#and it's worked so far! i havent gotten tired of them. i was thinking about a scenario with them right now actually!

[melissa-titanium]

HELLOOO CAN I TALK TO YOU ABT DOLL

do you think that like, her being at school let her have some escape from her home and her revenge plans, like in this picture she is smiling and it looks way more like a happy smile than here

SHE IS HAPPY TO GET HER REVENGE, BUT SHE LOOKS SO TIRED, EVEN HER LAUGH IS TIRED

its like shes getting worse from the kills, in her house there was enough oil for her to not kill any other drones, yet her plan had to work, but it didnt, and only let her feeling more guilty

EVERYONE IS ALLOWED TO SEND ME SHIT ABOUT DOLL ALWAYS AT ANY TIME EVER FOREVER AND EVER. I LITERALLY NEED HER. SHES SO FUCKING COOL. BUT OMG HI YES HOLD ON

thats such an interesting take on pilot doll omg HI???? YES I CAN TOTALLY SEE THIS CONSIDERING WE DONT SEE DOLL IN SCHOOL OUTSIDE OF THE PILOT. HIIII YES OMG ok ok.

i havent actually thought this much about this. i personally think her in the pilot vs her in promening was like. not really a Whole big difference but like...the fact that lizzy now has access to v set her off. shes always been a little unsettling, a little fucking deranged but maybe something happened between ep 1 and 3 thatr was like. lizzy came to her like... hey, one of the disassembly drones came by my bunk the other day. was this the one? (shows doll a pic) and doll just FUcking Loses it . i think she was actively vengeful during the pilot too but YES like ur saying its almost a .grounding thing. everyone here is real and alive. and then at the end of the day she has to go back and face dozens upon dozens upon dozens of corpses that are there because of HER and its liike. idk i imagine shes 18-22 . shes young as hell. and that FUCKS WITH YOU. this is doll to me:

they know damn well her parents are dead but she's just under being eerie enough that no one really suspects her for anything going on. she's relatively normal around lizzy & not aggressive but not outgoing with other students. like to everyone, shes just a normal kid who lost her parents. plenty of kids have lost their parents, considering the murder drones lurking *right outside the bunker.*

i think she would get tired. yeah. she held onto the all consuming debilitating hatred for these genocidal war machines that killed her parents and countless others. then heartbeat happens, and suddenly people are Okay with them??? that would fucking set her OFF. so long, so fucking long shes been holding onto her anger and not being able to do anything about it . BUT NOW SHE CAN. ough ok but then theres those conflicting feelings bcos of uzi. u can see in promening she has SOME sense of... for lack of a better word, humanity in how she treats uzi (hell even tossing lizzy out of the way when she started killing people.) i think she picks and choses who she cares about and then is usually consistent in how she treats them. basically; dont get on her bad side. she's conflicted at the end of ep3 after learning uzi has the solver; but uzi is siding with the murder drones and thats HER loss for being SCHTUPIDDDDDDDD!!!! but then again, she finally has someone who understands what shes going through... but also AUGH..! i have to kill v i HAVE to kill v ive gotten so far i cant give up now FUCK!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!! i think there would be so much of her being conflicted between uzi knows what i feel. but also uzi is siding with the bitch who killed my fucking parents. i think she would just spiral and spiral until dead end comes along and she has a decision to make. and she makes it. and uzi is Fucked and v is Fucked and n and tessa are FUCKEd AND OK TYHIS IS GETTING LONG IM DONE

doll jumpscare

[ruporas]

i've been wondering- what do you think of vash and ww's relationship to pain? do u have any thoughts on it??

cuz i was just thinking like. obviously they're both extremely resilient and don't care much if they get hurt in the process of achieving whatever, but like... as for the pain specifically, i have to wonder.

cuz i'm reading trimax for the first time and toward the end of the sand steamer mess kite basically asks if vash even feels pain. and i mean... he has to, since not that long ago he just hit the floor with a dramatic blood splatter lmao. but like.

is he just suppressing visible reactions? or does he just not feel pain unless it's above a certain level?

and i wanna know about ww too if you have thoughts, i just haven't gotten that far in trimax :')

forgive me if my wording is all over the place, i havent been very elegant in my words Lately, but i am always down to talk about specific shit involving vash and wolfwood,

if we're just talking physical pain, yeah, i think they feel pain normally!

For Vash, he is the master of repression throughout Trimax, so I think naturally, he keeps a strong face no matter the level of hurt, whether on the outside or inner. It's just in his nature to not allow others to worry about him by pulling through with a fake smile or in some cases, he feels like he deserves the pain inflicted on him so even if he's getting pulverized to shit or threatened against his life, he'd default to a silence as opposed to screaming in agony that might make people think he isn't feeling anything. It's probably also second nature for him to no longer yelp or cry at pain after the amount of years he's spent getting hurt, but i think this only applies if he isn't emotionally involved in a fight (which is rare, but it happens in ch. 38).

In terms of physical pain, he seems to feel it like how regular humans do. I've thrown together some examples where he goes owchie owchie owchie that aren't too spoilery:

The Emilio scene is kind of why I don't think he's just playing up the theatrics of feeling pain, though I do think he would on some occasion, especially since he roleplays with children all the time. Verbally saying "ow ow ow" could potentially be an instinctive reaction too or maybe a source of comfort. But yeah!! I think Vash has always been able to feel pain and it's not like being a plant has lessen his ability to do so. Any resilience built is tacked on due to him being alive for 100 years and being a guy with a clear painted bullseye on his entire figure that ends up getting him shot and scarred.

In the end, the pain that gets to Vash the most will always be on an emotional level rather than physical, but Vash is such a genuine person and so present when it comes to other people that even if it's a pain he can take, it'll still hurt him terribly in more ways than one.

For Wolfwood; I think in general, those under the Eye of Michael have a strong resilience to dealing with pain due to the regen potions and the amount of training forced on them. I don't think we ever get the full description of what exactly those in EoM endured throughout their younger years, but we saw WW get shot at an early age in chapter 12 and we can assume it happened more than once. Over and over again until he won't even flinch against it just like how killing without hesitation was attempted to be drilled into him. I don't really know how it works scientifically… but I fully believe that he's mostly numbed to the physical sensation of it and it's the psychological part that gets to him more. Wolfwood himself is a naturally skilled fighter too, not that that really has anything to do with his dealing with pain, but I think his focus and attention on a battle and his stubbornness to win kicks an adrenaline that allows him to ignore the pain.

Though, his body also gets sore and tired just like any regular human does and there's this instance where he goes owie too:

(While NOT as much as Tristamp WW does where he's cracking a cold one every goddamn minute, I do think Trimax WW has gotten used to taking regen pots and thus, can afford to be careless and not give a damn.)

So, physically, technically in canon, they don't really have anything that specially makes either of them unable to feel pain, but just as you said, they're incredibly resilient. And ultimately, the both of them are affected emotionally/psychologically that hurts them more than the physical aspect of it, considering how physical pain is almost a daily chore for them to deal with (Vash being hunted for sport for majority of his life + Wolfwood being involved in experiments/killings for majority of his life.)

I think Trigun in general, while showing physical pain being a strong factor of hurt for regular people like us constantly seeing civiilians get beat up or shot, it tends to boil down to the multiple varieties of pain when it comes to those who deal with physical pain often (Gung Hos, Vash, EoM members).

I didn't know where to put these comments but here are extra thoughts:

They're both evidently really good at hiding their pains or any mark of vulnerability. They both could have a hole in their chest and go days without anyone else noticing so long it isn't killing them.

They're both pretty reckless during battle, but I think for Vash, he already tries to avoid violence at all cost and thus, do in a roundabout way lessen his own chance of getting hit in hoping to not stir that violence against another. As a result, I think Wolfwood can be way more reckless and ends up getting hurt more unnecessarily as a result of it.

They both are capable of healing at quick rates so I'm sure that allows the pain to feel more temporary, less of a risk to sustain, and to further hone in not caring too much about getting shot. That only applies for themselves individually though because every time they see each other get hurt, they're always so so worried despite knowing the other will be fine.

i'm pretty sure i repeated myself like 800 times, but i hope this Answered the question SFGMSDKGSMDKH i also tried to be vague enough in my wordings and focus only on the beginning-ish of trimax so to not spoil! i hope u enjoy ur reading of it!!

[cosmobrain00]

wanna talk about your ocs some moreee? (plsplsplsplsplsplspls)

DO I. vibrating at incredibly high frequencies rn what better place to start than once again w the yarrow siblings bc WOW. THEY DRIVE ME NUTS!! like. for example ive been thinking of bella again more recently n feel incredibly sick ovr it all, ik I briefly mentioned sm stuff abt her before BUT? shes actually the eldest sister of all time guys n let me explain:

where to even begin. she was the first of her parent's eventual "failures", while being graced w gen love n kindness at first from them they quickly grew "tired" of her n she could never understand why. one day they were indulging her whims, pinching her cheeks n letting her come everywhere w them, n the next she was tugging at her mother's skirt hem n her fathers hand asking to be picked up n they only tiredly looked at her this time n told her to "stop being fussy" n that was that. when she heard they were having another kid it felt like she was being "replaced" n her chest hurt so bad and her eyes welled up n she ended up running to her room n slamming the door n crying into her pillow bc she just wanted her parents back n knew that now she'd really never get to have them again. when her baby brother was finally born tho, her mother made her hold him n at first bella only frowned sullenly down at him bc really- this is what they were replacing her with? but something inexplicable softened inside of her against her will when he softly smacked his little fist against her chest n ended up snuggling closer to her, n she ended up walking around the house simply carrying him for a while until he fell asleep so her mom could rest. when they eventually realized there was something wrong w myer- that being his near inability to see pretty much anything- suddenly he wasnt their cute kid anymore he was something that was "too much work" bc of this, n so what do they do? they pawn him off on bella of course, n u can guess how well that goes over. not only have they replaced her but now they've turned her into myers sole caretaker pretty much bc theyre gone so much of the time (AT AGE 8 MIND YOU.) once, bella shut the door in myers face n told him to go away, only to open it hours later n see him sitting right outside fiddling w the carpet in the dark. she felt so guilty tht she started crying n hugged him close n said she was sorry over n over. like she really felt like he “took” her parents love at first, but now? it feels like he's simply in the same boat as her n she has no choice but to step up for him bc if not her then who else. tht doesnt mean she still didnt struggle w him, far from it in fact, but while she has these mixed emotions, she also knows that despite myer not being able to see her much, whenever he hears her voice its enough to bring him running from the opposite end of the house to her n that means something to her. AND I HAVENT EVEN GOTTEN TO KEITH N LORELEI YET THE FUCK OF IT ALLLLL. when bella once AGAIN hears tht her mom is having another kid, TWINS this time she nearly loses it because she simply doesnt understand why both her n myer arent good enough n why theyve been discarded. when keith n lorelei arrive ofc its only a matter of time bf theyre all but pushed onto bella to take care of, n shes so so tired at this point but she simply steels herself n accepts bc she wont allow them to be abandoned. keith is a sullen little brat who's too angry so much of the time but she understands bc shes like that too deep down still. lorelei nearly never sleeps n her n keith cause so much trouble tgt but shes also the one to hug bellas leg n tell her she loves her no matter if they just fought or not. n bella may feel bitter but she'll still read them the books she found at the dump at night n listen to them all n let them pull on her apron n whine when shes trying to make things n like. they annoy her so much she wishes her parents never had them she doesnt know how to live without them now she'd do anything to protect her broken little family she wouldnt know what to do if she lost any of them, n all of these feelings just explode when the draft comes n her parents abandon them all n now its officially her turn to be the head of their fam. do not even get me started on bella being the one to go to the war in place of myer either bc I will not stop SOMEBODY SEDATE MEEEEE

[sammygender]

AH i want to hear about all of them but sam & dean & strawberries and girl sam au especially !! :) (also i totally forgot to send this earlier that's my bad 😭)

LOVE U YAY THANKS FOR THE ASK. wait this is gonna be a long post sorry

sam and dean eat strawberries is literally not about anything. its kind of a case fic, kind of me trying to get into sam's head circa s5, very much me trying to sum up an aesthetic, amorphous Vibe in a way a lot of writers are very skilled at that i think i lack. them eating strawberries would just be one scene in a longer fic i think. i just havent gotten around to actually shaping what fic i want to write yet. heres the strawberries segment though

After a hundred miles it’s four pm and they pull over on the side of the road to eat the strawberries. Dean gets out and Sam gets out and they sit on the hood of the Impala and stare at the landscape around them like they’ve done six thousand times before. Dean’s hungry and despite his fondness for anything processed (“When you think about it, Sam, my food, unlike yours, is actually made to be eaten, you don’t just find it on a random tree—”) he tears into the punnet like it’s the first thing he’s eaten in days. Ends up biting them off their stalks, chewing them whole. It’s weird. 

Sam watches Dean do it for a little while and gets distracted looking at the way his throat works and wondering if he ever accidentally swallows them, wondering why he doesn’t just nibble at them like a normal person. Is it intentional? Does he think it’s coolier, manlier, to gulp food down whole? Or can he not control it? Is it just part of him, to swallow too much at a time, to eat too fast, to devour? Is he really that hungry? Sam is rarely hungry, not real-hungry where you think you’re gonna pass out and you keep feeling your ribcage and barely normal-hungry where you think God I could really go for some food right now. Dean drops another stalk in the dirt by the tires of the Impala. It’s oddly precisely bitten off. Sam stares at it in the dirt and forgets to eat any of the strawberries. Dean nudges him and he almost jumps. 

Strawberries long swallowed, mouth still slightly wet from the juice, Dean raises an eyebrow at him. “This was your idea, Sammy.” Then, holding the strawberry by its stalk, he neatly bites the whole thing off again. Starts to chew. There’s something oddly delicate about it, something weirdly, strangely, sweetly charming. Sam’s heart jumps in his chest. His brother on his car, leather jacket and childhood swagger all intact, eating fresh strawberries whole. It could be an advert, it could be a daydream, it could be a nightmare. 

“Why are you eating them like that?” Sam blurts out. 

Dean frowns. Mouth still full, he says, “Like what?”

Sam gives up. There’s still a good two-thirds of the strawberries left. They make their way through the rest of them in companionable silence.

and then girl sam occupies a similar space actually? where im not actually yet sure what i want to Say which makes it very hard to write. everything ive written so far ended up being very much about religion in a way where it isnt so much a girl sam fic anymore its just a fic and sam happens to be a girl in it:

When she’s fifteen, Sam gets very into religion. Dad works a case with Pastor Jim, Dean too, and Sam spends the weeks hanging around in his church a lot, sitting in the pews reading Genesis and talking to a God that feels more present and certainly more communicative than her father. She’s most interested in Eve, the second child, God’s first daughter. Made from Adam’s rib cage, something like his twin or his sister, bonded by bone; eternally curious and brave and therefore evil. Dramatic as it may be—well. Sam can relate. 

She steals a Bible from the drawer of the motel room when they leave, the irony of the act not escaping her. Not to keep—they don’t really keep things—but just to keep reading, like it’s the next chapter of the comic books she used to like. In the back of the Impala, she curls up, cranes her neck to angle the book under floodlights as they pass, Dean in the front blissfully unaware of her Christian escapades. He’s always offended when Sam believes in anything that’s not him. Sam underlines her favourite passages in pencil carefully like it’s for an English grade. Ruining her eyesight for poorly translated snippets of God’s word.

[s-sunnydays]

things left unsaid in artist’s depiction

i dont know if anyone checks this blog since i havent posted, but i guess i could share the things i never got to share since i discontinued artist’s depiction!

also, warning: there are trigger warnings!

iris was the one who reloaded the SAVE file and had gone insane since the mc had died in the fire. she was the one who also caused the accident, but she didn’t mean to; it was supposed to keep the mc from leaving since the machine was really close to being fixed and such.

faye had died at around six to nine years old because she’d gotten too sick and the mc couldn’t afford to enough money to keep her alive or to buy her any sort of medicine.

victor and sierra did run away because they were chased by debtors and all of that since they always messed with the wrong people in their lives. though, they don’t care about that as much, they didn’t want the others to get involved. i didn’t think much about how they died, but i would say that they ended up dying far away and no one knew since the mc couldn’t contact them – lost all contact with them.

sans never liked iris and iris never liked sans, they both just liked the idea of being in a relationship. and, sans gradually learns that iris liked mc the most – the best. even if she treated them horribly

there weren’t any sort of coherent thoughts about how the ending would go, but i assumed that there would be a polyamorous relationship with the mc and the skelebros aus where they could visit the original timeline any time they wanted since the machine and the tear was fixed.

iris’ feelings were never reciprocated

iris was mc’s childhood friend, and learned everything from them – how their life worked, how they had three siblings (never knew about oliver).

the mother ended up dying without oliver knowing – she died from overdosing on medication.

oliver vaguely remembers faye, but doesn’t know about the rest of the siblings. mc never told him until later, where he finds a picture of the other three – he asks why he looks related to victor and sierra and why faye looks so similar to the mc

the mc’s past is eventually revealed by iris or someone else, but other than that, it was basically mutual agreement to tell

the reason why oliver was taken away in the first timeskip was because the mistreatment that the mc had received ended up putting them past their breaking point. and then they started acting like a terrible brother, so they had to let him go – they had to take him to some other place; somewhere where he would be safe.

i have the next chapter, though it is unfinished.

WORK IS TIRING.

You suppose that since Iris pays you to work for her, you’ve been going to your job a lot less — within schedule, at least. Not many days are assigned to you.

“Hey, [Name],” Iris coos from her spot in front of you, sitting at the counter. “Do you wanna go shopping with me and the boys? I’m sure you’ll need something there. It’d the mall, after all! Who wouldn’t want to, like, you know — go shopping with me? I’ll pay for whatever you want.” She sings like a witch—or a siren, depending on the person—and you make a face inwardly.

At first, you would’ve said no. Just a simple no and everything would’ve been fine.

You suppose that no is also not in your vocabulary most of the time.

”…Let me ask my brother,” you mutter in response, pulling out your phone begrudgingly. You send him a message, waiting for his response.

If he says yes, you can only hope that the others don’t start causing problems with him around. You don’t mind the hate, the stares, the faces — just as long he can’t see them; hear them; you’re okay with it. As long as he can’t witness it, it’s fine. That’s all that mattered to you.

——

“Okay~”

Iris looks excited for some reason, but you don’t question it entirely.

You stare at the group of skeletons with a squint of your eyes, wondering where more came from. You should’ve known that the trip to the mall was basically restocking for the rest of the alternates stuck here — though you’re not sure if any of them really need anything. They seem to be more well off than you.

“Malls’re so big!” Your brother whispers to you, stunned by the size of the shopping mall you’re in. You have to agree. “What kind’a stores do they have in here?”

You have to agree with him.

To say that malls are huge is an understatement, you think they’re bigger than most mansions you’ve seen. Then again, you probably just don’t know what malls are like because your mother always told you that they were too expensive and a scam. You always did like sticking to every word she said to you, but that’s in the past. You could care less nowadays.

”I dunno,” you answer honestly. Your eyes scan your surroundings, squinting them when you realize just how large the building is. “Never gone to ‘em either, bro.”

“You haven’t taken your brother to the mall before?” Iris asks loudly, eyes wide with surprise. She glances between you and your brother curiously, obviously shocked — but you don’t even know how she heard you two whispering. It’s not like the others care enough to try and overhear, so why was she trying to be nosy?

Some of the skeletons turn to you, some glance at you, and the rest ignores you (out of pity, you don’t know).

”No,” your brother answers, confused. “We only go to the small ones ‘cause [Name] doesn’t like big stores.”

Well now.

Iris turns to you, frowning at you — you have to say, you don’t know why she’s looking at you like that because it’s not her business — and tells you, “You haven’t taken sweet little Oliver to a mall, [Name]? Shame on you! Malls are great, they have everything you’d need!”

You don’t know how to tell her off without calling her a spoiled brat.

”He already said why I don’t take him to big stores,” you point out, somewhat embarrassed that she had to call you out in front of everyone. “And, uh, malls are expensive… and, y’know, big — he’d get lost.”

“Are you saying you don’t trust your—“

You give her a look of irritation, and for once, the skeletons with you don’t seem too upset about it. Probably because they understand your situation or probably just—the conversation isn’t necessary.

“Are we done?” You don’t care if you interrupt her or get on Sans’ nerves because of it. “If we’re done, I can take Oliver shopping then. See you later, just call me when y—“

And Iris just loves thinking it’s her turn for everything. “We can hang out like old times! You know, when we were in high school together and stuff. Plus,” she shoots you a wink, “we have a lot to catch up on — we haven’t been, like, talking to each other at all! Come on, Sans, let’s go.” You don’t say anything when you see the flickering of his pinpricks or the not-so-subtle glances to your brother from the girl.

You stare at her, narrowing your eyes.

”It can’t be that bad,” your brother tries to soothe your vexation. “‘S okay! Maybe Red ‘n Edge can come with!”

Iris’ face twitches.

Sans’ smile falters. “since when were you buddies with ‘em, kid?”

Red grins widely, almost as if taunting the poor guy. “what’s wrong with bein’ friends wit’ a guy like me? i can come with, i got nothin’ to do anyways… maybe the, uh, boss can come with if he oh so wishes.”

“CAN IT, S—RED,” Edge catches himself and corrects himself. He ignores the looks given and clears his throat. “I SHALL GIFT THE HUMANS WITH MY PRESENCE, SINCE THEY ARE SO DESPERATE TO HANG OUT WITH ME. AND, I AM CURIOUS TO SEE WHAT SORT OF… STORES ARE IN THIS SPECIFIC MALL!”

Your brother shoots you a smile.

You squint your eyes.

Rus puts a hand on your shoulder and nudges Mutt. “‘ey, maybe we can finally get that thing wallet owed me. dunno what it is, but it’s gotta be somethin’.”

“…whatever you say, rus,” Mutt mutters and shrugs his shoulders compliantly. He looks like he just wants to sleep, and you can’t say you blame him. It’s not like you want to be here either, it was obvious that most of the monsters here didn’t want to be here either. You’re sure there’s some other meaning behind it.

”I don’t owe you anything, Rus.”

”sure thing, wallet.”

”They’re not your wallet!”

[emetkoto]

I haven't played bg3 so I'd love to hear how astarion's views of koto change throughout the story pls <3 like is he immediately attracted or what. and what about koto's feelings and how they change. gimmie the deets.

Honestly, Astarion sums up his part pretty well in his confession dialogue!

and then hilariously another tidbit from his final romance scene literally right before he tells you he loves you and you have sex on his grave (ignore old k'oto i havent gotten there on new k'oto yet and also the different outfits these are from two different play sessions)

basically tldr. astarion didnt really care for k'oto at all at first, it was all just manipulation in order to get him to trust him so he would keep him around and protect him since he was terrified of his master finding him (he's a vampire spawn and the only reason he has his free will up until we kill his master is because of the mind flayer parasites all the characters have, he only got away when the mind flayers kidnapped him and has been paranoid about being found since, rightfully so since we come across a monster hunter sent after him early on) so it was all just. seduction and charming! he was really kinda annoyed by k'otos whole 'good guy' thing, like 'ohhhh wow youre a hero. what good are you. nobody ever helped me or saved me. where were you when i needed you.' (obviously completely unfair, k'oto is only 28 and he was turned 200 years ago) and kind of a little bit afraid of him? sure he's shorter than him but he's also way stronger physically and has fangs and claws and strange beastly habits that really just kinda put him off for a while bc yknow. fangs hurt him once. sure this guy seems harmless but he knows better than to trust!!!

except he doesnt. because k'oto was completely unexpected in every way. he's kind and funny and genuine in a way astarion had completely forgotten was possible. he loved him so completely and so honestly the whole time. even when he told him sweet lies and was just so obviously using him he just. kept loving him!!! (k'oto voice) its not real now but someday it might be, and ill still be here when it is. when hes ready to love me back. <--------shit like That!!! the icing on the cake was coming to realize that he and k'oto had. a LOT more in common than he wouldve ever thought. particularly when it came to matters of sex and how they had trouble viewing their bodies as their own due to their circumstances and how it all made it difficult for them to say 'no' to things out of fear/obligation…the very last thing he ever expected from this dumbass catboy was to see himself 100-something years younger in him…..he just. was exactly what astarion needed…uegh!!!

k'oto was pretty much head over heels from the beginning despite the red flags. he was far from home and work where nobody would even think to offer him money for his time and would just spend it with him because they genuinely wanted to for nothing more in exchange than just their own time and company so even if he was being blatantly manipulated it was still the realest shit he'd experienced in years from probably the most attractive guy he'd ever met upto that point so it was a recipe for some good ol fashion love at first sight…or i guess. love at first knifepoint.

maybe a bit of confusion at first bc he'd never been in love before so there was probs a brief period of 'am i in love or is this just lust' until after he slept with him the first time and it didn't go away and in fact only got stronger and he was like 'ok yeah im in love actually!!!!'

sorry this is completely incoherent i love them so fucking much it makes me sick to my stomach and also im so very tired

[idontliketomatoesleavemealone]

honestly I don't wanna read all 70 questions cause I have to get ready for work soooooooo

fuck it, all of them. 1-70

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

I suppose so. I don’t think I’m really close because that’s just how I work but we’re all good with each other

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?

my guinea pig I think

03: Do you regret anything?

bruh that’s a shit question I regret everything I’ve ever done that’s how life works

04: Are you insecure?

hahahahahahahaaha yeah

05: What is your relationship status?

….its complicated

06: How do you want to die?

hopefully in my sleep of old age if I make it that far

07: What did you last eat?

uhhh two laugenbrötchen a few hours ago

08: Played any sports?

used to yeah, PE, fencing, horseback riding, swimming etc

09: Do you bite your nails?

no and I do not like it when other people do

10: When was your last physical fight?

does shoving my head against berry’s shoulder like an angry ram count

11: Do you like someone?

Obviously

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

nope and don’t plan to; I don’t do full nighters

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

so many people you have no idea

14: Do you miss someone?

also so many people. I have a lot of feelings about people.

15: Have any pets?

yeag the dog two cats three guinea pigs

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

bored :( tired, it’s 23:31 as I’m typing this

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

nah I haven’t kissed anyone romantically yet 😔

18: Are you scared of spiders?

yeah but like a reasonable amount

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

the void

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

reading, maybe going outside, I have a very exciting life

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

not really but like, if I’m financially emotionally socially stable enough at some point in like 10+ years I wouldn’t be absolutely opposed to it? Like I wouldn’t just say no. …under the condition that I am NOT the pregnant one fuck no

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

none, I could’ve gotten ear piercings but never did

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

idk like arts? Officially, arts religion and physics

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

yeag many people HOW AM I LIKE A THIRD THROUGH

26: What are you craving right now?

any meat. I’m literally craving meat 24/7 it’s so bad (I haven’t eaten meat since December)

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

I mean probably? Not on purpose and/or that I know of?

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

No

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

yeah :( accidentally, I was making a joke but she didn’t pick up on it and it was like the straw that broke the camel‘s back I think

30: What’s irritating you right now?

Everything man, I’m answering this rn

31: Does somebody love you?

….yeah?

32: What is your favourite color?

red and blue :3

33: Do you have trust issues?

I don’t think so? I don’t trust a lot of people tho

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

hm. Good question? I have a lot of dreams. Probably mutuals or friends or my pigs

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

depends on the person, some I have never given a second chance some should’ve been out of my life ages ago but I’m weak

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

forgive, aka just ignore and hope it doesn’t happen again

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

nah. Arguably, it’s probably one of the best so far; everything kinda went downhill since May, but I can’t really rate years

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

havent 😔

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

as a babe prolly

51: Favourite food?

I don’t really have one but I like chocolate cake and Bratwurst and Klöße :3

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

nah it’s the universe shit just happens

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

idk, brush my teeth?

55: Are you mean?

I can be but not seriously. My teacher once said I can make comebacks too well.

57: Do you believe in true love?

not necessarily in the fairytale form but yeah there’s something like that

58: Favourite weather?

extremely rainy and thundering and shit

59: Do you like the snow?

yeah but we don’t really get any

60: Do you wanna get married?

legally yes but not at a church that’s too much stuff to deal with

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

no, not a fan.

62: What makes you happy?

These are TOO UNPRECISE

63: Would you change your name?

tbh probably not? Like I hate my name but idk what to do about it like it’s still my name

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

yeag cos I don’t remember

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

….that would be a problem bc I’m a lesbian (we could stay friends obv but like. That’s it)

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

hmmm you

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

like how do you define talked to. I talked to the boy at tutoring I guess? In passing?

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

how do you define deep. I had a chat with berry and rice on Monday?

69: Do you believe in soulmates? Sorta, I think for the vast majority of people there’s someone right for them out there

[matoitech]

ok uhh okay. spiderverse 2 thoughts. in bullet points for the sake of my churning brain cuz im just not rly sure how i feel abt it rn. like it was a good movie? i enjoyed it it was fast paced i didnt realize 2+ hours went by which also segues into  my first thought but like. yeah i have thoughts.

first of all that was like a super weird ending decision to make it a part 1 of 2. zero warning for that. and i sat in that theater till credits bcuz i genuinely thought i was being punked and the movie was going to finish, bcuz it did not at all feel like a place to stop for the movie. it ends like right before the climax?? yes they really. extended themselves damn far for this one and it would be a lot to tie up in like another 45 minutes of movie but also like you couldve done it.. i really dont. understand. like ppl just sat in the movie theater like wait is it done. theyre ending it here? for real? like it wasnt the kind of ending you expect from this movie 

animation was obviously gorgeous and insane i dont even need to talk about what eye candy it was. the different styles all together the fight scenes ugh so good yeah yeah everyone knew it would be a trip

rly cannot stress enough what a Direction this sure was. i dont like say it as crit necessarily just like. did they over extend. maybe. they sure Extended. i would expect this maybe for a third movie not a second but they were clearly trying to blow the first one out of the water. it was just.. a lot looser. it needed to be tighter. i dont know what theyre planning for the 3rd movie but i really did not like. vibe with that ending decision

they changed peni’s design slightly and gave her a cooler mech so thats nice. maybe they listened 2 criticisms abt that

i cant decide how i feel abt a lot of the dialogue tbh it rly wasnt my thing a lot of the time like. the changing writers were kind of.. obvious. and there was a LOT of dialogue bcuz this movies purpose seems to be a very Character Driven story to prepare for the next? like theyre TRYING to say stuff thats for sure. also it was rly quippy in a way that i feel has gotten kind of tired with dialogue writing like SOME dialogue was genuinely funny and good to me like i wouldnt say it was BAD or something (some of it was bad.) it was just.. noticeably different? the tone for this movie was changed from the first which again isnt bad youre telling a different story it was just Different yeah. some things i rly thought couldve been handled like with more subtlety. 

i guess we only had one movie with the original cast but some stuff just like i personally was sitting there trying to figure out if it felt in character or not. its rly hard to explain if u havent watched it i think and maybe im just crazy i dunno. im absolutely not opposed to making ur characters fuck up and make mistakes but like. huh. i guess. i would not expect otherwise from gwen bcuz shes a teenager but i was.. surprised that peter was going along with it like ? hes a middle aged man lol he wasnt like taken advantage of or manipulated in any way. not like they were trying to say that w the like spider group anyway, like i dont think they were tryingto say gwen was necessariyl taken advantage of or anything, like they werent trying to make them read as ‘evil’ if anything just like wow these ppl sure have Problems they are going thruogh. but like still? im not invested in peters character even it just felt kind of weird. miles went fucking through it too like jesus christ im still trying to wrap my brain around all this it sure does feel like theyre putting these ppl thru comic book trauma

what i went through emotionally wheni realized they were going to do Dark Miles i dont even mean that as criticism or anything its just a bold move man. buti was sitting there like yeah of course they would. hope they make it work

i dunno i probably have more thoughts im just kind of like sitting here lol like what a weird decision. if they hadnt ended it like that i probably would have my thoughts more tied together bcuz the movie itself wasnt tied up?? so its kind of hard to even like think through everything on one watch

[luciusspriggss]

fucking a

they came to me again with frustrations

saying they are making the decision to have kelsey over because it isnt fair i set the boundary that i did

and i, as calmly as i could, asked them why they felt the need to come to me about their frustrations.

asked them why they didnt understand why i was setting the boundaries i did in the first place

we went over what has happened the past couple months and they gave a very simple explanation, that left out very important details

so i filled in those details

and yeah

eventually i told them the person i loved wouldnt treat me the way they have. and i have no idea why they have been treating me the way they have for the past couple months. why they havent been thinking objectively about how their decisions affect me

pointed out it wasnt really fair to expect me to stay up until 2am to see if they were coming home or not. that it was unreasonable for me to ask they figure it out sooner.

pointed out how freaked out they were when kelsey was on a work trip and hadnt responded in 30-45 minutes. but they told me it was unreasonable for me to be worried about them not texting me until 2am. unreasonable for me to be worried they may have gotten into accident or something, because they used to text me AT MOST within 20 minutes. not 3-4 hours later like they were doing. i was in the wrong for being worried, that after they AGREED to text me back with their decisions and respond if i start sending "is everything okay" "are you alive" texts in addition with one phone call to see if their phone is dead or not, they still chose to ignore everything and keep partying

FUCK

i'm so fucking tired

they did their usual shit of trying to twist the narrative. but i see things for how they are now, and wont let them tell me something happened when it didnt.

it's true our individual therapists are telling us conflicting ideas

but seeing as i'm the sort to retell events as objectively as possible, including trying to understand all sides and where they are coming from, and not even mentioning how i feel about it, just a play by play of the events as they happened...and they are the sort to talk about only their side and how they felt (and they ADMIT they dont actually remember how events transpired, just how they think they felt)...i think it is perfectly reasonable at this point to admit that maybe i'm being assertive for once and sticking up for myself and am NOT some unreasonable ex.

i'm not letting them tell me some narrative that i know isnt true. that maybe i'm right in that it feels like they have had 0 respect for me the past two months and it has been making me feel like shit constantly

i'm so irritated. i know they are frustrated. i know they are sad. i even mentioned to them that i understand how alcohol affects their thinking. that it is a pattern. when they drink less they are far more respectful to me.

i fucking get it. how frustrating it is to not be able to bring your new partner home. but it isn't just that! there are complexities they are ignoring. ughghsjakakahshshk

i feel like total garbage because they apologized and cried a lot and left to go who knows where. but they have been doing this for the past couple weeks!. they cry, they apologize, leave, and then come back a day or two later telling me whatever i said isnt fair

the only thing that sets apart these issues from previous ones, is i am actually going to outside support. i know here on tumblr it is pretty one-sided. but it isnt like that with my therapist or my former roommate. even trying to talk about it as objectively as possible with my step-mom, she acknowledged that i have been making the right choices and doing what is best for me for the first time ever. no people pleasing.

i get they must be confused because i am actually standing my ground, and sticking to it for once.

gah i'm so frustrated.

quite frankly i know they are capable of being a good person and a good friend. they just arent right now and it isn't good for EITHER of us. both of us need space. both of us need time apart from one another. ._.

[gamma-drac0nis]

why do i even bother doing anything, i fucking suck. everyone has some kind of niche thing they're good at. maybe they're smart at a subject, good at studying, maybe a sport, maybe talking, fucking anything. i got none of that. thought maybe it'd be nice to get good at drawing, it's the thing everyone says it's never too late to learn. but i'm stuck here drawing garbage. i genuinely dislike what i'm drawing, it just looks bad. it's not improving, hell i'd even say it's getting worse. compare my shit now to like a few months ago, and wow. not only am i worse at drawing, i've gotten even slower too! what's the point. i try and learn new things, and it comes out shit. i actually hate my drawings, never call that shit art cuz it's not. people will say nice things about it, or sometimes not even, but it's all out of pity for me. that person only reblogs my stuff out of pity, i fucking know it. so why do i even bother. all i draw is garbage. even my best stuff is not good, it's fucking terrible. and i'm tired of pretending it's not. i have to imagine people are just laughing and mocking my shit behind my back. even thinking about the art people have gifted me, it just makes me feel worse. 1 of them i know for a fact was pure pity, they didnt even want to draw it, but their friend felt i was so pitiful that they'd get someone else to draw something for them. holy shit it's embarrassing being this fucking garbage. i'm surprised i even post stuff when all of it is garbage. should all just go to the scrapped folder. i fucking hate myself, ugh kill me. kll me. i cant do anything right. i'm going to ruin that as well, if i havent already. i'm sure they dont like me now, hell they probably never did. it's just pity, it's always pity. and they do nice things for me out of pity, so i feel i owe them. i didnt ask for that stuff. i'd prefer it if my garbage didnt get pity attention and reception. i'm gonna mention it once, stop fucking complaining about your shit not getting attention. grow the fuck up. if you're only doing this for the numbers, get the fuck off this site. i'm tired of hearing people complain about it, their shit get's more interactions and stuff when other peoples work far better get's no attention at all. who cares, i want to die i hate myself fucking everything. i am alone, i have no friends thats just a fucking fact. i serve no purpose on this earth. i would be better dead, at least i couldnt fuck anything else up that way

[coelakanths]

STEPHEN KING YOU SAY. HOW MANY HAVE YOU READ WHICH ONES WERE YOUR FAVORITE ,,, have you read blaze? I found it recently in used books, still havent gotten to it, but apparently he wrote it on a typing machine and then fargot about it it for like 1000 years hdhdh,, also hi hello also long time no see :>

HIIII THIS IS MUTUAL DAY NOW HI

ok so i am actually very very new to stephen king if you can believe it or not! i literally wrote a 29 page paper on horror literature last year and am just now actually touching stephen king novels!!! this is because im in a production of carrie the musical (im playing freddy hes comedic relief and my gf is playing carrie which i am just SO excited abt) so i had to read the book for table work purposes and i rlly just fell in love!!

im onto the shining now! it’s kinda slow going because i am so busy this year but i try to get a big chunk of reading done at least once a week. i got my copy from a little free library >:-) im enjoying it a lot even tho im not TOO far in yet!! blaze sounds rlly cool tho i think ill check out that one next :0 maybe we can read it at the same time (mutual book club anybody ?!)

idk if i have a favorite just bc I haven’t read enough but out of the book based movies ive seen, carrie is def my favorite. i also watched the shining (really good but i was so tired when i watched it that i kept dozing off AHSGA i need to rewatch it so bad), it (TOO LONG SORRY!!!!! but lots of cool visual effects), and pet sematary (fucking hated this one tbh). im curious to see how the book versions are different so i want to check all of them out but like. we’ll see LMAO

[lovelifelikeitsyourlastlife]

MAY 27

shit where to i start yesterday i meet up with junior my i wanna say first high school boyfriend that i had. and bruh i got high not super high but still high enough to feel it and we ended up having sex he wasnt playing when he said he was gonna be rough like it was alright we went at it for a good amount till i started bleeding and we stopped. but it was alright he did like over hyped how good and how “big” his dick was, honnestly Alan (joels friend) has been the biggest one of all of 12 guys ive had sex with and even then he still wasnt good enough to have me satified so to my concluion dick size doent play a factor in me being able to finally experiance an organism, so far the only guy so has even gotten me hella close to one was luis and he wasnt even fucking me he was just fingering me, if i wasnt so scared to let lose and really let myself have it im pretty sure i wouldve been able to expenaice an orgams all on my own many times by now with just masterbating, but my fear of not having control of my body is what ruins things for me, maybe thats also why when i get high i havent been able to enjoy it like i see people do in movies or videos because im just now calm or enjoying it, i stay trying to fight it , fighting to gain control. anyways the sex was alright i had better, but i not gonna tell him that. being high help at least not focus much on if i like it or not it acttually help me to just enjoy it, and not over think it, next time when i go back im not gonna smoke to see how the sex really is, with me being aware and conncuisse i might drink just so i dont be all shy and shit cause the weed also help with that it helped me be a little more open, also th fact that junior was actually making converation with me and asking me things. we were both high anyways so being quite really didnt matter cause we would both doze off like its the next day so bacally its been 24 hrs now and im barely feeling normal again so for the high to completely ware off and be out of my system its takes more then 24 hrs, while sully over was telling me how in an hr it was gonna ware off, speacking about sully, her and this whole “wedding” of hers is just unbelivebale my mom says shes once again just trying to make me jealous or something like that but like if that was true it isnt working cause shes not even in love everthing was planned like nothing was a surprice, like those are the best things about getting enganged and getting married shes litterly only geting married because she doesnt wanna be alone, cause shes tired of fucking with dudes that in her words shes tired of being a dumbass and giving assholes a chance but its no ones fault but hers not being easy and having guys not  respect her i stay telling her she needs to stop fucking guys who clealry are only trying to get in her pants marrige shouldnt be a just cause things especially if getting married at a church in front of god, marrgie should be with someone you truly love and see your life with them forever , not just because your tired of “assholes” like its as simple as just staying single and waiting on the right guy to come along who isnt gonna ask for sex right away, like for me once a guy askes for sex right away i dont take them sereious, if i want to ill still have se with them and they could possibale be able to win me over if they want something serious with me but that doesnt mean that ima give in super easy with just the first lovey doevy thing they do but idk its hard to explain my way of thinking.

[yourfavoritewerewolf]

well time to work out ig . . 

[salsa-di-pomodoro]

What's going on is im going insane over finals and volo seems to be the only source of seratonin my brain accepts. And submas i guess but you haven't complaimed about that

@salsa-di-pomodoro volo aint real please get over him

[fairycosmos]

so i might be going crazy but i keep imagining all these scenarios where im like. hanging out w my friends or doing smth by myself and imagining how nice it would be to do it w them or have a convo w them, watch a movie, etc etc and im even laughing by myself in my room

and i dont have a lot of friends just like 2 ppl i talk to semiregularly but we havent gotten that many chances to hang out this year

anyways its very weird and obsessive because its not even like daydreaming about a crush yk but i do it so much that i dont finish my work. bestie i am losing it

hii noo i feel like that's so common TBH and not something you need to pick apart / crucify yourself for. i do with it ppl i've never even met 😭 full on smiling and laughing imagining stuff. like always 0.2 seconds away from talking out loud to nobody lmfaooo. it's where i get any semblance of feeling cared for LOL. if we're being real i think having a small group of friends + the isolation of the pandemic and just life in general has rendered a lot of ppl to feel quite alone and this just sounds like a side effect of that. sounds like you're looking for more intimacy and genuine emotional connection, which is literally like. the most human thing in the world im so serious. there's nothing weird about you just because you want that, even though i understand why you feel kind of odd about the way it's manifesting itself.

if it's getting to the point where it's getting in the way of you functioning normally on a day-to-day basis, it could be becoming a form of maladaptive daydreaming. here's an overview of it and a few basic ways to start work on coping with it in a more productive way if it's really making you feel guilty, uncomfortablce etc. but anyway like i said i don't think you're going mad and i don't think you should bully yourself over it at all. this probably means nothing to anyone LOL but i see ppl on tiktok talking about doing this exact thing alllllll the time like it really isn't that far beyond the realms of "normal" or whatever. but ultimately i think what's going to help the most in the long run is trying to foster more connections with ppl + take advantage of the ones you already have in any way that you can through vulnerability and consistent communication with those who love you.

both of those things are wayyy easier said than done and yk i recognize that there's very little opportunity to meet like-minded ppl these days, and recognizing that that's the case - that it's not you, it's your situation - can do a lot for your self esteem imo. but i hope you can find some sense of community eventually, even online or something. personally im one mental breakdown a way from picking up a sport or something just so i see other ppl outside of a work/getting drunk setting bc the loneliness is aliveee at this point and im tired of it. ig what i'm sayinggggg lol is that i totally hear you and understand where you're coming from, and i think a lot of us do, so no worries. im officially diagnosing you with NOT losing it and being so fun and cool. mwah x

[the-heaminator]

Day 5 Pruk week,  Family/first kiss:

This is what inspired me to write one of my fics "but muum", but i havent gotten around to writing up to it yet, this will be added as a chapter later, but i think you should probably read the fic first to get a vague gist of what the fuck is going on, but this could perhaps be read as a standalone.

@prukweek

Both Arthur and Gilbert, to say the least, were a fucking adorable pair, everyone in the family and most out of it agreed.

And right now, in Arthur's incredibly tired state, and Gilbert in an emboldened one from his chat with Matthew, they were both in the same bed, as usual.

To anybody else two men sleeping in a bed together and cuddling was kinda gay, and it was kinda gay just the two had managed to put off admitting it for far too long and just about everyone was incredibly done with their shit.

Even fucking Ireland and Belgium who both had their little thing going in between them were done with their shit.

Being a man of both far too many and far too inhibitions, Arthur had decided to not sleep for about 3 nights straight, and aside from looking absolutely more undead than usual, sleep deprivation tends to make him more clingy, though only to people he trusts, otherwise. He becomes a whole other universe if grouchy, snapping at everyone and everything.

The rest if the family had managed to covince Arthur to lay the fuck down, and by convince i mean that Ireland and New zealand threatened to kill both him and Alfred with a spoon to get them to sleep, and in instead of risking a slow painful death from brain damage, they decided to actually go the fuck to sleep.

Matt had given Gilbert an encouraging thumbs up, Zee had given him a high and wished him luck, India gave him a look that said "teenagers" as if he wasn't nearly a thousand, well that was about a quarter of India's age.

Anyways Australia asked Gilbert to promise him, that if this worked he would treat Arthur well or he would be dead, and this was said with such honesty and actual familial love, that Gilbert swore on his own life, wondering how Arthur had managed to be blessed with such amazing children.

The British isles gave a similar sort of threat, but with concern for both, Dylan saying "I know he's a bastard, but he is very bad when it comes to matters of the heart, so please be gentle with him please."

Spoken like a true older brother, speaking for his entire emotionally constipated brood.

Denmark gave him a rather interesting text that detailed far too many things about the  Englishmans sex life that seemed to be written by France, why Denmark had the text was beyond him, also leaving him with a couple words of "encouragement", Denmark warned that if Arthur murdered him, he wont be paying for his funeral.

Gilbert knew this was the jest of a close friend, he was not dim enough to take it seriously, but as he apprehensively walked up the stairs and down the corridor to Arthur's room, he started to have second thoughts.

I mean I could always wait a few more days.

Or years.

Or centuries.

The thought of waiting much longer was so utterly miserable to Gilbert's mind that his psyche went.

Nah fuck it.

And allowed him to walk into the room where Arthur was decidedly not sleeping, somehow still awake enough to be tapping away at his laptop, though slower than usual, Gilbert approached him.

"Arthur, you really should sleep?" That was not what he wanted to come out at that moment but for once Gilbert did not have a plan and was (as some would say) going with the flow.

And currently the flow was about as smooth as the Volga in midwinter, which was to say that it was barely flowing at all, but when Arthur didn't move from his chair, Gilbert had to try a more imaginative approach.

"Come lay down, we can cuddle?" That sounded to fucking cheesy to Gilbert and Arthur looked at him, a little wistfully if he would say so himself, though it could very much just be a trick of the light.

"What makes it look like i *yawn* want to cuddle?" Arthur was speaking a bit too quick to be normal, great he was jacked up on caffeine too.

"Well, you're always cuddling me when you do sleep, and you look absolutely adorable." Ooh bit too direct, I hope he doesn't think in an ass or something.

"You're an ass Gilbert, you know that." 

WHAT DID I SAY, I KNEW HE WOULD SAY THAT.

Gil thought he fucked up good as Arthur's eyes travelled from him to the computer, back and forth as if to decide which would be more profitable for him, and to buy Arthur's and Gilbert's surprise, Arthur chose Gilbert.

Tips of his ears far too red Arthur grumbled "Don't get any ideas, I'm just tired." Before getting into bed and mentioning for Gilbert to join him after switching off his laptop, on some tab about trade reports and governmental deficits that seemed so frightfully boring.

The room now cloaked in darkness, and the house being unnaturally silent, even as everyone was awake, the two lay down on the bed together, as if they'd been doing this for centuries.

Which I mean they had but this time it felt a bit different.

Arthur on Gilbert's arm, a bit too close for Gilbert not to think that maybe Arthur actually did love him back, Gilbert's hand slowly going through Arthur's birds nest looking hair, slowly smoothing it out to some semblance of cleanliness before Gilbert, in an odd moment if courage, gave Arthur a chaste kiss on the forehead while both were still awake.

Usually if either ever did a kiss they were drunk or the other was asleep, but now both were very much within consciousness and lucidity.

Gilbert braced himself to get an earful from Arthur, perhaps him even getting out of bed in a huff, but none of that happened, instead Arthur seemed to be mentioning to kiss him again.

WHAT THAT ACTUALLY FUCKING WORKED WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUCK.

He repeated the kiss, this time it lasted a little longer, lingering for a second or two on Arthur's forehead, and if this wasn't such an odd situation Gilbert would have laughed at how the kiss immediately eased the tension within both of their bodies, but this was just too surreal to even be actually happening, and was miles away from Gilbert or Arthur being able to think full cohesive thoughts.

Finally, through a silence that could not be considered awkward, yet not considered incredibly comfortable either, one of them, Arthur, rasped "Gilbert...Gilbert why did you do that?" He sounded far more disbelieving than angry, yet Gilbert still thought he managed to mess something up.

"Shit shit shit, I'm sorry Arthur, really!"

Arthur looked at him, dead in the eye even in the dim light of the room, and seeing the actual fear and misery in his eyes, and the fluttering of his heart in his own chest, Arthur replied with "Why ever so?"

"I-I kissed you, are you not mad?"

"Why would I be Gilbert."

The room descended into silence again, this time loaded with tension and anticipation, which was shattered, rather brutally if I may add, by Arthur saying "Plus that was barely a kiss, let me show you how it's done."

With a surprising amount of agility from someone so sleep deprived, Arthur crashed his lips to Gilbert's, whose mind took a little longer to catch up with what his body was doing, too busy being distracted by this to respond immediately, god this felt so goodboth both their bodies so close together as they kissed.

But when he finally pushed back, he was not expecting such fervent from Arthur, he was even nipping Gilbert's lips as he deepened the kiss far beyond anywhere Gilbert had ever gone younger exploring Gilbert's slack mouth.

The poor soul had had around 3 romantic kisses in his life and was not prepared for this at all, Arthur tasted like coffee and tea with the vaguest taste of old cigarettes

Finally separating, both breathing hard, Gilbert whispered, a garbled mix of English and German "that was amazing."

Arthur looked both very embarrassed and incredibly relieved, one would after waiting so long and having it all come down like this was incredibly satisfying for the both of them.

Arthur slid off Gilbert, tucking himself back in the blanket as if nothing happened, as Gilbert's mind raced at a million miles an hour. Which started to exceed the speed of light as Arthur snuggled up close to him and fell asleep almost immediately, after mumbling, so quietly that Gilbert could barely hear it.

"I love you."