#and it was triggered by a news ig that decided to go TOO far with their posts today

[why-do-i-still-care]

it's 4:11am and i can't sleep. it's been an hour since i woke up from a nightmare and i still cannot sleep. it's always like this.

[wolfprincesszola]

The Fate of the Marked Six Chapter 12

i just realized that a couple of the old chapters have some formatting issues but i'm not sure where, so ig they're staying there until i get it pointed out or find it T-T. but anyways, WOAHHHH WE'RE HALFWAY THEREEEEE~. can't wait to finish with this because the climax keeps building. as always, reblogs and likes are appreciated! enjoy <3 ——————– Summary: Virgil moves into a new town and meets Roman, a ghost that he promises to help in finding the unfinished business needed to pass over. However, Roman's past seemed to be deeply muddled with trouble, an uncurable disease that has started to affect a classmate, and a certain tight-lipped valedictorian. Friendships are made and Virgil finds himself thrown into a situation far more complicated and twisted than he signed up. Hopefully, with the help of his new five friends, he can find a way to bring peace to the town once and for all.

Trigger Warning: None

Content Warning: Possible Death, Illness, Swearing

<Masterlist>

<Previous> <Next> ——————–

Chapter 12

Patton was going to be honest, he hated the idea of having a crush on Logan. It made his skin crawl with the uncertainty of how his feelings would one day be happy to see Logan, and the next be absolutely devastated. He had crushes before, but not like this. Not like him.

He thought the worst part about the idea of having a crush on Logan was the fact that he knew Logan wouldn’t reciprocate his feelings back. Logan was too apathetic, too robotic, too studious, too reserved. Not only that, but he didn’t know anything about Logan. Sure, Patton knew his favorite color, but he didn’t know Logan's darkest secrets or what Logan wanted to study. Yet, Patton couldn’t stop talking about Logan to all his friends.

He knew that everyone was already getting annoyed at how much he could say about Logan. It was already annoying to Patton to continue talking about Logan. Patton learned more just by observing Logan. He wore the same style every day, with a pair of khaki pants (or jeans if he was feeling risky), dress shoes, a black polo shirt, and a tie. He almost looked like he was wearing a school uniform, but the tie was always different. Logan even had a system. Dark blue on Monday, light blue on Tuesdays, black on Wednesdays, brown on Thursdays, and finally striped dark blue and light blue on Fridays. On occasions, he would wear a goofy pattern that had anatomical brains or of books, which Patton admitted was the best on Logan. It gave Logan personality that he severely lacked with such roboticism.

However, after Patton dumped paint on Logan and had felt bad, he realized how pretty Logan looked in the outfit Patton picked for him. He looked more like himself in the clothes he had stolen out of his own closet. Even if it was Patton's style, Logan decided not to wear the cardigan over his shoulders the same way Patton did. Instead, he wore the cardigan like it was supposed to be worn and it looked sophisticated on him. However, it was short lived as soon enough, Patton found a bag filled with neatly folded and freshly washed clothes containing the outfit Patton had given Logan.

Patton decided to try to make it his goal to help Logan feel like he belonged in the world. Because it seemed the way Logan was dressing and the way he was acting was not the true way Logan wanted to act.

-+=~=+-

“Hey guys, what’s going on here?” Patton asked as he walked up to the group huddling. Logan and Virgil were in the middle with notes, with Remus and Janus over them, looking at the notes.

“We’re discussing Remus’s illness.” Logan spoke, pointing to his neatly written notes about what he’s gathered.

“I’m currently stuck with him.” Janus clicked his tongue as he lifted his hand to show Remus’s hand intertwined with his. “We can’t let the ghost hear.”

“Tragic.” Remus grinned at Janus to show that he was almost ecstatic to try and goof off with Janus, but Janus was keeping him from doing just that.

“And yet somehow, you guys don’t seem too sad about it.” Patton remarked as he patted Remus’s back, “You feeling alright, kiddo?”

“Yeah.” Remus nodded, looking up at Patton, who yelped and leaped back.

“What?” Logan looked up immediately, a flash of concern fading away as soon as he saw Patton was unhurt.

“Wait…it’s not there anymore.” Patton raised an eyebrow.

“What’s not there anymore?” Virgil asked, raising his eyebrow.

“Sorry. It’s just that….for a second, I swore I could’ve seen something engraved on Remus’s forehead. It looked like a symbol.”

Janus and Remus exchanged a knowing look.

“What did you do to see that symbol?”

“I just pat Remus’s back.” Patton muttered.

“Okay, stay still and try not to jump.” Logan muttered before he motioned for Remus to do something. Remus reached out and gripped his arm, just tight enough so that Patton couldn’t move it easily and just loose enough to not hurt him.

Patton watched as the symbol faded in, and soon enough he could see it on everyone around him. “Everyone has symbols.”

“Can you write Logan’s down?” Janus and Remus asked at the same time.

Patton accepted the pencil that Logan had given, and he opened a new page for him to write it down.

As soon as they did, Logan, Janus, and Remus read it. It almost sounded synchronous.

“憦.” They all murmured.

"Wait, how do you know Chinese, Logan?" Janus raised an eyebrow, "I had to learn it because it was my power and I forced Remus to learn it."

"I took 2 years of Chinese because I already knew Spanish and Latin. Our school does not offer French, therefore I chose to learn Chinese." Logan remarked, almost as if it was obvious.

"How do you already know Spanish and Latin?" Patton asked with curiosity. "That would make you quadrilingual."

"Because my brother learned Spanish, so I learned it to tell him he was stupid in several other languages. Latin, I learned to help me ace the SATs. Are you telling me you haven't learned more than two languages?"

"Alright, before we get severely off-topic, what does that character mean?"

“It’s the fate of regret.” Janus explained, “I think Patton can see my power.”

“There’s no way.” Logan replied as he went to touch Remus’s arm. Immediately, he blinked. “Hey, Virgil, check this out.”

Then, all four of them were holding onto Remus, and were all staring at each other’s foreheads.

“死.” Logan murmured, earning a kick from Janus.

“Who has that?” Remus asked, his shoulders tensing up.

“You.” Logan stared at the symbol above Remus’s head.

“Janus told me that mine was 爱.”

“Maybe it changed.” Logan looked away, clearly haunted by what he had seen.

“Please explain to the two people that cannot understand whatever language that is.” Patton scowled.

“As you know, we're looking at Chinese characters." Logan replied, “Patton, your symbol is 爱. The fate of love.”

“Great!” Patton felt his heart swell. Maybe that meant he'd have amazing luck in love.

“No, not great. It’s not a fate really.” Janus murmured, “It’s a curse most of the time. Those marked with 爱 are destined to be cursed when it came to love.”

Patton screamed internally, knowing that it meant that it was probably why he had awful luck in his crushes with Logan being the worst of the pile.

“So what does Remus’s mean?” Virgil asked.

“Death.” Logan murmured, “He has a mark of death.”

“The mark of death, the baby’s breath, the favorite sun…” Remus murmured.

Logan scribbled something down in his notebook before turning to Remus, “What are you talking about?”

“Hm?”

“The rhyming. The mark of death, the baby’s breath, the favorite sun poem.”

“Oh…it’s just something in my mind. It’s nothing really.”

By the way Patton saw Janus look at Remus, he knew it really wasn’t nothing, but he wasn’t about to call them out if Remus wasn’t ready to talk about it.

Logan let go of Remus, “Either Patton or Virgil, try to touch the other instead of Remus.”

Virgil moved his hand two inches until he was only touching Patton, “I can still see the marks, even if I’m not touching Remus.”

Janus turned to Patton, holding his arm out, “Let go of Re and hold onto me instead.”

Patton stared at him, watching the symbols fade away as he let go of Remus. Then as he made contact with Janus again, he blinked. “I can see the symbols. They went away as soon as I let go of Remus, but they came back upon touching Janus.”

“Interesting.” Logan murmured before he walked over to grab onto Remus’s wrist. “You can let go of his hand, Janus. I need as much power as I can get. Once you see my eyes turn a different color, I need you to grab onto me. I want to see if something happens.”

“Your power of precognition?” Patton raised an eyebrow. “I thought it was a passive power.”

“When Remus’s power strengthens my magic, it allows for a vision.” Logan murmured as he readied himself, relaxing. Almost immediately after he did, he blinked and his eyes flashed into a different color. The beautiful brown that came from the dirt he used to plant flowers changed into a dark blue he saw in the ties Logan wore on Monday and Fridays.

Janus took that time to grab onto Logan’s wrist as well, and soon Patton was put forth into a vision.

It was a dark room. Patton could see Logan, sitting against the wall in chains, yelling out someone’s name. He looked worse than usual. His clothes looked like they had been worn for the last five days straight and his glasses were nowhere to be found. His hair was a mess. He looked tired and as if he could fall asleep at any minute, but still, his body persisted because his mind didn’t seem to want to fall asleep.

“Caleb!”

Who was Caleb? Did Logan trust him?

“Come out, you bastard, and face me!” Logan shouted. The room echoed.

Then, out of the darkness, there was a light that shone directly on Logan. He had to blink before he stared at the man in a black tux, holding a cane. The man's hair was slicked back, and looked about 40 to 50 years old. He grinned, using his cane to lift Logan’s chin up, “You smart little boy. Thank you for using my name.”

Logan moved his face away from the cane, glaring, “Where’s Patton?”

“Ah yes, your beloved-”

“He’s not-” Logan began frustratedly.

“Of course not.” Caleb scoffed, rolling his eyes as he cut off Logan, “It’s just that you came all the way here under the pretense of thinking he was in danger because of me.”

“Under the pretense…so you don’t have him?”

“No, you dolt.” Caleb scoffed, hitting Logan’s head with the cane, causing the cane to scrape against his head. He flinched in pain, but even after the cane drew blood, he didn’t scream of pain. “You’re the bait for him.”

“Why?” Logan croaked, “There is nothing I could offer him. I have been nothing but cruel to him all his life.”

“Oh, but you’re wrong. He was the first one to authorize a search party for you. He is still looking for you, even when the search party disbands for the night. Even when your parents have stopped looking for the night to get some rest, he shows up to school after getting an hour of sleep with no luck of finding where you were. Right now, he has been a mess since you’ve been gone.”

“It doesn’t make sense.” Logan scoffed, “You’re lying.”

Caleb rolled his eyes before he waved his hand and suddenly, Patton was on screen. He was walking around a hill, calling for Logan. Patton could see the bags under his eyes and the way his shoulders drooped. He looked like he was about to collapse but still continued, trying to find Logan.

“Patton!” Logan tried to reach out to the mirage, being pulled back by the chains still clasped to his wrist.

“Believe me now, sweetheart? He cares about you because to him, you have been kind.”

Logan swallowed, his expression different than before, “Leave him alone. Leave Remus alone. In fact, leave all my friends alone.”

“Sure, but that risks you forever losing contact with your brother.”

“What?” Logan’s voice cracked. “Leave my brother out of this!”

“Unfortunately, I can’t. He's a ghost, so he’s under my territory. He may not know it yet, but I have complete control of him.”

“What did he ever do to you?” Logan let the emotions in his voice take him over. He sounded angry and sad. He sounded like he was feeling for once in his life, “He was a good kid. He had a good life. He had good potential. Why is it that he should have to be under your control when he has been nothing but good his entire life?”

“Why, he has control over you, and you have control over Patton.”

“I didn’t know Patton before Roman’s death!” Logan scoffed.

“Because I made sure of that.” Caleb rolled his eyes. “Everything has been laid out for your life, for your brother’s life since you were born. Because I knew you were the one thing most important to the special one.”

Recognition flashed in Logan’s eyes, as he tried to process the saying. “He’s the special one. Patton has something you want.”

“Yes and I am going to get it, no matter how long it takes or how difficult the task is.”

“He doesn’t deserve this.” Logan shook his head, “You can’t do this to him.”

“Oh? But I already am.” Caleb grinned, turning around and snapping his fingers. The lights went out and Logan coughed, collapsing to the ground. Despite it being all dark, with no idea of where Caleb was anymore, Patton saw the flame that burned within Logan’s eyes. The determination burned in his soul, and he knew that whatever he was up to, he wouldn’t allow anyone else to come in the way of his plans.

Patton blinked, coming out of the vision and looking around to see everyone staring at him.

“You were in that vision a lot longer than we were.” Remus remarked. “Your eyes turned brown.”

“What color of brown?”

“My color of brown.” Logan replied as he pulled Janus to grab onto Remus again as he separated from the group to go write stuff down. “What did you see, Patton?”

“Well…a vision.”

Logan rolled his eyes, “I mean, in specifics.”

“Uh…if you got the vision, shouldn’t you know?” Patton asked, not really wanting to remember the vision. The man, whoever he was, terrified Patton.

“That’s the thing though. While you were still in your vision, we were all discussing. We all had different visions.” Janus began.

“Well…Logan was in a dark room. He's chained to a wall, and he looks like he’s been there for a few days. He doesn’t look like he’s slept, but he has been well fed. He yells out for someone named Caleb to come out. A man in his middle ages walks out and they have a conversation together.”

“Anything important in the conversation?” Logan asked as he was scribbling in his notepad.

“Apparently, to Caleb, your life has been laid out from the very start. So has your brother’s. He can see ghosts because he knew about your brother being a ghost. He can definitely control the afterlife, and he seems to have a lot of powers. He was able to create a mirage, and other things.” Patton shrugged, “Oh, and he mentioned I was the special one?”

“Shit.” Janus let the word slip out of his mouth.

“What?” Logan raised an eyebrow as he finished scribbling it down.

“Nothing.” Janus squeaked, “Let’s talk about the others’ visions first.”

“Right.” Logan sighed, “There’s an earthquake in mine. Everyone is trying to escape…except for me and Patton.”

“Where are you two?”

“Don’t know, but clearly in the middle of the earthquake because someone tries to go back for me, only to be stopped.” Logan muttered.

The other visions consisted of nicer things like the six of them hanging out, but Virgil’s was especially horrifying.

“All of us collapsed on the ground unconscious. The only one awake was my ghost friend. He tried going to each of us to try and get us to wake up, but no matter what, we wouldn’t. I wouldn’t. We looked scratched up. Logan looked the worse off. There’s blood pooling from him. My ghost friend tries so hard to wake me up to try and help him. Then, a scratchy voice mentions that there was no way for us to wake up.” Virgil shuddered, “It belonged to a ghost. A different, evil one.”

Patton blinked, “What kind of a scratchy voice?”

“It sounded like an older man, who sounds like he constantly has flem in his throat. He sounds like he’s always on the verge of coughing in front of my face.”

Patton blinked, “Does he have a deeper voice and an accent when he pronounces his ‘th’s?”

“Yeah.”

“That ghost is Caleb.”

“Caleb has to be the ghost inhabiting you then.” Janus turned to Remus.

Remus made a face, “Who decided it was a good idea to put a Caleb in charge of everything?”

“Don’t ask me.” Patton held his hands up in the air, defensively. “I wasn’t in charge of naming him.”

“Alright, that’s not a problem. Patton, I know you have connections. Find anything you might have on a Caleb that died around his 40s to 50s. Virgil, connect with your ghost friend and see how they’re doing on finding out about a way to contact the ghost.” Logan ordered the two.

Patton blinked. “Sorry what?”

Logan flicked his head, “Go.”

“Now?” Patton was caught off guard.

“Yes, now!” Logan huffed, pushing Patton away, “I’ll see you later. I need to talk to Remus and Janus alone. Go.”

“Alright, you’re so pushy.” Patton chuckled as he walked out of the area, deciding to help Logan out.

-+=~=+-

Patton walked into the detention room, fully expecting to see no one else in the room. Instead, he found Logan sitting at the front of the classroom, reading next to the teacher’s desk where their principal sat.

“Oh, hello, Principal Sanders.” Patton sat down near the front of the classroom.

“It’s come to my attention that you haven’t made up any of your 60 hours.” Logan's mother raised an eyebrow, “Mr. Morris, I’ve also learned you’ve been tormenting my son and that’s what most of those hours have come from. I will now be supervising all detentions until you make up all 60, and this is a warning to-“

“Mom!” Logan yelled, slamming his book shut, “I already told you, he’s the furthest from bullying me. Stop threatening to suspend him!”

His shoulders seemed tense, and everything about his position showed he was hostile.

“Honey, I know that you are friends with him, but I think it’s perfectly unacceptable that-“

“No. You don’t get to say that.” Logan scoffed, standing up, “I thought it was weird that for the first time in forever, you decided to try and do your job as a principal. Patton doesn’t deserve the punishment you give him because I have been endorsing this behavior.”

“What are you talking about-”

“Let me finish.” Logan glared, standing up from his chair, “Maybe if you stopped living in your little bubble and for once looked outside you would see that I am not myself when I’m around you.”

“Well, sure you’re quieter, but that comes with grief.” His mother began.

“No, I’m not just quieter. I don’t feel like myself anymore, Mom. I don’t even think I feel and it didn’t come from grief.” Logan’s voice cracked, “And for once, Patton gave me that ability to feel again. Even if it was annoyance, or some sort of irritation, he let me feel and he let me be myself around him. I could’ve gone away with not giving him a fair amount of detention hours, but the truth is that I enjoy spending time with him, and the only time we can spend time together is through detention hours. It helps the both of us, because I get to feel like myself for one second that I don’t have to keep a wall of perfection around him, and he gets to feel safe in an environment where there’s no yelling. He’s a little troubled, and sometimes he lashes out in a way I don’t enjoy, or sometimes we go head to head because the both of us can’t communicate in a proper way, but that isn’t his fault. It’s yours. It’s Dad’s. It’s his parents’. We are like this because of you four, and he shouldn’t be punished for something that I purposely inflicted on myself.”

Patton was speechless. He didn’t know that Logan had felt that way about him. He didn’t know that while a part of Logan was helping Patton escape from his parents, a part of Patton was helping Logan escape from his.

“Mom, just go.” Logan sighed coldly, turning around and looking up in an attempt to not let the tears fall out, “I can deal with all of Patton’s detention hours. Fix them to where they’re accurate to the number of hours he’s supposed to have. I’ll do detention how it’s supposed to be and I’ll have him write the behavioral statements for an hour before he has to stay silent and do his homework. Just…don’t suspend him or put him on warning.”

“Logan-”

“Go.” Logan adjusted his glasses to the top of the his nose, closing his eyes.

Logan’s mother sighed, walking out, “You better have that fixed by the end of the day.”

Logan didn’t answer, still facing away from everything with his eyes closed until he was certain his mother was out. Then, he turned to close the door and walked back to the desk to pull out a box of chalk. “Alright, Morris, you heard me. You know the statements. Go ahead and fill the entire board.”

He took out a chalk and placed it gently on the table before going back into his book. Patton treaded carefully, knowing that if he tried to ask if Logan was okay, it might end in either Patton getting punched or Logan walking out, never to be seen again.

Instead, Patton grabbed the chalk and started to write the sentences he knew by heart. Logan had made him write the sentences for the first 15 hours that he served detention before he was over it and allowed him to do whatever he wanted, as long as his homework was done.

He was not even a sentence in when he heard Logan sniffling and Patton turned to see Logan trying to wipe his eyes before the tears could fall out. Then, he knew he would take the risk of bodily harm if it meant he could comfort him, and calm his aching heart.

Patton walked up behind him, wrapping his arms around Logan and squeezing him.

“What are you doing this for?”

“I’m sorry that I’m a little annoying all the time, and I’m sorry that I haven’t been the best at keeping my promise of being a little kinder to you.” Patton mumbled, “But my goodness…you just have to tell me that you want to spend time with me. If I knew that I was your escape, I would’ve spent every day after school in detention with you.”

Logan didn’t say anything, but Patton felt something cold hit his hand, and he turned a bit to see Logan’s face streaked with silent tears still falling down his face.

“Jesus, you idiot.” Patton snorted, pulling the boy closer and squeezing him tighter. Logan’s arms wrapped around him as well, and he tried to ignore his pounding heart to continue comforting the boy. “Just tell me next time. I would’ve helped. I’m so sorry.”

Logan choked out a sob, burying his head in his chest as he let it all out. All the regret, grief, and anger built up inside of his for the past four years finally released and for the first time ever, Patton saw a gateway into who Logan really was.

“There, there, let it all out.” Patton mumbled as he rubbed his back.

Patton didn’t care that his shirt was being used for a tissue, nor did he think about the fact that Logan was currently hugging him like his life depended on it. He cared about the fact that Logan had never felt like himself and he wanted to give Logan that experience.

“I’m sorry.” Logan murmured.

“Take all the time you need.”

That sentence was enough to establish the relationship between his and Patton. It was enough for Logan right now. It was enough for him.

-+=~=+-

Patton stared at the post-it hung in his room. Although the rest of his house was a mess, his room was the only thing neat, organized and color coordinated. The only thing out of place was the white paper hung up on his corkboard in the middle with Logan’s name and number on it in his neat handwriting. He had yet to need to use it, but he had stared at the number so much that he had it memorized to heart.

Then again, he always had a good memory.

However, a phone call interrupted his thoughts.

Without looking at the caller ID, he picked it up, “Hello?”

“Patton. It’s Janus.” his voice sounded worried.

Patton took that time to look at the caller ID, knowing for a fact that he had never gotten Janus’s number. The name “Remus Porter” lit up and it clicked in his head. Remus had given Patton his phone number after they were paired up together the last year for a class and although they never used it again for each other, it came in handy.

“What’s wrong?”

“Are you doing anything right now?”

Patton heard a crash in the living room, along with the yelling he had learned to block out. “Yeah, why?”

“That sounds bad. Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” Patton pressed the phone to his shoulder and cheek as he went to grab the shoes he hid in his closet. He learned that he should always have a way to escape his house through his room. He started to put it on, “What do you need?”

“Remus is in the hospital. Just…come here quick.”

“Wait, wouldn’t you need Virgil and Logan though? They know everything related to his illness.”

“It’s not that. I know everything there is to know about Remus’s illness too. The doctors just aren’t listening to me. They don’t understand that Re will die if he gets put on more pain killers. Just please…come quick.”

“On my way.”

Patton rushed over to the hospital, getting there in less than 5 minutes on foot. He was always a fast runner, and he attributed it to the fact that he had longer legs. It came with the advantage of being tall, and also living close to the hospital.

“Hi, sir, what can I help you with?” The nurse asked as Patton came into the hospital all breathy.

“Where’s Remus Porter being held?”

“Sorry, sir, but the family only permitted relatives to see him.”

“Patton! There you are!” Janus’s face melted into relief, “Remus is in the ICU and I need you to see this for yourself.”

Patton stared at the nurse who sighed, allowing him in and he rushed to Janus, “See what?”

Janus just rolled his eyes as the two of them dashed to Remus’s room where Remus was. He seemed weak, especially attached to all the machines. There was no one else in the room, but the room seemed so loud with the heartbeat monitor continuously beeping.

“Re…I brought Patton.” Janus’s voice was gentler than usual.

“Patton.” Remus croaked, holding his hand out. Patton slowly took it.

“Hey buddy. You don’t look so good. You feeling alright?”

“Shut up.” Remus laughed, “Don’t be like everyone else.”

No quip. No dirty saying. Nothing. Remus truly wasn't feeling good.

Patton snorted, “Janus called me over.”

“I caught a fever from school. Since my immune system is weaker because of my cancer, they have to look me over.” Remus coughed.

“That’s not the problem.” Janus murmured, grabbing Remus’s hand as well. He watched as the Chinese symbols soon appeared on both their heads. “The problem is that he doesn’t feel any better when I am in contact with him. He still feels just as weak, if not even more, and look at the symbol above his head.”

He watched as the symbol of death faded in and out of existence. When Patton could see the symbol, it burned bright red, almost like the color of fire. It looked like it was burning Remus’s forehead.

“Woah.”

“Usually, his symbol goes away after some time of physical contact, but that’s not the case now. And usually it’s not that color.”

“It looks bad. What does that color mean?”

“I’m not exactly sure, since the only place I’ve seen it was on Logan, and he’s very unreadable. I’m guessing it doesn’t mean something too good though. Right now, I think that it means that it means you’re closer to your curse.”

“Yikes.” Patton sighed, “How long they keeping you on bed rest?”

“Until I get better and then a day after.”

“And you don’t think you’re going to be good anytime soon?”

“Nope.” Remus laughed, turning his head to sneeze.

“Bless you.” Patton snorted, “So what you’re telling me is that he’s on the verge of death right now?”

“Everytime he eats a new painkiller, his symbol glows brighter.” Janus murmured, “The doctors won’t stop. They just keep putting him on different medications, hoping one will just stick but it won’t and it’s only hurting him.”

“How do you want me to convince them?”

“I don’t know. You’re charismatic though! You’re the class clown, everyone loves you! You’re the fun, loving Pat! There’s got to be something that you can do!” Janus begged, “Please.”

Patton sighed, “Alright, I’ll see what I can do.”

Remus sneezed, and a nurse came through at that moment.

“Ah, have you brought reinforcements?” The nurse raised an eyebrow, “You have to give some reasoning to him. He’s saying we should get him off the painkillers. It’s almost a death wish for someone with cancer.”

“Except Remus’s a special case. His heartbeat’s weaker and faster ever since you started giving him painkillers. Sure, he may be sneezing less, but his blood pressure is higher. I know you’re recording everything related to his health every hour and giving him new medicines, but the thing is that it’s getting harder and harder to measure them, and you’re afraid that you’ll be sued for getting him off, but you’re actually killing him right now. Do all four of us a favor and stop giving him it. Otherwise...I'm sure you wouldn't want to see me disappointed, missy."

The nurse raised an eyebrow looking at the clipboard in their hand. They sighed, and stared at Janus, “Be glad that your friend here has better reasoning than you.”

With that, the nurse took Remus’s blood pressure and wrote down his heartbeat before leaving.

"Fun, loving Pat to the rescue." Patton flashed a smile at Janus.

Janus sighed before admitting, "Thank you. I couldn't have convinced them without you."

"Of course, Janus! Anything for my bestest friends. If that's all, I'll be going out then."

"Wait, Patton?" Remus coughed as he tried to sit up.

"Yes, Remus?"

“Can you keep this a secret from Logan and Virgil?” Remus asked.

“Why?”

“I haven’t been the most truthful about my illness.”

“What do you mean?” Patton was very concerned now.

“The ghost that’s sucking all my power…has been contacting me more recently when no one’s around. He’s getting more powerful. I can feel him fighting back against my powers, against the painkillers, and more. I feel him fighting back against the blockage of everyone, but Janus.”

“You…don’t want to tell Logan or Virgil? Why? They’re helping you!”

“And I’m so grateful for that, but there are things I just can’t explain to them. I'd rather joke around about my illness and say weird and out-of-pocket things instead of facing the truth that I am dying and there's no workaway around it."

“I’m the least knowledgeable about your illness.”

“That’s exactly why. You won’t try to find an explanation or anything. You just accept it, and will try to help me find a solution. The other two are too obsessed with finding out why it’s like that before they find how to help me.”

Patton sighed, “Logan can see through my lies, so I can’t promise…but I’ll try to keep it a secret.”

“Thank you.” Remus seemed relieved.

Janus rubbed Remus’s forehead, “Alright, get some rest. I’m going to talk to Patton outside.”

“Have fun.” Remus murmured.

The pair walked outside, and Patton turned to Janus, expecting him to say something.

“How’d you know all those things about Remus? I didn’t even pay attention.” Janus asked.

“I didn't. I just winged it, and used a bunch of terms I thought Logan would use.” Patton snorted.

“Nice.” Janus smiled, “I’m not going to stop you from telling Virgil or Logan about Re in the hospital. He’s too important for me to lose. I know Virgil and Logan are going for the slower approach, but I know that approach is probably a stronger cure than the one that Remus wants. He wants a quick and easy way out of his suffering, but it’ll be temporary. Logan wants to find out why so he can find a permanent solution. Virgil wants to make sure that nothing like this happens to anyone else again. I get his point of view, but I also get theirs. I want Re to get better now, but I know that it won’t help him in the long run, and even if we expel the ghost, there’s a chance we could end up hurting someone else. It’s your choice to make on the matter.”

Patton hated the fact that it had to be his choice.

“I trust you either way. I believe we’ll make the right decision.” Janus pat Patton’s back, “I promise you that either way, the group will find a way to get over your choice.”

“Thanks.” Patton gave a small smile. “I think I'm going to head out now. Let me know about anything that changes.”

“I will.” Janus smiled weakly. Patton could see a look of terror and worry flash in Janus, and Patton just pulled Janus into a short hug.

When he left the hospital, he opened up the phone app.

Then, he started to type in numbers. One by one, he typed in the phone number he memorized.

Hovering his finger on dial, he took a deep breath, and let it fall onto the button.

He answered right away and Patton caught a breath, waiting for him to speak.

“Hello?” Logan’s voice sounded sleepy, almost as if he was either just waking up or about to fall asleep.

“You sound awake.” Patton joked.

There was shuffling on the other side, and Patton concluded the boy was still in bed. “Shut up, Morris.” he murmured, “Sundays are my recovery days.”

“You picked up, even if you didn’t know my number?”

“Usually, the person on the other end answers first, and then I reply afterwards, based on the voice and what they say. It has to be someone I know for them to not want to say anything after dialing me first.”

“What if it’s a stalker?”

“They’d have to get through my father who has an extensive knowledge of guns, and me who was trained to use a firearm since I was 10.”

“Fair enough. Just to make sure, I haven’t crossed you enough for you to take out a gun yet.”

“Hm…” Logan yawned, “I’ll think about that.”

Patton couldn’t help the smile that came to his face, “Sorry for bothering you, Sanders.”

“Mh, you always do anyway. What can I do for you?”

“Ah, I can always talk to you later. You sound sleepy and I should let you get back to sleeping.”

“No, you’re already here. Just tell me.”

“You sure you’ll be awake to answer it?”

“I will be if you don’t keep stalling.”

“Fair enough.” Patton chuckled, “I wanted to ask about Remus.”

Logan groaned, “You’re going to make me get up to get my notebooks, aren’t you?”

“I am.” Patton admitted as he walked to a nearby park to sit down at.

He heard shuffling for a while before Logan answered, “Alright, I have gotten it, and have cozied back in bed. What do you need about him?”

“His social security number.”

“Be serious.” Logan scoffed. “I will hunt you down if I find out you made me do all of that for nothing.”

“I wanted to ask about how Remus was. Is he getting better?”

Logan was quiet for a second. “I didn’t need my journal for that.”

“Is it obvious?”

“He’s getting worse. I don’t know what’s going on, but I know the ghost is getting stronger, and there is nothing I can do about it. I’ve tried using precognition, but nothing is showing up. I think the rosary is affecting my powers too since my powers expel both negative and positive energy. The rosary sucks up any negative energy, which protects me from the ghost, but…it also hurts my power.”

“Have you tried it in the shower when you can’t have the rosary on?”

“I’m too paranoid to try taking it off. There’s no doubt I’m a target.”

“I’m sorry.” That was all Patton could say.

“Is that all you wanted to say?”

“Uh…I got records for a Caleb Covington. I’m not certain, but I think it’s our guy. He looks like the dude I got in the vision, and he matches the description, but at the end of the day, he could be one of the workers or pawns for the ghost that’s possessing Remus.”

“Specific details?”

“He died almost 120 years ago in this city, in a freak magic show. He was a magician, apparently he was very well known for being charismatic. After he died, mediums would see him all over the place, and he was seen as pretty friendly. Then, people started to notice that he started to be worse off. Then, one day, he completely disappeared. That happened about 10 years after he died. Then, 30 years after that, ghosts started to disappear. Then, they disappeared completely about 15 years ago, and mediums started to move out of the town. Virgil’s probably the only medium in town right now.” Patton cited off all he could remember from the research he did with his friend who had access to records.

“Huh.” Logan mumbled and he heard scribbling noises being picked up by the mic.

“Did you bring a pen into bed with you?”

“Of course I did. The pen was attached to the journal. I’m not stupid.” Logan scoffed, “Right…thank you for telling me that. I’ll keep my eye out for that.”

“Let me know if you need anything else.” Patton replied numbly.

“I will definitely come to you.” Logan mumbled as he shifted.

“I should really let you sleep.” Patton thought it was endearing that Logan still listened to him fully despite still being half asleep, “What time did you go to sleep last night?”

“Ungodly hours.” Logan sighed, “Are you sure you don’t have anything else you want to tell me? I can hear it in your voice that there’s still something.”

Patton thought about it. Logan knew him too well, but he was also respectful. If Logan believed Patton wasn’t ready to tell him or didn’t want to, Logan wouldn’t press it.

Then, Patton remembered the mark that burned above Remus’s head, and he remembered Janus’s pained face, and the trust Janus had in Patton to make the right choice, and he knew that Remus’s safety was worth more than his pride.

“Remus is in the hospital.”

Logan’s steady breathing, picked up on the mic, hitched as he processed what he said, “Is he okay?”

“He definitely has been better.” Patton remarked, “He caught a cold, and I just only managed to convince the nurse to get him off the painkillers that seemed like they were killing him."

“Good. He shouldn’t be on any pain killers. I told him to stop taking the ones he got from his doctors. He should’ve known his rights. He could’ve refused them himself. Why did he have to be so stubborn and get you to have to convince the nurse?”

“I don’t know.”

“Jeez, Virgil told him to be careful around others because it’s flu season. His immune system is already at risk since we told him to stop taking any of the ones he gets from the doctors treating him.”

“You sound like a worried mother.”

He could practically hear Logan rolling his eyes.

“He’s okay, genuinely?”

“Yeah, for now. I just think that we might need to hurry the process of catching this ghost off guard because right now, he has the upperhand. If it is truly Caleb, he is continuing to get more powerful, and he’s not going to stop until he’s gotten what he’s wanted.”

“Right…” Logan trailed off, yawning again.

“You should go to sleep, Sanders. Sorry for keeping you awake.”

“Mhph, it’s fine.” Logan shifted in bed, “I’ll talk to you later though. I have a lot of thoughts about this.”

“Me? What about Virgil?”

“I’ll talk to him about it after I get more details. Until then, I’ll be sleeping again.”

“Alright. Good night, Logan.”

“Good night, Patton.”

With that, the two hung up, leaving Patton to be smiling at the thought of letting Logan be in his contacts now.

-+=~=+-

Patton liked to think he had a good sleep schedule, but that was later refuted by Logan calling him at 3 am, and him immediately picking up.

“You should be asleep” was the first thing Logan said to him over the phone.

“So should you, Lo. Don’t you need your beauty sleep?”

“Just because I’m a hypocrite doesn’t mean you should point it out.” Logan remarked, “Tell me more about how you know that Remus is dying with the painkillers.”

“So you know how he has the mark of death above his head?”

“Uh huh…”

“In the hospital, it was fading in and out, when usually after some time, it just fades. Then, when it was visible, it looked like it was burning into his forehead, and the color was more of a reddish-orange fire color.”

“Yikes. What does that mean? Does Janus know?”

“Well no, because it had never happened until this year.”

“So Remus’s the first time he’s ever seen it?”

“No…he’s seen it on someone else.”

“Who?”

“You.”

Logan fell silent.

“And I’d love to tell you what I know and what he knows about that, but it isn’t something I can answer, because no one can read you. You don’t tell us anything about yourself, and I’m glad you feel safe with us enough to even talk to us, but please, Logan, Remus’s life is at risk and-”

“It’s probably related to my brother. I hold a lot of regret towards stuff I did to my brother, or stuff I said. I guess, I’d rather keep it away from me, and yet Janus always finds a way to make me feel bad again and remember all the promises I kept to my brother.” Logan sighed, “If that’s the case, and if I feel this intense amount of regret that makes the mark like that, then we need to do something about it. Let’s call a meeting.”

“Right now? At 4 in the morning?” Patton asked, staring at the clock.

“Remus is in the hospital right now, currently dying. Do you really want to stall?” Logan pointed out.

“Good point. How are we supposed to get in contact with them?”

“I’ll deal with that. Meet me at the clock tower at school.”

“How long is this going to be? Because you have to remember that we have school tomorrow.”

“Good thing tomorrow’s a school field trip for the five of us.”

“What?”

“Hey, I promised my brother I’d save the living, but I never promised my parents I wouldn’t abuse my powers. Remus is the living who is on the verge of dying, and I’m willing to abuse a few of my powers to authorize an unplanned school field trip that doesn’t use school funds for a club that does not exist.” Logan remarked.

It was the first time Patton ever heard personality in Logan's voice, and he knew that the Logan he used to be was coming back full force. ——————– angsty logan is my fav to write fr <3 (see porch tears for one example that's so real), but logicality will always be my fav ship, even if it's not really shown in how much i make these two be tortured. but remus having development and being in so much pain that he can't even make his jokes is so sadddd :((((. ANGST DOES GET BETTER LATER THO I PROMISE <3

If you enjoyed this, please consider reblogging! Reblogging helps me a lot and it's just two clicks of a button (trust me, likes don't do anything to help me). Check out my masterlist for more, feel free to request any writings, and stick around if you want to see the rest of what I have in store for this! :)

[9tzuyu]

stay.

note: normally i try not to get too personal with authors notes, but #lolz feeling a little silly and goofy ig

i really debated posting this because all it is - is a huge vent/dump fic. i don't expect anyone to read this or for it to really go anywhere and that's fine with me. i'm actually a little embarrassed? i guess you could say? i don't know. a lot of issues are coming up revolving around my ed so i just had to get it out.

+ i do promise to try and work on requests and lighter stuff. i still cant afford a new computer so im doing everything from my phone. it'll take some time, i'm sorry about that. i'll try my best to get requests out as soon as i can.

warnings: talks about anorexia/eating disorders. if you decide to read this i strongly advise you to take a moment beforehand because i do go pretty in depth at some points. i dont want to trigger anyone or anything, so the warning is here.

**please note that this is heavy thought based at first before it moves onto dialogue.

**and remember this is just a vent/comfort fic i originally wrote for myself, so if it’s not as good as any of my other fics you guys like i’m sorry.

ALSO SORRY TO KILL THE HALLOWEEN SPIRIT HELP

++ please be safe tonight

ty moli for proofreading i love u <3

it was impossible to understand why such an awful thing could be glamorized

you were only ten when you first stumbled across the sites. sacred rules could be found plastered all over the home pages in cute fonts to distract from how twisted the demands were. lists of diets and calorie counting apps were always linked on the side, along with pages full of videos pertaining to weight loss. 

even at a young age, you knew it was obviously all wrong, that the people running these blogs had to be sick themselves. but that didn’t stop you from continuing your exploration of the community. once you started you couldn’t stop.

by the time you were twelve, you counted on laxatives and self-induced vomiting to ease your insecurities. it worked for a while, but then it wasn’t enough. you had to do more, be better than the person you were a few months prior. 

at thirteen, you joined group chats and ran your own little blog tied to those who could relate. the praise for losing weight easily became your biggest motivator. because if you were the smallest, you were the best. within a few years, you’d been perfectly trained into thinking that less was good, and that becoming more was the worst thing you could ever be. 

you were taught that losing hair and bruises on your skin were the things you wanted. if you didn’t have those, then you were hopeless, not enough. others in the community told you to look up to those cliche, horribly written characters with eating disorders. no matter how many stereotypes and stigmas they gave off, those characters would always be praised some way or another. you weren’t shocked to say that reading winter girls did you no favors at all.

the next few years were on and off between misery and glimpses of happiness. it was never ending. nonetheless, you ignored what every therapist told you and remained firm on the belief that your body was different from the rest. your body wouldn’t go too far like the others because you were strong. you’d come so far already, why would you stop now? 

you denied your diagnosis of anorexia because nothing was wrong. you weren’t in a hospital bed dying of heart failure. why were you supposed to believe what you were doing wasn’t right when nothing serious has gone wrong? that was your point, although you knew somewhere in your mind it wasn’t normal to cry over a turkey sandwich or panic at the thought of even smelling food. 

so you stayed true to your routine of hiding food, packing on layers of concealer, and lying straight through your teeth when asked if you’d stuck to your meal plan. 

it never lasted long though because despite your best efforts, your body would eventually give away the truth on its own. weigh-ins became impossible to trick, your extra small clothes hung two sizes too big over your body. anyone with eyes could see that you’d been less than truthful the entire time.

as you got older, you found that some years were better than others. your body could be healthy and you found yourself genuinely enjoying those around you. friends and family said you were more fun to be around. during those times they didn’t have to worry so much, they could laugh at lame jokes you’d tell without thinking it might be the last one they’d ever hear.

during those years, your eating disorder was much more quiet. you were able to eat food and not feel as guilty as you would when you were sick. the thoughts were always there; they were just more manageable than before.

but somewhere in your twenties, you found yourself still stuck in the cycle introduced to you at the tender age of ten. you were old enough now to know and believe what you were doing was wrong, but the fear of facing and fighting back against your eating disorder was too scary of a thought for you to handle. 

you knew now that when you were younger people brainwashed you into believing smaller was better. they took the lighter side of eating disorders and turned them into goals you’d want to reach.

the people you’d met on pro-anorexia websites romanticized the fuck out of the disease, leading you to believe you’d be beautiful and envied by others as long as you had a gap between your thighs and size zero pants around your waist. you thought someone would’ve wanted you as long as you were frail and dainty (two words commonly misused to describe someone who was actually weak and dying). 

it was a mystery to you at sixteen why you were so miserable when you were promised happiness and self-confidence. girls didn’t envy you like you’d been told they would. instead they’d stare at you, weirded out by how freakishly skinny you were. your name was constantly in people’s mouths at school, everyone wondering why you’d ever want to look like that. 

friendships didn’t last long either. you wore people out with your constant need to skip out last minute on plans that had been scheduled for over a week. things didn’t make your case any better when you’d snap at your friends for wanting to get something to eat because they were hungry. a few small, petty arguments too many, and they’d be on their way as far from you as they could go. 

you’d never felt more alone in your life when even your longest friends started to grow tired of your behavior. 

why couldn’t they think about how tired you were of it? you are with yourself 24/7 after all.

those in charge of the sites forgot to mention all the extremes you’d learn to go to when it came to avoiding or getting rid of food. it was more than just sneaking dinner into your dog's mouth. for you, it was hiding sacks of vomit in your closet, throwing them in a large plastic bag the night before trash day. for you it was throwing up in your friend's front yard while they ran inside for a few minutes to get something. for you it was hitting yourself in the stomach for over an hour hoping to replace hunger pain with physical pain against your body. 

no one ever mentioned the insane beliefs that tagged along with anorexia. like the ones you had where you thought fast food water had calories in it because it was surrounded by the smell of food, or thinking that shampoo and advil had hidden calories in them that would somehow leak into your body. 

you knew how stupid and irrational everything sounded, but those beliefs were so ingrained in your mind it was hard to challenge them. 

another unmentioned concern no one cared to bring up was the fact that you’d eventually have to tell people new in your life what you’d struggled with. you told natasha awhile before you started dating her and she didn’t run off or stray away from you. you were grateful for that, but it didn’t make things very much easier for you.

if things were bad, then date nights rarely ever consisted of going out for food. this hardly ever bothered natasha too much, but you could see the occasional falter in her eyes when you told her you’d rather do something else. she’d love to take you out hold your hand as you walked to the ice cream shop after you’d eaten dinner. she’d love to enjoy a glass of wine or two at a nice restaurant with a four course meal, but you couldn’t always give her that.

there had been a few dates ruined by your eating disorder. the worst of which came just a few short months after you’d told her about your issue. 

the fair was in town and natasha was over the moon about the idea of taking you with her. you weren’t in the best mindset that particular day though. the thought of being around fried, greasy food was enough to make your stomach churn, but you saw how happy she was and didn’t want to ruin her the surprise she had for you. 

half way through the night you had a panic attack, cutting the date short. words couldn’t even begin to describe how guilty you felt. natasha drove you back to hers, silence filling the air after you apologized profusely. she spent the night watching over you, making sure you didn’t do anything because she knew how angry you were with yourself. 

dates like those came few and far between, especially through the years you weren’t struggling as badly. 

you couldn’t say the same for now though.

you tapped your feet against the tile flooring as you sat in the lobby of your doctor's office. natasha sat next to you, hand clasped tightly over yours. she was worried. beyond worried, really. 

like many times before in the previous years, you’d managed to hide your relapse quite well from others. the only reason natasha knew now was because you’d passed out on the job. you’d woken up in the hospital to her setting a glass of water on the table next to your bed. 

you argued about it for three days before finally agreeing to go to the doctor. 

truth be told, natasha was probably more worried about it than you were. the only thing occupying your mind was the fear of having to gain weight again, but also the chance that you might lose natasha if you didn’t get it together this time. 

you weren’t a kid anymore. you knew very well she had the right to leave if she wanted to. you also knew the bind you were putting her in. if she left, natasha would run the risk of worsening your situation and in a month's time she might not ever see you again. but if she stayed, then she’d only be screwing herself over by destroying her own mental health. 

neither one of those options were ones you liked. 

“y/n?”

you looked up to see a nurse standing in the doorway of the lobby. natasha gripped your hand as you stood up and you nodded for her as an okay to follow you. stepping on the scale was the worst part, especially since the nurse had no idea of your current situation and decided to allow you to look at the number in front of you. natasha was about to say something, but you’d already seen what the scale said, anyway. 

she did, however, grimace at the sight of how skinny your arm was when you took off your jacket for a blood pressure check. just like the rest of your body it was too thin. 

“temperature and weight are low-”

you are slowly dying, was the translation.

“-but your blood pressure is just above where it should be.” she left the room after jotting down the reason for your visit, telling you that your doctor would be in shortly. 

you spent the next fifteen minutes waiting in an uncomfortable silence, watching as natasha fiddled with the ring on her index finger. 

“it’ll be okay, nat.” 

 “we’ll see what the doctor says.”

“i’m sorry.” she sighed, running her fingers through her hair. “i know you are.”

 her reply didn’t help the matter, only making you feel more guilty by the second. guilt you didn’t have room to feel when you were the one doing this to yourself.

a light knock on the door made noise and your doctor walked in, a smile on her face like the previous times you’d been in her office.

“hello dr. hill.”

“y/n,” she greeted. 

the doctor flicked through your files on her computer before she addressed you herself.

“want to tell me in your own words what happened?”

you shrugged, “hit another relapse. passed out at work. argued with my girlfriend over whether or not i should be here.” 

she hummed, taking your hands in her own, examining how blue your fingernails had turned. “a lot less pink from the last time i saw you.” 

her stethoscope met your spine, and you inhaled, exhaling as she moved it around the back of your body.

“lungs sound fine.” you waited patiently until she finished listening to your chest. “your heartbeat isn’t where i’d like it to be, but seeing as you’re a little over twenty pounds underweight, it’s exactly where i’d expect it to be.” 

dr. hill paused, jotting down a few notes on her clipboard. “i strongly recommend hospitalization.” deal breaker. you shook your head instantly, instantly regretting making the appointment. 

natasha swallowed back a sob full of anger and frustration. “why not?”

“i just can’t, alright? it’s not even that bad.” you mumbled.

dr. hill stepped out into the hallway, giving you and natasha space to talk.

“did you not hear her? jesus christ it’s like talking to a brick wall with you.” she paced around the room, emotions too high for her to think properly before speaking.

“well then leave, natasha. i don’t care anymore.”

“i don’t want to! that’s the last thing i ever want to do to you. but god, why can’t you just fucking eat?”

she couldn’t stop the words from slipping from her mouth. her heart broke when she saw the look on your face.

“and why can’t you understand it’s not always about that?” you whispered to the ground.

“i know. i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to say that. but please, we can do this together. i’ll there every step of the way, you just have to want it for yourself.” she pleaded, eyes watery with tear tracks tracing the edge of her jaw.

“i just want to go home. can we just go home, please?”

. . .

the smell of natasha’s dinner aired throughout the kitchen. you watched as she filled her plate with a variety of things. it looked good — good enough to eat — you couldn’t lie about that.

natasha hadn’t spoken a word to you since the appointment earlier in the day, too upset to even think about it.

you were conflicted about everything.

literally everything.

but seeing natasha sitting alone, face propped up resting against her arm, flipped something inside of you.

you could almost hear her voice telling you to try, just try, that’s all she wanted from you. the both of you knew you’d end up dead if you didn’t. and you didn’t really want that, no matter how many times you wished it would happen.

so you went to grab your own plate, filling as much as you thought you were comfortable with and sat next to nat. this was the first time you’d done this in months.

you inhaled, but made no move to take a bite.

your thoughts had never been this loud before. it was bickering back and forth, nonstop.

you wont be good anymore if you eat that.

– yes i will.

you’re disgusting.

– i’m just hungry.

it’ll go away.

– i just want to eat. it’s just food. nothing more.

you know you can’t do that. you’re bad, horrible, the worst person in the world. so be good.

“damnit!” you slammed your fork down, startling natasha.

breathe.

“you’ve got this.” natasha’s soft voice came from beside you and her hand clasped into yours. “how’s this? i can talk about something, anything you’d like to take your mind off of this.”

you cleared your throat with a small nod, “it’s almost halloween.”

“it is. do you want to do anything this year?”

“can we dress up and give away candy to the kids? and can we stay up and watch horror movies?” natasha giggled, “we sure can.”

she noticed how your fork began to circle around the food, pushing and shoving it around.

“can you take another bite?”

no.

don’t.

the metal hit your tongue, food leaving the fork and into your mouth.

“do you have any ideas as to what you would like to dress up as?”

“mmm. well i think we should definitely go as edward and bella from twilight.” you replied sarcastically.

“i love you, but there’s no way in hell you’ll get me to dress up as a sparkly vampire.”

her thumb rubbed the top of your knuckles. “another bite please. you’re almost there.”

your lip trembled and you could feel the lump in your throat start to form. you felt so stupid and humiliated that natasha had to do this for you.

with a shaky breath, you exhaled, pushing yourself once more.

“i think we should go as gay ken and barbie.” your lip twitched into a smile. “and who would you be?”

“well ken of course,” she confirmed.

“what it i wanted to be ken?”

“and what if i wanted to just wear a cat's ear headband with a black turtleneck and pants and call it a costume?”

“if you want to, we can.” the redhead smiled, shaking her head. “we can be anything your little heart desires. now, one last bite?”

and one last bite it was.

you liked that natasha didn’t clap and cheer when you finished your plate. too many times you’d been told “i’m so, so proud of you!” or “i can’t believe you actually finished!”, it was annoying. those types of things always made you feel like a child who couldn’t do anything to begin with.

instead, natasha went with a gentle “i knew you could do it” and went to put the dish in the sink. it felt nice to have someone really believe in you.

“c’mon, we can get ahead on our horror movie watching a little early.”

natasha went to grab your hand, leading you into the livingroom and onto the couch. you tensed when her arm wrapped around your body.

gross. disgusting. she shouldn’t touch you.

“hey, where’d you go just now?”

“hm? nowhere. i’m here.” she knew you were lying, but decided not to push.

natasha’s hand moved from your side up to your head, scrunching her fingers together to scrape her nails against your scalp.

not good. tainted. dirty. wrong.

“what movie would you like to watch?” she clicked the remote and scrolled through a series of horror movies.

ruined.

“bride of chucky?” when she didn’t receive a reply she pressed play anyway, knowing it was one of your favorites.

natasha tried her best to keep you as distracted as possible. she went from letting you play with her hair and rings to asking questions about the movie, despite already knowing the answers.

“we should go as chucky and tiffany. don’t you think? i’ve already got the red hair.”

why would you do that?

“yeah, that’d be fun.” your voice cracked, causing natasha’s previous hand movements to come to a halt.

“is there anything i can do to help you right now?”

“i just don’t want to be here right now.” natasha’s eyes widened, and you quickly went to clarify what you meant. “no- no- not like that! not like that at all. i just… i don’t know, i feel stupid.”

“why?”

“we have a bathroom. i just ate.” not a second later and natasha put the pieces together.

“oh.”

you nodded, “it’s stu-”

“it’s not stupid. it’s triggering.”

natasha moved to get off the couch, disappearing out of your sight. you didn’t have the energy to try and see what she was doing, so you stayed put.

“let’s go for a drive. i know a spot you might like. it’s quiet, away from the city. we can just talk or listen to music. we could also just sit in silence if you want, i don’t mind. whatever it takes until you feel ready to come back.”

you didn’t bother trying to tell her that she didn’t have to do this because she wouldn’t listen anyway. natasha’s stubbornness was honestly one of the few things that’s saved you.

“nirvana? stevie nicks? what are you in the mood for?” natasha asked you softly, thumb tapping her screen as she scrolled through her spotify playlists.

“will you play kurt’s version of the man who sold the world, please?”

“of course. and you know you’re always welcome to change the song. i put it on shuffle though.”

the ride there was more relaxing than you thought it would be. your mind and body were too focused on the lyrics of the song and fiddling with natasha’s free hand. the thoughts were still there, just not as loud as before.

soon enough, you and natasha both laid flat against the back of her car staring up at the moon. it was still. no noise could be heard apart from the sound of crickets a few feet away.

you had room to think, room to breathe.

you thought about what some of your friends were doing right now. you’d seen pictures on instagram of them representing their college, a couple of party posts, and the occasional travel selfie.

those were all the things you wanted to do, but couldn’t. it was easy to let yourself feel jealous. sure, you were more than grateful to have natasha, but there’s nothing fun about being in a relationship with someone so self-destructive. there was no doubt natasha loved you, but it’s hard to love someone who doesn’t want to be loved; or at least acts like they don’t.

so the choice was once again up to you. what was more important? spending days wasting away over something you’ll never reach? or living a new life, one that could be exciting, outside of your eating disorder?

“what’s on your mind?” natasha questioned, turning her head to the side to get a better view of your face. your cheeks were more hallow than she remembered and it made her stomach turn.

you hummed, “i was so caught up in my own pain i didn’t realize how much i was hurting everyone else around me. this race to be perfect; look where it got me.”

natasha didn’t know what the right thing to say was. your statement wasn’t necessarily wrong, so she couldn’t argue against it.

“i used to tell myself that my eating disorder never took anything from me. everyone always had something, whether it be a sport, or theater, or dance. i didn’t have that. and then i realized that’s exactly what my eating disorder took away from me. i haven’t done anything in the past decade except go through the motion. every day up until now i’ve lived to obey my eating disorder.”

there was pause, another inhale and another exhale.

“you could say i have someone; my family or friends, but after awhile they get tired. they stop trying and asking. they stop caring. a few years down the road and now i have a strained relationship with everyone i used to be close with. i guess it made it easier to accept what would inevitably happen to me.”

you turned to face her, a shaky breath leaving your mouth. “i don’t want to die, nat.”

the redhead had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from crying. she couldn’t imagine a life without you, she didn’t want to imagine it.

“had i known when i was a kid that this would be my life i would’ve never continued on like this.”

“you still have time, you can still get better.” she reasoned.

“i know, it’s just hard.”

“you’re in the fight for your life, it won’t ever be easy.” natasha affirmed. “but i know you can do this.”

“we’ll see.”

. . .

*gasp* an eating disorder fic that doesn’t revolve around the fear of getting fat? v tired of that stereotype pleek not everyone with an ed is like that.

[almadelsur]

in love and war | j.m

Summary: You and JJ cannot seem to stop going at each other's throats , as the tension builds the more your volatile relationship breaks. Whilst finding new ways to hurt each other, the pair of you often end up taking things too far.

Warnings: Angst, verbal fighting, mentions of violence ig?, toxic friendship/relationship, I think that’s pretty much it?

A/N: Hey guys !! So I’ve decided to repost all of my obx content from my old account onto my new writing account, as i have now reopened my obx inbox and am writing for a few characters again!! Unfortunately due to deleting my old posts, my taglists have also been deleted and i can’t remember every account that wanted to be part of it soooooo just drop me a message if you would like me to add you to my new taglist! Hope you enjoy !! :)

JJ Maybank x Reader

Teaser 

“I can’t fucking deal with you anymore!”

The volume expelling from your mouth was loud enough to alert the whole cut of your ‘private conversation’. This wasn’t an unfamiliar event between you and the blonde. Objects flying, high octaves and flailing limbs on the verge of violence. But never quite.

To an extent you felt bad for the poor shaggy haired owner of the house which had seemingly turned into yours and jj’s battlefield. But even if it bothered him, John B never said anything, instead just opting out to remove himself from the crowded war ground. When that wasn’t possible, he’d sit out the back on the hammocks quietly swinging back and forth, staring out at the water waiting for the fight to die down. At least today he had company, which honestly was still as uncomfortable as being alone, as himself, kie and pope struggled to make conversation with the sounds of you and JJ breaking each other belting out from inside the house, deciding to just perch and let the tension engulf them silently.

“Every fucking single day JJ. You’re driving me insane!!” You spat at him tangling your fingers in your hair and gripping at your roots for emphasis. The action hurt you but you paid it no mind, finding it fitting more than anything. You were furious and JJ’s lax “I don’t give a fuck” attitude only added fuel to your fire.

Despite the way he rolled his eyes and sat back comfortably on the couch placing his feet up on the table, you knew you were pushing him to the edge, you knew it’d only be a matter of seconds before he snapped and matched your hysterics.

But he wasn’t at that point yet, instead he just scoffed and kept his attention trained on the tv in front of him.

“Just chill out, there’s always something new with you for fucks sake.” He didn’t even look at you as he spoke but he knew exactly what he was doing, he knew what buttons to push, how to trigger you. A double edged sword as you, in turn, knew his triggers too and often weaponized them in times such as these. And so before you could catch yourself, you crossed your arms, looked down at him and put on your best disgusted face before spitting out.

“You know what JJ? Rafe was right about you” Everything about your demeanour, including your tone and the words that had come out of your mouth, made it seem as if JJ was the lowest most repulsive thing you’d ever laid your eyes on. Of course, you were bullshitting, JJ was everything to you. The boy was no saint, but to you? To you, it was like the sun shone out of his ass, sometimes even during times like these.

But you both knew each other’s weak spots and insecurities all too well. And JJ had a real thing about being looked down on. When you first met him you figured it was a pogue thing, you weren’t exactly a full kook but you were definitely well off so you often found yourself bang in the middle of the island’s class divide. As the months progressed, however, you’d come to realize that it was definitely more of a JJ thing. The other pogues had no trouble shrugging their shoulders and looking the other way whenever someone scoffed at them or threw a remark their way, but JJ didn’t have the self control to let even a glance slide. So when the comment came out of your mouth, you knew the fight was about to take a turn for the worse. Almost instantly proved right, a heavy silence hung in the air and in mere seconds JJ’s face was inches from yours, the ice in his eyes sending shivers down your spine.

“You been talkin to Rafe about me?” The way he growled out his question almost made you back away from the whole thing and apologize then and there. Almost. But you were too stubborn and once you flipped the switch it was hard to pull yourself back down.

“Yeah I have actually” You challenged, puffing out your chest, feebly attempting to regain some form of control over the situation. JJ’s stance on the other hand made it impossible, you knew he would never hurt you or lay his hands on you, but the way he was looking at you resembled a starved lion eyeing up the oblivious lamb unknowing of its pending demise.

It was clear to the both of you that he had the upper hand in the twisted power struggle you were fighting for. At this point you just wanted to win, you wanted to hurt him, make him feel something. It was clear that you weren’t going to regain the power physically as you all but crumbled underneath his forbidding stare, so the poison had to be delivered verbally.

JJ nodded slowly a couple of times letting a low hum escape from the back of his throat before speaking again. “And what exactly did he say about me then?” He was stern and quiet, an unusual thing for the manic boy who often matched your hysterics. This was different. He was different this time. Rage bubbling beneath his golden surface, yet manifesting in a far more menacing way and if you were being honest, it scared the crap out of you. You cleared your throat, not trusting the sound of your own voice, knowing that whatever sass or confidence you had before had been stripped right out of you. Still without hesitation you just about managed to deliver the fatal blow.

“He said I shouldn’t waste my time with someone that isn’t good enough for me.” As soon as you said it, the realization came crashing down on your shoulders along with the weight of your words because suddenly you saw that he wasn’t the predatory lion. You were.

[choiwrites]

kth | wolfgirl (m.)

Words: 10k  Genre: twlight!au, it’s new moon but taetae as jacob, ur bella but you have a personality :o, oh also smut and a little angst Warnings: no protection and no fcks given, language ig?, descriptive seggs lol, vampires and all that bs if that triggers sum of yall, oral (f receiving), tae is younger than u and kind of a sub (dom tae is overdone we need change in this country) i cant think no more no thots hed mt Rating: 18+ Song: Iron & Wine - Flightless Bird, American Mouth Summary:  During your stay at your Aunt's house in the wet town of Forks, you never thought the boys next door will change your perspective in how you see the world.

The weather in Washington was something you’re not used to. You can never go places without getting mud on your shoes and it takes more than your patience to clean them every time before going out. Sure, it was great to experience a different weather other than the blazing sun in Los Angeles, but it was hard to adjust. You weren’t ready for it with all the sleeveless and loose tops you brought from Los Angeles.

After months of debating with your mom, you decided it would be a great way to spend your summer vacation turning your camera focus into something more dark and cloudy. Your professor had also suggested that it would look good in your portfolio if you try different moods in photos other than the hot weather in Angeles. So, you thought about it for months before asking your mom to buy you tickets to see your Aunt Sylvia who you're currently living with for the meantime.

She was in her mid-thirties, but she looked younger than her real age. She knew how to groom and with the way she looks, she probably had that life during her high school days. You rarely see her though, you can remember all the conversations you both had. She leaves home early for her duty at the police station as an attending desk officer. Her place wasn't big, an average suburban house painted in cold tones of white and gray with dark furniture inside. It's not your typical definition of cozy. Good thing you brought your two sweaters — one with a Christmas tree embroidered on it and one with the phrase "'tis the season!" Wearing a sweater in Los Angeles only means one thing, and that is the season of giving. But who cares, it's not like anyone was going to notice, right?

About to finish the second cup of black tea, an idea pops into your mind about what Sylvia had said about the landscapes nearby the house. However, she had warned you about the risks of a few wild coyote appearances, but one could call you a junkie. There’s no fun in danger, but dangerous does rhyme with adventurous.

A cool whip of breeze enters the thin fabric of your sweater, immediately regretting stepping out of the doorstep after locking the door. As you are approaching the back of the house to enter the woods, young laughters echo through the area, lessening your fear for a bit. It must be safe if a group of teenagers are hanging out in such a secluded forest.

Unbothered by the noises, whether they were from teenagers or not, you make your way further into the woods of coppery branches on the endless verdant ground with subtle eau de nils. It’s like walking into a surreal three-dimensional render of a forest, too perfect to be right in front of your eyes.

It was quiet and serene in the woods. Aside from birds chirping, it felt like out of this world. It was an alien planet. Everything was green — the moss surrounding the place, every tree had some sort of fungi beneath it, the soil dark brown as if staring right into the earth’s eyes. The very healthy kind of earthy, and it was easier to breathe in the forest than it was in the city of Los Angeles. No wonder why they're both on the opposite sides of the country. They're literally poles apart. Being at Forks, it's as if you were able to be in a different country. It was secluded, unlike in Angeles, there are people in every place you go.

While changing the film of the camera, a strong gust of wind on your left side. So strong that your body stumbled onto the ground. You were on your knees, camera shattered as it hits a hard medium-sized rock. You break a couple of curses to the wind.

The camera looked hopeless with lenses separated from it, lying in pieces against a rock.

"What the hell was that?" 

There had to be some kind of a fast animal that ran from your side, which quickens your pulse, but the devastation you felt for the camera overthrew that fear. When you caught a glimpse of the 'wind,' it was human-like. It ran around in every direction surrounding you,  freezing you into place. The only thing you were able to do was to keep watching the human-like creature run in circles like lightning. You tried standing up, but it approached you in a rapid current that you fell into place again. But you couldn't see it, you weren't able to look into its eyes.

"You shouldn't be out here alone,” behind you says.

You whimper, embarrassed when the deep voice sends hums into your nerves.. 

"Why didn't you run?" He looks at you with knitted brows as he approaches to help you get on your feet. He’s far too attractive to be a wild coyote, you slap that stupid thought away.

"I... I didn't know what to do,” you force out, still affected by the broken camera and creeping fear.

He was around four inches taller than you. He looked about your age. Dark thick hair, with light brown irides inside his almond-shaped eyes. His skin was of a rich walnut tan, and his dark green hoodie complements that. 

"You must be Sylvia's niece. I'm Taehyung,” he said in a sultry manner as he offered a hand for a handshake.

"How do you kno-"

"She told us. My family's close with Sylvia. Our mothers used to be best friends, y/n." He puts his hand back in the pocket of his hoodie.

A tinge of embarrassment brushes through your cheeks, feeling guilty that you didn't give him a handshake. But all of that is ignored when he smiles.

"Did I creep you out?"

You chuckle softly. "No, of course not. I'm just still in the moment... of processing." You ease him, as if you were able to read the tension in his undecipherable eyes.

There was a few seconds of silence before Taehyung spoke again when he noticed your camera on the ground.

"Hey, we have a technician at home, maybe he has some tools he could help you with."

He was absolutely gorgeous. You find yourself lost in his face, studying his features and every little action he does. He would look so good as a muse. If only you could capture him right now, he'd be perfect under the clouds that create shadows that contour his cheeks and makes his eyes even more mysterious.

"Don't worry, you can trust me. Sylvia knows where I live,” he adds. 

Though that doesn't really solve the problem, you find yourself walking with Taehyung in the woods, drifting away from the devastation and fear from earlier. 

The laughters were from them. The laughs you heard earlier before entering the woods were from Taehyung's friends. They confirmed that they were walking around the woods earlier and that they passed by your house. All looking friendly with similar doe eyes, almost like they were relatives. They were all in a circle, all of them sitting on a chunk of thick logs, dressed in a similar way. The men were younger than you, but there is a girl who's older than you. She didn't seem as friendly as the others as you notice the judging glances towards your way. She had shoulder length of hair and she was just as tan as Taehyung. Taehyung discussed each of them one by one to you, all of them introducing themselves in an endearing manner except for her. Only saying her name was Leah and that was it, which made you feel an ounce of intimidation.

"So, y/n, how long do you plan to stay?" Embry, the one with the shortest hair, asks as he plays with the two twigs he'd been digging up dirt with the moment you arrived. His color was a tad bit darker than the others. He had a grin that could steal every girl's heart. He was gorgeous. They were all just as gorgeous as Taehyung.

"Oh, one month. I have a college application to fix back home,” you answered surely. You were only here to take photos for your college portfolio, and making friends was out of the picture until today.

"Sucks for Tae, I had a feeling you could be more than a willing candidate to be his girlfriend." Everybody laughed except for you and Tae who exchanged awkward glances at each other.

"Stop it, Bry." Taehyung wanted to laugh along but embarrassment got the best of him.

"She looks so out of place. You probably party a lot in Los Angeles, don't you?" Leah gives you a stern look, seriously waiting for your response. She only wants to get a reaction from you and you weren’t the only one to get the feeling as the group feels the rising tension between the both of you.

"No, I don't go to parties. Mom is very strict." You tell her. You didn't want the group to feel that you were intimidated, after all, you wanted to befriend everyone.

"She'd be perfect for our overnight tomorrow then." She prickly grins.

"Right! Want to join us in La Push? It's the nearest beach out here. We'll have bonfires and such," Seth, the youngest one with the tiniest body (still bigger than yours), expresses in excitement. Out of all of them, Seth was the friendliest. 

"I'll go talk to Sylvia for you, if you want." Taehyung raises his brows. He had been laughing quietly ever since he had brought you to meet his friends - which seems like he regrets, additionally. He was more mysterious than you thought. He didn't share much of his life during the discussion, only three things: his last name was Kim, he’s 20 years old, and he lives at the rez along with the rest of the team.

"Sure. I'll just bring my other camera." You smiled.

Taehyung said that he'll get Chase, a friend of his who wasn’t part of the circle, to fix the broken film camera. He assured that it will only be a matter of three days before the camera is all yours again. After a few more useless fun discussions, you had forgotten that the sun had settled for a while. When Taehyung realizes your face of worry, he offers to give you a ride home. Great, a ride with the wild coyote who had immediately earned your trust by rising a brow. You wouldn’t be so shocked if you end up ‘missing’ in the news in the next hours.

He owned a Chevy pick up truck. It was red, but faded, making it seem vermillion in color. It had a few dents and you were sure that it wasn't one of the smoothest rides you've ever had. But Taehyung made a few jokes about how he feels uneasy with the truck as well, only to reveal that it has been with him ever since his birth.

"It's great. Very retro." You gave him a smile to let him know that he doesn't need to feel embarrassed with his truck.

"Shut up, Y/N. I know it sucks, okay. I can't even play a single song here without a static." He laughs and you admit it.

He gave a charming wave to your window and had a small chat with Sylvia, who’s been home for hours, before leaving, probably about the La Push trip for tomorrow. Once you've changed into your pyjamas, Sylvia knocks on your door as you are about to settle in bed.

"Tae told me about the La Push camping tomorrow,” she began.

"Are you gonna let me?"

She smiles in an assuring way. You can't deny how lovely she looked with her hair down, her waves framing her heart-shaped face. "Of course, honey. You better wake up early tomorrow. Tae told me that he'll pick you up by seven." She winks and rubs your shoulder before heading downstairs.

A beach trip in a cloudy town without bringing any hoodies with you? Sounds about perfect, if you’re looking for a hypothermia attack. And you were never a morning person either so it’s a big mystery why you even agreed to go in the first place. The waking time in Los Angeles was ten in the morning. In Forks, it was seven. 

When Taehyung arrived, he was wearing a black shirt and a black leather jacket, pairing it with slightly oversized pants. He looked bigger than yesterday, maybe it was the jacket that made him look buff. He waved softly before you even stepped out of the doorway. He was carrying a medium-sized paper bag with small wet stains.

"My sister made us breakfast. Just in case you didn't have enough time to prepare," he opens the car door for you and waved to Sylvia goodbye, "thought you'd take more time because you probably wake up late in the city."

“I’m somehow a little offended with that assumption,” you cooed and he replied with a stammering laugh, unsure whether to take it as a joke or not.

He fumbled with the stereo and it played better than yesterday, giving you a sloppy smile as the first chords of Creep by Radiohead plays.

"You fixed it?" You take a bite from the sandwich his sister prepared. You thank God his sister prepared it for you, your stomach would be growling by now.

"Yeah. I just didn't want us to have that awkward silence along the way." He breathily laughs.

Everything Taehyung has is beautiful. He had an amazing laugh, a deep sultry voice, and doe eyes. He's simply astonishing. You were sure that everyone he has met so far had fallen in love with him. You weren't one to deny that either.

It took around fifteen songs before the both of you arrived at the beach — thanks to Taehyung's amazing playlist. It was quiet, the weather didn't change much in the place. Still cold and dark, untouched by a glimpse of sunrise. It was windier than the rest of Forks, and you wore your Christmas sweater to at least help with the cold a bit.

It was weird to say, but Taehyung radiated heat whenever you were near him. It's like when you're not around Taehyung, you feel the coldness of Forks. His truck didn't even feel cold though his air conditioning was on, you just felt a sense of unfamiliar comfortable heat you found yourself curling in your seat minutes ago. The group welcomed the both of you except for Leah of course. Sooner or later, you knew you'd start to hate her.

"You guys are early,” you tell Embry and Paul as they greet you with warm hugs.

"Of course, we are. It's La Push, baby." Embry gives you a wink and you blush.

"Okay, Bry, I haven't had my breakfast and you're already winking." Paul fake puked and the rest of the group laughs.

They started setting up tents as Taehyung offered to take your bag when he noticed how it's weighing you down. Before he could put it in the tent, you took your digital camera and started roaming around by yourself to take pictures of the view. Astounding as you had expected. It's like you were in the middle of nowhere. Only Taehyung's friends were at the beach which was a lucky shot for you and the group.

"Set up the fire, Tae! We're having breakfast." Leah yells across the place as she places the logs in the middle of the circle the tents are built in.

Taehyung sighs loudly. "Get ready for the Quileute Tribe stories." 

"You seem tired of it, you joked.

While Taehyung builds a fire with the rest of the boys, you secretly take pictures of him busy as the both of you keep talking.

"It's always the story every camping day. The Quileute Legends, you know? The scary stuff." 

You knit your brows when the word ‘scary’ comes into play, bringing your camera down to take a better look at the almost sweaty Taehyung.

"Scary stuff? How scary? Thrill me." You weren't aware as to how much Taehyung also studies your features. He wanted to know you better, but he was afraid of scaring you away by asking too many questions. It had always been his issue, scaring people away from him. And this time, he didn't want to let you in like the others, he just wanted to be acquaintances. But the more he spends time with you, the more he wants to be near you as if there were magnets pulling you together.

"I don't know what would thrill you, y/n. But the world is darker than you think, it's not always safe." He gives you a look. It was impossible. You were five feet away from him, but you could almost see your reflection in his eyes. It was too comforting. You were devoured by his eyes, falling steadily into his charms.

"I know. It's just as scary in L.A., I mean," you gulped, "crime is everywhere. Can't really stop it." You explained.

"It's not always crime that's scary, y/n. I'm talking unexplainable things." He smirks.

"Like paranormal?" You gaze away from him, starting to take pictures of the beach. But no matter how hard you try to distract yourself from Taehyung, your eyes keep falling on him.

"More than paranormal. Ghosts are easier to believe in."

You inhaled sharply. "I mean those are just legends, right? What's with the obsession in the Qui-Quileute Tribe?" You struggled pronouncing the word.

"It's not me. It's a tradition." There was a moment of silence before you could think of what to say again.

"Delete my pictures by the way." He scoffed.

"I thought you didn't notice."

"I was posing." 

You laugh at his joke, still certain you're never deleting any of his pictures, most definitely the one when he accidentally looked at the camera.

"You look sort of beautiful in the camera." Your lids flutter like a high school girl. “Not just in the camera, I mean… haha.”

He stares at you in confusion, and somehow you always find yourself frozen and embarrassed whenever he looks at you. "Sort of beautiful? You're more naive than I thought." He removes his jacket and throws it on the log nearby, revealing his buff body. You look away in discomfort, you didn't want to find yourself checking him out. "I'm not what you think I am. And I don't think you want to know."

"Maybe I do." You point the camera towards him and take a shot of his reaction. You wink.

The clouds hovering above the clamorous sea tell that there's probably rain coming, but it seems like the group wasn't bothered by it at all. You were sitting next to Taehyung two feet away from you on the logs nearby the fire that Seth had given up trying to help making after a couple of failed attempts. His heat never failed to linger around you though.

Sam was discussing the Quileute Legends and the group was very fascinated with the story, even though Taehyung had confirmed earlier that they've already heard the story too many times from their own families. Sam was good. He had a way in telling stories. You find yourself actually believing the legends. Werewolves and vampires? Shapeshifters and Children of the Moon? You weren't one to believe in such fantasies. You liked to watch historical movies more than fairytales, but with the way Sam elaborated every part of the legend, you can't deny the shiver that you felt when he discussed the cold ones.

Fast like lightning. Beautiful and alluring. Undead without a soul.

You thought it was ridiculous for Sam to even give out a warning about the cold ones. You were suppressing your laugh a little bit, and you were sure Leah already had her eyes on you. Why would Sam give out a warning about the cold ones? It's not like they were actually real. He also mentioned a treaty. And he sounded pretty serious about it too, even Taehyung was carefully listening. All of their eyes were on Sam, except for Leah.

Sam talked about a specific family of the cold ones, that they proposed a treaty. These cold ones are not allowed to hurt anybody from Forks, or else the mentioned werewolves are allowed to pose a fight with them. He talked about it like it was a plan.

It was afternoon and the clouds were still as thick as it was in the morning, but rays of sunlight shone through the gaps between the dark clouds. It looked ethereal, an aesthetic you'd only see in paintings. You thought those paintings are only manifestations of amplified emotions of the painter, but here you are, smiling to your camera as you take hundreds of shots.

"Save some memory for the other landscapes," Taehyung says beside you, throwing pebbles to the water, each bouncing impressively for three times.

"I know, I just can't get enough of this. You don't see that in L.A." You pointed your index finger towards the horizon of the sea.

"Yeah, but at least you can swim in LA. It's too cold out here to even go for a swim,” he emphasized.

"Not when you're around. It's weird, but I feel like you have a fever. You're too hot."

He raises his brows . "I know I'm hot," he chuckles.

"I didn't mean it like that,” you protest, though you know for a fact, Taehyung right. If he were to live in L.A., he'd be escorted many times by a modeling agency.

"So, I'm not hot?" You knew he was teasing and your embarrassment was obvious enough because of the blood rushing through your cheeks.

"You're attractive. I'm sure you know that." You roll your eyes, trying to keep everything casual — which is getting harder and harder every time he's around.

"No, I don't,” he teased. He was obviously getting pay back on you for taking candid shots of him earlier.

Your eyes landed on Sam and Emily play-fighting in the sea, just the sight of them being happy made you feel a bit of a heartache. You were a sucker for romance. The boys told you earlier that they were engaged for three months now. Leah was Sam's ex-girlfriend and Emily was Leah's ex-best friend. Finally putting the pieces together why Leah was one of the hardest to be with. She was extremely hurt and broken. She would rather shut the world out rather than let anybody in. She would rather be alone, than find anyone again who could possibly hurt her.

"Look," you poked Taehyung who was too busy throwing pebbles, "Sam and Emily are swimming. We should too!"

Though you were shivering, you bravely took off the mustard jacket that Taehyung had let you borrow. You were left with your thin brown tank top and denim shorts. He's still in his black shirt, unbothered to even take it off nor his jeans.

"What are you doing? Let's go." You tell him as you walk towards the sea.

This was a bad idea. It felt like ice was draping all over your body. How can Emily look like she's having fun when you're over here freezing just by stepping into the water? Half of your body was shivering from the wind, the lower half was for sure numb. You wanted to slap Taehyung for taking so long to get in with you, and you weren't even sure why you were so desperate for him to get in with you. It's not like he had a heater with him.

It took Taehyung a few more seconds before he started taking his shirt off, revealing his caramel skin, but it wasn't his color that caught your eyes, it was how built he is. His body looks like it was sculpted by the most talented and precise sculptor. It was defined, and shadows are doing magic in giving it silhouettes in the right areas. The best part about it was how shy he was taking off his clothes, like a teenager getting ready for his first swimming lesson.

He was for sure planning to swim today, revealing the gray trunks he’s wearing underneath his jeans. He needs a bigger one that fits him better, because the trunks he's wearing isn't doing him any justice.

Okay, no. Maybe it was justified by a subtle outline of his —

Don't even look down there, y/n, you tell yourself.

You didn't know where to focus. His thighs were just as eye-catching as his abs. Just as toned and thick. It would be such a material for thigh riding, you thought and you quickly shake your head at the idea. It has to be the waters that did this to you. Time has never been more relevant when he was walking towards your way, as he scoops water with his hands to wet his hair, while biting his bottom lip and giving you a small smile after.

"Freezing?" He smiles, eyes pierced on your small body. You were hugging yourself, embracing yourself from the fact that if you let go of your hands, you might touch something else.

"You were taking so long." 

He chuckles before holding your arm, taking it off your body. "Come on, dip your whole body." He pulls you softly towards the ocean, the sound of walking through water comforting your ears.

He was a foot away from you, the water level was on his chest and so was yours, but slightly higher. He looked even more godly. His hair pushed back, and to see his face in its entirety was a blessing, a gift.

None of you dared to talk, and you thought it was better that way. You just get to stare at him, as the sunlight lands itself upon his bronze eyes with specks of gold if you would close enough, majestic indeed to see something like that once in your life. You'd wish to wake up to that every morning.

There was this comfortable silence between the two of you. Drops of water fall under his eyelashes, fluttering them as he struggles to stare back at you. The moment was ruined when he suddenly smiled and looked towards Embry and Paul. Embry was sitting next to Paul, staring at the both of you while laughing. You shrug, feeling invaded.

"Why? What is it?" you asked Taehyung.

"They're thinking ridiculously."

 You furrow your forehead. "How do you know?" He tightens his hold around your arm as he keeps you steady near him, aware of you struggling to touch the floor.

"I just know," he softly plants circles on your arm with his thumb, "trust me."

"Maybe we shouldn't stand too close to each other then. I think they're making a big deal out of it." You didn't want to come off feisty, but you guessed it went that way for Taehyung as he moved away from you without letting you go.

"No, they're not. They're just teasing." When he said that, it was like he only said it to get near you, to assure you that it was okay to be close to him like that.

"Still cold?" he asked.

"Not so much anymore." You muttered. There were so many questions you wanted to ask Taehyung, but your voice isn't very trustworthy at the moment. You know it will betray you the moment you open your mouth.

"Penny for your thoughts? Why did you want to swim?" His voice was soft, calming as the ocean.

"I wanted to test how warm you can make me, even in freezing water."

He laughs breathily. "Seriously?"

You nod. He wanted to tell you a lot about himself, but like you, he was just as scared. Skinny dipping wasn't really your thing, especially in cold water, so after a few more moments of swimming and small talks with Taehyung, you let yourself dry by sitting next to the tent, keeping yourself busy by viewing all the pictures you took.

It was four in the afternoon, and the sun looked like it was already setting. Time was almost irrelevant at Forks, you wake up and the next thing you know, you're already getting ready for bed. Even though today was quite eventful, the clock still ticked quickly.

Feeling dry enough, you walked to the other side of the beach, Embry had mentioned that there was a cliff nearby along the woods. Though Taehyung was busy drying himself and laughing with the others, he glanced your way as you were heading towards the woods. You lifted your camera so he knew what your motive was, and he flashed a sly smile.

Trees. Cliffs. Birds.

The place could be a haven for the National Geographic Channel.

"I thought the pack wouldn't ever leave you alone like this." A deep voice spoke behind you, his english accent was thick and strong. You were sure that if you turn around, he’ll be ten feet away from you. You regret blinking your eyes, because the next thing you knew, he was right in front of you. His expression with so much thirst, so much hunger. For what?

You only inhaled sharply, first thing coming into your mind, confusion overpowering your nerves. You examined the man before you quickly. Olive skin, dark ruby eyes. His skin was inhumanly shiny, he almost looked dead, but in a mesmerizing type of way. He had dark purple circles, but his eyes were beautiful enough to distract you from it. He mirrored a cement under sunlight, he had fragments of diamonds and glitters on his skin. It wasn't your brain consuming you but his visual, his aura.

"Didn't bring your dog with you?" You weren't sure what he meant. He takes a step forward to lean into your ear, and your feet beg to stay, your eyes staring deeply in his beauty. You were too engaged, everything about him had you in place.

"You smell different from the others. Are you aware of that?" His breath touched your skin and there the exact opposite of heat seeping in your skin. “La tua cantante. I can hear your blood flowing through your veins. I can hear your heart. It's beautiful." He sniffs your neck as he hisses.

He wasn't human, and this time you were sure. He had danger lingering in his eyes, but it dressed so captivatingly beautiful, you found yourself lost.

"It won't hurt, I promise. It will be just a tiny bite, you won't even feel it."

There were words coming out of your mouth, you swore that. But nothing, your mouth still and close. It's sort of like he had power upon you, controlling and manipulating your body to be a mannequin. 

"Shh, don't fight it. You won't win over me." His teeth were grazing on your neck, seeking for a soft spot. You were unsure of his nature, what could he be?

An alien from this alien planet? An experiment gone wrong that escaped from a lab, perhaps? Maybe a demon, or an angel. A greek god of some kind?

They were all terrifying.

At the corner of your eye appeared a shirtless Taehyung, but he didn't look like himself. He was red, smoke flaring around his body. His chest expanded by time, and when you felt a small sensation of sharpness on your neck, Taehyung jumped towards the man.

No, it can't be.

This isn't Taehyung. Taehyung was gone. Maybe you were imagining things, but you felt all of them happening in front of you. As the man got distracted, your senses came back, falling on your side from losing balance. You pushed yourself away from the two monsters, as you would describe it. This wolf was huge, enormous. Any man who would try to fight it will easily lose. It stands almost seven foot, three bears wide.

Without trying, the creature had already decapitated the man. You weren't sure how to feel — safe or worried — but you were sure that you are mortified, and your face clearly expresses that.

You were only moving away from this huge thing in front of you, maybe that'll help you escape. But you don't even know if you wanted to escape. A part of you believes that Taehyung is inside that wolf, maybe eaten alive, or a spirit. 

So much for the wild coyotes, thanks for the heads up Sylvia.

Your eyes met his. Dark bronze eyes with specks of gold if you look close enough. You could almost see yourself in them, they were that kind. His eyes had a message for you, to approach him, to pet him, that it was okay and he will never hurt you. Before your hand could land on his lowered head, Sam and the others came running to help you, obviously seeing the wolf, but not even being bothered like you were.

"Y/n, are you alright?" Sam helps you stand on your feet.

Sam and the wolf had some kind of connection. Sam stared at it and the wolf left.

"So, wolves are normal here?" you spoke with a weak voice.

Sam opened his mouth and closed it again, thinking of how he can explain what just happened. You know that he knows something, and he was struggling to tell it.

"Where's Taehyung?" You scan their faces with no sign of Taehyung.

Holy shit! The wolf ate him! you thought. All you want to see right now is Taehyung. To prove himself. He can't be that wolf. The wolf must have eaten him. It is far too impossible for Quileute Legends to be real.

"We should get going before the other cold ones get here." Sam assists you to get back in the tents, completely ignoring your state of bewilderment.

Maybe it's a Forks thing to be mysterious and quiet. It irks you so much that none of them are even acknowledging what happened. This would be a great story for your mom.

Hey, Mom. Just wanted to call to tell you about how great my day was. So Taehyung, right? Aunt's neighbor, really hot guy I'd totally fuck, got eaten by a werewolf. But that's not too crazy, an incredibly beautiful medieval British man held me hostage, telling me he wanted to suck my blood. What a Forks thing! And everybody saw this huge tall wolf, I'm talking as big as a shelf kind of wolf, but they all acted like it was some puppy leaving the scene. Anyways, Mom, I'm traumatized. Going home in a week.

There is no way you can paraphrase that. No way you can make everything happening right now to sound normal at least one bit. This must be normal in Forks, but this is some Hollywood work in LA already. Things like these don't happen unless there was a shoot next door.

"Hey, you okay?" Leah approaches you. Her concern is seemingly genuine.

"I'm alive, guess I am okay. Where's Taehyung?" You don't bother to look at anyone at all, you drive your attention to the waves landing on the beach, hoping you could synchronize your breathing with them.

"Taehyung's fine. You don't have to worry about him."

"I saw him there. He was... he was red! Like he was burning! And... and there was smoke. Then I blinked, then there's a wolf. I swear it ate him!" Leah looked at you with wide eyes, but her lips were shaking trying to hide a smile.

"You're not taking me seriously! That wolf killed that guy! I don't know. He sounded British!" Leah bit her lip. "That was horrifying. I saw its head removed, there was no blood! What was that?" Leah inhaled sharply before looking at you with assurance.

"Can you calm down? The wolf you saw, don't you think it was described like the one in the legends?" Leah almost shouted, yet still controlling her laugh.

"Shapeshifters? Those are legends, Leah! The wolf ate Taehyung!" 

She chuckled. "No, they are real," she protested.

"The British man there was a cold one, a literal vampire. Taehyung didn't kill him, he was already dead."

No.

"Shut up, Leah. I know you hate me, but this is no time for jokes." 

She laughs harder. "You're right about me not liking you, but I'm not joking. That dark brown werewolf is Taehyung. One and only Taehyung. 20 year-old Taehyung who lives at the rez. That Taehyung."

'The world is darker than you think. It's not always safe.'

Taehyung had already given you clues from the start. But a word from Leah wouldn't be enough to stop your mind from going everywhere. You needed to hear this from Taehyung.

It was twilight already and the group had decided to spend the night in their cabin, instead of the beach. Sam explained that it was for your safety which until now he hasn't elaborated yet. Emily offered newly baked muffins, but it was too late before you could grab one when all the boys devoured around them. You gave Emily a smile.

"You can have the next batch." She shied away.

Emily looks like an average girl next door. She had fringes and medium length hair, they were very flat. Her skin was like the others, tan and healthy-looking. One thing you haven't examined deeply about her were her eyes. Embry had told you once that staring at Emily would bother Sam, and when you first saw her, you knew immediately why. She had a scar on one of her eyes, they looked painful. It looks like a cat scratch, only if that cat was a lion. It covered half of her face, but that didn't stop her from being lovely. She was still pretty in every way.

Taehyung arrives at the cabin, looking at everybody except you, his body resting on the door frame. He was heavy-breathing like he just finished a race. Sam came after him, giving him a small pat then walking towards Emily. Taehyung's eyes remain on the floor. His actions were complicated. You haven't figured him out yet.

"Y/N, Tae, maybe you can talk outside alone." Sam smirks at Taehyung, and Taehyung smiles back.

'This is no time to be smiling!'

Taehyung finally looks at you before leaving the door and you follow. But he still hasn't talked. And your rage is piling up inside you, you finally take a step forward.

"Care to explain what the hell happened there? I thought you were swallowed by that — that thing!" He gulps, stopping his tracks and turning around to see your face.

"I was scared," you muttered.

He totally understood why you were scared. Because he was just as scared and confused as you when he first discovered who he was, and just like you, he chose to deny it in every way he can, and he hoped that denial can make a change.

"You're not supposed to know about this. I didn't want to put you in this position — of knowing what truly there is." His eyes are sad, like he was a missing child.

The same day Taehyung figured out what he was, his eyes looked exactly the same; with fear, agony, and deprecation.

"So, you're a werewolf?" You felt his pupils dilate.

He looked at you in disbelief as if he hadn't given enough clues yet.

"Werewolf. Shapeshifter. Monster. Dog. Whatever you call it, it wasn’t my choice." His voice was weak, almost ashamed of what he had just said.

"And you kill —"

"Vampires." He finishes your sentence before you could assume. "Just vampires. The cold ones? Those that violate the treaty? They’re real." And so the legends were correct and real, and the evidence stands right in front of you, breathing and staring at you.

But no matter what angle you look at him, he wasn't a monster. He is not what he is described in the fairytales. He wasn't a merciless creature, not even harmful. He was just this young boy who lived near you.

"I get that you're afraid of me. Trust me, so am I."

"I'm not scared of you. If it weren't for you I would be bloodless by now." You bit your lip. "But I'm still a little overwhelmed." You gulped.

He had no words, but he was relieved. And you knew that when his eyes twinkled, the kind he gave you when you were jamming to the songs he had in his truck.

"If it's okay for you, I'm inviting you and Sylvia to my birthday tomorrow. It's just a small gathering."

"Will there be drinks?" you kid.

"Sam doesn't really want me taking any drinks for the meantime." He chuckles.

"Why not?"

"He said that I can't be on alcohol during my first six months of phasing. Why? Do you drink?" he innocently asks.

"Was just teasing." You playfully pushed him before proceeding to walk back in the cabin.

Before you even knew it, Taehyung was irrevocably infatuated with you. He wouldn't have thought that a college girl would give a small attention to someone younger than her, or even finding out about who he truly is and still staying by his side. He had spent so much time denying who he was, but maybe being a werewolf isn't so bad after all, if phasing is what it takes to protect you or anyone at all.

You were just like what he thought you would be — kindred spirits.

The party isn’t filled with loud chats and crowds, it is a gathering. Taehyung tried his best to always stand by your side to give you ease in enjoying such an unfamiliar place as Sylvia gets indulged in conversations with the others, completely forgetting you. Every minute though, he'd have to leave you alone on the couch but he'd return as soon as he can.

There weren't much talks between you and him either, only a couple of smiles exchanged whenever Embry and Quil do something embarrassing in front of the both of you.

It seemed as if the night was the longest night of your life, only occupied with listening to others’ stories and Taehyung sipping a punch from his red cup. He had asked a few questions to keep things interesting, but it was hard to keep the mood flowing. You had asked about his hobbies and all the boring stuff you could think of, and surprisingly he would reply with enthusiasm like he have always wanted to be asked those questions. This makes you more curious how his daily life goes, how many people does he actually talk to.

When the hand of the clock drops at ten, you were just patiently waiting for Sylvia to get on her feet and cut the conversation with the others but she seemed to have consumed more alcohol than she could tolerate and the next thing you knew she was laughing like a maniac. You were stuck in a loop circle of smiling so thinly to everyone you get eye contact with.

You distract yourself with admiring the intricate designs of Taehyung's small home, and the thought of a young Taehyung growing up in where you're sitting currently makes your heart jolt. It's uplifting seeing his pictures on the wall, but there was a difference between his smile before and his smile now. One can easily tell which was more true. You had no clue what it's like to be his kind, hell even now you still can't believe what he is. But it sure shows in the way he had changed judging from the innocent photos that hang on the wooden walls. You've never known him since then, yet you wanted to restore this angel-being beaming at the sight of a camera who now hates being in photos because he thinks he's some sort of a monster.

You wanted to ask him about the pictures, the one where he was wearing a towel with a headband, the one where he was framing his face. All of them speak some kind of connection with you, maybe it's your love for photography that makes you feel this way, but innocence is one of the hardest thing to lay your lenses on.

Then you finally got it. What your professor was talking about, drawing something intangible to your camera. This is what he meant. Your gallery is only filled with landscapes, mostly the aesthetic of architecture and nature. Taehyung is what you needed to change the mood of your photos, not the weather, not the dark ambience of Forks, but his story. If only there's a chance for you to grasp his mystery in a single picture, his adventurous smile in one flash.

A pang of pain in your forehead pulls you back into reality, and the lights that stood above you only made it worse. You needed to leave immediately before the pain has you grunting. Welcomed with a wrapping breeze, you brace yourself and regret wearing the dress Sylvia begged you to wear. She said it was her favorite when she was your age, a Prussian blue dress that stops before your knees with tulle around the hem and a lighter blue ribbon on the chest.

Of course Taehyung who sits beside you would notice your leaving, and before you can inhale the fresh air from the porch, he was already asking what's wrong.

"I don't feel so good. I think I'm gonna have to go home alone since Sylvia's still occupied," you said, pushing on your temples with your thumb and middle finger.

"I can drive you home. I don't think they'd notice that we left, they're all pretty wasted." He chuckles, complementing the high tones of the strong wind that travels past your bodies.

"I'm really sorry. I'm being rude, I mean this is your party... your birthday party and you're going to drive me home."

He places the sippy cup on a coffee table near the entrance, and he was palming his pocket to reach for his keys.

"It's fine, y/n. The party's been dead four hours ago and I can't send you home alone. Do you have the house key or should I go back inside and ask Sylvia for it?"

"She gave me a duplicate. I think it's best we go now. My head's really killing me."

It was unusual, headaches. They rarely come to you since you monitor your phone usage and water intake. You hate getting them because you hated taking meds for it, and you just hoped Sylvia would have a stock of it. Your fingers have been roaming your forehead for a while yet you can't seem to navigate where the pain is, where it's beating. It would be better if you could massage it along the ride but you were struggling to even keep your fingers raised.

Taehyung stops the car in the middle of somewhere as you are hitting your head continuously on the head rest. It was quiet, a deafening silence that rang your ears that brought you to open your eyes. Taehyung wasn't in his seat anymore, only fog filling for his place crawling under your skin.

There was your breathing, crickets, and rustles of trees that travel the air. You weren't sure how to react but one was definite, you were scared. The hand resting on your thigh turning white and wet, breathing faster and heavier as the air seems to be corrupted with toxic poison that does nothing but suffocate you.

Don't get out of the car, don't get out of the car, you chant internally hoping it will help your situation.

"Hello, dear," a slinky voice says through the window, almost similar to the man— vampire from yesterday. Could it be? Could there be more? "Don't make me wait, dear. Open the door and make this easy for the both of us, hm?"

It sounds the exact same as the accent the man had with an alluring tone that draws you to open the door. However, it wasn't just her tempting attempt into convincing you to endanger yourself, the pain in your head inflates as you try to control yourself.

"You want it hard, my dear?" She smirks, you weren't sure but you hear the spread of the corner of her lips.

Then she was in front of the headlights, filled with rage, her eyes dark and dangerous as she showed her predacious teeth. From here, you can feel the vibration of her anger as if she had the ability to let you feel all the harnessed emotions inside her. You can count them one by one: anger, vengeance, and the feeling you get before success. None of them were positive emotions, none of them was mercy. She came here to accomplish one thing.

Your death.

Finally understanding it, inside her browbeating eyes were agony and mourning. She was here to avenge the death of the vampire that Taehyung had killed. She was as beautiful, as seductive with her pale skin and ruby lips, curly strawberry blonde hair that flows until her shoulders.

You discovered that there was a split second of slow agonizing memory of your life before it's taken, and you wished there was none. She runs towards you, careless whether she bashes her head into the glass. She takes your neck, her fingers poking specifically at the sides and right before you can regain your breath your eyes open.

Gasping and catching air, awakening in the seat with Taehyung by your side who drives in silence as Midnight Rambler by The Rolling Stones plays from his rusty stereo.

So if you ever meet the midnight rambler

I'm coming down your marble hall

Well, he's pouncing like a proud black panther

Well, you can say I, I told you so

He sits there, unaware of the chaos that repeats in your head. It all felt so real, the grasp on your neck that locks your throat, you could've sworn you've given your last breath. The pain had stopped, replaced by dizziness that you knew would pass as minutes go by. 

"What's wrong?" he asked. "Is there something on my face?"

You shake your head. "I didn't know I was staring."

That's right. You didn't know you were staring. There was so much comfort in knowing he never left, the heat of his presence brings you a feeling of security. It's okay now. Taehyung's still here. By your side.

Once reaching home, Taehyung does his best to assist you as though you were ill. It's cute how he acts that way, so careful, so gentle. Upon reaching your room, Taehyung stops before your bedroom door, almost waiting for an invitation.

"I should get going now. I'll tell Sylvia you felt sick." And before he could say good bye, you're already wrapping yourself in the blankets as he passively makes a step away from your door.

"Taehyung," you said, reaching out. "Thank you for today."

He doesn't turn back. "You're welcome. Also, thank you for coming."

A shiver spreads across your back when your lids start to fall, and your body jolts upwards. The beautiful woman from the early nightmare visits your mind again, her face inches from yours close to ripping it apart.

"Taehyung," you whispered, but he heard you within the thin walls of the lonely house. "Can you... stay for a sec? I... I had a nightmare earlier... felt so real. C-can you?"

He walks back, eyes landing everywhere except your body that waits for him on the bed. Is she serious? he thought as you opened the blankets for a space behind you.

"Until you fall asleep?"

You nod. He kicks off his shoes and he positions himself behind you, both of your breaths synchronizing as he lies down softly. You bury your cheek into the pillow when you feel his warmth wrap the room, the security coming back. You turn your head to see him watching you inches away, his hand keeping his head up as he rests his cheek against it. You take his free hand that lies on his right side, pulling it to your stomach requesting for him to scoot closer until his body brushes your back.

You can stay like this, for longer than you can imagine. Just the sounds of your breaths and the hums of his loud thumping heart that makes its way to your upper back, the release of breath from his nostrils that flies over your hair. Peaceful. Safe and sound.

In his embrace, you forget everything: the packing for Los Angeles, the fear of not getting into any university, the supernatural that you had discovered that you still cannot comprehend, the clouding fear that something is coming to get you. In his arm, it's like they never existed. The worries are nothing but disappearing sea foams, a water in heat that evaporates into thin air.

You enclose the hold in Taehyung's hand above your stomach, intertwining them for ease. Falling back into his embrace, he subtly moves away hoping you wouldn't notice. His warmth turning into heat, breathing ragged, hold on you tighter and stronger. Then you feel it, a gentle thrust behind you and he pretends to adjust position. He pulls you closer with the hand on your stomach and you sigh which caused a poking at your butt.

You may not be the smartest person on earth, but it doesn't take a book to know what it was. Taehyung murmurs an apology, his words passing by your neck which sends your stomach into a spiral. You rub your thighs together hoping to dissipate the throbbing in your core, not now.

Not now that Taehyung's beside you. Or maybe it should be now that Taehyung's beside you, you were open for a helping hand. His hand over your head tucks a strand of your hair, the finger brushing on your temple made your aching much harder to ignore. There would be no distraction, no having to worry about who will hear the both of you, for God's sake the house was built in the middle of nowhere, so you thought 'Fuck it.'

You tug his hand to the middle of your chest, to rest them between your breasts as your head turns to face him. He gulps, looking at you intently with lust hovering over his hooded eyes. You lean towards him, your lips reaching his and he pulls away for a second before diving back in. He had pillowy lips, and if it weren't for your hot need at the moment you would let your lips sleep on them for a longer while, but as of right now there are a lot of tensions that need handling.

You leave his hand on your chest while he's still shy to grope one of your breasts. Your hand then wrapping the back of his head to pull him deeper into the kiss, he sighs. That sigh caused the aching to grow, shaking your behind to feel how needy he was and he sighs again. His hand that was on your chest now pushes below the curves of your breasts to pull you closer, to have more friction, to thrust into you.

Until he couldn't take it anymore, he wants you below him as much as you want him on top of you. He hovers above you, his knee swift in spreading your thighs open and he is bucking in a steady pace on your clothed entrance.

"Take me, Taehyung," you breathe the second he leaves your lips.

He takes it slow, burning your insides, as his fingers pull the bow on your chest, untying the effortless knot you had made in the mirror. Too slow to keep up with your throbbing heat, you trail his hand to open the loose front, exposing

your nude bra. His eyes are pinned on yours, and you would make quick glances at his moderate hand you're directing. You unclasp the front of your bra, and when he hears it setting on the bed, he kisses you as if asking if you were really sure. Beneath the feverish endless kiss were words of fear from him, what if he wasn't truly ready.

The last time he had experienced this was long ago, a time before he knew how dangerous he could be. Careless of what his hands could bring, when he hadn't given a single thought for any of his actions. Well, it was one time, only once with the first girl he had ever loved. And the first was always the quickest, but it was unforgettable, he had kept every detail of her daisy fresh skin remembered under his fingertips. The laughs they had shared in between, a significance of the innocence they were about to lose. His head loses in doubts, questions that can only be answered if he risks hurting you tonight.

Then you whisper, "It's okay, you're not going to hurt me." Because in your mind, that was the last thing in his abilities. You smile, "It's okay." Rubbing circles at the back of his trembling hand, his jaw clenches.

Once he had started kissing you again, you parted his lips with your tongue in which he had replied with a tender bite causing you to moan within your throat. This motivates him to grope your breast, aggressing as seconds pass by, pulling a nipple in between his fingers and you arch your back. You rest your feet on his back, synchronizing with the movement of his hips. You admire the way his head moves downward, stopping after every inch of your skin to place a soft kiss until he reaches your breasts to which he places a long stripe lick moving from one bud to another while his eyes remain on yours. He's going to be the death of you.

You pant, trying to reach his hips that came to a halt. His hands pushing the hem of your dress higher, stopping at the middle of your waist. And his evil slow hands, still taking his time, move behind your thighs to pull them away from his back and placing them on his shoulders as he gets comfortable right between them. With gaze pierced on yours, he flats his lips on your clothed slit, tracing the wet spot visible in your white underwear. The thought of you being almost naked underneath the dress ever since earlier brought Taehyung into insanity, he could've fucked you with his fingers on the couch, he could've removed them and left your pussy out in the open as he keeps it in his pocket, he could've done so many things if only he knew earlier how much you'd wanted him just the same.

You look at the empty ceiling, too affected by the darkness in his stare, you were scared you would cum too quickly if you remain watching. He pulls your garment upward to put his bare thumb against your clit, until you couldn't take it and you look down again to see him putting the said thumb in his mouth. Sweeter than the cranberry juice he'd been tolerating to drink, adding that to the list he could've done earlier while your panties were in his pocket; enjoying the sweet fervor of your cunt on his tongue. He plays at your clit, tongue curling to lap up the wetness that increases as his spit mixes in. He knows so well what he's doing, the fragile scoop of his bottom lip from your opening to your clit where he stops.

Everywhere around his lips glistens as the bright light from the hallway outside your room shines upon them. His hands still holding your thighs steady, he slips his tongue inside you which has you shaking and he had to adjust the control in his grip. Once they've settled, he puts his touch above your breasts, flicking both buds in each hand.

You were crumbling under him, desperate for release, grunting in a throaty voice as you tried to keep yourself together. Tears huddle in your eyes, blurring your vision until he stops, now smiling above you while he pulls your underwear away from your body. It doesn't take long for him to get naked and you take time to admire his build. His skin was made of honey, toned and reflective of the warmth he emits. His cock slapping his tummy before he could fully get out of his tight boxers, his tip reaching his button.

He returns to his position between your thighs but this time around he was the one to wrap your legs around his waist. His shaft falls between your slit and he makes subtle movements in burying himself between them.

"I just want to say," he began, "how amazing you are." A gravelly moan of your name escapes his lips as you take matters in your own hand, thumb going over the head of his cock while the rest of your fingers rest wraps his cock.

He thrusts into your hand. His face forming wrinkles, frustration painted across his face. Until he falls on both arms caging your head, bucking for more friction, enjoying the suppleness of your touch. He was groaning, panting, and making a mess of himself to which all echoes from one wall to another. You put a hand on his abdomen to break his movement. He obeys, feeling you part yourself for his cock, torturously slow in entering you.

You pull your hands to your sides, getting a hold of Taehyung's biceps. Opening your lids to watch his pupils dilate as he rams the rest of his length inside your beating entrance.

"Y/n," he groans, brow knotting together when you clench around him. He's going to fall apart, he thought. You wrap him tighter, letting go of yourself in ecstasy, careless whether you melt into the bed or break it, all is well as long as you're looking into his eyes.

He chants your name again and again in a symphony of continuous moaning, and all you could say is how good he sounds. A compilation of ah's and oh's whenever he reaches your spot, his head brushing against it and it felt like nothing but heaven. More, he wants more, if only he could fuck you endlessly he would. The bed hits the wall in coordination of his sharp thrusts, and he's losing himself in you he couldn't care less if he breaks the walls. In sync with the sounds he makes were your gasps and high-pitched whispers of his name that he can see himself in the near future thinking of them and fucking himself alone in his room as he recalls them.

"Tae— oh fuck, Taehyung," you cried out causing his cock to twitch inside you, you call out for more. His name and a couple of curses were the only words you could spew out. Trembling, you feel an explosion of euphoria inside you, letting go of the tight grip around Taehyung's arm.

With one last fluid thrust, he pulls himself out and spills himself on top of your stomach. Both of your breathing slows until they were no longer audible. He rolls to his back beside you waiting to cool down and you take care of yourself by wiping his cum away with the tissue from the nightstand.

"I'm sorry, I made a mess," he says, breaking silence.

You didn't reply, instead you lie on your side to face him and wrap his cock in your warm hand. His cock still hard and wet under your touch, he breathes out a long sigh. "I made a mess of you too."

He chuckles before placing one last kiss on your forehead, and you watch him fall into his dreams. You shut the door, thankful Sylvia didn't come home during the circumstances earlier. You make a note not to leave it open next time.

Next time? Were you actually hoping for a next time? It's not long until you're leaving. Forks is not your home. Your home is on the other side of the country, and everything you grew up with awaits there. Forks is not your home, you tell yourself. The night grows along with your need for sleep, falling onto Taehyung's chest and getting lost in a slumber. You wake to Sylvia opening the door, an indication of her coming home, and you fall asleep again.

The next time you wake up, the sun shining alight from the windows to your eyes, Taehyung was sitting at the end of the bed fully clothed. His head turns slightly, feeling the sense of your waking.

"Y/n, there's not just one who wants to kill you," he says but you couldn't make out a single word, "there's a whole coven of them."

a/n: happy new year! pls dont take the bella comment seriously. also team jacob ftw!!! also appreciate my banner work owo.this is my first descriptive smut like i actually write them having sex idk i hope yall like it tho :* i love y’all! 

[gallus-rising]

the timeline of Birds of a Feather as explained by a series of Crow’s most prominent and far reaching Incidents

Incident 0: the shapeshiting cat [NAME REDACTED] is in vulture form sailing across the desert fleeing a great famine. he spots Some Human Loser who is also fleeing... something but bc he ran out into the Fuckin Desert alone and w nothing he’s collapsed on the ground dying. [NAME REDACTED] heads down and tries to save That Guy by, like, dragging him to safety despite This Dude telling him to give up and leave him to die. [NAME REDACTED] doesn’t and both of them die of exhaustion. they wake up as immortals for Reasons and That Dude’s faith in humanity (and sentient life general ig) bc this tiny cat died trying to save him, a random stranger, and they become bffs

Incident 1:  [NAME REDACTED] got sent on a p bog standard political assassination and never came back. due to the fact he’d been expressing Unpopular Opinions for the past while it was assumed he’d either defected or just left. what actually happened was the whole thing was a trap to nab and incapacitate him and/or An Important Advisor Guy. since neither of them can die via starvation or dehydration it’s v efficient to just bind them and throw ‘em in a basement somewhere. [NAME REDACTED] spent around 50 years alone in a basement somewhere before he tricked someone into killing him. after respawning he made a a b-line straight to everyone who “abandoned” him. many lineages were ended in the process, sending multiple countries into succession crises and triggering a dark age

Incident 2: Electric Boogaloo: thousands of years have passed, technology has greatly advanced, ppl have figured out how to make large portal gates for easy travel! there was a lot of danger around them in the early days bc if one gate is destroyed the one on the other end will violently explode. dw tho safety regulations and such, no gates can be built in major metropolitan areas, you can’t built a “hub” of gates too close to each other so as not to trigger a chain reaction, they are highly profitable so more and more keep getting built. anyways they make travel super easy! so ofc ppl start making ones to difficult locations. big mountains, deep sea, the moon. Crow and the besties go to check out the soon to open moon gate, and what do you know! multiple of them immortal bitches also decided to check them out. TLDR: it’s not a good idea to get in big crazed magic battles near cutting edge tech, and the bigger they are the harder they fall

Incident 3: Revengeance: this one dude West gets out of that clusterfuck alive and w Crow in tow. he’s one of the many, many, ppl that want Crow Dead For Real This Time, so he’s been watching and studying and trying for centuries. see when Crow respawns he lies dormant until he hits his og death age of 16-ish months, and West’s working theory is that Crow doesn’t reincarnate so much as he “steals” the nearest and youngest cat body, and there’s got to be an range for that. his plan was to capture Crow and test this theory in the middle of fuckin Point Nemo or w/e, but now there’s obviously a bit of a hold on that. West makes it to a protected and fully locked down city and shoves Crow in a basement somewhere. West then politics himself into leadership positions, as he is wont to do, and starts exterminating all cats in the city. since no one’s getting in or out for who knows how long, and he’s pretty sure most life on the other side of the dome isn’t there anymore (spoiler; he’s wrong) it only takes a couple of decades to totally wipe out the cat population. he finally kills Crow and that’s that taken care of

Incident 4: New Beginnings: West tried to account for the fact that in a world where shapeshifting animals exist there could be human/cat hybrids. he did not account for how long that ancestry can go back while still having the person count as a “cat” for the purposes of Crow respawning. an infant Jack, the younger of a pair of twins (missed a bullet there Jade!) gets hijacked. but, like, he’s still there, and Crow’s gonna be dormant until his og death age of 16-ish months, which is now around 14-16 years in human time, so now Jack grows up w a weird kind-of-imaginary friend who Knows Things and has bad dreams all the time and (violently) protects him from mortal (this term is loosely defined) danger! and then one day Jack’s friend wakes up

[melloian]

Character Bio 13

Andre Bourgeois aka Mayor

Age: 50

Gender: M

Race: French Species:  Human Alignment: Neutral  Status: Alive, (later on: injured) Relatives: unnamed mother, unnamed father, Chloe (daughter) Occupation: Director (formerly), Mayor, owner of Le grand paris hotel Love interest:  Audrey (married)

Friends: Gabriel (formerly), Emilie, Adrien (currently) the man trying to find new friends 

Enemies: Villains

Personality: Manipulative, Cowardly, stubborn, Sensitive, Skeptical, can be nice in some terms.

Post-Gabriel incident personality: Emotional wreck (worse then redeemed chloe),  still coward, sensitive, skeptical, nice, Empathetic

Post-unknown Villain attack (in unknown season): confident, less emotional, protective, venturesome, nice, alert Bio: Andre is the mayor of France. He keeps charge of the country, though he does a bad job of doing that... He’s usually abuse his power just for his family. He sometimes manipulate his citizens for his own gain. He also very stubborn on others opinions however, is scared of own family so he just listens to their opinion. He sometimes check on his family in a meantime.

Post-Gabriel incident bio: He cries much more lately. He can be easily get upset and angered. He pretty much stressed out Even though he’s the mayor, he wants to stay away from his country so he can deal with his problems. But he cant do that. 

Post-unknown Villain attack bio: Before the attack, he finally calm down and apologize to everyone (he been wanted to do that after post Gabriel incident but he wasn’t in the correct mood.  he gotten this feeling after seeing Gabriel), especially his daughter. He promised her he is going be better person.

After the attack: He’s is no longer scared, he’s much more confident.  He willing to protect his own family and country, even if it risks his own life. He takes his job much seriously now, awhile still checking on his family. Because of this, he family sometimes just think he took his courageous little too far.  Backstory:

When he was kid, he used to dance to music in class. From there, he hated dancing because he embarrassed from doing it. Believe it or not, Andre used to be middle class. He didn’t have much but he enjoyed awhile he could. He knew how to cook, clean and etc. In the meantime, he go skateboarding. When he was a preteen, He was skateboarding one day and found a little boy (by hitting him by accident.)  The boy name was revealed to be Gabriel. He realized Gabriel never been out much before because of his parents. So he wanted to show him around and they became friends after that. Andre will usually get ladder and climb up to Gabriel so that they can go out together.

When they both became a teenager, they usually go to parties (Andre don't dance in them don't worry.) But one day, they went to a party. The party was a house party,. Andre and Gabriel went outside and chat there. Hours later, someone ended up shooting up the party. Everyone started to scream and started running. the shooter then goes to the backyard and noticed two boys. The shooter decided to point the gun at Gabriel. Gabriel was terrified.  As soon as the shooter pull the trigger, Andre jumped in front of Gabriel and got shot on the side. Andre started screaming and crying in pain which caused the shooter run. Andre yell at Gabriel to go nearby telephone pole and call the hospital. But Gabriel was so scared that he ran off instead. Andre thought Gabriel wasn’t really his friend because he did that.  He ended up passing out afterwards. He wake up in the hospital, found his mother angry. He attempted to tell her what happened but the mother yelled at him and took it as something else. He couldn’t reason with her. He developed becoming a coward because he feared to go to parties after that and talking back to his mother. After getting healed, he attempts to please his mother so she doesn’t get angry. This also how he ends up gaining the pleasing and manipulative tactic. 

In his young adult years, He met Gabriel again but he wasn't so happy to met him. Gabriel saw him and wanted to apologize about the past. Andre accepts his apology but was little skeptical about it.

At some point in his young adult years, he became a director as he always wanted. He made 2 films, only one being successful (the one with Emilie.) Even though he liked filming, he lost motivation overtime.  In his adult years, He decided he wanted to be mayor, his wife (Audrey) questioned if he’s sure about what’s he doing. He claims he does and moves on to be mayor. He claims he wants to protect the country.

As Malediktator

Altered personality: its the opposite of his personality. and all the bad traits are increased.

cause of akumanzation: He got upset because chloe and his wife wanted to leave him to go to new york.

Akumantized object: sash

Goal: he wants to control his own family awhile doing the same with the country.

Abilities: He can shoot circle like projectile at people and they’ll be under his control.

As Heart hunter 

I have already made a post for this so I really don't have to type but I still can show these:

cause of akumanzation: Him and his wife ended up in argument leading to them to think they need a divorce. Akumantized object: brooches

As Wraith

Altered personality: overprotective, strict, aggressive, ignorant Force chloe to be with him...

cause of Haunzation: Chloe didn’t want to be bother by him or see him ever again, causing him to become upset.

Hauntzation object: Sash

Goal: He wants the entire Paris to be gone just for him and chloe to only exist. 

He usually would target who chloe loves or friends with first. 

Abilities:  

He can extend his chain arm He can make extra chain arms He can create a portal

He can create a chained jail

When he floats, everything behind him turns black and pink.

Night vision

Not ability but awhile he hauntzatied, the entire France turns into nighttime.

Relationships (main ones)

Andre & Gabriel

Andre and Gabriel was childhood friends. They used to play together and hangout as kids. But because of that one incident, they wasn’t as close anymore. 

They met again as young adults, and decided to hangout but not as much as before. They introduced each other wives and etc. 

Andre pretty much considers Gabriel is only friend. He sometimes encourages his job though Gabriel never does the same. He’s usually happy to see him.

Spoilers

Post-Gabriel incident: After Hawkmoth/Gabriel was defeated, mayor found out he was hawkmoth. When he did, this completely broke him. He couldn’t look at Gabriel the same anymore. Not only he was upset, he is also mad at the fact he terrorize his country. But he was extremely mad at him for targeting him and his family. 

After that, mayor believes that everyone he ever talk to, he corrupts which is why he wanted to start distancing himself from people. But he knew he can’t, so he ends up putting up a fake smile. Andre & Chloe

Andre loves his daughter dearly, too the point he spoils her.  Every time his daughter is upset, he goes to fix it to make her happy again. However, he wish his daughter loved him back the same way. 

Depise all this, he dislikes his daughter's way and fears her. 

spoilers

Before and After post-villain attack:

Before the attack: After getting over his sadness, he decided to go apologize to Chloe about everything he’s done. He claims he going be better, which chloe liked. 

After the attack: Andre loves his daughter so much to the point he would protect her. He doesn’t want anyone hurting her. 

Andre & Audrey 

Andre loves Audrey but he kinda of annoyed by her. He dislikes her attitude and rudeness. Even though he dislikes that side of her, he’s more scared of her then his daughter. He definitely doesn’t want to see her angry. 

He dislikes how she treats their daughter.

Spoilers

After post-villain attack: Since he gained courage, he doesn’t tolerate her acting the way she does anymore. He yells at her when he sees her doing something he doesn’t like. He also told her to treat their daughter better.

Even though he could’ve divorce her, he still loves her somehow...

Full body:

Injured version:

Younger andre

Teen-Young adult andre

Other information:

In the days when Andre wasn’t a mayor, He used to dress fancy clothing because of his wife.

Andre hair used to grow very long. It stopped and started to fall out when he got older.

He will heal later on anyways here’s a chart ig

yes, I sat here and gave a literal mayor a backstory. am just that utterly ridiculous. 

and you might be thinking, why didn’t I just make him divorce his wife? because I don't want to gave them man more suffering then he already have.

[petri808]

@ktdkvalentines​ for Syd on Ig Valentines Exchange

Bakudeku College Au. TW: panic attack, anxiety, some angst w/happy ending based on the request.

Izuku Midoriya was in a great mood that Fall morning as he arrived at the college campus. His first day of his first year away from home, ready to start the next leg of his journey. He’d chosen this university for its good reviews and psychology program. He wanted to do something good in his life and what better way then helping others who’d suffered like he had. Not that he’d had a horrible life but growing up in a single parent household created some attachment issues and bullying when he was younger left him with anxieties. All through high school he’d worked extra hard to get to a point where he could function most of the time, and he was proud of how far he’d come. That growth is what led him to pursue a career in psychology, to take his negative experiences and turn them into a positive one.

So, he wasn’t ready when he walked into the dorm room and saw the familiar blonde hair and red eyes of his nightmares looking back at him. 

Oh, this couldn’t be happening! Izuku swallowed hard, a mantra of calming statements flooding his brain as a silent staring content ensued. Neither man said a word, but the longer this went on for, the voices in his mind slowed and were replaced with questions. He was starting to realize... did the blonde even remember him?! He couldn’t tell if it was confusion, or maybe pain on the man’s twisted features, but it certainly wasn’t the angry boy he’d grown up with.

“Wow, Izuku is that you?” The man spoke with no malice in his tone, even rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “Been a long time, huh?”

“Yeah... about 7 years I think.”

“H-How you been?”

“Okay, I guess. A bit surprised to see a familiar face.”

The blonde’s shoulders dropped slightly, and he averted his eyes to the ground, “probably not who you’d hoped to see again...”

“I didn’t say...”

“No, no, it’s okay.” The man waved his hands to stop him. “I— I owe you an apology Zuku. And I’m not looking for forgiveness cause I don’t deserve it, but I hope we can, I don’t know like start off fresh, I guess, since we’re stuck in this room together.”

Izuku blinked in confusion, what had happened to Katsuki Bakugou in these past 7 years?! He was certain it wasn’t all arouse, or that the man was trying to bring his guard down, because Katsuki sounded genuine. Until the age of 2 or 3 they were actually really close, but for some reason by the end of their first year of primary school, he’d started picking on Izuku, or taking out his anger on the smaller boy. He had no idea what triggered it, but in the end, he was left emotionally scarred. Now, the man standing before him exuded a broken version of that 3-year-old child he once knew.

“You’re right. I lost count of how many times I ran home in tears because of you. We were best friends and it really hurt when you started picking on me and being mean to me.” The pain evident in his voice rang out into the small, shared room. “I don’t care why you did it. But,” Izuku continued with a sigh, “you’re right, I don’t wanna rehash the past either, so if we can just start over and put up with being roommates, we’ll see how it goes.”

“I’d like that. A-and I know it might not mean much but am sorry Zuku— about how I’d treated you. I promise, I’m not that guy anymore.”

“I believe you.” And he did, for now. Deep down, Izuku always tried to stay positive because if he didn’t, and allowed the irrational thoughts to fester, it could pull him right back into an episode. He didn’t fully trust Katsuki yet, but if was serious about going into the counseling field, he also knew it was important to continue moving forward. That didn’t mean divulging all of his secrets, or telling Katsuki about his own struggles, but he’ll stay alert to make sure that at any sign the man was slipping, he’d get out of there.

As the first two months crept along, the roommates went about their own business with very little interactions at first. It was a bit weird to Izuku, to be in a shared room where their beds were literally just a few feet from one another’s, yet they were lucky to go beyond a good morning or hello. In comfortable situations, he was a bubbly person who genuinely enjoyed talking to people, so the stillness of their room was unnerving. Of course, this was better than feeling fearful around Katsuki, but how are they to move forward and maybe become friends again, if they weren’t interacting?

So, because they weren’t talking, Izuku did the next best thing and observed. One thing that had not changed about Katsuki, was being meticulous. The blondes side of the room was always neat and tidy, books or stationery on the desk stacked perfectly, clothes in the closet organized by color and type, even the bed was always made with crisp corners. Early to bed and early to rise, the man had a ritual of sorts. If he wasn’t studying at his desk, he’d be on his bed reading or listening to music. Even the way Katsuki ate was curious to Izuku, constantly wiping his hands or face of any residue. There were a few things the blonde requested of him, no scented candles or strong, smelling fish type meals, and to leave his side of the curtains closed, something about the sunlight bothering him. They were simple enough requests to acquiesce to.

The man rarely left the room except to go to class and as far as he could tell, Katsuki had only one other friend on the campus who’d occasionally drop by. A nice guy, very friendly named Eijiro Kirishima. Well, he assumed they were friends because most of the time, his roommate stayed quiet while Eijiro did the talking. Izuku was pretty sure he spoke to the man more then Katsuki during these visits. They seemed unlikely friends really, one happy-go-lucky, and one anti-social... kind of reminded him of their once friendship now that he thought about it.

Izuku could appreciate the idea of sticking to familiar surroundings. Their dorm room was a sanctuary for him as well. He avoided large, crowded areas as much as possible, and if he didn’t know anyone, did his best to be inconspicuous. But within their room, with just the two of them, it should be a comfortable experience. Before coming to the school, he’d wondered what his roommate would be like or imagined making friends, so it was a little disappointing. By the third month it was a close friend of Izuku’s that suggested he make the first move to engage Katsuki in conversations. Start out simple, maybe learn any hobbies, what music he listened to, his major, etc. Forget the fact he knew the man and pretend as if he’s trying to make a new friend. Ugh, he hated making the first move. Izuku preferred being engaged not initiating it because it drove his anxieties up. But they were right. ‘Think of it like practice,’ Izuku reasoned with himself, ‘pulling a difficult client out of their shell.’

It was a lazy Sunday around midterms when Izuku decided to make a move. As he sat rested on his bed similarly to Katsuki, with his back against the wall and a textbook propped on his legs. Every few seconds, he glanced over the book’s edge, side-eyeing the blonde who was also nose deep into a chemistry textbook. Should he say something? But the man looked preoccupied, and Chemistry is a difficult subject. Maybe he shouldn’t bother Katsuki? He didn’t want to be annoying or anything and it wasn’t important really. Then again, the guy was always preoccupied with something or other and if he waited for a perfect moment, what if it never came? Would he wait forever? No, this was as good a time as ever.

Izuku lowered his book. “H-How’s the studying going Kacchan?”

The blonde turned to look at him briefly. “Fine.” Then returned to his reading.

“Oh, that’s good.”

Ugh! It was always so hard to get a read on Katsuki! His affect and tone were flat, no anger, amusement, nothing, just his common one worded response. It was rare for the blonde to give or maintain eye contact, so at least the man looked at him this time.

He tried another question. “I noticed your chemistry book, is that your major?”

“Yup.”

“Um, what do you do with a chemistry degree?” Izuku asked genuinely.

This time Katsuki surprised Izuku when he stopped and put his book down before engaging. “I’m fascinated by the chemical reactions of fire and combustion. How it works, why it occurs, how it can be manipulated, stuff like that. And I don’t know, I could be a scientist, or maybe do pyrotechnics, just work somewhere I don’t have to talk to too many people.”

“Wow! I mean I was never good at math and stuff to understand, but it sounds pretty interesting.”

“I guess so. What’s with the questions all of a sudden?”

“W-Well,” Izuku shifted his body to face the man completely, “we’re roommates. I don’t expect us to be full-on friends, but I figured it would be nice to talk sometimes.” Katsuki’s silent reply of nothing forced him to make a decision to continue talking, because he assumed if the man wasn’t interested, he would have turned away. Silence wasn’t exactly a normal response, but maybe the blonde really wasn’t sure what to say next. “I don’t expect you tell me super personal stuff— just small talk. Like, um, what kind of music do you like?”

“Alternative.”

Izuku’s eyes flashed with surprise at such a quick response. Okay, so Katsuki was fine with answering. “I like that too! Well, some,” he giggled. “Though I mostly listen to pop now. What about movies?”

“Horror films.”

“Oof,” Izuku cringed. “I can’t handle those they scare me too much!”

“I remember. It gave you nightmares.”

Bouncing on the bed, Izuku’s legs moved to hang over the edge in his excitement. He was really surprised in a good way that Katsuki remembered something so mundane about him. “Wow! You still remember that?! Yeah,” he laughed, “I’ll stick to sci-fi or action. Plus, I’m not fond of theaters anyways so, I just watch stuff on my laptop.”

“Why not? You used to be the outgoing one.”

That made Izuku flinch because he wasn’t ready to tread into that territory with his former bully. “Oh, you know, it’s always crowded, and you have to deal with parent-less kids causing a racket in the place. I rather just enjoy my movie without all that.”

“Makes sense. I don’t care to go to places like that either.”

“Yeah, I noticed that— is there anything you do like or hobbies maybe?”

“Just exercising in the early morning, by myself, except since Eijiro inserted himself, I tolerate him.”

So, that confirmed what he’d already suspected. Katsuki kept his body in really great shape and that hadn’t gone unnoticed by Izuku. But since he wasn’t much of a morning person, he didn’t notice what time Katsuki left the dorm, only the man’s return, showered and refreshed. Needless to say, the blonde male with wet hair was nice to look at and smelled good too. “Oh,” his face heated up at the thought of it, but he needed to play dumb. “So, that’s what you do in the mornings. I wondered about that.”

Things between the roommates settle into a comfortable routine. As another month passes by, Izuku still needed to start the conversation, but at least Katsuki would respond amicably or engaged with him, and to his delight with the help of Eijiro, they’d even managed to get the man to go out to dinner once. Those years of dread and angst were melting away, and soon enough Izuku looked forward to spending time with his old friend.

He still couldn’t get a full read on Katsuki’s demeanor. The man’s emotionless responses made it difficult to tell whether or not he was even enjoying anything. So, Izuku could only assume that by participating, he didn’t mind. The old Katsuki would say whatever he was thinking, good or bad, and while he got the sense that he would do so as needed, such as letting him know about the scent issue, it would be really nice if it didn’t feel like a guessing game all the time. Regardless, the progress they were making to rekindle any sort of relationship was a win in Izuku’s mind.

“Here.”

Izuku looked up from his desk to see a plastic shopping bag held in Katsuki’s hand. “What’s this?” He took it tentatively.

“I saw it at the store. You still into this stuff?”

He opened the bag and pulled out the latest action figure of his favorite comic book character. It was a figurine he’d been saving up his spare money to buy. “Kacchan,” Izuku looked back up curiously at the man. “Is this for me? How’d you know?”

Katsuki just shrugged. “Just remembered you were obsessed with the guy.”

“Thank you, really, but I can’t except this gift, it’s not even my birthday.”

“Just take it. Think of it as an I’m sorry gift if it makes you feel better.”

As Izuku sat there stunned, the blonde simply went back to his bed without another word and picked up a book as if nothing significant had just occurred.

“T-Thank you, Kacchan.”

“Yeah, no prob.”

His face heated up and a smile took over as he stared at the action figure for a few seconds before staging it prominently on his bedside table. Izuku had left all of his collectibles at home, so it was nice to have something in their room. But even more important, was again, Katsuki remembered something about Izuku from their childhood and took the time to get this gift. Despite their long rocky history, this small act meant the world to him. It was the first true moment to make Izuku think, maybe they really could be like they once were.

Finals were approaching in barely two more weeks, and some students were already stressing out. The anxiety in the air felt palpable to Izuku. He could feel it practically oozing off the other students. Of course, everyone dealt with stress in different ways. Some went inwards, the pressure fueling them to work harder while other’s went the completely opposite route of goofing off and procrastinating. Other’s might stress eat, binge caffeine drinks, and friends banded together in study groups. But then there are the ones who took out their frustrations and stress on others.

Bullies. The bane of Izuku’s existence.

Most of the time, he could easily avoid their type around campus. He’d developed a sixth sense for such individuals which his therapist explained as a heightened sense of energy levels. It’s really not as mystical as it sounds, rather that, those like him that suffer from a high level of anxiety, are sensitive to other people’s emotional outputs. Being bullied or harassed himself certainly sent his anxiety’s skyrocketing but seeing it could also trigger a problem depending on the severity.

Hence his current predicament...

It was the end of the day for Izuku and he was ready to just get back to his dorm, eat something, and dive into his studies. One of his teachers had released the finals study guide early, so he thought it best to get a head start. But as he made his way past the row of dorm buildings, Izuku spotted something that sent a cold chill down his spine. Three men cornering a fourth. They were at least 50 yards away and he couldn’t hear everything they were yelling. Something about a group project, pulling weight— One man had grabbed the victims shirt and was semi-lifting him up while the other two men just watched and egged him on.

Oh, this was not good! Izuku’s memories started to replay and his experiences were brought back to the forefront. The men’s faces were so close... he could almost feel the hot breath wafting over, spit hitting his face, or the smell of the bullies breath. It made him sick to his stomach. Izuku’s heart raced, his throat began to close up, and breathing grew erratic. He needed to get out of there! The red piercing eyes of his nightmares took center stage in his mind’s eye... all those times he was harassed and battered by Katsuki rushing back like a wave to toss him against a wall of sandy hair.

‘Deep breaths, deep breaths, deep breaths!’ Izuku screamed in his head, ‘calm down, calm down, get back to my room! It’s not you, it’s not you... it’s not him! It’s not him!!’

Izuku picked up the pace, a fast walk over a running sprint to avoid being noticed. The last thing he needed was to draw attention to himself and risk becoming the new target. He dug his nails hard into his arm to force his mind towards a physical distraction, but it wasn’t working.

A deep voice screamed, cursing at the top of its lungs, and filling Izuku’s mind, just like that long ago day. The worst attack, the one that finally pushed his mother to move him to a different school. All the fear coursing through his veins rush back, heart pounding against his rib cage. Katsuki had grabbed him, hand fisted into his shirt as he pushed Izuku up a wall and off his feet. He could still feel the cold stone wall behind him juxtaposed to the pain from his hot throbbing lip and swollen cheek where he’d been struck.

He burst through the dorm room door, stumbling, spilling his bag onto the floor as he fell to his knees, gasping for air because his jaw felt locked up and he couldn’t get enough air. All of his muscles were tensing up, imagined or not, it felt like he was suffocating. His body was shaking, sweating— he wanted to puke.

“Whoa, Zuku, what’s wrong?!”

Katsuki had rushed over and dropped to the floor, grabbing Izuku by the shoulders to hold him up and steady. But he couldn’t answer the man in words. Tears were streaming down his face as he did his best to focus and answer the man, but it was tough, fighting against the rapid assault of images in his mind and cursing blaring in his eardrums.

“Fuck, um, allergic reaction?!”

Izuku shook his head violently, no.

“Choking?!”

Again, Izuku shook his head violently, no.

“Panic attack?!”

Izuku now adamantly shook his head, yes!

“Okay, okay, shit, panic attacks, um, it’s been awhile, what do I— oh, right, okay, okay, d-don’t move!” Katsuki stumbled back to his feet and ran out of the room, coming back within a minute with a cup of ice cubes from the common kitchen. He takes one, two, three, shoving it into Izuku’s mouth. It took a bit of effort to get the man’s jaw to open wide enough to shove it in. “Close your mouth all the way, try to get the ice to touch the roof of your mouth.”

Seconds after the ice touched, it sent a brain freeze from hell shooting through Izuku’s pain receptors. “Ahhh!” He spat out all the melting cubes as his hands fly up to his head, cradling, squeezing to counter against the physical pain, “cold! Cold! Cold!”

At that statement, Katsuki slumped back onto his haunches in relief. “Oh good, it worked.” He then took Izuku’s hands with an even soft tone. “Look at me.” Once the man complied, he continued. “Focus on your breathing, inhale when I say to, exhale when I say to.”

Izuku struggled against the embers of irrational thoughts coupled with the brain freeze coming down. His breathing stayed haggard, jagged as he fought his own mind to follow Katsuki’s instructions. But every time he’d start to struggle, the man would refocus him back to the breathing by pressing his thumb nail into the webbing of Izuku’s hand. Not very hard, but enough of a sting to bring back his focus on the physical. It took about 15 minutes until he could breathe in time with Katsuki’s words.

Be it the overwhelming sense of release or sheer exhaustion, Izuku collapsed on to Katsuki’s chest. His panicked breathing whittled down to silent sobbing. The blonde didn’t move or flinch and held the man up, simply keeping his arms around his back without a word. Minutes dragged by as the tears finally slowed.

“Thank you, Kacchan,” Izuku breathed out. “How’d you know what to do?”

“Let’s just say, I’ve had my share.”

Izuku sat back, rubbing away the moisture drying on his cheeks as he looked at his roommate with new eyes. “You? W-When? I-I mean if you don’t wanna say, it’s fine, I’ll understand. We probably both have a lot a secrets.”

Katsuki thought for a moment. “If I tell you what happened, you gotta come clean too.”

He hadn’t expected that, but after what had just occurred, perhaps it was time. “Okay,” Izuku nods.

“In middle school I was sent to a therapist because of my anger issues and diagnosed as a high functioning autistic. Frankly, I don’t know how much to believe in that, but in the end, the therapist was a good thing.” Katsuki leaned back against a desk leg. “The short answer, I learned the reason I’d started bullying you was because I was getting frustrated with myself which lead to anger, and I wrongly took it out on the closest person to me.”

“Why were you frustrated? I thought we were fine...”

“It had nothing to do with you. It was me and I don’t know, I just started feeling different, I didn’t like being around people, didn’t understand or even care about anyone because I couldn’t figure out how to fit in. Yet I’d watch you make friends so effortlessly and I got mad. There’s a lot more to it, even blamed my mom for some of it, but I just didn’t know how else to get it out except through anger. It took a few years to learn to control myself. That’s one of the reasons I got into exercising. If I start feeling frustrated, I can take it out that way now, burn off the excess energy I guess.”

Izuku was a little taken aback at the idea Katsuki’s been diagnosed on the autism spectrum. The man didn’t seem like he had a mental disorder, but the clues were there. The aversion to certain stimulus, social apathy, his fixations on certain elements. “Wow... I had no idea. It doesn’t excuse what you did, but I’m glad you’ve come this far.”

“So, what about you?”

“I don’t think it was just the bullying that started it all. After my dad left us, I was already vulnerable, it’s why I latched onto you so quickly. So, when you started— I-I felt extremely hurt. You were my first friend, my best friend Kacchan and when you started hurting me... I don’t know what was worse, the physical pain or the mental ones. By the time I moved schools, I’d developed anxiety and depression, and it got so bad my mom finally took me to a therapist where I worked all through high school to get it under control. I do really good now, but sometimes things trigger me.” More tears resurface to cloud Izuku’s eyes, but he kept them from spilling. “Today, on my way here, I-I saw a guy being harassed and it brought it all back again. Nothing was working, so I just thought if I could just get to safety, a-and I don’t know, I figured I could get it under control once I was alone. But I’m glad you were here, because I don’t think I could have. You really, saved me today Kacchan.”

“It doesn’t make up for anything. I’m the asshole who made you like this.”

He snorted a laugh, “that’s for sure, but the cause became the cure.”

“What?”

“You caused this, but today you cured it. That means a lot to me because I do want to forgive you.”

“No. I don’t deserve a second chance. I’m content that we’re at least on speaking terms again and I could make amends somehow.”

“Kacchan, everyone deserves a second chance.” Izuku’s smile returned. “We were kids. You didn’t know better. And you’ve changed, that’s the important thing. I think we’ve both changed.”

“How?”

“Well, it’s those experiences that helped me to find a new passion in life to help others— people like us who are struggling with something. Turn a negative into a positive.”

“How the hell do you do that? You just had a panic attack and you’re already sunny smiles again. I mean you were always like this, and it’s me, I just don’t get emotions, but if you wanna forgive me, I guess I can’t stop you.”

Izuku shrugged. “Nope you, can’t,” he smiled wider. “Right now, this is probably the happiest I’ve felt in a very long time.” He stood up and extended a hand, helping Katsuki to his feet. “Dinner, my treat.”

“I don’t feel like going out.”

“I know,” Izuku smiled. “I’ll order in.”

[gaylotusthatexists]

Sacary Village (1)

pairings: all platonic rn, but eventual romantic moceit

summary: After arriving in a new village to live with their supposed ‘uncle’ Janus, Virgil and Logan meet the Prince family, and find something weird deep in the forest.

trigger warnings: death mention, sympathetic janus and remus, please let me know if i need to add anything else

word count: 5794

taglist: @boopiskoop

a/n: hey!!!!! i. have been watching gravity falls recently and i blame that entirely for this fic. i’m also really fucking excited about this au, i have so many plans for this, and aaa. mostly i just wanted to write some momceit but the idea has somehow evolved into. this. this will have a sort of storyline, although will probably be more of a collection of related one shots. (by which i mean there will be an overarching story, but each ‘chapter’ will be it’s own sort of episode dealing with a different topic (or monster ig) and some may not be connected to the story at all). due to that, i’m totally down for y’all to send requests for scenarios you’d like to see in this au, although probably won’t get round to them until i get everything set up properly (i do, of course, already have things in mind). anyway, i’m very very excited about all of this, so i hope y’all enjoy!!!

ao3

the cave in the forest

Virgil fiddled with his sleeves as he stared out the window, watching the countryside zoom past, trees all blurring into one as the sun set over the fields. He found himself playing with the zip on his sleeve, moving it up and down at an increasingly faster pace, completely ignoring the annoyed glares from his brother.

"Could you stop that?" Logan finally let out, trying to keep his voice at a whisper but failing.

Virgil just glared at him and zipped and unzipped harder.

With an heavy sigh, Logan leant his head back against the car seat and scrunched his eyes shut. Virgil's gaze fell to his knees and he let go of his sleeve, moving his fingers instead to the rips in his jeans, beginning to fiddle with the bits of string half-falling-off the fabric. These jeans had already been ripped when he brought them, of course, but they'd gotten worse as he constantly found himself pulling at the threads. It wasn't terrible, though, he supposed.

The car halted to a stop, causing Virgil to jerk forward. He looked up, noticing that they'd just stopped at a red light. Oh. Well, that was boring. He looked over at Logan, who still had his eyes closed, but Virgil could tell he wasn't asleep. No, he was just listening, waiting to see if this was the right moment.

It wasn't. They weren't there just yet, although they did seem to be a little closer to civilisation. The fields and trees had been replaced by little, family-owned shops and street lamps. Not many cars lined the streets, but there were a few people wandering around, adults just arriving home or teenagers lurking in the doorways of shops. This was where he and Logan would be staying for the next, what, two, three weeks? Their record so far had been a month, although they hadn't really had much time doing this whole thing. And this guy was supposedly 'family' - an uncle, or something, by the sounds of it - so maybe it would be a little different than the random couples they'd been passed around, people who couldn't deal with the fact that neither he nor Logan were perfect.

Glancing over at Logan again, Virgil noticed his older brother had now opened his eyes, and was looking out the window, scanning the area. He didn't look... all too pleased about this new development, but then again, Logan never was. It wasn't as if the two of them had much of a choice, anyway. They'd be out of here before they knew it.

The car left the main town area and drove a little through the countryside again, before turning into a smaller street, a few cottages lining the cobbled road. They stopped outside one cottage and climbed out the car, Virgil swinging his backpack over his shoulder and Logan dragging out a small suitcase. They stood for a moment just outside the wooden gate, swinging a little in the wind, and stared at the house, built of white brick and with ivy growing up the walls.

After Logan had a brief exchange with their driver, the car drove away, and Virgil and Logan were left alone on the street. The windows were dark, with no clear sign of human life within the house. Virgil looked up and down the street and saw no one else, but did hear talking coming from the garden of the house opposite their uncle's. He hummed, turning to Logan.

"We could just run," he suggested. "Like, our driver's gone, there's nothing stopping us from escaping right this second."

Logan sighed. "Virgil, do you want to die of starvation and/or murder in the middle of nowhere?"

Virgil took a moment to think of a response that was both true and also wouldn't concern Logan, who was already stressed out enough with the constant moving and the... everything. Eventually, Virgil replied, "Well, when you put it that way it sounds bad, but I do kinda see the appeal," which didn't particularly ease any of Logan's concerns.

"It won't be that bad here," Logan said, although he didn't sound too certain. "This guy's meant to be our uncle. Can't be that bad if he's family, right?"

Virgil rolled his eyes. "Yeah, our 'uncle' that we've never heard about before." He turned around and leant on the brick fence, looking over at the nearly identical house across the street. "Like, you'd think our parents would have mentioned him once."

"Maybe they did and we just didn't remember," Logan said, opening the gate and stepping into the front garden.

"I didn't even know we had an uncle," Virgil said. He twisted around to face Logan and frowned. "What are you doing?"

Logan paused, his hand hovering in mid air. "My plan was to knock on the door. Then introduce myself to our uncle."

"What about our running away plan?"

"You mean your running away plan that I never agreed to."

"What, so now I'm meant to just go along with your 'introducing ourselves' plan that I never agreed to?"

"Yes," Logan said, "you are."

Virgil groaned, but didn't argue anymore, instead turning back to face the houses on the other side of the street. The voices from the garden had stopped, but he could now see silhouettes of people instead - specifically, a man standing in the window, seemingly looking down at the two of them. He gulped and looked away, hoping that maybe he'd just been imagining things. If someone was watching them it probably wasn't anything malicious, but Virgil couldn't shake the thought away.

Logan hummed, turning back to Virgil. "Doesn't seem like anyone's in."

Virgil's head shot around. "What do you mean?"

"No one's answering the door," Logan said. "And, y'know, just looking through the window the house looks empty."

Virgil was silent for a moment, before a grin spread across his face. "Sweet!" He moved away from the wall, turning his full body around to face Logan. "Guess that means we're going with my running away plan-"

"No, Virgil, that- we're not doing that."

Virgil pouted.

"I'm going to check around the back," Logan decided, moving away from the door and heading down a passageway on the side of the house.

Virgil watched him disappear around the corner, then returned to the wall, pushing himself up to sit on it. Across the road, he noticed the door on the other house open, and a man step around, making his way towards Virgil. He was shorter than Virgil, which for a moment Virgil was quite proud of, and had a round, kind face, with dark skin and curled hair, dyed a pastel pink. He looked to be in his twenties, although his fashion choices depicted him as more of a child, with a blue t-shirt under denim overalls, as well as round glasses sitting on his nose. Virgil wasn't entirely sure what to make of him, as he stepped closer.

"Hey, uh..." He clicked his fingers and scrunched up his face, trying to remember something. "Logan, is it? I think Janus mentioned a Logan..."

Virgil shook his head. "Nope, not Logan."

"Oh." The man hummed, looking up and down the street. "So, uh, are you lost, or something?"

Virgil shrugged. "Nah, not really. Planning on doing some vandalism, maybe. Who is it that lives here?"

The man blinked, noticeably stepping back. "Uh, Janus," he said. "We're good friends. I thought he said something about having family coming over, but, uh, if you're not them then-"

Logan re-emerged from behind the house. "Who's this?" he asked, glancing suspiciously at the man.

"Oh!" The man smiled and turned to Logan, holding out a hand which Logan politely took to shake. "I'm Patton, I live across the road. I was just, uh, wondering if you kiddos needed any help, or anything."

"Perhaps we do," Logan muttered.

Virgil rolled his eyes and turned around, lifting up his headphones to his ears. He didn't play any music, instead continuing to listen to the conversation, but didn't feel like doing anymore human interaction.

"I'm Logan," Logan introduced. "This is my brother, Virgil. Whatever he said to you, it probably isn't true."

Virgil turned around and stuck his tongue out to Logan, stupidly signifying that he was listening to the conversation. Thankfully, Patton had his back turned, and so clearly hadn't seen.

"Oh, of course, Janus did also mention a Virgil," Patton said. "So you two are his... nephews? Cousins?" He paused. "Sons?"

"Nephews, apparently," Logan confirmed. "Although we have yet to actually met him in person. Would you happen to know where he is?"

Patton hummed. "He's probably in the town somewhere. I can go look for him."

Virgil jumped down from the wall, taking off his headphones and approaching Patton. "Not gonna lie, I don't know if I actually want to meet him," he said, causing Patton to jump and spin around to face him. "I mean, he's not here for our arrival, so he clearly doesn't give a shit about us, y'know?"

"Virgil-"

"What?"

Logan sighed. "Chances are, he just didn't realise what time we were coming." He turned back to Patton. "Could you help, please? Unlike my brother here, I don't particularly want to die in the wilderness."

"I never said I wanted to die in the wilderness-"

"You can hang out in my house for a bit, if you'd like," Patton offered, stepped away and beginning to move to the other side of the road. "The twins can help you get settled whilst I go search for Janus."

Logan and Virgil exchanged a glance, before Logan began to follow Patton. Alarmed, Virgil grabbed Logan's arm and pulled him back, moving back around the house until they were out of ear-shot of Patton. He let go of Logan's wrist, who proceeded to rub the spot where Virgil had grabbed him.

"Are you sure about this?" Virgil asked, a twinge of worry in his voice.

Logan nodded. "Yes, Virgil. Patton seems like a nice enough guy. I mean, what do we have to lose?"

"I don't know." He began to fiddle with his zip again. "What if he's kidnapping us?"

"Virgil, look at him." Virgil glanced over Logan's shoulder, noticing that Patton still had a wide, happy smile on his face. "I'm fairly certain he isn't trying to kidnap us."

Virgil closed his eyes and breathed in. "Okay. Fine. But if we get murdered, it's your fault." He pushed past Logan and returned to Patton, who quickly let him into his house.

"There's some food in the kitchen if your hungry," Patton said, leading them into the front room. "I'd advise against cooking anything, but if you want something heating up feel free to use the microwave. Should be enough stuff to make sandwiches, though. And, of course, feel free to have any drink you want. Uh... the twins are upstairs if you need any help with anything, although you both look like very capable young boys. I'll- I'll try to be as quick as possible, but make yourself at home." He smiled, and then darted out the house.

After a few moments of staring at the door, Virgil sighed and flopped down into the sofa, taking his phone out his pocket and beginning to mindlessly play a game. Logan seemed a little more hesitant to 'make himself at home', instead just standing in the middle of the room, staring out the window.

"Y'know, I really don't like this Janus guy," Virgil finally said, to which Logan looked at him for a moment and then sat down besides him. Virgil took off his shoes and pulled his legs up onto the sofa, sitting cross-legged. "I mean, we show up and he isn't even here, we've never actually met him before in our life, he's apparently friends with this weirdo-"

"I'm sure everything will be fine," Logan said, which didn't really make Virgil feel any better. "Based on our track record, we probably won't be here much longer anyway."

"Yeah, true." Virgil let his phone fall down into his lap, before he looked around the room. It was tidy, too tidy, with a white, fuzzy rug in the middle of the wooden floor, pure white sofas, and walls painted a pale blue. On the fireplace, Virgil noticed a few photos, one of Patton and two of people he didn't recognise, but who looked pretty similar to Patton - perhaps those were the 'twins' he had mentioned.

As if one cue, a person came running down the stairs and into the living room, frowning upon spotting the two brothers. He looked very much like a younger version of Patton, but with a leaner build and well-kept dark brown hair, and no glasses. He wore fairly casual clothes, just blue jeans and a white shirt, under a red jacket with the trans pride flag containing the words 'he/him' attached. From the looks of it, he seemed to be older than Virgil - fifteen, if Virgil was to make a guess.

"Who are you?" he asked, stepping into the living room and folding his arms.

Logan stood up and held out a hand. "Logan Sanders. And my brother, Virgil. We've just moved here."

The guy stared at Logan's hand for a moment, but didn't shake it. "Why are you in our house?"

"Patton - uh, your father, I'm assuming? - let us in," Logan explained. "We're supposed to be staying with our Uncle Janus across the road, but he isn't home right now."

"Oh." He turned around, stepping back towards the stairs. "Remus!"

Another boy came stumbling down the stairs, looking vaguely annoyed but grinning wildly upon seeing Logan and Virgil. He looked very similar to the guy, although with much messier hair, longer and dyed green at the ends, and a few strands of a moustache. He wore a simple green tank top and black shorts, and Virgil wondered for a moment how he wasn't cold.

"This is Logan and Virgil," the guy introduced to Remus, as Remus stepped into the room.

"Hi! Are you burglars?"

Logan blinked. "What? No. Patton just told us to stay here whilst he went to look for our uncle."

Remus pouted. "Boring."

Logan frowned. "Would you... rather us be thieves?"

"Well, it would be more exciting-"

"Don't mind my brother," the other guy interrupted, stepping in front of Remus. "Can we do anything for you?"

Logan gave him a polite smile. "We're quite alright, thank you. As I mentioned, Patton has already offered to help."

Remus pushed in front of his brother again, eyes sparkling with excitement. "You're new in town, right?"

"Correct."

"We should show you around!"

Logan glanced at Virgil, who tried to tell him to say no, but returned to Remus regardless and said, "That would be nice. Although, Patton did say to stay put-"

"We won't be long," the other guy promised. "We could show them the forest," he continued, now addressing his twin.

Remus grinned and nodded. "Yes! Oh, we haven't had anyone to explore the forest with for ages!" He grabbed Logan's hand, and began to drag him out. "C'mon!" Seeming as though he had no choice, Virgil sighed and followed the other three out the back of the house, through the fields and, once again, away from civilisation.

~*~

Patton's frown deepened as he wandered around town, still no sign of Janus in sight. Huh, that was strange. Well, it wasn't particularly unusual for Janus to disappear, sometimes for days on end, but he'd usually at least inform Patton that he'd be gone, and he rarely left when something important was happening. And this was important, right? Two kids coming to live with him. Janus had been talking about these two for ages, about how excited he was to have family coming round to stay, even if the circumstances weren't exactly... ideal.

Patton didn't know much about the Sanders family, but from the sounds of it those kids had been through a lot. He didn't want to dig too much, just allowing Janus to tell him what he was comfortable with him knowing, but he knew that both their parents were dead - how they died, he didn't know, but he assumed it wasn't pretty. And now Janus wasn't even here to welcome them in? It didn't make any sense.

Unless he'd forgotten about them. Maybe he'd got the day wrong?

Or maybe he was just in town, and Patton wasn't looking hard enough.

"If I were Janus, where would I be?" Patton muttered under his breath, peeking inside the local bar only to find it empty asides from the barman. The answer to the question was: not here. Janus only ever came into town for basic necessities, and didn't really involve himself with any of the residents. Asides from himself, as Patton had given Janus no other choice but to be friends, way back when Janus first moved here.

He supposed there was always the forest - Janus often disappeared into the forest for days, weeks at a time, although, again, he'd usually tell Patton. Plus, Patton didn't particularly want to go in the forest and... well, he'd heard stories, enough to make him shudder at the very thought of it. He knew that Roman and Remus frequently hung out there, even though they thought he didn't know - his boys really did think they were good at hiding things, but Patton knew everything - and, although they'd never actually provided evidence, they were certain that something was going on in there. Something that Patton didn't want to find out about.

He turned into the local supermarket and wandered through the aisles, picking up a few bits for himself, as the fridges at home were beginning to look a little bare, and kept an eye out for Janus as he went, figuring that it was likely that if Janus did come into town it would just be for food, especially knowing that he'd have guests coming over to stay soon. But when Patton left the store, and realised that he'd checked every other store, he came to the conclusion that Janus probably wasn't in town. So instead, Patton turned back into the local bar, deciding that maybe he should ask around.

A few other people had gathered inside now, people that Patton recognised but never really spoke to. Whilst Patton did try to be friendly with everyone in the village, it was rare that he came into the bar, and talked to the (mostly straight) crowd. So instead of approaching the more intimidating men sat around drinking, Patton approached the bar, which Remy was stood behind.

Patton knew Remy fairly well, as they lived down his street and often came over for dinners. Why they had decided to work in this bar, Patton didn't know. He gave them a small smile as a hello and took a seat at the bar. Remy smiled back and immediately got to making Patton a cocktail, strawberry flavoured like he always liked. Remy always knew what Patton would want.

"So what brings you here?" Remy asked, taking off their sunglasses (they always wore sunglasses inside for some reason - Patton had yet to figure out why) and sliding the drink over to Patton.

Patton took a small sip, before replying, "I was looking for Janus."

Remy raised an eyebrow. "In here?"

"This is actually my last stop," Patton said, with a giggle. "Couldn't find him anywhere else. Have you seen him?"

Remy shook their head. "Haven't seen him for a few weeks now. Why, is something wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," Patton said, although he wasn't sure how much truth there was to that statement. "It's just that he's got some kids he's meant to be taking care of. They arrived earlier today, but he isn't home."

Remy frowned. "Kids?"

"Yeah." Patton fiddled with the edges of his now empty glass. "His nephews, apparently. They do sorta look like him."

"Oh." Remy hummed. "He's never mentioned his family to me before." Remy was another person that Janus was somewhat close to, simply because they spent so much time round Patton's house. Although, he very clearly didn't trust Remy as much as Patton.

"He doesn't talk to me about them, either," Patton said. "He did say some stuff about these kids a few weeks back, though."

There was a moment of silence between them, as the men in the back started cheering - someone scored in football, by the looks of it - before Remy said, "Think he's pulled another disappearing act?"

Patton stared down into his cup, watching the ice slowly melt at the bottom. "Maybe. I- I should probably head back home. You're right, he's probably just in the forest again."

Remy nodded and slipped his sunglasses back one. "Good luck, babe. Say hi to the boys for me, yeah?"

Patton grinned. "Of course!" He got up off his chair, handing his empty glass back to Remy. "How much do I-"

"Don't worry about it."

Patton blinked. "You sure?"

"Yeah." Remy smiled. "Gift for a friend."

"O-Okay then. Thank you." Patton smiled one last time, then left the pub, heading back towards his car to drive home.

~*~

Virgil glanced nervously around the forest as the twins dragged them further in, so far in that he could no longer see the exit. This was probably fine, right? No one was going to murder him, it wasn't as if he was alone. Although, it was beginning to get darker, and the others showed no signs of wanting to go back. What if Patton returned home with Janus and discovered they were all missing? What if they died in this forest and no one found them? What if they were all forgotten about?

No, no, that didn't sound right. The twins - one of whom Virgil still didn't know the name of - said that they came in here often, so it was probably safe. They'd be fine.

"Hey, uh, can I ask what your name is?" Virgil eventually asked the unknown twin, beginning to feel a little uncomfortable with the silence.

Remus gasped. "Woah, he does speak!"

Virgil rolled his eyes and shoved his hands in his pockets, refusing to say anything else.

"My full name is Romulus, but I tend to go by Roman," the other twin introduced, smiling politely at Virgil. Virgil smiled back, and nodded.

"Oh! Romulus, Remus. Do I sense a theme there?" Logan said, his eyes lighting up. Of course Logan would pick up on that link, and of course he'd choose to be an absolute nerd over it.

"Yeah, Roman decided to be a nerd when picking out his name," Remus said, crouching down to the ground and picked up a large stick, which he proceeded to wave around in the air pretending it was a sword.

"I'm not a nerd," Roman defended.

"You keep telling yourself that."

"Shut up."

"Nothing wrong with being interested in mythology," Logan interrupted, stepping forward to walk besides Roman, thus forcing Virgil to fall to the back of the group. "It is quite fascinating."

Roman looked at him for a moment, before looking away and beginning to walk a little faster. "Hey, Remus, we should go to that cave again!" he suggested. Virgil was just a little confused at the sudden change in conversation, but even more alarmed at the thought of exploring a cave.

"Uh, is that safe-"

"'Course it is!" Roman exclaimed. "We go in there all the time, right, Remus?"

Remus nodded. "Yeah!" He let his stick fall to his side, still swinging his arm back and forth as he walked. "I want to check it out again, anyway. We heard that sound last time, remember?"

"Oh yeah, that was weird." Roman hummed. "Couldn't get past that door, though."

"Door?" Virgil frowned.

"Yeah, this big ass door built of stone or metal or something. We needed, like, a code to get in it."

Logan seemed vaguely interested by that. "What sort of code?"

"Numbers? I don't know."

"Bet I could crack it."

"We spent, like, an hour trying to crack it," Remus said.

"I could do it."

Roman grinned. "Let's go then! I do wanna know what's in there." He picked up the pace again, beginning to run further into the forest. With a sigh, Virgil began to run along with the others, not particularly happy with the change of pace but not really able to complain, since he was an alright runner and didn't seem to have any other choice.

Eventually, the four of them came across a cave in the side of cliff, with lights illuminating the way inside. That was weird - it was a cave, why would there be lights? Unless someone lived there? Unless... something must have been going on. Virgil wasn't sure if he wanted to find out. "You sure about this?" he asked, once again.

"Don't worry, Virge," Roman said, before frowning. "Can I call you Virge?"

Virgil shrugged. "Sure."

"Nice. Anyway, don't worry, it's completely safe."

"Why don't I believe that?"

"Don't worry, Virgil," Logan said, coming up to his side again. "We'll be fine, yeah? If it gets too much, you can always come back out."

Virgil breathed in, then out. "Okay. Yeah, sure, whatever." He followed the twins into the cave, trying his hardest to stay brave, to stay strong. Things would be fine, surely. He couldn't... Well, okay, he could think of many things that could go wrong, but couldn't think of any likely things that could go wrong. Still, he found himself playing with his zip again, as the four walked around the dimly lit, quiet cave.

He could hear a low rumbling, and wasn't entirely sure what to think of that. It sounded like some sort of machinery, and the thought that this may be some kind of government facility briefly crossed his mind, before he shook that thought away and figured that it was probably just like that in here. Although, the twins had mentioned a sound, so...

"Down here!" Remus exclaimed, shooting down a corridor to the side with Roman quickly trailing behind. Virgil and Logan exchanged a concerned, kind of afraid look, before following them. Once they reached this supposed door, however, the twins stopped, frowning. "It's... gone?"

"Not gone," Roman muttered, stepping towards a keypad to the side, a green light blinking in the darkness. "Open."

"Is someone in here?" Logan wondered, leaving Virgil's side and stepping closer towards the door. Virgil decided to stay way, way back, not wanting to know what was behind the door, or find out who had entered. This was- This was all a little too strange for Virgil, too scary, and those unlikely situations he'd thought of earlier suddenly seem way more plausible.

"Looks empty," Roman said, as he stepped into the room. Virgil peeked a glance around the three of them, still keeping his distance but... a little intrigued, he supposed. Mostly, he just wanted to try and ease his anxieties, maybe knowing that nothing was wrong would help him. And, as Roman said, the room was empty, asides from a few crates. There didn't seem to be any other exits, either.

Logan looked back at Virgil and motioned for him to come closer. "C'mon, Virgil, it's safe in here."

Virgil grimaced. "No thanks, don't want to be trapped in some mystery room."

"It really is quite-" Logan's jaw dropped, and he fell silent. A look of fear grew across the other boys faces, as they all became frozen in place.

Virgil frowned. "What's up?"

Logan raised a shaky hand, finger pointing behind Virgil. Okay, that was weird, but... Gulping, Virgil turned around and soon found himself frozen in fear as well, trying to hardest not to scream. Some huge creature stood behind him, a big lizard of some sorts, with forest green scales and huge yellow eyes, glowing in the darkness, and... a pair of wings spread out behind in, talons digging into the ground.

Virgil slowly backed away, back into that small room with the others, and fell into Logan's arm, allowing Logan to grip him tight. He would be safe with Logan, right? Logan always promised to keep him safe. And-

"Close the door," Logan muttered, glancing at Remus who was the closest to the entrance.

"How the fuck am I meant to close the door-"

"I don't know, is there any buttons anywhere?"

"Here!" Roman said, stepping towards a control panel on the other side of the room. He pressed a few buttons as the dragon edged closer, before the door eventually shut tight. Virgil let out a breath, and then screamed.

"What the fuck?" he shouted, gaze drifting between Remus and Roman. "You didn't tell us there were fucking dragons down here?"

"Hey, last time we checked there weren't any fucking dragons!" Roman shouted back, beginning to show his own fear as well. "We thought this cave was abandoned!"

"Well, clearly not, if there's all this machinery around, and working lights," Logan stated, "and, y'know, an actual dragon. Since when were dragons real?"

"Look, I know Remus and I aren't exactly the smartest of people," Roman said, ignoring Remus' offended hey, "but I swear we have never found anything like this in here before-"

"What are we meant to do?" Virgil said, eyes now fixed on the closed door, trying his hardest not to think about the scratching on the other side. "We can't just stay in here forever!"

"You have your phone, Virgil, right?"

"Well, yeah, but who am I meant to call? Our fucking social worker?" Virgil groaned. "Just imagine that conversation. 'Oh yeah, my brother and I are trapped in a cave with a dragon, send help please'. Be realistic Logan."

Logan bit his lip. "We could call Patton? Either of you two have your phone?"

"Left mine at home," Roman said, at the same time that Remus said, "Mine's dead."

"Great. Either of you two know his phone number, maybe?"

There was silence for a moment, before Roman quietly said, "Who remembers phone numbers anymore?"

Logan sighed. "Okay, yeah, didn't think so."

Again, silence. After a few minutes, Virgil blinked. "The scratching's stopped."

"Huh." Logan broke away from Virgil, despite Virgil's silent protests, and approached the door again. "Do you think it's gone?"

"Maybe." Roman's hand hovered over the panel again. "Should I open the door?"

Virgil's eyes widened. "No. It might still be waiting for us."

"We can still close the door afterwards-"

"Open it, Roman," Logan ordered.

The door slowly opened to reveal the dragon laid on the floor, either asleep or dead - Virgil wasn't sure which one he hoped for more - as well as a man standing over the body, trying to catch his breath. After looking at each other, the four slowly made their way out of the room and towards the man. He was older, probably early thirties, one eye brown and the other green, a scar running down his face over the green eye. He wore a yellow shirt under a brown leather jacket, and a yellow beanie covering his somewhat messy brown hair. Virgil couldn't help but think that he recognised him, or that he reminded him of somebody.

"Janus?" Roman said, stepping forward.

Janus. Was- Was this their uncle?

"Uncle Janus," Logan said, stepping forward as well. "Right? Janus Sanders?"

The man looked Logan up and down, and then moved over to Virgil, a smile growing across his face. "Logan, Virgil. I've- I thought you were arriving tomorrow?"

Logan frowned. "No. We arrived today."

"Oh." Janus glanced around. "Well, uh..." He paused, frowning a little. "What are you all doing here?"

"Exploring!" Remus exclaimed, to which Janus sighed.

"I thought I told you boys that the forest was dangerous," he said.

"Yeah, which makes it even cooler."

Once again, Janus sighed. "Well, I'm sorry you all had to see that. We- We should probably get back. Your dad must be wondering where you are, right?"

"He went to look for you," Roman stated.

Janus closed his eyes. "Of course he did. We should... head back anyway." He turned, beginning to lead the four of them out the cave, not even taking notice of the dragon still lying on the floor. "You won't tell Patton about any of this, will you?" The twins nodded.

"Are you-" Virgil breathed in. "Are you going to explain any of this?"

Janus hummed. "Later. For now, we need to make sure you're all safe. This cave isn't exactly for a playground for children."

"I'm not a child-"

"I'll explain later, Virgil," Janus said, "I promise."

~*~

Patton arrived home to discover the four teens and Janus sitting around the table in the kitchen, all with a hot drink in front of them, Janus taking small sips and the others just staring into the liquid, looking rather shaken. A little confused, Patton hovered near the table, waiting for Janus to explain himself.

"Ah, Patton," Janus eventually said, "thank you ever so much for taking care of my boys. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for their arrival."

"I've been looking everywhere for you!" Patton exclaimed, sounding like he wanted to be angry but mostly just... relieved, that Janus and the boys were okay. "What happened?"

"I just had a little trouble to clear up in the forest, nothing to worry about," Janus stated. "Totally forget my nephews were arriving today. But, again, thank you for taking care of them. They've already seemed to make friends with Remus and Roman, at least."

Patton wanted to argue more, but seeing the small smile slowly growing on each of the boys faces made him soften up. He didn't know what had happened, but whatever had gone on must have made the four of them like each other, and... well, the twins had never really had many friends before, so maybe this would do them some good. Patton couldn't really complain, anyway. And it didn't look like anyone was hurt.

"Now that you're back, though, I suppose I'll be taking Logan and Virgil back home," Janus announced, beginning to stand up. "It is getting awfully late."

Patton considered him for a moment, before smiling a little. "No, don't go just yet, at least stay for supper?"

After a moment of silence, Janus sat back down. "Oh, all right. You are an excellent cook."

Patton grinned and went to get started on supper, occasionally glancing back at the table. It looked as though all five of them were trying to hide something, like they'd just done something extraordinary. Janus had mentioned that he'd been in the forest - what was going on there?

Either way, as Patton prepared the dinner, he came to the conclusion that life was about to get a whole lot more interesting.

[thelittleinjenthatcould]

Hi loves! My latest post is up #ontheblog Jen Finds Gems

New Post has been published on https://www.jenfindsgems.com/more-than-migraines/

Opening Up About my Health: More than Migraines

On October 11th the symptoms started. I went for a bike ride on a beautiful Sunday morning (feeling a little nauseous, but ready to power through it). It was pretty hot and I biked farther than usual so when I returned feeling more nauseous than before and a little “out of it”, I figured I was just dehydrated. I remember speaking to my sister and brother in law on the phone about an hour later and suddenly starting to feel a migraine come on. I figured if I just take it easy and drink some water with my usual migraine meds, it would pass quickly.

It didn’t.

On October 13th I visited my primary Doctor for my symptoms. My migraine was still present but I was feeling dizzy and nauseous. I knew something was wrong. I made the mistake of mentioning that I thought I had vertigo, and after doing a few manual tests (follow my finger, touch your nose, walk in a straight line, etc.) the Doctor said that’s what it sounds like so let’s treat it as vertigto. He preseribed me a anti-dizziness medication called Meclizine and told me that in order to recover and help with the dizziness, I should see a physical therapist.

What? A physical therapist? This won’t pass on it’s own? I have to see a physical therapist to help me walk “normal” again? How did this happen? How long am I going to feel this way? I had so many questions! I visited a physical therapist twice before I realized that there was a bigger problem that lied ahead. The therapist listened to my symptoms and concerns and ran a few tests on his own (the epley maneuver) and realized that this didn’t sound like vertigo at all. “I think we are dealing with something bigger here Jen,” he told me.

I kept that with me. Something bigger. Okay… but what? No one could give me answers.

I was a mess and everyday functions seemed difficult or damn near impossible. I couldn’t move too quickly. I couldn’t look around a room without getting pains. It had gotten to the point where just turning my head from one side to the other felt like the room was violently spinning and I was beginning to have double and blurred vision in my right eye. I couldn’t lay flat, sleep on my right side, or sleep in total darkness because that made the dizziness worse. I felt like I was free falling in the dark and of course that made me super nauseous.

Saturday morning I woke up ready to vomit and I almost fell to my feet. Walking was too difficult because I swayed from one side to the other and I had to run and grab a wall to hold. I fell to my knees and crawled to the bathroom, vomiting for hours. When my husband returned home (he went to drop the kids off at family’s house so he could take care of me) I was hugging the toilet, sweating and holding my head with my eyes closed. I didn’t know if I was having a stroke, a seizure, suffering from brain tumor, or an aneurysm. I was terrified.

That day Nick took me to the Emergency room. They drugged me up and ran countless tests from MRI’s, MRA’s, CT scans and heart evaluations. I was picked and prodded by nurses and Doctors and the on site Neurologist told me that my exams came back fine. He said there wasn’t any area of concern that he could find but he wanted me to follow up with ENT for a possible inner ear issue and then follow up with him for brain evaluations as this could have been linked to my migraines. He also prescribed a medication by the name of Topiramate which is an anti-seizure medication that is used to treat migraines.

After coming home from the hospital, covered in EKG tabs.

I have been suffering from migraines for over 20 years and they never presented themselves in this way. What was happening inside my body? Why now and why wasn’t anything showing up on the tests? I was confused and I was scared.

I was released from the hospital the next day, more confused and afraid than ever. I had no idea what was happening and what I was supposed to do from here. So this is it, I thought. This is how I’m going to feel forever.

As the days and weeks went on, I continued to do research, pray and research more. I made an appointment with an ENT Specialist that left me in tears because he said whether this is an inner ear issue or a migraine issue, it could take years to recover. Years? What the hell! I can barely walk without holding on to my husband or a wall, I can’t be in a bright room and too much noise or movement is over stimulation for me. Years?

That night I found two blogs that gave me relief- The Dizzy Cook and Jennifer of Migraine Strong. I read their stories and instantly felt closer to answers. They spoke about their experiences with vestibular migraines, dizziness and other symptoms, their road to recovery and their treatment plans. Every night I went back to their words. I studied their plans and their courses of action. I took notes of what they did and how it helped them. I looked up the books they recommended and the supplements they took and then… I found that Jen went to Dr. Danner in Tampa that specializes in migraines and neurology! He’s here in Tampa?! I HAVE TO SEE HIM!!

My first appointment with Dr. Danner was on November 4th. He listened to my concerns and helped me understand that what I was experiencing could have been an inner ear issue or be a migraine issue however regardless of which one it was, it would be treated in the same way. He encouraged me to follow a migraine elimination diet to help me find what my triggers are, start taking at least 500 mgs of a magnesium supplement everyday, keep taking my prevention medication, and follow up with him in a month.

I followed the elimination diet to a “T”. I fell in love with a book called “Heal Your Headache,” and I went down rabbit hole after rabbit hole of vestibular migraine research.

A few weeks went by my dizziness subsided but I started to notice that the migraine prevention medication that I was on was giving me adverse effects. I had crazy brain fog, to the point where I found it hard to hold conversations or keep a thought for longer than a few seconds. It made me crazy exhausted, depressed, and I lost about 20 lbs. It made my body feel cold (literally) and I felt frail and weak. The day before Thanksgiving I called Dr. Danner and asked if I should keep taking this medication or stop based on these symptoms and a numbness I started to feel in my right leg. After careful consideration, he recommended that I stop but continue the other migraine treatment plan and follow up with him at my next appointment (which was about a week and a half later).

When I had my follow up appointment, he asked me how I felt. By that time, the numbness in my right limbs had started to feel like a heaviness and my leg would sporadically “lock up”. My leg and arm would move (or not move) on their own and it started to worry me. Dr. Danner had his office staff call in an appointment for me with Dr. Sunil Reddy, an awesome Neurologist in Tampa that could take a deeper look to see if there were possibly any other neurological issues going on.

I have been going to my Neurologist and weekly physical therapy appointments since.

Today I experience less migraines and the spasms in my arms and legs are few and far between. These spasms are believed to be linked to Transverse Myelisits which is inflammation of the spinal cord. This was determined from a neck MRI that I had that showed some scarring on my spine. Sometimes Transverse Myelitis can progress to MS however sometimes it is a one time event that can heal on it’s own. After several brain MRI’s, my Neurologist does not see any lesions or scarring on my brain and does not see an area of concern there. My next order is to get an MRI of my spine and we will monitor and make an action plan based on the findings there.

I still have no idea what triggered all of this to occur and if they are linked in any way. Did my migraines progress into something more which caused these other symptoms and issues? Was something lying dormant and now decided to progress as I got older? How does your spinal cord even get inflammed? Is it something I did??

I’m still learning and I think that my greatest lesson is that I won’t always have the answers. But I know I’m not giving up, and all of this taught me that I’m more of a warrior than I realize!

I am writing this because I hope to help someone that may be going through something similar, just as Jen and “The Dizzy Cook” helped me. When all of this started to happen, all I could do was think of how much I wanted to write about my experiences for this reason. I wish that I could have given you a full synopsis of what I was experiencing in live time, but things progressed so quickly that I seldom had time to process them fully, or the energy or brain power to do so.

I’m sure I left out a lot of details. Like me crying every night wondering why this was happening. My husband having to physically hold me up to walk and take a shower because I was too dizzy to stand. The lack of confidence I had making eye contact with people, in fear that they would see my eyes darting from side to side or trying to focus. Wondering if people were whispering or thinking I was drunk when I stumbled to walk at my daughter’s Gymnastics class or my son’s Taekwondo class. Seeing more Doctor’s, nurses, emergency rooms and Specialists in the last 4 months that I have in the past 5 years. The time, money and MEDICAL BILLS I have racked up since this all started.

This journey has been humbling and frustrating, but I’m happy that I am stronger now than when I started.

I hope that this has helped you in some way and I look forward to sharing more of my journey with you here. If you haven’t already, please check out my blog post on my recommendations for dealing with migraines and follow me on IG for more health and wellness tips.

Stay encouraged and stay positive friends.

With love,

Jennifer.

[rynhaswritersblock]

sista-sista | p.p.

a/n: okay so one day i was really bored and then i was like "does peter parker have a sister?" so i googled it and hE DOES AND HER NAME IS TERESA PARKER AND SHE'S ON EARTH 616 (just like mcu peter ahhh)

summary: you (peter's sister; you can even pretend y/n says teresa if you wanna get real lol) were recruited by nick fury multiple years ago. ever since he discovered you, he took you in and trained you to work behind the scenes at S.H.I.E.L.D., and was the one to help you recover after being kidnapped by a terrorist group and experimented on (which resulted in you getting your powers). nick convinces you to work on a mission with peter, resulting in your coming clean to him about your past and the biological relationship between the two of you.

warnings: will probably make you want to be the one to play teresa whenever they introduce her into the mcu (join the team!!), cussing, some mildly triggering themes ig, oh and ***FAR FROM HOME SPOILERS, THIS IS A WARNINGGGGGGG*** also this is NOT a peter x reader because that would be incest lmao

+ + +

"y/n!"

"yes?" you ask, turning around to meet eyes, or, eye, with nick fury.

your eyes slightly soften at the man who took you in. while he doesn't exactly have the warmest appearance, he was the one who made you the powerful woman you were today. without him, you didn't know where you'd be, or even if you'd be alive.

"i need your help." fury says solemnly, making you furrow your brows as you lean back against the wall.

"got it, what for?"

"peter parker's identity has been revealed by mysterio, and mysterio has tricked the entire world into believing spider-man is a villian."

the very second the words fall from fury's lips, your breath catches in your throat.

"i'm sorry, what?" you choke.

"peter parker, as in your brother, is in dire need of your help because his identity has been revealed and reputation has been completely and utterly flipped." the man states sternly, looking at you pointedly with a hint of remorse in his eye. (a/n kinda funny writing about nick only having one eye but this is serious i'm sorry i'm sorry)

you gulp, averting your gaze to the ground, your brain spinning out of control as you try to gather your thoughts.

"you..." you mutter, pulling a chair and sitting at the table, running a hand through your hair and tugging at the strands. "you want me to work with my long lost brother on a life-threatening situation where i'd have to be around him, like, very often? do... do you expect me to just like throw my identity out there, or...?"

fury sighs and pulls a chair, sitting next to you. "it's best if you tell him who you are, that way he knows he can trust you. he's currently in hiding with his aunt-"

your heart tugs at the sound of nick talking about peter's aunt, who is also your aunt. you fight the urge to dwell on the fact that you're missing out on a happy life with biological family members.

"- and if he knows you're his sister, he's more likely to trust you. especially after this whole shit-show with quentin beck, he feels he doesn't know what's real and what's not."

you cover your face with your hand, pulling at your skin before resting your hand over your mouth, elbow resting on the table. you stare at the ground, thinking.

"fine. but you have to let me talk to him privately."

+ + + time skip sponsored by tom holland's thighs (cause i mean come oN) + + +

the quietness of the meeting room almost drives you insane, your foot tapping on the ground at hyper-speed as you wait for fury to come back with peter.

the door swings open, your head snapping up as you watch fury walk in, followed by peter. a small gasp falls from your lips as you look at the boy, head full of brown curls and with deep brown eyes. he has a stern look on his face, clad in his black and red suit which you had seen from afar, having helped out behind the scenes. he meets eyes with you making you snap out of your head. you clear your throat, quickly standing and reaching out a hand for him.

"peter, this is y/n. she'll be helping us with the case." nick says, carefully watching the two of you.

peter's gaze averts to your hand, hanging midair as you wait for him to shake it. you watch as he side-eyes nick suspiciously, fury giving a quick nod, inducing peter to reach out. the older boy's hand meets yours, firmly shaking it before pulling away. you nod at the boy, remaining strictly professional- confidence was your cover with everyone you met, and only the ones who really knew you got to see your nervous, awkward side.

"nice to meet you." you nod, quickly looking him in the eye before shifting your gaze over to fury, whom you were much more comfortable looking at.

"you too." he replies, the first sound of his voice making your heart skip a beat, feelings of longing coursing through you.

you knew this wasn't a good idea.

"i'll let you and y/n talk while i go do something..." fury says, giving you a knowing look as he leaves the room shutting the door behind him.

you clear your throat uncomfortably, gesturing for peter to sit. you lower yourself onto the chair at the head of the table while peter sits to the one on the side next to it.

"how come i've never seen you around here?" the boy asks.

"that's..." you begin, hesitating. "that's what i'm here to talk to you about."

peter raises an eyebrow at you as you look up at him, sighing.

"peter, i'm... i'm your sister."

you purse your lips, looking up at your brother with anticipation.

suddenly, he bursts out laughing, making you furrow your brows.

"my... my sister?" he wheezes, looking at you. "that's insane... you're crazy, i'm leaving. i knew fury was being weird."

your eyes widen as he stands from his chair and your hands shoot up, pulling your anti-receptors from your temples. with just your thoughts, you stop the boy in his tracks and a sigh falls from your mouth. you quickly let him go and he immediately spins around, eyes frantic as he looks at you.

"what the hell did you just-?"

"if you'd just sit down, i can explain everything. all you have to do is listen." you breathe, sitting back down as the boy returns to his chair, also sitting. peter's gaze stays on you as you slip your anti-receptors back onto your temples.

"after your parents- well- our parents died, i was kidnapped by a group of terrorists. they experimented on me for years- giving me my powers- until, finally, nick found me and rescued me. he's raised me and i've been working for S.H.I.E.L.D. ever since i was fourteen. i've only ever been allowed to work for him behind the scenes because i'm so young, so i've never done anything like this. listen, i know it sounds insane, but i'll show you any paperwork and answer any questions you have." you explain.

you watch as the boy looks down at the table, lips pursed as he nods slightly.

"you... you were kidnapped? experimented on?"

you nod.

"so that's how you were able to do... whatever that was?"

"yeah, basically." you breathe out. "i can read and control minds and am, essentially, a genius. and i'm a telekinetic."

"if you can control minds then how do i know you're not making this up and just making me believe it with your head?" peter inquires, cocking his head at you as he moves slightly backwards.

"these." you say, pulling the anti-receptors back off from your temples and handing them to peter. "anti-receptors. they keep me from using my powers unless it's important."

the boy inspects them for a moment before meeting eyes with you again. "me listening to you was that important?"

"according to nick, yes." you laugh lightly, taking the mini gadgets back and placing them on your temples.

silence fills the room for a moment before you swipe up a hologram on your watch, pulling up your personal files.

"here's proof."

you watch as peter reads through the information and dna tests that prove you're his sister for a few minutes before looking back at you.

"so, you're only seventeen? two years younger than me?" he asks, swiping down the hologram to meet eyes with you again.

you nod, looking around the room before deciding that you might as well give him time to process all the new information. you stand, sighing as peter also stands.

"well, uh, it was nice meeting you, peter, i'll let you-"

peter cuts you off as he wraps his arms around you, pulling you to him. your breath catches in you throat before you ease into his embrace, wrapping your arms around his torso, feeling him hold you tightly as he buries his face in your neck. your heart swells, the feeling of hugging your brother after seventeen long years melting away your loneliness.

the two of you slowly pull away after a moment, smiling at each other.

"aunt may is gonna love you."

+ + +

HOW COOL WOULD IT BE FOR MARVEL TO INTRODUCE TERESA INTO THE MCU

[wildflowerwattpad0217]

Clary Fray Gets Married. (My First Story On Wattpad) My Reaction After 3 Years.

So This story is going to be deleted from Wattpad on 12/18/2020. Due to how messy the story is. But I don’t reccomend reading it. So if you want to read the mess before then here is the link:

Clary Fray Gets Married

Masterlist

One paragraph is a single chapter

So Maia just got killed and Sebastian is back. That's a cheesy line. How would they be able to invite you to the wedding if they thought you were dead. Not that they would anyway. Clary is sacrificing herself for everyone. All these misspellings though, well it was my first story on here and I never edited it and I wrote it on my phone. That was short af. Well my original word count was 500 but later in the story I am pretty sure I switched it to my current 2000.

The incest plotline though, *throws up* I was trying to continue the idea of Sebastian thinking that the bloodline had to be pure. And Clary's pregnant. Jace's pov, the language was the worst in this story. Clary pov. Sebastian wants to make another demon child. Trama. Sebastian is a vampire but a new breed. Mark of Cain?

So we are starting this chapter with Trama warnings. Jace is blood thirsty and I don't blame him. This is the cringest this I've ever written and that's saying a lot. Clary made a run to hurt him. It can't be that easy.

Sebastian told Jace that was pregnant. Jace just cut of his head and he's still alive? These 500 word chapter get annoying fast.

Threatening Alec for Magnus to put up wards. That's one way to do it ig. You want the Infernal Cup too? Now he only wants Jace and Clary there.

Not much happened in this chapter but Sebastian raided Clary's closet from the Insitute.

A protective Jocelyn tho. This language is not how I would write this today.

It's like every other word is F*ck. This is so cringey. This is supposed to be first person pov not whatever you wanna call that. So much flopping back and forth between povs and I didn't make the pov change very noticeable either.

Really you're taking his head off again? Well it gave you time to get away ig.

This conversation feels forced. It doesn't flow right.

Clary is insisting on getting married before Sebastian can screw it up any more.

Magnus calling Simon by his actual name??? How did Jace just pop up like that?

What the hell was going on it that small pov with Sebastian and Lilith? "...revealing his father in a new form." Valentine? Wtf? Yeah it is Valentine and he hates what his son did.

Jace and Clary are finally getting married.

Valentine it pissed at Sebastian. Clary thinks it's halirious that he's a downworlder now. Karma is a bitch. Clary really just stabbed him in throat after he offered to help you kill your brother and Lilith?

Now why is Sebastian so worked up over a missing necklace? And Jocelyn just found out about Valentine and she shookth.

Jace has a half sister? And Luke has a niece? I don't remember this plotline but this story was all over the place.

Who is Lilith gonna bring back now? Carmen Herondale, Jace's sister.

Sebastian and Carmen reunited.

Sebastian never wanted this for Carmen? She's made at him but not for the reason you think. He was going to propose to her the night she was killed? Valentine is the reason she's dead? Clary just killed him.

Carmen is a murderer? And she got away.

I didn't even realize Simon didn't go.

Carmen you touch Alex or Max I will kill you.

He gave her the wrong spell thankfully.

Tessa is dead? The author's note was not it.

Even in a shitty fanfic Max is adorable.

Carmen's adoptive mundane father was a gang leader in Paris? What kind of crack was I smoking while writing this?

Simon compared her to Assassin's Creed. Why did Clary just pass out?

So the kid is basically going to be a full blown angel. Interesting. And the last thing she remembers is taking the pregnancy test?

That is some Twilight shit right there.

Aww Alec wants to propose to Magnus.

Her pregnancy is getting intense.

That line is so cringey wtf. Sebastian is back?

So I kinda remember the person who originally raised Lilith but tbh I regret writing Carmen's charcther because the next few chapter don't make any sense.

Clary's eyes changed colors. I really don't remember writing half of this because I was going through some stuff at the time.

The unnecessary pov switch tho. Clary just made a new Rune.

Magnus may have found a way to make Shadowhunters immortal?

Why would you try a rune on a trash can?

So everyone one agreed to going immortal. That would suck. And there was a rune made with the oil based paint Clary used. This is confusing af. I am sorry to anyone who has ever read this.

Max calls Clary, Aunt Clary. Wtf does he have to be so cute?

More Max being adorable.

Alec and Magnus are engaged. This makes me happy. Sebastian projected himself into the Insitute?

New Character is introduced: Emily Starkweather. Hodge's daughter and Lydia Blackwell's half sister and she hates her.

I made Lydia Blackwell very homophobic because I made Emily bi sexual and that's why they hate each other. Emily is traitor. Sebastian loves her? And is cheating on Carmen with her. This is very confusing. Emily is gonna teach Izzy how to cook.

Raphael got her addicted to Yin Fen. I really mixed The show and the book together. This bitch is lying her ass off to them.

Sebastian and Emily are planning to get rid of Carmen.

She's planning on killing so many people and pinning it on them.

Emily has some Trama TM

She is going to kill her mother.

Lowkey think Jace is getting sus of her. Carmen is dead.

They just found out she's a traitor.

Joyce, Luke, Myrse and Robert are all dead wtf and the baby is coming.

Emily has a good reason to trust Sebastian tho. He did save her life.

Lilith thought she was dead? Who do u think rose you from Edom?

They don't know Carmen id dead yet? Alec ripped into Lydia. Compared her to Valentine. Big ope. Emily is the 3rd Angel experiment.

Emily and Sebastian  are planning on kidnapping Lydia. Emily's angel blood is Lucifer's wtf? Emily called her sister a Stupid Ass Bitch and I'm living for it. And she's been kidnapped.

Sebastian just turned her? Ew. The left-handed joke. They summoned Lucifer for some reason.

Emily is absolutely crazy.

So she did kill her mother... I didn't make that very clear. Jace and Alec want them to make Amends so that she doesn't murder Shadowhunters. Sweetie I think it's far too late for that. Lydia is officially dead. How could she be preggers if she's a vampire? And now her mother is still alive? Jocelyn, Luke, Maryse and Robert are alive still too? Emily's mom admitted to everything. I also started going to 2000 word chapters.

Lilith is acting like a bitch, kinda. They are attacking the clave. Lilith summoned a shit ton of demons. The end of the chapter is kinda intense tho.

Raphael? Wtf are you doing here? Hodge?  They are testing by mortal sword. This is kinda confusing. Why was this the most read story on my wattpad before Avenging Riverdale?

Flashback scene to when they first met.

Then there was a short chapter. About a prochey

Time skip. The baby is coming. A blue and a black eye? Sebastian's eyes flickered green? Magnus wants to figure how to bring out the Johnathan in him.

Emily plans on making Sebastian stays Sebastian.

That was a shitty chapter.

And I forgot I discountinted it... Sorry about that.

Overall I am happy I discountinted you. It is a horrible book and I am embarrassed by it to be honest. This is my first book on wattpad so I think it's pretty normal but it wasn't my first piece of fanfic. My first work was on Fanfic.net but has since been deleted by the website. I don't know why it wasn't bad at all it was more fluff than anything. But I have decided that I am going to post this and then I'm going to take down the story in a month. I failed to put trigger warnings, failed to edit (to be fair that was back when I did all of my writing on my phone before I had am actual laptop). But I did have some good ideas when it came to the traitor part and Sebastian finding love and I deem this story on crack. So my final rating is a 2/10.

[ruleroflimbo-a]

The Death of Illyana || Discord

Events: Illyana follows Kitty to a place in the middle of nowhere, it doesn’t end well Date: 10.11.16 Involved: Illyana Rasputin and Kitty Pryde @chicagospryde Mentioned: N/A Trigger warnings: death, guns, blood, injuries, feelings ig

KITTY: Carmen Pryde was many things: a coward, a liar, a father, a husband. He was, above all else, a man who loved his daughter more than anything. He gave his life to protecting mutants, if he could speak now, it'd only be to apologize for not giving it sooner. Carmen Pryde also wasn't a very smart man, or he would have apologized for the path he started his daughter down instead. 

Kitty was angry, rightfully so. As days since his death turned to week and then months, she didn't get any less angry. The world could be so cruel. It wasn't enough for her to be hated for what she was, it had to drag her father down with it. He died for her, because of her. And it didn't soothe the ache to go after anti-mutant groups, but it helped her think it did. She followed a particularly violent group to their hideout in the middle of fucking nowhere--she told no one, but made no effort in trying to mask her intentions either. Their hideout was a rundown farm; easily flammable. Kitty had never committed arson before, but now seemed like a good time to start. With all her anger, something needed to burn. Why not let it be them? 

As the flames she started took their farm-house turned make-shift headquarters, and as members of the small group poured out to save themselves, Kitty phased through flame and traveled down into a poor imitation of a lab. There stood a scientist trying to grab his life's work, when he saw Kitty, he turned with a shaky hand wrapped around a clunky gun. "S-stop! Stop or I'll shoot!" And what could he have that was so important he needed to save it? The question held around Kitty's lips as she moved closer. Bullets couldn't hurt her anymore than flame could. She was invincible, untouchable, and angry. Her eyes dared him to try, and he did. The bullet whizzed harmlessly through her. And into the flesh of someone else. Kitty whipped around, "I-Illyana?"

ILLYANA: She'd followed Katya because she knew something was wrong and knowing Katya she was going to do something stupid. Her worries were proven right when she found Katya and a burning building. She looked around to see if she could see her friend but she wasn't outside, which meant, she was inside the burning building, because of course she was. Phasing or not Katya being inside a building that was burning unsettled Illyana. Focusing on Katya she teleported in behind her, just in time for a bullet to lodge itself in her stomach. Her hand instantly went to cover the wound, to put pressure on it, her legs buckling beneath her as she fell to the floor.

KITTY: The world slowed into an excruciating melodrama--something so ridiculous it has to be fiction. Illyana falling has to be fiction. Kitty rushed to her said in seconds that felt slowed by a thick fog. Her hands reached out by reflex, pressing against a wound she never should have gotten. The scientist, in awe, stood there, his prototype gun in his hands. "Did it work? Did it work?" He repeated, in shock, only gathering his things in a frenzy later when he remembered these were mutants and his life's work was built around exterminating them. He ran out of the room; Kitty was too caught up to notice. "Illyana! You--what are you---" she pressed her hand to the would tighter, the other behind the blonde's head to help prop her up. "You need to teleport! Illyana, please--" she doesn't notice her hot tears falling against the woman's face either. There was so much blood.

ILLYANA: Katya told her to teleport but something was wrong, she couldn't use her powers, she couldn't even call her sword. That must have been what the scientist had meant when he wondered if it worked, her powers had been somehow neutralised, meaning she couldn't teleport to a hospital or even to Limbo. "I..." she was having trouble speaking, the pain from the gun shot making it hard. "I can't" she gasped out, holding onto Katya's arm tightly "m-my powers."

KITTY: "No, no, no, no," she repeated until her voice cracked and tears ran free down her face. If she denied it enough, maybe the world would take pity on her. "I can't lose you too," she whimpered, the hand that should have been pressed to her wound went up to cradle her face, smearing it with blood. All of the skin, that beautiful face, stained. Kitty brought her hand back, pressing it there and holding firm. "I'm not---okay." Okay, she wasn't going to lose Illyana like she. She wouldn't let it happen. "Illyana listen to me, you have to listen to me," she stared on delicately shifting the woman into her arms---why wasn't she stronger? Why didn't she lift more weights? Why didn't she listen? Why didn't Illyana? "Why did you come? You shouldn't have come!" And why couldn't she remember the basics of gunshot wound care now? She phased her hand into Illyana's stomach, trying to find the bullet--nothing, gone like it'd dissolved. She pulled her hand back and focused. The building was getting hot. They needed to leave first. They needed to---"Why did you come?"

ILLYANA: She lifted her hand slowly to wipe away the tears on Katya's face, she didn't like it when she cried, she never wanted Katya to be sad, or to cry. If she could she would make it so Katya was never sad, never in pain, never cried. She gave a weak smile when Katya's hand touched her face, unbothered by the blood. Illyana groaned from the pain when Katya shifted her body, she was in pain and losing a lot of blood fast. Without being able to teleport things were looking dark, Illyana knew that but she didn't point it out, Katya probably knew that too and didn't need the reminder. Why did you come? she thought that was obvious, she came because she cared, because she wanted to help Katya with what she was going through. "I-I came for you" she whispered, she was getting weaker and so whispering was all she could manage at the moment. "I came for you" she repeated, her hand against Katya's face

KITTY: Kitty leaned into the touch, brief as it was. She thought about all the times they hadn't touched, all the kisses and hugs she'd denied them. The ones she held back on. Now here, with Illyana's hand against her cheek, it could be the last. If she didn't move, at least. If she didn't stuff down remorse in place of action. She held Illyana tighter, lifting her in her arms and  phasing them through wall and flame. "You shouldn't have come..." She repeated. This wouldn't be another death that happened because of her. Illyana wouldn't end up like her father. "I need you to hold on to me, can you do that?" She gently placed her down again, taking off her jacket—shirt—anything to press against the wound. "Pressure," she said, "keep hold of me and keep pressure." Illyana would not die, Kitty wouldn't allow it.

ILLYANA: She winced when Katya picked her up to phase them out of the burning building, everything hurt right now, moving, breathing, talking, it hurt so much. It wasn't much better when Katya put her down again. She looked at the blood covering her hand and her stomach, there was too much of it. Without her ability to teleport... there was no way she was getting to a hospital in time. "Katya" she said slowly, she was losing her strength, just keeping her eyes open was a struggle "it's-" too late "I can't... I'm sorry."

KITTY: "You can." She emphasized back, her mouth tasting salt-twisted tears as she spoke. "We're not far from a hospital, we're--" in the middle of fucking nowhere, she'd said it herself. "You can." Kitty repeated instead, ignoring how the men who hadn't ran away yet gawked at them. She pulled Illyana into her arms again, unable to apply pressure and hold her at the same time, praying it wouldn't make a difference as she lifted up into the air. Phase-flying was tricky, and inconvenient most of the time. Worst of all, it was far too taxing to do wtih an extra body. Her powers weren't made to save, only to keep herself out of harm's way. "L-look! Look there's cows and horses and--d-didn't you grow up on a farm? Don't you want to tell me all about it? Don't you want to take me there one day? Show me your home? Your parents?" She sobbed, begging with words unsaid that Illyana wouldn't leave her--would never leave her. "You can. You will."

ILLYANA: She knew it was too late, even if Katya wanted to hold on hope that it wasn't, Illyana had made peace with the fact that it was too late, that she was running out of time. Dying didn't scare her, even if she didn't want to leave Katya, her brother and everyone else, it didn't scare her, and dying in Katya's arms? She was okay with that, there was no place she'd rather be if she only had moments left. She had her arms wrapped around Katya's shoulders, her head resting against her chest, yeah this wasn't a bad way to go she decided, a small smile on her lips. She didn't want Katya to blame herself for this, for her death, or be sad for too long. There was so much she wanted to say to her but she couldn't. I love you she wanted to say, tell her about her feelings but she couldn't, it would be cruel to do it right before she left her, before she died. "It's too late" she whispered as she closed her eyes, it was too late in more ways that one, she drew in her last breath as her heart stopped beating.

KITTY: "And those new Star Wars movies are coming out and we need to watch them and I know you don't really like Star Wars but I do and I like you and I..." she faltered, her body far too week to be carrying Illyana across such a long distance. Her heart thumping too hard in her chest, and her voice too shattered by the sound of her sobbing to make speech possible. "You can't die. You can't die because we just started being friends again and I can't lose you and I love you and you're my best friend." And she continued like this, pointing out facts, rambling about all the things she wanted to do with Illyana--hoping the woman could hear her, would agree once she got better and Kitty would never again let time or space squander their relationship. Once Illyana got better, she wouldn't waste a single second thinking about if she should or should not touch; she just would.

Kitty wasn't sure how long it had been , or how far she had gone, but country landscape dissolved into a city and the bright building of a hospital became the only thing she could see. "Look, Yana, I told you--I told you we'd make it---I--" she phased through the walls, clutching Illyana close to her. The woman was limp now, but Kitty didn't care. "I need a doctor!" She screamed, "I need a--I need your best doctors!" And a hysterical woman with a blood-stained dead body drew attention. Nurses surrounded her and minutes passed by in a blur. At some point someone thought to take Illyana from Kitty's arms and try for a pulse. As their mouth moved to speak a truth Kitty knew, the mutant shook her head. "She's not dead," she spat back, "she's not dead. She's not---" her voice caught, more minuted passed by in white haze. Kitty found herself in a seat, staring at her red hands.

"She's--we couldn't--" 

Kitty raised her hand up, stopping whoever had chosen to interrupt her with lies. Under harsh hospital lights, the red took a bright turn. Like paint. Like some melodrama--something she could laugh away as fiction. "If Illyana's dead, then there's nothing left for me here." Or anywhere.

She looked up, eyes puffed out and red still from crying that didn't seem to stop. "If she's dead then it's my fault. Then nothing is worth anything else and if she's dead then I---" she paused, dropping her gaze back to her hands, "--then I want to be too."

What happened after, she couldn't remember. A haze of red and black and funerals and people telling her they were so sorry. Months later she quit the X-Men. Weeks after that she enrolled in school. Never once did she forget who there was to blame for robbing the world of Illyana Rasputin.  Never once did she forgive herself.

[musicrunsthroughmysoul]

I’m feeling a bit like I’m falling apart today. Which also implies that I ever felt fully put together in the first place. I mean, at least at the beginning of the year I felt like I was getting my shit together, and now this...and now more than ever it feels like I have nothing but to simply fall apart. You know? I don’t know if that’s how the trauma of this pandemic can be described, but. Meh. I don’t even feel like analyzing that.

At least I got The Black Tones’ “The Devil and His Grandmother” b/w “Where Do We Go Now” single today. Like I suspected, it’s addressed from Seattle, so when I feel like I can muster up my righteous anger I’ll probably email the Ten Club and ask them ‘Why the fuck did it cost over $6 for you to send this to me when I live in almost THE NEIGHBORING FUCKING CITY? YOU ASSHATS, I COULD’VE PICKED IT UP IN PERSON FOR LESS THAN IT COST TO SEND IT TO MY HOUSE, WHAT THE FUUUUUCK.’ But seeing the single and realizing that the record’s design is definitely the coolest (and cover-wise, funniest) single that I own now really put a smile on my face so I appreciate that, and I love The Black Tones. ❤

Also I’m reading the dictionary today. Literally. I’ve had many adults in my life (older adults...I’m an adult, too, I guess?) tell me about the instances where they just read the dictionary, either for fun or because malevolent, older adults in their life subjected them to read it for homework. (I think my grandfather told me that story. I think he had to read it as homework over the summer, too. I guess it helped him though since he was a history/English teacher at one point in his life. Oh yeah! A love of language and history runs in my family. I hope with me at least, though, that such love also recognizes and carries with it a responsibility to instigate change. Positive change. You know...you all know my cause. LOL “Language matters, the end”? ‘That you?’ ‘Yeah, that me.’) I haven’t made it too far yet since I’m here writing this now, but so far it’s kind of boring as I realize that I already know most of the words and what they mean. I don’t know, I was hoping for a surprise like, ‘Oh yeah, you’re as dumb as you think you are! Get ready to learn a bunch of new things!’ but it’s like, Well, actually...actually, being a writer prepared me quite well for this task even if my writing doesn’t often employ my full vocabulary. So yeah, I tend to write pretty simply, but the breadth of my knowledge isn’t actually as simple as I thought and as I assume most people think? I don’t know, it’s like...first impressions.

But in other news, I had to unfollow Benmont last night. And this was RIGHT after he posted something that I squealed about. So why would I unfollow him almost immediately after seeing something that made me happy? Well...trigger warning: sexual harassment, victim blaming/victim shaming

His post was about appearing on “We Are Hear” which is the organization (? channel? network?) that hosted Donita Sparks’ Q&A and which I liked quite a bit, and with some sort of morbid curiosity I checked the comments on his post - this was on IG - and guess who commented on it. I don’t know that you all will be able to guess, so I’ll just tell you: Ry*n *d*ms. Seeing his comment appear on Benmont’s post, especially as supportive as it was, legit made my blood run cold. Now, I know Benmont doesn’t have any control over who follows him/likes his stuff/comments/etc. unless he blocks them, and I don’t know that he’s unfriendly enough to block anyone. (For real, for real.) But especially considering Benmont did not speak out in support of *d*ms’ victims, ESPECIALLY since many of them were in the music industry or were aspiring to be, seeing *d*ms supportive comment on Benmont’s post just put the worst, worst taste in my mouth. (I think it was the salt, actually. From my tears. Of utter disappointment. Yep!) As a MAN especially, and as someone who worked with *d*ms, Benmont had a responsibility to speak out against *d*ms’ actions and support the women disparaged by *d*ms’ actions. But he never fucking did. And now I’ve found that Benmont might still be supportive of this piece of shit, or at least that *d*ms is still supportive of him so there’s an undeniable association there? Fuck that. And fuck him, and fuck them.

I’m trying not think of my disappointment too much, honestly. Besides my almost immediate reaction to just unfollow Benmont, afterward I was so disgusted and trying to minimize my anger that I had to watch Alice Bag’s workout video to her song “Spark” which was the best decision I could’ve made actually because it made me smile again and made me cry to see HER in such a good mood. (But I felt embarrassed to even watch it at that point because I was laying in bed which is, um, the exact opposite of what one should be doing when engaging with a workout video? You know? So embarrassed/guilty...yeah, I felt that.) But at that point it was enough just to see Alice and hear her song again and to see her dancing to it that lifted my spirits a little bit. The effect of my music moms always overpowers the darkness! :’)

Also, I was going to put this in the tags but I decided recently that having long as shit tags is annoying as fuck so here we go: I know I should be taking action, too, by the way. I should let Benmont know that he had a responsibility to say something but he didn’t and now it’s too late if he’s letting a piece of shit interact with him again, and publicly. But I don’t have the mental capacity to do that right now, which I’m sorry for. But I believe women and victims and survivors. Men who knowingly don’t hold their fellow men accountable for their despicable actions are complicit. And I don’t care who I’m saying that about. Because I know full well that I must be saying that about any and every man I’ve ever met or held to some sort of esteem. (That’s what people, mostly women, mean when they say “Men are trash.”) At this point, I could deign to be surprised. I’d like to tell men: “SURPRISE ME, MOTHERFUCKERS! Surprise me with your empathy and support, and THAT’S A THREAT!” Or “Do something new, do something good, be someone good. Just do the right thing even if you suffer for it, because I can guarantee that victims and survivors suffered a shit ton more than you ever will.”

Like a woman (a victim of sexual harassment) on Twitter said: victims have everything to lose when they come forward. They have absolutely EVERYTHING to lose. Well EXCUSE ME for thinking the world shouldn’t be like that. Perpetrators should be the ones losing. But society - this capitalist, patriarchal, white supremacist society - says that’s controversial. Well I say FUCK THAT. DO SOMETHING NEW. DO SOMETHING GOOD FOR FUCK’S SAKE.

[directordxnvers]

Visitation || Discord

Events: Alex goes to visit Daisy on the Raft Date: 15.12.19 Involved: Alex Danvers and Daisy Johnson @shakeandquake Mentioned: Robbie Reyes @vengeancedemons, Kara Danvers @maidenxfmight Trigger warnings: death mention, violence mention, torture mention, suicidal ideation, kinda sad ig?

ALEX: She had gotten a call from a SHIELD agent, Piper or something, telling her Daisy had gotten arrested, she hadn't paid much attention after she was told Daisy was being sent to the raft, she'd thanked the agent for the heads up and hung up before much else could be said. She needed time to process this, but she didn't have time, she needed to get to the raft to see Daisy. Which wasn't an easy task but being the Director of a black ops government agency had its perks, that and some threatening with a stapler she was now on the way to the raft. From then it was only a few hours until she was face to face with Daisy. She wanted to yell at her for being so reckless and stupid and so many other things, but mostly she was relieved she was alive.

DAISY: Her arms were bound, wrapped up in a straight jacket -- Daisy didn’t know why but she wasn’t in a position where she could question it. The collar around her neck and her arms restrained so that if she had the idea to struggle... she couldn’t. Was it because May had trained her -- did they think that she would fight them at the first opportunity? Well, they were right to be worried. Daisy might have been in a place where she thought that this might be best for everyone on the planet... but the longer she spent on the Raft, the angrier she became.

 When the guard came in to collect Daisy, she wasn’t sure how much time had passed, how many days she had spent in isolation, or where they were taking her. They hadn’t let her out of her cell since arresting her, hadn’t let her talk to anyone, and Daisy wasn’t sure if being escorted to another room by two guards was a good thing or a preamble for something worse. 

But it was Alex waiting for her in the next room, and for a moment, a brief and fleeting moment, Daisy relaxed. Sitting down in the chair she was escorted to, Daisy offered Alex a weak smile. “You came -- I wasn’t sure if they’d let you but... I’m glad you’re here.”

ALEX: She wasn't sure what she had expected when the guards brought Daisy into the room but it wasn't this, she hated seeing Daisy like this but she didn't show it, keeping her facial expression neutral as she addressed the guards "you can wait outside, she's no threat to me like this" or at all but she left that part out. The guards seemed to want to argue but one look from Director Danvers had them thinking otherwise and left the two women alone. 

 Once the guards had left Alex took a seat across from Daisy, she wished there was something she could do, for now she simply offered her what she hoped was a reassuring smile. "I'm the director of the DEO, there's not a lot I can't do" it had taken some yelling and threatening but honestly that was just normal bureaucracy. "How are you feeling?"

DAISY: The two guards that were always with her -- Daisy thought they would have fought Alex harder, that they would have argued or doubled down on their need to be there... but they didn’t. And for however long that this face-to-face was going to be, Daisy didn’t have anyone hovering over her. But that didn’t mean they weren’t still being watched and recorded. Every inch of the room was being watched from the central room. Nothing got past the Warden, and Daisy knew that she needed to choose her words carefully.

 But when had Daisy ever done anything carefully? 

Huffing a laugh, Daisy nodded her head. “That’s exactly what I was counting on.” Daisy shifted in her seat as much as she could, her arms wrapped too tightly to move. “I’m feeling like...” I’m going to die here? Daisy swallowed her words and forced a smile. “It’s not the worst. I have dumb and dumber to keep me company all the time. They don’t talk to me though and the meals here are garbage, but you know, it could be worse.”

ALEX: Unfortunately her position as Director of the DEO had it limits to what she could get done, at least not on so short time. She maybe could have worked something out with a lot of arguing and threatening but it would have taken time, at least she got to see Daisy, even if it was like this. Right now there wasn't anything else she could do for Daisy though and she hated it. 

"I'll work on getting you out of here when I get back to the DEO" she wasn't going to leave Daisy here, she couldn't. Even back when she didn't have her memories and supported the Accords she'd been critical of the raft, having called it inhumane multiple times. "It's going to take time though, I don't know how much but... I'll find a way to fix this."

DAISY: There was a moment of hope, and Daisy wanted to lean into it. To believe that Alex could get her out of this -- but she wasn’t sure if that was possible. The DEO had pull but so did Fury Sr. So did SHIELD. But government agencies shadow boxing each other? That wasn’t new. (And if anyone had a chance to fix this shit storm, it was Alex.)

“I’m sorry,” she blurted out. “You shouldn’t even have to think about helping me -- I’m not your problem. And I don’t--” The words caught in Daisy’s throat, her eyes falling to the table as she shook her head. “Don’t stick your neck out for me. Don’t risk anything, okay? It’s not worth it.” I’m not worth it.

ALEX: She knew getting Daisy out of here wouldn't be easy, if she hadn't signed the Accords it might have been easier but since she had... it didn't matter though, Alex was going to do whatever it took to get Daisy out of this place. Maybe she could at least her transferred somewhere else until she figured something else out. She'd probably have to call in every favor she had but she didn't mind if it'd get Daisy out of here. 

"Daisy, of course I'm going to help you" she told her, not doing anything wasn't an option. "I have had part of my memory erased to protect someone I care about so, why don't you let me decide what's worth it to me and what isn't?"

DAISY: Swallowing, Daisy nodded her head. She knew that Alex would move heaven and earth - even if it wasn’t the smart thing to do... but because she felt it was the right thing to do. And Daisy knew that she couldn’t pull Alex away from that impulse, despite wanting to. “I’m sorry, I know... I just...” worry? It didn’t feel right on her tongue but it sounded right. Alex could take care of herself better than most people that Daisy knew, and still, despite that, Daisy was trying to shield her. 

“Hope you won’t have to go that far for me,” Daisy quipped, but the humor... it wasn’t quite there. She swallowed and forced herself to make eye contact with Alex. “How far are you willing to go on this?” Daisy’s ask wasn’t huge - not for the outsiders looking in, but she knew better than to openly talk about anyone who she considered family. It would be too easy for them to get dragged into this bullshit by their hair and Daisy was content to suffer alone if that was what it took. “There’s... someone I want to protect.”

ALEX: She gave Daisy a small smile, just because she had ended whatever was between them didn't mean they weren't still friends or that she didn't care anymore, it didn't mean she wouldn't do everything in her power to get Daisy out of this situation... even if that meant risking her job. It was worth it if it'd get Daisy out of this place. "Don't, I can handle myself and I will fix this." 

"Well, I'm not going to lie, this isn't going to be easy and I might have to go to some lengths, but I'll work on at least getting you transferred somewhere else first okay?" Maybe she could have her transferred to a DEO facility as Daisy technically was part alien, it was a long shot but it'd be worth trying at least. Seeing the look on Daisy's face when she asked how far she was willing to go Alex tapped her finger against her wrist, once, twice, three time. The light on the camera blinking three times let her know they could now speak freely for about a minute, longer and they risked someone figuring out their system had been tampered with. "I had one of my agents hack the security camera, anything you say in the next minute is between you and me only."

DAISY: “I know... I know.” Alex was one of the more capable people that Daisy knew. If anyone could figure out this mess, it was Alex. Daisy had broken the law and she had been stupid enough to be caught on camera, but Alex knew all that and yet she was sitting across from Daisy, saying things like she would get Daisy out. There was no if, no room for Alex to come back to Daisy and say it didn’t work out - Alex was determined. And what did Daisy do to deserve a friend like this? 

“A transfer is a step,” Daisy said, nodding her head slightly. Wasn’t the leap that Daisy wanted, but being in an underwater facility and treated like an animal? Anywhere had to be better than here. One minute. Daisy nodded her head and started talking immediately. “There was a duffle bag in my apartment if they took it for evidence - if you can’t get me out of here at least grab the bag from them. It has a picture of me and my brother when we were kids. No names but, I don’t want them going after him. If you can save it - I would be grateful. But if you can’t, then destroy it.” Not that anyone would know what they meant to each other at first glance, but if people dug (and she knew that SHIELD would) they’d find Matt Murdock.

ALEX: She didn't know how long it'd take, how many favors she'd have to call in or of she'd had to break any laws, she didn't know any of that. What she did know was that no matter what she was going to find a way to get Daisy out of this mess, then she was going to yell at her for getting into this mess in the first place, but that was for when she was out of this place, she could yell then, now she focused on reassuring Daisy she was not alone and that she would fix this.

"It's not much, but at least it would get you out of here" if she managed to have Daisy transferred to a DEO facility or anywhere other than the raft she wouldn't have to worry about Daisy in this inhumane place and she could put all her focus on getting released. "I'll get the photo" maybe she could ask Kara to get it for her if she couldn't get it herself, she didn't want to ask Kara unless she had to though.

DAISY: “It’s something, and... that means something.” Anything would be an improvement over this. But hope... Daisy wasn’t sure she wanted any of it. It might be something that would get her through the next few weeks - or months - but eventually? Eventually, hope would only hurt. Eventually, hope would become a poison. The picture was the last meaningful thing that Daisy had to her past. She didn’t have pictures of her mother or any with her father - Cal was alive but he didn’t know who she was. But Matt? Matt was alive and in the city and if she could spare one person from the destruction left in her wake, it would be him. “Thank you,” Daisy breathed.

ALEX: She could probably call in a favor for the transfer, but she might have to call in every favor to actually get Daisy released, and she would if that's what it took but first she was going to try to do it through politics and bureaucracy. Hopefully that would be enough and she wouldn't have to resort to threats and violence. "Of course" Alex replied with a small smile, there was little Daisy could ask her to do that she wouldn't. "I need something from you though, while the camera is still off. Who is Ghost Rider?"

DAISY: Who is Ghost Rider? Daisy felt her stomach flip at the question. “You couldn’t pick an easy one, huh?” Daisy said as casually as she could, forcing a smile that fell within seconds. Alex was taking a risk to help protect Matt, and she took a risk coming to visit Daisy here of all places. The truth was the least that she owed Alex. “His name is Robbie Reyes,” Daisy said lowly. She wasn’t sure how much to tell Alex - admit to ruining his life? She knew him for a week at most and had completely imploded his life in the time she knew him. Tore apart his relationship with his brother, forced him to face Eli, and brought SHIELD to his doorstep. “He’s been legally dead for two and a half years, give or take... I might... have ruined his life.”

ALEX: Robbie Reyes, legally dead Alex made note of the information she was given, she might not have any use for it but it was nice to have just in case. She knew they didn't have a lot of time before the camera was functional again, she wished they could have more time talking without being worried about what they said, but much longer and there was a risk of the tampering being discovered as something more than just a malfunction. "I seriously doubt that" she said, then taking advantage of the last seconds without surveillance she leaned forward and reached her hand out to place it against Daisy's cheek "I promise you, I'll do whatever it takes to get you out of here" she held her hand there a few more seconds before the camera blinked and she sat back again before the cameras were functioning again.

DAISY: Swallowing, Daisy shook her head. Gabe was in foster care because Robbie had died, his life wouldn’t have unraveled if she had never gotten involved - but she stopped herself from arguing. From trying to explain all the ways in which Daisy Johnson fucked Robbie Reyes’s life. Alex touched Daisy’s cheek and in that moment, Daisy had something soft to carry her through the Raft. Something to keep her from unraveling completely. (Something to remind her that she was real and human still.) “Be safe.” Was all Daisy could say before the red light on the camera flickered back to life. 

The guards came in and pulled Daisy to her feet immediately, informing both Daisy and Alex that their visit was over. (They didn’t say why, but Daisy was sure it was because of the camera feed.) As they pulled her towards the door, Daisy struggled in their grip, trying to get a better look at Alex. “Don’t do anything stupid - just - be safe.”

[thepuckishrogue]

Javier Escuella x F!Reader in: What You Want, What You Need

MINORS/AGELESS BLOGS DO NOT INTERACT || 18+ ONLY ||

|| ao3 version | gn!reader | m!reader ||

|| javier m.list | rdr m.list | writing blog ||

↠ Requested By: The absolutely unreal levels of thirst I have for this man ↠ Reader Gender: Female ↠ Content Type: So very NSFW ((is2g, if I see any minors interacting with my stuff it’s ~on sight~)) ↠ Chronology: In the here and now because it’s a Modern AU ↠ CWs/TWs: There a lot, but the biggest are mild exhibitionism, m!dom/sub dynamics, rough treatment/sex (Reader receiving), jealous Javier (but make it non-toxic), light choking (Reader receiving), and orgasm denial/control (Reader receiving). For a complete and more detailed listing see the note below the cut. And if I missed anything, please let me know!! ↠ Betas? Lmaoooooo… ↠ Total WC: 6.6k~

“Oh fuck you, Escuella.” “You’d best watch that mouth of yours, mi amor. Just because daddy-dearest can’t take you over his knee anymore doesn’t mean your papi won’t.”

A Modern AU in which you take your teasing a little too far at a friend’s party. In return Javier will make sure that you get what you deserve before you get what you need.

He’s using papi SARCASTICALLY ffs lmao

‼ PLEASE NOTE THAT I AM NO LONGER POSTING NEW WORKS TO THIS ACCOUNT ‼

The only reason I’m putting the GN version on here is because it doesn’t make sense to break them up. If you want to keep up with my work, head over to my writing blog, linked above. ((that’s where the link for my rdr m.list will take you, btw))

Anyways! I gave this story a bit of a face lift—not just visually, but also content-wise. My writing’s come a long way since I first posted this, and I decided to edit it to reflect the change in quality. I definitely think it’s worth giving another read if you haven’t done so in a while and-or want an improved experience.

Also! I’m trying something new, as far as translations go. Instead of having them all at the top of the post, they’re now directly under the paragraph they appear in. Imo this makes for an easier read, but if it’s having the opposite effect let me know; if enough people are having problems with it I’ll go back to the old format.

((also, also—I’m naught but a basic ass English speaker and thusly all translations are still internet-sourced, so if they’re wrong please refrain from coming for me lol))

💦 Tags: Reader uses she/her pronouns || Reader has female anatomy || Reader is POC friendly || M!dom/sub dynamics (with Reader being a low-key bratty sub until they sweeten up) || public teasing, but make it ~sexy~ (Javi receiving) || fingering (Reader receiving) || orgasm denial (Reader receiving) || penetrative sex (Reader receiving) || rough treatment/sex (tho not overly so) || one SARCASTIC use of “daddy/papi” || lots of pet names (including that “good girl” type beat, Reader receiving) || Reader purposefully making Javi jealous (in a playful, non-toxic way lol) || Sadie is an accomplice in the aforementioned foolishness (there’s an… implied understanding there*) || ((also if f/f stuff isn’t your thing skip that bit, ig?? lol)) || naturally that means there’s a certain level of exhibitionism but it’s all R-rated stuff || arm binding via a scarf (Reader receiving) || light choking (Reader receiving) || lots of praise (Reader receiving b/c that’s Javi’s jam) || voice kink stuff (goes both ways) || ((write that off to OP being a self-indulgent shit once again lol)) || orgasm control (Reader receiving)

*So basically after fucking around Reader finds out that Javi’s not one to be teased after he winds them up only to leave them wanting. Reader, wanting to get back at him for not finishing the job, utilizes one of their mutual friends (Sadie) to stoke a little jealousy, but I swear it’s not as toxic as it sounds lmao. It’s less about actually making him jealous and more about fraying his ironclad sense of control by triggering his possessive streak… Which, okay, still sounds bad I suppose, but there’s being possessive and then there’s being possessive in a hella toxic way; Javi is the latter. What’s more it’s implied that the three of them have an understanding of sorts, so it’s all in good fun.

“Is this what you wanted, mi amor?” ((my love))

Yes, your body screams as his fingers work against your cunt, the drag of his callouses creating a delicious friction with every pass over the swollen nub nestled above your soaked folds. Your hands grip at his shoulders, hard and nearly tight enough to bruise, as you grind into his touch.

You know you must look thoroughly debauched right now—head thrown back to expose more of your neck to his care, lips slightly parted under pants and half-formed curses, skin flushed and sweat-slick, and eyelids weighed down by the weight of your lust—and that’s saying nothing of the state of your clothes. Items have been hastily tugged and rearranged to get the most needed parts exposed in the quickest amount of time possible. You clearly look like you’re in the process of being ravished, but Javier…

The man couldn’t be more put together if he tried.

There’s not a hair out of place, and despite the desperate hold you have on his shirt, the damn thing hasn’t even so much as wrinkled. The only sign that he’s even the least bit affected by all of this is the bulge in his pants and the desire that darkens his gaze, but you suppose that’s to be expected. If he wasn’t so damnably good at keeping his composure you wouldn’t have bothered with doing the things that have led you to this moment.

An ‘accidental’ brush of your fingers against his crotch, whispered filth as you casually rested your weight against his back, the instant transformation of a simple spoon into something far more erotic once it passed your lips—nothing was off limits, not when you were so hell-bent on breaking him. It’s all consensual, this game the two of you play. Sometimes the teasing is mutual, other times it skews a bit more against one of you, but the end goal is always the same: to bring the other so close to the edge that they willingly hurl themselves over it.

Today’s party had been the perfect excuse to indulge in a bit of play, and your man had been all too willingly to serve himself up as prey. This, of course, was due to the fact that he was more than confident in his victory. The thrill of the challenge was the only thing that gave the get-together any allure; sure, Karen and Sean do hold the crown for best house parties in your friend group, but you’re not always sure that they’re worth the (usually hangover induced) headache.

You’d brought you’re A-game, starting with wearing an ensemble that you know he couldn’t resist. His mind had clearly gone blank when you first emerged from the bedroom, though he quickly rearranged his face into something cavalier before telling you to “–get your cute ass in the car so we can get gone.” Your fingers played along the inseam of his pants for the entire length of the ride, but aside from an initial arching of his brow he was annoyingly nonplussed. You had stepped things up considerably once you were inside, but despite essentially giving a plastic spoon a blowie (just out of view of an unsuspecting Arthur and Lenny) the man hadn’t done so much as smirk in your direction.

After a good twenty minutes got you nothing but an ache between your own thighs you finally gave up and decided to try to enjoy the party. With a cup of something mixed and fruity in hand you headed off to join your friends, but before you could make your way into the living room a familiar hand was curling itself around your arm and dragging you off in the opposite direction.

It just fucking figures that being ignored would be the back-breaking straw. You would’ve been mad at it if it wasn’t gonna result in yours getting blown out.

Neither of you said anything as Javier led your deeper into the house, not that there was much to say anyway. It was pretty damn obvious from the set of his jaw and the hunger in his eyes that you had won, and it could never be said that you weren’t a gracious winner …self-satisfied smirk notwithstanding.

His lips were on yours before the door had even fully shut behind you. You had laughed a bit at his eagerness, but the taunting sound soon morphed into a moan when your back slammed into the wall just beside the thing. Hands found your hip and dug in as he grinded his clothed cock against your center. It was only once you were a panting mess that he finally, finally dipped his fingers past the band of your panties; the wetness that poured over his fingers elected a groan that was nothing short of orgasmic. Things had moved quickly from there, and the rest…

“I said—‘is this what you wanted?’”

The words are growled against your ear, though the harsh pant of the breaths that follow travel downwards until he’s nipping at the corner of your jaw. A broken mewl pushes past your lips at its sting, and though the sound leaves him shuddering against you, it’s clearly not enough to sate him. His free hand connects with your ass in a resounding slap, one that while not overly hard is still enough weaken your knees considerably.

“Yes,” you groan out, the word catching in your throat as two talented digits finally slip inside you. “Fuck! Javi, yesss…”

Hot, bothered, and more than a little desperate you rut against his hand with hard little jerks. Your borderline frantic movements and needy little sounds leave him chuckling darkly as he fucks his fingers into you with practiced ease. His tone is condescending as hell as he pulls more and more out of you with lascivious words murmured in a husky timbre. He’s playing you like a goddamn fiddle, but you don’t care, can’t care—about this or anything else that’s not your impending release.

“Baby, I need, fuck, I need–”

“Shhh, I know.”

And you don’t know how he knows, just that somehow he always, impossibly does, and now is no exception. A few readjustments and he’s hoisting your leg over his arm so that he can get in deeper and you damn near scream at the feeling. His eyes flicker with a familiar mischief as he rubs at the velvet of your walls, fingers searching for that one spot that he knows will leave you babbling as you gush into his palm.

“Careful now, hermosa, you don’t want them to hear us—Joder! Babe, that’s a tight fuckin’ grip, and that moan… You like that, huh? You like the thought of them hearing what I do to you? Hmm, mi chica traviesa?” You try to look away, but when the hand that’s working between your legs stops completely you know that the bashful act’s not going to fly tonight. ((beautiful || fuck || my naughty girl))

You know what he wants—an answer to a question, that if he were less petty, he wouldn’t expect a real reply to—just as you likewise know that he won’t start again until he gets what he wants. And so you take a shaky approximation of a breath before managing to stutter out, “J-just… returning the favor.”

Laughing, he takes your meaning instantly. With as many times as you’ve been forced to listen to Karen and Sean go at it on various occasions, it does only seem fair. Of course, your reply is more copout than actual answer, but thankfully he lets it go. For now. You’ll definitely be talking about this again at some point in the future—probably later on tonight, actually—but for right now he’s content enough to go back to ruining you with his deft fingers.

You’ve always been fascinated by Javier’s hands. They’re slightly larger than what you would expect from a man his size, and yet somehow they don’t seem out of proportion to his body. They hold so much potential, both to create and to destroy—a point that is mirrored in the tattoos and scars that cover the dusk of his skin. You love to see them in motion, whether he’s doing something as mundane as tuning his guitar or something more perilous like playing with one of his many knives; the former is a particular point of fascination as you cannot help but to wonder if the skill transfers over to more carnal activities. The way his stroking thumb works in time with the bob of his fingers into your heat you’re inclined to say that yes, yes it does.

And his mouth…

Holy fuck, his mouth.

It doesn’t matter where it is he’s kissing you, having his lips pressed against you skin is always enough to leave you weak. Warm and pillow soft, they glide up the column of your neck only to pepper themselves over your jaw and cheeks. He avoids your lips for now, not wanting to stifle any of the pretty noises you’re making for him. In this moment his only goal is to see you coming undone, and under his touch you’re a rapidly fraying thread. As you edge closer to your bliss your voice scales higher, louder, as any lingering worries about being overheard are vaulted clean out of your head.

Javier is loving every minute of this, you know he is, but—“If you can’t be quiet I will shove those panties in your mouth, amor.”

“Oh my god.”

The throb your cunt gives is almost painful in its intensity as you imagine him making good on his word before bending you over and absolutely ruining you, and you have to wonder just what this man has done to you. You were never this damn kinky before—or maybe you’ve always been a closet freak—either way since getting with Javi you have been turned completely out, and you’re not even mad about it, honestly. What you can do without, however, is his smug little laugh. Like yeah, he totally has a right to it, wrecking you the way he is, but still. Any saltiness you feel is quickly forgotten as the spooled pleasure in your stomach wrings itself tighter. Your bodies work in tandem creating the perfect rhythm, so fucking perfect, and you’re so fucking close, just a little more and then—and then he’s pulling away?

What?

“Nooo! Javier, why–”

“Orgasms are for good girls,” he tells you simply as he slips his arm from under your leg.

“You cannot be serious right now.”

But looking at him you know he is. Honestly you should’ve been expecting something like this—you had been teasing him for nearly twenty minutes before this all began—but you’d thought that your punishment was going to come in the form of him gagging you with his dick before fucking you until you screamed. But this… Well this is the other side of the coin that you’d forgotten to consider. Yes, he’s hard and yes, he wants this just as badly as you, but Javier’s more than willing to deny his own needs if it means winning this little game of yours. He’s petty like that, and what’s more he has the will to see it through.

Well fine then, you think with a pouty twist of your lips. If he wants to be that way I’ll just finish myself off and–

Fingers close tightly around your wrist before you can properly touch yourself. “What did I just say, chiquita?” ((little girl))

“And who are you to tell me what I can and cannot do to and with my own body?” you ask with an arch of your brow. The bite of your words would be more effective, you’re sure, if they weren’t so damn breathy, but there’s little for that.

“Oh, mi amor,” he starts with a chuckle as he pins your hand to the wall beside your head, “you know exactly who I am.” He kisses you then, long and deep, and you find yourself melting under it despite your annoyance.

Damn this man and his silver everything! The thought drags its way through your sex-addled brain as your free hand twists itself in his shirt, though whether the action will lead to you pushing him away or pulling him closer you’re not sure yet, and before you can decide he’s breaking the kiss.

“Get dressed, bonita, we’ve got a party to get back to,” he breathes against your lips before pecking at them again. ((beautiful))

“You can at least let me clean up some–”

He shakes his head as he pulls away from you. “No, I don’t think so. I want you just like this, baby—all slick and wet and wanting. I want you aching just as much as I am. It’s only fair, after all.”

Eyeing the bulge that’s seriously testing the tensile strength of his zipper you’re almost inclined to agree, but whereas his erection will eventually take the hint and fuck off, your panties will be damp and sticking to you until you remove them. When you tell him as much he just shrugs. “Should’ve thought about that before you decided to play this game, babe.”

Pouting at him gets you nowhere, so you end up doing as you’re told; it’s not like he’s going to let you do anything else. Between the two of you your clothes are quickly set back to rights—well mostly. Thanks to the hasty tugging of your prior urgency your clothes aren’t hanging like they’re supposed to, and won’t be again until they’ve been washed and re-ironed, but there’s nothing to be done about that in the now.

You’re left to silently lament the fact that you’re about to take a mini walk of shame that hasn’t been entirely earned since you didn’t actually get any. Cutting your eyes over at the reason you’re in such a state you find that, aside from his very obvious arousal, the fucker looks as put together as ever.

“You suck, you know that?”

He snorts as he snakes an arm around your waist, guiding you towards the door. “Actually that would be you, sweetheart.”

“Oh fuck you, Escuella.”

“You’d best watch that mouth of yours, mi amor. Just because daddy-dearest can’t take you over his knee anymore doesn’t mean your papi won’t.”

“Promises, promises,” you snark back, though there’s no denying the longing seated in your words.

His only reply is a dark little chuckle that leaves your pussy throbbing with want, and the sheer amount of moisture that’s been left behind means that squeezing your thighs together won’t create enough friction to net you even the smallest bit of relief. Every step you take is torture and you know that sitting down is gonna be a whole hell of a lot worse. Your night is destined to be a long one—or is it?

A plan starts to come together in your mind as you spy Sadie and the rest of the ladies all lounging about in the living room.

“Well if we’re just gonna stay…” You let the sentence trail off as you nod towards the group.

“Of course,” he says, shit-eating grin well in place. “Have fun, babydoll.”

“Oh, I will.”

“Is this seat taken?”

Sadie takes in your devious expression with an arched brow. Everything, from the sharpness of your grin to tilt of your head and the impish sparkle in your eyes, screams trouble. Luckily for you Sadie’s never been one to shy away from strife of any sort, so when you wink down at her while mouthing for her to “play along” she accedes with a smirk of her own.

Instead of sitting in the space she’s made for you, you choose instead to plop yourself down directly into her lap. This in itself isn’t really all that big of a deal; you’re a close-knit group over all, with some being… closer than others. This is why when you start to squirm about in her lap she doesn’t so much as blink. At first she thinks you’re just trying to get comfortable, but once you plant yourself more firmly against her thigh and begin to rock your hips, well…

The blonde’s not exactly sure who you’re trying to work up more, her or your man—or hell, maybe this is solely for your own pleasure, as the smoothness of your glide tells her that you’re absolutely drenched. Either way she’s willing to go along for this most literal of rides. With a hand curved firmly against your hip she helps to guide your movements, though it’s hardly needed; you alternate between shifting from side to side and a subtle grind that leaves your movements stuttering and your breath quickening. She can feel the heat of you even through your layers, with every pass over her bare thigh leaving the skin there damper than the one before it. Sadie can feel her own interest starting to stir, but not knowing how far you plan on taking this she keeps it banked for now.

Meanwhile the party carries on around you, with the pair of you even trading a bit of conversation with the others. It says something about the state of your friend group, Sadie thinks, that nobody’s balking at the display. Aside from a few knowing chuckles and amused looks, everybody goes about their business. All things considered, it’s an unsurprising turn of events given the little show you’d been putting on earlier. If she had to guess, Javier had returned the favor by working you up only to deny you the release you were so clearly looking for. This is just the next stage of the game for you, but she doesn’t mind helping you out a bit–

After all, it’s not the first time all three of you have played around like this, and certainly isn’t the most… involved she’s been in matters.

She has no idea where Javier is during all of this, but knowing him she’s sure that he’ll turn up soner rather than later. And he does, naturally, with an expression that asks his lady if she’s serious. Were he (or any of them, for that matter) anyone else, this would probably be when things got tense—and they do, but not in the expected way. The heat in the man’s eyes doesn’t speak to a feeling of jealousy or betrayal, but rather want. He extends a hand to you that’s accepted with a self-satisfied smirk, and once you’re in his arms proper you’re quick to mold yourself against his side. Javier whispers something in your ear that leaves you shivering before speaking at a volume that’s meant to be heard by all.

“Thank Sadie for the ride, amor.”

You do as you’re told with a demureness that doesn’t suit all that you’ve done tonight, but looks good on you just the same.

“Anytime, darlin’,” she replies with a lazy grin and a wink. She turns inquiring eyes on the man at your side then, meeting his molten gaze with hooded eyes that says she’s up for a bit more fun if he is.

There’s an interest there to be sure, but the possessive way he holds you to him says that he wants you all to himself tonight, and that’s fair enough and more than fine by her. Sadie hits him with a head nod that’s returned before the pair of you say your goodbyes to the rest of the group.

Abigail watches you go with an amused shake of her head. “They gon’ fuck,” she comments to no one in particular after a long pull of whatever the fuck Sean’s trying to pass off as a proper drink.

A collective “Mmhmm” rises up from the rest of the women.

“She’ll be walking with a limp tomorrow, for sure,” Karen says with a snort. “Lucky bitch.”

“Mmmhmmm.”

“Is this what you wanted, mi amor?”

Javier’s thrusts can only be described as punishing, more so due to depth and force than speed. Your body jolts forwards with every snap of his hips, but the firm hold he has on the scarf that binds your arms keeps you from going too far—not that you want to be anywhere else but here, completely laid bare and at the mercy of the man at your back. The word ‘mercy’ used very loosely here as he is being absolutely ruthless and you’re loving every second of it.

Face down and ass up, he’s had you bent over the desk from nearly the moment you stepped into your bedroom, only stopping long enough to tie your arms behind your back. In all honesty you’re pretty sure this is the true reason he pushed so hard for its inclusion in the room—there’s definitely more appropriate spaces for it—but whatever. It’s not like you can complain when it gets such frequent use.

So yes, this exactly what you want, what you need…

“I asked you a question, baby, and I expect an answer,” he continues on in a low, demanding tone.

You try to reply, you swear you do, but whatever it is you manage to slur out between moans isn’t an adequate enough reply. Javier’s voice drops to something just above a true whisper as he leans more fully against you—close enough that you swear you can feel the beat of his heart against your back, close enough to feel the pant of his breath ghosting over your skin—with the sinuous roll of his hips slowing further.

“Forgot how to use your words already?” he tsks against the shell of your ear. “That’s okay, cariño. I know you wanna be good for me, so I’m gonna help you out…” Taking your confused sounding whimper for the question it is he chuckles before saying, “How? It’s easy—Imma fuck the answer out of you.” ((sweetie))

Before you can fully process his words he’s unwinding his hand from the cloth, pulling back, and pounding into you quick and hard. The feeling has you gasping out his name followed by a babbled yes-yes-YES that leaves him growling out his approval. He calls you his good girl then and the small bit of praise makes your brain fizz as your body reacts on instinct. Eager hips throw themselves back to meet his thrusts; though your positioning doesn’t really allow for much traction your efforts do earn you a few moans and curses of approval, at least.

“Mierda. Look at you. You like being fucked hard, huh? Like me taking you like this?” The words are little more than a rumble with how low his voice has dropped, and the change in timbre leaves you clenching up around him more. “Fuuck babe—that’s it, that’s… Fuck. Yeah, you love this shit. That why you were being such a little tease, yeah? Did you want me to fuck you ‘til you remember who you belong to?” ((shit))

He doesn’t give you a chance to answer this time, choosing instead to take your jaw in hand. His grip is just this side of bruising and well at odds with the gentle way his thumb strokes over your bottom lip. Your tongue snakes out mindlessly to flick at its calloused pad and you hum at the slightly salty taste of his skin. Javier hisses out a curse as you continue to lave over the digit, and you can practically feel his narrow-eyed stare from where it’s sure to be drilling into the back of your skull. Unwilling to relinquish even the least bit of control just yet, his palm slides downwards until it’s resting firmly against your neck. Long fingers easily encase the column, and while he doesn’t squeeze nearly as hard as he had been before there is a definite and steady pressure there. You know he’d sooner hurt himself before he would ever risk truly hurting you, but there’s still something undeniably alluring about feeling like you’re on the edge of something so dark and dangerous.

Your moan is slightly strangled as you lean more heavily into his hand, with your cunt giving an especially hard throb as the oxygen vacates your lungs. In turn Javi grunts at the sensation even as his fingers squeeze just that little bit tighter, and in that moment you’re sure that a death of a different kind is close at hand. Spanish is falling from his lips much faster than your addled mind can ever hope to translate, but when he does finally switch back over to English he’s hardly saying anything you want to hear.

“What?” He gives a particularly hard thrust as you croak out the word, leaving you to damn near choke on it.

“You heard me, chica—don’t. You. Cum. After the shit you pulled tonight did you honestly think I was gonna let you cum so easily?”

Your replying whine is pitiful indeed, not that you actually expect to receive any sort of reprieve at this point. Still, that doesn’t stop you from looking over your shoulder and giving him your best pout. For his part your man mimics your expression, giving your neck a few soothing strokes before allowing his lips to pull off into a devious little smirk.

“Aww, look at you. There’s no need for all that, baby, I’m gonna give you what you want—not that you’ve actually earned it, not yet. You’ve been especially bratty lately; playing all these games, teasing me… I can’t just let that shit slide, so here’s how this is going to work: I’m gonna keep fuckin’ you good ‘n’ hard ‘n’ deep, and you’re gonna take it for as long as I say. When I decide that you’ve learned your lesson I’ll let you cum, and if you go over the edge before then there will be consequences.”

And you know he’s as good as his word.

Despite him saying all of this between pants, sharp curses, and a few breathy moans there’s no way in hell you actually stand a chance of outlasting him. Even if his stamina wasn’t god-tier and his will just as solid, pure pettiness would see him holding out if it meant keeping you on the edge. And as for those ‘consequences’, you cannot even begin to guess at what they may be, but a part of you really, really wants to find out. You’re positive you’ll enjoy it—maybe not as much as him, but you’ll still have your fun.

Before you can make up your mind about whether or not your defiance would be worth it, his hand is leaving your neck to hold your hip steady. You gasp slightly, already lamenting the loss of pressure, only to have the breath knocked out of you by his next thrust. The force of it sends you reeling, with the only thing keeping you from face-planting being the hold your man has on you. Instead your sweat-slicked body is shoved further up the desk in a move that would’ve been extremely uncomfortable if you weren’t already so gone.

Wanting a bit more agency, Javi grabs up the length of cloth that dangles between you; his movements do not falter as he shores up his grip with a few twisting motions before pushing into you again and again and again. He sets up a brutal pace that sees his hip bones digging into the plush of your ass and his balls slapping against your clit with every forward push. This is the only bit of attention that the little bud has received since leaving the party and you damn near sob at the brief flashes of stimulation.

You’re not even sure what nonsense is pouring out of your mouth at this point, but if its anything like the disjointed garble that’s currently floating around in your skull then it’s one flaming wreck of a mess. You can hardly go by Javier’s reaction as you’re pretty sure that you could be singing lullabies and he’d still be into it. He just loves to hear you—it doesn’t particularly matter what sounds you’re making so long as he knows they’re a result of the pleasure he’s bring you. You’re much the same honestly, though listening to him turn the velvety syllables of his native tongue into growls and groans in the heat of his passion is its own type of torture. His voice is already an aphrodisiac in its own right, but when he’s fallen as deeply into his lust as he has into you it becomes something otherworldly.

Your man’s words slowly begin to shift from admonishments for you earlier behavior into praise for “–taking your cock like una buena niña,” and you can only hope that means that you’ll get what you need sooner rather than later. ((a good little girl))

Time stops making sense as he continues to take you. You’re both hyperaware of its passage and not, with seconds impossibly feeling like hours, but the minutes they bleed into hardly even registers. Your need for release becomes this all-encompassing thing that dictates your every move, breath, and thought. It creates a thrumming want that invades all of your senses until there’s nothing outside of it. Even Javi’s voice becomes little more than a cluster of sounds that you’re just barely able to perceive, though one phrase breaks through the haze every time he says it:

“Don’t you cum, chica.”

His words are both boon and bane.

They’re the only bit of sense to be found in the symphony of needy sounds and hammering hearts and the repetitive meeting of flesh, and yet at the same time they are the very chains that hold you back from the one thing you need most. Your body is demanding, screaming, begging for this to end one way or another, and soon. You’re sure that each new thrust will bring about your end, and yet you hold yourself back even as your legs shake from exertion and your arms ache from the strain. Those four words will not allow you to do any less.

When the tension in your arms lessens you honestly think the limbs have finally gone numb, but then you’re being pulled up against Javier’s hard chest and you realize he actually let go of the scarf. The jarring pace he’d been keeping up slows to a gentle roll that makes you grind into him with a desperate whimper before he stills his hips altogether. His lack of movement has you rutting against him like some crazed thing, but the only thing this nets you is a throaty chuckle that makes you throb all the more.

“Tan ansioso,” he breathes against your ear as well-toned arms pin you flush against an equally muscled chest. This leaves you unable to do anything more than whine, much to your annoyance and his continued amusement. “You really want to cum, don’t you?” ((so eager))

“Fuck! Javi, you know I do–”

“Then say the word, mi corazón.” ((sweetheart))

“Please.”

“‘Please’, what?”

“Please let me cum.”

The moan he lets out at your words comes from somewhere deep in his gut making you shivering with your want. The only thing better than hearing him make such deliciously wicked sounds is knowing that you’re their cause. He’s always so quick to tell you that he’s the only one that can make you feel the way that you do—and it’s true, he definitely gotten you addicted to his particular brand of carnality, but it’s fine since you know it goes both ways.

Javier presses a sloppy, open mouthed kiss to your nape before nipping the skin there. “So good,” he purrs as his left hand snakes up to caress one of your breasts. “Una chica tan buena para mí.” ((such a good girl for me))

He rolls the pert little nub between pinched fingers before spreading out to give the soft flesh around it a firm squeeze that sets your hips to wiggling again. Unfortunately the movement does little for either of you aside from frustrating you further.

“There you go, teasing me again.”

“‘M not trying to,” you tell him, “just wanna feel good—wanna make us both feel good…”

Your trailing sigh turns into a moan when he thrust against you again. The movement is spastic, an involuntary response to the way that your walls flutter around him. He swears lowly before releasing you completely and pulling out; the sensation of his thick cock leaving you is good for all of two seconds before you realize that he’s not pushing back into you. For one panicked moment you think that he’s going to leave you tied up and aching, but before you can even form the first syllable of your plea he’s freeing your arms and turning you to face him. It’s the first time you’ve gotten a clear look at him since being bent over the desk and you’re pleased to find that he looks just as much of a mess as you do. Hair mussed, lips parted ever so enticingly, cheeks flushed, and dewy skin glistening so prettily under the warm-hued lights—he’s sex personified in this moment and the sight somehow makes you burn for him all the more.

Javier is drinking you in just as readily, being, as always, especially taken with your mouth. Heavily lidded eyes track your lips movements as you wet them, and when you bite into the plush skin he lets out a shuddering breath. A muttered “Fuck” is all the warning you get before his lips are crashing into yours; the curve of either of your hips is soon covered by two warm palms that pull you flush into his own. The heat of his cock is like a firebrand between you, and the press of it against your skin has you instinctively writhing against it.

Your movements leave him shivering as he exhales harshly—the first sign that his self-control is starting to slip.

“Get on the bed, mi amor—wanna look in your eyes while I fuck you, wanna see you fall apart…” He breathes the words against your lips before taking the bottom one between his teeth just as you had a moment ago. The sting of his bite is soothed away by a swipe of his tongue before he’s kissing you again.

Somehow he has enough presence of mind to get you both moving and soon you feel something solid, yet yielding hitting the back of your legs. You’re just wobbly enough for the disturbance to take you off of your feet and Javier readily follows you down. So close to the one thing you both want, need, the kisses grow sloppier and more hurried. It takes a few moments for you both to get into a more settled position, but as soon as you do he’s pushing into you completely with one long stroke.

Your breath catches at the feeling of being full once again while he lets out a sound that’s half contented sigh, half growl, with the latter completely overtaking the former when you roll your hips up to meet his. The pace he sets is far less grueling than it had been when he was taking you from behind, but it’s no less maddening for the change. Long, deep strokes end with a languid snap that has him hitting something inside of you that leaves you damn near sobbing every time. It doesn’t take long for you to get back to that same level of torturous pleasure that you’d been drowning in minutes before and soon you’re clawing at his back and calling out his name like it’s the only word left in your lexicon.

All the while your eyes are locked with one another’s, mostly at his insistence. When he said that he wanted to see you fall apart he meant it; a firm hand against the right side of your face keeps you from turning away while tutting words part your lids whenever they flutter shut for longer than a few seconds.

“You’re doing so well, mi amor, so good,” he tells you. His words are slightly slurred and you know he’s just as drunk on you as you are on him. The thought leaves your walls clenching and he hisses at the added tightness. His pace quickens as he drops his head down into the space between your shoulder and your neck. Kisses, nips, and sucks carve a path upwards until the warmth of his breath is ghosting over your ear. “Touch yourself for me.”

It’s an order that you’re all too happy to follow.

Your fingers quickly find the swollen pearl and you can only hope that the whole ‘no cumming until I say so’ thing is no longer in effect because if not you are in so much trouble. With everything going on you’re only gonna be able to last about a literal minute and that’s being hella generous and rounding way up, honestly. Javier knows this, knows you and your body damn near better than you do some days. He sees it in the way your eyes glint with desperation, can feel it in the way your whole body tenses just so, can hear it in the pant of breaths that come quicker, shallow. Part of you worries that he’ll drag things out just to punish you further—or worse yet, leave you wound up and wanting—but a bigger part of you knows he’s not that cruel. Javier always makes sure to give you what you need and right now you need to cum, badly, and so does he if the fevered look in his eyes is anything to go by.

“Yes, babe, yes. Just like that, fuck me back—Joder! Tan buena…” His muttered praises become more and more scattered as his hips begin to meet yours faster and faster until— ((fuck! so good))

“Do it for me, mi amor. Cum.”

Your body doesn’t hesitate to follow the simple command, and the orgasm that rocks your frame is almost blinding in its intensity. A wordless cry rips itself from your throat as bliss—white-hot and all-consuming—skitters across your every nerve setting them alight. All the while you hold on to the man that still hovers above you as if he’s the only thing tethering you to this plane, and for all you know he is. After all, you’re pretty sure that one cannot experience something so world-shattering as this and not ascend to some higher form of consciousness, if only for a moment.

For his part, Javier shudders and bucks his way through his own release just as you’re coming to the end of yours. Your nails follow the length of his spine as you watch him fall apart—eyes pinched shut, chest heaving, lips parted under hard pants—he rarely looks more beautiful than when he’s cumming and the sight is one that you’re positive you’ll never get tired of seeing.

Kisses are traded between shaky breaths as you both work your way through the last of the aftershocks. They’re sweet, lingering things that are seemingly at odds with everything that preceded them—only not really as he always like this once your games have come to their end. All loved up, he like to keep you close so that he can dote on you as much as you’ll allow him to. Feeling safe, warm, and sated, gentle strokes of his hands against your cooling flesh and murmured declarations of love are the lullaby that sees you drifting off into slumber.

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