#and it's far too long and somewhat non-cohesive to anyone but me

[basicallyyjustdogs]

I wanna be roadkill Find me a mile up ahead Lying there on the roadside Say, don’t worry now, it’s already dead

series 1: roadkill/longing

roadkill, searows // cyanotypes, emilio hernandez martin // hard times, ethel cain // child wearing a red scarf, eduoard vuillard // empty stomach, rachel sabini // thirstiness is not equal division, kaveh akbar // salvage, hedgie choi // ‘deer at night’, george shiras III // kinder than man, athea davis // best barbarian, roger reeves // ‘johannes land, suite no.2’, simon bang // my photograph // postcolonial love poem, natalie diaz // the dislocated room, richard siken // the moon rose over the bay. I had a lot of feelings, donika kelly // abstract (psychopomp), hozier // miniatures, cassandra de alba // from collected poems; between aging and old, jack gilbert // the favourite (2018), dir. yorgos lanthimos // unidad (oneness), pablo neruda // least of all, natalie wee

[tokiro07]

Undead Unluck ep.5 thoughts

[Don't Ya Wanna See UMA Clothes on Me?]

(Contents: Animation, griping)

Admittedly, I think this was the weakest episode so far, but that's to be expected since this was pretty much entirely a set-up episode and not one that really required too much allocation of budget

I still would have liked a bit more energy to it, though; while Apocalypse had that really cool moment when the Quests were being listed with the stylistic dark flames, Apocalypse himself had pretty stiff movements that, as I am always dreading, just looked like stills from the manga given animation cycles rather than being full bespoke animations

Clothes kind of had that too once his face came out, though I will say I really liked seeing how much difficulty it had forming into a cohesive outfit at first. I really got the feeling that he was trying to properly take shape but just didn't know how to do it

The Union's introduction was also somewhat lackluster, but that might just be because I've been building it up in my head for so long, a weakness that I've been anticipating for the last fouryearsandananime. I think other people won't have this issue, and newcomers especially will probably just accept it at face value as a cool moment where we're meeting the cast that we'll come to know and love later, but I think that the anime didn't quite go as far with making that scene its own as it could have. I liked that we actually got everyone's names and a brief preview of the fact that we don't know what their abilities are yet, but I think there must have been a better way to build hype for them than just...counting them one at a time

What I'm especially disappointed with, though...UMA Eat's intro was really lame!!! Burn was all shadowy, Sean had a little cutscene, Language was a bit more stylized and showed off what the language unification would look like, and we even got a little preview of Unrepair, but...Eat was just...mouths...floating...they weren't even actually chewing the food!!! I wanted the mouths to emerge from the darkness and start voraciously devouring whatever they could find, to show us a bit more than the manga since it's a UMA we'll likely never actually see, but...somehow it gave us less! It's such a minor little gripe, but it's indicative of what I don't like about a lot of anime adaptations - even if it's in isolation and other things took precedence, I still want an anime adaptation to actually bring the material to life! And that felt like the director or the animators or someone decided that that was a moment that wasn't important enough to bring to life!

Sure, it was a tiny moment, and sure, if something else needed the budget something needed to be trimmed down, but STILL! Even if it was just a little chewing motion, that would have been better than the mouths vaguely bobbing up and down! I'll likely forget about it by the time the next episode comes out, and it certainly won't color my interpretation of the rest of the series (not on its own, anyway), but in the moment it's disappointing to see

Oh, I also don't love that Shaft David Pro keeps clearing every non-Negator out of every scene. Andy and Fuuko being alone in a closed restaurant is really strange, and means that Andy can't make a point of ordering a third glass of vodka to represent Gina. Sure, it lets Fuuko cry louder since she doesn't need to be mindful of anyone, and the candlelit dinner is a bit more striking visually, but I feel that something is lost in having every scene take place in wide open, lifeless vignettes

I hate that I have so little good to say about this episode. I don't want to give the impression that I had a bad time, it's just that so few of the good parts were good in a way that was unique to the rest of the series so far, so I don't really feel any need to discuss them. They weren't novel, but the complaints are pretty specific, so I ended up focusing pretty much solely on them

To keep from giving too negative of an impression, I'll close by saying that I think it's good for an episode like this to happen; as a lower stakes, less bombastic episode, the surrounding episodes will feel so much more impactful, and with what's to come, this is a well appreciated chance to breathe

[rewordthis]

So one episode left…

Gate: �� Close?

How come we’re robbed of an episode this season? Season one was 24 episodes long. Usually anime with double the size of episodes are 24 episodes long. Could this be due to the recap I wasn’t able to find? Or because the animators are about to pass out from being worked to the bone?

⚠️Be warned: I rant ALOT this time around so don’t read if you can’t handle it. 🤷‍♀️

I see right and left people screaming at each other, especially those saying how this isn’t a nicely animated series being told off for ever mentioning something like that and that this season is literally killing the animators working for MAPPA because of the inhumane working schedule so people should be thankful to even get it and you know what? I held back all this time from saying it but it was nowhere near entertaining watching the show thus far save for some very specific exceptions.

Certainly not the nicely put-together series I loved from first season…

I keep comparing it to the first season and the movie and beside the five first episodes (not that these were stellar but still…), that many claimed it to be an artistic option to look like that, the series is decimated with bad scrip and awful flow and disturbingly bright colours that sometimes actually detract from the vibe. Not always! And I stress that because the Choso vs Yuuji fight was beautiful and Mahito’s deployment in Uzumaki was beyond pretty but the series are dark alright. It’s not exactly some neon-pop phantasmagoria to have that all the time. Also, the fight scenes have zero choreography and are often a mess that portrays nothing sort of non-cohesive stills here and there. Not to mention how annoying it is to have the luminosity suddenly drop from 100% to 30%. I have paused and rewinded FAR too many times trying to understand what’s going on to find it amusing anymore. All in all though, the worst part out of this season are the fights and I don’t think there’s anyone that caught whiff of what was going on without “rewinding” and pausing every frame — there’s no way you can enjoy something like this — unless you know, you have read the manga first... 😕😔

And in general let me break this down further by answering some really simple questions:

Are there incredible scenes? Yes.

Are there nice proportions and nicely portrayed characters most of the time? Yep!

Is the flow making sense? Somewhat?

Is the build up of the story engaging? Meh.

Are the fight sequences easy to follow with beginning, build up and climax? 7/10 no.

Animators are overworked? Then let them rest for fucks sake! I rather have the season postponed than have this… this “THING”! *waves hands wildly* This is not nice or good or desirable for both the fans and the workers. Give them time to sleep. Give the series time to come out properly. MAPPA managed to fuck up both its manpower and a popular series with one stone this time!

Honestly, I may come off as an ungrateful bitch and you know what? Think what you want, I may very well be one because it already sucks for me watching the series and knowing how much it sucks for the people behind it’s production; I can’t feel thankful for their efforts even more if it’s a product of frustration and pain. I feel disgusted by the executives for creating and prolonging this situation. I feel guilty for the animators working just to make their living. I hate the whole scheme of things inside and out of the anime industry. I honestly, honestly, would prefer the series went on hold until there was enough time to be produced normally and evenly. Just churning out episode after episode with shit quality simply because they need to ride the hype from the manga is not just bad business, is bad fan practice too.

If I didn’t know jack how the anime business in Japan works, I’d wish for the fanbase to turn their backs on this production but from what I’ve gathered projects get the guillotine treatment when there is no engagement. And it’s not like the employees can have a legal say on all this, as the Japanese law allows for companies that get negative criticism to file for defamation against whoever so much as speaks about them. I really hate that… 😤 Even worse, leaving a company is viewed as you not being a proper and cooperative employee in most cases, so you end up being undesirable for other companies. Unless these animators don’t have a back up plan they literally have nowhere to go if they leave MAPPA. Someone do correct me if I’m wrong, but I’ve come across many articles talking how this is a main toxic work trait in Japan. It’s why Nanami got killed, kids. Wake up!

But to make it perfectly clear, those who say that this season is not good? They have every right to say it if you’re just going to claim the bad working conditions in MAPPA. To be more precise, it is exactly what is shown in this season that makes it bad. It’s the mess in production that pours through and that’s why this is a badly animated series. Not just the wacky lines or the mad dimming etc. but also the scenario and the flow that are just… gasping to catch up to the events. No matter how much the animators work themselves to the ground producing amazingly beautiful imageries the problem remains the same; there’s a scenario that confuses and breaks off and leaves openings way too much to help the viewer follow the story and that is what a story is mainly told for. Each mean/medium (call it whatever) has a different way to tell a story effectively. Just because Gege wrote it that way in the manga it doesn’t mean that is the optimal way for the anime to play it out, too. It’s not that hard to understand that, is it? And that’s exactly what I don’t like this season. The scenario. The direction. The flow. That’s all I’m saying. Will I still watch it? Yes, because I like the story and the characters and more importantly it’s already out. I’m not having a say as to when or how an episode airs so I take what I’m given. Do I like the execution so far? Mmm… Some parts I adore, some I hate, and some are neutral as they should. Do I think it’s a masterpiece? Well, I’ll have to rewatch it with that specific question in mind to be able to answer this one. It sure is one hell of an effort, though. 🫤

Anyway, moving on from my rant — holidays bring out the worst in me, so ignore the negativity I give off in this post; let’s see what this episode’s good points were because I need to laugh this off somehow and let’s ponder on the new info we got from it… Shall we?

So! MeiMei bailed, huh? Same, not gonna play the bigger person here. But if she had the time to pick up her laptop, fly to Malaysia — ah, Nanamin where are you? 😭 — and treat herself a Merlot wouldn’t that mean she also had time to buy a bra? Girl! Put them melons away from UiUi; kid’s gonna die of nosebleed!

Yet, you’re flying out of Japan for what? To avoid the higher ups, I’m sure. All while tracking the stock market and telling your friend(?) that is at a completely different time zone too(!) to sell everything they have in Japan. And who is that friend you want to keep you in the loop? What loop??? To which country??? (The one country with a strong economic presence and a day/night deference I can think of is A… 😬) And so what if you move your assets? If the curses win, fuck the world! Not just Japan or the developed countries! 😑 That friend also knowing of jujutsu… I’m so curious, but also scared. This is Gege we’re talking about here. 😬

At this point though, I’m amazed that Kusakabe didn’t do the same already… Ah, but it’s not that he didn’t try, huh? With Panda around, not even crawling under a rock (rubble, but still— literally!) and playing dead didn’t work. lmao

No, he’s good, he’s good. I like my scaredy-cat to know where to draw the line and not feel ashamed of being afraid. His character is actually starting to grow on me okay?

Also, I take it he’s Miwa’s mentor? Why? How? I can’t even begin to explain why this is hilarious and wrong at the same time but I mean, he’s gotta be, right? The one moment Miwa was talking about her mentor (very vague her background story ngl — only notable thing the fact her hair are natural ciel! Whaw!) and the next Kusakabe enters the scene like… he’s gotta be her mentor!

His New Shadow Style slays btw. Didn’t expect it to be that powerful. The way he cut Mahito and left a crater… mhnnn 😳 I mean, MeiMei did say he’s super strong — Yuuji-level — but that was a new level of strong even when accounting for Yuuji as well… 😗

By the way, Mr. Braingoo going full-mode Geto before realising it himself... I laughed. HARD!!! I mean I was having a double take when he started explaining about Uzumaki to Yuuji, much like how Geto did during his fight with Yuuta. Oops~

���Geto! Give the Goo back!”

Mr. Call-Me-What-You-May laughing at himself has some good humour in him though, not complaining one bit here. He’s intriguing as a character. Waiting some good cooking from Gege with this one.

Now, my biggest issue in this guy was that he didn’t really let Yuuji’s fight with Mahito have a closure. I mean maaan? Why did you have to do that, Gege? I wanted to test my “Soul Portion” theory*[see end of post]! Not to mention, he really used Mahito’s abilities in Uzumaki against MIWA! BRO! Anticlimactic, Gege… 😗 Aah~

I even felt bad for Mahito — if you believe that! I actually pitied him at the end. He realised he was going to get betrayed “Because you are humans. (So I was right when I said in a previous post that this little fella (Brainy) was actually a human before, huh?) Because I was born from you (humans).” Because he understood the human nature. I still think this had something to do with my theory but Gege made sure we won’t find out. 🥸 It was interesting to see that Mahito was still ‘alive’ as a cursed ‘pill’, too. (How do you call them balls Geto’s technique turns those spirits into??? 🥶) And that all from Mr. Brainiac admiring Yuuji’s ‘durability’. He actually said: “even I am surprised”. And why him specifically? 🧐

Also, was he speaking to Geto or Mahito, when he said that he had also noticed the ‘other presence’ he felt? I got confused over this.

And panda asking if Yuuji was back to being normal. Huuuuuh… I’m just glad Yuuji reunited with someone as persevering as Panda. 😮‍💨

In that respect, I also didn’t understood to what exactly Panda referred to here. The Prison Realm? Or Gojo in the Prison Realm??? 🤨🧐 Darling be more specific?

And then Choso came back — and here I had started wondering what happened to him — sweet urchin buns came right in the moment. (I won’t talk about how cute he was all curled up in that curve in the wall, ok? I can’t! He was too cute!!! Gives him my handkerchief to wipe his tears… 🫠) And what revelations! 🫢 Yuuji is his brother? His BROTHER?! Choso is the Onii-chan, again?! 👀 Another buratha? No… I get it. He said it’s a side effect of his technique so he is actually related to Yuuji, if not by genes then surely by blood and technique. He also said he’s got three parents… Fuck Cramer vs Cramer. Fuck all custody battles ever fought. Gege just clowned every single one of them! 🤡 And Choso just going “my father who I hate, Kamo Noritoshi!” and Noritoshi actually asking “Me?!” I do not kid you as I say I HOLLERED!!! HAHAHA Darling you can’t be his papa, Choso may be a newborn into the world but he’s 150 years old!!! I want to know if the Thing still has Kamo’s technique in store, now. I’m curious. From what Choso said Mr. Goo could be the papa of Yuuji in a way, too??? O3O Does Yuuji baby have a blood manipulation technique he’s yet to discover??? @3@ And Brainy did say “even I”, to be sure, earlier… so he does have something to do with Yuuji. And we still are in the dark of Yuuji’s origins. Huff hufff huf! Whatever it is it’s in Yuuji’s blood though. In his body, I’d say but who am I. Choso made it clear that he’s got to have a blood relation to someone to feel the changes they go through. And he also specifically said that Kamo-jisan put his blood into the mix; potentially what gave a physical body (that’s why I say Yuuji’s body) to the cursed paintings… Hold on! Does that mean Yuuji and Noritoshi are also blood related? Are Yuuji and Choso the great-uncles of Noritoshi??? 🤯

Then Noritoshi actually opening his eyes to see Choso using Blood Manipulation Technique was funny as hell. He peeled those eyes wide open like I’m sure he’s never done before! Look at him! lol

Kusakabe, the poor man only just starting to connect the dots and realising how seriously fucked up everything (and everyone) is… Very relatable the stages of suffering this man goes through so far…

And Panda’s comment… Jujutsu Kaisen Omega AU trope just unlocked! Muhahaha 😈 Gege is such a damn yaoi fan, it brings joy to my fujo heart. lol

By the way, Yuuji not beating the omega allegations either. Kid shed the uniform not like walking into the battle but onto bed. 😭

Look at him pushing his hair back à la Sukuna style! 😎 (Bro! autocorrect kept changing Sukuna to skunk, and like, ok I get it? but also how about “NO!”? 😬) As for Panda still having two cores… does that mean we’re finally going to see what form his ‘sister’ is? O.O

Now, where the fuck Uraume flew into the scene from still mystifies me but one thing is for sure, it makes absolute sense to be Sukuna’s bestie. Wanting everyone slaughtered sure is the ticket to the King’s heart. haha

Also. Ice powers?! From how Noritoshi reacted it sounded like it’s a pretty rare technique. Wow! This gives such a ‘fresh’ vibe to the character. Not to mention, it somehow makes me believe that Sukuna may not be able to control ice that well — considering he’s got access to jujutsu through his own technique (the box) — as in, I think he’s able to use the five elements (maybe?) but not the different forms of specific techniques… Eh…??? 😵‍💫 Maybe that’s another reason why he kept Uraume around? Because of the rarity of that technique and the kinship of bloodlust was just a bonus? Not too stretched a hypothesis, right? And why are their characters starting to give off Leo—Virgo vibes? Is it just me?!

After Uraume’s entrance to the scene everything kind of got rather out of whack though. The use of Reverse Cursed Technique was the last straw for poor Kusakabe who must be feeling way too out of his waters with everything that’s happening right before his eyes. I mean, who can blame the man?

I’d want to go home, too, Kusakabe-san… 🥺

And then Choso not backing down, not stopping to try to protect the ‘little brother before his eyes’, totally amazing this dude right here. And let me just admit that I actually think this time the fight with Goo-jisan was infinitely more palatable than what I’ve seen this season. I’m just starting to appreciate him (Choso) more every time, even going as far to head on challenge Uraume! He turned and stared right at Uraume as the ice was about to pierce him! Man didn’t even flinch. I didn’t expect to feel so protective towards him, but he’s like a faithful dog that will get between you and danger, he’s so damn adorable! And in the nick of time, Yuuji saving Choso from Uraume… Ughhh~ *biting finger* Agh! Gege! Agh!

Or Uraume’s reaction to Yuuji moving through the ice, potentially hurting himself; “Whose body do you think that is?!” 😡 Um, hate to break this to you, Ura-chan but he thinks it’s his and so far he’s… right. Aha~ 😋

But that was nowhere near as funny as when I was shaking whole when Choso asked Yuuji to call him Onii-chan!!! LMAO Read the atmosphere, Chosooo!!! 🤣🤣🤣

Like… try it! Try it, Yuuji! You’re not getting off the hook this time! Haha

And just when Uraume was about to put everyone in the freezer for the year’s provisions… bam! Miss Yuuki is here to save the day!

I mean… how much more do you need to turn a shounen into a fetish series I don’t know, but you probably don’t need much more than what we already have in our hands here… That slow, upward close-up of Yuuki’s ass reflecting in Yuuji’s eyes was just the perfect example after the MeiMei scene, me thinks… 🫣🫢

Girl, you just got here?!

By the way… where is Yuuta? I’m still waiting for him since season one! 😩

Right… So— long post is long. I just had some time to sit and write a couple things before the last episode airs. I didn’t really managed to stay on top of this every week, even though I’d love to. I even tried to combine the previous two episodes but tumblr is being annoying with the number of pics per post and I also couldn’t finish writing everything I wanted before Episode 22 aired.

Anyway. Let’s see if I’ll have the time to write for the final episode, too since I have some more thoughts I want to talk about… or you know, I may as well do the reviews along a rewatch later on. :P

Thank you for staying with me and my crazy theories till now~ 😊 Do pardon my ‘angry’ rant on the MAPPA working conditions. But it’s a “those who are outside of the dance, know many songs” kind of thing.

✨ I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas Day and wish you Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year!!! 🎄 ✨

⛄️

Short excerpt from the previous episodes’ rant that I didn’t get to post on time for those of you wanting context: * Not to mention how I have this strange feeling that Mahito’s ‘soul’ is actually that blue eye. Like… why do I think that, I have no concrete proof or any indication whatsoever but I just think it’d be neat to have his ‘core’ manifested like that. We do say that “the eyes are the mirrors of the soul” after all. Not to mention, out of all the curses so far, Mahito is the only one that bleeds actual blood and not ‘curse juce’ so I thought that; hey, you know what? That’s because there’s actually a part of him that is human. That is very breakable. That even though he’s a curse through and through, being born out of the fear for humans has also given him some very human properties and weaknesses as well. I don’t know… maybe it would be nice for him to have misunderstood his own existence— to give some more depth to his character as a concept. Hm… 🧐

I’m actually going insane thinking this and I have a Head Canon that could be very plausible if Gege hadn’t gotten scared. That damn cyclops cat! Grrr

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 03/04/2021 (Lil Nas X’s “MONTERO”, Mimi Webb, Russ Millions & Tion Wayne)

So, we have a #1 debut, and that’s pretty much the only story here in the UK Top 75 as we get a filler week before Demi Lovato, Olivia Rodrigo and Lil Tjay run in and cause havoc. As for now, “Wellerman” is replaced at the top by Lil Nas X’s controversial “MONTERO (Call Me by Your Name)”, spending its first week at #1 after making pretty sudden gains assisted by the video and alternate versions – the mid-week projection had this at #15. Elsewhere, we just see the fall-out from Bieber. Welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

It’s a quiet week – only seven new entries, and none from Rod Wave, 24kGoldn or AJR as I had predicted. That doesn’t mean there isn’t some stuff to talk about within the chart, or particularly off of the chart, as we have a fair few drop-outs switching their places with returning entries. In particular, we have Justin Bieber’s “As I Am” featuring Khalid being swapped out for “Anyone” at #25, as well as drop-outs for “Arcade” by Duncan Laurence – slightly premature, I’d think – and all of Lana Del Rey’s songs from last week. We also “Anxious” by AJ Tracey, “Heat” by Paul Woodford and Amber Mark and “Toxic” by Digga D exit the chart, but the only real notable loss was “34+35” by Ariana Grande ending its 21-week run on the chart. Returning to the Top 75 in its place – which I cover – we have “Mr. Brightside” by the Killers of course at #73, as well as “Midnight Sky” by Miley Cyrus at #72, “You’ve Done Enough” by Gorgon City and DRAMA at #70 (really hope this one becomes a hit) and “Don’t You Worry About Me” by Bad Boy Chiller Crew at #66. In terms of climbers and fallers, we do have some notable gains and losses. For songs travelling down the chart, we have “Patience” by KSI featuring YUNGBLUD and Polo G tanking a sharp drop in its third week to #18, “Streets” by Doja Cat shaking off the video gains at #22, “drivers license” by Olivia Rodrigo continuing to collapse at #27, another sharp drop for HVME’s remix of Travis Scott’s “Goosebumps” down to #34 probably due to ACR, which was probably the fate for “Get Out My Head” by Shane Codd at #46. The same probably can’t be said for Drake’s losses, as “What’s Next” is at #40, “Lemon Pepper Freestyle” featuring Rick Ross is at #41 and “Wants and Needs” featuring Lil Baby stalls at #55. We also see falls for “Money Talks” by Fredo and Dave at #50, “Bringing it Back” by Digga D and AJ Tracey at #51, “Sweet Melody” by Little Mix on its way out at #57, “Headshot” by Lil Tjay featuring Polo G and Fivio Foreign down to #61 off the debut (although it’ll rebound thanks to the album as soon as the next week rolls around), “Ready” by Fredo featuring Summer Walker at #62, “You’re Mines Still” by Yung Bleu featuring Drake at #63 and “Day in the Life” by Central Cee at #69. Where it gets interesting are our gains, such as outside the top 40 with “What Other People Say” by Demi Lovato and Sam Fischer which could very well get even higher next week thanks to the album. We also have “Track Star” by Mooski at #53 off of the debut and a couple of tracks entering the top 40 for the first time, those being “Heartbreak Anniversary” by Giveon at #39 and Majestic’s remix of “Rasputin” by Boney M. at #38. Elsewhere in the top 40, we have “Let’s Go Home Together” by Ella Henderson and Tom Grennan at #13 and two songs marking their first week in the top 10, those being “Little Bit of Love” by Tom Grennan at #10, a song continuing to sour on me, and “Your Love (9PM)” by ATB, Topic and A7S, an EDM song at #8 that I initially mocked for its soulless repackaging but has honestly got me pretty hooked since. I’m excited to see how this one does. For now, however, let’s get on with our new arrivals.

NEW ARRIVALS

#64 – “Cloud 9” – Beach Bunny

Produced by Joe Reinhart

Beach Bunny is a power pop band who last year released their album Honeymoon on Mom+Pop and it’s basically a modern r/indieheads staple in that it’s an accessible, airy pop-rock record fronted by a woman. It’s not anything unique, really, or different if you look further into it but that’s fine because there’s a lot of vaguely “indie” or music snob releases pushed out every year that miss the charts entirely. It’s a different story, however, when a year later, it gets viral on TikTok and streams its way onto the chart. In that case, we have “Cloud 9” by Beach Bunny, a pretty simple but sweet love song about a guy who just makes her feel a lot better about herself in times where she can’t pick herself up from the rut she’s in. Again, it’s a simple track but enhanced by the wonderful and unique vocal performance from front-woman Lili Trifilo and some pretty great production making sure no guitar lick is missed in this mix, especially in that chorus which is such an ethereal blend of the electric guitar dubs. I would argue that this actually should end at that second chorus even if it ends feeling abrupt as the transition to the final chorus feels a lot less cathartic than it does awkward, especially if the bridge is going to be a simplistic, quirky instrumental meander that doesn’t go far enough to be a guitar solo and hence feels kind of like a worthless addition. As is, this is a pretty great song still, just not the most fully realised once it loses that initial tight surf groove, though I’ll let it pass if we’re going to get rock this good on the charts again. I know this won’t really get more traction for Beach Bunny – or power pop for that matter – but more of this, please.

#52 – “You All Over Me” (Taylor’s Version) (From the Vault) (Remix) (feat. DaBaby) (Part 2) (Radio Edit) – Taylor Swift featuring Maren Morris

Produced by Taylor Swift and Aaron Dessner

Sadly, this does not feature DaBaby and is not the remix, radio edit or sequel to any previously released song. Jokes aside, I guess brackets are the next big comeback for pop music, which goes hand-in-hands with remixes and re-releases, hence why Taylor Swift is dusting off this leaked Fearless-era cut for a new recording with country singer Maren Morris, who you probably know from her contributions to Zedd’s “The Middle”. Now whilst Swift is a great songwriter, I do often find myself frustrated by how she treads common ground all too frequently without establishing much different with how a song is structured or how it emotionally connects. This is true not just lyrically but especially sonically as of recent, as despite being written in 2008, it has too much in common with the less interesting cuts off of folklore for me to really care that much. That’s especially if Taylor’s going to undercut the clean acoustic guitars with flourishes of harmonica and crow sound effects, showing some genuine intrigue here before refusing to let any of that develop past a couple stray melodies or notes further back in the mix. I’m trying really hard to be compelled by these re-recordings and re-releases of her back catalogue as I do consider myself a fan, but it’s tough to pay attention when any new compositions we get sound like folklore leftovers with Maren Morris only put to use as decoration, much like HAIM on “no body, no crime” – and we already got an album full of folklore leftovers. I’m not a fan of this, sorry – I can see the appeal, and I do think this has enough of a country tinge to it to make it at least somewhat interesting – but this goes in one ear and immediately out of the other.

#48 – “Tonight” – Ghost Killer Track featuring OBOY and D-Block Europe

Produced by Ghost Killer Track and Kenzy

Screw the formalities and screw the analysis because D-Block Europe are back to add another D-Block to their EU collection – and since they’re Londoners, their only – and that’s Paris, and contrary to the British nature, we’ve let French rap chart in the top 50 out of the fact that they collaborated with two of the most comical rappers in British history. They’ve also linked up with producer Ghost Killer Track, also from France, as this is ostensibly his song even if he intends not to prove himself with this dull piano-based beat and oddly-mastered bass and percussion, which are really just DBE staples. Unfortunately, past the initial comedy of that first line in the chorus, neither Young Adz or Dirtbike LB deliver any stupid lyrics or funny inflections, instead just resorting to being as boring as they can in their constant flexing as possible. I guess the French guy here, OBOY, commands a higher energy in his verse if only through his comical “no, no, no” ad-libs, but he’s the only French speaker in an otherwise basic British trap song that I just cannot see the appeal in when we’ve had song after song from these guys for three years now. This won’t be the last we see of cookie-cutter UK rap this week though so brace yourselves for that.

#47 – “Last Time” – Becky Hill

Produced by LOSTBOY

It’s almost as if the charts are trying to send me off to sleep as here we have Becky Hill, a singer hedging the line between a non-presence and mildly annoying, which is arguably more frustrating than downright infuriating as her slightly smokier voice does not sound bad, just lacking in texture in every way, especially if the multi-tracking is going to be this minimal on a royalty-free deep-house beat produced by Getty Images with a pretty worthless drop, a generic and simple melody of piano stabs for major chords, and a whole bunch of reverb on the vocal take... but it still ends up feeling dry as there’s nothing here to quench that thirst for a tighter, bass-heavy house banger or even a more ethereal, dreamy trance track, deciding to stick to a healthy medium of boring and utter garbage. Yes, that was a singular sentence. I’m not awake enough to form a cohesive sentence less than 40 words long, and this new Becky Hill track is just worsening that if anything. Speaking of...

#21 – “Body” – Russ Millions and Tion Wayne

Produced by Gotcha Bxtch

Who’s Russ Millions? He’s Russ. No, not that Russ. British Russ – or Russ Splash, stylised as Russ splash on Spotify and nowhere else. This confusingly-named fellow appeared on the charts a couple times and possibly most famously with “Keisha & Becky”, a song also featuring Tion Wayne that is referenced on this very track. Sigh, I usually like Tion Wayne but even he can’t be bothered to delivery his usual brand of suave charm or sinister menace, instead opting for a more growling but ultimately completely monotone cadence that doesn’t flatter him or Russ, who one of my friends described as sounding like one of the aliens from Toy Story. This is a pretty by-the-numbers drill beat too, and it’s pretty safe to say that neither Russ or Tion Wayne here are going to bother with wordplay, even when they start pretty smoothly trading bars and Tion Wayne goes for a more unique chopper flow in the second verse. This is just not of any note. Once again, speaking of...

#17 – “Good Without” – Mimi Webb                        

Produced by Freedo

I assumed Mimi Webb debuted this high because of a talent show she won or something because I’d never heard her name but instead, she just happened to have a major label deal before her unreleased song just happened to go viral on TikTok and just happened to be supported by one of the women who just happened to be the biggest creator on the platform. Yeah, and this song just happened to be garbage, suffering from every possible millennial pop trope and then some, from the mix dressed rather too overtly in reverb, the ugly guitar pluck, a generic indie-girl voice that you swear you’ve heard before in one of those dreadful piano covers of popular songs they use in adverts, as well as this ballad being undercut by badly-programmed trap percussion. I can tell this label is trying to create somewhat of an Olivia Rodrigo phenomenon from this and I for one am terrified of the Poundland knock-offs to come. Screw this.

#1 – “MONTERO (Call Me by Your Name)” – Lil Nas X

Produced by Roy Lenzo, Omar Fedi and Take a Daytrip

At least Lil Nas X will bring some passion into this chart week? Well, not really, as when I hear this I recall that Pitchfork review of his EP, a much-maligned critique that featured the ever-so pretentious questioning if Lil Nas X really enjoyed making and listening to music. It reminds me because I think I now fully get it – at least when Lil Nas X was making slap-dash pop rock with Travis Barker or meme-worthy country rap with Billy Ray Cyrus for less than two minutes apiece, there was something invigorating in the execution or at least in concept. That 7 EP is still not a bad debut at all, but this new single “MONTERO”, a long-anticipated record that went from constantly-teased demo to Super Bowl commercial to Satanic-panicked videos of Lil Nas giving Satan a lap-dance to own the conservatives, has the same remote dreariness to it as “HOLIDAY” did late last year. The acoustic, Latin-flavoured guitar loop reminds me of his much better track “Rodeo” from that aforementioned EP that used its energy for similarly lighthearted subject matter but with some genuine energy, a Cardi B feature and a lot less subtle moombahton creeping in. With that said, I can’t say Lil Nas X didn’t try, as his vocal performance, whilst largely insufferable and strained, gives some energy to an otherwise aggravatingly stunted beat, and makes it a lot more infectious than it has any right to be. Content-wise, the song is essentially about a full circle where Lil Nas X becomes increasingly desperate for a man who starts off lonely and in a bad place, and the irony is that Lil Nas gets more explicitly sexual and crazed due to a combination of the LA life-style surrounding him and the fact that he’s simply, for lack of a better term, “down bad”, despite the fact that this guy doesn’t seem particularly desirable. Lil Nas knows this, though, and acknowledges it in the pre-chorus where he outright says that this guy is living the cocaine-addled celebrity life, but not living it right without Mr. Bullriding and Boobies in his life. I’m happy about the video and the outrage it seems to cause not just within conservative spaces but also amongst the hip-hop community, particularly Joyner Lucas, and I’m pretty happy with how out and proud Lil Nas X is about his sexuality, even if it leads to lines like “Shoot a child in your mouth while I’m ridin’”. I’m just really not a fan of this song past its content, which could really be interesting but falls flat with this plucking production that wastes time in barely two minutes with humming interludes. It’s not bad at all, just not for me.

Conclusion

And that concludes our week, and wow, what a bad week this was for new arrivals. Admittedly, it’s a filler week so only “MONTERO (Call Me by Your Name)” will probably last – or at least we can hope as even if I don’t like the song, I still have to give out an Honourable Mention to someone, and it may as well be Lil Nas X trying to put the effort in. Best of the Week easily goes to Beach Bunny for “Cloud 9”, far and away the only good song here, with Worst of the Week also going out pretty easily to Mimi Webb’s “Good Without”, which is the type of soulless, unmemorable garbage that makes pop music look uninspired, and as a person who writes about the charts constantly, it’s a misconception I don’t want proven or revisited. Dishonourable Mention is a toss-up but I guess I’ll give it to Russ Millions and Tion Wayne for that sprinkle of drill disappointment that is “Body”, and that’ll be it for this week. I predict some impact from Demi Lovato, Lil Tjay and especially Olivia Rodrigo next week, but for now, here’s our top 10:

Thank you for reading – sorry for the grouchiness on this one – and I’ll see you next week!

[therealnotta]

serious rant about death and eating the rich, fair warning

man sometimes it feels like a lot of people are just being edgy all the time without meaning to be 

like, saying that we should kill the rich. i get the sentiment, and i support it, but if you take it literally isn’t it disturbing? and i don’t mean in a “you’re no better than them” way, just in a “death is pretty freaky to see” way 

like ive seen someone die before, in person, and it’s terrifying. knees-buckle, memories-blocked, nightmare-inducing kinda terrifying, and that was with a pretty non-violent and somewhat expected death. i couldn’t do that again, and i definitely could never force someone else to see that, it’s traumatic, and it’s not something that’s going to bother the dead person for long 

i just feel like it’s something people haven’t thought through in a lot of cases. like, sure, if you’ve seen death and you’re chill with it? i’m not going to get on your case about it. but it feels a little insincere, a little inconsiderate to hear so many people making jokes about killing other people, especially when it’s hard to say anything critical about it. not in a “i should be able to make fun of whoever i want” way, just in a “i agree with the sentiment but not the reality and am struggling to separate the two” way. i don’t want to see anyone die again. i don’t want anyone to be forced to watch a family member die again. i know that these people deserve it in a lot of cases, but the thought of inflicting that abject terror on someone else is where i have problems with it. 

just... make sure you know what you’re ok with and what you think is too far. really think about it. not in a “yeah, these people who hurt me should pay,” but in a “how will witnessing death affect me and those around me?” obviously, some of you know this firsthand. this isn’t directed towards you. this isn’t directed towards people who have put the thought into it. it’s more towards the younger people who picked up a phrase and think it sounds cool. and like i said, the sentiment? i get it. i agree. eat the rich. but that reality is too horrifying for me to consider. i know people are living it worse rn. i know that this isn’t the worst timeline. but i just can’t even consider it. this doesn’t feel like a trigger, just a pet peeve. 

death doesn’t happen like in the movies. it’s quiet. it’s slow. it’s fast. it doesn’t stop for plot armor. it doesn’t care what you still need to get done. it doesn’t care if your kids have to watch it happen. it doesn’t care who needs you. it takes you anyway. and it doesn’t make sense why seeing it is so, so scary, but it is. it’s the scariest thing i’ve experienced. watching a loved one just... stop. and then you’re numb, and that goes on for months. and then that fades, and everything just.... hurts. i couldn’t care less what happens to the rich. they won’t see it. they won’t see whoever loved them feeling numb, or their kids not really understanding what happened, or even the random strangers who saw it happen being traumatized. i can’t tell you how horrifying it is to see so many people so carelessly talk about it. i can’t comprehend it, other than it not being meant literally. 

i know this isn’t making sense anymore. it’s not very cohesive, and i recognize that right now im pretty upset and not thinking straight. tl;dr, don’t talk about killing the rich before you really consider what that entails. seeing death is pretty scary. 

[themostrandomfandom]

Hi! How would you personally rank the seasons of glee from your favourite to your least favourite & why?

Hey, @sitandsingtoyou!

Since I watch Glee almost exclusively for the Brittana, it’s probably no surprise that their narrative treatment is the single biggest factor that determines how I feel about any given season. 

If Brittana have a prominent, well-wrought arc from season premiere to season finale, then chances are I’ll like said season no matter what shenanigans are going on with other characters or storylines. 

The same is also true in reverse. 

That said, for the purpose of answering this ask, I also considered factors like the overall storytelling (beyond the Brittana of it all), the music, the presence of any standout episodes, general cohesion, etc., when making my rankings.

The final list appears after the cut.

WARNING: Here be strong feelings about Glee and more than a little bit of negativity about its writing and production. Note that the views expressed in this post are the author’s personal opinions based on her preferences, and they may very much differ from your own.

___________

In order from favorite to least favorite:

S6: As I discussed in this post, in addition to providing our girls with the happy ending they always deserved, S6 offers much of the best-written, most fully-developed, adorable, emotional, poignant, and narratively-satisfying Brittana we get throughout the series. We’re talking fanfic quality stuff, and not just in bits and pieces here and there but basically across the board in every episode in which Brittany and Santana feature. While there are a few things I’d change, on a whole, I can’t think of a more enjoyable canonical culmination to Brittana’s journey. As for the non-Brittana stuff, while there are, admittedly, some really low lows—many of the middling episodes of the season are an affront to screenwriting—there are also some suprisingly pleasant turns. Don’t tell anybody, but I actually love most of the New New New Directions and find the storylines that focus on them (as opposed to the adults of Lima and alumni advisers) kind of delightful. While the series finale itself somewhat underwhelms me, the flashback sequence at the end of episode 6x11 totally makes me cry. A lot of this season is about getting back to what made Glee fun and likeable in the beginning: good tunes, camp gags, and stories about a ragtag group of underdogs overcoming adversity through love and music. In general, I feel like S6 does a nice job tying up the loose ends for glee club members old and new and fulfilling the main thesis of the show (“Something is special because you are a part of it”).

S2: Brittana’s S2 storyline is one long, amazing roller coaster ride of emotion. It’s hard to describe exactly what it felt like watching it all play out for the first time as the episodes were originally airing; I hate to use the word “special” because it sounds so quaint, but it’s kind of the only term that really fits. Because the “Sex is not dating” line in episode 1x13 was initially treated like a one-and-done deal, going into S2, no one in the fandom really expected to see a fully developed Brittana romantic storyline—and yet that’s exactly what the Back Six gave us, and each successive Locker scene brought elation, heartache, fear, hope, and continued anticipation. Nothing beats S2 Brittana angst, and especially not the Hurt Locker, which is far and away the ship’s pièce de résistance. Then beyond the Brittana, the rest of the season is generally high quality, at least as far as Glee goes. There’s some nice tongue-in-cheek comedy, iconic scenes, and heartfelt character development, plus episode 2x19 is one of the show’s musical high points overall. As always with Glee, some pitchy moments sneak their ways in and a few episodes beg to be forgotten, but for the most part S2 is Glee in its stride, and it’s held up well over time.

S1: Since Brittana are not yet main characters, they don’t have a main text S1 storyline, per se. Still, when you fill in the gaps, there’s a lot going on with them on a subtextual level, enough so that rewatching S1 knowing what will eventually happen in later seasons will provide a strenuous cardio workout for any serious Brittana shipper. There’s plenty of excellent Heya improv to go around, and the classic “Brittana on the back row” can’t be beat. Plus, Brittana’s mini-arc with Finn between episodes 1x14 and 1x15 is heartbreaking. Still, the reason why I rank this season so highly has less to do with Brittana in particular than it does with overall quality: Simply put, I think that Glee had a better idea of what it was about during the first thirteen episodes of S1 than it did throughout much of the rest of the series. While later on the show would struggle to balance comedy and drama, realism and camp, trying and failing to be all things to all people, in the beginning, it was just an earnest, theatrical little show about nerdy choir kids trying to find their places in the world, and it didn’t take itself too seriously. Though many of the S1 storylines were schlocky—hello, fake Schuester pregnancy!—there were more than enough heartfelt performances and excellent character moments to balance them out. For instance, for as much as I generally dislike Finn, the “I’ll Stand by You” scene in episode 1x10 is so well done on every level. Whatever Glee became in its later seasons, in S1 it was at its core still good. It hadn’t forgotten what it was all about yet.

S3: Now we’re getting to the bottom of the barrel. I rank S3 fourth on my list not because I really enjoy it all that much but because it’s less terrible than S5 and S4, at least imo. The season’s biggest issue is that it’s all over the place in terms of quality. Sugar was a blessing, but Rory not so much. Likewise, on the Brittana side of things, there are some really high highs—our girls officially start dating! they share their first on screen kiss! they have a fabulous time at their senior prom together!—but there is also the giant bugbear that is Santana’s “coming out” arc, which is awful on so many levels. The writing and characterization for Brittany and Santana vacillates wildly throughout the season. In some episodes, like 3x04 and 3x13, it’s really great. In others, like 3x16, it’s utterly headache-inducing. And it’s not just our girls who suffer from spotty writing throughout the season; Quinn’s storyline is a complete mess, and Sue is an unbelievable Yosemite Sam caricature of herself whose exploits are so exaggerated that they make it virtually impossible to suspend one’s disbelief enough to enjoy her scenes. While the Troubletones are a musical highlight for the whole series—and the “Rumour Has It/Someone Like You” mashup is the best musical performance in all of Glee, hands down—a good soundtrack doesn’t make up for some of the season’s more glaring deficiences, and especially not the way Santana’s storyline was treated both inside and outside the universe of the show. Though there are a handful of S3 episodes I will rewatch for my own personal enjoyment, there are many that I’d prefer not to recall. S3 was the first season of Glee to bring in new regular writing staff beyond RIB, and with all its inconsistencies and the disuniform quality of the episodes, unfortunately, the inexperience really shows.

S5: With the exception of episodes 5x12 and 5x13, I hate almost everything about S5—and, yes, that includes the majority of Santana’s NYC episodes. I get that Heather Morris was largely off the show during this season, so it’s not that I blame TPTB for pairing Santana with Dani or making her Hummelberry’s sidekick. It’s just that it breaks my heart watching Santana repeatedly throw herself against a brick wall as she tries over and over again to win Kurt and Rachel’s friendship and trust, always to no avail (see here and here). In theory, Hummelpezberry could have been a really fun brot3—god knows that myriad fanfic authors have been able to pull it off to great effect—but in canon it never really worked, largely because the writers were reluctant to stop using Santana as a convenient heavy whenever they needed to generate synthetic conflict in an episode, even though she had long since ceased to function as an antagonist in terms of her narrative arc. While there were plenty of zingers and jaunty musical numbers in the Loft, I could never really enjoy them because the happy times never lasted. Santana was made to feel like an outcast in her own home, and for someone who loves that character as much as I do, it hurt to see her feeling so lonely and ostracized. Once she ran off into the sunset with Brittany, things took a turn for the better. Still, there were really only a handful of bright spots overall. Anyone who’s read TKTD knows that my second favorite ship on Glee is Samcedes, and I did truly enjoy the cute little romcom that was their 5B storyline. I also loved the Sancedes and later Brittanacedes friendship moments on the tail end of the season. But in general, everything felt strained and disjointed, and my ultimate sense is that the tragic early loss of Cory Monteith proved an insurmountable hurdle for the season’s creativity and writing direction on a whole.

S4: I liked the production of Grease, but otherwise this season was one long fail from start to finish, and there is not a single episode out of the twenty-two that I at all care to revisit. Though I’ve been able to rationalize and justify and meta my way through the Brittana arc, doing so is just more intellectual and emotional trouble than it’s worth. Throughout S4, the depiction of every established character including our girls seems OOC, some to an incredibly noticeable degree. Sam Evans, whom I loved in S2 and S3, absolutely gets trashed, going from a goofy, lovable dork to idiot Finn Hudson Version 2.0. Episode 4x04 represents one of the worst and most misguided writing decisions I’ve ever seen made on a primetime TV show. That a group of professional screenwriters would sit down and say, “Let’s break up three of our flagship couples not for any good or compelling narrative reason but simply because we want to ‘spice things up’ and see how our heavily-invested, emotionally vulnerable, primarily teenaged and young adult audience reacts!” boggles the mind, as does the fact that they were then surprised when their viewership numbers dropped off dramatically thereafter. I do want to say that I liked Marley Rose, Unique Adams, and Kitty Wilde, though I otherwise found the New New Directions kind of meh. Overall, this season is the one that seems to stray the farthest from Glee’s original premises and spirit. There isn’t much that’s fun, triumphant, or satisfying. There’s just a lot of racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, cultural insensitivity, bad writing, and miserable story arcs in scads.

Thanks for the question!                                  

[pass-the-bechdel]

LOST full series review

How many episodes pass the Bechdel test?

48.33% (fifty-eight of one hundred and twenty).

What is the average percentage of female characters with names and lines for the full series?

32.08%

How many episodes have a cast that is at least 40% female?

Twenty-four.

How many episodes have a cast that is at least 50% female?

Two.

How many episodes have a cast that is less than 20% female?

Six.

Positive Content Status:

Though the female characters themselves tend to be high-quality characters who provide a strong undercurrent of positivity, ultimately this is a very solipsistic-straight-white-male-driven narrative, and that makes for an uninspiring and sometimes infuriating counterbalance (average rating of 3.01).

Which season had the best representation statistics overall?

None of the seasons did consistently better than the rest, with the various statistics fluctuating over the course of the series and never trending conclusively in one direction or another. Consequently, different seasons perform best depending on how you cut the numbers - that said, season four rises to the top of the heap by averages, despite never turning in the best score for any criteria, while season two was more of a standout in terms of scoring poorly less often than the rest, even if it didn’t match that with especially positive marks. 

Which season had the worst representation statistics overall?

Again, while not consistent, season one does tend to shake out at the bottom (more confidently than any other season attempts to achieve the top-end, at least), while season six is usually the next rung up. The middle part of the show is the better part for representation, is the conclusion.

Overall Series Quality:

Powerful, wonderful. Not without flaws, no, but as far as existentialist character drama is concerned, you can’t beat it. It rocked the industry back when it was on tv, and it damn well lives up to the hype to this day. You’ll not find another like it.

MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) under the cut:

Not gonna lie: I actually took a huuuge break between writing that not-much-of-a-season-six-review, and writing this. I didn’t intend to, I just...how the fuck to summarise this show in a somewhat-succinct manner? In a novella-sized essay, yeah, that’s doable, but as something I can type up without stressing that someone can then peruse at their leisure instead of clicking ‘read more’, watching the little scrolly bar at the side of the browser shrink, and going “wow, Hell no” and leaving? The plan for this blog has always been to present information and opinions without becoming a chore for y’all to read or for me to write, and sometimes that means I edit my own thoughts too harshly and get annoyed later for not having said more, and sometimes it means I look at a task before me for a while and then go “wow, Hell no” and leave. Today is not that day.

Honestly, my experience of LOST was extremely personal, and so more than with any other show I’ve reviewed thus far, LOST has made it a challenge sometimes to discuss objectively. While there were other shows I had been attached to in the past (*shakes fist at The X Files*), this was the first that I got deeply invested in, and at an age where I could critically engage, and at a time where the internet had become a big enough deal that I had all sorts of inlets and outlets for BTS information and engagement beyond just sitting down to watch an episode once a week. In six years, I never missed an episode, which is an especially big deal considering that during that time I also enjoyed the obstacle course of homelessness, a natural disaster, and the varied delights of major depression and high school graduation. At the toughest points, looking forward to the next episode of LOST was literally the only thing I held onto to get me through the week. I had a dream once (circa season four, I think) where I drove a van into a lava flow and my last thought before I died/woke up was “but I won’t get to find out how LOST ends!” It was a big deal, is what I’m saying. It was a really big deal for me.

So...now that we’re two paragraphs in already (and since this is not an online recipe for souffle or something, wherein you might expect five paragraphs at least of totally unrelated personal-life stuff before I suddenly segue into ‘so anyway first thing you need is some eggs’), let’s actually talk LOST. I mean, it’s like crack to me, honestly, with the character-driven narrative exploring grandiose themes of fate, faith, and the meaning of life. If there were more women and significantly more gay, it’d pretty much be For Real Perfect to me, like someone looked into my brain and went “I know exactly what kind of show you’re looking for” and then made that show at a huge budget in beautiful Hawaii, and then tossed Jackwad in there as the central character because no one is allowed to have a Perfect Thing, I guess. I’m not gonna get distracted by how Jack is the actual worst, not today. We know that already; we’ve bigger things to talk about. Meaning of life stuff.

The thing about ‘meaning of life’ stuff is that philosophy (and I say this as someone who 1) ACED it in university, and 2) includes it heavily in their own work because IT’S LIKE CRACK TO ME) is...kinda waffly, wanky, bullshit. Existentialism is something pretty much everyone engages with as a concept, but if you run with it too far it’s...fuckin’ empty, y’all. It’s navel-gazing garbage. The thing with philosophy is that there are NO answers, it’s purely theoretical, and so you can dig around that rabbit hole and make yourself a comfy nest in one concept or another (if we want to extend this metaphor we can make an entire rabbit warren of interconnected ideas and also perhaps make a pompous remark about undermining the structural integrity of the very earth we walk), but at the end of the day, no one’s philosophical theory is inherently better or more valid than another, nor is it entirely clear whether or not it matters. Maybe you’ve settled on a concept of God or Gods in a pre-established religion; maybe you believe in a less defined Higher Power; maybe you’re pure science and everything is a construct and nothing is ‘real’ because ‘real’ is also a construct; maybe you’re totally nihilistic about existence; maybe you think aliens are responsible; maybe you don’t fucking care. Whatever your opinion, the conundrum remains: existential philosophy is an eternal question we all brush up against, and yet it also exists (heh) on a spectrum from ‘frustratingly unknowable’ to ‘pretentious and masturbatory’. So, how the Hell do you engage with that in a way that is accessible, interesting, and meaningful? 

So, the next thing you need for your souffle is...honestly, I don’t know, I don’t know how to make souffle. LOST, though, the souffle that is LOST - the character-driven narrative is how they make that philosophical musing work. I’d advocate for character-centric storytelling any day of the week, because emotional engagement with characters enhances audience engagement with narrative as a whole, but when your narrative is dealing heavily in existentialist themes and broad intertwined-fates and pseudo-religious faith, etc., making the human characters the central focus of your story is of paramount importance in keeping that story grounded. It also means that your audience doesn’t have to be into the more heady themes in order to enjoy the story, so you don’t cut half your audience by being a lofty elitist prick about it, nor do you lose track of your own narrative by allowing it to become too conceptual. Character-driven keeps the story tight on the ground with those people living the day-to-day reality of their lives, and the conceptual wankery is significantly less wanky for being threaded throughout that sense of grounded reality. 

The characters are the absolute heart and soul of LOST, and one of its great successes there is that it entertained such a large cast. Lots of characters means lots of different opportunities for character types, for exploring different backstories, and different motivations and perspectives when handling situations in the past and present (and future, and afterlife...). Big surprise, character variety means more ways to connect with an audience! Characters with different backgrounds resonate with a wider variety of audience members! Characters of different colours provide representation for your varied audience! Characters of different sexualities pr- ok, never mind that one. Will I stop harping about the intense heterosexuality? No, I won’t. They dropped the ball on that one, plain and simple. They missed that boat, like a bunch of straight white male chumps who still accidentally wrote a lot more straight white males than they did anyone else. Can I fault them for being straight white males and writing that experience in turn? Yes, I can. If they can sit around debating the literal meaning of life and constructing an elaborate yet impeccable six-season narrative on the subject, they can look at the literal world around them and see that there’s a heck of a lot of non-white, non-male, non-straight people. Holla damn. ANYWAY. Mostly they did a not-bad job about the white part. A dodgy job with the male part. A failed job with the straight part. It’s been half a paragraph since I explicitly mentioned how salty I am about that thing in particular. Salty as an ocean surrounding an island with a magical miracle light at its centre, I am. 

ANYWAY ANYWAY there is a lot about what made LOST work that came from a well-thought-out and strong long-term plot. A lot was made of the whole ‘the writers said they knew what they were doing but they totally didn’t!’ as if that was somehow a betrayal or proof of failure. My other favourite show-ending (and one of my other favourite shows) that I have brought up before is Farscape, a show with one of the more thoroughly cohesive long-term narratives that brought its story around with a remarkable degree of continuity, and yet the writers there readily admitted they were making it up as they went along. Contrast with, say, How I Met Your Mother, for which the infamously terrible finale had been planned since the start and strictly adhered to despite the fact that the story and characters had moved far, far from it in the natural course of development over seven seasons. Flexibility in a story is essential; you have to be ready to seize upon opportunities when they arise, or to modify to accommodate unforeseen changes. What matters is that you tell a story with that all-important continuity remaining intact, and LOST well and truly did that. I don’t care how much of it they had figured out from the start; I care that they remembered what they had done, moved with it in a natural sense, accommodated unforeseen circumstances with verve, and brought the whole thing around in the end like it had been planned. Storytelling is full of happy accidents - Kate Austen is one of the strongest characters the show produced, but I am pretty damn sure the writers didn’t make her that way on purpose; she is a combination of fortuitous casting and happy-accident writing - a measure of quality in a creator is the ability to recognise and embrace happy accidents, and allow the writing to support what functions well while discarding or altering that which gunks up the gears. And if there is one final word of praise I have to speak for this show, it is that as wild and strange and wonderful and esoteric as it could be, it ran with a truly impressive smoothness. Except for Jack. 

Basic souffle recipe that I just googled and have not tried so don’t blame me if it sucks. No lengthy preamble.

[goldcypress]

RUMOR HAS IT...

         Cypress Bronte’s life was always very charmed and very easy. From the moment he was born, he was showered in love and affection and it went right to his head. His parents spoiled him rotten and while he wasn’t the kind of child to throw a tantrum, it did turn him into a less than pleasant person as he grew older. The Bronte Family had everything from money to a terribly conservative attitude that would affect Cypress, shaping him into a less than the good person he is now.

          As a child, Cypress was lucky. He grew up practically next door to his cousin, Max Bronte. They were thick as thieves from the moment they could both walk without falling over. Where ever there was trouble in either Bronte households, Cypress and Max were not too far ahead of it. They grew older though, they went to school and they made friends with the other rich kids. And all the rich kids played together and all their parents were friends. Because upper class families spent time together, there wasn’t a need for to spend time with people from other classes. There wasn’t a need to cross those lines. People who didn’t have money, didn’t have money for a reason. They weren’t worth spending time with. At least that’s what Cypress was taught from a young age.

         Not everything that Cypress’ was taught though was bad. When he was in fourth grade, he had a teacher with such a passion for science (especially biology) that the subject was actually incredibly fascinating to the young boy. Between his teachers passion for science and his mothers adoration for gardening, Cypress slowly became more and more fond of plants and nature. Even when he wasn’t in school or didn’t have a homework related assignment, he’d still be out in his mothers garden studying all her different plants. Between her flowers, her veggies, and herbs, he was completely fascinated by the plants. It was almost amazing how a boy who would cause such destruction would be so... Gentle when it came to non-sentient life.

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        The years went by and Cypress became more and more into the work of botany. On top of that, he and Max started to form a really cohesive friend group, full of rich, athletic bullies. Ones that had no care for anyone but themselves. And Cypress became more like that as well, he started running track & field early in middle school with some buddies from the group of rich degenerates that surrounded the Bronte Kids. Between his family and his friends and their parents, there was no chance that the young boy was going to turn out like a good and humble and kind human being. He never stood a chance against that kind of upbringing. But that was still no excuse for who he was...

       When he reached high school, Cypress wanted to see if there were more people to hang out with than just a bunch of rich, athletic bitches and so he started to wander. He joined the science club and auditioned for plays and he was still part of track & field. He made sure to make his way through the groups of people and become acquainted with the people there. He wanted to be widely loved, he didn’t care if they knew who he actually was. Sooner or later, people would get a glimpse of the Real Cypress Bronte and they’d decide if it was worth it to stay friends with him. And no matter what they chose, Cypress always had more friends to fall back into. He knew that with this though, he was straining his closeness with Max. He wasn’t always around for some of the bigger moments in her life anymore.

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      Junior year came and Cypress had his first boyfriend. Cypress had been going through some changes, realizing that he wasn’t exactly straight but he wasn’t prepared to make that statement to his family. Not without knowing that he was definitely not straight at least. And he knew that Adam was definitely not straight from all his jokes about how exhausting straight people could be and how gay he was. So Cypress started something relatively serious with Adam. Where they would actually go on dates (one town over) and they would hang out at Adam’s house (because his parents couldn’t know he was hanging out with an unpopular, lower class kid because it could get around to Max and his other friends) and Adam taught Cypress a lot of what he knew in all the areas of being in a relationship. It went on for months.

      But nothing good could ever really last, right? Adam started to get restless and upset when he realized how flakey Cypress could be. He’d approach him at school to talk about what was going on between them and Cypress would just lash out, insulting him for being a dorky, gay art kid and overreacting to every little thing. It never got to the point of a physical altercation, but soon the insults spilled into their private time with each other too. He would just insult Adam casually without realizing how much it would hurt someone that he considered his boyfriend. Eventually, Adam had enough of it. Adam told Cypress that he needed to come out to his parents and friends if he wanted to stay his boyfriend. Which, admittedly, was not the best solution but he was grasping at straws towards the end.

     Cypress lashed out at him though and went on about how that was terrible and unfair of him to do, which was just further emotionally abusive to Adam. After that, Cypress didn’t hear from his boyfriend again. Not. Once. Cypress went to one of Adam’s friends after a few weeks, wondering why he hadn’t even seen Adam around the school or heard from him (because he wasn’t answering his texts) and his friend said that Adam had moved away, his mother was in the military and got reassigned. And that sounded fake because Cypress remembered from all the times he had been to Adam’s house, neither of his parents were military… But Cypress just let it go. It was out of his control at that point and he wasn’t even sure he wanted to do anything to fix any of it if he could. Adam was gone, and now Cy could do what he wanted to do with his life and his sexuality.

     The boy began to sleep around more, claiming that it was more enjoyable than being in the committed and loving relationship he had with Adam. Despite that being incredibly toxic for Cypress’ poor boyfriend, he still... Missed it. Even though he’d never outright admit that. To anyone. Ever. He was happy and he felt free and he felt more free to speak his mind again. Cypress started acting shittier and shittier the more he was away from Adam and the more that it settled in that his boyfriend had fucking moved away because of how shitty he was. It was just pitiful and weak honestly, Cypress knew that it wasn’t okay how he treated him but he wasn’t going to admit to say that he regretted it or anything. Because he really didn’t.

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     About a month or so after Adam had left (and Cypress had embraced his whole shitty self once more) he made a... More than dismissive comment towards a friend that he still somewhat regrets to this day. They were hanging out after school at McDonalds because that’s where the Theatre Kids went if they didn’t have rehearsal, and they were all just talking about life and school and relationships, all the cheesy, cliche, regrettable shit that teenagers would talk about. And Teddy, one of Cypress’ few non-binary friends, was making a joke about how much they wanted to die, because that was just how Teddy was. They made jokes like that and usually it was amusing, but something in Cypress had broken, he couldn’t just laugh at the joke like he normally did. He couldn’t just let Teddy get away with that. He snapped and he said, “God, if you want to die so much, do us all a favor and fucking do something about it already or stop saying how you crave death so much.”

      That’s the one thing that Cypress has ever actually regretted. Cypress actually liked being Teddy’s friend because they weren’t... Terrible. They were a little morally gray, but they were fun to be around and they threw great parties and shared Cy’s fascination with plants and he just... Couldn’t believe what happened. But he couldn’t be sure that it was even his own fault. There were a ton of factors that went into someone killing themself! How could Cypress even be sure that it was his fault? He just... Made a shitty comment. And it’s not like anyone blamed him, because Teddy apparently left notes for quite a few people, include Cypress himself, before... They did it. Not once did they blame him, no one that loved Teddy dearly blamed Cypress. Cypress doesn’t know if Teddy blamed him though. He doesn’t actually know for sure if it was actually because of him. He hasn’t read his letter, even though he carries it with him everywhere. That’s the one truly inexcusable thing he’s done and he needs to remind himself daily that... He can never let his comments go that far again.

     After Teddy’s death, time stopped existing almost and Cypress drifted back into his main group with Max. He was caught up on everything he had missed. The pranking of Jimmy St. Clair, which he found thoroughly amusing, and how the idiot actually fell in love with her! It was just... Too great. It was just the twisted pick me up that he needed. And while he personally decided to stay out of all of it, he still enjoyed watching from the sidelines. It was comforting, in a way, to know that his cousin was just as terrible as he could be. The Bronte’s were similar in how they lived their lives, they didn’t seem to care about who they hurt as long as they were having fun. There was a path of destruction behind them as they walked usually. While Max had more helpers, Cypress tended to make that path all on his own.

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       Things fell back into their original pace, life felt normal again. Cypress ran track and field and he hung out with the rich degenerates and he enjoyed life. His senior year was going well, and then... Homecoming happened. And because he didn’t hang out with all the same people all the time, he was fortunate enough to not end up at the church after homecoming... And because he was lucky like that, he couldn’t understand what had changed inside of his best friend. Cypress had no idea what happened to Max after homecoming and maybe that was a good thing, because while he was terrible and didn’t understand, he wasn’t forced through the trauma that Max had been forced through just because someone had been hurt by her. 

      Soon, Max Bronte was gone. She had gone to Plath to be rehabilitated, but the Bronte families thought that wasn’t enough. Not only did Max need to be fixed, but she needed a guardian. And who better to send than their emotionally unavailable and abusive nephew/son that was Max’s age? Because they’re close! Because everyone’s family! And yet, no one in the Bronte families seemed to notice how much it bug Cypress that he had to go ensure that Max was fixed and returned her former, homecoming queen glory. But, not that he’d admit it ever, maybe just maybe... Cypress himself could benefit from Plath. There were heavy memories in their hometown for him as well and the farther away he got from them the sooner, the better.

                                 THOUGH THIS IS JUST A RUMOR AFTER ALL.