#and it was so very bittersweet bc the whole time I was just wondering What Happened?

[infartoomanyfandoms]

.

[zhuoyichenpretty]

aww yeah ep 20 GOOD

I guess I do (very casual, broadstroke) episode commentaries now, halfway through the show lmao. Spoilers below!!

Bai Jiu BETRAYAL?

Wen Xiao WANTED?

Zhuo Yichen DETECTIVE-ING?

Ying Lei BACK?

*crowd cheers*

The dots are connecting like crazy with the big bad's whole inner core crusade and also with the simultaneous demon case like I did not recognize Ao Yin as the demon Li Lun first released eight years ago but oooh do I enjoy that minor payoff.

Love the repeated use of the demonic-spell-restraining sigils now that we've been introduced to them though I wonder why the Bureau doesn't ever seem to make use of them. Maybe they don't deal with enough powerful demons to need to paint those in their own (very empty) dungeon? Or perhaps just plot convenience. (edit: someone has pointed out the Bureau indeed uses them!! I'm just blind <3)

Anyway I kind of wish in the Chongwu Camp dungeon PSJ fought a little bc she's so cool in action and their bailing was a little abrupt, but it makes sense that they'd have an immediate getaway plan. Also this is an ep 19 comment but that line Mr. 3-Face Mask delivered about PSJ being fated to always be betrayed by her little brother(s) HURT. So good.

Back to the Bureau, I do love me a good framing, and I'm also happy to get a tiny bit of the episodic demon-murder-case style back. WX was v clever to hide out in Situ Mansion, and (small detail but) I appreciate that the others catch her up on the Bai Jiu thing onscreen. As an aside, I also like that the actress for WX got to be double-casted even just briefly. Seeing some of the actors get to play around with portraying various extremes in characterization and costuming is a ton of fun.

And then yay Bai Jiu backstory at last~! It's crazy how much that blood moon fucked up everyone's lives eight years ago huh.

Everything ZYC says to him is on point (and honestly, ZYC is really quite adept at comforting others, he just sucks utter ass at it when it's his fault and he has to apologize lmaooo) but of course my favorite scene in the whole episode is as follows:

The very slight shine in the waterline, the bittersweet smile/grimace as, deliberately or not, ZYC's words indirectly echo everything about the circumstances between the two of them right now??? Whew. They did that for me specifically.

Anyway, this was a good one to chew on for me, packed with plot movement enough that I didn't feel unsatisfied with just one episode. I'm glad that so far it seems like the release schedule bears in mind what episodes should be watched in pairs for maximum effect (eps 16/17, 18/19 specifically) and which ones are okay to stand alone for the day, but I also don't want to speak too soon haha. We'll see how ep 21 fares.

Also since this is a ZYC stan account (lmao) I have some obligatory ZYC thoughts that I haven't managed to fit anywhere else. I've been meaning to comment on this for a while now and was reminded by this episode: I love the fact that ZYC actually smiles quite often. I think it's a bit surprising every time he does because he so easily fits the archetype of stoic broody action hero, but it really is just an archetype he's fit himself into, and it's never clearer than when they flash back to smiley baby!ZYC (how freely and purely he used to give those smiles away...).

On the other side of this is also how caustic and biting he can be with his words, whether sarcastically or otherwise, and how clearly his face telegraphs his emotions in general. I love that he actually emotes quite a lot and isn't cold and unaffected in the least, just pouty frowny and awkward.

The last piece to this for me is probably his age (which I very much appreciated being established super early on) and how convincingly TJR portrays him as young and inexperienced and extremely earnest. He's so sincere in everything he does that it really doesn't take much to move him, which also (imo) makes his arc less overdone.

We all know from the start what direction his development will likely go, how he'll learn he's mistaken about ZYZ and how he'll grow to have a more nuanced view of the world as he creates more bonds with others. But he's so emotional and emotionally aware that it doesn't really take much push and pull to get him there. And actually, it's not untread ground to him—he is moreso thawing, in part returning to the open-hearted nature that he had to very abruptly shutter away rather than fundamentally changing as a person. I think to me, that makes his character more compelling to watch because his cynicism about the world is perhaps the least sincere thing about him. It's entirely learned, and not by choice. Relatable.

[oodlyenough]

dw empire of death

spoilers ofc

hm. like many RTD finales, a bit of a mixed bag. i feel less certain of my overall thoughts than last week (which i thought was a blast, tbh).

the good: i'm... pretty happy with the ruby mom reveal. this whole mystery box set up turning out to be "she was just a scared young woman who couldn't raise her baby", an ordinary woman mythologized by ruby and the doctor over the season, etc, is an extremely RTD solution. and as a fan of his stuff I liked seeing that... well... pivot to his roots as opposed to her being part of the pantheon or something (which I admit I did wonder about myself).

the *idea* of her pointing at the sign to name the baby is nice, I like the meaning of it and what Ruby takes from it, but it is a bit of a clumsy set up. very dramatic pointing, ms miller.

also as much as i was dying to see what the screen said lol i DID love the character moment of ruby stepping forward to offer the name to sutekh, only to smash it, and then clip his collar (lmfao btw). i thought that was a nice character moment for ruby. in that moment i thought perhaps we'd never find out the answer, and that would be something ruby sacrificed for the greater good. i wasn't sure how satisfying that would be and I guess I'll never have to find out bc it's not what happened lmao, but it is where i thought we might be headed.

i liked seeing the gloves and the rope from TCORR come back. i like surprise tools that will help us later :)

loved the memory tardis from the time window and the use of that tales from the tardis set. how cool.

loved the time window playing clips of classic who that's so fun. mel's moment with six's outfit awwww. and i'm sure i missed some of the namedrops of planets etc that fifteen was going on about but i liked the ones i caught. shan-shen! oodsphere!!

i thought the effects of the dust wave and the insta-crumbling was pretty good and spooky

i really like having mel around! i hope we get to see her cameo again

the mixed bag:

'the death wave is eating memories and going back through family trees in reverse' is pretty cool as a concept, i thought. where i think this hurts the resolution a bit is that in the moment i thought, "ok, well, ruby's "safe" because there's the Mystery, there's no family tree for it to climb!" but like... there was. does sutekh need to personally be aware of your family tree to kill you?

i really liked the moment of fifteen and ruby watching louise outside the coffee shop, and i really liked the moment where ruby sits down across from her and then the barista calls the name ruby and they have this look. i ... kind of found myself wishing that it would stop there? i mean, i'm happy for ruby, and i think "ruby found her bio fam and now ruby and her big family are together" is a nice ending for the character. but there was something so emotional and bittersweet about that split second of wondering and connection between the two, and ruby having that choice to make...

the goodbye between ruby and fifteen was lovely. millie gibson is so good her big watery eyes make me so sad. i've enjoyed the two of them together and i think they have incredible chemistry as characters and actors, like, what a team of besties. i'll miss ruby on the TARDIS. but ... only 10 episodes, a couple of which didn't feature them much at all... a bond that didn't get super developed on screen ... I dunno. Left me wishing we got more from them through the season.

I do know we'll see more of Ruby next season, so I'm excited for that. an s4 Martha situation. but then I also worry about Varada Sethu's character getting development time too...

the not so good:

killing off rose, kate, etc in the first minute removes stakes, because while you might worry about characters like cherry or carla who won't necessarily stick around when ruby leaves or whose deaths will impact ruby, you know rose and kate are not going to stay dead permanently. also very infinity war (derogatory) where there was the same issue -- no these characters won't stay dead and i'm not going to humour it lol

rose temple sweetie it was nice to see you stand in the background and not speak. what was that about. she FINALLY got all of two lines. it just felt like she didn't serve a lot of purpose in this ep. I mean I liked seeing her but she did not do anything to the story in either part of the ep

the solution of "death kills death" was a bit goofy lol but it's doctor who the solution is always goofy. i didn't care too much about that i guess. but it was goofy

i really think we could've used a more decisive scene with carla and ruby. carla seems to understand ruby's desire to know her bio fam and be supportive of it and that's lovely. obviously ruby loves carla and vice versa. but i think it would've been nice to have a moment of on-screen explicit acknowledgment between carla and ruby that there might be weird feelings there, that louise isn't replacing carla, something like that.

related to the above, the Doctor says Ruby redefined the way he thinks of family, which is a huge thing to say, but I don't feel like I ever saw that happening on screen. it COULD have. all the pieces are there with foundlings and foster care and adoption...

[runekirikjartan]

​🇫​​🇮​​🇨​ ​🇸​​🇪​​🇱​​🇫​-​🇷​​🇪​​🇨​​🇸​

Fic authors self-rec!

List your favourite five fics that you've written, then tag at least five other writers! Spread the self-love. 💙

I was tagged by @marloviandevil and have spent the last like 45 minutes agonizing over which fics I feel are worth posting, thank you though bc now I've evaluated and have found some gems I forgot about writing

--

talking to the moon

Ship: CT-782 - Hevy/Reader

Rating: M

Summary: Finding the frequency was an accident. Falling in love with Hevy, that, that was just fate.

Why this one: This was the fic I wrote in 24 hours after rewatching the Rishi episode and it was honestly self-indulgent, but it's got both a bittersweet ending and an alternate ending so it's the best of both worlds

Status: Finished

--

Signs of the Skrill

Ship: Dagur the Deranged/Bragi the Berserk (Original Character), Viggo Grimborn/Original Character(s)

Rating: M

Summary: As the youngest chief in the Barbaric Archipelago, Dagur the Deranged quickly learned three things; first, you can always forgive but never forget. second, your family is your life, and third, you can't rule alone.

Bragi the Berserk has known three things to be true: first, family was what you made it, second, it was entirely possible to be lonely in a room full of people, third, if you give someone your heart, you better hope they would keep it.

Two young men attempt to navigate duty, grudges, honour and glory, while trying to keep each other afloat.

Why this one: I always wondered what would happen if the How To Train Your Dragon franchise (specifically Race To The Edge) would fare if it met more Game of Thrones style writing. Now I'm definitely not the next GRRM but It has been an interesting explanation into the side characters who had plenty of potential. Currently being re-written from its original finished state. My pride and joy fanfic, have been working on this since 2014 when I first started watching HTTYD and the fic has quite literally grown with me.

Status: Unfinished.

--

when the rain comes down

Ship: Halfdan the Black/Original Male Character(s)

Rating: M

Summary: King Harald arrives in Kattegat, Bragi moves to follow his fate, as it comes in the form of brown, wild eyes and blond hair.

Why this one: What's a bit of fruitiness within a period-piece drama about vikings? Very dramatic, many liberties taken with plot, a fix-it in the works. Currently being re-written from its original finished state.

Status: Unfinished.

--

4. don't wanna cry but i break that way

Ship: Nil

Gen Relationship: Hound & Original Clone Trooper(s)

Rating: M

Summary: Chasers died, either by falling off the multi-levels of Coruscant, or by getting shot, or they went missing in the middle of the night on patrol, or Hound lost them during chases on Coruscant's duracrete sidewalks.

He couldn't get attached.

Why this one: Admittedly this is probably one of the best Coruscant Guard centric fics I've written (and there's a lot of them). Hound is a character we see very little of (about 1 minute of screentime) but a man and his dog always make me happy... so I may have given him a little bit of sadness too. Part of the Fox & His Shinies series which is my current pride and joy of Clone Wars fics.

Status: Finished.

--

5. the poor run with smoke lungs

Ship: Nil

Gen Relationship: CC-1010 | Fox & CT-7567 | Rex, CC-1010 | Fox & Original Clone Troopers (s), Dogma & CC-1010 | Fox

Rating: M

Summary: A vignette style fic about how the 501st and Coruscant Guard coped with being forced to share a space at General Skywalker's command while the Jedi General tracked down Rako Hardeen for the killing of Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Why this one: A part of the Clone Wars that is rarely delved into because it's immediately preceded by Umbara, Kadavo and followed by the Wrong Jedi Arc and the Chip Arc. I didn't think many people realized that the 501st were essentially employed to the senate the whole time that Anakin was hunting down Rako Hardeen. Part of the Fox & His Shinies series which is my current pride and joy of Clone Wars fics.

Status: Finished.

---

I have honorary mention for:

two worlds - COD x Avatar Crossover gen fic.

Summary: When Phillip Graves gets the opportunity to venture out onto the remote moon, Pandora, a million miles away, at his little brother's recommendation, he takes it with open arms.

---

Tagging - only if you want to!

@mamuzzy-creates-stuff/@mamuzzy, @whiskygoldwings, @ithillia, @blackat-t7t, @kworking

[melodic-haze]

It's been a while since I last asked you how your day has been. It's doesn't seem like it's going the best, but I hope it gets a lot better.

Just wondering are you familiar with Hi3 characters? Because there has been "dreams" about a new characters that might be an expy. I don't think I could share here because it's leaks, but I could dm you or put it in the doc if you want.

Also just as I was writing this I saw the Gamescom HSR trailer which teased the Fate collab at the end and thought. Who do you think is gonna be apart of the collab? And what do you think or hope their kits will be like? Just wrote this as a fun little question since you seem to really like Fate.

And as always may your week be blessed and your future pulls even more so (Because if leaks are right I'm absolutely COOKED in 2.5)

-🍎

I usually don't like answering stuff out of order but I HOPE FOR DEAR FUCKING LIFE THEY DON'T BUTCHER THE FATE COLLAB LIKE THEY DID WITH HORIZON???? Dude genuinely the way Aloy could've had SUCH a sick kit if it weren't for Hoyo just genuinely not giving a shit. Anyway I wanted to get that off my chest rq

My day at the time was going horrendously. My day TODAY was fairly good :3c I had one of the last band rehearsals I'll ever have with the lot I'm with so. It's a bit bittersweet but also it's fine, I wasn't all that close compared to the rest of them 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Yesss I'm very familiar with HI3 chrs....or at least the ones before the new gen. I only know Thelema and the yoyo girl with Elysia's eyes but otherwise MEI I LOVE YOU IN EVERY UNIVERSE......ANS ELYSIA MY LOML you'll have to tell me ab the dream though bc idk what you're on about

As for the collab though fr this time, I'm guessing if they're collabing with UNLIMITED BLADE WORKS then Archer being there is a GIGANTIC possibility....and REALLY fucking epic dude I HOPE his ult shows his noble phantasm in the same way Acheron's is displayed as well OHHHH PLEAAAAAASE.......and I HOPE they bring Rin in as well idc if she's just an NPC dude KANA UEDA PLEASE PLEASE PLEAAE GRACE ME WITH YOUR PRESENCE

Genuinely though if someone gets turned into a limited chr, it's GOING to be one of the servants.....but not Berserker, unless they do the thing for Clara with Illya but that. That just takes away Clara's thing. And UBW wasn't really that centred towards her anyway. Him and Gilgamesh would PROBABLY end up as bosses let's be real. If they wanna up the money grab, they'd probably put Saber in as another playable chr, though considering this isn't Stay Night then like idk they probably won't

Me personally tjough? I'm actually mildly disappointed it's UBW they're going with. Yk what I would've LOVED to see? Fate/Grand Order. Their whole thing is going through time and space to fix irregularities to prevent the world from ending, and HSR may as well be one of the places they can go to bc maybe it's a limited-time singularity or smth 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ I'm not too fussed though!!! Alternate dimensions and realities are still a thing in UBW anyway (literally HOW would Lancer's spear work otherwise) soooooo......but GOD yeah I adore Fate tbh

I think we're all cooked for the next update though 😭😭😭 but thank you anyway :3c

[horizon-verizon]

I wonder if Aegon III ever thought of Stormcloud after the Dance 😢

Absolutely he did. And not all of it would be happy, as he was still deathly afraid of dragons. I'm saying that the memories would be a much more poignant and potent form of "bittersweet", with a dash of yearning for happier times and then back to self-resentment and loathing for not being "enough". Stormcloud was from a time in his life when he was safest AND the dragon is responsible for saving his very life...but even that memory is probably tainted by his guilt of leaving Viserys behind. I think this great loss of what once was and what could have been is another part of the basis of why Aegon hated dragons forever, bc it is also a reminder of a whole being that maybe was just beginning that was lost. I could be tripping, but there ya go, one of my headcanons.

Another headcanon: Aegon is said to express that he failed Jaehaera and couldn't protect his queen. I also think we can make an argument that he was glad and jealous that she died not bc he hated her guts but because she had an out. And this was another reason for his hating himself, that he'd think such thoughts. I could be just too much in my feelings this Monday morning, but there, what do you think?

Look guys, this is one of the most tragic figures of Targ history (and don't bring up Helaena, Rhaenyra, any of Helaena's kids, that's all obvious). He died young and forever scarred by the war that killed so many people that he loved, and again having to see his mother die the way she did was never going to be a weak memory. This guy literally just had Daenaera , his kids, and Viserys as his balm and reason to have joy in the life he probably didn't want to live ever since he was 10.

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

heyy ari!!

i hope you're having a splendid and enjoyable day today. wanted to ask a very important question‼️

what are your five current favorite songs and/or artists?

very curious to see your favs!!

- 🍒

HI 🍒 ANON !! it’s nice to meet u!! this is a great question…. i’m gonna b honest though when it comes to music i. kinda live under a rock? 😭 i didn’t even start thinking abt my favorite artists until a couple years ago… so that’s. a thing.

i can never keep track of my favorite songs but i do have a couple artists i love that come to mind!! :33 so!! in no particular order……

1/ yorushika

actually i lied yorushika is in fact my number one always and forever if yorushika has a million fans i’m one of them if yorushika has one fan that’s me if yorushika has no fans that means i am no longer on this earth. yorushika is a jpop/jrock band consisting of n-buna (songwriter/musician) and suis (vocalist) and they mean the whole galaxy to me their lyrics are so insanely good i use them for writing inspo all the time and in general they’re just?? so good??? their songs always feel so bittersweet and nostalgic and the instrumentals are soo incredible…. this is my favorite band of all time they fr changed my life i highly recommend checking out any of their songs/albums bc they have literally never missed. I Fucking Love Yorushika.

my favorite songs of theirs are blooming in that summer / hachigatsu, bou, tsukiakari / replicant !! :3 i have a million other favs but i’ll leave it at that..

2/ the front bottoms

i love these guys so bad i do….. i actually know literally nothing abt the band itself but i adore their songs and just. how scratchy and cool the vocalist’s voice is!! idk i’m not good at explaining it i just love their songs sm!! :’3 they have a very specific vibe to them that i can’t pinpoint but it does make me feel like a rabid dog so there’s that <33 if u have any form of daddy issues i’m sure u’ll love them (they’re also EXTREMELY stsg coded hello��)

my favorite songs of theirs are be nice to me / father / funny you should ask !! :3

3/ mitski

we all saw it coming let’s be real i don’t know a single queer jjk fan who doesn’t love mitski we literally owe her everything? jokes aside it actually took me some time to warm up to her songs, at first i only loved her lyrics but eventually i saw The Light. her songs have this specific melancholic vibe that i’ve never found in anything else and i eat it up every single time ….. i adore her instrumentals and her voice and obv her lyrics !! i resonate a lot with them AND i associate them w lots of jjk characters (especially sugu wbk he’s a mitski girlie).. i just really love her !! she’s Mother always and forever :)

my favorite songs of hers are goodbye, my danish sweetheart / a pearl / i’m your man !! :33

4/ ricky montgomery

RICKYYY MY ANGEL ON THIS EARTH i love him so bad. :( he makes me happy. his songs are so comfy so cozy so lovely i just adore them……. they’re very winter-y but also very summer-y i just love them a lot!! and i think his interactions w the jjk/sk8 fandoms are so funny he’s my emotional support artist i think i would probably kill if he asked me to

my favorite songs of his are cabo / california / line without a hook !! :3

5/ beabadobee

what can i even say abt her…. she’s my goddess i think. beabadobee is like mitski in that her songs just have this specific Vibe that nothing else has and it makes me yearn so bad… sooo nostalgic and vibrant i just think she’s so ridiculously good !!! her songs never fail to make me lose it entirely i listen to them often while writing too !!! they’re soooo catchy and wonderful <333

my favorite songs of hers are don’t get the deal / apple cider / cologne !! :3

[angy-grrr]

Okay is it just me but isn't this a little bit too depressing for shounen though? So as it stands, Deku lost his powers so now he is Quirkless. He couldn't accomplish his want which was saving Tomura. Nothing has ultimately changed, everything is pretty much the same aside from the villains dying. Ideally, it would be different if this whole build up with the villains had a satisfying pay off at the very least but it aint what happened.

So are we just supposed to care that OchoIzu may become canon and it will be nice at the end? Where is the satisfying pay offs and character conclusions?

Mmmm I think its complicated -definetly more depressing than most shonen bc they usually just end after the big fight with the big evil being defeated and everyone happy. Because Izuku doesn't show his thoughts for a really long time we dont know what he truly feels about any of those things -he said he made peace with the idea of losing OFA, and he was shown caring about being responsible about Tomura's death in order to avoid something like that to happen again, wondering if there are alternatives from what has been going on for decades.

Personally I think this wont end with society changing -or at least completely- but starting to create something new. It would be complicated to show the whole process and the first epilogue chapter implied we would see just the beginning of something, that first motion into action.

I need to know what his planning to do with Himiko -that way, I'll be able to judge better the whole villain and hero change and shift, and their endings. I believe theres a huge opportunity with her to bring interesting conversations around her, villains, heroes, and their society as she can be considered everyone's responsibility/the government's as she is still a kid, while also going into an unexpected route which could add a lot to the league's depth and diversity in terms of endings. Bittersweet still, but it is for everyone.

When looking at the story, I dont see why we should waste time canonizing that ship as it doesn't add anything new to these characters nor their stories -Ochako would be honest about her feelings which is a huge part of her character, sure, but is it really that important to get with him? She accepted her feelings while refusing to let them determinate who she is nor what she wants, and putting them to the side didnt affect her negatively the way ignoring Himiko did. She was able to help him and save multiple people, acting on her own by being inspired by, who? Him who acts impulsively because of his will to be a hero? Or her who acts impulsively because of her feelings? Both?

In any case, I cant see this being satisfying, to get them together as a couple. Izuku doesnt gain anything from this -as far as we know, she isnt his most important person but one of his best friends, and helps him and have a nice relationship, but this doesnt do anything for his character. We didnt see him struggling to tell her his personal feelings or thoughts -on the opposite side, he feels free to do so with no pressure-, so he doesnt overcome or finds something from getting with her. Ochako would just end up what, talking inspiration from Himiko's death to get with a guy they both liked? It sends a nasty message, about her being the "good and nice" girl while Himiko is the "monster" who doesnt deserve to actually get with the people she loves, even tho Uraraka is weird, and she should be allowed to show it -she relates to Himiko a lot, and finds her feelings of love, jealousy, fear, anger and sadness relatable, so why would she want to end up with Izuku, who has a different concept and rejects all of these things so precious to her? All of her development trying to find herself would just go away if the conclusion to her character is "yeah shes sad but hey, he got with the boy, thats good! That's what she was looking for!"

Characters can date while keeping their goals and aspirations in mind of course, but when she did try to act like him and be closer to him like that all she found was failure and a bad feeling, and when she let them go she had more space to wonder about the stuff that matters to her -who saves heroes? What is a villain? Why is she feeling this way with Himiko? Why cant she just act like everyone else? Is she weird? What does she actually want to do?

Focusing the conversation around Toga makes it easier to talk and and answer these questions also finding out about Izuku's perspective, but suddenly going for a confession? I cant see that happening naturally and being satisfying for anyone other than dudebros that dont even care about their "favorite" ship nor the characters.

[earlysunshines]

IM BACK AFTER LISTENING TO YOUR MUSIC RECS !! Everything you recommend was 🤭👏❤️ not a song that I didn’t like. But I’m here to tell you my favs

Do 2 me - kaytandra

I really liked this one the beat is super good and catchy the chorus I think (~~you no what you do to me. I said no….) that part was my favorite I immediately added this song to my playlist

Beauty and essex

I’m already a huge fan of Daniel Cesar so anything with him I’m already hooked so this song was fire

Wake up call by Mel blue

The perfect feel good song while driving in the car after a long day

Daisy - w2e

I have a couple w2e songs in my playlist and I need to listen to them more because I’m missing out on sm this song was so good

Slow down - Mac ayers

UGHHH THIS WAS SOO GOOD. This song has been on repeat since last night when I listened to it for the first time

Come back to me - rm

Was boppin my head the entire time I was listening to this. Never listened to rm but it makes me wanna listen to more

Satin - destin

This reminded me of Chris brown. I really like his voice

ANDDD I also wanted to say what you said abt Kendrick was 1000% true. I went to his Mr morale concert a couple years ago and all the videos I took were kinda ruined because I was singing into my phone the entire time and ruining the video💀

Buttttt thank you sm for the songs your music taste is insane

- the anon who asked for the music recs

OH MY GOSH ILY??S?DL:KF: i love when ppl take time to listen to my recs music is soooo serious to me u don't get it like omfg you deserve love and luck for the rest of your life

do 2 me: first listen had me hooked esp the intro/first verse it just had a flow and vibe that caught my attention so quickly

beauty and essex: sooo chill adn the first time I heard it I FELLT it in my bones like i was mkaing faces listening to it bc of how wonderful it is to hear and esp daniel caesars voice the way it swings so nicely plus the BASS OMFG...

wake up call: it was accidentally added to my playlist but I was sooo into it after first listen its so like relaxing and lowk and I listen to this a lot esp at night and when I'm in the car but a passenger + one of my favorites I listened to it a lot when I was on vacation in asia

daisy: a classic imo like this song has been with me since release bc I found wte a few months after they debuted and ugasdghh this song makes me lovesick and aushdfbsdkj

slow down: big fan of slow rnb that relaxes u, same feeling I get listening to wake up call

come back to me: i lowk shit on bts a good amount (songs they've made as a group) and have only been really into v's music, but this opened my eyes to what rm is capable of and the feeling + emotions in the song are played out so well, conveyed in a way that makes me sit and ponder I loooove this song and the whole album. i esp like the last chorus when the vocals overlap I think it's really bittersweet and I love songs like that

satin: nooo bc i discovered destin bc it was added to a playlist somehow then dove deeper into his music and omfg this one is just sooooo head bopping like shiiiit I'll be making faces listening to this too. his voice is very unique and like ughhasfdhj so perf

OFC i love giving song recs really I am so passionate about music LOL but I can't write enough words that can fully explain that thank you for taking the time to listen!! you're so sweet

[clochanamarch]

I need to know what Aisling thinks about Warren and Khione, and Khione's love and boundless affection for him. Does that make her smile? Is she reminded of herself and Eoin, maybe? I need to know what the Mom TM opinion is.

RANDOM QUESTIONS FOR/ABOUT AISLING! (ALWAYS ACCEPTING!)

if ur wondering why it took me so long to answer this it's bc the question required like. a LOT of thought to be sure i really covered the whole thing, bc aisling has a surprisingly extensive list of things to say abt this--

so here's the thing. aisling's kids are almost all teenagers, right? so of course they have their own budding dating lives, crushes, relationships that she's very blessed to have a front seat to. which is to say that warren and khione are unique, meaning that her reaction to their connection is similarly unique, yk? she absolutely supports them, they make her smile SO much!! and warren is always welcome at the apartment, and there's absolutely no lack of trust whatsoever.

that said. one of the many reasons why warren and khione are unique is because they frequently face the dangers that echo the kind of risks that she and eoin faced, too. victor goes on a date and it's just popcorn and a movie, tina goes out and she just wants to walk around the city. but khione isn't dating a normal kid, and she doesn't try to match the level of a "normal kid", either, both things that aisling is happy about, but they also contribute to situations in which aisling is forced to recall the danger of loving eoin, and indeed loving anyone.

the reason that i bring this up is because when i first read this, i was convinced that aisling would be happy but also experiencing a lot of bittersweet pain over it. but the truth is that she does experience that nostalgic grief and love, but she ALSO experiences a great level of fear that khione or warren or BOTH may also have to face the gut-wrenching decisions that herself and eoin had to make in their relationship. she'll never say it to them, but she's a MOM! she's gonna dwell with the understanding that no matter what she does, these two kids have unfathomable degrees of power, and consequentially targets on their backs. aisling can fight their enemies until the end of time, but it doesn't protect them from facing these choices. all she can truly hope to do is be there to support them in the face of these massive decisions, and protect them from external forces.

she wants them to be safe, and to be happy, and to stay together because she recognizes that unity and dynamic and bond that exists between them. and honestly, it does remind her a little of what she had with eoin! she isn't the kind of mom who gives threatening introductory speeches, she makes sure to understand warren first, and by then she's fully a warren/khione shipper (who wouldn't be tbh!) and she also has to accept that they've been making difficult choices long before they came into her life. but she also wants them to understand the importance of having a childhood and a teenagehood and fully enjoying it, so it's like. "let me take some of the burden. i'll help you. i'm the adult. you guys go do goofy teenager things, let me handle the serious stuff for a bit." bc she isn't going to be patronizing, but if anyone deserves their youth, it's them!

[peachy-teas]

just finished the dark urge quest fully resisting and romancing astarion for the first time. my party was astarion, karlach, and wyll. my notes and observations are:

1. karlach’s response was exactly as I suspected she’s such a sweet cheerleader for everyone around her. bittersweet though that I defeated orin almost immediately after defeating gortash and karlach’s lamenting speech

2. astarion’s response was not at all what I expected? I already defeated cazador and kept him unascended. when he remarked “how twee” this whole thing was and even his tone after I told him I wanted to spend my life with him now that I got rid of the urges, it felt very artificial similar to act 1 astarion. idk! I felt like his earlier cutscenes sounded a lot more empathetic and sincere. he’s still fully romanced, I just wonder if he has the same dialogue as ascended/never finished his quest Astarion so they just never had him differentiate his delivery. it was very sweet that Astarion approved when I told basically told bhaal to go fuck himself bc I love my friends and when astarion spoke up for me to bhaal himself though I’ll give him that

3. wyll’s delivery saying how proud he is of me had me gigglin and kickin my feet I love that man

[guangchuans]

ok yeah. i was right in my thinking. putting this under the cut bc idk how long my musings will get (yes it got long this 1.2k words)

advice, both album and the song itself, and the mv even, was a sort of the last hurrah before enlistment for sure. every idol i think experiences anxiety tied to the enlistment period bc aside from personal worries (which i don’t want to try and analyse, i think we as the public already got to know too much, with the information of taemin’s worsening anxiety and depression symptoms), but most importantly it makes them be away from their livelihoods for an extended period of time like never before. the anonymity it forces on you i imagine is both freeing and very odd, to suddenly be so detached from the very intense and in the public eye life you are used to.

advice is very fast, including fastest of taemin’s verses on the album. advice the Song breaks the fourth wall, addressing the treatment taemin faced his whole life. it poses almost a threat, push me more, see where that gets you. it sets a new bar, both with while by that point the mixed dancers and gender-neutral choreo in general became a taemin staple, it come back stronger, with longer hair, with exposed skin in ways that isn’t most typical for… idols with his build. other songs on the album are all quintessentially taemin too, which i know feels maybe redundant to say, but it will become important when we move to guilty.

light is to me almost like this feeling, like into the rhythm. it’s a fun rhythm, it’s a song that makes you dance. it’s taemin in the club. it’s taemin’s clear vocals. if i could tell you is Excellent to me for one simple reason; doing a duet song with one of SM’s top female vocalists and keeping up with her is immensely impressive and makes me proud to see him go from debuting as a Dancer only to growing up as a full fledged artist. strings i talked about so much already but it’s just wonderful. it’s such a sexual song, but sexual in this typical taemin way, of placing the lyrical subject as the one that pleasure is placed upon. it’s sensual, it’s enticing, it asks the listener to engage with it (and as taemin once said, strings is best listened to while alone in bed at night. franci said jack that thing to my song. go on [sorry for the detour let us go back]). with sad kids i have an odd relationship, because i used to not like it much, but i grew to appreciate it, for the lyrics and while it kind of leans too strong into mainstream pop to me, the clear vocals make up for it. it’s a bittersweet and slow finale to an album that is the last statement, and one that leaves you tender hearted.

and now… guilty. oh guilty. i think a detour here is needed, to tie back why i mentioned the private aspect of taemin’s life here. ever since he came back in april, at the risk of parasocial behaviour, seeing him grow back into himself, the performer he was absolutely Born to be, has been an honour. to see him get bold in the public again, to see him get silly, to see him get serious too. he is so well spoken these days, and there is such an aura of emotional maturity to some of the things he says (sorry, only some). with how often he has been mentioning the fact that he was an actual child when debuting, it really makes me think that during his enlistment, he must’ve gotten a harsh reality check on what his life has been up until that point.

i keep coming back to the teen vogue interview often, the fact that the interview’s title includes the quote “i’ve learned how to live a life” is saddening enough, but this part is so important imo too.

source

this is… i do need to be objective about this, i know that’s more reasonable, so i shan’t say too much. but these words, and the real evidence of this mindset in him too, made him to be even a better performer than he used to be.

guilty, as an album, and as a title track, is not taemin’s best, but that doesn’t say much, given how high he set the bar with his whole career. and while it isn’t the best, it remains quintessentially taemin still, and is, in my opinion, a perfect reintroduction of taemin the idol back to the scene. it shows him at the most contemporary, with a 808 trap beat, with a club dance beat, with a slow ballad, and with a heartfelt bittersweet song too.

guilty’s concept is highly fascinating too, but i won’t dwell on it too long, this thing is way too… long already. it is such perfectly captured perverse portrayal of sexuality and power imbalance and the violence of institutions one can face. it is complex, there is not one set reading, and it keeps growing in interpretations with each new stage of it. i love it conceptually, but not so much musically.

i feel like for Taemin, The Vocalist, the vocals get lost in it almost. the spelling out chorus is also not the most attractive to me, simply. the rizzness is infuriating to me, because i really want to dislike it, the lyrics sold me. it’s so taemin, to choose a song about a very modern and trendy concept, and twist it into something about societal expectations. she loves me she loves me not is the dance beat to me, she’s cute, she doesn’t do much to me personally, but i’m able to recognise the appeal. not over you paints such a dreamy picture with his soft delivery and even softer lyrics, it makes me fall in love with singing all over again. night away and blue are twin songs to me, both deeply comforting, both focusing on the softer quality of taemin’s voice, being perfect closing songs to this… manifesto in a way, too, that was the guilty mini album.

and now i want to compare these two works a bit. as i said, i see advice as the last hurrah. as a fast, angry, bitter cry to the world before all i know is taken away from me, and guilty, i see as a sudden HELLO, as a reminder the king is back, as a new statement, different to the one from advice. advice told us, push me, talk all you want, i won’t break, i’m above this. guilty tells us i no longer care, i know myself best, i will walk this line, and i will be the one who will put a stop to this when I want it to.

they are both exceptional works, because they come from an exceptional artist. each very different, but each fitting perfectly in the narrative taemin has set of himself as an idol, as someone even more than an idol. i’m aware i’m not very objective about any of this, and i wish i will learn to be more of that, but for now, i want to close up this analysis with this.

taemin is one of the few artists whose music i can confidently say speaks to me like no other. i am eternally grateful he continues to provide us with top quality work, and i hope in the new year, he grows even more sure of himself and confident in being unapologetically honest and genuine in what he does and who he is. if anyone read this before leave me an 🍎 please :*

im doing an experiment listening to advice album and guilty album back to back. will be back with conclusions

[jesterkoops]

I keep thinking about Kim's potential endgame and coming up short of options.

I think it's highly likely that nothing will come out of her confession, even if she's prosecuted for it by the DA. It seems like the dialogue with Cheryl was preparing us for that eventuality (and there's also the possibility that, if caught, Gene/Jimmy will lie and take the blame for it to save her - he can only be hanged once after all - although not sure how that would fit with the whole "I save me" theme in her story). So jail-time for Kim seems unlikely.

If nothing comes out of that confession, I cannot see Kim going back to her empty, miserable Florida life. That was the shell she imprisoned "Kim" in as self-punishment. The phone call cracked that shell and the real Kim started dripping out. So even if her confession leads nowhere in legal terms, I don't think it she'd be able to patch the shell back up, shove Kim back inside, resume the lie of a life she's been leading. I think that identity is burned like Gene is for Jimmy.

So where does that leave her? I keep thinking of the obvious parallels with Jesse and his Alaska ending. Is something like that in the cards for Kim? Putting her Florida life behind and rebuild for the third time somewhere else? Somehow, that feels off too to me. It feels repetitive both for BCS canon (while Florida was miserable, it's the same sort of scenario) and BB canon (would they really just re-do Jesse?). It feels like a cop-out because it doesn't give us an answer, but lets us headcanon whatever we want. It feels like Gene getting a new identity and running again, thinking "this time it will be different". But you know what they say about madness and doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.

And then I can't get over the fact that, unlike Jesse, who had love interests who were passing and fleeting (albeit intense), Kim's entire story has been interwoven with Jimmy's since before the show. That the latest episode made sure to emphasize that huge Jimmy-shaped void in every minute of her life. How painfully alone and empty she is now that she's surrounded by "friends", compared to when it was just her and Jimmy on their own little island. And I can't help but think that if she were to go off and rebuild, she would still carry that void with her. Maybe that's part of the bittersweetness of her redemption. A part of me can see them doing that because they don't shy away from painful realities. Jimmy is a part of her past that's never coming back and that's it. But would her have a Florida 2.0 where maybe her professional life gets more rewarding but her personal life remains hollow that much of a narrative change to end the series on?

One possibility I haven't seen considered is whether there might be another time-jump at the very end of the series. Or that we might skip through several years to show the aftermath or whatever goes down in the present timeline. Given that the entire series has been built upon timelines (the mailroom era, the BCS era, the BB era, the 2010 era), it isn't that far fetched to consider that there might be a final era. I have no idea what that might look like and I don't want to speculate too much so I don't get my hopes up*, but I wonder whether in that approach might lay the key to wrapping this story up in a satisfactory way.

ETA: A part of me can't help but wonder though if that version of Bob that's apparently coming on screen and looks nothing like we are used to might be future-timeline Jimmy.

[myjunkisyuzuruhanyu]

So I just watched Shoma's free at 4cc 2019 and I was wondering how you and the rest of the Unoverse was feeling during all that since from what I understand, he was in 4th after the short, but wound up winning the whole thing with his free, which was his first gold in an international event as a senior (possibly not counting individual GP events)? Especially with how he collapsed on the ice afterwards

Of course I cannot speak for the Unoverse but about me personally.

To this day I still have mixed feelings about this 4CC Gold. Bittersweet because it's his first international big title but also won on an injury and because of what followed afterwards in the off season.

Before knowing of Shoma's injury (and knowing that neither Nathan nor Yuzu would participate) Shoma winning 4CC seemed a given. He had the best scores among the competitors etc. However me and many other Shoma fans were very worried about his injury. He sprained his ankle 3 times in a span of 3 weeks and was rarely training properly. He wouldn't use the injury as an excuse for a poor outing but while I do trust skaters to know what they are capable off, it's still an injury to not take lightly and it minimized his chances to win 4CC.

(old news translations about his injury and my reaction here)

With the knowledge of the injury and the reveal that he would opt for a simpler layout, going for 3 instead of 4 quads in the free skate and only one quad in the SP it was a competition anticipated (bc Shoma's skating is always anticipated) and concern about his health.

Ofc after the SP there was some disappointment in his placement but understanding because of the injury and also I knew that those ppl placed above him were not those skaters able to keep up with good performances by Shoma. I just thought that with an injury no one could have expected a skate like what he produced in the end.

My personal recaps of that time are here SP and FS.

I think overall this was a very satisfying achievement and competition for him. Though if we look back at his 2018-2019 season overall it was the only competition that had a satisfying end. 2018-2019 season was disappointing for Shoma. Ofc the 2019-2020 season seems more disappointing but I think the reality is that the biggest struggle happened 2018-2019 and 2019-2020 it was trying out where to go and how to belong with a good ending. The pressure he felt because of the Olympic Silver 2018 and not being able to put the good practices into competition took a big toll on him in the 2018-2019 season. He said he wanted to be the champion but lost to Nathan at GPF despite having good practices. He lost his fun and skating became a burden. I think being injured played a part to take some of that self produced pressure away especially after finishing only 4th in the SP and made the free skate a glorious one. That Shoma collapsed on the ice is not that surprising, being on and off ice for weeks takes a toll on the stamina. He was just completely exhausted at the collapse. It's still a miracle how he was able to deliver like that.

I also do think that 4CC was a gift and a grudge at the same time. On one side Shoma got more recognition and was also on the radar for medaling at Worlds, but on the other side it added pressure for Worlds 2019, - especially having set the new WR at that time. I think in the end he couldn't withhold the pressure he put on himself and looking how the whole season was a struggle - not result wise, but mentally and physically - it was only a matter of time that change was needed. We all know what followed afterwards and even if I wouldn't say I realized it back when that Shoma would make a drastic change but looking back it was inevitable.

I will always cherish Mihoko Higuchi as Shoma's coach. 4CC 2019 has been there last victory together.

[horizon-verizon]

I had a legitimate question/complaint that I wanted to send you and I'm still going to do so but while I was thinking about it something else occurred to me and I wanted to share it but I wanted to tell you something first.

The change in Rhaenyra and Laenor’s relationship is the ONLY change I am willing to wholeheartedly accept because it was a wonderful change.

The canon versions aren’t much related to speak of. Rhaenyra has her reasons for not wanting to marry Laenor and at one point she makes a homophobic comment and Laenor did the bare minimum by showing up to a couple of events and visiting so he could say “oh yeah, that baby is definitely mine🤭 Can we call him Joffrey?☺️” (which still means he recognized them as his own and they were legally Velaryon)

But in the show Rhaenyra and Laenor quickly create a mutually beneficial partnership, Rhaenyra cares for Laenor very clearly during 1x05 trying to reach him and I interpret her expression while they are getting married as her acknowledging Laenor’s pain, Laenor is obviously much more present in the children’s lives and at court, we can see a little how complicated that dynamic must have been with Laenor having the freedoms of a man and Rhaenyra being technically superior to him (and none of them seem resentful of each other!), Laenor also worries about Rhaenyra and blames himself for some of their problems (it’s not them, it’s Alicent) and failing Rhaenyra and the children. Rhaenyra in turn takes the time to assure him that she doesn't blame him, that she doesn't see him as defective or wrong.

A I have no idea where the shot came from that Laenor was uncomfortable holding Joff (I thought he was uncomfortable because of Alicent, you know, the woman who made his wife walk after giving birth and that insults him at least twice) but I don't think he is any more uncomfortable with children than most parents of that time, I would even go so far as to say that their relationship is close. We see Laenor carrying Joffrey both on the way back and when Rhaenyra leaves the court, in the second case they could have given him to a nanny but no, Laenor was the one carrying their son. Another moment I really like is the low-key shot of Laenor and Luke holding hands during Laena's funeral or the whole thing with Laenor, Rhaenyra and Harwin with the kids. There is no discomfort, children are not distant or uncomfortable when dealing with him.

In all the ways that matter Laenor claimed the children as his own, he had a pretty good relationship with Rhaenyra despite it not being sexual in nature and the problems that brought about for reasons and it is shown that he loved them.

The real queer friendship in the show was Laenor and Rhaenyra not Alicent and Rhaenyra. And that's my controversial opinion today.

I talk about Rhaenicent HERE, how it didn't and still doesn't make sense to me due to the writing not bringing enough reason as to why it exists. I also must remind people that I am not queer (I don't think bc IDK these days) or of the LGBTQAI+ community. So if I am missing something that could explain some stuff about queerness in fiction or real-life sexually-incompatible relationships, let me know, please!

I am torn about this relationship--book AND show-wise but what I am sure of is that this relationship wasn't as "mutually" beneficial as some might think. Most of it was neither of their faults, but Rhaenyra's situation vs Laenor's is enough reason for her to be resentful not just of her father but him as well. Their relationship was consequently emotionally distant from Laenor even while living in the same spaces as him for a decade. So instead of being a "sweet" thing, it was more a "bittersweet" thing.

Book!

Context for the comment Rhaenyra made against marrying Laenor ("A Question of Succession"):

"My half brothers would be more to his taste".

And Laenor naming their last child ("A Question of Succession"):

"Laenor was at last permitted to name a child after his fallen friend"

And these are when and where the V boys were born (114, 115, 117).

There are layers to each part of these quotes: Laenor is "permitted" to name his own child. More likely barred by Corlys than Rhaenyra because the first two have Velaryon-sounding names and Laenor thus has been made to push aside his first (known) great love/disconnect from his own gayness/"repress" for the sake of patriarchal-heterosexual tradition WHILE Rhaenyra's comment about Laenor reveals a parallel to the preference shown towards boys and men in her society. He would "prefer" someone else, a male, over her. Her concern is not primarily "owning" him sexually but it mirrors/parallels/reminds her that her father/patriarchy diminishing a woman's importance or decentering her for the man's centering and sociopolitical elevation. The "man" here is Viserys and Corlys.

But in the inverse, Laenor named their kid after his past lover when Rhaenyra couldn't give a Targaryen name or any name of her choosing to their last two boys.

Of course, that is a little self-centered of Rhaenyra but the bubble of resentment comes from a valid place and is not completely unfounded and she sorta has to be bit more self-centered...more tragic for them both.

And Laenor naming their last child after his dead lover when he's supposed to keep his relationships a secret for the better of their kids if not for himself is also sort of self-centeredness. Again, when Rhaenyra seemingly couldn't name her own first 2 children.

In a way, Young!Book!Rhaenyra takes Laenor's sex acts (bc Westerosi do not have the conceptions of sexuality being an identity element so much as an act of pseudo-taboo sex acts) as his being another person/obligation/worry who is forced on her, not going to add to her life and not caring for her or prioritizing or supporting her to a certain degree that she needs--another "burden" aside from the one political benefit of tying the Velaryons to her...which is necessary in the first place bc she is female and Viserys pissed Corlys off.

It's like it touches on that wound girls/women carry. In-text/world, I felt it moves through Rhaenyra-the-person/character as unconscious resentment towards another instance where she cannot access what she desires and becomes stuck with a person who cannot even desire her at the very least, as she finds Harwin can later. The show actually does well enough to bring out what was likely true from the original story here when she's talking to Daemon in episode 7 about Harwin: "It felt good to be desired". To have someone be there for her.

(bc despite that injury he had that might have taken months to heal, I still think it's too strange and non-coincidental to ignore how Rhaenyra's first three kids all do not look at least like herself in coloring, not in eyes or hair...Alysanne was one Targ with Andal blonde hair and blue eyes while Alyssa had one purple eye for goodness sake! and the Targs after Daeron II's generation had traits from either one or both parents, Targ or not Targ...this is a fiction piece and while it models real life, it is less random as real life, and "85-90%" of stuff is done for a reason)

And with Laenor, as I mentioned, he must have felt pulled apart from himself--resentful of his forced marriage and further repression from such marriage to Rhaenyra, thus his staying away.

I don't think that they didn't come to respect each other or even not care about each other in the book NOR that they were horrible people for how they felt feelings and their circumstances, how they moved around each other, and probably interacted. Especially after Laenor began spending more time with Rhaenyra after their sons' confrontation with Aemond at Dragonstone.

But it never came across to me as particularly close or Laenor taking up the responsibility to those he apparently did see as a family until said family was hurt. And I have not seen anything to suggest Rhaenyra was concerningly hurtful or homophobic towards Laenor after they marry in canon. So, do we really know if she actually hated him in the original story, or thought his queerness made him less than or worthy of hate, esp with what I said about it more about expressing her frustration?

Show!

You:

But in the show Rhaenyra and Laenor quickly create a mutually beneficial partnership, Rhaenyra cares for Laenor very clearly during 1x05 trying to reach him and I interpret her expression while they are getting married as her acknowledging Laenor’s pain, Laenor is obviously much more present in the children’s lives and at court, we can see a little how complicated that dynamic must have been with Laenor having the freedoms of a man and Rhaenyra being technically superior to him (and none of them seem resentful of each other!), Laenor also worries about Rhaenyra and blames himself for some of their problems (it’s not them, it’s Alicent) and failing Rhaenyra and the children. Rhaenyra in turn takes the time to assure him that she doesn't blame him, that she doesn't see him as defective or wrong.

It seems like Rhaenyra still got the shorter end of the stick to breed a stronger sort of resentment. I think that their relationship was actually more or less the same as it was in the book, and the space they shared only affected Laenor's time spent with the kids and not time spent helping Rhaenyra elsewhere. I could argue it should have been even a little worse bc they live in the same space and Laenor is doing the same things as his book counterpart.

That unequal position, in my view, actually kept them emotionally apart enough for Laenor to not really understand Rhaenyra as a person while Rhaenyra seems to understand Laenor pretty well. To look at this doylistically, honestly, this could be a fault of the writers and the time jumps, but let's dive in.

FIRST - We have not actually seen, at any point, Laenor approach Rhaenyra to ask what's up/check-in. Any time he's there, he's there for either the most dramatic things (birth of a son and climbing the stairs), complaining, or inadvertently make her seem an anomaly (comments about breasts). At the end, again like in the book, he offers to be closer to her and focus on her and the boys...and that is the only time we see some sort of action of the sort of support Rhaenyra sees she will get from Daemon, thus her decision to have Laenor "killed".

After Joffrey Lonmouth's death, Laenor found Qarl Correy and Rhaenyra had allowed the man to be close to Laenor despite the rumors. Laenor doesn't mind and even seems to like Harwin. But unlike Rhaenyra, Laenor does not need nor want a good image as much as she does. Rhaenyra needs Laenor more than the reverse.

SECOND - In the 5th episode after Joffery's death, yes, she is acknowledging his pain but you'd have to be self-involved to a particular degree or just plain unobservant to not sympathize and acknowledge that pain...plus she knew they were together as Laenor told her and they made that a private arrangement on the beach presumably just a few days before. Finally, in that episode, she has not actually lived with him yet.

THIRD - Due to the time jump, we do not know how Laenor got to be a permanent resident in the Keep of King's Landing when he should have been at Driftmark as he is in the book before Laena's death/Vhagar's "claim". Does either Viserys or Corlys order him to stay with Rhaenyra? Did Rhaenyra order him to stay by her side with her? Did Laenor choose freely or under a nonverbal pressure from those around him and what exactly did that look like? Did he have a confrontation with his father concerning his sexuality and the image its open-secretness presents to the family and he just needed to get away from Corlys--did he and Rhaenyra bond over that? Even so, how does the court treat both Rhaenyra & Laenor, both of whom are in court with their respective lovers: Laenor being cuckolded (doesn't matter that he's gay, he's a man and "gayness" is not an identity to these Westerosi) and Rhaenyra, as the future ruler, cannot be made to be seen as weak through her husband's/partner's open "infidelities".

More Notes

Many have noted how unaware Laenor is in the show. Both are resigned, but Rhaenyra is less..."blind", I'd say, because she has to be "on" and aware of others all the time. This alone shows that they cannot be as close as some people claim, because they are not on a similar page of observation of each other or their situation.

This is Rhaenyra & Laenor says about his desire to go to war:

War is afoot again in the Stepstones, Rhaenyra. The Triarchy takes new life from its alliance with Dorne. They're waylaying ships and cargo. Qarl's been fighting there. He showed me a... ( laughing ) He showed me a sack of sapphires big as walnuts he took from the pirate he slew. Ah... After all this time, this is just what I need, a little adventure. A good, honest battle to enliven my blood again. He says there is a Tyroshi general there, a giant, they say, who dyes his beard purple and wears women's frocks. ( laughs ) A few months, maybe...

AND

I am a knight... and a warrior. And I have played my part here, faithfully... for ten years. I am owed some...

AND

Rhaenyra: You are owed nothing! For ten years, you have indulged yourself at court, bought the finest horses, drunk the rarest of wines, fսckеd the lustiest boys. This was our agreement. I have not begrudged you. But... you do not desert your post when the storm lashes. Laenor: The wise sailor flees the storm as it gathers.

Aside from me not liking how Rhaenyra's decision to go to Dragonstone is compared to what Laenor meant by leaving (bc she is doing it for the sake of family and people's lives versus him trying to abandon said family...this is not some modern tale where the newly out and thriving queer person incidentally has kids who can survive their absence or at least not have it threatened after all):

Laenor had been trying to get out of being in KL with Rhaenyra for, as he calls it, "adventure" as if he weren't already in some sort of agreement with Rhaenyra to protect those he himself decided to treat them as his own sons. If it weren't for the fact he sees those kids as his own AND that agreement before they were even born, I wouldn't 100% begrudge him. Add to the fact that, because he's a man, if he weren't so lower-ranked or actually cared for his non-trad family he could have just gone and no one would disparage him in the slightest. Her having to remind him of his promise and stop him from making comments about her body to--who is to her--a stranger while she's trying to stop herself from leaking and coming back from a council where her stepmother/former friend has tried to humiliate and undermine her the whole time -> her reminding him it was not her who put him in their position so as not for him to make it seem as if she were the one imprisoning him in the first place when he said he had the right to is itself a stack of emotional labor. It truly read to me that Laenor was trying to escape the life he has with Rhaenyra as much as he did in the book. It wasn't actually much of a real change.

At the same time, we must remember that show!Rhaenyra is a very different person from book!Rhaenyra. This is a woman who would not go to war for the throne her father gave her because her father was a man who tried to be as nonconfrontational as possible AND for a prophecy that she should have reasoned her father never would have told Aegon, of all people, about and how he took the time to drag himself out of bed for her & her kids' rights/protection in episode 8. The show unconsciously makes a more quietly repressed woman of Rhaenyra in an attempt to make her more "likable", to her own, more-avoidable detriment.

One reason why show!-her may not feel like ordering Laenor more--other than realizing his being forced like her--is the inevitability of his freedoms despite his queerness. Why make a "fuss" when it will not actually go anywhere and it will actually hurt Laenor? Another reason is by how she looks at Laenor, she feels guilt at being the person Criston was actually angry with--thus indirectly leading to Laenor losing his lover so traumatically, thus maybe trying to take it upon herself to make sure Laenor has little reason to either resent or begin to actually hate her more (bc he is both one of the only people there in her camp to keep her some sort of company aside from Harwin in some way) and/or she feels like she must take the responsibility of making him happy. Both of these can give another "responsibility" along with being a mom, the court images, Alicent, her father's social self-blindness, etc even though Joffrey's death is not her fault as much as it was Criston's. All/more eyes are on her and her behavior and she is the one having to birth a kid one minute and walk up a flight of stairs the next. And she was absolutely going to do it alone because Laenor was not there until he decided to be. She is the one who will receive the least grace or attention and thereby the most blame. This is definitely not Laenor's fault...but his using that ability to be away, it certainly adds to the burden, potentially becoming a polyp of the main problem. This is, why again, they both decide that Laenor should "die", to repeat myself.

These things are inevitably going to breed resentment from Rhaenyra and travel against Laenor, esp when he's deciding to make it that much harder without acknowledging that he is or thinking how it could be. And if she were more resentful, or really even a bit more expressive towards him than she was in the show, I do not think that is a moral flaw on her part, doesn't make her the bad guy. Not expressing your anger more often doesn't make the relationship closer/better...in fact, it shows how disconnected they are emotionally. Not only is it possible she cannot feel as if she has all the right to "too much" of Laenor after Joffrey's death and how it went down, but she nevertheless "needs to" demand "more" from him because he's still not doing much, he agreed, their kids' lives and reputations are in danger, and by the near end of epi 6 he's even trying to get out of that much. No man could really understand or appreciate all of this, but again, that distance and trying to get out of things really clinched it for me.

Just because she doesn't hate him or lash out at him, doesn't mean the resentment against him isn't there and that it isn't strong. It shows itself in her sarcasm at his asking her if it hurt; her looks at his drunken talk about her leaking and swollen breasts to Qarl Correy (how fond would one be of a person after that tactlessness because it also shows how little Laenor really minds how his words will come across to her at specific moments?); her having to make it clear to him he must stay by her side and explain to him why she must (the mental load we modern talks about is paralleled here), etc.

And just because show!her was more accomodating, doesn't make her an actually better human than her book counterpart. Same with Laenor--just because he seems like he was around more often--especially since they here share the same space--doesn't mean he is there with her because he absolutely wants to be and is performing the duty he said he would. This is what Rhaenyra was talking about after she dismissed Correy so she could demand Laenor stay.

If anything, Laenor's proximity to Rhaenyra and still not being as there as he should makes it easier for him to be closer to his sons and have a relationship of sorts with their elder selves (because in the show those kids are also older--by appearance--than their selves in the book by this time, and thus they have had more time with Laenor as their dad). It didn't bring the married couple closer so much as give Rhaenyra visible, everyday proof her husband was not her partner.

Thereby, again, it wasn't actually all that "mutual"--he didn't have to put as much energy as her and he didn't and he didn't really think of how he could...but like you said, he did more than most fathers in that the little initiative he does give is more than what most fathers in his position would give Laenor does take a bit of initiative than most men would give in his position even if they wanted to be her Prince Consort for the influence, title, and power alone. He tries.....but then that still makes me question if he actually is there by circumstance, order, or choice and how he feels about that. Still, it's not good for him, so does he, if ever, blame or lash out at Rhaneyra and how does he express that.

The show tells us "unlikely", but that doesn't seem psychologically or emotionally realistic to me. On Laenor's end, he's told he cannot be that one masculine thing--be a brave adventurer/traveling knight--because his class/station has to lead him to marry a princess who depends on his voluntary discretion the balance between security and public respect when he never asked for any of it but he's told that he's a horrible person if he doesn't do this for his ambitious father.

It is because of all this that I do not see Rhaenyra as necessarily being hateful toward Laenor in either book or the show for his sexuality as much as his not being compatible with her needs after a whole life of subtle and unsubtle constraint while acknowledging that it isn't either of their fault...until in the show Laenor was headed there.

Their kindness (to a degree) for each other and Laenor's obvious willingness to at least perform when told or encouraged certainly make things easier. It's still far from what's needed, with it not quite meeting the bare minimum.

So for me, the change that I liked was their coming to a verbal agreement for them to look for other intimacies. It could have happened in canon, but we'll never know, GRRM chose to write this like a very unreliable history book written by misogynist, homophobic, etc. "men of learning". This wasn't a dumb choice, without its own storytelling merits (there's a reason we continue to use frame narratives), or even fun to read through...it's that you're trusting your readers a lot to know what's in their hands and some are just not going to get it or want to.

[theconfusedartist]

@theconfusedartist oh damn!! I see some serious angst in the future. Elijah knew about the assassins and everything tho. So Bill was assuming and just saying shit because he is emotionally constipated and can’t express anything. Imogen will try to stab Alex, it could be funny cause it’s not like that will hurt him. Also if Bill did get Elijah then it’s likely he might break and kill Bill by accident by virus/POE bullshit

( @zero-saito ) Yeah, this particular act opens up really bittersweet bc on one hand, Alex and Desmond get reunited with each other and the rest of their family but on the other hand, the assassin order is furious due to what's happened and believe that Desmond has either defected or is actively an enemy to their order.

And yes, Elijah DID know everything about the assassins, even though Desmond had left the order he still lived by the creed, and did his best to pass on as much knowledge as he could so Elijah would never feel like he had felt; confused and bitter from the withholding of information. It wasn't always the best bc there are some things that children shouldn't know, but Desmond still told him anyways with Altaïr being the co-parent. Clay was the fun Uncle but Elijah knew why Clay left bc Desmond explained the whole process of becoming and being an assassin. Even if Elijah didn't entirely understand bc Desmond didn't entirely understand the "whys" of things, he still tried to explain the best he could with his fractured knowledge.

Also, Bill was grieving and saw in Elijah a chance for redemption, despite the fact that he didn't learn the lesson he needed to. After all, Desmond had just died (as it was less than a week after the Grand Temple was activated and they all presumed Desmond as dead) so the wound was fresh, and although the assassins had heard Desmond was (possibly) traveling with a child that wasn't his own, it's hard to deny that Elijah is Desmond’s. The same dark curly hair, the same brown eyes, and pout he would get when he was upset. Looking at Elijah, it's hard to see him as anything BUT Desmond’s child and it only enflames that spark of desperation to have a tie ro his now (whom he believes to be) dead son that he had been looking for for years, only to permanently lose him again.

So Bill doesn't explain well, he doesn't go for the gentle approach once Elijah greets him with suspicion, and he tries to force Elijah to come back with him. And Alex, who had only been holding back from killing Bill because of Desmond, sees Bill trying to take his adopted son (the child he had considered his both as a human and as a virus) by force? There's no talking or diplomacy, Alex does what Alex knows best: causing mayhem and death. Bill did not stand a chance.

In the same vein, Imogen is a whirlwind of death and destruction with silent grace. She and Bill may have had ups and downs in their relationship, but she still loved him deeply and was expecting him to come home, for the two of them to grieve their now-dead son. However, now she has to deal with the news that not only is Desmond dead, Bill is dead, she apparently has a grandchild and the man who killed her husband is Alex Mercer--the man who infected all of Manhattan and killed millions.

She's already on a warpath, looking for any way to kill him, but then the news comes out on March 13 (the day that Alex rescues Desmond, the day Desmond finished the last of permutation 26). Desmond was seen fleeing Abstergo with Alex Mercer before returning to Manhattan. The absolute shock and betrayal she feels is better expressed in a long form fic than this, tbh, and then Lucy calls in with her progress report? By the time Imogen calls for them in for a trial, she wonders if she even knows Desmond if he's still the boy he raised. After all, what kind of son would love the monster that killed their own father?

More on Elijah though, his PoE powers are very different from Desmond’s as he has more human/Isu genes than he does PoE genes, which was exactly what the Isu wanted. He has the ability to see into the near future, can tell when someone is lying or being untruthful (I make that distinction bc he can tell when people are using half-truths or lying by omission), can sense other PoE and Isu, and can create a barrier of light to protect himself. He can also heal himself too, which was Desmond’s strongest power when with Altaïr, but not to the extent Desmond or Altaïr can. Elijah doesn't have any virus abilities except in permutation 23, and when infected he becomes immune to all sickness.

The way Blacklight works in this au is that you can only get the crazy and virus powers if you die as you're infected or die after getting infected, as Blacklights primary purpose is to devour any cells or anamolies in the host body and improve upon upon health, memory, and healing. However, Blacklight becomes dangerous when it is attached to a dead host as the cells will continue to infinitely generate in an attempt to repair the host, and will devour and reconstruct anything that it considers foreign when introduced to the host body, and must consistently be intaking new cells when the host body is dead or has no host to sustain itself. In permutation 23, Alex managed to get the information from the reader in permutation 17 of his own notes early and then increased the deadliness and strength of the virus to the power of 100 rather than 10 as he had in all the other timelines.

I just wanted to say something about the protocreed au:

The reader is Desmond, Desmond is the reader. He just needed to run 26 permutations to get to that phase. Afterwards, he still would've been able to view and change the past/present/future at any time in his regular body while his consciousness (and Clay) remain in the Grey.

But Abstergo just had to go and fuck things up for ya boi😮‍💨 yet again

Alex does help out, but he had to leave when Desmond activated the Eye, due to all the intense heat and phosphorus adamantium that was literally deconstructing him on a molecular level.

Also, to get back to Elijah to make sure neither the assassins or Templars get their hands on him, bc he'll be damned if he let's Bill get his grubby little hands on him.