#and it's embarrassing how little I& remember from L'manberg or even Snowchester

[jacks-manidiary]

I& wanna meet more canonmates so badly except for I& really don't because um. The Darkness consumes me&

[batlingsstuff]

|| DREAM SMP HEADCANON|| Ranboo with Dementia

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

AYYY WHAT'S UP GUYS it's me :) i'm sorry this took so long to make, school is fxcking me over

okay okay now onto the headcanon

this will be pure angst, so be ready boys ;)

also, this is completely platonic.

insp: Everywhere at the End of Time - The Caretaker

TW/CW // anxiety, death, panic attacks, hallucinations, dementia

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

┌────── ⋆⋅✦⋅⋆ ──────┐

GENDER NEUTRAL

└────── ⋆⋅✦⋅⋆ ──────┘

✦ - STAGE ONE

at first everything was normal, you two were best friends and did basically everything together

he ocassionally forgot little things, like where he left his pickaxe and other stuff

it was harder for him to concentrate so you always were there for him to help him with everythimg, even just little things

and he appreciates it so much

then the behaviour changes, like suddenly getting more angry and/or impatient

and being more cheerful than usual

then the anxiety, he was always scared and one time he had a really bad panic attack

you were absolutely concerned about him and decided to take care of him

you never left his side

he always talked about how scared he was

and ranted for hours

until he forgot about his problems

✦ - STAGE TWO

everything stayed like that for two years, then he started forgetting major things, like people's names

one day you two went to visit your friend, jack manifold

he couldn't remember his name or who he was

you noticed there was something wrong with him, and decided to take him to several hospitals and clinics

after several check-ups you got the results

he was diagnosed with dementia

you cried for hours while he was sitting next to you patting your back, constantly asking why you were crying

he would ask the same question several times, making you cry harder

you moved in with him to make sure he was taking his meds

"why am i taking these, (y/n)?"

'for your own sake'

one day you took him to a walk around snowchester and he looked disorientated, not knowing what was that place

✦ - STAGE THREE

everything was worse, so much worse

he lost his memory book because he misplaced it somewhere, but you don't know where

he had trouble with speaking and stumbled with his words most of the time

tubbo, his platonical husband, came to visit every now and then to check up on ranboo

but ranboo forgot who was him

"your husband? haha oh no, i don't rem...ember getting engaged, i'm sorry."

"why are you crying?"

tubbo stopped visiting after that

he often had problem differentiating colours

one day he was so depressed that he couldn't get out of the bed for two days

after that, he seemed to have trouble recognizing you

'ranboo, it's me, your best friend (y/n)! don't you remember me ranboo? please remember.'

"i... don't know who you are... i'm sorry. i don't even r...ecall having a b-best friend."

you couldn't stop crying

your best friend was slowly losing his memories, and you couldn't do anything about it

i guess it's over, isn't it?

✦ - STAGE FOUR

his memory problems got so much worse, he forgot that water could actually damage him

he was curious about the rain, so he got out one day when it was raining and put out his hand to reach the droplets

he hissed in pain when the water damaged his skin and stormed back inside

hopefully you treated his wounds quickly and told him that it was better if he stayed in bed for now

while he was in bed and you were trying to get some rest besides him, he allucinated about a whole ass wave drowning him and he started to scream, like if he was in pain

you woke up due to the screaming and tried to calm him down, hugging him tightly and shushing him

he calmed down after a few minutes, sobbing loudly and returning the hug

he was scared, he didn't want to die

he couldn't talk at this point, every noise that came out of his mouth was incomprehensible, he was unable to communicate with others normally

you couldn't understand him, he couldn't understand you

your friendship was falling apart with the time

but afterall, you were there for him.

and that warmed his heart, even if he wasn't aware of that.

✦ - STAGE FIVE

he stayed up late multiple times, just watching you sleep or looking at the window, not able to think about anything

he felt like he was disconnecting from reality, like if his soul was slowly leaving his body

everything was foggy in his mind as he started to forget who was he, what was his name and occupation, who were his friends

who were his friends? is a question that he often asked himself

he looked at you one more time while he repeated that question simultaneously

"they're my friend."

he repeated that sentence several times, like if he was reassuring himself so he wouldn't forget that you were his friend.

he wrapped his arms around you while you slept, pulling you in a gentle hug

"thank you."

why was he thanking you? he felt like you were doing something important for him

but he couldn't remember what it was.

and that frustrated him, so he started sobbing uncontrollably

but he managed to calm himself down thanks to the relaxing sound of your heartbeat

he felt like he was dying slowly, but he didn't care about that

he had a friend who cared about him, and that's what matters to him.

✦ - STAGE SIX

ranboo was worse than ever, he forgot how to eat food properly and the basic movements of the mouth to do so

so you had to help him by gently moving his jaw up and down so he could munch the food

deep down his heart, he was thankful.

he didn't understand what was happening to him or who you were, but he knew that you were his friend.

he would randomly start crying, but it wasn't out of sadness

they were tears of joy

he was thankful that you were his friend

as no one else came to visit anymore

so he spend up his last years snuggling with you, always trying to remind himself that you were special.

and he loved you dearly, platonically speaking

✦ - STAGE SEVEN

ranboo couldn't even get out of bed as he forgot how to use his legs properly, not being able to walk

so you brought him food to his bedroom and started talking with him everyday and you didn't care anymore if he didn't answer you

you knew he wasn't able to speak anymore

you even stopped caring about your life, like work and friends

you wanted to spend every single minute with ranboo so he wouldn't be alone in his last days of life.

the days passed by slowly and one day everything ended abruptly.

ranboo forgot how to breathe, his body reacted roughly to the lack of oxygen and started moving his hand uncontrollably

you were beside him scared and paralyzed, watching how the life drained slowly from him

after what seemed to be like a few minutes, he stopped moving

he gasped loudly as he remembered everything; his name, his friends, his origins, his house, his cats, his crown, his husband, l'manberg, his memory book, you.

after that, he whispered his last words:

"(y/n)?"

and boom, he was gone.

gone from this world, forever.

you shaked him in horror, screaming his name multiple times as you cried.

your best friend was gone, and you couldn't do anything about it

so i guess this is it, huh?

✦ - AFTER RANBOO // BONUS

you hosted his funeral and everyone except dream was invited

everyone cried for him, they felt guilty as no one except you were there for him when he most needed it

tubbo was heartbroken, he was in denial and left the funeral early, probably gone to spend time with michael, his son

after that, everyone went home and you noticed that a strange book was lying in your house's entrance

you went to inspect what was it and noticed the book was dusty so you cleaned it to read what the title was

the title was 'DO NOT READ'', you recognized that book as ranboo's memory book

you gasped and stormed inside the house to read it

you sat on a couch and flipped the first page, reading carefully every single page and making sure you didn't skip anything

while you were reading, a small note was found in one of the pages and you started reading it, noticing that his handwriting was more messy than usual

it read: "Hello, if you're reading this then this is embarrassing. I wanted to write out my feelings in this small note because I was scared to talk out this with (Y/N). The thing is: I'm scared. I've been losing my memories and it's scary, I'm scared of forgetting who am I or who are my friends, I don't want to lose them. I know I promised Tubbo and Michael that I would protect them, but I'm not sure if I can keep that promise anymore. Tubbo if you're reading this, I'm sorry, for everything. Things seem to go downhill everytime I forget about things, even if they're just small things like forgetting where is my crown, and I'm scared that I will eventually forget who are my friends. I don't want to lose (Y/N), they're my best friend and I'm not ready to lose them yet. I know it sounds stupid but I just wanted to write about how I feel, goodbye forever Memory Book."

oh no, you were sobbing again.

"why didn't you tell me sooner, ranboo?"

"why?"

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

IT'S FINISHED, FINALLYYyyY Yy YY yes i love angst i love making people suffer

ANYWAYS thank you if you readed all of that shit, also big thanks to my friend moony for helping me with the grammar since i don't do english

moony if you're seeing this i love you /p

ANYWAYS THANK YOU ALL FOR THE SUPPORT!! I REALLY APPRECIATE IT!!!!!!

[balillee]

here, have some sad clingyduo trauma headcanons :( bc i love these boys and i will die for them

/rp

tommy doesn't fill them in himself, primarily due to laziness, but he gets freaked out by creeper holes. on rare occasions he'll just stare into them for a couple minutes in complete silence, eyes wide like he's terrified until someone taps him on the shoulder or something. it reminds him of logstedshire.

tubbo also has a thing for creeper holes, but he'll be the one to fill them in as soon as he sees one. he knows he can't fix the crater that was once his country, but he can fix the little things.

tommy still sleepwalks. it's not nearly as bad as it was before, but people have still found him roaming around at night near bodies of deep water. people tend not to talk about it.

tubbo pretty much sidles up as close as he can to tommy at all times - he's lost tommy so many times before and he's never really ready to lose him again. if they're in a pretty clingy or distressed mood, they'll hold hands. platonic love, everybody.

when the two lived together, tubbo started to notice that tommy would talk in his sleep. even after dream was imprisoned, tommy would be rambling about how he needed his best friend dream to come spend some time with him during his sleep. tubbo's been kind of afraid to visit dream, because while he knows some details, he doesn't know everything about what dream did to tommy in exile, and part of him is too terrified to think of what he might do if he found out.

tommy, ever since the boat ride where they started really communicating, has really been trying to get tubbo to open up a bit. they've said all their sorries to one another a million times over at this point, and slowly but surely tubbo's starting to open up to tommy about the things that happened under schlatt and during the pogtopia era, and about how dream manipulated him too. one thing he never seems to talk about is where he thought he would die at dream's hand in the museum, mainly because he's still too confused thinking about how he made it out alive.

tommy doesn't really cry. he just kind of shuts down, isolates himself and stares blankly like he's been hypnotised when he's in a bad mood. tubbo doesn't either, he tends to suppress those emotions and put them aside in favour of whatever project he's working on. if they're in a sad mood together, they'll sit at the bench in silence. a couple people have walked past, but they won't ever bother the duo. if they're feeling nostalgic, they'll listen to mellohi.

tommy, while he still walks and talks like an arse most of the time, really does appreciate the time he spends with sam. he doesn't really want to admit that they're friends, mainly due to ego reasons, but he really does think fondly of sam. puffy too, although they haven't spent much time together.

tubbo sometimes just sits on the obsidian grid and looks down into the crater. he sees the flag puffy put in the crater, he sees the festering vines, he sees the bedrock and the rubble and he stares into what remained of his apiary. he may not have enjoyed being president, but he misses l'manberg. snowchester is his substitute for that, and he wants to put his heart and soul into making sure it never falls like l'manberg did. he's become more enthusiastic about pretty much anything, to be honest.

tommy would've moved into snowchester had it not been near a beach. sure, the biomes are different, but a big factor in why he didn't move there is because he didn't want to wake up drowning every morning.

the two have started talking a lot more. any menial little thing comes up, they'll run to each other or they'll call each other. perhaps they're making up for lost time.

tommy got into the habit of making sets of armour every morning while he was in logstedshire for dream to blow up, as per their 'bonding'. he still sometimes does this when he's woken up tired, and so he tends to have a couple extra sets of iron armour around. they keep getting stolen, and part of him wants them all to still be there.

sometimes one of them silently will just walk to find the other, no matter what they're in the middle of doing, just to hug them. it's kind of confused some people, but they tend to find it sweet, so they won't bring it up and make them feel embarrassed by it.

tommy spends a lot of time in his brewery making odd concoctions. if he's in a very weird mood, he'll sit in the camarvan replica in eret's museum and try to think about the good old days.

tubbo's afraid of fireworks. not so much explosions, but things like fireworks and small boxes tend to make him incredibly afraid. one time something had reacted weirdly in the chemistry lab in snowchester, and he had a freakout and had to leave.

he didn't tell anyone, but tommy made not a grave, but a memorial for wilbur. he still doesn't really know how he feels about wilbur, especially with the prospect of resurrection and the disappearance of ghostbur, but he laid out some of wilbur's old things there, such as his old beanie, his tricorn, an old brewing stand and a burnt off piece of the first l'manberg flag. tommy was mortified that he lost chekhov's gun, and he was devastated when he couldn't find wilbur's coat.

tommy taught himself some very basic first-aid while he was in exile, mainly because he was very reckless and suicidal at the time and needed to stitch up all of his wounds. after the big fight with dream, he spent some time with tubbo stitching him up and teaching him how to do it himself.

tommy managed to salvage some parts of his message book with ranboo from exile. he doesn't talk to ranboo much, mainly because he hasn't seen him around as often, but he appreciates the effort that ranboo put in for him retroactively. he won't admit it, but he misses ranboo a little - the two have grown distant, and tommy's not sure what ranboo thinks of him.

tubbo, on his off days, visits logstedshire a lot. again, to him it feels like making up for lost time. a few times he stood at the portal to logstedshire on days he knew tommy was around during the exile days, but he didn't have the courage to walk in like everything was fine when it clearly wasn't. he didn't want to face the idea that tommy hated him, and so he waited outside of the portal to see if he'd come out. when push came to shove, though, he would always hide, and he'd see tommy slowly looking worse and worse. the nervousness to talk to him again culminated after techno's execution, when he figured that tommy must've killed himself. he stares at the pillar a lot quite nervously.

they both carry around blue from ghostbur. it's way overused and by ghostbur's standards, it's past the point where you'd need to throw it out, but they keep it around, just because they want to remember ghostbur fondly, and because the memories of ghostbur truly do keep the sad emotions away.

tommy wants to design tubbo a room in his hotel especially for him all for himself, but he wont let either sam or tubbo know. objectively, it won't look great because tommy's eye for design is mediocre at best, but he'll try.

there was an instance where tubbo couldn't find tommy absolutely anywhere during the period leading up to the final dream fight. he searched absolutely everywhere, even the labyrinth that was their house, and he still couldn't find him. he had another freakout that made him faint like he did when he saw the tower in logstedshire. lucky enough, it was tommy that found him and made sure he was okay. the two of them spent the rest of the day at the bench staring into the horizon, and they fell asleep there.

they refuse to say the word 'goodbye'. they will always go for a 'see you soon', or a 'talk later'. we all know why.

this got sad and bittersweet :((((

[kiara-w]

Jealousy? I don’t think so. (a Rewind meets Canon ficlet)

This a ficlet based on the fanfic Rewind by @a-non-ymouswriter, and exploring an au within the fanfic. The “Rewind meets cannon” au is based around what would’ve happened if Tommy and Tubbo from a very bad future time traveled at the time Tommy was killed and revived by Dream.

And now, Tubbo feels a little replaced.

Apologies for any grammar errors, english is not my first language.

Wanna read more ficlets?

—————

Tubbo can't sleep. He's been rolling on his bed for the past hour and even though he feels tired, he can't sleep.

And he doesn’t know why. He has been through a lot of stuff in the past, but why is this time different? Maybe having Tommy in the mansion makes it different? Or knowing that a parasitic egg is lurking and growing in shadows. Perhaps it's the sight of an older self, from a future that isn't his, but still very scary.

He gets up from the bed, maybe a midnight snack could help, and he walks through the corridors remembering the path to the kitchen until he spots something. A shadowy figure is at the other end.

"Tommy?" He is standing at the front of a door with a hand about to knock it, but that isn't his room. "Did you get lost, bossman?"

Tommy is slightly surprised to see him, "No- it's nothing." His hand scratches his neck, looking embarrassed. "Don't worry about it Tubso, I just wanted to check on our warrior friend there."

He is talking about Tobias. That was the room he and Ranboo let him have after the turmoil of his sudden appearance lessened a bit. "Check on him? The older me that has netherite armor and years of battle experience?"

"Yeah..." Tommy had never been good at lying. Or rather, Tubbo has always been able to know when he is lying.

And he also considers himself to be a good observer. He sees little drops of sweat on Tommy’s face, the bags under his eyes, and he adds the fact that he woke up during the night to look for someone. "You just had a nightmare, didn't you?" He speaks louder than he intends to.

"Lower down your fucking voice. Shit, Tubbo I don't want to wake up the people here."

A big smile appears on his face. "That's ok, Ranboo isn’t here and Michael is sleeping, let’s go." He grabs Tommy's arm and guides him through the big halls.

"Wait, where to?"

"To the kitchen. We can eat something and you can tell me all about the nightmare you had." He shouldn't be feeling excited about it, but that's what they used to do.

Before Snowchester, before the exile, during their time in L'Manberg, where the wars left them scars that weren't always on the skin, Tubbo used to sleep a lot in Tommy's house. Whenever one of them woke up because of nightmares, they'd always comfort each other.

And now it can be just like before. He grabs some snacks from the fridge. Meanwhile, Tommy is fidgeting with the edges of his white sweater. Interesting, Ranboo does that when he is nervous.

But what should he be nervous about? Biscuits are put on the table as he sits next to him, and the blond looks, "Chocolate?"

He shrugs, "Michael's favorites."

Tommy has a longing gaze. "My favorites too."

Did he forget about that? "So... what’s bothering you tonight?" He changes the subject, back to the main topic.

His friend doesn't look at him, he takes a biscuit but doesn't eat it. He seems to be debating about something. "We don't have to talk about it."

"But we do! I mean, I think we should. You can tell me if something's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong." He sounds irritated. "It was just a stupid dream anyway."

"It's not just stupid if it wakes you up all the time." Tommy's room isn't close to his, but one look at his tired face tells him everything.

"Look Tubbo, just-" His eyes closed. "I can't."

"Of course you can! You just gotta start speaking." A nervous feeling starts growing, but he shoves it aside. "Was it from the time of Pogtopia? Or during the wars?"

"Tubbo-"

"If it is your exile, I can take it. You talk with Puffy about it, right? Maybe we could-"

"We can't! I'm telling you!" He winces at the scream, Tommy looks at him with anger and tears. "I can't... I just can't-" His voice breaks and his hands cover his face looking down. That sight alone strikes Tubbo with guilt.

What is he doing? He shouldn't be pushing his friend like this. They don't need to talk about nightmares, he only wants Tommy to know that he is there, that he can knock on his door at any time and just talk like they used to.

His friend keeps sobbing and he reaches for his shoulder until he hears something.

"Someone knocked on the wrong door." Tobias is standing in the door frame holding Michael, and the little one stretches his arms to Tubbo with whimpering sounds. He stands up quickly and takes his son. He quietly thanks the man who smiles until he sees Tommy. "What's wrong?" He asks with a worried tone.

It bothers him for some reason. "It’s fine. I need to put Micheal in bed, you keep sleeping." Tobias doesn’t move, but Tubbo only needs a minute and then he can go back to comfort his best friend, just like he used to.

It takes him ten minutes though. Michael seemed to have had a nightmare as well. And it takes a lot of walking around, calming words, and a lullaby, to make the little pigman sleep peacefully.

And then he leaves the room at a fast pace, almost running. He sees the light of the kitchen still on, but he stops when he hears something behind the door. He takes a look discreetly and sees Tobias tightly hugging a crying Tommy.

"Even in the future, you are so fucking clingy," the boy says jokingly between sobs.

"Yep, some things never change big man." his future self answers, and Tubbo can't stop feeling like an outsider.

He doesn't hate him, not really. How could he hate someone that has helped Tommy so much? Tobias made him go to Puffy more constantly, he convinced him of moving to Snowchester, and he protects him when others can't. What was bothering him then? The fact that he and Tommy had gotten close? Or that it wasn’t him that his friend thought to go first to talk about his problems?

Unknown to Tubbo, it was none of the above.

—————

With this, I don't mean to say Tubbo would be jealous of Tobias, at least not in a way of "I don't want him close to Tommy." or "I want Tommy to only come to me." No.

The real thing that bothers him it's that he thought he was giving Tommy his space to recover and heal, but with how his future self is so caring about him, it makes him feel like he hasn't been helping him at all.

Confusion, miscommunication, and guilt. You know how it is.