#and it's gotten me motivated again
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writing something.... mayhaps...
#it's been FOREVER since i've actually written something#but my friends and i have been talking a lot about writing recently#and it's gotten me motivated again#also buddie just consumes my every thought
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I haven’t been obsessed with something as niche as Indigo Park in so long bro… I forgot how horrible being in a basically nonexistent fandom is😭 don’t mess with us Indigo Park fans, there’s like 5 of us
#I haven’t gotten the motivation to draw dunmeshi stuff for a few weeks I’m so scared#PLEASE please please don’t leave me dunmeshi obsession#I wasn’t done with you yet#but guys#I swear the day will come where I’ll draw dunmeshi#Undertale#and Sam and max again#i PROMMY#rambles
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can someone tell me how to keep going if your hardwork does pay off but you don't feel anything when you achieve your goal just relief and numb again
#ive been having a bad week again since the exam ugh😭#im really really REALLY trying to study but a little head in my voice keeps saying what is even the point of working so hard#which is soooo ridiculous because it's bc i worked so hard that i got great marks#but like. i didn't feel happy like i thought would. i just felt like 'oh. okay. cool'#and then i just. didn't even have anyone around me to celebrate with#which is idk kinda dumb i guess it's just an online exam#but like see. there are technically total 8 exams to become. um to get my degree#and i just cleared 1 of them#like that was a full 100 marks paper i studied for of that level and i did it#ive just never done this before not since this course ive always scored JUST above passing (not counting the times#i literally failed twice lol)#so yeah anyway it is big for me. but why doesn't it feel like anything 😭😭😭#and why hasn't this motivated me to work harder😭😭😭#idk i thought i had gotten over the 'just do it. just do it!!! just. do. it.' phase i was getting so many things done#but it feels back to square one now#man that book about habits was so right don't have goals have habits because when you do achieve your goal#you'll be like well now what? and slip right back into bad habits again#that's exactly what happened#i used to think lol achieve my goal that's never gonna happen im a shit person and a failure#but like what the hell!!! i did!!! so now what😭😭😭#i think i need a hug#but ive never really hugged anyone except one person and she's 4 years away now#i think i need. my dad to tell me he's proud of me. but he's already forgotten about it so that's not gonna happen#man the day i stop craving external validation. it's over for yall#ugh yuck i used to hate the word validation it always sounded so desperate and needy and pathetic. guess it was just#another form of self loathing lol#im not even sad im like genuinely asking. im trying to solve it like a math problem. like does anyone have the answer
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Time for me to put out a disclaimer before anybody gets the wrong idea because of my Link Click posting: My Chinese is actually not that good. I just try my best :3
I started learning Chinese so I can read danmei (Chinese BL novels) without having to wait for a translation. Naturally, I focused on learning to recognize written characters, especially those that tend to show up in web novels. Once, I downloaded a Chinese flashcard app, but the vocabulary decks I picked were on topics like Martial Arts, Chinese Medicine, Idioms, and other cool stuff that usually show up in web novels—which are handy for reading, but not really for conversations.
I took four Chinese classes for the mandatory language credit in my major, but in every one of them, I struggled with recitation and audio-based exams. (I can’t distinguish between tones for the life of me 😩)
But! I aced the reading and writing parts just fine. I’ve also taken classes in translation, linguistics, and sociolinguistics, and they have really supplemented how I interpret the language.
So yeah, for basic-intermediate Chinese literary stuff and translation meta, I’m your girl. But for native speaker insight, more cultural nuance, and anything else I might miss, I’ll direct you to my mutual @/rainibao
Lastly, don’t ever let me speak in Chinese. My ni hao will just sound like Vein’s 😔
#even with rigorous studying through youtube tutorials and a Chinese friend’s guidance#I still couldn’t improve enough to get a high grade in listening and speaking tests 🥲#my professor kept singling me out. it was horrifying#but thank god that’s over#and now I should really continue my chinese studies…#link click is making me feel motivated again#link click#miyamiwu.tl#miyamiwu.src#edit: oh and I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned all this stuff before#but I’ve gotten a lot new followers ever since yingdu started airing#so i might as well bring this up again
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Wow this sucks
#I’m literally gonna cry wtf#I’ve been trying to get back into writing so I was going through some old journals and reading the poems I wrote back in 2015#and I left my favorite pages sitting on top of my notebook on my bed and my family’s dog came in while I wasn’t looking and destroyed it all#like they’re completely gone#some of the few pieces of writing from my teenage years that I’m actually proud of and wanted to revisit and it’s completely destroyed#I’ve found 2 scraps and they’ve got about 4 words in total#this was multiple pages full of writing#this is so discouraging I don’t even want to write anything now#like I started taking an online poetry workshop last week trying to push myself out of my comfort zone and maybe possibly move in the#direction of trying to get some of my poems put out there#and I’ve been in a huge writing slump for the last like year#and I was hoping this might get me out of it but now I don’t have any motivation to do it#I just wanna cry#I can’t go back to being a teenager again I can’t rewrite the way I felt back then#and now it’s really gone forever#I’m so sick and im working 3 jobs and I just want to be creative again but I’m tired#and I’m about to get hit by this giant hurricane#I’m really overwhelmed I think this was just the straw that broke the camels back#brb gonna go cry myself to sleep over lost poetry#sorry this is me venting feel free to ignore this#vent post#will probably delete after I’ve gotten more than 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep
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"are you back???"
YESN'T
#ooc#I'M ALIVE but#since I have more followers here than my main thought I'd use to give visibility to the floods affecting Rio Grande do Sul#about 80% of our southernmost state has been affect so please keep your eyes on them and help if you can#BUT I haven't given up on my blogs nor my ocs yet#my old pc broke about 3 years ago and I lost all my stuff softwares#also been dealing with some IRL issues + chronic pain = my motivation to draw died#it wasn't much time since I've gotten a second hand pc but I haven't set up my drawing stuff yet (busy IRL)#also I have to relearn how to draw again since I barely touched paper and pen in 3 years#BUT STILL I've got a lot of ideas with Lavínia and my other ocs and I hope to get back to them soon#I want to thank everyone who kept on following liking and reblogging my old art#if anyone need me my main is @renah
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IS SPLATOON TRENDING BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE PISSED AT THE FEST RESULTS??? THIS IS SO FUNNY...
#splatoon#y'all know me y'all know im a fryehead until the end of time but this fest literally sucked so while im annoyed frye lost this is SO funny#i played like 5 games total this fest i literally spent the rest of my time in splat2#working on that 100% OE babey!!#anyways this was genuinely the worst looking fest we've ever gotten. im sorry i love you frye but holy SHIT the colors sucked#my already low motivation to play the fest bc i wanted to play OE made even lower by the awful colors and theme i dont care about#anyways. sploon art coming soon. drawin my ocs again
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list the first line of your last 10 (posted) fics and see if there's a pattern (tagged by @sunriseverse on main, tyty! 💛)
...i've only got 9 posted fics so we're gonna have to make do lol. talk about inspiration to get off my arse and finish some of my wips >.>
1. how to deflower your martial brother (wo jia dashixiong naozi you keng, dongfang wuqiong/gong changsheng) Gong Changsheng had noticed this when he was younger, the way Dongfang Wuqiong would sometimes press a hand to his chest as though in pain, the recurring cough he’d shrug off as a minor seasonal affliction. 2. what's in a name? (mysterious lotus casebook, di feisheng & fang duobing) He didn’t mean to keep it, but something about the helpless little bundle of cream-coloured fur had stirred his heart. 3. no takebacks (mysterious lotus casebook, fang duobing/li lianhua) Li Lianhua is teasing him about his supposed upcoming marriage to the princess again, in that way he does sometimes that’s more of a defensive mechanism than anything. 4. to gravity and the unknown (elder scrolls online, verandis ravenwatch/prince naemon) It’s cold. 5. you and me and a bottle of wine (baldur's gate 1, player character/xan) Beregost is a welcome sight after weeks of trudging up and down the Sword Coast at the mercy of the elements, the wildlife both mundane and monstrous, and the seemingly endless roving gangs of bandits. 6. hold me tight and fear me not (baldur's gate 2, player character/xan) The dark elves are not much for merrymaking, Ceru thinks as she sips at her second tankard of black mead; in all her travels, she’s never seen a tavern so quiet. 7. snow and repetitions of snow (elder scrolls online, mannimarco/vanus galerion) Vanus Galerion sank into his bathtub wearily, the troubles of the day weighing heavily upon him. 8. a light that does not flicker (elder scrolls iv: oblivion, hero of kvatch/martin septim)
Nevos could only watch, mute and uncomprehending, as Martin was enveloped in a blaze of light so bright it hurt his eyes to watch.
9. into the abyss (elder scrolls iv: oblivion, hero of kvatch/martin septim) Blue, all around him is blue, a placid calm sky that stretches on in all directions as far as he can see. taking "first line" as the first full sentence, which... lol. if there's any consistency in these it's that i am very inconsistent! past tense, present tense, rambling run-on sentences or just "it's cold"? no pattern no rhyme no reason baby!!!
tagging! @shararan @strandedchesspiece uhh i think i've seen this one around a bit, i'm not sure who else has done it! any writer friends who are interested pls feel free to do the thing and @ me about it 💛
#oof ow ough so much old bad fic#motivation to finish my wips for Real#patchy output bc i only started writing again last year after like a 4-year hiatus... of sorts. i was deep in RP stuff for a while#the thing about RP though is when that relationship implodes horrifically you don't really get to keep the resulting writing as a souvenir#(and probably don't really want to. it's covered in the fucking ooze. you know how it is (?))#oop that's enough tag rambling from me. ty for reading anyone who's gotten this far! 😅#text post tag#tag games#vayne writes stuff
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I feel uninspired and lack motivation for art again so I thought of an ask game for me :)
Send me(or comment) a number from 1-34 and I will draw my corresponding oc
I mentally struggled over whether I should make this post, because ik ocs are niche and probably not many people care for it, but I realized I could have been using those hours to y'know. Actually draw something. So I might as well just post it
#i would do it with AUs but i would actually have to yknow think of a narrative#<- but tbh if you have any requests for au art i will take them 😭😭#also w that and this i cant make any promises if ill actually finish them so please put up w me thanks 🙏#i want to draw but#ive gotten into a bad mindset again#about measuring self worth w outside validation#which is very irritating 😾 stop it brain.#but yeah idk i reblog those posts often abt niche audiences#which im very okay w btw :)#but its still a very difficult thing to engrain that: ah people do care for my art!#and ik its unhealthy to seek validation#and i can and do draw for myself#but its not always fun to me if i cant discuss it yknow :/#if catie makes a piece of art in a silent room does the art really exist? blah blah blah#i need to go suffocate myself in the snow#im happy my winter break is so long but at the same time i think it just puts me in a bad place mentally#lack of social interaction and lack of enrichment and no motivation ig :/#and every night i mean to actually go to bed earlier and boom suddenly its 5 am#and i keep staying up in hopes ill actually yknow start something. art. writing. movie even#and then i just languish UGH#catie.rambling.txt
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Has anyone else been stuck in a massive reading slump since mid january or is that just me
I am not okay.
#books#bookworm#bookaholic#reading#i want to read#I need to read again#my mental health is in shambles#im not okay#character ai has gotten to me too much#I think my reading motivation faded into elysium at this point
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had an idea for yet another big project…
#for once can i pls stop having creative ideas beyond my motivation level#basically… i was thinking about making mock movie posters for the canonverse & all of the main AUs. which.#off of the top of my head… that’s at least 12 different universes#yea the multiverse has gotten out of hand ok. it’s fine.#bc!!! idk i’ve gotten really into the multiverse idea & i kinda wanna get into it more on here#BUT. THEN. i thought what if….. i made another set of posters specifically for the mbz universe right. ok.#(i’m having mbz withdrawal)#which would be like. another 10 probably bc i could make a poster for all the different like. characters or storylines yk#red & teeth origin stories. cricket’s story. the monster boyz themselves. the raiders. the monster hunters.#etc.#there are a lot of characters ok#i really miss the days when i had simple edit ideas & could make an edit like. every other week#i just KNOW this is gonna take me a month at least#like i literally just finished a month’s long edit do i really need to do that again. do i.#PLUS i’m gonna have to give proper names to all of the AUs#the only ones that have proper names rn are the canonverse mbz & slaughter house#god & i still haven’t finished the mbz character page like RAI PLS#stick to one fuckin project!!!!!!!!#i literally. have a backlog of ideas i will probably never get to#it’s fine#rainyrambles
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This is technically a Diana's age poll but I framed it partially around Julia's rescue because that's the event I need to contextualize and whether or not Diana is a thing yet is p important for my purposes. I would keep the Pérez run and postcrisis continuity in mind when answering this bc that's when this is relevant but I'd keep in mind that even though Diana is very young there (like early 20s) we don't know I don't think if she ages differently as a child (esp as a themysciran AND being made from clay) and in some versions she is older than she looks and was made earlier
Edit: I accidentally logic-ed this out in the tags lol 🤦♀️but feel free to still vote however you want. Going to publish this anyway bc I think I made some good points later in my tags
#blah#the 45 years is a guesstimation of julias age w her being in her late 40s#bc she has a middle school aged daughter which would make you lean a bit younger but shes also highly respected prof at harvard (is she the#dept head? i think so. and has a career that would suggest older. and shes also drawn middle aged so 🤷♀️#i would say late 40s early 50s for her honestly. but i moved it down a lil bit bc of vanessas age#wait shit i may have contradicted logic here bc wasnt the diana trevor stuff supposed to have happened before dianas birth. and that was#wwii. which would be btwn 42 and 45 years. BC PÉREZ!TREVOR IS OLD I FORGOT THAT#okay so actually there still could be a question of what happened first the timeline would just be much shorter#but then wouldnt julias family be boating during wwii? that makes no sense#im definitely thinkimg too hard about this probably. logically it would make the most sense if diana was like 20smth in reality. but thats#its own basket of worms honestly. like what do you mean hippolyta only had like 20 yrs w her daughter out of a lifespan of thousands of#years. what do you MEAN she became champion and ambassador so young like#like also thats the point though. she had to wear a mask in the challenge for a reason. her inexperience with men is what makes her the kind#of ambassador they need. and her youth and relation to hippolyta and role as the baby of the amazons is one of the things that makes her#ambassadorship SO important is bc she fulfills that role in an ancient sense. where it would be a sign of great trust and respect to send#someone close to the crown as an envoy bc it shows you mean business and arent going to reneg on whatever the deal is. bc if you do they#shoot the messenger#god anyways i very much answered my own question here in the tags like 100%. esp in regards to the pérez canon bc he very much laid this out#and i was trying to weasel my way out of it. only that didnt work and the decisions he made he made for a reason and they have huge#narrative importance. damn. okay then#i always write the shittiest posts and the best tags and then have to keep the post to keep the tags#i rlly need to make these tags posts ugh. anyways keeping this up bc of my tags abt diana and ambassadorship#also sidenote I LOVE HIPPOLYTA#just though id mention that. i love how much shes motivated by love and i also love when she makes fucked up decisions bc of that and has to#live with them. woman of all time FOR REALS#god this is making me want to reread historia again lol bc its the one ww comic i own. also its fire. and hippolyta gets to make shitty#decisions motivated by emotion and live w the consequences. and the comic is actually good unlike when that happened in the messner-loebs#run. which was the other instance of that ive read rlly. 10000% sure there are others but i havent fully gotten there yet.#i mean ive read other comics where she makes painful decisions thats like her whole deal but there are different vibes to those than the two#i mentioned. like the exile thing in ww year 1 or rlly anytime she has to send diana away
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Godddd I LOVE the change on perspective of Ellington as you read atwq. Like she very much the "femme fatale" mysterious girl archetype (as much as someone who's like 15 can be a femme fatale) to the reader (because ofc we're seeing this through Lemony's perspective and L's gonna L) but then as we go along we have more and more holes poked in this picture L has built up of her until all the stuff we know about L almost comes crashing down in a way in the 4th book as we realize that LEMONY has been more mysterious more suspicious and altogether more "Ellington" than Ellington the whole time
#like HES the one with the mysterious past and strange connections and alterior motives and just UGH#like as his image of Ellington breaks down more and more as we learn more about her as we learn more about L and see the CHOICES he makes#the scale tips the other way#anyways ive been feeling the urge to reread atwq the past few days#esp since im taking a film study course and id love to reread it again keeping an eye for film noir inspirations and whatnot#also theyll help me crush my friends soul. on goodreads.#its gotten so competitive and out of hand etc. like im 8 books behind (started 2 months late) but im gonna kill her#she keeps threatening to unfriend me though 😭😭😭 bc i read mostly poetry classics adult fantasy and nonfiction whereas shes still#solidly into YA#blah#atwq#what was i saying again?
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There are two wolves inside me. One is trying to convince me to do extensive research for the job interview tomorrow and the other is saying “wing it”
#there’s yet another that’s saying ‘cancel it’ but no i want to do this#i’m just sick of working from home. it has made me realise that i have zero ability to self-motivate myself or to set up a schedule#and stick to it#(case in point: i’m on here at 10:19 on a thursday morning instead of working)#thank god i don’t have concrete deadlines to stick to because i would’ve failed all of them and gotten fired#anyway. to be honest i don’t know how much research i NEED to do? like i don’t know what they’re going to ask me#it’s either going to be a super informal interview where they basically have already made up their minds to hire me if i seem credible#or it’s going to be a long drawn-out process of structured interview questions and ‘tell me about a time you went above and beyond at work’#which… is a GARBAGE question i’m sorry. above and beyond??? girl i earned minumum fucking wage at my last job#i’ll go above and beyond when you pay me more than the bare fucking minimum. £12 an hour?? you’re lucky i showed up and didn’t steal stuff#i think my ‘research’ is just going to be making shit up to be honest#i have figured out where this place is geographically. i have looked at the website (which mostly just had pictures of a big pool)#i want to look at coshh guidelines and shit again and i want to make up some stories about me being an exemplary employee#because i know that just having been slightly above average is not enough. i’ve been slightly above average at most things my whole life#and it’s never enough#tbh i might just print out the job description and highlight the parts i already fit (so i know to talk about that in the interview)#and then find ways to make it look like i COULD fit the parts i don’t fit. or could learn to do so#i don’t want to doooooo this i hate job interviews. i hate bureaucracy#i hate having to beg for a job from companies that should be begging people to work for them#considering the fucking insane amount of duties they want to give you for fucking minimum wage. but anyway#if you need me i’m going to fight with my printer. it’s trying its best but ‘its best’ is not good#personal
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me whenever i roll an 11 on a d20: haha nice rqg 177 reference
#rqg#bluebird.txt#ben rolled an 11 on his sense motive right before 'i won't come with you unless you tell me where we're going on holiday zolf!'#this entire thing is SEARED into my brain SEARED i tell you#i can perfectly hear lydia's wheezing laugh right after zolf says 'you're such a dick come on' to wilde#i am normal about this show. i enjoy it a casual amount.#ive gotten out my dice again and have been rolling it on my desk as i sit here#ONE DAY THOSE ROLLS WILL BE IN A GAME MARK MY WORDS!!!!
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miss when i was younger cuz even tho i was still severely depressed and suicidal, at least i had still motivation and passion. now it's completely gone
#personal#tbf while i was still sickly then in terms of like my immune system being far worse... my chronic illnesses have gotten worse with age#back then i could draw without my hands locking up or i could run around for longer without the world spinning#now i have to be very careful with the things or i do or ill end up in having to get extra rest or worse. end up in the hospital#having to deal with these issues has unfortunately taken away my passion for things i once loved and im finding it hard to rekindle it#the good things i can say.. at least my immune system is stronger. my nutrition is better. im not in denial about (most of) my conditions#im just rambling out rn. i dont feel particularly good today. im sure that is obvious withwhat i say tho#its day like this where i wish i had my cat with me. i still miss her and im not sure i will ever stop missing her#i need to find my motivation again
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