to even go out in peace. Aa such, he wants to promote you from the position of his bodyguard to fake girlfriend.

🌊 You don't like the sound of it. You can already smell trouble from afar but you know he'll keep pestering until you relent. So you agree to it in the end.

🌊 Only later you realise what you've actually gotten yourself into.

🌊 Rafayel is already kinda clingy by nature but now that you've agreed to his dating charade, he's fully taking advantage of it.

🌊 Everytime he drags you out to a public spot, he makes sure that the two of you hold hands. And rather than going to places that may inspire him for his paintings, he drags you to expensive fashion brands stores.

🌊 Even as you refuse to let him buy any of it, he makes you try on the outfits for hours, making you turn this way and that, asking you to pose in specific ways as he snaps numerous photographs (which he'll definitely use as reference for his portraits of you). And just when you think it's over with all the fancy clothes, he makes you try on footwear next.

🌊 He's also buying you all these gifts you never asked for. He's basically spoiling you with things you can't otherwise afford.

🌊 He's also posting a lot of cringe yet cutesy couple photos with you on his social media accounts.

🌊 And you may not admit it but you are beginning to enjoy being spoilt like this.

🌊 Weeks pass without you even realising. This arrangement is becoming more and more dangerous for your heart. Because lets be honest Rafayel may be enjoying playing around with you like this but the same can't be said for you. You know that if this goes on any longer, your heart is bound to make space for him.

🌊 “How much longer do we need to keep this up?” You ask one day.

🌊 He merely winks at you. “Just a little longer.”

🌊 You try your best to keep your emotions in check. You just need to endure him and his charm for a little longer. Heck! You kill wanderers for a living so the matters of heart shouldn't be anymore difficult than that. Right? Right?

🌊 Oh how foolish you are.

🌊 It happens during a private gala Rafayel is invited to and of course as his “girlfriend”, you're supposed to go with him.

🌊 That, and the other reason being this crazy musician who will be there. Apparently she's been hitting on Rafayel for a while now, and your appearance may finally make her retreat.

🌊 So there, amidst the crowd of snobbish strangers, Rafayel asks you for a dance. And in the dim glow of the hall, paired with a slow, romantic tune, he feels closer than he is. And it happens..your resolve falters.

🌊 He wiggles a brow towards the corner of the room, and surely enough, you spot the aforementioned crazy musician. Indeed, she doesn't seem very happy with the way Rafayel has his arms around you.

🌊 And to deliberately spur her further, he lowers his head. His breath is ticklish along your skin as he whispers in your ear. “You’ve moved along quite well to my tune. You're a good dancer.”

🌊 For some reason, you don't like those words. Rafayel complimenting you so freely cannot be a good sign.

🌊 “Just endure a little longer, Miss Bodyguard. Tonight will be the last run of this charade.”

🌊 Then he tucks a lose strand of hair behind your ear and leans his face in, his lips gently brushing along yours before pressing harder.

🌊 The kiss is slow and lingering, just like the song being played. But it seems that the moment you begin to give in and truly relish it, the moment ends. He pulls away and smiles.

🌊 Yet you can't muster enough strength to smile back for its happened. Your resolve is broken. Your heart has already reserved the best spot for him. And you aren't ready to let go of this charade any time soon..

here's [PART 2]

i have 4-5 more LADS requests to finish. i'm working on them and will post them soon ✌️😊

THANKS FOR READING ♡

SEND ME REQUESTS FOR LOVE & DEEPSPACE HEADCANONS VIA ASKS.

» MASTERLIST «

[dearestzaychik]

Missing Posters.

Rehabilitation AU

Silly little AU I thought of with my friend, Meos!

TW : Maybe a bit ooc, Cussing, Violence, Blood, and an attempt that was made to harm reader.

WORD COUNT : 5k+ words!

NOT PROOFREAD

(Once again I can't be bothered.. Please do point out any mistakes you can spot once more!)

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READERS POV.

Each day was the same as always. wake up, get ready, go to work, come back home, eat, sleep.. Although you were grateful to be able to actually work at Roblox World HQ, the work that was assigned to you was starting to burn you out a bit. Looking at your own desk of piled and messy papers, you couldn't help but feel even more exhausted.

It all started on the sudden disappearance of the Administrators of Roblox, and it wasn't just an easy task either. After that, there has been a chain of disappearances that began a few months back, starting with some admins like Builderman and Shedletsky, then a top employee of the Builder Brother's Company disappeared. More over a big problem considering a big portion of the works at a Pizza Place suddenly slowed and that said employee was actually the son of one of the builder brother's, then right after was another Administrator, Dusekkar.. Then it just kept going, ranging from either Administrators or Normal Robloxians that were just trying to live a normal life and It was just a lot to take in. Who ever was causing these disappearances didn't seem to only go after Big Models for the community or Normal Robloxians too, as even robloxians that were banished to the Banlands suddenly disappeared as well. Such as 1x1x1x1, John Doe, 007n7.. you name it.

This was a genuine problem for the state of Robloxia, it dug itself deep to the point where your own superior, Roblox themselves doesn't know anything about the situation nor can they even get anything to start as an investigation. You could only glance at the Missing Posters that were at the center of your desk, seeing the familiar faces too much every day you go to work. Like this casino owner named Chance, or this sleeveless shirt with a spawnpoint symbol wearing civillian, named Two Time.. Okay, now that you think about it their names sound pretty weird, but that wasn't the point nor was it uncommon, especially knowing Robloxia's very odd law when it comes to names.. You weren't even supposed to be here at this time. It was already late at night, and usually your shift ends during the afternoon or so. You were practically the only person in the office of your batch, and it gave a empty feeling that setted in you once more. Although you practically did have a great work and future ahead of you, it was hard to interact with other co-workers in the office or to just other people in general knowing how the social hierarchy works. Oh well, no use crying over spilled milk. Especially knowing you had a bigger problem at your hands, but that sounds like a problem for future you as you decided then and there that enough work was done for today. You were definitely not staying in this office for any longer, stretching your body as you cracked a few joints.. Feeling your body finally relax after a while. Genuinely, whichever deity was looking upon you right now.. You hoped that every single one of these missing people will come back soon. Technically, its not for the selfish reason of finally being able to lay off work after a while but it's to also ease the tension and fright within the Town of Robloxia itself.

Getting up from your office chair, you didn't bother cleaning up your messy desk. You'll be in the same situation all over again anyways, so not being able to clean up after yourself was the least of your worries. Getting the keys that were left to you by the Janitor as you closed the office for the night, practically disassociating with reality through out the entire process as you snapped out the moment when you were finally outside the building. It looked so peaceful, seeing how there was no people that can be seen outside since nobody was usually up at this hour. Exhaustion crept up to you once more, burnt out from your core as you begrudgingly had to drag and force your body to move through the empty streets.

Although the journey was peaceful, it was definitely quiet.. Almost too quiet. Its been a long while since you've actually took the time to take care of yourself now that you've realized it. Looking at a window of a random, already closed building as you took in how disheveled you looked. You definitely need to schedule some sort of spa day for yourself. Although, looking at the reflection of the window.. You could've sworn something moved in the background of the reflection you were looking at. Looking behind, seeing the deep forest as you observed the landscape. Nothing seemed to be wrong with it, until there was a rustle from the bush. A hand came out, clutching onto a tree as the figure revealed themselves to be injured. It didn't take a genius, especially one in your situation where you'd have to look at missing posters 24/7 to know who this was. Having a burger on top of his head and on top of that said burger was a little noob head..- This was 007n7, one of the Missing People. Locking eyes with him as he looked to be relieved upon seeing you, as if he hasn't seen someone else in a long time. (More on so of a face he specifically hasn't seen.)

"..P-please!- We need help!-"

He stated, stumbling upon his words yet he rushed and pushed his body to run up to you. He was practically battered with wounds and was on the verge of passing out. Before you can even reply to him in any way, you noticed how much he trembled as he held your arms in desperation, practically holding onto you as if the world was ending any minute. You were sure he was in no shape or form to respond right now, so you had no choice as you pulled up your phone and called your boss. The moment you mentioned that you found one of the missing person, There was sudden crash and movement on the other side as Roblox hung up on you. Seems like he'll be disturbing some other workers schedule, and soon enough there were a lot of other employees and even whole entire helicopters and other machinery that you didn't recognize off arrived as they pulled you away from 007n7, taking you both away for questioning. But of course, your interrogation was short compared to 007n7's and you were let go. It was a mess, but at this point seeing the amount of cameras and deconstruction going on.. Yeah you slipped away from everything, you couldn't be bothered to stay any longer.

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It turns out, every single missing person was found that night. The others were found deep in the woods, as the forest was practically taken down to find every single one of them. They even started checking out every robloxian that was on the missing person list and making sure that nobody was left behind or forgotten. The case was solved, but not without problems. Some of them like 007n7 were greatly injured. then some of them gave weird behaviors that isn't usually like them back before they went missing like John Doe. The News rung loud on the Small TV that you owned before you turned it off, closing the door of your bedroom as you crashed down immediately onto your bed, not even bothering to take any of your work clothes off as you were too exhausted to care.. But none the less, whatever deity was listening to you heard your wishes, so that means you'll finally be able to rest, right?.. Maybe you should actually schedule a self-care day for yourself tomorrow. After all, you definitely deserved it.

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As you stood infront of the facility that Roblox themselves quickly made for these 'survivors', you couldn't help but internally die a bit as you couldn't have been more wrong than ever. Turns out, being the person that found them will bring you to be the head lead on this new project, and now you'll need to figure out what the hell happened, especially considering how all of them to be in a terrible state after being found. If they weren't physically harmed, they were mentally fucked up thats for sure.

None the less, keeping your head high as you tapped the Identification Card at the scanner. It gave the green light, as the doors opened upon your entry. The moment you entered it seemed to be just a small room first, yet before you knew it your own face was blown by white mist, practically 'sanitizing' you before you actually come in the facility. They might as well purify your entire being with the amount of things that were being sprayed and blown onto you. It was an annoying surprise, yes. But when were you to decide and complain about the facilities made by Roblox themselves? You would practically loose your job if you ever spoke the words that you thought about in your head.

After being sanitized, you finally got into the actual facility. There were many faces that you didn't recognize, the other workers probably coming from other departments in the company. But then again, who were you to bother recognizing your co-workers faces when you don't even interact with them outside of work? Someone came up to you, bowing as they handed you a few folders before they took their leave. Wow, people here really didn't like talking. Oh well, that wasn't a problem you'll need to worry about. Looking through the folders, you realized that these contained the files of each missing person that you once experienced headache's on. One folder seemingly being the main folder as it told you the Instructions for the job and your objectives.

FILE 01 :

OBJECTIVES.

1.

Find out what happened during the span of the 10 months of them being missing.

2.

Check on their behaviors and health daily. Make sure their sanity and health is improving, not deteriorating.

3.

Don't make bonds or relationships with the Robloxians while in confinement. Wait upon further instructions for interactions or when your presence is requested by them.

STATISTICS

Observe, Learn, and Investigate on the survivor's..

• SANITY

• BEHAVIOR

• HEALTH

• KNOWLEDGE ABOUT THE SITUATION

• ANY EVENTS THAT MAY HAPPEN DURING INTERACTION.

Made by Roblox™.

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Well, even though it was explained in a simple and easy-to-understand way, you couldn't help but be uneasy about it. There were definitely some strict regulations when it comes to interacting with the missing robloxians, but it even applies to the Administrators that went missing along with them? You definitely needed to be careful, if your life isn't in the line then certainly your job is. Looking through the other folders, your eyes landed on a familiar name once more. 007n7, perhaps you can start with him considering you already met him last night.

Walking to the confinement rooms, you can notice from the window of the doors that each room was designed for the comfort of each person. You didn't bother looking yet though, as you made your way through the set of doors before your eyes landed on one. The Name Plate on top of the door stating 007n7. Putting out your ID as it was scanned, you were granted permission inside.

Walking inside, your greeted with a room that's seemingly the control room. In front was a bunch of buttons and switches you definitely shouldn't press and a Glass Panel on the wall. It seemed to be a one-way glass panel, seeing how 007n7 didn't react upon your entry. He was just staring at a wall, with that wall having frames of Him and a little red child. None the less, you went up to the control panel and sat on the chair, placing the rest of the folders you had on a place where it was far away from the buttons and switches. You didn't want to mess anything up when you haven't even started, that would be embarrassing and so not your style. Anyways, you should really stop with this inner monologue you have in your head, it makes you look AND sound crazy. you focused on 007n7's file folder, as there were many things to fill up on that's for sure. The only thing that was really filled up here was the Basic Information, such as 'Name', 'Height', 'Last Seen before Missing', type things like that. You adjusted the microphone to your liking first before you pressed the Mic button, enabling the microphone for 007n7 to hear.

"Hello, Can you hear me?"

Your voice rung out through the room, snapping 007n7 from his thoughts as he looked at the one-way glass panel. He recognized that voice from the night before, remembering how he saw a robloxian when he finally found a way out of the woods. Although he didn't heard much, when he was asking for help he could vaguely remember hear whispers of voice from that person as they called someone up, and then rescue finally arrived after that. It was no doubt that the person talking to him right now was the same person he met during that night.

"It's.. you-"

He stated, looking at the glass panel as he looked to be recalling the events that happened last night. You could only let out a sigh, scanning through his files as you thought about what to reply. It was only rational for you to interact with 007n7 first, considering you already met the guy. He was the safest individual to start off this whole entire fiasco with.

"Yes, it's me. How have you been feeling since last night?"

You said, Looking at him as you inspected his wounds. His wounds seemed to be patched up, but it was obvious it was still healing. After a moment of pause, the silence lingering in the air as 007n7 seemed to be thinking about his response before he finally replies..

"It's.. been fine. I-if I can ask, How long will we stay here?.."

007n7 stated, looking at the glass panel as he awaited your response. Although he couldn't actually see you, the way he stared at you felt like he could. As much as you like to answer his question, you didn't even know what to say yourself. And either way, it was forbidden to have any bonds during their confinement. You shouldn't get too comfortable with any of them.

"I'm afraid I don't have an answer to that, nor can I give you the answer your hoping to look for if I did have an answer. I'd like your full cooperation at most for this meeting, consider it as compensation that you can give me for last night."

You stated, dying a bit with how formal you seemed to be right now. You really couldn't stand professionalism, even more so when you had to keep up an act like one. He seemingly contemplated what you said, a deal he can't really refuse considering his current circumstances. After all, if it weren't for you he wouldn't have been found along with the others, and he actually did something to help them after all this time.

"..It sounds reasonable enough."

007n7 said, seemingly finding the statement you said quite reasonable. You could've sworn you can give yourself a pat on the shoulder, but none the less you looked through the file that gave the instructions. There was a part of the file itself that had multiple sets of questions laid upon you. These were probably the questions you can only give, considering the earlier instructions before this. But the thing was you were only allowed to ask 3 questions of each survivor every day, and you weren't even sure why. What was even more interesting is the fact that there were a set of instructions that was telling you to record the interaction. As you yourself were provided with a record log to keep track of the events that will happen. This job is definitely asking a lot from you, and you weren't even sure what they saw in you. You would prefer to be in your bed more than anything at this point.

Either way, you didn't have a choice as you finally turned on the recording. After all, you couldn't proceed with the interrogation if you didn't do so. You might as well get over it so that you could leave early.

- Start for log record of 007n7. -

2025 / 10 / 18, 12:31:07

"What happened during the months you and the other survivors went missing?"

"We were transported to some otherworldly realm. We decided to name the times each survivor got transported in the realm as being Forsakened in the realm. We came at different times and some in different locations, but it was still all in the same realm. Some were.. unfortunate enough to get forsakened as something else entirely."

Although his voice was quiet and calm, there was a hint of turmoil inside his eyes. Yet he looked like he was used to it long ago, and it was frightening to think about to say the least. Noting down his response, you moved onto the next question.

"What did you do inside the realm itself?"

"..We were forced to play rounds of games that required us to turn on 3 to 5 generators in order to survive. There was someone.. no, something always after us everytime. And if we were unfortunate enough to get caught, we will be killed."

That last sentence made you freeze for a minute. What did he mean by killed? Was he trying to pull something? But his expression didn't give off any hints that he would be lying right now. Just what did they really experience in that realm?

"..Elaborate on that.-"

WARNING :

The question the interviewee provided wasn't in the list of questions, This will take up one question attempt. Please try again.

Thank you for your Cooperation.

The voice of an intercom stated out loud, both to you and 007n7. It hasn't even passed a minute yet, you didn't know why they would restrict the only way to gain access to information.

- End for log record of 007n7. -

To be damned with these strict regulations. The information you were given was a whole entire different situation, and these strict regulations were simply just holding you back from doing your job properly. You could only let out a frustrated sigh as you finished up your observation, looking at 007n7 as he looked confused. It seems like any questions that wasn't allowed to be asked wasn't detected on the mic. Especially noticing how the Microphone was suddenly disabled the moment you even muttered the first letter. You couldn't turn it back on either since you already used up three questions.. You could only grumble to yourself, seeing 007n7 in the other window as he stopped looking at the panel itself, looking back to the frames on the wall once more. He probably thought you left already considering the intercom stated the interrogation was done, and for some reason you can't help but feel bad for the poor lad. But what's done is done, you'll make sure to interact with him tomorrow to both check out how he's been doing and get more answers considering he's pretty compliant.

Picking up your files, you stood up and left quietly. After all, there wasn't really a use staying in that room if you couldn't talk to the man anymore. You weren't the one to complain about Roblox's set of rules, but sometimes these regulations suck ass. Going through your files, you landed on a familiar face. Guest 1337. If you were right this was the very Guest that fought during The Last Guest... Wasn't he supposed to be dead? At least presumed dead, since during the ultimate sacrifice his body was never found, so it was never confirmed if he actually perished during it. He looked sane enough to interact with, you'll probably be alright when you talk to him. You needed more information on what really happened after everything, because what 007n7 gave you wasn't enough for your undying curiousity.

As you exited the confinement room, you walked along the hallway as you were searching for Guest 1337's confinement. Along your way, you saw something move in your peripheral vision. What was that? your gaze looked at another door, looking at the nameplate on top of it. 'Two Time'. You remember their name that's for sure, as while you were dreading on your work last night you could recall looking at their missing poster that was on the entire mess you would call your office table. Something was moving inside that door, and you didn't know any other employees that could have access to this part of the facility either. None the less, you went near the door as you looked through the small window that was given at the upperhalf of the door. Nothing seemed to be inside though, was your mind fooling you? There was a part of you that wanted to explore further, but another part of you wanted to leave and move on. Curiosity kills the cat, but you only live once, don't you? Driven by your curiosity, you pressed your identification card on the scanner as you gained access through the door, stepping inside as you were greeted with the similar control panel like the ones in 007n7's confinement room. Although, the only difference was the room at the other side of the panel. The Room was pretty plain besides for the fact that some of the furniture or decor had the.. Checkpoint Symbol? No, they were called something else for sure but you didn't bother thinking about it. All you knew about that symbol was the times you participated in many Obstacle Course events during your youth, it always appeared when there was a dangerous and deadly obstacle coming up.

The more you examined the room, the more it looked like a shrine for it at this point. but you did recall about seeing some information about this said Two Time person being in a Cult or whatever during your work with the missing posters, so it somewhat made sense if that information were to be true. Wait... Speaking of the occupant of the said room, Nobody was in the room of the other panel. Before you can even react and call authorities about the sudden disappearance, a hand covered your mouth as you felt a sharp pain behind you. Someone had the audacity to fucking stab you. Before this said person made any more moves, you held a tight grip on the stack of files that you carried as you turned around and swung them at the one responsible for this, making sure you hit them right on the head. You grunted, feeling the pain in your back as the dagger was still and most definitely lodged behind you. Looking at the person, you could only stumble backwards as you tightened your grip on the files even further. Two Time can be seen on the floor, as they seemed to have stumbled upon the hit you just gave them. Although they didn't seem to look hurt though, they were smiling through out all of this as they seemed to actually be enjoying this...

"..The Spawn seemed to have blessed me with encountering such an Individual that's just... Like Him."

Two Time muttered out, looking at you with a wide smile. This person was definitely insane. Hell, even the way they look at you with such... Enthusiasm scared you. They recovered from your blow, standing up as they continued to look at you with such glee. They were unarmed right now, but that definitely doesn't mean they aren't dangerous anymore just yet.

"You almost have the same presence as him. It's almost nostalgic, really."

Two Time mentioned, still looking at you as their smile faltered. Leaving behind a blank expression as for a moment before they smiled again. Just what were they talking about? Who's Him?

"The Spawn has blessed us both to meet on this very day, and I, for one will be forever grateful about their mercy... Shall we thank them with a dance?"

Two Time stated, and before you could even react they took advantage of the opening laid upon them, as they shoved your files away from your hands, the said files scattering everywhere. They grabbed the Dagger that was lodged into your back, seemingly twisting it before pulling it off from you. You could only wince in pain, especially when this little shit decided to twist the dagger. Blood was on the very dagger as they took a moment to inspect it. You could've sworn their sick smile grew wider from it. Stumbling onto your feet, you grabbed your ID as you ditched the files, slamming your ID onto the scanner as the door opened before you as you ran out of the room. The door was about to close before a hand stopped it from closing, activating the sensor system as the doors opened again. You already knew who that individual was, so you shouldn't bother to look behind you. Although... The more you ran, the more you realized of the fact that you went the wrong way, as this was the way to the security room, not the exit to go to the main facility. Cursing yourself, you could only move forward as your own blood was dripping onto the floor. There were footsteps behind you, following you and with eyes that stalked your every move.

Reaching the end of the hallway, you slammed your ID on the scanner once more, opening the door to the security room as you made sure to shut the door. Relief washed over you for a minute, stumbling onto the ground as your wounded back leaned onto the control panel right behind you. Although the door to the Security Room didn't have a window, There was a camera outside of the door. You could only look at the screen as Two Time stood there menacingly outside the door... They couldn't possibly get in, right? After all, they needed access. An ID, which you had and they didn't. You'll be safe for the time being... Looking around the security room, you scanned for any items that can be used to defend yourself. Your eyes locked onto a gun, but the problem was it was locked behind a glass case, and you didn't have anything to break it. Nor did you know the code to the glass case itself, and you were too weak to break it with your bare hands. Cursing yourself, you stumbled back on our feet once more, glancing at the monitors that displayed different things. Each screen displayed each of the rooms that were in this very hallway, this was probably a seperate security room to the actual security room of the Facility, specifically made to monitor their behaviors. But one monitor caught your attention, the very screen that was monitoring the place outside of the room.

You could see Two Time seemingly kneeling, as they managed to pry out the scanner and looked to be connecting the wires of what's left with the scanner. Hell, how do they even learn how to do all of this? It even looked like this wasn't their first rodeo either. This place definitely wasn't safe anymore, and you needed to find a way to get out, fast. Looking at the control panel at your disposal, none of them looked like it can help you. Well, except for the big red button at the very top that even had a case on it. Without much thought, you opened the case and absolutely slammed your hand onto the button. There was nothing to loose, its either you die at this maniac's hands or your own stupidity. Who knows, maybe this said button was a self-destruct button.. or more reasonable, an alarm button. But you hoped for the first thought was right.

Alarms went off as the entrance to the confinement rooms opened up, it wasn't long before a set of guards raided into the area. Muffled Shouting can be heard outside, but you couldn't care much longer about it. Slumping back down onto your knees, your vision was starting to black out, your forehead pressed onto the control panel's side. You definitely lost too much blood, as you can feel the large wound that was inflicted upon you. Yes, it was only a stab at first but that damned Two Time twisted the dagger, making the damage even more impactful and painful to deal with. Hell, you could've sworn your own spine almost got crushed as well. As chaos ensued, you blocked all the noises away as you felt your body relax further and further. The last moments you can remember were that of something wrapping around your legs and arms, with black tentacles coming into your vision and wrapped itself around your eyes... As if ushering you to take the rest you deserved already. Although it was unfamiliar, it didn't feel threatening and soon enough, you found yourself going unconscious. Before you completely blacked out, you know one thing for sure... You were definitely gonna complain about this to the community board of the workplace after this.

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???'s POV.

He could only scoff at the pathetic sight that was infront of him. But none the less, they were impressed on this individual's quick thinking skills during the whole entire mess that was made despite the overbearing irrationality that came along with it. But he knew whatever this individual pulled off will definitely rat out is disappearance for to his own room as well.

Looking up at this person as he raised their now unconscious body up. Seems like that freak managed to wound their back pretty badly. None the less, he looked back at the security feed before right back at this individual. As much as he hated individuals that were gullible and naive... Nobody deserved to have a similar fate like his. Much to his own dismay, they made use of the medicinal plants that was provided in his room that they took with them for safe measures, and started treating the wound this individual had on them. Making sure that he didn't cause the wound to get even worse as they took their time during the process. After all, there was no more reason to rush considering they'll be caught red handed anyways.

This individual definitely owes him big time after this, and he could only think about the possibilities that he can make with this oh so kind favor he's giving. Considering the fact that they could've used this time to escape and avoid the mess they have made. They'll find a way to escape this damned place another time. For now, he'll have to make do with the choices he made and plan this escape plan another time.

After a while, he finished up on the treatment. Right as soon as he finished, the doors to the Security Room was opened. Guns were pointed right at him yet the gazes that befell upon him were ones of fright. He doesn't blame them, after all, Who would love or appreciate a monster like him? Although he could easily wipe this whole entire team away, he knew the consequences of the action. Especially with how much information he found just by staying around this security room, he raised his hands as he was apprehended as well and lead back to his room for further questioning.

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NOTES

Thank you all for waiting! This is a different fic from the Our Forsakened Destiny series because I wanted to experiment a bit on a different setting! Considering most fics take place in the realm and the reader seems to know about the fact everything is a game, etc, etc.. How about we make the reader actually be apart of the Robloxia as one of the employees of Roblox HQ working under Roblox type thing!! ( that was alot of roblox mentioned. )

I've seen all of your decisions, and I was definitely surprised on how close of a battle the other two choices had.. Hell, while i was even observing through out the time of the poll there were times were Truth was in the lead. But in the end, Silent won!

Its great to finally start writing again after a bit of a lengthy hiatus, so to celebrate this I will be opening my requests as well! If you have any ideas or things you guys want written feel free to send either an ask or request! Once again, Thank you for your everlasting patience and thank you for reading!

( could you tell I'm going through a desperate azure phase )

P.S... I'm not sure if this is a series I will continue though! I'll have to wait and decide for myself if I will actually make this another series compared to the one im working on rn

[keen-li]

All Aisle Ever Need 02 | jjk

chapter: 2/ ?

summary: Forced into a corner and faced with the biggest decision of your life. You stand before your ex and have to decide whether to marry him or not...

pairing: Jungkook x fem reader.

story type: series.

genre: exes to lovers, second chance au, right person wrong timing, lack of communication, forced proximity, slow burn, angst, fluff, smut.

rating: m. Mdni

wordcount: 10.6k

warnings for chapter: troubled parental dynamics/figures. It's implied that they are both grown, Jungkook is older than reader (the age is subjective). cussing. found family. none really from here on.

a/n: though of this whilst watching MAFS. I've been in a burnout and this got me out of it?.

anyways I hope you enjoys it.

date: 02/05/25

note: this is not the first chapter

prev | next

story under cut.

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

“Yn are you alright?”

The concern in his voice, eyes; it weakens your knees. These aren’t the knees that should’ve been getting knocked in. But it’s not surrender.

The universe will always know how to flip the switch negatively for those it doesn't like. And it happens you’re on the bad side of it.

You wonder how he's able to say your name so casually, like a feather being carried by wind. His name is forbidde in your mind right now. Even thinking about thinking about it is a casualty.

He smiles, occasionally looking over at the officiant and his friends.

You must be looking like a fool right now. You feel like one.

Does he seriously not feel like you are? Your face muscles are taut it's hard to pull a smile.

Your chest tightens.

You don’t put it past him. That’s who he is. Do you even know? He's acting so concerned for you all of a sudden. Where was this when...you know what? he can keep his fake concern and shove it up his as--

“I’m fine.” You force the words out. The little pause has people staring. Tae and Jisoo inch closer to the edge of their seats. Maybe it’s just the nerves but you look anaemic. The silence stays. “Really I’m fine.” Your lips curve from embarrassment masked as genuitey.

If you just plaster on a smile, you’ll be fine. Act like you're standing in front of a stranger.

You stare up at him...that idioitic smile still exists?

“We can proceed?” the officiant asks and you both nod for them to go ahead.

It's not a confident nod, cause you're still deciding for how long this ceremony should last.

You would’ve walked away, you should’ve at the silence. But no worries, you can wait to the i dos to say you don’t want to do this. It’s fine you’re still control of this.

He was supposed to be a stranger.

“Jungkook, yn’s friends want you to know...” the officiant starts and you only hope that your friends didn't write something stupid. You didn't get to see what they wrote about you, but you trust them. Their the only thing you're depending in to stay the same at this point. “...she’s a very caring person who feels things deeply. She loves love and is looking for a partner who knows what he wants.”

Jungkook nods, glances switching from the officiant to you. You cringe behind your hands. It’s sweet...you’re a lover girl. He doesn't remember the last time he's...its been a while since...dammit.

“They also want you to know...she can be a bit bossy at times so be ready to be bossed.”

You mumble an interjection as you turn to narrow your eyes at the culprits who sit side by side. Cheeky smiles plastered on their faces.

Are you bossy? That's what people say. But you just like things a certain way. You don't know what's wrong with that.

Everybody chuckles when you express embarrassment through a self defence speech. You just had to clarify.

When you're done and you lift your head with a blush that drains. You bite your inner cheek immediately.

“That’s not a problem for me.” Jungkook says playfully but you don’t catch.

Your lack of reaction forces him to match you as well.

Can others feel it, can they sense your one-sided tension.

“Yn...” you snap your eyes to the officiant. “Jungkook’s family wants you to know that he’s a goal junky, loves to achieve anything he sets his mind to. That includes whatever you task him with."

You nod like it's all new to you, cause it is. You never knew him back then why would you know him now?

You also never pinned him as the type to have tattoos or piercings.

But no matter what, you doubt he's changed. They never change. Unless he somehow went for therapy, which you doubt he did. Jungkook was always picky about who he opens up to.

He's still the same old jungkook. And marriage doesn't change a thing.

Your cheek will tear if you bite any harder. So you relax, for your own good.

“We’re perfect.” Jungkook jokes

“yeah...”

The officiant goes in and you couldn't be happier, “...he’s a guy who’s dedicated to the people around him, loves community and they can promise you he’ll always be there for you.”

Scoff. And he heard it. Good.

“So do you take...”

From the depths of your limited knowledge you have no clue why he says yes for. What the fuck. You're gonna to look like a bad person now.

And now everyone watches for you. This is your exit. You say no and walk out of here. It will be confusing but what about this isn't already confusing.

Too hell with what people will think. This is about your happiness.

Maybe you aren’t marriage material. Your family was right. You've been a fool with all of this and the universe keeps telling you that. Why the hell would he say yes. Does he not actually remember you?

You sigh the decision weighing hard on you. If they asked you this back then the answer would be out quicker than lightening, but knowing what you know, you can’t. You just can’t.

“i do.”

You feel an invisble veil lift over head, how long was it there for?

Him putting your ring on you, has you holding your breath. You dreamt if this...you dreamt of him. And it's finally happening, but it feels anything but good. The ring doesn't feel like and eternity of love and commitment but more like a death sentence that you brought yourself to.

This is conflicting with what you had in mind for yourself.

“So I now pronounce husband and wife, you may now kiss the-” the officiant isn't sure if he should go on. Cause you're strangers and might not want to go that far yet.

But the question is caught and the following words leave as a soft question, like he was fighting himself to say.

“may i?”

He's so freaking ridiculou-

“sure.”

Nothing is going to plan.

He put you in the spot, that's the reason. Not anything more, not the curiosity of his lip ring on you. Him on yo...

His palm is soft as he cups your cheek. The kiss is gentle and soft. Warm and like you know him...the hint of spirit is unmistakable.

It's nice to know he was a little nervous about the wedding.

It only lasts for a few seconds but you could swear it lasted longer than that.

One moment he's on you and the next you're walking back down the aisle, your hand in his but inching away slowly as your friends cheer.

You stare at him dumbfound.

Who the hell is this man?

Once you’re out and on the balcony by producer’s request, you drop his hand so fast. And if he was a stranger, you would feel bad for being rude.

You’re supposed to be talking, getting to know eachother or whatever. Nothing to get to know in your opinion.

“So what do you do for work?” your eyes are on the skyscrapers. You watch them and analyse every single detail. You’re not the avid scene watcher you’ve never be. The only time you were was when your father would be yelling at you and you wanted to be elsewhere.

How the hell are they able to stand so tall and strong? .

Speaking of standing. Jungkook stands, elbows leaning against the half wall protecting you both from the ground.

Someone would assume you’re staring at the same thing if they walked in...and you are.

“Right off the bat?” He turns to look at you with an annoying smirk. He looks back at the skyscraper when you don’t stare at him. Can you not feel his eyes on you?

He needs to get himself together. He can’t be nervous about the wedding still.

“Too forward?” a bird soars over the building. Must be nice to be so free and unburdened.

“No. You’re alright.” his shoulders droop, now leaning over to look down at the people who walk. From the corner of you eyes you watch, but not for long.  “I do accounting.”

You’re quick to snapping your head to him. And for the moment you stare at eachother...“Really?”

“Shocking?”

It is. Jungkook and accounting? The only thing he can account for are numbers. Not surprisingly. Internally you roll your eyes, you’d do it right in his face but you don’t know where you stand.  “n-no...just...” it’s shocking, but its good you guess.

He’s not giving any signs of remembrance and honestly you don’t want to be the first one to bring it up. It annoys you, very much so. Why do you always have to be the one who speaks first? It’s your specialty but sometimes it wouldn’t hurt for somebody else to be at the front.

“You live in the city?” he asks.

“yeah you?”

He nods.

The silence that falls between you two is so dumb and unnecessary. How the hell are you going to survive this marriage?

You both stand on it. You only survive the silence by staring at the sky above.

This feels dumb so dumb you just have to ask. If he doesn’t remember you then he won’t be able to ask. And if he doesn’t ask you won't know, and if you won't know it’ll eat at you.

Unless you just ask. Its for your own sake. Even if he does remember you it won’t change how you’re hating this right now. Fuck...just ask. Keep it vague.

“i’m sorry i just need to as-” you start to only get interrupted.

So he waited for you to want to say something, to say whatever he wants to?

Chuckle.

“You always wanted to marry a stranger?”

What the hell does he care?

“no-who would ever want that.” You scoff dismissively

He’s got no idea what to say. You don’t seem interested and he feels like all he's doing is investigating you. “How do-did you evision yourself get married?”

He catches your smirk  and he can’t help but do the same. You look too pretty to be pouting like before.

“i don’t want to hurt your feelings.” You confess.

He knows this is not the way anyone, let alone a woman, would want to get married. So maybe he would be hurt if you told him what you really wanted.

“Assuming you can-” he stares at you and this time he doesn’t look away.

“All i can tell you is i never thought i’d be marrying a stranger.” No, you can’t tell him. You won’t let anyone know that.

“is it something you’re okay with?”

“i mean i’m here” You chuckle. You’re here...so that that should serve to something.  What exactly? You have no clue. But you’re here

Is he as well? You hope not. Cause it would be a shame

“Your body is.” You knit your brows in his direction but catch yourself immediately. You can’t let him know the way that remark's affected you. Is it that obvious? You were to trying hard to hide what you’re truly feeling, but you guess you’re more of an open book than you thought.

Or maybe he just knows how to read you.

Jungkook looks down at the street and when you chuckle bitterly his on you.

“Wow you talk a lot.” It’s a mumble, not confident enough to come out as you'd want or as normally as you would.  And the same goes for your gaze. Your feet inch unconsciously further from him like you weren’t far enough already.

It seems like you can never be far enough from him.

He smiles, playing with the metal by his lip and staring down at his hands. Will he have to stop wearing his other decorative rings now? It would take away from the centre piece. Maybe he’ll just have them on his right hand.

“You aren’t as bossy as i expected.”

You want to be offended you really want to.

“i’m out of my comfort zone.” It’s a simple statement.

Jungkook raises a brow. “What would i have to do to get you there?” He wants to know, wants to see how bossy you can get. Can he handle it? He’s done it before.

Have you gotten bossier?

“You look like the type to marry a stranger.” Completely ignoring him, you follow with your assumption.

“i look? What look is that?” Jungkook turns away from the view, choosing to give his back to the world. The conversation seems to be getting more interesting.

He folds his arms over his chest. He looks like someone who would what? It’s only a few things he can change huh!

“You have the vibe.” You straighten your back, folding your arms over your chest as well.

But maybe his actions just prove that he can only change so much in the eyes of himself and others. His actions always seem to get him to horrible places, but its his fault for staying. “You're right. I would marry a stranger.” He smirks to himself. You can read him too?

“is it what you wanted?” The question is heavy in your heart. It shouldn’t be cause it doesn’t matter. It shouldn’t matter to you...so why you ask? you don’t know cause you don’t care. Really.

You don’t care about how his face grows serious after the question, the way he brushes his index and middle finger over his lips in thought. Does he have to think about it? You had your answer quite quick.

“no. I wouldn’t have done it this way.” He confesses to something deeper than words can go and you would know that if you could see how his eyes watch you. This is never how he’d want to do things but his actions...more like inaction... have him here.

But the universe seems to be giving him a second chance for the very first time. He doesn’t  know how many he has but one thing he knows is not to squander it going against what he wants. “But we make mistakes.”

“Marrying me is a mistake?”

He laughs, cause you don’t get it.

The laugh feels like an insult to you and you loathe that you care. It was mistake for him to marry you cause you’re hating him right now and you’re gonna show it. Maybe that way he’ll remember.

Jungkook smirks giving up.

“You’ve gotten better.” His voice is low. He wondered how long this conversation would go on for before either one of you got tired.

“what?”

“At pretending.”

You laugh. “learnt from the best.” You’re eyes are back on the skyscrapers. You don’t even know why you looked away.

You should’ve guessed it, not because you think he’s capable  of it but because he probably enjoys your suffering. You've been talking and he watched you walk down the aisle. He acted so innocent like he didn’t...Where’s he going with this? “You knew?” You don’t bother to elaborate, he should know.

“how could i forget?”

You roll your eyes at him. Liar. Not a scoff in the world could show how irritated you suddenly feel. You could throw him over this—shit.

“Then why the hell did you say yes.” you're raging.

He looks at you to lower your tone. As much as you’re alone here, there are people inside. People who think you don’t know each other and are happy for you.

Your sudden tone change definitely wakens something in him. A calm but irritated tone. “You wanted me to say no?”

“Yeah.” You laugh jaggedly, nodding your head like your disappointed in him. The laugh hides how your heart tightens and eyes fill.

You can’t.

“Then why didn’t you say no?”

You'd like to rub your face to alleviate some stress but honestly it wouldn’t do much. The make up have on stops you from doing anything with touching your face. That's why you try not to cry. Jisoo would notice any shift in product, instantly.

Instead you turn your back to him for a moment. He stares harder. Why the hell is he looking at you? Can he not look away?

Collecting yourself you turn around, breath slow but deep. You have to control your anger. Otherwise you might just--

“Felt bad for you.” You snicker.

Jungkook raises a confused brow. “You felt bad for me so you legally bound us together? Wow mother teresa.” He didn’t want to say the last remark but it slipped out, he doesn't intend for this to get heated and knowing you that remark is getting you right where he doesn’t want to be.

“Shut the fuck up." You’re calmer.  “Why the hell did you say yes?” you press in. You want to know, really. Is he trying to prove something,  trying to waste your time once more. Or maybe this is his final showdown to really down tear you down, he's heart must be fluttering with excitement.

But you won’t let him, not again.

“i never came here to back down.” He declares only serving to edge you.

It’s so like him.

Never take anything serious. Its all just a fucking joke to him. You shake your head in disbelief. He’ll never fucking change.

“it’s marriage were talking about not some game.” You don't catch how he scrunches his face.

He ignores you for a moment.

“i did genuinely want to do this you know?”

“That’s hard to believe.”

He’s not surprised. It’s be hard to believe you would say or act any other way.

“knowing me like you do yn...”

“i dont know you.” You correct sharply. He’s overestimating himself again.

“You do.”

“You’re overestimating yourself and how you know me.”

He can swear he's heard words of that sort from a his mother. And that’s why he hated something about you. About here he still is...

Sigh.

“do you think i would get married as a joke?”

“i told you, i dont know you.”

“amusing...”

“i’ll have you know i’m serious about this. I  dont know if you are.” He hates how you don’t look at him or turn your body when you speak. Can you ever be civil?

You don’t believe him. “if you aren’t we can get an annulment.”

You could, you really could. But your mind moves over to your mother. Your friends. You haven’t gotten to speak to any of them, your mother especially so you have no clue what she truly and personally thinks of this whole thing. Maybe if she doesn’t support you could get the annulment. But if she supports it and is so happy for you will...not she’s going to hate this.

She’s going to think you’re stupid and this was a mistake. A failure on your part,  cause you were never able to find a proper man on your own. That you’re truly not marriage material. And because of that, you have a rush of adrenaline to prove them wrong. Prove everyone wrong.

“Never came here to quit.”

--

“He’s not that bad...” Jisoo thinks. “...so why aren’t you smiling.” He is your type, she knows that for sure. But you look like you just bit into a candied lemon.

“i am smiling.” you are...well you’re trying. You think you do a good job. Anybody else would be cracking under the pressure of emotions you're feeling. The questioning.

He knew. He fucking knew and still wanted to marry you? You could’ve sworn you were over this, over everything. You were able to do it for the others. If any of your other exes were at the end of the aisle, you would’ve walked out. Because it would be just that easy.

But Jungkook standing up there smiling at you like nothing had happen. Like it was an alternative universe were things progressed like normally just...it’s annoying. He’s annoying.

You’re only doing this for one reason and you need to keep your mind on that. You’d be fool to let that fantasy spark curiosity.

You are a fool though and this is not a dream, it’s the real world. And in it, Jungkook is not the I’m here for you guy, or this kind of guy that he’s trying to be.

He’s a liar.

“I don’t know what you think a smile is; but it’s not that.”

“What do you want me to do!” the words come out tense and sharp. Definitely not a tone you take up with them. And their shock is evident. “You want me to dance around like I’ve married to love of my life.” You wave your hands.

Jisoo looks at Taehyung and he looks back at her. You’re not in the room, your body is and that's how you’re about to hear the chatter of guests. But your mind isn’t, and that's why you can’t decipher what the chatter is about.

Is it about you? What are they saying.

“That’s not what we’re sa-”

“At the end of  the day he’s a stranger so don’t except me to be all jolly.”

What the hell is up with you.

“yn-”

“Excuse me.”

You wish you could storm off, but the dress drags you down.

Stupid dress.

--

“What was her name?” Namjoon asks mockingly “Yn?” he already knew it but the look on jungkook’s face is worth it.

At his response the two laugh and stare and each other mischievously. Namjoon mostly. Jungkook’s brows knit.

“I swear i’ve heard that name before.” Seokjin adds and he can’t help but be disappointed in the older.

“I mean it’s a-” he tries to respond but is loudly interrupted. Is Namjoon drunk? Already?

“-from you.” The silver head interrupts. “i-we’ve heard that name from you.”

He wants to say so what? But he can’t cause it’s many things. From ignorance, denial and even fear. Jungkook has realized that. like he said he has changed. But from what he’s seen you don’t believe that. plus you’re so stubborn and honestly it’s so hard for him to not respond with the same energy.

Jungkook looks around the room, maybe for an exit. But definitely not for you, it’s not possible for you to walk by. Stepping forward and closer to his friends; the words fall out in a plead wrapped in whisper.

“Don't say anything about it.” He wants to sound like he’s warning. “Especially not to her.”

“Why? don’t want to see like a lover boy?” yeah it did hurt when you left him and he may have said somethings to his friends that he should’ve told you instead.

He feared this. how the hell were they able to remember?

“What the hell happened between you two?” Seokjin asks turning the conversation more sincere.

The spot light beams on him to close. There are other things to be done, talked about. Shouldn’t Seokjin be with his wife right now?

“Long story.” It is, if you care for details. But if you don’t care for all the arguments, all the moments shared, he would simply put it that...you were on two different times. And maybe it was his fault for getting carried away and not reinforcing the line, but it was your fault too for not understanding.

He wanted a good time and you wanted a long time. Which at that time was something he was not looking for....for fucks sake he was young. Commitment was the last thing on his mind.

But once you left...the evil—and much scarier—twin of commitment stalked him.

He hated your absence as much as he hated himself for denying how much influence you did have.

“Were not really on good terms right now...so just don’t say anything.”

“My pleasure.” No one wants to be in the middle of that anyaways.

“So are you trying to talk to her?”

If only Seokjin knew how hard it is. 1. Because you’re stubborn and 2. Cause he has no clue how to go about it.

“i am, i really am.” He rubs his chin scrunching his face. “She’s just so hard to talk to.”

--

You hadn’t spoken you your mother yet and something in you didn’t want to. What is she going to say to say you? or say about this? You don't know if you can handle anymore. But the curiosity of it all has you giving in.

“Didn’t think you would come.” You start voice soft. You don’t know where to place your eyes so you look everywhere but her eyes.

She made an effort. The dress she’s in is formal and simple, but it still give mother of the bride who’s trying.

You don’t know if she is actually trying or its just for appearances. She's very conscious of appearances and she definitely implanted that mindset into you growing up.

She’d always get upset with you when you wore silly combinations as a child.

“These colours and textures don't go together yn can’t you see that?” She’d yell as you hold onto the tull of your pink tutu. You were 5 years old. How could she possibly think you’d know what colours and textures go together.

“This is the last time you pickout your own clothes." She was genuinely upset and now that you're grown it shocks you. You didn’t even cried when she striped the ‘awful’ outfit off you, neither did you cry when she throw your favourite toy cause it “looked unpleasant.” it was the most common plushie during that time for children. And what bewildered you more was the fact she's the one who bought if for you. Everything she’d condemn you for, she'd bought.

That’s safe to say, there on you’d never get creative or go out your way to create a stylish outfit. You stuck to everything you knew was safe and acceptable.

“I had to dear, you’re getting married.” She touches your arm and you hate how uncomfortable it makes you feel. Since when has she ever been affectionate? “i’m sorry your dad couldn’t come.” Her tone drops like the topic is taboo. It can be.

You didn’t even want to think of him. You knew and were sure even when you were a tween— that your father would never attend your wedding. Though you'd think about it or plan it or even wanted it; you’d never thought you’d get married. You only talked about it cause your friend's did, and honestly it was fun to atleast think about it.

Cause of all that, and being sheltered from many things you thought all men were like your father. And for sure as your went through life you were proven right. Jungkook included.

You brush your fingers over the area she’d touched. “it’s fine.” You never cared, you learnt how not to. “Didn’t think he would anyways.”

Your mother frowns. Over the years she’s come to realise how their parenting and relationship have affected you. But you being grown now and with her own conflicts, would an apology change anything about you? “He did want to be here, you know that? it’s just...”

You scoff. You'd believe you can see in the dark after eating carrots before you believe that.

“...me marrying a stranger i know.” You end her sentence for her. She doesn’t need to tell you, and you hate how she’s clearly forcing herself to speak on it.

“You know how he is.” You do, but one thing you wish for is the ability to understand it. Cause it doesn’t make sense to you. How can somebody be so cold and uncaring to their own child.  You were a planned child and they had you when they had good jobs and enough money, so you were not a burden in that area.  So nothing makes sense. “Are you happy?”

Your mind glitches at the question. Your first instinct is to nod and smile,  but you can’t do that.

Are you? What’s happiness for you. Its always been; not failing and doing the right thing. You’ve done that and what? Are you happy.

Of course you’ve loved every award every grade you’ve gotten as well, and even the promotions at work. But honestly they never feel enough. And now you’re married. It should be the ultimate win as your mother would think. But you failed at the most important part...

Marry the love of your life.

You nod anyways, cause words could expose you.

She smiles. You’re glad she’s never been the person to ask twice cause you might just break if you’re asked one more time. “That’s good, cause he looks like a really nice man.”

What would she know about nice men. If you weren’t worried before; you’re terrified now.

“You deserve the best and i hope he’ll be that.” You can hear the choke in her voice. This would be the first time you ever see her cry about something you’ve accomplished,  but again your dad isn’t here.

“mom--” you whine your own tears threatening, you love your mother, and you have no idea if that's a gift or a curse.

She doesn’t let the tears stop her. “You’re the best thing that’s happened to me, you know that?” You are? It’s hard to let the words sink in deeper but you acknowledge the possibility.

Even from that your tears fall. Gosh....Jisoo’s gonna be so mad at you. “You’re so smart, so beautiful.” Her hands hold each side of your arm.

She’s so grateful you have those friends of yours. They had told her, you went dress shopping together and it hurt that she couldn’t be there. But atleast you had people who could help you pick out such a wonderful dress. It’s better than anything she could choose. And she tries her best to not question the jewellery,  cause your husband bought it for you. But it does look good together.

Putting whatever has happened aside you pull her into a hug. One which she reciprocates. It feels nice, really nice to hug her in so long.

When was the last time you hugged? You can’t even remember.

“i’m sorry your dad is so stubborn.”  She tries not to lean on your dress.

You wish she could stop bringing him up.

“It’s not your fault” she’s always apologsing for him and you hate it. You pull away.

You’re wiping your tears. And like in disbelief to herself she speaks to herself. “I should’ve married a better man huh?” she questions. She’s asked herself that many times. Would she have been different if she had married somebody else, somebody she loved, maybe you would’ve been better. She has no clue and she'll never know. You both will never know.

“But don’t let him know that.” She asks jokingly and you shake your head with a laugh. It’s not like you’ll be talking to him.

After a moment of self collection she speaks a bit calmer. “Be happy okay? Make this marriage work. I really want you to be happy—”

Can you be happy with him? No. So maybe that’s the one thing you’ll disappoint your mother on. It pains you to say.

So the least you can do is not have kids with him. You won't get that far anyways, so you’re good.

“Yn—” a voice too comfortable for your liking calls out for you. You’re both startled as he approaches immediately smiling as he sees your mother. She smiles about at him too. You don't share the sentiment, first he’s interrupting for whatever reason and second,  he just ruins your mood.

“Oh—hello mrs y/l/n” He says. He hadn’t spotted her because of how you stand.

“Hi dear.” She coos and its so irritating,  maybe she wanted a son instead.  She immediately pulls jungkook into a hug he does not expect. They'd only just glanced at eachother and now that he’s speaking to her, he has no clue what to say. He was not prepared.

But she’s so welcoming he doesn’t feel like he needs to be prepared. He can be free with her.

The hug feels warm he does want to pull away cause he’s getting distracted.

“How are you feeling?” she asks warmly, hands still connected to his biceps, patting him.

“I’m feeling okay. How are you?” He can’t help but be so formal and tense. He’s comforted and relaxes when she tells him he doesn’t have to be so.

“you’re my son now, relax.” She says and he has to hold himself especially when you stare him down like he wasn’t meant to be here, like he didn’t deserve the feeling.

He clears his throat.

“Just little emotional but i’ll be fine.” She says it so animatedly. You stare in awe at the woman. Maybe it was the fact that you were a girl that was the problem. You let out a sharp breath that no one notices. Honestly you want to walk away but something makes you stay. Mainly cause you want to know what jungkook wanted to say. Which he’s taking too long to.

“You’re such a handsome man.” She compliments. Instinctively, her hands move to his tie , that must’ve shifted as he walked around. She goes in to fix it and Jungkook freezes. He watches her hands tease the fabric, every pull feeling like a pull at his heart instead. “I hope you two make each other happy.”

She smiles, but jungkook has always learnt to read people,  adults especially.  He can see the pleading wrapped in deep sincerity and fear. He empathises with that.

“i’ll do that.” He declares. It’s a promise cause he will. he'll try his best. His eyes move to you and it looks like he’s failing already. “i just hope she’ll do the same.” He laughs.

Your roll your eyes  and your mother doesn’t catch it cause she would be lecture you. Or maybe she did.

All of this is unnecessary. She shouldn't be endorsing jungkook, if she really cared about you.

Your mother has always been good at spotting tension, between lovers especially. But she won’t comment. You like to retaliate so she won’t get into it. Not at your wedding. She assumes it’s already enough that she’s here, after saying she wouldn’t come.

“Well—if she  gives you any trouble—” she mimics a phone with her hand.

Jungkook laughs. “I’m an easy man to please so it should be that difficult.”

The pretence is killing you. He’s so fake. Both of them are.

“You wanted to say something?.” The air turns cold immediately. You just want to know what he wants. And if it’s something stupid...

Jungkook clears his throat feeling that tension returning in his body. “i was just coming to say, the photographer is waiting.”

That’s what he wanted to say? You’re sure you would've found out eventually. He didn’t have to be the one to tell you, or maybe Jisoo or Tae could’ve. Maybe even his own groomsmen. Just anyone but him.

“Pictures?” You question like you hadn’t know that the day would get to this point. Honestly you were hoping it wouldn’t. Where are the photographers that flake out? You need those.

“Do you not wan-” Jungkook asks but is cut off by your concerned mother.

“Yn you have to have pictures.” She declares softly but it lands like thunder in your ears.

Do you? You have to have even more evidence that this is real? It honestly feels like one of those things she forces you to do.

You will do it. "I was just surprised.” Jungkook watches how you turn your eyes away,  not like you did with him in anger—no— but in surrender. To your mother.

“Everybody’s down stairs.” He adds soft eyes still on you. You’re biting your inner cheek.

“I’ll go ahead you two talk.” Your mother says winking to anyone of you as she walks off.

You want to walk off to but jungkook speaks before you get the chance to.

You inch away from him, again.

“Are you okay?” his voice is soft and patient. Wanting to claw deeper into you.  But you won't let him.

“i’m fine.” You fold your arms over your chest, ignoring the worry of it wrinkling.

He should honestly just avoid you or walk away cause unlike your mother you won’t be taking any form of lie or fakery from him. From the get go you’re gonna let him no you don't care for this marriage or him. “Why are y-ow.”

You flinch.

It was inevitable. If you bit down any harder you'd poke a hole to the outside. But even with the tiny slip, you bleed.

“Let me see.” It’s not an ask. You have no time to respond when he’s grabbing your chin softly. You want to protest but the cut and the blood that spews is distracting.

You open your mouth shyly and he turns you head inspecting. You feel stupid, but he doesn’t pay mind to your knitted brows. Honestly he couldn’t careless about your attitude right now.

It’s not bad your body will probably heal it by itself. But you’re still bleeding. “You still do that?”

“What?” You try to speak. When he let’s your chin go you try your best not to get the blood on the dress. That would wreck your mood.

“Bite your cheek.”  He reminds. You’ve never stopped, but it’s just today that you've gone to far and caused a cut. You wish he could stop pretending like he knows you or cares.

“I’ve told you about that.”

Oh please–you roll your eyes so hard they’ll fall out next.

“I’m fine.”

He hates when you say that and you're clearly are not. Why can’t you just be free, trust him even just a miniscule of how you hate him.

“Here.” He reaches into his suit pocket and pulls out a handkerchief. He hands it you and you look at it for a second. Your dress is going to stain.

After giving into the subtext of it all, you get the cloth to spit into it.

When you’re done, you fold it, not knowing where to put it cause you have no pockets. You have to throw  it, he won’t take it back. You wouldn’t take it back. He alleviates your struggle and has you widening your eyes when he takes the cloth and places it were it initially was.

In sickness and in health, right?

“What were you saying.” He ask once that’s over with. He’s still curious about what you were trying to say.

You don't even want to speak anymore. You don’t want to be here. But you know it’ll itch at your throat so you say it anyways.

“Why are you pretending?” You try your best to stare him in the face.

He tilts his head. “Pretending?”

“Yeah.” You taste Iron but not from the blood.

Jungkook let’s out a warm sigh. “I’m sorry you think that.” Is he serious. He’s not at least going to confess that he’s pretending. You don’t even know why he’s doing it. It’s not going to change anything. Unless that's his way of fucking with you.

“Forget it." You can’t get anywhere with him. “People should be waiting for us.”

He laughs. This is going to be interesting. 

“We should probably hold hands.” For realism. “Or maybe that would be too prentenious me?”

“Fuck off.”

--

Your hand is loose in his, and immediately you get the chance you pull away, you do.

Getting announced as mrs Jeon, you doubt you’ll get used to or you won’t roll your eyes everytime you hear it.

It honestly doesn’t feel like it's you they’re talking about.

You’ll be fine as long as you’re away from him. It’s easisr to forget he’s around when you’re with your friends.

With them is when you’re able to loosen up and dance. The music booming is enough to block any emotion that tries to come through,

You do want to make the best of this night, with your friends.

It doesn’t last long when a brooding figure walks over standing next to you.

“i’m sorry can i steal her from you?”

No no no. You plead in your mind,

“Sure, go ahead.” You frown at your friends for just letting you go so easily. Is this how this whole thing is going is going be? It shocks you that not even Taehyung protests. Where is the hate? the dislike that he once professed. This would be the perfect time for him to live up to his words.

Once jungkook gets what he wanted; you and him in the crowd and away from your comfort zone, you ask.

“What do you want?”

“Want to dance with you.” He tries to pull you in but you pull away the arm he reaches for. You don’t look at him kindly and he would be discouraged by that if he didn’t know you.

You both look around. People drink and dance and the bride and groom can barely be in the same room.

“Why?”

“Why?” He chuckles. You can’t decipher what type of chuckle it is, condescending? Mocking? He thinks his better than you type of chuckle? You try to to decipher it. But if you only paid attention to the way he’s eyes soften,  you would’ve realised its a hurt chuckle. “Am i not allowed?” he stares.

“it’s just--”

“just what?”

It’s just that he’s too casual with this. He doesn’t understand the weight of your unanswered quetions. Quetions you can’t bring to the surface, let alone at such a time. Questions that would not do much for you but feed your anger towards him.

“Relax for once..Yn” He tried his best not to say it, not when you’re still a boiling pot tipping over every second you see him. You’d get defensive and he knows it. So he just waits.

“I'm too relaxed actually.” Otherwise you wouldn’t be here. Hell only knows half of what you'd do.

That’s the difference with you two.

You don’t want to dance with him. So when the host announces that it’s time for the groom and bride dance, you want the earth to swallow you.  But knowing it, it would spit you right back and reverse time just so that you can go through this another time.

Jungkook is too comfortable with this too. But people are watching and he reminds you of that. You hate how you agree with him. People who think you’re not dreading this union and are happy for you should at least see you happy.

You relax only for that reason.

One hand lays stiff on his chest, the other is held by him, and you hate how soft he holds it. You told him to stop pretending.

You sway, his hand on your lower back. You try your hardest to be closer to him in a way that doesn’t raise suspicion or betray yourself.

jungkook betrayed himself long before all of this. He betrayed himself the moment you walked in through the door and he watched you leave. He was livid that day and if he did follow after you he wouldn’t have known what to say. But maybe a simple “Please stay”  would’ve sufficed but it’s exactly what you were running from. Having to stay with no possibility of progression. He hates the universe for bringing you to him when he was where he was. He won’t betray himself this time. Maybe his self respect will be in a way, betrayed, cause he takes every blow you give and comes back for another.

Jungkook is by your ear and you can hear the tiny breaths he puffs out. Does he know he doesn’t need to get this close to make it believed. You battle with where to place your hand, right now it lays on his beating heart—you can feel its pace quickens each second — you can’t move it further or any lower, so you keep it there. Hating the evidence of his presence existence.

“I missed you.” He whispers weakly.

You freeze.

He can feel your muscles lock. He shouldn’t have said that. Fuck.

It’s what you would’ve wanted to hear. Not anymore, not now. Right now the words run acid down your throat and your heart burns.

He made his choice long ago. He doesn’t get to come back and tell you whatever he feels like to draw you in. It won’t work. He wasted your time before and you let him and even though he is in the position to do it right now, you won’t let him.

You’re not needy and desperate for love anymore. And after this, the word love tastes like lime.

“let me go Jungkook.”

You say slowly pulling away. When does this song fucking end?

He panics internally but he doesn’t let go. You’ll thank him later(he knows you won't.) Cause he knows you'd hate to make a scene.

He was warning his friends not to say anything when really he should’ve been telling himself that.

“Yn...”

“No.” You reject whatever he wants to say. Whatever lie his mind has come up with.  Its been working overtime he should let it rest.

You slowly but firmly try to pull away, but he holds you tighter. If only he knew how close you are to the edge of not caring about the eyes around. Your frustration converts into a physical form; tears in your eyes and saying words you never intended to bring up. “You always say what you want, when it’s beneficial for you.”

Is it? Is any of this benficial for him.

“What do you need from me huh?.”  He looks down at you, maybe you'll finally realise how serious he is. He’s begging you, begging  you to say even an inkling of what you truly want. Even if it’s not him.

“i need you to leave me alone.” You tell him.

False. He won’t believe that.

“i can’t do that.” He shakes his head. “i mean-we’re married.”

At this point you stop swaying and stand in eachother’s arms like a statue in a French museum.

“i-i know.” You hate that that do. Marriage can bind you by law but it can't bind your emotions and feelings. “But you’ll figure it out.”

Your hands slip off him but he still has one touch on you.

“You want me to wait?” he would. The words come out a little sharper than intended. But its too heated to retract or clarify.

“just leave me alone.”

He finally let’s you go and you walk off as fast as the gown will let you.

“Everything okay?” Taehyung immediatley walks up to him.

“i-i don’t know.”

Taehyung frowns. From his view it just looks like you got irritated. You have been for some reason today. And jungkook must not know who who deal with it, being a stranger and all. The poor guy looks stunned. What did you say to him?

Laying a warm and comforting hand on his back taheyung says, “don’t beat yourself... it must be the nerves getting to her.” He says knowing how overwhelmed you can get and react.

“Probably” jungkook doesn’t even look at your frend but when he does he’s met with a comforting smile. One he can return. “Can you check on her for me?”

Taehyung nods already on his way through the direction he saw you walk.

.

Your body shivers. You've never had to go through this many emotions before at once. Hatred for yourself,  for him, for everyone. Everything wrong that has happened to you has happened because you let it get to you. You’re not cut out for this. You would’ve walked away at the aisle but now...and for what?

“Yn?” You flinch at the sound like Taehyung’s voice. He can’t see you like this. What the hell are you going to tell him. “Are you okay?” he asks.

How can you say you are when you clearly aren’t. How can you say words when your voice will betray you for.

“Can i open the door?”

No you can’t. You’ll just cry more.

“No.”

Taehyung’s taken aback by your response,  what the hell happened.  Normally you'd let him in immediately,  even before he said a word. “Tell me what's wrong.”

Should you? Maybe if you did, it would alleviate some pressure. But if you did tell him you’d have to explain more  than you’re ready for.

“He’s my ex Tae.”

He knits his brows. You’re joking. You are. He thinks you are, but then he remembers you’re not that creative or funny.

Your silence raises more questions than answers.

“I’m coming in.” And he does. The door was open nothing really was stopping him from walking in but respect.

“What did you say?” he says when he's finally in.

“He’s my ex.” Honestly you were just a hook up to him, so can you even calm him your ex?

“How don’t i know him?” Taehyung immediately sits down at the closest surface to you. It must be like a change room or something. None have gotten the chance to explore the venue beyond the occupied areas.

Taehyung watches you fight your tears, which is something he wishes you would stops doing. But you never listen.

“Never wanted to tell you guys.” You can’t even look at him. He probably thinks you don't trust him or Jisoo,  and you're such a bad friend. If you fail at this what can you do? You don't want to acknowledge it to anyone,  but you’re just embarrassed.

As well as you trust them and are your friends, you’re just too embarrassed to tell them some things. Plus, they'd get upset if they knew anyways.  And you hate when your friends are upset with you.

“Jisoo doesn’t know too?”

You shake your head.

He sighs. There's probably a reason why you didn’t want to tell them but now is not the time to ask.

He can’t help his heart fill bitterness, he must’ve hurt you. You never cry like this. “Come here.” He says pulling you into a hug. You make sure not to stain his suit.

You’ve already stained your dress. You hope there nothing the dry cleaners can't do. “You wanna stay married?”

The question is heavy and you’ve only realised you haven’t thought of it or the answer. ”There’s nothing i can do, Tae.” Your tears dry leaving salt paths.

There is definitely something you can do. Annulment. And you and Taehyung both know that. He knows you know. “You still love him?”

“Tae...” you pull away slowly. It does feel a little better to tell someone.

“don’t tell me. We’’ll talk.”

But there’s no talking needed.

“i don’t.” You swallow hard. “My mom just looks so happy for me. I don’t want to disappoint her. She really believes in this.” You speak your thoughts rumbling past your decision maker. There's nothing taehyung doesn't know about you so it's fine. “She came all the way—and—i can’t i just can’t.” Your throat closes and the tears flood your eyes again.

Taehyung immediately pulls you into him, this time your head lays right on his suit. It's not important right now.

“Don’t talk. It’s okay.”

“is she okay?” jungkool Immediately places a hand on Taehyung’s shoulder when he spots him.

Taehyung stares at the hand. Jungkook pulls back.

“What did you say?” Taehyung asks anything but interested in letting him know anything else.

“is she okay?”

“she’s fine.” He spits out. “what did you do to her?” Taehyung inches closer.

“nothing.” Jungkook defends but Taehyung is anything but satisfied.

“You dated?” he continues to press in. What the hell happened,  what did you say?

No matter what you said or made him look, he can only take that tone from a few people. And this guy he barely knows won’t be one.

“i’m not going to talk about that with you.”

“You are.”

Jungkook chuckles and finally looks at Taehyung who’s never stopped looking at him.

“i understand where you’re coming from, but i need to talk to her first.”

He’s needs him to understand that.

“She doesn’t want to talk to you right now.”

Of course you don't, he expected it. But now you can’t run from him for forever.  Eventually you will talk to him. “That’s fine, i’ll wait.”

Taehyung laughs. “i knew there was something i didn’t like about you.”

What does he want him to do about that?

“That’s a shame.”

--

This is the part of the night you were dreading. You’ve always been able to deal with things with your friends around, they make it easier. It’s either them or work. You love to drown yourself in projects, assignments too. But you prefer your friends.

But you have none right now.

And a day from now you’ll have none of them for two weeks.

You also said good bye to your mother not knowing when you’d see her again. You invited her to yours but she was quick to turn it down.

“it’s your wedding night I can’t do that.” she blushed and you rolled your eyes.

You were not going to be doing anything with him—you can’t even imagine it-- let alone would you be staying in the same house.

It’s the new age; you don’t have to stay in the same house with your marriage partner. Not if you don’t have anything for each other anyways.

You both sit at either end of the car, staring out the window.

Your leg bounces, as you tease at your nails. Your father would curse at you for that, but honestly, he’d curse at so many other things he wouldn’t get the chance. A minute ago you discovered that you could see Jungkook’s reflection and it fueled your anger. You shake your head. Trying not to be childish you no longer stare at the window, there was never anything for you anyways.

Jungkook barely said bye to his parents or friends, he couldn’t when he was too busy wondering where his mother was or why she couldn’t just stay longer. But she promised to talk later.

Though he doubts it’s going to come.

He can’t go home. Since it’s night, his mother can’t drive (doesn’t want to.) And his dad can’t at night. Namjoon drove them to his. They’ll be leaving later on. And even though he knows that the night is short, even that would be too long to be around them.

She never even said congratulations.

“Can i stay at yours?” he speaks into the silence, its dumb to ask considering you don't like him much right now.

You should’ve cooled down now, at least. Though he can tell you’re dreading his presence.

“No.” Its so stupid of him to even ask “You’re not homeless are you?” it’s funny how embarrassment can transition to anger so smoothly.

“it’s fine.” He was stupid for asking. But the thought of going home right now is probably worse than the feeling you feel if hating him. He was just hoping for that part of you that always welcomed him. “i’m not gonna beg.” It’s a chant he’s been telling himself since he was a kid. Has it been effective...somebody else would have to be the judge of that.

“Didn’t expect you to.” You preferred he didn’t speak at all. Let alone bring up the idea of you being in one box again...hasn’t he had enough?

A silence eats at both of you until be breaks it.

“My parents are staying there.”

You turn to look at him. He doesn’t look to you. You turn back with a frown.

Why is he telling you that? He loves to be the victim so bad. So what? He wants pity from you?

“House not big enough?”

“No.” Maybe if he had a larger house he’d be able to hide in his many rooms.

“You don’t speak anymore?” Why the fuck are you even talking. Shut up.

“We spoke before the wedding.” He watches the neon lights change as the driver drives buy everything. Right now, with how he's feeling,  he'd either be in a club or a girl’s bed. None of that now. He has to endure it all or find another method. “But last time was on her birthday. It was my dad i spoke to though.” He can remember the way his voice lowered in tone and excitement when his father picked up instead.  “She didn’t even pick up her own phone.”

Your try not to think further but you would expect that from his mother. “Your dad looked happy.” At least for him. You didn’t get to speak to them but you saw it. You wish you could’ve spoken to his father. He’s a lovely man.

“He was. And your da-“ he’s gotten to comfortable but he doesn’t realize.

“You can if you want.” You interrupt, you're not going to get into that.

His head snaps to you but you hide behind your palm over your mouth, almost like you regret speaking the words. “Doesn’t sound like you want me there.” He runs a hand through his hair. He told Seokjin not to use this gel. He cringes at the tackiness of it.

“i’ll just stay at nam-”

“Don’t be so smug.” There it is. You lasted longer than you thought.

“Me?” but he’s the only person you're talking to so it must be him.

“Yeah. Take the offer or leave it.”

His chuckle lasts two breathes. “I want you to hear yourself...”  he prepares to mock your tone. “you can if you want. Does that sound genuine?”

Maybe it’s not. Maybe you just want him to shut up.

“Take it or leave it.” You ignore his false recreation of you.

The silence falls again. This time he has something to think about.

He doesn’t want to be at his, and he doesn’t want to bother Seokjin. He could go to namjoon’s but its too far, and even still the older would have too many questions. He doesn’t want to deal with that too.

Your attitude is honestly manageable.

“You still fucking amaze me.”

-

He eyes everything that he sees, its definitely like you. Did you just move in? Cause its not decorated in any sort of way. The pale grey and cream walls lay interchangeably on each wall.

It’s still nice though.

“You’ll sleep here.” You say opening your guest bedroom,  just as simple as the rest of your house. Is your bedroom the same?

You reach into the closet where you store the sheets and pull them out one by one.

"But i wanted to sleep with you.” The look you give him when he says that is laughable. Can you not decern or take a joke. “i’m joking.” He laughs awkwardly.

He shouldn’t be joking with you, you’re not interested. “Don’t. I could kick you out.”

He laughs drier, but you don’t catch it cause of the ruffling of the blanket you pull out.

“Do it.” He says, not knowing how serious he is. He takes off his tie and throws it on the dresser. He’s so like taehyung,  and just like taehyung he’ll have to learn the hard away about how you like things in your apartment. “Would only take minutes for an uber to arrive.”

Is he really trying you? Does he think you care  if he’s walking out the street in the middle of the night? Scoff. “Just take the fucking covers.”

And that's all. All he needs are here and you can finally to your room and relax. That's all you really want to do right now.

“yn?” You roll your eyes when he calls out your name before you retreat out the room.

“What.”

He'll ignore. “i have nothing to change into.” He spreads his arms for you to take in his attire, like you haven’t already been burdened with the sight.

You groan. You have no idea what you could give him to wear, does he think this is some hotel. But as you rummage through the closet of your own room, you manage to pull out some sweats and a t-shirt from an ex. “here.” You say bringing it to him.

He eyes them once, then twice then he looks at you. You definitely don’t own those, their too masculine.  So now he’s compelled to ask.

“Who are those from?”

What does it matter, you wanna cuss out but choose not to.

“An ex, take it or not. I don’t care.” You really don’t care. You’ve done Your part and you’re not required to do more.

“i don’t either” he doesn’t mind walking around here like he does at home. “...but i’m not wearing that. and out of respect i wouldn’t want to walk around here naked.”

You mumble about him being a baby.  Can’t he just wear it. They’re good, clean and would definitely fit him. So what if they were from an ex? You would...would you?

“What do you want me to give you my shorts?”

“i would prefer.” He retorts quickly.

And you know this conversation won’t go anywhere, if your just give him what he wants and right now you’re willing to do that only because its gonna benefit you.

“Oh my gosh you’re so unbelievable.”

“I’m not as bad as you think.”

“i wish.” You mumble.

Retreating into your room and rummaging one more you manage to find something he could wear. You hope he can. Unfortunately it’s only bottoms.

“Here these are Taehyung’s.” You present the linen pajama pants that Taehyung had left some time ago and never bothered to get back. You stretch your hand out lazily and he just stares at them. “If you won’t take these then you can call that uber.” You don't look at him when you say you say the words, it's more the smirk on his lips that you look at.

You relax when he reaches out to take them. He’s like dealing with a toddler.

“i don’t think he likes me much.” He adds making you stay in the room. Jungkook still looks around. It irritates you when he sits on your bed. He shouldn’t be this comfortable and blending in with the environment.

“I don’t blame him.” You fold your arms. He takes off his shoes and when you stare at them hard as he lines them up.

You want to get out of this dress too. Maybe soak it a little. Bright and early tomorrow your gonna take it to the dry cleaners.

“We should talk don’t you think?”

Your body stiffens.

“i’ve had a long day.”

Like you hadn’t shared the same day.

“We had the same day.” He informs you.

You laugh.

“i don’t remember you walking don’t the aisle to your ex.”

He pauses at unbuckling his belt...you should really walk out.

“Really?”

It clicks that you did have the same day, but you had it worse cause he didn’t seem like he cared. “Whatever...” you roll your eyes.

You clean this room everyday, even though you rarely expect any guests apart from taehyhng and Jisoo who most of the time stay in your room.

So it’s irritating and weird that all your efforts of cleaning and everything you've done in this room goes to...him.

“Some would say i’ve had it worse.”

Of course he would think that. But what some would say doesn't matter.

“You wanna be the victim so bad.”

It offends him how you just assume, you never care to ask.

“i don’t wanna be anything.” He shakes his head denying the claim. “i’m not the one who wants to argue.”

The laugh that leaves your mouth is sharp and dismissive. You're about to lose your mind. Now you can be free just being the two of you. No pretend touches or posing for cameras.

“i don’t want to argue. Just to let you know. ” you barely want to talk to him. Why the hell would you want to argue? its not your fault you get angry when he opens his mouth.

“Then why are we still talking?”

You swallow. Who does he think he is? Does he realise he’s walking around in your house, wearing your clothes and in your sheets?

“it’s my house. And you’re barely a guest just to let you know.” Your voice raises with each word. He can’t talk to you like that. He should be apologising. He should be a little more respectful and grateful that he’s here right now and not in the cold. He should get off his high horse.

“You should call that uber.”

He sighs at your words. How much of it can he take? You’re making this hard for him.

Making him feel like it's a waste of time.

“Call it, Yn.”

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

A/n: 😏😏 what did you think? I hope you liked it.

anyways I hope you enjoyed.

same time next week?

Lets discuss in the replies 🖐😊

taglist:

@lovingkoalaface @granataepfelchen @jksusawife @notsevenwithyou @llallaaa @kmpj9 @lryf @smileyshaven @dragonflygurl4 @mar-lo-pap @blueberriesm @vantelover1306 @bjoriis @alana4610

note: to join taglist just inbox.

every note, reply and reblog is appreciated.

[serpenlupus]

I want Sentinel to suffer, and then to die in darkness.

I've been thinking about this line for a while now,

"No, I want to kill him! I want to put Sentinel in chains and march him through the mines so everyone can see him for the false Prime that he is! I want him to suffer, and then to die in darkness."

I find this sentence so revealing about the general Miner's state of mind.

Because, make no mistake, the movie is telling us in no uncertain terms, that the Miners are expected to die doing their job. And also, that they're punished if they don't accept this. Because the system views them as expendable, and tries its best to convince them as well.

The scene of the cave in shows this perfectly; protocol demands that a trapped miner be left behind, even if that means their death. Elita says it outright when Orion comunicates that Jazz is stuck: "Do not break protocol, EVACUATE" a.k.a, leave him. And maybe it's becase the only ones near Jazz at that moment were Dee and Orion, but the thing is, none of the other miners show any attempt to go in and help them. They remain still even when they see them near the exit while Elita does everything in her power to keep it open, to the point that it's D-16 the one that has to tackle her away from it when they're going out (also D-16 punching the walls of rock out of the way? Danm son).

The narrative is showing us that stopping to help is the exception, not the rule, and we can presume that if Jazz had been accompanied by different bots, he would have died. It took two of them to barely get him out of there. And man, you cannot tell me that Orion Pax never had to come to terms with the fact that if the one trapped in one of those tunnels was either him or Dee, one would have to choose between staying behind to save the other, possibly dying in the attemp, or leave their friend behind to save himself.

I want Sentinel to suffer, and then to die in darkness." - D-16.

We know that Orion could never live with this knowledge and do nothing about it. Because if he was in that scenario, he could not leave Dee, nor could he accept to be the cause of his end. So it gives additional meaning to his actions on the movie.

Because, sure, the movie presents Orion Pax as sort of bull headed and self centered (D-16 certainly calls those out as flaws), but his motives may not be so selfish as we're led to believe at first glance. He wants to find the Matrix of Leadership, not because he will be hailed as a hero if he does so, but because

"We will have to stop mining for energon" (We will stop having to die to find energon).

"We are meant for more than this" ( We are meant for more than to die in the mines).

"Don't you want to choose your own path, be able to do whatever we want?" (I don't want us to die)

It's always a "we". Because, after all, he doesn't want to see Dee die in the mines (or any of his friends, I dare say). This desperate desire to save D-16, and not just himself, is what puts the plot into motion. And he tries to save him by attempting to find the Matrix, but Orion also looks for ways to bring small joys to D-16 in the day to day, like bringing him the sticker, or participating in the race. Of course you could argue that he brought Dee to the race despite his protests because he wanted someone that he knew would watch out for him, I won't deny that, BUT, counterargument:

Look at his smile. This dude is having the time of his life participating in a race with his boyfriend and you can take that truth from my dead cold hands.

What I mean to say with all this, is that the movie tries to tell us in subtle ways that while both are trying to save the other, they're funtamentally different. D-16 is saving Orion from more inmediate problems, like hiding him from the guards, looking out for him in the mines and the race, etc. He has accepted the place they have in that society and he is resigned to it, because he thinks there's no other option. Meanwhile Orion is looking to save D-16 in a long term sort of way, by changing the Status Quo, because he refuses to accept that there are no other options.

They both cared so much for the other that they kept trying to keep the other safe in the only way they could fathom.

AND THEN THIS HAPPENS

This fucking movie

[skaldish]

Alright folks. Here it is, my theory of what Ragnarok actually represents. It is very messy and I'm not sure I'm going to be able to actually convey my understanding clearly like I try with most things, because genuinely this is shit I would write a doctorate-level thesis on.

But we're going to try anyway.

So. After doing a lot to try to replicate animistic thinking, as well as taking a VERY deep read of the Norse myths, my theory is that Ragnarok is specifically allegory for societal collapse—the "end of the world" imagery and such is meant to convey what this feels like.

Recall what Odin says in Grimnismal. It goes something like this, since I can't be arsed to find the exact quote:

Huginn and Muninn fly over the world every day; while I fear Huginn ("thought") may not return, I fear Muninn's ("memory's") absence most.

When a society collapses, so does it's memory. It loses its technology, its methodologies, its paradigms, and everything it has learned about the world up to that point. Gone. Entire chapters of history erased.

What causes societal collapse is not always a conquering force, but is oftentimes the result of circumstances that a society orchestrates for itself. Think Rome.

People who have gone through societal collapse will probably develop an invested interest in figuring out how to prevent it entirely, so they don't have to start society all over again.

It's one thing to preserve the memory of "things collapsed and here's why" using a story. But it's another thing to do what apparently the Norse people did, which is cultivate a methodology for cognitively hardening their own society against collapse, using stories as a way to do it.

Like...I'm not kidding when I say they legitimately knew how the human mind works, and then built an entire system of stories and narratives that intentionally support the mind's freedom, cultivation, and agency. I can only convey a fraction of how this works in this post because the rest requires a deep-dive into behavioral psychology and neurological development.

All the tales leading to Ragnarok demonstrate various instances where the gods choose to follow their own agendas at the expense of the real people and forces in the world. All of these little things contribute to the magnitude of the event that is Ragnarok.

The tales represent these transgressions using allegories rather than literal events. This is because these stories were designed for children, who don't process information through a prefrontal cortex like we do as adults. They don't have them yet. But this gives kids an intuitive understanding for how circumstances of collapse feel, so they can recognize them in all their forms.

Loki is an allegory for the mischief we feel as children, and for the behaviors we demonstrate before we get to the age where we start valuing cooperation. In the myths, every time Loki causes mischief in ways that creates problems, the gods get mad at him and threaten Loki's life until he fixes his mess. Loki eventually becomes vindictive, kills Baldr in a jealous fit, and then is punished by being bound and buried beneath the ground, only to fight against the gods in Ragnarok.

The surface-level takeaway is a lesson in parenting: If we punish kids for their mischief, they're going to become vindictive adults, and these adults are going to have it out for the rest of society because they've been disenfranchised.

But it doesn't just end here. Consider how we punish ourselves for our own sense of mischief, beating ourselves up for having "problematic" thoughts and trying to bind and bury those thoughts in the depths of our mind.

These thoughts come from a place our mind known as the limbic system, which is focused on avoiding pain and seeking pleasure, and—most importantly—does not understand the world or make decisions using logic and reason, but in terms of what feels enjoyable and what doesn't.

We tend to call this system our inner child.

When we punish our inner child, that child starts doing exactly what Loki does and resorts to malicious and petty tricks. We can hold this behavior at bay until something causes us to "snap" (like Jörmungandr's tail does) and out comes the malice of the disenfranchised inner child, which creates a terrible cascade of social consequences for us.

Now, if we were to listen to these stories as kids, we would naturally be very upset whenever Loki was threatened of punished, because we think out of the limbic system at that age and Loki is meant to represent us—specifically, the state of being a kid. We would see what comes to pass, with Loki being imprisoned and fighting the gods against Ragnarok, and it would become clear to us that there's consequences for punishing mischief AND also causing too much of it.

Now I don't know about you, but I was very motivated by a sense of justice as a kid. Hearing Loki's arc would have inspired me to learn how to be friends with my sense of mischief while also learning to use it in ways that were cooperative and social, because this would have been how I could right the wrong I felt was done to Loki. It would also mean my own limbic system will not fight against me in the future, but be a modality of thought I can always access. (This is the beauty of the way the Norse myths are crafted; they are designed to instill knowledge of the world using mechanisms that reinforce one's own sense of agency and competency, so rather than being told the moral of this tale, it sets me up to run right into the conclusion it wants me to draw, but in a way that makes me feel smart and therefore inspires me to value it.)

The binding of Fenrir serves a similar allegory. When we become explosively angry in the way that Fenrir represents, it consumes our wisemind the same way Fenrir consumes Odin during Ragnarok. But this only happens if we bind Fenrir/our anger. By demonizing this nature of ours simply for existing, it will not only refuse to listen to us, but also turn against us. Remember that Fenrir was willing to socialize and cooperate with the gods before his betrayal.

(Honestly, I believe this is why ulfheiðnar existed the way they did. Even though the animalistic rage of ulfheiðnar was too terrible for domestic society, it was not demonized, but instead given a social function. People would learn to understand and partner with their own sense of rage, and I'm guessing this is also how they were able to keep their sense of reason and priorities straight even while going berserk from psychoactives.)

These two examples serve to illustrate how societal collapse stems from binding or punishing our own natures. But also fearing our own nature as mortals factors into it.

For example, Naglfar. This is a ship constructed of dead people's fingernails, and its completion is part of what signals the beginning of Ragnarok. But as the story goes, we can delay Naglfar's construction by trimming the nails of the dead before we bury them.

Naglfar represents "neglect for the dead," and this is significant because the act of no longer viewing the dead as people is sort of like the canary in the coal mine for no longer view each other as people...and no longer seeing people as people is what defines Ragnarok.

A society is at peace when its people have no fear of death, and having no fear of death comes only by incorporating death as a normal and familiar part of life, just like we do with birth. Our relationship with death is a litmus test for our relationship with our own humanity—if we fear the dead and cannot see them as human beings, then we are always going to fear a part of our own humanity, and be at war with it. The simple act of keeping the nails of the dead well-groomed because it stalls Naglfar's construction was a way to remind people why such a simple act was profoundly important.

And these are just the things that I can think of off the top of my head that are the most obvious examples. There are—and I shit you not—multitudes of these things laced within the Norse myths.

(I haven't even gotten to the part about how the Norse creation myth uses what the womb feels like to characterize it. Telling this story to very little children helps them establish a sense of familiarity, belonging, and secure attachment with the entire world from the get-go. If they learn the world is everything they've already experienced, then their bodies will never be afraid of it, because nothing about it will feel unknown or unknowable. Like, how fucking dope can you get.)

So here's where we get to the really dense irony of all this: Why we don't pick up on all these nuances as Westerners and have so far missed this entirely.

It is for two reasons.

The first is because our society values the things that the Norse people identified as contributing to societal collapse—namely, the act of conquering/competing against other forces and conquering/competing against our own natures. The transgressions of the Aesir are not things we register as problematic because to us they're normal.

The second is that we don't think animistically. The way we are taught to convey, interpret, and transmit information is designed PURELY by and for the prefrontal cortex, with neglect to everything else (if you ever wonder why Americans look weird in how we behave, this is why). But because we only prioritize communicating this way, we're missing out on all the context added within the Norse myths. These myths function the same way Old Norse kennings did, in that they are designed to speak to ALL areas of the brain at once and in tandem, but if we only engage with it using one part of the brain, we're only going to get a small piece of the picture and the rest is going to look weird.

(Little experiment for you: Try to logic something out in your mind or think through a complex problem without using words or sentences to do it. Use any other kind of thought-process besides language. I promise you that not only is this possible, but it yields a completely different kind of experience and conclusion than you might otherwise reach.)

Honestly, I don't even think Snorri himself fully understood what he was looking at when he was recording the Norse myths. I think he was just writing them down according to how they were told, word-for-word. But his cluelessness is our good fortune now, because he not only preserved the cultural stories, but also what I consider an entire cognitive technology.

And every time I look at it, I can't help but think about the generations of people who sat around the fire in the dead of winter, weaving, crafting, and figuring out better ways to fortify their society, raise kids so they became fine and truly fearless people, and conserve information. This is, as far as I'm concerned, real magic.

They knew some shit.

[patscorner]

Hey, idk if your taking requests rn but could you do an Emily Engstler x chubby reader fic where reader is in her feelings about a personal subject of your choice and they end up arguing over it? Idk just some angst and fluff please?

I don't really like how this turned out, but here you gooo

Butterflies

Summary: When you receive hate, instead of getting the calm, gentle response from your girlfriend, you get an unexpected reaction.

wc: 1,099

Contains: talks of insecurities, two kisses, that's all

______________________________

You sigh as you put your car in park. Finally, after a day in hell(at work), you were home. For some reason, everyone and their mom decided to test you today. Ranging from customers cussing you out, to Emily being cranky before you left for work, the day seemed to be giving you a break.

Even though you and your girlfriend had bickered all morning, right now, you wanted nothing more than to be in her arms. But before you do, you decide to open instagram. Bad idea. There were multiple hate comments on your post about how you looked in a bathing suit. You weren't the biggest person in the world, but you also weren't the skinniest. You've never been skinny, and you were often judged for that rather than your cheerful personality. So, like most bigger kids, you were bullied when you were younger, causing you to have low self confidence and self esteem.

Eventually, you grow to love your body, and it only gets better when you start to date Emily. She thought you were the most gorgeous person in the world, and she made sure you knew that.

Of course, it wasn't always smooth, and you had your days. Like now.

The post was from a month ago, when Emily surprised you with a trip to Mexico. Normally, they wouldn't affect you, but after the day you had, the words displayed on your screen found cracks in your armor and buried itself there, finding its way under your skin and into your heart.

You sigh heavily, blinking back tears as you get out of the car and locking it behind you. You take a deep breath as you unlock the door to your shared apartment with Emily.

You hear her yelling from the bedroom as you place your keys on the counter. You make your way into the room and see she's on the game with a couple of her teammates. “Hi, baby.” She mumbles, glancing at you before she draws her attention to the screen.

You don't say anything back, just grab your clothes and go to the bathroom to change. This sets alarms off in Emily's head, but unfortunately, the game she's playing has already put her emotions on ten and her patience on zero.

“What the fuck?” You hear her mumble. You roll your eyes, before changing and walking back out into the room. She's not on the game anymore, instead, she's sat on the end of the bed, with her arms crossed. You close your eyes and sigh when you see her, you truly don't have the patience.

“What the fuck is your problem? You came home pissed, and didn't even say hi to me.” She squinted her eyes at you.

You don't say anything, and just sit down next to her, hoping she'd relax at the sight of your need for comfort. She doesn't.

“I'm sorry. I’m not feeling the best, I was on Instagram and there were comments an-” Emily cuts you off with a laugh as she stands up.

“Are you serious? I told you to stay out of the comment sections. You're asking for it at this point.” She scoffs.

The statement takes you by surprise. Your normally gentle girlfriend was standing in front of you, her anger directed at you. “I'm ‘asking for it’?”

Then it clicks for Emily, as her eyes soften and she tries to take her statement back. “That's not what I me-”

Now it's your turn to cut her off. “Bullshit, you meant it. I didn't ask for any of this. I didn't ask to look like this, and I didn't ask to be treated like this either.” You stand up, a move towards the door, tears streaming down your face. You stop before you close the door and lock eyes with Emily.

Her eyes are guilty, looking down at her feet. “I'm sleeping on the couch.” You sigh. She looks up like she wants to say something, but closes her mouth instead.

“I love you.” She whispers. “I love you too.” You respond before going into the living room.

You stir in your sleep, feeling yourself being lifted from the couch. You open your eyes and look up to see Emily carrying you bridal style back to your room. “Shh, go back to sleep, ma.” She whispers, kissing your head.

You groan as she gently puts you down on your side of the bed. She mimics your actions, laying down next to you, wrapping her arms around you, so you're facing her. Sleep has left you now, and you're both just staring at each other.

“What're you doing?” You whisper. Emily's heart breaks as she takes in your features. Your eyes are red and puffy, and your hair is disheveled from the amount of times you ran your hand through it.

“Couldn't sleep.” She mumbled, pulling you closer. You melt into her arms, finally getting the embrace you needed earlier.

“I'm so sorry, baby. What I said was fucked up. I was still hype from the game, and I shouldn't have spoken to you like that.” She places an apologetic kiss on your lips, so light it was almost ghostlike.

“ ‘s okay.” You mutter.

“No it's not. I'll do better, I promise. It'll never happen again.” She said, forcing your eyes on hers. The words you read earlier flash through your mind, and your breathing hitches as you close your eyes, attempting to stop the tears, but it's no use.

She sighs as she watches you break down, and she can't help but feel like she caused some of it. She pulls you closer, her tattooed hand rubbing circles up and down your back.

“They're wrong. You are the most beautiful woman in the entire world, and I'm not gonna stop telling you, not until you believe it. And even then, I'll continue to tell you. Because it's true. Those motherfuckers don't know you. Not like I do, and they never will. “

She pauses to wipe your tears, kissing your cheeks gently. “I love you so much, and no matter what they say, I always will. D’you understand?” her eyes locked with yours, waiting for your response.

You sniffle, nodding slowly. Emily shakes her head. “Words, baby.” She whispers.

You feel your cheeks heat up, and by the way Emily tries to bite back a smirk, you know she did it on purpose. “I understand. I love you too.”

With that she pulls you into a passionate kiss, lips interlocking as she takes your insecurities away, replacing them with butterflies.

______________________________

taglist: @wintersstan @bueckerslover @lilia22hicks @fake-intelligences @girlokwhatever @pbloverr @breeloveschris

[richardsphere]

the Evilustrhater Kwagatama scene is just fractally bad.

The Evilustrhater Kwagatama scene just... sucks. It breaks down on any level of thought. 1-Only Kwami should be giving out kwagatama. (cause its literally the only bit of agency the little slave-gods have). Mari spends this "giving up her Guardian-authority" scene usurping Tikki's authority. (It doesnt matter if we're meant to "reasonably assume" Tikki gave permision for this. It still should've been Tikki handing it over.) 2-It further unbalances the team dynamics, by putting Rena into a position of at least nominal authority to, at some point in the future, take away Chat's ring, should she decide to do so. Ladybug continues to make decisions that effect the entire team, without consulting any members of her team. (Even Rena wasnt consulted on this decision, and has it foisted on her instead. But then, this might be deliberate if we're getting Ladynoir Conflict/Miraculous Civil War)

3-It erodes Alya's relationship with Trixx. At least on a symbolical level. By giving her a Bug kwagatama, before ever giving her a fox one, thus implying symbolically that her relationship with Tikki is better then her relationship with Trixx. 4-simultaniously it erodes the symbolism of the Kwagatama as trust between Kwami and Hero. Mari needed to be a hero for months living with Tiki side-by-side fighting evil on the daily before Tikki gave her a kwagatama. Adrien only got his in Reunion, thats a season 5 episode. Adrien had to die multiple times, faced multiple apocalyptic threats and prevented World War Three before he got a Kwagatama. (put a pin in that one btw, its going to be relevant later). Alya has only used the Ladybug Miraculous once, and that was seemingly enough. 5-It obviously undermines Fu's sacrifice. Setting up a "just own the magic friendship-necklace and you'll get your memories back" reveal immensely undercuts the weight of Fu's amnesia. To be clear, I was always expecting that they'd find some clever loophole to protect Marinette from said amnesia. But having it be a magic necklace that she's had since Season 2? Saying "the problem was solved before it was even introduced" doesn't so much reduce the threat, as it removes the threat entirely. I was at least expecting her to have to train with the Order or something, finish the training Fu never got to learn how to protect herself in advance, maybe a potion from the Book Fu never deciphered in time? or have someone else on the team figure out how to restore her memories after the fact. (IE: Felix could definitly make a "memory-restoring" senti, Maybe a cameo from Liirii "liberating" her from the chains on her memories.) But saying "Oh, you just needed your Kwami to trust you and you wont ever get Fu-ed" is just... shitty. 6- It casually implies that Fu went through not one, but two World Wars as the Turtle wielder, but never managed to earn Wayz' trust. after all, if he did he'd have a Turtle Kwagatama, and the show would've been much different. --Edit cause i somehow forgot 7- Do we really need a third back-up guardian. We already had the guy from Ephemeral, and Luka went to the order to train for that very same position.

[gatitties]

Hey hope you having a good day, I was requesting for one piece one shot. So can we do that child reader doesn't act like their age instead they act like a grownup and are VERY mature. Causing them to be like an entire grownup and having worries and feels the need to fix a promblems on their own like a groen up. If its alright can we do the (SH) , (WP), (HP) that try to help child reader feel more like a chuld so reader dosent overthink over things that are not for their age. Thank you. Love your books ♡

─Strawhats, Whitebeard Pirates & Heart Pirates x child!reader (Platonic)

─Summary: The crew takes you on a surprise trip with the intention that you enjoy and behave like someone appropriate to your age.

─Warnings: none

Everyone noticed your strange behavior from the beginning, at least, strange for a child of your age, when normally children were carefree, naive or whiny, you never stopped worrying about things that you definitely shouldn't worry about.

Expenses, proper nutrition, daily exercise to keep fit, you had a notebook where you had a rigorous table for each month, an organization that prevented the anxiety of not knowing what to do or how to act from bothering you, you didn't need 'unnecessary' or 'wasted' time in your life.

What completely confused Luffy was why didn't you want to play with him and Ussop? Normally children are a bunch of inexhaustible and elastic energy, but you prefer to do some problems to train your mind, which is fine in a way, but you didn't even like stuffing yourself with candy with Chopper, you were a child for god's sake! Your arms and legs were small, you still struggled with psychomotor and coordination problems in some situations, but you behaved like someone divorced and with debts piling up non-stop.

Of course, Robin and Sanji noticed that all that maturity disappeared from time to time, in your most vulnerable moments, when mental fatigue takes its toll on the deepest part of you, that's when you let out your true behavior, the one you should have at such a young age.

"Aren't we deviating from the established route?"

"Don't worry about it, we just took a detour, we need to buy somethings before the island we were originally going to."

Nami frowned at the exaggeration in your voice, always so exasperated at the slightest change, thinking it would cause some trouble, of course you were worried because you hadn't noticed that the supplies were running out, but luckily Zoro was able to keep you distracted enough for you to notice that they didn't really need to go shopping.

Your expression was completely indecipherable when Franky put you on his shoulder, pointing at the strange city that was on that island, something similar to the roller coasters and attractions of Sabaody, but on a smaller scale, that they came across this island was luck, Brook read about it in the newspaper and they all agreed that a break wouldn't hurt anyone.

"Are you sure we can take a break? The log pose will get deconfigured if we take too long."

Jinbe patted your head, pointing at one of the milder attractions, silently asking if they should go there or to other intensities.

"We have everything under control, where do you want to ride first?"

"I don't know, I've never been in an amusement park"

You rested your chin against Franky's head, a little embarrassed at not knowing what to do, the fish man smiled softly at you and decided to guide you all to the more childish area, everyone divided and joined together depending on each one's tastes, although at first you felt insecure, you began to enjoy and appreciate the time off, letting your mind go unconcerned about things that were beyond your reach, bringing out your most capricious and childish side, you allowed yourself to be a child during the day. The crew still had to fight your worries, but they were relieved to see that your childish mind was still there.

They're worried, very worried, Marco was the first to notice how you seemed to lose hair for every little problem that happened on the Moby Dick, was there a shortage of food? You were making a shopping list, did the cannons have a malfunction? You'll read books about them so that the defenses don't go down, was there a mess after a party? You got up early to leave everything spotless.

You didn't even bother to run around the deck with Ace, he adored you and used to drag you around to play little pranks on the crew, but you always left him hanging, excusing yourself by saying that they were absurd things and that there were problems to deal with. So everyone has a meeting to talk about why you act like a grumpy old person and not a carefree child, Izo really thinks he'll see wrinkles on your face when you reach adolescence.

"We have to keep the child from thinking about that kind of thing, the other day asked me if I had done the inventory of the medicines."

"My god… the other day the kiddo asked me if could start shooting."

"Mmmh, the child asked me if could start hand-to-hand defense training too."

"Kiddo was worried because the portions didn't have enough vitamins that an adult needs to ingest."

Whitebeard listened in silence, his face darkened as he continued to listen to the others' conversation, he needed to end this, you're not at the age to occupy your mind with that kind of worries, you should worry about getting enough sleep, having fun, getting into mischief, being a little fussy or whiny… it caused him deep pain to see you like that.

"The discussion is over, let's make the child behave like a child."

Everyone listened to their captain's strict orders, his absolute word spreading throughout all of his subordinates immediately, leaving you confused when you were prevented from doing anything the next day, unable to enter the kitchen, Marco's office, or the small armory, you had no time to get angry at the fact that they were delaying your work because Ace dragged you into mischief. It wasn't what you had planned to do today, but since you had no other options, you preferred to keep your mind occupied than to think about why your captain wouldn't let you do what you usually did.

With your thoughts much less occupied, the simplicity of spending a good time with the people who love you made you show a facet much more in line with your age, you laughed carefree at how Marco tripped over a bucket that Ace left lying around, you escaped from Thatch after throwing flour on his face, Izou caught you trying to steal his makeup… your mischievous attitude gave years of joy to the crew, your laughter sounded throughout the ship like a melody, something you usually didn't do.

"This is much better, I hope you can take things more calmly, you will have time to grow up."

Whitebeard directed his words towards you, although you were completely asleep on his lap, he smiled tenderly, caressing your head, he didn't want you to worry about adult things again, you don't need to grow up so fast, you have to give him time to cry when you are a full-grown adult, but you need to enjoy your childhood first.

Law appreciates you, he really does, he loves that you understand that everything has to be clean, disinfected, organized... it's okay that you want to have a healthy routine and he doesn't prohibit you from taking care of yourself, but my god, you have the behavior of an impulsive parent who has twenty children and doesn't have time to take care of them all.

Ikkaku takes care of the food, Bepo takes care of the navigation, Law is a doctor, Shachi and Penguin… well, they are there, but you don't need to occupy all those positions when you think something is going to cause problems. Law understands that you may be a little ─too much sometimes─ more mature than most children your age, he himself had to face childhood in a hard way, but you didn't have to go through that, everyone was there to take care of you, pamper you, you can have a totally normal childhood without worries, however you decide to make all the problems yours.

"You have to stop, I've already told you that you don't need to worry about those things, I'm the captain."

"But-"

It only took one look from your captain to stop you from ranting, he confronted you directly because he knew you would understand what he meant, but you got to the point of worrying about things that he didn't even care about, you need to relax or your heart would stop. No one has died from a little disorganization, some junk food or not washing their hands after eating with nothing but a napkin. But it was too hard to put all those thoughts aside, the crew made sure not to let you think about it too much, but with each passing day it seemed like you were blowing more and more smoke out of your ears like a locomotive at full speed, you could stop doing things but not overthinking them.

He had to pull you out of the Polar Tang, the idea was from the idiot duo, but it was what he needed right now, a stupid and fun idea, ─although Law didn't find it too funny─ he stopped at the first snowy island he found and let the chaos begin on its own.

"This is war, eat snow!"

It only took one of Penguin's snowballs to hit you to activate a switch in you, you don't know if it was out of frustration or because you were having a good time, but you started throwing snow left and right, Ikkaku, Bepo, Law, Jean Bart… they were all fired without discrimination, you didn't stop to think about how the snow got under your clothes or that you'll catch a cold after this, you enjoyed the moment without your mind plagued by unnecessary problems.

"That's our child! ack-"

The crew smiled upon hearing your malicious grin at having hit Shachi, who was celebrating that you had hit his friend, unleashing your most childish and hyperactive side, however he also suffered the consequences of your change of mentality, they still had a long way to go before you stopped behaving like a complete adult, but you let those more childish hues that you hid from yourself show.