#and it was so very bittersweet bc the whole time I was just wondering What Happened?

[infartoomanyfandoms]

.

[oodlyenough]

dw empire of death

spoilers ofc

hm. like many RTD finales, a bit of a mixed bag. i feel less certain of my overall thoughts than last week (which i thought was a blast, tbh).

the good: i'm... pretty happy with the ruby mom reveal. this whole mystery box set up turning out to be "she was just a scared young woman who couldn't raise her baby", an ordinary woman mythologized by ruby and the doctor over the season, etc, is an extremely RTD solution. and as a fan of his stuff I liked seeing that... well... pivot to his roots as opposed to her being part of the pantheon or something (which I admit I did wonder about myself).

the *idea* of her pointing at the sign to name the baby is nice, I like the meaning of it and what Ruby takes from it, but it is a bit of a clumsy set up. very dramatic pointing, ms miller.

also as much as i was dying to see what the screen said lol i DID love the character moment of ruby stepping forward to offer the name to sutekh, only to smash it, and then clip his collar (lmfao btw). i thought that was a nice character moment for ruby. in that moment i thought perhaps we'd never find out the answer, and that would be something ruby sacrificed for the greater good. i wasn't sure how satisfying that would be and I guess I'll never have to find out bc it's not what happened lmao, but it is where i thought we might be headed.

i liked seeing the gloves and the rope from TCORR come back. i like surprise tools that will help us later :)

loved the memory tardis from the time window and the use of that tales from the tardis set. how cool.

loved the time window playing clips of classic who that's so fun. mel's moment with six's outfit awwww. and i'm sure i missed some of the namedrops of planets etc that fifteen was going on about but i liked the ones i caught. shan-shen! oodsphere!!

i thought the effects of the dust wave and the insta-crumbling was pretty good and spooky

i really like having mel around! i hope we get to see her cameo again

the mixed bag:

'the death wave is eating memories and going back through family trees in reverse' is pretty cool as a concept, i thought. where i think this hurts the resolution a bit is that in the moment i thought, "ok, well, ruby's "safe" because there's the Mystery, there's no family tree for it to climb!" but like... there was. does sutekh need to personally be aware of your family tree to kill you?

i really liked the moment of fifteen and ruby watching louise outside the coffee shop, and i really liked the moment where ruby sits down across from her and then the barista calls the name ruby and they have this look. i ... kind of found myself wishing that it would stop there? i mean, i'm happy for ruby, and i think "ruby found her bio fam and now ruby and her big family are together" is a nice ending for the character. but there was something so emotional and bittersweet about that split second of wondering and connection between the two, and ruby having that choice to make...

the goodbye between ruby and fifteen was lovely. millie gibson is so good her big watery eyes make me so sad. i've enjoyed the two of them together and i think they have incredible chemistry as characters and actors, like, what a team of besties. i'll miss ruby on the TARDIS. but ... only 10 episodes, a couple of which didn't feature them much at all... a bond that didn't get super developed on screen ... I dunno. Left me wishing we got more from them through the season.

I do know we'll see more of Ruby next season, so I'm excited for that. an s4 Martha situation. but then I also worry about Varada Sethu's character getting development time too...

the not so good:

killing off rose, kate, etc in the first minute removes stakes, because while you might worry about characters like cherry or carla who won't necessarily stick around when ruby leaves or whose deaths will impact ruby, you know rose and kate are not going to stay dead permanently. also very infinity war (derogatory) where there was the same issue -- no these characters won't stay dead and i'm not going to humour it lol

rose temple sweetie it was nice to see you stand in the background and not speak. what was that about. she FINALLY got all of two lines. it just felt like she didn't serve a lot of purpose in this ep. I mean I liked seeing her but she did not do anything to the story in either part of the ep

the solution of "death kills death" was a bit goofy lol but it's doctor who the solution is always goofy. i didn't care too much about that i guess. but it was goofy

i really think we could've used a more decisive scene with carla and ruby. carla seems to understand ruby's desire to know her bio fam and be supportive of it and that's lovely. obviously ruby loves carla and vice versa. but i think it would've been nice to have a moment of on-screen explicit acknowledgment between carla and ruby that there might be weird feelings there, that louise isn't replacing carla, something like that.

related to the above, the Doctor says Ruby redefined the way he thinks of family, which is a huge thing to say, but I don't feel like I ever saw that happening on screen. it COULD have. all the pieces are there with foundlings and foster care and adoption...

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

That was really sad man. But it did get me wondering, what type of pokemon would Emily have? Maybe a Togekiss? (I'm loving this pokemon AU)

gods. combine "what pokemon would Emily have" with the fan idea of her eventually ending up in HELL and you can get

-> Chaggie's Absol starts being very interested in Emily during heaven / hell meetings and Emily is SO flattered and delighted she doesn't stop to think why maybe this disaster sensing pokemon is suddenly into her

Charlie does see the warning signs but she's not gonna believe in another bad thing so soon nope, she's very determinedly like "I think it's cute! It can just be a cute thing! Absol is allowed to make normal friends!!" while Vaggie goes "uh oh" and "sure sweetie" and sends the Absol up with Emily at the end of the next meeting- getting very VERY worried when the Absol actually GOES with the seraph no problem...

(plus side Pentious gets to visit and cuddle the old Absol buddy without it being an omen of his impending death yay)

-something something something Emily uses the Absol and Vaggie's observations of them showing up in Pride specifically for Extermination Day as another proof what heaven is doing is WRONG and BAD and needs to stop, something something Lute can't take a Seraphim actually "betraying" heaven by siding fully with hell like this- REALLY can't stand Vaggie being brought up and used against her again, something something the Absol warns Emily of the attack just in time to save MOST of her wings, something, Lute gets sword blocked by the Absol long enough for seraph Emily to get over her shock and one hit K.O. her out of the fight, something, a horrified Sera wants to find a way to heal Emily but also thinks she has to keep her little sister out of sight from heaven until then to not cause more harm (or Raise Questions), and Emily is like, Thanks But Fuck That And Fuck You Too

she ends up in hell (with her remaining wings) not long after Chaggie's Absol first started being friends with her and instead of casting blame she just LOVES the Absol all the more for helping make sure she got down there as safely as she did

Vaggie isn't one bit jealous when the Absol sticks with Emily instead of going back to following Vaggie around. Her own scars have healed up quite a bit- Emily's are fresh- Vaggie knows the feeling

Charlie looks on the bright side and notes that the impromptu haircut Lute gave the Absol with her sword while it was trying to keep her from Emily kinda makes the Absol LOOK like Emily now, with bangs and everything, which is ADORABLE and deserving of SO many cute pictures being taken!

(no Charlie won't be crying in her gf's shoulder about all this) (no she won't blame herself for it a little) (yes she WILL need to be physically held back next time she sees Lute- she held herself back before out of respect for Vaggie's choice to let Lute live but now Vaggie's gonna have to do that in real life bc Fuck That Bitch) (Vaggie will hold Charlie back for Charlie's sake alone bc Vaggie will be twice damned if Lute will be the reason her gf finally does a murder) (save it for Val) (she'll kill Lute herself before she let's Lute have the satisfaction of being that kind of scar on Charlie's soul)

Anyway!!!!

befriending Absol is wonderful for Emily and, almost, makes up for leaving her Togekiss behind in heaven....

...Togekiss don't like being around conflict or war, it was clearly bracing itself to go to hell with Emily but- Emily couldn't stomach doing that to her pokemon pal

She leaves it with Pentious, hoping it can help him stay safe up in heaven, and after looking up what Togekiss evolves from (the egg-like Togepi) Pentious tears up remembering his Egg Bois and sobs and curls his whole snake body around the Togekiss SWEARING to defend it with hisssss new life!!! Some old echo of Togokiss's old kindness sensing Togetic form kicks in and it immediately bonds with with Pentious It's a happy bittersweet thing for Emily to watch happen right before she leaves, and her last view of heaven is watching her (now clearly his) Togekiss help keep Pentious airborne like a living floatation device as he awkwardly tries flapping his new wings and waving goodbye at Emily at the same time

(Lute is NOT happy finding out the filthy Sinner infiltrator is being guarded by a pokemon capable of such powerful attacks now. She'd gone to a lot of trouble getting Togekiss AWAY from Emily before trying to get the jump on the traitorous Seraph, but now everyone is on their guard, and Vaggie's damn Absol ruined everything, and Pentioius's new Togekiss is JUST as cheerfully passive aggressively smug as Emily was. Which is INFURIATING)

[melodic-haze]

It's been a while since I last asked you how your day has been. It's doesn't seem like it's going the best, but I hope it gets a lot better.

Just wondering are you familiar with Hi3 characters? Because there has been "dreams" about a new characters that might be an expy. I don't think I could share here because it's leaks, but I could dm you or put it in the doc if you want.

Also just as I was writing this I saw the Gamescom HSR trailer which teased the Fate collab at the end and thought. Who do you think is gonna be apart of the collab? And what do you think or hope their kits will be like? Just wrote this as a fun little question since you seem to really like Fate.

And as always may your week be blessed and your future pulls even more so (Because if leaks are right I'm absolutely COOKED in 2.5)

-🍎

I usually don't like answering stuff out of order but I HOPE FOR DEAR FUCKING LIFE THEY DON'T BUTCHER THE FATE COLLAB LIKE THEY DID WITH HORIZON???? Dude genuinely the way Aloy could've had SUCH a sick kit if it weren't for Hoyo just genuinely not giving a shit. Anyway I wanted to get that off my chest rq

My day at the time was going horrendously. My day TODAY was fairly good :3c I had one of the last band rehearsals I'll ever have with the lot I'm with so. It's a bit bittersweet but also it's fine, I wasn't all that close compared to the rest of them 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Yesss I'm very familiar with HI3 chrs....or at least the ones before the new gen. I only know Thelema and the yoyo girl with Elysia's eyes but otherwise MEI I LOVE YOU IN EVERY UNIVERSE......ANS ELYSIA MY LOML you'll have to tell me ab the dream though bc idk what you're on about

As for the collab though fr this time, I'm guessing if they're collabing with UNLIMITED BLADE WORKS then Archer being there is a GIGANTIC possibility....and REALLY fucking epic dude I HOPE his ult shows his noble phantasm in the same way Acheron's is displayed as well OHHHH PLEAAAAAASE.......and I HOPE they bring Rin in as well idc if she's just an NPC dude KANA UEDA PLEASE PLEASE PLEAAE GRACE ME WITH YOUR PRESENCE

Genuinely though if someone gets turned into a limited chr, it's GOING to be one of the servants.....but not Berserker, unless they do the thing for Clara with Illya but that. That just takes away Clara's thing. And UBW wasn't really that centred towards her anyway. Him and Gilgamesh would PROBABLY end up as bosses let's be real. If they wanna up the money grab, they'd probably put Saber in as another playable chr, though considering this isn't Stay Night then like idk they probably won't

Me personally tjough? I'm actually mildly disappointed it's UBW they're going with. Yk what I would've LOVED to see? Fate/Grand Order. Their whole thing is going through time and space to fix irregularities to prevent the world from ending, and HSR may as well be one of the places they can go to bc maybe it's a limited-time singularity or smth 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ I'm not too fussed though!!! Alternate dimensions and realities are still a thing in UBW anyway (literally HOW would Lancer's spear work otherwise) soooooo......but GOD yeah I adore Fate tbh

I think we're all cooked for the next update though 😭😭😭 but thank you anyway :3c

[horizon-verizon]

I wonder if Aegon III ever thought of Stormcloud after the Dance 😢

Absoilutely he did. And not all of it would be happy, as he was stil deathly afraid of dragons. I'm saying that the memeories would be a much more poignant and potent form of "bittersweet", with a dash of yearning for happier times anf then back to self-resentment and loathing for not being "enough". Stormcloud was from a time in his life when he was safest AND the dragon is responsible for saving his very life...but even that memory is probably tainted by his guilt of leaving Viserys behind. I think this great loss of what once was and what could have been is another part of the basis of why Aegon hated dragons forever, bc it is also a reminder of a whole being that maybe was just beginning that was lost. I could be tripping, but there ya go, one of my headcanons.

Another headcanon: Aegon is said to express that he failed Jaehaera and couldn't protect his queen. I also think we can make an argument that he was glad and jealous that she died not bc he hated her guts but because she had an out. And this was another reason for his hating himself, that he'd think such thoughts. I could be just too much in my feelings this Monday morning, but there, what di you think?

Look guys, this is one of the most tragic figures of Targ history (and don't bring up Helaena, Rhaenyra, any of Helaena's kids, that's all obvious). He died young and forever scarred by the war that killed so many people that he loved, and again having to see his mother die the way she did was never going to be a weak memory. This guy literally just had Daenaera , his kids, and Viserys as his balm and reason to have joy in the life he probably didn't want to live ever since he was 10.

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

heyy ari!!

i hope you're having a splendid and enjoyable day today. wanted to ask a very important question‼️

what are your five current favorite songs and/or artists?

very curious to see your favs!!

- 🍒

HI 🍒 ANON !! it’s nice to meet u!! this is a great question…. i’m gonna b honest though when it comes to music i. kinda live under a rock? 😭 i didn’t even start thinking abt my favorite artists until a couple years ago… so that’s. a thing.

i can never keep track of my favorite songs but i do have a couple artists i love that come to mind!! :33 so!! in no particular order……

1/ yorushika

actually i lied yorushika is in fact my number one always and forever if yorushika has a million fans i’m one of them if yorushika has one fan that’s me if yorushika has no fans that means i am no longer on this earth. yorushika is a jpop/jrock band consisting of n-buna (songwriter/musician) and suis (vocalist) and they mean the whole galaxy to me their lyrics are so insanely good i use them for writing inspo all the time and in general they’re just?? so good??? their songs always feel so bittersweet and nostalgic and the instrumentals are soo incredible…. this is my favorite band of all time they fr changed my life i highly recommend checking out any of their songs/albums bc they have literally never missed. I Fucking Love Yorushika.

my favorite songs of theirs are blooming in that summer / hachigatsu, bou, tsukiakari / replicant !! :3 i have a million other favs but i’ll leave it at that..

2/ the front bottoms

i love these guys so bad i do….. i actually know literally nothing abt the band itself but i adore their songs and just. how scratchy and cool the vocalist’s voice is!! idk i’m not good at explaining it i just love their songs sm!! :’3 they have a very specific vibe to them that i can’t pinpoint but it does make me feel like a rabid dog so there’s that <33 if u have any form of daddy issues i’m sure u’ll love them (they’re also EXTREMELY stsg coded hello…)

my favorite songs of theirs are be nice to me / father / funny you should ask !! :3

3/ mitski

we all saw it coming let’s be real i don’t know a single queer jjk fan who doesn’t love mitski we literally owe her everything? jokes aside it actually took me some time to warm up to her songs, at first i only loved her lyrics but eventually i saw The Light. her songs have this specific melancholic vibe that i’ve never found in anything else and i eat it up every single time ….. i adore her instrumentals and her voice and obv her lyrics !! i resonate a lot with them AND i associate them w lots of jjk characters (especially sugu wbk he’s a mitski girlie).. i just really love her !! she’s Mother always and forever :)

my favorite songs of hers are goodbye, my danish sweetheart / a pearl / i’m your man !! :33

4/ ricky montgomery

RICKYYY MY ANGEL ON THIS EARTH i love him so bad. :( he makes me happy. his songs are so comfy so cozy so lovely i just adore them……. they’re very winter-y but also very summer-y i just love them a lot!! and i think his interactions w the jjk/sk8 fandoms are so funny he’s my emotional support artist i think i would probably kill if he asked me to

my favorite songs of his are cabo / california / line without a hook !! :3

5/ beabadobee

what can i even say abt her…. she’s my goddess i think. beabadobee is like mitski in that her songs just have this specific Vibe that nothing else has and it makes me yearn so bad… sooo nostalgic and vibrant i just think she’s so ridiculously good !!! her songs never fail to make me lose it entirely i listen to them often while writing too !!! they’re soooo catchy and wonderful <333

my favorite songs of hers are don’t get the deal / apple cider / cologne !! :3

[angy-grrr]

Okay is it just me but isn't this a little bit too depressing for shounen though? So as it stands, Deku lost his powers so now he is Quirkless. He couldn't accomplish his want which was saving Tomura. Nothing has ultimately changed, everything is pretty much the same aside from the villains dying. Ideally, it would be different if this whole build up with the villains had a satisfying pay off at the very least but it aint what happened.

So are we just supposed to care that OchoIzu may become canon and it will be nice at the end? Where is the satisfying pay offs and character conclusions?

Mmmm I think its complicated -definetly more depressing than most shonen bc they usually just end after the big fight with the big evil being defeated and everyone happy. Because Izuku doesn't show his thoughts for a really long time we dont know what he truly feels about any of those things -he said he made peace with the idea of losing OFA, and he was shown caring about being responsible about Tomura's death in order to avoid something like that to happen again, wondering if there are alternatives from what has been going on for decades.

Personally I think this wont end with society changing -or at least completely- but starting to create something new. It would be complicated to show the whole process and the first epilogue chapter implied we would see just the beginning of something, that first motion into action.

I need to know what his planning to do with Himiko -that way, I'll be able to judge better the whole villain and hero change and shift, and their endings. I believe theres a huge opportunity with her to bring interesting conversations around her, villains, heroes, and their society as she can be considered everyone's responsibility/the government's as she is still a kid, while also going into an unexpected route which could add a lot to the league's depth and diversity in terms of endings. Bittersweet still, but it is for everyone.

When looking at the story, I dont see why we should waste time canonizing that ship as it doesn't add anything new to these characters nor their stories -Ochako would be honest about her feelings which is a huge part of her character, sure, but is it really that important to get with him? She accepted her feelings while refusing to let them determinate who she is nor what she wants, and putting them to the side didnt affect her negatively the way ignoring Himiko did. She was able to help him and save multiple people, acting on her own by being inspired by, who? Him who acts impulsively because of his will to be a hero? Or her who acts impulsively because of her feelings? Both?

In any case, I cant see this being satisfying, to get them together as a couple. Izuku doesnt gain anything from this -as far as we know, she isnt his most important person but one of his best friends, and helps him and have a nice relationship, but this doesnt do anything for his character. We didnt see him struggling to tell her his personal feelings or thoughts -on the opposite side, he feels free to do so with no pressure-, so he doesnt overcome or finds something from getting with her. Ochako would just end up what, talking inspiration from Himiko's death to get with a guy they both liked? It sends a nasty message, about her being the "good and nice" girl while Himiko is the "monster" who doesnt deserve to actually get with the people she loves, even tho Uraraka is weird, and she should be allowed to show it -she relates to Himiko a lot, and finds her feelings of love, jealousy, fear, anger and sadness relatable, so why would she want to end up with Izuku, who has a different concept and rejects all of these things so precious to her? All of her development trying to find herself would just go away if the conclusion to her character is "yeah shes sad but hey, he got with the boy, thats good! That's what she was looking for!"

Characters can date while keeping their goals and aspirations in mind of course, but when she did try to act like him and be closer to him like that all she found was failure and a bad feeling, and when she let them go she had more space to wonder about the stuff that matters to her -who saves heroes? What is a villain? Why is she feeling this way with Himiko? Why cant she just act like everyone else? Is she weird? What does she actually want to do?

Focusing the conversation around Toga makes it easier to talk and and answer these questions also finding out about Izuku's perspective, but suddenly going for a confession? I cant see that happening naturally and being satisfying for anyone other than dudebros that dont even care about their "favorite" ship nor the characters.

[earlysunshines]

IM BACK AFTER LISTENING TO YOUR MUSIC RECS !! Everything you recommend was 🤭👏❤️ not a song that I didn’t like. But I’m here to tell you my favs

Do 2 me - kaytandra

I really liked this one the beat is super good and catchy the chorus I think (~~you no what you do to me. I said no….) that part was my favorite I immediately added this song to my playlist

Beauty and essex

I’m already a huge fan of Daniel Cesar so anything with him I’m already hooked so this song was fire

Wake up call by Mel blue

The perfect feel good song while driving in the car after a long day

Daisy - w2e

I have a couple w2e songs in my playlist and I need to listen to them more because I’m missing out on sm this song was so good

Slow down - Mac ayers

UGHHH THIS WAS SOO GOOD. This song has been on repeat since last night when I listened to it for the first time

Come back to me - rm

Was boppin my head the entire time I was listening to this. Never listened to rm but it makes me wanna listen to more

Satin - destin

This reminded me of Chris brown. I really like his voice

ANDDD I also wanted to say what you said abt Kendrick was 1000% true. I went to his Mr morale concert a couple years ago and all the videos I took were kinda ruined because I was singing into my phone the entire time and ruining the video💀

Buttttt thank you sm for the songs your music taste is insane

- the anon who asked for the music recs

OH MY GOSH ILY??S?DL:KF: i love when ppl take time to listen to my recs music is soooo serious to me u don't get it like omfg you deserve love and luck for the rest of your life

do 2 me: first listen had me hooked esp the intro/first verse it just had a flow and vibe that caught my attention so quickly

beauty and essex: sooo chill adn the first time I heard it I FELLT it in my bones like i was mkaing faces listening to it bc of how wonderful it is to hear and esp daniel caesars voice the way it swings so nicely plus the BASS OMFG...

wake up call: it was accidentally added to my playlist but I was sooo into it after first listen its so like relaxing and lowk and I listen to this a lot esp at night and when I'm in the car but a passenger + one of my favorites I listened to it a lot when I was on vacation in asia

daisy: a classic imo like this song has been with me since release bc I found wte a few months after they debuted and ugasdghh this song makes me lovesick and aushdfbsdkj

slow down: big fan of slow rnb that relaxes u, same feeling I get listening to wake up call

come back to me: i lowk shit on bts a good amount (songs they've made as a group) and have only been really into v's music, but this opened my eyes to what rm is capable of and the feeling + emotions in the song are played out so well, conveyed in a way that makes me sit and ponder I loooove this song and the whole album. i esp like the last chorus when the vocals overlap I think it's really bittersweet and I love songs like that

satin: nooo bc i discovered destin bc it was added to a playlist somehow then dove deeper into his music and omfg this one is just sooooo head bopping like shiiiit I'll be making faces listening to this too. his voice is very unique and like ughhasfdhj so perf

OFC i love giving song recs really I am so passionate about music LOL but I can't write enough words that can fully explain that thank you for taking the time to listen!! you're so sweet

[myjunkisyuzuruhanyu]

So I just watched Shoma's free at 4cc 2019 and I was wondering how you and the rest of the Unoverse was feeling during all that since from what I understand, he was in 4th after the short, but wound up winning the whole thing with his free, which was his first gold in an international event as a senior (possibly not counting individual GP events)? Especially with how he collapsed on the ice afterwards

Of course I cannot speak for the Unoverse but about me personally.

To this day I still have mixed feelings about this 4CC Gold. Bittersweet because it's his first international big title but also won on an injury and because of what followed afterwards in the off season.

Before knowing of Shoma's injury (and knowing that neither Nathan nor Yuzu would participate) Shoma winning 4CC seemed a given. He had the best scores among the competitors etc. However me and many other Shoma fans were very worried about his injury. He sprained his ankle 3 times in a span of 3 weeks and was rarely training properly. He wouldn't use the injury as an excuse for a poor outing but while I do trust skaters to know what they are capable off, it's still an injury to not take lightly and it minimized his chances to win 4CC.

(old news translations about his injury and my reaction here)

With the knowledge of the injury and the reveal that he would opt for a simpler layout, going for 3 instead of 4 quads in the free skate and only one quad in the SP it was a competition anticipated (bc Shoma's skating is always anticipated) and concern about his health.

Ofc after the SP there was some disappointment in his placement but understanding because of the injury and also I knew that those ppl placed above him were not those skaters able to keep up with good performances by Shoma. I just thought that with an injury no one could have expected a skate like what he produced in the end.

My personal recaps of that time are here SP and FS.

I think overall this was a very satisfying achievement and competition for him. Though if we look back at his 2018-2019 season overall it was the only competition that had a satisfying end. 2018-2019 season was disappointing for Shoma. Ofc the 2019-2020 season seems more disappointing but I think the reality is that the biggest struggle happened 2018-2019 and 2019-2020 it was trying out where to go and how to belong with a good ending. The pressure he felt because of the Olympic Silver 2018 and not being able to put the good practices into competition took a big toll on him in the 2018-2019 season. He said he wanted to be the champion but lost to Nathan at GPF despite having good practices. He lost his fun and skating became a burden. I think being injured played a part to take some of that self produced pressure away especially after finishing only 4th in the SP and made the free skate a glorious one. That Shoma collapsed on the ice is not that surprising, being on and off ice for weeks takes a toll on the stamina. He was just completely exhausted at the collapse. It's still a miracle how he was able to deliver like that.

I also do think that 4CC was a gift and a grudge at the same time. On one side Shoma got more recognition and was also on the radar for medaling at Worlds, but on the other side it added pressure for Worlds 2019, - especially having set the new WR at that time. I think in the end he couldn't withhold the pressure he put on himself and looking how the whole season was a struggle - not result wise, but mentally and physically - it was only a matter of time that change was needed. We all know what followed afterwards and even if I wouldn't say I realized it back when that Shoma would make a drastic change but looking back it was inevitable.

I will always cherish Mihoko Higuchi as Shoma's coach. 4CC 2019 has been there last victory together.

[elvenbeard]

Not me absolutely bingeing through the last 40 hours of Cyberpunk 2077 over the last 3 days, nope. I was actually shaking before starting the final questline, because there were so many FEARS about what might happen at the end (probably as much as V was shaking himself :’D)

All I knew was, there are several endings, some are better, some are worse, but zero specifics. In some regards, what I imagined, was a lot worse, in others it was exactly what I imagined, in other bits it was a lot worse than I expected but in a bittersweet kind of way?

I’m not 100% happy with the ending I got, but mainly due to a lack of hyper-specific dialogue choices I would have wished for during the ideal ending in my head XD But for my V I think it was the best outcome and also fitted him and his choices. So yay! My heart was a little bit cracked, but not ripped out in the way other games have done it with their endings (*side-eyes Mass Effect 3*), because I feel like my choices did matter overall.

MASSIVE Spoilers under the cut, so if you haven’t completed the game yourself, do not read!!!

I got the Sun ending! V lives, somewhat, yay xD

One of my biggest fears and worst case scenarios I was imagining was in relation to Jackie actually. I had the outcome that Arasaka took his body after the Coup (will do that differently next time though, now that I know of the alternatives... yes I read up so much stuff on the wiki tonight after finishing, finally xDD). So when Takemura tells you this, Arasaka took his body, probably put him through Soulkiller, etc. my immediate thought was “holy shit, please don’t let him show up in some evil twisted way during the ending just to have me suffer” (but also, that would have been so good XD). Didn’t happen though, thankfully xD

I was on quite good terms with Johnny actually, which I did not expect to be at all, see also my previous rants on the topic XD Letting him take the wheel scared me probably just as much as V, and his “just talking to Rogue about Adam Smasher” night of escapades didn’t really help ease that anxiety xD I’m not sure if I had high enough friendship for the secret ending, but I will reload my save to try (but will not attempt that ending til my next playthrough, bc admittedly, my V isn’t built for a suicide mission xD)

What made me the saddest about the Sun ending really is that V isn’t really that present or happy (for obvious reasons, of, you know, STILL impeding death), and that his relationship is suffering under it. But I like to imagine, given the slight open-endedness of that ending (ha), if someone can pull that final mission off, it’s V, and that Mr B. will be able to help him, and he’ll get some well deserved rest and happily ever after. Already wrote a whole fic in my head lying up wide awake in bed for three hours XD What I probably loved the most about the Sun ending is V’s penthouse XD It’s weird, I know, but I often started or ended my gaming sessions in his flat looking out of the window. So everytime I booted up the game I look out and see that nice lush garden and cool architecture across the street and think “man, whoever lives there has made it, wonder if I can go there myself at some point later”. Yes, I can!! It made me cry out loud once I figured out where that penthouse was xD Also, what kind of made the ending for me a lot, in terms of, “what fits my character best” was the ride in the AV to the Afterlife mirroring my corpo V’s ride in the AV to Lizzie’s in the very beginning super well (I have zero clues about the Streetkid and Nomad prologues - no spoilers in the comments please! - but maybe there’s a scene like that in those, too). But yes, the circle of life and all, you know *strums guitar*.

I didn’t expect Johnny to grow on me as much as he did during that last stretch of the game, and him having to go for V to get a final chance at living did make me really sad. I still don’t think I’d be able to go down the alternative route where he is the one to walk out of the tower. Waaay too attached to V by now, sorry Johnny xD But you’ll never be forgotten, and I mean in a way legends never die. And maybe it’s not the last Night City ever saw or heard of him.

What else... the other main story characters! I think what annoyed me a little bit was that sliiiight railroading into Panam’s romance, when you’re just wanting to be nice. I enjoy her as a character a lot, because she’s loud and unapologetic, but also has a really sweet and soft side about her. I like the Aldecaldos very much, too. But when I notice I’m being railroaded it’s a hard pass for me, sorry xD

Then Judy... Judy is love, Judy is life. Her final quest was one of my favourites, and the one apart from the ending the quest that made me cry the most, probably. I love that she stays in contact with a befriended V even after leaving the city. The little updates, how happy she is now that she left the city behind, are really really lovely. Also, I love her texting style XD *types one line then hits send, rinse and repeat* - because I tend to do that too. Also, from the moment she mentions she goes diving I wished she’d take V along at some point - so when she calls about it I again screamed irl about it XD Oh, Judy... I have a female V in my head for you, but no idea when I’ll get to play her XD

I would have wished for something similar with River, him keeping in touch a bit more, because I loved his (messed up) storyline a lot, and I would have loved a few more interactions afterwards! I think I need to space it out more next time to have more of him xD

Then Kerry, another heavy case of “is love, is life” omg. His questline was the perfect mix of feels and fun like *chef’s kiss*. Same with River kind of, I wish there had been even more quests with him, but since you only meet him very late in the game it still felt like you had a chance to get to know him better with not too much else going on simultaneously. And him being more involved in the main story than River, too! For his final quest, the beginning of the boat tour was one of the best scenes in the game for me, like oof... Got me really really emotional actually. And then... CARNAGE!! I loved it, love Kerry, 100000/10.

Then Takemura... man, you know, it’s a crime he’s not a romance option, but in hindsight, knowing his possible fates now, I think that might have actually killed me. I’m tempted to go down the Arasaka ending route just once for the sole reason to get more Takemura time really. Fuck everyone else on that path with a corkscrew XD But yes, A+++ character design with him, complex, layered, relatable (esp. for my Corpo V), foodie, but also absolutely blind when it comes to his loyalties and honor. All with good reasons, but aaahhh... let me fix him!! Let me change him!! XDD  Also he had the best first appearance of any of the main story characters imo! Epic badass.

But yes... what a fucking blast that was. Can’t wait for a replay with some slightly better choices here and there, trying the other lifepath quests, trying some different endings maybe, and skilling my V better XD There’s so many options to skill them, it’s insane, but knowing my fighting style (or not fighting - stealth ftw!)  much better now and what the max level roughly is I think I can make more informed choices. Really looking forward to a replay - also with a lot less anxiety now, and a little bit of faith in complex, bittersweet endings finally restored XD

[nonbinarv]

✨🎶🏳‍🌈 (<- hopefully that last one sends right bc my laptop is formatting it weird, i'm assuming that's a pride flag)

✨ - the plot grabbed my attention pretty much first thing. i read lu before properly getting into loz (only having played bits and pieces of games in my childhood aside from almost 100%ing ocarina of time in my teens), but it was still easy to understand and get into. the characterizations are strong, and even the doodles that aren't main story related are still funny or display the depths of the chain's bonds or are just heartwarming moments. from there, i wanted to get more into the games to better understand everything behind them- and as for loz itself, so much. it's a tragedy, an ouroboros, so many incarnations- but no matter where the hero's spirit next ends up, no matter the situation, there's hope. it's heartbreaking and wonderful all at once. it's an adventure and hyrule is home as bittersweet and traumatic as it may be for the heroes

🎶 - it's so hard to pick a favorite… i really like both the elemental sanctuary and four sword sanctuary themes, but i'm also very fond of minish village!

🏳‍🌈 - dw my laptop displays it the same sdgfkhjl- so! i'm still working on all my hcs for the chain (except for time, woman, she/her, lesbian) since i've been thinking four's over for a while- i think these are the ones i've settled on so far though! four calls themselves genderfluid to accommodate everyone's pronouns until the chain knows about them, then each is more open about their specific identity.

for sexuality, all are ace, and vio and shadow are both aro. the other 3 have experienced maybe 1 whole romantic attraction with erune and even then it was more a puppy love type thing that never really led anywhere rather than a full-on attraction. green and blue are questioning (read: i haven't figured out quite yet) and red is questioning some form of aro and uses bi/pan interchangeably as a self-descriptor.

green: woman, she/her

blue: bigender, he/she

vio: agender, he/they

shadow: agender, he/they

red: some variant of nonbinary but who knows what, really anything except she/her (and even then it's okay, just not as good as others) but sometimes chooses to just go by it/its or one specific set of neopronouns to ensure that people don't just default to he or they. the chain is good about not doing that though (considering every single person in it is queered into oblivion sorry i don't make the rules) so not done nearly as often, only really to try out potential new ones or switch things up if a particular set hasn't been used in a while. i do a little projecting :3c

[aemiron-main]

I read your post about irl best friend...

It's absolutely beautiful how you describe him. It really shows that you see him as your light and just how much you love him.

I think you're afraid of your love for him. I think you're an over thinker, making up scenarios in your head of how he'll reject you. Not just your feelings for him but you as a person. The fear that you'll lose not just him but all those years of friendship as well. The once sweet memories will become bittersweet and you'll ask yourself: was it worth it?

Well, that's just the negative side.

The slightly negative, slightly positive side would be that he accepts who you are, but doesn't reciprocate those feelings. You'll either lose full contact or things would be more awkward than ever. He could tell you he always kinda knew about you though. With the way you explained things, it seems like he might've. In this scenario, your friendship could either grow stronger, yourself having gained an ally, or you might become more distant. More tense and awkward.

Best case scenario though, he did know and he's liked you back the entire time. Says "Yeah you were literally the only one that didn't know" and he asks you more questions about yourself. Questions he probably already had, but didn't think you had answers to. You have a whole moment and truly life begins for the both of you. Things might take a little getting used to. You're both talking more now, maybe not as much as before, but it's definitely more than the past few months. And maybe in this scenario you'd tell yourself; it was worth definitely it.

I could be completely wrong though. I could be giving you false hope. Or I could be giving you courage. It could take awhile to summon enough courage to tell him exactly what you want to tell him. And me being a sucker for happy endings, I truly hope you find yours, whether its with him or not. Remember you keep your head up, drink water and keep doing what makes you happy.

If you read this, thank you. I hope it helped.

If not, I sincerely apologize. ❤

ANON,,,, ITS SO FUNNY BC I GOT THIS ASK RIGHT AFTER I DELETED THAT POST (i have the writeup saved in a google doc) YOUR TIMING IS IMPECCABLE AND I APPRECIATE THIS SO MUCH SERIOUSLY THERES NO NEED TO APOLOGIZE!!! This is such an absolutely wonderful and kind message and I appreciate it SO, SO MUCH!! God you're making me emotional. I think you're spot-on here, I'm 10000% an over-thinker and I have absolutely made up about a million scenarios about how a rejection would go, and you're exactly right that it's about fear of him rejecting me as a person and losing that friendship, you've read me like a book LMAO.

The way that you've laid all of this out is deeply insightful and reassuring and again, very appreciated. Especially going into both the positives and the negatives, and how things could go badly, it could become more distant, but it could also go well! And especially about him asking questions, because THAT'S something i never really considered, because we've grown up so much together that it always felt like we knew eachother completely but it feels now like there's parts we've been missing and that answering questions could change that.

"You have a whole moment and truly life begins for the both of you. Things might take a little getting used to. You're both talking more now, maybe not as much as before, but it's definitely more than the past few months. And maybe in this scenario you'd tell yourself; it was definitely worth it." AHHHHHHHHHHHH ANON THAT PART REALLY GOT ME I MEAN ALL OF THIS GOT ME IM HALF AWAKE RN SO IM SORRY IF MY RESPONSE SEEMS AWKWARD I JUST DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO REPLY TO SUCH A KIND AND WELL THOUGHT OUT MESSAGE ABOUT MY POST!! Thank you so much for the wonderful message, anon!!! I hope you find your happy ending too, and all the same goes for you!! :DDD

[peachy-teas]

just finished the dark urge quest fully resisting and romancing astarion for the first time. my party was astarion, karlach, and wyll. my notes and observations are:

1. karlach’s response was exactly as I suspected she’s such a sweet cheerleader for everyone around her. bittersweet though that I defeated orin almost immediately after defeating gortash and karlach’s lamenting speech

2. astarion’s response was not at all what I expected? I already defeated cazador and kept him unascended. when he remarked “how twee” this whole thing was and even his tone after I told him I wanted to spend my life with him now that I got rid of the urges, it felt very artificial similar to act 1 astarion. idk! I felt like his earlier cutscenes sounded a lot more empathetic and sincere. he’s still fully romanced, I just wonder if he has the same dialogue as ascended/never finished his quest Astarion so they just never had him differentiate his delivery. it was very sweet that Astarion approved when I told basically told bhaal to go fuck himself bc I love my friends and when astarion spoke up for me to bhaal himself though I’ll give him that

3. wyll’s delivery saying how proud he is of me had me gigglin and kickin my feet I love that man

[jaimetheexplorer]

I keep thinking about Kim's potential endgame and coming up short of options.

I think it's highly likely that nothing will come out of her confession, even if she's prosecuted for it by the DA. It seems like the dialogue with Cheryl was preparing us for that eventuality (and there's also the possibility that, if caught, Gene/Jimmy will lie and take the blame for it to save her - he can only be hanged once after all - although not sure how that would fit with the whole "I save me" theme in her story). So jail-time for Kim seems unlikely.

If nothing comes out of that confession, I cannot see Kim going back to her empty, miserable Florida life. That was the shell she imprisoned "Kim" in as self-punishment. The phone call cracked that shell and the real Kim started dripping out. So even if her confession leads nowhere in legal terms, I don't think it she'd be able to patch the shell back up, shove Kim back inside, resume the lie of a life she's been leading. I think that identity is burned like Gene is for Jimmy.

So where does that leave her? I keep thinking of the obvious parallels with Jesse and his Alaska ending. Is something like that in the cards for Kim? Putting her Florida life behind and rebuild for the third time somewhere else? Somehow, that feels off too to me. It feels repetitive both for BCS canon (while Florida was miserable, it's the same sort of scenario) and BB canon (would they really just re-do Jesse?). It feels like a cop-out because it doesn't give us an answer, but lets us headcanon whatever we want. It feels like Gene getting a new identity and running again, thinking "this time it will be different". But you know what they say about madness and doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.

And then I can't get over the fact that, unlike Jesse, who had love interests who were passing and fleeting (albeit intense), Kim's entire story has been interwoven with Jimmy's since before the show. That the latest episode made sure to emphasize that huge Jimmy-shaped void in every minute of her life. How painfully alone and empty she is now that she's surrounded by "friends", compared to when it was just her and Jimmy on their own little island. And I can't help but think that if she were to go off and rebuild, she would still carry that void with her. Maybe that's part of the bittersweetness of her redemption. A part of me can see them doing that because they don't shy away from painful realities. Jimmy is a part of her past that's never coming back and that's it. But would her have a Florida 2.0 where maybe her professional life gets more rewarding but her personal life remains hollow that much of a narrative change to end the series on?

One possibility I haven't seen considered is whether there might be another time-jump at the very end of the series. Or that we might skip through several years to show the aftermath or whatever goes down in the present timeline. Given that the entire series has been built upon timelines (the mailroom era, the BCS era, the BB era, the 2010 era), it isn't that far fetched to consider that there might be a final era. I have no idea what that might look like and I don't want to speculate too much so I don't get my hopes up*, but I wonder whether in that approach might lay the key to wrapping this story up in a satisfactory way.

ETA: A part of me can't help but wonder though if that version of Bob that's apparently coming on screen and looks nothing like we are used to might be future-timeline Jimmy.

[horizon-verizon]

I had a legitimate question/complaint that I wanted to send you and I'm still going to do so but while I was thinking about it something else occurred to me and I wanted to share it but I wanted to tell you something first.

The change in Rhaenyra and Laenor’s relationship is the ONLY change I am willing to wholeheartedly accept because it was a wonderful change.

The canon versions aren’t much related to speak of. Rhaenyra has her reasons for not wanting to marry Laenor and at one point she makes a homophobic comment and Laenor did the bare minimum by showing up to a couple of events and visiting so he could say “oh yeah, that baby is definitely mine🤭 Can we call him Joffrey?☺️” (which still means he recognized them as his own and they were legally Velaryon)

But in the show Rhaenyra and Laenor quickly create a mutually beneficial partnership, Rhaenyra cares for Laenor very clearly during 1x05 trying to reach him and I interpret her expression while they are getting married as her acknowledging Laenor’s pain, Laenor is obviously much more present in the children’s lives and at court, we can see a little how complicated that dynamic must have been with Laenor having the freedoms of a man and Rhaenyra being technically superior to him (and none of them seem resentful of each other!), Laenor also worries about Rhaenyra and blames himself for some of their problems (it’s not them, it’s Alicent) and failing Rhaenyra and the children. Rhaenyra in turn takes the time to assure him that she doesn't blame him, that she doesn't see him as defective or wrong.

A I have no idea where the shot came from that Laenor was uncomfortable holding Joff (I thought he was uncomfortable because of Alicent, you know, the woman who made his wife walk after giving birth and that insults him at least twice) but I don't think he is any more uncomfortable with children than most parents of that time, I would even go so far as to say that their relationship is close. We see Laenor carrying Joffrey both on the way back and when Rhaenyra leaves the court, in the second case they could have given him to a nanny but no, Laenor was the one carrying their son. Another moment I really like is the low-key shot of Laenor and Luke holding hands during Laena's funeral or the whole thing with Laenor, Rhaenyra and Harwin with the kids. There is no discomfort, children are not distant or uncomfortable when dealing with him.

In all the ways that matter Laenor claimed the children as his own, he had a pretty good relationship with Rhaenyra despite it not being sexual in nature and the problems that brought about for reasons and it is shown that he loved them.

The real queer friendship in the show was Laenor and Rhaenyra not Alicent and Rhaenyra. And that's my controversial opinion today.

I talk about Rhaenicent HERE, how it didn't and still doesn't make sense to me due to the writing not bringing enough reason as to why it exists. I also must remind people that I am not queer (I don't think bc IDK these days) or of the LGBTQAI+ community. So if I am missing something that could explain some stuff about queerness in fiction or real-life sexually-incompatible relationships, let me know, please!

I am torn about this relationship--book AND show-wise but what I am sure of is that this relationship wasn't as "mutually" beneficial as some might think. Most of it was neither of their faults, but Rhaenyra's situation vs Laenor's is enough reason for her to be resentful not just of her father but him as well. Their relationship was consequently emotionally distant from Laenor even while living in the same spaces as him for a decade. So instead of being a "sweet" thing, it was more a "bittersweet" thing.

Book!

Context for the comment Rhaenyra made against marrying Laenor ("A Question of Succession"):

"My half brothers would be more to his taste".

And Laenor naming their last child ("A Question of Succession"):

"Laenor was at last permitted to name a child after his fallen friend"

And these are when and where the V boys were born (114, 115, 117).

There are layers to each part of these quotes: Laenor is "permitted" to name his own child. More likely barred by Corlys than Rhaenyra because the first two have Velaryon-sounding names and Laenor thus has been made to push aside his first (known) great love/disconnect from his own gayness/"repress" for the sake of patriarchal-heterosexual tradition WHILE Rhaenyra's comment about Laenor reveals a parallel to the preference shown towards boys and men in her society. He would "prefer" someone else, a male, over her. Her concern is not primarily "owning" him sexually but it mirrors/parallels/reminds her that her father/patriarchy diminishing a woman's importance or decentering her for the man's centering and sociopolitical elevation. The "man" here is Viserys and Corlys.

But in the inverse, Laenor named their kid after his past lover when Rhaenyra couldn't give a Targaryen name or any name of her choosing to their last two boys.

Of course, that is a little self-centered of Rhaenyra but the bubble of resentment comes from a valid place and is not completely unfounded and she sorta has to be bit more self-centered...more tragic for them both.

And Laenor naming their last child after his dead lover when he's supposed to keep his relationships a secret for the better of their kids if not for himself is also sort of self-centeredness. Again, when Rhaenyra seemingly couldn't name her own first 2 children.

In a way, Young!Book!Rhaenyra takes Laenor's sex acts (bc Westerosi do not have the conceptions of sexuality being an identity element so much as an act of pseudo-taboo sex acts) as his being another person/obligation/worry who is forced on her, not going to add to her life and not caring for her or prioritizing or supporting her to a certain degree that she needs--another "burden" aside from the one political benefit of tying the Velaryons to her...which is necessary in the first place bc she is female and Viserys pissed Corlys off.

It's like it touches on that wound girls/women carry. In-text/world, I felt it moves through Rhaenyra-the-person/character as unconscious resentment towards another instance where she cannot access what she desires and becomes stuck with a person who cannot even desire her at the very least, as she finds Harwin can later. The show actually does well enough to bring out what was likely true from the original story here when she's talking to Daemon in episode 7 about Harwin: "It felt good to be desired". To have someone be there for her.

(bc despite that injury he had that might have taken months to heal, I still think it's too strange and non-coincidental to ignore how Rhaenyra's first three kids all do not look at least like herself in coloring, not in eyes or hair...Alysanne was one Targ with Andal blonde hair and blue eyes while Alyssa had one purple eye for goodness sake! and the Targs after Daeron II's generation had traits from either one or both parents, Targ or not Targ...this is a fiction piece and while it models real life, it is less random as real life, and "85-90%" of stuff is done for a reason)

And with Laenor, as I mentioned, he must have felt pulled apart from himself--resentful of his forced marriage and further repression from such marriage to Rhaenyra, thus his staying away.

I don't think that they didn't come to respect each other or even not care about each other in the book NOR that they were horrible people for how they felt feelings and their circumstances, how they moved around each other, and probably interacted. Especially after Laenor began spending more time with Rhaenyra after their sons' confrontation with Aemond at Dragonstone.

But it never came across to me as particularly close or Laenor taking up the responsibility to those he apparently did see as a family until said family was hurt. And I have not seen anything to suggest Rhaenyra was concerningly hurtful or homophobic towards Laenor after they marry in canon. So, do we really know if she actually hated him in the original story, or thought his queerness made him less than or worthy of hate, esp with what I said about it more about expressing her frustration?

Show!

You:

But in the show Rhaenyra and Laenor quickly create a mutually beneficial partnership, Rhaenyra cares for Laenor very clearly during 1x05 trying to reach him and I interpret her expression while they are getting married as her acknowledging Laenor’s pain, Laenor is obviously much more present in the children’s lives and at court, we can see a little how complicated that dynamic must have been with Laenor having the freedoms of a man and Rhaenyra being technically superior to him (and none of them seem resentful of each other!), Laenor also worries about Rhaenyra and blames himself for some of their problems (it’s not them, it’s Alicent) and failing Rhaenyra and the children. Rhaenyra in turn takes the time to assure him that she doesn't blame him, that she doesn't see him as defective or wrong.

It seems like Rhaenyra still got the shorter end of the stick to breed a stronger sort of resentment. I think that their relationship was actually more or less the same as it was in the book, and the space they shared only affected Laenor's time spent with the kids and not time spent helping Rhaenyra elsewhere. I could argue it should have been even a little worse bc they live in the same space and Laenor is doing the same things as his book counterpart.

That unequal position, in my view, actually kept them emotionally apart enough for Laenor to not really understand Rhaenyra as a person while Rhaenyra seems to understand Laenor pretty well. To look at this doylistically, honestly, this could be a fault of the writers and the time jumps, but let's dive in.

FIRST - We have not actually seen, at any point, Laenor approach Rhaenyra to ask what's up/check-in. Any time he's there, he's there for either the most dramatic things (birth of a son and climbing the stairs), complaining, or inadvertently make her seem an anomaly (comments about breasts). At the end, again like in the book, he offers to be closer to her and focus on her and the boys...and that is the only time we see some sort of action of the sort of support Rhaenyra sees she will get from Daemon, thus her decision to have Laenor "killed".

After Joffrey Lonmouth's death, Laenor found Qarl Correy and Rhaenyra had allowed the man to be close to Laenor despite the rumors. Laenor doesn't mind and even seems to like Harwin. But unlike Rhaenyra, Laenor does not need nor want a good image as much as she does. Rhaenyra needs Laenor more than the reverse.

SECOND - In the 5th episode after Joffery's death, yes, she is acknowledging his pain but you'd have to be self-involved to a particular degree or just plain unobservant to not sympathize and acknowledge that pain...plus she knew they were together as Laenor told her and they made that a private arrangement on the beach presumably just a few days before. Finally, in that episode, she has not actually lived with him yet.

THIRD - Due to the time jump, we do not know how Laenor got to be a permanent resident in the Keep of King's Landing when he should have been at Driftmark as he is in the book before Laena's death/Vhagar's "claim". Does either Viserys or Corlys order him to stay with Rhaenyra? Did Rhaenyra order him to stay by her side with her? Did Laenor choose freely or under a nonverbal pressure from those around him and what exactly did that look like? Did he have a confrontation with his father concerning his sexuality and the image its open-secretness presents to the family and he just needed to get away from Corlys--did he and Rhaenyra bond over that? Even so, how does the court treat both Rhaenyra & Laenor, both of whom are in court with their respective lovers: Laenor being cuckolded (doesn't matter that he's gay, he's a man and "gayness" is not an identity to these Westerosi) and Rhaenyra, as the future ruler, cannot be made to be seen as weak through her husband's/partner's open "infidelities".

More Notes

Many have noted how unaware Laenor is in the show. Both are resigned, but Rhaenyra is less..."blind", I'd say, because she has to be "on" and aware of others all the time. This alone shows that they cannot be as close as some people claim, because they are not on a similar page of observation of each other or their situation.

This is Rhaenyra & Laenor says about his desire to go to war:

War is afoot again in the Stepstones, Rhaenyra. The Triarchy takes new life from its alliance with Dorne. They're waylaying ships and cargo. Qarl's been fighting there. He showed me a... ( laughing ) He showed me a sack of sapphires big as walnuts he took from the pirate he slew. Ah... After all this time, this is just what I need, a little adventure. A good, honest battle to enliven my blood again. He says there is a Tyroshi general there, a giant, they say, who dyes his beard purple and wears women's frocks. ( laughs ) A few months, maybe...

AND

I am a knight... and a warrior. And I have played my part here, faithfully... for ten years. I am owed some...

AND

Rhaenyra: You are owed nothing! For ten years, you have indulged yourself at court, bought the finest horses, drunk the rarest of wines, fսckеd the lustiest boys. This was our agreement. I have not begrudged you. But... you do not desert your post when the storm lashes. Laenor: The wise sailor flees the storm as it gathers.

Aside from me not liking how Rhaenyra's decision to go to Dragonstone is compared to what Laenor meant by leaving (bc she is doing it for the sake of family and people's lives versus him trying to abandon said family...this is not some modern tale where the newly out and thriving queer person incidentally has kids who can survive their absence or at least not have it threatened after all):

Laenor had been trying to get out of being in KL with Rhaenyra for, as he calls it, "adventure" as if he weren't already in some sort of agreement with Rhaenyra to protect those he himself decided to treat them as his own sons. If it weren't for the fact he sees those kids as his own AND that agreement before they were even born, I wouldn't 100% begrudge him. Add to the fact that, because he's a man, if he weren't so lower-ranked or actually cared for his non-trad family he could have just gone and no one would disparage him in the slightest. Her having to remind him of his promise and stop him from making comments about her body to--who is to her--a stranger while she's trying to stop herself from leaking and coming back from a council where her stepmother/former friend has tried to humiliate and undermine her the whole time -> her reminding him it was not her who put him in their position so as not for him to make it seem as if she were the one imprisoning him in the first place when he said he had the right to is itself a stack of emotional labor. It truly read to me that Laenor was trying to escape the life he has with Rhaenyra as much as he did in the book. It wasn't actually much of a real change.

At the same time, we must remember that show!Rhaenyra is a very different person from book!Rhaenyra. This is a woman who would not go to war for the throne her father gave her because her father was a man who tried to be as nonconfrontational as possible AND for a prophecy that she should have reasoned her father never would have told Aegon, of all people, about and how he took the time to drag himself out of bed for her & her kids' rights/protection in episode 8. The show unconsciously makes a more quietly repressed woman of Rhaenyra in an attempt to make her more "likable", to her own, more-avoidable detriment.

One reason why show!-her may not feel like ordering Laenor more--other than realizing his being forced like her--is the inevitability of his freedoms despite his queerness. Why make a "fuss" when it will not actually go anywhere and it will actually hurt Laenor? Another reason is by how she looks at Laenor, she feels guilt at being the person Criston was actually angry with--thus indirectly leading to Laenor losing his lover so traumatically, thus maybe trying to take it upon herself to make sure Laenor has little reason to either resent or begin to actually hate her more (bc he is both one of the only people there in her camp to keep her some sort of company aside from Harwin in some way) and/or she feels like she must take the responsibility of making him happy. Both of these can give another "responsibility" along with being a mom, the court images, Alicent, her father's social self-blindness, etc even though Joffrey's death is not her fault as much as it was Criston's. All/more eyes are on her and her behavior and she is the one having to birth a kid one minute and walk up a flight of stairs the next. And she was absolutely going to do it alone because Laenor was not there until he decided to be. She is the one who will receive the least grace or attention and thereby the most blame. This is definitely not Laenor's fault...but his using that ability to be away, it certainly adds to the burden, potentially becoming a polyp of the main problem. This is, why again, they both decide that Laenor should "die", to repeat myself.

These things are inevitably going to breed resentment from Rhaenyra and travel against Laenor, esp when he's deciding to make it that much harder without acknowledging that he is or thinking how it could be. And if she were more resentful, or really even a bit more expressive towards him than she was in the show, I do not think that is a moral flaw on her part, doesn't make her the bad guy. Not expressing your anger more often doesn't make the relationship closer/better...in fact, it shows how disconnected they are emotionally. Not only is it possible she cannot feel as if she has all the right to "too much" of Laenor after Joffrey's death and how it went down, but she nevertheless "needs to" demand "more" from him because he's still not doing much, he agreed, their kids' lives and reputations are in danger, and by the near end of epi 6 he's even trying to get out of that much. No man could really understand or appreciate all of this, but again, that distance and trying to get out of things really clinched it for me.

Just because she doesn't hate him or lash out at him, doesn't mean the resentment against him isn't there and that it isn't strong. It shows itself in her sarcasm at his asking her if it hurt; her looks at his drunken talk about her leaking and swollen breasts to Qarl Correy (how fond would one be of a person after that tactlessness because it also shows how little Laenor really minds how his words will come across to her at specific moments?); her having to make it clear to him he must stay by her side and explain to him why she must (the mental load we modern talks about is paralleled here), etc.

And just because show!her was more accomodating, doesn't make her an actually better human than her book counterpart. Same with Laenor--just because he seems like he was around more often--especially since they here share the same space--doesn't mean he is there with her because he absolutely wants to be and is performing the duty he said he would. This is what Rhaenyra was talking about after she dismissed Correy so she could demand Laenor stay.

If anything, Laenor's proximity to Rhaenyra and still not being as there as he should makes it easier for him to be closer to his sons and have a relationship of sorts with their elder selves (because in the show those kids are also older--by appearance--than their selves in the book by this time, and thus they have had more time with Laenor as their dad). It didn't bring the married couple closer so much as give Rhaenyra visible, everyday proof her husband was not her partner.

Thereby, again, it wasn't actually all that "mutual"--he didn't have to put as much energy as her and he didn't and he didn't really think of how he could...but like you said, he did more than most fathers in that the little initiative he does give is more than what most fathers in his position would give Laenor does take a bit of initiative than most men would give in his position even if they wanted to be her Prince Consort for the influence, title, and power alone. He tries.....but then that still makes me question if he actually is there by circumstance, order, or choice and how he feels about that. Still, it's not good for him, so does he, if ever, blame or lash out at Rhaneyra and how does he express that.

The show tells us "unlikely", but that doesn't seem psychologically or emotionally realistic to me. On Laenor's end, he's told he cannot be that one masculine thing--be a brave adventurer/traveling knight--because his class/station has to lead him to marry a princess who depends on his voluntary discretion the balance between security and public respect when he never asked for any of it but he's told that he's a horrible person if he doesn't do this for his ambitious father.

It is because of all this that I do not see Rhaenyra as necessarily being hateful toward Laenor in either book or the show for his sexuality as much as his not being compatible with her needs after a whole life of subtle and unsubtle constraint while acknowledging that it isn't either of their fault...until in the show Laenor was headed there.

Their kindness (to a degree) for each other and Laenor's obvious willingness to at least perform when told or encouraged certainly make things easier. It's still far from what's needed, with it not quite meeting the bare minimum.

So for me, the change that I liked was their coming to a verbal agreement for them to look for other intimacies. It could have happened in canon, but we'll never know, GRRM chose to write this like a very unreliable history book written by misogynist, homophobic, etc. "men of learning". This wasn't a dumb choice, without its own storytelling merits (there's a reason we continue to use frame narratives), or even fun to read through...it's that you're trusting your readers a lot to know what's in their hands and some are just not going to get it or want to.

[zilodak]

Man, i am falling in love with your Vanessa desing the more i see it😭🤚

But honestly, just saw the post talking about your au and Gregory in general, plus the tags to it. When i first read the part of Vanessa being Jeremy's niece a while back i honestly loved that

On one of my own aus, i make so that Vanessa has that type of uncle and niece relationship cuz tbh, i totally see it and i love it (wont say which one bc i know some folks who follow me sees your posts and i aint giving spoilers to any of them)

And seeing someone actually do it makes me...sorta happy tbh. And the reason for her to even be involved in all of this, makes me even more interested :>

And i really like the cyborg idea for Gregory, it feels like an in-between option for the war of "he's a robot! No he's a human!" I like it XD

Plus, i feel like at this point in time it would be a thing, especially with how the animatronics feel so advanced ya know? Not too far ahead from the current future, but not to close either, it's fun and makes sense

I do wonder how it'll go from here tho, especially in whether you will choose between one of the endings from the game with your own spin, or make a completely new one. All in all, I'd love to see more of it!

I'm a sucker for found family coming together from trying to find the mystery of their past/lost family. It has a nice bittersweet tone to it, and it seems to lead that way here (ofc if it isn't, i'll still enjoy the au bc the idea itself is really cool)

Oh and i saw the part of Elisabeth, love it, its nice ro have more of her bc your Elizabeth has become my all time favourite😭💞💞.

And I love all the afton siblings tbh, and Michael and Evan have been my favourite sibling duo, but you somehow made me love Lizzy and Mike so much more-

Anyways, i kinda rambled here- i just really liked the au and wanted to share my thoughts 😅

AHHH THANK YOUUU!!

As for my Help Wanted and Security Breach au, its actually a continuation of my fnaf au in general.

After Michael's suicide with Henry and the burning of the Pizzeria, Jeremy leaves as a broken man now in the possession of Glamrock Freddy and the Glamrock blueprints Michael left behind. The trauma and the survivor's guilt has made him barely the person he used to be, and he sells the Glamrocks to a man. He doesn't want anything to do with them. Cut to Vanessa though, and he loves her very much, she brings light to his life once again and all seems to be well.

He's approached by Fazbears entertainment years later. They tell him, that as a survivor of those events, they want him to test their "educational" game (Help Wanted). Ignoring the fact that the game is a complete mockery of what he's been through, he focuses more on the anomaly he spots.

He disappears not long after and this is when Vanessa comes in. The officers put his investigation on hold and Vanessa take matter in her own hands. She finds out about the game, collects the tapes, gets possessed by Malhare etc...

This is where the au falls apart a bit because anything after that moment is just little snippets of lore and scenes.

Malhare's role is very important though. To the whole thing.

Malhare isn't William. He's this projection of Will, born out of spite and that's meant to store his memories. His only purpose is to help resurrect Burntrap (aka the actual William) which he will then perish if successful. He's not supposed to be sentient, or make his own choices. He can only calculate outcomes and steer the person or thing he's possessing into doing things that will be beneficial for his goal. Malhare, just like any virus, spreads. There's no one version of him. However Vanessa's version of Malhare somehow manages to become sentient. Sentient enough that he realizes that he will die if he succeeds in his mission. Sentient enough that he has emotions. And sentient enough that he can make his own decisions. So when the time comes and Gregory enters the bottom of the Pizzaplex, he has a change of heart because in typically William or William adjacent fashion, he's scared of death. So he saves Gregory from the other versions of Malhare and corrupted systems that roam the Pizzaplex.

Now I should also preface that Vanessa and Malhare share their body, but anytime Malhare takes front, her eyes glow purple and she develops incredible agility and more physical strength (this is Vanny). Malhare can't front for long though.

Anyways, Vanny saves Gregory and they flee the Pizzaplex with Glamrock Freddy. They go to Luis' apartment for shelter for the day and Vanessa finally opens up about her situation. Now Vanessa is a wanted woman with a bounty on her hear, Malhare is cast away from his own kind, Luis can't return bc he helped Vanessa, everybody is after Gregory and Freddy is tagging along to protect Gregory.

Next step is to find Jeremy.