#and it's Two Dumbasses Lose The One Braincell Blowing Stuff Up

[istadris]

Time for another take on Mario vs Bowuigi !

What everyone (including Luigi) thinks : Mario and Bowser hate each other. Despise each other. Mario would throw a fit at the very idea of Luigi dating his dreaded nemesis. Bowser has nothing but contempt for his boyfriend's brother.

The truth : Mario and Bowser are BFF. Yes, they started off hating each other but over the years, the hatred morphed into familiar rivalry then playful banter then long lasting spicy friendship. They kept up the act of hating each other because :

1) Bowser wants his troops to respect him and Mario gives him the perfect outlet for his badassitude

2) Mario doesn't want people to brand him a traitor when all he does is rough housing with his buddy

3) it's a freaking hilarious private joke.

When Bowser took an interest in Luigi, Mario was HYPED. "Go for it, Big Guy ! My bro deserves nothing less!" And Bowser was hyped too because "Your brother is so cute ??" "I know right??! Hey, let's boost up his confidence, I'll be out of commission for your next invasion so he'll get to beat you !" "Great idea ! Nothing wrong can come out of it!"

But.

Through a serie of misunderstanding, mistiming and misfiring, neither have been able to confess the truth about their friendship to Luigi. Who is TERRIFIED at the idea of Mario "finding out".

Bowser tries to warm up Luigi to the idea of Mario and him being friends : "Look, Pistachio, I'm sure he wouldn't take it that badly, I can tell him myself if you wan-" "NO NO NO he will hate me, he hates you enough already, I don't want you two to maul each other to death, you don't have to pretend you don't want to just for me 😭"

Mario tries to nudge Luigi into confessing the truth on his own without forcing him : "hey bro, you've been out a lot lately, anything going on~?" "NOTHING AT ALL I AM NOT SEEING ANYONE YES LUIGI SINGLE FOREVER (oh shit shit shit does he suspect something ???)"

Both Bowser and Mario feel bad about Luigi stressing out so much but everytime they try to confess the truth, Luigi either can't hear them or is convinced they're pretending for his own good.

So. Many. Shenanigans. Ensue.

[a-world-in-grey]

Sunshine Never Stops au hcs

Because this au is All The Fluff and bby!Sola is giving me cavities.

-Ardyn helps Sola pack her things - cheerfully abusing his armiger to pack up all Sola’s stuff - while Sola writes a note for her parents explaining that she’s with Uncle and she’ll be back as soon as she cures him.

-Sola No. (Sola Yes.)

-Ardyn keeps Sola firmly away from the public for the next seven years, teaching Fiercest Niece pretty much everything he knows. Sola’s not a genius, but she’s stubborn and determined and soaks everything up as fast as she possibly can.

-This includes Science. Sola is Not A Fan Of Science. But if Science will cure Uncle, then Science she will learn.

-This leads to Sola meeting Besithia and following him around and asking Questions about the Scourge. Besithia is Offended when the six year old calls his research unoriginal and vows that she’ll find a way to do the so called impossible.

-The day Sola actually manages to come up with a working theory on why the Starscourge is vulnerable to sunlight is the day Besithia is Offended, and when Sola’s work with a medical task force to create a viable treatment for the early stages of vanishing sickness building off of said theory is published world wide is the day Besithia declares the twelve year old a Rival.

-Sola adds insult to injury by blowing a raspberry at him.

-Of course, now that his darling niece (Ardyn is so proud) is firmly established as his niece Alata Mederi, Ardyn decides it’s the perfect time to advance Alata’s lessons by introducing her to the Niflheim Court.

-Alata is distinctly Unimpressed. The Court collectively decides that Alata is going to be a nightmare when she grows up and can’t decide if it would be better to ally with or try to eliminate her. And Alata meets one Loqi Tummelt, all of eight years old, when Ardyn intervenes on behalf of Prince Icarus before Alata decides to go from considering to actually disemboweling the twenty- going on twenty-one year old Imperial Heir and shoos Alata off.

-Unfortunately for Loqi, Alata decides that anyone who so clearly admires her Uncle Cor is clearly her best friend, and neglects to give Loqi the option to refuse. Also unfortunately for Loqi, his family is of more minor nobility and all but leap at the chance to forge a connection between their family and the High Chancellor.

-Which means Loqi, brilliant Loqi who is genuinely smart if not quite on Ignis’ level, gets to join Alata’s lessons, martial and academic. Where Alata proceeds to bruise him and his ego, and completely shatter his worldview on Niflheim’s superiority to the Lucian savages.

-Due to the events that lead to Alata getting her Giant Death Cat (yes, I’m absolutely giving her Abyssus in this au as well, because it’s going to drive Loqi up the wall) and tearing the Kings of the Lucii a new one, Loqi learns that a) his best friend is King Regis’ eldest daughter, and b) his best friend doesn’t have two Braincells to rub together.

-Yes, he’s calling his best friend a dumbass (shut UP Alata you know I’m right-)

-And that’s how Loqi receives the dubious honor of becoming Alata’s Shield (even if the new magic lessons are cool). Ardyn claps Loqi on the shoulder and wishes him good luck. Alata flips her Uncle the middle finger.

-This means Loqi is witness to the regular debates between Alata and Prince Icarus, who despite being nine years Alata’s senior did not learn at Ardyn’s knee, and as such regularly loses to Alata. And if it weren’t for the fact that Loqi knows Alata is loyal to both Niflheim and Lucis he would wonder if Alata is attempting to sow dissention among Niflheim’s Court.

-She’s not. Alata just thinks Iedolas is a horrible ruler and thinks Icarus would make a better one if the Prince would dislodge that stick he welded to his spine. Even if it takes coming at it from a less moral and more practical argument. Like if your population catches the vanishing sickness from the miasma powering your MTs, soon you won’t have a population because they’ll have vanished.

-Then fifteen-year old Alata catches wind of rumors to assassinate the Crown Prince of Lucis (elder heir missing, the younger but a child, vulnerable, the courtiers whisper) and eleven-year old Loqi sees his Queen furious for the first time.

-And well, he’s not letting her run off to Lucis on her own, no matter how much distaste the thought of wandering through such a climate inspires, so he simply packs his own bags and meets her at the secret tunnel she doesn’t think he knows about.