#and it's the only one of the trilogy i ever have the desire to rewatch (and i've only seen it twice at this point but still)

[holden-norgorov]

An Apologia to BEFORE MIDNIGHT (2013)

I've just finished rewatching for the umpteenth time the spectacular work of art that is The Before Trilogy, and since I've discovered it I have always refrained myself from writing about it because of my inability to put into words the beauty and the depth behind the meaning that these three films have progressively acquired for me.

But this time I'm going to try to say something for the sake of those who believe the screenplay to have failed in portraying Jesse and Celine’s personalities and gone out of character in this third installment – which I feel particularly compelled to defend as it's, in my opinion, not only the best entry in the trilogy, but also one of the best movies ever made, significantly thanks to the way the couple's characterization brilliantly builds up on two-decades of long cinematic work and collaborative effort and climaxes with an egregious payoff. I hope that reading about how I interpret the way Before Midnight blends in perfect harmony with Before Sunrise and Before Sunset may at least partially redeem the film for those of you who were left dissatisfied or disappointed by the decrease in naive idealism and dream-like romance.

WARNING: Detailed spoilers of all three movies under the cut.

Even though I think it’s quite easy at first to find a bit jarring the evident, apparently sudden change in Jesse and Celine's dynamic – reacting with a kind of discomfort that is clearly something the screenplay wants to induce in the audience, which is not accostumed to revisit Jesse and Celine after they have spent almost a decade together and studying each other inside out – I also think it quickly becomes clear that what Before Midnight aims to do, with regards to characterization, is to take all the most irritating and unpleasant shades Jesse and Celine had always had within themselves, whose seeds were planted and indeed palpable, albeit romanticized, in Sunrise (despite both characters trying their best to keep them hidden beneath a deeply self-conscious need to foster the spark of their newfound connection and perform the attraction/seduction role-play) and aptly watered in Sunset, and throw them full-force to the viewers’ face, challenging their ability to still feel invested in the couple by appealing to the idea that even our favorite, most beloved people in the world can intimately be ugly, paradoxical, occasionally toxic as well as endearing at the same time, because that’s a hard truth about human nature and “this is real life, it’s not perfect but it’s real”.

To demonstrate that their characterization is actually coherent with everything that came before, I challenge you to think about Jesse and Celine in these terms: Sunrise makes it clear that they are both smart college graduates, fundamentally contemplative and opinionated intellectuals (or at least, proto-intellectuals) who share a hardwired desire to shape the world around them with their thoughts and ideas and an idealist outlook on the universe, time and the human condition. The trilogy explores, among other things, the way they react to the realization that the universe, time and the human condition can’t conform to their idealistic vision, but that they themselves have to find out how to conform to the universe, time and the human condition. What deeply sets Jesse and Celine apart, then, is the direction they decide to channel the resentment and deep-seated unfulfilling dread steaming from this bitter realization towards.

Jesse directs it towards himself, which turns him into a depressed writer who is never going to be satisfied no matter what happens into his life. In Sunset, the movie starts with Jesse talking about how everything is autobiographical and proceeding to announce the concept of his next book, which happens to feature a totally depressed guy whose dream is riding motorcycles trough South America, being a lover and adventurer who finds happiness “in the doing, not getting what he wants”, but who is instead “sitting at a marble table, eating lobsters with a beautiful wife and everything that he needs”. Later on, at the Parisian café, Jesse rants about being unable to be “in the moment”, about not enjoying any minute of his best-selling book tour and about how Buddhists may have a point when they talk about freeing themselves from desire – which Celine aptly identifies as a symptom of depression. And while Sunset seems to want to make you think that Jesse’s depression may stem from his unsatisfying family life, even hinting at the idea that Celine may be the cure to his condition, Midnight slaps you hard in the face and awakens you to the reality that even though Jesse did get what he wanted, he’s still more depressed than ever – in fact, it clarifies that Jesse’s depression is existential. Celine herself outwardly calls him out on it after he relates an anecdote about the twins fighting over a trampoline, when he refers to pettiness, jealousy and selfishness as “the natural human state”. He seems to quickly scrape her comment off in the moment as one of her exaggerations, but later on admits to his accuracy when he tells her, in the last scene of the movie, that he has struggled all his life connecting and being present with those he loves the most. Which brings us back to Sunrise and his confession about being an unwanted, neglected child who eventually kind of adjusted and took pride in viewing the world as “this place where I wasn’t meant to be”, or to the acknowledgement that he is sick of experiencing his life from his own point of view (“see, I’ve heard all these stories, so of course I’m sick of myself”). I truly believe, during the car ride at the beginning of Midnight, that Jesse is thinking about the same words of his father’s that he was confessing to Celine in Sunrise, when he says, talking about his own absence from his son’s life, “This is the one thing I promised myself I was never going to do, and now I look up and I’m doing it”. I really think it often goes underappreciated how tragic Jesse’s character actually is. The point of his character is that his own childhood abandonment trauma colored his conception and experience of the world, and about how that adds up to his intellectual inability to find peace and contentment in the moment, and about how both aspects flow into apparently inescapable patterns of self-repeated misery. He’s not just depressed: he’s doomed to depression. And the truth the movie points to is that, ultimately, Celine can’t change this foundational aspect of Jesse’s nature. She has, to an extent, to learn to live with it and accept it.

On the other hand, the same intellectual resentment and unfulfilling dread that Jesse directs within himself, Celine aggressively projects to the outside world. If Jesse is fundamentally depressed, Celine is fundamentally angry. Sunrise does a masterful job at carefully planting the seeds that testify how Celine is, at her core, defined by her anger, while simultaneously never allowing for that anger to truly come to the surface and take the audience out of the otherworldly romantic idealism of their night in Vienna. She talks about the unfairness of being unable to complain to nice and supporting parents; she says that everything pisses her off and proceeds to list several examples; she thinks it’s a healthy process to rebel against everything in her life right after admitting that she has been raised happily, loved and wealthy and doesn’t even know “who or what the enemy is”; quite revealingly, she tells an anecdote about a professional shrink experiencing her anger to the effect that, after a single session with her, she had to call the police in fear that Celine might actually carry out the story about killing her ex-boyfriend that she had written as a consequence of her morbid obsession with him. And maybe most importantly, the palm reader makes explicit to the audience what ends up being the central theme of Celine’s character in the trilogy: “you need to resign yourself to the awkwardness of life; only if you find peace within yourself, you’ll find true connection with others”. Sunset dares to shed quite a bit of the romantic aura that Celine was wrapped in during Sunrise where, despite all of this, she still managed to resemble a Botticelli angel, and lets her anger manifest more vividly in several moments. “The world is a mess right now!” she shouts right before a bitter political rant. She’s also deeply resentful towards Jesse who, despite her statement in Sunrise about not wanting to be “a great story” or a male fantasy, has basically decided to spectacularize their night together and sell Celine’s most intimate side to the masses. This is why Celine proceeds to lie about not remembering them having sex – she feels like Jesse has stripped her of agency and control over herself and officialized to the world a one-sided interpretation of their encounter – so she wants to reclaim ownership and hurt him at the same time (“knowing his weak points, what would hurt him, seduce him” she told him in Sunrise while talking about her habit of studying her boyfriends in order to grasp how to manipulate them). The existence of this fictionalized version of herself out in the world that she didn’t consent to, along with the death of her romantic outlook on life that prompts her notorious rant in the taxi, only makes it easier for her to allow her deep-seated anger to bubble up and start defining her. Which brings us to Midnight, where that anger is so consuming that it ends up being directed also at herself (she resents herself for failing to live up to her own expectations of both motherhood and feminism, and for letting herself be consumed by anger). She engages in a lot of borderline toxic behaviors – parental alienation (she sabotages Jesse’s ability to talk to Hank twice), false accusation and public shame (she mischaracterizes their conversation in the car at the dinner table and exposes Jesse’s private fantasy) and generic hurtful insults. Her problem with Jesse’s monopoly on how the world perceives her is as alive as ever, and she makes it a matter of relative status in the relationship. And last but not least, she also resents the world – and men – for women’s unjust impossibility to avoid having to make compromises that motherhood (or largely, the female condition) imposes on them, leading them to sacrifice leisure time or renounce to opportunities that our modern, fully technological world increasingly abounds with. In the same scene, in the hotel room, where Celine calls Jesse out for being depressed, he accuses her of seeing anger as a positive means to deal with life, and despite her refusal to concede the point in the moment, she ultimately admits to it in the last scene of the movie (“I’m an angry person and I hurt my kids, my work and everyone that I love”).

In a nutshell, we could sum up their characters as follows:

JESSE: idealized, intellectual approach to the world --> finds out about world’s imperfection --> blames himself --> existential depression.

CELINE: idealized, intellectual approach to the world --> finds out about world’s imperfection --> blames the world --> existential anger.

Particularly interesting, in this regard, is the role each of them plays in establishing the kind of path the other ends up taking. Jesse ultimately allows his depression to take over him as a consequence of Celine's decision to miss their agreed-upon second encounter six months after Sunrise, whereas Celine ultimately allows her anger to take over her as a consequence of Jesse's decision to circumvent her previously expressed wish and publish a book about the night they spent together in Vienna. In a way, they both sealed each other's existential fate in their quest for the connection they had once shared.

So, once you peel away all the layers in their characterization and identify the root core of their motivation, choices and actions, I don’t really think it’s possible to argue that they are out of character in Before Midnight. In fact, it feels like a perfect follow-up to its predecessors, designed to force the characters to confront the origin of their unhappiness and realize that they are not meant to be each other’s salvation. Just as Celine is going to have to accept Jesse’s depression as something he’s never going to be able to fully part with, Jesse is going to have to learn to deal with Celine’s unhealthy relationship with her own anger (“I’m not asking you to change, it’s called accepting you for being you”). This is where Ariadni’s words come to mind as the testament of the film – “this is what fucks us up, right? The idea of a soulmate coming to save us from taking care of ourselves”. The point of the movie is that Jesse can’t save Celine from herself, and Celine can’t save Jesse from himself – that real love, which is to say real life, is not about that.

Another quite common form of criticism that I don't get is the annoyance at the movie being willing to occasionally be critical of feminism, or explore perspectives outside of the feminist lens – particularly with Jesse's character, whose detachment from and derision of Celine's overstated feminist apologia apparently strikes to many people as a betrayal to his characterization in the previous installments. But first of all, I don’t think there's any evidence that Jesse was ever portrayed as a feminist in the previous movies – and even if he had been, how can a change in one’s own ideology or outlook on life through an eighteen-years-long experience result in an “out of character” portrayal? People change. Ideologically and politically, I’m almost a completely different person than I was three years ago. Does that make me out of character? I don't think so. But that said, many seem to move from the assumption that Sunrise and Sunset were feminist movies in the first place, which I also disagree with. In Sunrise itself, when the topic of gender comes up for the first time between the two, Jesse points out the paradoxical nature of some common female behaviors and raises a biologically-rooted counterpoint to Celine’s obviously University-derived socially constructivist outlook. Nothing about that screams “feminist” to me.

On a sidenote, though, I find incredibly illuminating Jesse’s response to Celine’s rant about female sacrifice in the hotel room scene. He sharply brings up her privileged upbringing (she actually spent her whole childhood “travelling around the world while her father built buildings” and was raised “with all the freedoms he had fought for”, as she herself said to him in Sunrise), which starkly contrasts both with his own childhood of neglect and psychological abuse and therefore with her feminist axiomatic ideas of male privilege and female oppression, and then he mentions a specific historical male-only obligation (the military draft) to swiftly rebuff her claims. She calls him an asshole, but has no real counterargument to throw back at him other than some mockery. This writing choice was actually so clever that I had to pause the movie a moment and think back about Jesse’s character. Then it occurred to me: Jesse’s been divorced and likely lost custody of his son after a strenuous legal battle with his ex-wife that both he and Celine refer to multiple times during the film. He had to spend years travelling back and forth trying to escape the dreadful destiny of turning into his own father and dealing with a progressively litigious ex-wife who apparently exploited Celine’s pregnancy and the notoriously skewed U.S. legal system to make Jesse’s attempt at remaining present in his son’s life extremely difficult – all of this while still managing to maintain some kind of sympathy from the viewers, who know she’s been wronged and cheated on by her ex-husband. The screenplay of this movie is excellent to the point of being able to condense into a single line a character’s entire lived experience and approach to things. That amazing line from Jesse about the “trenches of the Sorbonne” not only reminds the audience that he’s not a feminist; it also reveals that he’s quite versed in (and therefore accostumed to) anti-feminist talking points. Which is incredibly accurate and realistic for an American man who has found himself having to deal with custody issues – as Celine rightly points out, “I guess judges assume that women have the mother instinct”.

The fact that Jesse’s lived experience makes him critical of feminism doesn’t mean that Celine’s own lived experience is invalid, though – nor does it mean that the movie itself is anti-feminist. And there lies the brilliance of the film. Celine’s deeply-held feminist views are still entertained and tested in their validity. She is allowed to be a feminist through and through and voice her ideas, often with incredibly powerful weight and resonance – in fact, two of Celine’s best and most poignant lines in the whole movie are "The world is fucked by unemotional, rational men deciding shit" and “You know what I love about men? They still believe in magic”. Most of the film's detractors just seem upset that those ideas are not presented by the movie as golden nuggets of truth that shouldn’t be subjected to scrutiny or falsification, or treated by the screenplay as axioms that should automatically be taken for granted by everyone. I also think having Jesse laugh at Celine exposing her worries about rape to be, once again, incredibly realistic – it highlights how there will always be some level of incomprehension between the sexes, and how men will never be fully able to put themselves in women’s shoes when it comes to truly understand and empathize with that kind of fear and vulnerability. It basically testifies men’s impossibility to live the female experience.

Moreover, the same detractors that lament their disappointment at the “lack of feminism” in the movie also seem to take umbrage at Celine being portrayed as profoundly human in her complexities, which strikes me as quite the paradox. Women can be as toxic and problematic as men, albeit often in different ways. It’s Celine’s own imperfection that truly makes her a great female character. The argument underneath this criticism seems to be that a female character who engages in problematic behaviors drawing from the ugliest side of human nature does a disservice to feminism – which I guess you might think, if your feminist belief assumes that only men can really be toxic and problematic with the other sex purely out of selfish reasons. It’s quite clear to me that a socially constructivist perspective on life and the world is informing these people's judgment on the movie and the characters, whose raw realism and unfiltered humanity they seem to find ideologically inconvenient.

I have to say I’m also baffled by some people's characterization of the argument scene in the hotel room as “boring”, or an example of “classic middle-aged couple problems" film. It’s anything but, in my opinion. I find it some of the best cinema I have ever seen, with directorial choices, a screenplay and acting performances so high-ranking and engrossing that I was left mouth wide open, with so many shades and aspects that I’d never seen any other “marriage movie” seriously bring up, let alone face. I could never give justice to the excellence of that scene with words. Similarly, I’m stunned by the recurring claim that the dialogue in this movie feels forced and pretentious, given the fact that this is uncontestably the less philosophical, more grounded script of the three. Even though I also don’t agree with those who claim that Jesse and Celine were ever pretentious, I can see how Sunrise could definitely give that impression at specific moments – though the actors’ chemistry and talent were always able to hide any artificiality as much as possible. But Sunset and Midnight particularly flow with such a spontaneous and natural rhythm, as well as flawless acting expertise, that it almost seems a criminal act to press pause during the film. This specific claim seems particularly paradoxical given the fact that the same people who complain about this simultaneously express dissatisfaction with the absence of the kind of idealistic, philosophical talk that the characters had with each other when they met for the first time – which could have easily sounded pretentious if it had been delivered by lower-skilled actors. As if, by the way, the lack of that kind of magic between the two wasn’t completely intentional and exactly the point Midnight is making, particularly when it comes to what Celine laments as her own forced sacrifice of existential discussions in favor of seemingly unending, practical maternal tasks. This is a movie where Jesse says that he misses hearing Celine think, and Celine replies that her thoughts now smell like shit. Not only is the Leopardi-esque “Death of the Illusions” one of the main themes of the film, it’s also an inevitability in the relationship between two formerly idealistic intellectuals who now have to deal with their own existential dread while at the same time raising a family together and being deprived of the luxury they used to have of closing the world outside of their time-constrained connection.

About the ending scene of the movie, I admit that it had to grow on me. On my first watch I didn’t really know what to think about it, mainly because I was still recovering from the brutality of their fight in the hotel room. But the more I rewatched the movie, the more it made sense, and now I find it not only extremely fitting but also kind of brilliant. The couple’s destiny is also once again left up to interpretation and not at all cemented in a definite trajectory like I've often seen being implied. At the same time, the trilogy comes full circle by having Jesse impersonate the time-travelling role-play that won Celine over during Sunrise, and consequently by evoking in the audience a comparison between the state of Jesse and Celine’s relationship now to that of the German couple who, likewise apparently in their 40s, had prompted Celine’s decision to change seat in the train and sit opposite Jesse, reinforcing that very idea of “awkwardness of life” that the palm reader advised Celine to resign herself to in order to find true happiness. As such, the ending solidifies the idea that genuine relationships take work to function, and that true happiness has to be found in carrying that work out ("in doing, not getting what you want"). Jesse realizes this and demonstrates that he’s willing to do the work to rekindle a kind of spark and magic that can exist outside of the transformative influence of time. Celine also eventually acknowledges this, and closes the film showing her own willingness to put in her own share of the work. "It’s not perfect, but it’s real."

Overall, this movie is a masterpiece, a milestone in romance and independent cinema and, as far as I'm concerned, the bar that any film intimately interested in the exploration of the human experience and the creation of solid characterization has to outdo.

This trilogy is History, and as such I will forever treasure it and pass it on. Thank you Richard Linklater, Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy for such a gift. Ad maiora.

[naysaltysalmon]

8 shows to get to know you

I was tagged by @emiliosandozsequence​!!💖

Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood – I don’t think this one comes as a surprise to anyone who knew me before 2015. This was the show that got me into anime, the show that got me on Tumblr, and one of the most perfectly constructed stories to exist. So much of who I am is attributed to this show. Edward Elric’s determination even in the face of impossible adversity has helped me in so many ways since I watched this in middle school. I have watched this series at least 8 times over. The story and characters are perfectly cyclical, and the darker elements are completely earned. If you haven’t watched this show yet and you like anime, what are you even doing?

Hunter x Hunter (2011) – This is probably my favorite anime of all time and I highly doubt anything will ever top it (FMAB is a close second). This show carried me through some really depressing times in high school and early college. I made unforgettable friends in this fandom; my most popular fanfic to date is from this fandom. HxH destroyed everything I thought I knew about how narratives and characterization work. Every character is so 3-dimensional despite the seemingly simplistic storytelling. The animation is beautiful, the plot and characters are so endearing and sublimely constructed. Despite watching the entire series at least 4 times over, certain character moments will never stop me from crying for just how much these characters and this series means to me.

Spongebob Squarepants – What is there to say about Spongebob. The zany atmosphere, the absolute buffoonery. I would not be the master of meme humor I am today if not for Spongebob. I have no idea who I would be in general without Spongebob. As always, this counts for earlier seasons more than later ones, but my point still stands.

Fairly Odd Parents – Unfortunately, given its shitty creator and shittier new seasons, I hate mentioning this one at all now, but it’s true. Timmy Turner’s home situation and unflappable desire for mischief and adventure never failed to draw me in as a kid. I often wished I had my own fairy godparents to get me in and out of trouble, being the lonely kid I was. Timmy Turner is probably one of the first fictional characters I saw myself in in general, paving the way for the insanity of many others.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars – No one goes as hard as The Clone Wars when it comes to turning a meme-y prequel trilogy into some of the most powerful, compelling, and emotional storytelling to exist on TV. I already really liked Star Wars as a kid, and even the prequel trilogy, and yet I didn’t get around to watching this show until it was on Netflix in 2016. It changed my life; of course, Ahsoka Tano had a huge part in that. I expected her to be just another cartoon protagonist who would contribute to the fall of Anakin in some way, but what actually ended up happening and who she became completely floored me with its development à la Episode III. It’s so empowering to watch, and brilliant to behold its methodical unfolding.

Garden of Sinners – I have only watched this show twice, but both times it changed me as a person. Despite watching it originally in middle school, it has stuck in my mind as one of the most beautiful pieces of art I have ever experienced. That still holds true. I recently rewatched it in January. Shiki is such a nuanced, tragic, and compelling character. The dark topics addressed in the series are treated with a depth and nuance that I have seldom seen anywhere else. This series has really impacted how I approach storytelling to this day in my own writing, something I didn’t realize until this year. It’s not a show I remember all the details of, and yet so much of it defines my tastes and style now.

Helluva Boss – Listen, if you haven’t watched Helluva Boss yet, and you like profane language and adult animation, you’re missing out, man. Not only is this show absolutely hilarious with that kind of zany, dark, and random humor I enjoy, but the characters are so endearing and entertaining. The animation is unique and colorful. The latest episode (s2 ep3) really got to me, as did s1 eps6 and 7. Not every episode is an amazing hit, but this is the shit when it comes to indie and adult animation y’all, and if you haven’t watched it, you should go do that right now.

The Untamed (2019) – What can I even say about The Untamed at this point. I started watching it in September 2021 with a friend as a joke. It’s really hokey. The lighting is terrible. Some of the plot makes no fucking sense. But the acting is really good. And I was going along, thinking to myself “wow this plot is really stupid.” And I was right. It is really stupid. And then I got to the end, and the unreliable narrator villain reveals he’s actually a poor little meowmeow, and he’s the one who killed his divorcee clan leader husband. Oh my. And he goes off on a glorious homosexual rant about it. My heart. I must now dedicate my entire fanfiction career to this little meowmeow, and let me say, I have few regrets. I feel my writing scope and ability went from 10 to 100 in the span of a year thanks to this meowmeow. The rest of the show is fun now too, but god, I’m really only here for Jin Guangyao (and his husbands).

The only live-action show on this list is The Untamed. If that doesn’t tell you something about my tastes and my particular brand of insanity... I don’t know what will. Feel free to fill this out if you want!!

Tagging: @stupidbluejay​ @miricactusito​ @mattbear-music-nz​ @jackshade21​ @lizard-dumbass @arrysa-clair @wifiwuxians​ @dogs-are-rad​

[konstantya]

Here are some links that support this (one is from a now-defunct online magazine, hence the archive.org link).  They aren’t perfect analyses, but they’re still worthwhile reads in my opinion.

https://confusedgender.wordpress.com/2012/05/09/batman-returns-and-fairytale-feminism-michelle-pfeiffers-catwoman-is-no-sex-kitten/

https://web.archive.org/web/20130607203646/http://www.fempop.com/2012/06/26/the-batman-project-batmans-feline-adversary-purrfected-1992/

https://forums.superherohype.com/threads/sexuality-in-batman-returns-an-analysis.341665/

AND NOW FOR SOME CONTEXT BELOW THE CUT:

Back in 2008, I went and saw The Dark Knight in theaters with a friend.  I was more of a casual Batman fan than anything, and was pretty unfamiliar with/indifferent to Christopher Nolan’s work, but I’d seen Batman Begins on DVD and liked it well enough, so when she asked me if I wanted to tag along to the sequel, I said sure, why not?  Overall I enjoyed it (particularly Heath Ledger’s performance, unsurprisingly), but I did have some problems with it, even then.  Thrilling as it had been, I did think it was too long, with some pacing/structure issues toward the back end.  (I distinctly remember sitting in the theater, sometime after *SPOILER ALERT* Rachel dies, and thinking, “Jesus, how many times is this movie going to end???”  BECAUSE PACING/STRUCTURE ISSUES, Y’ALL.  Potentially unpopular opinion (or has it become cool to hate on Christopher Nolan now?--idk, guys; I never really cared about his films enough to bother with The Nolan Discourse, as it were), but I don’t think the film would be nearly as well-regarded as it was/is if it didn’t feature Heath Ledger as the Joker.)

Anyway, in hindsight, the biggest impact The Dark Knight had on me was probably inspiring me to go back and watch the Burton/Keaton installments.  I was old enough to remember the hype surrounding Batman Returns when it came out, and I’m sure I caught bits and pieces of each on cable at some point(s) in my youth, but I don’t think I’d ever actually seen them all the way through.  I certainly hadn’t seen them all the way through as an adult, and as I didn’t really have a lot of nostalgia tied up in them and was also capable of critical thinking at this point in my life, I’ll admit, I was curious.)

I don’t exactly know what I was expecting, but I do remember being profoundly struck by 1.) the set design/overall style of both films, and 2.) the blatant feminist overtones of Michelle Pfeiffer’s Catwoman.  (Even now, it still kind of blows my mind.  I mean, sure, those overtones are kind of complicated by the fact that Pfeiffer is running around in what is essentially sexy fetish gear, but still!  Her character arc is literally--see the above pic--an anti-patriarchal revenge fantasy.  Has that ever happened in a legit big Hollywood blockbuster before?  Has it ever happened since?  Will it ever happen again?)

Fast forward to December of 2012, when I finally got around to seeing The Dark Knight Rises, and I found myself repeating the process--getting curious about the Burton/Keaton films, and wondering how they held up to the Nolan/Bale ones in comparison.  I realized I actually enjoyed the earlier films a hell of a lot more (despite what you might arguably call a campy datedness) and found them infinitely more rewatchable, and started to really dig deep into why that was.  (A few choice reasons in no particular order: the previously-mentioned set design/style, Michelle Pfeiffer’s Catwoman, Danny Elfman’s score(s), Michael Keaton’s mouth, and the fact that Vicki Vale doesn’t get fridged.)

I started writing up a whole analysis/dissertation about why the Burton/Keaton films are, in my humble opinion, better than the Nolan/Bale ones, including a big segue about Michelle Pfeiffer and how her Selina Kyle/Catwoman is THE BEST, I DON’T CARE HOW DIFFERENT SHE IS FROM THE COMICS, SHE MAKES HER CLAWS OUT OF SEWING IMPLEMENTS, SHE’S LITERALLY WEAPONIZING THESE TRADITIONALLY FEMININE THINGS, SHE’S FUCKING INSANE WITH RAGE AND SHE HAS SMOKIN’ HOT CHEMISTRY WITH MICHAEL KEATON BESIDES (they apparently once dated IRL, who knew?).  Ultimately, though, I didn’t get very far.  Much as I’d like to finish it one of these days, it’s doubtful I ever will, but yet another recent rewatch has renewed my love/interest in the film, so I figured I’d share the above links I’d collected way back when.  Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this anecdote (and the links?), pfft.

[annerbhp]

hi! this is a bit random, but what are your opinions on pride and prejudice?

I love Pride and Prejudice in all its iterations. I have probably read at least 50 published P&P variations/retelling and such. In fact, I just finished Pride and Prejudice and Other Flavors by Sonali Dev this weekend! I love all the movies/series too. And the fic! And possibly the greatest re-make of all time: The Lizzie Bennet Diaries. (Which has its own amazing amount of fic.)

I think the ultimate magic is that first read/watch (which for me was the 1995 miniseries version), where you just LOATHE Darcy all the way through and the proposal is like OMG WTF, and then the slow magic of you having to completely reconsider every single thing you though and the way you took every scene, and then an immediate rewatch/reread reveals how DIFFERENT everything is with your knowledge of Darcy’s feelings. It’s just...magical. Also, I appreciate Lizzie and her pert opinions, and her being wrong about things but amending them, and Darcy truly taking himself to task and making real change, not so he can have Lizzie, but because it’s the man he wants to be. Just....yes. And I love anything where glances and hand holding and standing near each other is the height of emotional tension.

Two of my fave fics: Miss de Bourgh in Bath and The Part of Her Hair

I am Joining All My Thoughts to You by tosca1390  (P&P, Lizzy/Darcy) “You are pretty, my Lizzy, but you must not be so quick to speak your mind!” Great little snippet of Lizzy and Darcy during their engagement

My fave published P&P spin offs:

Fitzwilliam Darcy, Gentleman Trilogy (An Assembly Such As This, Duty and Desire, and These Three Remain) by Pamela Aidan Great retelling of Pride and Prejudice from the point of view of Darcy. Really great look into his motivations, his misinterpretations of Lizzie’s behavior, and his character development. (Not to mention that the vague promise of a fourth book dealing with Miss Darcy’s future made me so excited, even though it has yet to materialize.) The second book wanders a bit from the traditional scope of P&P, but explains Darcy’s change of heart rather well.

Mr. Darcy Takes a Wife and Darcy & Elizabeth by Linda Bedroll A big warning up front, this is the Pride & Prejudice for those who don’t mind a little marital romping. Or rather a heck of a lot of romping. Basically anywhere Elizabeth and Darcy can get away with it, and even some places they probably shouldn’t be able to but do anyway. The book swerves into melodrama and cliché at points (particularly the second book), but I love it too much to care. Here is an Elizabeth still sparkling with wit, a Darcy fighting darker elements of his personality, and an evolving marriage with all the bumps and moments of adoration you would expect without the romantic lobotomy so often seemingly required in this genre. I enjoy both of these and re-read quite often, but I get that these are not to everyone’s taste.

Mr. Darcy Presents His Bride by Helen Halstead This novel is chock full of the unspoken, the restrained, the misunderstandings, and the wit that I so love about the original. This is not the book with steamy sex scenes, but rather titillating scenes of the most treacherous ground ever—the drawing room. I particularly love the evolution of the other characters around the main couple as well, particularly Georgiana and Kitty. They traverse their own romantic grounds and entangle themselves in real, heartfelt situations that feel true to their characters. If you only give one Pride & Prejudice sequel a chance, make it this one.

The Last Man in World by Abigail Reynolds I know, I know. I basically couldn’t even finish a lot of Abigail Reynolds’ other Pemberley Variations, as she calls them, but this one out of the bunch I actually quite enjoyed. It is still a bit overly melodramatic at points, the characters a bit two-dimensional, but my major complaint about her other books, the hyper-sexualization of the two unmarried characters, is not a problem since they are married from the very beginning. It’s not perfect, but it’s an enjoyable read. Think of this as my indulgent pick. Angst and misunderstandings, oh my!

There is so much more, including Lizzie Bennet Diaries fic recs, but I will leave it here for now. :)

[i-am-just-a-kiddo]

favourite male fictional characters

Thank you @vishcount​ for tagging me, this was a lot of fun! 💞 I originally planned to follow your example and put ten characters here but suddenly it became a lot more oops. also i hope you forgive me for following your format, it’s neat 

I am tagging @isabellaofparma​ , @the-cloud-whisperer​ and @sassyassassy​!

I chose the characters that impacted me deeply on a personal level throughout my life (often shown by how long my love lasts over the years and if i was inspired to write for them). 

In no specific order under the cut: 

Legolas

The Lord of The Rings, J.R.R. Tolkien. 

I think it’s only fitting I start off with this magnificent guy. Maybe I gotta admit, i’ve just had a crush on him ever since I was like, nine years old? He’s the character I will fight tooth and claw for (though I guess he doesn’t need me to do that). I love Orlando Bloom’s portrayal of him, eventhough he is vastly different from the books. Book Legolas is such a delight as well, he feels so whimsical and playful and his banter with Gimli is just gold. I was sad when The Hobbit trilogy came out and I was so disappointed by how they butchered his character, it just did not feel authentic anymore (maybe I am also just bitter about the forced hetero storyline for him. makes no cents, this elf is GayTM your honour. and he will meet his soulmate Gimli in a few decades).  Either way, Legolas is the love of my life, thanks for coming to my tedtalk,

Peter Pan 

Peter Pan, J. M. Barrie

Another childhood crush of mine. The gif I chose if from the 2005 movie because we always used to watch it and it is to this day one of my favourite movies. It’s so dreamy, so magical, yet also incredibly sad and sweet.  I have this very strange fascination with Peter Pan. There is something incredibly unsettling about him, especially in the book. He represents something every child wants - who doesn’t want to escape their bedroom and fly away to experience magical adventured far from the adult world? And yet he also represents the impossibility of it, the curse he carries around with himself because he will forever stay alone, no matter how many lost boys he gathers around himself. And Wendy - it’s a love that was never meant to grow and mature, it’s a fleeting dream for the both of them.  I have seen many different adaptations of Peter Pan and I have my favourites, though I want to give a special mention to the book Peter Darling by Austin Chant. It’s a retelling of the story how we know it, in which Peter returns to Neverland after having finally grown up BUT the main points I want to highlight is trans Peter? Heck yes. Gripping and compelling gay love story with our favourite original lost boy Captain Hook? YES. 

Snufkin

Moomins, Tove Jansson.

I have discovered Snufkin for myself only last year, and yet I know he will stay with me forever. In short - I vibe with him, he vibes with me. His anxieties about being with people and longing for solitude? His fear of being loved and being important to someone to a point he doesn’t know what to do with himself? This man just wants to roam freely with his own mind and yet he always returns for something that captures him. Mum, I love him because I have rarely felt this seen before. Also, Snufkin said ACAB. 

Prince Jing - Xiao Jingyan

Nirvana in Fire (2015)

This too is a darling I have only discovered recently. I watched Nirvana in Fire this year and let me tell you, it’s the best show I have seen in a long while. It’s absolutely amazing and it also ripped my heart out. All the characters are absolutely amazing and I am still not over it.

To be honest, I contemplated between Xiao JIngyan and Mei Changsu, because character-wise I think the latter is a lot more interesting and compelling. He makes for a fantastic heartbreaking and flawed protagonist.

However I have to admit - it was love at first sight with Prince Jing for me and I’m still lowkey mad abt it rip. Seems like I am not immune to Pretty Prince Propaganda. But apart from that, I adore him for his genuine

goodness,

his almost naive drive to be better and seek justice. He lost everything, and for the longest time did not have anything to fight for. So alone and lost and bitter, it makes me sad how much it hardened him. He is heartbreak and clumsy kindness hidden under a skin of scars that was inflicted by his father and many others. I see his sad cat-eyes and I cry, that’s just how it is.

Edmund Pevensie

The Chronicles of Narnia, C. S. Lewis

I grew up with these books and movies - they have always been part of my life and it will probably always stay that way (only last night I rewatched the first movie and sobbed).  Imagine my surprised when I finally watched the last movie about five years ago and was incredibly impressed by how they adapted the book; also imagine my brain suddenly going CASMUND in bold letters at Skandar Keynes’ and Ben Barnes’  performance in that movie.  From there, I rediscovered this story completely anew for myself. My favourite Pevensie sibling has always been Lucy (and still is, because I identify with her so much and she feels like home to me); however this new discovery of Edmund’s character was overwhelming. It’s interesting to see characters you’ve grown up with from a more grown up point of view. I don’t want to lay out all my thoughts here, just know I am so heartbroken for him, and so so proud as well. His character arc is amazing and maybe that’s how the last movie makes me even more emotional. Seeing Edmund and Lucy still holding on to Narnia but knowing that that door was closing for them? Not to mention what happens in the later books (we don’t talk about that).  Also did I mention Casmund. Here, have my incredibly emo and depressing take on Edmund’s character that I started writing four years ago and which will forever stay a WIP. 

Nie Huaisang

The Untamed (2019)

My son. My soul. My bane of existence. The tragic thing about him is, that he does not really exist in canon as I have created him for myself. He’s a secondary character in the show, always so relatable yet still brings the ultimate twist of the story, yet he still remains this incomplete shadow. The movie

Fatal Journey

gave him a lot more and I cried tears of joy and devastation. I don’t know why I latched on to him so much, but apparently he is the one that I project on, the one that feels like he sits somewhere inside my chest. I don’t know what else to say - this year he has been everything to me. I spend a lot of time in his head while writing, and maybe that’s how he’s there forever now. Nie Huaisang saw my brain and went it’s free real estate. All my love for you, you dramatic art hoe.

Sherlock Holmes

Sherlock Holmes, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Ah, another lifelong companion. There are many adapations that I adore - starting from the origin of it all, the books and stories which I have all devoured; the 80s adaptation with Jeremy Brett which was incredibly wonderful; to BBC Sherlock which shaped and traumatised me (I still like the first three seaons but I am too hurt to think about it); to the numerous movies -  but by far my most favourite performance is Basil Rathbone as Sherlock Holmes. Somehow he manages to capture the Holmes I see in my head when I read the books, the sharp yet polite eccentric detective, who loves his companion so much and who has desire to help others.  Sherlock Holmes will always stay special to me, in so many different ways. He shaped my youth and I know he will stay with me. (also what would you say when I told you he helped me discover that I can, in fact, be queer AND ace at the same time? thanks pal).  What else is there to say? Sherlock Holmes is a universe that you can dive into and find many amazing treasures. 

Isak Valtersen 

SKAM (2015)

There he is, the boy that changed my life. SKAM changed my life. All of the characters did. However, Isak is special for many, as I imagine. I remember winter 2016, when tumblr was flooded by these norwegian white boys kissing in a pool and cuddling and I was like ‘nah’, this doesn’t look convincing.  I don’t know what changed my mind but I remember sitting down at last and watching all that was released of season three and it was only downhill from there. I remember starting to follow the real life updates religiously while watching the other previous seasons in between. The one clip that completely wrecked me was when Isak went to the school nurse about his struggles with sleep - it felt like for the first time I saw someone on screen that could understand me on so many different levels. The entierty of seaons three is so personal, I would tell you to go watch it if you don’t know what I mean. The entire show in fact. It’s a masterpiece and it feels so real. This show impacted my life in a way that no show has managed to do before. I miss it so much. I miss Isak too sigh. 

Shang Xirui

Winter Begonia (2020)

Technically, for me personally, Shang Xirui is the nonbinary, gay and ace representation I need in my life (or at least that’s my own personal take on him), but since that is not official, he’s still here on this list. Of course he is because wow, it’s been a long while since I’ve seen such a compelling character on screen. I went from disliking him to being absolutely heartbroken over him. I don’t think any other character in this show captured me as much as he did. There are so many layers to him and discovering all of his sides is a wonderful, heartbreaking, painful and also beautiful journey. I’m not sure I understand all of him yet, but I am willing to try and dig and just ponder his existence. This too, is a perfect example for a flawed yet authentic protagonist. Also he is the most beautiful thing on this planet, or at least that’s how I have been feeling ever since I watched this. I wish to write more of him in the future. 

Aang

Avatar: The Last Airbender (2005)

I grew up watching ATLA and my favourite characters have always been Toph, Zuko and Uncle Iroh. In recent years however, I completely fell in love with Aang all anew. 

I think especially in the past, I had these prejudices against main characters and found them all the most boring personalities ever. In recent years this changed a lot and especially Aang is a prime example for that. Watching him from the perspective of older me, I find so much wisdom in this young boy. Somehow he represents all I wish to be in my life but at the same time he shows his flaws, he carries this sadness with him that will accompany him all his life. This inner battle and chaos that he has to face day to day and in the end - he is just a young boy. So much has been taken from him and yet he learns how to not let it overtake him, that anger and hurt. He tries his hardest to be better than the day before, even if sometimes the world crashes down on him and he gets overwhelmed. He is a child recruited by adults to manage their mistakes and play into the hands of predestined fate and in this essay I will -

Harry Potter 

Harry Potter, J.K. Rowling

I am surprised myself. I thought I would put Fred and George here, or Remus and Sirius, however I realised that none of them quite capture this feeling of lifelong change, of personal, deep impact that Harry had on me. 

As with Aang above, I used to think Harry was the most boring protagonist, yet my opinion took a 180° turn in the past years. Many of the things I wrote for Aang apply to him too - the fact that he was a child, that lost so much, and was always faced with challenges that a child should never have needed to face. Something I want to address is how my favourite book, The Order of the Phoenix, lays all of this out. Harry is just as flawed, just as vulnerable and angry as anyone else. I know some people did not like his ‘emo behaviour’ in the fifth book but for me it just showed how human he is, how he was just a teen like myself at that time. As for many, this boy shaped my entire life, shaped a generation, and I will forever be grateful. I’m sad and angry at how J*R behaves, and how she puts us in the position of doubting our love for these stories. I know I will always love them, but I will not turn a blind eye on all the problematic shit is carries with itself and what the author piles upon us. 

Lan Wangji & Wei Wuxian 

The Untamed (2019)

I will try and keep this short, because if you want to read my thoughts about Wangxian just go to my ao3 and find the  over 70k i wrote for them.  I decided to put them here together because I can’t seperate them and I can’t choose between them. Each of them carries something I recognise in myself, and each of them is the opposite of me. They each own my heart and soul and I know there will never be a fictional couple like this for me ever again. They’ve snuck their way into my heart and have never left. They deserve to be here, together, because my love for them is indescribable. Bless them.  + Bonus:

The Doctor

Doctor Who (1963/2005)

Technically, the Doctor doesn’t count as a “male” character, but since he has been presenting as male up until recently, I needed to include him. I chose the Tenth Doctor because he is the one that broke my heart the most. I adored Nine but he was there too short, and I do love Eleven and Twelve a lot, and Thirteen absolutely owns my heart, Ten has just always been the one that made me cry the most. I loved this era of Doctor Who, I loved how sad and hopeful he was, how heartbroken and yet determined to help wherever it was needed. Doctor Who is always that show, when I return to it, I am reminded that maybe, humanity and the universe isn’t all that bad. 

phew, this took ages damn. but i had so much fun! i decided to leave out honorable mentiones because we would be sitting here until tomorrow lol. 

[curlytemple]

alrighty @scottspack here i am to show my ass 

top 10 ships tag! these aren’t “in order” but #1 is #1 

1. cory and topanga! (boy meets world) my very first thought when given this prompt, theyre the blueprint! they are just BABIEs when they meet and they already Know each other. i will not pretend that topanga didnt shape me into the kind of girl who wouldnt change one thing about herself for a boy, keep your legs hairy and your convictions strong! the way they grow together is enough to make me hate god for not giving ME a cory matthews. high school ski trip infidelity aside, theyre the first couple that made me think i could find a man. i was wrong but its nice to think about. 

2. kim possible and ron stoppable... the way the entire series is about kim being a wildly competent type A cheerleader AND teenage vigilante super spy and ron is her chilled out lame best friend who is Always there to help her save the day... please take a moment to listen to the jesse mccartney song why don’t you kiss her? that plays during the romantic climax of the kim possible movie, perfectly capturing the intense fear that comes with thinking about maybe finally kissing your best friend from preschool at your junior prom. 

3. tami and coach eric taylor (friday night lights) ...come on, y’all!!!! genuinely the most real relationship i have ever seen on screen. i don’t even know what to say other than that they are REAL. coach and tami are such a good couple that it doesn’t make any sense to me that their kid would have such a massive stick up her ass. i even tried an ‘empathize with julie’ rewatch, and while a lot of her teen angst is understandable and even relatable, she still seems so disconnected from her parents/dillon at the end of the show in a very unsatisfying way! coach and tami are the heart of fnl. and tim riggins.

4. belly conklin and conrad fisher (the summer i turned pretty trilogy by jenny han) bro.... when your mother’s dying wish is for you to care for your little brother, so when he has a little crush on the girl you are In Love With you bury your feelings and go to college far away because nothing is more important than their happiness, and they could be happy together! and years go by and theyre going to get married and youre set on being Happy For Them until you find out how much your brother has actually done to break her heart and her trust and then the thought of her settling for him is even more devastating than your true desire for her to settle for you.... WHEW! when you’ve been busy coming of age and trying to make it work with your best friend that isnt really right for you and then you find out his brother who you’ve been in love with your whole life turned into a distant asshole because the most important person in yalls lives taught him to be selfless and he over-corrected in his grief... BOY!! this one makes me feel like my heart is in my stomach.

5. SENSE8! can i just say all of it? everything and everyone? if you are bisexual and havent watched sense8 yet, this one is for us, baby! the ship is an interconnected web of LOVE AND TRUST. the pairings are endless. if i HAD to choose my fav, wolfgang and kala (and rajan <3) and i cant explain why i would pick them over anyone else, thats just what my pussy told me. but frankly i shouldnt have to choose, THEY ALL SHARE ONE CONSCIOUSNESS! ONE LOVE! 

6. david and patrick (schitt’s creek) you know the way we all feel like we aren’t enough and we’re Way Too Much.. dan levy really said hey guys? no offense but i think we might be capable of loving and even maybe Being Loved. the way patrick is all in on david rose from the moment he meets him, before he can even consider what that means about himself... the way they push each other out of their comfort zones and only get more comfortable with themselves and each other..  the way david’s abstract monochrome wardrobe fills with HEARTS AND RAINBOWS !!!!!! again, where’s my man? ANYWAYS, 

7. todd and rory (straight up) anna said this post is for romantic ships only and so I CAN AND WILL INCLUDE THEM. i don’t want to give any spoilers because i dont think tumblr has seen this yet, but when i say this is THE romcom of the year, perhaps of my life, trust!! todd is a gay man with a sex aversion who decides to try to date women and rory is the brilliant woman he actually falls in love with. sometimes soulmates dont fuck!!! maybe there are no rules to a good relationship besides mutual respect, understanding, and the undeniable desire to Be Together. i rest my case! 

8. drew barrymore and adam sandler  is this valid? again i dont know or care. i grew up on adam sandler movies and drew barrymore makes him better every time. they’ve only done 3 movies together, one of which i have not and will not see (2014 is just too cursed to return to) but even tho these two have never been a couple in real life their chemistry is so palpable that they consider each other the person they will grow old with on screen. if that’s not hollywood romance, i dont know what is! sorry to timothy olyphant but even drew says adam is The One. 

9. stef and lena adams-foster (the fosters) MOM AND MOMMA! listen, abc family shows are insane, but stef and lena make the drama worthwhile. their house full of teens is not perfect or easy, but never have i ever seen lesbian moms at the center of any media, let alone ones who thrive like they do when they communicate, support each other, and lead with love. this is a couple who chooses each other and their babies over and over again. its about putting in the work, having the tough conversations, and making the hard decisions because you care!!!!! 

10.  I DONT KNOW HOW TO END THIS, I LOVE LOVE! michael and alex! marshall and lily! steve and nancy AND jonathan! lizzie mcguire and gordo! rachel and griffin mcelroy! nick and jess! schmidt and cece! fleabag and the priest! amy pond and rory! river song and the doctor! ROSE and the doctor! MY MOM AND DAD!!!! mickey and ian! han and leia! johnny and gheorghe! princess bubblegum and marceline the vampire queen! jackie and kelso! jackie and HYDE! donna and eric! kitty and red! richie and eddie! jake and amy! brittany and santana! tim and tyra! JACK AND ENNIS! dj and steve! uncle jesse and aunt becky! aziraphale and crowley! bob and linda belcher! LARRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

[rainmakesyouwhole]

tros meta about the healing of the jedi and ben solo (obvs)

OK so what I loved about this trilogy and tros especially is that it backtracked the way that the Jedi Code and the whole Jedi order were fallen and toxic - the Jedi Code says that there shouldn’t ever be passion or emotion, and we’re all familiar with the enforcement of the idea that love/romance are forbidden to the Jedi. Anakin Skywalker’s downfall is shown to be the result of his love for his mother and for Padme, and his attraction to the Sith is born out of his desire to save Padme. HOWEVER, his reaction is pretty understandable - if you’re told by your entire order/religion that love = the path to the dark, and you can’t stop feeling that love, then of course you’ll believe that the dark is your only option. Anakin’s story is a tragedy not because he felt forbidden love but because that love was forbidden (which makes sense of the Romeo and Juliet vibes inherent in the Anidala love story).

In addition, the entire formulation of the Jedi and the Force is based on ‘balance’ and an emotionless transcendence, even the Light Side is rarely shown to be driven by love but is instead driven by the desire for oneness with the Force and that ‘balance’ - which is rarely concretely defined. At the end of Return of the Jedi, Darth Vader sows the seeds for a new conception of Light, one that isn’t defined by the old ways of the Jedi but one that is instead driven by love - for Anakin, that’s love of his son.

The Sequel Trilogy builds on this and develops it perfectly with a beautiful closure at the end of TROS that I CANNOT. GET. OVER. I’m sure there’s more of this in TFA but since I just rewatched TLJ and TROS I’ll focus on these two and what I’m thinking of rn. In TLJ, Luke struggles with his sense that the Jedi order needs to come to an end, because he’s seen the way it’s hurt people that he cares for. This misplaced desire for balance and rejection of any and all signs of darkness that is so embedded in the Jedi order is what drove Ben Solo away from the Light, just like it drove away Anakin. Luke was trained to believe that according to the ways of the Jedi, any glimmer of darkness or temptation in a student’s head was a warning sign of something sinister and unstoppable. EXCEPT, if he had extended a loving hand of acceptance and grace to Ben instead of thinking of killing him, he probably wouldn’t have lost his most powerful Padawan. This is why it’s so poignant when Yoda burns the texts - they needed to go. The Jedi, and the Star Wars franchise, needed to ‘grow beyond’ the old ideas, without sacrificing what made them great.

This is where TROS comes in. Leia, presumably having learned from the missteps made with her son, trains Rey even though she comes from Palpatine’s bloodline. The darkness in her does not, as Ben assumes earlier in the movie, mean that she cannot remain in the Light. Everyone has an instinct of darkness in them, in this fictional world and in the real one, but grace is the love of that person regardless - only love can arm someone against darkness, truly. Rey learns this from Luke and Leia, as they rewrite the old Code. When Rey saves Ben’s life, despite his assumption that he cannot return to the light, it’s his first glimmer of understanding this. When Han comes to his son, his newly healed, fully ALIVE son, BEN, it’s the final rejection of the idea that darkness means someone is beyond saving. (and don’t get me started on that scene)

Finally, the last scene with Ben and Rey flies in the very face of all of the old Jedi ideals, and yet never shows this rejection as a path to the dark. Rey fights Palpatine after being armed with the love of her friends and the love that she and Ben share, and when Ben returns to her, he saves her out of love as well. In Anakin’s day, the desire to save your loved one with the Force was an act of the Dark Side, but now this generation of Force users has been taught differently. Ben does what his grandfather couldn’t, in saving his love (the reverse Anidala) but also walks directly in Anakin’s footsteps, honoring the new idea of the Light side that is not absent of love but DEFINED by love. Rey, who carries the essence of all the Jedi, *kisses* Ben - no longer are the Jedi forbidden to have romance, and this love is what saves the day, not drives them to fail. This is the true Light Side, one that isn’t doomed to ruin itself by driving away the troubled or the faulty or the emotional. Instead this Light embraces those who struggle with the darkness, because love is the only thing powerful enough to fight it and win.

[lightningarmour]

Time to rant about Star Wars!

Guess who just rewatched Rogue One after finishing Jedi Fallen Order.

Without spoiling Fallen Order, the ending is baller as fuck and was very clearly put in because of the popularity of a certain scene in Rogue One.

Now, Fallen Order overall is a solid game. Really nails down that Star Wars feeling, though I’ll admit some parts like fighting a giant bat, and literal magic zombies are a bit over the top. And from what I can determine from contextual information, a lot of elements of Rogue One(The night sisters? The inquisitors?) are taken from the Star Wars Rebels show which I have never watched, and frankly which I think looks lame as shit. Despite that the game is pretty cool, but that ending sequence really just made me lust for Rogue One which I have not watched in a while now, and good lord do I love that movie.

It’s honestly such a shame that Rogue One is so slept on by Star Wars fans. I often see people on twitter and tublr and reddit and wherever making their “best star wars movies” lists and Rogue One seems to hover consistently around the 5-7 slot, which is completely unfair. And yeah, I know, everyone has their own opinions and I’m not telling people they have to like Rogue One more than any other Star Wars movie, but give the film the credit it deserves.

I will say, straight up no bullshit, Rogue One is the best Star Wars film ever made. No contest. Like, from a filmmaking standpoint, it has 40 years worth of innovation in special effects and technique on it’s side. I’m not trying to discredit the effort and skill that went into making the original films by any means, but this is a Locomotive vs a bullet train in a land race. I’m also not even saying that R1 is definitively my absolute favorite Star Wars movie, because I grew up watching star wars since I was like 5 years old. The original trilogy owns so much real estate in my heart that it’s impossible to look objectively at those movies. I have an emotional connection to them. As good as Rogue One is it can’t replace the feeling of wonder I still get from them. But I can absolutely admit without shame that it is a better movie.

I think a lot of people don’t want to acknowledge how good it really is because they think it’s disrespectful or something to the originals to say they’ve been surpassed. But I mean honestly, why shouldn’t these movies get better? Technology is better, storytelling has evolved, audiences have a desire for deeper experiences from movies and television these days. Since Disney acquired Lucasfilm, Rogue One was the biggest risk they’ve taken with Star Wars, and in my opinion has had the greatest payout because of it. The other attempts have all felt like they are trying very hard to recapture that elusive Star Wars feeling, but Rogue One just gets it so effortlessly. As Master Yoda once said, “Do or do not. There is no try.”

I think when i started this post I might have had a point I was trying to get to, but I guess maybe my point was just to gush about how great Rogue One is, and how as solid of a Star Wars story Fallen Order is, it’s still just shy of being a great Star Wars story. It tries real hard to get that feel. That Star Wars feel. You know the feel. That lived in, worn leather, scuffed paint job but with laser beams” kind of feel. It’s so uniquely Star Wars. You can’t really describe it, you just know it when it’s there. Fallen Order gets close to that feel, but doesn’t quite make it. I appreciate the effort they put in to give it that Star Wars feel, but after playing that game I had an itch that could only be scratched by a real, right in the bullseye Star Wars movie that is so perfectly Star Wars in a way I haven’t felt since...

[bridgertonlife]

I was so NAIVE... (Endgame)

They just fucking did it. I’m just a fool. I’ve been having hope, against all odds, for an entire year. True, unadulterated HOPE. Not that kind of sweet talk with oneself someone gets into while bracing for the worst. NO. I had hope. Hope for a happy ending for Tony and Pepper, my most beloved fictional characters EVER. I really thought they would get their most deserved Happily Ever After. 

Why? I think it was because the alternative, a world without my safe heaven, sacared me too much, and my subconscious was literally trying to protect me.

PEPPER & TONY They were my safe heaven, after a bad day or when I felt depressed or anxious I could go to the “Iron Man” movies or the “Avengers” movies and rewatch them. I spent a lot of nights up and even full weekends writting fluffy and sometimes smutty fanfiction for them, in English and Spanish. I wouldn’t get outside with family or friends, I’ll chose to remain in my room, in front of my laptop and I’ll write thousands of words, only for the sake of having fun. Let me tell you, it was worth it, it was amazing, I enjoyed it inmensely, loved to write about them, get inmersed into their world, which I loved so much. For the most part of 11 years they were my happy place. The fantasy garden I could feel safe and happy in. My own personal beacon of hope, if they could go in life sorting their big problems, then so would I. 

Let me say that I’ll be forever thankful to Jon Favreau, Robert Downey Jr and Gwyneth Paltrow, for giving me this, for creating them. For giving them life. Wouldn’t have thought of more kind humans and better artists to achieve this level of humanity.

We were so lucky. Truly.

This tumbrl exists because of them too, I ended up here looking for gifs of my babies around the time I saw “Iron Man 2″ back in May of 2010. 

You read it right. I wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for Tony Stark and Pepper Potts and the “Iron Man” movies. I will love them forever, because they changed my life, for the better. Once I was here, I realized there’s a lot of people like me in the real world, outside, people that love fictional characters like they are their own friends and family. People that get emotionally attached. That care so much, it HURTS. 

For a long time in my life, I thought I was alone in the world. I had friends but you know, for some people or the vast majority of people, movies are only movies. Entertainment is only entertainment. That’s all. But not for us. NOT FOR US. I believe we really are special. 

What I don’t even know anymore is if the people behind this so called “products” really believe their own words when they say “they love the fans” or “they make it for the fans” Really? It’s hard to tell, as they openly lie to us in order to sell movie tickets or literally crush our hearts deliberately. And with the pretext of “protecting the viewer experience” ask from us to not spoil the movie. Yeah, don’t spoil it, in case some of you, puppets, gets ahead and chooses not to see the garbage we’ve been cooking for 3 years. Only for the sake to be edgy, surprising, subverting expectatives and make a name for ourselves in the industry. They think they are so cool, right? Joe? Anthony? ¬¬

I really miss the simple times of my infancy and my teen years, when blockbuster movies sagas ALWAYS ended in a high note, full of hope and brilliant futures. HAPPY ENDINGS were the rule and maybe even, guaranteed. But not anymore.

I miss it. I miss the original Star Wars trilogy, Indiana Jones... More than ever. 

Life is sad enough, cruel enough, awful enough. And they just robbed us of our happines, of our belief in that you can have a happy ending if you work for it.

Now, there’s nothing into the other side. Only tears. It doesn’t even matter how hard you fought for your happines. You can’t get it. Because you need to sacrifice for the universe.

 At the end of the day they only want our money (producers, execs...) I know this is the new rule of corporate bussiness nowadays but couldn’t they at least fulfill the dreams we are paying them for? Not even that anymore. We are mere idiots filling their pockets with cash at this point. They can deliver whatever shit they want to, because they KNOW we’ll be paying for it. In advance. Without proof that what they are offering is, indeed, what we wanted. 

Truly terrifying if you ask me.

But back to you, MCU FANS, passionated people, because you really matter. You really make the difference for a better world. I LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU. 

You are truly special.

We, let me tell you something about the #PepperonyFandom, the irreductible, brave, fighter, amazing, kind, awesome, loyal, #PepperonyFandom. Do any of you remember when during the “Civil War” promotional tour we spamed FB, Twitter and every social media channel of the Russo bros with the #PepperonyForever hastag? And how that ended being the Wakanda war cry on “Black Panther”? They took that idea from US. They stole it, from US. And we made oursleves be heard. It was just for a momment in the grand excheme of things, but it is now history of cinema.

Just always remember how amazing and powerful you are. You guys are SO, so amazing. Every single one of you who I had the pleasure to meet here on tumbrl or in twiter or in Facebook... In every social media. Giffers, Artists, Writers... All my beloved creators, you put all your heart and soul in truly awesome pieces of art made just for pure fun or for fulfilling your friend’s heart’s desires. You work so hard whithout even getting paid. You gifted me so many hours of pure, unadulterated joy, and in most cases, you even gave me your unconditional friendship too. I love you all so much. 

YOU ARE LOVED, TREASURED AND VALUED. I know that you, special people, need to hear this right now, I know guys. I understand and feel your devastating pain, your sorrow, your disappointment. I’m honored of having being part of this fandom for 11 years. I love you all.

But I’m sad to say, I will no longer be a rabbid MCU fan. I won’t be their puppet anymore. I’m breaking ties with Marvel Studios and Disney. I can’t forgive what they did to us. This ultimate betrayal. And after all, I was never really interested in what’s to come afterwards, anyway.

Now that we have been forcefully robbed of our special safe heaven, I need to tell you all that I’m broken inside. My heart is in pieces.

I don’t know if in the future I will be able to write fanfiction again, or enjoy being here or simply hang out with you all in the Pepperony tag, you know? I really don’t want Marvel to take this away from me too, but I feel so emotionally destroyed right now. I just don’t even know anymore.

I knew I shouldn’t trust them with my babies. Joe Russo, Anthony Russo, Christopher Markus & Stephen McFeely they never cared about them. Captain America was always their favourite character, so in the end, they gave him the happily ever after ending with Peggy Carter, which should have been Pepper and Tony’s. They got their subverted expectations and their shock value ending and all that. Hope they are proud of themselves.

But no one will ever convince me that they loved the Pepper and Tony fans. They didn’t.

The last memory of Tony Stark and Pepper Potts that I will EVER have, will remain ingrained in my head forever while I’m alive, and it’s gonna tarnish all their history, all the good momments, all the good movies, all of the best things the MCU brought to my life. FOREVER.

And honestly, it’s gonna be awful to keep living with that. 

I feel so sad, angry, betrayed and disappointed. If you ask me about my emotional investmen in the MCU though 11 years and 22 movies? 

It wasn’t worth it, and sure as hell, “Avengers: Endgame”  didn’t pay off. 

At all.

[bloodraven55]

The Intersectionality of My Sexuality

A while ago I made a post about my experience of being asexual, and it seemed like a lot of people found it interesting and/or useful. Therefore I figured that a follow up to discuss a connected but slightly different topic could also be a good idea. Also it’s still Pride Month so it feels like a good time to talk about this 🏳️‍🌈

So today I want to talk about my experience of being both a lesbian and an asexual person. Specifically, the way those two identities combine, and how it’s affected me throughout my life so far. Basically, this is going to be my coming out story more or less, so buckle up I guess. I’m gonna put this under a cut because I already know it’ll be long 😄

My first exposure to the concept of same-sex relationships was when I was around 11 or 12. I played the Mass Effect trilogy for the first time and I discovered that if you played as a female you could pursue a romantic storyline with Liara, who yes is technically not female but in my adolescent brain it was close enough.

At the time I thought it was odd—not in a bad way whatsoever—but just unusual because I wasn’t used to it. I was obviously aware that gay people existed, and I had always been told they were just regular people like anyone else, so I thought it was cool but it just took me by surprise.

I forgot all about it until I was 14, when I watched Buffy for the first time. I got to Season 4, Willow and Tara became a couple, I was confused because I hadn’t seen anything romantic there but I was intrigued. I rewatched the season a while later, and this time I saw how obvious their romantic feelings for each other were. I realised how wholly blinded I had been by heteronormativity, and I grew far more open to the idea of same-sex relationships, but I still believed that I myself was 100% straight.

Next up on my path to realisation was Xena: Warrior Princess. To keep it short, it was very gay, and Xena and Gabrielle became my second OTP after Willow and Tara. This was when I finally began to wonder if there was a reason that I seemed to be particularly drawn to romantic relationships between two women.

But for a long time I wasn’t sure about who I was. I was very confused for a number of reasons, and now I know why. This is where my also being ace comes in, in case you hadn’t guessed. I suspected I was attracted to women, and I had never been attracted to men at all, so surely I must be gay.

But I didn’t feel any physical attraction to girls either. I had daydreamed about kissing a girl, but I didn’t feel any sort of desire when I saw a beautiful woman. At the time I thought that if I was gay I would surely also be sexually attracted to women, and so I didn’t feel like I could call myself a lesbian when I couldn’t ever imagine myself having sex with a woman.

But I also definitely wasn’t either romantically or sexually attracted to guys. So what did that make me? I felt like I fit nowhere on the spectrum. I realise that sounds very depressing, so I want to clarify that this process of self-discovery didn’t really bother me, because I knew that I would be accepted by the people around me—the people whose opinions I cared about—no matter what, so it didn’t matter to me what I was beyond wanting to know for my own sake.

It didn’t cause me any significant distress figuring this all out, beyond simply being a little frustrated at not having a clear picture of that part of who I am, and the point of this post isn’t to elicit any sympathy for my “struggle” or anything. On the contrary, I am so so very lucky, because I never had to fear what would happen when I came out, and I didn’t suffer great emotional turmoil over my identity.

Rather I’m typing this up because I want to share my experience in the hopes that it might be informative and potentially helpful to the people who are still in the stage of figuring things out, and who might be far less fortunate than me. So again, as with my initial post on this subject, please feel free to reblog this if you’d like because I have no issue with this being shared around.

I think that for me it was the combination of being gay and ace—more so than simply being one or the other on its own—that caused me the most confusion, so I figured that it couldn’t hurt to lay out my experience in case anyone else went through/is going through a similar process, or is simply curious to know more about it.

I want to leave off with the end of my fairly short and rather uninteresting journey, because I want to end on a positive note: I got there. It took some time, but I worked it out. It might be confusing and overwhelming at first, which is why education regarding LGBT+ issues needs to improve dramatically so that people have the information they need, but you’ll get there. And wherever ‘there’ ends up being for you, you are loved and you are valid.

This will probably be the only other post I make about my sexuality, simply because I don’t think I have anything else to say, but my inbox and DMs are always open for anyone who wants to ask me any questions or just talk about anything. You are not alone.

[scum-belina]

Aight, since you're on such a movie binge lately, and since I usually love your recommendations, what are your top 10 movies?

Upon being asked this nearly 48 hours ago, my brain, despite having watched probably 1000 movies of all different genres and from multiple countries was like "the only movies you can remember is shrek 1 2 and 3" but after digging through my memory I THINK I have managed to find some of my top favorites movies. My favorites are defined solely on how much they managed to impact me and inspire me so here we go in no particular order!

1. “The Best Offer” (2013) by Giuseppe Tornatore. This is the most recent film I’ve seen and is by far one of my all-time favorites. It is at least 96% of everything I’ve ever wanted in a movie and I’m still reeling from the borderline perfection of the whole thing. Unsurprisingly I got interested in it bc of the older man/ younger woman thing, but nothing about their relationship development was cliche or shallow, so much so that it pleasantly surprised me, and then threw me through 25000 emotional roller coasters that were also on fire. It’s a drama, romance, comedy, mystery, thriller, and tragedy without being an absolute mess and idk if I will ever get over it I love it so much.

2. “Melancholia” (2011) by Lars Von Trier. A film that portrays severe depression through an apocalyptic metaphor and actually manages to skillfully get away with it. I love this movie as much as I hate it for being so raw and painful yet beautiful at the same time. Everyone in this is great but Kirsten Dunst truly is a formidable actress. This is the only LVT film I’ve fully enjoyed also bc all of his others have too much of a pretentious assholeishness to them and he just tries too damn hard to be edgy and it wastes the entire storyline. 

3. “The Phantom Of the Opera” (2004) by Joel Schumacher. A classic in every respect of the word. It’s got the twisted love tale that I’m an eternal sucker for PLUS they burst out into song abt such matters all the time??? LOVES IT. Everyone with even the slightest taste for the dramatic should watch it at least once.

4. “The Red Violin” (1998) By  François Girard. I Don’t even know how to describe this film. I just remember it from my childhood bc my dad was fascinated by it and I was too. It has an entirely foreign, mostly Italian cast which makes it somehow feel like even more of an authentic story. It really helped shaped me to realize just how important music and musical instruments are to humanity and how they are another way to express our innermost thoughts and feelings.

5. Moulin Rouge! (2001) by Baz Lurhmann. I will NEVER forget the first time I saw this. I was around 7 or 8 and my parents had rented it from blockbuster, and all 3 of us watched it in awe. Baz Lurhmann is nothing but a genius the way he integrated multiple modern songs into this musical and they FIT. The moulin rouge version of “Roxanne” knocks the original by The Police out of the park, out of the world, and out into another dimension. And then the original songs like “come what may” are all 10/10. It’s theatrical, it’s romantic, it’s funny, it’s tragic. Those are the 4 things that almost always cause me to love a movie. Also Ewan McGregor is absurdly hot in it and HIS SINGING  VOICE??? HHHHHOOOOOOO BBBBOOOOOYYYYYYYYY

6. “Phantom Thread” (2017) by Paul Thomas Anderson. I’m not gonna lie, I hopped onto this movie solely bc of the older man/younger woman romance theme that I am always a slut for, but much like The Best Offer it was SO MUCH more like??? This isn’t even about their age it’s about who THEY ARE and their differences yet their love for each other  and how can they balance their lives, who THEY ARE without hating one another as much as they love one another??? BOY I LOVE THAT TORTURED LOVE. This movie was almost NOTHING of what I expected from it and I loved every surprise it gave me. 

7. “Perfume: The Story of a Murderer” (2006)  by Tom Tykwer. Idek WHAT to say about this film other than it’s so good!!! It’s so fucked up!!! I’M so fucked up!!! I love it so much!!! You know how me be!!! Love that nasty artsy badness!!! Go watch it and then message me asking me what the fuck is wrong with me!!!

8. “V for Vendetta” (2005) by James McTeigue. I know this movie has been overhyped at times, but it truly is incredible. Both the left and right seem to claim this movie as their own, but my libertarian ass just loves it for its anti-tyranny theme and ofc for the development of Evey and V’s relationship. It’s definitely worth at least one watch. 

9. Pirates of the Caribbean (2003-2007 so only the original trilogy bc those are the only ones that really exist and matter ok) by Gore Verbinski. I was around 9-10 when I saw the first potc, and it changed me and inspired me for life. Immediately I found Elizabeth Swann so relatable not just bc we have the same first name, but because she had the same intense desire for freedom and adventure as I had/ still do tbh. She liked the “bad guys” and wanted to be one of them and ultimately became “King” of them without sacrificing her own femininity and OHHH I LOVE THAT. The original potc trilogy has the perfect blend of adventure, fantasy, horror, and romance for me (although I will always wish Elizabeth had ended up with Jack in the end I will DIE for this ship).Mind you, The Mummy (1999) Came EXTREMELY close to taking potc’s place, but the mummy never managed to make a good or even rewatchable trilogy like potc did so potc wins this.

10. This is Spinal Tap (1984) by Rob Reiner. The only complete comedy on this list, I cannot even begin to describe how genius this film is. I have watched it so many times since childhood and I STILL find new jokes in it that I had never noticed before. Anyone who has had even the slightest bit of an interest in music should find this hilarious. The Stonehenge mishap scene alone makes this one of the greatest comedies of all time.

These are some of the few that I’ve been able to come back to mind from memory rn but I’m sure I’ll think of other faves later. but all of these are some definite top  faves of mine that impho (in my personal humble/horny opinion) everyone should watch at least once

[traincat]

what don't you like about the Raimi films? I have never liked them, so it's nice to know I'm not the only one

I keep meaning to rewatch the Raimi Spider-Man trilogy so I can actually go in depth and talk in detail about what I don’t like about them, since I watched them quite a while ago when I was first getting into Spider-Man. I didn’t watch them while they were coming out; in fact I remember actively avoiding going to see Spider-Man 3 with friends in theaters because I thought I didn’t like Spider-Man. In hindsight this is probably for the best because it means my first exposure to Peter was through comics, but it’s also pretty hilarious to me now as someone who has posted like half a million words of Spider-Man fanfic.

I did try to rewatch the first movie recently! And then it took me 24 hours to get through the first hour of it because I was just so bored. And I think ultimately that’s my big problem with it: it bores me. The script bores me. (Really? There’s like one joke from Spider-Man in the whole movie and it’s a homophobic crack that’s aged super badly? The “you’re on the wrong side of history, Spider-Man” meme is funnier than the whole film.) The set design bores me. The costume isn’t visually appealing to me, although I understand it was a different era of superhero movie and that for the time I think it probably looked more impressive. And while no 90 minute movie is ever going to be able to go as in-depth or get as complicated with personal relationships as decades and decades of comics can sheerly because there’s a time limit, I think they took the relationships present in Spider-Man and flattened them out in the most boring way possible. Instead of Peter trying to dodge MJ because he doesn’t think he’d be interested in a girl Aunt May approves of, he’s already in love with her as the girl next door. It’s revealed to the audience upfront that Mary Jane’s father is abusive, rather than her telling Peter herself, essentially trading her biggest secret for her knowledge of his, revealing the reasoning behind her party girl facade. It makes it all so much more ordinary and typical, a simpler love story. For me it’s just so much shallower.

And then there’s Raimi’s iteration of Peter and Harry. I’m going to be super blunt about this one:

When adapting these two characters, why would you cast the more conventionally attractive actor to play Harry? In 616, Peter and Harry have a very deep bond but also a very interesting dynamic that is rooted in Peter being smarter than Harry, better looking than Harry, overall more masculine and attractive and desirable than Harry.

(ASM Annual 1996) But there’s this mad dash that, if it didn’t begin with the Raimi films, definitely was crystallized and validated with them, that wants to make Peter Parker, well, a loser. A schlub. A sadsack instead of just the underdog. If you take his tagline as the relatable superhero and look at how that gets translated, it’s a bit insulting, really, because there seems to be this idea that the audience will relate better to Peter if he’s a loser. And that’s played up by making Harry – who is already rich and the epitome of “money can’t solve all your problems” – also handsome and smooth and cooler than Peter. And I think that’s something that’s damaged Harry and Peter’s relationship in other adaptations, and I think it’s just not as interesting as their comics dynamic at all. Similarly, I think Raimi!Peter is just not very interesting. There’s nothing about him that draws me in. There’s no sharpness, no edge. (And while attractiveness is subjective and not every casting is going to work for everyone, I also just don’t find Tobey Maguire particularly good looking, which is something I feel that Peter Parker should be. Please stop casting men without strong eyebrows to play him, movies.)

And while I understand why the upside down Spider-Man kiss has become The Iconic PeterMJ Kiss and while I know it’s much more cinematic, it really can’t hold a candle to their first kiss from the comics in my book:

(Amazing Spider-Man #143)

I do think the Raimi films were very good at creating a lot of iconic Spider-Man imagery and at taking big things from the comics – Doc Ock, the Green Goblin – and translating them to the screen in a way that was both appealing to a large audience and easy to digest. It’s just that for me personally the films, and especially their version of Peter, lack any of the charm or personality that I love from Spider-Man comics.

[auntmaydoesnotknow]

how long did we sleep?

A/N: i know it’s not perfect but i tried and this is my first fic by the way🖖🏻

Summary: after trip to Europe,you and your friends team up to celebrate MJ’s birthday,but something between her and Peter isn’t the same

Pairing: Peter Parker x reader

Warnings: not so massive Far From Home spoilers i guess???

You weren’t the type of girl who desired to be popular in school. You liked staying after lessons to study in a computer class or practice in labs to check some of your designs . Despite that,you were a real badass. You liked sneaking out at nights to go to the parties or hang out with your friends. You enjoyed Central Park at night time more therefore you were stargazing there almost every night. You liked staying in the hidden place in the library until the very late hours to be able to read in silence and absence of others and then exiting through the broken window.And you also really appreciated your family and loved spending time with them.

You knew you were hard to understand but you didn’t need anyone to do it or tell you compliments.

You hear the bell ring and rush towards the hall to the bathroom.

She is never late so she must be in the class already and you have some time before you meet her.the teacher will probably be annoyed at you for being late again but you decide to finish what’s more important to you right now.

You put the cup of coffee and your bag on the bathroom sink.

“I am very very very sorry” - you write on the inner side of the book cover you bought for your best friend - “Sorry i became your friend only a year ago. You’re the bestest friend i ever had. It’s a fact. And imma be late for the physics class but i’m just hoping your smile would be worth it. MJ,thank you for being glowing,smart af,genuine,indescribable and rEaL friend for me. i love you”

You take a black ink pen to add some hearts and write a post scriptum

“P.s. i was searching for this book a lot for you and i hope you love it”

you close the book,lace it with a black ribbon and write on a coffee cup “happy birthday,hmmmmMJ”

You and MJ. Your friendship started as unexpectedly as you saw her reading your favorite book at the party.You approached to her and that was the moment you both felt something new - how do they call it?oh yes - soulmates thing.

You two are literally soulmates - MJ sees you through and understands you perfectly,you do the same. You’ve changed a lot since you became MJ’s friend and you’re pretty sure this change was an improvement.

You put the book in the bag,take the coffee and catch a glimpse of your reflection - girl in the mirror smiled and was looking excited about making her friend happy.

You leave the bathroom and examine the hall in search of the principle. Your eyes didn’t find anybody so you start quickly heading to the class at the same time checking on your watch.

Well,I’m late for just 3 minutes,I can praise mysel-

The moment after you look at the time once again,you bump into someone and close your eyes as you feel like the cap from the coffee cup has fallen down.

You silently swear and pray it’s not principle. You open your eyes and see Peter’s perplexed face and chuckle.

“God damn Peter watch yourself”You smile pretending to be mad at him and raise free arm to hug him.

You and Peter. You two got very close as you started hanging out with MJ. At first,you knew Peter as a boy MJ was at one Decathlon team at,than the boy she seemed to have feelings for and only then you got to know him personally when he and mj started dating.

He appeared to be very cute and kind-hearted and you couldn’t deny he was attractive to you. But you knew he was already into SoMeOnE and SoMeOnE was also kinda attracted. Generally, you got to know him in Europe trip and generally,the same time he and Michelle confessed their feelings to each other. They started dating bu you remained good friends and so did you,Ned and Peter. Ned and you were pretty sure there was something Parker and MJ were hiding about their relationship that might have happened between them but you didn’t demand to know about it.

Oh and you knew Peter was Spiderman. To be honest,you were not surprised as you and MJ have noticed his strange behavior a long ago but when he confessed it to you everything became explainable.

Parker hugs you back and sets the coffee cap back to the cup. When he holds you close,you can feel his chest moving fast and you can tell he was in a hurry. Again.

“Is everything okay?”You ask softly as you make sure the coffee hasn’t been spilt.

“Yeah,I just missed a bus”He smiles and fixes his hair. and you wish you could run your fingers through these curls as they were the cutest thing you’ve ever seen. But there was already someone else who had the right to do it. And being aware of that made you shiver inside every time.

“Don’t tell me you’ve been running your way to school” you playfully frown

Peter imitates he rolled his eyes and asks you if your gift was ready.

“It is and it’s all cool to talk but we seem to be late” You answer with a smile on your face

“Yeah yeah sure”

His hand suddenly touches yours while you walk towards the class next to each other. You can feel your heart skip a beat and wonder why you even feel this. Peter looks at you without turning his head but you pretend to stay calm and look straight . And that’s why you can’t notice slight blush on Peter’s face and a little sparkle in his eyes.

——————

You open the class door,apologize to the teacher and quickly take your place next to MJ. You wink to Ned and look at the birthday girl. She is sitting still but you can tell by her smile she is glad to see you. You carefully pass her the coffee and watch her eyes shimmer and smile widen as she reads the words written on the cup.

“Happy birthday, cutie” You say and blow her a kiss

She chuckles and whispers quite thank you when Peter rushes into the class according to your plan which included not to show up to the class late together.

“I-I’m sorry,Mr.Clark,I was late for the bus so I -”

“Stop excuses,Mr.Parker,and take your place,We’re all used to your lateness. As much as we are used to Y/N’s one” The teacher looks at you and you silently pray he’s not going to say what he was going to say

“I think it’s time for you both to pay for your morning sleep and stay after the lessons”He sentences

“No!” You both blurt”Please not today,maybe tomorrow?it’s very important ,we can’t stay today,please!”Mr.Clark stops Peter’s begging with shaking his head and continues the lesson.

You press your palms to your face and sigh deeply,then you look at Peter who seems to be as disappointed as you and finally,MJ.

She looks a bit worried but whispers”Don’t worry,we can figure it out”

As the lessons ends,you stand up quickly and hug Michelle. “I’m really sorry” you say pitifully “But I think Peter and I can skip today’s detention,right?” You look at Peter and he nods at once after placing Mj a kiss on her cheek.

“No,no,guys,you don’t have to”Michelle says “I wanted to tell you that my “party”(she imitates quotes) is being put off”

“What?”Ned says loudly

“Yeah,my parents want to spend time with me. I’m not saying we’re not having fun today. I’m just suggesting you to meet 2 hours later. Will you be able to?”

Three of you nod and you sigh with relief.

“Okay,I’m going to French and you boys better buy your gift already”

MJ chuckles and Peter slightly kicks your shoulder when you walk by.

—————————-

When the lessons are over,you meet MJ to make sure if everything okay and then head to detention room.

Peter is already sitting there and you sit next to him. He smiles when he sees you and you smile back and feel really warm inside.

You open the bag and show him the pack of sour patch. Parker grins and tries to quietly move his desk close to yours.

There is no one else but almost sleeping teacher in the room so you two start talking loudly about your favorite movies and end up finding out that your mutual favorite film was «Men in Black».

You chuckle “Yeah and I really didn’t want J to erase K’s memory”

«I know,that was unexpected. Um,Y/N?”

“Yes?”

“Would you like to team up this weekend and kinda rewatch the trilogy?”

“Movie night at Parker’s?Sure,sounds cool”it does sounds cool and all but you hesitate about what mj was going to say

“Sure?” He asks a bit shyly

“Sure as hell!” You smile and pretend to look at your phone to hide your excitement

Then you frown and ask like it’s not something you do care about but deep in your heart you know you do “Should i tell MJ and Ned?”

Peter keeps silence for a second and then says while running his fingers through his hair nervously

“A-Actually I thought - I thought they don’t like this movie”

You look at him and smile,then nod and check on time while the heat is rising from your toes to your head and then fills your whole body with excitement and you smile again,even wider now.

“Hey,I guess we’re free” He tells you pointing at the teacher who is already asleep. You eat the last sour patch bear and stand up quietly.

——-

You and Peter live not really far from each other,that’s why he decided to walk you to your house. You have never been at Peter’s and he has not visited your house yet but he often walked you to the doors and hugged you and this cuddles could lift you up for the rest of the day. Today was not an exception. You agreed to meet in half an hour to go to MJ’s place together.

When you come in,you hear the smell of melting cheese and go to kitchen to kiss your mom. You warn her that tonight’s MJ’s birthday and you’re going to be late.

She nods and gives you a sandwich that you bite as you go to your room. You choose to wear something casual so youtake off your Y/F/C(your favorite color) hoodie and put on Y/P/C(your preferred color)tie-die t-shirt and jeans(idk whatever u like to imagine)

The gift for MJ is still in your bag and you take it as you go to the bathroom.

———

When it’s time to meet up with Peter,Ned and Betty you all get a message from MJ that the picnic you have planned is still in you schedule so you guys start heading to her house.

Betty was your another close friend,though not as close as any of the guys. She was super nice and cute and that’s why Ned extremely liked her. You could tell Ned has changed a lot to the better and that was an obvious sign of the good impact of the relationships for you.

While you’re in the subway,you teach Ned how to do the hand sign(🖖🏻) from Star Trek and once you looked at Peter,he was always looking at you. You thought to yourself you were overthinking and try to forget this. Every time you wanted to think he really felt something for you,you couldn’t help but feeling guilty for doing this to Mj’s boyfriend. So you tried to wash these thoughts away.

When you get to the destination,you see MJ waving to you with the bag full of food. She looked very happy and it made you even happier. As you see her,you run to her and hug her and everyone else does the same as they approach.

———

When you settle down your picnic rug on the grass under the tree next to Michelle’s apartment and set all the beverages and snacks,Betty clears her throat and says enthusiastically “Time for presents”

MJ stands up and you beat your knees with your hands. “Should I start?” You ask everyone and when they nod,you go on

“Michelle,it’s my first your birthday and I’m glad I’m here with unbelievable you and you guys. Um, I’ve never had a friend like you,yeah,and speeches are definitely not my cup of tea,but i know for sure, that you are great,beautiful and kind person and you deserve everything you think you don’t and more”

You see her smiling and lean closer to hug her and whisper in her ear quite “I love you” and she nods with the happiness in your eyes and it’s the best thing you have ever seen.

Everyone else congratulated MJ with their gifts and hugged her and everyone was joyful. But there was one thing that bothered you - when Peter and Ned were embracing Michelle,you could notice that Parker hugged her differently. Not the way he hugged you. When you two were hugging,he was holding you tight and for a long time. His hug with MJ seemed way shorter but you decided not to overthink again. But it kept bothering you throughout the night.

———-

During the party,you were eating fruits,listening to music and talking about some stupid things. You saw MJ happy and you felt admired by how happiness suits her face.

Somebody suggested taking polaroids so you all were changing poses while some tourist was making photos. He made about 20 different polaroids and you decided that MJ is going to take them home to choose and then give some of them to her friends.

——-

When the sun set,you started packing things to go up at MJ’s apartment and have a movie night.

You discussed everyone’s wishes and decided to binge-watch first season of Stranger Things.

You settled blankets,pillows and snacks on the floor and Ned put on the show.

You were sitting between Betty and MJ,Peter was sitting on the left side to MJ.

You loved the atmosphere that was in the room and looked down to pick up another nacho and expected to witness MJ and Peter holding hands as they did as often as possible. But to your surprise they weren’t. Moreover,they were not even leaning closer to each other which made you wonder.

In 15 minutes,Ned saw Betty yawning and suggested changing positions for her to lay down comfortably. You appeared to sit next to Peter and MJ which made your nerves tingle. Michelle took the polaroids from her pocket and started checking which of them were good. Parker offered you the last nacho in the bag and when you perplexedly accepted it he got up and approached the trash can in the corner of the room to throw the empty packs.

Suddenly, you feel MJ grab your wrist and pulling you with her

“Don’t pause the episode,we’ll be right back” she said happily while taking you with her out of the room and closing the door.

“Um,is everything okay?” You ask looking puzzled

“Even better! Let me tell you something” Michelle took you to the kitchen and you sat on the counter still wondering what on earth made MJ leave her favorite show playing.

“So”she started excitedly “I was browsing through polaroids we took and found this”

She handed you the picture of five of you standing in front of MJ’s house while hugging each other. It was taken the moment you noticed Ned’s hat wasn’t his,but Mr.Harrington’s and he changed them by incident so all of you were laughing. It was really pure but you still didn’t get what MJ so head over heels

And then

You laid your eyes on Peter. He wasn’t standing next to you,but he was looking at you. When everyone was looking at camera,he was looking at you. The wind was playing with his curly wonderful hair,the warm smile lit his face and his eyes were directed at you. Was it affection inside them? Love? You didn’t know

But was eager to.

“MJ,this pic is awesome and I look less gross than always here but what is it supposed to mean?”

“Look,things weren’t good for me and Pete lately” she joined you on the counter and put her hand on your lap “We both don’t think we should continue pretending to be a couple when we’re not anymore.”

“What? Uh,does it mean...?”

“Yeah,it’s over” she said with no drop of disappointment on her face,but joy

“But...but why? What happened? Did he hurt you?”

“No,no calm down” MJ chuckled “I’m just not that into him anymore. And when i talked to him,he confessed the same. I mean”she continued seeing your perplexed face “we mean a lot to each other but it doesn’t work the same way it did. It’s fine,really,we both moved on.”

“Wait-You too?”

“Yeah,i got someone,but,nevermind,it’s not what we are talking about”

“And while you’re thinking it over” she leaned closer to you “ I don’t see a point in hiding your feelings for him anymore”

“No way we’re talking about this again” you raised your hands in your defense “You broke up and how can you know he’s not hurt and doesn’t want you back and- and how can you know he wants someone else? Someone else but you?” You asked more seriously

“Because the eyes,Y/N. They never lie” she winked at you and told to keep the polaroid to yourself

You wanted to stop her but she was already gone with a wide smile on her face.

You covered your face with your hands and smiled inside them like in a pillow. Then you jumped off the counter and headed to the room with Michelle’s words pulsing in your temples.

————

You opened the door and saw Betty and Ned snoring on each other’s shoulders. MJ was telling something to Peter as his eyes widened and a wide smile appeared on his face.

You took a deep breath and squeezed your eyes which you used to erase the blush from your cheeks.

You walked in and Peter stood up the moment you closed the door.

“I-I,ugh-I remember we planned spending the night in here and I’m sticking to the plan,I just need to go out for a second or two to buy coffee,I don’t feel so good(*) and I guess fresh air and coffee is the only thing I need right now,huh” You tried to look calm and even tried to chuckle but ended up having a flimsy grin on your face. “Do-do you mind?” You asked,more to MJ,not trying to look Peter straight in his eyes. “I can buy coffee for every one so we can survive the night?”

Pathetic. Your main rule was to never look pathetic and that was exactly how you looked. At least you thought so

“Yeah,sure,no problem. I’ll text you then which coffee guys would want to.” Michelle saw you through. She knew you just wanted to leave for a minute to calm your nerves and she understood you.

You smiled to her and forced yourself to smile to Parker,then left the apartment with nothing but your phone and hoodie Peter gave you as it was cold outside.

————-

You were sitting in front of the coffee shop for 10 minutes now,trying to analyze everything. You didn’t know what made you so nervous but you felt like it was bursting inside of you and you couldn’t help it. You felt even more pathetic for leaving although your motto was to never run from the problems but face them. But tonight you felt like it was necessary for you to take a break from being powerful and independent.

You took a sip of the night air,looked up at the stars and realized how small and shitty your problems were and suddenly you calmed down.

If Peter likes you,then he will do something himself. You like him for forever but never noticed any signs of mutual attention. You craved him for so long and he always craved someone else. You told yourself that if you feel like it tonight,you will tell him. Tell him about it and then probably jump out of the window and disappear. Or lock yourself in the bathroom. Yes. The latter would work.

You chuckled and walked into the shop with joy on your face.

“Um,I’ll have two capuccinos,two lattes and one iced coffee with double ice,please”

“Double ice?” Barista grinned

“Yeah,I kinda like the cold”

“Twenty four fifty” the barista claimed

“Sure,her-“

“I’ll pay” you hear the voice behind your back

“Pete?” You frown and smile to the awesome cute hot curly chocolate boy in front of you

“Hey” he rubs the back of his neck,while he’s in a black t-shirt that shows his muscles “Do you feel better?”

“I think so. I like to think this happened because i had too much fun today”

“Then this should happen to me every time I’m with you”

You blinked and felt the burning desire to hug him really hard.

Instead,you smiled and with hesitations ran your fingers through his hair.

He looked at you with admiration and gently grabbed your wrist.

“I- I really think we need to talk”

“Yeah-yeah, we do”you burst out laughing

——————

You walked out of the coffeeshop and he stopped you by tapping your shoulder.

“Look,Y/N,I-“

“I like you,Pete” you interrupted and was brave enough to look into his eyes “I’ve been acting so pathetic lately but it’s just because I couldn’t keep it from you any longer.You’re the sweetest boy I ever met. I like your crazy hair that you hate. I love our hugs because they make my days.Your smile is like actually the best smile ever” you laughed and continued “You’re a genius,you’re so smart,you’re kind-hearted,you help people and you’re just you. That’s why I like you. Yes, I like you. And it doesn’t mean you should tell me you like me back as i don’t want your words to be fake. It’s fine if you don’t feel the same way and I would gladly stay your friend for the rest of my life” you finished and took a sip of coffee to regain bravery.

Peter looked at you with sparks in his brown eyes and smile on his lips and started

“I like you too,Y/N, a lot. Thank you for telling me all of this but- You’re not pathetic,being yourself and having emotions and feelings isn’t pathetic,alright? ”

You nodded

“I extremely like you and I’m being 100% genuine to you. I’ve never met anyone like you”

and before you could understand it,he kissed you

Peter Parker kissed you and you never knew you needed it that much.

—————————

You came to MJ’s apartment holding hands and none of you ever wanted to let this moment slip away.

When MJ saw you two she smiled and made an impression of fainting. You laughed and hugged her whispering “thank you so much for making me do this step”

“Me? yes,it was me,will you make me your bridesmaid?”

You continued watching the episode laying on Peter’s shoulder and holding his hand. He seemed carried away by the joy of finally being with someone he truly loved.

He kissed your temple right when sleeping couple of Ned and Betty on the right stood up

“Wait,how much did we sleep?”

[stevenuniversallyreviews]

Episode 82: Barn Mates

“Things didn't exactly work out for either of us.”

The biggest shame of the infamous leaked promo of this episode is how shocking the premise was even five episodes ago. Peridot and Lapis Lazuli both began as antagonists, even if the former was on the road to reforming and the latter was sympathetic in her opposition to the Crystal Gems. An episode focusing on the first two new Gems we met, butting heads but not outright fighting, was something that would’ve been difficult to see coming without Cartoon Network deciding to make it easy to see coming. I’m not about to knock the episode itself for something out of its control, but it’s worth making a note of because of how damaging spoiled content can be for the enjoyment of a story, even years after the fact. I’m so grateful I avoided the mega leak of Season 5, I’d have been devastated.

Anyway. Peridot and Lapis. Two outcasts, both with exceptional debuts and wildly different arcs, together again at last. While it’s been established that Lapis doesn’t get along with anyone but Steven, we haven’t seen her interact with any character but Steven for any extended period of time. And it turns out she’s a huge jerk! This isn’t a criticism, it makes perfect sense that she’s a huge jerk, but it’s fascinating that Peridot, who began as an outright villain and was an antisocial mess even after allying with the Crystal Gems, is the one who has our sympathies. She’s grown, but Lapis hasn’t.

Barn Mates at times feels perfunctory, leaning into traditional sitcom tropes like splitting a room in half and sticking to a formulaic “series of failures until a success” structure. It’s paced like Kindergarten Kid in this regard, and owes a lot to the Looney Tunes formula of using the full runtime to tell a series of jokes, with the key difference being that the more hapless character in the pair (the Daffy Duck to the slick Bugs Bunny) gets a happy ending.

Still, it’s effective in telling a story about two characters that were bound to clash. While the episode makes clear that part of the issue is a failure to communicate, I think what matters more is that Peridot never genuinely apologizes to Lapis. She wants Lapis to understand that she’s changed, but she hasn’t changed enough to realize how important it is to say sorry and to mean it. The culminating speech is more about wanting to help Lapis through a rough transition, which is still nice, but it makes sense that Lapis remains mad at someone who appears to have no regrets about wronging her.

Steven at least pays lip service to the idea of Peridot apologizing, and she does try in her tone deaf letter, but we never get the sense that remorse is an actual factor at play. A lesson downplaying the importance of apologies isn’t ideal, but Peridot isn’t an ideal person, but I think Barn Mates gets by thanks to her ability to sincerely explain what she does feel, which is a sense of kinship with Lapis and the desire to help someone in the way she was helped. Even three seasons in, it’s still refreshing to see that this show is more interested in realistic and relatable characters than morals of the week.  

Now, communication failure still matters here, and Peridot’s last gesture is her most interesting in this regard. While I normally appreciate subtlety on this show (and most shows), I actually think it’s a missed opportunity that Peridot’s “What, were you trapped in a tape recorder too!?” wasn’t met with any variant of “Uh, yes.” Because, yeah, that’s pretty much what Lapis was up to during her imprisonment in The Mirror, and making this clear not only to younger audience members but to Steven and Peridot would continue the episode’s motif of Peridot’s intentions missing the mark in concrete ways. Her letter doubles down on the notion that Lapis was more valuable for her knowledge than herself, the lake clumsily forgets that Lapis was trapped underwater until like yesterday, and the recorder just as clumsily forgets about Lapis’s longtime inability to speak outside of recordings. It may be fun to “get it” when a plot point is subtle, but I think the episode would benefit from a more explicit escalation.

Especially because without this clear connection to Lapis’s past, her destruction of the recorder and response to Peridot’s heartfelt speech about not being alone goes from understandably irked to outright malicious. Her attitude makes sense, but it’s jarring to see her swing this far from who she was in Same Old World without a solid explanation. 

This may be an episode about a tense argument, but this is still Zuke’n’Florido, so we get a ton of laughs to grease the wheels. Steven has moved from his Guitar Dad style to classic “kid who got into anime” style, and god bless him, he can’t draw hands. This is the sort of characterizing humor I come here for.

It’s already established that these two boarders excel at writing for Peridot, who shines in her new conspiratorial role with Steven. But I’m so glad this is the team that introduces us to Peridot and Lapis as a pair: two ornery misfits, one small and antsy, the other tall and angsty, who somehow manage to get along. Lapis may be less overtly comedic than Peridot, but she’s so dramatic in the face of Peridot’s goofiness that the tension itself becomes funny. This is also the premiere of Lapis as the world’s driest water witch: Jennifer Paz’s “But...thanks...for the lake” is a deliciously brutal punchline.

Peridot may have grown a lot since her debut, she’s not exactly at the finish line. Again, she displays no remorse and is bad at communicating, but there’s something so perfectly Peridot about spending an episode trying furiously and impatiently to explain that she’s empathetic and patient now. Even after she puts Lapis’s needs first, she comes right back to make it all about herself. This wouldn’t have been half the episode it is if Peridot had any idea how to be a good friend. 

It might be convenient that outside forces come right on time to bring Lapis and Peridot to an understanding, but there was no realistic way that Lapis would ever come around without interference. She’s still super messed up, so it’d be a bit ridiculous for her to start trusting someone who betrayed her after a few faulty gestures and a speech. I love that after an episode of simmering anger, it’s only with an outburst of rage directed at the Roaming Eye that Lapis is finally able to connect a little with Peridot: this isn’t a perfect relationship, and it shouldn’t get off to a perfect start.

Barn Mates has a far different tone than Same Old World or Hit the Diamond, so it’s amazing how seamlessly the three episodes fit together thanks to back-to-back cliffhangers. What’s even more impressive is that this is the second episode in the row that’s largely setup (what Same Old World is to Lapis’s arc, Barn Mates is to Lapis and Peridot’s relationship) but feels watchable in a vacuum. I’ve said before and I’ll probably say again that I wasn’t huge on the first two episodes of this season, but the World/Mates/Diamond trilogy more than makes up for it.  

If every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn’t have inconsistencies…

How is this episode not called Space Invaders? It’s about two aliens literally invading each others’ space, and ends with a UFO dropping by. It even fits in with our next episode’s title belying its non-cosmic plot. Come on, people.

I’ve never been to this…how do you say…school?

So is Steven a teacher or an administrator in this universe? Either way, this is a great picture.

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

The formulaic vignettes and Lapis’s understandable but off-putting attitude would, in most cases, place this pretty low on the rewatch list. And let’s be clear, it isn’t super high either. But it’s saying a lot that an episode with so much theoretically going against it can be this enjoyable.

Top Fifteen

Steven and the Stevens

Mirror Gem

Lion 3: Straight to Video

Alone Together

The Return

Jailbreak

The Answer

Sworn to the Sword

Rose’s Scabbard

Coach Steven

Giant Woman

Winter Forecast

When It Rains

Catch and Release

Chille Tid

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon

Bubble Buddies

Tiger Millionaire

Lion 2: The Movie

Rose’s Room

An Indirect Kiss

Ocean Gem

Space Race

Garnet’s Universe

Warp Tour

The Test

Future Vision

On the Run

Maximum Capacity

Marble Madness

Political Power

Full Disclosure

Joy Ride

Keeping It Together

We Need to Talk

Cry for Help

Keystone Motel

Back to the Barn

Steven’s Birthday

It Could’ve Been Great

Message Received

Log Date 7 15 2

Same Old World

Like ‘em

Gem Glow

Frybo

Arcade Mania

So Many Birthdays

Lars and the Cool Kids

Onion Trade

Steven the Sword Fighter

Beach Party

Monster Buddies

Keep Beach City Weird

Watermelon Steven

The Message

Open Book

Story for Steven

Shirt Club

Love Letters

Reformed

Rising Tides, Crashing Tides

Onion Friend

Historical Friction

Friend Ship

Nightmare Hospital

Too Far

Barn Mates

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack

Together Breakfast

Cat Fingers

Serious Steven

Steven’s Lion

Joking Victim

Secret Team

Say Uncle

Super Watermelon Island

Gem Drill

No Thanks!

     5. Horror Club      4. Fusion Cuisine      3. House Guest      2. Sadie’s Song      1. Island Adventure

[roxannepolice]

What’s in a name? Kylo Ren as a sentient simulacrum

If my cultural sociologist’s heart soared when Ren turned out to be a heroine of postmodern time, Kylo Ben had my brain from the moment his parentage was revealed. Because this – this here, ladies and gentlemen, is a specimen of its own kind – a sentient simulacrum on a quest to destroy its meaning. And doing a terribly good job, judging by what the viewers think. Because he represents another tempting demon of postmodernity – a belief that everything is a matter of agreement and thus, of will and all one has to do is have a will strong enough to subjugate all of reality to its knees. This is nietzschean ubermensch in all his glory of overestimating the power of will and consciousness, things we have become obsessed with believing in. Kylo Ren isn’t a complicated answer to a question what would Anakin’s and Padme’s grandson and Han’s and Leia’s son grow up to be?, he’s a very ready made, willed, chosen answer to a question what would Darth Vader’s grandson be?

Objectively speaking, there’s every stake against Kylo Ben. He killed his father in a story about familial love. He’s in charge of evil empire in a story about fighting evil. He’s hinted at a romance in a story where romances ended in tragedy. But such is a nature of simulation: it laughs in the face of objectivity. It knows every objective symptom and has already found a way to cause it without referring to the core. Hypoerbolically speaking, everything objective can be faked and as such lies within simulation’s power. Simulation is something different from pretending. Pretending can be objectively revealed for what it is. You pretend that you had a good sleep by putting ice cubes and concealer under your eyes, your problems with focus will still be apparent. You simulate a good sleep by drinking enough coffee to seem – and FEEL – awake. And yes, Kylo Ben is totally the type of person who drinks coffee as black as his soul because sleep is for the weak. A simulacrum won’t recognise itself for what it is because it believes itself to be its only meaning. All that matters are the appearances. And it won’t drop the act when it’s not observed, because it’s always acting for itself. If anything, it’s  precisesly other eyes that will see the bs. We’re all amazing actors in our own heads. The problem is to be ones for a different audience.

Take the moment he drops his mask during the bridge scene. You’re right to read it as consciously symbolic gesture. But the act isn’t for Han, at least, not only, it’s for him. He doesn’t need the mask to do what he’s about to do. It’s him, Kylo Ren who has already destroyed Han Solo’s weak and foolish son, about to commit another conscious, willful action. He won’t feel remorse.

He does very much feel remorse. There is no one close enough to him in that moment for him to fake it. This is a rebellion, albeit overdue and still passive, of the self against ego’s will, of meaning against simulacrum.The best metaphor of a difference between a meaning and a simulacrum in Star Wars is basically Ben Solo and Kylo Ren. So, should we feel safe that in a story destroying the simulacra bendemption is sure?

I’m not going to sugar coat it for you – it’s not.

In fact, if you’ve ever heard an antibendemption argument that made terrifyingly much sense, there’s a good chance someone who made it has a degree of knowledge about postmodern thought. Because Kylo Ben has been as much of a ready made redemption material as FO has been ready made villains. He’s literally the grandson of the redemption of this saga. And isn’t the hero worship of Skywalkers the best sign that they’re one of the husks that need to burn for the meaning to reemerge? Truthfully, a strong redemption needs an unredeemed counterpart, a Judas in The Second Testament, to really hit home. Yes, the Skywalkers are what created the basic messages of the saga, now let them go away and continue their essence detached from the husks, preferably leaving a strong warning in the last generation. Anakin’s redemption was the original one, now let it be carried by the likes of Galen, Bodhi and, according to some idiots, Finn, not his own bloodline.

There’s just one problem. Anakin’s not redeemed.

Let that sink in.

  Anakin’s redemption did not take place

I don’t want to generalize, but I make a solid guess that most people on tumblr who identify with protagonists of the sequels are in their 20s to 30s., so Anakin’s redemption was a cultural given in our lives. Yeah, he’s done some bad things but in the end he loved Luke and died for him, and anyway, he’s shown as a force ghost in the end (anyone still remembering the old Anakin on Endor?), so he’s fine. What a heartwarming story of redemptive power of love! One that we’ve been rewatching whenever world seemed completely wrong, perhaps the story that helped us forgive people who’ve hurt us, one that has given us so much hope...

did not happen.

Arite, let’s have a look at what exactly was Darth Vader forgiven for, back in 1985:

walking into a room full of already dead people

choking one good guy

apparently he killed some jedi including Luke’s dad who knows how long time ago (I mean, to a 5 year old me Luke could have been anywhere from 15 to 35 years old)

being locked up with Leia and some syringed ball? they called it a mind probe later?

passively watching destruction of Alderaan which was aaaaaawesome one moment the planet was there and then pew pew it was gone

uuh... swinging his lightsaber at disappearing Obi-Wan?

piloting one of the TIEs during a military situation

choking some imperial officers, who cares

organising the worst “meet the in-laws” dinner in history

ordering Han to be frozen in carbonite

cutting off Luke’s arm, he gets a new one some 15 minutes later

he’s actually Luke’s dad?!?????

he does nothing in RotJ. nothing. oh, ok, he says “sister” in a creepy manner, it’s your daughter you’re talking about, you creep

So yeah. This is what he had to be narratively forgiven when he saved Luke and got his ass killed in the process. Additionally, the man who appears as a force ghost is around the same age as Obi-Wan, so 60? maybe even 70? Clearly, if he became Luke’s dad around the time he became Darth Vader, he couldn’t have been serving the empire for more than one third of his life and kicked ass with the good guys for the remaining two thirds. I’m so glad he found the absolution he clearly deserved.

And then prequels happened. And we got Anakin killing a whole village of sand people (off screen), slaughtering some 20 children (off screen), expressing desire to make the Empire his own and choking his pregnant wife because he had a bad dream. And this is only his record on the day he turns to the dark side. He’s in his twenties at a time, which means that he has spent half of his life as Darth Vader. 

Uhmmmm... no one said anything about killing children back in the 80s, right? But still, we can go with this. Because Anakin’s fall was tailored for his redemption – induced by possessive love for his wife, undone by selfless love for his son, manipulated just enough to be forgiven, terrible just enough for the payment to be his life. And anyway, there’s the whole prophecy thing. Thus originals and prequels form a complete story of Anakin’s fall and redemption. Apparently.

Because then sequels happen! Yahoo! And there was Vader 2.0, wow he can actually freeze blaster bolts in the air, impressive, anyway, can’t wait for the next generation of Skywalkers to appear. UUh, but there’s something wrong. Village isn’t slaughtered off screen, we watch the fire and hear the screams... Oh and then there’s the mind probe scene and mind probe is apparently a painful psychological violation, giving people connotations with rape... Vader 2.0 is this trilogy’s Skywalker?!!!!! Oh, and the destruction of Hosian system is nothing cool, there are terrified people on Couruscant... whaaaaaaaaa, he killed Han Solo, WHYYYYY?!!!!!!!! Oh anyway, maybe he’s adopted, Rey is the one worthy of being saint Anakin’s grandchild.

I think you get the drift. Violence is presented much more realistically in the sequels than either originals or prequels and consequently viewers are willing to see Kylo Ben as more evil than Darth Anakin – even though, appealing to the reason, Anakin has been serving the Empire for two decades which for Kylo to equal he would have to have joined FO when he was 10. But that’s it – we must not underestimate the power of visual representation. Describing something, insinuating it off screen simply doesn’t have the same impact as playing it out before our eyes. Still, after TFA it’s still simple to just say Kylo Ben IS more irredeemable than Darth Anakin.

But then Rouge One happens and Darth Vader shows himself as a goddamn killing machine he has always been, cutting and choking rebels like they’re butter. More, he chokes Krennic into subjugation, which has a completely different vibe to it than his anger/force insult it’s his dad you’re talking about! induced chokes in originals – this here is deliberate abuse of power.  And of course, there are all the remaining extended materials showing Vader as an actually evil character – not one we’re told is evil, only actually doing evil things.

So ask yourselves this – if Anakin’s story unfolded itself chronologically and with sequels’ uncensored depiction of war, if we have actually seen the Tuskans burn and scream in agony, if clone wars weren’t softened by villains being droids, watched all the padawans die at Anakin’s hand, then were granted 20 years of abuse of power, watched Leia get “mind raped” by man we knew to be her father, seen terror of Alderaanians, had prequels’ Obi-Wan for our childhood’s hero, force choking wasn’t framed as a pythonic comic relief, knew Vader cut off his son’s arm knowing the pain it gives and discovered that he’s still as power hungry as twenty years earlier – would Anakin’s redemption feel earned at the end? Would it feel real? Would it have that cathartic hopeful power which became franchise’s legacy? Because what, he didn’t let his kid get fried in front of him? He, who burned the world because he dreamt of his wife’s death? Or because he died early enough to not overtake the Empire?

Anakin’s redemption did not take place. Franchise’s message has been a lie all along – or a hypocrisy because why would Anakin and his mighty Skywalker blood grandson get redeemed but Dooku or Maul not? Clearly, Vader has done more evil than these two combined and Kylo Ren is now Palpatine 3.0 showing he was after power all along. Anakin’s force ghost? An illusion for children.

But it’s ok. Lies can give lasting fruits. Growing up is accepting they’re lies and going on with your life.

[suechoiart]

Movietastic Summer Week 1

Husband and I are having a movietastic summer this summer. Here are the seven movies from week one. 

#1 Citizen Kane (1941) dir. Orson Welles, screen play Orson Welles et al., cinematography Gregg Toland, feat. Orson Welles, Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay

Citizen Kane understands the medium of a black and white movie and exploits to its extremes to paint a portrait of a man whose life was always public. We learn more about Kane through Mr. Thompson, a reporter, who interviews and reads accounts about Mr. Kane. Visually excellent and the storytelling is marvelous. The twenty-something year old Orson Welles’ project is successful and it’s an apt precedent to movie making. 

This easily digestible blog post goes over some of the most celebrated aspects of Citizen Kane. [link] 

rating: would watch over-and-over again as a film student 

#2 The Big Short (2015)  dir. Adam McKay (Anchorman, Antman), screenplay Adam McKay, Charles Randolph, based on story by Michael Lewis, feat. Ryan Gosling, Steve Carell, Christian Bale, and Brad Pitt; and cameos (?) Margot Robbie taking a bath, Anthony Bourdain cooking, and Selena Gomez in Vegas.  Academy Award for Best Writing Adapted Screenplay

What’s so impressive is that EVERYONE brought their A-game to this rather pseudo-mockumentary (?). It’s based on a true tale (the 2008 crash) featuring depictions of real people, along with educational or narrative asides that ‘break the fourth wall.’ Adam McKay is a great director that understands and applies good composition. His cast become convincing portraits of these real people with their own motivations and fears. Despite telling the story of four main parties (and only two of them colliding) - the overarching narrative is very easy to follow. 

rating: would recommend everyone to watch it 

#3 Dune (1984)  dir. David Lynch, based on story by Frank Herbert, feat. Young Kyle MacLachlan, Patrick Stewart, and Lynch Fam: Jack Nance, Evertett McGill  budget $45 mil, domestic box office $30 mil (RIP)  Saturn Award for Best Costume Design

I still can’t really say what I watched. It’s very Lynchian in that everything - the plot, the themes, the symbols - just floats ambiguously into one big moving picture - but also the strangest Lynch product because it was... actually a linear story? It was an ambitious project. The set pieces and physical environment is quite stunning, but Lynch’s trademark CGI is honestly hilarious and detracts from the main course, if there is one. I’m glad to have watched it, but it does feel like a very, very loose adaptation of a Sci-fi epic. And Young Kyle MacLachlan is a treasure to this world. 

A really disappointed critic’s review that lays out all of the characteristics of Dune [link] 

rating: it was all a ruse for Blue Velvet

#4 Deadpool (2015)  dir. Tim Miller, featuring the dreams of Ryan Reynolds budget: 58 mil -> box office 783 mil !! 

We unintentionally watched the back-to-back double feature for Deadpool 2. This was my third time watching the movie and frankly it’s teethpulling. DP1 took risks in many different ways (i.e. making the movie) that it stuck to true-and-proven methods everywhere else (i.e. the entire movie without Deadpool as a character). The predictable 3-act structure coupled with “edgy” one liners gets old the third time. Regardless, I think this movie is extremely important to this nerd/Marvel era, and DP1′s incredible success is something to admire and celebrate. 

rating: does not deserve a fourth rewatch 

#5 Deadpool 2 (2018)  dir. David Leitch (John Wick 1), screenplay: DP1 writers, RR himself, and Rob Liefield, feat. Deadpool, X-Force, and that guy that played the other big Marvel villain  budget: 110 mil 

Christopher Orr of The Atlantic said, “At least as funny as the original Deadpool, and better in virtually every other respect: better plot, better villains, a few unexpected narrative swerves.” [link] and that reflects my impression of the movie as well. It’s a great entertainment - it couples the low-budget novelty of the first movie with better production and a more extensive narrative. It’s visually entertaining, the jokes are fresh again, and it continues to play into itself - meta jokes about the success of Logan, DP’s current oneliners about the “dark” DC Universe, ... It’s similar to the first movie, but a lot more exciting and better executed.  Regarding repeat watches -- we’ll have to see. 

rating: go watch it! 

p.s. The best part about the DP franchise is really the “fourth wall breaking” marketing aspect - an example: “Deadpool Answers Trending Questions” [link] 

#6 Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992)  dir. Francis Ford Coppola, screenplay: James V. Hart (Hook, Muppet Treasure Island) feat. Winona Ryder, Anthony Hopkins, Gary Oldman as Johnny Depp, and Keanu Reeves as Keanu Reeves Academy Award for Best Costume Design

This 1992 Dracula is a wonderful period piece. It deserves the Best Costume Design - everyone wears not only ‘period’ costumes but they all serve as additional symbols of identity, of their role, to each character. The only shame is that I think the movie lasted one act(?) too long. The visual plays that made it so, VERY, interesting (like the scene pictured here) are diminished in favor of the underlying love story behind Dracula. Coppola does not shy away from what makes DRACULA so incredible. Curious lust of cardinal pleasures, of the fear of unknown, of forbidden desires - these explode onto the movie screen. The movie leaps between themes of romance, horror, mystery, and period piece fluidly. 

The visual techniques actually reminded me a lot of manga - overlaying of different and related elements in one composition to set the pieces served really well to reflect the structure of the book (loose collections of clippings). There was a lot of visual storytelling, and again, I think that effort diminished towards the end. 

rating: 3/4 of the movie is great to study, the last 1/4 is forgettable 

#7 Blade (1998)  dir. Stephen Norrington (who?), screenplay: David S. Goyer (later writes Nolan’s Batman trilogy and Snyder’s abominations), feat. WESLEY SNIPES  budget: 45 mil -> box office 131 mil 

I have to admit that I have a soft spot for big cheesy films so Blade currently rests on the throne of my list of awesome cheesy films. Blade precedes Matrix, does a couple of things before The Matrix was ever put on screen (not necessarily well, but it does do it first). The action scenes and choreography are well executed. Wesley Snipes’ every physical move - from standing to fist pumping (see above) are so tight and memorable. The movie may not be the greatest thing put on screen, but it is so lovable! 

Curiously enough, my husband compared Blade to Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice (which we rank as the most tragic production of our time) saying that Blade anticipated all of the problems for BvS and did not make those mistakes... Turns out the movies share the same writer! Blade makes a better movie by not taking itself too seriously, and it’s all the more fun because of everyone having fun, committing to extremely over-the-top cheesy performances. 

rating: well-executed cautionary tale of ice skating uphill 

p.s. in the words of a friend, “I’m so happy that Deadpool paved the way for R-rated superhero films and Black Panther for black superheroes...” 

This has been so fun so far! Stay tuned for next week’s movietastic summer extravaganza.