#and its also related to my issues re: sexuality

[randompolykin]

Intro Post

Welcome To The Storm.

i have been procrastinating making one of these for a while now so here you go.

I don't know how people can post their names on here, or their ages. Like what :0 I could not do that. (So if you need to refer to me, you can do so by my username) I do feel comfortable telling you this stuff:

The labels I use to identify my gender identity are genderfluid, nonbinary, transgender, genderflux, xenogender, fluidflux, and specifically genderspirit. At least that's the basics.

When it comes to sexuality/romantic attraction I consider myself frayromantic and neptunic, I am also aceflux.

abit more on my sexuality can be found in this post

I might reblog centaurworld, smg4, the amazing digital circus, wings of fire, or good omens related posts or other fandom stuff sometimes too.

i am a polymorph

link to post with my complete (well not complete, but a bigger list) list of kintypes, hearttypes and kinsiderings

some of my kintypes and hearttypes in little detail:

kins: black cat, dragon, sprollie dog, attack helicopter (not jk/ i am gen) cabincore, emoticons (or the concept of) cryptidkin, stormkin (its kinda complecated tho)

hearts: fall, halloween, sloths, crows,

Now onto other things you should know about me and some silly not as important but also interesting ones:

my spelling isn't the best, sorry, i dont have auto correct.

I am afraid of being wrong (mainly because I'm worried I am somehow hurting people by it)

I have trust/opening up issues

I struggle with imposter syndrome

I probably have undiagnosed anxiety of some kind but have yet to do research on it

I probably have long term depression. it's better than it once was, put its still there.

I have associative synesthesia and the types I care to name are olp, grapheme-color and chromesthesia but I know of more things that are probably types with their own names that I have.

I'm a vegetarian (it's funny because a bunch of my kintypes are carnivores or really like eating meat)

I'm a furry and have this going on where I'm turning my animal kin and heartypes into furry OCs and fursonas but I haven't gotten far in it. I'm also questioning being my protogen oc

I'm a median system. im trying to tallk about it more, but its kinda scary as im new to it...

Uh I might post random art doodles idk tho.

Besides that mostly I'll post and reblog alterhuman stuff (mainly otherkin probably)

Also please ask me stuff!!! Curious on how I experience being an aesthetic? Want to learn more about my angel kintype? Etc, please ask!

Profile pic is my kintype, the nowhere king, with the genderfluid, frayromantic, and loveless aro flags. And my banner is light doodles of some of my kintypes

When it comes to a tagging system I am trying to make one but it is barly in existance rn but i used more of these a bit back. but the reblog tag (altho I might forget to tag a reblog as reblog sorry if I do)

Also all posts with swearing in them will be tagged with #tw swearing

I don't usually swear myself but I will reblog stuff that has swears in them

#reblog (these are simply reblogs. Can be of anything. These will not have me adding my thoughts in tags or replies)

#my reply (reblogs with my reply/my thoughts on it/ad ons, also might be tagged with #my ad ones (if it's adding on to what the poster is saying specific vs a reply of anykind))

#my reply tags(or my tag replies) (same thing but in the tags specifically. Add on version is #my tag ad ons)

#not ah related (not alterhuman related, includes reblogs)

#not ok related (not otherkin related, alterhuman related posts that are not otherkin related are included here)

#i am a mess of kinsidering (a ranty vent post about my lastest kintype to question or re-question or be confused over want to classify an identity as beyond otherkin, etc)

#silly post time (silly posts, not reblogs. This would be me making a post that says "nom nom nom garbage" and # it with therian and otherkin tags. Can be ah, ok, and not related.) (if not ah or ok related I will put those tags in)

#silly reblogs (me rebloging these types of posts)

#serious post (speaking up about an issue or trying to spread the word about something important etc)

#serious reblog (same as ⬆️ but a reblog)

#positivity spreading reblog (rebloging a positivity spreading post. can include #my ad ones posts)

#positivity spreading post (a positivity spreading post originally made by me)

#term coining reblog (coined terms not by me but that I have rebloged)

#oh me terms yas (term coining posts by others that have a term I want to use/represent me)

#flag coining reblog

#save (posts I want saved for any reason.)

#saving this to show my friend in case their ah (I'm pretty sure one of my friends I alterhuman but I'm not sure so I'll show them certain posts and see if they relate)

#storm talk (talking about being (apart of) a storm

#little grey cloud rambles (rambles as a little grey cloud)

#more about me

That's all I can think of for now, i update this from time to time tho.

[aroacesafeplaceforall]

hi!!

i'm currently re-reading loveless by alice osman and i'm kinda scared by how relatable i've been finding it. i like to highlight phrases i liked or things i could relate to and i swer my paperback is basically fully yellow with how much i've been highlighting.

i never really questioned my sexuality but this book is making me rethink myself so much. but i'm also kind of...struggling with it? because i really like romance and all things romantic, i've been craving for a good relationship my whole life but at the same time i like...never had a cruch on no one ever? and the only person i had a relationship with it was a total sh*t show because i lost interest after like two months? and if i try to picture myself in the future i don't really see me with someone

for the longest time i've thought that this was just a self esteem issue - i don't like myself very much so it's reasonable for other people non to like me or see me romantically as well, you know? and i don't want to get my heart broken so i don't really show interest in anyone because i doubt they could be interested in me in return.

anyway, all of this to say that i'm going through this sort of sexuality crisis were one second i'm like "ok this makes so much sense i'm def somewhere in the aroace spec" and the next second i'm like "but i really want a relationship am i a freud??"

...any tips or comforting words?

Hey OP. Yeah it’s tough, but you’ll be okay no matter what you figure out about yourself. Remover your ID is not a choice, but your actions are. You may still choose to date even if you find you can experience no romantic attraction towards your partner (I would strongly advise informing them of this fact)

Your ID is your own. Your box, if you will. You don’t have to neatly fit into the “aromantic box” nor any of its umbrella terms.

Don’t rush, research, live yourself first, take care and remember, romance isn’t the end all be all. Other love is plenty in a world of many <2

[sabaramonds]

long time no post CW for discussions of suicide & homophobia ahead as well as mentions of yunos sex work so in my periphery i see a lot of people saying 1. kazui hates yuno and 2. part of the reason why they seem themselves in one another is because kazui represses his sexuality while yuno is open about hers neither of these are true

you can dislike someone without hating them by virtue of being discomforted by the fact they are similar to you (self recognition through the eyes of the other (derogatory)) and. as for yuno being 'open' about her sexuality. well...i would say shes in tune with her own, but she isnt 'open' about it? unless es makes the details of each trial public among the prisoners (excluding the final judgement, of course) or she told people herself, nobody would know she does sex work. and i dont think shes told people, because why would she? what yuno and kazui recognize in each other isnt necessarily related to sexuality at all, but the masks they both wear and cant take off. neither of them can fully shed the facade they hide behind because to do so would result in a social death. they would, for different yet similar reasons, be stigmatized by their families and society at large. yeah, yuno says she comes from a supportive household (and this could be a lie. she could be lying.) but would that be true if her family found out she does sex work for whatever reason? not likely. and kazui has already said his family 'must find [me] embarrassing' upon being asked if theyre proud of him. if they discovered the truth of his sexuality in the aftermath of his wifes death (suicide?) then that would make sense, though if hinako killed herself then it could be theyre unaware of that truth and are ashamed of him for other reasons im a bit unsure about the current political climate re: suicide in japan (im saying this and you guys do not want to see the tabs i have open rn LOL) and how its viewed by the older generation in particular, but its generally tolerated, shamed, or honorable depending on the context. mental health issues are often ignored, particularly by older generations; to commit suicide to right an apparent wrong or repent (one form of which you all might be familiar with is seppuku) is looked at as a moral responsibility in some cases. so um. basically part of what im saying is that if hinako killed herself to escape the social fallout of not only potential divorce but also from having had a gay husband, she would be looked at with pity and empathy while kazui would be, of course, derided and considered a social pariah - if that is what happened and if it came to light. and, well, what do people think would happen if yuno, 18 years old, not even culturally an adult (until 2022, just last year, 20 was not only the traditional age of being considered an adult in japan but also legally - it was only last year that they made it legal to vote and sign up for loans and their own credit stuff without their parents backing them) and shes doing sex work. if it became public knowledge, her family would be devastated. she could get disowned, she could lose her social standing among friends, among other probable issues that could arise so what kazui and yuno see in one another isnt really related to sexuality at all. yuno looks at kazui and sees a man who has spent his whole lifetime hiding himself from not only the world but from his own self and she doesnt want that for herself; kazui looks at her and sees a girl who is hiding her honest self from everyone and in that he sees himself, which isnt helped by the fact she has subtly implied shes well aware of what it is he hides from the world like recognizes like etc. anyway thats all. double in is in like 2 weeks and i wont survive it

[onewomancitadel]

I haven't seen this thesis advanced anywhere yet and it's only mildly related to my blog of complaining about shit I don't like, but let's go ahead anyway: though I agree a very salient and motivating factor for strange types of censored speech online is in part because of the restrictions based on "acceptable" speech (I put airquotes around it because advertiser-motivated decisions don't necessarily reflect social taboos, but may create them), I also suspect that this is replicating outside of those platforms and even to IRL speech to some capacity because of the shifting boundaries of taboo.

I don't think it's an accident that to some capacity swear words have become more naturalised and politeness conventions have begun to break down as other taboo tensions have begun to arise to replace them. Taboo doesn't exist just to oppress; unacceptable speech or behaviour that isn't actually meaningfully dangerous can be exciting, serve for emphatic purpose, the point of the transgression itself is one that marks subculture and "coolness" in respect to generally condoned behaviours. Politeness marks how you behave around people you don't know very well most generally; taboo marks how you shouldn't behave around them; taboo, then, can mark intimacy.

This encompasses social conventions I am sure a sociologist could do a better job explaining, but I am mostly trying to summarise here for the sake of the fact that the general belief online is that politeness marks falsehood, taboo marks honesty, and there should be no taboo placed on that which is marked as taboo. Tumblr just had a muck-up about whether sexual behaviour is appropriate in public or not and that it is oppressive and wrong to believe that it is inappropriate, despite the fact that the pleasure of public sex (in a car, or ostensibly pseudoprivate place where you may or will be caught) is largely derived from the fact it is a taboo behaviour (and excepting the ignorance of the fact that what homeless people struggle with the most living on the street is sexual abuse, and trivialising such an issue for a made-up Internet zero sum game is actually insane and the reason I hate everyone).

My thesis really is that taboo is necessary - it is a motivating subconconscious and conscious process, culturally, socially, interpersonally - and when taboo is removed over here, it re-emerges over there. In some cases I think it can be problematic (e.g. taboo around body health and functions leads to avoidance of medical care) but it is not the shame or mark of taboo in and of itself that is socially bad. By the same stroke the mark of politeness is not falsehood (very weird conception of falsehood on here); you need some sort of framework for navigating people you don't know, or situations you're not familiar with, and showing respect and care for another individual in a mutually-agreed upon way - think of it like a mutually intelligible language. It's a little weird to see many people so emphatically against the concept of social shaming and taboo get up in arms about people playing music in public on public transport.

So what this means is that when you have these collapsing boundaries, something rushes in to fill it. I suspect that the taboo on advertiser-unfriendly and platform-unfriendly words - rape, death, kill, breasts, boobs, drugs, self-harm, anorexic, suicide, murder, paedophile, kidnap, to name a few - is probably also related to an invocation taboo, that is, if you name something, you mark or summon its presence, or make a bad or transgressive thing happen. This is literal in the sense that to name it will get you "banned" and thus effectively silenced by this speech act - in whatever form that takes, including "shadowbans", so potentially unreal, or magically warded, ways of being supressed - but it is also conceptual in the sense that to name something (rape, murder, kidnapping) is to make it real, a thing that happens in society, that it might even be a law of attraction. If political anxiety animates the online culture, I don't think that politically charged and serious words naming sexual violence, mental illness, and even murder, becoming censored is an accident.

It's acceptable to refer to breasts as "milkers", as "big naturals". If you object to this language, you are trying to oppress somebody for their natural speech. By the same stroke, neutral words which describe marked events in society are slowly becoming taboo: k*ll, m*rder, r*pe, p*rn, or sometimes supplanted with rhymes (grape, PDF file, corn - that is, rape, paedophile, porn). I think they're connected. So why is essentialising and objectifying speech not taboo, but words necessary to describe very particular social phenomenon - or indeed neutral body parts - taboo? The vulgar is the unmarked, the neuter is the marked.

I do really think this is the perfect storm and opportunity to demonstrate that when your issue is the nature of taboo at all - that everything should be free, that there should be no social shame, and there should be no conception of transgression - then you don't understand human behaviour or what the value of taboo actually is, or how inevitable it is. Something else finds its way in; it just so happens that what you might have marked as neutral is now taboo. You can really see the beginning of this phenomenon with the advent of converts to Catholicism and Orthodox Christianity in the wake of trendy atheism, or even, to some capacity, "trad" revisionist antifeminism. It's in a large part motivated by counterculturalism, that separately, I suspect is evolving at an accelerated place between the division of the offline/online worlds.

My real quibble, the bit that annoys me, is that taboo can also be sexy. To revisit the public sex part, yes, it's not right to expose others to your sex acts; I think that is fairly agreeable. But it's not the end of the world either, and probably not demonstrably traumatising - you'd have a disgust reaction, but not necessarily want to punch them, say, if you came across them in a carpark - in the sense that it would be a really strictly morally transgressive act (Tumblr seems to have no room for this complexity). If you did it in the bush, you might be dismissed as a pair of randy strangers; if you did it on a bus, people would be quite upset and probably assume you're on meth (sorry to drug users, I guess, but such extreme behaviour would and has been reasoned this way - the most reasonable explanation is not that they're inherently antisocial but in an altered state as to lose reason, which is actually quite generous). But really, the whole point that it would be exciting or even preferable to do it outside in a likely uncomfortable spot is in part because of all these socially transgressive reasons it would be unacceptable, and anybody arguing otherwise is laughably ignorant as to speak authoritatively or actively disingenuous at best, and at worst actually wants to open up opportunities for forcible exposure, in which case they're dangerous and can't be reasoned with.

Of course, the thing is, if it became normal to have public sex, if it were completely naturalised - weirdos who want to have private sex would be all the countercultural rage. Thinkpieces would be written on the silence and the eyecontact of a private bedroom, without audience. It's pretty foolish to ignore the inevitable fact that counterculture is necessary for culture to evolve and survive and iterate.

Where I think it is necessary to challenge taboo is when it is not actually positively helpful. But it's also a socially regulating force - which in itself is viewed as bad, for pseudopunkish and hypocritical reasons - and the reason I want to push back on the increasing taboo of natural, necessary language is because it actually leaves you ill-equipped to discuss topics of social and political and lived importance, and because what I think is very dangerous is this invocation of an idea - to name rape is to invite it, to name rape is to place it in a real context, to name a violent reality is to create a violent reality. Bad. Very bad. But clearly related to political anxieties - extreme concern over speech, speech acts as powerful naming acts (which they can be, and is slightly beyond the purview of this post, but does relate).

It's only the beginning of a thesis but I really don't think the relation is accidental. I could see this affecting the offline world more in the next few years, at most five to ten years, but I've been long wondering, with the ease of current politeness rituals and polite speech, what would replace it. I seem to have found my answer.

[a-slut-for-smut]

Nanamin deserves better than Mei Mei

Don’t forget how creepy she is towards Ui Ui

Ya know, I really wish people were more willing to think critically about the stories they consume vs taking every at face value. Sure, when you see something questionable in a story, question it, but immediately writing off the story/story element as “problematic” just because you don't like it or triggers you is such a disservice not only to the storyteller but also yourself by stunting your own media literacy skills.

As ive addressed why NanaMei pair well in previous asks, i'll focus more on the controversy revolving around Mei Mei because its something i really want to get off my chest. The more i think about the arguments made against her the more i get these puritanical and anti feminist/non-conformist vibes from them and its really concerning to say the least.

She's Greedy/Selfish

Yes, shes money hungry. She shamelessly honest with what she likes and what she wants; she has a personal code/credo and stanchly follows it and its hard not to respect that energy. She's motivated and grounded in a way that seems out of place in the 'sorcerers must protect humans' fantasy world, but in the real world? Of course we'd look out for our own self-interest/preservation- shes as real and relatable as they come. She's logically driven (vs emotionally) and honestly if she was a man i bet the fandom wouldn't blink an eye (and prob would slobber all over him) but as always God forbid women have a strong sense of self and refuse to conform to the patriarchal ideals of what a woman should be.

THAT panel

A lot of the fandom screaming in*cest & p*edophile for this panel and i'll admit not surprised it raised eyebrows but not really reading this as sexual. Yes theres nudity, but body language makes it pretty obvious if nudity is sexual or not and well, its not- and how the first thing fandom thinks is "omg they f*cked" because shes topless or whatever is very telling. It's not a stretch to think she would be comfortable with nudity and a sense of propriety seems out of character with someone as shameless as her. She probably splurges on 1000 thread-count Egyptian cotton sheets with all the money she makes, who wouldnt regularly sleep nude on those?

As for UiUi its inferred he used his CT to escape/save their lives directly before, all the more reason he would be tired. Mei Mei even apologies for waking him, implying his CT exerts him and he should rest for the day. Ui UI’s “oh my how shameless!” is said in surprise, indicating he probably blacked out after his CT and woke up fully clothed in bed with her, NOT that he’s tired from having a wild night banging his sister 🙄

I wonder about the japanese dialogue and if there is any nuance/context lost from the english translation, but I interpreted her "Do you not like me that way" was in reference to the shamelessness of her personality, essentially asking him "do you not like me the way I am?" and not her nude body because the translation used "that way" vs "this way", the latter being suggestive. And the fact that they shared a bed to sleep didnt seem OOC given their close familial dynamic.

Sibling Relationship

Its established in-universe that they are "calculating", so naturally they work very much in tandem as far as motivations go and re-enforced from what we seen in their battle tactics. Clearly Mei Mei is offense and 99% of the time can handle any issue on her own, but for that 1% she cant? Thats where Ui Ui steps in.

Ui Ui would never be in danger if Mei Mei is around, and fandom seems to ignore this fact when they say Mei Mei manipulates him to self-sacrifice himself (and her crows) for her benefit. If Mei Mei is fighting and her life's at risk, yall think Ui Ui (or the crows for that matter) stand a chance?? Maybe if he could teleport away himself which is what his CT suggests, but who really knows, and more importantly would he even consider abandoning his sister from what we seen?

I see it as a failsafe CT, only to be used in emergencies since it drains him considerably as Malaysia scene suggests- which is why he wholeheartedly waits (and binding vow) for permission from her to use it, not as a form of control or abuse or simply to please her, but to know if/when as accordance to the battle strategy mapped out by her. Shes shown as a tactician/extremely logical when it comes to battle and will use whatever is at her disposal to win if it means self-preservation (even if it means abandoning the battlefield altogether). Her loyalty is to herself above all.

And her asking “are you willing to die for me” is literally asking consent- she is asking, 'this could be the end- will you do what’s necessary for me to win this?' To which he resoundingly concurs, seemingly out of devotion but realistically if she dies where would that leave him? It’s as natural a response as one could be- in nature mothers will fight tooth & nail to protect their offspring, but at the cost of her life? What would be the point??? Offspring wouldn’t be able to survive without her, they��d be good as dead.

As far as their dynamic, there is clear affection from both sides- Mei Mei is more playful while Ui Ui is reverent. Ui Ui adores her, not atypical of a much younger sibling, but especially so given how accomplished Mei Mei is. It's stated that she inherited their weak family cursed technique, but rather than be solely defined by it, she trained herself to the maximum physical limit, THEN mastered her so called "weak" technique into one of the strongest out there (probably why she acknowledges Maki as a promising sorcerer, she sees herself in her).

If that isn't admirable than i dont know what is, and if GOJO of all people respects her, then thats saying something. But while he respects her and acknowledges her strength, does he trust her? Probably not, not like he does with Utahime who is supposedly "weak" in comparison. And i personally like that dynamic- despite not trusting her to "do the right thing" and expecting her to be self-serving, Gojo knows/respects her as a person and fellow sorcerer. Gege gives us layered interpersonal relationships between multi-faceted characters and yet so many are quick to reduce them to a single trope and its a little sad honestly.

In conclusion, yall need to relax on the pearl-clutching and have a little more perspective by all means hate on her if you dont like her but at least hate her accurately lol

[fierceawakening]

So this is going around:

And I don't want to derail or belittle the excitement of the people sharing this as a wonderful thing. I agree that it is.

However, I am making my own post to note this:

Queerness is a fraught subject in modern Orthodoxy, whose adherents generally abide by halacha — Jewish law — and engage fully with secular society, unlike Haredi Jews who tend to live in insular communities. A pair of verses in Leviticus explicitly prohibiting male gay sex provide Biblical pretext for excluding queer people, and Yeshiva University — Rabbi Brick’s alma mater — has made national headlines over the past two years for refusing to recognize its LGBTQ+ student club. A gay Orthodox man who was ousted from his Florida shul early this year took to picketing outside it. The clinical director of an advocacy group called Jewish Queer Youth says that among the 2,000 young people from Orthodox families it has served since 2016, some 70% have considered suicide. One, a YU graduate like Brick, died by suicide this summer, just before the Shabbat when the portion of Leviticus with the prohibition against gay male sex would be read.

and

He is also single, and declined to say whether he plans to date — or whether he thinks people can pursue same-sex relationships within the bounds of halacha. That silence may be helping him win — for now — tolerance among his colleagues. After all, a 2022 white paper on welcoming queer Orthodox Jews begins its second paragraph, “Our starting point as Orthodox Jews is clear: Sexual relations between people of the same sex is forbidden.” But Brick much prefers to talk — and teach — about other things. He has developed a series of lesson plans that consider halachic issues for queer Jews, and is teaching them to his high school students. And they have nothing to do with sex. “What’s missing in the world is not another person trying to re-understand this verse in Leviticus,” Brick said. “That’s a closed book. We know what it means, we know what it stands for. But talking about queer experiences is not as two-dimensional as talking about the permissibility or non-permissibility of very specific sex acts. There is a lot more to a person — a lot more to these questions — that is worth exploring.”

I do not ever want to hear "It's just Christians" ever again.

I have seen the Tumblr posts that just say "oh, you're a little unclean after gay sex, it's no big." I am glad to see them, but that isn't what this looks like it says at all.

So while I'm sure I will see "only Christians are Like That, because Christianity is uniquely authoritarian" again...

...this is me officially putting "maybe don't" in writing, so I can point people at it when they do this thing again.

[davekat-sucks]

I get that it's mostly used as funny insults, but tbh it still annoys me tbh.

Re-reading HS the trolls feel poorly thought out as a species in general, specially at the start here they reference several human concept that are just weird for them to know about, for example there's a joke where Sollux talks about sex offenders and neighborhoods, even uses the word house instead of Hive, which is honestly kind of an odd analogy to make, you would think Trolls don't really have the whole sex offender registry concept and they would just... Kill them outright since that's how crime cases seem to go there.

With forethought it feels really weird for that to be an analogy unless you think of Trolls and Alternia as just Grey earth, in my opinion.

It just kinda gets worst went he fandom flanderizes this issue and just makes it obvious that they just do not care about keeping the Trolls as alien to most silly human contexts.

Also in reference to the Autism and the mental disorder related slurs, I have an easier time believing Trolls know about mental illness and disorders than they would care much about LGBT concepts or words like Faggot or Gay, since they don't have a concept of sexuality to begin with, but we haven't really heard anything about how mental illness is treated, personally it'd be interesting to see how Alternia deals with it, as an advanced yet barbaric society, my interpretation of it would be that they are aware of those issues and have ways of treating them but they're also seen as signs of weakness, as any flawed seems to be perceived in Troll society, and thus they're openly mocked and its rare to see it taken seriously.

As well as the fact the trolls are made from an INCESTUOUS SLURRY, so technically, even if a label like lesbian is applied to someone like Vriska and people ship her with Terezi, it doesn't change the fact that she is technically fucking with her actual sister. Regardless of the caste name and blood color being different. Same for people who ship Eridan with Sollux, it's still incest in some way. Them explaining how they shouldn't know what certain slurs mean deeper probably was meant to be taken as a joke. But having to explain said joke doesn't make it a joke anymore and is only there to make a wink at the audience and acknowledge how certain words aren't appropriate in today's time, which they think is a joke, but in reality, it's not a joke. Not even a funny one. I want the trolls to stay as aliens. They are their own race and people with different fucked up beliefs. I'm shocked it's not even more applied to Earth C or other fanworks. But then again, considering Alternia's version of Christmas is literally decorating ANIMAL SHIT, it's no surprise people want to tear down some of the alien customs and push human ones instead. It's not racism though troost me. It's just telling people that certain things they have learned on their home planet in history is bad and we need to force them to change it to other people's standards for the safety of themselves and others, mostly to Western standards.

[zhouszishu]

the sisters drama anon here: thank you to the people in the comments, i'll check those dramas/movies out! and if you know some good dramas about a female friendship then i'd like a rec as well please and thank you 🤲

IM SO SORRY THIS RESPONSE IS MONTHS LATE im still in bar study hell at the moment

(1) delicious romance (2021)

probably one of my favorite female-centric female friendship dramas in recent years i love all the ladies so much!!

it was extremely easy to binge and in my opinion, very heartwarming, relatable, and funny

a huge plus is how it handles a lot issues that a lot of women face in a very mature yet still lighthearted way

there is also a movie sequel (although i haven't watched it yet so cannot speak to its quality)

(2) remembramce of things past (2021) - tw for suicide

first things first -- if zhou yutong has a million fans, then i am one of them. if zhou yutong has ten fans, then i am one of them. if zhou yutong has only one fan, then that is me. if zhou yutong has no fans, then that means i am no longer on this earth. if the world is against zhou yutong, then i am against the world.

an urban slice of life drama centering around the lives of a group women in beijing and from the first episode you already know just how heart-wrenching this drama will be

definitely very heavy at times but all the characters are so compelling despite their seemingly very ordinary lives and these women feel so real because of all their flaws and struggles

also i am in love with zhou yutong i will literally watch almost anything just for her

(3) faithful (2023) - tw for sexual assault

heed the trigger warning -- the story is very heavy due to its subject matter

this drama is not about female friendships technically but the relationship between the two female leads is so central and important to the story and honestly the driving force behind the plot so it counts

the drama isn't perfect but i think that it is a very meaningful exploration of the injustice victims face when they speak out on sexual assault and just how difficult it is for victims to obtain justice in a world that cares more about protecting rapists than believing victims

it portrays the many ways in which victims are punished for daring speak up and fight for themselves and how the justice system and society are culpable in further traumatizing the victims

like this drama was so difficult to watch at times and can be quite triggering so please take care of yourself if you end up watching!!

by the last episode i was bawling like a baby

(4) the story of minglan (2018)

I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS ABOUT MINGLAN TO THIS DAY AND GET THE URGE TO REWATCH ALL 63 EPISODES LIKE EVERY YEAR EVEN THOUGH I DON'T HAVE THE TIME FOR IT

okay again not a female-friendship drama but it is female-centric

such a great slice-of-life drama about the inner lives of women with really rich, detailed storytelling and so many complex women AND UGH I LOVE IT SO MUCH

like the story treats their female characters with so much care and love and the writing allows you to understand all their motivations, and show you how these women, even if they are cruel, scheming, and manipulative, are not passive victims of their circumstances but are doing what they can to exert agency and control in their lives in order to protect themselves and their loved ones

also i lovelovelovelove the main couple so much they're up there as one of my favorite cdrama couples of all time

one day i will manage a full rewatch so that i can re-gif all of my favorite scenes in better quality :)

(5) ode to joy (2016) and ode to joy 2 (2017)

about five women who enter each other's lives because they all live on the same floor of an apartment building in shanghai -- they don't all start out as friends but over time do overcome their differences and become close friends

similar to remembrance of things past in the how it explores issues of career, family, and love but just as good and compelling

some of the ladies are difficult to love at first but by the end i was rooting for them all and enjoyed watching them all grow

(6) twenty your life on (2020)

drama centers around the lives of a group of college-aged girls and explores their struggles as they enter adulthood

it's not a groundbreaking drama but still quite a fun, light-hearted watch that i enjoyed a lot

i loved the girls' friendships so much and was rooting for them all by the end

there is a season 2 but again, i have not watched so cannot speak on its quality

[gibbearish]

re: your post about vaginismus. idk if that's specifically what i have but i definitely have some sort of pelvic floor disorder going on and i was wondering if it's not just an option to never ever partake in any sort of vaginal penetration ever? everyone always acts like you HAVE to treat it by, you know, putting things in your vagina. but i am just not okay with that even remotely even a little bit ever at all. i would genuinely consider any kind of penetration to be sexual assault and would never ever consent to it, not even for medical purposes.

i tried pelvic floor therapy that involved "external" work like breathing & muscle exercises but it really felt like it wasn't helping and was so unjustifiably expensive that i honestly feel like i got scammed :/

i've even spoken to two separate sex therapists about it and all they did was tell me my feelings were valid but never actually offered any helpful insights or advice, leading me to believe they've never encountered anyone like me before, like i'm maybe the most uniquely messed up person in the world to the point that not even sex therapists—whose whole job (i perhaps falsely believed) is helping people with sexual issues—know what to do with me.

so what is someone like me supposed to do?

so before i say anything else, i do just want to offer a disclaimer that i am not a medical professional and everything i say should be taken with a grain of salt, everything im gonna be saying here is speculation based solely on the things youve said and my own personal experiences. i also want to add my generic "if youre in the united states, do everything through planned parenthood" advisory here, they have excellent service and idk how they vet their references but it's kept me from having bad experiences through them so far, so it seems to be working and i highly recommend going through them for anything sexual health related if you have the ability.

now, with that out of the way, on to some more specific advice. so firstly, no, you do not have to treat it. your body is yours and you choose what happens to it. however, that doesn't automatically make every choice a healthy one. you could choose to never brush your teeth or go to the dentist, and anyone who tried to pin you down and forcefully clean your teeth would in fact be assaulting you, but that wouldn't change the fact that we brush our teeth for a reason yknow? it's your body and your choice, and you are allowed to make unhealthy choices if you want, but you should be able to ackowledge them as what they are. and i understand penetration can be scary and hard, believe me, but there are genuine health reasons for doing so. pap smears are how they check for cervical cancer (i just got one done today!), and even outside of that there are things that can cause major problems if left unchecked. for instance vaginal atrophy can make the walls of the vaginal canal dry out and stick together, and if that happens for an extended time with nothing to separate them, those walls can then fuse to and grow into each other. in severe cases, the vaginal canal can fully seal shut, the worst case i read about was a woman in an old folks home who had atrophy from menopause and no sexual activity, so she only found out when the growing skin sealed her /urethra/ shut.

i'm not telling you these things to scare you, but just to hopefully give you some perspective on why medical professionals are so insistent about it. the purpose of invasive tests like pap smears is to prevent having to do much more invasive work down the line to fix things, like cancer treatments or surgically reopening your pee hole. and that's not to say if you don't try to treat yours, those will 100% happen, my point is that if youre not able to work through this fear, you simply won't be able to take those preventative measures. like i said, its your body and you choose what happens to it, but like. there is a legitimate reason for people wanting treatment for vaginismus beyond just sex, i know some people do come at it from an angle of "rrgh sex is what makes us human you must be able to have sex ragagagahg" which is obviously fucked up, but a lot of it does actually come from a place of genuine concern for your health. also, this is just a sidenote, but the breathing and muscle exercises /do/ help, however if youre unwilling to consent to penetration then they don't really have a way to check if it's working and give you pointers on which exercises would actually help you the most. obv you know your situation better than i do so use your best judgement as to whether other factors point to it being a scam, but as someone who's been through that therapy i can confirm that those steps are a normal part of the therapy for it and aren't useless. it's just that therapists can only really help as much as you let them.

and with that, i want to move on to something else, and i know i said this before but i want to reiterate that everything im about to say is entirely speculation. that being said, im getting the feeling that maybe youre not being entirely truthful with yourself about this. you say that you don't want penetration and would never consent, but youve visited multiple doctors about it and are now reaching out to me for answers too. im not sure if the reply i got on that post to a similar tune around the same time was also you or not, but if it was then you reached out through multiple channels as well. and to me, that says that maybe you /do/ actually want to try treating it, but are being held back by fear. whether that fear is due to the previous bad experiences youve had or something else in your past, i couldnt tell you, but given all of that and esp the "maybe i'm a uniquely messed up person" part, i get the feeling that youre not as ok with having it as youre saying you are, and as id wager you mightve told those sex therapists? like. that to me doesnt sound like the statement of someone who is content with the way their body is functioning. to me, it sounds like you are unhappy with having this disorder but your previous attempts to resolve it have stalled out or gotten you nowhere, so youve convinced yourself you're fine with it rather than risk another failure.

because here's the thing. im very careful when talking about this disorder publically not to say that it makes one broken or that sex is a necessary part of being human. and ive been paying closer attention to how misunderstandings like these happen lately, and ive noticed that you can usually learn a lot from people based on what they get defensive about; "if the shoe fits" is a saying for a reason, after all. so when people read my post simply offering resources to those struggling with treatment and come away from it hearing "you are broken and should fix this," it tells me that that interpretation was likely already in their mind before they started reading, that that was the lense they were already viewing my words through. so when they hit a part that seemingly confirmed it, they got defensive. and again, this is all 100% speculation, i know nothing about you beyond this ask and can't know if this is accurate or not. all I'm saying is like. really take some time to sit with your feelings about this disorder and assess if you genuinely are fine with having it. idk if this was included in the version you saw, but in one of the additions to that post i mentioned that like. for a long time i felt the same about my disorder, i'm transmasc so there was something validating about only being able to do sex like a gay man, of not physically having the vaginal option, but. after a while i realized that was just a bandaid for me, an excuse to be ok with it rather than an explanation. whether i wanted to do it "the girl way" or not, i didn't like not getting the choice.

and that's a theme ive actually seen repeated in the tags of that post a bit, ive gotten comments from quite a few ppl saying "i'm ace so this shouldnt matter to me. And Yet...👀" because. like. its your body!!! you want to feel like you have full control over it!!!! choosing not to have sex or not to allow penetration can feel fundamentally different than basically having it dangled in front of your face your whole life but just out of reach. like, there are a bunch of people out there getting treatment because of this post specifically so that they can be ace but Harder. so like. idk, i think what im trying to say it that like. you dont have to try to make yourself be ok with penetration for any reason if you dont want to. but to me it sounds like having the choice could being you peace. reading your ask back, i notice that you didn't actually say youre ok with having this, just that youre vehemently /not/ ok with penetration, and idk. to me that sounds less like peace with where youre at and more like fear. and i think dealing with that fear might get you much further in accepting this part of yourself if just trying to be ok with it on its own isnt getting you anywhere.

now, all of that aside, if that speculation is wrong and it is just outside pressure giving you conflict, that gets a bit more difficult and idk how helpful my advice here can be. my first thought would be to try reaching out to a regular therapist rather than specifically a sex therapist, that way if your aversion to it turns out to be like trauma related or smth, they could help you deal with it, whether by helping you unwind that aversion or by figuring out why external opinions are influencing your self-image so much. other than that, maybe just. try really driving home that its not the penetration aversion thats giving you problems, but your feelings /about/ the aversion? im not sure how you brought this up to them but therapists can sometimes do this thing where they latch on to one specific idea and ignore what youre actually telling them, so i can imagine them getting easily sidetracked into thinking the conflict was about the penetration itself so when you said you were ok with not doing it, they were like "oh! cool well problem solved then, they just needed validation that theyre allowed to not want sex!:))!!!!!" which. sucks massively that that can happen, but therapists are human too and are not immune to having their own internal biases. either way, unfortunately without knowing more about your specific situation+therapist experiences, i don't think i can offer much specific help? it could have just been issues with those specific therapists, or it could have been like with the breathing+muscle exercises where there was something more going on behind the scenes that you werent aware of, or it could be that your issues with this are entirely unrelated to sex which is why sex therapists werent able to help. i would encourage trying more therapists, but i also very very much understand the mental exhaustion involved with that whole process (currently procrastinating setting up my own therapy appointments because my last three have sucked, so seriously, i /very/ much get it kwbfksbfkd) so i get it if that advice rings hollow. i will say though, ive heard from a friend who's currently in therapy that good therapists will indeed ask follow up questions and actually dig up the part thats bugging you, whether you entirely want to give it up or not, but i don't know if that translates for sex therapists. i should hope so but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ who knows. either way though, them not being able to help does not mean youre uniquely fucked up, it just means that they werent the therapists for you.

the only other idea i really have is to just like. maybe familiarize yourself with signs of cervical cancer? i know very little about it myself so i dont even know if there are other external signs, but id assume yes and that people dont just Randomly Drop Dead One Day. so i would research like. what pains to keep an eye out for, changes in urinary habits, things like that, bc if it were me i think that would probably help me feel better abt the whole situation would be knowing i had a backup for the medical aspect.

this got really long and idk if there's a tldr that could do it justice but i think if i had to condense all of this down i would say that no, you are not broken for having this disorder and you do not have to fix it if you don't want to, but i kinda get the feeling that you maybe do want to? however that is entirely a guess that could easily be wrong, so if it is, then i would reach out to a non-sex therapist, because either way it does sound like these feelings are effecting you negatively quite a bit. you deserve to genuinely feel happy with your body, not to feel like the most uniquely messed up person in the world, and a good therapist can help you get there regardless of where those feelings are coming from.

but yeah, i hope this is helpful in some way and that the speculation was ok, it just. really sounds to me like your feelings on this might be more complex than you're letting yourself feel. and i hope that in the event i am wrong, i offered enough possible alternatives to still be helpful 💕 best of luck

[lovingoverwatchguys]

Code of Violence and heteronormativity

Alright, I know I’m breaking my ‘no negativity’ rule here, but oh well.

So, in the time since the initial backlash to Code of Violence (if you weren’t in the fandom at the time, it was pretty intense), people have been re-assessing it as a story. Now, from the beginning, I strongly disliked it. A lot of people seem to have agreed that the initial widespread anger was an emotional reaction rather than a rational one. So, do I still dislike it?

Well...yeah. I still think it was really bad. And I think a lot of people are pretty disingenuous when they’re addressing people criticizing it. 

But I wanted to respond to a specific complaint people had with the negative response to the story. I saw several people say that being angry about his relationship with Martina for sexuality-based reasons was bi erasure. Since he could still be attracted to more than just women.

The thing is...that’s not really why I call the story heteronormative, and I doubt that’s why a lot of others do, either.

Yes, in theory, he could still be bisexual. I’m fully aware of that. But my issue isn’t even entirely about him being attracted to women at all - it’s specifically in the context of tropes seen in the story and how they relate to heterosexual stories.

The main trope I see in this story is the idea of “edgy man is sad because the woman he’s in love with, who is given no traits other than being in love with him, is gone.” This is inherently a heteronormative trope because it reduces women to a ‘motivation’ for a man rather than as characters in their own right. People have been complaining about female characters being reduced to this for decades, and it’s pretty much entirely in stories about male/female couples.

The fact that the whole story seems to focus on this past relationship is also heteronormative because it makes a character’s entire emotional core revolve around a woman he’s attracted to, and nobody else. It idealizes this woman as being loving and forgiving of all of his faults, which wouldn’t be bad if those weren’t the only traits she was given. Any other relationships he had were almost entirely ignored despite them being much more well-established and interesting. 

But it’s not just that. The fact that Jack, the only canon gay man (at the time he was also the only man attracted to men at all, although Baptiste and Lifeweaver have since been confirmed as bisexual and pansexual - still, Jack is the only 100% gay one), is chasing after Gabriel, while Gabriel gives him no thought at all, is also a serious problem for me. ‘Gay guy obsessed with man who only is interested in a woman and ignores him’ is a homophobic trope with years of bad history. We can debate all day Jack’s reasons for chasing Gabriel - whether that be anger, love, vengeance, whatever - but it’s still inherently the only gay man being obsessed with a man that doesn’t seem to be interested in him at all.

I don’t call Code of Violence heteronormative because it doesn’t revolve around gay ships. Frankly, I expect that in media most of the time. I call it heteronormative because it derives from tropes that are both extremely common in heterosexual love stories and also have misogynist and homophobic undertones to them.

You can ask why I don’t give the same criticism to other stories - well, the thing is, I wouldn’t care if Overwatch didn’t constantly emphasize its representation, and if they hadn’t deliberately highlighted Jack and Gabriel’s relationship for years and refused to confirm or deny things about it. I don’t bother going after The Punisher or The Last of Us for having the ‘edgy man with woman motivation’ (even though I still have problems with the trope itself) because those stories never pretended to be about anything else. But Overwatch and its writers have claimed so much that they care about our representation and not being revolved around purely heterosexual narratives, so they should live up to the standards they set up for themselves.

One of the reasons these primarily heterosexual tropes are common is that they’re very easy writing shorthand. A random love interest that’s not given any traits gives motivation for a character that an audience can easily understand without having to create a new character or build a real relationship. As useful as that might be, you can’t act as if you write in a subversive way while also falling back on these shorthand tropes. You have to pick one or the other. And Code of Violence is where Overwatch failed to pick a single pattern.

[kontextmaschine]

Hi, I don't mean to be rude or a bother, but can you please elaborate what "Caused enough damage there (In reference to your brain) that my existing personality was no longer viable" means? From your post on February 25 relating to jerking off to guys.

(re:)

Uh, well it definitely did cause brain damage, I'm not sure how much cell death vs. temporary interference there was because while some things – memory issues, tingling in extremities, fine muscle control – cleared/came back, others – anxiety, sexual orientation – didn't, and I suspect some of the stuff that came back the original brain cells were destroyed and other ones eventually figured how to fill in in the same way the original ones had in infancy.

As for the rest, well there was just total depersonalization. Like if I was standing in a room with Bob and Charlie, I did not feel present in the scene, like "this is a room containing Bob, Charlie, and Kontextmaschine", I felt like "this is a room containing Bob and Charlie, and I am the god's-eye camera perspective". Even while Charlie could ask me a question and I could hear it, evaluate it, compose an answer and say it, and it wasn't like I was like "gah, who said that?", but yet I did not have the sense there was a person who had committed that speech act.

Likewise I could eat food, and realize I was out of food and go to the supermarket and buy what I was used to or looked interesting, and I had the sensory experience of its taste, but I could not tell you if it was any good, because that would be in someone's opinion, and there was no person having those experiences.

This fact pattern would also support "I entered a depersonalized state no personality could get through, and by the time it cleared my (original) personality had changed", there's not really any way to distinguish them and it's kind of arbitrary.

[hexonthepeach]

Taking a break from spending my Saturday writing and editing to say that some of the comments/commentary I've been receiving on agtbtb are broaching a personal boundary I feel I should be more clearly stated so as to not cause confusion. I don't think this has been done intentionally or with ill will so I want to address it from the lens of my personal feelings on the issue and allow those who feel differently to decide whether or not they would like to continue engaging with my work.

This is not the initiation of a conversation, this is me stating my boundaries to my readers before enforcing them as needed. My apologies if this is long, but there's a lot to unpack here.

tw: potentially triggering commentary under the cut re: SA and CPTSD

First, I don't think it's necessary to qualify my writing or my choices in how things are written with regards to my own trauma or identity. I would urge anyone who thinks this is necessary for authors to consider that many people do not have the ability to speak to it, and I say this as someone who physically and emotionally is still shaken by it (like full body tremors and feeling sick just having to write this) even if I decided a long time ago that I felt it necessary to share my experience as part of my own process of healing. Which is not something that I believe will ever be complete, by the way.

I have been writing and reading darkfic (dubcon/noncon) for as long as I have been an adult. I have also been a survivor of violent SA and DA for much longer. The two are not interchangeable in any way so much as to say that a lot of people who have experienced violence find comfort in writing/reading about it. I believe that fiction is a realm where individuals can explore things, including their own complicated experiences, without repercussions. It is a literal safe space to work through one's personal feelings in the face of a world that is incredibly skewed towards unjust exploitation. Just adding also: I do not believe there are moral ramifications to engaging with or producing work that is transgressive, it is only right to be cognizant and respectful of your audience, especially wrt proper tagging etiquette and keeping things accessible only with consent.

But I also think an audience should be respectful of creators, especially when this work is offered for free at great personal effort and care on their part. I welcome commentary and engagement, am desperate for it even considering the ratio of time spent making it to how little response some things get (all while knowing that engagement isn't easy and I could do more of it myself).

So as someone who knows intimately the conversations that happen internal and external in the wake of abuse and assault, I would ask you to not say stuff like "x deserves/deserved it" or other victim-blaming statements in relation to any of the characters I write experiencing sexual trauma or its repercussions.

In the context of agtbtb I bookended one assault with another on multiple experiences from the victimizer's POV not as a form of narrative punishment but as an attempt to demonstrate how fragile the boundaries of control/consent are in a world deliberately designed to enforce a hierarchy of domination and sexual violence. Omegaverse as a genre has this coded into it, it's why it's incredibly rewarding to deconstruct it and play with and I am hopeful that those who have been enjoying my take on it continue to do so. If not, I absolutely respect that and ask that you refrain from criticizing my interpretation unless I have made a clear misstep in tagging or am offensive, esp. re: inclusivity.

On a final note, I have also been through several fandom experiences where I have seen an unconscious bias towards judging the actions/motivations/interests of women, female or fem-coded characters outsized to those of men/male/masc. It's just gonna happen, especially when said male characters are idols who are being interpreted through ones own personal attachments vs. a self-insert proxy. I knew what I was wading into by making y/n a female aggressor in this story but I hope I have also made it incredibly clear that the circumstances of this person's life and relationships with others are formed on a foundation that is broken. I didn't write 100k reiterating the experience of enduring medical trauma and forced submission, dehumanization and imprisonment, suicidal ideation and hopelessness for a frankly normal response to their trauma to be read as "this person is being treated too kindly". I find that deeply unjust. The false ideal of the "perfect victim" has been used to subjugate women and to minimize their trauma, it is reactionary and patriarchal and if you have adopted that mentality I ask you to examine why. On the other side of that coin is how they recover or address that trauma, it is always personal and does not minimize the original harm.

I write flawed people and complex consequences, because I recognize that systems of abuse/oppression often lead to our own complicity in them or re-enacting that violence on others. The answer to breaking that cycle isn't retributive justice, ever. It's restorative. Of all the things I write related to self-insert fantasy that's the one that feels the most impossible for the world to accept so I understand if it's a hard pill to swallow for some, but I'll stand by it.

No one is exempt from this and my treatment of one character within the context of their relationships and their history is not a diminishment of anothers. As stated in another ask, this story is ongoing and I am doing my best to tell it the way I feel flows naturally from an unnatural premise.

Thanks for your patience as I tell it, and for your sensitivity to my perspective and boundaries with regard to its subject matter.

all my love

- ash

[scattered-winter]

For the ask game: owen from 911ls and zuko from atla 👀

owen

sexuality headcanon

bisexual

otp

billy/owen because they fucking hate each other and I think it's hilarious

brotp

poor judd is always dragged into his bullshit 😔

notp

gwyn deserves so much better I'm not sorry

first headcanon that pops into my head

he probably has a tattoo in a very embarrassing place

favorite line from this character

ok I will give him this one win: "126 is a family. These uniforms bind us tighter than blood. Like family, we argue, screw up, let each other down. But as long as we keep fighting for one another there is no challenge cannot rise to, there is no crisis that we cannot overcome. This building stands today not because of its bricks and mortar, but because of the heart and soul of the family inside of it" because fuck yeah, they are a family <33

one way in which I relate to this character

annoying bitch representation ig

thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

literally everything?? but especially how he makes EVERYTHING about him. even things that are completely unrelated. like. does he ever get sick of the world revolving around him??? does he???? and the other thing is how when he had cancer, the biggest thing he was worried about was his hair and his dick. like. maybe I'm just biased because my family is full of people dying--literally dying--of cancer but that shit was like a slap to the face. I'd be so embarrassed if I was him. imagine telling your son to his face that you care more about your hair and your fucking abilities more than you care about the very real, very damaging trauma that comes from watching a parent wither and die right before your eyes. the ls cancer storyline isn't just annoying, it's offensive (to me, at least) and a big part of it is because of owen's attitude

cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

problematic. not my fav. just problematic <3

zuko!!!!!!!! my baby boy!!!!!!!!!!!

sexuality headcanon

he's the gayest little guy I've ever laid eyes on. I've stayed silent on this issue long enough

otp

I'm a zukka truther at heart but I also think jetko has the potential to be funny

brotp

zuko and toph!!! lowkey wish there was an ep before sozin's comet where they hit the town and caused some problems together

notp

zutara. I'm sorry but it's true ,, it's just. a painfully straight ship no matter how you twist it. doesn't pass the vibe check

first headcanon that pops into my head

he's also the most autistic guy to ever exist so jot that down

favorite line from this character

"they don't see our greatness. they hate us, and we deserve it" yesssss boy recognize the wrongdoings of your people and fight for redemption not just for yourself but for your nation yessssssssssss

one way in which I relate to this character

autism <3 also family issues (I haven't been burned in the face tho <333 thank fuck)

thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

ghsldkfjsg every time I watch him re-introduce himself to the gaang in s3,,,great job little buddy that's the worst anyone's ever done it <3

cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

he's both. he's my cinnamon roll and he's also a problematic fave. he contains multitudes <333

character ask game

[irisbeingthiamssongiscanon]

Fics I’ve Been Reading This Week! (2/5/23-2/11/23)

I just finished showing Teen Wolf to my partner, and we made the mistake of watching that god awful movie, so of course I'm obsessing over Thiam again. So these are literally all Thiam fics. 

Airplanes by @thiamfresh 

Relationship: Thiam (Liam Dunbar/Theo Raeken)

So this was a re-read, I finished it up at the beginning of the week. This was one of the first Thiam fics I ever read, and is still my favorite. Liam is so painfully oblivious in this (which is extremely on-brand for him), I wanted to punch him as much as Theo did. If you have been living under a rock and somehow have not read this yet, and don't know what it's about, Liam basically decides that he needs a break after the pack defeats the Anuk-Ite and the hunters and he "forces" Theo to take him on a road trip. Really cute fic, lots of fluff and angst, background Sterek and Morey, no explicit smut, literally iconic. Go read it. Now.

The Storm by @thiamfresh & @extrasteps

Relationship: Thiam (Liam Dunbar/Theo Raeken)

Also a re-read, because I need my smut. This is an alternate ending to chapter 32 of Airplanes for those of us that wanted smut. While being extremely smutty (it's literally a full chapter of smut), this was still really cute.

with your hands around my neck by @weewoolesbian

Relationship: Thiam (Liam Dunbar/Theo Raeken)

This one is during season 6B and take place during some of the episodes, which I love when fics do that. VERY well written smut (super explicit, and pretty kinky as well) with very well written plot. Classic case of enemies to enemies w/ benefits to lovers. It's also a 5+1 things fic, which I typically don't read too much of, but I really liked this one. I really wish this was longer :(

Do You Love Me? by @chasing-chimeras

Relationship: Thiam (Liam Dunbar/Theo Raeken)

So when I read "Liam asks Theo an important question at an inopportune time", I was not expecting the 'inopportune time' to be mid-smut. Caught me SO off guard, BUT I really loved this one-shot, the right amount of fluff and smut (at least for my preference, I'm a horny bastard so I really love my smut).

As I bleed by @thiamfresh

Relationship: Thiam (Liam Dunbar/Theo Raeken)

God I love the "kiss where it hurts/game of chicken" trope, it should be it's own tag on Ao3 considering how popular it is. Short and sweet fic, no smut, so cute.

inglorious roommates by @honeyscapes

Relationship: Thiam (Liam Dunbar/Theo Raeken)

TW for mentions of sexual harassment, SA, homophobia, and child abuse for this one. I am obsessed with this fic, holy shit. Another type of fic that I tend to not read very often is AUs, unless they're just canon divergence, because a lot of the really popular ones for a while were Hogwarts AUs, and as much as HP does mean to me (fuck JKR), Hogwarts AUs have just never been something that interests me. However, I know that there's a lot of well written and non-HP related AUs out there so I've been trying to get into them. This fic is so good, it's a college/university and no werewolves AU, Liam and Theo are both assholes, I believe their characterization is inspired by their pre-development personalities. Theo is the quintessential bad boy trope in this, he's on probation, he's got violent anger issues, etc. I cannot fully express how highly I think of this fic, my partner is so tired of me talking about this one, I literally talk about it multiple times a day.

[aristotels]

re: wednesday

1) i had fun watching it

2) it also sucks

like personally i rly related to wednesday. I used to be a lot like her when growing up. i was p mentally ill, and was obsessed w death and murder since i was young (perks of ocd intrusive thoughts and paranoia and delusions). i used to write a lot back then, mostly criminalistic stories, lots of murders, etc and had professors and family call me morbid and always judge me for my sarcastic tone and resting, unemotional face. emotions are hard for me. expression is hard for me. but it was met w so much judgement and its obvious i was a disappointment in their eyes for "not being normal".

hell, i had a word-for-word argument w my roommate in college, like enid had w wednesday. that roommate (ok, i wasnt a saint, but she was a fucking bitch too) had the same spiel as enid: "I TRIED SO HARD TO BE YOUR FRIEND" and just couldnt understand i dont like conversing and being bestie roomies or whatever she had in mind. i was too poor to afford my own flat, so i lived in the dorm. and she just couldnt understand i dont want to paint our nails together and talk abt ~boys. (also she was so weird abt my sexuality for some reason and it made me so uncomfortable???) anyway, i just wanted a place to sleep and sit at my laptop w my headphones and chill. and i told her that. and she still kept invading my privacy, all under guise of "wanting to fix me". (anyway, my next roommate did the same thing but at least she wasnt a bitch. she just wanted a more extroverted and talkative companion which was totally ok. and she moved out, and i finally snapped and called a psych and got a single room bc of my mental illnesses so it was all good)

but also the show is so... shallow. it tried to relate outcasts to being queer but there isnt literally a single queer character in the show? enid couldve so easily been trans. like at least that fucking "conversion therapy for wolves" (literally the worst line ive ever heard in my life) wouldve made some fucking sense. and i think itd rly add to her character and struggle w identity. and i mean she wolfs out in the end anyway which... shallow solution to the whole idea they tried to portray.

wednesday too. apparently the solution to her issues of loneliness was just "get a boyfriend!!!". idk what they thought w the whole heterosexual love triangle but it sucked af. cmon. make her a lesbian. make her bi. or make her aroace if you want to go that route, which would be also v in line w her character, and perhaps the best option.

bianca was okay. the actress is gorgeous, and i rly wish they wouldve given her more depth. literally ALL characters are so one-dimensional. wednesday is interesting on her own but good shows dont revolve around just the protagonist. you need a good cast and you need people to care about them and this show doesnt do it.

i generally liked the wrap-up of the murder mystery, but it might be bc i personally love good guys turning out to be villains. so mad abt gwendolyn dying tho, she was the literal star of the show

but anyway yeah. its ok, but also cringe af, it lacks queer chars in a story abt people who are textbook definition of "queer" (as in: weird, odd), wednesday is kinda a mary-sue at some points, its super tween, shallow, brings no points across, and has no depth to characters.

i had fun watching wednesday act like i did tho so idk ill prob watch the next season when it comes out

[kittytiddycommittee]

(Hair and performance anxiety guy, here again)

I think I asked you what your thoughts were because you’re a random milf on the internet, sometimes we need feedback from someone who’s completely not invested in our emotions either positively or negatively. There’s no reason you’d tell me anything but what you happened to think.

ideally, I’d fix this, the “eat and beat it” approach isn’t ideal for me either. Definitely appreciate the advice re: transparency, it’s hard to be open about this type of thing, but it is better than having her think I’m just not excited to be there.

I’m more of a switch, maybe even softly dom-leaning these days, but it’s been really tough. From the sort of “traditional” direction, it’s hard to feel masculine and competent and useful when my dick won’t do what I want, and from the service/submissive side of things, I feel like I’m letting the woman down by not providing something she’d enjoy.

As for hair, I deeply appreciate your candor. Advice online is heavily split between “it’ll make you unlovable and old looking” and “nobody will even think about it, just shave your head and live free”, both of which seem inaccurate haha. “Its not ideal, but not a dealbreaker for many women” seems comparatively much more accurate for a good chunk of the population in my dating range. It’s tough, losing my hair feels like losing my youth, whatever small ability I ever had to turn heads, and a lot of my sexual self-esteem was tied to my desirability. Embarrassingly vain, yes, but I really like feeling like people like the way I look. It makes me happy to see beautiful people, so I want to also be beautiful, idk how exactly to explain it

Tbh, I’m not even sure if those meds are what’s doing it. All I know is that I was doing a lot better last summer, when I wasn’t on them. There have been other changes since then, though. They also haven’t necessarily worked that well, so idk.

thanks for the kind words, honest advice, etc. I’ll go talk to my doctor again, and definitely do some introspection about how I relate to sexual scripts, what aspects of common ones do or don’t work for me, etc. this is one topic where I’ll be making my own choice, don’t worry about me just copying advice from the internet Willy-nilly

have a good one :)

Glad I could offer a little perspective!

I truly would not call your feelings vanity. What you're going through is really tough. Hair and dick are major targets for one's self esteem, especially men's, so having issues with both at once feels like a serious blow. Nothing wrong with wanting to be beautiful. I think men have a harder time reconciling that feeling, too.

Good luck! May you get to the other side of this soon 💜